KFC Radio - Quickie: Mischief Night, Flaming Tennis Balls and Some Light Kidnapping

Episode Date: August 31, 2018

Egging houses and occasionally getting tracked down by a grown man and thrown in his basement. Boys will be boys!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E dot com use the promo code KFC when activate the offer. That's mybookie, M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E.com. Use the promo code KFC when creating your account to claim that bonus. You play, you win, you get paid. It's another edition of KFC Radio. Today's quickie coming on the heels of our Lunchable cafeteria lunchtime discussion. We took a stroll down memory lane, did a little nostalgia with lunchtime favorites. At the end of that episode, we kind of spiraled there. All of a sudden, we ended up on vandalism.

And you just turned all my shit down, bro. You almost exclusively spiraled. Nobody in this company knows how to turn up and down headphones. Well, it's because you took my headphones. Fuck you, John. No one in this company knows how to choose the right headphones. Those are the ones closest to me. That should be my headphone. No one in this company knows how to choose the right headphones. Those are the ones closest to me. That should be my headphone.

No. Wrong. Frog is wrong. Anyway, at the end of the episode, I was talking about being a little punk in the cafeteria and kind of being like a little vandal. And so today's episode is all about pranks, vandalism, just generally being an asshole when you were younger. Now, John was like, I didn't do that as a kid. I really didn't.

Oh, good for you. No, I did not say it with my nose up. I wish I was that kid. I wish I was a prank kid. But I've never really been much of a prankster. Yeah. I mean, I make fun of people, but that's not really pranking. I fucked around in the cafeteria, like I said.

I was kicking the chairs or throwing the milk bags against the wall. Shout out to everyone who has milk bags. There's a lot of us out there. A lot of people came forward. You guess what? I'm just thinking. Continue. I mean, the cell phone thing you did, that's a prank.

Right, the cell phone thing. I feel like you said you used to bully kids all the time. Well, I bullied kids. I didn't bully kids. I do look back on my childhood, and I wasn't a bully, but I wish I was nicer. Matt, you were a bully. If you have to say that, you were a bully. I wish I was nicer to other people.

I wish I was nicer to the fat kids and the losers and the ugly girls, but I wasn't a bully. No, I wasn't a bully. Exactly that. I didn't go out of my way to be mean, but I didn't go out of my way to be nice. You're a bully. There was a particular incident. I was in, I think, maybe eighth grade.

And this is another thing, too. Mischief Night, I thought, was a universal thing. Apparently, it's not. You don't have it, right? No. Not my friend group. Night before Halloween, you just go wreak havoc on the neighborhood. I didn't really live in a neighborhood. I lived in an estate. You were in a compound.

Oh, fuck no, dude. I lived in a main street. It wasn't a neighborhood. There was... I had friends who lived in neighborhoods, but I didn't live in a neighborhood. I don't know what that means. I don't know my neighbor's names. I don't know. Well, yeah, but you lived in a suburb

with a street with a bunch of houses to throw shit at, right? Yeah. That's what a neighborhood... No, I feel like a neighborhood... I think of neighborhood as having tight knit and it's also side streets.

I live on a major street. Right, double yellow line type shit. Yeah, cars go zooming by all the time. Right, right. It's not like... You don't go ride your bike

down my street. Got it. You walk your bike to the friend's neighborhood and then you run around. Okay. Well, I mean, your bike to the friend's neighborhood and then you ride around. Got it. Okay. Well, I mean, we used to do we used to run around our neighborhood and like

we used to like set tennis balls on fire and throw them at the bus. Okay? Is that a prank? You're going to call that a prank? Fine. That's just destruction. Yeah. If you spray the top of a tennis ball with like an aerosol can and you light it on fire, you can still hold the bottom. You can throw a fireball.

You can just throw those at cars and, like, you should throw, like, rocks at the bus. Imagine driving a fucking car and a fireball is flying at you. One time somebody, like, slammed on the brakes and we jetted. And I think there was, like, children in the car or something. It was probably pretty bad. Jesus. You ever do the thing where you – I never understood this, but, children in the car or something. It was probably pretty bad. You ever do the thing where you – I never understood this, but I just went along with it. I was hanging out in – this was in Connecticut where my cousin lived.

You put, like, two groups of people on either side of the street. You pretend to pull a rope. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then the car thinks that you, like, pulled something across the street. They're going to run into it. But, like, how weird would that be if you really did that? Like, if I was driving along and I saw that, I wouldn't be like, oh, no, the kids have pulled a rope across the street.

What are we going to do? I was like, I don't really get it, but okay, I'll go with it. I had a buddy who used to hard step. So whenever the car was coming, he'd pretend he was going to run out right in front and cars would really screech and stuff like that. I don't know why he did it. You, like, roll a ball out to the middle of the street and you get a hard step out there? He just stands on the sidewalk and does one real hard step. See, I love it.

The 8th grader in me is coming back like, great one, great one. This was really more of a prank, but it was just reckless abandon. We've talked about this before. You just blast a golf ball with an aluminum baseball bat and just wherever it lands, it lands. Yeah, I would do that at our little league baseball field right i mean we used to just do that like into the neighborhood so you just come flying down like at 130 miles an hour and if there's like a child or a puppy or something underneath it like watch out could you imagine that you're just sitting like some old woman just like sitting in her

house like watering the flowers and just like a fucking window breaks because a golf ball meteor fell out of the sky oh the kids must be playing again but mischief night was was the night before halloween some people also call it like the devil's night or some shit one of those regional things right so it was you took you took a needle or a bobby pin you jammed it in the fucking – in the shaving cream, like, hole where the shaving cream comes out. You light it on fire a little bit. You, like, singe it. You could shoot shaving cream, like, ten feet. So it became, like, silly string with –

I didn't even learn these things. I don't know. I mean, that one I learned from a bunch of delinquents in the Bronx. I don't know. Those people went to jail. So I don't know. They were resourceful criminals. But that was fire because you just shot each other with fucking shaving cream,

came home just covered in Gillette. It was disgusting. So you do the shaving cream. You have a shaving cream fight at the end of school every year in middle school, but I don't think anyone really utilized that tactic. No. I mean, that's the way to go because then you've got the distance. Nobody can get you. And then it was the classic deal.

One and only time I ever did it, and I still feel like a piece of shit for it to this day, especially now that I'm like a homeowner. But we went around egging houses. I think it was, again, the summer of eighth grade. And, boy, it's such a scumbag thing to do. But, man, does it feel great. Why is it such a scumbag thing to do? I mean, you're just fucking ruining someone's shit.

You're just throwing eggs all over their house. Yeah, I mean, it's not that. I would think toilet paper. Toilet paper is worse. Way worse. Yeah, I mean, I don't think I ever actually did that. I mean, I think the crew that was running around was doing it. The egg feels great when you just, like, crow hop and unload.

It's just like, whap. It's like, wow. Oh, wow, I get it. That was a rush. That's why I'm scared to ever shoot a gun. You never know. That is dope. I get it.

You never even got to a gun range or anything? No. I went once a year ago. It was very recently down in South Carolina. It's a weird feeling when you go to a gun range, too. There was this crew of guys that had like some semi-automatic weapons. It wasn't just like a handgun. It was like a fucking

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, you could just turn around and shoot everybody. Yeah, yeah. You know, everyone's shooting down range and everyone's like

playing by the rules. But I was like, well, all it takes is one like anti-gun nut to go in, get a gun, shoot everyone and be like,

look how easy it is to kill someone with guns. And, you know, so I was like, at first I was like, this is cool. I'm shooting a fucking target. I'm like watching everyone. And then I got this weird wave of like, I gotta get out of to kill someone with guns. So I was like, at first I was like, this is cool. I'm shooting a fucking target. I'm watching everyone.

And then I got this weird wave of like, I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here. Someone's going to kill me. This is it. This is it. It's going to be a protest. Someone's going to kill me. But yeah, it's definitely a rush.

I get that in the office once a day. This office, man. After American Idol, I was like, I'm going to take a week off. Let things die down here a little bit. I didn't want to eliminate anybody. I wanted to be nice to everyone because I didn't want anybody coming back. I guess I was thinking about it more. We never did those childhood pranks, but in high school we did more elaborate ones.

Such as? I had a friend who went on to become an engineer. He rigged in his neighbor's room. He rigged a six-pack of Coke cans. And when his neighbor opened his door, nails shot into the Coke cans. What the fuck? So it was above him? Yeah. It was like saw shit.

That's like some Kevin McAllister shit. That's some home alone shit. Then he had, this is the same kid. That's crazy, by the way. He stole a girl's hubcaps, and he put them all in a scavenger hunt around campus. That's very annoying. All four of them were in a garbage bag full of yak shit. We had yaks on campus. I don't know why.

Maybe, I think it's yak. I forget what they were. John, your fucked up life is maybe the most interesting thing I've ever heard. All four of them just buried in a bag of yak shit. Gotcha! Gotcha, bitch! Classic, I stole your hubcaps and put them in animal shit. But me and one particular friend Had like a Real running one

There was an animal A pet shop Not far from school Oh Jesus And we would I put Um It wasn't an alligator

I tried to get an alligator They wouldn't give it to me A baby alligator Uh I put like a bunch of reptiles Just in his room Oh my god And then

In his bedroom or school? Like a classroom. No, his dorm room. Oh, right. Because you guys were living on campus. Right. And so I put a bunch of lizards and iguanas and shit like that. Yeah.

Put those in his room. Some very expensive pranks we did. But then he put a snake in my hockey locker. Oh, my God. And then I came back with. What was the thing? They're kind of rat like a ferret ferret exactly oh my god i put a ferret in his and then dude i just threw fireballs at people you're way worse than me and he he ended up winning because i almost killed myself with it he put i had my car had you know this is back in 05 06 we did cd players yeah right so you

had the center console aligned with cd play all cds and stuff like that so i was driving down the highway 70 miles an hour on my way home from school and i opened it and there were three rats or three three mice in my cd controller they were the white ones with the red beady eyes. You win, bro. You win. Yo, it's over. It's over, okay? You win.

I'm done with it. I was like, I was like, swerving through lanes. Like, ah! That's a great prank. I hate mice.

I hate mice. That is real special. My, a bunch of my friends were not able to walk at graduation because they, they took a toilet bowl and they put it in the front, like right outside the front door of our high school. And they covered it in like chocolate syrup.

And I think they like glued the door shut or something like that. Like dumb, you know, like there's always senior pranks, right? I mean, I don't know. You lived in like some fucking weird world. So I don't know. I guess you're just busy putting reptiles in each other's pillowcases. But there's like – you do like – there's like cliche ones. There's like you let a fucking bunch of crickets out in the hallway,

pour like a billion bouncy balls down the hallway. You get like four animals and only lay one, two, three, five. Yes, exactly that. So they did a couple of those things, and they got pinched, and they were not able to walk at graduation. My dad, shout out to him, second semester of his senior year, he went to SUNY Maritime, so he was in, like, the Merchant Marines. So he stole his, like, commanding officer or whatever the fuck.

He stole his Jeep, and they hid it. They hid it. He did something with the radio, right? I think they had the radio. They had the radio, so they took it. So they hit it. They hit it. He did something with the radio, right? I think they had the radio. They had the radio, so they took it. So they knew where they were going because they were radioing to each other. All right, so we're going to check it over here in this field.

So they would just move from that field. He got kicked out of school. Second semester senior year, kicked out. I think he weaseled his way back in, but it was like, oh, okay, funny prank, you're expelled. But my eighth grade egging experience takes the cake. We were just riding around town, just whacking houses left and right. Total peer pressure situation.

I went along with it. But like I said, I got the rush, and I was like, let's go. So we egged this one house. We run away. We think we're safe distance. We start just walking around again. All of a sudden, we see this dude come flying down the block, catches up to us,

and he runs up on our little pack of guys and he stutter steps as he gets to us. He grabs my one friend by the collar and he spins around and he drum punches another one in the face. He punches this one kid and grabs my best friend

by the collar and drags him away. So we're like, well, Block's been kidnapped. What are we going to do? So we were by one of the elementary schools at this point. There was a bunch of cop cars patrolling around. So we run to the cop.

We're like, we're going to have to rat ourselves out here because our friend's been kidnapped. So we're like, officer! This guy has stolen our friend. So we're like, officer, officer, this guy has stolen our friend. And they're like, why was this guy like, why did he steal you? Don't victim shame, motherfucker. Go find him. That's irrelevant. It doesn't matter what I was wearing.

Exactly that. So they end up like, you know, we we basically were like he's in that house over there and they're like how do you know like just because we know it's that one over there and uh they had to like go to this guy's house and like my friend was in his fucking basement what like he like took him into the house and was like i'm gonna call the cops we're gonna get them over here we're gonna tell you we're gonna you're gonna tell them like what happened and all that shit so he wanted like he just wanted to catch the kids who egged his house. But, like, in the process, he, like, grabbed a kid and brought him into his home.

Yeah. So, and I remember we ended up all going to the police station. And I remember we were, yeah, we were, like, sitting outside. And they were, like, kind of interrogating the adult. And he was, like, ranting and raving about, like, the kids egging his house. And the cops were, like, hey, buddy, calm down because you fucking kidnapped somebody. You know, like we get it. Your house is egged, but why don't you fucking relax?

And I think everybody ended up getting let go, but my like one friend got like a black eye. The other kid had to like give a statement to the police because the guy – I think it was like eighth grade. I mean that's close, that's That's still too young Yeah Right right I feel like some juniors Are fucking with you

I'll punch you in the fucking face You asshole But like 8th grade is Pretty goddamn young I remember So we all get in trouble obviously And I remember my mom being like You know

Fucking yelling at me Because she like really hates that shit Out of everything Like you get caught like smoking Drinking whatever But like you start You fuck with other people's stuff And you'd be like a punk.

She really hated it. So she was grilling me about egging houses and she was like, did you egg that house? And I was like, not that one because I literally think

I just didn't have a carton on me so I don't think I actually threw with that one. I just ran with the pack and egged a thousand others. You guys go, no. You got to lawyer her.

No, I did not egg that house. Not that house. Not that house. Not that particular house. So that was the end of my vandalism days when we almost got kidnapped and punched and stuff. That kid...

Yeah, that's... My friend gets locked in a goddamn basement. I'm like, all right. This is a little... I'm playing above my pay grade at this point. I'm done.

Like I said, there was a rush. It wasn't worth that. The rush wasn't that good. All right, let us know what vandalism, pranks, whatever stories you've got. Tweet at us at KFC Radio.