KFC Radio - Rosebud Baker Got a VanderPump Sketch Rejected from SNL + Ian Lara Interview

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 02:42 First draft babies 06:56 Hormones are making her go crazy 16:02 Writers rooms 24:40 Writers Strike 26:58 AI taking over writers' jobs 39:13 Seeing Tom Sandoval Live 44:21 Getting your skit picked for SNL 58:21 Andy 01:13:56 Ian Lara Interview 01:34:33 Video games brings out the worst in people 01:39:50 picking up comedy 01:42:04 Ian went to school with a Nazi 01:53:19 George Santos is a pathological liar 01:59:07 Dating the old fashion way was dangerous 02:02:36 Ian's next career moves +++++++++++++++++++++ Omaha Steaks: Order today at https://www.omahasteaks.com/ and get $30 off with Promo Code KFC. *Minimum order may be required. See site for details. Turo: Find your drive. Forget boring rental cars at https://bit.ly/3Lwerc1 Pirate Water: Go to drink piratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you or order on gopuff Dollar Shave Club: Go to https://dollarshaveclub.com/ and use promo code KFC to get $15 off the new Double Header Electric Trimmer. BetterHelp: Visit BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. PerryEllis: Shop Original Penguin’s Spring /Summer 23’ Collection at originalpenguin.com and enjoy an original good time.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I booked a tour because here's the thing, I didn't think this pregnancy was going to last. I'm just being honest. Okay, I thought this was going to be a bad three weeks at work. That's what I thought. So I booked a tour. Um, can I just get a heads up if my bra is falling out of my dress? The bra?

I mean, jeez. What is going on? A lot of moving parts. Are you carrying the baby in your tits? At this point, it feels like that. I'm only halfway done. I can't believe I'm halfway done. I have more of this to go.

And I hate it. I can't believe I'm halfway done. I have more of this to go. And I hate it. I hate it. I honestly don't know how to talk to pregnant women. I'm going to put my head down and be honest. I'm glad I'm here on the podcast. You don't look pregnant. Yeah. That's good to hear.

Also, I don't know if it's just the angle or if you're propping them up for Instagram as a bit but on the internet you look I mean you call yourself a barnyard animal I feel like one my tits are like two torpedoes some of the pictures are like porn star level they're insane I have Yamanika Saunders titties

on my body it's crazy you don't know Yam? she's one of the funniest comics you'll ever um but anyway yeah it's they're they're nuts and i i literally will i was at we just got back from mexico we were on our baby moon and which is like baby moon but really like the writer's strike happened and i was like we're going to mexico so like i bought these tickets to mexico and i and i bought like six different swimsuits in like four different sizes because i was like i don't know what the fuck i am anymore and so especially like you're carrying it like just in your tits so yeah the rest of your body's like i'm like when

is the belly gonna get bigger than the tit i just i'm just waiting for that moment when it i'm obviously pregnant and i haven't just had work done i was gonna say are people just being like well people literally i came back from winter break and my friends at snl were like god those residuals are hitting pretty well i was like i didn't do anything i got nothing done i swear to god baby and i just couldn't tell anybody for like 12 weeks because i'll be honest like you know i mean i've said this on on instagram or whatever but like andy and i had been through a miscarriage we'd been through all kinds of shit we'd gone through ivf and it wasn't i had basically done ivf because i was like like having a miscarriage kind of spooked me from the whole experience of like being pregnant.

And I was like, I'll just put this on the shelf for a little, I'll like do IVF. And then I can get pregnant whenever I want, you know, and the risk of miscarriage goes down so much because genetically these embryos are like the best we can do. Right. these embryos are like the best we can do, right? We spent $20,000 on IVF and just fucking got pregnant. Regularly? Oh my God. By accident. Literally, I think maybe we'd fucked once that month. I really think, I mean, it was not a good month for us.

And it was like, and it just happened. And I was like, this is crazy. These are like our last two fucking brain cells. Like this is not going to be our best work I'm not I'm kind of like scared to meet her you have this perfect like foundation over here and you built a house like in the swamp

every time she fucks up I'm going to be like just so you know we got our first drafts over there they're in a freezer first draft? plan b in a different sense you're a different sort of plan b this time girl did i use that right first draft picks is that the best ones yeah yeah yeah there we go sports didn't even google it the um while we're still in the body shaming aspect of this what what the fuck's up with your knees? My knees?

They were the shiniest knees I've ever seen. Oh, yeah, yesterday? That was crazy. You know what it was? I need a screenshot of the Instagram story. I've never seen legs like that. I really think that it was, yeah, you should pull that up. They are kind of nuts.

But, like, here's what happened. We were in the airport in Mexico, and this, like, 21-year-old Greek child turned to me and was like, you look so pretty. How old are you? And I told her my age, and she was like, no. And then I spent $300 on lotion that she sold me. So I fell for a scam.

Yeah, totally. I fell for a scam, and Andy wouldn't stop making fun of me for it. And I was like, no, it really works. And I started using it on my knees while I was talking to him it and I was like no it really works and I started using it on my knees while I was talking to him and I was like no it actually does work like I'm very shiny I don't know if that's the point but look how shiny my knees are and then he was like is one of your legs tanner than the other so I can't fucking win yeah but I think that's what it was I think it was the scam lotion they were when you figure out you got pregnant it's obviously you're excited because you had

gone through the struggles but knowing that you just dropped 20 grand for nothing right is there a part of you that's like no god damn it or is it just celebration no i mean i was i was part of me was a little bit like, what the fuck? But also, like, we had health insurance help us, you know what I mean? So it wasn't like, health insurance covers, WGA has like a fertility preservation, like they cover like 30,000, right? Whoa. So like, we were covered, we were fine.

But I was just like, that's so much money to go towards something and such a long process and such a pain in my fucking ass yeah and then just to get pregnant the way that i got pregnant it's i mean did you like stop kind of caring for that one time that month where you're just like yeah i did i mean i really sometimes i think that's how it like stress and all that shit can play a factor in it. I think it's when you're finally like, well, this probably isn't going to work anyway, so let's just fuck.

You can leave it in. Who knows? Yeah, I think that's what happened. I think that's what happened. Because my niece came to visit, and I, like, had our niece with us for, like, a day and a half. She's, like, two. Not even.

And so we were, like, walking her around the city, and I think I literally must have dropped her off at my sister's house and was like, we're getting pregnant. Like, I don't care. You know what I mean? It wasn't like it wasn't like it's definitely going to happen. But I was just like, I don't care if it happens. Great.

If it doesn't, whatever. We've got the embryos. So I think it was like, you know, maybe some of the some of the stress was lifted from the whole thing. But either way, I was like, once it happened, I was like, oh, fuck. Now I have to, like, go to work and, like, do this while I'm at work. Which I'm totally, it sucks. It sucks, dude. Not right now.

This is the least feminist thing I've ever said, but working in the first trimester should be fucking illegal. It's the worst thing I've ever had to do. It sucked ass. I was literally, I lost all my edge. I was walking, I'll never forget, I was walking through Studio 8, and I heard Travis Kelsey rehearsing his lines with a friend. Oh, God. Because he was trying to get his lines right, and it was so cute to me that he had like a friend helping him read that I started crying in the hallway.

I swear to God. Get the fuck out. I started crying because Travis Kelsey was practicing reading. Did he see? No, of course not. No, nobody saw. No one saw that. No one's ever seen me cry.

No one's going to see that. But that's what happens. And then another time I cried because I dropped my phone and I was embarrassed. It is true. You just become a hormone monster. It was crazy. I've never cried this much in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But are you able to recognize maybe in the middle of it or after the fact, you're like, okay, wait a minute. This is like the hormones talking. Oh, I know while it's happening. But you can't stop yourself. But I can't stop it. I can't stop it at all. It's like if you're tripping, if you're in the middle of tripping on acid, you can't not see what you're seeing. I mean, yeah, you go like, oh, I'm on drugs.

But that doesn't mean that your friend doesn't have a lizard head. You know what I mean? You're still fucking scared. doesn't mean that your friend doesn't have a lizard head yeah you know what i mean it's still yeah it's still happening yeah so that's kind of like what it feels like a little bit like you're just on drugs is what it feels like it's terrifying the whole process is fucking crazy yeah yeah i i if man has to do it there'd be no human race. I would never. Dude, it makes me fucking hate you guys so much. That we don't have to? That you don't have to do it. But also, I kind of, it's almost like better because I'm just like, I think about my dad.

When I was born, my dad came into the hospital room high as a fucking kite eating popcorn with his friend like laughing after like a day in the park and they had they got sent away right and i feel like that's the way it should be i just vibe like is that not anymore not anymore but like back in the day you know before he was like just sold out for like corporate law or whatever he like you know he was like a hippie so he comes in and he's like he smells like weed and my mom's like in labor and she's like just get the fuck out you know so like and now i'm like oh i get it it's like it is our shit like we can do it we know how to do it yeah the the thing about being pregnant now is that on the one hand men are so involved that it's nice because you're

legitimately co-parenting but on the other hand you're like I got this you know what I mean like Andy spent half of our baby moon following me around with sunscreen you know what I mean and I was like God!

you know what I mean it's like it's it's a very hard middle ground to find because if you're if you're not like if he didn't do that once you'd be like you let me get fucking sunburned and then one squirt too many get away from me it's like you gotta thread the needle when you're the dad it's hard i feel for him because he really has been i mean i god i any pregnant woman is tough but me pregnant is it it's like i i really do feel for him i really am like you poor fucking thing what are you gonna do what are you gonna do punching bag i'm like this is i'm so sorry like like like ordinarily i i've said many times before women go through all the pain all the

struggle all that and so obviously it is the you know like your i don't want to call it sympathy but just like your empathy and all that should go towards women yeah but don't get it twisted it's very hard for a guy he's not doing it but he feels like he has to help but he's got to deal with the hormone everything we just mentioned and but i'm always like but that that being said guys have it easy and it's girls have to worry about in this one situation it's like i don't know that's a coin flip. On the one hand, pregnancy, yes. On the other hand, it's dealing with a pregnant rosebud baby. Yeah. I know.

Literally, the day it happened, I was like, oh, fuck. I feel like you're like when Spider-Man realizes he has powers. You're like, this isn't going to go well. It's exactly like that. I just see you being like in The Walking walking dead the zombies who aren't just like the ones that are like dude it's so fucked up when i get mad about something it's like i there's no i i'm gonna say some shit that i fully regret and i can't take back. What's the worst thing you said to Andy while pregnant?

I don't think it's even to Andy. It's like, I think about, there was one time oh, I was like fighting with somebody I forget what it was, it was like, we were at rewrites and I was fighting with somebody, I was doing some I don't know what the take was

but I was defending it with my life, right? Was that SNL? Yeah, it was the wrong take. But then somebody was like, well, you know, there's some, the defense was basically like, that wasn't necessarily funny because I had a friend that killed themselves. And I just went, well, that's just fucking selfish. I go, you don't bring that up. went, well, that's just fucking selfish.

I go, you don't bring that up. I go, you don't bring that up to shut down a joke. I was like, sorry about your friend, but like, come on. You can't do that. You're 100% right. That's not wrong.

You have one story, but I'm completely with you. Let's go around the room. Everybody else agrees? Yeah. One person with a sob story? You're going to shut this down? Every single person in the room was just like, you're crazy.

You're absolutely fucking crazy. They're in the wrong writer's room. That's crazy. Yeah, I'd be like, Brode was 100% right. Keep that shit to yourself, dude. They were all like, no, no. Your friend committed suicide. Welcome to a New York City writers room all our friends are going to suicide

and now we're fucking eating listen I'm going nuts I still at this point if you guys support me anymore I'm going to go back and say that I was right again I've already sort of swallowed it and been like you're right I apologize just for the sake of my job when people have a line and I've already sort of swallowed it and been like, you're right, I apologize.

Just for the sake of my job. When people have a line, it gets so annoying because it's always people who don't have a line who then have this one line. Until it happens to them. It's like, whoa, hang on, hang on. My grandmother died of cancer. So did our grandmother die of cancer.

I don't even think they were talking about their friend. I think it was like a friend of theirs friend. I don't even remember. It was just so out there that I was like, and then I just, I like paused and was like, well, that's fucking selfish.

And everyone just went, Jesus Christ. I might've approached it slightly different, but I'm on your side. It's actually funny you said that because I was with a buddy this weekend who, um, we were at your show, uh show before I ever met you. We were at your show at Zany's in Chicago.

Oh, yeah. And it was a show you ended up posting because the woman got like – Oh, that crazy drunk girl. Yeah. That was like our introduction to you. She was like talking full gibberish. Yeah. But I had forgotten about that night or whatever and he was like – he like oh like you're interviewing rose rosebud this week like remember when she was telling the joke about how her sister died and we were the only table hysterically laughing and i was like yeah we get rosebud's humor we

yeah we're on the same page here i know it's fully it's nice now that people are actually showing up to my shows that know me because it feels like they're getting it it doesn't it's like hot tub we know yeah but i kind of miss that moment where like i would tell a joke and half the crowd doesn't know me and they just go no no absolutely not no you just see random heads in the crowd just be like no i think it was like i saw like on the youtube like it might have been like a recording of your it was you doing that joke at um at the cellar but it was like it was almost like a recording of the recording kind of deal right i don't know if it was you or someone else's and uh and you were just like this happened to me not you guys yeah you can laugh relax oh yeah yeah

yeah if i'm not crying about it why are you oh right yeah that also pisses me off when people get upset for you they think they're being good people but they're just ruining my joke is what they're just making it about them yeah right yeah it's their conscience or their whatever but i also now i think i've gotten to a point now where i go like okay you know there's certain shit that people just can't really hear and that's fine it doesn't matter it's like I used to get mad about it and now I just go like it's not for them yeah yeah right you know what I mean it doesn't it really doesn't bother me anymore I think it used to be more precious to me like if I told because I worked on this joke and it was like this was the perfect telling of it and but and i was just so precious about all this dumb shit that i do and now i'm just kind of like it doesn't fucking matter what

do you think made that change um i think uh i think probably working at snl helped because you're just constantly being asked to come up with ideas and you're like, I don't have any ideas left. And then you sit there for a second and you go, oh, wait, I do. I have a pitch for that. I have a pitch for this. If I just dig a little deeper, I have something for everything. So my ideas aren't that precious. There's plenty of them.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can always kind of come up with something. I just need to focus on it a little longer. Yeah. And I would imagine, too, also people being like, that's not, I don't really like that. Or my friend killed themselves.

You hear it a lot more often. You're like, all right, fine, we'll scrap that one. Yeah, you go, okay, fair. Yeah. All right, another suicide. Here we go. You're not unique. It's like the third leading cause of death.

Fucking grow up. It's like, okay. But there's so much of that. We need something a little more. Come on. Sizzly, you know? And sometimes it's not even like you're – it's like there's politics in a writer's room. So there's certain things that like somebody could pitch and it will get a laugh and then another person will pitch kind of the same lateral idea and everybody just goes like...

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But it doesn't... They're pitching kind of the same thing and just in different ways. And you just go, why did that? What the fuck? There's some... One's a man, one's a woman kind of deal.

I think there's a sketch. I forget what it's from. But there's some sketch where a bunch of writers are sitting in a room and they're pitching letters for the alphabet. And this one guy who's a big shot is like, what about K? And everybody just goes, oh my god, that's fucking brilliant. And then this random new writer is like, I don't know, like D? And everybody just goes, fuck, no. Okay. And it's just like hearing that sketch just made me die.

I was like, that's so much what it's like. I don't know. Writers rooms in general, I guess you're doing a little bit now. They started a sketch show. But I mean, you are sharing. Wait wait you did? I didn't know about this it's great I would prefer not to talk about it with somebody who works for SNL

I genuinely think it's very very funny I think someone of your caliber would watch it and think at least a couple of them are very funny I want to see it. Can I see it? You can see it when I'm not around.

I was going to say, let's watch it right now with John. I've never seen it. Really? He refuses. And it's like, it's getting... I get that. But it's getting rave reviews. And he won't even engage in feedback or look at a comment or anything.

Dude, I didn't know about this. I feel so stupid. What the fuck? Well, yeah, you're a dumb bitch. Wait, where is it? Wait, are you pregnant? I didn't know about that either. Yeah, because we're both making miracles.

We thought it was impossible for both of you, but here we are. Here we are. It's crazy. John has several ones that didn't work either wait where is it though it's on youtube it's on youtube okay it's uh what three episodes in four episodes three episodes oh that's awesome we'll be on tuesday and uh right uh no we have a little time until episode four but oh right we just do one a month right okay like it's a couple of people who are here and it's everyone's like secondary third job kind of deal some great that's fun great yeah

it's fun it's very fun they did they had one like the very first one was a gay couple him and you know you know little sassy's a yeah yeah so he's the other guy main guy in it and they adopt a baby and they thought they were getting a black girl uh a white boy i forget and they're trying to be i don't want to talk about it they get disappointed yeah they're trying not to be but they're like like no it'll be fine you guys have taken a hair class already there's that there's there's uh well i don't want to put you just dying yeah i know you really are like folding in on yourself literally but uh it's him little sass he's the producer uh that's awesome writers and it's like when we used to

blog it's not certainly not the same as making a skit but it's like you just you did it solely yourself you found the topics you found the pictures and the videos you were going to use you wrote the jokes you wrote the story yeah and you publish the story and no one even fucking edited no one looks at it i i never got any sort of feedback other than like like assholes yeah in the public but that grew like like if if i think something's funny now or i'm like what about this and someone's like uh i don't know i'm like fuck you fuck yeah that's like fucking yeah right yeah you get so upset a whole room of people like this is my joke or my premise or my episode pilot skit whatever and then they're like well let's how about if that was like a girl instead or something major i'm like yeah no no like fuck you right that's a like skill in

and of itself is to be able to yeah because i'm sure that's – if you listen to people and take the best of all ideas, that's when you have the real magic. Yeah. I mean it's hard. It's hard to like say an idea out loud and hear like five to six people just give you nothing. They just avoid eye contact. It's like so much worse than bombing on stage to me because I'm'm just like well you guys i can see you i'm right here i'm at the table do you know what i mean i'm like come on you know and then you could try to say something to save it but most of the time that doesn't even work yeah because you

i was just joking it was not a real idea like i'll say something every once in a while i'll say something and it'll just it eats shit and. And then I go like, all right, sorry. And that gets nothing too. And I'm like, what the fuck? Come on, you guys. Come on. Give me something. Give me a chuckle about how much I bombed.

Give me something. I'm really hanging on here. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah. So it was like, it was hard to hard to go into that every day and also be pregnant and not tell them that I was. Right. Because I was so emotional every time something didn't go. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

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I've sent these things to my uncles. I've sent it to my dad. I've sent it to family friends. 100% of the time, shout out my Uncle Scott in particular. It is beloved. They won't stop talking about it. Five years ago sent this still talks about it every christmas well make father's day christmas this year it's always the biggest holiday christmas christmas christmas what about dad dad dad go to omahasteaks.com right now use code kfc get 30 bucks off your order also on top of all that great stuff it comes with a hundred percent money back guarantee

minimum purchase may apply make sure you check that out do you also um were you also getting emotional about the fact that all the writing you were doing you were getting no money for it god no no damn you guys need to strike here's the thing i get what you're saying but snl is striking mainly in solidarity because we do get residuals. But the people that work for the streamers, like late night writers have it good. Like we're basically still on this ancient kind of thing where we're still getting paid a livable wage. But anyone who works for HBO Max or Netflix. So yeah you're just like tell me when that works out i'll be on my pile of money over here i mean we're we still gotta pick it and all that bullshit but

it's like you've done picketing i imagine yeah yeah i've done that i mean you can't like get out of that i'm pregnant i can't pick it you can't i i literally oh you're like it's like scheduled yeah you really like make sure you do it. You have to sign up. What happens is like, will they like watch you? Like we need evidence or something? I don't really know. You know, it's one of those things.

I don't want to like find out. It's like when you get banned from a stadium. It's like, you're not going to, I can come back to the stadium. Right, right. Like how are you going to enforce this? You think that, but then you go like, I don't know. What if I'm like the person? The one person.

It feels like I would be like the person that got caught. Do they have the rat out there? Yes. I thought that was like, I thought that was a rat for like people that work with their hands. Yeah, it was. Dude, it was in front of this building for like a full year. It's just unions. It was not a union.

You like borrow the rat, I think, right? I guess so. I think it's like a rat that it's like the steamfitters use it and the fucking teamsters use it and now the writers use it. Yeah, the rat was there. I was like, that's our rat too? I had no idea. It does feel different like a union is a union. If you're like in an art.

But when it's like – You like do art. It just feels like – Right. Give this to the guys in overall. Right. I need a livable wage because i'm like inside of a like natural gas pipe that might explode yeah these guys are like writing funny

jokes and want money for it i'm like we should just get like a big minion yeah one of the minions yeah that should be our union giant brendan sagalow well that would take writing. I'm just kidding. Love you, Brendan. Do you, with the whole strike thing, we've talked about it probably more than we should

on the show. What do you think about the AI? Do you think there's going to be anything with that? I think it's a serious fucking problem. Yeah? Yeah. I think that if they're trying to fold in language now that, like,

uses AI to use an actor's likeness without their permission, they want to create an economy where they... And this is what's crazy about it, is, like, they don't understand that this could, like, take over their jobs, too. Right, yeah. But they're, like... They just they this is what we we

came to the table we were like we want to discuss ai and and what the developments with it are and how and how we can primary though right it was it was on our list of demands so it was like part of the negotiations right so we have like this list of demands and that was pretty high up on the on the i don't know whatever i can't think of the word so we we go in we're like we want to talk about getting compensated we want to talk about preventing ai from taking over all of that and they were like their counteroffer was yeah we'll meet once a year to discuss advancements in technology and we were like once a year so you just want to sit meet once a year to discuss advancements in technology. And we were like, what?

So you just want to sit down once a year and be like, wow, so technology is really taking off. Also, like, a year from now, AI will be, like, a hundred times what it was when it first came out. No shit. I'm like, yeah, the head of Google quit before the house burned down. So, like, we're fucked. Didn't he, like, leave a manifesto quit before the house burned down so like we're fucked didn't he like leave a manifesto too i just said like whoops i mean that's what it seems like he had like i i just read a headline obviously but it was like leaves and expresses sincere regret

for what he worked on for his life's work right yeah yeah yeah because they yeah it's an atomic bomb shit so we shouldn't have made this right except this was every step of the way of building the atomic bomb they were going we shouldn't make this we shouldn't make this yeah everyone the whole time was we probably shouldn't do this right exactly do you think uh we were debating whether or not if like a show or a song or I guess your expertise would be more the TV show and movies if you

let's say it turned out a really good script because right now I think you can come up with some stuff but like it can't be a whole movie let's say they do

if people find out that it's written by a computer do you think the audience cares enough to not go see it or pay or whatever no I don't think they give a shit yeah no i don't even think they'll know with music i don't know with music i'm always thinking

the the tv movies is a different difficult one because it is like that we what i've said is like i still need uh i need the human element i need like if you tell me a song was written by a song was written by a robot i'm like oh i don't really song was written by a song was written by a robot i'm like well i don't really care but if i'm in a show or a movie it does still have the human actor so like there is still a human element to it so i don't know how i'd respond to that i guess it's like right now except for a few shows and a few writers showrunners you know you don't know who writes them anyway you know so they could just put like joe smith and suzy q on the credits and it's written by a computer and you don't know or

care right but but i wonder if knowing that after the fact if you were just like oh i found out that season two was gonna be like our generation but i think the next generation yeah they've already accepted gonna give a shit because they weren't raised like the way that this generation was with like human creation. I mean, yeah, I'm even thinking about my own kids. Like, I don't even think they'll grasp the concept of why like the human element is a thing. Or why that's important. Right. They're just like, I like the thing. Yeah.'s important right there's like i like the thing

yeah i mean like what there's like a song that drake didn't they didn't ai make a drake song or something it was like good he put out a real song and an ai song came out around like the same time and like the like 100 consensus is the fake one was good and the real one was bad to so much so that people were like they drake should have said the bad one was also ai and just got that off of his like you know i didn't know he had a real one i haven't heard either search and rescue i mean it's it's really that's the kind of shit that makes you go like oh okay so like we don't really even care but don't you think that there's like a uh i think it's always better to like lean into stuff and try to benefit from it rather than fight it because you ain't going to stop it. AI is like – unless you have – like if you could just agree in paper to say we're not going to use this.

But like I don't know. That contract expires or – like people are going to use it. So – I think you're right. I think people are going to use it. I think it's going to – but I do think that if there's some kind of like um regulation of it then i think we're better off because i do think i mean the economy is like already in the shitter if all of these jobs disappear it's like rome is falling yeah you know what i mean like and we're just handing it all

over to like you know and i'm sure there's people that are going to be like, but this is progress. And it's like, yeah, yes, okay. Kinda. Yeah. Like, not really.

I don't know. I mean, it is. I would, it's technological progress, it's not civilization progress. It doesn't feel like the, I guess,

like the benefit, theoretically, if AI could, like TV is not getting better because of AI. Not yet. it's just like yeah but but but even so okay like what would be the benefit ai can write it faster and do more that's not necessarily what we were talking about was like you don't want a thousand uh seasons you don't want 10 seasons and because eventually like shows run its course whether or not it takes a human two years to write that or ai to two minutes to write that you only want about five six seasons

and 10 episodes a season i mean the show runs its course when people stop watching really yeah but but like because how many i'm just saying what what does ai do that makes the television better is it gonna be funnier than people? I think it makes – Or is it just that it's less labor, less cost, can do faster? That's really what it's about. And so it's not about better for the audience. Right. That's what I mean.

It's about better for the network. For the network. Yeah. And so – Cheaper – What they could do is have an AI – have AI really write a full script and then bring in two to three writers to punch it up or change it

and pay them absolute garbage. And then turn it basically into a gig economy. When E-ZPass gets rid of all toll booth people, I'm like, that sucks. But the world and the consumer very much benefit from being able to just fucking go. And there's no more traffic anymore. If the audience and the general public doesn't like get a better product the the execs will use it just for

the money and all that but it just doesn't feel like people will be like okay this is awesome because entertainment got better it's like people don't necessarily need a better product to find something easier to do. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can watch a show. I mean, I'm obsessed with Vanderpump. That is an easy show for me to watch. It's not a good show. No, it's trash, yeah.

It's not, like, Real Housewives of New York is an excellent show for me to watch because it's easy for me to consume. Captivating, yeah, yeah. But it's not a good show. And so that's kind of the danger I think of AI is like, yeah, it'll make more shows. It'll make shows that are very easy to consume. This is what I mean. It's not. And you won't necessarily be thinking about like, is this like a quality thing to feed my brain?

Yeah. like a quality thing to feed my brain. If somehow all of a sudden AI turned out in like in one year, they wrote like a breaking bad Sopranos, mad men that, that, that, that, that all in one section, which basically was happening in like the mid two thousands.

Like all writers just did that all like from like a five or 10 year span. If that was happening, I think people would be like, AI is the best. All of these tv shows are awesome but if it's like just the same i you know like or worse yeah i think i don't think it trickles down to the consumer unless maybe it's like okay now netflix is only like a dollar a month right that that could impact yeah but like what is the you know how does it get down to the

public i don't see in the writing every everywhere else i get it but like what is the you know how does it get down to the public i don't see in the writing every everywhere else i get it but like in something like yeah entertainment i don't really quite get i don't i mean i think that it's i i really think it is what i what i obviously i don't know none of us know there's nobody's got the answers to this but i do think that that's kind of the danger of it is like you get a ton of content, which you're already getting because they're pumping out shows like from writers that are – we're working harder than we've ever worked for less money than we've ever made. And I say we. I'm not including late night writers. I'm talking about writers as a whole.

But like for less money than we've ever made before. And these rooms are lasting for like two to three weeks they are uh they're pumping out like eight episodes or something and they've got like six writers in a room that should be 12 so you get you just got people like really kind of doing what ai would do and and you're not – not every show is going to be good, but you have writers that really care about the quality of what they're making. Right. And I think with AI, you just are going to have like – it's about quantity. And AI and shit can do like sarcasm and like it would know to write a callback and shit like it's on that level

it's crazy yeah um i i mean i've listened i've never read an ai script so i say that i'm assuming that's that's true i don't actually know right uh your bra's hanging out a little bit i just about stopped yeah oh thank you very much appreciate it we were kind of talking about something serious i didn't know if I should interject. No, I appreciate it. I was going to be awkward enough. I asked for the heads up. Thank you.

As soon as you said that, I was like, I hope Jackie speaks up. Because I'm not going to be able to. Your bro's hanging out. Your bro's hanging out. You didn't see it? I couldn't see it. That's something you should say. You couldn't.

You know what? It's crazy. Because my boobs really, they'll just get out of breath if they're held in for too long. They sort of come up to gasp for air. I was like, you don't cut a hole in your titties? I do! Jesus Christ. I was like, for the last five minutes

I've been like, not five minutes. It's been five minutes? No, it's just been, it's not been that long, but it's been all over my head. And the bra, this is the worst part about it, I don't even give a shit about people seeing the bra. It's just the bra itself is so, such a mother bra. It looks like it's from the 1940s.

It's really, that's because it is. Because it's basically like the underside of the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm truly just taping shit at this point. Turo is the world's largest car sharing marketplace. As I have mentioned a time or two, I am in Amsterdam right now. And let me tell you, I wish Turo had hooked it up

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or something a little fancy for a classy occasion okay go to turo.com right now and find your drive forget boring rentals that's turo.com of course terms conditions and exclusions could possibly apply turo.com find your drive um you mentioned vanderpump and yes i said i heard andy cohen was here with the bad guys right i went i went to go see tom sandoval is that so i send you a dm he's like public number one caps locks like what is the reason i don't even know what i'm talking about i just had you just knew i was in a bad place. I just knew some girls were like, why is Rosebud there? And I was like... They were messaging you.

I was like... So I was like, what is the reason? It's so funny to me that they don't get like... Because it's funny. I don't really care. Because I'm like,

this is a distraction from my life. It's not my life. What the fuck? Were you just a fan of the show and went to we would watch the show every wednesday while we were waiting for uh pics to come out while they were like choosing snl like choosing the script so we would do table read and then we'd go sit in my office and we would watch vanderpump rules and i got so invested in this whole story and i'm like

it's crazy to me these are just like they're all alcoholics and they got invited to the white house correspondence dinner i'm like this is crazy if i could have kept drinking if i just kept drinking long enough and been on a show i could just go to the white house correspondence what the fuck am I working for? You are. I bet you producers look at you like the kid who's athletic but didn't play sports. Like, oh, man. What could have been? That bitch just drank and was a waitress. We could have made millions off of her.

Yes, exactly. You would be. You think Stassi is tough, you think? Watch out. Oh, my God. Stassi, Lala. I mean, every fucking word out of Lala's mouth, I'm just like, I love you. I love you.

I can't help it. I truly, like, I got so invested in this show. And then when I saw that we saw these clips we have um i wrote a sketch called vanderdump pools and it was like it was just a stupid fucking sketch that didn't get picked and it was just it was so stupid and i uh it was like it was just the same drama from the show but it was like at a fucking public pool and these people were it's just like a fucking mockery of the whole show yeah so i uh so i wrote the sketch it didn't get picked and i started a like a chain with everybody like or i don't know if i somebody did we started a full text chain

with everybody that was like what that would watch the show every Wednesday. And we called it Vanderdump Pools. And so Jimmy sent everybody this Instagram clip of somebody had gone to his show in Long Island and was showing the empty seats, right? Just him performing his heart out to an empty fucking theater. And I was like, dude, he's coming here. We have to go.

I want to go see this man's traveling karaoke project and I want to see it perform to an empty room. And here's the thing. I guess a bunch of people wanted to see him perform for an empty room because he did pretty okay when it comes to ticket sales. I mean, he didn't sell out Gramercy, which is like not the biggest theater. Okay? Like, come on.

You know? Does he sing? Not that hard to sell out. Does he sing? Yeah, he sang. He sings the whole time. He sings. I mean, he does what he does.

Is it argue too much, he sings? He sings every song in like a different accent. Like, it's so funny to me. He does the I will walk 500 miles in a Scottish accent, like in a fake Scottish accent. And we're all watching and we're just going, no, oh, no. See, I thought, so I sent you that DM and it was all caps locks. And I was like, she might not know that I don't care about this.

So she might think – I thought maybe you were friends with him because you were backstage and stuff. No, we got there and somebody came to us. I guess somebody found out that we were with SNL and they came and they gave us these backstage passes. And so we were all like, I mean, what are we not going to go backstage? So we went and obviously he comes out no shirt on. We were all just like, what? No way. What?

It's awesome when you meet someone and they are exactly who they are. Yeah. That guy is fucking. Yeah. I mean, listen. He's like a reality watcher. A guy wearing a fucking makeup on his eyes with glitter, it's like, you're not going to expect the most from this man.

You're not going to get a genuine apology from a guy. Do you know what I mean? It's just like he's wearing glitter. He's fully wearing – he's dressed like Harry Styles like 40 years from now basically. I mean it's wild to watch. And listen, it was just funny to me because I just started spewing like shit. I just started being like, yeah, we wrote a sketch about you. And everybody was like, don't say that to me.

I was like, it didn't get picked, but it was funny. It crushed you, man. It was really funny. It was called Vanderdump Pools. It was just making fun of your whole life. Anyway. It didn't get picked, though. It was just making fun of your whole life. Anyway. What? He didn't get picked, though.

It's so stupid. I was literally curling my hair one morning. There was no idea, by the way. Just the name. It was just Vanderdump Pools came to my head, and I was like, there's probably something there. And then we just wrote a sketch based off of that, and it was trash. It was trash.

And here's the thing. had graphics make up like a whole we had like graphics make the vander vander pump rules sign but with the cast heads on everybody on like everyone's bodies yeah and uh and even though it didn't get picked i had graphics printed out for me so that i could put it in my office and hang it and so now when people come in they go oh what's that from and i go i never never made it beyond table never even made it to table actually he didn't even read it out loud that's how bad it was so does something like that though like if you talk about it now and like we laugh about it would it could it like get a like a second win like a cult following of people being like like i think if you told your following about it and people were like vander dump pools is fucking funny that like the

the powers that be would be like all right like there's a you know i mean every sketch that i've tested it so like a focus group i feel like every sketch that i've ever written that didn't get picked at at snl i'm like i save it all in like a folder and i'm like well if i ever get a sketch show i've just got everything i want to write it's like right there um but i don't it's it's never really a loss if it's like if it goes to table and it gets laughs i feel really happy i like don't care so much about makes the if it makes the show get paid If I make the other comics laugh on Wednesday, I feel really good for the rest of the week. I don't feel like my week was a waste.

If you write a million skits this year and none of them go to the show, does that affect your money? No. No, the check clears. No matter what, yeah. No matter what. But will they be like,

I mean, Rosebud hasn't written a skit that's made it to air so they'll probably be like yeah she's gotta get something yeah okay but it's not like you know if you don't hit 20 in a year some whatever it's just it could be zero it could be a thousand yeah you get paid what you get paid pretty much until it's not right yeah yeah right exactly that that yeah that's the kind of deal you need. Yeah. I mean, that's like what writers lived off of. It's like you'd get one job. That job would have its off season. And then you'd get residuals for, and that's what we live off of, is like the residuals.

And the streamers don't pay residuals. And their rooms are shorter. So their rooms are like 13 weeks. Smaller people. Yeah, so it's a couple months yeah the the i think i i think it was snoop dogg who who had like the best like take on it that's not the best like where's that money he was like he i think he said like the streaming services are telling the artists that it doesn't make money and you're telling the investors that it's gonna get their

crazy range of billions so pick one of. You're lying to one of us. Right. Like, let us know which one it is, but you're lying to either us or them. Right. And who are they going to lie to? Yeah. Like, we fucking know. The dumb fucking artists.

Like, just give us a chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing, though, is, like, there's so many people who want to be artists and so many starving artists and shit that it's kind of like i i think it's you know when you get to a place where you're successful you're like i gotta get this fucking money now but in the beginning people are like i'm just happy to have a label happy to be yeah you spend so many years just taking whatever you can get and then they did yeah i'm lucky to have a badge that gets me into the building yeah i'm like you just get butt fucked yeah every whether you're a comedian a writer an actor whatever like so much in the beginning i mean even some of the some of the comedy stuff blows my mind i guess like rent is really crazy so if you're a club

owner you're already you're already providing something very important in the stage and the audience right that can cost new york city tens thousands of dollars. But when I hear that, like, some people go on stage for, like, $20, like, $50, it's like, what? Yeah, $50 a spot. Yeah, like, that's fucking nothing, especially this day and age.

Like, but, you know, but, like, if you don't, like, there's some comic who probably would, right? So it's like, I guess... There's always a comic that will, yeah. So is there... There's no sort of comedy union is there i mean you're not they're not writers right like no that could no we all hate each other yeah yeah i was gonna say could

that that couldn't really ever even exist right there's no union like but if you guys ever just said hey what they're fucking pirates there's no. But if you guys ever could somehow tell all these New York spots, like, we're not going on stage for $50 anymore. You won't have a single comic

unless you give all of us $250 a spot. They did that at the comedy store like years and years and years ago when Mitzi sure wasn't paying comics

and then the comics did a strike and there was like, it's all in that book, what's it called they did a show off of it on showtime yeah that um fucking santino was in yeah what's the name of it anyway i read the book it's like this this history of the comedy store basically and um did it work it was a huge deal and it worked. It worked. But you still have comics there that are like working the door for like years and years and years.

And it's like, I mean, I haven't tried to get in at the store, you know, like I haven't tried yet. Ever? I mean, I did like a friends and family, uh, showcase thing, but I wasn't sure how it worked. And I guess maybe that was like a thing, but it was right before the pandemic and then nothing. So I,

but I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to go out to LA at this point and be like, and work at the door. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's right it's like they're barking and shit but that's kind of the attitude you know it's like you you are like you got to pay your dues all over again no matter what that's crazy i can understand if you're like young and

let me move this a little bit you good yeah um if. If you're young and all that, but it's like, bro, I did this for 20 years in New York. I already did this. I'm not fucking doing it for you too. Right, right. Well, I think most people just don't. That just seems like the systems are just a little jacked up. Yeah, it's a little crazy. Would you say the club owners have the power in that realm?

Yeah. Once you really blow up, I'm sure the act does. But in the beginning it feels like they can pay you anywhere from like zero to like very limited money

and you guys are just so eager to get spots and get an audience and do your takes well it's such a hard cause every club is like it's own kind of ecosystem

yeah do you know what I mean and there's certain club owners that do it really really well and they have like a real respect for comedy and they and they have bookers that are – that really respect comedy and that want to build a comic and allow them this but like you get a club where uh this is like

a tricky thing where an owner is doing really well right and the club is like comics are loving it it's a good hang audiences are showing up and and the word is really good and then you start then they start to get these side projects and it's like always a sign that the club is on its way down the fucking shitter. What's a side project? It's like a side project. They'll just get, they'll be like, oh, this is going well. We're going to open up another one. And we're going to open it up in this place that no one fucking needs a comedy club.

Right. And now we're going to manage comics. Now we're going to do that. You know what I mean? And it's like, there's certain clubs that have done this that are doing it pretty well. They've narrowed their focus. But it's just tricky. I'm always skeptical.

Whenever I see a club owner be like, oh, and we got this going on. We got this going on. We got this going on. I'm like. How come you're not just doing the one thing? what happened the one thing that you were doing really well just the one thing yeah and it happens really slowly it happens really slowly but it's like they they get greedy but and it's kind of like okay fine but fine, but you're not going to – you're going to get shittier and shittier comics into that club. And it's going to become more and more of like kind of a scam. I was talking to Francis about like what – because Barstool has been opening up bars in different cities.

And I was like, I wonder if we could ever open up a club because if we were coming from a different angle, being like financed by like a fucking big gambling operation, there might be more money. And what if you could pay comics better? Wouldn't that be great? We'd come in and be like, you know, everybody would want to come to us if we're paying five times what you make at other clubs. Right. And he was like, yeah, but these other clubs will be like, if you go up on stage with them, like you can't come back to my place. Yeah. And then you're blackballed from, you know but these other clubs will be like, if you go up on stage with them, like, you can't come back to my place. Yeah. And then you're blackballed from, you know, the other places you'd go.

And I was like, oh, goddamn, this is like a fucking whole, like, you know. Yeah, that's like certain markets. I kind of get that. Because if you're a traveling comic and you're going to a city that you have to headline this one thing, you're kind of, you're trying to drive ticket sales to that one place right if you are then also performing at the club down the street you're kind of watering down your own ticket sales so it doesn't necessarily make sense for you as a comic either because you're not just going there to like stretch you're going there to make money right so i i i get that a little bit

more it doesn't make sense in your hometown in in like a city that – it's good. I mean I have a home club, right? And that's the place that I perform the most and that's the cellar. And then I have other clubs that I perform at as well. But I kind of – there is a loyalty that I go, okay, well, I've put in a Vales here and that's where I'm kind of like focused. And then if I have a Vales in the rest of my life, I'll go other places. That makes sense. I get that.

Like a local loyal – like I came up with this person. Whoever owns the club kind of deal. Yeah, kind of. I mean it's – but that's also just for me like in terms of like making my own life easier. It's just like how many different people do I want to be emailing? You know what I mean? I just can't. I can't email.

Right. I don't email anymore. I'm off the email. It's too much. You might as well fucking call me and read me a book. I don't – it's so much effort to fucking email. I'm off the text now. I was surprised when you when you said

like i started a group text my like stomach churn i know yeah group texts are like shower sex like they're great for a second theory and then like and then you're like getting there what everybody's just going why do we do this yeah i got all this going on now this but i do like i i feel like the writers uh at my at my work don – they're really good about group chat. No one really responds. They send it out and then nobody responds unless they've got something really fucking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they'll respond.

I think there was one – That's the worst when you have the person who does respond to things. Yeah. And then you feel bad that you didn't also respond. You're like, no, if just no one responds, we're fine. If nobody responds, you're good. And no one does. It's're good. And no one does. It's really good.

There was one text. I think somebody texted like, see you guys. If anybody could send in promos. And we were on break. And I think Che responded, leave us alone. And everyone, no one said anything in response to that. But we all got back to work and talked about it. Do you know what I mean?

So it's like, it's respectful. We had a car ride the other day from the hotel to the airport that was like 40 minutes. And it was dead silent for like 38 of the minutes. Yeah. And then our dumb producer spoke up. And we were like, you ruined it! We had a moment of just people being quiet and not bothering each other about anything or bringing up

stupid shit for like 40 whole minutes! It was amazing! You're like, god damn it! The second he uttered a syllable, I snapped. No! You ruined history! It's amazing! The driver turned around and he thought

we were really going to fight. He fucking talked. You heard it. I'm in Amsterdam right now. I got Dutch folks stopping me all over the streets. They're grabbing me. They're saying, Feidelberg. They're saying it in a funny language.

That's really long. The words are all too long here. But they're grabbing me. They're holding me over the canal by my ankles. They're saying, they're robbing me like pirates. They're saying, where's pirate water? We want it over here in the Netherlands. I said, you can't get it here.

You can't get the party in a can here. You can only get pirate water in the States. I think, I don't even know if that's true, but you definitely can't get it here. Everyone wants it. Only you can get it. It comes in margarita, my favorite flavor. It comes in sex on the beach, not my favorite place to have sex.

It comes in Miami Vice, and it comes in Bahama Mama. That's Bert's favorite flavor. Go see the machine, too, if you haven't seen that. Go to drinkpoweredwater.com right now. Show these Dutch how good it is so we can get it over to them. Or you can order it on GoPuff. DrinkPirateWar.com, find out closest to you, or order it on GoPuff. How's Andy doing?

He's doing good. I mean, other than having to walk around the house on his tiptoes. He's doing really good. I think people should walk around the house on their tiptoes. Pregnant person or not in the house. What? Why? I saw... You're so deranged, dude.

I think everyone should be uncomfortable in their own home. He's like, here's my take. I saw an Instagram reel yesterday and it was like there are two kinds of people in this world. There are good people and bad people. And it was like good people and it was like someone closing a door but with the doorknob already turned and then letting it go quietly rather than slamming it and then letting

it like snap yeah and i was like well i know which one of these i am and it's the first one i quietly shut a door i quite and the one that always gets me is people on the amtrak when they close the top thing they let it snap and it's so fucking loud and i think everything you're one of those people who's like really irritated by loud noises don't hear anything everything you do yeah i think you should it should be in like the i think it's mission impossible where they're trying to break into a thing where like they're also measuring sound you should make sure it's as quiet as possible right at all times right like a car ride i kind of get that yeah so like andy that's good practice for andy

but he should practice it at all times it should be a 24 7 well he's gonna be practicing it when the baby's here for sure yeah i mean he's doing he's doing really good i'm like i uh you know i feel like this has been the wildest fucking experience for us and just like everything changes so fast and you're just like holy fucking shit you're just like in it together you know um what's the do yeah uh it's uh baby's due october 7th i should stop calling it it it's coming yeah this is this is gonna be a ridiculous question i'm sure but like go for it this is i i imagine it's like another celebrity you're saying like oh so we're actually like we're together yeah like we're we're really this is for real like we had the cute little wedding and all that stuff but like now we're together yes that that that

kind of blows my mind that there's like yeah after post-wedding there's another level of like oh wow it keeps blowing my mind that my baby is half him do you know what i mean like i just keep it keeps blowing my mind that i'm like i could see you being like the baby looks like andy like one of those people fucking kid came out looking like my husband. God damn it. I'd be thrilled if she looked like Andy. I really would. I think she'd be so cute with like a sharp chin.

A baby with a sharp chin. I think she's going to be super cute. But I also am like, I am just like, I hope she's got more. I just, I hope she's like a rough bitch. You know what I mean? I really just want her to be if dna has anything to say about it i think that's what i want i want her to be like the type of person who just like hunts and kills people for sport that's really my that's my goal and if i'm

and if i'm but here's the thing is i keep saying this to my sisters and they're like she's not they're like because of because that's what you want she's gonna my sisters and they're like, she's not. They're like, because that's what you want, she's going to be a sweetheart. They're like, she's going to be like Andy. She's going to be like kind of silent but disappointed. And I'm like, don't say that. They're like, that's what she's going to be. Do you have any names?

We got names, but we're not telling names because I'm like, if you tell a name, people make a face and then you just go like. It's funny they they people do not they really want to let you know they really lack so so everybody lacks social couth yeah almost in all situations but when it comes to the names yeah they really can't help or just babies in general they really are crazy when it comes to like babies in general like i it's crazy to me how many things people have said to me we're like i walked into the stand and somebody goes hey your face looks different i go yeah i'm pregnant she goes yeah i was gonna say your face looks fatter i was like what the fuck

and then like this was like this is like a week after i go to my ob's office right i picked this italian bitch because i thought she's going to be like, you know, she'll let me get fat in peace. I stepped off the scale and this bitch goes, okay, that's enough. She goes, you've had your fun. That's enough. You ate too much. I was like, excuse me?

She goes, it's too much food. You ate, you ate, you ate. You have to stop. I was like, excuse me? She goes, it's too much food. You ate, you ate, you ate. You have to stop. I was like, oh my god. Andy's sitting there laughing. I was like, this is not fucking funny. This is a doctor? This is my doctor.

My doctor who will be delivering my child. No more pizza pie. That's enough. You got a Nintendo cartoon as a PC? Yes. I have Mario as my daughter she's so she's okay that's a bitch and i'm like oh my god i mean listen i'm glad that she's you don't want a doctor who's going to tell you what you want to hear right you got a teenage doctor what you need to hear but she goes it's too much too much food a little bedside man or she goes how much weight

because it literally every single article i've read is like yeah most women lose weight in the first trimester i'm 20 pounds up i'm for real just keep packing on and i can't stop eating i'm fully just just shoving shit in my hole all day and i can't stop eating. I'm fully just shoving shit in my hole all day. And I can't stop. There's no stopping me. I'm like, I can't. It's not an option. I'm going to Italy this month. I'm going to fucking eat.

I'm going to end this thing. I'm going to be like 70 pounds. I know it. And she goes, you're going to be very mad at me if I tell you you have to stop eating because you're going to get so big. And I was like, yeah, I am, stop eating because you're gonna get so big and i was like yeah i am bitch i am gonna get so big i'm like that's the plan all right i've never been i've had to be on camera yeah i've had i've had to be thin my whole fucking life i want to be fat i want to get fat all right this is my time fuck yeah yeah i like that um what are you and then so you think you will

change as a person like you think your comedy will be different of course i mean you'll be like uh less of a i don't know cynical bitch um yeah i mean i i kind of already feel like a little less i mean i did fall for a scam at the airport yeah that's how you know but i don't old rosebud would have like spit in that guy's face and punched him truly i was like it was crazy how easily she got that money out of me but but i don't know i i i think probably i'll change i think has, you have to change somewhat as a person. I mean, unless you're a true sociopath. But I am kind

of psyched to see what happens. I don't, you know what I mean? Listen, I haven't had a suicidal thought in like months. No way. It's crazy. I know, it's crazy. Not even like a funny one. Just pretty much just happy to be here.

Just living my life. And that's wild. Put that down in my ideas book. Yeah. Put it on my to-do list. Get pregnant. Yeah, exactly. It's weird how it immediately changed the way that I was thinking about shit

and the way that I kind of think about my career and the importance of shit. Definitely. It kind of changes shit. It's like, oh, this is what it's all about. Even though I haven't met her yet, I don't know what she's going to be like, but I'm – goddammit, my tits again. Do you remember what your exact Instagram story was? It was like, I'd give whatever to shave a pound off of each of these titties.

Yeah. I'm literally a barnyard animal right now. I think I said I'd make a deal with a sea witch. Yes. Yes. I would make a deal with a sea witch to take a pound off of each of these titties. I'm a literal barnyard animal. I was fucking hackling.

Howling, laughing at that. It was fucking was so i'm just on the beach just like this is fucking huge and it just feels like and i'm not even halfway done i just keep going oh my god i have so long and the worst part you gotta go through the summer i know i'm gonna be sweating you'll be like in getting into your third trimester mid-summer, late summer. The sight of my – I swear to God, I really have to work on this because it's like – it is really hard to get – to watch your body just go from one thing that you recognize to like, Oh, this is just not mine anymore. Like I'm just sharing this. It sucks. You just go like,

I better fucking learn to like something about myself that, that is like from the inside. Cause it's, you gotta start to love whoever you are. Dangerous proposition. Cause it's like, this is not, this is not for the faint of heart.

This is fucked up. I should have gotten the faint of heart. This is fucked up. I should have gotten a surrogate. This is absolutely bullshit. But I am trying to embrace it. People are like, just embrace it. I'm like, you fucking embrace it. This sucks. I haven't taken a smooth shit in five months.

Okay? I sit on the toilet and I fucking scream. I just scream every day it's so funny i was just thinking how it's funny that like we've kind of watched yours and andy's relationship like you guys you were one of our first guests you are our very first guest after the pandemic yeah and andy had like kind of you said i think you guys had just started dating but you're like but we go really fast yeah yeah and fast and I think your line was like we're two recovering alcoholics like everything goes in warps

yeah yeah yeah but the first story you told was when you're a diva cuff yes oh yeah I mean we're kind of prepped for this you know we're kind of prepped for it I would love to like have a camera

just following around andy like like it's earlier in the morning and the birds are chirping he's like making coffee and he just hears from the bathroom like this is what's so sick about it he loves it he just loves to see me crushed by the weight of this responsibility he loves it he's just like oh is it a tough day for you i'm just like he like loves it oh i love it great stuff we'll have to get him in here too so yeah and you're on the road still with all this yeah i mean i'm crazy i booked a tour because here's the thing i didn't think this pregnancy was going to last. I'm just being honest. Okay, I thought this was going to be a bad three weeks at work.

That's what I thought. So I booked a tour. And I wasn't going to tell anybody. And I was like, well, I'll lose it probably. That's what I thought. And so I booked this whole tour. The chuckle hut in Indiana? It probably was.

Yeah, I was like, most likely. Sure. Book it. I truly didn't think it was going to work out. I'll tell you what, your pregnancies have made me laugh. Andy's joke when he told me your Christmas gift, I'm glad you're finally making

good on that card. card is such a good joke I hate him for it it's so good god I wish I was like it's just I mean it's the only it's a joke that only he could tell but it was so good that it pissed me off it was like okay I mean I should just let him tell it, but it's like a, uh, fuck. He goes, he goes, yeah. So my wife, um,

for Christmas, she got me a card and, uh, and I opened up the card and it said, congratulations, you're going to be a dad. And he's like, and then she miscarried and she never got me another present.

Because the whole audience just goes like, and he goes i know and she never got me anything else all i had was a fucking car he goes i got and i got her a patagonia jacket i forgot about that yeah the uh that special, I love that special of Mandy. Yeah. It's the same one where he's talking about going to the, I don't know, is it Astronaut, the NASA Hall of Fame? Yeah. And the people in the Challenger are in it,

but some people who have been to space aren't. Yeah, and they never went to space. He's like, come on. Space Hall of Fame. I know, I know. He's like, come on. I mean, space hall of fame. I know. I know. He's like, you're such a dick. I love it.

That intro, that whole thing is great. Yeah. I love that special. Yeah, he's great. He's very funny. He's a funny guy for a man. All right. Well.

Like, huh, a funny man. That's so crazy. Don't see those often. All right, so you can get tickets to go see Rosebud on the Road. Yeah. Yeah, come see me on the road. Rosebudbaker.com. I'm everywhere this summer, pretty much.

The writer's strike ends, SNL gets cooking again. How long do you think it's going to go? I honestly think it's going to go... Last one went 107 days. I know, and that was like a much smaller list of demands. So I feel like this is going to go longer than that. Like a year?

I feel like I'm going to have a baby before I'm back at work. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm going to have a baby before I'm back at work anyway, pretty much, because we start in October. And I think people are saying

it'll last at least three months, at least 100 days. And so I feel like it might last a little longer. If SAG and IATSE and the DGA all join, then I think we've got, then I think it'll be shorter. But I don't know if they're going to do that. Okay. Oh, really? Yeah.

You heard it from Rosebud. Well, I'm an idiot no headlines you know hollywood writer says just no no yeah yeah yeah yeah just big time hollywood writers pregnant idiot says this yeah all right thank you girl thanks for having me guys dollar shame club that you could make the argument that they invented trimming up everything. They've been around forever. They're a name brand that you trust. Now they've got the double-headed electric trimmer.

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alright yeah I mean the Mets to me are uh last year was like I had last year I had to actually take a step back and like

check myself on what the Mets were doing to my life it was like an unhealthy year for me because of them it was great though

it was the best year like they had it was the best year ever but this goddamn fan base was like so many people complaining and and healthy year for me because of them. It was great though. It was the best year they had. Yeah, it was the best year ever. But this goddamn fan base was like so many people complaining and so much negativity and I was like,

bro, we got the money. We got these players. We're having our best season ever. Steve Cohen is the best thing to ever happen to sports. He is legitimately the best thing to ever happen to me,

I think. I got two kids. It goes Steve and then them. Dude, when they were doing their push to the playoffs last year, that last series they were in Atlanta, I got a random hit up by some company that Steve, he wanted to host a watch party. He was looking for somebody to host a watch party. And somehow word has gotten to them that I was a Met fan and they asked me if I would do it. And I had a weekend of dates, but they paid a ridiculous amount of money like whatever they're paying we'll times it by 10 and then i went and

it was literally just at a bar it was literally just me drinking at a bar watching the met game like that was it and then it would go to commercial and i would be like let's go and they would be like good job good you're doing great that's fucking amazing i've heard stories from chris de stefano who's done uh yeah he's done some yeah actually the story he had were his wife booked him to do yeah cohen's wife yeah oh the holiday his birthday or something yeah and they were throwing food at him yeah it was just a bunch of like billionaire fat cats making fun of him but yeah i, I mean, Steve Cohen. Yeah, I think Chris, I think DeStefano was a Yankee fan.

I think he had to convert. Yeah, he became so cool. He is trying to play this line right now. He's like, you know, I'm Italian from Brooklyn. I'm a New Yorker. I'm a Yankees fan. But the Coens, like, who's writing the checks these days, Chris? That's who you're a fan of, bro. He had to convert, for sure.

I mean, I don't blame him, man. Yeah, I remember like one time I was at the game. Just ran. Just bought tickets and went to see the game. And I see, like, on the Jumbotron, they just got DeStefano. Yeah. And he's open sweet. And I'm like, what the fuck?

I think he said he's bombed every time. Every time they put him up there, he tries to do something funny, and it just flops miserably. Miserably. But, yeah, man. miserably yeah but yeah man uh cohen and my boss portnoy got into a little little thing uh online like last year arguing on twitter and he my boss says to me like yo if if shit really goes down like whose side are you on and i was like fucking his dude he's a billionaire i'm riding with them dude what does that mean like if shit goes down like what's gonna happen yeah i was gonna say we'll we in a street fight?

And I got to pick which side am I on? The Jets and the Sharks? Whose tweet are you going to like? Yeah, that's basically what it is. Which person are you going to retweet, man? All right, so how old are you? 32. Okay, so you've been around long enough to see some heartache.

And, like, so you know how fucking dark it can get as a Mets fan. I mean, only heartache. That's all I've seen. So I've always said, like, we are the worst generation because we're not old enough to really remember or we're alive for 86. No, I wasn't alive. Yeah. I was one. So, yeah, we've seen him go, but, like, you know.

So when people talk about, like, he's a Red Sox fan, so it was an 86 years and the cubs at 100 years it's like oh that's all well and good all i know is my entire life it hasn't happened you know what i mean so 100 years i think it's better than like 20 years because 100 years is just what it is yeah yeah yeah like it's just what it is right 20 years they're like no there was a day when one time i've made an argument with him and i'm wondering actually i don't know if we've ever talked about starting to you're starting to get a little bit yeah the argument i've had with him because again i'm

from boston and we're in a four-year drought now championship list four years the bruins are gonna fix it this is just a high school but the what the the analogy i would give to him, and it's very apropos because I'm a woman and I know exactly what it's like. But it's like when I get to the championship and we lose, it hurts more than a bad season because I had a miscarriage. I'm in the third trimester and I had a miscarriage. I'm sure it's 100% like that. I'm sure that women who had miscarriages would totally agree with that. You motherfuckers are just barren. You know.

You're like, yeah, it's just not happening. It's whatever. I am like, I've painted the baby room. I've picked out last year. Boston fans are, I mean,

they're like a joke. They win in every sport most of the time. Yeah, hockey's been a little over a decade, so we're going to fix that. I have to, I mean,

the reason why this place exists and why I've had any success is because of Boston Sports having the success they had. They were selling T-shirts and game part watches. And, you know, that's why Barstool exists. So I have to, on some level, appreciate it. And I still hate it. Like, I still root against it. It would be better for my wallet if they won. And I'm like, nope.

Fuck these guys. Because, I mean, it became laughable. It became genuinely laughable. I get it with the Patriots. What about this year? Yeah. Which, like the Bruins? Yeah.

I'll root for the Bruins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll root for the Bruins. I cannot root for the Patriots or the Celtics. I have a thing with the Red Sox because I hate the Yankees. So, Bruins, I'm all good. Red Sox, I actually root for, as long as it doesn't somehow impact the Mets. I don't hate the Yankees. Bruins, I'm all good. Red Sox, I actually root for as long as it doesn't somehow impact the Mets. I don't hate the Yankees.

Oh, no. We were going so good, bro. We had a thing going. I don't hate them. I just don't care about them. I fucking hate them. They're not even in our league. Did you see that tweet yesterday? The Costco? There's like nine franchises

who sell their tickets at Costco. It's all the poverty franchises. It's the Giants. It's the A's. It's the Brewers. It's the – All the broke boys. Texas Rangers.

It's fucking the Marlins. I've seen a couple of the team. And then the Yankees. And I was like, ha, ha, ha. I couldn't believe it. You poor motherfuckers. It's nice being the rich boys in town. That's a whole new world.

Do you really – if you really think about it, do you really hate the Yankees or do you hate the fans? The fans. Yes. But, so. You could even extrapolate. Because there's teams where I hate, but I don't know their fans. Yeah, I was going to say, it becomes, I actually hate Italians. I hate loud mouth Italians.

They're always, I mean, I grew up in the Bronx as a Mets fan. So I was behind enemy lines my whole life. Yeah. So every fucking, that's why I hate the new kid. The new, I didn't realize this. The shortstop? Volpe? Volpe. behind enemy lines my whole life yeah so every fucking that's why i hate the new kid the new uh i didn't realize this he's a 21 year old italian from hoboken who's like it's i mean so he's he's one of those fans we've been making fun of he now is their shortstop i was like this might be my final boss this is my final like the guy's dream i'm like i'm a dominican from queen so we cheered

for the mets and boston because there were so many Dominicans in Boston. They had big poppies. So that was the thing. But Yankees was like, whatever. We haven't competed against them. You're a bigger man than I am because I just fucking hate them. You hate the people. It's the people.

I do, and I don't want them to be happy. And so then I have to hate the players because I'm like, I need you guys to lose too. I'm a New York dude, though. I'm really New York. I know. I just don't get that though man to me it's like I just grew up it's one or the other and if you're not the other you gotta fucking hate the other one yeah come to the dark side man come on I can't man I'm just too New York I just like I mean obviously don't tell me you root for the Yankees no I'm not rooting for them I'm not rooting for them like I remember like watching

them when they went against the Astros a couple times. I was watching the game. I wasn't cheering for the Astros. Why would I cheer for Houston? Because fuck the Yankees. That's why, man. That's why. And I watch it among Yankees fans, but I'll just watch, and I'll just be like, whatever. I'm kind of like, I don't care about the Yankees.

I don't really actively root against them. There was a time, like, 0-3, 0-2, 0-3. That shit was, in Boston, the Sox would do better ratings than the Pats would at that time. And the Pats were already two-time Super Bowl champs. And those, like, an 0-3 fucking April game against the Rays would, like, outrate a Pats game. Not that the Pats were playing at the time, but you know what I'm saying.

And we won a few Super Bowl series, and I was like, all right, whatever. Who gives a fuck? And then two years ago, maybe, we won a few series and I was like, all right, like whatever, who gives a fuck? And then, two years ago, maybe whatever, the same series probably, Yankees-Astros, I was just watching

at the bar, like who gives a shit, whatever. Astros went deep in like the eighth and I was on the bar. I was like, yeah,

fuck these guys. They were cheating the whole time, using the clickers. Dude, I don't give a shit how they do it. I think I'm like

just a good loser. Like I just lost my whole life and everything so i think i'm just like a suit like losing is like pretty like you ever meet those guys like michael's like i can't lose i'm like why not why can't you lose it's not that different from winning if you really think about it it's's not that different. Keep going. I like this. Talk more. It's just you lose, and then you just continue living. Your life just continues.

You just go home and do kind of what you would have done if you won. It's not that. I went to the World Baseball Classic in Miami. I was just there watching the Dominican Republic. And we lost the first game to Venezuela. And then we won the next two. We beat Israel. And then we beat, I forgot the other team. Oh, Nicaragua, I think.

Whatever. And then we lost to Puerto Rico and literally every day, winning and losing, there was no difference. There was a party like, we're leaving the stadium. People were happy. There was no difference. Think about it. There was someone who said, I forget

who the first athlete to ever say it was, but it's been said a million times since the i hate losing more than i like winning and i'm like oh i'm the opposite yeah no way like i do have fun winning it is fun to celebrate all that like i don't really hate losing it's it's whatever i do that mamba mentality i'm anti i'm like listen man it's fun to play the game mentality only works if you're fucking kobe if you're kobe yeah otherwise you're just a dick yeah it's like yo right relax and even kobe they was like he was a dick he was a dick like he was known his teammates didn't love him if he wasn't winning he wasn't a pleasant guy it's like having the guy in the office who's like an overachiever or the student who tries too hard it's like you don't you don't call you

don't talk about the mamba mentality for the guy who like studies hard for the test right you hate that kid you know yeah did i read you were um you were originally going to try to be a lawyer yeah yeah yeah how far along in that process lost in that i got my i got my uh bachelor's on my undergrad in uh in uh uh political science and economics i was pre-law and then i studied for the lsats and i took the lsats and i applied to some schools and then just never followed okay all right so yeah so what what made you uh flip the switch um i just feel like i feel like to be honest when i look back at it if i wanted to be a lawyer i feel like i could have i could just went to law school i kind of did well in school but i was just like i'm not

like i don't really care about this that much and then i found comedy and i was like i really do care about this so let me just try to do something i care about how'd you find comedy i was just always a fan yeah i was always a fan and actually actually, I remember being in college, and they did a comedy competition, and Chris DiStefano was the pro comic. He was fairly new at the time. He was three years in. But he was the headliner to close out the student competition. And I just watched him just murder at school.

And I was just like, man, I want to do that. That seems so cool. As we've interviewed more comics and gotten more into this world, I started to go to more shows and see more specials and all that stuff. And I don't know. Growing up a sports fan, I always thought there's nothing better than a big hit or a big basket or a big touchdown in the moment in front of these fans. And then when you see somebody crush on stage

and you watch a whole club uh arena or a fucking stadium like in the palm of their hands i don't know if there's anything better than that i mean i i have i've i would say still a walk-off home run yeah that's the one thing that i i think at home always kind of sticks with me is yeah a crack of the bat you know it's gone especially now where like you could talk shit remember like the old school baseball you were supposed to be modest now you just take the bat throw it into the stand and get the finger to the picture and run the third that shit is like that is the best you were brian mccann waiting to murder you in the park yeah yeah yeah i feel like i feel like that is like the way to go for so long like baseball was just like you play it this way

you do it this way. And it got so boring. People just stopped watching. The pitch clock's unbelievable, bro. These teams are fucking moving. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Is the light show, is that a Fenway thing or is that a baseball thing? I thought I saw it somewhere else, too.

Yankee Stadium does it, too. There's a couple stadiums that have it. Every stadium has kind of their own thing. The Citi Field has the Apple. Okay. I made fun of the Yankees for that fucking light show. Oh, it is? Yeah.

In Milwaukee, there's like the mascot goes down the slide I like that though And the Apple has history I like the slide The lights to me Houston has something too The one place that has the train Oh the train

I think that's Kansas City No Pittsburgh Houston The train is cool I first saw it because I'd never seen it I guess I've watched a lot less baseball recently I saw it happen at Fenway on opening day

or whatever, and I was like, oh that's new that's kind of cool, and people fucking hated it obviously I like it, I like everyone having their own thing, I like the apple, I like the slide the lights kind of feel lazy if everyone's doing lazy, if just Fenway was doing it, I'd like it

if it's happening, I saw a highlight from some other stadium. I was like, wait, they do lights too? That's why I didn't know if it was across all baseball. But I like having your own thing, your own celebration. Also, Fenway's still so old school. I think their thing would be like, until one day, I don't know when, they're going to have to knock it down and make a new one eventually. And until then, they should be like the we are old

Fenway does have that shit too it really is, I don't know if you've ever been to a game there but like when I go it's still like you walk in like oh there's the Sistine Chapel which is nice I like that in baseball tradition is important especially in baseball it's like a traditional sport

and I'm not that kind of guy but when I walk up the ramp and I see the field I'm like like, oh, there is the feeling. I've still never gotten to Fenway. Did we go to Fenway? Have we gone to Fenway? No. Dude, but these young guys, the way they play. When you come from a third world country with no water, the way they play.

That was the crazy thing about WBC. It was like seeing how other countries. Oh, that's insane. They have fun at the game. That's insane. I mean, at the game? That's insane. I mean, I went to Mets playoff. I've been to the playoff game, a baseball playoff game.

Never been to a World Series, but the energy doesn't compare. Yo, listen, you get down to Miami and you get a ton of Puerto Ricans and Dominicans in the spot watching baseball and big shit happens, it's going to be a fucking scene.

Yeah, this is the second time I went. Last time I went to Miami, then I went to San Diego and watched DR play USA. And it's also not like, sometimes you go see, I've been to like Yankees, Boston, where it's like, you're like, is there going to be a fight in the audience? Like, this is not that. So you root for the Dominican or US? Yeah, I root for the Dominican.

But I mean, obviously, versus Japan, I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you, I mean, clearly USA is the best. Like that's, like if USA sent the pitchers, it's lights out. Yeah, it's no I mean, clearly USA is the best. Like, that's, like, if USA sent the- If we sent the pitchers, it slides out. The pitchers, it slides out. Yeah, it's no competition. Clearly, USA is the best. But for, like, a country like DR, like, the country shuts down for this.

Yeah. Like, this is everything. Like, they wait for this. They prepare. Like, there's posters. All right, so let me ask you this, then. So you're a Mets fan. Yeah.

When Edwin Diaz broke his leg, he was like, fuck the World Baseball Classic. Yeah. I hate this shit. Yeah. My season is now ruined. Sure. So you like the World Baseball Classic. I hate this shit. My season is now ruined. So you like the World Baseball Classic. You want the Dominican

to win. It's not the same because he played for Puerto Rico and not the Dominican. But, let's say this. What if the Dominican team

won the World Baseball Classic but then this season we miss the playoffs because of Edwin Diaz being out? Where would you fall? Well, I mean, Edwin Diaz's injury, that could have happened in the shower.

I know, but it happened at the moment. He could have been in spring training. It's not like he wouldn't have been playing. The guys are playing at this time, right? So it's like a weird argument to be like, don't go to this. It's like, so it's okay if I get hurt in Port St. Lucie, but if I do it in this grand stage. But at least he was doing something for the team

at spring training versus something for another team. Altuve got hurt too. He was out for like two months. It is crazy. Some big names to go down. I mean, Edwin is no one bigger than that. He's the one guy I feel like we couldn't lose. If there's like a line drive that hits him in the face, then I'm like... Yeah, sure. The celebrating baseball players, all

of them are so soft. They're always getting injured. I mean, who am I to talk? But it seems like they're always getting injured in the most ridiculous ways. Yeah, that was pretty ridiculous. But I did feel that way as a Mets fan originally. But I just know what it means to these countries. Like, these countries literally wait. Because, you know, they watch the MLB, but they're not invested like we are.

Because they don't have a team because some guy from their town plays for that team. But this is where they can root against the world. It's like the World Cup. It's funny comparing rooting for your team. Whenever someone from the area makes the Red Sox, it's the biggest deal. And they always do. Hometown kids. It's never a good playoff.

If you had some monster like Volpe. Well, that's why fucking what LeBron ended up doing in Cleveland is the craziest thing that's ever happened in sports for that level of player to go to his hometown

via the draft initially is like the stars could not have aligned more I go the opposite I'm like every player

should be forced to go so like that everyone could get hurt it's like it's unfair when teams keep back their star and then our star goes. Everyone should have a fair shot at getting injured.

That's a great call. In the Olympics, I think the NHL players are going back. But there was one Olympics, I think, where the NHL players didn't go. And it does lose all the juice. When they don't go, yeah. Yeah, like I don't really – I don't know the college players. I don't really follow it. So like you still get up with hockey.

It's USA versus Russia. You still get up USA versus Canada a little bit, but it's like – I don't know. If you remember the – what was it? 2016, whatever Olympics it was with TJ Oshie versus Alex Ovechkin in a shootout. Like this is fucking nuts. This is Captain America versus fucking Drago. Yeah, it's insane.

And also, like, if you're, like, a fan of sport, it's just good. I mean, I heard, like, Trey Turner and Mookie Betts talking about it, where they were just like, they both played in World Series. I don't believe them. I don't fucking believe them. I've been there. And I haven't been to the World Series. There's no way you can play in a World Series game and win a World Series.

Well, these are single-game eliminations. I know. So it would be game seven. So it would be game seven of World Series. You cram into that game. I get that. But even in Miami, when USA played Japan, obviously USA is home, but it's still a lot of Japanese people there.

They travel, man. They travel, yeah. So when DR played Venezuela, it was like half DR, half Venezuela. And it's also no beef. I remember they'll take out, let's say Israel. We were punching Israel by like eight. I mean, yeah. We were up like eight, and Israel took out the pitcher,

and he still got a standing ovation. Everybody just stand up like yeah like you know you're doing this for your country like like it's no like animosity like yankees boston where they're like fuck berbera you know i mean yeah listen for team israel it's like it's almost like good job guys that's that's like super fun that that i can that atmosphere. But I went to a game recently. I went to my first soccer game over in Europe. And that has the threat of violence at all times. Yes. That's also really fun.

When you're like, there might be a riot. People are setting fires in the stands. Yeah, I never actually went there. They have fire. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you ever found yourself feeling a little stretched out, feeling a little thin, feeling a little stressed out, stretched out, stressed out, doesn't matter what it is. It can be all the things.

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We've talked about therapy a lot on this site, on this website. It's not a website anymore. It's a podcast now. We've talked about therapy a lot on this podcast. I think it's helped me and Kevin through some pretty hard times that we've talked about. And it's all thanks to BetterHelp. So go to the website. Fill out a brief questionnaire.

Everything's online. You don't have to go to the website fill out a brief questionnaire everything's online you don't have to go to a waiting room you don't have to bounce around therapists if you ever tried to get a therapist it is really really difficult better help makes it so easy go to betterhelp.com use code kfc get 20 off your first month that's betterhelp.com code kfc find more balance with BetterHelp. I don't like playing video games. Like, I used to play, like, Madden or 2K. It's the most shit-talking, and then you lose, and you're just like, yeah.

Yo, video games brings a lot of bad out in people, man. Yeah, it does. Especially the sports one, I feel like. Yeah, that's where people will be the most racist, sexist, evil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy, he has one video, one day a year he tries to play video games and he just gets fucking waxed by like an 11 year old yeah and he's just done so bad it's like i i bought xbox 360 i think maybe it was xbox one whatever because taylor kitch from friday night lights was in a commercial yeah an animated version of him not not even him. And I was like, I gotta get this if Tim Riggins has it.

And I was an adult man at the time. And I started playing Madden. I didn't even finish the first game. It lets you play a game while it's loading. Yeah. And it was Pat's Seahawk Super Bowl, so it was right after that. And I was like, this sucks. I'm down 70 in the first.

And then I put on Tony Hawk. I couldn't beat the first level. And I was like, all right. It's hard, man. I'll do, this sucks. I'm down 70 in the first. And then I put on Tony Hawk. I couldn't beat the first level. And I was like, all right. It's hard, man. I was like, I'll do Call of Duty. I'll get this fucking headset on. And the kids were just so mean, dude. Like crazy, crazy mean.

I've been victims of many a hate crime. People think I'm Jewish. It's misguided. I had hockey camps where kids would just slide swastikas under the door. Sure. Really. Sorry about that. Even college.

I'm not Jewish. You guys are attacking the wrong person. I'll tell you. It's hard down the hall. You're like, I'm on your side. Let's get him. I played video games like growing up with my boys.

We always, high school we used to play and then I stopped playing them because I, you know, you grow up, you get- You become an adult.

Yeah. But then the pandemic hit and I was like, let me just get, I bought a PlayStation. I bought MLB to show. So we started playing. We started League

but we stopped doing, in the League, we stopped doing the headset because it would just get too vicious. So we were just like, let's just play and then we'll talk after. After the game is done.

It's fucking adult, grown men. Yeah, adult. All of us in our 30s. We're like, fuck your mother. Yo, there's something about video game hours too.

Like, you can blow through six hours playing video games and it feels like it's been 45 minutes. Dude, during the pandemic, I mean, we were playing at least 10 hours. It's nuts. Dude, during the pandemic, I mean, we were playing

at least 10 hours. It's nuts. We had a baseball league, like a baseball tournament. It was like eight of us. So it's just, you play each other five times a season in the playoffs.

So it was just, and it was like, we had nothing else. I mean, I had no comedy. There was nothing. Some people went out. It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, some people went out and did podcasts. Yeah, it became successful, but I didn't do any of that. I played M.O.B. the show.

I got really good at that. Completely misread the whole thing. Again, you know. We're going to be telling you. Yeah, I lost on the pandemic. We be telling our grandkids, like, no, the pandemic was scary. People were dying. You couldn't go outside.

Like, what did you do? We played a lot. Yeah, I had a 1.7 ERA. That's what I had. That's what I had. Act your uncles about me. It sounds like it was great. No, it was awful.

It sounds awful. You're right. It was kind of awesome. If it wasn't for the widespread death. It was fucking fun, man. Right. Dude, and I had just moved into my own apartment, too, because there was no sports neither on TV. So you couldn't watch sports.

It's all we had. So we were playing it like it was actual. And then we found Twitch. So in Twitch, you could watch the other people play in our league. So it would be like a friend. Two of my friends are like, all right, we're going to play at eight. And then you'll put it on Twitch. You're like, all right.

And you're watching two of your friends play. Like it's real sports are your friends married and shit or single or what all of us all of us were not were single like one of us

one of them lived with his girl so that would always be a thing you'd hear in the background like why don't you grow up yeah I am an adult but yeah we were all like

just single dudes kind of just playing at home living alone during the pandemic no type of like God it was great yeah go outside tell fauji to let me yeah right not allowed i have to play video games 12 hours a day i'm sorry i have to fucking do it i mean in hindsight like it honestly obviously

in the time you're just so scared of like what's happening and every day you go on facebook you see somebody else lost somebody and so many people dying especially in new york so we weren't we didn't like realize what was what that time in our lives was that six months to a year and a half but in hindsight i'm like yo that was aside from all the other things that was like a cool time of just being kids yeah as adults all of a sudden just didn't have the government was just paying us i mean obviously if you lost your business and all that of course yes and you lost your life so but for the people who were just like it's like a snow day forever now yeah yeah and i completely lost my business i completely i mean i don't have an

actual business but i made no income for the whole time and i couldn't get money from the thing i was kind of just living off my savings yeah and even And even that, and I lost family members to COVID, but even that, still kind of fun. My family's dead. I got no money. But again, 1.7 ERA. Yeah, that was sick, dude. I did that with the Nationals, dude. Insane.

It's never been seen before. Insane. I made the World Series with the Nationals. That's fucking hilarious man So you picked up comedy Relatively late then huh If you were in law school Nah I mean I started when I was 20

Oh okay Right around that time Oh yeah I guess that makes sense Yeah yeah Yeah right around junior year I started And like I said I'm from New York

I went to school in Long Island SUNY Old Westbury But I used to come home In the summer And I came home The summer between junior And senior year And I just found

An open mic here In the city And I just went to it I just like wrote some jokes that I thought would be funny and I just went to it and then from performing I was like this is sick this is like were you always like uh the funny dude in your group that like people you know yeah yeah but you know like when you when you're in high school it kind of seems like especially if you're funny it seems like all your boys are funny too right like if you're funny it seems like everyone around you I always think I'm like all your boys are funny too. If you're funny, it seems like everyone around you is funny. I always think, I'm like, yo, my friends are the funniest people on the planet. Same.

I swear to God. But you think that and he thinks that. Same, same. I think people are funny. Same. And I appreciate, I went to school in Queens and it was a Catholic school and they were nationally ranked in basketball. It was Christ the King.

Oh, yeah. Basketball powerhouse. But mostly white school. But it was 2004 to 2008 like i appreciate the fact that like i remember going i remember in 2015 like when there was like an election cycle whatever i was like damn it's so crappy that like everything regardless of who you vote for i don't care but everything is like a race thing and i was like when i was in high school it was none of that like just in that bubble that we lived in it was no like the the

white girls would invite all the black kids to their sweet 16. At a white sweet 16, it would be a black table full of black basketball players. And it was fine. You never saw nothing. And I was like, damn, we got lucky that we got in before that. Because I was like, if I would have been in school during 2015 to 2020, I feel like it would not have been that smooth. I can't even imagine what schools are like if kids are media or even or get what's going on on social right right they're probably because you're kind of conditioned when you're so young i feel like especially in

new york i'm sure other places different in new york you see so many minorities so you're not like you don't have that just around it right life unless your parents like in grit embedded in you unless you got racist parents which a lot of us do which yeah sure which that's fair too but a lot of a lot of the kids were like oh that's my parent my parents are racist but like i kind of don't care you know it's kind of cool um but that was just such a fun time dude because like it would be like i would hang out with like the the white the whitest dude dude like there was i don't know if i should say that but there was a dude in my uh in my high school who in in hindsight, was a legit Nazi. Like, he was a real Nazi.

We would have so. House, I mean, he hated juice. No, like, dude, he was like a skinhead, like swastika tattoo. And you didn't know it at the time? What does this mean, in hindsight? Because I don't know. Like, like he was cool like he was just a cool dude yeah like he was a cool dude but like like looking back at it he hated jews blacks but he just pretended that he didn't i guess in school and he would just hang out like he would hang out with the black kids what happened

so then like you graduate and shit I remember graduating and then like kinda like and then you graduate and then you become like more aware

and then I remember like going back yeah I remember like going back on his like his Facebook and then you see him with like

with these like all skinheads with like swastikas like thing and I'm like that was my friend I'm like that that was my friend. I'm like, that's insane.

Bro, that is hilarious. Dude, I remember one time. I mean, I guess we got the worst judgment of people ever, bro. Well, I think the teachers, too, because the teachers could have been better at, like, hey, this guy. Like, I understand he's trying to be fair, but this guy is clearly not. Like, I had a Derek Vineyard tattoo. You're like, I understand he's trying to be fair, but this guy is clearly not. Like the guy that did Derek Vineyard tattoo. You're like, I think he might have been. Dude, I remember.

He kept it pretty secret. I remember being like 15 years old and this dude like talking to me and being like, yeah, like, you know, like the Holocaust, they're exaggerating about that. Like there wasn't as many as they're saying. And I'm like, all right. You know, I didn't know like that was like a talking point. for them and i'm like but looking back i'm like this is insane this dude was like he hated me everywhere like he hated everyone but he i mean he did a great job of like pretending that like this is the best argument i've ever heard where i you know the the trope the like when someone gets caught doing something racist like i have black friends and everyone's like that's not a reason that's not a proof you're not racist. I was like, well, kind of. And now I'm second-guessing that.

Not only did he have black friends, but he kind of catered toward them. He would give them stuff. He gave us free train rides. Yeah, he was like, count on me. Whatever you need, count on me. I got you. It's one thing with old people. When you're young and a Nazi, man.

I know a guy who's a doctor. Oh, yeah? You and Goebbels? So this guy, they had a Zoom convention for all the doctors in their field. And this old dude turned his fucking screen on and had a full-blown red fucking swastika flag just hanging in his living room. Yeah. And everyone was like, like, you know,

Dr. Smith, you need to turn your camera off. And I'd also probably leave the Zoom and maybe the industry as well. What was this? Crazy. Yeah, it was like... Did he forget that he had that? I guess so.

Or he didn't realize his camera was on or whatever. Just so part of my day-to-day life. I forget these things sometimes. Yeah, like I guess, yeah, it just blends in. Like, oh, that's a Nazi flag. But he was like 1,000 years old. Yeah. And it's like, I get how that can happen.

But the young kid? Jesus. Dude, I mean, I think we were just too naive to it. And the teachers didn't do a good job of being like, hey, this kid is not. Yo, those teachers were going home going, baby, I got to tell you something. Yeah. In my history class, there's a fucking Nazi. He's being weirdly nice.

The nicest Nazi ever. Dude, it's insane. It's like really insane when I think about it. Like how. Do you know where he's at now? No. Probably, I mean, in jail for January 6th. I don't know. I don't know where he's at now no probably i mean in jail for january 6th i don't know what he's doing because he's outside the courthouse right now

dude i don't know what happened to him but i remember speaking to my boys later like i don't know why we were just so naive because it was a catholic school so i guess we would it was just kind of like a love fest like oh cool but i remember talking to my boys later like this too and they were like yeah i think he was there is something about back then and i don't know if it's the time period or just the age maybe this happens for everybody but like you're just not thinking yeah don't think about any of this shit yeah unless you have parents who are really educating you or teachers who are really talking about it you're just like you're not i don't know i don't like that guy because he's like

a dick to me on the playground then i do like that guy because we like the same sports you also you know you're you're so impressionable that like if one person tells you something like you got out with you you were lucky to be like okay about the Holocaust thing yeah I had a buddy you could have been a Nazi too yeah

I had a buddy who taught me who should not have taught me because I didn't listen but he showed me was it spare change? yeah loose change loose change and I went home

and I like told him I was like mom and dad this is yeah have you heard about this shit? this is some crazy shit going down in the government. They're like, what are you fucking doing? Go to your room.

Now it's the opposite. Now the parents believe in the change. And the kids have to be like, get off the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get off the internet, mom and dad. It is wild that it happened with the parents where it's like your whole life those parents were the same people who were like, be careful on the internet. There's strangers on the internet.

People lie on the internet, blah and then like you went home for thanksgiving in college and you're like yeah what happened to all the lessons you taught my parents facebook really took over them my parents got scammed out of some money recently really and they were like we got hacked i was like you motherfuckers didn't get hacked yeah you gave up your information to the wrong person yeah i was this is somebody like a true blue scam and they're like okay here's here's the bank account yeah it's like that's not getting hot yeah i mean they just they just see the facebook they just believe like every news story that came up on facebook the devil dude yeah it is i've i've like separated my i

just assume everything's a lie now yeah and that's like the best way it really is like just everything's a lie but don't get till proven the best way it really is like just everything's a lie but don't get till proven real yeah it's the way to operate don't tell my accountant that yesterday i need your information i was like i haven't noticed the emails like like you need to talk to me i don't trust anyone else is this the deep state yeah i know what you did on 9-11 dude my account hit me with she had like i'm gonna see how many exclamation points they were in it. It was like, we need your fucking stuff.

We've sent you four. I was going to say, you cut it close, brother. It was four. John, we still need your tax documents. My account, your assistant sent an email then. He ghosted me. Yeah, he told me he was on vacation, and then I ran into him at the supermarket. I swear, the same day.

The same day that he sent me an email saying he was on vacation, I ran into him at the supermarket. I swear the same day The same day That he sent me an email Saying he was on vacation I ran into him At the supermarket Like I saw him And then I hid Because I didn't want Things to be weird Between us So like I saw him

And I went Into like the other thing That is That is how You fit in right Perfectly Like most people Would be like

Excuse me What the fuck Instead I'm like Oh my god that guy Is such a piece of shit liar I gotta hide Yeah I gotta hide And then you protect Then he comes back I'm like how was my God, that guy is such a piece of shit liar. I got to hide. Yeah, I got to hide. And then you protect.

Then he comes back. I'm like, how was your vacation? So you did run into him? Yeah. No, I saw him. But then I left. You didn't have any. But then weeks later, I'm like, oh, are you back from vacation?

And you went along with it? Yeah. I mean, I needed my taxes done. I can't start over. That is fucking great. One thing that's weird to me is even with that dude in high school, like how because he used to hang out with us and it was fine like and i went to catholic school but there was there was catholics there was jewish people there was there was like a mixture of everything obviously mostly catholic but he used to hang out with everyone and

not have a problem with anyone so how do you like go to school and see everyone being cool and then go home and be like yeah but i hate him yeah i mean that's that that's some weird parenting shit going on yeah like if you almost feel bad when it's a kid like that because someone's putting that in his brain for sure but now like dude like i remember i mean now he would just have been kicked out of school now yeah i remember why this is like early facebook days i remember he would have pictures like of him in his basement with like skinheads and guns like big guns here in new york yeah he just put it on facebook bro yeah and that's like that's that's an abrequel to columbia right that's insane insane like it would never have it would never slide now i mean back then it would be like crazy

fun yeah well zany old yeah yeah timmy or whatever yeah i feel like i i just didn't think about anything back then it was just i didn't i't, and I still don't really know. I'm not very informed about politics. And as far as like, I don't know, foreign relations and what other countries are doing, it's like, I know whatever they taught me in the history books at school. And I'm not saying that's a good thing to go through life just being like an ignorant dummy. Yeah. But, you know, the people people out here it's almost like because

there's almost such such fake so much fake shit out there it's like people trying to be informed and learn it's like you're you're almost the worst because you're reading propaganda and fake shit and it's like yeah if you want to get like real you gotta like jailbreak your phone if you want to get like real news how do you learn now you can't trust the news you can't trust the articles you read even the books that like it's like who out here is telling the truth fucking nobody yeah nobody which like i mean it's just what it is now which if you embrace it it's kind of nice you could just make up your own reality that's almost what people used to do is just like i married this person we live in this bubble

Here's our beliefs But that's just it We don't fuck with other people We need a lot more ignorance and segregation Everybody just stay to their own shit Vote for me 2024 Separate but equal Dude I travel it's so funny like i travel all over the country and

every time like every time i meet people like 99 of the time no matter what their political views are what they think like people generally are cool like in person bro it's the internet it's the fucking computers in the internet like in person yeah even if you disagree it's even if they're a nazi apparently it's cool i met a full q anon lady a full she was like a waitress at a club and she was full q anon and she was like spewing her q anon stuff but i was like but she's nice yeah she's nice she's like can i get you anything else biden is an alien i'm like give me a vodka soda it is almost like kind of like

we were talking about earlier with like the fucking boxing and shit we're like you know like in congress and shit

we disagree I'm gonna make a speech tonight and I'm gonna motherfuck you pretty good oh in congress for sure

but then tomorrow you'll get on fucking MSNBC I'll get on Fox News and then guess what we all write our books we all do our

speaking engagements. And we all just fucking make all this money. I'd be impressed sometimes because I was a political science major. When you find these political movers and shakers who have to... They do something and they have to go on TV and defend it with a straight face.

They don't laugh. The interviewer's looking at them like, are you serious? They're the greatest actors on the planet. They're fun around. A whole boy from Long Island, George Santos, the guy who's lying about literally everything. His race, his sexuality, his fucking job, his politics. All of it is a lie. Every single thing is a lie.

And he's just back up at congress the next day like i'm here for work did you see his his mets video no bro this guy no it is the most awkward i think lying for yourself is okay it's like i can see that but when you have to lie for somebody else just because you know the job that's waiting for you when they get elected yeah that's funny bro this is him on opening day trying to like rep rep the team who was ever let's go mad it's like reading off a teleprompter good old-fashioned let's go mad i love this guy i can't get enough of him we should get him on the show i bet we can get this motherfucker on the podcast for sure he's open to anything i don't

even care about him because he's just like whatever maybe he's out of his mind where he lives in his own world yeah but he has a chief of staff who studied politics and it's like a legitimate scholar probably who worked their way up and they have to defend this like they sign up for like he said what okay that's one of those things that like reminds me of veep where they have like there's like dan egan and there's amy uh whatever her name is yeah but like they'll they'll have like kids like because they're two chiefs of staff if you haven't seen the show. And they'll be like, I'm not taking the job to be Jonah's chief of staff. Think about it.

If you lose, of course you lost. Who cares? If you get Jonah Ryan elected. You're the greatest of all time. You have any job you want. I'm a good point. If you can make George Santos successful at all, you're a fucking wizard. Yeah, that's what they do.

They don't last long. Secretary of do. They don't last long. Secretary of Press, they don't last long. They'll just do a year, and then they'll go and make half a million dollars working for whatever corporation just because you're like, oh, I used to defend Trump. Right. We want you. You're crazy. I almost want to interview Santos and treat him like it's all real. So tell me about your mom dying on 9-11.

And that's after your grandparents died in the about your mom dying on 9-11. And that's after your grandparents died in the Holocaust? Oh my god. Jesus. Checks off all the boxes. It's comical, man. And it's all a lie. And all of it is a lie. He said his mom died on 9-11.

And then he has a tweet on December 23rd saying it's the anniversary of my mom's death. He said his grandparents either died or escaped the holocaust just flat out not true he uh he said he worked for goldman sachs never happened he said and what did he say when people ask him i don't i don't know chief of staff probably i don't know if i've seen any interviews or anything where people flat out confront him yeah because that's another move is like you could just lie and when you do interviews be like don't bring this up. Yeah. Yeah.

And people just agree to that. Yeah. And they'll just be like alright. Yeah. Cool. Yo. I hate like

we'll do it now and then for a guest where it's like don't talk about my divorce don't talk about this scandal and I'm kind of like alright I want to get you for this interview so okay.

But in what world do you get to just do some fucked up shit and they'll be like don't talk about it? And everyone's like, okay. That sounds good. Why?

Because I don't want you to. Yeah, because I'm going to lie. If you do, I will tell you it didn't happen anyway. And a lie, yeah. That's pretty sick, though. If you think about when your celebrity is so big, you get to choose what to speak to. So dope.

Yeah, that's pretty cool you just be like hey don't bring that up man i lied about that or even if you do it's just like it doesn't matter we've seen the most important people get caught in the most compromising situations and doing the most foul shit yeah and they just go like nah that's not a big deal let me talk to you about this though yeah and people just you know some people will yell about it but more people will ride with you it's just if there's one thing that like trump and that whole era taught me whether it wouldn't matter what your politics are it's like just stick to your story and fucking keep going yeah and people have enough people

riding with you that doesn't matter you know that's i mean that was not no it doesn't you could just keep talking like you could just keep talking just keep saying things and. And eventually, people's brains are like, what did I ask? Yes. You just keep saying things. Because you know what it is? It's like 90% of people are fucking stupid. Yeah. So, you know, 10% will.

You blame it on Hillary. It's like, you just got everything. But the emails. It's like, yeah. And you're like, I guess email. Yeah. My emails. It's amazing, man.

It's great, though. It's naked till you make it, dude. Yeah. It's very American. Yeah. It really is... It's amazing, man. It's great, though. It's naked till you make it, dude. Yeah. It's very American. Yeah. It really is. That's our culture. That's our shit right there.

Yeah. Liars. If you can separate yourself from the political things about it and look at it objectively, this is pretty interesting. You're just completely lying. Oh, the whole foundation is... And you're wearing a suit. You're wearing a...

You're not like us. We're lying. They're like, all right, whatever. He's got this. You look like a liar. Yeah, he's got us wearing wearing a suit. You're not like us. We're lying. They're like, all right, whatever. You look like a liar. Yeah, he's wearing a full suit. Fucking hilarious, dude. This ad is brought to you by Original Penguin. The brand you wear for good times.

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shop the spring summer collection right now originalpenguin.com go get it uh so you got um a special on hbo max yes it's called romantic comedy it's on HBO that's great yeah I saw um I saw the clip of you talking about how meeting people online is now like the norm yeah yeah which I think is you know there's some humor in that but there also is some truth where it's like you do everything else on the internet you find you do all your shopping get all your information right or wrong yeah why would you also not find the people you want to fuck or date you know sure yeah that's like an old bit i did on the tonight show like the first time i did it and there was like in 2019 but i remember like writing that like

in 2016 where at that time like tinder had came out like years before and it was still new so you would ask people in the audience like how'd you meet and they would be like kind of embarrassed to say it but then i saw it like change where there like, how'd you meet? And they would be like kind of embarrassed to say it. But then I saw it like change where they was like, how'd you meet? And they were like Tinder. Like now they got like empowered, like Tinder. That's where I meet people. I'm Tinder, I'm normal. So I kind of, that's how like that bit came.

But then I was thinking about it. I'm like, also meeting online is also in a way, I find it more safe than meeting somebody in person. Like to go to a bar meet a stranger not get their instagram their facebook their tiktok you don't know nothing about them and go home that's crazy yo the amount of of girls who would just go out and be like let's get intoxicated yeah lower our guard yeah and let strangers hit on us and potentially fuck them right i didn't even know women were doing that i was watching law and order i thought that i thought they weren't doing it but then in new york you find

out they are doing like they were they were doing that but it's like at least you meet online you get their instagram you see what pictures yeah you see what they like you can scout you can see what they follow they have if like if you meet somebody they got a lot of followers you can be like okay well some people like them right yeah a little bit of proof right a little bit i mean if you you're at a bar and it's just like i like the way you look that's really it i like the way you look and i like that you can talk to me for like the first five minutes i'll go have sex with that person that's crazy yeah it's way more normal to be like let me read all these questions that you answered yes i get to message you a few times then maybe we meet you know whatever yeah like you could go to a bar you

could go to any bar wearing a suit and be like i'm the chief of staff for whoever and be like i know he is yeah yeah he said it might be true yeah i remember when i was like crazy how fast it changed but i remember when i was in high school our athletic trainer was a very pretty woman and she met her very pretty husband very pretty, very attractive handsome, whatever the fuck you want to call him I want to fuck the guy, that's what I'm saying and they met on Match

and in high school we whispered about it they're internet people they met on Match.com they're two fucking beautiful people. The fuck are they doing meeting on Match.com? And then now, I bet 0% of the people who were weird about that then have met

their significant other. I don't know anybody who even... Most of my friends are wifed up, but I don't even know of any of them. Let's go out and get chicks tonight. You know what i mean like let's i mean that's like illegal in some states to leave your house saying you're gonna sleep with what you can't do that you'll lose your career for that if they find out that's what you were trying to do you gotta be like nope i'm just going to this bar to just i enjoy taylor swift and i

and i'm just here for a good time whatever happens happens I like that no it's definitely different the uh so what what if like you got the special yeah are you doing podcasts are you doing like what what else yeah I got I got the special um uh been been uh promoting it it came out in November last November all over the city yeah I was on the billboard that was pretty cool yeah that was pretty cool um I was trying to like like point girls in the direction like you're talking to like somebody in the street and you're like oh look look at this they're like i don't know i can't tell who that is it's filtered this doesn't look like you at all um no yeah but so yeah so i did this i did especially then i you know i did like the cool

podcast run i was like a like a dude i i ran away from podcast because i was always like i speak too freely and i was like i'm just gonna get canceled and then it's gonna have some trouble yeah it's gonna get canceled but then i did like a bunch of them and they were always cool like people were cool like i always have fun um so now i'm on tour like touring again like trying to get the new uh hour together for whatever and uh i'm starting my own podcast that's gonna drop i think in a couple weeks it's called yeah the adulthood podcast just me and my boy kind of just talking shit uh giving women advice you know that it's like we're the anti-that but it's so much like this guy is just

like men giving women advice and then you look at him and you're like i don't think you got women yeah i think this is just kind of like yo the amount again of people lying i uh my divorce lawyer was telling me he's representing some guy yeah who's online as a uh like a self-help guru yeah economic blah blah blah who says he's worth nine figures. Yeah. And he's like, I've seen his net worth. It's like $80,000. Yeah. What is it? How much is he having Bitcoin?

You know, can't knock the hustle. I get it. You got to represent yourself in a certain way. But, like, you're saying you're worth hundreds of millions and you have $80,000. Yeah. Bro, you got to take out a loan to get a Lexus. Like, that's crazy. And there's enough people out there that probably believe him.

I mean, maybe not if he's only worth $80,000. But, like, god damn, you can just lie to the maximum. You just start lying so much you believe it, though. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. That's the thing. Like, you do it every day. You to believe like what the thing like we i literally started podcast because we would send it to each other we would laugh because it's like boat is two sides like there's like a group of men that are like telling women like listen you ladies need

to behave this way you need to let men cheat you need to cook for them every night you need to love it and then there's another group of men that are like when a woman's ready to be loved you need to cook for them every night you need to love it and then there's another group of men that are like when a woman's ready to be loved you need to man up and become the man she really needs so it's like you're both doing two characters like there's more nuance in there yeah like there's there's a middle like regular fucking person right yeah be normal this shit's so fucking weird yeah it is it's crazy and the amount of advice that's being given in the first place like who the fuck are you right it's just like who are you it's literally who are you and then you see like women don't share the ones that they like and then the men will share the ones that they like but the women is like i mean the man ones who are preaching the women they're like when a

man's ready to love you he'll give you his entire check when he comes home if a man isn't giving you his entire check then he just doesn't love you. And then I see my friends, my woman friends, they'll post it like, facts. And I'm like, of course you say that. Yeah,

and then there's my boys are like, women should accept that a man is going to have many mistresses. And he's like, facts. I love it. Is there no middle? I love the one dude who went viral not too long ago who was just like if you don't have a Lamborghini by the time you're 25 you're a fucking bum yeah what are we talking about man

like a lamb like nobody has a Lamborghini literally nobody Alexis but a Lamborghini if you have a Lexus by the time you're 25 you are in the 1% yeah you are a super overachiever fucking Lambo yeah they say like that like you need to have your Lamborghini

and at least three or four properties all around the world you know what I love too the this it always pops up every now and then

like the would you rather have a dinner with somebody yeah a dinner with Jay Z or a dinner with fucking you fucking Jeff Bezos or whatever, or like $500,000 or a million dollars or whatever it is. People will be taking the dinner.

Like, I don't get that. Yeah, no, it's fucking insane. Like, the knowledge that you'll gain. I'm like, you know what fucking Jay-Z would say at dinner? Nothing. He's eating dinner and just being like, who the fuck are you? I could do – You should have taken the $500,000.

First order of business as jay-z if someone ever offers you just five hundred thousand dollars for nothing you take it i could do a full six month internship with jay-z and at the end of that internship i will have no idea how to make money i would just walk away like i don't know what i learned i'm like we'll do this video in a minute after the podcast we have a show called answer the internet it's all these hypothetical questions we ask and one of them is like would you rather a million dollars or go back to 18 but you you have all the same knowledge you have now that's like i mean i would do a couple things differently but for the most part that doesn't help me a million i can't go back i can't go back in time and just know what do you think i would because i know because i knew people because i knew t know. What do you think I would have done? Because I know things. Because I knew TikTok was coming.

You think I would have created TikTok? They say things like, well, you would know about the iPhone. It's like, well, I can't make the iPhone. I could go to someone and say, you know what we need? There's a phone that has a screen and a this and a that. I sound like an insane person. I mean, for me. You're always going to be on this.

And it takes pictures. And you go on the internet. And there's a social media where everyone hates Angel Reese or Caitlin Clark. What are you talking about? Chinese kids are dancing. They're like Chinese kids. They don't let them have kids. When you were 18.

The only way I would win is I would know who won championships. I would just bet the house on that. The only thing you do is gamble. Was that 2017? Yeah. I don't remember really. It's just silly the house on that. The only thing you do is gamble. That's the only way. Was that 2017? Yeah. I don't remember really. It's just silly questions to create dialogue. That's what we'll do in a minute.

But it is funny how people get so fucking serious about a dinner with Jay-Z. I mean, yeah, listen. It would be cool to go to dinner with Jay-Z. It's just not worth $500,000. I know people who have went to dinner with Jay-Z and they were like, we just had dinner. Like I said, you ordered the wine. Yeah, he would be like, oh, man, this fucking chicken parm is great like what could he possibly tell you like he's worth billions of dollars you're worth zero like what advice talking to smart people doesn't do a

goddamn thing to bring it all full circle just like accept it you're gonna lose man big time yo if you accept you're gonna lose you, you have no expectations. You can never really fail. Yeah, but try. Don't try. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't,

I'm a very, I've always lived like the life of like snake it till you make it and try to finesse it. But that doesn't mean just don't try and be a fucking bum. No, no, you try. Making an effort is enough. Yeah.

Make all the effort and then embrace your loss when you fail. My man, embrace mediocrity. I love it. I got that tatted on my chest. So the special's out on HBO Max. Yeah, special's out. Romantic Comedy is on HBO.

I got a bunch of stuff on YouTube. And Adulthood is out in a couple weeks. Yeah, my Comedy Central half hour on YouTube. My Tonight Show set's on YouTube. The Adulthood podcast coming in a couple weeks. Thank you guys for having me.

This was super fun. Super fun. We gotta have you on the next podcast too. Oh yeah, for sure. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.