KFC Radio - Quickie: Pick Your Poison

Episode Date: August 24, 2018

Would you rather get food poisoning very time you ate your favorite meal, or never be able to eat that meal ever again?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a Friday Quickie of KFC Radio. You want to do a little something wild and completely new? First, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about sex with Feidelberg, okay? I fucked up right away there. Nobody wants to do that. Not even me. Get your mind out of the gutter and head over to Springfield, Massachusetts.

Drive right past the Basketball Hall of Fame and get out at the new MGM Springfield. It's MGM's newest entertainment center. It's not just a casino with amazing Vegas-style gaming. It's an entertainment destination. They got Topgolf Swing Suites. They got Nightlife. They got a Tap Sports Bar, a Chandler steakhouse and Vegas style gaming, including poker. So what are the boys and the ladies waiting for? Head over to MGM Springfield,

get a few beers, watch a few games for us and let us know what you think of the place. You can hear Fidelberg right now. It's kind of like he's Skyping in. He's he's sitting on the fucking comfort of his own couch using his gravity autism blanket. I am here in the office today. Let me tell you something, Feidelberg. Today, Dave has been in Saratoga. I don't have to do the radio or the rundown. I am focusing on other projects.

I was planning on getting all sorts of shit done. I have gotten nothing done. I have gotten zero done because of this goddamn office. Every fucking time I want to record or do something. Ah, no, no, no. You can't do that because we got to stream the rundown from Saratoga. All right. Well, I'll go in the other room. Well, ZBT is in there. Is ZBT done now? No, ZBT is done, but they got to do their ads. What the fuck? Why didn't they do their ads with their show? Oh, I'm going to pop in here. No, starting nine's doing that here. Okay. Well, I'll wait 25

seconds and then I'll get in there. Oh no, wait. Someone else slipped in there because we booked the wrong thing on the fucking wrong program, and we only have two studios for 37 podcasts. I can't work here. I can't do it anymore. Okay? I love it. You want to go Diva on it? Yeah, yeah.

That's it. I'm done. I'm done being agreeable. I'm done being a team player and accommodating. Diva KFC from now on. Okay? I'm done with it team player and accommodating Diva KFC from now on. Okay? I'm done with it. Fucking bullshit.

Meanwhile, and then the icing on the cake, John, I finally get enough fucking time to do the quickie, and John goes, can we wait until David Price is out of the game in a six fucking nothing game when the Red Sox are a thousand games in first place. That was on me. I admit, I admit that was on me. I got to see my guy. I got to see my guy.

I know you are. You are fully, fully invested in David Price. I can appreciate that. And I'm fully invested in you, John. And I'm worried about your food poisoning because you seem to get food poisoning every 35 seconds. Every like four times a year, probably. I don't think I've ever had food poisoning.

All the time. I get it. I get it. And it's pure laziness because I look at my food and I go, oh, that's bad. And you just do it anyway. No, like last night, I know the exact piece of tuna that gave me That's bad. And you just do it anyway. No, like, right?

Like, last night, I know the exact piece of tuna that gave me. The bite, the exact bite that was like, yep, put you over the edge. That's a little chunky and black. That's weird. Oh. And, okay, so here's what happens. Today, yesterday, I guess I should say as you're listening to this, I get a text from fightsights like pre-7am.

It was like 6.30 or some shit. And I was like, somebody's... What time? Like 7.30. Alright, I was like, someone's dead. This is it. Feidelberg's in jail or something's happening. And he's telling me that he's got food poisoning because

he went to the same deli that gave him food poisoning three months ago. Oh, a year ago. I think it's a year they get a whole new fresh batch of meat in there. So Lou and I used to go to this place, what's it called?

I forget. It's on 34th and Lex, though. And we used to go there all the time, and then one night we got super sick, and both of us just tag-teamed in the bathroom. We're done with that spot. We're never going again. And we've never gone again. And then yesterday,

I was walking up in the movie theaters. I'd gone to see Crazy Rich Asians. Our guys killed it. Fire movie. Everyone's raving about it. Yeah, I cried twice. One interesting thing I did see about that, by the way, it was someone said that white people have so many movies that they can dislike them, which I find interesting.

It's a pretty good point. What? That, like, wait, what? Like, white people have so many movies, we can just dislike them. Got it. Black Panther. Black Panther, everyone has to love. You have to like it.

Yeah. Everyone has to love. Like, like it yeah everyone has to love well but here's the thing about asians you know it's tough to really be like called the minority when there's billions of you you know i'm kind of like i don't know it's not it's not our fault you don't have more movies there's a billion of you what's what's the problem i mean we're talking about nationally yeah there are less of them than us I don't know are there I feel like there's more Asians than everywhere on the planet

I feel like there's more Asians than like Africa they're everywhere hang on but we started Yellowstone right uh-huh and we me and you are on the same page on this one don't care that was us yeah I mean look Me and you are on the same page on this one. Don't care. That was us. Yeah, I mean.

Look, back in the day, way back in the day, I'm not going to apologize for taking land. No, come on. Like, that's in the past. Like, come on. It is what it is at this point. Get over it. I'm the first person to do it, and I'm not going to feel bad about decades and generations ago.

It's a war for the world. Like a trail of tears? Come on. I'm not. Come on. That's not my fault. Give me a break. Yellowstone, by the way, I am so in.

Next Wednesday, watch this Wednesday. We might have to do a whole episode of Yellowstone. If you're not watching it, it was the season finale a couple nights ago. Catch up on it now. It's on the Paramount Network, which is old Spike TV. And you might as well be watching, like, HBO. They're dropping fuck bombs. There's nipples.

There's butts. There's sex. There's murder. This shit is fire. Get on board with it right now. And even the girls can get involved, too. Like, it feels like you're watching, like, cowboys and Indians. But like anything else,

Game of Thrones isn't really about dragons. It's about family and politics and struggle and shit. That's what Yellowstone is all about. So anybody can get in on it. You are correct, sir. Fights has food poisoning. And I think food poisoning is I'm not going to call it a myth

because obviously there are direct times where you eat shitty food. Wait, what? I know I ate some food last night and I can't stop shitting. And also my bosses aren't at work, so I don't really. Yeah, I was going to say it's very convenient that another food poisoning strikes when this happens to be the day where nobody's in the office, John. I wouldn't. If it was you, I'd be like, yo, Kevin, I'm not coming in.

Yeah, that is true. That's the only thing that's putting a hole in my argument here. But what I think is happening is, you know what I think happened? I think you had to take a bad shit a couple times today. That's it. Yeah, and then I was like, ah, fuck it. All right. All right.

As long as you admit it, I'm fine then. I just feel like I hear about food poisoning. I'm not going to get myself into the hospital. I know I've shit a lot today. And I know that's not worth going to the office. Okay, fair. I feel like a lot of people will play the food poisoning card. Probably like chicks.

I love when someone's just horribly hungover. And they'll play any other card rather than being like, I'm hungover. Like, oh, I'm sick. Oh, I must have ate something. Oh, I have a stomach bug. Oh, no, you had like 30 beers last night and you got the shits and you're puking and you're hungover. Just admit it. Once again,

I would say, Kevin, I'm hungover. This is true. You are an honest man of integrity, so I will grant you... You. If Dave was at the office, I would say, Dave, I have a stomach ache. Right. Right.

That makes sense. I don't think I've ever had food poisoning, or if I did, I think I was probably. I am genuinely good for it. Like, three to four times. Because I can't last on my pee. I never pee drinking or anything like that. I have a pretty iron stomach. But food poisoning, you ever get the crunchy chicken?

The crunchy chicken. It's just a grilled chicken, but you get one crunch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I puke right away. Yeah, you know what's funny? Coming from the guy telling me he has an iron stomach. If I just describe something a little gross, you'll puke on the spot. I say iron stomach in regards to alcohol.

Right. I know it's just, but usually that means like I can control my vomiting. You can't do that, sir. No, no. Really?

You can't control your tears. You can't control your vomit. How about me crying twice during fucking crazy? I find myself. Yo, honestly, if I ever walk up in a theater and I see like you solo crying, I'm going to be like, he's going to shoot this place up.

He's going to lock the doors and kill us all. This guy, there's something wrong with him. Emotional? You are emotional. You are, you know, you are King Beta. You are so in touch. We described this last episode. I'm like so emotional where I cry all the time, You are, you know, you are King Beta. You are so in touch. I'm like so emotional where I cry all the time, but I don't feel emotions. Crying because I'm just, just empty on the inside.

I just assume I should feel emotions there. But no, I did. I did cry twice during graduate agents. Our guy, Ken Jong said it meant a lot to him that I cried. He called you brother. Thanks brother. Thanks, brother. That's deep. That picture that him and Jimmy O. Yang posted, that was some gangster shit.

They looked like the fucking triads from Grand Theft Auto ready to kill you. I was like, yo, don't fuck with them. Yeah. Stick that champagne bottle. Yeah. Meanwhile, when you see them in real life, they're both like 5'3 Asians, you know? I said they're so tiny. They are they are. They are little people. They are. They are little hobbits. So this is the food poisoning episode of KC Radio. So today's Friday hypothetical. John, would you rather every time you eat and this is going to be different for you because

you're some sort of weird robot who claims he doesn't like to eat food, even though I don't know, you do. It's like when you say you don't like music and all you ever do is talk about musicals and shit like that. I'm not pretending I don't eat food. I eat food. Well, I haven't eaten since 88. I eat. So would you rather

every time you eat your favorite meal you get food poisoning or you just never get to eat your favorite meal ever again. Never get to eat my favorite meal. Really? I think, I mean, you can still just pick and choose your spots. Like I always said, if I had that gluten allergy, what's it called? Celiac's disease.

I would just fucking eat pizza and puke. Like I just would. I would deal with the consequences. I think it's a poopy thing. I'd eat pizza and poop. I just feel, I would deal with the consequences. I need the poopy thing. I'd eat pizza and poop. I just feel like I would. The only person I know with celiac is a girl. So like, as you can imagine, they're like, get that shit.

Yeah. If I'm a chick, I'll, I'll listen to the gluten rules. If I'm a guy, I'm like, I don't know, whatever. I'm gonna eat my pizza and dump. I think that like, now this doesn't mean that you have to eat your favorite meal every day and then like puke all the time and get food poisoning. But it means that I would like the ability to say like, I'm going to blow it out tonight. I'm going to have, I'm going to go get my chicken, which I've had several days in a row now

because I think that place has picked up on the fact that every time they make it, it sells out by 10 a.m. because I eat all of it. John, today I did a pound and a half. I went down a little bit for my regular two pounds today I did a pound and a half. I went down a little bit for my regular two pounds. I did a pound and a half. Yeah, we're going to have a talk soon. Because I'll tell you what, I've been getting into, I've been slowly getting into like, okay, it's fall.

It's time to start pulling it together mode. Yeah. I'm going to pull you in with me. Well, here's the thing, John. In my brain, this is actually healthy. I'm not eating bread. I know it's breaded chicken, but I'm going to pull you in with me. Well, here's the thing, John. In my brain, this is actually healthy. I'm not eating bread. I know it's breaded chicken, but I'm not crushing a sandwich. Usually I get chips

and a sandwich. Now I'm just eating chicken. This is basically no carbs, John. And I get my Coke Zero. Leave me alone. What if I start bringing you to the gym with me? I'm really not into the gym. Okay. When would I go to the gym with me? I'm really not into the gym. Okay. When would I go to the gym?

Yeah, we don't live the same schedule. Yeah, we don't live the same life, John. I can't do the gym, John. I don't live the same life as you. I gotta go take care of other humans and all sorts of shit like that. I'm out on the gym. How about this? I'm gonna eat my chicken and lose weight. How about that? I'm out on the gym. How about this? I'm going to eat my chicken and lose weight.

All right? How about that? I will find a way to lose weight while I satisfy my chicken addiction. As a matter of fact... I was thinking recently that I think I might be a superhero. Oh, really?

Yeah. Pray tell. Like, I'm not in good shape, but, like, I've done nothing but what I do for, like, two years, and I just look like this. Yeah. I've done nothing but what I do for two years, and I just look like this. Yeah. I haven't gotten fatter.

I haven't gotten skinny. I just look like this. I'm with you on that. I mean, I've gone up and down a little bit, but for the most part, I just stay in this skinny, fat realm where it doesn't get much better than this, and it doesn't get much worse than this, no matter what. I mean, it's better. If I start doing push-ups, I can get better.

But you're not going to. How about how about this people are very surprised and so am I I don't quite know how this works we were telling our sponsors our sizes for clothing we're the same pants size that doesn't really make any sense what I mean you put you're bigger than me and but how are we both 34 I guess I'm just fatter in the waist and you're like I'm probably 33 I wear a 34 to be a little

nice but whatever like that I don't that doesn't make sense to me I feel like you're a pretty like brolic like thick dude from when you used to do steroids in high school so i don't understand how your waist is like the same size as as me who's just like this skinny fat like i don't have an ass that is actually it i got the ass of a fat black woman i got a fucking dunk dude it's weird i used to get made fun of so bad in locker room the boy with no ass and you just go back to thighs, you pussy. You go back to thighs, you pussy. I got an ass like we were talking today about

I need to make one of those Instagram since you are now an Instagram thot, I'm going to join you and I'm going to make one of those videos where they're pulling the jeans up over their butt and they're shaking it because they can't get it over their fat ass. That's basically me. I got a fat black ass. You know Zolo used to have that too.

Zolo was skinnier than I was and that motherfucker used to wear, like when me and Zolo, when he was on the blackout tour, I was wearing like a 30 at that time. Zolo and I were the same size. He'd get a 36. When you had 36 i'm actually that that's the perfect explanation though people like how are you guys the same size

well feidelberg goes back to thighs that's it so there's your fucking answer so final answer for you on the food poisoning you're just not going to eat your favorite meal ever again yeah no i don't even know i don going to eat your favorite meal ever again? Yeah, no. I don't even know. I don't know what my favorite meal is, so I would never eat it. It's so weird. You can't just pick your favorite food?

What do you really like to eat? I like mignon, but I don't know. Get a fucking strip. I'm going to pick the food poisoning, and then I'm just going to, if I don't want the food poisoning, I won't eat it, but I'd like the choice. I'd like to be able to eat it if I want to and just deal with the repercussions. All food tastes the same. All food is like third grade.

When you get on a styrofoam plate, you mix up your chicken patty, your mashed potatoes, your chocolate milk, you stir it all up, and you eat that. It's just offensive that you say things like that. How about this? Get at us on Twitter, at KSU Radio. Let us know your answer to the food poisoning hypothetical, It's just offensive that you say things like that. How about this? Get at us on Twitter at KSU radio. Let us know your answer to the food poisoning hypothetical and also just berate John for his stupid food takes. See you guys on Monday.