KFC Radio - Playin with Balls ft Henry Golding

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Rudy Joins us for the first part of the show where he and the guys discuss - fast food boners - pre-nap boners - airplane boners - curved dicks - stuffing your balls back into yourself - farting out your own balls - post nut clarity after you suck your own dick - Rudy getting sexually harassed at the gym - Answer the Internet - taking back a gift from a fake baby - telling my housemates to not leave animal feces on the kitchen sink - Voicemails - Pope Francis vs Dave Portnoy - fight hockey players vs other spots players - lose a sense, heighten a sense - 01:33:11 Henry Golding Joins us and talks to us about his new film, Snake Eyes, Crazy Rich Asians, Grabbing Ken Jeong's balls for way too long, and much more Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Your reaction time gets really fast. Like, so, in terms of the training... I had him! I had him! You were done! You were done! Sneaky mother... That's it!

I just beat up snake eyes, bro. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Feidelberg and Clancy, and we're joined by the Rude Boy. What's up? Rude Boy, welcome on. We've got a story to tell. We've got a story to tell. We've got to talk about some of the content you've been putting out.

Rudy's got big things ahead of him, man. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know about that. Rudy's going to be a star. Medium at best. Rudy's going to be a star. I can feel it. I'm going to, like, I feel like there's got to be guys out in Hollywood now who find these

TikTok kids and just sign them to a brutal I own your soul contract sort of thing and make them a star. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm going to do that to Rudy. I want to be there. I'm going to be like, here, just sign this, Rudy. And then when we blow you up, you're going to be like, wait, you get all the money? Yeah, that's honestly the dream.

The dream is to get fucked over by the corporate execs. I think everyone deep down in show business on some level wants to get sell your soul, get really big, and then get simultaneously eaten up by the industry and then spewed out the other side.

That's how the U.N. does some kinky shit. Beat me up, spit me out. It's a creation story. I mean, that is just kind of how it goes. You saw Scooter Braun got dropped by Ariana Grande, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, I wonder if it's all going to come to an end for Scooter Braun one day. I don't know.

You think he's just too powerful? He's got to like that? I've never really understood what Scooter Braun does. I mean, he doesn't do anything wrong. It's just like you said, this is how it goes. You sign the contract early on. They own your soul, and then eventually you're free of it, and Taylor Swift's just a big enough superstar that she's like,

I want to own my own records. But it's just like, I don't know, it's like how it works here. It's like you don't own the podcast. You don't own these things. You don't, you know, because you're part of a bigger thing. Her thing was she wanted the opportunity to buy. Yeah, so Scooter Braun never let her have a fair shot at buying them back. She was like, I'll pay whatever price.

And then he would always be like, too late. I already to this like hedge fund so that's kind of music to hedge funds yeah man oh yeah because like they get played in commercials they get played at stadiums they're just they're a money making tool you know it's not just a song to them it's like this is an investment that pays royalties and licensing fees and all that shit. So I think right now it is like an investment, like a private equity or a hedge fund or something like that that owns all of Taylor Swift's shit, which is like the most bastardizing thing you can do to music. She's like, this is my love and my craft,

and there's some scumbag, coked-up fucking hedge fund guy who's like, I'll buy it from you. I don't give a shit, Scooter. So yeah, this is the beginning of Rudy's rise to superstardom and the beginning of me owning his soul and all his money. This is a binding official contract that you're on the podcast. It's brought to you by Money Lion today. Eventually, you're going to need a loan

because I'm going to steal all your money from you, Rudy. And when you do, you can go to Money Lion. It's a badass financial app that has 7.5 million users right now that basically when life happens, Money Lion will be there for you. So when you have an unexpected expense, like, I don't know, you get hurt, you need to pay for money, or you crash your car, or something goes wrong and you got to pay up cash and don't have it they got you covered when maybe an opportunity arises and you need some money and you don't have it money lines got you covered they will give you uh up to uh 250 bucks at zero percent apr no questions asked does your bank do that if you walk into your bank right now and say give me 250 bucks and i'm gonna pay it back with zero percent interest what would they say to you rudy they'd be like no they'd be like no they'd be like no they'd be like no they'd be like for sure not dude but not at money line they say to you, Rudy? They'd be like, no. They'd be like, no. They'd be like, no. They'd be like, no.

They'd be like, for sure not, dude. But not at Moneyline. They say, here you go, no questions asked. So go to the App Store, download Moneyline today, and get that cashola. Rudy always seems to have some story. You know what I mean? That's why I just feel like there's always some weirdness

going on with you. Yeah. And this latest one is your, at the moment, it's your. Rudy was telling me actually earlier, I think it was last night. When was it? You were, what you did, like your, Rudy was going to go get dinner and then pissed his pants accidentally. Oh, yeah. And then, and then, and then it was like, well, I can't leave.

So we ordered McDonald's. Were you drunk? No, that was what was so sad about it. Yeah. Yeah. Fights got McDonald's for lunch. And I was like, dude, I got McDonald's. Were you drunk? No, that was what was so sad about it. Yeah, that's the sad part. Fights got McDonald's for lunch, and I was like, dude, I got McDonald's twice this week.

You got McDonald's for lunch today? Yeah. You son of a bitch. What are you talking about? That was my idea. I know. I didn't end up getting it. Oh, we missed out. Actually, I really didn't eat much of it.

Well, I kind of, you know, shout out to McDonald's if you want to sponsor the show. We certainly will do it, but in the middle of the day, McDonald's sometimes fucks me up. Okay, right now, I'm glad, you know, shout out to McDonald's. If you want to sponsor the show, we certainly will do it. But in the middle of the day, McDonald's sometimes fucks me up. Okay, right now, I'm glad you say that because right now, I can't keep my eyes open. I legitimately can't keep my eyes open. McDonald's fast food gets inside you and, like, sucks your, like, energy.

It's like a parasite. So when I was sitting – okay, I'm going to say something right now. When I was sitting at my desk just probably about an hour ago or so. After eating? After eating. What did you get real quick? Big Mac, two cheeseburgers, fries. Bro, no wonder you –

I mean, they're in less than a problem. McDonald's, we take it back. This is not your fault, McDonald's. This is John's fault. Okay, but – so I was sitting there. I'm like, I can't keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. I can't keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. I can't keep my eyes open right now.

And I fucking got so hard. Oh, dude, the nap, like the pre-nap boner. The pre-nap boner, bro. I was, bro, we were sitting right next to each other. When I was sitting right there, I was hard as a rock, Rudy. I just can't escape boners right now. That will make a lot more sense in a few minutes.

You don't get the pre-nap boner? The pre-nap boner, I get like... It's so frustrating. Or a take-off boner on a flight. I'll tell you what's going on right now, Tuesday, top five boners. That's happening. You're going to come back on for top five boners next week.

So what is it? You're saying anytime you're about to... Those are inconvenient top five boners next week. You're saying anytime you're about to... Those are inconvenient boners, if you ask me. I couldn't do anything about it. It wouldn't go down. You can do something about it. I couldn't get up. I couldn't get up to get it down.

I was trying to get my hand in my pants to up tuck it so I could go walk away. I just couldn't do anything. I just sit there. Sit there and take that fucking bone yeah so were you just like you know just it was just like poking through your you know it was not like my legs were up and it was it was like down my leg yeah so it wasn't really that big a deal except in fact like it honestly bro i was hard for so long it started to hurt i was like i was like i just want this bone to hurt. I was like, I just want this boner to go down.

You know what, man? Count yourself, consider yourself lucky. Because there's guys out there right now who are like, I would kill for a boner. I would kill for a random boner. You got old guys. You got people on antidepressants or whatever where you can't get hard. There are people out there who's like, if only I could get hard at my office. If only I could get hard at my desk. If only I could get hard at my desk.

And then talk about it. So you had the nap boner, the pre-nap boner. You recently had the pre-takeoff boner on a plane? I just always get boners on planes. I think that that's like a – I've talked to my hockey friends, and I would always talk about, like, airplane boners are, like, always a thing. I don't know if – I definitely get hard on flights, but I don't know if it's pre takeoff I've been hard pretty much everywhere yeah I've been anything I've done I've been hard

yeah now the question is like do I always get them is it a repetitive like I've been hard on a plane I don't think it's like like it's constant like I get on you know you hear that that you get in the cabin and all of a sudden you know your body that's how it is for me. The change in air pressure? Is that what it is? You've looked this up. I just got this right. Airplane boners quotes.

Sorry. Mike is saying airplane boners are a thing because the change in cabin pressure. It's not me. It's the environment. So is the whole plane just hard at the same time? I looked up prenatal. Nothing on it.

Nothing on it? That's bullshit. Yeah, that's definitely a thing. Bro, I get fucking hard literally every time it's like I get sleepy. Yeah. I'm sleepy. I'm hard. Well, you know what?

That to me feels like when you're sleepy, you're most honest, I feel like. You're relaxed. You're relaxed. You're letting your guard down. You're letting honest i feel like you know like you're relaxed you're letting your guard down you're letting it's like meditating almost right you're just letting your why do you think they wear those fucking ropes they're constantly hard i feel like you're just letting your thoughts in you're not thinking about work you're not thinking about anything you just think about dozing off especially nap like bedtime's one thing. A nap is more special. And your body's just like,

I'm thinking about fucking. You're in like a zen state and you're not scared. Yes. Now, again, this should probably be done in the comfort of your own home, not in public at the office. Look, if it never happens again, it's too soon. I would.

Bro, the rundown was happening. There were cameras everywhere. I was like, all right. Nothing worse than having a phone about Brandon Walker's voice can be heard. It's like, oh, I don't want those two words colliding. I eventually did get it up from an uptuck and into the band. And then I kind of got up and I kind of walked over to the corner to where the Keith desk is.

But then it was still like lingering. Like it was still fucking there. So I have one. You ever have one hard enough that it like pushes your waistband. Your waistband isn't strong enough. It was fighting. Yeah. It was fighting.

When you can still get some distance between your belly and the dick because it's pulling the elastic or the jeans that far. That's a hard on, man. And then so I had to walk. I was like I need to go for a walk. I need to walk more. But because it was fucking there, I had my hands in my pockets, but I was holding it out.

Yeah. That's what I used to do. And I was kind of just like slowly walking out. It was a scene, man. It was a scene. It was basically the whole time. We said we were going to do

this podcast at like 2.30 or something like that. I can't do it. I didn't come in until 3 for a reason. Because I have a boner. I can't podcast. until 3 for a reason. Because I have a boner. I can't podcast. Dude, I can't podcast. I have a boner right now.

You boned up. The weekly injury report, like Feidelberg, like delay of game, like cause, boner. Too hard. Too hard. If we ever drop like a comedy album or something that like too hard to podcast uh i i i was saying this i just put out an episode of the kevin clancy show with mark normand we were talking i think it was with mark we were talking about boners talking about sex when when you were little did you think that your dick like went up when you got hard i mean we obviously learned but like

when i when i was young i was kind of under the impression that sex is, like, in and out like this. You know, your dick kind of goes up and the hole is kind of on the bottom? Yeah. Like, I used to almost think that it was, like, your belly button. Like, your dick would go, like, in the hole that way. Like a straight in. Yeah, yeah. I never understood until I started, like, understanding that, like, the hole's on the bottom and your dick kind of goes up.

I am not following this conversation. So I used to think your boner stuck out and then the hole would be like Dude, mine kind of does. You're straight arrow to narrow. It's straight and it's flat and it's fucking... I'll fuck a bellybutton. You know what I'm saying? I thought the

vagina was like a flush hole and the dick went out and just went in as opposed to like underneath and up. That would honestly make a lot more sense. God kind of threw on that one. I mean God fucked up a lot of things, man. Yeah. Or he's just – We were talking about that the other day, testicles.

Ridiculous. Why can't cum be 98.6 degrees? Yeah. Why not just make that okay, God? Or body. Wait, cum is in your balls? Yeah, well, we never know. We're the worst with semen and, you know, what.

All I know is that there's one element of it that needs to be cooler than 98.6, and that's why it hangs outside your body. They're like a Google server. You know what I mean? Like, they have to be kept cold. They can't be kept, like, in, like, a regular warehouse. But, like But why? Why have we not evolved to the point that it's like,

especially because your balls are kind of vulnerable. You know what I mean? So if they were inside, they'd be safer. So why have we not over the years just been like, okay, you can now make cum at 98.6 degrees. Oh, man, Shay stepped on my balls the other day. I was sitting on like an ottoman. And so my balls were on the ottoman, like resting, you know?

Oh, no. And she just like stepped on them. Like just kicked her foot up and came down on the ottoman and just stepped and crushed my nuts between her foot and the ottoman. Because kids just do that. They get it from both sides. The bottom and the top. They just smush them.

Because they're always kicking. And it's kind of like, look what I can do. And I couldn't hold it in. Anytime my kids hurt me or hit my face or whatever, I usually just kind of keep it in because I don't want to upset them. But this was like, I was like, ah! I made a noise and fell to the ground. And I was like, Shay, you can't do that! And my sister was there. She was like, I was like, ah! I made a noise and fell to the ground. And I was like, Shay, you can't do that!

And my sister was there. She was like, oh. She knew what happened. And Shay starts tearing up. And I was like, it's OK, honey. It's OK. Don't worry. We had a boy and a girl.

We're done having kids, so it's all right. It was brutal. But if my balls were inside, it wouldn't happen. I did it to myself at an empty bar the other day. Sat on them? No, I punched myself in it. Oh, what? Pray tell.

Okay, so I was actually wearing these shorts. And sometimes when I sit, like a nut, like right now my nut is sitting right here. Kind of like the dick and balls, one ball goes to this side and the other nut. Well, you had the one long, the long ball. Yeah. Chicks dig the long ball. Really? He has one that just hangs lower than the other and i was like i was just sitting at the bar i was like i'm ordering a drink or whatever and i kind of just like put my hands in my lap afterwards and it's just this knuckle hits so perfectly but that one That noise is so funny

Cause you can't like Like nothing else will cause that That sound You get hit You get punched Something else happens You're like ah Whatever

The nut though is The cockles of your heart The bar is empty Yeah And he just goes You alright man I was like yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, what happened?

I went, I punched myself in the nuts. He's just like, what? All right, I'm going to call him. Old or young. Never mind. Like, older than me, but let's call him 50. Because I could see a guy being like, word. He had shots on me, man.

One of those days. So anyway, yeah, I was confused about the way the dick went in and out It's kind of weird that you're that straight Your dick points up Yeah I mean it's It's not like this It's like

It's pretty straight There's a little bit of a I would call Let's call it No wait Mine's like this I'm saying yours is like this Yeah I'm saying probably

Let's call it a 33 degree angle Something like that Get the protractor out I want you to get a protractor out next time you've got a nap owner and tell me the exact degrees. I'll send you the knuckle-cracking sound. You send me your exit velocity. Yeah, takeoff velocity.

There was a 747 to be in the air. You got a straight dick? Yeah. It goes a little... I got a big-time curved dick, man. It goes a little west. My dick curves big time. I go west, too.

What is west? I always think of left as west to me. Yeah, left is west. Mine goes a little that way. I think most guys are that way. I do believe so, too. I tried to look that up, and there was a reason why. I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to it.

My buddy I grew up with was convinced that whatever way your dick went was always matched your political views. That is staggeringly stupid. That is alarmingly dumb. And it was funny, and it's like Whitney said on Answer the Internet

where he's like, I know every single one of my teammates' dicks. That's very true. And so when he said it, we were on the same hockey team, and he's like, think about Shane. And I was like, it goes right, Shane's a little bit, you know, and he's like, see? And he's like, alright, well think about like, you know, Connor. I'm like, okay, Connor

goes left. He's like, who did Connor vote for? I'm like, that's true, he does come from like a left. The examples he gave. The fucking bleeding heart liberal pussy. I'm like, my shit always hangs to the left. No, he was like. It hangs from like a left Like the examples he gave As soon as you said it I'm like my shit always hangs to the left It hangs to the left leg Did people ever go right leg?

I think it does go both ways But I'm pretty sure Can we google that? Tailors will ask you like How do you dress and what they mean is What side does your dick curve to Why doesn't it go straight? I tell you it curves.

It's like that's the leg it goes down. Mine curves, but also it – My dick's almost like on an axis. Like it tips. It tips. My dick doesn't curve. It tips that way. Yeah, mine like, yeah, kind of like cascades.

Yeah, cascades is a great way to put it. I didn't realize though like until I saw a shot of my own dick from upwards, and it was like, whoa, I never want to see that. I was going to say, that's like opening a selfie camera. Yeah, you see things that are, you know, it's weird. And it was like I knew it kind of curved but from that other side i mean i could see around the corner with that thing yeah jesus christ man um how about this can you put your balls inside you you know what i'm talking about you know what i'm talking about

if you're laughing that much you can do it i know i because i'm picturing i thought you meant like in your ass you've seen that video right i've seen that. You've seen that video, right? Yeah, I've seen that video. You've seen that video? No, but I can picture it. No, you can't, Rudy. I mean, you can, but it's really great. Is that like one of the tricks, though?

Yeah, this guy does it for fun. Post of the guy farting out his balls. Oh, I was thinking of a different one. Ew, dude. It's like that was hurt. It's so fucking funny. Wait, where is it? Are your balls hurt? you know what it is it's very majestic

as far as shitting out your own balls goes this looks very view in app dudes rock imagine being a chick and you just don't have these kind of things the thing is that we don't have the miracle of childbirth,

so we have to invent impressive things to do with our dick and stuff. It's like, we can't have babies, but I can fart my balls out. This seems like a different one, but boy, that seems aggressive. He's going ankles to ears. Yeah. He is. I mean, that one is a lot. By the way uh you'll be seeing in the coming weeks uh mark normand uh ati he we i we asked him if you could blow yourself would you uh he got a licking

he got a licking and was like he goes it's terrible he's like it's rock bottom like he's like i i did it and i was like what am i rock bottom. He's like, I did it, and I was like, what am I doing? Like, what? This is not good. I feel like after that, like the 1,000-yard stare must be like the 1,000-yard stare to end all 1,000-yard stares. Yeah, because he was like, you think guys say that they will. This is a belly pull of your own cum. Having post-nut clarity about yourself. Oh, about your own nut?

Because, like, you know Because we always kind of say, oh, if I could, being honest. If I could, I would. And anyone who says otherwise lies. And he was like, no, bro. No, trust me. When you get your own dick in your mouth, you don't like it.

But do you know what I'm talking about? Put your balls inside yourself? You can kind of push them up into your pelvis area. I mean, whatever dick trick there is, me and my friend did that. Can you do it? I don't know what you're talking about, really. I don't think so.

You can also do it with your dick, and it's very funny. And then you let it go. And it's like one of those inflatable things at a car dealership. As it goes up, it's gone. And it's like... It shoots back out.

It's very funny. I'm talking about in your As it goes up, it's gone, and it's like... It shoots back out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very funny. I'm talking about in your pelvis-y area. I've never done that. Right where that bone is, your ball is behind that bone. You got a holster for him? Dude, one time I... I think it's kind of normal. I think it's regular, but I guess not.

Have you ever gotten a cramp in that area, like your taint? I coughed really hard one time, and I – Look at those things come out. The way they just, like, unfold. I mean, those are the longest balls. The longest balls. What speed? Why did it –

Blah, blah, blah. Like, blah, blah, blah. I wish that guy had six balls. Was that shot in like... I think it's a little slow motion. Was this shot on like a red camera? Wow. It's like a.5 speed 4K.

It's like IMAX quality. Watch this, John. Watch after they come out. Watch the bang at the bottom. The bounce back up is like, it's so aggressive. No bullshit. I could see it. Boom.

And they come back up. Those are the longest balls in the history of balls. That was shot so well. Like, no bullshit. I could see that being at an art exhibit, like an avant-garde, weird art exhibit. Top comment is, what the fuck? And the guy just wrote, the only response needed.

That's crazy. That's just fucking funny. Truly funny. That's just comedy right there. Shitballs, man. That guy's balls, to bring it all back to what we were talking about, his cum must be like

42 degrees because they're so far outside his body. You're not getting any of that body heat. That's why he has to put it all back to what we were talking about, his cum must be like 42 degrees because they're so far outside his body. You're not getting any of that body heat. That's why he has to put it in his ass to keep him warmed up. Did you watch the trailer for the new Jackass movie? Yeah. Did you? Yes.

That first scene, the first one after Knoxville. First of all, Knoxville flies out of the cannon with a bird and is completely stone-faced, which makes it so cool because it's in slow motion and he's just like yeah but it's like how many times has this man been shot out of a cannon that he can control his reflex and he's like play cool man play cool it's awesome

but the the first skit if you will stunt after that one is i believe somebody told me it's tyler the creator i don't know if it's yeah machine gun kelly's in it i know tyler is yeah but the one where the guy's riding the bike into the fake wall yeah that's all i need to see like those to me it's so much better than like some of the truly create i don't like the elaborate ones i mean i love all of them but if like the like shopping carts to me was the funniest like just getting a shopping cart and fuck somebody up uh or just riding riding your bike into a fake wall that's like some looney tunes and he's going full speed it looks and I'm assuming he doesn't know like I can't believe Tyler the Creed like that's that looks so real yeah that's awesome I mean I guess it was it was more like and this is MGK yeah but like this one seems

pretty harmless not on it I, I'm sure it hurt. But I feel like you ride a bike into a wall, and you're going to hurt yourself. Yeah. Dude, I was going to say, I forgot about the MGK one, but that was my favorite one, when they had the hand behind the door. Oh, that's such a good one. With Bam? Bam, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get a bunch of people.

Oh, you open the door and just bow? It's just like they're just kind of waiting waiting in like i don't know a green room or whatever it is and just anyone who comes in yeah just let their hand go massive fucking one of those hands yeah just but it's called the high five yeah it's one of the best ones this thing it's so good bam's like his feet like leave the ground the timing of the timing of the the timing of the Bam one is so perfect I think he has like a full tray of Dunkin Donuts too yeah no I think he's after this

it's so funny yeah I agree with you though the simple ones I don't like the bad grandpa ones yeah like oh look at that dude if someone on the jackass said it's like here carry this tray of soup I'd be like come on. Sometimes I do wonder if, like,

you obviously know, like, heads on a swivel, but you almost have to just let it happen. Oh, yeah. Give me one more shot of that one. Who was that? That's Bam. This is the one you're talking about? That's so good.

And he leads up, he's like, hey, what's're talking about? That's so good. What is he? And he leads up. He's like, hey, what's up, dude? He goes completely away. Just like, Bam. That is so good. I wonder if you do have to, like, if you're shooting, if you know you're within the months of jackass forever filming,

your head's on a swivel at all times, but also that, like, if there's, like, a handshake agreement amongst everyone like you gotta let these things happen you can't duck you can't flinch you can't look around the corner first you gotta just go because that's how we get all our material but it does it's just always natural it's like they i watched like a documentary where they did a behind the scenes and they talked about the set and they said that it's nauseating because you're constantly – like you hear someone behind you and you completely – Because as much as they want to get the film, the shots,

and they're going to make money and it's going to be successful, human nature is to be like, please stop hitting me in the nuts. Please don't set me on fire. Please don't – Right. So – Please don't – I can't wait for it.

I noticed that a BAM wasn't in the trailer I saw BAM's not he's gotta get better they they signed an agreement like if you fail a drug test you're out yeah and he just kept on fail also do you know also he threatened with Knoxville's life or the Jeff Tremaine the director he said like I know where your kids live I'm gonna like like real fuck up shit he went off the deep end for sure speaking a different language and yeah no yeah i understand it's just sad that he's not in it but he seems to be doing better now because yeah i mean i honestly if he did that high five now then he may be in the hospital

for like well that's the thing and i'm happy to the the clip of of steve obia like they say that as long as all your like concussions come before 50 you're in the clear right and johnny's 49 so we're good and like the the thing with the tarantula in the glass tubes i don't like those no that that to me is just like that just gives me like heart palpitations i'd rather watch somebody just get fucked up. I believe truly that Jackass, Jackass number one and 1A, I don't even know, coin flip. Jackass and the WWF Attitude Era, I think, are the two most entertaining things ever. Yeah. I wasn't Attitude Era.

That's like The Rock and Stone Cold and DX and all that. It's like the modern day. To me, like those storylines and the violence and all that. It's like the modern day. To me, those storylines and the violence and then Jackass, because Jackass is also kind of like the reality TV, internet, you know, content, if you will. That, to me, I think is the most funny

and important content of our generation. I remember when we interviewed Neil Brennan. I believe he called it something along the lines of, like, male friendship. It was, like, male friendship defined. It was, like, the first time, like, I guess on TV or movies where he says what made him fall in love with entertainment. It was just, like, truly just guys being dudes.

A little more fucked up. What I was going to say, but not. Yeah, the ratcheted up version where it's,, yeah, we like nut tap each other, you guys. But like there wasn't a single friend group that didn't do that. Yeah. To some extent. We were just going to fuck with each other. Titty twisters, like fucking throwing.

We used to push each other out of my tree house. It was like our thing with the bags of leaves. Yeah. We used to dive out of it. It was insane. Yeah. Dumb like very, we used to dive out of it. It's insane. Yeah. Dumbest shit, man. But,

and then once it came out, everyone wanted to become a filmmaker. I don't think. Oh, I did that too. I mean, I had a VHS. It was honestly perfect though, like perfect timing

because had they come out in this era where everyone has phones, it's like, like when you see like Dude Perfect or some of these other guys, it's like,

I don't know, fuck that. Because it was, there's something so raw about like they had like early at least they had cky type shit they had the fucking camcorder and vhs and like you had to really like want it in order to make it and they went through all that it's i i'm gonna be i haven't said this and followed through on it in a while but i really mean like i will be opening night at the theater. 100%. As long as life permits and my kids don't ruin it, there is nothing I will miss that for.

Totally. That is the most important movie maybe ever to wrap this whole thing up. It transcends all forms of – That's what I mean. Yeah. You know how they made that gold disc that they put on the Voyager spacecraft? They made a gold disc and it had the Beatles on it.

In case somebody finds it. In case someone finds it, they put humanity's best works on it. They have Beethoven and shit. If we were to make a movie and it's like, this could be seen by aliens, I legitimately would put Jackass on it. Write that down for an ATI question. If we were to send out a, that is a great fucking thought.

Because, dude, I honestly think that jackass, if you showed it to an alien, they would laugh. Yeah. There's just something literally universal. 100%. I also don't know, though, would they be like, okay, they're done. Let's just go get them. Probably. Or would they be like, they're fearless.

Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. They'd be like, there's a lot of noxials. Or they might just think, that's funny, man. Those guys are just goofballs. It's like being clowns. Probably. Or would they be like, they're fearless. Let's get the fuck out of here. There's a lot of noxials. That's funny, man. Those guys are just goofballs. Like being clowns. You could show it's funny no matter what, forever. What was on that original one? That's interesting.

I think it's the Beatles, and I can't remember who else. I think Mozart. That thing is still flying, by the way. It's still going. Where is that supposed to go? And is it just deep space? Dude, it's so interesting, actually.

So the Voyager, they launched it in 1973, I think. And the whole point was to get pictures of Saturn. But they designed it so that once it went by Saturn, it could keep going. And it's outlived its lifespan by like 50 years. And it's an interstellar space now. It went past the Oort cloud, which is like this little bubble that goes around the entire. So, dude, it's crazy. So, like as our solar system travels through the Milky Way, the sun creates like a magnet bubble.

And it's like this. There's like all this like radiation from space that like would kill all of us. But the sun's magnetic field keeps it out. And so Voyager went outside of that. What? So it's like the first ever man-made thing to make it into space. This says what? The definitive work

of the Voyager record is Murmurs of Earth. They have sounds of a rainforest. Interesting. Johnny B. Goode? Johnny B. Goode? Johnny B. Goode? I don't think that's that great. What else is on there? Johnny B. Goode.

Mambo No. 5. Get out of here. You just made that up? I'm just kidding. Okay. WAP's on there. All right. We got to do our own.

Next episode, we'll do what we think we would put on there. I mean, all of these are a bit hoity-toity yeah i know oh hi hi brow like come on put like i don't know why i'm staring the magic flute um anyway let's get back to uh can you put your balls inside yourself so the real reason Rude Boy came. And if you listen to Friday Night Pints, you'll hear this one again, but gladly so because it's a tale. It is a tale. It's a tall tale.

Rudy at the gym a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Let's just say the gym this time. Who cares, right? What? Which gym it was. Nah. I think Rudy just doesn't want people to know what gym he goes to. Oh, is that what it was?

Well, I'm moving anyway, so I don't really care. But I just don't want the gym to find out and then be like, who is this person? True. But people can figure it out. Because I said on Friday Night Pints, it's not Equinox and it's not Planet Litness. So you figure it out. It's a chain. It's a chain.

So you're at the gym and you decide to hit up the steam room yeah so i go to the gym i work out hard hard bro real hard body karate let's go super good lift artist lift of 2021 anyway so afterwards they finally opened the steam room for the first time and i'm like thank fucking god i haven't been to the steam room for the first time. And I'm like, thank fucking God. I haven't been to a steam room in so long. They're awesome. I've not been to the steam room in this gym, so I'm pretty fucking excited to check it out. I pay a pretty dollar to go to this place.

I'm going to enjoy the amenities. This is going to be a ton of fun. So I finish my workout. I go to the steam room. I walk in, and there's a dude in there in a towel standing, which immediately, as I said on Friday Night Pines, is not necessarily a red flag, but it'd be like walking into an elevator and someone's sitting. You know what I mean? It's just not backwards.

It's just backwards. That would be funny, by the way. Yeah. Sitting like crisscross. Yeah. Sitting Indian style, just like, what was the problem? I'm resting, what? And then, yeah, so anyways, the guy's standing, which I thought was weird.

So I go in there. I sit resting. What? And then, yeah. So anyways, the guy's standing, which I thought was weird. So I go in there, I sit down. As soon as I sit down, he chooses to then sit down, which is also a bit of a red flag. And I have my AirPods in because I learned, like I said, on Friday pints from Joe Rogan, that you can wear AirPods in a steam room and they will work fine.

And they performed almost too well, unfortunately. So I had my AirPods in, I'm listening to a podcast and the the guy is sitting across from me. And about, I would say, like, 10 minutes goes by. And whenever you're in a locker room, there's always sort of like – I think you guys can probably relate to this. Like, there's sort of an unwritten rule where you kind of just keep your eyes down.

You know, you don't, like, you know, bashfully look away and not look at anything. But you most certainly aren't, like, scanning the room. So I had my head down the whole time, and it's a steam room, so you feel like you're going to fucking die the whole time. Right. Like, the entire time, I was like, I'm going to die in here. So I'm like, I'm just trying to get through it.

I'm, like, really, really, really sweating. About ten minutes goes by, and after about ten minutes, I look up, and I think it was, like, a Spidey Sense thing. I'm like, there's just something, like, weird going on minutes I look up and I think it was like a spidey sense thing I'm like there's something like weird going on I look up and this dude is like furiously jerking off

dick and balls fully out just flopping just flopping around back and forth and in that moment I wish I didn't have perfect vision. I have 20-20 vision, and it's so clear. And unfortunately, it was in between steam cycles.

You know how sometimes the steam clears? Yeah. There was no steam. So there was no, I could see everything. So you just got two sweaty dudes, eye contact and all. And so I didn't really know what to do. I didn't give like a, like I didn't yelp. I don't know why.

I just, I didn't yelp. I think it was just sort of, I don't know what I was thinking. And so all I did was I saw the dude and he kind of gave a look kind of like, like he wasn't like terrified either. Like you want to taste the look? Yeah. He was like scared, but like. And so, but in a good way yeah and so i i just looked at him and i was just like

jesus christ bro and that's all i could come up with and i don't know why that was my response i don't know i was like i almost felt like i was like in him. I was like, dude, now? Because in that moment, I thought my dumb brain didn't calculate the situation. I thought that he was just jerking off in the sauna as like, hey, man, I'm just at the gym and trying to relax. Like, don't look and don't say anything. So I didn't realize what was happening at the time. I thought it had nothing to do with me. So I'm sitting in there and I'm sort of like.

Bro, if you're in the room with someone masturbating, it's got a lot to do with you. I guess growing up in Denver, I was naive. Like, I don't know. Like, I just I just I was so thrown off. And so I just didn't connect those dots. And so I sat there for a second just like, God damn it. Like, this dude is jerking off in my sauna time. And so. Jesus Christ, bro. Jesus Christ, bro. there for a second just like god damn it like this dude is jerking off in my sauna time and so jesus christ bro jesus christ bro and so he stops and he's like sorry man like i thought since you

stuck in here you're you're into it and i was like no i just didn't notice and i don't that's the other thing after the fact i was trying to put together if i how long was he going without me noticing yeah yeah because i had the airpods in and i didn't hear anything so who knows that's a that's a that kept me up for a bit when i realized that but so then he goes all right man well what's your name i'm like uh rudy and i said my name i don't know why i said my name like i was so dumb i should have just been like fucking like crystal or likeille or like Dunbar. You should have made up – you should have been in that room anymore at this point.

You should have left. I was in that room. You should not be having a conversation with this guy, answering any of his questions, giving him anything he wants. I know. I don't know what was going on. And so then at that point I was like – I said, all right, dude, I'm going to give you a minute. I thought he was going to keep going. I don't know what I was thinking. I was like, I just got to get the fuck out of here.

So I get out of there. And then I noticed that as I get up, he gets up behind me and is leaving too. And I'm like, oh, God. So now this guy is going to be in the locker room or whatever. So I don't even shower. I'm not going in the shower. God knows what would happen in there. So I just get dressed and I just get going.

And as I'm walking out, I'm like, man, this dude better not like I have a feeling he's going to try to continue this conversation. And sure enough, I'm walking down the street and the dude comes up and he's like, hey, man, I'm sorry about that. Like, you know, I just kind of thought you were into it. And I'm like, no, dude. Why would you think that? I'm like, no, I said I was. He's like, oh, man, I just. You sure? And I'm like, yes, I'm fucking sure you think that? I'm like, no. I said I was into it. He's like, oh, man, you sure?

And I'm like, yes, I'm fucking sure, dude. Like, what is wrong with you? I didn't say that. At this point, I'd be like, this guy knows something I don't. Maybe I'm not sure. That's Hank saying 99% sure he didn't download the porn. Or else you're like, well, maybe I am into it. I must be putting down some sort of vibes if this guy keeps asking me. He was trying to gaslight me.

And I was like I'm sorry man I just don't swing that way I said I don't swing that way And he goes well you know people can swing multiple ways And I'm like dude I get it I know what a gay person is I know that exists And he's like alright man well can I at least get your last name

So I can stalk you And I said no He did say so I can stalk you He literally said alright man well can I at least get your name So I can stalk you. And I said, no. And he did say, so I can stalk you. He literally said, all right, man, well, can I at least get your name so I can stalk you on Instagram? He literally said that. Flattering. Flattering, but also, I'm like, dude, you don't have any quit in you.

This is crazy. And what did you reply? And I said, no, all you get is Rudy. And then I walked away. And even then, I was like, why did I make that like flirty? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like, listen, I could see a scenario where if in some alternate universe you did like that and you guys hook up, I mean, if I'm Rudy in that universe,

as soon as I put it in, I'd be like, all you get is Rudy. Or you finish up and you're like, you got Rudy. I told you you'd get Rudy and you got Rudy. It was you finish up and you're like you got i told you you get rudy and you got it was a scenario where like everything i sang was like coming off as like flirty and i was like didn't know how to like escape this like fucking torture chamber that's a funny like skit thought like the unintentional flirty guy yeah i'm not trying to be but everything i say sounds like i want to fuck you you're furious all the time this sounds like I want to fuck you. You're furious all the time. It was crazy.

Jesus Christ, bro. All you get is Rudy. I'm moving apartments, thank God, because I can't go back to that gym. Dude, if I was doing bench press, if I was doing bench press and I saw that dude, I'd drop it on my throat and die. Or imagine someone's like, can I spot you?

I'd be like, man, I want more, though. I like a follow-up man can you go for one last hurrah oh come on we'll film it i'll be on the outside like we'll do like a sting operation or whatever like we'll be in the white band with like the headphones but all right approach him say hi it's Rudy. Like, come on. I need something. Dude, yeah, it is. Jesus Christ, bro. We've had two good Jesuses. Oh, yeah. We had a Jesus earlier this week. This dude had a recording of his first ever cold calling day.

And he calls up. He's like, you know, hey, man, have you heard of our – and this guy flips. And he's like, what are you, some sort of fucking gay? You want to fucking suck my cock? He goes like way over the top. He starts out like, man, you're so bad at this job. You're doing terrible. And then he's like, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you take the cock out of your mouth before you talk to me? And he's going over the top, and the dude just goes, Jesus. That coupled with Jesus Christ, bro. Jesus Christ, bro. It's an effective – it's a good one. I was actually saying last night, I would have, if I could go back and choose my top five words again, I'd pop a Jesus on there. Jesus is a great one. Because you can do Jesus, you can do geez, you can do Jesus, Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ is such a good one. My dad deploys such a good Jesus Christ. I think that's like where I got it from. Think about man, you know, Jesus. Real dude. Real guy who actually lives. Whether or not you believe son of God, you know, Messiah, all that.

Died for our sins. That's up for debate. Human who lived, not debatable. And his name is like used by everyone for good, for bad, for everything. Imagine that. Imagine if thousands of years go by and people are like, Kevin fucking Clancy.

That's a good one. You like that one? Let's go. Let's get that to catch on. It's a good amount of syllables. Or just like, Kevin. We don't even think of it. Jesus.

Broody. How would it have gone down if you were in that situation that I was in? I'm curious. I thought you were going to ask about Jesus for a second. Well, I probably would have gotten pinned up to the cross, too. I don't think I was going to stop that from happening. If I was in that situation, I think I'm leaving. I don't think I'm engaging in as much talk and staying as you did. Yeah, I think I probably just I don't think I'm leaving I don't think I'm engaging in as much

Talk and staying as you did Yeah I think I probably ignore it entirely I think I'm What was the first interaction Like you said Jesus I said Jesus Christ bro And he said sorry So that was the thing you actually

Communicated first So had you just stood up and walked out i mean this guy sounds like a it's persistent he was gonna keep following you but i don't think uh but at least you give yourself a chance for having none of this to happen yeah i i unintentionally left the door open a little bit now my, my thoughts, too, is because you were listening to music, that might have been going on longer than you realize, and that might have given him some false sense of confidence. Yeah, it definitely was.

I've been in here for like 30, 35 seconds, and this guy hasn't bounced yet. Oh, I was thinking he's been doing it for like minutes. You think so? Yeah. I mean, so either way, he's probably done this before. How about this? Here's a question for you, you know, he's probably done this before. How about this? Here's a question for you and your ego, Rudy. Would you prefer to be his only victim or are you, because like the thought of, you know,

maybe you're a hot dude. Yeah, like he saw you and he just couldn't control himself. Yeah, that's the universe I want to live in. I'm going to live under that. You don't want to be just one of a thousand. I don't want to be. It's the face of the crowd. If I found out he was jerking off to other dudes, I want to live in. I'm going to live under that. You don't want to be just one of a thousand. I don't want to be. It's a face of the crowd. If I found out he was jerking off to other dudes, I'd be fucking pissed.

That's fucked up. That's fucked up. I heard you're cheating on me. I'm your true boyfriend, man. I also was thinking how funny would it have been if, in fact, he was jerking off for minutes before I noticed, and someone else walked in, and there's a dude in there just jerking off, and I'm just sitting there listening to come town just like laughing my ass off also I realized after the

fact the fact that I was listening to come town too makes it like even funnier because that is for sure something that they would like say on that podcast I would I love to think of a scenario where what if there was a third guy in the sauna in the shadows, in the steam and he's telling the story like and then the guy goes Jesus Christ bro and they keep talking and da da da da

and he leaves and then there was just a third guy watching the whole fucking thing go down I like to think it was the third guy comes in and he saw that and he's like he thought you guys were doing something so he's like oh sorry excuse me, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'll let you guys finish. And the other guy while fucking jerking his dick was like, it's okay. In the meantime, my head is still down. I'm just like,

rocking out. Do you think you were like, laughing to come down and like smiling and he thought you were like, smiling at him doing it? Like even just the subtle like, like he might have been,

he might have been talking to you before and you were just like, nodding along. I would love, I would love that, you know you know if they had said something you just went like on your brother like wow and that guy's like oh yeah okay okay let's go oh man just think of it as material rudy that's like when bad things happen to me my first thought is always like well the podcast is done for the week true yeah now yeah. Now I got my segment. I wouldn't even say it was a bad thing. It was just like a weird, like, it was just such a bizarre thing to have happen.

Yeah. Well, in some ways, I think it's flattering. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. He says about a man masturbating in front of him, unwanted. Listen, what do we always say? A compliment from a gay guy carries so much more weight than a compliment from a girl. Yes or no? Oh, wait, wait, wait.

So the ultimate is a guy whipping his dick out and jerking off to you. Yeah. I mean, that is incredibly flattering. If you are so hot that a guy is like, I have to get the cum out. I also am worried. Shit, man. I'm also worried now that I'm thinking. I don't like that we're thinking this much about it, but let's unpack this.

We just did like a 30-minute segment. Let's unpack it. Let's go. I'm worried now that maybe the tone of how I said Jesus Christ was read. What if it was like a Jesus Christ? What do you think you did? I know in my heart of hearts i was i was disappointed in my heart but i'm worried i'm worried that he read it maybe as like a different jesus christ bro

how jesus how do you really like really repeat it like how do you really think you said it i said it like this jesus christ bro i mean that's tough to interpret any other way than what the fuck. And I'm pretty sure I gave a head shake like... Like a disapproving father, you know? I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. You know, sometimes in this life, people hear what they want to hear, how they want to hear it. So maybe he heard like, Jesus Christ, bro. No, it couldn't have been that because he stopped and was like,

he definitely had like a deer in the headlights type of thing. He was like, ugh. And I'm like, what are you scared for? That has got to be, I'm going to be on his side for a moment here. You know, that dude went for it and it didn't go well you know yeah the balls on this guy just the thought of like i think i think this this guy's cute i think he's gonna go for it yeah and then you get the jesus christ bro and he was probably like oh my god yeah i've read this situation so poorly that's a that's a rest of development i've made a huge

mistake yeah yeah but also like the gym is in like chelsea no no it's in murray hill yeah which is much more straight yeah bro town yeah i was thinking maybe it was like uh it was just like you might have been a fish out of water like gay dudes like fucking gym bathrooms all the time all the time all the time right so i was originally locker rooms so i was thinking maybe it's something like that. But, yeah, Murray Hill is – Right. It's probably not happening too often there. I'd say that the gym bathrooms are – I think gay guys go to the gym to fuck, not to work out.

That's the main reason for them. So if it was one of those gyms, maybe you're out of line. I would have – yeah. You're out of line. If I had been in a gym... No balls on this fucking guy I met at the gym today to not suck my dick. Are you kidding me?

We're two naked guys in a steam room together at the gym. Of course you're going to suck my dick. Come on. If I had been in Chelsea and this had happened, I probably would have been like, listen, I'm really sorry. That's on me? That's on me.

Yeah. I'm not. This isn't... I live in the neighborhood. It's just close by. It's like when people say You know like It was a shark attack and we're always like

You are in their town That's what this is This is a masturbatory shark attack Right exactly but no I was not In shark infested waters To my knowledge You want to stick around do the pod Alright let's do it.

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is it's a great game that you can play all day every day every which way on camera off camera let's go go to crossnetgame.com crossnetgame.com promo code kfc get 20 bucks off that's crossnetgame.com promo code kfc 20 off all right now my idea actually before we do my asshole uh your father what's his name? Father Sebastian. Father Sebastian. Skit. I mean, you spit bars, bro. Yeah, it was a lot of... You wrote like a full rap verse. Yeah. That had to be like 32 bars. You were like, it just kept going.

Yeah, it's a long... Well, I had to match Slim Thug's verse, like his cadence, so it had to go as long as his. Yeah, but I mean, you know, I respect you. You didn't have to, but you did it. You're right. I guess I could have cut it short to go as long as his. Yeah. But, I mean, you know, I respect you. You didn't have to. But you did it.

You're right. I guess I could have cut it short. You know, it was for a TikTok. Rudy did a skit, like an AM DJ who brought on a priest who can rap. And it got banned from TikTok. Because I think you were talking about diddling kids or something. Well, it's hard to say. I think it got banned the first time. I think it got banned the first time.

I think it got banned the first time because of the beat. Oh, music. Okay. The still tippin' beat is copywritten. Or the alternative is the part where he says, if you're gay, I'll throw you in a volcano. It's one of those two. It's one of those two.

But I mean, you were dressed up as the priest. You were rapping. You did the voice change. too i but i mean you were dressed up as the priest you were you were uh you rap and you did the voice change like i mean some of your skits are fucking very funny man ever since like uh the the plant dad and uh what was her name delilah or some shit felicity felicity yeah felicity the plant it's not was she's still alive oh okay she's still kicking okay i mean she's a she's a uh what are they fucking called? She's a snake plant, which is a fucking whatever. They just don't die.

You literally can't kill them. You should try to kill this thing. I have a couple of those. Yeah. I have, like, two plants like that in my house. It's like every three months I throw, like, just spit on it. Drop a little water. Yeah.

Honestly. Sneeze in its direction. It'll be fine. Yeah. Dude, that's a funny. You got to flesh that one out. It's like, I like my plants like my women. They stay quiet and they don't require much except spit on them.

So, yeah, follow Rudy on Instagram. What is it? Rudeboyjunda? Yeah, Rudeboy underscore Junda. What kind of name is that, Rudeboy underscore Junda. What kind of name is that, by the way? My dad called me. I think my dad, when he was a kid, went by.

I don't know why. That doesn't make sense. His name's not Rudy. I don't even know why I got the name Rudeboy. Wait, let's rewind that. Did you say that you thought you got named after your dad, but it's not his name? Yeah. That's what you were going to tell me? I'm not used to it.

Imagine if I was like, well, you know, my dad called me Kevin because he – well, no, my dad's Tim. Yeah. Listen, first of all, before you make fun of me, I have dyslexia, so that's rude. You can't make fun of me for that because it's like sometimes things get a little – the wires get crossed. No, I think my dad just – my dad called me Rude Boy when I was a kid. Yeah.

I don't know where it started. Do you understand? He's clearly asking what your last name is. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about Rude Boy. I thought you meant that one. No, I meant like ethnic-wise. kid yeah i don't know what um do you understand he's clearly asking what your last name yeah like you're ethnic ethnic wise oh it's slovakian slovakia yeah and then we got we got ellis island it used to be d-z-u-n-d-a and they were like that's like devlin shit yeah they were like yeah it used to be what it used to be but you still pronounce junda i think okay and then like my great great great great grandfather they got to ellis island and they were just like that's not happening yeah

probably for the best though yeah it's not it's you know when i was a kid horrible and erases your history all that shit yeah but it's a lot easier and probably was better for your family so yeah yeah not enough i don't care but like when i was a kid when i was a kid i wanted to change it because i thought it would look way sicker on my hockey jersey. D apostrophe Z is pretty cool. Yeah, I'd be like, that'd be fucking sick. Well, you still got time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could be Rudy DZ, some shit. R-D-Z. Yeah. Okay. Ooh, sick. Assholes. Let's do it. Let me pull them up here.

Am I the asshole for taking back a gift from a fake baby? I work at a popular clothing retailer, and I enjoy my job very much. My coworkers are great. Customers are bearable. This motherfucker wrote bear-able. That's what I would do. But one coworker, let's call her Ronda, has been making my work a living hell recently. We have worked together for a couple years now and things are great.

I would even say we were work friends. She invited me to go to her daughter's baby shower last month and I agreed to go. What I didn't know was that this was not a regular baby shower. I arrived with a gift and was talking to my other coworkers that were there. And we figured out that none of us had met the daughter. Rhonda introduced her daughter to our little group and I congratulated her and thanked her for having us. She laughed and said something like,

thank you, but I'm not pregnant quite yet. But it's always good to be prepared for when the time comes. I was visibly confused, which seemed to offend her. And after she walked away from our group, my coworker explained that Rhonda had told her when they arrived that this isn't a regular baby shower and that her daughter has been feeling down

because a few of her other friends had gotten pregnant. I asked the friends if they knew beforehand, but they said no. They were confused why they were asked to buy gifts, but decided it wasn't worth it to make a big deal about it. I asked Rhonda why she wouldn't tell us that it wasn't a baby shower for a specific baby, and she explained that, quote, the physical invitations explained it was a party for her daughter to shower her with love.

Well, none of us co-workers got physical invitations. I asked Rhonda if I could take back my gift since I'm not made of money. Rhonda said that it would be rude to take back the gift. I said, I'm sorry, I can't do this. I took my gift and left. The daughter sent me hateful messages on Facebook saying, calling me a disrespectful old bitch. I feel bad

for storming off and taking back the gift. But now that the woman's threatening HR, if I don't return the gift that I took back. So, long story short, am I the asshole? On no planet. Well, I mean, I'd say everyone's the asshole.

Like, obviously, there's levels to it where the woman faking a baby is the real asshole here. Not even, like, faking the baby. Just being like, I need a party because I'm upset my other friends are getting pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, you're a huge asshole. But also I'd be like, this is so fucking weird, whatever. And I'd walk out, but I'm not getting my gift back. I'm fucking excited for this gift.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the thing too here is like, you're not, a bunch of gifts and a showering of love is not going to replace a fucking baby. So if you think that it's going to be like, oh, this sucks, I'm struggling to conceive and all my friends are pregnant, so maybe getting a new juicer and a blender is going to make it better. For sure not. Yeah, unfortunately, I think this person is

an asshole. Because you easily could have been like, you're nuts, enjoy the blender, you're a psycho. But taking it back away from the crazy person? Now you're just like an Indian giver. The crazy person deserved it. She deserved all the gifts to hang back.

But just to follow through on the act. Like, this is fucking insane. Imagine going over to the little table and you grab this box. I'm going home. Unless, I mean, the person said, I'm not made of money. I don't know. Maybe he or she splurged. True.

If it were triple digits. If that money was an issue, I think you are within your rights. Now, is it tacky? Yes. Is it tasteful? No. But if you want to ask about, like, is it – but a lot of things in this world is like you're within your rights but you don't do it. Yeah, for sure.

Right. But also I would go ahead and say that the insane assholeness, the assholery that goes into throwing a party because other people are getting pregnant. The problem is too though it gets touchy. You know what I mean? Like if you were just like I'm throwing a party because all my friends are skinny and hot and I'm fat you'd be like alright you're just a vain asshole. This is like you're struggling to conceive

and you feel you know that gets that gets sad and gets I bet a fat person would get a shower. I bet that would go viral. A fat shower? Yeah. In a good way? Oh yeah people would love it let me throw it for you body positivity yeah that is true we should do that yeah i actually do that kind of i'm sort of coming around on this lady i think it's kind of fucking awesome to throw a

party for yourself at your failures yeah you're like i didn't get into harvard we're gonna throw a party let's go yeah i got well that's like uh I think people do like divorce parties now. Yeah. Those are goddess parties. What do they call them? Goddess? Goddess parties. It's in episode, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She actually is like, she's like, comes back with, like, she thought it was stupid. And then she goes, and she's like, actually, it was like really nice. And I mean, you'll just stand up and say nice things about your friends. And I mean, depending on the divorce situation, sometimes splitting up is like the best thing that's ever happened to you yeah like it deserves you know let's let's go or like a mitchell palooza re-release into the wild thing so long story short everyone's the asshole i think it's only if it's if if the gift is triple digit figures he's not an asshole. I think it's going to be higher than that.

I think at least $250. Okay. I think it's all – it's just your – if you got $100 – Yeah. If it's a $100 gift and you got $500 to your name. That's a good point. But actually, I'm going to take it all back. Like, you're having your mom invite coworkers?

You're a fucking loser. You have no friends. Like, you can't, you know, that's something for your friends to get you gifts for. Not a stranger of a stranger of your mom's coworker. You're relying on them to cheer you up because, you know, you can't have a baby? Get the fuck out of here, you dork. Get lost. I love it.

Let me find one. They weren't even celebrating a failure. They were celebrating something that just hadn't happened. I love it. Let me find one. They weren't even celebrating a failure. They were celebrating something that just hadn't happened. Right. Yeah.

It wasn't like she didn't lose her uterus. Yeah. Oh, here's one. She still couldn't see it at some point. Dude, you should throw like a Stanley Cup party.

Like a Stanley Cup you didn't like. Yeah, I should throw a party every year for the Mets. Like we didn't win the World Series. Yeah, and I should have

and I see my friends I see that the fucking Dodgers won a World Series and I didn't get to enjoy it. That's bullshit. Yes. The ultimate participation trophy. Yes. You and Frank.

Another. Throw down. Like, every year. Like, another year of like, well, another year's gone by and I don't have a girlfriend. Like, I'm not married. We're throwing a party.

Another year's gone by. The Mets didn't win. Another year, I didn't get my dream job. Dude, someone tweeted me last night, participation trophy era, over, like, a Brady joke. Because it was Bucks, Bucks. Yeah, I saw that. Like, so participate. If you still say shit like that, you're the biggest fucking loser on the fucking planet.

Well, that was, like... And you also better be 100 years old. Because, like, everyone now... Is part of that era. You just got participation trophies. Yeah, yeah. Everyone who's, like, alive and active. Everyone else is dead. Yeah. I mean You just got participation trophies. Everyone who's alive and active. Everyone else is dead. Yeah. I mean, participation trophies

started in World War II, so they were actually maybe in World War I. What were you getting participation trophies for? I don't know. I think it was the war itself. It was just like that era was when participation trophies became a thing. And it's just like it's crazy that people still are like, oh, yeah.

It clearly defined an era. It might be some people that... I don't think anyone has been really influenced and it's just like it's crazy that people still are like oh yeah like that it included define an era it might be some people that i don't think anyone has been really influenced by the participation i think that's just bullshit yeah like like there's a era of people out there being like well why didn't i get the job i always get a i used to always get a trophy or whatever you know it's like no it's never crossed my mind ever and also someone someone's would have brought up a good point when you're arguing last night, they're like, why are the people who decided to give us participation trophies mad that we got participation trophies?

Yeah. Right? Yeah. These are your fucking choices. Yeah. I was seven. Like, the fuck did I care? You know what else is weird?

That this era has a lot of people with a lot of the outrage and the concern and all that. Like, we grew up, the people who are doing that now are the people who grew up on fucking jackass and horrible movies and live leak on the internet. It's like, how did this era become all of that shit? It's like, we should be the ones that like, the world shouldn't give a fuck about anything anymore.

We grew up watching people bash their heads in and watching people get beheaded on the internet and all that shit. How about you guys? I didn't see this or care about it because you didn't play basketball growing up. But there was a huge hubbub last week about the right way to shoot around. And when you miss it, the way up, you got you cut to the hole. I pass it to you.

You lay it up this way. Like I get the rebound. I get to throw you a pass. You know, sometimes we throw up on the back you do some no look shit you get to take it to the hoop because when you're shooting around you're not going to practice layups because then nobody would ever miss so you get to take it to the hoop you do some cool shit and then you

pass it back out and that person can like catch it off the pass and shoot it's just a better way to do the whole thing and people were like you think you should be rewarded for missing your jumper? I was like, I didn't think it was some grand prize to be had. I thought I was just going to fucking lay up a basketball.

Like, what are you talking about? You deserve. We're just shooting jumpers, man. It is a much more efficient way of practicing. And it's just like no one in the world dribbles out, turns around and shoots a jump. I'll be honest, when I was shooting with my friends, we did it that way. You miss it, you just grab the rebound and then you just like dribble out to the top of the key and then

shoot. It seemed like a lot of people did it. And so, fuck it, let's go play hockey, guys. We suck at this. We were also we were bouncers. Bouncers? Bounce pass. Yeah. I mean, to me, that's the only way to do it. Am I the asshole for telling my housemates to not leave animal feces on the kitchen sink i'm gonna say this has got to be a one-way road here

i i'm gonna be interested to see if we can find a reason why not but uh too long didn't read the house i live in the house i live in has a pig my housemates put the pig shit on the kitchen sink okay so it's a bit of a wild one uh but i just had a pretty traumatic experience twas they literally said twas it was a sunny friday morning and i had just gotten home from a nine hour shift and i was planning on filling my water bottle in the kitchen of my shared house um to my unfortunate pleasant surprise to my unfortunate pleasant surprise there was a dustpan full of pig shit sat right underneath the tap. Not even joking, it was literal pig shit.

Now, it took me a good one or two seconds to realize what it actually was. When I finally came to my senses, I nearly threw up. All I could do was step outside and try to calm down. After five minutes or so, I was finally able to go back inside the kitchen and sprint directly to my room. I then texted my housemates about this ordeal. Unfortunately, they text back almost immediately

apologizing about it and how they, quote, got distracted by the weather. They also said that, quote, although it was what they were used to doing, they'll try to stop placing the dustpan on the sink curious at this i asked what would be the whole uh i asked would it not be the whole kitchen and all of its counters he said quote no we need a place to place it so we can open the door that was the response

appalled at this reply i simply said that the kitchen is a shared space where food is prepared and feces is the worst thing to place there the final reply was quote we don't mind it on the counter and if we need somewhere to we don't we don't mind it on the counter and we need somewhere to put it if you have a problem with that then put it on the floor then put it back up when you're done now i'm beyond angry at this what i mean this this is almost like a hank 99 situation a rude situation these guys are so defiant about it that it may i'd be like well maybe it is okay to put pig shit on the counter i don't know like like you would think that this would be some of the guys are like oh my god we were like cleaning the pig and we forgot and them just being like well where else do you put the pig shit guys what do you want me to put it in the bed no you put it on the counter i'm

sitting here like maybe that's where pig shit goes yeah first of all the excuse of we were distracted by the weather that was like the one, the picture, like, the couple, the two people, like, one's like, it's raining outside. It's like, oh,

is it? And he goes running over. Yeah. And they just stare at the window for like three hours. Right. Like, they forgot everything,

you know? That's such a good excuse, though, because it's like, there's always weather. I mean, I was gonna, but the weather.

I was distracted by the weather. And that could mean, you know, like, what, was it too sunny? No, it was raining. No, it was cloudy. What, was it raining out? No, it was a beautiful sunny day the weather. I was distracted by the weather. And that could mean, you know, like, what, was it too sunny? No, it was raining. No, it was cloudy.

What, was it raining out? No, it was a beautiful sunny day. Right. I picture this as, like, down south, and I picture probably, like, Oklahoma or something like that. So then, like, it was probably a tornado. Yeah. A tornado coming. Oh, okay.

And it was just, like. Given the benefit of the doubt. Although, like, you wouldn't say I got distracted by the weather. You'd say, like, there was a fucking tornado. Yeah, you wouldn't just be like, the weather is distracting me. I mean, that's, at some some point you just have to continue to be like dude there is shit in the kitchen there's nothing you can say that's gonna make this okay yeah that is so fucking weird yeah fine you can put it on the ground if you want but make sure

you put it back up afterwards yeah exactly why is this shit the kitchen dude this dude is goaded at gas lighting like also if you're in the kitchen isn't there a garbage yeah but i would i wouldn't want it in there but yeah yeah but you know you got the back doors the tonality poop out there the tonality was so funny it's like listen i don't know where you were raised but we put pig poop on the counter yeah that's what i mean that's odd we're the the counter. If you think that's odd, we're the wrong ones here. If you think that's odd, you can live somewhere else. He sounds outnumbered. Yeah, he does sound outnumbered.

They're going to throw feces at him. Do you guys know anybody that's ever owned a pig? No. That's it. Add it to the list, Jackie. We got chickens, gerbil, and we're going to get a pig. We're going to get five chickens. I would have been in a college house with one if I stayed at the first college I went to.

They all got a pig, and I just heard. They're cute, right? Well, it started off. They thought they bought a teacup pig. They just got fleeced, and that thing got fucking huge, and it would eat anything. Yeah, they eat fucking paper. Is that legal? Can you just own a pig?

Central Illinois, I think they let it fly. anything well they eat like fucking paper yeah is that legal can you just own a pig uh central illinois i think pigs feel like they're right on the border of like like exotic animals are illegal but i feel like enough people like do they do that thing where they swim with the pigs and they play with the pigs yeah i think you're good with a pig but what do you do with it what do you do with it i think you i think you are i think i think that's okay for you to throw that out as your guest but you're acting as if you know this i said i think you're good with it okay for you to throw that out as your guess, but you're acting as if you know this answer. I said I think you're good with a pig. Right, right. But that's just like you think.

Or are you saying like... I've seen people do it. Like this guy. I know of people doing it. I don't know how to friend them. I've seen it in films. What do you do with the pig, though? What do you do with a dog?

A dog is companionship. Did you say truffles? Yeah, they go sniffing out for truffles. Well, the pig is companionship. Truffles suck, by the way. My brother. My man. Truffles are the most overrated shit in the world.

The only time I like you is when it's in hot sauce. Promo code KFC at truff.com. Oh, nice. But yeah, they just ruin perfectly good french fries with just tons of truffle. Yeah. So overrated. Yeah, well, I think you can confidently say fries with just tons of truffle. Yeah. Celebrated. Yeah, well, I think you can confidently say that this guy's roommates are the assholes. But I honestly think that he's probably going to get beaten up because he seems very uncomfortable. Probably going to get his face smeared in pig shit.

Yeah, this guy does. Once this weather passes, dude, and we get home. I feel like this guy kind of is an asshole. He's right in this pig situation, but he seems like the guy that the roommates all hate. So he probably sucks. This seems like a Craigslist roommate situation. Definitely. All just jammed together.

All right. Voicemail time. Let's get into it. It's brought to you by Miller Lite. You're about to kick back and enjoy the voicemail segment with us. You might as well do it with a nice cold Miller Lite. It's our longest running segment here at Barstool, really. The longest running interactive segment.

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It is the real deal. Was Colorado Miller country when you were growing up? Yeah. I mean, Colorado is just beer country in general. It's funny. I try to say Rado, Colorado, because that's how he says it. You're not local, bro. Yeah, is that the right way to say it, rado?

That's how people from Colorado say it. Because that's also you say Nevada, right? Nevada. And I say rado and Nevada. Oh, really? Yeah, me too. Yeah, but people in Colorado are just very beery in general. But no, Miller is a big one.

We grew up, unfortunately, East Coast wasn't very heavy Miller, and now they are taking over the East Coast finally thanks to Barstool and KC Radio and everyone pushing it, and it is a revelation that has changed everyone's life here. It's, like I said, great taste, less filling. It has great flavor. It's just the superior beer in every way, shape, or form, whether you're popping a can, whether you've got a nice cold bottle, whether you're at the bar or restaurant, or you get it delivered right to your door.

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Who would be more recognizable, Pope Francis or Dave Fortnoy, walking down the street in New York, who gets noticed more between the two of them? I mean, it's a no-brainer. You popped right back into it. I wasn't asleep. I just rested my eyes. I love that line! I mean, I know what the voice was.

I love that line so much. His take was loading. He was buffering. That is my favorite line, man. I use it all the time, too. Did you fall asleep? I'm just resting my eyes. That was a little irish. I'm just peaceful.

I'm just relaxed. If I was asleep, I wouldn't be able to repeat the question right now. Repeat the question. The question is, who is more recognizable walking down the street, Pope Francis or Dave Portnoy in New York City? The question is. In New York City? That was in there?

Yeah. I mean, I still think it's the Pope. I don't think so. I don't think so by a long shot. The Pope looks just like an old man. Is the Pope wearing Pope don't think so. I don't think so by a long shot. The Pope looks just like an old man. Is the Pope wearing priest gear? Then that doesn't count.

He doesn't have to be wearing the whole... Can he wear priest gear? He's in regular clothes? He's in priest street clothes. He's got the collar on, but it's basically just a black suit and black tie. Black shirt. If he's not in his people...

He has the hat on? No. Not the hat, but like the yarmulke. No, there's no yarmulke. You say yarmulke? That's the wrong religion. Isn't that weird, though? Yeah, but the Pope rocks a yarmulke.

He has something on there, yeah. Yeah, it's not called a yarmulke because that's what the Jews rock, but it's got something that's on the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a called a yarmulke because that's what the Jews rock, but it's got something that's on the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a little. I thought you meant the big one. No, that. Like the actual Bishop Popat would be, you know, that's a dead giveaway.

I'll let you have that, but here's the thing. I think it's going to be. Oh, it's like a big yarmulke. It's going to work against you. It's like a mega. Oh, yeah. It's like a mega yarmulke. Yeah.

Yarmulke acts out. Mega yarmulke. That's got to piss the Jews off. The skull cap. Let's see. It says, why does the Pope wear a yarmulke? This is. It's X-O. Mega Yamaka. That's got to piss the Jews off. The skull cap. Let's see. It says, why does the Pope wear a Yamaka? This is... It's called a Zuccetto.

A Zuccetto? That's an Italian shit. Imagine like during like a missionary thing. They're like, listen, man. Our Yamakas are bigger. I think if you want the Pope to wear that as he walks down the street, you can. But I think that will even make it more confusing for people. I think Jewish think it's a yarmulke.

Yeah. I mean. In that outfit, I think the Pope. If he's in Pope gear. I mean, bro, you've got to understand. This is one of those things I think we might be overestimating the reach of Barstool and underestimating the reach of religion. Like, the Pope is an important motherfucker. Well, I'm aware, but I think he's just going to look like a...

I think most people just think he's a regular white dude. But you can say that about Dave. Dave's on TV a lot more. I mean, there is more everyday exposure. That's for certain. Yes. What if we really got crazy? Dave has to wear that outfit and the Pope

has to dress like Dave. Imagine the Pope walking around with his fucking moose knuckle out like Dave does. He has to wear skinny jeans and re-box. Knees colliding. Imagine that. He's walking and they're like, no, Pope, you gotta do it this way. Point your toes in, knock like, no, Pope, you got to do it this way. Point your toes in and knock your knees.

I mean, you know, like you got to think there are – there's like – you go to like – the Pope walks down the street in like Spanish Harlem and the place is like erupting. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. You got like these old like Maria Maria women who are like – they just pray the rosary all day who are not going to know anything about Dave. But then you also got some Murray Hill bros who...

But I don't know. I think that the majority of people who know Dave are savvy enough and exposed to enough stuff that they're going to know the Pope. And then... You don't think it's the same. And then I think the people who are older and

not on the internet or whatever, don't know know Dave have a better shot at knowing the Pope. Yeah, you're probably right. A lot of Venn diagram overlapping type shit. Yeah, you're right. Because it's like if you show a Murray Hill neighborhood a picture of the Pope, they know who he is. Yeah, I think it's definitely the Pope. But I was also thinking if you just got an old guy to dress like that and walk down the street with security, everybody would be like,

and then someone's like, that's the Pope. They would never be able to tell the difference. You got an old white-haired guy with the garb walking around blessing people? Yeah. Forget it. You could be the Pope for a day. Donnie could pull some shit off like that. Right.

Pretending to be the Pope. Jackass could do that. I just did it as a priest. Yeah, sure. You could walk around. People would probably be like, oh, he's an important priest. He's somebody. You know what doesn't get enough talk? Pope Ratzinger, the Nazi

Pope. What? The Pope before Pope Frankie, who was only Pope for like a minute and then stepped down. What? Really? Benedict, I think his name was? Yeah, Pope Benedict. Oh, some shit went down there. Oh, yeah. Like he probably was a true like Nazi youth or whatever.

Like you don't just give up Pope. No. That's like. And he's still like, he still works at the Vatican. That's what I mean. That's what I also like. Like if he was like, I'm ill and he's dead now or like bedridden or something like that, but he just gave up – it's like your lifelong dream as a priest. It's like getting drafted and then being like I don't want to play anymore.

It's like something's really up. daydream was I always thought it'd be so cool to fake your entire life, pretend to be Catholic, go through the whole process of becoming a cardinal and becoming a pope. Surprise, I'm Jewish! I'd be like, I faked it. And I was like, that'd be like the ultimate like the greatest troll that's ever been done

to me, like religion's not real, all this is fake, I faked the entire thing. I don't hate that idea. I think that's what Pope Francis did. Why? Because he's like, gays are okay. Cops are okay. Dogs go to heaven.

Yeah. He's like, you can use birth control works. It doesn't matter. He's like, all those things we've been forcing on you for hundreds of thousands of years. No big deal. They're all better. Forget about it. Yeah. You ever see The Life of David Gale, that movie?

I've heard of it. That's a cool movie. I don't even want to spoil it for you, but there's some shit like that. It's like the ultimate commitment to a troll. Yeah. It's like The Prestige, but with the Pope. Exactly. Yeah.

I like that. Yeah. All right. Next. We have an interview today, right? Yeah. We have Henry. Henry.

Okay. Okay. So, oh, shit. We got to talk about that a little. Let's do a couple more voicemails. What's going on, my kids? This is and Jackie and your weird animal ideas. Just had a question for you guys. If you were given

$2 million in front of your face, would you rather fight a hockey player, and it's a random hockey player you don't have any idea who it is, or two other athletes from any other sport, excluding fighting sports like boxing and UFC. All right, love you guys. Take care.

That's an absolute no-brainer. I'll take the one guy. I'll take the hockey player. Yeah, I'll take the hockey player. This is some hockey bro who has convinced himself that hockey players are the toughest. This guy probably is like, who's taking a fight, a gorilla or a hockey bro?

Like Sean Thornton. Yeah, I mean. I get it. That was very regionally specific. Yeah. Hockey players are tough. They know how to fight. We get it.

But he also said a random hockey player. Yeah, it might be fucking Mitch Marner. As he said, he could get Marner, he could get Panarin. Like, I'll be, I'll take my chance. Because guess what? There are more guys, I don't know, more guys, but there are a lot of guys in hockey who, like, just – I've never been in a fight. Yeah.

Just, like – It's not, you know, the 70s anymore, bro. It's not, like – And then, like, what? I'm going to take my chance with two random basketball players? Right. Yeah, what if you pick a fucking offensive lineman? Yeah, two offensive –

What if you get a random hockey, two defensive linemen in football? Yeah, you're like, it would be fun though if it was like live and you like roll the dice and it comes up and it's like, the price is right

with like a big wheel. Taylor Lee won. DeMarcus Cousins. Did you fight a lot? I fought four times, I think. Okay. It sucks. Is it allowed in the NHL? But like at kids level, Did you fight a lot? I fought four times, I think. Okay. It sucks. Is it allowed in the NHL?

But at kids' levels, they're not going to let people fight. You can fight in juniors. You can't fight in college. Okay. So people get all their fighting out. You mean if you try, you're suspended immediately? You get suspended. So you could, technically, but no one does because you get suspended.

Right. Also, in college, you have to wear a full face shield. In juniors, you can wear the half visor. Got it. Yeah, I mean, if you're trying to wear A full face shield Yeah In juniors You can wear the half visor Got it So yeah I mean if you try to Punch through a fucking Shield

Yeah I had one fight When I was at FSU And It looked like club hockey So you could fight But the kid The kid just fucking

I had like a bubble cage Yeah And the kid Takes off his gloves And he just He grabs my cage And he like Pushes and twists and right it just

popped off really and i was like oh i'm in over my head here this guy knows what the fuck he's doing i didn't even know that was possible i am i have been off more than i could chew it turns out i was right i was right did you win any of your fights or like yeah yeah yeah i had my first fight i ever got in i like cracked this dude's eyebrow open. I'm the luckiest punch ever. This is actually funny. It was at a tryout, and I was like, I really need to make this team. I'm going to have to fight to show that I'm willing to do it.

Because a lot of people weren't willing to do it. So if you fight, it gives you a nice in. So I fought some kid, and I cracked his eyebrow open just with a really, really lucky punch. It's the best spot to hit. It wasn't because I was, like, tougher or stronger. It was just a really lucky punch. And the coach was, like, after the game, the trial was, like, you've got to come see this. You've got to come see this.

I'm, like, what the fuck is he talking about? He brings me into the medical room, and he's, like, look at this. What did you do to this guy? And he's in there. I'm, like, yo, what the fuck? Like, this is sort of crazy. And that kid ended up making the team, too, and ended up being, like, one of my best friends. Oh, shit. But it was very funny that the coach was like you got

to see this yeah yeah look at your work it's very funny it's very hockey very very hockey all right last voicemail of the day is brought to you by sennheiser uh sennheiser is a pair of headphones that you know there's a lot of headphones out there on the market uh these are the real deal and i know this because nick is is a huge sennheiser guy and when it comes to audio and sound and quality and technology and gadgets and all that if nick hammy's down with it then then you should be too that's like your headphones of choice right yeah these ones uh the ones they actually like sent to us are fucking awesome uh you're able to you just double the side, which just looks legit.

You just walk into a deli and you just tap it. Then it's like the little mics on it turn on and you could hear everything and then just double tap it again to just shut everyone out. Love it. They're very good quality. I'll use them when I'm editing too because a lot of the wireless headphones kind of suck for that, but these are fantastic. So if you listen to the podcast. Can't get a better cosign than headphones kind of suck for that. Yeah. But these are fantastic.

So if you listen to the podcast. Can't get a better cosign than that. Yeah, for real. I mean, don't listen to idiots like us. But when Hammy's down with it, you know they're the best earbuds that money can buy. They've been around for 75 years putting out high-quality audio products. So they've always been dealing with the audio. They have a 28 hour battery life which is

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What do we got? What's up, KFC? Hi to everyone else. So I got a hypothetical for you. First, everyone knows how if you lose one sense, another sense or others get enhanced. So my hypothetical is if you had to choose one sense to lose, but you got to pick which sense got enhanced, and it got enhanced on like a superpower level,

which sense would you lose, which sense would become a superpower, and why would you do that one? Thanks, guys. Love the show. I feel like we've done this one before i think so too i would say let's start with what do you think is the least important sense sense uh sense sense sense i was about to say sentence as if it was like a singular but on the same vein it's smell well is it does mel is like taste does touch count yeah oh okay it's sight sound uh you know seeing hearing touching tasting smelling maybe tasting dude well take by tasting and smelling kind of go hand in hand if you lose your taste as someone who doesn't have

a very strong sense of smell you still can taste things like you still taste things but can you who knows who knows what you're tasting isn't that so weird that like I can eat something and be like physically repulsed and you can eat it and be like give me more. Bathe my tongue in that, you know? It's such a strange – tongues are weird, man. Yeah, I would lose – I mean if I could really, really choose, I would lose my sense of cringe. I would rid my body of all cringe.

I would become cringeless. Everything would just be great. I wouldn't sense it in myself. I would be liberated. of all cringe. I'd become cringeless. Everything would just be great. I wouldn't sense it in myself. I would be liberated. That would be amazing. No, I probably would get rid of... Touch you need, by the way. I think you said throw a touch.

I mean, you don't... This could be a thousand degrees. You don't know it. You're touching it. You're setting yourself on fire. Fuck, that would suck. I guess sight is just a motherfucker. I'm definitely boosting sight.

I want to have, like, eagle telescopic vision. Yeah. Because, like, two sniper scopes. Think about it. The only thing you can really boost, you increase hearing. That's, like, everything. You know, a siren goes by. Your head's going to explode.

You increase. How can you even increase touch? What does that even mean? It just feels doper. And then taste. Like, you really taste things. It's like a Molly. The only thing...

The only things I think you can really boost are sight. You'll be able to see further and better and smell. You'll be able to smell things from far away. So I think sight is the only thing worth that doesn't have any downsides. But you could do it, Matt. You could taste harder. I guess so, but like...

What does that mean? If something's hot, it's really hot. If something tastes good, it's really good. I'm boosting – I'm always going to boost sight. Yeah, sight's the answer. I want two sniper scopes in my eyes. So what's the – and you're willing to give up. See, I always think about if you give up taste, then you can eat well. It's like nothing – I'm going to eat broccoli every night because I can's like nothing I'm going to eat broccoli every night

because I can't taste I'm going to be fucking ripped. Or though is the problem like I'm just going to keep eating ice cream because I'm going to get my taste back and then all of a sudden you're fatter. But I think if you just commit to yourself and say like

I can't taste anymore then you're you're going to eat healthy for the rest of your life. I'm going to get rid of taste because I do enjoy like smell is so I feel like smell is very underrated to like your memory and everything.

I really enjoy it. Transports you back to like I do enjoy smelling something nice. Like a candle is great. Like I think you're right. If you just lose your sense of taste, you'll just eat. You can just trust that it's good. Yeah. I mean, you smell some shit that smells good to you and your whole...

Like, if I smell Clinique happy, I'm having anal sex with my high school girlfriend. Every time. But, like, smelling like Garnier Fructis. Remember those commercials? Oh! They were coming every time they did that.

So I would get rid of taste and boost sight. I would get rid of taste and boost sight. Right? I would get rid of smell and boost... I guess I got to boost sight, but I don't want to boost sight either. I don't want to see shit in HD. You want good sight? I mean, I see fine. I love... I feel superior and I have good vision.

Right. I'm like, I'm 2020, motherfucker. Right. You're blind. When people wear glasses, I'm like, I'm 2020, motherfucker. Right. Like, you're blind. When people, like, wear glasses, I'm like, I'm a superior human being. It's the only thing

on my body that is, like, that functions well, so I gotta keep it and I gotta make it better. If Ben Franklin was never born, people would just throw you out back.

Yeah, because he invented eyeglasses? Yeah. If he had glasses, they'd be like, see you later. We would've just let you wander into volcanoes

with the gay guys. They should, yeah, people with glasses should be, like, worshipping Ben Franklin. see you later we would have just let you wander into volcanoes with the gay guys they should yeah people with glasses should be like worshipping Ben Franklin dude people who are like really like actually blind

imagine that your life's over back in the day before they could even figure it out if you were just like this is the way it goes you just like see things

that are blurry all the time yeah like Jesus Christ that sucks Jesus Christ bro do you think animals get like bad vision? Hell yeah.

Yeah, probably. But not like when they're older. I mean, because some people can't see when they're like 13. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, not kids get that. Really? Yeah, based on nothing I know.

All right, let's get into our interview. We got Henry Golding. Henry Golding, you know him as Nick from Crazy Rich Asians. He's going to be Snake Eyes. He is the new it guy. He came through rocking a Dolce & Gabbana leather jacket, some velvet jeans that were still like tight, stylish jeans, and still pretty light, actually, because I rubbed them, I know about it,

but velvet with some black Chelsea boots, perfectly like coiffed hair. Dude was immaculate. And then he grabbed our dicks. I rubbed his knee, he rubbed my dick. It was the all-time, it was an all-time great nut shot. And if you listen, you'll hear the interview, you'll know why. It's a funny picture no matter what, but when you know the backstory behind it, it's even funnier.

So it was humorous on top of being just a good gag. Also, I karate chopped Snake Eyes. He was talking about his reaction time. So please go watch it on YouTube because we were asking him about training. And he goes, well, my reaction time got really good. And I went, and he totally flinched. So I made Snake Eyes flinch. You ain't a ninja yet, Henry.

You ain't a ninja yet. Come get some. So a really good interview with an absolute stunner. It's brought to you by Bare Bottom. I'm rocking Bare Bottom pants right now. These jeans are perfect. They're like jeans, but kind of more just like pants. They're joggers, so they got the elasticky top, which I need these days.

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I don't know how they do it, man. It's high quality material. it's all super comfortable and it's all uh very stylish like solid colors i have like i have everything i got the light blue i got red i got like an olive green uh white black and they have like a little bit of uh i don't know what that design it's not like a design but it's not just a solid color yeah. It's almost like a little white. Like a fuzzy TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a snow type of look. They're perfect for the summer, especially when you're trying to stay cool.

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In the hot seat. This is some fit you got going here. Hey, bro, look. Check these out. What? Is that like velvet? What are we rocking? Shut up!

In the heat of the summer. Yo, we're doing the Dolce & Gabbana leather jacket with some fucking velvet pants in the 90 degree heat in New York City. Dedication. This man is coming to flex on you. Wow. This might be the best outfit in the history of the show. The bar was on the floor. Am I over-dressed? No, no. Let's see the shoes, you. Wow. This might be the best outfit in the history of the show. The bar was on the floor.

Am I over-dressed? No, no. Let's see the shoes, too. Yeah, oh, man. I mean, top to bottom. Top to bottom, man. I don't think I've ever even heard of velvet pants.

That's how rich that shit is. I'll be honest. I want to touch them. Come on. Are we ready? Are we on that level? I do want to rub them. Oh, buddy.

These are some great pants. I'm not washing this hand. Man, that is some fit. We got to get some barstool velvet pants. Listen, it's next. It's coming next, man. You do look sharp, man. You are one handsome son of a bitch.

All right. It must be pretty good. It's going to be you, kid. So, Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes, yeah. That's what we're here to talk about. There's plenty to talk about, but Snake Eyes is the main thing. Did you grow up, are you a G.I. Joe's guy?

I was a huge comic book fan. So, I was all into sort of X-Men, X, sort of everything, pretty much. But G.I. Joe was one of the tough ones to get, because I grew up in the UK, mind you. So, they had like a cheap copy of like Action something or another. Yeah, no, exactly. They kind of switched it up for like trademark reasons. Right. But so it wasn't until like, you know, Saturday morning cartoons that came up like three years later or whatever.

And then when the movies came out, that was sort of bigger. So in a sense, I knew about it. Right. But like delving into it more is just this endless stream of characters that are just like uncovering. It's fun. Did you guys grow up with it? Yeah. Were you a GeoGamer?

I was a little. That was a little before me. Yeah. I was a little older. Hold up. The cartoons and the. That mustache. How old are you? You can glue that on everyone.

How old are you? I'm 30, 32. Yeah, I'm 34. What are you talking about? You're an idiot. By two years. I was a Captain Planet guy. That was my thing. Yeah, but it was the tail, not the tail end, but it was a little bit earlier in the 80s. I could see you not

being that, being like your focus. Yeah, I know. But I was, I mean, the cartoon was one thing, but the action figures was like. Yeah, that was an action figure. Those were the things. Obviously, I just didn't see the show. Pull them apart in the middle with that rubber band. Snake Eyes and Cobra Commander. I mean, Snake Eyes was like.

I was more of a Barbie guy, though. Barbie? Polly Pocket. Bro, I mess with Barbie hard. Really? Were you one of those weird kids that sit behind the chairs and kind of just unravels the clothing. Probably. You are describing my bedroom

to a T. Just naked Barbie screwed out that stone for my sister. And then when I turned like 13 or something like that, when I finally started realizing what I had done, I like... Ashamed. I collected all the pictures and burned them. I made a whole scene. Very dramatic.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I brought a whole scene very dramatic oh man I'm sorry I'm really sorry I brought that up it's like uncovering like hidden gems yeah we went deep we went deep I remember the

it was trading cards too and I remember it was like a snake eyes card my brother used to have the Transformers G.I. Joe's comic books like there was that

that mashup which was just mind boggling for like a 12 year old you're just like how can these two worlds exist yes the Transformers G.I. Joe's comic books. There was that mashup, which was just mind-boggling. For a 12-year-old, you're just like, how can these two worlds exist? That's what I grew up with. That's got to be cool, doing roles like that, where there's so much

before that movie. The great thing is, with Snake Eye's Origins, it's exactly that. It's an origin story. We're starting from day one, rebooting the entire franchise. Is that original? Is that the writer and director's vision,

or is that rooted in some sort of... This is pretty much like Hasbro, Paramount, all the producers were like, we need to have this go to a new generation of fans. And to make that, you kind of need this human element, and that's what we delve in. Because originally, you never saw Snake Eyes' face. He had no voice.

And it was really tough to tell his backstory by almost sort of saying, yeah, this white guy went over to Japan, became a ninja, and came back and kicked ass. You've got to get more of a hook. And so we give this really human deep developing story to him but give him the kick ass sort of action sequences and open up this story

for like a greater G.I. Joe universe it's a great time for it too I feel like people back in the movies and like it's gonna be no we need him dude like everybody's been craving to hit those blockbusters on the big screen so I can't wait you mentioned kick assass yeah are you tough

now am i tough yeah like i'm a tough guy on screen but like i would not say with the training of it if she went down right now i watched the trailer this morning you can fucking fight like if i if i tried to beat you up right now would you just absolutely work me i mean i'll go for the throat for sure and then i'd hightail it out of here. Dude, there's no one. I mean, I feel like when you do the real training, your reaction time gets really fast. Like, so in terms of the training. I had him.

I had him. Sneaky mother. That's it. I just beat up snake eyes, bro. Man, I was about to. We won't put that clip out because I'll ruin about to... Now I'm going to be tense. Now you guys got me. No, no, no.

It's going to come again. I didn't expect that out of you. In a minute. That was weak. Gotcha. Don't be spying. What? But maybe I didn't flinch.

That's part of the... But anyway, so the training, it was a lot less aesthetic. Because you go into these sort of like big sort of action movies and kind of superhero films. And they're all kind of like ripped and buff. And he's coming out of the shower. But this literally like we needed to be able to move we need to be able to like flow through these like huge sort of combatants and kind of moments of like 10 sort of enemies or whatever so you physically had to do everything all this stuff so different the training was like unreal it's like more like

dancing than fighting right they say like choreography 100% the choreography we had this crazy guy by the name of uh kenji tanig. He does choreography on one of the best samurai series ever. It's called Rurouni Kenshin. Out on Netflix now. It's like the third or fourth movie. But this shit is unreal. Like it's just the craft of what they are able to bring to the screen. Insane.

How much different coming from something like Crazy Rich Asians where it's like there's no element of that, right? Dude, light and day. Yeah, you're doing love scenes and jokes and shit now. There's moments like halfway through the production

I was like, fuck, I just wish I was on a romantic comedy right now. This sucks. But then it's like, actually, you know what? I love that. This is badass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can imagine that. I mean, it's like an entirely different job though, right? 100%. Look good coming out of the shower over here be a fucking ninja over here yeah exactly why you you just need to like really throw stuff we spent two months like prepping before we actually sort of went out and and filmed it and that was literally to get your body into that really low stance to to sort of get flexible, but look the part.

And we did all of the choreography. That's the difference. It's like you need to train to be able to be like, look kind of proficient on screen. And it was fun. This son of a bitch is telling me that he got in better shape and his body is better than Crazy Rich Asians. To lounge?

Doesn't it peak at some point? Unreal, man. But, I mean, you did Crazy Rich Asians pretty quickly, peak at some point? Unreal, man. But, I mean, you did Crazy Rich Asians pretty quickly, right? Yeah, I mean, no. Was it your eye on it? Crazy Rich Asians was like my first job. So I was a journalist. What the fuck?

So I was a travel host for probably like eight years or something. So I did investigatory sort of travel stories around the world you have this what's that don don dude uh donnie donnie does oh i watched a few of his shows and like the guy lived in like the deep boonies of china and like speaks mandarin and stuff like i love that stuff so that's my world um and then crazy rich asians came around uh they couldn't find a guy to fill the shoes of this really sort of like necessary linchpin of the story

this random sort of accountant in the company was like oh I met this guy like five years ago his name's Henry Golding that's who you need to find so the director literally went on this fucking like YouTube Facebook hunt tracked me down.

I was like, you need to audition for me because we think this is the role for you. And I was like, nah. Not into it. I was just like, not for me. Not for me. Massive, successful book and movie. Treat them mean. Keep them keen.

But actually, and then he was like, you're a fucking idiot. Put yourself on tape. And we managed to, we figured it out. And long story short, like, it started like an insane career for me. Thank God, man. I'm really thankful for it. There's a sequel, right? I hope so.

At some stage. At some stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's like two and three, there's three books, essentially. But they got to get the script right because now you have the first one

to compare to so it's just crap it has to be good and it was such a success yeah it was so much fun it hit the zeitgeist

yeah grandmas grandpas I cried three times both times nah bless you he's a sensitive dude

oh yeah super sensitive just underneath that rugged shell you just sort of like crack out the handkerchief once in a while

I like it I think the last two movies I saw in theaters twice were Fast 9 and Crazy Rich Asians so same kind of thing okay yeah perfect in the

absolute yeah yeah same vein were you we were reading that you were going to be a hairstylist. I was a hairstylist. You were a hairstylist. I've lived a lot of lives, like in a short time.

Were we correct in reading that you dropped out of school to go into? Yeah, well, up until in the UK, you leave school after your GCSE. So that's, what is that? Yeah, I was like 17. okay and then you you're meant to go to college i'm not sure what it is for you guys but 17 i went straight into like an apprenticeship uh to become a hairstylist because i loved it because i worked in women's hair or both well women's hair mainly but i worked in a barber shop on saturdays when i was like 14 15 years old just like sweeping up hair just like pocket money on Saturdays when I was like 14, 15 years old,

just like sweeping up hair, just like pocket money. Just because I was like, I don't want to take money from my parents anymore. I just like earn my like pocket money, whatever it is. So I started working really early and then I was like, oh, maybe I'll follow through with a career. And then left school, went into this apprenticeship, like washed greasy hair for like a year and a half, two years, became a stylist, worked in this like super posh area of London

and up until I was like 22, I think, 22 was during that and then I flew to Malaysia to become a television host. And then I became a superstar. That is wild, man. Now I'm a barstool and I made it. This is the moment, man. This is the moment, yeah.

You've got a great head of hair, so I mean, I'd be like, I would trust you. Thanks, man. I would let you cut my hair if we had scissors. You need a fucking haircut.

If we get some scissors, will you cut his hair right now? Let's go. He's cooking a little trip. His ears are like, say goodbye to them. I'd be like, tips would be off. I'm no, no. Just go give him a little trip. His ears are like, say goodbye to them. I'd be like, tips would be off. I'm rusty, to say the least.

Yeah, yeah. I feel like having the hope and probability of Crazy Rich Asians sequels has got to be a nice thing to have in your back pocket. But, you know, I think we'll get a Snake Eyes 2 before we get the Crazy Agents. But both of them. I mean, landing these roles that have, you know, franchise capability potential is like – Yeah, I mean you – You're not doing one and done.

But the other thing is potentially you get tied up as well. So, you know, there's so – Don't turn down Crazy Reggie 2. No, no, no. Whatever you're doing, drop it. But there's so much – there's so many amazing stories to tell and people you want to work with and stuff. And luckily, all of the franchises that I'm sort of connected to

are amazing things that I would love to go back. Like 110%, I'd be back in Crazy Rich Asians in like a blink of an eye. Because the cast were amazing, the producers, the studio, Warner Brothers were fantastic.

Except for Ken. Ken Johnson. Fuck you, Ken. Ken Johnson. Fuck you, Ken. Ken John. Fuck you, Ken John. Ken is the nicest guy. Worst, worst. Sorry, I'm going to have to, even though I know you love him secretly, like, Ken is like,

he's like the uncle you wish you had who was like, who totally ripped the shit out of you, but at the same time he's just like, ah, I love you. All of it, though. I don't remember how it happened, but you and Ken just like, it kind of, we you know what it was? I know exactly what it was. I was like I'm so sick of hearing you used to be a doctor

and I, before I did this, I used to be an accountant and I said, I was like, it's not the same but like, you know, we came from a different we had a different background and he was like it's not the same you were a bullshit accountant I was a real fucking doctor so don't ever convince me

and that was it after that that was the funniest story like I think we were one of the premieres myself Ken and my wife

we were like let's take a photo let's take a photo and I thought I was really close to it Ken and there was this awkward sort of

I got somebody to take a photo but like as we were lining up for the photo i was like grabbed as nuts and just like squeezed them but the fucking photo didn't go off so i was like stood there like waiting for this photo and then i'm just like oh this is awkward ken i'm so sorry like this was meant to be like a on this for a funny moment but'm turning out like literally like five seconds Four seconds too long You've gone past that point of no return it's just like I'm gonna make it through this I'm gonna do it I'm gonna wait for this photo because it's worth it.

That's actually the perfect segue if you've got a minute to play our game Answer the Internet. We ask some wild questions. Alright, so we'll end the interview here. Snake Eyes is out. When was it out? July 23rd. Yeah, by the time... Yeah, either way. July 23rd. Snake Eyes is out. And you're doing big things, man.

I feel like you're going to be the next, if not already, the next It guy. Let's go. Especially if you keep wearing the velvet pants. Jesus Christ. All right, let's go next door and do it. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.