KFC Radio - Quickie: John Turns 30

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

Happy birthday, John FeitelbergYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Another edition of KFC Radio, it's a Monday Quickie. I'm KFC, alongside my host, John Henry Feidelberg. He clocks in today at 29 years and 364 days of age. That's me. Another 24 hours before your boy

hits the big 3-0. Now, some people have said to me, wait, John's not 30 yet? And then some people go, holy shit, that kid's 30? I think that's right where I want to live.

I love that. That's a good spot. And half the population is like, wow, that guy really doesn't have his shit together. And the other population is like, wait, I would have thought he was like well past 30.

That means you're doing something right, something wrong, living good. Half the people are always going to not like you. That's a fact. What's up? Yeah, I mean, that's where that means you're doing some things that are still like you're living. And you're doing other things that gives you the vibe of a mature man. Oh, don't think that's it i think you get a little bit of both i think it's just i've been here for so fucking long yeah that's true you just got you got miles on you bro yeah you know what you know like i've been listening to this for seven years reading me for nine right

it's like he has to be 40 yeah it's almost like when you lease a car and they're like you can do like four years or 40,000 miles, you know, it's like, we're going to hit the miles first. We're going to put miles on you. You're going to put the miles on. I turned that bitch over when I was about 26. Yeah.

I mean, you, you, you've been here. A lot of people have been here from the jump, but, uh, just not,

you know, as long or not as exposed. You know, Keith has been here basically the jump but uh just not you know as long yeah or not and not as exposed you know keith has been here basically straight out of college as well um definitely right out of college as well but you know he's just a little more behind the scenes i mean you've watched john physically grow watch john that wasn't necessary i'm just saying like not not well listen you that speaks volumes about how you took that. I meant, like, you see different haircuts. You do see weight gain and this and that, but you also see different styles. You see different everything.

You've seen it emotionally. You've seen it mentally. You've seen everything. Now we'll see you in your 30s. Yeah. I really don't give a shit. Nah. I mean, it's.

I got a text last night from a friend who she said, are you have you started panicking about 30 yet? And she said she said, right? Yeah. And that's it. And I mean, say no more. My response was, you're still gonna have sex with me, right? She said, yes. Then I'm not worried.

I'm good then. Yeah. At whatever age that stops, then I'll worry about it. Then I'll panic. Now, that's a girl. If you start second guessing sex with me, then I'm worried about it then i'll panic now that's a girl if you start second guessing sex with me then i'm worried about my age i mean i i so the other day jared was like i'm 29 and i was like all right we're not that different and i in my head i was 30 in my head i was like i'm only

one year older than jared and then i realized i'm not i realized i'm four years older than jared and i was like but even that three that's still fit yeah yeah i'm fine i'm fine but i'm saying that was still the first time that I was like, wait a minute. I don't even know how old I am anymore. I'm still vastly under-aging myself here. I think if a couple more years, I think when I hit mid-30s, I might have a moment of mortality. I don't think ages exist anymore. Anymore, yeah.

I agree with that. You have brackets of age. Yeah. And not. It's almost like times of your life. And you know what it really comes down to is once you've had kids, it's like, do you have kids or not? It's like, at first, like, are you married or not? And then it's like, do you have kids or not? And if you have neither of those, your child, you could be 50 and your child and it, or you could be 20 and you have wife and kids. You're an adult. Yeah. I can see that. So I used to always think that way with my younger friend when I was younger and I had younger friends and I said, I felt 10 years older than them when I was younger and I had younger friends. And I said, I felt 10 years older than them when I was 22 and they were 18 or 19 or whatever it was. They turned 21.

I'm 24. We're the same age now. And then I get to like 27 and I'm a little older than you now. Right. And they hit their mid-20s. They're good. We're the same age again. So it's like you get ahead, like two steps forward, then one step, and they catch up to you.

It's kind of, and I guess 30 might be a new one. I guess 30 would be a new bracket. But I also, I've been this way my whole life where I didn't have friends my age. You were always, well, because you went to that weird fake school, college thing where all of a sudden you were 13 years old and you were like fucking and doing drugs. All my friends were always, I was friends with,

I played with varsity sports, so I was always friends with like the juniors and seniors and the older kids and then um like in my life once i got to here my friend and it's not way older than me but always about three years older than me yep so i always feel older than i actually am yeah so i don't really care yep it's not really a big deal for me i feel that i i don't feel like i'm getting older i feel like i'm getting closer with my friends. Yeah, even though it's funny because it's always the same age. Like you said, there's different brackets of life, but it's

always going to be the same. I will feel much closer to you tomorrow morning. Yeah, absolutely. And you know what? I will be able to remember your age. I'll know you're 30. I have no idea. I did not know how old you were. I'm always like, how old are you, birth because it could have been 20 i knew it was 27

i had no idea it was 27 28 or 29 for like three years well you knew it was 27 because i had a breakdown well that was a 26 i think i think it was 27 because i think it was a classic you know club 27 is the thing and i think but i think i had it a year early which i guess makes sense because you're always aging up a little bit. Yeah, so now I'll be like, oh yeah, fights is 30. And now we're at the same age. Yeah, that's it. Now we're in the same bracket.

But you're still a child because you don't have any children. And then once you hit 35, we'll be in different brackets again. And that's kind of almost like tax brackets where it's not a bracket per salary. It's here's a group of salaries. If you fall in this group, that's what you owe. I do think 40 will fuck me up. I think 40 sucks. Yeah?

Well, I mean, it depends on where I'm at when I'm 40. If I'm fucking killing life and we're all millionaires because of this place, yeah. I don't care how old I am. I could be 1,000, whatever. If we're still literally doing just this and I'm 4- and I'll probably be like fat by then and shit. I might be like, life's almost over. See,

I also think, you know, I don't think I'll, you know, it's one of those things you don't know until you're there. But even sitting here, 40 doesn't scare me. 50 doesn't scare me.

I think 50 is awesome. I think 40 sucks. 50, 50, you come back around and then you can start to be like the distinguished fucking Silver Fox and all that other shit. Oh, 50. You get your Clooney on. My dad's 50th, we did the exact opposite of becoming distinguished.

My dad's 50th was. You got dirty again? We had a big blowout party at our house, and it ended with me, my dad, my brother, and one of my buddies having a food fight in the kitchen. And we were doing it. I love your dad. Like we were Marines. like we were marines. Then we'd pop up and whip an orange.

Dude, I love your dad. He's great. He is fucking awesome. He'll be here tonight. He's coming for the 30th. See, that's what I'm saying though. Whether or not you feel it or care to acknowledge it,

everyone else is going to treat 30 as a bigger deal. Your family, I don't know, right? No, your family always comes through for your birthdays like this? I don't know, but tonight we're doing something. Tonight we're going to OAR. But you don't think there was some element of your family being like, we're going to go because it's John's 30th? If there wasn't OAR. If it was 29 and you had OAR, would they come?

Probably. Because also, I don't know if you know this me and my little sister same birthday so it's her birthday i did not that always fucks me up i have a friend who has the same situation and i don't know about you but he tells me like when whenever he tells people that it like fucks them up they're like wait what yeah it's like when are you twins like no it just happens to be that it is weird as shit it's yeah it's like when are you twins like no it just happens to be that it is weird as shit it's crazy it's same day what how many years apart uh it's eight it's gonna be 22 yeah yeah he was five years apart same day it's just a weird it's weird for sure and i remember when my i guess it's like you know your parents are on some sort of schedule well no it's always ray Bork's retirement night.

That's what I mean. Yeah, there was something about it. The night Ray Bork's number got retired when he took off Esposito's jersey and put seven to the rafters. Things got sexy. That was the night I was conceived. I know it for a fact. I've never explicitly been told it, but I know it.

Today is St. Patrick's Day. But I honestly think the main thing for them Coming down Isn't my 30th Or it's not my It's OAR No I don't think It's OAR either I think

Neely My little sister She Really wants to meet The chicks in the office Oh So this is about her I think of course

Yeah Dude it's It's wild with her The things that we've Done In our careers She doesn't give a shit about We've done some We've done. The things that we've done in our careers. She doesn't give a shit about what you're doing. We've done some cool stuff.

We've done some fucking cool stuff. And I don't expect a text being like, oh my God, that was so amazing. I don't expect that at all. But the night I was at Rhea's 21st birthday party. She was gassed out. You're at Rhea's birthday party? Nearly. She's the same way with them.

She's like, they're just so funny. I was like, what about my shit? Yeah. Huh? You never once told me I'm funny. I don't want to. I don't want to listen to my shit. But still, pretend you listen and tell me I'm funny.

Absolutely. That's what you can do for my birthday. Pretend you listen to the podcast and tell me, that was really funny. I'll know you're lying. You'll know you're lying. Good for the chicks in the office, bro. They're crushing it, right? Their podcast is uh their their podcast is like about to catch up to us fuck i was like just slow down girls they also um their instagram started out at 92 percent male

and it's now an eight percent girls and now it's 60 40 really so like they're doing exactly their job of like garnering the female audience. That's awesome. Yeah. It's huge. Uh, so fights will be 30, 21 year old idiots.

I guess I am a little worried. I wonder though. So like if, um, you know, you age doesn't matter, like you said, but age like really doesn't matter here for better or worse.

You have like, Oh, cause we work in Neverland. Yeah. Like this is 1000 percent dave is you know a man child for the for the worse i think i think you can kind of be a man child for the better i think i think if you manage it right at barstool i've always tried to age appropriately and obviously things have gone completely off the tracks here but i still was like i'm just gonna like try to be normal here and i think it's probably would have been a better idea to just not to acknowledge that it ain't normal here it's not but it's also that i don't i don't think and i don't think you explicitly

thought about it for your career i think people just do that as they age they think okay i should do this i just do this for sure and obviously i don't have a mind that functions normally so i don't consider that i've never thought that i'm this age i should be here well i was never 21 being thinking i'm 21 i should be in college not on a couch doing yeah yeah yeah blinks of the day right right right this is what makes me happy right now so that's what i'm gonna do i'm not i'm definitely not that way but i'm not like i need i was it wasn't like i need to be married with kids by the time i'm 30 or something like that. I feel like girls mostly do that more than guys.

But I definitely was my mantra was always like be normal, you know. So it was like at this age, you're supposed to work. And at this age, if you're dating someone seriously, like probably settle down. You want to have some kids. My main thing was I didn't want to be like an old ass dad. I'm like, I mean, basically, I'm like 50 right now. So if I were if I were to pop out kids, I was like 40. I'd be like dead by the time I'm 50.

So that all like played into it. But it wasn't specifically like a five-year plan type shit. But I was going to just try to fall in like those brackets you talk about when I think probably it would have been a little more beneficial to be like, this is not a traditional life. So I can't do everything else traditionally. I think you're the reason why these numbers don't matter at all to you is because i think you've just accepted and maybe even pre it sounds like pre barstool but certainly within barstool it's like these numbers are not going to apply to us no they're they're not at all and to me they never really have because i explained i had

older friends and like the numbers really didn't matter it was you know my doctor paid attention to it i didn't really yeah they're often very oftentimes paid attention to it. I didn't really. There are often, very often times when I'm asked, how old are you? And I don't know. I'll definitely take a B. I can,

I'll have to think. Yeah, I thought I was 30 the other day. 33. I usually subtract four from my brother. That's weird. I know my brother's age right off the bat. And I just take four off. See,

I don't know anyone's age off the bat. I really don't know anybody's age off the bat. I did the math. You truly don't give a fuck about ages. It just doesn't, it's not a thing i consider because i just like i said it sounds weird coming from me where i i do agree with the be normal mantra but also like be happy yeah and that that sounds like a weird message coming from me yeah well this is the inherent thing that's funny about us is like we always i think i probably joke a little more about it than

you do but like we're depressed or we don't have self-esteem and it's always i always think that if we're joking about it it's less serious like like my my my true demons are not going to be really aired out publicly like i think i do it yeah that's what i'm saying we are different yeah like like i i, I always joke around. Everything I say is half joking, probably half rude. We talked about that the other day. Yeah, it's about 50-50. It's everything.

It's because we were talking. We did that. We had the video the other day where we had to do a newspaper article, and we kind of had a quick interview about it. And one of the questions was, is all of your job joking or is some of it serious yeah and it's it's it's 70% joking total jokes 30% we're we're being serious but we're smiling while we're doing yeah and I think all of it is always rooted in some sort of like reality or like some sort of attempt to to tell it like it is um. But as much as I'm always joking about, like,

we don't have self-esteem and we're depressed and there are reasons for that, I think ultimately we're actually, like, pretty easygoing guys who are always actually, like, pretty chill and laid back. And there are people here and other people in my life that I know that are much more actually like that. You know what I mean? Where it's like, if we're out at the bar, we're, like, a good time. You know what I mean? Where it's like if we're out at the bar. We're like a good time.

You know what I mean? I don't know that I am. You are. You are. I mean you are. Like we are. I'm not doing. I'm like talkative.

But I'm acting. Like then I'm acting. All right. Whatever then. If I'm personable and talking. And I'm thinking the whole time. I can't wait until this is over. Please stop.

Please stop. Please stop. I'm panicking right now. You really do have that social. What they said to you, you really do have social awkwardness or whatever. Well, I mean, happy birthday, man. Thank you. We'll see how OAR goes.

That's a pretty dope birthday present. If you could have fucking told me when I was, if you told me when I was 17. When you were like losing your virginity to OAR, that for my 30th birthday, we'll be at OAR and we'll know the band special guests. Yeah. And we'll know the band. And like my parents will be there.

And like maybe lots of my friends from high school there playing the tambourine on stage. I'd be like, I will sign up for that right fucking now. So as much as I complain and say I have, you know, shit like that, I've,

for my first 30 years, I probably wouldn't change anything. That's what I'm saying. Like as much as we like complain about it all. And again, there are reasons for all that shit. At the end of the day, it's kind of one of those things where,

you know, you get to the end of the season and it's like, Whoa, this team wasn't supposed to make it here. You know, if you would, if you would have been offered before the season started, the Mets losing the world series Series you would have taken that yeah yeah

if you told me when I was a fucking sophomore in high school that 30 years old you're at OER concert with like your family and friends and yeah I'm in I mean I also I mean like my life is completely jacked up now and I'm just like I don't know figure it out yeah you know I mean there's like a level of that where it's like, well, things have gone horribly wrong. And I'm still like, well, you only got one of these. So I might as well make the best of the remainder of it. Yeah. Let me just figure it out.

You have another 40 years to figure it out. Plenty of fucking time. Probably like 20 years. Dude, you know what's crazy? Life expectancy. Yeah, I know. I remember when I was younger, it was 72. And now I feel like my whole life is just 72.

Wait, what? It's going up. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, oh, okay. But I younger, it was 72. And now for my whole life, it's just 72. Wait, what? Like, like it's going up. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. Oh, I'm always just like 72. Right. Yeah. So I mean, Time magazine put out an article like a year ago that said right now someone's

being born that will live to 200. That's bullshit. And I was like, no fucking shot. But even if we get like remotely close to that, if you tell me that someone's going to be pushing like a buck 30 right now, if you told me i have a hundred more years no way no thank you they better legalize suicide by that point what what what good can come from i'll certainly say from like 90 to 130 and probably more like like 80 to 130 and is the quality of life, is it you're extended? Is your 50s are extended?

Because I'm down with that. Yeah. Or is it your 90s are extended? Right, right. If when I'm 100, I can do things like I'm 60, fine. But if it's all just like you can be on bed rest for 40 more years. No, thank you, humanity. Depends what shows are coming out.

It depends on how good Netflix is by the time you know it's 20 2100 that's the dream right that's what we're all working towards we're working towards 40 years in bed that's true that's called retirement man that's what the goal is get to

40 years in bed well you made it through 30 try to get you 100 more man happy birthday John thanks man