KFC Radio - Ryan Phillippe, Putin's a Little Guy, and Is the Mandalorian Overhyped?

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Is the Mandalorian getting overhyped? -Dustin Johnson wins the Masters and Paulina Gretzky's tattoo -Vladimir Putin is actually 5'7" and "physically unremarkable" -Top 5's -Voicemails (01:17:00) Ryan Phillipe joins the show! We talk about One Minute Man, freestyle rapping on Sway in the Morning, his reaction to reading the Cruel Intentions script for the first time and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @RyanPhillippeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm a big boy. I'm an adult. I can jerk off whenever I want. I have candy in the freezer and I come whenever I want. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. And we got some important business to talk about. And I think people are not going to like it.

I think the word contrarian is going to be thrown around. But I think someone has to speak up for what's been going on right now in the world of television. I did a one-minute man on this. We talked about it. There are some moments of this show that are good and enjoyable. But we need to pump the brakes on the love for The Mandalorian. It's fine. It's perfectly fine.

I do watch it every week. Like, Friday mornings, I wake up, and I'm like, oh, shit, new episode of The Mandalorian. See, I'm hardcore anti. You're just kind of dipping your toe in the water. I haven't even started season two because I watched season one. It was fine. Yeah. I watch it because, you know, I don't have a show right now.

If I did have a show, I would easily and gladly put The Mandalorian to the back burner. I'll get to it when I get to it. I can't get my dick up for a procedural. Every episode is the same episode. It's just on a different planet. Right. I mean, literally every episode starts where they land on a planet. And maybe season two is different.

I don't know. But season one, this is what happened. They would land on a planet. Pedro Pascal would somehow forget he had this very incredibly important baby. The baby would get stolen. He'd have to rescue the baby. They'd run off the planet. Yeah.

It's the same episode every show. You can make the argument that he is, in fact, the worst babysitter of all time. This baby is constantly in peril. Like, dangerous, dangerous peril. This keeps leaving him on the fucking ship. Bro, take the baby with you. Spoiler alert, at one point in season two, it gets swallowed by a gigantic sea animal, like a giant whale.

I mean, you're a real bad babysitter if your baby gets swallowed by a fucking whale. And also, doesn't the baby commit genocide? Well, that's what I did the one-minute man on. I was several days late to that. I actually got to that a full – like a new episode had already come out. I thought that that take – I thought all those takes were a joke because it's that far-fetched. But – So what is it the eggs he's eating? So it's also in line with how much the Mandalorian kind of stinks.

The Mandalorian puts himself and the baby in like a insane amount of jeopardy for this frog lady to get back to her husband. Now, the frog lady has her eggs in a fucking like bucket in like this fancy space bucket thing. And she's like, I need to get back to my husband for him to fertilize it or it'll be the end of our bloodline. And in order to do that, he has to get – She wants her husband to come all over the eggs? I need to get my husband to bust a load in this box. All right. And it's –

It shows things. The end of its bloodline, and I think people took that to mean like the end of the species. I'm pretty sure it's just like her family. And in order to do that, in order to get back to this frog husband he he needs to like put himself in crazy danger like he risks himself and the baby's life they can't fly at warp speed they have to go to a dangerous planet and like in the process they almost get like eaten by a million fucking spiders and and and it just is i'm like fuck this frog lady who gives a fuck about this frog lady when you have like this this thing that you have deemed like as your calling your quest you're like okay we'll do a little pit stop along the way that

puts us in at death's door for this random frog lady i also have a problem in general with some of the stuff like the frog lady looks like it looks like this goofy like looks like bad like cgi or like a bad costume whatever i know it's kind of kind of like the you know star wars has some of that i think especially like from like the 70s when it was kind of like you know that's how these things looked but to me it looks like a little bit like goofy um but like the overall usually like there are shows kind of like the blacklist remember the blacklist i can get down with the blacklist because it's a procedural woman looks preposterous yeah it's like so stupid and she speaks in frog only so there's like this goof like this silly like language frog yeah it's like this show sucks the blacklist had the procedurals which were like fucking you know a new crazy

villain every time and the overarching storyline was really good and in-depth and intricate and like who is he who's ray reddington and right who's her dad all that shit this is just like he's trying to get the baby yeah i was looking at the point of the movie the show it's like he's just so now in season two he's searching stop for more mandalorians because he's searching for more mandalorians who i guess can give him information on the Jedi to get Yoda to the Jedi's. That's really it.

And along the way, like they encountered danger and they overcome it and they just rinse, wash, wash, rinse, repeat every time. And I get if you are a Star Wars fanatic, there's like the Darksaber makes an appearance and I think some other names pop up. The what? Darksaber? It's like the lightsaber that Gus Fring has. It's like the black. It's the last scene of season one. He cuts himself out of that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a part of Star Wars folklore and canon and all that. If you're really into that and these things pop up, I can understand it. But from a casual fan point of view, I'm point of view this is like a sci-fi like the Bill Burr episode was really good because I like Bill Burr and there was like a couple moments here and there that were cool

the fighting is always pretty cool because he's like a badass and then otherwise it's like you know he's saving like another village and another race and another person I don't know or care about and I don't know why he keeps doing it I guess that's the way this is the way we have to like, you know, they get quested with these jobs to save people

and shit. But it's also just like, okay. Right. And I mean, and I know like Bob Fox and Jeff Lowe and I know these guys love Star Wars, but every time they're like, wow! Blown away by another episode. I'm like, were you? Because it was the same as last week.

It's a half hour okay show. Is it a half hour? Yeah. No, that's an hour, right? No, it's half. It's a half? Yeah. It's a half hour. It's a 30 minute decent show. Are you sure about that? 100% positive. I mean, season one I haven't watched season two, but season one was definitely a half hour. I mean, that's just like, okay.

It's fine. It's fine. Just relax. Everybody fucking relax. You know? Now yell. We started with this. It's fine. Just relax. Everybody fucking relax. You know? Now yell. We started with this. Yeah? Yeah. Coming hot, right? I like how...

We gotta get on the fucking... I'll be honest. People are not gonna like this. They are gonna hate us. But we're correct. This is akin to, like, hating dogs. Yeah. Speaking.

And it's... I mean, dare you take it a step further and say that Baby Yoda is just meh? Or do you like Baby Yoda? No, I like Baby Yoda. I like Baby Yoda. I fuck with Baby Yoda. But the show itself is okay. I was like, I kind of want, I wish I had that take.

I wish I didn't. I wish I thought Baby Yoda. It would be disingenuous because I'm being genuine about the show. The show is fine. But I do find Baby Yoda very interesting. It does bother me that Baby Yoda is just like, well, why don't we try to use those powers a little more, bud? We're about to die yet again.

Maybe do that fucking crazy shit, you know? Uh, and some of the guest stars are cool. You know, it's all, it's just fun. Who are the guest stars this season? Timothy,

all the fans in it, in one episode. It's very cool. He's, he's, he's very cool in it. They are like a cool duo. They should get like,

they should, he should be in the show. It should just be like the Mandalorian and also this other guy. His name is, um, Cobb something, Cobb, Cobb Vance or something.

It's like, that's a badass name. So, you know, go ahead. Hate away. But deep down, they know. You know. They absolutely know. You can't possibly think it's unbelievable. If I put a gun to Bob Fox's head and I was like,

tell me, you know, which Star Wars thing I've got to watch. This movie, this series, this episode. Gotta be, you know, give wars thing i've got to watch this movie this series this episode gotta be you know give me your top whatever like he's not gonna put the middle that's up there oh you're not and you better not unless you just tell him yeah it's like a cool week-to-week thing but it's not up there with you know the all-time great stuff of star wars and this all goes into my bigger take that they have taken an iconic story, and they've watered it down like a motherfucker. Right.

But they've also just made a ton of money. Sure. But as far as when you want to put it up there with the other epics, the other Lord of the Rings and other trilogies and series and whatnot, Game of Thrones, they bombed. But up until one point, it was like the greatest. Six of the nine movies, three of them are bad. Game of Thrones kind of, you know, they bombed, but up until one point it was like the greatest. You know, six of the nine movies, three of them are like bad, three of them are okay.

The spin-offs are like alright. I feel like Nick is really biting his tongue over here. No, I'm not. I actually agree with you about The Mandalorian. It hasn't really been doing it for me, and like, I do know a decent amount of like, the little Easter eggs, them bringing in all these characters and I'm

like feels like you're just relying on that yes we get it Ahsoka Tan is gonna be in it that's awesome like she was in she was the main character in Clone Wars and shit yeah people are very excited for that but like she's not gonna be in next episode was that who Jeff was talking about yeah yeah that's what Jeff D. Lowe

said like so when can I talk about Redacted making an appearance and i was like okay this is probably some heavy star warship because i watched that episode and i didn't even know what was going on it's gonna be rosario dawson too probably she's been oddly quiet i'm back in a second she's been very quiet about it and everyone's been like she'd be the perfect casting and like she just hasn't like she hasn't really tweeted or anything about it like she would have denied it if it wasn't her. So I think she's showing up at the end of the day.

I mean, I'm a big Rosario Dawson fan. Huge. She could certainly be on my screen whenever she wants. Here was my idea to – this is what I texted Bob Fox. I said, here's my idea. We're in the seventh season of The Mandalorian, okay? We're playing this out. We're deep into the future, right? It's the seventh season of the Mandalorian we're playing this out, deep into the future

the final season, maybe even the final episode and Baby Yoda turns heel and just slaughters the Mandalorian just cuts his head clean off his body and it rolls down the steps and the helmet comes off I guess they already did the reveal of Pedro Pascal

but in the end it's just Pedro's head and Baby Yoda's just like thanks for the fucking ride bitch and he just turned we don't know you know there's a good yoda apparently there's also a fucking bad yoda and he just pow pops your head that then i can get down with it give me something like that i need a little something the reason that people got mad was because baby yoda was eating eggs the frog eggs and people were like this i could not believe this one was real they were like this is like mocking fertility issues and

and miscarriages and fights against uh you know come on i was like folks do you eat eggs do you eat eggs it's an unfertilized egg do you eat eggs every morning do you Are you thinking about killing a chicken's family? Come on. Relax. Fucking relax. Also, when you're having sex, you gotta try to relax. Make sure your dick stays hard. You know, the pressure's on you. It's just not fair. It's really not fair. I'm willing to say,

you know, no, I'm not willing to say what I was about to say. I'm willing to say, I'll tone, I'm willing to say a second version. I'm not even willing to say a second version. All I know is that girls don't have to worry about anything when it comes to sex. Girls don't have to worry about being good. They can be like, I'm worried about really putting in a good performance. They don't ever have to worry about it just not happening.

It's always on for them uh and for guys we gotta think and not stress and get it up and then keep it up and do this and do that it's a whole thing and and really you and your child birth you know try fucking getting your dick up after a few drinks when you're nervous and you're playing above your league and all that, that it takes a goddamn takes a baby Yoda amount of like telepathy to make my dick get hard, okay? And then when I'm in there to try to keep it, it's like this thing of yours, this honeypot on your body is

designed to get my cum as fast as it possibly can. As fast as it possibly can. To steal my seed. It really is. Biologically, it's like, we've got it. Now trap it and milk it as fast as possible. Because what if it doesn't come back in?

What if he pulls it out and it doesn't come back? You've got to keep that thing in there. And like a tractor beam just suck the cum out. And so how am I supposed to last with that fucking going on, huh? How am I supposed to chip with that going on doug so that's where roman comes in because for years we've just been you know losing the battle our dicks have our dicks have just been getting their asses kicked by pussies forever and then roman comes in with the roman swipes that helps your dick stay up uh you can still feel it and enjoy

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Today we got Ryan Filipe on the show. He's a guy. I think you can just say his name however you want. He's not even going to stop you. Yeah, you probably know. He's just used to it. It's like my name. Yeah, you just like call me whatever you want.

He is awesome. Very cool. He's a really cool cat, and I hope to have him back on. Honestly, quite frequently. He's going really cool cat. And I hope to have him back on, uh, honestly, quite frequently. Yeah. He's, he's, he's going to Tim Dillon's friends giving. So we're going to have to get an update on that, but just a real cool dude. We talked about how weird cruel intentions was talking about his new project. We talked about, uh, I went back and I, uh, he mentioned how he, he freestyled on sway in the morning. And I went back and listened, like he

did like a true real freestyle. Yeah. It was good. I mean, it I went back and listened. He did a true, real freestyle. Really? Yeah. Was it good? It was good. It's a true freestyle. I almost appreciate when it's not perfect because that means you're freestyling. You know what I mean? It's very hard to do when you're not a rapper and you're on Sway in the Morning and you just freestyle. That was also the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. Yeah.

I don't want to spoil it but but feidelberg has his own sway story and ryan was ryan it was just incredibly mean ryan was just trying to trying to come up with like you know how he could contribute to the story he was trying to be nice he's accurate by the way it was incredibly mean exactly that's probably what happened okay so um you know the truth yeah yeah no the truth very very funny moment with him he's on the show of course we'll get to our voicemails all right so we'll get to our top fives in a minute uh but first uh we got to talk about dustin johnson winning the masters and and all that comes along with dj because he is interesting cat. It's brought to you by Proactiv, the number one acne brand in America for adults 18 to 34.

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and then it becomes a mask and you like pull it off and it's like ripping out all the blackheads and shit there's no fucking way it works but it looks like one of the i get down with the masks and all that shit you know i want to if i could i would like rip the whole top layer of my skin i love that kind of shit but it doesn't work those things are all fugazi so go to proact.com slash kfc radio um dustin johnson wins the masters in what i said to casey on day one i think out of all sporting events this one hurt them got hurt the most by by covid but maybe maybe that's just because i didn't really watch it all but i feel like usually to me it's kind of in the middle of or at the end of uh march madness and it does the whole thing where it's kind of in the middle of or at the end of March Madness.

And it does the whole thing where it's like signaling spring is here. And there's a whole vibe to it. And there's just none of that. And it was like dreary and cold here at home in New York. So maybe if the weather was different, maybe I don't know. But it was like nice down there, shitty up here. Then they had the weather delay, which that's not COVID. But it just, to me, did not have the Masters vibe at at all i i was gonna disagree with you but i also i agree

very strongly yeah and like everything everybody else kind of you know they had their also like i mean i like golf football's better that's the other thing you're going up against college and nfl football i don't know like i you know I'd rather watch football. Right. Usually it's what? The Sunday? It's the weekend of the Final Four or the championship? I forget. It's either right after the tournament, but even if it's not, it's like Monday is the national championship, so Sunday would be clear.

Right. So either way, you're really never going up against anything major. And it's like, yeah. I would love to see the ratings, because I bet you they're very down. I would guess Thursday, Friday went okay, because everyone's still working from home. Yeah, but Saturday, Sunday, man. I would love to see the ratings because I bet you they're very down. I would guess Thursday, Friday went okay because everyone's still working from home. Yeah, but Saturday, Sunday, man. You're watching football. That's it.

You're done. But whatever. It doesn't matter to DJ. He gets that green jacket. And I just have to imagine that the green jacket and the purse and the prestige all comes second to what paulina did to him that night and i sir am only slightly joking because i think i bet they fuck like animals on the regular but i bet the like i bet she wore the you think so you do i think i just i just think people get they get a good reputation just because they're pretty.

They're both good-looking people. Do you think they... I mean, there was all that drug talk for a little while, and that picture with her pussy wide open. Remember that one? No. Well, she's got jean shorts on, but she's... You know it.

If I pull it up, she's like sitting... Why don't you go ahead and pull it up? Yeah, I'll pull that up. I'll pull that up. I mean, I don't even know. I'll do Paulina. Let's say jean shorts. Let's say wide open.

DJ does have one of the best excuses of all time. What tournament was he in where he bailed out because he fell down the stairs? Yeah. That was funny. Which is just not a thing that happens to people. Like, no one falls down the stairs when you're an adult. No. Unless you're, like, blacked out.

Unless you're fucked up. So, like, that was possible, but you're not getting the full picture. I'm just going to do a quote. Did she go by Gretzky still, or is it Johnson, or what? She's definitely by Gretzky. I have a take

on her. Come on. That was what? Three years ago? I guess it's nice to come back from that, actually. I'll win it this time, but... Just so you know, I was drunk as shit last time I was in Augusta.

Yeah. I mean, I can't believe I can't find this picture. But there's always, like, the party pictures of her, and... She has done a fantastic job by the way of kind of hiding the fact that she got no butt yeah no butt she does a lot of great instagram shots she's i mean very sexy but she's got flat booty and hides it well but i feel like they get

down i would maybe kind of like accept that that they've just been together for a long time now and perhaps everybody just kind of loses that. But I feel like the green jacket was in play last night. He's wearing it or she's wearing it, and I feel like they had themselves quite the time that, you know, when you have a memorable night like that, this one. Whoa, my mom. I mean, that's, you know. i forgot i i know that picture yeah i forgot about that picture this this was that was the peak that was the peak of

like oh poor wayne gretzky i mean gretzky can't be happy about this one uh but when you have a moment like that a night like that in the bedroom, that shit sticks with you. Those are memorable. Those are like, yeah, yeah, that time I won the Masters was incredible. And that moment I had with my dad on the golf course when I was 15, I'll never forget. And also that one night where I went full porn star. That shit, that stays with you.

You take that to the grave. And I'd imagine with DJ and Paulina, they both give each other those nights pretty frequently, but I'd imagine the post-master's sex has got to be way up there. Yeah, I think so. But I think also no matter how many times we're having this incredible sex, the green jackets, whatever you have on, I'd still see that 99 on our hooch, and I'd be like, why'd you do that?

It's one of the most inexplicable moves that a human has ever pulled. No sense. Paulina Gretzky getting her dad, Wayne, getting his number tattooed directly above her pussy. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, I'm not joking. It's inexplic pussy. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, I'm not joking. It's inexplicable. It is. Like, when she got that done, she didn't have a single friend.

She had to have had a friend who was like, what? And then I would love to have heard what she said. Like, no, no, no. I'm doing it because. Because what? I want to hear her explanation. I want to interview her and say, why did you get 99 tattooed above your pussy? It's particularly offensive to me because I wore the Wayne Gretzky sneakers as a kid.

And I just remember that. Had the 99. Exactly. It's the same font. It's the same thing. Right on the heel, is it? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I would argue that getting that tattoo anywhere is, I mean, I guess not. You know, it's your father. But, like, if you have that on her back or her ankle or some other spot, like a girl gets it. There's no good place to get it. No. There are less bad places, but there's no good place. Maybe Wayne made her. That sounds like the ultimate, like, I'm sitting at home with a shotgun.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm going to, like, strike fear into all your boyfriends because the last thing they see before they go down on you before they enter is me. Oh my god. It's crazy, right? It's so fucking bizarre. I don't get it at all. What do you think would be weirder?

What's weirder? If a son got it or a daughter got it? What if there was a Gretzky son who had 99 tattooed above his dick? I think that'd be funny. It'd be funny? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, double standards exist. I think that's like I could play that off be funny. It'd be funny? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, double standards exist. I think that's like, I could play that off. You know what? You know what we should do this summer? Get like those henna tattoos

and get the Pauline Nagretsky. Right above our cock and balls. The 99. The great one. This summer. By the way, it's November. I know.

We got a long way to go. I just, you know, that's got to be a conversation at some point, right? Yeah. Like, that's not, It's November. We've got a long way to go. That's got to be a conversation at some point, right? Yeah. Maybe the first time you just look past it. Once you're together, once Dustin Johnson was like, okay, we're dating. I feel like he had to be like, let's talk about it.

It's time to have the conversation. I wasn't even thinking with DJ. I was thinking with her dad. Yeah. Hey, what's that all about? Why'd you do that yeah unless i'm like i'm telling you he made her my i think my theory that wayne gretzky made her get that tattoo might be more plausible than her wanting to do it because it might just it might just be a guy's way of like imposing his will and just being like i am i am going to intimidate from a distance as the great one you know it's like you know like when once once he saw what paulina was growing up to be like well

we gotta do something here we gotta do something to control this it's all about you know your your persona uh and i i think after reading the news today this, I feel like nobody has spun a better persona and a better, like, mythical existence than Vladimir Putin. He is, in my mind, he is this imposing. This is a stunning revelation. Yeah, in my mind, Vladimir Putin is this imposing, terrifying force. I mean, I see the pictures with, like, the bear, and I see the pictures on the horse, and I think of him as this big Russian, I think of him as a Russian bear. Come to learn this weekend in an article about Barack Obama that Vladimir Putin is 5'7", a buck 65.

I think I was in fourth grade when I was that size. That's like Vibs. Is it? Vibs is probably about 5'7". I'm going to text Vibs right now, height and weight. That's Vibs. That's Hubs. He was also like, what did Obama describe him as, which is also such a mean thing?

He said like physically not imposing at all. Physically unremarkable or something like that. What is your... Physically unremarkable is so fucking mean. Because, I mean... 5'6", 157. Not 165. 157. That's... Zaza

bucks 65! Zaza midget! I used to be scared of Vladimir Putin, and I will say right now, into camera, Vladimir Putin, I'll fucking kill you. You would run his shit. I will kill you, Vladimir Putin. Destroy. KGB-ass bitch.

Yeah, like, listen, I might run into some problems with your hooligans, but you, one-on-one, you would one-punch him. You would put him on his back. But he would still beat me up. But you, you would fuck him up. Like I will say into camera. Which one? Vladimir, you could beat me up, but not my buddy. Okay.

I just don't understand how he even had this lore. And honestly, it actually started to change when he played hockey and it was like oh yeah you stink yeah you're not an impression of person that's like uh that was a big mistake that was like when you can't even skate and you're supposed to be a Russian king don't think can't do it don't think can't do it uh when when when Dave was saying like he would never pick up the ball on a on a speed toss you know when when that was going on White Sox Dave and the Rocket he was like just I would never even put myself in that position like you just don't do it and you can always rely on like no no i'm really great but i'm not gonna stoop to that level putin could have been like i'm the

greatest hockey player you've ever seen just don't just never prove it you know never never give them the evidence he was the contrary he's bad yeah he's really bad well it's you know it's probably because he's wearing like skates that are too big for him and pads that don't fit him because he's a child he probably had adult adult size gear on and he's a child i that are too big for him and pads that don't fit him because he's a child. He probably had adult-sized gear on, and he's a child. I mean, that is the number one. And you know what? Maybe it actually makes him more dangerous because now he's like a Napoleon Complex bad guy

who's like, I'll fucking feed him to the dogs, electrocute him, chop his head off, whatever they do. But one-on-one, we said that so many times about the celebrities. Like, I cannot believe that if DMX and Eminem walked in here and I took a picture with them, I'd be like, my arms would be, I'd be head and shoulders above them. I'd be like, these are my two little friends. And that's like the two scariest guys. Wait, how big is DMX? They're both like 5'8".

Really? Yeah. I think DMX would be like 5'9". I think Eminem's like 5'8". Oh, my goodness. I think Leo's pretty short. I short i think like there's very few we've talked about like uh i mean we know joel mckayle is a fucking giant uh i think brad pitt is a solid like 5 11 yeah six like so you know there's a couple out there but you know for the most part a lot of your your most like intimidating characters

in a good way are are small and in this case case, you know, an actual, like, a bad guy that you're intimidated by. I mean, Putin couldn't even get pussy on Tinder. Putin couldn't get a first date on Hinge, motherfucker. Putin wouldn't even get a look at the bar. Putin would get a fake number from a chick being like, oh, get this short, get shorty away from me. 157. Bro, hit puberty, then come talk to me.

Okay, first of all, this is shocking for two reasons. First of all, Vibs is 5'9", so he's got several inches on Vladimir. But Jeffrey Vibbert is 135 pounds. What? Vibs is a buck thirty? A buck 35. That's literally in your bra. That is... All right, so I was kidding a little bit with Putin,

but this one, like, I don't think I was in middle school yet. For 135? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 135 was, like, fourth grade. That's crazy. That doesn't make any sense but but but height wise you know towering over over vladimir putin absolutely stunning so yeah vladimir you by the way

is uh what is he what is he is he the president uh yes but and but But he's just going to be until he dies. No, he's actually going to retire soon. But it's under his own accord? Yes. Yeah, he can't be forced out, right? He's going to retire once he passes a law that, you know, this is just a coincidence. All former presidents of Russia can't be convicted of crime. Working on some things before.

I got to pass a couple bills before I'm out of here. That's hilarious yeah if you were i feel like he i feel like he might turn up dead when he when he retires you think so i could just see like yeah people being like okay it's time yeah someone's gonna be when yo when he's done when he's talked all that shit he doesn't have like kgb bodyguards anymore i mean he'll probably always have them but when he doesn't have the protection of the state i feel like some shit could go down. I feel like, you know, he might be... I can see him, you know,

ended up, like, dead in a bear's mouth. Like, oh, it was a bear accident. You know, he was hunting in the woods. I think we should just kill him. I think we should just go do it. We can say that, right?

I was listening to... Probably not. Probably not. I mean, you can if you want. I don't think it's a good idea. I think we should go kill him. I was listening to Dave Smith not. I mean, you can if you want. I don't think it's a good idea. I think we should go kill him. I was listening to Dave Smith from Legion of Skanks on Rogan, and he was saying he thinks that Donald Trump might get, like,

the full Alex Jones treatment once he's out of office. He might just, like, be deplatformed everywhere, and they might just, like, cut him. Imagine that if you just, like, you can't hear from him anymore. I don't know if he's done enough. I guess it depends on how crazy he starts spitting. Because Alex Jones was like, all right, we need to stop this man. Because he's like, it's dangerous.

Frogs are, what is it? Frogs are gay. Turning the frogs gay. Yeah, the pesticides. When he said that Hillary Clinton smells like garlic because she's marked by the sign of the beast. But he would go crazy if he got like – imagine him and Vladimir out of office and just two fucking lonely dudes just being like, ah, Donald, we had it all. He's like, shut up, you little bitch. Yeah, Trump's a big motherfucker.

Yeah, Trump versus Putin in an octagon. That'd be a show. One of them would end up dead. I'd watch the fuck out of that, man. Hell yeah. All right, top fives today. They're brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Cuts Clothing, you crazy bastards.

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Why not? But, yeah, this is like a solid gift. You know, it's very hard to buy clothes for guys a lot of times, you know? Not this. It's like you know the guys are going to want. Buy what Kevin's wearing. Yeah, this is really nice. Honestly, you look very sharp to buy clothes for guys a lot of times you know not this like you know the guys are gonna want buy what kevin's wearing yeah this is really honestly you look very sharp it's a good hood it's it's got um it's got real pockets not like a full pouch it's got like actual pockets on each side so because sometimes you put stuff in the pouch i feel like it's gonna like fall out there's like real pockets it's also got the little extra pocket inside the pocket

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because they're going to like it and look good. Top five best... Top five best sex you're going to have after winning some sort of achievement. What is the most iconic trophies.

Okay. That leads to. Okay. But I don't know. I don't think it necessarily has to be just the trophy. I think it can be like winning. Well, see, my answer is I'm not having sex. The night I win a trophy.

It's like your wedding night. You want to ball out and party. Fuck off. You want this dick? Maybe tomorrow. Hey, but tonight I'm drinking. Maybe I'll be even too hungover tomorrow. So maybe the next day, you know?

Okay, so let's get into it. I mean, this all stems from DJ winning with Paulina. So, you know, you can think about golf. You can think about the major sports. But I think you can also go, you know, off the grid here, outside the box. There's all sorts of things you can win about golf. You can think about the major sports. But I think you can also go off the grid here, outside the box. There's all sorts of things you can win and achieve and put it on your resume. So what do you got? I mean, fuck.

We'll go Cup. We'll go Cup 1. But after this, we might get weird. You're going Stanley Cup? Yeah. Now, I think that one is because of the Cup, actually. I think that's the one. Everybody knows the Stanley Cup is the iconic trophy.

And I think the night that you have with the cup is like, that's the night. I know you say you want to party with the cup, of course. But I also think fucking with the cup would be cool. A threesome with you and the cup. Wasn't Ovechkin in bed with like the cup and his wife and shit yeah

and they got kinky with it that night wasn't there something like weird in the cup it was like hot dogs or something like that wasn't there like food in the cup with his girl

I don't recall that there was something funny I thought in the cup with the girl but it's not hot dogs alright so cup number one yes

aren't we gonna go I can't wait to get my second answer yeah you're going outside the box now yeah All right, so cup number one. Yes. I'm going to go. I can't wait to get my second answer. Yeah, you're going outside the box now? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go with, I think, and this is a little off-brand for me, and maybe it's just because it's on the top of mind, but I think the Masters jacket in the golf realm, it's cool because it's just you.

An individual achievement like that, all these other trophies are going to be cool, and you can certainly be the man on the team, or maybe you're the MVP, and we'll get into those. But it's just you. Nobody else. You did that shit solo dolo. You beat the course. You beat the competition. You did it all for dolo. You beat the course. You beat the competition. You did it all for four days.

You can't take it, right? Don't you have to leave it there? You don't need the jacket there. Really? I think so. You don't take it home with you? I think you have to leave it at the club. I could be wrong. I'm not 100% positive, but I'm pretty sure because I think, who's that fucking asshole?

Bubba Watson. Bubba Watson took his to New York. And I remember it was a thing. All right, well, then I would just get a replacement jacket and wear that around. But people know you earned it. But yeah, the green jacket. But just winning the Masters in general, I feel like, is just because it's only you. Good.

Let's go. Cooper's Hill cheese rolling in wait. You come home with that big fucking wheel, baby. I did it. And honestly, in that town, that plays. That's a big fucking deal, man. Yo, people die doing it. No one dies winning the Masters. No.

People die chasing Gs. What a ridiculous way to go. You've got to be a colossal asshole to die in the Gs rolling competition. No one dies winning the Stanley Cup. No one dies doing any of that. People die doing this. I risked my life for this, babe. I am the man.

I'm the man right now. I'm going to go with Texas High high school football championship that's a good one yep i'm having some 18 year old sex maybe even like 15 year old sex who knows man uh but yeah i'm gonna i want i need to be the quarterback or like the man uh and i'm winning me a texas high school championship uh i wish i was more outside the box with this one, but World Cup. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

I mean, World Cup, you have it. Remember that fucking German dude? Just had a hard dick for like a week? That girl was so hot. No, no, you know what I'm thinking of? Remember the girl who was on TV and it turned out to be one... Oh, I think it was the same girl.

Remember, it was a German girl. She was on TV one time and she was just like the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And then, of course, it was like the girlfriend of one of the guys And I think it might have ended up being that guy What's his name? I'm just going to search German Hard Dick

That's so funny His boner is about to rip Through that Speedo I mean it is, that Speedo is begging for mercy That Dick The Dick was like please just take me out And the Speedo was like please just take him out Just searching German Hard Dick dick that the dick was like please just take me out and the speedo was like please just take him out what you did just searching german hard dick it's not i should probably add soccer you should

probably put world cup in there you asshole i mean the last thing you want to see when you my limit by the way is is german porn it's it's tough german goo girls you ever watch the ggg heavens to betsy i have no you don't know what I'm talking about? No. Bro, German goo girls. GGG porn. It is horrific. There he is.

It is catastrophic porn. That dick is so fucking funny, man. So goddamn funny. Also, that chick, I mean, that's one of my favorite stories of ours when we were in la and that girl was just covered in bruises and she's like yeah i've been filming porn in germany yeah was it germany yeah yeah yeah it makes sense let's see um i'm gonna just gonna do german girl world cup and see if she pops up because there was one chick who was just so beautiful there's so many like hot chicks in the

crowd had uh at the world cup that yeah this is i mean this is like a needle in a haystack me looking for this one specific girl but um yeah that world cup championship is we talked about it with troops on friday night pints i mean soccer players they they do what they want with who they want however whenever they want and nobody fucking cares walking around with a boner at the pool his explanation of it was so like understanding when I was like why aren't we that way I know why do we get shamed and wanted to release statements and get released

and all this stuff it's like yeah we just assume that's what's going to happen if you make 150 grand a year a week a week a week when you're a teenager a damn teenager I am going to go with an Oscar winning best actor. Best actor. I never even thought about that trophy.

I would probably fuck you with that trophy. That, I think the night, especially, man, imagine like Leo the night he won. Again, maybe sex, maybe not. Probably with Leo, probably sex. But like when you've had like a lifelong chase and you fucking get it finally. Either that or he was like, fuck you guys. It took this long. He was spiteful about it.

Remember that moment he had where he was at the engraving station? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, so that's how this works. I've never been here. I wouldn't know. So I think, yeah, you win the Oscar the night of. You are a big man on campus. A VMA in 1996.

Oh! A moon man. Back in the day for like Best Kiss in a movie or some shit. Oh, fuck. That one, like, I forget what award show it was, but where Flea from Red Hot hot chili peppers climbed up on like, I want to win a VMA that night. Yeah.

Those are the nights. We'll have a party. Yeah. Those are awesome, man. Bring that back. By the way, Dave talked about bringing back rock and jock on the rundown the other

day. It's something I've been saying for years. Barstool sports should be the guys to bring back rock and jock. And he mentioned possibly doing it. It wouldn't, it, I can't do it. And he needs to be the one like bring back rock and jock. And he mentioned possibly doing it. It wouldn't, it, I can't do it. And he needs to be the one like the,

who initiates it. Cause nobody listens to me. But if he were to do it, I mean, we could, we could gather up like so many of the stars, like that's, I mean,

entertainers and athletes are like what drives rock and jock. And we'll do, we'll do, we'll add some new shit, but like the peach baskets and then 25 points, 50 points, the 10 point spots,

we'll get some, we'll get Dan Cortez and Bill Bellamy back in the mix we'll do some old school mix it with some new school be fucking incredible although i did say to him like those things often just don't really work and i don't know why like when american gladiators came back i was like so excited and then i watched it and i was like maybe i need to be like nine years old yeah a lot of maybe i need to but i think if the if the new version of it like we made it a little more like all right like a 30 year old would enjoy this for whatever reason we add something to it so you don't have to be like a high school kid watching mtv but the vma is my point also being

if you could like recreate the the importance and the vibe of the vmas back in the day those were like more important than anything and it was i want a grammy whatever but i won vma for like best album it was up until fairly recently like we used to live tweet it yeah i mean early beginning of barstool like vmas were and then and then actually they just put them together right they put like the music they used to have the movie awards and then the music awards and then they just put it all together oh i think so and i think that was kind of like the beginning of the end um i bet philippe has got a fucking vma on for like best kiss or some shit like that. Or one of those weird things. And Cruel Intentions, no doubt.

Scripps Spelling Bee. It's a good one. Being like some Indian kid getting my first hand job. Because I spelled anti-disestablishmentarianism in the last round of the Spelling Bee. Those kids. The difference. I'll tell you what. The difference in your life between being like the Indian kid who won it and the difference, I'll tell you what, the difference in your life between

being the Indian kid who won it and the Indian kid who didn't. You go home and your parents disown you and they hate you and now you're just the kid who has no life and can spell really good. And the other guy who wins, he walks out of there being like, a champion!

A champ! And he's got all the confidence in the world and is ready to like, you know, go be like working a hedge fund and make millions of dollars a year or something. And then there's some other kids who like probably commit suicide because they lost in the final round

of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Who wants to be a millionaire? A very exclusive club. How many people have won that? I bet you like less than like 10. I bet you more people have walked on the moon than won the million. You think? I don't think that many people have won it. I bet you less than 10. I bet you more people have walked on the moon than won the million. I don't think that many people have won it.

Have they? I'm going to be upset if there's 50 people. I guess it has been running for years and years and years. 12. I think that's the same number of people on the moon. I think 12 people have walked on the moon. Wait. I have a different answer.

I have five. I would believe five over 12, but either way, I'm going to Google it too. I also have six. Over the course of the program's broadcast history, there have been six legitimate winners who received the top prize of a million dollars out of seven

recorded millionaires. Mine's 13, and then 12 out of the 13 have answered the final question correctly i don't know what oh maybe it's a million maybe is is different um but yeah i think six is probably the real one because that is super hard yeah i come home i don't even want the money i just want the title right right right yeah yeah i just want to be the guy i want the money. I just want the title. You can keep the million bucks. I just want to be the guy. I want the fucking confetti.

I wish it was with Regis too. I don't want this fucking Meredith Vieira shit. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel, fuck off. I actually just switched mine. My honorable mention is a real one. Winning the Indy 500. That's Formula 1, right? Indy 500 is the worst day of my Ooh. The F1.

That's Formula 1, right? Indy 500 is the worst day of my life. No, wait. No. No. What's it called? Yeah, not that one. The Formula 1, that's the big one.

Like what Mario Andretti wins. Oh. Indy 500. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought Indy 500... Indy 500's different. NASCAR. No, Indy 500 is...

Yeah. Is fucking... Formula 1? The Vimini is... I don't know how that's a description. The Vimini! It's the F1 cars? It's not F1.

It's similar cars, but it's... I saw Rush. I should know this. I want one that's like in the French Riviera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be...

What's that guy's name? Michael Schumacher and all that. that pouring the milk on those hot chicks like whatever that one is that's my honorable mention but my real pick my number five pick it's one we've talked about on this show in the early days the aggro crag oh right i want to be i want to be brian beer the second being an aggro crag winner because that changes the course of your life forever. Brian Beer, I mean, he was a different human from that point on in his life. And that played for a generation. That's one thing that the youngins, the youths, do you know what that is?

You know what I'm talking about? This. Yeah. Yeah, you would never know. That's dead now. That's gone forever but you know if you're like late 20s 30s you talk about global guts and you have a piece of the crag i i almost once bought it on ebay but i was like you can't like

i would never try to pass it off right yeah i got a piece, like hang it on the wall here, you know? But it's like, no, no, no, man. You gotta like... You gotta win it. Yeah. So yeah, the crag. So top five. Top five competition you'd like to win. I'll be honest, we got some good answers. Yeah. That went from like... I was

envisioning like the World Series. I want to win the Super Bowl. It is funny that the Super Bowl was not mentioned. Pat Mahomes, you can can keep that i'm gonna chase that big wheel of cheese bro all right let's do our voicemails it's brought to you by calm for business calm is an app i have on my phone that i listen to quite frequently to go to bed i listen to a story i listen to killian murphy tell me a story the other night i listen to matthew mcconaughey tell me a story i listen to um this sounds amazing yeah they do these things like they play like a little bit of noise in the background like the one i listened to i think was on a train it was like you're on a um oh i think you told me i was on

the killian one yeah that's all these like, noises in the background, like the fucking water rushing and stuff. A Walk in the Connecticut Woods with Alan Sklar. LeBron's on here. Fuck off, LeBron. I can't find it right now because it's not the nighttime. I think it knows when it's nighttime. But, yeah, it just tells you these stories that are just kind of like, good evening, I'm going to tell you a tale now and make you relax.

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And it's a free month of unlimited access when you go to com.com slash KFC. Voicemails, let's get it. What's up, KFC? What's up, Kevin's Fights? Whatever producer's in the studio right now. He's like, what's up, KFC? Yeah, an embrace the's Fights? Whatever producer's in the studio right now. What's up, KFC? Kevin? A couple buddies and I are in college here, all live together in a house. We came up with this. Someone came up with this stupid question the other day.

What is the average number of fingers that people have in this world? Now, I said 9.8, right? Because some people lost hands, some people lost arms, some people lost a finger or two. Some people were born with like an extra finger or two, right? So it's got to be like high nines. And I thought 9.8 was even low. Like I thought I should go with 9.9. Some of these guys just said like eight.

Eight is the average number of fingers. Like you just cannot be correct. What do you guys think? What's the average number of fingers on a person in this world? I think it's like 9.9. Yeah. I think it's like 9.9999. Yeah. Yeah. i mean is there a way like how many people are born with less than 10 like how much of an anomaly is that that's got to be like a freakish anomaly yeah uh i feel like you know. Honestly, I think the average number is 10. Yeah, I mean.

I think it's 10. I mean, I guess it can't be 10 because like. People have extra fingers? One in 500 to 1,000 infants are affected. No, wait, that's an extra digit. That's motherfuckers with 12 fingers. How about this kid? Baby born with 34 fingers and toes.

That sucks. Seven fingers on each hand, 10 toes on each foot. 10 toes on each foot. That is... That's too many toes. I will shoot you straight. That's an excessive too many toes. I will shoot you straight.

That's an excessive number of toes. I will lop those off so fast. Right? I would just trim it like a bonsai tree. Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, till I got the normal number of toes. Like the kid in Nip Tuck who gave himself a circumcision? I'd cut my own toes off.

Yo, Nip, talk about bringing things back. Bring back Nip Tuck in the the year 2020 the shit that they were letting fly in like oh three could you imagine now what they could talk about they would just show full-blown fuck scenes i just have like the trans transgender girl getting fucked i remember when christian troy was like i i could tell that wasn't a real pussy i to this day i say bullshit that you couldn't tell no no chance i love that that scene he puts it in he's like oh no that's not a real pussy um also i'm sure it was good enough i like what you're gonna fucking he's such a master of this he knows he can tell oh yeah but

i mean i could get the i could get behind the idea of like, I'm still going to fuck this. Yeah. Right. Right. If you, if you found that out, would you stop? No, no, no, no, like, no,

obviously not. I mean, it's, it's a vagina. It's a vagina. It's a vagina. It's attached, you know, to technically to a guy.

Right. But it's not gonna stop you. No, no. I mean, look, if you got me, would you have no problem? I would never in a million years. No. No. I mean, look, if you got me this far. Would you have no problem?

I would never in a million years, no. But if you did, what if you put it in and she was just like, guess what? That's a synthetic vagina that has been scripted. Heck of a job. My compliments to the chef. Michelin star vagina. The presentation, the plating was amazing. That is great. What was the question? Oh, presentation, the plating was amazing. That is great.

What was the question? Oh, yeah, the fingers. I don't know. A lot of fucking fingers in this world, okay? A lot of fucking fingers. Yeah, I think I would. I hope, you know, but I, you know, what if there's what if it's a staff that's like 1% of like babies are born without all their toes or some shit. But I would imagine the average is super, super high.

It's certainly not like a full digit or two low. What up, KFC Fights, whoever's producing. So I was just listening to your guys' episode on how you guys are the most unconstitutional or anti-constitutional podcast. Yay, yay! So I guess I got a question for you guys. If you could change the Constitution so it would be more modernized, like you guys said,

the right to bear arms with Thomas Jefferson and how he'd say no one could have a fucking Nerf gun, like, what would you guys change so it's more modern and, like, you know, it actually makes fucking sense for these times. Viva. Bye. This is a loaded question.

I guess I'd start off with all men are created equal and I'd mean it. Not their kind of equal. My kind. They were just winking at each other. All men are created equal. Come on.

All white, man. I'm trying to think of what's in the Constitution that I particularly don't care for. Yeah, I guess I have to learn the Constitution first. The Constitution is the Constitution, and then the amendments are obviously what amended the original, right? So what are they called? The articles or something like that? What's like the original? They're not the amendments. Or is amended the original, right? So what are they called? The articles or something like that? What's like the original? They're not the amendments. Or is it just called the Constitution?

I believe it's the Constitution. But, I mean, really, it's a toss-up. Bill of Rights is the original? Okay, that makes sense. So let's just look at the Bill of Rights. Okay. Let's do that. I mean, we're really going to get in trouble for this.

Let's just tear this fucking thing apart. Yeah, let's do it big. Oh, I mean, okay. You know what i would change is the fucking freedom of speech one i would change it so that dickheads don't like misuse it all the fucking time oh yeah you know yeah like i would be like you know this means the president can't arrest you it does mean you can get fired from your job yeah and like and more more so like you uh you you can say what you want but if there are consequences that's on fucking you saying dumb shit you know um how about the fucking the third amendment you just gotta house soldiers that was weird That was crazy

No you weren't allowed to house soldiers I'd get rid of that one Oh that's what it was? Without the consent of the owner So that used to just be like Guys used to be able to roll in and be like I live here now That's crazy that that was such a problem

That was the third thing they talked about Like first order you can talk Second order You get guns, third order you can't just sleep in random people's houses oh you just got us canceled yeah you forgot the second amendment that's how not to a i am i don't even know what it is uh that's one okay you know what well no i don't even know we want to do that i would really fucking change that oh i would definitively change that yeah i'd be like uh like 10 people get a gun in the whole fucking country.

You dumbass. The president can have a gun. That's it. I don't even know if that's a good idea, John. I don't think that's a good idea at all. My two way would be like only not assholes can have guns. And you show up to some place and they look at like first you got to do a to do a test. Let's see how you shoot and all that shit. But also they just give you a once over like,

Oh no, you were wearing like no sleeves and like, you know, jean shorts. Like now you're out. You're fucking, you don't get a gun. You look like an asshole.

You don't get it. I think everyone has to have like a musket. You can have a musket. Yeah. You want to do that? That'd be a great way. Like you got to reload. You want to,

you want to punch you in the face. I'll come punch you in the face before you reload your gun. You want to reference the Second Amendment? You get the arms. You get the right to bear the arms that they wrote about. So you can have a fucking musket and one of those pistols that are just curved and real long. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can have those. All you fucking want. Fifth Amendment. Let's see here. No person shall be held to answer a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless, oh, right through trial by jury. I think that's... I don't know. I think juries are overrated.

Yeah. I actually think juries are really overrated. I'm changing the Fifth Amendment. Juries are bullshit. That whole thing where they go back and deliberate and just one, like, pushy bully can overturn the whole thing. I just want to go eat. Fine.

Whatever you think. It's done. That's bullshit. Those two lawyers out there, they just did, like, hours and weeks of work all to have one high school bully change their fucking mind. Fuck a jury. Amendment six. Wait. So six is the speedy jury. Five is the militia, right?

No. I plead the fifth. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're not good at this. I think pleading the fifth, I would like to change it. I don't think you can change it. There needs to be a way where you pleading the fifth uh i would like to change it i don't think you can change it there needs to be a way where you can plead the fifth without being like oh that motherfucker's guilty yeah you know it's like it's like uh at the minute you plead the fifth yeah you're wait why are there so many fucking juries the seventh amendment involves a jury too yeah there's too

much bullshit here prohibits judges from overruling i I don't know what this means. Fuck it. It's out. Amendment 8, excessive bail. I don't give a shit. Amendment 9... Oh, I don't think you should get bail. I think everyone should just... Why?

I do not understand bail. How am I still arrested? I have not been found guilty of anything. Well, I think... So you either have to stay in jail until until your trial or you give us money. Or you pay the government. Right, right. Makes no fucking sense.

No. You shouldn't have to stay in jail. I haven't been found guilty of anything. How do I have to stay in jail? Right, right. But I guess it's, you know, we, but you've been charged and we need to like, you can't like run away or anything. So we need to like. But you didn't find me guilty yet.

Yeah. But... So I'm just a free citizen. Why do I owe you money, bitch? But I don't know. There's probably not. You're probably not. You're probably, like, a citizen who has been, like, at least accused of...

Look, as someone who's had to spend a few nights in jail, it was bullshit. You didn't fucking find me guilty of anything. Let me go home. How about this? This makes no... Tell me what this one means amendment nine the enumeration of the constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people what did you say yeah exactly right the enumeration of the constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people i don't even know i don't know i couldn't tell you what that fucking means so i'll tell you what that one that one's out let me find out that means like it's like full-blown

civil rights and i'm like get rid of that one fuck it i don't know what that means but i don't like the ninth amendment i got real problems with it i don't know what the tenth means either the power is not delegated to the u.s united states by the constitution nor prohibited by it to the states are reserved to the states respectively or to the people that is not even english the ninth amendment i'm trying to get like a real what is the meaning of the ninth amendment no i don't need you to just fucking the ninth amendment example presumption of innocence. The right to travel within the country.

The right to privacy. Marital privacy. These rights, although never enumerated, have found a home in the Ninth Amendment. What? That's like a catch-all? It's like, ah, anything we forgot. The Ninth Amendment.

How about all the amendments? I mean, Roe v. Wade is... The Ninth Article. How about all the amendments that they were like, boy, we missed a bunch. Yeah. We got 25 of these things. Like, fucking, we didn't see any of these coming. I mean, I guess it's good. There probably should be more than 25. It's probably like 25,000.

It's like, along the last 300 years, we got some shit change. Fucking stupid-ass Constitution. Alright, should we do our interview? Alright, we got one more voicemail. Brought to you by 3Chi. Let's get loose with this last one. Let's have some fun. That's what 3C is good for.

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Listen to this. Got a little question for you guys. So me and my boys are having a conversation about No Nut November on Snap. And one of my friends are really committed to it. So we ended up getting on the topic of how many days in a row do you think you went consecutively with beating your meat? Mine, I lost count. I don't even remember.

But then somebody asked, over, under 200. I took the over. I said I started young, seventhth grade, 8th grade. What do you guys think? Over, under, 200. How many days do you think you went? My longest? Current or, yeah, my peak?

Yeah, go peak. Yeah, okay. 200 days is like two-thirds of a year, a little less. I don't think I ever hit that. That'd be what? Let's call it four months. Three and a half months. Okay.

Three and a half months of every single day. Yeah. Wait. 30 days in a month. Six. Six and a half. Six months. Yeah.

Six months. Yeah. I probably did that. Nah. I don't think so. i don't think i did that you're all over yeah yeah you're a kombucha girl right there six months of every day jerking off no chance i'm trying to i mean no chance like these days but like in your prime in your peak where like you were doing nothing else you were just like going to school and like

jerking off before bed every time and shit no nothing no i think i probably jerk off more now do you probably i i think i don't have to hide from my mom well the thing is i get to do whatever the fuck i want i'm a big boy i'm an adult i can jerk off whenever i want candy in the freezer and i come whenever i want quote it put it on a reel put it on a tiktok get it out right now adult man i have candy in the freezer and i come whenever i want when people ask you what's what's adulthood that's the fucking answer but i agree with you but i'm also more prone at like this age to being like i'm just gonna go to bed you know where it's like i probably drug off more but I have a higher percent chance of missing a day and breaking the streak. Right.

So it's like I'm probably like, you know, like when DiMaggio, you know, DiMaggio, you got the 56 game history, but he also had like 75 out of 80 or like something like that. Like he went on another streak right away. Oh, really? So he went like like after 56, I think he rattled off like 20 more. So he went, you know, like he went like 74 for 75, something crazy like that. So I'm like that. I'm like DiMaggio. I'm getting like a lot of fuck ton of hits, a long ass hitting streak.

But I might miss one here, then restart it right away. But, you know, do I get to like a full blown 200 in a row in my peak, in my prime six straight months? But like when I'm really young it's probably not but it could be and i mean if i set my mind to it i could go if you set your mind to it in infinite oh yeah if i wanted if i if i had to like i could make myself absolutely also if i could stretch out the days like if i could like if i like put up six days six numbers in a day oh and then like average it out then it's forever

yeah that's great but I bet if it's just come once a day like if there was a gun to my head or a pot of rainbow a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

and I had to come every day like easy I mean like of course yeah I mean I don't know why I don't just do it why don't we just pretend that

and make sure you come every day it's like an apple a day keep the doctor away I feel like we should come every day get the poison out I feel like it's truly poison i feel like cum poisons your brain it's toxic masculinity it really is get it out cut it out i love the biggest feminist podcast yeah i love when you how how you uh if you like back in the day like the guys from uh like little finger no uh the other one. Varys gets his dick chopped off as a eunuch. I love how

it's like you chop that off and you just become a woman. And it's like you just probably are a more competent person. It's like, well, I got rid of my cum and my balls and now I have feelings and I can articulate and I can be a good person. I got rid of this poison factory.

It's just a factory creating poison inside your asshole. Just get rid of it poison factory. It's just a factory creating poison inside your asshole. Just get rid of it, man. Just take that thing out. Everybody, it's like circumcision. We should get our foreskin chopped and our prostate ripped out. We'd all be a lot fucking healthier. Right?

The prostate makes the cum? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I just know it's not the balls, right? The balls make the semen, but there's like two different things know it's not the balls, right? The balls make the semen, but there's like two different things. There's like the cum.

I don't think you make cum in your butt. No? What does the prostate do? No? What makes the cum? What does the prostate do then? I don't know. What makes semen? Alright, fine. You get that. I'll find out where semen? All right, fine.

You get that. I'll find out where semen is stored. Yeah, the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland make a whitish fluid called seminal fluid, which mixes with the sperm. Yeah, so sperm's in your balls. And the prostate makes the rest of the fluid? I don't know. A man's reproductive system, the testicles,

the duct system, the accessory glands, and the penis. Where is sperm produced? Sperm production occurs in the testicles. Upon reaching puberty, a man will produce millions of sperm each day, each measuring about.002 inches long.

How is sperm produced? The seminal vesicle looks like it's in my stomach. Really? Huh. Interesting. Cool. Yeah, that's right. I mean, that's the whole thing, right?

That's why your balls hang outside your body because they need to be less than 98.6, which is just so stupid. Why can't sperm survive? So I wonder what the temperature of your balls are. I'm going to get one of those COVID guns and I'm going to do my balls because I want to know. It's like, all right, my balls, my sperm can't live at 98.6, but 89.3, that's the fucking, you know, that's where I almost feel like my balls would be hotter than inside my body smushed up in between my legs and shit

that just feels hot you think so? obviously not it feels that way to me up inside my chest feels like it would be cooler than smushed between my balls and my legs let's get into our interview.

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It's staggering because I just don't pay a lot of bills. Yikes. They must not include parking tickets and stuff like that on there. Yeah, they do. No, but I'm saying they must not because I would be living proof. My credit score would be terrible. go to scoremaster.com i really hope that i just make enough money one day where it's like bank listen i know my credit score sucks but like i have a ton of money so because otherwise it's not going to be good uh scoremaster.com slash kfc to start adding credit points

points to your credit score right now right ryan phe, Phillippe, Phillippe, unbelievable interview. Great dude. Let's talk to him. What's up, man? What's going on, bro? How are you, pal? Chilling. How are you?

Doing very good. How'd the first interview go? Those guys were great. It was really cool. It was really chill. Yeah, it went well. Good stuff, man. Well, we're going to dive in.

Dude, I didn't know you. Yeah, that's what I thought. You do the minute, the break. Yeah. Let's go! I've had a good run here. The last, like, four or five interviews we've done, the guys have recognized me, which is a good sign.

That's good for business. It's the first thing I've ever done. Yeah, I mean, that can't be a surprise. Well, you know, we've done the podcast for a long time. We've been here for a long time but i haven't done anything that's quite gotten outside of our bubble the way this has where people like yourself are are uh recognizing it so it's it's a good feeling you know what i love about it is that you're like a bridge to uh the older uh folks like myself because there will

be a topic that i care a little bit about, but not enough to investigate. Right. I'll do it for you. I don't want to sit there and search what Takashi six, nine doing, but I want to go. I want, I want somebody else to break it down for me.

Yup. So that's what you do. That's, that's my, I like that. The bridge to the old folks. Right. I know that it's like,

I know you're interested, but you're not either a, you're not going to like, like you said, investigate it or B you don't want to be known as the guy who investigated it, you know? So I'll hook you up. I'll tell you, you know, I'll give you the scoop. But then, you know, but it's good when you're a parent of a 17 year old son who is like super into, I mean, I'm, I'm still super into hip hop. And I'm like, I listened,

my playlist is like a 21 year old, but you know, you sort of helped me be able to have conversations about topics that are relevant to him, so it's a nice... Look at this, Kevin! I'm helping out Brian the dad I love you, man, that's great, man thanks, look at the Tupac shirt, you really are

you're not fucking around, huh? Who's, who's, who's oh wow, look at your uh who's your favorite this artist named blue the great you can find him on uh instagram and all that stuff he does these like cool mummy things yeah i feel like i know that name i don't know his art but i definitely heard i've heard blue the great you've probably seen him right he does like now he does some collabs with nike and stuff but he's really cool artist from downtown la so who's like your top five top two top three give me like who me like who your favorite hip hop artist is.

All time? Yeah. I mean, I'm going to go, I'm going to skew more classic. Jay-Z is one of the people I've, one of the voices I've heard most of my life. I've always said the three voices I've heard most of my life to this point are Howard Stern, Jay-Z, and Tom York. Like if you were to quantify,

if you're going to put together time wise even more than my parents voices i've heard those three voices so jay-z would be there i'm a huge pusha t fan i'm a huge lil wayne fan um so do you get into the new shit i i'm like such an old man when it comes to rapper i'm like they don't make them like they used to and i can't seem to get into like all the new ways the trap music and the mumble rally. It just never really resonated with me. I do. I do, because I love a good beat. And like my son now is producing music. Oh, and and I like. Yeah. So like I still like the young stuff. I don't know why.

I just I love innovation. And I think one of the reasons why at my advanced age, I've managed to stay somewhat young is that I'm always looking, I'm curious about what the next thing is, whether it's in music, whether it's in film, whether it's in how we digest media. I find so many people get scared or sort of put off as they get older by things changing. I mean, we certainly see that politically. And I don't know, I dig, I want to know what the next wave is. I've always been curious about what's coming next. And I think that now we're in this era where so many things are reset from a societal standpoint. I'm curious about that, man. I'm curious about that man i'm curious about the rebuild i'm curious about the way things um take change shape you know and so i have friends you know in the music industry like one

of my best friends um is a manager and he represents tyler the creator and and brock hampton and he's really anti brand new trap and, and, and new hip hop. And I just, I don't know. It gets, it gets me going. It gets me excited. I wish it was that way.

It just, it doesn't, I'm definitely, like I said, the old man about it, but you know who I think is who's next and going to be part of the rebuild and isn't afraid. And I know you're down with this guy's Tim Dillon.

Oh yeah. Tim Dillon's the fucking man. He is a force of nature, dude. I find the guy brilliant on multiple levels, but his ability to speak, there's something Chappelle-esque about his command of the language, of the stage, his confidence. Even when you listen to his podcast, like, he's just spitting, man. Yeah, he goes.

He's just going off the dome. Yeah, yes or yes. Just like an hour and a half, just talking nonstop. It's crazy. It's very hard to do. And it's entertaining throughout, and he doesn't, I mean, he repeats themes, certainly, but there's always like a new kernel,

and I'm super excited because he invited me to his Friendsgiving next week. Oh, wow. Yeah. I should come back on and give you a recap. Yeah, please. I need the inside scoop on what goes on at the Tim Dillon Friendsgiving. But he and I have never met in person yet, and that'll be the first night we do.

But we talk a lot on messages. And what's so funny to me is like I've been pretty much kind of a ground floor fan of his. I love all comedy, dude. I love the weirder the better, the darker the better for me. It's just like that's what I respect. Where are you from? You're from Philly, right? I was born in Delaware, but I grew up in the Philly area.

Okay, because I feel like I'm from New New York and he's like a long Island guy, but I feel like even just being an East coast guy, you can kind of relate more to just like that. He's angry and he's a little bit dark and he's just like, fuck off. And like, you know, if you're not, there's, there's so much connective tissue, even as much in as much as like, I grew up lower middle class when he talks on the East coast, when he talks about his family,

I feel like he's talking about mine. It's incredible. It's so relatable and so specific to the region a lot of the time. And that's what's fun about him being out here and that old fish out of water and seeing him bounce around from different property to property. Him being out in the desert in L. In LA is just such a funny dichotomy. It just makes no fucking sense.

He brought the downfall. It's like he showed up and LA crumbled. Yeah. It's interesting to see people sort of start to wake up to him or take to him. He could be a very polarizing comedian too.

In this age of how soft everybody is it's gonna be interesting when he was not alex jones didn't he wear a free like yeah he can be polarized oddly enough though he had an episode on his Patreon show where he interviewed a author who wrote a book all about people who disappear, who are like kidnapped or disappear, get murdered in like national parks or out in like the Pacific Northwest. I remember that like these wilderness areas, which I feel like is kind of what goes on in Big Sky. Right. It's like these two girls disappear on the road at like a truck stop kind of in, you know, the middle of nowhere where it does feel like those things, it feels like that shit can just happen where, you know, like most of the time you're in a city or somewhere there's people always

around or cameras always around, but there are certain places where like, poof, you're gone. And I don't know if anyone's finding you. It's scary. Yeah. And, and in that way, uh, Montana is very much a character in the show right you know it's an it's a it's a region that hasn't been overdone on television um and so and and it's got a very specific look with the mountains and the and the tall trees that some people will go their whole life without ever standing next to and this idea of these open spaces where anything can lurk. There's not the same amount of infrastructure as there is in a place like California. It feels like anything can happen.

And the series certainly takes advantage of that. You know, the series itself is based on a book by C.J. Box. This is, it's several books, actually, but this first season approaches her, or his first, the one book called The Highway, and it does center around the abduction of these teenage girls that then reveals a larger operation that's afoot.

And the actors in this are phenomenal. The two female leads who are the actual leads in a lot of way, Kylie Bunbury and Catherine Winnick are awesome. And I'm lucky enough to be in a love triangle with them at the start of the series. I don't know how I always get so lucky. The cool thing about this show is it's very female-driven,

but it has a lot of attitude, a lot of balls, I guess, in some ways. And David E. Kelly, man, the guy's career speaks for itself. He's made countless hit television shows and won countless awards

and it's really fun as an actor to uh to perform that level of writing you know like you get the scripts and you get the dialogue changes and he just has a different approach than your average standard tv writer and uh and and that's exciting when you, when you get pages and you're like, this is kind of, this is really good because a lot of times you're in a situation where you're like, this is okay. We were just reading the quote and I, you can tell me if this is not true. Cause it was, you know, found on the internet and who knows, but, uh, it said that you're, you're actually like pessimistic about a lot of the work that you've done. Like you, you think out of a lot of the movies you've done that only like a handful are truly good or great.

Is that true? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like, I disagree.

I haven't seen all your movies, but I disagree with all the ones I've seen. He is. Maybe I've only seen the ones you think are good, but like. I hope so. Let's keep it that way. Don't dig any deeper like i want you to keep this you know what the most underrated one is first of all we got a

couple here antitrust you guys blew the lid off the whole thing you had the company wrong but you were i mean you were ahead of the times on that one yep and then uh we tried to warn you about bill gates but right like that i was saying i was like it's not bill gates but it's bill gates like it's in seattle and no it's 100 a funny story about doing that movie was you know tim robbins plays the the bill gates bad guy character tim robbins is like eight feet tall i'm like five nine and a half five ten we have to do a scene where we're walking on the beach together. Okay, so every beach has a natural grade, right? This motherfucker

makes me stand on the lower goddamn section and I look like a midget. I really look like a little person. And it was really embarrassing. I think I remember this scene. His house is in the background, right?

You're walking down the walk and you see his house. Yeah, I remember that. And I was like, fuck, that dude is little. Help me out. Help me out. It was definitely done on purpose. You know, I've had a couple situations where actors will definitely give you a little. Have you really? You think that he was like, I'm going to tower over this guy? I can see that shit going on on the set. know i i've had a couple situation where actors will definitely give you a little happy really

you think that he was like i'm gonna tower over this guy i can see that shit going on on the set no doubt it happens and then we had igby goes down igby goes down is one of my favorite movies all the time that's a fucking cool that's yeah right that's a deep right he's like the only guy i've ever heard reference that movie i actually watched because i went to like boarding school so i actually watched like back to back-to-back for the first time. We did, like, Cruel Intentions, Igby Goes Down. And that was,

the crazy one about that was we were like, oh, Macaulay Culkin's little brother's in this? And then now Kieran's, like, the fucking guy in Succession and shit. Yeah, man. That cast is one of the more, like, that cast is a bomb squad cast.

That's what I was going to say, is that I've been lucky in that way, too, that even in the smaller, somewhat overlooked movies, the casts have been phenomenal. Like, you know, I mean, that one had Jeff Goldblum and Susan Sarandon and, like, crazy people, like, Gore Vidal's in it playing a part. And then movies like Crash obviously had an insane cast.

Gosford Park had an insane cast. Really, all-time groups of actors. And it's fun to be part of stuff like that. I really appreciate it as it's happening. Going back and looking at Cruel Intentions, man, what a fucking trip that movie is. Holy shit, that's some wacky stuff, man. When you were making that, were you guys like,

God damn, this is a weird – or it just like more normal at the time i i'm trying to figure out how that aged because it was never normal right it was always weird no and i thought my parents were gonna disown me and really i grew up shooting that 23 okay but i i'd grown up going to like baptist school and like and Christian school and stuff. Now you're kissing pussies. My first role ever, though, coming out of the Christian school when I was a senior in high school, I played the first gay character on a soap opera. First gay teenager ever.

And so I was shunned at that point. So they were already out of the picture. So you're like, ah, fuck it, let's go all in. Wait, they were really like, you're out? Kind of kind of yes no not so much yeah kind of definitely yeah i mean this was 1992 and i was playing a gay teenager and i was in a christian school they weren't they weren't happy but but so i was when i was doing the movie i know what you did Summer, the same producer had the script for Cruel Intentions. And I read the script in my trailer during the shoot. So we were near the end of shooting I Know What You Did Last Summer.

And he's like, I want you to take a look at the script. He's like, it's kind of, you know, it's a little risky or whatever. He's like, take a look at it. Yeah, I'd say so, bud. I was like, I remember walking out of the trailer and finding him. I'm like, are you guys really going to make this? And he said, yeah. And I was, you know, I've still never played a character like that since.

Like, I want to do, I'm dabbling in comedies here and there. And I do a lot of alt comedy stuff. Like, I've been on the Eric Andre show twice. And I do MacGruber. We're going to do the MacGruber series this year, this coming year, but I want to get back to playing a character like Sebastian in Cruel Intentions.

It was just so fun to be so flippant and sort of, you know... The hand motions are... Theatrical and... Always, like, the hand motions, yeah. We were just waving people off. Like it was, I rewatched it last night. I probably hadn't seen it in a few years.

And it's fucking. It's cool that it holds up, man. You know, a lot of times to take a movie from a specific point in time that's supposed to connect with, you know, a younger crowd. And it just, it stays. This movie somehow finds new fans all the time. They were going to do a series about Cruel Intentions, a TV series,

a year or so ago. There's a musical out there that's really good, actually. Wow. Brilliant. They put it back in theaters for its 20th anniversary. That only happens to the Godfather. Yeah, that's a cult classic shit. You are on that level, though what what level of responsibility are you willing to take for the whole fucking stepbrother stepsister porn thing you guys that's that's honestly so true that's

your goddamn fault ryan this is ridiculous wait a minute you don't think that that fantasy existed before cool intentions you put it on the map yeah put it on the map you put it on the silver it was it was talked about and closed behind closed doors not on the silver screen how do i capitalize on that financially yeah for real you got a bad ad you gotta get important you gotta talk yeah you gotta start oh honestly if you if you started shooting porn right now and you did a cruel intentions themed porn and you were in it that's big you started only fans started only chris brown just chris brown just started to only fans oh chris brown i know tiger did yeah what i what are these He started an OnlyFans. Didn't Chris Brown just start an OnlyFans? Oh, Chris Brown.

I know Tyga did. What are these guys doing? I can tell you right now with complete sincerity, I've seen Tyga's penis. I paid to subscribe to Tyga. For those of you listening, Ryan just did a literal spit-tank. Just spit out his coffee. Yeah, no, he subscribes to his OnlyFans. I don't anymore, my subscription. I only did it for a month.

I just wanted to see what he's posted on it. First picture, hard shit. Sure, whatever. Whatever you want to make peace with. It's your life, dude. It's your life. Whatever, man. No, but he usually shows his dick off a lot,

but then also there was pictures of him just engaging in wild orgies and shit, right? He's got a pretty good life. What a weird time, man. I came from an era where you ran from the paparazzi. You tried to live as clandestine or private as you possibly could. Not anymore. Literally,

back when Reese and I had our first child, there was a bounty, a money bounty on those photographs to the point where we had people digging through our trash we had i had like physical confrontations in my 20s with pop now these motherfuckers are just having sex you know what isn't it isn't it kind of like uh like they're gonna do it anyway these fucking vures. So why don't I make a subscription and make my money off? I mean, Tiger's making bank.

I think he makes like 2 million a month. I guess so. Does anybody have any shame anymore? No, yeah, no dignity. Does morality even exist? Like what do you tell your kids about this? You know, I'm dealing, my son is a junior in high school this year and I'm like having to contemplate the

idea that like he's gonna probably be going to school with girls that have only fans oh yeah christ it's so it's like and then how and then when kids get into dating and this and on that it's just such a skewed uh i don't know you know? And you can't relate. I can't be like, when I was your age, this was happening. Because it's like, yeah, dad, I was doing that in like fourth grade, you pussy. How old are you? I'm 36. 36?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so for me, even 10 years, almost more than that. It's like, I don't, you know. And so you try to help them navigate this shit the best you can but the the stuff they're throwing at us i don't think anybody has answers i was even surprised it wasn't even my child i don't have any children but like my girlfriend's a little she's like five years younger than me and she has friends who have only fans i'm like that's wild yeah just normal girls who were just like yeah well you know i need some i need to make ends meet next

thing you know they're're driving Porsches. It's nuts. It's so casual. What would be your number to start an OnlyFans, Ryan? How much you got to make a month? Everybody's got a number, bud. You know, ultimately, I do. I think my number would be so ridiculous just because, thankfully, I've worked a long time in this industry.

I'm doing okay. Doing all right i think part of part of what's happening with these music people is they can't tour yeah that's true that's a good point that's they're not making money man they got a lifestyle to keep up anything off of them streams no i don't care how many streams you got you gotta get like 500 billion streams on spotify to make like we had luke bryan on and luke and Luke Bryan was talking about like this massive hit and he's like I got 300 bucks for that and that's something fucking Bryan so imagine some of these guys

right and we're looking at potentially another year of no touring no concert did you see that shit Ticketmaster is doing where they're partnering with clear so like you know you know like the airport the clear thing yeah yeah and you probably fly private but the

I'm good but i'm not that private private plane good is also it's environmentally it's it's not carbon footprint over here okay ryan yeah but they're gonna have like clear is gonna track your vaccinations so that like when you try and go into a concert venue you have to do like an eye scan so they can see you've been vaccinated in the last year and i was like all that shit sounds sounds a little antitrust sounds a little yeah that's a little dystopian teacher i don't want to fuck with yeah honestly who knows where we're going i mean you're seeing how draconian it's getting in australia new zealand you know europe is is is on the verge of imposing some of these rules that are,

I just, you know, I'm very much an independent. I've always, I've been registered independent since I was 18 years old politically. And I just, I just fear, I do maybe lean a little libertarian. I just fear the loss of true freedom. I mean, we were already, we're experiencing it absolutely during this period where, you know, we can't travel anywhere powers that be i mean i i don't know where the hell we're going i agree with that but we were kind of talking about it yesterday where it's like didn't we already do it like didn't we just like when we started with phones like didn't we already give up our freedom didn't we give up our privacy we're already spying it's almost like i like i've drowned and now i'm just in the peaceful part where it's like

i like i know like they're they're listening they're doing fucking i'm tracking me they're doing all that and i just can't i'm addicted to this so i can't stop i'm staying at a friend's house in la right now because i'm about to go to utah to start a movie and we were all sitting here um night before last every one of our devices erupted at the same time my watch my phones ipad their phones their everything with a with a a government uh emergency message you know yeah and it's like the fact that they can make every single individual uh device go off of this it's like but wait i had another thought or point about that uh yeah although it's like the carlin thing the george carlin the illusion of freedom the illusion of choice that's that's really where we're living right yeah right you can pretend this this was our hypothetical yesterday. If they come up with a vaccine, but in order to get it,

you got to get like a chip put into you. One of those, you know, these things they talk about, the government chips where they can track, would you do it? I would definitely do a thorough amount of investigation. You'd watch it one minute, man. Yeah, I'll give you the scoop. But the other thing that I will say is there has to be some

consideration. Well, so, first of all, I'm hearing, we have 330 million people in the U.S. I'm hearing it's going to take three to four doses. So they're going to have to choose a pecking order. They're going to have to start with the most at risk. So we'll see what have to choose a pecking order. They're going to have to start with the most at risk. So we'll see what happens to those people.

Let the guinea pigs go. All right. We got a couple more hypothetical questions for you. It's a game we play called Answer the Internet. These are all questions from our fans. I know this. You know it? Yeah. All right.

So we're going to dive into it. I want to do it one time where I get to hold the cards and throw them out. Yeah. Come on in, man. We can get you in person. We'll fly out to it. I want to do it one time where I get to hold the cards and throw them. Yeah, come on in, man. If we can get you in person, we'll fly out to you. I don't know. We got to do it right. We'll do it now, but it really doesn't have the same luster as when you get to flip the cards around. You're right.

We'll start off. We'll ease into it a little bit. Would you rather date a girl who laughs at everything or a girl who laughs at nothing? That's a tough one um i'm gonna have to say everything because i love i'm a comedy nerd like i love to laugh i love humor so i guess i would although it would annoy the shit out of me so you know what it is it's annoying annoying versus like ego like if she laughs at nothing i'm gonna start to feel bad about myself. I'll deal with it being annoying, but you got to laugh at me.

Otherwise, I got nothing. You got to laugh. You're pretty, though. He's good looking. I don't know if I would. I got to rely on my humor. You, not so much. All right.

Would you rather everyone in your girlfriend's office want to have sex with her or not want to have sex with her? Pretty confident, man. I'm going to have to say I want them to want to have sex with her? I'm pretty confident, man. I'm going to have to say I want them to want to have sex. Yeah, good answer. That is like, you know you're going to have to like, you're going to have a couple of fights about it, but you're like, still, like, I know where you're coming home to. As long as she does. Yeah.

I'd imagine she comes back to Ryan. Yeah. What is your number one karaoke song? You karaoke guy? I am not. But if I were a karaoke guy, it'd probably be Big Pimpin'. Big Pimpin'! I like it.

I can kill it. You said that without even a smile. I love that. You're dead serious. Fucking crutch it. You want to go viral, dude? Do that do that bam you're all over the i actually i freestyled on sway in the morning a few years back really are we talking like you can find it out there on the internet are we talking like true off the top or like a freestyle i mean i had a couple things written down on my phone because i wanted to like relate them because i wanted it to

tie in directly to my career so i was like trying to tie in project names yeah you know so i did write some stuff down but it was also it was a combo freestyle with some line i'm looking that up as soon as we're done that's fucking but yo that's a brave ass thing to do hell yeah that is something you're all white man yeah as a non-rapper mean, that's hard for actual rappers to do. Let alone. That's what he says. Cause I'm sort of friendly with him. And he's like,

there are so many big name rappers who won't come in here and freestyle because they're afraid of falling on their face. And then their career could be done. He's like, he lied. He's like a lot of dudes, you know, will not come in and do that.

Doing that. We have, we used to do shows at serious sometimes. And there was one time we were sitting in the lobby and Sway must have just thought I was somebody else and he came up and he dapped me up and he was like good to see you baby how you been

and I was like good man good and he was like alright man stay good and he walked out and everyone was like why the fuck did Sway just do that I was like I don't know I think he thought I was someone else but it was the coolest I've ever felt you look like you could be a Stern Show staffer I was like, I don't know. I think he thought it was someone else. But it was the coolest I've ever felt. You look like you could be a Stern Show staffer.

What the fuck is that, Ryan? You look like you could get Howard Stern's coffee. Yo, I thought that was going somewhere else. Like, you look like you could be a movie star. I know someone's assistant, I guess. I love it. I'm just trying to think about it from Sway's perspective. I'm trying to think about how Sway saw you. Incredible.

Would you rather always be hard or never be able to get hard again? I mean, come on, bro. I thought you guys would have better ones. You're not thinking this through, man. You got to go to, like, your kid's school function. I am 100% thinking this through. If you can never get hard, your life is over. You're done.

You're a unit it's like you ever heard of that up tuck bro yeah i'm thinking it through right in my waist i'll tuck it up or strap it to my leg or whatever i gotta do but all right all right gotta get the job done we'll up we'll up the ante a little bit um you have a choice between a sum of money and world peace how much money would it have to take for you to say no to the world peace there isn't enough honestly oh fuck off that's because you're already good like i got my my stuff's a little bit of wealth privilege it's a little bit of wealth privilege yes but honestly how could you live with yourself and your money if you negated the possibility of providing world peace?

Like, I would feel I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. It's not like you have if you know that, like, children are being bombed in the Middle East. And well, it's not a bad point like i'd probably end up super depressed and suicidal in within a few months no no that's the thing i think if you make the money choice you're gonna end up killing yourself yeah because like i mean everything you see on the news like i could have stopped that yeah but i'll donate like some of my hundreds of trillions listen i'll donate a trillion to the kids getting bombed, and I've got like $100 trillion left over.

We can make it work. That's one of the better answers I've heard, because I don't think anyone's ever been like, how do you live with yourself? Money does not create peace, and we've seen this throughout history. You could dump that trillion in, but who's in control of it? And is it actually going to get to who needs it?

All right, well, how about this then? Can you go to your barber if he's very racist? in but who's in control of it and is it actually going to get to who needs it all right well how about this then can you go to your barber if he's very racist let's say i'll tell you and look let me just show you let me show you the but let's say he gives you the cut that like you know you know you're on movie sets and you look great everyone's like oh damn this guy's he's got great hair he's awesome at it and all you got to do is go in there and just kind of turn your ears off for you know half an hour you're not doing it all right i'll start i'll start here like okay i grew up in a lower middle class area wilmington delaware is where i was born um i was i grew up mostly around Black people and minorities. So it's very ingrained

into how I see the world. So it's just like a non-starter for me. I remember one time I was out with one of the hottest girls I'd ever been out with in my life. And she dropped the first racist statement. You couldn't really define it. and i was willing to let that one go the second one no matter how hot she was the second time something came out of her mouth that was along those lines i was out so the other part to this question is i have a weird shaped head and even when even when i have somebody gives me a good, the next time invariably they'll give me a fuck me up fam. I don't, I don't think that anybody is going to deliver consistently enough for me to

put up with their hate. Let me do a couple more here. Uh, Mary fuck kill the hottest girl from your high school back in the day, your hottest teacher or the hottest of your friend's moms? Marry, fuck, kill. You asked for it. You started talking shit, so marry, fuck, kill.

The hottest girl from my high school now is closing in on 50 years old, so I'm screwed. Your hottest teacher is probably dead yeah and i and i don't really like older women let's say okay you know what though let's say you get them in your prime we'll play a little magical version of it okay all right and everyone's of age everyone's they are legal and they are in their prime okay then it would be F, hottest girl in high school, very hottest teacher and killed my friend's mom. That's going to lead to some awkward conversations in the playground. Like, yo, yeah, I killed your mom, but I fucked Bethany. Like, that's pretty sick, right?

All right, last one here. Last one here. We usually ask this to non-celebrities, but I think it's going to be interesting coming from someone who's a celebrity themselves. Who is the hottest celebrity you think you could get with if you got in a room with them

and they got a chance to know you? Come on! Come on! Hell nah. i'll answer almost anything it's too within it's too within it's too inside baseball you know the ramifications i see why you ask this of non-celebrities because it's like pie in the sky it's like yeah oh that's my hall pass okay you could actually do it that's also how many people you think you're listed on as their hall pass over under yeah that's a great 20 000 you are a very big hall pass yes you are sir they tell me on on in my notifications on

twitter and stuff like guys will tell me that i'm their wife's hall pass i'm like why do you want me to like try to yo bro please fuck down? Maybe, by the way. You know, here's something that I get told a lot, which is admittedly pretty sexy. I'll meet girls and they'll tell me that cruel intentions was the first thing they ever masturbated to. And I've heard that maybe a couple, like a hundred times. And that's pretty rad. That's pretty fucking... That's pretty rad.

I mean... And so you've had sex with all those girls, right? I mean, that's... No, no, no. That's insane. I didn't say they were all attractive. Dude, the... But, but, but,

you could. With every single one of those girls who says that to you, you know it's there if you want it. That's gotta be a good feeling. Yeah, sure. Speaking of good feelings, I do have to pay you an exceptionally high compliment. Shooter is one of my favorite shows. I actually rewatched

it really recently, and the reason I got into it is because I have a buddy who's a Marine, and he's fucking insufferable to watch like war movies with or anything with combat because he's like that's not how it would work that's not how it would work that's not how it would work and then he texted me i don't know two years ago whatever it was three years ago and he's like bro you gotta watch shooter felipe felipe does everything perfect and i was like really and he's like the whole like it's the

it's the only show i could talk to him about that involves combat or war or whatever, where he thinks everything's done accurately. There's almost nothing that you can be told that is more of a compliment in regards to doing that kind of work. When you're playing a military person and you put time and effort into making it look like you know what you're doing, to the point where even between

seasons of shooter we would go out to utah and work with a force recon marine and do live live uh fire drills omar and i they would put like real weapons with real ammo in them that were running around doing fire drills in utah we worked so hard and the cool thing about that project is we had so many i I have a ton of friends in the service. A lot of my family is served. I do a lot of work with veterans charities, all that stuff's very close to my heart. So I put extra effort into making sure all that stuff is done right. But on that show, we actually had half of the crew were veterans, you know, so our prop guy was ex-Marine, you know, and on down the line. And it was cool to also, you know, so our prop guy was ex-Marine, you know, and on down the line.

And it was cool to also, you know, give those people work within the industry and give them the chance at a second career. But it also means that anytime you have a question, or you're worried about what tactical approach to take here, there's someone there to give you that answer. And, man, we put a lot lot into getting that stuff right to the point where I got to, by the end of my training, I was hitting a 12 inch steel target from seven eighths of a mile away. What? Yeah. You were a godly swagger himself.

Yeah. I have, I have legit ability in that regard i had to work at it but i remember the first time they took me to the range at camp pendleton i was on this on this range with a bunch of usmc snipers and i was dinging targets and they were like oh really good right you're coming really good like they were kind of surprised yeah yeah holy but uh yeah man like i i it's the craziest thing about hitting a target at that distance is how long it takes to get there so you fire and you're waiting a good one two seconds before you hear that ding and it's it's a great feeling when when you when yeah i love that kind of training that's gotta be like forget about like

uh like hitting a good golf shot or like hitting like fucking a three-pointer from deep banging a target from 4 500 feet away or some shit has got to be a great feeling yeah and because then you apply it to real where real world scenarios where you're just like you know the the angel of death you know like you're hidden you can take something out from a mile away like you're you're god i don't know what happened yeah you just wiped off the planet see you later that's crazy man all right well listen this is awesome We really appreciate the time. Big Sky is out. It's on ABC. What's the? On ABC, 10 o'clock Tuesday after The Bachelorette.

Ooh, that's a good lead-in. That's a good lead-in. That's a big audience, man. Big spot. Looking forward to it, man, and really appreciate all the time. Yeah, let's do this again, guys. Yeah, absolutely. We'd love to.

Anytime you want, man. Have a good one, all right? Thanks, man. Bye, folks. See you later. Bye. I've got some missions that nobody can see. man. Have a good one. All right. Thanks. See you later. The soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Uh-huh

Yeah Uh-huh Yeah, no, no Yeah Yeah