KFC Radio - Nikki Glaser Returns, Feits' Secret Notebook, D-Holes, and Lil Nas X Vs the Internet

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

Subscribe, rate, review, and share with a friend! -KFC's One Minute Man on Lil Nas X creating Devil shoes with human blood and giving the devil a lapdance in his most recent music video has set the comments section on fire: https://www.instagram.com/p/CNA3zXkrqyN/ -The HBO Q Anon doc releases 2nd episode -John's notebook comes in hot this week with roughly 7 new topics. Including but not limited to: D-Holes, a song, rebranding negative words, and much more -Top 5 Underrated movies -John's Secret notebook! -Voicemails (01:56:34) Nikki Glaser returns and as per usual steals the show! We talk about her moving to St Louis with Andrew Collin to start a new podcast, going through a dryspell, male escorts, how she once has a crush on KFC (02:17:36), embarrassing dating moments, kink.com, and much much more. Check out her new podcast here: https://pod.link/1557275233 Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @NikkiGlaser Subscribe to our youtube: http://barstool.link/KFCRADIO Subscribe to our clips channel: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioclipsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I had a crush on you, Kevin. Yeah? I had a crush on you, yes. Why had? listen to the podcast yeah i had a crush on you yes and why had it's another edition of kfc radio on the barstool Sports Network. I just dropped One Minute Man. And I don't think the people are going to be happy. Okay, what'd you do? What'd you do this time?

Well, I'm on a hot streak right now. And when I say hot streak, I mean an extremely cold streak with the masses. Like, One Minute Man is such a ridiculous up and down thing. And it's like, if you do a topic that the mouth breathers of Instagram agree with, then they're like, this guy's fucking good. And as soon as you disagree a topic that like the mouth breathers of instagram agree with then they're like this guy's fucking good and as soon as you disagree he's like get this fucking limb out of here but i um i wasn't you know i said like i was nice to gritty

tegan they're not gonna like that yeah and that was because she left with her i've been i've been off the grid i've been i actually thought i had i really thought i had covet i've been uh thought i've had covet i was just just a off weekend. Yeah, she retired from Twitter. Okay. And then you were nice to her? I just said, like, pour one out for, like, a Twitter legend. I was like, you might like her, you might hate her. I said that more about you, I meant, like, and people were mad about that? Well, yeah, no, because I didn't quite realize

people, well, and I don't want to say people, I mean the QAnon freaks, they genuinely believe she's a pedophile who eats kids. Oh, right. And I didn't, I vastly underestimated that that people really think that she's like right up there with like epstein which is crazy because the guy that they like worshipped is like literally right there because i've seen but whatever we're not gonna get into that so i said let me let me look there was there was

there was tegan then there was then there was something else then then i did another one um that they were not oh then i did a did a TikTok show, a BFFs update. OK, Dave on the latest BFFs was hilarious. And what I'm learning is like if you are down with Barstool for the last decade and you know Dave, it's very funny watching him do these BFF shows when he's really into it. And he's just like prodding these kids about their lives. But if you if you don't know, if you just think of Dave as a pizza guy and then these tiktok kids are come in people like the people on instagram are like we don't fucking care and i'm like how do you not care like at one point at one point uh and that guy bryce hall is on so long story short bryce hall's on he's dating addison ray they're breaking up

they're getting back together all of a sudden logan paul was seen with addison ray and bryce hall was seen with josie gonseco so it was a little like and so they're talking and Dave's like so did you hook up with Josie Canseco and the guy is such a terrible liar and Dave kind of lets him off the hook and then he's like so like you're dating Josie Canseco right like again lets him off the hook and then at one point Josh Richards is telling a story he's like yo did you see what happened with Johnny Manziel recently he was playing in that FCS thing and the the ball, like, there was a loose ball fumbled on the ground, and he went to recover it, and then he just pulled back, being like, nah, man, like, I'm not going to get tackled. And Dave's like, love that story.

Did you hook up with Josie Catego? And it's just like, when you think about it, this middle-aged man just hammering these kids on whether they're fucking and whether they're not. I mean, it's more of what he's always done on BFFs. But so I did Chrissy Teigen and BFFs and now Lil Nas X, where, I mean, my take on this is like, I think this is amazing what he's doing. He's the best in the business.

He is the absolute best troll in the game. And he... He had a tweet recently, because I'd never followed him, and he had a tweet that he just tweeted, I think, today. I know what you're going to say. Where he said, I had nine months to roll this out. Y'all ain where he said i had nine i had nine months to roll this out y'all ain't gonna beat me like nine months to plan this this is so this is so calculated and he's he is what i love about him is that he is born from the internet like he is this generation you know so he knows what the fuck he's doing it's a great

question how can you look that up for me because i actually would guess he's sub 21 young yeah i think he's pretty young based on the way he, like, but I would say maybe, like, at 21. Yeah. 21, perfect, 21 years old. So he knows how to troll. He knows how to handle himself on social media. He knows how to take the heat.

And so he rolls this music video out. What I don't like, I don't like the song. I don't really like the video. I actually haven't heard or watched either. Okay, pull up the song,'t like, I don't like the song. I don't really like the video. I actually haven't heard or watched either. Okay, pull up the song, play, but don't play the music. Just like, I mean,

you can play the music for a little bit and then turn the volume down so that we can just keep talking while it's on. I think this looks like a bad sci-fi movie. It looks like a bad

Photoshop-y digital effects type of thing. Oh, it definitely does it so much looks like that that's probably what it's on purpose so um and the song is alright I don't know much Nas X

but I like it I like him as a person I don't think I've heard a couple of his songs Penny I think was the one that he followed up Old Town Road I actually hate Old Town Road I hated it it drove me fucking crazy when that was popular I don't think I've heard a couple of his songs. Penny, I think, was the one that he followed up. Old Town Road. I actually hate Old Town Road. I hate it. It drove me fucking crazy when that was popular. I don't like it.

I didn't even like it. I mean, it suffered the problem at all. Popular songs suffer. It was good when it first came out. It was everywhere. It was insufferable. So this is him. So he's like a mythical creature in the Garden of Eden.

That's what Montero is. The Garden of Eden. That's what the name of the song is. And you'll see. So now he'stero is. The Garden of Eden. That's what the name of the song is. And you'll see, so now he's making out with himself in this scene. And then eventually he's... I can see myself grooving to this. I haven't listened to any lyrics

but like, I mean, I probably never will. I don't listen to lyrics. But the, I can see myself just kind of being like, shimmying my shakes to this song about fucking the devil. Yeah, so eventually he hops on a, you'll see him in the Roman Colosseum in a second here. By the way,

what does this mean? See all the denim? Does he think that jeans are the bad guy? Like the oppressor? It's these people wearing denim all over that are holding him in shackles. Is he like, fuck jeans? Look at all the denim everywhere. There's denim everywhere. It's actually a very subtle reminder of the day

Dave Portnoy canceled jeans forever. It's a Barstool callback. Only to then wear skinny jeans every single day of his life the past three years. It's this weird thing. He's in the Coliseum. He's some sort of in shackles thing. And now

he takes a trip to hell. He's about to hop on a 400foot stripper pole and descend into hell. And then he – I'm really loving this. I knew you would. And on his trip to hell, he's wearing like hot pants, like little booty shorts. He's got red braids on. He's like gyrating and thrusting, fucking the stripper pole.

Yeah, that's a straight-up fucking. Yeah, that was a grind. He's got a big fat bowl. Yeah, he's got a sock in his underpants. That's for sure. Come on. He's like gyrating and thrusting fucking the super bowl. Yeah, that's a straight up fucking. Yeah, that was a grind. He's got a big fat bowl. He's got a sock in his underpants. That's for sure. Come on. Lil Nas X can't have all this fucking missile cock. Now, what I saw him tweeting about was like, I saw him tweeting

about the lap dance with the devil. Or saying, my favorite part was when I eat the devil's ass. This is him. Watch this. I was expecting big fireworks from this. And he starts giving a lap dance to the devil. Like, you know, the real deal.

He's doing the Jenna Dewan upside down, you know, making it shake. Grinding up on it. And then watch what happens. I'm waiting for some big, big thing, right? Some big fireworks. And then he just, that's it.

He breaks his neck and it's over. Wait, he never eats his ass? Nope, never does. Oh, dude, I thought he was going to throw Beelzebub's legs up over his shoulders. I was getting excited. So that's it. That's it. And the internet is, you know, obviously from the governor of South Dakota, she came out

and said, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Gun girl. Gun girl was like, said something like, do you still see your dad? And his little nose X's dad actually like tweet, uh, texted him being like, I made it through the video, like very creative. Like, I'm proud of you, which was a good, like, like, I bet you his dad doesn't love it. Like, I'm sure his dad's like, Jesus Christ.

I didn't need to see my son, like, giving a lap dance to the devil. But, like, but cool. I'm proud of you. So he was like, yeah, like, this is my dad. And then Lil Nas X said he was going to fuck a gun girl's dad. To which she replied, Lil Nas X just said he was going to rape my father. It's like, no, he said he's going to fuck your dad. Huge difference.

Which I think, by the way, if you're a girl or a gay guy, I think I would say that all the time. I'm going to fuck your dad. I think that's so funny and demeaning. Like, if somebody fucks your dad, you win. Whatever the debate is, whatever the argument of the situation is, like, I fucked your dad. Yeah. Damn it. You win.

It's like, oh, yeah, like, I fucked your girl. Yeah, but way worse. Like the man that, you know, so many people like might idolize and think of as their hero. It's like, yeah, I bent him over, cracked him open. I fucking spread those cheeks, man. Like, that is so fucking funny. I had to hold the camera while you fucked my girl before I thought you fucked my dad. I will help you. I will, like, move you around while you'd fuck my dad. I will help you.

I will move you around while you're fucking my girl. Greg, you can guide it in. You know in fucking vixen videos when there's one girl just fucking pulling you into her? I'll do that to my girl before you can fuck my dad. You know when there's the one girl and she just puts her head on the butt cheek like this? I'll do that. I love how God bless porn girls who this i'll do that i love how god bless porn girls who still try to do that like it's just not gonna reach it's not you know

you're gonna have to move over it's just not how human anatomy works your tongue is not gonna reach that butthole it's just not not without your head getting fucking bounced off the wall a couple times anyway i'll do that before you fuck my dad and then Swaggy P Swaggy P said my kids will never listen to Old Town Road again and I'm debating he's gonna protect his children from bad things

Swaggy make sure you just never let them on the internet to google daddy he was never gonna wear Nike again too he's considering cause that's the other side of this equation is that lil nas x did a custom nike with a like an art house like a fashion label or something called mischief where they did 666 pairs so he did like his it's his own thing nike has nothing to do with this like he even put out a statement being like we are distancing

ourselves from this we don't believe like devil worshiping which is like he's like totally fine sometimes there might be a blood stain of a six-year-old who made the shoes on the fucking thing. You might find a couple fingernails or something. I don't know, chopped off. We're not going to intentionally put it in. Don't worry about us. The sneakers have a pentagram

that are tied up on the laces like a little keychain almost. Then it says 666 and your pair labeled. So like, you know, 72 out of 666. So every pair is numbered. And then, allegedly, supposedly, there's a drop of human blood on every soul.

No. Oh, it's on the soul? Oh, I thought it was in the mixture. No. Okay. I was told it was on the soul. I believe you. You probably did more research than I did.

Because what you might be thinking of Nike what do you mean inside the bubble they just said in the soul so okay I guess that makes more sense yeah I think like in there it's like mostly ink and then there's a droplet of blood because

Nike officially did a holy water pair you ever see that there's air bubbles with like holy water in it yeah like blessed blessed water so it's like and that one i think was like the nike like air holy water right you can buy those like on you gotta be and i think they're crazy expensive i think they're like thousands of dollars they're kind of cool they're like all white which is like with blue but apparently that is probably the same thing like blue like the water is dyed blue to look that color but it's like blessed water it's got a little bit of a little found of our lady of peace in there what's that i don't know okay it's definitely i was gonna

go with pre-semen there's okay well i was gonna say we should do a kfc radio collab on this and what would we put in there spit yeah imagine we're just sitting there with our Nikes and you're just like, you spit, I spit. You spit, I spit. It's 60 cc's, which I imagine is just a unit of measurement for liquid? Yeah. Okay. I associate

it with blood. I didn't say 60 cc's is that. 60 cc's of ink and then one drop of the blood. There will be no ink in ours. It will be full spit. Straight spit, homie. Full spit. Absolutely.

You blow those air bubbles, there's our DNA everywhere, okay? We'll be at the scene of the crime. But, I mean, all of this has so many people up in arms. And, first of all, like, this shit ain't new, man. I mean, whether it's Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath or Slayer and Marilyn Manson, like, the devil worshiping shit. That woman who knitted a yarn. The one who made a blanket, I believe. What's that?

There you go. You can pull that up. It's a woman who had a bunch of yarn shoved in her vagina on her period. Yes! Now I remember. And she was knitting. Yes. She sat there, like, naked as she just pulled yarn out of her hooch and knitted some kind.

I don't know exactly what it was she knitted. Maybe a mitten of sorts. But it was. Woman who made a blanket out of period yarn knitting. There she is. Oh, yeah. We threw out. There it is.

Yeah. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bro. Take it down. Take it Bro. Take it down. Take it down. Take it down.

That was a mistake. Bro. Mistake to bring this up. That is so much yarn. That was all in her pussy? I mean, I wasn't present at the exhibit, Kevin. She's like a clown. Pulling it out of her mouth.

Jiminy Cricket. Yeah. I remember that. I forgot. Actually, vividly is not the right word to use. Vaguely. Because I remember her sitting there thinking it was hilarious. I did not remember the one all the way at the end that looks like a blanket you found

at a murder scene. I remember there being a little bit of blood here, maybe some. No, that was saturated. That's fucking uterine wall right there. She did some serious sloughing. Jesus Christ. Anyway.

Anyway, so did you see the apology video he made? It was great. No. He has the sneaker. He's like, yo, man, I get it. I'm sorry. A lot of you guys are upset, so I just want to say and it just cuts to him with the devil. He just did the McGregor on him. I apologize to absolutely nobody.

It is so fucking funny. And apologize. I said he's going to, I said in one minute, he's going to thank everybody. He sold out on the sneakers. 666 pairs at $1,000 a pop. 666K like that on sneakers that, you know, probably would have sold anyway because he got a big damage. I think he was going to do it in under a minute anyway.

Yeah. But it's just just he has more. I mean, like, if you think about how many sneakerheads are in the world right now. Like, they were going to buy 600 sneakers. I don't think they're particularly, like, that cool. But they're also not weird. Like, they're just black and red. So it's just like, ah, well.

I don't really care for them. I don't really care for any of them. But I love the. But now I do. Yes. I don't like the look. I don't really. Whatever.

But now I like. The only thing I didn't know. Because people were like, you know, with Old Town Road, he got a lot of kids, fans. A lot of his fans are kids. And he was like, yo, I talk about lean and adultery in Old Town Road. Like, you let your kids listen to that. But then, and so for the most part, I was all about it. I was like, I do love the fact that lil nas actually trojan horse his way into america where it was like i'm gonna do this

pop song his country song and then he's like deeper than that i think i believe he said or i've read that like he was doing memes for like months maybe years ahead of that where they were like subtly mentioning Old Town Road. Really? I've been talking about this for a year and a half. He's brilliant. Subliminally works his way in. To clarify, everything on this podcast.

Maybe made up. Yeah. But it's a great story if it is true. But I love the idea that he works his way in. He sold 23 million records without an album. It's all the Old Town Road. I think he has a song, Cardi B, I think.

Didn't he do just an Old Town Road remix album? Yeah, which was like 17 Old Town Roads. 23 million times platinum, haven't even put out an album. But then he was just like, okay, so now I'm in? Like, bled out! I'm a flamboyantly gay man who's like way sexual and i love it and i'm gonna fuck with you guys so i thought that was cool the only thing i didn't think was cool is just in just this

january or no i guess yeah 2021 so like just a couple months ago he said like i'm very aware that my fan base is kids and i'm okay that. And he put out a children's book. That is a little bit like, you got to pick your lane. The children's book. It's called like C is for country. But also, that's just, they're separate lanes. They are, but you can't like amass a following. You can't intentionally go amass a following of kids and then put that out.

And then not at least be surprised. Like if all of a sudden Blippi, and this is entirely possible because I know Blippi used to shit on people. But if Blippi was just like, look at my dick. And I'd have to be like, okay, you can't watch Blippi anymore. And like, why? That would be annoying. But by the way, that's what I would do. I don't know though. It's like these, you know, like even my kids are young and they get on YouTube and they can click through a channel and subscribe and find videos and shit.

Not subscribe. But they'll go to a channel and like the next up comes up i can see i can see where as a parent i'm not doing like the like you should cancel them it's like you have to parent and and stop your kid i'm just annoyed that i have to do that now like i used to be able to just be like here listen a little nas x and now i have to be like no you can't but that is on you to do because if this guy who's now 21, it's like, okay, I was, you know, it's like Beaver was for little kids too. And then he was like, I want to fuck

chicks and party and do songs about that. Every child actor is like, I want to be a real actor now. I don't want to just do kiddie stuff. It happens every time. It's just that like a month ago he said, I'm okay. He's writing children's books and now he's fucking the devil. But it's funny, right? It's like, yeah, he's not here.

Once again, I might like it more. As the father of nobody. Love it. Just fucking love it. Wait, go back to that. How'd he get to number one? How'd he get to number one? iTunes.

That's on multiple times. Nah, I thought it was going to be funnier than it was. I mean, yeah, this dude, though, he's just like duped the whole fucking world. And when you've got, you know, I do love, you know, the people who are always complaining about cancel culture now being like, oh, they're canceling kids. It's like, guess what? You're all fucking assholes.

Trevor Lawrence was my favorite. What did he say? Just quote tweeted. Trevor Lawrence just quote tweeted this naked and goes, there has to be a line somewhere, SMH. Shut the fuck up, Trevor. Shut the fuck up, Trevor. I mean, really, shut the fuck up, dude. I wish I'd

known that. I didn't put that into my video. I would've loved to put that in there. Like, shut your fucking mouth. There has to be a line of blood somewhere. There has to be a line somewhere. And I think I draw that. A droplet of blood in 600 pairs of sneakers. I mean, give me a fucking break. That's where my line really is.

I still don't necessarily believe that's true. I just think, like, how can you even do that? It's definitely... But I'd just do it. I'd just take 600 droplets of blood and be like, okay, just get a vial of my blood. I'll do it. There you go. Seal that bad boy up.

Good to go. I can't get... I mean, I said I want him to fuck Jesus Christ in his next video. I want Jesus to be blowing him in his next video. But you'd be surprised, man, the number of people that even just follow me. I had like... What I thought were normal people who were clearly Catholic or whatever, being like, this is not funny.

I was like, yes, it is. Yes, it is. No, it's very funny to say that you want to make a video with Lil Nas X fucking Jesus. That's just funny. You're all losers. You're all believing wacky stories, all made up shit. It's, oh, if you, if you're infuriated by all this shit in episode one of the QAnon doc, watch episode two.

Oh yeah. That show, it's, it's Into the Storm on HBO. Actually, there is, so there is, there's an interesting part of it but the first like half of it again is just internet freaks that's all it is it's just like this there's like there's the crippled guy and then there was this uh dude who looks like like gay pat if he was like dying of cancer who wears like these ridiculous clothes and then there was this guy who has a walrus mustache. Like every single person on and on and on. Alright.

Whoops. What was that, man? Whoops. Caught astray, I'm sorry. There's this couple. Fucking fat loser with a fucking mustache. There's this one guy who claims He's got a port in the back of his neck

Like in the Matrix And it was like Just show it Then show it You know what I mean You wanna like Take the red pill Everyone see

Show me the fucking port in your neck He's always like No no no you can't And they sing a QAnon song Every single person Was more ridiculous than the last It's not good journalism. The fact that they just knock that guy out and be like, let me see.

Yeah. Just turn him over. Right. We're out of here. Yeah, that's it. That's it. This guy will find another one. Got to find me the port.

They did. At the end, there was a guy on 8chan. Remember that New Zealand shooting at the mosque? Like 40 people died. Yes. He went on 8chan and livestreamed it, like him doing it. Right. And it was, so then that debate became

like, should 8chan be allowed to function anymore? Because everyone on 8chan was like, go off, King, we love you, da-da-da-da-da. So that became like an interesting part of it, where it's like, you know, freedom, like, can you shut down these websites? Should you shut down these websites? In my mind, like, 8chan brings no good to the world. And also, if you're going to encourage this so you're gone you know but if

someone said shut reddit down it's like well i don't know i think reddit's like pretty valuable in other ways so i don't know just got like that that was the first time that documentary actually interested me the beginning hour and then hour and 40 minutes within 40 minutes of the second episode i was just like hour 40 minutes no i'm saying like the first hour was like first hour was just like silly internet shit and then the second one was just more like weirdos on the web

I'm like these are just nerds that you're talking to I actually one guy has like I'm kind of interesting for like 30 seconds and then you lift the veil and you're like

oh yeah you're just a fucking and none of it was really at the and then at the very end they talked about how Q there's like a date

where all of a sudden Q his entire tone and style changed and i was like all right now we're getting somewhere where they're like they think q was multiple people i think there was this one one guy who was using language that all of a sudden q started to use you're gonna be in q and i'm by the end of this no no no i hate these people i i don't i don't i don't i don't find anything intriguing you had a tonal change of voice like it's gonna get a little interesting no it gets interesting in the fact of who they're trying to like i want to know i yeah i do want to know like if they could figure out who was who q was and i think they did it's like very clear in the second episode that it was like it's this fucking guy so that was interesting but the rest of it is just like yeah so like i'm on

the i'm on my like my my page and i'm posting. And then these people all loved it. You're just a fucking loser, man. Oh, yeah. No, I've met a million of you. Yeah, that's what I mean. Nobody's special here. But then it's those people that it's all wrapped up. It's Chrissy Teigen and Lil Nas X and all these people.

It's like, oh, I don't have any. I can't even tolerate you at all anymore. Once I realized that you all believe in reptilian child eaters yeah that was a good stopping point yeah it's like oh we're not even we're not even going to discuss this anymore you you you bring me you know you're you're zero i forget i i don't know that wasn't just like the first thing that got popular but like this whatever the thing that that was like the first thing i heard of was like okay yeah i'm out yeah there was i don't know if there was stuff before that. I would imagine I took one step out

of that beach and gone, nah, it's not for me. I'm all set. I'm going to go home. You know what, Beach? You should be stepping out on the crypto beach. Are you still in on crypto? Yeah. Still got your Bitcoin? Yeah. I don't talk about it as much as some people do. The rest of the world?

Not even the rest of the world. It's going to limit it to the Barstool Sports office. Sure, we can even ground it more down if we want. We can zero in on the one guy. But yeah, no, yes, I do. Well, Blockfolio is the number one way. Here's what you should do. Here are the steps.

Oh, actually, I have Blockfolio money because we did win one game. So we did get... Oh, yeah, we got a little bit of cash. You get $100 for every round. Hey, okay. All right, so I got have Blockfolio money because we did win one game. So we did get. Oh, yeah, we got a little bit of cash. You get 100 bucks for every round. Hey, OK. All right. So I got my Blockfolio money to that. I didn't realize that.

Here's here's what you do. Oh, yeah. Download the Blockfolio app. Buy some crypto with Blockfolio. You can buy Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Ethereum, all that shit. Whichever one you want. Buy it. Make the money and shut the fuck up. That's it.

That is the most important step. Step four is the most important. Download Blockfolio. Invest. Maybe make money. Maybe lose money. I don't know. Hopefully you make it because everything goes up.

Maybe you lose money. Either way, step four, shut the fuck up. Blockfolioio they should make that a thing like uh like terms of service like when you check this box you hereby promise that you will not talk about your crypto it is and it's always the same people i feel like the bitcoin people who are like fucking love Bitcoin. You know the type, the ones who fucking love Bitcoin. Those motherfuckers who are like,

fucking buy Bitcoin are the same ones who are like, shut up about your fantasy team. Shut up about this. Absolutely. Like, no one cares about this. Yeah, you know what it is? It goes,

gamblers say, fuck your fantasy team, and cryptos are like, fuck your bets, and fuck your fantasy team and cryptos are like fuck your bets and fuck your fantasy team there's always going to be a line this is what I'm interested in everyone else shut the fuck up yes right if I'm interested we can talk about it I'm not interested in you fuck you

which is what we're doing right now you know what's really funny can you zoom in on this the copy says talk about your experiences with crypto and they made a good amount of money also i've been angry the entire time yo i will say i do i do been enraged every time i logged onto twitter but also being like i think uh yeah i mean i guess we're just going to talk about it here,

but I just think it is going to go to at least $100,000. I just think it's going to be two steps forward, one step back, and every time it goes down like 5% or 10%. Oh, you're going to buy the dip, Kev? No. Hashtag buy the dip. Buy the dip. Buy the dip. Buy the dip.

I actually said with my blockfolio, I said I'm buying like a little bit every two weeks. Oh, very nice. That way I don't have to buy dips and shit. I'm not worried. It's just like, I don't know. I got it at this price. I got it at that price.

I've just been amassing it all the time. It's like, I don't think about it. Look at you. You're a financial investor. How about it? Motherfucker's got a CPA for a reason. No, he doesn't. MBA.

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the notebook johnny notebook is back and john said to me that he has enough material in his notebook from this weekend to fill three episodes. One, two, three. It is a little bit cheating today because my notebook was on the other side of the room, so I didn't feel like getting up to go get it. So it is in my phone today. It's a Johnny Notes app.

Yeah. But he said three full episodes, so he's just going to pick and choose a couple things here. Okay. Because he was prolific was the words. Which just means he had a full-blown depression weekend. That's all this means. It was a horrible mental health episode where he wrote everything

down. That's what this means. Okay, so if we're going to do those, I have... The last one is Nas shoes filled with cum or spit. So we got that one. That one I was just like, that one is remembered. That was just a good idea.

That was just a good idea. I do like that. You know what? Maybe the left shoe is cum and the right shoe is spit. Imagine that. We just go to like a sperm bank and we cum in shoes and we spit in shoes and then we sell them for $1,000 each. Do you think people would buy that?

Do you think people would buy our cum shoes? Do you think people would buy that? Do you think people would buy our cum shoes? Do you think people would buy our spit shoes? I think the issue with this thing is always, yeah,

not the people you want to. Could you imagine it's not some like sneaker head being like, oh, I'm not going to have it. Dead stock these, one to fucking rock,

one to stock, bro. It's going to be someone who's going to fucking cut that thing open, stick a turkey baster in there, and fucking shove it up her pussy. Oh, your cum's dead, though, right? I'd make sure it worked just for the thrill of it.

I'm just thinking never touch oxygen, but get into that tube. Every day, just one minute. Just the day I get fucking a check. Just the day I get a phone call. You're my dad. I got my cum from your shoes.

What would you do if we were like, let's say we're back out doing live shows, and some guy is like, would you sign? I got your sneakers, bro. Would you sign it? And then it's like, I would love it. If I sold 666 pairs at $1,000 a pop of my cum shoes, I'd be like, this is awesome. The minute that I had some dude come up to me at a show and be like,

hey man, did you sign these shoes? I'd be like, what have we done? What have we done? We've gone too far. See? I don't like it. Fuck it, bro. Give me both of them. John on one, Feidelberg on the other. Sick fuck.

Okay. I think we need to rebrand negative words because I was thinking about this. Such as? Actually, well, first we mentioned the depressed weekend, so I was calling it a D-hole I was in all weekend. I like that. Yeah, I was in a nice warm D-hole. D-hole. I liked that until you said it.

And I was like, wait a second. You don't like that? Okay. Anyway, the best part about slipping into a nice warm D-hole. Which, by the way, you ever see that? What? When they go in the D-hole? I've definitely seen when they go in a vagina.

I've probably seen. But when they go in a vagina, it's worse because you just. You've seen when a dick goes in a vagina? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that a million times. Yeah, I know. It's called sex. No, but I mean, the camera's in there. Yeah, I've seen that a million times. Yeah, I know. It's called sex. No, but I mean,

the camera's in there. Yeah, that's cool. It's not cool because it's just fucking a dick coming at you the whole time. This isn't nearly as sexy as I thought it was going to be.

This is a fucking science experiment gone wrong. That's what it is. This is a fucking alien stomach and I'm like, I was going to kiss her belly button and the fucking alien stomach ripped out at me dude i i don't think of it as hot but i do think of it as a science experiment when you see

that shit and by the way if you if you search this on porn up there's like one video yeah there's no one i bet you and i and it looks like it's like a colonoscopy angle yeah and and that's where i realized that like it is some it is some primal shit that we do. You know? It's not really sexy. It's very, you know, it's just like, here's a hole and here's a thing. You see, like, what it looks like on the inside, all these wrinkles and shit. It's like, oh, God damn.

And then when it comes. It looks like the Grand Canyon inside. It's like, what the fuck? Why is it so rigid? So many ridges rigid so many ridges so many ridges man and then when the when the dick comes

it's like it's like it's just like just like spits out you know I'm like oh man and like that's the miracle

you know that's what we do to continue when you come it looks like you got your thumb over the hose waiting to trick your friend and it's just still sneaking out

the sides of it it's just like it's just still sneaking out the sides of it. It's just like, it's disgusting. It's horrible. It's like the end of a whipped cream bottle. It's like it's not coming out full.

Much worse but much better. I was more talking about not when they when you just see a porn where they're just putting things in the D-hole. Oh, I see, I see. That makes me physically cross my legs and be like... I read it once.

I thought it was... I probably haven't read a Cosmopolitan magazine since. Cosmo said to put things in the D-hole? The pinky, Kevin. The pinky, John! The pinky's way too big. I mean, like a... I can't take it.

I feel like a girl at the start of a porn video. I can't take that. I can't take that. I couldn't take, like, a toothpick. I couldn't take, like, a... What's the...

This is the skinniest thing in the world. I couldn't take it. Nothing's going in. I know what happens. I felt the shampoo go in and it hurts. I can't have any sort of physical thing go in.

It was like, I was probably in high school. The pinky? Cosmo said put the pinky in the D-hole. Cosmo giving poor sex advice. Now we've lost it all. Stunning. Now I've seen it all. I mean, but listen, there's a difference between bad sex advice and you should put your finger in your man's dick.

You know what that is? You know what that is? You know what that is? That's some fucking Cosmo writer being like, this is payback for everyone who said, put a dick in the ass. I got fucked. I did anal too many times for this one. Put your finger in his dick hole.

Revenge. Also like, see if you do the, the like, uh, you know, some guys, not I will do like the oops, wrong hole thing.

Yeah. I have a much better. Very rapey. Well, not very. It's rape. Yeah. But it is. I have a high security system around my penis when a blowjob's happening.

During sex, really, you don't really know what's going on back there. I got full visual. Right. I'm ready. Like a fucking chef's knife in a cartoon. I'm like, what? No, away. Under the balls.

That goes here. You're wrong hole. Wrong hole. I'm going to cut the balls. Yeah, sure. You don't come with a pinky. You go in. I spent the whole hand.

Get it under. The balls. I mean the balls. Shows off the rails. Anyway, I was going to say the best thing about slipping into the warm. Josh is sitting in today, by the way. We have basically a newcomer, if you will, to the team. He's about to be like, oh, never mind.

Going back to a million dollars worth of game. Those guys would never talk about fingers and dicks. I'll tell you that much. The best thing about slipping into the warm deals, when you hit that sweet spot when, like, the people who check in on you, which is an ever-dwindling number, when they're, when they just throw their hands in and they're like, well, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. I've texted them ten times.

I get one-word responses. It's out of my hands. Did you kill yourself yet? I don't know. Do I have to arrange the funeral yet? Just tell me. Saturday afternoon, I finally stopped getting anxiety attacks every time my phone buzzed, and I was just like, oh, yeah.

Whoa, this is warm, baby. This D-hole is great this d-hole is fucking empty and vacant and i'm loving it anyway second thing about that rebranding negative words about yourself okay okay i'm interested in this but i don't i don't. So give me an example. You know how when parents get to be like, we don't say no. We say, how about this? Right. Or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just like a different word to describe our negative tendencies.

Such as? Such as, I'm not lazy. I'm low maintenance. Yeah, okay. Like, I had a buddy who was like. I had a buddy who planned our trip and stuff. And he's like, dude, what would you have done if I didn't do everything on this trip? I was like, I would have not done it.

Right. You know what I would have done? And it would have been totally fine. You know what I would have done? I would have had a good vacation. I would have had a nice, relaxing vacation. I would have done nothing, and it would have been fine. It's like, what would you do if a girl were me?

What would you do if I wasn't doing the laundry, per se? I was blue. Hypothetically speaking. I would have been like, well, I wasn't doing the laundry, per se? Out of the blue. Hypothetically speaking. I'd be like, well, I just... I wouldn't have done it today. Yeah. I would have worn... I have three drawers of boxers.

I was going to say. I would have fucking worn other ones. I would have worn the same hoodie that I've worn. Yeah, my favorite clothes would have been dirty. I'd have worn other ones. I'd have been fine. I'll, like, order them from, like, Target. I have a house if I have to.

I don't know. There's a million ways around this problem here. If the laundry didn't get done today, I'd have fucking survived. I'd have made it through. If dinner wasn't ready, this was on the trip. What would have happened today if I didn't book a reservation for dinner in advance? Because we called a bunch of other places to see. We actually were at the Buford Steak.

Called a bunch of places. Couldn't find it we're the move for steak called a bunch of places couldn't find it and i was like i don't know i guess i would have had pizza yeah right i think i probably wouldn't have died of starvation in breckenridge colorado if that's what you're asking i'd have had something i wasn't really in the mood for but sustain me and then i would have been fine. You have no idea how maybe resilient for – like I can bounce from one to the other. Yeah. So I don't know. Whatever word you – you're like noncommittal. It's like I can – I'm a chameleon.

I'm a resilient chameleon. I can enjoy myself in any situation. I like this. Yeah. What are some other words? I only had two. I didn't have enough. Again, hypothetical?

Apathetic. And I'm not apathetic. I'm pragmatic. Where it's not that I don had two. I didn't have enough. Again, hypothetical. Apathetic. And I'm not apathetic. I'm pragmatic. Where it's not that I don't care. It's just that I realize that it doesn't really matter. I have perspective. Yeah. I know that this isn't going to be a big deal.

Pragmatic's good. Yeah. It's realistic. It's pragmatic. It's perspective. I don't believe in predestination, but I know logically the rest of my life is going to be fine. Yeah, right, right. It'll be fine.

Whatever. It won't – some things might make it a tick better. Some things might make it a tick worse, but it's going to be fine. Right. Whatever. In the end, it'll all be okay. Yeah, it'll be whatever. And that's what I call optimism.

That's straight up positivity. So those are the two I have. How about like – I'm just thinking of what people would say about me like stubborn i'm very um like committed to well not committed i'm you know i'm stubborn i have strong opinions i have conviction i have conviction okay i have strong conviction i like that stubborn mother i don't have that one but that's a good one for you to have yeah you're not really stubborn

you know what you're almost so stubborn you're so not stubborn you're stubborn it comes back around just have a fucking opinion man you know this motherfucker

doesn't care about anything and he won't change it he's so goddamn stubborn you know yeah I wish I wasn't this way but you're right you're right

but I changed my opinion there at first I disagreed with you and I was like never mind you made it right okay and stubborn. I wish I wasn't this way, but you're right. But I changed my opinion there at first. I disagreed with you. I was like, never mind. You made it right. No, I mean stick with something. Stick to your fucking guns. What do you want me to do? What else would people say? What are some negative things you guys

think about us, Jackie? Jackie? What she's doing is pretending to think. I can tell. She had six off the top. I guess I'll just fucking... You have to be so aggressively writing to get mad at whatever it's going to say. Well, yeah. I'm just...

You don't need to tell me bad things about me. Aggressive? No, we're passionate. There you go. I don't know, Nick. This is like when people tell me I interrupt too much. I'm like, no, I just like, I'm passionately interjecting. I'm so interested in the topic,

I just have to get these opinions off. I like this a lot, though. We can think about this more. Just like, I don't know what the method of raising a child, they call that. We're like, actually, instead of that, we say this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I need it, so.

You guys are gross. I'm going to hang on that one. Actually, I'm low maintenance again. Yeah, we are. No, no, no, we're honest. We're honest. Because I think everything that's gross about us, like, that's what, trust me. Oh, I see.

That's what your boyfriend at home thinks, too. I have never thought about a P.K. in a dick hole or whatever. Yeah. That wasn't me. Blame that one on Cosmo. Yeah, again, that's. That didn't come from this old fucking noggin. I promise you.

I'm too well read is what you're saying. What it really is, it's, yeah, it's the ultimate spin zone. It's the ultimate, uh, it's like resume writing we've done this before yeah you know a funeral director we call them an events coordinator like you can rewrite anything to be positive so you just got to spin zone all of your negative you know what we should do is we should start selling this like we are therapy for your therapists so you come sit with us for an hour and we give you all the ammo for when your therapist says like you know you're just too stubborn tell them tell them no you have strong convictions have all all the responses ready to just you know waste all your time with your therapist um okay boy is this the movie one

no no i have a lot more we haven't even dipped our toes in the water yet i'm trying to think of like some good this one's just a quick one that i think is fun No, no. I have a lot more. Kevin, we haven't even dipped our toes in the water yet. I'm trying to think of some good. This one's just a quick one that I think is funny. I was watching Horrible Bosses last night. Great movie. And it's very, very funny. I mean, it's.

That's also a movie that doesn't get made today. You can't make a movie with one of the main, one of the main plots is your boss is trying to rape you. That's just not happening. Like, I think you can because I think that was, that was a little bit, that was a little inside baseball.

And that's why they made it a woman. They had like a little, I bet you that's still a problem. I would, I would guess so, but, I love,

I mean, yeah, the premises of that movie is like kidnapping, murder, and rape. Yeah. And it's,

it's a delight. It's great. But, one of the that movie is like kidnapping, murder, and rape. Yeah. And it's a delight. It's great. But one of the people in it who I didn't know because no one knows because it was a fucking basically an extra. Jason Sudeikis at the chemical factory he's working. Jason Sudeikis gets a delivery. He's just signing for a delivery. And the woman, delivery woman holding the clipboard, or who he gives it back to,

Meghan Markle. Now imagine if you could tell that struggling-ish actress, like, look, sweetie, one day, the Queen of England's gonna make you suicidal. Like, imagine!

She'd be like, what are you talking about? I went the other direction. It's right that way with that. One day, the royal family is going to give you mental anguish that you could never believe. I know that right now, you're just trying to get a job as an extra in that commercial. But soon enough, people are going to be comparing you, saying that you're going to die the same way Princess Diana did. One day, the paparazzi is going to kill you the same way that Princess

Di died. If I could go back in time, that would be the first thing I'd do. I'd just tell her, I'd just tell her, the Queen of England is going to make you suicidal. Just walk away. Yeah, just drop a stick of dynamite. See you later. That's like that old Dane Cook joke where you travel back in time and just punch the kid in the face or whatever.

Imagine you just travel back in time, grab her. The Queen of England is going to make you kill yourself and then disappear. Just ruin the rest of that girl's life. Every day, she's like, I'm not meeting the Queen today. Dude, my favorite meme from that whole thing. Have you seen the memes with her Deal or No Deal days? I've seen a picture of that, but I don't know. Yeah, she used to be like the suitcase opener and it says like megan markle opening up um

little rg's christmas present from the queen of england and she opens it up and says five dollars and she's like oh that's good that's good um so there it is your present from grandma um all right i'll do i'll do two more okay um boy well a lot of them connect because i smoked a lot of weed so okay god a d-hole sounds great you're watching great movies smoking weed ignoring people bothering. What's so bad about a D-hole anyway? It's unbelievable. Can you make sure that D-hole is a fit? Oh, I have so much. I have so much.

This stuff, oh, fuck me, fuck me. Okay, first one's real quick. I wrote a song last night when I was high. Oh, Heavens to Betsy. Heavens to Betsy. Are we going to hear this song? Nick, can you hit me with a little bit of a folk tune-y? This guy's like, give me a G-flat.

Hold it. Give me a little twang-y something-something. What is that? This is a big moment for Nick. Holy shit. Can you keep up? Double time. I know nothing about you. I'm sitting here like,

oh boy. Okay, there's a little twang, twang, tw Oh, this is like a country. This is like a Lil Nas X country type song. I have no idea how to sing onto a beat. I was going to say. This is the most ambitious thing I've ever seen in this podcast. Hang on.

Wait until it comes in. Like, I know anything. You need just like a... I know a single fucking thing on this planet. You just did that as if you were a musical savant. Like, literally, quite literally, in fucking, um, in Whiplash, he turns to the guy and he's like, Fuck it. Fuck the music, right?

You hit me with this. No, I'll clap, because when you bang the table, they go... Oh, right, right. Now Jackie snaps. Double time. On double time. Snaps on double time. Keep it up, folks.

I mean, come on. Tal's got to do all the work here. First I get high. Then I get hungry. then i eat food then i do a poop well then i caught my starts and i do my farts bro and i was i was doing that i was seeing that in my head last night on the toilet crying laughing like like in fucking tears i'm adding guitar in post i'm gonna fuck i'm gonna go hard on this john you're gonna be auto-tuned a little that's bro i think we are witnessing a full-blown manic depression episode.

Here, this is... I was hysterically laughing. You're like the Joker, dude. Once again, I get high, then I get hungry, then I eat food, then I do my boobs. I'm doing like someone on Sway doing a fucking freestyle. First I get high, then I get hungry. I'm going to do it like someone on Sway doing a fucking freestyle. First I get high. Then I get hungry.

Then I eat food. Then I do a poop. Well, then the cotton mouth starts. And I do more farts. It's kind of catchy. People are listening right now like, what the fuck is this? And then later in the day,

they're going to be like, and then they're cutting down stars. And then they're doing cars. I was like literally just like trying to stifle my laughter. Could you imagine she walks in the bathroom like, what is going on here? And you're like,

I wrote a song. And I get a little ditty. Now clap on the one, snap on the two for me. Clap on the one. Five, six, seven, eight. So these are all like, okay, so a quick little. What connects to that, John? Well well it's just the high thing domino's pizza having the audacity to have the question would you like your food now or later is one of the least understandings like the least of products ever understood

their consumer in the history of the world. I can one-up you. Very, very, very similar. Every single video on demand service. Click, you click purchase, and then it says, would you like to start your movie now or later? Oh, my God! I thought the same thing last night! In the history of the world, has there ever been like, purchased, I have 48 hours to watch this, I'll come back in a minute.

When? Well, no, no, no, I was going to i was gonna watch tomorrow night i just get ahead of it because it's such an arduous process like and like dominoes everyone who's ordering dominoes i'm a high as fuck i'm watching right now i want it i want it like i can't i can't even handle the 30 minute delivery i want it instantaneously i got a tuesday i think i might have a hankering for on friday night at midnight it's be it next time for a Domino's pizza, I think. I feel like the only time you would do that is like a catering event. Every other thing, whether it's Domino's when you're high or even just regular fucking food when you're

at one dinner, I want it now. The only time I need it later is like, I have like a funeral reception and I need to have a lot of Of course I want it fucking now. It's such a horrible understanding of like your consumer. It's like Tom's shoes making a MAGA shoe. You know, you're going to love this. It's like KFC radio fans making a cum and spit shoe.

Axe body spray selling tampons. It just doesn't work. There's no correlation here between people who plan or are not fucking starving in this moment. And I like that. I'm a Domino's guy. Love a good Domino's. Order it all the time. But I never plan to order it.

Maybe even more ridiculous is when they say, do you want lava cakes with your order? Of course I do. Absolutely, of course I do. Those should come absolutely standard with every order. Okay. And then so this is a bit of a high thought as well. I'm going to save this high thought.

I'm going to skip to this as a sober thought. This was something that – So you'll be giving me that tomorrow since I don't even know if you are right now. Yeah. This is – I'm actually – I haven't had a drink in two days. I haven't laid in bed. It's unbelievable. The – I was going to say.

Oh, so I watched just a shitload of movies. Like tons and tons of movies. Some awful, some great, some classics that stink now. Not stink. I think I'm just, I think the storyline of it is. Am I going to be upset by this? Stupid. You're going to piss me off?

I don't think you're going to be furious, but I think you're probably going to be like, what the fuck? Okay. You're probably going to be a little bit like, that's what I'm going to do. Remember the Titans. I think movies like that. Wasn't that based on a true story? Okay. You're probably going to be a little bit like, that's what I'm going to do. Remember the Titans. I think movies like that. Wasn't that based on a true story? Yeah, but I think movies like that are just like, I think they're stupid now. I think they're like,

because like half of that movie is just people being pieces of shit. And then like they have like a redemption arc and stuff like that. But it's like half the movie is just people being fucking incredible assholes. And then like. And you just don't like it. And then they're like, they highfive their black friend after a tackle. And it's like, well, that was a good guy. Yeah.

And I get the Disney movie and underlying stories. And they accelerate the, you know, we're friends now. Yeah, but I was watching it. And it was just like, it's not Biff Tannen. But it's a fucking guy. It's Biff Tannen. It's Biff Tannen. The guy who plays, like, Bertier? Bertier, yeah. And it's like, that just like who's the it's not Biff Tannen but it's a fucking guy it's Biff Tannen it's Biff Tannen the guy who plays like

Bertier Bertier yeah and it's like that dude's still an asshole yeah you don't just fix racism because you wanted to win a couple football games

you know especially like racism's not fixed now it wasn't fixed back then in a matter of like six months because I'm a fucking coach I also watched

A Time to Kill that's McConaughey and Samuel Samuel L. Jackson now Now close your eyes. That guy? That one? The worst lawyer in the history of the world! What about that speech? Does that speech hold up? Oh, fuck no, it doesn't hold up.

I remember thinking, like, why didn't that movie get more love? And I was thinking, probably because it sucked. Probably because I was back when McConaughey was not really acting. No, McConaughey could still act like a motherfucker. McConaughey, it's actually, I was watching that, and I was like, oh. I'm surprised he went on the rom-com route where for 20 years, that's all we knew about him.

He was acting. He was cool. He had some serious scenes. It was just bad writing. The whole fucking crowd would be like, wait a second what yeah yeah maybe that's just how like it needed to be that fucking painfully obvious to people back then but like yeah watching now you're like no like i actually was picturing his white because that's what my experience is well you know before he too it's also like if the defense lawyer got up there and was like

yeah but i don't know the evidence points to this guy so like oh great great fairy tale but uh i also think like i don't not that i wouldn't have done it but like i also think he was probably guilty of fucking murder he's just fucking great story guilty like not that like again like not that i would i i think the movie it's not a true story that's uh on a john grisham book i think like it would have been better if they let them get uh i don't know like found innocent he kills them before like they're even they're they're uh indicted oh right right right right so i don't think there should be some like corrupt bullshit that happens and then they walk and then he kills them and they but like it just kills them yeah it's like well they could have been found guilty right right right you could have let the thing you can let

him win you know let him do his thing. What else? What else? Was there other overrated ones? Overrated? No, not that I really remember. All right, let's do underrated then. Oh, okay.

Top fives. We'll do top five Tuesday. Top five underrated movies. This is brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Sweating with that fucking dope new hoodie. Not hoodie, crew neck. Crew neck. That's Kanye and Taylor sketched on.

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It's the office leisure apparel everywhere from work to home. You can rock it, be comfortable, and look sharp. It's cutsclothing.com slash Clancy. Top five most underrated movies of all time. I definitely got pick one last time, you can oh okay okay okay um i'm gonna strategically go with my second pick because i think my and also let's let's just address the elephant in the room that is going to be um the the definition of underrated is exceptionally fluid. Okay, so first of all, underrated can mean,

you could pick a great movie, technically if you wanted to. I don't think any of us are going to do this. But technically, you could pick a movie that, actually, I have some movies on here that I think are good, but I think they deserve to be considered one of the best. So in that sense, it's a good movie, but it's still underrated. It can mean many things. But it also can mean it's still underrated. It can mean many things.

But it also can mean, like... Like underrated is like... People get mad because, like... Underrated is like... I think we've said it with... I forget what movie it is. You can say it about basically any movie someone says is underrated. Actually, it's properly rated. It's just underviewed. think well that's the thing like

you could say if it didn't make any money in the box office you could be like that's underrated if it's got a bad tomato score and you think it should be good that's underrated there's a lot of different ways you can scale it yeah but again they're all gonna piss people off yeah so so just it is what it is right um okay so like i said my true first pick I'm going to pick second because I don't think you're going to pick it so I'm going to go with Saving Silverman a great one Saving Silverman is

one that I honestly was going to write down but didn't because I thought that one was going to be too you were going to have ammo for pushO. for pushback on me. Be like, that's not underrated. Everyone loves that movie.

Well, see, that's the thing. I think that, like, yes, there is a sect of us that all think it's good. But there are many out there, many, many people. People with taste are going to be like, yeah, of course it's a saving silverman. Now, if you are a Tomatoes person and you go by that as a rating, I will tell you eventually, if this pulls up, how low the Tomatoes score is. Is it exceptionally low? It's one of the largest audience and critics discrepancies ever,

which is how I rate a good movie. Like, it's got 19. Oh, I thought it was going to be higher. So, yeah, this is fully underrated then. It's got 19% critics, 51% audience. That should be 19 and like 91. Okay, now let's check a real movie site.

Checkmovieratings.net. Let's see what the boys got. Because I think this could actually be a hell of a selling point for them. If they have a solid score, I'm going to say if they got 70 plus or up. How about that? Knowing Jeff and them, yeah, you're going to have to, right? They're going to

like Saving Silverman. Is there an internet in here? Okay, but anyway, while we're looking that up, I'll go. Yeah. Okay. My number one, and this is... Oh, wait, let me just say this. Saving Silverman is just probably the ultimate lay on the couch, hungover- Saving Silverman, I would rather watch on TV.

Yeah, I'd rather have commercials. I want the commercials. I want the stumble-upon factor. Titanic, I'm the same way. You want on the five hours of it? I think it's hilarious to just waste a whole Saturday. 75. 75 is-

So, fuck Rotten Tomatoes. Fuck RT. I've been all for Rotten Tomatoes for years. I always check it to make points because I know you motherfucking sheep out there. Like Dave always says to me, he's like, what do you mean? It's got a good tomato score. I'm like, I don't care about tomatoes. I care about what I think about the fucking movie.

And here's why I don't like it. So if you want to go, if you want to go by ratings of other people and you want a trusted movie experience, like a person who you know has a normal fucking brain, go to MovieRankings.net. I actually, I used it last night. I did it as a random movie generator. I love it.

I know. Even if you hit it a few times, you're not fucking sworn to watch the one it gets on. Right. But you hit it a few times, you find one. I ended up watching All the Money in the World.

Great movie. Great movie. Really good movie. But my number one, see, All the Money, it was actually so, I had such i was gonna say all the money in the world because it was like i was the man opened up with 25 minutes talking

about he was how he's deep in a d-hole yeah it was funny right yeah it was fucking it was just such an awesome weekend because it was like i was not even playing a game but it was just like it was just my how my brain was working it was like oh that actor oh they're in that other fucking movie i love and i just watched that yeah it was like oh they're in that other movie that's like the kevin bacon the six degrees separation shit dude i it was awesome but i forget who the connection even came from from a state of play i don't know what to play oh no no okay so yeah State of Play is gonna be my number one which I just accidentally said I was gonna say Safe House

which is my number two I'm taking the top two picks but I knew I knew you weren't gonna be there yeah you can have them State of Play is a fire cast

fire cast Russell Crowe yep Russell Crowe Ben Affleck Rachel McAdams yeah Helen Mirren

um fucking uh Chris no no not Chris Cooper Helen Mirren Robin Chris, no, not Chris Cooper Helen Mirren, Robin Wright Jason Bateman, Jeff Daniels It's a

monster cast, it's like a it's like an investigative thriller it's it's just awesome Ben Affleck is a senator or congressman When a congressional aide is killed, a Washington, D.C. journalist starts

investigating the case involving his representative, his old college friend. Yeah, and Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck were fucking college roommates and then he's the investigator for the city. And IMDB got like 7 out of 10.

It's got good ratings here. We can go to MovieRankings.net, too, and do it here. But it's crazy that you can have, like, Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck. I didn't even know it, you know? Well, how about there's one other one. I'm just going to throw this in there because it was. Nick, let's just make sure we look up all of our movies on the guys' sites. It was fucking.

Sorry, I lost my train of thought. Look at that. Jeff G. Lowe, 82. Yeah! The boys! This is the boys. They know. So in this one, I'm going with the under-viewed aspect of underrated.

But it is because no one knows about it. And then this was... I forget what from all the money in the world led me to this. And then from this, a recommended movie was The Company You Keep, which I tweeted about this morning. And it is, I'm going to tell you this cast.

Is that like a thriller, or like a scary movie? No, no, no, no, no. But this cast is Robert Redford, Shia LaBeouf, Julie Christie, Susan Sarandon, Nick Nolte, Chris Cooper, who's one of those,

if you've seen him, you've seen him, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrence Howard, Stanley Tucci, Richard Jenkins, who's the dad and stepbrothers and stuff like that. Anna Kendrick, Brendan Gleeson, Sam Elliott, and Stephen Root. Sheesh. It is a fire, fire cast. And that movie is an unbelievable piece of shit.

Like, it is, it is shockingly bad. It was was like everybody was there for the paycheck and nobody i was like i was honestly googling like what happened in hollywood in 2012 yeah all these people needed to be attached to this script it was so bad it was like this guy a favor or something the writer's room had like remember in the office when they're throwing uh watermelons off the roof yeah like the writer's room I think they all wrote down on a piece of paper some kind of plot line that happens in a movie. And then they all fucking took a shit in a bag.

And then they threw that bag off the roof and wherever the splatter landed, whatever, if there's any splatter on any fucking plot line, they had to use that in it. And then, they were like, they had the idea, like, let's just fucking let's tank this movie. And then they were like, they'd come back three days later and be like you guys aren't gonna fucking believe this but we're somehow back on the storyline like it would somehow work like

we gotta fuck up harder and then like okay next week dude it's still working how the fuck are we still here like we are intentionally making this we're taking them all there's even a scene in the movie where Robert Redford is on the run and they're like they're contracting all his card use and all that stuff

and it's still like I can't tell where he's going I was like that's meta that I was like, that's meta. That's meta right there. That is some good writing. They did this on purpose. That's some good.

What did Jeff and the gang say about that? It's not up yet. I tweeted him this morning being like, where is it? It's not fucking bad. And he actually said it's almost like you knew it. Final Works. Grabby movies that are not unwatchably bad, but still not good. Because it is.

It's a good production with great actors in it so it's like it's not like what the fuck it's crazy i'd rather get mad at writers like i can get mad at writers i don't i i i have fun getting mad at writers it's weird when you like how does that not work i don't you know like like there are some times where you know it's like um like uh like what's that jay-z and drake song it's's just not that good. You know what I mean? Like early, back in early,

when Drake, you know what I mean? It's like, that should be better than it is. You see when artists get together and it's like, oh, this can't miss. And it's like,

somehow, I'm gonna miss. It's a big miss. But it's not, no one gives a bad performance or anything like that. Everyone's fucking on their A game. I don't know about A game.

That's a banger cast. That's why my number one, my number two pick, which is my number one pick. And I think what started all this is last week I declared it True Romance, the most underrated movie of all time. And I went back and I watched it. And, yeah, I think I said it last week, too. But the scene with Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken is one of the greatest dialogue scenes ever.

And the fight scene with James Gandolfini and patricia arquette is probably the most difficult thing one of the most difficult things i've ever stomached in a movie it's like bone tomahawk type shit but not as graphic it's just james gandolfini beating the shit out of a girl like a tiny girl girl. And she fights back, actually. And then, actually, I'm just, I feel like people are gonna go watch it right now.

Yeah, I think people are gonna watch it. Okay, so next week we'll talk about it because there's a, I'll watch it, I'll watch it. Yeah, there's a part in the fight scene that is just so like,

I guess it's so Tarantino. But there's a couple like absolutely unbelievable, memorable scenes from there. So, True Romance is my number two pick slash my number one pick. Alright, number three.

An all-time classic. A great movie. I know you're about to say something obnoxiously stupid. No, I'm not. Okay. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Yes! Great pick! Should have been my number one.

See, I didn't make it my number one because Kiss Kiss Bang Bang has arguably the best and wittiest dialogue written in movies. It is unreal. Yeah. It's young RDJ, not young RDJ, but RDJ post breakdown, but young in his comeback. Right.

Right. Right. Now I remember. Yes. Murder mystery, private eyes, struggling axis and a thief. Yeah. It's kind of like Michelle. My hand.

Yeah. It kind of has. It's a mystery. What's that? It's like a mystery. Yeah. It's got it's got Knives Out vibes to it. But it is a...

Great movie. Great for it. Michelle Monaghan, love her. Love her. Vowels in it. It is... The writing is so... It's not...

It's actually not... Is it maybe an 84? 84 and 88 for the boys. I mean, I'm on fire. Spot on. I'm on fire. Hang on. I'm on fire right now.

I'm going to go with... So this is a movie that I'm on fire. Hang on. I'm on fire right now. I'm going to go with. So this is a movie that I think is good, that I don't think is poorly rated by anybody, but I think should be regarded as the best sports movie of all time. And you're probably going to get bent out of shape because you cry at Miracle. You were crying at Miracle in your D-hole this weekend. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. I texted him.

Yeah. John was watching Miracle and crying again. I was deep in my bag. I love you had started it off. It was pretty early in the D-hole weekend. Yeah, you were playing the hits. You know what you wanted to do? You wanted to go to D-hole.

You were like, put on Miracle, start crying. I mean, like, put on some Taylor Swift, really start going. I'll fucking fall down and say spiral staircases real quick. I think the best sports movie ever is Cinderella Man. Oh, no, great movie. But that's what I mean. Anybody who's

seen that, I think really does like it. I think when people say what's the best sports movie of all time, they should be no questions asked. Cinderella Man. It's unbelievable. Russell Crowe ron howard paul giamatti it's about the depression it's about your family it's about redemption comebacks and then just like boxing on top of it i think it should be it would be i would give it a 100 out of 100 uh if i was if i was doing any rankings and i'm sure i'm sure it made a ton of money in the box office.

That's actually one for my Saving Silverman. Saving Silverman made $19 million. Shut the fuck up. That is criminal. Like, Dave Portnoy could buy Saving Silverman cash right now. That's disgusting. The legacy of Saving Silverman. Cash.

Like, that's so fucked up. That is really. That movie sucked. And it's, like, timeless problem is they should have it should have been like they should have been the first two vod yes we're gonna stream this for the commercial for the high for the high people yes exactly uh so i'm sure i'm sure cinderella man did like crazy good but i think it's the greatest sports movie of all time so underrated that's a great great pick um man dude they're fuck they're like i'm looking at ken ken ken jack 84 and jeff d low

with 81 i would love to know i would love to know like what else does that movie need to do better or different like what's the problem it's perfect who who plays the fucking because he goes on to become a famous actor i think who plays the fucking i the boxer who kills people bear max bear max bear he's like a fake clive owen is who he is okay i think he's the guy who's the the the fox in um oceans 12 yeah uh you know who he is he's the no that was clive owen. Never mind. No. Craig? No, that's him. Yeah, that's just a bad picture of him. I think, right?

No, no, that is him, but he's just not at all who I thought he was. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't think he had much of a career after, which is crazy because he was awesome in that.

There's a scene where Max Baer, they ring the bell, and it's like after he had one good round against them, and they ring the bell for the second round, and he comes marching out, and the way the camera, it's like a fishbowl lens kind of whatever, so you see him coming at you, and they ring the bell for the second round, and he comes marching out, and the way the camera,

it's like a fishbowl lens kind of whatever, so you see him coming at you, and Paul Giamatti goes, oh, fuck. He's like, he's gonna kill him now. Oh, man. I might watch Cinderella Man tonight. Great, great pick.

And the title, you know, Cinderella Man is just like the coolest fucking title ever. Okay. See, now I'm in a tough spot, because I have about 12 other names right now. Yeah, I know. I got a bunch, too.

Man. Okay, so I'm not going to put this one on the list, but it just reminded me. We got a lot of Russell Crowe in here. First of all, shout out Russell Crowe. Disney Plus. Got that cash. He's in the new Thor. Oh, wow.

What does that mean? The new Thor is with, like. What do you mean? Like Hemsworth? I think it's called She-Thor, right? Is that the one it is? Or is it the other one they're in? It's Thor Love and Thunder. Love and Thunder. Yeah think it's called She-Thor, right? Is that the one it is? Or is it the other one they're in? It's not Thor Love and Thunder.

Love and Thunder. Yeah. Oh, but She-Thor is in it. Natalie Portman is going to be coming back. So you're saying he's just in Thor. Yeah, he's in it. He's not playing. Yeah.

No, no, no. He's in Thor. I thought you were saying he's like God. Also, I forgot that Christian Bale was in that. Yeah. And Matt Damon. They got monster cats. What do we got to do to just make Christian Bale be Batman?

What do we got to do? What do we got to do, Christian make Christian Bale be Batman? What do we got to do? What do we got to do, Christian? What's it going to take? You're doing other superhero shit now? I'm not calling for that. Why not? I'm excited to see Pattinson. Pattinson will be fine.

But where do we go? Why did he stop? Why do we do this Ben Affleck thing? Why do we even? Just keep going. Just don't stop. Come on back, Christian. If he's going to be doing other fucking superhero things, he

should do Batman. I think Affleck might be coming back now. Fuck! Now with all the Snyder Cut shit. Yeah, I think they want to keep going with that. Oh, fuck off. I've never seen any of those, but I heard Affleck does a pretty good job. No, he does fine. No, he doesn't. He's not good. I like my boy

Ben. Anyway, Russell Crowe, another very underrated movie, Russell Crowe, that's not on this list. Body of Lies. Mm-hmm. He seemed to have done a bunch of those kind of things. That's right. I did. Investigative guy. In a separate D-hole, I did Body of Lies into State of Play because it was whatever.

So last night I did the opposite. But it is. I think if you told most people people did you know Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe right that's another one it just didn't work but it does work

but it just didn't get the love didn't get it so I'm gonna go by number four Gone Baby Gone okay Gone Baby Gone fire great movie

unbelievable film I bet they're gonna be in the 90s for this one 86 86 and 88 man I was right fucking there that's with who's the main

Casey Affleck I think Michelle Monaghan's in there and Ben Affleck directed it so we got all sorts of Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris love Ed Harris Ed Harris is a great actor yeah that's a great movie

okay my four pick. I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with a movie we talked about. We've interviewed this person, and I told him that I think this is one of the most underrated movies, so I'm gonna have to stick with it. Kevin Bacon's Stir of Echoes.

Oh, right. Scary fucking movie. At a time when the Ring and those other movies, there was like a, I guess The Others was one. It was kind of like a rash of like those horror movies, The Grudge, all that shit. And prior to that, I think it was like, I think it was more around like The Sixth Sense.

It was the Stir of Echoes movie. And Stir of Echoes is stir of echoes is fucking awesome 82 and 50 52 for oh 62 and 52 fuck you guys stir of echoes stir of echoes that's another one that i've seen i've watched on um on like uh you know tnt tbs like on tv but uh kevin bacon doing like uh fucking weird like there's a ghost. There's like he's having like visions and shit. He ends up tracking down like a rape case, murder case. But I told I got to stick true to it. I told him right to his face. It was one of the most underrated.

It's got to be on my list. I remember the I remember you saying that to me. And then probably before the interview. And then I looked it up and I watched the trailer. And boy, does that thing look like a piece of shit. You don't get to say that ever again. You have made too much. You have made your bed.

You do not get to say that about anyone ever again. I'm comfy as hell in it, but don't you worry. I'll still piss over the side every once in a while. All right, number five. This is a tough one. I still piss over the side every once in a while alright number 5 this is a tough one before I say number 5 I'm just going to run off the other ones I have on this list Dante's Peak

you got overshadowed by Volcano it did that's like when No Streets Attached and Friends of Benefits came out at the same time Dante's Peak and Volcano when there was Armageddon with the other one and Friends of Benefits came out at the same time, Dante's Peak and Volcano, when there was Armageddon with the other one.

Armageddon and Deep Impact. I have Enemy of the State. What? Enemy of the State. Yep. Because that got overshadowed, I think, by Enemy at the Gates. No, I don't think so. I think Enemy of the State's pretty popular.

Is it? Well, I mean, it's definitely popular, but I just feel like it didn't get the love it deserves. It's an underrated one. I have The Illusionist, because that got overshadowed by The Prestige which I was going to say The Prestige

but then I looked up everything about The Prestige and everybody loves The Prestige oh yeah watch it this weekend like 90% across the board on everything you just say it

you name the movie John watched it this weekend I was staying up until about 8am every morning Lucky Number Slevin great one great one

also makes me think of Smoke and Aces yeah that was a fun one too this one's a little more you get the Kansas City Shuffle Smoke and Aces. Yeah. That was a fun one, too. Yeah, this one's a little more, you'd think it was a Kansas City Shuffle. Smoke and Aces is a little more shoot-em-up. But this is a little... This one, Walk Tall, a great film.

That's The Rock. Yeah, not a great film. Yeah, no, see, because that falls into my genre of... Of bad movies. Of movies where a hero came home because he wanted some peace, and you fucked with his family and now everyone has to die aka all of Denzel movies

and The Rock got to do one Denzel passed and they're like let's go get The Rock only The Brave I think probably should be on here yeah definitely shit I should have had that on there I think we talk about it so much I have my last one is Game Night.

I think Game Night is so fucking funny. So fucking, watch it this weekend. So funny. Wait, is that the one with Steve Carell?

No, Game Night's fucking Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams and, and Lamont Moore. You never, you've never seen Game Night?

No, I have. Yeah, I don't, I don't think it was that good. Oh, I think I saw that and I don't like it. I like the one with Jason Bateman, the office party night.

Oh, it's called Office Party. It's Out Cold? Yeah. Oh, no, Christmas Party. Office Christmas Party. Yeah, that one's just a fucking fiasco of a movie. Project X with adults. Yeah.

It really is, yeah. What did they give that one? 60 and 67. Fuck you, guys. But my number five is Out Cold. What did they give that one? 60 and 67. Fuck you guys. But my number five is Out Cold. Oh, that's a classic. Yeah. I mean, an unbelievable film.

Just if you are, that probably came from skiing lately, but it is 10 out of 10. I'm going to go. So the last one's on my list. I went. Five out of 10. All right. So let's see if we can go murder Ken Jack after this. Five. Wow. I'm'm gonna go with my i have i have uh i wanted to do the the most underrated um

the most underrated disney movie of all time no i'm good i got one uh sword in the stone the greatest the greatest ever it's old so it never gets any love everyone talks about lion king sword of the stone king King Arthur, Merlin vibes. It's the best. That and Robin Hood are the two best Disney movies of all time. They should actually do one of the live remake things with Sword in the Stone. I have for comedy, Shaun of the Dead. You ever seen Shaun of the Dead?

I haven't seen it. I know it's good, but I have a strong cult following. Oh, it's great. It's great. It's got that British humor, and it's got that guy from The Thing and the other guy from The Thing. Yeah, I know literally exactly who you're talking about. They got the bar when we did our top five fictional bars,

the Winchesters, the place they go. And it makes fun of the zombie genre so well. I think I never watch it because I don't like zombies that much. 94 from fucking Jeff D. Lowe. He knows what's up. 95 from Ken Jack. Yeah! Shaun of the Dead is, look at that, 30 million in the box office.

Is that what it says there? I mean, that should be 300 million. Fuck the world. I'm pretty sure this movie is going to be regarded as a piece of shit, but I love it. Have you ever seen Identity with John Cusack? No. It's such a cool premise. I'm going to just throw it.

Cusack runaway jury, though. Great one. Great movie. Those two are, like, connected. When I was bootlegging movies, when I went through my phases of bootlegger, I had both of those, like, on deck. Like, I was, like, giving those ones out to friends. You got to watch these movies.

Identity is everybody. There's like a big horrific storm, like crazy rain. And all of these different people are like traveling on the road. And they all stop at like a motel. And they're all trapped there for the night. And while they're all in the motel, like nearby there's like an asylum and you see they keep cutting back and forth

to this guy who's like, he's like in a straitjacket. He's crazy. He's getting wheeled around. Long story short, mega spoiler alert. In the end, you learn that everybody in the motel is a personality inside this guy's brain. Oh, you've told me about this before.

Yeah. And, like, they're trying to kill off all the – he's trying to kill off all the identities that know the truth about, like, him being a murderer so that he can lie on the stand or something like that. And it's just – I'm sure it's, like, totally sloppily done and a bag of shit. But when I saw it the first time i was like oh because i just well i still don't i still don't think anybody watching that would be like oh yeah it's they're all personalities i don't know but uh but that one and then um uh one more where is it um water world water world gets a bad rap water world was a $100 million complete and total flop. It's kind of a cool movie.

At least the idea is the whole world is flooded and you have to live in this post-apocalyptic world on the water. But I mean, it's a bag of shit. But there's like they drink their pee. They drink their own pee. And there's like these jet ski gangs that that Dennis Hopper runs, I think. Wow. See, it made big money. But it was regarded as one of the biggest critical flops of all time.

I think, I want to say, and maybe I'm wrong, but I want to say it was the first. That's still right there. I'd be like, yeah, that makes a ton of sense. It was like Mad Max on the ocean. Right, right. Yeah. Also a shit movie. Mad Max sucks.

I hate Mad Max. Too much action. Why does it get so much love? Too much action. Both old and new. You gotta have the Fast and the Furious style action where you got the family.

You gotta like, alright, I don't have an emotional connection to any of these people. Yeah, they're so weird. It's too, it's too, like,

too depressing. I was like, kill everyone. I don't give a shit. But I think Waterworld was the first movie that ever cost $100 million or something like that. It was like the biggest budget ever and so't give a shit. But I think Waterworld was the first movie that ever cost $100 million or something like that.

It was like the biggest budget ever. And so it made a ton of money. And then everyone who walked out of there was like, this movie fucking sucks. And it does. But I don't think it sucks as bad as you were expecting it to be the best movie of all time. $175 million. And that was made in what? 1995?

4? 95. So you're doing $175 million in 95? That's like 500 million today. And it was like, oh yeah, this stinks. Who directed that? Somebody's been shot by now. Yeah. I mean,

crazed fucking film fan. You ruined cinema! Marty Scorsese told me! Alright, so send us your top five underrated movies. It can be any genre, any reason to be underrated. Let us know.

Let's get into voicemails. We can save this for another time. I do have one other thing that I think you're really going to like. But we can save it. We have an hour with Nikki. We've already done one hour. Okay. Hold on, we've done an hour and a half already?

Hour 34. Yeah, so we save it, but don't forget. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably hour 15-ish. How long do you think it is, what you're about to do? Fucking do it. Who cares? Okay.

All right, let's do it. You want me to intro it, or you want me to do it? Yeah, intro it. John's other notebook. Whoa. Whoa. Keep all this in. Because that was John's other notebook

is brought to you by Revitalite. Stop, baby. Now, John's other notebook. That sounds like some shit. That sounds like when they're like, you want to see what's in the back? Like, yeah, yeah, this is where the normal people are. Come in the back. This is the normal depression.

You go to John's other notebook, it's for the real depressos. For the real bags of shit. This one's a lot. What is it where he's like, I keep a second notebook to hide secrets from my first notebook? First of all, folks, I have three notebooks. I got a fourth that nobody's ever going to see. I got a third that you might catch the next episode and a fourth that never sees the light of day. The one I burn three notebooks. I got a fourth that nobody's ever going to see.

I got a third that you might catch the next episode and a fourth that never sees the light of day. I don't want to burn every night. When I sit there and I drink my whiskey and I get a hangover and the next day I got to slug my Revitalite. No, come on. You don't have to do that. Just use the little tab, you moron. My esteemed colleague can't open Revitalite because he's a dumb fuck. Why don't you guys let me do my thing my way?

You almost just killed Josh with the fucking tip of the thing. Oh, my bad, man. Look at this. Look at this. It's like a fucking raccoon getting through the trash. I promise you it's a lot easier to open up Revitalite than that. If you're watching on the YouTube, you watch John just struggle with that like he's a wild animal trying to get into a fucking bottle.

It's much easier. You pop it open, you rip open the tab very easily, and you start slugging that Revitalite. What flavor is that? That's the... This is strawberry. There's the orange mix, there's the purple one, and all of them help you fight the hangover, help you stay hydrated. Now, like I said,

I don't even need to fight the hangover. I just need to fight life. I wake up every morning now, and my hands don't work, and my legs are sore, and I'm like, what did I do last night? Like nothing except get like a nice nine hours of sleep. So I slug the Revitalite anyway. Crack it open before you drink, while you drink. I say you even make your mixed drinks with it after you drink,

and then in the morning, and you will fight that hangover. It won't even ever really get cooking. You've got to stop the hangover before it even starts, and that's what Revitalite does. And the beauty of it all is that it's in the Barstool store now. So it used to be, hey, you can find us in the drinks aisle. You don't have to go to the baby aisle to get Pedialyte anymore. We're just cutting right to the chase. We're putting it right there for the D-gens.

You just go right on store.barstoolsports.com, and you can. We're putting it right there for the D gens. You just go right on a store. That barstoolsports.com and you can buy the revitalite right there. Uh, right, right off our site while you're buying our other merch, you can get the sad boy season shirts. You can get your Viva line and you get your revitalite. Uh,

and right now you can use the code for your favorite, uh, bar for the best bar challenge. It's down to two bars. So buy your revitalite and put which, uh, whichever your favorite bars are in. If you go to one of those colleges or you're a frequent patron at one of those bars, you want your place to win, go buy some Revitalite and use the code for your favorite college bar

and get that Revitalite, stop that hangover. John's other notebook. I started drawing. I was going to say, please tell me his pictures. We've gone on. So let me tell you. We were filming. We were getting ready to film.

And Nick's getting the table ready. And he grabs that. And John was like, that's mine. He went like this. He went, and please go watch the YouTube and subscribe. Because he went like this. Like, that's for me. He gave it a pat and was like, that's mine.

It is. So we've now gone on from the writings, the ramblings of a madman, onto the pictures of a madman. But I'm not like, these aren't from my mind. I'm drawing. I'm working on becoming good at drawing. So I'm coming from like. Even better.

You think these are going to be good? No, no, no. But your intent is to be good. My intent is I'm trying to be good. You think these are going to be good No no no But your intent is to be good My intent is I'm trying to be good Now I have Are you drawing with pencils Yes And I have

So I just bought like a sketchbook So this is just on how to do figures There's only like probably like Five or six in there So this is just a sketchbook It's just how to do figures I have one very clear problem And I'm wondering if it's going to stick out to you yet

Now again it's just figures So like there's Like you're going to be like I you yet. Now, again, it's just figures. So, like, you're going to be like, I can't draw heads. I can't draw hands. Well, I can't even, like, it's not even attempting to teach me how to do faces or hands. Okay. Or, like, feet or anything like that. Okay. But I have one major problem.

The ballerina we start off with. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Is this supposed to be a dude? So, you quickly stumbled into my major problem. I can only draw the male form.

I was going to say. Everyone is so thick. This is a ballerina? I wish I had this physique of this ballerina. This guy's fucking jacked. Look at his pecs. They're supposed to be boobs, Kevin. They're supposed to be boobs.

I just don't know how to draw boobs. Well, first of all, John, boobs are round. You made these things square. It's their level, because his fucking chest is so goddamn broad. Yeah. Everyone. He's got, like, the arrows and the abs. Like, he's got those square pecs.

Looks like fucking James Harrison, like, in his off-season. This is a straight-up dude. This is a dude ballerina. So that one's a dude. A kneeling man is definitely supposed to be a dude. That looks like a straight up dude. This is a dude ballerina. So that one's a dude. The kneeling man is definitely supposed to be a dude. That looks like a kneeling dude. But that, again, has the same body as a ballerina. Come in front so I can show it to both cameras, Josh.

The kneeling man. The kneeling woman. This looks like, from here up, looks like a woman. From there down, she thick. She thick. Also thick. I can't figure out how to make people not thick. She thick.

It's impossible. She got thighs like an Easter ham, bro. Yo, she looks like fucking, what's her name in the boys? She's going to squish your fucking head. Bro, that looks, I mean, compare her wrists and her hands to her thighs. This is some Megan Thee Stallion shit. That one is my worst one. And she's got a helmet of hair.

Looks like a literal helmet. Looks like when Charlie Brown wore a pumpkin as a helmet in that you know what I'm talking about? You ever see that? When I'm doing a drawing and I stink at it, I just have faith in it and I'm getting this stuff and I'm like I just want to get done with this. I know this already sucks. Whatever. Sitting sideways.

That one looks like a chick. That one's pretty good. That one I fucking somehow. Because look, you made her tits round. Those are still. No, those look like round. Those are. They're not great.

But they're round, at least. They are round. And that leg is a normal girl leg. That's a pretty thick thigh. But that's a normal girl leg. Yeah, you drew. You drew. You know, you gave her normal size legs and boobs.

I don't know. But no, it's not the legs. It's how they have you draw is so fucking hard. And it's how I guess you're supposed to draw figures. And it's just, I can't figure out how to not make them so thick. This looks, okay. Dancing girl looks like. Okay.

I know what you're going to say. I don't want to make you say it though. Well, no, I mean, this looks like... I know what you're going to say. I don't want to make you say it, though. No, I mean, this looks like... Oh, that looks like someone entering a transgender UFC fight. It definitely... It looks like the Wayans brothers in White Chicks.

It looks like a guy wearing a wig. He's walking in the rain. Jesus Christ, it's getting my fucking ass. It looks like Cyborg. Almost like someone as a prank. Jesus Christ, it's going to take my fucking ass. It looks like Cyborg. Amanda Nunez here. Almost like someone as a prank. You know, like, oh, I'm going to change my gender so I can fight a woman.

And that dude gets in the ring. This looks like when you are picking your fighter in Street Fighter. And they're sitting there and they're bouncing back and forth. Except it's a girl, but it's not. That one's... I'm not very good. I'm not very good i'm not very good no but you know what these are better i mean i i i i'm i'm assuming whatever you're watching on youtube or whatever that's teaching you is like no i bought a book you bought a book so you're doing a book to a book um you know they are like they're all they are yeah you just you just got a problem you know what i, I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with this,

with like your masculinity issues or some shit. I think it's just like I've done. I was saying this to my girlfriend last night. It was like there was one, like I think I had to fix. Bro, you showed that? What did she say? Was she just like, oh, nice. I do it at the kitchen table.

Oh, yeah. So like that arm, it just looks like me leaning. I'm like, I think I just. You draw yourself. i just only draw myself yeah i'm that narcissist i was gonna say that that is for sure a therapy session it looks like me yeah i'm like yeah that's i have definitely long definitely even like yeah like i was actually gonna say this is like what your chest looks like like it's like a long i'm longer in the body like the torso than i am in the leg i got crazy short legs i i tell you this that looks like you wearing a bodysuit on your knees covering your tits i mean that is john in a bodysuit with his fat thighs covering up his titties

and it was uh but like my dad's a good drawer and uh so i i So I sent him one of them. I was like, oh. You know what this looks like? That's how you dance. When you do that thing. Yeah, you dance that. That's John dancing. Dancing girl is John.

Are you going to transition? Is this the beginning? Are you a guy who's gonna turn into a girl and one day and one no no i'm seeing all these pictures there's some sort of weird issue on them in the order they're in the book and i know it goes female male but i'm saying the fact that all the girls look like men and then look like you it's gonna be like yeah back like when back when he was like 30 he had these things where he drew it like all the females look like him. I don't know. I mean, it was the beginning of it all.

You're a transsexual, John. You're transgender. I keep trying to do it so hard. I'm like, just stop being so wide. I just can't. I'm picturing him like he sketches one line, and then he sketches another that's just clearly like a centimeter too far. And you're like, fuck, I did it again. But you could clearly just move your pen

over and you don't that is hilarious what inspired this I don't know just find something to do a therapist tell you to do this picking up a hobby yeah and actually that is how I got the idea of this sweatshirt I like started to sketch stuff and I was like I was like oh you know what would be cool like a sketch like this you know we should do we should say that that's yeah you do that pretend that we never say that you do that pretend that we never said that shit earlier okay yeah yeah yeah yeah don't show him any of these but i sent it to my dad just to be like oh like hey like he's a good drawer i was like hey just

like been doing some work like they'll be like oh oh, that's awesome. Just gave me a call. You know what I'd do? Tell me the proper way to do this. He's like, so just so you know, like, when you're sketching, like, the under, like, I don't know, you don't need to explain how to draw, but, like, there's a lot of stuff that's erased in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you gotta draw just, like, a lot, lot, like, a real lot lighter on your first go around.

Yeah. Dude, and they're not bad. They're not bad. They're better than I would have guessed you sketching ballerinas would go. Really? Yes. All right, thank you.

Yeah. We got some issues to work on, but I think the drawings are pretty good. Let's go to our voicemails. Now I'm pissed off that you have a hobby. What do you do? You're going to be like, I draw. I actually don't do anything anymore

I don't fucking really like it oh I have a question for you okay um uh we did this we kinda did this we were supposed to do this

on pints but we never got around to it I I did an ad before pints and I like it was 30 seconds like

to the T you know and everybody was like whoa and I was like yeah I think I just had this internal clock

when we do our ads, they're 30 seconds, 15 seconds. When I do a podcast, sometimes I know to stop on like an hour. I just have like a feel for it. And they were like impressed. And I was like, well, yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's the only thing I've done.

So now we got a clock to do it. And Grinnell says to me, what's the thing, what do you think you've done more? What do you think you've done like the most of in this life? Or what's the only thing you've done more than podcast and kind of joking i was like i don't know if i'm gonna jerk off and then we started thinking like what do you think i've done more

of jerking off you personally yes and and thereby you really uh jerking off or podcasting because we started jerking off way way earlier but when you podcast you podcast for like an hour so like because if you think about well mine wasn't gonna be jerking off way way earlier but when you podcast you podcast for like an hour so like because if you're thinking about well mine wasn't gonna be jerking off and i i mine is playing hockey and i think i've probably still played more hockey really yeah i mean i used to play every day for like like an hour practice like three hour games on how many years from when i was probably four until 20 so So, yeah. You played every day?

I mean, like, in season. I would play, like, multiple teams. So, like... So you'd play year-round? Yeah. Summer hockey wasn't from when I was that young to when I was that old, but, yeah, I definitely played summer hockey

for a while, too. All right. Well, anyway, you have hockey. And that's a maybe. It's close. We're probably getting to right around. Yeah, the threshold. Right.

So that's what I was like. The amount of I've been podcasting for like 10 years, let's call it. Been jerking off for like 20. So I have like double the time. But, you know, sometimes it's like a minute long. It's like pow, pow, pow. But podcasts go on for like an hour i think i might be reaching a breaking point of like more times but i would say you've definitely

podcasted more i don't know i bet you don't fucking speak for me how about you check your tone how about you check your tone and your privilege? Okay. Well, I'm surprised because you jerk off way more than me. You'll hit like double digits. So I'm surprised that you're downplaying your – I cleaned my sheets twice this weekend. That's obviously a lie.

I just waited, man. He didn't clean them. It's not a lie that he needed to clean them. It's a lie that he did clean them. And he won't do it for another month as is. The most embarrassing thing is I did clean them yesterday. Fucking got in bed last night.

Fucking spilled chocolate everywhere. I get so much chocolate in my bed. These are problems that adults should not be having. That should be what Keegan says to me. Like, Dad, I got more chocolate in my bed. And I'm like, God damn it. You, the grown man or something. When I was fucking high last night laughing my tits off.

All bets are off. I had, I think last night I ate a full bag, the big bag, big boy bag, Doritos, Cool Ranch. I had a fucking full box frozen frozen beep that out um the uh i had a full bag of justin's peanut butter cups frozen i had leave that in um i had a frozen pizza that i heated up i got i got a bag of blue red hot chips, crushed that, then decided it was time for something sweet again, so I got a bag of Guster's. This is all in my

fucking apartment. I didn't have to go outside for a second. Was this like a day or a night? No, this was... Like dinner. This is from probably 11 p.m. until 4 a.m. this morning. And you're wondering why I'm on the toilet fucking writing songs. I have a lot of time on my hands.

You just judged Kevin for having the whole Oreo thing. No. Yeah. Yeah, you were sober. I was high. I was super high. I was fucking high. I was high, high.

I mean, John, you might be high, high. You are also depressed, depressed. We're reaching a point where I'm like, I don't know if we can keep laughing at this. We might be just missing signs here. Well, anyway, what I was going to say was I had a science experience in my bed of just crumbs and candy and sugar morsels and chocolate that I slept on and made stains with. It is. I've got to wash the sheets again. Long story short, I've got to wash my sheets again tonight.

For the love of God, play voicemails. Voicemails are brought to you by Miller Lite, the number one way to check in on your friend and make sure if he's okay. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to send some Miller Lite to your front doorstep. You're picking up your delivery of your snacks and your morsels and your sweets and your pizzas. You're getting your

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quarantines and pandemics and masks and not masks and covid and not covid and testing and vaccines you can just get miller light sent right to your door did you notice that our friend dana b finally saw the light yeah fucking took a long Took a long enough. Yeah, I mean, part of me is like, good, you're a grown man. Everybody starts out drinking other light beers, and then when they grow up and they realize, like, oh, this just tastes better, I'm going to drink this. Then you switch over to Miller Lite. So now we have official Zillion Beers Miller Lite shirts on sale.

So fuck off with that other shit. Dana B., the zillion beers guy, officially saw the light. Get it? I think people have a different beer that they drink just because it's like, I don't know, in college and high school you kind of do it. And then I think the second you have a Miller Lite,

you're like, why the fuck wasn't I drinking this all the time? Because it just tastes like beer. So much better. Their tagline should be Miller Lite. It tastes like beer is supposed to taste. It's just like, why the fuck wasn't I drinking this all day? Because it just tastes like beer. So much better. Their tagline should be Miller Lite. It tastes like beer is supposed to taste. It's just like, this is a beer. This is what a beer should look like. This is what a beer should taste like.

And maybe when you're younger, you know, yeah, your region, your town, your older kids, your dad, whatever, somebody drinks something else, so you start with that. You start with Shady Beer, you end with Miller Lite. Because once you find it, you start with shady beer you end with miller light because once you find it you never go to any other anything else so uh dana b saw the light you should too get on board with miller light it's uh 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces it's the original light beer celebrate responsibly it's from the miller brewing company in milwaukee wisconsin so you know it's the real deal 96 calories 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces so you're

gonna not get fat while you eat it, while you drink it. And let the good times roll with a great taste, less filling. Go to MillerLite.com slash KFC voicemails. Let's go. KFC, slice is good. First time, long time. I was pretty high the other day, and I was thinking about that old internet joke about how birds aren't real and they're government cameras or whatever.

Joke? I started to think about what if instead of government cameras, they were some sort of alien cameras, and they have a reality TV show about Earth on their planet. And if that were the case, I was thinking about what some of the best episodes might be like i feel like during the whole season during world war ii was probably bonkers when we bombed japan they're probably just like holy shit like they're all just fucking killing each other dude great question if birds. If birds were alien... You could make the argument this is the best question we've ever been asked.

It's certainly in a long time. If birds were alien cameramen, because as we know, birds aren't real. They're spy cameras for the government. And they were filming the human race

for like a Truman Show type of reality show. What would be the greatest episodes in that series history by the way I'm looking at Twitter and I see that the trial of Derek Chauvin is getting underway so it should be a great episode in the next couple weeks Jesus fucking Christ that's gonna be a nightmare next episode why you got you guys lot to say no I meant like next episode of that series oh oh oh oh I was like the human race I got a lot to prepare like next episode of that series. Oh, oh, oh. Of the human race. I was like, I got a lot to prepare.

The next episode of human. What would that show be called? Kevin just gave me so much fucking homework. Welcome back to KFC Radio. Number one, we've got come spit shoes on sale. Number two, Derek Chauvin. Did he do it? What would that show be called?

Like, I think it should just be called Human or something dramatic like that. Like, yo, did you see the new episode of Human? Like the movie Alien. It's just cut right to the chase. Human. But they don't call us humans. They don't? No.

What do they call us? We call us humans. I don't know what they call us. They might call us humans. I don't think they do. I think they do. I think that humans, well, it depends on what you, what theories you subscribe to.

I feel like aliens have like been here and kind of have been influencing us and shit because they were like, this show sucks. We got to like, you know, you guys don't even have like cars yet. Here's some like info in your brain. Zap. And all of a sudden aliens is like crazy, like science experiment shit. They're just fucking reality show producers. Honestly, you know what happened?

You know what? You know what the Renaissance is renaissance is they just got new producers and they were like this shit is boring you gotta make these people smart and interesting so they go down and they zap us because they always say that that that the jump in in knowledge in the renaissance just like does not make sense where it's like we went from like fucking morons just trying to survive to like leonardo da vinci coming up with ideas and shit so it's like that that's where a lot of people believe if you if you believe in like human alien like intermixing throughout history that there's certain periods of time where there's just enormous jumps in

in like human behavior and human knowledge that like the only explanation is or the more the more reasonable explanation is that aliens came down and gave us like a lesson so what would the best episodes be i mean unfortunately what's crazy is you go to all the tragedy right you're like world war ii and 9-11 would be crazy and like but like what would the good episodes be because really i don't want to just sit here and rattle off all the bad times in history path 20 to 3 oh fuck off you know what i think would be cool you know what you know i've always heard of there was this period of time when condoms and birth control, when birth control was invented, the pill, and before the AIDS epidemic.

So like the seven, I think it was like, I think like 69 was birth control. I want to say something like that. And then AIDS was like mid 80s when it started to hit. So there's like a 15 year run there where just everybody was fucking. Oh, yeah. You could do the 70s. Yeah. Like, it was just like.

I'm sure there's some really horrible things happening in the 70s. There's always horrible things happening. Not coming to mind right now. But imagine if your favorite show. It was the age of Pisces. Of course there were horrible things happening. Age of Aquarius has been all good. By the way, like, someone did reach out to me and they were like, my grandma died immediately after that.

Yeah, someone tweeted that. I fucking called it the next day. Well, listen, literally every day someone's grandma's going to die. My easiest call ever. Right. Today, someone's grandma died. Tomorrow, someone's grandma died. I'd have more concern about calling it the sun comes up tomorrow.

How many days? Someone who's listening to this show's grandma dies tomorrow. How many days in a row? Someone listening right now, it's going to happen to you too. I might do that. I might start ending every show like that. Aubrey Zimmerman said. That's the end of KC Radio.

One of your grandmas is going to die tomorrow. Definitely. You're doing that. Yep. You know what you do? You do that, and I'm going to open, and I'll open every episode with sorry about your grandma. Sorry. Yeah, it's done.

Done. I love it. I love it. That's going to be such a great Easter egg. Both my grandmas are dead. Not going to be me, bitches. Never. Won't ever have to be our problem.

Nope. Nope. You guys got grandparents? Yeah. I mean, every time I get a call, I'm like, this could be bad. So soon enough, it's going to be Nick's grandparents. I got one left. I'm going to call her today just to be sure.

One day, he's going to come in and be like, guys, it happened. And that day is going to hit a little too real, I think. The power we wield. This joke is running its course. This joke has gone a little too far. How many days in a row do you think someone, a listener of our show's grandma, has died? How many listeners do we have? How many days have we been in business? do you think someone a listener of our show's grandma has died like how many how many listeners do we have how many days have we been in business do you think that every no not every every single day we've been i can't be every single but i bet you like a solid like a solid like years worth i bet you like 300 days in a row somebody's listening

somebody grandma's died probably yeah like three 350 days in a row yeah yeah i think so that's it's just it's just science we take a couple hundred thousand people and you're like. Yeah, but that's what I mean. And you take a 90-year-old person, you throw in a pandemic. Yeah. But I lose a lot of them. But I've been dropping like flies lately. That is the mix of how you have a grandma die every day.

A couple hundred thousand people listen to a stupid show. Drop a disease. Take a bunch of old people, throw a little splice of disease in there. Salt bae that shit. Next thing you know, years worth of dead grandparents. Drizzle it with a fucking Cuomo cover-up.

Bang, bang, bang. Oh my God. Anyway. Best episodes. I mean, this is our best question because it's such an impossible question. Like, I don't. But what are some good ones? Like, what are good things that happen in this world?

Yeah. You got someone fucking just peeking out of a D-hole. I was going to say. Not much for this fucking guy here. Oh, God. The filming of Safe House. I bet. The royal wedding.

I bet. You know what I'm like right now? I'm like fucking, fucking what's his name? Bobby in Always Sunny. The big fat guy who fucks D It's Dead 2's brother Bill Ponderosa Bill Ponderosa

Pondy's the coolest Throwing random shit out there Bro I have the funniest fucking thing This is complete First I'm like Ponderosa right now When he decides he's going to kill himself. And they're like, well, come on, man. Life's good.

He throws out all the terrible shit. And they're like, no, but like fruit. And he goes, nah. A lot of hookers use that to fucking metastasize the taste of a dirty penis. He goes, in fact, most fruit you eat is better than orifice before. And then Dennis goes, this man just made fruit depressing. Bondi's a great bit character, by the way. Unbelievable.

But anyway, that brings me to this. I was going to save this for next show, but we're just throwing this whole bag out. I've been offered to have a Nielsen box in my apartment. And first of all, you get paid for that, which I didn't know. How? I mean, not a ton. How did that happen?

You just got like a thing in your mouth? Literally, a woman named Maria knocked on my door, handed me a pamphlet, said, think about it. That sounds like a setup. I have all the paperwork. I have everything. Maybe that's fine. I'm still considering it.

But I'm considering it for the chaos I can reap. Yeah. Because... Number one show over here in Manhattan. By day one in the D-hole, But I'm considering it for the chaos I can reap. Yeah. Because. Number one show over here in Manhattan. By day one in the D-hole, 24 hours straight of Always Sunny. Never, right? Ooh. You can do it for Always Sunny.

And she said, I represent, I will represent, I forget what she was, 15 or 35,000 people. So on that day, it would be considered that 35 35 000 people watched hours literally for 24 hours straight i watched but you watch nielsen can now track like asked i asked yep they can do streaming now wow so she's like so how do you i was like we don't really do cable she's like no no we track for streaming now too and i was like if i could the gang if i just leave always sunny on your tv all you have your your Sunny TV and you have your other TV. Imagine if there was all of a sudden Sunny's like- Something weird happened in Manhattan yesterday.

35,000 of them watched- It was a seismic event. They all watched Always Sunny. My TV viewing habits are so weird. I would- That Nielsen would be like- You got Mr. Nielsen like, What?

What is this? What the fuck is happening with this box? I mean, the first person- By the way- They they take it back. What a goddamn flawed system. If you ever needed proof of how stupid that system is. Jesus. All right.

So everyone in Manhattan is depressed right now, we think. 35,000 people are going to commit suicide tomorrow. First streaming a fucking TV show for 20, literally didn't fall asleep. I'd have like little naps when I'd wake up. Jesus Christ, John. It streaming a fucking TV show for 20, literally didn't fall asleep. I'd have like little naps when I'd wake up. Jesus Christ, John. It's a scary D-hole, dude. And then it'd be like, but then he'd watch a little college basketball here. Then he'd watch movies until 8 a.m.

They'd be like, what? This person. What is happening in New York? 35,000 people, maybe 15,000 people. 35,000 people. Are deeply depressed. It would all just be like, they just. 35,000 people, maybe 15,000 people. 35,000 people. Are deeply depressed. Would all just be like, they just.

35,000 me's. Imagine. That is a. Imagine. A highway. I can make that happen. That is a horror film. I can make that happen in the government's eyes. That is a horror film.

If the aliens are watching. I believe Nielsen is government stuff. If the aliens are watching, they're like, okay, the, this, you know, the human experiment has gone along like long enough. Shut it down. Fucking. By the way, I think,

um, for, for the answer to that question, um, the year 1994 was that year with all those movies, incredible amount of movies. It's like the best year of movies you've ever fucking seen in your life. It's like,

Oh, Oscar awards out the ass along with like the, I like, I think in 94, Jim Carrey dropped Dumb and Dumber, Ace Venture, and The Mask all in a calendar year. It's like crazy. And then on top, it was like Braveheart and then this and that. Link Forrest Gump was in there. Yeah, look, look, 43 movies. What are some of them?

Rattle them off. They were just like, just scroll on to the top 5, 10, whatever, because the top 40 movies are going to be like whatever. Yeah, The Lion King was in there. Shawshank. This is a weird list. I swear they're better than this. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, there's a list of movies in 1994 that is just, it's like Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump, Shawshank Redemption, Lion King, a bunch of funny comedies, a bunch of incredible Oscars. And if you're watching that, if you imagine that, if aliens were just cultivating us for entertainment purposes. Like, make us movies and make us TV shows and whatever. And then they just drop some bombs on them like that. This experiment's working out pretty fucking well right now.

It's pretty goddamn good. All right, let's do one more. I think good things only happen privately. So I think there are very few things good that happen in the world. People only complain publicly. Yeah. It's just like, I don't know. We're still sitting here.

What would be... I don't know. Diwali? I don't know. Just see Diwali. Like the Indian Halloween? Yeah. Actually, no.

What's the paint one? Oh, I know. It's like the powder paint. I think that'd be a fun thing to see. I think every... I think they're running the bowls every year, but it's pretty cool. The tomato fight, which I was... Tomato fight. When I was in Spain think they're running the bulls every year but it's pretty cool the tomato fight

which I was tomato fight when I was in Spain we were like they were like if we find out you're even considering going to the tomato fight

I was it's not Pompero but it's something like that they're like you're going home right away why they hate it

disrespectful as a person actually maybe it was the bull fight no no no they were fucking they were like I mean look at that that's where COVID started

yeah fucking tomato fight. All right. Last voicemail. No, we did our last voicemail. Let's get into it with Nikki Glaser because we got an hour long interview with Nikki. That is. It's a wild one.

We went we went all over. At one point, I literally pulled up porn on the computer. I mean, we were telling divorce stories. We were telling porn stories. There's there's a lot in that interview. So Nikki Glaser on KC Radio brought to you by SimpliSafe. If you have a new home and you never want to worry about protecting your loved ones, protecting your belongings, making sure your home stays safe and sturdy, get SimpliSafe. It's the easiest way.

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it might have been fucking diva glazer over here i know hold on can we just make it so hold on i gotta fix myself yeah just make it so you're hot let's yeah just there you go i know i know what i'm doing i mean i don't really those arms are looking good you're in shape, huh? I'm not. I don't work out. I just have naturally kind of toned arms. It's just like, you know. Yeah, no, just natural. What are we eating? What are we eating right now?

Oatmeal with protein powder in my second bowl. Yeah, right. That's why you have the arms. You're not eating cereal like a normal person. Oatmeal. You are the fucking physical definition of tax evasion right in the fucking demons um god you're so right uh we're not started yet right no no we're started let's go no no no no hold on just give me a second hold on hold. Hold on. This is humiliating. All right.

Okay, now we'll start. Welcome to KFC Radio, Nikki Glaser. It's the start of the interview. What's going on, girl? I hear that. Not much, guys. How are you? How's St. Louis? I'm not in St. Louis right now, but I do live there, and it's great. Hold on. I'm switching over to a better microphone. Not in St. Louis right now, but I do live there. And it's great.

Hold on. I'm switching over to a better mic. Better. Can I can I record this on my end? So it sounds good. Can we just one second? You are giving me so much anxiety right now. You're just like, let's start now.

What shit? Fuck. It says I cannot record. God damn it. What happened? Oh, no, no, no, no. I fucked it up. Hold on. You guys are talking and I can't hear you.

One second. Yes. Now. There we go no, no, no. I fucked it up. Hold on. You guys are talking and I can't hear you. One second. Yes. Now. There we go. It does sound a lot better. Yeah. Okay. One second.

I am going to start an audio recording because it's just going to sound so good if I do it. Okay. Great. Okay. And now. Action. Starting the official podcast interview with Nikki Glaser. Yeah.

That does sound better. Okay. Good. So you are living in St. Louis. I, that does sound better. Um, okay, good. Uh, so you, you are living in St. Louis. Are,

did you officially in St. Louis? Did you officially like get your own place or you just live with your parents? I did. Yeah. Okay. So I was living with my parents from,

um, March until, uh, January 1st of this year. And then I realized that I couldn't, I mean, I would have kept doing it. It was great,

but I just realized it didn't, it wasn't a good look for my brand. And so not that I was shying away from like sharing that I was living with my parents, nothing to be ashamed of. They're cool. I had fun, but yeah, I had to move on. And so I convinced Andrew Collin, my best friend to move from New York City to St. Louis to live with me. That's what I want to talk about. First of all, I'm with you on living with your parents. I feel like so many people are like, I could never live with my parents. I'm like, dude, I fucking love my parents. They're awesome.

I would love to live with them all the time. When I go home, I'm like, I'm never ever going to live with my parents. It's amazing. I'm so glad you guys said that because I have really bad parenting. Yes. And people that are funny like we are in entertainment a lot of times have the worst parents.

Not to say that we don't have perfect parents. And I've already diagnosed you guys as having unhealthy relationships with your mothers and being a little bit too, you know, your relationship with them is a little concerning to any woman who would want like a part of your life. And that's probably what has held you back in romantic relationships. But that's not to also say that my relationship with my parents okay he's walking away yeah go put on some taylor swift and uh don't ever uh think about why you might have some emotion let me tell you something why you're holding being you while you're getting held back in relationship is because you just have a problem with with guys who love their moms hey hold on a second

nikki i see your dad on your instagram story quite quite a bit daddy is used over here i was about to boomerang that right back to me my my dad i he's the greatest guy ever and so when i i just i i have there's a high bar set for a man I let into my life. And like my dad loves me so much. Like no man has ever like looked at me that way. And I don't mean to say or like fucked me that way. And I know there's no one that's going that thinks of me the way my dad does in terms of like. Yes, that's why we love our moms.

It's irrational. And no fucking guy would ever come and be like, you pay way too much. You like your dad too much. Decide between me and him. That's such a dick move. But I also don't talk to my dad every day. I also don't have like this. You know, there's sometimes guys have relationships with their moms where Amy Schumer has this great joke that I will never forget.

It's probably one of my favorite jokes where she introduced. Who originally wrote it? Oh, please. Oh, please. I'm so tired of that. That girl is so freaking funny and fast. She does not steal. It's always parallel thought.

But here's the thing she she said um uh i entered did you ever meet you ever dating a guy and then you like bring him or like you meet his mom and you just get that sense that she's just like i wanted to fuck my son like i wanted to like there's that vibe and it's it's a real thing and of course that's not really what they want, but. Yeah, but you know what? You know what it is? I think it's that you bitches are like, I wish I gave birth to him so he gave all the attention to me all the time and loved me like he loves his mom. That's it. It's the same side. You just want attention.

I want to date a guy who is an orphan. Like, orphans really turn me on. Someone with no female family members that they can love more than me and like kiss on the head affectionately. Like I just remember an ex-boyfriend like kissing, kissing his sister on the head tenderly when he saw her, like just, you know, bending down and being like,

Oh, you know, like, and I was like, you're cheating on me. Like I felt so like, I just, I wanted that kind of tenderness that I'm just never going to get unless I

have his DNA. And I have so much of it inside me so I don't know what I'm doing wrong the most fucked up thing I've ever heard but also the most honest thing I've ever heard and like where I get it is Asa Akira where Asa wishes that she was a twin so she could fuck her twin and they could be in love together. I mean, that is such I mean, that's narcissism on a whole other level at its finest. But that is a beautiful statement and very honest. Yeah. I mean, every guy I'm ever attracted to kind of like reminds me of me. Like a lot of couples have the same face shape like there's that that

um instagram that's like siblings are dating it's easy for them to find people because people tend to look be attracted to people that have their same bone structure like just have the same mannerisms and and you essentially morph into the same people right if i could fuck me if i could fuck me i would i would date me i know you would kevin i know you like you you you are looking for you but the thing is i also hate you yeah you don't like you i know if i could commit suicide i would but if i could fuck me i would too yeah i know isn't that interesting that we hate ourselves yet we love ourselves? It's the same thing, yeah. Well, it's almost like it's kind of like I can make fun of my mom. You can't make fun of my mom sort of thing.

Like, you know, it's like I hate – I'm terrible and I know that. But if you were to say that about me, I'd be like, no, no, no. I'm fucking awesome. I'm great. I look good. I'm – you know. So it goes both ways. Oh, it hurts so much when someone says something – like validates something about you that you ask for, you know, the whole like do I look fat?

And then they say kind of and you're like – but even though I say I'm fat and I – you're just – you never want someone to say those things to you or just call you on I mean I've been having a lot of honest um conversations with my roommate because I've never lived with a man or with anyone who I have such who I can be so mean I can be really mean to my roommate Andrew Collin and I'm not a mean person but but sometimes he brings it out of me. I can be mean to him and I can be mean to my parents, but we like, I can be really cruel and just like not a good side of myself where I get like jealous or something. And so I try to like,

almost like bullying. What's the meanest thing you've said to Andrew Collin, which by the way, it's, I get why he did it. It's probably a great career move. And I would ride the Nikki wave as, as long as I could too. He's not riding the Nikki wave, but yes, I mean, it's probably a great career move and i would ride the nicky wave as as long as i could too writing the nicky wave but yes i mean it's benefiting him that we're best friends what do

you mean to move to st louis and live with me yeah and start a podcast with me i mean he's a he's getting paid to be on a podcast that i wanted someone in person to be able to do with me to start it's on iheart radio it's called the nicky glazer podcast it's monday through to start it's on iHeartRadio it's called the Nikki Glaser podcast it's Monday through Thursday it's a daily podcast and so I first I first was like I think that we were talking about he was talking to some girl in Atlanta this was when he was in New York I was in St. Louis and he was like chatting with some girl in Atlanta who slid into his DMs and he was like I go why don't you explore that he's like I'm not gonna move to Atlanta and I go yeah you could you live you're not doing anything in New York I mean I understand this like I gotta stay in New York like you gotta stick with New York but you could

go anywhere and I was like you could even go to St. Louis I mean it's pretty cool here and he was like okay I mean maybe I could and then I was like uh okay and I and I don't have any I don't have any friends that don't have boyfriends that they're living with or married and so and I want a roommate I don't want to live alone I was living alone in New York but that's when I was doing shit every night right and out and I was only there to sleep I don't like being alone and so I want I knew if I moved out of my parents house and got a place in St. Louis I wanted to not live alone even though I'm 36 and I have enough money to live on my own this isn't like me being like oh I want to split the rent with someone I mean I'm paying most of it and uh it

was more about like I just don't want to be I want to watch tv with someone I learned during the pandemic I don't I don't watch tv unless I have someone I'm kind of with you I get I the phone distracts me I start doing work I like yeah I have to rewind a million times and then I'm like wait a minute it's time for bed I didn't even watch anything yeah i'm with you on that i can't i am i'm glad that because i feel guilty that i can't keep up with these shows that everyone watches but if i had a partner to watch them with and like someone to comment on and make fun of it and process it i'd have a much i have a you know what it is i'm watching tv i feel rude if i'm sitting with someone watching a show and I'm always on my phone.

Yes, to be honest. Yeah, if I'm alone, if there's nobody there, I'm not being rude. I'm just on the phone the whole time. Yeah. I mean, if there's a really good show or something I'm really into, but some of the shit that's just on in the background, I don't pay attention to. I'm with you on that.

So you've got a TV partner in Colin, and you've got a punching bag that you can make fun of. Well, it's it's interesting because. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's amazing. We don't we don't have sex. People don't understand that we're platonic friends. Everyone thinks we're banging.

Everyone thinks that we're hiding that from them. I honestly I don't lie anymore. I just don't. I'm not like a I just had an epiphany. Why not? It's great. You should just keep doing it. It's just the worst.

You know what? I think girls can do that and just be like, I'm just going to be brutally honest all the time at no cost. And when I do that, I'm like a monster. It's not the Taylor Swift lyric. You called me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. Shout out to Jake Gyllenhaal, who definitely hurt her feelings

because he was like, I'm just being honest honest that's not what i'm talking about john you know what i'm saying john what i'm talking about is just not lying to not not ever lying anymore like the other day andrew asked me was telling me some information that was um that would require me to possibly lie on his behalf to someone right and? And I go, don't tell me this because if that person who I can't tell this to asks me pointedly what's going on with blah, blah, blah, I'm going to – I can't lie. I'm not going to go in. Fucking liar, liar over here. Just be an adult, Nikki.

No. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to tell on him. I'm not going to invite that kind of interaction. I'm going to avoid it so much because that's not gonna lie I'm not I'm not gonna tell on him I'm not gonna invite that kind of interaction I'm gonna avoid it so much because that's not a lie but if someone pointedly asked me I don't lie anymore so I said to Andrew I go don't make me privy to information that if someone asked me a pointed question I'm gonna I'm gonna have to lie I would just never talk to you again I'd be like I you know I can't tell Nikki anything she's gonna just tell the world I mean you've told me

so much I know and I I didn't know I thought you's going to just tell the world. I mean, you've told me so much. I know. And I didn't know. I thought you were an adult who can lie. Now I'm not going to tell you anything ever again. Well, here's the thing. No one is calling me asking me for details about your life. I hope they never do. But I've got some dirt. No, you though are very, you're very open too.

You're not a liar. I think you're very, you're very open to you're you're not a liar i think you're very you're as honest i don't know john as well but just uh kevin from our like just texts about the business and stuff like and john you seem just as honest like you guys are pretty honest i'm sure you're dirtbags and you lie when you need to but for the you're you're honest about yourselves and your emotions and what uh like i don't know and so to get back to it andrew calls me out on stuff like i can i will bully andrew sometimes or i will just be in a bad mood he'll be irritating me because he's in a good mood and i'm in a bad mood i'm just like i

don't like his like little giddiness let me pull you down to my level yes like he's writing on the show that i'm working on out here i got got him a gig writing for me for the show. And sometimes he's just like, I'm trying to train him to be a great staff writer because it's like a hard job. And the show is like a, I can't talk about the show, but it's like, you know, this is an intense writing job. And so I'm trying to train him.

And sometimes I get very like, no, that sucks. Go back to that one. Like I'm very harsh. And I do, sometimes i go a little bit meaner because i want i i i got him the job so i want people around me to know that i'm training like there's some weird thing but sometimes i'll bully him to um to feel better about myself i have to examine it and go sometimes i make you feel bad because this is the thing about andrew that i realized the other day i will be mean to him because he will do something that's really

obnoxious and loud and like funny and silly where you're like i would never do that because it makes you look so vulnerable and it could easily flop like the bit you're doing could like flop it's around people you don't really know he'll take chances and that i would never take immediately and i resent that because i want to be able to take those chances but i'm too much of a pussy so when his when those uh attempts fail and like he does bomb in front of a group of people i like to punish him for it to validate to myself that yes nikki you're right to not take those chances because look how stupid he looks and i had to look at that and go i don't want to do that to you anymore because he was like i just feel like sometimes you pile on when it's unnecessary and i go yeah it's all oh he said that oh my god if somebody said like had to really like

call me out on that i would feel so fucking bad you're a bad person glazer no i i know sometimes i can be and we we we have about we have a uh we have a meeting. I'm going to be so good in a relationship someday. I really am. Because we have a talk, like a heart-to-heart about once a month about like the, you know, the pile of resentments that we just get out. And then afterwards, we are like so good and have so much fun. And I just, it's such a healthy way to come at things. And we just tell each other how much we appreciate each other.

And we just, we just have the best friendship. And it's, do you guys believe that women and men platonically can be best friends and nothing more? I think you two, I think you two are like the, and I believe it. Like I can see why people are like, no, they have to be banging because pretty much everyone else in the world in this situation would i i feel like you two are really like the only and i also feel like i i don't know andrew your experiences but like all of the ones i've had like i wanted to have sex yes so so i think i don't know andrew as well, but like given the chance, if you just came home, you know, honey, I'm home.

And you were like, Andrew, I want to fuck. You don't think he would? Um, no, I honestly don't think he would. I actually kind of believe that. I'm not like, I just think he values our friendship too much. It would complicate things. And it's not something I've ever even like, I just don't even,

it's the way I think about like my girlfriends. Like I'm, there's times where I'm kind of gay, but no one's like, why don't you fuck on? Yeah. You guys are so close. No one's ever brought that up.

But that's a little different asking, asking you to do like same sex stuff. He is a guy who fucks girls. You're attractive. He, you ask for it. But I actually do think, again,

I think it's the vast exception to the rule. Like, I think in every situation, somebody wants to bang the other. And I do think it's possible to be adults and be like, all right, I want to have sex with her, but it's not going to happen. So we can be friends or vice versa. And it's like, hey, I know that person wants to have sex with me, but we're not going to. And we can be friends. We can be adults about it. But I think there I know that person wants to have sex with me, but we're not going to. And we can be friends. We can be adults about it. Yes.

But I think there's always somebody who wants to. I don't. I'm not saying that Andrew doesn't think that sometimes I probably look like sex. Like last night I was dressed up for the show and like my nipples were like hard in this dress. And there was like a hundred people on set. And they were like, and my wardrobe people, I go, is this too much? And they're like, I mean, it looks really hot. And I'm like, yeah, whatever.

All I'm doing is staring at men's nipples all day on the show. Like everyone, every guy's shirtless. Why can't I? This is Jennifer Aniston, like four seasons of Friends. Did anyone ever say she couldn't? So I walked out in this dress like after having just like really been like, is this too whorish? Like I don't want my like the like everyone to be talking about about my nipples but it does look way hotter than this weird like you know underwear bra that's like just makes them look like pones and so I went out there in this dress and it was that it was so embarrassing because

the whole crew like the director had to be like um can we stop down um Nikki so um so uh we're in the control room and we notice I go is this about my nipples yeah do you is that okay with you we can really see and I was like I mean and everyone and then someone on the floor was like is it about your nipple I was like yeah so I looked like I I was like there if your nipples are hard as a woman you're wearing a sexy dress I'm sorry I don't care who you are there's like guys will be like if you have nipples you're a whore you fuck a lot of guys yes yeah but i looked hot and so i'm sure andrew would be like yeah you look sexy like i could see how if you were not my best friend you're a person the silhouette of a person that i'd want to fuck

because i'm a man and you're a woman that's, like, you know, ovulating. So, yeah. But that's not. That's just. What would you do? What would you do if tomorrow Andrew Collin comes home and is like. I. I. Okay. I'm really going to put myself there.

I am in love with you. I have been the whole time. And, like, you are the one for me. I am head over heels for you will you marry me will you do me the honor of making me mr andrew glazer because you know he'd take your last name uh will you marry me i love you i'm devoted to you i want to have children with you touched by this like when i closed my eyes i was like oh my god it's i've never heard any man like even yeah right what if he gave you the nicholas spark speech that was

the words you've always wanted to hear it was just coming from andrew collins to the movie that would be uh like if we had a movie that would be the ending to it yes i would say what get the fuck up off the ground this is ridiculous i you've now ruined everything with us you cannot do this podcast anymore you have to move out you lost your job now andrew i really appreciate your honesty but like this sucks and like i i know too much like i feel like for a relationship to spot like for first for me i need to be sexually attracted someone it's not that Andrew is not a sexually attractive man because he farts on you though see like the women he he

gets yes he farts on me but that's like what a relationship becomes anyway but I don't want that for my relationship I want I want farts and stuff maybe like accidentally but I just look at him as like that'd be like my I don't want to say brother but like a cousin like and you're just like no this is weird and and i just don't see him sexually and i really don't think he does for me anymore like i think he's put it so much out of his mind that like i just i need to be like i need to want to i haven't had sex since june of 2019 i want to make that clear i haven't had a man inside me since January of 2020. Why do you do this to yourself? I feel like you've done

that before, right? Didn't you go on like a four-year drought? We've had sex since we've known each other. Yeah. I haven't. Yeah. I haven't had sex because I just don't... First of all, I'm rarely attracted to someone enough and then when I do get attracted enough, the guy's

always so goddamn disappointing that I can't ever but no listen because they don't like me enough and i know that once they have sex with me it's i'm gonna probably be attached and they're gonna probably like be like okay oh shut the fuck up you are clearly over right it's like they don't why it's happened to me so much, Kevin. So why? Because somebody's doing. And I never get horny enough for anyone because no one ever puts in the work to make me feel horny enough to want to get wet enough to want them inside me. First of all, that either means that you are, you have like.

What? I said Nikki needs to start drinking again. Yeah, that's really it. You're sober and your brain's working too well you need to either you get you clearly either have two higher standards or then if someone is interested and you do get there you do like self-sabotage or one of those corny catchphrases yeah i've done that before where it's like i like a guy and then the second he shows interest i start not liking him him. So I go, oh yeah, this was all about his unavailability. But there have been many guys that I've been like,

I am ready to have sex with this person if they just do a little bit of work. And by a little bit of work, I mean, ask me on one date. They don't even have to, it doesn't have to be a great date. It can be literally come over to my place and watch a movie. I don't need a, I don't want to go to dinner with you and like fake this whole charade. Just put in the work and show me you're interested.

Ask me about. You know what? I can't have sex with someone who isn't curious about if I have siblings or not. Just a basic question that would be like show extended interest in a woman. Like, what kind of music do you like? How do you have any siblings? Those are basic questions I would ask of like my Uber driver, let alone someone I want to fuck. Why don't you fuck your uber driver i've listen if i could get a good sight of them face forward i would but it's

always hard to tell from behind what would you um i mean housekeeping's there no thank you we're good today thank you no thank you would you uh you you should um you should fuck like a i guess it's not really like a prevalent thing for women but like a gigolo or whatever you should just like pay for your sex to just be like get that out of your system i've looked into it have you oh yeah i'm not kidding you uh you guys i am i want to have sex again i'm very sexual person i just got like my libido back at my hormones were all fucked up for a while and I wasn't even that horny. And now I am so horny.

I'm, I just, it happened about six months ago and I'm like, I need this. I tried to sleep with my ex-boyfriend again because I definitely don't want to be with him in a relationship, but he lives in St. Louis and it's just like dick I've already been with and he's really great at fucking me so I was like let's do that again he's being hesitant about that so I haven't been able to do that and

then my friend was like you there are so many fucking hot escorts and she sent me all these websites of guys but I'd have to fly them into St. Louis and put them up and the thing is I can't commit to sleeping with someone until either I've watched enough things that they've been on like they're a celebrity that I can like really watch the way they move and the way they talk not because they're a celebrity but like I can just do my research and listen to podcasts and like get to know them be like yeah I want to fuck this guy like everything I know about him is so hot so with an escort you're just getting pictures on a page and I can't if I lived in LA maybe I would do that um and I I absolutely would would consider it in the most legal of ways

to hire a guy to have sex with me. No St. Louis escorts? No. I've looked into it too. It's not good. What? What did he say? He just, we can't hear his microphone.

What did you say, Fights? I said you two should fuck. You know what? I could never. You know why? Because I love my mother. I love my mom too much. This bitch wouldn't fuck me. Oh, I am furious at this whole presentation.

Okay, here's the thing. I mean, you were just saying explicitly. I had a crush on you, Kevin. Yeah? I had a crush on you, yes. Why had? I mean, like, well, it wasn't reciproc you, yes. Why had? And you, I mean like, well, I didn't, it wasn't reciprocated so I was just like, okay, I'm leaving

this. I would have banged you, Nikki. I want more than that, Kevin. I nailed it! I totally would have banged you, Nikki. Well, I'm not ruling it out. I'm just saying I don't want to just be banged.

I like you're someone that I was like, oh, we have a good. He's funny. He's successful. He's cute. He's he seems emotionally open. He seems to know how he's fucked up. And you have kids, which is like good. I don't have to have any.

I was like, everything seems like I can have a kid in my life and not really have to love them as much as is required i'm just kidding but like i don't have to like push one out of my body this guy seems great and um yeah i just i just didn't feel it back but this is interesting because i would like to hear what your side of it is if you ever even because a lot of times guys don't know that i'm even like them or they go there's no way like i'm bad at flirting so i wonder if you even sensed that uh i i think you really fucked up no we didn't he knew he fucking knew i i know you knew kevin either you were dating someone at the time or you were just not interested which is totally fine as well no i mean i i think i it

was like we talked enough that it was like, I just don't think you would talk to somebody that there's not like some sort of interest in, in some way, you know what I mean? But it would be such a thing if we banged, you know what I mean? Okay, well, I'm just saying that it, I stepped back because I was like,

I'm just not getting, like, he's just like, does it, he's not into it. And that's fine. I mean, that's what happens to me a lot of times is that I meet a guy through my job. You scare me, Nikki Glaser. You scare me. Why? What scares you? I would like to know, and I'm not asking just for you.

I'm asking for, like, the many times this has happened to me with men that I'm like, God, we get along and he seems to think I'm really funny and cool. I look decent. What's going on here? I think it's weird, especially the way the world is right now. I think it's weird if it's like if you work together or like you're on my show and then it's like, I don't know. Are you supposed to hook up with the people that you do that with i i think that yeah yes that's like the only way i meet people like that's like all that's the point of doing this yes as you get to that's what i did

on my show i would have on people that i wanted to possibly bang i mean not all the time but if there was a guy that i was like oh he's funny and he's cute have him on my show it's such a great way to to get to know someone and kind of like have a date i guess yeah you have like fun banter where you're kind of like on and not really yourself and trying to show off and um and see if there's something there and there's no because for me i hate dates because there's always an expectation of like this guy thinks he's gonna have sex and i don't want to disappoint him because I'm not going to be ready after a first date. And so I avoid first dates,

but like radio shows, podcasts, it's a date without the expectation of sex. Yeah, you learn everything you need to learn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, well, let's bang. No, no. Will you fly me out?

Such a, I hate this. Let's bang. I'm not saying that's what I, eventually that's probably what we would do. So that's the other thing. I know that it was like, you were on like a five year drought. I was like, this is going to be such a process.

No, it's not. I'm a fucking, I'm, once I like someone and I want to have sex, I'm not like, take it slow. It hurts. I've never done this with anyone. I'm, it's not like a fucking Bridgerton episode I'm a I'm a pretty I'm pretty uh sexually open I don't know if you've seen my stuff but I don't have sex a lot because it means something to me so yeah maybe I I wouldn't have sex with you unless I trusted you which you yeah you'd

have to earn my trust oh no it's like so you'd have to earn my trust. Oh no. It's like, so you'd have to put in a little work of like actually getting to know me that, and I'm not talking about you, just guys in general. It's like, you can easily fuck me just, but maybe I would want you to stick around afterwards and do it again. I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, but I'm asking you not to get weird and emotionally abandoned me afterwards because we had sex and now you feel like, oh, now she's going to get clingy and I'm scared and maybe I will get clingy, but why wouldn't you want to be clingy with me?

What's keeping you from wanting to fuck someone literally? Glazer! Glazer! Oh, well, let you fuck other girls! I like when guys I'm dating have sex with other women and hook up with other women safely not to expose me to things. I am into that. So what is holding you back from a commit?

What are guys holding back from commitments with me? Let me tell you, first of all, it's the condom that you request. That's holding me back. That's just ridiculous. I know, for me too, I'm like, God damn it. What am I going to do with this? I mean, I'll eventually in a relationship,

but yeah, with other women, you got to wear a condom, but like- How long before a guy- No condom. How long before a guy can not use a condom with you? Well, let's do it once just to say we did it. And then the doubt. I would say, I mean, after we're like, probably like, let's do this and let's get tested.

Like, I don't want to catch anything. I mean, let's be honest. There's shit out there, you guys. And it's gross. I don't think there is, Nikki. I think it's fake you think herpes is fake not that i don't care i'm sure i'm gonna get herpes i'm i don't have right if it's almost like i feel the same way about coronavirus how do i not have

covid yet what's going on here yes i i agree with you the herpes thing i'm shocked that i don't have it and i don't judge anyone who doesn't it you know if i was dating a guy and he was like listen i have herpes i'd be like okay well i we just talked about eventually get it but let's take precaution not to let's not have sex when we have open pustules on your dick you know like let's like we said yesterday if somebody said i have herpes but like nothing right now i would probably be like i prefer to have not known that but let's go. Yeah, but you got to wear condoms. It's unfortunate. But wait, so you didn't really answer the question.

Give me like a number of times. It's not about a number. It's about like getting tested and being like, I don't have anything currently. So if I show up at the door day one, pal, clean. Yeah. All right, cool. I feel like I thought you were going you were gonna be like you have to

wear a condom for a while okay yeah i mean i don't i the condoms aren't fun for the ladies either oh they're not okay so i'm booking i'm booking a flight to st louis with no condoms kevin i like how women say that like like we had no idea like just so you know we don't like condoms either i feel okay good i'm glad that you realize that who do you think it's worse for though you definitely I mean that's gotta be you know what I think it is is it cold or warm like lukewarm

calm at the like bottom of it when you pull it off that's just the gross I think there's a sneaky fucking something special about it I think there's a reason that guys have all masturbated to decanus. We've all done it. Really?

There's just something about them where it's kind of like a je ne sais quoi. You just pop it on. It's like extra. I feel like for a guy, it just doesn't feel as good. Whereas for a girl, I could picture it almost like hurting if it's dry. It's not that it doesn't feel as good whereas for a girl i could picture it almost

like hurting if it's like dry and like like it's not that it's not doesn't feel good it's almost like this you gotta use lube you know what i i have this whole bit about in my um uh last special about like being insecure about being dry because a lot of guys like don't do enough foreplay so when you're horny like it hasn't like soaked through yet you know like you'll be like oh like feeling it and making the moaning sounds and stuff and the guy will go to finger you and you're horny, like it hasn't like soaked through yet, you know, like you'll be like, oh, like feeling it and making the moaning sounds and stuff. And the guy will go to finger you and you're like still dry. And you're like, God, that's not representative of how I feel. And like, why can't I get wet fast enough? It's like kind of like getting hard.

I'm sure sometimes you're like, yeah, as erect as you feel in your heart. And for me, I am always erected my heart in my head and in my heart. I am always erect. And sometimes I my head and in my heart. I am always erect. And sometimes I'm just like, come on. Yes. So when girls are dry, sometimes it just doesn't. It's not what we it's like being hard. It's like the same kind of anxiety.

I wish not exactly the same, but it's common. I wish this happened to more of you girls. I think more girls need to be dry like you, Nikki Glaser. I'm not always dry, but when when i get wet it's like when it finally soaks through like i got some stuff to get through you know when it's through it's like it's great but it's like i now i masturbate with lube like a lube is the greatest thing ever it makes everything so much better there's no shame in lube i fucking love it masturbate with lube yeah oh yeah what a cleanup that is now you just squirt it on the thing and then you put it in.

I don't think it's like when Mike Adriano squirts like a whole fucking bottle on it, you know? Yeah, it's just a little, like it's like serum that you put on your face at the end of the night. Like it's just, and I do do that. I lick it off. You got it. You know when he's just like blasting it like a fire hose. Yeah, I mean it's not what she's doing. Well, what about this for an option?

Okay. Okay. All right. So let's say I'm all the way in New York. I got kids. I got responsibilities. I can't make it out there. What if, though, I used a clone of Willie Kitt, made a – what's it called?

Like a mold of my dick what's it called like a mold of my dick and sent it to you honestly let's okay so we were getting I know exactly what he's talking about I thought that was one of those Puerto Rican candles like the

like your grandma dies you gotta light that yes so we did we had Bonnie uh Bonnie McFarlane on the show the other day. And it was on my bureau, like up here. The whole interview was just sitting there. He had no idea. Do you think it was a bomb? Halfway through the interview, I was like, it tilted my head.

I was like, oh, wait, we're going to bust it. I did not realize it's been sitting there the entire time. How about this? He moved apartments and that made it with him so he like intentionally brought the clone ability no i haven't used it yet i love that idea i used i'm obsessed with if i'm dating a guy i'm like obsessed with their dick and i like want the the idea of making a mold of it so i i like this idea kevin okay so let's just say this is you and i were like starting to get together and we're like having like phone sex

and all the things that happen with a long distance thing, but we can't be physical yet because of just distance and COVID and stuff. Idea of you making a mold of your penis and sending it to me is like the hottest thing ever because I will get to interact with it, get to know it like in person, see it, like know, because that's, I have a lot of dick anxiety

when I like first see a dick of a guy. You do. Because I'm like, know, because that's, I have a lot of dick anxiety when I, like, first see a dick of a guy. You do. Because I'm, like, yeah, because I'm just, like, I don't know what, I'm, like, scared I'm gonna do wrong. Like, I just, I just wanna, like, observe it. I wanna, like, study it before I have to, like, touch it with my mouth and stuff. I can see Nikki Glaser, like,

like, walking around the room at it, like. Yeah, like, I'm at an art exhibit reading the placard next to it yes oh established in 1985 okay nice no I love that idea I think that's so hot I mean I I tried to do this once we were just recalling the story it was it's probably one of the stupidest most ridiculous things i've ever done i was for just i mean first of all just the basic idea like anybody who's ever tried to clone their dick probably could say this is the stupidest silliest thing i've ever done i did it when i was

going through the divorce and still living in the same house and i was like that we were living like in separate parts of the house but i am downstairs and i'm in the bathroom and let me tell you it is a it's an involved process nikki glazer it's like you gotta mix this shit up like cement and then you gotta cut the the plastic tube to like an appropriate size and then you gotta, they recommend that you put tape over the edge like a fucking glory hole because it's gonna be sharp and then you pour the stuff in and then you gotta slide on your dick. Why were you doing

this? Well, somebody had sent it like a sponsor or whatever. Somebody sent it. Okay, so for the show. Yeah, I was doing it for the show. Yeah, yeah. No, but I really was doing it for the show and I, uh, I the problem is, so I get through most of that. Doing it with one person is impossible because you have literally like 10 seconds when the goo comes out to get your dick in. Otherwise, it starts to get hard, the shit.

So I'm like trying to keep my dick hard. I'm in the bathroom. I have my laptop on the sink. P I'm like trying to keep my dick hard. I have, I'm in the bathroom. I have my laptop on the sink. Porn's on. I'm, I'm naked. I'm mixing up the bowl. I'm like mixing and jerking and mixing and jerking.

And I'm trying to make sure my dick is hard. Cause also you have to think when you, when you're about to clone your dick forever, you want it to be like, you want it to be the best. Like, I don't want to have a three quarters. I want to be, yeah be yeah i want it to i want to hang a wet towel on that thing in this moment she's upstairs so and are you guys talking or is there steely silence every time you're in

the same room could you go up and be like babe or like hey we're like i just made this dick like we're friends now was it that this is totally no, we're friends now. Was it that? This is totally, no. Oh, my God. I'm not even there like now. She would, she would, if I went upstairs, I would probably like an axe would probably like fly at my head. So this is as bad as it gets. It is nothing short of deplorable that I decided to do this. Babe, you always bring your work home.

You work too hard. Well, in this case, I was working about semi-hard. It was not good enough. Oh, no. So I'm trying to flop it in there, and then, just like in sex, when things start going wrong, and you lose it, you're just like, it's done. It's done. You and I are

done professionally, dick. It's not normally like this. Yes, right. This doesn't ever happen. You're making excuses to it. And then, I have the clean-up, where it's just like, like just burn the whole house down, you know? And then the icing on the cake, the, the kit comes with a vibrator, like a, cause what you do is you put that inside the mold. So now it becomes like a, instead of just a dildo, your dick can be a vibrator as well.

So it's one of these like smaller. It's just kind of like a lipstick vibrator or whatever, you know? Yeah. And she found that and was like, whose fucking vibrator is this? And I had to be like, it's mine because I was cloning my dick. I hate that. This is so sad. Yeah, you did freeze.

Awful time for it to freeze. No, it looks cool. Listen, this is such, well, now I'm hearing an echo. One second. It's just such a sad story of divorce. Like this is what, like of just a relationship going wrong.

You in the bathroom, just doing this messy thing you what a piece of it rolling underneath like next to the wastebasket so you can't see it and you forget about it and she finds it and then you're in trouble even though the what you were doing was so much worse than just having a little lipstick fiber like it's all so sad it was that's a great way to put it it was was just rock bottom of sadness. It is. We're frozen again. All right, we're back.

There we go. All right. This was a sad story of divorce. Is it on purpose that you grab a snack? Maybe. She comes back. No, the Cayman Islands has the worst internet. It sucks. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, it was a horrible story. Yeah, that's really sad. It reminds me of when I, many moons ago, I was hooking up with my ex-boyfriend, the one I'm currently trying to sleep with, and I've been very vocal about the fact that I enjoy anal sex occasionally as like a freaky treat and i yeah it's just like sometimes i'm in

the mood to be uh like just to feel like a real whore and i i had heard that if you use a um what's the thing where you clean it out uh enema. Enema, yeah. Right? That you can, that it's just less to worry about because every time I would have it, I'd be like, what's going to happen here? I think I'm good, but do you really know, you know? Right.

And I was at like a family, so I was going to meet up with him after I was hanging out with my family. So I did an enema in my, in my sister's bathroom while like all the kids and family were downstairs my brother-in-law's like parents were there and I'm in the bathroom with my butt up

in the air and like you know like doggy style with my butt up in the air waiting for this enema to work its magic and I'm just like and then just and I used one it turns out you have to use many you don't just use one you have to do it like until like I bought one from Walg out you have to use many. You don't just use one. You have to do it like until you do it.

Like I bought one from Walgreens. I think they're like called fleet enemas. Really cheap. You're supposed to do like 10 until like, and not even use the saline solution. You're supposed to use water. So I really fucked it up. What I did was way worse than if I had just winged it because it just

mixed things. It just like brings it out. Like it because it just mixed things. It just like brings it out. Like it's like, Oh no. And I promise that later that night I go, babe, cause it was not great. I go, he go, I go, I honestly, this happened because I was trying to prevent this from happening. Like I did my due diligence and I just, I fucked it up.

It was like you with the thing. Like it was just messy. I wasn't prepared things like now I know what to do. think I mean I haven't had it since but um I can't wait um and I will do it the right way because I watch so much porn where girls are doing that and they don't seem worried at all that they're gonna shit everywhere I mean I'm that's what I'm thinking about the whole time maybe that's part of the the enjoyment of it is like what could happen yeah it's like we are really

we're risking it all here you guys are you into that at all is there any like a desire on your end to explore that are you asking if we're into anal sex yeah some guys aren't some guys are like no not for me for me

good job guys totally for me like when I fly out to St For me. Oh, good job, guys. Totally for me. Like when I fly to St. Louis, I'm for sure going to fuck you in the ass. Oh, my God. That I never understood. I don't get it. What do you mean? It's just another cool place to put it. It's not for you.

It's just so dirty. And it's just so like, that's what I like about it. It's just like, it's like when you finally do it as a girl, you're like, I'm like a fucking porn. It's like, I'm like such a slut. It's like, and I'm such like, I'm so not,

it's just, it takes me out of character and it makes me feel like free. And like, and there's just something about it. That's just so filthy. And you feel special. Like, Oh my God,

I'm willing to do this like whorish thing. And yeah, I just, and that's why I like it. Yeah. And it's kind of like, and you're, and on the other side, it's like, Oh, you're and on the other side it's like oh you're willing to let me it's like you must really like me yes and because it is like i don't do it with everyone like at all with everyone i've

only done it with one person anybody it's like exactly so it's not something i like like casually so it's like very special but it also feels fucking great like it's the great see that's where I think there's very varied experiencing there are girls who would be like what are you talking about it felt like I literally cried it's like okay well that's the case then it's not for you

but I also think that the people who it does hurt or they don't like it can't wrap their mind around like I come from it like I love it it's like yeah I don't know what can't wrap their mind around like i come from it like i love it it's like yeah i don't know what to tell you it's just a very different experience for people i psychologically feel great about it and it does something very good for me and then also physically it just so happens to be i i like i i love the feeling of it and i do know a lot of girls that are like in deep so much pain from from it. But like, I remember when I was a kid, like accidentally like sitting on this railing

and it cut this, like the edge of it kind of went up my butt. And I was like, like I had that, like, whoa, that felt good. And I felt so bad. I didn't know what anal sex was. I was probably like, you know, 12. And I was just like, that felt so good. I can never do that again. Like, and I'm going to go to hell for how good that felt, even though I'm, my parents are atheists. Like it just felt so wrong. And that I remember that

moment and I go, Oh, of course I was just such a, an ass whore. Even then I'm an anal whore. Yep. It's official. Well, I'm going to show you a picture here, Nikki. That's what I knew. I'm going to ask you, I'm going to ask you if you know this picture. I'm almost... I'm betting the rent that you know what this picture is. Fights, what do you think? Is it like Lemon Party? Is it Tub Girl? Is it like

one of those kind of pictures? No. I was mocked rather relentlessly yesterday for knowing the exact name of this establishment. I think... Oh, fuck yeah.

You want me to give you the sound effect? Boom. Wait, wait, wait. I've watched probably over 6,000 videos on kink.com. I can tell you all of the different devices. Can you tell me? I tell me because this is where

more money than than then maybe they deserve i don't know maybe not finalberg finalberg finalberg do you pay for kink multiple times multiple times i mean i it's 30 bucks a month it's absolutely 30 bucks a month oh yeah i watch kink.com for free but yeah you only get one minute clips or two minute clips i'm getting 59 minutes of a girl tied up, having multiple orgasms, screaming for mercy and like having a like spit all down her face because she has a ball gagging. And it's the hot and like begging to come and like then getting to come and then told she can't come. It's the fucking hottest thing.

And then afterwards, the girl's like, that was amazing. Like the girl you see her interview afterwards is what gets me going. gets me going show you a before and after to show that she survived they have her hold a newspaper of the day's day yeah proof of life i need proof they really have to with some of these are so i don't like here's what i don't like i don't like brutal gang bangs and bound gang bags or what other kind are there guys are nice why do they always have to be mean i really am mad at king.com if you're listening king.com i am one of your biggest patrons and i i love what you do the pope i'm such a fan i want to work with you someday in your weird dungeon i just don't want you to film it but here's the thing i don't have a gangbang where the guys are

like whoa you're such a good whore like we, we're so proud of you. And they like support her physically and emotionally throughout the whole thing while also telling her she's a whore. But she's a good whore, not like a dumb slut. Like, fuck you. Slapping, spitting in her face, boot on her face. Stop that shit. Oh, the boot. I'm surprised you don't like the boots. Don't make her lick up your spit off the ground and stuff like that.

I hate that stuff. Like, just fuck her in all her holes like she wants to and make her cum a lot. Jesus Christ, why do you have to, like, insult her and call her a pig and write whore on her ass cheeks? Like, that stuff makes me go, I can't watch this. I'm with you on that. I also

do not care for that. Thank you, John. Yeah. The writing on the body is bizarre. I mean, I'm down with you. I don't mind writing somewhat the body is, is bizarre. I mean, I'll, I'll, I'm down with writing somewhat like that would be kind of hot, but it's the boot on the head and where, where, where I feel from the, cause I'm always watching it as the woman I go, this is what I want to happen to me. So I'm not watching these things being like, yeah, fucking take it, bitch. I'm being like, and sometimes I want to be told, take it, bitch. But I don't want to, when I,

for me, if say like, I'm involved in like a DP situation, which is like, you know, a dream, I guess it's like a make a wish, but like, I can never picture myself doing that. It's almost like hosting the Oscars. Like I hope to someday, but like chances are, I'm not going to get to be that level of fame. But like in the DP situation, when the girl is like having both holes behind filled and also her mouth which i have a problem with but a lot of girls like sucking dick and so that doesn't bother them to be like choking wild there's so much pleasure

going on a girl can't feel that if the guy is also like like ripping at her tit or you know slapping her in the face or like pushing her head down like I want her to feel those eight dicks inside her you know what I can't do the clothes pins on like the nipples or the clamps

where they pull it or they hook it to like her head so she has to be like this and if she's like she's coming really hard so you want to go like, but you can't, it would pull your nipples off. I mean, I hate that nipple stuff.

I don't, but some people are into that. I do understand. Some people are into that. Some women are into that. So I don't want to, you know, slut shame that kink,

but those weirdo pigs, those weirdo nipple pigs, we don't want to, we don't want to shame them. My favorite is like a dp where the the girl is doesn't do anything and the two guys are holding her one is like holding her like uh like you know like you what if you jumped into a guy's arms and then the guy's behind and the girl is just doesn't have she could literally just be like a drag doll yeah and doesn't have to

do anything except but when the girl has to like bounce up and down and like back and up i'm like don't make her do cardio on top of taking so you know i feel like you can't you can't give head like when you're there's no like rhythm to it if you're getting pushed in your mouth i mean that guy's getting a dick chewed on back there and then also a penis shoved in your face it is you know 69ing is really hard to focus and that is like the ultimate so yeah I always feel for girls so back to this I know that you know

you claim to know everything right do you know the name of this building is it like the castle I would have called it like the kink.com porn castle the other day just yesterday we were recording, and I don't even remember what it was in reference to.

John just goes, yeah, that's like the San Francisco Armory. Armory. And it took me like a second. I was like, what the fuck? Oh, I know what that means. But obviously the rest of the room with these normal adjusted people were like, the fuck is the San Francisco Armory? Oh, my God.

I mean, you would not know that if i said you didn't know that right if i just said to you the san francisco armory especially have we not been having this conversation if i just said no i would not have known it offhand no it's not like uh saved in my you know google maps as my home you know unfortunately not i will soon i mean i really do want to do some of that stuff and and obviously not have it recorded because I want to have a career because unfortunately when women do porn, they're like not allowed to do anything else, even though we all fucking consume porn. Kristen Scott who is uh she now goes by Chris Scott she is now like non-binary but she has a lot of stuff on kink.com Kristen Scott is what she went under and like she did um there's a school of submission which is the best a series on kink.com ever school of submission Kristen Scott day one two three and four I mean I think day two is the best but she just they put this girl through like a slut school and so

freaking hot she's so amazing but she told I had her on my podcast because I was just so blown away by her work and wanted to just talk about what it's like in porn because she's just like she's just owns it so well and she kind of got K-I-R-S-T-E-N yeah K-R-I-S-T-E-N

Scott and I know she goes by Chris K-r-i-s-t-e-n scott and i know she goes by chris k-r-i-s now um my first my first double vag sneak peek yes that's a lot i don't think i could ever rub my dick against another guy's dick um that's the thing like from your perspective do you guys ever watch uh double penetration porn like in gang bangs like is that and do you picture yourselves in that scenario yeah yeah okay so my question when i was like 12 okay so my question is okay do you if have do you want to do that someday i i don't i would have i don't know if it's like a goal, but I would have no problem with it. And you would have no problem with your penis being just one

piece of skin inside this woman's distance away from another dick? No, I'm good. Yeah, like a taint, just a taint away. Just a taint away. I don't think it's gay or whatever it is. It's just a taint away from a dick. I feel like if my balls are slapping...

It's weird. I think that if two guys are banging a girl, it doesn't have to be them looking at each other's eyes like, man, I'm naked inside a woman with you. It's like, we're fucking this girl together. It's hot. I don't think there's anything

gay about it, but I do know that some guys are a little apprehensive to do that. I don't think there's anything gay about it, but I do know that some guys are a little apprehensive to do that. I would probably be more like, who would you want to do that with? Like a stranger? A person? Guys, let me set this up right now and then I walk away like John just did to me. This whole interview

was just we're just setting up a double penetration scene. Guys, I'm going to get on priceline and get you guys two tickets to st louis you guys might a three-star hotel they're just gonna place you in one i'm sure it'll be fine uh who would you do that with yeah who would you do it with me but uh the answer would be someone i know yeah i know someone i know yeah you say that like it's that crazy like i could see it maybe being like i. Yeah. You say that like it's that crazy. Like, I could see it

maybe being like, I don't want to have to like see that guy at work the next day. Yeah. I agree on that too. I think I would have more of a problem with like just being in the room and just being like, we're going to have sex with her than the physical proximity of our dicks. Just being like, I got to watch this guy fuck. Is he

better than me? Is he bigger than me? Oh, this all this good inferiority. Who like runs the show runs the show you know what i mean like who's calling the shots you know just take viagra yeah yeah you're right right i mean like what why are we why are we not taking viagra why is that not just available over the counter you know it really should be but it is i mean andrew gets it from like hymns or whatever or roman Roman. Go to get roman.com slash KFC. Yeah. Go to that and you can get it over the counter. And apparently it works great.

I'm watching Kristen Scott right here. She is doing, um, she's blowing both these guys at the same time, John. And she's like holding their dicks together and like rubbing their dicks together. That I can understand.

Maybe don't want to do that. There's some apprehension there. But also, in the moment, I'm good. It's a cash on the table situation. I'll take it.

We always learn so much. We go deep down the rabbit hole with Nikki Glaser. We get honest. we, you know, this doesn't make us bad people that we like these things. And, you know, these are things that some people aren't, you know, talking about consuming. And I think that a lot of people are shamed about this stuff and it's nice to get out in the open because I think this stuff is also the stuff of addiction.

I mean, like I, I feel porn addiction brewing sometimes for me where I'm like, this is changing the way I look at things. You're for sure addicted to porn. You haven't had sex with anybody in four years. That's like the number one sign where they're like, do you not, like, go out in life and experience, like, real romance because of porn? No, no.

Yeah, yeah. It's not because of that. It's not because of that. I rely on porn to get off. If you rely on porn, if you didn't have porn, you would have fucked somebody by now fact fact yes you would have no sorry kevin i wouldn't i i don't have sex unless someone i i trust someone maybe it would make me because you're getting off watching porn you would be freaking losing your mind i'm not really i like i because you have porn most of the time you what i don't even't even, I, I don't even, I don't even finish.

I'm not banging you. I'm not, I'm not banging you anymore. Why? That's so hot. Then you always keep yourself horny. Yeah. That's, that's actually the opposite of what, like I was saying, like we have to do in life is always jerk off to make sure you think clearly you just want to have like a confused

horny brain at all times. I love being horned up. It like inspires me. It makes me like when I love being horned up it like inspires me it makes me like when i when i show up at work and i'm like and especially if there's someone at work that i'm like feeling about like i just like i'm my best self i like perform better because i'm like i'm i'm trying to be impressive and i just it gives me this like zest for life when i'm horny and like excited and and i like the idea i like not come. I like that because the best part about Christmas is Christmas Eve. Christmas sucks after you open the presents. I don't like to open my presents.

I like to just like shake the box and be like, what am I about to get? And then put it away and and go to sleep with and, you know, a sloppy badge. Shake the box with a sloppy badge that's um that phrase and i think you uh what you say earlier uh uh accidental farts accidental farts i think oh yeah that that is i think you're right that's the that's the relationship at least for me i don't want to have the open door policy where you can just shit and poop and fart in front of each other but i also don't want to be the guy like i don't want to be like i can't i'm so't want to be like, I can't, I'm so like nervous. I can't do it. So I'm like trying to hold it in and one squeaks out and I know that I'm safe and it's okay.

That's the relationship I want. Accidental farts. I don't mind a guy like, I will still want to fuck a guy who farts in front of me. Like I've got, that's a manly thing to do. But for me, I don't want to be comfortable enough to be like, listen to this one, hon. Like I want it to be like that and like be embarrassed in front of my husband like i want that like kind of nervousness of like i want you to see me as like someone you want to i want you to stick your dick in that fart hole god no i'm canceled i just canceled myself i'm like what do i want to host a Tonight Show someday? What is wrong with me?

There goes the Oscars. There goes the Oscars. Well, it looks like I'll just have to shoot for that DP. This episode started with Nicky going, I'd love to host the Grammys one day or the Oscars and ended with Nicky going, I want a dick in my fart hole. Stick that dick in my fart hole. So, God, I love what love what i you know you guys always

get me to go down this road but it's because you're both you're both so comfortable down this road and but we still haven't gotten like this whole um i'm just i'm curious about you i i think you're kevin you're um deflecting the answer of why you didn't follow up with me. Right, John? Do I have to follow up with you, John? Are you going to press him for this? I was seeing somebody. Because there has to be an answer.

I was seeing somebody. That's right. Okay, that makes sense. I thought you even knew that. Yeah, no, I was seeing somebody. I don't think I knew. Like, I think I just figured it because I'm like, why wouldn't he? Like, what's going on here?

Oh, so narcissism glazer comes out not narcissism how has he not fucked me yet he's gotta be involved with somebody back and forth i i assume you'd be attracted to me i've like because i feel like the attraction is mutual like i'm rarely attracted to someone and they're like ew you're not my type you know like i don't know i just like but maybe a lot of guys like, like, you know, like dark hair. Like there's some guys that are just like into something that is not me. So it was either that or you were with someone. So I took the one that wasn't as insulting to me.

And I was like, I must be with someone. Well, it is. But yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, well, tell, tell Colin to like go out for the night. And, uh, and, and, uh, cause you're, cause you're going to go out for the night. Andrew, you're going to go out for the night one day, and Kevin's going to fly on in and bang on the blaze dog. I thought you were just joking. No, he's right here.

He just got back from his workout. Colin. Go. There he is. They're saying Colin. Yeah, I confronted him. Oh, oh god he's showing his what'd you say can he fuck feidelberg yeah we'll all go together and uh you know you don't have to leave the apartment there we go there we go john you're in a relationship though right i am yes my girlfriend's apartment twice now she's not happy with me i don't know why oh no is that why you're pacing around yeah yeah oh i'm sorry all right all right well so the

new podcast is uh the nikki laser show uh with with nikki laser podcast podcast sorry um and that's out now or out when yeah it's out now we started started this week. It's four episodes a week, a daily show. And it's just, you can jump. It's not one of those ones where it's like, you can't listen to the latest if you didn't hear yesterday. It's just, it's like a morning radio show. Just jump in whenever. And it's through iHeartRadio and Big Money Players Network,

which is Will Ferrell's podcast network. And it's called the Nikki Glaser Podcast. And people are freaking loving it. I'm having the best time. Andrew's on it. And it's just like this, guys. It's like, it's just the Nikki Glaser podcast and people are freaking loving it. I'm having the best time. Andrew's on it. And it's just like this guys. It's like, it's just like this.

Yeah. Yeah. I love doing this show. You guys are so much fun. I feel like we're good friends, even though we only hang out on air, but like I, I'm,

I jump at the chance to do your show. So thanks for having me on. We appreciate it. You're one of the best in the biz, babe. Uh, so thanks. Congrats on the new show.

Good luck. And we'll talk soon. All right guys all right that was nicky glazer um i mean you really just fucking threw me to the wolves on that one by the way yeah i i knew and i want to watch you get eaten when when we were rapping i want to fly down and watch you get eaten for real like hey hey let me just make an awkward situation where this girl is going to be like, hey, why didn't you ever call me, man? I knew also at the end of like an hour when Nikki was like, so, she said like, so, and I was like, fuck, she's going to bring it back up again. And she came right back to it.

So you were deflecting earlier. What was your, I was like, I don't know, man. I miss signals and I'm afraid to do anything with my dick in this industry right now. If you fuck someone you have on your show, I said this, and she was like, I don't think this at all, but that's because she's a chick. If I have a girl, if I have a female on the show, and I fuck her, maybe you can get away.

Like, that's a problem. If something then goes wrong, and I've had sex with one of my guests, that's a problem. And if I ever do it more than once, then it's like, you're a fucking rapist. Ah, but I think when fucking, one, Nikki's going to fuck you. Two, Nikki's way bigger than you.

You'd be like, yo, she got me. Right, right, right. Bitch has Netflix specials. I host a rundown sometimes. You can't. That's a one-way street. You can't assault that girl. She assaults fucking me three times, baby.

Man, that's funny. What a great interview, though. Anytime you, when you can seamlessly pull up your kink.com storylines and jokes, and she just takes it and runs with it, you know the getting's good. So, big thanks to Nikki Glaser. Make sure you go listen to her new show with Andrew Collin. It's both of them, very, very funny people. That's it.

When your grandma's going to die tomorrow. Thanks. I've got some missions that nobody can see. And all of these emotions Are pouring out of me I bring them to the life of you It's only like this is The soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life

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