KFC Radio - Quickie: The Tragic Saga of The Pitching Ninja

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

The true American Hero, The Pitching Ninja, has been suspended from Twitter. Jeff Passan weeps over his demise. KFC and Feits wonder how someone from Yahoo Sports has zero understanding of how MLB handles social media.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Our show, Brockmire, is back. We basically created Brockmire without creating it. We're going to Dave Portnoy Brockmire here. Like, did we have anything to do with creating the show? No. But did we create the show?

Yes. Brockmire is the funniest show on television. Straight up. Well, Always Sunny always takes that crown. Always Sunny. But Always Sunny is just like the perennial. It's an insult to them because it's not even discussed anymore. It's like, that's the funniest show on TV.

It's like LeBron winning the MVP. It's like he should win it every year. But right now, MVP is Brockmire. Okay. It's like LeBron winning the MVP. It's like he should win it every year. But right now, MVP is Brockmire. Okay, okay. Brockmire, Hank Azaria as Brockmire is, I think, probably the funniest current character out there. I say it every time. Including all of our favorite shows. That, his whole persona as this, like, fucked up, druggy, drunk, sexual deviant baseball announcer.

And the way he dresses and the voice he uses is the most creative thing on television. If you haven't watched the show yet, watch the first five minutes of episode one. That's all you need. The first 60 seconds. Yeah, I was going to say 90. It's one minute, two minutes of he completely sets the scene, and that's all you need. So binge season one now, and then season two airs 10pm on April 25th on IFC. Don't worry about the channel.

It's a weird channel. I know. Just search Brockmire. Find Brockmire. I know you don't watch anything else on IFC. Doesn't matter. You're going to know it once you watch Hank Azaria as Jim Brockmire. Again, it airs on April 25th, 10pm and season one

is available on Hulu. So binge that and get ready for the premiere. Perfect segue into from one fucked up baseball type of personality to another here. It is the Pitching Ninja Quickie. I laugh every time I say the phrase Pitching Ninja because people are saying that like it's his government name, and it's very funny. It's the worst name ever. Pitching Ninja. what the fuck does it mean his wife chimed in and said hi this is mrs ninja i was like what is going on i mean if we want to get down to brass tax here this dude's racist this is just prejudice yeah this guy's culture appropriate can i can i please get an asian stoolie on the line here?

Can we discuss what, you know What, Samurai wasn't available? What, fucking Chinaman wasn't? The pitching Chinaman? The pitching Oriental, yeah Get out of here, dude You're a racist Forget about stealing MLB property

You're just a bad person So I'm going to quickly recap Because we have talked about it on radio And I've been tweeting about it incessantly like a schoolgirl. But for those who don't know, there's this dude who tweets out MLB gifs of pitchers and he

breaks it down like scientifically, like a pitching coach. Like here's his release point. Here's his arm angle. All this, you know, specific Dallas Braden type sabermetric baseball bullshit. Again, really a lot more obviously racist. The more we get into angles and math. Right, mathematics and everything.

It's just too easy. He's been like, I mean, he's basically Hitler. I bet he just sits there pulling his eyes back with his squinty eyes as he watches baseball. So he tweeted out a GIF of Noah Syndergaard. I retweeted him because that's what you do that's proper internet etiquette

and then I did tweet gif where I could just tweet out the gif alone without his commentary and I made a joke about Noah Syndergaard throwing wiffle ball because that's a funnier joke than his he said something about black magic slider I'm better at twitter than you are, sir.

I should have said Wiffleball because people like Wiffleball jokes. And then he got so mad, he called me out. He said, are you seriously stealing it? I said, hey, you big fat crybaby, I gave you a retweet. Relax. He then called me Steely McSteelface and he blocked me. This is a grown man. This is a grown man.

He's apparently an attorney. He's an attorney? Yes. The raised attorney is Steely McSteel. He's an attorney? Yes. The raised attorney is this Steely McSteel face, Rob Friedman, this motherfucker. Is that his real name? That wasn't it? Yes, Rob Friedman. And then he blocked me.

And like 24 hours later, he has been suspended by Twitter because he basically narced on his fucking self. He drew all this attention to himself, and he mixed it up with Barstool, which is a company that gets hawked by both Twitter and Major League Baseball to make sure we don't put any illegal content out. Well, because we've done that for a decade straight.

Big Cat's been filming yabos. I've been screaming about the Mets. Mookie Betts is hitting thousands of home runs a game. Everybody wants to film off their screen. Everybody wants to talk about baseball. And Major League Baseball is the old draconian league that doesn't allow anybody to tweet out any of their content. Which is just crazy.

I mean, actually, at the end of the day, fuck Pitching Ninja and fuck this guy Jeff Passan, who we'll get into in a minute. The real enemy here and the real bad guy is Major League Baseball. It's Rob Manfred. We've said it a million times. The NBA is up 17% on average per game. And they are by far the most global of all the major sports.

Talked about league. And it helps that their players don't wear anything on their head, so they're most recognizable. But what really helps is that there's tens of millions of people who are your street team, your hype man, who are promoting your game. That tweet of Noah Syndergaard, I mean, the pitch he threw, it was a windy day, but the movement on the ball, I mean, it literally looked like a wiffle ball. That's the type of shit that goes viral and makes people say, I got to tune into Noah Syndergaard's next start. Where can I watch baseball? And they suppress that and they fucking squash that out.

And it's insanity. I've said it a million times. I've never been a basketball guy three, four years ago non-stop Steph Curry gifs and vines on my Twitter feed and I finally said, you know what, I'm staying up until 1030

to watch Steph Curry. Right. And I still do to this day. I still watch, this is going to piss people off, but I probably watch more Warriors games than I watch Celtics games just because I need to see Steph.

Yeah. It's crazy. I'd be part of it. It even turns into the you up text when he's shooting. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Now his highlight is now internet gif and meme because they just allow that to be out there and controlled and used.

So you're not even talking about basketball, but you're talking about basketball because they just allow their content to be out there. So Pitching Ninja is convinced that I or the stoolies narked on him when in reality, it's just he put the goddamn spotlight on himself. I keep saying that he flew too close to the sun on wings made of MLB content, and now he came back down to earth. And I don't know what to tell you, man. That's just the way it goes. What's crazy to me is now watching all of baseball Twitter react.

Because this is as clear cut as it gets for anyone in this industry who has been around for more than like 15 minutes. Major League Baseball are Nazis when it comes to their content. And they suspend everybody. All the fucking guys. Yeah, I think Stoolies and you in particular are getting a bad rap here. Yeah. I'll say what you want about the Stoolies. I don't think we're snitches. I don't think anyone's reporting tweets are getting a bad rap here. Yeah. I'll say what you want about the stoolies. I don't think we're snitches.

I don't think anyone's reporting tweets. We're just too lazy. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't even know how to do that. And I don't think any stoolie, I mean, we've been doing this for 10 years. I've been doing this for 10 years. I've been picking fights. I've never reported a single tweet.

I've never blocked you. I've never reported you. I'm never going to snitch to your employer like fucking Ravel style. It's just not how we roll. I actually like this. I don't want anyone to get suspended because I want to make fun of you on the internet. That's what I really like to do. So I don't get where baseball is not – baseball Twitter, baseball media, what they're not getting.

Because they are writing articles about this guy like it's new. And they're like, maybe we think that he'll be reinstated soon and all signs are indicating that Major League Baseball is going to change their policy. No, they're not! No, they're fucking not! Because of the Pitching Ninja, they're going to change the policy. If they change it because of the Pitching Ninja,

then we take credit for all the reporting and whatnot because we're like, look, because of our reporting and our snitching, it had to be changed you're welcome everybody you're right we'll change our tune real fast if he's back and like mlb just changes their entire internet like i mean i will gladly be like yep awesome job if i get to now tweet out whatever i want about baseball i don't care what how we got there no, they're not going to be changing because, I mean, we had a deal in place with Starting 9. We had professional ex-athletes on our channel who just wanted to use the content. We have mega personalities who just want to promote.

And they didn't change it for all of Barstool. They didn't change it for the of Barstool. They didn't change it for the pitching ninja, man. And what Baseball Twitter is doing is they are painting this picture of Rob the pitching ninja like he is like a baseball great. Like he is responsible for the sport. It's wild. They're like pitching guru. The pitching guru. He's a pitching guru who apparently I think is just responsible for the game in general. Like, they're talking about the kids.

What are the kids going to do without the pitching ninja? What? What are coaches, how are coaches going to teach the kids without this Twitter account? What are we talking about? He tweeted, so Jeff Pisan writes for Yahoo. He's a Yahoo reporter. He wrote an article, and the pitching guru ninja, the pitching guru ninja China man said he was like,

I feel like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, where he gets to see what it looks like when he was dead. What? Yes. Let me get the exact quote. What? That was like Little John. I've never even seen It's a Wonderful Life.

I just know you can't compare yourself to George Bailey. Right? I mean, that's as dramatic as it gets. You get to see what life is like. First of all, if you're going to do a reference, do Mac and Charlie watching their funeral. Come on. From the fucking vent. Come on.

Get out of here. That's the appropriate modern day George Bailey. Fucking George Bailey. Get out of my face, you idiot. This was the quote. I really feel, after looking at all my notifications, like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, where you see what it would be like if you weren't around. It's amazing how many people are touched by this stuff. We are talking about baseball gifts, folks.

Gifts of baseballs. George fucking Bailey. Are you kidding me? And so I tweet Out of screenshots How's he seeing his notifications That's a great point That's a great point

You've been suspended Now in fights You've been suspended You've mixed it up with Some Some You know Very dramatic

If I remember Maybe you can see your notifications And maybe that makes it worse It's like Cause all you wanna do is respond Yeah I forget I forget if you can see your notifications or not.

I really don't remember. Well, either way, the dramatics are out. And so I said, I can't imagine feeling this self-important and I don't know who's worse him for saying this or his followers, his fans, his fucking ninja army who are making him feel this way, who are so dramatic about his disappearance from Twitter. I mean, the people are talking again, like we lost a true baseball great. It's like, you know, Jose Fernandez out here. Like we have a death in the game of baseball.

Like I said, they're probably walking around wearing black armbands, like mourning the loss. He's going to be reinstated in like two days. Shut the fuck up. I don't know what you want to talk about. And then Jeff Passan gets in the mix. And I just said to him, please reach out for comment next time. Because you reached out to the Pitching Ninja. I think you should reach out to me as well.

And he said something to the effect of, well, I thought all your tweets covered it. Would you like me to include the one about dancing on his grave? And I said, yes, I would. I said, as a matter of fact, yes. That does paint part of the picture. Yes. And I told him, I issued my own statement.

I said to him, let's see, I have to scroll through because I've been doing quite a bit of tweeting. I said, hang on, fuck. I had a heavy tweet a few days. I kind of, I'm taking a break. Are you?

A little self-imposed? Yeah, just like, I mean, not like staying off Twitter, but just like. I had a couple of heavy days. Heavy flow. Heavy flow. I got an extra tampon. I said, quote, my colleagues and I have been operating under the tyrannical oppression of MLB for years. Why pitching ninja and his legion of baseball hardos think they deserve preferential treatment is beyond me.

Again, going back to the point of we've been dealing with this forever. I do not know why everyone is acting like, you know, this is this is. I mean, one of one of the great criminals of our time has finally been caught. Pitching ninja. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's been he's like the db cooper of internet gifts it's like i don't know how you've done it you're flying like right under right right under their nose the whole time what's his name capone we got capone we got him on tax evasion or whatever it is we recode him racketeering yeah like jesus christ yeah yeah it was a twitter fight but i mean finally whatever the culprit's been brought to justice we got him uh and then this guy jeff passan just you

know i mean this is this is the you know the second part of this quickie here is um the rest of my career for the foreseeable future will just automatically be cheated on your wife and i get that and i'm i'm okay with that you know i would probably i would probably crack crack some uh some jokes about that as well i told jeff Jeff Passan that he stinks at his job. And no, how exactly did it unfold? I said, he said, sorry, your feelings are hurt. Go make a video about it, which is something that him

and the Pitching Ninja fans have been saying to me. That's what I do. I make videos. I don't know why that's going to be considered some sort of like insult. But if I was like, hey, Jeff, go write an article about it. You'd be like, yeah, I'm a fucking writer. That's what I do.

I make videos. They do well. That's why I do them. And so I said, hmm, okay. Jeff Besson stinks at his job. That might play. To which he responded, it'll be a great compliment to the classic KFC stinks at marriage. It's a pretty good burn from Jeff.

It's a good one burn it's a good one it's a solid it's a good one it's a solid burn from Jeff Hassan it's right up there with the Rappaport burn there are certain times

this is gonna be I'm just basically like I'm gonna get I have the blind side I just I need I need Michael Orr in my life

like I'm just gonna get fucking cracked from behind all the time now but the point here being, you can do that. But you have to have the rest of your argument buttoned up. Like, you wrote a shitty article.

You sound misinformed. You don't know what happened with the pitching ninja. It sounds like you've never even encountered anything about Major League Baseball and their social media policy. Because if you talk to anybody here at Barstool, I can tell you this happens all the time. And it's been happening for years. So, actually, Jeff, I'm just looking out for you. You want to make your jokes about me, my wife, my kids, whoever I've had sex with, whatever my personal life is, that's fine.

But when you want to get back to talking about the topic at hand, you don't have a leg to stand on. You did a very poor job. There you go. That's a good job there. We can do that. It's kind of like Russillo. When Russillo came back, I love when Russillo came back from his little suspension for...

He just got blacked out and ran around in a house that wasn't his. Yeah, a black guy sleeping on someone's house. And he said something to the effect of, I know for the rest of my career, when I say Joe Flacco can't find his receivers, they're going to go, you can't find your house. And he's like, and that's something I have to deal with. I fucked up and that's something I have to deal with. But yeah, I understand that and I accept that. But also, Joe that's something I have to deal with. I fucked up and that's something I have to deal with. But like, yeah, I understand that and I accept that, but like, also Joe Flacco can't find his fucking receivers. Right.

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. If we are literally, if the discussion is about like staying faithful in a marriage, well then, yeah, I'm going to be in real trouble. But if every single argument is going to relate back to that, I get that and we can have our jokes and at this point I'll fucking probably laugh along with you. But when you want to get back to that. I get that, and we can have our jokes, and at this point, I'll fucking probably laugh along with you, but

when you want to get back to what actually happened with the pitching ninja Oriental, you are incorrect. You have not handled this right. You don't know what's going on. You know, it's up to you. How do you want to handle it? You want to just keep up with the low-hanging fruit and continue to get bodied in the real argument? That's up to you.

It's everybody's prerogative. Like I said, we're in the mud here. I'm not sitting here saying I'm offended or I'm hurt or you shouldn't be cracking jokes about me and my marriage. I'm just saying that there's more to talk about here that you are not really doing a good job with. So we can all be in the mud. I got the mud gills. I can breathe forever in the mud.

You can't, Jeff. You work over at YouWho. You're a catfish. Yeah, YouWho is not going to allow this much longer. You're probably going to get a slap on the wrist for even doing what you did today. Um, and really, I also, when, when, when we go at the mainstream media, uh, you need to drop the, I don't know what you do because two things at this point, like we've been around for a long time. You know what we do? Like I host a radio show on serious. It's no longer like, Oh, I'm a blogger. I thought, what does

that mean? What are you right? What do you do? It's like, I host the show on serious do. Like I host a radio show on Sirius. It's no longer like, oh, I'm a blogger. What does that mean? What do you write? What do you do? It's like I host a show on Sirius XM. I host a podcast five days a week. I write on a website the same way you do. You know what I do. Also, you know that I make videos. You're referencing all my tweets.

And you know my personal life and who I've had sex with. So you know who I am, dude. You actually know a whole lot about me. It's like in the social network. What does Justin Timberlake say? He's like, what do I know about you? Nothing. Zero.

I'm still not even quite sure how to say your last name. It's like last night with Eric Bledsoe and Terry Rozier. Oh, yeah. With Eric Bledsoe. I don't know who the fuck that is. It's the dude who just gave you 26 points, dude. If you don't know who he is, it's a problem. Yeah, you should know by now. Go home and watch some fucking tape because he's working you fucking

crossed you out of your jock the other day that was ugly yeah man you can't be dropping that anymore it's like maybe back in the day when we even then we know you knew but you could play that card it's like we are either popular enough in a good way, notorious enough in a bad way, and just straight up size. Size matters, dude. You know who we are. You know who I am. And you know where to find me.