KFC Radio - Quickie: Birthday Boy (with Kmarko)

Episode Date: May 25, 2018

It's a birthday edition of the podcast. Happy birthday, Keith! We are also planning Keith's bar mitzvah and it might be in Tel Aviv.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a Friday, Memorial Day weekend quickie here on KFC Radio. I hope that no one is listening to this. If you're still stuck at your desk on your commute... On the way to the beach. Yeah, on the way to the beach. Okay. If you're listening to this at your desk, you at your desk on your commute yeah okay if you're listening to this at your desk you should just kill yourself on the spot but hopefully maybe you're on the

beach maybe you're uh on the plane maybe you're going somewhere fucking really awesome and uh we have not our guest he's our he's our um what would Keith be? He's like our roaming co-host. You know, like a roaming correspondent. You're like, you know, this every now and then type of. Yeah, yeah, co-host works. Yeah. But like not really though. KFC Radio third host.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's your birthday, so I'll give it to you. Keith is the birthday boy. Thank you. He's 31 years old. And my gift to you is that I will call you a KFC Radio co-host.

I'm not getting you anything else. Thank you. That's fine. That ranks like number four out of the gifts I got today. So that's pretty good. What'd you get? I just tweeted out my ranking, so I got seven. Wow. Holy shit. Seven was a Saturdays are for the Boys shirt from Chip,

which is actually kind of cool because it's a new design that John hasn't even gotten one yet. I was the first one to have it. I know. I was involved in the design process. Hey, John, you designed this awesome shirt that I'm wearing that you're not. gotten one yet i was the first one to have it i was involved in the design process yeah hey john you designed this awesome shirt that i'm wearing that you're not um liz got me vape pods they were the wrong flavor uh chuck and za got me vape pods the correct flavor those were better jared got me sour patch watermelons erica and ebony and erica's assistant daniella gave me a cake

oh what kind of cake uh chocolate i'm not cake i didn't eat it but it was the thought was really nice um there might have been something else such a sassy little bitch i don't like you i don't really eat sweets i'm with you oh well that's ridiculous i'm with you as far as like i mean brownie over cake thousand percent i got my mom made me brownies stay with my mom from that's another thing we talked about living with our parents are you in or you out on living with your parents I was actually thinking How great it would be

To live with them for a year And just not pay rent Fuck yeah And yes We never even touched You live for free But I also Being home for your birthday

That's really clutch My mom used to make me Multiple pans of brownies Brownies But cake man I love nice cake Nice scoop of ice cream. And then when the ice cream melts and it kind of just becomes like a mishmash.

Yeah. Oh, buddy. But I'll tell you what. I love like a brownie or a cake with a scoop of ice cream, but I don't like ice cream cake. I don't need that. My mom's shipping me all my gifts. They're waiting for me. My doorman has them.

I guess it depends where you – You're saying I'm going to give them to my dorm? My doorman has them. I was like, are we calling apartments dorms? Because i think we really need to grow my doorman's gonna hand me my gifts for my mom god i care about i guess it depends where they live because like my parents live on the cape and it's like dead there except for two months of the year i have no friends there so i'd be miserable but the money would be great so but even on top of that don't you like friends at home either though i don't need friends i just stay in i don't go out anymore maybe

it's really like an age thing if you're really still going out and like partying and like I don't have any friends at home either, though. I don't need friends. I just stay in. I don't go out anymore. I don't have friends here. That's what we're talking about. It's really like an age thing. If you're really still going out and partying and hooking up and bringing people home, it's tough. But once you're either so young you can't afford it or old enough that you're not doing that shit anymore, living with... We said, your parents love you.

They take care of you. They do things for you. It's great. It's a delight. They love me so much, though, that I have to talk a lot. And I can't, like, when I go home for holidays, it's great. Like, three or four days, just, like, talk the whole time. And then I'm ready to go back home.

You're a man of few words. Yeah. So if I had to do that for a year, like, the love is just suffocating. They just love me too much. That's Keith. He's just got so many friends and so many people that love him. He can't take it. That's stressful.

It's stressful how many birthday messages I got today because I can't respond to all them. I don't have time. That's why you got to do one of those blanket thank you for the well wishes. Okay. Check my Twitter, bitches. 31.

I try to respond to all the texts because that's really nice. People take the time to do that. A lot of them, I don't have the numbers saved. I'm just guessing who it is. Lots of people coming out of the woodwork. I don't know what happened over the past year, but I made... You got hot as I made people care about me more in my life. Like friends. You started doing podcasts a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit of podcasting. A co-host on KFC Radio, I guess. It's a life-changing moment. But birthdays are stressful when you have to reply to everybody. It's like, ugh. I don't want anyone to feel left out. Like Connor, Captain Cons, texted me while I was still sleeping. And then he was in the office this morning. to everybody and it's like uh i don't want anyone to feel left out like uh connor captain cons texted me while i was still sleeping and then he was in the office this morning and came over right

away and he was like did you get my text like i noticed you didn't write back and then i feel like a dick and then that's gonna happen like that's just they're they're giving you a chore for your birthday well if you send if you send someone a birthday wish like with the caveat that you're gonna get something in return, you're a dick. Yeah. So you're technically supposed to just be doing this selflessly. Yeah. I don't want to have

to give you something in return. I mean, I have a list on my desk of people who haven't said happy birthday yet. So I'm like crossing them off.

Some Arya Stark shit. Oh, I'll hold that against someone. Who's that? Yeah, you're a big birthday guy. No, I'm not. I'm not a big birthday guy,

but no, I'm not. I'm not even doing it. You just told me you have a list of people that you're going. No, no, no. That's a that's a principle thing. That's like that's it's because it's my birthday. They have like a responsibility to say something. Not that I care about.

This makes you a birthday guy. No, because this could be. Are you hearing yourself? I understand what you're saying, but I'm saying it's not birthday. Like birthday is the occasion that this applies to. It could be something else. Let's say you have another momentous life. I understand what you're saying, but I'm saying it's not birthday. Birthday is the occasion that this applies to. It could be something else. Let's say you have another momentous life moment.

If I get promoted, if Dave quits and I'm head of the company, I'll keep track of who doesn't say congratulations. Just speak out of the principle of it. I have a list. Jared was on it. He came in, handed me a gift, and so he's off it. You're just sitting there crossing it off. My dad was on it. Turns out he texted me really early. Mr. Markle can catch just these hands too he turns at the top of your list right now

who's left well dave's on it i almost didn't even add dave because he'll never say it who are you like who's on the list right now that you're like oh boy hey if he's you know if he doesn't come through nobody everyone's good the only people well you cross them all off dave is on it and uh eric solenberger is on it he hasn't said it yeah who's that again um oh that's about it all my every everyone i care about has said it see i'm not i just don't care i was like like i don't i remember the first like it was one of like no i guess not first times we knew each other but like it was probably like two birthdays in maybe or something like that and i was because you get fucked and i'm staying this weekend so i

could celebrate keith's birthday with him what i got the uh keith gets fucked because it's a memorial day weekend so like no one's ever around and all that you know i'm like uh i'm like your vince vaughn i bring a sleeping bag over and you know get a little boy yeah but his birthday i mean that's nice but i don't need that like the reason I stay here on Memorial day weekend is because no one's around and I just want to chill like by myself. That's true. Or with, with people who are right.

I'm glad you're here, but I don't need, like I didn't organize a party or anything. Like we're going to get drinks after work, the same place we go every single day. And I told everyone, anyone who wants to come, like they can come.

And that's all I care about. Like, are you going to wear a tiara and a sash? I mean, if I'm given one, I've kind of, I remember though, I forgot to text you happy birthday, one Memorial Day, years and years and years ago.

And I think it was you texting me, and you're like, yo, Keith's pretty upset. Make sure you remember to text me. No, no, I wasn't upset. I'm not. Like, my feelings aren't hurt. No, no, you're not. You remember the weekend.

You know what I'm going to have with that. You gave him the silent treatment. You weren't, like, upset. But I remember being, he was like, yo, I think Keith is mad at me. And we kind of like went through the list. I was like, did you do something? And then I was like, well, you wished him happy birthday. It was like two weeks later.

He's been mad at me for like two weeks. I was like, what is he so mad about? And like the light bulb went off. It was like, oh, it was the birthday, dude. And then you wished him like a belated. And I think it all went away. I don't remember that, but it sounds like me. But not a birthday guy.

Not a birthday guy. No, because it's not the birthday. I don't remember that, but it sounds like me. But not a birthday guy. Not a birthday guy. No, because it's not the birthday. I understand. It's the principle behind it. Like you, you're one of my best friends. You should be texting me happy birthday. So soon I woke up, I sent a tweet, a text, and then like three more tweets. Oh, did I?

No, we're fine now. Yeah. And I'm kind of, I'm kind of over that. Like I'd have to really reach to be mad at someone because I don't care as much. I cared more back then. Yeah. And you also, I didn't, I didn't. I used to have passion. I don't to really reach to be mad at someone because I don't care as much. I cared more back then. Yeah. And you also... We all did.

I used to have passion. I don't know. Number one on my gifts list was you. I know. You got him a gift? No, he's going to cover my tab after work. He didn't even tell me he was going to watch. I got to get you something.

Me putting that out in the world means that... I mean, I was obviously planning on doing that. I didn't tell you, hey, I'm going to pay you for drinks. Well, Riggs is going to split it with you because he wants to be involved. Okay. And I'm allowing you to call yourself a co-host, so I'm good, right?

Yeah, you're good. So this is how good I am at this game, is I tweeted out the ranking of coworkers' gifts so that the people who didn't get me anything immediately started Venmo-ing me money for drinks, jumping in to tell you, like, I'll split with you. So you're going to split the bill like 30 ways at this rate. Yeah, you're actually giving to John.

The thing with splitting the bill 30 ways, I'd rather just pay for it. I'm so fucking smart and calculated with how I handle this stuff. You are the little finger of birthdays, man. Exactly. Exactly. My phone is just buzzing. 31 is a pretty insignificant birthday. Yeah, it's awful.

I think that 20... You had a hell of a 30th birthday. 30th was great. That was kind of my life. Yeah, I booked a hotel room in Brooklyn at the William Vale Sick Room and just invited my friends over. And you had like a shitload of McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's my move. Sandwiches. When I have a party, very rarely, but when I do, I order a shitload of McDonald's. And when it comes delivered, when everyone's drunk, it's dead. You're the fucking man, yeah. Although, for my housewarming party, I forgot to fries which was a huge real not happy ria brought it up today she was like hey remember that time two years ago yeah uh i would say of all the insignificant birthdays i think like 22 is insignificant but you're still young so

you're like fucking rage no matter what uh 31 is like right there i think 31 until you're old it's like until 40 like what's 38 it's not's like... Until 40. Like what's... 38's not cool. But then even like 40 sucks. All the birthdays after that, like you're old, you're going to die, you're going to die, you're fat, you're ugly, you're gross.

So 31 is just like this, meh. People at least care about 40. Like they'll tell you how old you are and you'll want to die. And you usually plan like a fucking blowout for 40. People are like, my life stinks now, so let me like go to the Caribbean or some shit. I got to imagine like...

She's the big one. I think they're all... I think 40, 50, 60 60 they all get big but i think 40 is 40 is like the age in my mind that's like fuck that's i think because you're depressed at 40 that you're old i think by 50 you've accepted it you gotta you gotta think that like 37 is the worst birthday because you know you're old 37 that old bitch oh shit because it's like you're old you feel old you're getting closer to 40 but no one else gives a fuck because you're old. You feel old. You're getting closer to 40, but no one else gives a fuck because you're not actually 40 yet. 37 is late 30s.

You know, because it's like early 30s is what? 30 to 33. 33 to 36 is mid 30s. 37 and up is late 30s. You're fucked. You're 29, right, John? Yeah, I'm turning 30.

That's pretty stupid, too. That's a dumb one. Yeah, they're all dumb. They're all dumb. I remember we went to St. Lucia. I said I'm not a birthday guy, but 30th birthday is going to be. You're going to go all out? Yeah, we're going to OAR, and they're like poking our guy Mark.

They're poking us up. That's coming up. Wow. First time I smoked weed and drank alcohol was the OAR concert at Lupo's. A lot of people have that. First time I had sex, first time I did this. My first time I had sex was about an hour ago. Hey, we just proclaimed 37 the worst age to be your thought it's the worst age i've been so far

it was just a like well you're old but no one gives a fuck at least 40 it's like hey let's throw a big party 37 is like you should just kill yourself we i once went to saint lucia when i was a kid it was my family, two other families. We rented like a villa. I was probably what, like maybe like 8 and you were 12 or like 10 and 14, something like that. And then I don't even – I just – I don't know. We just went on – I thought it was like a dope-ass vacation we went on. And I came to find out later that it was like our uncle's 40th birthday.

I was like, God damn, that was a fucking birthday. We rented like a mansion in the Caribbean. I actually, Brendan walking in made me think of something that 37 is not the worst birthday. The worst birthday is your kids first or second birthday. Those are terrible. Having to hear you guys like rent out spaces and hire,

spend all this money on something they won't even remember. That's so much worse. We spent bank on the birthdays. It's crazy. Although I must say this, the, the, uh, Shay's, the birthdays. It was crazy. Although I must say this. Shay's gymnastics birthday was dope.

Gymnastics is fire. But yeah, these people, we rent tents and bounce hat castles and face painters. There's so much stress. Like the magician canceled last night. The clown's too scary. Yeah, your kids, all they want to do is nap. They're just like, get me out of here. So what did we want to talk about? You had another topic we want to talk about.

Well, we went to the awards show last night. So you guys were big balling last night. A little early birthday celebration for Keith, too, was a swanky barstool awards show. It was the Sports Business Journal. Let me tell you how unswanky this was. I'm just judging by you guys looking swanky as fuck. We look great. Yeah.

We were the best looking people there by far. Best dressed. John said it was a very ugly crowd. It was super ugly. It was like... We're not making any friends here. It felt to me like your third cousin's once removed wedding. Like it was just old people in bad suits.

We were at a table that was not the last, but the second to last in the place. Like, close to the door. He literally had to put his glasses on. I had to put my glasses on to see the screen. I was thinking, like, I knew we weren't going to win. A 31-year-old move. Erica told me I had to give our speech if we won. And I was like, I didn't think we were going to win.

And I was excited to do it because I had a good one in my head. And I don't mind doing that stuff. But my concern was that the walk is going to be so far that it's going to be awkward because you had to weave through the tables and it was about a quarter mile on the stage. Wait, can we get a little taste of what your acceptance speech would have been? Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. No? Well, I was going to call out... The ESPN guy was sitting front row and he had just given a speech. The new John Skipper, right? I was going to make some snide comments about... Yeah, the non-Cokehead head of ESPN now um who i guess is kind of a good guy yeah

i don't know erica said he's maybe jimmy does um i was gonna yeah i was gonna go a little scorched earth but not like in a nice like in a fun way but uh it would have been good well wait come on give me like a taste of one of those comments no because i didn't have like a speech planned i had some thoughts and i was gonna yeah i was feeling confident enough that i could i could deliver how many old fashions deep well there was no open bar luckily i brought a flask and i was like it was such a shit show i was just what a piece of shit you are me it's like oh i got whiskey i love it great move yeah it was a genius it was clearly that's because i mean it was wine i can't we had wine glasses with no wine in them oh we had uh the bus dinner

yeah it was a dinner but i'm pretty sure the servers were told don't let the barstool table eat because they were fucking assassins they were snatching they took casey's chicken she had barely touched it and the guy came from the right side and said ma'am can i take that and she was like no i haven't started yet while they were talking a guy came from the left and grabbed it and it was gone the double team it was incredible i saw like someone tried like took keys when he had like half a salad left so i started just like there was no wine erica was very vocally heckling everyone on stage just like get the fuck off the stage boo and i was like luckily our award was third and it was pretty quick and we left as soon as we lost we stood up and left.

Fuck this place. Not to make a statement, but we were done. We don't want to be there. We went and got a drink. But I was thinking if we stayed another 15 minutes, we would have been asked to leave probably. Yeah, well, we were 1,000% on the way to getting kicked out. Were people like eyeing you and making comments and shit?

Oh, the table. Yes, the table we were sitting closest to. Because the tables were on top of each other. I heard one guy be like, that's the farthest table. This is where we deserve our reputation a thousand percent. We're always like, you guys, we're just a slander. You guys just don't even know.

These are just lazy, boring fucking jabs. It's like, no, we're all ass know. These are just like lazy, like boring fucking jabs. It's like, no, we're all assholes. We're real pieces of fucking shit. We were a little obnoxious. But right before we left, there was like a pregnant woman, like eight and a half months pregnant, thanking her unborn child for the award or whatever. Oh, Jesus Christ.

And Erica's like, boo! Yeah, she goes, Erica's like, boo! She goes, Erica's like, get the pregnant bitch off the stage! I wasn't going to say that part. Well, just like, come on. These people are winning meaningless awards with prepared speeches. Like you said, the Mercedes Benz guy.

So the people that we lost to was I thought we would lose to Overwatch, the esports thing, because that's huge. I thought we might lose to Overwatch, the esports thing, because that's huge. I thought we might lose to the Jumbo Shrimp, which would be funny, because we lost to the Jumbo Shrimp. What does that mean, Jumbo Shrimp? That minor league team that does so well on social media that they're like... Got it. So it's a breakthrough in sports.

There's a hat chapter all the time. So if you're talking breakthrough in sports, like, Barstool Sports is by far the most qualified to win that. We obviously knew that we weren't going to get that. I would actually say that we've already broken through. I don't know. I'm going to take the ultimate side here. Once I learned really what the award was, it was like breakthrough in sports innovation.

What do we innovate? Really? It didn't say innovation on the sheet. It just said best breakthrough. We're 10 years behind everything. We are on the opposite of the cutting edge. We are on the smooth, fat cutting edge we are on the smooth fat part but for like so so you tell so who we lost you you tell me what makes more of a splash uh the company that's worth 150 million

dollars who's 8x their revenue in the past two years and doing all this stuff or the stadium in atlanta that slashed the price of their hot dogs at the concession stand by two dollars and doesn't serve booze And doesn't serve booze. And doesn't serve booze at college events. And has a Chick-fil-A, which is not open on Sundays. I mean, Roan made a good point. People forget they play football on Sundays. Roan made a good point.

How are they slashing the prices of those hot dogs? I heard what he was saying. They just lowered the price and sold more. It's a pretty basic thing. That's not really an innovation. No, not at all. Lower the price of the food. I's a pretty basic thing. That's not really an innovation. No, not at all. Lower the price of the food. America does love hot dogs.

Have you ever been to... I went to school in Atlanta. I was there for four years. We used to walk into Falcons games 10 minutes before kick and we'd sit on the 50-yard line for like five bucks. Atlanta fans are horrible. They have a few good ones, but the stadiums aren't full. I walked into Celtics-Hawks. Braves fans are notorious.

They were going to the fucking playoffs 15 years in a row, and you could get playoff tickets the day of. I sat courtside for Hawks-Celtics game six. Remember that game that Zaza was, like, screaming afterwards, and Atlanta fans were going crazy? And I was with my friends who were Boston fans, and they were, like, they were trying to fight us. Like, we had to be escorted out.

But we were sitting courtside because no one, there was so many empty seats at the game. But anyway, they had cheaper hot dogs now. You know what's weird? That you went to school in Atlanta. Why? I don't know. Knowing you now, I just always knew you went to Emory.

But knowing you, I just would not pick you to go down to Atlanta. No. You were like, let me hit up Hotlanta. Let me go to ATL, shorty. Well, I wanted to go somewhere in the south. I wanted to get away from home, and I wanted to go somewhere warm. And Emory was by far the best school I got into, so it was pretty easy to say. What were your other choices?

And it's also like Emory, it's in Atlanta, and it's in the city of Atlanta technically, but it's like New York Jews that go there. So it was like I was with people I was comfortable with in Atlanta. Did you go to camp? Nope. I didn't know that was the thing until i was i was not as jewish as i am now until i went to emory i was only i was only made you jewish i'm half jewish and i was like the jew of my town and i was definitely the jew of my high school yeah i was

reminded constantly how i was the jew and i was always like this is let it out of the prep school baby i was always i was always like that's not fair like i'm only half jewish i'm barely jewish then i went to emory. Literally everyone there is Jewish. And I was like, fuck yeah, I'm a Jew. And now I'm like the Jewish blogger and I'm always standing up for Jews. I'm super passionate about it. I have to look at your fucking face every day talking shit about us.

I have to look at your fucking Jewish face. You added the ish. You were going to say shit. Jewish face. I have to look at your fucking Jew face. They get bent out of shape all the time fleischman texted me we on the podcast yesterday we did a bit about how the jews just send their kids to camp all summer and it's the best racket going it's just like they opt out of parenting for the entire summer and fleischman texted me she's like me and my brother eight weeks every

summer they used to just ship us off. They all do that. She said her brother always has this running joke at family events that their parents would drop them off and you'd hear the tires peeling out

and he would just lay on his pillow crying at night while they were like gallivanting around doing whatever the fuck they wanted. So when I went there, I made what would become

my two best friends there and the first weekend my parents came to visit, they took us out to dinner, obviously, and I introduced them and five minutes later, it turns out they went to the same jewish camp which i didn't even know was a thing oh big time that's that's the most jewish i think i was the only jew that didn't go to jew yeah you really weren't jewish i know until now i am now yeah i'm

actually working on getting a bar mitzvah what oh you remember you remember bar mitzvahed? You were never bar mitzvahed? No. Let's throw a fucking bar mitzvah for Keith. We'll get it sponsored. Yeah. We'll blow it out. Bar mitzvahs crush. Confirmation sucks. Bar mitzvahs suck. Shit.

Confirmation, I got $400 for my confirmation. And I was like, yo! And then my Jewish friends were like, I got $5,000. I was like, fuck you Jews. I got a lot of money for that. Well, yeah, you're rich. Get out of here. I was, it was $5,000. I was like, fuck you Jews. I got a lot of money. Well, yeah, you're rich. Get out of here. I was, it was, confirmation was dope.

I got like four. You just had a shitty confirmation. Confirmation was dope. No, no, no, you are the exception here, pal. Confirmation blows. You get like treasury bonds and that's it. You had like a, you had a confirmitsva. Confirmitsva.

I mean. That makes sense. I also didn't know. My Jewish cousins, those bar mitzvahs were the dopest thing I makes sense i also didn't know my jewish cousins those bar mitzvahs were the dopest thing i ever did i didn't know bar mitzvahs were cool because the ones i had gone to were my cousins who were not super close with but the first one was uh x-files themed oh you got like alien masks and shit like that and the other one was the other one was also something horrible but that was in my head that's what a bar mitzvah was and then i met all my jewish friends showing me their videos of their bar mitzvah,

and it was like a fucking club night, and everyone was having a blast. Yeah, I just remember those little inflatable saxophones and the glow sticks, the maracas and the hats. I've never been to a bar mitzvah, but I love for Keith to be my first. Molly and ecstasy. But are we going to do the party, or do you want to do the religious part, too? No, I'm going to do it. Because then you've got to do the Hebrew and shit.

You're going to do it for real. You've got to go to school, though. Yeah, Hebrew school. You're going to do the real you want to do the religion part too because then you got to do the hebrew and shit you're gonna do all you're gonna do it for real school though yeah hebrew school yeah i'm gonna do it yeah wow that's you're committed are you doing this for content or you want to just be bar mitzvahed it was originally my friend and i neither of us got bar mitzvahed we were like if the by the time we're like 35 let's decide if we want to do it and we do want to do it but i'm saying as your is your motivation like well now what you want to actually do it well i thought of it it could be a good content thing yeah um could you imagine us like in the temple and keith's like we're like yeah talk that shit dude you're a man now bitch well i tried it my first year of college i took hebrew 101 it's a hard line intro to hebrew and i sat down like ready to learn and

every kid in the class was fluent and was just speaking with the professor and i didn't know what the fuck was going on i I left and I never went back. I couldn't do it. I didn't know it. I'm thinking all of us in yarmulkes when we walk in. They give you like their... They want a yarmulke. I've never done anything.

Keith was the first Jew I knew. So I've like never done anything Jewish. I have an entire nightstand drawer full of yarmulkes from weddings and... You should really lean into this Jew thing and like start wearing the yarmulke. I like my hair too much. It's one of the worst looks ever like the problem like this is why like i wouldn't wear the yarmulke i wear my hat the jews need a an overhaul on their on their like style like the jews the orthodoxes with the curls yeah but the hats and then the yarmulkes they're not very cool those are different jews, though. We're talking about, like, cool Jews. You know what's funny?

My pope wears a yarmulke. Who does? My pope. Oh, your pope? Pope Frankie rocks the yarmulke. Who's our pope? My pope. I was saying the other day, you know, I would never wish ill upon Pope Francis,

but Conclave is so fucking dope that i kind of want yeah we might get it's fucking dude my guy cardinal o'malley is like yeah he's like one of them cardinal o'malley like cardinal is like a good family friend oh really yeah like if he wow cardinal o'malley like he said my nana when she passed he said her mass wow he's like so we could get some like maybe we could interview the pope for KV radio. Oh man. It'd be awesome. That would be so dope. I also,

now that I think about it, I went on a six week, uh, Sephardic Jewish theme tour through Europe in college. So that kind of made me more Jewish too. Now to be clear, I didn't go on it for that reason. My friends and I went on it cause you get credit for it.

And we just partied the whole time and got to be in Europe. However, I did pick up a lot of facts about Jewish history. So have you done more? Right? What did birthright no i missed out got that no that's no no oh it's uh like 24 or something oh i thought you got that for life no we have you gone to tel aviv no i'm in israel my parents are going and invited me but unfortunately i'll be in italy that week so life's so tough tel aviv's popping you know that right it's like south beach oh yeah yeah we should all go to Tel Aviv.

I'm in for anything. Anything Jewish, I'll do it. Out of office in Tel Aviv. I like, you know, don't love the Jews, but I'll do all that shit. Someone else might do that first. What does that mean? The Tel Aviv. Dave? I don't know anyone at this company who likes to

take your ideas. Maybe Francis will go. Francis with his blog was ruffling your feathers the other day, huh? His Palestine. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Well, yeah. I was busting his balls about it, and then I was actually making myself angry.

It was just a dump. I don't want to talk about it. Well, maybe for your 32nd birthday, we'll go to – we can't plan it now. It's too late. 32. We'll do Tel Aviv. You just get on a plane to Tel Aviv. Do a Columbia stop.

We'll plan the bar mitzvah. I fucking can't. Yeah, you can't. We'll plan the bar mitzvah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we'll plan the bar...

Yeah, that'll be your gift. We'll be Tel Aviv. I gotta figure out the... You still have to pay your way, but we'll just go with you. I'll figure out... Well, maybe I could expense it if we make it a content thing. I gotta figure out what the time commitment is for Hebrew schoolrews i was gonna say it's hard how many people are gonna be invited oh i don't know i'm a pretty exclusive guy but yeah we'll see they got people

gotta earn it that this will be like uh dp 40 times a billion yeah km 32 watch out normally i would say no way that dave's invited but he'll he Jewish boyfriend. I was going to say, all the Jews here have to be invited. Yeah, he'll be there. Can we not, though? Can we like... Yeah, let's not. Let's like plan it when we know Dave has something really important. No, I need him there.

He's my Jewish support. No, you don't. Yes, I do. I hate how much Keith likes Dave. Drives me nuts, John. You don't like Dave. I like Dave. I don't have to interact with him. We don't like Dave. I like Dave. I don't have to interact with him.

We don't really speak. You do the rundown with him and then two hours of radio and you have to fight with him on opinions. For worse. We only talk when something about work. But this bothers me. This is like when people are like, well, he's always been nice to me.

No, but I totally get your side. He's an asshole to everyone else. I'm not even just saying with Dave. I'm saying in general when someone says, oh, I know he's a dick, but he's never been nice to me. He's never been mean to me, so I have no problem with him. It's like, well, if he's an asshole to everyone else, why do you like that guy?

Well, because I only care about myself. Facts. He's fine to me, so I don't know. Facts. That's great. Would you hate Dave if you were me? Yeah, I've told you that a hundred times. If you and Dan hated his fucking guts, I wouldn't blame you for it.

Because you have to fight with him about dumb shit every day on the rundown. Guy stinks. Yeah, I don't you that a hundred times. If you and Dan hated his fucking guts, I wouldn't blame you for it. Yeah. Because you have to fight with him about dumb shit every day on the rundown. Guy stinks. Yeah, I don't have to do that. Anything else while you're here co-hosting for the day? What's your favorite Memorial Day thing to do? I'm not doing anything. Same here. No, it's going to be real.

I was invited to the Hamptons. You're a big Hamptons guy. I hate the Hamptons, but my friend's parents live hamptons guy i hate the hamptons but my friends parents live there so we have like the house have you ever done the jersey shore no i don't think you'd like that no i did i like uh lbi a lot yeah that's different though that's like relaxing yeah you go to like yeah i'm a relaxing guy like i what i don't like about the hamptons is back when i was like 24 and we used to have to like load into a cabin and particularly the hamptons like yeah everything's far away.

That's what made me hate it. Now that we just hang out at the house, he has a boat and jet skis and the beach around the corner. That's my style. The beach in the Hamptons is beautiful. I'll do that. It's one of the best beaches ever.

Considering that, or else I'll just binge watch something and chill. That's my groove. I pray that it rains for Memorial Day weekend now. Give me a fucking blizzard. Fights is going to Portugal or some shit. I'm not going to Memorial Day weekend now. Like, give me a fucking blizzard. Fights is going to, like, Portugal or some shit? I'm not going to Memorial Day.

I'm going in June. What are you doing this... You're doing something this weekend. I'm going to fucking watch soccer with you on Saturday. Yeah, but I thought you were going somewhere after that. I might go to Newport.

I don't know. Depends how tired I am from watching soccer. You should be very tired. I've never done Newport. I've been there twice for weddings, but I've never done, like, going out in the summer there. We're going to do it this summer.

Okay. It's tough to go out with you, though. Why? You go out. You go out hard. Kind of what I was... Yeah, Kevin just says what I'm thinking. Well, we've been talking recently about how KFC Radio is like this immunity bubble.

Yeah. Like, we say whatever we want want here and nobody says anything ever. And like at first I remember being like, damn, like this show must not be that good if like, you know, it's like no one's listening. Then we look at the downloads and they're like higher than they've ever been. I'm like, boy, people just stay quiet.

Yeah, it's pretty nice. It's like, John, we spend so much time together and then we get drinks after work and we're in a certain mind frame. If seeing you like when you go out out and you're like oh yeah super out really out there really out there in the bathroom i'm not used to it and i like i like i like that often like i'm i do that like you know like maybe once a quarter i go out when you go away for a weekend somewhere you are radio silent because you're just

so fucked up when i go away if you're away somewhere newport somewhere, you are radio silent because you're just so fucked up. When I go away? If you're away somewhere. Newport, if you're in Chicago. I mean, just the other day, last weekend, you stayed up through the royal wedding. You stayed awake and out and partied until like 7 a.m. Yeah, and another time you were in a... I was waking up at like 10.30 and you were like, I've been in the hot tub all night.

I haven't gone to sleep yet. And another time you poisoned everyone with weed brownies at the party like all night long which which is to be clear pumpkin bread but to be clear this is great you should do all this you should have fun yeah i just i mean i'm at the point where i'm like let's get a bottle of cabernet and another bottle of cabernet john you are super cool and super fun that's just not the life for me. I am not. I'm not super cool. I'm not super fun. I'm not super anything. Super lame. Alright, man. Well, happy 31st. Thanks, man. Happy 31st.

Shabbat Shalom. Thank you. Yeah, we'll keep people updated on the bar mitzvah. Mazel tov. Very good. Later.