KFC Radio - Sam Morril on the Chaos of the Fully Loaded Tour - Full Episode

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:20 Lewis Black went to Epsteins house 16:06 Fully Loaded Tour 22:12 Comedy and Drinking 26:07 Succeeding in comedy hurts your comedy 34:25 Raw dogging a flight 49:52 Bodega Cat 53:59 The importance of comedy in all of our lives 01:01:58 Sams struggle to get his TV show made 01:14:55 The Roast of Tom Brady 01:20:53 Video Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). BetterHelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. Bilt: Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to https://joinbilt.com/KFC.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. And he was just like, he comes over to me and Gronk and kisses us both on the lips. And we're like, what the f*** is happening? What a move. He was like, but he was the sweetest guy. this is sick oh fuck I love that

what the Louis Black yeah he did our he did oh you have that hat too Ricky Velez yeah dude I

this fucking you like a lot of the stuff in the studio I'm feeling good about the studio he did our pod and it was like a story I couldn't

he didn't ask us to cut it I couldn't believe it but it was a story about him at Epstein's place oh shit what

and it was like it was like was he drunk no I think it was our most viral clip I bet yeah

cause Norm and I both had like killer jokes at the end he was like talking about just like well done boys

that's like that's the time to hit the home runs is on the Epstein story. I couldn't fucking believe he told us. He was like... I mean, I guess he has nothing to hide. He hasn't done anything wrong. But just going to Epstein's, I couldn't believe he fucking told us. He was at his apartment or the island?

The house. The townhouse. Okay. I don't know if it was in Midtown. I forgot. Yeah, he had a penthouse that... I thought you were saying he went to... Bobby Slayton, I guess, was buddies with was in Midtown, I forgot. Yeah, he had like a penthouse that like, I thought you were saying he went to.

Bobby Slayton, like I guess was buddies with him. Who's Bobby Slayton? Bobby Slayton's like a fucking road dog comic and he, he, you know,

his wife actually fucking just died. He has like, he, Jesus. But he, no, I think he just, but then he remarried

someone like insanely wealthy. Like he's, he's a character. He's like the guy on the road that was a joke, one of the jokes I made in Lewis' story he I think started the gag of when a woman would get up and go to the bathroom grab her seat and sniff it and then guess the year like it was a wine

and it would kill, it's not exactly a highbrow joke but he started it he's like the guy on the road who would like always be like uh walking people and and i hear stories like he walked 30 people because he couldn't stop saying he's like an old yeah so he just says what the fuck he wants like fuck yo yo cunts but lewis flag is buddies with him and like sounds like the guy that running the light was based on yeah right he's the embodiment which one is that what is it sam talents book that was a good book yeah yeah that was fucking amazing right yeah he is kind of like that guy actually because he did have some success

holy shit yeah a little bit that's like a bunch of man that book was like i hate like any extra comedy in my life like i can't do specials that book was fucking great yeah so you don't watch any specials i could understand that for multiple reasons but also i did fox are we are we on right now yeah i was i did foxworthy's pod yesterday and he was like uh he said the same thing he was like when i was your age i couldn't watch specials and he's like now i can't but like yeah it's hard i because i'm i'm i'm in creative mode right now so i'll watch like a little for uh inspiration sometimes i forget how to write a joke sometimes i'll watch old shit of mine and be like oh yeah shit like how do i do that i don't know how i do

yeah right but uh like watching your own highlights you know yeah you're like fuck i got i need a new jj reddick and lebron were talking about that how like when you're in a slump they would he was like we'll we'll we'll be the ones to say it but everybody else does it don't deny it like you go back and you watch it you're like okay I am that guy I can do that I can do that yeah a little more for LeBron than JJ Redick had like a specific game he was like May 22nd 2017 against the blah blah I hit like six threes LeBron was like uh yeah like anything anything anything on youtube but yeah dude i mean it's hard to like i watched neil brennan's recently i like that a lot i'll watch sometimes i'll watch special now are you not watching because you're just like i'm all

comedied out or like you don't want to have ideas overlap yeah yeah i don't want to take anyone's idea right because once you hear something that does trigger your creativity, it's a little bit like, well, fuck, I can't get that out of my head. But if I say it, then it's like. If you're lifting someone's bit by accident, like it's happened to all of us. We've all done it. But you have.

You just got to be aware enough to pull it out. Right, right, right. You got to, you know. Yeah. But, yeah, I've definitely. I think that that's the danger with, like, doing so much improv. I think that's what got Robin Williams in trouble is that he was always doing improv and you're watching comedy. And now, okay, a joke pops into your head. And, you know, he did have a brilliant improv skill.

But, you know, at the same time, you've got to be careful. Right, right, right. I very much get that, too, where it's like the stealing – I used to say it about podcasts. I don't listen to podcasts. I don't want to accidentally take stuff. I think I used to say about podcasts I don't listen to podcasts I don't want to accidentally take stuff I think I just don't like podcasts You just listen to a podcast and you're like stamps.com That's not yours

This guy fucking stole that I hate if I do listen to a podcast And I'm like that was my opinion before But god damn it That's what comedy is too It's all the same Sometimes someone nails something you're like fuck that's how i feel right but i never thought we were listening in the car to a uh

louis ck bit we were going to atlantic city over the weekend for a gig and louis this bit where he shits on goodwill hunting and i like that movie but he shits on it in a way where i'm like fuck that's so true it's amazing when someone nails it yeah have you heard that bit no i don't want to hear it i love goodwill hunting that's so true. It's amazing when someone nails it. Have you heard that bit? No, I don't want to hear it. I love Good Will Hunting. That's why it's good, though. It's just writing yourself this character where he's like, he's a blue collar and a construction worker, but he's a genius.

And he gets into fights and people are like, stop. And all the people at the school have been working their whole life. They're like, he's smarter than me. You just make that for yourself. I mean, it's an insanely funny observation. Now that you say I have heard that bit, I think I intentionally buried it.

Yeah. Sometimes I'll love a movie and someone will break down why it's a bad movie. I'm like, but I still like it. I don't want to hear that. Your points are valid, but I'm just going to ignore them. Yeah, but I still, the movie, sometimes a movie or a song just hits you at the right time too like i'll re-watch a movie that i'm like i know this is bad but i saw it when i was like 11 and i loved it yeah and i still

same with the song totally it's fuck you i like third eye blind i don't give a shit i like their song smash mouth too i like i like a lot of their songs What's the Third Eye Blind song The fucking one About killing everybody I love that song Oh jeez I don't know Killing everybody Yeah he like

Well there's the He poisons the girl's coke So she starts I don't know this one She starts bleeding red He shoots like his teacher's kid It's a fucking great song I didn't know anybody

Listens to Third Eye Blind More than Semi-Charmed Life And Step Back From That Legend Oh yeah They got a few They got a few They got a couple Yeah dude Third Eye Blind more than Semi-Charmed Life and Step Back From That Ledge. Oh, yeah. They got a few. They got a couple. Yeah, dude. Third Eye Blind's fucking awesome.

I'm not going to find it, but it is. I'm out. Look at my phone. What? No, it's fucking. No, that's like a cheerful song. You don't even know Semi-Charmed Life. Isn't it always weird when someone breaks down to you what a song means, though, and you're just like,

that song's about murdering the whole school? I've been dancing to that song for years. What's that song? Pumped up kicks? That's like about a school shooting, right? That's a bad one. I'm like, fuck. That's going on right now.

People are just dancing. Everyone from bar mitzvahs to weddings to whatever, everyone's singing a pedophile song with Kendrick Lamar's song. Whoa. It's like he's calling Drake a pedophile. But it's catchy though. And everyone's going, certified pedophile. It's like crazy. But that's howophile. But it's catchy, though. And everyone's going, certified pedophile.

It's like crazy. But that's how good a song it is. I know. If it's catchy, it does not matter. There was literally bar mitzvahs of boys and girls. Do you remember Let's Get Retarded? Yes. That was like, I mean, I can't believe, literally grandparents were like, let's get retarded.

The best part of that song is the very beginning. Let's get retarded. The way Fergie harmonizes it in the beginning, she's like, let's get retarded in here. The ultimate luck that the word started exists, and they just flipped it out. Get it started. You can't find the retarded song anymore.

It is gone, gone. That really upsets me, though. It's like the way we have to pretend things didn't exist. Let's just say, hey, sometimes there's a misstep. The fact that I can't find the It's Always Sunny Blackface episode. Yeah, that sucks. Shows will do that where you're like, God, there's another one. There was another classic.

I want to do a list of all the things that have been buried. Yeah. I mean, we're going to act like it never happened. The Ringer was, I don't know if that's buried or blacked out or you can still find that but the ringer was one where when it came out it i think it was like praised by special olympics and people with down syndrome this one with johnny knoxville yeah yeah yeah now i think it's considered that movie yeah you know that's why they liked it and it was like well same with all those fairly bothered movies they always cast uh you know mentally challenged people in their movies but there it's always there was always a sweetness around it but uh bob dylan still says the n word

in hurricane so i think if it's really good we keep it now he actually yeah now he says it even harder for some reason i don't know it's weird but it's louder on my version i have what was there was this comedian, Jesse Pop, with a really funny bit about... Remember when they were censoring Huck Finn? Yeah. And they were like, no more, you know, they say N-word Jim

instead of the actual N-word, you know? And he goes, how about just Jim? That was the best take I heard on that. It's always so annoying when someone breaks it down. You're like, fuck, you found it. So wait, this one I saw the other day. It's Eric Clapton.

I didn't know about this. This is like one of my favorite quotes. When he drops the N-word in Tears of Heaven? I was going to say, when did he say? It was like a Reddit thread about people who were like genuinely bad people, not people who did a bad thing or whatever it was. And I had no idea. I know my mom's a big Eric Clapton fan. I don't know a ton about him.

Is he a bad dude? Not necessarily. He did steal George Harrison's wife. Oh, did he really? That's Layla. Layla is – it's not her real name, but Layla, he's – that's his – and then George Harrison was so cool. They're just like, it's rock and roll, man. It's like you just fuck your friend's wife. It's like that's his and then George Harrison was so cool they're just like it's rock and roll man you know like it's like you just

fuck your friend's wife it's like that's not bad I'm like no I stole her and then married her and he's like nah it's cool man you know

they were just like I guess if you're a beetle you'll bounce back yeah you'll be fine it's not like you just like fuck your friend's wife and you're like no I'm just alone now

you know George Harrison's gonna be okay this is when he goes it's a little it's a little long so bear with me because uh do we have any foreigners in the audience tonight if so please put your hands up so where are you well wherever you are i think you should all leave now just leave the hall leave our country i don't want you here in the room or in my country listen to me man

i think we should we should vote for enoch powell enoch's our man i think enoch's right i think we just send them all back. Stop Britain becoming a black country. I used to be into dope. Now I'm into racism. That's Clapton? That's Eric Clapton? He must be being sarcastic or ironic.

He doesn't mean that, does he? I don't know. That's the first I've ever heard of it. I used to be into dope. Now I'm into racism. It's an all-time line. Damn. it check i used to be down into racism is it all timeline damn that is that's i i pray that's tongue-in-cheek holy yeah you can't be that crazy i mean some of those guys you don't realize they're like like i remember growing up the eric clapton unplugged album like came out in like the early

90s yeah and my parents listened to that and so in my mind eric claptune was like this like i don't know lame acoustic guitar yeah yeah right then you find out he's like fuck it like when i heard the real version of leila he's one of the greatest guitarists he's like this rock and roll badass i'm like yeah he's probably fucking kind of crazy too but that's that's real yeah It's an all-time line. I'm going to make a shirt. Must be. Norman used to always have the bit about being racist.

It must be exhausting. You just hate. You live in a fucking city like New York City. New York? You watch sports? Imagine watching. You're a basketball fan and you're racist? Yeah.

That's a brutal time. Yeah, you just got to root for fucking Scal you just gotta root for fucking scalabrini yeah put scalabrini in dude i was i was in france this weekend and i actually like i was thinking that the french are like the last people who are allowed to be openly not necessarily racist but xenophobic they're every bit the cunts they're brought up to be but like we were going trying to go to restaurants and like they would just be like no like there's a there's like they're like no we're full yeah i do kind of appreciate that too the french were the people that were like at first we're like we're laughing at the me too movement here they had the not me movement yeah they're like fuck you i mean i mean

the i'm playing france uh really in september i'm doing like a whole euro tour i'm fucking pumped hell the first time doing it um you've done it I've done like I've played like Dublin I've played London I've never done like a full like stretch of Euro big I'm hitting a lot

man tickets slow in Sweden I didn't plan on playing Sweden on a Monday I'm like do we do we route this properly some of these

Norway, Sweden are kind of rough Amsterdam's already sold out we're like adding an Amsterdam which like that's like uh that's funny i've never played there i've heard they're they're good comedy crowds the uh or yeah

it's so funny they're just known for like the red light district whores bicycles and the anne frank house that's the anne frank house sucks i'm gonna go bro it is yeah you'll probably you know you'll maybe have a connection with it but the i't even know about that, but I feel like people are like, what do you do there? And you're like, whores. I'm too old. I got to go to the Anne Frank house. I like caught a glimpse. To be fair, I didn't like go in and do the whole experience because when I got there, it's like an apartment building.

And maybe that's on me for not thinking like properly about it. But like, I was like, this just looks like. What did you expect? Where do you think she was hiding? Well, it looks it looks like you know i wanted this to be a sports arena but i thought it was gonna have like more of a historical look to it and i was like this just looks like my apartment in like murray hill really it's just like a regular ass building i'm sure they had to like modernize it in some ways just because but i was like uh okay i'm still gonna go i think yeah amsterdam amsterdam we went with burt last year that's right i saw that in you guys it was it was crazy but was that

only last year i think it was last january so a year and a half yeah um the i had no idea like how gorgeous it was i i knew it as the party city and it was red light district whores all that good stuff we got there i was like this is the most fucking beautiful place I've ever seen in my life. It's so old. So it has like, you know, there's shit from like 400 years ago. Some of the architecture or whatever. It's crazy. The streets, the waterways, all that is like old.

I wish I had more time there. I'm like kind of all over the place. I'm kind of just a new city pretty much every other day or so. So I don't have a ton of time it's crazy which sucks but like it's it's cool to do all this shit

there's actually like a lot of cool shit but it's also just it's just gorgeous to see if you just take a walk it'll be it'll be fine although when I was there

I went I liked it so much that when we went with Bert I was supposed to go on vacation like a month later with my mom and my brother and we were supposed to go to Iceland and we changed that to Amsterdam to go back and like in that time we got to travel a bar I

forget why I'm saying this I forgot what I said that did you enjoy it more than when you were partying with no yeah did you know you can get tickets to Luke Combs at MetLife for 150 bucks right now you can get Copa America tickets around 250 bucks you can get all of America tickets for about $250. You can get all of that thanks to GameTime. It is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. Buying tickets should not be a hard thing to do. It should be very easy.

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You'll get $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply, but it has the lowest prices guaranteed. I'm going to get my Luke Gomes tickets right now. I will be there July 19th. I'm going to see The Strike July 20th. Go get game time tickets. That's what I do. That's what you should do.

There's a reason I said that. That fully loaded tour was pretty crazy. You just got off that, right? Yeah. I wanted to actually go. I was going to go back just on my own dime because I had so much fun. So I was going to just meet them in maryland but uh i i had like apartment stuff i had to deal with this week but uh dude i mean it's some ice water plunges we're doing ice baths yeah he's got a portable ice bath

and i'm like this is hilarious he bought a personal trainer yeah he bought a portable sauna the first night bobby lee fell off the top bunk which like not he fucked up his face right yeah it's not you have to like skip a gig he went home yeah i think oh yeah that's what he was he like posted like i won't be at the fully loaded tour because i kept complaining about being the top bunk and it's almost like there was two things there's like one like that's a bad sign with someone keep because i'm like i wasn't happy to be in the top bunk either but i'm like that's i mean i've done the tour bus stuff before yeah yeah uh was it like a like did something crazy happen with the bus or he just like no i think he tried to get back up and he just did you got to do it like

rock climbing you got to get like three points of contact it's like you know you got to make sure because the bus is moving so yeah yeah oh my god birch fucking bus driver had a heart attack so many things went wrong i'm like is this final destination are they getting us so yeah wait bobby lee was laying in his bed and fell or the other best yeah getting into no no he was trying to get in but the other best part is bob they told bobby not to post a tour picture because he had the they were like just make just clear it with everyone to make sure you can post it yeah because i think they have like a rollout i have no idea why but one of bert's uh tour people was like bobby don't post it and he goes i'm posting it and they go bobby something bad will happen i'm like why did he have to say

that because then he did that and i mean the group of comics were so amazing it was like first night it was like david tell who just won't go to sleep so he's he does he's like i don't like sleeping on the tour bus i'll just stay up and get to the hotel it's like okay we're not getting there till 9 a.m dave just changed smoking in the main room on the bus. Hanging out. And I'm like, I love that Dave Attell exists. He's just the coolest. Wait, so who else was there?

Dave Attell, you, Bobby Lee? The first night, yeah. Bird, obviously. Yeah, Dave and Bobby were only there the first night. Bobby was supposed to be there every night with me, so I was bummed we lost Bobby. But yeah, we had uh soda big jay okerson um kelsey cook chad daniels uh kyle canane yeah you said a tell jelly roll the

yeah singer who's like on fire right now yeah bro when he started the one he did in new york it was it was very similar plus like rosebud and tiffany haddish and uh yeah and i mean like soda was like the sun was still out when soda was on because there's so many main acts i got i was on late every night but those outdoor gigs like comedy just even though the crowds are great they're like comedy just not it's not but but i honestly at least for like the modern era you know because you know there's so many great comics from the past, but the acts he puts together, I'm like, these are the greatest comedy setups ever. I mean, if you catch one of those shows,

you are genuinely catching one of the greatest comedy lineups ever every time you see Fully Loaded. It was pretty cool. And yeah, I mean, we were in cool cities too. Savannah George is awesome. Did West Palm. Never been to Daytona Beach. We're going surfing.

Oh, that's so good for the Fully Loaded Tour. There's certain cities that fit Bert and the Fully Loaded Tour. That's wild. The problem is a lot of the comics on this tour are sober now or they're potheads. And I'm like, I still drink. And I'm not going crazy, but you want someone to have a cocktail with. Yeah, yeah. I'm grateful, you know, a couple people next to me.

There's a few people. But, you know, Canaan doesn't drink anymore. And he was like a real drinker. I didn't really know him well when he did. It's bad when you when you lose all your well it's good it's good for their health it's bad for my social anxiety it's good for them to live a little longer but uh you know uh yeah i mean i don't know david tell when he drank thank i mean uh you know he'd be dead if he still drank yeah yeah but uh yeah soda j they're all smoking weed and they're smoking jelly rolls weed, which like this is like this is like rapper weed. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what you are. So Bert's like, you should try. I'm like, dude, you're I've never seen you fucked up. Although actually, that's not last time I hung out with Bert. I did because I was supposed to be on. Apparently, they wanted me on Fully Loaded last year and it's just never like

agent shit is so annoying when it doesn't get through because I'm like yeah I wanted to be here last year I was like my feelings were hurt that I wasn't on it unless it was Stavi and Norman I'm like I want to be here but uh wait wait wait so back it up so he like told somebody go get Sam and then that

just like never got to you i think his manager and my agent hate each other and i think something happened there but like i love my agent i'm sick with my agent you know yeah yeah so uh yeah but we ended up that's crazy i did something's burning with bird and rick flair and i was and i that's that's what we kind of like fixed like figured it out because you know i'm bringing my whiskey on air i got i'm making us boulevardiers and that's when we kind of like figured it out. Because, you know, I'm bringing my whiskey on air. I'm making us boulevardiers. And that's a cooking show. So I showed up on an empty stomach.

So I'm like, oh, this could – you don't even think about it. You're like, I'm pretty drunk, you know. And Bert's like just pounding. He's not been drinking as much. He's down like 45 pounds. We're getting fucked up. And the food – I'm like, where's that food? This is like my fourth drink.

I need food. And by the food, I'm like, where's that food? This is like my fourth drink. I need food. And by the end, I was bombed. I just remember like Bert and I like laughing like too much at the end. And then like he pours me another drink. We're just getting more fucked up. We're hanging out. All I know is I saw Jim Norton the next time I saw him. And he goes, man, that was such a nice video you and Bert made for me.

And I was like, Lord knows what the fuck we sent you. But Bert was like, yeah, it's just something about how much we love him or something. I was like, oh, okay. I was like lord knows what the fuck we sent you you know like but yeah burt was like yeah there's just something how much we love him or someone's like oh okay i was like we were bombed and then and then burt was like why weren't you on the tour like i was bummed you weren't on the tour and i was like i was bummed i didn't get asked so we just figured it out and then of course my agent's like you know burt's like can i have his number i'm like sure and my agent's like why are you and burt drunkenly messaging me i I'm like, because we're drunk. Yeah. You figured this out, sir. You explained it.

You explained the situation. Dude, I was puking all night. It was one of those, like, fuck, I drank weight. But then it's like, that sounds about right. Like, where have you been? I was with Burt Kreischer and Ric Flair. Yeah, you should be fucked up. You should be puking.

Yeah, you should be bummed. You missed an opportunity. When we did Something's Burning, I also drank too much. And we were supposed to do, after Something's Burning, I also drank too much. And we were supposed to do, after Something's Burning, we were supposed to be interviewing Adriana Cechik, the porn star. Oh, yeah, she's awesome. And it fell through. But as we were leaving, I was like the drunk level and confidence level

of walking out of Bert's house, going to the hotel to interview Adriana. And I was like, think about the fuck Adriana Cechik. It's going to happen. It's happened people other people what's happened for you got a shot yeah i'm not an uber driver but we'll see what happens dude you know you know when i was driving there the guy who picked me up in the in the car was like a uh like a sweet guy from haiti was like couldn't have been cooler he was like i'm a big comedy fan i was like oh hell yeah and we like had a great conversation and then when he picked me up afterwards i was a different person so i was just like and he was just like uh yeah i was just i was fucking i felt bad but you know that's that's when you need a car you know you ruined comedy for him

dude but yeah there's something i mean i've had those nights with burt where you just get hammered like that. There's certain comedians, like, they're almost at a place in time where you're like, oh, this is like what I heard about Jackie Gleason. Yeah, yeah, no. Everyone's like, and it's good that people are in their health now. You don't want people to drop dead. But I do kind of miss, like, I remember opening for Jim Jefferies, like, back in the day and just drinking with him and being like, this guy's had 15 drinks before the show. Yeah. And he still put on a great show.

I feel like if this era of like golden era of comedy happened 20, 30 years ago, maybe when things aren't so much health consciousness where you're watching David Goggins run a million miles and learn about ice baths and all that shit, this level of talent making this level of money succeeding this much where everybody was still like let's get fucked up and not worry about our health a lot of deaths it would probably be a lot of deaths but there would also be right before

those deaths it would be like this is unbelievable like some rat pack shit you feel like you like i like when i remember when i was growing up, I loved Californication. That's what artists were to me and all that shit. And I've stopped drinking so much, too. What, you mean Red Hot Chili Peppers? No, no, no. The show with David Duhamel. Oh, yeah, that was a fun show. With Hank Moody.

And I was like, that's a fucking artist and a writer. Yeah, he was trying to be like Bukowski or something. Yeah, he's brooding. That was a dicey subplot, though, that first season. With the girl? He fucks the underage girl. He makes the shit out of her. This is the good guy?

I remember when we first interviewed him, I was like, yeah, in some ways I kind of identify with Hank Moody. And he was like, you shouldn't. I forgot that he's an actor and he's not that guy. No, but I get what you mean, though. Minus the underage girl. Yeah. I mean, he was like though. Yeah. But he, like, he's kind of a. Minus the underage girls. Yeah. I mean, he was, like, a fun party. I mean, it's, like, kind of cool to be.

Yeah. A writer who just is. Right. There's so much romantic about that. Being, like, an artist who's, like. Driving a Porsche. Depressed and drunk. And I was like, got your kid, your ex-wife.

It's a fun place to visit. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to live with it. But now that I've, like, kind of, like stopped drinking so much and and try and be a little healthier sometimes i feel like such a fucking poser i'm like you're such a loser these people actually are depressed my friend nick griffin has a great joke where they say uh you know they they say to live every day like it's your last so i've been crying a lot lately

it's a great fucking joke but i mean you know i i think about that like we do romanticize misery yeah like for some reason like it's more poignant when someone's miserable but then i've heard people make the point like i love leonard cone and i heard him say like they were like do you need to be depressed to create great music and he's like no the depression was like killing me right i made this in spite of the depression yes yes people say that about comedy too right like if i stop drinking i'm not gonna be funny and it's like i i think you'll probably be smarter and better gotta be one though who stopped drinking and he was like fuck i'm like an accountant now this sucks there's gotta be one but i know what

you mean yeah i heard like nobody also nobody likes the like rise and grind guys today's gonna be like a hundred percent like nobody likes that fucking guy positivity can be so corny it can it can be corny and it can feel tone deaf too yeah you want to read the room and and no one wants to hear a comic who's just winning right well that's why i be winners i do think there is something to when you get rich and famous as a comic there's more of a that's more dicey i would think than i stopped drinking and partying that's a great because a great point you are you are just funnier and have better stories and you're easier to root for and all that shit when you are scraping by and you're sleeping on couches and you're living the everyday blue collar shit like you just identify with with

people can relate to you more you know that is true but the movie back to school which is one of my favorite comedies of all time they originally wrote him as a poor guy and then they're like would be really funny if he could just buy whatever he wanted yeah so there is humor in that for sure yeah but you just can't be like you have to be like well what you start throwing your wealth around in a way that it's like, oh, we don't like that. The job of the comic is to relate to their audience. So yeah, when you lose that, I think – I mean, it's to make them laugh. But also you've got to relate to them.

So yeah, I think once you become – I mean, look, my new special is called You've Changed. That's the other thing too. You have to be honest. So it's like – You want to keep a – yeah, you want to – and you want friends who will know you want to keep a uh yeah you want to you want to and you want friends who will call you out when you're being an ass yeah yeah i i can always tell when a comic doesn't have enough comic friends by the by their posts by their behavior i'm like man you need a friend to be like dude what the fuck are you doing right and you're right about i think

getting too rich because like yeah we didn't get into this thinking we'd succeed right so i think when some people start to blow up they're like oh, oh, shit, I'm going to do. And also you kind of get to become the asshole you always wanted. Yeah. Yeah. You know, which it's harder to be that asshole when you have nothing. Yeah. When you have access.

That's what Portnoy always said, because people were like, you've changed, man. You used to be like the everyman. And now you're like, it's rich asshole. And he was like, no, no, no. I was always that guy. I just didn't have the money to act like that. Now i have the money so i could just be my regular self i was like you really are an asshole uh but the only thing worse than somebody who just like flosses and flaunts their wealth is the guy who has wealth and is like lying about it you know what i mean

it's like don't don't try to play that card. I know, you know, I remember Tom's girl being like, look around. I sold out this place. Like obviously things are going pretty good, you know? Yeah. So let's not,

let's not pretend. I think, was it Richard Pryor said that like, you can be as funny as honest as you are honest or something like that. And I think that's true until it's like, why do you private jet here? Well, fuck off.

Yeah. You don't need, you know, being honest doesn't mean you need to tell us everything. Yeah. I think it's like something do a private jet here well fuck off dude yeah you don't need being honest doesn't mean you need to tell us everything yeah yeah yeah some things can stay secret you're right it's like something about

a private jet it's hard to write jokes in a private jet yeah you know I mean like tour bus at least it's expensive it's a big expense

but at least it's a kind of a grungy style of living yeah you're sleeping in bunks does feel like adult summer camp a little bit yeah

I always say New York City does help you because even if you're making a lot of money you still live like you're making a lot of money, you still live like a fucking animal. Yeah. Even rich people live like the same way poor people live here. Yeah. I remember fucking Bloomberg would ride the subway.

Yeah, it's crazy. This guy's a billionaire. Yeah. A big billionaire. I think it's one. A lot of that was for show, but it is actually the easiest way to get around. Yeah. No, I don't care how rich you are. When you like i gotta get cross town in 45 minutes and if i get in a car

it's gonna be two hours yeah i'm getting on the l or whatever but we were in uh austin and we met at tom and bert's uh vodka launch and so they you know they roll with like literally billionaires and this guy was talking about his penthouse that he got on like 28th and 3rd and i was like i i lived on 28th and 3rd like growing up like you you probably have like a hundred million dollar piece of property and we walk out and like bump into each other you know what i mean and i used to have homeless people sitting in my fucking stuff i was homeless people looking at you like holy shit this guy this guy just walked out of his home. This guy's amazing.

But, no, I know what you mean. It's crazy. But that's kind of what I think keeps New Yorkers, like, cohesive is that, like, there is a togetherness no matter what. Like, we are all in it. We're all in line at the coffee shop together.

We're all, you know, getting our, you know, we're all on CVS together. Yeah, you really do still have those interactions and shit. Like, I would imagine if you make it in LA, you move, on CVS together. Yeah, you really do still have those interactions and shit. Like, I would imagine if you make it in L.A., you move to a certain neighborhood, and you're in, like, a cul-de-sac, and you don't go anywhere. In a lot of other places, like L.A., you're, like,

look, I know some people that probably like that style because you get to kind of, like, be alone with your thoughts, but, like, traffic just stresses me out. I also can't fucking drive, as you guys know. I know. I still want to, like, see it. I want to, like, set up a driving... traffic just stresses me out yeah i also can't fucking drive as you guys know i know you i still want to like see it i want to like i want to like set up a driving norman wants to challenge a video where he teaches me to drive yeah that'd be great i was like because there's there's like you're not

a good driver and like i can't drive it's the same thing as like i can't swim and like i will drown if i if i get it yeah you know what i mean? Which one is it? Can you swim? Yes. I can swim too. I got in a pool this weekend. Cool. Three minutes. It had no shallow end. Three minutes. Got out. Gas.

Yeah. I was in it. I jumped in, and I was treading water. It's the best feeling. I was like, hey, where's the shallow end? There isn't one.

What kind of pool doesn't have any shallow end? I don't know. I still think what Diane and I did is one of the most impressive athletics. Insane. Even though Cubans do it. What was that?

She swam from Cuba to Florida, I believe. Oh, really? Yeah. What is it, 61 miles? Took her a few tries, but she fucking did it. I think she also swam the English Channel or something like that. I was going to say, I knew someone swam that. She's done some crazy shit, and she was like 61 when she did it.

Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong with the miles. I don't know the actual, because that doesn't sound right. And that's like shark-infested waters and all sorts of shit dude that would suck so much the the ocean is kind of like the only thing that really scares me really i'm not scared of heights i've gone skydiving like all that stuff is fine with me but the like if i i've tried to scuba twice and both times like the second i got fully submerged i like started having a panic i don't like the idea of skydiving this but sky the thing with skydiving that's fucking and and this might turn you off to it even more is like if something goes wrong i just die

i'm fine with that like sales pitch that's it like i'm not gonna there's not some medical emergency where i'm gonna like be a vegetable there's not some medical emergency where I'm going to, like, be a vegetable. I don't know, dude. I just die. There might be some way where, like, you know, the parachute kind of works and then, like, whips off. So you make it down, like, to 100 feet and then you fucking just break a hip and a face. That's, I've convinced myself that that's, because I'm actually skydiving again next month. I've convinced myself that that's impossible. I think it's clearly very possible.

But I've just been like, look, if it goes wrong, I just die. I don't like the idea of almost killing myself. The same reason I don't do autoerotic asphyxiation. I don't like the idea of flirting with death. Do you think there are guys who try that and they go, nah, it wasn't for me? Autoerotic asphyxiation? I feel like if you do it you know you're gonna be into it you know i don't think there's many guys who are like david carradine

he was one of those guys yeah as he was dying wrong choice by the way uh she swam it was 110 miles from from key west to cuba 61 that's like 64 64 and it was her fifth attempt and the other people the jellyfish things too yeah well so there's only three people have done it and the first people used the shark cage one guy had fins on and took breaks on his like an escort boat how the fuck do you think about how much water you have to drink too i guess you just you just pee like and what do you do for like i mean do you do like protein shakes? What are you doing in there? No idea.

She used a protective jellyfish suit, shark divers, and electronic shark repellents. So she was literally, I mean, unassisted. We just listed all the things that assisted her. But the other people were, like, inside a cage and had boats. She actually just, like, swam. How do you swim inside a cage? I think they move that with the boat. They kind of drag it? Well, I just fucking sit back there. Yeah, just let it pull me in. That's why I think some of the first and they kind of drag it probably well I just fucking sit back there

yeah just let it pull me that's why I think some of the first ones were kind of bullshit so I think I remember writing a blog about this woman

being like I'm not impressed I'm impressed I mean just to not of course I mean of course the thing about not looking at your phone that long

even that is hard I mean it's it's impressive last night my flight didn't have wifi and it was like seven hours, no phone. And it was actually amazing.

It was so – It's amazing when you're not hungover. When I'm hungover, I need distractions and shit. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, if you're not hungover, dude, bring a fucking book, and you're like, this is the best – I mean, this is – no one can bother me. Yeah, that's what I've grown to love about planes. I still like to watch shit and have my phone and all that, but'm like i just always worry about everything i'm worried about work i'm worried about my kids i gotta do this i gotta do that and when you're in the air it's like none of that can

even happen yeah even i wanted to there's the new york post just wrote an article 15 year old steve sent it to me that they're calling it raw dogging oh this is mccusker mccusker did what i think mccusker coined it raw dog in a flight yeah that's fucking great i saw him go to it yesterday yeah so i i guess uh like the there was like a girl on tiktok who said it and that one kind of went viral so that's the video they had but yeah it was like uh she filmed the amount of people whose screens just had the the flying yeah track yeah and they were just like sitting there staring um it is she was like i'm on a five hour flight and these guys are just looking at just looking

at the back yeah it's like just the guy thinks i believe that's definitely there is no fucking way a girl would ever do that there's so many things like like it used to be like guys have dicks and girls have vaginas now that doesn't even. Now you can't even see that anymore. But what you can say is a girl will never just be able to sit there and look at the fucking back of a seat for five hours. It's got to be an old lady or something. A young woman will never. Never.

I would say my mom. I'd be shocked if I got on a plane and my mom did anything. They usually read and read in a book or something. It's funny how cyclical everything is because like that's a new bit it seems or not a bit but a trend like this was seinfeld when putty when elaine like breaks up with putty because he's like no i'm fine yeah and he's like just sitting there on the plane yeah and he's like do you want a book he's like no i'm good and like the simpsons already did it seinfeld already yeah it's already happened

i i uh i love when i can just i that's like why i bring a book like in case like it's i get tempted with like work stuff usually but like man if i if you just read a book on a flight you feel so fucking good about it yeah yeah well that's the thing you get this inherent self-worth thing which i read i read 20 pages you feel positive positive. I don't know why, though. Who fucking cares if it's like you're reading something on the internet on your phone versus reading these pages of a book, but there is something different.

The phone, I just feel like, is worse for your eyes. That's the same reason I don't even use a fucking Kindle anymore. I was doing a Kindle for a while because I like the idea that people don't know what I'm reading. You got some trash on there. It doesn't matter. my friend wrote a book called how to be black and i felt fucking weird as hell reading that on the subway this guy barrett turned a thirst and he's a great guy but i was like you know he's a friend i want to support him and read the book but you look like a real jerk yeah yeah you do i was like what am i doing, but I love when you...

I mean, I just love the idea of just actual... I like magazines. I still like... I'm with you 100%. And it's hard to find. I get bummed that you can't find a newspaper at a newsstand anymore because I love the idea. I wanted to just...

I actually wanted during the Knicks playoff run, I was like, fuck, I got to find some of these because these will be like cool collector's items. Yeah, the back pages, man. It was always a thing. But in like 20 years, those are going to be like absolutely completely gone yeah yeah it's like it's like a little piece of art almost i used to know like i wanted to guess what the headlines were going to be and you see what the pictures they used i i used to like get the post and the

daily news when i was first working and commuting into the city and like would sit there with a big ass would you really yeah yeah my hands would be all inky and shit nice a lot of times my dad would like read you know read it and then like pass it to me it was like i would you know we would split a fucking paper on the on the train ride it's kind of fun you they are absurd though when people are you know usually they kind of like fold it down to you know whatever so you're just reading like but there would be people like holding like this no spatial awareness is an all-time peeve like especially in this city No spatial awareness is an all time peeve. Especially in this city.

It's like, come on, we have as little space as possible as is. And now you got your backpack on or your arms are out or whatever. It's like, geez, give me a break. You mentioned the Knicks run.

How, how important do you think that is? It's obviously not important. That's not the right word, but like how much growth do you see in like your ticket sales with how much success they have because i feel like yeah i feel like you're like the next guy i feel like you're on a bunch of you're on so you're on levitard you go on like a bunch of like sports shows have you on the amount of hate i get from those appearances that's like a florida show i know it's national but like the heat oh my god i yeah i uh i last time when i went there

the amount of philly people just trashing me. I'm like, fuck, can I play Philly again? But then you go to the next round with Indiana. Their Twitter was like nothing. Philly's like doxing my family. Indiana's doing like, oh, this is easy. But Philly, I think the Knicks put a real chink in the armor of Philly as a sports town. With the taking over of Wells Fargo.

That was crazy. That was nuts. I'm mad I didn't go to that game. I should have gone. Having your opposing fans chant, like, fuck MB and let's go Knicks. MVP chance for the other guy. They fired us up by the way he was playing, though,

because he's such a great player. But when he started doing some of those dirty shit. I think it was game three when he started doing some of those dirty shit yeah yeah I think it was game three when he started doing like you know kicked Hardenstein the nuts

and when he grabbed Mitchell Robinson's leg Mitchell was jumping like yeah Mitchell Robinson I was that's when we were like this guy's dirty

yeah no that was a that was a bad series because I thought Nick's like tough play like we like tough play

but you're dirty you're trying to hurt players there's an honor amongst you know thieves in a way where it's like you do it the right way. The fans got exposed, and I thought that was a horrible series for Embiid. As well as he played at times, it was like, oh, you are a dirty bitch. You play like a dirty bitch on the court. And I still respect his greatness, but yeah, I don't really like this guy.

And also he's tired at the fourth quarter of every game. He was hurt. He definitely was hurt. Yeah, but he's always, you know, like you're not like this. And also he's tired at the fourth quarter of every game. And he was hurt. You're not. He definitely. Yeah. But he's always, you know, like, you're not going to. You're not going to. Shane Gillis was writing me just hateful text.

He was like, he was a fucking worst. And then he saw me. He goes, oh, I was so fucking mad at your dumb tweets. He's getting so mad and something, something anti-Semitic. I don't know. But then he was like, you fucking. He's like, and B was hurt. I go, when has he not been hurt

and it's not gonna stop happening as you get older it's only gonna get worse he's the fucking worst he I swear to god he only watches the Phillies just to fucking

bother me about every time it's Mets Phillies like I'm not even I'm not even what's his number one Philly team the Eagles

yeah yeah yeah every time it's like ball in the glove, strike three, game over. Like, immediately, Mets are gay, Phillies are good. That's it. Mets are gay, Phillies are good. And then the Mets will win the next game. The sports shit-talking part of his brain hasn't grown since he was like 13.

It's the same thing as when you're in like seventh grade and then the mets will win and i'll say something back he goes baseball's gay dude i don't give a shit it's so frustrating i was a game two when when divincenzo hit the amazing three yeah i was courtside for that game with my buddy Chase. We're fucking courtside. We're like, you know, 30-something seconds left. We're like, tough loss, tough loss. Like, game's over. And then somehow, you know, we get the fucking steal. It was like a Reggie Miller type shot.

Pass out to DiVincenzo. Misses the first. Takes his. No hesitation. I fucking love those guys. The fact that he took that second shot, no problem. Like, you just bricked it. You're not thinking to yourself, oh, no.

He's money. Shooter's shoot, baby. And then Hardenstein could get not only the rebound in the pass, but also gets the block to win the game. Yes, the block. I love that guy. And then he's like, get the fuck out of here. Oh, he's amazing.

I'm not a basketball guy, so I'm not the guy to know. But I followed along with the Celtics playoff run. And I'm watching like you know luke adonjik i've obviously heard of him but i you know i couldn't tell you anyone else on the mavericks tyree's halibur and i saw when you guys are playing now i was like i have no idea who the fuck that indiana was pretty still pretty blah you look at like denver and yokich you know yeah i think indiana enjoyed winning that because we were so crippled yeah team it's like yeah you won but like we had no one it sucks i mean they were down like five guys it's they were playing

like their ninth tenth and eleventh guys off the bench it just sucks og tried to play and he just i know i know uh josh josh hardhead what do you think of their podcast have you listened to it i i have i don't listen to the whole episodes, but I watch all the little short clips. They're very funny together. I love them. I mean, they've been... What a dream scenario. It's like a Saved by the Bell type script where they all stay together forever. You know what I mean?

College years? Yeah, college years. And now the NBA years. You win a title together and then you... We watched that at some point. It's so bad. It's so bad. It might be the worst thing i've ever seen

in my life like i'm shocked really screech is like such a hateable character on that show he's not even like you know hardest to be like the hateable nerd everyone loves the nerds i just saw a clip the other day of when steve urkel is turning back from stefan urkel yeah yeah it's like the greatest acting I've ever seen. He's doing this twitching shit, and he keeps going back and forth between the lines, and I was like, this guy, Jaleel White,

what an actor, man. What an actor. Yeah, what the hell? Why didn't he get more work? That guy was fucking great. He was probably completely typecast as Steve Urkel. He was good on that shit. That whole cast was good.

The dad was great. Oh, the dad was unbelievable. Dad's a diehard. He got some other stuff. Yeah. I would imagine a lot of people were like, we can't cast you.

Everyone's going to think you're Steve Urkel. That fucking sucks. You know who said that recently? Joffrey. He was like, I quit.

He's like, I think he retired from acting. Really? Because he was just like, I was not, yeah. First like shitty king. Really? I could see you not,

I could see you being like, I bet I would like it. You think so? Maybe Yeah. I never saw Game of Thrones. First shitty king. Really? I should watch it. I could see you not. I could see you being like. No, I bet I would like it. You think so? Maybe not. I don't know. No, people love it, though. Yeah. It seems to be a lot more, because I didn't really jump on House of Dragons, and I've

been saying, House of Dragon, whatever it is, and I've been saying, if it becomes a cultural thing, I'll start watching again. Yeah. And I didn't realize. It seems like it is. I think it's. Twitter every Sunday night is full of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah i think we're back to at least we're like you know it's that's a good show the new one yeah well so the first season crown right yes um yeah i forgot

his name but yes the um the first season is fucking fire and i when i watched the first time i was like this is good we did a podcast about it i re-watched it leading into the second season where i was like focused and like not falling asleep on the couch on sunday night like that sort of shit and i was like this is great and then the premiere was good and then we're only two episodes in the sec this last episode felt a little like game of thrones season eight where they were just like kind of throwing things together and i was like, that was not scary. By the end everyone was like you gotta watch it and after every episode

they'd be like, that was the worst shit I've ever seen. I'd be like, alright. They had a weird run where it was like every fucking episode and every season was great and then it was just a screeching halt. But they didn't have the books anymore. As soon as they didn't have the books the show started to suck. I don't fucking

surprise them. These are back to the books. You know what my new show is that I love and I just finished it and I can't wait for the new season. Have you seen this show Slow Horses? Oh, dude. That's my shit. With old Gary Oldman? I love it. Although I don't like his farting. I don't like why he's so flatulent.

Why are you so flatulent is a great line. I love... He's so flatulent. Why are you so flatulent is a great line. I love... That's like... He's so funny on it, though. Is it a continuous series? It's like new people. I mean, he's there, right?

No, no, no. It's the same people every time? It's the same cast. Dude, it's killer. Yeah, I love it. It's just good writing, man. It's like... And that's a book series.

Just grab a good book series. Yeah, just stick with it. Just stay with the books, man. KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, comparison is a thief of joy, but it is very, very easy to envy other people's lives, particularly nowadays with social media, Instagram, all that. You can spend all day scrolling,

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You can stop comparing, start focusing with BetterHelp. All you have to do is visit BetterHelp.com slash KFC, and you'll get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash KFC, 10% off your first month. The Bodega Cat. Yeah. Bro, I think we were bothering on here somewhere. Yeah. I didn't realize.

We're at the Comedy Cell didn't realize we're at the comedy cellar now we're at the stand i think new york comedy club was it in the new york times recently or no that you're making up i think you put up it's not at times but it's something like of that caliber we got written up one something wrote us up yeah like something big because you put it on your social media not you but but uh we might be drunk did i think yeah um no it's it's make we did the brooklyn uh convention the brooklyn bar convention yeah he pulled out of the garbage we uh no we did the brooklyn bar convention and uh it was it we had success there i mean it was a lot of people you know we have a guy mad who's running the company now but we uh i'm gonna find who said it because it was someone it was it was a lot of people, you know, we have a guy, Matt, who's running the company now, but we...

I'm going to find who said it because it was someone. It was pretty... Is that something like set it and forget it for you guys? What do you mean? Like, are you involved in all of it at this point or is like... Yeah, we try to be. Yeah, we have a new batch coming and this one, current batch of Bordea Cat is two years, but the new bottle is going to be three years age.

That's what's cool about it. As you get, you can start doing more and more. Yeah, we're going to do, I think a sherry cask or like a, or a port or rum cask. I love when they do like weird spins on the whiskey

and like, you know, I love, I mean, I love like Lagavulin. I saw, yeah, I've been doing these ads

for Caribbean rum cask. I'm like, oh, that looks so fucking good. When you get into the whiskey world, it's like, there's enough shit to learn about that it's like, what type of wood is the fucking barrel?

How long? How many years? And what do they finish it with? And if you add this much, then it's not technically called this anymore. There's a whole nerd world to it that makes it more interesting. And we're learning. We're novices. I mean, people get mad at us.

They're like, you said it would be available two years ago in New York. Yeah, it turns out we underestimated a very difficult business. We don't know what we're doing. We're not a liquor business. I was going to say, also, I've learned, we've learned in this game that getting licenses and distribution and all this shit, it never apparently goes well. Or maybe that's just us. I don't know. But it never goes well.

It took years. But you just stick with it. Like, we love having a whiskey. We're kind of like, we did this for fun. If it works out, cool. Even better. If not, but like, we kind of just like having a whiskey. Yeah.

It's almost, it's like a more realistic version of owning a bar. Like, owning a bar is a fucking nightmare. A lot of maintenance, a lot of work. Yeah. This is like, we own a whiskey. And also, I just like, I drink it on the road. I like making, I like the ritual of, you know, in the morning making my coffee. I thought you were going to say something else.

Jacking off now. I like the ritual in the morning of making my coffee, and I like making a cocktail. I like making a Manhattan. I like making a Boulevardier. I like making a fucking. What's in a Boulevardier? It's basically just a Negroni, but with whiskey instead of gin.

So it's one part whiskey, one part sweet vermouth, and one part Campari. I like Campari in anything. I think Campari cocktails are fucking great. You like the bitter, huh? I do. I love Negronis too.

Sometimes on a hot summer day, I'll just do a little Campari and soda. I love like... Wow. It's just like an old man Italian drink. Yeah. I like how the Italians drink. and soda. I love like, it's just like an old man Italian drink. I like how the Italians, I like how the Italians drink.

Yeah. And I love, yeah, I love that. I love, I mean, I fucking love a sidecar, man. I mean, little,

you know, what's the liquor, the orange liqueur, I forgot the name of it. A fucking. But I love that. I love, whiskey cocktails are my favorite,

but I'll get fucked up on a martini. Oh, man, like, go over to the strip house on 12th Street, they'll make, like, a martini with those blue cheese olives. I'm like, fuck, that's a good shit. You have a steak with that? I'm not purely a vodka guy or an olive guy,

but for some reason a martini, I fucking love. They hit. And it's like, you feel like you're Roger Sterling. Yeah, I do think there's something to the romanticizing of it all because if you just poured it in like a solo cup,

I don't know, whatever, I'd be like, I'm just drinking a cup of vodka right now. That's how Liz is the comedy seller. Liz,

I don't know if you guys, you guys gotta come by the cellar sometime. But yeah, Liz, the manager of the cellar is like one of my closest friends. She'll just drink martinis

out of a pint glass. Yeah, I don't need the fuss. Wait, speaking of come by the cellar is like one of my closest friends she'll just drink martinis out of a pint glass yes like i don't i don't need the the fuss speaking of come by the cellar thank you very much yeah what because i came by recently for one of your shows when were you there like i don't know maybe two months ago oh shit i must have sucked i just know you were great it was you keith robertson but bigley had dropped in oh shit and it was it was how funny is keith right he's he's like in the zone i mean that whole show is sick but like keith uh you know two strokes he's still going there he takes him forever to get around the corner because he would happen it was such a long pause between the set before him ending really what's happening but it was it was because i texted you that day or dmd that day and i was like hey sorry any chance i get in tonight because my dad was coming down his dad had just passed away he was

like so sad and you did he was like that sam earl guy he's unbelievable my dad's like a huge comedy guy but i had told him that sam got us in tonight let's go see some comedy and it like completely changed his night comedy helps yeah thank you very much just even if it only takes your mind off some shit for like 90 minutes that's 90 minutes you're smiling something good that's exactly what he said like i forget i forget to i forget to enjoy it myself because it's my job so i will forget that it's but i watched when i was on fully loaded with bird i just watched a Tell set. And David Tell just transports me back to being a child. Where you're just a kid really forgetting about all the bullshit in your life and laughing.

And Dave's, that new joke, so many great ones. But that joke where he goes, but I'm a Biden man. Hunter Biden. Just like the misdirects. I'm like, oh my God. When he said about getting, he goes i just got hit by a guy in a city bike it was my fault i was on the sidewalk i mean i just he speaks almost like if an old detective just had like the perfect one-liners there's something so grizzled and

grumpy about him and so new york colin quinn does the same shit to me like there's something about like cranky new yorkers Yorkers that I just feel it. I relate to it. But yeah, I forget that when I was a kid, I saw Dave Vettel at Caroline's and it changed my life. I remember seeing at the comic strip, Bill Burr, all these guys,

and they were just, Kevin Brennan murdered. It was amazing to see those guys and uh you know it you it's something you want to go back like you go back to like laughing with your friends when you were a kid and you you didn't have like problems and like real life shit right yeah and particularly like a place like the cellar where you're like you're shut off from the world you don't have your phone but you feel like you're in like it's great you're downstairs yeah it was it was it was honestly it was like a really important night so thank you very much my pleasure man do you think you'll just do it till you're like 60 65 i hope i'm doing it longer

than that holy shit 65 i mean shit well so let me like you think you're like you'll do it till you're dead yeah i think that's because that I mean, unless I have a fucking terrible death. Unless I'm on a fucking life support or something. You go skydiving one time? I hope I do it. You think you'll still be on the road and everything? I don't know. I don't know how my body's going to hold up.

This is the first year I really took care of myself. I mean, I will exercise now. I'm trying to do stuff so I don't get hurt. I had a fucked up neck for the longest time. I had to really work to improve that. You used that thing, right? That iron neck thing? I used that.

I also, that's like a physical therapy thing. That's like it gets you started, but then you really have to build strength around your neck and shoulders. Then I just got stronger and I feel better. That's maintenance like you gotta you gotta take care of yourself because there's nothing worse than like having a fucking pulled neck on the road for like months I remember just being like in a constant state of like my

friends just like you know make fun of me the whole time Gary you're like an old man right yeah you're miserable to be with so yeah I want I to enjoy the road. I want to get work done. I want to, yeah, ideally, I don't know if I want to do like 50 weeks a year when I'm in my 60s, but I want to be able to do it. Some people keep going forever, and I feel like other people don't. And I wonder what the difference is there, is if it's just a talent thing or a money thing or a drive thing. In Joan Rivers' case, bad doctors. I think it depends. I think Joan would have been doing it

until the end. And I think Don Rickles was doing it until the end. And I think Henny Youngman was able to go up at the end. I think it depends. Dangerfield was doing it up until the end.

There's footage of him very old, doing comedy. Carlin and Pryor was in terrible shape. Yeah. You know, MS. You're such a student of comedy. Sitting down with you, you reference so many old comedies and stuff like that.

How prevalent is that in comedy? Are you the outlier or have most people studied you? Well, my immediate circle of friends is they're very into comedy. Like Mark Norman, Joe List, we're on text threads all the time. We'll like send bits or like a set we like or something so yeah we love

I sent a bit yesterday to them and we just started talking about this comic who passed away years ago he killed himself Richard Jenny who was I thought

like hilarious man we all love him so he had a joke where he said I just heard a random track come on where he said you know what the difference between every woman

I've ever dated and Charles Manson is? Charles Manson had the decency to look like a nut when you first met him. And I was like, God, that's a good bit. So I said that to them

and then just turned into a whole Richard Jenner discussion like how much we liked him. And you know, Margot and Joe would do the same thing. They'll see a late night set like, oh, you should check out this kid.

This guy's funny. Something like that. I think you can almost tell like i i bet if you were to make a list and say which ones you think do and don't i bet you'd be pretty accurate yeah i know but i know a lot of comics who like don't know comedy at all who just sort of like i was funny yeah yeah i remember uh i mean i was working on it i am working on a tv show with mike lawrence who i think is a fucking incredible joke writer, incredible comedy mind. And Mike,

we bonded, we were open micers together. And Mike was like, no, I didn't like standup. I liked the Simpsons. I like South park. I don't like that stuff.

And, but then over time, I think he's like grown an appreciation for it. Cause Mike was a really killer standup. I don't think he still goes on the road sometimes, but he's more of a TV writer now. But I mean, Mike was a killer comic when he'd go up i mean he was like i mean shit we pitched a show we didn't the whole fucking it's very hard to sell a show right now we pitched a show we had

fucking sandler's company producing i love the show we're not going to give up on it but we completely struck out everywhere really even with sandler's backing it's tough man it's tough out there to make a show but my thought is like it's not the show's not going to die if you don't let it die thank god they're not letting it die so they're still gonna they're getting us to write a pilot still they're gonna fund that we'll see what happens yeah so we'll see what which is very rare so i think we'll see what happens from there bless you thank you i think what happens is you know we'll see what happens from there. Bless you. Thank you. I think what happens is, you know, we'll see what we can do. It's not a cheap,

it's not like a super cheap show, but it's also not insanely expensive. I can, I wrote parts for literally three of my best friends. Well, dude, look at- Stavros, Rachel, and Gary Veeder. Rachel Feinstein, Gary Veeder. And then I just, I need a big actor to play my biological dad

because he is like a big part of the show and it i need like a real fucking like i want it to be like i basically wrote him to be like a version of orson welles like a pretentious asshole who like peaked early in life and then just fucked up and kept fucking up and walked out in the family and now wants to be a part of my life and uh it was hilarious watching Mike riff in every pitch because we killed in every pitch. It's just half of these favorite streamers are like, yeah, we can't.

We don't have money for this. They have money for a new Hitler six-part series, I guess. That story hasn't been told yet. Bro, the art on that is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's actually a really good series. It's like it's Hitler. It's like in my life. It's actually a really good series. It's Hitler. It's like him cut in half. It's a new Netflix series. And this side is

colorized and this side's in red and black. The two sides of Hitler. Here's the other. Which one's the evil one? We were aware that Hitler had an evil side. Coldball, neither.

I want to do a joke about I was watching with my And they're all, we were aware that Hitler had an evil side. Coldball, neither. Yeah. He was, no. I want to do a joke about fucking, I was watching with my friend, and one of them was like, you know who should play Hitler in a movie is Kevin Spacey. He's like, you know, he'd be great. And my other friend was like, yeah, but he's canceled. And I was like, he can't play Hitler? That's fucking kidding. That would be funny.

You know, like an agent being like, you're canceled, dude. There's only one role you can play. That's what we bring back, right? Yeah. That would be funny. Like an agent being like, you're canceled, dude. There's only one role you can play. Go do all the other movies. But look at what happened with Tires. To me, I think that's a great example. But also, this is how fucked up the business is. Shane financed that show. And Shane's playing arenas.

I mean, Shane is as hot a comic right now as there is. And he still had to do it himself. And he still had to self-finance it. Yeah, that's crazy. And I think they also wanted his special. So it was like a package deal. So, you know, but that's how hard it is for a comic to make a show right now. I just don't think they're making that many comedies.

You know, I wrote a movie with Mark Norman. We're trying to sell. How is that possible, though? Because when you come on the internet, it's every podcast. That's probably why. Because they're like, it's hard to compete with. I think the fact that we all have ended up making a good living at this has also hurt us on that other end. It's like people on their phones watching clips. They're watching TikTok.

These companies, these streamers are competing with social media. We used to watch a movie before bed. They're watching tiktok i feel like tires would have been like the case study for them to be like these people watch these guys all the time and watch the clips and then they went and watched the show i think that's why happy madison's sticking with us yeah because they there is something because they saw what happened with tires and they were they were with tires originally oh wow and then because of the strike he they went their own way because they couldn't be a part of a show during the strike.

Right, right, right. But they were like, shit, we don't want to lose another show we like. And I really do love this show. So I hope – I mean there's so many fucking funny parts of this show. But I won't give up on it. I'll put it that way. How much would it cost? It might take me a few years.

Like how much does it cost to fund a season of a show like that? Depends who I could get to play my dad. A lot that would be there but i and it's a new york show so there's not gonna be a ton of exterior shots but it's not gonna be like super okay so let's say you like taking out hit this actor that you know a dream actor whatever he would cost like what is how many how much are you spending for like a first season i think shane said a million shane i think shane took out a million but Yeah, but Shane had the great idea to do everything. I mean, look, it's on location, basically a workplace comedy. Right, right.

There's one spot the whole time. That helped them there. Look, it could be done cheaply. I mean, a lot of it's at a bar. I mean, it is like a lot of us living at a bar, basically. But yeah, I mean, I'm not a producer. I don't know that stuff. I'm the one trying to create the world.

But, yeah, every once in a while, like, you know, Norman and I wrote a movie, and we have producers for that now, and they were like, if we have to cut this scene, we'll make it cheap. Like, we wrote a scene on a yacht, and they're like, let's see if we can. We just thought it was funny. We wrote a lot of scenes that we just thought, you know...

We wrote it with Mark Norman, Noah Garden-Schwartz, and Esther Steinberg. We wrote it together. Noah wrote on Miss Maisel for a bunch of seasons and stuff. He's great at creating a story. And it's about two struggling liquor salesmen. So I think we're going to sell that movie eventually. Movies are, I think, weirdly probably easier to get going then it's strange that like it is hard investment to do it because if you're a studio

you're you're first of all you're buying a good product yeah that you know as long as you like it you're buying a good product it's like you're buying an audience like you're talking about the popularity of clips and podcasts like that so it stands to reason that at least, what, 70% of your listeners are going to watch the movie, more than that. So you're buying the audience. You know what's crazy is, yeah, that's totally true. Also, the executives are just in and out. Like, Mike would make a joke in every pitch meeting

where he would go, you know, we just got some great notes from our Uber driver. He used to be a network exec. And it got like a really nervous laugh. The Amazon person we pitched to quit. The Uber exec we pitched to got fired. So it's like two people. It's only a few months.

So then it goes to the back of the pile or whatever. So who knows? No, no. I mean, it just means it's a new person. So we can maybe even repitch it. Who knows? But I think the Amazon person left because they just weren't making comedies. They don't make that many comedies.

Well, I don't get why there's this like. I think they're person left because they just weren't making comedies. They don't make that many comedies. I don't get why there's this like – I think they're all losing money. I think streaming is the only thing, but it's not working. It's like everybody is almost complaining about there's no more Superbads and Will Ferrell type movies and the comedy is dead and blah, blah, blah. But it's like – but I think comedy audiences are bigger than ever. So why the fuck is it not working like everybody just go watch the movies or go stream the whatever because if you want that that genre to like exist you have to make it worth the executives while yeah i don't you know what i mean everybody listens to these

podcasts now everybody watches the specials everybody has their favorites and if they go outside of that cheaper to make though even if it's a big comic, they're paying less than they'd be spending on a movie. And those do really well. Yeah, so maybe that's it. Maybe it's like you guys need to stop doing so much. Do a stand-up. They can get you too easily. Netflix can invest not that much money in a stand-up special, and it'll still trend and do well because they've got that audience.

But I do think it's tough because I think the movies we grew up loving are kind of gone yeah you know like they i think a movie now will be either dirt cheap or like the avengers you know there's no middle ground and i kind of love those like 20 to 60 million dollar like thrillers everybody says that so it's like there is a market for it if these studios just don't. Well, don't you miss – I miss movies like There's Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber. And, you know, fucking all these comedies we saw growing up. So, yeah, I do think there is an audience for it. I think they fucked up by trying to put them in movie theaters. I don't think people are going to the movie theater to see a comedy.

I think now when you go to the movie theater, you want to see a horror movie. Blockbuster, something that you see on the big screen. But that kind of bums me out. But that's dumb of people. That's dumb of the audience because you're going to enjoy it so much more.

When people are laughing. Particularly a comedy. I think they're spending that money on seeing live stand-up, which they weren't back then. Okay. That could be. So I think just make it

for streamers, but I remember seeing The Hangover in a packed theater and being like, wow, this is one of the most fun nights ever. Bridesmaids in a packed theater was great. For i do miss i do miss that a little bit get some funny black people in the crowd yelling out shit it's great it's great experience so much funnier

i do miss it but i i do think i don't think it's dead i think they just have to find a way to to make it well what they need is like one to work and then a second one to work and then it's like i think tires is working yeah i think i think you just one to work and then it's like... I think tires is working. I think you just have to ride that wave a little. You guys really are kind of pioneering it, so it still is the early... Well, Shane pioneered that. That was very cool.

But I'm saying in general, this crop of comedians are the ones who are leading the way through the internet, into the streaming world, and it's going to take a while to knock down well with all these youtube specials we might be architects of our own destruction you know we might be like at one point they're like well you're the reason that we're getting fucking hit by youtube yeah you know but uh yeah it's your fault you guys you guys you know you did too well on youtube and

now everybody's got a fucking youtube special but now but then you know you have to be aware of what's the next step right because you know uh okay youtube worked but then, you know, you have to be aware of what's the next step, right? Because, you know, okay, YouTube worked, but then now everyone's doing YouTube. Now it's oversaturated. You got to find the next step. And I think that's what we'll see what that is. But I do think YouTube is still as much as it feels oversaturated. I mean, YouTube has just become like the Internet. You know what I mean?

There's like 600 million people a day on YouTube. It's crazy. You know, you can try to find what's next but also i don't think anything will you can't like compete with that you know what i mean it's it's just too too good of a too good and too big of a video platform but the idea of like what do you do with it next you know all right we're used to youtube specials now is it a youtube show or youtube this or youtube that i don't think it's necessarily the platform but what what the kind of content is next because i do think there's you're probably reaching a point of like special not even saturation almost like aversion you know what i mean like i can't i don't want to watch a special i get people hitting me up doing like you know i've i've you know people trying to help me and they're like well you should do a collab with this person like first off i don't want to watch those specials. I get people hitting me up doing like, you know, I have people trying to help me

and they're like, well, you should do a collab with this person. I'm like, first off, I don't want to hear that word. You should do this thing with this person. I'm like, I want to make good shit. I think that's the thing. That's why the specials were working on YouTube

is because that was like really home material and we really workshopped it. I think that's hopefully the next thing is that like, you know, in the age of all this content, quantity really became king instead of quality. And I think maybe it's going to swing back to quality. And I think it's already starting to swing. You know what I love?

Gary Veeder's special with his dad, I think, is such a... The podcast? Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you listen to the most recent one? I haven't started because I want to like, I need to like listen through it. I'm in a couple episodes. I'm so proud of him.

It really, Gary Veeder, one of my best friends in the world, did a podcast about his con artist father. And the shit his dad did is, the deeper you get, you're like, wait, what?

You got raided by the fucking US Marshals? You got fucking, it's a true, like catch me if you can leo dicaprio it's frank abby nails crazy and you don't realize how you know a lot of my friends that i that i you know i've had for years they've kept stuff from me and it's not like they did it just to me they did to the world i think they weren't ready to share this you know one of my best friends gary veder uh never talked about his dad to me he just said he had a bad dad it was a real

okay my other one of my other closest friends anthony devito who's we're doing a one-man show never talked about his dad to me. He just said he had a bad dad. It was, okay. My other, one of my other closest friends, Anthony DeVito, who's, we're doing a one man show now about his dad getting killed by the fucking mob. He was a hit man. Holy shit. These are two of my closest friends.

I didn't know this about either of them. Cause that's how guys are. Yeah. Women, they would be like, they would tell you this, like boom. Nice to meet you.

My dad got killed by the mob. But like, but you know know these guys really how they held it in you know yeah yeah because that was just how they were and it i mean anthony devito was like i thought his dad died from cancer forever and they're like uh well you had a bad dad i'm like yeah he just left yeah he didn't, he wasn't a fucking hit man for the mob. He didn't murder people. Yeah, so. He just murdered my childhood. That's all.

No, he really saved it because I got a good stepdad swoop in. I got my, not to rub it in, but things were great. But that idea that like, you know, like a concept of the con man dad and, you know, watch these episodes, listen to these episodes. Do I find him in the end? Like. Yeah. You know, it's just very, most people, and we're, you know, these episodes listen to these episodes do i find him in the end like yeah you know there's just very most people and we're you know probably guilty of it we're just like turn the mics on and let's just fucking go and spit it and whatever we all do get back to

like you know but the fact that he turned it in like a 30 for 30 style highly produced uh music tension right interviews like he wrote monologues for each episode and Gary's a great writer if you know his stand up so yeah no it blew me away that's something I wouldn't be surprised my lawyers texted me oh my god what happens and he's like no don't tell me

like my cousin texted me like spoilers please I'm like do you really want him I'll tell you he almost told me and I didn't realize I thought he was still in the process of finding him in real time

and then at the end of the interview he was like so you'll find out if I saw him or not, if I find him or not. And I was like, you know right now? Like, fuck, get out of the room. I don't want to know because I want to know, but I don't want to know. It's made for guys like you, too, because it's got the sports element, but it's also got the comedy element. And just like anyone can relate to this family dysfunction. Even if you have a good family, you're grateful for that. if you have a good family, you're like, you're grateful for that. If you have a bad family, you're like, fuck.

It's made to be like a TV show. Yeah. I think more of that stuff where people realize that like you guys are just talented and it doesn't have to just be stand up. It can be a show. It can be a documentary. It can be this. It can be that. But that's where we need creative people on the other end like you know yeah that i'm very lucky to have you know

people around me who are like creative in ways that i'm not you know so with stand-up like i'm i'm not complaining i hear a lot of people saying like oh you know comedians are never happy with their career my the group i'm surrounded with seems grateful as fuck. Like we're like, holy shit, we beat the odds. Things are going great. I get to, you know, I'm in Rochester this weekend. It's like sold out.

I'm like, that's fucking weird. I'm going to New York. It's like five shows. I just get to like work on my jokes. Yeah. And no, it's the,

it's the best. It's, what'd you think of the, the roast? I thought maybe you were going to be on that. I would have loved to. I only saw a few of them. I was like skipping around.

Julian Edelman's my friend, so I sent him a few, and he used a couple. Oh, yeah? Oh, shit. He was great. He delivered it really well. I love him. When Nicky called him a squinty-eyed fuckboy, I was laughing. She annihilated him.

His eyes are never open. Yeah, no, everyone on it was good, really, I thought. Do you think you weren't on it because the new one, Sam Rill, you've changed as a Prime? No, I think they probably just had their people already. But everyone up there is a Netflix comic, right? I don't know. Maybe. Oh, I didn't think of that.

It's possible. Coming as a family. Is there anything like that? Like, in the business, it's like if you go with one streamer you know they'll they'll stop calls stops calling i don't know i i honestly don't know but now that you mentioned i was on letterman the year i had a netflix special and i was on uh is it cake so maybe i got blackballed who the fuck knows uh no i would have loved to i love doing stuff like that but uh i was also excited for julian so i was like when he he was sending me a set, I was kind of like, oh, I love this one.

Oh, I don't know about this. I bet like this is killer. And he was nervous in a good way. But he really is. He delivered. He ran it. I'm sure you know that. He ran it at the Comedy Store the night before.

I told him to. I was like, and I'm sure Jeff Ross did as well. But I said like, hey, man, just really, you know, I know, hey, man, I know how you approach football. You're a late pick. You have to work your way up. He's like, I know you respect comedy. I was like, run it, please. I know you're going to be nervous, but you're going to be nervous at the roast, too.

Just get a couple under your belt so you know what to expect. There's differences when you run a roast, Joe, because sometimes you're selling it to an audience who may not know what Drew Bledsoe looks like. But in the moment, you're going to know. I talked to him very briefly afterwards, and I think he said it did not do so well at the store, which makes sense. I forget.

It was something along those lines, where he wasn't sure how it was after the store. But you can run stuff, and yeah, I thought he approached. When you approach stuff with humility, yeah, I thought he, when you approach stuff with humility, you know, like he always does. He was so,

I mean, I used to do the pod with him. I loved working with him. Yeah. I mean, that's the difference in anything. The people who act entitled

or the people who keep grinding, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's his career in a nutshell. I mean,

he always approached it. That stupid son of a bitch. He always approached it with a lot of, That man that one where the ball in the super bowl ground i i was at that one wants me more there's no chance he caught that ball and then they showed the jumbo tron he knew it he knew he caught that yeah i remember being like nah game's over like it's a wrap fucking he was so clutch he was clutch on the big on the big stage always. I mean, all those guys were. Gronk, Jules, Amendola, all those guys delivered. All those Patriot whites, they really stepped up. Amendola was the butt of the meanest joke of the show

when Belichick just roasted him. What did he say? It was just like, yeah. The only time Amendola got mentioned the whole show was like, yeah, Danny showed up first year, 300 yards. Second year, 400 yards. Randy used to call it a good half. Wow.

And they cut the camera to Amendola, and he did not think that was funny. Maybe I just saw that. But Belichick had maybe the two best jokes of the night when he also said to Gronk Gronk was doing does the Sunday show Fox Sports and he's like Gronk I know I used to always tell you do your job I'm begging you

stop doing your job oh wow Gronk is awesome I did a private event with Gronk once where we were we did this like steel companies. They paid us way too much money to do this thing. Gronk is there.

I'm there to do comedy. Gronk is there to just party. So he's got the, I don't know. I honestly, I don't know which of our jobs was harder than these people getting fucked up. Gronk is like just spraying champagne over a crowd. He's like spike a drink.

And we're like, well, Gronk and I were like toasting, like truly cans and chugging them. And I'm like, fuck. I crowd. All you've got to do is spike a drink. Gronk and I are toasting Truly Cans and chugging them. And I'm like, fuck. I still got to go on. And Gronk's like, oh, fuck. This could be rough. I'm like, it's going to be rough. I can tell.

Crowd's wasted. It's like an open bar in San Antonio in, I think, the Aztec Theater. Beautiful theater. But they're just, dude, it's one of those crowds that are heckling me. Like, you suck. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, yeah, well, you know, just 29 more minutes. The check's got to clear. And then like, I just, I've done enough hell gigs where like by minute 15, they were like, oh, okay, this guy's actually not bad.

I had to fucking prove it. I'm like fucking riffing. I'm doing whatever. Every road hack trick in the book, I'm doing to survive. And, but it took me like like i'd say like 25 minutes before i'm getting my first like hard laughs so i got like five minutes of good comedy out of 30 minutes but just like i'm like a private event are you and you so the fuck i will i gotta show you the video the owner he's like of the company's own he's like a german guy who runs a steel company

and he was just like he comes over to me and gronk and kisses us both on the lips and we're like what the fuck is happening what a move but he was the sweetest guy uh i was like we're gonna get fucking whacked but uh no he was uh it was such a weird gig but uh i love hearing he was fucking gronk was gone stories stefano did one for uh for steve co Cohen yeah that his wife set up and it was it was just like the worst setup for for comedy like ever it was a bunch of big wigs and they didn't and Cohen just said to him what what did my wife like tell you to do and he was like I'm supposed to do like an hour it was something really long like 40 minutes yeah and he was like I'll double your money to cut it in half and get out of here wow that's a good guy they were i was supposed to do

one of those they were throwing food out of and shit they were just like disrespecting the fuck out of him they hit me up for one of those gigs and my agent asked for too much money i think oh yeah i'm like he's a billionaire i was gonna say that's a good agent that's a good agent yeah um do we have some voicemails pass well uh we got some videos from our listeners, and then we'll get you out of here. Sweet. What's up, KFC fights the rest of the gang. I have a bone to pick with the t-shirt industry. I think we need some type of national definition of what pre-shrunk means. Yeah.

Because I'll get, like, I'll normally fit between, like, a large and an XL, and I'll always buy the XL if it's 100% cotton or whatever and I'll put it in the wash and the dryer for the first time won't even do anything crazy and I'll put it on like low heat maybe medium heat when I'm drying it and comes out the fits like a medium like what is all that about what do they mean by free shrunk before they mail it out to their customers or whatever and on that same note international sizes i mean i know we're americans and we're fat as i mean look at me and you know we want to make

ourselves feel better about ourselves so you know we'll wear like a carhartt medium and it'll be like a triple xl in china or something like that like one time i went to greece and i was trying on just like a button down shirt and i couldn't even like get it close like it was like coming to my nipples like it was crazy small compared to any other xl that i'm trying on Yeah, this is part of my presidential platform is that we need to re-regulate sizing of shirts because what used to be extra large meant you were fucking extra large. You're like a bigger person that needs a shirt

that is cut bigger. And now it's like, I mean, everything has just moved up one. Smalls don't even exist smalls are like for for girls mediums are largest largest are exhales and and if you're like really fat i don't even know if they you know what they what do they do for you i went to a pop-up because this guy uh bacher back pages makes these cool i always wear these weird nick shirts that are like i love them and jamel one of the door guys, the seller, is such a big Knicks fan, so I want to surprise him with a shirt.

And I'm texting Liz. I'm like, what size is Jamel? And she goes, 4XL. I'm like, oh, come on. It's a pop-up. I'm trying to. I'm like, can you squeeze into a 3XL? She was like, no.

I'm like, oh, fuck. He doesn't look. I mean, he's big, but he doesn't look that big. That's the problem. That's the problem. You know, it used to be he'd probably be like a double XL. Now he's got to wear like 5X because we shifted it like the girls. I know it's hard to find.

Yeah. Yeah. And I know it's a fact because I bought – if you buy old clothes from the 90s, I got shit off of eBay, whatever, you get an XL, it's a fucking – it looks like a sailboat sail. It's huge. So I don't know why we decided to scale everything down maybe like you said you want to like feel skinny or whatever but and if you do wear any like european clothes it's like first of all i don't know their sizing so it's like

this is a size like five or seven i'm like i don't know what the fuck that means but it it does not match up with we almost need like uh the country's too big to america can't have sizing across the board. Because we went down to Florida for Daytona, and we were at a Bass Pro Shop. And I was like, get me XLs. I wear XLs. And they were fucking down to my knees and hanging over my elbows because these guys actually wear XLs, you know? So I don't even believe in pre-shrunk.

I don't even know what that means. Pre-shrunk is just a marketing thing. They don't even believe in pre-shrunk. I don't even know what that means. Pre-shrunk is... That's just a marketing thing. They don't... But in that whole show, in that whole voicemail, the craziest thing about that was the shirt, which will remind you about the craziest thing. The Two Bears 5K shirt on, if you're just listening. So we went to the Two Bears 5K.

We had one of our producers here. Not in this room, but a producer atcelona sports who's a normal guy normal guy who ran a 5k that day here in new york in solidarity with the two bears 5k and then asked us to bring him back a shirt because he'd ran the two bears 5k and he would like the merchandise from it i was like you didn't run the two bears 5k you ran fucking three miles in new york city that's not the two bears 5K. I forgot. That is one of the craziest things. And you know when someone at work is just a weirdo and it's like, yeah, that's a fucking weirdo.

He did weird things. When I found out he did it, I was like, him? No. That is so unbelievably crazy. Yeah, Jake Bass. Hey, pick me up a shirt because I ran the same distance across the country. As if it was like the whole, it's crazy. Everybody was there.

Jelly Roll. There's a DJ. It was about the experience. He walked it very briskly. You know who ran it insanely fast? Travis Barker. The fastest man alive. Travis Barker fucking.

He looks like a runner's body. This was like Kenya level. He ran a 5K in like 16 minutes. He went out with the crowd and me and Ryan. He sprints. Huh? He sprints. He sprinted the whole thing.

Me and Sickler were just kind of walking it. And all of a sudden he's coming back with nobody in the pack. And I was like, did he? Yeah, by the way, you should probably go do this. You should probably go run with your boy. So he's just a runner, this guy. Yeah, so I think right after the 5K he announced this thing, so he's running in.

Wait, did you just call Travis Barker this guy? Yeah. Do you not know Travis Barker? No, I know, he's Blink-182. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were just like, yeah, this guy, Travis Barker. No, I know. He's Blink-182. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were just like, yeah, this guy, Travis Barkley. No, I know who he is.

He's considered a great drummer, right? Yeah. I mean, I... One of the best. But more importantly, the fastest man alive. And the funniest thing was, so he went out with a pack, I'm assuming some people, maybe a couple friends, some cameramen, came back with none of them hit the finish line and just kept going

got in his car and drove away there was no like let me meet up with Tom and Bert afterwards I'm here for pictures it was just see you fucking later

I'm here to show everyone how insanely fast I am and then that's it alright next voicemail I gotta bounce in like a couple oh you can go yeah

don't worry about it. All right, well, let me... I got to piss too badly. Yeah, we usually do this part. New special, July 9th, Amazon. Hope you watch it. Good. You guys are the best. Thanks.

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so when i was a kid my parents would always read me the shell silverstein books like you know the giving tree there were other ones besides that in the back of these books there's this picture always michelle silverstein and he always looked creepy as hell like he honestly looked like an absolute freak i'm not even gonna lie like there i remember can picture this one's like black and white i think he's holding a guitar his foot's like by the camera it's really weird and see so i'd always get really creeped out by this picture of shell and i also when I was a kid never wanted to go to bed which is like normal for kids you know I always go out into the living room where my parents were and I would be like I can't sleep um and so eventually my parents were like would point to the picture of shell and say if you don't

stay in your bed like this man's he's gonna be long way and they did that when I was younger and I always thought it was such a funny story that happened to me so I have been telling people that I'm 21 now I've probably been telling that since I was 14 when it like wasn't even an appropriate story to tell because adults hear that and they're like your parents did what like it kind of seemed like it was something that traumatized me even though I literally just tell it because I think it's so funny. Anyways, I was telling this story like a year ago. And this guy is like, that's from a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book. And I was like, no, it's from Shel Silverstein.

And he's like, no, no, no, that's a story. That happens in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Which I also avidly read. And I was like, are you serious? And I literally got home looked in my book like I found my old books well I first of all I searched which book it was I obviously wasn't gonna read all of them and I find it and I'm like wow this is here this happened the exact same story how Greg Hefley can't sleep and his parents point to Shell in the book with his feet up and say he's gonna come get you so i was like wow i thought this happened to me like i thought i could picture my parents saying this i could picture shell in the hall well not actually i could picture being scared

of him being in my hallway and so i'm like oh shit like i didn't think i was lying to you like this i had this realization, whatever. And you'd think I would find out that I was just making that up the whole time, unknowingly, but still. And be like, all right, I'm not going to tell that fake story anymore. No, I tell it all the time. It's such a funny story. No one really remembers that. It's harmless.

I feel like it happened to me still. So. um it's harmless i feel like it happened to me still so that's great like well first of all is that like bad okay second of all what's a lie that you might tell that you fully know is false but you just know it'll elicit you know like a reaction like something you think is really funny okay first of all that's kind of harmless and you just know it'll elicit you know like a reaction like something you think is really funny okay first of all that's kind of heartless and you just tell it do you know i mean maybe you don't want to expose what your lie is actually but do you know what shell silver silverstein looks like i don't i think i'm picturing um a musician i liked when i was a kid i forget his fucking name now but uh, that's what I was picturing.

A beard and a bald head. I don't think it was exactly him. This guy looks like a bad motherfucker. This guy wrote Where the Sidewalk Ends and all that shit. This guy looks like he should be in fucking Sam Crow. He should be in Sons of Anarchy wearing a cut. I mean, this guy is gangster. Who's the musician that kids love or kids loved?

That was who I was picturing. Here's the picture she's talking about with the foot and the guitar. He looks a little more friendly when he's smiling. But the bald head and, like, big beard and... He just looks like he will fuck you up. Never judge a book, man. This guy's... You're telling me

that guy is out there you know this dude looks like he's like uh he looks like he fought with like fidel castro yeah in cuba to to fight for communism and he was out here just writing poetry writing kids poetry i think that's a little bit weird what do you think i i want to write i want to write uh children's books you know i think that's weird i want to write specifically like one line of like i i had the song that i sung to them and it had all these names in it that i made up yeah suzy suzy and i so i wanted to make a snoozy suzy book and it's like she's she's got to get to bed in the book and she has to go through all like the characters but i'm like is that weird it's almost she's got to get to bed in the book and she has to go through all like the characters. But I'm like, is that weird? It's almost like we joke about like a guy can't be like a kindergarten teacher or coach a team.

Can I write a kid's book? Well, here's the thing. You can write a kid's book. You can't do everything it takes to sell a kid's book. Right. So I just got to put it out there and be like, I have a book. But I can't be like doing like book signings at like a kid's camp or something right local library and singing what if it like what if it was a smash hit i mean it could be if i know the song it's a great song

it's it's would i would it would like if if if it was a big hit and like uh penguin publishing came to me and was like yo we'll put this on like 50 000 shelves across the country but like you gotta do this and that what should i do what would i do i'm now coming up with completely ridiculous scenarios that are gonna happen to me see i i i know you too well in the sense that i know how bothered you would be at those appearances yeah like you could probably play it off where the parents don't know because one of those things it's like talking to kids like talking to an animal where it's like if you feel creepy it's creepy yes or if you're scared they're scared yeah yeah yeah i get it don't make it weird dude just like say hi to the kids and

sign the book i'd be like frank i'd be like i'm not touching you i'll and sign the book. I'd be like Frank. I'd be like, I'm not touching you. I'll just sign your book. That's how I have my kids. I'm like, get that fucking kid away from me. Well, now I'm the weird one. But I don't know. I just don't want to talk to the kid. Yeah. No, that would be weird.

But if it was like, dude, you have a chance to be the next fucking big kids author or something with these books. I mean, Shel Silverstein was right there. Yeah. Could have gone with that one that would be very funny i do want to give a shot i i think it would part of me thinks there's um a shot it would work because i have like a built-in audience and they're having kids now and in my mind if i knew somebody who was like i wrote a bedtime book i think i don't give a fuck what bedtime books we read so i'll buy the one my

friend wrote right so i would bank on that i think i think it could actually be successful now would it like be really successful i don't know but i think i could actually uh make it but it would be funny if like if you know like hoda and whatever whatever that girl's name is like have you on the show and the next day they're like digging up all the other stuff i've said it's like wait a second wait a second like back to back like the newest like children's author and then it's like i put the baby in a microwave yeah and i did not think shell looked like this at all as far as paunting off like fake stories it's a it's a skilled art you got to be smart about it like she got caught you know that's the fun it's funny that she just got caught she's like i don't care i'm gonna keep doing it

um i i was at the metsets game, 1999. Robin Manchura hits the grand single to win it against the Braves. And, you know, he gets mobbed at first base. We can't, you know what I'm talking about? And I was there with my mom. And the game was 14 innings. And my mom was like, we got to leave. We can't, like, stay here all night so uh we left early and

we were like in the parking lot when it happened like it wasn't even like we left in like the ninth and it was like hours later it was like if we just stuck it out for like 15 more minutes we would have witnessed it and i have told so many people not only that i was there but i have like concocted a whole story around it like there was these two guys behind us who were giving us shit the whole game for standing up too too often and my mom was like shut the fuck up like it's a playoff game if there's two strikes we're standing up so we were going back and forth with these guys the whole time and then in my head i was like we would have probably been like hugging and high-fiving those guys like it's all good it doesn't matter we won so i have told that version of a made-up story to people about the mets never happened never happened i yeah it was it was a point in my life

also i told that story i i told people that i stayed because i was still at a point in my life where i was like i can't let people know that i left the game early yeah like they would like be make fun of me and it would actually like me. I'm not a good sports fan. Now I'm like, bro, my feet hurt. I wanted to go home. I don't fucking care. We won the game. I didn't see it.

Don't care. That shit does not phase me at all anymore. That one reminds me of my buddy's story of Sox 08. I think big comeback. Let's say they were down 7-1 to the Rays, getting their fucking asses kicked the whole game. He left the game early, and he went to PC, Providence College at the time, and got to a bar.

But the Sox made a comeback in the bottom of the eighth, I think. Maybe bottom of the ninth. I forget. It was like David Price's Rays. So it was around that time. And it was still – he got back to providence college and the sock like he pulled up to the bar to meet his friends and was listening on the radio and the sauce comeback happened and instead of going into the bar he went to a liquor store

got a case of beers and sat in the car for like an hour and a half so he could make it look like he was there so going to go and be like what a boys. I'm so fucked up. I've been drinking for an hour and a half. But now he tells the full story. Like that night he lied, but now the full story is the fucking story. Right. That night I just sat outside the bar drinking a 30-rack. I'm sitting. You guys are right there.

I could have been hanging out with you, but I didn't want you to know. That is a great story. The other one I have i i've mentioned this one before but like in my e coli story i say my mom didn't come in the ambulance with me that's true from a for a different story like i thought she melded them together yeah that was like i i forget what i i don't know i got hurt again for something picked up an ambulance or something and she was like i think it was hockey i think i injured at a hockey game and she's like i don't leave my fucking car at the rink, picked up an ambulance or something. And she was like, I think it was hockey. I think I got injured at a hockey game.

And she's like, I don't want to leave my fucking car at the rink. And they're like, we think your neck is broken. They literally thought I broke my neck. I was playing at JFK rink in Parnsville, Mass. I got my fucking helmet got caught on the post. And so I fell. My neck stayed up. And they thought I broke my neck. And my mom was like, i'll meet you guys there's something to me that's very like

i guess it depends on what you're lying about who you're lying to why you're lying all that really matters because like if you are like telling fake stories because you're like desperate to have friends or something like that i'm like like, you're a loser. That's fucking lame. I think that's a good distinction, too. Because I only ever added that to the story when I did a one thing I learned on it. Yeah. Because you're performing now. I mean, if you're doing, like, a story for comedy, that's a whole different. We all know that people embellish and shit like that.

But, again, it's sort of like what happened with Hasan Minhaj. Where it was like, well, that lie lie is okay this lie is pretty fucking weird you know so it depends on you know my favorite bargazi jokes when you talk about the horse and yeah he's like i didn't hike and see the horse in the same day right two separate stories i'm telling a fucking joke put it together yeah so you know if you have a reason to uh but if you're just like the kid at school who's just like, my dad drives a Ferrari, and it's like, he fucking doesn't know what you're talking about. You're such a loser. Just, like, tell the truth.

So, yeah, you got to be careful with what you pawn off as your own. All right, last voicemail. What up, KFC crew? What's up, Jackie? Did he put this in black and white? A couple years ago, we were out drinking. My buddy had to go home to watch football with his dad or some shit like that. And his dad was like, hey, let me pick up some pizzas before you come home. So I drove him over to Little Caesars.

And he walked in and ordered pizzas and the crew behind the counter were like hey this guy's fucked up you know whatever and was like turned around to him and like handed him his pizzas and he was like i've been drinking came out and told me the whole story and i just started fucking laughing so my question is like what bullshit has kind of entered your regular vocabulary that was just you know know, kind of a throwaway type of thing? Because like whenever somebody like, why, what's, what's going on with you? I've been drinking.

And, uh, what kind of man, so many, what kind of inside joke has entered your vocabulary? Viva. It's a great question. Throughout the years, like endless amounts. Yeah. You know, I mean, I think my crew is a particularly like we latch on to weird things like this. My friends are, I partake in it about 50% of what they do. It's not even like real conversations.

Like you pick up the phone and it's just like gibberish back and forth. The first five seconds, 10 seconds. It's just like, what are we, what's, what's even being said right now? I mean that,

that, when that, there was an old man on the golf course. The first time we heard, um, he sifts his ass and all that stuff. He, you know,

you, uh, shank a shot and he yelled, your mother wears army boots in the, your sister's ass and your mother wears army boots in the shower and i mean for the next to this day the phone your mother your sister nudes me like just the dumbest shit uh that only we would know so i mean this is too much to i remember have people coming around our group being like we don't know we have a like almost a barstool thing with my friends where like this guy's name is vinny but we call him johnny

and this guy's name is this what we call him that and like none of it makes any sense has the weirdest one i call all my friends by either a nickname that relates to their name or their name but i'm with pat and all his friends they all call each other lloyd and i'm like i think that's funny and not his gay friends his regular friends and like it's all just lloyd and i was like so what's his name yeah that's tommy i was like who's that who's that i'm like and also just like when we're having a conversation and everyone's lloyd it's hard to follow along in this fucking conversation. That makes – if you just call everyone a Lloyd, that's one thing.

But if you're telling a story and then Lloyd said and then Lloyd said and then Lloyd said, I was like, who's saying what here? I love it. Lloyd, what a name. That's so fucking great. Yeah, so I was talking to Lloyd yesterday. I was like, I'm hanging out with five fucking Lloyds. Who are you talking to lloyd yesterday and i was like i'm hanging out with five fucking lloyds who were you talking to it's impossible to talk to any of you oh man the uh one i had did i haven't had the chance to put it into practice yet

but the this weekend i was at a wedding and someone after the mass we had to go get in the buses and someone ran to like a liquor store fucking bodega, whatever the fuck you want to call it. And they come back and they're like, I got a bunch of smokes. I got a bunch of bottles of wine. It's a 20-minute bus ride. And someone goes, did you get a lighter? Did you get a bottle opener? He goes, would you stop causing fucking problems?

And he had none of it i would just stop causing problems and i about is like the essence of life yeah that is what like and i i do think it's probably uh i think girls do it with like when they nickname their their friends boyfriends you know what i mean like what you're what you say drunk alter egos yeah that they have their own versions of it um but when the guys are together and they just have their inside jokes and their full language and and you know names and all of that that's like when i'm at my happiest when that's going on, I love this so fucking much. That is, that's life right there. That's also, that is, you know, that guy, it's one of my favorite lines, but that's from Hitchcock. Hitchcock.

The Will Smith movie? Yeah, yeah. Hancock? Hitchcock? Hancock, Hancock. Yeah, when the woman's like, I can smell alcohol in your breath. That's because I've been drinking. It's an all-time line.

I love that I knew you were talking about Hancock. Yeah. He's not talking about the real Hitchcock. He's talking about Hancock Will Smith. You could have very well been talking about Alfred Hitchcock. No, it's not Hitchcock. It's Hancock. The Jason Bateman, Charlie's Throne, and Will Smith Project.

Such a random crew. All right. That's it. We'll see you next week. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.