KFC Radio - Nick Turani and The Office Has Been Making Fun of Feits Behind His Back - Inside Barstool

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:06:05 Nick might live in the worst apartment in New York 00:20:13 Oreo55 00:26:45 Making enemies in the office 00:31:32 A**es are getting too big 00:33:21 Mitzy and KFC beef 00:40:21 Nick's first year at Barstool during covid 00:47:52 Scamming Barstool through man on the street 00:56:13 Nick enjoys KFCR Live shows 01:00:57 The Yak live shows' downfall 01:02:52 Nick doing stand up recently 01:16:47 The New Anus studio is going to be odd 01:21:06 Nick moving to Chicago 01:22:51 Nick's brilliant Rom Com script idea +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://barstool.link/GametimeApp, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). +++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yeah, what a big mistake, huh? You need to either wear those chubs or whatever. Feidelberg didn't stop me. I smell exactly like Harry Styles does. I mean, we both said you smell a little vanilla in there. Tobacco vanilla!

100%. I feel for a TikTok ad. It was this girl and she was like, we found out exactly what Harry Styles is. I don't even fucking like Harry Styles anymore. We had a guy come in here, a comedian, Mo Amor. Mo Ammer?

Mm-hmm. Mo Ammer. And he smelled like a fucking dessert at a fancy dinner. And we were like, what is that? And he was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about it. And I realized how, if you're a cologne guy, they protect, because he mixes this and that. It's not just like, here's the thing I spritz on. Oh, he's a scientist. Yeah.

He has his own, totally unique, one-of-a-kind smell, and he won't tell anybody about it. I was like, oh, okay, never mind. I thought it was like, uh, Nordica. You can buy this brand. Dude, mine was like 60 bucks, and it sent me like a gallon. And I had to mix it myself. I smell just

like Stiles. Oh, you did mix it? I just had to pour it into a smaller thing, because I couldn't bring the gallon. It looks like a jug of piss. Like a bodybuilder walking around with a gallon of oil. It's like a tobacco,

vanilla, Tom Ford duplicate. How much was it? 60 bucks. 60 bucks for a fucking gallon. And it's going to last me. Which will literally last, like that's generational cologne.

You can pass that down to your kids' kids. So if anybody ever thought I was suicidal, just look how much cologne I bought. And they'll just be like, alright, he's making it to 80. Dude, I bought, when I was a kid, I remember Nautica in the blue

sailboat thing was like a cool kid at school had it. so that was mine I know there's like Aqua DiGio there's Curve everybody had their one thing that stuff was too Italian

I was a Polo Blue right so Polo Blue I got Nautica Polo Black I stepped up in high school a little bit oh

that's a Johnny Walker blue and black I actually don't know if it's higher or lower but I just got a different one 8th grade I was Curve and I sprayed it into my asshole

and I had to miss school because I burned my ass because I burned my ass. Because I thought I took a shit before the bus. Oh, you're going to clean your butt. Yeah. That's no good. I was standing at the bus stop.

I was like, oh, no. You did like beard cheeks. Spread cheeks, ass rim. The things that you do when you're like a young boy. But it makes perfect sense. Yeah, it's like my ass smells part of the body. Got to clean that up. But that Nautica blue sale thing, I mean, it lasted me – like I don't know.

It never ran out. It never even came close to like being three-quarters full. Like it was forever. Yeah, I never – I've never run out of cologne in my entire life. I bought it again recently almost as like a, you know, a nostalgia thing. Just like I was, you know, I never even realized

that they have it at like CVS, like locked up. And I was just like, you know what? Give me some Nautica too. They had to come and unlock it.

I have not used it once. That's an shameful thing to have like buzz for something. And now they do it for like deodorant and shit. It's like, can I get this baby powder?

It's like, what the fuck are we doing here? I did it once. I was in DC. Oh, it was when we had the live show in DC whenever that was. And I was staying with a buddy in virginia and i tweeted

a picture like i was like they had they had in the plastic casings they had the sour patch kids individually and i was like tweet a picture and everyone's like that's what you get for living in a blue state like i'm in virginia motherfucker uh i could go to a museum and touch a t-rex bone i can't go to a dwayne made and touch a box of bunch of crotch. It happens probably weekly to me now where I go to get soap or shampoo or whatever. There's a Duane Reade by my apartment. And I go every week, and I don't think I've ever walked out with anything because I'll buzz it, and I'll get so annoyed. I'll be like, fuck this.

It's not even worth it, and walk out. Or if there's the ones that you can lift on your own, and it's like, eh, eh. Yeah. Like, fuck this. It's not even worth it. And walk out. Or when you do, if there's the ones that you can lift on your own and it's like, eh, eh. Yeah. Like, Christ almighty. There's no way this much is getting stolen or it affects your bottom line that much. There's no way. I hate human interaction so much I've just been buying travel size. There's a big thing that's over there.

In the little bucket. That's very smart. I'm brushing my teeth with a travel size in my own apartment. I probably have like 30 cavities. I'm not getting my molar. I know for sure I have cavities. Dude, how about this? So I went to the dentist yesterday and I cracked veneer and I got to get it fixed.

And so they need to like do, you know, they need to build the right ones and shit. They are still, in the year of our Lord 2023, putting the goo in the plates and just putting it in your mouth. I had no idea there was still goo plating. I saw you treat that yesterday, actually. What would they do instead? I don't know. It was fucking like take a little laser. Oh, I think that makes the most perfect sense.

Well, I mean, it works, yes. It's like when they make a fleshlight. What are they doing? They're plating your vagina up. Wait, did they fill the vagina? I don't know if they fill it, but they certainly get the, I've seen, the insides are like,

it looks like an alien. They just, they load it up with like, just nubs. Yeah, no one knows what the inside of a pussy looks like. They're like,

whatever. It looks like the barrel of an AR-15. You ever seen those, there's like one video on Pornhub that somehow has a camera on the inside?

Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, that, that, that can't be replicated. If you jerk off to that. All it is, is a head going on the inside. Yeah, I've seen that. That can't be replicated. You have to be real depraved if you jerk off to that. All it is is a head going in and out.

Yeah, it's reverse angle. Oh, interesting. And then it comes and it just goes like... It's a baby with a handheld. It's a baby. It's got a little... Action! What's up, dad? Anyway, we just covered like 35 topics in 10 seconds.

Well, this I want to preface. We can cut it if you want. We talked about brushing your teeth. Is it true you don't have water? Dude, I'm living in pure squalor. My apartment has mold. I've been sick for nine months. How long have you not had water? Eight months. But but no my water's been beige for about eight months beige to uh beige that's fine i mean beige is enough it gets darker than beige when you i didn't know if you've

been i think nate mentioned it then i was like wait what yeah and i go up to my dad's to shower you talk that's an interesting thing up to my dad's to shower. That's an interesting thing for a straight dad. Dude, to have your son come up, the tables have turned. My dad thinks I'm very gay. I said the gayest sentence of all time to him. I only have like some, I have some clothes up there for just like, oh, it's too hot. I left a flannel up there. It was, oh, I put on shorts.

I have a pair of pants up there. And he was like, well, why don't you just stay here tonight? Because I was up there at 10 o'clock. I went on a run. Just paid $60 to Uber up to my dad's to shower. Instead of paying $60 to Uber back, he was like, why don't you just stay on the couch? I'm like, well, Dad, I have work tomorrow, and I don't want to wear a hodgepodge outfit.

I said hodgepodge outfit to my father. Bro, when was the last time you didn't wear a hodgepodge outfit? You are Mr. Hodgepodge. Everything is very thought out. Wow. Pull the pants. Show the buckle.

Yeah, buddy. This isn't even ironic. This is my only belt. It's a nice belt. Bro, how about this? So I've only had one belt for eternity. Like for years, I've only had one belt. It's like alligator skin. It's a nice belt, but it's my only belt. Bro, how about this? So I've only had one belt for eternity. Like for years, I've only had one belt. It's like alligator skin.

It's a nice belt, but it's my only belt. What color? Like brownish. So like when I wear something, say, all black, it doesn't work. So I've had to. So I got a new belt. Woo-hoo. It's a $12 belt from Amazon.

I don't know where you get belts. I'll be honest, that looks like a piece of shit belt. I don't know where you get... The only belt I have is from a Christmas present. And so I was like, where do I even go buy a belt? I can't think of anything stupider than buying a really expensive belt. I guess if you're wearing a suit and it's nice but like

for your everyday belt that probably nobody ever sees if you have some fucking fancy belt I now that looked like it was plastic. Oh bro feel it.

You gotta feel it. It's crazy. Don't get one of these because this is a disaster. Yeah that's gotta like I guess actually you can tell it's very cheap. It's actually not as

the clasp is bad. The clasp the sound of it yeah yeah i mean this is this is about to come apart yeah especially with your fat belly pushing on it i went to your that's awful ganger today oh that's you know that is stuff that's stop eating mangoes yeah because if you end up looking like that have you seen this one no for a man who is not like not that feidelberg is you know strikingly unique also he's not – he doesn't look just like every Tom, Dick, and Harry. He has his features. Yeah.

For a man who's like that, he has the most insane amount of doppelgangers you've ever seen. This is the latest. I mean, somebody said it's Fat Jack Mack mixed with Feidelberg. It's very much that. I mean, it's 100 Jack Mac Mixed with Feidelberg It's very much that It's 100% what it is That's your hair right now by the way Just in case you wanted to know What's the end goal with that?

I've actually wanted it cut for months now But I can't tell the Bruins It's been a Bruins season I was scrolling Twitter today And I just saw the lower half. Oh, no. And I just went, that looks a lot like me. Like, I didn't get to the face. I didn't know, was you going to be quoting me?

No, you're hard. This body's disgusting. You don't look like that. You could. You might in a few years, but you don't look like that. Well, if you'd like to look inside my head, that's exactly what I look like. Me too. Me too.

But I actually think I look like this too. It's like it's on my head, but I also think it's outside my head. I'm afraid to be shirtless alone now. I don't do it. I'm too ashamed to be shirtless alone. You're pretty thin though. No, no. I have like a – yes.

And then I'll have angles and then very spherical head. Yeah, I hate that too. If I could change one thing about my my body i think it'd be head and face shape yep really yeah oh my god you have a good ass shape yeah really yeah yeah i think i have a long like a long head i think i look like that's what i wish i had i got this fucking i got this oval long head cartoon i roll over in bed and there's nothing stopping me until I just go to the floor. What do you guys do? Do you see this past? Do you think they have brown heads? Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, I mean the paws spoke 10,000

words. And I'm safe. I have a beard. Thank God. If I didn't have a beard, horrible. You have a great beard. Thank you. You have a very good beard. It's saving me. I would look like a lesbian. Not even like a butch lesbian. You were clean-shaved.

Oh, probably my last year of college. Yeah, I mean, it's been – actually, no, that's a lie. I started, like – I figured out the magic of beards in the late 20s, but it's been like 10 years. I did it fairly recently for something. Oh, for the Blade Bat. Yeah. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was in a wedding, too.

That wedding was the first time I ever did the – I'd heard horror stories of people passing out mid-wedding. And they tell you – because I was in the bridal party. Like, don't lock your knees. I did like a – You did a woozy. I caught myself. It was like a hot church or something? Yeah, it was in New Orleans.

Like a summer wedding outside. Not outside, but like in a church with no heat. At least 100 degrees. Call it AC. Indoors or outdoors, they just ratchet that heat Orleans, summer sweating outside. Not outside, but in a church with no heat, call it AC. Indoors or outdoors, they just ratchet that heat up, make you sweat. Make you sweat out your sins. I, you know, grass is always greener, fellas. I love a rounder head. My head is so, it's like a rectangle. It's like, you know.

You're good. You're good. Is that a cartoon character? That's anime. You should know about this, right? I don't like that people assume that. You're good. It's Kylo, Kyroo. Is that a cartoon character? That's anime. You should know about this, right? I don't like that people assume that. You do know about it. But yeah, I'll tell you everything you need to know about him.

That's what my head looks like. I had a slip up the other day. I heard somebody, like I was with a group of people at a bar, and somebody was just like, yeah, that looks like anime porn. I'm like, that's hentai. And I just like yeah that's that's like looks like anime porn i'm like that's hentai and i just like i just blurted it out and they were like oh thanks i'm like i think it is i try to cover up my steps um i was i was telling kevin yesterday a little story right back there what the fuck was that dude you sound like you've been

at my apartment yeah but by the way i'm sorry we moved on from that too fast let's go back what are you so you're just like living there oh yeah i'm paying rent yeah yeah i would be too because that's one of those things where i'm like you better not be paying rent i'd be pride my landlord my landlord's so nice i'm in a co-op and this guy doesn't even live in new york and he's like hey man he'll text me just out of blue just want to let you know you're a great tenant i'm just like oh i'll let you know i haven't had water in half a year yeah no you want to see my newest malady this sucks this is what's happening this is what's happening to me now. I was washing my face with this beige water.

It smells like hamster bedding, too. Like damp hamster bedding. Which isn't a bad smell. It's bad. My sister had gerbils. It was tough. It's really not great. So whenever my sink is on now,

my bathtub drain just shoots up dirty water. And it makes me gag. It sucks. Bro, what are you doing? I'm down in Five Eye right across from the parking garage that collapsed yesterday. No way. Is that where it was?

You're in the same apartment I've been to, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that's where it was. Five Eye isn't known as shitty apartment area. I mean, everywhere has shitty apartments. But I thought you were going to be like, I'm on 197th Street. No, no. i'm in a weird building though yeah uh yeah a couple

floors are for like independent special needs adults oh um so it's it's it's an it's interesting especially if you're like bringing people back to your place yeah don't mind him you see the line of like guys holding on to each other like the rope line going into the building. And I'm just like, no, that's not my floor. Don't worry. I promise you, babe, that's not my floor. I got to be honest. Living in New York my whole life,

I have heard just about every embarrassing, like I live in this type of building or this type of guy or this type of neighbor or doorman. It's so embarrassing when you bring girls back. Having a line of – Two floors. There's a bus that brings them to and from work. I don't know where they work. Is Frank not there? No.

I think he's a little – he's above. He's too much? No, no, no, no, no. He's smarter than. No, I'm talking about the supers hammer and chiseling boogers out of their floor button. Oh. I'm joking. Oh, goodness gracious.

I don't know. That seemed very specific. That's got to be tough. Like I'm thinking for someone like me, like in my shoes, if I was talking to a lady and there's – if I'm talking to you at a bar all night, there's like a piece of the back of your mind that's just like wondering something. Like what's wrong with this guy? And then if I took you back to that apartment, they'd be like, yeah, no, my suspicions were right. Women's intuition. What's got to be worse is if they're leaving the next morning and then the bus thing comes to take everybody

to work and she's just like, oh no. I think I committed a crime last night. She goes home and looks in her mirror and she's like, am I? Did I sexually assault somebody last night? Could he give consent? I don't fucking know.

Wow. Well, I mean, Chicago will be better, right? For apartments and whatnot. Have you gotten your place yet? No,

no, no, no. Did that, I was talking to Francis because I obviously want everyone to stay in New York. Yeah.

And he was like, you got to remember, dude, like, you know, Chicago, your money's going to go a lot longer. And I was like,

does it though? I feel like Chicago is a pretty big, your money is going to go a lot longer. And I was like, does it, though? I feel like Chicago is a pretty big city where you're going to live in shitty apartments, too. Looking at apartments, it goes a lot further for, like, the same price. I mean, you do have to run the risk of a rambunctious teen putting a bullet in your temple. I wasn't going to say it. Dude, Twitter is a bad place for somebody moving to Chicago. Dude, I'll see a clip on Twitter and I'll just be like oh I love saving private Ryan

I'm like oh no that's my neighborhood there are neighborhoods like that in New York too where I've been like I mean going to Fordham like there was neighborhoods

like right around you good? I announced I had an itchy ball you can't scratch your balls before announcing do you need some cologne on your asshole? don't do it.

I know the pairing you're talking about. I got it when I tried to fuck a shampoo bottle once. It's not good. Yeah. Did you ever get stuck in a conditioner bottle? No. It was like a head and shoulders. We talked about this recently.

I tried to fuck a shampoo bottle, but too big. I forgot it grew. So tried to fuck in a shampoo bottle, but it was too big. I forgot it grew, so I'd go in fine. It was coming out. I had a crush on a bottle of fucking, what's the kangaroo one?

Oh, I know exactly. It was Ozzy, I think. Yeah, that was my girlfriend. Yeah. I wore purple to prom to match. Yeah, no. I mean, there are neighborhoods that are, like, not good to walk through.

Like, but, I don't know. I feel like everything online is overstated. 100%. I'm not too impressed. Yeah. I was telling Kevin yesterday that I don't have many joys in life. Certainly doesn't. Exceptionally few, in fact. Yeah.

And two days ago? Oh, no. Three days ago? Oreo 55? You guys ruined my only one. You're sitting next to Oreo 55. What's Oreo 55? That guys ruined my only one. You're sitting next to Oreo55! What's Oreo55? That's Final Burn!

It's my fucking New York Times mini-game. Oh, oh. So I so didn't know that I was doing anything that I just used the automated name. Oreo55. Which was Oreo55. The worst cross-worder on the planet planet earth and he doesn't know that the leaderboards are shared and so today kyle beat me by one second 31 seconds to 32 seconds oreo 55 rolling in with like a seven and a half minutes no that's bullshit that's bullshit so first of

all i haven't done it yet today Second of all So to catch everyone up I've mentioned it a few times Actually on the show How I've been playing The New York Times mini And about two weeks ago Which is awesome by the way It's the best

I thought the mini meant like It was I don't even know how big The big one is But I thought it was like 30 words I didn't know it was like 10 or whatever

Yeah it's great And I've been playing it A little while now And it's just my nice thing I do to unwind at the end of the day. Not anymore, it's not! I just like, I get home. Oreo 55! I watch TV.

And so like two weeks ago, I saw that KB... Oreo 55! It's the best you've ever made of all time. I'm going to make Oreo 55 t-shirts for sure, dude. The other day, two weeks ago, I was on the bracket and i saw kb he actually was doing a regular crossword but i just pointed it out and and they were like oh do you guys do you do the mini and i was like yeah of course they sent me a link i don't didn't know what it was i just clicked it and i guess that meant i joined their group for crosswords now they do it very intensely nick was

telling me he does warm-ups he does old ones to warm up and they go into private rooms yes i do it and like i just i just do it at home sitting on the couch watching tv and i kind of just fuck around and and sure it takes me a little while but like i'm not do i'm not focused i'm kind of like yeah well okay you're the you're the talk of our group chat i was just saying and then yesterday Tommy comes up to me and he's like hey I just want to congratulate you on how far you've made it despite the fact you clearly have mental disabilities

and I was like cool thanks Tommy had no idea what he was talking about you just figured it out for something I was like yeah no thank you and he's like I don't think you get what I'm saying I don't think you get what I'm saying I'm like I don't know man Tommy I appreciate. And he's like, I don't think you get what I'm saying. You're so odd, man. I don't think you get what I'm saying. I'm like, I don't know, man. Tommy, I appreciate it.

And he's like, no, I don't think, like, I know your time. It's like, you're not doing good. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, oh, we've been texting you. Everyone, your score's roasting you. I was like, that was the fucking 20 minutes of pleasure I had in the whole goddamn day. Exactly, 20 minutes. It should be the 20 seconds of pleasure.

I think they were always subbed to. I think it was all like, I wasn't. I did it today, driving. You know, I'm not the best. I like to multitask.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Driving's boring as fuck. I'm going to regret introducing you once you die doing this. I'm like, fuck, that one was me.

I was legit doing the fucking crossword puzzle while driving, and I was doing it in like sub a minute. Yes. And you're pushing two minutes. Oreo 55 lives on the fourth floor of my building. Oreo 54, Oreo 53. Oh, the whole clan of Oreo. The whole sleeve.

Oh, man. I was going to start, and I just said the first one. I was like, no, no, no, we're not going to do it now. Today's going to fuck you up. I was going to prove it, and I I just said the first one. I was like, no, no, no, we're not going to do it now. Today's going to fuck you up. I was going to prove it and I was like, the first one. I was like, I'm going to let it. You're going to put up jam band time today. I'm a revolution extension edition.

Do American Pie while... Is this new? No, no. We've been doing this for like two years. You guys? Yeah. But like, I mean like in general, the New York Times mini, is that a new thing? Oh, no, no, no.

It's been a thing for... I mean, I've done everyone back to 2018. No, not in the paper. Okay, it was always digital. Since the app, yeah. And that was pre-Wordle. Like Wordle rolled into that. Yeah.

Because this feels like a new Wordle to me, but it was actually before Wordle. Oh, yeah. It's fantastic. Do you pay for it? Yeah. So you have the whole archive of the minis. Oh, I go back and... $3.99 a month? Okay, yeah. What are you, Kev? I do them all. I've been doing old ones and stuff like

that. Do you guys get my old scores? Do you guys get my old scores? No, no, no. It's just the day. Why? One of them, I did one today, though, and it had like a lot. It was a little bit bigger. Yeah.

Is there like a medium? The days go. There's a midi, but it gets more difficult as the day goes by. Monday's easiest. Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday has a riddle. What I don't like is it's not words, right? Sometimes it's like a little phrase. Yeah.

It's multi-words. Is that on the big words? The big ones are crazy. They do phrases like that? Oh, yeah. We do across. I thought it was just words. Join us over at the computer today.

I hope I will. I feel like I don't want to be judged. Can I ask another question? Sure you can, Oreo55. Bro, the fact that I got Oreo55 is the dumbest man ever. I wish I'd saved mine. I signed up just today, and it gave me an automated one. I just immediately deleted it because who does that?

But I wish I had mine. It was like Elijah or something like that. I was like, Oreo55, that's pretty funny. Except it's a lot funnier now. Bro, I think you should lean into Oreo 55. That sounds like a record label. It sounds like you should change your Twitter name. Forget about Fights Barstool.

You're Oreo 55. I want people to have to compete against Oreo 55. Tweet out your time every day. No! Put an I beat Oreo 55 in the Daily Mini t-shirt. Everybody can get it. No, no, no. This is good.

This is good. I think Oreo 55, despite us making fun of him for being retarded, is actually probably a good benchmark for the average. If you beat him, no. Fuck no. You guys are freaks. You guys are autistic freaks.

You do it in 20-30 seconds. What we do now is we hold our breath while we do them. Just so. Because you want to see like if you start to like. But now you. Not you. John John's. Not a Wario.

Wario 55 held his breath for the mini. He passed away. I heard or something. This is good for you though though, because you've been making enemies in the office. Oh, I got a text today. I made an enemy. You get that text.

I can never tell with you guys. Am I serious? Yeah, I think upstairs, Enrique. Oh, yes, yes, that is true. Oh, I made an enemy. Yesterday, I said to Enrique, I was like, ooh, silver hair, I like it Is that new? He was like, uh, since December

And I was like, oh, yeah, totally, I knew that Yeah, brutal I'm okay making enemies on the third floor You know, content has the next party That's coming up Every month Every month, yeah Is another department hosting those parties like the putt

putt oh really and content is is this in this month and i'm hosting and i was like what's the budget what is the budget great question uh they didn't tell me and they were like well what's your plan i was like let's go classic let's go to someone at barcelona with the budget let's go i want it to be remote. Someone told me that. It just can't be true. I know it's not true. But someone was like, the goats cost like $15,000.

I believe it. I was like, wait, what? Then there's no way on no planet could that possibly be true. I just found out that like podcasts have like $6,000 a month to spend. Oh, yes. I just found that out. Somehow Roan, I bet you, has been taking hours that's some shit you do um yeah but i i've i've spoken to people on the third floor who i like and they're like yeah that was 100 right email and i'm like okay i mean that email

blog um oh yeah i'm like as long as you guys are like the people i talk to agree with me so i'm okay if everyone else hates me. You're not, I was allowed to host, but I'm not allowed to invite you. Really? That's okay. Unless it's in Tampa, because I've been to Mod's Venus in a million years. Yeah, I know.

We had Cameron in here the other day, and he was talking to us about how strip clubs work now, and apparently they're pouring drinks out their ass. Out their ass, like they put the drinks out their ass so out their ass like they put the bottle in their ass and then they

the cheeks he wasn't clear but I think that I honestly was not clear about I think the type of women he's talking about can hold things

with their cheeks yeah I think the women we see would probably need to be whole to really hold a bottle but they can hold

it with cheeks I uh remember when icing was a thing with smeared off ice oh yeah I tried to put on my butt cheeks and like try to like moon somebody and it just fell out yeah that's i don't i do not

have the ass to dude i actually i don't think i ever even showed kevin when we were talking about the video camera on where i asked him if this was like an old video i'm sorry if there was like cgi or movie magic in it because this woman shoves a bottle in her cheeks and then starts like twerking and it somehow never falls out. Like I said, if she was eight months pregnant, the baby would have fallen out. Really? But the bottle stayed? The bottle stayed. Ass technology is insane.

It is, dude. I don't know where these things are coming from. It's like they're made out of the same things as NFL receiver gloves. Yes. Just anything sticks to it immediately. The exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports, you may have heard of it. It is called Game Time. I just got back from watching the Bruins wrap up, not wrap up quite,

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Well, not really, but from Massachusetts. The Celtics, I think they are doing some basketballing right now. They're probably beating the Atlanta Hawks. The Bruins just handedly beat the Florida Panthers without their two first line centers. Their top two centers. Not a big deal. So there's going to be a lot more playoff games to go. And if you haven't been to playoff games, I know there's some of you out there,

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getting too big i i think they're getting too yeah fake like like the ones like those bbls that like go up almost yeah it's like your butt should not be defying gravity it can be round it can be perky whatever but they go like up and then down. It's like, that is so very fake. Yeah. And it's filled with, like, corn. Have you ever seen the ones that flip? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it's, like, a flat, like, tabletop ass? Yeah, those people die from that. Oh, yeah? It's a very... Dude, this is crazy. Watch this. I haven't seen this, actually. I've only heard word of this.

You have to look at it together. Oh, man. John has a protector screen because he's the most paranoid freak in the world. Look at that. That makes no sense. That final bend over is like, that's got to be coming out. How does she do it? How does she do it?

Mr. Wizard, tell us. We need Bill Nye the Science Guy. I'm so glad you know Mr. Wizard. Oh, yeah. My school was so poor, we had to watch Mr. Wizard's work. I was going to say, because you're Way too young for that I was too young for that Like I would wake up

In the early Early morning I would wake up When I When I was in like Elementary school We had to go to school Early

Like 7 7 in the morning In the 7am hour So I was up early to watch I watched SportsCenter Yeah But like

Before SportsCenter Started running It was Mr. Wizard On like Nickelodeon or whatever. And that shit was from – that shit's probably like so old it's incorrect. I think they found a new scientist. Yeah, it's just like – He's going to like mix chemicals.

He's like, God did that. On the sixth day, God created life. So wait. Anyway, this is my enemy. You have an enemy? I have a dozen match tonight. Okay. And, well, I don't know.

Jeff D'Lo said this is off the record, but I don't give a fuck. He said, after asking Tommy if he's a pervert on Wake Up with Mincy today. That caught me off guard. It seems like Ben has his eyes set on Kevin. And Ben said, I might get into it with KFC after he torched me on the way out of New York City in December. After you torched him by

saying that he doesn't work. Vince, he started the job last week. I've been penning my have I done enough in my time in New York blog. I forgot about that blog. Have you done like three things? Could I have done more?

Could I have done anything? Yeah. I do. I do. I respect waiting until year three to give it a go. And now he does like an everyday morning show. I was on it Monday. And he was just like, everyday morning show? I was on it Monday. And he was just like, yeah,

Nick was on Rediscovering America with me. That's my show. That's mine and Kyle's and Donnie's. That's a great way to put it, man. So I had Kevin and John on KPC Radio. That's fucking hilarious.

Thank you guys for hopping on today. I do appreciate the... I've always loved a good snake. A good snake job is the most honorable thing in the world, I think. Go ahead. Get that paycheck. But we get to talk about it.

Someone can make content. Yeah, listen. The content that comes out of Mincy is other people talking about his lack of content but yeah still he inspired that content

right so you know that was on a weekly report today Kevin and John talked about it for 30 seconds my favorite was

his daily updates that included things he was going to do tomorrow it's brilliant well I've got tomorrow on the document

it's brilliant and it's not intentional and I'm so envious. It is – you know, it would be so great to just be like that. I love it. God bless you, Mincy. You're the man. We'll see what he says tonight.

Are you nervous? I don't know. I don't know what Mincy means. Did you see the clip of what he did to Tommy today? No. Unbelievable. Hard-hitting question. Are you a pervert?

It was not subtle at all. I think he was genuinely just like... He has the subtlety of a fucking jackhammer. First of all, are you a pervert? That was the first question. Let's kick it off. What? Is it just because he's Italian or was it another thing?

I think Mintz thinks Tommy's Jewish because they were just like, a new episode of Wake Up Mintzy today and it was like all those like Hasidic Jews dancing. No. Really? Yeah. I mean. It was like the hint. I was like, oh, that's got to be Tommy.

The most Jewish guy in the world. Yeah. The most Jewish Gentile ever. Kevin was describing Tommy's humor the other day and he goes, it's kind of like that curb New York humor. It's like, Jew, say Jew. He's sick all the time. Complaining in New York. So many syllables to say Jew.

You know, a person of media. Yeah, I don't know what he's going to say. I don't know. There's the obvious ways to take shots, but I don't know if he has some plan or what. Do you guys know who's on his team? Mincy's?

No, he's not Honkers. I don't know. You know he's going to be in a coffee shop screaming. Don't kick me out of here for some reason! I don't know. I don't know. You know he's going to be in a coffee shop screaming. Yeah. Don't kick me out of here for some reason. That's fucking Nora Ephron placing the bar. Oh, my God.

Screaming over banana pancakes by Jack Johnson. I really got to say, as much as, you got to hand it to Portnoy for the money he's made, right? Because that was, he really called a shot with the gambling. He had a blog from like 20 years ago being like, I'm the best gambling personality in the world, and I'm going to get rich off it somehow.

I just don't know how yet, and I will. That, you know, sure. But even higher than that is like, he had his dream to assemble the whack pack avengers of the internet and i don't think he could have done any better like i don't i don't think he there's anybody else out there i think he's found them all that that are within reason you know there's freaks and geeks all over the world but the ones that like you know frank and ben they're just they're perfect but he has them but he doesn't

have the repercussion of like love of hurting them you know it's like when somebody has a valuable one has it in storage well well you're hurting them how he doesn't have to like deal with the repercussions yeah yeah yeah like hurting him personally frank freaks yeah yeah oh i think it takes it i think it takes a toll on the people who work for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it does hurt them. Right. No, that's what I mean.

He's in his ivory tower in Miami being like, this is great. Yeah. Look at these guys. My ears are bleeding from Frank's. I was thinking about him personally. Frank. Oh. Yeah, no, no.

And everybody. I think you could probably look through the – No, Frank's happy, though. This is a great thing that happened to Frank. Frank's lost a ton of weight since he started this job. He's happier. Yeah, he's good. This is one of the best things that's happened to Frank.

For his neighbors at their desks, you know, one of the worst things. For anybody within a mile radius of him during a Mets day game. The worst thing. That's how it goes. But yeah, I mean, that was – I remember Dave, that was his plan. He wanted the Howard Stern Whack Pack and being one of the people he hired. And I was like, who do I fall in that?

Oh, you. I just want to hire all the weird Oh, you. Oh, I know. I just want to hire all the weirdos on the internet. You're hired. What does that exactly mean? I know at one point Dave said he wanted to recreate the weirdos on the yak. And then he was like, we'll get Frank. And we'll get Mincy.

We'll get all these guys. I'm like, wait. They're just. Oh, no. That's coming down the line. was your chairs that was some of the day porn on your show right yeah he's like i want to whack back like like did he say your name no no no okay i love it's just i mean i'm doing it right now so i feel bad but like just the blatant disregard for people's feelings when he's just like i gotta get the weirdos like this one and this one and this one and this one.

That's so unbelievably rude. Yeah, but they're so happy. Well, but that is why I think deep down it's like, okay, if you were really like that upset about this or not happy, like go back to whatever you were doing, they would never in a million years, you know? You, over the, how long have you been here now? One year today. No.

I say that. Everybody loves their one year. I was going to say you got the charisma. I try to make mine every single day. I mean people celebrate seven-month anniversaries here. It's awesome. This marks the seventh month I've been at Barstool Sports. It's awesome.

It's been a wild ride of ups and downs. You are in – you're like a marketing intern like legitimately i think our intern season is like six months long so yeah i've been a one year it's been what a ride the people i've met is the one thing that like when anybody asks me what i love just like how close i've gotten to you guys in 365 days. It's

incredible. I think I've been here I got here like a month before COVID. I should have been fucked. Really? I feel like you've been here longer than that. I would have guessed you were here for February 2020. I probably would have said the five-ish range. I would have said five. No 5 February 2020, I got here

I got comfortable And then COVID sent me home So it was crazy You went home to West Virginia? Yeah, because there was no COVID Dude, I remember I remember we did a Making the Gambler At one of the Penn properties

Before the Belmont, I think. And it was me, Marty, Nick Hamilton, and Dana Beers went down to St. Charles in West Virginia, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we never left. There was a hotel. And this is like May or June, I think. So maybe it's for the Derby.

I forget whatever horse racing is. And there's a hotel. Then there's an Applebee's. And then there's the Penn track or whatever it's for the dirt I forget whatever whatever horse racing is and we there's a hotel and then there's an Applebee's and then there's the Penn track or whatever it's called and we we were there for like three days we never went not anywhere but those three buildings yeah and when we would go into the Applebee's and we had

masks on because it was like I don't know I didn't know you know just I thought you had to do it so I just did it and people would walk in. We would look at us when we walked in. They're like, get these blue staters the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out. They get mad.

Like the first thing the waiter would say is, you don't have to wear a mask. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah, so I went back there, and I was just like, no, what do I do? What did you do? I just started fictional debates debates uh no not fictional debates uh fiction yeah fictional debates i think is what it was called was was that on the entrail

with the aaa okay yeah you guys would do like the basketball team jeff was like starting the dozen we made we anus was a fake podcast at the time we're just doing like clips from podcasts i texted you about that the other day i forget what it was like i had like a suggested for you instagram post oh yeah and it was a draft like i don't know what the fuck we were drafted. I forget what it was. I had a suggested for you Instagram post. And it was a draft. I don't know what the fuck the draft was. Yeah, I forget what it was. It was like five best... It was something that was so benign. And every draft is stupid.

And it was... But it was even another level of that where I was like, I'm going to watch this whole video because there has to be a punchline here. And I mean, I'm sure I have it in the text. I don't want to... No, I'm not not gonna say who it's from but it's just the uh i want to see what exactly the draft was i think it was uh worst

oh it was best things of spring that's it oh okay okay and then talking about the video i did no no but it was so but i was like i watched it all because i was like there has to be a punchline because it was just like warm weather and then this and then that. And I was like – there wasn't. There wasn't a punchline to the video I saw first. And I texted you and yours with like the top five. Was it worst five? The worst things I guess or like –

Kyle took like – You were like jelly. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yours was like stubbing your toe and he was like Hitler. Oh, I misunderstood you. Yeah. stubbing your toe and he was like, oh, I misunderstood. Yeah. So that was,

that was so fucking funny. That was one of my favorite videos of COVID. I forgot it was COVID until you and I were talking about it. COVID was a cheat code for making content. People just wanted stuff. It was, it's funny because I think some people are like, you know,

and then everything shut down and like, we couldn't do anything. Oh, there's no sports. Yeah. Yeah. That was fucking amazing. I mean, you know, and then everything shut down and like we couldn't do anything. Oh, there's no sports. Yeah. Yeah. That was fucking amazing. I mean, you know, what's the phrase about like making money when there's blood in the streets?

Yeah. If you were a comedian and an entertainer, it was fucking payday, baby. I mean, there were people who made full blown careers because of that. Yeah. I mean, I remember them being like, you know, our like our podcast numbers are down because the people aren't commuting and going to the gym. And I'm like, who fucking cares? Everything else is up.

I mean. Did you start One Minute Man ever, COVID? Well, I started One Minute Man back, like, a couple years before that. The first One Minute Man was in 2017. Okay. But it was kind of like an algorithm thing. I made one, and it did like 7 million views. And I was like, I'm rich. I'm retiring. Yeah. And it was kind of like an algorithm thing. I made one and it did like 7 million views. And I was like,

I'm rich. I'm retiring. Yeah. And then they changed their algorithm. And it was like, if you remember, I don't know if you even know, cause who cares about Facebook,

but they once changed their algorithm to fuck creators. I don't know why they did that. Every creator was like, okay, we're gone. And so I kind of stopped doing it. And then over COVID gas was like, I,

we, we just heard from Instagram they're going to be rewarding original content and like blasting it out so why don't we revive that? So yes and no, it started before that but it really took off during that. Yeah, okay. But yeah, I mean we also started Friday Night Pints

like we did like the Cribs thing where we showed our houses where we're living. Oh my god, yeah. It was like so much shit that was just like go, go, go, go, go go i i mean i actually i thought that was i thought we did it like a it was an admirable job that we did like it was i think it really showed um like how much better we are at this stuff than like the rest of a lot of people because i had a big flop during it you had a big flop the uh i thought it was gonna to be the biggest thing ever. Because COVID happened right as the NHL playoffs were about to

start. And I was like, let's just do the NHL playoffs on NHL whatever year. 2000. That's not a bad idea. I was like, let's just get one of the players from every team. They play their series.

Yeah, but I do remember it flopping, but that's a good idea. Why did it flop? Dude, I remember Austin Matthews was so bad doing it. Really? That sounds like a good idea. Oh, I was like, this is going to be the best idea ever. And then

Marty and I were going to do post-game for it, and we did the post-game for the first one. Oh, it took a long time. It took forever. No one watched it. The players weren't being fun. First of all, I was picturing it was going to be pasta versus Austin Matthews.

They pulled strings a few weeks in and got Austin Matthews to do it, but it was always like, I don't know if we didn't reach out to players or whatever, but no players did it. And then Austin Matthews, he won, so he advanced. And they were like, he's like, ah, boys, I'm not doing that. On the street. He had to play right then or next week?

No, it was next week. He's like, nah, boys, I'm all set. Thank you, though. Oh, my God. At a time when he was like, Austin, you literally cannot do anything else can you just play a hockey video game

for me next week nah I'm on the ground I think Biz and Witt commented it commentated it I bet you they that should have worked

that's not on you man having having like a flop like that where you truly like it's a good idea that hurts so bad oh I was like

this is a great idea did you do like 20 minute periods I don't think so because that should have. Did you do like 20-minute periods? I don't think so. Because that should have been like, you know, one-minute periods. Yeah.

I don't think we did 20-minute periods, but I was thinking like we're going to have our own Stanley Cup at the end. We'll give it to the team who wins and it did not work. Dude, just go do Man on the Street. Yeah.

Just fucking do Man on the Street. Yeah, no, that was... It was... Don't do any don't do man on the street everyone is crying should I just do man on the street it's gonna do the best I'm just trying

I pitched man on the street to go on vacation I went up to Blackman I was like we need somebody on the street we need somebody on the street for the coronation of the king I'm going to Blattman. I was like, we need somebody on the street. I love how you're whispering. We need somebody on the street for the coronation of the king. I'm going to fucking London May 4th. Hell yeah. Bamboozle, boys.

I'm just going to put a mic stand out. Just chill. I mean, Riggs made a whole career off of boondocks. You can do it, too. Why don't we? Well, didn't you? I actually haven't told Kevin about this it didn't end up happening if I remember

yeah it would have been the biggest boondog in the history of you go first so Rediscovering America started off as going to shitty places really just shitty places and then we had a meeting. They were like,

hey, we just sold it to Virgin Cruises. You guys are for two weeks going around the Mediterranean stopping at every spot. You're gone for the entire month of June. And we were like, okay, we got the dates. We got the wardrobe. They're like, sorry guys, Virgin Cruises collapsed. We're just like, what the fuck? And so now we can't do it.

That's interesting. Davey Day Trader told me cruises only go up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a great period of time, too. Dude, we had our flight itinerary. I told my mom, I was like, Mom, I'm going to Barcelona. I'm going to Ibiza. It was like right as COVID hit?

No, this was a week ago. Oh, cruises just collapsed right now? It was Virgin, I guess, overstretched. I didn't know they had a space program. And then they were like, it's not with Virgin signs, but their space program just collapsed. I was like, oh, well, yeah. He actually won the space race. They were the first ones, the first civilians.

Oh, no shit. Out of Elon and Bezos and them richard branson went to space first so he's a billionaire and has all these things have you ever used a virgin product or done a flight we've done we did a flight you've done a virgin flight remember that yeah i've never done anything i know keith is on it uh no that was when you went to vegas yeah you and i went a different time i think i mean we definitely had purple lights i don't know if that was a virgin or pink lights or whatever. Oh, man, this was also one of those things that happened really early.

It was like 2009. I think it was our first trip to L.A. I think we took Virgin. Okay. The one to Vegas, me and Kay Marco did, and it was really early, and I thought it was going to be like this forever and like always, and I was like, again, like fat cat, I've made it. We flew first class Virgin Airlines to Vegas,

and it was when I wanted to go to Vegas. Like, now it's, like, my nightmare. I was young, single. I think we were going with other blogs, like BroBible and those guys were there, so it was going to be, like, a dumb, fratty part. So, yeah. I was like, let's go.

And the plane was so fucking awesome, I was like, can we just, like, circle around for a while? Yeah. Can we just stay up for a couple more hours? It was like, it wasn't a full reclining, but it was pretty close, champagne flowing, nice comfortable blankets and pillows, and yeah, it was purple lighting,

because I guess they're, I don't know, they made it look like a club. Movies were popping off. Me and Keith were like, hey! Yeah, but I didn't know virgin i mean i i can virgin records that was yeah oh yeah yeah i remember virgin records but i don't know what else so they just do like everything i think so they're almost like yamaha right yeah they have everything what was the other boondoggle it wasn't you it wasn't a boondoggle it was a great

man on the street prank where you learned that the first time you went to Kansas, I think it was, was that Roan was supposed to go after a national championship. Oh, yeah. Roan, I was sitting in a restaurant and Roan called me. He was like, hey, can you and Kyle go to Kansas for a man on the street of Kansas wins it all? This was last year. And we're like, yeah, man. Okay. And I was like, Kyle, hey, we're getting sent to Kansas.

And then Roan a couple weeks ago was like, yeah, I just called you guys and told you to do that. Like, nobody, I just told you guys to do that. And we were like, is it that easy to do? And he was like, yeah, call somebody. And so we just called Clemmer. And we were like, hey, man, it's the Frozen Four. We've got to get you to Minnesota. We need you to paint up as a puck. You know. And he was like, all right. And we called Caitlin Walker. And we were like're like hey it's for the clemmer minnesota thing we're in a meeting now can you just get him the flight to minnesota and she was like yeah okay is hank is hank cool with it and we're like yeah he's in the meeting

and we call hank uh roan calls hank he's like hey hank like we're good with the clemmer puck thing in minnesota right he's like uh yeah and so um clemmer then backed out but then we're like hey man like we need you. Yeah. Is it like a piece of content now showing the whole thing? That's fucking hilarious. So, Clemmer. Like how to boondoggle 101 from start to finish. Yeah.

It's like a segment of our pod. We're just going to start sending people places. Because you just can. You can just do that. And so, Clemmer now, he was just like, hey, I can't do it. Can I do it in the summer? I'm like, that's better. So, Clemmer is going as a puck to where? St. Paul, Minnesota. now he was just like hey i can't do it can i do it in the summer i'm like that's better so he

clemmer is going as a puck to where st paul minnesota uh to do get man on the street reactions for them losing the champion the hockey champion when is he going he's going in the summer okay so if i could throw a date out i will be in st paul for a hockey event on july 8th okay there will be a ton of people around. Dude, just call Caitlin Walker right now. I need Clemmer to get a ticket. Dress as a puck. Just paint himself

like a puck. I told him to paint up as a puck. Ask Jazz for tips. I don't think people get that it's really not a joke that you can just do it's like I can't even think of another analogy

because I think we're probably the largest most successful company that has no leadership and I don't mean that in a way of like, you know, Erica's not a good leader. I mean like nobody, there's no hands on. Well, I think that's what pushes creativity a lot.

But like when I first started, it was overwhelming because I was like, all right, well, what do I do? They're like, yeah, figure it out. Yeah, yeah. It's a given and a curse. It's like, what the fuck? It's a hard job to just do.

But I'll tell you, it's better than the opposite of them being like, so here's what you're going to do. Here's what you're going to write. But that's what I thought it was going to be. And then when Roan called, I thought that was like he was in a meeting. All right, we need somebody in Kansas. Yeah.

Nah. As I'm talking to new people about coming here, I don't want to bluntlyly say it but i want to just be like you can do whatever you want even nothing a lot of people choose to do nothing and why didn't we think of that yeah it's the best but it's like i don't know that's where it's like i you can obviously if you work harder and try you get more money you get more success all that shit dude I'm a pay raise away from clear water look at me

dreams do come true but it is cool to just be like I'm just going to sit right at this paycheck and not do anything for it I fucking made it man like hell yeah are things different now do you think that'll fly anymore i think uh there's a little a minor day of reckoning coming like i don't think it's gonna be like a uh bloody sunday where they like you know fire everybody but i think there's some auditing going on that's like you can't just literally do nothing anymore.

You've done a solo show. I'll be all right. What would you do if you got fired fights? Finally it. You know. No, I would go do like – You would work in insurance. No, because like –

I think you would though. No, I think we're all unhirable. There's ten videos of us right now. Google your name and you saying the word cunt. There's someone here who has a video of me in blackface. Don't worry. It was for a joke. Oh, no.

I have it. There's two people in this room that have a video of me. Oh, I know. It's not a black face. I'm wearing a skincare routine. We were going to run that at a live show. Oh yeah. We do things that are too much for the internet at the live show. By the way,

get your tickets in Houston. Sorry, Houston. How crazy is this? We had three dates in Texas, and two of them sold out. Dallas and Austin, like, fine. And then Houston had, like, three tickets sold. And I was like, holy shit. I was like, I think I've been on record saying I don't think Houston is the best city, but goddamn, these guys fucking hate me. We come to find out, if you went to buy tickets, you could only buy four or six or higher.

Is it like a table situation? It kind of is that, but I was like, I don't care. You sit at tables with the strangers and Cramnick all the time, so yeah, it probably is a table thing. But I was like, our audience is certainly like date night couples yeah and we also encourage people to come solo and btw everyone's audience is like yeah four sets of four to a comedy club i mean it does happen but i think that's that's that's a weird that's a weird crowd so if you wanted to go, you could put in like one ticket, two tickets, and then it would just check you out at $165 or whatever the fuck. I was like – so anyway, we fixed that.

Do you guys like doing the live shows? I don't. I do. You do? I do. I love when it's over. I still just get – I fret over ticket sales and I fret over how it's going to go and I get on stage and I sweat and I'm nervous. But I do think it goes well.

I think we're good at it. Yeah, you guys. I'm wet. It's a blast. I'm like soaked by the end of it. And then every now and then I'll have a show where I'm just totally calm and I'm like, that was fine. I don't know how to like capture that because it happened for me a couple times where I was relaxed and I wasn't sweating. I wasn't nervous.

Everything was good. And I was like, oh, cool. I turned the corner. And then the next show, it just happened again. So I don't know. But when it's done, I'm like, that was awesome. Ours ended in disaster and we retired. Was that the tomato incident?

The great tomato incident, which is a great idea. I can just imagine a club being like, yeah, they were trying to say it was like three hundred thousand dollars of damages wouldn't it be funny if you did hit like some i don't know on our on our flyers we were like with special guest tomatoes and they were just like we thought like we thought that was like you know like a guy. I'm Tomatoes. Which is hilarious. Clemmer comes out dressed as a tomato going, I'm a tomato. Let me give Clemmer a call.

Hey, man. Wait, by the way, before we move on, I would like to clarify something. The blackface sketch. Oh, yeah, so what we were going to do at the comedy club was play the black fleece sketch where Feidelberg dressed up in blackface. Is he with Kyle? To make a joke about racial. He was dressed up as a black man. It was a skit about Africa.

That's what he was doing. Absolutely. Don't let him tell you otherwise. But we get out there and front row. And the only people in the room who were black. Black couple. Right there. And John is texting us. Don't do the skit. Don't do the skit. Don't do the skit. Don't do the skit. Don't do the skit. Don't do the skit. front row and the only people in the room who were black black couple right there and john is texting us don't you don't you don't understand i was like i was like dude he's like it's like

the uh battle of bunker hill is like the only person who's white to their eyes i could see and i was just like what other whites would you see i was like let's not it's the only person whose eyes i'm looking into this whole fucking show i whole fucking show. I get why you did it. I think if they were there, they know who we are. And I think it would have been very funny. But I also can understand. I'd be like, blackface sketch is off. The sketch was.

Blackface. I was an influencer. A protester. Who had. In Missouri. Who had like a Charcoal skin care routine on Went out to get

It was Scarebuggy cancelled Went out to get his lunch And got caught On camera On a Google Black But when I put on I didn't know how to do

A skin care routine And so when I put on The skin care routine I guess you're supposed to Just go like Forehead Cheeks Kind of deal. I just thought you cover your whole face.

And you painted your lips red. And I showed it to a girl and she's like, that's not how you put on skincare. And I was like, I had it on my eyelids. You knew what you were doing. It wasn't on my eyelids, but it was definitely in my eyebrow hair and stuff like that. They're like, no, it's a line up here. No, you wore a do-rag to keep the hair out of your face. We were like, we can't put that out.

We can't put it out. I think you guys would be great at a live show. I think you should go back into it. Oh, man. We did the roast of Len Bias in Boston for like 30 minutes. Okay, maybe not. Maybe you wouldn't be great at a live show. I think you should go back into it. Oh, man. We did the roast of Len Bias in Boston for like 30 minutes. Okay, maybe not. Maybe you wouldn't be good at it. Was that too long?

It was too long for a dead guy roast. Yeah, like pages. It is. I don't know anything about Len Bias. I'd be fine. Oh, you know that Boston fan. That's what I'm saying. I'm shocked that like – not shocked.

It is Boston people take great pride in the things that they take great pride in. We didn't tell them we were doing it. It just started. It was just like, hey, we want to thank you all. No, no, no. We were just like, the tickets were only

for sale for a day and it sold out. I was like, sellics for a day? Who's that remind you of? And then it just started. See, that's fucking hilarious. That is fucking so funny. And if you can't appreciate Celtics for a day,

then you shouldn't be on a comic show. That's fucking brilliant. That would be a... We might have to wait until you guys are a little more established. But if it was like we come to your city and we talk about the thing you are most sensitive about... I mean, we tried... In hindsight, it was a goofy, stupid segment anyway. But we were joking around about snowballs at Santa in Philly.

Yeah. And Philly was just like, it didn't happen, man. That's not the way it actually went down. Yeah, they put batteries in them. Okay, guys. We stabbed them instead. I was like, yeah,

we're just joking, guys. Fucking calm down. But yeah, if you just went to a city and picked their worst fucking... And it just happened. The Ireland talking about the IRA. So car bombs. but uh i yeah i i i think you

should give it another shot of all the things in life probably the best thing maybe ever is the ability to get high whenever you want you want, using whatever kinds of devices you want, tinctures and drips and drops and nope, those are all the same thing. And, and, uh, edibles, all kinds of products. And I'm, I'm struggling with the camera here. And I'm watching hockey. So I said, Hey, and, uh, and, and, you know, three cheese on the forefront of that has been forever, right? It's a Sunday night. I'm here watching Dallas, Minnesota. I got my hair in a ponytail like a bohemian wanderer.

You know what I'm about to do? I'm about to do a little 3G. Okay? It's made in the, I almost said born in the USA, but I'm not producing. Maybe I've already done 3G. But it is made in the USA with USA hemp products. It is all natural. It can be shipped to your door in a discreet package

for that craveably potent buzz that we all want. KFC Radio listeners get a 15% exclusive, exclusive 15% discount on all 3Cheese Premium THC products if you go to, oh boy, I'm struggling with the scroll here.

Oh, you dirt dog. It's not in here. What the shit, Brick? Come on, man. I'm going to guess it's code KFC. It's not. It's code KFC 15. I'm going to guess.

I'm just going to guess right now. It's code KFC. Again, it's still not. It's code KFC. Again, it's still not. It's code KFC15. So you go to 3chi.com, 3chi.com, use code KFC15. Get 15% off premium THC products. Are you comfortable on stage? No.

Yeah. No. Well, you did stand-up recently, right? Yeah. How'd that go? I don't think I... It was something recently, right? How'd that go? It was something to do. How long did you go?

Seven minutes, eight minutes. I don't know if it's for me. I don't like being the focal point. You should vote for people. Yeah, that's what I like to do. You're the only comedian who ever got on stage and was like, don't stop talking. I don't want this to all be that's what I like to do. You're the only comedian who ever got on stage and was like, no, you guys, don't stop talking.

I don't want this to all be about me. You want to do a couple minutes, sir? Continue your conversations. I mean, your writing is second to none. And I've never seen you do it. But I also just know, I feel like your personality, you wouldn't want the spotlight on you. I was nervous the entire week leading up.

I got real drunk. It was like, I just don't want that. You got drunk to go on stage? It's not worth it. I don't know why I still fret. Maybe this tour, this time, I won't. But worrying every day if tickets are selling, and then the day of, worrying

if the crowd's going to be full, and worrying if it's going to be funny. It's like, what am I doing to myself if it was my if we were just just stand-up comedians yeah and that was like my living i probably a wouldn't would feel differently about it and b even if i felt that way i would just be like fuck it we have to but sometimes like why why am i doing this and then the after feeling is like yeah why if you don't afterwards you didn't walk off being like i'm so i'm like proud of myself i didn't remember anything i'm glad i to say i did it and i may hop on for like five minutes again if i'm so i'm like i didn't remember anything i'm glad to say i did it and i may hop

on for like five minutes again if i'm feeling it but i don't know man uh did you do it a dollar slices yeah yeah yeah um so it was like a pretty small crowd like 50 sometimes that's like worse i don't know yeah i know people when people say that i used to think it's kind of like yeah whatever that's bullshit but if you have like lighting and you really can't see people versus like if you were just in a room doing this it's it was tough and there was like a guy with a camera and he was like hey i'm recording i was like can you turn it off for mine and so it's just like i don't have any there's nothing i did i the only time i had done like real solo on stage stand up i opened up for josh wolf oh yeah and i did probably like seven and i think it went okay

it certainly wasn't like you know groundbreaking it was better than i thought it was gonna be yeah but you know what like we kind of we don't do stand-up but like we're we're like adjacent yeah adjacent is a good way it's just like a little we're like on the evolutionary chart we're like right over here and if you just like take some of the shit that you used to write about and put it in, in this form, you, you really are

better than you think. Yeah. You know? I mean, we've, we were watching something recently, a video of something, I think,

where we were at an event and, and we were like, you know, quietly like, I think we're funnier than this. Yeah. Like,

it's, it's, the thing about comedy is it's about, it's, to be funny but it is about having the balls and then the ability to convey the funniness but i can i can for with certain say like that person i am like i think i'm funnier than they are just a professional comedian very very good but it is about all that together it's a short memory too like Sass will be like hey I got up there and my first joke

just didn't hit and I just had to keep going I would walk up to Sass no I got up there and I was just like my black ass is nervous nobody laughed no

yeah I was gonna say oh fuck I was like oh it's a good like cheap laugh start off with like I thought it was gonna be like a you know

and I was like oh shit you have to laugh at someone's first joke come on animals not even's first joke come on animals not even my first joke of the set of my life yeah i mean that i i i think though is like the the number one thing about comedians is not funny or whatever it's like they're psychos it's because because the minute that you get up on stage and you bomb, to get back up there is insane. That's like, oh, I went swimming in a pool and I almost drowned.

Can't wait to get in the pool again. Right. What? It's a matter of time until you do bomb. Everybody says it happens. It's like buying a motorcycle. You're going to crash. And, yeah, I just don't know why anybody would do that.

They're braver than I am. I'm a pussy. There's like a light bulb. There it is. Wait a minute. Wait a second. Like every other problem in my life. No, that won't do. They're braver than, I'm a pussy. There's like a light bulb there. Wait a minute. Like every other problem in my life. Why don't I say to the comedian, why can't I brush

my teeth at home? Same answer. Everything ties back. I feel like, though, it's like, how can I possibly care about these strangers that I'm never going to see again, you know? Yeah. Although that also makes me – part of what I get nervous about is we luckily, thankfully, to all these people, have a lot of fans who come out. Yeah.

Like, almost all of our shows. We have, like, a group that will travel around and see us. And first of all, that's crazy that they – like, we even have loyalty like that. So it's awesome. But I'm also like oh fuck i can't like use that joke again or do that segment again when in reality it's like no yes i can you're the one doing this you're the weirdo yeah so if you want to come to every show that's fine but it's gonna be the fucking same you know yeah it's it's you guys have a good thing going

though i went to your one at caroline's and it was like so it was good it was good he lies when he like when he told me it was good i was like i don't think you really think no no i like it was like a great time and me and i told kyle i like i like took notes on it and i was like we should we didn't have any segments i don't believe we were we were just gonna be like this is just like gonna be a podcast yeah you need a little bit you guys made it it was very interactive it was fun and then like we uh you guys had the thing like uh things you't say. Yeah. And so we were like, we should do something like things we can't say. And so, we did the same exact thing.

Things we've almost gotten fired for. And so. That's the other thing, if you give them like a, a feeling that they're getting something that they can't get anywhere else, it's like, ah,

you know. But, I also think there is a little bit of, I think there's a little bit of respect coming the way of live podcasts. I think like more and more people are doing them and more and more comedians are doing them. And I've heard from a couple of them being like, oh, I'd rather go up there and do my set than do a live podcast. Like I have my material. It's easier.

Live podcasts are hard. You got to wing it, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I mean it's like the length of going to a movie. Yeah. Like, yeah, you've got to – and it's like – That's a good point. The bar is a lot lower.

Of a live podcast? I think so. I think if you – I think if I went to a live podcast and there were some lulls in it, I'd be like, well, yeah, that's how a podcast goes. I think you think the lulls are longer. I think because of like – Totally. Because of my own – Like, I don't think we podcast goes. I think you think the lulls are longer. I think because of like – Totally. Because of my own –

Like I don't think we ever – I think you said like conversations, minutes. I don't think there's ever – I know comedians are every 15. I don't think there's ever 30 to 45 where there's not at least a chuckle. There's not somebody like, yeah, you're not talking about something funny. Yeah. What's the chuckle per minute ratio you aim for? We don't have any aim. I never thought about that.

I think it happens. They say in comedy it is like 15 seconds. But I also think that's like real comics will be like, no, that's bullshit. You can't put rules to it. The best comedy I've ever seen is when Chappelle first came back.

His are TED Talks. He did that Cosby joke where he was giving a history lesson. And he just went through the decades. And he was just starting, like the Black Panthers and the movement and blah, blah, blah.

And he went from, you know, like the 60s or whatever all the way to present day. And there was not a single laugh. And it was minutes and minutes and then he was like and that entire time Bill Cosby has been raping bitches

and it was like I mean the house came down but the confidence to be like alright I'm only in the 70s and I gotta get to the 80s, 90s and 2000s and it's gonna work now that's obviously like Ch, Chappelle was so much like, niche, but... If you're not laughing, when I'm watching

Chappelle and I'm, like, not laughing, I blame myself. I'm like, maybe I just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do think we probably get laughs because it's, like, at the very least, we're saying something stupid, or I'm busting your balls, or whatever. Yeah. Like, whether

or not we hit with, like, a really good punch line or really like something and also it's kind of cheating too once you're selling tickets like it's a lot harder to go in front of a crowd that doesn't know you oh yeah well like people come and they want to see they like us and they want to oh if we went up on stage and did our podcast in front of like total strangers uh totally different that would be insane and i'm gonna be like yeah i going to go see this podcast. I've never listened to it before. Which has happened before. What? We've had a couple.

Well, have we had people that bought and didn't know or they get – like we always have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's more than that. It's usually a girlfriend, but recently we've been getting boyfriends that get brought along, which is very funny. Yeah. Because I'm trying to put myself in that position. Because we also have had a couple interactions where we take pictures with everybody afterwards. And they come as a couple, and they take a picture. And there's been a couple girlfriends who go, okay, now, like, just me.

And, like, pushes the boyfriend away. And then me and John take a picture with her. And I'm always just like, this is awkward. This is awkward. And I'm sure it's all harmless or whatever. But I was trying to put myself in the position of, like, if my girlfriend just like, this is awkward. This is awkward. And I'm sure it's all harmless or whatever. But I was trying to put myself in the position of like – my girlfriend was like, I love this podcast with these two dudes and you got to come with me. I don't know what I would – I mean – Well, I personally – I think it depends on what the guy does for a living because like me, I tell jokes around this house. I'm the funny guy.

It's like if you're a handyman and another guy comes to do the lawn or something like that, you're like, no, no, no, no. This is what I do. Yeah, I'm going to mow another man's lawn. I've told this story before, but I have a good friend from high school, and she got a boyfriend, and this was five years ago or whatever,

so it was long after high school. And I was talking to her mom, and she's like, have you met her new boyfriend? He's so funny. No, he's not, bitch. And I was like, what the fuck did's like, have you met her new boyfriend? He's so funny. No, he's not, bitch. What the fuck did you just say to me? Oh, professionally? I do the jokes in this fucking group.

Okay. If you said he was so hot or he's so strong or he's so tough, I'd be like, cool, that's awesome. But I was like, what do you mean by that? He's so funny. If my stand-up, if my crowd for my stand-up was just my boys' girlfriends, I'd crush. That's when I'm at my best. That's your wheelhouse?

Yeah, you can fuck her, but I'll have her. All right, enjoy the pussy. I'll make her smile. You know what? That brings it back to one of my favorite things we ever did on Friday Night Pints you know

would you rather get laid or laugh with the homies come on now it was the easiest and everybody to a man was like make the homies laugh

so yeah same sort of thing I'll make her laugh you can fuck her whatever I get mine you get yours fuck her hard

fuck her destroy her pussy dude but so that's part of it too if your girl brings you to a show Fuck her hard. Destroy her pussy, dude. So that's part of it, too. If your girl brings you to a show, and you know the kind of shit that we're saying on air, let alone at the show, where it's just like, I don't know, me and Feidelberg are talking about fucking double teaming a porn star, and he's just like, so this is what we're doing. This is what you love. It's way worse than finding out your girlfriend likes a porn that's just like, so this is what we're doing. This is what you love. It's way worse than finding out your girlfriend likes a porn that's just completely different than you.

Yeah, it is. Oh, wait, this is what you watch? This is what makes you laugh. This is what, I don't know, somewhat attracts you, whatever you want to call it. When I was there, you guys played a video of Ari taking a shit? That was not our idea. Ari took the shit and he played it. You showed it.

You hit the play button. I still have not seen that video. That didn't our idea. Ari took the shit and he played it. You showed it. You hit the play button. I did not look. I still have not seen that video. That didn't go well. That was a misfire. I would have laughed, but it really shocked me. It was. It was too much.

It was too much. It was one of those things where we try to say, let's do some shit that we can't do ordinarily. And I guess in that case, literally. And I, yeah, we went too far. I was thinking, people know Ari, and they'll go, oh, my God. And they went, like, oh, my God. I don't think, have we ever done something where we, like, I guess the Philly thing was probably the worst. But it was the end, so it was, like, over.

Did we, like, have we ever we ever like lost a crowd and been like oh fuck not that I recall you have you thought has there been any moments like where you guys were like backstage

like oh no they're bombing no it was only cause you guys were always like yo that was amazing I'm like I think you're all lying yeah yeah that was yeah they were like

holy shit we are one of one show we had a a down time where uh we did Anus Jeopardy. And so it was just like all these niche jokes. Oh, sorry to interrupt. We did do that.

That sucked. That was Philly too. We did – Philly show was tough. Philly show. The first one. We were trying shit. We were like –

Yeah. I was thinking – That was when we revamped the whole show because afterwards we were like, why didn't you just do the show? Yeah. They said, we just want to see your podcast. And I was like, you paid money and you came out and we're just gonna talk and they were like yeah because we did a we tried to have like two pairs from the audience do i think like thousand dollar pyramid sort of thing yeah and it was like they're describing

philly stuff but they sucked at it and it it bombed. In theory, it's fun. The guy we pulled up on stage to do it didn't get a single one right. And then it's like, what do we do now? This guy hasn't seen the show. Because they were pretty easy. It was about you guys? Yeah.

One was just like, what's the B stand for in KB? He was like, yeah, pass. That is always the danger of like, we also want to give the mic, pass the mic around and you can ask questions. Yeah. And they either stink at it or they don't want to do it. Yeah.

It's like, oh, okay. This couch sucks, right? I feel like both of us are always. I'm always sitting like this. I start sitting out like this and then I i don't know how it happens but all of a sudden oh yeah yeah i do that and then i'm always like this adjusting and it's just like maybe it's not the couch maybe it's me but boy it's yeah i get like

this my dad we have a meeting today uh for our studio in chicago and the first one went very badly did it how so well we always make fun of bethany hamilton the surfer that got her arm bit off sure and so as one does they were like what kind of ideas do you want for the studio and we were like well we like really like the industrial look and and like you know like maybe like some like like exposed brick and like you know like a warehouse kind of look i think that'll be cool and they're like okay and they're like well what do you talk about on the show fuck it's like well we talk we talk about Bethany Hamilton a lot. You know, surfer.

She got her arm bit off by a bull shark. You know, stuff like that. And they're like, okay, so like an industrial beach. And we're like, huh? Yeah. And so they're making us an industrial beach set. What does that even mean? Dude, it's the ugliest thing you'd ever see.

It's like a bunch of like rusted walls and then like a surfboard and then like sand and a palm tree. It's like, yeah, it's industrial beach all right. And that's – See, but that is – like that's hilarious. Yeah, I guess. Like you can have guests and be like, well, yeah, it's industrial beach themed. It's going to be tough to look at. It's going to be tough to look at.

I can't believe people care about what the podcast looks like. I know. It feels so lame. Like we were like 70s basement and then we saw a graphic and we're like, cool, good. Cool. And then we got it and we're like, eh, we don't really like it. And then they're like, well, what do you want then? And it's like, okay, well, now I have to think about it again?

I don't know what, but it's like, I don't know. It's like finding a girl or something. You just know when you know. Yeah. So I think we're just going to throw a wrench in. We're going to scrap Industrial Beach, and we just want everything to be the same shade of brown. Just the entire room.

You can't see where the chairs are. That looks like the, remember that game we used to play? You thought it was the ball back and forth? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 3D Pong? That's exactly what that looks like. Yeah.

That's great. But that fit, like, that's perfect for you this looks cool don't get used to it what are you going to do? you're tearing it down you just come back to the other room? I think what we're going to do should we talk about it or not?

sure we had an idea to uh put up like a black wall who hangs a skateboard that way the graphics on the other side uh well so that was from our amsterdam trip oh okay so the the stickers on it are actually kind of the point that that's i apologize yeah also the other side sucks okay uh so that was a store i went to in amsterdam and if you spent over like 200 they gave you a free one of a kind one out of a hundred designed by this skateboard yeah guy yeah artist and all of them were like cool spray painted but that one was like he must have just like spray painted all of them yeah and that one just got like a single stroke it is one of a kind but one was like he must have just like spray painted all of them and that one just got like

a single stroke it is one of a kind but I was like that one kind of stinks but that was one so I had all the people from Amsterdam sign it and yeah that's why so fuck you but we were thinking about putting up some like they make

like a black paint that almost is like a chalkboard oh yeah yeah so you can draw on it and we were gonna put you know make like a black paint that almost is like a chalkboard oh yeah yeah so you can draw on it and we were gonna put you know maybe like a chalk design on it but also have everybody on the show write down one thing that they hate about the internet or that the internet has ruined yeah something like that and so that it builds and it is obviously one of a kind there's no other comparison that would look really cool as time passes as well. I'm thinking, yeah, I hope so. It's one of those things that we had another idea similar to that,

and I was like, that sounds good in theory, but maybe it ends up looking like shit. But I think if we do this the right way, it'll look cool. Yeah. And then it's like, you know. Nobody's doing industrial beach. No one's doing industrial beach. You take it.

Come on, man, take it. I'm enticed. I am enticed. The industrial beach. You take it. Honestly. Come on, man. Take it. I'm enticed. I am enticed. The industrial beach podcast. People already have, are already confused about what KFC radio is. If we tell them

it's industrial beach, heads will explode. You know, it's kind of like the vibe of an industrial beach. You know, power plants,

surfing. Have you ever been to the beach? And do you know about the industrial revolution? Put us together. It's like a giant iron pore. So when is the move?

I don't know yet. Still up in the air? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I'd like one more summer in New York. That's crazy because summertime in Chicago. Summertime shy. Summertime city.

I'm going to do one more summer in New York everybody else is having to like buy a house I'm just going to rent a place so you know I'll probably decide like the week before everyone's going to

and they're buying a house oh dude I actually was with so actually this is very funny I was with on Friday I was with

PFT and Hank and Rudy and a couple other people and we were out to drinks and this wasn't the focal point of the conversation but I think because I was with PFT and Hank and Rudy and a couple other people, and we were out to drinks. And this wasn't the focal point of the conversation, but I think because it just came up at a moment.

And Hank and PFT were talking about their places and whatever, having a good time. We were there for a while. We ordered some food. Drinks were flowing, blah, blah, blah. The bill came out, and it was zero. And we were all like, day in the life, fellas. That's how it is.

And we're getting ready to leave. And they're like, we just gave you guys the wrong check. No! There you go. This is what it's like being famous, boys. There you go. That's fucking hilarious. That'll cut you down real quick

that'll pop that balloon burst that bubble real quick that day in the life man you know how it is girl everywhere I go shit's on the house oh you pay for things it was like

we looked at the check it it was like truffle. It was a bunch of shit we did not get. If we had looked even a little bit, we would have realized it was the wrong check. You went right to the price. So what do you think is the long-term dream of yours? If you could have your career go exactly how you want it to go, where would you be in 20 years? I'm pretty content now.

If I could just plateau. I'm not joking. I'm pretty safe in that minute and range of podcasts. If I could get back on Rediscovering America with Mincy, that would be pretty ideal. I want to start doing longer-form stuff this summer. I'm doingiscovering America with Mincy. That would be pretty ideal. I want to start doing longer form stuff this summer. I'm doing a documentary that will take up a lot of time. Okay.

That got okayed. Funny documentary? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very, very – it's going to be a very serious tone over a very ridiculous subject matter. Okay. And I want to start doing – Would you ever just write like TV? That is the dream

I would guess that would be your dream I think my humor lends itself a lot towards like Adult Swim type stuff kind of like cartoon have you ever, do you have like a pilot or a show that you ever thought of? I have a theme or a plot or whatever yeah so I have a couple that I've started

like I'm also big into romantic comedies. And I started writing when... I started tweeting and getting popular-ish on Twitter. Like at the tail end when there were Twitter personalities. Good old days. My friends were like, hey, that's pretty funny. I'm a best man. I was writing best man speeches for like $200 a pop.

Really? Yeah. That's a good romantic comedy. Yeah, exactly. So I started writing about my experiences with that. And then you fall in love with one of the brides. i started writing about my experiences with that and like and then you fall in love like i started writing for my friends and then i started they told people and i started writing for people i don't know so i'd go meet these guys in bars like best mans in bars and i did this for real yeah and so like he would tell me about his brother that's getting married and i'd write the speech he'd record it and like send it to me and he'd be

like thanks man that was the best part of the night and so it's just like I'm writing some things along the lines of that like I think it's a pretty good basis for like a rom-com yeah um because I like I wrote a lot of roasts for the groom that I had never met so I've probably done like 15 best man speeches um this is real right I think it seems like my first time hearing it that is that's cool and that would be a very... It's such an easy tie-in where it's like you write for a douchebag. You find out the groom and the bride

actually fell in love with the best man. But I'm trying to not follow that trope. Maybe you realize that you're romanticizing something and she's like, wait, she does love this dude. What the fuck am I thinking? I don't have the romance part down at all. But I think just a premise like that is pretty good. And I was doing it.

Meeting these guys in bars was cool in a straight way. You should definitely do that. Yeah. Or even do a content series. So I don't even really know how to write, like, for, like, screens.

So I'm writing it as if it's, like... Yeah, that's a whole different animal. I'm writing it as if it's, like, a book. Yeah. Well, that's why they do, like, adapted screenplays and shit, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's, like,

find the person who does know how to do that. And I've been doing that a lot of evenings, actually. Oh. That is the most... I think the hardest part. Like, if you have the talent,

obviously, that's the hardest part. Like if you have the talent, obviously that's the hardest part, but like carving out time to write a standup act or write a pilot or write a book or whatever. I mean, we've talked about a book for a thousand years and I think if we ever did do it, it would actually go quickly and it would be awesome. And it would,

I think crush, but it's just like, okay, blank page, like chapter one, go when you have a job, right? Yeah.

Like there's no advance to sit around for six months and I want to do just that. And at least if you put out a podcast or like that episode sucked next week, this is like, Oh, this is 250 pages. Yeah.

What, what do you do? Right. And I know about myself, like I would, I would, it would probably be way more than that. I would probably have too much.

And the editors would have to chop it down. I mean, I remember even when, when me and we were doing that, the rap battle with Dave and the guy who was helping me produce it was like, okay, so you write like 16 bars, which is basically like four like rhymes and like,

that's it. And I was like, Oh no, no, no, I have a lot to say. And so I wrote like two, two like full verses and he was like okay cool i think that

worked well but the point being that a lot of the formulaic shit is like i don't think i'd be like no no we have to do a chapter on this and a chapter on that we have to talk about this thing and that thing whereas the editors would be like just talk about like the three big things and you're done so i feel like if i'm gonna do it i have to do it right or at least how I feel you have to be right, all that shit. Right. But I don't know, man. That sounds – that's a very good premise for whatever it may be, a book, a movie, an episode, a pilot. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just doing it to do it because I thought it was a unique experience. Yeah.

And it was this small town writing best man speeches for like yokels. Did you ever – it is a a there's a little hitch into it like a little little hitch ask where oh yeah very much have you ever denied a uh a person no yeah i need my money yeah no there is a uh a certain uh wedding ringer as well which is i've watched recently and it was that he's a guest he he is a best man for hire oh cool that is Kevin Hart there's a million it's probably already been done

no no no a million movies are similar what would you call it call it hate speech hate speech I love it yeah hate speech is just like Nick on the cover with a swastika Speech. I love it. Yeah. Hate speech. Just like Nick on the cover with a swastika.

I have a tattoo that looks a lot like a swastika. Do you really? Which one? I got the very minimal map of Pokemon Red. Oh yeah, I was there that night. You were there when I got it. Horrible decision. I don't think anyone was remotely sober. No, when I wear shorts, the only part peeking out is just a swastika. I got a horrible decision. I don't think anyone was remotely sober.

No. When I wear shorts, the only part peeking out is just a swastika. It sucks. I drew it myself. Pokemon Red is a person or a man? No, no. It's the game.

Oh, my God. There's a lot more to it. Heavy swastika. I don't think I've ever seen it just like that. When I'm wearing shorts, that's all you see. Like JNCO shorts. Yeah, what a big mistake, huh? You need to either wear those chubs or whatever. Feidelberg didn't stop me.

Heavy swastika. You got it this summer, too. Weren't you wearing shorts? Yeah. I walked out of there. I looked down. I was like, what? But it goes, like like all the way up.

You see this Pokemon red map? It means not fucking welcome. Stay out of Kanto. I don't think, I don't know if this is is ever this phrase has ever been uttered ever but the accidental swastika is a thing I a beauty it's amazing

god damn it yeah god damn it I've got an accidental swastika yeah you won't fuck I'm so amped up that was like the first time we chilled I was trying to impress you

we'd just gone to the Harry Potter bar. I don't think it gets much better than that. We'll end on this last one. That was great, man. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. I thought you were, like, either exaggerating or joking. Nope.

See you, boys. Later. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.