KFC Radio - Sebastian Maniscalco, Bend The Knee to Brady, and We Are All Catfish

Episode Date: January 22, 2019

Sebastian Maniscalco comes through to tell us about all the stuff that bothers him including sandals and gender reveals. Tom Brady breaks KFC's soul again. Mass catfish scam almost gets Feits. Voicemails include: one bar for the rest of your life or never same bar twice, guy can't wear khakis because he pisses himself every night, girl has a wet dream, ex has access to her IG account. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What's up? It's your boy, KFC. This episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by Devour, the food porn star of frozen meals and sandwiches. Devour Banks. If you know, they literally do now because they're getting into the porn game, okay? There is, I, we've had a couple sponsors recently that are right up our alley. You know, they literally do now because they're getting into the porn game. OK, there is ice. We've had a couple sponsors recently that are right up our alley.

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Devour. Food porn. Funny. It's funny stuff. Funny stuff today. We got Sebastian Maniscalco on the show. He took New York City by storm.

I don't think anybody who's anybody was anywhere but the Garden this weekend. Every social media was Sebastian. It was wild, man. 73,000 tickets he sold this weekend. Four shows, two nights, all sold out. 73,000 tickets. sold this weekend. Jeez. Four shows, two nights, all sold out. 73,000 tickets.

You could legitimately have a nice stand-up career and probably sell 73,000 tickets your entire life. Why does he just retire? How much money is that? That's it right there, right? Done. That's the greatest amount of money. If we did the Wilbur 73 times, I would consider that a good career for us. He did it in a weekend.

Fucking two shows. He's incredible. Swagged out. Just very cool cat. So he came through for an interview. So stick around for that. What do you want to talk about now? Let's just go to Sebastian.

That's it. That's just it, man. You sure you don't want to talk about anything? Here's where I'm at. Here's where go to Sebastian. That's it. That's just it, man. You sure you don't want to talk about anything? Here's where I'm at. Here's where I'm at. I'm going to give you the chronicle of my life as a Pats hater. It started out miserable. Like, fucking Tom Brady, this fucking dude, is now going to win Super Bowls?

Like, fuck that. And then there was a lull, and it was fun. Like, I actually, like, you could hang making fun of the Patriots. It was a lot like the Yankees. Like, yeah, you've had your success, but you're in a drought right now, and you guys actually choked a lot. It was like you always make it, but, hey, I remember tweeting, like, a tradition unlike any other, making fun of the Pats when they get bounced

in the playoffs because it just kept happening. And then they came back and they won, and it was brutal, miserable. Then they kept winning, and it was kind of like throw your hands up like all right four five it's just like you're just piling on at this point so i actually it actually got a little bit easier like i used to like eat at my soul and then i was just like i can't i mean there's nothing left to say there's no spin zone there's no argument he's the goat he's the goat it's just that's it Now the pendulum's back again where I'm like, how long is this going to fucking happen? Like six, seven, eight?

It's LeBron. It's crazy. It's awesome. But I don't get, this is what I don't get. I honestly, I truly think this. Because I kind of did it with Manning. I did it with Jeter a bit where like, how do you people, how do you not appreciate the greatness that is Tom Brady?

How do you not appreciate the leadership that he provides? How do you like, how is that? Wait, I've never. You're what, Furkay? So let's see some of the videos that came out last night. How, as an objective fan, which isn't even a thing,

that doesn't make sense, an objective fan, fans aren't objective, but as, as an objective viewer, how can you not look at it and go, this guy's amazing? I don't,

I do. Like, I was watching the highlights of the game last night. I hate him, but I'm like, there's no denying it. And it's just like the fourth quarter. You gave Tom Brady the ball back with two minutes and three seconds.

That's too much time. And granted, Mahomes came back down with 30 seconds, 39 seconds, I think. Right, but there was no way that Brady was not scoring there. I mean, Dave asked me when the drive started. He's like, would you rather be down with the ball right now or with the lead? Just down with the ball. The baddest motherfucker on the planet has the ball. That's why it's...

Dome, dome, dome. Tight window, tight window, tight window. Fucking monster. And then after the game... Third and ten. They should just cut to third down with two minutes to go always. You know what I mean? And then after the game, like the video with Gronk,

where it's just him going like, he's just Jordan shrugging. With his weird teeth. He's got weird teeth. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? The ad. And he does look goofy.

And that's why I love him even more. I think he's doing that on purpose. He used to not do this. Someone who. Now he's doing that. He's just like. Somewhere in the sixth Super Bowl. Like someone who is like two in their own head.

And they wouldn't be. I look a little goofy. Yeah. I posted. He's like, fuck it. Gronk was. I'll put it up. Do you know the main.

The video of him going to the locker room. That's the most incredible there. He's like, fuck it. Gronk was doing it. I'll put it out. Do you know the main... The video of him going through the locker room? That's the most incredible video. It's such an amazing video. He has... Everyone's getting undressed. Everyone's kind of... Tom Brady is Tom Brady. He can just go to his locker room, get undressed, go to his press conference.

He's going around to every single locker. And he's hugging him. Hugging a player. Telling him how much he loves them. That's all an act. That's not an act. He knows exactly what he's doing, though loves them. That's all an act. That's not an act. He knows exactly what he's doing, though. No.

The Mahomes thing was an act. Not an act. The Mahomes thing is genuine, but he knows what he's doing. I don't think so. Because this is one of those things where, yes, if it only happened on camera, I would give you that. But I think it's not on camera, but it's going to be talked about. Every single person who's ever been to New England says it doesn't matter. Tom Brady, he treats every practice squad player like they're the most important player on the team.

He's like, people are bitching about going out to the cold. Tom Brady's like, get the fuck out there right now. Let's go. He's been churning out the quotes, man. Oh, my God. The cold, my mind doesn't slow down, their bodies do. Like, ah, I like that. Many men, obviously, was awesome.

Bad boys, whoever's doing his videos right now. That guy. We should hire him. Yeah. When he retires because leaving Tom Brady would be crazy. But, like, obviously, that guy's going to know Barstool. He's probably a New England dude. It's like, when you're done making videos for Brady, just come make him for Dave or some shit.

It's crazy that, like, it's happening again. God, I can't. No, I can't. I can't do this. It's so awesome because no team in the world has hype videos and stuff like that like the Patriots do

because people don't take shots at anyone else. So a great hype video has to start with a minute of everyone being like, they're done. They're over.

No one did this. No one did this with Jordan. People just appreciated his greatness. Appreciate Tom's greatness. I think people are starting to do it now, but stop trying to pretend that it's over. It is weird that there's just such a desire to diminish it.

Maybe it's because it's, it's also alongside the Red Sox and the Celtics and the Bruins. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the spy gate thing initially, like just piss people off, but nobody else was was the desire to be the first person to call it is strange with him it makes nobody wanted to be like yeah jordan's cooked yeah no nobody loved it people jeter people like weren't even talking

about that he was bad yeah he was just bad yeah they weren't talking about it. This guy is a bad shortstop now. Why are we saying that? But everybody is saying it with Brady when it's just not fucking true yet. I can appreciate it. He's been better since he turned 40. Yeah, definitely. Statistically speaking, he's been better. But then, and I know

the ifs go every which way. If there's no helmet catch and all that shit, he has more Super Bowls. But if Dee Ford doesn't just stand there like a dickhead, a dickhead. He's so lucky that Tony Romo and the broadcast just didn't really cover that because he should be going down in history with Bill Buckner, with Scott Norwood, with anybody who's ever had a bonehead mistake in a big spot. They just glossed over it.

Did you see Andy Reid complaining about it today? What a fat fucker. No, what did he say? Usually they warn you and they tell you to get back, but they just didn't on that play. He saw it. He threw the flag before. You definitely see the ref.

He looks and he's kind of like, okay. You're going to just stand there? Why is it on the ref to warn you? Andy Reid, how about you warn your fucking players, don't line up in the neutral zone? I mean, not even like, oh, a toe over the line. It was like, the ref was probably like, I have to call that.

You know what I mean? He doesn't want to make that call, I'm sure. It's not like a toe over the line. He probably had to be like, you were... He didn't even know. When he threw the flag, he didn't know how the play turned out. Right, you don't know how the play turned out. Right. You don't know. It's going to be a game ending interception.

But if that happens, you know, Tom Brady walks off that field with three interceptions and a second half, like basically collapse, you know? And then, and then it's just, the rhetoric is totally different.

There's no diminishing what he does on the field, but I do think that his likeique is crazily one or two plays away from here or there from maybe just not really even being there. Not being near what it is. Yeah, but... Everybody. But what's weird about Brady and the Pats is that every game,

especially the Super Bowls, are always really close. So there's like... If you were to change five plays, he could be like, oh, for the whole fucking thing. There's some people that, you know, you can't change. Yeah, but there are, there's no, like, no doubters. You know what I mean? It's always like.

It's the two best teams in football playing. Yeah. Those are going to be blowout no doubters. Yeah, it's just crazy to be that consistent while also always, it's basically up to like a literal coin flip at times. I mean, you know, when the coin flip there, Mahomes probably marches down. Shut the fuck up. Shut up with the overtime rules.

I'm not saying change the rules, but I'm saying I think Pat Mahomes just goes and scores there. If the Chiefs win that coin toss, the Chiefs win, no one is talking about that today. No one is talking about that. It's driving national conversation now. Oh, should they change the rules? Patrick Mahomes didn't get to touch the ball. Did you watch the Saints game? The same fucking thing

happened. The Saints got the ball first. They lost. If the Chiefs wanted the ball, they could have gotten the ball. I'm not talking about changing the rules, but it is just a fact that I think whichever team got the ball there was scoring. I mean, the fact that they were able to march into field goal territory with like zero seconds left. I mean, I think both teams were gassed. I believe they didn't call timeout when the Chiefs defense literally like.

They're not going to stop anybody. Andy, God damn. It's it is even as much as I mean, I declared myself the number one pass realist on the planet. That's very right to be like... And even I... And Jared, to... What did you say? I did. I fucking bent the knee. Jared brought up when I was talking shit

during 28 to 3, which I said, even behind the scenes, I was saying to myself, like, they might come back here, but I'm going to try to get my money's worth in case they don't, and it's just a blowout. So I just started tweeting like an asshole on the inside. I was like, this is too early to be doing this.

So I always know the deal and I always expect the past to win. And I never count them out until it's over. And I did that this year. And all of that being said, it's still crazy that they're back. Like, like part of me is not surprised. I'm like,

yeah, that's what happens. And part of me is like, I can't believe it. Like I saw you and Dave celebrating and I i was like we're going back to atlanta we're going back to the super bowl and they're there again it's almost like not computer time in five years and and ever since we've been brendan's basically it was like i just stabbed him i mean the super bowl has always been just a barstool patriots like party it's not we go to the super bowl we

go to the patriots game when you look at you look at guys like Drew Brees, people think that Drew Brees is one of the best of all time. And he's done a fraction. If you just go to two consecutive Super Bowls, you're talked about for forever. You don't even need to win them. People talk about, oh, he led a team to a Super Bowl. And he goes all the time. This is his ninth. Yeah, he's been in the league 18 years. He's been to the the time. And he goes all the time. This is his ninth. Yeah, he's been in the league 18 years.

He's been to the Super Bowl nine times. Half the time. Every other year. Coin flip. Call heads. I'm in the Super Bowl. I really don't know. It doesn't even look like athleticism is what it's based on.

So I'm like, I don't know if age matters. Why can't he do this at 45? I think he's going to do it five more years. I think Tony said it last night on the broadcast. He's like, having Tom Brady on the field, it's like having your coach in the huddle. He knows everything. It's like having your offensive coordinator in the huddle where he can manipulate the game right there.

Little things come out where it's like, yeah, anyone will grant you. Patrick Mahomes is more athletic than Tom Brady. Is he a better quarterback? Absolutely not. No. There are so many other things that go into it. Just leading. Just look at the locker room.

The way he leads. Those guys will go to war for him. Julian Edelman literally says to him, he hugs him. He says, I love you. And he says, we got to get you one more so you can be Jordan. That's why I play. I want to make you fucking great. That's what he inspires guys to want to do that.

Tom Brady's greatness is so much more than the field. Would you ride off if you were him? If you won. If you won. If you won. No. After this one? I mean, if I... Why?

Just because, like... Brady's answer to that actually made... You still can't always... Yeah, he'll probably go back like four or five more times, but you can't guarantee the win. Like, to be able to make sure you... Because also, I mean, I guess if you wanted to say, like, now, if you get seven, you have more than Jordan, or you can start to do weird shit like that.

But those are really, like, bringing sand to the beach. Like, it really doesn't matter anymore. Unless he wins, like, ten. If I were him, I would not think that I couldn't get three or four more. Why would he think that? Why would he think that? If he plays, but his response to that Edelman thing made me think he's got five more. Because his response to that Edelman thing what made me think he's got five more because his response to that element thing was I play for you I just

like I fucking love you man and like I think he generally enjoys the camaraderie and like the teaching younger guys and hang out well he doesn't like teach he likes teaching other players yeah no no no wants to train like your replacement your replacement so yeah

the whole Jimmy G thing is so far in the rear view now. Are you guys even thinking about that guy anymore? No. We won't need it. Well, especially now that he's hurt and all that shit. But not even worried. I think all he would need is to just uncover another great player. They had Welker, and then it became Edelman, and Gronk came along.

If they find another talented young guy coming up, he's just going to be like, why don't I just play until that guy retires? But the thing is, he makes those guys. Yeah yeah and i think he likes that i know but it's just like all right i made three what's the difference between making three and making five what's the difference between making winning five and winning seven i think at some point it is diminishing returns where it's like i don't think he thinks already i don't know he thinks about his legacy he just he just literally wants to keep playing i think he just loves football i also think he gets it's not like he's like i'm sure i'm sure like mashing his brains and it's not like

you know what i mean he just like slings it i don't gets, it's not like he's like mashing his brains in. It's not like, you know what I mean? He just like sits back and slings it. I don't believe he's been sacked this postseason. I don't want to say, I know he wasn't sacked last night against the number one defensive line,

most sacks in the NFL. I know he wasn't sacked last night. He was hardly touched and I don't believe he was sacked against the Chargers either. They fucking blew the whistle.

I mean, that was such trash. That was insane. That was grotesque. That was insanely bad. That was damn near decapitation. I'll put that up against the whistle. I mean, that was such trash. That was insane. That was grotesque. That was insanely bad. That was damn near decapitation. I'll put that up against the Saints. The Saints no call.

That might have been, the Saints no call might have been the second worst call of the week. I specifically jumped on electric chair to see the reaction for that. I was waiting for it. And I love both of them instantaneously. We're like, whoa, oh my god. That's manslaughter. Kick that guy out of the league. Didn't miss a beat. Didn't look at it.

Even cringe and be like, uh-oh, got away with one. Instantaneously, we're like, oh my god, you gotta eject that guy. All time. Stop showing it. Jesus Christ. Can you pull up the two Feidelberg no's? I want to decide once and for all which Feidelberg no was the best.

My timeline should have it. An all-time electric chair performance from you guys. Did you watch back when you totally just fucking stiff-armed Dave on the hug? Yeah. It was great. Because you had your hands up, but they were kind of out. It could have been interpreted as like a hug move. And Dave goes for the hug and then realizes you're running away,

and he just, Like an airplane. He was very smooth with it too. That wasn't intentional. I just wanted to go tell Hank. Who's trapped in the fucking closet. And then you guys had your awkward hug afterwards. That's enough. Well, Dave's not a hugger. I'm a hugger.

So I would give a number one. But Dave doesn't like the hug. That's the full collapse of the crowd. There's no number one. Play it one more time. Oh, no! Love it. And then the other one is just like a...

Do you remember the other one? You probably don't even remember these things because you were doing it. No! Yeah, but do you remember what it was? I believe that was the interception. That was the... Oh, right, right. That would have been the end.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's when Dave pops his head up That was The scene You look like Bradley Cooper In a bender on Star is Born Like hair a mess You look like you've been sweating

You're just like Dying And then Dave's head Just like pops up You guys just I mean you You literally come back to life There's

I mean there were times You were a legitimate crazy person In the stream Like the one Tony yes it is the game! Tony, it is the game! Listen to this laugh. Maniacal!

Maniacal! You guys are sick fucks. It's so awesome that they won this game so we can look back and laugh at these things. Oh yeah, because they would have been... Now whenever I see that gif, it'll be good memories. That would be one I see forever for the rest of my life. That would have been like on your tombstone of

a big, big L. You were saying you went through my timeline to enjoy it. I would have gone back to the electric chair and enjoyed yours. Watching you collapse. That was, it sucks. The electric chair sucks so bad. Not being able to look at your phone. It's the worst. I believe I'm still undefeated in the electric chair. Or I might have lost a game.

Your season. I might have lost a game or two or something like that during the Red Sox, but I am defeated in the electric chair. I'm 0 for 1. And I don't know if I'll ever get another shot. I said you should start having to do electric chairs for the teams you hate.

Yeah. Because it's the only way you're going to for the teams you hate I definitely thought about that it would have been good theater if I was there last night the only way I'm going to ever do electric chairs again is if we grossly move the goalposts on what qualifies like the Mets are playing in August and they're kind of sorta in it

electric chair! they're like tied to get into the wildcard game maybe fuck you man alright Sebastian Maniscalco We're like tied to get into the wild card game. Maybe. Maybe. Sort of. Fuck you, man. Thank you. All right. Sebastian Maniscalco.

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kfc for 10 off sebastian talk to him all right we got sebastian maniscalco here in the flesh live in person man it's a big deal you are a big deal now i've been i've been watching you a long time and i feel like you've really finally totally popped. You're at the Garden four nights, right? Yeah, four shows. I've been doing this for 20 years. So it's just been hitting the pavement, going to the comedy clubs, trying to get a fan base. So just like anything else, I mean, you don't start a business that becomes successful right away. I mean, you don't start a business, it becomes successful right away. I mean, there's definitely, you know, some, some things that happen that way. But for me, it's been, you know, 20 years of doing this. And finally now just kind of coming out of it. Yeah. I feel like that almost plays into your persona, like your personality, like the grind,

the old school, like work hard, you know, car, nothing ever happened for me fast in my life it's always been like a slow simmer and then we start to boil so yeah it's it's been a long road but now we're kind of reaping the benefits as evidenced by this jacket right here big fire

I like a jacket you're a big jacket guy when you start wearing Fur around your collar Then it's getting serious Is this fur or is this faux? I don't know what it is I'll tell you what

I might call Peter Just to see him throw A bag of red paint on you I don't know what it is I'm just I thought it was cool That's a jacket You show up to some buddies

And they're like Some guys have known you For a long time Oh this Wait You're wearing fucking fur fur you got it exactly right when my buddies are coming in saturday night from chicago and if i wear this jacket around them i'm gonna be ripped to shreds for 48 hours but then i'll get a call when'd you get the jeans love it the new special you got the blue leather on and i mean let's be honest it cannot be

comfortable to do an hour-long comedy set in a fucking leather jacket it's it's uh so what happened with me what happened with me is i'm always looking for a jacket a to cover up any sweat sweating that happens and be very very light on sweating through clothes oh i'm sweating through a lot a lot of clothes. I've sweat through leather before. You know how hard you have to sweat to do that? Only cows can sweat through leather. I've had those white, like, salt rings over a leather jacket, if you can believe it.

So, yeah, so I've found some leather jackets that are very kind of lightweight, and I don't sweat that much. I mean, I'd ask you to pass them along, but a jacket is like a good kept secret. You know what I mean? It's my fucking jacket. Anyway, maybe a shirt, maybe some shoes, jacket. No, no, no. That's a statement. No one's ever getting this. I'm sure you're sweating through it, though.

You're up on stage. You're always fucking moving around and kicking and shit. It's like a and shit it's like a whole performance it's a whole lot of physicality it's a lot of facial expressions that's kind of been my my staple throughout my career i didn't start that way uh it took a while to kind of get very comfortable on stage to really start doing physical humor and i always liked john ritter growing up watching three's company and he's very physical uh, not stand-up obviously but a comedic actor so that's where I got a lot of my physicality from. Would I be right to say

that Aren't You Embarrassed is like where the voice really like finally was like the thing Aren't you embarrassed? Yeah, I don't know. I just know after I watched that one I just started talking like a fucking moron all the time trying to do it myself, you know? Well, I'm glad you like it.

It's a moron. I sound like a moron. You sound hilarious. No, I think, yeah, you're right. I think that's where it started to kind of come together for me. I did a special before that, What's Wrong With People. But, you know, as you do stand up and as you do anything, you become a little bit more. You're always looking kind of for your voice.

And I think I found it. And aren't you embarrassed? And it's kind of continued since then. Do you talk like that like regularly? I don't know. I mean, like I look back at some of the specials and I go, wow, that's kind of like annoying. Like, I don't know. I could see, you know, it's like it's either for you or not.

I could see someone being like, you know, the voice. Yeah, I've gotten that. I could't know. It's very, I could see, you know, it's like, it's either for you or not. I could see someone being like, yeah, I've gotten the boys. Yeah. I've gotten that. Like I could also see, doesn't like anyone like look back and be like, I hate that about myself.

Like, I don't go to that high school pictures. You know, it's like the, the classic like trope in a romantic comedy. Like mom, don't show her my baby pictures. Like anytime before you are who you are.

You're like that kid fucking sucks. Yeah. Everything about that. So be honest. When we look back at the photos from this About maybe 5 to 7 years ago Are we going to look at the jacket and go What was he doing

Probably Probably Yeah mostly But like Look it's in style right now That's all that matters Yeah I guess you're right

What's the phrase Fashion goes out of style Style doesn't go out of fashion You're in style right now I like that Never all that matters yeah I guess you're right what's the phrase fashion goes out of style style goes out of fashion you're in style right now I like that never heard that before I saw your bit I saw the clip of you

on Howard Stern the other day talking about dinner with Seinfeld yeah that's gotta be a fucking moment huh well yeah

as a guy I grew up watching you know stand up his TV show and now we're sitting down and breaking bread together. So, uh, so situations when you're going out with these people that you kind of, you know, kind of admired growing up and now, you know, just having regular conversation that, uh, it's a little bit, a little bit mind blowing. Yeah. Weird.

Nerve wracking. Are you? Yeah. Like, I'm like like i'm never really comfortable uh it takes a while to get to know me and for my start peeling the onion back a little bit and uh yeah with with seinfeld it took a took a little bit but uh he's a great guy nice to hang out with loves comedy like no one i've ever met i mean this guy will dissect comedy and and yes science to him.

Oh, yeah. It's not just jokes. It's an art. No, it is. It is. And he's very passionate about it. Seinfeld handed him the wine list at dinner. That's pressure.

What do you do? I'm looking at the wine list. Go ahead. Well, listen, wine lists in general are very intimidating. Yeah. I've never had one. I've been at a table with one, but I don't think I've ever had one. They always give it to me.

You guys are in your 20s? I'm 33, but thank you very much. Alright, that's the interview. Well, I started drinking wine about 10 years ago, 35. Up until then, it was like scotch, Bacardi, and diet. And then all of a sudden,

I got introduced to wine, and I really enjoy it. But when you get to- So wait, what? You met your wife probably? I met my wife. That's everybody. A girl shows a wine and yep, yep. What are you drinking?

Yep. But her family's heavy into wine. So my father-in-law started teaching me about regions and where to come from and whatnot. And when I look at a wine list, I could navigate it. But again, when you're going out with somebody that you're not used to going out with and you're in charge of picking the wine, you know, if you pick the, you know, wrong one and they tasted and it's just, it's, it's a lot of pressure. A guy like that. It's like,

you don't want to be tacky and just go for the really expensive shit. Again, you were saying, you don't know who was paying, but you also don't know what the middle of the road, you don't want to get something cheap. That's, you know, me or you, whatever. Seinfeld's at the other end of the table, who's probably used to the finest of the finest. Like, oh, this schmuck picked the multiple Chiano, you know, like, what the fuck I know is. Yeah, so it was a bit of pressure. But, I mean, I got a nice little bottle.

It wasn't that expensive, but I recognized it from having it before. And I'm like, yeah, this is what this will do. Surprised you and your family are not wine people? I feel like that would feel like growing up we had a we had a jug of uh call it Rossi Ernst and Gallo my grandma was it was the jug with the little tiny handle and and she would drink it out of a regular fucking cup with a huge ice cube I did I did, when I was probably 16 one summer, I did, it was like, it was construction,

but it wasn't, I like, I worked for my dad's like friend. I would move rocks every day. It was like communist Russia. Like I was just,

I just had a job so I could say I had a job where I would just move piles of rocks every single day. But there was one guy on the site who would show up

an hour early every morning and drink about half a bottle of that. And in his, outside his parking spot, like no one would clean it up. I swear to God, there were 40 bottles of that. Just jugs? Just jugs.

He would finish it by the end of the day, just throw it out the window. And it was just this huge pile of them sitting in the corner for the entire summer. Jug wine is special. I mean, to have a bottle that big and just have for your index finger to pick it up. I mean, what, what, what were they thinking on that?

I think should be a huge handle it for two hands. That's like the bicycles that have giant wheel and a little tiny wheel in the back. It doesn't make any goddamn sense. I don't know what's up with that. Uh, your family, I feel like is obviously the,

the, the huge source of, of your comedy. Yeah. Yeah. And I also get the impression it's very true. Not much made up, probably not much exaggerated. No, the truth is always funny,

and I find it a lot in my father. Not so much my mother yet. I haven't really weaved her into the act. I have a sister who nobody knows about. I mean, when I say I have a sister, they're like, oh, you don't talk about it. I'm the same way, man. Yeah, you want to protect certain people. The guys can take it. The women, when I say I have a sister, they're like, oh, you don't talk about it. I'm the same way, man. Yeah.

You want to protect certain people. The guys can take it. The women, you're a little more protective of. Yeah. Maybe it's that. But my father is just such a big personality. He's a hairstylist. He's 72 years old.

Oh, yeah. This guy does hair like no other. He's not a barber. This guy is like styling hair. He's dyeing it. He's, you know, he told, I go, Dan, you know, you charge, you charge. I think he was charging a hundred bucks at the time for a haircut. I go, a hundred dollars is a lot of money.

He goes, listen, you, you go out, you buy a shirt, right? You spend what? A hundred dollars on your shirt. You wear that once a week, maybe once every two weeks, you wear your hair every day. Every day. Woo. It's a fact. All day. It's a fact. Alright. That's a fucking sell right there. That's how he justified the haircut price.

I'll tell you what, I'll get a haircut from him right now. That's impressive. Yeah, I mean, I love the guys who are like, I get my haircut for $10. Well, it looks like it. You walk around with a $10 haircut every single day. I can tell. So do you guys go to the same guy to cut your hair every time? Same girl.

Okay. So how long have you been there for a while? Three years. Since I moved to New York. So about three years. Yeah, same thing. Okay. So yeah, I feel like once you have somebody, you don't lose that person.

No. And she's a pit bull. Like if she found out, she'd fucking kill you. It would be like, is that why you're not going anywhere else? I mean, she does a great job, but I'm also like, shit. You know, there'll be times I'm like, I need a haircut. She's like, I'm booked. And I'm like, all right, I could go somewhere else.

Or I'm probably just going to have shitty hair for the next week because I'm afraid of you. There are times I've been at home. Like, you know, because we get like breaks here and there. And I've been home for an extended period of time where I was like, I really need a haircut. And I'm just going to wear a hat for a a couple weeks until I get back to New York because I don't fuck with Eric. Do you go to your dad? No. That's kind of weird. I used to, obviously, when I was living in

Chicago, but now I go to somebody. Did he give you a hard time about that? No, but he'll let me know if the haircut's no good. I'll look at it. The back is too short. Alright, thank you. I've literally never seen the back

of my head I could have gone my whole life without knowing that so and now I feel like your wife is in your routine as well

I mean in the latest one Stay Hungry I don't know I'm making it's not like rude but you know you bring it up how they're different

from your family and how it's how they're little foo-foo and hippie and shit has that ever been a you know source of tension no they're really good with it you know the family's like go ahead you know just it's important do you ask permission a lot i only have

asked permission on one of the jokes and that joke was um my wife's father had passed away and i do a joke about going to the grave site and there is another what would happen was they bought two two plots so my wife's father passes away we go to see him and there was a an empty plot next to him which was going to be for my mother-in-law well my mother-in-law has since remarried so as we're there I'm looking at the two plans and I go to my wife, I go, is your mother-in-law still going to get buried here with the original or now with the new guy?

Cause it's paid for and, and you know, we've got to use it. Someone's going here. So I just thought that was a little too kind of close to home. So I asked my mother-in-law, do you mind if I go ahead and get the green light? Yeah, that's awesome. That's a great joke.

That's a funny bit to ask that. Yeah. I mean, I just it was a really good premise for a joke. And I don't know how many people would think about what what about an empty gravesite. But, yeah, she was she was really sweet about it. And I mean, there's other things that I could talk about with my wife's family and I've really ventured into those things

and they've been nothing but supportive they said listen if it's gonna sell out Madison Square Garden that's the thing you're gonna be wearing fur jackets you can do it seriously though I wonder like you know if you do you think you have more leeway with that kind of shit because, I wonder like, you know, if you do you think you have more

leeway with that kind of shit because of your success? Like if you were struggling, you think they'd be like dude, shut up or is it like, hey they were struggling, you don't have to ask permission. They don't get nobody's internet. Well, I met my wife 10 years ago and I wasn't I mean, I was just a working comedian. I would

go to comedy clubs, you know for five nights or whatever it was. And, you know, wasn't making any money. And I was kind of doing it back then, but just on the outer surface. But, yeah, I mean, I just think that's their personality. We could all kind of laugh at ourselves. It's not coming out of a hateful place. It's more like, hey, you grew up this way.

I grew up that way. and now we have a baby and now i'm starting to see the differences really clearly on like we had a birthday party for my my daughter seraphina and the way i had birthday parties growing up a lot different than my wife my wife had you know they went to a uh they went out and rented a salon to get their nails done. We didn't rent anything. Went to the backyard. Backyard, yeah. Water balloon fights.

That's where I come from. So who's winning out on Serafina? Is it more your influence or her influence? It's like a little mini. Getting both? Well, I don't know. I, my,

my daughter's very skeptical of people. Like if I brought her in there, she's only 20 months and you said, hi, she'd kind of look at you kind of up and down. What does this guy want? Which is kind of like me. Yeah.

But, uh, she does have a lot of, she has a big personality, which is my wife. And she's, uh, always smiling,

very happy kid, which is totally my wife. Definitely not you. Would you say, I mean, I feel like, is it fair to say that you generally dislike people, or is that too harsh? It's too harsh. I'm not one of these guys. My wife is a little bit more open when she meets, let's say, a couple. We'll go out to dinner with a couple.

Yeah, even when he just talks like that, I laugh. Couple. Couple. So they're, you know, she goes, oh, they're sweet. I go, something's wrong with the guy. I'm the same way. I'm always like clocking like what's going on underneath. Yes.

I always sense something is off a little bit about someone. Not that I'm looking for it. It kind of just comes to me. It's not like I'm analyzing someone going, is somebody right? It's just like, oh, the way he did something or the way he behaved at the dinner table. It could be the wife, too.

I will always kind of hone in on that and go, is someone right? Do people know that now though? Yeah. It's always like, it's like, it's like, like,

like men are picky with, with women that we choose to spend our lives with, but we're even more picky with men. Like, like did that? He held his fork weird. I can never see that guy. Yeah.

No shot. No doubt. He held his fork overhead. No fucking chance. Am I going to dinner with that guy? Well, cause the girl, the girl is always going to be a little bit different from you.

Obviously the guy is like, we got to line up here. I'm not going to deal with it. Yeah. Like, like I was out one night with a couple. Actually, it was a birthday party. And it was my wife's birthday party. And at the time, I wasn't making a lot of money. But I feel like if I'm going to invite you guys out for a birthday party and it's at a restaurant, I ain't going to ask you guys to buck up.

Right? So have you ever been in a situation where they're like, it's my birthday. Come to the bar that we're going to celebrate. I'm thinking open bar, right? We're going to do separate tabs? Yeah. It's not college. There's a certain age you reach where you start picking up the bill.

So this guy is like 40. We're all in our 40s at the table and the bill came and obviously I was going to pick it up but I'm looking for someone to reach. Put up a fight. And this guy goes, you sure?

I go, wait a minute. You're starting with your sure? That's where you end. That's where you end. That's where you end, you know? This guy didn't do nothing. So right away, my wife's like, wasn't that a great birthday? Let me tell you what happened on my side of the table. This guy pulled in, are you sure?

Right when the bill came, she's like, what? She doesn't even process it. So, yeah, those are the things that bother me, and I hook onto it. I can't let it go. I'll wake up the next morning going, could you believe the shirt? And she don't, she don't like, she don't hop on board with me a lot of the times. Yeah. I mean, probably for the best.

It's like, it's good to be challenged, but it's also like, come on. I need somebody to get in this guy with me yeah like i'm not gonna go murder the guy but let's let's let's take two hours let's set two hours aside and give seraphina a nap and let's just roast this guy let's roast the guy that's what i'm talking about i don't get to roast with my wife i gotta call my family and i'll explain that short story and they're like what and we talk about it for two hours that's why my mom's like why are you on the phone with your sister all the time i go because we're bitching about things that you

don't like to bitch about i feel like she's a saint though i feel like maybe you're married to you probably can't be the easiest no a lot a lot a lot of shit going on there. A lot comes with this package. So thank God for her. Yeah. Do you, um, the one that always sticks out in my mind is when you're at like the dinner party or whatever cocktail, you're at somebody's house and everybody has to take their shoes off and

you're standing around with the one guy who doesn't even have any socks on. Oh my God. Yeah, exactly. So just like, you know, stand around the living room drinking beers at the house and like no this guy didn't have any shoes on he's like i can see your toes but now that guy you

know he sees that act he knows or all your friends know now if sebastian comes over like you better but keep your shoes on you better walk out with a pair of socks in your pocket which is not a lot to ask but you know at this point are people on guard? On alert? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, again, these are exaggerated situations. They come out of truth. Like when you walk in and you do see like a shoe farm at the door and you're like, oh, God, it's one of these parties. This is what I don't like. When you look at a shoe, it's normally a sandal.

And then you could tell the imprint of the foot in the sandal. Like how long have you been wearing this sandal where it's now formed to your foot? It's time to throw it out when I could tell your footprint in the shoe. Don't like that look whatsoever. It's another thing I could talk about for two hours. Shoeprints. This, I feel, this year was the biggest year for gender reveals. I mean, we put it on our site a thousand times on our Instagram.

Every fucking day I'd come in, there'd be some guy, you know, trying to hit a baseball and he'd swing and miss it. Or trying to catch a football and they'd drop it. So not only are they doing the gender reveals, they're doing them poorly. But I would imagine a gender reveal is something that bothers you. It bothers me. And you'll never see that come out of my house. We're not going to

the golf course to hit a ball and see if it's pink or not after we hit it. I mean, I don't know. Everybody's got to make a small thing a big thing now. And then they got to put it on Instagram and go, oh, look at this. Listen, I understand if you want to do the Instagram and pop a few things up there,

but it's getting a little out of hand. It is, but here's the deal with all that stuff, right? It's like in seven years, we're still going to be talking about gender reveals. Like, I blame you because you do a funny bit about it, and then everyone watches your funny bit, and then for the next seven years, they're going to think they're going to be trying to recreate it where like gender reveals are long gone. Like people are still talking about CrossFit and vegans.

I've never met someone who does either of those things. But it's still like it's the crutch that like the regular Joe falls to where it's like, oh, it's like a Cross like the regular Joe falls to where it's like, Oh, it's like a CrossFit. I'm like, I don't know what CrossFit is, man. Like CrossFit was a fad for six months. And now everybody's still talking about it. Like I've never met a vegan in my entire life, but people talk about that.

Like, Oh, you know, when you sit at dinner with a vegan, you never have. I know you have. You saw a comedy bit about it and you're just still talking about it. Well, you live, where do you normally live? You live in Boston? I was born in Boston. Okay. So listen,. Okay, so listen. It's very geographical.

A lot of vegans aren't coming out of the Boston area. True story. You live in LA. They're flying around everywhere. Are they? Oh, yeah. I feel like New York would be a hotbed, too. Have you ever met a vegan?

Never. Well, once you get out of this room and walk around, you'll start meeting some vegans that's true well you are admittedly homework homework homework bar homework bar homework bar that's it that's yeah there there aren't many vegans at the smith either i'll admit that so uh the stay hungry tour is what you're on now four nights of the garden That's big, man. Are you doing arenas regularly? Is that like? Not so much arenas regularly.

I've done about seven or eight leading up to this point. And these are in markets that are kind of popular in the Connecticut's, the Philadelphia's, the Toronto's. So am I used to You used to major cities You could list like smaller markets Like yeah like you know The markets are popular The biggest markets in the

Country But you know I'll do Four shows at the Garden But like next week I'm going to Cincinnati in a 2000 seat theater. So it's not, it's very uneven as far as my popularity is concerned. So,

um, do you, do you credit a lot of your popularity to social media? Cause I've seen, I, I stay hungry was actually the first special of yours I'd watch, but I'd seen you on social media fairly often. And,

uh, but you, I don't think a lot of comedians use it like you and then you have you have a social team now like i've i thought of this when you were sitting out with seinfeld and seinfeld only tweets out links to his shows that's basically it and like he never tweets anything he never tweets bits or anything like that do you think like a lot of that has to do a lot of your success has to do with that yeah i i think you know people uh like to share my bits whether it be Facebook or Twitter,

and I put them up and kind of share them in little vignettes where people go, hey, have you seen this guy? Have you seen what he's doing? But if you look at my social media following, it pales in comparison to a lot of the people that are really, really major stars. I've got millions and millions of followers. But I feel like you go viral a lot, and they never go viral. I don't and millions of followers, but I feel like you go viral a lot and they never go viral. I don't know what it is,

man. If you look at, I mean, look, I got like 600,000, whatever Instagram followers, but then you got someone like the rock who's got 90 million. All right.

So it, but on the flip side, I'm doing four nights at, at Madison square garden. It doesn't really, it doesn't match up. It doesn't match up. It doesn't match up. My audience skews a little older.

Makes sense. My buddies in Chicago, they don't even have Instagram. I actually feel like you would be averse to social media. Did it take you a while to get comfortable with it, get into it? Yeah, I thought it was, what am I going to do? Do people really want to see this? I was one of those older kind of curmudgeon.

Any guys like the Internet is going to die. It's a fad. My grandmother told me that computers were a fad. The whole fucking

machine, not even the Internet, just a machine. These are going to be gone in five years. I mean, she wasn't totally wrong. Became laptops. All right.

That's a stretch. Steve Jobs. He's a visionary. Eventually,, he's a visionary, man. He's like, this thing's too chunky. We're going to have to put this in my pocket sooner or later. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. They're like, this is kind of replaced even the laptop.

I mean, guys like your age, I would assume, are doing a lot of their internet or social media right here. I mean, when's the last time you opened up a laptop? Well, we're here. We work. Regular, but my friends don't even have laptops at home anymore. Anything like that. Yeah, I mean, although I do like a laptop, I feel like if you open up a laptop, things are happening.

I also like to kill my sperm count. Just pop that on the wall. Watch the TV. Just really throw those things in the microwave. Yeah, you're done, dude. You got no shot. I'm so infertile. It's fucking cool. Well, thank you.

We really appreciate you coming through. Stay Hungry Tour is, I mean, it's everywhere, right? So if you're in basically all the major cities of the world, you can fucking go see Sebastian at the Garden this weekend and check out the special on Netflix. Yeah, and SebastianLive.com if you want to check out where I'm going on the Stay Hungry Tour.

It's basically going to last the whole year. Awesome. Thanks, man. Alright, big thanks to Sebastian who came through with... Came through Drippin'. Yes. As the kids say, came through Drippin'. He had a pair of like... I'm always looking at the footwear.

Usually I'm looking for Ye, you know, Yeezys and Jordans and Adidas and shit. And he had on some like Italian leather sneakers that I'm sure were like $2,500. You know, I mean, he saw MSG four times. You can afford that. Yeah. For the rest of us who are looking to have some dope sneakers

on your feet, but maybe don't have that Sebastian Maniscalco money. You got to check out Greats, Brooklyn's first sneaker company. They got men and women styles. They got high quality Italian leather. I actually bet you it was Sebastian with rock Greats. I feel like they would be up to par on him. All leather styles, classic, modern, all different colorways. They got the slip-ons. They got the lace-ups. They've got low tops, high tops, everything. All high quality Italian leather with Italian craftsmanship in Brooklyn. These guys started. I've been following them for a long time.

They had one pair, one silhouette, and now they have blown up and made with only the finest materials. So you get a really, really nice high quality pair of sneakers. I got the low top Wor Worcesters with the veg tan. Very slick. Not appropriate for this weather right now. God. Damn. It's one of those weekends that makes you want to move out of here. But when the weather

hits, when the weather changes, you're going to be rocking that slip-on, looking great with my greats. Go to greats.com. Check out any style you want. Promo code KFC for 15% off your purchase. Get yourself some greats.com. Check out any style you want. Promo code KFC for 15% off your purchase. Get yourself some greats. We'll get to our voicemails in a minute. But today our buddy Clem put up a blog about the latest scam going on around the world.

And I got to be honest, this was a shot to the ego. Because me and Fights have been targeted in this scam. It's like a catfishing scam. And I thought that me and Fights both had either a pursuer, a suitor of sorts, a lady who wanted our attention, both of us. Or I thought we were both the target of an individual, systematic, planned out catfish. And it turns out we're just another fucking face in the crowd. I got a text. I got a text.

Uh, I got a couple texts and it's just this random girl pulling her, pulling her tits out. Yeah. Bra on. And then the next one was, it had her face in it as well. Yep.

And I was kind of like, Oh, okay. But something felt fishy about it. I actually never responded to responded to it because like this feels like a catfish and i brought it up to fights actually no i think you just sent me a screenshot being like yo check this out and i was like i just got this same picture and so i thought some stoolie some chick has our our numbers somehow is it 240 erica it was mary Maryland, so that could happen. It's possible, yeah, like Eastern Seaboard.

It's not like it was Wyoming or some shit. I believe it was Maryland. We both kind of discussed it. Fights had a little back and forth, and I thought, hey, this girl wants to fuck us. And then I thought, this is not a girl at all. This is a dude.

But that's still kind of flattering. That some dude was going to try to take us down or whatever. It's like, I don't know. Me and my buddy, we're thick as thieves here. You're not going to catfish us into anything stupid. Yeah, I'm not dumb enough to believe a woman is just sending me pictures unsolicited. Bro, we got a little bit of clout these days. We don't have a clout like that.

It ain't popping like that. It's funny. I remember I was- I'll show put it put it up there you go if you're a gold listener right now you can you can take a look at the video if you're not you're poor you're probably not getting catfished or anything i actually no yeah she can get it i texted my buddy like my best friend in the world i was having one one of my divorcee mental breakdowns, just being like, I don't know what this is. This is all fucked up. What am I going to do? This life's hard.

And he was like, yo, just focus on yourself. Don't even worry about any chicks. Don't worry about anything other than your kids and work, even his pep talk. And a second later, that popped through. Because I was like, yeah, fuck girls. That's it. I'm just going to focus on me and the kids and the job i don't need it like the next second that picture comes through and i was like how am i supposed to fucking deal with you know what how am i supposed to put with that going on doug so it came at a

very inopportune time but then i saw feist was going through it you ended up having some back and forth and it was just a lot of like, Hey, I was, I was drunk and I was in, uh, I was drunk in Chicago and I was like, I'm bored. Yeah. Cause when we both didn't respond at first, it was like, boo, you're no fun. Yup. And so I replied, uh, Oh wait, no, actually when I, the first time it happened, it was, I was sober. And so I said, Hey, sorry, I think you have the wrong number, but Merry Christmas to you, too.

Because it was Merry Christmas, come back, was like her first picture. And she said, what? It's Megan. And I didn't reply to that. She goes, oh, you're no fun. Do you want to see more? Hey, boo you. Just like unanswered text after unanswered text, right?

Boo you came at 1.15 in the morning. And i was in chicago and i was like whatever so i said oh shit what up girl said what are you doing i said just being happy you texted me how about you she said are you out i said totes she said where i said chicago how you been i haven't seen you in forever it's like chicago you didn't like the pic I sent you before. I said, no, not really. It was uninspired. Great line. Stop right there.

If you're looking to do a little cat and mouse, play a little bit of game with a girl, trying to do the sexting thing, trying to motivate her, trying to get her, telling her that she sent an uninspired pic is so fucking condescending. And it's only going to make them be like, inspire this motherfucker.

And she goes, how so? Like, yeah, like, would it stop being like that? This is a catfisher. This is a fucking,

this is probably just some like Arab dude trying to scam us and even he was like, wait a second, that's a great fucking pic, okay? She, I go, I don't know,

you didn't even take the floor mat off the shower because it's hanging off the, you know, like in a hotel, like you kind of, you got to put it down. Yep.

And I said, I don't even bother to take the floor mat off the shower. She goes, ah, the setting gets you. So what are you doing? I said, just missing you.

How about you? She goes, ha, what are you thinking about? I said, how weird John Malkovich looks with hair. Great line! Great line!

I remember him sending me these screenshots being like, this game is on point. You tell a girl something like that and she's like, what are you thinking? And she expects you to be like, thinking about how your pussy's wet. And you're like,

John Malkovich with hair looks weird? Their minds, they don't know what to do. Again, like, stops like the long words. When does he have hair? Like, broke character being like, that is actually interesting. Can I Google that? What role does he have hair like broke character being like that is actually interesting wait can i google that what what role does he have hair in said mile 22 she goes hmm not into it

it's like no no one is she goes sad let's get back to my long letters let's get back to the point here she goes i guess uh she goes come here, okay, on my way. She goes, you naked? I said, totally naked and doing a sexy dancer or something. She goes, oh, hot. Gets me wet. I said, cool. That's it? That's it. It's over.

I guess as the scam goes, you send a couple pictures, you reel them in, and then they say, if you want more, you got to send money. And that's how they're scamming people. She never replied to the cool. That was it. I think knew this one this one ain't worth it this is you know what i'm throwing a lot of bait out there and he's really just being a dickhead back to me that this probably has like a 99 success rate and they ran up against you and they were like this is a useless cause this guy doesn't give a fuck i was on the blog and like when you open up the dashboard of barstool there's a picture gallery of all the pictures being uploaded to use on the blog and like when you open up the dashboard of barstool, there's a picture gallery of all the pictures being uploaded to use on the

blog. So you can see what other people, what other pictures are being used. You don't know which blog it is or who's writing it, but you can see the picture. And I saw the tits and I was like, I know those tits. I was like,

wait a minute. Is someone else catfished here? And then it turned out it was the whole world. Big time ego shot. It's like, Oh no. Yeah. It's like,

it's like, uh, it's like it's like uh like i i don't know how reddit works as well so like i would go on reddit and be like dude like the barstool post is like number one and they're like yeah it's because you subscribe to it you know what i mean like you don't know the rules where it's like it's not actually number one it's just your shit you're looking at i thought i thought i was like number one i don't subscribe to anything yeah that that right, you're talking about Reddit, but that also just means like your life.

I just don't subscribe. Patriots football. Tom Brady. That's all I subscribe to. I only know, I don't know how to use Reddit either, so I only go to the front page. Totally changing gears.

Yeah, let's do it. Percentage chance you ever end up doing some sort of content with Tom Brady. He slid up in the DMs. He's getting pretty high. Yeah, he slid up in the DMs. He's getting pretty high. Yeah, he slid up in the DMs.

He gave the fist bump in the LFG. Well, we were supposed to do something with him last year. I don't know if we're allowed to talk about it. I think we just leave it as that. I don't know. Oh, fuck it. We're going to say it? I'm fine.

We're going to fuck it. We were going to race Aston Martins with him. Oh, I didn't know this. Yeah, it was like they wanted to do a video where we go. Tom Brady or Aston Martin? Yeah, Brady. And it was like his Aston do a video where we go. Tom Brady or like Aston Martin? Yeah, Brady. And it was like his Aston Martins. Like he wanted the Brady 4 to come out.

Oh, my God. And we were all going to. I don't know if it was racing Aston Martins. I think what they should do is have like the Jets loser there too. And you know what? Even this. Even this. I'll be a guy about it.

Give me like a jalopy. Like you guys have Aston Martins and I'm in like a Honda minivan. You know? I'll fall on that sword. It was like, it just, it just kind of fell through. But yeah,

he wanted the Brady four and like we were into a commercial. We were like, I'm sure it wasn't racing. I, the details were the guy. It never, it never got very close to being final, but it did.

And he pitched it. Yeah. It was, they contacted us about it. I'll tell you what I would do. If I did that, I'd like have fun. I would like do the thing would do if I did that. I'd have fun. I would do the thing and on the last run,

the last race, I would crash the shit out of that and I would hope for a non-lethal, horrible injury where Tom Brady has to basically take care of me for the rest of my life. He would. In a locker room video, that's the kind of guy he is. Motherfucker. I don't know what happened with that.

I want you to do something with him. I don't want Dave to do anything with him. I imagine if it happens, it's going to be Dave. Dave will be there as well. We need him to pull a Cutler. Everyone Cutler was like, I'll come on KFC radio, but it cannot, you cannot have Dave on there at all. That was still the best move any celebrity has ever pulled. Imagine if Tom Brady was like, yeah, no, I'll come through.

Like I'll do everything and do the car wash, all the shows, but no Dave. No Dave. It would kill him. It would absolutely kill him. Oh, it would break his heart. I actually. I wouldn't. I wouldn't, but no Dave. No Dave. It would kill him. It would absolutely kill him. Oh, it would break his heart. I actually... I wouldn't wish that upon him. I don't wish that upon him.

I might wish that upon him. Voicemail time. Get quip. Get your teeth cleaned up. Tom Brady has dentures. He's wearing dentures. Those teeth are dentures. I actually hope he does.

I think it's like... Because winning the Super Bowl with dentures would be so awesome he does i think it's i think it's like winning the super bowl with dentures would be so awesome imagine if he just like takes him out you're gonna go to disney world i think that like the robot ai artificial intelligence scientists like needed to upgrade him like those teeth were like deteriorating or something they pop new ones in there i don't know how to deal with them yet got fucking fake teeth up in there you got some real teeth you got to take care of them. Having a million dollar smile is the most important. I mean, that's like probably right up there with

Brady's arm. This is a smile. This is fucking, you know, a moneymaker. It sure is. It sure is. I'm just looking at it right now. I've just been doing that all day. Just like open my phone. Just watching him. You got to stick to the routine. You got to stick to the basics. And Quip helps you do that

not only with an electric toothbrush, but the replacement brush heads. Because I'm out here brushing my teeth with the old bristles. I mean, what was the last time you... That's why you don't brush your teeth. What, because I don't have the nice bristles? Yeah, it's not comfortable. Quip, you get a Quip. I actually did sign up for Quip. I just haven't had the brush heads haven't come yet.

Because I... When they shamed me into it, because they were like, you're just brushing with old bristles i'm like oh yeah it's like i'm out here just brushing with like like a feather you know it's not gonna do anything so they just show up uh on the dentist recommended schedule so it's like oh time time to change my brush head because here it is so uh you got the best brush possible for the most affordable price right now uh you can do every three months for just five bucks. You start at $25, you get the brush, and you go to getquip.com slash KFC,

get your first refill pack for free. That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash KFC. Start at 25 bucks, get your first refill pack for free. Voicemails, what do we got? What's up, KFC Fights, Super Producer BC. Got a little would you rather for you guys. So here it goes. Would you rather only be able to go to one bar for the rest of your life

or never be able to go to the same bar twice? At face value, sounds like a pretty simple question. But keep in mind, if you only are able to go to one bar, that means every time you travel, you can never check out what the local scene is. And if you can never go to the same bar twice, that means that wherever you live, you have to go to a different bar every single time you go out. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks a lot. Viva. I think this is an easy answer.

I think this is an easy answer for us. I think it would be different for other people. I think if you're fun and shit it's probably a hard answer But we're not so it's easy I mean I strive to Have one bar Oh no see I'm giving you the opposite answer I thought we'd be on the same page

Like you have your local spot You know your bartender you know your drink You have your assigned seat basically If I was a regular person yes that's what I would take But we travel a lot oh true okay yeah yeah so right right right right like we go to the super bowl in atlanta we can't go to a bar it's impossible and also living in new york city you have so many bars yeah but i would i'd like to have in like one i i prefer one it's just this is just born of necessity i i have to when i, I have to be able to go to bars.

And if you lock in and you move, then you're done. Then you're fucked. We're going to die here. Or if your office moves. Yeah, that's true. So you really just can't. It's just the potential for disaster that you got to avoid. Yeah. I loved, I had Artica on Murray Hill.

I don't know what it is now on 28th and 3rd I had Rathbones uptown those were just like my spots and I loved having that I love having like that my preference if I was a person who lived in like what would you worry about that like moving getting reassigned whatever and then you're just fucked

I think most people don't really worry about moving I think most people choose a town like I'm gonna live here forever maybe worry about moving. I think most people choose a town, like, I'm going to live here forever. Stay there forever, yeah. I think, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like, well, actually, no, because a good amount of my friends have moved a lot.

I bet you that's also, like, you know, Northeast type shit. Like, a lot of people, whatever town you're born in, you just stay there forever, you know? But, like, that's what I thought, but now I'm thinking about my buddies, and, like, one lives in Chicago now,

one lived in Austin before, one lived in Denver, Yeah, but you're all, like, you're like a Northeast crew right you know what i mean like you you know you oh you're saying northeast moves yeah i mean you might stay in your city i think you're you're you're more prone to like you might have a job where you might get relocated you have more opportunities that might be like oh the chicago office opened up or whatever you know i think a lot of like rural america is just like yeah yeah yeah for, yeah. For sure. This is the town I work in.

That's it. I go to my state school, and then I move home. Yeah. Work on my farm or my store or whatever, maybe. Yeah, I guess, you know, given all those... You can't go on vacation. But actually, no, because, like, everyone goes on vacation. That's true.

Like, you go on vacation, you can't go out. You can't go to the bar. You can't go to the hotel bar. Fine, fine. I'll give it to you. But I'm saying, if you're telling me to pick between the ability to bar hop versus the ability to have a home bar, I'm picking a home bar. That's true. Yes.

Is my ideal night going to like 10 bars in a night or like walking in and be like, what's up? And my order's right there and they give me buybacks and all that shit. That I'm taking a thousand times out of a thousand. Yeah. Not even like bar hopping in one night. Like bar hopping weekend to weekend. In general. Right.

Where's the spot this weekend? Same spot always is. That's perfect for me. We were literally above the bar that we used to go to. Go downstairs and it's there. That's awesome. We used to spend rent. Like the exact same amount of money that we spent on rent to live was also spent at the bar each month. It was bad.

It looked like the credit card statement. I was like, yo. Like between us, we probably gave that bar like 60 grand a year. Oh my God. Maybe a little less because rent was,

it was probably like a thousand bucks a man. Yeah, no. It was probably like a thousand bucks a man. There was four of us. Four times 60. Fucking 50 grand.

Let's get him out. That's a lot of fucking money. Let's get him out. Hey, KFC, fight to produce a BC. First time, long time.

So tonight, Syracuse just beat Duke and Bayheim pissed himself, allegedly. So my buddy called me and he

tells me that one of our good friends from home also just pissed himself regularly. So he'll be out at the bar, not even pissed drunk. And he's like, oh shit, I got to pee. Cause I got a line for long sits at the bar and just pissed himself.

I mean, it's gotten to the point where apparently he just doesn't wear khakis out cause he knows he's got to make sure he can't see the piss coming out. Um, so I'm just pretty rattled right now. I don't know what to do. I mean, I can't talk to this guy again, right? Like what, what do I do with this situation? This is my guy. I'm sure I canled right now I don't know what to do I mean I can't talk to this guy again right Like what What do I do This situation

This is My guy I'm shocked I can't do this show anymore I'm done Still talk to this guy I can't do this show anymore I can't do Patriots

I can't do Tom Brady I can't do fucking My friends piss themselves on purpose Is that normal or not Like what are we talking about This is crazy Is there a chance he misunderstood Cause I have a friend

Who does I would love to even know What the misunderstanding is He does that if we're at like a beachside bar an outside bar he just pisses on the bar so he goes up to order a drink just takes his dick out like while he's standing there ordering a drink he's just peeing so like i know that i know that trick well i know guys who do that in bars in the bronx not like a beach bar not like in there uh in like board shorts like like people there's a guy used to work here who do that in bars in the Bronx. Not like a beach bar, not like in their board shorts. There's a guy who used to work here who did that. He'd just pop it through the fly and just piss on the fucking indoor bar.

And so it's a wild move. There are only three employees who don't work here. Who used to work here, yeah. You could probably narrow it down. That's one thing. Also completely and utterly despicable if you do that. Yes. That's one thing. Also completely and utterly despicable if you do that. It's not fun. It's like, oh, I'm going to piss.

It's like, okay, now some of you guys have to mop up your piss. I've never done that. There have been times where I really wanted to do it, but I've never had the balls to pull that one off. The pee doesn't come out of the balls. It's a common misconception. I know guys who do it at the boardie barn where it's like, yeah, duh. who do it at the boardy barn where it's like yeah duh

like you're just covered in mud and piss and you're just peeing in your board shorts to do this regularly to the point that you have to pick like alright I just gotta wear my black pants cause I'm gonna piss tonight like no you need to be removed from society do you piss in your jeans

you're not wearing khakis because you don't want people to see the piss but like what Do you have to piss in your jeans? You're not wearing khakis because you don't want people to see the piss. What about you just being covered in piss all night? Also, you can see it through jeans. What are you wearing, black jeans? It has to be black, black, black for you to not be able to get away with it. And then you're just sopping wet with piss for the night? What are we talking about? Isn't it amazing that you can be self-conscious about stuff

and then there are people who are like don't choose to not drink and don't choose to not go out. If this was something that happened to me I'd be like, I watch movies at home. How about this? How about being self-conscious about this? Like, I can't wear my khaki anymore because I gotta piss my pants.

Otherwise, that would be embarrassing. You'll piss your pants in public on purpose. Why are you worried about it? Crazy, man. So what are we even talking about where it's like, do you just stop talking to people the rest of the night? What do you do?

I would imagine this guy. You can't talk to a girl. I would imagine this guy. When things go well and you take her home. I imagine this guy powers through Takes your pee pants off Like Your dick still smells like piss

Like If you piss your pants at a bar Your night's over Go home I better pee Yeah that's what I mean Like you have to go home What would you do

How would you navigate Like If you were like Shit now I gotta go home With this girl Cause one time I shit my pants And I had to take my boxers off

And I went home With the girl and i had to sneak and put a pair up back on because anyway because otherwise i was wearing corduroys we just said if you miss your pants your night is absolutely over but you well first of all i didn't do it on purpose second of all i gambled i gambled i lost i. I lost. Whether it's an accidental poop or an intentional poop, go home. Yeah, well, but I just like ditched the boxers

and it was like a one-on-one situation. I couldn't just be like, I got to go because I shit myself. If I could have disappeared, I would have. You were there that night. You were there that night.

I went home with her and then I was like, all right, this is going to happen. So like, she went to the bathroom. I ran to my room. You must have just stunk like poop. It wasn't like and then I was like, all right, this is going to happen. So like she went to the bathroom. I ran to my room. You must have just stunk like poop.

It wasn't like it wasn't like a catastrophe. Any amount of human feces and pants that smell sticks. But I got rid of the boxers. Yeah, but still you weren't as clean as you should have. No, but I mean, I was as clean as I would have been if I just like shit. You got rid of the boxers at the bar? Yes. Ditched them out.

Corduroy. Commando. Go home. Why do you have to put boxers back on, Mikey? Because I think it would just, I think she would have been like, she knew me. It would have been weird. She'd be like, what? You're just going like, you're free balling in your corduroys these days?

Is that how it's going? It was actually like a get back together situation. So I, I mean, I guess I didn't have to, but I wanted to be like normal. So I just snuck and put a pair on. And then came back out. Yeah. And then we fucked. Disaster. If you, if a girl, you go home with a girl and you have sopping wet jeans on, you're done. Imagine if you're just like, yeah, I'm just so turned on girl. What do you do? What do you, I mean, come on, man. Come on. What's the move? Just fucking kill yourself. Hey, guys.

So a little background on this situation. A few months ago, we did a podcast about, like, I don't know, something like the things girls want to hear in bed. And the number one answer was good girl. And, you know, you guys talked about it. Fights didn't seem into it. KFC seemed to be into it. I don't know. He said good girl a few times.

And, you know, whatever. So the thing ended. I carried on living my life. And then last night I had a dream that I was having sex with KFC, like a really, really awesome sex dream. Yeah. You know. Every time he said good girl, I came in my dream every single time. It was amazing.

What's happening right now? You know, it's just like months later. So I woke up and I was like, oh, damn, like KFC kind of killed it last night with that good girl shit. And, um, yeah. So I'm just kind of wondering if anything like this has ever happened in your life.

If you've ever like, you know, had a dream about some tiny random thing that happened a really, really long time ago or I don't know, anything like that. Um, yeah, I don't know, anything like that. Yeah, I mean, it happens all the time. I make girls come all the time.

This is... What a world, though. I actually... I want full credit. If I play the voicemail that you guys are all destroyed about, this is a pump-up voicemail for you. It's true.

You're back to even. You're back to neutral. I'll be honest, you still probably have a little bit of work to do because the Chubby one was devastating. This one is so ridiculous that it's not really as, you know, if someone just called up and was like, I actually think you're really handsome. That would be a lot better than like, I was coming to your fucking podcast voicemail.

It's a bit ridiculous. But I'll take it. Beggars can't be choosers. I've never had. Well, we actually talked about it earlier in the year, I think, or a couple months ago where it was. I'd said that I was dreaming again, and it was all exclusively nightmares. I'm back to no dreams, where the dam is back up. So I don't really have any dreams about anything anymore.

I would have a couple of nightmares that were the scariest things in my life. Well, I don't even think the guys can have this happen. I think, you know, it's like, everybody knows the rules. If you die in your sleep, you die in real life. And if you come in your sleep, you come in real life. So guys can't get multiple orgasms. I don't get i've never had a wet dream i don't i don't think wet dreams are real i think they're like blue balls i think no they're definitely real they're definitely real and i'll tell you what they're a blast i can't imagine that they're because they're

no they are i mean the cleanup's not great but the cleanup's never great it is as real as it can get without being real so like in your mind it's's like, yeah, you did? It's like, yo, I just basically fucked Kate Beckinsale. You know what I mean? Whatever happened in the dream, it felt really real, and it seemed like it was really real. It's like virtual reality. I wish I could just wet dream all day long. You can. It's just masturbating. I have a dream!

No, this has never happened. It would be nice. I guess I'd take it if I could get it. I don't know if I'd take it. I don't know. If I could sign up if I could get it I don't know if I'd take it I don't know if I could sign up for these wet dreams I don't think I would I think I'm good you're probably right because it's just a disaster

it's just a mess I would maybe sign up for like one a week like if you have a wet dream you wake up and you have a chore it's like oh I gotta clean up now well I usually just come

in my boxers anyway so what's the difference I would just take them off and they're on their way I like to wake up and start my day not like wake up and clean my room. Clean my bed.

That's true. I come everywhere. This sucks. That's the whole thing. This is a good movie. Yeah. It's like, wake up. Guess what?

You already have shit to do. I want to just chill out for a bit. I want to lay in bed, watch an episode of The Office. It's kind of sticky. I need to warm up to the day. I need to warm up. Put it this way. You're coming in hot, though. I need to get things rolling. It will jumpstart your day. You're not just going to lay day. I need to warm up. Put it this way. You're coming in hot, though.

I need to get things rolling. It will jumpstart your day. You're not just going to lay there. I promise you that. Yeah, that's what I mean. I want to be lazy. I want to be lazy, yeah. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Stitch Fix,

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You know, it's like, you know, someone buys something for you. I never buy this myself, but I would, yes, my mom's got'm like, oh. It's like getting a gift. You know, it's like someone buys something for you. I would never buy this for myself. My mom gets me stuff. My mom's got great taste. Right.

It's like I would never picture it, buy it, but, you know, I'm happy I got it. But there are certain, like, no-fly lists, and that I just click. Like, no, do not send me. Is this the fight we're going to wear? I'm not going to wear it. I can't pull it off. So then you know you're going to get stuff, like, in your zone, and they get hand-picked and sent right to you.

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that you like. If you keep everything, you get 25% off that entire box. Hey, KFC, Super Producer BC. This is Big big love here so my girlfriend noticed that her followers on instagram started going down and uh she checked her blocked list and there were a bunch of guys that were blocked so she discovered that it was her ex-boyfriend on her account going on there unliking pictures and blocking everyone and now she's freaking out about it.

So, you know, my first thought was you're crazy for even sharing your passwords in the first place with him, you know, because you never know when it's going to go awry, especially considering like most people, you forget to change your passwords for everything. So I guess how should i handle this because now she's mad and i don't want to have to give her my account information so you guys could chime in that'd be great thank you so what happens here so her ex-boyfriend was all up in her instagram blocking people and like doing activity and shit i don't quite see see how this includes the new boyfriend. I don't know why he's going to have to give up information

and he has to sign in and give her. You see how this backfired, right? Yeah, that's what I mean. Boom. Perfect example. We are literally discussing why this is a bad idea. Yeah. It's so funny.

Things like that, that's like a prenup. You have to just kind of admit that there's a chance this goes horribly south. Right now we're in love and it kind of is unromantic and maybe even a little bit rude to speak of the potential, but it's fucking there. So let's just be adults about it. In fact, it's a very high potential. Yeah, at least like 50%. There's a

great chance that this doesn't work. Right. The vast majority of relationships you enter into are going to end poorly. Most relationships in the world do not end well. I wonder what the average would be if you think about actual relationships. I'd imagine you go one for

six. You'd probably have five fucking relationships. A lot of hookups or whatever, but you dated three, four, five people seriously. You marry one. Hopefully that one sticks, but at best case scenario you're going one for five. Everybody in everybody in the world is doing that do the math on that right like the vast majority of relationships all end and probably end poorly

so don't give up your what what a fucking nightmare the world is now i don't want to fucking be in this world at all man i'll tell you what like when you used to date there was none of this none there was no give me your password i i was no i want to see who you're following there was no i'm gonna check which photos you've been liking it was just like we met you liked me and you hope i don't talk to anybody else and i'll lie to you and tell you i'm not but like i'm out you know what i mean like the only thing could be like when oh when you're, do you talk to any girls or anything? Right? Yeah.

I've always said if you got caught cheating before social media, like not even caught cheating, like if you just got in trouble in a relationship before social media, you were an idiot. Dude, there's a reason. All you had to do. There's a reason why the trope is lipstick on the collar. Right. Because it needed to be something egregiously blatant like there's lips on your fucking clothing you forgot to throw away the

phone number in your pocket that they wrote down crazy but you know what's funny is that like you know the new age version like of that for me is like you know how did you fucking you got caught like her she saw your dms like what are you a rookie it's like there's just always a version of that you know but that was it's a lot harder for me to know that she was logged into my social media accounts when i was using a laptop and the devices were connected and when you delete off of one it doesn't delete off the other that's a lot harder than just make sure you don't smell like perfume going home right you know what i mean so it is you can you can still be an idiot relatively speaking in the modern world but the the old world it was a lot easier to not be an idiot and you didn't have to like like this is like you're still in contact with your ex you just didn't have to be in contact

with your ex right once you broke up done you never ever again what a world but also fuck this guy like what do you what do you fuck you're such a maniac when the relationship's over it's over like my ex-girlfriend i'm pretty sure i know all her passwords still i've never had any desire to go it's just like that's that's the difference in girls and guys though. I don't want to see that shit. Girls have the insatiable need for knowledge. They need to know the score. They need to know the circumstances.

Otherwise they feel like they're getting embarrassed or they feel like they're getting clowned. They want to know, you know, that's always the thing. Like, don't, just don't embarrass me. It's like,

I want to know if you fuck this person. Cause if I ever run into them, it's like, okay, like I know the score, you know, or, or I, Oh, you talked to this girl if I ever run into them it's like okay I know the score or you talked to this girl before well now I know it's just ignorance is fucking bliss

the reason why we're happy and you're not is because you guys refuse to accept that ignorance is bliss some people are happy some people I think it's probably

pretty cool you know what here's my main thing if you're a normal person if you don't need your social media for work or whatever, when this happens, delete your account. That's what I was thinking. Just get a new

Instagram. I can't do that. I mean, I'm going through this. When everything happened with me, I was hacked. I still am getting hacked all the time. My email, my social media, weird activity. I wish I could just delete it and do KFC Barstool 2 and start over

but it's such a chore if i just was a regular ass person i had like even if i had like a couple thousand followers delete yeah if you have what do you think this girl has 250 followers max 300 followers max just just you'll be back to getting like 50 likes on your pictures in no time yeah just delete your account and get a new one. Very simple. Delete. Delete your account. Delete your account. I'm going to do it anyway. Fuck. I'm going to delete everything because this Patriots bullshit.

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claimed this song now, but goddamn, is it fucking appropriate, you know? Still fucking here. Buy a shirt, at least. Put my kids through college on this shit. I can't listen to this song anymore, I don't think.

Ruined it. Saga continues. Fuck. All the words. All the words work. Hey! Hey! Ah! Ah! Tell him! Woo! Tell them I don't even care about the Super Bowl

It's just that they ruined my song Bad boy I'm here. All of a sudden, niggas got a problem with me. Black, what happened? They run around acting like the black boy can't eat. I only roll with the body. Waterfell, nice. Yeah, it's hot as fuck up in here.