KFC Radio - Quickie: I'M NOTHING (with Camille Kostek)

Episode Date: August 10, 2018

Possibly the best drunk girl voicemail we have ever received. Is Camille a "strip club girl"? And what is Aunt Becky really like?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, another edition of KFC Radio, featuring the one and only, the lovely Camille Kostek. You always give me the best intros, I actually never know if it's going to be like a bad- actually, it's always good. I was going to say, what if I go, what the hell, that bitch Camille's back again. What the fuck are we going to do with her? No, you guys are always so great to me. That's why I mean, I don't really know how my invite, if it was like sincere or if it was.

It's always sincere, of course. Do you know about this? I saw a little Twitter flirting going on, so I understood there was something. It wasn't flirting. I was a little disappointed. I mean, I've been on a playground a time or two. It was flirting. I don't remember how it started.

You said that someone said, Camille, we need you back on KFC Radio. And you quote tweeted and said, I'll pass the message to the guys. And I was like, well, it looks like someone's in New York and hasn't even alerted us yet. You're right. You're right. That was flirting. And then, no, and then it's so funny. We don't even have each other's phone numbers after all these times and, you know, all these

allocations that like we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't even have each other's numbers. Talk about like this being like the age of social media because him and I were not even talking through Instagram DMs. He was Twitter DMing me. Oh my God. That's like old man shit. Twitter DMs?

What do you want? Dinosaur, dude? We didn't even confirm the time until a couple hours ago because I never check it. So I just I like wrote back.

We could not be more I don't even know how to DM on Instagram. I don't even know where to go. Oh yeah. I have no idea how to DM on Instagram.

We are Twitter people. What do you mean you have no idea? I know how. I've sent like five DMs on Instagram. There's a mail. There's a piece of mail

like kind of like Dinosaur HQ sends mail. Yeah. And that's where you do it. But it's like Catch me on Instagram. There's a mail, there's a piece of mail, like, kind of like Dinosaur Age because Susan's mail. Yeah. And that's, that's where you do it. But it's like, Catch me on Twitter.

It's like a bunch of weirdos and like people I don't follow and then it's like, Is it open? Like anybody can send it? It's kind of like dams where it has like the people you follow.

So like that mailbox is literally like, for as long as, many years I've had my Twitter, it's like three people in there including him. And then it's like, it has like,

you know, hundreds of requests. So no, so I immediately like saw it this morning and I was like, listen, text me because I don't look in here and we haven't even confirmed the time. And this is the day we said we were going to hang out. We got around to it. It's here. We're here. Who cares how you got there? It's the

well, no, the journey matters, not the destinations. That doesn't really work there. Are you, what are you in New York taking pictures for being pretty? Is that, what a life. I hate you. Camille actually has, well, she was on the camping this weekend. Oh, sure. With Lori Loughlin.

Did you know that Lori Loughlin has a daughter who is a rocket? You already knew that? No, but I'm saying that surprises me 0%. 0%. I mean, I'm sure her husband or the father is a very good-looking guy, too, and Lori Loughlin is a timeless beauty. No, it was such a weird thing. I know I've come on here and have talked about how I believe in manifestations

and the law of attraction and what you put out into the universe gives back. Never in my life since I've watched Full House as a kid have i ever talked about aunt becky like ever like i just like watched her in the show like it's so weird how like when you watch well you guys know there's celebrities that come in here all the time i feel like when we're kids we don't think that they live regular lives and that we can actually interact with them until you're older and you're like well one they live outside of a movie set or a tv set like house like they live in san francisco me in that house all the time they always look the same i mean uncle jesse and laurie laughlin

are together yeah in my mind they actually how old are their twins now i know i know they're like probably the age they were when they were doing full house it was like uh still the bowl cuts they could barely talk you know i think it was stamos's birthday or something the other day and she commented on his Instagram being like, you know, I couldn't have had a better, like, work husband or something like that. And I wanted to be like, no, come on. You guys are together for real. Yeah, work.

All right. Give me a break. So anyway, last week in L.A., I had brought up – I had these new flowers in my apartment, and her opening in Full House is she smells the flowers, and it's like everywhere you look everybody you know you know how they have like that cheesy opening and I was like I feel like Aunt Becky and I started doing that and they were laughing and I just just said it

randomly an hour later I get the flyer because I was always going to the Hamptons like for the last two months for for this Bella magazine appearance um my jewelry line campaign just dropped and it was in the cover magazine of Lori Loughlin for Bella magazine. So it's like her cover and my campaign just dropped. So sure enough, when I go to the event for Bell magazine in Hampton, cover star is going to be there. She's like, and I'm like, what? I have never even thought of this woman. Didn't even know she had an Instagram account. Sure enough. Now we're taking pictures together. We're talking like she's nice, right? Does she never age? Yeah, I know.

She's up there with, like, Christy Brinkley and J-Lo and Beck and Sale. People are, like, aging backwards. Yeah, Benjamin Button. Is her daughter... When you get rich, you start taking young people's blood. Yeah, that's how it works. It's some get-out shit.

Is her daughter, like, a model or anything? Or is she just... I'm not sure. I didn't even know about her daughter until i started following laurie and then i was like oh my gosh she's got a daughter with a million followers would you would you want to be looks like a model i think she is like i think about like christy um christy brinkley's daughter who she's very pretty yeah kaya crawford cindy's daughter i feel like that's gotta be kind of tough no i don't i mean how tough can it be? Well, it's tough for girls.

The world of girls is very different. But yes, at the end of the day, it's a good thing. Like, you're probably living the high life. But when it's like, and these girls all turned out very pretty themselves. But if you didn't and people were comparing. Yeah, totally. I remember, I'm not a big Kardashian fan, but we've all seen our fair share of keeping up with Kardashians. But I remember Kendall saying one time, like, talking about how people have

criticized her for, like, oh, of course you're a successful runway member. Of course you're going to be successful in anything you do. And she was like, actually, I feel like I've had to work ten times harder to prove myself. Because at the end of the day, it's me, myself, and I walking down the runway. I don't have Kim. I don't have the show production crew. Like, it's me

that's being judged. And she was like, I feel like I have to work ten times harder. So, it's kind of, like like good and the bad on a balance. Yeah, it's like if your last name is Brinkley or Crawford on a set, like, it's going to help you, but there's definitely going to be people who are like, the only reason you're here is because of your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

Well, yes, because I'm fucking hot because of my mom, but whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. It is. It's going to drive my mom's genes. Right. But everything else, I took it and ran with it. Totally.

All right, let's get into some voicemails. We're going to hear from the people. What do we got, Logan? Hey, KFC, Spice, Super Producer. So I had a pretty weird dream last night, and one of the parts that took out to me was I got a text message on my phone from Feidelberg saying, hey, we want to come do an event at UMass Amherst and we need your help.

So clearly KSU Radio has become a pretty big part of my life to the point where I'm dreaming about it. And it got me wondering, what are some weird dreams that you guys have had that have stemmed from something that's just like happening a lot in your life? And also, when are you guys going to come do an event at umass amherst i missed the first part i missed it was a dream i did not text anybody about umass that was actually i was not concerned for you because she seemed like a nice sweet girl but um i thought that she was going to say that she had a dream that you texted her and then she woke up and you had texted her because that has happened to me.

The manifestation. No, that has happened to me many, many times. You have a dream about someone texting you, you wake up and they did. Yes. That's creepy. It's weird. And it's super weird because Coach Ferrer is my lacrosse coach from high school. I didn't even know that I had her.

I've had the same phone number since I was in seventh grade. Oh, wow. That's like your life. Yeah. So, but here's the thing I did. I've like forgot I had her, her phone number from when I was in high school. And I had a dream that I ran into her in the halls of my high school. And then she texted, I like woke up and she was the only text on my phone. And I was like, I haven't talked to you since high school. And she had texted me just being like, Hey, seeing everything you're doing doing like congrats on all the success blah blah blah and I was like that was weird see that she like it was like I'm wondering some ghosts or some shit was I

dreaming and then like it came through my phone and then how did I but I didn't even see the text so it's weird that's guys creeps me out that creeps you out creeps me out it is no it is creepy yeah but and that's not even Becky that's not even the first time that's happened. Yeah, maybe you're just like a witch. Yeah. All right, you guys. No, but I am creepy myself all around. You could be like a good witch.

You took such offense to that. You could do just good witches and bad witches. You ever seen Wizard of Oz? Yeah. You act like Larry Laughlin. I'm Glenda. The good witch. The pink dress.

And then next month, you're hanging out with Larry Laughlin, and you have a dream about Coach. Oh, this is another one of our romantic comedies. What? We've written like five or six romantic comedies. Have you produced them? You're going to be the girl. It'll be called like In My Dreams will be the name of this movie.

Okay. And like everything you dream like comes to life the next day in like small little forms. Not like you can just dream everything up, but like you dream about a boy and then the boy like you go on a date with him. That's such a predictable movie. Yeah. Well, guess what? It's a fucking formula.

Where's the plot twist? We'll figure it out. One day you wake up and your dreams didn't come true and you're like, oh, shit. We'll figure out that part. Plot twist halfway through

turns into Freddy Krueger. There we go. Yeah, and then at the end you're murdering people. Great romantic comedy. That's not what I... Oh, you wanted a plot twist? Well, we gave you one.

Who said it was a romantic comedy now? That can't be a... Romantic horror movie. That's not a rom-com anymore. I hate horror movies. Speaking of romantic comed now? That can't be a... Romantic horror movie. I hate horror movies. Speaking of romantic comedies, last night I had a nightmare that was just about I had too many weddings to go to. That's a real life nightmare. That's actually a real life nightmare.

That's a real life fucking nightmare. It was basically 27 dresses. I was like changing my suit and cars and stuff like that. Can we talk about... I had 13 in one summer. But like to go to them or you were in them? Just go to them. I was in a couple, but I wasn't in all of them. When you're in them it's like. I have a friend of mine who

talk about the worst summer ever. He's in nine weddings. Like you're too good of a friend at that point. He moved back to his hometown from Boston to Buffalo. Like his summer was in Buffalo for the weddings. He's just like was in Buffalo for the weddings.

He's just like, I'm moving for the summer. Rather than go back and forth, I'll just move to Buffalo for the summer. I'm like, I literally called him. He called me the other day, like, catch up. And I was like, how many more weddings you got, bro? And he's like, four. I'm like, oh, my God. I mean, it's one thing for the guys.

I guess you got to rent tuxes. It's sort of the same shit. But the girls, I feel so bad for girls. All weddings I've been in, we don't rent tuxes. It's sort of the same shit. But the girls, I feel so bad for girls. See, I don't, all weddings I've been in, we don't rent tuxes. We buy suits. Yeah, I mean, at least there's actually some value in that. Why? I don't find myself wearing a suit too often.

Well, do the guys in the wedding always make you wear black suits or the white shirt? Or it changes, right? No, it changes, yeah. I've had tan, navy blue, light blue. And then you'd buy every color? Yeah. Wow. I still, for girls, I mean, being a bridesmaid is like the worst thing ever.

Have you ever? It's like a whole fucking. No. No. I keep my circle very small. Yeah, you should. And we're all not engaged. Yeah.

It's like a whole, it's not even just like a day. It's like the whole year is going to be like events. Yeah. The bachelorette party, the shower, then the weekend of you're like, you got to go like 25 hours early to get your hair and makeup done. You got to have this yeah i was recently asked because i have two sisters and a brother and i was asked you know which one would be your maid of honor and i was like that's easy my sister that's actually responsible because there's so much planning that goes into my other sister's like a mini me like procrastinates like i'll do that later she's like yeah of course it's not yeah

yeah 100 as the irresponsible one in like friend and families, we're self-aware. I'm like, yeah, that's not my job. I do not feel bad. Do not put me in a wedding. I'll dance. I'll support you. I'm the best man in a wedding, and I wasn't even given the opportunity to play in the bachelor party. He was like, you're the best man.

You just focus on the speech in six months. Just show up. You will handle the bachelor party. Because I was the best man in a different wedding two years ago, three years ago. And we got to the bachelor party in Nashville. And they're like, so what's planned? We're like, we don't have any plans. No, we don't have any plans.

You're lucky I booked a hotel, dude. That is the best kind of bachelor party. Plans are the worst. The big steak dinner on a bachelor party? Nope. No thank you. I don't have any plans. You're lucky I booked a hotel, dude. That is the best kind of bachelor party. Plans are the worst. The big steak dinner on a bachelor party? Nope. No thank you. I don't think I want. No reservations?

No. I think my sister's perfect for it, too, because she's, like, such a good, like, she is the favorite. But, like, I wouldn't want one of those, like, cheesy bachelor parties where you have, like, penis straws and, like, all the, like, banners that's, like, one guy for sex for the rest of your life. Like, I don't want that shit. I just want to get all my girls together.

Yeah. All the bathing suits with like, we're all drunk. Drunk, drunk, drunk, drunkest. The bride wears like white. Everyone else wears like black. I had, I went to one. It was, it wasn't even mine. It was my girlfriend's.

We're like, she was like, we just do everything together. And I went and I don't know mine it was my girlfriend's we're like she was like we just do everything together and i i went and i don't know why i went it's actually weird but we all wore white and she wore orange and it was like at most you guys were all in white and i wasn't even like her friend she just was so she was like my girlfriend was like no you don't understand she's like loves everybody and i came she's like i'm so happy you're here and i was like yeah we're white for your thing as you requested this is so weird it's so weird she actually listens came she's like I'm so happy you're here and I was like yep we're white for your thing as you requested this is so weird it just gets so weird she actually listens to this she's probably gonna freak out

what's up girl next up not gonna lie I didn't think you'd have a legit voicemail that was impressive but I am drunk also I

have a question for you and I want to know honestly what makes a girl funny because I asked my boyfriend I think I'm funny I probably sound drunk right now but I think I'm funny

and also like you know there's a lot of things I want to drunk right now, but I think I'm funny. Are you? And also, like, you know, there's a lot of things I want to say right now. I don't think you should address this. Like, girls have too much to say. So, like, I'm getting off track. I'm never going to hear this. Self-aware. Fucking nothing.

I'm nothing. I'm an asshole. God damn it. That's it. That's it. Oh, my God. Did she come on the show? That's number one.

That's number one. One more voice in the whole time. Come on. Talk. That's number one. That was incredible. I'm an asshole I'm nothing

I'm nothing oh my god girls talk too much and they get off track and this is nothing now that was amazing we need to get her on this show

for real you can call in you can maybe host the show with us I also think you should address this like girls have too much to say so like i'm getting off track and i'm never gonna hear this voicemail

again so this is fucking well she's gonna hear it now i'm nothing i'm an asshole god damn it that is so good so what makes a girl funny being drunk like that yourself not re-recording that voicemail and letting it go that was well said yeah being authentically yourself and i'll be like oh wait let me redo it and there really was a level of self-awareness in there that was great i'm I'm drunk and I'm rambling. Yeah. Like, just knowing that is key because a lot of girls can't recognize that either. That is amazing.

I mean, that was... I think that was number one. Yeah. I mean, that was... There has been better questions, obviously. We didn't even get to the question.

Do you want to know what that is? But, I mean, that actual performance is the number one voiceover. That's like when you're... If you're drunk

and you set your phone up and you take a video that you never share with the world and you're's like when you're if you're drunk and you like set your phone up and you take a video that you never share with the world and you're just like I no but like

those videos I mean I do them a lot like not on not on like I'm drunk but if I have to do like a quick like advertisement swipe up video

I do like a thousand of those yeah so but usually the first time you're like if that one went live like that would actually be funny but I'm not gonna put

that one out but that's not what the company wants but that's the one that one went live, like that would actually be funny. But I'm not going to put that one out. That's not what the company wants. But that's the one that would sell, honestly, because it's just real. The second one probably wouldn't have been funny. That was perfect. Nothing! Nothing! I'm an asshole!

God damn it! We need to like work that into the intro or something. It's spoken for KC Radio. Nothing! Nothing! that into the intro or something. It's Logan McKay, C-Radio, nothing! I mean, the real question, the real answer,

I mean, there is, yes, like self-awareness and be authentic, that's true. Yeah. I think those are two main ones.

Yeah, I think awareness is really key. Yeah, because the truth of the matter is, and it's not fair, but it's true,

there are double standards, so there are things that a guy can say that people think are funny, and if a girl says it, it's not funny. That sucks, but it's true. There are double standards. So there are things that a guy can say that people think are funny and if a girl says it, it's not funny. It sucks, but it's true. So if that girl is making these jokes, making these references, saying these things,

the fact of the matter is the room is going to be turned off by it. Is that fair? No. Is that the reality? Yes. So being self-aware and being like, if I was a dude, people would laugh, but I'm a girl, so they're not. That's just a fact. I think this is part of being self-aware too. like, if I was a dude, people would laugh, but I'm a girl. So they're not. That's just a fact. And I think, I think, I think this kind of is part of being self-aware too, is like, just like being your kind of funny, even if like you're corny funny, just stay corny funny.

Always stay in your lane. The most annoying thing to me on Twitter is when like someone replies with your shtick or something like that. It's like, you won't say that. I already made the joke. Yeah. I don't need to repeat it back to me. Right.

And it doesn't happen to me that often because I don't really have much of a shtick. With PFT, people always reply to PFT with like PFT's thing. No, PFT's great at his thing. He does it better than you. Don't try and be his thing. Just be your own thing. No doubt. I was listening to – I was watching that girl Eliza.

I was watching all her stand-up specials, and she had this long Instagram post about how like 15 years later in her career, she's finally just now gotten to, you're a funny comic. Not, you're funny for a girl. Not, you're the funniest girl comedian I've ever heard. That's it. You're funny. Right.

Yeah, you are funny. And it was cool. It was a positive post, but it was also a fuck you to everyone who's been of been holding me back. Totally. But that sucks, too. It's like you're going to have to be probably like twice as funny as the average fucking dude who makes it being funny. Yeah, without a doubt.

Next up. What's up, beta boys? I was in Miami this weekend with a girl. I've been chatting up. We were walking to a liquor store out by our hotel around 1 a.m and we walked past this strip club you know I kind of got to make the joke like oh shit you know like we should go in and be a fun little night next thing I know you know we're paying $20 for a cover and some top of singles for some titties and it was this girl's you know kind of first time being in a strip club and she

was vibing with this dancer like making eye contact like giving her singles in nice places she comes around and starts collecting and um she kind of stops with my girl and chats with her for a minute next thing i know i'm getting my shoulder tapped on for 150 bucks for the vip room and next thing i know she grabs the girl and looked by the hand and just walks her back to the VIP room and then came back 45 minutes later and like slammed the rest of her drink and left. I'm waiting to find out what happened. I don't even know if I want to know because I was so jealous that I just sat there. Fuck that.

I want to know. And she was back there doing something fun. I mean, it's tough to get left behind, right? You go to a strip club with a girl. Are you a strip? I feel like you're a strip club girl. go to a strip club with a girl. Are you a stripper? I feel like you're a strip club girl. I literally just thought you were going to say, are you a stripper? I was like, are you out of your mind?

No, I'm not a strip club girl. Like, I've been to 11 in Miami before. That's about it. I could see you. I am guilty of getting a massage. Not going to lie. Yeah, yeah. You can either get the lap dance or get the massage.

Like, literally sober getting a massage, like, in the strip club. Like, just being like, thank you so much. And then, like. Like, oh, hit that. Hit that knot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had a buddy at Centerfolds in Boston who went, and it was like, he wasn't sober, but it was like, no, nothing sexual.

Like, just my shoulder right here i just put down my neck a little wrong just work that out and he like for like seven songs this guy's been holding up another 20 like nope not out yet don't go anywhere like shiatsu yeah i uh i feel like you you could be like a strip club girl because like you like to dance i could see you like dancing not on stage, but dancing with the strippers, having a good time. No, I actually remember going up to, because it's kind of like a performance. At 11, there's a nightclub, there's a DJ, and then in the center, they dance. And if I see a girl upside down doing a split, I'm like, that's damn impressive.

You're strong. You're an athlete. It's acrobatic shit, yeah. You can write on your resume, stripper slash athlete. You are. So I'm like always like very impressed or like i'll go i'll give them like a standing out like i don't think they're appreciated um no but i actually thought that voicemail was gonna go a lot different i thought he was gonna be like and then i made the joke and then she made the have made the joke like she like yeah no we fought the rest of the night about how i'm just not enough well that i was that was sometimes that's a good one put that in the romantic comedy 100 you could take that scene in there sometimes you need to

make the joke i i like so i i think i got lost a little bit the girlfriend came out of the vip room slammed her drink and left yeah yeah went back with the stripper. She went to the VIP. So the stripper came over, tapped him on the shoulder. He paid, like, $150. She takes the girl into the VIP. And then she came out to get a drink and go back in the VIP room? I think so.

No, she said she slammed the drink and left. I think she, like, took the drink instead of, like, acknowledging her man that walked in. Either way, when you get left and your girl goes into the VIP, I mean, you maybe hear a great story later, but... 150 bucks for 45 minutes in the VIP. Great deal. Yeah, but you know what?

Maybe make it like, you know, 20-something minutes and you get to both go in there because you're sitting back in the regular fucking stage while your girlfriend's in the VIP. It's a tough look. It's not great, yeah. Camille, thank you as always. We appreciate you coming through.

It's always a pleasure with you guys. You can see her on Sports Illustrated, follow her on Twitter. Well, not at Twitter because that's for tough look. It's not great, yeah. Camille, thank you as always. We appreciate you coming through. It's always a pleasure with you guys. You can see her on Sports Illustrated. Follow her on Twitter. Well, not at Twitter because that's for old people. Follow her on Instagram. Is it just Camille Kostic? Yeah, on Twitter and Instagram, yeah. And next time you're here, always come through.

See you guys.