KFC Radio - Nick Cannon, Treadmill Shopping, and the Teleporter Conundrum

Episode Date: December 13, 2018

Nick Cannon drops by to explain his take on the Kevin Hart situation and why he exposed Amy Shumer, Chelsea Handler, and Sarah Silverman for their old tweets. He also speaks on his beef with Eminem and the Kanye/Kim/Drake rumors. KFC goes treadmill shopping, Feits tries to have sex with a ghost. Voicemails include: Teleport but someone dies, frame a friend for murder, run everywhere or shout everything, and boyfriend wants a butt plug.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I got a catastrophe on my hands. I woke up, I woke up real early this morning. I was heading over to see Shay for her birthday. I woke up, just put on, I just rolled out with my PJs. Hopped in the shower, got back in a pair of PJs because I wasn't ready to get

ready for the day. And in the process, I just threw on a pair of old underwear. And then I finished up birthday shit with Shay. I go back to my house to get dressed. And I just got dressed quickly and hit the train. And I didn't change underwear. So you're easier to shit day.

I have old fucking plaid. The plaid boxers? Yeah, these are from like 1985. So I have like the floppy plaid boxers on right now. And I am just the whole day, I'm just like squirming in my chair. I'm pulling down on them and shit. I have the opposite day. I used to be this guy.

Because I didn't like boxer briefs until I got Tommy John boxer briefs. Two things happened. I got Tommy John boxer briefs. I also realized I'm an XL. I'm a large in everything. I tried to keep the large going but I have an ass like a black woman even though I'm a white man. So I realized I needed to upgrade size. So I got the right brand and the right size and then I became a boxer brief guy. So to go to take 10 steps backwards and be the old plaid, just like cotton fabric,

he boxers awful day. And I can see you, you're like smiling. You're walking on clouds. I'm having the exact opposite day. I was in the shower this morning and just shut the fuck up. I was in the shower this morning and. Oh, God.

Shut up, Stu. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up, Stu. I'm having the exact opposite day. I'm having. I was in the shower this morning. Notice I was having a good dick day already. And then realize that. If you're having a good dick day without the PEDs of Tommy John, then when you put those on, you're going to have a great dick day.

It was almost, it was such a good dick day, I almost tweeted about it. Not like a picture of it, but just being like, it is. Let's sincerely hope not a picture of it. Imagine a dick pic one morning, like, look at this fella. He is ready for that day. Isn't it funny, though, how, like, you know, you have a good hair day, you put it up, you put on an outfit you like, you put it up. I put a picture of my sneakers if I like them imagine if it was just casual and accepted to be like check my dick today girls girls will take a picture of their ass or like

you know like a fake thirst trap picture where it's like oh and look at my ass but imagine if it's just like look at my dick yeah it's like the opposite too of like a good hair day because you have to cover it up like we have a good hair day like fuck a hat i'll be cold no yeah absolutely but like you have to cover this up and i was like well i'm gonna cover up i'm gonna cover up with some of this like really highlights what's happening you're not you're not covering up you're enhancing so uh don't be like me be like john get yourself a pair of tommy john's go to tommyjohn.com slash kfc get 20 off. We got voicemails to get into. We also have Nick Cannon on the program. Nick Cannon is hilarious.

Nick Cannon is a fucking monster. Need I remind you that he was in Drumline? That alone I would be excited to have him come in. There's so much talking about we didn't get to that. We didn't even talk about Drumline. We didn't even get, well, we didn't get to talk about Mariah because we got hosed. We were told by his publicist that we cannot talk about Mariah Carey. And I like to, I don't like when people do that.

But I'm also trying to play by the rules. I'm also a little bit afraid of our new booker. And I didn't want to break the rules with her. So I was like, all right, fine. That's kind of fucking ridiculous when you're married to one of the biggest superstars of all time and we don't get to talk about it but hey like you just said there's so many other things he's done that we're going to have a great conversation regardless

then he goes on pizza review with Dave and Dave says what are you most known for he goes being Mariah's baby daddy he's like well what the fuck I thought I wasn't allowed to talk about that Nick Cannon was like what are you of course you can talk about that Nick let some answers fly on the podcast and then he let some answers fly with his new video product we've been working on that clearly he does not care about just talking about his ex-wife. Yeah.

Talk about absolutely anything. Talking about midgets in Dubai. He doesn't care about just referring to his ex-wife. So that was annoying. But everything else, we got into all sorts of shit. Most importantly, his latest drama embroiled with the comedian world, the comic world of Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, and the other one I keep forgetting. Chelsea Handler. Chelsea Handler, as he came to the defense of his boy Kevin Hart with all the Oscar drama and his homophobic tweets. So perfect timing. We had this on the books for a little while and he uh is front

and center in the news this week also with kanye and also his beef with kanye and what you learned from this interview with nick cannon is he doesn't give a fuck but he doesn't give a fuck in a very like friendly way he's like smiley and just like yo man like i'm happy and successful life's too short so like why care i'm like okay you know he's not like a tough guy. Like, I'll fight you. I don't care. He's just like, I'll talk about whatever I want to talk about. What's the big deal? He did say he'll beat Eminem's ass. He did say that. So, uh,

I don't know about that. I'm just gonna say that like, uh, you know, we do not, the thoughts of our guests do not represent, you know, the opinions and thoughts of the host. Right. I will not be fighting Eminem. He also thought that you guys could dunk. So maybe he's just an insane person.

That was so weird. What was that? He was like, yeah, you guys can't dunk? You're six feet. You can't dunk? Look at me. You think I can dunk, dude? I can't touch my toes.

You fucking kidding me? You think I can get up and get a rim? You can't get down to get my toes. With gravity working, I can't get to my toes. With gravity working against me, I'm going to get to a rim? Get the fuck out of here. So we got Nick Cannon a little bit later. We got, of course, our voicemails.

But first, we got to go through the news a little bit. There's a couple topics in the news this week that I feel like are very KFC radio related. So we're going to become news anchors. Okay. News anchors brought to you by Outer Known. I love my Outer Known hoodie. I have, because, all right, so you know me at this point. I'm very into my materials.

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25% off that full price order. First up in the news today, we go through the headlines. Woman claims to have wed a 300-year-old pirate ghost. Now says that she is split up. Love is dead, John. Officially, it's been a rough year, 2018. who have wed a 300-year-old pirate ghost now says that she is split up. Love is dead, John. Officially, it's been a rough year, 2018. Not a great year for love.

Well, I suppose that's accurate. However... Certainly on this program. And certainly for Amanda Sparrow-Large. Sparrow has to be fake, obviously, right? Yeah, that was his name. That's her married name. That's her marriage. Duh.

Amanda Large, 46 years old. She married a... Now, this is what's crazy. You marry a pirate, fine. She married a Haitian pirate. A Haitian pirate? I thought she married Jack Sparrow. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

When your name is Sparrow and you say you married a pirate, I'm thinking Jack Sparrow. That's what I – yeah, if you're marrying ghosts, why settle – I'm thinking Pirates of the Caribbean. Why settle for a bad ghost? This guy, I never even heard of this guy. Haitian ghosts are like real ghosts. I guess technically that is the real life Pirates of the Caribbean.

Haiti is for sure up in the Caribbean. Sure. And they are the big time pirates. Yeah, I won't put you there. But I'm talking about the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. It's Caribbean. It's Caribbean, right? I would say Pirates of the Caribbean.

I think that's how people say the movie. No, it's Caribbean. And the movie is very largely based on the body of water. So she changed her name legally. She became an impersonator of Jack Sparrow. She got replica tattoos. She got dreadlocks. She got gold teeth fitted to her.

Those are four grand, I believe. Yep, six thousand. Six grand. And she learned, she had tips on having ghost sex sessions. And that's where I come in, John, because... What are the tips? I don't know. That's, you know, I mean, it says,

spiritual sex is all about being able to feel the energy. It has nothing to do with masturbation. So although it can be tried from any position, missionary is probably the best to start with because it's easy to feel their weight and take it from there. John has his eyes closed as he's trying to fuck a ghost right now. I wasn't totally off.

If I was alone in here, I could probably fuck a ghost. She said, Jack proposed to me. I told him I'm really cool with having casual sex with a spirit and I want to make a proper commitment

to each other. She was not cool with having casual sex with a spirit so she said listen if you're going to fuck me I'm going to be your one and only I'm going to be your main I'm not going to be your side over here so Jack obviously couldn't

wear a ring so she wrapped it around a candle the ring was around the candle and they so you know what oh yeah for sure she fucked every single and they, Oh, that candle. So you know what? Oh yeah, for sure. She fucked every single hole with that camera, with that candle.

I mean, listen to everything I've just said. No fucking wonder. They broke up all these rules. Like we're not going to do casual sex. You got to wear a ring. I'm only going to fuck you missionary style. Like this marriage was doomed from the jump.

I don't care if you're human. I don't care if you're human i don't care if you're ghost if you're a girl and you got all these dumb stipulations and all these rules and regulations your man is gonna be fed up with your ass see i'm actually i actually find her to be brave i find her to be look at pc john over here number one feminist, masculine, and spiritual podcast on the internet. I find her to be brave because breaking up with somebody is one thing. Breaking up with somebody

stinks. You have to see their social media. You have to see who they're dating. You have to hear about their new relationships from your mutual friends that you've idiotically combined. That's all a real pain in the ass. A breakup is just, it's the worst. It's why I real pain in the ass. A breakup is just the worst. It's why I refuse

to do it. I don't break up with people. You'll eventually break up with me, I promise, but I'm not going to do it to you. Again, we've said it a million times, the single most rude thing you can do in this world is break up with someone. You look them dead in the eyes and say, I don't want to be around you ever again. But, no matter that,

no matter how difficult it is, you will have a pretty solid idea that when you break up with your girlfriend that she's probably not going to kill you. It's a pretty solid chance. Me? Yes. You? I don't know about that. Maybe she'll stalk your social media a bit.

Maybe there'll be some calls or texts or whatever. You're telling me you are not afraid of your exes? I feel like you were afraid your exes might kill you While you were together nah I'm not afraid But a ghost I would be terrified of So to straight up divorce A ghost this dude's gonna Haunt her this dude's gonna be

Fucking with her life for the That's one you just you swallow that And you just be like alright rest of my life's gonna suck But at least I won't be haunted like yeah We fell out of love me and the suck but at least I won't be haunted like yeah we fell out of love me and the ghost but at least he won't be you know rattling around the cabinets in the middle of the night just to fuck with me

yeah that's very true it's a dangerous play and to be able to end that and then understand that you have to go on now living a life having to explain to future partners future amorous lovers that just you know I fucked a ghost and you're gonna have to explain that to somebody and future amorous lovers that, just so you know, I fucked a ghost. And you're going to have to explain that to somebody, and they're going to have to accept you for that.

Listen, it's hard enough if you have to sit someone down and be like, I have X drama. Like, you know, we're going to get calls in the middle of the night. She might even drive by the house every now and then. I'm sorry if she has a burner account and she's coming after you on Twitter or something like that. There are some things you might have to worry about. You might have to worry about this person possessing your body.

Right. You might have to worry about demonic possession. Possessing your new lover's body. But then I'll tell you what. If you find a new girl, guy, whoever, human, who's down with you. A live person. If you find human who's down with you like if you if you find someone who's down

with you and you have x ghost drama that's a that's that's a true ride yeah but that's not gonna happen i mean because that's some shit like that's some shit you gotta bring up on before you fuck that's like yeah that's what i'm saying like that person's like okay i'm okay with that that's like, that's what I mean. I'm saying like, that person's like, okay, I'm okay with that. That's more than being like, I have like, like, um, I have kids or anything like that.

Like some, you got to bring up pretty early in the relationship. I have, I have a, a spirit haunting me. That's gotta be, that's gotta be conversation one. And most people are going to sit through that.

You're right. And it's a quick way to weed them out. But you get someone who, who's down with that. I'd actually be more scared of someone who is down with that. That's a good point. It's like, what's wrong with you? Are you into this?

Because there's ride or die. I'm not even into this. There's ride or die, and then there's next level ride or die, in which at that point you almost become reckless, which actually brings us perfectly to our next topic. El Chapo's wife, she said she has never seen El Chapo do anything illegal and that he is just a perfectly pleasant guy. That, my friends, that woman is literally the definition of ride or die because if she didn't ride, she would probably die. El Chapo would probably kill her.

So I don't want to give her too much credit here because this is just like the gun is to her head and she's just saying it. But she said, I didn't even know he was a criminal. I ain't never seen him do anything illegal. Do I? Am I crazy for believing her? I believe her. I think, and I learned a little bit about this too watching the new seasons

of Mayans. Because that's real. Like, I feel like these drug kingpins these cartel leaders when you're if you're like small time petty crime

your girl like probably helps you. You know she's probably like weighing out the cocaine and shit like that. If you're like moving weight

and you're like an international drug lord I feel like you keep your shit so separate. And like she knows but I don't think she ever sees right exactly I think there's plausible deniability I think there's keywords I've never seen them

everybody knows that Chapo is a drug lord but I think when he's around his girl he's probably like a perfectly he's a great husband perfect father if they have kids I'm sure he's doing work in the community I'm sure he's at like PTA meetings and then it's just like the other wing of the house where she never goes is

a whole full-blown drug operation. She's the best significant other possible because she's the girl version of me where I'm not going to go digging around. What does my husband do for a living? That's not my business. He pays the bills and that's it. What does my husband do when he's not home? That's not my business. I'm the same way with

girlfriends. What does she do when I'm not here? That's between her and whoever she's doing it with. It really is. That's not my problem. I'm really same way with girlfriends. What does she do when I'm not here? That's between her and whoever she's doing it with. It really is. That's not my problem. I'm really not even joking, man. I'm really not even joking. If it's in my face, I'm going to be pissed. But I am not going to go, I am not I am not

going to become a private investigator to try and find out. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. That song, shout out to Mario Winans. That song was great. I really don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Remember that song? Shout out to Mario Winans. That song was great. I really don't want to know, and I really probably won't be upset if you keep it a good enough secret. You know?

Yeah. If it's like, I mean, if the drug dealers are ringing the doorbell and shit, I'm going to be pissed. Yeah. But if it's, you know, you got a burner phone for the drug dealers whatever man make it all separate make your money boo boo i i honestly feel like we need uh we need some of this in our lives with the block like i need a girl who's gonna be like i don't read it you walk through yeah but but even more so like you walk through those doors at barstool you do your thing boo right i'm not gonna listen i'm not gonna read'd prefer you to mute me on social media. Don't see my tweets. Don't see anything.

I can't tell you enough how I'm either exaggerating or I'm telling you I'm exaggerating and I need you to just let me do my thing because guess what? I'm bringing home the bread.

Bring home bacon, baby. And really, the real truth is okay you wanna you wanna have a problem with what i do at work which then makes me feel like i have to go get another job do you know how fucking miserable i'd be like if i had to go back to the cubes you want that in your life because right now right now what am i gonna do take little gringos on on uh mexican tours come on that's nuts you know how i'm'm going to rent him parasailing lessons on the beach. Jumbo would be so annoying if you had to force him to not sell drugs. It'd be like, okay, go back to this fucking move and wait.

I want to build tunnels. That's what I want to do with my life. Honestly, girls, the lesson here, and guys, I guess, don't go looking for what you don't want to look for and let people. I don't know where we as a society got to the point where like your relationship affects every single aspect of your life. But there definitely used to be a time where like daddy went to work and he came home and I was fucking it. You didn't say a goddamn word about anything. I don't know what this goddamn feminist movement, all this fucking let's get the glass ceiling back intact.

Let's get some scare tactics going again. Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. You're really going in on it. No, but we really should be able to just guys and girls should be able to do what they want professionally. They should maybe have a little bit of freedom socially. Come on. You can't you can't control someone's entire life.

I'm just speaking hypothetically here and generally. It's not a personal thing at all. Nick Cannon is brought to you by Liquid IV. Liquid IV is the official sponsor of the Barstool Sports Christmas Party happening tonight. And people are going to need it. People are going to need it. People on the second floor are going to need it. I was going to say, I'm not going to need it. I'm going to sit it. People on the second floor are going to need it.

I was going to say, I'm not going to need it. I'm going to sit there. I'm going to like, you know, sip some vodka sodas and control myself because I know I don't even like to, when I am completely in control of myself and I am about my wits, I still am on edge about ending up on stool scenes

or saying something I shouldn't, being picked up by the hidden cameras and the fucking hidden microphones. Now we are in a setting where it's like everybody is going to be getting drunk, going to be cutting loose, and I am going to watch the madness unfold. But somebody on the second floor, no doubt, will be the one making an ass of themselves. I think there is some new second floor salesman who doesn't even really know what Barstool

is. Right. Because there are people who work here now who just don't even understand what this company is. And they might even come from a place... They just know that they sell podcasts. They might even come from a place where you can get fucked up at the Christmas party

and do some crazy shit. And, like, people might laugh about it the next day, but it won't be a big deal. They don't realize that they're about to be an entire 24-hour news cycle. Yep. So... I mean, there was...

The last time I did anything quote-unquote crazy was at the Kanye concert when I changed my shirt. I was stone sober. Right. I changed my shirt. And you're like, oh, shit. But Hank took a video of it and tweeted it. And the next morning at like 830, Dave quote blogged that video. Again, sober.

I had just bought a Kanye shirt I was putting on for the Kanye show. So i was shirtless for a moment i like hang the whole video was me changing my shirt it wasn't like i was like spinning around the video was me just changing my shirt and dave like what what feidelberg showed up today despite the fact that we'd had an email sent that was we don't do not come to work tomorrow the office is is not ready. And that turned into that. Yep. A sober shirt change turned into that. So whatever someone does tonight is going to be a whole fucking thing. You're drunk.

You're making out. You're dancing on tables. You're doing something stupid. It's going to be somebody because it always is somebody. And imagine having a hangover on top of all that. Well, no. The one thing I can assure, whatever buffoon on the second floor this is, the one thing I can assure you is you're not going to have a hangover

because you're going to be drinking your liquid IV. It's not your average electrolyte drink mix. It is equal to two to three bottles of water, the same hydration in one bottle of liquid IV. It has five essential and vitamins. It's got more vitamin C than orange juice, more potassium than a banana. This is like the ultimate right here. So, go to liquid-iv.com. Use the promo code KFC. You get 20% off your order. Stack up on it. Don't have a hangover

ever again. Go to liquid-iv.com promo code KFC. Very special edition of KFC Radio. We are joined by Nick Cannon. Yes. You're major, dude. Am I? This is a big get point. Am I actually on the point here? I appreciate

that. Listen, those boots you have on, you're major. Yeah, yeah. This whole outfit, major. Heavy ass boots make me major. You look around this room, I feel like you're kind of eyeing it up, like, I don't know why I'm here, right? Nah, nah, nah. You guys got all the juice. Is that what it is? Yeah. We'll put that, like, listen, nah. You guys got all the juice. Is that what it is?

Yeah. We'll put that, like listen, Nick Cannon says we have all the juice. Exactly. You are a fucking ultra successful dude.

Thank you. You got your hand in all sorts of shit in every industry really. I keep my hands in some shit. I do. I do.

Do you prefer one thing to the other? Man, I don't even think about it like that. I'm just a hustler, you know what I mean? And a hustler who loves to be an artist, you know what I mean? So I think when those two worlds come together, it's like, yo, you can make a lot of money, but you can also stay authentic and true and move how you want to move. And, you know, I think the way, I'm always just, I'm one of them dudes who's outspoken,

unapologetic, and just happy just being me. And I think the way I'm always just I'm one of them dudes outspoken, unapologetic and just happy just being me. And I think people relate to that. So because I can host something on Nickelodeon and be silly and playing in slime one second and be like, you know, a community activist. So I'm like, yeah, see, I'm I'm I'm the first two parts of that. Yeah, I'm outspoken. I'm unapologetic. But I'm not happy being me, Really? I wish I was different. Really? Why?

Let's talk about that. How much time you got, brother? You've got a hard-on about 20 minutes. Why are you not happy being you, man? You only get to be us once. Well, you know, you're also rich. That's easy to be happy when you're rich. Yeah, but I wasn't always rich.

That's true. You know what I mean? And I would say I was probably a little happier when I wasn't rich. More money, more problems. More money, more problems. You believe it? It's some real shit. Yeah.

And the only reason why, because, like, it's that idea of it's keeping up. You know what I mean? And, like, those are the things that keep you up at night is trying to keep up with, like, oh oh shit, I got to keep all of this shit up. When, it goes back to just like, yo, when being a kid, like we had no cares

in the world. All we had to worry about was fucking homework. You know what I mean? And like, we didn't even have to really do that. You know what I mean?

Like, it was just, so like when you're an adult and you're like paying bills and it's about keeping up with keeping up, like that shit is, it gets stressful at times,

but I don't, I, I rather, let me tell you a little trick. If you don't look at any stuff, you're good. It don't matter, right? Fuck it.

Don't open mail, right? Fuck it. I owe so many bills. Where the fuck they gonna find me? I'm on my lease. I'm good. By the way,

this is not how it works. Your credit is ruined. Don't take his advice. The IRS are on the way as we speak. Yeah, my mom calls me about that show all the time. She's like, yo, we got Bill Clarkson calling the house. I don't reply to my mom either.

I don't get the honking by this year. You're a problem now, mom. You seem like a pretty laid back dude, but I feel like you found yourself at the center of some controversy in this year. Always, always. But I love it, you know what I mean? Because I call people on their bullshit at the end of the day. I'm just one of those people that's just like, look, all right, let's have a conversation. I ask a bunch of questions, you know, and I don't take anything for granted.

But I also don't take anything as the absolute truth because we know nothing. You know what I mean? So for anybody to sit up and act like they have the right answer to everything, like, you're bullshitting. So the latest situation with with the Oscars. Yeah. Kevin Hart. I called the Academy out on their bullshit. So you went in on the Academy, but in the process, Sarah Silverman's name comes up. Amy Schumer's name comes up. Chelsea Handler. Yeah. Only just to say, you know, I just wanted to show the landscape, you know what I

mean? Like there's hypocrisy everywhere. And we have this selective outrage that like, oh, we want to be upset when this person says it, but maybe not when this person says it or, you know, like in the choice of words and when it was said and all of these things and everybody's going to come up with their excuses of why their argument is the right argument but it's like it's not about who's right it's about what's right and let's get to that point of like yo if we're really trying to you know progress and and come closer together let's use this as an example to say all right how do we grow from this supposed to like who's wrong and who's right and how do we punish them i i agree with that i think like the punishments is weird right. From 10 years ago.

But also, at some point, too, if the Academy Awards came to me and said, we want you to do the Oscars. You'd be like, yo, I don't even answer my mom's fucking emails. So I don't know if you want to dig up my shit. But isn't it easier just to say sorry? I get that he already did and all that stuff. See, I think everybody's missing the point. Everybody's so missing how brilliant this move

is from Kevin Hart. Oh, it's great from him. No, but even think about it. He said sorry once, right? Then this big organization comes to you and tells you, you have to say sorry if you want to stay employed with me.

He says, fuck you and I still say sorry. Like, how gangster is that? Like, he's saying, you're not going to tell me what to do. Thanks for the little job. You thought you was the shit. I don't want that fucking job no more. But you know what?

If I did offend anyone, I apologize. That's true. I did forget that he had us with a big flex. Yeah. I also think. And now they're not going to have a host sale. Yeah. They made themselves look like idiots because they're not going to have a host sale they made themselves

look like idiots because they're the ones that called them you're going to have to apologize no fuck you I'm not going to have to do shit

but I do apologize if I did offend anyone that's gangster that last apology didn't get the promotion people don't

understand how gangster his movie is and now it's like I get all the credit of like, the Academy thought that I was an Oscar host for the year. I don't even have to do the fucking work. Yeah, exactly. I can just chill that night.

And Kevin Hart doesn't need the money. You're coming at the wrong fucking guy. The amount of success and money he's had, it's like, you're second only to that fucking guy because he is killing it. I love it, man. I love it. And that's why I was like, man, I wish people paid more attention to the chest move that he did. I mean, it's dope, though.

I mean, that's like one of my best friends in life. Kevin is? Yeah, I'm going to hold him down either way. Yo, I'm one of Kevin Hart's biggest fans. I fucking love Kevin Hart. Really? That's awesome. And it's a tough thing to say these days because everyone's Kevin Hart's biggest fan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been rocking with him. He's been on Kevin for a while. That's what's up. Since the Wild N' Out days? Since the Wild N' Out days. It was the Kevin Hart's biggest fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been rocking with him. He's been on Kevin for a while. Since the Wild N' Out days? Since the Wild N' Out days. It was the ride-along trailer. The first ride-along trailer.

When he says he farted out his heart, I still laugh my goddamn ass off every time. That's hilarious. That's love. That's love. I mean, Wild N' Out has been going on for a few years. We all started. A decade plus, right? Yeah, yeah.

That's where a lot of people got introduced to Kevin Hart, Cat Williams, Mikey Day, Pete Davis, and all of those guys came. Yeah, I mean, it's almost like it's got an SNL type of alumni that rolls through. Yeah. Look at some of the names. Yeah, Lorne Michaels stands outside of Wildin' Out and steals all the white guys from him. He does. That's very funny. That's a very funny image man uh the other the other i guess drama you had recently was with um with kanye when he was going wild on his instagram yeah yeah that was uh i love

it i mean that kind of came out of nowhere huh yeah i'm like oh kanye he want this smoke this morning all right well now you know it's funny man because i could say so many things but it's out of nowhere, huh? Yeah, I was like, oh, Kanye, he want this smoke this morning. All right, well, now, you know, it's funny, man, because I could say so many things, but it's just like, why?

Same right now. Yeah. But in that idea of like, yo, I've known these people for a very long time. Kanye. Kanye, Kim. And I have no issues,

beef, but one thing I'm never going to do is hold my tongue. Like, I'm not that dude. Is there anyone that would scare you? Anyone, like, in the celebrity world? I mean, think about it.

I've come toe-to-toe with all the people that people would be scared of. Howard Stern, now one of my closest friends. Eminem, I'll still beat his ass. Like, I'm not scared of anyone you know what I mean and I think because the package was so neatly wrapped when you thought about who Nick Cannon

originally was because a lot of people may have been like introduced that Nickelodeon America's Got Talent like oh he's a great guy we love him

like I got some gangster shit with me too though so it's like it's the beauty of being able to just be fun in myself. Like, I live life in a way like, yo, fuck it. I'm here to just have a good time. It's the way to live, man. But I'm never going to back down from anybody.

Not Kanye, not Eminem. I love that response to Kanye where it was kind of, it was like respectful of people's wives and shit. But it was also like, welcome back from the sunken place. What you're not going to do is tell me what the fuck I can say. I like that. It was very well done. That was a chess move. Of anyone, Kanye, I think Kanye would terrify me because he's not even like, he's not even known.

He's not known as like a push a T where like, you know, he's come up hard. He's just like, you don't know what the fuck. You don't know what's going to happen. Kanye might like call up Donald and be like, yo,

take care of this. Take him out. Push the button on that dude. No, but the funny thing is that like a few nights later, cause you know, we're due to Wild N' Out tour and you know,

Cat Williams, one of my OGss was who's a little crazier than kanye yeah uh he literally said kanye if you have any problems with nick cannon directed directly towards me because we are both crazy and you don't want this smoke and i was like whoa like that's what crazy crazy exactly it's crazy versus his goddamn ass off while he was singing. Exactly. It's crazy versus crazy. So has there been any other Kanye, was it just that the, because I know you were on a radio show, I think, with DJ Academics,

where you were saying, like, as a fan, you could really see that Drake and Kim shit, like, kind of being real. I'm just saying, I thought, like, as a fan, I don't see that being such a crazy concept. And then, you know, the fact that they addressed it, like, immediately. I was like, hey, there's smoke. There's, you never know. That's a fair point.

We were talking about Richard Gere on the radio, and Richard Gere has to keep coming out and saying. That he never had a gerbil in his ass? That's right. They knew it. So you got to keep denying it. saying that he never had a gerbil in his ass so i said to him you know like would you take the the life of fame and successful movie roles right if it meant that everywhere you go people are always like yo that's the guy with the gerbil i mean that is the worst rumor ever like and it's so weird though you know i mean this is what i heard i true. I heard, like, he had a mole on his

ass, and he had it removed, and then the mole turned into an actual animal of a mole, and then the mole turned into a German. We were wondering where it came from. That's the best description we've heard. I think that's exactly where it came from. Like, see what happens when you try to get cosmetic surgery on your ass?

Now they think you got animals in your ass. It would have been better to just have a mole on your butt, bro. Yeah, exactly. A few chicks would have saw the mole. And then, you know, you would have been good. Now, every time someone talks about a party, like, does he have one on his ass right now? Is he a dribble?

Are there people who really like animals in their ass? We were literally just talking about, like, physically, how do you get it in? How do you get it out? Oh, yeah. What happens when it's in there? It's got teeth and claws. claws, that can't be enjoyable. What is going on? I want to know where this rumor came from.

There's other things you can put in your butt that's like me for that. That soothes it. There are so few times we have a guest on KFC Radio that's like, oh, we were just talking about this, and you perfectly can come into the conference and you knew. Congrats to you. You really are a versatile cat. You can do it all.

One of my, like, whenever I hear your name or see you, I instantly think of the phrase, Nick Cannon is hilarious. He really is. I mean, how many times have you had that yelled at you over the years? You know what? When the Chappelle show was popping, every single fucking day.

I bet. And it's so funny because I actually because me and Dave were on tour together. I was opening up for Dave during that time. Yeah, and every night I would get booed off stage because if you saw that whole bit, the Nick Cannon is hilarious was the easy part. The next part was like, fuck Nick Cannon. Because that's what Dave said every, you know, time it came on. So it was just like everywhere I went, it was like, Nick Cannon's hilarious.

Fuck Nick Cannon. And so much so that's how I named one of my comedy specials, Fuck Nick Cannon. Because I didn't even feel that bad because I thought like, damn, I'm bombing every single night. I was just opening up for Dave Chappelle. This should be a great opportunity for me. And then soon as Dave would come out on stage, Dave would be like, I'm Rick James, bitch! Okay.

They just scream at everybody. That's actually when you know. If something is so recognizable and so memorable, they're yelling it at you like something's going right. Exactly. So those good times. Fuck Nick Cannon. So have you, after the comments about the Sarah Silverman tweets,

have they any contact with them? I think they might have DM'd me and reached out to me. I want to have like a real conversation. I'm not one of them DM dudes. Amy Schumer's a big DMer. She's DMing guys here. Amy Schumer is great. You like her, you don't like her, whatever. I do like her. She's a fucking monsterer yeah yeah she's DMing guys here like people like Amy Schumer's great

she's awesome you like her you don't like her I do like her but she's a fucking monster makes a ton of money she's very successful and she's like

spending time talking to one of our idiots out here I was like Amy you are bigger than this you do not need to worry about this guy I saw you wrote a blog

about me like really yeah come on Amy you can't be like you gotta block out like do you listen to anybody even good or bad feedback?

I do. I definitely do. I like that answer, by the way. Thank you for being honest. Because everyone's like, no, I don't listen to the haters. I don't see any of that. Yes, you fucking do. But you know what?

I do it in a different way just based off. I engage. One, I think it's hilarious. I have fun with it. Like, I want to, you know, especially if somebody's witty and quick. Like, I was like, yo, that was fucking hilarious. Like, good one. But also, you know, that was fucking hilarious. Got me. Good one. But also, that's how I find a lot of my talent.

That's how I find all the talent on Wild N' Out is through social media. So if somebody has something to say, I'm going to engage. But it's the same way as if you just saw a crazy person on the corner screaming shit out, you're like, I'm going to go the other way. Or if you see someone's filled with hate, you're not going to engage with that because that's just so much negative energy. But if somebody has a real critique or some real commentary, like, yo, let's have this.

Let's talk. Yo, I'm really concerned of why you said this or why you feel this way. Well, let me explain it to you, and then we'll keep it moving. And I feel like that's the beauty of social media. That's the beauty of social media that's the beauty of being able but that's so that's finding the needle in a haystack isn't it that's like that's finding a diamond in a fucking pile of shit but it's like yeah that's funny but like at the at the end of the day it's like yo if people are saying so many negative things about you then

you gotta you gotta understand why like all right let me check myself to see, am I bringing this type of negative energy like that everyone in my comment hates me? You know, sometimes you got to look inward, look in the mirror

a little bit. Yeah, so I think it's, I think it's healthy for a lot of people. But again, there's just some just dark evil people

that are just, you know, out to just be hateful. You can't engage with them though. Right. Like that's just. And I feel like

that's what. That's their own issue. When you find people on social, you're not finding them in your mentions,'s and I feel like that's what that's their own issue you're not finding them in your mentions you're finding them like viral yeah yeah so I think that's differently I feel like in the mentions it's always way darker than than other places totally so and then when you see people in that space you be like man

they're just miserable you feel bad for those people like dang they you went out your way to type this whole soliloquy and like it's all like negative like man you ain't got a job you don't have a you can't go masturbate like i always tell people like yo if you jack off you would not be so we had we had a mantra going just jerk off yeah you're about to make a bad decision you're're about, you got a big paper to write. You just squeeze one out real quick. Everything is so much easier.

That moment of clarity you have post-nut. You will stop hating. You'll stop stressing. Everything. I feel like you could like solve like mathematic theorems in that one moment. Like your brain is functioning.

Can I get a t-shirt please? We had the, we had the, like Livestrong bracelet. Like always remind yourself. That's a bit, bit. Livestrong bracelets. Like, always remind yourself. Like, just look down. Count your strokes. It'll change the world if everybody embraces it.

So the latest thing you're working on, on the long fucking resume. By the way, you're one of those guys. It's, like, annoying. It's like, okay, you do the movie, and you host, and you rap, and you sing. You do it all. But you got Masked Singer on Fox. Yeah, it's going to be fun. So explain to me the premise because I feel like-

It's ridiculous. So it's fully established singers who are in a masked singer? No, you don't. They could be anyone. They're just famous. That's all they are. And shout out to Fox because they got some of the most famous people that I don't understand.

But don't you think they're not going to know who they are? I don't understand. One, I don't know why anybody agreed to sign up for this show that's that's let's start there let's start here like why would you if you're already rich and famous why would you want to be in a full regalia like head to toe like some of the costume like this is like i wouldn't like you couldn't pay me to do this but these are like some of the biggest stars I can think of are walking around in full costumes,

and then they're singing for a golden mask. Like, they don't get no money. They don't get, like, they just get bragging rights of something that we already know you can do well. We know. Confirmed good singer. Yeah, we know you're a great entertainer. You've won awards doing this.

When does that start up? January 2nd. And is it still, you're still going to be doing America's Got Talent and all that stuff? Or are you switching over to that? I'm done with that. You're done with all that stuff? So this is your main. I think this show is better, honestly.

This show is the first one, because there have been so many singing shows and stuff like that, where you kind of just get lost. I was an American Idol guy for a few years, and you kind of fall off. And then this is the first one that's come back where I'm like, oh, shit. I might watch that. This is so crazy. This is very, very interesting. Yeah, and it's actually worked on so many other levels globally in different territories.

And it's the first time. It's a hit everywhere else. So the fact that we get it here in America now is, you know, I'm one of the— We always get shit so late. What the fuck is that about? Because we're scared to take chances. You go to Asia, they'll like— You got deep on that.

They'll do anything, man. Yeah, they'll be like, yo, let's do a show about kitchen knives dropping on babies. Let's do it. It's going to work. Yo, it is true. Like the Japanese game shows and shit like that Are always there I was thinking more like The Office

But sure yeah Your shows too Remember that one Where the Japanese people Were running up Like the slippery hill And they're falling down Most extreme eliminations

That's how it was It's amazing They make better TV Than we do They do It's like so much better Yup Fucking push

Alright man we appreciate By the way Gigolo is the most Underrated song of all time Thank you Gigolo should be Like underrated song of all time. Thank you. Gigolo should be like the national anthem. There it is. And that song is so fucking fire.

There it is. And so funny. And the music video you guys addressed so perfectly as like the early 2000s or whatever that was. And Cat Williams was in that video too. Cat Williams was in that? Uh-huh. You and R. Kelly just doing your thing.

It was unbelievable, man. Turn it up. Thank you, brother. It was unbelievable, man. Thank you, brother. Really appreciate it, man. Thank you. Big thanks to Nick Cannon That interview was brought to you by Johnny It was brought to you by the big ol' company The company that We kind of

Run Omaha Steaks at this point I think we're very often the top salesman In their whole company because our listeners Understand that's what's what. I mean, honestly, it's the easiest thing we do. I hate to, I'll take credit for it, but it's like, of course, we're the top salesman. All we do is tell you about this ridiculously good deal.

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There has been a murder. What's up? First time in a long time. So I was listening to the podcast today, and KFC and Fights were talking about how they should go on a newlywed show. And that just reminded me that my roommate and I are best friends, and one time we were arguing about who knew each other better, and she said that she knew me so well that she could frame me for murder. So my hypothetical is, could you two frame each other for murder because that's how well

you know each other, or is there anyone on this planet that you know so well that you could frame them for murder? Thanks. Viva. Viva. I feel like It would be I mean both of us are so Predictably at home That was exactly what I was going to say I almost always have it out

Do you? Well you have roommates Like that he was home Yeah but if you're ever If your roommates are not home Or if you're living alone I'll be alone in my apartment It'll be like, well,

I was home. I was like, well, who can corroborate that? Like, well, nobody. So then in that case,

it might be really easy to, to, I feel like there, I feel like that's almost passe at this point. First of all, just so we're clear, I thought that this was framed a friend for murder and it was someone calling him to basically confess.

I was hoping that I got, I got my hopes up that we were going to have the new true crime shit. Like, watch out, my favorite murder. You bitches are canceled because we got fucking murder framing talk all up in here.

The, um... The, uh... I think... I think I could probably frame you for murder. Now, the real problem here is, like, I mean, I wouldn't be a great murderer.

The first problem you have with framing me for murder is people would be like, who was able to, like, be killed by Kevin Clancy? Does he have a gun? Does he have an axe? Does he have a fucking, like, you know what I mean? I'm not a great murderer. See, it is. I do know your whereabouts at all times, but also those whereabouts.

That's the thing with, like, nowadays. social media we all know each other for uh murder though because just because like i'm tweeting all the time and be like you're gonna have to hope for a window when i'm not tweeting to kill that person that's almost like what that's how you i would use it to my advantage i'd be like where's john cheating uh tweeting i'm to dump the body there. You know what I mean? But I don't have my I don't have my location on. But what if you just like what if the time of death is in between me going on some David Price rant? And it's like, well, he died between this hour, but he has 70 tweets about how everyone thinks David Price is bad. It was a crime of passion.

He was so fired up because of the trolls. I feel like big John's time whiskey at the Smith again. I'm going to go dump that body in the bathroom. Are you putting it in the bathroom at the Smith? Sure. You would not be good at this. You don't even know the layout of the Smith. I can give it to you.

It's impossible to get the body downstairs. You don't know that. We can do some weekend at Bernie's shit. I'll get you a body in the bathroom of the fucking Smith by tomorrow. No chance. You couldn't get a backpack into the bathroom of the Smith. You would have no idea how to get it down there. No chance. You couldn't get a backpack into the bathroom of the Smith. You would have no idea how to get it down there.

Challenge accepted. Somebody get me a dead body. I'm going to get into the Smith. I think that... I don't know. I think that I could frame you for murder. This is too much work.

Neither of us are doing this. That's true, too. Do you know how hard it is to frame someone for murder? It is like the most complicated, convoluted process ever. I could kill you and get away with it. Yep. Definitely. That's an easier one.

It's hard for me to get you to go out to a bar, let alone kill a person. Yeah, right. I'm fucking definitely not going to take the time to murder someone. Do you guys think you could get away with each other's murder? You'd be like number one suspect. No.

No, I disagree. We're all each other has. It's always the boyfriend. It's always the girlfriend. It's like always the most close person. No, but because we're not actually in a relationship, we like each other. The reason why it's always the significant other is because you hate the person you're with.

Me and John still like each other because we're not fully together so like you think what would i who would i fucking what would i do john was dead i'd be like all right now's the portion of the program where somebody would tell a fucked up story about their childhood dead silence for the next 10 minutes john's gonna get through these ad reads without me we would be he'd be crying at all murders are logical like you couldn't possibly commit a crime of passion and kill someone and then have to cover it up you know how passionless we are i really couldn't i couldn't again unless it was david price i don't think he's getting fired up there's a tie there's a time in my life i certainly could have committed a crime of passion i think i talked about on radio the other day when i moved out of

my college apartment i had had like, just like seven holes in the wall just from punching, from being angry. I don't have that fire. Once you get older, you realize it's not... You know what I've got? I've like, like Nick Cannon, where I'm like the opposite, where it's just like, I guess I don't give a fuck, but I don't give a fuck

to the point of verbalizing it. I'm just like... I give so little of a fuck. I don't even care. I don't care. I'll talk about anything. I don't care. I won't talk about anything. I don't care about anything anymore, to the point of verbalizing it i'm just like so i give so little fuck i don't care i don't care i don't care i won't talk about anything i don't care about anything anymore to the point that like i used to be if i was trying to get home from work and there was like train traffic or i missed my train or something like that i'd be like fuck come on i just want to get home and now i'm like what's the difference like all right i'll be home like 45 minutes later an hour later so what just play I'll play on my phone here yeah well that that is true then the phone is

really the big difference when you used to just have to like stare at the wall at Grand Central until the new train came that was terrible now it's like well I'm gonna be at Twitter at home I'll be Twitter on the train I'll just be on Twitter at Grand Central. So the phone has changed things. But like, you know, stuck in traffic. What? So I can get to a new destination to be miserable? Like, who fucking cares, man? Life is too short and pretty much too often is it very miserable to be miserable. It's like, are you really going to complain every time life's miserable?

Because guess what? It's all the time. Right. You're never going to stop complaining. It's like, are you really going to complain every time life's miserable? Because guess what? It's all the time. Right. You're never going to stop complaining. Grow up! At this point, I'm a drowned body and I'm no longer like,

there's too much water. I got it. You are saturated, dude. I'm good. Your lungs are full. I'm full of water. There's no amount of water. You do look like that.

Oh, come on. I have a quick hypothetical for you. Definitely going to kill you. If you had, this is a would you rather. Your collection's won. So would you rather have to run everywhere that you're going? Nope, out.

Or you have to shout every time you talk? Uh-uh. You guys better get some earplugs. Get some fucking earmuffs. Because I am going to shout everything. I would just be Stu Finer. He's fucking living pretty normal. He's got $4 million. I mean, I can't.

I physically, I would just, you think I don't go anywhere now? If I had to run everywhere, I would never go anywhere. I can run everywhere I go. No, you can't. Yes, I can. You can't run for more than 15 second bursts. No, I can. No, you can't.

I can't. I mean, it's not a full sprint. I can run. No, you can't. What do you mean I can burst. No, I can. No, you can't. I can't. I mean, it's not a full sprint. I can run. No, you can't. What do you mean I can't? Remember on the treadmill on the marathon? You're like, I can only run in 15 seconds. Oh, no, I can go a full minute.

Minute. That's just anaerobic training. Okay, Mac. That's the only sports I ever played were stop and start sports. That's just how my body works but I can run I did it I did it like I was really stressed out one night I went for a walk

and then I just started running and I ran pretty far I would walk in between but I'd run like in like jeans? yep fully dressed I ran by a stool he's like what the fuck is Feidelberg doing I'm just sprinting it was like 11 o'clock at night. I'm telling you, we all had that moment. It was so weird. I ran

from my apartment down to Union Square and then back. I mean, that was what I did. I didn't run. I walked. I did the lazy man's version, but I walked and I just walked and I just kept walking. It was cold as shit. And I walked from 89th to probably Union Square.

So, I mean, you went like 10 blocks. I went like 70, but whatever. Well, I was sprinting. It was more tiring for me. I only go to the office and the train station. I can sprint there. I can run both places. I need to hear everybody's mental breakdown stories. Please.

Regale us with you. What did you do? Did you walk? Did you run? Did you like what did you do did you walk did you run did you like exercise did you drink everybody has their moment where they break down they don't know what to do this so they just pick some activity and just do it to death because it's like otherwise it was so it was like uh like walbert and invincible where i just like i walked outside i was like i was like this sucks i gotta just i just gotta go walk and i got outside i got the air and i was like i gotta I was like, I gotta run. I gotta run.

I gotta run this out of me. It's a Forrest Gump shit. Just keep going. I have a confession. Okay. I bought a treadmill. Can I tell you too? You don't have closets anymore? You're just going to hang your clothes on that fucking thing? So I wasn't, I was thinking about it. And then I was like, I'm not actually going to get a treadmill, right?

And then, you know what I saw? It was, this treadmill was $200. What? It said, you save $3,800. I was going to say, aren't treadmills like $3,000? It was $4,000 marked down to $200. So I was like, this thing is probably going to kill me somehow. It's got to be defective or something.

But I almost bought it because I was like, I don't know. At the worst, I'm going to flip it for like $300. Right. Or maybe like $2,000 because that's still a great deal. Where did you get it? So I'm actually just a treadmill flipper uh sears.com we use christmas shopping or black friday shopping or whatever nope i was treadmill shopping what uh what are your mental breakdown stories fucking kevin clancy treadmill shopping holy shit i cannot believe. I cannot think of something more outrageous than you logging on to decide you need a fucking Stairmaster or a NordicTrack, a fucking goddamn treadmill, Kevin.

Are you kidding me? It folds up. Are you kidding me, Smitty Arms? Folds up all nicely. It's one of those tiny ones. I'm going to be getting my treadmills. I love that you decided you needed to change your life and buy some workout equipment

and you got the absolute cheapest thing you could possibly find. Well, I'm still being somewhat reasonable because I know, as John just said, it's going to become a clothes rack. Imagine if I had a $4,000 clothes rack. That would be ridiculous. Now I only have a $200.

Honestly, what are you going to do? I'm just going to walk all night long. I'm just going to keep walking. You're just going to put it in front of the TV. I literally, so I'm living alone now, and I... We crave... I'll speak for myself here, because this is what I'm learning. I crave the ability to do nothing.

But now what I've learned is when I have infinite, I start to freak out a little bit. Yeah. So and so a tip of my cap to you fucking losers who have been living alone. You goddamn degenerates. No, you at least you have roommates. But for the most part, you're like they come and they go. You're pretty much living your own life, doing your own thing. I cohabitate.

And I, I, I'm. I cohabitate with some people. I'm almost like Brooks from Shawshank. I got so whipped in my relationship and so focused on being a dad that now when I'm not, I'm like, I'm just going to hang myself. I need to re-assimilate back into life. And the first step I'm doing is a treadmill. But Iilate back into life and I'm like and the first step I'm doing is a treadmill but I was like well I'm also fat right now I've also hit like my absolute

I'm bigger than I've ever been so I was like I do need to make some changes and the only thing I can do where I'm not like well I just fucking broke my shoulder again or like oh time to have another back surgery I'm gonna just walk baby walking's cool it's not cool I love. Walking is cool. Walking is, I mean, if you put that on TV.

It's not cool. No, I love walking. Yeah, but it's not cool. It is cool. Walking is fun. Okay, so when I'm walking on my treadmill, you think I'm going to be cool? I mean, I don't think you're going to look cool, but I think you're going to be like, this is fun.

See, what I'm going to do is I'm going to put on Schitt's Creek. Right. And I'm just going to walk and watch TV. Yeah, exactly. I think I can actually do that. All the other type of workouts I've ever said I'm going to do, in the back of my mind, I'm like, I'm not going to do this.

Like, I'm not going to really go to the gym and like really work out. I'm not going to like do P90X. I'm not going to do that. I think I can walk at a slow fucking pace for like hours on end.

I'm just going to keep walking. You are literally a hamster on a treadmill. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yep. So anyway, I'm not running everywhere. I got to shout.

Oh, yeah. I was going to say, what was the question on this one? No, I can run. There's nothing I dislike more in the world than aggressively loud people. And people who I can get aggressively loud, but someone who is standard loud. They don't even know. Like when you're loud, you know you're doing it because you're animated,

you're excited. When someone's default is just like, hello John, how are you? Oh my God. Because there's no sound louder than an unwelcome one. And it's just like, your voice is unwelcome.

You have these like little idioms that you say, I don't know where you store them all in your brain. I think it's from your schooling, your 25 years of college college where you were taking like writing courses and shit you always have these little like phrases that i think are like from you know like the past generation something like your grandfather would say you know what i mean

like couldn't you see your grandpa like open it up a word there's original being like there's no sound louder than an unwelcome one son like why is this 30 year old in the year 2018 saying that i'm waiting for him to start talking like old english you know i used to someone tweeted me today about uh i said i reference abandon hope all ye went are here um yes that's one well i i reference it to boom dog saints so as to be relatable but yes of course i know it's on the gates of hell and dante's inferno right like come on all right tough come on don't don't be ridiculous i smash to be relatable. But yes, of course, I know it's on the gates of hell and Dante's Inferno. Like, come on. All right, tough.

Come on, don't be ridiculous. I smashed humanities courses. Thank you. I took a thousand humanities courses. You want to talk about Pascal's theorem? Let's fucking go. St. Augustine?

Yeah, you do know. You always do know those like the dog one and the fucking all those like experiments and shit. He can always reference those or at least he does and i don't know enough to call him out so maybe he's getting him wrong all these years

well we got a voicemail about butt plugs coming up okay well back to our wheelhouse the first one that was go ahead let's go with it let's go with it i'll stop being so smart hey kfc by super producer bc so me and my friend were talking about my other friend's sex life because she shares way too much information with us people who do that telling us how her boyfriend asked her to buy a butt plug that is like one of the jeweled ones and he asked for a specific color and everything which to us was like I don't know if we're too vanilla or something, but what the fuck? Like, who asked their girlfriend to buy a butt plug and it's specifically a specific color and everything? Like, we just wanted to know why guys would be into that.

And I know you guys really like the butt play so please tell us why would a guy want their girlfriend to get a teal blue jeweled butt plug and like specifically ask for that thanks because he's gay well it's not going in him oh i i thought it was oh i i just assumed it was he he wanted like that's his favorite color he wanted to look at it i listen i actually it's not about the the where who's is going in it's 2018 but i think it's weird if you request if you're fucking her with it or if it's going in you i think to care about the aesthetic of it is gay i think caring about the color and the jewel is, that's what makes you a homosexual.

If you want a butt plug in your butt, you could be as straight as a goddamn arrow. But if you're like, I need this color. It's gotta be teal and bejeweled. Like, all right. All right,

Omo. Like, are you gonna like, how's your boyfriend doing? I think, I think it is entirely possible that, uh, anybody, uh, if you're comfortable with your sexuality, you could go tell your girlfriend, Oh, you're going to the store? You're going to get a butt plug? Pick up two. Pick up another one.

Take one of those. Stop while I'm grabbing off a waffle on the way. I'll take one of those too. I think that is super straight. So straight. Getting fucked in the ass super straight these days. But caring about the color of it is definitely a step further where that would make straight. So straight. Getting fucked in the ass super straight these days. But caring about the color of it is definitely a step further where that would make me scratch my head.

Yeah. I mean, all of it is aggressive. Don't get me wrong. An average guy. I don't think I'd want a butt plug in me. I don't think I'd like that. I'm not saying I do either. I'm saying that if one were so inclined, I think that that in this day and age is not as gay as it once was. Yeah, no, no doubt.

No doubt. Like, look, you want to throw a finger, take a finger. Yeah. But you know what is so funny now that there's now that we're all, you know, dabbling in that pond. Now we're all swimming in that pond a little bit. It's pretty impressive what chicks can do with their assholes, man. You know, because even like just the just a little bit of activity and i'm like okay that's enough you take that and like a couple more and like a full fucking member up in

there like you are impressive girl that's it's look that's why porn stars are athletes man porn stars really are they have they have bodies that are physical performance right they have bodies that most humans can't do top like oh one percent their bodies their bodies are physical freaks it doesn't make any sense so anyway though i mean uh i the the red flag to me the teal flag to me would be worrying about the color yeah i i definitely would never i would never worry about what color she was like i want to get a butt plug i'd be like whatever color you want i don't i really don't give a shit. It's totally fine. It can be one of those ones with a hook that you can finger into. It can be the Bejeweled.

You can do whatever the hell you want. I like the one that has almost like the corkscrew handle. That thing is like, it's almost like a lawnmower. It's got that fucking handle. It's like pumping for oil, but you're careful because sometimes you hit. Eureka! We hit! Producer BC is hiding

in his own skin. He's literally hiding behind his hands. When you go to the office today, and you're talking to Pete, talk about the producer cam, like the BC cam, that is just zoomed in on your face for moments like these. I'm just going toed in on your face for moments like these. I'm just going to wear one of those rigs.

I think it was MTV's Fear where they were running around in the dark and they had a camera strapped to their vest that came up in front of them. Yep, that's what we need on you for when we're talking about teal butt plugs. Last voicemail? Yeah. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Eero. So let me just say this. One of the By the way, just

sorry to interrupt. I'm lighting paper on fire in the show. Yeah, you are pyro. Lip paper smells a lot like a church. That makes sense, right? Incense and candles and shit on fire. I hate that. I love that.

That makes me, I think I'm like allergic to that shit. They start whacking that frankincense around and I'm just like. That's going to take you right back to church. Oh, yep. Yep. I like though because the incense, I just don't like the scent of it. That smell though, I can get down with that smell. Eero is the home Wi-Fi system for your spot where basically you can have your entire apartment wired with Wi-Fi.

It's not just one router or one little location. You want to take your phone to your bathroom. You want to go in your bedroom. You want to go to the basement. You want to go maybe even outside in the backyard a little bit. You need a full system that boosts the signal everywhere you go. I might get this for my roommates for Christmas because I have the bedroom with the hot Wi-Fi. Oh, you're centered.

And everyone else is looking off. You're not going to do that, but that's a nice thought. I'm not going to do it, but it would be nice. It would be a really nice thought. And that's all I need in life. Oh, I had a nice thought. It's the thought that counts. Good for me.

I'm still a good person. So I'm going to get this for my new spot. I'll tell you what else. One of the benefits, the only benefit of now being this late-in-life single dad, I got the Sharper Image catalog just sent to my house the other day. I'm about to get all those things. Like all that shit that is so dumb and senseless. Like what?

Like what? Like the sumo wrestler coffee table, baby. What the fuck is that? You don't know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about. You guys don't know the sumo wrestler coffee table, baby. What the fuck is that? You don't know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about. You guys don't know the sumo wrestler table? Absolutely not. It's this sumo wrestler.

He's on all fours. He's about to, you know how they get down in their three-point stance? It's a four-point stance. And it's got a glass table on his back. It's a sumo wrestler coffee table. You are going to have Pee-wee's fun house. Yeah, it's going to be all those dumb things that I would want to buy. I had a wife being like, no, that's fucking ugly.

You're like, no, I don't like that. I'm going to get things out of spite. I'm going to be doing, have you ever seen the ones in the Sharper Image where it's like a fucking rave going on in your shower? It attaches to the shower head, and there's just lights blasting. I'm going to have the speakers in my shower. It's going to be a fucking funhouse. I absolutely thought Sharper Image went out of business. I thought that was like

Circuit City. Radio Shack. And SkyMall. I might start flying places just to look at SkyMall to pick out things for my new apartment. I might start being your wife. Start being. Do we need that? Do we really need the shower head though?

My mom was doing some shit from the other day. What was it? I think she was picking up stuff for Shay's birthday, like wrapping paper and things like that. I was getting the presents, but she was getting all the ancillary stuff. And she turned to my sister and she was like, I mean, you need a wife for this shit. So my mom and my co-hosts are my wives. And Eero is a perfect example of this stuff. It's like one of these gadgets that's going to make your apartment extra dope because everyone's going to have that strong Wi-Fi.

Go to Eero.com, E-E-R-O.com slash KFC. Get $100 off the Eero base unit and the two beacons. So when you get the base unit, two beacon package, and one year of Eero, you get $100 off when you go to Eero.com slash KFC. Last one. Hey, KFC, Vice, Super. I was thinking, on a long drive,

I'll keep it short. If you had the power to transport whatever you wanted as many times as you wanted, but the stipulation is someone dies every time you transport. Yikes. How many times or would you even do it? And the other thing is no family members are allowed to die. So this is almost like The Box, right? That movie?

Yeah. What do you mean you can transport? I think it means teleport. Yeah. Okay, I was like, what am I transporting? I get to transport drugs? Money? No, you.

You're transporting yourself. You get to teleport anywhere. Snap your fingers. Reappear wherever you want. Now, on the surface, I am going to say, I'm never going to do this. I'm not going to kill somebody, but you catch me. Oh,

okay. Well, John, you can answer next, but I was going to say, I'm not going to just randomly kill people because I don't want the inconvenience of like being stuck on a train or stuck in traffic, but you catch me at the right time.

I'm in like Penn station on the holidays and the seventh circle of hell. And I need to get, or like the other day, the other day, uh, when we had the four inches of snow and it was Armageddon cause we didn't have the trucks and the salt ready. And people took,

it took them like eight hours to go 10 miles to get home. You best believe someone's dead. I'm slapping that. I'm slapping that button, transporting to the comfort of my own home. I'm going to have my feet up by the fireplace and your grandma's going to almost dead. I'm slapping that button, transporting to the comfort of my own home. I'm going to have my feet up by the fireplace and your grandma's going to be dead. See, I'm the opposite of you.

I think on the surface, I think right now I'm saying I use that shit all the time. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Push comes to shove, you're not going to do it. I think push comes to shove, I don't do it. Yeah, I think right now, I really love traveling. I think we've established that. And like, sick fuck. I want to go to Australia, but I don't want to be on a really love traveling. I think we've established that.

And, like, I want to go to Australia, but I don't want to be on a plane that long. Like, I'd love to just go to Australia. Wait, I thought you just said you really love traveling. I do love traveling, but I don't want to be on a plane. Oh, oh. I love experiencing new cultures, Kevin. God. And, like, I want to go to London.

You're very cultured and learned. That's the biggest difference between you two. I know, I know. You have a lot of similarities. That's why we never work. I want to go see Australia. Like, I've never been to London. I really want to go to London. I know. You have a lot of similarities. That's why we never work. I want to go see Australia. I want to. I've never been to London.

I really want to go to London. London sucks. I want to go to London in the next few months. London is like a rainy New York. Awesome. No, not awesome. New York sucks.

I love that. It rains more in New York than it does in London. Well, all right. Yeah, New York just sucks altogether. London stinks. The food's terrible. I know that,

but you know I don't really care about food much. I care more about pub scenes and kind of just just check it's true you want to get down to good pub i'm sure london's for you um but i go london i want i love to travel i've traveled a good amount of my life but i think i want to travel a lot more and uh that's that's the easiest way to do that to be able to teleport and if someone in oklahoma dies just because i did that poor oklahoma just like sitting here right now, I will fucking just – I'll be snapping everywhere. But I think if it came down to it –

John would snap to get back to his apartment, which is five blocks away. Right, I would. Well, you would say you would, but you wouldn't do it when push comes to shove. If it was that absolutely no one I know is ever affected by it. You would do it. Sitting here, yes. That's what I mean. When push comes to shove, would you?

I don't. Probably not, right? There's no way to really know, but I don't think I would. Let's enhance this game a little bit. I don't know. So many people die every day. Every day. You couldn't even pin one on me. You'd be like, oh, today you killed the 102-year-old woman.

You killed that 101-year-old guy who says he's been living off Coors Lights. He forgot to have a Coors Light today, so he's dead. I don't give a shit. I don't care. You know what the real problem is, though? You start thinking about a kid. If you killed a two-year-old just because you didn't want to sit in traffic, that's soft. I'm so good at convincing myself that I'm not at fault.

You could spin zone the death of a two-year-old that you knew was pinned on you? At no point is this voicemail told. True. I could read in the newspaper like, oh, that one wasn't me. But you might be like, but that could have been me. I know. That's what sucks. I'll just stop reading newspapers. I'll keep going to countries where I can't

read the newspaper. Well, let me say this. What if I told you that the death is going to come from the middle east oh god uh no yeah because it sounds racist to say yeah i'm saying like uh like uh there's absolutely no way i have any connection to it like let's say new zealand just because they're all no no i'm saying like let's say because they're all white because they're all white like it, I'm saying like, let's say. Because they're all what? Because they're all white. It sounds racist to say, yes, a brown person will die. My point was like, if it's like this war-torn place of strife and violence and death,

what's another one? What if I picked you like the fucking Congo or some shit? Also racist, but I'm saying. Also brown people. Like, all right, where's somewhere where there's a lot of white people dying? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We got it pretty good.

Do you know what I'm saying? I do know exactly what you're saying. Stop being racist for one minute and just kill the brown people, John. I'm saying that if you tell me it's a place where there's like thousands of people dying every two seconds anyway, I'm like, yeah, fine. You narrow it down to the right spot. I think I'm interested. Yeah, I think anyone. Antarctica?

Fine. How about this? You kill someone in Antarctica, they probably want to die. I'll kill a penguin all day. What if it was a dog? No. Yeah, right? Like, a dog would be way more like,

that's a... I'm never doing this. A human, it's like, we could figure out a situation where... I mean, look, anything. I'm like, well, I mean, look, he was 14, so what are we going to do? That's a 14-year-old dog, it's a good life. If you tell me that I'm killing someone well, I mean, look, he was 14, so what are you going to do? That's a 14-year-old dog. It's a good life.

If you tell me that I'm killing someone in Siberia, I'll do it every day. Those places suck. Siberia's a good one. Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Shamahamistan. They're living under rocks. They're eating sand for dinner. Get rid of them. The more we talk about this, the more likely I am.

Because, yeah, I was just thinking America. You say someone's going to die, you always immediately picture someone close to you because that's where it hurts. Yeah. And so now that I'm thinking that, we have 7 billion people. Too many people. I really want to see Paris. Thanos up in here. Seriously, John's just snapping just to, like, get the numbers up.

Go to the second floor. It's like, no, no, no, I don't even need to go anywhere, but I'm trying to make a dent in this overpopulation. Got to solve it. KSU Radio, karaoke is brought to you by 23andMe. This year, now through December 25th, 23andMe DNA kits are on sale.

Give the gift of knowledge. Give the gift of history. Give the gift of family pride. Get yourself and your family members a 23andMe DNA kit where you will find, you'll do genetic discovery for your parents, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, your grandparents, everyone on your list, everyone in your family.

They can learn a little bit more. By the way, breaking news. I don't I didn't even know if I wanted to admit this. My dad did this. Oh. We got some Italian in us. No, we have like a shred of Italy. I honestly look at you differently right now.

It's like it became. I swear to God. I think he said that we have like, you know, like one person down the line was in Italy or some shit. So now. What is that? You had a piece of pizza? Yeah, I think I really think it was like that. But now I can really make the jokes.

Listen, you can find. I actually I didn't like that but now i can really make the jokes listen you can find i actually i didn't like that revelation but there's gonna be some cool ones i really don't like it yeah it's pretty gross right but you might find out some cool stuff like uh i don't know it would be cool to find out you're like spanish i love that yeah pedro pascal there you go so maybe hey do that 23 and me right now maybe you're spanish maybe you're not but hey there's always a chance you are go to 23 and me 23 and me.com slash kfc and you will get 30 off any of the the DNA kits you order. That's 23andMe.com slash KFC for the holidays. Find out who you are. We wrap up today with an American classic. A song that deserves so much more praise than it gets.

Shout out to Nick Cannon. Shout out to R. Kelly. Jiggle on. I, John, I contemplated getting a flute once to learn just how to play this song. Imagine if I could whip out a flute at a party, I screw it together, and I'm like, I'm playing Jigalo.

This song deserves to be on the same level as Ignition. I'm a Saiyan. Outro Music We'll be right back. Jiggle-o is a great word. Make that DNA thing a little less racist.