KFC Radio - Quickie: The L Word

Episode Date: September 14, 2018

When to drop the L word. When is too early? When is too late? Does it count during sex? Is Francis making all this up?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Friday's Quickie is brought to you by Menlo Club. Menlo is the LA-based fashion brand that's brought to you by the creators of the 5-4 Club. So the Menlo Club is the subscription service with curated style packages delivered straight to your door once a month. They are proven to be fashion experts. They've been around for over 16 years. They house the New Republic footwear by Mark McNary,

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You go to TheMenloClub.com and use the promo code KFC. You get half off, free pair of socks and shoes. So that means the first month's package is only $30 plus those kicks. It's a deal you don't want to miss. Go to TheMenLoClub.com, promo code KFC. So we got K Marco back on the program. Do you? Yeah.

I appreciate that. Such a good ad read voice. I love everybody who loves my ad reads. Do we still do hymns? Yes. Okay, well, I got hymns because of your ad read. I mean, do you hear that hymns? Fucking cut that check.

Give me a raise over here. That's a free. Credit to you guys. You gave me like a full day heads up about this one. And you did invite me the other day and I said no. Yeah. So we're back on good footing. We're back on good terms.

Yeah. Today's topic. And eventually we'll get him in here. But I feel like we need to talk about him behind his back. Francis is dating someone now, I think. I'm still confused because I feel like this is like a bit, or at the very least, he is dating someone, but he's doing it with the intention of content because it's a tweet every time and a blog every time,

and I don't know what's going on. And the latest blog was that he said, I love you to his girlfriend after only two weeks. And now he thinks he says a month, but I know the timeline. Oh, it's less than a month. So I know. So Francis is, you know, he's an actor, like he's professionally been an actor.

He's a comedian. He it's not 100 percent, but I feel like I know him pretty well and can read him. And from what he's told me about this girl from the very beginning until now, I tend to believe him that she's real and he's telling the truth. Okay. It's crazy that we're just sitting here talking about whether or not our friend's girlfriend is real. That's like some elementary high school shit. She's at camp, but she goes to a different high school. Do we think he's telling the truth about having a girlfriend?

I agree, but to be fair, if one person has given us reason to do that, it's French. I don't think she's not real. I think that he's dating someone. And exaggerating. Yeah. That's possible. I don't know. Which is like, I mean, that's okay.

Yeah. I don't have a problem with that. You're an entertainer. You're being entertaining. For sure. But the thing is, we can't tell because if he was telling us, yeah, he's like, yeah, it's kind of entertaining, you know. Yeah.

But he's blogging it. He's telling us, but he's telling us the same thing. He's like, no, it's real. And I'm like, hmm. Yeah, like my personal conversations with him, not films, not recorded, just like friendly conversations, he is talking very seriously about it. So that would be very weird if it was made up if he's like doing some method acting or something but basically the i won't tell any details about it but basically the the basic timeline is he told me when he met this girl how it caused kind of some confusion

with someone else and then he ended up with this one then a few weeks later he was like that yeah she's my girlfriend now and that was i'd say three weeks ago okay and so he's already because he tweeted like uh i said this my girlfriend or whatever uh it's just a joke right but then he told me the next day he was like no that's real i really have one see that's what i mean i'm all over the map it was like a very clear like he said i just told my girlfriend i love her and then like within one second he had the second tweet ready to go so i thought it was like a bit right but then it turns out he is dating someone and it turns out he dropped the second tweet ready to go, so I thought it was a bit. But then it turns out he is dating someone. He showed us the Instagram yesterday.

Oh, I didn't see it. He showed me the Instagram. Visual evidence? Well, he handed the phone to me with a picture, and it was two girls, and he was the one on the left. And then I scrolled through the account, and I was like, ah, whatever. And then he was like, it wasn't her account,

it was her friend's account that he got the picture from. He's just so stupid that he doesn't think of things like that. He's the smartest guy here, but he's really fucking dumb. So he's now concerned that he dropped it too early, which I think is very much a thing. I think, now fights will tell you he loves you, you know, if you fucking do a favor for him. He's like, I love you.

He'll drop it you know it's it's not i i guess i i'm more with my actions than my words i i think i i show my affection through actions right so like you'll say whatever you want but if i if you're not backing it up with your actions you can tell that's how you don't tell whether or not i actually love which i think is actually probably a good rule of thumb for anybody i'm more of a words guy like Like I'd rather tell you it and then have to like act all the time. I will tell anybody. It's like, bitch, I said it like an hour ago. I'm covered.

I just think, this is what I brought up with Francis, my most important factor, I think, is was it during sex? Was the I love you during sex? Then I I love you during sex? Then I don't think you have to worry about it. Then I think she should understand

it's not really that real. Anything said during sex is like when you're in the courtroom and they're like, strike it from the record. That is inadmissible evidence. I'll say fucking anything. I'll usually say nothing, but if I do say something, it's loud to be like, I'll pay your college loans.

Like, I don't, I'll do whatever the fuck. I'll help you move. I mean, listen, girls, you know, we can't be held responsible for anything said if our penis is inside any part of you. Because there's also, you know, let's say some girl is going. She's going Adriana Chechik on you down there. You could be like, oh, my God, I love you. Right. Because it's like, I love you right now for what you're doing to my penis.

Is that like I love you? No. Now, can those things conflate? Can they come together? Yes. So it gets very confusing. And here's the problem, girls. You girls want like the 2018 modernized, you know, progressive male.

Well, like we're going to be fucking like girls. We're going to be like chicks. It's going to be like I said it, but I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have said it. You want it to be like old school Mad Men days where it will just be like, I don't fucking say that. I don't fucking care. But now, you know, if it's like, oh, he said it, but did he mean it?

You created this monster. This is your problem, girls. So let me tell you the challenge. So I'm a quick I love you sayer, for sure. You jump right in. Yeah. Yes. Yes, I am.

What's the quickest? Like a month. Like for sure. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I mean, it's fun to make fun of, but I don't just I don't I mean it's fun to make fun of but I don't disagree with him doing it so the challenge is that's probably too quick but the challenge is the amount of time you have to wait because there's

a very like specific point where it becomes like too long and then there's like the awkwardness and the tension hanging around when you're going to say it you do like this at the beginning of the date. So it's not awkward later.

Just get it out of the way. It's like going on the offensive. It's a preemptive attack. Instead of waiting for the day when it's like, maybe she'll say something or like make some sort of movement that lets you know that she wants you to say it and you haven't said it. So every point going forward,

you know when you do say it, she's going to think you're just saying it to say it. That's a lot of says, but it's like, if you're going to lose the, it's not going to feel genuine at all. If you feel like the girl is forcing you into it and the girl is going to know that because she's like, well,

now you're just saying it's saying it's exactly what I said on this podcast about weddings. How I go straight to the dance floor and start dancing is you need to be the first one out there and just get it over with instead of letting it get awkward. Okay. So my wedding dance strategy applies to my I love you strategy. Now, the only difference is that- Tie that all down. That was fucking-

Yeah, but it was great. It was great podcasting. The problem is, you know, dancing at a wedding, it comes and it goes and then that's it, whereas saying I love you completely changes the entire dynamic of a relationship, which you have to now live day in and day out for better or worse. Maybe it makes things better. But I think if you say it too early and then your actions don't back it up. Yeah, the whole thing is fucked.

Now the whole thing is hairy because then you almost have to undo it and be like, yeah, I didn't actually clearly don't actually mean it. I remember the first time I ever said it, I was probably a junior in high school or something like that, and I was at a wedding, and I was drunk. Love was in the air, and I texted my girlfriend. I was like, I love you. She's like, I've been waiting so long for that. And I was immediately...

Over text. You know when something happens where you're just sobering moment? Yep. I was immediately... I remember really, I was laying in bed in the house my parents had rented, and I was just like, oh, fuck. I immediately regret this decision. This son of a bitch.

And that's when I decided, I said, you know what? I don't give a fuck about this word. So yeah, but this is the thing. So John has decided that he doesn't like care or mean any, doesn't, words are just words, but no one else is abiding by this rule. So, but I'm announcing it so you should know okay so if you're ever with john henry the l word means absolutely nothing no you again it it can mean something but just just its very existence doesn't mean anything you should be able to tell by like and the more it'll be the both it'll be the combination of the two we've said this i've said this before. The real L word is like, because I can love you, but if I don't like you, that's where the relationship's going to be trash.

I could have love, but it's like I don't like spending time with you. I don't like going out with you. I don't like the way you treat me. I don't like the way we hang out together. Then the day-to-day relationship is going to be trash, but I might have love in my heart for you. I might love you as a person. I had this exact argument with a girlfriend where I would always look her in the eye and be like, I like you a lot.

And she'd be like, you just say love. And I'm like, this is what fucking matters. Love is like a fucking emotional reaction in my body that I can't control. I see a puppy. I'm like, I fucking love that thing. I don't know anything about it. Like, I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. I like you a lot.

Way more important. That's so much more important. So that's it. That's the exact moment I'm talking about. When you say that and she's like, I wish you said love. Then when it comes time to actually say love, she's not going to be happy. She's going to be like, this motherfucker finally said it. Yeah.

Take all the joy out of it. It's not the fun thing to say. It's not the thing that matters to me. Right. at it right yeah it's not the fun thing to say it's not the thing that matters to me it's not whether like if i if the way my fucking hormones are firing and my eyes are swelling it's like if that's what fucking love is like i don't really give a shit about that i mean like do i am i cool just laying on the couch with you and fucking not doing anything between my head and my lap in your lap as i watch tv do i well actually this is never gonna be a thing like

when you put your hand on my like When you put your hand on my... If you put your head on my stomach, am I going to keep breathing? Am I comfortable enough to keep breathing? That will never happen. Wait, what? You ever had a girl rest her head on your stomach, and you're just like, oh my god, if I exhale, she's going to think I'm fat. I do that all the time.

She'll be resting her head, and I'm like, oh, we're great. Kind of like with a dog. Great, I can never move again. again you're comfortable i'll just be uncomfortable the whole rest of the time sit here i'm like i can't like try to flex take little breaths like like like kramer's naps just a little micro breath like okay you're complicating this too much the words the breathing all of this too complicated we've been We've been firing today. We've had a lot of talking today. I ultimately think I can love you, but if I don't

like you, that's the bigger problem. So I'll say it. I'm not going to fire off early on Paula Francis or Keith. I'm not going to completely say that there's no meaning to it. I'll probably wait a little bit longer, but more of my word is the like. I also say it early because girls i date or

even usually sleep with like we've been friends for a long time because no one just jumps into a relationship or bed with me because i ain't got that kind of facial features and i it's it's something where you have to really not what i've seen what but i don't know what that was the it's something where you have to you have to drown before you like me and and so like you've you've already taken that last gulp and realized it's gone and all that good stuff and I you need to by that point I've already decided like I'm very comfortable with you so I can just say love fast yeah I've always meant it when I said it like I say quick because that's like just my personality is I feel it quickly and I want to blurt it out.

I've never lied about it just to say it quickly. It does have an added benefit of protecting that future situation that's going to be really awkward. I never lie about it. Well, I got my high school girlfriend. That's not, that wasn't real love. Well, that's high school. I felt it when I said it, and I feel really stupid about it now. Yeah, I know. She did that thing where. thing that's worth looking back on people you've said it

to and you're like oh what the that's why i that's why i decided it doesn't mean anything i'm like looking back i'm like i told vanessa i loved her what the fuck was that about like this doesn't mean anything when you were talking i just spaced out and i was thinking about that is that she was she texted me she would send me text with that um like the lava joke like i lava you like with the volcano picture or something and it was like it was kind of a joke and i knew she was waiting for me to turn the lava into love this is high school it's like childish shit but and then i did one day and it was this really cool moment and she loved it because i did it nice and quick and i caught on to what she was doing but that i, I think back on it, that was not it. I really wish I

hadn't done that shit. Well, it was a good learning experience. You're like a love slut. You're a grown woman now being like, I wish I hadn't fucked all those guys back in high school. Now I've found someone I actually love. I wish I hadn't fucking said all that bullshit. No, I've only said it three times and one was

the high school girlfriend. Everyone says that to their high school girlfriend. I just asked Tommy Smokes How many times he said it And I interrupted him I said But not counting Like your mom and shit And he goes

Two And I said Who's that My dad and my sister Like that's what I Fucking meant by Your mom and shit Like not counting

Those people And also Why the fuck Haven't you said it To your grandparents You withholding bitch Tell your grandparents You love them.

But that's the end of the episode, I think. Kevin just got up and ran out. I think me and Kevin, we kind of both staring at each other like, I don't know where to go with that. So Keith says it early. I say it all the time. He didn't give us any instructions or anything. He just left. I was like, are we done?

What do I do now? He just got up and walked out. And that's how we're going to do this too. Okay. Love you guys. Oh, there he is. I like that ending.