KFC Radio - Quickie: Retta (Parks & Rec)

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

The Parks & Rec star stops by to talk about the time she called Taylor Swift a bitch, Treating Yo Self, and her new memoir "So Close To Being The SH*T, Y'all Don't Even Know" You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alright, welcome to another edition of KFC Radio. Today we've got a very special guest here. We've got Redda. Which is cocky, you've got the one name thing going. You know, me, Cher, Bono. Right? Donna.

When you've got the one name, it's like you made it. Yeah, that's if everybody calls you by the one name. I'm sure you're still Marietta Sirleaf. No, no, no. Which I do get from my high school friends. I'm sure. I'm sure your mom's like, you're not Retta, okay? Exactly.

I get that all the time. Like, my name's Kevin. I go by, my initial's KFC, but I'll get my friends a big, oh, KFC's out tonight. Okay. That version of you is here. You were just getting your makeup done before. I was. We appreciate that.

That's for sure. That's the first time. You know what? Maybe Rhea and Fran have done makeup in here before. Yeah, but I mean, you look good. The aesthetic here doesn't really inspire makeup. You guys, I have other engagements tonight. So you weren't doing it for us.

Just the first. Should have lied to me and just been like, it was just for you guys. One hundo. You're doing a lot of stuff right now. You're on the promo tour because the new book is out. So close to being the shit y'all don't even know. Exactly. Which is a motto that I live by.

I've been living by it. i don't know if i'm as close as i'd like to think i am but uh you uh i feel like you already are the shit i feel like you've already made it i hear that a lot but usually you tend to you know you try to live humbly and um because you're always trying to strive for more uh you don't ever want to think you've hit you hit that sweet spot. You want to keep going or whatever. But also when I wrote the book, I was further from it. True story.

How long did it take to write? It took four months. And it was a very stressful four months because they wanted a specific date. But I was done with it about a year ago takes about a year to go through the editing that's torture so you're just sitting there like waiting waiting well not even so much waiting um because if i could not think about it i'd have been fine but it's like you have to go through so many edits and i had to keep reading it and i was like i'm over this book i mean i want people to read, but I don't want to read it.

It's definitely one of those things that you don't want. I think Kumail Nanjiani was talking about how by the time he finished The Big Sick, he'd seen it like 180 times and didn't even like it anymore. I legit think, I'm like, this book is terrible. I hate it so much. But then other people read it. They're like, it's great. I was like, okay, because I can't stand it anymore.

I'm tired of reading it. Well, fans will always affectionately know you from Parks and Rec. Yes. And not too long ago, we had Jim O'Hare in this very seat. And I read that you referred to him as your work husband, your onset husband. Yeah, yeah, he's my onset husband. That's a power couple right there. That's a diesel couple.

Oh, my God. You must have loved Jim. Oh, he's great. Yeah. I feel like he survived. What's that supposed to mean? Because Jim loves to, like, he loves joking, and he's so blue. And I'm like, why are you so filthy?

He's like, it is what it is. It is. It was stunning when he first came in here. I was like, oh. Every time I tell people, I'm like, I'll look at them, I'll be like, you're going to love Jim. And they're like, he was the best. I was like, yeah, he was't yeah I think he sat down in that seat and I think the first thing he said was like oh I just sat on my dick it was like what Larry goodness

to make us uncomfortable with being filthy is quite the accomplishment. And he did it like no problem. And I spent many hours with him. And we shared a trailer. So the walls of our bathroom of the trailer was the one wall. So every time he used the bathroom, he would bang on the wall and say, got it. I was like, you're so disgusting. That's my home. That's my man. How about that tongue? You see his tongue?

I hate when he shows his tongue. It just unfolds. It is the thickest, most offensive tongue of all time. And he does it to me. He shows me it all the time because he knows I'm disgusted by it it was like

one of those you've seen like the disgusting videos about like the pink slime and how that's made it looked like pink slime just

continues to come out of my mouth it's ginormous disgusting now while we're on Parks and Rec it's like did you see his tongue

I mean that was another thing Like we were having A relatively normal interview Despite sitting on his dick And stuff And then he was kind of like Yo check this out Yeah

I was like okay Sure just do it While we're still on Parks and Rec A little bit here Amy Poehler last week Floated the idea Of a reunion Yeah

What do we think about that I feel like Chris Pratt Is a little too famous and too much biggest star although see we didn't we didn't know about it so we're on our on our group text amy mentioned it she's like oh by the way i told people we're doing a rebate so so mike's on mike's writing that script uh we have we start shooting and made it you know set some date but um i, it's something I'm sure if we all had downtime

we would for sure do it. Because we kill ourselves trying to see each other. Yeah, Jim mentioned the group text too. That's something that like... That group text is going to be like the funnest group text in Hollywood. It's pretty hilarious. Can I get on that? It's my friend.

But you just had Good Girls rebooted for season two. Congratulations. So you're not looking for work at the moment. the number there. Just like, oh, it's my friend. Whatever. But you just had Good Girls rebooted for, so season two, congratulations. Thank you. So you're not looking for work at the moment. I am not.

I mean, I'm looking for interim work because, you know, I only work for that show, I've only worked

like six months of the year, so I do need work in between. You want to come be like a co-host with us? Oh,

yeah. Do this regularly? We'll get the makeup done. You get the makeup done every day. I don't want to. Yeah, if you can cut my hair

and makeup budget, then I'd be into it. I mean, we'll work on it. We'll figure the makeup done. You can get the makeup done every day. Don't worry. I want to start getting my makeup done. If you can cut my hair and makeup budget, then I'd be into it. I mean, we'll work on it. We'll figure out a way. We'll figure something out. So we can quote you on saying that Chris Pratt is just a rich douchebag and doesn't want to do it. That's what you said, right? Oh, for sure. He's a real jerk.

No, it's the thing. That's one of the things us trying to meet up. And right now he's promoting Jurassic World. So he's like, I'm in Shanghai, but I'll be in L.A. these two days. So we're trying to go to dinner the two days that he's in. Yeah, I guess when you're doing Avengers and Jurassic Park, it's a little bit busy. That's a pretty diesel year for him. All those indie films he's in.

Struggling acting. So the book has a lot of memoirs, I guess we'll put it, of just you. You mentioned you're a Jersey girl, and you take that little bit of that swagger and attitude out to Hollywood. And I would imagine it makes for some funny stories, some interesting interactions. I'm very conservative, and I'm a shrinking violet. That's how I've always heard you. I don't know that I brought the jersey with me. But I've worked with really fun people, Jim O'Hare being probably the craziest of them.

So I've gotten to have some interesting stories. What would you say is your most awkward interaction with actor, entertainer, Hollywood, whatever it may be? I wouldn't say this was awkward in the book, but it is an interesting one. I was at the Golden Globes. Don't worry about me dropping that Golden Globes reference. But I was at the Golden Globes

and didn't realize that they served food before the show. It was the first time I'd been invited. And so when I got to the table, there was no food. There was just like some breadsticks and a giant vat of Moab champagne. And I blamed Jim because he kept pouring the champagne. He kept pouring it and I kept drinking it because I like my drink. And I was toe up from the flow up, as they say. And I remember going, I didn't remember what happened exactly that night, but I remember going to work the next day.

And Hadley, one of the stand-ins said, I heard you met Robert Redford. And I was like, who'd you hear that from? I didn't meet Robert Redford. She's like, I heard you met Robert Redford. And I was like, who'd you hear that from? I never, I didn't meet Robert Redford. She's like, you, I heard you met Robert Redford last night. And I was like, who told you I met Robert Redford?

And she's like, Jim said, I was like, he's fucking with you. I didn't meet Robert Redford. And then we go to the table read. And I said, I was like,

why'd you tell Hadley you met, I met Robert Redford. He's like, bitch, cause you did. He was like, you're a drunk ass. You I met Robert Redford. He's like, bitch, because you did. He was like, you're a drunk ass. You don't remember shit. And I was like, what did I?

He's like, he stepped on your foot. And you were like, and I go, oh, I think I did. And I started remembering things. And then, like, Mike Shore was like, yeah, do you remember Michael Fassbender coming to the table? And I was like, oh you remember Michael Fassbender coming to the table and I was like oh no you don't remember being like

he's into black chicks and I was like that sounds like something I would say now were these the same Golden Globes where you called Taylor Swift a bitch? first of all I did not call Taylor Swift a bitch. It was a thing.

It was like, bitch! Very different. And yes, it was. It was very, very different. And she cut you in line? Is that what it was?

Yeah, we were standing in line because all I'd been doing was drinking the champagne. I hate to pee so bad. So much so that I missed Amy winning her Golden Globe because I was in line for so long at the bathroom.

And so Taylor was right behind me. And when I was next, and I'm sure I was like a little bit like Hayes because I was crazy buzzed. And she walked past me and I was like, bitch. I said, Taylor. I yelled Taylor. And she turned around. And I was like she's like

oh are you next I was like yeah bitch we've been standing in line for 15 minutes you knew I was next do you know her prior to that at all

it was like your first interaction I mean I just knew who she was that's see I wish I was like that I'm such like I'm a coward

dude I was buzzed I mean normally I'd be like just talking shit Taylor bitch yeah text a friend about Dude, I was buzzed. Would you do that regularly? Normally, I'd be like, just talking shit. Taylor, bitch. Yeah, yeah. Text a friend about it. But I was drunk enough to be like, Taylor! Yeah, see, that's like, if I was drunk around,

if you just dropped me into Hollywood and made me drunk, it would not be good. See, I think of when I go out and when I get wasted, and the next morning I have just a social anxiety where I'm like, what the fuck did I do last night? Yeah, but imagine that with any list of celebs. That's what I'm saying. I would be so anxious the next morning.

I would skip work the next day. I'd be like, no, I'm just going to wait until all that blows over. Get a whole new career. Change the name. Red is out. I'll go by two names now. You're going to have to cut Don out of this episode.

I think that's why it works though, right? It's like you kind of, you know, the minute that you don't be yourself and get a little loose on champagne

and tell people what the deal is is when you, you know, you're not interesting anymore. Your memoirs don't mean as much. What if your memoir was just like,

yeah, I was sober with Taylor Swift and I told her I like her songs. What's that? I was very well behaved. I remembered everything. The whole memoir is just a great Golden Globes recap that we saw on TV, too. Right. It sucks.

It's boring. Keep it this way. I like it. Your famous mantra is treat yourself. Yeah. What does that mean? What would you say living the treat yourself life Yeah. What does that mean? What would you say living the treat yourself life means?

You know, massages, mimosas, fine leather goods. For me, it's definitely massages and it's me buying my handbags because I have a little bit of an addiction to designer handbags.

How many bags do you got? Oh, God. Triple-ditch? Yeah, for sure. Kevin has a serious sneaker addiction. I got sneakers. Yeah, see, my brother has a big sneaker head. I do massages, too.

We're pretty similar to you, you know? I feel like we could treat yourself day together. Wait, how long have you been doing sneakers? Once I got the money to do it, only a few years. I've loved sneakers since I was playing basketball as a little kid. I just didn't have any money to buy them. So probably the last three, four years. My brother is a huge sneakerhead.

It's so stupid. He gave me a t-shirt that said, sneakers ruined my life. Yeah, it's so stupid. But he was living off of it because he would buy them and then sell some online. He does the rock one, stock one. Yeah. I mean, I pretend that around here, anything you do, you can kind of make into work. So I'm like, oh, I'm doing it for work.

My wife's like, shut the fuck up. No, you're not. If you bring home another pair, I'm going to kill you. How many? What are you at? I'll probably near triple digits. Oh, near triple digits. Yeah, I still don't have that money. I'm going to kill you. How many? What are you at? I'll probably like near triple digits. Oh, near triple digits. Yeah, I'm not, you know, I still don't have that money.

I don't have memoir money, but I'll get a pair sent here. So I wear a pair from home, and I come back, and she's like, you were not wearing those when you left. I'm like, yes, I was. I just don't remember. I don't know what you're talking about. Nice. But, yeah, the handbags, that's crazy.

The massages with you have been that's that's like a new revelation where oh it's not well you just found out yeah it's like an addiction you've been keeping quiet you like came back you the other day we are like i need a massage and you're like yeah you know what i do so i'm gonna go get right now and then you just left like noon to go get a massage listen nice that's the way to do it. Sometimes you gotta treat yourself. I've gotten to the thing, especially in Atlanta because that shoot was tough on my body.

I used to have the guy come to my house. All three of us would have the same guy. We're like, wait, what day are you going to get it? Because I think I need

Sunday night just before work. All right, I'll do Sunday morning. We would try to schedule within the group before we texted him to be like, please come beat me up. It was vital.

And he goes back and forth to L.A. and Atlanta, so he texts, he's like, I'm going to be in L.A. I'm like, I'm going to be in New York. So I'm missing my massage this week. Life's tough. Yeah, it is. It's really tough. Quickly scrolling through your Twitter,

it looks like you're a big live tweeter of shows. I enjoy it. You like mixing it up on Twitter. Do you, I mean, Twitter, I'm a full-blown Twitter addict, like an actual addiction, and I can't put it down, but sometimes I just fucking hate it. Yeah. It's just like the worst.

I'm not as bad. I'm not as bad anymore. I was addicted. Like, I legit have thumb issues because I'm on scrolls so much. I was saying the other day that my Twitter, it's not even really a machine I use anymore. It's just like a thumb treadmill. Like, I don't even read anything. I'm just scrolling to do something.

It's weird because I check Twitter to find out if something's true. Oh, well, if it's on Twitter, you know it's true. It's weird because I follow CNN and stuff like that, so somebody will say something, I'm like... I'll look on Twitter like, let me see, let me see.

Let me see what my friend said. I don't know. I mean, I'm at the point where I'll put on my favorite TV show, and I miss it. I rewind it. I rewind it, rewind it, rewind it. I'm like, dude, you're not watching television. Just turn the TV off. You're not on television right now.

You're on Twitter. I have to tell myself sometimes. Like I said, I'm not as bad with Twitter, but now my new thing is Instagram stories. I watch everybody's Instagram stories. See, I do that too, but I don't actually watch them. I just tap. Just tap. Just a thumb.

I'm like a kid who likes to play with the box instead of the actual toy. Just having it to do something. That is a very accurate description of my idiot partner here. That's exactly what it is. Now, do you have – I don't know how closely you follow sports, but the NBA Brian Colangelo, who's the president of the 76ers, he just got caught with five Twitter burner accounts that he would use to trash his own players.

Really? Oh, yeah, big scandal. Big scandal. It's crazy. That's hilarious. Yeah, let's go. It's wild. He had five burner accounts.

Wait, what team? The Philadelphia 76ers, the basketball team. That's hilarious. Yeah, let's go. It's wild. They have five burner accounts. Wait, what team? The Philadelphia 76ers basketball team. Oh, dang. So he was tweeting like, this guy's not that good. This guy sucks. Like, what about Claire's on his team? That guy's awesome. Who?

Five. Who found it? Yeah, I know. Some deep investigative shit. People are tracking IP addresses. Yeah. There's a big scandal behind it. I think the guy who was behind it

was the dude who he replaced at work. I think this is the tip of the iceberg, but that's shit right there. Wow, God bless. People on Twitter, when you live the Twitter life, you get it. If you're not into that,

it's like, wait, what? Burner accounts? Who, what? Come on! You gotta get with it! This shit is awesome! It's like a real life soap opera. That's a lot.

I mean, you're so pressed to talk shit that you're like, oh, so five accounts. It's a burner account farm he has. They have like those things in India where like they're not working as hard as Brian Colangelo was to make fun of his own goddamn player. Exactly. He's like, they're trashing people on Yelp, and he's like, no, fuck this player. Yeah, yeah. Joel Embiid, he's not even the franchise guy.

Let's just exploit him. He said, let's exploit him. Which is such a word. Like, that's no. You can't say you're going to exploit your young players. I hope he beats him up. Joel Embiid should beat that ass. So what's next for Retta?

You've made it in TV. You got the book popping off now. What's next for your bucket list? By the way, just the one chapter we discussed right there. That's making it. I'm saying I'm very close. I'm knocking on that door. Here's my thing.

It's not like I'm getting scripts. I'm not that person getting scripts that are like just pick what you want this bitch still got to audition so if I was really the shit I would be the top of those lists where they're like

well we're going to send the alpha out first to Retta I am not that person so is that what you define as making it that's where you hope to be that and you know

if I had Aaron Spelling money then yes I'm done it's a lofty goal. Exactly. And I'm not that close to that. No, not many people are. I'm close to being the shit.

I'm not close to being the bomb. So I would love to produce. I still have in my head that I would like to do a talk show if I can do it in my own way. And I've had the opportunity to do it. It's just that the timing was bad. And I didn't want to give up acting. So I need to be enough of the shit that I can keep acting and still say, I'm going to do this talk show, but I'm still doing my show.

And you're going to have to deal with that. What would your own way be? So we can steal it. It would be in a we can steal it. Would it just be called Red Hat? It would be in a small box like this. And as long as I have hair and makeup, I'll be good. Well, I feel like that's just up to you and your schedule. Because I think that once you find the time to do that, I think you'll absolutely kill it.

Yeah, no thanks. It's very funny watching you on TV. Go read the book, everything like that. And thank you for coming through here. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. You want to plug anything specific?

We can drop that in if you want. Oh, I don't even know. It's on Amazon. Reference Guide is coming back June 14th. Oh, I will be signing my book at the Barnes & Noble in the Grove June 5th. What time? You have Google. Go check her out if you're in L.A.

You know where to find her. She is Retta. Thank you very much.