KFC Radio - Quickie: 2 Virgins, 1 Night

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

Straight from the KFCR Mailbox: A few years ago in high school, two of my guys friends (they were best friends) both lost their virginity to the same girl in the same night. For almost a year, I was the only person outside of guy #1 who know she'd hooked up with both of them. When it came out, and to this day, guy #2 is mad at me for not telling him. Personally I think guy #1, HIS BEST FRIEND, should have been the one to break that news. Let me know your thoughts.@JayHayKid pops in to tell a great threesome story. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a Monday edition of KFC Radio. Today's quickie is a Monday mailbox. Oh, I like that. We open up the mail time. Alliteration is like so stupid. It works every time. I'm so impressed by it.

Whoa! There are only 26 letters. Two words in a row start with the same one three we'll do a monday mail time mailbag monday mail time triple m maybe uh so we we uh put the call out last week for you know the mailbox is interesting because there's a lot of people out there who may be a little bit a little bit scared of putting their their voice on put their vocals on wax you don't want to have because i've had people be like it's all anonymous and it's like but if any of your friends hear it they're gonna know it's you yeah they know your voice if you call them the disguised voice and it's just weird right like we won't even answer your questions make funny the whole time no

doubt so you gotta you're definitely kind of putting yourself out there a little bit with the voicemails mailbox not so much these are all our anonymous submissions through the mailbox we got a bunch that we can run through uh we'll see how long uh we got though because this first one here is a bit of a doozy i could see this uh taking some time let me uh let me find it because we listed them all out here a few years ago two of my guy friends they were best friends so i'm assuming this came from a girl bc sent me all these so this is a chick a few years ago in high school two of of my guy friends, they were best friends, both lost their virginity to the same girl in the same night.

For almost a year, I was the only person outside of guy number one who knew she had hooked up with both of them. When it came out, and to this day, guy number two is mad at me for not telling him. Personally, I think guy number one, his best me for not telling him uh personally i think guy number one his best friend should have been the one to break the news let me know your thoughts two guys one girl same night virginity slayer that chick is just snatching v cards and making guys come this this guy number two sounds like a real pussy it was years ago who gives a fuck oh yeah to be upset about it is ridiculous

I thought you were going to say like I mean there's no way he knew It's like he just thought he was getting rocks I wouldn't be mad about it But I would kind of be like Bro, why'd you keep it a secret? This is weird Now it's weird

You made it weird now Because it's like Well, should i be upset because you felt the need for you and becky here to like fucking conspire to keep it from me now i'm like what's going on yeah well did he keep dating her afterwards well yeah that that see that could be if if that was my girlfriend that would maybe bother me a little bit because i you know uh we we talk about all the time we don't want to know what your number is we don't want to know what your history is if i knew't want to know what your history is.

If I knew that, like I was putting the first time we ever had sex together. The first time I had sex period, the first time you and I ever got together and now we're in a relationship. I was putting my penis in a cummy vagina. Come belong into my best friend. Oh, I don't know. I feel like in high school,

like if you're losing your virginity, you're probably wrapping wrapping it up yeah you're true that's true but for the sake of the uh the the the flowery description here i'm thinking i'm thinking there's just cum everywhere i i that would bug me especially man you know when i was when when when i was that age when we're talking virginity and we're talking like you've only had sex with one person or two people like it was a big deal back then I remember the girl that I was dating in I got together with in my freshman year of college

idiot I knew she had had a boyfriend in both of us had had a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school and that was the only person we had slept with and she told me a story once and the way she told it, it just kind of sounded like there was a second guy.

And I, it like bothered me for like a week. I was like kind of being like, I was being a chick about it. I was being like quiet and standoffish. Oh, so you were the, you, I was the chick. Our relationship was built on a lie kind of guy? No, it wasn't. The rom-com?

No, it wasn't. Yeah, by the way, we'll get to that. I saw your tweet the other day. It was such a good point good point it was more just like i can't believe there's been another dick up in there it wasn't like oh you've been lying to me it was just like i would really have preferred that you only had sex with that one guy i like how that's that that it's i think for regular people it would be the other way around it would be it would be the lie for us it's like it was another penis right i don't want to share that with i have to share with the one guy i know you dated him i just didn't want there to be a second one and i eventually she was kind of like what's wrong and i was like did you have sex with

someone else and she was like no no i meant it like it was just like the way she worded it and i was like oh just a great weight off the shoulders yeah and that i mean you know so if i found that out it was my best friend and all that other nonsense in the same night. Because then also two things. One, it's like, it's weird. You, you know, you're my buddy, my girlfriend. You've had sex, virginity thing. Then it's also like, I'm kind of dating a pretty slutty chick

who's fucking two dudes in one night. Yeah. You know, like the old Chappelle. The craziest thing I did was have a sexual gangbang here without a rubber. Like, oh, so you're the girl who's just fucking multiple guys at the party? Okay, how many times has that happened? That happens to me at a party I was at once. My mom was the one who caught him.

Wait, what? Oh, what? This girl, my graduation party. Didn't expect to hear my mom. Yeah, my graduation party, there was a girl there who was just freaky deaky. Let that freak flag fly, baby. Yeah, and my mom was kind of just patrolling the party you know it was high school kids it was literally the day of graduation and it's kind of you know you do like that senior week thing and uh kind of just have a bunch of parties for a week straight right and um we i had the initial one and my mom

was kind of just patrolling the grounds. Oh, I thought you meant you fucked the girl. You were the initial one. No, no, no, no. The initial party. Yeah, yeah, the initial party. I was not any of the people my mom caught having sex. But my mom caught the same girl having sex with three different guys.

Wow. And she wasn't hunting. She was just walking around. I'd be like, you're fucking in the same guy. One time was in my mom's car in the garage. Oh, man. Yo, you know, that's a little like, fool me once,

fool me twice, fool me three times, Paul, you should probably kick her out of the party. Get out of here, you slut. It was like everyone slept over. It wasn't one of those, like, everyone was from everywhere else and everyone took a week off before they went actually home. Three people fucking fucking in your party in your house is pretty funny it was wild man i mean uh you know i if a guy does that this is a classic like double standard

if a guy does that it's like yeah wow man you're having a good night i think if i know a girl is fucked three guys and at a party i i think you're like a certifiable hooker. See, I think we were very progressive at that age. I think even the next day we were like, oh shit, Sam, get it, girl. Wait, was there a name Sam? No. I was about to say Sam as the made up name.

How about that? Hey, shout out to all the Sams out there. All the Samanthas just evoke a vibe of true sluttiness. I was about to say Sam. So, back to the sluttiness. I was about to say Sam. Samanthas, you and five fuck three guys. Yeah. So back to the original topic here. I think I would be, you know, not mad about the fact that we, you know, I had sloppy seconds. But I think I would be a little bit mad that you felt the need to come up with some sort of like multiple year lie, it sounds like.

And then I'd be like, oh, my girlfriend is the, you know, the double, the double fucker. Double fucker. Yeah. Being involved in any sort of these scenarios, it's much like a relay race. Like you don't want to be the anchor. You don't want to be carrying that baton last.

I'll set the pace. I'll do the first lap. That's where you want to be in that scenario uh i'm trying to think i actually no i don't think i've ever had anything happen like this i actually i don't think so but i could have some friends who are just keeping multi-year lies on me uh do you know of anybody that well there was a time i thought i had herpes and that was like i don't think i don't think it all happened in the same night though let me uh let me justpes and that was like, I don't think it all happened in the same night, though. Let me let me just grab. Hang on. I don't think I know of any any time I've done this.

Like you said, I might have friends who are who are holding out on me. But our guy, the J. Hey, kid, Justin Havens, he is the producer of Starting Nine and he works with Dallas Braden. He's got a story relating to this. I love when we pull Jay Hay in. You know something's coming. You know it's about to go down. This, you know, so I preface to you, this girl said,

I had two guy friends, they lost their virginity to the same girl on the same night. The first guy knew about it, the second guy didn't until years later it came out. And I was like, that's child's play. Let second guy didn't until like years later it came out. Yep. And I was like, that's child's play. Let's get Lurvie in here to tell his, his tale. So I have a great friend of mine who will remain nameless, but we have been friends for a very long time.

College after college, the whole thing. And he's a trip. He, he's, he's an experience. Yeah, he really is.

Yeah. He's his own experience. That's a great way to describe it. Uh, He's an experience. Yeah, he really is. Yeah, he's his own experience. That's a great way to describe it. I decided long ago that I was going to hitch my star to him, in a sense, socially, and just see where it went, like for better or worse. And it's been great. So this is probably like 2013. You know, we're still in that period after college where, like, people are trying to get after it. Everybody's having a great old time, trying to recapture your youth, all that sort of stuff.

So we were we were in D.C. OK, he was in this collection of friends were in D.C. and a bunch of people went out one night. OK, and we were moments away from just leaving completely empty handed. Like people had come from Chicago. I had driven from Connecticut. It was like, we went out for drinks and no, no lady action. Okay. And my, my other friend sees his ex-girlfriend and another girl across the way at the bar and was like, all right, like last ditch effort. Let's see how this goes. Okay. And the, so they said, basically these guys were like, we have a great deal of drugs back

at the apartment. Okay. That'll usually do it. Yeah. And the girl just coincidentally was like, oh, my God, we were looking for drugs. So we're cooking now. And so we go back to my buddy's place and it's just a it's a melee. is probably as close to like a rock star behind the scenes, like rich person movie set up that I've ever had in my life in terms of the,

the quantity of things that were available and just, and just the general, the general vibe of the situation. So, uh, this is one of those things that goes all the way through the evening. And, and so we get to like, it's like two, goes all the way through the evening. And, and so we get to like,

it's like two, three o'clock in the morning. Right. And this girl and I are, people are vibing. Right. And so we go in and we start to, we start to fool around a little bit.

And she says, Hey, would you want to bring your buddy in? And I said, well, I hadn't really thought about it, but sure. Right. And so we bring him in and he is, as Clancy knows, he is like awkward in a tremendous way. Like his voice is just, it's like nails on a chalkboard. And so we started to, we started to go at it and it's lights on. Okay.

Which is like, you call them in. You're like, let's go. Yeah. Like this is a once in a lifetime thing. Like let's just fucking do it. Right.

There are two types of people in this world. People go like, no fucking way. And there's someone who says this once in a lifetime. Let's see where this happens. Yeah. I knew, I knew that like the relationships that were formed this night weren't going to be everlasting just go for it um so it gets like it's lights on it is as awkward as you guys are probably thinking that it is okay he he's like struggling to perform

okay so it becomes more of a fucking mess than anything not like an actual mess but like just kind of like sloppy and like what are we doing you know and so he basically excuses himself and but before that but before that happens i'll be outside there is an amazing photo that a third friend of ours got that just like that is circling around our friends. And it's one of those like, please don't ever let it get out. Please don't let it get out. And it's my buddy with this girl. Just he's just going to town on her.

And her feet are up in the air. And it's it's it's soot black. Everybody's just been walking around in the mud and dirt outside. It's the scummiest photo, but the best photo of all time, okay? And when I say he was going to town, they weren't banging. He was going down on her. So it's so perfect. And so this goes on.

I didn't think it would J.A. Moore. He goes hard. This goes on, okay? And long story short, I was supposed to go to a wedding. This is Friday night. I was supposed to go to a wedding on Sunday, okay? We were at, as part of the festivities,

we went to a Nationals game on Saturday. It had to have been. It was like at the All-Star game. It was 95 with like 1,000% humidity. I'm hungover. I was like, I got to show up. I leave my friends. I go to the game.

I'm sitting there in the fifth inning. Okay. And I decide no more because I got a text from those guys said the girls are coming back. And I was like, well, I crossroads, right? I can either go to this wedding of this coworker that I really should never have said yes to or been invited to in the first place or go back for round two, which was supposed to be a once in a lifetime. It's now a twice in a lifetime. Correct.

I go. I decide that we're just pulling the ripcord right here. And me, this is probably the scummiest thing I've ever done. I go and I say I pretend to take a phone call. OK, we're all sitting in the stands and I walk away into the concourse and I come back and I say, guys, I have to go immediately. My uncle who lives in Boston has just suffered a stroke and they don't know how long he's going to live. I have to leave right now because I needed to get out of the wedding on Sunday, too. It's got to be a long lasting excuse.

So I leave the ballpark and pretend I go back to the hotel. I pack up all my shit. I pretend I'm going back to Connecticut. And instead, I just go back to the house. And we basically just run back the entire night again. Now, it was only like 85% as good the second time. You can never recapture it fully. You can't fully recapture it.

But all the antics happened again. And the kicker to this story that I'll leave you with is that this girl, her nickname, or her name really, as it really matters, was Beatus. Because you know what she was? She was fucking diabetic, and she had one of the pumps

attached to her while all the fucking was going on. So the second night, you see the diabetes pump on her side and it becomes dislodged. Oh, my God. Actions are going on. So she's like lore around my friends now, Beatus, who had apparently just broken up with her boyfriend the week prior. It was just going hard.

Knee deep in double teams and just debauchery and just complete and utter nonsense. But yeah, everybody had a great time. Everybody got a feel for something. There's another Creed Bratton party. We were like, yeah, I didn't think it slipped into anything. No way to know. It was unbelievable. Suffice it to say, not the same scenario of people getting upset and bothered by who was first and who was second.

Every late July, every late July, I think, wow, it's right around that time again. The anniversary. There's a feeling in the air where I'm like, oh, yeah, that'll never leave me. I love it, man. I mean, whenever Jay Hayes called it, like you said. It's two for two right now. I don't have the quantity of stories some people have. It's the quality. Minor high impact.

Quality over quantity, baby. I love it. So let us know if you've had any sort of accident. We've done accidental threesomes. We've done intentional threesomes. We've got, yeah, we've got, you know, virginity, V-card, double fuckers. We've got it all. So you know virginity v card double fuckers we've got it all uh so let us know if you've ever had any experience with it it's stories like that that make me be like damn i i don't i don't have any story my i do i once i once had sex with two girls

in 24 hours and that one felt good when you get the and they were totally separate it was like bang bang and i was that one felt good so i got that going for me i don't quite have dirty feet threesomes though that is with the diabetes oh my god that's a whole fucking thing jay hazen man that's so funny that's just such a great line like i recently was like partying like you know over the summer with some friends and uh one of my buddies went if i didn't do drugs in college i never would have gotten laid because my only pickup line was ever, yeah, I got some drugs back in the room. Coincidentally, that's what they were looking forward to. All right.

Let us know. Get at us on Twitter at KC Radio. We'll catch you guys tomorrow for a full length episode of KC Radio.