KFC Radio - Quickie: Beta Men

Episode Date: May 9, 2018

Science says that women prefer Alpha Men and science is wrongYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, it's a KFC Radio quickie, courtesy of the New York Post. Saw a headline that jumped right at us. Everybody's sending it to us left and right, tagging us on Twitter. It's, uh, sorry beta men, women just aren't that into you. Written by a chick, too, Lauren Stussy. So it says, uh, beta men, chicks just don't like them.

The findings use data from about 600 straight white women. Fairy. That throws it off right there because black chicks love me. Black chicks love them a sassy white boy. Okay? Let me tell you that much. Black chicks. I don't even fucking like white women anyway.

White women fucking suck. Fuck you guys. It's over for white chicks. Over. Bitch, I'm not trying to be Satan Kelly and Conway in 30 years. Get the fuck out of here. Give me like Gabrielle Union. That bitch is like 60.

Fucking hot as shit still. White chicks, man. They talked about how everyone used to say white girls are evolving because they started to get asses. And now they're like devolving. It's over for you white girls. It was like a fucking promise they made with the devil where it's like time to pay the piper. Like a football player gets CTE who's like, look, I'll be I'll be ripping when I'm 20 and 30. I'll be fucking 45.

I'm done. I'm going to my chest. Yeah. That's what we did. Like, I'll give me an ass right now. I'll age like a cake in the rain. Once I hit fucking once I hit menopause cake in the rain. Oh, my God.

That's great, dude. That is exactly what happened for white chicks. It's just like you better you better capitalize on your prime on prime because you are, you're like an NFL running back. You're just going to go hot and heavy, real hard for a few years, and then you are fucking done. But white women who are pretty much exclusively our podcast demographic at this point. Shout out to you girls. Still love you, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Still love you, baby. Like, listen, you're prime. You still do dominate. Yeah. I'm just saying. Like, just know that, like, the Gabrielle Unions of the world are. And I really just, there is something to the black women and the sassy white beta man where it's like, if you're ever at, like, a bar or, like, a wedding or somewhere where you can, like, basically clown around if you're a beta boy and you can clown around with, like, a sassy black chick, it's a very funny scene. It's actually, like, pretty, like, racist in a way. You know what I mean? It's like, we're just making's actually pretty racist in a way.

You know what I mean? It's like we're just making a mockery of this whole thing. You're a big black girl. I'm a little bitch boy white guy, and we're all laughing at each other here. We're both going to just fulfill our stereotypes to the nth degree. Exactly that. Just to please everyone else here. Exactly.

We were just putting on a fucking show for you. The black girl, the white guy, and we're just dancing up our stereotypes. So anyway, 600 white women, straight white women, responded to photos of male faces that had been digitally altered to either have more masculine features or more feminine features. The researchers also tested the women's hormone levels. The ladies generally favored

the more masculine face, which appears to have thicker eyebrows and a narrower face. This was true no matter what her hormone levels were. The results debunked decades of research that found otherwise. The results of 600 women doesn't change decades of research, if you ask me. I also, I mean, so you're telling me for decades that chicks used to like beta men? Yeah, they kept that under wraps pretty quickly.

I was going to say, I didn't know that was a thing. Here's my fact here. They do. Whether or not they're willing to admit it, when it comes down to it, when the cards are on the table, you like a beta dude more than... First of all, since we started this whole beta thing, I've never seen anything trigger people more.

I know, and that's why it's so perfect. It's so fucking perfect. If you're triggered by it, you are one of these fucking alpha dicks. Some dude with a Tom Brady profile pic, and he's like, at handle is like NFL draft expert. It's like, do your fucking pussy.

Shut the fuck up. You're a goddamn loser, bro. You're exactly what we're talking about. You're that worked up because I fucking like myself some show tunes. That's really gonna fucking twist your Joe Boxers into a not fucking loser bitch. Coming in hot.

Yeah, no, I mean, it's I've said it before. It's like when people complain about the crying Jordan meme and you hit them with the crying Jordan at the peak of that. It's the same thing. If you are upset, this shit is not funny. No one finds this funny, bro. I'm not trying to be funny, bitch.

You're what we're making fun of. I'm being dead serious. I'm not making jokes over here. I don't make jokes on this podcast. I speak truths and that's it. You might laugh at them, but I'm just spitting the truth. Right, exactly. So here's the thing.

This study means nothing. Yeah, no, it's not breaking news that chicks like a fucking strong jawline. Yeah. And a dude with like a fucking masculine appearance. The beta life, being a beta boy is more about your demeanor and your personality and your behavior. Like, yeah, you put, you put, uh, you put like, I don't know who's someone with like a chiseled fucking jaw.

Zac Efron. It's always Zac Efron. You put Zac Efron up versus like Frankie Borelli, little bitch boy, feminine feature lesbian. No girl is going to be like, give me Frankie Borelli. Yeah.

Like we know that, but it's, but the beta boy behavior is more about the being comfortable with yourself and being confident in yourself, no matter what your, your likes or dislikes or whatever it may be, no matter what those are, it's the confidence to carry yourself in that demeanor that is attractive to girls. Now I will also say that.

That's what it means. Like to like, like, that's why we've always said, like, I can't pick a girl up at a bar, but like, once you get to know me, then you're like, Oh shit, I do like him. And guess what? Bitch, I'm a beta. But that's where I do think that you can, I wish you guys could see what he's doing uh there is a level of like the alpha the alpha male will like pick that girl up in a bar and fuck her like that does happen a lot like there there are girls who will still absolutely fall for that whole routine

and so the alpha male whatever you want to call it can definitely still get laid but that's not to say that there are chicks out there who are going to be attracted to the beta persona. No. You know what I mean? Like the whole nice guys finish last thing isn't – it's not true or untrue. I finish first almost all the time. it's very like you you can be like the the the douchebag pickup artist alpha type of guy and there will be plenty of girls who still fall for that i it's probably it's probably an age thing it's probably like yeah like you're you're younger and new to this and like you still want like a

college girl probably does yeah and then like the older girl who's like been around the block and been fucked over a couple times or is done with the dog and pony show and the whatever you want to call it, will find the guy who's just like what's up? I don't know. This is what I like. This is what I don't like. You in? You out? I don't really care.

If you're thinking about a beta, I'll just pose these questions to girls. Do you want to hang out with a guy who's going to be like, I need a beer in the game. We're not watching your fucking show. Or are you going to hang out with me and be like, I'll just pose these questions to girls. Like, do you want to hang out with a guy who's going to be like, I need a beer in the game. Like, we're not watching your fucking show. Right. Or are you going to hang out with me and be like, yo, let's pop on The Greatest Showman and let's sing some Afron right now. Let's sing together. Right? Like, you're going to go with

a guy who, like, he has to be behind the wheel at all times, which I actually do. But, like, and when he's behind the wheel, he's got to be listening to fucking rap or heavy metal or something. You want a guy who's going to bang out some Taylor rapper heavy metal something you want guys gonna bang out some taylor swift with yeah pop on a little bieber and maybe we'll do a duet you know i'll sing backup vocals to you i'll eat like i'm not like oh i only eat steaks that i grilled if i

that i cut off an animal i hunted which is a little excessive with the alpha male but like like guys like i go what no like i'll go to some new cuisine restaurant and i'll take an instagram with it and i'll fucking tag you in that Instagram because I'm a gentleman. Fitzball. Or more appropriately in the news today, this week, do you want a guy who's going to eat your pussy or not? Speaking of eating, I mean, listen, you can keep fat boy DJ Khaled and all his alpha bullshit about being a king. I'm king. Guess what I'm going to do?

I'm going to fucking eat your pussy until you come because I can't do it with my dick. And I will be willing to admit that because I'm secure enough. I will eat your pussy for 10 hours straight and you can call me a queen the whole fucking time. I don't give a goddamn shit. Fucking the king. I'll do that. I'll do that, man.

That's the king. Yeah, she gotta do things because she the queen. I'll do whatever they want from the queen. Yo, if I can put my mouth anywhere on you and shit, I'm down, okay? Beggars can't be choosers. I will go down because, again, I will be comfortable enough to admit that the rest of it ain't going to get it done. So I'm going to need, like, you know, it's like I'm going to need extra session.

I'm going to need extra time to get this done. So that's the perfect example of it. It's like, all right, all right, which. I'm going to need extra time to get this done. So that's the perfect example of it. It's like, all right, all right, which girl, what do you think girls want right now? The DJ Khaled alpha male? Who's like, yeah, you have to suck my dick because there's different rules because I put the roof over your head and I don't eat pussy. Or the guy who's like, pop a Jolly Ranch in your pussy, sit on my face, and let's guess what flavor you are, babe. That's what's up. See, that girl who called in was like, my boyfriend got like mad.

She's got herself a little bitch boy alpha. Oh, what are you doing? I don't like this. It's a dude in medical school. You're going to get a yeast infection. I don't give a fuck about a yeast infection. I'll probably still go down on you when you got one of those. I don't give a fuck.

If you have a vagina, I want it in my mouth. That's basically, that's what it is. If that makes me a fucking beta queen, then bring it on. Carry me around and put me in a chair with like beta queen, and I will fucking eat fucking, I won't even eat grapes. I'll eat your pussy like that. That's what I want. That's the new barometer.

It's like, oh, yeah, I'm such a cuck beta gay guy that I like to put my mouth on vaginas. This is where sometimes when you really boil it down and you can break down this whole alpha beta thing into one sentence, it's like you really realize how ridiculous people are being. It's like we are now talking about how it's like not

masculine to eat a girl out. What? She doesn't have a fucking dick, dude. You're not sucking dick, you're eating vagina. How is that gonna be portrayed as anything other than like a dude having sex with a girl? Dude, just wait till these fucking alpha dickholes

learn that we're eating ass now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You eat asshole? Guys have those. Yeah, well, it's on a girl this time. Fucking A. We both got buttholes.

That's gay, man. Yeah, listen. Listen, everybody has their own, like, you're at your own stations in life. There's probably a lot of guys right now who are listening to this who are like, fucking beta cucks, I don't like these guys. And listen, you're probably going through your phase in life where you're like, just out of college or some shit, and you think you know what you're talking about, which you don't, and eventually, like, you'll come around,

and there are probably some girls out there right now who are thinking like, these little bitch boys, I don't want to hook up with them. And you'll get fucked over, and you'll get burned, and you'll have some guy who does not go down on you ever, and then when you're a little bit older your palate will be a little refined too, and I'm sure we think we know what we're talking about, and we won't

when we reach like, you know, the silver fox years, we'll be like, oh man, those we used to be fucking whatever I don't even know, we'll figure it out, we're doing wrong we'll always be right but everybody I've never changed my mind in my life once, and I'm not gonna start in 15 years, I'll tell you that I don't even know. We'll figure it out. We'll always be right. I've never changed my mind in my life once, and I'm not going to start in 15 years.

That sounds like a terrible idea. That's just flip-flopping. That's just being inconsistent. What am I, John Kerry? Come on. I'm not passing judgment. We're just at different stations in life. Mine is correct. Yours is wrong. You'll realize the error of your ways. And until then, you guys can, you know, girls, you can not come.

Guys, you can sit around being so straight you don't mess around with vaginas. I think I've said that before. I started this at a young age, this beta movement, where I was in a bus in elementary school singing Bye Bye Bye. And people were like, fight or break your game. I'm like, no, I just know good music, dude. This song is fucking awesome. And guess what? The girl behind me, she's going to let me go down on her later.

And guess what? Because I know the dance. Because I memorized the choreographed dance from TRL. Now that we're 20 years later, everyone's like, yo, that song was hot. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I told you that. You said I was gay.

And now it's going to be like, Kevin, in 20 years, you're going to be like, guess what? Musicals are dope. I know. I told you that. You said I was gay. And now it's going to be like, Kevin, in 20 years, you'll be like, guess what? Musicals are dope. I know. I told you this whole fucking time, man. Yeah, you're also 20 years from now, you'll be like, you know what? You were the handsome one. You were right.

I'm dumb. Today, with you especially, I feel like Michael Scott, when he does the roast, he's like, boy, really went after my intelligence there, huh? And my thing isn't small, it's average. You should have seen when Nate, I don't know what, I think Nate was doing a bit or something. He was just like, when Nate does a bit, it's the weirdest thing. He was just like, Kevin, you're the stupidest person here. And I was like,

what? I don't think I am. He was like, no, the fact that you don't even know you're the dumb one means you're dumb. And I was like, maybe I am dumb because I don't even get what Nate is doing. I just don't think I'm that stupid. I don't think you're stupid. I just think you're not the handsome one. Well, again, it's

really, you just have to define. You have to fall into one of two buckets, and you clearly fall into the dumb bucket, thereby leaving me with the handsome bucket. See, you're good at math, so you think you're smart. I'm good at all the other fucking shit. Oh, you're not. Yes, I am. Oh, you're not. I'm the one who knows all the classical shit.

I'm the one who took humanities classes. Oh, humanities. I'm the one cultured. Culture takes intelligence. You know how to do math. Congratulations, bro. I have a fucking calculator in my phone. I don't one cultured. Culture takes intelligence. You know how to do math. Congratulations, bro. I have a fucking calculator in my phone. I don't need your shit.

I sat in math classes. You and your humanities. I'm so smart I could see the future. I sat in math classes like third grade teachers would be like, oh, you're going to need to know this one day. You can't send your calculator everywhere. Bitch, guess what? 2018 and I bring my calculator everywhere. It's not a TI-83, but I have a calculator with calculator everywhere. Bitch, guess what? It's 2018, and I bring my calculator everywhere.

It's not a TI-83, but I have a calculator with me everywhere I go, and I knew that was going to be the future. I knew Steve Jobs. I saw that shit. You sound so dumb right now. No, no, I saw it all. And I'm just sitting here laughing nice and handsome while you just get yourself clearly worked up. You are so dumb.

Signing off. It's the handsome one, KFC. Hey, Em, one second. Let's just do a little poll test off. It's the handsome one, KFC. Hey, one second. Let's just do a little poll test here. Let's see here. You want to read the results? It's not good. Oh, no.

We both put up our handsome pictures yesterday. Let's see. Kevin, 4,352 likes. 4,352.. 4,352. Let's see what I got. We're at 7,469. That's not even, I thought that was going to be a way higher number. That was, that was sight.

You thought you were going to, I thought you were going to say like 20,000. You have 30,000 more followers than I do. Listen to yourself. And you still have 3,000 left likes. Listen to yourself. You ugly dumb bitch. Yo, I'll tell you why. Do you know why you have so many likes on your picture?

It's because of the background, baby. It's the fucking cake in the background. Ain't nobody looking at the foreground of that picture. They're looking at the sexiness going on in the back. If you want to know what we're talking about, go look at Feidelberg's Instagram. He could use the followers. He's on Instagram, at Feidelberg. The background is where the magic's happening in that picture.

You can't get back there. You want to know where the extra 3,000 likes came from? Fucking right here, baby. This wagon's carrying them likes, baby. All right. New York Post, you're wrong. Fuck your hormones. Fuck your white women.

Science is a liar sometimes. Fuck your hormones and fuck your white women.