KFC Radio - Palming A Grilled Chicken, Just The Basics, and Lisa Ann Returns

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Feits had himself a morning between the Aaron Hernandez documentary, being triple charged by Netflix, and having a big red flag for breakfast. KFC's reminded that blogging is the quickest way to get in trouble. The year of mental health is off to a hot start! Voicemails include: dating a sugar baby, man cave bedrooms, and life as a blockbuster. Lisa Ann joins us to discuss her retirement from porn, men breaking their penises, and we invite her to party with us in Miami.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Roman. Roman. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. And do you know what the Romans did? They fucked for extended periods of time. Maybe the Romans had Roman swipes.

I feel like it's a new technology, but I don't know. It's like they also could build all that crazy architecture, and I feel like a lot of the Roman stuff is like, well, aliens probably did it. They probably had Dick swipes, too. Who knows?

They definitely could have. You know what they probably did? You know what? It was like they had the Roman swipes. They had the Dick swipes, and then the lighthouse, the Alexandria Library burned down. We lost all that technology. Haven't rediscovered it until now.

I don't know what you're talking about. The Library of Alexandria. You don't know that? No. So there was this library. Where was that library, Brent? Was it Rome? Was it the Roman Empire that had that?

Or was it Alexander the Great? Yeah, that sounds more like it. So Alexander the Great owned like half the fucking world. Like quarters of the world right history time and it was his library and it had like all of you know all of humanity's contributions it had stories and history and technology and information and and knowledge and it burned down so we lost like everything that we had ever fucking learned that seems pretty convenient well yeah i mean who knows it could have been arson i think it's like yeah my library my brain burned down too i just didn't know anything ever so you you think that there was nothing of value even in

there made it up yeah we had a lot of stuff going on for us but my dog ate my homework okay all right fine i can get down with that too i'm just'm just saying that maybe there was a book in the columns there, a little Dewey Decimal, and you go find the Roman swipes. And it's like, yeah, back in the day, the Roman Empire was wiping these swipes on. Fucking. And maybe they were, maybe they weren't. But you should be doing it today. Modern world, you should not have.

I can see the leaves. What are the leaves you break? It's like the aloe. Yeah. Sure. You break that and numb it up? Yeah. Oh, they's like the aloe. Yeah. Like suntan lotion. Sure. They had something like that. You break that and numb it up? Yeah. Oh, they definitely were doing that shit.

Modern world, you shouldn't have any problems. I aspire, the world should aspire to be a place where there's a problem, you fix it. Boom. You have an issue? We can correct that. Spend some money, get it done, fix it. Bingo, bingo. Gone are the days of worrying about popping too early.

Now you can last long in bed with GetRoman.com slash KFC. That's G-E-T-R-O-M-A-N.com slash KFC. When you get a monthly package, you get the swipes for just $5. A Finske, Abraham Lincoln can help you last longer in bed. GetRoman.com slash KFC. you need this uh because you're not gonna have any money left because you just keep giving all your money to netflix bro first of all what's a Finske? I guess, like, what does Finske come from? I mean,

if the library didn't burn down, we would know. I've heard Finske before, and this is my first time hearing it again, and now I'm curious of the origin. Finske meaning a $5 bill noted in the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off in where they are parking the Ferrari

in the garage, and he gives the guy Off in where they are parking the Ferrari in the garage and he gives the guy a five dollar bill he then remarks to Cameron don't worry about it I gave the guy a Finsky there's no way that was the first time well so says urban dictionary which we know is gospel the um but yes okay all right well let's just do I I'm having quite a day right now yeah you are on the phone that's how I know it's the real deal. You were talking on the phone. Yeah, we can get into that too if you want. That's a whole different bag of tricks.

But Netflix has been charging me three times a month for I don't know how long. Three times a month for your – I don't look at bank statements. If you don't look at bank statements, then you can never run out of money. It's like anything. It's like stds it's like all of it if i don't get a dui in the daytime i just don't look at it and i'm good can't get pregnant in a hot tub and today i was wondering if like i i you know how this company goes i i didn't know like i'm my my i'm supposed to make more money now yeah i was just checking like do i make more You know how this company goes. I didn't know. I'm supposed to make more money now.

So I was just checking, like, do I make more money now? Oh, shit. And I do. But in that. Oh, I got to check, too. I was like, oh, why do I have three Netflix charges in a row as I was looking to see the direct deposit? And it was like a $15.99, a $15.99, and a $12.99. Bro, you're getting hit for upwards of $50 a month. Really?

No. $15 plus $15 plus $12? That's not $50. I said upwards of $50. $42. That's below $50. It's $16, $16, and $12? $16, $16, and $13.

There's no way that's $15. Yeah, I mean it's $49. Not upwards. $40, $40, $40, $16, $32, plus what, another $13 you said? $13. Yeah, I mean, it's 49. Not upwards. 40, 40, 40, 16, 32, plus another 13, you said? Yeah, 45. Oh, below 50. Yeah. Upwards of 40.

Upwards of, that means above 40 and not 50. No, upwards of 50 means above 50. No, it doesn't. I mean, this is an absolute, this is crazy town. Upwards of $50. Upwards of 50 could possibly mean below 50? Yeah, upwards. I have no argument other than to repeat the word upwards. Upwards of $50. Upwards of $50 could possibly mean below $50? Yeah. Upwards.

I have no argument other than to repeat the word upwards. That's all I hope. I always took it to mean around. Like we're getting towards $50. Or up towards $50. I've been using that wrong my whole life. In excess of. I've been using that wrong my whole life.

I've always been saying, like, if you're approaching a number, like, we're getting up there. Like, we're getting up towards 50. We're getting up towards 100. I've been saying that wrong my whole life. No one's ever called me on it. That's why I was like, no, that's not right. No one has ever been like, you're using that wrong. He's probably just been like, he doesn't know.

I don't know. I couldn't believe that anyone would do that. I never call people on things and I was still like well what's he talking about? I was using it like basically upwards towards 50.

We're getting close to. But the I mean the whole thing I don't know. I'm just I'm just like I'm pretty sure I'm just never

going to fix that. That's a lot by the way. I thought Netflix was like $8.99. I didn't know it was $15.99. I didn't know they could charge you

three times. They just get you when you're logging in and you're you're horny for that's because you've never paid for it yeah correct and it's just like i actually just so you know it goes up this month and you're all right let me just get to fucking the show okay fine you said okay you don't even read it oh i don't need yeah that they'll actually tell you i think it'll pop up like in the next month it'll go up whatever don't care never ever and like the next month we're gonna start charging three times all right no but that i mean that can't like you you've had to have signed up with

like different but i have i also i lose my credit card all the time i definitely have like re-put in my credit card information within the last six months did you did you try to rectify this not yet i'm gonna get around to it but probably not well because because our guys see it over uh dan patrick show was like oh this happened to me it took months to fix guess what what does that mean i mean that means that means it never is gonna get like months to fix months of phone calls like to fix you just charge me multiple times i did this with venmo like uh my venmo account suspended i tried like once nobody's helping me it's in god's hands now i just don't have that one anymore my stock x got suspended i've tried a couple times nobody's replying to me i don't

have stock x anymore it's just that's it it's it's crazy the it's like i i noticed it first in myself in high school in college when i would have to drive to the gym and i'd be like it'd start raining well can't do this anymore. And I'd go back home. And it is crazy. The littlest impediment is... That's it. Write it off. If there is one ounce of pushback in anything in my life, like if I have plans and it's like,

well, you missed the train and now it's like, you're going to be like a half hour. No, never mind. Done. Done. I'm out. You can't swim anymore. Oh, it's raining you missed the train and now it's like you give me like a half hour. No, never mind. Done. Done. I'm out. It's raining. Can't do it.

Dude, I guess we can tie this into the other reason I'm on the phone is we said 2020 year of mental health. Yep. I emailed my therapist. Back to the therapist. You called him. That was on the phone. Yeah.

Nice. And guess what? They put my email address in wrong. So they call back. And when they call back, I almost went, fuck it. Never mind. I was this close. You know what?

It's not working for me. Like, it was, I mean, this close. It was like, hi, John. Emma again. And I was like, Emma, don't ever call me again. You bitch. This is done. This is done. And you and i are done professionally the funniest

thing about it too is like i called this morning left a voicemail and um immediately got a text hi it's emma which i assumed just was like like an erica at bank of america yeah it's like i'm erica i'm here to help you but it was a real person um but it was like and she sent like four texts like hi john it's emma wondering how i can help yeah hi john's emma as i was ignoring because it was an automated machine i'm like i was waiting for someone to call me back and it was pretty sure i was about to kill myself non-stop listen emma you text me one more time i'm gonna fucking kill myself okay how can i help you stop fucking texting me that's how you can just call me back first step don't this isn't

this isn't an emergency it's's just 2020 is your mental health. Chaps had the blog last night about him going back to get treated for depression. I was like, you know what? It's time to get back on the horse. And I decided to do it. But it was the same thing where it was like there's one little thing in my way right now. And I'm about to write the whole bitch off. My therapist won't email me back.

I don't know what that means. I don't know if that means it. Like, now I'm just putting myself in his shoes. You know, some people come into therapy and they're probably like, you know, some people got problems and some people got problems, you know. So you go in there and you're like, you know, like, I didn't have a great relationship with my dad. My parents are tough on me. It's like, okay, let's talk to your problems. And then I come in and I'm like, let's open up this bag of tricks.

And I could see him being like, I don't want to deal with that. That's a heavy duty hour we got to get into. Like, I'll email that guy. Oh, whoops, we're booked. We're all full. Sorry, pal. This guy doesn't even want to approach my shit. When I was talking to Emma, she was like, so what's wrong?

I was like, the basics. And she's like, what the hits? You literally said the basics? She goes, what does that mean? I was like, I mean, depression and anxiety, obviously. But she's like, yeah, we? You literally said the basics? She goes, what does that mean? I was like, I mean, depression and anxiety, obviously. But she's like, yeah, we don't really call them basics around here. Those are legitimate mental health issues. Like, what's wrong with your leg?

The basics. It's shattered. You know, regular shit. Completely broken. Jumped off a roof and it's in pieces. Wait, what's up? The basics. I'm not going to gonna die it's just the

basic the basics the basics to a person who takes mental health extremely seriously suicidal thoughts i was like yeah but not the real ones Emma was flabbergasted I was over here laughing I love it because you know what First of all that's just so fucking funny That's so fucking funny But I just love the idea Of these people who do take it so seriously

And they are by the book And you're coming in and you're taking it seriously enough That you're like I want to do this But I'm still going to bring my sense of humor around It's not the end of the world. We're all going to get through this. Yeah, I think about it sometimes. But it's just a joke.

Every single day. If you don't think about suicide every single day, there's something wrong with you. When you say you think about it, what does that mean? Because I thought about this the other day. I think I had my first suicidal thoughts the other day. Do you people not have them every day? Like my real one. Every single day, I think I'll do this.

No, no, no. Like, oh, I look at a building. I'm like, if I jumped on that, I'd die. Oh, I look at a window, and I'm like, I'll just spot it. Jump right out. Yeah, of course. I'm jaywalking. I'm like, what if that car hit me and I died?

All that kind of shit. But I had my first. Not what if it hit me. What if I jumped in front of it? Right, right, right. Yeah, what if I intentionally did that? Well, yeah, I mean, I have all that, all those thoughts all the time. Like, train was just by. I'm like, boy, Min right. Yeah, what if I intentionally did that? Well, yeah, I'm going to have all those thoughts all the time. Like, train whizzes by.

I'm like, boy, Minahan. Yeah. He was really about to do it, you know? But I had my first real, like, if I killed myself, what would happen? What would the fallout be? The people and all that shit. I started thinking about, like, the actual results of me killing myself. Yeah, that's what stops you.

Yeah, right, right. I'm mobbing past. Do you have suicidal thoughts in the sense of you think how you would do it? Oh, yeah, of course. How would you do it? Put a gun. And that's why I can't have ever gone. Yeah, but also it's hard to get a gun.

It's not hard to get a gun It's not hard to get a gun I mean You talk about Having one fucking step Of impediment Stopping you True A gun would stop you That probably is what does it

Right That's why You know how they say Like you're much more likely To get killed With your own gun Yeah Yeah I know

Because it's right fucking there And I'd pull the trigger Yeah It wouldn't be like Someone broke into my house And got it It would be Yeah

If you had a gun around you You'd be like Fucking Fucking into my house and got it. It would be, yeah. If you had a gun around you, you'd be like, fucking Netflix is double- Boom! Dead. That is the impediment is me not having a gun. Right. That's the one thing where it's like, well, if I had a bad day, I had a gun, I was in the house, probably going to use that bitch.

That is definitely what would happen. Yeah. I mean, if I had a gun. Most showers in the morning are like, plan your outfit. Or if we had a gun, we'd just kill ourselves. I think if I had a gun, I'd kill other people. Like that neighbor, the parking guy. If I had a gun in my waist in that moment and he was banging on my window and shit,

pow, you're fucking dead. Because I had a gun. We should all have guns. 2A. That is the reason I am a... I think we should not have guns. Because if we are allowed to have guns, I'm going to use them. I will use them on me.

But, yeah. So anyway, Netflix charges me. I mean, your therapist is going to have a ball, man. Your therapist is going to be like, take this seriously. I am. I fucking am. This is how I do it. This is how.

This is me serious. Killing yourself. All this suicide is killing me. I do have a bone to pick with people. Oh, you want to pick a bone? Yeah, I got a bone to pick for people. Oh, you want to pick a bone? Yeah, I got a bone to pick for people. Pick a bone for most people. Don't know what they're doing.

Oh! What happened? Look who's back in the fucking business. Hey, Christy Mac! Hey, Christy Mac! That's why we don't kill ourselves this morning! That's a reason to not kill yourself. You never know when your favorite porn star might like your tweet.

What's up, girl? She knows she's not bad. What was the tweet? It was the Netflix one. Oh, the Netflix one. Not even like the blowjob one. No, no. That probably got me back on her radar.

Yeah, and now she's just fucking. It's 200 followers, by the way. It's how many people she follows. We actually told that story on radio So maybe people don't know it Go back on Barstool, I posted it probably last week Check out the Christy Mack blowjob story That was quite a tale

It's a non-blowjob story Christy Mack attempted blowjob story Listen You got a bunch of clutter in your apartment That's another thing that makes people depressed You got a mess When you have a mess in your apartment It's's cluttered. You can't move. You can't live. You don't have enough money. These are the problems that LetGo can solve. They can

make your apartment more comfortable. They can make your bank account fatter. And they can do it all with the ease of just a couple clicks because LetGo is the biggest and fastest growing online marketplace where people can buy and sell each other's goods. So if you're moving in and you want to buy a bed, maybe from that homeless guy. How much for that bed, bro? I saw him yesterday on the street. I'll give you a couple of Finskys for that bed. He was laying on the street, laying on his bed, I should say.

Pants unbuttoned, just not looking great. And I was just like, John, this is your enemy. And he was like, look at him. Look at him. He's like so relaxed. He's just so happy. He's living the life, and he refuses to stop flaunting it at me. Unbelievable.

This guy. But he's got some stuff. He can let go of some things if you want to. Yeah, he's got a whole apartment. He's got the roof and walls. He's got French accordion walls. Motherfucker's dreaming. The drip guy over here.

So if you want to buy some stuff from your neighborhood, your neighbors, you want to sell some stuff, LetGo is the best way to do it. It could be furniture, clothes, toys, gadgets, anything that can clutter your place up that you're not using anymore or that you know you can get some money for. LetGo is the best place to do it. So head over to LetGo now and start moving your stuff and making that money. We got Lisa Ann on the program later today talking about her third retirement. She is the Brett Favre of porn amongst other things. I mean, we talked about her infamous finger in the butt gif advertisement and

a pretty good combo with one of the queens of porn. That's right. I forgot. I was thinking the lifeguard thing because we did that last time. No, we did the butt thing last time because we didn't know if we could ask about that kind of stuff right that there's a d anybody who's ever been on pornhub if you've ever seen the gif uh at the bottom it's like a banner ad of her getting a massage and her head popping up when she gets a finger in the butt there's a backstory to

that it's quite riveting yeah not quite intent no not good not good at all good story great story bad you know bad for her yeah but kind of good for her because it's like the most well-known. Bad story and well-told. Well-told. Also, just kind of like unintended consequences. You know, it was like, yeah, it was bad at the time, but also you got exposure on the banner every single day for the rest of your life. So, give that a listen.

What do you got a bone to pick with the humans? Well, it's actually, speaking of bad stories, well-told, this is the exact opposite of this. I woke up this morning crazy early. Don't know why. Really pissed me off. Woke up this morning, palmed a grilled chicken. You know how you do that. I woke up this morning at 6 a.m.

What the fuck does palmed a grilled chicken mean? Couldn't fall asleep. Does that mean like jerking off or something? No, I just literally went into my fridge. Is that a euphemism? I got a grilled chicken out and just walked around my apartment eating a cold grilled chicken in my underwear. Call Emma right now. Call your therapist right now.

This is now an intervention. Jesus Christ. Call your therapist. I'm going to tell you something. From now on, our new code is pomegranate chicken. If you're really down and out, like, hey on, our new like code is pomegranate chicken. If you're really down and out, like, Hey man,

how you doing? Pomegranate chicken. That means we're at like one minute to midnight. That means like we are, we are in catastrophe mode. You're naked, eating grilled chicken out of your fucking hands. Cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, Cold grilled chicken I was just like What the fuck am I gonna do now Oh my god You are despicable So I watched the The Aaron Hernandez New Netflix documentary I forget exactly what it's called But something

Oh let's be honest That's called The Aaron Hernandez Netflix documentary I think it's called Mind of a Killer I would legitimately If I made a documentary right now

I would call it The blah blah blah Netflix documentary That should be called The Aaron Hernandez Netflix documentary Yeah yeah yeah That's what people are gonna call it the blah, blah, blah Netflix documentary. That should be called the Aaron Hernandez Netflix documentary. That's what people are going to call it. But I watched it because

I don't really care for documentaries. That's been pretty well established here. And I watched it and it's not good. It's and maybe... People are excited for it too. It's disappointing to hear. Take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm not saying don't go watch it. I don't really care for documentaries, so that's one.

Two, I was pretty heavily invested in this case. We were covering it pretty highly. So there's really not much for me to be like, whoa. Well, that's also the problem, too, is that you know the ins and outs. You're probably like, that's incorrect. Nope, that didn't happen. Not even incorrect. What about this guy?

I knew that. Yeah, I got that. A lot of the general public are going to be surprised by some of the stuff, I'd imagine. But for me, it felt like someone called up Netflix and was like, yo, Aaron Haynes documentary. And Netflix was like, definitely. And the person on the other end of the phone was like, shit, I got to think about what I'm going to do with this Aaron Haynes Netflix documentary. And it seemed like they had maybe grand ideas that just – it seemed like there's no thesis to it. There's no reveal. There's no like, well well you guys didn't know about this you didn't think about which is usually the point of those documentaries is like to you know here's there's

usually i feel like documentaries are built upon one thing they started with like but people don't know that like the gun was never found or something like that and then they build the documentary out from there this one's built around this guy's name is aaron right and and then it's like obviously because he's he was messed up in drug gangs and stuff like that like people don't want to talk on record so everyone on record is like a childhood friend or a patriot who kind of played with him and it's all like speculation without imagine if like tom brady was just in this. Yeah, that would be great. I gotta get somebody of note. Like, people with, like, no psychiatry background being like, well, when his dad died when he was 15, that was bad.

That was it. It's like, who knows? He fucking hated his dad. You don't know shit. Yeah, it's like, him and his dad had, like, his dad was abusive. Like, they had a regular relationship, I guess like His dad was abusive Like they had A regular relationship I guess Right His dad snapped sometimes

I mean his dad to an extent But like It was a pretty regular Childhood And everything It just felt like They were like Ah

Like Netflix called up And like hey That documentary drops In three weeks It's like Ah son of a bitch That's right Like

They started throwing Shit at the wall We were watching The speeches from Dave Chappelle's Mark Twain Humor Award presentation, and Neil Brennan gave a speech talking about half-baked. Dave Chappelle was like, if Universal Pictures calls you, tell them we're working on a weed movie.

So Universal calls him up, and Neil's like, yes, I'm working on a weed movie, and it'll be ready in 30 days' time. And then he pauses, and he's like, so 29 days later, I call up Dave Chappelle and say, we've got to do something about this movie, man. And Dave Chappelle goes, what movie? Because he had forgotten he told them that they were going to tell Universal they were making money. It's a fucking great moment. The whole speech is great, but that moment had me rolling. But same thing.

It's just like, oh, yeah, shit, we've got to make this. But anyway, so I took to Twitter, and i opined as folks do and i said take this with a grain of salt but i am not this documentary stinks it seems like no one has a field area of expertise blah blah blah exactly what i just said and you documentary assholes were like what are you trying to say he's innocent you're defending a murderer right now oh that's not documentary people no because documentary people think it's real so then they're like oh like all so it's just for entertainment yeah yeah that's what this was made for it's made for entertaining it is failing in that sense that's all i'm saying on

this but that's why i don't get like you you're smart enough to know what the documentaries are so why don't you just watch them knowing that like through that lens of just it's entertainment that's what i that's what i do when i watch it but But I don't know. I just don't really care to watch it because it almost feels like I know. I know you're trying to trick me. I was going to say you feel like you're getting tricked. So I'm not going to watch it and give you that opportunity.

Right. But as long as you know that, as long as you can say, I'm all about that Scott Peterson thing, and I'm like, I'm sure there's pieces of evidence they're leaving out. I'm sure there's parts of the story I don't know. Whatever.

I won't allow myself to be brainwashed. It's like going to church. Like, I know you're lying. Yeah. Well, why am I going to come in here and let you – I'll be like, oh, that sounds pretty good. Yeah, we got to – I like that part. We got to break the whole idea that like – I feel like people are like, you know, I feel like I got to go to church or something like that.

It's like, no, it's like the last thing you should be doing. Like, you know, if you go through like a rough patch, people will be like, I'm going to go to church. It's like, no, that's where you're going to like lose your brain even more. Yeah, you get brainwashed. Yeah, like stay away from that. It's like, no, it's like the last thing you should be doing. Like, you know, if you go through like a rough patch, people will be like, I'm going to go to church. It's like, no, that's where you're going to like lose your brain even more. Yeah, you get brain loss. Yeah, like stay away from that. When the going gets tough, definitely get away from church. Yeah, a cocoon more into yourself. Hey, that is where health resides. Yes, yes, look deep.

Look deep within to the cockles of your heart. That's where they'll tell you what to do. Not fucking that priest up there. Get out of here. Get out of here, you liars. Fucking assholes. We went extensively with that with the History of Hyena Boys.

They know what's up. And, like, I mean, Christy was definitely molested. Yeah. Like, no doubt Christy Stefano was molested by a priest. Blacked it out, but it happened. I guess I will give credit to the Iron Hand in a single one thing. I thought it was just, like, rumors that he was gay. I didn't realize he was straight-up gay.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. And that is... And that's usually where, like, they, you know, guys who are from the streets, who are supposed to be tough, get tormented. I mean, like, and credit to this guy, like, his high school boyfriend was on. Like, yeah, we used to experiment with each other, and we liked each other for a long time.

Interesting. And it was his quarterback in high school. Wow. They had a connection. Yeah. Boy, these guys got some chemistry. These boys are out here killing it. Well, it's because they're butt-fucking in the locker room.

He killed himself, or was that suspicious? He has not killed himself. It was straight suicide? Yeah. Crazy. It is crazy. I just heard something. That's why I still will watch it.

It's just like I want to know it all. And even if it's skewed or even if some of it I already knew, that is still one of the greatest. It's a poor choice of words there, but it's like the greatest saga you know what I mean the best team the best guy with the biggest promise like boys with Brady and like I guess if you look at it like that not only kill people but then kill themselves like it's like Jesus

if I gave whoever made this too much credit where I would be like it's disjointed and crazy and doesn't really follow or make sense and there's no thesis it's just kind of like maybe this is what did it there are a lot of things where it's like maybe this is what did it where it's like you know being gay having a bad relationship cte it's like you just keep saying like things and i guess if you put all those things together then yes that probably i guess it's what you said it's called the mind of a killer yeah so you know it's kind

of like these are all the things this is everything going on with him that could have made me do it. Yeah, he had a fucked up life. It is weird because they do have also the phone calls from prison. And it's like he didn't progress. Really? He's laughing. He's like, I can't wait to get out of here. It's like he didn't realize. It's like you've got a kid who didn't realize he did something wrong.

John, this sounds fascinating. I know. I really want to watch it now. It's like, maybe I was just like, I was, I don't know, not in a good mood because I was palm and chicken. But, like, it wasn't, it was like, the phone calls are interesting. That's the one part I will give it. The fact that it wasn't well put together is what bothered me the most. And, again, that I knew most of it.

But, like, he just doesn't get that he's not getting out of jail. He just does not register. I wonder if that's like a – It's almost like Brendan Dacey-esque. Yeah. He's like, I can't wait to get out of here. But he was – you know, both those guys are dummies. Like, he was probably dumb as a box of rocks at Hernandez, you know?

He's like – there's one phone call with his agent where the agent – like, they're just busting balls with each other. His agent's like, I'm trying to get you out of here, but I'm still selling deals for you out here. It's tough for me to get a Nike to put a swoosh on an orange jumpsuit, though. And Hernandez is like, see if you can get me a Smith & Wesson deal. Hey, you know, got to make lemonade here. Let's make some lemonade.

They just did not understand what was happening. When you talked about when they did Hernandez-ing, what did they say about that? Because I forgot about that. You remember that meme? Because we got taken out in cuffs with his shirt on. It's like the sleeves were out and his hands were behind his back. They handcuffed him when he was shirtless. They put a shirt on him.

But why not just fucking put a shirt on him before? Yeah. Maybe you want him to give hands. I guess if he's a killer and a big guy, you got to just like – Yeah. But I would guess – If you have a gun, put your shirt on. But yeah, that was the part that bothered me where it was so disjointed where he'd been arrested.

We'd already discussed that arrest. We've already seen video of that coming out. It's maybe an episode later, and he's – I forget if he's in court or if he's in prison already fighting people. And it's like – and then the media frenzy of hernandez thing that was a half hour ago what are you talking why are we on this now well it might just be a uh poorly made documentary but i still think it's a very word the story is crazy yeah and i just thought it was people did say right away like watch warrior listen to warrior or gladiator which was the boston globe like spotlight piece on it.

Right. I was just going to say, there's probably going to be more about this, and there already is, so it's definitely a topic worth it. It's just a matter of doing it right. And you are, I mean, we're probably watering down the documentaries. I feel like documentaries used to be, all of them were very good, and now it's like, take any topic

and kind of run with it. But the people not getting it for entertainment is what bothers me. Yeah, yeah. People think it's awful. How are you defending a murder? I'm not defending a fucking murder. Well, that makes no sense. That's not even what the documentary's trying to do.

No one's trying to do it. Everyone knows Aaron Hernandez killed people. An innocent killer. Yeah, it's not that. I think that, I mean, it just goes to show it's why you should, when we're talking to Jim Gaffaffigan and he was talking about like sometimes you gotta like flex and let people know the deal like if you say shit people will believe you you know what i mean yeah like if you the the most success kanye walks around like just spouting

about himself and people like buy into it and then perception becomes reality like whether or not you can back it up doesn't even matter people say it enough you say conviction conviction with enough conviction and people buy into it, it becomes reality. So we should just start making documentaries. Fuck it. The first one is called Palm and the Grilled Chicken. One day when there is a documentary about you, that's where we're going to start. And then it's going to be like four years earlier.

How did we get here? Let's rewind time. How did a man, this happy young man, how did he end up standing in front of his fridge in his underwear? Palm and grilled chicken. The making of a madman. You know that, bitch. Get my feet in it. Put those tootsies up.

All right, voicemail time. And then we'll get into Lisa Ann. First up, voicemail is brought to you by MVMT. Movement watches. Movement sunglasses. Movement accessories. Movement lifestyle. If you are not living the movement life, you ain't trying, you ain't living, you ain't stylish, you're spending too much money.

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The next thing you know, it's the difference between being a slob and having a nice fit. So you can join the movement right now. Watch it starting at just $95, like I said. Usually these would be $400, $500 uh but under a hundo just i mean how many finske's is that how many finske's in 95 20 19 19 19 is it though yeah no yeah it is no i feel like if we go along with it we could convince john a mathematical anything mathematical it's like no no, dude.

It's fucking 17. It's fucking upwards of 18. Go to MVMT.com slash KFC. Free shipping and free returns. You get 15% off on top of it all. MVMT.com slash KFC. 15% off on your watches, your shades, free shipping, and free returns. I think the Aaron Hernandez might be a good documentary.

He talked himself into it. Remember what we said yesterday on Barstool Gold where you have to make them explain to you why it's not good. And I was like, that's a lot of interesting stuff I'd like to talk about. It was like, what I just did to myself

was what I told that girl on Barstool Gold to do to her fat friend. Have her explain why her dating profile is good. Have me explain why Aaron is not good and is bad. That sounded pretty fucking good. Get inside the mind of a man trapped as a child who had

a terrible upbringing and he's hiding his homosexual tendencies. Even better, he had a good upbringing. How did he get here? But he had his homosexual tendencies while he played a superstar athlete career. This shit sucks. But all those things I knew. I didn't like the childhood friends.

That bothered me. I can see that too. Why are you speaking on the show? You haven't talked to me in 10 years. I feel like the people who are on documentaries, especially now, you always got to be like, what's your motivation? Why are you? You just want to be famous.

You just want to be part of this. Maybe you got paid. Whatever. Maybe. Go to barcelogold.com slash KFC. We got a new episode of the Cutting Room Floor Out where we did break down an ugly girl who was catfishing people with her dating profile, which I think is probably a pretty common situation. And I think we had a very good discussion on that. Also, if you're watching on Gold, you can see John's got

the black Viva hoodie on. I'm wearing the blue quilted. All Viva items have been restocked so you can go to the Barstool Sports store and get your gear. The red hoodie, the blue hoodie, and the black hoodie are our best sellers right now. So go to the Barstool Sports store along with BarstoolGold.com slash KFC.

So KFC fights and we're going to go with pretty goodogold.com slash KFC. So KFC fights, and we're going to go with pretty good producer Nick. I've got a question for you. I know you guys have talked about dating strippers before, but I have a question along those lines, and I was wondering what is your take on dating a girl that has a sugar daddy. When you're going into it, she already has a sugar daddy.

I don't think they hook up. I'm not 100% positive. I think that that kind of determines my answer, but I kind of want your guys' take on it. My other question is, if I'm cool and I'm dating her and she's got a sugar daddy,

do I just say, give me $100 a month and you can go out to eat with them or whatever? As long as you don't fuck him, I don't care. But like, I also want the money. Or do I just like, not give a fuck at all? Uh, diva. I mean, you could think of this as one of two ways. You could think of it as a progressive way of thinking. Or you could think it's probably a little ridiculous to be dating a girl who's just basically fucking an old dude.

I don't think there's much fucking. I think it's a platonic relationship. In general, or this specific one, or what? If she says platonic, I believe her. Oh, yeah, sure. Why tell half-truths? So you can have your cake and eat it, too. Well, you're not getting your cake by cake and eat it too well you're getting your

cake by getting your cake fucking smashed you're getting your money but you can get your like just lie that just don't tell them at all like because then they use what you're doing well but that but that might be a harder lie to like navigate you know what i mean like you still have to go out to dinners with him you still have to talk to him you still have to you know if you can be like that's just my sugar daddy you know who's texting you where'd you go i i had to, you know, if you can be like, that's just my sugar daddy. You know, who's texting you? Where'd you go? I had to go, you know, see my sugar daddy to talk to him. And then you just say, I mean, that's like a classic, you know, like, oh, no, we didn't, we don't, we don't hook up. I don't, I don't know.

I, I, because there are sugar babies out there who probably will do that. I have faith in the sugar baby community. Every sugar baby says that they don't fuck. And I try, I believe them. I want to hear yourself talk out loud again lay that back i'm i have faith in the sugar baby community all of them say they don't i believe them i get it because look prostitutes forever have said like it's not even about sex it's they just need someone to be like while they fuck yeah but i think we we eliminate the middleman because guess what people don't really like fucking sex anyway so like that that's just you people like sex it literally

motivates the entire world to get up in the morning maybe i'll make something to myself so somebody will fuck me i think it's i think i think just because you would have a sugar baby where you just talk and shit an An involved society where sex is unnecessary. We're realizing it's just. No, what we should have is an involved society where we realize that sex is like kind of whatever. So maybe you should be able to date it. Like maybe you should get over the fact that this sugar baby gets fucked out. You know, she gets banged out by this whole guy and it's okay.

That's not okay. That would not be okay with me. But we should. But you know what? Kind of should. I don't care. You know, like if, you know, fine i don't care you know it like like if you know why what upsets you about it what does it mean about someone else fucking yeah someone i'm nervous to with yeah like just the physical act or like the idea of

like they're they're doing it without you know what i mean because like it if there's emotion attached and that's what upsets you i can understand that emotion if there's emotion attached, then that's what upsets you. I can understand that. Emotion would probably be the leader there. Yeah, so, like, if she just has, like, I don't care about this guy. I don't enjoy it. I don't like it. I just get paid. It lets me, like, live my lifestyle. I love you.

I'm with you. I like to fuck you. Like, it's better with you. All that shit. I'm with you. I would be upset, too. But I just, like, theoretically, you shouldn't be. Theoretically, I shouldn't be.

Yeah. Theories don't fly in this room but that's why we don't fly in this. That's why I'm saying this guy maybe is more evolved. It's like, there's a couple who calls into Barstool radio all the time. They're swingers. And it's just like, it's fucking wild that like, he just watches you blow that guy at the party. And I think, I think it's, but they're, they're so fucking happy. So it's just like, I'm like, maybe, maybe they're crazy or maybe they're more evolved.

They're perfect. Right. But maybe they're, I think we're all going to be perverts one day. I don't think so. You don't think so? I may refuse. I think we're moving more towards that than the other direction. Probably.

I wouldn't do that. I would not enjoy watching. But the fact that there's even like sugar – yeah, maybe swingers, but not so much. But the fact that there's like a whole sugar baby community now. I feel like it used to be – Yeah, but not so much. But the fact that there's a whole sugar baby community now. I feel like if I used to be. Yeah, okay. Next question. I think it's.

But I would be fine going to dinner. I think so many things in life boil down to a stupid ATI question. And this is like, would you rather fuck the girl or would you rather have everyone think you fucking girl i'd rather be a dude with everyone in the restaurant being like holy shit they're together rather than actually fucking you in a hotel room yeah no that's fair there are i would pay for that right there are probably guys who do that i just think that there are probably far more who want to fuck and pay for that who wants wants to exercise? You don't have to. You could just sit there. It's not exercise. It's a whole thing.

There's so many... I know I'm better at talking than I am at fucking. Let's do this instead. This is where I thrive. At a bar, just talking to you. That's why bread and butter. I'll fucking knock that out of the park. I'll make you come intellectually, girl. You know what I would do? If I was a sugar daddy i would be i'd pay you but we just do

dinners we just do dinners and i guess just laugh it up guess what by the end of six months you'll be like look can i pay to fuck you i'm like ah the teacher the pupil becomes the student that's what i'm gonna start doing I'm gonna be a sugar daddy Who pays girls To come to dinner with me And then Soon I'll be a male prostitute You'll be

The sugar daddy Jiggle And guess what I can charge so much money Cause they're like This guy's intoxicating But you're just gonna break even And then

You're just gonna cover the cost Of all your initial dates I still have that confidence boost Maybe one day I have real confidence And it's like I would be able to I would be able to, I would be able to get you

and I'd be like, fine. No, I guess what? I'll go up and sell you. I'll upsell you. I'll be like, oh, you want to fuck me? 10 grand. Because I know after that one time,

you're out. Be like, what did you, what have I been paying you? A dollar more than that. As long as I make my money back and then some, I'm good. I think this is a genius business plan for me. So you are going to turn Sugar Babies

into Johns. Yeah. Okay. Eventually, we'll be like, all right. Look, dude. I was there all the time. Taylor was all the time. I fell in love with my sugar daddy.

You're so incredibly charismatic here, and you refuse to let me fuck you. For a price, I will. Flip the game on the head yo I have a question I have so many good ideas I have a question by the way you do you're an ideas man

I don't know if that's one of your better ones but it's definitely one of your funnier ones uncut gems yes I remember being a little confused

in that movie one thing there was a time in that movie early on, halfway through, where I really felt like Sandler and the love of my life, Julia Fox, were like, she was like a sugar baby kind of taking advantage of him. And then by the end, it was like she loved him so much. Remember when he comes home and there's a party and she's in bed with the other girl and she's like you know you know you know just get in bed shut up like i felt like i was like oh this is like the old guy who's like paying for the hot girl right she you know 100 and i was like oh like you know it's really sad he's got you know this girl doesn't even love him marriage falling

apart gambling addict but then by the end it was like tattoos and i love you so much i'll do anything for you i'll die for you. I remember just being like, I got over it real quick. I was just like, okay, never mind. They love each other. But I thought one scene was very much like this is a pathetic, sad sugar daddy situation. And the other one was like true love. Kevin, let me tell you about toxic relationships. Well, part of me was saying maybe that's what happened, though.

Maybe she fell in love with him And wanted to fuck him Like per you I think she liked the gravy train And was like I'll get a tattoo on my ass I don't give a fuck Yeah so you think that was Like the whole

Like I love you so much Is not real I would Yes that's not real I would think you are You're more right than wrong In the beginning With the initial

But by the end They wanted you to feel the other way Or you think that the point Is that it was That's not real By the end He was about to make a lot of money.

Jesse's back. We're in love with you. I'll do whatever you want. I'll take the private jet or the blade to Mohegan Sun. I think that was... Yeah, I think Uranus was... She's so fucking hot.

I mean, that ass. It's like a Halley type of obsession for me. I love her. Yeah, that ass doesn't quit, man. You know what? She a white girl? She just white? I think so.

White women with ass. A new phenomenon. Evolution continues. Next up. Yo, what's up, guys? Got a question for you i know y'all recently talked about uh decorating apartments for guys in their early to mid 20s um i'm 26 just recently started making a little bit and was able to decorate my living room. But I've got a lot of old sports stuff

that I kind of want to put up in my bedroom. At 26 years old, can I make my living room classy and kind of bro out my bedroom? Does that pass? Thanks, guys. How old is he? 26. 26.

Can he bro out his bedroom? Yeah. Yeah? 26. I think it's less about balance, right? Like, you can't just have it all, sports stuff. Yeah, and so by bro out, we're talking like, you know. I think of your two favorite things.

Like sports memorabilia and like man cave-ish. I guess you could do whatever. What does like bro out mean? Yeah, like, are you like, what is it? Just hanging a Manny Ramirez poster? No, you can't do that. Yeah, that's stupid. But like, you know, I remember when I first was old enough, I had an apartment and I was like looking to furnish it and shit every place i

looked had like that it's like in the in sharper image of brookstone has that globe yeah the globe like bar thing like i think of that as like bro then there's not gonna be you know it's like something that you think looks good but it's actually tacky as fuck you know it sucks i have a real one a real globe thing like that yeah and it's like you'll cool it's like it's like like uh engraved with like it's not it's like my great-grandfather you should just do that fuck it like don't i would have a sign above it yeah real actual globe not the bar thing yeah yeah yeah that's what i kind of think of as bro is like you know you'll you'll have like maybe the cliche type of things, you know?

But if we're talking, like, man cave, like, hang your sports posters and your, like, hot girls and shit, 26 is probably a little too old. Too old. It's too old and too young. It's both. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because I think once you're, like...

When you're, like, 60, you can do it. When you're 50, you can have a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, my dad has that in my garage. Right, right. That's true. This is my sports room. It's basically

in between when you're like I gotta like you're trying to find a wife you're trying to have a respectable life you still have yeah when you're pretending

to be something you're not right yeah you're at that stage I think you can have like you get two things right get two three things maybe

invent a backstory to them this is me and my dad had a great day at the game so you can like justify even if it's not the best yeah we got this fucking Roger Clemens autograph ball. It was so cool.

He threw it to me. We had a great day. It's a nice memory. It's not like, I love the Red Sox. Right, right. This is a nice memory with my family that centers around the Red Sox. Fucking like Carabas with bed sheets or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's fair. I think – so you say two things, three things? A couple things. A couple things, yeah. two things, three things? A couple things. Yeah, right. Everything. My room, zero things. But here's the thing. Your room, maybe a few things.

Like even if we have to have this discussion, just don't do it at all. Like what do you really care? Right. Like to me it's like unless that really – that ball like brings you – like you look at it and you remember something and you like – it's a reminder to live your life a certain way every day. Otherwise, it's like you're just doing this for decorations. And if you think it might hurt you with women and work or whatever, then just don't do it at all. It's not worth the risk. It's just like go with a generic –

But also, what if you bring a girl home? Red Sox die hard. You guys kindred spirits. Yeah. So you have to do a little something. Like, oh my god. Is this a Pedro Martinez autograph? Right.

I mean that's probably a pretty slim chance. Probably pretty slim. I don't know. Where does this kid live? Yeah, he's doing it like in fucking Southie. Who knows? Yeah. The girls have the fucking bro caves, you know?

I would go with more like just get, you know, a couple paintings or pictures. We talked about this before. A shelf of some sort, bookshelf, whatever. Cover that wall. Cover this wall. Cover that wall. And you're done. You know?

Don't worry about personalizing it. Because honestly, if I put up the shit I liked, it would look like a stupid room too. The things that reflect my personality are not going to be artsy and whatnot. My apartment is going to be so sick when I finally move into a big boy place. Because I have these ideas.

A big boy place. You know what I want? I want a painting of a man eating grilled chicken out of his hands and i'll call it like the palm and i'll be like here we see mankind that is like most desperate someone's standing i can see now right so it's it's the the light of the fridge light of the fridge right and in the in the black background behind me because it's dark, the light of the fridge, everything lighting up the room is like a different – like a shadow of a man like in a – Fuck. In a like down and out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yep. Just like – like someone really broken. Yeah.

I mean I have a very vivid picture, a very specific picture of mine. There's a picture of like a a it's like a 9-11 thing with like a firefighter and a police officer like head down like at ground zero eating grilled chicken was my 9-11 eating grilled chicken 6 a.m on my underwear was my 9-11 i mean yeah those equally sound as tragic in my mind jesus christ but deep of my why because like i have things that i have a lot of classy things in my apartment that i will they're actually in my home but they're not in my apartment yeah but like i have funny stupid by the way you will never do this you will

never have this apartment and if you do you will never furnish it by the time you move in it'll be with a girl and she's gonna be like no we're doing it my way get your shit out of here it's my own scratched lottery ticket it's just hopes and dreams it's better it's the promise of tomorrow it's better that you don't do it because you'll always have the like what if or what one day baby yeah one day i'm gonna have this fucking apartment anyway you're gonna do it you're gonna do it if you were to do it it'd be like a globe and that like one picture you have i have like 10 And you'd be like, all right, that's it. Bed would still suck.

So this didn't make me happy either, huh? Emma! Call up Emma! Let's do one more voicemail. And then Lisa Ann. What's up, KFC? Fights BC. Got a quick hypothetical for you.

I got two questions to it. Let's say, hypothetically, your entire life was in movies at a Blockbuster-type store. If you walk in the door, what are going to be the first three movies or, like, first three things you would go back in your life and watch. And then second, which movie of your life, which part of your life do you think the most people would go in to rent and watch? Visa. Hang on. Before we do this, this is why I can't blog anymore. Blogging gets you in trouble.

Because blogging lasts forever. And people read it and shit. I just got a text that the Jets, that whole story uh with gase and the daily news reporter other people tried to start pinning it on a person who worked for the jets and i was the one defending them saying like it's not that person but i'm like in trouble for it and apparently at the xfl tryout that that person's dad was there and was like i'm gonna fucking kill that guy like the blogging game is just you know like i said on the podcast, he's not going to hear that. You know what I mean?

The fucking blog game just gets you in trouble. I was the one defending that person. Fuck off. I mean, you didn't even bring her up, did you? I did, but I never, like, I intentionally didn't bring her up because I was like... I mean, I mentioned it. I'd be like, other people are running with this theory. Like, fuck that.

That's stupid and it's a witch hunt. You're going to burn somebody down who doesn't deserve it. But, you know, it doesn't matter. You just all get lumped in there. I mean, that's crazy if you said that to get in trouble. Yeah. Fuck off. But apparently it's fade on sight if he sees me.

So add it to the fucking list. This is the father of? Of that person, yeah. Of the person who worked for the Jets. Is this the type of guy who says fade on sight? Yeah, I don't know if it's the person relaying the message. Actually, right now I lost all my contacts so I don't even know

who this is texting me. I'm a rack man. This is my palming the grilled chicken. I'm just all over the fucking place, man. All right, what was that voicemail

played again? Or tell me what it was. Yeah, it was something about like, yeah. Right, we're running. We're back. What's up, KFC? Fights BC.

Got a quick hypothetical for you. I got two questions to it. Let's say hypothetically your entire life was in movies at a blockbuster type store. Hell yeah. If you walk in the door, what are going to be the first three movies

or like first three things you would go back in your life and watch? And then second, which movie of your life, which part of your life and watch? And then second, which movie of your life, which part of your life do you think the most people would go in to rent and watch? Wow.

Kevin, would you like to lead? Yeah, no. The three-cone drill, obviously. The Barstool Combine. All of my greatest hits would be things that I don't want the world watching. Pretty much. I don't know what mine would be. I mean, you probably check out BarstoolCold.com.

That's KC. The one thing I learned. Yeah, you do this. It's just cartoonized. It's what happens. I would say, well, people would probably – The New Orleans story. Yeah.

New Orleans is your best story. But all of those are fucking heaters. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I got a lot of good ones. You should probably put those in a book, like a Kramer book. Yeah. I don't know if I'm allowed to anymore.

Yeah, I was going to say, like, do it. You think you're in a Peterman situation, like Barstow owns your stories now? You really are. I think you are. What? I don't think you could ever make money off your life story. No. I think you've given it Peterman situation? Like, Barstool owns your stories now? You really are. I think you are. What? I don't think you could ever make money off your life story. No. I think you've given it all to Barstool.

They literally own you. Yeah. I don't think I can make money off it. Like, when I get fired one day and I need a way to make money because I've destroyed my life like this and no one's ever hired me again, I don't think I'm allowed to. I mean, you'll just have like change the stories a little bit be like it's one time i was in cancun i had a threesome like there's a story there is story it doesn't count yeah i yeah i don't know i don't know goddamn you just watched a man come to a realization in real time that he is fucked

imagine i do that. Imagine I write a book, and it's like a popular book. It's a really big, popular, popular book. And Dave's like, cut me a trip. No, I feel like once you're out of here, if there's no contract, you'll be good. Yeah, I don't think Dave would care either. I don't have any intention of doing it. But if I fell on hard times.

No, if you made more money than Dave, he would do it. Yeah. If you ever get a book deal and someone's like, we'll give you $30 million, be like, give me $29. I don't want to approach Dave. You know what I mean? Whatever Dave's got, $1 less than that. I want to stay off that fucking radar. All right.

That's it for us. We're going to get into Lisa Ann now. Lisa Ann is brought to you by SimpliSafe. If you've got anything of value in your apartment, let's say you do have a big boy place. Let's say you do have a fancy globe and some nice art and maybe a safe with some money or some jewelry or some belongings or even your loved ones or any of your possessions. Maybe one of my belongings, like a fully cast autographed That Awkward Moment poster. Wow. I'll have that. I'll have big boy poster. Wow. I'm going to have that.

That's good. Like, that's, I'll have big boy things and then also, I'm going to have that framed. That's a big boy thing. That's going to be like in my closet.

What was that guy's initial demand? Like 500 bucks or something? No, no, no. He was a cool dude. He was like, it wasn't like a demand. He was like, oh, like.

But didn't he ask for money and you were like, I was just like, I don't even know if I replied. I just kind of forgot about it. And he was like, okay, you can have it framed.

Yeah. I gave him a bunch of merch or something like that. I probably gave him more than two or never mind. I don't even know if I replied. I just kind of forgot about it. And he was like, okay, you can have it for free. Yeah. No, he was – I gave him a bunch of merch or something like that. I probably gave him more than two or three merch. I don't know. I told them to send him a shitload. But, yeah, no, he was a cool dude. I respect him being like, why don't you give me some money? Yeah, that makes sense.

You're giving me something. I should give you money. Try. Always throw it out there. So if you got to that awkward moment and posted that you value or anything that you don't want stolen or ruined or endangered, SimpliSafe is the most effective, affordable, easy, and well-done home security system on the planet. One in five homes have security. That's it.

Don't be one of those four. Don't be an idiot. And the main problem is it's not easy. You got to call and set this up and how much equipment. Yeah, it's like one, what did you say, one impediment? Yes. If there's an impediment, I'm out. So SimpliSafe makes it as easy as possible.

And right now, you can get a free security camera plus 25% off your security system when you start the new year with SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio. Free HD camera, 25% off. The deal ends soon in January. So go to simplisafe.com, simply with an I, S-I-M-P-L-I, safe.com slash KFC Radio. Keep your family and all your possessions safe. Lisa Ann, let's talk to them. Lisa Ann is back in the building.

You're basically like a coworker at this point, you know? This makes me feel really good. I feel like you're like at home when you come to Barstool HQ. I haven't had co-workers that keep on this much clothes, so this is really a new thing for me. Alright, let's talk, and I get a hand. I'll tell you what, not even gonna change. I wasn't even gonna make that joke, because I don't want

to go far enough where I have to take my shirt off. I was gonna say, if she was like, okay, let's do it, I'd be like, fuck. Is it only because you haven't spray tanned in a while? Yeah, I got a pop with him. We're going to Miami soon. I'll be in Miami for the Super Bowl as well. Oh, yeah? I'm going to go real tan, though.

I'm not going to do the spray tan. I'm just going to cook myself. Go to the tanning bed? Yeah. Good for you. Really get in that basement. You'll burn like a motherfucker. You'll be feet red if you go to the tanning bed, right?

There was a stage of my life where I got really tanned because I was hitting the bed regularly. Really? A little like Jersey Shore action? I would wake up in the morning and be like, all right, bedtime.

And then I'd go to the beach and I'd go to the beach after that. Like every day? I was doing it a lot. Not every day. That's great. But I lived right next to one and I was dating the girl

who worked at it so I didn't have to pay for it. Oh, what now get the story. Was she like a guidette? No. No. No. Usually the girls who work at the tanning salon are a very stereotypical look to them.

Sure, of course. They're tan. I love it. It's a great look. You'll never feel grosser than when you get out of the tanning bed. The smell. Where it's like, oh, I literally just burnt my flesh. And you just look in there, and you just made human soup.

Yeah. Because it's just, the whole bed is soaking wet. Do you sweat when you go in it? Because I feel like guys, I leave like a fucking puddle, man. Not really that much, but I like to mix it up

and go in the standing bed once in a while. You know, I'm too lazy for that. I understand. Like standing there for like 15 minutes is just like, oh, I'm bored. But the thing is,

you just go in for 10 and when you're a girl and you're maybe doing photos You don't want to have Those white spots Like under your butt cheeks You know all those I might be alone here

I kind of like that Yeah guys I like the little I like the tan line And I like the fold tan line Yeah Do you like Hold your cheeks up

No but when you do The standing bed You just It evens out And then you go in The laying bed And you lay on your side And you move every two minutes.

Oh, wow. That's too much for me. You're like a fucking chicken. Well, yeah. You gotta make sure it gets cooked like a rotisserie. Yeah. If they could spin you around in there, it would be amazing. I feel like it's kind of like a little nap for me. You know? I'm like, alright, I'm gonna just chill for 15 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever. I'm gonna go tanning right now. I like it.

Do you party in Miami? I might. You might? I might. Are you a big partier? Not really. No? Were you? Years ago. Years ago. Oh my gosh. In the 90s. I went through that beautiful phase when there was a website called DanceSafe. You guys probably don't know about this.

But you could look up your ecstasy pills on DanceSafe and it would tell you the breakdown. So you would reach out to everybody who had some, like, oh, do you have the Playboy bunnies? Do you have the marshmallow guy? And you would order the specifics so you actually knew what you were getting into. Cool.

They took that site down. That doesn't make a lot of sense. Yeah, that's one of those things where it's like, let's admit that people are going to be doing it and let's do it safe. Yeah, yeah, I found out through MySpace, you know, back in that day. Did you often, like, did you ever look it up and find out, like, it's not safe?

That's got to be a real fucking party killer. Yeah, damn it. I would honestly. You didn't purchase them until you checked the site. Oh, okay, got it, got it. So you lined this up in advance, right? I was going to say, if I had it, I'd be like, this site's probably wrong. Yeah.

If it was, like, especially. It's like, this one is made out of rat poison. They don't know what they're talking about. At the same time We were probably morons For trusting that site Yeah You're trusting a site

It's like if it says it on Wikipedia It's true DanceSafe.com Has to be DanceSafe.net So yeah there was that phase It was in the 90s It was a ton of fun

It was a big sex phase as well Because ecstasy and sex Go really well together Never been a big drinker Is it true that Like once you fuck on ecstasy It's kind of ruins it because it's so good? Nothing ruins sex. Put that on the gravestone.

I beg to differ. I'll find a way. Trust me. To ruin sex? What? To ruin sex? I'll ruin sex. I ruin sex individually, not as a whole.

I'm very accurate, located with my... To have sex with me, I ruin sex. Are you as a whole. I'm very accurate, located with my kids. To have sex with me, I ruin sex. Are you in a relationship? Yeah. Okay, so you're having regular sex. Can we talk to her about this? No. John's humble.

Are you like Larry David who talks, you know, those scenes in Curb where he's talking to Cheryl during sex? Oh, he's definitely that. Having like normal conversation? We've talked a lot about how we like to be funny. I've always said, yeah, I don't think sex should be hot. I think sex should be... He takes it too far, but I understand the general idea. He's normalizing it so it's not awkward.

Yeah, let's have... Yes, we happen to be naked and fucking, but anyway, how was your day? Or what do you think we're going to make for dinner later? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a fan of when shit goes wrong or you're trying something, Like, anyway, how was your day? Yeah. Or what do you think we're going to make for dinner later? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. And just like – Well, I'm a fan of like when shit goes wrong or you're trying something that's awkward, just laugh about it.

You know what I mean? Of course. I one time – I guess she was on top and I was switching positions and I kind of like lifted her and put her on her back. And we kind of lost control. And she bounced and came up and I went down and I head-butted her nose and like... Blood everywhere? It didn't break her nose, but I don't know

how it didn't because it was like kaboom! Oh no, it hit more of her lip because she had a big fat lip and she had to start a new job the next day. Oh, that's fantastic timing in life. That wasn't as much funny, but you had to laugh about it. You know what I mean?

I read an article today that said that there were more penis injuries in 2019 in the U.S. than in history. Guys are breaking their penises. Wait, just this year? 2019, highest record of penis injuries. Okay, but it's not like the rest of time combined versus 2019.

No, no, just 19 caps. Have you ever broken some of them? I haven't, but I've been on set when they've broken. But it's not like the rest of time combined versus 2019. It's annuals, the highest. Most guys visit the emergency. Have you ever broken some of this? I haven't, but I've been on set when they've broken. And it's a bloody mess. And you watch the whole thing just kind of pop. It bleeds out of the hole? No, you can cut the skin.

You can actually cut the cartilage, and it can pop out of the side. And the worst part that the guy fears the most, and let me tell you what the guy fears the most in this situation. Wait, can I guess? Yes. What would you fear the most? I feel like...

I don't know, breaking my fucking dick. I feel like I would just be nervous like it's never gonna get hard again? Or what do they fear the most? You sometimes lose a little size because when they have to do the surgery, just like anything else, they have to give the cartilage clean,

so they have to cut a little bit and remove a little bit. So you might be half an inch or an inch smaller, which is the biggest fear, right, in life? That's a drop in the bucket. No. Take a half inch from me. That's like 30%. That's a big chunk. Yeah, but like, you're not chopping down a redwood over here.

Many guys are afraid of girls that are nude doing reverse cowgirl, because that's normally the position it happens the most in. When the girl is bouncing around. See how easy it is to ruin sex? You just ruined it. Reverse cowgirl is out for me. Your girl is trained. She's with you before.

She's trained. She's not going to be jumping around. I feel like it's the jumping. If you're a reverse cowgirl and you're just riding, it's one thing. It's when you're. That's when it happens. It's like, listen, lady. It gets it. It bends it. It breaks it's the jumping. If you're a reverse cowgirl and you're just riding, it's one thing. It's when you're... That's when it happens. It's like, listen, lady. It gets it.

It bends it. It breaks it. Blood everywhere. Did you ever hear about how Dennis Rodman has broken his penis a million times? Yeah, I can imagine that. Broken his dick three times. Yeah. At least three.

Which is like, fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice. Fool me three times with my broken dick. You almost don't deserve to have a penis, you know? Now, why do you think that is?

Is it, he's just reckless? Yes, yes, because the one time, like one time it was what you said, like just hopping around too much. One time,

he had her run across the room and jump and try to land on his dick. Some, some, what was the movie where that happened? Run across the room, jump up in the girl.

Really? He did that? Okay, he deserves it. Yeah. He asked for a dick break. It's like he doesn't want it. It's like someone who like skydives all the time. It's like, dude, you just want to die.

You just don't want to do it yourself. I love skydiving. What are you talking about? So do I. But you're afraid to do it. Want to die. How many times a year are you afraid to do it? Like, right?

You have a limit? No, I'm not a limit. But it's just like, I haven't done it that much. I just enjoy doing it. It's so fun. But if you're just regularly, like, I know someone who's, like, skydived, like, 3,000 times. Like, dude, just go without the parachute. Clearly, that's what you're hoping is going to happen eventually.

He can dive alone, right? Because he's done over 1,000 dives. He's ridden a lawnmower off a hill. Oh, wow. He's crazy. Well, Donnie, you can go. If you go to certain places, you can go solo right away. I don't think I want to do that.

Solo? It'd be like me deciding I'm going to fly my own plane. I like the fact that a pilot flies the plane. I don't want to. You get the rideable with none of the, you know, responsibility. I'm not comfortable cooking my own food. Okay, good for you. I called my mom yesterday because I thought I was like, I just ate, I think, a little bit of undercooked pork.

Like, what's going to happen? What do I do now? Oh, your mom's generation? She thinks she should go to the hospital and get a shot right away. Undercooked pork, right? No, Polly. My mother fed me undercooked beef and gave me E. coli and didn't tell the doctors about it for a while because she was embarrassed. She's a special one.

I love it. But she's like, you're fine. Don't worry about it. But I was like, oh, my God. I thought I was going to die. If I did it, I don't trust that it's done well. You cooked it, looked at it. Ate it.

Ate it. Then thought. Felt fine, but I was just like, oh boy. But you could get it lean. When I was growing up, they overcooked all meat because everyone was so afraid. So pork chops, just picture sawing through them. But if you get one at a nice restaurant, it's kind of a little bit pink on the inside. And you're not freaked out by it. Usually sometimes they're thick as fuck. So like to cook it all the one at a nice restaurant, it's kind of a little bit pink on the inside and you're not freaked out by it.

Usually sometimes they're thick as fuck. So like to cook it all the way through without ruining it, it's not easy. Basically it was like it started getting

a little too smoky in my room. So you're like, that's done. What is your party plan for Miami? What do I need to facilitate for you guys?

Yo, by the way, before... Do you want to do mushrooms with us? That I might do. Okay. That's definitely a possibility. I'll do mushrooms.

It was us there, so I'll main on that. That's a possibility. I didn't really first. It was us there, huh? So I'm in on that. That's a possibility. I didn't really decide if I wanted to do that yet, but I guess I am. At an event like that, probably not so fun. I don't love to do stuff like that where it's crazy crowded. It's got to be a controlled situation. It's more fun, chill, Miami.

Yeah, we'll just do Coke. A cabin. Okay, I'm out on that. I'm out on that. I need no uproar. I've never done Coke primarily because I don't want to snort anything. I understand that. I don't want it on my nose.

I also just feel like – Oh, I did get a bunch of snuff for it, so you will be snorting things. Not in Miami. Oh, the fake coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that I'll do just because it's funny. It is funny. Did you see that video of – it was in Oktoberfest.

It went viral whenever Oktoberfest is. It's coming from Poland, so it takes a few weeks, but hopefully it will be here for Miami. These guys were in the – what's it called? Liederhosen or whatever? Yeah, but hopefully he'll be here from Miami. These guys were, you know, in the, what's it called, Liederhosen or whatever? Yeah, whatever. The whole Oktoberfest scene. Which is in October, right?

The German thing, not the red band, the other one. And they were raging partying, but they had this like fake coke, which gives you like

a little bit of like a burst, but it's not cocaine. But they were doing it like a guy was doing it off his buddy's soft dick. Like grab the tip, pulled it, taught, snorted.

And they were just laughing like, yeah, how about that? It was the literally the craziest party scene I've ever seen. So we'll be doing that minus the soft penis. I think. I remember kids grinding up no-dos when when I was in high school they were probably illegal already by the time you guys got to high school yeah oh we grew up with

that and they would snort it and it was like gave them like a fake high yeah we did like pixie sticks I used to snort scratch up Smarties yeah do you ever cigarettes like those were just so funny how fun that was. It was like, these are awesome. And the gum was always really stale, but you ate it anyway, but it was great. Correct. I was like a party animal as a kid. I'd have a fake cigarette, a bottle of Martinelli's, and I'd fucking snort some Smarties. So now I know what you're into.

Bad boy of fourth grade, watch out. The Martinelli's was the real deal. That shit fucked you up. Yeah, I mean, at that age, too, anything that gave you a you up yeah that I mean at that age too anything that gave you a little bit of I was convinced I was champagne my whole life

yeah very recently he's cute right he's so cute he's so cute so wait when they break the dick is it

is it like a like you know red alert on set like get the paramedics everything stop yeah we don't have the paramedics come to us because normally we're shooting without a permit in a house that we shouldn't be at so you know, red alert on set, like get the paramedics, everything, stop? Yeah, we don't have the paramedics come to us because normally we're shooting without a permit

in a house that we shouldn't be at. So, you know. Fuck you guys, by the way. Making our lives very tough because every time we want to rent a place. In LA? Anywhere. They're like, no filming, no filming.

It's like, we're not going to do porn. It's our fault. We're just going to do hypothetical answer in an internet question. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that like, even Barstool's life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any content creators that would just want to film normal shit, we can't because Lisa Ann

fucked on that couch that one time. You know? It does ruin it for everybody. Yeah. We're very sorry about that. Look at what we're doing for all of you. I know. I mean, you get it for free on the internet.

We don't risk getting arrested on a regular basis. Just remember that. I should be thanking you. We do drive them immediately to the emergency room, and it is usually a pretty fun trip because, you know, you walk in, someone recognizes you, and someone recognizes the guy i remember when it happened to prince i wasn't on set with him that day but hearing the story about him going to the emergency room and the women that worked there knowing who he was yeah i really wanted to take extra good care of him and like that's the one time you don't want to be flirted with because you don't want any more blood flow going to the area

seems like all these women are being really nice to me and then it happens. It's a casualty of war. I feel like when Prince goes in with a dick injury, it's almost like when someone morbidly obese goes in where they're like, we don't have the utensils to fix you.

We have to take you to the zoo and weigh you in the elephant thing. We're going to get a vet tech in here. We don't have the things for you. That would be enough to make me retire

if I broke my dick, which is congratulations, do I say, on your third retirement now? Yes. You are the Brett Favre of porn. I am the Brett Favre. You show your genitals and you keep retiring. That is you and Brett. And you're both kind of like gunslingers. You're both out there just fucking letting it fly.

You are the Brett Favre of porn. When I got in, I didn't have as much opportunity. And now I have a lot more opportunity. And now it's like I finally want to start using my brain a bit. Opportunities, you either think to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I went back this last year, there were many funny thoughts that are translating into my life now. And I just can't fuck dumb anymore. You know, it's a little bit harder for me to fuck dumb guys.

Really? My last two movies. Cut her mic. Are you calling this fucking snooty over here high and mighty? Even in my personal life, though. Won't even fuck a dumb guy. Even in my personal life, I meet a guy that doesn't really know that there's world news happening. And I'm just like, oh, my God, my knee's just welded shut.

I can't do it. But what's funny is my last two scenes were VR. And what's great about VR is the guy cannot talk to you at all. At all. He can't even interact with you. He's down here. The camera's here. The ASMR ears are over here.

Everything is everywhere except you guys interacting. And I remember I was kind of over it. And when they called me, I'm like, I don't want my career to be time stamped by technology. I want to do some VR scenes. And they're like, well, you don't have to talk to the guy at all. I'm like, sign me up. He's not even technology, right? I want to do some VR scenes. And they're like, well, you know, you don't have to talk to the guy at all. I'm like, sign me up. He's not even present, right? He's just there inside me, right?

Yep. Okay, perfect. I don't have to get to know him. He's going to sit in the room and do something on his own. We don't talk in the makeup chair or nothing. It's like fucking a robot almost. That's great. Honestly, good for you because you think about it.

I don't even know his name. Didn't follow him on social media. Do you usually do that? You follow him on social media if i want to work with the guy again yeah maybe oh so that's tough if you don't get the follow after you lisa fucks you that means like you really that's we're unimpressive you gotta be like refreshing enough you know what i mean right again but like we had limited conversation so i didn't get to know him i thought why get to know more what if i follow him and i read his timeline and then i'm like oh my god you had sex with him for two days and he's such a moron.

You know? Two-day sex bender with an idiot. I just don't. I learn too much about people and then I have an opinion and it changes everything. Before, I never had an opinion. It was like, that guy can do it. I'll do it with him. Now, I'm like, man.

You know what? You need, like, dance safe, but for your porn stars. You know what I mean? And for my dating. Like, I'm going to ask all of my friends to introduce me to one person that they think I should go on a date with. It's got to be tough for you to date, no? Wait, so you guys start working on this.

You all have to know what... It's got to be. You don't all have to come up with one person. I got it, guys. It really takes this... Who? It's not easy. That's right.

You say you're only dumb guys. Never mind. It's not easy. No, I will be perfectly honest. guys Never mind It's not easy No I will be perfectly honest I think it would be tough For me to date a porn star Right And I would imagine That's most people

Most guys I mean I've always said I'm not jealous Until I'm jealous Like I'm not I'm not I'm not

And then when I am I'm like oh my god And like when you're on a date With a guy And another guy walks up And says something like Oh Lisa I jerk off to you All the time

Then he hands the phone To your date And says, can you take a picture of us together? Like it ruins everything instantly. I'm going to try. It's one of my nearest resolutions. I'm going to actually haven't tried dating years. I'm going to try. Can you even find a guy who doesn't know you? No.

And I don't want that. You want to meet somebody that knows me through someone else that's kind of pre-screened. I need to have a mutual connection so that person person's not a serial killer or is going to stalk me. And has to know my whole back story so I don't have to go through it. And the guy comes up and says, oh, I don't know who you are. Then I'm like, you're lying. You're a stalker. What?

You're trying to get in my pants. And then you're going to be like, I watch every movie. I went on a date one time with a guy that I met at Lake Havasu on Ecstasy for like a great time years ago. We used to go up there with my friend's boat from Arizona. And he tried to tell me he didn't know who I was. And my friend said to me, when you go to his house in Irvine, go under his television and look. Yeah. He had every VHS I'd ever been in.

Nope. VHSs.s is early 90s i was partying when you guys were in diapers that's so impressive about your career now that you're doing vr like your your career spans it's almost like when you're you have like when your grandma's like she was born when there was like horses and now she's got the internet you went from like like standard definition with big bushes to fucking vh to vr you've done it all girl and you know what vhs was so hard to travel with on the road in your dance bag to go to gigs because the boxes would get all tattered and if they ran them through the x-ray sometimes it would mess up the tape it would like blank it out and you'd be selling blank tapes and everybody would return them the next day but like all kinds of weird things when dvds came out i was like this is so compact i'm gonna be able to sell so many more of these on

each trip i won't make so much so you would sell like we have like what a merch stand after you do your little show on stage and by the way you could charge a lot for that right i feel like porn dvds like 50 bucks uh 20 bucks you want to really you want to move product well yeah but i think i moved that weight, girl. Sling it. You got to be happy somebody's willing to pay for it. Because when people pay for it, I'm like, you realize it's free on the internet, right? Yeah.

But I feel, yeah, John supports his artists. Yeah. I am a content purchaser. You can join my OnlyFans. I'll give you a discounted price. I run it myself. OnlyFans. I've had an OnlyFans a time or two.

Those ones, I've never had a porn star's Only fans I've had Whose only fans Did you join then You joined like a regular Girls And what did she do

Like makeup tutorials Nothing She did like cartwheels Okay How much were you paying A month I forget It wasn't

I mean I don't know $6.99 It was what happened Was I followed her on Instagram Check it because I'm sure You didn't actually cancel it You did not cancel it And she was like She put up a picture On Instagram And was like Whoa okay on Instagram. Check it because I'm sure you didn't actually cancel it. We did not cancel it. And she was like, she put up a picture on Instagram and was like, whoa, okay, you're

naked. And it was like, swipe up my OnlyFans. Swiped up right away. I was like, all right, I got to see the nipple. I got to. What are you going to do? And then guess what? She was just colored over her hand.

It wasn't even nipple there. And then it was like, oh, no, no, that's what it was. It was a picture of her doing a cartwheel on a beach. And it was like Oh no no That's what it was It wasn't It was a picture of her Doing a cartwheel on a beach And it was like All blank And I was like Almost like With my stripping

I don't want to be turned on I want to be like Whoa that's weird John Lee's like Cirque Yeah I wanted to be Entertained rather than Have you gone to New Orleans

And seen the women That spit coins Out of their vagina I have not That's amazing I've seen ping pong Spit out of vaginas I've ping pong spit out of vaginas. I've seen things spit out of vaginas,

but not a coin. A coin is a good one. Yeah, I think that stuff's really fun. But also I got knocked out by a coin once when I was a kid and I probably had some PTSD there. Okay. But the whole point is

she was doing a cartwheel on the beach and I was like, I got to see what this looks like fully naked. I got to pay for it out of my hard-earned money. So I swiped up, paid for it. She was in a bathing suit.

And it was just blanked out on the thing. But he didn't cancel because he was still on the hook that one day he was going to see the nipple and months later, he's still waiting. I can't believe you were still... I stayed around for a few more pictures. I know the person in question and I understand, but I also in a world today where you're just

excited to see a nipple, it's kind of crazy. But it also makes perfect sense to me. Every girl I see, I'm like, I'd like to see your nipples. So it's nipples with you. No, it's anything. I'd like to see your boobs. I'd like to see your nipples. I'd like to see your vagina.

I'd like to see your butthole. I want to see it all. This is new to me. So what kind of nipples do you like? This is new to you that people want to see naked girls? No, just nipples. The nipples. What kind of nipples do you like?

Do you like the bigger nipple, the fatter nipple? You know what? I run the gamut. I like every nipple. That's why I actually don't like nipples is because I feel like bigger nipple, the fatter nipple? You know what? I run the gamut. I like every nipple. That's why I actually don't like nipples is because I feel like a nipple, it cannot make it, but it can break it. I agree.

I'm never going to be like, oh, look at those nipples, but I'll be like, oh. Are there hair on the nipple? Things like that? I'm right there with you. Or they're too big. I think it's pretty rare that I'm like, oh, look at those nipples. I think it's just like, whoa, what's up, nipples. Interesting. Good to know. Good to know. I'm thrilled to have that extra info.

Obviously, your girlfriend has good nipples. She does have good nipples, yeah. Great nips, actually. Selling point. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Will she be with us for the mushrooms activities at Super Bowl weekend? Yeah, probably. I'm nervous I'm going to have to do mushrooms now.

Fuck. I don't like the hallucinogenic stuff, you know? I don't mind it, but I'm a little afraid at a big event like that nervous I'm going to have to do mushrooms now. I don't like the hallucinogenic stuff. I don't mind it, but I'm a little afraid at a big event like that because I'm going to see people that want to talk to me and then I'm not going to be able to talk. By the by. We have always said that when we go to Super Bowl. We never party at the Super Bowl. Party Friday.

We're in Miami. It was Houston, Minnesota, and Atlanta. Not exactly three of the most crazy spots. Now it's Miami, though, and everyone's like, we've got to get in shape. We're going to party, this, that, and the other thing. And it's like every other week, every other time, we've worked all week long. And you do work.

You always plan before the Super Bowl, I'm going to Philly to be a referee for an oil wrestling contest at the Wing Bowl at Delilah's. So I still get to do these great events. I may not be shooting anymore, but sign me up to referee or judge stripper contests, oil wrestling. I feel like that's what I should be doing. The fringe of the porn world is a great spot to be. It's a great spot. Go see some nipples, have some fun. You don't have to get double penetrated anymore.

Exactly. I don't get tested every two weeks. It's fantastic. So I'll be doing that. That'll be fun. I think Miami will be a little different. Also, we're on the beach in Southeast. So I'll be doing that. That'll be fun. I think Miami will be a little different. Also, we're on the beach in South Beach. But I also think that's like because of that, Dave's going to be watching people like a hawk. You know what I mean?

If you're part... What? That's okay. Yeah, for us. More people will be in trouble in the Super Bowl than ever. I agree. I agree. I completely agree. You think someone gets arrested? When was the last time you got arrested? Oh my gosh. It's only happened to me once.

Oh wow. I was underage. I was 16. I was cupped and stuffed in Seaside Heights for illegally entering a bikini contest to make money for my little journey that I was on with my friends. Our parents had to drive to pick us up in Seaside.

We tried to lie to the police and tell them that both of our parents died. So wait, our, so you did like a group. This was me and a girlfriend of mine from home. Okay, so I interrupted

at the wrong time there. Parents died? Go back. I'll shut up now. When the cops were asking us for our ID, which of course we were smart, we were underage,

we brought no ID to this place. Masquerades. Remember this. It wasn't Seaside. They said, well, we need to contact your parents Well ironically Our parents shared

A wedding anniversary And they were out And they all died In a four person car crash Okay They didn't believe that They ended up They didn't

They found my hotel room They found my hotel room key Which remember The seaside keys back there Were these big pieces of plastic That said the hotel And the key They went in

They searched our stuff Then we were in even more trouble For lying We were in even more trouble for lying. We were in that tank for hours. I mean, this is an extreme situation for girls in a bikini contest. Right. Yeah, but we were at a bar drinking underage. I know, but to do this extra step of investigation.

Christ almighty. I agree, but I'll remember this. The worst part of the whole thing was we had bought those dresses on the boardwalk that day to wear. Those stretchy dresses from the early, late 80s, early 90s. You could stretch it to be a dress, but when it was on the hanger, that day to wear those stretchy dresses from the early late 80s early 90s that you could stretch it to be a dress but when it was on the hanger it was like this big and they were either like orange or yellow or like fluorescent colors that was the most stressful part was we were traumatized that our parents were going to see us dress like that and by the time they got there they were covered in black makeup because we'd been crying and

wiping our eyes on these little dresses sitting in this cell. And I sat in the back of that police car and I was like, this will never fucking happen to me again. I will never get arrested and be in the back of a cop car. It was traumatic. Well, mission accomplished though, right? Yeah, it was great in our high school yearbook. Let's fix that. Let's get in Miami.

It said, I can't get arrested at this age. Why? Oh, come on. I also have a sheriff's badge in Miami. So if we do get in trouble, I'll carry that with me. We'll be fine. A sheriff's badge? So, yeah, you can get –

Like a PBA card or like a badge? Yeah, a little bit of both. So you can get these through friends who can say that you're family and then you're protected in states where if anything happens, you get out your ID with this and then the badge. I've always had a problem, though. Like I feel awkward. You have to like open your wallet and like, oh, look, there always had a problem though. I feel awkward. You have to open your wallet and like,

oh look, there's my PBA card. You can't be like, bam! Because I feel like the cops are like, well, fuck you. It's probably different for you and me. I feel like a PBA card is like, you hope they see it. I'm not going to give you my ID, I'm going to give you this, bitch. Oh, I'm getting out the thing with the badge and the card

at the same time and look at them like, boomer! My buddy who's a Marine got I'm going to give you this, bitch. Oh, I'm getting out the thing with the badge and the card at the same time. And I'm like, let me get my head. My buddy who's a Marine got told they were speeding once. And they're taught, like, give your military card with your license. And the cop went, the fuck do I need this for? And threw it back in the car. You get the wrong person. You get the wrong person.

But I do predict that we will stay out of trouble in Miami Because it's a work event You know that's like A marine That's like anti-American Yeah Fuck do I need this for The judge was not happy When it was brought up in court Yeah

Jesus Christ So are you afraid To get in trouble Because there's so much To do in Miami No And things are way later Than anywhere you've been

To a Super Bowl so far I mean I'm gonna be in bed By the time things are like The game's starting We fall asleep Like 11 o'clock Yeah that's like That's like happy hour In Miami You know what I mean True I'm going to be in bed by the time things are like the game started. We fall asleep at 11 o'clock. Yeah, that's like happy hour in Miami. You know what I mean?

True. I'm not afraid, though. I mean, like, I think. I'm not afraid. I guess we can. I'm tough. I'm not afraid. Oh, I feel like getting arrested.

We get arrested if I just help business again. It's true. We're kind of in this weird spot where it's like. I agree. It's tough for us to get in trouble. Sure. Because it's expected. Yeah. So it's like, well, what happens? It's great content as well. Well, I agree. It's tough for us to get in trouble because it's expected. Yeah.

So it's like, well, what happens? It's great content as well. You know, if I could be filming it. It's good for business. The only thing, having kids, I don't want to get arrested. Otherwise, I'd be getting arrested every day with you guys. Yeah, that's true. That's the downside.

You know, we're responsible adults, right? No, but just not wanting to get arrested. Yeah, that was a scary experience at 16. It did land in my high school yearbook, which I've been looking through recently. It's my 30-year high school reunion this year. Wow. I bet you a little bit better than most girls there. Says, cuffed and stuffed in Seaside Heights.

No, she hasn't. I'm proud of it. That gave me street cred in high school, y'all. I was like. Was there a mugshot? There was not a mugshot. We were minors. Right.

They didn't do that then. Right. Yeah. At least a mugshot would be a big deal. But it was around the same time of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince bringing out that song, Parents Just Don't Understand. And I remember in the video, his dad was like hitting him in the car. And I remember us sitting in the jail cell going, you know, that's what it's going to

be like for us. And I was like, in the jail cell going, you know, that's what it's going to be like for us. This is what my dad said to me first thing we got in the car. He goes, you're going to read the Bible cover to cover this summer. And I was like, your dad didn't know

what was coming. I knew that was out. I knew we were done and I was going to make my own way. I was on my own. Dad, let me tell you, this was a,

it's not going to work. This was a drop in the ocean of what's about to come. Yeah, yeah. And I really don't think reading the Bible is going to save me at this point. No. That was his, like, I'm going to be stern now. Like, really? Yeah, that's not going to work.

I'm breaking out of this. So I know you're moving on, and I believe we talked about this last time but off air the uh the gif ad ad at the bottom of pornhub with you getting the massage yes is just like an all-time piece of media that i think that any if any if you showed any guy in like that the right age range you just going like popping your head up i mean they're gonna know instantly exactly what it is i feel like and why that's so real is because at that time, no one asked me to do that, and no one told me I was doing that. And so it actually was a real authentic look.

A genuine surprise and genuine like, fuck out of there. A minute after they got that little clip, I was off that table screaming bloody murder, and they were worried the cops were going to be called to the location. Because I was like wait a minute! You don't just take something in my ass without asking me first! Where are we right now?

It was one of those moments. It was very intense. You're like Alan Rickman in Die Hard when in the... I've got that movie memorized. When he is falling at the end, they did not tell him they were actually going to let him go. That is genuine surprise.

He was on a 40 foot fall into a huge thing and they said, we're going to drop you on five or something like that. So get ready. And they went, one, and let him go. Would you rather do the free fall or would you rather have somebody without letting you know stick something in your ass? Who's doing the stick in the ass?

We have just broached our entire unit of health. You know what would be fun in Miami? Some great strip clubs in Miami. Oh, sure. I'm sure those girls are just beautiful. I would be beyond honored to go to a strip club. And it's super fun, right?

I mean, there's such great... I'm actually not much of a strip club guy, but I would... It's great people. It's fun. I would make an exception and go check out some different people. Well, it's almost like when you say so great. I'm actually not much of a strip club guy, but I would- With the right people, it's fun. I would make an exception and go check out some different people.

Well, it's almost like when you say in general, I'm not a club guy, and it's like, I understand, but if you do it right, and you get the right section, the right place,

the right people, then it's awesome. I would imagine it's like, yeah, I don't want to go in the strip club. You go to the strip club as Lisa Ann's guest, I bet it's a different experience.

That would be something very fun. Maybe just with the mushrooms. Let me just all in one shot. Yeah. We gotta do the mushrooms. Do the mushrooms, in one shot. We got to do the mushrooms. Do the mushrooms, the strip club, and then we get arrested at the strip, you know. Yeah, you guys are going to be the ones getting arrested.

I'm going to be the ones getting the content for you. Yeah, sure. I'll have my 4K camera with me. And then also someone's got to stick something in my ass, too. Without you knowing. Or a free fall. Whichever comes first. One or the other.

Yeah, so people love that. How about you jump off a building. I'll get a finger on my butt. Week, it's only one night. We're doing this all in one shot, bro. So you guys get in Friday, leave Monday, right? No, Sunday, get out Saturday. Oh, the whole week of doing radio, bro.

Yeah, the whole damn thing. The long fucking time to be in Miami. You're going to have a hard time staying out of trouble being there for that long. That's what I'm saying. You're going to make friends. You're going to have people inviting you out places. Are you coming to our party Friday night? I didn't know you were having a party.

Oh, yeah. We have a big party. You are officially invited. I'm so excited. We're doing a little throwback to when we did an EDM, like, rave tour. Yeah, we're getting some ecstasy. Yeah, there'll definitely be some of that shit going on. I'm there.

We'll try the black lights, neon, you know, like the whole throwback. Oh, I get some glow sticks. Maybe I'll find one of those stretchy dresses. You know that shit. Yeah. Yeah. We'll talk black lights, neon, you know, like the whole throwback. Oh, I get some glow sticks. Yeah, play some VG, you know, that shit. Yeah. We could all live. We're hopping in the time machine this week. Okay, that's fantastic. I'm there.

It's going to be a good scene. All right, so, you know, you're on to bigger and better things. Talking to you guys. Oh, yeah, I mean, listen. The best male talent you've ever worked with right here, you know. Well, the goal this year is to finish my second book. Also to create more content. I know I need to be putting more content out on YouTube and getting my podcast going again.

Writing is really time consuming. You write, you read, you edit. You write, you read, you edit. So that's where I'm at right now. And then I just picked up another show. So I'm doing three shows on the Fantasy Sports Channel. So things are good. No complaints. Great. Unbelievable. And I'm a New York on the fantasy sports channel so things are good great

unbelievable and I'm a New Yorker now oh really yeah where are you living you know like neighborhood wise just in the city just we're not Lisa won't even narrow down any further than that I'm on the island okay okay I like yeah yeah I would be perfect on Staten Island, wouldn't I? But yeah, I'm here now. It's been, and that was kind of like the closing of the door in my other career was just kind of like closing that chapter in California and moving here full time. That's awesome. Well, welcome.

Thank you. Yeah. Welcome to the content side of things. Speaking of, let's go make a YouTube video. Let's go do it. Look around. Look at what you see in her face. The mirror of your dream.

Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never-ending story. Ah, reach the stars, lie a fantasy. Dream a dream, and what you see will be The sun's a king, there's a king right there I'm both behind my clouds

And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never-ending story Story Storytime Storytime