KFC Radio - Release the Barstool Reddit Burner Accounts Ft. Derek Gaines

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

- KFC and Feits breakdown the drama that has been stirring up the Barstool Office for the past 48 hours involving dating rumors about Ria and Marty Mush, #TeamHank, and Deke Zucker's threats to release Barstool Employee's Reddit and Twitter burner accounts - The shocking meaning behind Riley Reid's back tattoo - Ozark Finale analysis - Is Better Call Saul just a bad show at the end of the day? - Top 5 Most likely suspects to have Reddit burner accounts - Video Voicemails - Girlfriend gone for 30 days - porn "icks" - therapist died - Derek Gaines Interview on being a Janitor, almost getting run over by Missy Elliot, getting into the comedy scene and the Pete Davidson friend circle, why New York is the greatest city, and much more ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Barstool Drama/Burner Accounts/Workplace Romances 53:30 - Feits Notebook 1:18:13 - Top 5 Backstabbing Burner Account Suspects 1:32:50 - Video Voicemails 1:53:43 - Derek Gaines Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Allbirds: Find your new favorite summer shoes at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS Gametime: Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Helix Sleep: Go to https://barstool.link/HelixKFC for $200 off and two free pillows.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I want it more than anything. Put the list out so I know who the fucking hate in this company. So I know who I can publicly say I hate. I hate people privately. Who can I publicly say I fucking hate you? You fucking scumbag. Are you ready for that?

It's another edition of KFC radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I believe the good Bible, the good word says, the normal shall inherit the earth. And this is vindication for the be normal movement. Anybody out here who's normal is going to survive the great barstool purge. I've never wanted a thing posted more than this. I'm going to keep saying it. I don't fucking care.

I want this list posted more than anything I've ever wanted posted. Transport yourself back to like a couple years ago, whatever it was. The Tiana Trump, Brittany Renner sex tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could have had that posted in the moment or this list? No brainer this list, bro. I've watched people suck dick before. I've never seen my coworkers murder each other.

It would be some Lord of the Flies. You'd be crushing people with fucking boulders, man. Everybody get piggied. Dude, it's all I've thought about since the second it happened. Absolutely like i'm far more invested in this than i am in the other absolutely you know it's funny that's an age thing i i got uh i got a text from my friend saying i'm so happy you're at barstool because everyone who's like 30 and up is way more interested in the the worker

dynamic yo i want to know who's fucking silently talking about shit and trying to sewer their coworkers and their careers. A bunch of fucking 20-year-olds who work together fuck each other? Sorry, I don't want to diminish relationships, but yeah, no fucking kidding. What's going on behind the scenes of people in the entertainment world trying to fuck over their coworkers? We work in

entertainment, as you just said, so definitively, everyone here is a narcissistic fucking psychopath like that's just that's that's something you knew going in what what but what this is is when you when you're figuring out the whodunit everybody starts as a as a uh suspect and i got a couple people higher on the list than so so everybody starts as a suspect and then you pair these guys off and you push these guys off based on certain things.

But you're right. Everyone here has, everyone here has motive because they're in the entertainment industry and they're, cause they're an insane person. Right. Because they're, because they're genuinely insane, narcissistic psychopaths. Right. Everyone, myself included. Every, every single person within these walls is a narcissistic.

Like, like if, if everyone who is in these walls if the word narcissist didn't exist could have been named after us instead like it could have been called like a i could be a john or something yeah so i think what happens is everybody starts with a score of like 50 and then you either knock it down based on your behavior or you pump it up to like 100. So on the scale of 0 to 100, where do you fall? And I think, yes, it could be us because we're narcissistic and we're entertainment. We want to succeed. Also dumb.

Like before I sent out a tweet being like, put that list out, I had like a Hank moment where it was like, I'm 99% sure I didn't do one. You're 100% convinced you're not involved in it anyway. 100% convinced. Okay. So why are you having trouble answering that, though, like three times in a row? I just meant, like, I was just going to, like, I know it wasn't me.

I 100% know it wasn't me, but I'm just going to wait until it's all said and done before, like, I go out of my way. Because, like, if there was some 1.001 chance where it was me like then you know what i mean i don't want to come off as a liar it wasn't you it wasn't me like uh yo i'm 99% sure i didn't download the porn i'm 99% sure i was in a spot where i was like i know i didn't make a burner but i don't know if like close people to me wanted to make one on my behalf or were trying to fight the good fight for me, but I know with certainty I didn't, so I'm like, alright. And I think

people can tell. Deke Zucker was like, I've listened to every episode you guys have ever done. I know who you guys are. So people like that, you knock us down from 50 to 40 to 30 to 20. Now there's like a 0% chance we have a burner. A couple other people that are worried about their image down from 50 to 40 to 30 to 20 now there's like a zero percent chance we have a burner a couple other people they're worried about their image they appear

to be a little bit shady scummy whatever they go up to 60 70 80 and then there's so there's there's hundreds out there who have been proven what's funny is at the you know the only like proven burner we know ever is franny leiden so hank himself so let me back up for people who don't know because there are a great deal 40 of them are parents out there who are out here grinding with their kids and not understanding all the barstool drama but over the weekend shit popped off because a fan sniped a picture of ria from chicks in the the Office and Marty Mush in the streets of Seattle, where Marty is hugging Rhea from behind. A clear piece of evidence that they are dating.

That's a big deal because not only are they co-workers, but Rhea also used to date Hank. Very seriously, Hank, the producer of Pardon My Take, lived together. They were the Barstool It couple. You know, big deal. So then after that, Dave Portnoy reacted very, he was very emotional about it. He is a very loyal guy. He believes in loyalty.

And I think specifically when it comes to work, but more importantly, like romance. And I think he's very much a believer of like, once you date somebody, it's off the list for any of the friends. Where do you fall on that? I don't know. I would never date one of my friends, like a good friend. I don't have many friends, so it becomes hard for me to answer. But I don't have none of my friends right i have about six of them i would never date any of their exes would you but i don't know if you're if this happened to you but i also think it's an important note that like i don't

think marty and hank are really friends they're not enemies so yeah wait let me get to that in a minute because all the dynamics of the relationships matter. But if you had a friend who broke up and you spent time with this girl, I don't know, at a group event, a vacation or something where you guys all of a sudden you felt like a spark, would you be like, I'm cutting this off? No. I would not date. Dude, even if that person made me so happy, I would not date because would I would even if that person made me so happy I would not date

because I'd be like I would I would choose to suffer I would choose suffering over awkwardness and happiness sure

so I'd be like fuck it I'll be miserable but knowing knowing how we are like depression gluttons yes

you could see where a normal person might say I'm choosing happiness I could absolutely see that. I envy that person. I envy that person. I'm not that person, but I envy them.

I don't know the seriousness. I feel like Hank and Rhea were pretty serious. Lengthwise, they certainly were. For all I know, maybe Rhea the whole time was kind of like, I'm having fun, but I'm not going to marry this guy or whatever. I feel like the movement makes it pretty serious. Pretty serious, right? I don't know anything about the seriousness of Marty and Rhea,

but if they were like, we felt this undeniable, unstoppable attraction, are they really supposed to say, and I'm not just saying they, is anybody supposed to say, we're going to turn away from that intentionally because of a guy who you broke up with already. You're not going to be together. It's not like I'm breaking you up from that person. You're already broken up, and I have this amazing love. Should I say no?

I think in some instances, you probably should. I think that's kind of being an adult is being like, I want this, but you don't always get what you want. This makes me happy, but I will find someone else who can make me this happy. Now, I do believe it was said by Dave himself, if they go on to get married, he will respect this. So we might have to wait a little while. Tell you what, if I was Marty, I might throw a $50,000 party, pretend I got married, and then just not legally do it.

I would legally do it. I would go the full nine, full nine and then i don't know maybe we get a divorce one day yeah but i'd be like oh you're gonna try to take me down for this we're getting married because this is true love they're gonna be twin flames all of a sudden sucking on each other's tongues banging each other in airbnbs and red carpets like on over the top in love um but you know that's the thing is you got to like take this into account like what if they are madly in love and that's what happens what if that's a real thing what happiness and love is true that's how i know this is all bullshit can't possibly be real how many people are happy like each other i don't fucking think so. I don't think so.

But you know, if that is the case, it's like Ria, you know, Ria broke up with Hank for a reason. And maybe Marty checks all these boxes that ain't, I don't know, you know?

And, and so it's easy to be like, fuck that. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't, but sometimes shit happens, you know, sometimes things happen out of your control.

And then comes your point. If, you know, if, if ria dumps hank they break up and you have no connection to hank you don't let that past boyfriend in fact affect you at all i i think that there is so there i there is i love hank i very much can somebody give me water i'm like dying i'm like i i love hank I very much like Marty. I very much like Rhea. I hope everyone's happy. I hope all this shit. I feel very weird. I was going to say, we're going to get to the burner portion.

Because that's the part we should talk about. But we do have to cover at least this to understand why the burner thing even came about. Wait, why was I just saying that? I lost my train of thought. You want everyone to be happy. No, that wasn't it. That's a lame thing to say. I wasn't going to say that.

I was saying how, you know, who – if you break up with somebody, you know, you don't let that – Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I was saying, I think, like, they're – I don't think that they have a bunch of relationships. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Well, okay. I think – here's what I was going to say. I think everyone outside of Barstool likes to think that everyone inside of Barstool is all best friends. And that is not the case. In fact, most of the time it's the exact opposite.

Because, again, you don't really know what's going on in here. That's why these burners, as evidenced by burners, people are more cutthroat than you think. And also just not friendly. There are some people who are friendly. No, I've had drinking crews before and all that stuff. But I think most people here are not very close. Maybe I'm just projecting. I'm just speaking from my experience.

So what sucks is Marty is now put in a spot. Marty tweeted something. Hank tweeted something to the effect of, I'm mad at Rhea, not at Hank. I'm mad at Rhea, not at Marty. I i spoke to ria i offered to talk to marty he never talked to me until yesterday now if that's me i'm not exactly signing up to go talk to the ex like i probably would because i think it's quote unquote the right thing to do but if ria said to him that's my ex i will handle it I talk to him you don't need to I would be like I'm listening to my girlfriend on this one it's her call

exactly like that is my that is your call on how to handle your ex I'm speaking not in a bar it's all weird it's all fucking weird but like if I was in a regular relationship it's like my ex boyfriend wants to talk to me exactly right so I think you got to keep that in mind so Hank I get it's obviously very different with work, but like.

So Hank being like he didn't offer to talk to me is a little bit of an unfair play because it's like, who would do that? Who would be like knocking down the door? And yeah, it's well. Oh, what happened to you? No, I just hit me. Oh, OK. Yeah. It's a little funny. What was I going to say? So Hank playing that card is a little bit unfair because it's a little funny um uh what was i gonna say um so so hank playing that card is a little bit unfair because it's like you you shouldn't really have to go do that the only time you would do that is if you were close with someone and it puts marty in a spot where he has to be like i'm not friends with that dude and then he kind of looks like an asshole for being like i don't care about him yeah you know what i mean so it's like a lose-lose for marty right now i've done that once with a friend where

it's just like i hooked up with his ex-girlfriend like there's we were younger it's like we all had a friend circle and then like they broke up we hooked up and i was like hey i hooked up he's like why would you tell me that dude he wasn't mad he's like i don't need to fucking know that right right i was like i don't want to hear from someone else he's like i don't want to hear from fucking anybody right we're still very good friends. It's just his wedding. Yeah, but in that moment, he's like, I don't need to think about that. I was in this situation with a hookup, not a dating thing, with Marty.

I went to Marty and I said, you know, that girl that you fucked before, I've been talking to her. Like, is that okay? Are you guys dating? And so I'm sitting here thinking, would I do that? Would I not do that? Like, I did do that literally with Marty because I was like, that wasn't really asking for permission. It was more like, is this going to be a problem?

Is there going to be drama? I need to be able to weigh the, what's the juice worth the squeeze? And he was like, I don't fucking care. Because that was just like girls we were hooking up with. It wasn't anything serious. But if I was willing to do that for a random hookup. You got a lot of little cross pollinating going on, huh? Do I?

Oh, he has one. That was. That was. Did you see what he did? He was like. He was like, you were doing what? He's like, literally, let me sit in my seat. I was first with one and second with another, though.

I was cross-pollinating once. They were cross-pollinating on me. The difference. Whose cum was there first, all right? Whose pollen was there first? Don't get me wrong. I'm about someone who can talk. I was going to say, I bet you if we broke down the fucking pin board, the Venn diagram would be just like this, bro.

So if it was a relationship, I most certainly would kind of talk about it then. But that debate basically boils down to two things. What do you believe in as far as like bro code or girl code uh is someone completely off limits and if they are then you you'd be like fuck marty and two uh you know what do you believe in terms of friends versus co-workers versus you know all that it's like if marty got a new job tomorrow he'd probably never talk to hank again right you know which maybe might happen um but if that were the case, he'd be like,

he wouldn't stop, you know, he'd be like, all right, I'm going to see Rhea because I don't even fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

So if that's the case, but the perception of everybody here is that how could they do that? That's his boy. That's his brother. And they've had some fun together. They've been,

they've worked together, but I don't know. They're maybe not even friends. That's for them. Yeah, I don't know i i talked to both of them very sparingly um but the i don't know they've never i've never talked to been like i've never texted one of them they're like oh i'm out with hank right now i'm out with marty right yeah yeah i i think the whole thing i think everyone got i think particularly last night everyone got pretty weird we're like people picking sides like all like i i i think i think that dan moving marty's desk is pretty weird i think that we talked about that on the run down he was like i i i i sit there hank sits there if he was doing

that for hank that's a different story but if it was like i don't want to be next to you he was like i don't want you know he's like hank comes over to me and we talk about content we bust balls we talk that makes a little more sense to me then i hadn't thought about it like that that makes a little more sense it does but i think it's weird to it just comes across as mean girls you can't sit with us yeah yeah it should have been like i think it's a good idea for you to move because this is art like this is me and hank yeah area i yeah that really had a person i think it was weird to be like i'll jerry will move your things for you like you know so but and i actually understand where he's coming from but it objectively is like a you can't sit with us at the cafeteria yeah so it's going to become across as like a a mean girls type of like elementary or middle school type

thing um and then you know the weird part is as far as like work like people were like you should be fired it's like you can't get fired for this stuff yeah but what unfortunately happens in our worlds you know if if if we if something happened between us at work and i went back to my spreadsheet and you went back to your spreadsheet we're all good if we have a problem our content is fucked so if those guys have a deep problem with them if if dan is that upset about hank and that means he can't be on a stream with marty and all that shit well then what happens you know so that's where the barstool difference what sucks is it's a double whammy barstool is a place where you're much more likely to like fuck somebody or date somebody i should say i don't i don't understand where

people meet if it's not at work that's the thing I shouldn't say that because barstool, everyone's young everyone's drinking and you're probably traveling a little bit more, you're probably a little more heightened to hook up, but everybody at work at every job fucks each other because that's where you spend all your goddamn time

literally all the time that's why it happens you talk to people in bars and shit? No. That doesn't happen anymore. I go to a bar, I fucking put my head down, I quietly sit and ponder things. And that's not where I go to interact with people. No, that's how this happens.

The only way I could ever, like, get someone to maybe like me a little bit is when you're forced to be around me and I'm forced to talk. It's the like Florence Nightingale effect or close quarter syndrome or whatever you want to call it. And I do want to say, too, it's like a lot of people are making it like Marty and Hank's like kind of decision where I think Rhea is like, I broke up with this guy. I'm moving on to whoever I want next, whether it's someone he knows. I'm about female rights. And she was like she tweeted like, I'm going to do I'm happy right now and I'm going on to whoever I want next whether it's someone he knows I'm about female rights and she tweeted like I'm gonna do I'm happy right now and I'm gonna continue

they both said that I respected that from both of them they were both like I know what I did I don't regret it I'm happy I'm like whew good for you what that must be like that level of freedom tip of the cap to doing things that just make you happy.

Anyway, I quit. Does the block on the doy never come back again? It's good will hunting, that shit. Finally doing what makes me happy. It hits a personal uh thing for me what i have a real um a real pet peeve about when people talk about my situation to me they say they always say things like they they're they're coming to my defense if you will quote unquote but they all always say something like now listen we know that you fucked up dude we know that you made the biggest mistake you can make.

We know that you did something. But hey, everyone's got to move on or whatever the fuck. And I'm like, didn't need that little caveat disclaimer at the front. And there are times, of course, where it's like the mistake I made was like the way I handled it that, you know, in terms of like doing what you got to do to be happy or to fucking survive or whatever. Like sometimes people do things that are like about making them happy and they need, and like in this case, in my case, there was something objectively wrong that I did in their case. There's something, um, a little bit unsavory about it.

It was a little bit like, oh, that kind of sucks. You know? Yeah, like, oh, my feelings are hurt. Yeah, but like, I'm not, if I'm an unhappy person and all of a sudden I find someone that makes me happy, it's very rare in this world, and I'm going to be like, well, all three of us now are going to be upset because the one guy's upset.

I don't know. I can just see, you know, I have taken steps in the past to avoid situations like this. So I ultimately think I would say we're not going to do this because it's going to cause problems. And also you've got to just start thinking about your job and shit like that. It's very short-sighted for other areas of life. But I also would say to myself, how important is like this friendship to me and this relationship to me and all that shit? Which brings us to the other thing.

Put that aside. Now the good shit. me and all that shit. Which brings us to the other thing. Put that aside. Now the good shit. The Deke Zucker shit. This is what I'm here for. Ah, let me hydrate. Deke Zucker, which I just learned today, is supposed to be one of those Bart Simpson jokes for Dick Zucker. Deke Zucker? I don't really know. That doesn't

sound that way. It doesn't roll off the tongue. Because also, Dick is a name. So, Dick is a name. So Dick is a name. So you don't need to fake the Deke part. Right. So you'd be like, is there a Dick? Is there a Dick Zucker here? Yeah. Ah, that works a lot better.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Now I hear it. Right. So Deke Zucker is a guy who is a Barstool super fan who many years ago would listen to all of our podcasts and then eventually all of our Barstool Sirius XM radio shows that were like 12 hours a day, and he would live tweet them

and quote tweet all of our most important and funniest lines. And it became like the best way. It was like a one-minute man timeline almost. You could keep up with all of the Barstool drama, all of the Barstool relationships, all the storylines by just reading this timeline because he had all the important quotes and whatnot. Now, since Radio Sirius ended and since things like kind of fractured apart, he kind of disappeared. But he was the best promotion Barstool's ever had. He was a hype man and a Barstool street team all by himself.

So he probably knows. And he specifically says like our content. He's like, I am a, I am a KFC radio guy through and through. So he's like our diehard guy. So he comes out of nowhere being team Hank and says, if hashtag team Hank starts trending, I will release a list

of all of the Barstool employees that have Reddit burner accounts who have been talking shit about each other. I thought there would be

a good amount. Now, as I've said on numerous occasions on this podcast, I want this list out more than I want to wake up tomorrow morning. Well, that's actually not that high of a list. Do you want this list more than the Bruins to advance in the postseason? Advance? Yeah, I'm not giving you a cup, but like next round. But they might lose.

Wow, bro. If you gave me a cup, it's a cup. Cup appearance. Okay, so cup, you gave me a cup, it's a cup. Cup appearance. Okay, so cup, you're taking a cup. Cup appearance. You're not guaranteeing a loss. It's just you're getting me to the Stanley Cup Finals. Correct.

I'm taking the Cup Finals. And I'll take my chances there. And if I'm guaranteeing a cup loss, you come back to the list? If you're guaranteeing a cup loss, I'd probably come back to the list. Because at the end of the day If you're guaranteeing a cup loss, I'd probably come back to the list. Because at the end of the day, a cup is not a cup. That's just I drink for two more months and then be sad for three more months.

That's just my next five months are in the gutter. And also, bro, I'm telling you right now, we get this list, we're having a parade. So here will be a party. I will buy you a giant bowl to drink out of, okay? Okay, so this list, and he confirmed what he meant. He meant back end of barstool people. So it has nothing to do with Reddit.

Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought it had to do with Reddit. Which is, it does, so when he said the back end of barstool people, people who work in the production here or in tech here, IT here, have access to our laptops. Which this is kind of like the Supreme Court leak to me in the sense that I'm happy about this one. Okay? I like this one coming out.

But the next one. But the next one I might not. So let's fucking put a plug in it. Let's do this one and then button up. Because that's the fucking problem with this goddamn company is that everyone who works here is like a fan first. So they all come and they want to get gossipy and like fucking shit. So they have – I've had people who are my friends tell me how much money I make here. And I'm like, how the fuck do you know that? And they're like, I heard it from so-and-so.

He told me because I wanted to – I was like, why is he telling you shit? What are you fucking talking about? A little gossip. I don't like people who don't know what kind of fucking if like if they leaked like all the porns it'd be like yeah he talks about it on a fucking podcast that's the thing well i know what ultimately we all have our skeletons out you have your skeletons in the closet don and i have skeletons propped up on the couch in the living room the skeletons are playing cards at the table skeletons are swimming in the pool i can't i can't think that like. I can't think that maybe you'd be like,

what the hell? No, I mentioned T-Girls on the podcast. I said that, okay? Dude, I talked about Aubrey Kate on the podcast. I said that. You can't get mad at me for this. I guarantee you there are people Googling T-Girls, like T-E-A, T-E-E.

Nope, just the T, guys. Dude, I talked about the Adririen Chachik and Chanel Santini video. I said it. I said it on the show. Chanel Santini is a drop, my friend. That is a name drop. We are talking about transsexual sex, folks. We are talking about transsexual transgender porn, folks.

Let's go. Dude, that shit just is on your fucking front page now. I think they're just trying to like, yeah. You might like this. Yeah, sorry I'm fucking I got the baby blue and the pink fucking flag. So, whatever. But

yeah, but anyway, people who work at Barstool Sports stop telling everyone our business the gossip's out of control and I really do I really believe that gossip

at every workplace is out of control it's just that ours happens to be usually like a little bit more of entertaining gossip you know what I mean

it's like did you hear that Brett fucking you know is in a fight with the girl from sales or whatever. It's like, who cares?

But did you hear about like these two are fucking when they were partying and here and they're partying, you know, they, they travel together there and they're there. These two hosts a show together, but secretly hate each other. Like all that shit.

You know what I mean? So it's a little more salacious. So I think it has a little more rumor appeal, but, um, but it's, it's out of control. But Deke says, and it all does come from,

you know who's sweating the most? It's that person. The leak in our end is probably like, boy, oh boy. That person gets fired, for sure. You can't be going through our laptops, finding stuff out. I mean, I guess you can. I guess that's what a work laptop is but but your your motivations have to be like somewhat pure yeah like so deke tweets last night this is at 11 11 p.m i was almost to bed when you texted me i would have gone right to sleep and i've known any of this if we get team

hank trending on twitter i'll consider posting the list of Barstool employees Reddit burners I got a year ago from one of the back-end database guys who worked there. Hashtag Hank forever. Hashtag Milton Strong. So one of the back-end guys at Barstool, one of the database guys. Just reached out to a fan account. It was like, here's... I bet you it was more than that.

I bet you it was like they probably talked. I bet you it wasn't out of the blue like, hey, I got this list for you. It was probably like, you know, they became friendly on the Internet or whatever and end up, you know, that person has an ax to grind or wants to just talk to somebody who knows the story or whatever. Then follows it up and says, oh, I also have the screen caps from deleted burners dating back five years ago. He puts five in caps because I think if you do a little math and figure out what was going on in my life five years ago,

he says, not saying I'll do it, but I will say if I do, KFC and five or six others will be bringing baseball bats into HQ. Oh, wow. How did you put that together with the five? Hashtag snakes in the woods. Jesus Christ.

Going on five. Hashtag team hang. Hashtag snakes in the woods. So I'm sure there was a bevy of snakes and rats and haters in the comments of Twitter and the blog and Reddit and everything talking all sorts of shit about me when I went through my scandal. That tweet surprised me very much because if you had to ask me who the most likable people in the office are, not likable, well-liked, most well-liked people because you're not

very likable. No. That's a good distinction. The most well-liked people in the office are, I would have you towards the top of the list. Not towards the top of the list. I would have you towards the top of the list. Not towards the top of the list. I would have you in the top five. I would have Spider, Zah, Trent. Clem, me.

But Clem's not – I mean in the office. I honestly – I will say for myself for once I would agree with you, and I actually think that too. That's what actually – what hurt me so much about this is I can't decide what's worse. If it is about the cheating and the's worse if it is about the the cheating and the divorce or if it's about everything else yeah because on the one hand if you talk shit about like my personal life and the divorce and the cheating when you really don't know all the details and all that shit i think you're a scumbag nate did it to me on the rundown that one year uh which is why i don't even like talking about what we talked about to start the show. I don't know

everything that happened. You don't know with any relationship. I tried to do it as broadly as I could, but I don't know anything about that relationship. I don't know anything about that friendship. That's what this is. This is all gossip. That's why this sucks. When Nate did that to me, I was like you know

eat shit and die. I want to shit down your throat until you're dead. Um, but like, then we, we kind of squashed it and, and I mentioned this on the rundown. I don't mean to keep bringing it up because we are like fine, but I did say to him, I'm like, I'll never, we'll never be like totally cool again because I will remember that time at like my lowest where you were happy to publicly, you know, dance on my grave a little bit. And so I'm sure there's a lot of people who you know

said i used to post on instagram and make it look like i was happy and then all that happened when it's like yeah i don't know sometimes i was happy and sometimes i was trying to salvage things and sometimes it wasn't all bad and and i'm sure there are people who think i was phony i'm sure there's people who got cheated on themselves and maybe were taking it out and i'm sure there are people who just uh don't like my personality on top of it all so but that i can at least can understand i even had a couple close friends outside of this barstool world who were like kind of oddly disappointed and i was like you really shouldn't care this much so i'm used to unfortunately like i learned enough about some people who were ride or die and some people who were a little bit like

judgmental. So that's, I don't know what's worse though that, or if I find out that they don't like the rest of me, because that to me is almost more annoying because I have tried to help like every podcast here. I have tried to help every young person here. We've tried to develop ideas. I've tried to help them grow.

I've had them on our show. You've done too much. Too much. Honestly, too much. There have been times where I'm like, I shouldn't have even tried. I shouldn't have even helped you. There have been times where you're like, I've been talking to blank. I'm like, who the fuck is blank?

It's a new person. I'm trying to help him here. I don't even know that person existed. Times that I genuinely, physically, tangibly physically but tangibly would appear on new shows of new people and stuff that was getting like slammed and I was like attaching myself to a failing product to try to help them and it and I would catch heat and I would you know I would get lumped in with the jokes and like that episode of that show was brutal or whatever where it was like I could have

easily said this is a bad I know the shows you're describing right now. I did a couple of them. We're always the first because we're nice guys and we say yes and we actually do want to help. At the end of the day I don't really care but there are you know in entertainment where people are like don't attach yourself to that sinking ship sort of thing

well I would always jump on the ship and try to fucking bail out some water for us to try to keep you a full two more days i had a glass yeah but like so so there are times where i definitely did that and i was like i shouldn't have i should have picked much more i should be much more choosy and i didn't because i was helping people So if I find out that some of those people or people who saw that, knew that stuff and don't respect it or whatever, if I saw that kind of shit talking, I probably would come in with a baseball bat because that would drive me really. If you say I'm a cheater, it's like I've heard it a thousand times before. If you say that I'm like a bad coworker, bad friend, bad personality, whatever. Like, wait a second. What the fuck's going on here?

To be the top of the list, dude. Smitty. Smitty reached out to Deke, and Deke was like, the only person who got it worse than you was KFC. That's crazy. Why is everyone hating Smitty in the office? To be the number. Well, it's not also. It's not everyone.

It's the people with burners. The kind of people who make burners don't like blank. But it's Well, it's not also It's not everyone. It's the people with burners. The kind of people who make burners don't like blank. But it's also it's not even necessarily hate. I mean, you gotta hate someone to do this. But he said, let me read the exact quote. It's much more conniving and calculated than, like, I just

hate you. It's like, I want to end you, you know? He said... But why do you think you have that ability in a Reddit thread? While I don't think that it, like, commenters have that much power, like, we very much know that Dave reads the Reddit. He has, like, openly said that.

Where he says, he's said before that that's how he keeps up with content, which is pretty unfair to say that. So my future is in the hands of these... Like, I've thought about that before, where it's like, he has also said that I'm one of the original guys that can do whatever I want. But I'm sure if that's the case, he reads the Reddit and thinks like, all like that have the power to sway overall vibes of a piece of content

or a person. I agree with that. It's like why Russian bots exist. If it's everyone who replies to a tweet like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're like, oh. Saturation. You're like, oh, I don't like this person. Even though you might have liked that tweet, you're like, wait, I don't like this. And that you might have liked that tweet you're like wait I don't like this

and that's why because I'm a person with no principles or convictions but you actually are if you like something you'll say you like it even if the comments are saying otherwise and vice versa but it'll be in your head and there's a ton of because people like to like the cool thing

and not like the lame thing that's why the number one like uh good feedback i get is like i like your stuff i don't know why so many people hate it and i'm like because yeah but they're saying like i don't even understand where the negativity is coming i think it's great but it's because if i post the one minute man and the first couple comments are like about the topic it's all good if the first couple comments are you cheated on your wife the whole thing goes that way yeah yeah and then i see that and then if you are a new fan and you say oh i like this one minute man guy and you open up the comments and you see what a scumbag what a sleazeball you, you're probably like, oh, oh shit. All right.

I don't like this guy. He's like a sleazeball because there's no fucking, there's nobody backing me up. There's no details. There's no nothing. So I think that they can, you know, and I don't want to get crazy, but you think about the butterfly effect of like, if one person says that, which convinces the comment section, which convinces the demo, which maybe there was some opportunities for me one day where the door got closed, where they were like, well, no like well we're not gonna go with that guy anymore people just

think he's the cheater yeah you know so i think it can it can it can affect careers and i think especially if it's a lot of back-end people i think they know that more than anybody some of these producers kind of know how these things work where everyone's such a cunt dude everyone's a fucking what the fuck you but that's why i want this public i don't care what people said i don't i don't know that anyone said anything about me maybe they did maybe they didn't i don't really care i don't think i don't i don't think anybody would ever have said anything that you've never heard before right now so and but like i just want to know who did it because i think if you are if you're on the on the reddit

particularly if you're a Barstool employee. I get people get bored at work, blah, blah, blah. If you're creating a burner and you are arguing against people who you're supposed to be rowing the ship with, you're a fucking loser. You're a bad person. And I just want to know who the losers in this office are. You're a fucking bad person. You're a loser. You are.

You want to talk about the foxhole has been thrown around a lot now. I want to know to fucking never look at again. That's what I'm saying. I want to know who did that. That's what I said to Deke. And that's what I want to have. And I don't care if they said anything about me. It's if they said about anyone else here.

For sure. Anyone else. If you fucking said something about someone else who works here fucking privately. Like, look, I don't love everyone who works here. There are people I don't like. I would never fucking anonymously create an account and try and sue their career. I've, I've fucking done shows with people I don't like here because I wanted to help their show

because it was fucking good for basketball sports. Right. If I find other people who are like actually trying to fucking sewer careers, they're fucking scum of the earth and I will, I will make their life miserable. Yeah. I will, I will,

I will not create a burner to do it. I'll fucking publicly make your life miserable. Cause I think you're a fucking shit person. I also have full... I would never, like... I would never... If I find out this name, I would never tweet about it and put you out there

and make you be like, you should fire this guy, Dave or Eric or whoever. I have full, full confidence that... I was going to say, it's kind of one of those karma things where I bet eventually you will, uh, like I'll,

I'll give you enough rope to hang yourself. Yeah. But I've actually learned that, you know, like I have, I have, I have a buddy who says always people are those like, you know,

you're going to get what's coming to you, man. And they meant it more than he's like a mischievous kind of guy. Like he was like a, uh, um, like a mischievous kid growing up. And then he was kind of like a heartbreaker as a guy.

And then he was like a little bit of an asshole and people like, you're going to get like popped in the mouth one day. And he was like, no, I'm not. And I think unfortunately for this, a lot of these people always actually get ahead. So I was going to say,

I feel confident that I wouldn't need to like end your career because you'll do it yourself. Like eventually you'll go too far, but I don't know. So I'll always succeed. No, no, no,

they'll be fine. Yeah. Right. Unless we publicly say their names and fucking say, fuck you. So Deke said 70% back end, 30% content. Everyone starts their burners by defending themselves. They turn against others to deflect heat. So it starts out being like the fire KFC movement is going.

I jump in saying why fire kfc i think that guy's great then a couple more comments go by and then i go you know who should be fired yeah he's the real problem and then all of a sudden you're passionate about that that's not why content people use burners at barstool in my opinion they want to turn heat on others because they believe resources are scarce and if they make someone else toxic, it will be easier for them to succeed. Do you understand what a fucking piece of shit you are if you do this?

No, they don't. I think they do. I think the people who do this anonymous fucking shit I think that they you have to know. You have to know. If you're fucking doing something like this, you're a genuinely awful person.

Even like, oh, I want a new producer. You're a bad person for fucking, what, you just don't like the other person? You think your show is better than theirs? Fucking show that your show is better than theirs. Make your show better. Don't spend your time making their life worse. You're a fucking piece of shit.

Bad people. Bad people. You're a genuine piece of shit. Where I do think we come out ahead is you know i i've known about people who have had burner accounts or comments i know about people who have kind of like put their their selves first themselves first and i do know that where i go home every day maybe being like not the biggest star or whatever but i'm pretty like confident that like i know exactly where

I stand. At least I thought I did. Maybe not. I'm talking to people talking shit. And I know those people are the types of people who are looking over their shoulders every two seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they have to worry about their image and their lives.

I can't imagine stress all day every day. I mean, life's hard enough as it is. Could you imagine if it was like every single day was like, what if my house of cards all comes crumbling down because they find out that I'm XYZ? They got burners and fake shit all over the place. That, to me, is enough. It might not seem that way publicly. Maybe you're one of the beloved people or whatever, but you're getting tortured deep down.

You're melting down on the inside. I don't know how you look in the mirror and you're like, I was a good person at work today. How do you think that? I bet you it's a lot of like hey it's dog eat dog world like we got like don't go i don't go home and look at the mirror and say i'm a good person but but i look at the mirror but i know i didn't i didn't do anything actively bad i was like you were great today john right but i fucking i'm not like you did bad things today those people are because they need to like convince themselves of otherwise, you know? Now, the fact that it's 70% producers.

Producers, I don't. Dude, producers, I actually, depending on what they did and what they said, I don't fucking really fault the producers. So I was going to say. I listen. I hear stories about how a lot of people in content treat producers here. Right. I would be like, fuck you too.

I'd be like, fuck that. Yeah. No, I would. I would. I would recommend would i would recommend and i would encourage to say to their face right but i get you don't have the power right you say fuck you to that guy and he says you're fired right you know and so there is a power dynamic here where i'm sure some of those guys are like and the people who treat the people i hear treat

producers like that are people you're like that person can treat someone poorly what are you talking why are you even tolerating yeah you know now um some of it i feel like our people who it was just like we don't like them and we're gonna run them out of town or we're gonna like run their career aground or whatever but some of this shit i feel like yeah you you probably do deserve i almost want to start a burner with you and and like go off on them the way that you know learning about the way they treat you. But as far as the 30% content, all it really takes is one. It could be 30% and 29% is new people or people who don't have a big deal. But if there's one name on there that's a person that matters, it would be a problem.

I'll say this. There is not a single name on there that would surprise me that's what I said initially I said I bet I wouldn't even be surprised by this and Deke said you wouldn't be but there's like

it doesn't matter it doesn't matter you would have surprised me that's it there is not another name on there that would surprise me well I think I think Clem and Trent

are safe yeah yeah yeah and then I think okay so I guess I'm saying no one would surprise me I'm trying to think I honestly me. I'm trying to think. I honestly don't.

I'm not trying to word it. There are guys. I'm trying to say it. I would say in my world here, you, all these guys, all KFC Radio, Robbie, Trent, Clem, Frankie, Rudy are guys that I know wouldn't do it to me at least. I trust them. Could I 100%? The only person I could 100% say, if a couple of those guys came to me and said,

in a moment of weakness, dude, I just fucking, I just caved in and I made a burner and I said, fuck this guy. I think Clem and Trent are the only guys who wouldn't. Everybody else is like, I don't expect you to, and I'm 99% sure, but if you told me that you just were like, I made it up. I would be like, what? Yeah, right.

That's crazy. I mean, the whole company. Everybody else is fair game. And producers, and management, and I mean everybody. Probably even more so. I mean, absolutely everybody would not surprise me. I'd be surprised to see my name on this. Yeah, oh yeah. Probably even more so. I mean absolutely everybody would not surprise me.

I'd be surprised to see my name on this. It was my name. Fuck, mine was that. Now, and you also got to remember that if this is Barstool IP addresses. There are, by the way, sorry. I just want to forget to say this. There are people. I got a lot of texts last night.

I think I was the first one to be like, Whoa, let's go! And then I got some texts from people last night being like, Let's go! And then I got some texts from people last night being like, I don't think it's real. I bet they made it up. And I was like,

Sounds like someone might be on that list, bro. I got text messages last night, too. If your text is not, let's go. We know. There is only one appropriate response right now. And it's, oh fuck yeah. Otherwise, man. And that's where the true snakes, that's where the real snakes shine.

The real snakes would be the guy who's beating the drum. Release it, release it like release it release it release it like truly george costanza going to the end of the earth because that's what you got i almost didn't say because i thought people would think that's what it's all it's also mental it's always that but guess what i want it more than anything put the list out so i know who to fucking hate this company i so i know who i can publicly say i hate. I hate people privately. Who can I publicly say I fucking hate you? You fucking scumbag. Amen, brother.

Release the fucking list. It's not new. It's something that's been going on for a while. Franny Lydon was the first case that we knew, which is funny that Hank. I was thinking about that today. In that one, I didn't care because I think I liked Hank so much. Yeah. So that one, there are people who could be on this list that I don't care.

Yeah, but that's not true. You would care a little less or whatever but like Hank was doing it all. He was like I don't think it was fire. It always like I remember Franny Lyon said something nice about me, so I was like, eh. Franny Lydon was cool to me.

I think Franny Lydon loved you and Kay Markham. Yeah, it was like, all right. I like Franny. Shout out, Hank. But the general practice is, what happened there was Hank was kind of like a puppy. He was like, I don't know. I thought it was cool to be a bad guy for a day.

This is much more calculated and evil. But my favorite story ever about burner accounts, because there's, I mean, you know, catfish and all that shit. There's like a whole industry built of this stuff. But you brought up a old school classic burner, Barstool burner story that involves one of the all-time characters of the early days of Barstool, a gentleman by the name of Venerable alfred i believe was his name that that was definitely that's a guy for sure

i just i'm pretty sure this was the one yeah yeah yeah okay so venerable alfred's for sure venerable alfred was a barstool commenter in the early days there was probably about 10 guys that you knew their names he did 76 who had the battering ram right hand yeah yeah uh i remembered steak and shake was one uh i don't remember any anymore they were there was a time when i definitely read the conversation they were all so many of them were like 40 something year old men who were in miserable marriages who would just come to the comment section and be like i hate my wife so much and i thought that was always so funny and i was like this is probably foreshadowing um but one of them was also the venerable alfred who played who we thought was a man from the united kingdom yeah well this all came up because you were talking about your mets

your mets oh yeah there's a there's a mets fan in the uk who uh he watches the games all the time but as i started you're like he's this big meathead who's tan and he fucking yells at this fucking guy this and i was like dude that's just like he's this big meathead who's tan and he fucking yells at this fucking and i was like dude that's just like that's just a mets fan i was like this guy's a guy in queens the guy queen's pretending he's british and then it made us think of venerable alfred who who was i mean he would he would speak in like the queen's english i think everything would be typed out like in in slang and and proper english to make it sound like he was from England. And he would post that at UK hours. At UK hours, yeah, yeah.

He would, like, set alarms, I guess, or I don't know, maybe he had a job. Well, at the time, we just thought that's when he, you know, he was. But it turned out. It's just a dude from Boston. Yeah, I think it was in Cambridge. Someone flew. Like, he went all the way with it. He did Costanza, where he was like, yeah, come on over to England.

And some woman flew to England to see him. And he was like, dude, I'm in Cambridge. Maybe that's what it is because there's a Cambridge in England, right? Oxford and Cambridge. Yeah, most of the towns in Massachusetts are British towns. Maybe he wasn't lying. He was like, I'm from Cambridge. And they were like, okay, I'll meet you there.

And he was like, I mean Boston, motherfucker. Everything is – all my memory is a little hazy at this point because it was probably eight, nine years ago. More than that, brother. It was one of the craziest things. Finding out that Venerable Alfred was just a dude in Boston and that someone flew to see him is

so goddamn funny. That's the kind of shit I can laugh about. Sewering and torpedoing careers, not so much. If there were burner accounts that were just kind of funny or whatever, whatever. But the other shit other shit can't tolerate so i mean you just genuinely cannot tolerate that that's i i i don't want to say this because in case like like i don't know one of my really good friends around here although i guess i don't have any outside of this room but the like like

i think i think that you have a legitimate uh not responsibility but argument to fire everyone who's on that list yeah i think there's like you're you're working against the company the company yeah the bottom line you're trying to ruin not ruin the company because you're you're trying to boost yourself up but like you are doing evil nefarious actions against the company's interest. Right. That's a fireable offense to me. I mean, if we did a whole interrogation about downloading porn, why don't we just fucking set up a seat lamp and just start one by one? Who's trying to fuck up Barstool Sports?

We should do the KC Radio investigation for the next two months. Everybody just comes in and we just interview each of them one by one. Like, you're lying. Don't put it past me. We'll put it on the YouTube as long as you subscribe. I've got to be honest. That was today. I was like, there's too many subscribers out there for me to get.

We're going live. We're doing Barstool Radio. I saw enough people being like, oh, I can't believe there's no Barstool Radio today. I was like, yes, there is. I think you texted me at 9.15. I had already gotten up early and came in because I knew that that was going to happen. I was like, we is i think you text me at 9 15 i had already gotten up early and came in because i knew that that was gonna happen i was like we're not we're not missing

this opportunity man yeah um so yeah i mean there's yeah you know you can debate the office romance if you want but to me it's much more about which of the fucking rat co-workers because that's something everybody can relate to maybe not on this level maybe there's not reddit forums but there's the guys who go to the boss behind your back there's the people who sabotage you in the meeting who give you bad information or whatever because they are insecure and need to put others down to get ahead and then there are the guys who are genuinely good people and 99.999 percent of the time i i do believe in nice guys finish last i think that you know snakes finish first but if you get caught it's like well how can you say that as you sit here meaning like i didn't finish you're doing pretty good yeah well yeah no i

should say like um yeah but i mean i bet there are i bet i could be further ahead if i i don't know because then you'd be a different person yeah and it like yeah you like you have to be a bad person to do that and i just don't know what i guess it's not nice guys finish last it's that snakes should finish last and they don't yeah that's what really the fucking message is it's like you can get places by being a snake and i actually always encourage it snake it till you make it and stuff but that's you know the various shit is the problem and fucking like creating burner accounts to to fucking sabotage people you work with yeah i think there's a you know like i during my presentation fucking like the like i don't know like think about the the the real world effect that has on

a person right be even even if it's families and kids and shit i'm not even talking financially i just mean like like i don't know if the person you're doing it to also is on the reddit and they're going to fucking bed every night like absolutely like i'm gonna lose my job i'm so stressed out on the reddit like the only two people in the company who don't read the reddit suck my fucking i created that monster what yeah i know you did i fucking know you did my my worst my worst move ever i said on on radio today i was like it was like the guy we met to the atomic bomb i remember i remember i vividly remember when you were like dave like doesn't want to go on reddit i'm like dude do an ama yeah and i didn't know what that

was at the time either and uh thought of Reddit as this place of the internet, like the front page of the internet. I was like, we're an internet company. We want to be on the cutting edge. Let's be on Reddit. And I didn't know that the people... It's interesting to see which fan bases... The Fighter and the Kid has one that's awful like that. That's a whole other fucker. We could have done

a whole Grudgement Day discussion about what's going on in the comedy world. That got totally overshadowed by this, but there's a whole fucking thing going on with brendan shob and bobby lee and it's a lot of gossipy shit going on there but their their red subreddit is awful and then there are probably ones that are like we prop you up and you know we like love the show that's like must be fucking nice for real. Must be nice. But yeah, so I don't know. Let us know who you think's on the list. Well, maybe that's

what we do, Top 5 Burners. Top 5 Burners. Top 5 Burners at Barstool. Top 5 people most likely to have one. Ooh. Let's do it. Let's do it! Alright, we're getting into Top 5s, but first, the little black notebook. I'm going to get into the top fives. But first, the little black notebook.

I'm going to do two super quick things today. One, I was at a bar Saturday. It is like it's this bar in Westport where my parents live. And it is like when you're in this bar, it is like you are in a bar. It is. It's an unbelievable bar. It's so fucking awesome. But it is like you are in a bar. It is, it's an unbelievable bar. It's so fucking awesome. But it is like,

you're on set of The Perfect Storm. What bar is it? It's, I mean, it's called the Westport Social Club. Oh,

okay. And, it is like, it's just very, like, I posted a picture on just my Instagram story that night of like,

there's a dog that just runs around the bar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just jumps up on the bar stools

and just sits there. Yeah, I love spots dog that just runs around the bar oh yeah yeah he just jumps up on the bar stools you just sit there like it's just like love spots like that dude and but so while the dog jumps up onto the bar stool this uh guy comes over he's a bigger guy bald big beard he's got like a fucking union pipe fitter shirt on or something you know one a union shirt on yep and he kind of closes up next to the dog and and then another older gentleman comes. He's got like a fucking barracuda jacket on. I've got a lot of barracuda jackets in my life these days. And he's like petting the dog, but he kind of fucking bumps into the other guy. And they're friends. They know each other.

And the guy turns around and he's like, look, if you're going to pet the dog, pet the fucking dog. Don't fucking pet me, okay? Fucking touch the dog, not me. And the older guy, he's like a much frailer, older guy than that guy, but they were together for some reason. He turns around and says to me, just because I happen to be standing there, he just goes, he's just got this really weird thing with gay. He goes, almost like it's a phobia or something.

And I was like, if only that was a word. It's like a gay phobia. It's like a homosexual phobia thing. Is that something people call that? Is there a term for that? I started dying. That is hilarious. He was like dejected from it.

He's like, he's just got this really weird gay thing. That is fucking great. It could be like a phobia. And my other quick story. So today I was sitting in the gambling cave, whatever the fuck we call it. TVs. I was sitting in the room where TVs are. And there are a bunch of the producers in there.

The rats. Yeah. yeah yeah and uh and um one of them uh was like uh he's like oh did you know you can like i guess i guess they were looking at the barstool instagram and i guess there's an instagram posted where like you can basically highlight text on shirts now in pictures and and then because of that you can highlight tattoos and the whole thing is to say that like i'm trying to pull the video but we have no internet the internet company um no this is on the bar so instagram whatever the point is there's some young girl she got a chinese tattoo on her back and the instagram is like it's like highlighting the tattoo and then it translates it all in all in a picture oh cool yeah it was Yeah, it was very cool. And I immediately was like, what does Riley Reid's back tattoo say?

And then they went and found it out. And the translation on that actual technology app was very not useful. I can imagine. It wasn't making any goddamn sense. Right, right. So I was like, I'm just going to Google it, because I never knew what Riley Reid's back tattoo meant. And them saying Asian back tattoos translation made me think of it. Do you know what Riley Reid's Back Tattoo meant and them saying Asian Back Tattoos translation made me think of it. Do you know what Riley Reads Back

Tattoo says? I have not a clue in the world. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Get the fuck out of here. Dude, one of the more wild things I've ever heard in my life. I would say out of all of the euphemisms, that might be the most used euphemism ever.

The fact that she was like, I need that in a Chinese symbol. Massive down my spine. Oh, my gosh. That is hilarious. It is. It's not an exact translation. I looked up. So because that technology was so not useful I decided to look it up and I

found a website called guys gab where this is articles from 2017 it feels like it looks like kind of like a almost like a barstool knockoff in 2017 like someone who kind of wanted to be like us yeah and then I started reading it and and I'm just gonna do I'm just gonna do a dramatic reading real quick okay okay I won't do the full thing because it's long.

It's long. But here it is. The first time I laid eyes on Riley Reid was in Vivid's brand new Faces 36, and I was instantly taken by her, even though she wasn't really my type. A little smaller up top. Had a bit of a retro look going, not to mention Riley Reid's back tattoo, which was pretty aggressive. But that unique back tattoo set her apart from other adult stars, and she became known for it.

This stunning looker with a tight teen body started out her smut degree at the young age of 19, and in just a few short years, she's become a fixture in the adult industry. If you watch any of her scenes, you know why. Because she puts on a performance like no other. And you can tell that she's loving every minute of it. But in the beginning, she faced an uphill battle, as her back tattoo was a bit of a hindrance,

since tattoos weren't really accepted back then. Sure, you'd see the occasional porn star with a cute little tattoo on her wrist or ankle, or maybe even a tramp stamp. But Riley Reid's massive kanji tattoo runs the length of her spine and is impossible to miss. And forget about trying to hide it with makeup for scenes or photo shoots. She just has to own her bold tattoo. You can see Riley Reid's tattoo in all its glory below. Here's a photo for everybody.

If you haven't seen it, it's a nice picture. What does Riley Reid's back tattoo mean? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But that's not exactly true. And then it has the quote of all the Chinese characters. Yeah. Is what you can see on Riley Reads Back. But according to one of my Chinese friends, that actually

translates to read, life brings you when lemons make lemonade. Oh! Riley Reads has even acknowledged that mistake in an interview with AVN stating my tattoo is not an exact translation but the concept remains the same hey it happens either way I wouldn't kick her out of bed kick her out of bed bad tattoo or not

bro I'm trying to think of her like what made her like what could you get on there that's more cliche like what phrase? I honestly don't think there is.

Yeah, you know, like, I'm trying to think of something more. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Yeah, like the golden rule. Or like, just like. But that's what we should do. It is what it is. Anyone who fucking gets caught with a burner. Has to get.

Has to get the golden rule tattooed in Chinese down their spine. On their fucking face. That would be great. Some inglorious bastard shit. Yeah. I'll spine. On their fucking face. That would be great. Some inglorious bastard shit. I'll tell you what, that fucking tattoo, that tattoo's hot shit.

That tattoo is. It's fucking hot. That exact picture, that pose, it's like, yeah, I don't care what it says. It could fucking be

the words of mind comfort or whatever, man. Looks good to me. You ever get into a rabbit hole and you find one where she doesn't have it yet? No.

That's always wild. What, dude? Oh, yeah. That sounds like you're watching some illegal shit. What a fucking perv statement by Nick. I expect that from us, not from him. She started when she was 19, Nick. There wasn't many years before that.

I don't think she got that until like a few years in the game. No, she might. You're right. I'm just fucking around. No, she – That's hilarious. She is – I don't think she got that until like a few years in the game. I know she might. You're right. I'm just fucking around. No, she... That's hilarious. She is...

I've definitely seen one. My first tattoo on my right shoulder at 18, a design I drew up that I imagined from a music note. It's a heart with a dying yang inside the heart. Okay. And then a peace symbol falling from the heart. It was my expression of coexisting love. I've seen the other tattoo.

I never really got it. I still don't, but I've heard the explanation now. Now we know. Before we do top fives, I have... This is my take of the day. I'm going to do a take of the day every episode now. That way I can put it on social media. My take of the day.

You can join in if you want. It doesn't have to be. Ozarks. The Ozark ended absolutely horrifically and absolutely killed any chance it had of being like one of the all-time great shows. It was entertaining for sure, but the last season and the actual finale

and some of the shit that went on in those final episodes was so sloppy and so unbelievable that even if you did believe it was one of like the all-time great shows it it knocked out it knocked out any chance that it that you may think it have had it was such a mess they introduced reintroduced so many characters that didn't need to be there there was so much unrealistic shit that would happen for like dealing with a drug cartel and a major pharmaceutical uh corporation that like a show that was what was good about breaking bad and shows like that is like it's rooted in reality where we like yeah we took a little liberty you know to make it entertaining this became so far fetched the ending was so disappointing and the actual very very end was like was out like

that was stupid and also not like there was no like gravitas to it was like oh i was kind of like oh wait that was the last episode okay shit so fuck that and then as i started talking about that i got roped into a better call saul discussion because a lot of people were like ozark is trash you should watch shows like better call sa, which is an all-time great. Better Call Saul is not an all-time great show. No, it's not. Better Call Saul is a spinoff of an all-time great show. It had the luxury of existing in a cinematic universe of an all-time great show.

That gave it a huge leg up in some regards because you get to see Gus Fring. You get to see Mike Ehrmantraut. Those are major characters that you're going to want to see. Those are major characters that you're going to want to see. Those are great. Better Call Saul is a show that has three full seasons. Four. Four full seasons of boring, bad television just to get to some sort of payoff that I don't even know if we're going to get there because it still has yet to be seen.

I'll watch every single episode. I promise you that, AMC. You think you're going to fuck me? I'll watch every single episode. I promise you that, AMC. You think you're going to fuck me? I'll watch it all. I'll watch every single second of it. I am now... So I tweeted after season three. I said, I'm three seasons deep.

I still... It is not a hit for me. I said something along the lines of, I don't have it in the same ballpark as Better Call Saul, as Breaking Bad. And some people were like, yeah, dude, obviously not.

Like, that's not a crazy thing that a sequel's not as good. But many people who currently watch say it's better. Absolutely. A lot of people say it's better than Breaking Bad. And some people were like, yeah, dude, obviously not. Like, that's not a crazy thing that a sequel's not as good. But many people who currently watch say it's better. Absolutely. A lot of people say it's better than Breaking Bad now. So I finished season three. And even the people who say it's way better than Breaking Bad were like, I get your complaints this far.

Right. That the beginning is insanely slow. It's crazy. They're like, Lalo Salamanca comes in, and he's like one of the all-time great villains. So I finished season four now. Lalo Salamanca comes in, and he's one of the all-time great villains. So I finished season four now. Lalo Salamanca was in it for five minutes. Maybe season five is when Lalo starts going. I remember I started watching it when it came out because I was excited.

And I was like, dude, this is bad. And I was afraid to say it because I was like, am I the only one? And I gave up with it then. Then I restarted it one day when I had nothing else to watch. And I had the only one. And I gave up with it then. Then I restarted it one day when I had, like, nothing else to watch. And I powered through. And I finally got to some episodes that I thought were good. There is one so far. But I don't even remember.

So it's not even memorable. So far, I genuinely think there's been one great episode. The Mike flashback? Mike flashback. And I watched that in real time when I had – I wasn't watching the show. But I could dive back in because I knew Mike and I knew – so what you can do is dive into like the late season episodes like season five or whatever we're on now with the knowledge you have from Breaking Bad and you'll probably not understand some things but you're pretty much good which is a bad sign for the other seasons of TV go watch

the episode of Mike and his son that's the only one you need and that's awesome that's a great hour of television unbelievable the. The rest is... When he's crying, be like, I broke my son. It's fucking incredible. It's in season one. That's an awesome,

awesome episode. Everything else. Aside from that, it's been all pretty forgettable. I have now invested. I did the math. Wait, actually, I did the math after episode,

after season three. So it's about seven hours of television is each season because it's 40 minutes. Oh, okay. Got it. So now I am now 28 hours deep in this show, and I'm almost to the good part, I'm told.

That's insane, dude. That's insane, dude. We used to say, like, the first episode is a little slow. Power through it because it's good. And then it became season one. And I'm talking about in general. There are many shows where they're like just season one is tough, but then it pays off. Because you do need to – I understand that to an extent because you do introduce characters.

I don't know, man. I don't give you full seasons of Slack. Yeah. Full season? No. I can see a full season being a little slower. Right, sure. Once you have a grasp on everybody.

Yeah, you have to establish everything. But there's a good way to do that. Good shows have an overarching. Breaking Bad, I don't get that complaint. Breaking Bad, like episode three, they're killing people and shit. Episode one, he's like cooking in the fucking thing with them. And he has to knock out Nacho or whatever he has to like gas the two guys

like right away we're cooking meth and we're like poisoning drug dealers and he's almost gets caught right away and gets away with it and that's the beginning of him like getting away with it by the skin of his teeth and the first the people who said Breaking Bad started slow are not correct

I'm 28 hours in and he's still Jimmy McGill right he hasn't even trained some fucking soul yet better call jimmy mcgill he goes by jimmy mcgill he goes by saul goodman like because he like he like sells like burner phones yes yes and he goes by saul goodman with that but like he's still he's not a lawyer and he is jimmy mcgill cell phone salesman and i mean all i gotta say is electricity allergy. That's one of the stupidest storylines of all time. That would have been a mildly interesting storyline for a season. It goes on for years. It's crazy.

Years where Mike McKean is a great actor and is just pretending to be allergic to electricity. So stupid, dude. It's nuts. And so I just want to say that anybody out there... Literally, in those first three seasons, four is better. Four is better than the first three seasons. It's not great.

It's fine. No, but it would be a little more fast-paced. It's better, yeah. There's one scene where the... Because Giancarlo Stanton... Not Giancarlo Stanton. Giancarlo Esposito is back, and so he's doing a couple of gus freaking things and and yeah breaking bad starts to happen yeah exactly and so season i've started season

five i'm on like episode one or two um is season five the one that's airing now no it's no fucking what's his fucking hank jesse hank yeah hank so like hank and steve come in so i'm like okay now we're getting like this show did not have breaking bad characters and the benefit of the doubt from breaking bad goodwill people would have given up immediately when their guy was hiding on from from it with a blanket for technology for electricity it's stupid and also uh people who think the people who say to me, shows don't have to be fast-paced. They kind of need to be paced properly. Super, super slow pacing is not good.

And it's not a slow burn. It's not a big build-up. It's like this show doesn't have any entertaining moments. So get the fuck out of here. I did not. When I tweeted that, I was not as – it was not hated. Even people who watch the show agree. They're like, you're right.

Right. I expected a big wave of disagreement. People seem to tend like – If you admit that multiple seasons are slow and boring, then the show is bad. That's just a fact. And so I guess – Again, 28 hours. Yeah.

28 hours of vestibule. Just give eight hours. Yeah. Like eight hours. Just give it a, just give it, you know, fucking a work week. No, dude, I've watched 40 episodes because they're all 42 to 47 minutes,

40 episodes before it gets good. And actually, actually it's more than that. Cause some of them are like an hour long. So I would say I'm going to, I'm going to give myself an even 30. I have 30 hours invested to the show. And you're, and you're like barely like it.

And that's, I guess to wrap up my take of the day, I guess to sum it up, what I think is interesting is that for some reason in the television world, standards are extremely low and patience is extremely high. And that is nowhere else in entertainment.

Everywhere else, it's like if I send one bad tweet, people are like, unfollow. If you're listening to a podcast for free that is just a couple people shooting this shit, and you're like, this is unlistenable, I'm out. But in television, you like a certain director or a certain actor or a certain series, and you refuse to admit that an episode, a season, or a series is bad. And you will watch it an endless amount of time for a possible payoff. Everything else, that song sucks. That podcast sucks.

That person sucks. That everything sucks. But TV is like, nope, this is great because it's a slow burn. This is great because I know the guy's name and some critic told me it's good. Why in television is there this incredible loyalty? It's weird, isn't it? It is weird, yeah. But also when it turns, it's a lot more violent.

True. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones, yeah. But Game of Thrones was a good point. That final season, we were doing Game of Stools and I was like, the first episode, I was like, that wasn't very good, guys. but game of thrones was a good point that that final season we were doing game of stools and i was like i like the first episode i was like that wasn't very good guys and people hated me and then and i was like well the second episode will be good there's no way they're gonna fuck this up

and i was like that one was bad too and i had people hang on i i actually i'm i want to sorry what was that episode called uh battle of winderville yes the dark episode yes where i was like i it was bad and and I couldn't see anything. And you did your review. Bro, I meant to do this months ago. I tweeted... Oh, I fucking forgot about this. This is going to...

Hang on, my nipples are going to hurt. Yep, yep, yep. Okay. Dude, so I tweeted Battle of Winterfell immediate review. 15 second review. Here it is. Battle of Winterfell, immediate review. 15-second review. Here it is. Battle of Winterfell, immediate review. Such an asshole.

I love it. He's so bad. That's a Tom Segura's mom fart right there. Dude, I want to go through some of these replies. Because people were fucking, you know, furious and acting like you were the moron and you're a child. I used to like you. Wrong, wrong, wrong, so wrong, worst takes of the century wrong. Your replies aren't great, but have you checked the Reddit?

You should. Yeah, my own co-workers probably fucking shitting on me uh this one says that's bait um i mean i'm the biggest nerd out there but it was that good uh like why is that why do people uh did you post this just to get attention never seen a worse take unfollowed uh freezing cold take imagine the biggest event in television history on a sunday night at your office i probably have the same reaction. Dude, you are garbage. OMG, you're so different and unique. Hating popular things doesn't make you interesting. Of course, everyone at the office hates it.

You watch it on six TVs, merge into one. That's my review of the Red Sox last year. Nobody cares. You're a buffoon. Why is that? That whole season, I – Shut the fuck up and go listen to Taylor Swift, you big losers. After many years, I can't follow you any longer.

Couldn't disagree more. The amount of unfollows you get talking about television is insane. The most I've ever been vindicated, and it's going to be second place once I get the list from Deke, was when everybody finally had to admit that the final season of Game of Thrones was bad because from Jump Street doing that podcast I was like that episode stunk, that episode stunk that battle stunk, guys this isn't going good

wait a minute there's not enough episodes left to fix this, this is going to be a bad season and I had, Ellie was telling me I was wrong and then by the end of it Ellie and everybody was like oh shit yeah you're right and I was like well why couldn't you have said this, why did you why do people have this blind if your favorite music artist puts out a bad song it's're right. And it's like, well, why couldn't you have said this? Why do people have this blind...

If your favorite music artist puts out a bad song, it's okay. You can say it's bad. Yeah. But a television show... But a lot of people don't do that either. That's what I mean. Yeah, people get obsessed with these things. I think it's more in television.

But yeah, they get obsessed with this shit where they just cannot admit that something was disappointing. Yeah. Or fell short. It is. Maybe it's because they have so much worth that like, I need this show to be good because otherwise I don't have anything. But it's like,

I don't know. Just be real. That one in particular is one of the all time, like never hot takes exposed. I was so, me and Clem talk about it like regularly. We're like, remember that time we were so fucking right.

But it took years. Years. It wasn't like, it wasn't like, and when we talk about people still years years it wasn't like it wasn't like and when we talk about people still say that it wasn't dark there are people who still say it's my td's fault it is physically objectively a black screen i remember i'm like this is the dragon fight i can't see anything who's dead who's alive i don't know nobody died it was all that for brandon

broken but i'll still be watching it all right anyway that was supposed to be my one-minute take. That was 20 more minutes. Top five. My one-minute take is ordering milk at a movie theater is weird. The milk man, baby. Yeah, you know what? Did you go to a movie? Did you go to a diner?

No, I went to the movie theater. I know, but I've never seen a movie theater with that water cup. It's awesome. That was like a diner. It's awesome. You go to this place, the Alamo. They have these little piece of paper and little pencils, and you write your order. There's menus underneath.

You open it up. You look at your menu. You write your order. Do you have your phone light? They have little lamps on this thing for you. There's like a little bit of a lamp. I know of Alamos. I've never been to one.

There's like a little bit of a lamp, but I did old man it. I used the flashlight. I had the app downloaded like Stephen Jay. You write your thing, and then you can put the card in this little holder so it sticks up so that the waitresses know to come around and grab them and then they bring you your order and you can get like steak. You can get like entrees. You get alcohol and you can get milk.

And I got myself a fucking pint of milk. People were like getting so mad at me. I guess this is kind of like a parent type thing, but not so mad at me. You know what I mean. It's hard to gauge what people say on the internet, but people are like, yeah, dude, little children exist. Dude, I used to go to the movies all the time as a kid.

I never got a fucking glass of milk there. No, getting milk at the theater is so weird. If a kid is little enough to be housing milk, he shouldn't be at the theater with you now i will say i i planned on not even talking about it because it's funnier to think that i'm just mcpoiling it but it's because i got uh freshly baked big chocolate chip cookies so you can get a fucking i wasn't gonna nick texted me to mention i was gonna leave it alone yeah i mean it's it's disingenuous to say that i'm just housing milk at the movie theater

i do know that's fucking whack. Those cookies did look really good. But the cookie actually ended up being burnt. And so they brought the milk out without the cookies. And then I think they forgot about the cookies and they were burnt. So the milk was sitting there for like 15 minutes. So then I had like warm milk with burnt cookies. The experience is ruined.

But yeah, I did drink the whole pint of it. I had about 16 to 18 ounces of milk during that movie. Yeah. Who else would do that? Just me, the milk man. Top five people most likely to have burner accounts at Barstool Sports. You click bait and sons of bitches at KFC Radio. Let's go TV.

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Yeah, either way, whatever you're into. Dude, they have five of the 12 worst hitters in the American League. Whoa. That's crazy because their lineup was stacked. Crazy. They're so weird. They're either a championship contender or last place. Nuts. But yeah, you can get those tickets

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Jackie is out there, and she's not putting down anybody else. She's just talking about how she's a baddie. She's just out here. She does look like a baddie today. She's out here. I think that Jackie is famous. I think Jackie does look like a baddie. You know what I think?

I don't think Jackie likes beans at all. I don't think that Jackie's a bean girl at all. I think you're out here just promoting your brand. Do you not wear that hat? Do you not wear that hat? That's fire. That's sick. She put it on before, and what did she say?

You're like, oh, I do look kind of cute. Because she forgot to log out of her burner. It was her real life burner speaking. Yeah. That was, I actually, I've only checked the Reddit once. Good girl. Smart. And because somebody sent it to me, but, and somebody said, basically, I look like a baddie.

But that's the only time I've ever had any relation to the Burners. Leave that with Shabazz as the only person alive who has a healthy relationship with the Redheads. I mean, the fact so someone said you look like a baddie and then someone sent you that person saying that? Yeah, it wasn't actually

being a baddie. It was like Barstool Babes. Oh, shit. I don't think it was the way he said that. This is how it starts. All of a sudden, you're left off a Stu Finers list

and all of a sudden, you drop a couple spots in the Barstool Babes power ranking and next thing you know, you're out there being like, I think Jackie's pretty hot. I think she should be

at the top of the list. Have you seen her tits? They're great. Then all of a sudden, you're addicted to Burner Life. I like to point out, for the vlog, I interviewed Jackie, I pressed her this morning. I've got to get out of this.

Because I was like, anybody, they said it was 70% producers, and anybody that didn't show up this morning, suspect. So I pressed Jackie, and no one who I know is not guilty has ever acted more guilty their entire life. That's the hang. That's the 99% chance. What did you say? You get very awkward very quickly. I got really flustered and really awkward, and it looks super like I have't know. That's the Hank. That's the 99% chance. What did you say? You get very awkward very quickly. I got really flustered and really awkward, and it looks super like I have a burner.

Yeah, that's very possible. I promise. That's like in The Departed when they give the wrong address. Yes. I knew whoever shows up to the right address. Stoss them out. Smoke them out, man. Tell them I didn't say nothing.

Tell them I didn't say nothing. All right. I'm trying to think here. I got a lot. I got a lot of people out there that have burners, man. I am going to go number one. I'm going to go with a producer, so it's a higher likelihood. 70%.

Go with Jack McCarthy. Jack Mack. Jack Mack. Wait, not my dozen Jack Mack. No, Jack Mack, yeah. Very possible. He's been in the trenches with the Proud Boys for a long time. He's a guy who loves getting in the mud.

I feel like he wants to make mud. I feel like he probably argues with himself back and forth. He loves those Twitter spaces that he hosts. So he probably hops on his burner. We also, everyone, if they're on this list, you have an obligation to listen to the show. Because it's going to look a lot worse on the list than when I was talking about it. The list is going to be harsh. Jack Mack certainly just talking to himself.

No, Trump's the man. What'd you say, you limp fuck? Shut up, Proud Boy Idiot. certainly just talking to himself yeah no trump's the man shut up proud boy love it he actually might have a burner because he might just like do like doing that to himself like in like a bathroom mirror we has two mirrors it opens the door and you ever seen the fucking there's like there's a tiktok of like a chick doing um it was taylor swift and uh bonnie ver i forget the name of the song, but it's off Folklore. Exile.

It's like, it's her doing it. It's actually, I'm going to pull it up real quick. Cause I think it is very impressive. She pulls the, yo, it's like really cool.

She's like, talking to herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those trifold mirror things. You can do a lot of fucking, a lot of shit with that.

I will go. My second overall pick um i'm gonna go with frank fleming yeah frank the tank has been on the internet far too long to only have like one single login on these apps and these accounts like maybe twitter you know he's like, he's, like, new to Twitter. But I could see him being on the message boards back in the day. Frank, like, had to be on, like, Metsforum.gov.org back in the day, and he had, like, Bernard Gilkey Lover 24 versus, you know, like, Dave Magadin Fan, and he And he's like arguing with all these people.

He's just been in the game far too long to only have one login on these things. He forgets passwords, logs in. All of a sudden he's got multiple things working. There's no way Frank has only been just one man on the internet. I'm on to you, Fleming. Too much man for one man. The number two... Tommy Smokes.

The king of gossip. The king of drama. Tommy Smokes. Oh, fuck. I'm going three too. I forget. Someone texted me last night and we were talking about people we think, and their exact quote was, bet Jordan Woodruff has a spicy one. Ha ha ha! We think, and their exact quote was, bet Jordan Woodruff has a spicy one.

All right, you're snaking that? You get those two picks? Yeah, that's a good one. Woodruff versus Smokes. They're probably arguing in each other's burners. Don't even realize it. All right, my two picks. I think this one, I legitimately believe it.

I just don't think he, whether or not he uses his burners for good or evil, I don't know. But KB. KB. Because KB is actually logging into these Facebook groups and shit, stirring up drama, right? So I feel like he's got... I mean, that also has, like Deke Zucker quotes, it's a little sass that someone in your crew is on it. KB is a... KB might be an actual suspect, but I also think I know. I mean, I know that he's probably been in Facebook groups and all sorts of pages

and all those little Vine things that he was doing. He's just like one giant internet troll. Yeah, he's just like, I'm going to – KB made the decision at like 15. He's like, I'm going to be famous on the internet. I'll do whatever it fucking takes. I'll do what it takes to make this happen uh my second pick on that one so it's my fourth pick my fifth you had yeah yeah frank uh who's your first pick jackie frank kb and this one yeah um quigs quigs is dark dark web guy

deep dark web internet guy. Again, whether or not he uses it for good or evil, I feel like he uses it to scam Bitcoin. You can use your burners for the hustle, all good. It's when you're trashing other people that's the problem. I feel like Quigs right now, the same way that like, you know when in a movie you open up someone's safe or a duffel bag and they have like 15 passports and $25,000 cash and a gun ready to go like that's quigs hasn't on the internet he's like you know do you need

do you need a personality from america do you need one from the united kingdom you need i got a username from africa i got a white guy black guy got a young girl and you know you know who do you want to log in as i got i got a pedophile all right final pick No, I got two more. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. I got, we'll go 1-1. So that was your fourth pick, right? So we'll go 1-1.

I am going to go number four. I mean, I know you take the dog. No, yeah. Nate dog. Nate dog. I was going to take Dave for Dave for We know Dave's on that Reddit page

You spend so much time there I use Reddit I've had people before tweet me I thought you were the Reddit guy because I mention Reddit sometimes I use the front page of Reddit Anytime I'm trying to kill time I'm on Reddit a lot And I'm a lurker

But I know there's a turning point I a lot. And I'm a lurker. But I know that there's a turning point from when... Yes. And I don't think you become... I don't think you stop being a lurker on the front page. Because you're not that passionate. I'm literally just killing time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's once my shit has taken too long that I've caught up on Twitter.

Right. And I go over to Reddit. Right. That's my thing. And so I don't have the passion for the front page. I'm just wasting time. Right. So I can continue to lurk.

You're at the stage of actual I can quit whenever I want. Yes. Yes. I just do it on the weekends. I party, you know. But there comes a time where all of a sudden

you realize When you're impassioned by a topic and you're just going to that topic. That's subreddit. It's that subreddit. The subreddits are weird.

Reddit narrows everything down to like the most, you know, to that topic. It's that subreddit. The subreddit's are weird. Reddit narrows everything down to the most intense of that. It's like pure cocaine. It's like the internet. Oh, you like this topic? Oh, you like this person from that place? Oh, you like this thing about them? And then all of a sudden, you're at the core, the big bang of our school.

He was going mad over it. He was genuinely in therapy about this topic. Why don't you guys become a conglomerate? And yeah, I think there's only so much time you can spend deep in a subreddit before you're like, I got to try. Particularly one that discusses you and your business. Right, right, right. You know what? You can have Nate Dogg as your fifth one if you want because I got one.

Okay, I'll take Nate Dogg five um i i don't know like who exactly but someone from the minifans sphere minahan sphere i there is blind mike i don't think it's kirk i've gotten a text i got a text from someone who was hoping that someone this is a text from a person who no longer works here uh but they were hoping that someone from the Midnight Universe is in it. And I don't think I see that happening. This one, I don't. But I feel like within their circle, like they're

off on their own island fighting about some sort of shit. They have a separate Reddit? I would imagine, no. Yeah, I think they do. I'm sure they do. That makes more sense then. So it's Blind Mike or Steve Robinson or Dave Cullinane or whatever. One of those guys. You think they're in the bar still?

I can see that where they're trying to stir up drama so they can talk about it on their show. I don't know if it's going to be this thing that we're talking about, but yeah, they're in there mixing it up. Someone for the manhandle, they all have the million burners. Some of them have to be behind that. So one of them, I don't know who, maybe that's what Steve Robinson did.

He like, you know, he like fucked off to like Montana or whatever. He didn't work there. No, he, no, he, he like, he, he, he pulled the ripcord. I love it. He was like, this is like not healthy for me or whatever. And he was just like, I'm gone. He, he good. Well, I didn't get it.

Really? for me or whatever and he was like i'm gone he good will hunting did really he had like a a pretty short like goodbye where it wasn't like he was just like i'm out peace i think he's like called in here and there maybe like made one appearance but for the most part i think he's like stuck to it because they were like yeah he'll be back he'll be back i think it was like once uh like once trump like didn't get reelected or something so all right tweet at us who do you think is the most likely? Barstool burner. That is the most clickbait we've ever done. Let's go. It's true. None of it's a lie.

Voicemails. There are other people I'd expect. I was going to say, if the list was top ten, it would be a different story. There are other people I suspect, perhaps more than people I've listed. However, those are the ones I feel. However, I'm not a scumbag who talks about people in this way. I just wanted to have a little fun with it, rather than make everything so serious all the time.

Why so serious? Voicemails today are brought to you by Helix Sleep. Why would you buy a mattress for somebody else? Why would you buy a mattress made for somebody else? That would be crazy. I mean, think about it. Mattresses can't be one size fits all. Your clothing isn't one size fits all.

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The free fall is probably, like, I think. No, fuck no. I think the first time I ever did it, the free fall was very short. It actually sucked. No, the slowdown is minutes. Oh, the slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Minutes. And you're kind of like. It's almost like. You're parasailing at that point. I was going. No, the slowdown is minutes. Oh, the slowdown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Minutes. And you're kind of like... It's almost like... You're parasailing at that point. I was going to say, you're parasailing. You're like, that sucks.

I'm in an ocean. The views aren't changing. You can't even see anything. I don't see anything. Right, right. This is boring as shit. Parasailing, one of the worst sports,

not sports, but pastimes or whatever you call it. And especially, if you do it in the Caribbean where it's just a guy with like a fucking boat and a string yeah this is go to helix sleep.com h-e-l-i-x sleep.com slash kfc get 200 off your mattress plus two free pillows with that custom mattress at helix sleep.com slash kfc Voicemails, what do we got? Hey, KFC, Fights, Jackie, Nick, everybody behind the camera. I got a little situation and a question for you guys.

So my girlfriend just left town. She's gone for 30 days. She's rafting the Grand Canyon. She has no self-service, nothing. I will not hear from her at all for 30 days. Bro! And I am wondering, I know you guys aren't in a relationship, but you have been. If you were with someone and you had that freedom, absolute, complete freedom, zero contact by that person for 30 days. What are you doing?

Having sex with someone else. 30 days, dog. 30 days, dog? 30 days no contact? That is enough in the modern era, in the modern world. Your girl should be like, we're on a break. You can talk to somebody. Like you have a hall pass until I get back. 30 days of no contact?

In this day and age where it's like, text me when you leave, text me in five minutes. Where are you going? What are you eating? What are you doing? Did you go to the bathroom yet did you drink this blah blah blah 30 days

nothing you gotta get your dick wet bro you're basically just a dude in uh fucking uh office space

like get a million what would you do two chicks at the same time man absolutely bro the the it depends on what relationship you're in and what – how basically like crippling is your girlfriend.

But that level of freedom, that could kill a man. Yeah. That's like the Benz you go up to too fast on scuba diving. You go from lockdown in a relationship to freedom and it's like rumspring or whatever they say. You'll just drink yourself to death. Bro, I've had 24-hour fucking R&R breaks where I woke up in houses and was like, where am I?

Am I in America? Dude, I don't even know what the fuck happened. I remember when I was married, I would get the occasional day off, night off, weekend off. Even when times were good. You can be in a good relationship and still want a weekend to yourself where it's it's like i'm gonna eat disgusting i'm gonna put porn on the big screen i'm gonna fucking no i i would never do that no but you could if you want you know

what i mean that's i have done that but i've but i yeah it's crazy babe i like it right here yeah bro if i could fucking tape it to the tip of my nose i would I've, but I, yeah. That's crazy, baby. I like it right here. It's kind of on the big screen. Yeah, bro. If I could fucking tape it to the tip of my nose, I would. The, uh. You know, like, it's all about, like, what you don't have to do sometimes. I'm not going to go see, you know, my mother-in-law. I'm not going to go do that couple date. It's, I would, I mean, 30 days is too long.

Like, those, the 24 hour, the weekend away, that's like, I'm just sitting on the couch. Right. 30 days, you'd have to do some shit. Come up with some things. Well, you have to sex someone else. Dude,

I was, I told a story with, on the show. If I left someone for 30 days, I'd be like, I don't expect you to be faithful. I, I,

I wouldn't be allowed, I wouldn't expect to be allowed. I can't, I can't go over 30 days. Oh, I have a parable. Do you know what would happen if a boyfriend said,

I'm going away for 30 days? And you can't contact him. No contact? That girl, guess what? She's coming on the trip with you. She'd be like, guess what? It better be the fucking American military who's taking you, because otherwise, I'm coming.

And guess who will be tracking you one way or another through my burners on the internet and GPS accounts and shit? I mean, there are very few girlfriends who are going to be cool with a 30-day no money back guarantee. I mean, that's something that out of all the stereotypes, I believe to be the most true. There are girls who want to get rid of their boyfriends and be like, get out of my way. I just want to have a girls weekend or whatever. But for the most part, when a girlfriend goes away for a weekend or something, dudes are like,

let's go. Cause I'm going to do stupid things. Like I'm gonna play video games on my eyeballs. When a boyfriend leaves, it's like, wait, when are you coming back? Where are you going?

Who's going to be there? Generally. I know, I know I'm stereotyping, stereotyping, but I think that's more true than a lot of other gender stereotypes where I think girlfriends don't like when their boyfriends go away and boyfriends even if they like their girlfriend

is kind of like cool I'm going to masturbate to t-girls all weekend long I wouldn't I wouldn't fucking peanut gallery like that one with this hat on backwards like this saying that that would be like the douchiest like girl moment I've had ever get the woman out so i can watch fucking dudes fuck chicks but they got tits

you see it's more tits per person ratio speaking there's actually more it's straighter um but the uh the i i wouldn't even want a weekend away. I would want like a Tuesday night. Yeah, that's true. Where it's like – because there are times when you come home from work and you're just like, oh, no. I just wanted to do nothing. Right. And now I got to do this.

Yeah. But I told a story on the shop interview. And I was on vacation with my dad recently. And my mother went on a vacation on a separate vacation. Yes, she did. Your mother. It was a guy's trip and then the girl's trip and the girl's trip

left later than the guy's did and at one point we were at dinner and my dad was kind of just like staring blankly and he's like I kind of just realized this is the first time I'm going to be without your mother for seven days in like 40 years. Right years right right and I was like bro what yeah

and that's seven days not 30 fucking days 30 a month bro 30 is unheard of dude 12th of your year I thought seven I was like dude you haven't been without mom

for seven straight days right since the 80s yeah but like what are you talking about it's a weird thing you know what I mean I don't think so dude

you go on vacation with your boys not like like a seven day plus vacation is usually like a honeymoon yeah you don't go away with the boys for seven going on vacation with your boys. Not like seven day plus vacations. Usually like a honeymoon. Yeah. You don't go away with the boys for seven days.

You go away with the boys for like a weekend. Yeah. You know? Seven days is a lot, man. I fucking know. That's so iffy, dude. Oh, by the way, real quick, before we get to the next voicemail. Shout out to the Borg.

Oh, yeah, dude. The Blackout Rage Gala. I forgot about that. I like how I said my balls. Have you drank a Borg? No, I never have. You drank a Borg? You knew what a Borg was?

Blackout Rage Gala? You knew before this? No, no, no. Yeah, neither did I. Do those guys make this up, or that's a thing? No, it's a thing. Okay. Unless all their friends are replying to me.

Right, right, right. I got enough replies that people, what is it? This guy tweeted Saturdays are for John Feidelberg written on a gallon of, like a gallon John Feidelborg. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah. I didn't see that. I didn't read that part. I just thought it was your name.

And I was like, kind of like, whatever. And then someone said, like, it's a bad day to be a Borg. And I was like, what's a Borg? And you look it up. It's like Urban Dictionary. Black Outrage Gallon, which is just half a gallon of water, half a gallon of vodka, and it's flavored with that Mio stuff. What is Mio?

Mio is like a food coloring type thing you put in. So it's not even like a mixer. It's just like a... So you're drinking half a gallon of vodka, half a gallon of water with just like salt. It's like putting like a condiment in there. So you're not putting like another cut in there. It's just vodka, water,

and like a couple drops of strawberry liquid. That is... So you get fucked up. Bro, that is crazy. That is a blackout rage gallon. Yeah, that is... That's rye juice. Not since just like the general.

Riot Juice, Riot Punch, whatever. What is it? What do they call it? Jungle Juice. No, but. Riot Punch, there's another thing. It's from Sonny. When they go to the.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. When I go to the Phyllis Game World Series, I'm getting blackout grain alcohol. Well, maybe that's what. It is a gallon. They're holding a gallon and it's blue. Because I said blackout rage gallon is something that Charlie Murphy would say. Charlie Kelly would say. Yeah. Like Kevin Mack would be like, yeah, Dennis, we because i said blackout rage gallon is something that charlie murphy would say uh charlie kelly would say like yeah like even mac would be like yeah dennis we're drinking our blackout rage gallon we're talking about like but so they yeah they basically did do this already this it's you know it's like jungle juice whatever but the there is there's

certain things the reason why there's an appeal when you're younger to drink in a 40 is the same reason why a borg works Because walking around like a meathead with a gallon of booze is awesome. Like, yes, it's like jungle juice. If you just had scoops of jungle juice, it's the same thing. But it's not the same when you're chugging it out of a fucking blackout Rage Gallant.

It is. A Borg would kill me right now. A blackout Rage Gallant would put me in my grave. I'd probably end up in the hospital. And then people are like, didn't you do something like this? And this wasn't a thing we did regularly, but it's a thing I did on occasion where we would drink.

You drink half a Mad Dog 2020. You fill that up with vodka. And then we would drink that. And you'd have to finish while you were playing beer pong. So we were drinking like two beers and a Mad Dog 2020 with a half pint of vodka in 20 minutes. Max, yeah. At that point, you're good at beer pong, too, so it's quick. It was.

I said in my tweet describing it, and I say it now here if anyone ever wants to try it. Call the police before. First. You ever had Skippy? No. It was like 30 beers, a bottle of vodka, and lemonade mix. It was gross.

It's gross. My friend went right to the hospital doing that. Really? Woke up in St. Barnabas. We called him Barney for a year. Next up. What's up, John, Kevin, Nick, and the kids? To follow up on the conversation the other day about the ick,

I was watching porn last night, and I was super into the video. It was going great and then they finally panned to the guy's face and he had this like awful like soul patch goatee beard combination thing going on and i just could not get past it i had to change the video so my question to you guys is what gives you the porn ick like what's something you'll see in a video that immediately turns you off i'd love to know i can't wait to see you guys in chicago foreign foreign foreign languages yeah uh not foreign languages uh because not all foreign european european languages i'm uh i like i like i like a little spanish i like a little pop okay that's

fine uh like a little central america can pass yeah Papi. Okay, that's fine. Central American. Danica Morey can pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she's not. He's definitely not English. Oh, they're both not, but I think they're actually, I think they're like a Greek or something like that. Okay. Whenever they are, they pass.

Yeah, she doesn't talk enough. Right. It is. It's really German. I was going to say, it's German goo girls that freak me out, man. German, I don't really care. And like Russian is weird. Russian's weird. Russian. German, I don't really care. And like Russian is weird. Russian is weird.

Russian, German, and like Eastern European freaks me out. That's all Russian. Where I feel like you're doing this for your life. You know what I mean? It's like against your will. So that music kind of freaks me out sometimes too. Oh, the PMV? Yeah.

I don't like PMVs. I skip PMVs. But as far as like the ick. I don't like PMVs. I skip PMVs. But as far as like the ick. I don't like a highlight reel. I like, it's like porn to me. Compilations used to be a thing and now I'm not. No, no.

I used to rock compilations. When you first, when you were a kid, a kid, I don't know when you guys did it, but when you first understand the world of coming on a girl's face,

you're like, let me watch all of this. Let me watch everyone on the internet. And then you do it or you get around it, whatever. It's one of those things that once I feel like you've had your fill of that, it's like, I don't need to do that. It's going to be in your hair. It's going to be in your eyebrows.

It's going to be a whole thing. And it's cool, but it's not cool enough for all that. So it's almost like I just want to know that I could if I want to. And you're down. But you don't have to do it. You're down to read? Okay, fine. Yeah.

But yeah, so the compilations. That's a word I think I've only ever read. Hearing compilation out loud. I've said it. I've said it a lot of times. I've heard too. I've said it into my Verizon remote control. Compilation.

Compilations. As soon as I hear my mom's car pull out of the driveway. No, but I actually had the perfect analogy. Okay? This was a take I gave on the internet many, many moons ago. People, much like my Winterfell take, hated it. I think people have come around to it a bit. Maybe not fully, but I think people have come around to it a bit.

And I'm going to make the connection right now. When I was younger, NFL red zone. All day, maybe. I grew up a little bit. I like to watch a drive happen. I like to watch a drive unfold. See how it all works.

The intricacies of it all. I don't want to just, I don't just need home runs and touchdowns and highlights in my sports. I want to watch the intricacies. Bouncing around from different people. I want to stay invested in this team and that team and watch these two

fucking warriors battle it out. Absolutely. I don't watch compilations anymore. I watch full porns. Bro, I like the pregame show. I don't even like the action. I just need the coaches discussing beforehand. So coach, what do you expect today?

Well, I'm here to get fucked in the ass. I love when they say that. What are you here for today? To get fucked in the ass. Because that's what I'm like. It is weird, but also I'm like, ask her, dude, ask her. How many times has she had, how old was she when she lost her virginity? I don't like that one.

I don't like that one. I love, I love, when did you lose your virginity? How many partners have you had? Two you do anal. Where can guys come? Give me those four and I'm probably finished. I don't even need to watch it happen. At what age did you start watching post-game?

Yeah, post-game is... I've seen post-games before. I watch post-game. I watch post-game when they're... They're always coming out of the shower. Post-game when they're... They're always coming out of the shower. Post game when they're basically letting you know that everything was consensual afterwards. That aftercare is important, man. Otherwise, you feel like you just watched someone get raped. Also, the... We could go for days.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care for the toe sucking. Yeah, I mean... Don't care for the toe sucking. Although, I do like to say it when I watch sports. Like when I go, suck his toe! Because I think it's incredibly disrespectful. I think it's more...

We need to suck his toe. I mean, like, oh, like he's fucking, like... Like you just disrespected somebody. Like you made him suck your toe. Oh, made them suck your toe? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like... Make him suck your toe!

Because I think sucking a toe is more difficult than sucking a dick. I don't think I've ever heard you say this. I've tweeted it before. And no one gets it. I'm never going to explain it. Except while they're in the show right now. I was like, oh, he just made him suck his toe. That makes no sense.

I know, but I love it. I love it. I'm going to start using it more often now yeah no that's got to be your thing now oh oh the ultimate ick

the only thing that like is an automatic I turn off is when your asshole turns inside out I don't like that I don't

I don't turn it I don't love it but it doesn't make me it doesn't make me turn it off I'll fast forward I don't like that at all I guess that counts

as the ick right I don't change the video but I'm like that is the ick that's an ick for me fast forward. I don't like that at all. I guess that counts as the ick, right? I don't change the video. That is the ick. That's the ick for me. It's like, I don't like that. And the fact that that's like a term that some people look for that to each their own. I'll watch it open up. I don't want to see it inside out.

Keep your asshole in your pants. You only want to see your assholes with a speculum okay i'll look inside it doesn't come outside yes that's exactly it yeah keep your asshole inside out right side in that's what it is like stop last one yo what's up kfc radio crew uh first time long. Got a little question, needed some advice. So, quick back story. Started seeing, you know, a therapist kind of every once in a while. About like six months ago, shit was going well. Awesome, really awesome guy.

You know, younger, like mid-30s.. Uh, you know, younger, like mid thirties, um, really helped, you know, actually was feeling like, Hey, this therapy things kind of work in this nice. Um, anyways, uh, a couple of weeks ago, got a message saying like, Hey, your therapist can't make it today. Not an issue. I've canceled a few. He's canceled a few. Um, but that's kind of where the issue started. Um, uh, it turns out he died of a heart attack and, uh, unexpectedly just like, no, he's dead. Um, so what, uh, what do I do now? Do I get like his therapist? Uh, do, do I find another one? You know, he actually worked out pretty well. So, you know, what's the policy or go-to for when your therapist dies?

Anyways, let me know. Love to hear your thoughts on it. I don't know, dude. Get a new one. Get a therapist, probably. Same thing when your wife dies. You know what really would have been a home run if you said kid. Would have brought the fucking room to a screeching halt.

Yeah, I mean, you know. Yeah, you just make an option. Do I not want to live like this anymore or do I want to get another one? I don't know. I would find it I would be like, this is a not want to live like this anymore or do I want to get another one I don't know I would find it I would be like this is a sign I'm not doing this anymore

because it is kind of like losing a spouse where it's like I can't go through the whole process again I can't start dating again I'm too old for that you know what I mean

I gotta get back out there test out just another one find another one you know it's like being a widow where it's like you'll never live up to my original, my one

true love. I ever tell you that story? Every time I read that book where it was all done in lists. It's a really good book. It's an interesting book. And it's literally one of the saddest things I've ever read. Just this. So the whole

story is told through his to-do lists. So every morning he has a to-do list and like it works you somehow get it it's a very quick read i forget what it's called it's like 21 truths about love maybe something like that and the so i got his to-do list one day is like get the fucking casket or something like that no that she's dead yeah right right right but the the the list is his wife her husband died and that's when then she met him and they got married and like like number one on his to-do list like basically every day is accept the fact that you're your wife's second choice i was like oh my god dude or accept the fact that you're not your wife's true love yeah like look in the mirror get through that and then it's like pick up milk

you know oh my god is that it Nick did you look that up yeah 21 truths about love it is a I recommend it it's a really good book but it is it is hard it honestly takes like 50 pages

to get used to like how to read it like that, but you can read it. You can get it. You can read a whole story, and you can see a whole life happen just through the to-do list. It was pretty cool, pretty unique. No, it's not unique.

Every single review thinks they're clever by reviewing it in a list. Every single one here is like, number one, and that's how I know it's the right thing. All right. Let's the right thing. All right. Let's wrap it up. What an episode. That's one for the books.

We have an interview from a little while back that I did with a very funny comedian, Derek Gaines. I don't even know where I was with this one. Yeah. This was so long ago. I don't know where I was. This was a while ago. This was in the can um he he's uh he runs in like the pete davidson staten island philly type uh type comic crew with all those guys who were coming up together real funny dude uh it's brought to you by all birds uh all birds is the footwear company that creates shoes that are made

not not just better for you but better for the planet using recycled materials uh they're the perfect everyday sneaker uh it started out in like the Silicon Valley. It's kind of like that CEO sneaker and since has developed into a legitimate exercise and active sneaker that you can wear when you're out there running. The Tree Runner. It's the perfect everyday sneaker. Breathable knit that keeps your feet cool, super lightweight and comfortable as well as functional and sturdy.

Keep your ankle, your heels, everything all aligned while you're out there getting your run on. It's minimalistic, it's versatile, and it's built for effortless everyday style. Uh, it's perfect for travel. It's with the summer, summer and the spring coming up. It is perfect. I feel like, uh, there was other sneaker brands back like a few years ago that had like the knit, uh, moment. It is perfect. I feel like there was other sneaker brands back a few years ago that had the knit moment,

and I feel like Allbirds has perfected that now, and it is the perfect warm weather shoe, whether you're just lounging. It's a nice money shoe, too. Yeah, it does feel like, you know. Does that guy own a company? Does that guy own some stock? They're being like tech in the financial world. They've got money.

Yeah, it's like that guy knows Elon Musk, I bet. So get your Allbirds shoes at Allbirds.com. That's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S.com. Your favorite shoes for sunny days and any travel at Allbirds.com. Get them today. It's Derek Gaines on KFC Radio. Let's talk to him. All right, let's do it.

It's Derek Gaines on KFC Radio. Thanks for coming through, bro. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. So, man, talk to me about Pete Davidson, dude. Your boys coming through, bro. What's happening? Thanks for having me. So, man, talk to me about Pete Davidson, dude. Your boys with him, right? I am.

It's got to be a crazy time for him, right? Is this what this is about? No, I'm fucking with you, man. Jordan just came in here and told me that. I'm going to say, because I'm like, these motherfuckers

did this last time. No, bro, I had no idea. It was just funny because our booker, Jordan, just came in and said that you were like, the last time I was in here. And I was like, I didn't know you had ever been in here before. I've been in this actual studio, but it was Barstool.

Yeah. They did some interview and it wound up turning into a baiting session. Yeah, man, that's trash. Motherfuckers want to know. They're not longer with us, but I was like, because I figured, I mean, I just started following you and I got put onto you by Ricky. Oh, shit. Mr. Bliss.

That's my motherfucking man. Yeah, and that's why. So when he came through, he was talking about some of the other comics in New York that he thinks are next. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that's why I wanted to have you come through. And then when Jordan said, again, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Some big meathead ex-football players pull me into the room,

all this black love shit, brother, brother. And then they start asking about Pete. I'm like, man, respect that nigga privacy. Yeah, dude. I mean, the amount of people that everybody from Ricky to like every other comic who knows him, it's like, and you're like, you're going to speak for the dude. You know what I mean? Who is the guy who was like very private? We don't talk about it anymore,

but I just think it's crazy how people do that. He gearing up to go to space. Let them. Yo, that is some shit, man. I ain't got time. You should probably call that nigga.

Cause he doing a whole, his plate is bigger than my plate. I tell jokes and shit, but that motherfucker is about to go to space. And I saw that headline. I thought it was a joke. nigga because he's doing a whole his plate is bigger than my plate i tell jokes and shit but that motherfucker's about to go to space and i saw that headline i thought it was a joke i thought it was like an onion article or something that is some next level like you might you think you're famous you think you're in the headlines you think you have some opportunities do some cool shit i'm going to fucking yeah outer space dude if you got the opportunity would you go would i go to space only because my dad wanted

to go yeah so proud because pops pops he uh he got into the air force shit with aspirations of being an astronaut but you know in the 80s they got their black quota yeah that's not so he didn't make the cut happening so yeah so if i had to go aopop i'll go for you and then yeah but that would that would be the only reason because my dad wanted to be an astronaut. Astronauts, even to sniff the program, you got to be the cream of the crop

of human existence. The motherfucker what? I mean, he is. His stats is great. My dad's stats, that's why I think he was pissed off on wanting to be a comic because my dad went to the Air Force when he was 17, started fixing jets when he was 18, and then he went to the war. He went to Kuwait and all this shit.

He was a marksman, studied marksman, all this. All the time, he knew how to fly. And then, I think when he hit his 30s, he wound up flying Air Force One for Bush.

Get the fuck out. Bush and Clinton. He was a flight engineer. He was the third dude in the cockpit. So I'm like, when I was like, yeah, Pop,

I'm going to tell jokes. He's like, what? I'm going to crack dick jokes. He's the cockpit. So I'm like, when I was like, yeah, Pop, I'm going to tell jokes. He's like, what? I'm going to crack dick jokes. He's like, what? I'm a genius. I had to. You know what me and your mother had to do in order for you to enjoy?

You know. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. That, I mean, when I spoke to, once on the radio, the last dude to walk on the moon. And I was like, it's just that shit i love that kind of shit so that was my fucking mind but yeah the amount of smarts it takes and like to be an astronaut you got to be like a fucking navy seal mixed with a fucking like olympian mixed with a genius mixed with you know it is crazy you gotta do a lot so you would i feel like uh

going to space is something i feel like i would try to be cool about, but I think I would be shitting my fucking pants on the way up. I like flying. So when the sky turns black again, get the fuck out of here. Wait a minute. So wait, it was a night flight. Then it was light. And then it's blue again. Like, wait, hold.

And then things start floating in front of you. Yeah, that's too high. When I can prove with my own eyes that the world is round oh yeah i'm out i'm out that's it for me but i also feel like uh you know i i i assume you're kind of joking about uh you know when you decided to do comedy because i don't know i feel like comedy is one of the most uh difficult and fucking honorable thing that a person can do where it's like it's just you your balls your brain and and you go after it you know that's what my mom and pops wit translated because i didn't have a problem

getting on the mic i started comedy i was 19 yeah fresh out of high school well not fresh out of high school two years out of high school yeah and uh fresh out of fresh dropping out of jazz college okay oh so you were doing music. I was a musician and then I was like, man, I was funny in school and they was like, you should try this open mic

and it's out in Philadelphia. This is a tough city. Yeah. So they was like, they got this place called Laugh House where the short dude blew up, short dude Kevin Hart

and they was like, they said the short dude from Soul Plane, he blew up from over there. This back 03, 0203. Yeah. So I was like, I'll give it a shot. And then I got on the mic and it just kind of made sense.

So that's when the journey began when I was 19. I'm 38, 37 now. So yeah. I just turned 37 myself. Did you have any on March 6th? It was the first birthday that actually fucked with me a little bit. Not yet. Usually I haven't cared, but I felt like I was getting close to 40,

and 40 seems lame to me. Well, shit. During the early stages of the quarantine, usually I haven't cared but I felt like I was getting close to 40 and 40 seems lame to me well shit during the early stages of the quarantine me and my homies started working out outside like a bunch of prisoners so you know

we started doing yoga on concrete so our ideas started changing we started doing pushups and pullups and all that I was out there

with the bar stars and all the mean niggas you know so I was like yeah bring it all on. So 37 kind of feels like 27. All right, good for you, man. I'm feeling like 37 is 107. I live in Mount Vernon, and there's these two guys next to my apartment.

It's two guys, but they bring family, friends, everybody over. They leave the garage open. They got their own setup and they fucking chain uh like a uh tackling sled and just walk up and down the block so i just hear metal on on concrete and it's like i hear it and it's just like it's it's calling me to stop being a skinny fat piece of shit like get up off your ass and like just do normal walking they're doing walking with weight strapped to the hip. With weight strapped. The girls be out. It seemed like girls work out more.

They was working out during quarantine, running around. So it was always visually inspiring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing this for a reason. I'm always telling jokes. We were telling jokes on rooftops and all that shit. So me being 37 is, so just, you know, me being 37 is just not, in New York, it's so fast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in general, like, careers can start at fucking 30.

Yeah, so it's like, yeah. You might, you know, you get your break now. Shit, 2 Chainz didn't blow up until he was 40. Fucking Morgan Freeman is 145, you know. Do you feel, so you mentioned you were doing music before you did comedy. Yeah. Do you feel like there's a were doing music Before you did comedy Yeah You feel like there's A connection

Between those two things Absolutely man Comedy is jazz bro Comedy is jazz Especially for me Cause I just hear it You know It's the rhythm of language

It's the It's the It's the It's the timing And the setups And the punches And the wait for this To put this down

So it's all like It's all jazz risk Especially when you start Doing crowd work And freestyle Oh yeah When you freestyle And crowd work and freestyle and then coming up with your own shit, it's very jazz, right? You're doing this,

you're doing that. You're gauging the crowd. You're figuring out what joke to put where. You're trying to talk to this person from wherever versus what they in. Maybe you can call a joke back

from what you were saying. You know, it's jazz. You're just shedding on there. It's either a drum solo or it's a saxophone solo. I was a drummer. I was a minor in set.

This is going to be funny. But I majored in Afro-Cuban drums. So therefore, it was like congas and bongos and timbales and all that shit.

And nobody said I could do it. That's the reason I did it because my jazz teacher was like, it's very rare that a motherfucker

behind the drum set gets a scholarship for playing all the other stuff. I was like, all right, hold my fucking beer, Nick. And then I wound up getting a little scholarship. I got a Louis Armstrong scholarship to school and all that.

But it didn't mean anything because I was in there, couldn't play piano worth a lick. I was on my Devin Miles, Nick Cannon shit from Drumline. He can play. He can't read nothing. Then, of course, my piano scores was fucking on my GPA. And jazz school, piano's everything. Yeah, I was going to say, of course my piano scores was fucking on my GPA. And jazz school, piano's everything. Yeah,

I was going to say, unless you're playing one of those like top sexy instruments. You have to be good at piano. Like that's a, what is like the career, like,

okay, let's say you were good at piano. Does that mean you, you just playing in a, basically I was playing in bands when I was, what, when I was 18,

19, 17, 18. I was just playing all these bands and I guess you just, you just start gigging and 19, 17? 18. I was just playing all these bands, and I guess you just start gigging, and then you get on with something. It was just a weird, what am I going to do after college? Is the goal like Carnegie Hall type shit?

Well, now, Carnegie Hall is my goal as a comedian. Comedian, yeah. Yeah. So it's like, yeah. It was just something. My SAT scores were so low, but my music grades were so high. That's the only way I was going to get to school anyway. So you kind of take that, combine it with I was always been a funny guy.

Yeah, and I was funny in school, and then I figured out how to kind of, I figured out how to harness it on a microphone talking to someone. There's a lot of funny people in school. Yeah. There's not many funny guys. Not many people can take that and put it on stage for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, an hour. I got teased a lot.

Intercity school, I used to go to school in Philly. And that's a tough school. You got to be prepared at lunch to be able to either snap or fight. Right, right. And my mom wasn't really keen on fighting because, you know, you're getting fights. You get expelled. You get a bad school record. Yeah, most moms are not trying to see that.

And my mom was a single mom. She was always working. So she trusted me. Hold up your side of the deal, motherfucker. You got to stay in school so I can go work. So this can be, you know, you can't be cutting up while I'm at work an hour away. So she didn't really like me fighting. So I had to get witty.

I had to get witty. Very witty. One of my favorite things that I feel like is going on right now, you see T.I. on stage? Yeah. I feel like there's such a... A lot of commotion behind it. Yeah, is there? I mean, I just saw like the initial headline... A lot of commotion behind that. Yeah, is there? I mean, I just saw

the initial headline. A lot of commotion. In what regard? A lot of... T.I. makes a strong point. Comics make another strong point. But, you know, in order to stay away from beef,

unnecessary beef that you don't want between the rap game and the comedy game, just, you know, do what Seinfeld do. You know, Seinfeld said it best. The comedy ecosystem bounces itself out all the time.

So the crowd will be honest. If he bombs, he bombs. Yeah. He'll figure it out through his own journey. But is it for us to hate? Are comics mad that he's like moving tickets and using his right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not doing open mics in front of three people.

But that's kind of, I mean, that's show business, right? Yeah, but you go, yeah, but you can't really get mad because it's enough for all of us out here. It really is. If you really calm down, smoke weed, and figure out what you need to do to stay focused and not hate on nobody else's kind of grind, you'll get your own whatever. Whatever T.I. is going for, T.I. will get. My thing is also like, okay okay he didn't do the comedy grind but he was busy doing the music grind so it's not like that guy hasn't worked hard in his life absolutely different but now comics is just mad like yo and ti's hard and it was like i've

been around comedy since i was 17 and in my head i'm like yeah there's one thing to drive around a college i'm gonna say there's another thing to go to college right yeah i've been driving around to college. I was going to say. And there's another thing to go to college, right? You drive around the parking lot all day. Yeah. But go to school, nigga. So it's like, the fuck? No, I get that. But you do you, pimp. I'm over here doing me.

If we collide, I'll throw you on the show, and I hope you do well. Because if you don't, that's when my comedy takes over and goes, all right, let me balance this shit out. I mean, you might get an opportunity. You might get a few chances because you have an audience, whatever. But if you're not funny, it's not working. That'll be over real quick. The system goes, all right, get them out of here. Move on.

That's why I was saying at the beginning, I think it's one of the most difficult and honorable professions because there's probably some nepotism and shit where people get on, but you've got to have those laughs. Ain't nobody paying for something that's not funny. And then what cracks me up about comedy now is they'll, because they're not getting laughs, they say that comedy is ironic or meta or it's another angle of,

and then they tell you that you just getting laughs ain't comedy no more. Kiss my dick. Are you out of your, who brought a camera? Look, man, I got in in the game i don't know if y'all watch def jam because i know you know you got white fathers black fathers def jam when i used to watch def jam as a kid i used to go how is it that one dude can stand on this stage and have a bunch of people graduating in an audience throwing hats boots everybody's high-fiving and shit like wait wait people doing Boots in the air.

You go, that is what I'm trying to do. How do you do that? And, you know, since I went on, shit, when I was what? 14, 15? God bless. When I was 15, this is when Dave Chappelle put out Killing Them Softly. I'm 15 years old watching some little skinny black dude with Timbs on make people laugh every eight seconds. I was like, yeah, that right there is whatever I'm trying to do.

So, yeah, comedy's for the laugh. See, I even commend you for even, like, I saw that, and I was like, that's hilarious. That's amazing. It never even entered my mind to be like, I'm going to try to do that. Yeah, that's, like, good on you, and then to go actually, you know, achieve it, because it's like, I wouldn't even begin. Well, I was Alec E in that. Yeah, that's like good on you. And then to go actually, you know, achieve it because it's like I wouldn't even begin. Well, I was Alec in school. Yeah.

I was always trying to be the one to get the last little ha, I got you. In school, I used to get in trouble all the time because I used to tease the homeroom teachers just to get, you know, my homies to laugh and all that. And I used to work. And I would get them all. I would trigger them. So, you know, I used to trigger motherfuckers before triggering was a thing. So, you know, I used to trigger motherfuckers before triggering was a thing. So, yeah. It had to be.

Because in school, I was always, like, in recess, you sat at my table. It was about to be Def Jam. We going around. We snapping at each other. We eating food. Right. Just always create the vibe. But so, like, you know, that whole table and, you know, are other kids in the game right now Or is it just you

You know what I mean From school Nah I met all my homies At the comedy club Oh yeah Like School was the beginning

But you meet You gonna meet the guys You wanna talk That philosophical Comedy shit with At the comedy club You gotta find Something that's on the same

You gotta find Something that's on the same Grind As you On that same Silly frequency As you are You can all

Crack jokes At recess At lunch People get fly at school but you some people go i could do this in my neighborhood forever yeah and me i was like i need to do this somewhere else this this could be bigger and i always thought like that and you think that's just a personal ambition some people yeah yeah yeah because i feel like that uh you know to be even able to envision like i said i see that and I'm like, I like that. I'm entertained by that. Yeah. Not like I can do that, you know.

I mean, what we do here is we're not, you know, stand-up comics. We're just. We shoot the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy comes from shooting the shit. Getting on stage. A lot of times. We do a live podcast.

And, you know, I'm very lucky that we're at some of the same theaters and clubs that, like, the greats are. But we're just, me and my buddy, he's not here today, but the guy I usually do the show with, we're at some of the same theaters and clubs that the greats are. Me and my buddy, he's not here today, but the guy I usually do the show with, we're just talking. I'm always hesitant to even I am not a comic. I don't do stand-up comedy because I think there is such a difference in what you guys do. I think you're crazy.

I think you're all crazy. Oh, yeah. It's a bug. It's a level of junkiness to it there. To want to get up in front of strangers and try to do some yuck-yuck she wrote in your diary. Yeah. You know, but, you know. And it's the grind that is crazy to me.

Yeah. Because I think there's a lot of people who want it because, like you said, you see it and it looks, it's like being a rock star, right? Yeah, absolutely. But if it was me and I was going for it, after I bombed for like the 10,000th time in a row, I'd be like, I'm done here, man. I'm out. I used to bomb and have to go be a janitor. I used to have a day job to support this.

And I used to clean up cops. I used to work on the Garden State Parkway and New Jersey Turnpike as a janitor. So I used to clean up toll booths And little toll plazas and shit. So imagine you bombing and then got to go to work in the morning and clean up cop shit with a bomb on the top of your head. So the only way to make that better is you have to do good at night. Yeah. You got to kill somewhere if you got to go clean up shit. Dude, that might be the most, like, you deserve it story I've heard. I was a janitor.

I used to be a whole janitor. what that's one thing that's one thing being a janitor is fine on the turnpike in the garden state good lord here was the epiphany this is the one this is when i wanted to quit like i always wanted to quit but i was like all right the quits coming in the next couple months. True story. I'm cleaning the Garden State Parkway. Wait, what age are we? How old are we? I was, I had to be like, what, 24? Okay, so five, six, whatever years in the game. Because I had left, I already had left Philly.

Okay. Because I did five years in Philly, and then everybody was like, yo, you good. You probably go to New York. Okay. Get nice. So I was like, how am I going to support this New York dream and this New York rent? Well, shit, I'm going to have to work on this only job because, you know, like I said, I didn't get a degree. I dropped out.

Yeah. So I was like, all right. So this is all on me. So I got a union job paying me good money. It was $21.75 an hour, but it was still. That's not a turn your nose up out. Yeah. Right. But I'm cleaning the toll booths one day.

And I'll never forget it. I'm cleaning one and a white Ferrari was coming through. It almost hit me. And I jumped out the way. And I look in the and a white Ferrari was coming through. It almost hit me, and I jumped out the way, and I look in the car. It's Missy Elliott. Oh, shit. And I was like, my God.

And I saw, and I just went, oh, shit, Missy. She didn't hear me. She didn't see me. She just smoked off, and I was like, yeah, I want that. Yeah. I was like. We need to switch those spots. Yeah, this right here almost got hit by the queen of hip hop.

Yeah, man. This is, no, I'd rather see her and tell her. You should have leaned into that one. I should have. Maybe get some dollars real quick.

But in my head, that's funny. I should have did it, but in my head, I was like, what if I could just meet her at a party and be like, yo,

I was cleaning a booth one day. Yeah. And, but now, you know, I'm doing comedy and all that shit. So yeah, so I was like,

yeah, it's time for me to quit. Dude, that, oh, so you quit, so you didn't have like all that shit. So, yeah, I was like, yeah, it's time for me to quit. Dude, that? Oh, so you quit so you didn't have, like, the safety net anymore? Yeah, my mom was like, what you going to do? You already graduated to New York, though. Yeah, I'm in New York.

I'm trying to figure it out. I got a little apartment. And it's not a happy ending because I moved back to my mom's house four fucking times from New York, going back and forth. But I never stopped coming to New York. So when I lost the apartment, I still had my job as a janitor. So what I would do is I'd go all the way home, two hours, throw four days worth of clothes in the trunk, drive up to the job, work at the job, drive up to Jersey City, work out, right?

Take a shower at the gym. Take a shower at the gym, park the car next to the PATH station. Go to PATH, go on to New Change. Take a shower at the gym. Park the car next to the PATH station. Go to PATH. Go on to New York. Hang out with the homies. Get on stage till 4 a.m. It was pretty much every night. 4 or 5 a.m.

Come back. Get in the car. Drive to the turnpike. Sleep in the car. Clock in. Right? Let everybody know I was there. Go in the slop closet.

Sleep the whole day. Clock out. Do the whole thing over again. So I was only a janitor. I was preparing for the night. How long did that go on? That went on from, I want to say, 24 to 28. Damn, that's a long time.

That's a grind of a schedule, dude. And then I quit being a janitor at 28 and then started working. And I was going back home But I was staying in New York still didn't have a spot and it's the only thing I'll say when I turned 29 The only dude that offered me to come up and sleep on his couch was Pete fucking Davis really He was like, you know, you just sleep on my couch and then you could do your stuff out here And that's basically how friendship started right, but you know, you just sleep on my couch, and then you can do your stuff out here. And that's basically how that friendship started. Right.

But, you know, but that's basically how it all worked out. And then from that couch on, I stayed up. Everything's good. Man, that's crazy. Yeah, and I was like, well, ain't that a good thing? And then it all started working out slowly after that. When I turned 30, I got my first TV show on MTV called Broke-Ass Game Show. This whole thing.

And then I stopped buying my own apartment, got my own little spot in Brooklyn. But it did take smelling shit and sleeping in the car and doing all this because I just wanted that junkie shit. I was trying to get to the stage every night. I was looking at the skyline like it's got to be better than sweeping and mopping. So, yeah. Wild, man. mopping so yeah wild man do you do you think not having the um the janitor job was like a like do you think you made it because you quit the janitor job or or or yeah because like i

stepped out because i hear sometimes about people saying you can't have a safety net and you gotta understand the union a union job is golden handcuffs these motherfuckers like what do you mean you're gonna quit to do comedy you gotta pay you got benefits you got a pension when you turn 55 yeah you can get a hundred thousand dollars i'm like that's it yeah i also i'm like okay maybe you got a pension but you're 55 you're 65 yeah you're old as shit man i'm trying to enjoy the next 30 years of my life. Motherfuckers be like, pick up a trade. Don't you want to salt the highways when it snows with us? I'm like, no.

That doesn't sound great. What are you talking about? Are you nuts? I'm trying to get fly. I'm trying to put on perfumes, get on stage, and be the god. Listen, there's nothing wrong with those jobs. Absolutely not. You've built lives.

In my head, I just went, and it was one funny one. It was a guy named Ice. Ice used to press me. He was the one that teased me the most because I had a dream. He was like, oh, this thing.

Were you a pussy? What? No. He was like, oh, you do comedy? I do comedy too. Right? So,

ba-ba-ba, yeah, chasing your dreams, crazy. This is what fucked me about this whole thing. He used to go, yeah, man,

my wife wanted to be an actress. Okay. But, you know, she stayed back to have kids and live a life with me. I'm like, so I'm looking at him like, nigga, you held her back. Yeah. You held her the fuck back. That's what you did. Because she wanted something.

And now you see I'm chasing the same thing. So you're telling me her dream to me. Like, okay, I see what you did to her. But y'all not going to do this to me. Y'all going to hold me here thinking I'm going to just be a janitor. It's not going to happen. So I'm going to go do this and watch what happens. I'm going to make it.

I used to tell these guys this. They ain't going to get the fuck out of here. You ain't going to do that. And then, lo and behold, last OG season two, they sitting there going, ain't that that motherfucker? Wait a second. Just season two, I'm on all four seasons. But by season two, they was like, this son of a bitch really went out there and told us he was going to do it. The easiest thing in the world is to not have a dream or aspirations or try to shoot bigger because you can just stay doing your thing.

But also, I don't blame a lot of people who don't because you got to have talent. You know what I mean? I knew I had something. I just knew I had something. And there's a lot of people who try to make it, and it's like, no, you probably should just stay with that union job. Don't fuck up a good thing because you don't got the goods. But if you know you got something.

Better take up a trade or something. Yeah, exactly. Like a lot of people over there, it's called a dream for a fucking reason. You don't know how to knit a quilt or something. You better make dinners. Cook food on the side or something. Make yourself some extra money. It's funny, too, though.

It's like you need to be good. You got to have talent. You got to have hard work. But then also like a little bit of luck, like a dude like Pete being like, you can stay on my couch, which is not the great, like the, you know, know he didn't put you on but just simply not having to drive back home kind of did because I was like man oh man he lives so close to the a train I was always just I was in the city so I was like all right this just worked out how long did you that was part of the 24 to 28 or no no that was after 28 I stayed in his career for like a year or two and then I moved and I finally moved

to Brooklyn right I got up out and then uh yeah, I started, I just started beating the pavement, man. Beating the pavement, doing TV during the day, because I had a new job. I was doing TV. Right. So TV during the day, then stand-up at night. And I was like, oh, I think I like this. Yeah, it's a lot better than fucking, you're still working around the clock, but it's a lot different than turnpike.

Yeah. And then the ups and downs of TV. Yeah. Yeah. Hot show, lose a hot show, go to L.A., try to get another hot show, don't get the show, come back to New York, on my ass, get another show. It was like, oh, man, the money was different. It wasn't $21.75 an hour.

It was up sometimes, low sometimes. Here you go, Tim. This is a new channel. That's not, like, I feel like once you get some money, I'm going to buy this, I'm going to live like that. Absolutely. And I did going to live like that. Absolutely. And I did what every black kid that just goes, told y'all mother, I bought all the sneaks.

Yeah. Get a chain, see you got a car. You made it, right? Then I lost it all, and it had to start over again. But thank God, I didn't lose enough to where I had to move back to my mom's house. I actually was like, all right, just repow. So it's an ebb and flow. Well, I feel like the internet has probably made it a little bit easier to maintain some, right?

If you get on a show, you get some airtime. But then if that goes away, it's gone. But hopefully, even if your show disappears or whatever happens, you get those followers. You see them every day on the internet, whatever. I remember talking to Annie Letterman. She was telling me after she was on Chelsea Lately, there was a period of time where she was-

Annie from Philly. Shout out to Philly. Yeah. After that, though, which was like a hit show, and she was on it regularly. After getting that, there was a period of time where she slept in her car, lived in her car. It's like, you know, it's not like you make it

and you just make it. But I feel like now it's- Friends. You need friends. Shout out to Dave Temple. Shout out to my mom, Martin. Rest in peace. Chris Cotton.

Those are my guys. Yeah, Dave is who you do No Need for Apologies. Yeah. There it is. But, yeah, we used to run up and down that turnpike. Chris used to have a beat-up car. There was a lot of just back and forth doing these awful shows. But we did them.

We just did. We just kept beating the road. We was like, yeah, it'll happen. I feel like the Philly gang right now is pretty strong in the common world, right? Doing good. Doing pretty good. There's a lot of you guys. I have Philly guys and Philly girls.

Yeah. A lot of you motherfuckers who are out here. Saddam Monroe Martin, big act. Dave Temple, big act. Chanel Ali, big act. I'm okay. Who else from Philly? Ant Moore, Reggie Conquist.

Like, the gang is out there. We all at the cello. It's just, we be hanging out. Yeah, I mean, that's a city where you sharpen your skills. You cut your teeth for sure. In all ways. Not like on stage, but in the city. But the open mics was fucking, the open mics were real.

They were shows. Because all the college kids from Drexel and Temple would come down, $5, you know, free chicken tenders. So, of course. So, you're not doing it in front of like three people. So, you're not doing it in front of your little friends that want to do comedy. You and your friends that do comedy are like, yo, man, don't go bomb tonight because the crowd out there. Yeah.

And if you bomb, we're going to talk about your ass. So, you go, damn, I'm going to get hit from the comics and the crime. So I got to get funny a little faster. And that's what Philly was. So Philly just prepared me for what it is that is New York. And I've heard this a million times from everybody in the industry. You really do graduate in a way to New York.

Are there people who just stay in Philly, though? Yeah. There's a lot of people. A lot of funny people I know stay in Philly. Some people just don't want to matriculate because you got lot of funny people I know stay in Philly. There's still tickets and seats in Philly. They don't want to matriculate because you got to fall off your horse to graduate in New York. That's what I mean. If you are the funniest fucking guy in the world, you really would... I don't know if I was Philly and I love Philly.

Some people stay... Shout out to my sensei, Toure. Toure stayed in Philly. Now he owns Philly. He's the number one comic. Yeah. Maybe back in the day, I just feel like, again, with the internet and everything being digital, it's like you could be in fucking, well, I don't want to say like, you still got to be

in one of the major cities, but I feel like you can. Yeah, sometimes if you can fold cash in the city you spot, in the spot you find. Me, I've always just loved New York. Oh, okay. Even when I was a kid. I remember when my mom thought I was handsome when I was three. She would have me drive up here and try to do life, like, cereal commercials

and shit. And I never got them, but I was always in love with the buildings. I was like, oh my god, I like the height of it all. Everything's moving so fast. I don't know why, but there just is something different about New York. And a lot of outside people are, like, making fun of New Yorkers, almost being like, you guys think it's so different

and special. And I'm like, even with the Knicks, it being like, you guys think it's so different and special. And I'm like, even with the Knicks, it's like people talk about how MSG is the Mecca, but the Knicks suck. And it's like, yeah, you're right. But like, I don't know why, but there just is something different. There's a reason why when Jordan and Kobe and LeBron come to the Garden, they ratchet it up. There's a reason why comedy is here, why business is here, why everything is here. I don't know why, but it just is here. My business is here. Why everything is here. I don't know why, but it just is different. It's got to be some kind of city.

When I see tourists take pictures in front of a Bulls Balls and fight, like New York is just, you know why I like it so much? Because people who don't go there a lot always talk like it's the craziest. But, oh, you would drive out there? Every time I leave New York, I got to take a shower. I don't believe you'd go up there. So I'm like, oh God.

So when I go up there, I'm like, what are these motherfuckers afraid of? This is a nice, fun, fast place. I was, I was born in the Bronx,

moved to outside of Philly for a couple of years in elementary school when I was really young. Okay. And I remember probably like fourth grade and telling like, you know,

new classmates that I'm from the Bronx. Oh, shit. And immediately the questions were like, are you in a gang? Were there – did you like – did you do drive-bys? I mean, I'm like, no, man. I don't know. I'm sitting here with you right now in fucking Valley Forge, man. I remember comics used to tell me stories about the cellar before I got there.

Like my first one, two, three years of comedy, oh, you got to go to the cellar. It was like Narnia up there. Yeah, I was going to say, with that back table. All the people, all the greats. So you'd be like, so you hear the stories, and some people go, that's great. But I was like, I'm going to go see myself,

because these stories ain't helping me. I got to go check this out. And in my head, I went, I'm going to go up there. And I went. And I went, and it was, I'm glad I went. The first time I went to New York to see what the scene was, I was like, oh, yeah, I got to get ready for this. There's a bigger world out there. The first night I came here, I was like, oh, yeah, there's a huge world out here.

Yeah. This is where you're supposed to be able to talk your shit. I mean, you can start in your little secondary bent city, but you can make it to New York. And I know that's true, because L.A. motherfuckers is coming over here now trying to get that work that they can't get out in the desert. I was about to ask, is L.A.

Oh, you should see him. Oh, I got on stage four times a night. We could never do that in L.A. I don't believe there's so many rooms. Well, the really, I mean, yeah, if you're a fan of comedy, you can bounce around all week, all night. Bounce around all week. Yeah, I mean, and it's not like. I remember at one point, if you was a new dude at the cellar and Esty liked you, you could make $2,000 a weekend.

Really? As a new guy? Yeah. Oh, I always heard it was like Esty had to. No, Est SD fuck with you Yeah yeah yeah And she passed you And you got on

Then you just keep going She put you in this room That room That room That room This room That room Like she would have you

Run around do Like 10 shows And that's just Friday And they do it again Saturday But Sunday night You got two granny in your pocket Like oh man I've been

Straight cash You'd be like Oh hustle Go buy the sneakers And then you'd be like Damn this hustle's real out in New York. It's really, maybe full of cash in New York. Right.

When did you start the podcast? We started the podcast, me and my mom, Ro, started it, I want to say like two years ago. Okay. And then Ro, he got on some other, some Trevor Noah shit and had to move on. So Dave came in. Got it. And then me and Dave kind of just took it over and it became we started really trying to build up

our followers and all that. We just came back from D.C. doing shows. It's fun watching the comic world get onto the internet and podcast world where it's like, yeah, I mean you can sell out this room, but you could also do a video over here that pops off to like 500,000 people.

And you'd be like, and it almost makes you go, internet shit stinks man i've been telling jokes for years and this little goofy little rant that we've done oh man so yeah you know it's like so we you know i i started at barstool fucking 2009 so 15 years ago doing all i went the other direction we're trying to get on stage a little bit now but always doing the internet and like we we've been trying to harness this fucking power of this internet for all this time now and seeing people. Oh, that's what you're doing now, right? Yeah. I mean, no.

I did this. I've done this show from my mom's apartment. Okay. From my brother's basement. Okay. From my baby's nursery. Knees weak, arms is heavy. Spaghetti on a shirt.

Yeah. I mean, we did it everywhere. You're going to lose yourself. You only get one shot. I love when white people tell me they drive because I'll be like, that's the mom's spaghetti on the sweater.

Yeah, it's like, it's like my grind was like, I still always had a house and a basement and a nice place with equipment to fucking do this shit. It's a little bit different

of a grind, but yeah, watching the light bulb go off for people to be like, oh, I can sell tickets through this fucking thing over here, man. You get big on any of a grind. But yeah, watching the light bulb go off for people to be like, oh, I can sell tickets through this fucking thing over here, man. You get big on any of these platforms.

So you do comedy, you do stand-up comedy, but you also do live podcasts? Or no? Me and Dave, we do our podcasts every Monday. And we do live podcasts at Brooklyn Comedy Club sometime. If there's a theme,

like the last one we just did, we tried to do live, but we did it in studios called Thoughts Given. Thoughts Given, okay. And it was the celebration of hoes and sex workers and all that. And we had Red Lobster

Cheddar Biscuits. We was getting them out. We had some ladies come on and talk about what it is to do sex work. Sure. And that was like a live show. Sure.

Or we'll have like, or we'll just have eight live joints just to see what personalities will come up. And me and Dave talk and then they throw in a little, it's just have a live joint just to see what personalities will come up. And me and Dave talk, and then they throw in a little. It's just, you know, when you do comedy so long, any podcast is going to turn into a comedy podcast

if all we did was talk jokes for the last 18 years. Right, right. So, yeah. I mean, yeah, live podcasting is good. It was Ro's idea. It wasn't mine. Right. We should do a podcast.

I was like, what? I'm asleep. I was like, man, I'm smoking weed, playing video games. I don't feel like doing this shit. And then I guess I caught a bug. Yeah. Because I've always done radio, but this kind of. It's different.

I'm like, all right. Different vibe. This is kind of. You know, Dave, he has a big Howard Stern background. He used to listen to Howard Stern a lot when he was a kid. Oh, so he's coming from that radio. So he kind of liked this Stern angle of it all, having the ridiculous guests and the midgets.

Oh, not the midgets. Little people. Littlegets. Little people. Little people. Little people. I always think little people sounds more offensive than midgets to me. Right? We got a guy here, Zah, who's like, call me a midget. I'm a midget, man.

Like, little people is... He's also not so little. He's like 5'4", a buck 65. He's the tallest of the little people. He's definitely... And he's fucking thick, dude. But I'm like, man, you're not little, dude. You can fucking beat me up. So I'm not talking little.

Just a good center of gravity. Yes. You're not taking him out, man. He's dense. He's like a bowling ball. He's like a pillow. Like a little, like a strong stepladder. Yeah, you're not falling off that thing. Like a little, like a strong stepladder. That was fine.

Yeah, you're not falling off that thing. You're not falling off that stepladder. And you were in Kingstown Island? I was. Yeah, yeah. If y'all don't remember, if y'all watched, I was the guy with the green Hulk hands. Okay. We fought for the tips in the restaurant. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I did the little dance thing and all that shit. That was cool how, I mean, that whole cast was like. It was gang. It was gang. And put it on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did a little dance and all that shit. That was cool how, I mean, that whole cast was like friends. It was gang. Yeah, yeah. It was gang. That's gotta be a great time on the set.

I feel like we talked to Ricky, we talked to maybe Carly Aquilino. I feel like a couple people who were on the set of the show and it was like all the family.

Yeah, I mean, that's... It was a good time. We had a good time. I wonder if that... That feels different to me. Like, I feel like this generation of We had a good time with it. I wonder if that feels different to me. I feel like this generation of comics and entertainers and movies and shit really put friends on and bring them in if you can. Honestly, why not?

Because that's who you know. And you could tell in the movie. I don't know if it was scripted, unscripted, if the cameras roll or whatever, but the sessions where they're in the basement smoking, drinking, clowning, I was like, that looks like a bunch of friends who are just... Well, Judd having a stand-up background, he kind of let us fly. Like, it was all right.

Go ahead. Do it. See what the scene happens. See what happens in the scene. We'll make cuts. Like that fight scene I did, we did that 13 times. Really? I was sweating my ass off by the end of it.

I was going to say, that's. Because it was a lot of exertion. You're doing your own stunts at that point. Run it back. Yeah. Run it back. We'll figure out. Run it back.

And each one was pretty funny, but man, oh, man. Dude, what a fucking gig Ricky's got going, huh? Like new right-hand man. Judd Apatow is not bad. People progress. You ain't supposed to be normal your whole life, especially if you're doing something this abnormal. So, of course, I'm happy for everybody that got these crazy-ass jobs.

I'll be like, yeah, that's what happens. They deserve it. Funniest fucking people in the world right now. From sitting there writing in a book, you go from that to that. So I go, yeah, that's why I go stand up. It's great because you'd be like, get the fuck out. You got that from that? Open up doors.

I keep going back to the internet. But man, once you have a following that likes you because of comedy, they will buy your merch. They will buy your food. They will go to your whatever. I mean, once you get them to like you and they trust you, they'll fucking. One of my favorite rappers said, I never sold a million dollars worth of weed. I never sold a million dollars worth of crack.

But I sold a million dollars worth of T-shirts. Yo, T-shirts. I made millions off T-shirts. This place was built of t-shirts. Yo, t-shirts? I made millions off t-shirts. This place was built on t-shirts. Particularly early on, the shit that we used to sell was very stupid, dumb slogans, a lot of sports-related shit.

But man, it kept the lights on. And people used to always be like, oh yeah, that t-shirt company that also writes or whatever. I was like, yo. But listen, you can make, and now we sell oh, yeah, that t-shirt company that also writes or whatever. I was like, yo. Not COVID weed. But listen, you can make. And now we sell actual clothing and shit now.

But back in the day, silly ass t-shirts. And the only proof you need that it's a good business, go to a sporting event, wait for a timeout, watch them throw t-shirts in the crowd. Motherfuckers will be killing each other for a free t-shirt. Oh, yeah, especially if it's out of canon. It's out of that that cannon that's when you know it's good getting stepped on parents fighting all for a free fucking t-shirt that sucks it says you know it's got a promotion all over it so when fuck is like cannon t-shirts yeah like come out of cannon extra special yeah if it comes out the cannon we need to get you ever shot one of those cannons? I have not. I heard it's invigorated.

So I've been watching like, damn, another one. A t-shirt cannon. Holy shit. You feel like you got the power of God in your hands. Because I've always liked the sound. Yeah. Dude, it's got this little air pressure gauge. And you pump it up.

We were at the Wilbur, man. This is like seven years ago. And they told me, you only need to pump it up we we were at the wilbur man this is like seven years ago and they told me like you only need to pump it a couple times so i'm just shooting them and then i was like fuck it crank it a bunch of times this shit hit the back wall of the wilbur and i was like i didn't you know there's the lights i couldn't see where it went i was like oh god i'm gonna get sued that's gonna to take somebody's eyeball out. Rubber bands going up someone's nose or some shit. Those guns are fucking awesome, dude. And anytime you get a chance to fire one, make sure you do it, dude. T-shirts are, man, and the merch.

Merch. On the internet, man. We sold merch. I know it's a grind. We're in D.C. That's still back. It's a great act, man. Let me explain how we did it.

First show was more packed Friday. First show was more packed, but we didn't have our flag up. We didn't put the NNFA flag. So the second show, this was in D.C. this weekend. Oh, okay. Me, Dave, Dylan, the No Need for Apologies gang. We out in D.C. having a good old time. Friday night show, we didn't put our flag up the first show.

We didn't sell the T-shirt. Second show, light show. Light. Put the flag up. NNFA, me and Dave went on stage After I did my 45 And we did another 25 Of me and him

Yeah Bantering We sold all the t-shirts We sold most t-shirts that night And then the next night Same thing So he was like Yeah man

When you present them They have something funny behind it Oh they were like I want that It's also just It's a good Some colorful shit Easy peasy man

Yeah and we just got Tats this weekend So yeah Oh wow So you guys are official Official Yeah we gang There's no That's a good, some colorful shit. Easy peasy, man. Yeah, and we just got tats this weekend, so yeah. Oh, wow. So you guys are official official. Yeah, we gang. There's no going back on this one. Because, yeah, anytime people get-

It's on my wrist. When you get it tattooed on you, it never falls apart, man. We gang. We've been gang gang because the responses we get was like, yo, we get black comics, but y'all motherfuckers really here putting your'all foot in ass, making white people all weird. Black people was coming up to me in Austin was like, nigga, where the fuck y'all been? We ain't heard of like this. Well, when you do, what, in Brooklyn you do Black as Fuck?

We do Black Ass Comedy Show. Let's call it Black Ass Comedy Show, but Black AF is the one that Facebook lets us promote. Got it, got it, got it. They don't like Black-ass for some reason, so we do Black AF, Black Air Force One. That's its own connotation. And we put little sneakers on the A. I like it. But it's Black-ass comedy show.

Every Sunday, 10 o'clock, it's the Sunday show. And that's, like, the whole lineup is all Black comics? All Black comics. A pretty Black crowd now'clock, it's the Sunday show. And that's like the whole lineup is all black comics? All black comics. A pretty black crowd now, too. I was going to say. Raucous, nice, Def Jam-style crowd. That's what I love most about the black comedy scenes. And you mentioned it before.

A white guy goes up there and kills. And the crowd would be loud. And they might be clapping. A black guy or girl kills. And they're running up and down. Graduating. Graduating. clapping a black guy or girl kills and they're running up and down graduating graduating but what i will say for y'all defense big j came and big j augerson came christmas and flipped that room four times yeah i saw black commons in fact like oh that's what the fuck we doing here like motherfuckers start rewriting jokes shit oh yeah so no it's the room that i want you to do good in

because if you do bad in that room you do really. Because if you do bad in that room, you do really bad. But if you do good in that room, you do really well. And the black ass comic show is reminiscent of Def Jam. It's reminiscent of the old 90s style of comedy. BET comic view type shit? Not even that. Def Jam. Just think.

Don't even think BET. Nah. Go straight HBO 91. Okay. Like, oh oh in their coats I got the goons in the back with the coats

the girls up front and on the side and you close so when you kill him like it's like it's a lot of high five and we play Uno at the end of the show

man we got the Uno competition and fucking the Barbie popping listen white people just don't have that. We just don't have that. What's the comparable

thing that we do? Let me explain something, y'all. Y'all can have it. I just... I don't think we can. Just y'all appropriate a lot of shit. All of the shit.

Not a lot. All of the shit, dude. I'll be like, why don't y'all appropriate a block party? Just go and watch how black people party. Just get some Ziti, right?

Get a Ziti and a bouncy house, right? And y'all can be good. Y'all like Ziti, right? Y'all like bouncy houses, beef and beers, all that shit, right? And just get,

instead of playing goofy music, just play rap music. You'll be good. Is the bounce house, is that a... I just wish white people know how to rally a little better Because every time y'all rally

Somebody dies I don't know Usually when white people rally It's not a good idea bro But I'm like God damn If y'all could just Just

Get a DJ Yeah Get a DJ at y'all rallies I guarantee you'll have a better time And then all of a sudden It'll be fun again Right Make America fun again

Play Parcheesi You know Get Patagonia to sponsor you I don't know what the fuck Y'all need to do Yo. You know, get Patagonia to sponsor you. I don't know what the fuck y'all need to do. Yo, it's a crime that Patagonia hasn't sponsored Barstool yet. Come on, man. That's y'all North Face. That's y'all North Face.

Put the Patagonia vests on and it's like. Patagonia down. Patagonia presents white ass comedy show, but it's nice. I'd go. I would go if you had white sponsors. If I do white ass comedy show, you coming through? I'm coming sponsors. If I do white-ass comedy show, you coming through? I'm coming through. If I do white-ass comedy show, I'm getting canceled.

And I feel bad. Imagine that. If I said, come through for a night of white comedy, white comics only. That's going to go over real well. Bring your hoods. Bring your torches. It's going to be great. Yeah, man.

That's not going to work. If y'all leave the Tiki's at home, y'all might have a good time out here. Play cards. Play cards after y'all come to the show. We play Uno after the show. That must be a fucking scene. Yeah, because some of the girls come in talking shit. You know, I love talking shit to a pretty girl.

And then playing cards, and then you beating them at Uno. I feel like you have a night where you kill on stage, then afterwards you're dropping a draw four or whatever on somebody it's gonna be the greatest night of your life absolutely the greatest feeling in the world you think you are dropping draw four on me you know it's just all it's it's fun yeah man so you know black ass comedy show no need for apologies but yeah it's just graduation that's great man it sounds like you're absolutely killing it what what do you think uh is it is it what's the dream what's like the the last thing is it is it just comedy or is it my whole thing think, is it, what's the dream? What's the last thing? Is it just comedy or is it movies?

Is it books? Is it, you know? Well, my whole thing, and it's still light. I just want to own a one-bedroom apartment in New York, in Manhattan rather. Uh-huh. And build, because my girlfriend, she lives, she got a nice little 20th floor thing she want to get a penthouse

at one point but right now it's just like I always just want to pack out rooms I always want to have oh we sold out we got to add another room

I always think that's the hottest shit ever I've never been able to do that I've sold out shows but not to where we had to add two more shows so on my name alone adding two shows

in any city, I go, so I'll do the movies, I'll do the TV shows if it can come down to me just packing out those rooms. And I go, okay. And then I get to do stand-up.

Because I write jokes every single day. I write, I'd be in my phone just going, that could be it. The notes app, right? Yeah, I'm just always in there

jotting something silly shit down. More silly shit. And then when you finally go on the road and do hours and you're doing 45 and 50 minutes 60 minutes here

you just got so you just get a you just get a plethora of stuff just running through your head and I just kind of like just being on stage seeing if I can make

you laugh this way now so the end goal is just me selling out rooms and having a good time in theaters or low ceiling comedy clubs

and you know and the reason you out because you know me from that movie that you enjoy. You know me from that TV show you enjoy. And y'all get to drink, and I get to tell jokes, and I get to smoke in the green room with all my cohorts and all my philosophical comedy fly-ass niggas. It doesn't take much, man. It's a simple goal to achieve.

It's a simple idea, right? Simple idea. Where can people get tickets and all that? Go to my NNFA podcast page idea, right? Simple idea. How to happiness. Where can people get tickets and all that? Go to my, go to NNFA podcast page on Instagram, NNFA, just NNFA podcast

and then show up and then my personal page, The Great Boy, T-H-E-G-R-E-A-T-B-O-Y on Instagram. I got that when I, when Instagram first started

and I was a janitor. I'll never forget how I got this name. So I'm sweeping up, cleaning some urinal. I'm cleaning some urinal thinking about a show I did the night before. I killed that show. But now I'm looking in my mirror. I'm looking in this mirror with a janitor outfit on and gloves and a mop.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I don't want to get depressed. This shit stinks. You great, boy. Remember that shit? You great. It was self- This shit stinks. You great, boy. Remember that shit? You great. I used to have, it was self-affirmation. You great. Just don't let this get you down because I'm by myself.

And I'm like, I'm really here cleaning cop toilets. And I burnt Brooklyn down last night. Just mad. I was like, you great, son. You're a great boy. You're great. That IG will always remind you. And then one day, it was like, oh, this new app.

This new app on Instagram it's called Instagram you on it and I was like you need a name what's your name mine is such and such I was like the great boy

the great boy and then I got it and I was like alright and then from then on I love it brother good shit man y'all was great

thank you man appreciate it much more success and come through whenever man absolutely thank y'all for great. Thank you, man. Appreciate it. Much more success and come through whenever, man. Absolutely. Thank y'all for having me. Wonderful, wonderful. Barstool KFC.

What's that stand for? My initials. Oh, okay. That's better. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.