KFC Radio - Nicky Smokes Finds Himself In Hot Water + Luke Touma & Christophe Jean Interview

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:16 Feits was hangry 08:15 Adderall 13:07 Walton Goggins and White Lotus 17:28 Love is Blind Reunion Recap 22:30 Is Dating actully "a boodbath" right now? ...31:04 KFC's bday gift from Shea 38:49 Nicky Smokes, Annika, Ella Griff Drama 42:28 Sharing locations is insane 55:10 Brad Marchand got traded 01:02:23 Jackie has another WILD dating story 01:18:16 Video Voicemails 01:45:04 Interview: Luke Touma & Christophe Jean of Rough Week 02:36:34 Kanye Responding to Dave Portnoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYm8TsweM7w +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Evan Williams: Visit https://EvanWilliams.com to find a bottle near you. Green Chef: Go to https://GreenChef.com/kfcfree and use code kfcfree to get started with FREE Salads for two months plus 50% off your first box Netflix: Watch Love is Blind Season 8, now playing only on Netflix and don’t miss the reunion this Sunday, March 9th at 6pm PT/9pm ET Hull: Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift with code KFC15 at https://huel.com/KFC15 (Minimum $75 purchase) Jackpocket: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, in NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPE-N-Y. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Jackpocket is not affiliated with any State Lottery. Void where prohibited. 1 per new customer. Enter promo code at checkout for $2 non-withdrawable credit. See terms at jackpocket dot com slash tos slash free slash ticket slash promo. Sponsored by Jackpocket. Based on 2024 iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Man, I really like, one or two times it maybe could have gotten away with. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Yo, food is crazy. Food is crazy. Shout out food. Dude, 20 minutes ago, I was
Starting point is 00:00:37 murderous. Yeah, you needed food. I got plants tonight. Nobody gets hangry like your boy. Have I ever seen you hangry? I get plants tonight. Nobody gets hangry like your boy. I've never seen you hangry. I get like angry. You get like hunger tonic. You get like catatonic when you're hungry. I shut down.
Starting point is 00:00:54 I'm much shorter. I don't get like mad, but I'm definitely shorter with people. And I was just like from this morning, I was just like in a bad, I just like had a bad customer. I mean, he's a big baby. Yeah, he's a big baby.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Where it's like, if you don't feed your baby and give him a nap, he gets angry. I remember when I did the blog about ways I know I'm old now. And one was like, first of all, I have such a window of usefulness. If you don't catch me from 11 to 1, catch me tomorrow. My other thing I was going to say about you is we don't even fucking approach it now, but there was a time where I'd be like, 5 o'clock, no shot. As you start to hit 5 o'clock with John, no, no, no. It's over.
Starting point is 00:01:37 And that was back when we were doing a lot, so we had been recording since 12, so it was a lot. But it was more like if the evening hits and you're still working with john like unless we're working at night but if you're doing like a shoot on out of order or something but if it starts in the day and ends at five your boy is shacked out yeah you better feed me i'm like a troll right you better feed me you want me here from nine to five like a maniac you better feed me it is The workday is a lot. Like who was it? Was it Henry Ford? Doesn't he get credited with like the workday for some reason?
Starting point is 00:02:10 Something like that, right? Something about the industrial revolution, whatever, that started the nine to five. It's a lot. Five out of seven days, eight hours of like the 12 to 16, 16 to 18 that you're like out there. It's a lot. You have it right with the siesta though. Yeah, they do. Yeah, but siesta is a fucking nightmare
Starting point is 00:02:29 if you're not tired. Yeah. Because then it's like, all I want to do is like get a drink or go to the, get food. I can't because I don't want to fucking sleep. But even then it's like, the slump at 3 p.m.,
Starting point is 00:02:37 nothing's going, I'm not doing anything then anyway. But it's like, again, things may have changed. When I did my semester abroad over there, I was like, a lot of days I was happy. semester abroad over there i was like a lot of days i was happy a lot of days i was like fuck yeah nap time and then there were days when i didn't want to nap and like but it kind of forces you nothing was open does it force you to like do
Starting point is 00:02:54 nothing yeah but like again like it's a semester so i didn't have time to completely adapt to the culture but i was like i don't want to nap at a Tuesday at 2pm. I want to go do something. My argument would be Spain. Spain does this? Yes. Cut all the siestas. Give me a three-day weekend every weekend. Add up two hours a day, four days a week. That's an eight-hour workday.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Let me just work Monday to Thursday. I believe I remember hearing back when the European Union was first formed, they had to give a warning to Spain. You guys got to get to fucking together yeah like we can't close the stock market for two hours a day i mean i i you know what's a real shame i think that we as a people they gave us an inch and we took a mile with working from home yes and i think had people just been cool and not abused it i think we would have just been that way forever and now i think the pendulum is swinging back because everyone's
Starting point is 00:03:49 being an asshole yeah and it's very obvious and you're like flaunting it in people's faces because what you just said is true like if i'm not no one's actually doing work then you shouldn't have to like you should come to work for like three hours and you work for three hours because you can pretty much get any job done except for the really hard ones that's the regular job you can do three hours waiting for your other shit to happen like wait for the email to come waiting for the phone to ring like you can just like show up and all your work is ready to be done you can be done here in two hours dude that was that was deloitte that was deloitte that's why i was able to do barstool and deloitte at the same time is because the work I was doing was very, it was not
Starting point is 00:04:25 like, it was like when you get it, you do your work and then when it's done, it's done. So most of the time it would get arrive on time and there would be days, if not weeks, sometimes it was like, I'm waiting for this thing. I was supposed to get it on Monday. It's Thursday and it has not come yet. That's four days. I just sit around and I'll just start blogging. Other people would like help out the other work.
Starting point is 00:04:44 I was like, I'm'm gonna write my blogs but it was it was uh a pain in the ass sometimes but for the most part the idea of do like get your work do your work was amazing like no no waiting around like facetime is great the work from home stuff is funny because it's people like i can't believe they're making us go back to work and like well yeah we've spent three years posting videos by the pool being like working that's what i'm saying right here when crazy viral when it first came out and people now this is back in 2022 people now are blamed like these girls ruined what did she say just like yeah just like this is our day as a product manager and like yeah you've got your fucking computer out and you're probably sending an email and it's probably just as effective as someone
Starting point is 00:05:24 sitting in a cube but you look like an asshole yeah and you make your company look like an asshole and you make your boss go fuck this because the truth is most of these jobs you can do from your couch in your pajamas but when you like say that and show that and flaunt that people go what am i paying you for you know i like won't work remotely like like i won't it's obviously a detriment to myself but like if if it takes too many emails i'm like i'm not doing it or if it takes too many like phone like i i much prefer to be in the office i'll walk to your desk we'll talk real quick and then i'm done yeah i won't like if we have to exchange over three texts but it's also it's so different here where it's like aside aside from my commute.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Commuting sucks always. But like I like to be here to do work. For sure. Whereas other places it's like – And there is the difference between like this is creative and I think – Brainstorming together. Talk and be like, oh, wait. That's a good idea. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Versus like if you're doing Excel spreadsheets or something like that. Bro, that shit you really can do from home. It's just a matter – the other thing though is you just don't. Yeah. Like when I was writing blogs from home, I still – I wanted to write blogs. I liked writing blogs. So whether I was here, there, or on the fucking moon, I was going to write the blog. When I am sitting at home, if I'm in my cube, I'm like, let me do this work so I can get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:06:41 When I'm already home, I'm like, I'll do it later. You know, I mean, it's, it's, if you try to argue that you're working from home, like just as at the highest level, like, unless you do something that I don't understand, but like the jobs I understand, which is this job,
Starting point is 00:06:58 you can't do it. You can't do it. Yeah. And again, if you, if you are just don't be a fucking, just be cool. Cause most people are like, like at barstool, at least like, just don't be a fucking – just be cool. Because most people are like – at Barstool at least.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I think of most people – this is going to sound crazy – as like adults in the sense that if you have something to do and you think you can do it from home, go do it from home. Totally. The fuck does anyone care? But most of the stuff you have to do here. Right, right, right. They should have just in general like told us that Adderall is taking your vitamins. And then if they want a workhorse, not a barstool, just
Starting point is 00:07:30 the government. They should have poisoned us. They should have told us that. Then we just all get so much work done. Is that not a great idea? They should have put in the COVID vaccine. Just like a country of Adderall. Maybe that's what like china is
Starting point is 00:07:46 i've never done adderall that's how you've never done adderall dude it's so good you have to get i took it the other day i get like so much shit done like i remember dave telling me that when i didn't drink coffee he was like i almost think of this as like like you're not working as hard as you could and then and then when remember when when Dave did one of my favorite stories. Remember at the Super Bowl house when he was doing some Adderall? And one of the sales girls was like, can you not do that like right in front of me? And he was like, this is what this company runs on.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I pay your fucking salary because of this. I have this thing in my Adderall before, and it's like the same one that I had from high school. And so like some of them don't work anymore. Some of them do. So it's kind of like a rush. Wait, like literally the same pills from like six years ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:36 But some of them like work like turbo or whatever. What? It was an old joke? Fair, fair, fair. Wait okay so some of them are turbo like yeah some of them are like so it's like whatever i take one i go if god wants me to get work done today he's gonna give me a turbo and then and then you guys take adderall and it's just like fucking leo and jonah hill taking lewis jackie texted like seven hours later. She just went, turbo? It's like, turbo. I love that.
Starting point is 00:09:07 If it wasn't about illicit drug use, I would put it on a t-shirt or something. Turbo. Dude, deep. And literally, sometimes you could, like, Pav's already, like, he doesn't eat at all. He already, like, works like crazy. But, like, you can, I can just hear when he has a turbo on the keyboard. It's fucking crazy. That's really funny.
Starting point is 00:09:24 No, I've never, I've never done it for work or play it's not i i used to do it in like college i think i well i missed that that was not a thing for my like generation like nobody i knew had a prescription i would i had a prescription i would i it was like it was an error like you walk into the doctor and was that you need one probably oh no i hated it i would do it as a drug but i wouldn't do it like to start i would that was always my thing is like if i'm doing drugs it's not to do work or school work come on yeah no you could do adderall right but like it would it just did not it did not like jive with my body like i would get so like not angry but just like i'd jaw so hard
Starting point is 00:10:03 it would have the same effects as cocaine it would just have a lot all of that sounds worse effects I think doing Adderall and partying is like the worst thing you could probably do yeah I to me like I always loved that like my body would be like your shit face and it's time to shut it down yeah if I if I did shit to keep going through that like like, I don't know. Yeah, that was the body was starting to retire, and you'd be like, call a guy? Yeah. It's 1130.
Starting point is 00:10:33 We can do one of two things right now. Were you saying that when you got the prescription, it's like you literally just have to go in and be like, sorry, what did you say? Yeah, here's a monthly prescription. I don't even remember what i did but like it it was it was yeah it was it was nothing yeah nothing crazy i mean it was like they were like 10 milligram like the little blues but that's what i wanted at the time too anyway i just wanted shit to chop up well i just wanted shit to smell. You know what I'm saying? Such a dickhead. I remember my psychiatrist was like, yeah, I kind of feel like you have a processing problem,
Starting point is 00:11:12 but I don't know for sure. And I was like, that's your fucking job. That's your one literal job. She's like, well, just call ADHD. Because she's fucking non-natural herself. I got her. Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, okay. But what I was saying.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Food. Is. Yeah. In that blog, I remember writing every three hours I get in a really bad mood and I don't know why. And then I eat something. I go, that's what it was. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And you forget. Like, dude, this morning. Every time. I'm walking to the fucking mini golf thing. Walking there. I was mean mugging motherfuckers to the point where i went like like honestly god before because i live on that same street that the putter is on so i was just walking down it before i crossed one street i went oh you're being an asshole today i hadn't actually done anything but they're just thoughts i had and i, oh, you're an asshole today. I still don't eat.
Starting point is 00:12:07 I mean, I barely ate at Puttery. And I'm not going to eat until we finish today. I usually arrive home. And then I'm like, oh, I got to get out. I don't want to hit traffic. I'll usually arrive home between four and six starving, in pain. It's just the stupidest way to live. Because then you eat poorly because you're like, whatever. You know what I mean? You binge. And then I'm like, well, I just the stupidest way to live because then you eat poorly because
Starting point is 00:12:25 you're like whatever you know what i mean you binge and then i'm like well i just ate right before dinner and then i have a second dinner and i'm like if i just had meals like a fucking adult none of this would happen if i if i didn't eat till 4 p.m oh you would i think yeah you would shoot the place out for sure like i don't i don't need till four like every single day yeah i don't know how you do that i don't do breakfast and then we're working through lunch that's crazy it's funny it's like cute when like a girl gets angry but it's like your giant baby if a guy gets angry it's so crazy by the way it's not cute when a girl gets angry you think it is it's fucking horrendous it's like eat a muffin and shut the fuck up
Starting point is 00:13:02 god damn it that's what that's what it's like being on your period. You're like, why do I hate every single man that looks at me right now? You forget every single time. My pussy's bleeding. My vagina is shedding. Speaking of, I don't know, you said man. And I had one of my things last night, one of the least manly things I've ever done. I read it.
Starting point is 00:13:25 So I was on Instagram, and I actually always get got. Instagram, I just blindly scroll. It's like complete zone out, except I don't know. I have something with reading, except when they advertise the threads. I'm always like, oh, that's an interesting thread.
Starting point is 00:13:38 They've started that recently, right? And I click on it every time. Because it's getting me as well. That gets me so good. And every time I'm like, oh. And so I clicked on it, and. Because that's – it's getting me as well. That gets me so – and every time I'm like, oh. And so I clicked on it. And I read this really long thread last night about men and how we want to be the Goggins type. And it's all this stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:54 And like, honestly, guys, it was probably 18 threads in a row. And I read the whole thing thinking we were talking about Walton Goggins. And I went, that's the least manly thing you can do. And I was like – That that is you're so gay dude because I remember I started the White Lotus and I'm caught up on season 3 and so like I guess it was just in my head and I was like wow
Starting point is 00:14:15 I'm not picking up on this from his character what you thought it was about being like a like you know a thespian in touch with your like your emotions I thought it was about Walton Goggins' character got it because that actually would like i could see that like he's like a little bro he's gruff and he's i love that character he's awesome that's the highlight for me by far do you watch my life i want to but i can't figure out how to get into fucking hbo what are you talking about everything everybody's getting privy to family accounts and
Starting point is 00:14:43 now it's like i have to get my own account. I'm like, be a big girl. I'm going to be a big girl. I'm going to be a little dinky girl who can't pay for child education. I want to watch HBO, but my daddy can't pay. I think that that show is, I think he is by far the most intriguing part of that show. I agree.
Starting point is 00:15:03 So to be forthright about something, I haven't seen the first two seasons. So I'm really enjoying this season. It doesn't really matter, I don't think. There's one storyline, and that's it. I think people who I know who have watched all three seem to say this is their least favorite by far. Yes, people are saying that.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Because I haven't seen those, maybe this is better to me. But I'm really enjoying it. I was saying to the group earlier that since I'm trying to do television content, when I'm watching with that intent, I kind of suspend my own judgment. I'm watching it to figure things out, theories, symbolism, thoughts. So I have not been viewing it like that, good, bad, better, worse. I've just been watching it yeah which is actually kind of cool that's kind of how I watch I'm just like tell me what you want to tell me
Starting point is 00:15:48 I almost when I'm just watching for entertainment I do the opposite I'm more judgmental which is I guess backwards but yeah I'm kind of like I'm here for entertainment make it count versus like if I'm going to write a blog do a recap video I can talk about any I can talk about garbage and like but like find
Starting point is 00:16:04 an angle right so it makes sense to me but i i um i don't know i i think i like this one i think it's i think it's all same as the first two and i actually think it's a little less ridiculous like like season when the guy was like taking a shit in the box and all that it got a little crazy in the first season so this one's a little more normal it's a weird show because you actually said it best today that it's it's almost scripted reality tv yeah you're watching people live and there's a little bit ridiculousness there's a murder there's a girl getting bit by a snake there's silly shit going on but for the most part it's like here is a family that has like these secrets here is a couple that is on the rocks here is a guy who's
Starting point is 00:16:45 running from you know it's just you're just watching people live and because i think the paradise aspect of it i feel like i'm watching a bravo show but with fake people which is better for me because they don't disgust me but you know what's funny these people disgust me really yes even i know they're fictional but like that's it's the thing. Because they're fictional, I have such an... Oh, I mean, don't get me wrong. Saxon Branleth, he's detestable. He's detestable. He is the worst character I've ever watched. But you at least know he's not real.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Right. When I'm watching reality TV, I'm like, oh my God, these are real fucking people. This is who you are. Yeah. Who I like spend time on. See, that's why I'm like, that's art. Yeah. Your personality really is that.
Starting point is 00:17:21 And that's real. Yeah. You know? See, I'm the exact opposite. And I think I've accepted that, and I've been much happier since is that. And that's real. See, I'm the exact opposite. And I think I've accepted that, and I've been much happier since accepting that. It's like, oh, okay. I like your thing.
Starting point is 00:17:31 I don't like everything. I don't dislike it. I don't believe it shouldn't exist. It's just like, I don't know. It's just not really my thing. Hey, KFC Radio listeners, it is early March, and you know what that means. It means my nights usually involve the couch,
Starting point is 00:17:44 college hoops, and Evan Williams bourbon. As you know what that means. It means my nights usually involve the couch, college hoops, and Evan Williams bourbon. As you know, Evan Williams bourbon is game day's number one pour. For a long day at the office, there is no better way to unwind. Flipping on a big rivalry game I actually watched. I've been riding with Dan since pick 15, 14, I forget. So it's not that long. But I was watching Alabama-Kentucky, I think, the other day. Sweating that one out.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Yep. Evan Williams, though. Flipping on a big rivalry game and pouring a glass on the rocks. It is smooth, rich, and always easy to enjoy. Whether you prefer a pregame pour or a post-win nightcap, the best game day moments can be paired with Evan Williams. Make Evan Williams part of your game day. Trust us, you won't be disappointed. Visit Evan Williams part of your game day. Trust us.
Starting point is 00:18:25 You won't be disappointed. Visit EvanWilliams.com to find a bottle near you. Evan Williams, Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. Bardstown, Kentucky 43% to 45% alcohol. Bro, I was watching the Love is Blind reunion last night, which usually is a dud, but last night it was spicy. I got to show you this guy. This guy got a tattoo.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Oh, I saw this. Did you see this? I saw this did you see this I saw this because I have to watch one minute man's now because they're good what did you think
Starting point is 00:18:50 of this tattoo crazy if a guy okay okay what's the tattoo so he goes this guy goes I did get a tattoo
Starting point is 00:18:56 of Taylor this is the one couple Taylor Swift no no no this is the girl's name there's one couple wait don't click it yet there's one couple
Starting point is 00:19:02 that made it that's it usually there's like three or four that get married whatever this is the only couple that made it. That's it. Usually there's like three or four that get married, whatever. This is the only couple that made it. And I think there was something about a tattoo. And he's like, I didn't get that one, but I did get a tattoo of Taylor. Her eyes are so beautiful.
Starting point is 00:19:14 I got a tattoo of her eyes. What would you think a tattoo of someone's eyes would be like? Well, I'd imagine their eyes. Yeah. But like how? Like I was thinking like you know you lob me on like that i'll hit a 500
Starting point is 00:19:36 i was picturing he's like i got it on my chest i'm thinking like little like girly dainty eyes you know just like beautiful like two little eyes right this is what this fella did pull this up it's almost unconscionable to do this like i can't even imagine this girl being be look at this look oh my god bro that's like a one of the old t-shirts we used to sell like yeah just a square it would just say it would just be a picture of a thing with a border. Here's a picture we stole. Screenshot from a movie with a border around it. That's wild.
Starting point is 00:20:13 I mean, that's crazy, right? Like, if a guy did that for you, you would be like, this is disgusting, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get rid of that. It's also like the bridge of her nose. You know what it looks like? It looks like when you're at a secret club and you're like, what's the password? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get rid of that. It's also like the bridge of her nose. You know what it looks like? It looks like when you're at a secret club and you're like, what's the password? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:30 But like crazy to include the bridge of the nose and the eyebrows and the – you know, you just do like two little eyes. Yeah. Crazy move. Weird spot on the body too. And by the way, when he described it, he goes i got taylor's eyes they're the most beautiful eyes they're very unique they're a little bit squinty it's not a lazy eye it's not a lazy eye it's like no one was saying that dude clearly you think your girl has lazy eyes and this was like the couple that made it and i was like you are like the worst the rest of it
Starting point is 00:21:01 was super uncomfortable not even over his heart which weirds me out. Yeah, yeah. It's over his right chest. Collarbone almost, yeah. Well, no, your right is your... He did it over his... No, that is his heart. That's over his heart? No, I don't think so, because he's facing this way, so it's over... I think it's over here. It's over the other side. I feel like we should be seeing his nipple in that
Starting point is 00:21:20 section of the... Yeah, it's not his heart. That's his right side. He's looking this way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your right hand. Yeah, your right side. Yes looking this way oh yeah yeah yeah your right hand yeah your right side yes yes yeah i was about to make fun of you guys were being dumb i'm the idiot um and then the rest was uh just i i can't imagine people keep going on the show i mean they will because it's so popular but it's just it's just a bloodbath every time it's just guys being led to slaughter why just because girls are you know it, it obviously doesn't work out. And it's like a bunch of girls came out and were like, this guy fucked me.
Starting point is 00:21:52 And he's like, yeah, I fucked everyone in Minneapolis. What do you want me to do? That's basically how all these go. And even the couple that I thought was the cutesy couple were at each other's fucking throats. This is a massacre dude but why why would you even do that because someone got famous and you're like i've had sex with that person like what yeah well that that you know it sounded this guy you know a couple girls come out it's one thing if like the entire city of minneapolis comes out and says you were a dick a shithead
Starting point is 00:22:20 you probably should wait this guy's the no no he's fine um but you know this girl was like why would a girl do this if you weren't like terrible to her and it's like uh because i like we didn't work out i'm now on television and i'm hooking up with a prettier girl that's what like you're hot i'm good looking i'm getting famous people are talking about me she's mad that i dumped her there's your answer yeah women will do that like a hundred times out of a hundred so you know that that just seems to be the uh are do you do you go on those groups are we dating the same guy no no girls love that every city has like a facebook group called are we dating the same guy and it started out for like uh I'm dating this guy he's kind of like giving me weird vibes like have any of you dated him or
Starting point is 00:23:04 are you currently dating him? Like he's lying to me. And then that just spiraled into like just gossiping about men and the whole, everyone in every city. And it's just the most toxic thing in the world. I wouldn't want to know. I feel like I have a pretty good, I get,
Starting point is 00:23:19 I'm throwing stones from the glass house, but like if you're even questioning it, wouldn't you just be like, well, I guess this is like, you would think that, right? I mean, to me, to me, I'm throwing stones from a glass house, but like, if you're even questioning it, wouldn't you just be like, well, I guess this is like, you would think that, right? I mean,
Starting point is 00:23:28 to me, to me, I'm always like, if you are exclusive, then you have like a right to ask. Like until that moment, you might be fucking other people. You might be hooking up.
Starting point is 00:23:35 You might have, you know, like until you say we are no longer hooking up with people. And then if you still have doubts, you probably should just, you know, figure this out. Or, or you're like, yeah, he's cheating on me. Whatever. Like if you're asking, you probably should just you know figure this out or or you're like yeah he's cheating on whatever like if you're asking you have to like go on the if you have to
Starting point is 00:23:49 crowdsource your answers about your relationship you're probably in a bad relationship i always see that like uh when i'm scrolling reddit like they'll have like uh like am i the not am i the asshole like uh aio am i overreacting and it would just be like taxing i'd be like if anyone ever talked to me like this i'd never talk to him again well yeah you know what's funny i i i hear this a lot and maybe you can attest to it like when i was dating like there was like you you would get ghosted or ghost somebody here and there shit would not work out maybe somebody cheats but i don't know for the most part it was like just dating and hooking up and i don't know if if it's gotten
Starting point is 00:24:31 worse for for younger generations or if you guys are being dramatic but all i hear is like it's it's a war zone out there it's like so terrible and i'm like is it that different or i mean it might be the internet and shit like it just gets more i don't know toxic or whatever guys are just fucking like anybody on dating apps and maybe it is that much worse but it seems to be worse the narrative at least yeah i was just like i don't know hooking up trying to find a girlfriend like girls for some reason sleeping with us like i don't know just lowering their standards hooking up with me my friends i don don't know. I feel like in college I thought that, but not now.
Starting point is 00:25:07 In college it was worse or better? Like, in college it was worse. Like, I just felt like it was, like, hard to keep a guy's attention because it was just, like, you go to a party. Like, it's college. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Like, that's what's going to happen. But here it's, like, I don't know. But, like, the second I get, like, a whiff of, like, no, like, I also, like, the second I get a whiff of, like, a guy being, like, uninterested guy being uninterested, I'm out. So I don't even give them the chance. That's healthy.
Starting point is 00:25:32 You'll find love that way. I don't even want a hint of getting rejected. That I get, yeah, for sure. I'm going to dump you right away. I could see, though, i've said this a million times i the amount the the volume that you get from dating apps is insane yeah guys fucking five six seven girls a week going on dates seven days a week like it used to be for me like if a pretty girl at the bar was giving me the time of day i would be like i'm gonna go buy her flowers i'm gonna go
Starting point is 00:26:05 take her to dinner i'm gonna like you know it was like you have one shot at this maybe for the next couple weeks and now it's like you know whatever kick you to the curb bitch i got 10 more lined up dude one time it's just like this is so bad uh one one time we had it was like when we had like a shore house kind of deal and uh it was a friend of a friend it wasn't really a kid like in our circle he actually went to the rival high school and all this stuff but he like we knew him just from like being around newport kind of deal yep and he had a date planned with a girl who was like in our friend circle and he went to pick her up for the date, and she wasn't home. And her roommate said she's at their apartment. And so he came to the door in a blazer with flowers to pick her up.
Starting point is 00:26:53 That's crazy. She obviously fucked one of our friends that night before. And she was like, let me just grab my sundress. I'll meet you outside. And I was like, oh, my God. This is the worst thing i've ever had to see in my life and i don't think he even put together yeah and like it wasn't like she wasn't like being like uh she wasn't like getting a free meal like she was being nice
Starting point is 00:27:15 because he asked her out yeah he was kind of dorky and she's like yeah but that's what i mean it was like yeah i don't know that girl's getting dicked down by some other guy but yeah i'll go on a date with this guy and he's excited maybe hook up maybe you don't now it seems like I don't know. That girl's getting dicked down by some other guy. But, yeah, I'll go on a date with this guy. And he's excited. Maybe you hook up. Maybe you don't. Now it seems like, I don't know. That's a tough scene. We were all like, it was like they met on like the,
Starting point is 00:27:33 it had like a sliding door to the porch. And we were all like in the kitchen just like, I can't see this. I can't hear it. Stop. Dude, I've always thought that's very funny. Like every friend group has this. Pretty much.
Starting point is 00:27:43 And it also makes you realize that whoever you end up with is this version of someone else's friend group where like you know there's a girl in the crew it's like oh we've all fucked that girl yeah and or like she's just you know a guy or girl like this person is despicable and that will be the love of someone's life you know and which is fine totally totally that's that's just the way of the world but it is funny that like there was a girl not to know it but like well that's the thing it's kind of an unspoken thing like there was a girl uh who was like in one of my groups of friends it was like the girl and she ended up finding this guy i think she ended up marrying him we called him the guy with the teeth he just had big teeth he was the guy with the teeth and we were always just like do you think the guy with the teeth. He just had big teeth. He was the guy with the teeth. And we were always just like, do you think the guy with the teeth knows what all happened here?
Starting point is 00:28:27 And I don't think the guy with the teeth knew. And I don't think he wants to know. Nor should you tell him. With a guy, there's the guy who slept with everyone. The girl who takes him in, it's more like endearing for her. Yeah. Like, I remember I was out to eat. Yeah, I think it's like you tamed him almost.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Yeah. Like, I remember I was out to dinner with my buddy and his fiance, and he was that friend. He was... He fucked everything. Like, it was... If John's saying it like that
Starting point is 00:29:07 With his voice going That's his man Was he really hot? No He was just a fucking numbers guy He wasn't ugly But he like He just
Starting point is 00:29:17 He just fucking Pumped numbers And He has Still my favorite Stealing Of all time I've told this before but like i have one
Starting point is 00:29:26 buddy who's like six five like just like looks like the fucking just you know just looks like a guy that in a bar is yeah you know picks up chicks and this buddy is a shorter guy and my buddy was talking to a girl and and he my short friend wedges way between the two of them and he's going he's going look at that look how tall he is everything has been handed to him his whole life he goes me i've had to grind for everything i'll pin your legs your feet to the headboard and fuck you through the wall and and guess what he took that girl home but But his fiance was like, oh, I know all about Brendan. Don't worry. And then she goes, and just so you know, I'm a financial advisor.
Starting point is 00:30:14 He lives with me. Oh, you took in a stray dog. Yeah. I also think that there's kind of, as long as you're somewhat secure with it, I think the goal probably for a girl is like you want a guy who other girls like yeah that's yeah i can't fuck all these girls i am cool i am coveted but i'm turning turning it off yeah that's you know as long as you're like clean yeah like that's kind of the dream right because the guy who is like oh i've never fucked anybody before and i
Starting point is 00:30:44 like worship you. Girls are always like. There's always a dream of like I can change him. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be different for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:51 And when it is different for you, you're like, I did that. Yeah. Because they make it feel as if you are different. Right. And then. Well, there is some level. I mean, if it's like I, you know, get any girl I want and I've decided to now be monogamous for you, there is a level. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 That's, you know, I got that WAP. By the way, I'm going to have a birthday party eventually. I feel like I need to say that because I think people started to think that I was like a total social misfit weirdo. That I did like literally nothing for my 40th birthday. The amount of people that were asking me like, what do you want to do? What do you want to get? And I was like,
Starting point is 00:31:29 like not none of it. I don't want any of this, you know, but I know I have to do something for my 40th birthday. What I wanted to do is have people over my house. My house is not done. So I, rather than do something else I didn't want to do,
Starting point is 00:31:39 I'm just going to have a party. Eventually it'll just be probably for my 41st birthday at this rate, but I am going to do that and i i started to get self-conscious that people thought i'm like some sort of like howard hughes reclusive weirdo that like has no friends or family at 40. have you said that huh i guess you said it in here yeah maybe i didn't like say it publicly or whatever the gifts are unbelievable dude the gifts forget so the the gifts from she Shay were my favorite thing that's maybe ever happened to me as a father so far because that was as much effort as a nine-year-old can put into a gift.
Starting point is 00:32:11 You can't go out and buy things. If you don't know, I made a video of it. It's on my Instagram. She handed me a box, a big box, and it was heavy, and Scotch taped it up like a motherfucker. She said, I taped it up because it wouldn't fit all the stuff. I couldn't close the top. I was like, damn, I got a hole. And it was what?
Starting point is 00:32:31 It was a football from two years ago that we've had in the house forever. Two boxes of jewelry that I bought for her. Two children's books. A toothbrush cover. And a Dance Dad t-shirt. It looks like a strip club t-shirt. It looks, and a Dance Dad t-shirt. It's like a strip club t-shirt. It looks exactly like a strip club t-shirt. It's got like a silhouette of a girl like this.
Starting point is 00:32:54 It looks exactly like a strip club t-shirt. I pulled it out of the box like upside down, and I was like, that's a stripper's t-shirt. Big time, big time. Was it like for her dance company? Yeah, like her dance. Yeah, yeah. I bought that, you know, like some fundraiser or whatever. But she was so proud of it. And then the card was the best part.
Starting point is 00:33:10 The card said, I love you like Travis Loves Taylor. And it said, thank you for doing a lot. Capitalize and underline. Thank you for doing a lot for this 9 to 10-year-old girl. She wrote 9-10. I don't know, something like that. Not in the ballpark you can tell she wants to be 10 but she's not yet you can't say it but i thought that was very cute that she
Starting point is 00:33:29 was like recognizing how much i do for her it was very it was very cute but then like my actual gifts were like i mean i got like a robe these are gifts that i love by the way i got like a like kind of one of these things but it's more like just to wear in the house that I love, and I wear every single night now. So I got a robe and milk. Milk? Milk. Like raw milk or something? I got two glass jars of chocolate milk.
Starting point is 00:34:01 You know when you get milk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? Milkman? The Milkman delivers milk? I got that. It came along. milk and like a like you know when you get like milk like yeah milk man the milk man like delivers yeah i got that it came along like the regular milk came with uh i got like freshly baked cookies and then they were like this is the best chocolate milk like you know in the world and i was like i hate how much i love this like any you know just just milk in a robe yeah milk and a robe. Milk and a robe. What would you get Santa? And the box Shay got me didn't have Santa Claus on it.
Starting point is 00:34:30 I am just turning into Santa. I'm Scott Calvin. Shay, by the way, has – this is – I was thinking that maybe this past year was going to be – I was like, I don't know if Shay will believe in Santa anymore because she's getting on that age. And as we were approaching the Christmas season, she had legitimate concerns that i would become santa claus like scott calvin she was like i don't want you to do that if if if something happens i'm gonna be so legit she was talking like that i was like this is so bizarre to be old enough to have the like vocabulary and the emotions to be like i'm gonna be mad at you if you do that but still be dumb enough to think that's it and i was like i remember that being like nope she still believes we're gonna have to do the whole thing yep we're not even close i might have a
Starting point is 00:35:14 couple more years you meet with her prom day be like don't don't have her home by 10 and if she doesn't believe in santa when she back here. When did you stop believing? Like fifth grade. But I remember. So I say fifth grade too, and it gets that reaction. So I'm like, I must be misremembering. Fourth grade was like the first ticket. But I remember from day one being like, you guys, this is kind of crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:41 What do you mean a man is coming in? That's literally how I feel about pregnant people. I feel like it's like, I'm just'm just like guys what are we talking about and then santa ended up being fake and like i don't know i i remember i feel like my i don't know if it's friend group or neighborhood or whatever did found out late because we didn't have any jewish kids so like no one was spoiling it yeah it's always always a jew max bonds max bonds was the kid in my class he was just like this shit's fake so you're a terrorist yeah you're a fucking terrorist this is the definition of terrorism you are using political powers to try and change the world i i i mean i don't think it was fifth grade for me It was I'll say this I remember I was in a trailer
Starting point is 00:36:29 And I You know I remember like school Like it was like they just like put trailers And I was only in a trailer in second and fifth grade So I guess it could have been second But I remember I was I was in line If it's second you've like innocence lost
Starting point is 00:36:43 You like missed your childhood If it's fifth you're a fucking retard i mean i say that who knows i mean yeah maybe i was like in seventh grade who knows i like i so vividly remember just like standing in a trailer like on the way out to recess and someone just turned around like saying it's not i that i found the gifts that's what happened to me see i i my brother tried to stop me from going into if i had found the gifts because we you do get gifts from your parents at christmas yeah i think they could have spun that but my brother was like trying to run interference and then i was like what's like
Starting point is 00:37:14 get out of the way let me see it and then i put it all together i never i always knew where the gifts were and i just i'd never like i never put together that they said you're really stupid it was like my mom just told us. She's like, if you want to ruin your Christmas, the toys are in the closet in my bedroom. And I'd be like, all right, see you later. And I'd go look in the closet. But you still thought it was Santa?
Starting point is 00:37:35 Yeah, I guess. I don't know if I ever even really believed. You were hungry. You weren't eating. I don't even remember how old I was when I learned about the closet. And I would just check every year. And so I don't know.
Starting point is 00:37:49 I definitely obviously believed in Santa. Fidelberg spent his childhood in the closet. Checks out. I remember finding my parents' sex dice in there once. And I was like, no! Yo, Pauly rolling like 69 and shit. It was everything, dude. Everything.
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Starting point is 00:38:59 We got Barstool drama in the Chicago office. That shit is messy over there, huh? I saw a second of it, and then I turned into Max. And I was like, no, no, no, no. It's like reality. Yo, this is your business. I don't need to be involved in this at all. At all.
Starting point is 00:39:22 I saw Danny Conrad posted a video where the audio was just a song. So I don't know what she was saying. I saw that. But she was, it was like Hitler giving a speaker. I saw that and I was like, I was having like PTSD. I was like, oh my God, I feel so bad for Nikki. Like, run man, run rails. Like as a girl and like Nikki Smoke seems awesome.
Starting point is 00:39:42 And he seems like a good looking guy. But when I heard that he was like put on a pit basically because he like big cat had to tell him that if he like fucks one more girl in the office,
Starting point is 00:39:51 he's thrown out. There's gotta be another guy other than Nikki smoke. No offense to Nikki smoke. It can't only be Nikki smoke.
Starting point is 00:40:01 Rudy, where are you? I don't, I don't know. No, I'll tell you what it is. It's a bunch of guys who are smart enough to not fuck people at work. There's always a couple idiots. I got an email sent to the office. Dude, John,
Starting point is 00:40:15 it was the most it was the most I got a company email sent. A company email. It was like, hey, everybody, don't fuck each other. Like, in parentheses, John. It was like the whole office got it and not one person needed it. It was like, I forget.
Starting point is 00:40:36 This is from Erica. It's like, there are 8 million people in New York City. Stop fucking each other. I mean, Barcelona was crazy are it is just like a lifestyle that you live you're not just fucking a co it's not just a co-worker that's like who you hang out with and who you party with and who you're working with you know it's a little bit different but boy do we everybody fuck each other but actually it's not it's really not it's it's but it's just it's repeat offenders people do do it seem to do it all the goddamn time
Starting point is 00:41:01 as someone who's worked in corporate america i you ask me, I'm asking you the question, it doesn't seem like it's an insane amount. It seems like about how much at a regular office. I think it's just that it – Everyone meets at work now. Yeah. Everyone I know that's in a relationship. I think just people at Barstool are like a little like – most people are like in a corporate setting.
Starting point is 00:41:22 We might get fired or we have to disclose this to HR or or whatever i think people are a little more lucifer so whether they realize it or not they're lucifer well but that like that also makes sense as far as like the kind of person who works here which is like you're at least there's something about you that makes the world think you have a personality maybe yeah so there's a personality some charisma you put a bunch of people who are charismatic and in their 20s in a fucking building we're gonna fuck each other yeah yeah i mean it's a reality show it's basically a reality show i uh i did think it was funny though like watching nicky nick navigate that was funny like where he was kind of like trying to be polite but then he had a tweet that said like city boy's up and then she was like
Starting point is 00:42:05 well this city boy just told me that he loves me this morning and he made another video being like I'm not trying to like I don't want to rock the boat that was a little
Starting point is 00:42:11 mischaracterized I'm not causing you a problem I didn't say that though it was very like trying to keep your pride but also not rock the boat too much but yeah
Starting point is 00:42:21 that was a mess some of those tweets from Annika were like when she called them dumb and dumber i was like oh man yo let me say this one of the downfalls of society is sharing locations oh it is insane again that people do that that's a strictly female thing as far as i know none of my friends well well i'm saying okay yes girls share with each other but then also guys like couples will do it i've done it once in a couple it was a mistake by both of us like we both didn't
Starting point is 00:42:55 mean to do it but it was it was the worst thing that's ever happened dude and i'm not i'm not it's not about cheating and shit it's just about like having freedom like your own agency to be like if i want to stop and get a sandwich get a drink like i'm not coming right home like i just want to like live my life and i have someone gps tracking me that's like to me that's like abuse like if you want to find out there was a controlling man who was like i need to track your look i put a i'm putting a geo uh apple tag on you everywhere you go People would be like This is a form of abuse And somehow it's just
Starting point is 00:43:26 Gotten accepted through Like find my friends It's fucking crazy When I accidentally did it Again it was Cause then you can't undo it Cause you can't undo it Yeah
Starting point is 00:43:35 So like we Like I just It weighed on me It really Yeah Everywhere I was like She knows exactly where I am And I wasn't even doing anything
Starting point is 00:43:42 I was just like Oh god she knows my home Dude even when it's like I don't even like when i i had a girlfriend once who just liked knowing what flight i was on and i like we got in a fight about that where i was like you have to stop find like just if my plane crashes you will hear about it okay it'll be a big fucking thing even being like you know i'm a little late and you're like i'm in traffic and it's like no you're not you're still at the apartment right those little white lies you should be able to tell yeah if you can't even tell those things like you will end up you will end up at each other's
Starting point is 00:44:14 for sure and then the girls i feel like girls do it under the guise of like safety and i i think a lot of times it's not gonna do that i think there is something like i want to make sure you're home you're out on a date With a new guy We'll check in on you And then I also think It's like What's Jackie doing tonight
Starting point is 00:44:29 Girls also do We like need each other's locations For safety reasons Like I think you To an extent To an age To an age
Starting point is 00:44:38 But I'm saying I think that then It's like You should turn it on and off Yeah yeah yeah And they don't Because it's like I'm going out Saturday night My location's on Yeah On yeah, yeah. And they don't because it's like –
Starting point is 00:44:45 I'm going out Saturday night at my location. Yeah, yeah. And it stays on. On a Wednesday afternoon, you don't need to know where the fuck I am. It's funny. Like the second I walk in my door in my apartment, like I'll get calls because people have been tracking me. Like they know when I'm home.
Starting point is 00:44:55 So you're looking a lot. That's crazy. I personally like – I'm not saying like – I just – I really don't like being tracked in. Like I really don't like – Yeah. Like that's like you shouldn't! That shouldn't be the oddity I don't have the attention span to follow another app But I do see the
Starting point is 00:45:12 Why girls I see its benefits I think it should be Utilized less often I think that's why it starts And that's what people say it is And they do use it for that reason. But then they will also be like,
Starting point is 00:45:26 this bitch said she was going to stay in tonight and she's out. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to fucking go out. Everybody should be able to like, I remember like the first time I was like single and living on my own. And I was just like, I can do whatever I want,
Starting point is 00:45:43 whenever I want, wherever I want or not. You, wherever I want, or not. You know what I mean? Yeah. That was a great feeling. That's like the best part of breaking up is like, I don't know. I'm going to go somewhere. No one's going to know where I am.
Starting point is 00:45:54 I'm going to go to some dive bar. I'm going to go to some strip club. I'm going to go be a dirtbag. I'm going to go be lazy. The world is your oyster, you know? And having anybody just be like, oh, so you were at this place last night. Fucking get out of here. Let me get my life the feeling of being like and it happens so rarely nowadays but like the feeling of being like no one knows where i am or what i'm doing
Starting point is 00:46:14 it's so rare it's awesome dude my dad has an android and it's like so annoying for like you know group texts for the babies the pictures the kids can't do it and my mom like hates it and she's like get get an iphone and he's like nope he's like i don't like i'm not doing the cloud i'm not sharing locations i'm not doing this i'm not doing that and and i i didn't know it was like like he's very on purpose getting an android to avoid all that. We went to lunch the other day for my birthday. And we sit down and we were just watching like a burger joint. And he was like, I'll have a water and a glass of Pinot Grigio. And like before he has like a sip of it, he's like, another water and another Pinot Grigio.
Starting point is 00:46:59 He ends up having a bottle of wine at lunch. And he goes, as I was walking out the door, your mother told me, no drinking at lunch, so I am. I didn't even want to. I wasn't planning on it. But then she said that, and now I'm doing this. Which is like, it's such a weird mindset.
Starting point is 00:47:20 But I kind of almost accepted that recently, too. I was like, oh, when people tell me to do something, I gonna do it I'm gonna do the opposite yeah yeah I if I tell you I'm gonna do something I will do it if you tell me to do something I'm doing the opposite and like I genuinely I don't want to be like that I don't like it about me I think it's a bad character trait but it is what it is but it's there and it just happens somebody tells me like don't be late I'm gonna be late like there's something. But it's there. And it just happens. If somebody tells me, like, don't be late, I'm going to be late. Like, there's something subconsciously.
Starting point is 00:47:48 It's a terrible trait on my, like, whatever. But, like, I had a friend who would, like, track me. Yeah, she did. Whatever. And I was like, I don't know how to explain this to you, but the more you yell at me for being late, the more late I'm going to be. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:48:04 It's with everything. I used to think of it as like i used to not even register it and now like because i consciously try and think about it and fix it i'm like dude this is like you're you might be retarded like like everything someone tells you to do you're just gonna do the opposite why are you like that it's so insanely childlike but the fact that it is there's something like biological because it's it's like every guy and a lot of adults in general it's just like there's some knee-jerk reaction to be like nope i'm doing the opposite except at work like if i work i will do exactly what you tell me to do if you it's a personal it's in personal life. It's a personal life. I don't know. You just want some kind of freedom.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Yes, that's really it. At work, I spend all day doing what people tell me to do. I'm like, here, I'm going to do what I want to do. Yeah, especially when a girl is telling you what to wear or that kind of shit where they're changing those things. It's like, no, now I'm going to dress like fuck. Well, not for you. Someone ever had the audacity? Oh, what I'm going to wear?
Starting point is 00:49:03 You're wearing those shoes with that top like i would never take advice from somebody wearing a floral what are you fucking insane i would i i've i'll say this to the camera right now i've never fist fought a woman if a fucking woman tried to tell me what to wear at night we'd throw that i've had a girl tell you what to wear i don't think so no it out. Have you ever had a girl try and tell you what to wear? I don't think so, no. For him, that makes sense. But the average guy is going to get like, wear these pants or wear these shirts.
Starting point is 00:49:32 I've done it to women. I've been like, I don't know about that. Have you ever seen those videos where all of the guys in the group wear the the brown shirt yeah you know and like it just highlights that every girl is like here wear this shirt and they're just like okay fine i always and that's not like i mean if a girl got me a shirt was like hey i got you this gift like and then i wore it fine but to be like we're going out tonight here's here's your clothes is insane i i i don't think i've never had a woman buy me clothes i have been shopping
Starting point is 00:50:06 with women before and they'll be like i like this i'm like why don't you keep your opinions i know you do why don't you go sit in a chair over there i'll handle this thank you i've always like i mean as much as i will dress like like when it comes time to dress or something i know how to and i have the clothes to do it. Like, when I'm just fucking around, I'm wearing athleisure wear, all that shit. But I can understand if you are, like, some guys really don't know what the fuck to. I never understood. I don't get the guys who, like, when there are guys who are like, I don't know how to do laundry.
Starting point is 00:50:40 What do you fucking mean? Like, you might be bad at it. Maybe you don't fold well. Maybe whatever. There's three steps. You put it in. You push a might be bad at it maybe you don't fold well maybe whatever steps you put it in you put the so you push a button it's like it's like it's like saying you don't know how to shower it's like what but i can understand but even you know like to me it's like you can't just look at a mannequin look at a fucking anybody on television like maybe you don't have like amazing style but you can put together a shirt and a pants that's appropriate for an evening. It's not that fucking hard.
Starting point is 00:51:07 I'm not saying you're going to walk the runway or people are going to be wowed by it. But the people who just show up like, oh, wow, this is what you chose? I think it's – this is my own thought here, obviously. It's kind of like tribalism, right? Where you're trying to dress with your tribe to show like this is the group i'm part of yeah and it's just for some reason guys wear mesh shorts and t-shirts they want to be like i'm a man and this is what men wear i don't know why they do but you're right like the majority of men do wear that i mean i i definitely as i've gotten older
Starting point is 00:51:43 have kids going to like events with kids i'm like i don't really give a fuck what i look like right now so and i and that you know i could give me 20 more years yeah like maybe it gets ugly you know what i mean it might get ugly but it's always it's never like you know like adam sandler i mean he could do it because he has half a billion dollars but it's you know i don't think i'm ever walking around somewhere where people would be like oh my god like this guy's depressed or something but i can like it's a slippery slope i can see where it's like you know all of a sudden i'm like i'm just going to practice i'm just going to that game i'm just going to this thing i'm gonna wear whatever and you when you're 40 one
Starting point is 00:52:18 thing when you're 50 but it's just much – there's so much to wear. Yeah. Yeah, and it's – Then you want to be like, what do I look like in that? I don't know. Isn't that kind of interesting? I guess – but I guess there are people who don't care. The same way – I don't know. Just something you don't care about that other people would.
Starting point is 00:52:36 You're like, it means nothing to me. I've tried to care about most things I don't care about. What would you say is like a good example of something something that the average guy cares about you don't? I don't care about sports drama. I guess it's kind of like reality TV type. I don't care about trades or acquisitions. Obviously, there has been one in the past few days that has greatly affected me. But 99% of the time,
Starting point is 00:53:08 I like the Bruins and the Patriots. When you lose someone like Tom Brady, Brad Martian, Chris Bergeron, that's a big deal. I thought you were going to say WAGs and scandals and shit. But trade is an acquisition. That's your team. I get excited, but I'm rooting for the Bruins no matter who's on the team. So yes, that's
Starting point is 00:53:23 great, and hopefully they're better, but whatever happens, I'm going to be rooting for the Bruins no matter who's on it yeah so like yes that's great and hopefully they're better but like whatever happens i'm going to be rooting for the bruins right so i kind of have less of a it's not that i don't care about them i don't follow them like like you know nfl free agency started yesterday or last yeah i don't know who the pats have signed right i'm probably not as as heavy and just like the mess i am but in general sports like like i i can't tell you like who – guys outside of my teams now, I have no fucking idea. And I'm sure there are guys who are like I can't fathom not caring about sports that way, the same way that you're like, what do you mean you don't care about your outfit? I just want to see the two teams on the field. Like I like watching sports.
Starting point is 00:53:59 I don't – I think I don't like watching sports. See, I'm the – I think I like – I think I'm the total opposite of you. I like the storylines. I'll check – like I could probably watch't like watching sports. I think I'm the total opposite of you. I like the storylines. I could probably watch a Mets season through the box score and just be like, how many games back are we? Who's up?
Starting point is 00:54:13 Who's down? I don't know if I need to see the play. See, again, this is something I've learned about myself and finally accepted. I like watching the sports. I do not like – I like watching the sports. I not like I like watching the sports I kind of found it like during the Olympics
Starting point is 00:54:28 When I was like It was just like Hey you want to see which one of these ten guys is the fastest Yeah that actually I kind of fuck with I actually do Who can lift their sting up the highest Yeah
Starting point is 00:54:37 Funny you say that I'd love to see which one of these guys is the strongest And like I kind of feel that with football Or any sport It's like You want to see which of these two teams is the best Yeah Basket i kind of feel like football like what's like or any sport it's like you want to see which of these two teams is best like yeah and basketball was well this one's got a son like i don't fucking care you know what i mean like yeah they do like the personal pieces and stuff like that whatever to me it was like basketball i i baseball i'm like
Starting point is 00:54:56 it's like in my blood it's weird basketball i like the sport of basketball like the movement and the plays and the shots and but it got to a point where i was like i just watching the nba i just didn't really care anyway i don't care about any other sports game besides if the knicks mets or jets are on okay i saw everything else is unwatchable right yeah it's just like i just don't care you're not well you're not a gambler gamble a little bit yeah that's the other thing i mean people gamble are in on everything if you're not dude but again now despite all this i did not have a great weekend because of Brad Marchand getting traded. That was – I think that is going to – I didn't know he was there since 2006.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Drafted in 2006. I think he got called from the Bruins. I would have told you that he joined, like, during my Barstool tenure, which would be way off. Well, this is kind of what happened with Marchand. And I'll be very brief with this because I know people don't care about hockey. Like, he got called up to the team in 09, made a pretty immediate impact. But I think 11 was when he was drafted. 09?
Starting point is 00:55:57 06. He was drafted 06. Oh, okay. I thought he was in the league in 06. No, I think October 09 is when he got called up from providence um but like really didn't make like become who he is until like 12 13 no i he yes he was he was a merlot line guy in 11 which is like the fourth line right but he would i remember being the nose face and the pest and all that and all of a sudden he was scoring like 40 goals right that that was probably more like 2016 oh wow it was a while
Starting point is 00:56:25 ago which is a weird career he's had he's had such an incredible career like it's so cool where he like he i genuinely believe no it is great i i genuinely believe he is a perfect hockey player like he is exactly what you need in a hockey player yeah he's a guy who's willing to do anything for his team. He'll lick a face. He'll score a goal. It does not matter. He literally licked a guy's face.
Starting point is 00:56:51 He's going to make – Can you not do that? Look, there it is. I mean, you're not supposed to. It's frowned upon. Yeah. He will make his presence known. All that good stuff, whatever. I don't need to wax poetic about his hockey playing abilities.
Starting point is 00:57:03 But once he got traded, it really set in that like i think it will have an effect on on how i view sports going forward yeah because i think this is yeah i was called i was talking to my buddy on i think he was traded friday so i was driving home and we call i had a call about it because he lives out in california I was like, dude, am I crazy? In the sense that this has really affected my connection to the team. And he's like, dude, I was thinking the same thing because he is our last player from our youth. Everyone on the Boston team now is like 24.
Starting point is 00:57:40 But I remembered him when I was a kid. Again, not a kid. I think I was 20, 21, something when i was yeah i was a kid not again not a kid i think i was 20 21 something like that but i was young and i was like oh like this is my like connection through sports to my youth and this is my connection to like my hometown yeah and now like that's like you live you're an adult who lives in new york who like who like fought like like it's no longer like the bruins in particular like, a big part of my childhood. Like, you go to games a lot and all that kind of stuff. And I was like, oh. Literally the quote, my family is your family.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Like, this is, like, now the Bruins were a connection to home for me. Yeah. Now they're a team I root for from afar. Well, not in the same regard, but my brother said to me on my birthday, he said, Happy birthday. There's only one basketball player left who's who's older than me it's just lebron lebron is the only one all right there might be one other maybe it was but i'm pretty sure it's just lebron no i think he i think it was those two and lebron has me beat by like he's like a month older than me so that's pretty close i so it's like aaron rogers in football
Starting point is 00:58:44 and there's a couple other like not not no-names, but guys – because you can't be a no-name and last that long. Yeah. And there's like Max Scherzer. There's like five guys in sports left. Which is just crazy to me that like – because I still will always look at a – oh, I didn't really look at hockey. I guess there's a handful of hockeyists.
Starting point is 00:59:03 What's the oldest? No, so I'm older than everyone in hockey. There's no, like, 20. How old's Ovi? Ovi's, like, 39. Wow. Yeah, he's already, like, 17, right? Yeah, that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:59:15 He looks crazy old. I used to love Julio. Yeah, Julio Franco was, like, 55 playing baseball. I wish he was still around because, yeah, I mean, I'm at the point where, like, give it a couple more years and there will be nobody in professional sports that, uh, that is older than me.
Starting point is 00:59:30 And that is like, you are fucking old. How old was he? Uh, he was 49. Crazy. He was playing like pro, like at a decent level,
Starting point is 00:59:41 49 years old. Marsha was also one of the guys who like, it's like your grandfather. He was like, like at a decent level 49 years old marshan was also one of the guys who like looks like your grandfather he was like like it's fun to root for the guys who aren't perfect yeah right like yeah i wrote a blog on it and i had said that like growing up when i was a kid i'm like yeah kid uh like poppy and manny were like the two guys right and poppy was face of the franchise perfect smile said the right things. Manny was an asshole. Best pure hitter.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Oh, okay. He was just like – he was kind of like – he was incredibly talented, obviously, but he was like the person that Sports Talk would call and be like, Manny might be a problem. Might have to put him on waivers. Might have to move him. All kinds of stuff. And Marchand was always that guy.
Starting point is 01:00:20 And I like those guys. I like the guys who are like, look, I'm going to try my best, but I'm going to be myself too. I'm going to be a be a human i'm not gonna be like the corporate face of this yeah and i like even even marshan today i'm sure he was joking when he said it because i read it but like he was sam bennett is on the panthers and he's an asshole but he i killed him on my team and he was asked at his press conference like what do you think about your new teammate Sam Bennett and he just went
Starting point is 01:00:47 yeah still a scumbag he's probably laughing when he said it that's a great quote do I have a tan yet he's so fucking funny he's the best god I love you Brad
Starting point is 01:00:56 wait sorry where did he go Florida Florida Panthers does he have a wife or a kid yeah this is like one of those things
Starting point is 01:01:03 I probably shouldn't even speak on but like i i i don't know why i i when he was young he started dating a girl and she already had a kid and they're married and they have their own kids now as well and he raised this child and i think that's fucking so cool like i think that like i think that speaks a lot to your character if you're like a 26 year old millionaire and you're in a hockey town and you're like well i just love this person the baggage she comes with. Not that it's baggy.
Starting point is 01:01:27 You know what I mean? It is baggage. Yeah, trust me. It's baggage. Yeah. I think that's cool to be like, at that time, Brad Marchand could have dated anybody. And he's like, I don't know. I like this person.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Shout out to Eric Robbins. Stepdad. Season 8's Valentine's Day premiere, February 14th is when that is, coincides with the five-year anniversary of Love is Blind on Netflix. We talk about it on this episode. Love is Blind is back with a brand new set of hopeful singles from Minnesota ready to fall in love and get engaged, sight unseen. But once they're faced with the complications of the outside world,
Starting point is 01:02:02 will they say, I do? Just when you think you know exactly what to expect from this season of Love is Blind, a new set of authentic singles shows us there is more to reveal about their stories, modern love, and maybe even ourselves. One of the best parts of watching Love is Blind is being part of the conversation about it. The group texts and memes are top notch and part of what we love to bond over. Watch Love is blind season 8 now playing on netflix and don't miss the reunion this past sunday which is now available on netflix as
Starting point is 01:02:30 well at 6 at 6 p.m what'd you do this weekend jackie um i had a birthday party and i went on a date. Oh, spicy. How'd it go? Where'd you meet? Well, this, I actually like told, I can't tell the story yet. I told him on Fishbowl and it's like not, it's not. Everyone was like, that was crazy. They said that. So I can't say it again. I'm not.
Starting point is 01:02:59 No, no, no, no. Just say it. We're not recording right now. Just say it. You edit this, right? Take it out. Well, yeah, I guess I can take it out that's why i can't i can't this should i say on fishbowl is like i don't because because like i know i'm not gonna ever have to deal with it again so i don't want to say that okay basically so i meet this guy at a bar first of all like we're at this bar and all my friends are like who's the hottest guy at
Starting point is 01:03:22 the bar they point to this guy and this guy comes and sits right next to me and so then is that pretty rare for you by the way or that happens enough like i'm i'm always thinking that you guys are always doing shit on apps and all that but like people still will just like meet at a bar and talk oh i thought you're saying like does a hot guy um but yeah well that too but i mean like you'll still do in-person shit like that or it's like i i came with my friends but i found a guy at the bar yeah uh yeah yeah it happens i i mean guys come up to me all the time okay so hot guys is next to you okay so hot guys that's next to me and then we like start talking i can't i'm not gonna tell you have to tell it you have to tell it okay you have to tell it okay so then so then we're like whatever and then he's like do you want to come back to mine i was like no i'm not gonna
Starting point is 01:04:02 like yeah i'm not gonna do that like whatever and then he was like okay like let's just hang out like can you want to just like walk me home like i'm close and i was like i already know i know that move i'll walk into your door i'll be walking up the steps i was just like but i I was like, okay, but just so you know, don't even get your hopes up. Nothing's happening. Heard that too. So then we walked to his
Starting point is 01:04:33 and I'm like, alright. And then he's like, and then somehow I end up in his apartment. You don't say. You don't say. Shocking. So then, so then, I'm taking this off. No, this is so good. This is what the people want.
Starting point is 01:04:51 So then I, he, like, we start making out, whatever. So I'm sucking his dick. You know how sometimes it's hard to stop that train once it starts? Yeah. and then so I'm sucking his dick so like you know how like sometimes it's like hard to stop that train like once it starts yeah
Starting point is 01:05:08 that's what we do that's what we do all you gotta do is get in the door I'll tell you something Jackie that train started back at the bar
Starting point is 01:05:16 that train started when he sat down next to you I was just like he's good like I was like he's good
Starting point is 01:05:24 like damn I was not supposed to be here and so then so then like it just like, he's good. I was like, he's good. Like, damn, I was not supposed to be here. And so then, so then like, um, it just like gets to the point where like, and I was like, I'm not having sex with you. Like, like, I don't like, like, I'm not being like, oh, I don't do that. Like, I really just don't do that. Like on the first, whatever. But then I was like, then I felt bad that like,
Starting point is 01:05:43 That happens too. That happens too. Well, i can't not fuck then it came to like a natural part where like it would have been where i would have sucked so then so then i'm like really like so then he like pants off whatever and like i'm like he'm like, he got pants off. So he really did. I mean, I thought you were going to stop it. No, no, no, no, no. So then, cause then I was like trying, but then I was like, okay, I got like making out. Like now we're getting to the point of no return. Like I have to like make it out now.
Starting point is 01:06:13 And so he like, like takes the stick out whenever. And I'm like literally face to face with the stick. And also like, I just like, I got like when I get tired, like when I'm drunk, like I'm, I'm, so then I was like, I don't feel, I got, like, when I get tired, like, when I'm drunk, I'm, so then I was like, I don't feel like sucking a dick to completion right now. I'll suck it halfway. I'll get it 40%, but. I'm tired.
Starting point is 01:06:36 I want to go home. Like, I can't do the whole. Wait, you just told him I don't feel like sucking a dick. No, no, no. So then I didn't, I couldn't say, like, hey, know, I didn't mean to do this whole song. It's just the physical strenuousness. I would. It's not the dick in the mouth.
Starting point is 01:06:53 It's the tire. I'll spit on it. You do the rest. Here, you can jerk off. Let me just. Literally. So then, and I was like, you know, also like, I don't like sleeping with somebody on the first night because like i never feel good about myself and i'm definitely not gonna feel good about myself i just suck his dick and leave so all together like he takes out his dick and i'm
Starting point is 01:07:12 just realizing like this isn't gonna happen this is gonna work so i like just look up at him and i was like i have to go right after he had like and he was like oh sorry and like he like so like and then i realized that he like he like puts a bag like it really he did the seinfeld like he took it out yeah and i was just like no and then and so then i was like that's pretty gangster but that but then then i felt bad then i was like oh my god now he's gonna think like like he had like a great dick like i was like i don't want to make him feel bad about his like dick whatever so then i felt bad so then i started being like tell me you started complimenting this guy's dick well yeah that came later but then i started like acting like i had a panic attack i was like i'm so sorry
Starting point is 01:07:50 like i don't know what's happening like i'm panicking like whatever and then i was like now now i'm being weird now it seems like i had like some for some reason and i was drunk so i was like now it seems like i like have been sexually assaulted. Yeah, so then I start saying I swear I wasn't raped Don't worry I wasn't raped like I know I'm here too Like in the past like oh I see I see and like so then like also like then I leave and like and I'm complimenting like I'm out the door I'm complimenting, as I'm out the door, I'm like, great dick, by the way. Like, really, like, really, like. Just two packs.
Starting point is 01:08:27 I'm like, great dick is great. Great head, like, big. You know what I mean? I'm like, but I just, you know, I'm just, like, freaking out. I just kind of need to get out of here. But I wasn't raped. So then I wake up the next morning, and I was like, and I have so much anxiety now. I was like and I have so much anxiety and I was like
Starting point is 01:08:46 I just I said rape entirely too many times like like man I really like one or two times
Starting point is 01:08:53 I maybe could have gotten away with by the eighth shot like you should never be saying rape more than like unless you're in a court you know
Starting point is 01:08:59 so then I was like alright I'm just gonna like Jackie got raped on the way home and she's like I can't say anything
Starting point is 01:09:05 about this I've been in a corner too many times in my corner it's like you just know when you hit your max on that sometimes
Starting point is 01:09:12 so then he like had texted me back and he's like hey well that's a plus that he even texted you I'd be like that rape girl
Starting point is 01:09:19 has gotta go so to answer the question it is crazy in the streets if you're getting a text back well she wasn't so bad. You're in his phone as a rape girl. What's going on with you tonight? When he texted, I was like, are you sure?
Starting point is 01:09:34 So then, but it was like a make sure you get home safe, like so sorry if anything happened again. He was definitely worried. He was more damage control. That was like, this is for legal purposes. Can you put in writing that i didn't bring you yeah so then like yeah like again i had woken up just being like damn like i really like have so much anxiety about that and i was like i'm just i can't like deal with this i'm not gonna text back like i'm just gonna ghost him like this just i'm just gonna take the l and ghost him and i did two days later he says hey by the way like i think you left a ring here
Starting point is 01:10:08 and i look down i'm missing my grandma's dead oh my god and i was like the one you can't do that oh my god i didn't even see your text before so sorry um what you took what you take that ring off no it just like fell off i can't touch a penis with my grandma's dead aunt's ring. It's really like jewelry. Like something in the girl world is jewelry always knows when you're being a little slut. I never have jewelry fall off except for when I'm being a little slut. So then I text her, oh my God, like, hey, like so happy to text like that you texted me like like we have to see each other again because I need to get that ring back and then we like
Starting point is 01:10:52 didn't coordinate like we could not figure it out for the life of me until finally yesterday and I saw him and I got my ring back and then I think there's a little a little low connection here no no no no okay I, no, no. Okay. I was going to say, if you can get through this whole rape fiasco thing, that maybe, and, like, he still is coming around, that maybe he really likes you. I was kind of, like, and also it was just, like, I was not on my A game that night, like, entirely at all. Like, I was just being weird.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Yeah. We've established that, Jacqueline. Yeah. Yeah. And then, like, I just, I don't know. So then yesterday, especially, I was not on my A game either. I was already just like, damn, you've seen way too much. And, like, we just have to call this quits.
Starting point is 01:11:34 And I just, I could feel it. I was not on my A game. I was just saying really dumb stuff. Like, I was just like, I don't know. I just started telling him about, like, random stuff. And I was just like, why am I saying this right now? Anyways, it didn't go well. And he actually hasn't texted me.
Starting point is 01:11:49 I was going to say, I'm surprised. Because it's such a testament to guys that I'm thinking, if that was me, I'd probably look past all this. You what? I'd look past all this. Oh, yeah. Really? If I thought the girl was hot, and we were talking at the bar,
Starting point is 01:12:02 and it was fun, and then like, all right, yeah, you didn't suck my dick, but we had some fun on the first night. It's actually kind of the perfect thing. It's like you look like you're down to clown, but you did draw the line. You're enough of a lady. And then the rape stuff, I'd be like, I'm looking past all that. I would be like, yeah, that chick's nuts. Yeah, yeah. But like in a good way.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Yeah, yeah yeah yeah but then but then i think it's kind of like i was nuts then i ended up being nuts not in like a hot slutty way just in like uh what's going on with her kind of yeah i can see that getting in a dark room you just constantly and then and then he like definitely got the wrong idea Because then he kept being like Don't you wish we could just Then oh god He also like had an alarm He had an alarm To watch the sunset And he goes
Starting point is 01:12:50 Sorry that's just my Like sunset alarm Oh Oh Fuck this guy What is that even That is like he gets up That is the worst thing
Starting point is 01:12:58 I've ever heard Wait sunset or sunrise Sunset Like at night What time was this Like at night Like six o'clock at night He's in the alarm
Starting point is 01:13:04 So when I was like Like five thirty Just fucking look Like Yeah Oh so you were day drinking yeah yeah it was a day drinking and i thought it was just coffee too he like really has done a lot of things like oh wait wait this was sunday this was sunday this was sunday okay i was thinking this was the first night no no no no no then he like like yesterday so wait you were supposed to go to coffee to get the ring and you're
Starting point is 01:13:22 drinking well yeah yeah yeah but i didn't realize it was a i thought it was coffee date because he was like oh we'll have like a wholesome like date so i thought coffee and then it was a wine bar and he like instantly was like a bottle of wine and i was like oh he's like if you drink to this chick and then he goes he goes you want to like go back to my place like and oh, he said before, when we were trying to meet up for a date, he was like, don't you wish we could just skip the part
Starting point is 01:13:52 to where we just cuddle? And I was like, I gotta get my ring back. I thought this guy had promise. And then now, no. And then also, the other thing about that, I'm really airing out his story a lot. But the other thing about that um i'm really errant i was dirty um but the other thing about the alarm is like i the the everybody's joke for when a guy's alarm goes off is birth control like whatever and so he was like oh that's my birth control alarm he goes
Starting point is 01:14:16 yeah but you could tell i've had a lot of girlfriends i know a lot about girls like for that joke or whatever and i was like that's tough just give me my ring back hey good thing you didn't but he hasn't texted me back so like i think it's a mutual like good job you know we're off we're on your radar i was right on that one yeah i know it's also i can't believe i'm always so astounded that girls will suck somebody's dick before they have sex with them yeah i'm like i know i know i get it number and and and stigma but like i would rather you put on a condom or not and have sex with me before i go to work on your dick with my mouth i'm chill is spit and get nothing out of this just so i can
Starting point is 01:15:01 say like but we didn't have sex like you slobbered on his dick, girl. I don't get that at all. Dude, if oral sex counted as sex, my number's, like, double. I'm not talking about getting blowjobs. I'm talking about eating pussy. Do you know how many times there have been where it's, like, it's 5 a.m. and I'm eating a pussy, and I'm like, she doesn't know yet, but this dick's knocking hard.
Starting point is 01:15:27 Not in insanity. eating a pussy and I'm like, she doesn't know yet, but this dick's knocking. Do you remember when I posed the idea that your number should include oral sex? Do you remember Kelly Keeg's reaction? She was like, absolutely not! No! Like looking at all the men in the room, this is not a thing!
Starting point is 01:15:42 A visceral reaction from all the girls. No, no, no, no, no no no no no no it's not the loophole you girls think it is i've only slept with five guys i've sucked 39 dicks this weekend yeah you know it doesn't really fucking matter get out of here yeah they're i mean there's always a part of it that like you're just like why am i not just having sex right now this Now this is just so much work. At least you could maybe get something out of it. Probably not, given the circumstances. Random hookup at a bar. You're crying about rape, whatever. You're probably not going to get off in that scenario, but it's better.
Starting point is 01:16:15 It's not the most romantic setting. Unless you're just mailing it in and giving some lame head. But if you're going after it, it's like, this is a job. It's a task. It's a blow task. Whatever, girls. Guys whatever girls either way i make it sound like i'm always dating losers like i swear you do do that yeah you do do that maybe you should come on here and just tell a story about like a great date yeah it was a stand-up guy a great guy whenever that happens nothing to report as of right now.
Starting point is 01:16:46 Do you have a few questions? Yeah. Let's listen to our boys here from our friends over at Huel. In fact, Pavs, would you text Dothromy a – he's already got one in his hand. What a guy. Thank you. Chocolate even. That is my favorite kind of Huel.
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Starting point is 01:18:30 We share the same birthday. Catherine, Jack, me, and Winston. Slightly salty because I have DM'd you almost every year for the past, I think, three years when I was like, oh, I could probably do this. Never got a reply. I'm one of your five black listeners
Starting point is 01:18:46 at KFC Radio. Been reading your blogs for a long time. Some of my Canadian fuckstick friends actually introduced me to Barstool. But yeah, happy birthday. And also, just... Happy birthday to you. just say goodbye happy birthday to you
Starting point is 01:19:08 happy birthday to you happy birthday to one of our five black listeners happy birthday to you I thought you were singing it to me that's why I wasn't partaking
Starting point is 01:19:23 I mean it's like if a white guy sent that voicemail, I'd be like, this sucks. Black guy does it? I was like, you're cool, bro. The whole time I was like, you're so cool. You got cool shades on. We're doing paths like this fucking voicemail, dude. It sucks. Now Winston with the cool shades saying like we had the same birthday.
Starting point is 01:19:39 Fuck yeah, we do. I feel like we've forgotten that it was my half birthday too. So you're halfway to 29? Shut the fuck up. How old are you? 29. You're starting 29, right? No, I'm 25.
Starting point is 01:19:52 Asshole. I actually thought you were 24, so you're older than that. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. You're 25 now, right? I'm 25 right now. Yeah, I thought you were 24, too. Paz, you're 24?
Starting point is 01:19:59 25. He's older than me. Let's get that clear. Yeah. Let's get that fucking clear. What age do you think you're are you you don't worry about age not at all constantly worried about age really constantly 20 sexes it's on your brain like all the time what what is it you worry about getting older and just like like i don't know there's just so much like bullshit i can get away with being like
Starting point is 01:20:22 a young girl like and eventually there are like you know girls who are 30 and 40 listening right now like screaming I feel like I spent so much like I feel like like this past year I've like kind of gotten the hang of like like you know what I'm saying like like like that's like I've been getting a lot of male attention like this past year I feel like I'm starting to kind of get the hang of it. I feel like I didn't have the hang of it before. So why are you getting better? You keep getting the hang of it.
Starting point is 01:20:50 What? You just get more of the hang of it. But I don't want to like get – like I wish I had the hang of it from the get-go. Well, yeah, but that's life. I actually – I completely disagree. Really? I don't think I had the hang of it for basically my whole 20s, and I'm happy about that. Well, that's when you're supposed to – You like you're a guy like you didn't have anything for half your 20s
Starting point is 01:21:10 listen put it this way you didn't suck that guy's dick right next time maybe you don't even go up to the apartment unless you want to you just keep learning more you know yeah i i don't know i think you're in the sweet spot a little bit under your belt so you're not like completely idiot but you're still young and hot and dumb but but i feel like it's like i don't know it's like you're you know you are you're you're the girl outside the jump rope right now going i got it timed i can jump in whenever i want yeah i know it yeah and then you're gonna start fucking double yeah and then you jump in so now you're in like that area where you're like i got it i know it i actually feel like like this past year like i've i've i've been getting but i've been i've Double dungeon! And then you jump in. So now you're in that area where you're like, I got it. I know it. I actually feel like this past year, I've been getting, but I've been so like, I'm just
Starting point is 01:21:51 watching the game right now. I'm going to jump in. This is a good thing. Then I'm going to get the sweet spot. You're old and saggy. I'm going to start getting so sweaty. Yeah, but you've already reached that threshold, and you just start getting plastic surgery. Yeah, done.
Starting point is 01:22:03 Thank you so much. That's such a good point. It's a good reminder. Just when you you're 30 get your body redone 40 get your body redone just have like milestones yeah okay cool yeah i mean if anything you know you got your new nose that you didn't have that when you were younger my you got your new boobs you didn't have that when you were younger you're getting your benjamin Buttoning the shit. Yeah. You're going backwards and your brains get smarter. Do you think my voice was cooler with the nose job before that?
Starting point is 01:22:30 For sure. Before the nose job? I have not noticed. It's all I think about. It was real sexy before. Damn, Jackie. Used to sound cooler. Yeah, kind of. Like, I think that there's a difference.
Starting point is 01:22:40 I think you got a good voice now. I don't know about the last one. What do you think? I don't remember the last one. You have a very, you don't have like a, like, like there are a lot of girls one I don't remember the last one you have a very you don't have like a like there are a lot of girls I don't remember your last voice like there's a
Starting point is 01:22:50 there's a lot of girls who have annoying voices vocal fry like you don't have that I don't like you might say like a lot but that's what everyone does I actually
Starting point is 01:23:00 I actually want to stop can we train that out of me we'll try but it's a big one it's hard I mean I say it all the time. No, no, no. And also, I stutter a lot.
Starting point is 01:23:10 And I need to stop doing that. So I'm going to stop doing that starting right now. I won't say like, and I won't stutter. Okay. And I almost want to get a shock collar. Ooh, I like that idea. I'll just buzz you every time. Should we order that on Amazon right now?
Starting point is 01:23:20 Zap, zap, zap. My English teacher used to make us wear elastics. Really? And he'd point at us. You did it. One spot in the country, they call them elastics. Yeah, that, zap. My English teacher used to make us wear elastics. Really? And he'd point at us. You did it. One spot in the country, they call them elastics. Yeah, that's weird. Get over yourself, Rhode Island.
Starting point is 01:23:30 It's also kind of like child abuse. We were in high school. Even weirder. That doesn't make sense. I don't, you know, he didn't have a gun to our heads, but I did it because I thought it was fun. But he'd point to us. No like. I won't be saying that
Starting point is 01:23:45 people he would throw books at us too you want me to do that we could throw things at you okay you can get me
Starting point is 01:23:51 to get like a dart gun nerf gun I'm gonna run out of things pretty quick didn't you you used to throw stuff at her for some reason didn't you
Starting point is 01:23:56 she used to throw stuff at me right she used to do the elastic thing when I had to that's why I stopped wearing it
Starting point is 01:24:02 yeah yeah yeah I don't think I ever threw things I thought there was something where it was like, every time you do something, maybe it's the elastic, something enough. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:08 We'll beat that out of you. I also, I understand, I want to say, I feel like I do not convey my points very well. You know what you do a lot? Is you say you're not conveying your point well when you're doing fine.
Starting point is 01:24:22 When I'm doing a fine job. But now you're not, because you're stopping to say. point well when you're doing fine. When I'm doing a fine job. But now you're not because you're stopping to say. I always say the comments are mean. The comments are mostly very, very, very nice. I can only call them. You will start a story. Motherfuckers do not like it when I can't get a point across.
Starting point is 01:24:35 You'll be like two words in. You'll be like, I'm not explaining this well. It's like you're not explaining it at all because you haven't even started yet. Just say it. Yeah. It's kind of like since I have to edit it, it's like knowing that the hardest critic in the world is watching so then i get nervous for like myself like watching
Starting point is 01:24:50 it later and then it's just like that is that is a a punishment that no one deserves it's hard we're gonna get you off that no no i i don't i don't mean it like no but we are i mean that's it is crazy harder jobs in the world but i just like i'm so mean to myself. I would always do that. I would... Exactly what you're talking about. I would be talking and I would know what people would say, were going to say about what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:25:14 And then I would try and almost B-Rabbit their arguments at the same time. B-Rabbit. Like B-Rabbit in 8 Mile. We should have ran with that. You know how rabbits are having conversations. Do you know what that means at all?
Starting point is 01:25:30 No. Have you seen 8 Mile? No. Do you know who B-Rabbit is? No. It's M&M in 8 Mile. B-Rabbit. It's actually a foreign country.
Starting point is 01:25:41 The capital of Austria is B-Rabbit. It means when you like get ahead of like when he's rapping he's like here's all the things you're gonna say about me oh you don't know that rabbit yes that's like but it's become even if you haven't seen the movie it's become a thing you say you you what he actually does though is he he kind of papadox it you know no well i guess it's just yeah whatever but yeah it's like i know what you're gonna say about me and if i say it first it takes the winds out of your sails okay so he's like i am white trash you did fuck my girl all that shit so i would be like explaining something and i'd be
Starting point is 01:26:14 like i know rebuttals to that gonna be and then i would say five other things and it didn't really make any fucking sense and i know i wasn't speaking confidently because I knew what other people would say. Just speak confidently. Oh. Oh. Well, I didn't even think that. I didn't even think that. There's just so many fucking dumb people out there listening that it's like,
Starting point is 01:26:33 who gives a fuck what they think? You know? Fuck them. You're in front of the mic, they're not. Listen or don't. Shut the fuck up. I mean, you should try to not say like.
Starting point is 01:26:42 You should try to get your point out. You should try to not interrupt. You should try to not, all these things that, yes, but it's also like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I don't know. This is how we do it. No, but I but I what I can hear myself to is saying like a lot and I gotta stop that. So it's just a good thing in general, whether it's podcast or not. Yeah, to not, you know, like, like, like, like, like, next voicemail.
Starting point is 01:27:00 Hi, guys. Hi, Kevin, John, Jackie paths for some long time. I don't know why people say that. No, I don't. Who cares? But this is my official application to be Kevin's virtual assistant. I'm really passionate about this. And I have a list of reasons why you need one and why you should hire me. So one, I can save you money and your time. So it's going to kind of even out the money like what's
Starting point is 01:27:25 going to be saving yeah not saving is it ending up paying me but it's going to save you time so all those late fees all like we won't have all that's it though schedule that's it it's just the tickets in order can get all the construction stuff kind of in order for the house i'm sure there's a lot to pay for that um do you do you need groceries? I can make sure those are Instacarted. I can do daily, uh, text reminders for like personal things like, Oh, does she girl Shay have, um, what she has. We can get that going baseball for Keegan. I can remind you that, Oh, what color? Okay. I'm rambling. Um, so daily text reminders. Um, cool. So, um, I'm not a crazy person. So there's that. I'm actually a CPA. I do international taxes for, I don't know, kind of big people. My company's in LA, so it's all like entertainers and stuff, um, and tech companies. But so I'm
Starting point is 01:28:20 not a crazy person. Here's my master's degree. Here's my CPA license which I have blocked out my name because I don't want to do this for the clout. I really don't want your, I don't want the KFC, the chicken heads in my DMs. You just want the money. Also for the plot. I think this would be really funny.
Starting point is 01:28:41 Yeah. I can check on John's homes in Noonan since I'm since I'm in Atlanta, that would also be, yeah, you know, for the plot sort of things. Um, so yeah, those are the reasons I actually sent Kevin a DM about this, um, with more reasons, but at my LinkedIn profile to prove I'm not a crazy person, even though this is crazy person behavior. And I usually don't talk this fast.
Starting point is 01:29:05 I'm just trying to get it all in the voicemail. So, yeah, hope to hear back from you guys. And I will pass out if this actually gets on an episode. We've said this before, but when do you hit assistant level? I don't – again, it's not something that I can grasp because – I think you have to run a business. All those things you just listed, I'm like, yeah,'s on my calendar i yeah but you're not a calendar guy yeah so i do i mean i listen don't get me wrong i could use it today today is actually kind of
Starting point is 01:29:33 the perfect example of why you need an assistant because you forgot about golf in the morning and then we went to park the car and you haven't paid your bill. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. When we pulled up, and you're like, I forgot to pay my bill. I was like, no way.
Starting point is 01:29:52 Well, you know what it is? That's why I asked you what day it is because you have until the 9th, and usually I get it in. But if the 9th happens on a weekend, I'm fucked. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I do late to the last second every time and you
Starting point is 01:30:06 know what i i i do i pay my credit card bill late all the time because mx texts you like halfway through the month they're like just you know your bills are on the third closer to like text me on the first then yeah yeah the fuck does that do anything for me well i guess some people like to they need to do both what they need to do but i also don't i wouldn't be able to use an assistant because as she was explaining like you need to go get like because that i it's all that information she would give you like daily text reminders of you still have to give that to her yes see my thing is that that stuff you if you can go to the source and get it all right that's great because now it's now i'm just you're just adding you to my calendar right right right the first thing i have to do every month is tell you all
Starting point is 01:30:48 my shit it's like i also don't like people knowing my shit was that i also just like yeah it's like we're saying earlier yeah it's like you know everything from finances to like family stuff to like like when you have a real assistant like you you know you know where the bodies are buried you know where you know you have to like that person's like in it for life almost you have to really you can't just like have a willy-nilly assistant because when it's like yeah it's just not good dude i i did that i remember one time there's a bank of america over here i i walked in like one day i think i just need a new card or something like that and i get to see a smirk in the guy's face
Starting point is 01:31:23 and i just walked out and i was like i know who i'm as i'm done banking here yeah you don't want that guy i'm in the same boat right now because i need an accountant i need someone to do my taxes and like i don't want a stoolie i don't want a friend i don't want a stranger because i've had a stranger and that didn't work out well yeah so like i just genuinely don't know who i'm supposed to go to now right i don't want strangers, friends, or stoolies. I could give it a go. Huh? I could give it a go.
Starting point is 01:31:49 Do you give accounting a go? No accounting. I mean, I can. Are you talking about the assistant stuff? No, I don't need an assistant. But I do need an accountant. And I...
Starting point is 01:31:59 Because also, because then the... I remember when I had... She's a stoolie, so you don't want her? Yeah, I don't want anyone who fucking knows me. I want a hooker. You know what I, when I, I remember when I had. She's a stoolie, so you don't want her? Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't want anyone who, like, fucking knows me. Like, I want, I want a hooker.
Starting point is 01:32:08 You know what I mean? Yeah, like, I'm not paying you to, I'm paying you to leave. Yeah. But then, like, when you have an accountant and they're like, okay, can you send me all the files? I'm like, where the fuck? I have them? Right.
Starting point is 01:32:16 What do you mean I have them? Well, that's why when you, I, that, my point is when you, if you get an assistant, you're hiring her, like life or him. I don't want to gender this. But like to me, it would be like if I'm doing this, I'll give you like a real salary and you are like a part of my life now. Yeah. Because then otherwise it's like what are we even doing here? And now you're just like kind of in my business.
Starting point is 01:32:39 I was like essentially an assistant like for talent management, whatever. And he like a month in when did this happen didn't you start working here right away i mean it was like an internship okay but it but like one month in he gave me the password to his like sugar daddy site to like everything he let me drive his bmw around la like i and i was like this do other people trust people like this like it was crazy he He was trying to fuck. What do you mean you were a sugar daddy's assistant? He was just a rich guy who happened to be a sugar daddy.
Starting point is 01:33:11 Or at least beyond a sugar daddy site. So you were a sugar baby. No, I didn't get paid. That's the part that you were a sugar baby? Were you doing the other part? Guys. I won't suck a dick if I don't want to suck a dick.
Starting point is 01:33:29 We know. We've established that. I have a line. Yeah, he was great. I'd go over and hang out. Never sex. He let me drive his BMW. I saw accidental sugar baby.
Starting point is 01:33:46 I didn't realize I was in this world it's like a horrible boss or whatever we're the millers you guys are getting paid yeah to sit around
Starting point is 01:33:53 all the other girls I saw this girl on Instagram who she had a picture like she was just like this she was like
Starting point is 01:34:00 and it said like it's so crazy and she takes feed pics and makes $500 a day she makes $45,000 a month and she's just taking foot pics and she was like and it said like it's so crazy and she takes feet pics and makes five hundred dollars a day she made 45 grand a month and she's just taking foot pics and she's like very open about it's like a joke on instagram she's like paint her toenails and like doing weird she's like putting like ketchup on them and stuff but she's making 45 000 like a month and she's like and and you know i think part of other pictures were like her driving in this car and
Starting point is 01:34:23 this bag and this bag and like. I don't understand how foot people. It's what Tommy was saying. It's the opposite of like the other side of the foot thing. It's like you're not fucking some guy. You're not sucking his dick, but you're getting paid like it because they're like their feet just as much. Yeah. But why is anybody getting. Why is that such a booming market?
Starting point is 01:34:39 Because it's like, can't you just get a free foot book pick? Like, I don't know. Because you dumb bitches are still like, I don't want to do that. I would be like, sign me up. Those dogs? Those are platinum. Yeah, but like. You could make so much money right now.
Starting point is 01:34:52 Thank you so much. Like, put a call out right now. There's definitely a rich stoolie out there, listener, who will pay you for feet. Yes. I told you guys I like tried it one time and he was like, take 10 photos. And I was just like, I don't know what to do. Well, you have to do. Yeah, you do have you do it ran out of angle see that's like that's exactly what I mean too with like what I was saying we're like if someone tells me something
Starting point is 01:35:11 I won't do it like I'd be I could be all in on feet pics and then someone says send me feet pics I'm like shut the fuck up yeah it's like the thing like I he will he's literally begging to give me money I'm like stop talking to me yeah goddamn loser I think when you hit a certain amount of money, though, you're like, I'll do it. The problem is you're doing your fin-doming for like $50. If it was $5,000, you'd probably be doing it. I don't know. That was a little weird. That was a little weird.
Starting point is 01:35:34 But to take the pics of the feet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess. Done. By the way, take like 100 of them in a day. You're done for the month. I just don't understand. Like, there's one, two, three, four, five.
Starting point is 01:35:48 Check out this girl's page. But then it's still. Oh, wait. Sorry. Sorry. I'm mixing things up. She was selling her gym socks. She would take her socks off and she would write her name in a Sharpie and she'd mail them.
Starting point is 01:36:00 She was making 500 bucks a day. She just mailed Mr. Socko. Because that's even like then you're not even getting creative. It's like here's just my sock. Yeah. I was making 500 bucks a day. She just mailed Mr. Socko. Because that's even like, then you're not even getting creative. It's like, here's just my sock. Yeah. I guess you got to work out. Then I could see myself being like, now I got to go to UPS.
Starting point is 01:36:10 Now I got to like. I remember reading, this is pretty recently. Shit, I've been saying like. I read an article about. Snap. A guy who had gamified his life. And he was like,
Starting point is 01:36:21 I gamified my life and it ruined it. You were thinking of Alex Bennett. Yep. And it was like, I would have to do every half hour of television i have to do 10 push-ups or whatever it was or some shit like that and he's like and then i realized like i was only doing things to get the set to get the privilege or the permission to watch tv and then because i had to do things to get that permission i wasn't't having fun doing it anymore. And I can see feet pics being like that,
Starting point is 01:36:46 the same thing, where it's like, I'm just doing this. I hear that. But I also think when that girl goes from like, I'm making minimum wage to I'm living my dream life. Well, there's the difference. If you're like, I am now traveling the world and driving a luxury car
Starting point is 01:36:59 and I have all the bags I've ever wanted. I mean, some of these girls are living, you know, yeah, all right. Especially like like only fans so we're talking more than feet it's like weird family and sex there's a whole bunch of shit i get it but if you get past that you're living a dream yeah that's that's a game changer you know yeah yeah if you have been if your minimum wage obviously do what you gotta do but if you like if you can survive i bet well this isn't fun yeah why am i doing it's the same thing with like you know what you do get an assistant take care of this bitch uh one more let's get out of here what's up guys uh love is blind episode the pod episode was great just had a bunch of questions about it like how did that
Starting point is 01:37:42 come to happen in the first place um netflix was in there the whole time like you just had to do the pod with them all watching you was that weird are they doing anything with that pod um yeah i don't know did you expect to say sheeran had like 15 times or did that just kind of happen? What did I say? And can I see running those pod? Yeah, I don't know. Fights, did you expect to say Sheeran Head like 15 times?
Starting point is 01:38:13 That just kind of happened. So, yeah, I don't know. Curious about it all. That was like an ad deal that Netflix paid for, but I think they knew that we were we me i was a big fan um it was it was funny because they were all there and i mean it is a operation dude like so they were like do you want to use our cameras do you want to use like this
Starting point is 01:38:39 angle we have this mic we have that and it was kind of like at first they we the idea was like we were going to use like our cameras too and then once we realized that they had like a way better and more professional setup it was like let's just go with you guys yeah but i mean we're doing headsets we're doing like you know multiple producers showing us the way like do this do that um it was it was way more like professional than we're used to i thought it it was going to be more awkward. Once we were in it, I was fine. Did you? Totally fine. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:07 I thought I was going to hold back and like, you know. No, I was just letting it rip. It was funny coming out. I did look enormously fat on that trip. I don't know why. Never wearing that shirt again. I looked huge. There was a picture.
Starting point is 01:39:20 No, you don't. Oh, my God. There was a picture you guys posted. I actually, when you, actually, I probably still have it. You sent me, like, the shared albums. And I looked at it right away, and I was like, oh, my God, it looks so fucking fat there. But I said to myself, there's no way they'll post that. And then they posted it to me.
Starting point is 01:39:36 How would I find, I hate the new thing, by the way. The new. Yeah. Terrible, right? Yeah. Like, awful, awful. Albums, probably, right? I don't know if I can find it.
Starting point is 01:39:49 I looked. Oh, yeah. Love is blind. I looked so fat. I'm upset I'm even bringing this up because now we have to put it out there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Bro, I don't even want to show this.
Starting point is 01:39:59 I don't even want to show this. I look so fucking bad. I look enormous. What is this? Why am I so entranced? Why is this so funny? You don't look like that. I look so fucking bad. I look enormous. What is this? Why am I so entranced by this knife? This is so funny. You don't look like that.
Starting point is 01:40:06 I looked enormous, dude. The big house. Yeah. I was like, big house, big house. I'm never wearing that shirt again, dude. I love it.
Starting point is 01:40:17 Jackie goes, you don't look like that. I literally do. That was me. No, you don't. Camera had sunbound. Camera had it like 50 pounds. Watch this clip of Fights.
Starting point is 01:40:38 You knew what you were doing. You remember doing that? I don't know. You were doing that. There's a 100% chance, not 100% chance, but there's a very good chance I knew what I was doing. I don't remember doing it. That's fucking great. Just staring at it.
Starting point is 01:40:50 Like, just, this is the moment. It was cool. If you're a fan of it, it was, like, awesome to be in the whole, in the lounge, drinking out of the Golden Goblets, all the things that the Love is Blind people do. I like when we came out and they were like i i honestly don't remember what we said i don't know what we did i don't remember anything then we came out and the producers were like did you know how you told that story in there that's what we call like uh i don't know pod trance you just start saying deep stories and i was like i don't know what i said in there but no it wasn't anything that i'm scared to say like they said um they call it like your hero there was that but there
Starting point is 01:41:29 was also something like your hero moment where you're like you just start like going and telling the truth and i was like this is just a podcast maybe it might be there might be something on your show where people really just start to like speak their truth but i was like this we do this all yeah you just put microphone in front of me I'll do it by the way I don't need to be in a room it's funny that this DM was
Starting point is 01:41:50 this woman does casting for reality shows oh have you talked to her at all no casting cast
Starting point is 01:41:57 she said I said how do I get my girl on Love Island what I came across this woman she said like she has casting in her name.
Starting point is 01:42:05 And she was like, I put people on reality shows and listed all the networks, all the shows. So I said, how do I get my girl on Love Island? And she goes, did she submit an application?
Starting point is 01:42:15 I'm like, well, yeah. I mean, I guess that is the first question. But I'm kind of like, yeah, I know that's the first step. Wait, that's so nice. Thank you. But she said, I'll ask them to check her out.
Starting point is 01:42:22 Oh my God, thank. Tell that, listen, you put out a check her out. Oh, my God. Thank you. Tell that. Listen, you put out a vlog about that guy. Send that tape in. You're getting on the show. I can't believe these people. I mean, did we tell the story about Chief? Did that make it to the air?
Starting point is 01:42:38 I don't know. Chief applied to Be On Love Is Blind season one or two. No, it was multiple seasons in. And he made it to the second, third, fourth, whatever round. And then they were talking back and forth. And he said, by the way, I'll bring the Barstool audience. Everyone will watch. It's going to be a big deal.
Starting point is 01:42:58 And they wrote back, we're a global phenomenon. We don't care. But that is true. But also, you're always in the in the game of getting more audience and shit and like you'll just get more attention yeah like i feel like i feel like like that would start the way for a male audience like yeah yeah right maybe not so much but like if chief brought a whole bunch of dudes to love his wine that would be a big deal yeah sure so i don't know why they they it's like i would just reserve there's a reason why traders and all those guys have people on there that are
Starting point is 01:43:27 known now because you bring their audience every time yeah so if love is blind had you know 22 regular people and the 23rd was like i have a little bit of a following like fuck yeah yeah yeah it seems like a no-brainer but also i mean do it love island like jackie will probably suck some guys dick i don't know no i won also i mean do it love island like jackie will probably suck some guy's dick i don't know no i won't i will do everything except all right we'll see you guys next time uh jack pocket you guys are well aware of our relationship with jack pocket they can help us doing everything from mega millions powerball any of your local lottery even lottery tickets right on your phone with jack pocket america's number one lottery app.
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Starting point is 01:45:32 Sponsored by Jackpocket. Based on 2024 iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower. All right, let's do it. We got Luke and Kristoff from the Rough Week show. You guys met on the road, right? That's where this all started about?
Starting point is 01:45:44 I met him in Austin. Yeah, yeah. Hanging out. What did you think of my boy here? That's where this all started about? We met in Austin Yeah, yeah Hanging out What did you think of my boy here? He's a good dude Yeah Started doing stand-up He's good at everything he does
Starting point is 01:45:53 It's fucking annoying Weirdly jacked Kind of sneaky jacked It's not even It's just that he's been saying Like, oh, I'm fat For like all these years So we're just like
Starting point is 01:46:01 Oh, you're out of shape, you're fat And then it's like No, you're fucking jacked He also You don't have jack guy face. No, no, no. He doesn't have jack guy face. It is the face. Jack guy body.
Starting point is 01:46:10 It is the face. You know what I say? He looks like, you ever see Cinderella Man? Yeah. He looks like a 1930s boxer. No definition. He'd have his wife Peter on and slacks pulled up to here. But he'll put you in your fucking grave.
Starting point is 01:46:24 You look like you work at like a brewery in pittsburgh but then down here you have like full staten island bro body it's good dude this definitely the first time we ever had him on described like like just pinned me right away like where he's like he's like you man hair, dude. Best friend face, but leading man hair. I was like, yeah, that's about how it goes. I caught a glimpse of him the other day. He took off his, we were in the airport, and he took off his hoodie, and his hair kind of got all fucked up,
Starting point is 01:46:58 and he looked exactly like Ed Sheeran. Yeah. And I was like. I have a buddy who looks just, dude, redheads are coming back. Yeah, you guys are having your moment, bro. No, I hate being compared to Ed Sheeran, dude. I fucking hate it. Why? Because he's an ugly little troll.
Starting point is 01:47:10 He's a beautiful songsmith. Yeah. He's literally hot. His music is ass, and he's really ugly. So I don't like it. We're not letting Ed Sheeran call. Ed Sheeran's the man. Dude, that's an insane take.
Starting point is 01:47:22 No, it's not. No, it's not. That's a psychotic take. No, it's not. Ed Sheeran is good. Ed Sheeran is the fucking man. Dude, that's an insane take. No, it's not. No, it's not. That's a psychotic take. No, it's not. Don't talk music with him. Ed Sheeran is good. Ed Sheeran is the fucking man. Yeah, Ed Sheeran's super sick, dude.
Starting point is 01:47:30 Him and Sam Smith. Those are my top two. I love Sam Smith. I'm not even talking about his music. I'm just talking about, I think he's the fucking cool dude. Have you met him? Do you know him personally? I have personally not met him, but people here have had nights out with him where it's
Starting point is 01:47:42 like, yeah, this guy gets drunk. I know he likes to drink To suck his face scares me that music is bad. I'll give you everything You're one of these hipster music guys Someone that I've never fucking heard of in my life. Brother, you have no idea. We get into the same argument every other day, which is just that I like something
Starting point is 01:48:11 or I don't like something and it drives him insane. It does drive me crazy. So what do you listen to? I don't know. I listen to all kinds of stuff. I don't know. It's a tough question.
Starting point is 01:48:20 I like old country music. I think we bond over that. Yeah, we cross over like John Prine, Jim Carrey. John Prine is like the circle where it crosses dude i was listening to i was driving home yesterday and i was listening to i remember everything and i remember the story jason isbell has which is like i think it's like the coolest story in the world jason isbell's daughter is john prine is her godfather or was he's dead right yeah um and she was his daughter was learning the guitar and she was learning i remember everything but she didn't know it was her godfather who wrote that song
Starting point is 01:48:49 who sang that song or anything like that so he turned the corner playing the guitar and singing it with her and i was like that's the most beautiful thing i've ever had in my life do you like do you like rc drive i don't know what that is yeah those guys suck there's a band that's about they're just like popping off right now and you grew up with them Do you like RC Drive? I don't know what that is. Yeah, those guys suck. There's a band that's just popping off right now, and you grew up with them. Oh, nice. I was playing some Isbell on a long car ride with my girlfriend,
Starting point is 01:49:14 and I was like, Elephant was coming on. It's like the saddest song ever. The saddest song in the fucking world. I'm like, Elephant on the road. I'm singing it, and my girlfriend's like, can you put on something different? I'm dating a Puerto Rican lady. She's not Puerto Rican. I'll just say she's Puerto Rican.
Starting point is 01:49:25 She's Mexican and Filipino. Two plus two equals lady. She's not Puerto Rican. I just say she's Puerto Rican. She's Mexican and Filipino. Two plus two equals four. That's Puerto Rican. Blue and green makes yellow. She's visually Puerto Rican and loves Bad Bunny. Birthday tickets. We lived in Orlando at the time.
Starting point is 01:49:42 For her birthday, I got us two tickets to see Bad Bunny. I also got us round trip flights to Tulum a couple months before. We went on a vacation. The Bad Bunny tickets were more expensive than a vacation to Mexico. That guy's no fucking joke. Dude, this guy, he came out two hours
Starting point is 01:49:58 late. Nobody in the crowd was upset about it. They were all also two hours late. They just met at the right time and he no opener dane cook style no opener and for the first like three minutes he just stands there and just takes in the girl puerto rican girl screams he just lets them hit his body that guy his dick must be Falling off of his body Oh god Like You cannot possibly
Starting point is 01:50:28 Fuck as much as that guy does No A Puerto Rican Like a reggaeton artist He's like He's the biggest guy in the world Yeah People don't realize
Starting point is 01:50:37 Last year's streams It was like He was top five Yeah Who is this? Bad Bunny Oh yes He's massive
Starting point is 01:50:44 I can't tell you one bad bunny song no i thought i could and and i even thought i knew what he looked like i was i was like i don't like him but i know him and i oh this song that song and then i heard them and i saw him and i was like totally thinking of a different guy um yeah i like that he had a quote recently where he's talking about because all his songs are in spanish and he's like, yeah, I just don't care. I speak English. I just don't care. Dude, I fucking respect the shit out of you.
Starting point is 01:51:12 If I ever made it big and someone was like, you need to do Spanish songs, I'd be like, no, I don't. Fuck that. I mean, I know it's obviously a little more international, but it's like, no. No. I'm just bringing sand to the beach if I make songs in English. I'm already as big as fucking humanly possible. What's next? Yeah, dude, it was insane.
Starting point is 01:51:28 I didn't know. I wasn't aware of the Bad Bunny fanfare until we went there. It was all like 16-year-old Puerto Rican girls and then me. You were so happy. You were so stoked. Dude, chill. You're like, is this heaven? I'm like
Starting point is 01:51:45 Why is this the best night Of my life I went to an Ariana Grande Concert once I was in the dog house With my girl at the time And I needed to make it up to her And I went
Starting point is 01:51:53 And that was Uncomfortable Yeah I was like We are out of place You're like a chaperone Yeah I mean it was just
Starting point is 01:52:01 Like a bunch of Like girls wearing Like cat ears And we listened to A couple songs And I was like Can we go She was like and she was a fan but she was like yeah let's get the fuck out of here it was the only time I've been somewhere you could just walk up and get booze there was no lines at like the adult store oh shit kids I was like another cocktail please let's keep it moving the cotton candy cart was packed yeah yeah bad bunny though is like the
Starting point is 01:52:22 bad bunny kind of like Thanos like when everyone's arguing about like who's the biggest act and the most streams and the most this it's like but then there's also Bad Bunny who will trounce everybody
Starting point is 01:52:31 you know what I mean we're talking about American acts and who could do the Super Bowl and who's the biggest rapper and Taylor Swift this and that
Starting point is 01:52:36 and then it's like but there's this guy looming over here and globally that will dominate the rest of you Kendrick's getting big now which I didn't see coming
Starting point is 01:52:43 not as big as he is he's like the biggest guy right now which I thought't see coming not as big as he is well he's like the biggest guy right now yeah which i thought he was going to be like an underground lyrical miracle it's very strange that he is yeah he still he gets i don't know how he did it he probably probably by just pitting himself against drake yeah definitely yeah like that's the main thing but it's like you he is that like backpack rap underground like that's what drake was saying about him like that's the head of style and then does the super bowl and does the grammys and does all the corporate shit but everyone's like yeah he's like underground rap
Starting point is 01:53:12 it's like no he's fucking yeah he kind of gets to get both yeah it's amazing he did a great job pr wise of keeping that balance because usually by now it'd be like oh you're like a pop act now and instead it's like nah you're the man well it's also sick it's i don't know if it's sick it's insane to see a guy get taylor swift big off of calling someone a pedophile you would think that doesn't have as broad a reach as it seems to have dude call people pedophiles is like a cottage industry they trapped them they beat them up at walmart there's a whole talk and pedophile talk just became so mainstream dude i said it like five years ago i was like we are throwing pedophile around way too much. Well, that's kind of Drake's argument in this whole thing.
Starting point is 01:53:49 It's like, this is a bit much. I think Elon was the one where I was like, all right, everyone fucking show up. The guy who criticized me called him a pedophile. Yeah, the kids were caught in a cave in Thailand, I think. And he was pumped to take them out. That is pretty funny. Elon was like, we'll just give a submarine. Let's get a submarine in there.
Starting point is 01:54:05 And some guy was like, well, it's a fucking underground cave, so you can't put a submarine in it. And he's like, well, you're a pedophile. And by some guy, it was an expert in that field who then ended up getting the kids out himself. And he was like, well, he's a pedophile. And people were like, whoa, Elon says this guy's a pedophile. I was like, you can't just say that.
Starting point is 01:54:23 That's a pretty big thing. A little too eager to save those children. That's so funny. Yeah, why do you want to go to that cave? There's a bunch of eight-year-olds on the other side. Is that what's going on? There's a bunch of Thai boys in a cave. Honestly, I can't.
Starting point is 01:54:38 I mean, it was such a bad year for Drake, obviously. He got so demolished and got clowned and all that shit. But there is something that's got to feel like you go against me, you mention my name, and I made you a fucking king. Oh, for sure. It's hard to swallow when the whole internet is making fun of you, but you end up number one at the end of the year, and everything is basically because of you, and it's just like, I'm still happy.
Starting point is 01:55:00 It's like when Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift. He's like, I made that bitch famous. Yeah, right. It kind of is what happened Yeah A little bit And like Yeah
Starting point is 01:55:09 You know That's the spin zone But it's a good one That like When they run into each other Eventually He could be like You're welcome
Starting point is 01:55:15 I'll send you the invoice Drake was definitely Losing his mind In the midst of the battle You could tell by the lyrics I mean the I knew that Epstein shit Was coming
Starting point is 01:55:24 I knew you wasstein shit was coming? I Knew you was gonna call me Weinstein There is like like I just said like you can't go around calling everyone a pedophile but like as long as you're not Yeah, you're like, okay Right now you like fucking a cheer you're a pedophile I'm not but like he's gonna be kind of funny to i saw a viral video of some guy being like it was like an old white guy like i remember the video right now talking about kendrick being like you know just tapped in for the first time and he was like i i'm a little confused because like is this true because then shouldn't we be doing something
Starting point is 01:55:58 about it right like shouldn't he be arrested or investigated or something it's like it's just a rap battle man yeah you just say what was just stop texting millie bobby brown that's all that's really it don't talk to 11 anymore and you're probably in the clear man did they ever leak those texts or was it just like yeah drake texts me on the red carpet that's all i think that's all i know i really want to know what they're texting surprise that hasn't come out yet by now. He's just watching the show. He's like, oh my God. Millie, you're so good. Millie, oh my God. Selfie of him watching Stranger Things.
Starting point is 01:56:33 Oh my God, Millie. The saddest text ever sent. He's like, I should sing. I should sing on Stranger Things season four. We were talking about the Steve Smith situation. That was so funny. I have a thought it's it's pretty crazy but i i said i think i would rather actually get cheated on than have the text message rearrange my iud out there in public she said she said you were so deep you rearranged my iud and it's like that's worse i think than actually getting cheated on
Starting point is 01:57:05 is everybody knowing that fucking text your wife was sending to steve smith it's a double whammy she cheated on you and then publicly told everyone he's got a huge nightmare and you threw an lol at the end right so rearrange my iud lol oh dude it's as a bills fan it's nice to see the ravens go through some turmoil It's been nice After that whole MVP battle We got Justin Tucker We got Steve Smith So people are fucking people's wives
Starting point is 01:57:31 And getting funky at the massage parlors I just want chaos I cannot imagine being Justin Tucker They make places for that That you can go do that You know what I mean He was just going to high end massage places Being like jerk me off Just go to the fucking ones can go do that yeah you know I mean like he was just going to like high-end massage places being like jerk me off you're like no I just go to the fucking ones where they do that yeah they're in Baltimore you can
Starting point is 01:57:51 find those like no problem it the the pets guy Robert grass but he was just at normal places and got caught at one of those normal yeah I'm like an Asian woman who's here to jerk you off. That's what we fucking do. Kraft got so fucking raked over the coals for that one. Yeah, he did. People are like, he's involved in sex trafficking. He's like, whoa, I wear Nikes. I don't fucking know how I got made.
Starting point is 01:58:18 We all use iPhones, okay, man? That was the same thing about the pedophile talk. It's like, we jumped to sex trafficking because the guy got jerked off by an Asian woman real fucking quick. Who was probably trafficked? I mean, she was certainly trafficked. You want to do this Kevin Bacon seven degrees of sex trafficking?
Starting point is 01:58:39 I mean, as a billionaire, that's about as mild as it gets. He is behaving himself a lot more than the others fellas he paid to have an adult jerk him off yeah like this guy's called america yeah in the scope of billionaires this guy's the same yeah the problem is the system not his little act yeah just let's legalize rubbing tugs yeah for sure it does feel like that's a like that we have legalized them yeah well it's like blind eye shit but that's how you get fucking you know that's how you get the thai boys or whatever my lawyer was telling me about a guy who lost like he was like a billionaire and he lost
Starting point is 01:59:15 like half his fortune because of a rub and tug i was like man you right you married the wrong girl if you're a billionaire and you give her a billionaire life and you can't even get a rub and tug that was the wrong fucking because again oh're a billionaire and you give her a billionaire life and you can't even get her rubbing, that was the wrong fucking joke. Because again, that's the bare minimum. Yeah. It could be way worse. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:59:31 were you guys rub maps guys? I just want to feel out the room here. Take a picture. Hey, tell me about the reaction. We know what it is.
Starting point is 01:59:39 Have I been to the site? Sure. Love the reviews. The reviews are the best. The best Yelp-esque system is the rub maps I feel like you gotta Sure. Love the reviews. The reviews are the best. The best Yelp-esque system is the Rubbed Mask Reviews system. I feel like you've got to pay to see the reviews. They show you a couple. I mean, no.
Starting point is 01:59:56 It's a trial. I mean, some of them are free to buy. Take the trial. You get that fucking app that tells you what subscriptions you still have. Like, fuck, I paid $300 to rub maps last year? Rocket money's like rub maps,
Starting point is 02:00:14 browsers. I've had a full-blown fight before with not full-blown, but calling Bank of America because my card got declined and being like, there's fraud. What do you call it? Charges?
Starting point is 02:00:28 Fraud activity? Yeah, fraud activity. Where he's like, your last three purchases are blank, blank, blank. And I was like, I don't even know what the hell that stuff is. Just, I don't know, give me a new card. I was trying to buy glasses, I think. I was like, I need the fucking glasses. So just can you get me access to it
Starting point is 02:00:45 and he's like well I can get you access if these were your charges and I was like I don't know what they are and the guy kind of
Starting point is 02:00:51 like almost like bro to bro he's like it's kind of how they mask OnlyFans sometimes and I was like oh word
Starting point is 02:01:01 that's me that's me. That's fucked up to flag OnlyFans. If you know it's OnlyFans, don't flag OnlyFans. Come on. They should look at your date of birth and gender and go, okay, yeah, he meant to. Like, what are we doing? It's like, oh, a man in his late 20s bought porn?
Starting point is 02:01:18 Yeah, we got to call this guy. I'm supporting fucking sex work, goddammit. That's right. It's right now. You're progressive. Dude, the Rub Map reviews, though. We're back to Rub Maps. Let's circle back to Rub Maps.
Starting point is 02:01:31 Look, if you haven't seen the reviews, because there's two types of reviews. There's the guys who are like, they'll be like, Chastity is an angel. And she talked to me. The massage was great. And the ending was even better and like she's got a great personality blah blah it's just like another one under it's like coarse hands the first one just sounds like those like lower things to do in the lower east like mean was excellent with her hands She used plenty of top five things
Starting point is 02:02:06 Top five ladies that get jerked off Happy time massage and flushing It's always that too It's like You find a place that has a sign That's like one hour massage for like $15 It's like okay I know what's going on here They're going to put a finger in my ass
Starting point is 02:02:22 $15 there's no way No. They're going to put a finger in my ass. Fifteen bucks? There's no way. No, but they're always way cheaper. Because they expect a $250 tip because they're going to get cum all over them. Yeah, my friend said he went to one and then they made him leave his wallet in the other room. They were robbing that guy.
Starting point is 02:02:40 Yeah, he just left. He was like, yeah, get naked and leave all your stuff in here. I'm going to go. We'll see you later. He was like, yeah. They're like, yeah, get naked and leave all your stuff in here. I'm like, I'm going to go. I'll see you later. Just the easiest theft ever. I'm in the middle of the worst. I hate checking my phone.
Starting point is 02:02:52 My cleaning person is outside my apartment. Cleaning children. And can't get in. And he's like, what do you want me to do? I'm like, I don't fucking. What does he usually do? I don't know. Keys in a lockbox.
Starting point is 02:03:03 He's like, the keys aren't working. I'm like, there's the same block and the same keys. So I don't know. You've done it a hundred times. Yeah. And he's like, okay, I'll just wait for you to call me. I'm like, I'm in a meeting. I said I'm in a meeting because I wanted to think about a real job.
Starting point is 02:03:12 Yeah. And I was like, I'm in a meeting. I can't help you right now. He's like, okay, I'll wait for you to call. So now he's going to sit here for an hour until I go call this guy? Tell his little children to pick the lock. Well, you have a cleaning man? Yeah. I'm not joking. have a cleaning man? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:03:26 I'm not joking. He has cleaning children. Yeah. He has a whole little family. Well, he's come with children before. There have been children there before. I don't know if it's a regular practice. Human trafficking.
Starting point is 02:03:35 Have you had the children clean or were they just hanging out? They were dirty. I'm always intentionally not there when he comes, which is why I have to lockbox him. This is the other thing. They show up at, they come at like nighttime.
Starting point is 02:03:46 They'll come at like 6 p.m., 7 p.m. He'll just be like, do you need a day? I'm in the city Monday. You need help cleaning. I'm like, yeah, that's great. And I always think he'll probably come during work hours. And he never does, except now when now it's a hassle that he is coming during work hours. But no, I never saw the children clean.
Starting point is 02:04:02 I saw, I like, I got home. I knew he was there so i just sat on a stoop across the street from my apartment and i was like i'll just wait till they come out and then i'll go back in he's called me before like 10 o'clock at night he's like just what i'm like what are you walking around i'm waiting for my cleaning people to be done you know it's so funny because usually people have cleaners because they're so busy that they don't have the time to clean. But you just sat across the room. While they cleaned is so funny. You could have cleaned in the same amount of time.
Starting point is 02:04:32 You stared at your window. You stared at a Jamaican guy through your window while he cleaned your countertop. Honestly, basically what happened. You can see into my apartment. I don't have blinds or anything. They came down. I was like all right they're leaving they're leaving and then out of the door came two kids walking upstairs I was like were they just cleaning my way we're literal children
Starting point is 02:04:54 just cleaning my apartment like that's kind of a bridge too far I'm not gonna do anything about it obviously but I just don't do they do they do a good job that's all I don't know really having immigrant children like watching the immigrant children clean your apartment that is like if you make it here you go home and tell your dad
Starting point is 02:05:13 I made it man yeah he could not understand anything about podcasting or comedy but you're like there are children cleaning my apartment and he's like oh my what are you hosting SNL
Starting point is 02:05:22 this is fucking huge are they Jamaican no probably Puerto Rican And he's like, oh my, what are you hosting SNL? This is fucking huge. Are they Jamaican? No. Probably Puerto Rican. Yeah. If I had to guess. Defer to Luke.
Starting point is 02:05:39 Speaking of that, when you were saying that earlier, I almost, did you find out she was, she's Mexican and Filipino? Did you know her ethnicity quickly? Like upon meeting her? Yeah. I immediately assumed Puerto Rican no dude I had the exact opposite where I thought I was dating a Latina chick for like six months and what was she Lithuanian what oh I'd be I'd be like I got ripped off furious I thought I was dating you wereina. You thought you were all fucking spicy? I was like, whoa.
Starting point is 02:06:06 John thought he had a DEI girlfriend. I was like, look at me. I can never get called racist again. Dude, that's like the Curb episode where Larry's lawyer pretends to be Jewish. Dude, it's like that. It's also like the Seinfeld episode when Elaine thinks she's dating a black guy, and she's dating a white guy. He thinks he's dating a Spanish chick.
Starting point is 02:06:23 That's a great fucking episode. The girl I saw had hair like Elaine, and I kind of like and I met her in the summer so she was really tan Did you have an accent? No, no. Okay, she was American. She was 100% American. Oh, she is. Yeah, she's American.
Starting point is 02:06:51 I can see what you're talking about. I was just picturing her with a Lithuanian accent, and you're like, I'm talking the tropics. She's like, hello, this is great. Are you Colombian? I love you so much. You're very sexy. Oh, my goodness.
Starting point is 02:07:06 Damn, dude. You've got to go to Santa Domingo. Wait, you're what? Devastating. Yeah, that is devastating. That would really upset me. Well, we're broken up now. As soon as you found out.
Starting point is 02:07:21 You're what? I agreed to date a Latino. You're like, look, Olga, you lied to me. It's the last straw, Helga. Thank fucking God. So your girl's Mexican and Filipino, is that it? Mexican, Filipino. Her dad's white.
Starting point is 02:07:36 But if you saw her, she is a Puerto Rican. So I'm getting half ripped off. She's from San Francisco. It's a big mission. Oh, wow, This is crazy. Is she quarter, quarter, half white? I think so. I think you're dating a white girl, bro.
Starting point is 02:07:52 No, you should see her. She does not look remotely white. No. No. I guess that's really all that matters. Yeah, that's really all that matters. No one's like, oh, I'm dating a Latina for the fucking history lesson they get. No.
Starting point is 02:08:03 As long as it looks that way. That's the goal. All that matters is that people see you walking down the street and think you're an interracial relationship. Hell yeah. They might think he's borderine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you?
Starting point is 02:08:15 I'm Italian. Italian. Oh, I saw a great, I think it was the Subway Takes guy. You know him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the people on the show said, Italians became white after 9-11. That's Bassam. That's our buddy Bass him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the people on the show said, Italians became white after 9-11. That's Bassam.
Starting point is 02:08:28 That's our buddy Bassam. Oh, yeah, okay. That's a great take. Dude, so I DM'd him after he did that, and I was like, dude, this is so funny, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, thanks, dude. And then two hours later, it's blowing up in my Italian family group chat.
Starting point is 02:08:39 Oh, really? But it's like, this is fucking brilliant. Because he was... I mean, it was funny on the surface, but then he started to break it down. Like, if you go back to those old movies, it always is like an Italian guy with like slicked back hair who's like the villain. And like, it's like, these Italians are bad guys. And then it's like, nah, you're on the good side now.
Starting point is 02:08:57 Stavi has a joke like that where he talked about going to Greece. And he's like, I thought Greece were white people until I got to Greece. And I was like, all right, never mind. Dude, when I went to Italy, I was like, everybody that I grew up with is a pig to these people. Oh, yeah. Italian Americans are not Italian. Disgusting.
Starting point is 02:09:13 They don't want to see Little Moe Mozzarella in the house. Like, they don't want any of us over there. They're all skinny and hot. Jersey Shore shit. No, no, no. We're not looking for that. That's European. You might be Italian, but you're still skinny and hot. Jersey Shore shit. No, no, no. We're not looking for that. Yeah, that's European. You might be Italian, but you're still European.
Starting point is 02:09:28 Yeah. Whereas this, we are Americans. Yeah, dude. We're all just fucking gross. They were like roasting me. The one guy gave me like, he was like a little family owned spot. And the guy behind the counter was the one also making the pasta. And he made me a great plate of pasta. And I was eating it.
Starting point is 02:09:43 And he's like, better than the Olive Garden in Wisconsin? Take it easy now. It is funny being over there because I'll say that here and then you get over there and you're like whoa, whoa, whoa hang on a second
Starting point is 02:09:55 those are my people. I fucking talk like that. I make fun of Olive Garden in Wisconsin. You leave that alone. You know O'Connor's take? No. The best take on this.
Starting point is 02:10:04 What is it? Chris's take is that real Italians and real Irish people leave that alone. You know O'Connor's take? No. The best take on this. What is it? Chris's take is that real Italians and real Irish people leave. Yeah. And that real ones leave and that there's more Italian people in New York City than there are in Italy. Like there's more Italian people in America than there are in Italy. There's more Irish people here than there are in Ireland. So the people not living there are the real ones.
Starting point is 02:10:23 Yeah. The real ones leave. You're just guarding Disney World for when we come back. So you can visit it. I can just see you saying that and Tommy going, what the fuck are you talking about? We were talking about it too. I was like, my uncle or my grandpa was stealing arcade machines
Starting point is 02:10:41 and selling them to fucking fund your afternoon walks, your siestas. Yeah. You know what I mean? My grandpa was in arcade machines and selling them to fucking fund your afternoon walks. Your siestas. Yeah. You know what I mean? My grandpa was in the mud over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was living in fucking trenches. He was living in- Sending money back over.
Starting point is 02:10:52 Yeah. He was stealing arcade machines and sending money back to Italy. Well, he sent, they all, the immigrants send money back to their families. Yeah. And then my grandpa, I'm pretty sure, was stealing old school arcade machines because my grandma's tiny little house, the basement, was filled with giant old arcade machines. Well, that'll do it, yeah. And he wasn't like – he didn't have a job.
Starting point is 02:11:12 He wasn't in the business. He would just do things and then recruit my drunk uncle to help him. Sounds like he doesn't have a job. It's to steal arcade machines. Yeah. He just came off someone's truck for sure. Yeah. We had old school like asteroids, like first generation.
Starting point is 02:11:26 We had Mr. Dew. We had Mrs. Pac-Man. But you had these. You're not selling them? I think these were the ones he couldn't move. You got the shitty ones? Yeah. You got the dumb games no one liked? No one's wanting Mrs. Pac-Man. Pac-Mans are flying off the shelves.
Starting point is 02:11:41 Yeah, Mrs. Pac-Man back then. So how'd you guys link up? The pandemic, I went down to Florida. Pac-Man's are flying off the shelves. Yeah, this is Pac-Man back then. So how'd you guys link up? I was, the pandemic, I went down to Florida, and I met him down in Florida, and it was funny. Is that where you're from? Yeah, yeah, I'm from Tampa originally. But we both lived in Orlando, what, 2020-ish?
Starting point is 02:12:01 I was living here for years, and it was fun, and then I really hated the lockdown, so I just was like, fuck it. I was going to say, you went for freedom. Yeah, he went for freedom.ida was great and then he moved back up here yeah and then we started doing the pod and then yep austin now we're in austin yeah yeah six months ago we moved to austin how's that it's great i mean comedy wise it's awesome yeah yeah friends are there and i mean it's a dumb but it is dumb it's funny it does it doesn't like like I don't think people know that image of it well I think of people think of it as like this
Starting point is 02:12:33 comedy thing and this hipster thing and you go there and kind of like this is like there's no weird is like it's not happening ever again we were saying that when we were down there last time. Like the key boss in weird, the people who invented that phrase could know that it just means like autistic Bitcoiners. Yes. It is weird, but it's not a good comment. I didn't mean a bunch of guys
Starting point is 02:12:56 who follow Vivek Ramaswamy on Twitter. Vivek! It's weird in a totally different way Yeah it's completely Yeah it's like Tech Tech Scary Weird
Starting point is 02:13:11 Yeah Creepy tech guys It's Oracle weird There's a lot of creepy tech guys here though Yeah Yeah It's denser Are they more
Starting point is 02:13:19 Like here you kinda Everyone's kinda cornered off in their sections Is Austin still like Everyone's with everyone Yeah Kinda Yeah it's not big enough For people to be cornered off in their sections. Is Austin still like everyone's with everyone? Yeah. Kind of. Yeah, it's not big enough for people to be cornered off in their sections. The comedy there, I remember I heard one criticism from someone who's down there
Starting point is 02:13:32 that like downtown Austin isn't fun to do comedy. Maybe not isn't fun. I believe the exact quote was like, they just say a slur and the fucking roof blows off the place i mean i think that that's an exaggeration yeah definitely don't get me wrong there's a fair amount of slurs there's slurs flying left and right he's like just say retard in the place yeah yeah i think that's uh but it's also like kind of known in the scene that that's a bit of a cheat code it's kind of like all the scene that that's a bit of a cheat code. It's like a hack. All the comics are like, that's kind of hack.
Starting point is 02:14:05 Like you can't just say gay. You know what I mean? It's like it might work, but no one in the scene is like, yeah, this guy is awesome and cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like a chick here being like, um, it's called consent. And the crowd goes fucking nuts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like a –
Starting point is 02:14:21 Fucking hate rape. Yeah. Women are actually beautiful. Yeah. And you're like, oh, thanks. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a- Fucking hate rave. Yeah. Women are actually beautiful. Yeah. And you're like, oh, thanks. Yes. No, I thought they were pigs. I like doing stand-up more down there. It's been fun here, but it's nice down there because it's more dudes in the audience.
Starting point is 02:14:36 Dude, this city's become a- Manhattan's a chick fest, bro. Wow. It's a fucking chick fest. At shows, at least. I mean, yeah, I've done shows here where there's like 60 people in there. There might have been seven dudes. Really? Wow.
Starting point is 02:14:47 It's lady dominant. Ladies do stuff. Maybe you guys are just a bunch of big pussies. You should just come out with your own pussy room. Please show me the cool bro rooms in Manhattan. I really want to know where they are. Because if you're in lower Manhattan and chicks are going out like that's who you know what i mean that's what they do i mean it's also just been such a comedy like boom and yeah golden era that it's like let's go to the comic club you know
Starting point is 02:15:13 what i mean it's become just whether you like it or know it you do it and there's hot people doing it now we talked about it yeah there's some babes doing it dude I was at the bar the other night there were some comedians there and I use that term very liberally and there was a girl and she's a comic I was looking at her I was like this is a hot girl at the bar she's not because it used to be like when I came up the comedian girls were like Jordan Jensen
Starting point is 02:15:38 and Maddie Smith they're kind of like stringy haired and half autistic and like two of the funniest by the way they're hilarious they're my friends they're hilarious but they're not like babes and you but like after the ninth open mic you're like looking at jordan's side you know you get like that every comedian chick there was like there's something about her that's kind of cute now it's like this is a hot girl in las vegas at a nightclub like this girl is hot any any good or no no you can't attract it because i i think like if you could tell like one if you
Starting point is 02:16:14 look like that you could tell one decent joke you're good probably not even she's probably doing successful anyway without it but you can just be mildly funny like one time you're fucking golden yeah i i think it's it's it's like anything else when it gets popular it's like instead of like you know
Starting point is 02:16:28 the core people it just grows outward you know and the algorithm I think by the way I don't like hot dude comics either
Starting point is 02:16:35 yeah alright chill dude chill you invite Luke and I onto your podcast a couple studs right to your face like this
Starting point is 02:16:44 a couple studs we A couple studs. We're trying to make sex into comedy. That's what we're the sex guys. Kristoff is a sexy guy. I'm a sexy motherfucker, dude. Kristoff gets real light skin on stage. You got that hair, bro. I'm sure they like to run their hands through that.
Starting point is 02:16:58 Dude, I mean, a friend of mine, he hadn't seen me do comedy, and I was in Florida doing comedy, and after the show he goes, yeah, I like your style. It's like you're not trying to get pussy up there. seen me do comedy and uh i was in florida doing comedy and and after the show he goes yeah i like uh i like the i like your style it's like you're not trying to get pussy up there he's like women will not like this but i'm your friend and i like it and i'm like what do you mean by that you're like it's kind of off-putting kind of intense i was like shut the fuck up i don't know what yeah i couldn't appeal to women if i putting intense is unbelievable i couldn't appeal to women if i i don't know how to i'm physically
Starting point is 02:17:33 you know what i mean it's like it's like an autistic person in sarcasm it just doesn't go i have no clue what they like i mean mean, I have a decent amount of Instagram followers, and I look, it's 95 men. It's like 95 dudes. And they're like 25 to 35 dudes. The boys. It's the only people who follow me online. I remember before Shane really blew up,
Starting point is 02:18:01 he came to one of our live podcasts, and it's usually a bunch it's usually a lot of couples so it's like 50-50 guy girl and he was like what is this? Like I don't think there's any females
Starting point is 02:18:11 at my show. Now he's playing to the entire world so it doesn't matter. But yeah I think that's a good brand for comedy though. I feel like that's
Starting point is 02:18:20 the funny thing. It's usually like podcast world like it's totally cool with me. Yeah. We can't help I mean I really can't
Starting point is 02:18:26 I cannot it's not like yes I'm going to appeal to men I'm going to sit down and figure this out yeah there wasn't a strategy
Starting point is 02:18:35 that guy was giving man I'm just going to I'm going to get a business consultant and ask him how I can appeal to men more he's like no women are ballsulsed. Tell him the thing you said about the hottest you can be.
Starting point is 02:18:50 Oh, is Andrew Santino. If I worked really hard, if I lost 40 pounds and got in shape and took better care of my face and shit, then I would be Andrew Santino level high, which is he's a good-looking guy, but there's a ceiling. There's a hard ceiling for gingers out there. Yeah, we were like lamenting a lack of success.
Starting point is 02:19:10 Just having like a, what's fucking going on? What are we doing? Great session. Yeah, and he was like, I mean, dude, you're kind of cute. The best I could look like is fucking Andrew Santino. You're kind of cute. You know he's getting bleak when you're talking about the homies.
Starting point is 02:19:29 This is like an eternal battle Luke and I have. He takes great care of himself. Yeah. Like, he eats well. He hasn't been drinking. He, like, puts on fucking skin care, whatever the hell. He gets a haircut. Yay!
Starting point is 02:19:42 Yay, yay, yay! Hey, what the fuck? Dude, he gives me shit for not putting on sunscreen. He's a haircut Hey Hey Hey Hey What the fuck Dude he puts He gives me shit For not putting on sunscreen He's a redhead We live in Texas He doesn't wear sunscreen
Starting point is 02:19:51 You need sunscreen bro No thank you You don't wear sunscreen Never Not never If I'm going on a boat If I'm going to the beach Which is rare
Starting point is 02:19:58 But if I do You know I'm putting on I'm putting on sunscreen But this guy He's walking to the store He's walking to a bodega He's like I gotta put on my creeps this guy, he's walking to the store. He's walking to a bodega. He's like, I got to put on my creeps. He goes, I can't be outside if I don't put on my creeps.
Starting point is 02:20:08 That actually is gay. It's been super gay. It's so gay, dude. It's super gay. He's like, I don't want bags under my fucking eyes. Okay, okay, rebuttal. Can we tell him the reason he doesn't, he's got the most autistic reason
Starting point is 02:20:24 that he doesn't wear sunscreen He goes I don't like the way the goop feels on my face Using the creeps When I used to get like real bad sunburn as a kid For some fucking reason I don't know why But then that aloe would come out
Starting point is 02:20:37 And I'd be like It's cold I was so bad about it I hated it I hate the creams Dude The fact that you grew up in Florida You grew up up in Florida and you look like this and never wore sunscreen. It's a miracle you don't have cancer.
Starting point is 02:20:52 You look like the person who's ever been to Florida, let alone grew up there. I appreciate that. That's a compliment. You look like you were born and raised in Nova Scotia. Yeah. I was going to say Minnesota. You're a Vikings fan. Yeah, I wish, dude.
Starting point is 02:21:04 No, I love Florida, dude. I don't actually disparage Florida. It's the best. go yeah i was gonna say minnesota you're a vikings fan yeah i wish dude but i i uh no i love florida dude i don't actually disparage florida it's the best but then i did get some recess once some recess we got sunburned at recess so sometimes i don't know like our schedule was weird and sometimes like recess would be longer or pe it was pe and it'd be like instead of 45 minutes it was an hour and a half pe i got cooked i was playing football out there i just got fucking sunburned at school humiliating and then you were like and i was playing football out there i just got fucking sunburned at school humiliating and then you were like and i was like you were like my dad didn't wear sunscreen he's fine and i was like he didn't get skin cancer you're like i mean he did
Starting point is 02:21:33 he's dead now he got one little my dad is like as pale as i am he's not a redhead, though. But he worked HVAC in Florida in the sun constantly and never wore sunscreen. And he had one little dot of what's it called? Melanoma. Melanoma. And they zipped it off his face with a fucking razor. And now he's fine. There's one little scar right here.
Starting point is 02:21:59 And now he's fine. I'm looking after you. You're not looking after me, dude. I want you to be healthy. You do not. I want you to be healthy. You do not. I want you to glow, dude. Dude, I remember my first tropical vacation I ever took as myself. Not with my family.
Starting point is 02:22:13 With friends. And we were in high school. But I went down there and I was like, I'm going to... I think I was a junior in high school. I was like, I'm going to finally bang this chick. A girl I've been looking forward to. Kind of friend zone kind of deal. And I was like, I'm going to finally like bang this chick. Like a girl I've been like looking forward to, like kind of, you know,
Starting point is 02:22:27 friend zone kind of deal. And I was like, we're going to fuck for sure. And I met everyone there. This is one of the saddest stories. By the way, dude, I was like the last person there. So I met everyone at the beach and they showed up.
Starting point is 02:22:38 I showed up and they're like, you should put on sunscreen. And I was like, no way. I'm not a sunscreen guy. Like my parents make me do that, but I don't use sunscreen. Oh yeah. So the whole day I was out. And I was like, no way. I'm not a sunscreen guy. My parents make me do that, but I don't use sunscreen. Oh, yeah. So the whole day I was out there, I got like, it must have been third degree burns.
Starting point is 02:22:50 I couldn't have the lights on in the room. So I would just lay in my room, and my friends and the girls mostly had worked out a schedule where they'd come in and they'd run aloe on me. And I would just lay in their lights out for like two days. And I was like, but when I get out, I'm finally going to fucking run. You're just bricked up with sun poisoning. Your boys are rubbing aloe on you.
Starting point is 02:23:16 Happy ending turnover run out. Your dick starts raising. Just peel it. And I get out and I was like alright I only got like two days left I gotta find her
Starting point is 02:23:27 I gotta fucking lock this in finally and I ask my friends I'm like yo where's Amanda at like oh she's down the beach with I forget
Starting point is 02:23:33 his name began with an A and I walk down the beach to find her and just some local Bahamian is banging her on the beach
Starting point is 02:23:41 oh beautiful Bahamian man just a big Bahamian man you saw a guy fuck her on the beach. Oh, beautiful bohemian man? Just a big bohemian man. You saw a guy fuck her on the beach? I was walking down out of the house and I could just see it on the beach and I was like, I'm going to go back inside. She was fully having sex?
Starting point is 02:23:56 Fully having sex. We were in Nassau, we were in Harbor Island, which is a really tiny little island, and we had our own house. And you're just watching a Caribbean guy bang your chick? And you're like, one day this man will clean my apartment. Doesn't sound like it was his chick. So you know she's 15, pedophile!
Starting point is 02:24:12 And you're like, one day this man will clean my apartment. I will have his seed. I will have my revenge. His seed will clean my freak out. There, kid. It's so funny to just walk across the street, just smoke cigarettes, watching people clean your apartment. Such a power move. It is a power move.
Starting point is 02:24:36 He still texts me. I don't know what to do. I'm like, you can just go home, man. I don't know what to tell you. It's over, pal. Yeah, just don't worry about it. All day, man. All day.
Starting point is 02:24:44 So you guys, the podcast is Rough Week? Rough Week. How long you been doing that? Two years. Two years, yeah. That started off and started here. Started here. Yeah, maybe February 22 or 23?
Starting point is 02:24:57 Yeah, something like that. Or 23, February 23. Once a week? Once a week, then we got two on a Patreon. Yeah, yeah. Two on a Patreon. We got two extras on the Patreon. Two extras? You're doing three per week? Once a week, then we got two on a Patreon. Yeah, yeah. Two on a Patreon. We got two extras on the Patreon. Two extras?
Starting point is 02:25:07 You're doing three per week? Yeah. You better be charging a boatload for that. We do a $5 and then the $10 one. So one episode's $5. The $10 one is a debate show. It's called Gentleman's Duel. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:25:17 And we bring in takes that we know are going to piss each other off. Yeah. Like Ed Sheeran's the man. Like Ed Sheeran. Like, yeah. That would drive him up a wall. Luke loves Ed Sheeran. Wait. Luke loves Ed Sheeran, like, yeah. That would drive him up a wall. Luke loves Ed Sheeran. Wait.
Starting point is 02:25:27 Luke loves Ed Sheeran. I don't. Put that in now. What's the take that bothered him the most? Well, we got into one actual argument. We did. I don't even remember what it was. We both felt bad about it.
Starting point is 02:25:39 Yeah, we started screaming at each other. It was about the movie Onora. Yeah. And then we both really fell into our stereotypes of like, Kristoff's kind of a condescending dork. I can see where the argument started. And I'm like an angry, lug-headed wop. Sort of.
Starting point is 02:25:58 These are our defaults. Yeah, these are our... So it's about that movie Anora. And I was like, I didn't really like it. And he was like, why? Because he liked it. And then I was listing the reasons. And he was like, you didn't get it. And I was like, yes and I was like, I didn't really like it. And he was like, why? Because he liked it. And then I was listing the reasons, and he was like, you didn't get it. And I was like, yes, I did.
Starting point is 02:26:09 Oh, I hate that. So then he starts basically being like, you're stupid. And he's poking at me. And it's working. Oh, completely working. And I go like, so embarrassing. And then you became a lug headed wop. Dude,
Starting point is 02:26:25 I felt so embarrassing the next day. Don't condescend to me. That was the energy I'm like. Dude, it was so funny because, I forget how it got to it, but you were, it was like before Trump won,
Starting point is 02:26:37 and you were like, oh, Trump fucking wins. I hope Trump fucking wins. Yeah, that was, dude, that was my angry report.
Starting point is 02:26:44 You were like, all you liberal pussies deserve every little piece of shit. Dude, that was my go-to ripcord. Anytime somebody that even seemed a little hipster-y would bother me, I'm like, Trump's going to put these people in fucking camps. Camps, dude. Camps. So funny.
Starting point is 02:27:01 It would be like he goes to a hipster coffee shop, and he's like, can I get regular milk? And they're like, what do you mean regular milk? And he's like, Trump is coming for you, motherfucker. Yeah, I was unleashing him like a Pokemon. Just my secret Republican beliefs. Trumpion coming out of the Pokemon. Wait, what's the argument for an orc?
Starting point is 02:27:22 Because I've seen it twice, and I did not like it. It's just, I don't know. I just really liked it. I thought the performance was really good. I thought it was, like, funny. I thought the characters actually made sense. I feel like, I don't know, and they, like, liked each other and they were just fun to, like, root for.
Starting point is 02:27:38 It was also, like, a lot of real comedy in it. I thought it was very funny. That's all fair. That's all right. I just can't stand, like, there's too much, like, the whole second act. I was like, there's all fair that's all right I just can't stand there's too much like the whole second act I was like there's too many alarms and too much screaming
Starting point is 02:27:49 yeah and shit shattering it's a lot like I don't think that movie exists without Uncut Gems it's sort of like a pornographic almost version of Uncut Gems
Starting point is 02:27:57 which I love Uncut Gems Uncut Gems rules yeah Paz loves both of them yeah they're both great. I mean, that last, I don't care if I spoil it, Nora. I don't think anyone out there is like, are you fucking kidding me, Nora? I was going to wait until it came out on Blu-ray.
Starting point is 02:28:14 But, yeah, the end scene is, you know, she just, like, fucks this other guy because who's actually been kind to her the whole time because she's, like, a working girl. But he's, like, kind and normal to her and treats her like a human being rather than a commodity to put your cock into yeah and she doesn't even understand it she calls him like the f-word for gay people repeatedly and then by the end just like cries and puts his cock inside of her and just starts weeping and you're like what i'm fucking moving that that scene was very good and you're like what a god he's crying she's crying yeah and like so pissed because like her life sucks i think he's like her life doesn't suck she's a stripper in manhattan
Starting point is 02:28:56 oh you live oh you live in coney island with your sister big fucking deal oh i feel so bad for this whore and i was like okay first of all you're lug headed whopping right now second of all sex workers are people third of all you're gay I thought that people thought it was like the most amazing movie ever like you have to really feel
Starting point is 02:29:18 very sympathetic for her character which I didn't really this was my argument you do not have to feel sympathetic for her character which i didn't really this was my argument i go you don't have to you do not have to feel sympathetic for her character like very like you can but you can understand logically why she got her hopes up and why she's deluded and stupid and it's sad it's stupid stupid and sad and funny all at the same time because this hooker thinks she's gonna marry a russian oligarch but it doesn't work out and she's devastated. I mean, that's so funny.
Starting point is 02:29:46 First of all, so funny. I mean, she's like, oh, I'm gonna marry the fucking he's Russian and rich and shit. It's like so funny. She Mexican and Filipino? Yeah, she's Mexican and Filipino. I think it reminded, no, I'm not gonna say that. I think that
Starting point is 02:30:01 horror reminded you of your girl. I could see your girl watching that movie and be like, she's stupid. She's fucking stupid. What are you so stupid for? She thought she was going to marry him.
Starting point is 02:30:11 She's stupid. I almost verbatim what she said. She was like, she thought she was getting a come up and it's like, no.
Starting point is 02:30:22 And it's like, no. I love Autumn so much She's the best Sorry I said her name I don't even care Speaking of that You know who's the worst
Starting point is 02:30:28 Is that Ashley St. Clair chick Who was I mean I hate Elon Musk And all the bad things That can happen to him Sounds good to me But that chick is She's a
Starting point is 02:30:36 Who's she She's Ashley St. Clair It's the girl That got knocked up She's a right wing Twitter persona She's the Oh
Starting point is 02:30:42 She's like I think they're silly For custody But she like I mean planned this shit To fucking Down to the right-wing Twitter persona. She's the... Oh. She's like a Greek statue person. But she like, I mean, planned this shit to fucking
Starting point is 02:30:48 down to the every detail. Like, DMs of her talking to other girls being like, I'm trying to get pregnant by Elon Musk.
Starting point is 02:30:56 Which is not difficult. That's kind of on you if you're a billionaire. Like, well, people are trying to get pregnant with your kids. For sure.
Starting point is 02:31:00 But he loves this shit. Yeah, no, he wants to impregnate 6,000 people. He's got his cum in a freezer. They probably didn't even fuck. Yeah. She probably just like, was like impregnate 6,000 people. He's got his cum in a freezer. They probably didn't even fuck.
Starting point is 02:31:08 She probably just was like, I'll just show me the freezer. And then she squatted over a test tube. And he's just cracking it on the ice rack. It's just ice cubes of cum. He's popping it in there. She just sits upside down with an ice cube of cum. They were using one of those, I don't know what app it was, but it was one of those disappearing messages.
Starting point is 02:31:26 And you can't screenshot and stuff like that. But she was, from the jump, taking pictures of the phone. Of her phone, yeah. So it was like, this is... It's so funny how easy that is to get around. It's the most easy thing on earth to figure out. I applaud them for even trying and not just being like, yeah, people are going to fucking put your shit out there. Yeah, it's nuts. There's no screenshots, whatever. Oh, it's encrypted. I'm like, yeah, people are going to fucking put your shit out there. Yeah. There's no screenshots.
Starting point is 02:31:45 Oh, it's encrypted. I'm like, I have a camera. This is really ruined by the fact that my laptop has a webcam. Really fucking tricked her. You've caught my cyber dust. She took my Cyberdust He keeps calling it Cyberdust Please If they're in court stop calling it
Starting point is 02:32:13 He's the worst You know what the worst part about him is Is He could be awesome Like he's a brilliant mind And did all this cool shit in science And rockets and all that shit. Do you know he did none of that?
Starting point is 02:32:28 Well, I was also going to say. He bought every company he owned. He did not start any. I think PayPal was the only one he actually did stuff. But generally speaking, I think he's a smart dude. And if he just stayed in that lane and was like, I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to be cool. I'm just the science guy.
Starting point is 02:32:43 You could be interesting and do podcasts. He's some kind of Neil deGrasse Tyson figure. Yeah, right, right. People don't like him either, but whatever. You know your way. He's kind of an asshole, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He's definitely a condescending prick. You got beef? No, not really, but I would like to start that here now.
Starting point is 02:33:01 I want to get on what's his podcast called? Star something stupid as hell what's like star lord and he's like space is actually far away and you're like oh thanks neil fucking piece of shit i think he didn't he he got some scandals did he he there was like it was like one of those like he's fucking kids it's one of these like he was mean to me in college and now we're both 50 and you're like yeah
Starting point is 02:33:26 yeah well he he massacred who's that actor the guy from Hustle and Flow oh god yeah that was like a brutal yeah
Starting point is 02:33:35 dude I love Terrence Terrence Ross I'm team Terrence dude Terrence Howard he made a like a thesis like a fucking big thesis
Starting point is 02:33:44 about something like how zero is the lowest number or something. Dude, it was so funny. And he sent it to Neil deGrasse Tyson and all these people. And he wrote back, like, negative numbers exist. Like, that's it. Like, your whole thing is invalidated by just, like, negative numbers exist. And he went on Joe Rogan. Terrence Ross was like, Neil deGrasse Tyson was so mean to me
Starting point is 02:34:05 and it was like, because you had the dumbest fucking theory of all time. Dude, he thought one times one equals two. Yes, that's what it was. That's what it was. He thought one times one
Starting point is 02:34:12 is equal to two. It's so funny to watch a schizophrenic man. Yeah, he's having issues. He's just a schizophrenic. Yeah, dude. I saw all this stuff leading up to it
Starting point is 02:34:21 when he was just on the red carpet. Like, he was on the red carpet for like Captain, not Captain America. What was he in? He was in the – He was Iron Man. He was Iron Man.
Starting point is 02:34:29 Yeah, and then he got booted out of the – He wanted a pay raise. He wouldn't stop talking about one times one equals two. He's a fucking terrorist on the set with fake math. Yeah, he's trying to negotiate his contract. They're like, Terrence, you don't know what you're talking about. It's like one trillion is actually a number. You owe me $100,000 it's like i'd like to be paid in the quantum realm he's awesome no but he's on the red carpet they're like uh how was filming this and
Starting point is 02:34:58 he's like i've just been on a whole new wavelength he's like numbers are not real he's like stars are within our reach they're like okay everybody let's see one of those 360s it's so great stars are within reach is such a great line i love that guy i I love just listening to someone. I mean, it's kind of not quite Kanye, obviously, but it tickles a similar thing to me. I'm like, just break out of the food war. I want to see a breakdown. It's in the Cat Williams genre of podcast. Yeah, but dude, I don't know.
Starting point is 02:35:38 I hold Cat Williams in higher regard. But Cat's usually talking about shit he knows. He's talking about comedy. Yeah, there's some weirdness. Terrence Ross trying to tell me that you are a mathematician operating on a different plane. He's like, I'm half wizard, half numbers. And you're like, fuck yes.
Starting point is 02:35:54 Dude, honestly, props to Rogan just being like, just go off. I was going to say, he did a full Rogan podcast, and I think Joe just let him do it. He just let him cook. Yeah, one times one is two. That was good, bro. bro he's like fuck yeah the uh you just saying kanye reminded me that i kanye is in some kind of feud with dave the owner of barstool and was that video real i don't know someone's talking about this week yeah right now yeah oh like a couple days ago and uh he was like
Starting point is 02:36:24 tweeting at dave being like you're i forgot your rug pull and i don't know it was all it was it was kanye and memes coins and i was like what about dave bothers kanye what what did you treat about well so someone my dad actually told this weekend he's like you see dave and kanye are fighting and i was like no i didn't see that dad and he like kind of went on to explain it to me and i was like no i didn't see that dad and he like kind of went on to explain to me and i was like yeah i got understood and then like two days later our buddy texted us the video and was like this is crazy and i was like wait he's in a nazi he's in a swastika shirt while he's doing this and i thought it was great like my dad didn't even think to mention that like as you can assume, Kanye was in a swastika shirt. Oh, my God. Full-blown swastika shirt. So crazy.
Starting point is 02:37:09 And I thought for a second that, like, it looked like his face was, like, a little filter. Well, that's true. All right, guys, hear him out. So he's getting into the crypto meme coin game. He sold his Twitter account for $20 million. Kanye? Yeah. Oh, God. So the guy started tweeting at Dave. He sold his Twitter account for $20 million. Kanye? Yeah. Oh, God.
Starting point is 02:37:25 So the guy started tweeting at Dave. He sold it to a crypto bro. And this guy's going to launch a coin. And Dave's been doing that. So all of a sudden, Kanye, at Kanye West, is tweeting at Dave. And everyone was like, what the fuck? But it was actually this other dude. But then that video came.
Starting point is 02:37:37 And it was like, OK, well, no. Kanye is involved in this. Just fucking crazy, man. Crazy. Wait, so Kanye's doing crypto now? Yeah. Wow. I think his plan is to launch a meme coin.
Starting point is 02:37:49 Because Portnoy's been crushing it with the meme coins, right? Well. Not crushing it? He's not making money, but in his mind, he's breaking down barriers. He's trying to prove a point. Yeah, well, when you have as much money as him, you just have fun
Starting point is 02:38:05 that's Elon stuff let's go terraform Mars that's crazy you know let's go he started well he didn't start one but somebody started
Starting point is 02:38:12 a Barstool coin that he jumped on on board with and it was doing well for a while and at one point he could have sold it for like 4 or 5 million bucks
Starting point is 02:38:20 and he just didn't crazy and he's making a point but it's also like it's just that's just not enough money for him to to sell which is fucking nuts that's crazy whereas the money that i lost on it definitely was impactful one time i was i started comedy in boston i took the megabus here and i got off right around here just to take a weekend trip to do shows in new york and
Starting point is 02:38:41 i got off the megabus and i'm like trying to find where this subway is and dave portnoy is walks past me in a suit and he's screaming into a bluetooth headset and i'm like i'm in the fucking big apple dreams are made of wait you started in boston yeah where was i mean i started just all over i mean nick's comedy stop was like the first place i think i ever headlined. And like, yeah. So you went from Buffalo to Boston or did you go to school in Boston? I went to Emerson for one year and, I mean, not. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:39:13 Yeah. I dropped out. But I did go, technically go to Emerson. I am an Emerson alum. Me and Jay Leno. It's like the one school John didn't touch. Yeah. I'm the alum of many schools.
Starting point is 02:39:24 Are you from Boston? I'm from Fall River, which is about 45 minutes south. Yeah. I'm the alum of many schools. Are you from Boston? I'm from Fall River, which is about 45 minutes south. Yeah, I know Fall River. You know Fall River? Of course. How? I mean, from doing shows and stuff. Real shithole, dude.
Starting point is 02:39:35 Getting sausage. Fall River. Is that the best town? I don't know. I grew up there. No. It's more, I more get people, I tell people I'm from Fall River, and they're like, whoa. Yeah. And I'm like, I grew up there. It's more, I more get, like, people, I tell people I'm from Fall River, and they're like, whoa.
Starting point is 02:39:46 And I'm like, I grew up there, it was fine. Fall River, New Bedford, with the Portuguese. The Portuguese, baby. Dude, I knew a chick that lived in New Bedford, and she was like, there's Portuguese gangsters down there. And I was like, I think you mean Puerto Rican. And she was like, no, they're Portuguese. And then I went there, I was like, she's not fucking around.
Starting point is 02:40:02 They're Portuguese gangsters. I don't know. Not even Brazilian. No, Portuguese. It're Portuguese. And then I went there. I was like, she's not fucking around. They're Portuguese games? It's like, I don't know. Not even Brazilian. No, Portuguese. It's Portuguese from the Azores, which is like an island kind of in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, but technically belongs to Portugal. And like, they all came to Fall River. Like, they came to Southeastern Mass.
Starting point is 02:40:17 It's like, I'm not Portuguese. It's probably 95% of the city is Portuguese. Wow. I had to quit youth soccer because they wouldn't speak English to me. Like, everyone just spoke Portuguese. And they were probably rainbowed and overused. I was like, I don't know. 85% of the city's Portuguese Wow I had to quit you soccer because they wouldn't speak English How's practice then like I don't know they don't talk to me They only speak Portuguese to each other I don't know did you pick up any Debbie ofapra Kaj. It means go home. Chupa mi pelo means suck my dick. I put that one together.
Starting point is 02:40:49 Penis. Boston's great, dude. I love living in Boston. Yeah, but I really don't go back much anymore. But I do like Boston. Boston's the best. I lived in Alston, Brighton, Summerville. I lived all over. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:41:01 Dude, that was where we did the fucking Santa Claus video. I was riding around It was like some ad deal And it was like Lisa mattresses And I was just riding I was on Fucking
Starting point is 02:41:12 What do they call it Austin Christmas So I was dressed as Santa Like riding On the back of a U-Haul Just riding A A
Starting point is 02:41:19 A Mattress Like it was a sled And the police pulled us over They were like What the fuck Are you doing I was like I'm dressed like Santa in august riding a sled what don't you get bro austin christmas you can't keep doing that i remember my buddies from boss dude i love boston guys are probably
Starting point is 02:41:37 the funniest people i've ever met just like in life there's there's such a great irish catholic misery yeah I love being miserable they're comfortable in misery they're funny and until they go very funny we were in a group chat my buddies from New York and it was me and then our two buddies one was from the Polish triangle in dorchester and the other one is a legit southie shot of kyle mcnally he's a fucking he looks like a potato and they were calling us gay for knowing who jack kerouac is we were like i That's awesome. We were like, we were like, I mean, on the road, you know, it's kind of like
Starting point is 02:42:25 one of the books of the gym. where's he going? You know? To his fucking boyfriend's house? Probably to his fucking boyfriend's house.
Starting point is 02:42:31 And they, I was like, we were like, you're stupid for, they're like, sorry we don't read your queer books. Sorry.
Starting point is 02:42:37 That's like, Billy McCusker, Matt's brother, once, you guys all went to the Eagles game? Yeah. And John was like,
Starting point is 02:42:43 so you're like, you Eagles fan? He's like, no, sports are gay. Like, you're so tough at this is game. Yeah. And John was like, so you're like an Eagles fan? He's like, no, sports are gay. Like, you're so tough, but this is gay. Billy was dressed like he just left work. Like, he was like, came from like the construction site.
Starting point is 02:42:54 He had on the boots, covered in dirt. So I was like, I didn't know Billy at all. And I was like, all right, I'll ingratiate myself with him by talking about his favorite football team. And I was like, oh, you're a big Eagles guy? And he just goes, if you can name more than three players on any team, you are a f***. I was like, all right.
Starting point is 02:43:15 Dude, I mean, it's funny to think of, like, you know, it was you, O'Connor, Shane, Tommy. Like, some guys who I consider, like, the guys guys. And he's like, you guys are pussies. Like in football. Well, that's almost, that's so bro-y. That's so, like, bro-y that it almost becomes, like, black dude shit. Where you're like, I ain't going to wear another man's name on your back.
Starting point is 02:43:36 Dude, they are. Another man's name on your back? You got another man's name on your back. You got a man on your back. You got another man name on your back. Rather than his family. His family. His people, huh? They do not like the gay stuff.
Starting point is 02:43:53 I mean, the amount of just gay shit that we'll say in any given podcast. And every time we have a black guest, we're like, we're not saying that. They're not. Yeah, they don't like that. No, they do not. No, suck my dick. No, like, oh, I'd fuck that guy. None of these jokes.
Starting point is 02:44:04 Like, no, they do not like that. Our, he sucked my dick. No, like, oh, I'd fuck that guy. None of these jokes. Like, no, no, they do not like that. Our friend David Jolly, bro, he has like, it's some sort of like weird sixth sense thing. As soon as I'm saying the gayest thing on earth, my lovely African-American friend David Jolly like appears behind me. And he goes, man, y'all always doing gay shit. Man, it's countdown to when the white people is gay.
Starting point is 02:44:27 The other day, Cameron, I think it was Cameron, said pause when he said the word intense. He goes, oh, that was intense pause. Cameron, just so you know, you can fuck a woman intensely. I think that's super gay. If you think that intense means gay yeah they think everything is gay we had we had dot we used to have like a internet game answer the internet and it was like just stupid questions and you fucking ask people like guests we'd have them on and we had donald rawlings on once and i
Starting point is 02:44:58 swear to god every card we handed him he went gay and threw it it's always like would you suck a dick or fuck a guy? They were just mentioning the existence of men. And he was like, gay. Meanwhile, we're like, who's the hottest guy in Hollywood? And why is it Chris Hemsworth? You think it's Hemsworth? Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 02:45:25 I think maybe he might be aging out of it, but I'm always like Gosling number one. Gosling is... Gosling is kind of number one. It's a little number one. I even like, why do I have upspeak when I talk about Ryan Gosling? Dude, what's the movie with... We interviewed Hemsworth once, though. I'm sure the same can be said for Gosling.
Starting point is 02:45:39 When you see Hemsworth in person, it's like a work of art. I was like, you're fucking... You're so hot, you're disgusting. It's the only time I've ever been part of a conversation where. It's like, I'll work on it. I was like, you're fucking, you're so hot, you're disgusting. It's the only time I've ever been part of a conversation where it was literally like,
Starting point is 02:45:49 we are ignoring the elephant in the room. Like, all we should be talking about is what you look like. Like, the fact that anyone says anything else
Starting point is 02:46:03 is crazy. And then you're like, why do black dudes think we're gay? All I can focus on is Crimson. Perfect face. We laid it on thick like that though. I was like, you're fucking so hot. But he was like, I mean, you can tell that's happened a billion times.
Starting point is 02:46:22 He knew how to deflect it, accept the compliment, but keep it moving. He was laughing. I was like, this guy. No, you guys are good-looking fellas. Shut the fuck up. He said that. I was like, do not patronize me. Do not condescend to me.
Starting point is 02:46:38 That's so funny. Because he doesn't know what to do. He's very handsome. He was sitting when we walked in the room and then he stood up and he's obviously a big dude and he spread his arms. I was like, oh, I could nuzzle up into those.
Starting point is 02:46:55 You just hug him and be like, there's a little bone. Can we just stay like this for the next half hour instead of an interview? That'd be great. He gave him a bottle of sparkling water and he opened it and it exploded and it was the most symbolic thing.
Starting point is 02:47:09 All over him. Before the interview started. Just busted. It was before the interview. They were like, do you need water? I was like, yeah, sure. It would be great. And I guess someone went and sprinted to get one, sprinted to get back, didn't tell me it was fucking sparkling, so I opened it, and it just went everywhere.
Starting point is 02:47:24 All over him. Nice to opened it, and it just went everywhere. Like, all over him. Like, all right, nice to see it. That rules. That's great. All right, so the podcast is Rough Week. Rough Week. You guys are both out on the road and stuff. You got any tickets, or what are we doing?
Starting point is 02:47:35 I got Minneapolis. You can come to my Instagram or watch the podcast. I got Minneapolis and Chicago. You in Minneapolis on a Friday night? I should be on a Friday, yeah. Yeah, you might want to check out Gay 90s. Gay 90s? Is that a bar?
Starting point is 02:47:48 It's a gay bar. It's awesome. Why the black people? It's so weird that it's coming up on the heels of that conversation. All right.
Starting point is 02:47:58 On Fridays, they have kink night sometimes. Oh, boy. And it's like... You have to prep. Like, we... Like, you know these guys well enough to know if they're going to be happy to be in a club where someone's getting their dick whipped?
Starting point is 02:48:08 I'm going to tell them. You didn't get into the part why I have to go. It's just a crazy scene. Look, I promise you this. You'll be talking about it your next set. Trust me, it's super gay.
Starting point is 02:48:26 You're going to want to see this. You're going to love love it but it's crazy we just saw this last interview too but like the craziest thing to see was like how many husbands got dragged to it because it's it's like it's a it's it's it's called gay 90s but it's like you know there's all kinds of like dominatrix latex there's a lot of men and women there it's not all just gay shit yeah yeah and like the woman would be like dressed to the nines and latex and all this stuff and the guys would be in like a viking sweatshirt and cargo shorts you're really not fucking making it look like you're into this dude but there's like people that ride it's all right again if you're looking for something to talk about on saturday night go to go to gay night is that friday night well hey listen to the pod yeah that's the main thing just listen to rough week
Starting point is 02:49:05 yeah and follow me on Instagram christian official okay check the Patreon check it out the free episode of rough week
Starting point is 02:49:12 appreciate you guys thank you thanks for having us it was a blast thanks guys alright thanks for watching make sure you subscribe like and leave a comment below
Starting point is 02:49:19 click that button or I'll cut off my finger

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