KFC Radio - Ryan Long isn't Surprised by Lieutenant Dan's Past - Episode + Interview
Episode Date: October 15, 2024Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:09 Nobody Wants This Thoughts 16:56 Modern day n00ds 23:58 Would we have Kamala Harris on? 39:23 Tesla Robot 47:28 Lieutenant Dan 51:53 Ryan Long Interview... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PRESENTED BY JACKPOCKET: New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Factor: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kfc50 and use code kfc50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. Betterhelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. Express: Use code SADBOYSZN for an extra 20% off your purchase online or in storeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
The gang's done, dude. You can come back home.
No, no, no. There's more work to be done.
It's deeper than you think.
KFC Radio is presented to you by Jack Pocket.
Jack Pocket.
I got to do both parts here.
Jack Pocket makes it easier than ever to order national and state lottery tickets right on your phone for a chance to win big.
They can get $2.
You can get $5, $10, all different denominations.
All of them leading up to millions, hundreds of millions, billions of dollars,
tons of money, life-changing money.
Jackpocket lets you choose your own numbers,
or you can use the quick pick feature to just pick them faster
if you don't want the stress of picking your own.
You also get a photo of your lottery ticket and the serial number right on the app,
so you have your actual ticket.
You know there's no funny business, no nothing like that. And you can just do it sitting on the couch you can do it right now you can do it
in the car you can do it on the couch you can do it at the movies you can do it at the game you
can do it anywhere you want you don't have to rush out like your parents used to have to do
when they you know i don't know it might be a personal story but my parents would like hear
like wait the jackpot mega millions is up to like 200 million we got to run out and get it
nope don't throw into the bod, don't have to run to the
bodega, don't have to run anywhere. You can do it right on your phone.
Download the app, Jack Pocket.
New customers use code KFC and you get
your first ticket for free. Might as well
take a chance at life-changing money for
free. Download Jack Pocket today and
use code KFC. Jack Pocket,
America's number one lottery app and official
partner of Barstool Sports. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Terms jackpocket.com Slash TOS Slash free-ticket-promo-slash
It's another edition of KFC Radio
On the Barstool Sports Network
It's me, Fidel Berg
And the queen of the fishbowl
Bacaw!
Bacaw!
I don't know why when you said it
Why?
The first thing that popped in my head was
Bacaw!
That doesn't even mean
Bacaw
No, no, no
Before you said fishbowl
Oh, you were just right
I said the queen of the, and you just went...
Faka!
All right.
Is it like a bird?
Kind of.
Shut up, bird.
Yeah.
I like where you went with that one.
There is...
Maybe I was watching some Sunny this morning, too.
Maybe that's why.
Did you see Caitlin Olsen at game day?
Yeah.
It was some dude doing the same old...
The only thing more played out than female comics talking about sex or people
complaining about female comics talking about sex.
You know what I mean?
She said,
I didn't see it,
but I,
she's,
I think she said,
I lost my virginity here.
Yeah.
A little late.
Dork.
But like,
I,
I don't know if this guy on Twitter like knew who she even was because everyone was
like shut the fuck up yeah like if there's one girl in the world we're not making fun of it's
her like dude she has the pass like her resume is as good as anybody she's the best but like sunny
hacks curb right and then the science one there's one what i'm missing like
science one bio teacher that was glenn that was glenn ap bio but yeah i mean the mick obviously
and then the new one now the of the like iconic she's a nursing she's a nurse in this new one so
maybe that's what you're thinking but like all of the ones she's made appearances in and been a part of
is fucking great.
She's great in Hacks. Hacks is a great one to be a part
of too. That's a fucking rocket ship.
But Caitlin Olsen is not the one
to make fun of. Oh, New Girl.
She's always like the weird sister.
But she's not the sister.
She's got Jardia.
She's
Zooey Deschanel's high school enemy who is now married to her dad.
I don't remember that.
That is some villainous shit right there.
Rob Reiner is the dad.
All the guest stars in New Girl are crazy.
I think Caitlin Olsen.
Not Caitlin Olsen.
Jamie Lee Curtis is her mom.
It's an unbelievable show.
Taylor Swift, right?
Yeah, Taylor Swift.
Prince.
I saw.
Yeah, Prince. Prince saw, yeah, Prince.
Prince did like a whole episode.
That was crazy.
I saw the compilation the other day of all Taylor Swift appearances.
Man, she used to be out there.
What else did she do?
Oh, you mean like appearances, not like guest stars.
Kind of just like when she was on late night shows and interviews
and just like all the other places you can be in the media and in the public. Yeah. And she was on like late night shows and like interviews and just like all the like
other places you can be in the media and in the public yeah and she was out there man like some
of it sounded like scripted bits and some of it was just like her talking but like you know for
how how much she's i feel like she's still like people are still surprised that she's going to
like like certain award shows and stuff like she's still above above stuff that she goes to she's above everything it's like just choose if you want to go or not um speaking of television
has anybody here watched nobody wants this yes oh baby what was that it's the um kristen bell
oh yeah yeah yeah yeah we talked about this right yeah yeah you were out maybe oh you guys
are talking about you watched it that quick You were so late to the party.
I actually hadn't finished when we had talked about it.
Bro, I watched it in one sitting.
Yeah, it's like all 25 episodes.
I was kicking my feet up giggling.
It was just delightful.
It was downright delightful.
Here's what I said, though.
The only thing I didn't like is it was almost like it was cringy in that it's very um well it's based on
sarah foster's show uh aaron foster aaron foster show but it also it just felt very girls gotta
eat and call her daddy yeah and then that just felt very podcasty in general so like when i saw
them like with the mics talking about like just dumb podcast type stuff i was like this is what
we all sound like yeah well that's what i liked it was like the first accurate representation of podcasting finally my people have been
represented and like they're douchebags but they're the right amount of douchebags yeah
in every other pot like it's like oh he's a podcaster and yes you're saying that phrase
accurately like it's how you should address a podcaster but theirs was like like with their um
what were they having to be like saving for the show they were saying around.
I was like, this is my pity ball.
Yeah.
Even she says at one point, like, I don't want to sound like a knockoff caller daddy.
Don't say that.
It was very real.
But the point is that the reality is, like, a little bit like, we're such losers.
Yeah. We had talked about how what is media and TV shows and movies and all that shit going to – and songs.
I think we were talking about songs.
Going to adapt with the times because when you say, like, I penned you a love letter, it sounds romantic.
Yeah.
But like –
I still in your DMs.
Yeah. romantic yeah but like i still in your dm yeah like eventually if you're gonna be like i you
know since that snapchat or does it just stop at like letters and i wrote you this poem or whatever
because if you're ever gonna modernize it i'm talking you know once the hundreds of years from
now when when this shit is antiquated would you be like i sent you a message on i could
see like right now something on facebook playing
because it's kind of like vintage yeah you know like me i poked you on your wall yeah yeah like
if someone said i poked you on facebook it would get a chuckle out of me but it would never be like
that's romance yeah like hit me the way that like some of these lyrics are intended to yeah yeah
like if you said you know i like i wish you happy birthday on facebook
on your wall i wouldn't be like damn that's love yeah but that is our love that is like this
generation's little you know love language if you will but but yeah that show is uh that show's great
the ending can i talk about the ending yeah i don't like that oh i i liked it i don't think
you should ever give up your career for anybody well i agree with that in reality but you don't like that. Oh, I liked it. I don't think you should ever give up your career for anybody.
Well, I agree with that in reality.
But you don't think that it was.
In the show.
I also think you can move away from maybe his whole family and religion.
Just tone it down to Jew.
As a show viewer.
Tone it down.
I'm not talking about in reality.
I'm talking about it'll be interesting, in reality, I'm like talking about like,
it'll be interesting to see them get out of that space and interact as
characters in like a different world.
It was cool.
It's not all so heavily like Judaism weighed on every scene.
When,
when he,
when he hits the cigarette and he was like,
I'm the rabbi.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
it was,
it's heavy.
That did feel like a,
a one season thing that will now turn
into multiple yeah yeah but like they could boom be done yeah and that would be like a good
mini series no i want to see the wedding i want to see like sure that's why you can do it all more
but you know i thought it was interesting that like and maybe it's because of my age now as a
viewer but like every show i've ever watched, I assume these people who were, quote unquote, figuring it out.
Even though they're not figuring it out.
They both have very successful careers.
But they still don't have their lives set.
I've always assumed shows like that were characters in their 20s.
This is the first one I can really remember watching and being like, oh, these people are mid-30s.
And maybe that's because I'm mid-30s now.
But I feel like all rom-coms are mid-30s.
20s is the new 30s sort of thing.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So when you watch it, you assume that people are in their 30s?
Rom-coms.
Not TV shows, necessarily.
No, I feel like everything's mid-30s.
Yeah?
Yeah.
But like New Girl.
But no, New Girl, they're 20s.
I feel like they're all...
I mean, we talk about this all the time when Costanza is 29, right?
Yeah, 27.
27.
It's just like – I feel like some of these shows, you're just in like a time vacuum, like a warp where it's like this is not – it's kind of applied.
Maybe they do it on purpose to be honest because it's like you can probably relate to this when you're like 21 or 31 depending on what your life is at.
That's kind of interesting that Jackie thinks it's like new girls older
because you're younger.
Yeah.
But I don't know exactly what age is there, but I know.
Wait, wait, when you watch TV shows.
So wait, what do you?
I guess I usually just assume they're my age,
which is why I assume they're my age in this.
I always think they're older than me.
Well, I guess it depends.
When I watched The Office, I assumed they were in their 20s,
but I was in high school.
Wait, I assume they're older watched The Office I assumed they were in their 20s but I was in high school and then wait I assumed
I assumed way older
in The Office
yeah
really?
yeah
I think
I think they're definitively
I think the actors
are in their 20s
like maybe Ryan
huh?
maybe Ryan
I would assume Jim was like
27, 28
at least when he started
I don't
I obviously don't know
the answer
but like
like Seinfeld I watched that when I was really young.
I assume they were in their 50s.
I know.
I know.
But I mean that's everything for me.
I like – one of the guys in the Mets, Starling Marte is 35.
And this always happens with sports but particularly with this one guy where it's like if I were to meet him, he be like like i'm his elder yeah yeah that's crazy to
me it's just like this grown man that i think of as like i'm like give me a hit and be a hero to
like make me happy i'm older there are all those ages of like i have one more thing to say about
nobody wants us but the like mine was always sports based like you as well
where you hit like
I remember Sidney Crosby was
which is weird because Sidney Crosby is actually older than me
but I remember when he got in the league
it was like damn the superstars are my age now
and then you hit a different age
where you're like the superstars are younger than you
and then
1978
he was 27.
At the beginning of the office.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess that's what's weird is like
the timing of it because you can watch it
forever. Right.
Born in the 70s is crazy
though. But the last thing
on Nobody Wants This.
It's very odd
that we just like allow jewish people to be racist
like yeah the way that that the way that that mother is like a bitch but in this kind of like
weird funny quirky endearing way when it was just like get out of my house white girl or black man
it would be like they have derogatory words for us. It's like you fucking shiksa
and you fucking goy.
Yeah.
We've had Ari on here.
Ari's the best with it
where he's just like,
he's like,
yeah, you guys are all goys.
And I don't know why we're allowed,
why we allow it.
Because we're not oppressed.
But it's like,
yeah,
but I think it's like,
it's like,
we are superior to you guys.
I'm like,
all right.
All right, Ari.
You can have that one.
Yeah, I mean, I...
We cannot ruin ourselves with your kind.
No, no, it is.
It's very aggressive.
I've asked Jewish people what they think of it,
and they say that they don't love the...
Like the... Portrayal of... Portrayal of Jewish people what they think of it, and they say that they don't love the portrayal of Jewish people.
Specifically this or just college?
Specifically this.
But they still think it's good.
They'll let us lie because it's cute.
Yeah, that is a funny thing.
I mean, it's similar to like
Italian and Irish and
Irish don't do that. No I'm saying that like
there are certain people you can
say certain things and we just kind of like don't
care.
Yeah.
You Italians get a little soft.
You used to be
in the boat with the mix.
And then as time went on I saw some shit on the internet that was like,
every time I called Yankee fans, like Wops and Guineas and Gindaloons and Goombas,
there's always some like, why are you allowed to say that?
And like, don't, you know, that kind of shit.
I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Deep down, I used to make fun of the Italians the most
because I know that we're kind of the most similar deep down.
I'm going to admit it. In a lot of ways, I think we're kind of the most similar deep down. I'm going to admit it.
In a lot of ways, I think we're super opposite,
but in a lot of ways, we're very similar.
So it's like, yeah, I can call you that.
It's almost like we're part of the same group.
And then all of a sudden, they started crying
a little bit.
It's basically Dante. Dante is carrying the toy.
We're like, we can't make fun of Italians.
Yeah, he used to do that a lot.
You're right.
You're right you're right
i hate that it's like there's nothing there's nothing to get upset about just fucking italian
you're doing fine but yeah i i would say the the italians we've kind of lost them
uh and the irish are really the last left. We're the last bastion.
Yeah, but we only got the one.
It's like Mick.
Yeah, but there's the tropes of like you beat your wife
and you drink too much and all that stuff.
And then we always say that.
When you earned it, you earned it.
Yeah.
When are you again?
Italian.
How much Italian?
Nichols is not Italian, is it?
Well, he used to be Nicolosi.
You know what?
How crazy is that?
I'm Jacqueline Nicolosi.
I'm Jackie Nicolosi.
How are you doing?
I would be like, you're fired.
You wouldn't even be here.
That is crazy.
So that was one of those Ellis Island, just like chop the yolk off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that was just like Nichols.
I guess I'm like French a little bit.
You look at that shirt, you look like a mime.
What?
You look like a mime.
I want also the shorts.
I'm going to say it.
They're really short.
But nothing ever matches with these shorts.
And the sweater matched so well.
And so I was like, I literally have to.
And I shaved my legs perfectly.
Like not right now because it was a few days ago. Well, I mean,, I literally have to. And I shaved my legs perfectly. Like, not right now
because it was a few days ago.
Well, I mean,
don't get me wrong,
they're hairy again.
But at some point in my life,
I have.
There's no like bumps
or razor bumps.
And I go,
God literally wants me
to wear shorts today.
So I had to.
Anyways,
I just wanted to have them.
And three days later.
But then when I came in the office,
and then I was like,
gaslighting myself.
I was like,
not that short.
It's fine.
And then I got to the office
and I was like,
I feel weird. Were people looking at you no but just like sometimes like
when i'm just around like i don't know other people the elders the elders of the office
um game time we love getting out to live events whether it's a live concert football game comedy
show we always use game time and the they are the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports.
You know how much we love GameTime.
And now with their brand new GameTime Picks feature, they're making it easier than ever to get to a game.
GameTime Picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats.
So you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets.
I was looking at the other day.
In fact, I am going to pull this up.
I was looking at checking out if, you know, God wills it so,
if the New York Liberty,
if the New York Liberty and the Minnesota Lynx go to game five,
I think I got to be in the building.
It is game five.
We'll be at Barclays Center.
Tickets here on GT Picks as low as $125 to be in the building. It is game five. We'll be at Barclays Center. Tickets here on GT Picks as low as $125 to be in the building.
The best two words in sports, game five.
Got to be in game five.
So what are you waiting for?
I'm going to buy these Liberty tickets right now.
Download the Game Time app today.
Use code KFC to easily score deals with the new game time picks what time is it
game time who i might call you nicolosi from now on they used to call me they like in middle school
they were like rhyming i think i've said this and then they were like jackie nichols choppy nipples
and then they all called you got yo you and your nipples and boobs got flamed. It's a miracle you're not as,
you're not more like,
you don't have issues.
Thank you.
We've all got some issues.
Thank you so much.
This was before boobs.
And it was like strictly just like a rhyming thing.
But then they all like called us in front of,
I remember like eighth grade graduation,
they all said it. And then my parents were like why does it have been sending nudes
really they said that to you no they didn't but i remember them hearing it and they like
looked at each other and then i was like by the way i haven't been like they just that's
so weird too though by the way like like to grow up in a as the nudes generation you know when did you send your first i remember
yeah you guys taking a picture with a digital camera and trying to like upload it to a computer
and send it which is perverted like too young for that i was it was to a girl at camp i went to i went to
camp one time wait did you print it no i like no that would be awesome yeah i was like sign seal
deliver i i sent you a love letter uh no but i tried to send it probably like through an aol
like i think at some point you could send like pictures on AIM or something like that.
Maybe just straight up an email.
I think I just tried to email my dad.
My junk mail.
Email my dad.
Junk mail?
Did you say junk mail?
That's a new girl.
But yes.
You know, it's like nowadays you'd be be like have you had like the sex talk and it's
like you have to have like the nudes talk you have to have the sexting talk yeah like sometimes
it's one thing when it's like boys are gonna try to like hook up with you you know you need to
make sure boys like wear a condom or like no means no and all that shit it's also be like now
like they're gonna send
you messages about wanting to fuck you yeah you know what i mean i feel like every like
my i don't know if this is like your generation or whatever but like there was always one girl
who got caught with like in middle school i remember there's one girl who sent nudes
and like everybody knew about oh she became like the like whatever no but like she was a great girl but then just she always had the
tag of slut yeah and then like it just like stuck with her but i feel like i've talked to my friends
like everyone always had always had like one girl who just like in middle school sent a nude
and then like it was just forever this so it's almost like the
opposite like not like i don't agree yeah it's like the opposite sending nudes is like the
opposite of running from a bear like you don't have to be first like like you say like running
exactly running from a bear like you don't have to be the first friend you just can't be the last
like when you send nudes like just let someone else go first and then you'd be in the middle they're the slut yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right right um the uh yeah i remember i i sent
mine for my first one in the sophomore year i had not hit puberty yet and i remember sending
on a kiosera phone that was like a it was yeah yeah so like rotate it up i remember that
not not a fucking pube in sight.
Shaved just for you.
That's probably a good sign that you should not be doing that.
You are a bald eagle.
You should wait a few more years.
Yeah, I've sent child porn before.
Yeah.
You've said that multiple times.
You like to brag about that.
What?
Sending child porn. porn before yeah you've said that multiple times you like to brag about that what sending child i knew i said i knew i've said i sent the key of sarah thing i didn't know i said job
i was always pretty scared of it like i feel like it was really
ingrained in me like i feel like did they say like did anybody say that to you or like you
because like i think after that girl got caught or whatever it was was sent around. Did the boys just send it around?
The boys sent it around.
I mean, don't bite the hand that feeds you.
I mean, don't be a scumbag.
But also, guess what?
Jackie Nicolosi's not sending any fucking news now.
I would think, and I have obviously no idea,
but I think that that was a thing that very much lived in a time vacuum.
I don't think kids are doing it too now at a very young age.
I don't know.
I've long said I'm in a post-new society.
But I almost think it's like cigarettes.
You hear what it did to your parents and you're like, never mind.
I'm not doing that fucking shit. Yeah, but aren't SIGs making a comeback now?
I thought I heard that SIGs are'm not doing that fucking shit. Yeah, but aren't cigs making a comeback now? Yeah, kind of. I thought I heard that cigs are back.
Big time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm...
Pat is like, yeah, oh yeah.
Like, I feel like...
Would I be cool if I smoked cigarettes?
You'd be cooler, for sure.
Right?
That's the problem.
Like, cigarettes are inherently cool.
I'm not going to do that.
But also, in a way, they're like inherently the biggest loser shit, too.
Yeah, but... Because It's like the only reason
You're doing it is to be cool
Yeah yeah
Which is the most uncool thing
Nah but they're good
I don't know
Oh my fly's open
This whole time guys
Sorry
Did you know?
Did you see?
No
Did you see?
Nah your leg's up
I can't see your fly
Oh
I mean it was wide open i thought you guys saw
and weren't saying anything help a brother out man that's not uh there was one time where like
i was like with a bunch of people and like his dick just kept poking out and i was like
yeah bear dick yeah out of the fly out of the fly but he okay he we were it was like he was wearing like
boxers and it was actually like his fly wasn't down now don't think of it it was like we were
at a frat house and like i don't really know he had a t-shirt on i don't really know anyways
his dick just kept poking out and i was looking around the room being like is anybody else
noticing this there's no end to that here here's one thing do not ever describe my dick as poking out it'll fall out
maybe
it can fumble
out of my
it can't
poking out
it's like a poking out
I think it just
goes like this
boop
well because
morally I didn't know
I was like
do I draw attention to it
I don't think he wants me
to draw attention to that
so I was like
I'm not going to say anything
but like
are other people noticing anyways one time I was in an elevator with a dude who was just
completely disheveled and overweight and just like not you know not looking great and he was just
barn door wide open and i i usually you know i just don't i just don't say anything to anybody
about anything yeah keep my head yeah and i just was kind of standing there, and I just leaned over, and I was like,
here flies home.
I think he was like, thank you.
But I just thought of, like, it's just so weird to be like,
I was looking at your dick.
It's almost out there.
I have a question.
I saw on Instagram the other day, and I'd heard whispers about this,
that Kamala has asked a few barstool shows i saw she's going on fishbowl right but i saw i saw chicken fry being like i don't
know like like asking her like followers she's like i really i'm not looking for your feedback
like should i have her on or not and i think that's such a crazy thing that like barstool
is now in a world where like the presidential candidate sitting vice president
is asking to come on and people
are questioning whether or not to come on
but then I thought to be clear she is not
asked to come on this show if she
did I don't think I would say yes
I think I think
it would either be like it doesn't
work you know like we can't do our
show here this isn't going to help you there's
really nothing for either of us here I think the only way we could do it is if we just like torpedoed it and
just like asked ridiculous shit and they would be like we can't air any of this yeah like i don't
think we could not just sit here and do the lip service you know right i didn't i didn't i didn't
watch uh all of uh of trump on flagrant but, but the montage, the compilation that Akash put up,
seemed like he actually asked some real questions.
And I think that's the only way to really do it,
is actually be prepared and ask real questions.
But that's just not this show.
No.
So it wouldn't make any sense to have her on.
And even if he is not.
Producer, I would force you guys to.
So I was going to say, I would force you guys to. I know.
So I was going to say,
I think you have to just for the notoriety.
But I...
We should just do ATI with her.
Yeah.
Or porn stars or murderers.
Immigrants or porn stars.
I mean,
that's one of those,
like,
I think you have to say yes just because.
I thought that at first, and then I thought about it more,
and I was like, there's nothing for anyone to gain here.
I would like to press her on the McDonald's thing.
What's the McDonald's thing?
She says she worked.
I just learned this last night.
First of all, Clemmer worked at McDonald's from 16 to 19.
Hilarious.
For 16 years? No, no, from 16 to 19. Oh.mer worked at McDonald's from 16 to 19. Hilarious. What? For 16 years?
No, no,
from 16 to 19.
Oh.
He worked at McDonald's.
I just think that's so funny
because you know
he took that shit seriously.
He had the visor on
with the head thing
and he said,
the drive-thru,
like,
McDonald's,
I'm like,
I think you ordered.
He's just making,
you know,
all this stuff
and,
but Kamala,
so I think I said something to to clemmer being like are you
fucking with me right now like did you actually work at mcdonald's and jack mack was like i know
somebody else who claims to have worked at mcdonald's and never actually did and apparently
she says that she she specified like the town and city and everything and she was like when i was a
young girl i worked at mcdonald's i guess i come to think of it i don't know how this would come out but apparently
in at least in jack mack circle it's like mcdonald's like disavows this like there's no
knowledge of kamala having ever worked at mcdonald's anywhere ever yeah okay so but in
their circle they're like that would be an insane thing to lie about. It's so easily checkable.
Yeah, well, I mean,
would it be, though?
How would you...
I mean, you could find out
where people...
Records of the teenagers
who worked there.
Where'd you pay your taxes from?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
It's like a pretty easily fixable lie.
Right.
Check your W-2.
What company did you get paid for?
Yeah.
Even when you're a pup like that, you have all those taxes, right?
I mean, you pay taxes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would...
If you could ask Kamala one ATI...
But I would like to press her on that and just get more McDonald's stories.
I don't know. That's the kind of shit I would like to press her on that and just get more McDonald's stories. I don't know.
That's the kind of shit I would be like, so what was it like when they first were selling
like Big Macs and shit or whatever?
Just do a totally non-political conversation.
But there's even like, everything's so political now, if you have anyone political, like even
if you don't have a political discussion, it is political.
Yeah.
And I think like it's just not.
It's not.
The juice is probably not worth the squeeze you'd probably get a lot of you
not even like i just don't think it'd be a good show right right like it's not even about
anything other than like i don't think any of us would be comfortable sitting here talking
oh heavens her included like no one would have fun doing the show so why would we do the show
no absolutely not would you do trump no Would you do any of the political candidates?
No.
You wouldn't do RFK?
I was going to say, no, RFK.
What?
That would be a good show.
I don't think you would.
I'll do anybody that has a good show.
I think he's got a good show in him.
Politicians, when we have A-list celebrities on,
I feel like you know they're going to give you a little lip service,
like you said, and do a little show kind of deal.
And I don't like those, and I think politicians are that.
Times a million.
Times a million.
But if you could be like,
whoa, what's up with that when you ate that bear?
Did you kill that falcon that one time?
Start throwing out all sorts of animals.
Any stories with hippopotamuses?
I don't know.
Would you do a push-up contest? Yeah. That kind of shit would be funny. Start throwing out all sorts of animals. Any stories with hippopotamuses? I don't know.
Like a push-up contest?
Yeah.
That kind of shit would be funny.
That would be good.
Speaking of ATI, Allison sent this.
Allison from Merch sent this to us.
I mean, this is ATI.
It had its moment in the sun, and it's still out there, but it's not our main focus of ours anymore.
But Answer the Internet was our YouTube show and subsequently our party game, card game.
And this was the review.
Four stars.
Great conversation starter, but 40% of cards need to be removed.
This game is very similar to my favorite party game, Bad Choices.
Anytime you buy an adult party game, Bad Choices. Anytime you buy
an adult party game,
it's ideal to go through the deck
and remove outrageous cards.
I love the concept
of Answer the Internet,
but 35% of the deck
were completely inappropriate,
even for a group of guys.
All of the cards that I removed
had a similar theme
of pornography,
masturbation,
and penis references.
The deck is still edgy
and fun after the edit,
but there are some cards that I don't know how someone's brain generated the card there are some obviously
socially awkward people who submitted these it's like bye answer the internet that would have me
be like bye bye bye bye i'll take two i'll take two it's a very accurate review there are there
are like if you're going through
nancy internet deck you're like a lot of jerking off in here well also i think what happens is i
don't know whether it's alphabetical or categories or whatever but they did get lumped together yeah
it's like would you jerk off on a pillow would you jerk on a couch jerk off on your mom i'm like
flipping through to get through like the jerks yeah next section i remember like when when the
app we had the app nick like had asked he was like maybe try filming something with your friends and
so my friends that i played and like we couldn't answer like any of that what would you do with
your penis well now there's the girl's pack now there's a girl's pack to buy the extended pack
that is a good answer the internet was very much a time time capsule
like a time stamp yeah yeah because like i still think there are there are great conversation
starters and great great funny questions then obviously shock value but but good ones and then
there are ones where it's just like i thought that was funny 10 years ago
like that's not funny at all that is so dumb and obviously gratuitous and like
and and i don't think that's like lame to to say that now but it's like but what am i doing right
now that i'm gonna think is lame in 10 years yeah or do you think you top out you think eventually like you plateau no no i think i hope you don't plateau i think you should always like you'll
change in 10 years and you'll look back on who you were 10 years ago and you're like oof those
are some weird thoughts yeah yeah i but part of me sometimes feels like once you reach
it depends on like what age you are and how you live your life. You know what I mean?
If you're like 35 with kids and a family versus like 50 with some older kids and a family,
I don't know.
I feel like you're not – I don't think you're changing as much.
It slows down.
The difference between 25 and 35 I think is from your sense of humor and your thoughts
and your opinions and all that I think, is from your sense of humor and your thoughts and your opinions and all that, I think, is massive.
But the media you consume is always going to evolve.
So that should theoretically make you change, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You'd hope.
Or do you not hope?
Do you think that's a bad thing?
I don't know.
I think it's a good thing.
I have, like, for some reason, I have first ever kfc radio episode downloaded because i was like
whatever and for some reason like whenever like i'm washing dishes or i can't use my change it
it like comes on so i just listen the whole thing but like the the voicemail so you did voicemails
and the voicemails are so different itself it's like yeah it's like like i want to fuck your fat
ankles i think like literally yeah i think i think to be getting they're so nice yeah well It's like, it's like, like, I want to fuck your fat ankles.
I think like literally,
I think,
I think the beginning,
they're so nice.
Yeah.
Well, it really evolved.
I mean,
in the beginning,
it was a lot of like animals fighting a lot of like,
do you think this animal is faster than this animal or,
or stronger than this animal?
A lot of like the,
would you rather stuff?
And then just people being like mean.
Yeah.
You're fucking ugly.
You've ever heard yeah
but that was like just the hosts but yeah so i mean we were we were like young dumb drunk
attracting young dumb and drunk i used to do like multiple shots before every show i know it's
really you were nervous right yeah yeah That's so crazy. Crazy.
I would, like, run.
I'd, like, accept the Zoom call or do Google Chat.
And I'd, like, run to the fridge and, like, do a few bowls of vodka.
And then, like, grab a beer.
Because we were drinking on the show.
It wasn't. It wasn't.
I'm a beer-weir boy.
It wasn't, like, a drinking show.
But it was, like, you know, I don't think it was weird to see, like, someone.
I don't even know if the video still exists.
But, like, someone drink a Bud Light.
Yeah, yeah.
We recorded at night.
It wasn't recorded during the day.
So it was like, it was like seven o'clock at night.
It was ahead of its time.
Yeah.
It was ahead of its time.
Because, you know, you get a bunch of people together drinking and podcasting now and it's
like a whole fucking thing.
Drunk podcasting is one of the things that you realize real quick is not a good product.
Yeah.
Like, let's get like shit based.
Like, let's do like a a power hour
with the audience and it's like this shit sucks yeah and i mean you have to be doing the power
hour with them if you listen to drunk podcasting sober it's atrocious do you remember the most like
the most infamous drunk podcasting i guess i can't say infamous because it was like such a
non-thing but captain cons went on the challenge show I don't know quitters you remember that I
remember the show yeah incident I think it was that it's like shellacked and
they're you know trying to break down like Johnny Bananas and shit which is
funny because also it's like who cares yeah talking about the challenge guys
but I think they were like yo Kevin Collins was sloshed.
I think I've said this before.
I've definitely said this on here before, but it's kind of crazy.
During COVID, my friends asked if you could have dinner with anybody.
Who would you?
Hold on.
I almost want to pull it up.
It's a good one.
It's a classic and i had said i was like honestly the two guys for my podcast because i
i have listened them so much and i think it's so weird that like they don't know anything about me
oh so you just want to sit there and just talk
jackie's dream has come true.
A little higher.
Maybe you could have been like, I don't know.
Who would you pick now?
I don't know.
Pick somebody like better than this and make that happen.
Okay.
But I really enjoy you guys.
I'm happy.
I mean, I'm still like, obviously, you know, I have whatever, but. I mean, I still hate you guys.
You guys are better than I ever thought. I mean, I'm still like, obviously, you know, I have whatever. I mean, I still hate you guys. No.
But like, you guys are better than I ever thought.
Wow.
That's very nice.
Don't let it go to your heads.
What did you say?
Don't let it go to your heads.
Oh, okay.
I already forgot.
I got the nice, truly the nicest message I've ever gotten.
And I'm prone to read the mean ones sometimes and complain about feedback but
this guy sent me truly where is it the nicest message I've ever I have ever gotten he goes
thank you for sacrificing the time and effort to organize and orchestrate the stream Kev
I know you could be many other places your talent is unfortunately underlooked because the mets and jets have stunk and you're not a gambler regardless hats off to the job you're doing i
recognize the time and effort you put into your work since i was a junior in high school in 2015
i can't wait until the rest of the world meets kfc all the best man i was like
i was like i can't believe you took the time to do that. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
Who is it?
Stranger.
Just a nice guy.
That's so nice.
Just being like, yeah.
Like last night at that stream, down nine, nothing.
Probably what?
Like 100 people watching us, right?
I was like, get me home.
That one sucked so bad to know you have like an hour and a half to get home after.
It wasn't that long, but it sucked a dick, man.
Are you guys going to keep losing?
Sorry.
Hope not.
Hope not.
Are they really good?
They are really good, but we can beat them.
We can beat anybody.
But if they play their best, they're very hard to beat.
But they beat the fucking dicks off us last night.
That was a bad one.
That was a real bad one.
Sweater weather pairs perfectly with savory fall foods.
But with your busy schedule, sometimes it's hard to eat the way you'd like.
That's where Factor comes in.
If you watch Surviving Barstool, you know I'm a Factor guy.
It is the most delectable meal I've ever had in the greatest misery of my
life.
I don't know why I say that.
Cause I didn't really care.
I had fun,
but their chefs do the shopping and the chopping to bring you fresh,
never frozen,
fully cooked meals right to your doorstep.
All you have to do is heat it and eat it.
All of the meals may are dietician approved.
So,
you know,
you're getting the nutrition you need along with the fall flavors you crave.
When it comes to meals, everyone wants the same thing, options.
That's why Factor offers 35 wholesome meals every week, including gourmet plus, keto, calorie smart, vegan, and veggie,
so you'll always find something that you love that suits your lifestyle.
This fall, you've got a lot going on outside of the kitchen.
Keep your plans and turn to Factor.
They deliver fresh, nutritious, chef-prepared
meals ready to eat in just
two minutes. It's crazy.
The steaks are somehow pink in the middle.
It's delicious.
It's a new science they're doing
over there. So go check it out. Head to
factormeals.com slash KFC50.
Use code KFC50. Get
50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.
That's a total of 70% off.
I did the math that fast.
That's code KFC50 at FactorMeals.com slash KFC50.
Get 50% off your first box, 20% off your next box, 70% off two months worth of food.
Oh, did you see the tesla robot people um i i saw a tweet saying uh
elon musk says that the tesla robots can quote do anything you want them to do and the guy replied
like well if you can stand up to my stepfather greg at thanksgiving count me in dude you only
saw one it's i figured it was like a musk pushing it on X thing because like it's it was my entire Twitter feed all week.
Really?
But why do we make them look like people?
Yeah.
Good point.
Like I'd rather they don't look like people.
Probably to take over the world one day and like, yeah, like just make them like a box.
Just make it like there's no need for it to look like a person.
Yeah.
Agreed.
Oh, that's it's more uncomfortable to walk in your
house and a robot person's there yeah then like a robot they say that there's uh there's a term
for this it's uh when things are like humanoid human-esque the uncanny valley yes yeah you've
talked to me about this right it's like when when they reach that level it's too much people freak
out yeah yeah when it's like clearly a robot you're okay
and if it's human you're good but if it's like this yeah it's like what cartoon is that i believe
the origin of it i don't know about the uncaged where i learned of it at least is 30 rock um
they're talking about making porn and it's like you don't want to hit polar express
yeah animation and like polar express is too weird they don't look like you don't want to hit polar express yeah animation and like polar express is too weird
they don't look like they don't look cartoon enough very strange and like that's kind of
what with these things like i don't need it to first of all also they're not robots
what does that mean they're just they're controlled by people the person inside that
it's not it's a person is wearing a heptic. So they move in a different room and they're just moving.
And they were like, look at the robots.
They're not robots.
That's technically a robot.
But you can't get it because then you have to get the person.
Yeah.
And also just have the person pour the drinks.
Yeah.
Why are you having a robot out here controlled by a person?
You're pouring it.
Just have.
Yeah.
Also, I would have no interest in these like as a thing like if like i did one of the videos yeah this bartender i'd be
like either can i pour this fucking thing myself or can a person come pour this because this robot
has been really goddamn slow um but like oh creepy you need a person and a robot to make a robot work
just use a person well probably for right now right i guess the idea is that eventually you
would it would you don't need it i don't know i would guess so i i saw
have you heard about the the the tesla taxi robo taxis or something like that yeah the bus
no well it's like it's an old twitter joke is it like every six months some tech guy reinvents the
public bus yeah but it was interesting in that
they were like you hop in your your robo taxi and it brings you to like the baseball game they're
like imagine there's no parking lot at the baseball game anymore because everyone's just
getting dropped off and then while you're at the baseball game it's like an uber for you and it
just like makes money picking up people and dropping them off you earn money and then it comes picks you back up yeah that'd be pretty cool the bus if you owned your own bus
i guess that drove around and collected money from people yeah yeah i mean i don't think that's
something that we have right now is that a personal bus that picks up people and drops
them off while you watch a baseball like Well, that's just like a train.
Isn't that just a train?
You own the car.
But you could buy the bus.
Oh, it's a little pot.
And you could do it.
I guess you could buy a bus.
Yeah.
Right?
You've got to buy this thing, right?
Yeah, but where would you buy a bus?
The bus store.
The bus store.
I mean, they sell buses.
I don't know exactly where you buy them but they for sure sell them
I don't know why this reminded me of it
I'm done with trying to explain my thought process
I'm just gonna if something's random I'm not
you've been waiting for that
that's what podcasting is man
well then I actually have two things
one trail mix if trail mix has M&M's
we went way off though
if trail mix has
whoa cool that's the bus that's the bus from the bus store if trail mix
has m&ms in it do they have to pay a dividend to m&m yes but that's why you should call them
chocolate candies i think like if you read the label a lot probably don't have like the m's on
it's like candy coated chocolate rather than m&m if yes but if you if i think planters might have
actual m&ms in it, in which case, yes.
I also could imagine that
they're all owned by
Procter & Gamble or something, so at the top.
Okay, easy answer.
Second, the way I
halted a conversation,
I was thinking because robots and then homeless
people, like conspiracies, whatever.
You said you weren't going to explain it.
I said I wasn't going to explain it. i was like with yale people again and just like some rich just like whatever
and they were talking about homeless people they're like it's getting so bad like you know
in in soho like where we live whatever and i was like yeah but like they're like and they're all
talking to themselves they're all so drugged out and i was like yeah but like don't we kind of
think like maybe they're talking to somebody or like i was like maybe like i was like i kind of am with them like i feel like they're
like there's something to it and they all looked at me as if and i was like i was like kidding
i wanted to kill myself after you think they're talking like a higher power or something
what you think they're talking to somebody? Well, I was just like, they're onto something.
They're all talking to people.
Maybe they're in the right, the homeless.
If they're all talking to people, don't you think that there's something to it?
No.
Conversation?
Okay, so this is how the Yale people react.
It's like, don't you think, like, never mind.
Who do you think they're talking to?
You ever been fucked up just mumbling to yourself?
Who are you talking to?
No, but like they're clearly talking to somebody.
Like they're yelling at somebody.
And like, it's like if a bunch of people say that they saw a ghost,
then like, okay, maybe there's ghosts.
But they're not all talking to the same person.
I know, but the fact that they're talking to other people, like they're clearly seeing somebody. Like maybe they're seeing like a different realm. Yeah but they're not all talking to the same person i know but but the fact that they're talking to other people like they're clearly seeing somebody like maybe
they're seeing like a different yeah they're on drugs no this is the point you're just like the
oh my god wait so you think so you think they're sober and they're just talking to people no i
think that they're on drugs but they're able to see something that we can't well sure for sure
i agree with you but like but like maybe we're just unable to see something that we can't. Well, sure. For sure. I agree with you. Hallucinogens.
But maybe we're just unable to see.
Maybe they know more than us.
They've unlocked something in their third eye.
Yeah.
And yeah, I'm kidding.
I knew you were going to say that.
And of course, this is all a joke.
You know what? You should do it.
I think at this point, you need to make the Yale kids a bit like go in there and say some wacky shit on purpose and just see how much you can really push the envelope with them.
Yeah.
They would not know what to do with some of that.
I think Planet of the Apes is real.
I think they're going to take over.
What do you guys think?
Pardon me.
I mean, I'll push you in touch with my uncle.
Yeah.
What?
I said I'll push you in touch with my uncle. Yeah. What? I said, I'll put you in touch with my uncle.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got one last night.
Did you?
Wow, he's real consistent with you.
Yeah.
Every time this comes up, he's like, yeah, you talked to me last night.
I got 454 yesterday.
Meanwhile, in monkey news, monkey briefly escapes containment at Memphis Zoo.
Oh, wow.
I'm like, where are you getting news from Fox 13 Memphis?
He's like, it just finds me, brother.
Really?
Did he have monkey searches?
He said no.
I'm like, dude, you're definitely just Googling monkey.
No one has this much monkey information.
Everybody gets monkey, right?
Everybody gets monkey updates.
No, Charlie.
Nobody does.
That's really fucking funny.
What's this one?
I'm just going through links you sent me now.
Is there a monkey on the loose in North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina?
Here's what we know.
I mean, one day, he'll be right.
I don't think he'll be around for it.
One day, Abe'll be right. I don't think he'll be around for it. One day, Abe shall take over.
Did you see Lieutenant Dan from Tampa?
Yeah, I saw him.
Did we talk about this already?
We haven't talked about him yet.
So Lieutenant Dan is the guy from Tampa who refused to leave during the hurricane,
and then he kind of went viral because of it,
and people helped him out and showed up at the dock he was of it and people helped him out and like showed
up on the dock he was at and they helped him move his boat and they're like it's not gonna be safe
over here it's gonna be safe over here here's how you tie it up and you know make sure that you're
you're you're safe and um and they did all that and he went viral and then aiden ross uh the
streamer yeah said i'll give you a hundred thousand dollars
either either cash or to buy a new boat and then people were like this man is like a 15 time
convicted felon and maybe that's an exaggeration but i do think he's got a lot of priors and um
and so we took it back and then like lieutenant dan did an interview after that not an interview
a tiktok where someone was filming him, exploiting him.
And he was like, that man should have done his due diligence first.
And I just thought it was ridiculous.
Lieutenant Dan used the phrase due diligence and was like, I'm in the right here.
This guy is taking back his contribution and that's bullshit.
He should have figured it out ahead of time.
And I was like, God damn it, I'm on Lieutenant Dan's side here.
Do your due diligence before you go around giving out hundreds of thousands. And I was like, God damn it, I'm on Lieutenant Dan's side here. Do your due diligence
before you go around
giving out hundreds of thousands of dollars
to homeless people.
He had,
I think it's right,
I didn't watch the video,
but I saw a video where it's like,
it was him sitting on the boat
and it was like Lieutenant Dan
saying the N word.
There was a tweet that was like,
within 24 hours,
Lieutenant Dan is going to say the N word.
It took eight hours.
The fastest milkshake duck of all time.
But I mean, for real, Aiden Ross should have done your due diligence
or just thought one second ahead.
You don't have to do due diligence.
Just stereotype.
Right, right.
The one-legged man living on a boat in Florida.
Wait, he only has one leg?
He's got a couple priors.
One leg, yeah.
That's what I call that, yeah.
The modern-day pirate in Tampa Bay.
Yeah, peg leg.
No fucking kidding.
He lives on a boat and he has one leg.
He's a pirate.
Yeah.
No kidding, he's not a stand-up citizen.
You expected this man to not say the N-word to you?
Of course he's going to say the N-word.
Well, what did he do?
He's the boy who lived.
Like what? he do? He's the boy who lived. Like what?
The crimes?
I think a lot of it is like petty stuff,
but I'm sure there's some assault mixed in there.
I do think there's some felons, so he's probably a bad dude.
I'm just hoping he didn't murder or rape anybody right now
because I'm just kind of poo-pooing it, you know?
But he looks a lot like Goldberg.
Who?
I was going to say the guy with no arms.
Yes, he does look like that too from Dave's Pizza Reviews.
He looks like right out of Central Casting for a pizza review.
But also remember when Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks hit hard times?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He had a big time crackhead face.
That kind of looked like if he shaved his head, he would look a lot like that, dude.
I can't believe it.
Lieutenant Dan would have the gall to say the N-word, the man with the duct tape boat.
KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Halloween lets us have fun with what scares us.
But what about the fears that don't involve zombies and ghosts?
Therapy is a great way great
tool for facing your fears and finding ways to overcome them because sometimes the scariest
thing is not facing our fears in the first place and holding ourselves back that is terrifying
um you know we've talked about it ad nauseum on the show therapy's helped everyone here uh
believe jackie used to use BetterHelp.
Everyone's been around the block. Everyone's better for it. So if you're thinking of starting
therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible,
and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched
with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists at any time for no additional
charge. You can do it all online. You can do it all online you can do it texting you can do it zooming you can do it on the phone does not matter you don't have
to go in person of the way you have to carve out two hours of your day to have a one-hour
conversation um overcome your fears with better help visit betterhelp.com slash kfc today to get
10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash kfc how's that pretty good well i'm just
doing all these like random places kind of like putting together this new hour i was gonna say
are you on like since you're right on the precipice are you still doing new stuff or
none none like this was like 100 like a full new hour so i'm going to like real shitholes. You still like that?
I mean,
I like this better
than like
bombing for an hour
in front of like
a sold out crowd.
Yeah,
it's like,
you know,
I think it was,
we did four shows.
Have we started?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah,
we did four shows
and it's
basically like a
300 person theater place
or whatever,
right?
So they were like,
you know,
I'm not going to sell 1,200 tickets in Fort Wayne.
Yeah.
To be honest, it went better than I thought.
Yeah.
I think for the last five months, like eight hours a day,
that's all I did was try and put together a new – because I was so stressed out about going and doing a fresh hour.
Yeah, yeah.
And then by when I actually started, I was like, okay, I think I got this.
That's got to feel like the most –
every time I see you guys put out one
and then start a new one,
it just,
it's got to feel like
you're just rolling the ball up the hill.
It's very Sisyphean.
It's 100% highs and lows
because at the beginning,
first you put it out
and then you're just like,
yo,
I don't think I could ever,
I don't know how I wrote a single joke.
And then like when you finally,
the first time you're like,
oh,
I can actually do this.
You're like,
I might be the best comedian alive. As as it clicks you go from dude i'm quitting comedy that's
retired that's it and then you start existing because you know just it being good where you're
like i just did an hour it was smooth everyone had a good time no one would know that this is
like a mess you're just like oh then
you start being like okay well it's not great but you're like no one's complaining to management
the the new hour i'm so bad with names what's the name of it uh problem solved problem solved
youtube it's very very very funny thank you for watching the dude one of your first jokes was something I went through literally the other day when
you were talking about women breastfeeding.
Dude, I was on the subway the other day, and it was like you said.
I don't know if you said lizard brain or male brain or whatever it was.
We're like, I just spotted it.
You see one?
Some woman's brain.
I see a man. I see a girl.'ve seen like the whole rest of the subway ride i was trying to look the other way yeah and my brain's just going dude there's a
tit in the room what the fuck are you doing and i was like and i got i was on the subway with a girl
i got off and i was like did you see that woman's breast out she's like no i was like i knew in
did you show her you're like well i got pictures. You're in luck. I'll airdrop it to you.
Yeah, there is something about that, right?
Have you not seen on Instagram the breastfeeding algorithm?
I got in the algorithm.
Really?
See, this is the reason.
And it's just a fucking tit.
It's just a kid sucking a tit. And sometimes the baby's fake.
That's the new scam they got going on, right?
Oh, my God.
One of those new board with it.
You want American Sniper with it?
No, it's a doll.
Yeah, no, no, but there's one of those things called,
they make those dolls for people who like their babies die
and they're like hyper real.
That seems like a bad consolation.
So we have bad news and good news.
They're called like unborns
or something like that
it's like hashtag unborns
they're like super real
for the women
to like have something
to like ease them back
into
it's crazy
seems like it wouldn't
help all that much
seems like a constant
reminder that
the real one's dead
I don't know
kid was eaten by wolves
however
well
so they just have a doll
yeah and there's a whole you know it's only fans chicks
figured out like an algorithm like a hack right and then i'm sure you've had this too anytime
you're like all my algorithms this everyone hits you with like the algorithm gives you what you
want to see like that's on you and you're like well yeah if i'm walking like if you're on the
bus and it grills their tits out yeah i might be looking longer than i looked at everyone else
because i'm a human being you took five extra seconds for that tit so now you're getting nothing
but breastfeeding the whole time that's the algorithm that never worked it's like i watched
one thing one time out of morbid curiosity yeah and i hated it even i looked at a few dick
enlargement videos dude i always think that on on uh on porn where like the only thing i ever get to start my
porn now is like do you want a fucking ugly old woman i'm like what dude no
it used to be like horny old women in your area or like singles in your area
mine is just like it's just do you want to it's like, do you want to, it's like, ugly. I'm like, why did it specify ugly?
Like, what the fuck is that, dude?
Busted chicks in your area.
You seem like a guy who likes an ugly bro. Beat widows in your area.
You say anything, say anything.
I'd rather have you say, you want to fuck a guy in your area than an ugly woman.
Like, at least I'm a fucking hot guy.
Yeah,
yeah,
because that's a commentary on you,
right?
Yeah,
like,
now you're talking about my standards as a person.
Forget about my taste.
We're just talking about what my,
my self-respect is.
There was a guy I met when I was on tour
and he was a pool boy.
So we got to chat.
And he was like,
no,
like an actual pool boy?
Yet legitimate,
like meat and potatoes pool boy
right
and obviously
we're like
yo you ever smash the girls
and he goes
once or twice he has
and I've been like
kind of saying this now
but he basically
what he told me
this is his words
and he's like
dead serious
and his friend was corroborating
that like he's told this before
doesn't make it true
but you know
like basically
he said it was widows
and it was two different
ones and it'd be like a girl that was like 80 years old and he said she'd just be like lying
there while he's doing the pool stuff and then she starts like pulling her bikini down and then
that's then one thing yeah that's why i said i'm like yeah but you didn't have to fuck her right
and he's like we kind of do though like the game's the game well dude you know we took an honor code
like we took an oath, man.
Pool boy.
Oh, you know what I was going to say is that, like, there is a, so my parents have a pool.
And, like, sometimes when I'll go home on the long weekend or something like that, like,
the pool boy will be around.
And I'll be laying by the pool and the fucking pool boy starts cleaning it.
John's fucking.
Tension starts coming.
It's like, we both feel like someone's going to fuck someone.
It's like, I'm just vacuuming the pool, man.
Put your dick away.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's like by the pool boy, my parents' pool boy is like a 72-year-old Portuguese man.
And I'm like, Jacques, do you want to fuck, dude?
That's your dad being like, there's no chance this is happening.
Yeah, my mom doesn't play tennis.
I'm not that guy that's funny though to be like
like once or twice uh just he says and the other one the other algorithm that i always find funny
than like the breast one this is more recently the disability tiktok like have you seen there's
a guy that just he has no arms and legs and he literally just rolls around and it's the same thing like yeah i look because the first time you're like what the
fuck and then you know then that's just before like within a week your whole deal is just all
guys rolling around no arms no legs then they're like oh you like that you're gonna love this guy
with no face like and before you know it it's just a fucking freak show. I got stuck in some sort of Christian algorithm where they're like anti-masturbation, anti-sex, whatever.
That's the fun stuff.
They make songs about it.
So, of course, I'm watching it being like, these guys are fucking dorks.
But now I just got fed all.
They're like, do you want to masturbate?
Don't do it, man.
Tune into my channel.
And I was like, this is fucking wacky it's
like the cool youth past yeah yeah totally like and you know that they're probably like the biggest
perverts of all it was like a guy and a girl i'm like these two are probably fucking yeah they're
probably the creepiest you know did it get your head at all uh well i did buy the bible watch
yeah i i the other day the other day no not at all i did give them money i bought a bible like
it showed up in my house and i was like i don't think i ordered anything recently and open up the
amazon box and it's a it looks like a fitbit you're like no i already jerked off that was
and then so i i got the fucking i opened it up it's like it's a bible watch i still don't even
know what it means and then i was like did i buy this like it's like maybe i bought this as a joke and then i saw in my algorithm it's a video of like this guy he grabs a box of tissues
and lube and he's like and you see them like moving towards the camera he's like whenever i
think of this i think of this that's why i bought it because this is fucking ridiculous i think i
was gonna bring it in here like give it to him or wear it myself or whatever but so it's some
it spits out like Bible verse.
Now you know if you see a guy walking around with one of those, that's hilarious.
You've been jerking.
There was a guy who used that thing like a donut.
You put it right in.
I'm not on a bat.
Yeah, you wear it on your dick hand.
Oh, baby.
It feels like nothing now.
Bible verse is now freewheeling, dude. feels like nothing now we went to high school with a guy that he's like i haven't seen him in a while
but in our group chats this guy was the whole deal for like a year and a half because he was uh he
was he was uh what do you call it like chronicling his journey of being a masturbation addict oh
really black dude that we went to high school with. I was thinking you went to high school with Terry Crews?
Did Terry Crews have that?
Yes, yes.
Big time, big time.
He's like crying in the front of the car.
He was like,
the addiction to porn's a real thing.
That's right.
What, dude?
No way.
He was also the one who was assaulted, right?
I think they both kind of got wedged in.
I remember the
porn addiction. Terry Crews
had an assault and his basic thing
was he went to a party and there's like this
gay Hollywood producer who grabbed his ass.
Yes, yes, yes. And then he
went online being like,
I was disrespected.
It's like, you were, but come on, bro.
You're like the 300 pound dude.
You're the office linebacker dude
Right
You know what to do
Beat that guy up
Tell him to fucking stop
And he probably will
Yeah
Probably a stern talking to
Would have been fine
You know what I mean
But
It's hard to
It's real hard to have sympathy
For that one
But I didn't know
So he's a masturbation addict too
Yeah
He was like
I just remember one video
I don't even think I watched it
So he me too'd his own hand as well.
That's got to be crazy.
When you're like, even when I heard about sex addict,
and the first time I heard that, I'm laughing.
I'm like, no, it's not real.
And you hear about these people who it controls their lives.
But at least they're fucking.
See, sex addict.
You're a masturbation addict.
You got fired from your job because you didn't leave your house because you were masturbating?
That's fucking insane, man.
Yeah.
Like, sex addict, all right.
Like, I don't know.
Tiger Woods is like, he had every woman at his disposal.
Like, I can understand that.
That's a thing.
You can't put your fucking hand away for an eight-hour shift.
Well, I mean, problem solved.
Like, leave your house.
Yeah, right.
You know what I mean?
Or maybe not. I don't know know that's when you run into real problems
we used to have
find in every bathroom
Asa Akira
porn star used to be a co-host
on the show and she used to say
she'd be like I am a half hour late for
everything because I can't stop
masturbating it's like you're the best
that's what she says
yeah it's cooler when it's a girl.
Yeah, right, right.
Guy, total pervert, deviant.
Girl, you're awesome.
What's your only fan?
Like, awesome.
We'll work around your schedule.
Whatever you need.
Yeah.
Every time she's late, I'm like, oh, man.
I know what's going on now.
Terry Crews, though.
Yeah, but yeah, it would be like, I guess the idea is
it's like, you know,
dudes that are 20
that, you know,
never had a girlfriend.
They're just nonstop
and then it's a cycle
where you're like,
well, now I'm not even
talking to girls.
I guess you're like,
yeah, that's a problem.
I don't know.
You have one of those lock boxes
and then when you finally do,
the timer goes up
and then it's payday.
It's always even better.
I'm on time, dude.
I'm on time.
I'm sure there's, I think it's more, better hammer time dude I'm sure there's
I think it's more
if you grew up on this
generation of porn you're probably warped
in the head for sure on what
is going to be really going on in the bedroom
anything you want anytime immediately
it's like you're not making those noises
you're not I can't like punch you in the face
while we're doing this but
yeah it's not crazy but
like for a guy like terry cruz it's like stop trying to have adversities you know
it's one of the more ridiculous and then everybody like like went along with it being like yeah no
it can happen to like you too and it's like come on we're all we're all being silly now
well i think the christ Christian masturbation addicts,
they're kind of, a lot of those dudes are probably like,
you know, it's once a week.
Right, right.
They do it all.
They have succumbed to it once a week.
I'm going to hell.
Yeah, exactly.
Brother, you should have seen me from 1997 to 2001.
You want to talk to Keith Richards?
He can survive it.
I just went to a funeral that had a gay priest
doing the funeral ceremony.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, it was interesting. I mean... And he was like zesty too like full on yeah yeah it was it me and my brothers were like interesting okay that was a new school church i don't want to say lines from
your show but now that might be my favorite one now i'm thinking about it which one like I don't think being gay is a choice. How gay you are is.
You don't have to do all that.
Bit of a choice, yeah.
You could stop that if you wanted to.
I forgot about that.
That's very funny.
It's the only sexuality with an accent.
I was thinking about that.
I feel like I've heard.
I said if pedophiles had an accent,
that would solve the whole problem.
A guy showing up
here for the coaching.
Not you.
Not you.
You're out.
Not talking like that.
You're not.
I feel like I heard a story.
A comic was on a podcast
recently.
There's so many of them.
So many clips out there now
who was saying like he
he knew a guy
who was gay in high school
and like talked normal
and acted normal and acted normal,
and then they reconnected however many years later,
and it was the full-blown performance.
Oh, yeah.
I know multiple of those.
I know one that's a chick now.
Yeah, I guess.
I guess it's all on the same line there, yeah.
No, but yeah, putting on the...
I mean, that's not even...
I don't need a hot take to say that.
The gay guy accent, not...
They weren't born with it.
I don't think that's a hot take.
We have a guy here, Pat, who's gay.
He's the worst gay in the world.
No accent?
No accent.
The first time he walked into the office,
it was like, you see the new Trump clip
when someone's like, gays for Trump.
He was like, where are the gays for Trump?
He was like, you're not gay.
He goes, you don't look gay.
And that was the whole office when Pat walked in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
We're expecting.
No one had seen his face.
It was just email.
And he was, at the time, to get into Barstool, was like, I'm going to be the hockey writer,
and I'm going to be the baseball writer, the golf writer.
And then he was like, I will cover the gays.
That was his thing, doing gay news and gay comedy. What's the show? He does the show? Yeah, he does Out and About. Out and About. Yeah, the golf writer. And then he was like, I will cover the gays. Like that was his thing, doing like gay news.
Is that who does the show?
He does the show?
Yeah, he does Out and About.
Out and About.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So in the beginning, this was just like blogging.
So it was just like, I think his name on the blog was Gay Pat.
Gay Pat, for sure.
It was just Gay Pat.
And he was just like in the news.
He's a funny guy.
Yeah, yeah.
But then he showed up and it was like, so where's Pat?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Where is he?
White trash.
Yeah.
The opposite of that one.
I like two dudes.
I knew that were like, everyone knew was gay, but then like, uh, but weren't at the time
cause we were younger.
And then later on I ran into the one and I was like, oh, you're gay now.
Like, yeah, obviously.
Right.
And he was like, yeah, of course.
And then I go, what about the other guy?
Like this other dude
i'm like jeff he's gay too and he goes yo he told me he goes i ran into him and i was saying the
same thing like yo maybe we should fuck we're obviously gay now right yeah and then he goes
christian married with a wife no full accent like even when we were younger like full like
just you've never met any like the classic like, like, you know what I mean? Married Christian wife.
And he wasn't Christian then,
like went Christian,
like the masturbation addict.
This guy legit prayed the gay away.
He just gives you a call
on the algorithm.
He's like,
all right,
here's the answer.
Yeah,
dude,
you probably found on that stuff.
He prayed the gay away.
There's a guy,
a black comic in New York
that went to pray the gay away camp
and he says he's,
stays off the dick.
He tries to, he relapses
i'm about to fuck him yeah i'm about to fuck this guy right now tell me walk talk me off the ledge
man that's so funny being like oh i'm ready to put in my mouth right now
you can't stop me you can't stop me. You can't stop me.
He's at the other side of a glory hole.
It's coming through.
What he says a lot of Pray the Gateway camp is,
it's like therapy,
but very alpha male kind of shit a little bit,
but with a tad of, I guess, emo-ness.
Because he said it was like you had like a pillow
and you would yell
stuff into the pillow
that you were like
actually mad at your dad about
you know what I mean
like you never picked me up
from soccer or whatever
he said there's a lot
of that kind of stuff
like
like you know
getting the rage out
real straight shit
yeah totally
totally straight
the only thing worse
than that are the
the guys who go to these Navy SEAL camps,
like the ex-Navy SEALs, to become like alpha men.
Oh, yeah, the alpha male camps.
They're just like crying with each other.
That one where he's pushing him back and he starts crying
is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
The alpha male camps, you almost feel bad too
because you know it's just two dudes that were like,
oh, I'm going to go hang out with billionaires.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to become a man.
I'm going to make so many connections.
And you go, and it's just a bunch of you.
It's a bunch of you.
There's one guy yelling at you.
There's no connections to be made.
It's a bunch of guys thinking they're going to make these connections.
Oh, look at this.
This is so bad.
Oh, there's one.
Fuck.
I can't remember what it was called.
I wish I could remember the name of it but uh it's like they do a conference and they have a part of
it for girls and they have a conference of how to be a better wife and it was like why dinner needs
to be on the table and like all this shit and it was like why your husband now we're talking yeah
now i can get behind that yeah and then like why your husband should be allowed to cheat.
That was one of the seminars.
Just saying like imagine telling your wife like, all right.
I went to the conference, honey.
All right, I'm going to the bodybuilding seminar.
I got you signed up for the why your husband should be allowed to cheat at 2 p.m.
We're supposed to be at Sandals this weekend.
Instead, we came to fucking this.
The seventh commandment, you know, I'm going to fucking this the seventh commandment you know i'm allowed
to i'm gonna go fuck the uh fuck the pool boy why why you should be like your husband should be
allowed to cheat it was like called 802 conference it was something like that i can't remember but
yeah no these are i mean it's the ultimate grifters and i i almost i gotta tip my cap to
the guys who are making the money the more you have to tip your cap to the ones that haven't, like I tip my cap to the ones less that like made a ton of money.
And now they're kind of,
you know,
this is their new hustle.
I tip my cap more to the guy that has done nothing.
And he's selling you how to get rich.
He's getting rich.
And the only thing he's ever done is tell other people how to get rich.
Yeah.
What,
what,
what step one,
find fucking idiots like yourself. It's like, it's like a YouTube video on people how to get rich yeah what what step one find fucking idiots
like yourself it's like it's like a youtube video on like how to beat the algorithm and it has 3 000
views the the the the trad wife thing oh that is like so popular now uh-huh is one of the crazier
things i've ever seen like how does that get again i i don't like
i think it's that one doesn't surprise me that one doesn't surprise you well if you're okay if
you're not if you're a certain type of woman and then there's a woman on there being like
showcasing you know look how sick my life is but none of them again again i yeah they're aspiring
trad they're they're beating the algorithm. Everything I see, I'm like,
you're in
an outfit from Plymouth
Plantation, and you're making your own
butter. What is the appeal
here?
You've had nine kids.
I guess people do want that.
They're all fucking religious.
There's probably two parts to it.
The first part is it's always funny
when you watch the guy
that has to be in it
and he doesn't want to
so it's like you know
the wife starts doing
the trad wife content
and now the guy's gotta be
like a fucking influencer
right
and then the second part of it
I'm sure that when the girl
started being like
oh I'm gonna make
these Instagram videos
the guy was like
finally something
for this woman to do
instead of just like
sitting around
bothering me right
and then afterwards
he probably is like
this is a nightmare this one was the crazy one when the whole world was like this girl oh
this is a ballerina is that the pookie thing no this girl was like uh really successful right and
like dropped everything to become a a housewife oh and like and then she posted like you know
her fucking milking the cows and picking up the eggs and raising 95 kids.
And her husband sucks.
And the whole internet was like, blink twice if you're fucking kidnapped.
What's wrong with the husband?
What does he suck?
He's just like, no, people don't.
I don't think he's anything terrible.
He's not terrible, but people speculate.
There's one video where like.
Oh, wait. Is this? And then the guy shit. He's not terrible, but people speculate. Like, there's one video where, like... Oh, wait.
Is this...
And then the guy went to jail or something after?
Something crazy happened.
No.
Oh, no.
This was the one where he booked the ticket next to her on the plane.
I don't know about that.
You know what I'm talking about?
It was something like...
Well, there's an info...
I'm almost positive it was his dad, like, owns JetBlue.
And he saw this girl...
And people are wondering why she was with him?
Yeah, right, right, right. Knew that she was going to be on this flight, so are wondering Why she's with him Yeah right right right
Knew that she was
Going to be on this flight
So he like booked the ticket
Like right next to her
And was like
You know made it like
Candid
Like we just happened to meet
And it was like
All planned out
And she like gave up her life
As like a
Juilliard ballerina
She had said no before
Like I don't want to
Like go on a date with you
And then he booked the flight
Right
And he like
Tracked her down I don't think anything terrible And then it worked Dude that is like a There was a video of her to um like go on a date with you and then he booked the flight right and he like tracked her
down i don't think anything terrible worked and then dude that is like there was a video of her
opening up her like a birthday present and and he's like here's your birthday present honey and
it's a box and she goes like this doesn't look like a trip to greece like we talked about honey
and then like they open it more and it's like an envelope and she's like i don't think a trip to
greece can fit in here and it's like a gift card to like the farmer yeah, and it's like an envelope. And she's like, I don't think a trip to Greece can fit in here.
And it's like a gift card to the farmer.
Yeah, an apron.
It was almost scripted.
I could see you doing a skit like this.
She opens up a fucking apron at the end.
And she's like, great.
And also, to be fair on her, the judgment she was making,
a trip to Greece only fits in an envelope.
Yeah, whatever it was that she was saying. She was just like, I Greece only fits in an envelope. Yeah. Whatever, whatever it was,
she was just like,
I don't know.
It's exactly where it's going to be.
I don't think this is what we talked about. I don't think a plane can fit in an envelope.
Honey,
um,
back on YouTube.
Don't give some videos to me.
So I thought you were talking about the family.
Cause there was one recently.
And then basically it was like an influencer family and everyone was in it.
And then now the girl's going to jail for like a while.
And the kids were all like malnourished and being forced.
Oh, yeah, that one was crazy.
You know, they're on treadmills like forced to Japanese, like live stream 10 hours a day.
They were like the number one mom influencer family.
And the kid, he was duct taped up in the house and he escaped ran over
to the neighbors and was like he was like the kid was like do you have a telephone and the the old
man in the house next door was like oh he had bruises on him and everything he's like uh i
think we need to call the police that woman that woman is a real piece of shit that yeah uh ruby
frank she is a fucking scum i would imagine that minimum 50% of parent influencers are freaks.
Yeah, minimum.
Like, bare minimum.
Because it's like, once you see how any of the YouTube,
it's like Hollywood, you know what I mean?
And if you're Hollywood and your act is like your family,
you're not a normal fucking family.
Hell no.
And so you're going to be abusing these kids or whatever.
Even the Rizzler guy, when we saw that, when the Costco video came out, he was like, that guy who goes boom, you know, that little kid?
He was like, say it like this.
Even the Rizzler and the big justice guy are fighting each other.
These people are definitely fucking idiots.
Dude, we had them come in.
Not like come in.
They were at the office.
Bro, Rizzler?
They lit the place up, dude.
Oh, I'm bad.
The boom kid and the dad.
And they were at the office.
And I was just sitting in here.
And I guess they were touring the office.
And they walked by.
And they poked their heads in.
And they were like, oh, KFC Radio.
I can buy
you and i was like i was just sitting there i think i was like typing something i was like oh
what's up guys and like they had they had an entourage like 30 people with them and everyone's
like whoa you don't want to say hi to the boom guy whatever his name is and like they not it was a
completely normal interaction to be very clear but i i stood up and i was like oh what do we got here
because they had a bunch of cookies with them and they're like they're double chocolate chunks and i was like i don't know what that is
and then luckily it's like part of their lore it's like part of their thing and then luckily one of
the guys who works here saved me by being like he's like oh yeah this is the kind of guy he would
ask jordan what kind of sneakers he's wearing and i was like i don't think they have chocolate chip cookies locked down like Michael Jordan
has Jordans locked down.
It's not that.
It doesn't belong to them.
Who said that to save you?
Jack Mack.
That's fucking hilarious.
It was a true save.
I was like, oh, I'm such an idiot.
So sorry, blah, blah, blah.
But I was like, I just thought they were cool.
Can I have one?
In a short period of time, yeah, God real.
Putting your stamp on chocolate chip cookies
pretty fucking gangster crazy it's like calling the color blue yeah you're wearing you know i'm
the gray shirt guy right yeah interesting i guess we'll both do it i couldn't believe though between
the rizzler and the boom kid they came they both came by the office like within a month
and like this place like people change their flights to stick around to see him.
Wow.
I was like, this is, he's eight.
And you know he's going to get pushed out by the new guy in a week.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Real Rizzler.
I had heard of the Rizzler, but I was like, oh, he's probably a teenage kid or something.
He's eight years old.
And we have grown adults geeking out over it
this is a baby and they're like can i get a picture with you i mean i thought it was one of
the craziest things that ever happened here i was like what are we doing as a company here guys like
at least like you can get excited but reel it in a little bit in public holy fucking shit man
i i've always wondered like
and not to say that's what's going to happen to these guys but the people who have like
their internet 15 minutes of fame which is like a reality like two minutes of fame like what
happens to them you know back in the day it disappeared and you never heard from them again
but like now it's like you have your 50 minutes of fame and then you linger you have 8 000 8 million
subscribers forever
so you go there's a lot of those random people from like two years ago and you're like well
remember that guy and you're like remember that guy he does a million views a day well
you know his company made 10 million dollars last year he just did an IPO for his chocolate bars
I did I did exactly that with um because I was wondering this very recently and I was like like
pookie and whatever like you actually mentioned, and I was like, like Pookie and whatever,
like you actually mentioned them earlier, I think.
Like what happened with them?
And I went and looked at like, I think their TikTok and Instagram
was like, oh, they have millions of followers on both.
Totally.
And there's a lot of companies that are better at keeping it now, right?
Like there's Hawk, I mean Hawk too, obviously.
But like Pookie and Jet, that was a two-week window
and I never heard about them ever again.
Lieutenant Dan.
They're probably sending and selling their fucking clothing brand or smoothies or whatever the fuck it is next.
It's crazy.
Dude, we were talking about Lieutenant Dan earlier.
Today?
Yeah.
Because he apparently has a bunch of felonies or a bunch of-
Yeah, I've been all over it.
And then I guess there was a video of him saying the N-word.
Everyone likes a Florida guy until he starts doing Florida guy shit.
I was like, what are you doing?
You're surprised the one-legged man on a boat in Tampa has a bit of a grisly past?
I know.
They're like, what's next?
I'm going to find out he smokes?
The one-legged man on a boat in Tampa who refused to leave for a Category 6 hurricane.
Yeah, he's probably a bit of a fucking loose cannon.
It's crazy, yeah. When he said due diligence though it killed me that aiden ross gave him a hundred
thousand dollars and then took it back it's like you didn't you got to do your due diligence i was
like this is nuts bro my favorite uh hurricane thing that i've been saying is the all the there's
like a lot of videos on the news i've seen this actual on real news not
social media but it was two families back to back where the girl was like you know i'm trying to
leave and he said we shouldn't and he didn't think it'd be a big deal and it looks like this happened
and they're just like in this much water and i'm just like that guy's gonna be hearing about that
for the rest of his life i feel so bad for the guy like even if he was like she's like let's go
it's gonna oh let's get umbrellas it's gonna rain he's like i don Even if he was like, she's like, let's go. It's going to,
oh, let's get umbrellas.
It's going to rain.
He's like, I don't think it's going to rain.
She's just going to be like,
remember.
I'd rather die in the hurricane
than have that future
because that guy's never going to hear the end of it.
That's 15 years of him not being able to say anything.
Minimum.
I remember the,
I think there is some actual devastation
and people without power and all that stuff.
I don't.
Yeah, obviously.
But the day after, they just kept showing the trop.
And I was like, well, the roof is made of paper.
I was going to say, I'm surprised that roof survives on a day-to-day basis at all.
What's the trop?
Where the Devil Rays play.
It's like the shittiest stadium in the world.
It's like the worst stadium, and the whole roof came off.
But the foundation of the roof didn't come off.
I did see that video a lot.
Everyone just kept showing it.
I was like, it's made of fucking paper.
It was a paper roof.
Yeah, that one probably didn't hold up too well in Hurricane Milton.
My favorite was this chick on Twitter.
She went viral after the mayor of Tampa went on and was like,
if you do not evacuate, you will die. And this girl quote tweeted it and was like, if you do not evacuate, you will die.
And this
girl quote tweeted it and was like,
this is a little
crazy. This is a little out of pocket that the mayor
is saying you're going to die on the news.
And it went super viral
and all the comments were like, no, no, no.
It's pretty real. If you say you're going to die.
And she goes, I don't know about all that. That just seems
pretty crazy to say you're going to die. die and they were like the mayor is trying to save
people and she was like it just sounds too serious for me i can't how many more times are we gonna do
yeah right right i mean i don't even know if i had the screenshots anymore but it was it was just
like this has happened a thousand hurricanes in a row now yeah everyone's like, nah, it'll be fine.
It's like, don't do that.
My buddy's grandma did that.
There's a lot of crying wolf.
I think that's why people, if you talk to people there, they were kind of like, well,
because every time they tell you to leave, like there's, it's not a hundred.
It's, you know, let's say it's 25.
So you could get three in a row where you're like, they told me this three years in a row.
I get the idea of being like this.
They always say this.
Right.
Right.
I remember doing that with COVID being like, heard this with sars and we heard it with the swine flu
me and dave were like dancing around having a time like this is fake like a thousand people
a day died i was like dude my buddy's grandma my buddy's from new orleans and his grandma was like for katrina she was like i'm not leaving i'd rather die in my house
and she just died in her house really dude i remember after katrina the year after to be
honest we i went back to his house and you know they did like the spray paint like they would
spray paint on doors to like i forget what the actual like equation of it was you watched the doc about it recently but it was like there was like a almost like a tic-tac
toe board and it was like up here like they're all there were numbers for everything and we went to
his grandma's house and like it was still up with like one dead body found in it and i was like
do you we've been paid paid over this now you think like this sure this looks a little ridiculous now. Yeah. Sean Penn didn't get her?
Harry Connick Jr. is trying to.
He's in the mix.
Did she, like, starved?
Like, was it like she was stuck there or she got wiped out? Yeah, because you can die in bad ways.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd rather, you know, like, Twister style.
Just get, like, one fell swoop.
Yeah, yeah.
Send me away into, like, the swamp.
Not like, yeah, you're up there like this then the crocodiles come in there's some gruesome deaths you can get
in those hurricanes yeah there was no but there really are still fly like it's a whole mess
there really was uh like either alligators or crocodiles though washing up in weird places
around i don't know if they actually got anyone.
That was one of our all-time best moments here.
Early on, Barstool days, there was the Edgartown shark.
Yeah.
It was flooding in Boston.
Martha's Vineyard.
Martha's Vineyard.
And there was a report that there was sharks in the streets.
And there was this dude he just put
a fucking fin on his head and just was like swimming around and it made reports like the
edgartown shark and see that guy would have like the biggest podcast in the world yeah yeah right
it was just too early dave put it up a blog being like there's fucking sharks in the streets and the
end of the video he just didn't watch it to the end the end is the guy standing up just with a shark fin on his head it was so fucking good
yeah that guy that guy would be like you know uh collabing with mr beast right now
fucking making new lunchables with logan paul and those guys there was when i lived in toronto
they had a good week where the whole streets were flooded like that and it was up
to the waist in toronto yeah people had like you know boats going around the city it was recently
or no this is right like 15 years ago but it's like something it's like new york like it's so
random yeah drake had a video he put up like like a couple months ago where water was just rushing
into his house oh yeah they must have got whacked pretty recently too it was just rushing into his house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They must have got whacked pretty recently, too.
It was just, like, dirty water flooding into, like, his... He's got a lot of houses, though.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he was probably just...
I feel like that wasn't a Toronto-wide thing.
That might have just been...
Oh, I mean, yeah.
He's just posting his plumbing problems.
That's where he's at right now.
Do not hire Jason and Jason Plumbing.
Look at that.
It's just like... no, it was Toronto.
Oh, yeah, it was Toronto.
I was like, I think that's just like shit.
You know what happened is they just allowed gay marriage.
His other room is full of locusts.
Everyone knows Express.
It is an extraordinarily popular brand,
and it is a brand that is all about creating confidence.
We want to make men and women feel their very best
by helping them look their very best.
They provide easy, everyday outfits to help you look
and feel nothing short of amazing for whatever life throws at you,
from job interviews to first dates to milestone celebrations.
Quality clothes that look good and feel even better.
Express offers Express Essentials,
which are versatile closet must-haves for everyday effortless style.
They're the only pieces you need to build your wardrobe for season after season.
They got the perfect Pima cotton tee,
which is an incredibly comfortable cotton that I'm currently wearing on my chest at the moment.
They got hyper-stretched jeans, comfortable,
comfortable enough to wear all day and look good enough to wear out at night.
1MX shirts are breathable, easy care, and made with stretch.
Hands down, the best button downs around.
You can dress them up with a suit or wear them casually with jeans.
Speaking of suits, modern day tech suits.
They are wrinkle resistant and machine washable so you can wear them again and again.
It's an elevated look that has never been so easy.
Go to Express right now.
Get the essentials.
Just have a nice closet use code
sad boy season s-a-d-b-o-y-s-z-n and get 20 off your purchase online or in store i guess you just
tell it to the teller or the cashier at the store but it is usable online or in store sad boy season
go to express get your clothes look good Have a nice fall Sad boy season
SZN
20% off
Tom Green was a Toronto guy right?
Tom Green's Toronto
Yeah
I just saw a video recently
Of him basically inventing podcasts
I didn't know that
It was a video
He kind of invented everything
In a weird way
Yeah
It was 2007 And Joe Rogan was It was more like he invented He kind of invented everything in a weird way. It was 2007, and Joe Rogan was...
It was more like he invented the Joe Rogan Show, basically.
He had Joe Rogan on his show, which at the time, I think, was still like the Tom Green Show.
But they had, like, an old-ass computer, and they were Skyping...
Fans were Skyping in and just asking questions.
It was a live stream.
Yeah, right, right.
And Joe Rogan was like, this is awesome.
And Tom Green's like, yeah, man, like, we don't have any time constraints.
We don't have any language constraints.
We talked directly to the fans.
Like, it's the most fun I've had in a while.
And you can see Rogan being like, this is, like, fucking something.
And then Tom Green's like, I think we need to make, like, an interweb,
like an internet web of all of us creators where like advertisers can like spend money i was like this
motherfucker invented pop yes and and and then you know i mean rogan really was like this is
this is something and then you know i remember that dollars later i remember that show when it
was happening i was watching some of those shows when it was happening so so he that was on he had it he had a house in los angeles and then he just had
you know i guess the whole floor that was just made into like something like this probably right
and then yeah he'd have like these celebrities come through uh tom green.com or something like
that yeah it was on his website crazy dude crazy i mean i'm sure he's done well for himself to me
it was like that was the original and then maybe like
the biggest Carolla,
Ricky Gervais' original one.
I don't know.
What was Ricky's?
He had one
where it was him
and this guy,
Carl Pilkington.
Do you remember that?
And then Steve Marchand.
So Ricky Gervais
and Steve Marchand,
who's the other guys,
they were on like
a radio show together,
I believe.
I might be getting
tiny parts of this wrong,
but they used to be
like radio guys
and then Carl Pilkington was like their producer and then basically they ended up they
had some radio show kind of for a while and then they started doing this uh podcast i think after
the office and basically it was like those two and then one guy that was like dumb and didn't
understand the world kind of thing yeah and then each episode they would do like a different topic
you know i don't know what they were like immigration or whatever and him like not
understanding how the world every topic was atheism yeah yeah yeah that was well then he
did one with sam harris where it was like yeah every episode was like he there's nothing up there
the uh fuck was exactly you know who actually made the podcast who what who actually invented
him have i said this before? Steve Jobs?
Steve Jobs invented the podcast.
The actual podcast, probably, yeah.
I never thought of it like that.
I saw a video of him standing on stage where he's like,
it's a broadcast on your iPod.
Podcast.
I was like, I never put that together.
I've been doing this for 15 years.
And then as I was going down the-
It's all just radio again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that was the thing.
So I went down the rabbit hole with this Tom Green thing,
and there was this dude, Adam Curry, who't curry no agenda they still have a podcast yeah
they they call him like the pod the pod father because his show was called i think same thing
he was like a hollywood guy and yeah he was a vj on mtv for a while too oh yeah and i i think his
show was called the podcast pod show which is just funny to think of like they're just like mashing all
the words together but he was uh like doing a radio show and then it got like re re uh you know
re-up like on demand or whatever it was and that was 2005 really yeah pod show in 2000 january 2005
so from uh 05 to 07 he hosted a weekly evening show on Sirius called Adam Curry's Pod Show.
So it was radio.
It's all kind of radio related.
It's interesting when you find all the random people.
You go look back and you go, right, that guy was an MTV VJ.
That's where he came from.
And it's just sometimes like kind of what you were saying earlier where you're like,
whatever happened to that guy?
And it's like they still ended up killing it in one way or another.
You know what I mean? Carson Daly is like aid muir cold away from hosting a debate right yeah because he's like abc's guy
in my opinion i don't pay attention that like if you had mentioned carson daly i'd be like guys
probably living in the gutter but i think if you can hang around long enough if you don't fuck up
you don't have like a major scandal and you're decently talented and you can put like 20 books.
Yeah.
You'll you'll get something because they'll just be like, I don't know.
We need a host or we need to this or we need to that.
And they're like, this guy's still doing it.
Like, do you ever see the other one where I'll be like some guy that was like the star of some big show when you were a kid and then you're just flipping through local news and he's like a local weather guy now you're like oh that went south i'm obsessed
with whatever cory feldman's been doing for the last yeah exactly that's great yeah his like his
musical performances are unbelievable i don't know if i've seen them oh my god he's like
he i i think he actually is playing the last video i saw was fred durst was like they were
at some music festival and fred durst pulled up a chair and sat right in front of him and was like
people have been saying that you're not actually playing your guitar like fucking prove it and i
think he did i think he just started shredding yeah i could actually play the guitar but he's
trying to be this music uh whatever yeah mean, it's quite the scene.
I think he's leaned into the troll a little bit now.
Yeah, I think he knows what's going on.
Because his dances are ridiculous and shit.
Yeah, people know now.
Even KSI you saw recently where it's like everyone says it's the worst song ever.
And within an hour, they've figured out how to lean into that.
And now, yeah, that's the joke.
Yeah, you can't lose if you just keep pivoting on, you know, every single time.
Once you really master the internet like that, it's just the money keeps rolling in.
But it requires a level of you almost like cease to exist as a human being.
Yeah, right, right.
You have no moral standards.
Like you get home and look in the mirror and it's just blank.
You kind of adjust like computer code at that point.
There's a pixelated face. Yeah, everything's just zeros and ones. You're just in the mirror and it's just blank like you kind of adjust like computer code at that point face yeah everything's just zeros and ones you're just in the matrix yeah you kind
of do like at some point when you become that like i'm just always like going with the flow
with wherever the algorithm takes me that's who i am right now like you just eventually you're
not a human being anymore you're rich as fuck but yeah you're just like a cyborg on this earth to sell prime yeah we were talking about that with with the lunchable thing it was like
you probably are making a ton of money and they're talking about how it's like a healthier
alternative to lunchables or whatever but it's like well why do you want to sell lunchables to
kids yeah it's just a weird thing to well one thing that i'd go on those guys like you know
even at barstool like there's always like a backdrop of
sports you know you guys are like broadcasters like there's there's always like some like
there's something of like a craft underneath it yeah where it's like they're what what those guys
were there was never anything to begin with right so it's never like oh i'm originally this so
that's where like maybe i'm a bit of a musician maybe i'm this maybe so it's like there is no
like selling out you're like it started at selling, there is no like selling out. You're like, it started at- Selling out.
Yeah.
The thing is selling out.
The backdrop is selling out.
The backdrop is like getting views at all costs, right?
So I think every direction is like,
is really selling Lunchables any different
than whatever the hell else?
I don't know, what is he?
I guess he's a boxer now.
Well, you reach a point where, yeah,
like he's a WWF, Logan is at least WWF like superstar now. Well, you reach a point where, yeah, like, he's a WWF.
Logan is at least a WWF, like, superstar now.
Yeah, that was actually cool.
That's a good direction.
When your, like, pivots can all of a sudden become fucking awesome.
Yeah, that's a cool pivot.
You know, like, there's still some talent and athleticism and all that sort of shit.
But, yeah, I think anybody who's just, like, you don't have any anchor.
You need to have some sort of anchor.
I think so.
Like your original thing, you know?
I was thinking about that.
I was watching some Sunny this weekend.
And like, how I think later,
in later seasons, it becomes more clear.
Like, almost like Charlie Day
and Charlie Kelly met in the middle.
And we kind of say that with Dave sometimes,
where it's like, El Presidente and Dave Portnoy
used to be two different people
now they're the same
with the Charlie Kelly, Charlie Day thing
I was like actually I think it's kind of a good thing
where like the person himself
comes a little more outgoing, the character comes
a little more reserved
a hybrid of both is actually where it's at
yeah it's actually a good sweet spot to be in
that's assuming you liked the character
right right right right exactly Sonny I like all of them there's probably a
different show where i'd be like like you're talking about wrestling like and there's all
that vince mcmahon stuff like i imagine wrestling's probably the number one place where it gets blurry
you know what i mean yeah at what point you're like i've spent more time as macho man you know
absolutely those guys man That documentary is...
They were...
I love the wrestling documentaries.
Vince is like...
He was like a god.
You know what I mean?
To those guys,
it was like you cannot beat him.
There was just some guy
who was like...
It was that booker
who was just kind of
like assaulting people
and like fucking with them
and they were just like,
well, Vince likes him
so we just have to let that
keep happening.
It's like, what?
Especially in the...
You know, you go to the Mexican wrestlings
where it's like, you know, the promoter just shoots a guy and kills him.
It's crazy.
But I want to wrestle next week, so I'm not going to say anything.
Yeah, kind of is like the Lieutenant Dan thing, though, too,
where it's like, you know, when they started doing audits of wrestling
and being like, this guy was, you know, treating women bad or whatever,
and you're just like, these are roided up psychopaths.
You're like, who's controlling them?
One of the saddest things I ever watched was the American Gladiators.
Oh, I don't know if you guys had that really.
Yeah, I know what American Gladiators was.
I haven't seen it though yet.
They did a documentary on those guys because at one point they were like rock stars.
They were like doing ratings and they were making no money.
And like the network was killing it and they were like
doing steroids uh addicted to painkillers surgeries tearing their bodies apart making
300 bucks a day or 300 bucks a show and it was like it was sad because they were a lot of them
were like i wanted to be a football player or whatever and they just they got injured or they
like just missed the pro aspect but then
they had this other thing that was like pretty damn close you know like they still got the rush
of being famous and yeah yeah but they were making like nothing your goal is like one day i can go to
a comic con and maybe make right right there was yeah there was no like light at the end of the
tunnel and it was like you're performing like you know i don't know it was like six nights a week and like fucking random spots across the country and and all it's
very interesting though it was like it is always funny in sports especially like the tiniest you
know and in let's say entertainment the deviations between like movie star and like there's still
always pathways where you're like i i like i played lacrosse growing up in hockey and it was
like literally if you're the top lacrosse guy
you go on to be like
a firefighter who plays
you're like the number one
lacrosse player in the world
who's also a firefighter
or a teacher
or you go to the NHL
and you're you know
multi-million dollar contract
and it was like
the same kind of thing
you know what I mean
it's like right there
the tiniest deviation
like leads you to be
you'll never make
you'll be the best guy in
the world maybe you clear 60k yeah yeah well that's i mean you definitely have that on the
internet too where it's like like for every like haktua girl there's somebody who kind of went
equally as viral or super viral and didn't like harness it the same way you know what i mean for
every girl on only fans is making tons of, there's a girl who, you know,
put all her nude photos out there
and three of her coworkers and her uncle subscribed.
Yeah, right.
And you're just like, wait,
why is she making $100,000 a month
and I just got my uncle watching me?
Like, what the fuck?
I did all that.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's like not...
Your uncle watching.
That's gotta be a nightmare when you hear the story of like how much they're making.
It's always a month too, right?
It's the strangest –
Oh, yeah.
The only job where we talk about how much money people make a month.
Like it stresses you out?
Yeah.
And then like – but yeah, if you go all out and you're like quit your job
and you let your family know and it just doesn't work
like well i still have to they had a sell insurance the ones that's working too they had a
like right now there's a big court case i believe with like only fans and one of the
basically like a class action fraud suit and the reason is because you know the people are
messaging for the girls right yes which is obviously the funniest thing like we actually
know there's a guy in new york he's like around and he does that he does that job that's his gig
yeah like goes to work clocks in yeah a fucking nice car
we had a guy here did that but oh my god he was like i don know, fresh out of college. He was like 20 years old.
Yeah, being like 8 out of 10, 6 out of 10.
But he was probably happy to do it.
It's one thing.
If you're like, that's your job, that's your career,
you better be making fucking.
I mean, it's not a good job.
It's not a good part-time job.
It's not worth anything, man.
No thank you.
What percentage of guys are like do you think
you're like i'm actually messaging with her right now i i think they all it's like so public now
but maybe they're like this one's different i absolutely think like it's the same thing
every time a guy walks in a strip club like no no i guess it really likes me like i really think
there are still guys who really think that it's different because i bet you these guys are getting wise to that too they're sending messages like no
no i'm different prove it's you yeah picture of you with the paper they have yeah they probably
have that shit on deck every morning the girl takes a picture with the fucking paper every
morning you send it to me whatever it is you know proof of life every single day on on only
pants i guess that's what happened but then so basically
they're doing the class action suit and but it's funny because they're kind of like they want the
girls to have to message themselves or it's fraud and you're like you don't have these girls like
fucking can't tie their shoes you want them to run so this is 10 hours a day this is uh like
subscribers have all have all Gotten together
It's funnier to think
That one subscriber had enough
Aaron Brockovich of OnlyFans
Yeah class action suits is more like
Law firm smells
Yeah yeah yeah
But it's on behalf of people subscribing
Because they think they're getting the girls talking
A lot of these I think there's some litigator
That's like I think I can be the guy that-
Rico with the fucking-
You go Rico.
Yeah.
Get them all, tear them all down.
I never even thought that'd be a funny,
that'd be a good comedy series if they did that trial.
You know what I mean?
Just having to put the messages on.
And at this time when she said-
Exhibit A over here.
Dude, that is, I never understood that side of it.
But he didn't say that.
It was our pick, Singh, that told you you had a nice cock.
How did that make you feel?
That's even funnier to think about being outsourced to some fucking Indian click farm.
It's got to be a lot of that.
It has to be.
It's 100%.
It has to be.
Very nice.
But also, if you're one of those guys who wants the...
I guess if you really think you are talking to those girls...
Do you think some of those guys get too undercover and they just go gay?
Like some guy that's like...
Do you think there's any guy that...
Like he just got lost in the sauce.
He started as a part-time job and now I'm just gay.
Like the guy who was in the biker gang too long as an undercover.
He came out like gay Blanca.
You ever seen Street Fighter when they trap the guy in the room
and just show him footage of war, and he comes out and he's Blanca?
You just come out and you're like Nathan Lane?
I always think that if you were super racist,
being undercover in the Klan would be the best job in the world for you.
I'm just acting.
This is part of my gig.
If you're like 15 years, you're like, I'm close.
Your wife's like, you keep saying the N-word.
You're like, I'm stopping crime.
Taking down gangs.
Don't you understand?
The gang's done, dude.
You can come back home.
No, no, no.
There's more work to be done.
It's deeper than you think.
Racism never dies.
You don't understand.
It's human.
It's crazy.
Did you see that there was a – have you ever seen the show The Americans?
No.
About – it's like Russian spies who came over.
Yes, I have seen that.
Yeah.
And there was a case like a couple months ago of they got caught, but they were two Russian parents.
Their kids had no idea.
Family had no idea.
Like the movie.
Yeah.
I mean, it was like, and they like, it was just like, yeah, well, you know, we've been spying for Mother Russia for like 40 years or whatever.
And their kids were like, holy fucking shit.
We don't even like have parents.
It's crazy.
Wow.
What?
I was trying to think what movie.
So the parents' accents are fake too,
you find out, right?
Yeah, the whole fucking thing was just like,
and then you realize that you were born
just to be like a cover.
What do the spies do?
What do they work?
I don't know.
What do you even fucking spy on?
What does a spy do?
We work at the electrical plant.
Like, all right.
We stole his secrets.
Secrets for what, man what man you have to because it probably hard to like work your way up to getting the secrets right
i would think i don't think they're just giving you the secrets you got to be a real asshole
there was um like i was gonna as a person that's you know not russian like i don't know how i'd
get secrets like i'd call my local senator hey yeah
I can report back no we don't know anything either no one knows anything I
that's a funny thought of like because everyone mails it in at their job or
just fakes it you know if you're the spy you're like I gotta I gotta find the
secret all right there's no other drawer I worked at that auto dealership for six If you're the spy, you're like, I got to find the secrets.
Just go through drawers.
I worked at that auto dealership for six months.
There's none there.
There was a dude in the FBI who was... You got to keep telling your boss, like, oh, they're keeping them pretty tight.
I am looking.
That's the FBI guy who...
He was the head of the task force to find the fbi mole and he was the mole
just so fucking gangster so he was just running around being like i think it's i think it's samson
no okay i think it's this guy it's that guy and like after like 25 years he got caught
it was like a classic it was like a robert durst jinx sort of thing where he like one little he
like used a phrase in oh like a thing that he
always says yeah it was it was very inglorious bastards where it was like that guy always says
that and that was in the report and like bam you're done that's a nice move though yeah pulling
that off forever just getting home i've always thought maybe it's because like i'm too susceptible
to stress like i remember the movie it came became very clear to me was the Robert De Niro Madoff movie,
where I'm like, dude, why would you want to live like this?
Clearly a smart guy.
You did that pedophile sketch.
What was the one?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was good.
That was great.
The Chris Hansen sketch.
That was great.
So good.
But why would you want to live in this fashion?
You're a smart guy.
Just make money
the fucking regular way
yeah
those guys
if you applied
like half of your
scam abilities
to just regular
money making
you'd probably live
a good life
but it's the people
who want like billions
instead of millions
I think it was
they couldn't get in
the game right
and it's like probably
easier to get in
the scam game
so it's like an easy in
and then if you're smart enough you're probably supposed to from to get in the scam game. Yeah, right. So it's like an easy in. And then if you're smart enough, you're probably supposed to, from my opinion of the crime game, you've got to get out.
And then you realize, oh, you can't get out.
You know?
Right, right.
You know too much.
You have the secrets now.
Yeah, you can't just leave.
I think it's also like some people just have that part of your brain.
I'm guessing neither three of us do.
We're like, you're a salesman, salesman, salesman, salesman.
And you just have to sell anything yeah and like i remember i had a buddy who was
like he would fucking haggle at like gap i'd be like dude you can't fucking the t-shirt is 24.99
that's it man but to be fair to him he went like he'd get stuff real and i'd be like dude how are
you getting like i remember one time we were walking
on Boylston Street in Boston, and I forget the name of the store, but it's this cool
store.
And he walked out with a Canada Goose jacket and a pair of, like, six sneakers.
And I was like, how'd you get that?
And he's like, how much did you pay for that?
He's like, about 150 bucks.
And I was like, the Canada jacket's $600.
He's like, you gotta ask him what's in the back, all that stuff.
I'm like, that's, it's just too much work.
But for him, it's like a sport. Yeah, right, right. yeah right right i'll go what is that here's the money for it i'm not i don't want to talk to you any longer than i have to right right yeah if you if you get
satisfaction out of that you want to do it all the time that's like joe list joe list father
you've seen joe list um uh joe list has an unbelievable not yet we'll keep going oh gary
gary beater sorry yeah yeah yeah he's doing his he was doing a series about yeah i mean it's Joe List has an unbelievable God kid Gary Beter
He was doing a series about it
It's unbelievable
The guy just couldn't stop
Scamming
It was just in his blood
If I can scam this guy
Gary was like
We can go to the Knicks game
We can just buy tickets
There's some small time scams
On one side of my family.
Yeah.
That's great.
I think having a little bit of scamming is a good quality to have.
Yes.
It's all, yeah, poor people, like trash scams.
Like, you know, how to go on disability so you don't have to work for six months.
When you're scamming the government and the man and stuff, it's like, yeah.
They have my buddy who is on welfare.
He has my favorite one where he used to get sunglasses because he was on welfare.
And he goes, if you're on welfare, they'll give you free glasses.
But he just has to go and pretend he has the lowest prescription.
So he gets all these free sunglasses.
The only catch is they have a tiny prescription.
He's like, I got all the sunglasses, bro.
You don't even apply this to a tiny prescription. And he's like, I got all the sunglasses, bro. You know you need to apply this to a real job.
You go wait in line at the welfare office
for eight hours.
That's a sickness,
to be like,
I got to scam the glasses.
Oh, yeah.
Someone I know,
he was on disability for 20 years
and then he threw a retirement party.
It was like,
this guy hasn't worked.
So what did he do all that?
And he was talking about it,
being like, you know what I'm talking about? You don't retire that first, but then you figure it out. This guy has work so what did he do all that talking about it being like
what do you literally do first but then you figure it out
what do you literally do all day a scam i don't know you're still waiting online i think it's
honest to god i think it's once you get into that game you'd be surprised at how people can fill the
time you know two or three days is filled with sports that's full you know three right there
you're like monday to wednesday or whatever it is you can easily fill three days with sports one day is like a task
like you know what i mean i do feel good but i when i have one thing and i check it off my list
i'm like all right yeah you have to pick up your medicine like one one thing is a full day you
throw it in the trash because you don't actually need it yeah and then you need a day off
so then it's your day you know practice putting in the trash because you don't actually need it. Yeah, and then you need a day off. So then it's your day.
Practice putting in the garage.
Oh, man.
Part of me wants, I think, again, even with Gary's dad,
it was like there was something a little romantic and,
not romantic, but like, you know, funny about it.
Sure.
Like, you know, you're a slick talker, you know, silver tongue,
and then it becomes horribly destructive and all that shit.
Yeah, and also the other side of that,
because I agree with you,
there is something romantic about it when you think about it in the past.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
And you kind of picture like this is,
you know,
I could get into any club.
I could get,
I could get,
you know,
then you look further into it and you're like,
well,
what their scam was is they just stole like a nine year old woman's pension.
Right.
Yeah. That's why I like it when it's, you know, well, what their scam was is they just stole like a 90-year-old woman's pension. Right. That's what's fucked.
Yeah.
That's why like when it's, you know, who was it?
Somebody recently.
Oh, when Craig Carton, who was a radio guy here, he had some gambling debts and he needed
to, he started forging checks or whatever to try to pay it back.
And it was like he defrauded like the scummiest hedge fund sharks in the world, you know?
And I was kind of like, I don't really care.
So he was like a Robin Hood situation.
Yeah, I was like, it was not good.
Don't condone it.
It's like taking money from a loan shark.
I'm not really going to worry about it.
If you're going to be stealing from people, skim it from there.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the same as when you're haggling and stealing from stores.
Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to be the gap.
You don't want to get the,
the,
the,
the banana Republic or whatever.
So,
uh,
all right.
So the special is out,
right?
Yeah.
YouTube.com slash Ryan long comedy.
Oh,
you know,
I got a couple of dates.
I'm actually,
so I'm hitting the road,
all new material.
I've been starting.
Um,
and like I said,
it's been going better than I thought.
I'm going to be in Saratoga,
Philadelphia, Nashville, Chicago, Las Vegas, Minneapolis, Edmonton,
then a bunch more, but RyanLongComedy.com.
Edmonton, eh?
Yeah, Edmonton's actually, Edmonton's like a fun comedy city.
Is it?
The Berta Boys?
Berta Boys got a love bar as well.
Who is that? I don't know.
Alberta.
Oh, Berta Boys.
Oh, yeah, but just, you know, dudes that just, dudes that just live half the year on a rig
and then they finish their stint on a rig,
come back with $100K, buy a $60K truck,
spend the other $40K on strippers and coke,
and then they're poor for the other three months of the year.
Love it.
Tell us it's time to hit the rigs again.
My kind of guys.
Listen to Borzo the whole time they're doing it.
That was the Battle Alberta last night, right?
What was it? Battle Alberta was night, right? What was it?
Battle Alberta was last night.
What's Battle Alberta?
Oilers Flames.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I don't really watch any sports right now.
We did actually watch the football game last night.
What game was last night?
Giant Cincinnati.
It was gruesome.
About as gruesome as the Mets game.
I hate to cut it short,
but I got to go watch the Mets right now
because I have a fucking day game in the middle of the fucking.
Four o'clock.
Two games today, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're playing the Yankees are the night game.
Mets are the day game.
So got to go.
Four o'clock.
C.S.
It's crazy, dude.
That's absolutely nuts.
Last night was a fucking eight o'clock start.
Yeah.
It's like it's all...
Like April.
You know what I mean?
It's like a day game
after a night game
for the fucking championship series.
That's the worst part
to be into is baseball
from a time perspective.
Oh, it's a nightmare, bro.
It takes up months
of my year.
It really is.
It's another kid.
It really is.
I'm like literally
trying to juggle
the baseball schedule
with my actual
human kid's schedule. And it's like having a third kid. Yeah, the baseball schedule with my actual human kids schedule.
And it's like having a third kid.
Yeah,
dude.
It's like,
well,
I gotta,
I gotta,
I gotta watch this all the time.
It's the worst one to pick to be into.
I wish,
I wish I didn't like any sports,
bro.
This life chose me.
I don't know,
man.
All right.
We appreciate it,
man.
Hell yeah.
Thank you so much.
And by the way, your comedy stuff you guys have been making, I think, is so funny, man.
Those sketches are awesome.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
Unreal.
You guys should do a skit together.
Yeah.
I would totally be down.
Oh, yes.
Fuck yeah. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. you