KFC Radio - No Nut Not Ever, Even Drake Gets Hate, and The Blackout Pill

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Do you say couch or sofa? Drake gets booed off stage. Am I The Asshole: Guy Won't Tell Wife How Much Money He Makes. AnswerTheInternet.com is LIVE. WOuld You take the Limitless pill if you couldn't remember any of it?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio, brought to you by New Amsterdam Vodka. Johnny, give me that bottle. As is tradition, we will start every New Amsterdam episode. Hell yeah! We'll give you a shot of New Amsterdam. What up, 11am on a Monday?

Doesn't even matter, baby. Not when it's New Amsterdam V Amsterdam vodka because it goes down smooth. Also, pop them out, baby. Dump them out. You want to take that shirt off when we do a little drinking, get a little naked on an 11 a.m. Monday morning? First of all, go to dot com slash KFC. You can see my fucking titties.

I love that New Amsterdam's like cool with this, you know? What's up? It's KFC radio. We're drinking to do it. I'm drinking vodka and I got a crop top on. Yo, we should put you in the Viva crop top. Ah! Woo! Let's go!

Start things up. That's what New Amsterdam does. It starts the party. It starts your night. Sometimes, in this case, it starts your morning. It doesn't matter. Can I tell you something? Yes, you can. So we went out went out last night yeah i was a little hungover this morning and i was walking to work today and i was like i should pop into a bar and just grab a quick shot and then i was like you know what don't need to i know we're recording case radio in the way i know

we're gonna when i go when you work in a place where there's literally new amsterdam vodka like pouring from the ceilings at all times. I mean, there's just cases everywhere. It's vodka heaven. I also love – don't for a second take for granted, John, that you live a life where you can pop into a bar on your morning commute. I don't take it for granted at all. Most cities and most jobs are not allowing that. It's like if you're a grown-up person and you're going to work at 7 a.m., you can't just pop into a bar.

Right. 9.30, I was walking through New York City, and I was like, bars are open. I'm thirsty. I could use it. It's like, you know, some people stop for coffee. Why can't you stop for a shot of New Amsterdam? I feel so much better.

Right. Hair of the dog slash just, like, loosens you up. I actually, like, didn't, like, it wasn't, like, crazy last night because I had to go, I wanted to see Parasite. see parasite so it was like i had to keep myself in check all day because i knew i was gonna have to drunk not now we need to read a whole thing i'll go to a movie drunk but i don't have to read two and a half hours right so i was like all right john yeah i was like i was at the bar watching liverpool yesterday morning i was like all right

we gotta we gotta watch we're drinking because we're gonna have to read tonight that's that's what every all the young kids out there should aspire to be uh what's it called illiterate drunk yeah get illiterate drunk on a sunday what were you pointing at me what um i will finish up yeah so bottom line you want to start your morning with it you start your night with it have it during you know a little liquid lunch whatever brunch we have today vodka is so smooth, so easy. You can drink it like this on an 11 a.m. Monday morning, and it ain't no thing. They do chiclets.

They do Pink Whitney. They do it all. Come through. Get yourself some New Amsterdam vodka. How about this? So I went to a bar this weekend. A bar we go to a lot. Liverpool Bar? Yeah.

We usually go there to watch. Liverpool. No, we go watch Monday Night Football. That's kind of like where it's our bar. This weekend was the first time. I've gone there at least twice a week for nine weeks now. I think it's week nine of the NFL season.

So at least nine weeks I've gone there twice a week. Just this past weekend, I discovered that they add 20% gratuity. So I have been tipping these motherfuckers 40% and I have not gotten a free beer. Not a single

free beer. I've been tipping you 40% for nine weeks. I heard this story on Friday night, Saturday night, whenever we went to the show and I was laughing my head off because I'm not part of this. But I thought that it was like, you know, they were always giving five shots and free shots and shit.

Occasionally, you get a free jello shot. And I have to choke it down because I don't even like jello shots. Honestly, that's disrespectful. Yeah. I've gotten like two free jello shots. I mean, that's a slap in the face. It's insanity. Are you going to call them out?

No. No. What are you, nuts? Are you going to keep going? Probably. Are you going to call him out? No. What are you, nuts? Are you going to keep going? Probably. Are you going to keep tipping? Probably. Probably nothing's going to change. But I'll bitch about it on this podcast for

15 minutes. You're getting your 20% in podcast content. Yeah, exactly. When bad things happen, well, at least I can talk about it on my podcast. It's like over 20% they tip. They tip themselves. That's nuts, by the way. Like, that's a standard for, you know, big dinner parties of like eight or more at restaurants.

Not like the guy and girl alcoholic at the bar. Yeah. Maybe they just know you guys are booze bags and they can slip it by you. We just got one beer. Because obviously you can. Yeah. We just got one beer each, which was like five bucks. It was like two Bud Lights.

And they tipped themselves 260. And so what? You just finally like had looked at the bill? Yeah. Like you just finally saw it? You're like, wait a second. Hang on a second here. Yeah. This is, like it just, it weren't, it was not hidden or anything.

It's just right there. Yeah. I've never looked at it. Unheard of though. Bars doing that for just booze. Just a couple of beers sitting at a bar. Not even like table service. And by the way, I don't believe, I'm a pretty big tipper.

I don't believe in 20% on like a single round or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, I usually give you like. Like if I put my card down, and I'll do 20% at the end of that. If I'm like going beer by beer, I'll give you like two bucks per thing. But you know, that could be for one beer. That could be for five beers that can be i don't i don't think it should be 20 when you're just like popping me by lights and handing

me you know what i mean once my card's down it's 20 on that but if i'm paying in cash yeah yeah i get like i just go three beers i'm 32 bucks and it probably would come around to 20 or whatever but it's it's like to me that's more just like you open me anywhere from one to like five beer bottles and you get two bucks for that each time, you know. It's fair. And so like 20% like assuming that and then assuming 20% bananas. But honestly, that's one of those things you can probably get away with, you know, like I bet you so many more people are doing that than we realized. Yeah. And maybe not even disclosing it.

Like there are bars probably just robbing you. Just like being like, well, we're just going to add add another when was the last time you looked at my shit i mean come on never i never you you have to be off by like 120 for me to notice oh yeah i i meant like the last time i looked like they could be robbing me and like i've never looked at my bank statement oh yeah i haven't in months. Oh right. When you like, cause, cause I have no clue how much money I make. The bills run afterwards.

Right? Like the, the, the tip. Right. Right. Yeah. So like,

yeah, they could be like, well, he wrote five at a zero. That's 50. Casey was telling me some girl, uh, she got fired for that.

Like at her college bar, she would just kind of sit there and like fudge the tips by like a couple bucks here and there. And I'm like, how'd that girl even get caught? Yeah. How did you get caught? To me,

that is the perfect crime. I would do that shit all the time. I mean, PSA to any bartenders or waitresses or whatever out there. If you see me come in your place, you can rob me blind. You can add 75 bucks, 80 bucks, 90 bucks. I won't notice. You know what the problem is? New York City is still

like, you can find places in New York City that are like $4 beers. You can find shit that's like $10 beers. You know what I mean? It's still like – like sometimes a bar bill will be like $250. Sometimes it will be like $75. It's weird that there are places like that. So if you fall within like that range, I'd be like, oh, well, I guess we drank more than I thought tonight.

It has to be egregious for me to even understand it it won't i'm not even saying is it egregious could be egregious if you want i won't notice you just want to just it'll just complain no no i'm just saying like i like yeah you make you make the error as egregious as possible i will have no fucking clue sign okay i guess i'm paying for everybody's drinks tonight that's another assumption i do do, by the way. I'd be like, ah, fucking Nate's been putting shit on my tab. Right, everything's on my tab. I will blame everyone on the planet before I blame the bartender.

I'll call my mom. What are you doing? You've caught them. And I guess caught's not the right word because you're being dumb. In their mind, they're like, hey, it's not our fault. But you've caught them and you're still like, whatever. Yeah, whatever you're going to do. I'm not our fault but you've caught them and you're still like yeah whatever yeah we're gonna call you back what are you gonna do well you know like maybe speak up for yourself go to a different bar don't do that anymore but no kevin i was

talking about realistic possibilities we gotta talk about drake what happened with drake last night was an important moment in human history and i want people to understand that so drake getting booed off stage last night is brought to you by Steve Madden. They have booed offstage? Oh yeah, I'll show it to you. Nick, can you start to pull that up on the screen right now? Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. Someone had an Instagram live. There's a blog on the site if that's easiest.

It's bad. It's super embarrassing and when you see it you're going to feel bad for Drake. It was rude. I'm going to boo you offstage. Boo you out of life if you don't get some Steve Mad madden's oh i got steve madden don't you worry about me we're drowning in him right now baby we got from chelsea's to chukka's steve madden's got you covered and dillard's is the premier spot to go get your steve madden boots and shoes they got a diverse assortment of footwear for every occasion that means dress shoes boots casual

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or two nights ago, was... A shitty thing. Just mean. No, I was just kidding. Whatever the name of this festival is, it sucks. Right. night uh was or two nights ago a shitty thing just just mean it was no oh no i was whatever the name of this festival is it sucks right it was uh it was tyler the creator and it's actually i know what you're saying but it's so stupid that i gotta that i gotta get you the exact name because you know tyler the creator is like an asshole yeah like he's just like one of these finally tyler the creator is like uh he's like uh I feel like he's kind of revered as something of, like. Oh, like an art savant. Like a liberal hero, I guess is what he's called.

Yes, yes, yes. That dude was violent. His first songs were, like, about, like, raping people and stuff. It was a lot. I remember, like, hearing it, like, he, like, he dropped a lot of hard Fs. He was not a good person. He was at the Tyler, the Creator's Camp Flog Gnaw. I knew it was stupid.

Camp Flog Gnaw Fest. Now, here's what they did. Tyler, the Creator picked Drake, by the way. It was his festival, his creation. It was his style. He picked artists he likes. So you're at his festival. It was a guy he picked.

But it was a surprise act. So when people bought these tickets, they just said a surprise headliner to close out. And the audience assumed it was Frank Ocean. Because I guess like everyone under the sun in Tyler's camp, other than Frank Ocean, was there. So they assumed the main act and the surprise has to be Frank Ocean. It was not. It was Drake. So he goes out there and the crowd is super, super upset.

You know, I'm going to tell you. Come on, please. Like I said, I'm here for you tonight. If you want to keep going, I will keep going tonight. What's up? If you want to keep going, I will keep going tonight. It's been love. I love y'all.

I go by the name of Drake. Thank you for having me. To, like... Oh, is that why I didn't hear anything not plugged in yeah i wonder why i didn't have any of my headphones you basically just put like milk cartons over your fucking head uh like to get booed off but to ask and be like no come on like you want to do this and everyone's like no we don't we'd prefer to listen to nothing other than to you, Drake. Those little shits. Oh, such assholes.

And I guess like Frank Ocean's crowd is supposed to be like young, like teenagers. And they're like fucking assholes who do it. But I'm almost happy this happened. Because like Drake is quite literally like a top five most successful musician of all time. Like just by the numbers he flat out is. I don't know about you. You know, you like him stylistically or whatever. Like as a solo male artist, he's the successful musician of all time like just by the numbers he flat out is i don't know about you you know you like him stylistically or whatever like as a solo male artist he's the number one of all time he passed michael jackson he passed elvis he passed the beatles really like he with he has like 220 million records sold like it's a crazy number he

has billions of streams and as a solo male artist he is the number one of all time by you know the sales metric by you know adding the women metric. By, you know, adding the women, adding groups, adding everything, he's still probably like top five in the history of music. Wildly successful at a young age. Millions upon millions. Tours, arenas, sold out,

records sold out. Beloved almost everywhere he goes. Even he has a select group of fucking assholes who will ruin him and make him feel like shit like he got booed off the stage last night he walked out of there being like they really don't like me like they really i asked them if i you know they want me to perform and they just said no and he went home last night and i'm sure he got over it extremely quickly when he had a beautiful guy no his arm. I know he did not.

So, yeah, I was going to say, like, he probably didn't. Like, yeah, he goes home to all these successful things. He has still not gotten over it. He's very sad. He's very sad about that. And so, as a regular-ass person, or a semi-regular person, whatever we are now, for everybody out there, just realize it's impossible to live a life haterless it can't be done you can't have no matter what you do there will be somebody and probably a lot of people being like fuck you you suck i think you need to hear that and i'm glad you're the one who said it

it's true i did need to hear it and i and i know these things and i've kind of been preaching it for a while but you know there are times where i'm thinking to myself well no i would love to be like completely beloved like drake you know or like someone who i think would be and i and i know that everyone has like quite literally what i just said everyone does have haters but i did figure if you reach a certain point in your life like you've you've made it to the top where, like, those haters can't get to you. No, they can't get to you. Everybody can get to you. I will guarantee you that Drake is still thinking about this as we talk about it.

For sure. As you're listening to it. It's Tuesday. Drake is still thinking about winning a Buda. The rest of his life. Yeah. The rest of his life he'll remember the night that he was like, hey guys, I love you. Do you want me to sing music?

And they were like, kill yourself. That's fucking crazy. And you know what's nuts? Had that been billed as like when you bought the ticket, it was just like Tyler, the Creator's Festival, and Drake's the Headliner, people would probably love it. Oh, yeah. But for whatever reason, they got their hopes up for someone else.

And so they're just like, you're not that other human. Like, Drake could not do anything. It wasn't like he was singing R&B songs and then wanted to rap Drake. Or they did new songs and then wanted the old Drake. It was just like, you're not the right human. We assumed it was another human with different DNA and a different body than you. And you weren't that, so fuck you. So think about that you know there's going to be

someone who hates you because you're not the like salesperson they wanted there you don't look the right way you don't whatever you can't escape nope you can't and that's why you just have to like nobody yeah i mean it's just something to really see like you know like i didn't think this could happen to drake i didn't think like I didn't think this could happen to Drake. I didn't think that, you know, this music could happen to Beyonce. It could happen to Rihanna. It could happen to people who you think are pretty much universally, if not like loved, because of course there's an opinion in music and art and sports and all that shit.

There's always people on either side of it. But enough to the point that you can get like booed off of a stage. Like that's his. That's a huge sample size. That's 100,000 people over there. Probably a big ass a stage like that's his that's that's a huge sample size that's that's a hundred thousand people over there probably a big ass fucking festival like that hundred thousand people unanimously booed you crazy and in your craft you know it's like if drake was like in a movie and people like boo this sucks it's like oh yeah i'm like i'm not an actor guys like i am a

fucking the best at this ever and you guys said said, fuck you. I'm the most successful ever. And they just were like, nah, we don't want you. I hope those little shits just feel terrible about themselves. I hope their mothers and their fathers ground them. Does this make you feel guilty at all for what we do to TV shows? Because it just doesn't end how we wanted it to. And we both. No. No. And we booed. No.

No. And I'll tell you why. Because if we were at like a Game of Thrones Comic Con thing, I wouldn't boo those people off the stage. I don't know if I've ever booed. I've never booed like, oh, I've never booed my team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the visiting team coming in, I'll boo them. I agree with that, yeah.

But, like, I've never been, like, my team, the team I love, isn't playing well, so boo. I've never done that. I've heard my fellow fans do it, usually endorse it. Don't do it. Like, in my head, I'm like, yeah, you're right. You're right. Like, I can't. Edwin Diaz, you deserve it, bro.

But, like, I just won't physically take it that far. If you go somewhere and you're – and I guess this was like a surprise act, so it's like you weren't like, I bought Drake tickets. But it's like you're at a music fucking festival, and you think you get to do that to his face. If you're just like, oh, yeah, Drake's whack. I don't like his music. It's fine.

But to take it to that. Also, no one thinks that. When he's a guest. If Drake's doing a headlining show, he's probably going to play fucking hits. Yeah. Heaters. And, like, I don't care who you are. You can have fun to Drake's music.

Like, that's why Drake is who he is. It's like he does it all. Like, a little bit pop, a little bit rap, a little bit R&B, a little bit new, a little bit old. Like, he's incredible like that. What's Kane is in the building? Baller song? Right above it. Right above it is my favorite rap song of in the building? Baller song? Right above it. Right above it is my favorite rap song of all time.

Drake's going to play right above it. And you're going to have a fucking blast. Right, and instead you just like booed him off. And then I think that was probably just the end of the show. He was like the encore. He was like the end of it. Yeah, you ruined your weekend. Good for you.

Because. Fucking assholes. Everyone's weekend got ruined. We wasted the good surprise on you. Fucking. And if you're one of those people, what a piece of shit. But if you're one of those people getting booed,

aka everyone, just remember. How small you must be to be like, I'm going to get pleasure from booing this person. That's crazy. I think that there is... I would imagine a lot of people would think that about me because I'm like, but I don't,

there's a huge difference here because it's not just an outright boo. It's a creative way of teasing. Right. I think I, I, and I got, I don't, I've done plenty of self-reflection and I think it's different when you're

like, look, we're being funny. It's, I'm not just being like, you stink. I'm making fun of you in a fun way doing it in a way that's like showing how i do things and like what you like about that

this is just like screaming in your face boo i don't like your existence i mean those people are like the the boo woman from princess bride just boo and that's it offering nothing else if you're gonna boo metaphorically you gotta add something to it show me why, tell me why tell me why I shouldn't boo you as you boo this thing fucking jerks, I feel bad for Drake Drake, come on the show you're in a safe place here

we can talk about it, okay alright, let's get into Am I the Asshole for today and then we'll pop into our voicemails to wrap things up today's Am I the Asshole today? And then we'll pop into our voicemails to wrap things up. Today's am I the asshole is brought to you by Stitch Fix. Fix your stitches. Basically, I know my audience, and I know a lot of you guys out there. You want to look good.

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Yeah. That's cool. And Stitch Fix is like, oh, you think I can pull this off? All right, thank you, Stitch Fix. Right, now I can. Yeah. Honestly, it's really all a frame of mind. I've been wearing shoes recently, the tie-dye ones

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You know when people say, my mom makes the best sandwiches. It just tastes different when my mom makes it. But eventually, you've got to grow up and do your own. You have to make your own grilled cheese you know i don't but stitch fix i don't know what you're talking about if you're a grown man whose mommy's not buying you gifts anymore buying you clothes anymore but you still want that touch that's what stitch fix bring for you maybe that's what they do they have a team of moms behind the scenes maybe it's just your mom buying you shit maybe they they lick up your name and they're like all right let's call poly

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This one, I think there's kind of a clear cut asshole, but I think it adds to a bigger discussion. Am I the asshole for not wanting to tell my fiance how much money i'm making my my fiance and i have been together for six years and she wants to know how much money i make a month and i always say that i don't wish to talk about that i do not want to answer her question she tells me how much she makes but that's because she chose to tell me i never asked her nor do i care to know but she believes that couples should know each other's revenues i try to tell her that all she needs to know is that i'm financially stable and i don't need to go into details about how much money i'm making i'm starting to rethink whether i should marry this No. I'm going to say, I'm going give like a cop-out answer i don't think

i think this guy is an asshole but i don't know if it's specifically because of this okay like like the way he's taking like i can i can read in this this guy sucks yeah yeah no you're right yeah now that dude stinks yeah big time right because of i bet there's a bunch of other mi the assholes involving this guy that you get yep yep yep yep now this one's interesting i think if you've been together with someone for six years you know whether she's a gold digger or not yeah that's crazy so like that also like you have gold digger money well right that to me says this guy's got like his own issues with that like yeah he walks around thinking every woman's trying to take advantage of him or something like that so he probably does make a lot of money and he probably

is someone who could get gold dug. But you know within six years. Has she been taking your money or not? You probably know within six months. Right. In six minutes, you know you're only hanging out with me because of my money. Right. And I think that he's wrong in the sense that I think if you're going to get married,

I do think you're all one family now. You have one family income. Have you ever seen that? I love that Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. I don't think I've seen that. When Larry and his wife go out to dinner with their friend and his wife, and his friend pays the bill, and Larry says, thank you. And his wife goes, well why aren't you gonna thank me

oh yes yes yes yes you didn't pay for it yeah right and they just started talking it was like right because it's like our money and he's talking about with cheryl where he's like he's like no like it's my money i just let you spend right right right right well and it is like it's one of those things where like you're crazy to have a fight about it but you're 100 right he's for sure right and i think it's my money it's all changed now that everybody makes their own money like i think back in the day it was just like the man makes the money and like it's his money and but like the woman stays at home to feed the kids and so like she needs some of that money but it's his when everybody's making their own money i think that you need to have some semblance of like independence there because when you when you like work hard for your money and then someone

else just like is using it like with reckless abandon you're gonna be like wait a minute yeah hold on hang on i drank vodka at 11 a.m for this money but like and she's making her own money now too like i mean most women now are working women, career women. Like they're bringing their own, their own money in. And I just think it's like impossible. It's just like so necessary to have this feeling of like, I worked for this. And so I get it. And like, I need to contribute a lot of that to like our family pot or whatever.

But like, I do need to have some control over my own money just because like i'm an adult you know and like i mean i know as a guy how does merging bank accounts work well like what we did and i guess we're not really the standard for anything but we had our own accounts and then we had a joint account which like we still do like that's how we transfer money to each other or how i transfer money to her um and so so um like i had you know this account over here that like was my money and then this is the money that we you know can both see and both share and i'm sure you know it's kind of one of those things it's like well if you have nothing to hide like why do you care if she sees your finances and it's like yeah i i know but i i

also want to be able to buy a pair of sneakers without have it being like yeah wait a minute oh you bought another pair or like, Oh, I see that, you know, you paid for dinner last night for the boys. Like, you know, like shit like that,

where it's like, it's not that I'm trying to hide from you. It's just, I don't want to have like an art. I don't even know. It's not even a fight. It's just like, I don't want to talk about it.

Right. I just want to buy things with my money that I don't have to answer. Right. And I know that I'm like hypersensitive to it. Cause I was a guy who was like super whipped. So it was like, I just want to be able to like spend my own money. Like I want to have my own fucking life and my own – you know what I mean? And maybe other people aren't like that and they're just like easy to offer it up.

But I think there's something totally normal about being like I worked for this. I earned it. I want to do what I want to do with it. You want to know a trick? Don't make money. Don't know how much money you make. There's a little lesson for everybody. If you don't want to have this argument,

put me on the polygraph, strap me up. How much money you make, John? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know. What do you,

what do you make a month? I have no fucking clue. Unfortunately, I'm keenly aware of what I make. I think that like the way to do it is to have that you know that that combination right that joint account where it's like here's where we can all move money and because that's also just like a uh logistics thing it's just like rather than always having to venmo and whatever it's just like here's here's where we pay our bills from

that's what we did but i think everybody do you have like a set percentage that you like – No. It was usually like I used to get in trouble all the time because she would always have to remind me to transfer the money. She's like, I wish you would just do this. I just forgot. But like here it is. She hated that she had to remind me. I always do that with like – even with rent.

I'm like maybe if I don't pay it today. Today is the day. Just skates. Maybe I'll just forget. I do that. I delay things by a day, two days. Today's a day. Just forget. I do that. I delay things by a day. It's not going to change.

I'm still going to pay that rent. Just going to hurt my credit. No big deal. Maybe if I don't pay today, something will happen. Maybe like we get hit by a meteor. Yeah. And I'll have more money in my bank account when I die. I think the way he's approaching it of just like,

I don't, I don't want to answer your question is childish, but also like, you know, I can understand where you're coming from. I think most people would be like, I don't want to answer this question, but I guess I have to,

this guy's just like, I choose not to answer. If you've been together six years, don't you think you have an idea how much the other six years? Yeah. I mean, like, well,

that's why something's like, and like, you know, it's, it's like, Oh, let's go on vacation. it's like oh the jersey shore no greece right you kind of know what's up i kind of know where we are that's so that maybe maybe this guy you know red flags is the right word because that to me speaks to like are you making 1.2 million or like 2.2 million like you know because in that in that case you're you're pretty lavish no matter

what but i want to know like specifically for whatever reason you know maybe my lawyer's been asking me a lot i can yeah right i mean and that's i wish i wish there was like an update of like what type of money we're talking because like you know maybe when you're a broke boy in a happy but like humble relationship you're like i don't i don't get this you know and if you're wealthy like you've got sometimes you do have like a target on your back yeah but also like i get like if a rich guy came to me it was like i i question everybody like my family like they i feel like they're taking money from me and i feel like every woman's with me because of my money and it's like a thing for him i'm like i can't relate to that i don't make

enough money to feel that way but like more money more problems type of shit like maybe you've never even encountered this where every time you walk in a room you think that you're being used for your money so it's a subject that's sore to you you know yeah i mean i definitely get it yeah i just think i think you were i think you were spot on with your initial assessment that you're an asshole maybe not for this reason right but you're definitely an asshole i like that sort of the asshole i actually think that's one of the things they say is sta like sort of the asshole kind of kta kind of the asshole i'm gonna give him dta you're definitely the asshole not for this reason but you're definitely the asshole all right let's get into these voicemails voicemails today are brought to you by burrow

if you're sitting on the couch right now listening to kfc radio you should be sitting on a burrow if you're listening while you're commuting from home, I hope that you're heading home to a burrow couch. If you're listening at work, maybe you're at one of those fancy Google type places where they have couches. I hope that they're burrows. I hope all the couches in your life are burrow couches.

You should be so lucky. By the way, did you say couch or sofa? Couch? What am I? An asshole? I feel like you gotta be like if you say sofa, your name is also probably like Mildred. You're probably like Agnes or Maude

and you were a flapper in the 1920s. I wanna tell you something right now. And I'm dead serious. I'm dead fucking serious. If you say sofa, don't ever listen to this show.

Yeah, please. Unsubscribe. Don't buy any of our products. I don't want your money. I don't want your support. I don't want anything to do with you as a person. No, absolutely not. Sofa. That's gotta be short for something, right? If you say couch, go ahead and give us

five stars because it's hugely important. But if you say sofa, suck a fat dick. Oh! I'm gonna look it up right now. Do you even have a guess where the word sofa comes from? That's worse than... That's the stupidest question I've ever asked.

I bet you it's like sofa. It's a two-word thing. Usually it's like Soho. It's like south of Houston. There's absolutely no chance that's where sofa comes from. What? You think sofa is a New York abbreviation? Yeah, basically.

Like, futon is the F-A. You know what I mean? Like, something like that. Like, these words are all so stupid. I mean, like, we're not just going to let this fly, right? I feel like we have to have an intervention for Kevin for even thinking this. I don't know what you're on. It's an old French word for to lie down.

Okay. So you were definitely. And like a love seat is what? That's a small couch? Yeah. Take a two-person couch. So is there a difference between a couch and a sofa? No.

Just a word. Just a word, yeah. Sofa. Fuck out of here. Sofa. I mean, I'm dead serious. I don't want you listening to this show. I mean, I'm going to look through the copy right now.

If they say sofa, we're going to have a problem. Oh, God, I hope they don't. It looks like we're going to have to have a meeting. No, is it? Settle into a comfy new Burrow sofa. Oh, no. But that's just because they, you know, that's just like you can't say couch every time.

I bet they felt that way. Yeah, that's true. I guarantee they're like they did it, but they hate it. Yeah. Just go with Burrow Couches, okay? It's not Kevin Couch Clancy. It's not Kevin Sofa Clancy. It's Kevin Couch Clancy, okay?

Go get yourself a Burrow. Get free one-week shipping. So you get it in a week, and you save like $250 because shipping on furniture is crazy. And you save $75 when you go to burrow.com slash sofa. That's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC. Get $75 off a new couch, not sofa. Voicemails.

What's up, KFC? Fight Super Producer BC. Got a quick question for you. If you were paid $10 million for every single year that you do not come, whether that be from sex or from jerking off or whatever, how many years could you blast? But it's gotta be consecutive. So after one year you make 10 mil, after two years you make another 10 mil.

Why are you so open on that third year? I mean10 million. Yeah, we get it. After two years, you make another $10 million. Why are you so open-hearted? But if you come that third year. I mean, zero. Okay, good. Okay. I thought you were going to be like, forever. No, zero years. Zero years. $10 million is a lot.

I would try it. Do you think you'd attempt it? Yeah, I would attempt, but I would fail within like two weeks. For $10 million, you don't think you'd even get past two weeks? Nope. Brendan, I wouldn't take a job that pays you $42 million if you have to get up at 4 a.m. So if you think I'm not coming for a full year for $10 million, you're fucking insane. Do you know what I would do?

I would try, but I would be, like, such a wreck after, like, two weeks that I'd be like, there's no way I'm going to make it 50 more. I actually have, like, this is kind is kind of like a moment, I suppose. I've tried before to not jerk off. Why? For like the day. And guess what? Why'd you even try? 11 p.m. hit.

You had to do it. I mean, what are we going to do here? We're in bed. The laptop's right here. Why not? Why would you not do it? I mean, it's like that crazy broad Nikki Glaser's running around not coming. You're just nuts.

Nikki's an insane person. She really is. And I know that she read a book, but I'm sure I'll go write a book that says you're going to die if you don't come. So someone else wrote a different book. You know, these opinions are just ridiculous. Opinions are stupid. Whoever wrote that book, by the way, can't possibly be an expert to the point

that you could know that that works. Of course not. How could you research this and study this? Everybody's coming. There's nobody not coming, so you don't know. Except for fucking Nikki Glaser, apparently. It's a cumless wonder. Check out her ati tonight

by the way oh yes ati today that's right nikki answer the internet she's so goddamn funny nick was telling me that's almost makes it more funny like this this chick just tortures herself for no reason nick said it's like 15 minutes because she was like he's like i couldn't edit any of it out all of it's a funny answer that's awesome so we got a money episode uh ready to roll with her uh also, Walmart is restocked or stocked for the first time, I should say. And they have 5,000 of those, so go get them before they sell out. You want to do one?

You want to do it after voicemail or before? We'll do it after. Yeah, we'll do it after because we also have an update of the most ridiculous revelation ATI has produced yet. So we'll do that at the end of the episode along with an answer to the internet question. But back to the voicemail. No

shot. Anybody can do this. $10 million isn't enough money. $10 million. No, no, no. It has nothing to do with the money. I would try for, I would try for $1 million. I would try for $500,000. I just won't succeed at anything. Actually, you know what? Yeah. It could be $100 billion. It's like

I'm not going to be able to knock up. $10 million is enough money to make the effort. Yeah, but it's just not. It's like also how much money to climb Mount Everest. I can't do these things. And then once I – I can't not come. I can't climb Mount Everest.

I have to explain that to my girlfriend in six years. How many years? The people out here would be like 12. Yeah. I won't come for a decade and a half. Like what? He said how many years, but then it ends. So if you do one year,

10 million. Second year, 20 million. But if you stop in year three... I mean, you know what? Imagine if you fucking resumed. Like, I got 20 million. I jerked off for a year. I'm feeling pretty good about year four, though. Like, let's go. What's even the point of having the money if you can't come?

Although, I'll tell you something. Money's better than coming it is but it's also like money is better than food but you have to eat food you know like you have to survive that's true that's a great point and I guess we're going to throw out like Bob Fox night wet dreams

like we know that it just can't come you can't just masturbate yourself the first nut after a year a 10 million dollar year is probably a good one. Yeah. I've been thinking about painting my ceilings. Like everyone, you know,

everyone's pumped when it's like December 1st, if you're doing no nut November, which I don't think anybody actually does, but imagine, you know, January 1st, January 2nd, after a fucking year.

Cum city, baby. Check your lease, man. Cause you're living in cum city. Next up. Hey, guys. Love the show.

Got a quick hypothetical question for you today. So I just rewatched the movie Limitless with Bradley Cooper. Classic. And I was just thinking, if there was a pill that you could take that made you limitless. However, it lasted a month. And for that month, you were essentially blocked out. So essentially you take it and one month later you walk back in. But you were super productive and all that shit. So my question is, would you take it?

And or how many would you take? Thanks. Bye. So I just don't remember the month, but I assume that I crushed it? Yeah. All the months. All the months. Every single month. I do not care about remembering life at all.

I just want to be good at it. Like if I... So if you're giving me a cheat code... But at some point I would want to like... Like I would do it for like a year straight. Assume that I like got rich off of it for, like, a year straight. Assume that I, like, got rich off of it, basically, right? This is a time machine. Time travel to the future.

Right. And guess what? In that time you skipped, you were really successful. Right. It's time travel, and it almost guarantees that the future that you travel to is great for you. I guess there could be some kind of butterfly effect where something goes wrong and you miss something that you really wanted. But that's the thing. Miss my mom's death? Big deal.

She'd be like, whatever. You are particularly bleak today. I can hear it in your voice. You're in full-blown, like, the sun's going to explode, we're all going to die, doesn't matter mode. I'm always in that mode. I'm going to make the assumption that... My mom would rather me be happy and not happy. My mom wants me to be successful and secure.

She doesn't care about my happiness. just like grow the fuck up make money and like you know take care of your shit exactly but i'm gonna say that like it's this is dependent upon like uh i'm assuming that i take this pill and i'm like an awesome dad yeah i'm an awesome i'm awesome at everything you know it's not just like you're gonna kill it at work but like you lose all your friends and family it's like i don't want to wake up in a month and be like oh i don't have kids anymore but i so i need some like assurances here but but basically this comes down it's the same thing with like people ask me like if the mets could win the world series but you couldn't watch it would you do it uh fucking yeah it's about like the bragging rights afterwards and shit you know

i don't need to have to i would like to experience it but the moment of elation is not that yeah it goes pretty quick and it's just like whoa you yell You yell for 30 seconds, and then you're like, I feel like an idiot. Is it? Right. It's like, I can't just, like, scream. Isn't this the plot of Click? The remote? Doesn't he, like, fast forward through life?

Because he's like, I don't want to do all this work. And he just, like, presses fast forward, and then he's awesome. Probably. Yeah. Sounds right. I think in the end, he started, like, crying and shit. Yeah, it was a disaster. Right.

But I think I would. It completely backfired. I would do it, and then be like, well, shouldn't have done that. But right now, it sounds like an easy. I would do, I think I would backfire i would do it and then be like well shouldn't have done that but right now it sounds like an easy i would do i think i would do like a year i don't want to like miss my whole life i know you you do but i like i'm okay with like you know well let me tell you this i would have been a-okay with skipping 32 to 34 33 to 35 whatever it is I have I wouldn't use it until Tom Brady retires you don't want to miss Tom

I don't want to miss what might be Tom's last year unfortunately he's going to outlive you like his career is going to outlive you that's not unfortunate that's very fortunate the what was I going to say? The thing with Limitless

is so funny is that like they made a movie that was just blatantly about Adderall. Adderall, that's it. It's like, what if you

could take a pill that keeps you laser focused and hide it? It was like the height of Adderall is like, I think when I was in college-ish and it was just like, everyone was like,

Adderall, that's the stuff. And they just made a movie about it. Someone high on Adderall wrote that script about the drug they were high on. For the first time, they were like, this is brilliant.

But I've never actually seen it. Do they ever go beyond... It's not like he has superpowers, right? It's just like he can focus really hard, right? Yeah. In Limitless, he also has super strength or something. Okay, this is not Adderall, but it's like, no. He unlocks his brain.

I mean, it's Adderall. It's absolutely Adderall. I still have never taken Adderall. You've never taken Adderall? Never once. I've stopped taking it because it turns out coming down off Adderall is not super healthy for a person who tends to be depressed sometimes.

Oh, it's to crash real hard. You just hit a noob and just blast through a rock bottom. Yeah, so I've stopped taking it, but it was fun in college. I missed it in college. It was not in vogue, at least not in my school. So what? I'm not going to start taking it as an adult.

I mean, you should take it once. I should probably take it once. You can go get it right now. school and then so what like i'm not gonna start taking it like as an adult you know let's i mean you should take it once i should probably take it once just to you can go get it right also i'm also there's someone here you have some no but yeah there's no but yeah yeah you can go find i just i don't like my thing has always been like i don't want to take drugs to do work or do school yeah but now it's just like you can party on it too i get that yeah i'm just saying like i i'm also usually like a guy like if my body is like stop drinking and partying and go to sleep, I'm like, okay. I don't really need to push through that.

Oh, I disagree. Yeah, I know how you do. But yeah, it's fine. You should definitely do it. You should definitely do it. I'm a little scared of doing it and then being like, oh, I got to keep doing this. Like, oh, I just did like four story storyboards and wrote a stand-up set. You're not gonna do that.

You don't do work. You just... You'll clean your apartment. I do need that. But that's about it. My apartment is getting tough. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm going back to wash and fold.

Fuck it. I don't care that I have a washroom dryer in my place. I'm done. Oh! Done. Smart. Smart play. It's just like...

It's too cheap. It's the one thing in the world that no matter what the cost, it's worth it. That needs to be legitimately. Wash and fold could increase their prices 10x, and I think that's when people would start to fall off. And I'm kind of being serious. I've been going to the same wash and fold place for two years now.

They've raised their prices like five times. Just keep going. Every time. If someone said to you right now, I'll do your wash for $10 a pound, I think you'd say yes. I don't even, yeah. Because you wouldn't even like do that. Kevin, I don't know how much money I make. Yeah, I'd pay whatever the fuck it matters.

So if you had a 30-pound thing of laundry, you'd pay $300. But I think you'd do that. I can assure you I would do that. The folding is what you pay for. Yes, exactly. And not even that, the cube. It comes in that cube, and you don't even have to put it in your drawers. You can just live off the cube.

Yep. I just have a pile right now, three piles. I mean, it's all things I should just throw out, by the way. It's like these clothes, I don't need these clothes. You know? Fucking A. I need to do Adderall. Next up.

You should do Adderall. Hey, KFC. I actually, sorry. One second. I always think it's so funny, like in Barstool when I was, this is like at the old office, I think, but I,

I had this revelation where it was like, I sneak, I hide to take my multivitamins. I like sneaky put them in my mouth. Cause I'm like, people are gonna make fun of me. You're doing drugs. But I was like,

yo, does anyone have an Adderall? Yeah. Who's got the cocaine pills illicit narcotics i will openly ask for and then like don't you catch me i'm chewing up a flintstone but yeah if you see like a multivitamin i like it's like the craziest thing i've ever done like i'll hide under my desk i don't want people to see me um so i'm running into a problem. I have just recently gotten into an exclusive relationship with someone my age, whatever. But the problem that I'm running into is that I don't think he wants to have sex with me, which is, I'm not ugly, but I'm not overly, whatever. We're both a human being. And, whatever. We're proud of him.

He's a human being. And I don't know how to ask him how to have sex more often. And my friend was saying just text him that, you know, you'd like him to initiate more. But I feel that's rude of me to do. I just don't know what to do. Like, what does a girl do? So thanks for the help. I just need to have sex. Bye. Like, what does a girl do? So thanks for the help. I just need to have sex.

Bye. First of all, call me. Second of all, I think I love the awareness, by the way. Like, I'm not hot. I'm not ugly. I'm just a human. I'm a human, like, worthy of dick. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm not gross, but, you know, I should get fucked. I think you just, like just keep coming on to him. Every time you want to have sex, sex him. He'll fuck you. And if he doesn't, then you have a real problem. I don't think you need to be like, hi, I would like to have more sex than we do. Or I guess at all in this case.

I don't know if they do, but whatever. I think if just every night you're like, I'm so fucking wet, I want to fuck you. That guy would be like, okay. Yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, I'll keep coming. I say that I'm like, you know i don't have sex law or whatever it is but like i mean if you mention sex i have to have sex if it's presented to you like you know if you like just say the word vagina i'm like well we're gonna have sex now like you know will he like

you're not gonna drive all the way hours for it or travel or whatever. But if it's like they hang out together. I missed the beginning. I don't think. If you see each other enough and it's easy enough and you just keep like sext him, send him a nude. Send him a picture. Send him a description. Tell him what you want to do. Say the word vagina.

That's all it takes. Honestly, just send the fucking splash emoji send the eggplant emoji send the peach emoji send any of those things and it's like putting out the bat signal for dick it's the dick signal you can literally do anything it's it's actually and then it's upsetting when you realize how much power like it's called the power of the pussy for a reason you just people have been making reckless life decisions forever based on this like they we want to do it and if he says no to that then like he's gay you know then you know you have a problem then you know you know he's really not into you maybe you

really are ugly then he's gay then then he's got no dick then there's something you know going on but if you're making an honest effort and not doing it in an awkward way just doing it in like a hot way he's gonna fuck you there it's so i follow christy mac on twitter yeah naturally she just has to tweet i don't even read the tweet i just see her name and i'm like well i don't know fuck i gotta go drink oh yeah that that's a that happens i'm very concerned about it to be honest that's a that's a 100 true story that bothers me yeah christy mac pops on the timeline you come that's like i'm like well it's almost like a splinter cell where it's like i've been activated by like the russians and it's like oh i gotta go turn off now so i want everyone to follow christy

mac and at john on her tweets and then you're gonna make john jerk off like 100 times a day you you guys could ruin a man's career. Like his productivity just plummets while everyone keeps tagging me on Christy Mac tweets. Just have the best of it. Put your notifications on and just torment John with them. You ever think it was going to get to this point in the world where the guys don't fuck enough?

This is the post Me Too era where the girl's like, will you fuck us please? I'm scared! Not with this dick! I mean, it's a scary world. No, I will not! You guys overplayed your hand. What do you want me to say?

You went too far with it. You can't have it both ways. You don't get to have these lawsuits and get fucked. I'm so terrified of sex. I'd rather just watch Christy mack tweet and then masturbate myself the rest is ain't worth the risk there is no miscommunication between my hand and my penis there is not like oh i missed the sign i consent every time i'm good yeah we nailed it but it is funny this is just like we i feel like we get a lot of calls like that. Shout out to our kings who listen to us

who just don't fuck. The celibate kings out there. I think that there is like, you know, it's almost like sports. Like, girls can like sports too. And it's like, yeah, but you're not just,

you're just like, you guys just aren't as stupid as we are about it. Same thing with sex. You guys want to fuck, you're just not stupid about it. We're so dumb with it. It runs our lives. Sports and sex. Same thing with sex. You guys want to fuck, you're just not stupid about it. We're so dumb with it. It runs our lives. Sports and sex.

It runs our lives and oftentimes we can't control either of them. Almost exclusively can't control either of them. You have no control. My dick, your body parts,

my body parts, the sports team, wins, losses, can't control any of it and it's what completely dictates my mood every single day. Did my team win? Did I get fucked?

I'm happy. Did I lose? Am I in a drought? I'm miserable. It's like, you know, girls... Oh, I'm so kinky. I'm so like... No, I like to fuck too. And it's like, okay, well, what happens if you haven't fucked in like a week? Do you...

Are you like catastrophically distracted and depressed? Because that's what happens to us. Trust me, you don't like it like we do. But yeah, that guy, I'll just, if you just say I want to fuck,

he'll be like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, although it is the worst when you don't want to have sex and you're just like, I gotta think of an excuse. I feel so bad right now,

but, uh, you just, no, you can't do that. Oh, I don't. You have to fuck.

Yeah. Like, but there are times I don't feel like having sex. Right, but you have to. And I do. Because, like, then when the tables are turned and you know how shitty it feels for you, it's like, just fucking put the dick in there. You know?

It's not that hard. It's really not. And actually, it is a little bit harder for us because it's like, we actually have to, like, physiologically have something change. You can just be open for business. Yeah. Just let me in there for a little bit, you know? Because it's just, it's likeke getting booed off stage man it hurts it doesn't it's like when that every night i'm like drake you want me to keep going we could do this and

they're like no and i have to be like all right it's all love i get it i'm going to the bathroom with jerk off you wish i was someone else i understand it's all love. I get it. I'm going to the bathroom to jerk off. You wish I was someone else. I understand. It's a disappointment. This surprise isn't that good. You've been listening to me for a long time. You're over it. It doesn't excite you as much as it used to,

and you don't even want to do it. I get it, but when you say that to me, it hurts. And yeah, we've done it 65 million times. We've done a billion streams, but I want to still perform, and you just won't listen. You won't enjoy it just say yes to sex there's a slogan consensual sex everybody should say yes to that next voicemail last one of the day it's brought to you by door dash door dash the, the number one food delivery service, not even just food, just everything delivery service.

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I also signed up for DashPass. You don't have to ever pay the delivery fee. You pay like $8 a month. So like if you get delivery like once or twice a month, you come out ahead. Yeah. So for me who does it every night, I save like,

I don't know, like a hundred bucks a month. That's a, I have to get that. Yeah. It's like eight. I think it's $8 for the year. It's unbelievable.

The year for the month. Sorry. So, and right now you want to do it on top of that. You can do promo code KFC and get $5 off your first order of $15 or more. I've been on a huge Wendy's kick. Yeah, since I was 16. Yeah, but this is like my backwards approach to no carbs. I do chicken nuggets, which I have like the breaded chicken but

it's still just like chicken yeah and i do the taco salad with their chili whoa it's fire i mean it's good in the salad yeah it comes with a salad that has shredded cheese and tomatoes and then i pour the salad the chili in the salad i put sour cream on it and it's like this southwest taco salad it's fire that sounds quite nice it's great i do do it like every night now. So that's what I'm ordering. Tonight, tomorrow night, every night, you can catch me eating my Wendy's from DoorDash. Download DoorDash app. Use the promo code KFC at checkout.

$5 off your first order of 15 bucks or more. Last one. Let's cook. What's going on, boys? So I was just listening to your episode with the girl's got to eat. The story with the guy that whispered just love me in one of the girl's ears.

It reminded me of a time when I was in college. One of my friends leaned into a girl and said, I want to take you to the candy shop, which is the most cringeworthy thing anyone can say. So my question to you is, what is the worst possible thing you can say in a girl's ear or the worst thing that you've said? Let me know.

Viva. I got a great story for this. My buddy was once hooking up with a girl. He went to visit like a school down south. I want to say it was like South Carolina. And he hooks up with this like southern belle, like blonde bombshell, kind of stereotypical southern, you know, debutante type of shit and uh i guess this is like the morning after they both wake up and like you know you smell like a brewery or a mess like whatever and she's like snuggled into him in bed and she goes you smell just like my dad oh heaven

and he was like he was like you know I smelled like whiskey and fucking like sweat. And she said, you smell just like my dad. That is incredibly unfortunate. But it also makes. He was like in the setting, like whatever it was, I didn't even do it justice. I remember being like, yeah, that's probably true on so many levels, bro. Do you have anything you ever said? I've been told. I've been told i hooked up with a girl on halloween once

uh it was maybe like i don't know like the second time we had like hung out even and she whispered i love you in my ear and i was at a point where i was like coming out of a college relationship and i was very much like i'm not trying to be involved like with anybody where i can like hurt them or whatever and so i was like uh nope like i didn't know what to do in that sense i'm like in a fucking halloween costume and like the mood has been killed so i knew yeah she she was like the type of get like it was it was a bad it wasn't just like a drunk like oh whoops i can't believe that slipped out it was like oh boy you're already like thinking that i had a girl in college once whisper um split me open whoa see that's a good thing yeah but i was like i can't yeah whatever you think is about to happen it's not that i i like i i do not have the ability split me like a log of wood daddy

like we're gonna have pretty bad bad sex for the next two minutes. You know what the girls need to say? I'm not going to split you open. They need to say things like, try to split me open. Give it a good try to split me open. That to me is like, okay. Try and fuck me your best. Yeah.

I'm going to. I'll give you a gold star. I'm going to work for you. I try to get 100 like, okay. Try and fuck me your best. Yeah. I'm going to. I'll give you a gold star. I'm going to work for you. Like I try to get 100 on every test. I get like a 72. Like I'll try, but I ain't going to split you, girl. I don't think I've ever said anything. I've definitely like texted, probably like sexted things that I'm like, well, that was

clearly too far. But I've never said anything in the moment. At least that I. No, I know. Because I intentionally shut the fuck up because I don't want to say something like that. The thing is, I probably have. I just don't know it. I've never had a girl the moment. At least that I... No, I know. Because I intentionally shut the fuck up. Because I don't want to say something like that. The thing is, I probably have. I just don't know it.

I've never had a girl call me out on it. I'm sure that I've been in the heat of the moment and said things. That's like too much. I never have because I... I know you're on mute. I will not talk. You're a goddamn mute. It's better.

It's not. It's not. Do you have things that you know didn't go over well? I don't know. But I... i'm saying i just know myself and i know that i'm like a fucking deviant and so like i probably i probably have said some things that are wrong i you could have sex with me if i had a hannibal mask on and it would be the same be the same if i had free will over my jaw. Same thing.

You are one. You're a special guy, Doug. Let's get into our one ATI of the day, and I'm also going to read you this text I got over the weekend. Someone who is playing ATI at a... Answertheinternet.com live right now. Answertheinternet.com is new. It's live. You can buy your copy there from any of the various outlets.

Also has a portal for you to submit your own questions with your name. So if you want to make it into the next expansion pack or on the next video with the comedians, we'll give you credit for your question. And you can be part of the ATI culture. The text I got about Answer the Internet this weekend. We learned one of our friend's husbands is a sub. Okay, not my cup of tea, but fine. And has his wife walk him on a leash i'm not here to kink shame again not for me but okay in all leather that's pretty ridiculous i'm

not gonna do that either at night in central park i'm not gonna kink shame but i'm gonna kink shame i mean that's fucking crazy that's insane I mean, thank God it's 2019. You're not going to get murdered in there anymore, but it's still not a great idea to go to the park at night on a goddamn leash in leather being walked by your wife. It's fucking obscene. But you know what? Like, good for them because, like, they're not making up excuses at night.

They're fucking. He's walking on his hands and knees in the park. That's so ridiculous. Yeah, I mean, but you know what? I love the idea that those two found each other. What if your girl, like she was a dom? Yeah. And she's like, I want to do this.

And you're like. I think that we would just like break up because I don't want to be a sub. So do I. I would probably give it a whirl. I'll give anything a whirl. I don't think I'm going in the park. Yeah, that's just out of laziness. It's not even out of, like, embarrassment.

You're so far away. Logistically speaking, it's kind of cold. It'll hurt my knees. It'll gravel. Like, you know, no thanks. You can walk around the bedroom if you want. You put me in the apartment, make me go to the kitchen. I'll go to the fridge for you on a leash.

Fine. But I think over the long run, we ain't going to last. Because guess what? I want to do that weird shit to you. Let's do our one of the day okay if you got a one-time pass to do whatever you wanted what crime would you commit now i know you're heavy on like the if it was the purge i wouldn't commit crimes but you get a pass you're not gonna go you know You don't have to do anything crazy violent if you don't want to.

You gotta just rob a bank. And not just speaking from the financial implications, it's awesome to rob a bank. If you pulled a Joker bank heist, and yeah, it's like, okay, I know I got away with it because of the magic genie, but whatever, I got away with it. I'd probably go to that bar and just

not tip. That's their crime. That is their crime. If i could get away with one crime i mean like double charge people for tips for the rest of my career it is obvious like yeah you gotta do a bank obviously but then like i probably just go to like kith although i went to kit this weekend see i would go to like a like a fancy like someplace that i don't even necessarily like go to like fucking ferragamo and steal all that or something like that but then i have to sell it yeah that's a pain in the ass like i don't want to sell that's why just straight cash money that's a whole thing cut right to the cash but i'd get free clothes but like i don't know kith is so

kith yeah yeah i mean plastered all over yeah everything is just huge branding i don't care for that um just so steal the money to buy the clothes you do want. Yeah, I guess. I mean, it all goes. I think driving a getaway car in the Brinks truck is awesome. Or maybe I would do some Dan Soder dick justice sort of thing. Maybe I'd go kill Harvey Weinstein. Oh, that'd be pretty cool.

If I was the guy who killed Harvey. Yeah, that'd be. That's going to pay off. Yeah, I mean, show Gets much bigger Big time Like hey It's KFC Radio Featuring the guys

Who murdered Harvey Weinstein If one of us Murdered somebody Hugely successful show We'd probably get TV deals Oh yeah

We'd get like We'd host it And shit We'd be up Like a daytime TV show We'd be big time That's the answer Yeah

Kill Harvey Weinstein Done That's today's episode We'll catch you guys Later this week Look at what you see maybe big time that's the answer yeah kill Harvey Weinstein done that's today's episode we'll catch you guys later this week look at what you see in her face the mirror of your dream

make believe I'm everywhere give it in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story Reach the stars Fly a fantasy. Be what you see, and what you see will be. Fly the kingdom, their secrets will unfold behind the clouds. And there upon a rainbow is the answer to a never-ending story.

Story.