KFC Radio - Pope Francis' Critical Condition May Lead to a Conclave Ft. Kelsey Cook - Episode + Interview

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 06:53 KFC is going to war over congestion pricing being taken away 14:34 KFC is still getting heat for his Kendrick Halftime show take 21:13 Feits' solo rock climbing experience 32:48 Feits got in a fight at the gym 39:01 Timothee Chalamet caught some heat at the SAG awards 44:52 Everyone's college essays 50:16 White Lotus recap 01:01:24 We may have a Conclave on our hands with he Pope in critical condition 01:03:09 Next Pope candidates article: https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/europe/who-will-be-next-pope-after-francis-b2703343.html 01:16:17 Kelsey Cook Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Presented by Jackpocket: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, in NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. 1 per new customer. Enter promo code at checkout for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Terms: jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/. Based on iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower from October 2024. Scratch tickets subject to availability Eroxon: Try Eroxon today – available in stores and online. Visit https://www.eroxon.us to learn more. Open Phone: Get 20% off of your first 6 months when you go to https://OpenPhone.com/kfc Visit https://OmahaSteaks.com for 50% off sitewide and for an extra $30 off, use Promo Code KFCRADIO at checkout. Netflix: Watch Love is Blind Season 8, now playing only on Netflix. New episodes drop every Friday. Evan Williams: Enjoy Game Day’s #1 Pour, Buy Now. Join Bourbon Nation. https://evanwilliams.com/bourbonnation ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I really want Black Pope. I was so jacked up for Black Pope last time. I just want the headline, White Smoke, Black Pope. That would be great, right? Real cool. All right, Jack Pocket, America's number one lottery app. They are the official presenting sponsor of KFC Radio.

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Board were prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. See terms at jackpocket.com slash TOS slash free slash ticket slash promo. Scratch tickets subject to availability. Sponsored by Jack Pocket. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We got cat burglar Jackie in the building. What? What? What? What?

Cat burglar. It's an all black outfit, guys. Jackie's a ninja. We just came from a 10 a.m. appearance at Sirius XM, which almost broke Fidelberg. I was just like, all weekend, I was like, I don't know how I'm going to survive one day. Why?

Because I have to do one extra thing. And we always start at 11.30. It turns out it's crazy easy to do one extra thing. Yeah, we popped up to Sam's show. We did an hour there that blew by. Oh, that was easy. I mean, I didn't see the clock. That was good radio.

I literally thought we were there 15 minutes. If you haven't seen that, Sam Roberts is basically holding down the remainder of the Opie and Anthony universe on Sirius. How did you lose your body? I don't know. I got a little bit of a cough over the weekend, and it just went. We had the elevator on my way up. We had the craziest thing. Not the craziest thing.

It wasn't that crazy. No, this always happens at Sirius. I was in an elevator with 10 people. They pulled out of the elevator. Kevin was waiting in the lobby already. Cameras, boom mics. We have no clue who. We couldn't tell who was the person in the group.

No one was pointing the cameras at anyone. The harness, the boom mic. Every time we go to Sirius, there are people who roll in there with an entourage. I'm like, bro, entourage level to me is like a list yeah like even if you're like b-list like you can show up somewhere without your hand there are like 10 people alive who get right that's what i mean you better be like famous when maybe you have like a publicist maybe you have like a social media person once you have like a cameraman a boom mic three handlers and like a agent you better be fucking Brad Pitt.

You better be famous. And then they had like, can you sign it? They told one person to go sign them all in. Yeah. And the sign-in process is not easy. Holy moly. You think you're getting into Guantanamo or some shit there. You got to take pictures and write your company name and all that shit.

I use all fake stuff. Did you? Really? I had my email. I just had a typo on purpose and then my phone number was my childhood landline so i always do that there's you just get so much i got out i had two texts like from spam 100 everyone just can you can buy my information wherever you need it right it's out there i don't need to type it in. If you fucking want it, go buy it from one of the 10,000 people

selling it. I used to always use the name Chase Daniels as like a fake before I went. That's a very famous quarterback. Yeah, no, I know. I was Chase Daniels

before Chase Daniels. Not very famous. He's like actually very famous for being not that good. Yeah. Yeah. Chase Daniels.

Are you pretending to be a dude? University of Southern Missouri? I'd be very impressed if that's the case. Missouri. Missouri. Damn. Chase Daniels, she says. No, I just wanted something neutral where you couldn't tell who I was.

Because the whole point was I was like, Starbucks. I don't want Starbucks to take my you know identity so I'd be like so then they would like then I would like forget to respond to Chase like they'd be like

oh an order for Chase and I'd be like why did I fucking do this that is so stupid that is the dumbest thing you've ever that's me that's me

yeah you were probably expecting a southern man how was your ski bomb weekend it was good Jackie was interviewing snowboarders

out in where Aspen Boston Boston similar although Boston so cool it's a cool city

yeah what'd you do like I mean not even anything like I was just barely there it like literally

like I I don't know why there was snowboarders but like I have to so know why it was just there was snowboards but like i have to so i didn't actually interview the snowboarders because like like we were just there but i did i'm sorry i did interview two of them but like i have to delete the footage because it's like i knew i wasn't gonna be good at it like i knew i didn't want to do it and like it's totally fine no it's like they they sniffed me out right away how much she edits herself out of the podcast like so much so much why stop yeah i know i talked to her i talked to

her about like getting her off like that like doing the main edit she was like i don't know i don't have control over what goes out this is the state tv we've never walked out of here after recording it and i thought, Jackie should delete blank. I'm always like, that was a disaster. No way. That was a disaster. People want more Jackie, not less.

No, no. But anyways, it was good. How was your guys' weekend? I told her next winter, if I see her from November 1st to March 1st, I'm going to be mad at her. I love that.

I want full ski bum Jackie content creator go live in Aspen for three months. I mean, I would love that, but I'm also just like... It's clearly what she wants to do. She talks about it so much, and I just said to her, you have a job where you can go do that. Don't not do it. I also think we should legitimately do

like a Winterhouse, Barstow Winterhouse. Yeah, sure. Go do it. Do all that. Run the... Big plans for next winter. Start now, because it's goingow Winterhouse. Yeah, sure. Go do it. Do all that. Run the big plans for next winter. Start now because it's going to come quick. Yeah. Yeah.

Got to get the house and everything. Urbanists unite. Urbanists unite. For me, Nate, and a whole bunch of urbanists are going to continue to fight for congestion pricing the the fidelberg sent me today the the governor made a powerpoint for donald trump and it's hilarious because it is like legitimately a powerpoint for like middle school yeah it's just like picture fact that's it you can tell it's made for like a child but it's effective it is

effective like like it is it's like literally a child. But it's effective. It is effective. It literally just takes Trump's language. We're going to build a big, beautiful city. We're going to use a big, safe this. It's just like myth. This is not true. But the numbers are in. Traffic is down.

Business is up. We're raising money. Congestion pricing is here to stay. I don't know why anyone cares. Outside the city. Yes.'s a it's a national platform it seems that we're arguing about it has turned traffic in new york political i i said to you if if somehow it was reversed if congestion pricing was in place and new york reversed it trump would swoop in to reinstate it and people would just buy that side of it. Right. Like it, somehow people now think that in order to continue to be conservative and support Trump,

you need to be against congestion pricing. When I'm pretty sure, and I don't know. And so if you are like a small business that's getting hurt or a average commuter who is like getting wiped out, I'm sure there's a few people and that sucks, but I'm pretty sure like most people on all sides are into this. Yeah. I mean, obviously I've just spoken to my bubble, but I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I take this up, but I don't really care what it, how it works, but the, like,

I forgot what I was saying, but I, I did think that the, I think the business thing was going to be, Oh, I mean, it's like 100% of my circle Is positive

Which is like a small sample but usually a pretty good indicator That like average people are all going to Buy into this I did think the one thing I was like Yeah people are going to stop driving into the city But they're And so business will be down And I guess the numbers are proving out that

People walking on the streets more Is better for small businesses And less time just sitting in gridlock and I guess the numbers are proving out that people walking on the streets more is better for small businesses and less time just sitting in gridlock actually has more people doing shit where it's like I can drive in now and it won't take an hour and a half so let's go to that show right right so they said Broadway is not suffering small businesses are not suffering now you always gotta who knows every number is fake all these stats fake news on all sides who knows but the numbers that are coming out are like they're raising money traffic is down business is fine accidents are down it's like all good things and is it literally just new york that

is being not even just new york it's like it's like what's it's just one zone 50th down 60th now yeah and so i would love to really figure out the numbers because I still don't understand how it works so well. They said hundreds of thousands of cars are off the street. And everyone's like, oh, the average working person is getting taxed. I don't think they are because the average working person takes mass transit the average person does not own a car pay a lease uh pay for parking and all the all insurance all that associated with living in the most expensive city in the world they take the subway they take metro north they take the bus so i don't know really who if you pay a thousand dollars a month for parking

you probably can afford the nine dollars so the only thing I can think is that it just wiped out like a billion Ubers and Lyfts, which I'm okay with. That was already fucking bullshit to begin with. A bunch of people and their dirty ass fucking Honda Civics just becoming rideshare drivers who suck at it and are, you know what I mean? Like, let it be yellow calves. Let it be the people who really run like a business of rides share. And the rest of the people get the fuck out. I had people today saying, what about the parking lots? Fuck the parking lots. Parking lots have been jacking their shit up and eating off of the average person because

it's a premium to drive in the city for decades. If they take a hit. Good. Fuck. I mean, are we really saying what about the parking lot? That's what I mean. It's like people. It has become so political

that it's like business is down. No, it's not. Okay, well, what about the parking lots? You know what I mean? It's like they have to latch on to something because this has been now posed as Trump versus left versus right, pro-Trump versus not Trump, you know?

Octopussy guy is calling me. What? Answer that. Yeah, answer that. Hello? Evan, how are you? Good how you doing? My friend My friend who like

I'm really close with He works for the governor And I saw you like Tweeted about something He wanted to be introduced to you So I wanted to see if it was cool To put you on text Yeah sure

Yeah absolutely Cool Everything else good with you? Yeah man Thank you bro Alright cool Got you Alright thanks Alright we're going To the governor's house Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Cool. Everything else good with you? Yeah, man. Thank you, bro. All right, cool. Got you. All right. Thanks.

All right, we're going to the governor's house! Me and Kathy Hochul, let's go! I really am reaching a point where, like, I truly just don't like traffic. This is not political. I said Stalin could—I was going to say Hitler, but Hitler is a tough, tough guy. I said Stalin could come up with congestion pricing and I would support it. It's not Trump. It is not left. It's not right.

But I was like, I'm getting a lot of heat. Like I'm getting a lot of, you know, it's split, but I'm just saying heat in general. And I'm like, I'm over that. I don't like heat anymore, but I got to fight for the urbanists rise up. So now I'm going to the governor's house. Let's go. That is fucking hilarious. Did you see NPR?

They didn't play my clip, but they mentioned me. It's like, there's gotta be a more legitimate news source talking about this, no? Am I the only, maybe they're just latching onto me because I'm the only one who's blatantly willing to be like, fuck yeah, let's go. Tax people. You're the face of this and kendrick and the

halftime show oh my god but that's another one dude i can't the the amount of videos that i am still to this day being fed that are just like old white people and white women and like corny people who are like this isn't kendrick Kendrick was amazing. I'm like, I don't need, I don't think I would want that if I was a rapper. Yeah. Like I'm sure you've seen a bump and everything. It's like, but if that's my bump,

I don't need some finally crossed into suburban mom. Yeah. It's crazy to me. That's, it's a very, did you see Drake was the number one rapper with 8 million records? I saw that. Yeah.

He put on an album this year. Imagine the worst year of your life. You're number one. And you went eight platinum that's crazy sexy songs for you everybody's saying kendrick said like fuck the big three it's just me and he came in third place that's funny like now kind of seeing the like how viral like i feel like at least on tiktok like it's like so many audios like everything is based around the performance right now yeah i mean like maybe so i mean i think there's those there's a difference between being like change your toot i guess no like i don't think it was

ever not going to be talked about you know like i guess if you do something that's provocative enough where everyone's talking about it like you did a good job i i still just think the songs and the performance was not good but i there was never a world where i was going to say like that's going to not be a big story you know yeah but but the fact that it is like become a tiktok trend and and everyone's doing the dance and all that like that part was well done they they they tweaked the song a little bit and made an easy dance like i'm sure that was probably thought of what was that for kendrick to that or drink to that oh yeah kendrick just do like a little two-step this way and that way and it's like i'm tripping i'm sleeping on everybody can do it yeah um like with the big jeans people put

on like the big bell you know i that to me was like a moment of like, we have a celebrity problem. Like the fact that those jeans were not universally made fun of is crazy. If anybody else, if a little man walked in here right now, like if a salesperson who's five foot five walked in with bell bottoms underneath his foot, we would make fun of him mercilessly.

Yeah, but that doesn't apply. I know, but some things are inherently like that's lame. I didn't realize how short he was until the Super Bowl show. He was literally wearing women's size 29 jeans. The actual pair of jeans are women's jeans. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

Let's talk about the elephant in the room. My penis. No, it's not that. It's erectile dysfunction. Still, my penis. One in four men 18 years or older experience ED, which means that you or someone close to you might be experiencing it. That means out of the four of us, me, you, Jackie, and Pabst, one of us dicks.

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You do look a lot like Patrick. But, like, if it's not Kendrick, it's like you'd be so... Dude, you see Jerry M Jeremy Allen white last night? He looked fucking good at Sag Awards. Yeah, I did. The reason I say is because he had flared pants on I Also think there's a difference between like, you know when you were wearing your red bell bottoms versus like the jeans that are like underneath his foot Did you see to me to miss you? I'll make speech. Yeah, he's the he's catching heat for that. Why well I shouldn't say I won I saw one twitter

uh one instagram account that was like a like a hollywood reporter type thing you know and this is this is you're doing by the way kenji lamar jeremy allen white all these people is feidelberg in in amsterdam blame blame ralph lauren not me talk about slot bucket oh yeah oh my god feidelberg is a tastemaker. And the day, like, listen, I've been riding this wave as long as I could. The day that the rest of the world figures this out, you're gone. You're going to Hollywood. What Feidelberg does, the culture follows.

And he gets zero benefits. I know. But eventually, like, somebody who's at a fashion brand or a network is going to be like, just follow this guy around and let's just pay him money to exist. Because we know for a fact that the Red Bell Bottoms in Amsterdam led to Ralph Lauren being like, this is our mood, right? Pop it on Ralph latest mood board and like and that was a direct one but like that that is like you are fashionable you were wearing something

like aggressive and and provocative in fashion so it kind of all makes sense that like somebody would jump on board with that this latest one gq saying that a slop bowl is the way that real men feed themselves fucking right this is directly finalberg 101 gq you'll have breakfast this morning what'd you have salmon and rice from like a week ago and the video is just a guy eating out of his bucket the slop bowl that's crazy i mean mean, slop buckets. Like, just GQ, go all the way, call the bucket, and give my man props. They're covering their ass so when you sue them, they can say, that's a slop bowl.

But I mean, that is directly, directly Feidelberg inspired. Like, what's next? GQ being like, eat, palm your chicken in front of the refrigerator. But I'm happy about it. More people should know. Yes. It is a completely acceptable reason to fucking, a way to eat. AI has it.

Look. Is it doing me? Whoa! Yo! You're finally getting your credit, bro. You're finally getting your credit. I'm telling you, dude. Look at that.

The top tweets. Yeah. Fidelberg the slot bucket genius are discussing her both at some point somebody is gonna realize this

and they're just gonna be like we pay this man to live and what he wears we sell what he eats we make what he says we follow

you're like a cult leader without being the leader it's a call to bang all the ugly ladies who come along with that have we looked up the uh writer of the article and see if that's it that's that's good investigation the i i when i posted that and i said like Feidelberg, you know, is going to take over the world. I got a lot of a lot of mentions, a lot of replies to that on Instagram being like, it's scary how much I like I align with him and agree with him and shit. You truly are the everyman.

Emily Lawrence, you bitch. No, she knows. She's right. She is correct. The slop bowl is a completely viable way to eat. I also don't like to be alive for two years now I also don't like that it was written by a woman because now it makes me feel like it was written in jest. Now it makes me feel like you're making fun of me.

And I like my slop bowl. Emily, you bitch. It's crazy to me that anyone eats any other way. Okay, now we've got to do a test, though. You can't fake it. So I don't want you to just come up with something. But whatever your latest thing is, we got to test. You got to say it and see who follows suit.

I don't think that's happening. You don't have to do it right now. I'm just saying come up whatever you're – you've always got to take. That's like this is out or this is in or just a weird thing that you do. You do hit like – you know what I've been doing lately? Yes. That's it.

Very subtle. You should have like a series called – you know what I've been doing? You just say – I'm waiting for like jump roping to like become a thing. Something else that you do that's pretty uniquely you is next. I went rock climbing this weekend. Maybe it's rock climbing. No, I wouldn't recommend it. Dude, it's easy.

You were indoors just like going to a ceiling and propelling back down? I was indoors. So I was at Stratton. And I skied in the morning yesterday with my dad. And then he finished the day. And he's like, I got to get back home, like back to Massachusetts. And I was like, all right, I'm going to stick around a little bit. And so I skied a little more. By yourself? alright I'm gonna stick around a little bit and so I like to ski by yourself yeah I see more and then I was

like yeah there's that fucking it's called climb and I was like there's a rock climbing thing down like in the Stratton Village check that out you're not a good rock climber though terrible late like like it's a very you're like the best editor brain lean and like yes very lean and flexible You're a rock trying to rock climb It's like if the mountain tried to climb itself There was a time Within the last year We were at this bar in Hell's Kitchen

Called Scruffy McDuff's or something like that And they have a game at the bar They have a bar At the bar And if you hang for a minute You get a free beer and a t-shirt And everyone was like fight you gotta do it You gotta do it at the bar and you, Hey, if you hang for a minute, you get a free beer and a t-shirt and everyone, we were like,

fight, you got to do it. You got to do it. And I don't know that you can put your arms above your head. I was like, I can't do that. Yeah. And the bartender was like him.

No chance. Yeah. And they were like, the guys like him think they can do it. And it's, it's fucking 150 pound hipsters. Yeah. Cause yeah,

it's fucking hard to hold up as fucking fat as I am. Like the whole time. It takes a lot of strength. So funny, by the way, 150 pound hipsters who can do it because yeah it's fucking hard to hold up as fucking fat as I am like to hold up it takes a lot of strength it's so funny by the way that's the thing that they do that at Rye Playland which is like a

amusement park in Westchester for like children yeah and I mean I guess the weight thing is there but like you know when

I told you I've been hanging I'm getting really fucking good no I told you I've been hanging I'm trying to get a good. I told you I've been hanging. I'm trying to get a minute. I'm going to record myself. It's so hard, though. I remember Keegan trying to do it.

He was six years old. He did it for five seconds. What are you hanging from? I'm hanging from a bar. Well, I figured that, but where's the bar? At the gym. And you just go. Just like this.

Do you put your knees up? When they start getting tired, I start lifting them a little bit to distribute the weight differently. But yeah, at first, it was like 10 seconds. We're like six months in, seven months in. We're up to like 45 seconds. Wow, that's progress. I've been hanging. I've been hanging.

Have I gotten any taller? But I go to this fucking climbing place. And I had visions in my head of it being like this. I don't know what I thought a climbing place looked like. It's a room the size of this room with just one high schooler sitting in it. And he was like, what's up? I was like, I don't know, man. You tell me.

What's the deal with this place? That's the worst because they're watching you too. So then it just ended up being me and him in a room while I climb in total silence going, just. Usually those things, there's a million walls. So there's like no one's watching you. It's the size of this room. So finally I got down.

I put on some music from my phone to try and offset the grunts coming from me because it's like so this this is what really sucked no there was it was dead that is so it is dead silence me and a high school age kid and i was like i was like so what's the deal with these like how does it work it's like you've never done it no man i'm just trying to check in it out and he goes all right yeah he shows me how to like strap in and he's like yeah and then you just climb and I was like well but what like what if I fall and he's like it was an automatic belay and he goes it'll activate it catches you and I was like so I just have to trust it and he's like yeah I mean like you know he's obviously explaining to

me someone who's worked with it for yeah months however long he's. And he's like, yeah. And I've been like, you know, he's obviously explained to me someone who's worked with it for months. I was like, he's been there. He's like, yeah, it'll, it'll catch you. And so I get to the top and I'm,

I'm falling and I'm like, I'm gonna fall. Cause you're the, the really hard part about it is that your body, at least this is my one time ever doing it. Uh, understanding. I did not realize like my,

my muscles did not realize i wasn't hanging on for dear life like like my muscles my brain wouldn't like i was squeezing everything so hard so like if i slip i die right and my body just couldn't get the fact that like you're okay will yeah yeah yeah but the thing that sucks about the automatic belay is that it takes a second to activate. Yes, you get a free fall. But free falling from up top is easy because it'll catch me. But when I fell from eight feet up. Oh, you just hit the ground on it?

No, it would catch me right at the last second. Yeah, that's tough. So I'd be like. I'm just like making these guttural noises echoing through this empty room. As I keep trying to climb a children's wall, this kid's in the corner pocket like, what the fuck is going on over here? Because he couldn't really see me. He could just hear like. see you like that's one of your best bro it's like a guy around the corner you're right

what the fuck is wrong with this guy i can only imagine you make a lot of noise trying to lift like 200 pounds You got to the top though? I got to the top But not of all the wall I honestly did it for like a half hour And then I was like

And how sore are you now? I'm done It's just my forearms Because I don't think you work those out a lot And stuff like that And like again They were grabbing like If I fall I die

Well I had I had one of my more like shocking you gotta you gotta clean it up moments um i probably i probably shot about 30 hockey pucks the other day what wrecked my body really um matt molson former islander and former nhl player came to my house uh the guys were doing the renovation with a sponsor, his junior's hockey team. So they were talking to him, and he was like, oh, I know Casey. He was a big stoolie when he was on the Islanders. We hung out a few times when that was a big thing.

So he came by the house, and we did a hockey challenge, which was ridiculous. They were like, let's see who's going to win. I was like, do you guys know who I am? Were you under the impression I played for D1 hockey or something like that? I don't think I've ever shot an actual hockey puck in my life. Really? I don't think so. Probably a rollerball.

When would we have done? If you're not a hockey guy. That makes sense. I was shocked. I guess gym class we we played with like a orange like plastic yeah yeah i don't think i've ever shot a real hockey puck and it was like who's gonna he he put up these um you know when they put those signs signs in your on your lawn that says like gunner roofing is here he put up like five of those and the the closest one was like 20 feet away and the furthest one was

probably like a hundred feet away and he was like you got to try to see like which one you're gonna hit i was like which one like first of all it's none and i'm only shooting for that one bro but um but like you know it's like when you go bowling and you weird like my obliques i'm like yeah it's a weird movement that i've literally i guess maybe when I swing a baseball bat or something similar, but other than that, I've never done it. And the next day I was like, Oh man,

I can't even shoot a puck a few times. And then the worst part was, uh, so we, we do, we do like three different hockey challenges. It was like, try to hit the sign.

Then it was like a, a long distance thing with a fucking goal. That was like 300 yards away. And then we did like we hung slate that we're taking slate off my roof and we hung it you try to hit the hit it with the puck and break the slate which oddly enough i did do that really that's sick i was like what so um but then he brought connect four i think to try to like even the playing field and i just got smoked like a bit Like a big one

And I was like fucking around with him Like oh you're going to be able to use your brain now Jock And he just rocked me three times In Connect 4 It was like eating at me I was like I can't believe I lost Connect 4 three times in a row One time I just you know when you're just like not using your brain

I was just like putting him in And he got like four in a row on like his first four tries So I was like oh that was stupid But I wasn, not using your brain. I was just, like, putting him in, and he got, like, four in a row on, like, his first four tries. So I was like, oh, that was stupid, but I wasn't really trying. The other two, I was like, he got me both times. Like, fuck, man. But, yeah, sore from that kind of shit is like, oh, man. That's tough.

Yeah. I remember I had the, when we went to, like, MGM bowling, and we, like, we bowled for, like, a game. Yep. And my shoulders hurt. It's just if you don't use those things for any any like stability or quick motion

where when you do use it your body's like no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Squeezing lemons I said that the other day and then like my wrists. How many lemons did you squeeze? Like four.

That's worse than me. Don't you work out? What? Don't you work out? I don't know why the lemons took me out. What's your workout? Tell the people.

Drop your routine. I mean, it's just like, I don't like you. Do you like lift? I feel like I said I've worked out a few times and you've said multiple times like, oh, she works out every day.

I don't work out every day. I thought you worked out when you walked to Pilates every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twice a week. Oh, okay. Three times a week, yeah.

That's a lot more than the average person. Yeah. You have to understand most people do nothing. Okay, yeah. You go somewhere for three times a week and you would take long walks and shit. I'm developing one app. I have one singular app. By one pack.

It's like a fake app. Do you lift at all? No, no. That'd be funny if Jackie was just... There was a phase where I did it. I got kind of jacked. Really? Lifting?

Not... But it was fat over jacked, so it wasn't a good kind of jacked. It was what? It was just kind of like... It wasn't the best kind of jacked. It was just... You were like a softball catcher.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, you want to be like a softball... I'm not playing a softball catcher. Exactly. Yeah, you want to be like a softball, like a soccer player. Second base. Yeah, yeah. You're a softball catcher. Running your own business and being heavily involved in your work means that you're always on your phone. You're always taking work calls.

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Whoa. Jealous. Like, I... For fun years. the gym this weekend and i almost got in my first fight in a very long time whoa yeah jealous like like it didn't get to like any kind of like pushing or anything like that but it was one of those like i was mentally ready i was like okay we're gonna fight and i was like that's pretty far to get there it was it was it was like to be like all right hands will be thrown it was like i was i was willing to put my toes over the edge, but he had to push me. Were you at a bar? No, I was at the gym. Oh, the gym.

And it was... Gym fight, real meathead shit. It was, like, honestly, still thinking about it, I was just like, I'm like, I hated this guy. I hated this guy. It was at, I was at the gym at Stratton, and I was in the bathroom beforehand and he came into the bathroom and I just didn't like the cut of his jib like the second he came the second he came in I was just like there's something about this give me a description how old are we talking what are we like probably 45 white guy white guy 45 to 50 uh hair gelled which I don't like at the gym yeah

like that pissed me off he I didn't like at the gym that pissed me off I didn't like his outfit he had a cut sleeve shirt on he was in shape he was in good shape yeah I know the type and then he got into the stall

and I was washing my hands and I could see his feet and they were facing they were facing sideways my whole time washing my hands and that pissed me off what was he doing there?

that's what I was thinking Kevin pissing sideways? what is this guy doing it really bothered bro i would love this somewhere in an alternate universe this guy's on a podcast going i was blowing my nose in the stall and this guy wanted to fight me no it's 100 i was also being a cunt but i noticed him being kind of like what i'm to turn my meter up. Like, so then we get into the gym and it's, you know, the gym is where like you got all the dumbbells on the rack right there. Yeah. And typically the way I've learned you go to the gym is like you get the weights you need and then you go off to your little section and you don't keep standing in everyone's way.

And he kept he was just standing there. Like doing his workout? Yeah. And so he just kept being in my way, like nonstop in my way to the point where I would move benches. I'd be like, okay, he's standing in front of this bench now. I'll move to this one. And I'd be like, okay,

he's going to stand in front of this bench now. I'll move to this. Jesus. I'm going well out of my way. Yeah. And then it keeps happening. It keeps happening. So I'm like, okay, fine.

Time to turn my cunt meter up. And what I do when I'm trying to get under someone's skin. The cunt meter, the girlies would love that. Just a little. Let me twist that a little bit up. What would you say your cunt meter stays at? Is it a zero? I'm pretty close to a zero.

The other thing about this is you're pretty non-confrontational. Pretty much pacifist and stuff. So to get to this level, you've got to be a fucking prick. I'm as close to a zero as I think you can be. But when I activate it, my modus operandi is I... Okay, now you're getting too technical. I just start looking like I'm having a lot more fun than you. So I'm walking around the gym, I'm laughing, I'm dancing. I'm doing weights that I'm like, oh, fun than you. So, like, I'm walking around the gym.

I'm laughing. I'm dancing. I'm, like, I'm doing weights that I'm, like, oh, that's a hard one for you? That's easy. You know what you're really trying at? It's a fucking literal joke to me. Like, literally, I was just popping around the gym. I was, like, really.

And then we start. I'm coming back to my weights. A bench. I've moved, like, three times. So gay. Yeah. And I'm coming back to my weights. A bench. I've moved like three times. So gay. Yeah. And I'm in between two benches. And there's not a lot of room to move.

I'm in the tunnel now. Yeah. And he starts coming into it. And I realize, oh, he's not even going to fucking move. So I fucking jam my shoulder into his chest. No way. No. And I look back and I'm like my bad my bad

you motherfucker like i got the tunes i'm bopping you know how it is bro and uh that's great he fucking um he finally i so then i start doing another workout at a different part of the gym. I come back, and my weights are still at the desk. I was doing like a superset thing. And my weights and water bottle are there. And he's like, his calves are on my bench. They're touching.

You couldn't. I respect both of you. This is a good battle. You guys would be friends. And I finally took my headphones off. Yo, you fucking following me? And he was like, what? No.

I was like, you're on my fucking bench. I've moved bench three fucking times. Everywhere I go, you're there. And he's like, dude, just say sorry and I'll move. I was like, why the fuck would I say sorry? Oh, shit. Yo, this is like the most I've ever heard you. And then that's how it ended.

And then he moved. But that's enough where I would be like we are going to fight you yeah I was 100% fully prepared I also think this is where you don't realize this we've had this conversation before

that guy wanted no smoke I don't care how good a shape he is he was in good shape he was his you know there's you're a fucking boulder dude

like this is like a really meathead version of like the armrest yeah boiling blood but you're both silent yeah i do love that though like i'm gonna go put my fucking feet on this guy's bench yeah no we were my shoulder 100 we're both being cunts yeah but i love it i could all

if you ask me he started it yeah well that i believe You don't go looking for it. But, I mean, you know, if Heidelberg makes the choice, it's go time. It's over. It's a wrap. I was like, luckily, the guy who was working at the gym, like the front desk, was a stoolie. So I was like, he's got my fucking name. He'll lie to the cops for me. Let's fucking go, dude. I will turn you into fucking, what's the guy's name?

The guy who eats people dommer i'll fucking dommer you right now dude i will fucking bat your skull in with a 25 five way i don't care i don't know if i don't just killed somebody meet final break for the first time and then 20 minutes later you just hear like after all of hearing how he's like i don't want any problems ready to kill some guy look dude i've always said i wanted to go to jail i'll fucking test it out for you uh speaking of cons to go back to what we were talking about that that one um instagram account i saw that posted chalamet's uh speech oh yeah every comment was like how pretentious how arrogant i was stunned because

because i because i watched i had not seen it yet i saw the comments first and i said oh is this i you know i'm always interested when guys who are like the golden boy you know i'm always looking for the rock to get in trouble yeah i'm always interested to see like oh maybe he's gonna go through some adversity now like people are not all over his dick because he's so beloved and then i listened to the speech and I thought it was amazing. Great speech. I haven't seen anyone who didn't like it.

That might just be like fucking dorks on the internet. But the, like, he even addressed it where he's like, I know we're not supposed to talk like this,

but I'm trying to be great. And I thought that what was going to come was worse. I thought he was going to say, I know you're not supposed to speak like this. I'm fucking great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. To say I want to be great and I compare it to Daniel Day-Lwis and anthony hopkins or marlon brando and i compare them to lebron james and kobe bryant like what it's totally fine no i i love i this kind of happened to him i i said this a couple weeks ago where i said i don't even like that he says the disclaimers yeah yeah that he says yeah. That he says, I know this comes off. Fuck that.

Dude, I'm nominated for Best Actor. I should be nominated for Best Actor twice this year. Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. Dude, he was like, that was five and a half years of my life that I poured into this. And I'm being recognized for it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. He's the youngest to ever win the SAG Award. Really? How old is he? He's 29. He would be the youngest Best Actor ever tied with Brody. Really? How old is he? He's 29. He would be the youngest best actor ever tied with Brody. I was going to say Brody's got to be young, right? What, for a pianist?

For a pianist, yeah. Who do you think has the most pressure on them? I think Meghan Markle in terms of you have the race stuff. You have the whole royal family against you. You have all of England against you. You broke you have the whole royal family against you you have like all of england against you you broke off from the royal family which is not yeah when that girl like sneezes people are on top of it yeah marco marco's a good get i think that she might be it's pretty hard but it also feels very self self-imposed self-inflicted i like she kind of

signed up for it oh you are yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh you my mom would not get along I don't really have an opinion on Meghan Markle well I I can understand it I think it's a little unfair but she does kind of embody like the elitist attitude how so yeah oh i see it as kind of the opposite i i feel like she's an underdog and like i see it as like you think so i mean i think i think she signed up to be a princess and then was like this is crazy we gotta get out of here and it's like i don't know i feel like you gotta know what you're signing up for yeah there's definitely an argument of that i get it yeah yeah i could but like like you know i think we can speak on it a little bit like there you know what you're signing up for a little bit yeah you might be like i was ready for the press i wasn't ready for like the hate or whatever yeah yeah but but that's what i mean though like you got to be

ready for that don't you know don't just think like oh we're gonna leave like richard famous it's like when we sign up for an uber ride and a fucking five car shows up it's like i got an xl and i knew what i was getting but but come on this isn't this is not what i yeah there was an agreement here yeah yeah yeah i mean um like i i don't know fully about but like she she did some shit the other day that was like it was she just does like transparent shit she got like billy eilish merch sent to her for like a fan she ran into a fan who said i like billy eilish and she was like i don't even know who billy eilish is but i got this girl this merch and i was just like i think you're doing this for the press i don't really follow she bought she bought like she met a fan

and the fan this girl and for fan had lost everything in the fires. Okay, that's what it was. And she had just gotten Billie Eilish. So it's ultimately a nice gesture, but it felt very like, you're putting this on Instagram. But that's the point. Like, once you get to a certain position, like, everything is, like, I don't know.

I was trying to do something nice. 99.99% of people can do that, and they're like, wow, what a great gesture. Totally. But, and that's where sometimes it's unfair. And sometimes you really got to check the way you are moving. Because everything she does is met with like, you're a bitch. And some of that's probably unfair.

But some of it's probably a little bit earned. Where if you're going to be in that spot. I mean, what's her face? Queen Catherine is miserable and hates her life. But she doesn't have the heat because she, like, did it all the proper way. The whole, every step of the way. I respect both. She never stepped up.

I respect both. They're like, I'll be quietly miserable. I'll be like, I'm not going to be fucking miserable. And I respect the next girl who, like, whoever is next up. What's the little boy's name? he william i don't know the next like hot chick who the prince is like you want to marry me they better be like no fucking no because it's one thing to be queen and princess in like basically every other year prior to 2000 before the internet and social media and shit yeah because yeah you have you you like you have to like be a royal but like for the most part it's probably awesome when you're

scrutinized in the public eye being a royal is it's like it's like being president it's like if you're if you're like why would you go do that job yeah you're like go just marry a hollywood guy instead of the prince you know you got you've seen her in her FedEx costume? It's so funny. What movie was I watching recently? Google Meghan Markle FedEx. She was just like a throwaway character who like quickly comes in to deliver a FedEx package. And I'm like, that's. Oh, it's Horrible Bosses.

Horrible Bosses. That's the queen of England. No way. That's crazy. You guys know that my college essay was about FedEx trucks? The queen of England. No way. That's crazy. You guys know that my college essay was about FedEx trucks? First of all, I love that you posed that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I read that. We do that.

Your teacher showed it. I scanned that thesis. What did you say about FedEx trucks? Oh, wait. Is it the... Go ahead. What is it? Yeah, it's a logo.

The logo? Yeah. And how people have noticed the arrow and shit? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like a whole... Now, looking back on it, it was like... It was a whole symbolic thing. what is it yeah what's the logo yeah and how people have noticed the arrow and shit yeah yeah now looking back and it was like but it was a whole symbolic thing like i learned about the world through fedex trucks you think that college professors read those things like this is so bad before like a college level like it's an a i got but i had multiple schools tell me it's the best college i've ever read what was the idea is that you notice now you can't look at fedex

but basically when i was younger like i noticed the arrow? It's going to sound dumb when I explain, but basically when I was younger, like I noticed the arrow and I like thought it was so cool. Right. And then I started like counting FedEx trucks and then it was kind of

like an autistic thing. Yeah, that sounds very autistic. So then it was always like three to four on the way to school, five to six on the way back. And then like during Christmas time since I was counting,

I started noticing it was six or seven on the way to school. And I was like, wait, mom, why? Like, am I seeing more FedEx trucks? And I was like, wait, mom, why? Like, am I seeing more FedEx transactions? She's like, first of all, what the fuck is wrong with you?

And second of all, like, it's because it's Christmas time. Deliveries, yeah. So then, like, I started, you know, I learned about, like, markets and whatever. And then there was, then I saw that it was, like, the green is ground and orange is home delivery. And then, like, blue is custom critical. And then i learned about like logistics and i got interested in logistics and then like the logo and then i got interested in logos and then negative space and then it shows you and then it's like and then

it was like the symbolic part where it's like negative space like you know it's it's what's formed around the your insecurity which actually i do believe i stand by to this day i think that the key to self-love is taking your insecurities but then just being like okay that's it but everything else that i formed around it like the fedex logo that's around it is there because of you know whatever insecurity is that's profound yeah that's a good spot that's a good call to say yeah thanks but i do believe that and i think that it's like if you if you can like make the arrow in the negative space part of the beauty of the whole logo there you go that's how fluff no that's that's uh yeah i'd admit you yeah anyway so that's how i got into usa if you guys are wondering why i'm such a

fucking idiot that's why what was your college essay about? I don't, I was just trying to remember. I don't know if I know. I maybe, I think my grandma died like right then. I think I wrote about her. Oh, sorry. Nice.

As I, as I remembered, if it is something, I think it's that and I was like, oh, corny. Your grandma's dead,

big deal. Guess what? She was old. She was a normal fucking grandma.'d you write about i did i left it blank and i said this is what this is a risk you guys know that is that like an urban legend for your generation yeah well you always used to hear that harvard would say tell me about a time when you showed guts and the person turned it in blank and said this is what guts is and they got accepted because i left oh yeah that never happened i wrote about how i used to make out with an 80 year old woman cool cool can you explain it's it's i i mean that's an aggressive way to phrase it but uh

i was really good friends with a lunch lady and she'd kiss me a lot and more sexual abuse man was raped yo shout out betty adult woman in his life babysitters teachers lunch ladies classmates yeah everybody raped if you're weirdly older than me you're attracted to me that's just that's just the way the cookie crumbles baby um but no it's actually the saddest college essay all the time because it was like it was basically like look i know the grades not great and i know the sats not fucking great and i know the extracurriculars aren't ideal and the sports yeah i wish i was better too but i was like it was like

i i i embraced the community where i was like i'm friends with the lunch lady i'm friends with this person um that's pretty good yeah that is good it honestly got a lot of my friends into college i just gave them everyone was like dude they love the essay wow that's great that's awesome i think i think we counted once it was somewhere between four and six of my friends used that i say everyone got it my my brother once wrote a short story it was very like it was very deep i think it was like a homeless person it was like it was just like a story made up story that he wrote really really well and he like got like an award at school or whatever and i just fucking yoinked that and i submitted it like a year later and it got put into like a westchester like short

stories like contest and i had to like go i had to but i went to like like a hotel conference or something where they like announced winners and shit i don't think i wanted or anything i don't remember wait was it yours or you took your friends no it was my brothers it was your brothers yeah and then but he he got like a good grade and like recognized by the school i got like submitted to Westchester Young Writers Association or some shit. He was like, what the fuck is this? Omaha Steaks is the world's best steak experience and brings together people with more than 100 years of family-owned expertise

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What else we got? Do you watch White Lotus? No. You have not watched it? I do, but I just haven't had time. You haven't watched it yet? I have not seen it yet, no. I mean, I know White Lotus is the show to be weird and make you go like, ugh.

But usually it's just a whole bunch of dick. This year we're, we're dabbling in some incest, I think. And it's fucking weird. I've started to think that white Lotus is written by someone who I think might just be like homophobic. Well,

there's Mike White's gay. But okay. Is, is, is he like a self-loathing gay guy? Because all of, all of the gay relationships are pretty dark and like for money or like weird. It's Ned Schneably.

He's the writer? Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. I think he's the best in the world right now. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's great. I'm just saying that.

But everybody, I think, who's been gay in this show, it's kind of not been a very positive gay relationship. But also everyone's negative in it. Yeah, well, everyone's just a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the relationship in the second one? The second season was the dude who said, he said, this is my nephew,

but it was just a guy that he was paying to fuck. That was weird. That's right. And then the Armand in season one with like the yeah the hotel guy yeah all of the sex and i mean it's all yeah so it's not just gay it's straight it's straight people too with cheating and and like sex addiction type shit weird stuff like that but you know what i was thinking about with sex uh scenes last night i was watching a movie where they showed them very intensely sweating and stuff like that. I've never had sweat having sex in my life.

I mean, you've got to be going at it. The only way I'm sweating during sex is if I'm going to break a sweat. I have to be in a sauna. If it's in a steam room, then maybe. They were dripping wet, and I was like, I think I've sweat while attempting to climax once. a steam room than maybe like like they were dripping wet and i was like this is i think i think i've uh sweat while attempting to declimax once and it was drug involved the only way that's happening is is like temperature of the room not i'm not in a

comfortable room yeah so hard so long i started dude it was i was watching munich uh because i saw sept September 5th fairly recently and I just wanted to see the other side of the story. Not the other side of the story, but the other, what happens after. And you know, it's a Spielberg movie about how Israel responded

to the terrorist attack at the Munich Olympics. And basically they had five guys who just went and killed everybody. It was like, just go, assassinate everyone. And they did fine. It's actually a really good movie because it's about what do you lose seeking vengeance and what parts of your life do you have to sacrifice and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Because actually, I think the gist I get from the movie is it wasn't really considered a success. They killed five guys, but they were supposed to kill 11. And every guy they killed, six more popped up like how you know all that shit works um but at the end it's eric bann is the star at the end eric bann is fucking and he fucking intensely a fucking hard sweat and it's it's intercut with the scenes of like the final if you know what happened in Munich, they got all the hostages to the airport, and then there was a big gunfight, and everyone died. Hostages died, terrorists died, everyone died.

So it's Eric Bana just banging hard, and then it would cut back to a gunfight at the fucking airport. And it was kind of like reaching the climax of those two situations. And then when he comes, it was like kind of like i don't know reaching the climax of those two situations and then like when he comes it's like and then it cuts back and the helicopter is exploding and i was like i don't think these two really jive i'll tell you this no one's ever gonna call me climaxing a helicopter exploding i don't i don't bring the noise like that like a big terror like imagine if it was like. The towers are coming down.

I'm banging. 9-11's coming. What the hell? We start at some kind of play. Let's roll. And I'm like. What the fuck? Why are these two tied together like this?

Forever that horrible terrorist attack is going to be in my head. Eric Bana was banging during it. It's a very weird thing. There's a scene in this season of White Lotus that it was jarring. I gasped. My man, Walton Goggins, who is fucking the man. He's so good. One of our best interviews ever.

He has one of the best catalogs ever. And White Lotus season three is only adding to his legend but his girl pops the top and he just starts sucking on her tit sucking tit don't love it don't i think i i think i think there's supposed to be some mother shit going on there right okay because that's yeah as soon as i start sucking tit but like there's a countdown like three seconds Bro She's sitting on his lap Kind of like intertwined She pops the top Great rack Daddario like true detective

And I was like oh whoa And then he just like I'm pretty sure just like sucked on her nipple Right That scene is like There's no way to I guess you could have like a prosthetic boob or some shit Scroll down real quick nipple in real life right perhaps that that scene is like yeah like there's no way to i mean i guess you could have like a prosthetic boob or some shit but like no scroll down real quick up real

quick to that tweet i can't be the only one who finds these weirdos adorable you had to throw a like on that one you tried to hold it off i'll talk about it i think that they're the best part of the show. They are adorable. I do. I find them adorable. No, Julia Lynn Rubin, you're not the only one. Mikey Pavinelli. All right, so I don't know the difference between a like and a bookmark. I like things to make sure I can go back to them and show up.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I like what you say. No, I'll throw a like on something like this like yeah i fucking like that too dog is there any video of it i would love to like i don't know if they just yeah like i don't know if if she just said go for it but he's just like i'm pretty sure just sucking on that nipple yeah of course you are is that is that for real though like i thought they usually don't do that kind of stuff i i guess there's

some nipple kissing in movies but this was like a i would guess you talk it out you're like yo you you're good is it supposed to like are you just assuming there's some weird mother stuff or do they no he he uh he says his mother was murdered when he was younger so i think i think it's a you know an issue like that. But I'm just saying from a point of view of a sex scene, there's usually like you wear what they call a merkin or you tape it up or whatever. You still got to kiss and shit like that.

You got to grab ass. Yeah, so that's where I was like, okay, you do kiss, so there's mouth stuff involved. But just mouth on titties. I assume it's just like, so how do you want to play this? One time I hooked up with a girl and I remember being like, I was really shit-faced. And it was like someone from high school who like, we were friends in high school. We ended up kind of running into each other in the city.

So the whole thing was weird in general. I remember being like, I'm down here too long. This is weird. It's a quick a quick stop. Yeah. I have a question. In one of the, what's his face? What's it?

Montoya clips? Yeah. The guys are watching, and all the guys are crouched like that. Is that for a reason? Because they're watching porn. So are they trying to hide like a i would be shocked you gotta be you gotta be a real pervert to just watch a quick clip of some girl under the sheets getting clapped and be like my dick's hard yeah yeah well i don't know like yeah they're all hunched over there no if you're watching people make out

in a hot tub and you get hard you're a pervert yeah I mean I'm watching a make out right now soft as can be I will say that show man people get fucked on that show I know it's so like that's like they're sweating John they're sweating

dude what does this guy I don't know at this point what does he have to do to lose like he has you just you just

don't have a girlfriend Montoya it's a reality show right yeah like i think i think the house votes you out and they just like he has to show up like hey hey montoya inigo we got another movie to show you he's like come on can i go home can i go home please like i mean at this point it's crazy i think it's like i think it was legitimately three episodes in a row this girl was getting fucked like that's crazy i lost right i lost the game we've proven yeah the temptation was too much yeah we get it we get it how am i still playing this stupid fucking game, dude? It's like when they used to roll Terrell Davis out there three concussions deep.

He's like, come on, man. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It's so true. It's so true. In shows like this, they want to keep it. They're probably like, you can't go home. You have to just keep watching this. My next episode, Montoya's going to be swimming out of that water. I'm getting work done on my roof, and so they're just banging all the time.

And I made a video the other day being like, either I'm getting my roof done or Montoya's girlfriend's up there right now. I mean, they shake the house when they fuck, bro. They shake the whole room. It's crazy. I just picture this woman. time his name is montoya yes yeah every time montoya sees this woman he's gonna be you gotta be fucking kidding me and she's the one who always says um um we we got ourselves possibly some conclave oh yeah yeah chances i don't want to bury i don't want to bury pope francis just yet you know he is you know he's what 85 was he 88 88 double the condition

see you it's curtains right they said that like he had a good night and he's joking around i'm like bro it's a rock and if it's not you should retire like you know what i mean i don't know it's like you you gotta go pope francis he was he was the good one too right not even catholic is he not catholic of course he's catholic but like he's like not gay oh yeah he lets dogs go to heaven dogs are in heaven gays go to heaven gays can get married you can use condoms birth control that's why there's a couple conservatives in the mix that might win because i think some people are a little fed up with that shit right the the the saying is you follow a fat pope with a skinny one and i don't think that's true because i think it's just been getting progressively more

progressive yeah so i don't think that's happening but we are at it in a climate politically and everything else where people are kind of swinging back where they might be like and kind of like the yankees with the beards like i think they should be fucking i think you kind of should hate gay people like you're still the catholic fucking church man like you gotta have some rules don't get me wrong you bang them all the time but like catholic church does two things hates gay people and like like like i'm not about the hate but i don't think the pope needs to be out here celebrating it let's get back to a little bit of you know like these guys want to go back to like the latin fucking yeah yeah they're crazy this poor bastard ang Angelo Scola, he was the favorite last time.

And I don't know, he just dropped the ball in there. I don't know what went on in Conclave. But the phrase they use when this happens is they say, you walked in the Pope and you came out a cardinal.

Because when the white smoke hit, everyone emailed him and said congratulations. That's how much of a lock he was supposed to be. Dude, do me a favor. Throw me a Google on father. See where his odds are at. That's your guy who a lock he was supposed to be. Dude, do me a favor. Throw me a Google on father of a**. See where his odds are at.

That's your guy who raped you? No. No, we actually might end up bleeping this name. He's like my grandparent's really good friend. And he has like a legit chance. Does he? Yeah. If it's in America.

I was going to say, how old is he? Not crazy old. Age in America, he has the biggest. I was going to say, how old is he? Pretty, not crazy old. Age of 80, he retired. Yeah, your curtains. Oh. You retire when you're 75, and you can't even be a part of Conclave when you're 80. Dude, when did my grandmother die? Because he did her mass, and he was like, I didn't think he looked old at all.

I thought he was like 20 years younger than that. The same thing, Timothy Dolan was the New York Archbishop and he was always in the mix but he's 75 this year so he's out. Damn, dude. I really wanted my grandparents' friend

to be the Pope. Now you know. I'm like, yo, I'm coming over, dude. We're doing a vlog. Bro, how crazy is this? How crazy is this? The Catholic Church

has an age limit on the Pope and we can't do it for the president like the pope 80 oh okay uh actually no 75 75 you can't be you you can't even be a cardinal anymore and 80 you're not even allowed to participate in the vote i think i think we wouldn't have been able to have the 2020 election with those rules yeah i think everybody was the age Trump was probably over 75 Yeah I was like 73 Maybe close Whatever it was But like

The Like priests are old Pope And the pope is the head priest He's gonna be old And they're like Come on we can't have a guy who's 80 How old is he?

78 So he would have been alright In 2020 But damn close you know So I I really like the way That they do the smoke

Oh it's so The pageantry's amazing Dude Seeing Conclave Like Say what you want About the Catholic church they do the smoke oh it's so the pageantry is amazing dude seeing conclave like you say what you want about the catholic church they do pageantry is our jam dude yeah like we yes they fuck kids yes there's cover-ups yes it is a horrifically corrupt institution but when the music gets going and the art gets going and the stained glass and the architecture and the fucking smoke it's i

mean they made a whole goddamn movie out of it which by the way you you did not spoil it for me and you kept saying the ending the end of the ending and then i found out the ending what a dog shit yeah did you watch it no i heard about it now i'm not i mean uh when i wrote my blog i was like this ain't no fucking movie we're not gonna elect a hermaphrodite okay we got this the real fucking deal up in this bitch. The second time I watched the movie, I liked it a lot better. Oh,

look at that shot. And it like distracts everyone from like, like if you were to just come out and be like, Hey, still don't make a decision today. Everyone would be like pissed because it's a smoke. Everyone's like, that's cool.

So I'm thinking if it does go down, I think I'm going to live stream the entire duration. The last two times it's lasted like two days which is a good amount of like this is going on too long but i don't have to like be there for like a week yeah in in like the 1200s it lasted three years crazy um but uh dude i remember when a couple days of that would be fun i went to the vatican and i was so surprised by like despite all that like the power particularly that the Pope had back in the day. Like, it wasn't really them who, like, set.

Like, they still answered to people. The Pope did? Like, as far as, like, I found it interesting that, like, the artists still set culture. And artists would still tell the Pope, like, fuck you. Fuck off, yeah. Like, when Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel and the wall behind it, everyone was naked

and the Pope and the Archbishop's were like, you have to put clothes on them and he's like, nah, I'm sad. Nah, I'm all good. I'm like, oh damn. Like you just tell the Pope

like I'm good. Yeah. And then they just waited until Michelangelo died and then put clothing on them. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

You should do a Fast and Furious stream and then see how many times to watch the whole Fast and Furious franchise over before, like who wins over the Fast and Furious. How long were you in here for?

Like 23 hours, I think, maybe a little more. I feel like there might be drama in this one so it might go on long which could be good, could be bad

but there's, Peter Turks is still in the mix. I really want Black Pope. I was so jacked up for Black Pope last time. I just want the headline, White Smoke, Black Pope. That would be great, right? Real cool.

And then there's his other buddy, Ambongo from the Congo. Ambongo. So he's gone, and he's from Ghana and the other guys. But dude, I mean, it is so interesting. There's a guy from Hungary. I'm always tempted to say Hungaria. There's a guy from Hungary. I'm always tempted to say Hungaria.

There's a guy from Hungary. And for whatever reason, Hungary and his role is considered the bridge between Europe and Africa. So he's good with those two continents. And there's enough people in Europe and Africa that if he gets all that vote, he'll just win. It's like risk. You don't even need the North American vote. I got Europe and Africa. I'm good to go uh and then that guy peter erdo is like he will probably like it like

send gay people to jail he's hardcore he's like fuck peter uh fuck pope francis yeah yeah he's hardcore he's he's actually the hungarian one he's he's the one who's like i just need the africans and the and like uh and we're all set. But we'll see. If it swings back the other way, it's going to be one of those guys. You know what's interesting? Pietro Parolin is the odds-on favorite. He is the Vatican Secretary of the State.

Who's number two? I always thought, who's the number two guy? Don't they just slide him in? 1939 was the last time the number two guy got the gig. Really? You would think that happens like more often than not. But he's Italian. He's Secretary of State.

I just feel like the Guineas are going to like – we got to get our Pope in there. I really believe – I mean Conclave ended up being silly. But I really believe there's probably a lot of shit that goes on in Conclave. Yeah. I mean it's just – in their world world it's still the most important thing and there's i'm conservative you're liberal you're you're black i'm white you're you're this ethnicity that ethnicity like i think that they probably do some shady shit in there for sure i think we just assume everyone does shady shit i think most of the people are doing fine i don't know man i think when you talk about these high power things there's but like no one has any idea what's ever happened in conflict they might just be fucking just partying yeah like that's like the

most yeah the silent kept coming well i mean i guess there's two ways to look at that is like you look at it it's like everyone's just having a good time whereas i think other people are like i'm gonna do some dirt in here because no one's watching no one can catch it maybe i don't know like i i just i as i keep getting older i'm always like at one point like everyone's got to become an asshole or something right and like everyone just kind of stays normal don't you think that like i always think about just i always look at it on like a day-to-day level where i'm like i i see like shady shit and and like ego and drama like at this company i don't really like i did think about that during like the brain gray stuff like everyone kept being like all right what's really happening i was like you guys have all

the information right yeah yeah but you probably know more than me yeah but isn't that kind of like, I mean, like that, there's an example of that where like that was like a big deal. And it's like, we're talking about two podcasters. We're talking about the Pope. He runs a billion people. Yeah, but I don't, I see how it applies outside world. I don't really see how it applies in. What do you mean?

Like, I'm just saying that like there's drama arises arises from any sort of power, fame, money. Right, okay, I see what you're saying. And if this is the highest stakes, there's going to be people who are like, we're stopping that guy and we'll fucking smear him, threaten him, whatever. I'm sure at least that does happen on some level. But all these conclave movie fans are gonna be you know jumping on the conclave bandwagon where were you last time motherfuckers like whoever made it oh what timing dude you're probably gonna get a whole new wave you know

it really was good in the beginning and it is great cast but boy i did not i did not when i when you said it was a bad ending i was like like how bad gonna be just like one of these guys you know and then i was like intersex pope i was like yeah it just it just didn't hit for me at all my my uh my like old man like maybe like i guess like my old man like conservative side is starting to come out i guess like i was thinking the other day about just every single show has a gay element to it. Yeah. Which kind of doesn't make sense, right? It's still a small amount of people, smaller amount of people in the population. Yeah, I guess.

Right? But it's also – everyone just thinks it's happening now. Like if you watch shows from the 90s, it's happening. Like there's a gay guy in it. Yeah. Like 2000s, like there's a gay guy in it. Yeah. Like since we discovered gay people exist, there are gay people in television. yeah 2000s like there's a gay guy yeah like like since we discovered gay

people exist there are gay people in television when did gay get invented like it's not that who do you think was the first openly gay person they but i as my understanding of it it was like in greek times and it wasn't the thing they were just so you weren't openly gay you just like guys right right right it was like there's a hole we put it in bro I wonder who the like modern what is this who's that Ulrich

Carl Heinrich Ulrichs a gay activist before the word homosexuality yeah that's back when you used to say

I fuck dudes yeah I didn't have a fancy word for it 1864 yeah that that's not about checks well also with those shows

I said it before They just want the biggest audience possible So they want to appeal to everybody Yeah I was just watching a show the other day Prime Target on Amazon And it was just like He's got like a goodwill hunting type guy Knows math and shit

And then he's at the bar and the bartender Just starts giving him eyes And I'm like oh he's got like a goodwill hunting type guy who knows math and shit. And then he like, he's at the bar and the bartender just starts like giving him eyes. And I'm like, he's gay. I'm not, I'm not like, fuck this. But I'm just like, it's another,

it, I don't know. I would be interested. I know what you're saying. There's will and grace and there's shows that have been around forever, but it feels like regular quote unquote regular, where it would not be a gay guy or, or a gay person.

There's more of that. I, I, there's probably more but i think people we always think things are happening to us for the first time they've been happening for a long time like it's it's the way the world's been going forever it's like the plane crash shit where it's like oh my god plane crashes are up it's like no it's just the reporting is they're actually down yeah all right uh the internet does not work at Barstool Sports.

The computer doesn't work. The internet doesn't work. Nothing works. So we're not going to do voice-mails. But we have an interview with Kelsey Cook, who is out promoting her new special. She's on Hulu and YouTube. So let's give it a listen. Kelsey Cook on KFC Radio.

Call in. Leave some voice-mails. Yeah, we will get it fixed. And we do need the voice-mails. So leave your video. Season 8 of Love is Blind is finally cooking we got some drama we got the guy we got the girl who had the boyfriend before going on the show that's not good she had a boyfriend while she got on the show she she like like the day before she left for the pod she was hooking up with this guy and she was like it wasn't a relationship it was just friends with benefits and he was like

that's kind of worse you know it's like we weren't a thing don't worry he wasn't a relationship. It was just friends with benefits. And he was like, that's kind of worse. You know, it's like, we weren't a thing. Don't worry, he wasn't treating me nice. He was just fucking me. I was just getting dicked down. These are the people we're dealing with. It's amazing. They just have a knack for finding them. You got the guy who every girl in Minnesota has come out and been like, yeah, he sucks.

He seems like a nice guy. People say that I look like him, so they're like, you're the douchebag. But there's drama abound. There's one girl, she just made up that one of the other guys, that the guy she matched with, found her on Instagram prior to the show. She was like, I recognize you.

It was a couple months back. I got a friend request, and it was you. And so you know what I look like, and you know what was couple months back i got a friend request and it was you and so you know what i look like and you know what was in my bio you've seen my pictures just want to show you made that up well she didn't make it up she thought it was true but she was like and she was like i have an app i have an app that shows me who followed me and who unfollowed me so you will be in there if it happened and he was like he was like hank in in pirate porn he was like i don't think i did but like maybe i did follow you like it's entirely possible but i don't think i did she gets the phone out she's like you better tell me now and he's like i think i'm good and she scrolls through

she's like okay never mind and he's like it's all good i would be like get the fuck out of here i mean you have you basically concocted your story that i am a like lunatic manipulator right and then he was like you just needed to know i mean these people are absolutely animals it's unbelievable uh the latest three episodes are out and then three more coming this friday before leading up to the uh big finale uh the big reunion so uh plenty of drama all basically after the show airs The internet comes out and starts telling all the dirt on these guys And girls So it's all coming to a head

Alright go check out Love is Blind season 8 Available on Netflix now new episodes every Friday Rocking the orange boots Yeah They're filthy I should clean them Living in Minnesota now It's like pure survival But you can't

Washington in my mind those are like similar spots is it not it's it's it's like more brutal it is more brutal a couple weeks ago it was minus 18 feels like minus 26 oh my god so this yeah that doesn't happen in washington you'll drive on the freeway and there are electronic signs that say if your car breaks down stay inside to stay alive it's like holy shit like horror movie shit like you could just like walk outside and die in five minutes it's crazy these are the shit with like the boiling water you just throw boiling water you're like look it's snow already yeah dude i i would legitimately never leave the house oh you just don't okay good you like just don't that's just like what what what what could be so pressing that you have to leave the house in these conditions no nothing i completely disagree

in negative 26 dog i i i have been spending a lot of time in vermont this winter and it gets really cold there it's like negative 14 negative 18 that kind of shit okay and like i don't even wear a coat see there's like some really sick individuals that yeah you would do well it's not even that i don't get cold i certainly get cold but the i just just when you i don't use a car a lot in the city but when i have a car i'm just i know i'm just walking outside the house to get to the car it's not that cold well yeah that i understand but i'm saying if you're doing anything you're're not walking the dog. You're not going for a walk.

Or if I am, I'm bundling the dog. But I'm sure some people – if you have a dog, you got to walk your dog, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You also have a beard. I'm sure the dog's like, fuck that. I'm not going to – Oh, my God. Our dog, it's like he takes the fastest shits you've ever seen in your life.

When he like sprints, poops, gets back in. Yeah, unless you're like a husky or a wolf or some shit. This is not going to happen. It's not happening. What I like though, like I've seen a lot of people posting like this message is from me in the summer five months from now when I'm complaining that it's hot. Like shut the fuck up. But here's the thing. Here's where I still will pick the winter over brutal summers.

Yeah. Everybody agrees when it's negative 26, like we just said, you stay inside. Yeah. Whereas when it's hot, people want you to be outside. Why aren't you at the beach? Why aren't you at the pool? Because it's oppress 26, like we just said, you stay inside. Yeah. Whereas when it's hot, people want you to be outside. Why aren't you at the beach? Why aren't you at the pool? Cause it's oppressively hot out. And I don't want to be like,

to me, those are both extremes where you should be inside in the heat or you should be inside in the air conditioning. One of those things is, is like culturally acceptable. The other one is like, you're a freak who stays inside in the, in the summer.

Right. It's also not acceptable to walk around naked outside. Right. In the winter, it's like you can bundle and bundle and bundle. But you get to a point in the summer where you're like, I'm dying. You can't just be – I don't even like wearing shorts.

I think I look weird wearing shorts. But it's also like – I was thinking about it very recently because I'm kind of at the end of winter. I'm like, I'm pretty much done with it. Yeah, yeah. But that – it's like the last two weeks. So I should be about done with it. And then it's going to be spring and it's going to be nice. And I'll be done with that. I'll be like, last two weeks so i should be about done with it and then it's going to be spring and it's going to be nice and i'll be done with that like i wish it was a little hotter i don't get how you live in one climate forever yeah because i'm like i don't know like i get

sick of it i get bored of it i'm ready for the next one and yeah i think it's fun it's unnatural if you grew up in seasonal weather and you have like an actual four seasons and then you move somewhere else because i lived in la for six years that's so weird to walk around in a tank top in january you're like something's wrong yeah you feel it's like you feel like you're supposed to go through that cycle yeah i remember i went to i went to college in florida for a bit and same thing i'd be like i don't like being in a t-shirt in january this doesn't make any fucking sense to me i don't think it's the way like humans are intended to live. No.

Even though there's plenty of places all across the world that are like that. But I'm like, no, Northeast, four seasons, that's how it's supposed to be. I just get bored. You just get bored of it. I get bored of everything I do in that season. Of the clothes I wear, of the food I eat, the movies, the kind of music I listen to. I need to switch it up. And if you have one climate

you just can't it also makes the warm like fun you know it's like Memorial Day hits it's like it's gonna get warm yeah

I've been full Home Alone 2 Pigeon Lady for six months now I don't know if you saw the coat I wore when I went to it's like

it's an actual sleeping bag it's like sleeve to chin cause you just have to but that's fun it's fun to be the homeless lady for a bit bag, yeah. It's like feet to chin. Sleeping bag with sleeves. Because you just have to. But that's fun. It's fun to be the homeless lady for a bit. And then you'll have the summer.

Like, I like just being a new dude. Like, yeah, fuck it. I listen to winter country music now. In the summer, I'll listen to Bieber, of course. But right now, I got fucking. Get Bieber back in here. Yeah. I was just saying as you came in here.

So the new special's out. And it's on both Hulu and YouTube which I don't think I've seen from anybody you know any of the established comics yet which is an interesting how did that come about because I feel like usually whoever pays you or whatever streaming service takes it up wants

exclusivity and then I also feel like if you're trying to build your YouTube you want everybody to go there so I'm sure there's positives and negatives to build your YouTube, you want everybody to go there. Right. So I'm sure there's positives and negatives to both of it, but it was interesting to see it on both platforms. Yeah, it's a new thing they're trying. Meaning the streaming services? That Hulu is trying.

Yeah, I don't think you would see that with Netflix, but Hulu is kind of like new to the stand-up comedy thing. They're trying some things out. And like you said, there are definitely pros and cons the pros are that if you have something come out on a streamer as opposed to just youtube you can book kind of bigger press things like certain tv shows if you have just a youtube special coming out they're like yeah we can't it's like you're not cool enough right right but as soon as you're like oh hulu and i'm hey. So that's been nice to have some bigger press things. But the downside is that the only public views you see are YouTube. You don't get to see on Hulu what that's gotten.

So compared to my special that came out two years ago on YouTube, that has almost 4 million views now. And that was exclusively where people were watching right so now the new one it's doing it's been out for a week it has like 300 000 views in a week which like this is great yeah but i i think just my ego i'm like oh yeah it's not like the true amount also the amount of people who new audience are reaching people who are yes they're seeing another hulu and yeah is that 300k is that on Hulu or on YouTube on YouTube first of all I watched it on Vimeo so

oh wow what the hell you're not supporting either of them I watched it last night it was just like it was in the the talent booking email so I had a password so I didn't realize it was there but the

I'm just kidding thank you for watching it's so nice of you to watch it we're gonna get to it really really funny thank you but the

does Hulu tell you what your views are I think they will give you they'll tell you a number doing great I remember when we

did a serious show like serious we were like how many people listen to it and they'd be like we can't tell you that what do you mean we can't know how many people listen to the show every day

i mean it you lose all your leverage yeah yeah yeah is it one or is it like can i have a guess of how many people give you a ballpark show i know i think they will give you like a monthly report or maybe a quarterly thing i'll find out something at some point but i don't know either way i think ultimately for comics you want those numbers wherever they are to translate into touring tickets like you want people to come see you live so i just tell myself like wherever people are seeing it is ultimately is that i mean that has been kind of the model do you think it'll stay that way or do you think I just I mean touring There's so much money in it

And I get it But it's also such a Motherfucker It's such a motherfucker Right Like if you If you could Parlay it more into

Internet success A podcast Yeah Ads Views on YouTube Or something like that Like if you could just Snap your fingers and pick one

Would you still want it Want it to be tickets Or if I told you You could have like a super well-established internet personality or existence whatever you want to call it yeah because that to me just seems a lot easier i don't know you're just gonna sit with your cat on your lap in your house in your pajamas yeah i mean i think it's a little bit of both i this is my coming up on 16 years of comedy it's so hard to picture ever not loving doing stand-up and touring but it's like I think it's the amount of touring that starts to make people mentally unwell yeah and physically unwell it's like it's just it's so much to ask of your body to do you think of

the average person they go on vacation maybe like once or twice a year on a plane and they come home they're like oh my god i need six months to recover and it's like yeah we do this like every fucking week it's crazy so i look at you know like like a your mom's house podcast where you're like oh fuck that would be so nice to know that you had this like steady income when you're home you're with your family but then you can choose kind of how you want to tour on top of that. So I wish you could like – But you look at those people and they're still going to like –

I mean, Tom is cranking it. Yeah, yeah. I'm coming everywhere. He literally went all around the world. Yes. And like, yeah, sure, arenas and stuff, but also some small-time things that like you guys are just – you got a sickness.

You're addicted. Yeah, we're sick people. But yeah, I think the older – like my boyfriend,ad daniel's also an amazing comic like we're both getting more to an age where you start to think like okay we actually enjoy like pickleball on a tuesday like we get excited about like what would retirement look like at some point so yeah i mean i'm i'm 35 it's different than even 28 29 like the travel does start to to be a lot but i've noticed that i'm 36 now and i like i like to travel a lot and i do i'm not

doing stand-up but like i go away for the weekend a lot yeah i started to notice i was like i don't think i can do weekends you do stand-up stop saying that bro you just stand up but i'm just stand up now no but i'm not talking about traveling. Oh, okay. Like going away to – like we were in L.A. I did not sleep well in L.A. When I go to Italy sometimes, I'm like, I'm fucking – I can't sleep. I'm tired. It's got to be a full week vacation now because I can't hammer it out.

Turn right back around. I mean we did L.A. for like 16 hours. It was crazy. It was like we were on the plane probably as long as we were there. And it was like, well, this was stupid. That's so brutal.

And the time zone changes. Yeah. That's the motherfucker. Yeah. TikTok has made us all way too aware of every health thing where now you're thinking about like circadian rhythm. Is my asshole getting enough sunlight? Oh my God.

Yes. Blue light. It's just, it's so much and you realize how poorly we in general i think treat our health oh man i saw yeah uh do you know who gavin mayo is i don't know who this guy is but he was on a podcast that i've just seen like several clips from uh from it it's got to be literally the dumbest fucking podcast that has ever in existence he was saying that water is is not good

for you yeah for the long and that humans used to live to 900 because it says so in the bible and if you look at if you look at obituaries in london in like the 15 16 17 hundreds there were people who lived to 200 but when he was every clip i see him like this guy's getting progressively fucking stupider and he said he was like, when you put things into water, it dissolves. So water is dissolving your body. It's a solvent and not hydrating your nose. It's like, oh. This makes me so sad that everybody has access to the internet.

Well, right. So my point being, I understand what you're saying, that you're my circadian rhythm and all that. But half that's probably bullshit. Because there are people like this fucking guy telling his people water is not good for your body oh my god like you never know you know yeah the circadian rhythm it's like you have to just try to do the best you can and everything in moderation wait are you saying we never know about water yeah i i can't i can't get on board with that stance we're like well we got some other people saying stuff so maybe it's all bullshit it that stance where you're like, well, we got some other people saying stuff, so maybe it's all bullshit. It's like –

When you're like, yeah, well, you never know. No, no, no. I'm saying that people will – you'll be like, oh, I learned this on the internet. And it's like, well, you listen to Gavin Mayo tell me that water is bad for you. So I'm saying that like even things that you think – I don't know. Circadian rhythm sounds like a good idea. You got to like get outside in the morning. But also that might not be a fucking thing at all because I don't know.

Like who – you know i think we have to trust andrew huberman's education a little bit more than yeah but you know what yeah that i agree but i learned the other day that like the whole ice ice uh bath like you know explosion was based on like one study where there was like 10 subjects okay and it was like, you know, this one person like, I don't know, healed a little bit better. And now there's like this whole industry that these people like tracked it all the way back to one study that really doesn't like hold any water.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. I actually saw that too. It was like, it was like one study of 18 people and like, it wasn't like four people. It wasn't clear that it actually had benefits.

It's like, it's like a dope sick when they trace all that back like have you seen the show dope sick on hulu on hulu very good check it out for kelsey special uh the it's about purdue pharma and all that stuff and like how they were and how the invention of oxycontin and the opioid crisis and all that shit and they trace back like how purd Purdue was saying that it's not addictive because they had a study where it didn't. That's how they marketed Oxycontin at first. Like it's the first non-addictive opioid. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's terrifying. And all that was based on it was it was it was it's crazy. It's fucking nuts. It was it was all based on a letter to the editor in the new england medical journal so like so they were citing doing the medical journal but then when the new england medical journal didn't even know about it and then when it was brought to their attention they're like they went and found it like that's a fucking letter to the editor and then they asked i just said like i did not get addicted oh no they asked the

doctor who wrote the letter and he's like they're saying that he's like no i was saying that like of the 100 pages i forget you know i don't want to say it because i don't remember exactly what it is yeah but the doctor was like no no no no no that's not what i was saying like that's not this study doesn't prove that It launched 500,000 deaths That wasn't until like 15 years or 10 years after Oxycontin had been invented Wait this is the study you're using? That's where it came from

Michael Keaton Caitlin Devers Who's the other guy with the eyebrows Oh Eugene Levy No no no The kid I brought the cake for Oh Oh, Eugene Levy? Yes. No, no, no, no. When you say they got the eyebrows, that's what I... The kid I brought the cake for.

Oh, Will Poulter? Will Poulter, yes. It's awesome. It's one of my favorite shows. It's a really great show. I was picturing Michael Keaton and Eugene Levy together. I was like, this feels like an unlikely casting, but you said eyebrows. Eugene Levy talking opioid crisis.

Yeah, I'm like, listen. But yeah, there's just so much information that i think 90 of it is is probably bullshit you know there's a lot out there hard to sift through we're gonna keep the water keeping you alive in the right category water oxygen you know those things i think you can get back so wait back to the special you do you own the rights to your special uh yes okay and so there it's almost like a licensing thing like they get to put it up for a year or whatever or is it in perpetuity or they did that with the hustler my special that came out two years ago where it started on youtube and then i think it was after maybe like a year or so then they licensed it and added it to hulu as well but it

kind of had its initial like big time on on youtube right so yeah this is new where it's like they both came out the same day on Hulu and YouTube and I don't know. Dude, to get 300,000 views when there's probably a big chunk of people watching it on a streaming platform.

Yeah. It's still pretty good. Thank you. It's been a good week. I'm like, you know, this is nice. That's awesome. Thank you.

What was like the tipping point in your career do you feel like? Do you have a set or a special or a viral video or something?

Was it just beating people's asses in football it never hurts uh probably the biggest one i think would be the hustler coming out because uh you know that's my first hour special and i had gotten a taurian agent a little before then and that was the first time where i went from shows being you know not very well sold like maybe half full or whatever to this special coming out and then all of a sudden shows were selling out and my following online got way bigger because we would just we posted like pretty much every clip of that special online yeah because that's one of the you should i know that's one of the upsides of youtube i'm an internet guy so i've always said this i get comedians i want to burn material and all that but it's like you're gonna reach a lot more people yes it's crazy i mean some of the streamers i think

put a limit on how much of the special you can post as interesting so it is an upside of youtube is like you can turn a 60 minuteminute special into 60-minute long clips. Yeah. And if even 10 of those go into the algorithm, you're getting millions. Honestly, I mean, if you get the right one, it can be – you know what I mean? Yeah. Some of those clips from The Hustler on Facebook – and this is, again, like when Facebook hadn't been fully oversaturated yet,

but it was getting like 20 million views on some of those clips because it just wasn't quite flooded yet. Even if you were to sell out like a big theater, you're talking about like a couple thousand people versus 20 million. It's nuts, yeah. It's crazy.

So that was a big turning point. And then even this year, like I'm doing the Wilbur Theater in Boston tomorrow. That's like a really big change for me to start to get to do some theaters so it's all you know it's kind of like ebbs and flows but yeah and so you're living in minnesota now you've been to gay 90s yet no but i i just was talking with a friend about it who's from the original and she's like oh my god we have to go there it's apparently legendary it It's awesome.

We went and no one was there that night. Right. You hyped it up? No, I had gone. I was like the party of the century. And then we went and there was nobody there. The night I was there, I think it was every other Friday because we went, we did shows in Minnesota

and then we did the after party at Gay Night. We told everyone, come to Gay Night. This is going to be epic. And it was just the comedy club in a gay club. They were like, what the fuck is this? We're like, I don't know, man. It almost made it like, it wasn't going to be an awesome party.

There was literally no gay men there. It was just our crowd that we brought there. But the night I'd gone was. Staff was like, what the fuck is this? Barstool takes over Gay Night. It's what a funny. there but the night I'd gone was fucking kink night or something like that and it was like every night's kick night at the gay 90s everyone was in what's the text latex and like people I think like riding faces't know. It's not part of my poor-up church, but I don't know.

Like, riding faces. There was one with a guy, you know, like the, I don't know if it was Game of Thrones, but what Reek gets tied to? I forget what they're called. The big X? Someone was tied up on that? Jesus!

Just getting his dick whipped. Are we talking like full-blown dick out? No, no, no. He was naked are we talking like full-blown full-blown no no he was in like he was naked except for like a speedo type deal and then oh my god and he was just getting whacked in the dick bro i'm pretty open but jesus this is so it was so funny too like like there were a lot of like uh no one was attractive first of all and then there were a lot of bigger, Midwestern-looking people. Sure. And the woman would be latexed out and this tight stuff, and a guy would just be in a Minnesota Wild t-shirt.

Oh, my God. Full hockey jersey, dipping. Oh, my God. It was so hilarious. There were five to seven couples like that where it was like, I can't tell who does not want to be here right now. It was like, babe, I really wish you had a different kink than this. Oh, my God.

That's so funny to picture. When we first moved, Chad and I, to Minnesota, we lived not- Wait, he's not from Minnesota? Oh, I'm sorry. Minneapolis. He's from Minnesota. He wasn't living in- I was like, did you motherfuckers pick Minnesota together? That would be so wild to randomly both pick there. No, he is sorry. Minneapolis. He's from Minnesota. He wasn't living in. Did you motherfuckers pick Minnesota together?

That would be so wild to randomly both pick there. No, he is from there originally, but he wasn't living in Minneapolis. So when we first both moved to Minneapolis, we were living not far from K-90s. And again, I've never been. But that's so funny to picture that. I was probably like walking my dog by Whole Foods and there was a guy getting his dick with the buddy I went with fucking left right away like he would like we could it seemed like a separate room like you can't right yeah you walk through like the like curtains

and I walked through the curtains I took five steps in I turned around and his head was already the back of his head. I saw him walking out the curtains. Oh, my God. I'll stick around. I'll stick around a little bit. God, the couple dynamic in there. That is so funny that there would be a guy who's just begrudgingly there. Yeah, like other guys get dragged to just a nice Valentine's dinner or something,

and I get dragged to the kink club. Yeah, like it's Funko night, and they're like, this is my nipple clamp night. You said you'd come. It was weird. dragged to the kink club. Yeah, like, it's Funko night. And they're like, this is my nipple clamp night. Why? You said you'd come. It was. What a weird thing. Well, you forget, though.

It's like, you know, you would like to imagine that you go to, like, a sex club or a swingers night and everyone's hot and pretty. Sure. And it's like, that's not most of the world. You know, you're going to see a lot of ugly people, a lot of big people, a lot of, you know, it's not. A lot of cargo shorts. More cargo shorts at the orgy than I expected for sure. Oh, my God.

Hysterical. Cargo shorts at an orgy is great. Oh, Minnesota. I don't know if I want to go. This seems so sad in a way. No, it's awesome. It's awesome. Even when I was there and it was empty,

I still see the potential. They had cages. People just danced in cages. People were like... It wasn't outright fucking, but people were pretty damn close. I think people were coming. They weren't fucking, but coming was happening. One way or another. They were getting there. God damn.

Alright, well. Fine. Fine, I'll go. The special is so funny and is it's great i don't want to give away your stuff but first of all i'm very sorry to hear about your mother oh thank you so much second of all the hall of fame and foosball is so funny thank you i appreciate it it is such a funny thing where you're like someone has dementia and they're going around telling people they're in the Foosball Hall of Fame. You're like, well, they're experiencing an episode right now. Nobody believes her. Anytime she says it.

For background, for listeners, my mom unfortunately has this really like progressive rare type of dementia that hits people a lot younger than Alzheimer's does. And she is also in the Foosball Hall of Fame. She's like a pro foosball player. And so, yeah, anytime she gets a new nurse in the home and they ask her about her life, she's always like, I'm in the Foosball Hall of Fame. And they're always like, sure you are. And we just we cannot get people there to believe her because I mean, why would they? That's the most made up.

It's the ultimate like two truths and a lie little. Oh, lie little story that, you know, no one's going to believe. Such a good way to put it. It's so weird how much foosball is like just a part of your whole family's life. I literally wouldn't exist if it weren't for how my parents met. It's a real sad. I find foosball to be the hardest thing in the world. Like I cannot do it. It makes a lot of people really angry because there's, like, the bar version where people don't even know that there is a right way to play. Where people are just spinning the rods insanely.

But once you know that there are actual rules and a way to play and then you try to do that, it's so hard that I think dudes especially are like, what the fuck? What can I do? But, like, you know, you can just hop on an air hockey table and fuck around or grab a pool cue and shoot a little bit of pool. To me, I'm just like, I can't do anything on a foosball table. It makes people feel deeply uncoordinated.

Yes. If you play someone like yourself where it's just like pass, shoot, boom and you're just like, wait, what the fuck? I'm used to trying to get it when your feet just can't really reach. You're just like, blah, blah, blah. It'm used to trying to get it when your feet just can't really reach. Yes. And you're just like, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's an enraging sport.

But it does feel really good once you get good at it. Because it is, I think, more challenging than, like you said, air hockey, stuff like that. Has Chad gotten better or worse? He has gotten better. This fits in so well with us being like, oh, it'd be fun to retire someday with our pickleball. We in our house, when it's like minus 18 and you don't want to go anywhere we have a foosball table a ping pong table darts and then like random other bar games we'll just like do a little mini olympics with each other yeah play against each other and all of them and so he's definitely gotten better

at foosball it still is the one thing i can beat him up that's that's what i was thinking of like when i'm in a relationship i'm i'm pretty i'm pretty good i'm i'm a pretty modern man i'm okay not being a man at certain things and being the best things at bar games if you lose to the chicken bar games you are a loser even like like like things like things like I've been to fucking like arcades and shit like skeeball

I'm supposed to win at skeeball right yeah yeah yeah there's a carnival game sort of caveman thing

yeah like I'm supposed to win you the teddy bear I win you the teddy bear you don't win me the teddy yeah there's something about a woman handing the man

the teddy bear if a chick steps up and can like knock over the milk cans with like a like a ball can't like Jesus Christ.

Someone's wearing a strap on. That's not going to be a typical night. Yeah, that's a change in power. That's where you get your dick whipped at. Yes. Yeah. Chad has kids, right? Chad has two kids, yes.

And they're a little bit older? Yeah, his daughter just turned 21. His son is 25. So you're not really, like, doing stepmom type shit. You're just like... No. It's a weird age spread. Because they're not, like, young.

And Chad had them young. Right. And then I'm kind of in the middle. Yeah. He must have had them when he was, like... He had them super, like, 22. Yeah. Like, very, very young.

Because he's not that old. Mm-mm. But, yeah. I mean, I mentioned in the special how that's been kind of a weird part of this like stepmom dynamic is that you would think oh that that would be cool to have a stepmom figure who's like a comedian and you know has like a following on tiktok because that's what gen z thinks is cool right but like unfortunately for her a lot of the jokes i post are about i don't

want to hear that shit for dad you know it's like the one that went super viral from the hustler is about him having a vasectomy and me trying to figure out what that's going to be like and it's like whatever i said like is it clear like the white gatorade flavor or whatever and like i did my dad's comment oh yeah yeah like does it taste better when there aren't kids in it? So she had followed me on Instagram, but I forgot she followed me. So I'm like posting those clips to promote. And she had texted each other and I being like, just so you know, I definitely unfollowed your girlfriend today.

I'm like, well, God damn it. Christmas is going to be so weird. Have you got a follow back yet? No. No. Chip sales. christmas is gonna be so weird you got the follow back yet no no i think if you put yourself in her position like if i saw my stepmom even make out with my dad i'd be like cut her tongue out yeah like handmaid's tale or like get her out of here you never want to see your parents

in a sort of sexual light at all if she was like oh this is great i'd be like maybe let's get like a therapy session going because you shouldn't be i even feel like into this step parents is not as much of a thing as it once was like what do you mean calling somebody oh yeah i feel like kids will just be like that's so and so and they're my mom's husband or my dad's girlfriend or whatever rather than be like that's my stepmom and you can yeah you can still have a good relationship with them but just i think it's weird. It feels weirder now than it did like back then. I don't know if it's because of movies and like evil stepmother type things, you know,

but to me that almost has a bad connotation. I feel like people don't really even like use it as much as they did in the past. I totally agree. I would understand if his kids never called me their stepmom if they always called me like. Yeah, just call me by your name. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a weird thing. And like coming into their life so much later too where it's like they don't need a stepmom like they have a great relationship with their mom right i feel like i'm just this bonus figure who like buys her lip gloss at christmas you know what i mean it's like well that's what i mean that's like if you play like that like it's it's an extra bonus for these kids yeah it's just i don't know it's like extra bonus for these kids. Yeah. It's just, I don't know. It's like you don't really, you're never going to like, well, they're older, but it's like in other cases, like they're not really going to discipline them. It's kind of like having like the fun aunt or uncle around.

Yeah. It's like you can come to me, I'll buy a beer or whatever. I don't know. Like that kind of shit. I think his son thinks I'm like, what I do is cool. And it's like, oh, that's cool. That's my dad's. But I think sons, it different it's they're not

quite as territorial of a dad as the daughter is yeah so yeah i knew that she was never going to be stoked about me posting jokes about blowing her dad why would she be that's like a really weird thing so you're saying that the the uh chad's son thinks that like it's cool it reminds me of a clip i saw seinfeld recently talking about the 70s i think he's talking about new york specifically but kind of just the world where he's talking about how then he's like money he's like i don't know he signed it's funny to hear seinfeld explaining this but he was talking about he didn't know when money became important. It's funny from a billionaire.

For real, yeah. But he's like, coming up in the 70s, it was like, was your job cooler? Then you won. He's like, money didn't really come up. It was just like, you have a cooler job. You're doing cooler than me. You're doing better than me. And I was like, huh, that's a weird thing. Yeah, I mean, we so were not in that time.

No. I feel like it's always been about that pressure, especially from parents of like, are you going to make enough money? Are you going to be able to take care of yourself? And the spoiler alert, no. Spoiler alert, hey, guys, no. No one can make enough money. There is not enough money.

Everyone has four jobs. None of them make any money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I first told my parents i was going to become a comedian they weren't like oh my god that's so cool good cool job like what the fuck are you doing it's fine now but yeah you let me be a creative writing major where did you think this was gonna go where were you on that one dude yeah you're professional football players what the fuck did you think was gonna happen i'm gonna be a dental hygienist like of course i'm gonna be a clown

professional football players they don't get to turn around and play the card i'm like why don't you have a real job yeah and my dad i think he was like that initially because he wanted better for like wanted me to have a more secure job i was going to be a high school math teacher and so he was like stoked about he's like great that's a job that's always in demand like love that was that your jam math you're good at math yeah i uh that was like what i was majoring in in college until i switched but i got to like calc three and just was like this was yeah i'm like this cannot be my life's work this is yeah i remember doing i think in high school there was what there was like a b calculus and bc calculus or something like that oh i'm talking about maybe it's different

yeah but it was like there's like hard calculus and then there's like really hard yeah and i remember tapping out i was like i can't this is unless you're gonna become like a goddamn engineer architect nasa major this it starts to get a little bit like i don't think we need to know this i took pre-calculus senior year that's the last math class i ever took yeah i mean even once you start getting into that differential equation shit it's like what are we doing here and like you said i get when it's somebody who's going to become you know a structural engineer or whatever i'm like okay you will actually apply that i wanted to teach like algebra 2 in high school i was like let me i don't want to know all the rest of this shit this is way too hard but uh yeah obviously i

like dude i 180 i can't do my kids homework. I mean, I know this is a little bit like hacky because it's been done before. But like the new math that they do. I'm like just and my kids are young. We're talking addition, subtraction, like normal shit. I'm like, just put the numbers on top of each other and fucking subtract them or carry the one. Like and you're done. They're drawing these like dots and circling them. And like'm like this cannot be easier that's so crazy it is i get like where they're trying to go and it's

like i guess you can apply it to like larger numbers but i'm like bro i promise you it's easier to just like remember what four times three is like just fucking memorize it are we done with times tables kind of kind of they're really like not just told to memorize them they're like you you do you break this out and do that and then add them together and it's like that was five extra steps dude that feels so wrong and i can't i also can't like i can't help them i don't know the the the terms they use i'm like i don't know what that means i can't do your homework for you. I'm sorry. Once you get it, though, I saw it the other day, and maybe

this kid's just a genius, obviously. Well, not maybe. He obviously is. It was a kid setting the new Guinness Book of World Records for adding up the most four-digit numbers in 60 seconds. It's one of the craziest things I've ever seen. And he's doing new math to do it. I also feel like that guy's probably like a savant.

For sure. He set the Guinness Book of World Records doing like like it would be a nanosecond of like 4 112 and the nanosecond of 8 000 blah blah blah and then a nanosecond of and then it was a full minute of that and then he just put in the answer at the end for like oh yeah that's crazy what all of that added up means that's great it was it was those people are basically they're like x-men they're like mutants like they're more of all it's like my god that dude he took a helicopter ride and he just looked at manhattan and then drew the whole thing from memory really that's right i saw i was like this is some people are really bill different there's that german game show. You ever see that on Instagram? No.

There's this German game show that I follow. I think it's basically all just autistic kids on this show. But they'll like – it's like a – it's like this circle that just has like a bunch of like random dots, right? And then there's like a little sliver that you can see that just kind of goes around like a clock. And she can like pick out which dot is like different. like so and she just just goes around she'll stop and it's there like every time it's like i don't even i can't even figure out what you're what this is we'll get it right you know oh my god yeah those brains are just do you guys ever play darts where you play like 301 or 501 where you're hitting points and then subtracting from that? Is that what I'm talking about?

I could barely follow those instructions. Dude, I break out in such a flop sweat trying to just do subtraction. Like fast subtraction, I would die. It's a good thing I didn't become a high school math teacher. I played darts baseball, and I don't even know that's a real thing or something just like me and my dad invented. Single, double, triple, that kind of shit.

I used to just think, you're trying to hit the middle right like it's a bullseye learning that there was like a actual scoring tool was hard enough for me we're subtracting and all that shit yeah there

I don't know if there's a location here have you guys heard of a flight club yeah okay no sorry this is a like a dart chain okay I know I know what you're talking about too

it's like top golf but for darts yeah it's like spin for fucking fun table tennis i think there might be yeah yeah i think there might be one in new york chad and i uh played in london for the first time at the end of last year and then looked in their locations us if you see one do it it's yeah greatest time really it's so much fun yeah yeah it's great they're doing that with basketball too they're making top golf for basketball oh i don't know quite how that really works if it's like yeah you're just playing like are you playing with

other people are you playing with like just but i think it's just like court after court after court the way it's like yeah i haven't seen it but like i see it as like those little stalls of just like half court yeah okay and then you get to play half court. I would love that. Yeah. We need a foosball one. Yeah. That's next. Take over my life. That will get my retirement going.

That's what I mean. Do you think, I mean, is there enough of a market? Like if there is any sort of business of foosball, you should probably be the person to do it, no? Well, there are so many more people who are way more involved in foosball now. Yeah, but how many people have a platform or like a following like you do? That's like the one.

So I feel like that's what, you know. That is the one difference I have is like no foosball players are also touring comedy. No foosball players get 300,000 views a fucking week. Right. But yeah, those people, so many of them put the time into foosball that I have into comedy where they're so good. But I wish it was like a more well-known world, but I feel like it's kind of still this niche thing a little bit.

There's like tournaments around the country. You should do it. Turn it, you know, open up the world. It would be like the next pickleball. Evan Williams is game day's number one poor, and you'll find them cheering with fans in every corner, whether you're talking about football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, rugby, golf, whatever. Evan Williams is there.

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That'd be great. You see, I'm wearing a pickleball necklace. This is where my life is at. No way. So you're really drinking the Kool-Aid. I fully embraced getting on there. I was someone who saw the popularity of it and was like, I'm going to hate that.

Fuck pickleball. It's so dumb. And I played one time, and I was like, this is the greatest game it's the great my theory is like the game is is perfect like that like everybody can do it you can be really good at it but also just be average and kind of but i really think the name is really important too i think pickleball is a big part of why it got popular really why i don't know i just think it's like a catchy name and i think people yeah it was like part of the there's something about it when you hear it you're like that's dumb but what is it what is pickleball but tell me more yeah you find out it's like it's you know you can do it even if you're like not athletic it's like oh

okay i'm in do we know where that name comes from so i i played pickleball in high school like well before this thing okay okay right and we were told and i don't think it's necessarily i don't think it's like fully true but i do think there's an element that it was big in prison it was like a it was like a prison game i don't know if it was invented there but it was like prisons played it and there was we had we did written tests on pickleball in my high school our gym teachers were so obsessed with it we had like a written test on it whoa but i i don't remember pickle boat rowing let's see okay which refers to a boat made up of left i have no idea why that interesting i know it started in washington state where i'm from i don't know if

this is right that doesn't make any sense that feels like google's ai is wrong 90 of the time it really is uh i can't believe it started potentially in prison because of what like how it looks now i know it's like bougie and like country clubby old people like so midway it's like these women named nancy just like yeah making their entire life pickle is a none of these seem like it's yeah weird yeah but so we were playing we had like rankings in high school of like our top players and like the the two gym teachers uh mr plunkett and mr finnegan they were fucking awesome and they used to be like watch this kids and they would just play each other it's like this job is awesome by the way yeah yeah it was a fun way

for inmates to socialize and build community. It was a big prison game. They were just showing a version of it on ESPN where it was like Andre Agassi

playing, what's the other big country player's name? Like, massive tennis stars playing pickleball and it's so cool

to see those people play because they just fucking rip it. That's very cool. see those people play because they just fucking rip it that's very cool i saw a video of agassi the other day he he uh i think it was um it's named becker there's a big tennis player named becker right no one doesn't ring a bell but i don't it was like agassi and the other guy and sampras was the other guy yeah no but i'm saying it was it wasn't him it was like bjorn Borg or Becker, one of those guys. And he picked up on like the littlest – he was like when he moved his hand this way, he was serving to the left.

And when he moved his hand that way, he was serving to the right. And he was the only one who knew about it. And he waited – I think it was Borg's background. And he waited until he retired to tell him about it. And he said – he was like, I used to go home to my wife and be like, it's like he's in my fucking head. Like, he's the only guy I can't, like, beat. And it was just, it was something so subtle. I can't remember what the tick was, but it was like, it was something that you would not think would impact your serve, like, at all in any way.

And you somehow picked up on it. Those are brains that operate in a different way. You're across the court, like, just noticing, like, the way he scratches his nose or some shit you know it's that's a funny thing with sports where like i think because athletes are so incredibly you know fit and all that stuff and like so all these better things than us that we have to assume they're dumb just because like oh yeah like it's just like they're dumb they must be like we have to be better than them at something right no they're also better at you at everything geniuses like yes maybe maybe not at math maybe not but like they're fucking geniuses at what they're doing right it's crazy i uh i was not a big football fan until i moved to minnesota and chad's been like lifelong vikings fan so i got more on board and then they had the quarterback series come out on netflix and that i really i

had been so ignorant before then about everything that goes into being an nfl quarterback i'm like jesus this is a lot quarterback's nuts quarterback is is crazy i feel like yeah you know if you if you put the commitment of being a quarterback into like almost any other field you would be super successful in that too there was a clip the other day um excuse me like two weeks ago of brady on colin coward show we talk about the cheese no he's about he's just about like him and it was it was so sick where he was just like i wasn't the fastest i wasn't the whatever he's like but i did not snap the ball unless i knew where everyone on the other team was going he's like he's like he's like i wouldn't wouldn't snap the ball like if i where everyone on the other team was going. He's like, I wouldn't snap the ball.

If they were in a formation I didn't understand, I'd call timeout. I did not. But I knew every formation. That's crazy. I knew everything. I knew where my guys would be because that's the benefit of knowing plays. I knew where their guys would be because I knew what they were doing. And if my guys weren't going to be open, I'd just call timeout.

And then he's like, that was my superpower. Timeout. I knew what they were doing. It's pretty easy. It's a much easier game when you know where everyone's going to be at all times.

It's like, how do you keep track of that? 11 guys, 22 guys running all over the place. You're like, I know where all of them will be. And you have other guys, you know,

coordinators on the other side whose entire job is to figure out how to trick you. Yes. And they're not good enough at it. But yeah, I mean, it's true. Are you like full full-blown viking school aid now yeah skull nation yeah yeah i mean being from washington i was a seahawks fan before but not again i didn't like

watch consistently enough or even know enough about football to be super invested but i mean it was a really exciting year especially it was a good year, but you are signing up for one of the worst sports cities in the world. They're the one, like, all my teams in New York suck. And so I'm pretty miserable. And I'm always like, I think I have it the worst. And then Minnesota always chimes in like, we'd like a word. And I'm always like, yeah, you're right. You're right.

Hold my beer. Yeah, I've been told that this is a very heartbreaking city to move to for sports. But I had never been to a hockey game before moving, and so that's a really fun thing. Wild. They're better this year than they should be. Yeah. Because the Minnesota hockey is going to be good at one thing.

The hockey state, yeah. Timberwolves are fun. Timberwolves. The Wild are like, I think that they're Going through a thing Right now Where they're like What's one of those

Like wait Are we good Like we're not Supposed to be good But why do we Keep winning Right This was not

In our plans this season To be a good team What the fuck Like do we have to Bide the deadline now Like they're They're kind of A weird thing

They had That time I went To Gay 90s Was we had like A charity event With the wild okay and to this day it's still one of the most disrespectful things ever said to me the uh matt boldy who plays for the wild yeah and actually plays for team usa he'll be playing tomorrow tonight uh but he's i don't know if you know but he's like 21 22 21, 22. He's crazy young, but he's like a stud. He's already gotten his big contract, all this stuff.

And he invited me and one of the guys who work here out. He's like, oh, come to the bar with us tonight. It'll be a good time. And we're like, yeah, we'll come. He's like, it'll be mostly guys my age, but you guys will have fun too. And I was like, oh, I didn't realize that. Especially old enough for that. We were one of those.

Oh, my God. I saw they declared 30. I don't know who they is, whatever, science or some shit. They declared 35 is now called mid-adulthood. I'll take that. That's fine. That actually made me feel better. I mean, I blew past that now.

But mid-life crisis, I'm too young for that. But mid-adulthood is kind of where you're at. Yeah, that feels right like midlife you know midlife crisis and i'm too young for that but like mid-adulthood yeah yeah that feels right yeah you call me mid-adult yeah i'm fine being a mid-adult for sure yeah it sounds like i'm not even supposed to be there yet he's not even a fully an adult he's a mid-adult all right yeah i'll take that oh my god i'm 40 in like a couple weeks and it is wrecking me oh Oh my God. I've never cared about an age ever. And I'm like, 40 is almost 60 and 60 is almost dead. That's what's going through my brain at all times now. 40 is a pronounced.

40 with two kids is 60. How old are your kids? Seven and nine. Okay. This, I mean, it's all normal and reasonable. You know what I think the problem is, is you live here and it's just like, they're just 20 year olds everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm sure if I lived more in like a, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb,

a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, a suburb, But then moving to Minnesota, I feel like makes you feel like I kind of the opposite. Like, I love being around New York because I feel I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm not hanging out in young bars.

I'm seeing young things and I'm like, yeah, I'm connected to it. It's like being the one eyed man in the land of the blind. Yeah. If you move to Minnesota. It's not even Minnesota specifically, but like just any suburb. You're like, oh, you're 32, but you've accepted that you're. Yes. You've leaned in.

The difference in – I would say it happens in your 30s, all throughout your 30s around here. You can be 30-something and still be like single, frat boy, party girl, have not changed like an ounce since you were 25. And it's – nobody thinks you're weird. It's like, I don't know. Yeah, it's very acceptable here. Maybe you should have settled down a little bit by now, but you're not like the freak, you know? Or you can be like cargo shorts, tucked in polo shirt, completely bald, fat, driving a minivan. Wait, you're 26?

Yeah. How the fuck did that happen? Right. You go two different directions at that age where it's like, we're the same? Wait, what? No way. Yeah. where it's like we're the same wait what yeah i mean i have definitely in the last few years hit that spurt of like aged faster i think but i think if you're in comedy you can have a little

bit of that like peter pan syndrome where you are living this younger lifestyle to just be traveling all the time and be in entertainment but yeah i mean living in minnesota and also you know chad's older than me so when we hang out with his friends they are his age right they also have adult children it's like you do just slowly start to feel a little older yeah but you're just worrying about weirder things and different things you're like yeah we just got life insurance together right like actively thinking about death what's going on p the PTA meeting I think there's also kill me now

there's also something to I know I'm not complaining about it but the pandemic and everything 2019 was like 6 years ago that's a fucking long time and it felt like for a while we just didn't age we were kind of living in this vacuum

and not like as a society like we just didn't age or we like we were kind of living in this vacuum of like still and not not like like as a society you know people weren't going to work so like they weren't really it was like time passing wasn't registering and i mean like i don't mean like the the three month didn't leave the house i mean like yeah people were working for a long time yeah like yeah and i think we all just kind of like locked into that. And then they came up for air and like, wait, it's been six. I've aged six years. Isn't that crazy? It's a better part of a decade. Have you seen the shift in drinking?

This latest generation is it's down like 75%. It's like every generation, like the bar graph kind of goes up. And then it's like, generation like the bar graph kind of goes up and then it's like really not drinking at all okay this is so this is like flipped just at least in my little world so chad's daughter just turned 21 i feel like when i hear about that group of people in her life it's like very much drinking and partying still happening and then chad and i we both have not had alcohol for 10 months so we both are just like watching her have her time and we just both retired it's like a weird thing i didn't know that most young people are not yeah i don't know surprise me with like the legalization of weed and stuff like yeah i guess so yeah people are they um bartenders like hate that generation

they're like they all they don't know how to tip first of all i didn't realize this they will close out every time they order a drink they don't like leave their card open so they'll be like two beers close out sign it like and they just keep going back and forth the whole time they don't run up i get i get like genuinely upset when they give it back oh no you fucking keep it yeah well it looks like a guy who's going to be here for 10 minutes. Hang on to that fucking card. We're going to know each other real well by the end of this. A hockey player just told me

I'm a thousand. Please keep my card. I will be here all fucking night. They do that and they don't, they will sit at a bar, sit physically at the bar, take up space, order one beer, sit there for an hour and then not tip and they fucking hate them they're like i've seen a couple videos of bartenders being like they're not even

humans like they don't know how to talk they don't know how to joke they don't they don't look me in the eyes they don't speak to me they don't tip me it's like dude when i when i was drinking drinking i took it as a personal responsibility to like pay for that bartender's rent yeah like oh my god not only in my tipping like i i was a good tipper but like in my drinking where i was like well i gotta get about 10 beers if this guy wants dinner tonight oh my gosh that's very nice of you and also like real bad for your health oh my god i used to be like this bar's empty it's a tuesday afternoon i'm gonna i. It's me. I got to keep him alive.

I got to sustain this guy's life. How is this guy going to feed his cat if I don't get this fucking whiskey? Oh, my God. No, I was like – when I was drinking a lot, it was like an act of philanthropy. I was like, no one is fucking paying this guy. I'll sit down with you, bud. Dude, there was this bartender, Felipe. He was at this bar uptown on the Upper East Side.

And like he loved us of course because we gave him he and he would give us like really cheap drinks but he was definitely coming out i was still spending more money with the amount i would tip him yeah just charge me regular price and don't make me feel beholding to you you know and we used to we would follow him on social media and we would see like his son got new turntables and they're all wearing jordans and like a new house and i was like i think we're tipping too much yeah i'm subsidizing this guy's life and all because i would love the feeling of like when you walk in like he would be like get up get up move move move like here here you go sir and i was like yeah that's worth it yeah like i gotta like the bartender knows me yeah i'm like cheers man do you think the younger generation isn't drinking because of the same stuff we were

talking about earlier with like the health stuff on tiktok and just that it's more i feel like more information has been coming out lately about alcohol and like its actual effects on you turns out it's bad to poison your body it's like so weird yeah i mean that was that was another thing i was too dumb to get i didn't get it what i didn't get it was bad for you drinking yeah like i i would be like i'd be like well yeah and poisoning it right now but then i'm gonna pee but i'm done it'll be gone like it's gone to be fair there's our generation had no education on this. There was no like – But you know what? I also feel like I would rather find out that my kids are like sneaking around, drinking beer and like doing some shots than like doing ketamine. Oh, yeah. For sure.

I feel like everything I see on TikTok is like, oh, it's great for like – it's antidepressant and it's like opening your mind. And it's like I feel like steady doing ketamine is not a good idea. Call me old-fashioned. I don't have it. If you're listening to this, ketamine does rock. Kids, ketamine's great. If you're on the fence, it's fucking sick. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it'll be weird. By the time my kids are even thinking about even sneaking around to underage drink, I feel like it'll be really i mean by the time my kids are even like you know thinking about even sneaking around to underage drink i feel like it'll be like really gone like i don't know yeah i was that or maybe i don't know maybe the opposite maybe it has like a resurgence i don't know but my theory on it is just like you do whatever the opposite yeah your parents drank you're lame yeah yeah our parents parents like they they were all alcoholics, but it was labeled. And then it was labeled when our parents. Oh, the label of alcoholic team? Okay.

Because I was going to say, every other generation, there was really no. Because usually it is like, you don't want to be like your parents, but drinking held steady. It was like, I don't want to be like my parents, but let's fucking booze. But that is interesting if they started to label it in a negative way or frown upon it. It's like, I don't want to do that. Yeah, it was a pro. It was like, yeah, everyone's drinking every night. That's what you do.

Yeah, we're really not that far removed from all that shit. Like smoking and drinking when you're pregnant or not knowing the effects of it. It's actually like... We're not far removed from anything. Almost what we were talking about with Tommy. We're like, like, uh,

we had a guest on recently. He was a political, um, analyst, I suppose we'll call him, uh, Tommy Veeder, who does pod save America.

And we were talking about how like America needs a state TV where it's just like some guy who ever, it's like everyone loves comes on every night and it's just propaganda. Just lists like some awesome shit that's happened. And he's like, look, it's not that bad bad out there like there's some fucking good shit going on and I was thinking about that the other night actually because I was like if you look back like a generation

and it's like everything we're mad about it was way worse like we're doing better you know what I mean like right now they said the airlines are like safer than ever like plane crashes are going down. Yeah.

But it's just being reported on like crazy right now because it gets you clicks and follows and views. So it's all like information bias. Because right now I would be like, if you get on a plane, you're dying. Like you're going to die. According to the news. Yeah. And it's like and even I started I was thinking like, it's probably just you know Twitter and social media but I was like man another one another one like maybe something is going on and they're like no

it is safer than ever but I don't know maybe that stat's wrong I don't know it's like it's crazy I forgot I was watching some TV show I was watching Modern Family and like Cam and uh Mitchell can't get married. Wow. Because gay marriage isn't legal in California. God. And I was like, that show happened fucking six months ago, it feels like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And gay marriage wasn't legal in California? The title's Modern Family. It's supposed to be modern. It's supposed to be of this time. But there's the part of it where you're surprised that so recently we were so bad. I feel like as a people, we don't give ourselves credit. Like, hey, that's pretty good of us. We made some pretty good progress. That's a pretty good fucking step.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Some departments are going forward. We're losing this battle, but we fucking won a pretty big one recently. We just lost the congestion battle, though. Congestion pricing in New York was the most important thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life. Wait, what is it? A pretty big one recently. We just lost the congestion battle, though. Congestion pricing in New York was the most important thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life. Wait, what is it?

They started charging more for people to drive into Manhattan, and it just wiped out traffic. Really? Overnight. It was like they said there were 200,000 less cars like a week on the road. That's a huge difference. And I'm happy to pay the extra money, so I'm still driving in, and it radically changed my life. Oh my God. And then fucking Donald Trump has to swoop in

and be the hero for a bunch of these people. Why is the president even worried about the tolls in a city? Go to, you got bigger fish to fry. But he also didn't do anything. Yeah, well, is it happening or not? No, I mean, you can't just tweet and change the laws. Like things have to, like... I declare bankruptcy!

There will be court processes. It's like a Michael Scott. It's like, you can't just say it, man. I think people don't get that about him. Like, just because he tweeted it doesn't mean anything happened. Yeah, right. Like, we voted on it. We did it.

It's our city. We like it. Yeah. Like, I feel like for New Yorkers, it's actually one of the rare things I've seen that, like, I don't have a strong opinion on it because I don't really drive but like everyone's everyone was making a good point for like he doesn't drive but he's like uh just even walking around the city and there's like people driving like assholes and i and and like uh there's he was saying like we need more like space like instead of parking spots we could have more like garbage disposal all the time that it's

like oh i think about it from a traffic point of view but even if you're not driving there's probably benefits it does seem like everybody here but i don't know there's also a bunch of people a bunch of poor people complaining about extra money i don't know but do you guys feel like the stats and the news about the violence on the subway do you feel like that is also like how you feel about the plane stuff it's like oh this is just getting more attention or do you feel like there's actually been a significant uptick in that because i like i'm traveling here for the week and i was like i don't want to ride the subway so much crazy shit i i i think it's always been a pretty violent place to be honest see i completely disagree i take the subway every day well no i meant like i just meant like it's been steady

like like whatever like there's always been crime. There's been stories of people getting pushed in front of the tracks and crazy shit. But when you see someone get set on fire, it's a big deal. It's all such bullshit. I don't know. I love New York, so I always feel like people want to make it seem like a shithole. And so big stories get worse. I don't know.

I've never had it. I get it's different. I think it's a little bit different for guys, too, though. That's what I was just going to say. i get it's different that i think it's a little bit different for guys too though that's what i was just gonna say yeah i get it's different that i'm a man and all that stuff yeah but like i've never for a second i'm not going to the outer boroughs or like the dangerous areas i've never for a second felt i think if it's like late night yeah empty train even that was a part of what kelly was tweeting this that with congestion pricing people more people were on the subways, which almost made it more safe because it wasn't just like you alone in a car with one dude like where it's like, this is weird. Interesting.

It's also like I read an article in the New York Times where it's like all that uptick took place at five subway stations, either in Harlem or inlyn between the hours of two and six a.m like so it's like shit happens at those hours in all places all the time it's like again i i i don't want to tell you it's the safest place in the world no no i get like it's i think it's it's drastically overstated i'd ride the subway twice a day at least yeah i've never it's it's always you know you just put your head down and just get on and off like don't you know yeah that's you'll be fine but well thanks i i think that the the that fire thing was that scared people a lot yeah but that was it that was like 5 a.m from two homeless people in brooklyn right yeah it's horrible and yeah when you're on your commute at like, you know, six, six,

six at night, like you're fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's, it's still a little bit different than Minnesota, but it's like really softened me out there.

I'm like, I, cause again, I lived in LA for six years. And during that time I used to come to New York like once a month for a long time when I was opening for Jim Norton, I was here often. And yeah, I don't know. Now it's like you live in the suburbs and you buy a house and you're like

I'm afraid you're in the big city you're like I know you're fine you get in your little cozy cocoon so are you you think you're you're Minnesota for life now yeah yeah I mean it's like once you buy a house there we talk about maybe it would be nice if we could afford like a place to go in the winter. Yeah. That was, I don't know, Arizona or something like that. Help with the tax break because Minnesota is so expensive. But I don't know. I don't know.

It's maybe in 20 years we'd live somewhere else. But he's definitely like Chad's a diehard Minnesotan through and through. So it makes sense for touring, which is weird. You would never think that that's like that you should through and through. So it makes sense for touring, which is weird. You would never think that that's like that you should live in. Yeah. It's very central. All of the flights are nonstop,

essentially very minimal time zone change. And that airport is incredible. Like I've said before, I never thought I would be like horny for an airport. I fucking love the Minneapolis airport so much because as a comic the airport kind of becomes your work office right it's like where you are on a weekly basis and so many airports are the most depressing disgusting places in the country and minneapolis is like beautiful the bathrooms are big you can like poop at the airport and not feel like a fucking bridge troll you just feel like a human who had a smoothie

and it's like everything's great i just love it it's such a great place well that's great i'm happy to hear you're doing good thank you thanks for having me the special is out um you can get it on youtube on uh hulu or your your youtube hulu or uh it's actually on 800 pound gorillas youtube but if you just search my name or mark your territory it will come up on YouTube awesome mark your territory go check it out and go check out the hustler as well always a pleasure thank you thank you so much Kelsey សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.