KFC Radio - Pavs Met Ryan Reynolds' Mortal Enemy - Full Episode

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 05:36 New York Times' New Game 08:26 Jackie Didn't get tan 16:40 Sketch's apology video is hilarious 20:46 Top 4 Albums 26:33 Pavs' Ryan Reynolds Story 38:08 Who is the next Leonardo DiCaprio 49:03 Danny Devito Story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4wKwykRIU8 52:02 Tommy Smokes' Art Episode is out now 56:01 Serial Killers aren't doing their job anymore 01:03:53 Video Voicemails 01:17:18 Phone camera roll segment ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Cann: Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code KFC20 for 20% off your order of Cann and a free Roadie 6pk sampler. Omaha Steaks: Shop exclusive packages starting at $99 at https://OmahaSteaks.com and get an EXTRA $10 OFF when you use promo code KFC at checkoutYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. That was so dramatic. I didn't even flinch. That was so late. Like, as I was moving, I'm like, you're in bed. Whoa! You guys!

The cameras are broken for this episode. No one gets to see Jackie. Ready to go? Yep. Yep. All right. Welcome to KFC Radio on the barstool sports network you are about to listen to the most efficient podcast in the history of podcasting we've run rehearsals we've run

the uh we've already done this podcast we've already done it the uh tech didn't work if we had audio we would have a great drop of 15-year-old Steve is manning the computer for the first time right now and we tell him, don't worry. If the audio messes up, it's fine. Everyone gets one. It was definitively not his fault. I don't believe that.

He doesn't believe that. It was not his fault. Paz and Jackie have said it. The control room has said it. Steve did nothing wrong. He just happened to be the captain of the Titanic when I started talking. I just got rocked. I was like 15 in the first inning and I got to come back.

It was nothing you did, but we're here. We're back. One thing that has happened, we can do one thing new off the top. Nate, GoNateGo,. Nate, go Nate, go. LFG Nate, whatever. Main event Nate, that is the hashtag. We're rooting for Nate.

Nate is 20 people from the money at the World Series of Poker. He is, I think he has like $800,000, which doesn't really mean anything because you can't cash out. But he's doing great. He's killing it. We're all cheering Nate on. He and Dave continue to be at their never-ending war. Dave, Nate's been great. Nate's been blocking anyone who doesn't like him.

He's calling them ops. Honestly, I love it. I love when you call people ops. It's hilarious for a 35-year-old man to use the term ops. Especially Nate. Nate is almost like one of those people, he gets a pass on it somehow. It is so absurd for you to be using this word that it kind of works.

If you said ops, that would be crazy. If I said ops, it would be insane. But it works for Nate. And he said, he quote tweeted someone someone and said someone was complimenting him and he said this is the way ops get blocked dave portnoy quote tweet that and said soft or so soft or whatever always soft nate replied to that with uh you once sent a company-wide email saying we have to be nice to each other. Maybe sit this one out. It is, I don't know if we've ever talked about that. It is the craziest email I've ever received in the history of Barstool Sports.

Dave then quote tweeted Nate's and said only for people who make money for charity cases or something like that. We might have touched on it now that i think about it but that email to this day stuns me it's probably like four no three it was like two and a half years ago two and a half three years ago it was it was great it was crazy because it was about objectively the meanest person in this company. It's like everyone has to be nice to Hannah. And I don't know Hannah very well. We've spoken on occasion. I don't even know if she still works here.

I think she does. I think she does. Mini golf thing. Send a company-wide email that we all have to be nice. Well, I don't even think anyone was being mean. I think she started the mean girls thing, right? I think it was a Caitlin Walker situation where they were not nice to Caitlin Walker. They were being mean to Caitlin Walker.

Which is the most insane person in the world to be mean to. The fucking nicest person. Crazy. I've said this privately to Caitlin and to other people. I don't know if I ever said it publicly. If we did a draft where we could pull back people from Chicago and make them work here again, I have a good relationship with, I think, everybody at Chicago.

I like everybody. I would take Caitlin Walker 1-1 without a fucking second heartbeat. I completely agree. It would be like, it wouldn't even use the full clock. It would be like, Barstool New York's on the clock, Caitlin Walker. Nobody's better at the job than Caitlin Walker. She's better than Dave at her job. We've worked with people who weren't Caitlin Walker in Caitlin Walker's field,

and I cried. I was like, just let me talk to Caitlin. Let Caitlin handle this. She has zero questions, too. She doesn't need to know what you need your flight move for yeah yeah she's i got it she caitlin can you do this done she is the best employee at this company so yes i think i think some people maybe came to her defense uh just a crazy email and i don't i again i forget if we've talked about it or not but it was that was that because that was also like the height of Penn.

I don't know about height, but during the reign of Penn. Yeah. And it was like a – I was like, what are we doing as a company moment? Everyone's got to be nice to each other. Like, what the fuck, when? But anyway, that happened. Next up. What did I say was first up new york times new york hey hey new york fucking times when you put out a new game rehearsal guys

when you put out a new game strands their new game is awesome when you put out a new game you have to have an archive because now i can only play once a day that's fucking bullshit i want to go play all the strands today was a hard one today was never neverland but not never neverland that's michael jackson's today it was neverland and i don't know all the places there but it was a fun game whatever that topic's done next topic um what are we doing i didn't actually know that that i didn't hear the archive thing that you said last time i agree with that i love that the mini yeah yeah go play whatever i didn't actually know that I didn't hear the archive thing that you said last time. I agree with that. I love that the mini has archives. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go play it. I didn't know they had archives. That's opening up a new door for me. You have to pay for the archives. So if you don't pay, you probably don't have access to it. That's embarrassing for you. How is Oreo 55 doing? Let's see.

Today probably wasn't so good. Today there were a lot of Asian words on the mini. By a lot, I mean mean two are you okay with that well I just don't know I'll look at today's mini it was nothing Asian connections yesterday was pretty hard I think

Japanese writing system based on Chinese characters kanji I didn't know that k and ji then this one was fruit that maybe served with sticky rice sticky mango mango but sticky rice had me thinking it was going to be some kind of asian food that i didn't know about yeah but i guess the mango is to an extent i know about it but is it going to asian i don't know whatever i mean i got that pretty fast and then spicy mustard but they get that's just dijon which i should have had but my brain was in asian stuff so i saw those other three other two clothes two clues that's tricky that's not fair by them yeah i i agree with that so it was a tough one um i don't know how i can see view solve puzzle okay i think um i don't

know how to check oh see my leaderboard leaderboard. Came in dead last today. Nice. Came in dead last yesterday. Nope, came in second yesterday. Dead last Monday. Dead last Sunday. Who do you play against today? Dead last Saturday. Dead last Friday.

Dead last Thursday. Are you averaging last? It looks like it. Sure it is. Second on dead last Tuesday. What's your time normally? I'm usually probably in 40 seconds range. Oh, wow. That's good.

42, 45, 2 minutes, 5 seconds. Saturday was a tough one. How long does it take them? It's always within a few seconds. They're probably mid-30s, high-30s. Wow. Okay.

Why, you want to join the league? No, I absolutely don't um okay new york times topics done is that three minutes it's gonna be a 40 minute podcast uh next up was jackie's weekend jackie's weekend nothing next up didn't get tan though you did not get a tan shut up i'm just saying you threw a sweatshirt on too because i had a couple comments about what you're wearing before uh yeah because i also i looked at a camera and i looked like i looked like i came straight from church it was very blousy it is a blouse but you know what is like with so like i wore this hop up before a in santa

barbara and, with sandals. It's better, but for some reason, like when I had it on today, like as I was leaving, I was rushing, and I was kind of like, you look,

you look not great. You were dressed like Florence Pugh in Don't Worry Darling. That's what she wore every day. I mean, yeah, like it's a blouse, and it, like,

I don't know. I don't know. It wasn't, it wasn't doing what it did before so it looked it looked exceptionally what did you not hang out in the sun do i look that pale pretty pale i didn't particularly next to paz paz is fucking italian and you're a little red i'm a little red i'm a little red uh but this is probably the palest you've been and we're in the height of summer right now.

Things going okay? I feel like I look like I have a light glow. I don't know if those are the words I'd use, Jack. Have you ever seen a Polish dinner dinner it's like a potato and a gray sausage and like no it's just all like okay you know what oh wow okay hold on it's also not great lighting it has to be the light also i here's what it is you guys i normally have fake tanner on right i haven't been putting on fake tanner so you're because i because i was like, I just got a nice, natural. But then I'm realizing it probably was a little bit of fake Tanner still.

And I'm actually disguising myself as a pale. Like, you know, I'm probably paler than I am. I get it. Okay. Can I make a comment about yourself? No. So, like. Steve when you get yours right when jackie's in out of order sketches and i'm color grading i have to like specifically change

your color tones because when i put like a filter over it it just you look like an oompa loompa i can't do you like that you're my dogs i can't do it but it's a pain in the ass let me tell you i i would that's fair like when i find out you're being in a sketch like i roll my eyes and i'm stressed out like this is gonna cost me like three hours yeah when i was in sixth grade no when i was in eighth grade we had like our eighth grade graduation and i got a spray tan for that which is crazy that i got a spray tan in eighth grade in retrospect. But it was like the most orange spray tan I've ever had. And every time all the guys I walked by, I guess they all had like talked to each other about how orange I was.

So every one of them would sing the Oompa Loompa song. And I have PTSD from that. So thank you for bringing that back up. Got it. No worries. When I was in high school once for Halloween, I was Willy Wonka. And the girl I was like, whatever at the time, was my Oompa Loompa. But we couldn't find any face paint.

Yeah. So we got orange icing that would just lick off her face. Oh, my God. What a dream. Not the reaction i was expecting uh anyway jackie doesn't have a tan oh at one time i actually accidentally jerked off with um jergens with the uh self-tanning jergens orange dick for like two weeks i woke up the next morning i was like like, what? I was 14. Your dick was doing blackface? Where did you find it?

My parents' cabinet. I ran out of personal lotion, so I just ran in there, saw lotion, woke up, orange dick. Steve, do you have any comments on Jackie's appearance Steve

what did you say no no favorite instant favorite if you if you just like

went against the wall like that we really use Jack what I'm literally I'm gonna show my black face tomorrow Jack I thought you were doing the show today

You have to close your eyes That doesn't even make sense What wall? You're saying a white wall? This It's just like You're not like white You're just like a grey

You're like a beige grey Yeah A skin tone I suppose It's like that wall over there Yeah yeah Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, it would be hard to find it there. Well, I'm happy that we're doing this.

I'm happy we did this again. Yeah, we only briefly touched on Jackie's color. You're like a bowl of oatmeal. You're right. Wait, like, what? What is it exactly? Jackie, cream of wheat nickels okay like this lighting so like what i'm seeing in this camera right now like definitely not great this i've had over there but in person don't answer that don't answer that in person it looks like you're about to go rob a bank when you put a pantyhose over your face.

Like this sock right here. If you had this sock. This is going to be all 45 minutes of the podcast. Can we make fun of... Yeah, I'm seeing if I can help you. Oh, no, that's the lowest orange it goes. We can make Jackie way more pale. Stop, stop, stop. I wonder if that's just making her blue or

pale i don't know can we make fun of paths's appearance right now sure what do you got say something actually i mean i'm pretty probably the tannest i've ever been yeah paz paz is tan at paz i was watching the social network over the weekend i was like damn that was like paths no you guys i've never seen somebody like wait drool over pavs more than you kevin sitting in these chairs we made fun of like what was it the rat boy summer like you guys when i was going over it's like you guys tan's just like he's just got that sexy floppy hand andrew garfield kept smiling every time he'd smile in particular it's like a a flat smile. Yeah. Is, uh, is very past.

So I was telling Pabst that there's like this really hot guy in my building. And I like, he came in and like, I've talked to him like a few times. Like, I don't know him. And like,

he had just come back from one talk. Apparently I was like, Oh, like where'd you come back from? And he was like, Montauk. I was like, I was like,

you look red. And like, then he was like, Oh, uh, do I? And I was like montauk i was like i was like you look red and like then he was like oh uh do i and i was like oh my god why did i say that like you know when like after you just say one thing and then like everything you say after that is like i was just oh my god literally in your head still in my head everything i said was weird i like i was like as soon as he left the elevator like the cameras will catch it i'm like oh my god i keep having ptsd from that like i keep thinking about that anyways so what when you were like you were red he was like you look like a cardboard box can we move on to the next he's like yeah was outside. Have you just not gone out for the last week?

You know what Jackie really would blend in with? The sand, honestly. Yeah, if you went to the beach. You're literally the color pink. You are literally the color pink. Yeah, but I'm always the color pink. It's just me, baby. I know, but this is why I'm fucking orange.

There's no in between, I guess. I'm going to tip. Ryan Reynolds. You're the color of the who's the biggest asshole box you know you guys can have fun um okay that topic is done for now until we think of another good one um the uh the uh next topic we did was was it no something in between my weekend yeah we did did we do sketches gay now we didn't do sketches sketches gay uh that's a thing i guess uh don't guess. He's so sweet about it. Yeah, I was saying on the rundown that I've actually met Sketch. Pabst and I met Sketch very briefly.

I didn't know who he was at the time. I knew he was a person of sorts. I knew he was doing Jerry After Dark. But really brief interaction. Really nice guy. But didn't follow any of him after that. I just didn't really. So I just didn't know who he was was his apology videos are the funniest things i've ever seen in my life uh why what about just like when he sits down he's like all right elephant in the room i did a new haircut wait

i'm totally forgetting it was so fucking funny yeah wait what did he say he was like he does the clan i did not have sexual relations with that man. Just kidding. I did. That was great. He probably gained so many fans yesterday. Yeah. So many people didn't know who he was.

They just learned about him. They probably loved him. Now, do we think he's gay? Yeah, I think he's gay. Yeah. Really? I think addiction's your one get-out-of-jail-free card. Wait, what was he doing in the video?

I believe he was doing all the stuff. Oh, okay. That's a good argument for gay. It's as strong an argument for gay. But also it's like you got to do what you got to do to make money. Because he says in his, I don't even feel comfortable calling it an apology video. It's an explanation. Whatever it is. I don't even feel comfortable calling it an apology video. It's an explanation. Whatever it is.

I don't know. You don't need no explanations. But he said he was doing a lot of addiction stuff. And if you were like, I had to suck dick for money for meth, I think is your only, like, all right, maybe he's not gay. Like, maybe he just needed some meth. Yeah. Who amongst us?

How old is he? He is 25, 26. Jeez. How do you? Wow. Good for him for getting addicted to meth and then being gay and OnlyFans for a little bit. He's lived a life. He's lived a life.

He's done a lot of stuff in the last six, seven years, whatever it's been. Yeah, when I met him, obviously, like, his character is, I don't know. I don't know what you'd call it, but there's childishness to it. So I always assumed he was younger. And then when I met him, he's not a particularly big guy. So I assumed he was, like, 17 years old. Yeah, I thought he was young. When people said he had an OnlyFans, I was like, oh, that sounds like an OnlyFans problem.

Like, he can't be letting kids on the platform. So he did that, what, three years ago ago so he had to have at least been he has to at least be 24 no we look we looked at i thought we didn't hear but we must have on the run uh it's his age is 25 26 like they don't know exactly um for, good for, good for Skatch for, uh, beating addiction. Yeah. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Do we know for sure if he's done with it? Seems like he's good. Seems like he's good. Yeah. Good for him. Good for him.

Yep. Uh, next topic was Big Bang Bang. I don't even know why I let you, like, like, you're crazy pale. Huh?

Yeah, but I'm always pale. This is me. Like, like you're crazy pale. Huh? Yeah, but I'm always pale. This is me. Like, like, yeah, it's not fun to try and make fun of you because you're just like, you're comfortable with yourself and shit.

That must be nice. What was the decision behind all the whole, I like it, but the whole beige outfit today? Leather shoes, not fun to go wear barefoot. Gotcha. decision behind all the whole I like it but the whole beige outfit today leather shoes not fun to go wear barefoot gotcha so

I put socks on but you're in all beige that shirt's white that's a white shirt that's white I would say they're brown pants white shirt

okay no yeah the light right now is I didn't notice until now but the light makes it kind of look

all kind of blend into one but it's good this is literally going to show up in that scene tomorrow. So, I haven't told you guys this, but I spent the whole week just laying by the pool. And while I was there, I was listening to a lot of music. And through that music, I was just playing songs i like and stuff and then i was i started thinking i thought what are my four mount rushmore albums but i can't call them out rushmore that's a part of my take thing so whatever we want to call them my top four albums all the time it's all off the top of my head uh what are your top four albums all the time guys i like this give me a

second to think about it actually You would think that Give me a second I'll list mine That's a great idea Boy oh boy Holding my feet to the fire here If I had to guess I'd say my top four albums all time

Take This To Your Grave Fall Out Boy No skips on that August and Everything After Counting Crows time take this to your grave fall out boy no skips on real yeah it's a good one uh august and everything after counting crows three would be i'm forgetting 34th and 8th oar a masterpiece of a live album and then i'd probably go tell us what folklore but it's just edged out uh take off your pants and jacket blink 182, is it hard for you to decide? Is it hard for you to decide between the Taylor Swift albums? No, it's

really not. I love them all, but Evermore and Folklore, that's a different one for me. I have to feel. Jackie, your four. Well, you would think that i would be more prepared after our rehearsal jackie only listed two the first time around forgetting the second one i can't even think of the second one i don't have me either first one is um i would say and this might be recency bias. Billy Eilish hit me hard and soft for a new album.

Yeah, that's a good one. This is going to be super annoying for the fans. No, we weren't going to keep this shtick up. Just for this, you guys have to react genuinely to my story that I have coming up. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course. Steve, what about you? Let me take a guess for Steve. I think I'd go Kids by Mac Miller

Okay Blue Slide Park by Mac Miller Ah two Mac Millers Wait for what's next Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen And then Letter to You by Bruce Springsteen Bruce Bruce and Mac

That's all we got Which is 15 year old Steve has heard of two artists What do you think of Mac Miller? Uh huh what do you think of mac miller uh-huh mac miller i i don't love him i don't dislike him i i don't you know not my not my genre so it's not i don't really have a ton of opinions however he does have more memorials than anyone i've ever met in my life and i'm never, no, I have met them. Every day on Twitter, there's a new album dropped or a picture or a Jay-Z tweet, for instance,

a death, a birth. That's five. Yeah, that one played better live. I still don't have my other two. Pavs' I'll speak for him Was Blonde by Frank Ocean And I actually don't know if I forget the other one

I know you said Sour but you got that later Sour definitely Well I said that first You spoke for me No I said that for myself Oh really? Yeah Let's just call it S. That's our one pick.

Okay. Sorry. I just got like, I went like cross-eyed trying to see if I was like looking through Jackie. It was just the wall. You know what? You ever been like standing close to a net and your eyes are kind of like, wait, what am I looking at right now? And the outside was like, wait, is it the, oh.

Wait, it's like, you know how the pitcher needs like a black spot in the back of the outfield so they can see the ball or a hitter needs the black in the back you need that to see Jackie the podcaster Jackie

I don't think I've seen that Jackie Mason before though is it out of your system yet you guys just keep going just get it all out no no no

it's gotta be real that was all I had. Um, what one thing I am worried about with my appearance is, dude, this eye is like coming out of the socket. What? So I saw something on this that like if you use a certain eyelash serum, like your eye will start coming out of your socket. And I said, fuck it.

I don't care. I want my eyelashes. like your eye will start coming out of your socket and i said fuck it i don't care i want and now i like recently i've been like not able to um like this eyes like i'm kind of like why does it feel like stretched out like it just feels like my eyelids don't fit over my eye anymore and i felt it and now you can feel that this one's clearly bulging out of the eye socket so you can't see it from like the human, but you can kind of see it in photos. Yeah, no, I think now you're saying it. No. Okay, but anyways.

Now that I'm saying it, you look like a cartoon is getting brought a cake. So what might be happening is you might think, Jackie looks weird. It must be because she's pale. That certainly might be part of the problem. The other part of the problem might be that my eye is falling out of my head. You look like Max Dogg. You got a knucklehead. You got a knucklehead.

I don't know why I just gave you more ammo, but I just wanted to come clean about it. Ah-ooh! Ah! This is going to be an audio-only episode. You should just blur yourself I'm like oh sorry It messed up The video messed up

I'm like Steve fucked up again Okay next topic Next topic Paps how was your week? I had a pretty uneventful week but i went out to mod talk i do the same shit every year but i have one specific story you guys aren't gonna believe this truly this was a good one tell this one real tell this one real this is a great story i'm at a mod talk and one of the days i was out there i'm at a bar and i find a kid's wallet and i'm looking

all over for him after a couple hours i find him in the middle of the bar i go hey buddy i got your wallet now he says i gotta repay you i gotta pay you back so i think he's gonna like maybe get me a drink or maybe give me a hundred dollars no he says sit down i gotta tell you a great story so we're sitting down in the middle of the bar and he goes when i was younger when i was like 15 16 i realized that ryan reynolds and blake lively lived right next to me so once a week him and his buddies would drive in a truck and they would basically take a baseball bat and knock down Ryan Reynolds' mailbox. They said he did this like five, six, seven times until one day, same routine. They all get in the pickup truck, and they go to knock over, knock down Ryan Reynolds' mailbox.

But Ryan Reynolds cemented his mailbox into the ground, and it basically broke both of his arms where he had to be in a cast for the rest of the summer. Now it is a hilarious thought that Ryan Reynolds was just letting this shit happen up until the point that he had enough of it and he cemented his mailbox into the ground. It is the

he probably let it go on for the summer. Yeah. If that amount of time Because it probably takes a week to get the mailbox. Yeah. If that amount of time. Because it probably takes a week to get the mailbox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not immediate. Or at some point, you just start ordering them in bulk. But he'd walk out and be like, just head down back to the garage,

throw the fucking mailbox over his shoulder. But he probably let it go on for the summer. And then the first one in October, he was like fuck this apparently this kid lives here he's not just some piece of shit who's out here on the like september you said september 11th oh we gotta redo that i forgot i'm mixing up podcasts yeah that's right i had mentioned september 11th yeah it probably i didn't wait till october whatever i told a joke earlier it was about 9-11 it was funny um multiple 9-11 jokes yeah it's a standard podcast um but the the thing with ryan because ryan reynolds is like he's like one of the most beloved famous guy he has the two markets that are that demand appreciation which is he has marvel and he has taylor swift those you once you have those two

parties you can be whatever the fuck you want like i would i would imagine in ryan reynolds's life he deals with no bullshit he's's beloved. I love Ryan Reynolds. Since Van Wilder. Except Pabst has been. Exactly. I don't like Ryan Reynolds. But him going out there every week. Which is why he was getting me jacked up when this kid was telling me.

I was like, fuck Ryan Reynolds. He's like, God damn it. He did it again. Doing something so small it's so funny like just like sending their their american express bills across the street i would like i i've never thought of torturing somebody before and making their lives miserable but if I were to do it I would do it to someone beloved. That is one of those way funnier.

Like if you do it to I walked out of my apartment the other day someone was taking a shit on the front steps a human being taking a shit on the front steps and I just stepped over and I was like that's about how it goes and that's the kind of life i lead but ryan reynolds has a very different life and he like who who would it be who's someone who it's like like even taylor swift i think would be like i get it yeah i not i get it

but i know i have some football fans i don have haters I don't know if Ryan Reynolds Has a group that hates him I think everyone's like he's pretty God damn Jack Black Jack Black would be an awesome I was just fucking TPing Jack Black's house every day That'd be so fucking funny But even Jack

Yeah Jack Black's pretty There's no one that hates Jack Black Did we talk about this on the show I looked at Jack Black's Wikipedia recently I's no one that hates Jack Black. Did we talk about this on the show? I looked at Jack Black's Wikipedia recently. I feel like I was saying this... I don't think I was saying it in the car, though. I don't think we were saying it on the podcast.

What was it again? Jack Black's the third most important Wikipedia in his family. Really? His mom... I think his mom either got Apollo 11 back to Earth or landed Apollo... No, got Apollo 13 back to Earth or landed Apollo. No, got Apollo 13 back to Earth or landed Apollo 11. It's one of those.

She was like a NASA engineer. And then his brother is something big too. Yeah, look at his whole goddamn family. He's got a Wikipedia. Parent, Judith Love Cohen. Click that right there up there,ve where is it one one down a little bit down there it's over to the right oh yeah yeah she like i forget exactly what it is she did but she had she had something to do

with uh here it is uh american airspace she was an electrical engineer on the minute man missile the science her work on the abort guidance system is credited with helping save Apollo 13 that's insane that's fucking wild

do you think that Jack Black is his real name uh I'm gonna go with no it's a cool ass name but it would say

on his Wikipedia it'll say what his real name is if it's not Thomas Thomas Jacob Black. Yeah. Oh, cool.

I was supposed to say he talked about Jack Nicholson, but Jack Nicholson. Jack Black's 54? Holy shit. Wait, what? I would have thought he was 65. I would have, yeah. Wait, how old was he in School of Rock? Must have been like 30-something.

Yeah. 30. That makes sense. That's crazy. I love Jack Black, but I would have guessed he is. I mean, Tenacious D, that was 30 years ago. So that was when he's, I guess, in his 20s. Have you guys seen that guy on TikTok where you can click?

Somebody gives him two words, and he goes to Wikipedia page with the first word, and then he has to click around on the hyperlinks until he gets to the second word? That was a drinking game we played in college. Oh, really? Yeah. That's cool. I drank a lot.

It's a lot harder than you think. What was the drinking? It'd be like you'd get two things and then you have to connect. You have to get to that one and every page you had to click, you had to take a sip. Oh, really?

Yeah. I've never played this game. Yeah, I think it was just like me and my roommates. I don't know. It was my roommate's idea. I don't know where he heard it from. It's also funny to think that Ryan Reynolds reynolds has like i told you this yesterday just like a normal like mailbox mailbox yeah wooden stick you would think that he would

have something cooler or maybe more like protected yeah like i have a metal mailbox i'm at home i'm home yeah yeah the i you know what we i i didn't think about and i don't know why it just struck me the idea of the kid going around like that must be i there's no good time to be in a cat whether there's no good time in the summer to be in a cast but if you're walking around all summer full cast what happened you happened. You're not going to believe this. I was beating the shit out of Ryan Reynolds' mailbox pretty regularly.

And it turns out he decided to get to have a fight back. C cemented the thing into the ground deep, deep. Which is fair on his part because he did it five times. That kid must have been cleaning up. 16-year-old kid tormenting fucking celebrities. Yeah, that gets pussy. Was he in a double arm cast? Double arm.

He said he was like this. Was it the ones that connect? I don't know. I didn't ask him too many questions after that. I was laughing too hard. What color do you think it was? Probably Jackie's skin tone. And it makes you just laugh every time.

It's so easy. However, another thing we did touch on earlier, but I want to bring up again i almost love the idea of having a story that you kind of just like tell the people who've done you a little favor yeah i got a story for you because if you got something like that that's a gold story yeah that's unbelievable but let me tell you what i told that story to a bunch of people it's way more useful when you work on a podcast because i told that to a lot of people like that's so funny and then like they genuinely enjoyed it but it was like but they're still they're going home

they're telling someone they're telling someone telling their mom i met this kid the other day what story would you use this currency i don't know the answer to that i don't know the answer to that. I don't know the answer to that. Today I walked in and Fights was just staring at the ceiling doing absolutely nothing. How about when you walked in yesterday? Yeah, what was that?

Nothing. It was like some weird casting couch. Yeah, I lay on the couch and I i just what do you want me to do i mean i guess it's not that weird honestly in retrospect but like seeing it in the moment which is like god like i can't tell if you have a lot or nothing going on i don't know yeah that's a great question i don't know I actively think all the time. I'm like, there's no way that everyone's head is this loud because it would be talked about more. Like, I'm, oh my God, I'm drowning in thoughts. It's all the fucking time. It doesn't stop.

And I'm like, the people would be talking about this. It's an insane amount. The people would be talking about this. You're like Nate Hands for that that the people would be talking about this do you know why he does that why does he feel the need to yeah i i don't like the way i talk i talk a lot with my hands i don't like it but yeah um nothing's worse than watching a video of yourself talking yeah when you know you're not on camera i do like i have like i'll like bend my fingers like this um but uh yeah i was laying on the couch i wasn't doing anything all right summer is in full swing and you know what that means temperatures are hot

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i feel like for a while ago there was a clear number one pick on who hollywood's golden boy was i personally i thought it was timothy chalamet i feel like he was the one that had the ticket to be like the next leo but i feel like within the last couple years i feel like it's glenn powell you feel like it's glenn powell but glenn powell is coming on the scene we have had the research uh the glenn powell come onto the scene um austin butler's kind of had had a moment um who else did i say glenn powell coming onto the scene is weird because he's been an actor his whole life yeah and he just he just got, like, anointed. I guess when Tom Cruise anoints you, it's... You get anointed.

I don't know. He'd been in stuff. I recognized him. But, like, Top Gun 2 was his moment. I think Set It Up was what got him... It was, like, his, like... He's in Set It Up? Is he one of the stars?

Yeah, he's, like, the main character guy. He's the one who lives with Pete Davidson? Yeah. Oh. So I saw Set It Up, but I saw it before I knew who Lin Powell was. So that was kind of. Set It Up is a great movie. Is it great?

You would love it. Yeah. I mean, I've seen it. I'm just saying. I thought it was great. I think it's like one of the only. Whoa! Okay.

That was so dramatic. I didn't even flip. Neither Whoa! Okay. That was so dramatic. I didn't even flinch. Neither of us flinched. That was so late. Like, as I was moving, I was like, Whoa! You guys! The cameras are broken for this episode.

No one gets to see Jackie. No, it's just like the first 20 minutes that for some reason they're broken in. That was so weird. Like, literally, as I was popping up, I was like, dude, you're already dead. Are you okay? That was nice. You seemed fairly genuine. No, it's just like you seem rattled. No.

To answer your question, Powell is probably the – you're probably smartest to choose Powell despite the fact that he's oldest by a long shot, I imagine. He is. I think everyone else is probably mid-20s, right? Well, Glenn Powell is. But he's 35. He's 35, yeah. But everyone else I think is probably mid-20s. How about Austin Butler? The list that I had was Chalamet, Butler, Elordi, Keoghan, and Powell. And we'll also throw Paul Mescal in there.

Yeah, Mescal in there too, yeah. So I feel like those are the six that are, like, popping off right now. Who are you taking – Oh, Butler's 32? Yeah. God damn, he looks good. He's a Disney kid too, right? Yeah, he's been around for a while.

I can't believe I just said he looks good because I – Someone told me very recently. I was at – uh actually when i was at the wedding in france and i was sitting next to this guy just we're just talking at the table and uh he was looking high and i said something like i'm like i'm 35 yeah you're 35 god you look good i was like 35 is not like the age you first of all i look 35 yeah second of all like 35 is too young to be like, you look good for your age. Yeah. Like I wouldn't even say 30, 30. Sure.

But the, like, I wouldn't, I don't think someone, if someone told me they were 46, I wouldn't be like, wow, you look good for 46. Like, for you, like, that's like, you're probably going to look the same when you're 30, when you're 46. Yeah. I'm going to start smoking cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah. Um um i started smoking cigarettes recently yeah yeah pretty good um i saw the bike riders recently so my answer is austin butler uh i didn't really i didn't

i don't really know him much of other aside from his last three movies. Elvis I turned off. Fucking Dune 2 obviously is awesome. But that's almost like he's playing such an extreme character that you're like, I don't even know if this is good acting or not. Right? Because he looks so... He doesn't look like himself. His eyes are black. It's almost hard to be like, is this good?

He was great. But it's almost like I couldn't... It's one of those things where it's probably almost easier to be like a crazy character that's not like you at all exactly yeah then but then in the bike riders he's like a brooding like a lot of his his acting is like eyes and shit like that and it's fucking it's it's really good i really really like the bike riders the more i talk about it the more i'm like fuck that was a good movie what it's about just like it's actually the true story of a motorcycle uh club in the late 60s in chicago um i believe it was the chicago vultures um and it was started by tom hardy's character who was just a businessman who liked motorcycles he wasn't he was a family man liked motorcycles

like ride motorcycles like talk about motorcycles started. Started a motorcycle club. The club then kind of spiraled and became a gang more than a club. And it's kind of the story of that. What is it? Is it the Vultures? Vandals. Chicago Vandals. But it was good. I really liked it.

Oh, look at that. It looks like it already made money. Or it's about to. Budget, $30 to $40 million. Box office, $29.7 million. I do love the fact, by the way, that it seems like, and I don't remember the other generation of actors, so I'm literally talking out of my ass.

It seems like the young generation of actors like doing like small movies too yeah there's a lot of Vinny Chases right now I feel like there's what a lot of Vinny Chases but I feel like he did big movies he did but he loved the indies no more indies yeah he tried to do

he tried to do but they're doing them like I think like him doing like it's a small budget movie if the budget for the movie is 30 to 40 million yeah you gotta imagine he got like three million for it yeah right like i imagine hardy got a bigger bigger salary and then another 20 million to go or another 15 why do you think because they want to be like distinguished actors i think it's just like like doing movies yeah

it's like because like all this is like when i when i say that i mean like this is not green screen and stuff like that like you're being in the place and all that shit like all this is it's obviously very low budget but you can tell watching it it's like it's all shot on location and shit like that um i think it's cool that a austin but Butler does it, and B, Tom Hardy is the fucking man. He's so cool. He seems like he has no interest. He just likes doing movies. He doesn't really have a...

But then, I mean, he does do Venom, but the... Yeah, that's crazy. Like, most of the stuff he does, it's like, damn. Most of Tom Hardy's movies, not all of them, obviously. There's Dark Knight Rises. This is War. It's my favorite this was fantastic so yeah maybe maybe i feel like everything i'm saying you could probably uh take down in like a single google search but i feel like a lot of tom hardy movies i wouldn't see unless tom hardy was in it what's the movie

where he has like a twin brother that's legend okay is that good um i don't know but they do have my favorite movie poster of all time um because if you pull up the legend movie poster they have um the uh they had stars for like all the ratings around it. See if it puts stars in the search. Click on the one with the red circle. I've seen this before. This one? Yeah. It's a two-star review, but they just put it in the middle of them.

We love that. There's a bunch of five-star reviews and a bunch of four-star reviews, and it's an actual two star review between their heads so it doesn't look like a two star review um i think that's funny um but yeah i'd probably go austin beller i was very impressed with him in uh in the bike riders jackie um you would think also after rehearsal i would have an answer for this i i think glenn powell i'm powell i'm going i'm going to lordy lordy yeah yeah yeah he's too tall i think you think so because he can't play a ton of roles yeah like you gotta think of that he's like six

five right six seven or something like that yeah Yeah. Because he's not 6'7". No, he's 6'4". 6'4"? Yeah. How tall is Barry Keoghan? Barry Keoghan? He's got to be like 5'7", I bet. No, I mean, he's, I think, as tall as Sabrina Carpenter's 4'11".

Jacob already is 6'5", and then 5'8". 5'8", wow. Interesting. He, I don't know if he's going last long that might be a hot take he's got some of the worst style yeah i almost like it how bad it is it is uh you don't think he's gonna last i i just don't know i get like kind of a weird vibe from him but i mean also that's like his his draw so maybe yeah is he he gives off a weird vibe but for some reason like okay he's a great actor though he's really incredible yeah i haven't i haven't seen salt burn so i guess i know it's a show all the

time yeah and i kind of just nod my head i'm like yeah i've never seen it that's crazy yeah i feel like you'd like it um you would love salt burn down i always feel so flattered when people say that like i think i don't know why like i don't know why that is it's such a compliment when someone thinks of you like no that's all you yeah yeah thank you the um yeah watch all burn tonight do you think that i always think do you think that like actors play actor um do you think that, like, actors play actor jokes on each other? Like, if somebody were to, like, write in the script, and only Gary's script about, like, fucking the grave. And they're like, yeah. Like, you have to do it.

And he's like, are you sure? And then you've done it. Well, he did it. I know, he did that. And everyone's probably like, is he fucking with us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, that makes me, like, I wonder if, like, that happens where like they write they write something in the script just for one person that'd be a fun little actor well the another thing we talked about and that's kind of a great

segue um danny devito with the cast of sunny yeah when the cast of sunny wrote an entire script yeah to just fuck with him to make him think he was getting raped every scene. Which reminds me of another Danny DeVito. I really like. Just put it in. No, Charlie Day telling the Danny DeVito Coke story is just a great story. There's no commentary needed. Yeah.

We talked about it earlier. It's a great story. I feel like also in the actor world, it's not talked about enough. Like a Sidney Sweeney, Glenn Powell situation where they're kissing on screen and what that does to a relationship. I don't think the actors are talking about that enough what do you mean like like with if your co-star if you're dating somebody like if i was dating a guy and he was had to like go on screen and kiss sydney sweeney i would be like oh i definitely don't love that. You know? And I feel like I never hear the toll it takes on the actors in Hollywood.

And I think it's weird that it's not talked about that much. Do you know what I mean? I agree with that. I would like to hear a lot more about that. Are they just all super confident people? Yeah, probably. I would guess there's also probably a... The money helps? Yeah. That's the point.

You have to kiss Angelina Jolie? Yeah, they're giving me $20 million. Yeah. Okay. Will you buy me something? Yeah. But I still wouldn't be stoked about him having the kiss angela and julie i'd be like just but they also like in like they don't fucking use tongue

i don't i don't you want to go kiss someone and not use your tongue go fucking kiss whoever you want what do you mean they're not like like they don't use like tongue It's all mouth. I guess. Is tongue what you need? Tongue makes... It's not erotic until tongue's touched. It's just kind of this weird body position until tongue's touched. And then you're like, whoa, buddy. Right?

I agree with that completely. Yeah, I like with this girl and she's like we just gotta just kiss but no tongue then you'd be like it does nothing but like and she's like you could kiss me for an hour and a half it's not we might as well well be holding hands this is gonna do nothing other than annoy me frankly like where's your goddamn fucking tongue okay yeah but they definitely use tongue

I don't think I think industry standard is no tongue. I'm sure there are movies that go different. It sounds like eighth grade to be like, yep, I use hella tongue. You're not Frenching me?

Get out of here. Yeah, no, I agree. I have no use for English kisses. Just give me that fucking Parisian shit. I mean well fuck you um okay that went uh oh uh out now uh is the tommy smokes art gallery go watch it um i am part of it is a very fun night tommy fucking bamboozled me, and he had asked me. It's literally entirely my fault. I just didn't read the text. But he was like, do you want to be part of my art gallery show?

I said, sure. I thought that there was an art gallery. I figured people looking at paintings, there's nothing I can do there. I'm sure I'm just there to fill out background and make a lot of people were there uh i later learned that that is not the on the day of i learned that that is not the case i will be performing at the show uh and it was me and pat and it was pat was playing quite quite believably a gay man and uh and i was a straight man telling him he was being gay wrong and then he flips out and it was kind of some art piece about how

mainstream media culture and straight people have hijacked uh pride month and made it all about them and blah blah blah whatever it there there was some meaning to all of tommy's r is what i'm saying and i i have to doff my cap to the art community because this was at a real gallery and it was uh put on by a real artist level up from tommy or at least a real gallery owner i don't know exactly what he does and i think tommy's goal of the video you'd have to ask tommy but i would imagine it was either to a trick the art community into showing them what fucking frauds they are and going haha you thought that was real art it's not i'm a fucking joke prankster and or it was to get them to be so riled up about this embarrassment to art that they stormed off. And neither happened.

They sniffed it out right away. Immediately. That it was not real art. And then they just had fun. They were just like, great sports. Had a good time. They were laughing while Tommy was crawling on the ground, like, moaning and shit. And Marty and Rhea were kissing for way too long.

And me and Pat were were kissing for way too long. And me and Tom, me and Pat were arguing about gay stuff. And Meek, Meek just laying there the entire time. It's so funny. He just called Meek up on stage, dumped a bucket of rice on him. And then he just laid there the rest of the show.

But it was great. And I really, I've said it many times since like i was incredibly impressed by the art community where they were just like a bunch of old people because again it was a real art gallery that sent a mailing a mailing list a real email to their real mailing list and was like there's an art show tonight come check it out and i i thought they were going to be furious and storm off i probably would have been like a fuckingano and Archo and you get these fucking assholes. You think you would have stormed off?

No. Well, not a chance in hell. But in theory, sitting on this couch, I would tell you I would have wanted to. I would have sat there the whole time. Do you think if Tommy wasn't dressed as how he was that they would have sniffed out as fast? Like, he's dressed as what you you fake a hundred percent i don't think he knew that i think he was like i'm dressing like an artist like you're dressing like a costume of an artist yeah like with the fucking beret and all that shit um but it was i got i i don't know why

i i guess i didn't hold the art community in high regard. But I was like, they were just cool, fucking rad people who would just have a few drinks. They were like, 80-year-old women were doing Pink Whitney shots. It was a good time. But that's that. I feel like there was one more thing. There was. No, don't. I can see.

Okay. No, it's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about you. He's a narcissist. Zero Colors. I can see. Okay. No, it's not about you. It's not about you. She's talking to you. She's a narcissist. Wait. Zero Killers? Zero Killers.

Oh, we didn't talk about Zero Killers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your take on Zero Killers? I just think, so I watched a trailer the other day for a show called, I don't remember actually, but it is about, it's a Hulu documentary. I watched the trailer because I thought it was a show. It's about the woman who Anna Borg, I think her name is, plays on Mindhunter. The woman who kind of started the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI.

And they're showing all the greatest hits throughout the whole thing with like Ted Bundy, Ed Kemper, Charles Manson, Son of Sam, Zodiac, all these guys. And I was just like, well, where are the fucking... Where are the people striking fear into America today? Why aren't there tons of... Nobody wants to work anymore. Like, I just don't... It's hard to have these kind of conversations

because this is a conversation. This is like a... You know what I mean? When we're storytelling and talking talking it's easy to repeat like i can't just give you guys the same questions i've now thought about it though do you think that there's like enough stuff on the internet for these like psychos to get off to that like they're not getting off to you know no there's enough heart now you don't think so i don't i mean i feel like if you're a killer the killing's a pretty big piece yeah but like maybe you like

can watch some killing and you're like, I feel better. I think that would just make you, you know what I mean? Like, I watch a party video. I'm like, beer would be pretty good. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put on a pump-up song. I'm not like.

But you're also like somebody who's like, I have to jerk off. And then you watch porn. And then you're good. Yeah, yeah. That's a good rebuttal. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of

like I'd my uber idea what I do like that you i saying oh it's like my uber situation where um if you want to if you have a need to kill somebody what are you just thinking about how pale i am ah i get it no i'm not i'm not go on please okay okay i it's like my uber situation where i wait sorry side note um just can you just say whatever's on your mind It's like my Uber situation where I... Wait, sorry, side note. Can you just say whatever's on your mind? It's like... It's just killing me inside. And the fear is stricken and I... It's nothing.

It's nothing. It's nothing. You're looking down at my socks. Your socks are crazy, dude. Here they go. Why? They're so gray. You only wear doll socks.

No, no. Oh, my God. I specifically bought not doll socks. This is the first time I'm wearing doll socks in a long time. Second of all, okay, yeah, sue me. I put them in with my colors. So they're a little gray. Were those your white ones? No. second of all okay yeah sue me I put them in with my colors dirty they just like I put them in with jeans and so they have a little bit like a gray tint

those look like the socks that Judy Garland hung out at the start of Wizard of Oz before they got to fucking Oz and it was in color. You washed those in a bucket and then ran them over a washboard and hung them up. First of all, it's a Gen Z thing to wear high socks is what all the kids are doing

these days. Just Rose fights his socks. Yeah, I go over the cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. you you don't like the camera that's i don't like the camera there's nothing we can do it's not just the camera i don't like this this really bothers me so much yeah i don't like when you can see skin between the sock and the pant there's nothing i can do about that but that i will say that looks it makes you it ages you a few years that's okay with me dad it's just like how are you so comfortable with yourself you shouldn't be

um i don't know what i was saying something i think that if you okay this is like a new uber situation this is definitely like not pc but i think that if you like are having thoughts of ending it there's a lot of need for people who like don't uh care about their life maybe in science yeah in like you know pretty much science yeah there was other ones but i think that there should be like a little uber situation where it's like you sign up and you can you can it's like a task rabbit but with if you're gonna if you don't care about your life yeah then you don't let someone kill you uh no but that could be part of it you get a lot of money for that but like mostly like science yeah or like uh we need somebody to like hang these lights that are you have a 50 chance

of like surviving but like but why would they have a will to do that if they don't want to live um because it's like what else am i gonna do yeah might as well make someone's day a little better maybe get some money out of it and then like spend it i don't really know i like it um it's i'll work on the model a little bit better but like i think that there's something there i kind of i kind of think we stumbled upon a better one if you can just put like they're killers yeah and there are people who are willing to be killed yeah and you're like yo do you think they would get the same thing out of it though well that's i also had that idea before i was saying that there are people who want to kill and there's people who like want the like fbi needs to be trained right or like cia needs to

be trained so you have people who like pretend to be trained. So you have people who are like pretend to kill, like how a serial killer would kill. And you hire them, but you just don't actually do the killing. But what I'm saying with the people who don't want to live anymore, you can actually kill them. Yeah. We can collab. Yeah.

Look, we've all had thoughts before. The biggest detriment is being like, I don't want everyone to know I killed them. i don't want my family to kill myself like that would suck pretty good way out of that i didn't think of that that's a movie that's a movie script that's good yeah i didn't fucking kill myself i maybe i signed up for a little thing on the dark web that linked me up with Steve Jones down the street who has a penchant for hanging people. He's got an itch he needs to scratch. Maybe that's also to my lights hanging up. It's like you get a 50% chance that you you live but also the allure is you get a 50

chance that you can die yeah then you get to go out like being like oh i was just doing my tasks that's a great idea though the which one both of ours yeah the uh i saw a funny clip of Colin Terrell's podcast. Fuck, who was on it? I forget who it was. I remember Dan Carney talking about getting the task. They're like, being so not manly that you don't know how to tie a noose. Call a task, grab it over, and be like, can you find, like, which one of those pipes? Probably support, like, I don't know, my body weight. That was very funny.

I like that clip a lot. I guess that's it. I guess we'll go to voicemails. Say hi to Can Social Tonics. My friends, let me tell you how many cans I drank over the past week. A lot. About two a day. Can Social Tonics, what they are, they spike their seltzers with weed.

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for you guys. I know. Should we do the same ones? Alright. Hey guys. First thing I gotta go through. So, called in a couple weeks ago about cowboy boots to john i hope you got the cowboy boots because as previously mentioned they rock secondly kevin you were like oh this guy's head's shaped like a triangle kevin i'm just fat okay and i sweat a lot

so i cut my hair short so it doesn't get so messed up we exist i wore a hat this time but i just want you to know we exist second thing speaking of being fat i had some baked beans fucking really good jackie you and i are on the same page those things rock what's the most underrated food that you guys eat and will die on a hill on for me it's's baked beans. They're delicious. That and oysters. Alright, thanks. Bye. Alright, so yeah, I agree with this. Baked beans are fucking fine. I don't like baked beans. Baked beans, you know,

I like all kinds of legumes. I actually talked shit a little earlier about a lima bean, but I like that. I like a kidney bean. I like all the beans. Baked beans, though, are by far the best in fact over how do you feel about chickpeas chickpeas i like don't love i like them more almost like my favorite type i love really but i like them like i like tomatoes in the sense that i prefer it as ketchup i prefer it as hummus okay um hummus is definitely better than chickpeas but like As a kid I used to go in there

Handfuls of chickpeas Really I am like popcorn A lunatic you are I probably wouldn't Admit that Oh by the way Speaking of things

I wouldn't admit Fucking Nicky Smoke Ripping Nine Cavities Is Crazy

Business Dude That is wild I was born Without enamel And I don't think I ever had nine cavities in my mouth. I never had a cavity. I've never had a cavity either. But I also just haven't gone to the dentist for like five years. I actually can see a cavity that I have right now.

Really? But I haven't gone to the dentist, so you can't have a cavity if you don't get a cavity. What you do is you start eating on the other side of your mouth, somehow it fixes itself and then you can start doing that again the other side again i have them on both sides technically i i don't know if it is but i have giant giant holes yeah i my dentist my orthodontist told me like my teeth were gonna be nubs by the time i'm 40 and she said there's nothing i could do about it so that's something i have to look forward to i guess story your aisle fall jackie's gonna look like the guy in jaws a little tender eyes

wait put your hand like this real quick. And talk like this. No, put that sweatshirt on. It'll add a little color to your face. Oh, my God. Let's get this done. Next voicemail. I have a voicemail-like question.

Okay. I have I have like a voicemail like question Okay If you were to eat a human The way that you eat a chocolate bunny Like if it was a chocolate human What body parts would you go to? Titties Okay I don't think that would be that fun Like I think

You would have to like Yeah yeah yeah That would not be fun What? How do you eat a titty no I'm talking about if it was like a miniature like like a chocolate

like a chocolate like if the chocolate is this big oh so it's not it's not a life size human is it made of chocolate or person it's made of chocolate

yeah like you would have to like I don't really care flesh is flesh it's small right I don't really care. Flesh is flesh. It's small, right? I guess it's the same. I don't know.

Like, I would do, like, head would be fun to. Head would be the most. It would be the best. It would be the best. I think I'd break off all the limbs so I could just get the body. Yes. I agreed with everything you just said. I could tell he's not catching up here. No, I'm catching up.

I'm just like, oh. I don't know. Yeah. You don't seem to really understand the question. I think it's a little too highbrow. I think I just bite it like I bite a bunny. I just bite its head off. I thought this was.

But you bite the ears off of the bunny. You get the ears first, yeah. Yeah, but there's no ears. There's no head. I go ears and then then I go basket. The little basket backpack that he has. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Well, that's

my order. Let's just play the next. Okay, so for this guy's voicemail, play. What up, boys? Got a story for you. So, last year in the month of september i had five weddings all different like weekends three of them being flying to and it was an absolute mess and the week before the third one which was going to be my brother-in-law's

we get a call saying hey hey, wedding's off. She decided to be crazy. I don't know, some bullshit. But in that moment, I was like, oh, sweet. I can like refund my flight. Awesome. Use it towards another one. And I realized, wait, I was actually supposed to go on a bachelor party that weekend.

So I can now go. Called up American, told them the situation. And instead of going to Vermont, where love is dead, I end up going to Vegas with the boys, which is awesome. Side note, saw Glennie Balls there, and he was dancing on some VIP table during John's Summit with just a whole bunch of smokes. Weird. on some vip table during john's summit with just a whole bunch of smokes weird but uh the question is when has someone's downfall or like the worst moment of their life ended up causing you the greatest moment of yours let me know man that's a tough question um i think the see this is it doesn't play as well now because we're already laughing. I don't know what the question is. Like, when did someone's misfortune go well for you?

Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. Oh. When I saw that teacher roll on TV on September 11th. I was excited. I was in seventh grade, I think, and I saw it. I was, like, sitting down for social I saw I was like sitting out for social studies I didn't want to take social studies and He was like I gotta be right back he brought TV in this

And then the eternal TV on Not so good And then as a day wore on and there were no more attacks coming and I started being like I guess go back to class now Did you ever feel guilty about that I still feel tremendous guilt about it I have yeah my first reaction to 9-11 was yes yeah that sticks with you

did they send you home no we stayed home Yeah, that sticks with you. That sticks with you. Did they send you home? No, we stayed home. We stayed in class the whole day. I remember going home. I don't know. I was really young. We were two. Two?

Maybe I don't remember that. I feel like I have some form of memory of going home. I remember vividly seeing the TV pop up, rolling glass, and I jumped up and I was like... I was like, dude, this is fucking sick! Yeah, but then the dread when you're like, nothing's been happening. This guy just starts talking about the Civil War. I'm like, pretty pissed. Nothing's been happening. This guy just starts talking about the Civil War. I'm pretty pissed.

If it's A, this guy starts trying to teach me again. Or B, there's another attack. I'm going B, everybody. Everybody. But yeah, then we were telling stories about all the weird stuff in our high schools. My high school used to get bomb threats every day. Not the high school I ended up going to for real, but the high school I went to my freshman year. From the late 90s to the early 2000s, they got a bomb threat every day. I had a school shooting threat one time.

Yeah, I didn't get that and we i had a test a history test that i did not study for was not prepared for and i had the thought at the start of the day i was like something needs to happen in between now and the time i take this test maybe it's i get sick maybe like something happens but i cannot take this test and then sure enough we were all in lockdown and And I was like, okay, thank you. Thoughts and prayers hurt. But the other thing was,

thoughts and prayers do do something. Okay, God. But no, nobody got hurt. And the guy didn't even like come into school. He was like, was that something like,

like I missed the school shooter trend. Obviously I had Columbine, but I think things have been pretty ramped up since then. Was that something you guys thought about in school? Like, ever considered? After Sandy, I was very scared. Really? Yeah, because we were young.

We were, like, what, in, like, third grade? Did you guys do, like, active shooter drills? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

But, like, when you're doing them, are you kind of like, this is pretty fucking morbid? Yeah. Really? Yeah. But when you're doing them, are you kind of like, this is pretty fucking morbid? Yeah. Well, it's also because the kid that's going to do it is also in the room doing the drills. Yeah. That's crazy. That's a great point. We're just teaching him where we're going to be

in a fucking cattle hold. You're giving the QB from the other team your entire defensive strategy. You're showing him tape. He's in the room. Let's call it what it is. It's going to be Steve. I just picked the name.

I really wasn't even thinking about you. I actually think I used Steve earlier, too. I did not mean that as you. I apologize. It's Steve earlier, too. I did not mean that as you. I apologize. It's going to be Bob. Can we at least make him wait in the hallway while we do this? That's very funny. Just the kid taking notes during the school shoot-and-drill.

We write it down, Bob. Don't worry about it. One kid's just asking way too many questions. This emoji is paying attention all year. He just sits in the back listening to Slipknot all the time. Now he's an ace, dude. What the fuck is going on?

The guy who was gonna do something to our school was the most quintessential looking. He was long black hair like like would wear all like goth you know like high boots like hello kitty backpack for some reason it was it was like you could sniff him out like if if we were doing school shooter like drills or whatever he would be like everyone would agree like let's just send him out um okay that would that is it that was uh that last

wasn't so good so we'll skip it um best day at work wow not today um best day at work. How did you go? When I was a caddy. I mean, it's not going to be this day. I got to work. I got my loop. I did one hole.

Guy gave me a beer. We slugged it together. And then he gave me $1,000. And then I went home. It was awesome. That's pretty cool. Nothing at this job was better than that. I've had some pretty fucking. Nothing at this job was better than that. I've had some pretty fucking great days

at this job. I mean, like, we... If it was this day, I would say the first day, the episode one

of Out of Order coming out was, like, definitely the best day. Yeah. Jackie? What would you say? Oh,

I don't have an answer. Um, I mean, like, with this job, like, technically, like,

when we were in LA and we, you know, like, with this job, like, technically, like, when we were in L.A. And we, you know, like, did stuff in L.A. Like, that was a work day. I can't think of a single. You literally are from L.A. Was he a fall guy? Like, that, not that L.A. trip. Like, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Oh, you know what's funny? You say that? I screenshotted this today. It just made me think of you. We all have that one friend on vacation who says, it's not that far. We can walk. And that's how we end up doing 25,000 steps in a day.

I'm that friend. Like, that was a great day. That was a great day. That was a day that I drank too much and then I was in the hallway

with my underwear down. Oh yeah, that's right. That was a fun week. And that was the day you drank too much and turned into a dragon. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But like, that was one day I was on the fucking clock. Haven't heard that since. I was on the fucking clock haven't heard that since I was on the clock did you control it after that

you guys are making me laugh and I shouldn't I yeah it's like it's like momentum I gotta like be out for a while

and get going I gotta be tired okay last thing before we go it's a segment I've talked to you guys about before I'm gonna do it

with one of you two okay wait what was it again oh the phone oh talked to you guys about before I'm going to do it with one of you two wait what was it again oh the phone wow you both knew it this was a great idea look at this photograph you do it so well

do it come on do it just sing the song because now it's like pressure's on did she actually do a good one I've never heard of it no I've never heard of it Come on Did you do a good one under her no I Oh, you don't know Jackie's got a great No, come on look at this photograph no with their heart look at this photograph

that wasn't that guy no it wasn't that's why now you should feel comfortable doing it you can't do it

like me how do you go I know you have to go first see if you go no look at this photograph

I was losing at the end well yeah you lost at the end for sure you turned a little burr. Jackie, you have to go. No, I actually...

I actually... I have to stand my ground on some things. And this is one of them. Okay, that's fair. Wow. I didn't know I could do that. So I was going to do between one of you two. We'll do Jackie has to do it.

This is a scary game. Okay. So the game is you have to scroll through your phone. You don't have to give your phone to another person. I know people are more protective of that and understandably so. Scroll through your album. We will say when to stop. Up, down, up, down.

And then on one of the visible pictures, you have to pick one and tell a story about it okay tell a story around it ready yep do i show the camera no no you don't know okay because i'm sure you've we're going way back i guess girls have so much i would be at the end of my camera oh stop yeah i was gonna let you go and then get you go. I was going to get him going back. Yeah. We're pretty far back. Okay, I have one. You got one? Yeah. All right.

So far, it works. That was only that long? Yeah. How many goddamn pictures do you think? Oh, my God. You guys, I have, let's see, 52,644. What? My camera was a fucking disaster because of you and Kevin. It's just all you guys. It's crazy. Oh, yeah. Well, you said 52,00044. What? My camera was a fucking disaster because of you and Kevin.

It's just all you guys. It's crazy. Oh, yeah. Well, you said 52,000? Yeah. Oh, my God. I just looked and was like, holy shit. I have 6,000.

What? Look at the top four people of my people. It goes me first, and then John, and then Kevin, and then Jackie. That's a good photo of me. You have 52,000 pictures? Yeah. It goes all the way back to, like, summer camp when I was... Yeah.

My phone only... My cloud... I only have, like, five in my cloud. And so every time I get a new phone, I just delete all of them and get a new one. But what do you mean? Like, what do you do with those? Don't you want to look back at photos? Literally never.

Yeah, you don't like, like, thinking about your past because you had some... I look at my photos all the time. Yeah. I like... I don't mind. It's just the phone,

the technology part of it that I don't like. If you were to hand me a pile of photos, I'd go through them. Yeah. If you had photos hanging on the wall,

I'd look at them. Such an old soul. The big long socks. It just doesn't feel... Honestly, you want to know why? I think because I know 99% of photos taken with an iPhone

are not taken with any care. It's just like... Yeah. Now you're right. If you're taking a photo with a camera, there's at least some attempt in it. Cameras are so back, by the way, when I was on vacation. Every single girl brought out a digital camera. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Okay, so what's your story?

Story of that? Yeah. I mean, you got to tell a story about it. Oh, okay. Well, this was john bald and no beard or whatever and when was this it was for an out of order it was right before 9-11 and we we gave uh we did a bald cap on fights yeah and then we did the bowling sketch and then what happened after that and then you guys came to my birthday party oh yeah straight from the sketch you nate and paps

and everyone kept asking um who are the two bald men that are sitting in the corner just don't worry about them they're gonna just stay in the corner so and it's in like one bald man it's like fine like it was my 24th birthday it's all 24 year olds fine you got one when you have two bald guys come in it's like it's jarring a group of 24 year olds like who are they and then you guys just stayed in the corner i was like oh my god at least try and be normal like it was i mean like we're in the corner talking to the bar owners yeah yeah yeah it wasn't but like for some reason you guys being like we're in the corner talking to the bar owners yeah yeah yeah like it wasn't but like for some reason you guys being like shoved in the corner was just like

like occasionally like you'd look up or you'd be like sipping like looking around and i would like someone would be like who's that and i would just be like it's i just know him from work he actually wasn't even invited to this yeah yeah um what's your birthday in september september that was uh i'm gonna be in sancho pay this year really nice you put in for that what you put in for that put in time for it yeah i did yeah and it's yeah it's for a wedding it's not for my birthday i was also joking kevin had sent a text over the break saying he didn't know if he put in for time. And I was like, fuck this.

No, I actually put it into ADP. Really? Yeah. Stop doing that. That's weird. The walking to that party was also when I walked by Josh Brolin. I had the urge to stop him and be like, just so you know, I'm not really bald. Sir, I respect you so much.

I don't want you to think you happen to walk by a bald man on the street. He's a very good actor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did any part of you want to be bald after that? Did you find it freeing? There was some freeingness to it for sure because there's not like it doesn't make me want to be bald because it i do not want this but it was a nice vacation of like i don't give a fuck what i look like because the story of me is bald guy yeah yeah you're

not gonna be like that guy was in gray socks he's like that dude was bald like when you're bald you know what the takeaway from someone seeing you is every time maybe that's my solution to get rid of the pale go britney yeah god that ball trick should get outside a little bit i i felt like that with the nose job like when when my nose was all like i had everything and like i was all puffy and everything i was just like well i'm just i'm ugly and like i can say whatever the fuck i want because yeah when i was going into eighth grade my first day right before my first day of school my dad used to cut my hair when i was younger and he's cutting my hair and the clip of the top part falls off and he puts buzzes like a big patch into the top of my head so we had to shave my

entire head and i was bald for like the first like two months of eighth grade like bald bald oh let me see if i have a picture yeah they call me cancer boy there's a really really dark time let me see if i can find a photo they call you cancer boy shut up oh let me see I don't know if I'll be able to find it but continue That's it We're done podcast over Thank you very much for bearing with us I actually think that ended up being a better podcast

We should practice Alright See you next week Adios Oh my god what's going on with your eyebrows oh he also fucked up the eyebrows too he kept going and then he actually

cut your eyebrows dude this kid was regularly asked to leave the room before school yeah alright guys Mikey you mind stepping outside we're gonna talk to the class for a second i had like the bieber cut before that too so like imagine going from bieber cut to that overnight

and having to go into eighth grade yeah is in fucking nightmares you look weird dude that kid you look you honestly kind of like benjamin but. You almost look older than you do right now. You look like you just drank. You look like your eyes are all red. You look there from crying. Dude, it's like you're like. You also just look like you just drank so much soda. You look like such a hyper.

Your head is so much bigger. Yeah. Like, you have, like, a very, like, boldest head. Egyptian, like... Thanks, guys. Whatever, at least you got some sun. All right. Adios.

All right, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, and leave a comment below. Click that button. Or I'll cut off my finger.