KFC Radio - Quickie: Barstool Bus

Episode Date: April 20, 2018

KFC, Feit, and Kmarko on a bus to Queens for the #BarstoolAwards #VivaLaDunkinYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Check, check, check. Check, check, check, check, check. One, two, one, two, three, check. Check, check, check. Is my mic on? Check, one, two.

Check, check, check, check. One, check, check, check. One, two, three, four. I am checking my microphone. I'm not very good at this. We're on our way to Dunkin' Donuts. It's going to take forever. Keep going. This is crazy.

It's going to be loud on this bus, but that's okay, because we are professional podcasters. We're good at talking. Speak for yourself. We know how to do this. We know how to do this. We know how to do this, so we are going to make sure, no matter how loud this bus is,

that we fucking do it. Alright, it's a KFC Radio Quickie coming to you live from the Barstool bus. We are on our way to a Dunkin' Donuts in Queens for the first ever Barstool Sports Awards. Because there are no Dunkin' Donuts in Manhattan. So there are 55,000 Dunkin' Donuts. I'm literally looking are 55,000 Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm literally looking at one as we drive by. We actually are. Connected to a Baskin-Robbins. That one's no good. That one's no good. So for some reason, we needed to go to one in Queens. That is 90 minutes away in rush hour traffic. So how do you transport 100 idiots to Queens?

You get a bus. This is the first. This is basically, in my mind. It's a solid bus. It's like a hockey bus. It's like we used to travel on hockey buses. So we've all traveled before. We've done the RV before. We've gone on road trips and business trips. But this is like a field trip. This is a barstool field trip.

Yeah, it feels a little uncomfortable. I feel like you need to get a handjob in the back of this bus. Francis is taking pictures of us. Oh, he's doing a hell of a job. He's a helpful guy. He's wearing sharp pants today, too. I'm trying to grow my social media presence. I asked him to take some pictures. Oh, he's doing a hell of a job. He's a helpful guy. He's wearing sharp pants today, too. I'm trying to grow my social media presence. I asked him to take some pictures. Oh, you did?

Okay. All right. Okay. He's so bad at this. Thank you, Francis. So, right as soon as we got on the bus, Keith said to us, are we going to be front of the bus guys or back of the bus guys? Like, come on, bro.

We're back of the bus kids. Well, I thought, I don't know. When you become an adult, I don't know if you translate to the front. Oh, I'm not an adult yet. I sit in the very back seat and you know the bumps that they have and then you wait for a bump

and then you fly up and you fly. So I'm planning on doing that. Rosa Parks, she didn't know what she was missing. The back of the bus, the back of the bus is where the action's at.

Francis wants a microphone so bad. Like a field trip, an elementary school field trip. Where do the songs start? Back here. Yeah, man. Where do kids get locked

in the bathroom? Back here exclusively. There's only nowhere else to lock in the bathroom. Where do you catch a quick handy? Back of the bus. On trips when we used to come home from games, and the liquor bottle would always start at the back and work its way back.

And it gets a few rows away from coach and starts working its way back. The cool kid on my bus would sit in the very back seat with his girlfriend and put his windbreaker over his lap, and she'd give him a blowjob. I was so traumatized. That was way too early for me to be seen. I just sat there staring straight ahead like, oh, my God. In fact, ski club, when I was in middle school,

ski club is what I learned in the very back seat of the bus. It used to be a triple back in the day. That's where I learned what masturbating was. I was sixth grade, and the eighth grade boys taught me, like, dude, you don't jerk off? I was like, no, I don't know what you're talking about. And they're like, tonight, go home and just, like, play with your dick. Just grab your dick and rub it up and down.

It's like, whoa, my word. It's going to puke on you. Dude, the cool snowboarders told me this was cool, so I'm going to do it. So that was the first time. No, the second time John was molested. The first time being his babysitter when he was, like, eight years old. Did you jerk off with him on the bus? No, I didn't jerk off with him. I just asked him.

There is so much traffic. We are never going to get to Queens. So... Do you think Francis will keep talking without a microphone? The first time we've ever done this. We got Liz Gonzalez drinking straight wine out of the bottle. We got beer being passed around.

We got whiskey being passed around. It's quite the scene. Dave is on the bus. I thought Dave would be taking a helicopter to Queens, but he has decided to slum it with the rest of us. So this is, like I said, the first ever Barstool Field Trip. Feidelberg is wearing an ascot tie, which is maybe the most ridiculous thing he's ever worn.

It looks good, though. He pulls it off. Don't even say it looks good. I don't even know what it looks like. It looks good. I will say, while we're on the. It looks... I don't even know what it looks like. It looks good. I will say, while we're on the topic of Dave, Dave came out and he gave a compliment, which you don't hear rarely.

He said, you guys look good. But he followed it up with, my suit's more expensive. And then he walked away. So that was our interaction. He's got like baby blue, different shades of baby blue with the bow tie. He wore it for Sloan from Entourage during his pizza review today.

She seemed to like it. So you definitely know he's coming in confident. You know he's going to play the bow tie. He wore it for Sloan from Entourage during his pizza review today. She seemed to like it. So you definitely know he's coming in confident. You know he's going to play the money card. His suit's probably more than all of our suits combined. That's okay. Probably not, but also that's okay. I don't care if it is. I mean, he looks good in it. Dave looks good. I look very good.

You're very proud of your ass guy. Kevin's got the tux on. He ran around all of Manhattan looking for that assot. I know. With the four different Brooks brothers. He left at like 1 p.m. Like, I got to go get an ascot. He came in and asked me if I had any deodorant because he'd been running around the city. Oh, if John's wearing deodorant, you know he was working up a lather.

Yeah, I was really sweaty. The only thing I'll say that's a little disappointing for the three of us is every single person on this bus is wearing a Navy suit. And we're blending in a little bit. I got the black lapel on my tux. I'm hoping that differentiates me a little bit for the red carpet. But bottom line is everybody here is a Navy blue. I had my gray suit out, and I was like, the Barstool guys, they're all going to wear gray, so let me go Navy.

And I walk in, and like, office manager Brent. You all went Navy. Fucking Nate. Nate's wearing all Navy. I was like, God damn it. You know what? Like, me, the three of us wearing the same suit, I'm okay with it. You see Nate and Brett wearing it.

It's like, oh, fuck. It's much like the state liberty jacket. I'll tell you one thing. Brett, I'll get his back on this. Brett looks good. Everyone always says, oh, Brett's wearing this. Maybe at some point he's going to acknowledge Brett has a good sense of style. Yeah, no, but it's a status thing.

It's office manager Brett. He's an idiot. Okay, okay. You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, I dress like an idiot. The people that tried look very good yeah then there's like the jokes there's like trent's wearing an iowa t-shirt and coley's wearing his red bottoms and yp's got no shirt on i thought about going all quilted and just being like i'm wearing my own line to my own red carpet event decided to class it up we'll see how the red carpet goes, and

then tonight will be the awards. This is our first ever Barstool Sports Awards show. Categories range from serious stuff, such as best new artist, best new blogger, best new employee, all the way down to silly shit like sexiest scene,

meaning like when Trent got his ass whacked by the fucking by page sporadic when riggs was wearing a thong in the in the lake when smitty was in the shower in minnesota so some serious awards some funny awards uh keith you blogged the categories and the nominees yeah this is kind of your thing you do with the oscars you do with all the awards have you handicapped tonight? Do you have any expectations? Well, I knew they sent me the list with the winners attached to it.

So I couldn't. I gave predictions. I got some wrong, just to keep it honest. Got it. So if you read the blog, well, I guess they won't hear this until afterwards, so I don't have to say that. Were you surprised by, did you agree with all the awards? No.

I didn't agree with all of them. One, a lot of them were obvious The biggest hit of the year Or whatever, something like biggest Like punch or whatever, that's an obvious one I think it was Sports Moment No, there's Sports Moment and there's biggest like Oh, there's both, okay

Whatever I'm thinking of, I forget the category But it's obvious who wins If it's not Nate bodying YP Then we'll have a problem. I will fucking riot. But it was a great trip down memory lane. I was looking, like, for sportsman, I was watching, like, Hank's,

the gif of Hank knocking Tex out, Tex knocking Hank down, Coley jumping for the vertical and falling down with his ass vertigo. You fat idiot. Hey, Coley, you're a big fat idiot. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about you. Hey, remember that time you jumped and fell? Hey, Coley, look up a big, fat idiot. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about you.

Hey, remember that time you jumped and fell? Hey, Coley, look up. Look at this guy. Coley's T-shirt he's wearing is $375. He's got the Louboutin shoes on, too. He's bringing the noise. And sitting to my right here is a big-time, you are going to be a big-time part of the Barstool Awards show tonight.

I believe you're nominated for several categories. I'm nominated for a ton of things. Don't win one of them. I'll tell you what, very excited to see what happens. No spoilers, but you don't win any of them. So, okay, I knew that already. I just wanted to play it cool. But he's right.

I don't know why I'm on the bus still. I should be home. I'm not winning anything. We got nominated a bunch. It's a good honor. Did you write a speech for the award that you're not going to win? I think what I'm going to do is I'm just going to go up and take the mic anyway because

I'm a live performer. That's what I do. That's where I live. That's my home. Very excited to speak when I'm not supposed to and ruin the entire event for Dunkin' Donuts. We need a little Kanye West with Taylor Swift sort of thing.

Who will do that? I made one of the best videos of all time! Did you see my George Brett video? Let me look at the category. I'm not finished! My cancer song so uh we've got um rattle off some of the other categories here for they're all video based awards right so uh best new band and single we've got best foreign film we've got we've got best educational film we've got got best and worst sports performances, we said. We've got sexiest scene, we said. We've got

best supporting actor, best TV sitcom. We had a show on TV. People forget that. We had two. Yeah. So we, I mean, this is going to be a full-blown award show. Go-Getters of the Year

presented by Duncan Go-To's. People at Duncan love those. Do you love Go-To's. Viva La Dunkin'. Love those. Do you love Go-To's? It's just miles and miles and miles away. We are like five blocks from the office. No, we're not even. We're not even five blocks from the office. We're like three.

My favorite award, I didn't pick it because I thought it was too mean, but between us, the Smitty Show That Almost Got Greenlit Award. What are the options for that one? Swipe drunk love, game time, drive time, anything he does. We also did... That was the meanest shit today where Dave just said he doesn't even open his email.

He said his emails are so worthless to him that he just doesn't even open them anymore. Did he email? Yeah. He said Dave just does't even open them anymore. Did he even? Yeah. He said Dave just does not even open them anymore. I mean, I don't know what to say. We've got Biggest Villain as the last one, and there is no winner for it, so I don't know who wins that. So that's Sam Ponder, John Skipper.

Sarah Spain, Ellica, Baked Alaska, Cyclist, Jay Hammy. My biggest pity is that he decided to get hurt right before the summer. That's actually genius, though. I'm going to have the surgery right before the summer. I can just stay home and go to Avalon all summer. If he actually had the surgery. We got some truth to that here. Also, this is a surgery Kevin and I have had.

It's not that hard. No, yeah. You just have to swing. Mine was a slap tear. It was a labrum surgery. It's not fun, but it's not going to end your life. I think I was... I had the surgery on Saturday and I was in class

on Wednesday. I believe his email to Dave that Dave did not read said something to the effect of it's just too risky for me to come in. Like, what is that even? What's the risk? And also... Oh, you didn't know we hired Terry Tate? He's acting like he's a fucking steel worker. We're not steel workers.

We don't fucking cut steel. We fucking sit in an office. You play video games 90% of your life. Well, Keith told us that he said it's tough for him to type on the keyboard because of it. He told me he said he'd be out blogging for a while because he couldn't do that motion typing. It is hard. I believe it. But here's the thing.

If you work in a shitty office or, like Lou just said, you're a steel worker, yeah, you want to milk this for all it's worth. If you just play video games at your office, what's the difference between staying home and going to work? What are you doing? Well, he got shoulder surgery. He can't move it. He's in pain.

He declined the painkillers. He told me that. Oh, wow. That's a big mistake. Yeah, so he really sucks at getting surgery. What an idiot. Declined the painkillers? Yeah, he said he didn't want them.

The fuck is he like the dude in Only the Brave? Were you a fucking recovering addict? Get the fucking painkillers. Give them to people if you don't want them. Jesus Christ. His office is dying for him. Come on. Lou's face when I said that just sunk.

Oh, man. We're now 20 feet from the office. We've been on the bus for half an hour. Daringly bad idea to have to go to Queens for this. So real quick, what's your guys' pick for best villains? Because it's up in the air right now. Best villain? Well, this depends.

I think the favorite is probably Rappaport. Is Dave the decider? I'm not sure. Dave is the entire... It's Ellica. Dave decided everything all the time. It will be Ellica then. There's a list of 12. Oh, okay. So I believe Rappaport's the frontrunner. My personal is Sammer from Deadspin. That's my number one. That's almost like we need to give him a

lifetime award, like a lifetime achievement award for being a dickhead. And I don't want to mention... He's like Kobe MVP. Yes, right. I know I just did, but I also don't want to mention his name at these awards, so I hope he doesn't win. I'm fine with Rob Ford. I'm fine with Sam Ponder.

I don't really feel hate for her. Is that Smitty's award for him? On his behalf, representing Philly? I'm just going to be like... I don't even know what I'd say. I'd be like, yeah, dude, kind of carrying I don't even know what I'd say, but like, yeah, dude,

like, kind of carrying you all the time. And he like, Moe carried you, now me. He'd get so mad if I said that. Yeah, you just said it. No one's going to hear this.

Don't worry, no one's going to hear this one. I, my vote for villain, I, I think it will be, I think it will be Sam Ponder. Mine is without a doubt Rappaport.

I don't think people understand how much I hated Michael Rappaport. No, you're personal. I mean, I would pick Rappaport for sure. I couldn't be at my desk when he came over to talk to Keith about stuff. I had to get up and leave when he talked to somebody. I couldn't be next to him. Once he went personal, I mean, I fucking hate the guy. But I think in terms of a Barstool perspective,

Sam Ponder caused the biggest controversy of the year at Barstool Sports. I mean, she won. She won. She won, yeah. She won that battle. I'll tell you what, I kind of respect Sam. I mean, she held a grudge. She served it cold.

I don't like Sam. I never liked Sam. I was never a Sam fan, obviously. But you respect the move. You do something like that, I gotta go, girl. I remember the apartment I lived in when I wrote that blog. And when Dave put the editor's note, my blog actually wasn't that bad. It was Dave's editor's note, which I think attributed to me.

Holy shit, that's the office. Yes. Yes. We literally went around the corner. Oh, my God. We literally went around the corner. We've been recording for 15 minutes. This is Cafe 28.

Holy shit. The, I, but I remember the apartment I was've been recording for 15 minutes. This is Cafe 28. Holy shit. I remember the apartment I was sitting in when I did that. That was like five apartments ago. You've been to that one. I lived in it with Sean. She had that one on the refrigerator at home, on the bulletin board.

She was waiting. And she waited until these guys had everything on the line. Look, another Dunkin' Donuts. Let's go to that one right now. That one's no good. Let's just get off the bus right now and go to that one. That one's no good. We could save two hours. We could do that.

That one's no good. No good. No, no. That one is not good. So we'll leave it here. We're going to get back. John will get his handjob in the back. We'll do some bus shenanigans.

I'm just masturbating. And then we'll come back to you after the award show to recap the winners and the losers and talk about how Francis got completely shut out of the Barstool Awards. We'll be back for half, the second half, after this. Alright, part two of the KC Radio Quickie. This is the Barstool Awards show

after party. We are raging on the bus right now. This is a fucking party. This is crazy. People are doing blow in the bathroom. I think someone's having sex. We've been to a lot of after parties at Barstool. This is the one. This is the cake. I don't know.

That one where Sean pushed a stripper off his lap. Sean just pushed a girl off his lap to talk into the mic. The raging cocaine abuse from Sean might take the cake. Cut that. It's a different Sean. A different Sean. Reality, we're sitting alone in the back of a coach bus

with hockey bags probably stuffed up above. Everyone's asleep. Bathroom door slings open. Everyone's asleep. Someone's in the bathroom. Keep down your toes. It's a somber mood

because of the award show. I don't know why it's so somber. It was a very fun award show. Well, because people went, I mean, we just had the time of our fucking life at the Barcelona Award Show. Laughing is exhausting. No gas. It was really a very, very well done show. Very funny. Production was A+. Well, the production wasn't A+.

Well, no, I mean, once it got rolling. The production was an F- at first for an extra hour while we just sat there in a Dunkin' Donuts. Let me tell you what I had. I had two Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers and four nuggets because we were across the street from Wendy's. I then proceeded to have four donuts and I had a chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream waffle cone

in which the guy said... You ate all that just now? Yeah. He said, how many scoops? And I was like, just give me one. And the other girl goes, just fill it up. And he filled the whole fucking big cone. It was a disgusting night for you. That sounds like a nice dinner dinner let me tell you what i had for dinner because you guys got our first and uh earpiece brett merriman held me on the bus for 45 minutes later so i saw you guys walk out of wendy's with your with your meals i was standing on the bus waiting on the red carpet

i ate a strawberry frosted donut a vanilla frosted donut and half a bag of hash browns for dinner hey and the donuts were still what you half a bag of hash browns for dinner. Hey, I don't see what you're complaining about. Those hash browns are phenomenal. Shout out to Dunkin'. The hash browns are as good as it gets. That's no doubt. So the awards were... What are the highlights of the night?

Let's see. Nate cleaned up. Nate walked away with multiple go-tos. He did a good job. A lot of hardware, including what I think was probably the most prestigious of all the awards, the biggest hit, because we got a lot of alpha males running around this office.

YP stood up to accept the award. YP's pretending he's not listening. One of the more ridiculous moves I've ever seen. YP, why did you stand up to accept the award of you getting trucked? It's funny that you ask that, Keith, because you told me this morning that I won that award as well. So I wonder where that thought came from. I told you on the bus ride here, so that was an hour before. It was at your desk. We can pull the footage

if you want to. You got to be careful with that, because he does pull footage. Because I remember, he said, no, you and Nate won. So me and Nate, I was like, what are we going to say? We had this little thing planned out. You know what happens. You know you get fucking dominated, so why would you think that you get to accept the award? You got absolutely bodied then and now.

I thought it would be a funny dynamic to have the two guys involved in a pretty notorious hit. And I thought it might be funny to stand together and give like a united speech. Do you think that perhaps maybe you were trying to

spin zone this and make yourself not look like you got absolutely clowned by Eric? Maybe. Would you say a little bit of fraud scenes? Maybe a little fraud scenes? Perhaps.

What? When I pulled the footage and it was this morning? Which one was fraud scenes? Or are you getting fraud scenes? Let me ask? When I pulled the footage and it was this morning? Which one was fraud scenes? Or are you getting fraud scenes? Let me ask you, in other fights, does Conor McGregor accept an award on behalf of the fight when he got his ass kicked by Floyd Mayweather? If it was a fight of the year or something, yeah, I think they'd both go up. I'll tell you what, YPS, that look in his eyes when he walked out of there, he's not in the mood for us to fuck around.

No, no, no, listen. I think a Duncan Go-To Award is about the most prestigious thing in the world. It's trying to do anything I could to get my hands on one. I respect that hustle. Just like a real Go-To, I'd go to any lengths to get one, so that's all it was. Well, you had a shot to get up there. I was not nominated for anything, so congrats to you. Well, you know, neither me or you do videos, so...

I don't think anyone on this podcast without it for anything. Yeah, well, we don't make any videos. I mean, what has Kevin done on video? We don't make any videos, John, so we can't do that. It was, yeah, we basically. Wait, we need Francis up here or back here. I don't want to talk about it. Come here, Francis.

I got stunk. He says I got stunk. Come on, you got to come give a comment. Oh, boy. I got skunked. He says I got skunked. You got to come give a comment. Francis was nominated for 35 awards. He went over. Give me your thoughts. Well, you know what?

Look, when I was at Harvard. And now it's Francis. I love saying that. I just gotta say it whenever I can. When I was there, if you had told me that I'd be at an awards show at a Dunkin' Donuts in Queens

getting nominated for hundreds of awards, but not getting any of them, I would have said, you're a fibber. You know? I would have called. I would have said, you're a fibber. I would have called. I would have said, that's a tall tale. You're telling tales out of school. But it's true. That's what happened.

That's who I am now. And I'm feeling good. I still got Frankie. Still got him tonight. And life is good. So thank you very much. Francis Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Francis Ellis.

And he's really still pushing this thing where he's going to fuck Frankie. And it's just so special. It went from joke to still pushing this thing where he's going to fuck Frankie, and it's just so special. It went from joke to like... Did you see his video tonight? What? Did you see his Instagram video tonight? Oh, I took a behind-the-scenes video of him setting it up. Oh, Jesus.

It's Frankie getting into character, and Francis actually wanting to fuck him behind the scenes the entire time. Did you hear about what Mrs. Borelli said about you? I heard she wants me to come to dinner, and I entire time. Did you hear about what Mrs. Borelli said about you? I heard she wants me to come to dinner, and I'll be honest, that's a big step. But I'm in. I'm absolutely in. The exact phrase, too, is that she prays for you every day.

She said that she pulled up your blog where you wanted to fuck Frankie, and Frankie was like, nah, that's not for you. Like, don't read it. And she was like, I read it anyway. I pray for him. Yeah, I mean, look, we get on our knees every day, too, that's not for you. Like, don't read it. And she was like, I read it anyway. I pray for him. Yeah, I mean, look, we get on our knees every day, too, but we don't pray. We do not pray. That's not what we do on our knees. It's oral.

That's what it is. To be fair, he didn't say he wanted to fuck Frankie. He said he wanted to butter up his butt cheeks and slide in between. With margarine. Not even real butter. Not even real butter. Not even real butter. Big butter. Margarine.

I'm going to slide in between the margarine. I believe it's not in yet. Oh, boy. What else do we have? So we debated who would be the biggest villain, and pretty much exactly what we said came to fruition, where Dave pulled the executive order that it was Ellica, no matter what anybody else said.

He was right. Do we know who put Samer on the thing? So we pulled the card, and technically it said that the biggest villain of the year was Samer. Dave said, no, fuck that. It's Elika. I sat on the bus right here. My pick was Samer, but I didn't want to

say his name out loud. Right. And then we talked about him. I don't want him to get the shine. I mean, I still just can't believe it's not Sam Palmer. I just have a question. What's up? Has anyone heard Sammer speak? Like, are we getting... We're probably going to get in trouble for that one, right?

Are we crossing the line there? I also... So we had a little... We had a Millmore cartoon for Sammer to accept the award that he didn't actually win, and it was very Apu-ish. Not only is that a little bit, you know, whatever, but we had some... Hot on the streets right now. We had some Dunkin' Donuts employees behind the

counter as well that I was a little concerned about being like, this looks like some blatant racism towards any people. I'm going to admit something on your podcast. I specifically did not laugh on camera. I heard you whispering that behind me. I don't think you whispered it to me, but I heard you say it. I did not laugh on camera because that footage can be played back

of me laughing at this very questionable cartoon. I covered my mouth really hard. I had my whole head, because I heard you. I don't think you were telling it to me. I also feel like, but I kind of gave, I don't want to call it a pity laugh, because it was funny, but some people were confused, and I feel like we needed to make some noise and laugh a little bit. So I was throwing out the laughs, and now I feel like I'm going to be on camera laughing at the blatantly racist Indian joke. Yeah, we'll cut

this part. Nate wins Best Educational, which landslide victory there. He had a full speech that he actually pulled out of his pocket, which is a power move. And we've got police activity, folks. We've got police activity. Are you getting pulled over?

I wish. Nate, you want to come back here and talk about your awards? Come on back, fella. Nate. You cleaned up. Yeah, I know. I believe you walked out of there with how many? Two or three?

Two and snubbed for one. Which was your snub? The Flying 69. Should have won sexiest. Oh, I agree. But, I mean, Riggs' dong looked great in that tuxedo. Not tuxedo, in the Speedo. Speedo?

It's Riggs. You got a big dick, bro. Yeah, we got to talk to Riggs after that looked great in that tuxedo. In the Speedo. The Speedo? It's Riggs. You got a big dick, bro. Yeah, we got to talk to Riggs after that, too, because I tried to interrupt him during his speech. To talk about his dick? I tried to talk about a couple different things. There's a few things to talk about there. However, I mean, you picking up the most famous porn star of all time with her vagina in your face was probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, my nose was, like, halfway in there.

You got a good whiff. You got a good whiff. I've seen the footage a handful of times. It was, I mean, you saw, you know, you know me. I'm your biggest supporter. In that moment, I was behind you cheering like it was happening to me. It was the happiest moment of your life. It was incredible.

So I won for best hit on Young Page's use. Bodied him. Bodied him, killed him, murdered him. What did you think about when he tried to accept your award on your behalf? So I was okay with it for a second. Like maybe he'd get one, I'd get one. But when Dave told him to fuck off, I was like, yeah, you should probably fuck off. And then what was my other award?

Best educational. Oh, best education. Adam Seabest, my whiteboard. I mean, that's just an all-time. I actually think that you're... Now, that was the OG. I think your second whiteboard might be funnier. The second one, which was...

I'm blanking on everything. I think it was Rappaport. Oh, yeah, the mother of... Yeah, I mean, both of those are really, really good. I probably could have won for both, if we're being completely honest. But I'll take the one for the OG OG, and then I'll take one for Killing YP, and I'll allow Riggs to take one for Sexiest Dick.

What a guy. Company guy. Great award show tonight. I think everything went flawlessly besides Pete and I can't wait to do it again next year. Rough night for Pete.

Rough night for Pete. Riggs, are you around here, Riggs? You want to step in and talk about your giant dick? Talk about your huge cock, please. That wasn't what I was going to bring up. But we can talk about both. Well, you're going to be ugly and I was going to bring up, but we can talk about both.

Well, you're going to be ugly, and I'm going to be nice. We'll play a good cop. What's going on here? You won for sexiest award. You won it for your Glenny Balls and you Chippendale strip dance, strip tease, which was electric. It also happened about three and a half years ago. We broke some rules

there to get it nominated. I appreciate that. However, I really feel like this was almost they kind of gave you the correct award for the wrong video because your Paige Sporanek thong bet, you were running around. That was a real

ass thong. Let me say this. The Paige Sporanek one, you looked a little chubbier. I addressed this with you. Yeah. Right? And look, I put on pounds, too. I'm not judging here.

But sexier, the Paige Spirinik one as well. Thank you. I will say, like, the highlight of my career was that after I did the thong thing, I got out and Paige was like, you looked way better than I thought you would look. Yeah. That's great. Thank you. I don't know.

With her fiancee, like, standing right next to her. Was that a... You guys a model. Who's literally the, you know, well, we don't got to get into that. Yeah, was that all natural? We don't need a rag doll. You know, we don't need a rag doll. We don't have to go into that whole stuff.

Was that all natural? I'm saying, look, I'm saying, if you're in a Speedo, the guy's fully dressed, and you're going, hey, you're looking pretty good. And you say, hey, fucking, hey, nice jawline, pussy. Look at my dick line. I'm in the Speedo what's up well look if you think that i didn't like bring some sort of sock when you're yeah was it a sock i was gonna

say what did you what did you use is what was gonna be my question just a good old tube sock i'll tell you what i'm a guy who believes in movie magic and i i never thought anything yeah that's just rigs his dick yeah i mean you know that's just it was in a speedo his rigs in a speedo that's all you need to know the The Marvel Avengers don't use a green screen. Rigs doesn't use a sock. No, no, of course. But, man, that feels like, these videos, I will say that, they feel like they were, like, ten years ago.

All of these videos. Well, a couple of them might have been. But, yeah, I mean, at this point, once we move to New York, everything just becomes, like, I feel like the Mets went to the World Series, like, a minute ago. Like, 2015. Oh, I feel like they went 15 years ago. All these years, really?

Because to me, it's, you know what, Some days it feels like you've been here forever. Other days it feels like you've been here forever and you want to kill yourself. Congratulations on your win, Ricky. Thank you, Joe. Thank you for having me. Of course. And, I mean, I believe we'll wrap it up there, right? Any other highlights to hit upon at the Barstool Award show?

I mean, Keith got car sick. Yeah, Keith's a little bitch boy. That's such a Jewish move. Oh, let me just... What the fuck? Jesus Christ. No, that's a big time Jew move.

Wow. I was going to say you guys finish the show without me, but that was fucking... I don't like... Like, who gets carsick? Jews.

Wow. I do, too. Oh, and Mexicans. Wow. Jews and the Mexicans. And Francis, the fucking Aryan race over here.

Wait, Jews get carsick? What are you talking about? I don't get carsick. What the fuck was that? Jews are defensive. Yeah, Jews get carsick? What are you talking about? I don't get carsick. What the fuck was that? Defensive. Yeah, defensive, super Jew move. Listen, I don't need to ride in a car. We swim across rivers.

We don't ride in a car. Let me say this, too. This was our first... I was gracefully passing my mic along to the stars of the night as I was texting Gaz about work tonight. Jews also work hard. Well, yeah, some of texting Gaz about work tonight. Oh, okay. You guys also work hard. Well, yeah,

some of us have to work after 4.30 p.m. Tell Gaz to not leave the office at noon then. Well, yeah, I didn't include Gaz in that. You said Gaz. I'm texting Gaz.

I was insulting you two. Gaz took the entire day off. And by the way, we're currently working. Our job's just easier than yours. And I'm on this podcast, so I have time. Don't be mad at your career path. It's more difficult than ours.

This was our first real Barstool red carpet. This is more fun than the studio. Than what? This is more fun than the studio. Oh, yeah. We should just do moving. Oh, that's been the move. That's what we've wanted to do for a while, just keep it mobile.

But my friend here, John Henry Feidelberg, was soaking in that red carpet. And if you watch, if you play back his clip. Oh, let's talk about Camille's tweet. Did you see that? No, what did she say? Camille tweeted. Oh, boy. John just gave me the eyebrows.

Camille's friend texted her Like John Butterberg Is on the step In her pee right now All caps I'm What did she say She's like I'm wet right now

Basically I'm wet right now I can't possibly remember You know word for word She basically said I'm wet right now I can look it up I really don't John

What was it Holy shit Alright I'll check it I'll look up my fucking We did it with Camille And she said that Every time she comes to

Barstool, her friends are like, oh, go Feidelberg. And what was the tweet? Yeah, bullshit. And Camille tweeted... All right. Camille said,

when John tells me there's no way any of my girlfriends have the hots for him, emoji face rolling eyes. Please see the current text I just opened. Eyes, eyes, emoji. And the text is

Camille, all caps, all caps, John Feidelberg, on a step and repeat in a suit is killing me, RN, right now. I'm not okay. Everything was all caps. Do you think it's maybe a situation where the girl was confusing me for you again? Is what? Do you think it was a situation where the girl was confusing you for me?

Oh, you motherfucker! No, it definitely wasn't because John was, I mean, he was in his element. The hands were moving. I'm actually surprised it wasn't. He had an ascot. Perhaps. Do we know that it was a girl who texted Camille because you were putting out some vibes tonight? It could have been anybody.

I'm like, an ascot? Picking chicks is for poofs. If you wear an ascot, you fuck a chick, you get your shit. Well, great red carpet appearance. Congrats to all the winners. Congrats to all the winners. You're welcome. We'll see you next year.

Congrats, Nate. Congrats, Francis. Oh, wait. Hold on. Francis didn't win. Francis, you win. Whoops. Hey, there's always next year to get snubbed 35 times.

I take that back. Congrats, there's always next year to get snubbed 35 times. I take that back. Congrats, Donnie.