KFC Radio - Nick Kroll, Baby Shark Remix, and My Girlfriend's Weird Search History

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

Nick Kroll is on the show to discuss Big Mouth, The League and trying to make as much money off John Mulaney as possible. The Baby Shark slow jam is fire. Voicemails: my dad is her OBGYN, my girlfriend likes Family Guy porn, sleep groping and kindergarten thiefYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by none other than Thursday Boots, our official boot sponsor, our official boot collector. Thursday Boots. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. No, it should be Thursday. Boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop.

We're sold out. The Barstool Boot 1.0're sold out. The Barstool boot, 1.0, sold out. We did two restocks. That's it. People keep asking, why don't you do more? Because what are you, a fucking idiot? What are you, new to this game, bro? Why doesn't Conn just get more yeezys?

Shit's exclusive, B. Right? Come on now. Use your fucking head. You keep that shit supplying the man, dude. People are clamoring for them. We dropped a thousand boots. If you're not in on the first thousand, that's it.

You're out. However, you go to Thursdayboots.com You can get plenty of other choices. You can't get our shit. Our shit's sold out, but they have a shit ton of boots. All sorts of different designs. All sorts of different styles. We're going to be working on some things.

Now that we know that the people out there want the boots, there'll be a 2.0. So I don't know when it's coming. I don't know what it's going to look like, what it's going to be like, but it's going to be dope. Full-blown collaboration. Kevin, we don't do anything that's not dope. That's really facts.

That's just big facts, facts machine, facts only. Go to ThursdayBoots.com. Use the promo code FREESHIPTODAY if you want to get a pair of boots that are not ours shipped to you in just two days. If you want to hang out and wait, you know, Black Friday is coming. Maybe. Who knows? I'm not sure. But when the people –

Folks, we call that when the biz a tease. When they do drop, though, people are going to know. Thursdayboots.com, promo code FREESHIP today. I feel like I kind of just ruined it. Remember when Michael and Andy go on a sales call and Andy's kind of like sucking his dick more than he's supposed to? Where he's like, oh, that is the mastermind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a classic undersell.

I'm like, that's a tease. That's a good tease. Funny joke. Everybody laugh. Funny joke. I appreciate it, man. Nobody supports you like me, babe. Nobody supports me like you, babe.

Let's go let it ride. Nick Kroll on the show today. Nick Kroll. Awesome dude. Yeah. I would say out of everyone I've ever talked to, aside from Dan Soder, he doesn't count because he's just like a third host kind of. Nick Kroll was the most natural guest we've ever had. He just sat down and you would have thought there was a third member of the podcast.

He was. He was. You know what? Sometimes I get in my own head where I'm like, we're a little too immature sometimes. And then other times I'm like, wait, this is fucking funny. Yeah. Like Nick Kroll was talking about cum and blood and I was laughing. Yep. That's like so what? Well, that's what's really interesting about it. I'm talking about wait, this is fucking funny. Yeah. Like, Nick Foles talking about cum and blood, and I was laughing. Yep.

That's like, so what? Well, that's what's really interesting about it. I don't give a fuck. I'm talking about cum and fucking dolls. I don't give a shit. That's what's funny, man. Give the people what they want. There's a difference between-

It's hard to accept yourself sometimes. Yeah. Guess what? This is what I find funny, I find entertaining, and I don't give a fuck what you think about it. There's a difference between- Jacked up today. Just like- Not early in the morning.

Finding funny what you find funny, and like, low brow, low hanging fruit. There are certain jokes that are just like, yeah, come on, that's not funny and like low brow, low hanging fruit. There are certain jokes that are just like, yeah, come on. Like that's not funny. That's that's just lazy or whatever. But then there's certain things that are like it's eternal farts and dicks and stuff are eternally funny. There's a reason why people make making those jokes forever, because there is just some humor in that no matter what. Well, we make our dick jokes.

Me, you and our pal Nick. We're not saying suck my dick. That's not funny. Right. But the way that you can paint the picture and be a little more relatable, but also be like, we've been laughing about this since we had dicks, since we found out that we had dicks. We've been laughing about dicks. And that's really what his new show is like, Big Mouth, the new cartoon on Netflix, him

and Mulaney just doing their like- Him and Mulaney, everybody. He goes through the cast, you'll hear in a second. He goes through the cast. Fucking everybody. I actually still don't know who Jordan Peele is. No, no, everybody. He goes through the cast. You'll hear in a second. He goes through the cast. Fucking everybody. I actually still don't know who Jordan Peele is. No, no, no. I know who he is.

I mean, in the show. I was like, what? I don't know. I don't know who he's voicing. I've seen it in the credits. There's probably a black guy in there somewhere. Yeah, but there it's... I forget the girl's name.

Trenny? I forget her name. But it's a black girl. Yeah, her dad's black. But he's very little in... The cast is so legit. Jason Manzoukas. I always forget how to say her name. The black girl, yeah. Her dad's black, but he's very little in it. The cast is so legit. Jason Manzoukas, I always forget how to say his name. Raffy. By the way, shout out Raffy, the real

Raffy, my guy. Children's song Raffy. He's been doing it big. I forget what he's doing, but he got tweeted about yesterday. But it's big. I forget what he's doing. It's like Raffy's doing stuff. Hell yeah, boy. Big Raffy guy as a kid. Yeah? Oh yeah. Love Raffy. Alright. Is he each their own? Is he like Raffy's doing stuff. It's like, hell yeah, boy. I was a big Raffy guy as a kid. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Loved Raffy.

All right. They each their own. You like Raffy? I don't even know Raffy. You know what? The only thing I know as a kid right now, the only thing that matters is baby shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark.

Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark.

Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark.

Shark, shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark.

Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark.

Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark.

Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, shark. Shark, jam. We'll play that shit for everybody. And we'll get into the voicemail mode? No, we'll do – we got to get into – let's get into Kroll. Let's go to Nick first.

Let's get into Kroll, and then when we come out, we'll rock out to Baby Shark slow jam, and we'll do our voicemails. This interview was brought to you by Stitch Fix. We got our Stitch Fix boxes the other day. Okay, finally. I can fucking say it. The jeans I'm wearing in the picture with logan they're like fucking sexy and and i wear every single time i wear them people

are like where did you get those jeans stitch fix stitch fix finally got an ad read for him stitch fix stitch fix is one of those uh subscription monthly boxes it sends to you you get uh first of all you go online and you you you do like an extensive uh list where it's like i like this i don't like this. This is my style. This is not my style. Here's what I'm down with. Here's what I'm not down with.

And they completely like curate your style, which is always interesting because, you know, sometimes I fill those out before and it's like, is it going to get it right? And then I got my first box and it was like a Henley that I like, a T-shirt that I like, a pair of jeans that I love, like a long sleeve tee that I love. It's like, shit, they got it right. They're my favorite jeans I love. I was like, shit, they got it right. They're my favorite jeans I own. They're so hot. So, listen, if Feidelberg is given the favorite pair of jeans seal of approval, you know that every item you're going to get

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So you only pay for what you keep. And when you go to stitchfix.com slash KFC, you get 25% off. You got to keep all the items in your box, but you'll get 25% off the entire box when you go to stitchfix.com slash KFC. One more time, stitchfix.com slash KFC. Get that shipment today. Nick Kroll, let's talk to him. In studio at Sirius headquarters, we got Nick Kroll with us.

What's going on, man? Hi, guys. There's that voice, those golden pipes. There it is. The moneymaker. The voice that launched two ships. You know, two big ships, though, man. Doing well.

The new cartoon is out on Netflix, Big Mouth, where I've always said that I feel like voiceover work is kind of the dream. But, you know, because it's easy. But when you do all the voices like you do, it's probably a little more difficult. It's, yeah, I mean, it's like it is the best, like in that you just are, you don't have to get in makeup. You know, I can play a bunch of characters without having to put on a bunch of wigs and make a bunch of costume changes and not have to, like, show up on set at 530 in the morning somewhere. Yeah. So in that regard, it's so much easier. And creatively, you know, we just get to tell every kind of story.

There's just no limitations. There's no I mean, there there's budgetary stuff in that. You're like, well, we can't you know, we can't draw like 50 new different like characters and locations on every episode. But also it's like you can just do anything. You just there's no there's no limitations that live action presents the problems of. That's actually I'm not much of a cartoon guy never really have been like i i've never been much of a south park guy i watched all big mouth last night it was awesome i i but like it is it's weird to kind of see that because i do like things more

based in reality yeah but also uphill getting pregnant is fucking hilarious yeah yeah and that's the thing it's like you know we because it's it's it's you know the show is it's about me and and my best friend from childhood and Goldberg, based on our lives of going through puberty. It's like Andrew, who is voiced by John Mulaney in the show, gets nailed by puberty, which is what happened to him when he was a kid. Season two, this really happened to him, ripped straight from the headlines he had one of those little puby mustaches as a 7th grader and his father made his mother wax his upper lip oh Jesus Christ

and so for years Andrew could grow a full beard he could grow a full beard but except right up here he couldn't grow anything and we referred to that as his reverse Hitler so he was like he was and we referred to that as his reverse Hitler. Of course. So he was like... Puberty's a motherfucker.

Yes, it is. He was ravaged by puberty. And I was like, I was a super late bloomer. I didn't get my first pubes until like high school. And I was like not even five feet tall. So, you know, it was kind of the story of these two kids who were like at such different stages physically, but our best friends going emotionally

and dealing with all these different kinds of things. So Andrew had the hammer dick. Andrew had the hammer dick and I had the little boy dick. And I got pantsed in seventh grade and I was wearing silk boxer shorts. Hey now, that's pretty cocky for a seventh grader. Lil Hef, but those slipped right on down. And I got, so I got pants.

And the only person who saw exactly what happened was the girl that I had had a crush on, like my middle school crush. It was not a very impressive scene for her. It was not an impressive scene. And just for all the ladies out there listening today, it is now a completely average scene um so it it definitely it's all the kind of stuff that is hard to watch or hard to live through but is is i think i think hopefully fun to watch including like another thing that's sort of based on a friend of ours in in middle school who used to have sex with his pillow um i had a buddy used to fuck he'd do the same thing he did with couch cushions yes he wouldn't even fuck the pillow yeah i was all of that was that all of that in reality i'd never

heard the lentil soup no that was that was that was a that was where we so it was in the show it's you know he that he fills the two bags with amy's organic lentil soup and and put warms them up in the microwave just to get it to the right body temp and then go to town. And, no, that was something that I added in the room where I was like, and then he, and I was like, where does, how did I, where does that come from? I was going to say, listen, a lot of these things are rooted somewhere in reality, Nick. I don't know. You know. It's all unfortunately rooted in reality.

So, you know. How much of it, like, if it's if it's all somewhat rooted in reality how's dad like the show because i feel like dad gets a raw deal uh my dad loves the show i mean my dad is like my dad's character in the show is is a is super loving but that's one way to put it yes overly he's like he's so it's it's because it's really not my dad i mean it's like you know all the characters are sort of based on people either in our families or friends from the school. But they're also now then just become these crazy departures, except for Andrew's dad, who is voiced by Richard Kind, who is so much like his real father. It's crazy.

But Andrew's dad, if you watch season one, like can't stop eating scallops. That was the first thing. Scallops. I say scallops. I always get tripped up. It's a scallop guy, but he loves them. He loves scallops, but he can't. And the scallops are voiced by Jon Hamm, so they're really sort of seductive.

And he can't stop eating them, but they won't stop giving him diarrhea. So he was like, I don't like scallops, but he does keep in the show, it's like he keeps Rolaids in his weird wide boat shoes, which is true. No, stop. He keeps a bunch of packages of Rolaids in his wide boat shoes. It's fucking crazy. It is fucking crazy, man. Out of all the weird shit on that show, that might be the weirdest one.

That's true. Weirdly true. We've always talked about, we have a theory that every guy basically has a five-year-old like inside of them. And basically, to be an adult, you're just trying to keep that at bay. Yeah. Which is kind of like the hormone monster. Yeah, yeah. The hormone monster in the show is a literal monster that pops out and it's kind of like

the devil on your shoulder. Touch yourself, Andrew. There it is. There it is. Except he's just telling you to jerk off all the time. That's the only goal of this devil. But I think that applies to absolutely everyone. And I mean, this is very specifically the hormones, but we always said like the five-year-old or the fifth grader

you keep at bay is just like this stupid dumb boy in you yeah that wants to just like i want to punch that i want to jump off that i want to eat that i want to fuck that i want to drink that yes yes no those they don't leave i think you know that i think you know as we've sort of created the rules of our show that that hormone monster of theoretically eventually becomes integrated into your life and into you more than like, is this outside force? Like as we get older, theoretically, we begin to like, we're like, okay, well,

I got these hormones and desires and I will figure out how to like integrate them into my greater personage or whatever you want to say. And some, I think certain people do that better than others. Are you saying we learn emotional intelligence? Cause yeah. Talking to the wrong guys. Yeah barstool sports is not the uh but but also the big character in season two is the shame wizard uh which i think is another thing that like after season one it was like yes you've got this hormone monster but you know andrew was like he should have like a mortal enemy and it's's like the Hormone Monster, mortal enemy is the shame wizard.

Oh, see, I don't, I don't see them as mortal enemies. I see them as tag team partners who beat the fuck out of me every day. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what we realized is that like they at times work together. Like we have a thing in season two where Andrew, he gets caught jerking off to his Nick's sister's bathing suit. And, and the shame wizard kind of begins to haunt him from that point forward.

And, and clear, like just the bathing suit, just the bathing suit is hanging in the bathroom and he goes in there and he's just like, that chip was, yeah, she,

she dragged that chip right through the salsa. Um, so, uh, so he, so, but when he gets caught doing that, because Leah then walks in on him jerking off to the bathing suit, the shame wizard begins to haunt him. And over the next few episodes, you see the shame wizard. But then there's a point where Andrew starts, this girl starts being mean to him. Like, it's Lola being like, you're a disgusting piece of shit. And he's like, yeah, I am.

And all of a sudden you realize the shame wizard and the hormone monster are kind of working together. And I was like, I'm interested in seeing the origin story of a BDSM thing. This is how it starts. Yeah. Oh, this is how it starts. Yeah. Like, Oh, this out starts. This is how like 15 years from now, he's going to want to have his ball stomped on by like a high heels,

you know, like that'll be like season like 13. Yeah, exactly. But you know, and cause it is, it's like this weird stuff of like weirdly like your hormones and all the stuff is so kind of integrated in with like your shame.

I think like shame is such a big part of all kind of, I think all of our lives. Oh, it's the only thing that like motivates me or doesn't anything. Right. You know? Well, and it's like this weird thing.

Cause you're like, well shit, you know, shame, it feels like this terrible thing, but also there's a re like shame I think was developed by societies to stop us from, you know, whatever the know, fucking people.

We're not supposed to be fucking or fighting people. We're not supposed to be fighting. Like all those things that you're like societies put those like restraints on us. But then sometimes those, and oftentimes those, those shame restraints really start to like dig in and have these really insidious vibes that really kind of plague us so you know i think we're always trying to figure out what that what that level is yeah listen when you're watching big mouth you're not thinking it goes deep and there's levels there's levels to

this shit man i think like right away i was like oh yeah i get all the i said i'm more of a you know a reality-based guy and because i find it relatable reality is relatable and then like I think probably the first probably as soon as you see Andrew's dick I was like I've been here I know this someone's got a bigger dick I get it I know this game it's universal we get into it I mean it's

like you know we're obviously our goal is to write the funniest craziest show and it's on Netflix so we can get away with insanity, man. We get away with stuff that we're like. Oh, you know, it was absolutely vile and disgusting when he's in the locker room and everybody transforms into a dick. Yeah. And there's the uncircumcised one and he's trying to talk and it's like.

And then he pulls the head down and it's like it was like. Oh, so gross. Yeah, man. It's great, though. I mean, we've all seen away with that on the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. down and it was like oh it was so gross it was great though you ain't getting away with that on the network obviously we've all seen the full human sized dick you have to pull down the

foreskin to hear him talk and we just wanted to finally animate that and get that on TV for children to watch but it is it's so much of that it's just much of that. It's just all of that shit that you know,

it's stuff about kids and adults, but you can't do it live action. Animation becomes the way that you can do and get away with all this stuff. You do that with live people and you're a pervert, you're weird, the show. Yeah.

Dress a kid up in an uncircumcised dick and i'm peeled out yeah yeah you're gonna work you need a couple letters about that one yeah yeah we get some letters in the we're gonna get some letters this season i have a feeling at what point are you just like i'm fucking sick of john mulaney i know is that coming or has that come let's i want to ask america the same question um uh no i mean it's you know we we when it was you know it's based on me and my buddy andrew and then when we were figuring out casting the show it was actually andrew and and our partner my partners mark and jen who were like well what about john and i was like oh yeah that actually makes a lot of sense

are you just professional friends with Mulaney? Have you known him for— I've known him since college. We met—I cast him in the improv group when I was a senior, and he was a freshman in college. So I've known him, like, basically our whole adult lives. And I moved to New York and started doing comedy, and he was like—he came during college and lived on my couch one summer. And, like, we would go do open mics together. And, you know, so we've been— So you really should be sick of him by now yeah but the truth is like we are we are both like real friends in real life like we just get together and have dinner and

i go out to dinner with him and his wife and and and like we are truly like friends uh who then also managed to work together and and enjoy each creatively. I mean, it's like, look, you know, I'm not sick of him because I love him like a brother. And I also am like, this dude is so fucking funny. I'm like, I'm going to milk this motherfucker as long as I can. Can you guys, speaking of milking, can you guys bring back Oh Hello? Yeah, we're figuring out what the next version or what the thing is. Oh, I was kind of asking, like, I thought you'd be like, fuck off. No, no, no, we're done. We're done out what the next version or what the thing is. Oh, I was kind of asking. I thought you were going to be like, fuck off. No, no, no.

We're done. We're done. No. Yeah, no. We love those guys. If we can get George and Gil, we have to fax them to get in touch with them. So we're working on that. But, yeah, the whole show is filled with the people that I've come up with from the beginning in comedy.

It's like Jenny Slate and Jesse Klein I met early on doing stand-up, and Jason Manzoukas I met at UCB doing improv, and Jordan Peele I met a little later. I would like to say the culturally irrelevant Jordan Peele, and Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen and then the cast extends into like when you see that you know the opening credits and you just pot because I mean whenever I'm watching cartoons

I love to play like you know whose voice is that you know it but you can't pin it then when you see the names pop up on the credits like one after another after another it's some real heavy hitters and they're all they're all kind of like they're all the folks that I've become friends with over the years doing doing. So that's kind of the most fun of all of it is like making this show about me and my friend from childhood with these people who I've been friends with. You know, John, in the case of Johnson's since college.

And then everybody else in the show are the people that I've become friends with over over the last like 15 years of doing comedy have you gotten a call from andrew been like what fuck the fuck man you had to tell that story well no andrew's like right next to me in the room being like we got to tell that story so so that's good we have some people who are like you know my buddy who fucked his pillow is like really dude no he kind of loves it he's like well he's like so you know that was when i was a kid he's like around college i's like, well, he's like, so, you know, that was when I was a kid. He's like around college. One night I, he's like, I fucked a, I was at a hotel and I fucked the bath faucet. What? And then I got stuck.

And then he was like, and then he's like in grad school, he had a Gatorade bottle that he filled with a warm sponge. You're like, you've been there. That was a knowing nod. I thought of it, but I'll be perfectly honest, and not to toot my own horn, the Gatorade bottle is not wide enough for that. No, you got to get the big...

The 32-ounce one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe even one with a handle on it, just for full access. But yeah, so he was like... But it is funny, it's this weird thing of people being like, I bet you're going to use that. And it's like, no, dude, I'm not going to use that.

I'm not going to talk about you fucking. I think the Gatorade bottle made it in some capacity. Maybe, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Use all the parts of the buffalo. Do you guys have a line? Do we have a line? No.

We had a bit last year where coach hormone monster who i do kind of a broken old hormone monster dude that in the scene there's a scene where we that the hormone monster fucks the decapitated head of gison Keillor. Okay. That might be it. That might be the line. Well, Netflix was fine with that. It was right after that that the hormone monster pulls a thermometer out of his sick little dick. And, like, a little bit of blood pops out. Oh, yeah.

Once you do the bodily fluid stuff, they get a little bit of it. That was Netflix was like, we think maybe. And we were like, no, no, no we agree we're we're cutting that like we saw it at color you know you have all these stages with animation where you're like you see the animatic thing you see the color and you're like we got to color and we saw that and we're like all right i think it's time to uh i think we can i think we can cut that section i think that's fine i think we always think about that way i'm like i don't have a line and then sometimes after the episode they'll be like do you want to leave that in yeah once you get that question you. I think we always think about it that way. I'm like, I don't have a line. And then sometimes after the episode, they'll be like, do you want to leave that in? Yeah. Once you get that question, you're like, yeah, we'll probably take that.

Yeah, maybe let's cut that piece out. No, the beauty of animation is you have all these stages and steps to be like, okay, no, this is where we cut it off. But you kind of want to see everything. And I mean, we're shocked. We keep being like, Netflix, you going to let us do that? And they're like, yeah, it's great. You know?

Netflix, they go hard, man. Here's the keys. You drive. Yeah. But that's what they're there for. They're just like, no, the whole reason people come here is because we don't have advertisers. Nobody's telling us you can't do anything. And you just push it until it's not funny or not interesting or too crazy.

But, like, we've kind of yet to hit that. Thank you. Let's find that line. I feel like that's the goal. Honestly, I think we might have found a few of those this year. We'll see. I feel like you roll with kind of different crews in a way. You got the Mulaney thing going on.

I feel like you have a Seth Rogen type of thing, and then obviously you cast from the league. Yes. Do you mix and match those? Do you keep them kind of separate? They do feel like in L.A. it feels like there are the comedy groups who are like Crips, Bloods.

You've got Rogan Squad. Yeah, they're like Click. They're very Clicky. Yeah, it seems like you don't cross over. You're a fed. Yeah, I'm a fed. I'm a narc. I'm a narc. I'm a narc reporting at the end of the day to everybody.

I'm snitching on everybody. Yes and no. I mean, I think there's a little bit of that, but then there's also so much cross-pollination and collaboration. So it's like, you know, we were on the league all together, but then Rogan liked the show and did a bunch of episodes of the league uh and then i'll do stuff like in sausage party or whatever with rogan but then like man zookas is on the league but he's also on uh big mouth with us uh and then like farrell's in

his camp but then like me and jason both actually were in the house with farrell like um there so there's crossover of different stuff like different different, you know, but you do. You find your crew. You find your people who you love working with, and you're like, well, shit, let's keep working with those people. But whenever possible, it's I love, I really love popping in different sort of little, like, clicks and zones. And just because I'm like, all I want to do is work and all I want to do is work with the people that I think are funny. So it's like when I, I mean, I had my show, I'm like, Jesus, Nathan for you is so funny.

Let's get Nathan Fielder in here to do a bit on my show. And, and, uh, uh, he has not invited me to, I'm like, I don't know how I would be on Nathan for you. I guess I'll be like some weird, like, uh, uh, Uber driver is going to start a new business where you're going to like, you know, throw rocks at windows or something like that. I don't know what I do. Hang on.

I might've thought about this before. Yeah. But I'm like, Nathan would figure out a way to make that seem logical. So, you know, we're all kind of, but it's, you know, it's, I mean, that's again, the beauty of comedy in whatever form, whether it's like you're doing a show or you come in here and like, here we are just fucking shooting the shit. And people are like, yeah, that's something. I think, I feel like that's what the, you know, the league really succeeded at. One of the, maybe the first or kind of like the only to really try to capture what it's like when guys are just hanging out, You know, shows, when they try to do it too much,

it's like, this is not what it's really like. Well, right, I think it was the loosely scripted quality of it that allowed it to feel conversational in a way that what it's like when dudes are hanging out. Right. I think I actually, I think someone just, Duplass tweeted yesterday, I think the league is on Hulu now. Yeah, it just came back.

Yeah, just because it had been on Netflix and then went away from Netflix, so if there are league fans out there who have been itching to find the show i'm i'm pretty sure it's now on hulu so um but fuck hulu netflix i'm not seeing a dime off that hulu uh watching so fuck you guys fuck you guys no So fuck you guys. Once Jay Cutler did his league. Jay Cutler came on our show, on this show, when this show sucked. Well, it still does a little bit. Yeah, it's still pretty crappy. It's great to get Nick Kroll on here.

You're a big get, man. But, I mean, we're six or seven years in. Probably this is five, six years ago. So we were like nobodies. And Jay just liked our shit, came on for like an hour so i feel like he in a ridiculous sweater it was a very notable sweater it was like outrageous was it a cavallari selection it was with chris i don't think it was that's why it was a ridiculous sweater i think it was like pre cavallari okay so yeah yeah yeah he uh but my point being that he's very you know very selective

kind of about what he does he notoriously hates the media and kind of keeps himself but you know i think it was a testament to the league that he was like yeah yeah let's get down yeah he it was and that was such an interesting portion of that show was just like meeting all those guys i don't think i dealt with i never was in a scene with him uh but i but but the guys who'd come on it was like that was that was one of the most surreal things about being on that show is you're like, okay, well we're doing the scene and today we're doing it with JJ Watt, you know, like year two, like it was like, nobody's hotter in the game. And it was, and it's, and it's interesting with those guys who you see, like JJ Watt came in and

shot on a Monday and then spent the rest of that week shooting a couple of commercials and like something for the ESPYs and then came back for his second day of shooting on Friday. And he was good on Monday, but he came back Friday and was markedly better. And you're like, oh, right. That's why you're an all pro is because you start to do something and you have you learn, grow and evolve and by the end of the week you are better at this thing um and almost all those guys to a t were like that you know they're they were also like all on time like it's like yeah the guys professionals they're professionals and the guys who get really fucking good are the guys who show up on time, listen, learn, and do what they're told, and then put their spin on it.

And it was almost across the board. It was the absolute worst. Come on. He wasn't bad, but Chad Ochocinco was, we did our season two, I think, was in Vegas. And the first opening, we did our first draft in Vegas and Ocho Cinco was, it was at the height or like the year after the height of Ocho Cinco. And he had four cell phones with him. And,

uh, he was like, we, we were shooting. And then like the next day we were looking at Twitter and he was like, pick taking pictures of himself at the slot machines at like 5 a.m. Like a 6 a.m. call time. Yeah, we were like, shit, all right, man.

But again, he was, you know, like it was like it was what it was. Like he was, you know, it was just like. You kind of know what you get when you sign up for Ochoa. Yeah, exactly. And he wasn't, by the way, he wasn't bad. He wasn't, there was nothing like unpleasant about him. He was nice enough, but he was like definitely the one who was in the middle of a much bigger thing. The rest of those guys, J.J. Watt was cool.

Terrell Suggs was legit funny. He's weird. I don't know. I was surprised about it. You're like, this guy is just an assassin in the middle of the linebacker crew and the Ravens at the height of it. And he was super funny. And then Maurice Jones drew was, was cool.

And cause he was a big fantasy football guy. He was, he was playing it, which was like, are you a fantasy guy? Not anymore. I played when we all, we all had a league when we were on the league.

Interesting. Getting very meta. Yeah. It was very strange. And it, and like some of those stories would infect the show. Like I was a tinkerer, like I was like a stinker tinkerer as we eventually called it like i was like on the toilet like at like 9 30 in the morning making some last minute decisions or like drunk i do a lot

of drunk tinkering like late night come home like six drinks in and be like fuck it i'm i'm i'm dropping color i'm gonna pick it'm going to pick up RG3. But, you know, once we finished, I just kind of lost. I don't know what it was. Do you guys play? No. Everyone assumes we do because it's Varsal Sports. Most guys at Varsal don't.

I played one time in 2007. Basically, my team was the Patriots team, and I went on the TV, and I was like, I'm done. I feel like at Varsal, I feel like people don't do fantasy or they're degenerate gamblers and they're running around major cash on games and they don't it's like you know yeah small time for yeah no I kind of just like I think it was one

I just stopped watching football as much week to week just because I was kind of like other shit going on and to I just like weirdly like none of my friends invited me to join a league. You know, that's the biggest part. Really?

I just blamed it on like, yeah, it was good. So I quit. I've never been invited to join. Not once in my whole fucking life. Which is not me asking. It's like every year around this time,

every people will ask me to join their league. And I'm like, you don't want me to, like, I'm not going to be Roxanne. I'm not going to be fucking funny. Right. I'm just going to be like, like like I'm not gonna be Ruxin I'm not gonna be funny right I'm just gonna be like

like ill prepared and not present yeah yeah yeah I'm like I'm not gonna respond to trades I'm gonna forget to send my quarterback I'm gonna ruin your league I remember I did fantasy baseball one time Jesus that sounds like the most word in the world

it's a full time fucking job I can barely follow job I can barely follow Like I can barely follow Like the playoffs in baseball There's no way I'm going to be able to 162 It's too much One of my favorite running things

With him is the forever unclean We had a guy And you're a New York guy right So there's a lot of forever unclean Around these parts We had a guy, and you're a New York guy, right? Yeah, yeah. Through and through. So there's a lot of forever unclean around these parts. Yes. We had a guy, Glennie, who was on the F train the other day. Crowded, couldn't move. Homeless guy just threw up on him.

On him? Just puked on him. And then he didn't go home. I feel like that's not brought up enough. He came to work and stayed at work all fucking day. He said he only got a little bit on his pants, and most of it was on his sweatshirt, so he took that off and threw it away. And I was like, dude, just even having it on your pants, you're affecting

all of us. He said he just walked to work with his hands out until he got to the office to clean them. He didn't find a spot right away to clean up. He just walked from Penn to our office. So that's either total commitment or true mental illness.

I'm going latter. Yeah, I think it is. I think you guys know better than I do. We also had another guy who was blacked out, and he passed out, slept on the floor of the Long Island Railroad bathroom. Whoa. Which is like everything. That shit has come all of it. Of all the bathrooms, that's one of the more gross bathrooms.

That's it, but one, yeah. The LIR, like, I'd rather be on the PATH train. I'd rather be going to Jersey. Jersey! I'd rather be going to Jersey than the LIR. And of course, Metro North I do sleep on. Well, that's, yeah, that's the high society. I had a forever unclean moment.

My daughter is, we're potty training her, and she pees into like a little toilet, and she dumps it into the big one. She was bringing it over, and she dropped it. It hit the toilet seat, and it just splashed everywhere. I was like, I'm going to throw you out. I'm going to throw you in the garbage. Truly, in my head, I had the Ruxin go through my brain. Forever, I'm clean. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I was like, forever unclean. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

I was like, yeah, you are forever unclean. The first time was the Chinatown urinal. That was the first one. Is it a urinal or is it a... That was, they were getting the, what was it? It's the deboller juice. Yeah, yeah, they were getting, that's right. What was it called?

Something with dog, I think. It was, yeah, what was it? Fuck. I don't even remember. I just remember the ice cookies when the kids eat the ice cubes. It was like the... Disgusting. Whoa.

All right, guys. I think I got to get out of here. I got to go to Kathie Lee and Hoda, which should be very similar to this experience on the Today Show. So the show is Big Math. You can catch it on Netflix now. We appreciate it, bro. Thanks a lot. Thanks, guys. Nick Kroll brought to you by Seeky. You want to it on Netflix now. We appreciate it, bro. Thanks a lot. Thanks, guys.

Nick Kroll brought to you by Seeky. You want to go see Oh, Hello if they bring it back? I can't believe that was huge news for me. I honestly thought it was going to be one of those things like, hey, Chris Pratt, when's Parks and Rec? And it's like, yeah, shut the fuck up. Fuck you, dude. Yeah.

He's like, yeah, we're going to figure out what to do with Gill and George. You know what I realize is that Mike and Murray are just Gill and George. Yes, they are. Oh, my God. We got a radio show. Like, oh, you miss Oh, Hello? Just listen to the fucking Cousins on SiriusXM. So you want to go see Mulaney on stage?

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That's my grandma. Can't forget about grandpa. Oh, that's my family And we're all stars Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo

Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo This song is so hot. God damn, that song is so fucking hot. I think I just came. It's so good. It's crazy. I have been listening to the regular Baby Shark for six straight months in my house. All I hear. So when I heard this shit, when you remix this, it's almost like they make lullabies that actually are like real songs, like Kanye songs with like the little lullaby noise.

And it's always good. Has L.A.R. ever been released? No. Nope. No, I got. I'm planning a whole. You have big plans. I'm planning. I don't know when I'm going to do it, how I. Has O.A.R. ever been released? No. Nope. No, I'm planning a whole. You have big plans. I'm planning. I don't know when I'm going to do it,

how I'm going to do it. I am planning an entire baby entertainment empire that's going to, I'm going to retire off that shit. Fuck this barstool noise. When I drop my app, my music,

my books, my cartoons, all of it, see you suckers later. You can do your dick jokes over here. I'm going to be making that baby money. And it's going to start with this Baby Shark remix. I'm going to make slow jam remixes to all the songs

because as a parent, I wanted to blow my fucking head off every time I heard Baby Shark. And now I am fucking in on Baby Shark. This is that kind of shit like you can put it on in the baby's room, turn it up real loud, and also make another baby. Also make another baby. Yeah, buddy. You be careful when you play this baby shark slow jam.

Forget to pull out. This shit is fire. For those, I mean, when you really know like the whole thing, it's like the shark family when he's just like, we're all sharks. That's my mom. That's my dad. Can't look at grandma.

Amazing. It's the song of the year. Forget about Lil Wayne. Forget about Kanye. Forget about any song that dropped. Baby Shark remix is where it's at. You want to get into these voicemails, homie? Let's do it.

Voicemails are brought to you by M-T-M-T. I'll tell you what. Before we get into voicemails, I've been doing this thing recently. Eating salads. Yeah. I'll tell you what. It's working. Vegetables and shit.

Not too bad for you. I've got a lot of energy. Believe the hype. Believe the hype. Pooping more than I like to. I was going to say, you know what? I certainly can smell it on you. I'm like, John's certainly been eating vegetables and salads.

I can smell it. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. Here's the thing, folks at home. You can't smell them through the podcast. All you're hearing is the energy. That's all that matters. For us, sitting in the studio with us, it's not great.

For a week straight, I've been waking up at 7 in the morning. Like an adult. Eating like an adult. John, you still get in at 1. What are you doing for like six hours? I watch TV. Eating salad and watching TV? Well, let's get into voicemails with

a full batch of John Henry energy. Typically, I don't think that like more day for me usually bad thing. Right. More existence, more living. What would you want to be like for longer? What's the point of that? Yeah. But when you're up like, hey, I can talk to my awake for longer? What's the point of that? Yeah. But when you're up, like. When you got the energy for it. I talked to my mom.

It's morning at 730. Hey. All kinds of stuff. Shout out to Paul. Just shooting the breeze. I was out until midnight last night. I was up for like all the whole day yesterday. 24 hours.

24 hours running. And look at me now. Just all fucking happy. Adderall free. No, I'm going to get that accusation. It's really just. It's broccoli. Beets and broccoli.

Really roots. I've been focusing on the roots. Tom Brady likes just... It's broccoli. Beets and broccoli. Really roots. I've been focusing on the roots. Tom Brady likes that. So some carrots, beets, that kind of stuff. It seems like maybe a little bit of cocaine, too. Join the movement. Join the Feidelberg eating salads and wearing dope watches movement. That's what's up.

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You get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns. That's MVMT.com slash KFC. Join the movement. First time, long time calling from California. Big moment. I'm probably about an hour and a half away from quitting my job. Fucking great feeling. Anyway, funny story. So I know this chick who her boyfriend, his dad is her gynecologist. So her boyfriend's dad is her gynecologist.

Just this background. She went to his dad, the gynecologist, before she started dating him. She started dating this kid, found out that it was his dad who was her gynecologist. That's pretty much the gist of it. My question really is that can never work, right? There's never a situation where you know your dad's looking at your girlfriend's vagina. No, that's it. At least once a year.

I don't know how often this happens, but at least once a year, your dad's checking out your girlfriend's puss. I couldn't stand for it. I don't know how often it happens, honestly. But at least once a year, your dad's checking out your girlfriend's foot. I couldn't stand for it. I don't know if anyone could. We have heard every sort of scenario under the sun, and I always try to play devil's advocate. I always try to find an angle. I always try to figure something out. I think almost every situation can probably at least attempt to be salvaged.

This is it. This is an absolute kill shot. This is a sniper to right between your eyes, and then someone else comes up from behind you with an axe and slams it into the back of your head. And then the sniper shoots you again. Dad's looking at your girlfriend's pussy. Not even looking at it, examining it, being like, well, you know, you got to like clean this up or like look at that. When your dad could like intricately be like, your girl's a little bit like lippy or like, you know, like the coloring's a little weird. Like when he knows your shit intimately, that's it, man. No way. I want to be clear about something right now.

I'm not proud about what I'm about to say. Oh, no. This is the vegetables talking. So if, yeah, But you have the kill shot All the time Like yeah dad You see my vagina all the time I bet in yours bro

What? Wait what? If he's He'd be like Yeah you see my girl's vagina I bet in your girl's vagina Stretched it out I made your girl loose

Talking about your mom Talking about your mom giving birth to you Wow There's a spin zone for you Yeah congratulations on looking at it Fucking fucked your world up I camped out in that shit I made

Max Weissfeld No for real though For real though you need to I camped out in that shit. I made... Max Weissfeld! No, for real, though. What's up, guys? For real, though, you need to... You can't have that. You just straight up can't. That is an absolute... That's it.

What if dad comes home from work one day and he's like, you have herpes? What do you mean? I found out. I found out. I can promise you, you have herpes. The pro... Hey, son, go to the doctor. Why? out. I can promise you if you have herpes.

Hey, son, go to the doctor. Why? Just trust me. The amount of like, every time you see him, like, hey, what's up? And it's like, wow. This is ordinarily where we talk about something we have in common. We're both thinking about my girlfriend's pussy right now. You just can't do it. It's just too socially awkward.

Imagine if I was a dad. Fuck with her. She's so bad. Come on, bitch. She's doing pizza slice now, huh? Just describe. I mean, yeah, you're violating HIPAA, but it's worth it. Whatever.

It's worth it. It's worth a good HIPAA violation. Just fuck with your son's mind. You ever, like, remember we did a while back, like, dentists can tell if you've been sucking dick by the blood vessels in the back here? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if that works with that situation, but imagine if you're just like, son, you've been putting it down, huh? You've been putting in work.

Looks like it. Christ almighty. This world, these voicemails just give you a real taste of how fucked up the world is. Well, that was a simple question. I think we're the ones who make you fucked up. I hate to give ourselves all the credit no but i mean like hey this is weird right we're like yeah about your mom's vagina but i've never even thought about this scenario of like your dad's looking at your

girlfriend's pussy right it's like wow there's a lot in this world that i just haven't even considered yeah i mean that's definitely that's definitely like that's that's gonna fuck with you like someone's got a breakup Is the doctor a patient? Actually, no. Once he's seen it, period. That's it. Yeah. We do have so many scenarios where we end up, which is like, just break up.

Yeah. Which is probably a bad sign for the two of us. There's a reason why. There's a reason why that's our take. But they're usually, I'll tell you what, I don't take them back. I bet you'll be happier. Always. Not with your dad.

Looking at your girl's pussy. Because, like, oh, my God, it gets so much worse. Like, you pop out a Mike Adriano film, and he's got a speculum out. And you're like, that's what my dad does to my girlfriend. Yeah, that's really terrible. It's like, did you put a camera in there like those weirdos? Like, you know, like, you put, like, one of those Q-tips on the wooden stick all the way up in there. Like that's.

Question, actually, regarding my boyfriend. So he, every time I like sleep over with him, he gets like really touchy in his sleep. Like completely in his sleep, he'll just start grabbing my boobs or stick his hand in my pants. He'll just like roll over. I'll have like a dick, like a hard dick poking me in the ass the ass and I'm a light sleeper so it wakes me up every time and then you know sometimes it um amounts to something and sometimes I'm just like fuck off go back to sleep anyway is this like a normal thing because I've talked to him about it and I mean it's funny it's false like we both just laugh and he like plays it off. He's like, Oh no,

like you're the one starting at blah, blah, blah. But anyway, is this normal? Like, do you guys do this? Do you guys do this? Like I'm very confused and he sometimes doesn't even remember doing it. And I'm like, are you having dreams? Like whatever. And he doesn't have a clue why it happens. So please shed some light for the both of us. Thanks, guys. Love the show.

I don't do this, but I don't judge if you do. Like, I feel like I'm just more prone to do this awake, conscious. Yeah. Like, I'll just roll over. Like, listen, part of the deal, part, listen, listen. The main reason to have a girlfriend is that you're allowed to just, like, grab her ass and shit. That's the best part of being, having a girlfriend, just like, I'm gonna smack that.

That's gonna be totally okay. Back pocket. Yeah, I love the back pocket. You just, this shit is mine. Or, like, I'm not a huge boob guy, but, you know, you're laying in bed and you can just, like, rub those titties, man. You just, like, you can, like, spoon and, like, it doesn't matter that you have a hard dick because you're allowed to and supposed to. That's the best part is this ordinarily sexual harassment.

We have socially agreed that I'm allowed to do this. I'm going to fucking take advantage of this. So if we're going to be in bed at night, you better believe this shit's going down. When it's happening on an unconscious unconscious level actually really this guy should spin this like that's how much i love you girl like in my subconscious when my brain is just doing whatever it truly wants my brain can have any girl in the world if it wants you yeah i'm i could fuck the baby empire hallmark cards cards. Just drawings of people like sleep assault videos. Yeah.

And just like when anyone else in the world. I could have. I could have. My imagination could have anybody. When I could poke anybody's ass in my imagination, I still poke yours, girl. Love. By the way, sleep assault videos. Like, come on.

So unrealistic. You wake up like right away. If you want to start out with a minute of sleep, fine. Actually, you know what? Totally false. You've been raped in your sleep? Yes, I've been raped in my sleep. And you stayed asleep, but you had a hard dick. You were blacked out. Nope. Sober. Sleep.

You do sleep like a bear, so I kind of bore you. 99% of the world will wake up when they're getting fucked. She didn't get on, get on it. But it was, like, I woke up and she was like, yeah, I was, like, giving you a blowjob this morning and you just. Nothing. Yeah. All right.

I don't want to tell you. I'm sorry. I wish I woke up. Like, yeah, yeah. It would have been fantastic. Did you finish? So what? The, I could, I could see that.

I forget what I was going to say. Where was I going with that? The vegetables The vegetables failed you on that one More than half The vegetables have a one voicemail shelf life Time for some more vegetables Gotta refuel The

Like If you If you have a good relationship I don't think this is like A problem I don't grab in my sleep I'm going to bone and poke in your ass That's going to

That's going to happen. What do you want me to do with this thing? This is literally human physiology. I don't know what to tell you. You're lucky it's not going into your ass. Just poking you in the cheek? Stop complaining. Next up.

What's up, KFC Radio? So, found myself an interesting position. Been dating my girlfriend for like two years now. Just graduated from college. Moved in together the other day. Grab her laptop. You know, just sitting on the couch. Going to order a quick new Patagonia real fast.

And go to the search bar. Hit the P button. Boom. hella porn hub links start popping up so you know as they say curiosity killed the cat here open up the search history first mistake she's looking at weird porn like i'm talking, like, BBC, anything like that. Truthfully, I'd rather prefer that. She's out here watching, like, Family Guy anime and stuff, and I am just shocked.

Don't know how to approach this situation. Don't know if I should just tuck it under the pillow and never think about it and talk about it again. Or, you know, kind of ask questions. Let me know what to do. Would love to hear it. I was about to call this guy a fucking pussy. I was about to be like, grow up.

What? Some hot older woman made you touch your boobs? Grow up. I was like, yo, your girl watches like hardcore porn. That's a good thing. That was like the one thing I think I can't, I would be like, what the fuck? And he said it. Cartoon porn? Like, imagine

again, look, I'm no stranger to the sidebar ad, and I'm no stranger to going, well, Lois can get it. Lois is working that thing. Those anime ones, they take it deep. But to fucking, I mean, there's so many things that I will... You fall down the rabbit hole

and that happens, right? You fall down the rabbit hole, you click this, you click that. Next thing you know, you're watching, like, the towers fall on 9-11. What happened? How did I get here? You got Matt Lauer. Oh, my goodness gracious. Yeah, boy, Matt. We're cutting all this. God damn it.

This is our promo going on Twitter. But to go ahead and actually type that in the search bar. Yeah. Like, that's one thing to stumble upon it. If it's your destination. I mean, I had a girlfriend once. I opened up her computer, and I saw the live Jasmine pop-up. You know, the pop-up behind the point of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, okay, girl. Okay. I'll do that a lot when I get to the office. Like, you know. Yeah, you open up your Safari, it's still there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yikes. You, like, spread open the windows on a Mac.

Yeah. Oh, there's that one. Pulls it back down. I've done that with just, like, regular nudes in the back. I'm like, ah, fuck. And then you just got to save me. still there yeah yikes you like spread open the windows on a mac yeah close it back down i've done that which is like regular nudes in the back and then you just gotta save me you're gonna remember they're back there not open again right the the uh it was funny because the pop-up was there all the history had been cleared and everything though so i was like ah you'll let you miss one step we see guys what are you in middle school yeah right middle school boy knows

how to fucking like open up the mainframe and get rid of like the cookies and the tracking and the cache and all that they always talk about that in like stem and like uh you know like like silicon valley how it's male dominated that's because in sixth grade we learned how to fucking code coding like so you couldn't figure out yeah it's got nothing to do with oh yeah sure there's probably some uh some discrimination involved but largely it's just we know shit about computers that you've never we've been doing it for longer we're veterans of the game we're googling how to delete this how to clean this fucking hey i mean i know i'm basically zuckerberg i'm what i was in sixth grade wired in just being like but i mean that that to me that's a deal breaker, too. You can't have a girl watch his anime porn.

I don't know if that's a deal breaker for me. Well, okay, no. It's not something I'll partake in. I will actually say. You know what, Foggy? She wants to do it. I'll partake in it. Yeah, you're probably right.

Oh, you want to, like, are you? Yeah, you're right. I'll do it. But, okay, it's not a deal breaker. But it's also, like, not something that I can, like, just let go either. Like, it's always going to be in my head that you watch anime porn. It's something that I think I would kind of – my default move is to just start making fun of. But that's what I mean.

So, like, your relationship is going to almost solely be me making fun of you for watching Family Guy porn. That's not a one and done. Yeah, that's,'s like all the time. Like, hey, what do you want to watch tonight? I'm going to be like, Family Guy. Get it? Because you watch Family Guy porn. I'm going to lay it on thick all the time.

I'd have Cartoon Network just like, I have parental controls on every single channel but Cartoon Network. Except that. And I'd be like, who do you think's got the biggest dick here? I mean, that's the reality of the situation. So maybe it's not a deal breaker but it is a deal

changer a game changer it's a big line in always sunny where they're like yeah move past it yeah i can't i can't i'm never gonna move never and if you want to continue this if ever we're in love otherwise like fine but just know that our relationship will be 90 you watch family guy porn 10 everything else but i will partake i be like, you want me to be like fucking Peter Griffin for the night? Ah, lol. It's like, yeah, sure, let's do it. You know how they're in TV shows and stuff like that,

romantic dramas and things like that, where they're like, I don't have enough room in my life for you. I have work. I have this other family issue. I don't have the room in my life for you. I don't have the room in my life for our relationship because my life is consumed by you watching cartoon porn. That's it.

You just have to accept that. If there was a pie chart, it would be a little slimmer for everything else, and the rest is Family Guy porn. Last Voice of the Middle of the Day is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The best way to find new people for your new jobs, new job openings, is ZipRecruiter. What's not smart? Leaving your computer open with family guy erotica.

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because this goddamn company just keeps plucking away our people. Every time we hire a new person to work behind the scenes, they're like, no, no, we're just going to loan them out. Don't worry, they'll be back, and they never come back. Never come back. They're just going to work on this thing over here for a week, and then they're gone. So we need all the help we can get constantly because, as always, KFC Radio is at the forefront of everything and Barstool just keeps plucking them away.

Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. We'll be hiring. You should be hiring there too. And you can try it for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash KFC. Last voicemail. What do we got? Kevin?

Yes? John? Brendan? I know that you typically stick to childish things, I guess. Young people things. I have a dad thing, though, that I had to call about because I need your opinion on it. I think my five-year-old is a psychopath. She has been bringing home stuff from kindergarten every day and telling us that she was a great listener and a great student.

And she was the only one to follow directions. And that's why she's taking her stuff home. And every day since the start of school, two weeks. And today we found out that that was a total and complete lie, that she has been stealing stuff from the classroom and bringing it home and then telling us that she got it as a gift for being such a good listener and a good student and a good person and then we confronted her about it and she denied it first of all and then told us that she fell asleep and the stuff ended up in her backpack. So I guess my question to you is do I have the next Winona Ryder or the next Patrick Bateman, or is she, I don't know, just a normal five-year-old? That doesn't seem like to be the case.

But anyways, I'd like your opinion on it. She's definitely not normal. We can throw that out the window. But what's normal here? Well, what's not normal is – I guess it's not stealing. No, the stealing is fine. Kids steal shit out the window. But what's normal here? Well, what's not normal is... No, the stealing's fine. Kids steal shit all the time. The intricacy of the lie.

Yeah, I think so. You see something, you want it, you take it. My kid almost stole some shoes yesterday. I let my kid steal something from the toy store the other day. She was playing with it. The line was too long. I was like, let's just go. That means you stole something

you just used someone else like i allowed my kid to steal the toys she wanted them yeah we need some money and save me a lot of time we were at footlocker and he just went and he was grabbing shoes off the shelf the whole time and we didn't know he had like a few of them under the stroller and we like walked out we're about to walk out like oh there's like you know several hundred dollars worth of sneakers under here i I was like, good job, kid. We're going to plan this later. The ceiling's fine. I was a good listener and was rewarded.

And then like, oh, I fell asleep and they just appeared. The intricacy of the lie is what is concerning here. Yes. No, you're right. I love it Like Like you're right But I respect the shit out of it And I'm

I'm down with it And I would encourage that behavior You gotta keep an eye on these fuckers man You never know It's Like one minute you're stealing things from kindergarten The next minute You put a cat in the microwave

The next minute You're probably just locking the babysitter in the basement And look at me True True I bet you We talked to Polly right now You you stole shit and said the same thing. I used to just cover myself in chocolate.

What? One time my parents went out. It was like a thing I would do to babysitters. My parents went out. And I guess babysitters thought it was normal. But one night my parents couldn't get a babysitter. So they had my aunt come over. Clearly your babysitters think a lot of things are normal.

Yeah. And my parents came home. And it was they had my aunt come over clearly your babysitters think a lot of things are wrong and uh my parents came home and it was like midnight they came over from dinner and i was covered in chocolate chocolate sauce like like uh i guess i don't know i just i've always been described to me as i was i was in a diaper the only i was wearing was a diaper oh all right that's different so i was covered in chocolate and uh i just kept i just kept yelling at my aunt i was just like you're the boss you're the boss you're the boss you are the boss and she was just sitting on the couch she boss. You're the boss. You're the boss. You are the boss. And she was just sitting on the couch.

She was like, I'm out of here. This is your thing now. I've just been having this chocolate-covered baby yelling at me that I'm the boss for an hour and a half. When clearly, I am not the boss here. He's like taunting me about it. Oh, yeah, you're in control. You are in control of this type of thing. Look at me. It looks like you're a real good You are in control of this, I bet. Look at me.

It looks like you're a real good boss. I'm covered in chocolate sauce. You are one fucked up little child, man. I went to a... But kids do weird shit. I know. Yeah, sometimes it's theft, sometimes it's blackface. I think I'm just lucky that my kids are somewhat normal, knock on wood.

So I just don't care enough. I don't pay attention. I went to a parent teacher conference like two weeks ago. I went into the classroom, and then I sat down at the little ass fucking table with the little tiny chairs that are like Billy Madison style. It's like, do we really have to do the meeting in the little people classroom? We're sitting there. My knees are up to my neck. I'm just sitting there like, okay, tell me about the students.

So that was like two weeks ago. That don't give you a regular chair. No, I'm sitting in a little people chair. And that was like just a couple weeks ago. And now we had like a night where all the parents came and they like spoke to us. And then we went in the classrooms again. But in the beginning, it was like a fucking speech in the auditorium. No less than 250 degrees in there.

And they just babble like, well, this is my, like, 10th year on the board, and we're going to try to, like, raise enough money to, like, educate your kids. I'm like, there are two. You know what happened earlier? She shit in her pants. We don't need to raise money for this fucking thing. What are you going to raise money for?

You're paying tuition. Right. You already have the money. You want more, you motherfuckers? I wrote the check. You have the money for this fucking thing. What are you going to raise money for? You're paying tuition. Right. You already have the money. You want more, you motherfuckers? I wrote the check. You have the money. That's it. You know most schools, they just do this for free, right? Yeah.

I'm paying you. Then we go to the classroom and they're like, these are like the stars that we teach them about the stars. And these are like, this is like the sand over here. Oh, fucking. Yeah, whatever, dude. Sounds great. Like, whatever, dude. Sounds great. Like, it looks awesome.

Goodbye. And I'm especially in like, I can't tolerate things anymore. Like, I would have maybe in the past gone in there with like a smile on my face and been like, I'm going to pretend here. I was like, get me the fuck out of here. This is literally a waste of my time. Like, I got tweets to get off. All right. Give me a break.

But, I mean, that's because my kid's not coming home stealing things. I guess you gotta do all this shit for the parents that come in being like, my kid is a sociopath thief. I think you just ride it out. Look, she's coming home with, what, staplers and shit like that? You ride it out until she comes home with the dead gerbil.

And then it's time to have a conversation now we gotta figure out any sort of dead living things we'll talk once she turns into like your cat who just brings you

a bird as a present then we'll have a conversation until then okay let's party that's it for today today's episode daddy needs to do stationary he's like

give her little tips you guys got those ballpoint pens yeah get the ones that write real smooth with the rubber grips get me a 10 pack of those babe uh today's episode is brought to you by four hymns listen if you're not on this i feel like we're gonna get to the point as a society where you like you know when you're a kid you used to take flintstone vitamins every

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