KFC Radio - Quickie: Weather Gods

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

Would you rather be able to control the weather or get $10 million dollars? Let's discuss.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio. It's a Friday, quickie, and I'm sitting in this, like, conference room, sweating like a motherfucker. First of all, I think we've probably bitched about it before. It is wild how we can just never get a studio. KF's, we really are. It's unbelievable. It's like the squeaky wheel gets the oil and the wheel that makes no noise and just rolls perfectly in line down the road gets fucking nothing. You're doing a podcast from a sauna right now. A sauna in here.

It's crazy. It's crazy. And so today's – we can't – That's the other thing. In our office, right now, the radiators are blaring. They're wide open, just blasting heat in the middle of the fucking summer. So we can't even control the climate in our own office.

Today's hypothetical on a Friday is talking about controlling the climate in general. Controlling the weather. Everyone knows the Jews control the weather. So how much money would you rather control the weather

or have... Now, when this was posed to us, they said... Also, mind you, it's your personal weather. Right. It's not that... That makes it difficult, though. You just have a cloud over you?

You always have sunshine. Welcome to my life, baby. Yeah, I mean, we'll get into what you would actually do with the weather. But that actually changes my answer very drastically if it's my personal weather. Are we giving a radius on this? Maybe, like, the town you live in sort of thing? Or, like, literally no like like pig pen like see that's useless well that's not useless at all no it's so useless what's useful about that

what do you mean like right now i would be comfortable and you'd be bitch about how hot it is yeah fine but for a sum of money greater than like i don't know i'm taking cash every time if it's just like my point is if i can control the weather, I would make it rain every day for everybody though. And then it would be like we're all sitting inside watching Netflix. But if it's just raining for me and it's beautiful and sunny out for you guys, like, hey, come to the beach. Come hang out. Why would you choose that it's rainy for you?

I think that's the point here. Like on a snowy day, you would say – I know, but what I really want to do is make it rainy. I like rainy days because it's an excuse to do nothing but if i can only control me everyone else won't buy into the rainy day i get that okay so so really what you're talking about is you will always make it sunny on a cold day on a rainy day i'd make it cold right now i probably wouldn't always make it sunny on like a rainy day but but you know if i if i forgot my umbrella i'm like okay i just need to get to the office

right now make it so it would wherever i ran but you but you're never gonna pick anything other than sun you would never be like i need it to be raining on me right now oh fuck no i'd pick snow all the time i love the snow well you can't go skiing it was just it was just snowing on every day just what because it looks pretty yeah it's retarded yeah and you just want snowflakes to be falling in front of you? Hell yeah. That's idiotic. Hell yeah.

This might be your dumbest thing ever. I'm a big fan of the snow. I guess. But it's not snowing. You like the trees and the accumulation and all that shit. If it's just fucking falling in front of you and then gone, it's literally just... All right. All right.

Let's do city. Okay. Thank you. You can control your city's weather or have a sum of money place inappropriate this is how you do a case you radio hypothetical by the way it's trial and error it's it's it's you know touch and go you got to figure out what number of money or what what hotness of girl or whatever it is that makes it a viable back and forth i don't think this number can be all that high i think i'm taking cash a lot yeah it was originally proposed to us as 10 million

10 million dollars i'm like i'm taking 10 there are very few things i'm doing other than take the 10 million dollars yeah although but like how like now and i'm getting rid of fucking bets like you know i'll bet you 10 million dollars that it rains tomorrow and you're right 100 days in a row. You're not clever, people who think that. Yeah, no. It's the fucking first thing everyone thinks of and you go, no, that's stupid and too obvious. There's no gambling. There's no loophole here.

It's just that you can benefit from having your perfect weather whenever you want or cash money. I think I would become like Batman, though. If I just controlled the weather in New York City, I think... We're taking away financial implications, but I think I would be the hero. People would come to me with gifts. So you would let the people know that I am the weather god.

Yes, I can make it however you want. Present me with your gifts. That's a good way to put it. I was thinking just like, all you can do is snap your fingers. But if you are... I mean, you would be the weatherman. But I ain't talking meteorologist. I'm talking, you are the weatherman.

You are the weather god. I would be the living god. I mean, that's what gods usually like. That's like how they started out. It was like the flood came because God said so. So I don't think there is a sum of money that I would take then. Because you can't put a price on that power and that fame? People would build, erect statues to me they would churches would be they

would look like all the roman statues they would just look like julius caesar's yeah they just take all the statues from her home put them here put them here it's john so you would you would go fame fortune iconic iconic you know historical i'm the weather god yeah yeah i mean forever yeah that's that's better than me just saying i'm gonna make it rain every day so we watch netflix Iconic, historical, I'm the weather god. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, forever people would talk about it. That's better than me just saying I'm going to make it rain every day so we watch Netflix. But not much better. Not much better. Because at the end of the day, John, okay, let me tell you.

Let's play this out. You are now a weather god. What are you going to do? You're going to watch Netflix. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. So I'll just stick to my rainy days.

I'm fucking Eeyore. You're a weather god. And we're both watching Shooter, rest in peace, on Netflix. It's a damn shame. Yeah, I would have a penthouse apartment that some architect built to me so I would give him fucking nice weather. Up in the clouds and you could just whisk him away if you wanted to. Yep, and then I would just sit and watch Netflix there. You know what would be cool too is like you make it rain and then you like go find pretty girls who like want to go to the beach and want it to be nice out.

And you'd be like, I'm going to make it sunny just for you, girl. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's nothing I would do. There's no amount of money to change this. All I care about is – Oh, you know what I would do? Oh, my god.

Do you know what I do? This is brilliant. I would make a fortune and I would become a goddamn hero. I would just go everywhere, find out whoever's getting married that day where it's raining, and make it sunny. Yeah. You're telling me that the grooms and the father of the bride are not going to pay unlimited money so that their goddamn wife won't fucking be like, it rained on our wedding day. And you know what? You find out the day of it's raining raining on a Saturday and someone comes to you

and says like, hey, an extra like 10 grand, I'll make it sunny right now. Boom. They would cut the check so fast. Yeah, start a bidding war. Go to their ex. Yeah, right.

It rained today. Uh-huh, uh-huh. You could do spiteful rain. You could do like, help you out sunshine. Yeah, I'm gonna throw a twist. I'll fucking, I'll make it hail today.

I don't give a fuck. Dude, forget about even the bride. Go to like, the guy, be like, my gift to you is the sun. I don't give a fuck. Dude, forget about even the bride. Go to like the guy. Be like, my gift to you is the sun. The groom. Tell your wife, I paid. You know, your happiness on our wedding day was priceless.

I went to the weather god to make it sunny. God damn, he's so rich. So rich. He would pay like another hundred grand. And also. And then you're also like, hey, I made these people so happy. Also, there's no flight delays when you control the weather. Bad weather? Nope, wrong. No, we're going

home tonight. I'm not sitting here because it's rainy. And then you let people in the airport know you did that. Hey, buddy, we're flying because of me. Don't feel free to tip me on the way off the fucking cabin. I got all the time in the world. I could fucking just hang out here.

You really could do so much manipulating with that. Be like, oh, look, it's raining a little bit harder. We're going to be delayed another hour. Or you could pony up some cash right now. You could hold the world hostage, man, when you control the weather. And then when you died, anarchy, which would be so awesome. The world ends when you die because you were a living God and people realize there is no God anymore. It would just go back to the olden days where you had to just deal with the weather.

Wild, wild west. You know when people are like, geez, what did it used to be like when you didn't have GPS on your phone? You couldn't look up. What was it like when you just had to deal with the weather? John's been here for the last 80 years. Yeah, you know what? At the beginning, I was like, fuck this. I want the money.

Now I'm thinking about the power, the fame, the reputation, the legacy, and the money. I would have a late night show. Just the weather. I would say I'm going to make it. It's going to snow every single day until you give me a late night show. Yeah, like no one's getting to work business and and society as you know it will cease to exist and function until you guys just give me whatever i want and like everyone has to watch or it snows every day i'd have the most viewed late night show in history 100 of america 100 new New York City is watching my show. Because otherwise it snows tomorrow.

Control the world. Wake up your fucking babies. Wake up everybody. I want the Nielsen ratings to explode. Oh, bro. How about this? Like, game seven of the World Series. Like, I'm going to make it poor.

Or, you know. MLB, Rob Manfred. Go to Vegas. Find everyone who's got money on, like on the fifth inning over or something like that. And be like, I'm going to turn this thing into a slop fest right now unless you all just pay up. You could do whatever you want, man. Yeah. Anybody who doesn't pick the weather is a fool.

That was not how we started this. No, not at all. That's the best kind. We come full circle on it. Quite the journey we've come on. Hit us up on Twitter and on Instagram, at KFC Radio. Let us know if you are smart and would like to control the weather

or an idiot and you would take... $5 million? $2.5 million? I'll leave it at $10. Yeah, let's keep it at $10. Now that we've fleshed it out. It should be $10 because I guarantee on Twitter tomorrow

we're going to have so many people tweeting at us about if you control the weather, you can control the stock market. Right. The futures of corn. The futures of corn. Right, right. Their crops aren't going to grow.

Somebody is going to legitimately tweet at us an Excel spreadsheet that they made of like, this is how much money you can make if you control the weather. I know, but that's like one of those loopholes. Like, all right, yes, I get it. That corn would never grow. That food would never fucking exist. And all the cows would die because there's nothing to eat because you blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's one of those loopholes. Yeah. Locusts. But you can explore. I said locusts. Yeah. That's like, that's, I mean, yeah, you know what? You're fucking.

I'd make it rain cows on New York City. You're a storm, man. You're one of the X-Men. You become a fucking superhero. I could kill you with lightning right now. Anybody, I mean, come on. Now that we talked this through, anybody who does anything other than the weather is an idiot. Dumb, dumb idiot.