KFC Radio - Sex Ed with Kayce Smith

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube channel: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -Feits is hooked on Mare of Easttown and got into an argument with people online over whether bin...geing or week to week watching is better -Jackie had a scary train experience -Kayce joins the show to play AITA and finds herself first explain what exactly a UTI is to Feits -AITA for telling a man in a wheelchair he can't cut the line? -KFC returns to do a couple voicemails -What's the weirdest thing a stranger's done in your home? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @KayceSmith @nickhammy5 @JNics415You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, I now introduce to you, the greatest show on earth! What if you were having sex with someone and their dick cracked? What would you do? What do you mean, cracked? Thank you! Thank you! Are you do? What do you mean cracked? Thank you! Thank you! Alright, welcome to KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Kevin's still not here. I am. I think I'm diabetic, but let's get into the show. I've been pissing like a racehorse today. You need cookies because we've got a million cookies. No, I have diabetes, Nick. If you pee a lot, you have diabetes. People don't know that.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Just a little health tip. That's my fun fact of the day. If you take a lot of pisses, you have diabetes. I'm backtrack that but i'm gonna call someone um okay so we are going to we've kept on voicemails today casey is on um am i the asshole i am on intro they also put a bunch of accents in a hat for ad reads so let's just do the first one let's just do the first one. Let's just do the first fucking ad read. It is going to be a... Did you put multiple wrong concubines? No, I had one.
Starting point is 00:01:32 Oh, okay. I must have put it back in there. Okay, never mind. This is going to be a... Ha ha! Fucking Texas! Oh, I was hoping that would line up with casey well you know how they say everything in texas is bigger
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Starting point is 00:03:51 No, no, no, no. I don't know if I actually ever even say it, but just like the radio guy in Friday Night Lights. I actually haven't seen it. But since we're already hot, I'm going to stay hot.
Starting point is 00:03:59 I have been arguing. First of all, fuck you, go watch Friday Night Lights. Yeah, I know. I was like, oh man, he's going to let that go.
Starting point is 00:04:05 I thought I was going to die for a second. We got Casey on today. We got Kevin on today. I am just going to scream for a second about Mayor of Easttown. Mayor of Easttown is the new show on HBO Max. It's fucking awesome. It's 10 out of 10. It's Kate Winslet.
Starting point is 00:04:22 They are in a little town in Philadelphia. Not in Philadelphia. In Pennsylvania. They say Wooder. They go a little over the top sometimes with it. In fact, Lou was texting me the other day being like, come on, do I really talk like this? And they don't really. But it's awesome. It's only seven episodes. It's going to be like the undoing. By episode four or five, everyone's
Starting point is 00:04:40 going to be like, everyone's got to catch up for the finale. So just catch up now so we can talk about it because I want to talk about it with people and no one's fucking seen it. But when I was tweeting about it the other day, people were arguing with me that they wish it was bingeable. And I think we've put this to rest on this episode, on this podcast. Bingeable shows aren't good anymore. It was crazy how fast the world forgot how much fun it is to talk about television and be like, ooh, I wonder what happens. I wonder who did this before watching a seven-hour movie.
Starting point is 00:05:10 But it is – if you just like have – if you give me all your episodes, I lack self-control and anything else. So I just – I'll just stay up until 6 o'clock in the morning and I'll watch the whole series and I'll never talk about it ever again. But when they fucking do it week by week, I can get excited. I can talk about it. And I can't talk about it right now because none of you have fucking seen it. So everyone go watch it so I can talk about it. Because I have a lot I want to say about Mayor of Easttown. It's very much like Broadchurch.
Starting point is 00:05:36 If anyone's ever seen Broadchurch, there is a murder. A child is found dead. And basically everyone in town is guilty. Everyone has a reason that they did it so it's quite a whodunit i don't know who did it but i know roy from the office is in it i know kate wins in it i know judy greer's in it i look at a fucking monster cast and it's awesome and stop saying that shows are better bingeable i i only think it works for bingeable with like the comedies and stuff when they released all like the sitcoms and it's like like when there's something with like a mystery, like a cliffhanger fucking I want that week to week.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Even the sitcoms. I prefer I guess it's a sitcom. It doesn't really fucking matter because there's no hook. There's no everything, particularly like sitcoms where it's just like last episode didn't matter. Yeah. Like sunny type stuff where it's just like last episode doesn't count. It's a new world every episode. That shit you can just be like, whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I'll watch it all. But a whodunit, a serious show has to be week to week. It absolutely has to be week to week. I mean, the last week to week thing I really did was Thrones, and I think I'm just fucking jaded from that. People say Thrones ended it, and I actually did think Thrones was going to be the last one that was a week to week show.
Starting point is 00:06:43 But I think that streaming services and stuff like that have realized that if you just drop it all, no one fucking gives a shit. Like, fucking Stranger Things with that crazy ending just didn't even trend. No one talked about, like, oh, shit, he somehow ended up in fucking Russia. I noticed this the first time, like, when Love dropped, and then Love Season 2 came out a year later, and, like, everyone at first fucking ran to that show. And then you all watch it in a day, and then you completely forget about it.
Starting point is 00:07:11 There's no hype about it. No, you gotta have hype. The Undoing was a fine show. It wasn't unbelievable. It was pretty good. It was entertaining. I liked it. I was gonna jump on that later, and then you guys finish it and talk about it.
Starting point is 00:07:23 But it was like that dominated Sunday night. That was like everything everyone talked about on Sunday night because it was like, oh, yeah, this is what it's like to have Sunday night HBO shows. Well, they're fucking back on HBO Max. Mayor Easttown is awesome. It's very, very good, and it is week to week, and don't complain about that because it's fucking better. Jackie, why did you almost die yesterday? Okay, I mean, it's not that. Jackie, you keep downplaying this.
Starting point is 00:07:52 There's a gun involved, right? So I got I thought I got on the one train but then I guess I didn't. Okay, stop it right here. How?
Starting point is 00:08:07 How did that happen? Because it's the only train that stops here. No. No. One, two, and three stop downstairs. No. No? Just the one.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Also. I only take the one, so. Nope. Nope. The two and three will stop at Penn Station. Just the one stops here. Well, it wasn't at this station. I want to say, also, this isn't going to help the people who think I'm dumb.
Starting point is 00:08:29 There was some commenter. There was a comment that said, oh, God, you're in this world now. That said you're a derp. A derp? No, no, no. There was one that said, Jackie's really just not smart. You're about to graduate from USC, Jackie. Tell them.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Yeah, exactly. No, it's fair I can see how it is people's moms pay for them to get in there so mine didn't I didn't accuse you that was weird you accused me before yeah but not this time
Starting point is 00:08:57 okay so so I got whatever somehow I just got on the wrong train and then I got off at my street but it was like the east side and I live on the west side and I guess I but it like dropped me off like in Harlem so then immediately when I get out I like hear yelling and there's some kind of fight going on there's like people crowded around so then then I was like, ooh, what is going on there?
Starting point is 00:09:25 So then I kind of go towards it to get a better look. Were you going to just out of curiosity? You didn't have your phone out recording. You were just like, I just got to see what's all about. Just a couple of loud people in a place I don't know. I thought it was like a rap battle going on. I don't know if that is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Starting point is 00:09:49 No. No, no, no, no. Or just like beautifully naive. A bunch of violence on the train. Jackie's walking through Koreatown. There's a line for a restaurant. She's like, what's going on? Is it a martial arts exhibition?
Starting point is 00:10:05 No. No. No. It was like there was hype going on. And people were like, oh. So then I thought, I was like, oh, is there some kind of maybe dance-off? Maybe like whatever. There you go. So then, so I go closer.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Maybe it's a dance-off. But I don't know. It seems fun. No, like you just run into dance-offs? Jesus Christ. Okay. So then I approach, and then this guy comes out the corner with this girl. He's like, when I say killer, kill her.
Starting point is 00:10:39 And he kept repeating that. And I was like, oh, I don't think that this is a rap battle or whatever. And he just kept being like, killer. And then I look over and somebody's recording and then he's like, oh shit, he's got a gun. So then I was like, okay, this is like... Wait, who had the gun? The guy recording? No, no, no. There was the guy who
Starting point is 00:10:58 I thought was rapping. I had a gun and was like... What made you think he was rapping? Was, was he just happened to be rhyming? He was people. Everybody was looking.
Starting point is 00:11:09 Everybody was looking at him. And then everybody was like, I think he was like bitching out somebody. And then, and then, so it sounded like he was like, so everyone was like, Oh, but I think he was like,
Starting point is 00:11:21 I'm going to kill you. And then he pulled out a gun. And he pulled out a gun. And then I was like, Oh, okay. I should go. And so'm gonna kill you and then he pulled out a gun and then I was like oh okay I should go did you call the police? no we ain't no snitch here anyways
Starting point is 00:11:35 so then I start walking so then I was like I should probably call an Uber because I don't know where I am and surprise surprise I'm not good'm not you get a lux black what you get a lux black uber no i didn't want them to know this isn't where i belong back to midtown please sir no no somebody okay i realized that that's probably not like a great look to call but but i'm saying'm saying it was a dangerous situation.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Somebody just pulled a gun. So God forbid I want to get in an Uber. And I didn't know where I was. But then the Uber was like five minutes away. So then I was like. I was going to say I'd just go back down to the subway. Oh. That could have worked too.
Starting point is 00:12:21 But I didn't think about that. That was a real like, ah. I didn't think about that. I I didn't think about that. That was a real like, ah. I didn't think about that. I really didn't think about that. And also, I didn't know where it was. And I was like, okay, I think I'm pretty close. But then I started mapping, and I'm like 10 minutes away. So then I was like, oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:12:36 But then it was fine because this guy who could also see that I looked super lost, he was like, did you just get off on the wrong train too? And I was like, yeah, did you? And he was like, yeah, do you want to walk together? So then we walked back. What? He was adorable. How old was this guy?
Starting point is 00:12:55 He was like, he was, yes, Zach? No, go, keep going. I need to answer that first. He was, no, he was not, he was like, I don't know, like 30 something. He wasn't like, he wasn't like weird at like, I don't know, like 30 something, but he wasn't like, he wasn't like weird at all. I was told earlier this was an old man. Well, okay, well, but he was like.
Starting point is 00:13:11 That's fucked up. He looked like, I don't know, something between John and Kevin. He was pretty old. Well, I didn't say, I didn't say he was old. I just said he was like a cute little man. He was little. Like that's maybe. God, that's even more fucked up. He couldn't overpower me. He's like, oh, he's just this cute little man. He was little. Like that's maybe... God, that's even more fucked up.
Starting point is 00:13:26 He couldn't overpower me. He's just this cute little fellow. In his mind, he's like, I might be able to fuck this girl. So adorable. He's like a little chipmunk. No, he wasn't. He wasn't hitting on me or anything like that. He was just like legitimately like we
Starting point is 00:13:43 didn't know what was going on and we were like in it together. So then we started vlogging. We were in it together. We're all in this together. And then we broke out into song. Anyway, so then we walked back. Turns out we're from the same area.
Starting point is 00:14:00 He went to USC for grad school. He had to make all these things up. 100%. That's what I said. I asked. I was like, did you tell him first you went to USC for grad school. He had to make all these things up. 100%. That's what I said. I asked. I was like, did you tell him first he went to USC? No, he had a full USC fit on. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:14:12 Mm-hmm. So then I go, USC, a fellow Trojan, trustworthy. How many people go to USC? OJ Simpson. Beautiful. Touché. how many people go to USC? OJ Simpson. Beautiful. Touche. Touche. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:30 I'm sure there are plenty of other evil people who went to USC. I just can't think of them right now. But yeah. OJ, you were a great running back. Anyway, so that's that. Then you made it home safe. I made it home safe. There you go.
Starting point is 00:14:44 And it was all good. I'm happy to hear that. Yes, thank you. All right, Casey Smith is about to join us for Am I the Asshole? But first, we're going to hear a little message from our friend Augustus about Sunday lawn care. About Sunday lawn care. Oh, well, hello, my friends. I am Augustus and I am Dutch.
Starting point is 00:15:02 This is the accent I am choosing to use. Now, Sunday lawn care is the best lawn care there is. I think I am going in a different kind of Eastern European. It seems I have just transitioned into that. However, I got to tell you that Sunday lawn care is hands down the best lawn care there is. The summer is coming. Everyone's going to be doing barbecues, going to be playing lawn games out back. You do cornhole.
Starting point is 00:15:25 You do beer pong, Beirut, tennis perhaps, you know. Do all kinds of fun games. And the thing is about when you're having friends over, you have to have the nice grass. You know, you don't want the brown spots. Don't bear patches, pesky weeds, nibbling grubs. Oh, I hate the nibbling grubs. That's why I like to have Sunday help me with my lawn care. So what Sunday does is they make your lawn care easier than ever.
Starting point is 00:15:50 You go to Sunday.com. You put in your home address. And they have a free lawn care analysis tool to take care of the rest in just seconds. Sunday uses soil and climate data to create a tailored nutrient plan. You get all the stuff that your lawn needs. And it's just so easy. It takes seconds. It takes seconds to make a beautiful lawn for all your friends to enjoy.
Starting point is 00:16:12 You lie around. You roll around. You play like a pig in hay, like a human in grass. Let Sunday take the guesswork out of growing a greener, more beautiful lawn this spring. Visit Sunday.com slash KFC to get $20 off your lawn care plan and check up. Hey, that's $20 off your custom plan at GetSunday.com slash KFC. Like that seems like a big problem. Yeah, it was.
Starting point is 00:16:43 It was really weird. It also seems like a hygienic Yeah, it was. It was really weird. It also seems like a hygienic problem, perhaps. Is it? My hygiene? How my hygiene? Well, you know how you get your ear tract infection. Cum, right?
Starting point is 00:16:57 No. I mean, you can from that. She told me it was from cum. Well, it's bacteria getting into your urinary tract infection. So if you are dirty and it gets in, no. Cum's full of bacteria, isn't it? No. It's incredibly clean.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Yes, it is. No, it's not. You don't know what you're talking about. Literally everyone in the room is on my side. I take no sides. I don't know. I honestly don't know. She basically, she'd get it whenever like...
Starting point is 00:17:32 Talk about this on the podcast, you asshole. Well I think it's recorded, isn't it? It's been recorded. I just don't... Alright, this is just pre-taught. Fucking when she, when I like, we'd fall asleep after sex and she'd wake up and be like, I'm gonna have a UTI. And then she'd get fucking.
Starting point is 00:17:46 But it's not from cum. It's from like things being pushed up into your urinary tract. Cum! Perhaps it might be mixed in there, John. But mixed with what? Bacteria! But the cum itself is the bacteria. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:18:03 If I spit, that's bacteria, right? Spit and cum are two different things. They're is the bacteria. No, it's not. If I spit, that's bacteria, right? Spit and cum are two different things. They're basically the same. Cum is just a loogie. No, they're not. No, they're not. There you go. I got cum now.
Starting point is 00:18:19 I regret coming on this podcast. I'm not even. You are a 32-year-old man, and you think UTIs come from cum? Well, how do you think girls that don't have sex get UTIs, John? Honest question. What are you talking about? They do? Ow!
Starting point is 00:18:47 I'm sorry, hold on. You think the only way a girl can get a UTI is if she has sex and the guy comes in or out of her vagina? I've produced one of two things, a baby or a UTI. Ow! The fuck? how the fuck have you survived your life being so ignorant it is a
Starting point is 00:19:14 god damn fucking miracle I've survived people constantly take advantage of me yeah because you think UTIs come from cops I'm not a smart man Casey you're not a smart man okay well I'm sorry for your ex-girlfriend
Starting point is 00:19:37 who just straight up lied to you just straight up lied she probably didn't want to be like hey John can you clean your dick every once in a while? I'm fucking sure. When have I ever been a dirty person? You got a dirty dick? My dick stays in my pants all the time.
Starting point is 00:19:51 I'm kidding you all the time. Most of the time, usually. At all appropriate times, my dick is in my pants. You think I was fucking wiping it on subway handrails on the way to her apartment? You think the only way your dick can get dirty is if you wipe it on the subway handle? Kind of, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Who else doesn't get dirty farts? Don't you? Like, not even, you just let gravity do, you're the biggest proponent of like, gravity does its thing in the shower. Well, no, I wash my fucking penis! And that's Kevin, who's the fucking proponent of it. I fucking, I agree with him just to make him feel nice.
Starting point is 00:20:27 But, like, yeah, I usually, I'm a crazy shower. I'll usually bend down and get to my ankles. I'll soap an ankle. You do not. I fucking do soap ankle. You've got your ankles up. I know. Soap ankle almost weekly. a soap ankle
Starting point is 00:20:45 almost weekly just one ankle but you skipped the dick on the way down I don't skip the dick how's this started I thought Jackie just said that yeah she's a liar too no I fucking bang bang you triangle it up doctor taught me that
Starting point is 00:21:03 a doctor taught me that oh a doctor taught you that, but not that a UTI doesn't come from cum. UTIs didn't come up in the conversation, Casey. How old were you when this girl told you that?
Starting point is 00:21:15 Old enough? 29? 28, maybe? And you just still didn't know that UTIs are just back to normal? I didn't know until right now. Do you know that the vagina and the pee hole are not the same? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:33 I couldn't. Look, if you pointed it out to me on a map, I wouldn't be able to tell you which is which. So my next question then leads to if you come inside a girl, if you come inside a girl how does it just automatically get into her urinary tract infection or urinary tract boy that's a lot of questions i don't have answers to ah boy i guess there's a different hole back there like a flute yes nailed it science lesson is over she would always do a handstand afterwards. I guess she would just drip it. I mean, that part's not true. That's a joke, guys.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Come on. The problem is, I don't know, you might actually believe that. She would always just do a handstand. Gravity would just put it further into her vagina and not take it out. No, because there's a flu hole in the back. I'm so done with this. I'm so done with this. I'm so done with this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:31 I got a question for you. Oh, good. What do you think it costs to get two pictures framed? What kind of pictures? Posters. Posters? Mm-hmm. A couple hundred each.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Really? Yeah. Okay. I thought they were taking me over for one this morning. What do you mean? I got two boxes for this morning. It cost $600. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Yeah. And it's going to take six weeks. What? Yeah. In what kind of frame? I don't know. Whatever frame the guy recommended. Where did you do this?
Starting point is 00:23:00 Fucking. I got the work order form right here. Did you even try to ask if that's normal what i mean 14 190 okay that doesn't look as bad it was like 520 bucks or something like that i rounded up for exaggeration right to me well whatever no this me. Well, whatever. No, this seems, I mean. That's what it costs to frame a poster? No wonder why you. Glass is expensive.
Starting point is 00:23:30 And if it's a big poster, I'm assuming it's a normal size poster, it's a lot of glass. Glass is expensive? Yes, John. If you got like a poster framed with plastic, it would be a lot cheaper, but you're using glass. That wasn't even offered. I definitely would have chose plastic. This is a stupid KFC radio poster. Oh, why the fuck did you do glass?
Starting point is 00:23:49 It wasn't offered! You probably just knew you wouldn't ask. Didn't ask. He didn't even tell me the price until he'd already taken my credit card, and then when he came back with this, he goes, it'd be about six bucks. Well, that's 100% on you. Yeah, no, glass is expensive. Alright, whatever. Let's do
Starting point is 00:24:04 Am I the Asshole? Clearly I am, know. Glass is expensive. All right. Whatever. Let's do it. Am I the asshole? Clearly I am judging my last two fucking things you've done. What did anyone else think? That was a normal price. I didn't brought it up to anybody. I figured I'd get their immediate reaction. Does anyone else think that it's abnormal?
Starting point is 00:24:17 It seems expensive. I wouldn't pay that much for a poster, right? Yeah. Well, no, I wouldn't pay that much, but I know a posters you're talking about the ones that hung out by Caroline's. Yeah. Yeah. No, I wouldn't pay that much, but I know what posters you're talking about, the ones that hung out by Caroline's. Yeah. Yeah, no, I wouldn't pay that much, probably. Yeah. I'd probably just go to, like, Michael's and buy my own. Right. Or, like,
Starting point is 00:24:32 Target. I'd much rather pay a couple hundred dollars and frame something myself, because I'd fuck that up. You know how it would take you two seconds? You take the frame off the back, you lay the poster down, you put the frame on. Bam. Am I the ass down, you put the frame on. Bam. Am I the asshole, please? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:24:51 Yeah. Please. My boyfriend only watches porn where the woman looks like me and it creeps me out. I've told him to stop it, but he says I should be flattered and he knows. And it shows that I'm his type. So I've said if he wants that that he can have that and only that no more sex with me who's the biggest asshole her it's 100 her it's 100 her i feel like that's a compliment like that's the highest compliment well no he's the asshole too oh i don't think
Starting point is 00:25:19 so well he's an asshole in my eyes like you're an asshole fucking get something well yeah okay so you're saying his porn like yeah go get a pizza at burger king get something a little different no if he doesn't want something different but i do agree with you like i if you're gonna like fantasize about something else it's like what ari says in entourage like get like a busty blonde or an asian with pointy nipples or a stepsister yeah or something like that what did you say that's what they say on entourage. It's a quote. Racist. It's a quote from Entourage.
Starting point is 00:25:47 It's an Ari Gold quote. Quote some rap songs for me. It is verbatim. That is a verbatim Ari Gold quote. He says if he's going to cheat on his wife, he wouldn't cheat on his wife with someone who looks identical to her. I also don't think it's racist.
Starting point is 00:26:03 As far as I know, Asians aren't known for pointing at people. I don't really want you to just point at me and say anything that I say is racist. She's the asshole. I feel like that is 100% a compliment. I think it's idiotic and stupid and yes, it is definitely a compliment.
Starting point is 00:26:18 One time I got in a humongous fight with an ex-girlfriend because she found porn. This is back in the day again. We do a lot of back in the days on this fucking podcast today. Back in the day when you used to save porn on your computer.
Starting point is 00:26:34 Oh, like you had to download it. I had downloads. I came home from work. We had the most dysfunctional... Wasn't this like high school? It was like early college. John, I don't think you had to download porn maybe i like got a couple taylor rain videos i like so okay you can definitely
Starting point is 00:26:51 stream it at some point easy access to those bad boys okay but the uh so like it was we had i was in a redneck relationship at one point in my life where i hate this podcast i was like it was truly the most redneck relationship of all time like please go on like like so i live with a sex girlfriend and um and we would uh she well she didn't live with my parents house or stay in my parents house in the vineyard and i was redneck i was doing but i was doing landscaping so i was like out in the morning like going to – and she didn't have a job. And she would just like drink all day and I'd come home and we'd just fight. Like fighting on like the porch and like – like I'd be like covered in dirt without a shirt on. She'd have like a towel on and a beer in her hand.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Like pick that up and put it anywhere else other than Martha's Vineyard. Totally a red- real arguments like big arguments with like two drunk people one in dirty jeans with holes in them and covered in dirt and uh and one time i came home and she'd been using my laptop and she found the taylor rain video and she's like this looks just like your ex-girlfriend i was like she had an accent like that too right next to me the fantasy here I was just making sure you didn't date somebody that sounded like that she's like who the fuck do you think you're jerking off to this looks just like your ex girlfriend
Starting point is 00:28:12 and I was like you stupid idiot looks just like you too you both look the fucking same and she had like a towel wrapped around her head and because she had been drinking in the hot tub and i got home the hot tub was lined with like seven or eight beers and i like knew right away i was like oh baby this one's going bad this is this is going cross and we're just screaming each other half naked in the backyard you god man, don't you have a mirror? That girl looks just like you do.
Starting point is 00:28:50 I can't look at you. I don't know how Kevin does this. I really don't know how he has an off to himself yet. Did your ex-girlfriend actually look like her? Yeah, they all look the same. Again, she was the asshole, they all look the same! Again, she was the asshole! They all look the same!
Starting point is 00:29:10 I mean... I'm way more concerned about... I still know the Taylor Reign video. I'm way more concerned about the accents that you've cooked up now. Why? Because you said it was a fantasy. You literally said it's a fantasy. I meant the fantasy of the story I'm telling.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Not the fantasy of a fucking redneck. I went to school in Tallahassee. I've already lived that fantasy. I'm done with it. See, if you would have told me that story and said it was in Tallahassee, I wouldn't have questioned it once. But it was on Martha's Vineyard. But no, I feel like if you're watching porn that looks like your girlfriend, like whatever. Yeah, if you're watching porn, watch it like Frankie Pirelli watches porn.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Make sure someone dies in it. Yeah throw frankie under the bus like that frankie said it on this podcast he frankie was like he said he wants somebody to die he said he likes his porn oh no they have to use a squeegee afterward like the scene in breaking bad with it when gus box cutter when gus gus cuts whoever's, I forget whose throat he cuts. But, oh, he cuts his right-hand man's. Yeah, his right-hand man's. He fucked up the gale murder. He's like, I want to death you squeegee blood off the floor in my porn.
Starting point is 00:30:14 What a demented fuck that guy is. It's a fantasy, right? Live the fantasy. That's a fantasy for you too now? Not mine, but Frankie, I don't fantasy shame here. I think that we can draw a line on slinging throats, squeegeeing up blood as fantasy shaming. We're talking about murder.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Actual murder. I will fantasy shame that. Alright. Well, I won't actually. Well, it depends on the kind of murder. There's certain types of murder that maybe cross the line. What types, Casey? Well, like, you know, suffocation might not be as bad as slinging with a box cutter. I'm out on that. Yeah, Kevin. What type of case? Well, like, you know, suffocation might not be as bad. I'm just playing with a box cutter.
Starting point is 00:30:45 I'm out on that. Yeah, Kevin. We've discussed that recently on the show. Okay. Okay, how about, okay. Yeah, this is fun. So that I can join you. Continue.
Starting point is 00:30:55 What if you were having sex with someone and their dick cracked? What would you do? What do you mean, cracked? Thank you! Thank you! Kevin's dick cracks. What do you mean, cracked?
Starting point is 00:31:03 I don't know. Like your fingers crack? I've been telling him to send me a video of it. He won't. Like when he's having sex? He said it'll happen a lot. He needs to see somebody about that. He said he wakes up in the morning and cracks it. When it's hard or when it's soft?
Starting point is 00:31:18 Probably when it's pretty pee-filled in the morning. Yeah, it's hard. You wake up in the morning because you've got? Yeah, it's hard. You wake up in the morning because you've got a bunch of piss in it. I think. Is that not true? No.
Starting point is 00:31:33 No? I mean, you know that's not true. At this point, you know that's not true. When I pee, it goes down. So every time you have to pee, you get a hard dick? Not every time,
Starting point is 00:31:44 but if I've been holding it for hours probably it's right filled to the brim what i'm like half kidding i'm incredibly concerned more so about kevin's dick cracking but yeah i mean he he he he'll text me basically every morning like the dick didn't crack this morning. Okay. Has he explained how he cracks it? He says he just kind of fucking grabs it and pops it down. Oh, God. No, I've never heard of that.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Okay. Ever. And I've done some research. I've never seen that happen before. We were talking about how... God, I forgot. I don't know what we were talking about.... God, I forgot. I don't know what we were talking about. I honestly don't really...
Starting point is 00:32:29 Joking. It started with suffocation. It started with choking. And Kevin was like, I was like, why are your girls always in bed with you? Like, did your dick just break? Spitting everywhere made that so...
Starting point is 00:32:44 Your spit flying everywhere dude what the fuck was that the nightmares that I'm going to have of that fucking face that you just made.
Starting point is 00:33:07 All replicating choking. Do you think when you dig cracks in the pussy, it sounds like cracking your knuckles underwater? It depends on how wet she is. It depends on how wet she is. Oh my God. You think it echoes out of her mouth? There's a flute hole? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:33:40 There's only one way to find out. We've got to ask Kevin. We've got to have Kevin do it. it has to be completely silent have it crack inside whoever he's sleeping with i will open her mouth and see what happens i'm gonna sit on this i'm really kevin can we have a threesome i'm just gonna sit at the back of the bed and play your mouth I'm yelling into a cave. Oh, my God. Sorry about your dick, Kevin.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Thoughts and prayers. He said, he said, I don't know if it was in a group text or if he tweeted it, but he said like a lot of people replied to him like, oh, thank God. Like, I thought I was the only one with a cracky dick. We got a lot of DMs about it, which was very weird to be like going through the DMs and be like, my dick cracks too. Did you get like videos or anything? I don't believe. Wait, what was the word?
Starting point is 00:34:29 Wait, today's word of the day is about cracking. Kevin's dick. Oh, yeah. What's the word? Crepitates. Kevin's got a crepitating dick. That sounds like it just doesn't work. It's not a good word.
Starting point is 00:34:44 Do you want to describe your dick? Crepitate? What kind of dick you got? Crepitating one. That's gross. Want to see if it'll come out of your mouth if I crepitate inside of you? Can I crepitate inside of you? Is vile.
Starting point is 00:35:01 That's going to give you a UTI for sure. Depends on how dirty the crepitation is, I guess. Damn. All right, Jackie. Okay. I was waiting in line to get into a busy restaurant when this guy behind us in the queue who was in a wheelchair asked if he could go in front. I said, why? And he pointed at the chair.
Starting point is 00:35:28 So I said, you're already sitting down, and you're waiting to sit down in a different place. You can wait your turn. Some people looked at me like I'm a dick, but this isn't Disneyland. It's just like Skip to the Front. This isn't Disneyland. You don't get toips at the front. I respect this woman. I don't have the balls
Starting point is 00:35:50 to do what she would do, but I respect this woman. I would be like Larry David in this situation where I would like afterwards, I'd be like, hey, congratulations. That was good. You jobbed me on that one. What she said makes her an asshole. Her not letting him go in front of her makes her not an asshole. It all makes you an asshole. Her not letting him go in front of her makes her not an asshole.
Starting point is 00:36:05 No, I think it all makes you an asshole. It's just an asshole I respect. Well, it depends on what line they were in for. Like. They were in a restaurant, right? Oh. I mean. You don't, I mean, like, you just, I would, I mean, someone could fucking.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I mean, yes, like, I would never say no, but, I mean, I don't think that it's, like, ridiculous to be like, no, you're gonna wait. You came after me. It's absolutely not ridiculous. The sitting down't think that it's like ridiculous. Like, no, you're going to wait. You came after me. It's absolutely not ridiculous. The sitting down part is where it's becoming. I'm standing here on my own two healthy legs. I'm not tired. Like he's just going to a restaurant to sit.
Starting point is 00:36:37 He's going to fucking eat. He's just hungry, lady. I could have just a fully healthy person who's walking in front of me. I wouldn't say anything. Well, yeah, it's because you're a pussy. You are. I'm about to be a pussy with a fucking UTI right now. I'm going to get angry.
Starting point is 00:36:56 But you are when it comes to that stuff. Yeah, I know. Like you said earlier, you get walked all over. I just don't like being told it. Sorry. said earlier you get walked all over i just don't like being told it sorry um yeah i i mean you are you are without a doubt one of the world's more gaping assholes this person um this is i i would i would describe this person as a belladonna asshole but i respect belladonna's asshole and i respect this person i don't respect
Starting point is 00:37:26 the sitting down thing you're too much of an asshole for me when you say that yeah okay that's fair play like the actually doing it fine i respect like you standing your ground you being like you're already fucking sitting dude you can't eat before me i'm out on that got it again gotta draw the line somewhere you're gonna be sitting for the rest of your life does it matter where it is your fucking food to you right here. You can sit and eat it here. You can sit in the lobby and eat it. I got to sit down inside.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Hand him a snack like a kid in church. Here, fucking chill out. Have another butter. Here, mommy, back to the goldfish point. Back to the line. Again, you just went to a weird fantasy thing. That sounded like a porn. Mommy getting a wheelchair.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Mommy wheelchair goldfish porn? I'd watch. You don't go home yet. As long as it is. I'm so bad at word of the day. Oh, no. Crepitating. Crepitating.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Crepitating. Okay, last one, then you can go home, Casey. Thank God. Oh, wait. Actually, this guy did reference Disney World. Grab Family Vacation. Yes. Have you watched it?
Starting point is 00:38:30 It took me a whole week to be able to watch it. I still haven't watched it. John, you need to watch it. Because there are a lot of things that happen I don't have any memory of whatsoever. Okay. But I will say that Nick, I text Nick before it came out and I said, I don't care how much of an asshole I look like, just make sure I look good while looking like an asshole. He was like, you'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Like a woman in line. Yes, exactly. But I still was like secondhand. Well, I guess it's firsthand embarrassment. But knowing that I don't remember any of that trip, it's very funny. I mean, I slapped Marty in the face, and it didn't embarrass me. At dinner. I think I saw a tweet about this.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Was it at dinner? Yeah. Do you know why we moved from dinner? No. Someone was asking that. Why did you guys get up? I don't remember being at dinner. I think I saw a tweet about this. Was it at dinner? Yeah. Do you know why we moved from dinner? No. Someone was asking that. Why did you guys get up? I don't remember being at dinner. I don't remember the flight attendant thing at all.
Starting point is 00:39:12 There's no recollection of that to me. None whatsoever. Even re-watching it, you would think it would jog a memory. I don't remember any of that happening. I could fill that in. Thank you, Nick. At dinner, you got up because you tried to order wine and got bodied. Absolutely bodied.
Starting point is 00:39:28 By who? The waitress. The waitress was like, you don't want that wine. And just like walked all over you and upsold you. And then you guys were really making fun of her for that, even though no one like came to your aid at all. Obviously. Because you're a pussy. Then you start arguing about something, then John's like,
Starting point is 00:39:49 alright, I'm leaving. And then you put up the wall, Marty laughed at that and you slapped him. Seems fair. So Marty got up and then went and joined John. I think that I got upsold, from watching that video it seems like I got upsold multiple times on that vacation and no one stopped me
Starting point is 00:40:05 first of all it wasn't our money so we should have just gone right to the upsell at the beginning so why did I get made fun of for getting upsold at fucking were we in like Italy or something yeah we were in Italy oh like I'm not gonna drink red wine in Italy oh yeah we were in that little like that was like a cavern yeah yeah that was a nice place not comfortable chairs though
Starting point is 00:40:21 but that still makes no sense why you guys left the table no it doesn't you need to watch it and the best part is it's like and i nick i'm sure you saw that because we had the actual video from the tailgate go out in 2019 there's just like nothing in this video from that so it looks like like we're just super hungover we're like on our way to the tailgate and then we're on our way home so people are like well what the fuck happened at the tailgate at the tailgate it was mostly us just sitting in a private house being hung over an ambulance that's the only part of the part like the tailgate was so weird because it was so vip yeah like we had to call those ceo to get in there and and then we got in and it was like
Starting point is 00:40:59 we're like yeah no one can get into this so we're just gonna hang out in this air-conditioned house because we were all no. No, excuse me. You and Marty were dying. The photo that we have on top of that RV, you and Marty look like absolute shit. I'm beaming. Yeah, because you were drunk still, I think. Oh, yeah, that's fair. Marty looks like he actually is going to kill himself in that picture.
Starting point is 00:41:19 It also jotted to me for surviving this video because I think I was only over 100 milligrams of Adderall. That you snorted. I mean, I didn't know we were telling that part of the story. Well, I mean, I don't fucking care. It was Vyvanse, first of all. Oh, it was Vyvanse, yeah. And we thought they were like 10s. Oh, no, I kept telling you that they weren't.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Okay, well, I personally didn't know. I was too drunk. I told you that they were 50 milligrams and you broke one open in the hotel room, like chopped it up, and then like an hour later, like, hey, you got some more? I was like, John, you just snorted 50 milligrams of my pants. There was one. So shout out to me for surviving. There is one time that got cut from the video because I was purposely shutting off recording whenever you guys
Starting point is 00:42:06 were talking about that. I'm like, this probably isn't good. This is my first work trip. But there was one... It's still not good. There is one line of audio where it's just like, do you know how much Adderall you... and then it cuts off real quick. Is it in the video? No, it's on the cutting room
Starting point is 00:42:22 floor. No, it's definitely not in the video, but I... Do you have any idea how much Adderall... Casey gets shot in the video? No, it's on the cutting room floor. No, it's definitely not in the video. Do you have any idea how much Adderall... Casey gets shot in the head. The way that Nick edited the morning after Epcot is amazing. Because you have to go back and watch it just from that. Because you finding out everything and then it flashing back to that karaoke bar that we were at. Oh, no. I've seen that clip.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Oh, no. But there's a whole scene like that in the actual content. I just can't watch myself. I hate myself too much. I hate myself too, but it was fun to be like, I was actually alive on this trip
Starting point is 00:42:54 and don't remember any of it. It's like the hangover. You're just re-watching it. I heard Disney adults are very mad at us because we did it backwards. Oh, they're mad at us? We didn't do Epcot the right way. We got a couple tweets about like, we didn't go to Morocco and stuff. I'm like, we did go to. Oh, they're mad at us? Like, we didn't do Epcot the right way. We got a couple tweets about, like,
Starting point is 00:43:05 we didn't go to Morocco and stuff. I'm like, we did go to more places, but, like, we didn't. We went to every place. We did. We started it backwards. It was disrespectful how we started it. How are we supposed to know? So it's a start in, like, Mexico. Mexico's all the way on the other side. Yeah, we took the boat in, so we started in, like, England.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Oh, well, that's not our fucking fault. Yeah, I both should have dropped us off in Mexicoxico yeah i mean i think i'm gonna sneak into mexico come on also if i if we went to mexico first we would have probably never left mexico mexico was by far the best place we went mexico was dope that ride was fun as shit you've got to you have to watch you have to watch the fucking video because i don't remember that happening either and nick is captioning how many other we did like four shots of tequila in that thing do you remember what you did on the boat ride okay watch the video now i don't think i was that drunk at that point it's just like i just don't it was years ago it was so hot like going into there we were all like dying in the AC no no
Starting point is 00:43:59 it wasn't anything bad it was just more of like we acted like we were the only three human beings anywhere near where we were. And we were definitely not. At one point in the video, Nick put, again, there are 30 other people on this ride. You have to watch it. It did take me a week to get the balls to do it. But I'm glad I did it. I was also very high when I watched it. So it eased it a little bit.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Last one, Jack. All right. You're going to get Casey the fuck out of here in a second. But we're going to do one more. Am I the asshole? high when i watched it so it's like he's it a little bit last one jack all right you're gonna case you the fuck out of here in a second but we're gonna do one more am i the asshole this one was specifically tailored for her and this one is coming from better help it's something casey and i both need and seamus what do you have to say about it what's the crack johnny boy all right guys we're gonna get serious for a second here now let me get down to a little bit of an important voice here we're gonna get serious because the last year it's been hard on everybody it's been hard on on the entire world really particularly us up in cork
Starting point is 00:44:54 but you know you guys over in america too and and you know we all need a little bit of help now as irish you know we it's particularly difficult for us to be able to accept help i blame that fuck freud for saying that we're impervious to psychoanalysis so we all just figured fuck it we don't need it but we do we all fucking need it but look here here's the thing at barstool right we all love we truly love and we appreciate our listeners and we we really want you to guys we want to bear the brunt for you you know you listen to us the fucking sad clowns and we we want to be the sad part of your life listen to us i don't know
Starting point is 00:45:25 what i'm saying here okay all right but here's the deal at barstool right we do love and we appreciate our listeners and we want you guys to be just as happy and healthy as we i couldn't even say that one with a straight fucking face but for real though without you none of us would be able to do what we do every day so we want to take care of our bodies right everyone does that everyone's buying salads right they're doing doing fucking pelotons and all these workouts at home everyone's been the whole pandemic everyone's like oh look at the fucking sourdough bread i just made after doing yoga no one's thinking about their brain though you got to think about the brain okay you go to betterhealth.com and that's where they're going to help you out you can do a telehealth call
Starting point is 00:46:02 you can text if that's what you want you can do a video call personally that's what i do do because I got to be able to see the despair in someone's face when I'm sharing my life story with them. When everyone's struggling with something, right, there's no more shame. We all got it. We're all there together. This is truly one of those things that just – it fucking took us all down a peg, didn't it? And it's important to be able to share that with someone and you know sometimes your friends aren't the best because who knows you're telling your friend a story they might just break into an irish accent and make fun of it but uh you pay a professional at better help and they're going to do everything they can to make sure you're right it's customized online therapy
Starting point is 00:46:37 offers video phone even live chat sessions like i mentioned to your therapist so you don't see anyone care if you're not comfortable with it it It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with a therapist in under 48 hours. That was one of the more difficult things for me. It was finding the therapist when I first moved to New York. This fucking solves that problem for you in 48 hours.
Starting point is 00:46:55 48 hours you'll have someone to help you. Now join the millions of people who are always seeing what therapy is about. It's always a good time to invest in yourself and that's right now, particularly right now because you are your greatest asset better help right now our listeners are going to get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash kfc that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash kfc hey we fucking love you love yourself go to better help. I'm told that, Casey, this one's
Starting point is 00:47:25 specifically for you. From who? Wait, who told you that? Okay. Oh, boy. Sorry. I'm 21, and I went on this Tinder date with a 20-year-old, and we met at a coffee place, and she looked way younger than her pic.
Starting point is 00:47:41 First of all, I had nothing to do with this. Sorry, can you start again? I did not choose these. Start it over again, Jack. I'm already getting dirty looks. I don't even know what we're talking about. I wasn't even paying attention to what Jackie was saying. Go ahead. You're going to know exactly as soon as she starts reading where this is going.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Go ahead. Okay, I'm 21 and I went on a Tinder date with a 20-year-old and we met at a coffee place and she looked way younger than her pig. Like, way younger. It creeped me out. and I didn't want to go to prison for a Tinder date, so I asked to see her ID. She flipped out and said I'm really rude, and it's not her fault she looks young, and it's presumptuous of me to think that we're doing anything on the date anyway, so definitely not now, and she laughed, who's the biggest asshole.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Nick, is this because of the cruise situation? Yeah, that's exactly why. First of all, we were both minors. I would like that back on record for the 100th time. We were both minors. These people both seem like they are not minors. There's 21 and what appeared to be a 20. But she looked way younger than 20.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Yeah, 21 and 20, but she looked younger than 20. I think that he's fair to ask that, because if you're not saying you're 21, you are definitely not 20. If you're 19 and you're trying to be older, you're 21. Oh, you're like how no guy's 5'11"? Yes. Yeah, you're either 5'10 or you're 6 feet.
Starting point is 00:49:01 You're not 20. No one makes up that you're 20. And if you look that much younger, you probably are like 17. Wait, so wouldn't her lying be like a guy? Well, yeah, I guess it's a guy lying about being 5'11". I can't pull off 6. Well, also, if you say you're 21 and you're going to a bar and they ask for your ID, no matter how old you are under 21, you're going to get caught.
Starting point is 00:49:24 If you say you're 20, you'd be like, well, I can't get served here anyways, because I'm 20. Because you're probably a teenager. Yeah. You have a built in excuse of why you can't drink at a bar,
Starting point is 00:49:32 when in reality, you don't ever just say you're 20. I don't think anyone's the asshole here. Because it's not, it's not proven she's lying. She just might be a young looking 20 year old. And he's definitely not the asshole for being like, I just want to make sure that I'm not about to fuck a 16-year-old.
Starting point is 00:49:47 Because ask Akon. That can go not great. Well, yeah. You got to build your own city in Africa once that happens. You got to get the fuck out. I think I would be offended if I was actually 20, but I would still be like, yeah, here's my ID. Like, you can see that I'm 20. If you make a big deal about it, you're clearly not 20 years old.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Yeah. If she freaks out about it, it's because she's 16 or 17 years old she's what do you think we're gonna fuck like no i just didn't want to talk to a 16 year old i wasn't even planning on fucking i just haven't caught up on tiktok yet today but it's like when you get id'd when you're over 21 when you're buying alcohol it doesn't offend you you're just like okay here it is like i mean i think it's ridiculous but if like you're under you're gonna be like why are you asking me i you don't think i look old enough that's what that seems like to me yeah if she was a cool girl instead of a girl who gets uti here we are
Starting point is 00:50:39 she would have taken our card like oh oh, my God, I love when people ask me this. Like all 30-year-old women do when they get carded for drinks. I do. Every time. I know. Every single time I get carded. Oh, wow. That's something that happened in forever. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:50:54 You just made my whole day. I have no idea what that has to do with UTIs, but I'll roll with it. Nothing. I was just bringing it up again. Oh, okay. Just because you're thinking about it? Yeah, I've just been thinking about it for about four years now god damn she got a lot of utis you should have showered more john all right casey's out of here because you're being mean to me thank you very
Starting point is 00:51:17 much casey thank you so much i had such a great time it seems sarcastic I did have a good time. Next up is voicemails. They are brought to you by Helix Sleep. Let's see what fucking accent we're doing for Helix. Boy, oh boy. I thought this was a fake fucking word. It's Ron Conkerman. I was like, it's like rom-com con man what the fuck does that mean i should just put marty yeah all right look here rats sleeping like it's it's like hard to do you
Starting point is 00:51:56 know like i can't i sleep every time i try and bring home a chicken dogger like it just doesn't work because i'm like this is my mattress this is the important thing in my life. I need to have a good mattress to dog chicks and to sleep with time because when I'm sleeping, that's what my brain rests in. My brain needs a lot of rest, you know, because I'm using it all the time. Anyway, Helix has a quiz that you just take. You take two minutes on the quiz and the quizzes are hard, you know, I don't do too good on them, but the Helix one, I do pretty good on this quiz. Okay. It tells you know i don't do too good on them but the helix one i do pretty good on this quiz okay it tells you get the perfect mattress for the perfect type of sleep you have you sleep on your side you sleep on the other side you sleep on your back you sleep on your stomach it'll get the best mattress for you right i took the helix quiz and i was matched
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Starting point is 00:53:19 But right now, go to helixsleep.com slash KFC. Get $200 off a mattress. That's a two-minute quiz for $200 off for the best sleep of your life. Enjoy it, rat dogs. Hey, hi, Jesse, Jackie, Nick. I have more of a two-part question or like two separate questions, but I can't pick the best one. And I got these questions based on your last podcast.
Starting point is 00:53:43 My first one is you guys have been on a little peanut butter kick. So I'm just wondering if peanut butter wasn't called peanut butter what would you guys name it the second one kind of related to something you said in your last podcast is I'm just wondering what's the weirdest thing a guest has
Starting point is 00:54:00 done in your house or someone you've interviewed I know you might not be able to answer that what's the weirdest thing someone has done in your house or something someone you've interviewed i know you might not be able to answer that but the weirdest thing some someone has done additionally shut up shut up you've done your part what would you rename peanut butter it is funny like uh this is gonna sound stupid it's gonna be almost sound like my tortilla chip problem whereas like i didn't realize the chips were made from tortillas but like when i think of peanut butter i'm not thinking of that it's like a thing of butter just peanut flavored i just think of it as like peanut butter it's his own thing you know like if it came in the same exact tub and like looked or if it came
Starting point is 00:54:42 in like a stick of butter but it was peanut then i would make the connection that this is just like peanut this is butter but peanut but in my mind peanut butter is like it's just its own own yeah i don't think i've ever made the connection until right now right right like that i don't think that's that weird if it was like um you know like butter if it's not in a stick comes in like those round with the same type of top and the same if it all came in the same packaging then i would make type of top and the same if it all came in the same packaging then i would make the connection more but the idea that it's like you know because like uh like cream cheese is kind of the same thing as like butter but it's not called like
Starting point is 00:55:13 cream butter i guess i would call it peanut cream maybe i was gonna say uh salty nut cream that's that is horrific branding from the man who created like tinder and saturdays are for the boys comes his worst idea salty nut cream butter? salty nut cream salty nut cream let me tell you something a little bit about branding
Starting point is 00:55:38 it's important to tell the consumer exactly what it is that is exactly what it is you think it's salty? well peanut is a salty nut I don't think it's salty? Well, peanut is a salty nut. Right, but I don't think it's salty. I think it's more sweet. It's a sweet nut cream. Sweet nut cream, sure. We should just call it cum. That's what it sounds like you're describing.
Starting point is 00:55:54 I would call this... I think I would call it peanut cream. Peanut whip. I'm trying to think of the other words that are used in these type of things. Cream. Paste.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Is that peanut paste? A little pee-pee. Peanut paste, yeah. Peanut paste is pretty good. Yeah, you want some pee-pee? Nobody, huh? No takers? Oh, everyone really hated sweet nut cream, but they're all aboard the pee-pee train. I'm looking at, well, I mean, like, sea salt is in here,
Starting point is 00:56:26 so you could go with the salt. Cane sugar, organic roasted peanuts. How about roasted peanut spread? That's a pretty good one. Spread, cream, whip, paste, any of those words mixed with peanut. Brown. Brown liquid paste. Brown goo.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Put that doo-doo butter on there that brown butter it's called with jelly with jelly is what you use it with jelly yeah with jelly anti-jelly the opposite of jelly you know jelly you'll need this yeah i think it's more the opposite i think it's like you know you need jelly with peanut butter to make the argument. I'll eat peanut butter straight up all the time. But jelly cuts the peanut butter with the wetness. You know what I mean? But you don't need peanut butter to make the jelly.
Starting point is 00:57:18 You know what I mean? Yeah. I think I do. I think we somehow stumbled into a 420 episode. What's the weirdest thing someone's ever done in your house? I saw this tweet go viral last year, and I thought it was so true. It said, like, guests be using the weirdest cups in your house, which I think is true. Like, you have your cups, your forks, you have your utensils that you like, your bowls that you like, your plates, cups that you go to.
Starting point is 00:57:44 And then you have your reject ones that just like nobody ever touches, you know? But like a guest will come through and not know that and grab like that cup, that mug, and it's like, oh, you use the blue cup? Oh, my God. Nobody uses the blue cup. Enjoy your dust water, dude. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like that's like stuck.
Starting point is 00:57:58 It's like pull it off because it's been there for years. So I think like the weird little things that you grow accustomed to that your guests wouldn't know. But that's, you know, I guess the weirdest thing would be if a guest is jerked off in your house or something like that. Oh, I was going to say you had their period.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Ugh. If you think about it, you just fucking pissed blood in my toilet. By any stretch of the imagination, that's a weird thing. Wait a minute, man. Wait a minute. I mean, is that what happens? Are you under the impression that they go piss blood in my toilet. By any stretch of the imagination, that's a weird thing. Wait a minute, man. Wait a minute. I mean, is that what happens?
Starting point is 00:58:27 Are you under the impression that they go piss blood? Like, oh, I... Not totally. It's that time of the month for me and I'm at John's house. Let me go pee blood in their toilet. When you pull out your tampon,
Starting point is 00:58:36 there's blood getting in my toilet. That's fucking weird, man. Like, look, it's not unnatural. I'm not arguing that i was gonna say you went from so progressive with the only fans to being like girls are bleeding in my house and i don't like it look if you were a guy and you're like you like yo i just bled in your toilet i'd be like that's weird man yeah yeah definitely so when a girl does it it's still weird definitely i mean if you listen if you were talking like mini uh diva cups i mixed my porn there for a second
Starting point is 00:59:04 diva with diva cups if you were diva mini diva cups, I mixed my porn there for a second. Mini diva with diva cups. If you were diva cupping in my bathroom, that would be fucking weird. Yeah. I think the period, you know, the tampon thing, you know, is, come on, we got to normalize that. I mean, you flushed a fucking paper log of blood down my toilet. No, no, you don't flush them. You know, so even weirder, you left a blood log in my little. I'll take care of it.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Don't worry, I'll fix it. I'll take care of it don't worry i'll fix it i'll take you i'll take care of your fucking dna don't worry about the weirdest thing i've ever made me do is dispose of their fucking dna you know what actually the the best the best argument would really be is like the best answer to this question here make to make it like a riddle is like a one-night stand if you had a stranger like what's the weirdest thing a stranger's done in your house? Like, suck my dick. Like, someone I just met, she just rolled into my house and put my dick in her mouth.
Starting point is 00:59:51 That's pretty weird when you think about it. I don't even know you. What's the weirdest thing a stranger's done in your house? Had consensual sex. Yeah, agreed to let me flop around on top of her for a little while until I cum. Yeah, it's pretty weird. It's pretty fucking weird, man.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Yeah. Let's do, like, one more. A.K.C. Fights, Jackie, Nick, Zach, where the hell's in there? You got a shout-out, Nick! Hey! Congratulations, Zach,
Starting point is 01:00:16 finally got a shout-out. Fights, Jackie, Nick, Zach, where the hell's in there? Wait, he kind of said Zach. I'm a fan from Argentina. He did, right? 2016, A.K.C. Fights, Jackie, Nick, Shaq, who the hell's in there? Wait, he kind of said Shaq. I'm a fan from Argentina. He did, right? In 2016, AKC fights Jackie, Nick, Shaq, who the hell's in there? I'm a fan from Argentina, Kansas State in 2016 from college.
Starting point is 01:00:36 Been listening since then. But on the last episode, you said that the whole, like, fuckboy it's like a new thing right or like the term but you said back then you had craigslist craigslist for like smashing i thought you could only like rent an apartment or buy a shitty car through that so could you walk the youth a little bit you know walk us through it you know yeah i think you guys repeat that one this fucking thing any car through that. So could you walk the youth a little bit, you know, walk us through it, you know?
Starting point is 01:01:08 Yeah, I think... You guys repeat that one. This fucking thing is going back and forth. He was... Last episode, I said, we were talking about whether, like,
Starting point is 01:01:15 fuckboys is a new thing and an old thing and I talked about, like, the difference in technology and I said that, like, you, you know, you have the dating apps
Starting point is 01:01:22 and it dates all the way back to, like, hooking up on Craigslist and he was like, I thought you could only way back to like hooking up on Craigslist. And he was like, I thought you could only get a shitty car or an apartment on Craigslist. I didn't know you could get sex on Craigslist. And I mean you just definitely could. I feel like that was like a gay thing for a while, right? Like before – I mean it was like dangerous, but like that was –
Starting point is 01:01:38 Yeah, I mean that wasn't – Like Pat says you should troll Craigslist for dudes. Yeah, Pat's probably better to talk about this than I am. But I – yeah, it was definitely more of a – because it was a – I forget the exact terminology. But it was definitely like guys looking for guys. Yeah, G. But like it was more – yeah, it was more local. Of all the acronyms or whatever.
Starting point is 01:01:55 Yeah, I didn't know the straights. Like guys looking for guys or something like that. I didn't know the straights did that. Well, here's the thing. I think guys – I think gay guys did it. Seeking. It was seeking, right? Seeking, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Men seeking women and guys seeking guys. You know. You know. Yeah. I think it was gay guys looking – because, you know, like unfortunately they had to do it like on the low and sneaky and shit. And then I think the straights were murdering people. I think you would be like, let's hook up and then it would be a serial killer. Yeah, that was like – it was like you started pretending to be a woman in the chat room.
Starting point is 01:02:25 And then you took it to Gregson. And then you were murdered. And then you were murdered for a man to kill. Speaking of, just got to touch on EDP. Holy moly. I saw a tweet about that from you yesterday. I didn't fully understand it. So EDP, eat that pussy 445, was an internet, an OG internet 1.0 character
Starting point is 01:02:42 who was a big time Eagles fan. And he was just this huge fat black guy who loved the eagles and he would just be like fuck you know he just scream and yell about them and he loved like uh internet porn and pussy and stuff so he was eat that pussy about like a year or two ago or i don't know when he got caught messaging underage girls but then like he's he's out he's not like he went to jail. So, like, I think the internet caught him, but there was never any, like, legal troubles for him. But he definitely got exposed, like, screenshots
Starting point is 01:03:12 and screen recordings of him DMing young girls. So he got, like, shamed off the internet for a bit, but nothing legal happened. And then it happened again. So, like, these, like, vigilante dudes, like, catfished him to catch a predator, like, Chris Hansen, Chris Hansen-ed him. And there's a 50-minute video. He shows up to, like, meet what was supposed to be the 13-year-old girl.
Starting point is 01:03:39 And it's this dude, big, red, burly, red beard, looking like a Storm the Capitol type of guy, and he's like sidekick. And they – it was just weird. It was creepy because he's just talking through it. But he also like – I was like, why are you talking to these guys? They're not cops or anything. They were like, take a seat. Like sit down here on the curb.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Like sit down. We're going to talk about this. And EDP – he didn't sit down, but he's just like – he's like, okay, all right. Let's talk about it. And he like turns to the cameraman. He's like he's just like, he's like, okay, all right, let's talk about it. And he, like, turns to the cameraman. He's like, fist bump. And the cameraman's like, I don't fist bump people like you. And he's like, okay, all right, all right.
Starting point is 01:04:11 And the guy started asking him questions, and he starts answering them. I'm like, what are you doing? What is going on here? So they, like, grill him, just like, why are you doing this? And, like, EDP tries to talk his way. He doesn't try to talk his way out of it. At times he's just like, I don't know. I'm lonely, man. And they're like, why?
Starting point is 01:04:26 Why are you talking to like 13 year old girls? Super, super creepy, super weird, super tragic, super sad. Hopefully he never like actually did anything or acted on it. Then give it like two more minutes and the Internet exposes those guys as like hardcore racists who like scream the N-word and shit. So it was like the the pedophiles were being exposed by these guys. And then those guys got exposed as being racist. And it's just like around and around we go on this fucking horrible merry-go-round called the internet.
Starting point is 01:04:53 But it was, I mean, you know, DP was like a, like a funny, like goofy. He's kind of like a Frank, the tank type of character back then.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Right. Like a big fat screaming fanatic. Frank, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. I hope there's no... Jesus. It was a sad, sad story, but it was very bizarre for these non-law enforcement guys
Starting point is 01:05:18 to be like... I'll see you later. It was a 50-minute video. I watched a couple minutes of it, and then I saw the scroll bar, and I was like, oh my god. This is like so fucking long. So yeah, the internet is a horrible, horrible goddamn place. Thank you. Thank you.

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