KFC Radio - Nikki Glaser Thinks Taylor Swift is Prepared to Date a FBoy - Full Interview

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 3:23 Video Voicemails 11:46 Jackie's breakup 28:53 Nikki Glaser Interview 31:06 Nikki struggling with Anorexia growing up 35:39 Feits' spring break villain origin story 39:12 C*ke vs Adderall 47:27 Nikki's Anorexia continued 52:09 SUI thoughts 01:06:05 Self Diagnosis have gotten out of control 01:11:15 Saying "daddy" in bed 01:27:22 V*brators and male s*x toys 01:49:27 FBoy Island 01:58:31 Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Stacker2 Energy: Buy Stacker2Chew Energy Gummies and B12 Energy Shots at Dollar General, where you can find all your favorite Stacker 2 products, or go to https://Stacker2.com. BetterHelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. HelloFresh: Go to https://HelloFresh.com/50kfc and use code 50kfc for 50% off plus free shipping! Bowlero: Head on over to Bowlero.com and find a place near you. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This has to be talked about all the time. Ads. I have no one to talk to about this, by the way, because none of my girlfriends watch as much as I do. And it's, and thinks I'm a man because the ads I'm getting. I go, their algorithm sucks because they have not established who I am at all. That's actually a problem. They think I'm into hot, older women in my area, which I am at all. That's actually a problem. They think I'm into hot older women in my area,

which I am one. They think I just want friends. They know what I mean. It's girlfriends. Lonely milfs in my area. It's so funny. They're like, just go get a coffee with them. Instead of like,

do you want to get f***ed? Do you want to have good coned? It's like, do you want to have a good convo? Single ladies. I'm being targeted perfectly. Columbus, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh. We are coming to you very shortly. We just posted on social media the devil's work. It is an AI-generated artwork of me and Kevin.

Or I guess they put it in, I'm going to guess it was KFC Radio, Barstool Sports, live shows, is what the AI prompt was. Is that accurate? No, Pabst did it. Maybe a banana was put in there, because there's one where it's just the two of us

sucking off a banana, like Lady and the Dram style. It is perverted. It is one of the most perverted things I've ever seen. Since I've had to see this, you should all join and come out to see us. There are not a ton of tickets left, so that's good. But if you're in

Cincinnati on 10-18, October 18th. If you're in Columbus on 10-19, October 19th. If you're in Pittsburgh on 10-20, October 20th. We will be there. We'll be at the Taft Theater, the Newport Music Hall, and the Stage A-E. Come hang out. Come drink Pirate Water.

Let's have a good time. Let's have a good time. We'll have the best time. Always having a good time. All right, today's voicemails are brought to you by Stacker 2 Energy. Whether you are on the go like myself, like a single dad of two, trying to run back and forth to all of their events while also I get my work done and live my life.

Whether you are fights, doing whatever fucking fights does. Whether you are competing in a game show, you need your energy, you need your vitamins, you need your supplements, and that's what Stacker 2 brings you. How do they bring it to you? They bring it to you in these little energy shots right here. 10,000%. 10,000%. 100 times 100. Of your daily B12 intake.

They've also got the chew gummies, which are little pink chew gummies that give you the uh the energy and the supplements as well give you that caffeine energy throughout the day uh and that was right yeah yeah it's 100 times 100 oh yeah yeah it's pretty good you know that like uh you can just add the zeros together like there's four zeros in 100 times 100. So one with four zeros. No, I didn't know that. Yeah. That's a little trick for you. I'll use that again.

Never. Never again. It's probably the most useful thing I've ever learned. And Dom will never use it once. Second most useful thing I've ever learned is to bite back with the stack and go buy Stacker to energy chew gummies and energy b12 shots at dollar general where they have all of your favorite stacker to products or go to stacker to.com this guy calls in a lot guys what's something that you deal with that you're pretty sure it's just the universe giving you a big fu my example is anyone that knows me knows that I don't like lotion. I prefer to be

dry and flaky. I don't like to be slippery. It's just a sensation I don't like. I'm also riddled with eczema, eczema, whatever you want to call it. I got eczema on my elbows. I got eczema on my knuckles. I got eczema on my eyelids. I got eczema on my ass crack. Worst of all, I got eczema on my fingertips. To treat eczema on the fingertips, you're supposed to put your lotion on, and then you're supposed to put on cloth gloves, and then you're supposed to put on rubber gloves, and then you go to sleep it's supposed to get better no chance am i doing that i don't even check my mail i don't even go to the dentist so what's something you have to deal with that it's just the universe saying f you oh okay i got skin disease and i'm afraid of the thing that treats it yeah that sucks that sucks well, first of all, if you have this disease in so many places,

like, take the time to learn how to pronounce it. Yeah. No one in the world has ever said eczema. He said eczema, eczema. Like, imagine if I came to you and I was like, dude, I got bad news. I got canker. You'd be like what dude Dude I've got A.I.

It's metastasized dude I got canker everywhere Just say the word it's A. eczema I'd be like I hope you die I got canker in my toes I got canker in my ass crack I got canker in my toes I got canker in my ass crack I got canker in my eyelids I thought

I mean saying you'd prefer to be Scaly and dry Like blows me away like who in the world But his version Saying the other side is being slippery Like if that's what Lotion feels like to you like to me If I have dry skin and i put on

lotion i feel it like like suck it up and i like that but if you're like this i feel like i'm covered in cum like i would be like oh i'm somewhere in the middle i i don't love it i put i'm actually surprised you're not like this i can see you being like yeah i'm like i'm fucking elephant skin who cares i i put lotion on my face i don't put on my body yeah i put like face moisturizer on um but i i used to put on my body i'd feel sticky it was yeah I don't put it on my body I put like face moisturizer on But I used to put it on my body I'd feel sticky It's hard when you're a guy It's also just takes too much time

I get dressed wet You think I'm gonna fucking Take time to dry off Get re-wet The thing is You're supposed to put it on when you're wet It locks in the wet Oh really?

Yeah Maybe I'll start doing it But I had a buddy Who Had Egema And he would do The glove thing

And we'd like share a bed It was like we were on a hockey team together So when we'd travel This was back in high school and stuff They'd bunk up four to a room And so two of us would share beds and every night, him watching him

get through the day with Bennett, watching Bennett get ready for bed was such a nightmare. I don't know if the gloves had been invented yet because he would just

do a white sock. So he'd get in bed with me. Winnie the Pooh Paws. With a white sock just over his hands. I'm like, dude,

don't fucking touch me tonight. Yeah. He's put on his gape gloves. Yeah. I think my big thing was like the universe just fucking throwing me a sleepwalking fiasco that ruined my life. That ruined my life as I know it ruined it ruined it like it it affected you you got drunk once were you drunk no i went out for a few beers it was

it was like a wednesday night i i mean i had probably you know three beers i had nothing to do with it i had just been robbed grandma died i was away at school people say it's such a stress induced throughout the rest of my life every time i've uh every time i've like you know slept walked ran whatever i was stressed uh so maybe it was that but like i mean that was over half my life ago now i was 20 years ago now i was 18 what happened so for the majority of my life i have just been dealing with the ramifications of that one night fucking at least it wasn't a dui why who cares the fuck about that well people deal with that ramification too would you rather that or a dui a dui would you rather have seven surgeries on your body or a dui yeah in this line of work dui i guess in most lines of work i think right in, you're nervous about DUIs because you're like, oh, shit, I'll never

get a job. But then once you get a job. I feel like the world now, it's sort of the same thing as like sex tapes and nudes and stuff. They're like, eh. Yeah. Who doesn't have one? Hey, who among us?

Listen, everybody's got herpes. There's a sex tape and a DUI. America, baby. As for the, I think existence is a fuck you from the earth like not not and not like like in my day-to-day like i'm not like i don't want to be alive but just like every little thing i have to do every sucks text message i get every phone call I get every email I get everything outside of like

survival for you it's like I want to eat lift watch everything anything else fuck it that needs to like just like being alive

like genuinely being alive is a fuck you from the universe and like and I don't mean that in like the depressing way and stuff like that like I just mean that like all the little tasks

anything I have to do where someone like just has to check in and make sure I'm still alive. That is a fuck you from the universe. That is a nightmare for me. It is not fun. It sucks. It's funny you said anything you have to do except lift, drink, and shit like that.

Earlier this week, when we were all buddy-buddy and stuff like that, and I was talking to Will, and he was just like, he's like, you're the biggest meathead I've ever met in my life. And I was like, dude, you just said that to me? You just said that? He's like, you just don't have thoughts in your brain. And he's like, you party a lot, you work out a lot, you eat a lot. You're just – and I was like, yeah like Yeah I mean I guess We should spell it out

Check Check Check It's like you just Want to not think And lift weights And party Well I

We talked about it With our We had an interview With Nikki Glaser Coming up And you consume Yeah You consume things

You're like I'm a black hole You're the aliens In Independence Day They go from Planet to planet Just consuming Yeah

That's you But like instead of planets, it's like hour to hour. And you're either consuming the food or the booze or the TV show or even the workout. It is. It was weird. It was like Nikki was saying that shortly

after Will had said it. And I was like, oh yeah. I got a thing here. Both people kind of pinned me pretty quick. I think I don't know where I've a thing here. Both people kind of pin me pretty quick. I think – I don't know where I fall on this anymore. I've gone back and forth because of the mental health revolution. Like the first time I learned that like you have anxiety or depression or any of the shit that – I don't know if I have those things. But something is going on up there where they're like you just got like a defective one.

Like there's a wire short-circuited and like the same way that if you were born with like a fucked up foot you couldn't walk like your brain is just and then so when i heard that i was like man that sucks like there are people who just got dealt the normal brain and they don't think about any of this shit but then i was like i don't know man i think this is more nurture than just nature yeah you have a stressful life like i can think of a few things that if those things changed i don't think i would still be think like fucked up i think it's just the the outside factors you know yeah so i when i first thought of that i was like oh the universe gave me a bad brain it's like no you had a regular one that's fucked up by the you know the rest of the shit the universe threw your way i can think of other things the universe threw my way i go

brain itself is fine i go back and forth with all of it. And you can trace the back and forth to when I'm not doing good versus when I'm doing good. So I usually just shut the fuck up and carry on. Live your life. Speaking of that... Jackie's in the crosshairs. I can tell. What are you about to say?

Just speaking about this whole mental health and all that good stuff jack how you doing oh god uh i'm fine yeah why i had to go get a charger off pavs's desk today oh no jackie has two copies of how to be single and happy no No! That's not my fucking book. That's not my book, bitch. That was Alana's book. God, I can't like... Not one copy. I can't defend myself. That's not true.

Two copies of How to Be Single and Happy. In case the first one didn't work. Sitting on her desk. That's on Pav's desk, first of all. Second of all, not my books. Oh, yeah? That would be so sad and so depressing.

You just happen to have two. Is it just one? There's two. They're not. Bring them both in for the visual. How to be single and happy. Science-based strategies for keeping your sanity while looking for a soulmate. Okay.

Let me read the back on it. Between swiping through dating apps. Oh, wait. What's this one? Love yourself well. Dude, not my books. Not my books. Jackie has lost her fucking mind, folks.

Let me read the back. Between swiping through dating apps, being ghosted, and hearing well-meaning questions about why you're still single, it's easy to feel, quote, less than because you haven't found your soulmate until now. How to be single and happy will empower you to stop overanalyzing romantic encounters while getting over regrets or guilt about past relationships and help you identify

what you want and need in a partner. But this is just another dating book drawing on her extensive expertise as a clinical psychologist as well as the latest research in hundreds of patient interviews and key principles involving positive psychology. Dr. Jennifer Tate's challenges the most common myths about women and love. I was going to say, I don't want to profile here, but I mean, this is the most female book that's ever been written. No guy in the world would ever need to read a page of this. But I thought, I don't know, maybe there are some guys out there

that do this. I'll tell you what, you read that, and I mean, I'll say, I haven't said this, I'm newly single, so that did rain a little. I was like, I should probably read that. I keep that shit on my chest.

Wait, so these really aren't your books? No, they really are not my books. There's an extra one here for you. I know a guy who should read this book. Who? Not in this room. The Nate Talks. Nate Talks, this is a good book for ladies.

I know a lady who needs to read this. Her name's Eric. His name's Eric Nathan. So you're going to strap that helmet back on and get back out there in the dating scene? Not yet, but maybe. Well, first – I think I'm done with the helmet. First, you got to find out how to be single and happy. I think I'm like pretty good at – I think like my issue is I'm too happy being single.

That's not an issue. That's awesome. No, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. I don't care what you're about to say. But also, like, I will say that after having a boyfriend, or, like, somebody for, like, a while, I was always really

good at being single, and now it's, like, a lot... It's different. Well, let me just say... Is it better or worse? Being alone feels a lot lonelier when you're used to it. Oh, I strongly disagree. Well, yeah, let me just say is it better or worse being alone feels a lot lonelier when you're used to oh I strongly disagree you know well let

yeah let me let me let me let me let me push back on a few things here um one

yeah that was a cup of coffee relationship yeah I mean like you weren't you know for that long it was

yeah and that's seven months. That's pretty long. Oh, that's okay. Okay. I take that back a little bit. We were officially dating for like three months. Okay.

That's what I'm talking about. But we were like. How often were you like, you know, at each, like with each other, you know, for the majority of the week where you got used to them being there? Like ever since the, when we started like that first date, then we hung out like twice a week minimum. So like, it wasn't like, I was only talking to him.

Like I would not like when I'm like talking to somebody, like I'm like, I don't do that either. I think that's weird. Yeah. I think it's like, I just like, don't have the brain power for anybody.

I don't know. I'm struggling to just hang out with you. Yeah. People have like, exactly. But it's like, well, we're exclusive. Like the moment like, well, we're exclusive.

The moment we have sex, we're exclusive. In my mind. You can do whatever the fuck you want, but I'm not going to be spinning a couple of plates. I'm just one track minded where it's like, I don't have time for other. Yeah, dude, the night's off. I want off.

I don't want to be fucking on a date with someone else. There is a very good stage of a relationship, for me at least, and I think some people are like me. When I know, let's just say it's Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I'm going to be alone. Tuesday, Thursday, I'm going to hang with her. And I know that. It makes me cherish the time that I have alone. And it makes me excited for the time with her. And it's great.

Yeah. You know, honestly, I mean, as always, huge fucking disclaimer on this, that I'm pretty bitter and jaded and all that shit. I think living together in the way that we do it, unless you find you're down to ride, you find basically you know when people like that's my best friend to marry and it's like shut the fuck up if you can find something like that where it's like you just fuck your best friend then yes but everybody else it's like it's just like anything in life if you just do it you jam it together all the time it loses its specialness it loses its fun it loses you know it gets harder to enjoy and it's just like don't i feel like i used to be like you should live together first so you get a feel for it and i'm like now i'm like i don't think you should live together ever live

together once you have kids you have to but until then like have separate apartments or separate bedrooms or or or like make sure you have you can live together, but it's, like, there are nights where we either leave the apartment and go out or, like, there's a night where I'm watching – I'm playing video games and you leave me alone and I leave you alone. And then you have your moment. You know what I mean? Because it's just – it's, like, watching the same shit or eating the same shit or going to the same places. Eventually, you're just, like, this is just normal, whatever, you know? Also, I just read, like, a study shit or eating the same shit or going the same places eventually you're just like this is just normal whatever you know it's also i just heard like a study well i saw tiktok that was like um you if you read or if you people couples who move in together before marriage are much more likely to break up because then there's you bring in finances

when you don't need to bring in finances at that point. So if you're like – you're like, I don't really know if this is going to work out. You're like, but we live together. It's like the same thing with marriage where it's just like – but you could have gotten out earlier when you see the signs and then – You know, it's funny. Like if you go down a serious relationship road, you feel like you're trapped in a bad one and you're like, I can't't break up with them now and it's like this is always the best time to break up with them yeah right now every single second is a second you've been together longer as you go down the road maybe you propose maybe you have a kid maybe you mix finances maybe you buy a house or maybe it's just this is another minute day week month year that they are like falling in love with you or growing to need you and be codependent or whatever.

And so like if you think it's hard now, it's going to be impossible later. So just fucking do it now. And even with engagements, I feel like people get engaged and they're like, it's too late now. It's like technically that's just the beginning. You can fucking, you know, I don't know, tell the family I'm sorry and they keep the ring. You know, there's some fucked up. Buy it off. Some shit that, you know, you do have to deal with.

It's not just a breakup. Man, it's funny. When you go through the levels of breakups, you know, there's like dating like this. There's living together. There's engaged. There's married. And then there's kids together there's engaged there's married and then there's kids you know and it's like when i when i going through what i am going through with you know divorce and having to co

parent and can't really move on you have to just be together all the time when i see like a breakup like jackie's i'm like that doesn't count that's not a breakup i'm like so it's so rude and dismissive of it but i'm like, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fucking fine. This is not even a thing. She's got her books. She's got her books. She's got her books.

I brought that topic up knowing, like I brought that up in a window where you could cut it out if you wanted to. Oh, no. But I didn't realize they weren't your books. What? I didn't realize they weren't your books. Oh, you thought that they were genuinely my books?

Yeah. They're sitting on your desk. Why would I think they were your books? Yeah, I know. But do I look like somebody who reads, first of all? I thought you were going to say, do I look like somebody who needs help being single? No, do I look like someone who reads books?

But I will say, the other day, I was like, fall is really hitting this month. Oh, yeah. And I was like, is like really hitting this one and i was like why like normally i hate fall i hate halloween i hate like everything about fall and i was like i'm like loving it this year and i was like maybe it's just because like i'm a little like i'm a little sadder this year i think sad boy season speaking of sad new sad boy merch on sale I actually came up with sad boy season I was like

I get it now oh you invented sad boy season I invented sad boy season the actually I don't know I honestly don't know

if they're on sale yet they will be at some point I fucking love these sweatshirts that the internet ruined everything yes there's

I'll put the hood up you can see the hood there you're just i mean you're just not showing it to the camera at all no okay that good no isn't it isn't that your job jackie well yeah yeah i guess but it's like he wasn't turning around like he wasn't being like limber enough oh well you need to be limber like forget it what is this good i honestly i'm having we'll just cut in. No, wait. One more time.

One more time. We'll cut a picture of them. Okay. Again, you're not like turning around. Nope. Just turn a little bit more towards me. Yeah. Perfect.

Oh, wait. Sorry. I forgot to cut to it. Okay. No, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah. There we go.

Perfect. Yeah. I thought you were going to say the total opposite jackie i thought you were gonna say you're like living and thriving because i feel like while there's sadness in a breakup if you are truly starting to feel trapped and and then you have to go through the the pain or the heartache of breaking up being the person who like you know hurt somebody um well but once that's over and you're like oh wait a minute i'm free again i can go party i can go have sex i can go sleep on the couch i can go not do anything like the the friends that you know i couldn't i wasn't allowed to see

anymore like i can go fuck that girl that you said was a threat like all the things that's just like oh I have my life back and that I mean that's when things are really bad but I've also just feel like even if you have a fine relationship and it just doesn't go places the the regaining of freedom I think should always be a very positive thing but you know what I actually want, there's not any, like, it's always better to be broken up with because there's no, all the songs are for people who like break up or have gotten broken up with. And then every single song just reminds you like,

Oh, I'm the bad guy. Yeah. Yep. The only song for the breaker upper is ride of the Valkyrie. Oh, okay. The,

the, the, uh, it really is the system and the whole market is not designed to make you feel good about breaking up with someone but it's like you are going through your own

trauma should I write a sad song about it? does Taylor not have one of those? it sucks I wish you were better no i also want to say he was great and it was exactly what kevin was just talking about it was one of those things where like i just would i got to a point where i was like i don't know if i'm ready for this i don't know if there's like a full future like i was overthinking and you're super young okay then fine we'll change this uh this sucks i wish i

was different i'm just like yeah like i just got to do this but we'll figure it out yeah no you got a good start you got a good start yeah but yeah there really is no uh there's no like maybe rap yeah maybe not i don't think so i'd say no it's kind of my song no yeah you can do whatever you want sure i feel like nobody ever checks in like hey man how you doing like you crushed that person's soul the other day are you okay with that and i get why but also it's like that's not an easy thing to do and i i would so much rather be able to play the victim and play the anger card to get over somebody whereas it's like the other way around is like i just don't prefer this life with you yeah that's that sucks to have to say to somebody uh let's do one more voicemail are we done yeah let's do one more

kfc radio is sponsored by better help do you ever feel like your brain is getting in its own way like you know what you should do what's good for you what's good for you, but you just can't do it. Therapy helps you figure out what's holding you back so you can work for yourself instead of against yourself. That's a hugely important thing. You don't want to be a kamikaze pilot. You don't want to make your own path harder. Therapy can help you see the path clearer.

It can help you be a guide. It is the best way to live your best life. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. All online. It can be text. It can be voice. It can be video. It doesn't matter. It's up to you. You don't have to wait in the waiting rooms. You can just text. It can be voice. It can be video. It doesn't matter. It's up to you. Don't have to wait in the waiting rooms. You can just go to BetterHelp.com. Make your brain your

friend with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash KFC today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash KFC. It's been a minute. What's up, girl? But fun fact. Fun fact, girl. It's not particularly beneficial

to eyesight i mean healthy overall but that was actually propaganda created by the british government during world war ii um as a means of keeping it under wraps that they were developing radar technology to attack the germans when they would blitzkrieg at night so they would say oh my gosh eat all these carrots and it's going to give you good eyesight, yada, yada, yada, to hide the fact that they were like developing secret radars. So yeah, carrots. Just part of the allied propaganda machine. How does that hide their secret machine? Wait, what happened?

Sorry. Carrots don't help your eyesight. Oh, I knew that. I just learned that yesterday. The bracket coming out is things you learned as a kid that aren't true at all is everything. It was a list of 16. The only 16 things in this world I know to be true. All of them wrong.

Milk, not good for your bones. Bones, wow. It's actually bad for your bones. How I ruse to keep German pilots confused. I just don't get it. Somewhere on the journey, the message that carries a good for your eyes became disfigured into improving eyesight. During 1940, Blitzkrieg, the Luftwaffe often struck under the cover of darkness. In order to make it more difficult for the German planes to hit targets, the British government issued citywide blackouts.

The Royal Air Force were able to repel the German fighters, in part because of developing a new secret radar technology. The onboard airborne reception has the ability to pinpoint enemy bombers, but to keep that under wraps, the ministry provided another reason for success. Carrots. Oh, so they were lights. They were using the radar and able to pick everybody off.

And they were like, how the fuck are they doing this? And they're like, we've been eating carrots. And they believed it. That's pretty good. How about this? Royal Air Force Night Fighter. That's a dope like night fighter. John Cunningham, nicknamed Cat's Eyes, was the first to shoot down an enemy plane using AI.

He later racked up an impressive total of 20 kills, 19 of which were at night. The ministry sold newspapers that the reason for the success was because pirates pilots like Cunningham ate an excess of carrots. That's sick. The ruse meant to send German tacticians on a wild goose chase may or may not have fooled them as planned. I mean, it fooled the whole world. Yeah, dude. For my grandma. Imagine the furor like,

we must get the carrots! Wipe the carrots out! They're too good! That would be unreal, man. That's a great story. Whether it worked or not, that's a great tale. So we'll end on the fun fact.

That's a great one. And we'll get into our interview with Nikki Glaser. Oh, I'm raining right now. Oh, yeah? Yeah, Gary Goldman. He is the best. He is the best.

He's so fucking nice. He's so nice and so smart. Yes. And just, like, genuine. And also, like, in a world where everyone is mental health this, mental health that. And, like, you know, like, the struggle he went through. Yeah. It's like, that's fucking mental health struggle, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. That's the guy who, you know, I was ready to go in a hospital one time because I was just so depressed during COVID

and I was like, God, like no one, I don't know even what that would look like. Like, I just don't want to be here anymore.

And so I called Gary and he's like, you're not ready to go yet. Okay, good. Like an honest, like, yeah, like listen,

no judgment, but I'm just like, what is it going to look like? Cause like, you don't know, I'm just like what is it gonna look like cause like you don't know like are they gonna keep me forever yeah that that kind of stuff

scares me about like checking in anywhere yeah I'm like I need to know I can check out whenever I want yeah

like cause I was in a sight board when I was 17 and I couldn't check out really it was fucking horrifying yeah

I read an MIT asshole the other day we do a lot of those hypotheticals on here and it was like the guy was like he sent his teenage daughter away to like a Dr. Phil camp. And then she was like 17 and a half.

And it was like a six-month thing. And she turned 18 and she never came home. And they went to the police. And the police were like, we've been in contact with your daughter. And she said, I'm an adult and don't tell them where I am. And the guy was like, I don't mind an asshole for it. And I was kind of like, I think so.

Yeah. I think so. For, wait, sending your daughter, for sending it. The way, the way this story sounded,

it was like, you dumped, you dumped a problem child. Yeah. Yeah. It was not like, people don't know what to do with their problem kids. How bad were you?

I was 16, 17. I was anorexic. My mom was like, but that's not bad. That's a pro like, but like, what is, it's the same as drugs and stuff. anorexic and my mom was like, we should go to a doctor's jail. But that's not bad. But like, what is, it's the same as drugs and stuff.

But I'm saying you're not like, you're not like a criminal. You're not, like, you know what I mean? Right, right. Like, the Dr. Phil people are like, I want to like fight my mama and shit. Yeah, that's true. This is just a girl who has problems, you know? But like, no, thank you.

I was just sad and thin. That's like every girl ever, right? And we hope. That's going to be my merch. Sad, thin girl. And then so you went away and it was like one of those like camp type things? Are we on? Yeah.

Okay. So yeah, I was like 17 about to be 18 and i was like just i just figured out how to starve myself and so it just i did it really quickly and um at first ever it was like i was like pretty hot like i was like finally dropped like the weight that i'd carried all of high school since i stopped doing sports and started doing drama and like eating eight bowls of cereal every day after school watching Oprah and it came off and then all of a sudden I was like really popular

it's like because you look when you lose weight you get so much attention it really is true like everyone your world opens up but then it closed very quickly because everyone got you were big you were never that was not big but I was like probably like a size 10 back then which is a size 4 now.

You know what I mean? They fucked you guys on that. Sizing is so fucked. I have a new joke. Can I try it out? Sure. Okay, so I love fast fashion. And even though I know it's horrible and you're obviously contributing to –

What was it? What's fast fashion? Fast fashion being like it's made in China for cheap and by probably children. But you can't help it because it's like, I like the sizing of it because it makes me feel better about myself. Because usually I'm a size six and I just got this dress from Shein, which is notoriously one of those places. And I checked the tag and it's a size help me in Korean. And I think that's really, it's tiny. I'm excited about that so I

yeah so I wasn't like fat or anything but I was uncomfortable I hated my body and all those things and then I finally was like I think everyone jokes about I wish I was anorexic or I wish I could get an eating disorder especially in the late 90s early 2000s we were all saying can I please catch it

and yeah and then i just i did i i literally caught it like it just made sense to me it was easy for me to do and um but then it goes from being like you look hot i looked hot for like maybe a week and got attention and then my friends all caught on and then they got mad and then um and then they told teachers and my parents were all like kind of in denial about it because i would just pretend like oh i'm going to a meeting after school like I could never eat

dinner with my family so you just avoid it but then it got to be like I was like really scary skinny and um and that happens sorry to interrupt you but that happens just like

that's just by dysmorphia because like anyone knows like an anorexic person looks unhealthy oh thank you but like when you're that little

that skinny I read my mind I could smell it like when you're that little that skinny i read my mind i could smell it like when is he gonna offer that to me um yeah it's body dysmorphia for sure like i which we all have now yeah we i will always have but i knew i was thin it wasn't about wanting to be thin at some point like at first it was. Actually, it never was. Like the reason I stopped eating – I always wanted to be thinner for sure. But the reason it ever took hold was like I was a prude all through high school and I never kissed a boy and I didn't have a boyfriend. And like it was my senior year. I'd kiss one boy on like a truth or dare thing.

It didn't even count. You didn't kiss the senior year of high school? I know. Well, junior year I had my first kiss. But he gave me mono and he was cheating on his girlfriend on spring break with a girl in high school? I know. Well, junior year, I had my first kiss. But he gave me mono, and he was cheating on his girlfriend on spring break. With a girl in our school. Fuck yeah, though. I mean, that's like check, check, check.

And he was the hottest guy in my school, too. And four checks. Let's go. The only reason I got him was because he and his friends, like the popular boys, were on spring break in the same place that me and my kind of dorkier friends were. And they were striking out with the local girls. But they had value with us. We were like, we'll hang with you.

And so I got Larry's dream. So that happened almost the reverse of that. We went to the Bahamas, I think my senior year of high school, and not, like, on purpose, but, like, we were happy about it, that we went with another crew of girls that we were all horrifically friend-zoned in but all like yeah yeah and um and we we were like my parents like you can only go if there's chaperones we just picked like the parents who you know don't get like you drink yeah and we got to the bahamas and there was a third group of uh guys from a like a high school like two towns over and they just fucked all

of those guys and we were just like fuck they would fucking like hang out with us and do shots and party. And then it was like, time to have sex. See you losers later. Goodbye. Oh, God. Dude, I did that once in high school. We went on spring break to the Bahamas.

My junior year of high school. No, I might have been a sophomore. And went to the Bahamas. I was in love with a couple of the senior girls who came with us. And I was a sophomore. This is the way. I wasn't really drinking that much. But I was like, I love these girls. And so partied on the beach, first day there.

Drank so much I passed out. Woke up hours later just like the worst summer I've ever had in my life. Like you should have gone to the hospital. Like should have, for sure. For the rest of the trip, I would lay in a dark room, and the senior girls who I wanted to attract... Would rub aloe on you? They'd take turns coming in every two hours to put aloe on me.

Hey! Okay! Get into action, baby! Turn around! And I thought, maybe I'm going to make a little headway here while I'm getting my aloe massages. And I finally get out on the last day, and I was like, yo, where's Amanda?

And they were like, she's down on the beach with a guy whose name i don't remember he was a local guy from the bahamas who we met out and it was like we were saying like a private house i was gonna say so don't worry though she's fucking dead yeah no she was getting fucked pretty hard guys like it was like a private beach and like i walked down it was just getting fucking i saw it oh no i was like well private beach. I walked down. I saw it. Oh, no. I was like, well, back to the dark room. This happens every six months.

He tells a story. A story that breaks your heart and you can't believe he hasn't told it yet. Yes. I'm so jealous of people like this with so many stories. Bro, I and every one of them is his villain origin story. Where I'm like, of course you're like this. It all makes sense. She rubbed your body for a week.

And then you went to profess your love when you were healed. It was like a nightingale effect. And she was getting fucked by Carlos. It's like, of course. Of course you want to wet your arm. Not that it matters. But if you're listening, you better believe he was black. Not that it matters matters but it totally did

it doesn't matter at all but when you're a 15 year old white kid from fucking New England it matters that just got sunburnt because of your lack of melanin

you walk downstairs and there's an adult drug dealing black guy banging the girl you loved they met him we were on Harbor Island there were two bars there There was Vickers

Vickums And one other bar And I guess I wasn't there I guess how they met He was just selling coke outside That'll do it That'll do it every time That'll do it every time

Bro that is one of That might be one of your best Jackie You've never told that right? No That's fucking insane That you just dropped that one That's sad

And the fact that you were Like laying down For a whole spring break. We were like dead. So we went to the Bahamas. We went to Nassau first and then Harbor Island. So we were gone for one week. Harbor Island was probably a few days. My entire time in Harbor Island.

God, how many times have you just gotten so drunk that you've passed out somewhere and something's happened to you? Have you gotten drawn on? Have you gotten like – No, not that often. Really? that often really no because he doesn't he doesn't pass out oh really he just goes something about the sun maybe i've never seen i've never seen anybody consume like he consumes just okay well this maybe would was before red bull and like something keeping you up what like well it was cocaine Maybe Red Bull didn't exist, but cocaine did. Actually, one of my favorite things is when you are storytelling,

you'll be like, you'll say what time of day it was or night, morning, whatever. And you'll be like, it was on account of the cocaine. You stay on account of the cocaine. I never did cocaine. I've never done it once And so I just It's almost

I've been offended It's never been offered to me It's like People just don't think I'm cool enough for it Or like They're already like We don't like your stories

So we don't No It's never happened That feels crazy I mean I've done it before Because it was I was opening for Doug Stanhope And it was like

One of my first opening weekends ever I was in college still. And I was so scared of him because he's just seems to be like, to me, he's appeared to be like a mean comic. So I avoided him all weekend. I would just bring him on stage and then run away. And then at the end of the week,

he was like, you know, he was on stage and was like, that girl has not talked to me all week long. She doesn't come in the green room. And, and he was like, come up here.

And so he, he was really friendly to me. And then afterwards we hung out and we were in this green in his uh hotel room until the crack of dawn and they were all doing coke and i was just kind of around it and i've never seen it before but i was just like oh my god and i think they offered it to me but i was like no and then um he got a call that his car ride was there to pick him up for like a 6 a.m flight and so they're like he gets a call and he's like i gotta go i can't does anyone want to take this I don't you know and I was like I'll take it yeah like I have friends yeah yeah yeah and he he thought I meant like I'll do it like I'll I'll help do it and so

he handed me a rolled up dollar bill and I was like I'll then I have to do it I just agreed it was like it's not even my fault it was like I have to do it and so I did it and It's not even my fault. I have to do it. So I did it. And then my ADD was cured. And I went home and I wrote a paper that I needed to. And cleaned my room. It's amazing. I've taken ADD meds since.

Been prescribed them. And I feel it's the same. It's the same. I am long winded. My throat hurts at the end of the day From talking too much And I read everything And I want to consume everything And I love life

Everything's great The next day is going to be pretty tough And then I'm depleted That's why I can't do ADD meds They really help me but I get really depressed The next couple days after I don't really do either anymore I would

do in college or early 20s, whatever, after. You'd take whatever upper you could get your hands on. Oh, we only have Adderall this weekend? Fine. Can we get Coke? Alright, we'll do Coke. But do you find them different? Because I've only done Coke once. Significantly.

How do they feel different to you? It sounds normal, I'm sure to you it feels it sounds normal I'm sure but like it feels a lot more one makes your nose hurt yeah one makes me sneeze

and have nosebleeds yeah like the Adderall to me was like a lot more like it made the Adderall felt crazier

like really I would jaw like a lot harder yeah my jaw clenches I don't really jaw with coke but like

right with Adderall I'd be like, it would hurt. That is the. I just feel empty. Yeah. I just feel like the most interesting empty person. Yeah.

Like I feel, but there's a part of me that also feels like I can do anything because of ADD meds where I felt that coked up thing. I've sold TV shows. I've come up with crazy ideas that I've like sent an email and then all of a sudden it's happening. And I'm like, the next day you're like, no no I don't have the serotonin to make that happen to write that thing but things have happened because of that so it's like I I wonder I really struggle with it because I am prescribed ADD meds and for my I have like really bad depression and ADD meds

kick kick me out of it instantly, instantly. Everything is fine. I have no suicidal thoughts. I couldn't even imagine having one. And literally an hour before I can't get out of bed. And so it gets me out of it. So there's this like amazing effect of it. I don't have depression,

but then I am wired all day, taking meetings, doing zoom calls, coming up with ideas, putting things down the pipeline that I don't have the energy or really wherewithal to end up doing. And I also have extreme guilt about it. But then if you do need to for professional reasons or whatever,

you do more of it. Yes. You know what I mean? And then I took some the other day just because I had a long day and then I couldn't sleep that night. And I just have guilt about it because when I do take ADD meds, I realize I feel like I'm doping. I feel like I'm Lance Armstrong like I'm cheating because if everyone did this and every every doctor always tells me it doesn't have this effect on everyone you're

broken and that's it makes you work like a normal person that has enthusiasm for their day like and I go no no no this is next level This makes sense why John Mulaney was so prolific. It all kind of made sense to me when it came out. Not that he isn't still, but you watch some of those specials and you go, that's why it's so, I don't want to say overwritten, but written so specifically and attention to detail. The idea that that gets you back to like normal. I think that's a big pharma lie.

No, no joke. That really is. That's the kind of shit they do. Everyone I've ever met in my life who has been prescribed it or whatever is like, oh yeah, it just gets me fucking going. Like no one's like...

No one's like, oh, I just feel like a normal person now. They're like, I'm fucking zooming. Yeah. I agree. I tell my doctors this though because I feel guilty about it. I don't want to dope.

I don't want to achieve things in life because I'm cheating in any way. It really doesn't sit well with me, and so I really struggle to take it. I'm just worried about it being dangerous or some shit, but you get it. Fuck it. Who cares? I don't like it because I don't want to be good because I'm on speed. But I guess I'm on speed in terms of I need caffeine. No, but you're great on speed.

It's like Barry Bonds. You probably don't know baseball. No, I do. I watch 30 for 30s all the time. Barry Bonds, like everyone says, he was a Hall of Famer without it. He's an immortal with it. Yeah, you're right. Like not everyone could be Barry Bonds if they took what he did.

You could juice me up and I'm not into baseball. That's a really good point. Okay, I'll keep doing it. There you go. Hello, fresh. Hello, fresh is literally what keeps me alive. We talk about this all the time. Every Monday, I get my meals for the week.

If it wasn't for hello, fresh, I would be dead. No dishes, nothing. Crazy schedule can make it easy to fall back into your dinnertime recipe rut. Keep mealtime exciting. Very exciting, guys. I actually get – I have to have my meals in by Wednesday. I get very excited to sit down Wednesday afternoon and pick what I'm going to eat for the next week.

There are 40 recipes to choose from every week. So there's always something delicious to discover with hello fresh with so many in season ingredients. You'll take the freshness of fall and every bite of the hello freshest chef crafted recipes, produce produce travels from farm to your door for peak ripeness that you can taste. HelloFresh does all the shipping and meal planning for you. Ingredients arrive at your door pre-portioned and ready to cook along with picture step-by-step recipe cards.

Those are very important. So I'll be honest. People like to think I can cook because I cook HelloFresh all the time. If I lose a single recipe card, I'm out the pasture. I got no idea what to do. It is that easy. Even though fall can feel jam-packed, HelloFresh makes whipping up a home-cooked dinner actually doable with quick and easy recipes as well as 50-minute options, fit and wholesome. That's where I'm living lately.

Hall of Fames. There's all kinds of great stuff. That's less time. The less time it takes to get – sorry.'s less time the less time it takes to get sorry that's all in less time it takes to get delivery delivery takes like 40 minutes

they charge you a billion dollars HelloFresh you can get all of that on Monday cook it up faster it's way more it actually to be told that's HelloFresh

it's kind of ruined delivery for me sometimes I'll be like you know what I'm going to be a little nasty I'm going to get delivery tonight. And delivery comes and I'm so excited and it gets there an hour and a half later and it's not good. It's never as good as a HelloFresh I've made myself.

You can turn to the HelloFresh market for yummy add-ons and enjoy the season's limited time fall flavors lineup. Feast on desserts like apple cider cake, caramel sauce, apple cider cake with caramel sauce, apple cider cake with caramel sauce, or please a crowd with appetizers

like the BBQ pulled pork nachos. And don't forget the mini pumpkin cheesecake, you say. Been on a big cheesecake kick lately. It's the most delicious thing in the world. So just go to holofresh.com slash 50KFC and use code 50KFC for 50% off plus free shipping. This is – I mean you're going – just take it.

Just take a week of basically free food. If you're someone who orders all the time, just take this whole week of HelloFresh. Use it as a trial run. I promise you will not be disappointed. You said something earlier that made me think of what we had to start the conversation with and I wanted to ask it. Kevin said he's never seen someone who consumes like me no matter what it is. Same.

Like I just, I eat. Whatever. I don't think it's the same. I'm consuming all the time. No, you don't know me. I mean, I... But you're a human, right? Yeah.

This man is a bear. It's really... But how are you thin then? I exercise. He does. So you consume that too. Yeah, yes. So it's like that's another thing.

So you're counteracting the binging with the exercise binging. Yeah. So you have like – you're just spinning plates. Yeah. That's exactly what my therapist is saying. So you're just – It's exhausting. I was like, well, I'm having a good time doing it.

Yeah, okay. You are. Yeah, yeah. That's good. But the – you've used a couple of words that I'm like, yep, that's exactly where we're going. Why the anorexia and not the bulimia? Well, because I tried bulimia. Bulimia doesn't really work.

Ah, is that it? Anorexia makes you thin and it feels superior because I started anorexia. So I always thought, I'm never going to throw up. That's so lame. It doesn't really work that well. It's gross. And I was like, I felt like better then. Cause anorexics are like, I'm clean.

I don't, I don't consume, you know, like I don't even shit. Nothing's in me, you know, like I'm clean. It's like a clean, like a perfectionist kind of a disease to have. And the reason it came on, which I was saying was I, um, so I never dated anyone all of high school. And then this boy that I always had a crush on, like liked was saying was I never dated anyone all of high school. And then this boy that I always had a crush on liked me. And I found out. And I was going to hang out with him after school one day.

And we were going to watch, I don't know, Fight Club or whatever movie. Usual Suspects, actually. Which I can't, to this day, remember what was happening. Because I was sitting on a couch next to a boy. That's a movie you've got to watch. Exactly. There's twists and turns. So I was so nervous about maybe kissing this guy for the first time

that I didn't eat that day because I had nerves. And then the next day, like when I don't eat for a day, it shows up on me right away. Like my face just looks thinner. Like I look like buckle fat removal. Like someone just said something the next day like, you look great. And I was like, what didn't I do? And I'm like, oh, I'm still kind of not hungry because I'm still excited about this guy like I'll just keep doing this and then it

just I could then I was just like I can never eat again it became about like if I do it then I it was like I just couldn't it's really bizarre because I look at girls who are anorexic now and like I have those thoughts of like eat a sandwich bitch like what are you doing like you're not gonna gain any weight if you eat a whole cheeseburger like you're gonna die but you can't like you just can't like i can't describe it other than like it's like someone telling you to eat poison that's how it feels yeah when you're anorexic and someone tells you to eat something that has calories in it it's insane so yeah that and and i got into bulimia later on though which that pendulum always because then you start binging And you're like

Well I can't not eat And then you're like Well what else am I going to do I'll be exercise bulimic And fucking break my foot Because I exercise too much Oh now I can't work out Okay I'll stick my finger down my throat

And then that led to like Mouth acne like crazy And you're always constantly Cleaning toilets Like it's hell And so I was like I can't do this anymore And so then I went back to starving.

It was just – I was spinning plates. That had no food on it. I don't think people – if you don't do – that's so bizarre to a quote-unquote regular person. Like something like you drink and you party. Yes. Drugs make you feel good. Yeah. Gambling.

Gambling I think confuses some people too, but it's like the rush and you can win money and shit and something like that people just eat food and it's like I fucking can't my brain doesn't tell me to do that it's OCD, it's the same people if I don't flip on this light this many times I'm gonna die if I eat food I will die

it's that extreme and it fucking sucks so much. I was suicidal the whole time. Like, I was dying to die. I would have loved, every night I went to bed. Because imagine, like, how annoying you are when you're, like, hungry. And then you're, like, starving all the time.

And you can never, it never ends. The rest of your life, it will, because you have no plan of getting better. So it will never end. You're cold all the time. Your bones hurt so bad because you have no padding on your ass. No one's attracted to you. All your hair is falling out. You're cold.

You're hungry all the time. You're a bitch to everyone because you're hungry. So like I just wanted to die. It was hell. That sounds like really bad fun. It was awful. But I eventually went to this.

That's why I started doing stand-up comedy was like someone suggested it to me when I was still struggling with it and then I did it and I was like oh this is like the best feeling this is better than that other feeling like I got to figure out a way to live because I'm gonna die any day and I gotta do this so I went to a therapist and he was really good and um got me started on the track not to get dark but do you think if you didn't find uh yeah you'd be dead yeah yeah I was gonna kill myself because I was like I wanted to be an actress or I want to be on TV.

I want to be an entertainment in some way. And I wasn't talented at any of it. Like I was okay at acting. I was, I was okay at singing, but it was like, none of it was going to work out. And by freshman year of college,

not getting it into any theater schools or whatever, it was like, I'm not going to be a fucking mom or a teacher or whatever. No offense to anyone who is those things. It just was like, if I can't be a performer, my life is completely worthless. Now I don't believe that. Take this away from me.

I can do many things. But at that time, I just remember being like, oh, I've got to kill myself someday. That's going to be a bummer. I've got to figure out how to do that. And it wasn't like I just started starting myself to do that, but I remember being like, I've got to find a way to get a gun. I how to do that. And it wasn't like I just started starting myself to do that, but I remember being like, I got to find a way to get a gun. I was already

planning that. And then stand-up fell into my lap, literally. Very not female, right? Yeah, that's what I've been told. People are like, that's very masculine. Thank you. I wouldn't shoot. No, I'd probably shoot myself. Yeah, it's the quickest way. It's not because I'm like, I want everyone to...

Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, the belt loops would have been, they wouldn't have come around my skinny neck. Too hot to hang. And I don't, yeah, and I need the belt to keep my pants on. No, but I, yeah,

hanging, no, don't do that. Don't kill yourself that way. Because everyone, they find them and everyone's going, they're trying to get it off and you're struggling the whole time. I don't know. Please don't kill yourself. Anyone listening, ever? But if there was a super volcano that was erupting

and I knew I was going to either choke on volcanic ash or I would try to find a gun and blow my head off. If I get diagnosed with some horrible disease and I can't get assisted suicide, I will. Close the gasket on that bitch. Yeah, I mean, I'll do it in a way that people are... I'll put a sign on the door like, hey, don't come in here, it's a mess.

Don't let my mom in here. But I'm not going to be taken out in a way that I don't want to if I can help it. But I will never kill myself over depression. I don't think that would happen. How would you want to... I mean, I guess maybe you answered it. Is there a fun way't want to if I can help it. But I will never kill myself over depression. Like, I don't think that would happen. How would you want to, I mean, I guess maybe answer to it. Is there a fun way you want to die? I think, like...

Like when you jump out of a plane and it's a fall? No, nothing's fun. No, I think it's like, people are always scared of, like, their brains having one of those things where they just, like, pass out. Like, what is it called? That sounds great to me. It sounds cool. It's instant.

And then it's like, it sucks for your family, but you don't feel your family being miserable. You're gone. Yes. You blinked one day and you're gone. Honestly, I think suicide is as horrible as it is, and please don't do it. If you're thinking about it, please call that number. It's 988. I do think there's this funny point the other day.

I like to think there's someone here who was like, well, she didn't give the rest of the number. No, it's 988. That's it. It's someone here who was like, well, she didn't give the rest of the number. No, it's 988. That's it. It's like 911 now. I thought so too. I thought you were like, it's 988,

figure out the rest of the number. You can do it. And if you can't, blah. When did they switch that? They switched it because people were killing themselves.

Yeah, that song sucks because he doesn't say the number in the song. The song is just the title of the song or the number is the song. The song is just the title of the song. The number is the title. He should have done like a 1-877-CARS for kids or something.

So it's catchy. I thought that would have been so funny. 9-8-8. Yada, yada, something, something. Yada, yada, the suicide hotline number. What is it? What's the rest of the number? But someone recently, there was some article I read where it was like someone was dead and someone commented underneath it like, I hope it's not suicide.

And it's like, so you hope it was someone who didn't want to die? You hope it was someone that was in the prime of their life and had everything to live for? Like, I usually, when I read about something tragic, I'm like, I hope that person wanted to die. Not that I think that they were of the right mind and it's still sad, but if you're going to choose someone to accidentally or an accidental death or a suicide... At least they weren't screaming and begging

for their life or something. That's the way you don't want to go. One of my favorite guys, who I know nothing of except for a quote after his death, a French director who recently died. And he, I guess he's a very historic director. I'm sure we can look it up. But he went to one of those Swedish, I think it is.

Oh, yeah. Or suicide chambers or whatever. And he had killed himself. And it was, the news broke. And one day it's blah, blah, blah. It died. And everyone was like, oh, that's very sad. He was 91 or something like that.

And it was really, it was just like, yo, sad he was 91 or something like that and it was really it was just like you know 91 year old guy dies no one really assumes that's suicide yeah yeah he died

he didn't kick the bucket and then his family came out with a statement and said so and so has passed away he was not sick he was just very tired

and I was like that's a game. Dude, in Sweden? You go in a pod. Yeah, you go in a pod. I think it just sucks the air out or some shit. Yeah, there is like a chamber, like a tanning bed you can buy now that does it. But no, I saw one documentary about it.

A woman was just like, I have anxiety and it sucks. Every day of my life sucks because I have like anxiety. So I just, she was just like normal, like totally thriving, but like not because she, she had mental illness, but yet she, she did, she killed herself. And like her kids were like, please don't do this mom. And she's like, I, I, my life is hell. She was like probably 50s, 60s, but they let her do it. And because it's illegal there, which it should be legal here because I, isn't it crazy that like, if you can, you put down your dog, it's cruel to let your dog

die of natural causes when you know it's ready to go. Like, you can put down your dog because its hip kind of hurts. Or it like has, like, you know, something wrong with it, like it has a growth on its head or something and they're like, put it down because this is just cruel, but like, we just make people die of esophageal cancer. Like, we gonna wait it out not only do they make you die

they take all your money and keeping you alive for the last six months or something like that it's like it's so it's i mean i'm i think things are different when you have kids though that's that what do you mean like you gotta stick around kind of yeah that's kind of one of the reasons i don't want to have kids like I think that's sort of fine. I'll leave this party whenever I see fit. Yeah. And that's a very morbid version of it. I like how that's what you asked right away because you're a dad.

So you know like, okay, how old were the kids? Yeah. You can't just leave them hanging. But so like, you know, if I was like, if my mom, I mean, we're headed this way with my mom. She's like, fuck this. And her body is breaking down. And like I mean I don't think she would ever do this. But at this point in my life, if she was like, I can't do it, I would probably be okay.

If I was like in my 20s, I'd be like, I need my mom. Yes. So that gets a little dicey. That's like – and I really – that's the extreme end of like, I don't want to have kids because I want to be able to kill myself if I want to. But I think there needs to be more of like, I don't want to have kids because of XYZ and that's fucking fine. That's what I'm exploring like on stage now more than anything

is because I am at this age where it's like, you got to figure out if you want kids now. Like there's no more like, maybe like I got to freeze them tomorrow. Oh, but it's like, I'm 39 and a half. Like it's creepy. Like,

even if I do it now, it's like not great. So I, I made peace with like adoption would be the route I would go. If, if I do get to a point where I'm like, I need to have them. Like,

I'm totally fine with that. But, um, I don't think I'm going to have it. I just don't understand why women want that. Like, I don't, I feel so disconnected from other women because I understand why a man would want a kid. No offense. Like, I really would like to be a dad.

I think it's just, it's a ton of work. I'm not denying that. And, like, good dads put in a lot of effort. But as, like, having a kid and going through the whole thing yeah you skip the first part as a dad yeah that part yeah you uh you know you you like open to the middle of the book for sure yeah and it's just more expected of you to be really very present as a mom and um but I don't understand I just don't have the urge to do it and I don't understand why people do don't have the urge to do it. And I don't understand why people do it. I'm trying to really explore that.

Like, what's the difference between me and, like, I don't understand why people like hiking. And that's something I've had to, like, really explore. Like, I almost feel autistic about it. Like, why do you like it? Why would it be enjoyable? Look at a picture of nature. Go and smell a tree in your yard. Like, why do you need to go out and hike?

I'm far from an outdoorsman, but I ski and shit like that. When you're on top of the mountain, you're like, holy fucking shit. Amazing. This just got me. I get it now. We walked five miles through

the woods and we kind of went up a hill. It's a vista thing. see if you see like one nice view or like dude like you see like a fucking animal like they see an animal sit on the couch is you like yeah i don't know i see animals no animals are cool my parents house i said like oh he's there is it there dude if animals are involved i'll go i that's true if animals are involved i'll go yeah just like seeing them yeah that's cool do you know how many deer I have in my backyard these days

but don't aren't you still like whoa it's a deer yeah but guess what I get in my backyard yeah they're coming to you they are but the kids think

they are wild like I guess literally but it started out like this family of four well I assumed to be a family was coming around just like grazing and then a big buck

showed up with some antlers and then uh i think it's i think i i read that it's deer mating season no oh and the other day there was like an all-out turf war of like 14 deer in the yard it was like four came and four fought and then another crew and. And they were fighting, like hitting their horns together? I'm always scared they're going to poke their eyes out. I know. I was like, did anybody get hurt here? I also am like, this is cool, but also like not really.

Like if you guys are going to use my backyard as a literal battleground, this probably won't work out. I'm going to start hunting. And I'm like, so I mean, I've basically been in the city my whole life, like the suburbs, but like I'm a city boy. And I got deer and hawks and foxes. The one time there was a bunny rabbit just ripped to shreds. And I was like, that's a lot for me.

Yeah. If I see like a bug, I'm like, eee. I know. If I see a fucking, you know, like. Road kill. I'm always just like this when I drive by. Like I put my hand up. Aren't you happy that you're not driving by?

I go out of my way to hit it again. Really? No, but imagine. But that might be good because you're putting it out of its misery. That could have been a good spin on that. No, just when they're pretty flat, just to feel that actual road. That's so fucking sick. That would be so funny if you did that.

I'm just like, no, I don't know. There are people that try to hit animals when they're driving. That's crazy. There's someone listening to this podcast right now that absolutely does that, and you're fucking crazy. You're a bad person. My brother's girlfriend wants. She does it. She kills the animals.

She hit a deer, like, where my parents live, like, out in the woods in Massachusetts. And she hit a deer, and, you and it just ran in front of the car. And the cops came because she pulled over and called the cops. I don't know what the fuck to do. And the cops were like, you want it? And she was like, what? Do you want it? Technically it's her kill.

No, I don't want it. Alright, we got a list down at the station. Someone will want it. That's nice. Oh, there's dibs? I thought he was going to take it. No, it's like we got a list down at the station. Someone will want it. That's nice. Oh, there's dibs? Yeah. I thought he was going to take it. No, it's like they have a call list down at the Westport Police Station. We're just like.

Is this the best use? Yeah. And it's like you call. You get a half hour to come get it. If you don't come in a half hour, the next guy does. Dude, stories like that make me be like. Like, to me, that person, those people on that list are a different species I like those people

because they're putting it to use it's a fresh kill they're just eating it my mom would do that I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it I thought maybe you thought

they were just like stuffing it and hanging it or something like that no they're just gonna eat it no they're fucking it I was gonna say you don't know that for sure they could be

I think that but I just can't even that like to be like to be on that list honey honey we got a dead deer. We're eating good tonight. We're eating good tonight.

You know, yeah, like that to me, it's like, you know, Joe Rogan's like, fuck yeah. I'm like, ah, I'm going to get like, you know, delivery again. I'm good. I wouldn't do it myself, but I'd happily go to a cops just call. We got a dead deer time to eat party. That'd be fun as hell. I would do that too because, I mean, I don't eat meat. I'm vegan.

But like if an animal was already killed accidentally. Would you eat that? I'd be way more into eating a deer that was accidentally killed by a car than like one that was like. They accidentally put it in like a factory for a year. Yeah, it wandered in, got tied up, yeah. If you're looking for the ultimate spot for a fun night out, Bolero's got you covered.

With amazing deals like Night Strike and After Party, you'll enjoy a night of unlimited bowling for one low price. Bowling is one of the more underrated things in the world. I do not bowl very often. I bowled recently for an out-of- sketch it's it's just so much fun get the boys out i also watched the big lebowski for the first time recently unbelievable movie maybe maybe you want to get into bowling a little bit maybe a little bowling club maybe just hang out with the boys by the by the by the lanes by the alleys eat a couple shows drink a couple bros

i don't know why i said that i'm gonna drink a couple beers hang with the br, by the alleys, eat a couple of shows, drink a couple of bros. I don't know why I said that. I drink a couple of beers, hang with the bros, with the shows, whatever, dude. You know what I mean? So go to Bolero, visit Bolero near you Monday and Friday night and take advantage. Monday and Friday night and take advantage of this season's best deals on the lanes. Head on over to Bolero.com to find a place nearest to you that's bolero.com find an alley nearest to you go run the lanes i'm running the lanes um i got a question for you yeah what do you think of the and i've actually never asked this with anybody

real but i know we like to talk mental health a lot sometimes. So there's a lot of stuff I think going around now that where it's like – you talked about it before with the Instagram videos where it's like if you do this, if you do this, if you do this, guess what? You have anxiety or you have ADD or you have depression, all that stuff. And I think that's one of the sickest things on the internet. Oh, yeah. Oh, people just getting diagnosed by people who don't know what they're talking about just the facts that are like but the fact that we need that as people to feel like like everyone deserves sympathy and and like grace no matter what yeah but it feels like everyone's like they feel like now i okay now now everything makes sense like i saw one tweet in particular that put me, where I was like, this is getting out

of fucking control. Where it was like, if you wake up every day and you shower and you, like, and it's hard, congratulations. Make sure, like, because it's like, no, if your body doesn't do that without you thinking, then you're neurodivergent or you're whatever. And congratulations, because everyone else doesn't even have to think about doing that. They just shower and they just brush their, like, well, no. that without you thinking then you're neurodivergent or you're whatever and congratulations because everyone else doesn't even have to think about doing that they just shower and they just brush like well no i have to think about it it's some days it's easier than others need an identity

people need to feel special and people need to feel like it isn't their fault and i think that that's why that we need that's why mental health has so many, so much of that going on, is because otherwise you just feel weird, you just feel like an outcast. You feel like you're choosing it, and when there's a name to it, or you can name a disease, it feels like you caught it. As soon as I was able to think of anorexia as something I caught,

as opposed to I'm choosing not to eat, and it's something, my therapist, the guy that I went to, that really changed things for me, was just think of yourself as you're in the exorcist and like a thing crawled in you in the middle of the night and you just gotta ignore it it's a the voice that's saying that don't eat is not you it was i was able to get over it yeah because i just was so it was so embarrassing like i couldn't eat when it was in my family's mad at me no one's like nice to you when you have anorexia no one's's treating you like you have cancer.

Everyone's mad at you, and everyone thinks you're doing it to be hot, so they think it's a shallow thing. So I think with mental health, yeah, I think people – I need to feel – when I read things about ADD or neurodivergence, it makes me feel less shame about that thing because otherwise I'm like, ew, you're choosing it. I just don't want anything to be my fault. Nothing is your fault. I get that. I understand when you yourself have to feel like I have something or this

and that, but I think almost society as a whole, which will never change, but it's like, I don't know, that person doesn't have to have something wrong with them to be having a hard day. Just fucking let them have a hard day. I do understand the urge or the desire to uh i guess like a sign blame

like yeah like like yes those five things happen to me and so like to help me understand it you know otherwise i'm like i don't know why i'm this way or that way but if someone lays it all out and it's like it's your parents a bingo your childhood just blame that that's why I'm doing a a lot of jokes in my act about pedophiles and molestation because I want it to be more like I I'm not I hate when comedians are like I really am doing this for a different reason than just getting laughs but I really do I think I'm drawn to material that makes people feel less shame about something that happened to them. And I feel like people who are molested,

I think they should talk about it all the time. Yeah. Because we would give them a pass. If you were molested and you're a functioning person in society, if we were able to say, people can easily say, my dad used to beat us with a belt.

And people are kind of like, oh, that sucks. But it gives some context to the person you're talking to. It gives you a little empathy. But no one can be like, yeah, I'm late all the time because I was molested when I was four. Like, we would, like, grant you a little bit of a late wait, you know?

I understand the shame. I feel like people should be able to say this. But I'm also like, I would love the sympathy. Like, I'd tell you everything. You know what I mean? Like, I want the ultimate free pass. Yeah, I think that's why I've always said, like, I wish – I'm glad I wasn't Melissa, but it would be nice to have had Ben so I could point to something why I'm so weird. Sometimes you say shit that I'm like, oh.

I'm glad I wasn't, but, like, if you were out there, like, you have a reason for why you're weird. That's not your fault. And you should use it at all the time. But you do run by – then you run a weird line of, like, it's not – fault. And you should use it at all the time. You got hit by a car. It's like you were crossing a street and got hit by a driver. Then you run a weird line of like, it's not – I do get it, but you can't act out on it. You know what I mean? You should use it in really unique circumstances. Like if you're in a blow-up fight with your significant other that's been months coming.

You know I was molested. That's using it as a crutch. But like say you got pulled over speeding. That's what I'm a crutch. But, like, say you got pulled over speeding. That's what I'm saying. And the cop was like, what's going on here? He's like, I got molested. I got molested. I don't know if you've seen the sticker on my windshield.

Come on, dude. I got molested. You're like, this is my molested card. You're like, all right, I drive fast, too. And it was my dad, dude. Not an uncle. It was my dad. OK, well, then you.

You get the pass. Yeah. I think the, we were talking not too long ago about like the sex doll industry is getting so good that, you know, if you have certain proclivities that are not allowed and are very, very, very destructive to other people, you can buy some things these days that probably get you pretty close to the real, you know. I mean, I see porn sometimes. Like, I was looking at, like, I don't, I guess I don't even want to say. She's talking with her mouth closed, so I don't think she wants to say what she wants to say.

No, but I typed in daddy porn the other day. Like, it's my first time ever typing in that word, right? This bitch had me thinking she was going to be like, I watch child porn. No, but what came up was like, what looked to be, she was going to be like, I watch child porn. No, but what came up was like, what looked to be, it was adults, but they're trying to look like children. That's always been fairly legal.

Pigtails and fucking lollipops and shit. That is fucking disgusting, dude. And so hot. It's fucked, man. It's so hot. It's so fucked. That's what made me feel really shameful about just saying – I mean, I type in much more horrific things than daddy.

But I was like, this needs to be less aiming towards little girls and more like – A king. Yeah, whatever you say, master. More like master. But I want to put in master because then you get racial things going on. So I want like that dominance but that doesn't make you a little girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But I guess daddy implies that. racial things going on. So I want like that dominance, but that doesn't make you a little girl. You know what I mean? But I guess daddy implies that.

But, and I also always felt gross about daddy stuff because it's like, Ooh, am I like, do I want to fuck my dad? Like you have that thing. But I was thinking last night as I was looking at this stuff, I was like,

don't have any shame about this. You don't call your dad daddy. Yeah. This would be weird, but I've never once in my life done that. So I feel like I get a pass. You never did with your little girl? No, feel like no i don't think i think it was always dad daddy i just always felt like i think i watched annie too much it was daddy warbucks it was just like no i i just think even when little girls do it now i'm just kind of like i think it's cute but like i just never did it so i feel like okay i'm

okay that's but then i ended up coming i'm just thinking of my like my experience here that's crazy warped that's crazy warped But I will say that the idea That I was like let me make sure I'm not thinking About my dad made me think about My dad I was like god damn Why do I have to even go here

We think there's a strong chance that John was the first ever Person to be called daddy in bed Who? You? You? was the first ever person to be called daddy in bed. Who? John. You? No. He was early in the game.

No, it's been going on. Are you kidding me? That's been going on forever since the 1840s. No fucking way. You got me beat. 100%. It's in Chaucer. There are references to people saying daddy.

Okay, but like this new influx of it, you were probably on the first wave of this. It's like 2012, 2011. So someone, tell me how it went down. It was sex in a Hartford hotel room outside the XL Energy Center. I was covered in foam. It was high on Molly. You know, romance.

What did you see at the XL Energy Center? It was the Barstool Blackout. Okay, okay, okay. It was really through a techno rave drug. It was just working that vagina. I want to make sure it's good and hot for you, Nikki.

It was working that vagina. I'm surprised you didn't use the word vulva. It just sounded so clinical. Oh, her labia majora Bonus points for knowing it though bro Honestly So you were working Figuring?

No we were having sex I think she was on top And she just leaned in And she's like oh fuck yeah daddy And I was like wait What, what the fuck was that? Did you really stop or were you just kind of like? No. Don't be.

I just worked at Sex Through Genocide. Okay, so, but you just stored it away as like, that's an interesting thing. Yeah, I should bring this up Did she say it again? Oh she said it the entire time And she said it Whoa So actually

You are like You She's the pioneer You were just like the victim Yeah But that girl Was a fucking head of her time Yeah

That girl's looking at Alex Cooper's fortune Being like fuck Yeah she knew God damn it If I just told the world about this Rather than fucking that one guy It's so good

That daddy stuff And like I only Like Cause I was just I Fuck. God damn it. If I just told the world about this rather than fucking that one guy in the Harper. It's so good. That daddy stuff. And like I only like because I was just I because someone has to break the seal. You have to. You can't just ease into daddy. You can't start with dad. You can't start. You know, like you just got to go a daddy.

Do it just like that too. A daddy. A daddy. But I. Yeah. I'm very into it though. I think it's the best. I would say. Do it just like that too Add at it Yeah I'm very into it though I think it's the best I would say She's still actually

To like this day Like kind of the only person Who's ever done it I have not Every girl wants to I feel like Really Let me just say that

Every fucking girl wants to And maybe there's a couple Of you watching or listening And being like I don't And you're You're rare Because I don't know

A single girl I haven't talked to any girls Who don't. And you're rare because I don't know a single girl. I haven't talked to any girls who don't like a little bit of like, good girl. That I think. And that's daddy though. But the next step is daddy. They just can't. They're scared to go there.

That might be true. That's daddy talk, dude. Good girl is daddy. But you're also, as a guy, you can't be the one to be like, who's your daddy? No. You'd be like, what the? I feel like you got to let her break down.

No, no, no. Do not say this. Do not listen to her. I think. Do not listen to her. You are a male listening. Do not do that. I think good girl is a great way to start.

Yes. If she responds to that well, then further down the road, daddy's conversations can start to happen. I think there's still a good deal of distance between good girl and daddy. I think it's the same boat, man. I think good girl is like choking and daddy is like spitting on your face.

It's like, we can get there, but regular girls will let you choke. I don't need to be like, you know what I mean? Right. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's my analogy. My SIT analogy. I like it, actually, because it's just the next level. It's on the same continuum, though. Yes. For sure. You'll get there if you keep going.

It's like right church, wrong pew. You're almost there. Wait. Yeah. And choking is just like that is – That shit has become like – It's like – It's our base now.

It's like first base, second base, third base. It's romantic. Yeah. That was one where that was another one where that started. I was like, I'm not doing this. This is crazy. Yeah. But now it's –

And then you did it. And then it would not – It's still not something where I was like, I'm not doing this. This is crazy. Yeah. But now it's – And then you did it. And then it would not – it's still not something where I'm like, I'm going to do this. But everyone just wants me to do it. I know. That's the thing. I remember when it started to get real popular, people would be like – and by the way, like PSA guys, like you don't like really choke. You kind of like squeeze here. And both – a lot of girls and guys alike that I know were like, oh, no, I'm doing it.

Oh, really? I'm doing it choking. No, because there's enough pressure that you just need to cut off a little bit of like – like I'm doing it right now. I'm like, oh, this kind of – after a while, I'd start to be like, yuck. But you're still getting – like they were saying squeeze like here. I think that hurts. I would rather be there.

I think you just like stimulate like the – what's that when you go – like, lymphatic drainage. Like, you do, like, a little bit of that. But that's still, like, your – But, yeah. Yeah, you – but you do not throttle, but they – Throttle? On this FBoy – the FBoy Island show I did – Throttle that bitch.

They all, when they make out for the first time, instantly a neck grab. And girls love it. Love it, though. Yeah. Wait, what was it? Where was that? On FBoy Island. Like, when people are making out for the first time on, like, the. And girls love it. Love it, though, yeah. Wait, what was it? Where was it? On FBoy Island. Like, when people are making out for the first time on, like, the couches, like, in front of everyone, there's neck grabbing going on instantly.

That's the new, like, I used to brush your hair. Yes. I used to, like, maybe put my hand behind your head, and now it's just, ah. Yes, because it's some Darth Vader shit. Everyone watches porn. But I mean, everyone, right? I think, it's gotta be porn. Probably, but. I think it's got to be porn. Probably.

That's what's doing this. The proliferation of it. That one I feel like is a good one. I think so too. There's a lot of shit in porn I feel bad for girls where it's like they're going to expect that hole. They're going to expect that bodily fluid. They're going to expect – Yes.

But we can all get a little crazy with – Yeah, and I guess it's not that ubiquitous in porn important i mean there's a little bit of it going on but yeah i don't know where it did surprise me how mainstream it went where it was like yes like i remember i kind of was like hooking up through i think that phase being like in the beginning of the phase being like gotta feel it out and make sure she's down and then ended with it being like it's part of like my repertoire yes yes you have your moves and things that you do every time

I would throw good girl in there I just I can't like there's not a single person that has not you just even saying it you just get kind of like because I've kind of like thought about it a lot it's because I think women feel really bad about being, wanting to be sluts and be slutty. So when we do something slutty and you say good girl, it takes the onus off of us.

Like we did, we did the assignment. You get, you told us to, we had to do that. And we were just being a good girl. We didn't want to do our homework, but we got an A on it. So then we're not sluts. We just are obeying the laws. I get that. I think that's it for me at least.

That's why that is the – you just unlocked the power of good girl. Because I was going to say earlier, I think the burden and the onus sometimes is on the girl. If you go too hard too quick as a guy, you're like either crossing a serious line or you're like a creep and you're too aggressive and shit yeah and as a girl you don't want to do anything too slutty yep but good girl threads the needle of like you're saying that or or like implying that you like that it's nice you know like i think a lot of porn i think we've definitely all talked about this before you know because we always get to this point because it is fun to talk about this stuff and explore why we like this stuff,

but when I watch, I'm very into gang bangs, and when I watch them, they're all rough. They're all mean. There's never a lot of- There's never a gentle gang bang. No, and there should be. It's called a gang bang. There should be a good girl gang bang of like,

damn girl, good job. We like you. We're applauding you for what you're doing. Praise Bukkake. All the other guys are like yeah honestly

the hottest thing to me is when a guy is like yeah girl good good you can take it like when he's like encouraging

when there is in black and I did a black guy voice because it's generally black guys I watch gang bikes with black guys because they eat pussy first

so they're like pleasing her first to get her like warmed up they're not just like sticking their dicks in they wear eat pussy first So they're like Pleasing her first To get her like warmed up They're not just like Sticking their dicks in They wear their triblins Yeah And they're like in awe

Like the whole time They're like Damn girl Good Well yeah Because they're like They're like I can't believe

It's going all the way in They're not in awe of us I'd offer more encouragement If it was difficult The girls are also going Yeah it fits, it fits. Yeah, it fits. My dick is like wanting a congratulations

because you showered today. You don't have to. Everyone can do it. Comes back around. That's so funny. That is fucking great. That is fucking great. Yeah.

Yeah, that, I mean, it was like eating ass, choking. Oh, yeah, eating ass. Yes. And like all, that, I mean, it was, it was, like, eating ass, choking. Oh, yeah, eating ass, yes. And, like, like, all of that, all the rough shit, just went mainstream. It really did. I give a lot of credit. I know you're a big fan of kink.com. I think, the, the, the, the Armory.

Oh, yeah. We love the Armory. And I really feel like they, they did that shit. They, they, they're a big part of that. All the videos, I I mean I don't Subscribe to them anymore Because like my Credit card

Like my Subscription name Like won't work anymore Like they won't let me Like please If KingKun.com You're watching Like I can't get in

I'm on Blacked Raw I'm subscribing to that I pay I pay for Blacked Raw That's so fucking great Yes You know the weirdest About that Blacked Raw

Is that it was started By a white guy. Really? That doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me. It feels racist. Everything about it feels racist. It's like slavery and then right below it is a white guy on a black bra.

There's always a white girl that's like, I shouldn't be doing this. It's not based on good stereotypes of anything. But I also feel like at the same time they ride with it and they're like, it's a kink and it's not totally weird it's not based on good stereotypes about it of anything but I also feel like at the same time they like ride with it

and they're like it's a kink and it's weird and like everyone's getting happy and everyone's having fun and it's hot and it's ruining some

fucked up shit but like and I don't like it when it gets racial I don't like white girl black like I don't like

when they say that stuff then I start to feel like bad about it and I get away from it but yes the fact that it's happening, it's all preying on those kind of... That guy who started Black is like

a step below Leo and Django. It's a modern type. It's a weird fetish you're exploiting here, dude. Yes. Sure, the fact that they get paid is a bit of a difference. They're getting paid at their fucking hot a difference we need more of these videos I have watched every single one

you know the classic one where there's a white girl on the couch and all the black guys are around her and it's like the meme why haven't we recreated that one a million times it's the best one there is it's clipped constantly it's on the front page of any time you search gangbang it's number one

let's just make more of those. There's like four of them. Make those all the time. That's why I subscribe to Black Draw. And it's like there's not even enough. I'm like, is this? I don't understand. There needs to be more.

I don't think there's enough gangbangs out there. Your voice being labored. There's not even enough. Because there's so many rough gangbangs with James Dean, fucking holding your face and spitting in your mouth. Like, I don't want any more angry white guys. I want black guys and white guys who are excited and in awe of your athleticism and your ability to take so many dicks. And, like, that they are, yeah, like, just more respectful gang bangs. That one you referenced.

Romantic anal. Rom-anal. Rom-anal. I don't like that one. I don't think I've ever seen that one, but I've seen the picture. And she has braces, doesn't she? She's too young. That's part of the infantilizing daddy stuff we're talking about.

It feels actually older porn. Modern porn, at least the porn I see it doesn't feel like the women are trying to look childish young anymore yeah but like when I

when I broke out of the porn scene back in the day Stekkel didn't look young to me I feel bad saying that now I'm not a weirdo but like she just looked tiny to me

which is intriguing tiny is different but like but they put the pigtails in the magazines back in the day yeah we had pigtails and stuff like that

yeah yeah and I was always I remember there was a time her name escapes me but like a porn star I liked at the time put the pigtails in. When we had magazines back in the day, yeah, we had pigtails and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. And I was always, I remember there was a time whose, her name escapes me, but like a porn star I liked at the time, this was probably a little while ago,

she got braces and I was like mad at her. Yeah. Maybe she was just trying to fix her teeth. Oh, she's trying to just better herself, yeah, but like,

now I look at you like a teenage girl. And then I think she ended up keeping them almost like a defensive lineman who breaks his hand and keeps the cast on. She's like, this is my super power.

This is pretty good for business. She probably wasn't giving as many blowjobs because guys are like, I'm not sticking my dick in that. And she's like, I'll just keep these on then because my mouth is free during this game. I always thought that was kind of funny, though, that, like, if the dick is hitting the front of your teeth, like where the brackets are, you're doing something really wrong. I know. That really doesn't make sense. It never does. You're really sucking dick wrong.

Yeah, exactly. That's so true. On the sides, if you're – it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, if you try to do the thing where you stick it in your cheek. Yeah, then it could – Which I don't like that really. I don't get anything from that. But that would be a problem.

That would hurt probably, yes. But regular head if your – Invisalign is really the best to blow with. That's the plan. That's really the plan. Because it actually is, because it rounds out your teeth. So you could literally kind of bite down, and it feels like pressure, and it doesn't feel like nails. Teeth are sharp.

You're talking about biting the dick? But if you have Invisalign in, it's like you have a mouth guard in, so it softens it so you can put more pressure without biting. Are you saying with the Invisalign in? Keep it in, ladies. Okay, got it. Keep it in during the blowjob. I said this when we had Big Jay on recently. I think I might be one of the rare guys.

That likes a toothy blowjob. I don't mind it. Yeah, he's a sick fuck. It's just a deal. Here's the deal. That feels nice, doesn't it? Doesn't that feel good, Kevin? I think you probably just need more pressure.

There's some girls. All right, now try. It makes sense. It's a little scratchy scratch. You know what? There are some girls that like, you know, you fingered girls and they come from just like this. And then there are some girls that are like, I mean, you need so much. So everyone, you're probably someone who just needs a lot of pressure down there.

Do you jerk off dry? Yeah. So, yeah. So you need more. You like lot of pressure down there. Do you jerk off dry? Yeah. So, yeah. So you need more. You like friction. I like friction. You don't even like it at all. I like it.

I just don't. Because it's not rough enough for you. I'm not going to come from it. They're not chewing on it. They're not biting my dick. Imagine if someone was like. I don't come from head either because it's not enough pressure. Like, I need like, and there needs to be something.

Like, I need a whole thing. Like, if I don't have a vibrator, I cannot come. It sucks. Like, if I'm on the road and it's not charged, I'm like, I can't do anything. Did you, like, you need to take, like, a tolerance break from your vibrator? No, I mean, I took a really big break this summer from porn because i was just like it's affecting my sex life with my partner like i just i was preferring it to having actual sex and all those things it's like and it wasn't even because i'm like oh this is

better it's just like easier than having sex yeah you know it's like so why not the whole production yeah and i get to like whatever so So I took a break from it. But now being back, I still need, I can't, I've never been able to do it with my hands. Like I think, I started masturbating with a vibrator. So there's no, I don't understand what you would do. And there's not enough pressure. Like if you come from that, like nothing else is going to recreate that. I think we're getting to a place I feel like vibrators

and the guys are starting to get some love in that department. You should be. There's nothing. We've made this argument before and it's not okay. It's not fair that girls can have these toys and guys are perverts if they have some.

Because they are. You're a pervert. No, you're not. Get the fuck out of are. That's sticking to their. Guess what, guys? You're a pervert. You're a pervert. You're a pervert. No, you're not. Get the fuck out of here. Hey, it's okay to be a pervert. It would be disingenuous to say. No, you're not. I love a pocket pussy.

If a guy has a pocket pussy, I think it's funny. I think it's cool. Once again. Funny is step one, though. Funny, but funny. Yeah, yeah. You want to fuck a pointy. No, but not funny.

That's a different thing. No, I've bought them for guys I've been dating. I think it's hot. Don't listen to her. I, because. Well, these bitches are insecure then if they're judging men for that. Facts, but they are. That's my point. Yeah, so most people are insecure and judgmental.

But right now, if you whip out your fucking rubber ass or your fucking – there's that one that spins this way on the air. That's got to feel amazing though. Wouldn't you want to try it? I'm tempted on that one that spins this way. That's got to feel amazing, though. Wouldn't you want to try it? I'm tempted on that one, bro. God. Although I don't think I could come from something... I have one.

I think you're probably going to. I have one that just... I think they've kind of mastered it. I think it sounds amazing. No, but that sounds like one of those things where I'd be like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy sex toys,

because I've tried them. I've used them. They're not great. They're like... one of those things where i'd be like yeah yeah yeah yeah the guy guy sex toys i i because i i've tried them i've used them they're not great they're like if the flashlight yeah i think you made up your mind though dude but i i had one they they gave them away here uh the out and about a gay podcast here they got sex toy company sent him a bunch of basically jerk off i was out that day. They're called a blowjob machine. I don't know why, but it's like a thing you strap on your dick and it just goes up and down.

And, um, I picked it. I came, I was here at work and they were like, do you want one? I was like, sure. You were there for it.

You weren't even supposed to be in that day. Oh yeah. Sure. I'll take one. No, I went by. I had a meeting with my accountant. So I went to my accountant and I just had it in my and i was

like the whole time i didn't listen to a word she said i was just like if this bag tips over he's like my first time i was like my i was like becoming a client i was like this fucking bag falls over right now i'm so screwed but i went home ripped it out of the box and then i i got in bed got all comfy and then and then he put on, and it's a hands-free thing. So I'm like, I'm not even an active participant in my own masturbation now. But don't you have to hold it in place? No, it just fucking goes. No way.

Well, I mean, like, maybe it would help where, like, it was, you know, kind of like, you know, dicks go where they kind of fall back. But you have to hold the porn. What's up? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but then it's like I'm just watching perverted shit while a machine tugs at my dick. Wait, aren't you supposed to be imagining something? That sounds awesome.

Because- I don't like to- I don't like- When I'm- Whatever. I like to fuck myself, it seems. No, I get it, because you like to have control. Yeah, it was like-

And you know exactly what you like So you're waiting for this thing To figure out exactly Yeah What are you doing down there Figure it out That machine That thing's not choking No

That thing's not making Cool noises It's not grabbing your balls It's not grabbing your ass It would How do you make sound effects No I can't do sound effects Yeah I can't well it'd be better

than a machine going like oh yeah the sounds they make are so funny sometimes these things because i have ones that are like because i like to set it and forget it like because as a girl if you're a jerk like masturbating you have to like do this to yourself and you're just like it's tiring you guys get it you fingered like it gets after, it's, I really have empathy for you after doing it. Because I'm like, it's a lot of work. And so I get ones that, like, move on their own. And then I'll put it up and then I'll just plug it with my heel. And so that I can be, so it's just, or with my underwear, I'll, like, wrap it around so that it's snug in there.

But then the noises it makes, it really does go like. And then it's, the frequency, and it starts to sound like, I swear to God, this sounds like a bit, and I have done this on stage, but it's so true. It's been like, read more, read more, read more. Call dad, call dad. It almost tells you what you need to hear, but the sounds it makes really takes you out of it.

That's why I always do AirPods now. There's something it starts to like the the sounds it makes really takes you out of it that's why i uh yeah i always do airpods now but there's something about like listening to porn on my phone i would never do that it has even when i'm alone and there's like i would be in a no one's around i still have to have it like in my ears just for me and i they need to mic the men that is the number one thing that makes me calm is if the man is talking if the man is silent it could be the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life. No interest in it. What about – No interest. A, like, amorphous dick just floating in a black background.

Have you ever seen that? No. What? That was Tushy, right? No. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah.

I think it was. There is one, like, porn house, whatever you want to call it, you know, that I think – Porn house. It's a fucking Italian fashion, you know, that I think. Porn house. It's a fucking Italian fashion. I know of tushy.com. One of the big designer houses. I think it has to do with tushy. Which I think it's for the guys

who are just like still so insecure with their sexuality where the guys wear like scuba suits that are black. Oh yeah. And they cut a hole in their dick. Yeah, yeah. And so it's literally just like a floating dick.

Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, I don't want to see a back or a butt or arms. Oh, because they want to get fucked by the dick. Just give me the cock and balls. Right, but they don't want to associate with a man because then it's gay. But if it's like, got it. Oh, that's interesting. I still want to see a girl get fucked by a cock.

I just don't want to be attached to a man. I just need it to be a floating dick. No, I'm into that latex stuff. But it was so bad that it wasn bad that you could still see the guy. Yeah. You know, if it was like totally blends in somehow. Yeah, it was very good. But it was just like janky shit.

It was also just like Under Armour cold gear that he cut a hole in. It was like kind of ripped. It wasn't, you know, it was like torn apart. It was ridiculous. What was I just going to say about, fuck, I forget. But yeah. You just said. say about... Fuck, I forget. But yeah. You just said... The amorphous dick.

Oh, I mean, this has to be talked about all the time. Porn ads... I have no one to talk to about this, by the way, because none of my girlfriends watch porn as much as I do. And porn thinks I'm a man because the ads I'm getting... Sure. I go, their algorithm sucks because they have not established who I am at all.

That's actually a problem, though. They think I'm into hot, older women in my area, which I am one. They think I just want friends. They know what I mean. It's girlfriends. Lonely milfs in my area. It's so funny. They're like, just go get a coffee with them.

Instead of like, do you want to get fucked? It's like, do you want to have a good convo? Single ladies. I'm being targeted perfectly. No, those like, I don't understand the ones that are like, you're going to come in 10 seconds. Like, when I watch porn, do you always like want it to be fast? No.

It depends. It can, there's, i mean like i i rarely make love to myself it's usually i just wanted to like i wanted to be a little bit longer than like you're gonna come in one second like it's too short like i want to make a little maybe people are just in a rush more it's basically like it's like uh three scrolls and do you go start it quarter way through quarter way through finish finish okay but it's like yeah yeah i get i jump around too i i i had a buddy i'm so glad to talk about this because it is interesting like how do you consume it because i'm like why i'd never have needed a storyline

no no no but i don't need a storyline but i do appreciate uh like a pre-game if you will oh where the girls like an interview I could probably like just get to that yeah I had a buddy who would be girls being course today's newspaper I had a buddy who would do it for two hours there's my roommate you do it for two hours a day. He was my roommate. He'd do it for two hours a day every day he got home from work. And he would come home, be like, what's up, man? Wouldn't even break stride. Walk by the living room, go to his bedroom.

That's just an addiction. And he'd come out. He would take breaks, though. Like, he'd come out into the bike. He'd come get a beer, like, full bat. Oh, so he wouldn't have come yet. No. So he wasn't, like, doing multiple sessions.

No, no, no. He was just, he was goonin'. He was goonin'. He was goonin'. He only watched amateur milf POV blowjob porn. Amateur milf POV. Jesus. I love that that's what you eventually end up somewhere.

Yeah. It like takes you there. Like I'm at Gang Bangs and I've been there for years. And it's not going, I'm not going anywhere. The daddy thing was kind of like, maybe I'm into this thing, but you do end up somewhere. But I goon. I relate. I like it to last a really long time, because for me, it's a special time.

I'm away from home. I'm on vacation. And I enjoy it like reading a book. I like it to last a long time. And I hate when it's over too soon. I'm always just like, no, no, because and I hate when it's over too soon I'm always just like no no because now I have to like find something else to do yeah so sometimes I'll get madder at myself for coming too fast than I will when I'm with someone like oh do we have anything

planned That's so true. Come on, dude. We just did the sheets yesterday. This is fucking comfy in bed right now. Shame for coming too fast for yourself is a moment you remember. Like the feeling of like – because if I come too fast with a girl, I'm like that should be the norm. Like have you felt a pussy before? You know what I mean? It's a miracle. They should be flattered. Like, have you felt a pussy before? You know what I mean? It's a miracle. They should be flattered.

I'm always flattered. But then when I'm doing it to myself, and I'm like, I just fucked that up. I just got too reedy, and I went too... I flew too close to the sun. Yeah. Things made it come, and I fucked it up. And now I'm mad.

You ate all the bread before the meal got there. Yes. And now you're full. That is it. That is the good analogy. You just wasted it on that dumb little thing that you watched. The interview set up. You didn't even get to the main thing.

I didn't even see a hole. I didn't see a hole. Okay. Here's a trick to not cum when you're watching porn that I just came up with. And it actually works. You just force yourself to smile. It's such a weird thing. But because your brain, like smiling and laughing is the opposite of being horny. I hope nobody ever

walks in on the Nikki Glazers. I'm sitting there like... Force yourself to make a smile on your face and your brain reads it as like, we're not turned on anymore. It like just staves it off. It like pumps the brakes a little bit because I don't know what happened. I was smiling. I like laughed about something because I thought of something

and I instantly was like, oh my god, I was about to come and now I'm not. I was like that's the like release mechanism you expressing the emotion of happiness and like I enjoy this you can't laugh and come

at the same time it's like working out and you're like listening to a funny podcast and you're like oh I can't like lift weights like it makes you lose blood supply. When I was younger, I did it more than I do now. But when I started having sex and then – and I still do it a lot, but it's not as often. I have a lot of fun during sex where I'm like, I am laughing and making jokes and having a good time. Making jokes.

John's got a tight pie. She's giving him the line. Literally and figuratively. But, like, I would have sex for a long time when I was young. Yeah. Like, the opposite of, like, oh, he comes five minutes or whatever. It's like, I'd have sex for, like, a half hour when I was young, but I'd be like, I was running the set up there.

Yeah. Now it's more sex, but there's still fun mixed in. But it was that laughing might have helped me avoid the... I think you're right because it just takes you out of it for a little bit. It doesn't completely kill it, but it just like staves it off a little bit. And it was just a thing I do now, and it really does work. You know how people tell you if you're sad, just smile and your brain will think you're happy? It just makes your brain think, we're not having sex right now.

It just kind of stops it. It's just a tip. I feel bad for the- Again, don't listen to this woman, because now you're going to have a bunch of creeps. They're alone smiling at themselves. Well, I guess- Who's in harmony? Are you talking about specifically masturbating?

Well, I guess- Because if about specifically masturbating or just any because if you're fucking a girl and you're just like doggie though yeah, if she's looking at you you just have a weird

jigsaw face on I'm trying not to cum she's running through the fucking hills dude, I'm not worried about her

I'm worried about the guy who fucking monitors my camera for the NSA laptop popped up in my chest, burning a hole. I saw, I think it's the Sean Kelly show. I just stumbled upon him on Instagram.

Yeah, I just did it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, two weeks ago. I was in Vegas. He does, like, alien shit. Yeah, like, he's always talking to. Because he put out a trailer. I think it's a guy who is going to talk about the UFO files.

And it was like, you guys don't even know, like, how the technology we have. Like, you have never had a private conversation in your life. They are looking at everything. They are – I mean, it was like – and who knows? I don't know. But that's why I talk like this. People go, why do you share all this stuff? It's like, because I'm getting ahead of it.

There's nothing, things are going to come out about me, and no one's going to care. You know, like, it's all there. And so I'm not really, like, scared. But they always say, like, yeah, even if you're an open book, you still don't want the NSA, like, looking at you. I understand that. Don't slide into my DMs and explain it.

Like, I understand why we should have privacy but um but also it's something like like I I got the vibe that guy is almost laughing like if you guys like you haven't had privacy like ever oh yeah like you think putting a post-it over your little camera like guess what like the fucking satellite can you know zip through your roof and see – whatever it is. Yeah. The way he was talking, he was like a regular person in public cannot wrap their mind around the technology. It is like fucking movies and outer space and shit that like you can't even understand it. So even the people fighting for privacy, it's like you never had privacy. Right. I think he said something like in the 1950s, I might be mixing stories here, but it said something like

in the 1950s, they could zoom in and read a tag on your foot from fucking outer space. 75 years later. Or it's all just bullshit. But I tend to believe that shit more than not believe it. Oh, God. So they're watching you jerk

off and they have been. Oh, I've been well aware. I hope they are. I don't with the heel. hope they are. I hope. I don't with the heel. The heel is all there. Yeah, the heel is a good one. There's some guy at the NSA going, guys, get over here. I do do it under the covers, though.

I've never, like, just out. Like, I do cover it up just in case someone comes in or something. Really? Or maybe even because of the aliens. I'm out, and I don't have blinds so is there a little bit of like if they saw it it does it's it's it doesn't titillate your laziness like I'm not doing I'm not getting off on it yeah like but I'm I'm like I'm also not getting blinds bro if you want to buy blinds for me I feel the same way I'm not an exhibitionist but I'm like if

I'm just too lazy and I don't care if someone happens to see I don't want way. I'm not an exhibitionist, but I'm like, I'm just too lazy, and I don't care if someone happens to see. I don't want them to. But I would be really embarrassed if someone was like, ooh, that girl thinks we want to see her. You're embarrassing if you're an exhibitionist. I would want to put up a sign. That's sad. Like, you know how they had like, welcome home troops. You've got to be good and hot.

Yes. Just like, man, look, I don't care about this either. Don't get it twisted. I'm indifferent as well. If you want to have the blind store come and you can be here during the hours they can come, that's fine. I've tried. Our schedules don't line up. Would you be embarrassed if you got to a point where where someone like Took pictures and like posted you like naked

Walking around would that like humiliate you so much Or not really I'm pretty comfortable naked We've gone through those threats before You can only be threatened with that so many times before you go Okay just do it Really wait you've been threatened with someone saying you've been naked Like ex-girlfriends

Oh god What's wrong with people? That was years ago. I was in my mid-late 20s. Oh, that would scare the fuck out of you back then. It kind of did because Barstool was new and all that stuff. And then eventually I was like, look, just do it. I don't know.

Because particularly nowadays, I'd almost welcome it. Do they want money or are they like, be my boyfriend? No, it's not to embarrass me. Fuck that, dude. Not even embarrass. I guess it's like, you know, no, they want you to fucking say, you know, I forgive you or whatever. Yeah.

What do you do with you? I mean, that is such a crazy thing to threaten to do. But like, at that time, too, when it happened, it was more like I would have been the person in trouble, so to speak. Where like, people would have been like, what are you doing sending naked pictures? Like, it was that kind of time have been the person in trouble, so to speak. Yeah. People would have been like, what are you doing sending naked pictures? It was that kind of time. Yes, it's a different time.

If it happened now, I'm a fucking martyr. Everyone's like, oh, this poor guy, he's been sex-crimed and all that stuff. And now, if you want to do it for people. No, I always say it's like, it'd be the best thing to happen to me if my pictures got hacked. I will never say, like, please do it because I don't want it to happen because I would feel like it was an invasion of privacy and it would be embarrassing and, like, I wouldn't like it. But would my career benefit from it? Without question. Without question because I'm a victim, so no one is going to be like, oh, she thinks she's hot.

She's, like, cool. They would cut to something like this, this interview, and be like, she probably planned it. Which I 100% did it because I don't want it to happen. But when it does, Brad Press is good press when it comes to that kind of stuff. Oh, for sure. Are you talking about your children?

So I'll airdrop you guys some things. Post-it, clip it, please. I'll drop a contract. It is funny how much, like, even when Barstool started, I wouldn't, like, I obviously did, but I wouldn't, like, admit that I'd sent nudes before. Yeah, it's just, and now you make a living off of admitting it. It was like, it's like everyone had done it,

and everyone knew we'd done it, and we'd probably make jokes about other people doing it. Or I'd even say, oh, my buddy did this. And it happened. It was me who did it kind of deal. Yeah. And not just now. It's been years.

Is it like jerking off? Because I've heard guys are really ashamed of jerking off in high school. And then in college, you're like, I just jerked off. And then it suddenly becomes okay to talk about. There's a shame. We started joking about it in middle school. Really? Okay.

Like I learned about jerking off when I was in sixth grade because the eighth graders on the bus were like, they were like talking about it. And I was like, what is that? And they were like, go home and do this. I assumed it was a shameful thing for men. And I did it really wrong. What?

I had both my legs up. Oh, there's something like it's cute and it's kind of like you're a dog pervert why did you think that was part like someone just you just saw like a drawing or something I must have I really have no idea and then I did it

and I like shot a blank obviously so I was like all right you can only fucking come when you go to pee so I was like I was just waiting i was like chugging water waiting to have to go again went back in confused you shot a blank because you were young yeah i was like i was in sixth grade so i was probably i don't know whatever age that is so you don't produce cum no because you were wanting to jerk off before you even have come that's what the older kids were doing i was like yeah i did not know i did not know about cumming. I was probably maybe seventh grade.

Yeah. It's crazy that no one tells you this. And then you just have cum coming out of you. You have to deal with that. There was something for sure. It's like men's periods. That's like your version of it. Yeah.

There was something innate about it where I just like – I really don't even think I understood like you take your hand and you go up and down. But I just kind of started doing that. Yeah. And then it happened and I was like, oh, oh, okay. And then I just beat it senseless. But the first time are you just like, what is all this? I broke my dick.

Yeah. Oh, you were swollen? Yeah. It was like – Oh, that's so sad. That first day I ripped it. Oh my god. And I was like it was like... Oh, that's so sad. That first day, I ripped it. Oh, my God. I was like, I just figured it out.

It's like when you, as a kid, you broke a toy the first time you played with it. Yeah. Oh, no. It's done. That was scary. Are you talking about your tour or shows? FBoy Island is the big thing that comes out Monday, October 16th.

I just filmed it this summer. Last season had, or this season has Katie Thurston. This season has Katie. Yeah, so Katie Thurston, who was the Bachelorette, did not find love on that show, and so she came on our show. Right. And she's doing a little stand-up comedy. Yeah, so she's funny. She gets it.

Just nice doing a reality show with someone. First of all, the show is already known, so people audition for it knowing what they're getting into. So they, like, know they're going to be openly mocked by me. They know. The girls know that they're going to be tricked by guys that are lying to them. So it doesn't feel like we're, like, fucking anyone over because they signed up for it. You get fucked over, yeah. Yeah, and Katie.

And also, it's nice because Katie's been through the whole reality show thing. It's just nice to, she's a pro. She just, she is good at being vulnerable on camera, which is like, takes a second for other people to do. By the end, everyone's kind of on that level, but she just came in like ready to go. And people are falling in love and getting

their hearts broken and it's so compelling. Getting choked on the couch. Choked on couches and justches and are you part of the casting process no i you know no i'm not because i kind of don't want to know who's an f boy and who's a nice guy yeah so i don't find out so i show up and i don't know who's who but i imagine so you're saying how people know what they're getting into and stuff like that i imagine it's a pretty delicate dance and this is i'm sure all reality casting has to do with, like, guys who are, like, almost like it's their kink where, like, they're like, I just want to be made fun of.

Or, like, I want to be the fuckboy. Because you need to get the right fuckboy. It's insane that we find people that want to come on TV and admit that they're a piece of shit and that they're going to lie to these girls and they're just there for the money. The world needs fuckboys, too, man. The first season i remember like fuckboy you know the term i think got a little bastardized where it's like i hook up a lot okay and then there's like i want to emotionally wreck these bitches yeah it's and that was the thing there was one guy i remember when he revealed as an f-boy and had really tricked this girl and and you know like i can't be too mad at him because

that's the show like we asked you to do this and so I remember him kind of look I was kind of just like dude what the fuck you know like kind of on the girl side and I remember him looking at me like he was like this I did the show the way this is the show and I go that's true. Jigsaw over here complaining that someone chopped

off their foot. Totally and he had a good point but I said it takes a special kind of sociopath to make it this far. Totally. And he had a good point, but I said, it takes a special kind of sociopath to make it this far. Yeah, yeah. You really did it. Most people do have a change of heart and go,

I can't lie to this girl that I'm actually having real feelings for. Or I didn't really understand. So you found the one. He was like the one. Yeah, we have sociopaths on the show. There's definitely personality disorders, narcissists.

Like there's legit. And so you're into them now. Exactly. I was like, that's how you determine it it's like which guys do you are you

do the girls want to have sex with off the bat those are the F boys there's no question it's always that and then they reveal themselves as an F boy and they still get chosen

and then they you know they can take all the money it's like it's really compelling TV and it's like it's such a good season holy shit like if people want like to watch something that is like mindless Take all the money. It's like, it's really compelling TV. And it's like, it's such a good season. Holy shit.

Like, if people want, like, to watch something that is, like, mindless, but also funny. And if you're someone who doesn't really like reality dating shows, just, I promise you, you can't not like this show. It's fucking good. It's a little bit of, like, satirizing. Yes. You know, so it's like. We make fun of it the whole time. Right, right.

Like, we know that the show sucks. When those shows take themselves too seriously, it's like. In terms of, like, you're not here. We know none of these people are really going to last. At least I know that. Right. I mean, I think this season, actually, there might be something. But, like, but I don't think that's weird to admit that.

Because most things don't last. Like, most people dating don't last. And we're definitely not expecting these people to get engaged at the end of this fucking 10-week period. Like, there's no stakes in that way. We just want people to leave with, like, best case scenario, a boyfriend. Uh-huh. Like, that's the stakes. Right.

And then $100,000, too. And not being humiliated on TV. But shit goes down, man. It's so fun. It's so good. And, yeah, I filmed it this summer. And then we also did F Girl Island. So we did the flip side where it's three guys who are good guys looking for a relationship.

And there's a bunch of girls that are there just like, fuck all these guys. I can't wait to take their money. I've got three guys back at home. I'm a, you know, table service. What do they call them? I feel like that one would be easier and maybe that's why I'm the sucker I am. Yeah.

I feel like that one I'd be able to be like, that's the mean girl. But women are really good At seeming nurturing And like I was gonna say What are you fucking talking about Well I said We've both had

We've both had circles run around us Really Like what's the classic Like so you've had girls That you wanted something with And they've like Fucked you over No not that

Just like I've run into I mean Girls Just girls that know How to work it Yeah And have multiple guys It's pretty No I've run into, I mean, girls that know how to work it. Yeah. It's pretty,

it's pretty, no, I've never had like a, I've never had, I don't think, it's more like work me. Yeah. Like,

I don't, I don't ever had like a, like someone's like cheated on me or been used or anything like that. I don't know. Like, I don't understand. I mean, I do understand it.

I think I have the same frustration that like incels have when it comes to like where they go why does everyone why do girls want chads that are mean to them I'm a nice guy even though they're like you know planning a mass shooting privately online they're like I'm nice to you and they get mad I don't understand like I've always I'm in a great relationship now but I

struggled for so long because I would always like be nice to guys and I'd always like want to like and women who are mean to you you can't get enough of like my guy friends these women are so cruel and monitoring everything and checking their phone and just like just terrorizing them and they can't get enough and I'm just like there's something wrong I did I never knew that you would scream at a guy and fight with a guy and say, fuck you. I've never talked to a guy that way in my life. Because I just think that they'd go, you're a bitch.

I'm leaving. Maybe that's the kind of family I grew up with. It wasn't tolerated. But girls, get away with being like, you're a fucking piece of shit. Or I'm going to leak your nudes. That kind of shit, that's crazy. That girls have success out there acting like that. Mine isn't like, oh, it's great.

The sex is so good. Okay, yeah. Mine is like. A lot of it is. Yeah, that's. A lot is. But mine, like, oh, man, I don't do a lot during the day. I get bored.

It's spicy. I don't like. It's obviously very self-destructive and all that. But, like, if we're just sitting on the couch happy, like, I kind of get bored. And I don't want to do something to piss you off. And I don't enjoy the fights when I'm having them. I'm not like, yeah, this is great. I'm fucking miserable.

No, I get what you mean. But it's just like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking. You're fucked, dude. You're capped. That's the craziest thing you've said to me in 15 I'm going to do. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking – you're fucked, dude. You're cacked. That's the craziest thing you've said to me in 15 years. You're fucked.

No, it is. I don't enjoy it. It makes sense. I don't enjoy it. I don't seek it out. It's consumption. You're right. You need to be stimulated at all times.

It can't be – I don't like being loved. I don't like – Yeah. Stop. This is going to make me sad. No, it's so fucked up, i don't like you're so lovable really i don't well god i want to cuddle the fuck if i dated you i'd want to cuddle you all the time

it's a problem nikki everyone does you're so cute and so lovable fuck you gotta let it in man you gotta because you're because they're not wrong you are you have to let it in, man. You gotta, because they're not wrong. You are. You have to let it in. It's like having a cat. Just stop touching me. Okay, that's annoying. They have to have boundaries with it, but being cuddled too much, it's obnoxious and gross. I totally get that. Kevin always gets mad because I don't like when my head's scratched.

I just don't like being like... Yeah, that makes sense. I'm not one of those people who's like, don't touch me, don't touch me, but I don't like being caressed. If a girl would scratch my head For the rest of my life I'm like You got me in the palm of your hand So you're denying yourself

A little bit of pleasure there You let those You need to just get Severely burned Everywhere in your body And then women That's why Where it all comes from

I mean The villain origin story She's rubbing me a lot She's probably gonna Fuck a black guy On the beach now Fuck dude Well played Every time I come here origin story. She's rubbed me a lot. She's probably going to go fuck a black guy on the beach now. Fuck, dude.

Well played. Every time I come here, I learn you're the best. And I want you to be happy. You seem much, you seem happier every time I see you. I'm happier. But the fact that, I like how honest you are of like, I don't like being loved. That's really what it's about, is like, you

have low self-esteem, essentially, which we all do. And I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings saying that. You clearly do. I always say that all the time. Yeah. But it's so wild because you're awesome and you're so funny and you're cute. And you like Taylor Swift.

Like you are a dream boy. You really are. You're a fucking catch. Girls should be like you. You should find someone who's, like, top notch. And, like, maybe that'll be it. Like, you need to find someone who's, like, such a prize. And once a prize, someone you look at as a prize likes you, you might believe it.

Maybe Taylor. Honestly, Taylor. Talk about a prize. I'm going to get Kelsey out of here. That's why I like Kelsey, though, because he acknowledges that she's a prize. Yeah. And the other guys have always kind of been like, yeah, I'm dating Taylor Swift. What's the big deal?

Trying to mitigate it. Yeah, and he's like, we need to protect her. She's amazing. Like, he talks about her like, I can't believe I have her. He went after her. Like, I want that. That clip, the first clip. That's fucking hot, dude. When everyone was like, you know, is it real?

Is it not? That clip, the first clip of him where he was looking up at the box and he was like, wow, there she is. And it was totally someone said he was watching replay footage. Oh, was he? I think someone said that as a joke. I was so sad when they said that because I thought that was the sweetest thing. I was like, I want to cry

just thinking about like that guy just like he because he wasn't if he was looking at the box that that to me said this guy's the fucking best because he's not embarrassed to look cheesy. Like, that's my girl, which is what you want for your girlfriend. It wasn't like you were not thinking, like, that camera is on me. I was genuinely – He didn't care.

And if it was on him, which he knows it is because he's media savvy. I'm thinking that you're going to get that clip put out. He didn't give a fuck. If they catch me cheesing and being so dopey in love, I don't care because i am like it was like so hot i love him i until very very recently i was not a kelsey fan i thought he was kind of a squid kind of a i think i was a dink a dork um and i've he's come to grow on me yeah but i do think it is going to be an interesting relationship him and the swifties, because I think – We're on board, though.

Every one of us are on board. Right now you are. When they break up. I want to say you as in like – because I think of myself as a Swiftie. I do think Swifties, much like political parties, have gone a little extreme. Yes. I don't like to associate myself with the extreme Swifties. Yeah.

I'm a person who has loved Taylorlor swift for 20 years and her music and if that's swifty so be it yeah you're not a fundamentalist yeah yeah yeah um but the uh i don't think taylor's ever dated someone who is as in the media as he is he's a every week. He's a pretty outspoken guy. He's a bit of a fuckboy. She considered that, and she's ready for it. And she likes that because all the other guys... I know. She does.

I don't know if the Swifties are gonna... Here's just a theory. All the other times when it's been so private, it's been them. And she's maybe gone along with it. I think that maybe was what... She's obviously a very private person, but she's not, actually.

She is the... That's why we love her so much. She tells us everything we need to know in lyrics and then hides little, like, she's more honest with her life and her personal life than any celebrity is. It's all cryptic though. And we got to read into it, but it is all verifiable and it's all there. So that's what I love about her. And I think other guys have wanted to like, of keep her to themselves and like let's not talk about her because I want to keep you because if we – if I – we're out with it, I won't be able to like control this. And I think that for the first time she's like, yeah, you should be bragging about me.

And I am going to date a guy that did an e-reality show. It's kind of goofy and weird and he has a podcast. Like I'm not going to be in hiding anymore because it's, she's probably fucking sick of being in hiding. I really feel bad for her. Like,

she can't go to Chipotle. Yeah. She can't walk into 7-Eleven. She can't walk into a Starbucks and pick up a mobile order. Like, I am so, like,

she can't go anywhere. And when you see pictures of her walking somewhere, you go, oh, okay, well, and she's never complained,

by the way. This is only me complaining. She's amazing and is's like this is what i asked for she's never been a celebrity that's like this is really hard i mean she says it's hard but she's like this is what i wanted i'm getting what i wanted which i respect her for but she deserves uh like a lot of i would say sympathy because when you see those pictures of her walking in and out of recording studios everyone that's taking a picture going, they're screaming at her. Fucking shut the fuck up. Be quiet.

She went to Jersey? Let our queen walk in silence. Stop yelling at her. She went to Jack Antonoff's wedding. Yeah, but I think it was a rehearsal. They're harassing her. Like the Long Beach Island like descended upon her and like, yes, screamed. I would never. What is wrong with you just

calm down be nice to her and like let her like be yes if i hear taylor swift is down the street and gonna walk by i might go mosey over there i am not going to go taylor taylor like it's crying and all that that's just when i i mean i wents and I was front row. And I go, we love you. We love you. I recorded because I was recording. And then I went back and listened. And I was like, what the fuck came out of your mouth? We love you.

You're the best. I think I was just saying things I want people to say to me. Have you ever met her at all? Yeah, I met her at the Red Tour. And I wasn't a Swifty yet. And so I was just seeing this all for the first time. Yeah, it was awesome. And she's so nice.

She was so normal. It was just like a standard meet and greet. I didn't have anything. But I've modeled myself of like – I don't think I've modeled it, but I feel like the way she was with me when I met her is the way I am with fans, which is like she didn't think she was hot shit, even though she fucking was.

She was just like, hi, thanks for being fans, which is like, she didn't think she was hot shit, even though she fucking was. She was just like, hi, thanks for being here. I'm like, cool. That's how you become her. You know what I mean? But she's genuinely that way, I think. She's like, you guys know me. I'm like a genuinely kind of nice person.

And I think she's not, I think she's that way too. I don't think she's putting it on. Like, I really like that about her is that she, like you and me and you, has low self-esteem and doesn't think she's hot shit even though she is. She still has doubts. I'm like, Taylor Swift is not feeling herself. Taylor Swift is depressed? How the fuck am I going to – It makes me feel better.

It makes me feel like then maybe I'm kind of crazy too because Taylor is crazy if she thinks that she's not the most talented person that's ever – She said, I'm just going to go out, and I'm going to make a billion dollars. And she did, like, in a year. And it's like, she goes home like, this sucks. And it is not her fault that she's overexposed at this moment. Like, I think there's a backlash coming of, like, too much, because it is too, even as a Swiftian, like, let's back off. Well, that's also going to happen with the football fans and shit.

Yeah. It's going to be like. But it's, you know, she, thank fucking God for her. Yeah, you went to Arras, right? I went to Arras, oh, yeah. How many did you see? her. Yeah, you went to Eris, right? I went to Eris, oh yeah. How many did you see? I just saw one.

And it was great, right? Yeah. I walked into it nervous because, again, I actually, I've been a Swifty since day one, since Taylor Swift, the debut album. Really? Oh, yeah. I love. Wait, how old are you again i'm 35 so wow that's how did you

even know about taylor like that i went to a boarding school where like country music was okay yeah in rhode island and like people liked country music there and i started learning about it and she kind of came out right around then yeah teardrops on my guitar our song was me and my girlfriend first girlfriend song um and so i've I've been a Taylor Swift fan since day one. And even nowadays, I'm like, I don't know if I'm going to say a Swiftie. And I almost feel like it's like stolen out. I don't know. I can't do the fucking Google puzzles.

I don't know. No, you're a Swiftie. I think he's Swiftie. I think those people shouldn't be called Swifties. They should be called something else. Everyone's a Swiftie. There's no ownership of it. People are like, I don't want to go to the show

because I don't know all the words. And I'm like, no one gives a fuck. You can like Love Story and be able to like hum along to it and you belong in it. I know her hits

and I went and I was just kind of going for the experience and I was like blown away, you know? What were you blown away by? I'm always interested to hear like. The like the sheer. The sheer. Yes, like the sheer. Like it was like four hours or three and a always interested to hear, like, stamina.

Yes, like, the sheer, like, it was, like, four hours or three and a half hours or whatever. Crazy, yeah. And it was, like, everything was high energy. And I was impressed with it. It was the loudest I've ever heard anything, the crowd. Yeah, yeah. And it might be, like, an octave thing. Like, it's, like, you know, a billion, like, 13-year-old girls, like, screaming.

Yes. But, like, I've heard loud sports crowds. I've been to concerts. And when she came on stage and it just went, I jumped. I'm like, whoa, whoa, what happened? When she comes out on stage, that's the best part of the whole show.

When it lifts up. I was furious. It's been a long time coming. I was floored finding out that Maroon was not a part of her act. I think that's one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. It's the best song ever. I know. I think it was The Night After the greatest songs I've ever heard. It's the best song ever. I know.

And I think it was The Night After Us. Did a secret song. It sucks. You always miss my night. I could not believe that was, I think that's one of the best songs ever made by anybody. That's Taylor Swift, dude. She's got so many songs that you go, that's the best song I've ever heard. Yeah.

But I don't do that. Like, I like Taylor Swift, but that one hit. I love that that one hit for you. I was like some songs but that one hit and i was like i was like oh i was thinking i was like i think that's got to be like her encore i mean this is an amazing song and then it didn't come at all maroon is one of the best songs you're with you're with most swifties on that like it's up there when when we were going in i was nervous like i was nervous for days i had anxiety and like noticed i'm in a mood for days because i was like i don't love going to things that i really like that does have an extremist group that loves it so i'm like i'm like is it gonna turn me off

seeing that the fans like i i i've joked before like i don't like being with people who like the things i like so i'm like okay i like it but not like i completely agree you're gonna turn me off and i was worried that i was gonna go be like, this is fucking nuts. Yeah. And I felt the exact opposite. Yeah. It was like. It makes you feel close to everyone. Yeah. Yeah.

I go to, like, if you can't afford to go to, I went to nine ERAs tours this year. But I really, I also go to, like, Swifty sing-alongs. Like, if it's what's happening in town, like, after my show's in a city, like, I'll check because there's, like, they're every weekend in places. They are equal to the fun of an heiress tour because also you're not like having to watch her the whole time. You can like talk to your friends and sing with them.

Like, I just think it's fun to be around people that all know the words to like these songs and all love this stuff so much. It's great. The best thing about Taylor Swift, this is going to sound stupid,

but it's true, is her music. And like, it's all the other shit. It's the internet. It's boyfriends. It's drama. It's paparazzi. I like all that shit too, though. I got this jacket because I saw her wearing it the other day. I follow an account called

Taylor Swift Styled. It tells you where to buy her things. I think that's what makes her into the icon. No, but you're so right. That goes to the next level. But it's like, the first thing has got to be good. It's the music. She's just a great,

she's a great musician and songwriter. That's it. And she's really pretty and nice. And she's prolific. Yeah. Being a Swifty

is the best because like, let's say what, I mean, there's no other band that puts out as much. Maybe Wilco. during a quarantine.

Yeah. Wilco and her are the most, like they're my two favorite artists and they put out more stuff than anyone. It's like the greatest fan base to be in because you constantly

get new stuff. And you know what I want her to do? I want her next move to be. Huh? I want her to get in her fucking plane and just fly in circles. Like the fact that they came after her for that

just fly around with no destination is she supposed to go on a southwest flight just on a plane can you imagine the pandemonium if she took an American Airlines flight to Tulsa I just think in general if you want to fly your private plane and you have money go do it

but that is such a good point she can't travel commercial i fucking can't it would be dangerous it would be for me for you it would be obnoxious i get inside suitcases and popcorn cards i know that was around the public you think i can get on a fucking plane i know that for her to stay silent during all that and to just not respond to it, I thought it was a great move because that is the thing. It's like, what is she supposed to fucking do? I want her to fly on a plane

while she's squirting aerosol cans with a fucking air conditioner running. Drinking a beer on a middle finger. That's Taylor on the private plane. We covered it all. Thank you, Nikki. You're the best. Thank you very much. Check out FBoy Island. that's Taylor on the private plane we covered it all thank you Nikki

you're the best thank you very much check out FBoy Island yeah I'm on tour all the time please come see me so many cities NikkiGlaser.com

you guys are crazy សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.