KFC Radio - Quickie: 1st Celebrity Crush

Episode Date: July 11, 2018

Who is the first celebrity that made you know you were attracted to the opposite (or same) sex? Everyone from Wendy Peffercorn to Britney Spears to Pamela Anderson to Paul Walker.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, we got a KFC Radio quickie following up on yesterday's podcast and the Twitter banter on your first celebrity crush. The person who, uh, the celebrity who let you know that you were straight. Or gay. Or gay. Now, if it was like 2010 i wouldn't have said that i would have just been like all the straight dudes out there which shit did you want to fuck

now 2018 i'm like if you are no you didn't get a single gay response though because i am curious no no gays you aren't known for being progressive yeah that's my that's hey listen you are on the number one feminist and uh and uh what's the opposite of feminist? Masculine podcast and most accepting and progressive. When you get sued and yelled at as many times as you can pick up on it. Welcome Keith to the show.

K-Marco on the program today because he's a horny little fucker. He was like, we gotta talk about it. Let's get in the studio. This is why I avoided doing the show for what, nine years? It's because it shows how fucking weird I am. Welcome. Embrace it, you did.

The idea was... We were trying to remember how this even... I don't even remember the part of the podcast that made us start talking about this. How did we get into this? Does anyone remember? It was just... Was it the porn, the MILF talk? Listen, safe bet saying the porn. You're on this program maybe the porn led to us

but the response was overwhelming so the idea is which person which celebrity uh were you basically horny for as i believe we zeroed in on about eight or nine years old yeah that seems to be i had i had schoolgirl crushes on Kelly Kapowski and the Pink Ranger. I, like, I, like, wanted to hold their hand at recess and shit like that.

You just knew something was different about them. Yeah. I wanted to fuck Tyra Banks. Like, I had, like, a shrine to her in my, like, bedroom and my dad came in.

Well, also, Tyra... It was a fucking frat house. He, like, made me take them all down. Yeah, because Tyra, I mean, like, house he made me take them all down yeah cause Tyra I mean like you know you're watching Stay By The Bell

and it's like oh there's Kelly in like a bikini or whatever but you're watching Tyra Banks and she's like Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated it's like

you're gonna get some fucking material from Tyra that was Tyra and Britney Spears the Baby One More Time cover I

I used to like twist that around thinking I wasn't a very bright child and I used to like twist that around just thinking i wasn't a very bright child and i used to hold the cd at an angle thinking i could see like upper skirt or something like that turns out you can't do that with a still image nope but i tried i tried i mean it wasn't even like i tried it one time i'm trying to do it for six months you just reminded me of my fourth i'm gonna switch it up when we get to that part but i went so i went my first four that i masturbated to right if we're talking about first crush i actually dug deep

into my subconscious and it was cat woman yeah so if we're talking first jerk off that was like what age is that i was at basketball camp so i was like what 11 12 i was gonna say i think i was a late bloomer 13 so that was first jerk off. So I'll talk about that later. But first like sexual experience where I felt something that I was like, what is this? Was I had a Catwoman action figure and she was like in her latex, like super slender. And I had the Batman. Slender?

Yeah. You mean she's making fun of me? Yeah. Yeah. But it was the thing. But I didn't know, like, not making fun of it, I guess, because I didn't know really what it was, but I was just like, oh, this, I liked what I was seeing with Catwoman. And that stuck with me.

That's like, I got to talk to my wife. Was it the figurine of, like, Michelle Pfeiffer, or was it just, like, the movie was based on her? So Batman Returns, was it? Like, that was already out. You knew that you were thinking of her when you looked at the figurine? I think so. It must have been out for that to be the action figure

but then when I matured sexually alone, I moved on to the real life. Michelle Pfeiffer. If people remember the apartment hunting podcast, you now know why I was so excited to meet his wife. Catwoman is always, no matter

who plays her, is always a freak I mean from Michelle Pfeiffer to Halle Berry even to Anne Hathaway she would get a little freaky oh yeah remember that

when she was hopping on the motorcycle like bending over she's the most like hot not hot girl I think like in her like love and other drugs

she was just fucking the whole time and I found her so hot but then you see her like on a red carpet or something like that. Yeah, plain Jane. But I feel like

she's so sexual. I bet you like she walks in a room though you'd be like, what's up baby girl? So my cat woman was Michelle Pfeiffer only. Halle Berry is obviously

fucking hot but didn't extend to cat woman. She was Monster's Ball which I had like buffering on Kazaa for hours just to see that scene with Billy Bob. Still to this day that's one of those sex scenes where I'm buffering on Kazaa for hours just to see that scene with Billy Bob.

Still to this day, that's one of those sex scenes where I'm like, they fucked, right? Like, Billy Bob just put her down. I haven't seen that. I don't know what we're talking about right now. Oh, man, Billy Bob just smashed her from behind. I thought you were going to say Swordfish. No, that is, Swordfish, I mean, her tits are absolutely perfect. Monster's Ball, it's like rough, quickie, dirty, behind sex from behind.

Like, it's Billy Bob smashing her from the back. Dude, I jerk off as soon as we're done. That's my most vivid memory of watching the little, like, LimeWire bar creep up. Go, go, go, go. It goes like the dick's coming out, then it stops, and it's fuzzy, and then you wait a little bit, and then it goes in, and then it's fucked. I mean, they just fucked.

I used to always download a Photoshopped image of Topanga. Yeah, that one. Topanga was standing by a swing set. I didn't know the exact one. That was Photoshopped of Topanga and Photoshopped of Britney Spears was a big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was always like some girl who was just blonde. Topanga by a swing set?

Yes. All right. Topanga was a huge hit for this. Topanga was? You know what? Topanga doesn't have that juice for me anymore I never wanted to fuck her, I wanted to date her I wanted all of the above But I also

I had just, there were many before her Mine was Jamie Powell Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge Who I later have since Found out through my research that she fucked Scott Baio on set when she was 17. Lost her virginity to Scott Baio. Shout out to him.

I'm pretty sure he fucked absolutely everything at that point. But I'm pretty sure that's a little something called statutory rape. Yep. So shout out to Scott Baio. It's showing a legitimate swing set, so I guess I'll look it up later. Like every brand new swing set. Yeah, yours was kind of basic.

It was like four just hot white girls with tits. Well, it was two. I just did four pictures. Oh. It was, I mean, you want to call it basic. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who said Charles in Charge. Because I'm old as fuck. But I like, I mean, it's fair.

They're hot. But like, I went a little grimier. Like, I feel like you need to distinguish yourself. Listen, it's not my fault you were jerking off to Catwoman figurines, all right? I'm sorry. I was watching TV. I didn't jerk off

to the figurines. I had a bunch of the real-life version of the figurines. I had a bunch of, like, Barbie dolls that I was always naked. Hell yeah.

Just, like, I'd just be touching that out of that patch and just, like, I don't know. Is this what it looks like? All right. You know who was

a big one for me, too? Marty McFly's girlfriend. That was like an 80s chick, Elizabeth Shue. But I was such a Back to the Future nerd. Oh, that was Elizabeth Shue? Yeah. There's two. At one point, in the beginning, it's her, and then it's not, or vice versa.

When was the first time you watched Point Halloway for that? I was in my grandma's house watching the Spice Channel. His friend is naughty. His friend in there? My grandma had a black box. She had a black box. I was watching the Spice Channel.

It was fire. Going over to grandma's house was fire. I never did TV. I never did TV points. I accidentally did it. We were watching on a black box

at my buddy's house in his dad's room, watching wrestling. It was, like, something like WrestleMania or something like that. And it just clicked in the middle of it, and it just turned into porn. And we didn't even hit the channel or anything like that. It just, like, fucked up. And we were just kind of, like, it was like Tommy Boy.

It was like, you can change it. You can change it if you want. Great segue for me with WWF. First, I feel like you're, what, like, three or four years older than me? Yeah. I think that was the generation that did like staticky TV porn, and then I was right when computers happened, so I never did the TV. Back to wrestling.

So my first masturbation, very clear memory. Providence College basketball camp. I was in a bunk bed. You used to go to PC basketball camp? Yeah. I used to go to PC hockey camp. Really? Did you jerk off there?

Oh, I jerked off there all the time. Yeah, we had a magazine we used to go to PC basketball camp? Yeah. I used to go to PC hockey camp. Really? Did you jerk off there? Oh, I jerked off there all the time. Yeah, we had a magazine we used to pass around. I jerked off in the top bunk to a magazine of Sable. Was it the white boy? No. Oh, you basketball kids. We had a fucking smut magazine. We had one where there was a chick like

this, and... Nardini just saw me like that. It had a target on her pussy and it was like, try and come here. I don't like that. I'm still kind of like that too. I don't like the just like

in your face nudity porn, like I want to like use my imagination. Like porn, I need the storyline. If there's no storyline, I don't want,

I don't want constellations or anything. That's why Sable was so important because it was like, you could watch her wrestle and there's like storylines involved with her, but then also you'd see her big old fake titties.

She had the fakest tits. Oh, yeah. She made Pam Anderson's tits look real. Oh, her and Brianna Banks. Oh, Brianna Banks had nipples pointing all different directions. They were just fantastic. Our DNA is wondering what we're talking about. I bet.

Just me jerking off. Yeah, like in a porn, I can finish before the storyline ends. Like before they even start fucking, just using my imagination. That's my go-to. Yeah, that's my go-to porn. So Sable was like the ultimate, like you're just looking at her in clothes and you're imagining. Yep. I was looking at the Google images to do my tweet about it, and it was like, she's pretty trashy.

I was like a little upset with... Oh, she's not classy enough for you, huh? Well, she was kind of like, she always had a big vein. In every picture I saw, she had a vein in her bicep, and I hate that. And I was like, I could, Keith, you can do better.

But that's, it's what happens. It is, it is. I'm not going to lie about it. The picture with like the latex like black hands over her nipples.

Forget it. That Playboy, I remember I was at Ride Playland. Everyone was ice skating and there was a Playboy with Sable. Did you catch him

on this one too? He like made it to the face like, yep. Everybody was like taking their turns going in and out of the bathroom, just flipping through the pages. You'd hop off the ice, you'd wobble over there on your skates, go in the stall, look at Sable's Playboy.

So you have Catwoman, Sable. Oh, Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. All-time class. Not Angelina Jolie. No, the polyagonal. The pixelated 3D polygonal character. Yes. Just in the turquoise singlet running through the chasm,

the chasm castle, whatever it was called. That was it. Yeah, that was like PlayStation 1, right? Because again, those things at the time, she looked real as fuck compared to other video games so now you look back and it's all you know cones and angles and shit but at the time that square face and those triangle titties were hot don't get me wrong angelina jolie they're still hot angelina jolie made the rotation later but she was the original and i have been uh upset about this since the first KFC radio I ever did back in the Skype days. It was like the one time that I went on, you invited me on, and one of the questions was what like inanimate object would you fuck?

And I didn't say one video game characters or Lara Croft. And I've been thinking about like how I blew that for seven years. That's what I wanted to say. Also mannequins. I love fucking for seven years. That's what I wanted to say. Also, mannequins. I love fucking mannequins. When they put their yoga pants on them on NYC streets, they'll walk out across the street.

I am so happy you said that. I have been on board with that forever. Once I was up in Fordham, everything on Fordham Road has badass. Mannequins from Jimmy Jazz. Those ones over there. Yes, we were walking for the vlog and I almost stopped

and did some creepy shit with one just for the camera. I was about to slap it up a little bit. Mannequin asses are the best asses on the planet. But that's a New York thing. I remember you told me this before when we were doing the rundown on Skype type deal. And you were at black people's stores. And I thought you meant a Boost Mobile. I didn't know what you were talking about so I I didn't learn about that until I came in and you see them though that ass is just like

girls mannequin not the full mannequins I don't know if you're just a half yeah not the like outfits on the full woman just the legs with the ass and the yoga pants sometimes they don't have feet it's usually just like shins to waist. Oh, fuck about feet. It's the ass. Yeah. And the thighs are perfectly proportional. Those are two highly fuckable inanimate objects. You know who didn't get brought up that was unfortunate? No one brought up Hilary Duff.

You were talking about like seeing the, like, I used to pause the Hilary Duff movie. There's like one shot where she's going around the fountain. I used to pause it just to look at her ass. Yeah, yo, and she's still got that donk to this day. I watched the Lizzie McGuire movie this weekend. Did you really? Yeah. Classic.

Great. Very, very good movie. I didn't jerk off after it. Sing to me, Paolo. Who was my fourth? Oh, this is what I wanted to change. In my tweet, I had Tia Carrera from Wayne's Works. Which is a good pick.

I'm surprised you wanted to change that, because that's a little bit of a secret. That was my first Asian. Yeah. And she transitioned easily to Tara Patrick. Yeah. I mean, they're the same person. So you always want the version of but I wanted to change it to Christina Aguilera in the Dirty Video because that is way more formative. That's a little too

late, though. Yeah. I was in formative years, so I had a big imprint on it. Weren't we in high school? We were middle school. Because I remember I used to jerk off to the Dirty video. Yo, the Dirty video is... I jerked off to that so many times. I had the Maxim cover.

Tia Carrera was super hot, but I don't think I was at the point yet where I'm not sure I ever jerked off to her. I know that she was hot. Many loads. Yeah, Christina. Oh, yeah. That ridiculous skirt that she was wearing when she like spins around and like drops her ass.

Like, Oh, that video will never be replicated. There will never be a hotter music video. That video. And, um, I didn't jerk off to the video so much as just the lyrics to how many legs.

Yeah. I would like, just like put on my headphones and be like, yeah. Well, Kim had that song Blow Me and I like didn't understand like what

I was like do girls like do you blow a girl how does that work I was so confused I remember the remember the

Lil' Kim and like Missy Elliott all them Ladies Night the Ladies Night song yeah that was a remix

there was an original that was so fucking filthy. And I remember just reading, like, it had the lyrics in, like, the CD insert. And I remember just reading that. Yeah, dude, that's what, reading that shit from, like, How Many Licks, that's why I still, like,

I like the fucking, I mean, like, the story, I like the fucking printed word. Yeah. What was it, like, penthouse letters? Yeah, that's a good one, too. That was good. I picture, I don't want to picture this, but I picture you as like a ferocious masturbator. When you were just saying that, thinking of you masturbating. No, no. Like when people say like count your dick, it means like John.

Even when I just did that, I was like, that was disgusting. I'm not thinking of your actual dick. I'm thinking of you doing it though, which is startling. But your face, I can picture it. No, it's not. It's like steroid biceps popping. He's got the headphones on, his little curls

are like bumping out of his head. I have like, I've like trained myself to, I'm such a weird fucking person. I like train myself to like, I have no face ever. Like sex, jerking off,

I'm just like stuck. You are something in bed, man. No speaking, no noises, no facial expressions. Yeah, it's like, you're fucking a mannequin. You're lucky, lucky you. something in bed, man. No speaking, no noises, no facial expressions. It's like you're fucking a mannequin. You're lucky. You're lucky. You, you don't speak. I don't, I get too uncomfortable with the dirty talk. It's hard. I like dirty talking said to me. I do not like to say it. I feel like I'm being judged as I say it. I'm like,

was this right? Like, did I say that? And it wasn't right. Whatever you said wasn't. And I know my voice, like I don't like my my voice, and it comes out monotone, and I'm like, there's no way that was sexy, what I just said. A hundred percent. It's like... All right, fucking... A couple of Charlie Chaplins over here. Dial in film.

I mean, do it, but it's not... I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good. I'm self-conscious about it, and I can't come for a while, because I'm like, fuck. The, uh... I don't know if I mentioned it yesterday, but Natasha Hensherjian's Species was a couple years later, where I learned that I was a sexual deviant. Like, it was like, oh, these are pretty girls, and I like them.

And then in Species, she was, like, fucking banging dudes and killing them with her tentacles. And I was like, this is... Is that the one she gets in the hot tub very slowly? Yeah. Oh, Showgirls. Showgirls is in Showgirls. That I watched on TV. That one I watched on TV at Grandma's house.

And then Showgirls. I don't TV that one I watched on TV at grandma's house and then Showgirls I don't think we've talked about this Showgirls was just it was like they were Las Vegas like dancers but it was NC-17

it was in the theater so that was a big deal it's like you could go to a major theater and see Jesse Spano from from Saved by the Bell

you could see her naked probably that was a big deal the worst movie of all time that's like so rewatchable there's a pool sex scene in it that is like and if you're gonna talk pool sex scenes and hot tub sex scenes wild things i've only seen that i've never i haven't seen the actual movie i like it it's kind of good yeah but the three seven matt dylan denise

richards nev campbell nev campbell was so hot in the streets at that point with Scream and everything. Denise Richards was like one of the most underrated, like, fake tits, big babes of that era. And then when Matt Dillon folds up her thong and puts it in his pocket, I was like, that's a move. 13-year-old me was like, you're supposed to steal their underwear? Okay. The champagne popping and spilling. Threesomes, the wild things threesome is that, that might transcend like time and space. Like,

like I saw it, I was coming up with that, but I feel like you can, you can show a kid, you show a kid that today and they'd be like, okay, that stands the test of time. No doubt.

The most depressing part of this whole experiment, my first celebrity crush was seeing guys like Glennie balls, be like Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson was my contemporary. If I went into her on the street i might try to hook up with her when you were eight years old fucking beaten off to duke's a hazard geez not even that's like late jessica simpson yeah it wasn't even early not even like the uh with you video and the material they have nowadays like i think it's

a disservice they didn't grow up absolutely way we did. Absolutely. I think you become a much better masturbator and appreciator of what you say. You become a much better person. Yeah. If you have to live through tough times and adversity. Yep. That's why. Offering, your mom coming down the stairs. Kids these days have fucking, you have eight DPs that you can just pull up on your fucking MacBook.

Done. On the go. You're walking around. You don't have to work for it. That's why we are the greatest generation. We're the last ones that had to work for it, but the first ones who got to reap the benefits of the internet. People say millennials

are ruining things. Millennials suffered through bad porn. Gen Z. I had to set a long box to get up in the morning to have shit in the closet queue so that it would be ready for you later. I became a computer expert. I'm convinced I can code for our website because of how many folders I went through to delete the cookies and the shit.

I've read research manuals on where it could be hidden, what my parents might have said to catch me. Temporary internet files. I was in the mainframe like in Swordfish, just like with data everywhere, just like deleting cookies. Yo, how about, I mean, I'm an expert on modems. What, you have a 28.8? You got to have at least a 56K.

And if you've got a DSL or a T1 or a T3, you must be in college. The only way to get a T1 or a T3 is if you're on a college campus. That was, I mean, I know everything about a goddamn modem. So, uh... Do you want to do some of the suggestions? Yeah. Pink Ranger. Pink Ranger.

I was a little too late for that. I was probably jerking off by that point. I already had my loves. But the Pink Ranger could get it. Pink Ranger came to my little too late for that. I was probably jerking off by that point. I already had my loves. But the Pink Ranger could get it. Pink Ranger came to my little sister's birthday party. Not in the... No, like in the costume. And I jerked off for like a month after.

It was inappropriate at the time, but I waited until she left. She was hot too. She took the mask off to come get like a glass of water. She was a fucking hot girl. What up, Kim? They say... Wendy Becker Gordon. Wendy Becker Gordon. She was hot. But you know what? There's just not enough of water. She was a fucking hot girl. What up, Kim? They say... Wendy Becker Gordon. Wendy Becker Gordon.

She was hot. But you know what? There's just not enough of her. You know, there's like one main scene with her with squints. Other than that, but she is sexy as fuck.

How about some of the girls in that game? Paul Walker. Paul Walker, that's like... In what? In what movie? Like... I mean, Fast and Furious

has come out. Was it? Is that old? I think so. I feel so old. Are you okay talking about it? I feel like I was like... I'm okay, yeah.

And Becky. And Becky. And Becky was my... That's the first milk. That's the OG milk. That was when I was getting into the mature scene. And Becky still got it.

Yeah, she does. And Becky's fucking... She stood the test of time. Did we say Jennifer Love Hewitt? Jennifer Love Hewitt, again, if I was the right age, I mean, she's my number one. She is my everything.

Heartbreakers. That's the movie, right? Where she's my number one. She is my everything. Heartbreakers. That's the movie, right? Where she's in the red. But that was like 2002. So by that point, I'm like well beyond that. But if I grew up in that era, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Can't Hardly Wait, Heartbreakers, I Know What You Did Last Summer, all that shit. Yes.

Alicia Silverstone. Crying video was huge for me. I don't know that. I can't even put a face to it. Clueless? Oh, Clueless. I don't want to kill somebody can't even put a face to it. You know... Clueless? Oh, Clueless. I don't want to kill somebody.

Do you know the Aerosmith video? Crying? No. Oh, my God. I hate you guys. That video, she's like... She's like this, you know,

rebel teen and she's like... She goes and gets a tattoo and she's like hooking up with dudes and it's just pure sex. I didn't like her in Clueless. I liked the black friends.

Yeah. That's Stacey Dash. She was timeless. She's like 60. She looked the same as she did. She was like 35 in Clueless. She was playing like a 15-year-old. Yeah. Nadia from American Black.

I mean, again, if you grew up on that for sure. I mean, that was early. That was early. Logan's raising his hand. I mean, that was when she is, oh, I'm going to go over to Jim's house to study. Let me go change my clothes and I'll just finger myself in this kid's bed. What?

In what high school was that happening? That movie does not hold up. No. That's just an entire high school committing a sex crime. Yeah, no. It's very rapey. That's what that movie's about. That was before we realized that people were going to use the internet to do that for real. Yeah, no, it's very rapey. That's what that movie's about. That was like before

we realized that people were going to use the internet to do that for real, like revenge porn and shit. It was like, wouldn't it be funny if everyone could see it on the computer?

Oh, well that happened, so now you all look like rapists. Phoebe Cates. Phoebe, I don't even know who that is. Best Times at Ridgemont High. Oh,

that's, see that? Who's that, that rear ass? Probably, right? But it's like the scene where we're coming out of the pool? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that it's like the scene where we're coming out of the pool?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's a good one. Jessica Biel coming out of the pool in Summer Catch. I saw... Shout out to all the old people who were telling me Ginger and Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island.

If that's your era, probably. I always appreciate a good throwback. Large threw out I Dream of Jeannie. That chick was a little minx. Yep. She was a little slutty Jeannie. She had that little nose. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

That was a good one. The nose of the witch. Oh, yeah. Fuck. She could get it, too. Stacey Keebler. Same thing. I mean, the WWF era

is just going to keep going. He went from Sable to Trish Stratus to Stacey Keebler. I don't know who it is now, but that'll be something. She had from Coal House. Oh, the original bad girl.

Smoking cigarettes. The baddest bitch smoking cigarettes in the bathroom trying to get DJ like fuck boys and stuff like that. She she she wasn't like the, you know, the single most attractive, but the package got an extensive knowledge of every show.

Yeah. Kelly Bundy the original slut. She was the sluttiest girl ever on TV until Nikki Cox in everything unhappily ever after. She was the sluttiest girl ever on TV. Until Nikki Cox in Unhappily Ever After, which was the same character. Christina Applegate? Yes. She was just such a whore. She was fucking everybody in sight.

Jenny McCarthy? Singled out. The Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra singled out combo. And then, of course, we can't be more honest. Pam Anderson is probably, for our age group, it most, like, it's going to have the most overlap. You know what? Someone tweeted me a picture of Baywatch today. Pam Anderson is the third hottest chick on that show.

Behind who? Whoever the other two are. Well, there was a run. I mean, they had Carmen DeLacroix. They had Yasmeen Bleeth. They had her. They had that black chick. They just kept adding them.

Nicole Ruger. Brooke Burke. Brooke Burke. what a woman all she was doing was just a travel show and I was like I gotta jerk off Sarah Michelle

yep Buffy was one she was right she was hand in hand with Jennifer Love Hewitt those two girls with the three names one blonde

one brunette both smoking I can't remember this girl's name but the whipped cream bikini from Varsity Blues Ally Larder yeah that's aarsity Blues. Ally Larder. Yeah, that's a good one.

I'm Ally Larder. You're Beyonce. I am Beyonce always. I'm not getting fired up about any of these. Yeah, me neither. They're all okay. You have your own.

I know, but I want memories to come back. I like this. Britney Spears. I mean, the baby woman. That's almost like a cheating answer. You know what I mean?

It's like Pam Anderson and Britney Spears in their primes are the two hottest chicks ever. It's Megan Fox bringing up the third place for Transformers. If you were a little bit younger, you probably would say Megan Fox. It's tough when you know how they turned out, like the Sable thing. Like they were hot in their prime, but in my head I have Britney Spears now like falling over on a stage. And like Pamela Anderson, which is old, and like her tits are sad.

But not many maintain you know I know it's just tough when you know yeah you were saying Jessica Alba oh that's a good one

the only problem with Alba is like she was such a bad actress that she was never in something like usually there's like

very popular shows or movies you remember watching it's like I mean I watched Dark Angel because I was a horny little fucker but nobody else

out there was watching Dark Angel she was in Flipper Flipper yeah sure Jeff Hansen I never liked her I don't like her I mean Nobody else out there was watching Dark Angel. Flip her. Flip her, yeah. Sure. Jennifer Aniston?

I never liked her. I don't like her. I mean, she's an extremely popular one that everyone sends. Courtney Cox was mine. I mean, I'm definitely more Jennifer Aniston, but, like, I mean, she was pretty tame compared to all the other ones. It's, like, my friend's number one. It's, like, people are obsessed with her. It's, like, a lot of people's number one woman on the planet. I mean, when she's in horrible Boston doing that dirty talk, that's...

Yeah, she's super hot. She's always blasting nips. I don't feel... She's always blasting nips. Always. I don't feel the sexual attraction. Well, I'm attracted to her. Gay!

I don't feel the energy. Like, I want to fuck her. Cameron Diaz in the mask. That is the hottest Cameron Diaz has ever been. She's in that cocktail dress, that like lounge dress. Sex is fucked, but like...

She's hotter in something else. But it's not gonna... I mean, again... The movie with Ashley Kutcher. What Happens in Vegas? What Happens in Vegas. She's so fucking hot. What Happens in Vegas.

She's hot in Night and Day too with Tom Cruise. Great film. What the fuck is she... Name another movie she's in that she's really hot. She did that bad teacher movie where she was like

a stupid teacher. Yes, yes, yes. She was just trying to movie where she was like a stupid teacher. Yes. She was just trying to fuck everybody. Nikki Cox. Yeah, Nikki Cox was Kelly Bundy 2.0. When she was in her prime, she looks a little weird now, she was super sexy. She was like a real life

Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit. There you go, Jessica Rabbit. Jasmine, Jessica Rabbit. Get Lola Bunny. Jessica Rabbit. Wow. Bunny. Jessica Rabbit. Wow. Xtina getting the boot for a person that's not even real. Busty-ass rabbit.

I mean, the list goes on and on, but I would like, I'm going to put the call out now, I would like to hear from some gay people. Yeah, what the fuck? I would love to know if there's, like, chicks out there who are like, y'all. The chicks love that motocross dude from the Disney movie. I got that, like, sent to me, like, three or four different times. I didn't see that motocross dude from the Disney movie I got that like sent to me like three or four times

I didn't see that I saw Devin Sawa I saw Juras K. Pat he's not really gay yeah he's the fakest gay guy ever I would love to see

if there was some girl like my age who was like yeah Kelly Kapowski made me feel weird and I didn't know what was going on and you know

we gotta get some gay guys out here who are probably thinking the Paul Walkers of the world again we're most and we've got to get some gay guys out here. We're probably thinking the Paul Walkers of the world. Again, we're most... It's got to be like the Jonathan Taylor. That's like the schoolboy. JTT is probably a big one. You get all the boy band guys.

You get a lot of that. Andrew Keegan in Can't Nowhere. Luke Perry in 9-12. Yeah, I mean the problem here too is that chicks aren't just like furiously masturbating like we are at the age of 12. So it's not really quite the same. It doesn't really translate. So the list goes on and on.

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