KFC Radio - Ryan Long isn't Surprised by Lieutenant Dan's Past - Episode + Interview

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:09 Nobody Wants This Thoughts 16:56 Modern day n00ds 23:58 Would we have Kamala Harris on? 39:23 Tesla Robot 47:28 Lieutenant Dan 51:53 Ryan Long Interview... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PRESENTED BY JACKPOCKET: New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Factor: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kfc50 and use code kfc50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. Betterhelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. Express: Use code SADBOYSZN for an extra 20% off your purchase online or in storeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The gang's done, dude. You can come back home. No, no, no. There's more work to be done. It's deeper than you think. KFC Radio is presented to you by Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. I got to do both parts here.
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Starting point is 00:01:41 partner of Barstool Sports. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Terms jackpocket.com Slash TOS Slash free-ticket-promo-slash It's another edition of KFC Radio On the Barstool Sports Network It's me, Fidel Berg And the queen of the fishbowl Bacaw! Bacaw! I don't know why when you said it
Starting point is 00:02:16 Why? The first thing that popped in my head was Bacaw! That doesn't even mean Bacaw No, no, no Before you said fishbowl Oh, you were just right
Starting point is 00:02:24 I said the queen of the, and you just went... Faka! All right. Is it like a bird? Kind of. Shut up, bird. Yeah. I like where you went with that one.
Starting point is 00:02:32 There is... Maybe I was watching some Sunny this morning, too. Maybe that's why. Did you see Caitlin Olsen at game day? Yeah. It was some dude doing the same old... The only thing more played out than female comics talking about sex or people complaining about female comics talking about sex.
Starting point is 00:02:51 You know what I mean? She said, I didn't see it, but I, she's, I think she said, I lost my virginity here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:58 A little late. Dork. But like, I, I don't know if this guy on Twitter like knew who she even was because everyone was like shut the fuck up yeah like if there's one girl in the world we're not making fun of it's her like dude she has the pass like her resume is as good as anybody she's the best but like sunny hacks curb right and then the science one there's one what i'm missing like
Starting point is 00:03:27 science one bio teacher that was glenn that was glenn ap bio but yeah i mean the mick obviously and then the new one now the of the like iconic she's a nursing she's a nurse in this new one so maybe that's what you're thinking but like all of the ones she's made appearances in and been a part of is fucking great. She's great in Hacks. Hacks is a great one to be a part of too. That's a fucking rocket ship. But Caitlin Olsen is not the one to make fun of. Oh, New Girl.
Starting point is 00:03:56 She's always like the weird sister. But she's not the sister. She's got Jardia. She's Zooey Deschanel's high school enemy who is now married to her dad. I don't remember that. That is some villainous shit right there. Rob Reiner is the dad.
Starting point is 00:04:13 All the guest stars in New Girl are crazy. I think Caitlin Olsen. Not Caitlin Olsen. Jamie Lee Curtis is her mom. It's an unbelievable show. Taylor Swift, right? Yeah, Taylor Swift. Prince.
Starting point is 00:04:23 I saw. Yeah, Prince. Prince saw, yeah, Prince. Prince did like a whole episode. That was crazy. I saw the compilation the other day of all Taylor Swift appearances. Man, she used to be out there. What else did she do? Oh, you mean like appearances, not like guest stars.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Kind of just like when she was on late night shows and interviews and just like all the other places you can be in the media and in the public. Yeah. And she was on like late night shows and like interviews and just like all the like other places you can be in the media and in the public yeah and she was out there man like some of it sounded like scripted bits and some of it was just like her talking but like you know for how how much she's i feel like she's still like people are still surprised that she's going to like like certain award shows and stuff like she's still above above stuff that she goes to she's above everything it's like just choose if you want to go or not um speaking of television has anybody here watched nobody wants this yes oh baby what was that it's the um kristen bell oh yeah yeah yeah yeah we talked about this right yeah yeah you were out maybe oh you guys
Starting point is 00:05:23 are talking about you watched it that quick You were so late to the party. I actually hadn't finished when we had talked about it. Bro, I watched it in one sitting. Yeah, it's like all 25 episodes. I was kicking my feet up giggling. It was just delightful. It was downright delightful. Here's what I said, though.
Starting point is 00:05:38 The only thing I didn't like is it was almost like it was cringy in that it's very um well it's based on sarah foster's show uh aaron foster aaron foster show but it also it just felt very girls gotta eat and call her daddy yeah and then that just felt very podcasty in general so like when i saw them like with the mics talking about like just dumb podcast type stuff i was like this is what we all sound like yeah well that's what i liked it was like the first accurate representation of podcasting finally my people have been represented and like they're douchebags but they're the right amount of douchebags yeah in every other pot like it's like oh he's a podcaster and yes you're saying that phrase accurately like it's how you should address a podcaster but theirs was like like with their um
Starting point is 00:06:24 what were they having to be like saving for the show they were saying around. I was like, this is my pity ball. Yeah. Even she says at one point, like, I don't want to sound like a knockoff caller daddy. Don't say that. It was very real. But the point is that the reality is, like, a little bit like, we're such losers. Yeah. We had talked about how what is media and TV shows and movies and all that shit going to – and songs.
Starting point is 00:06:51 I think we were talking about songs. Going to adapt with the times because when you say, like, I penned you a love letter, it sounds romantic. Yeah. But like – I still in your DMs. Yeah. romantic yeah but like i still in your dm yeah like eventually if you're gonna be like i you know since that snapchat or does it just stop at like letters and i wrote you this poem or whatever because if you're ever gonna modernize it i'm talking you know once the hundreds of years from
Starting point is 00:07:17 now when when this shit is antiquated would you be like i sent you a message on i could see like right now something on facebook playing because it's kind of like vintage yeah you know like me i poked you on your wall yeah yeah like if someone said i poked you on facebook it would get a chuckle out of me but it would never be like that's romance yeah like hit me the way that like some of these lyrics are intended to yeah yeah like if you said you know i like i wish you happy birthday on facebook on your wall i wouldn't be like damn that's love yeah but that is our love that is like this generation's little you know love language if you will but but yeah that show is uh that show's great
Starting point is 00:07:56 the ending can i talk about the ending yeah i don't like that oh i i liked it i don't think you should ever give up your career for anybody well i agree with that in reality but you don't like that. Oh, I liked it. I don't think you should ever give up your career for anybody. Well, I agree with that in reality. But you don't think that it was. In the show. I also think you can move away from maybe his whole family and religion. Just tone it down to Jew. As a show viewer.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Tone it down. I'm not talking about in reality. I'm talking about it'll be interesting, in reality, I'm like talking about like, it'll be interesting to see them get out of that space and interact as characters in like a different world. It was cool. It's not all so heavily like Judaism weighed on every scene. When,
Starting point is 00:08:35 when he, when he hits the cigarette and he was like, I'm the rabbi. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, it's heavy.
Starting point is 00:08:42 That did feel like a, a one season thing that will now turn into multiple yeah yeah but like they could boom be done yeah and that would be like a good mini series no i want to see the wedding i want to see like sure that's why you can do it all more but you know i thought it was interesting that like and maybe it's because of my age now as a viewer but like every show i've ever watched, I assume these people who were, quote unquote, figuring it out. Even though they're not figuring it out. They both have very successful careers.
Starting point is 00:09:11 But they still don't have their lives set. I've always assumed shows like that were characters in their 20s. This is the first one I can really remember watching and being like, oh, these people are mid-30s. And maybe that's because I'm mid-30s now. But I feel like all rom-coms are mid-30s. 20s is the new 30s sort of thing. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:09:27 So when you watch it, you assume that people are in their 30s? Rom-coms. Not TV shows, necessarily. No, I feel like everything's mid-30s. Yeah? Yeah. But like New Girl. But no, New Girl, they're 20s.
Starting point is 00:09:40 I feel like they're all... I mean, we talk about this all the time when Costanza is 29, right? Yeah, 27. 27. It's just like – I feel like some of these shows, you're just in like a time vacuum, like a warp where it's like this is not – it's kind of applied. Maybe they do it on purpose to be honest because it's like you can probably relate to this when you're like 21 or 31 depending on what your life is at. That's kind of interesting that Jackie thinks it's like new girls older because you're younger.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Yeah. But I don't know exactly what age is there, but I know. Wait, wait, when you watch TV shows. So wait, what do you? I guess I usually just assume they're my age, which is why I assume they're my age in this. I always think they're older than me. Well, I guess it depends.
Starting point is 00:10:21 When I watched The Office, I assumed they were in their 20s, but I was in high school. Wait, I assume they're older watched The Office I assumed they were in their 20s but I was in high school and then wait I assumed I assumed way older in The Office yeah really? yeah
Starting point is 00:10:29 I think I think they're definitively I think the actors are in their 20s like maybe Ryan huh? maybe Ryan I would assume Jim was like
Starting point is 00:10:38 27, 28 at least when he started I don't I obviously don't know the answer but like like Seinfeld I watched that when I was really young. I assume they were in their 50s.
Starting point is 00:10:48 I know. I know. But I mean that's everything for me. I like – one of the guys in the Mets, Starling Marte is 35. And this always happens with sports but particularly with this one guy where it's like if I were to meet him, he be like like i'm his elder yeah yeah that's crazy to me it's just like this grown man that i think of as like i'm like give me a hit and be a hero to like make me happy i'm older there are all those ages of like i have one more thing to say about nobody wants us but the like mine was always sports based like you as well
Starting point is 00:11:26 where you hit like I remember Sidney Crosby was which is weird because Sidney Crosby is actually older than me but I remember when he got in the league it was like damn the superstars are my age now and then you hit a different age where you're like the superstars are younger than you and then
Starting point is 00:11:42 1978 he was 27. At the beginning of the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess that's what's weird is like the timing of it because you can watch it forever. Right. Born in the 70s is crazy
Starting point is 00:11:58 though. But the last thing on Nobody Wants This. It's very odd that we just like allow jewish people to be racist like yeah the way that that the way that that mother is like a bitch but in this kind of like weird funny quirky endearing way when it was just like get out of my house white girl or black man it would be like they have derogatory words for us. It's like you fucking shiksa and you fucking goy.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Yeah. We've had Ari on here. Ari's the best with it where he's just like, he's like, yeah, you guys are all goys. And I don't know why we're allowed, why we allow it.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Because we're not oppressed. But it's like, yeah, but I think it's like, it's like, we are superior to you guys. I'm like, all right.
Starting point is 00:12:44 All right, Ari. You can have that one. Yeah, I mean, I... We cannot ruin ourselves with your kind. No, no, it is. It's very aggressive. I've asked Jewish people what they think of it, and they say that they don't love the...
Starting point is 00:13:04 Like the... Portrayal of... Portrayal of Jewish people what they think of it, and they say that they don't love the portrayal of Jewish people. Specifically this or just college? Specifically this. But they still think it's good. They'll let us lie because it's cute. Yeah, that is a funny thing. I mean, it's similar to like Italian and Irish and
Starting point is 00:13:26 Irish don't do that. No I'm saying that like there are certain people you can say certain things and we just kind of like don't care. Yeah. You Italians get a little soft. You used to be in the boat with the mix.
Starting point is 00:13:43 And then as time went on I saw some shit on the internet that was like, every time I called Yankee fans, like Wops and Guineas and Gindaloons and Goombas, there's always some like, why are you allowed to say that? And like, don't, you know, that kind of shit. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Deep down, I used to make fun of the Italians the most because I know that we're kind of the most similar deep down. I'm going to admit it. In a lot of ways, I think we're kind of the most similar deep down. I'm going to admit it.
Starting point is 00:14:05 In a lot of ways, I think we're super opposite, but in a lot of ways, we're very similar. So it's like, yeah, I can call you that. It's almost like we're part of the same group. And then all of a sudden, they started crying a little bit. It's basically Dante. Dante is carrying the toy. We're like, we can't make fun of Italians.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah, he used to do that a lot. You're right. You're right you're right i hate that it's like there's nothing there's nothing to get upset about just fucking italian you're doing fine but yeah i i would say the the italians we've kind of lost them uh and the irish are really the last left. We're the last bastion. Yeah, but we only got the one. It's like Mick.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah, but there's the tropes of like you beat your wife and you drink too much and all that stuff. And then we always say that. When you earned it, you earned it. Yeah. When are you again? Italian. How much Italian?
Starting point is 00:15:04 Nichols is not Italian, is it? Well, he used to be Nicolosi. You know what? How crazy is that? I'm Jacqueline Nicolosi. I'm Jackie Nicolosi. How are you doing? I would be like, you're fired.
Starting point is 00:15:17 You wouldn't even be here. That is crazy. So that was one of those Ellis Island, just like chop the yolk off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was just like Nichols. I guess I'm like French a little bit. You look at that shirt, you look like a mime. What?
Starting point is 00:15:31 You look like a mime. I want also the shorts. I'm going to say it. They're really short. But nothing ever matches with these shorts. And the sweater matched so well. And so I was like, I literally have to. And I shaved my legs perfectly.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Like not right now because it was a few days ago. Well, I mean,, I literally have to. And I shaved my legs perfectly. Like, not right now because it was a few days ago. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong, they're hairy again. But at some point in my life, I have. There's no like bumps
Starting point is 00:15:52 or razor bumps. And I go, God literally wants me to wear shorts today. So I had to. Anyways, I just wanted to have them. And three days later.
Starting point is 00:15:59 But then when I came in the office, and then I was like, gaslighting myself. I was like, not that short. It's fine. And then I got to the office and I was like,
Starting point is 00:16:04 I feel weird. Were people looking at you no but just like sometimes like when i'm just around like i don't know other people the elders the elders of the office um game time we love getting out to live events whether it's a live concert football game comedy show we always use game time and the they are the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. You know how much we love GameTime. And now with their brand new GameTime Picks feature, they're making it easier than ever to get to a game. GameTime Picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats. So you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets.
Starting point is 00:16:41 I was looking at the other day. In fact, I am going to pull this up. I was looking at checking out if, you know, God wills it so, if the New York Liberty, if the New York Liberty and the Minnesota Lynx go to game five, I think I got to be in the building. It is game five. We'll be at Barclays Center.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Tickets here on GT Picks as low as $125 to be in the building. It is game five. We'll be at Barclays Center. Tickets here on GT Picks as low as $125 to be in the building. The best two words in sports, game five. Got to be in game five. So what are you waiting for? I'm going to buy these Liberty tickets right now. Download the Game Time app today. Use code KFC to easily score deals with the new game time picks what time is it game time who i might call you nicolosi from now on they used to call me they like in middle school
Starting point is 00:17:33 they were like rhyming i think i've said this and then they were like jackie nichols choppy nipples and then they all called you got yo you and your nipples and boobs got flamed. It's a miracle you're not as, you're not more like, you don't have issues. Thank you. We've all got some issues. Thank you so much. This was before boobs.
Starting point is 00:17:57 And it was like strictly just like a rhyming thing. But then they all like called us in front of, I remember like eighth grade graduation, they all said it. And then my parents were like why does it have been sending nudes really they said that to you no they didn't but i remember them hearing it and they like looked at each other and then i was like by the way i haven't been like they just that's so weird too though by the way like like to grow up in a as the nudes generation you know when did you send your first i remember yeah you guys taking a picture with a digital camera and trying to like upload it to a computer
Starting point is 00:18:38 and send it which is perverted like too young for that i was it was to a girl at camp i went to i went to camp one time wait did you print it no i like no that would be awesome yeah i was like sign seal deliver i i sent you a love letter uh no but i tried to send it probably like through an aol like i think at some point you could send like pictures on AIM or something like that. Maybe just straight up an email. I think I just tried to email my dad. My junk mail. Email my dad.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Junk mail? Did you say junk mail? That's a new girl. But yes. You know, it's like nowadays you'd be be like have you had like the sex talk and it's like you have to have like the nudes talk you have to have the sexting talk yeah like sometimes it's one thing when it's like boys are gonna try to like hook up with you you know you need to make sure boys like wear a condom or like no means no and all that shit it's also be like now
Starting point is 00:19:43 like they're gonna send you messages about wanting to fuck you yeah you know what i mean i feel like every like my i don't know if this is like your generation or whatever but like there was always one girl who got caught with like in middle school i remember there's one girl who sent nudes and like everybody knew about oh she became like the like whatever no but like she was a great girl but then just she always had the tag of slut yeah and then like it just like stuck with her but i feel like i've talked to my friends like everyone always had always had like one girl who just like in middle school sent a nude and then like it was just forever this so it's almost like the
Starting point is 00:20:25 opposite like not like i don't agree yeah it's like the opposite sending nudes is like the opposite of running from a bear like you don't have to be first like like you say like running exactly running from a bear like you don't have to be the first friend you just can't be the last like when you send nudes like just let someone else go first and then you'd be in the middle they're the slut yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right right um the uh yeah i remember i i sent mine for my first one in the sophomore year i had not hit puberty yet and i remember sending on a kiosera phone that was like a it was yeah yeah so like rotate it up i remember that not not a fucking pube in sight. Shaved just for you.
Starting point is 00:21:10 That's probably a good sign that you should not be doing that. You are a bald eagle. You should wait a few more years. Yeah, I've sent child porn before. Yeah. You've said that multiple times. You like to brag about that. What?
Starting point is 00:21:25 Sending child porn. porn before yeah you've said that multiple times you like to brag about that what sending child i knew i said i knew i've said i sent the key of sarah thing i didn't know i said job i was always pretty scared of it like i feel like it was really ingrained in me like i feel like did they say like did anybody say that to you or like you because like i think after that girl got caught or whatever it was was sent around. Did the boys just send it around? The boys sent it around. I mean, don't bite the hand that feeds you. I mean, don't be a scumbag. But also, guess what?
Starting point is 00:21:53 Jackie Nicolosi's not sending any fucking news now. I would think, and I have obviously no idea, but I think that that was a thing that very much lived in a time vacuum. I don't think kids are doing it too now at a very young age. I don't know. I've long said I'm in a post-new society. But I almost think it's like cigarettes. You hear what it did to your parents and you're like, never mind.
Starting point is 00:22:21 I'm not doing that fucking shit. Yeah, but aren't SIGs making a comeback now? I thought I heard that SIGs are'm not doing that fucking shit. Yeah, but aren't cigs making a comeback now? Yeah, kind of. I thought I heard that cigs are back. Big time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm... Pat is like, yeah, oh yeah. Like, I feel like...
Starting point is 00:22:35 Would I be cool if I smoked cigarettes? You'd be cooler, for sure. Right? That's the problem. Like, cigarettes are inherently cool. I'm not going to do that. But also, in a way, they're like inherently the biggest loser shit, too. Yeah, but... Because It's like the only reason
Starting point is 00:22:46 You're doing it is to be cool Yeah yeah Which is the most uncool thing Nah but they're good I don't know Oh my fly's open This whole time guys Sorry
Starting point is 00:22:56 Did you know? Did you see? No Did you see? Nah your leg's up I can't see your fly Oh I mean it was wide open i thought you guys saw
Starting point is 00:23:07 and weren't saying anything help a brother out man that's not uh there was one time where like i was like with a bunch of people and like his dick just kept poking out and i was like yeah bear dick yeah out of the fly out of the fly but he okay he we were it was like he was wearing like boxers and it was actually like his fly wasn't down now don't think of it it was like we were at a frat house and like i don't really know he had a t-shirt on i don't really know anyways his dick just kept poking out and i was looking around the room being like is anybody else noticing this there's no end to that here here's one thing do not ever describe my dick as poking out it'll fall out maybe
Starting point is 00:23:46 it can fumble out of my it can't poking out it's like a poking out I think it just goes like this boop
Starting point is 00:23:56 well because morally I didn't know I was like do I draw attention to it I don't think he wants me to draw attention to that so I was like I'm not going to say anything
Starting point is 00:24:03 but like are other people noticing anyways one time I was in an elevator with a dude who was just completely disheveled and overweight and just like not you know not looking great and he was just barn door wide open and i i usually you know i just don't i just don't say anything to anybody about anything yeah keep my head yeah and i just was kind of standing there, and I just leaned over, and I was like, here flies home. I think he was like, thank you. But I just thought of, like, it's just so weird to be like,
Starting point is 00:24:32 I was looking at your dick. It's almost out there. I have a question. I saw on Instagram the other day, and I'd heard whispers about this, that Kamala has asked a few barstool shows i saw she's going on fishbowl right but i saw i saw chicken fry being like i don't know like like asking her like followers she's like i really i'm not looking for your feedback like should i have her on or not and i think that's such a crazy thing that like barstool is now in a world where like the presidential candidate sitting vice president
Starting point is 00:25:06 is asking to come on and people are questioning whether or not to come on but then I thought to be clear she is not asked to come on this show if she did I don't think I would say yes I think I think it would either be like it doesn't work you know like we can't do our
Starting point is 00:25:22 show here this isn't going to help you there's really nothing for either of us here I think the only way we could do it is if we just like torpedoed it and just like asked ridiculous shit and they would be like we can't air any of this yeah like i don't think we could not just sit here and do the lip service you know right i didn't i didn't i didn't watch uh all of uh of trump on flagrant but, but the montage, the compilation that Akash put up, seemed like he actually asked some real questions. And I think that's the only way to really do it, is actually be prepared and ask real questions.
Starting point is 00:25:57 But that's just not this show. No. So it wouldn't make any sense to have her on. And even if he is not. Producer, I would force you guys to. So I was going to say, I would force you guys to. I know. So I was going to say, I think you have to just for the notoriety.
Starting point is 00:26:10 But I... We should just do ATI with her. Yeah. Or porn stars or murderers. Immigrants or porn stars. I mean, that's one of those, like,
Starting point is 00:26:24 I think you have to say yes just because. I thought that at first, and then I thought about it more, and I was like, there's nothing for anyone to gain here. I would like to press her on the McDonald's thing. What's the McDonald's thing? She says she worked. I just learned this last night. First of all, Clemmer worked at McDonald's from 16 to 19.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Hilarious. For 16 years? No, no, from 16 to 19. Oh.mer worked at McDonald's from 16 to 19. Hilarious. What? For 16 years? No, no, from 16 to 19. Oh. He worked at McDonald's. I just think that's so funny because you know
Starting point is 00:26:50 he took that shit seriously. He had the visor on with the head thing and he said, the drive-thru, like, McDonald's, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:26:56 I think you ordered. He's just making, you know, all this stuff and, but Kamala, so I think I said something to to clemmer being like are you fucking with me right now like did you actually work at mcdonald's and jack mack was like i know
Starting point is 00:27:13 somebody else who claims to have worked at mcdonald's and never actually did and apparently she says that she she specified like the town and city and everything and she was like when i was a young girl i worked at mcdonald's i guess i come to think of it i don't know how this would come out but apparently in at least in jack mack circle it's like mcdonald's like disavows this like there's no knowledge of kamala having ever worked at mcdonald's anywhere ever yeah okay so but in their circle they're like that would be an insane thing to lie about. It's so easily checkable. Yeah, well, I mean, would it be, though?
Starting point is 00:27:48 How would you... I mean, you could find out where people... Records of the teenagers who worked there. Where'd you pay your taxes from? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:27:59 It's like a pretty easily fixable lie. Right. Check your W-2. What company did you get paid for? Yeah. Even when you're a pup like that, you have all those taxes, right? I mean, you pay taxes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Yeah. I would... If you could ask Kamala one ATI... But I would like to press her on that and just get more McDonald's stories. I don't know. That's the kind of shit I would like to press her on that and just get more McDonald's stories. I don't know. That's the kind of shit I would be like, so what was it like when they first were selling like Big Macs and shit or whatever? Just do a totally non-political conversation.
Starting point is 00:28:35 But there's even like, everything's so political now, if you have anyone political, like even if you don't have a political discussion, it is political. Yeah. And I think like it's just not. It's not. The juice is probably not worth the squeeze you'd probably get a lot of you not even like i just don't think it'd be a good show right right like it's not even about anything other than like i don't think any of us would be comfortable sitting here talking
Starting point is 00:28:56 oh heavens her included like no one would have fun doing the show so why would we do the show no absolutely not would you do trump no Would you do any of the political candidates? No. You wouldn't do RFK? I was going to say, no, RFK. What? That would be a good show. I don't think you would.
Starting point is 00:29:15 I'll do anybody that has a good show. I think he's got a good show in him. Politicians, when we have A-list celebrities on, I feel like you know they're going to give you a little lip service, like you said, and do a little show kind of deal. And I don't like those, and I think politicians are that. Times a million. Times a million.
Starting point is 00:29:33 But if you could be like, whoa, what's up with that when you ate that bear? Did you kill that falcon that one time? Start throwing out all sorts of animals. Any stories with hippopotamuses? I don't know. Would you do a push-up contest? Yeah. That kind of shit would be funny. Start throwing out all sorts of animals. Any stories with hippopotamuses? I don't know. Like a push-up contest?
Starting point is 00:29:47 Yeah. That kind of shit would be funny. That would be good. Speaking of ATI, Allison sent this. Allison from Merch sent this to us. I mean, this is ATI. It had its moment in the sun, and it's still out there, but it's not our main focus of ours anymore. But Answer the Internet was our YouTube show and subsequently our party game, card game.
Starting point is 00:30:13 And this was the review. Four stars. Great conversation starter, but 40% of cards need to be removed. This game is very similar to my favorite party game, Bad Choices. Anytime you buy an adult party game, Bad Choices. Anytime you buy an adult party game, it's ideal to go through the deck and remove outrageous cards.
Starting point is 00:30:30 I love the concept of Answer the Internet, but 35% of the deck were completely inappropriate, even for a group of guys. All of the cards that I removed had a similar theme of pornography,
Starting point is 00:30:40 masturbation, and penis references. The deck is still edgy and fun after the edit, but there are some cards that I don't know how someone's brain generated the card there are some obviously socially awkward people who submitted these it's like bye answer the internet that would have me be like bye bye bye bye i'll take two i'll take two it's a very accurate review there are there are like if you're going through
Starting point is 00:31:05 nancy internet deck you're like a lot of jerking off in here well also i think what happens is i don't know whether it's alphabetical or categories or whatever but they did get lumped together yeah it's like would you jerk off on a pillow would you jerk on a couch jerk off on your mom i'm like flipping through to get through like the jerks yeah next section i remember like when when the app we had the app nick like had asked he was like maybe try filming something with your friends and so my friends that i played and like we couldn't answer like any of that what would you do with your penis well now there's the girl's pack now there's a girl's pack to buy the extended pack that is a good answer the internet was very much a time time capsule
Starting point is 00:31:47 like a time stamp yeah yeah because like i still think there are there are great conversation starters and great great funny questions then obviously shock value but but good ones and then there are ones where it's just like i thought that was funny 10 years ago like that's not funny at all that is so dumb and obviously gratuitous and like and and i don't think that's like lame to to say that now but it's like but what am i doing right now that i'm gonna think is lame in 10 years yeah or do you think you top out you think eventually like you plateau no no i think i hope you don't plateau i think you should always like you'll change in 10 years and you'll look back on who you were 10 years ago and you're like oof those are some weird thoughts yeah yeah i but part of me sometimes feels like once you reach
Starting point is 00:32:40 it depends on like what age you are and how you live your life. You know what I mean? If you're like 35 with kids and a family versus like 50 with some older kids and a family, I don't know. I feel like you're not – I don't think you're changing as much. It slows down. The difference between 25 and 35 I think is from your sense of humor and your thoughts and your opinions and all that I think, is from your sense of humor and your thoughts and your opinions and all that, I think, is massive. But the media you consume is always going to evolve.
Starting point is 00:33:11 So that should theoretically make you change, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd hope. Or do you not hope? Do you think that's a bad thing? I don't know. I think it's a good thing. I have, like, for some reason, I have first ever kfc radio episode downloaded because i was like
Starting point is 00:33:28 whatever and for some reason like whenever like i'm washing dishes or i can't use my change it it like comes on so i just listen the whole thing but like the the voicemail so you did voicemails and the voicemails are so different itself it's like yeah it's like like i want to fuck your fat ankles i think like literally yeah i think i think to be getting they're so nice yeah well It's like, it's like, like, I want to fuck your fat ankles. I think like literally, I think, I think the beginning, they're so nice.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Yeah. Well, it really evolved. I mean, in the beginning, it was a lot of like animals fighting a lot of like, do you think this animal is faster than this animal or, or stronger than this animal? A lot of like the,
Starting point is 00:33:59 would you rather stuff? And then just people being like mean. Yeah. You're fucking ugly. You've ever heard yeah but that was like just the hosts but yeah so i mean we were we were like young dumb drunk attracting young dumb and drunk i used to do like multiple shots before every show i know it's really you were nervous right yeah yeah That's so crazy. Crazy.
Starting point is 00:34:26 I would, like, run. I'd, like, accept the Zoom call or do Google Chat. And I'd, like, run to the fridge and, like, do a few bowls of vodka. And then, like, grab a beer. Because we were drinking on the show. It wasn't. It wasn't. I'm a beer-weir boy. It wasn't, like, a drinking show.
Starting point is 00:34:39 But it was, like, you know, I don't think it was weird to see, like, someone. I don't even know if the video still exists. But, like, someone drink a Bud Light. Yeah, yeah. We recorded at night. It wasn't recorded during the day. So it was like, it was like seven o'clock at night. It was ahead of its time.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Yeah. It was ahead of its time. Because, you know, you get a bunch of people together drinking and podcasting now and it's like a whole fucking thing. Drunk podcasting is one of the things that you realize real quick is not a good product. Yeah. Like, let's get like shit based. Like, let's do like a a power hour
Starting point is 00:35:05 with the audience and it's like this shit sucks yeah and i mean you have to be doing the power hour with them if you listen to drunk podcasting sober it's atrocious do you remember the most like the most infamous drunk podcasting i guess i can't say infamous because it was like such a non-thing but captain cons went on the challenge show I don't know quitters you remember that I remember the show yeah incident I think it was that it's like shellacked and they're you know trying to break down like Johnny Bananas and shit which is funny because also it's like who cares yeah talking about the challenge guys but I think they were like yo Kevin Collins was sloshed.
Starting point is 00:35:47 I think I've said this before. I've definitely said this on here before, but it's kind of crazy. During COVID, my friends asked if you could have dinner with anybody. Who would you? Hold on. I almost want to pull it up. It's a good one. It's a classic and i had said i was like honestly the two guys for my podcast because i
Starting point is 00:36:09 i have listened them so much and i think it's so weird that like they don't know anything about me oh so you just want to sit there and just talk jackie's dream has come true. A little higher. Maybe you could have been like, I don't know. Who would you pick now? I don't know. Pick somebody like better than this and make that happen.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Okay. But I really enjoy you guys. I'm happy. I mean, I'm still like, obviously, you know, I have whatever, but. I mean, I still hate you guys. You guys are better than I ever thought. I mean, I'm still like, obviously, you know, I have whatever. I mean, I still hate you guys. No. But like, you guys are better than I ever thought. Wow. That's very nice.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Don't let it go to your heads. What did you say? Don't let it go to your heads. Oh, okay. I already forgot. I got the nice, truly the nicest message I've ever gotten. And I'm prone to read the mean ones sometimes and complain about feedback but this guy sent me truly where is it the nicest message I've ever I have ever gotten he goes
Starting point is 00:37:16 thank you for sacrificing the time and effort to organize and orchestrate the stream Kev I know you could be many other places your talent is unfortunately underlooked because the mets and jets have stunk and you're not a gambler regardless hats off to the job you're doing i recognize the time and effort you put into your work since i was a junior in high school in 2015 i can't wait until the rest of the world meets kfc all the best man i was like i was like i can't believe you took the time to do that. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. Who is it? Stranger. Just a nice guy.
Starting point is 00:37:49 That's so nice. Just being like, yeah. Like last night at that stream, down nine, nothing. Probably what? Like 100 people watching us, right? I was like, get me home. That one sucked so bad to know you have like an hour and a half to get home after. It wasn't that long, but it sucked a dick, man.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Are you guys going to keep losing? Sorry. Hope not. Hope not. Are they really good? They are really good, but we can beat them. We can beat anybody. But if they play their best, they're very hard to beat.
Starting point is 00:38:23 But they beat the fucking dicks off us last night. That was a bad one. That was a real bad one. Sweater weather pairs perfectly with savory fall foods. But with your busy schedule, sometimes it's hard to eat the way you'd like. That's where Factor comes in. If you watch Surviving Barstool, you know I'm a Factor guy. It is the most delectable meal I've ever had in the greatest misery of my
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Starting point is 00:39:24 Keep your plans and turn to Factor. They deliver fresh, nutritious, chef-prepared meals ready to eat in just two minutes. It's crazy. The steaks are somehow pink in the middle. It's delicious. It's a new science they're doing over there. So go check it out. Head to
Starting point is 00:39:39 factormeals.com slash KFC50. Use code KFC50. Get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. That's a total of 70% off. I did the math that fast. That's code KFC50 at FactorMeals.com slash KFC50. Get 50% off your first box, 20% off your next box, 70% off two months worth of food. Oh, did you see the tesla robot people um i i saw a tweet saying uh
Starting point is 00:40:08 elon musk says that the tesla robots can quote do anything you want them to do and the guy replied like well if you can stand up to my stepfather greg at thanksgiving count me in dude you only saw one it's i figured it was like a musk pushing it on X thing because like it's it was my entire Twitter feed all week. Really? But why do we make them look like people? Yeah. Good point. Like I'd rather they don't look like people.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Probably to take over the world one day and like, yeah, like just make them like a box. Just make it like there's no need for it to look like a person. Yeah. Agreed. Oh, that's it's more uncomfortable to walk in your house and a robot person's there yeah then like a robot they say that there's uh there's a term for this it's uh when things are like humanoid human-esque the uncanny valley yes yeah you've talked to me about this right it's like when when they reach that level it's too much people freak
Starting point is 00:41:01 out yeah yeah when it's like clearly a robot you're okay and if it's human you're good but if it's like this yeah it's like what cartoon is that i believe the origin of it i don't know about the uncaged where i learned of it at least is 30 rock um they're talking about making porn and it's like you don't want to hit polar express yeah animation and like polar express is too weird they don't look like you don't want to hit polar express yeah animation and like polar express is too weird they don't look like they don't look cartoon enough very strange and like that's kind of what with these things like i don't need it to first of all also they're not robots what does that mean they're just they're controlled by people the person inside that
Starting point is 00:41:40 it's not it's a person is wearing a heptic. So they move in a different room and they're just moving. And they were like, look at the robots. They're not robots. That's technically a robot. But you can't get it because then you have to get the person. Yeah. And also just have the person pour the drinks. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Why are you having a robot out here controlled by a person? You're pouring it. Just have. Yeah. Also, I would have no interest in these like as a thing like if like i did one of the videos yeah this bartender i'd be like either can i pour this fucking thing myself or can a person come pour this because this robot has been really goddamn slow um but like oh creepy you need a person and a robot to make a robot work just use a person well probably for right now right i guess the idea is that eventually you
Starting point is 00:42:24 would it would you don't need it i don't know i would guess so i i saw have you heard about the the the tesla taxi robo taxis or something like that yeah the bus no well it's like it's an old twitter joke is it like every six months some tech guy reinvents the public bus yeah but it was interesting in that they were like you hop in your your robo taxi and it brings you to like the baseball game they're like imagine there's no parking lot at the baseball game anymore because everyone's just getting dropped off and then while you're at the baseball game it's like an uber for you and it just like makes money picking up people and dropping them off you earn money and then it comes picks you back up yeah that'd be pretty cool the bus if you owned your own bus
Starting point is 00:43:13 i guess that drove around and collected money from people yeah yeah i mean i don't think that's something that we have right now is that a personal bus that picks up people and drops them off while you watch a baseball like Well, that's just like a train. Isn't that just a train? You own the car. But you could buy the bus. Oh, it's a little pot. And you could do it.
Starting point is 00:43:31 I guess you could buy a bus. Yeah. Right? You've got to buy this thing, right? Yeah, but where would you buy a bus? The bus store. The bus store. I mean, they sell buses.
Starting point is 00:43:43 I don't know exactly where you buy them but they for sure sell them I don't know why this reminded me of it I'm done with trying to explain my thought process I'm just gonna if something's random I'm not you've been waiting for that that's what podcasting is man well then I actually have two things one trail mix if trail mix has M&M's
Starting point is 00:43:59 we went way off though if trail mix has whoa cool that's the bus that's the bus from the bus store if trail mix has m&ms in it do they have to pay a dividend to m&m yes but that's why you should call them chocolate candies i think like if you read the label a lot probably don't have like the m's on it's like candy coated chocolate rather than m&m if yes but if you if i think planters might have actual m&ms in it, in which case, yes. I also could imagine that
Starting point is 00:44:27 they're all owned by Procter & Gamble or something, so at the top. Okay, easy answer. Second, the way I halted a conversation, I was thinking because robots and then homeless people, like conspiracies, whatever. You said you weren't going to explain it.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I said I wasn't going to explain it. i was like with yale people again and just like some rich just like whatever and they were talking about homeless people they're like it's getting so bad like you know in in soho like where we live whatever and i was like yeah but like they're like and they're all talking to themselves they're all so drugged out and i was like yeah but like don't we kind of think like maybe they're talking to somebody or like i was like maybe like i was like i kind of am with them like i feel like they're like there's something to it and they all looked at me as if and i was like i was like kidding i wanted to kill myself after you think they're talking like a higher power or something what you think they're talking to somebody? Well, I was just like, they're onto something.
Starting point is 00:45:26 They're all talking to people. Maybe they're in the right, the homeless. If they're all talking to people, don't you think that there's something to it? No. Conversation? Okay, so this is how the Yale people react. It's like, don't you think, like, never mind. Who do you think they're talking to?
Starting point is 00:45:47 You ever been fucked up just mumbling to yourself? Who are you talking to? No, but like they're clearly talking to somebody. Like they're yelling at somebody. And like, it's like if a bunch of people say that they saw a ghost, then like, okay, maybe there's ghosts. But they're not all talking to the same person. I know, but the fact that they're talking to other people, like they're clearly seeing somebody. Like maybe they're seeing like a different realm. Yeah but they're not all talking to the same person i know but but the fact that they're talking to other people like they're clearly seeing somebody like maybe
Starting point is 00:46:07 they're seeing like a different yeah they're on drugs no this is the point you're just like the oh my god wait so you think so you think they're sober and they're just talking to people no i think that they're on drugs but they're able to see something that we can't well sure for sure i agree with you but like but like maybe we're just unable to see something that we can't. Well, sure. For sure. I agree with you. Hallucinogens. But maybe we're just unable to see. Maybe they know more than us. They've unlocked something in their third eye. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:35 And yeah, I'm kidding. I knew you were going to say that. And of course, this is all a joke. You know what? You should do it. I think at this point, you need to make the Yale kids a bit like go in there and say some wacky shit on purpose and just see how much you can really push the envelope with them. Yeah. They would not know what to do with some of that. I think Planet of the Apes is real.
Starting point is 00:46:57 I think they're going to take over. What do you guys think? Pardon me. I mean, I'll push you in touch with my uncle. Yeah. What? I said I'll push you in touch with my uncle. Yeah. What? I said, I'll put you in touch with my uncle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:06 I got one last night. Did you? Wow, he's real consistent with you. Yeah. Every time this comes up, he's like, yeah, you talked to me last night. I got 454 yesterday. Meanwhile, in monkey news, monkey briefly escapes containment at Memphis Zoo. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:47:21 I'm like, where are you getting news from Fox 13 Memphis? He's like, it just finds me, brother. Really? Did he have monkey searches? He said no. I'm like, dude, you're definitely just Googling monkey. No one has this much monkey information. Everybody gets monkey, right?
Starting point is 00:47:39 Everybody gets monkey updates. No, Charlie. Nobody does. That's really fucking funny. What's this one? I'm just going through links you sent me now. Is there a monkey on the loose in North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina? Here's what we know.
Starting point is 00:47:59 I mean, one day, he'll be right. I don't think he'll be around for it. One day, Abe'll be right. I don't think he'll be around for it. One day, Abe shall take over. Did you see Lieutenant Dan from Tampa? Yeah, I saw him. Did we talk about this already? We haven't talked about him yet. So Lieutenant Dan is the guy from Tampa who refused to leave during the hurricane,
Starting point is 00:48:20 and then he kind of went viral because of it, and people helped him out and showed up at the dock he was of it and people helped him out and like showed up on the dock he was at and they helped him move his boat and they're like it's not gonna be safe over here it's gonna be safe over here here's how you tie it up and you know make sure that you're you're you're safe and um and they did all that and he went viral and then aiden ross uh the streamer yeah said i'll give you a hundred thousand dollars either either cash or to buy a new boat and then people were like this man is like a 15 time convicted felon and maybe that's an exaggeration but i do think he's got a lot of priors and um
Starting point is 00:48:58 and so we took it back and then like lieutenant dan did an interview after that not an interview a tiktok where someone was filming him, exploiting him. And he was like, that man should have done his due diligence first. And I just thought it was ridiculous. Lieutenant Dan used the phrase due diligence and was like, I'm in the right here. This guy is taking back his contribution and that's bullshit. He should have figured it out ahead of time. And I was like, God damn it, I'm on Lieutenant Dan's side here.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Do your due diligence before you go around giving out hundreds of thousands. And I was like, God damn it, I'm on Lieutenant Dan's side here. Do your due diligence before you go around giving out hundreds of thousands of dollars to homeless people. He had, I think it's right, I didn't watch the video, but I saw a video where it's like,
Starting point is 00:49:35 it was him sitting on the boat and it was like Lieutenant Dan saying the N word. There was a tweet that was like, within 24 hours, Lieutenant Dan is going to say the N word. It took eight hours. The fastest milkshake duck of all time.
Starting point is 00:49:47 But I mean, for real, Aiden Ross should have done your due diligence or just thought one second ahead. You don't have to do due diligence. Just stereotype. Right, right. The one-legged man living on a boat in Florida. Wait, he only has one leg? He's got a couple priors.
Starting point is 00:50:01 One leg, yeah. That's what I call that, yeah. The modern-day pirate in Tampa Bay. Yeah, peg leg. No fucking kidding. He lives on a boat and he has one leg. He's a pirate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:13 No kidding, he's not a stand-up citizen. You expected this man to not say the N-word to you? Of course he's going to say the N-word. Well, what did he do? He's the boy who lived. Like what? he do? He's the boy who lived. Like what? The crimes? I think a lot of it is like petty stuff,
Starting point is 00:50:29 but I'm sure there's some assault mixed in there. I do think there's some felons, so he's probably a bad dude. I'm just hoping he didn't murder or rape anybody right now because I'm just kind of poo-pooing it, you know? But he looks a lot like Goldberg. Who? I was going to say the guy with no arms. Yes, he does look like that too from Dave's Pizza Reviews.
Starting point is 00:50:51 He looks like right out of Central Casting for a pizza review. But also remember when Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks hit hard times? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a big time crackhead face. That kind of looked like if he shaved his head, he would look a lot like that, dude. I can't believe it. Lieutenant Dan would have the gall to say the N-word, the man with the duct tape boat. KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Halloween lets us have fun with what scares us. But what about the fears that don't involve zombies and ghosts? Therapy is a great way great tool for facing your fears and finding ways to overcome them because sometimes the scariest thing is not facing our fears in the first place and holding ourselves back that is terrifying um you know we've talked about it ad nauseum on the show therapy's helped everyone here uh believe jackie used to use BetterHelp. Everyone's been around the block. Everyone's better for it. So if you're thinking of starting
Starting point is 00:51:50 therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. You can do it all online. You can do it all online you can do it texting you can do it zooming you can do it on the phone does not matter you don't have to go in person of the way you have to carve out two hours of your day to have a one-hour conversation um overcome your fears with better help visit betterhelp.com slash kfc today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash kfc how's that pretty good well i'm just doing all these like random places kind of like putting together this new hour i was gonna say
Starting point is 00:52:30 are you on like since you're right on the precipice are you still doing new stuff or none none like this was like 100 like a full new hour so i'm going to like real shitholes. You still like that? I mean, I like this better than like bombing for an hour in front of like a sold out crowd.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Yeah, it's like, you know, I think it was, we did four shows. Have we started? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:56 Yeah, we did four shows and it's basically like a 300 person theater place or whatever, right? So they were like,
Starting point is 00:53:05 you know, I'm not going to sell 1,200 tickets in Fort Wayne. Yeah. To be honest, it went better than I thought. Yeah. I think for the last five months, like eight hours a day, that's all I did was try and put together a new – because I was so stressed out about going and doing a fresh hour. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:19 And then by when I actually started, I was like, okay, I think I got this. That's got to feel like the most – every time I see you guys put out one and then start a new one, it just, it's got to feel like you're just rolling the ball up the hill. It's very Sisyphean.
Starting point is 00:53:32 It's 100% highs and lows because at the beginning, first you put it out and then you're just like, yo, I don't think I could ever, I don't know how I wrote a single joke. And then like when you finally,
Starting point is 00:53:42 the first time you're like, oh, I can actually do this. You're like, I might be the best comedian alive. As as it clicks you go from dude i'm quitting comedy that's retired that's it and then you start existing because you know just it being good where you're like i just did an hour it was smooth everyone had a good time no one would know that this is like a mess you're just like oh then
Starting point is 00:54:05 you start being like okay well it's not great but you're like no one's complaining to management the the new hour i'm so bad with names what's the name of it uh problem solved problem solved youtube it's very very very funny thank you for watching the dude one of your first jokes was something I went through literally the other day when you were talking about women breastfeeding. Dude, I was on the subway the other day, and it was like you said. I don't know if you said lizard brain or male brain or whatever it was. We're like, I just spotted it. You see one?
Starting point is 00:54:43 Some woman's brain. I see a man. I see a girl.'ve seen like the whole rest of the subway ride i was trying to look the other way yeah and my brain's just going dude there's a tit in the room what the fuck are you doing and i was like and i got i was on the subway with a girl i got off and i was like did you see that woman's breast out she's like no i was like i knew in did you show her you're like well i got pictures. You're in luck. I'll airdrop it to you. Yeah, there is something about that, right? Have you not seen on Instagram the breastfeeding algorithm? I got in the algorithm.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Really? See, this is the reason. And it's just a fucking tit. It's just a kid sucking a tit. And sometimes the baby's fake. That's the new scam they got going on, right? Oh, my God. One of those new board with it. You want American Sniper with it?
Starting point is 00:55:26 No, it's a doll. Yeah, no, no, but there's one of those things called, they make those dolls for people who like their babies die and they're like hyper real. That seems like a bad consolation. So we have bad news and good news. They're called like unborns or something like that
Starting point is 00:55:45 it's like hashtag unborns they're like super real for the women to like have something to like ease them back into it's crazy seems like it wouldn't
Starting point is 00:55:52 help all that much seems like a constant reminder that the real one's dead I don't know kid was eaten by wolves however well
Starting point is 00:56:02 so they just have a doll yeah and there's a whole you know it's only fans chicks figured out like an algorithm like a hack right and then i'm sure you've had this too anytime you're like all my algorithms this everyone hits you with like the algorithm gives you what you want to see like that's on you and you're like well yeah if i'm walking like if you're on the bus and it grills their tits out yeah i might be looking longer than i looked at everyone else because i'm a human being you took five extra seconds for that tit so now you're getting nothing but breastfeeding the whole time that's the algorithm that never worked it's like i watched
Starting point is 00:56:33 one thing one time out of morbid curiosity yeah and i hated it even i looked at a few dick enlargement videos dude i always think that on on uh on porn where like the only thing i ever get to start my porn now is like do you want a fucking ugly old woman i'm like what dude no it used to be like horny old women in your area or like singles in your area mine is just like it's just do you want to it's like, do you want to, it's like, ugly. I'm like, why did it specify ugly? Like, what the fuck is that, dude? Busted chicks in your area. You seem like a guy who likes an ugly bro. Beat widows in your area.
Starting point is 00:57:16 You say anything, say anything. I'd rather have you say, you want to fuck a guy in your area than an ugly woman. Like, at least I'm a fucking hot guy. Yeah, yeah, because that's a commentary on you, right? Yeah,
Starting point is 00:57:28 like, now you're talking about my standards as a person. Forget about my taste. We're just talking about what my, my self-respect is. There was a guy I met when I was on tour and he was a pool boy. So we got to chat.
Starting point is 00:57:40 And he was like, no, like an actual pool boy? Yet legitimate, like meat and potatoes pool boy right and obviously we're like
Starting point is 00:57:48 yo you ever smash the girls and he goes once or twice he has and I've been like kind of saying this now but he basically what he told me this is his words
Starting point is 00:57:56 and he's like dead serious and his friend was corroborating that like he's told this before doesn't make it true but you know like basically he said it was widows
Starting point is 00:58:04 and it was two different ones and it'd be like a girl that was like 80 years old and he said she'd just be like lying there while he's doing the pool stuff and then she starts like pulling her bikini down and then that's then one thing yeah that's why i said i'm like yeah but you didn't have to fuck her right and he's like we kind of do though like the game's the game well dude you know we took an honor code like we took an oath, man. Pool boy. Oh, you know what I was going to say is that, like, there is a, so my parents have a pool.
Starting point is 00:58:30 And, like, sometimes when I'll go home on the long weekend or something like that, like, the pool boy will be around. And I'll be laying by the pool and the fucking pool boy starts cleaning it. John's fucking. Tension starts coming. It's like, we both feel like someone's going to fuck someone. It's like, I'm just vacuuming the pool, man. Put your dick away.
Starting point is 00:58:47 I don't know what you're talking about. It's like by the pool boy, my parents' pool boy is like a 72-year-old Portuguese man. And I'm like, Jacques, do you want to fuck, dude? That's your dad being like, there's no chance this is happening. Yeah, my mom doesn't play tennis. I'm not that guy that's funny though to be like like once or twice uh just he says and the other one the other algorithm that i always find funny than like the breast one this is more recently the disability tiktok like have you seen there's
Starting point is 00:59:20 a guy that just he has no arms and legs and he literally just rolls around and it's the same thing like yeah i look because the first time you're like what the fuck and then you know then that's just before like within a week your whole deal is just all guys rolling around no arms no legs then they're like oh you like that you're gonna love this guy with no face like and before you know it it's just a fucking freak show. I got stuck in some sort of Christian algorithm where they're like anti-masturbation, anti-sex, whatever. That's the fun stuff. They make songs about it. So, of course, I'm watching it being like, these guys are fucking dorks. But now I just got fed all.
Starting point is 00:59:58 They're like, do you want to masturbate? Don't do it, man. Tune into my channel. And I was like, this is fucking wacky it's like the cool youth past yeah yeah totally like and you know that they're probably like the biggest perverts of all it was like a guy and a girl i'm like these two are probably fucking yeah they're probably the creepiest you know did it get your head at all uh well i did buy the bible watch yeah i i the other day the other day no not at all i did give them money i bought a bible like
Starting point is 01:00:27 it showed up in my house and i was like i don't think i ordered anything recently and open up the amazon box and it's a it looks like a fitbit you're like no i already jerked off that was and then so i i got the fucking i opened it up it's like it's a bible watch i still don't even know what it means and then i was like did i buy this like it's like maybe i bought this as a joke and then i saw in my algorithm it's a video of like this guy he grabs a box of tissues and lube and he's like and you see them like moving towards the camera he's like whenever i think of this i think of this that's why i bought it because this is fucking ridiculous i think i was gonna bring it in here like give it to him or wear it myself or whatever but so it's some it spits out like Bible verse.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Now you know if you see a guy walking around with one of those, that's hilarious. You've been jerking. There was a guy who used that thing like a donut. You put it right in. I'm not on a bat. Yeah, you wear it on your dick hand. Oh, baby. It feels like nothing now.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Bible verse is now freewheeling, dude. feels like nothing now we went to high school with a guy that he's like i haven't seen him in a while but in our group chats this guy was the whole deal for like a year and a half because he was uh he was he was uh what do you call it like chronicling his journey of being a masturbation addict oh really black dude that we went to high school with. I was thinking you went to high school with Terry Crews? Did Terry Crews have that? Yes, yes. Big time, big time. He's like crying in the front of the car.
Starting point is 01:01:51 He was like, the addiction to porn's a real thing. That's right. What, dude? No way. He was also the one who was assaulted, right? I think they both kind of got wedged in. I remember the
Starting point is 01:02:05 porn addiction. Terry Crews had an assault and his basic thing was he went to a party and there's like this gay Hollywood producer who grabbed his ass. Yes, yes, yes. And then he went online being like, I was disrespected. It's like, you were, but come on, bro.
Starting point is 01:02:22 You're like the 300 pound dude. You're the office linebacker dude Right You know what to do Beat that guy up Tell him to fucking stop And he probably will Yeah
Starting point is 01:02:32 Probably a stern talking to Would have been fine You know what I mean But It's hard to It's real hard to have sympathy For that one But I didn't know
Starting point is 01:02:40 So he's a masturbation addict too Yeah He was like I just remember one video I don't even think I watched it So he me too'd his own hand as well. That's got to be crazy. When you're like, even when I heard about sex addict,
Starting point is 01:02:53 and the first time I heard that, I'm laughing. I'm like, no, it's not real. And you hear about these people who it controls their lives. But at least they're fucking. See, sex addict. You're a masturbation addict. You got fired from your job because you didn't leave your house because you were masturbating? That's fucking insane, man.
Starting point is 01:03:09 Yeah. Like, sex addict, all right. Like, I don't know. Tiger Woods is like, he had every woman at his disposal. Like, I can understand that. That's a thing. You can't put your fucking hand away for an eight-hour shift. Well, I mean, problem solved.
Starting point is 01:03:21 Like, leave your house. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? Or maybe not. I don't know know that's when you run into real problems we used to have find in every bathroom Asa Akira porn star used to be a co-host
Starting point is 01:03:34 on the show and she used to say she'd be like I am a half hour late for everything because I can't stop masturbating it's like you're the best that's what she says yeah it's cooler when it's a girl. Yeah, right, right. Guy, total pervert, deviant.
Starting point is 01:03:49 Girl, you're awesome. What's your only fan? Like, awesome. We'll work around your schedule. Whatever you need. Yeah. Every time she's late, I'm like, oh, man. I know what's going on now.
Starting point is 01:04:01 Terry Crews, though. Yeah, but yeah, it would be like, I guess the idea is it's like, you know, dudes that are 20 that, you know, never had a girlfriend. They're just nonstop and then it's a cycle
Starting point is 01:04:10 where you're like, well, now I'm not even talking to girls. I guess you're like, yeah, that's a problem. I don't know. You have one of those lock boxes and then when you finally do,
Starting point is 01:04:18 the timer goes up and then it's payday. It's always even better. I'm on time, dude. I'm on time. I'm sure there's, I think it's more, better hammer time dude I'm sure there's I think it's more if you grew up on this
Starting point is 01:04:29 generation of porn you're probably warped in the head for sure on what is going to be really going on in the bedroom anything you want anytime immediately it's like you're not making those noises you're not I can't like punch you in the face while we're doing this but yeah it's not crazy but
Starting point is 01:04:45 like for a guy like terry cruz it's like stop trying to have adversities you know it's one of the more ridiculous and then everybody like like went along with it being like yeah no it can happen to like you too and it's like come on we're all we're all being silly now well i think the christ Christian masturbation addicts, they're kind of, a lot of those dudes are probably like, you know, it's once a week. Right, right. They do it all.
Starting point is 01:05:12 They have succumbed to it once a week. I'm going to hell. Yeah, exactly. Brother, you should have seen me from 1997 to 2001. You want to talk to Keith Richards? He can survive it. I just went to a funeral that had a gay priest doing the funeral ceremony.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was interesting. I mean... And he was like zesty too like full on yeah yeah it was it me and my brothers were like interesting okay that was a new school church i don't want to say lines from your show but now that might be my favorite one now i'm thinking about it which one like I don't think being gay is a choice. How gay you are is. You don't have to do all that. Bit of a choice, yeah. You could stop that if you wanted to. I forgot about that. That's very funny.
Starting point is 01:05:59 It's the only sexuality with an accent. I was thinking about that. I feel like I've heard. I said if pedophiles had an accent, that would solve the whole problem. A guy showing up here for the coaching. Not you.
Starting point is 01:06:10 Not you. You're out. Not talking like that. You're not. I feel like I heard a story. A comic was on a podcast recently. There's so many of them.
Starting point is 01:06:19 So many clips out there now who was saying like he he knew a guy who was gay in high school and like talked normal and acted normal and acted normal, and then they reconnected however many years later, and it was the full-blown performance.
Starting point is 01:06:30 Oh, yeah. I know multiple of those. I know one that's a chick now. Yeah, I guess. I guess it's all on the same line there, yeah. No, but yeah, putting on the... I mean, that's not even... I don't need a hot take to say that.
Starting point is 01:06:47 The gay guy accent, not... They weren't born with it. I don't think that's a hot take. We have a guy here, Pat, who's gay. He's the worst gay in the world. No accent? No accent. The first time he walked into the office,
Starting point is 01:07:02 it was like, you see the new Trump clip when someone's like, gays for Trump. He was like, where are the gays for Trump? He was like, you're not gay. He goes, you don't look gay. And that was the whole office when Pat walked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:07:12 We're expecting. No one had seen his face. It was just email. And he was, at the time, to get into Barstool, was like, I'm going to be the hockey writer, and I'm going to be the baseball writer, the golf writer. And then he was like, I will cover the gays. That was his thing, doing gay news and gay comedy. What's the show? He does the show? Yeah, he does Out and About. Out and About. Yeah, the golf writer. And then he was like, I will cover the gays. Like that was his thing, doing like gay news. Is that who does the show?
Starting point is 01:07:27 He does the show? Yeah, he does Out and About. Out and About. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in the beginning, this was just like blogging. So it was just like, I think his name on the blog was Gay Pat. Gay Pat, for sure. It was just Gay Pat.
Starting point is 01:07:36 And he was just like in the news. He's a funny guy. Yeah, yeah. But then he showed up and it was like, so where's Pat? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where is he? White trash. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:46 The opposite of that one. I like two dudes. I knew that were like, everyone knew was gay, but then like, uh, but weren't at the time cause we were younger. And then later on I ran into the one and I was like, oh, you're gay now. Like, yeah, obviously. Right. And he was like, yeah, of course.
Starting point is 01:08:02 And then I go, what about the other guy? Like this other dude i'm like jeff he's gay too and he goes yo he told me he goes i ran into him and i was saying the same thing like yo maybe we should fuck we're obviously gay now right yeah and then he goes christian married with a wife no full accent like even when we were younger like full like just you've never met any like the classic like, like, you know what I mean? Married Christian wife. And he wasn't Christian then, like went Christian,
Starting point is 01:08:27 like the masturbation addict. This guy legit prayed the gay away. He just gives you a call on the algorithm. He's like, all right, here's the answer. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:08:34 dude, you probably found on that stuff. He prayed the gay away. There's a guy, a black comic in New York that went to pray the gay away camp and he says he's, stays off the dick.
Starting point is 01:08:44 He tries to, he relapses i'm about to fuck him yeah i'm about to fuck this guy right now tell me walk talk me off the ledge man that's so funny being like oh i'm ready to put in my mouth right now you can't stop me you can't stop me. You can't stop me. He's at the other side of a glory hole. It's coming through. What he says a lot of Pray the Gateway camp is, it's like therapy,
Starting point is 01:09:17 but very alpha male kind of shit a little bit, but with a tad of, I guess, emo-ness. Because he said it was like you had like a pillow and you would yell stuff into the pillow that you were like actually mad at your dad about you know what I mean
Starting point is 01:09:30 like you never picked me up from soccer or whatever he said there's a lot of that kind of stuff like like you know getting the rage out real straight shit
Starting point is 01:09:39 yeah totally totally straight the only thing worse than that are the the guys who go to these Navy SEAL camps, like the ex-Navy SEALs, to become like alpha men. Oh, yeah, the alpha male camps. They're just like crying with each other.
Starting point is 01:09:54 That one where he's pushing him back and he starts crying is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. The alpha male camps, you almost feel bad too because you know it's just two dudes that were like, oh, I'm going to go hang out with billionaires. You know what I mean? I'm going to become a man. I'm going to make so many connections.
Starting point is 01:10:10 And you go, and it's just a bunch of you. It's a bunch of you. There's one guy yelling at you. There's no connections to be made. It's a bunch of guys thinking they're going to make these connections. Oh, look at this. This is so bad. Oh, there's one.
Starting point is 01:10:22 Fuck. I can't remember what it was called. I wish I could remember the name of it but uh it's like they do a conference and they have a part of it for girls and they have a conference of how to be a better wife and it was like why dinner needs to be on the table and like all this shit and it was like why your husband now we're talking yeah now i can get behind that yeah and then like why your husband should be allowed to cheat. That was one of the seminars. Just saying like imagine telling your wife like, all right.
Starting point is 01:10:50 I went to the conference, honey. All right, I'm going to the bodybuilding seminar. I got you signed up for the why your husband should be allowed to cheat at 2 p.m. We're supposed to be at Sandals this weekend. Instead, we came to fucking this. The seventh commandment, you know, I'm going to fucking this the seventh commandment you know i'm allowed to i'm gonna go fuck the uh fuck the pool boy why why you should be like your husband should be allowed to cheat it was like called 802 conference it was something like that i can't remember but
Starting point is 01:11:15 yeah no these are i mean it's the ultimate grifters and i i almost i gotta tip my cap to the guys who are making the money the more you have to tip your cap to the ones that haven't, like I tip my cap to the ones less that like made a ton of money. And now they're kind of, you know, this is their new hustle. I tip my cap more to the guy that has done nothing. And he's selling you how to get rich. He's getting rich.
Starting point is 01:11:39 And the only thing he's ever done is tell other people how to get rich. Yeah. What, what, what step one, find fucking idiots like yourself. It's like, it's like a YouTube video on people how to get rich yeah what what step one find fucking idiots like yourself it's like it's like a youtube video on like how to beat the algorithm and it has 3 000 views the the the the trad wife thing oh that is like so popular now uh-huh is one of the crazier
Starting point is 01:12:02 things i've ever seen like how does that get again i i don't like i think it's that one doesn't surprise me that one doesn't surprise you well if you're okay if you're not if you're a certain type of woman and then there's a woman on there being like showcasing you know look how sick my life is but none of them again again i yeah they're aspiring trad they're they're beating the algorithm. Everything I see, I'm like, you're in an outfit from Plymouth Plantation, and you're making your own
Starting point is 01:12:31 butter. What is the appeal here? You've had nine kids. I guess people do want that. They're all fucking religious. There's probably two parts to it. The first part is it's always funny when you watch the guy
Starting point is 01:12:46 that has to be in it and he doesn't want to so it's like you know the wife starts doing the trad wife content and now the guy's gotta be like a fucking influencer right
Starting point is 01:12:52 and then the second part of it I'm sure that when the girl started being like oh I'm gonna make these Instagram videos the guy was like finally something for this woman to do
Starting point is 01:13:00 instead of just like sitting around bothering me right and then afterwards he probably is like this is a nightmare this one was the crazy one when the whole world was like this girl oh this is a ballerina is that the pookie thing no this girl was like uh really successful right and like dropped everything to become a a housewife oh and like and then she posted like you know
Starting point is 01:13:22 her fucking milking the cows and picking up the eggs and raising 95 kids. And her husband sucks. And the whole internet was like, blink twice if you're fucking kidnapped. What's wrong with the husband? What does he suck? He's just like, no, people don't. I don't think he's anything terrible. He's not terrible, but people speculate.
Starting point is 01:13:43 There's one video where like. Oh, wait. Is this? And then the guy shit. He's not terrible, but people speculate. Like, there's one video where, like... Oh, wait. Is this... And then the guy went to jail or something after? Something crazy happened. No. Oh, no. This was the one where he booked the ticket next to her on the plane.
Starting point is 01:13:54 I don't know about that. You know what I'm talking about? It was something like... Well, there's an info... I'm almost positive it was his dad, like, owns JetBlue. And he saw this girl... And people are wondering why she was with him? Yeah, right, right, right. Knew that she was going to be on this flight, so are wondering Why she's with him Yeah right right right
Starting point is 01:14:05 Knew that she was Going to be on this flight So he like booked the ticket Like right next to her And was like You know made it like Candid Like we just happened to meet
Starting point is 01:14:13 And it was like All planned out And she like gave up her life As like a Juilliard ballerina She had said no before Like I don't want to Like go on a date with you
Starting point is 01:14:22 And then he booked the flight Right And he like Tracked her down I don't think anything terrible And then it worked Dude that is like a There was a video of her to um like go on a date with you and then he booked the flight right and he like tracked her down i don't think anything terrible worked and then dude that is like there was a video of her opening up her like a birthday present and and he's like here's your birthday present honey and it's a box and she goes like this doesn't look like a trip to greece like we talked about honey and then like they open it more and it's like an envelope and she's like i don't think a trip to
Starting point is 01:14:43 greece can fit in here and it's like a gift card to like the farmer yeah, and it's like an envelope. And she's like, I don't think a trip to Greece can fit in here. And it's like a gift card to the farmer. Yeah, an apron. It was almost scripted. I could see you doing a skit like this. She opens up a fucking apron at the end. And she's like, great. And also, to be fair on her, the judgment she was making,
Starting point is 01:15:03 a trip to Greece only fits in an envelope. Yeah, whatever it was that she was saying. She was just like, I Greece only fits in an envelope. Yeah. Whatever, whatever it was, she was just like, I don't know. It's exactly where it's going to be. I don't think this is what we talked about. I don't think a plane can fit in an envelope. Honey, um,
Starting point is 01:15:14 back on YouTube. Don't give some videos to me. So I thought you were talking about the family. Cause there was one recently. And then basically it was like an influencer family and everyone was in it. And then now the girl's going to jail for like a while. And the kids were all like malnourished and being forced. Oh, yeah, that one was crazy.
Starting point is 01:15:32 You know, they're on treadmills like forced to Japanese, like live stream 10 hours a day. They were like the number one mom influencer family. And the kid, he was duct taped up in the house and he escaped ran over to the neighbors and was like he was like the kid was like do you have a telephone and the the old man in the house next door was like oh he had bruises on him and everything he's like uh i think we need to call the police that woman that woman is a real piece of shit that yeah uh ruby frank she is a fucking scum i would imagine that minimum 50% of parent influencers are freaks. Yeah, minimum.
Starting point is 01:16:11 Like, bare minimum. Because it's like, once you see how any of the YouTube, it's like Hollywood, you know what I mean? And if you're Hollywood and your act is like your family, you're not a normal fucking family. Hell no. And so you're going to be abusing these kids or whatever. Even the Rizzler guy, when we saw that, when the Costco video came out, he was like, that guy who goes boom, you know, that little kid?
Starting point is 01:16:40 He was like, say it like this. Even the Rizzler and the big justice guy are fighting each other. These people are definitely fucking idiots. Dude, we had them come in. Not like come in. They were at the office. Bro, Rizzler? They lit the place up, dude.
Starting point is 01:16:52 Oh, I'm bad. The boom kid and the dad. And they were at the office. And I was just sitting in here. And I guess they were touring the office. And they walked by. And they poked their heads in. And they were like, oh, KFC Radio.
Starting point is 01:17:04 I can buy you and i was like i was just sitting there i think i was like typing something i was like oh what's up guys and like they had they had an entourage like 30 people with them and everyone's like whoa you don't want to say hi to the boom guy whatever his name is and like they not it was a completely normal interaction to be very clear but i i stood up and i was like oh what do we got here because they had a bunch of cookies with them and they're like they're double chocolate chunks and i was like i don't know what that is and then luckily it's like part of their lore it's like part of their thing and then luckily one of the guys who works here saved me by being like he's like oh yeah this is the kind of guy he would
Starting point is 01:17:38 ask jordan what kind of sneakers he's wearing and i was like i don't think they have chocolate chip cookies locked down like Michael Jordan has Jordans locked down. It's not that. It doesn't belong to them. Who said that to save you? Jack Mack. That's fucking hilarious. It was a true save.
Starting point is 01:17:55 I was like, oh, I'm such an idiot. So sorry, blah, blah, blah. But I was like, I just thought they were cool. Can I have one? In a short period of time, yeah, God real. Putting your stamp on chocolate chip cookies pretty fucking gangster crazy it's like calling the color blue yeah you're wearing you know i'm the gray shirt guy right yeah interesting i guess we'll both do it i couldn't believe though between
Starting point is 01:18:17 the rizzler and the boom kid they came they both came by the office like within a month and like this place like people change their flights to stick around to see him. Wow. I was like, this is, he's eight. And you know he's going to get pushed out by the new guy in a week. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Real Rizzler.
Starting point is 01:18:36 I had heard of the Rizzler, but I was like, oh, he's probably a teenage kid or something. He's eight years old. And we have grown adults geeking out over it this is a baby and they're like can i get a picture with you i mean i thought it was one of the craziest things that ever happened here i was like what are we doing as a company here guys like at least like you can get excited but reel it in a little bit in public holy fucking shit man i i've always wondered like and not to say that's what's going to happen to these guys but the people who have like
Starting point is 01:19:08 their internet 15 minutes of fame which is like a reality like two minutes of fame like what happens to them you know back in the day it disappeared and you never heard from them again but like now it's like you have your 50 minutes of fame and then you linger you have 8 000 8 million subscribers forever so you go there's a lot of those random people from like two years ago and you're like well remember that guy and you're like remember that guy he does a million views a day well you know his company made 10 million dollars last year he just did an IPO for his chocolate bars I did I did exactly that with um because I was wondering this very recently and I was like like
Starting point is 01:19:44 pookie and whatever like you actually mentioned, and I was like, like Pookie and whatever, like you actually mentioned them earlier, I think. Like what happened with them? And I went and looked at like, I think their TikTok and Instagram was like, oh, they have millions of followers on both. Totally. And there's a lot of companies that are better at keeping it now, right? Like there's Hawk, I mean Hawk too, obviously.
Starting point is 01:20:00 But like Pookie and Jet, that was a two-week window and I never heard about them ever again. Lieutenant Dan. They're probably sending and selling their fucking clothing brand or smoothies or whatever the fuck it is next. It's crazy. Dude, we were talking about Lieutenant Dan earlier. Today? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:15 Because he apparently has a bunch of felonies or a bunch of- Yeah, I've been all over it. And then I guess there was a video of him saying the N-word. Everyone likes a Florida guy until he starts doing Florida guy shit. I was like, what are you doing? You're surprised the one-legged man on a boat in Tampa has a bit of a grisly past? I know. They're like, what's next?
Starting point is 01:20:33 I'm going to find out he smokes? The one-legged man on a boat in Tampa who refused to leave for a Category 6 hurricane. Yeah, he's probably a bit of a fucking loose cannon. It's crazy, yeah. When he said due diligence though it killed me that aiden ross gave him a hundred thousand dollars and then took it back it's like you didn't you got to do your due diligence i was like this is nuts bro my favorite uh hurricane thing that i've been saying is the all the there's like a lot of videos on the news i've seen this actual on real news not social media but it was two families back to back where the girl was like you know i'm trying to
Starting point is 01:21:11 leave and he said we shouldn't and he didn't think it'd be a big deal and it looks like this happened and they're just like in this much water and i'm just like that guy's gonna be hearing about that for the rest of his life i feel so bad for the guy like even if he was like she's like let's go it's gonna oh let's get umbrellas it's gonna rain he's like i don Even if he was like, she's like, let's go. It's going to, oh, let's get umbrellas. It's going to rain. He's like, I don't think it's going to rain. She's just going to be like,
Starting point is 01:21:28 remember. I'd rather die in the hurricane than have that future because that guy's never going to hear the end of it. That's 15 years of him not being able to say anything. Minimum. I remember the, I think there is some actual devastation
Starting point is 01:21:42 and people without power and all that stuff. I don't. Yeah, obviously. But the day after, they just kept showing the trop. And I was like, well, the roof is made of paper. I was going to say, I'm surprised that roof survives on a day-to-day basis at all. What's the trop? Where the Devil Rays play.
Starting point is 01:21:58 It's like the shittiest stadium in the world. It's like the worst stadium, and the whole roof came off. But the foundation of the roof didn't come off. I did see that video a lot. Everyone just kept showing it. I was like, it's made of fucking paper. It was a paper roof. Yeah, that one probably didn't hold up too well in Hurricane Milton.
Starting point is 01:22:14 My favorite was this chick on Twitter. She went viral after the mayor of Tampa went on and was like, if you do not evacuate, you will die. And this girl quote tweeted it and was like, if you do not evacuate, you will die. And this girl quote tweeted it and was like, this is a little crazy. This is a little out of pocket that the mayor is saying you're going to die on the news.
Starting point is 01:22:36 And it went super viral and all the comments were like, no, no, no. It's pretty real. If you say you're going to die. And she goes, I don't know about all that. That just seems pretty crazy to say you're going to die. die and they were like the mayor is trying to save people and she was like it just sounds too serious for me i can't how many more times are we gonna do yeah right right i mean i don't even know if i had the screenshots anymore but it was it was just like this has happened a thousand hurricanes in a row now yeah everyone's like, nah, it'll be fine.
Starting point is 01:23:05 It's like, don't do that. My buddy's grandma did that. There's a lot of crying wolf. I think that's why people, if you talk to people there, they were kind of like, well, because every time they tell you to leave, like there's, it's not a hundred. It's, you know, let's say it's 25. So you could get three in a row where you're like, they told me this three years in a row. I get the idea of being like this.
Starting point is 01:23:23 They always say this. Right. Right. I remember doing that with COVID being like, heard this with sars and we heard it with the swine flu me and dave were like dancing around having a time like this is fake like a thousand people a day died i was like dude my buddy's grandma my buddy's from new orleans and his grandma was like for katrina she was like i'm not leaving i'd rather die in my house and she just died in her house really dude i remember after katrina the year after to be honest we i went back to his house and you know they did like the spray paint like they would
Starting point is 01:24:01 spray paint on doors to like i forget what the actual like equation of it was you watched the doc about it recently but it was like there was like a almost like a tic-tac toe board and it was like up here like they're all there were numbers for everything and we went to his grandma's house and like it was still up with like one dead body found in it and i was like do you we've been paid paid over this now you think like this sure this looks a little ridiculous now. Yeah. Sean Penn didn't get her? Harry Connick Jr. is trying to. He's in the mix. Did she, like, starved? Like, was it like she was stuck there or she got wiped out? Yeah, because you can die in bad ways.
Starting point is 01:24:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd rather, you know, like, Twister style. Just get, like, one fell swoop. Yeah, yeah. Send me away into, like, the swamp. Not like, yeah, you're up there like this then the crocodiles come in there's some gruesome deaths you can get in those hurricanes yeah there was no but there really are still fly like it's a whole mess there really was uh like either alligators or crocodiles though washing up in weird places
Starting point is 01:25:03 around i don't know if they actually got anyone. That was one of our all-time best moments here. Early on, Barstool days, there was the Edgartown shark. Yeah. It was flooding in Boston. Martha's Vineyard. Martha's Vineyard. And there was a report that there was sharks in the streets.
Starting point is 01:25:24 And there was this dude he just put a fucking fin on his head and just was like swimming around and it made reports like the edgartown shark and see that guy would have like the biggest podcast in the world yeah yeah right it was just too early dave put it up a blog being like there's fucking sharks in the streets and the end of the video he just didn't watch it to the end the end is the guy standing up just with a shark fin on his head it was so fucking good yeah that guy that guy would be like you know uh collabing with mr beast right now fucking making new lunchables with logan paul and those guys there was when i lived in toronto they had a good week where the whole streets were flooded like that and it was up
Starting point is 01:26:05 to the waist in toronto yeah people had like you know boats going around the city it was recently or no this is right like 15 years ago but it's like something it's like new york like it's so random yeah drake had a video he put up like like a couple months ago where water was just rushing into his house oh yeah they must have got whacked pretty recently too it was just rushing into his house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They must have got whacked pretty recently, too. It was just, like, dirty water flooding into, like, his... He's got a lot of houses, though. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he was probably just... I feel like that wasn't a Toronto-wide thing. That might have just been...
Starting point is 01:26:33 Oh, I mean, yeah. He's just posting his plumbing problems. That's where he's at right now. Do not hire Jason and Jason Plumbing. Look at that. It's just like... no, it was Toronto. Oh, yeah, it was Toronto. I was like, I think that's just like shit.
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Starting point is 01:28:27 Tom Green was a Toronto guy right? Tom Green's Toronto Yeah I just saw a video recently Of him basically inventing podcasts I didn't know that It was a video He kind of invented everything
Starting point is 01:28:42 In a weird way Yeah It was 2007 And Joe Rogan was It was more like he invented He kind of invented everything in a weird way. It was 2007, and Joe Rogan was... It was more like he invented the Joe Rogan Show, basically. He had Joe Rogan on his show, which at the time, I think, was still like the Tom Green Show. But they had, like, an old-ass computer, and they were Skyping... Fans were Skyping in and just asking questions. It was a live stream.
Starting point is 01:29:04 Yeah, right, right. And Joe Rogan was like, this is awesome. And Tom Green's like, yeah, man, like, we don't have any time constraints. We don't have any language constraints. We talked directly to the fans. Like, it's the most fun I've had in a while. And you can see Rogan being like, this is, like, fucking something. And then Tom Green's like, I think we need to make, like, an interweb,
Starting point is 01:29:25 like an internet web of all of us creators where like advertisers can like spend money i was like this motherfucker invented pop yes and and and then you know i mean rogan really was like this is this is something and then you know i remember that dollars later i remember that show when it was happening i was watching some of those shows when it was happening so so he that was on he had it he had a house in los angeles and then he just had you know i guess the whole floor that was just made into like something like this probably right and then yeah he'd have like these celebrities come through uh tom green.com or something like that yeah it was on his website crazy dude crazy i mean i'm sure he's done well for himself to me it was like that was the original and then maybe like
Starting point is 01:30:05 the biggest Carolla, Ricky Gervais' original one. I don't know. What was Ricky's? He had one where it was him and this guy, Carl Pilkington.
Starting point is 01:30:14 Do you remember that? And then Steve Marchand. So Ricky Gervais and Steve Marchand, who's the other guys, they were on like a radio show together, I believe.
Starting point is 01:30:21 I might be getting tiny parts of this wrong, but they used to be like radio guys and then Carl Pilkington was like their producer and then basically they ended up they had some radio show kind of for a while and then they started doing this uh podcast i think after the office and basically it was like those two and then one guy that was like dumb and didn't understand the world kind of thing yeah and then each episode they would do like a different topic
Starting point is 01:30:43 you know i don't know what they were like immigration or whatever and him like not understanding how the world every topic was atheism yeah yeah yeah that was well then he did one with sam harris where it was like yeah every episode was like he there's nothing up there the uh fuck was exactly you know who actually made the podcast who what who actually invented him have i said this before? Steve Jobs? Steve Jobs invented the podcast. The actual podcast, probably, yeah. I never thought of it like that.
Starting point is 01:31:10 I saw a video of him standing on stage where he's like, it's a broadcast on your iPod. Podcast. I was like, I never put that together. I've been doing this for 15 years. And then as I was going down the- It's all just radio again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:21 Well, that was the thing. So I went down the rabbit hole with this Tom Green thing, and there was this dude, Adam Curry, who't curry no agenda they still have a podcast yeah they they call him like the pod the pod father because his show was called i think same thing he was like a hollywood guy and yeah he was a vj on mtv for a while too oh yeah and i i think his show was called the podcast pod show which is just funny to think of like they're just like mashing all the words together but he was uh like doing a radio show and then it got like re re uh you know re-up like on demand or whatever it was and that was 2005 really yeah pod show in 2000 january 2005
Starting point is 01:31:59 so from uh 05 to 07 he hosted a weekly evening show on Sirius called Adam Curry's Pod Show. So it was radio. It's all kind of radio related. It's interesting when you find all the random people. You go look back and you go, right, that guy was an MTV VJ. That's where he came from. And it's just sometimes like kind of what you were saying earlier where you're like, whatever happened to that guy?
Starting point is 01:32:22 And it's like they still ended up killing it in one way or another. You know what I mean? Carson Daly is like aid muir cold away from hosting a debate right yeah because he's like abc's guy in my opinion i don't pay attention that like if you had mentioned carson daly i'd be like guys probably living in the gutter but i think if you can hang around long enough if you don't fuck up you don't have like a major scandal and you're decently talented and you can put like 20 books. Yeah. You'll you'll get something because they'll just be like, I don't know. We need a host or we need to this or we need to that.
Starting point is 01:32:55 And they're like, this guy's still doing it. Like, do you ever see the other one where I'll be like some guy that was like the star of some big show when you were a kid and then you're just flipping through local news and he's like a local weather guy now you're like oh that went south i'm obsessed with whatever cory feldman's been doing for the last yeah exactly that's great yeah his like his musical performances are unbelievable i don't know if i've seen them oh my god he's like he i i think he actually is playing the last video i saw was fred durst was like they were at some music festival and fred durst pulled up a chair and sat right in front of him and was like people have been saying that you're not actually playing your guitar like fucking prove it and i think he did i think he just started shredding yeah i could actually play the guitar but he's
Starting point is 01:33:40 trying to be this music uh whatever yeah mean, it's quite the scene. I think he's leaned into the troll a little bit now. Yeah, I think he knows what's going on. Because his dances are ridiculous and shit. Yeah, people know now. Even KSI you saw recently where it's like everyone says it's the worst song ever. And within an hour, they've figured out how to lean into that. And now, yeah, that's the joke.
Starting point is 01:34:01 Yeah, you can't lose if you just keep pivoting on, you know, every single time. Once you really master the internet like that, it's just the money keeps rolling in. But it requires a level of you almost like cease to exist as a human being. Yeah, right, right. You have no moral standards. Like you get home and look in the mirror and it's just blank. You kind of adjust like computer code at that point. There's a pixelated face. Yeah, everything's just zeros and ones. You're just in the mirror and it's just blank like you kind of adjust like computer code at that point face yeah everything's just zeros and ones you're just in the matrix yeah you kind
Starting point is 01:34:28 of do like at some point when you become that like i'm just always like going with the flow with wherever the algorithm takes me that's who i am right now like you just eventually you're not a human being anymore you're rich as fuck but yeah you're just like a cyborg on this earth to sell prime yeah we were talking about that with with the lunchable thing it was like you probably are making a ton of money and they're talking about how it's like a healthier alternative to lunchables or whatever but it's like well why do you want to sell lunchables to kids yeah it's just a weird thing to well one thing that i'd go on those guys like you know even at barstool like there's always like a backdrop of sports you know you guys are like broadcasters like there's there's always like some like
Starting point is 01:35:09 there's something of like a craft underneath it yeah where it's like they're what what those guys were there was never anything to begin with right so it's never like oh i'm originally this so that's where like maybe i'm a bit of a musician maybe i'm this maybe so it's like there is no like selling out you're like it started at selling, there is no like selling out. You're like, it started at- Selling out. Yeah. The thing is selling out. The backdrop is selling out. The backdrop is like getting views at all costs, right?
Starting point is 01:35:31 So I think every direction is like, is really selling Lunchables any different than whatever the hell else? I don't know, what is he? I guess he's a boxer now. Well, you reach a point where, yeah, like he's a WWF, Logan is at least WWF like superstar now. Well, you reach a point where, yeah, like, he's a WWF. Logan is at least a WWF, like, superstar now.
Starting point is 01:35:49 Yeah, that was actually cool. That's a good direction. When your, like, pivots can all of a sudden become fucking awesome. Yeah, that's a cool pivot. You know, like, there's still some talent and athleticism and all that sort of shit. But, yeah, I think anybody who's just, like, you don't have any anchor. You need to have some sort of anchor. I think so.
Starting point is 01:36:07 Like your original thing, you know? I was thinking about that. I was watching some Sunny this weekend. And like, how I think later, in later seasons, it becomes more clear. Like, almost like Charlie Day and Charlie Kelly met in the middle. And we kind of say that with Dave sometimes,
Starting point is 01:36:22 where it's like, El Presidente and Dave Portnoy used to be two different people now they're the same with the Charlie Kelly, Charlie Day thing I was like actually I think it's kind of a good thing where like the person himself comes a little more outgoing, the character comes a little more reserved
Starting point is 01:36:37 a hybrid of both is actually where it's at yeah it's actually a good sweet spot to be in that's assuming you liked the character right right right right exactly Sonny I like all of them there's probably a different show where i'd be like like you're talking about wrestling like and there's all that vince mcmahon stuff like i imagine wrestling's probably the number one place where it gets blurry you know what i mean yeah at what point you're like i've spent more time as macho man you know absolutely those guys man That documentary is...
Starting point is 01:37:05 They were... I love the wrestling documentaries. Vince is like... He was like a god. You know what I mean? To those guys, it was like you cannot beat him. There was just some guy
Starting point is 01:37:13 who was like... It was that booker who was just kind of like assaulting people and like fucking with them and they were just like, well, Vince likes him so we just have to let that
Starting point is 01:37:21 keep happening. It's like, what? Especially in the... You know, you go to the Mexican wrestlings where it's like, you know, the promoter just shoots a guy and kills him. It's crazy. But I want to wrestle next week, so I'm not going to say anything. Yeah, kind of is like the Lieutenant Dan thing, though, too,
Starting point is 01:37:34 where it's like, you know, when they started doing audits of wrestling and being like, this guy was, you know, treating women bad or whatever, and you're just like, these are roided up psychopaths. You're like, who's controlling them? One of the saddest things I ever watched was the American Gladiators. Oh, I don't know if you guys had that really. Yeah, I know what American Gladiators was. I haven't seen it though yet.
Starting point is 01:37:54 They did a documentary on those guys because at one point they were like rock stars. They were like doing ratings and they were making no money. And like the network was killing it and they were like doing steroids uh addicted to painkillers surgeries tearing their bodies apart making 300 bucks a day or 300 bucks a show and it was like it was sad because they were a lot of them were like i wanted to be a football player or whatever and they just they got injured or they like just missed the pro aspect but then they had this other thing that was like pretty damn close you know like they still got the rush
Starting point is 01:38:30 of being famous and yeah yeah but they were making like nothing your goal is like one day i can go to a comic con and maybe make right right there was yeah there was no like light at the end of the tunnel and it was like you're performing like you know i don't know it was like six nights a week and like fucking random spots across the country and and all it's very interesting though it was like it is always funny in sports especially like the tiniest you know and in let's say entertainment the deviations between like movie star and like there's still always pathways where you're like i i like i played lacrosse growing up in hockey and it was like literally if you're the top lacrosse guy you go on to be like
Starting point is 01:39:07 a firefighter who plays you're like the number one lacrosse player in the world who's also a firefighter or a teacher or you go to the NHL and you're you know multi-million dollar contract
Starting point is 01:39:16 and it was like the same kind of thing you know what I mean it's like right there the tiniest deviation like leads you to be you'll never make you'll be the best guy in
Starting point is 01:39:25 the world maybe you clear 60k yeah yeah well that's i mean you definitely have that on the internet too where it's like like for every like haktua girl there's somebody who kind of went equally as viral or super viral and didn't like harness it the same way you know what i mean for every girl on only fans is making tons of, there's a girl who, you know, put all her nude photos out there and three of her coworkers and her uncle subscribed. Yeah, right. And you're just like, wait,
Starting point is 01:39:52 why is she making $100,000 a month and I just got my uncle watching me? Like, what the fuck? I did all that. Yeah, yeah. And it's like not... Your uncle watching. That's gotta be a nightmare when you hear the story of like how much they're making.
Starting point is 01:40:09 It's always a month too, right? It's the strangest – Oh, yeah. The only job where we talk about how much money people make a month. Like it stresses you out? Yeah. And then like – but yeah, if you go all out and you're like quit your job and you let your family know and it just doesn't work
Starting point is 01:40:25 like well i still have to they had a sell insurance the ones that's working too they had a like right now there's a big court case i believe with like only fans and one of the basically like a class action fraud suit and the reason is because you know the people are messaging for the girls right yes which is obviously the funniest thing like we actually know there's a guy in new york he's like around and he does that he does that job that's his gig yeah like goes to work clocks in yeah a fucking nice car we had a guy here did that but oh my god he was like i don know, fresh out of college. He was like 20 years old. Yeah, being like 8 out of 10, 6 out of 10.
Starting point is 01:41:09 But he was probably happy to do it. It's one thing. If you're like, that's your job, that's your career, you better be making fucking. I mean, it's not a good job. It's not a good part-time job. It's not worth anything, man. No thank you.
Starting point is 01:41:24 What percentage of guys are like do you think you're like i'm actually messaging with her right now i i think they all it's like so public now but maybe they're like this one's different i absolutely think like it's the same thing every time a guy walks in a strip club like no no i guess it really likes me like i really think there are still guys who really think that it's different because i bet you these guys are getting wise to that too they're sending messages like no no i'm different prove it's you yeah picture of you with the paper they have yeah they probably have that shit on deck every morning the girl takes a picture with the fucking paper every morning you send it to me whatever it is you know proof of life every single day on on only
Starting point is 01:42:02 pants i guess that's what happened but then so basically they're doing the class action suit and but it's funny because they're kind of like they want the girls to have to message themselves or it's fraud and you're like you don't have these girls like fucking can't tie their shoes you want them to run so this is 10 hours a day this is uh like subscribers have all have all Gotten together It's funnier to think That one subscriber had enough Aaron Brockovich of OnlyFans
Starting point is 01:42:33 Yeah class action suits is more like Law firm smells Yeah yeah yeah But it's on behalf of people subscribing Because they think they're getting the girls talking A lot of these I think there's some litigator That's like I think I can be the guy that- Rico with the fucking-
Starting point is 01:42:47 You go Rico. Yeah. Get them all, tear them all down. I never even thought that'd be a funny, that'd be a good comedy series if they did that trial. You know what I mean? Just having to put the messages on. And at this time when she said-
Starting point is 01:43:01 Exhibit A over here. Dude, that is, I never understood that side of it. But he didn't say that. It was our pick, Singh, that told you you had a nice cock. How did that make you feel? That's even funnier to think about being outsourced to some fucking Indian click farm. It's got to be a lot of that. It has to be.
Starting point is 01:43:19 It's 100%. It has to be. Very nice. But also, if you're one of those guys who wants the... I guess if you really think you are talking to those girls... Do you think some of those guys get too undercover and they just go gay? Like some guy that's like... Do you think there's any guy that...
Starting point is 01:43:38 Like he just got lost in the sauce. He started as a part-time job and now I'm just gay. Like the guy who was in the biker gang too long as an undercover. He came out like gay Blanca. You ever seen Street Fighter when they trap the guy in the room and just show him footage of war, and he comes out and he's Blanca? You just come out and you're like Nathan Lane? I always think that if you were super racist,
Starting point is 01:44:05 being undercover in the Klan would be the best job in the world for you. I'm just acting. This is part of my gig. If you're like 15 years, you're like, I'm close. Your wife's like, you keep saying the N-word. You're like, I'm stopping crime. Taking down gangs. Don't you understand?
Starting point is 01:44:21 The gang's done, dude. You can come back home. No, no, no. There's more work to be done. It's deeper than you think. Racism never dies. You don't understand. It's human.
Starting point is 01:44:32 It's crazy. Did you see that there was a – have you ever seen the show The Americans? No. About – it's like Russian spies who came over. Yes, I have seen that. Yeah. And there was a case like a couple months ago of they got caught, but they were two Russian parents. Their kids had no idea.
Starting point is 01:44:49 Family had no idea. Like the movie. Yeah. I mean, it was like, and they like, it was just like, yeah, well, you know, we've been spying for Mother Russia for like 40 years or whatever. And their kids were like, holy fucking shit. We don't even like have parents. It's crazy. Wow.
Starting point is 01:45:04 What? I was trying to think what movie. So the parents' accents are fake too, you find out, right? Yeah, the whole fucking thing was just like, and then you realize that you were born just to be like a cover. What do the spies do?
Starting point is 01:45:15 What do they work? I don't know. What do you even fucking spy on? What does a spy do? We work at the electrical plant. Like, all right. We stole his secrets. Secrets for what, man what man you have to because it probably hard to like work your way up to getting the secrets right
Starting point is 01:45:31 i would think i don't think they're just giving you the secrets you got to be a real asshole there was um like i was gonna as a person that's you know not russian like i don't know how i'd get secrets like i'd call my local senator hey yeah I can report back no we don't know anything either no one knows anything I that's a funny thought of like because everyone mails it in at their job or just fakes it you know if you're the spy you're like I gotta I gotta find the secret all right there's no other drawer I worked at that auto dealership for six If you're the spy, you're like, I got to find the secrets. Just go through drawers.
Starting point is 01:46:07 I worked at that auto dealership for six months. There's none there. There was a dude in the FBI who was... You got to keep telling your boss, like, oh, they're keeping them pretty tight. I am looking. That's the FBI guy who... He was the head of the task force to find the fbi mole and he was the mole just so fucking gangster so he was just running around being like i think it's i think it's samson no okay i think it's this guy it's that guy and like after like 25 years he got caught
Starting point is 01:46:37 it was like a classic it was like a robert durst jinx sort of thing where he like one little he like used a phrase in oh like a thing that he always says yeah it was it was very inglorious bastards where it was like that guy always says that and that was in the report and like bam you're done that's a nice move though yeah pulling that off forever just getting home i've always thought maybe it's because like i'm too susceptible to stress like i remember the movie it came became very clear to me was the Robert De Niro Madoff movie, where I'm like, dude, why would you want to live like this? Clearly a smart guy.
Starting point is 01:47:13 You did that pedophile sketch. What was the one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good. That was great. The Chris Hansen sketch. That was great. So good.
Starting point is 01:47:21 But why would you want to live in this fashion? You're a smart guy. Just make money the fucking regular way yeah those guys if you applied like half of your
Starting point is 01:47:30 scam abilities to just regular money making you'd probably live a good life but it's the people who want like billions instead of millions
Starting point is 01:47:36 I think it was they couldn't get in the game right and it's like probably easier to get in the scam game so it's like an easy in and then if you're smart enough you're probably supposed to from to get in the scam game. Yeah, right. So it's like an easy in. And then if you're smart enough, you're probably supposed to, from my opinion of the crime game, you've got to get out.
Starting point is 01:47:51 And then you realize, oh, you can't get out. You know? Right, right. You know too much. You have the secrets now. Yeah, you can't just leave. I think it's also like some people just have that part of your brain. I'm guessing neither three of us do.
Starting point is 01:48:02 We're like, you're a salesman, salesman, salesman, salesman. And you just have to sell anything yeah and like i remember i had a buddy who was like he would fucking haggle at like gap i'd be like dude you can't fucking the t-shirt is 24.99 that's it man but to be fair to him he went like he'd get stuff real and i'd be like dude how are you getting like i remember one time we were walking on Boylston Street in Boston, and I forget the name of the store, but it's this cool store. And he walked out with a Canada Goose jacket and a pair of, like, six sneakers.
Starting point is 01:48:34 And I was like, how'd you get that? And he's like, how much did you pay for that? He's like, about 150 bucks. And I was like, the Canada jacket's $600. He's like, you gotta ask him what's in the back, all that stuff. I'm like, that's, it's just too much work. But for him, it's like a sport. Yeah, right, right. yeah right right i'll go what is that here's the money for it i'm not i don't want to talk to you any longer than i have to right right yeah if you if you get satisfaction out of that you want to do it all the time that's like joe list joe list father
Starting point is 01:48:58 you've seen joe list um uh joe list has an unbelievable not yet we'll keep going oh gary gary beater sorry yeah yeah yeah he's doing his he was doing a series about yeah i mean it's Joe List has an unbelievable God kid Gary Beter He was doing a series about it It's unbelievable The guy just couldn't stop Scamming It was just in his blood If I can scam this guy
Starting point is 01:49:17 Gary was like We can go to the Knicks game We can just buy tickets There's some small time scams On one side of my family. Yeah. That's great. I think having a little bit of scamming is a good quality to have.
Starting point is 01:49:30 Yes. It's all, yeah, poor people, like trash scams. Like, you know, how to go on disability so you don't have to work for six months. When you're scamming the government and the man and stuff, it's like, yeah. They have my buddy who is on welfare. He has my favorite one where he used to get sunglasses because he was on welfare. And he goes, if you're on welfare, they'll give you free glasses. But he just has to go and pretend he has the lowest prescription.
Starting point is 01:49:57 So he gets all these free sunglasses. The only catch is they have a tiny prescription. He's like, I got all the sunglasses, bro. You don't even apply this to a tiny prescription. And he's like, I got all the sunglasses, bro. You know you need to apply this to a real job. You go wait in line at the welfare office for eight hours. That's a sickness, to be like,
Starting point is 01:50:13 I got to scam the glasses. Oh, yeah. Someone I know, he was on disability for 20 years and then he threw a retirement party. It was like, this guy hasn't worked. So what did he do all that?
Starting point is 01:50:24 And he was talking about it, being like, you know what I'm talking about? You don't retire that first, but then you figure it out. This guy has work so what did he do all that talking about it being like what do you literally do first but then you figure it out what do you literally do all day a scam i don't know you're still waiting online i think it's honest to god i think it's once you get into that game you'd be surprised at how people can fill the time you know two or three days is filled with sports that's full you know three right there you're like monday to wednesday or whatever it is you can easily fill three days with sports one day is like a task like you know what i mean i do feel good but i when i have one thing and i check it off my list
Starting point is 01:50:54 i'm like all right yeah you have to pick up your medicine like one one thing is a full day you throw it in the trash because you don't actually need it yeah and then you need a day off so then it's your day you know practice putting in the trash because you don't actually need it. Yeah, and then you need a day off. So then it's your day. Practice putting in the garage. Oh, man. Part of me wants, I think, again, even with Gary's dad, it was like there was something a little romantic and, not romantic, but like, you know, funny about it.
Starting point is 01:51:18 Sure. Like, you know, you're a slick talker, you know, silver tongue, and then it becomes horribly destructive and all that shit. Yeah, and also the other side of that, because I agree with you, there is something romantic about it when you think about it in the past. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:51:31 Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And you kind of picture like this is, you know, I could get into any club.
Starting point is 01:51:36 I could get, I could get, you know, then you look further into it and you're like, well, what their scam was is they just stole like a nine year old woman's pension. Right. Yeah. That's why I like it when it's, you know, well, what their scam was is they just stole like a 90-year-old woman's pension. Right. That's what's fucked.
Starting point is 01:51:46 Yeah. That's why like when it's, you know, who was it? Somebody recently. Oh, when Craig Carton, who was a radio guy here, he had some gambling debts and he needed to, he started forging checks or whatever to try to pay it back. And it was like he defrauded like the scummiest hedge fund sharks in the world, you know? And I was kind of like, I don't really care. So he was like a Robin Hood situation.
Starting point is 01:52:09 Yeah, I was like, it was not good. Don't condone it. It's like taking money from a loan shark. I'm not really going to worry about it. If you're going to be stealing from people, skim it from there. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. That's the same as when you're haggling and stealing from stores.
Starting point is 01:52:24 Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. You want to be the gap. You don't want to get the, the, the, the banana Republic or whatever. So,
Starting point is 01:52:30 uh, all right. So the special is out, right? Yeah. YouTube.com slash Ryan long comedy. Oh, you know,
Starting point is 01:52:35 I got a couple of dates. I'm actually, so I'm hitting the road, all new material. I've been starting. Um, and like I said, it's been going better than I thought.
Starting point is 01:52:43 I'm going to be in Saratoga, Philadelphia, Nashville, Chicago, Las Vegas, Minneapolis, Edmonton, then a bunch more, but RyanLongComedy.com. Edmonton, eh? Yeah, Edmonton's actually, Edmonton's like a fun comedy city. Is it? The Berta Boys? Berta Boys got a love bar as well.
Starting point is 01:52:59 Who is that? I don't know. Alberta. Oh, Berta Boys. Oh, yeah, but just, you know, dudes that just, dudes that just live half the year on a rig and then they finish their stint on a rig, come back with $100K, buy a $60K truck, spend the other $40K on strippers and coke, and then they're poor for the other three months of the year.
Starting point is 01:53:15 Love it. Tell us it's time to hit the rigs again. My kind of guys. Listen to Borzo the whole time they're doing it. That was the Battle Alberta last night, right? What was it? Battle Alberta was night, right? What was it? Battle Alberta was last night. What's Battle Alberta?
Starting point is 01:53:28 Oilers Flames. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't really watch any sports right now. We did actually watch the football game last night. What game was last night? Giant Cincinnati. It was gruesome. About as gruesome as the Mets game.
Starting point is 01:53:41 I hate to cut it short, but I got to go watch the Mets right now because I have a fucking day game in the middle of the fucking. Four o'clock. Two games today, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:50 They're playing the Yankees are the night game. Mets are the day game. So got to go. Four o'clock. C.S. It's crazy, dude. That's absolutely nuts. Last night was a fucking eight o'clock start.
Starting point is 01:54:01 Yeah. It's like it's all... Like April. You know what I mean? It's like a day game after a night game for the fucking championship series. That's the worst part
Starting point is 01:54:10 to be into is baseball from a time perspective. Oh, it's a nightmare, bro. It takes up months of my year. It really is. It's another kid. It really is.
Starting point is 01:54:20 I'm like literally trying to juggle the baseball schedule with my actual human kid's schedule. And it's like having a third kid. Yeah, the baseball schedule with my actual human kids schedule. And it's like having a third kid. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 01:54:28 It's like, well, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta watch this all the time. It's the worst one to pick to be into. I wish, I wish I didn't like any sports,
Starting point is 01:54:37 bro. This life chose me. I don't know, man. All right. We appreciate it, man. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 01:54:43 Thank you so much. And by the way, your comedy stuff you guys have been making, I think, is so funny, man. Those sketches are awesome. Unbelievable. Yeah. Unreal. You guys should do a skit together. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:54:53 I would totally be down. Oh, yes. Fuck yeah. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. you

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