KFC Radio - Russell Crowe || Ryan Sickler on His Near-Deadly Health Issues

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:00:29 Ryan almost died 00:03:04 Walking the streets as a woman vs a man 00:12:09 Male coaches for kids teams 00:17:50 Ryan was a Manny 00:24:21 The trials and tribulations of parenting 00:36:28 Lefty's Son special 00:42:35 Girl dad things 00:50:27 Crabfeast Podcast 01:07:30 Video Voicemails 01:42:24 Russell Crowe Interview ++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to barstool.link/drinkpiratewater to find pirate water in a location near you Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://barstool.link/GametimeApp, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Barstool Store: Shop now at https://store.barstoolsports.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Don't ask me for any details, but if we were going to do a second one, we wanted to call it Nice Guys. Bang. Right. you I had kidney stones and he put me on bed rest because I was fucked. Wait, let's just dive right into it then. I've been talking about this so much, but I will. Yeah, no, all right, if you don't want to, but I just... My legs clotted, both of them clotted.

And I was like, what the fuck's going on with my body? And then they were like, you might have cancer, leukemia. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. And then six months later, they find out I have this genetic blood disorder. So this time I was armed with that knowledge. Your parents fucked you again, man. Don't fucking let me clock. I have this shit.

Don't fucking let this happen to me. And they let it fucking happen. Really? Wow. That's fucking crazy. Dude, it was call your fucking daughter's mother and talk to her about your life insurance. And like it was there. I had to call family and I had to call.

I called my producer. I go, hey, I started good. I was like, just want you to know some shit's going down here. But you might want to put a resume together. I was like, I'll give you a reference. I'm still alive. Here's my signature. Just copy that.

You did so good. Yo, that's crazy that happened the the clotting happened to my grandfather and you seem to be totally intact so that's good um but they had to lop off limbs like he came he came and he was like missing toes feet and hands it is like that like it's they're like you've got about a 48 hour window of touch and go any clock and then they're like you could have a stroke and i'm like what i hadn't even considered so i had a new rule my dry erase board was do not tell me anything that could happen and stop telling me i'm getting out of here today yeah yeah because three days turned into eight to nine to thirty you were in

the hospital from i laid on my back the whole time. Because that's like a blood thing? Well, that was just them coming in. And also, I had the surgery on my back. And then you lay on your back. So I'm just in physical therapy now. I can't lift more than 10 pounds. I'll talk about this.

Neither can I. I'll talk about this on the podcast. Because I feel vulnerable, especially out on the streets. Yeah, I'm sure. If any shit breaks out, I don't, I feel vulnerable, especially out on the streets. Yeah, I'm sure. If any shit breaks out, I can't run. Right. I mean, I'm not fast now anyway, but I still can't hustle away. I can't, I don't feel like I could defend myself.

Yeah. Like I could, you know, I could give you a go and then I'm going to be in the hospital for two fucking years. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I feel weird walking the streets like that. That's a hard, I mean, I guess it's an extreme case with you but like when you're getting older and you start to

feel that shit that's a weird also i talk to the ladies and they tell me i feel like this all the time and it dawned on me like every they're like every man could take me and then i was like oh good point until a woman said that to me and this was in the last five years. She's like, do you fear any man that walks by on the street? I'm like, no, I don't. Like, anytime a guy, unless it's a shady situation. Yeah. If I'm just walking down the street, I don't fear this fucking man right here.

But she's like, imagine being a woman knowing that that dude could take you. And I was like, oh, my God, what a world you live in. My uncle had that revelation fairly recently. They were walking out of the mall, him, his a world you live in. My uncle had that revelation fairly recently. They were walking out of the mall, him, his wife, and his daughter. And his wife was like, Andy, come here. And they were walking, they were in a parking garage. And she's like, Andy, over here.

And they were walking in the middle. And he's like, why are you guys walking over there? And she's like, so people can't hide behind the car and grab us. And he's like, I never thought of that. Yeah, just shit you do not think about. And then I have an eight-year-old daughter and I'm like, man, I got to fucking teach you that. I wouldn't have thought that. I would have been like, why are you worried about this guy walking? And they're like, oh, yeah, because just genetically that man can overpower you in any given moment.

And kill you. Yeah, and they decide to do it. One of my favorite tweets is like, I think it was Kumail Nanjiani, where it was like, I forget who it was, but it was like men, if they could switch into a woman's bodies, I'd figure myself with everything.

Women, if they could switch into a man's body, I'd go for a run at night wearing headphones. Yeah, right. That's true. Just walk wherever I want at any time of the day i don't think i can't think that yet like there's a plan you know where i'm gonna be how i'm gonna get it resonates even harder with me now being walking down the street and thinking like anybody could fucking push me there's an extra element of like not that anybody of none of us are fucking action heroes here.

We're not pro athletes or anything like – we're specimens to begin with. But there is some level of like as a dude, as a guy, as a man, you think like, all right, I'm not going to like win the fight or I'm not going to be the fucking star or whatever but I can handle myself. And then just as you get older and shit goes wrong or whatever, you're like, no, that's not really... And as a man, too, you also, these days, you've got to look for that cauliflower ear. Yeah, yeah. That guy's got that cauliflower ear.

You just don't fuck with that guy. If you're like 5'5", I don't fuck with you. Because chances are you knew that your whole life and hated that, so you're in. A little and hated that and you so you're in little tasmanian you're in yeah you're evolved to five five yeah i'm all set yeah there's like a you know like if you're six five i'm not fucking you for obvious reasons you're five five i'm not

fucking you in between you know five eight will scrap otherwise i'm that way like are we going yeah okay we are um i grew up in baltimore and Maryland, just the state, it's an angry state. I've been in so many fucking fistfights, a lot sports-related, a lot not sports-related. It's like sports-related for like you were in a game or you were leaving a game? In a game. I've been jumped after a game. Are we talking about playing or rooting for a fan? No, we're talking about playing.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would play indoor soccer. We got kicked out of every indoor soccer arena in Maryland. We played outdoor soccer in February. That's how bad it got. We were fighting everybody. But we never started.

We never started. But if you fucking wanted some, there were at least four of us on the team. There were about eight other pussies. But there were four of us that were like, you want to fuck around and find out? I'm telling you, we're coming. So we had played this one team. It was an indoor soccer team. And actually, we were the next to go.

We were watching them play. And they were just such arrogant assholes. And we were standing on the sideline. They're talking shit to us. And we're like, we'll see you in two weeks motherfucker two weeks is our our night to dance so we go down my dad's alive at this time i'm 16 i have my learner's permit i drove us there and um this guy comes up to me we play and we beat him and the dude comes up to me and he's like why don't we step outside and i was was like, let's fucking go. I give my dad my bag and my dad just says,

be careful. Talking to all the other parents. I go outside not realizing it's a whole fucking trap. They had all their friends in cars. So he and I start going at it and I get on top of him and I'm just fucking going. And then I hear car doors close

and I just feel something beating the back of my head. I don't – you know, your adrenaline is rushing so much. I just feel pressure. I don't know what it is. And then all of a sudden I feel like blood going – and then I see everybody come out. The parents start going at it. Dude, they called the – parents are beating the shit out of each other.

I've seen parents throw kids across the hood of a car and shit. I went to my car. I had a lacrosse stick in it. I got that out. I just started beating whoever I could with it, and then we just got the fuck out of there before the police came. As we're driving, I touch my head, and it is just gushing. It's gushing, and it's gashed like that deep.

It's still a gnarly little scar back there. But there's been a lot of good fights for indoor soccer. Everybody talks shit about soccer players. Not down in Baltimore. Not in Dew Burns Arena, motherfucker. You better come ready, bro. You better come ready. They are not fucking around down there. It is crazy the extent, you said the parents got involved.

Like parents getting involved. I don't have kids, so I can't really imagine that emotion. But now that I'm starting to go to things, it's crazy. It's pretty regular. It's crazy. How often – You're right. But like I'm saying, now that I've been to a couple of things, my kids are still small.

So maybe when you get to high school and shit where you're into it a little more. But I'm like – I think about that because I'm like, how fucking nuts would it be if right now I started a fist fight with someone? But I guess people – At a kid's game at a fucking kid's game dude i was at um my stepson's basketball game he had they had this kid on his his team this is man when he was like i'm not kidding you he's he's 18 19 now but he was like eight or nine they called this kid baby shack he was like he was taller than me i'm 5 10 he was at least six foot in like in like elementary school he wore like a size 14 like he was like he was taller than me i'm 5 10 he was at least six foot in like in like elementary school he wore like a size 14 like he was that kid right and they would just tell him to stand

there and take a lot of like if these kids the other team would tell him to get in front of him and take a block and charge these kids like fuck that hell no yeah um because he's like my size now and in like fifth grade you know what i mean like just that one so this one game i'm watching and this kid this little white kid slides over in front of him and tries to stop but he doesn't and baby shack runs this fucking kid let's get right to the ground and their whistles are blowing and the ref's honest he's like he he was moving it's a fucking right you know that's the block yeah this fucking dad assume it's his dad runs out of the fucking stands now my my stepson's coach was a great coach he was loud though and

people confuse loud often with aggressive or ass but he was he would be like the guy like good hustle good hustle he's just loud it was all positive but it was fucking loud yeah and people didn't like the volume and this dude runs up and gets in this coach's fucking fate i'm like oh shit he's right there and that coach is you think he's a hothead but he fucking held his cool did the right because he was also an after-school teacher and stuff did the right thing they escort this dad out i'm like man that kid's dad and that guy's like i'm his dad like, what? This is a random dude in an elementary school game ran out and got the rest of the face. They kicked him out of the fucking gym. He's just a fan of the Pelicans.

He was a fan. He's like, hey, man, I like the fucking art form of basketball, dude. He fucking, yeah, some random guy was like, that's bullshit. Got up to this coach's face. He's not even part of anything. Just a random dude in an elementary school basketball game had money on the game put that guy on every list

all of the lists I played hockey growing up and I always thought that it made more sense that hockey dads were always mad in a running theory hockey dads are like the 70s they're drinking in the stands they're leaning over the boards screaming at kids and i always got it more for them because like we did

make him get up at three o'clock this morning like it's a little more understandable how my kids don't even know that hockey exists because of that shit the price the rink time all that shit hockey's out of sport kids but we we had one time where we were we were probably might squirts like a really really young league and the parents had gotten so nuts. It was at JFK Arena in Barnstable. And they had to have the police come and escort us out. The kids, because the crowd had gotten so nuts.

And parents are throwing water bottles and fucking cans. I was a literal child. I was like, what the fuck is that? You've got to be a colossal loser. Segura told me a story about his high school football team when they were in

Florida and they would go play this other rival high school team. And they would have fan buses that would come over. And then they would go, the police would go on the fan bus and they come off with like six handguns. What? Before they went into the fucking cage. They just pulled handguns off the bus.

Like, nah, you can't go in there. High school. Come on, man. Come on now. It is a different time. Like, I'm 50 now, and I grew up with Little League. Our Little League coach smoked in your face. Like, he would have his name was Al.

He was a young. Now that I look back, he's probably 28, 29. Yeah, yeah. I thought he's a man. You thought he's the most, like, authoritative figure in the world. He was a rover now that I look back he's probably 28 29 I thought he was a man he thought he was the most authoritative figure in the world dark fucking glasses

hip chain wallet and he'd have a cigarette just hanging right here and he'd get behind and teach you how to bunt and stuff and he'd be like why aren't you doing it

and I'm like because your fucking cigarette is burning the shit out of my eyes bro that's why dude you could never have a coach right now

smoking and teaching kids anything we had I had like a very shit out of my eyes bro that's why dude you could never have a coach right now smoking oh my god teaching kids anything we had that's like i had like a very very similar story i was little league i played for the rays north park massachusetts fall river and i had this a husband and wife coach the team the weirdest weird that's bizarre that's weird let me get weirder no kids on the i was just about to ask did al have a kid on the team. I was just about to ask. Did Al have a kid on the team? No, he did not. No, you coach a team with no connections? It is weird. You better run the league or something.

Especially children. If you're just a volunteer for kids, bro. Parents, too? What is his name? They're definitely dead by now. Bro, I saw how they both lived. They're both dead. Dude, and also, he'd get on the mound and throw BP and stuff like that, but he had fucked up his arm when he was younger, so he could only submarine pitch.

So he's throwing knuckle trackers at the fucking kids. Kent Colby out there. The quiz. He's Dan Quinsenberry out on the hill. We're like, what the fuck is going on this is nuts was he good though was he accurate with yeah he was fucking nice dude i went over on the guy my whole career and uh and then but then like in games, actual games, if I'd ever strike out, I'd get – I'd – they –

was always, like, really, like, hey, it's all right, all right. And I would hang my head like this and walk the dog out. And she's like, no, it's okay. It's okay. That – she had a meeting with my parents. She told my parents, like, I think he's got real self-esteem issues. You should get him to therapy. So my parents put me in therapy at, like, a really young age i'm like i don't know i'm a little like little league i'm like

what the fuck am i here for this is so stupid and finally my parents are like well it's your self-esteem issues i was like what are you talking about and like when you strike out you hang your head really low and confront us about it and we've noticed it i was like that's what this is all about had the meanest the meat like like bro whatever you're envisioning it's a million times worse gingivitis like her teeth were yo when she got you were looking at her tits or something no when she got jacked up when she was like angry or yelling her teeth would bleed like you like they like her teeth were like vascular i don't know what was wrong with it. Maybe we'll bleep out there in real time. Or we'll research the obituaries.

You still have new teeth smiling. Anyone from Fall River knows who I'm talking about. This couple just worked North Park for, like, years. And, like, it would be bleeding, and it was the most horrific breath you could ever imagine in your life. And I was like, that's what this is all about. My parents were like, oh, you don't need to use therapy get me out of this fucking therapy nonsense you go to your kid's team that's not yours i mean like

the biggest the red flags especially like it's an interesting thing because a married couple they have to sit down and have that conversation. Like what do you think about us coaching a little? And then the other one is going, that's a great idea. I cannot envision that scenario at all. That's like did you lose a bet? Yeah, who do you think brings it up? What's crazier?

Is the wife bringing the idea up or the wife being – I guess maybe the wife being like, I'll do it too. And the husband is probably just coming up with something to get out of the house. Dude, I was going to say. You're going to come along with me? Great. I think I'm starting to get it a little bit. I'm getting healthy. I've been trying to lose a little summer weight.

And so like the weekends, I get up at like 7, 7.30, 8, latest. Like what do I do all day. What do I do all day? What do I do all day? Bro, I'm so bored. I'm thinking about having a kid. Okay. That's fine. But has coaching Little League crossed my fucking mind?

I'm having a kid so I can coach Little League. I'm going to adopt a nine-year-old. One time he applied to be a big brother, and they said no. What? You got turned down. For what? Just for being him. Self-esteem.

For your self-esteem. It wasn't quite big brother, but it was a big brother type program in Brooklyn. And they were just like, where did you graduate college? I was like, I didn't. They were like, I think we're all set. That was it? And that was it. I had gotten inspired by it because my cousin did it.

And his kid – That's so good, man. That's so funny. My cousin did it for like seven years. His kid goes to Emory now. And he would do schoolwork with him. And I was like, all right. I just went to New York.

I was looking for shit to do. I was bored. But I do bad things when I'm bored. And I just applied. And they were just like, well. I was like, there's no bad things when I'm bored. And I just applied, and they were just like, well. I was like, there's no way whoever else is worse than me. Like, you're intentionally getting kids with no hope, and you're telling me it's worse. You could damage them.

But you're a podcaster without a college degree? Yeah, we're all set free. I got a job as a mani in college. No way. I sometimes forget about this. So my dad had died when I was 16. My mom was already gone from our family. It's just me and my two brothers from 16 on, right?

How old are they again? I have a twin who's a fraternal twin. He's also the same age, 50 now. At the time, we're all 16. He was like 13 my younger brother's like 13 almost 14 and um we fucking i end up having to live with my grandmother after i graduate and i can't find a fucking job i i legit apply for like over 20 jobs and every one of them fucking back then record and tape traders like all of them no no no no no so i decide i'm going

to donate sperm for some cash because if there's one thing i can do i could i could jerk off all fucking all day no problem and my grandmother is an older catholic lady who's giving me shit like they're still your kids they're still your kids i'm like they are but so i investigate this and i learn that and i didn't know this i learned that you're only allowed to basically deposit two times in a certain mile radius because although it's not probable, it is possible that those two beings could get together and unknowingly be incestuous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So I'm like, well, there goes that fucking job you know to it i gotta travel the country to do this shit i'm only getting a hundred jerks just flying back and

forth every couple days losing money i gotta go jerk off in california like come on man so um i see that i i go to this like temp agency and they contact me tell me there's a family who's looking for someone for their son, like a big brother thing, and they want someone to influence them. And I was like, great, let me go meet him. So I meet the family, and they're like, we think you'd be perfect. So I have to go after school every day. I pick him up at school. I'm in a line with all the moms and shit in my car, and I pick him up.

I take him to his house, and we do homework and shit together. And I was a boy he's he's got his comic book inside his math book and i'm making mac and cheese and shit for him and i see it but i don't say a word now it's time for me to check that homework and us to go outside to good stuff and he doesn't have it done i'm like well that's because you were reading your comic book he's like you saw that i'm like yeah i saw that you're not good at this like yeah i teach his sister how to drive a stick. We all go out and I teach her how to drive a stick.

I start taking over everything. And then I'm about to go on vacation with them. They wanted me to come to Florida to watch the kids while they hung out, like the husband and wife. And then my grandmother dies. And I'm like, look, man, this is, it's a wrap on this Manny shit. And I'm headed to California. And that's when I finally split for that.

You'd be, I mean, you're a good. I was good. Yeah. Yeah. You got a good. I can grill. How old were you at that point? That's the first thing they asked me to buy.

Cook some dinner. If your kid wants snacks and grill, I fucking got that kid covered. Want me to teach your daughter how to drive a stick shift? No fucking problem. How old were you? I was probably like 20 in college, 1920. See, it's funny because I would, much like the coaches of the team, 20-year-old kid comes to me and says, I want to be your Manny.

And I say, get the fuck out of my house. But I didn't. But you, yeah. They requested a male and said, why don't you meet this dude? And I was, even I was like, I don't know about this shit. But I was a Manny. I would say there's probably one you know

one sickler for every hundred weirdos trying to be a man agree you know what I mean I would never listen I did the job

I would never I wouldn't have rolled the dice on me either I'd be like fuck that kid fuck that kid it is it's just you know

welcome our new kindergarten teacher mister blah blah blah nope I don't want to see it but also here's the other thing and it just hits me right now

actually what does it say as a wife what does it say that you feel about your husband that you think you need a male presence around this kid

yeah is he not cutting a fucking mustard over his head right I just thought of that we need a strong male figure in this kid's life hold on a minute.

What about this 20-year-old asshole? Yo, if someone – This community college dickhead right here. He pauses below his back. He's like, what the fuck did you just say? Some 20-year-old walks in my house being like, I'm going to teach your kids. Holy shit. And I was good i legit

was really good at it though and i liked it yeah she's like here's 50 bucks go to the arcade today after i'm like fuck yeah we drive to i'd be like i'd have a sister drive us to the arcade drop us off then have her come pick us up back when you had to get on a pay phone remember that shit yeah like hey i'm gonna call you i need you to be wherever that phone is on the wall you know what i mean you gotta be there my favorite we talk about all the time was the when you call collect and in the the time you're supposed to say your name you just say where you are or whatever that's what i'll do to my dead on my album we're done greatest commercial all time bob i'd maybe eat the boy one of the all-time greats it was awesome it is crazy what parents will do to not hang out with their kids like the people you trust with your kids so much and it's like

dude you shouldn't ever let this like i was a camp counselor i wasn't a man but i was a camp counselor i went many a camp i did like hockey camps when i was younger probably when i was 20 i was just doing like park camps and like i was like dude i'm hungover and and not that i don't care about your kid i actively dislike him i i i root for his failures every single day nine to five i'm hoping to tell you how much i see it since i since i have limited time with my kids because of the divorce i'm like when i have my kids i'm like with my kids like we're at the park we're playing if we're at even if we're watching tv it's like with my kids. Like we're at the park. We're playing. If we're at – even if we're watching TV, it's like we're watching it together. We're playing video games.

We're playing it together. And the amount – mostly dads but in general moms too. The amount of people who are just buried in their phone or just like whatever, go away, leave me alone. And then they look at me like I'm the weirdo because I'm like playing with my kids. So I probably look like one of these people I'm making fun of. We're like grown adult jumping on the fucking jungle gym with them but it's like i'm trying to create core memories so my kid fucking loves me doesn't hate me like your kid's going i'll get a bounce house instead of therapy in 20 years

it's crazy though man i mean like i'll watch i'm looking at i'm watching the kid like fall off the thing and and his dad is just fucking buried. I'm like, yo, you – Kid's bleeding, dude. I mean it's nuts. We've talked about that before with phones and I always like – like what your parents did was inherently lame. Like read the paper comes to mind. I kind of like my parents.

I'm one of those weirdos who – I don't know. They played with me. So like I don't – I didn't really think it was lame lame but just like that is a stereotype of like the old man with a paper and you're like as a kid i'm not fucking reading the paper or like the music they listen to i'm not listening to that i wonder if kids look at phones and they're like i'm not doing that it's like that's so fucking weird i can tell you i mean you that's what old people do they want one right yeah she wants one she because because all it takes is one fucking asshole parent to give their kid a phone and the first fucking grab. And then everybody wants one.

I'm like, what do you need a phone for? The food and fire. My daughter's asking me for a Gizmodo watch or whatever. It's like a watch that connects to your phone or whatever. So I thought it was just a watch. I was like, I can get you some sort of watch. And then I realized it's a phone. I can't do that. Because I don't want to be the asshole who sets it in motion.

The power a parent has who's going to be the first one to over the wall at the door. It's like you can change the trajectory of this city, of this small town. You have that power in your hands. My daughter has to walk to middle school because it's like two blocks away. So I feel like sixth grade is a good time to get her a phone where she can text and communicate.

Sounds about right. Not get on fucking apps, not get on social media. It's communication on a mind. Like that, I could even start early because to be honest, it isn't.

But I'm like, let's just get walkie-talkies. It's right there. It's right there. I'm teaching her over. I'm like, you got to hold that button and let go.

Do the milk cards with a string or you get along enough. We're fine. Walkie-talkies. I was playing with walkie-talkies with them this weekend and they just couldn't get it, bro. They just did the opposite every time. I was just doing it this weekend too.

I cleaned them out. Let it go. Talk. Hold it down. Let it go to Liz. I'm out on the back. Walkie-talkies are awesome. Yeah.

And they still are. I'm out on the back of the apartment and I'm going to talk to you from there. I'm like, all right. And then when you're done, you say over. You say copy. You know, all those things. She's doing it, but she's chopping it. I'm like, you got to And then when you're done, you say over. You say copy. You know, all those things. She's doing it, but she's chopping it. And I'm like, hold that button and let that button go.

Let's go, girl. Go clean. I need a Manny to teach me. I need a male influence, Dad. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm trying. You weren't in walking, Afghan. You don't know shit about walking.

Dude, I used to be a camp counselor. I was a camp counselor for like a YMCA. Bro, you check them all. You're the guy I'm worried about. Statistically, I'm the guy you should worry about. Thank God you didn't touch kids. Actually, I'm not. But there was this one kid that was just a punk.

He would push the other kid. He was a dick. But he looked just like Gary Busey. And we called him Busey to his face. And the kids started calling him Busey. And he would go home and tell his mom, like, you're calling me Gary Busey. I'm not bullshitting you. Two years later.

So like a year later, after my dad dies and we have to move into this apartment, guess who my motherfucking neighbor is? Gary Busey. Busey. No way. It's Busey. He had a dog. He kept this poor hound dog outside in an old school, like a stake in the ground, and just had the leash on it. And this dog walked a perfect circle just because every day it's out there.

And it just had this perfect circle around there. I'm like, why don't you all let your dog inside? Like, my parents don't. So then we just started taking it and partying with this fucking dog. Like, just bring it over here to us. We'd love that dog. Busey ended up being my fucking neighbor.

He was a dick. And then he ended up being a good kid. He was a dick around everybody. But once you have one-on-ones with them, like, especially when you're a neighbor. At heart, all these kids who are dicks are.

But then you're realizing what's going on in the house. That's why he's a dick. And all that stuff. It's a miracle you're not a dick. Yeah. Me? Yeah. Yeah.

You, your brothers, you should all be fucking. I can be a dick. Wow. The fact that you keep it in check. It's not an overtly dick. Yeah, I keep it in check. I mean, you and your brothers should be fucking in jail. It's ready to go.

It's on now. Man, yeah. I mean, for all the shit you've been through. People are very surprised at that. Like, I also, I'm bad with boundaries. In what way? I let it go too long. I should right away be like, hey, I'm bad with boundaries In what way I let it go too long I should right away be like hey I'm not cool with that But I'll let it go And then I let it stack

And then I pop And that's not good Man you're very reactive Well Sickler the last name Is my dad's dad Obviously like it's a Dutch Welsh it's all the fucking countries that gave me this goddamn genetic blood disease that's what it is it's all from those european white

people diseases but my my mom her family all her family's full italian and my dad's mom is all full italian so you're italian huh it's all de memo de vito and everything sickler is my grandfather when i liked it all up i hate the guineas usually usually i feel like you guys are actually more quick not you know like we keep it all crammed in until we fucking explode well i'm trying to learn how to be a better man you know um also this shit stress all that killed my father early but also i say this all the time we are the you two when you have a kid we are the i love you generation like i i got that from my father but we're also the walk it off generation the fuck's the matter with you pussy walk it off you're not hard no i've got these feelings

fuck your feelings bitch go fucking hit somebody with a helmet or a bat and then you don't even know what to do with these feelings like we're a bunch of messy bros trying to figure all this shit out, trying to stop all this. Like we're a shitty fucking pocket of men right now because we're trying to stop all the trauma that was – stop fucking cycles, stop all this shit. Also learn what this is going – it's okay to cry and journal and all this shit. Like, okay, trying to do all that, then pass it down here so it's less and less. Like we're a real fucking i said i said the men right here yeah well but in a pocket i just mean a pot i don't mean we're bad people i mean no no i think the expectation that a lot of women have for the

men that they marry is like we want you to be the the, in touch, blah, blah, blah. But then when shit pops off or goes wrong, you got to be a man and you got to be like the stereotypical man of the house or whatever. You know where the 12 gauge is. You know where the 12 – You know how to load it. I told you. I told you how to shoot it. It's not easy when it's like, OK, well, last week we were at couples counseling and you're telling me to cry. But now all of a sudden you need me to be, you know, rough and tough.

So I do feel like, you know, you kind of get pulled in both directions. And then on top of it, I'm like, I don't know. I can't figure it out for myself, let alone for them. I had two instances with my kids this weekend where I didn't know what to do. Keegan got blasted in the face at soccer. I mean, fucking. They play, it's like a clinic slash, it's not like a

league. It's just like, it's an indoor garage. It's not even like, it's not big enough to play soccer. We'd have been kicked out of it by the way. We would have fucked somebody up in that garage. And most of the kids don't even know what they're doing. The ball's just rolling around. And this one kid just planted, boom.

And this was like point blank, like exploded his head. And he does the like – he's probably concussed and he looks at me. And it's one of those moments of like I'm going to react based on how my dad reacts right now. Like do I cry? Do I not? And I first like get up to run on the field. But then I was like, maybe I'm not supposed to do that. Maybe I'm supposed to let him kind of figure this out on his own.

But then I'm looking at him and he's like, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, well, fuck that. I'm going to go get my kid. But I was like, I don't know what, you know, am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing here? Because I don't know what to teach him. You know, so I feel like we kind of did a good in between like i did go grab him he starts crying and i just got him quickly back out there i was like listen man it's three on

three and if you're down these nobody can play anymore you got to go back out there and he just sniffled went out there i was like also that's life that's that's a legit it's not like somebody hit him dirty or anything unlucky ball to the fucking face, and that's going to happen to you in life all the time. You just got to walk out there slow. Like Earl Weave, you got to put the hand in the back pocket and walk out there slowly. You're all right.

That was what we got. You're fine. What are you doing? Quit pussying around out there. They're dependent on you. You're like, God, I'm bleeding from my fucking ears, Dad. As soon as he gets back out there, though, the coach or whatever guy running it goes,

unfortunately, it's your turn to play goalie. And I was like, do we have to put him in goal right away? We have to blast him with the ball on purpose right away, dude? Can we just switch up the order, you motherfucker? And he was another guy. He just hung over all the time. Tried to make a few bucks on me for a soccer clinic in a garage the scams out here man yeah that sounds like a scam the only thing that's a guy you should worry about yeah i want a bunch of kids in his garage let the manny come over and clear that shit i'm like oh we ain't in this league

i had a funny moment with my daughter too apparently so i i have given her this speech i guess so many times i always say to her i'm like you know one day because we're we're very tight we got a very good daddy daughter thing going and i'm like well you know you're gonna get older and you're gonna hate me you're gonna like think dad's annoying and dad sucks and like you can't do that You got to keep loving me, blah, blah, blah. And I, I feel like I've said it like once or twice. I must've said it a million times because I had another moment with her. She was playing with bubbles yesterday and she's seven now getting a little bit older, but she loved it. She was just, and she's talking out loud. She goes, I love bubbles. I just did the best the best i love them and i wanted to tell her you

know love like love bubbles forever like don't be too cool for school whatever you know and i said to her i was like how did i say it i go you know an important thing like you gotta know shay is that when you get older it's important that you and she as she plays goes continues to love your dad like she knew i was like no no no not that speech which i apparently have been hammering you with but i was like yeah man this is uh i don't know how to fucking do any of this you know it's like no one how would we know no one no one knows how to do it everybody's just doing their well most people are just doing their best some people are real pieces of shit. Some people are doing their worst.

And it is not their best. And then, you know, we have to get older. You don't have to have a kid. So many people out there, I feel like they're like, I feel like they have to get married, have to have a kid. You don't. You really don't. And it's okay. You got to love it if you have it.

Well, yeah, if you do, then you're fucking. This is the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. It was created by fans for fans. You know what it is. It is GameTime, the ticketing app that makes it easier to score last-minute deals for tickets to sports, concerts, shows. It's nice out now. It's time to get back outside. I know we've been hunkered down a little bit.

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But they are the fastest team in NHL history to 60 wins. Oh, yeah. And that 60th win, they got it without Patrice Bergeron, their captain. They got it without David Krejci, their second line center. They got it with Charlie McAvoy. There should be Norris for the candidate defenseman. They got it without Taylor Hall, who's lamed up right now. They got it without Nick Foligno.

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This comes out tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow's the 4th? Tomorrow's the 4th. Then it's out. Beautiful. It's out tomorrow. Wednesday.

It's out on Wednesday. Lefty Sun. Lefty Sun. The guy that gave me this fucking blood disease i named it perfectly i can't even believe it i shot it at the dynasty in la i directed it myself i did all of it myself so i've been i was saying i've been i've been like as a comedian i always had a writer producer job and i've worked from from i started with fox family it turned into abc family then it was the cw and the WB, Fox Sports.

I helped Oprah launch her network. Really? Yeah. You were writing all these? I would write whatever, upfront sizzles, promos, whatever you wanted for your network. If I was hired to do that, I would do that. Then I would go on shoots and produce shoots and direct shoots. Interesting.

I didn't think I knew that. Got to meet Oprah and do all that shit and so i've had this i've written promos and stuff for e food network you name it style all that shit and i um i just it's funny because i've been talking about this i saw this interview with jamie fox after he won the oscar for ray and he said that when he would come home as a kid his grandmom would make him play the piano and he fucking didn't want to do that he wanted to go play with the kids he couldn't understand that and then all these years later boom it makes sense exactly why he fucking had to do that and for me when this all came together i was like i can do this i know how to do this so i directed it i ep'd it i did all that and put it out it's just on my

youtube uh ryan sickler.com is all my shit right Ryan Sickler. The amount of people we've been talking about, cause we're trying to start this new comedy thing here. The amount of people who are like, spent my life savings to direct it, to, you know, shoot it, all that shit.

The fact that you got, you know, a lot of that, you know, that shit yourself, you know what I mean? Because it costs you money. Post-production will cost you money.

If we're being real. You know what you're looking for. I made money on my shoot that night. I sold tickets to the show and I made money that night. Now, the rest of it I haven't made money on. You've got to pay your people good to fucking edit, color. But most people are going into that totally blind. Yeah, they don't even know you have to color it.

It's like going to the mechanic or the vet where they can charge you whatever the fuck they want and you just got to do it because you're like, I don't know what I'm looking for. It's also cool to just have vision. and there's also a lot of scumbags that'll fucking tell you this is a hundred thousand when they pulled it off for 50 you know they'll do that to you so and this is uh like how much material are we talking is this like from the last what time period are we working with here for the special special? Yeah. It's the tour I just ended. So I went out on the Night Pants Nation tour for a little over a year and wrapped up in December and shot the special for that. Feels good to get that out.

Feels so good. Get it off. Like I say, I know I love my job. I fucking love working for myself. I'm a family business. I'm not a brick and mortar, but I'm a modern day family business like we all are. And you'll be soon when you make a child. You'll have a family.

Easy with that. You're going to get more and more bored, bro. Don't you fucking start manifesting that. You better start sleeping in again. You did. You're already starting to manifest. How old are you? I'm 34.

34? It's time, bro. No, it's not. I'll tell you this. I was 40. Bro, do you see my hair? I was 40 when I had my kid. Well, I was 41 technically when she was born.

And I'll tell you what. If I would have known that it was going to only last one year, I would have done this shit in my 20s. My daughter's mother was like, I don't think I want to do this anymore. I'm like, okay. After a year, I would have been like, I should have just – I would have had good knees and a good back to get out there and bounce house and stuff. So you fucking start thinking about it. Do it.

But I don't even remember what the fuck I was talking about. I don't think I – the more I've hung out with kids, because a lot of my friends have kids now and shit like that. The more – and I know it's different when it's yours and all that stuff. And the more I'm like – Bro, it's so different because I cannot describe it. You can't leave. I don't like kids. But it's not even – I'm not even –

It's not like – I have a perfectly pleasant time. But I'm just like this is – I don't have any interest in this. I'll tell you what. You learn a lot about yourself. My daughter did one to me. She imitated her mom. And I was like, oh, my God. It was so funny.

I was laughing. But I was like, wait, if you're imitating her, I know you have one of me. I go, do me. And she goes, get to bed. And I started laughing so fucking hard. I do. I clap. I tell her to get to bed.

I was pissing myself. I go, you're lucky you're funny. She knows if she makes me laugh, she's out of – not out of trouble, but I'm – It takes all the wind out of me. I'm like, God damn it. Get that bed. Get that bed. I told my kid the new Zelda video game comes out in about a month.

And I don't know how. He picked up the sticks at like age four and was playing Zelda. The shit is like embedded in their brain. Fucking better than me at it. My daughter shows shit to me on my phone. I really think that they are probably – I know they make jokes about them being made by kids. But they're probably tested by kids because my daughter shows me shit on my phone. I'm like, how the fuck did you do that?

Oh, you just pinched with these three fingers? And I'm like, what? Just the way they come out. They know. But I said to him, I was like, I'm i'm gonna make a bowl i'm gonna get a board i'm gonna put a list of chores and things that you got to do and at the end of it uh i'll get you the video game and he's fucking obsessed with this board like this idea of chores and so i'm just throwing like a little shit on there like fucking brush your teeth and like,

but like go to fuck to bed is one. It's going to be on that list. Listen to dad is one too. Yeah. Like everything I say, every fucking thing I say, do it or you're not getting this goddamn video game. Called me up in the middle of the day.

I get a FaceTime from his mom and I answer it and say, where's the list? Where's the board? I need the list. I got to get the game. I was like, Oh, I opened up fucking can of worms on this one.

Pandora's box. Raising a nice capitalist. Yeah. Yo, I am team bribery to the fucking maximum. You do something good, you get something good. Yeah, I work with you. You work with me. Let's go.

That's easy. I'm going to work for both of us. You want a treat? You want three Oreo cookies? All right. You can have two. You're not getting three. And you got to go take your bath.

And you got to do this. and you got to do that. You got to have your hair brushed. I mean, my daughters, I don't know if you deal with this, but the fucking hair. Dude. Like, I'm good. What goes on at night? I feel like a little demon walks in there and just ties it up and knocks, bro. Shout out to my girl Tara, the Tony Hawk of hair.

Like, that's who I go see when it gets like that. She's the Tony Hawk of hair. People say Michael Jordan too much. Yeah, Tony Hawk of hair. Like that's who I go see when it gets like that. She's the Tony Hawk of hair. People say Michael Jordan too much. Yeah, Tony Hawk. Tony Hawk. Michael Jordan ain't still playing basketball. Tony Hawk still motherfucking skate. Tony Hawk needs to be the new barometer we set.

Tony Hawk of hair. I'm really good. I can braid. Ooh, you're really good. I can braid. So my friend's uh mom and sister she used to have this real long hair and i used to watch her braid and i'd be fascinated by like can i try that out and now i can braid because they taught me how to braid so i can do a nice

braid on my daughter's hair i can't french braid but i can do a badass braid but the other thing i used to do was i would just do the ponytail up top i talked about this on my first album. One day I went to pick her up at preschool, and I said, I'm here to pick up Stella Sickler. I'm her dad. And the lady's like, Stella, Stella. And the other teacher goes, the last samurai. And pointed to my daughter. I was like, that's what y'all call her. And I was laughing so hard.

I was like, all right, fuck y'all. You'll see when she comes back next time I had it all braided up. I can braid. You might have to braid my boy's hair here. I can braid that. I'll braid so hard. I was like, all right, fuck you all. You'll see when she comes back next time I had it all braided up. I can braid. You might have to braid my boy's hair here. I can braid that. I'll braid your hair. You want some content? I'll braid that shit.

I'll braid it. I know how to braid good. Give him some cornrows. But, yeah, she's supposed to braid it when she goes to bed at night, but she doesn't. I'm like, at the minimum, would you ponytail it? And then just lays on that shit. And it just clusters up. It's dreaded. I'm like, just put it up in the tub.

Put it up at bed. No. What's the fucking difference other than tomorrow we're going to have to rip through this shit with a comb? Yeah. And I'm a dad that, like, I'm into it. I'm the same way. So I can braid hair. Dude, if I could braid, I would be braiding left and right.

It's so easy. Rubbing it in people's faces. It's so easy. Rubbing in people's faces. It's so easy. Because I'm sure you've seen this. I get looks and I get treated like I am fucking brain dead. Like I can't do anything. When my daughter gets knots like that and we can't get it out, I just ponytail that shit. Just fucking wrap it up.

Not even wrap it up. It just sits out there clustered. It's just like in general, single dad, divorced dad, whatever the situation is, like that guy, he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah, well, you and I, we're never having sleepovers. I already knew that wasn't going to happen. And also, if you want your daughter to sleep over at my house, I'm checking you as a parent.

I'm a single dad. What's up with you? Should be doing that. Again, like we said, on paper, I'm the guy you worry about yeah if it goes down take shelter over here but if it doesn't keep your kid the fuck out here there used to be two girls next door that live next door everybody would have their doors open they'd float in and out so i'm i told their mom and dad like they can't come over here when i'm by myself like why and i'm like i just don't want it like i don't want your little tiny like what if I walk out of the shower?

You know what I mean? And my dick's out and your fucking daughter's like, I saw Ryan's dick. I'm like, hold on a second. That's not how it happens. That's also weird, though, for you to be like, don't let your kids around me. It may be, but guess what? What's going to happen? I don't know.

Never getting comfortable taking to prison for any accusation. Dude, again, I play with the kids a lot. So they'll be like, you know, like I'm picking Shay up, throwing her out. And then her friends will be like, can you pick me up? Nope. No, I cannot. Mulaney has a joke about that where he was at a party and someone's like, John has a penis. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where did that come from? And she's like, and it was just because she was learning about penises and vaginas and men and women. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did that come from? And she's like, and it was just because she was learning about penises and vaginas and men and women and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, well, guess what? If that was a woman, she'd be like, yes, I do, and it's glorious. He's like, whoa, what did you mean? Why did you say that? I mean, my daughter's probably seen so many dicks already in her life.

I used to have to take her to the men's room when she was little. My daughter's seen dicks. I had that. Probably lots. When we were in L.A. When we did the honeydew and stuff out there. We were at two. What was that fucking restaurant we had to climb a goddamn mountain to get to?

Oh, God. The Japanese one. So we had some Japanese restaurant On top of a mountain Oh Yamashiro Yamashiro You were there Yeah

Why didn't you come Say hi Bro She She had to pick a spot For us to go to dinner And she was like It's a beautiful spot though

Yeah When you drive to it Yeah It's a beautiful spot Oh you walk She said Nah You walk past the magic castle

That's a fucking hell She said, no. You walked past the Magic Castle. That's a fucking hill. She said, no. She was a little bit behind. That's the whole thing about the restaurant. It's on the hill. We get to the bar, and we're all like. How many people have ever walked up here?

Zero. The bartender said zero. Nobody has ever done it. The magicians don't even do it. We're like five now. We were looking in the, as we're walking down the, like the boulevard or whatever, I guess it is.

Oh my God. I see like the lights and shit. And I'm like, I'm like, yo, imagine who that was, the restaurant she picked. And she gets real quiet.

It's like, no, no, no. Good spot though, Jack. But yeah, you had a bathroom incident. I was in there and like, they kind of like the toilets, no, no. Good spot though, Jack. But yeah, you had a bathroom incident there, right?

I was in there and the toilets and all the stuff in the men's room are off to the side. So you walk in, you don't really see anything. And I was in there and just this little girl comes running out. And bro, I froze. I hadn't gotten to the urinals or anything yet. But I froze. I was just like, is this a trap? What the fuck is going on here? Take a seat, John. And then her dad came around the corner.'s just like is this a trap like what the fuck is going

on here you see john and then her dad like came around the corner he's like no watch out for the gentleman i was like bro you got to keep her on a fucking leash and this is crazy and i announce if i go in and there's people i'm like got one got a little girl coming in guys i give my heads i've heard that before yeah put that dick away i i had away just put your dick away dude this weekend i was at a bar. Not a bar, like a restaurant type deal. And I was using the urinal. And some older, not old, not like fucking octogenarian, but like an older woman comes in.

Yeah. Octogenarian. Good word. And she was just like, I was dick out at the urinal pissing. And I was the only person in it. And I could see her like in the mirror and I was like kind of just staring and she goes

did I walk into the wrong room and I was like I'm standing at a urinal taking a piss use context clues what do you think you think there's a bunch of urinals in the women's room like I guess I don't know if you walked in the wrong room that's up to you to decide but like I'm not going to give you an answer on that one.

Not today. Not today. You're the wrong fucking answer tomorrow, dude. You're wherever you need to be. If you are not merged up right now, fix that in the Barstool Store. Go to Barstool Store. Go to store.barstoolsports.com. We have tons of merch in there.

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You're welcome. Wait. So you mentioned how you did all that other shit for work. Yeah. I don't think I really knew that. I knew you had the the podcast or like a radio show in the baltimore area right what was that called you just got the rights to it back recently oh no no no so it's a podcast we did called the crab feast yeah which was with

jay larson and we got that back and just put that up on our own when was that though oh man that ended it was a seven and a half year run it ended december 2018 so so yeah you were in the game early yeah yeah audio only for that one right subscribe is a good ass pot everybody you love is on the fucking thing so you put those back out yeah so that's a dangerous game to play this this is well they weren't back out so what happened was we had given it to a network right and once we figured out like well 50 goes to the place it goes and then we take 40 i'm like we're getting like three percent of our money i was like nah so i wrangled the library back and released it just under hours so that we get proper payment for because it still has

monthly that thing has been dead it's been dead for since 2018 in December. It still does 100,000 downloads a month. What? Baby! Yep. That's, see, that's what I wanted to do. The catalog,

I'm being honest, the library does, but still. It's crazy. I wanted to. And I'm like, why are we, we're getting no money

off this at all? This is our, this is seven and a half years. Again, it's not free to put up a free podcast. Right. It's not free

to put up a free special. These are not free to put up a free special. These are people are putting, like you said, some people are putting their life savings into these things, hoping it does something for them because it's an investment down the road. You're really hoping that you see asses in the seats because you don't buy a house on t-shirts. Right,

right, right, right. So this is a library we had. And again, the reason I did the honeydew, the podcast I do now is because I love storytelling. I love people.

I love their fucking stories. And the Crab Feast was a generic storytelling podcast. So you can come on and be like, I got one from a wedding, a near death, a ghost story, whatever. And the Honeydew, I just decided that that was when I had reconnected with my mom and everything after 30 years and all this stuff. And I was like, you know what? We all watch our content and it's the highlights of our lives. And it's a 90-second clip of this or that that looks great. But what the fuck?

Give me the lowlights. What's really going on in your life? What really got you here? And I want to talk about the lowlights, the low shit, and then find a spot in there to highlight them, laugh a little bit at your shit. It's just always been the way my family's been. have always made we had a family death pool like it's all yeah it's always been dark yo that how how low was the lowest how young was the youngest because that's nobody we

had plenty of old people and it was there was an easy eight on that list all right if you're talking about marguerite she feels good we don't have any children or anything on that list. All right. If you're picking like Uncle Steve who's like 51. We didn't have any children or anything on it. Those St. Peter's runs. But they were still young. They were still in their 40s and 50s and shit. Still too young, you know.

That's, I mean, if I'm in my 40s and someone's picking me in a death pool, I'm not feeling good about myself. But we're starting to be that generation in our family

that's about to be on deck. Yeah. And after me. It's weird. If you'd have money on me and i'd have left you to cashed in yeah for real but yeah so it's just a it was just a generic storytelling the honeydew is focused on people's traumas and low lights of lives and um but it has everybody you love bill burr kreischer segor everybody did the stephan all of them did the

crap you know what it is it's like a there's something to – I think especially because you do a lot of comics who like inherently I think comics want to like tell their story and tell their trauma and tell – they walked uphill both ways or whatever it is. Like you guys did the Yamashiro. Yeah. Maybe the man I am today, Jackie. But yeah, some of those are – I mean you do an excellent job of making it. Thank you, man. but yes some of those are i mean you do a excellent job of making thank you what you do really well is like you'll uh someone will tell you some fucking heartbreaking shit and you'll still do that that laugh like right in their face because there is some yeah i can't help it's and

it's just like we're here to tell some stories but that are that are heartfelt and serious but you'll also and we'll get a couple de niiro stomps. Like, I had a friend one time say to me, just super casually, they was over in conversation over here, and he turns over and looks at me and he goes, hey, Ryan, your dad's still dead, right? And I almost pissed my fucking pants. Still dead, and then right with the...

Dude, that shit, that's the kind of shit where I'm like, man, that just makes it all feel a little fucking better. You had something really funny, really dark, I think when your grandma died. Yeah, on Bert's podcast, which is so funny. Guess who has this shit that I have? My grandmother gives it. That's what I'm thinking in the hospital.

Fucking grandma, when I'm giving you mouth to mouth, you got this shit. You gave it to dad. Dad gives this shit to me. But yeah, my grandmother, this is when I knew we were really alone. This is the woman that was our mom. Because our mom had split from the family. Dad's dead at 16. We've got nobody.

Grandma's there. She comes out of her room. She says, somebody help me. Falls face first. I just started being a lifeguard at the Y. I knew CPR. I had just taken all the, like it was ready to go. My brother's up there.

He's freaking out. I'm on the phone with 911, and they won't let you off the phone until somebody arrives. So I ask – like you switch. I'll go up. I go up. I'm doing mouth-to-mouth with my grandmom and fucking – it's awful. Chest compressions, all this stuff, and she's gasping for life. And after it's all said and done and they take her away my brother goes with her i stay back

because you have to stay back they got to take a police report like they come in your home and they they are not gentle rightfully so they're flipping your furniture out of the way and clearing an area to you know bring their equipment in um which is what you don't give a fuck about that couch you know what i mean yeah and but then you got to stay back and put your shit together and give a report. And when I did, I had gone up to the top of the stairs and I saw this picture of Jesus was tilted on the wall like this. And to this day, like I know my grandma was looking through me, but I thought it's because she was dying.

I swear to God, I really think she was trying to see her Lord and Savior. And I'm over her with my big-ass head. Come on, Grandma! And she's just trying to say, Jesus, Jesus is trying to look. I'm trying to, God damn it. And I think she left without seeing that. Maybe that was the black thing. It haunts me, dude.

It haunts me. And so where are you at now like in the in the comedy world like uh when when did you start stand-up comedy if you were doing all that other shit i started doing comedy at the same time as all that yeah all the time because that was a job okay so actors and actresses need their days i didn't realize i thought it was your career no you've always been stand-up while doing yeah what i was saying was it made sense to me with the Jamie Foxx thing because I've been doing all that for years. And then, boom, here comes my opportunity to be like, well, I know how to do this. I can do this.

And also, I worked in post-production for so long that, like, you would get deliverables and they'd be like, all right, now make this thing. And I'm like, well, did you guys get room tone? No. Did you guys get any artful B-roll to cover this bullshit no and then they would give notes like you know what'd be great is if kevin said the final burgum i know that i'm like yeah that would be did you get that did you get that because if you didn't we don't have it so working in post-production with shitty people in production it helped me be a better producer and director because now I know what we need to get. I'm like, you go shoot the artful B-roll.

Let's get room tone. Make sure everybody's got a lav. Make sure we have spare batteries. You know, shit like that that people don't even know how to do. And there's so many jokesters that are like, I can do this. Yeah, these are professional people that know what the fuck they're doing. But there's so many hacks out there. Sometimes they forget to press record.

I've had that. On a double episode day. He doesn't work for us anymore. She does. You see that helmet right behind you? Is this rolling? Yeah, this is why you had to wear the helmet. I saw it.

I'm a big fan of yours, Jack. I'm a big fan. Did you see the blog she wrote? Oh, yeah. That one line that was like, Jack. I'm a big fan. Did you see the blog she wrote? Oh, yeah. That one line that was like, I may not be a competent producer. I may not even know how to push a button. But you can make fun of me so I can be here. I'm like, yep, pretty much.

That's why we got you here, man. Yeah, that went down. I've been doing stand-up, though, for, God, it's been 20-some years. Yeah. And just been, you know, it's so funny because I was just talking to Ari about this. Like, God, we're talking about, like, well, you've got to have the right thumbnail for your special. And then you get the algorithm. I'm like, do you remember when we just wanted to tell jokes and make people laugh and feel good?

We just learned right before you walked in. If you put out a video about fucking Kanye or Andrew Tate, it's just instantly suppressed and you will not get any views. Really? Like, you just look at all of our clips of our show, they're all doing this level, and then we had a clip about Kanye, nothing.

It's just like, Tate, Kanye, anything of these, you know, do not touch, do not talk about. But the comedians, look, I want to give comedians a lot of credit because comedians started

this podcast stuff. I mean, I know it goes back a little before that, but really took it to the next level. Audio at first, too, of course. And then now it's become we're all making television shows, even though we don't watch them on this anymore. We watch them here and laptops and shit. But, you know, you've got to have graphics. You've got to have audio. You've got to have music.

I hate all that stuff. I wish you could just go back to have graphics. You've got to have audio. You've got to have music. I hate all that stuff. There's so much stuff. I wish I could just go back to the fucking – When we used to just sit on a couch without cameras and stuff and talk and you just listen to it. I get it now weird where like I – I think it's affected my personal life where like I don't like telling stories in my personal life anymore, which used to be my favorite thing to do. So I'm like, ah, I want to tell it on the show. Yeah. Or like even like people – I'm like it's not, I actually can't really think how to phrase it. Cause like,

I had a funny story happen this weekend and I was like, I'm going to tell like my dad. And then like, I told him, I started telling him and then he like started interrupting. And I was like, well, no,

nevermind. This isn't fucking, you're not doing it right. I literally stopped. I was like, nevermind. Fucking me. It's not worth it.

You're having a conversation with me. That's not how this goes. I just talk. It's. Fuck it, man. It's not worth it. You were having a conversation with me. That's not how this goes. I just talk. It's also changed in a way, like if I'll talk to a comedian,

like just save it. Save it for the podcast. Can we just have a real talk? We talked about making a show called Save It for the Podcast because, yeah,

it's like, there are times where I just did it a second ago. Jackie was about to tell a story. I was like, wait, wait,

wait, stop. Or, you know, just tell the fucking story and tell a story. We started like that. Yeah. Yeah.

We just like. I remember what we said when we started, but it was ain't negative shit. Cut that out. Yeah. But yeah, there is something about, you get caught up in it and you,

I want to play by the rules and be successful. It's still a job. Right. Well, comedy went from, let's write and get up and tell jokes to now there's, um, uh, WordPress. You got to have a website and tell jokes to now there's WordPress.

You've got to have a website and you've got to do this. Then here comes MySpace. Then everything changes. Then here comes Facebook and here it goes. And it's – I mean we've watched Vine come and go. TikTok is a big thing now. Maybe it goes. Who knows? Are you on TikTok?

I should be but I'm not. I fucking hate it. It's just – I can't. There's so many of them. There's so many of them yeah there's so many of them and i you know i even pay people to cut stuff for me stuff and i'm still like jesus fuck what else we gotta do now it's facebook reels now it's youtube shorts youtube man i got people pissed off me because i started doing youtube shorts and i didn't realize they went to the main home page yeah they don't even have their own channel right i'm like you're just

pumping it right there yeah people get pissed fix that they got about i just did it and they didn't fix it yeah that shit is trash it's so but so it's like all this like i know it's all my short form bullshit but it's like man i just want it's also like if you want to make it you got to play by these fucking rules yes and they change non-stop these days like i was just at ymh they have a whole dry erase board of all the words you're not allowed to say on TikTok. Crazy. Look, I don't make any money off my show. I am demonetized almost every episode because people come on and talk to me about rape, molestation, incest. Also, by the way, I never thought I'd even hear on the Honeydew. Honeydew, not the one with the fans.

You're talking about the main show. Wow. Look at my views. They're suppressed because of it. Yeah, that's such bullshit. I upload my video to the queue on a Sunday night for a Tuesday release, okay? That shit is demonetized in the queue. Wow.

I'm like, who the fuck watched it? Who already watched this? We just posted this 10 seconds ago. That's crazy. My channel is just under a watch. So, boom. I get it. It's still doing very good, though, by the way.

It does. It should do way better, but it. So, boom. I get it. It's still doing very good, though, by the way. It does. It should do way better, but it's doing good. But I get every video. So, people have to fight to find it. And they do. They'll find it. But it's an uphill climb because if we put, you know, you talk about your depression. They don't want that shit in there.

YouTube wants like this candy-coated, colored world that doesn't really fucking exist. Now, the bullshit about it is you... I don't make money off of it, but YouTube certainly keeps changing their heads out in there and cranking that money out. They do whatever they want. I feel like you're putting up clips from the special on your Instagram. All over my social. I like

that. I feel like a lot of times people don't. I'm going to bleed every frame of this moment. Fuck yeah. You're going to bleed every frame of this moment. Fuck yeah. You're going to be so sick of that goddamn stuff. Or they put the crowd work clips up.

The crowd work has become so funny. It's so wedged in there. Some people do real crowd work. It's changed the game of comedy. I've seen it live. When it's real, it's awesome the when it's real it's awesome when it's like what do you do

for a living and they're like plumber and they're like well the thing about plumbers is they're not transgender

and then they just launch into whatever you're plumbing yeah you know it's like they just change

whatever they and that's crowd work but the fact that you're putting like the these are raw clips from the special I'm not cutting them

together to make them look any different. Yeah, no, I like that. And then it's like when you go see the special, you might be like, oh, I saw that on Instagram. But it's not the end of the world because there's a thousand other jokes on there. I'm not bang, bang, bang. I am a storyteller. I'll get you roped into a story.

And it is nerve-wracking for me as a comedian because I'll go for a minute without laughter. And then when I know this joke's coming, if it doesn't hit, oh, diarrhea, bro. We deal with that like doing live podcasts because sometimes, you know, this is a great conversation, but it's not laugh out loud funny. But when you're a paid audience member and you're sitting there

and they're not laughing, you're like, oh my God, oh my God. And then if you do, be like, okay, they're going to laugh at this. They're with us. And they don't though. It's like, oh, now we're really fucked. That was the funny part, guys. That's what we're bringing. I like, okay, they're going to laugh at this part. They're with us. And they don't, though. It's like, oh, now we're really fucked. That was the funny part, guys.

That's what we're bringing. I like that, though, man. The storytelling shit is, I mean, that's much more what podcasting is. That's much more the kind of people we are. Well, that's what changed my whole career. I was, like, you go back and listen to my first album. It's just jokey stuff and joke, joke, joke or whatever. Nothing like an Anthony Jeselnik or a Hedberg or anything like that.

But it's more jokey. And then once we started podcasting, it became that. Are you talking about that on stage? No, I don't even know. And then I've watched so many comedians take a story they told on like the Crab Feast or even the Honeydew and turn it into a bit. Jeselnik's working on one. He told on the Honeydew. And it's like, yeah Jessel neck's working on one. He told on the honeydew and it's like,

yeah, man, why not? It's a different form. You don't have people right here giving you that immediate reaction, but you have to figure out how to take that story and then build it to a stand up place. And that's a different art form than sitting here just shooting the shit.

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Get yourself some pirate water. Hey, what's up, KC Radio? So I work at a company that makes components that go on rockets that go to space. Jesus. Then how come you can't keep yourself on your phone? We've got, you know, like every workplace has those little two-in-one water bottle filler, water fountain things. But I don't know the last time I used a water fountain.

So I was walking by them today, and I saw this grown man bending over and drinking out of the water fountain. And this is like a serious guy, smart guy, friggin' rocket scientist. I just thought how crazy that was and how embarrassed know embarrassed for him he got me wondering what are what are some other things in life that you know really shouldn't be but things that are embarrassing for you know that's a great point i know exactly what you said

where it's like it's perfectly fine to fucking drink from a water fountain but as a man you're hunched over and you're like and it just is not the best look. I did that recently. It's actually very weird. It's like I called this in. Very recently, I had a disaster of a day at the gym where I forgot my water bottle, first of all. And so I had to keep going over to the water fountain and just been like – same idea.

Like every set I went over, I was like – Yep, yep. I ended up leaving and just going to buy a water bottle coming back and then my headphones died while i was there and and gyms like when i started going to gyms like they just play music like they were like when i was a dad and i was a kid there's music blasting silence this gym is just fucking silence now it's just grunts and clapping my headphones died so i just have my headphones in my pocket bro it is if you could just if you could just put out the sound of a gym oh it's it's it's it's my definition of hell yeah where it's just like occasional metal cranging yeah and like silence sometimes a fart and then just someone like it was it was great i was like i

can't believe i used to just do it i used to go i used to raw dog the gym and now i'm just sitting like mid-set and i left the gym usually you leave you got your dopamine or whatever you got going and i left the gym angrier and more annoyed than i've been in my career i was like i was like an asshole bent over the fucking bubbler and i'm fucking just listening to bubbler yeah yeah i'm not so old one there really there's oh well at least a new one oh there's like 10 people in the world who say that you do i think it's i think it's in new england yeah it's like a rhode island thing it's like a real carriage for grocery cart no No, but I say the market.

You say something stupid for that though. What do you call it? I don't think so. I don't really use it that often. I think I probably just call it shopping cart. It's not a word I use often, but – You do say something stupid in that realm though, grocery stores or whatever. I say the market.

I call it the market. Yeah, that might be it. The market. He's right. I also think water fountains are just fucking disgusting. Yeah. I've never wanted to use one. I watch homeless guys wash their balls and shit in them in the parks in Santa Monica.

I'm like, we're not drinking out. I'm not even washing my hands in there. My dick is cleaner than that fucking thing over there. It definitely is. As a kid in school, though, man, remember the good water fountains versus the bad ones? Yeah. I would walk extra hall This one would shoot up. I would walk extra hallways to get to the cold one.

And then there was the one that sucks. Halls of Taylor, bro. I would just deep throat that fucking thing. Sucking on it. Oh, man. There's someone behind you. Three, four, five seconds. Go.

I'm thirsty. Get off of me. Get off of me. I'll tell you what. You know what? I forgot about that. People are like, come on. You're hogging it. You ain't going to run out while I'm watching.

It's coming out of the toilet anyway. Every kid's got a fucking water bottle everywhere they go now. Like, we cannot leave the house without my kids having their water bottle in case they get thirsty. I never got sent to lunch. Like, we'd have a thermos, but we put food in it. We weren't going to have drinks in my thermos. I never got sent to lunch. We'd have a thermos, but we put food in it. We weren't drinking drinks in my thermos. Just walking around everywhere with a bottle as a little kid.

Again, one of the things I do as a dad, I'll forget that all the time. I'm like, I don't know. Then we're at the park, and they're thirsty. I'm like, well, I don't know. Then you're just going to be thirsty. We've had times where we've left where we're at because they're like, we don't have our water bottle, and we're thirsty. I don't fucking know. Just wait until get home gary goldman has that bit in uh in the great depression we talked about how

it grew up in the 80s and he's like he's like we weren't given water and he's like it's not we didn't need it we desperately needed it we just didn't have you asked a teacher you know i gotta go to the waterfront i'm thirsty like no No. No. It's a bodily fucking need. We live on this shit. You were talking about a homeless guy washing his balls in it. Just circle back to that. Due to my boredom this weekend, I was home from the southeastern mass. I grew up.

My high school is in Rhode Island. It's in Newport. The Newport mansions are a big thing. But I've never been. It's almost like a New Yorker never going to the Statue of Liberty, that kind of shit. Like I've never been. And I was like, I got nothing to do. I'll go fucking check it out.

And so I toured the Breakers, which is a big mansion in Newport. And it was the Vanderbilts built it. And it's fucking insane. It's insane that this was someone's home. It was like a college. It's like seven stories. Like compounds. It's crazy.

But the bathrooms in Mr. Vanderbilt's bathroom, he had what was called a carriage bath. And it was just for your dick and balls, dude. No. It was like self-guided tour where you have like your own pamphlet kind of deal. I'm kind of in on that. Me too. It is. It is. It is.

I was going to say, the problem is I need my asshole too. You know, you take it. It was like on the pamphlet you have. It's like note the two separate sides. He's not described it in the pamphlet. It was note the two separate sides bathtubs. One was for full baths. One was for after long carriage rides. Is it like a burb bath?

Yeah, basically. You just dip your shit in your teabag? You just kind of sit in it. A Google like Vanderbilt bathroom. You just sit in it. It was – it's so funny. It's like, dude, just the tub for your dick and balls is wealth, man. That's real.

I talk about it all the time. Like I have a dog. I have a dog. It's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. It's the cutest fucking thing on the planet. And the dog was created. I researched the history for royalty, of course, back then, to keep the laps of royalty warm in drafty castles and cold carriage rides.

That's why they made this animal. I'm like, y'all took a wolf and turned it into that like that's fucking you ruined the fuck that's money and power pussy warm get the fuck out of here that fuck your tesla that's fucking wealth right there this doesn't seem like what i thought it was gonna be it's the the little the little tub in the front there the The bottom right area. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see now. And you kind of just sit in it.

It's bigger than I thought, too. I think what you need is something that you stand. Oh, no, no. And you almost. It's almost like you're digging a shit. It's like a glory hole. Yeah, you need something like a docking. You put your dick in the balls in there. Like a set

it just there's a little towel under there's so many times I'm like I gotta take a whole ass shower

just because I am a fucking wreck below the belt but the rest of it you can kind of see a little bit on the right it was basically

you pulled your pants out and you just sat in it and then you turned the water on what's this one it's the same thing from a different angle it's cut like it's definitely cut different

uh what's what's something else you feel stupid or or less manly doing that's not really i mean i know i remember growing up people if you ate a banana like a regular banana, it was like, you're fucking gay. I had that the other day happened to me. I was putting chapstick on and I locked eyes with a homeless dude. I locked eyes with him. I was like, oh, man. I felt so vulnerable. That's a great one.

I was like, we're going to do chapstick. First of all, chapstick. And secondly, I'm making eyes with a fucking homeless guy while I'm so vulnerable. That's a great one. I was like, we're going to leave you. First of all, chap sticking. And secondly, I'm making eyes with a fucking homeless guy while I'm doing it. That would suck. That is great. This is like you think they're stupid. That's the thing that sucks too. No, I feel like it's – I took it to feel like more like you don't feel as masculine as you would. He was saying this guy was like somebody important,

and he's like sitting there bent over drinking from his little fucking bubbly water. I'll give you another one that just happened to me. Hospital gown. Just wearing a motherfucking hospital gown. His whole back is wide. Your ass is open. Why is it that way? Why is it not just a regular fucking robe?

You can't undo this? What the fuck are we talking about? And then when you do tie it, it's tie it it's still just ass out no matter what fucking onesie doc i'm i'm like that yeah like any any type of nudity that that's i think just meant being fat and probably self-consciousness like you're like sleep with a girl a girl will just be naked for the rest of the night like Once you take their girl clothes off. Oh, my God. I get dressed. Once you take their girl clothes off. That was that?

Once you take their lady clothes off, you know how you fuck women. Yo, not their dungarees. Dungarees, bro. Great. You guys know what I mean. Sleeping with chicks. But you're so right. Being naked as a chick is amazing. Like, bro. Great. You guys know what I mean. Dungarees. But you're so right. Being naked as a chick is amazing.

Like, look at me. This is great. Dude, when I – I said this recently. When I get dressed after sex, like, I do it like a rape victim. Like, I'm a very delicate. And I don't make sure I don't expose myself. After we just saw her birth canal, now you're fucking tucking away and going. I don't bet, though.

You think you see the whole hell? No, dude. You know what makes me feel really vulnerable and less like a man? It's a weird thing, though, because I'm comfortable getting up in front of – I did Chicago with Segura, 10,000 people. I'm totally comfortable getting up and doing stand-up in front of people like that. But when I'm in like a new new like i used to be in a like i'd go do improv class or whatever and it'd be a group of like 10 people and they'd be like okay jackie we're gonna go around the circle

i want you to say your name and then something about yourself and i can't tell you the anxiety i have really i because i don't ever know what to say i'm like i used to play little league like i don't know what the fucking say and i'm like hi my used to play Little League. I don't know what to fucking say. I'm like, hi, my name's Ryan. I'm like, ugh. And I like to do this. I fucking hate that shit. I did that in – I like to think that's why I did not do well with college. And I like to think that's why.

I remember my first year, freshman year, first orientation where like I was really giving college a shot this time. Later, I was just going through the motions. But but this was like I'm going to go to college and they were like come to orientation and I went to one and I was like this is so uncomfortable. Orientation sucks. I just made it up. I just said I was like I'm from they were like tell us something interesting and I was like

I was born in Australia and then like people were like dude you were born in Australia and I was like oh no I made that up we hate you weirdo well here's how to not make friends yeah alright next up

kill your stash Jay, Colleen, whoever else is there I was following a guy home and found out that one of my neighbors has a bumper sticker that says Blow Me. Which I thought was kind of aggressive, so

got me thinking, if you guys had to design a bumper sticker, what would it look like and what would it say? I think bumper stickers are some of the worst things going, man. You a bumper sticker guy? Mm-mm. No, but. You gave me a look for a second there.

I was like, oh, no. But I do like to read them. I'm all right with anything to distract me from the road. I'm all right with it on your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want any shit on my car. I'm all right with it on your car. It was fucking wild, man.

People get loose with those. The bumper stickers and t-shirts are. I saw a t-shirt this weekend i was like yesterday i was at a restaurant and i was just eating the bar watching the bruins game and the guy next to me was wearing a shirt that said don't shoot guns shoot loads that's a shirt yeah and in public right in public and i was like i like i saw i was walking that he's like kind of like a rectangle-type bar. Entrance is over here.

So I'm coming in. I see that shirt first thing. And I was like, Jesus. Like, this guy. Jesus. This guy is a fucking loser. Like, oh, I'm sick. Congratulations, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm sitting there. I'm like, God damn it. I can't believe I'm sitting next to this fucking guy. And then another guy comes in and sits next to him. And he goes, what's up, girl? And I was like, my answer's hilarious.

That's so true. A street guy doing that? You're a fucking loser. I was like, this is the fucking man. This answer's funny, man. Don't you go too low. I keep seeing this one in LA that says, I can't remember how it goes.

It's like, drive gently, there's a baby in this bitch. And then it's a lady driving. I'm like, I don't see any. Do you mean in you? In this bitch? I haven't seen even a car in this car. You know what I mean? I dated a girl once who would park in pregnant spots for women.

And she was just like, who's going to tell me there's not a baby in me? It's a good point. I was like, how many pregnant women are out shopping who need the help? It does seem like we're being pretty specific here. Those spots are going to get used by a pregnant woman who can't really walk. Yeah, yeah. Can I tell you a horrible story that happened to me in college? Oh, fuck.

Always. I graduated in 96. It was called Towson State back then. It's now Towson University. And on a Saturday, I was in mass comm, and we had this one asshole teacher that didn't care that technology was moving forward. At this point we're in cds and dvds okay that's where we are but this motherfucker wanted us to do real to real tape and he wanted us to splice it and cut it with the razor blade and tape it together so that you

make an edit on tape like do you understand where we're headed we're never gonna we're never gonna use this but it's like i was seeing about that recently when they made – I had to take a class where they made us learn how to read the newspaper things. We put them in the whatever. Microfiche? Yeah, yeah. I was like, we're never going to use this again. I saw someone using it in a movie recently. I was like, I forgot I learned how to do that.

What was the point? I'm sorry for interrupting. That's okay. So we had to come in on a Saturday and do like book time to sit down and actually manually do this. It was part of a thing because he was from radio and he was older and that's what he wanted us to learn great so i go in on a fucking saturday it's snowing and everything and i pull in this there's no one there no one by parking this goddamn i'm pretty sure it was a handicap and then like a hearing vision

impaired also was any any disability spot right so i fucking park in there and i go and i'm only going to be there for an hour bro hearing come on right it wasn't just a blue handicap spot here it literally was hearing just you can park up there right i park in there i go out. It's snowing harder now, and there's a fucking van. Now, the parking lot's on a slope going down like this. I'm right here at the door. Everything else is sloped like this. This van's parked a little bit back where a regular person should park back here.

And I'm like, oh, fuck. So I'm hustling to the car, and I hear this. I see the van doors open. The side doors open electronically. I'm like, to the car, and I hear this. I see the van doors open. The side doors open electronically. I'm like, oh, my God. And a fucking tray slides out. I'm like, oh, my God. And a wheelchair rolls out.

And then it goes. And the guy fucking grabs a microphone and puts it to his throat and goes, hey, buddy. And I was like, oh, God, there's no one there. But I'm head down hustling. Hey, buddy, I got to look. It's only me there. And I go, yeah. He goes, you're not supposed to park there.

And I was like, oh. And I turn around. I'm like, I didn't even see that. He's like, yeah, that's spots for me. I'm like, I'm really sorry, dude. I'm waiting for the driver to get out. No driver ever gets the fuck out of this. Boom.

And then he wheels his electric chair back, hits the remote. Tray goes up. Tray goes in. Doors close. It's all him. And now he's coming up, and I'm like, man, I'm really sorry. And he's like, fine. And then his wheels start spinning.

No. On the snow. I'm like, oh, my God. And he's going like this down the hill I'm like do you need help he's like I'm fine I got my car he's running the fuck away listen to me to this day I won't even reverse in a handicapped spot it traumatized

me I don't want to occupy that thing for a fucking second it was I was like come on it's like somebody set that up like you it just kept getting worse and worse you got the neck and you did all this oh man it's sliding i'm in there cutting fucking tape and shit it was yo i wouldn't have even gotten my car as soon as i started going i would have walked it was just me and him he wasn't chasing me he was he sliding. I didn't pretend to. Well, I walked.

I don't even know whatever happened to that dude. I got the fuck out of there. I'd be like, oh, I'm waiting for a ride. I'm going to have a car. Bro, I'd be like, let's fucking gash this guy's tires. Fuck this guy. That's a Seinfeld episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck him. That's crazy. I can't believe someone parked here. Guys, you get here. Oh, I walked, dude. I fucking. You think I do someone parked here. I walked here. I fucking... I'm roller skating here. Oh, man.

It just kept getting... If he was blind, I would have lost. I'm like, fuck, man. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry. Alright, last thought. Here's the thing about me. The thing about me the thing about me the thing about me is that um i view everything in the world in a very in a very binary way uh and what i mean by that

is that everything in the world is either in my bag or it's not in my bag and the vetting process that i use to determine what falls into each category, that's called baggage check. And I'd love to hear a baggage check from you guys. But baggage check is a very arbitrary process. So however you guys want to go about it, to each their own. But for example, you want to know what's in my bag. You say, baggage check, Glenn. Baggage check.

And then I would be like, oh, shit. Harry Potter audiobooks in my bag audiobooks, in my bag. Floaters, in my bag. NFL player numbers, in my bag. Responsible marijuana usage, not in my bag. Making my toothbrushes last more than a month before they're unusable, not in my bag. So, yeah. Bro, this kid is a regular caller of our show.

Thank you. Last week he called in. Glenn, by the way. What? Glenn. Glenn, perfect. Before we get to this one, he said, how many days in a row would you need to show up in your house

and see a pigeon in your house before you think to yourself, someone is putting a pigeon here in my house. Like someone is doing this to be on purpose. That's a good question. Because I'm saying like. It'd be at least a week. A week? You said like two days.

I would say that. Because I would think. Pigeons are shit. They're rats with wings. They're coming to look for anything. But how would's never happened You're in a There's a window open

There's a door that's open Like You're right You're right You're right But I would never jump to There is a pigeon Person

No I actually have had it I say it's never happened It's happened to me I've had a pigeon In my New York apartment before And it was I was luckily home when it came

in but it came in and i heard it come in it was uh my first apartment is a fucking mess but the bathroom was in my bedroom and it came in i heard it like hit the wall coming in and i was like fuck that i got up in the living room and slammed my bedroom door shut and and just heard chaos in there like i walked in there. Dude, it was like someone had given it an Alka-Seltzer before it came in. Is that what happened? There's shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere in my bedroom. Is that a real story or urban legend?

No, I blogged it. I blogged it with photographic evidence on bars in New York. Oh, but. Oh, the Alka-Seltzer. The Alka-Seltzer. Oh, I don't know. No, I just alcatraz the alcatraz oh i don't know i don't know if someone would give me anything um but the uh i was like i was like this is fucking like there were feathers everywhere like what the shit it wasn't long either it's like 30

you know it felt like an eternity but in reality it wasn't that long. If I accidentally flew into a spaceship, I might do the same thing. I don't know if it was scared. I imagine pigeons aren't indoors often. It was definitely scared. Did it ever come back? No, it never came back. I'll tell you what, I never opened that bathroom window ever again. But if I came home the next day and there was a pigeon in my apartment again,

I'd be like, someone is doing this to me there's no fucking way a second pigeon is shit everywhere and I would think it was the same I wouldn't think it was another one

I think you might have said that you think you ever seen the same pigeon twice in the same day no no no ever like have you just seen a pigeon

and then like you know the next thing you see a pigeon like that was the same one no by the way I heard that there were many pigeons around. I didn't see one. I got no pictures of pigeons.

I think Nick said that there were tons of pigeons tweeted. I'm going to give you an animal. I'm going to give him a knot in my bag. Using the same washcloth and towel too long? Not in my bag. My daughter gets the fresh ones not my bad but my daughter so we we have the squirrel that comes in our complex all the time and so i made the mistake of giving the squirrel cashews the squirrel doesn't get cashews out in a while so i'm giving it the cadillac of fucking nuts this thing's showing up every day, and it becomes a problem to the point where we have a screen door.

You know those screen doors that have that little metal, like thin metal grating over the screen? This thing will get on that and fucking g-g-g-g-g-g-g and shake our door to the point where we're like, what the fuck? And we go looking for a person. I open it up, and we call it Squirrely. I'm like, fucking Squirrely's on this goddamn thing. It acts squirrely and stuff. It's like, you think it's a boy or a girl? I'm like, it's definitely a girl, Stella.

It's definitely a girl. It's squirrely over here demanding shit up here. Got to give her peanuts and cashews every fucking day. You gave him all the cookie, dude. Yeah, for real. It was squirrely. It took a mile. My brother, this is one that used to be funny.

This is so stupid, the stuff we used to do when we were kids. But I told you, my brother was a twin. So we'd go out to the street light right out front of our house, and we'd play catch at night. And we noticed that if we threw a ball up, there would be a bat that would come down and just fucking swoop by the ball. So we start playing catch under this light, and the rule is you can't fucking move,

and you've got to throw it up so you can see the bat swoop at it. And then we start throwing it lower and lower until it's line driving right at our fucking faces and my brother i threw one at his head that bat went right through his fucking hair he's like it touched me it fucking touched me i'm like yeah and i'm just line driving it never that's a great game you got bats swooping at your brother that's fucking great i've never done that but i've heard people like who like have big fields in the yards or whatever talk about that that the bat will follow it like via echolocation oh yeah it'll like spin around down just playing catch originally and then we saw like holy fuck that's a bat yeah

you could see the cut of the wings and the light and stuff like that's a fucking bat yeah i think it was i thought i thought it was just tennis balls i think that's how they said they played that's what we did that's what you did too okay i think it might be just that's funny tennis ball i like the one clip you put up you said uh everything in the water is jaws every every snake is cobra every every fucking well again spider is is poisonous tarantula i'll tell you why any of those snakes i don't like snakes and my brother's the reason i don't like snakes because back in the day when we're in high school we you know we had to take turns cutting the grass and we lived in Maryland. We started in Baltimore, grew up out in Carroll County, which is suburbs.

Right. And we had a riding mower. And if you remember the movie, can't buy me love same snapper riding mower that Patrick Dempsey drove in that that's, that's your riding mower. And I'm, you know, I'm in shape back then I'm in 10th grade. I got my shirt off. It's hot Maryland summer. I'm going around and i see the i'm in our backyard about three backyards up our friend lives there and i see my brother and him with a broomstick and they're hitting this pine tree and they've got a trash can and i know they have a black snake in there that they're catching because they're always doing this shit so i see that i'm going around my laps and as i do i see

them up on our deck and he's holding this like six foot fucking black snake and he actually he's going to throw it down on my leg don't fucking do it dude and I've got old school Walkman Sony yellow I'm listening to a cassette got my music on I go about it and the next thing I know

something slaps across the back of my fucking neck and I turn my head and there's a snake face right here. I fucking I grabbed it by the neck. I throw it on the ground and then I fucking circle back. My brother's like, don't do it. I put that blade on the bag catcher, dumped that thing out. There's your fucking snake.

Oh, God. To this day, dude, that fucking thing landed on my neck. I was looking at me right here. I was like, throw it. Had someone dropped it on my neck from the deck. It came around me. I would drive over them with the mower, bro. To this day, I'm still like, I don't mind snakes, but I'm like, over here with a snake.

The snake with a lawnmower is a move. That's what I did. Chopped it all up in that bag catcher. Snapper. Great pride mower. Snapper. Great pride mower. Snapper. Literally in my bag. In my bag.

That's right. That's right, dude. Yeah, sure. Yeah, snake pieces in my bag. Dude, my biggest knot in my bag is going to sleep. Like bedtime. Bedtime is knot in my bag is going to sleep. Like bedtime. Bedtime is not in my bag. I said this.

I haven't gone to sleep in 20 years. What do you mean? You just fall asleep. You never walk yourself back. I'm never like, okay, time for bed. I've never seen him do it. Let's get in bed. It's always just –

You just find him eventually literally face down on the floor. I just run until the battery runs out. I did it last night. I was watching fucking... I was doing... I'm on a Russell Crowe kick. I was doing the Gladiator, and I was watching State of Play. And woke up in the middle of the night, hand in a bag of mangoes. Nicotine pouches in.

Bro, this man has been eating mangoes, dried mangoes, 60 servings a week. The amount of mangoes. Nine pounds. Nine pounds of mangoes a week. A week? Yeah. $90 worth. How are you shitting? Mangoes.

Is it helping? No difference, really. What difference do you feel? None. I'm not doing it for health. I just like them. It's not like a health cake thing. I guess it's kind of a health cake.

It's an excessive amount for something that you just like. It's not like that amount I'll call the doctor and say, you know what you should do? No. You should eat 40 pounds of mangoes. No, it's not like some new just like. It's not. Like that amount I was told a doctor said, you know what you should do. No. No. You should eat 40 pounds of mangoes. Yeah, no. It's not like some new diet or anything like that.

It's like, I'm just fucking minding my own business. Right now I've got mangoes in my bag, man. Literally in my bag. My dad was bringing me to the train station yesterday, and I just said, like, it just came out of me like vomit. I was just like, damn craving some mangoes. And he's like, what? And I had to explain to him. But dried ones, not that that you dried like like almost like a fruit roll yeah um disgusting i guess i'm eating

them instead of like chewy snacks i usually love chewy candy so i guess i've replaced that so in that sense it's a healthy but it's not like remember there's the banana diet a while ago like someone just eats bananas it's not keto like keto. I'm eating tons of other stuff. I'm just loving mangoes right now. It's an excessive amount. I don't think I love anything that much. It's their fucking man. So how about this for you?

This OnlyFans chick went viral over the weekend. She was on a podcast, and she was talking about how – can we play it actually? She was talking about how she keeps her man healthy and happy. Oh, I saw your clip of this. Yeah. I'm a fan, so I watched this clip. I appreciate that. Yeah, she says six or seven times a day, wake up, you get your nut.

Before you leave the house, you get your nut. Lunchtime, I'm at your office saying come outside. Come home, you get your nut. Lunchtime, I'm at your office saying, come outside. Come home, you get your nut. One or two at night before you go to sleep. Bro, she'd walk in the bedroom for my night nut.

I'd be in the corner like Rocky before the 12th. She would wake you up. You're passed out. First of all, it'd be like, actually not before the 12th, because when I made the Rocky movies, it was 15 rounds in a match. Rocky before the 15th Because when I made the Rocky movies It was 15 rounds in a match But like Rocky before the 15th Where I would be like Bloodied on a stool

Just like Alright I got one more I would be You gotta get out there Get him Rocky Come on You can do it Switch to the left Rocky

Switch to the left You gotta want it more than him He's hungrier than you. He wants to kill you. I mean, listen, very attractive girl. I believe her name is Vicky Banks or Victoria Banks, something like that. I would love to – I would certainly love to try to have sex with her six or seven times in a day.

I'm just telling you that ain't happening. Look, here's the other thing, too. If you pull seven nuts out of me, I'm not going to work. I'm not doing anything. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm pulling the coffin.

I have no motivation. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don't want to do anything. I'm pulling seven nuts a day. That's more mangoes than you. I'd be dehydrated. I would be in pain. I'll still I'll fuck you twice at night, once in the morning.

That's fucking good. That's it. That's for you, man. That's it. I got to have a break in between the third one. There's no way you're getting three out of this fucking dick. If you do, it's going to cough. The last one you got to pull out like spaghetti.

Yeah, just fucking air, like air duster coming out when you turn it upside down. There's so little liquid left in your body. It's like the fucking magician's. Is there a scarf coming out of your dick right now? We're at the end of it. Seven is like, come on. It's insane. Every day?

I call bullshit on this. I bet you that maybe happened like once. You're on a fucking vacation. You're fucked from like 9 a.m. to fucking 9 a.m. the next day and maybe you can squeeze it out. But like there's nobody fucking seven times a day. When I was young, we used to times a day. When I was young, we used to fuck a lot. When I was young. Even then, I don't think

maybe I hit six. Listen, I'm not saying twice a night, once in the morning is my routine. I'm saying that's all I got. I'm saying that's what I'm going to give you. Once is more than enough, trust me. If you do it right, once is enough. Yeah, man, that's the other thing too. Just make it last a little longer.

I can't tell you how, how there's nothing better than when you are on the same page with that sort of shit where it's like, but not when you're to not, when you're on the same page to not have sex is the best. Like you, you would think like, oh, yeah, I got this girl. We fuck all the time and that keeps you happy. And that is true, right? You got to do that. But it's so great when you're like done with work for the day and it's nighttime start and you're thinking to yourself like, I just don't want to have sex.

I just want to watch a movie and smoke a joint and fucking chill, whatever. And then when you find out they are cool with that too through just by body signals or just flat out saying it it's like well fuck it in the morning and it's like yes

let's go fucking make some more popcorn let's get the poopy on put that Russell Crowe marathon yeah dude I love that I had that the non-sexual chemistry

is the best yeah I had that happen probably like five years ago which is a made up time I always just throw out years so you guys don't know who I'm talking about. And me and this girl had like a

sex night planned. Like went to a sex store, bought toys. Bought toys. It's like I so vividly remember we bought a butt plug that lit up and I remember it said it vibrated and I remember it so vividly remember like we bought a butt plug that like lit up. And I remember it said it vibrated. And like I remember it so vividly because the – It was vibrating in your ass?

No, the woman who worked at the store was like – she's like, this is my favorite one. And I was like, you are grotesque. Please don't give me tips. I'm like I'm half hard over here talking about shoving this in her ass and like I literally

I literally lost it and then like we had like we'll get a nice dinner we'll go home we'll just like have like a fuck session and we went home

and we went to bed and that was it we didn't even open that we didn't even open that bag I was like I'm fucking gassed I don't want to eat bag. I was like, I'm fucking gassed. I don't want to eat my ass tonight. Let's just go to bed.

Let's just curl up, dude. You want to rent the movie? Yeah, let's rent the movie. Fuck this. That's understandable. All right, bro. Well, we could do this forever and ever but we gotta cut it at some point so uh we'll go do a little answer the internet before you get out of here but uh lefty son

is out now no tomorrow well but yeah now on the fourth right oh you're saying oh okay guys where we tell everybody where to find it where to to go. Lefty son on my YouTube. I'm Ryan Sickler on all social media, Ryan Sickler.com. Subscribe to the honeydew. Watch the special, share with your friends. It's something I'm really proud of.

I did almost fucking die and I'm still able to get it out and fucking look at me. Let's go. I'm out here promoting it. Other people would just be laying in a bed like a bitch. Nope. I love it too. Thank you, bro. Thank you guys. That was a bitch. Nope. I love it, too. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much.

That was a lot of fun. Good morning, boys. How we doing? Morning. How we doing? Not sure where you are. Where are you? You are in Australia, yes?

Correct. I am. So what is it, like 8 in the morning over there? It is 8.35 a.m. What a guess! Actually, dude, you are doing early work, Russell Crowe. You are way too successful to be doing work at 8 in the morning. I've been up for hours, man. I got up at 5 a.m. For what? Is that your

regular routine? I do a couple of breakfast TV shows before talking to you. But it actually is. See, you know, the alternative to this that we're doing right now is that I get on a plane, I fly to the other side of the world, they sit me in a hotel. You move hotels every couple of days. You are dealing with trying to know, trying to get hotel laundry to get your shit cleaned quick enough for you to be ready

for the next TV show. Then you're changing countries on top of that. You know, they never actually allow for jet lag in the schedule for a press junket. So you end up in this strange otherworldly place where you're sort of floating through the day and every four minutes somebody new sits in front of you and asks you the same questions. It's like, mate, if you ever want to torture somebody, if you ever want to torture somebody, do exactly that. Put somebody

in a room and every four minutes have somebody come in and ask them the same questions. Anyway, so I flipped it around. So you talk about a fellow like me shouldn't be getting up at this time in the morning. Here's the thing. I'm sitting at home in the bush in Australia doing a global press junket, and this is week two of it. But when I finish our conversations in the morning, I don't go back to some hotel room.

I just go outside, sun's shining, wallabies are having something to eat, and I get back on with my life. So it's a much better situation for me. Usually in the bush, if I'm staying in the bush, I try and get up in the darkness. I like to get up before the sun and start my day. It just makes me feel like the day is longer and more can be achieved. And even though I'm in the bush, there's lots to be done around here, man.

We run a cattle farm and look after a lot of different things out here so it um having that jump on the day gives me uh um an extra start an edge it's impressive uh we were just talking earlier my my co-host john here has just started waking up early around like 7 a.m. And he he hates it because there's just more time in the day that he doesn't know what to do with. I got I'm considering having kids, Russell. I'm like, maybe I'll have a kid and that'll give me something to do. Do you read? Do I read? I've actually just started a book. It's called Finding Your Way in the Dark.

I read 13 whole pages in one sitting yesterday. And we're gonna ramp up from there i think yeah you don't uh give that a nudge tomorrow but there's just so many things to get done in a day man you know i mean i you know acting is my day job you know but i also you know i play music as we're talking about before you know we run a farm i uh i'm involved in in various companies that do various things so i do find that um my days are just taken up you know we'll get to the movie in a second but talk to me about that music because i i you're you're in a band right you're going on tour after the after this press tour yeah yeah i've been in bands i'm not sure where you boys were in the 70s but uh yeah you know i started working professionally in in clubs and pubs and stuff when i was a teenager and my first record came out i think I did the contract in 81. And, you know, I've been releasing records in various

forms ever since. And it doesn't bother me. People think, you know, that I should be like ambitious with the music in the way that they feel I'm ambitious with my acting, but it's, it's actually the same energy, you know, I, you know, Writing a song is its own reward. Performing a song in front of people is its own reward. So probably since the middle of the 90s, I think we signed to an American company early 2000s actually, but I don't really bother with record companies and stuff anymore. I just stick songs out on the internet if I feel like it.

The main band at the moment is called Indoor Garden Party, but that's also like the title of what the shows are because it's not just one act. There's always multiple acts like this tour we're about to do is going to be 18 shows. There's myself, there's the core band called the Gentleman Barbers, but there's also these two singers from Ireland, Lorraine O'Reilly and Janet Devlin. There's a young metal band from Sydney who, when they play with us, they do all their stuff acoustically. That's 18 shows.

We play everything from pubs to clubs to theatres. We'll be doing a night at the Sydney Opera House. For me, with my background, now I've done a lot of theatre. I've done straight plays. I've done musicals. It was, in fact, a musical that got me my first film audition. But, you know, you hear of other actors, you know, in between films or whatever, they want to go and do a season

of Shakespeare or something, you know, and that's to rebalance them. And this is my kind of rebalance, you know. This is my theatre. You know, you on to a rock and roll stage you sing songs that mean something to you you know that that is uh an energy that you can't get anywhere else you know now i i have an image of what kind of songs you do because of who you are and what you sound like and your career and everything. And then I stumbled upon you and the boys absolutely burning down Sean Kingston on,

on the Robin Hood press tour. It was the, the, the, the YouTube title I think was Russell Crowe sings suicidal. And I was like, Oh, this is probably the kind of music I'm expecting.

And I clicked on, I was like, you got me suicidal it was unbelievable you had to snap it was fantastic yeah well there's you know in igp there's always a a lot of good singers around you know so you can do harmony stuff and everything so you know on this uh tour alone i think when the main band's on stage, it's going to be like, what, seven, eight voices. You know, it's sort of, it's a wonderful part of my life, music. And I actually probably am in a calmer place whenever we're actually

doing music stuff. Well, I was going to say, gun to your head if you had to pick acting or music. No loopholes, no wiggling out of your head if you had to pick acting or music. No loopholes, no wiggling out of this one. You've got to pick one. Right. The thing is, man, as I said, it's the same energy. It's the same performance energy, you know, and it's about storytelling.

So it's an age-old thing, right? It's primordial. You know, I could be sitting around like I'm doing at the moment telling you a story in in this fashion but you know if i'm singing you a song that i've written i'm also telling you a story but if i've spent months researching something you know as a role in a feature film um you know and i may be a singular component of that story but it's the same it's the same energy you know uh if you're asking me would just be too – it's like trying to ask me to choose between children or something. It's just really an impossible kind of choice for me to make.

Truly Sophie's choice, yeah. Well, I think the world is very thrilled to have you as an actor. I think this latest role we – I think we just read that you don't like horror movies and you consider yourself superstitious? Well, yeah. No, I don't like horror films. How the hell are you in the world's exorcist when you're –

I like to get a good night's sleep and get up early. And superstitious, I'm an actor. It goes with the territory. Does it? Yeah, I'm an actor. It goes with the territory. Does it? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, it's the way that you excuse yourself when you don't get the gig you wanted, you know what I mean? Ah, there you go.

It's got to be some sliding door that I didn't quite check, you know. But also, you know, coming out of the theatre, the tradition of superstition in the theatre, and if you say the wrong thing, how you have to sort of bless a room and all of this sort of carry on. And, you know, you sort of laugh about it when you're learning about it,

but, um, over time you find yourself doing it, you know, it's sort of, it's just, as I said, the birth of the break a leg.

Right. So that, yeah, that does make sense. I was surprised for a second. Yeah. And seeing whistling in the theater, you know,

so if you whistle in a theater, so he goes back in the day, the guys, you know, pulling the ropes that lift all the the scene flats and everything were um sailors and they used to communicate by doing these low whistles so if you walk through a theater and you whistle something might drop out of the ceiling that you weren't expecting because you've given the wrong signal to the wrong bloke at the wrong time. This movie, The Pope's Exorcist,

I would venture to guess that I'm going to be one of the only, if not the only, person you talk to on this press tour who has experienced an exorcism. Has not experienced, not experienced, inspired an exorcism. Inspired.

Yeah, that's very different, mate. Very different. That's very different. It was your presence that made somebody feel that they were possessed, is it? It was my. Something you said? About reading 13 pages a day, something like that?

It was. I went to an Abbey, which is in the movie uh i went to a high school that was an abbey ports of the abbey and there was we were taught by monks and as like a fun little joke prank or whatever one had he famously he's written books one of the monks about exorcisms and we being i think we were probably in 12th grade 11th grade something like that and we convinced him we convinced him that one of our, not convinced, told him, he probably would have been difficult to convince, that one of our dorm rooms were haunted. And I don't know if he was just placating kids, but he was like, everyone out of here, I need to do an exorcism on this room. And he emptied out the entire dorm

and he came out and said, it's all good. You guys are all safe now. I don't know how intense he was while he was in there, but he told us he performed an exorcism. He probably went through all the drawers, mate, to see who was hiding porn and stuff like that. This is the way this room exists. I'll take those cigarettes. I'll take that bottle of rum.

So this was a- No, we hit our rum well. We hit our rum. We carved a hole in the wall behind the mirror and we hit our rum well. We hit our rum. We carved a hole in the wall behind the mirror and we hit our rum in there. So it was a boarding school that was in an abbey? It was, yeah, Ports of the Abbey. It's a high school

in Rhode Island. And yeah, it was taught by all Jesuit monks there. And he was like, he was a bit of a, He was an odd job. He thought stairs were haunted. It's actually kind of surprising he was allowed to teach children. He thought stairs were haunted.

He would sing songs. He would skip every step. I'm just going to say his name at this point. His father's name is Father P. He would skip steps, walking up steps, and he would sing songs the whole time. It was the exorcism.

Yeah, for all the things that the Catholic Church have achieved over time, they do seem to have an odd way of staffing their school system. You know, it seems everybody that you talk to who went to a Catholic church has gone, oh, there was that one teacher. Everybody's got a story about that one guy. Yeah, there's a couple speed bumps with the church. Yeah, most of them were cool as hell. They smoked cigarettes and they were cool-ass dudes.

One smoked cigars all the time. But, yeah, there was a guy who also worked out in his monk, worked out in his whatever you call it, robe, which had calves like you wouldn't believe, though. Did he wear a cassock? What's a cassock? That's what a moth wears in the movie. So it's buttoned down the front.

It's basically like a one piece. No, no. This was more. What do you call it? I can't think of the. Yeah. Yeah. This was more just kind of your throat over the head sheet style.

Oh, okay. I think so. At least I don't know. How did you see his calves? I just. He could work out. He'd ride. Great question.

Great question. And I was wondering myself, I was like, I just want to move on from Father Scotty, He could work out. Great question, Russell. Great question, Russell. Great question. And I was wondering to myself, I was like, I just want to move on from Father Scotty, but that's a little suspect. No, no. I was told the other day that Billy Bragg was advised by his dad. Do you know who Billy Bragg is? He's an English folk singer. Okay.

No, I don't. Anyway, look into him. He's great. But he said his father advised him to treat priests, robes, and cassocks like you would a Scotsman's kilt. Just assume nothing's underneath? Just don't go there. Yeah, just stay away from it. There's no benefit coming your way by that mode of inquiry. So when I did a little research just Googling the movie,

I saw a tagline of information that this can't be true, but it said that he performed 100,000 exorcisms. Well, that number is different in the different places you look. It goes from, you know, 30,000 to 160,000. So, I don't have time in the day to do this, is there? I mean. Exactly. But you're thinking one person, one exorcism.

And what that refers to is that an individual may actually be visited, according to the people that do these jobs, by dozens of negative and demonic spirits. So with the one individual, you might be taking 12 or 20 spirits out of them or whatever. But still, it seems like a staggering number. But that's what he did every day of his working life. He met people from first thing in the morning, and he just went to work.

Do you believe in this? Hmm. I believe in Father Gabriele of Moth. What was that? Sorry? Sorry, I cut you off. Go ahead. What I was going to say is that you said, do I believe in it?

And I said, I believe in Father Gabriel Amorth. I believe that what he has written in his books are genuinely his first-person experiences. So these are big, big questions that we move into when you start talking about belief in this sort of thing. Now, obviously, this is a horror film, you know, we've put on the screen visual references, because it's a visual medium, you know, but some of these situations are not always like that, they're, you know, a little bit like the affliction that John Nash had in A Beautiful Mind, where, you know, a lot of the time, it's oral, you believe you're hearing where, you know, a lot of the time it's oral. You believe you're hearing things, you know,

as opposed to it being in, you know, a physical manifestation. You know, I look at that sort of question, man, and I ask myself, you know, does evil exist in our world? You know, and I think the answer to that, if you look on the news every day or if you look back through history, the answer to that has to be yes. Our species has got involved in some unbelievably ugly things over time. So there's one thing. Does evil exist the other is this thing of uh

coincidence you know unbelievable coincidence and i'm not sure if this has happened in your lives where something happens and then something else happens on you know on the same date or or you know you you happen to bump into somebody you know, and this coincidence seems to loom large in everybody's life. So if it is that level of shared experience, if we've all experienced coincidence like that, is it still coincidence or is it something else, you know? Have you ever walked into a place, you know, on another point,

have you ever walked into a place and you just know this another point, if you ever walked into a place and you just know this place is not for me, I shouldn't be here. This is, there's been an energy change or whatever. And you realize, hmm, I'm uncomfortable here. And the first thing that you want to do is just go somewhere else. Now I've experienced that a lot. And, you know, I don't think if you can have a genuine conversation with a friend where they're not afraid of being fenced in or accused of you know being crazy or whatever all those points that i've just brought up a shared experience with everybody everybody's had those sort of uncomfortable moments everybody's had that strange coincidence you know so for me you know great believer in science but i'm also a believer

that science doesn't actually give us the answers to everything, you know? So there is, you know, and if you were a true believer in God, you would actually have to see, you know, given creation or whatever, that he's the first scientist, you know? So what I know is that if you stand on a mountain of cynicism and think you know everything, then you're a fool. The older I get, the more that I learn I really don't know anything. I don't really know how this world works. I don't know where electricity comes from.

That's a good one. That's a good one. I don't get it. I don't know why we all have so many strange coincidences and experience these energy shifts. I'd really like to get to the bottom of it. I mean, we don't even know when human society began. We, you know, we have all these guesses and stabs, but then somebody comes up with like, you know,

Gobekli Tepe, for example, and it's like, oh, okay. So that shifts our date for civilization back, you know, four or 5,000 years. So, you know, I think it would be such a great world if we would focus our energies, you know, four or five thousand years. So, you know, I think it'd be such a great world if we would focus our energies, you know, as a global population on things like, let's get fucking rid of cancer for a start. Let's focus on that. But then that's also, as a group, really dive deep into where we started, where we came from. I think, you know, instead of spending all these

trillions of dollars on war and blowing people up, let's actually, you know, work as a single species and find out where we come from. What about aliens? Do you believe in aliens? Well, you know, that, again, is a very big question that, you know, I can't answer with any surety, you know. But there would seem to be some kind of activity, again, under that heading of things we just don't understand, you know, things we can all have an opinion about, but there is not, you know, enough factual information either way to make it an absolute where you can say for sure, yes, or for sure, no.

What about dinosaurs? Well, we've got bones. The thing about the dinosaurs, though, is like the further we look into them, the more all the sort of other strange stuff is coming up that, you know, we thought, you know, when I was a kid that they all had, you know, dark leathery type skin, you know, things that we'd associate to an elephant or a rhinoceros or whatever. And then more and more they're starting to say, actually, they were covered in feathers.

Yes. I actually saw a headline today and I didn't read it because I don't want to know if there's any science behind it. You saw the headline, but you didn't read the article, but you obviously read the headline, right? Just the headline, Russell. It's called burying your head in the Sand, and I recommend it. The headline was that the T-Rex is actually a big old pussy, and I said, no way. I'm not learning about that. The T-Rex, we got all wrong. The T-Rex is completely

wrong. It had wings. We don't know anything about dinosaurs. The T-Rex is scary. The thing is we know the t-rex have all the animals that sort of walk the earth now it looks a little bit like a kangaroo right when you think about it right that's a good point you imagine if that motherfucker hopped here's a piece of information i just found out the other day right and i know you're going to love this because you know i can tell your boys are inquisitive and want to keep knowledge coming towards you. Kangaroos don't fart. No way, dude.

Kangaroos don't fart? They have a flora in their stomach that prevents them from building up gas. And if you think about it with the way they get around, that's bloody lucky, isn't it? That is a great point. You're having a bad day as a kangaroo and you've got to hop across wherever and you've got the farts.

Jesus Christ, that's not good. That is one of the funnest facts I've ever learned. Especially if you want to get up to some level of speed, right? Maybe that's how they're popping around. Maybe the gas is what's propelling them. That's what I would have thought. Because, I mean, people talk about crop dusting can imagine if a kangaroo could fart i mean it could cover hundreds and hundreds of acres you can wipe out towns oh man that's great um i we there's so many movies that i know so many people want to hear about

uh from you uh but i get to host the show so i'm gonna ask my mine uh cinderella man to me i think is the greatest sports movie ever and i know that's a lofty uh title and there's a lot of category a lot of competition in that category but i think given you, that was real and the way you portrayed it and all that. And I remember when it came out thinking like this is going to be the greatest sports movie of all time. And while there's plenty of people like myself, I don't sometimes I don't think it gets the love that it deserves. And spoken about on that level. And to me, it's it's bar none. The absolute best out there.

You and Giamatti were unbelievable doing that. Thank you, man. That's very kind of you. I love that film. I love that experience and Giamatti's performance is just gorgeous. But, you know, so is Rene's and there's a whole bunch of people that work really hard on that movie. You know, we kind of just missed our boat. That was a self-inflicted wound. You know, we were supposed to come out November of the year we finished it, but, you know, we were supposed to come out November of the year we finished it, but, you know, I got like 12 what they call minor concussions during the course of that shoot.

No way. 12? But there was like I was on a first-name basis with the guy at the Toronto Hospital who was in charge of that sort of thing. We'd come in and we'd have a talk. It was the same talk every time. And the last question was always, you know, are you going to be able to give yourself an 11-day rest before putting

yourself back in? And the answer was no, you know, because you're on an 80-something million dollar movie and, you know, that sort of damnically is yours. You have to carry that weight when you're, you know, the lead in a film and the thing that you've got to do, man, is turn up. You've got to be there, you know.

Yeah, yeah. So after that film, you know, I had headaches for about 18 months and they finally went away. But when we were talking about the release, they gave me a little kind of gap in the traffic. They said, you know, there has been internal conversation about releasing this next year as opposed to November. And so, you know, I took that break and I said, yeah, yeah, cool, let's do that, you know.

But we actually messed the movie up because it had so much heat on it then. And it was already doing its, like, Screen Actors Guild screenings. I went to one in Los Angeles. Absolutely jam-packed, man. I was able to watch the audience from behind the screen and them not see me, right? Wow. In that movie, you're going through the championship fights

and stuff like that, and, like, just seeing, wow, seeing the audience sway. Oh, man, it was crazy, you know? So that was, you know, an own goal, a self-inflicted wound. We should have rolled with it and put it straight out, and then it would have been considered the way that you're saying now. But we had this thing where we took a step to the side, and this other little movie called Million Dollar Baby

stepped into our release. Ah, heard of it, yeah. And so when the conversation happened, you know, the next year when Cinderella Man came out, you know, that thing that happens, like people have just had a burn of a boxing film that they like. They're not going to do it again. Yeah.

So quickly. But, you know, over time it's getting its reputation, and I do notice now whenever there's one of those lists of sporting films, it's in there, you know, which is cool because that movie was a lot of work, man, you know. But, you know, I mean, I got trained by Angelo Dundee. I got trained by Angelo Dundee, trained 15 world champions. You see in the movie, right, where we're doing the scene where,

you know, it's clear that he's won, you know, it's announced he's won the championship, right? Everybody, you know, cheering and stuff like that, and there's an old ball guy in Jimmy Braddock's corner. That's Angela, right? Oh, cool. And he comes through the net. You can't hear what he's saying, but he's saying something.

He's doing this. And you see me start to laugh, and then I go over and I kiss him on his little bald head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Because what he was doing, right, because Ron Howard said to him, like, Angela, I know you're not an actor, but you've just got to be natural, be natural in the moment, you know? So he's on the, you know, what would you say, you know? So an action,

big crowd scene, people cheering, stuff like that. And Angelo steps in the ring, he's going, number 16, baby! Number 16! Which is, of course, not relevant at all. It's amazing. Except his own life. But for the rest of his life, whenever I saw him, and he was a fantastic man, fantastic, and always spoke really highly about people. There was like one little gear shift that he would do when you knew him

if he was talking about somebody that he did not like, right, but you would not know it from his words. You know, I asked him once about that and he said, you know, what is it for me to speak badly about somebody? I don't need to speak badly about anybody. I mean, I know what I know and I know what I'll do and what I'll, you know, how I like to do things in my life and everything. It's no benefit for me to speak badly of somebody, you know.

So that was kind of a cool little lesson, you know. But all these little phrases and sayings that he would come up with, you know, like he'd get in my ear and go, you know, cause his main rule was just listen to me. I can see what's going on. You're in the middle of the fight, right? But you don't necessarily know what's going on, but I can see what's going on. So if you listen to me, every time we get an opportunity to talk in the corner, we're going to open them up like a can of tomatoes, kid. Okay. Like a can of tomatoes. And he used to call me whenever he saw me, he used to call me number 16, which I, to me,

that was a great honor for a man who had that much experience, you know? Very cool. Well, they're telling us we got to wrap up. Before we do that, I do have to say the best uh sports movie of all time is mystery alaska so you got it either way i i had in my like aim bio as a kid for so long skank martin's line i play hockey and i fornicate because those are only two fun things to do in the winter i was like nine i was like no no wonder they sent you to a jesuit school mate as we wrap up here also on the list i think of movies that uh over time people really grew to truly love and appreciate was uh nice guys right and uh i feel like uh john you were

talking about the possibility of a nice guys too well without possibility just the insistence which i'm sure as you as we started the interview you saying the people say the same things to you i can't not say it's one of the greatest movies of all time the chemistry you and gosling have is oh mate is it i mean he's not a kid obviously but to me he's one of the greatest comedians i've ever met and i i tend to have a lot of comedians as friends, but his timing on a film set, you know, if you laugh on camera, if you laugh on stage, it's called corpsing, right, because you've basically just killed the scene, right? So if you laugh inappropriately when you're doing a scene, you know,

a love scene or whatever, you know, you've corpsed. And I kind of famously don't respond to, you know, the stimuli coming from outside the camera. You know, somebody could be on fire over there, but if I've got to deliver a certain line and I know the camera's rolling, I'm going to get my job done. I'll deal with the burning guy after the guy starts. But Gosling, man, he can just wind me up.

He can get me not just laughing. He gets me giggling like I'm in freaking primary school. He is so absurd, his humor, right? And his timing is so beautiful. I mean, look, oddly enough, you bring it up. It was probably, I don't know, 10 days ago. Ryan and I exchanged texts about, you know, people keep asking for this you know because there was an article printed that said he was doing it so i texted him i think something's that happening

he goes no man i wouldn't do that you know without discussing with you and i just said keeps coming up you know and it's like it's one of those things where and this is the same is true with like master and commander i think as well well. The brand is way stronger and bigger now. Totally. Master and Commander is, you know. There's an article in GQ, one of those fancy magazines, just recently, why are 30-year-old men and women so attracted to Master and Commander? And the thing that they came down to is that it's all masculinity,

but it's not toxic masculinity. Everybody on board that boat has a job. Everybody has a goal. It's like space travel for its time. That boat is the high tech of its time period. So it's interesting the way those sort of things happen. It's always very gratifying because, you know, I know a lot of people just do their job, you know,

and they don't really care, you know, but I'm not one of those people. I go to work every day and I care sometimes, you know, too much. But I love my job. I see it as a great privilege. And, you know, I do try to think of that person, you know, who's watching the story and I try and make sure that, you know, I give everything I can to it so that person stays within the story and doesn't, you know, step out of it, you know.

So it's fun for me, you know, especially as you get older where people sort of bring stuff up that you've done, you know, a long, long time ago and speak positively about it, you know. But Nice Guys, man, we came up with a title that used to make us laugh and I'll test it on you too, you know, see if it still works. I don't know what this means. I don't know what the plot is. Don't ask me for any details.

But if we were going to do a second one, we wanted to call it Nice Guys, the Mexican detectives bang right it's me ryan somehow we've got to pretend we're mexican detectives i yeah this this is like a social contract you have to make that movie I'm sorry you have to give the world the Mexican detectives man thank you so much this is amazing

the Pope's Exorcist out April 14th looks like a true blue really good classic horror film and you know you're a legend man thank you so much for the time thank you so much you've been very kind cheers have a good one