KFC Radio - Quickie: MDW Tuesday - Top 5 Worst Day of the Year

Episode Date: May 29, 2018

 We're back from Memorial Day Weekend and miserable, listing out the other worst days of the year You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Track 1 is set to take input 6. Right? So you still... So do I need to add tracks? No. Well, are you playing voicemails? Can you talk into the mic? Check, check, check. Track 5.

So mic whatever into track 5? That should be on... Oh, what's he on? He's on track 5. Yeah. If you expand it... So the tracks are... This way?

Yeah. So the tracks... Oh, over here. Are taking input six. So it's the inputs, not the tracks. Right. Cherry pie is a funny song to play. So, yeah, and this is how you obviously tune the audio levels.

Okay. Same thing. Yep. But basically... All levels. Okay. And they're all the same thing. Yep. Yeah. But basically it's... All right. It's a Tuesday KFC radio special. Quickie edition today. ZYX, WV, UTS, RQP.

Oh, no. I was just going. Oh. We're not doing mic checks? Yeah, no. I was just going to go. Oh, okay. So, you can see where we're at.

Everyone's a little sluggish. Everyone's a little slow. We didn't do a mic check. We always do mic checks. Well, I mean, it's my fault. My brain's mush on the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I've been preaching this for a long time, John. It's one of the top five worst days of the year.

Is it? I disagree with that. It depends on where you're at in life, and that's why I'm happy to do it. That's why I'm happy to have this discussion today because here at Barstool Sports, we grow, we evolve, we change. And, yeah, I think when you're a young man or woman and you go real hard on memorial day that tuesday at your desk is brutal it's it's tough it's brutal but and like i mean like i've done many a time the fagawi have said this before a lot the fagawi

ferry home. The morning train? Do you go on the morning ferry or do you guys go home the night of? I'm usually an afternoon. I'm usually get up, get out. In the morning? Yeah. So you've milked as much time as you can and you're coming back and you're going right to work.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm the morning of Monday. Okay, got you. I'm Monday morning. Get the fuck out of there i feel you um the uh that that that ferry is always it's worse than a triage unit like you see that in the movies when it when like you know an asteroid just hit earth or something like that and they just have like people laying around the hospital they don't know hospital rooms. They don't have enough rooms.

It's people just strewn about hanging on benches and just like sweatshirts over their faces. Some of us can't even face the world at all. There was one time, one ferry back where we decided. I went back Monday morning. My buddy lives in Osterville. And we went to his house for Monday and just drank all day and just watched TV. Didn't do anything. And I drove back to work Tuesday morning.

But on that ferry, when we decided we were just going to keep ripping it, we were... I mean, people on that ferry hated us. I was going to say, you're the most hated man in the world. They hated Hitler. They were people just truly despised. All you're trying to do is just recover and forget what you just did, and these two assholes are just still hooting and hollering. One buddy just kept yelling. I'm surprised I didn't throw you overboard.

My dad's gay. I don't know why. What? It was the funniest thing I ever heard. No, it wasn't, John. No, it was not. I was in tears like oh oh you got a problem my day my gay dad you're lucky you weren't killed i totally am i mean like

everyone you could everything ranging from murder to a pie in the face would have been fucking fair game for you assholes on that on that fucking ferry i don't have anything like like fagali was like you know what people from your crowd do, from your place do. I was, you know, it could be Jersey, it could be the Hamptons, it could be home, it could be whatever. But, I mean, when you're young and you're ripping it, the better your weekend, the worse that Tuesday is. Yes, and I agree that the day it's not great, you're hungover.

You're really hungover. But hangovers happen. Yeah, but it's like a hangover on steroids because you've gone from like zero to 100. You probably haven't partied much coming out of the winter and like maybe a little bit through the spring. Spring doesn't even exist. Right. That's the thing. It's just like you go from like 40-degree weather to like summer and you go from – Did we have a spring in New. That's the thing. It's just like you go from like 40 degree weather to like summer and you go from.

Did we have a spring? No, absolutely. There's two seasons now. And so you go from like I was like hunkered up in my house to like I'm partying on the rooftop bar. I'm out of the beach or whatever. And you're probably getting sunburned if the weather is even remotely nice because your body's not ready for it and you don't put the sunblock on and you're you forget how to exist in the summer all of a sudden you're

drinking more than you've drank in months you're you're spending an ungodly amount of money because all these bars charge their covers and they jack the prices and and you go extra hard and extra long and you're excited so you probably make some bad bad decisions with an ex or a girl that you shouldn't be with. And so that Tuesday morning is not just like, oh, I drank too much. It's like I misbehaved. Dude, this is the kind of shit you do on Fagali. This happened at Fagali, but it's Memorial Day weekend. This is in my story.

My brother did it like two years ago. So he's wasted at 3 a.m. Absolutely shit-faced. And cab drives him off. I get lost at Fugali all the time too because you're never there and you're drunk the whole time. Yeah. So like I had one time I had a woman walk me home. She was like an elderly lady.

Our house, we were staying at like 374.5. We were like staying. There was another house. In the staying at like 374.5. We were like staying, there was another house. Yeah, yeah. In the garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I couldn't find it. And I'm roaming the streets and this elderly woman comes up and she's like, are you lost? Do you need help?

Yes, I do. And she like holding my hand walked me back to my house. This is one of those moments. It's like when Frankie Borelli passed out on the Long Island Railroad face down in the bathroom. Uh-huh. And a woman picked him up and placed him on the platform on the train, and it happened to be his stop.

And I was like, I think that was an angel. I think that was a guardian angel. Well, speaking of angels. So I think this could have been the same scenario for you. This one, my brother, so he gets dropped off in the middle of nowhere, as far as he's concerned, you know. And he sees lights on and activity at this place, and he decides

it must be a fucking house party. I'm going to go keep this train going. Oh, boy. Gets in there. It's a Spanish church. It's a house. It's a church. Oh, my God.

So, but then he's awkward. So, he just sits down. Stays. Because he's like, hey. So, and it's like mass is in session. Mass is in session. I don't know why. It's not Christmas.

Why would there be a mass? Well, the Spanish people, they just go 24-7. And he's, you know, they're all talking and people are looking at him and the pastor's preaching up top. And one guy who speaks English turns around and goes, he goes, they want you to go to the front. They want to pray for you. No!

And he goes to the front and they fucking prayed for him. Oh my God. Yo, that's like a true reality check. Like, look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe it's time to clean up my act a little bit. I wasn't even there. When a congregation of Hispanics are like, this boy needs Jesus. He needs our help.

This well-dressed white boy needs our help. I wasn't at Fagali that year, but the joke after. So that's exactly what I'm talking about. You got married last night, dude. You got fucking married to a Hispanic girl in Nantucket. I mean, that's the kind of hangover we're talking, though. It's all proportional. If you have a church of Spanish people praying for you, you went so hard the morning crash is that much harder so

it's you're right and that it is it's such a thing too to sit down because you don't want to be rude you know how church goes too it's so quiet and the door when it slams it's kind of like echoing and it's like everyone spins around you can't you can't sneak a church. It's very obvious when someone walks into a church. I did that so many times in college, like during the first week, where I walked into the wrong class. Wrong class, and you just stay? And I was like, well, I'm just going to sit here for the next hour, I guess. I mean, I do it all the time.

Like if I get out of the subway and I walk the wrong direction, I'll just keep walking that way until I can go all the way around the block because I don't want to do the stop and turn around where people go like, that guy didn't know where he was going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll pretend to be on the phone. What? Oh, it's actually back there.

Okay, I'll go back that way. I'll turn around because someone on the phone told me to. It's like the constant, you know, walk in with confidence. Like, well, you don't walk out sheepishly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. So the thing, like the other worst days of the year are usually the mental anguish that goes along with it like to me the the day after new year's is always the worst because you just came off of probably like a

nine day break between christmas and new year's and you had a blast with your family and christmas is great but now it's like everyone's gonna come back to work and come back that much harder and you're in the middle of the winter and it's miserable or the day after labor day where it's like everybody your bosses took off for the summer and now it's time to all work again and the summer fun is over and you got to get back you got your ass back to your cube the mental anguish that goes along with that you don't have that this yeah so this is why this one probably clocks in at five. I think the hangover and the sunburn and the bank account and maybe the itch on your dick is pretty depressing, but you know that you have summer in front of you.

You have three more months. But I'll also say this. Sometimes that's like, I have three more months of this. I usually hit that. Especially when you have a short week. So it's Tuesday, and you're like, I'll probably be back there by Thursday. It's a quick turnaround where you've got to gear up and do it again. Sometimes that can be fun.

Sometimes that can be like, oh, god damn it. I find it fun, but I do hit that wall. Because you still got that. This is like you just went through whatever they call hyperdrive. You went through hyperdrive this weekend. What do you mean what they call it? I don't know what that means. Like what Star Wars people call it.

Oh, okay. Got it. I didn't know if we were talking like sci-fi here. Yeah. You were in hyperdrive, and you just came out of it, but you're still going really fast. Yeah. So you might as well keep going, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But with Labor Day, that's when you crash into an asteroid. Yeah, you go hyperdrive into a fucking wall, into a planet. The Death Star blows you up. You're done with it. There's when you crash into an asteroid yeah you go hyperdrive into a fucking wall into a planet the Death Star blows you up you're done with it there's nothing left of you my butt is so itchy ew

dude gross I'm like I'm like a dog like just rubbing your asshole on the ground gross

when they pull their legs up and they scoot yuck dude I'll tell you almost worse than Labor Day for me when we used to do a full summer and i know you do that like every summer but we used to do like a month or every other weekend and shit like that there was a couple summers where we would get a house the entire time

and when you're on like your 12th 13th weekend like labor day was a welcome like i was throwing a party for labor day i'm like i done. I made it to the finish line. It was like the Sundays prior to that that I was like, fuck this. I've been fighting with my girlfriend for the entire summer straight. I spent all of my money by that point. I was sick of the same bars. I was sick of the same drinks. And Labor Day was a welcome change.

But again, these things all depend on where you're at in life. Because when you're 22 or 22 24 let it fucking rip when you're at when you're late 20s it's like you get a you get like four or five weeks in a row we're gucci i'm all set has always said like my whole life that fourth of july is in the summer and yeah and you know what that's a great way to do it too because it's you know obviously it's not but if you mentally say like this is the end it's like the rest is like extra yeah it's like bonus you're in bonus say this is the end, the rest is extra. It's like bonus. You're in bonus land for summer.

Now I do it where after the 4th of July, I put the governor on. And I start taking it easy a little bit. And then my birthday, mid-August, I let it rip again. One last little encore, if you will. Encore performance. Yeah. So, I mean, to me, I guess I would say if I had to throw it out there right now I would say

the five worst days of the year would be Memorial Day the day after Memorial Day the day after the Super Bowl Super Bowl's a tough one the day after

Christmas like New Year's and Labor Day that's actually four where's my fifth I always had a fifth day in there that was like

oh this one fucking sucks too I'll have to run it back through my cubicle blogs and find that five but to me

but again it's all and then really what you learn is when you hit a certain age not even a certain age when you hit

certain responsibilities in life they actually those days become, it evens out. Like all the other days are so bad, they catch up to those days, and those days don't seem as bad comparatively, and they drop down. And you meet somewhere in the middle where every single day is just meh. It's not like cripplingly depressing like when you're a young kid and Labor Day hits and you realize all the fun's over.

There's not like a knife through your heart, but it's not like cripplingly depressing like when you're a young kid and Labor Day hits and you realize all the fun's over. There's not like a knife through your heart. But it's just like, well, the knife's been in there for a while and I'm slowly bleeding out. Yes, yeah. I've hit the stage of death where I'm like euphoric. Yeah, like let me free. Everything is like the same. Yeah, the monotony. I mean euphoria is the exact opposite of the emotion you're feeling, but it's just kind of that stage of the death.

It's acceptance. You just accepted your fate. To me, there are no seasons anymore. People are like, oh, summer's here. It's like, oh, so now I just do what I do, but I sweat. And winter comes and it's like, oh, I just do what I do, but now I'm cold and I have to bundle up. Spring and fall don't exist anymore. Fall still exists.

It's just groundhog day. It's false fashion stunt season. Yeah, but I mean, the technical... I can't imagine living somewhere without fall. God, that must suck so bad. I need the seasons, but as we now approach this world, there's only two. It kind of sucks. Yeah, I don't even really like summer or winter. I like fall and spring.

Spring is just gone. I mean, summer is dope when you are like doing summer things, when you're like at the beach, at the pool, really doing it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Even that stuff fades where it's just like it's just hot it's just hot outside now and but i mean but when you're doing this when you're really going hard in the summer the summer's fun yeah i don't i don't necessarily love the heat i don't love wearing shorts i look like a dickhead but the fun of it all is the best a lot of the best days of my life were in the summer you got the barbecues you got the holidays fourth of j all is background. Yeah, a lot of the best days of my life were in the summer. Yeah, you got the barbecues, you got the holidays.

Fourth of July is a big one. You got baseball. You got a lot of good shit in the summer. But once you get older and the fun stops, it's just the novelty of summer is not really there. Basically, now summer is just like it's really hot. It smells like urine everywhere, and the trash is seeping into the streets. And I'm wearing pants because, again, I'm like you.

I just don't like the way I look in shorts. Do you think that we have body dysmorphia or do you think that we actually look bad in shorts? I 1,000% have body dysmorphia. That's a fascinating thing where it's just like you're your own worst critic and you think you look like shit. I don't even know. Because I'll look at pictures where you're saying I look like shit and I'm like, no, you don't. But I look like shit. And you're like, no, you look fine.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you always. I guess it's not even that I don't like the way I look in shorts. I guess I just don't like shorts. Well, yeah. As a fashion. Yeah, you have the fashion side of things.

I just think I look like a fucking weirdo. Like, I just got these, like, legs sticking out the bottom of these shorts. I don't know. I just think I look like an idiot. You'll catch me these days, like, it'll be 90 degrees. I'm, like, in black jeans. Like, shorts just don't have a look that, like, Keith's probably the best dresser in this office. Yeah, well, you have to have the...

But Keith had shorts that looked ridiculous. You said it the other day on Filling Upwards, you just got the body for it where you're just like long and lean and like all clothes just like hang on you the right way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if he can't wear the shorts, then like fucking forget it. Yeah, it's almost like... I guess I think I've told the story of seeing my grand... My grandfather, my principal at the beach

in a Speedo, almost like Larry David seeing his therapist, and it totally changed the way I thought of him and looked at him. That is particularly ridiculous, by the way. Seeing someone in shorts is very different than seeing a fucking principal in a Speedo. That almost sounds like illegal. That guy, that's pre-crime. Lock him up.

And Keith today, I'm like, I don't look at you the same anymore. Clean it up. Put some fucking pant legs on there. Because he looks baggy, Because he looks like baggy and he looks like a dad today. Yeah. That's what shorts are a big time dad look

where it's just like you got some weird pockets and they're just hanging off and they're because if you're like weird tight shorts you kind of look like an asshole. But if they're baggy

you look like a dad. Just a bad look. I always wanted this was a long time ago I wanted to invent jeans that are like somehow like air conditioned. Like they have like water running through them and you got a little It's just a bad look. I always wanted, this was a long time ago, I wanted to invent jeans that are somehow air conditioned.

They have water running through them and you got a little battery pack on them so you could wear them year round. The alternative is you're sweating your dick off like an asshole because you're just overheated. That's how you go distressed. Yeah, just rip holes in it like a fuck. Those are particularly silly. Those are like knee holes that became like thigh holes. Yeah, they're huge.

It's just because I sit like this. I cross my legs. Yeah, your fat legs are bursting through. My muscular legs. Yeah, muscular. Adding mass. Cultivating mass. So, you know, stay strong if you're sitting at your cube right now.

What else do you hate about summer? The more I talk about it, I'm really out on summer. Well, I'm certainly out on my favorite summer bars are now just like I can't tolerate the crowds and the lines and shit like that. I mean, like Parker House, people have been busting my balls for the past couple years saying that I ruined Parker House, that I made it too popular. And I think that's a little ridiculous, but I like to take credit for it, too. I have that kind of power. But here's the thing. All my friends keep being like, man, Parker House ain't what it used to be.

I'm like, yes, it is. Parker House is exactly the same. It's been around for fucking 200 years. It's been around since the 1700s or some shit like that. It's been exactly the same. We are just old. So they're like, oh, it's so crowded now. No, it's always been crowded.

We just didn't care when we were 23. We were sweating and bumping into people and we just didn't care when we were 23 we were sweating and bumping into people and drinking and hammered and we were dancing and shit like that so the crowd

didn't bother us now we want to just like post up talk I want to be able to hear you I want you to be able to laugh at my jokes

I don't want to wait in line for a drink and so the crowds bother us the bar didn't change we changed but either way I know like I'm not waiting on a line.

I mean, we used to rush to Parker House for Friday dollar beers. And it's like, I don't need to do that now. I can pay the normal price for a beer and not rush and, you know, bend over backwards. People get really mad when you do that. Like, why are you getting beers? Like, why don't you go early? They're cheaper. I don't care i i have money i mean i would if it's like all the same sure i'll

do dollar beers but if it's going to be like the entire world is cramming in there to save two or three dollars on a beer that makes no sense the worst people like just to spend money man like the fucking it's you can't take it with you it's like yeah i do that all the time when i say like i rent i got a movie on demand people are like you got movies on demand don't you know they're free on the internet

I don't want to go find some fucking thing with Russian subtitles I can put a dollar amount on downloading a torrent fucking program and that's

that's worth about twenty dollars of annoyance to me so I'll just buy it on demand yeah for four dollars five dollars well the renting yeah but even with I'll tell people that I'll buy it, and they're like, dude,

in a couple weeks, you can get that for $4. Well, I want to watch it tonight. I want to watch it now, yeah. Oh, the movies I own are ridiculous, because it's just like- The library you have. Yeah, and it's just movies. I'm like, I want to watch that right now, and I have to buy it, so I'm going to do it. Yeah.

Listen, I don't want to pat myself on the back here, but I can afford a $20 movie. All right, buddy? You know me. I don't like fireworks, so I'm over Fourth of July's whole hoopla. I like them as – I'm not going to sit there and stare at them, but I like them as a background setting. That's fine. But again, I'm not going to go somewhere – I mean, I remember one year we had to park in a parking lot and walk to a fucking hill where we're going to watch it. It always looks the same.

Yeah, I like them as drinking on the roof deck and they're in the background. Yeah, and listen, you tell me that you got a beautiful girl on your arm and you're making out with her under the fireworks for the first time. Yeah, it's a great moment. It's cool. You feel like you're in a movie. If you're doing that, God bless you. That's awesome. If it's just a regular-ass fucking 4th of July Sunday night,

I don't care. I'm not bending over backwards for that either. The beach, I'm out. I'm out on the beach, especially in Newport. It got really bad in the last few years. It's only a one-lane road to the beach. I'm not getting up early to go to the beach. No.

Yeah, like when you have to reserve, not reserve space, but if the beach gets so crowded that you need to get real estate and like... No. Well, I don't go to beaches... To beat the traffic, to beat the whatever, the crowds, all that. I don't go to beaches like that, where there's going to be a lot of people. I go to quiet beaches. Private. But there's still the parking is so slim that by noon it's one in, one out.

And people are sitting in line for three hours. I'm like, this is fucking nonsense. No, I mean I used to. Let's go back to the bar. The beaches I go to aren't that bad with parking, but I can remember hopping in my car, driving to the beach, hoping for a spot. There's none there. Driving like 97 percent of the

way back to my house and parking you know like i basically ended up like 50 feet further from my house in a parking spot you should have just walked bro but i mean the whole production of the sand and the sunblock and then like some beaches you can't eat or drink and some beaches you know they have family and some people don't have family. You got to carry everything. You got to carry your chair, but then someone steals your chair, and you lost the chair, that whole fucking production. That's why I am a big- It's only fun for like 45 minutes.

You're like, it's hot. I just want to be at a bar now. That's the main thing about the beaches too. When I was doing the Hamptons and they were private beaches, you could drink. We used to dig a hole and bring a fucking keg on the beach. It was great. We filled it were private beaches. You could drink. We used to dig a hole and bring a fucking keg on the beach. It was great. We filled it up with water.

It was awesome. Manasquan, public. You can pour it in your solo cup and whatnot, but it's a production again. And if you can't enjoy it where you're trying to hide it. Yeah, and then it gets hot right away, and it's like if you don't have a cooler. If I can't be somewhere where there's not alcohol readily available and allowed, I'm going to have about 45 minutes in me. Right, right. And especially me.

I've got my son. I'm not out there to really tan. Some people can just sit there and roast. I'm good on that. I want a little sparkle. That's it. Yeah. I do like outdoor bars in the summer.

If you can get a nice porch or a nice deck of some sort. Yeah, Newport's or a nice deck of some sort. Yeah, there's Newport. Newport's got a lot of those. Sloppy Tuna, where you're, like, overlooking the water on a deck, or, like, the Parker House porch. The Drift, the old Drift in the Hamptons. Did you ever do that, the Drift? No.

I've only been to the Hamptons in the spring. First time I've been to the Hamptons was last year. The Hamptons. Actually, my aunt got married out there, but that was in November. So I've been to a wedding out there. Yeah, but that's in November. Off-season is a totally different vibe. The fun part of the Hamptons in the past, you know, probably like, I don't know, seven or eight years now maybe,

all of the fun bars shut down. Like, Boardy Barn is still out there and Tuna if you go all the way to Montauk. But this bar, The Drift, was an outdoor spot. Huge deck that, I don't know, you probably feel like a couple thousand people on there. It was over, you know. I've seen it. I've actually driven by. Full sky, yeah.

When we went out there, me and Keith went on a double date the weekend in Hamptons last spring. And we drove out to Montauk to get the world's best lobster or whatever the fuck it is. Fucking took six goddamn hours to get out there. And the place was closed. Yeah. It was the most miserable experience I've ever had. I mean, the Hamptons are going to get the traffic. There's nothing I hate about the summer.

Like, you know, the whole world is out. Everybody is out because it's warm. The weather has changed, and now every dickhead in the world is bothering you and out. But the old Drift used to be just a fucking show. Awesome music, like Cash Bar where everybody was, you know, if you knew a bartender, they were able to just hand them out and literally like big moon right over your head. It was just great. And then once all those shut down, it was just like, there's no point in being out here

anymore. But, you know, as you get older, there's all the things that you either tolerate. You either, like, found fun. You don't really find that much fun anymore. And the things that you didn't like but you were able to tolerate, you just don't tolerate anymore.

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