KFC Radio - Quickie: Adulting

Episode Date: July 20, 2018

Being a grown-up is hard. MONEY PLEASSSSEYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's quickie is all about how hard it is to be an adult. How hard it is to just get shit done. How hard it is to be prepared and to execute and to live life, really. It's so hard that when you do the littlest thing, you feel accomplished, right? Dude, I, on Saturday, this past Saturday, the only thing I had to do, Kevin, the entire day, whole day, was go to pick up my laundry. It is a block away from my apartment.

Didn't have to do my laundry. Just had to pick it up from the lady who does it for me. And from where I woke up about 10 a.m till 5 40 closed at 6 and i needed i needed i i had to get it because i had no underwear and we're going to dc on sunday and they're closed on sundays i had no choice but to go do this and i at 5 40 got up worked the seven minutes to get it, and I came back like I just cured cancer. I came back. I was so proud of myself, I called my mother to tell her

that I was wrapping up my errands on Saturday. I had just... I got to get credit for this. All I had done was re-watch the office all day until I finally went seven minutes to get laundry. And I said, mom, you'll never guess what I did today. I am just, you raised, you raised this man. I am just getting done with my errands right now. And I tell you what, I'm feeling great. Do I have to set an alarm to do things like what? Like my wife or anybody in my life

will be like, yo, uh, do you mind? Like, can you pick up my dry cleaning? Can you call? I have to call the locksmith. I have not called the locksmith. I had to get the refrigerator fixed. Have not called the refrigerator guy. I don't do anything ever because I am just a fucking idiot. I am a man-child boy who's just like, oh, I mean, I am forever.

I'll do that later. I'll forever do that later i'm 100 forever later and you know what it really comes down to well in your case it sounds like sheer laziness like in that event in that event you knew you needed clothes and underwear so that was on your brain but i also knew i was gonna get it done you knew you were gonna i knew it ended at six i knew i mean it's just college i'm still in college right i will get that paper done my point was the night before it's it's memory i just have a bad memory like i'll do it if i can remember to do it that's why i have to set alarms and and that's why you know chicks love making

lists and i was like oh i love a good to-do list you ever talked to a chick who like loves to check things off and it's like like they like come from checking things off their list. I'm not writing it down. And so I'm not going to remember it. That's really what it comes down to. Anything that's short of like, if I don't do this, I will die. I'll probably forget to do it.

And you know what too, is I think, and this is, this is going to sound maybe cocky or braggy or whatever. Cause we talk about how we don't do anything all the time. I think we are doing things all the time to the point where like we should get interns or assistants or something because we are always doing things what are we doing sitting here fucking talking kevin that's it yeah that's hard to do it's hard to keep track of doing other shit i have three email addresses

i don't check any of them i I need an assistant to do that. Yeah, no, people keep you. Nardini just walked in. Nardini, we need assistance. Yeah. This is the new podcast studio, not your office. Thank you very much. We went to both studios.

There are people podcasting in both studios. All four conference rooms are taken, so we don't really have anywhere to refer our podcast. So CEO. Sorry, babe. The fucker in charge. Correct. Yes. Get out.

I'll actually argue that what we need is not assistance. It's mothers. Well, I do have a mother. You know what the problem is with fucking moms? They check out. They stop mothering. It's like, oh, what do you think because i graduated college and i have a job and i live alone that you get to stop mothering no you do that shit until i am dead

and in the dirt because i would probably die before you shout out to polly because polly ain't stopped polly ain't stopped polly keep going polly polly had the magnet on the fridge that said my job's done at five every day the kids are are live at 5, I'm done. And I agree with that. She probably poured herself a glass of wine at 5.30. But she mothers, I had to text Polly today because the reason we're kind of talking about this is I have a bachelor party in the morning and I have not bought my flight yet.

I have not bought my flight. You're the king of this. You never buy your flights Just because I don't like to be tied down I want to make sure someone else popped up Hey I can't make the bachelor party That I'm the best man of Something else came up

So I like to keep my schedule clear John just lives his life Waiting for it To come up It's a thing that will go up. At some point. At some point. And John, how many times has something come up?

Pretty often, because had I bought my flight in advance, when I was supposed to, when I would have been financially responsible to, I would not be going to a loan together. You would have gone today. I would have gone Thursday. I was supposed to go today. and i put it off and what a spin zone we've got here look it's just facts here man i wouldn't have been able to make a loan together so keep it up then yeah i need you here for work don't worry about that it's like gary be like keep doing what you're doing okay we will there was never any other option on the table and but

like i'm also i'm also not the worst of my friends, so I don't feel that bad. Oh, my God. I have a buddy who he said, are you in Montreal yet? He just texted me. I said, I'm not. I'm going in the morning. I said, where are you? Are you there?

And he said, here I am, and sent me a picture of himself about to start an interview for his passport. And I said, oh, shit, so you're flying in the morning too? He said, no, 5.30 tonight. It's 3 o'clock. an interview for his passport. And I said, oh shit, so you're flying in the morning too? He said, no, 5.30 tonight. I'm ready to flight. It's 3 o'clock. I got two hours to get the passport, get to the airport,

and get on the flight. Good luck with that, bro. He just replied, please arrive two hours early for an international flight. Not fucking today, boys. I think what this really comes down to, I think this is a battle

of the sexes thing. I do think this is a male thing. Yeah, it is. I think girls, like I said, they always have their lists and they always have their – they just get shit done. That's why you need a mom or a girlfriend. Like the old like I'll make an honest man out of you is actually I'll just get you to do shit. Yeah.

That's really what it means. It really means like I'll get you to stop like doing drugs, booze, and chicks. But it also means on a practical everyday sense, I'm going to get you to do things. To do things. Absolutely. Absolutely. And and honestly what it takes a woman and that sucks because i know girls don't want to be nags but you need to do it yeah and i won't even hold it against you anymore i'm not gonna be like oh you nag me to do that i'll understand you need me to get shit done and what it takes is you hounding me constantly, and I will not hold it against you. I promise.

That's totally true. That's 100% true. And also, I want to go back to the mother stopping mothering before I give Pollyanna a shout-out. She's my accountant. I've told you this. She's your banker, your accountant. She's your doctor. She's your therapist.

Yeah, she does it all. She runs all my finances. Your chef. My chef very often. I'm surprised you're even talking about picking up your doctor. She's your therapist. Yeah, she does it all. She runs all my finances. Your chef. My chef very often. I'm surprised you're even talking about picking up your laundry. I'm surprised you don't, like, ship it to and from Fall River. I did in college. Yeah, there you go.

By the way, as we are talking about this, I am going on to my online banking and taking care of a few things that I absolutely forgot to do. Dude, I had to text my mom today just because I'm running out of money. And I had to text her, money please! The gift from Barks and Rec. And that's just what I texted her and she knows to get. She put the deposit? It's my money. She's not giving me money.

She's getting some of my money to give to me. You are such a child. She's not writing a check from from her my dad's personal account but she's going to get my money for me the gift to me i just she knows get me my money woman i just send her the gift money please she replies how much that's what you need yeah yeah see that's i mean she doesn't care at all because it's my money right but like it's still nice to have that layer of guilt where i'm like i'll see if i can just get by and like

leave my savings intact and i was like mom i got a bachelor party this weekend money please i'm sure she loves it because she you know that's probably like the only you know she wants to talk to her son and hear from him it's like if all i can get is a text asking for money, then like a – No, I talk to my mom like every day. She doesn't need to do that for me. What, when you call her from the car? While walking home, yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm just saying moms, like they'll take –

they want to hear from you in all ways, shapes, and forms. So if it's just asking for my money because you're my banker, so be it. Bottom line is it's just – I feel like Homer Simpson at times. You know when Homer is like there's only so many things in your brain that you can hold at once? He's like, remember that time I learned how to make wine and I forgot how to drive? It's like one new thing comes in, another thing comes out. I'm just juggling too many balls here. I can't remember the call, the refrigerator repairman.

It's just not an important thing. I have to record two quickies, two rants. I had to do an interview. I got radio. I got a happy hour podcast. See, you just said we don't do a lot. We do a fucking lot. All of that was just talking. That's all. Yeah, but do you know how hard it is to talk? Most people get to

go to work and they just sit there and stare at their computer all day. Yeah, we just talk. It's very enough. And then I get home, and I take care of fucking two humans. There's a lot going on that I cannot remember to call the locksmith. I can't remember to reply to Paul's emails. I can't even remember. I can't remember, John.

I just don't remember to reply to Paul's emails. Check my email. I'm not at my desk anymore. I don't go on a computer anymore. I don't use a computer anymore. I don't check my reply to Paul's email. Check my email. I'm not at my desk anymore. I don't go on a computer anymore. I don't use a computer anymore. I don't check my email. That's it. You can't contact me via email anymore.

And Noah, I've extended that to texting. There are three texts in my current rotation that don't have the little moon next to it. Yeah. So they don't... The uh the little moon next to it yeah so like i so like they don't the moon the you know like i put your checks on moon it's i have the it's like it's just notifications off i don't get noise i don't get pop up i don't get anything it's the kfc radio crew it's one of my group friends and that might be it which i have two group two things that i get a notification on at all of any text. And then I'll go check my messages when I feel like it. But ultimately, here's what sucks about this lifestyle that we lead.

I don't want to be known as an unreliable guy. This is the biggest part. I don't want to be that guy. Yeah. But it's just, it's fighting. It's kind of like what we talked about with the little kid that we have to contain within us. I don't want to be the guy who's like, let's just go to the bar. I don't want to be the guy who forgets to do shit.

This is just who I am. Don't want to be me, but I'm me. Right. And yeah, I would like to change, but I mean, babe, I can't. I'm talking again about trying to call the refrigerator guy. I can't even do that. You think I'm going to make wholesale changes to myself and my existence? I can't even do that you think i'm gonna make wholesale changes to myself and my existence i got yeah i can't even pick up the phone you think i'm gonna like

introspectively reevaluate everything i do and put steps forward to change my life let's be serious every single problem in my life every single issue every single thing that i i haven't done it's only because of me it's's my fault entirely. And I still can't do anything about it. And I'll just keep running. Being unreliable really sucks. I would love to be known as the guy like, yo, you need something done? Go to Kevin.

He's a fucking rock. Solid as a rock. He will get it done for you. He knows the guy. He knows the answer. If you ask him to do something at five o'clock he'll be there at five on the dot and like i'll probably just forget yeah i want to it's not that i'm like a selfish asshole it's not that i don't want to get these chores done or these uh these i i do want to help you out i will probably just forget and and it goes to like uh you know when when your girl's like

were you are you not even listening to me like i was it's not like a it's like i was it's not like i was sitting there like i don't fucking care what you're saying it's like i tried to internalize it it fell out i dropped it dropped out of my brain i didn't mean to this is who we are i think what we are is children I think what we're describing is children It's children but it's also I don't want I'm trying to start Building ourselves up a little bit Because we do say all the time

We don't care We do say We do care And we do a lot And I think that I have like 7,000 emails I just stopped I just gave up on the emails there's too many of them i just it's and that's what the texting is it's like constant like people

talking to you all the time it's like look i tried but you are you you know what it is kev people take advantage of us oh buddy because we reply to too. Because we reply to too many texts. We reply to too many emails. We dug ourselves a hole and people didn't relent. Wow. You get too many people texting you and you want to reply to. You get too many people talking on the phone you want to reply to. It's too much.

Okay. I'm with it. I thought about it for a second. I was going to push back on that. Nope. You're right. We make ourselves too available. We are too gracious. We are too generous. That's what it is. We are too friendly.

And we pay the consequences of that. I agree. Actually, I kind of do seriously agree with that. Where it's like, you know, like in everything in life, this goes back to my early male time mantra days where it's like, you try to be the right the good guy at work, you get fucked. You know, you try to be the guy who just keeps his head down and stays quiet and does his job. Well, you get fucked. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. The guy who's like just loud and obnoxious.

He's going to get the bonus and the raise and he's going to go on vacation and no one's no one's going to say anything. You're going to be the guy who's like, excuse me, can like a day off like no are you fucking lazy if you if you open yourself up make yourself too available and too good you will get fucked speaking of that guy asking i meant to bring this up with gary the other day when gary was talking about uh see logan i got that text message logan just texted the ksc radio group. I got to pop up on that one. With Dave, one time, probably I was like 24, 25, working at Barstool for about four or five years. And I asked Dave, I said, hey, can I get a Thursday and Friday off? I'm going on vacation with my friends.

First time ever. And he said, your friends are going on vacation? Yeah, they're already done. Their careers are over. Never asked again. I mean, but what you should have done. Went on vacation to Portugal last week. Didn't fucking ask anybody.

Just got on a goddamn plane. Just go. And it's like, where's John? He's out in another country. Check his Instagram. All right. Looks like the Azores or a Corace or something. I don't know how to pronounce it, but it appears to be where he is. Ozarks, I called it.

Bottom line, do whatever you want and no one's going to make you do what you don't want. Bam. Fuck yeah. And that entails buying your flights to Montreal and picking up your laundry within like 12 hours.

I got to go call the refrigerator repairman. I got to go buy that flight.