KFC Radio - Shane Gillis and John McKeever Explain The 'Gilly and Keeves' Skit They Refuse to Release - Full Ep

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

- Barstool has our Christmas party tonight and it’s clear that there have been some budget cuts - We explain Who’s The Biggest A**hole game - Shane has a Chris Hansen / To Catch a Predator take - Theo Jame was thankfully wearing a fake d*** in White Lotus - Shane got recognized by Miles Teller - Joe Rogan vs Connor Mcgreggor - Behind the scenes of Gilly and Keeves - Shane sang for Kid Rock in Nashville - Video Voicemails - Who’s the Biggest A**hole questions +++++++++++++++++++++++ 14:33 - Barstool Company party 17:37 - Who’s The Biggest A**hole game 19:39- Chris Hansen take 23:44 - White Lotus 35:56 - Getting recognized by Miles Teller 44:36 - Joe Rogan and Connor Mcgreggor 54:44:25 - Gilly and Keeves 01:07:29 - Singing for Kid Rock 01:17:21 - Video Voicemails 01:13:24 - Barkley dunking on their friend 01:30:54 - Who’s the biggest a**hole? +++++++++++++++++++++++ SXM App: Subscribe now and get your first 3 months for free of the Sirius XM App, visit https://barstool.link/SXMKFC to sign up. Offer Details apply Omaha Steaks: Visit https://barstool.link/OmahaSteaksBSS use promo code KFC at checkout to get an EXTRA $30 OFF your order (Minimum order may be required) Curve: Sign up at https://barstool.link/CurveBSS to receive $20 in Curve Cash. Terms and Conditions Apply. Manscaped: Save 20% off + free shipping by going to https://barstool.link/KFCManscaped Rhoback: Go to https://barstool.link/RhobackBSS and use the code “KFC” for 20% off your first purchase!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh, he's f***ing sick. My dad can't come to the f***ing door right now. He's sick. He's having a s***. My dad's f***ing puking everywhere. Shut the f*** up, man. I got drunk and was like, dude, I'm going to buy that. It was so expensive. Was it?

Yes. I regretted it. Wait, like the whole thing? The whole thing, dude. This is yes. This is foolish. How much are we talking? Ballpark me. Probably like $700.

Really? Crazy. That is expensive. It's really stupid. Is it because it's like OVO Drake or some shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is cool. Bro, it's more. It's a little tight. It's a little more corn fitting. It's really stupid. Yeah. Is it because it's like OVO Drake or some shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is cool. But, bro, it's a little tight.

It's a little more form-fitting. I look like a big, dumb jerk. Dude, everybody in the office hates me. I'm finally fitting into Barstool. Everyone here hates me. They're out to get me. They're going to cut me. They need to make cuts.

Once everyone in the company hates you, yeah, you work at Barstool. That's fucking great, man. Maybe we did the gay guy podcast. Yeah. They were great. Was it off the walls? Yeah, they're so funny. Dude.

Matt, when people go to them first, he's like, we can't compete with that. We're just regular fucking straight normal. I don't think anybody can. Both of them are great, but Joey Kamasta, he came in here a couple years ago with Snooki. He's boys with Snooki. That's how he kind of got in the business. And at the time, we're like, yeah, Snooki, Jersey Shore, bring on the show. And they were like, can we bring along her co-host, Joey?

We're like, yeah, sure, whatever. I was like, forget Snooki. This guy, he's the fucking star of the show. I forget if it was the first or second time that we had him on. He just told a story about fucking a dildo on the wall at his parents' house, but he shit everywhere. He was shitting everywhere. Well, you know, that happens with them. You do it once.

You do it once. Have you ever seen or heard the story of when he comes? Yes. He showed us a video. Oh, did he so he's usually rather protective well no i think you guys must be important people i mean i think we were just hungry for some content that's one of the more impressive cum shots i've ever seen in my life it's tough to go on a show

like we promoting what we do and then he shows that like well don't worry about what we're promoting let's talk about this we're not coming on our face no he is uh a whole whole next level he's got an extra gear that we don't have yeah and they they just he has that he can say literally whatever he wants yeah when he first came in here he was like i want to suck all of your dicks and we were just like okay i should roll up in a place but i'm gonna eat your pussy and your pussy and your pussy and he's big too yeah yeah he's a big guy yeah he likes to say he you know remember like back in the day pretty high it's pretty there were those shirts that like I beat anorexia that like fat yeah joey says he beats trans he beat transgender he's like he's like I'm so gay I was supposed to be transgender, and I'm not, so I beat it.

Yeah, I didn't think I would fuck him. Then I saw that Christmas photo they posted. Yo, legs. His legs were decent. Legs, dude. Legs for days, man. He's fire. We were literally just re-watching Gillian Keyes.

Man, there are so many good moments in that. My favorite moment of maybe the whole fucking thing is when you called him the dummy from Goosebumps. That one wasn't a big hit. I turned to all the guys and I go, that's exactly what that dummy looks like. And then you say, Google, it's a good reference. I was like, yes! I mean, it's spot on, man. My favorite is, it's an outtake. We couldn't use it because we couldn't say it.

But in ISIS Toyota, when I was like, dude, you brought me over here to talk about pussy, and John's like, I brought you over here to talk about ISIS, and then pussy came up. We just couldn't say it. It's so fucking funny. Wait, why are we doing shades on here? Just to be cool? I'm just very hungover In the lobby I was like

John I feel like a dumbass for wearing these And I look stupid And I was like maybe I should take them off And then I was like He was like keep them on Put them back on There's never a show you can be hungover on I don't think it's bad

It's not that bad It does go with the shoot I just feel more comfortable. Yeah. It's Hollywood Gillis over here. It's Hollywood Gillis, man. I'm becoming fully autistic. I actually just feel more comfortable wearing sunglasses.

I'm Frankenstein. I can wear whatever I want. I bought Drake's clothes. I was on Instagram drunk, and I bought Drake's sweatsuit. And now I wear sunglasses inside. Oh, man. on Instagram drunk and I bought Drake sweatsuit and now I wear sunglasses inside. And behind these sunglasses, I'm just walking through the office going, everyone here thinks I'm a fucking loser. Yo, you are so in your own head, man. I mean, we all are, but you are for sure.

Yeah. Like you should have just named the fucking tour. Couldn't name the tour. Fuck it. Just do it. You want to do it? You had a name? What, He Ready? Yeah, He Ready. It's funny. It would be good. He Ready is funny, but it's kind of do it you had a name what he ready yeah he ready it'll be good ready is funny but it's kind of it's making fun of Tiffany Haddish but I don't want to I don't know what I don't want to make fun of her

okay that's making fun of her as much as it's making fun of you taking yes yes that's true what's that is I didn't want to. She read it. She read it. Which is. Yes. Yeah. Called he ready. It's my dumb face. It is funny. But then there's also there's a lot of people that wouldn't get it. Yeah.

Like, what the fuck is this? He ready. I love the picture of a sleep cop. The fucking on top of the tour dates. Yeah. But yeah, man, I mean, we really, I think I said it before, but it's like the new Chappelle show. It's unbelievable.

Thanks, man. It really is top-notch stuff. I know we've talked before. This is the first time you've been on the show, but there just hasn't been anything quite like it. And it really even feels like the way you cut to certain people and it's like, ah, there has not been something. Because the whole cast of characters is great. You know what what i mean there's a whole yeah and if you know the industry obviously you see like finance pop up and francis and everything so it's very cool

that uh everybody's in the mix but it's it's a home run yeah francis is great so good that francis on there and we make him play francis yeah yeah no matter who he is, he's Francis. How should I read this? Like that. Like that. Read it like that. Read it like that. You got the gig. John, are you sure no inflection?

John, what are you talking about? What did John do like this? Yeah. What would he say? When I first met him, I was like this fucking cop. As he was walking towards me, I was like this fucking cop. Absolutely. I'm going to hate this guy.

Francis is the best. And now I'm so for him. What's funny is that he knows, though. He knows that. He knows that his first impression is like, I'm a 6'3 fucking Harvard lax bro. You hate me. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But he plays it well and wears it well. He's one of the fucking best guys. We were very happy to have him come back. You went with a much more kind first impression of Francis. I think he just looks like a Nazi. Not a today Nazi. Like a fucking... Like when they were in their heyday.

Like the Nazis Nazis. Nazis today aren't looking great. It is tough to make the argument. I look more like a Nazi today. Francis is prime Nazi. OG Nazi. To be honest, yeah, that's like the old, like the real Nazis would fucking hate the new Nazis. Like, you bums are.

Everyone hates the new Nazis. Yeah, yeah. The old Nazis, there were a couple guys. Yeah, there was. The sunglasses on, it doesn't count. Yeah, this is my mask On Alex Jones Yeah yeah

He's wearing a mask He's like is it me Maybe it's a deep fake Yeah Dude I have Has there been any Or many guests

That have ever gotten Alex Jones to be like Whoa whoa whoa buddy Whoa Yeah yeah He was like Hang on now He said look

I feel like you get a bad rap Like you're not a Nazi No one should put that tag on you He kept trying And just goes well Yeah And hold up Yeah And hold up I feel like you get a bad rap. You're not a Nazi. No one should put that tag on you. He kept trying so hard. It just goes, well. And hold up. Yeah.

And hold up. The best one is right at the end. They're like, he's like, we're having a good time here. This is going, we're all going crazy right now. We're all a little crazy. The Nazis, we don't like them, all that. And then the camera's panning to the side of the desk because they're cutting to a commercial.

And it's just Kanye on the end going, I like like the fucking i like turtles kids bro i like hitler bro i texted that to kevin and i was like i was like i mean i gotta be honest it made me laugh out loud like kind of just saying i like you thought it was funny like i thought it was bro that's not good you saw that and thought it was funny? What's wrong with you? What are you, everybody else? What are you, every single one of us? And then we all gotta go, no!

Bad boy. How about Infowars? So fucking funny. Infowars, while he was saying it, running the fucking curb stomping clip from American History. That was a bit of an oversight. That's the worst part. Whoever that guy is, press the buttons. We've got Kanye coming in, guys.

Any Nazi movies you think we could run background? And then I thought they were not going to show it. They show the full thing. That's the worst thing I've ever seen in a movie, by the way. That scene fucked me up for a long time. That was the first time I learned about it. I wonder what the worst thing I've ever seen in a movie by the way that that fucked me up that that's the curve for a long time because I was the first time I learned about it what the worst thing in the movie was I think that's up there that and probably like some oh yeah man that is tough yeah it's tough one so anyway pretty good when is that the tour start tour starts that's gotta be in

January soon so that's cool because you're gonna get rich but also it's like that's all yeah so it's it later already rich right yeah look at the my Drake tracks I think things are going pretty good. You made it. Whatever. Yeah, definitely a bit of a rich dad, poor dad thing going on here. He walked in like, what's up, everybody? I was like, hey, Marksville. It's good to be here. Yeah, it starts in January. Dude, when we were watching earlier, and you kind of bring this up,

I think it's in your Austin stand-up, where you're like, god damn, music's so much cooler than what I do. So much better. Dude, is it tough? You're writing the most amazing sketches. And then I was just scrolling my phone, and I saw Brady's new girlfriend got found out. And I was like, I'm just going to look at a hot chick

for a while. It just took her. Brady's new girlfriend? Allegedly. She is so hot. She speaks Zero English Zero English She said like

Give me advices For my new Give me advices For my new outfit Advices She is Wow Share a chair

You know show her Look at his face Yo That face right there If your girlfriend Can make another man Do that face She's the hottest girl

In the fucking world Dude I like I just like zoned Like blacked out For like 20 minutes Jeez Louise Apparently it's because can make another man do that face. She's the hottest girl in the fucking world, dude. I just zoned, blacked out for 20 minutes. Apparently, it's because she posted a picture. That almost looks like AI. Yeah, like it's not even real. You're right. That is just gorgeous.

You liked it. I just muted it. So she was at the, her first post is, most recent post is at the Tampa Bay game, wearing the fucking jersey. I didn't see that So that's definite That's pretty wonderful Whose phone is this?

Mine No case No case Wow He's always a no case guy I just got a new phone And I haven't gotten a case yet And it's like

Freaking me out It's a piece of glass These guys These assholes have always been like You're a pussy if you have a case And then meanwhile They spend like $800 a fucking Yeah

Exactly So she was wearing the Brady jersey right so obviously that's pretty you know but the caption on this like okay she doesn't speak english so maybe that's why but the caption is like i saw the legend it's not like it doesn't talk about someone like if you were fucking i don't think you would post all that yeah but i think maybe you do post that and then he's like who's this girl i'm gonna don't give a fuck. Because on her stories, she was in an electric Hummer, apparently. And that's Tom Brady's car. He has an electric Hummer. And the picture was her on the passenger seat.

And these fucking internet weirdos were like, that's his electric Hummer. So they're fucking. You know what's great? She's dating probably the most powerful athlete alive right yeah and there's still probably cab drivers in her comments like babe you are gorgeous yeah like definitely dude's like i'm gonna take a shot dude someone one time some guy quoted when uh look gorgeous look at the the the flame emojis were so i've been like such a great invention because you can't say you are pretty but you saw like two flame emojis there

yeah that's all right you look great in that bikini says anders six three two four yeah man she's about to dm you back bro look at this guy is that a brick is that yeah what is he's doing good stuff though happy on december 20 honors i think you're cool because you look like a guy that would kill all four of us that is a loaf of bread here right yeah baked rye it's a big time it's baked rye 720 722 likes though that's not that's a lot that's not bad bro yeah i know people i know people 2 000 followers from denmark shout out to anders right here the but someone quote tweeted the like the tweet is that is that a the weight of his loaf? Wow. Fucking fat ass. Fucking fat ass.

That's Alex. Yo, what is that? Yo, throw on as a follow from the KFC radio account. He loves the Empire State Building. Look at the other one. He's got several Empire State Buildings.

Did you follow? Yeah, wait. Go to the Empire State Building. Is that just like he likes? Yeah, he's an Empire State Builder. Oh, it's a puzzle. Yeah, but there's also a 3D puzzle.

But there's also that real picture, no? Never in a million years. Look at that. So this guy is at home making his 3D puzzle. My one buddy got hit with the opioid crisis. He got hit with it pretty bad. And then he started trying to sell shit on Facebook. Oh, no. Which was hilarious.

But then he would try to sell mirrors. And he was in the picture every time. And it was very funny. Sell a mirror? He would sell a mirror and take a picture. And he would be in the background. But it looks like he's just taking a selfie. He's like, quality mirror.

How many mirrors did he have? It was at least three. An abundance of mirrors. At least three? It was at least three. An abundance of mirrors. At least three. It was at least three different ones. And one of them was a dresser that was a mirror. A mirror dresser. Oh, one of those old-fashioned makeup things?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, quick word from our boys over at Sand Girls. Quick word from our boys and girls. Leave the full thing in. Over at SiriusXM. Subscribe now and get your first three months for free of the SiriusXM app. Visit barstool.link slash xmkfc. It's nice and easy.

I'll repeat it for you. It's barstool.link slash xmkfc. Sign up now. Other details apply. I mean, here's the deal. If you don't have Sirius, you can't survive in this world. It is incredibly important. As someone who used to have a show on Sirius, that's a lie.

I just crashed someone else's show the whole time. Sirius XM is your home for the holidays with a festive lineup of channels featuring classic carols to contemporary hits, plus year-end countdowns to bring in the new year. I love me a good year-end countdown. Nothing gets me jacked up like arguing about the top ten songs of the year and things of that ilk. 20-plus holiday channels available on the SiriusXM app.

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SiriusXM.com slash KFC Radio offer to sign up. Offer details apply. Could I have a beer? We got whiskey. Is it hot? Do you guys have any hot beer I could drink? Do we have any in the kitchen?

Yeah. We definitely have it upstairs. Company parties today That's gonna be fucking fun The company party used to be like Rooftop here and fucking rented out room there It is in the conference room upstairs So the economy is fucked

When I say the economy I mean barstool We have pizzas and beers upstairs For the company party Used to be like I forget the hotel We used to rent out The Jane The Jane

We used to do fucking fireplaces Have people doing like Dances around We rented the Wedding like photo machine Bang We did it all man And now it's like

It's hard to go back With the janitors Yeah You get a taste of that You just look around You're like Oh okay That was What's the deal Break the tank Pizza Yeah And now it's like, it's hard to go back. Yeah. You get a taste of that. You just look around. You're like, oh, okay. That was the deal.

Break the tank. Pizza. Yo, yo, yo. Put it this way. Yeah. Like three, maybe four. I don't even know how many years ago. It was like a bomb ass party at some fancy place with the call her daddy girls getting

like sloshed and fucking like hanging out with everybody and everything was like trying to get foot jobs yeah yeah or like our office hanging out with it was a cool part yeah and now now they're now it's you guys bro i will never it's so funny how good for her but it is so funny one of the all-time rebrands. We found a video. Did that Thanksgiving video ever go out? No, I don't think it did. I don't know if I can tell you. Well, whatever.

Oh, no, no, no. It's on the internet. We just didn't tweet it the other day. So they made a video when they first started about how to stuff your turkey, and it was just not – you would think, like let's make a couple jokes about like double entendres. They were just like, here's the clit on your turkey. And they would slap it and be like, this is how you make your turkey squirt. It didn't even make any sense.

And now she's Oprah. God bless. Wow, babe, you're gorgeous. That's all you get from me. That's all you get from me. I can't even – Giselle's got to be so pissed. You see that and you're like, fuck. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Fuck, I am not going to win this break that. I can't even. Giselle's got to be so pissed. You see that and you're like, fuck. Yeah.

I mean, I am not going to win this break up. I don't know. She's been with Tom Brady for a while. She's probably like, good luck to that lady. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's probably true. I mean, I'm sure she'll land with some dude who's equally as hot.

I think Giselle will be all right. Giselle, you're gorgeous. It's funny that she spoke too much English for him. He's like, this is too much. I can't ever. I said, how do you even converse with her? And Feidelberg was like, yeah, exactly. Tom Brady's got it all figured out.

I don't know. But then that's also the worst when it's like, no. When I said, I don't know, I didn't mean try again. You had your one shot. No, I didn't understand that. Like, oh, OK, what I said was, oh, no, understand that Like oh okay What I said was Oh no no no What I actually said was

Don't talk to me What's this? Who's the biggest asshole? Yeah it's our new game Like Answer the Internet We It's a good box It is right?

It came out cool And it's like actually Like a real This is not actually A planned plug It's like a real game That has like game pieces And shit Or you can just kind of rattle through the cards say who's the biggest asshole yeah it's like these little scenarios we'll do the video with you afterwards it's like

you know my boyfriend said this um my best friend had a sober wedding because he and his wife uh his husband met in aa i brought a secret flask of whiskey to share and our friends found out and think I'm an asshole. And the game is you figure out is it an asshole thing? Who do you think's the asshole? The two guys getting married who had a sober wedding? Thank you very much.

Or the guy who stole, who snuck a whiskey because he's at the sober wedding? The asshole that had the sober wedding i i think that's it i mean it's like i get that you are but you know no one else is i went to you guys ever go to one sober wedding yeah no i went to one was that because same sort of deal they were sober yeah just the the it was my ex-girlfriend's sister and their her family no one really drank and uh yeah it was tough i mean that's you know you tough it's such a weird yeah how do

you do they not answer the well yeah but it was very again it was like a Christian thing and like the preacher you ever go to a Christian fucking mess it's weird well I mean I'm wedding wedding but like the reception like a Protestant they're like a I don't know what the fuck they are with like the preachers kind of like hip like the type of a Protestant they're like a I don't know what the fuck they are with like the preacher is kind of like hip like the type of church that they play like guitar at oh no and the preacher is always very horny he's always very like now it's now you guys are married everyone's kind of like you guys God wants you to multiply. And that's the fun part. It's like, all right, dude. Yeah, we get it, man.

Just be a Catholic pedophile. Be quiet about it. Yo, we had Chris Hansen in here last week. That's the last thing you want to hear. He's the fucking man. Who is he cock-blocking this time? I might have said it on here. I've said it a thousand times. Chris Hansen. It always be that dude.

This is the worst take possible. I always felt bad for the guy. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We talked about that. We talked about it. No, we talked about it with him. Oh, really? Did you ever pity the guys? It's always Indian dudes who are like, what? I don't even get what the problem is.

He's like, what are you doing here? He's like, what the fuck do you think I'm doing? It's a fucking pussy. This is my wife now. And then, or just for real, mentally challenged men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they get the guys that are like clearly predators. You know what I mean?

When it's like the math teacher and then you see him get speared in the front line. Yes, that rules. But when it's a guy that's like, I don't know. He did talk about that. Like he said, some stuff doesn't make, doesn't and and shit like that where there is like a because that's as dark as it gets yeah that's a yeah he said he said he had like an 18 year old like clearly mentally challenged or 19 year old i forget what it is and he's like he's clearly mentally challenged he's obese and he just like i don't know he just starts crying and breaking

down about how hard his life is and so it's hard not to just be a human that's complete despair coming up next look at this fat freak yeah dude that's the worst that's human it's the worst thing ever yeah it's fat free but then also he's like but then sometimes like a navy seal turns a corner and you're like, hang on, maybe we don't do this one. Maybe we skip this one. Is that the security guards close here? Did you see EDP got pinched again? No.

That dude just can't stop trying to fool these kids. He's this old school. Mentally challenged, man. Kind of like a little internet legend. He was a diehard Eagles fan and his name was EatThatPussy445. And he just would make post-game videos being like, the fucking Eagles and blah, blah, blah. And then a few years ago, he got caught in one of those entrapped where you're texting in chat rooms and all that shit. Cheetos?

What's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he did it like 10 more times. It's never like the cops don't catch him. It's like other people, and they out him. And then he did it like 10 more times. It's never like the cops don't catch him. It's like other people and they out him. And then he just keeps going. Yeah. I think a pedophilia is almost like being canceled.

Where you're like, you can't if I just don't stop. I'm just going to. Until they put him in jail. It's like I remember I had a buddy Who was like Will someone just finally cancel He's like

Will someone just finally cancel Antonio Brown He doesn't have a job And it doesn't seem like He cares about What the public thinks about him Well what's wrong with him I think he's got a warrant out

For domestic abuse right now Was he like holed up in his house with a gun or something? Yeah, that's right, man. A big AB defender. Who, him? I don't buy it. What else? It was, I honestly forget there was, I forget.

I don't want to start listing things that aren't true. It's very thoughtful. But he's had a good run. He was fucking jerking off in that pool with that girl. Oh, right. Shoving his ass in her face and stuff. yes that was weird yeah I didn't like it. I was trying to find a video. There's this guy.

You just have to like it. By the way, by the way, anyone thought I liked his dick? I didn't. Everyone out there that keeps saying I liked Antonio Brown's dick is lying. Yo, hell, what a relief. That guy's dick in White Lotus was fake. That was a relief. That was a fucking relief, dude.

I watched it with my girlfriend. We were on the couch. The dick came out, and I was like, you loved it, didn't you? You fucking loved that guy, didn't you? She was like, what? It's fake. It's fake. I was like, how many dicks have you seen that you know that it's fake?

You can't win. You can't win. It was pretty fun. Yeah, no, there's been some massive, massive dicks in shows the last couple years. And it's almost like you should have to. I haven't seen it. You should have to like run this. You didn't see it?

No. It's nuts. I very weirdly have only seen episode six of The White Lotus. I very much enjoyed it, though. It was great. It's a good show. Yeah. Of the second season?

I've seen nothing of the first season. I hated the first season. Really? I've heard the opposite. I heard the, wait, have you? Yeah. Look at that thing dangling. In motion, that thing's wild.

In the photo, it doesn't do it justice. In motion, that thing was like, yo. Dude, did you see when, like, the whole fucking internet got mad at? Also, he's just Francis Ellis in that show. Which one is he? This character? He's like, what, bro? We've got to. You've got to come bank with me

oh is this cameron is that his name i don't even know how you said it yeah you gotta come bang you gotta come yeah yeah i think i think his name is cameron he's the one who had the threesome with aubrey plaza's husbands whatever that's the episode i've seen where they get caught having it where they're going like they go to wine country kind of deal. And Aubrey Plaza's being like, just slamming it back. Being like, have you ever had a threesome at dinner? And they're like, hey, babe, shut the fuck up. Yeah. It's very uncomfortable.

It's super uncomfortable. But there was an article. I'm trying to find this fucking. There's a dick that puts that dick to shame. Oh, the Netflix show. Yes. I know what you're talking about. Sex Life.

Whoa. Yeah. This dude's penis is enormous. But enormous but it's like hard to find now what is that what's he putting on there oh it's some sort of sex that looks cool oh man i you know this is. This is not working for me. But he was in the shower. Even worse, just water. Yes, because it was cascading down.

That is pretty rough. It was wetting down. I think you guys were talking about how you used the water and pointed things. As a kid, I was a superhero. I still do it. I still do it constantly. A bug in the shower, good luck. Or a hair or whatever.

I hadn't put together that it was like water capping. I thought it was literally coming out of my fingertips. Oh, you thought it was coming out. I thought it was coming out. Like spider power and shit? Yeah. Yeah, this guy's dick was pointing straight down, and it was kind of like an elephant thing.

And he just walks by. It's like he's cheating on his wife sort of thing, or with his wife he's just kind of like hey man and the guy's just like fuck i mean it was but i think that was confirmed fake too so there's a lot of fake i know they i mean it better be fake i just want one guy to do a zine with his little dick sitting on top of his balls yeah every guy can just be like yes i talked about this once with a girl hello and i was like look let's just you know you're doing that thing we're like i'm sure you haven't been with guys that much bigger right you know like and there was a candle on the table oh no and she was like i was with a guy once it was like that and i was like well i wish there was a fucking eject button on this like i can't ever fucking

you can't go back from that and it was like it just like and i just had to sit there the rest and they're like well i'm never gonna what are we we're talking like a candle like a no it was like a candles can be it was like a candle like a uh fancy bar like a dark bar yeah it was it was fat. It was fat. And then I was like, as a joke, where did you meet him? Is he alive? Is he real? He died, right? Tragically?

He's dead, right? The worst thing you can get is if it's like, no, yours is perfect. It's like, oh yeah. You would just say it's big. It's perfect for me Yours is great You've got a huge pussy That is the worst

That's like a guy When you hear that Your dick is perfect for my pussy You should be like awesome Nailed it But in our heads I'm, I want to be destroying your pussy. I want it to be ten times too big for your pussy. I want the sex to be horrible for you.

I want you to leave. I want you to be upset and end this relationship. Idiot. I love when girls are like, no. Once again, my dick is too big. Sorry, lady. You want nothing. I heard that argument before. People being like, no, if your dick is so big. Sorry, lady. One nothing. I've heard that argument before.

People being like, no, if your dick's so big. It's just me like. It's going to get hard. We'll have sex in the morning. And also, I'm not nice. You sound like I have a redeeming personality. I'm arrogant. I love the –

I'm terrible, Seth. You really are. Pretty funny. The whole package. Pretty funny. Did you see the other dick in White Lotus at the end? So there's another dick where they keep talking about the dick the whole time. Like, I got this guy.

He's well hung. He's like an Italian fellow. And then I see the whole time. Like, I got this guy. He's well hung. He's like, he's an Italian fellow. And then I see him on screen. He's got a great dick. But it's not huge. And I'm at home like, dork. I'm like, that's nothing. What is that, six and a half?

That ain't shit, man. I'll legitimately get mad at fucking porn stars. You're filming that dick? Yeah. That's worth being a professional who's the casting director here yeah let me get him on the phone yeah i mean you're a fucking hog yeah but did you hear about the white lotus it was like uh i guess they filmed this hotel in italy that used to be a um convent oh very very strongly considered that sweet it is it is haunted like everyone knows it's haunted so

aubrey plaza told like she just played a prank on the whole cast where she was like putting like smoke machines in their rooms and having like things at the base of their bed at night and what a prank she did it to herself too so people wouldn't think it was her and she's like slaps and then like the headlines like a, Aubrey Plaza mentally tortured her whole cast. And it was like, even one of the cast members, the young kid, the one who plays Monsanti's kid. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I'll be honest. I lost the grip between reality and fiction because of that.

Actors couldn't be. I was going to say that. You're so fucking bad. And to be fair, I was only reading quotes. So maybe that's how I'm just reading it in my head because I've seen his character. He better be laughing very hard about that. You fucking loser.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The whole issue was that Ari Plaza is this torturous cast member who is awful. She is a witch. She is the best. She's awesome. Yeah, I like her. Yeah.

God, I wish I didn't like her. We interviewed her. I don't know what it is. And these two hit it off big time. You and Aubrey. She would, didn't she like ask for your fucking like info or something? She was asking, she's like my age, my relationship status. And I'm sitting there, I was just like, I'm going to check out of this one.

You guys go do your thing. She was, and then I think at the end she said something like, like my sister's single or something. I was like, I don't care not your sister at all, dude. There's no sister. There's no sister. There's no sister. You should have.

I'm having a good time. Yeah. Good, man. I woke up a little hungover, and this is nice. What did you do last night? I had a show. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What were you about to do? At the stand. Brought the Philly guys in. It was rainy, butter show. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What were you about to do? I hit the stand. Brought the Philly guys in. It was rainy, butterly. Dude, Philly is killing it. It was great. Are you Philly also? Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, between all you guys, it's like. The godfather. The godfather. Let me get a penis. Spit take. A legit penis. guys we have fun sometimes i would say uh the philly crew is like if you had to you had to put together like fucking teams of comedy guys philly would be like hands down running away right now yeah we're having a we're doing it um we got a

bunch of antonio browns just a bunch of dudes with head we got a lot of guys that this thing's gonna explode there's already some speed wobbles there's like 70 of our crew at cta yeah for sure it is and i can speak from experience on this it is good to build around a company around a bunch of people with mental illness. It will blow up. Four shots. It will blow up, and along the way, it'll be super rocky, but it'll be very funny and good. Yeah, he put out good stuff.

I mean, that's a fine line between it all, right? The best city ever is Boston, though. From comedy, right? Yeah. Very strangely, right? It's fucking crazy. Like a lot of the old G-Dolls. But there's just not comedy there now.

It's like they all leave. They just did Laugh Boss. Laugh Boss just opened up. You still leave Boston. You just stay there, you know? Well, they had like a stand-up boom, right? Yeah, they had. They had stand-ups.

Yeah, right. And it was, but like there's no like cellar there. There's no place like I can go check out comedy on a Tuesday night. It is just like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, a stand-up will come into town and do a set. But there's not like – But there are those places. It's just they're – I don't know. Fuck it.

I'd never – I'm sure they exist. I'm starting this. I'm like, you want to talk about comedy? People love that shit though because, I mean, it's been – I mean, I feel like people, like, discovered comedy. A lot of people, like, in the last couple years, you know. And it's, like, the new, you guys, you're a fucking superstar now. Shut up.

You get fucked up? Go get fucked up and watch Bernie Mac. On YouTube, watch Bernie Mac. I heard your episode. I told you about that. He's just, like, flawless. You won't believe how good it is. I think I might have said this on here,

but the first time I ever hung out with Louie, we got lunch, it was great, and then we went back to his office and we just sat down together and we were showing each other our favorite comedy clips. We went back and forth with YouTube and you're like,

here's the best clip. That's like talking ball. It was incredible. It was one of the best days of my life. But the first clip he showed was milk and cookies by bernie mack and it's for real the greatest you watch it you're like holy shit yeah those guys were fucking everything he's fire yeah just the way he talks is it's perfect for comedy is that your number one that's also such a like a good point that like you can write the jokes and be fucking hilarious, but that whole,

you can say anything in that voice. And then he talks the way you speak. He's like, it begins with his brother walking out of court when they were taking custody of their sister's kids. And he's like,

let me tell you something. You know, Cain killed Abel. It's so fucking funny. I'm sure he's got a purple suit on. It's incredible. He's got a hanky in his hand. The whole persona is unbelievable. What do you think?

I think the news by Norm Macdonald, that bit, that's up there. You mean like best? Greatest bits. Helicopter with bill burr the way he's walking the way he does the helicopter like the noise and the voices he doesn't he doesn't act out from both perspectives yeah what do you guys think the best kind of i suck i'm sorry he does the when he i like my friend for some reason kill me so much but he had the mic away from his voice. And it sounds.

Hey, what are you doing over there? Yeah. Sir, sir. That is so smart, yeah. That is one of those bits where it's like. Put your seatbelt on, sir. Now, if you look over here, you'll say, sir, sir. I think you can, like, people appreciated that where you don't have to be, like, a gay in comedy like you are to notice how that's a next level of money.

Yeah, thank you. It is Omaha steak season. Omaha, Omaha, Omaha. Dude, if you don't have Omaha, you are losing money. That's just a fact of the matter. My fridge currently, right now. I'm sorry, my fridge, my freezer. I keep them frozen. My freezer. You want to know why I keep them frozen? It's because I can the matter. My fridge currently, right now, I'm sorry, my fridge, my freezer, I keep them frozen.

My freezer, you want to know why I keep them frozen? It's because I can't eat them all. There's too much food, and I got to preserve it. That's what freezing does. The holidays are here. Achieve gift-giving greatness when you give the gift of a perfectly aged, tender, and delicious Omaha steak. I don't know if you've ever had the bacon-wrapped fillets, but they will knock your socks clean off, friend. The steak experts at Omaha Steak

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Minimum order may be required. You're going to get so much meat. You're going to get all the meat. You're going to get so much meat and you're going to want it all. It is delectable. It is so affordable. It's just the best. Well, like a couple months ago you were doing the Patagonia shirt.

Yeah. Are we now doing like Drake jumpsuits on stage? No, no, no. I swore I would never wear this in public. But again, I woke up with it. You did that with your price. I think I woke up a little buzz. You did it with your Phillies jersey too.

Yes. You need to just let it come out, man. You've looked good in both. Yeah. I'm telling you, you're to you need to just try so but here's the deal did you come out man? You've looked good in both. Yeah, and you're like you're in your own head You're like like oh do you do I the commas you were like you were like can I even wear this too? I think it was This is but one of our gots you guys have been a part of both of my experimental You're not putting on Like a fucking dress dude We're talking about a jersey And a zip up Like rain jacket Baseball jersey was big for me

I needed that That was a big step Yeah That was a big step Yeah that was big for me You sat around You're like can I wear this Yes you can wear it

It looks nice Yeah that was big Was it a Harper jersey Yes Now I got It was Schwarber and Harper Schwarber's the fucking Schwarber's the fucking

I'm so mad They got They got fucking What's his name Trey Turner? Yeah. Phillies might be the best, dude. Definitely, dude.

The Mets suck so bad. No, they don't, you fucking. And I know. He baits me every fucking time. It's so annoying. And then when the Mets win, I might do baseball. I'm so gay. I'm like, dude, who gives a fuck about baseball?

I can't believe you're in the Mets. This year I'm at the World Series. Yeah. Oh, that drove me crazy. The Mets beat the fucking shit out of the Phillies all year long. Not a peep from Gillis. And then at the World Series, he's like front row with like nine. Baseball's the best.

Dude, it was. Baseball sucks. When we went to. Unless the Phillies are in the World Series. When we went to that Eagles game. The birds are like what? Still 9-1 or 11-1? 11-1, yeah.

Jesus. We went to the Eagles game and like McClusker was killing me. McClusker's brother was killing me. Because he was Billy. I've never met him yet, but he sounds like a fucking. He is the funniest fucking guy. He's so fucking funny. And I was like, I feel bad being here.

I don't really know many players on this team. And Billy's dressed like he just came out of the... He did. Yeah, right, right. He just got done driving a trash truck. Just got done driving a trash truck. And he looked the part. And I was like, are they going to be good this year?

He goes, dude, I can name like two, three players on this team. If you can name more guys than that, you're gay. Sports are gay. The next level when he's like, this shit, these guys are fucking gay for liking sports. That's a whole new level. He makes me very happy.

When we were at that game, I was like, dude, just scream as loud as you can. Did you ever tell him the miles miles to her thing no at the fall dude don't we were we were at the Phillies game miles tell her keep my miles teller was there yeah and he kept being like yo miles tellers there and then like who's really no leave six kept being like dude miles tellers here he like couldn't get over it he didn't stop looking

at him yo miles four hours four hours it was a baseball game yeah six also started being like like when he would look over he can't see you he's not looking at you so at one point uh shane was like what if i just got fucking trash and i was like Guys, what if that's a prank? Get fucking blacked out at this game. Just a joke. And he's like, what if I'm like, Miles? And he went to pretend to scream. He did an act out of screaming his name. And right at that moment, the crowd got silent.

So Shane's like, Miles! I was going, Miles! With a salute. And he looked back and was like, what the fuck? And then he got a picture with him. I stood there and waited when I saw that picture I thought that was probably more like we went no no no no no it was more of while we were taking the picture he was like how do I know you mm-hmm that's fucking

awesome dude keep doing what you're doing. You look at that. You look at that. Yeah, that's the jersey. You look great in the jersey. You guys did this. Yes, let's go. You guys are a part of this. I would have never been wearing this jersey.

That's hilarious. How do I know you? Keep doing what you're doing. How do I know you? I love that. I would say that back to Miles. You keep doing what you're doing, too, bro. Yeah, yeah.

Do Top Gun 2 with me. Miles Toto is the fucking man, dude. Yeah, he is awesome. Obviously, that guy rules. Dude, totally. Totally and completely. And his girl's a fucking rocket. And he doesn't like...

As far as I know... He's got a hot girlfriend? Wife now. But just a... I like that. I'm happy Miles settled down. I'm sure he... Look at her.

She's gorgeous, bro. I love celebrities Getting married She is Dude you know You know when Miles Looked his hottest A lot of people think Top Gun

It's not It's that boxing movie He did The one where he plays The guy from Rhode Island Yes Yeah my friend's mom Dated that guy

Really Yeah I forget The boxer Yeah I think it's a rock Yeah dude By the way That movie fucking rules That movie's sick.

Nobody gives a credit. That movie rules. He breaks his back twice. Yeah, he gets in a fucking horrific car accident. He plays that Spanish boxer, right? No, he's from Rhode Island. Yeah, yeah, but I'm... The Pazmanian?

The Pazmanian. He's Italian or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy, he reached out to me when that movie was coming out and was like. Has maybe been devil? Yeah, and was kind of like, you know, do you want to do, like, press around it? And I was kind of like. Oh, yeah.

With my house. I'm just going to bring Miles along. Yeah, dude, that's not you. When he's got his fucking halo on. Yeah. And he's still training. Yes. It's fucking nuts, dude. Yeah, gangster.

Fucking gangster. That's a bit of a stretch, huh? Yeah. It's all right. It's fine. I gave Miles Teller and Speedo for the weigh-in. That was so hot, dude. You guys can find it.

I forgot we're not on that gay podcast. Is there anything? Well, you'd be surprised. That neck brace, is there anything funnier than that neck brace? Who do we see in the neck brace? That was so funny. Who do we see in the neck brace, is there anything funnier than that neck brace? Who do we see right now in the neck brace? Who do we see in the neck brace when we're scrolling through the pictures? It was a reality TV guy, and then all of a sudden he's like, bam, neck brace. Oh, maybe it might have been the episode you missed.

The halo is very, Jackie, who was in the halo? Was that you on the episode? Do you guys remember this? Who was that? Is that still going on? People still do it? We were like scrolling through some guy's pictures, and then all of a sudden this one popped it's fucking hilarious yeah you because you said he was hot john said that i cannot catch a break no she didn't do it

turns out she didn't do it yeah you watched me so did yeah yeah yeah and then all of a sudden we just see this john john said that guy was hot. I said he's aging well. Put a picture up from him from the documentary. He cleaned it up for the documentary. He's a handsome older man. I would absolutely kill myself if I was this guy. If you're in that fucking thing, you're guilty, dude. If you're wearing that, everything she said about you is true.

Dude, that documentary, it starts off with Casey going, I lie about everything. I lie about everything. So then why are you going to fucking believe anything she says in the documentary? Because she's being honest. Give her a fucking break, guys. I need to believe someone. Guys.

I need one moment of honesty. Yes. All right, I'll believe that. See, I don't think. I watched the first episode and I need one moment of honesty. Guys. I'll believe him. I don't think. I watched the first episode. I was like, Jesus Christ. She is such a fucking murderer. No, that's the thing.

She didn't. She didn't. She didn't. Her dad. I got to watch the next two episodes. Now cut to the shot. Wait. So why do you think the dad did it?

She says that she was serious. I wasn't watch it either. Just a hunch. I'm just saying my dad raped me. I'm just really pulling for Casey. She said my dad raped me, and he killed my daughter, and I didn't know how to react because he had a control over me. So I just didn't talk about it for 31 days and let the baby die

and never talked. Get the fuck up. It's kind of a baby. You're a baby murderer. I'm sorry. I believe women. Well, that's what she's doing. Sorry.

I believe her. There's a whole generation of people who are old enough to know the case. We're just like, oh, this woman went through trauma. And like now and everyone, you know, like shunned her. It's like, well, she murdered a fucking baby. How about that? You assholes. Yes.

It was wild. Now this is like Kanye making Alex Jones. We're having a good time. Everybody's crazy. The podcast is lit. Everybody knows KC Anthony did not kill her baby. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that.

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powered by Curve card is powered by Hatch Bank. Terms and conditions apply. What about your boy Rogan getting mixed up with Conor McGregor? You see that? No. They're in a basically like a who does more steroids fight

because he goes. So McGregor took himself out of the USADA testing because he's doing steroids and basically trying to rehab his leg. Right. So they took him out. I'm thinking about doing steroids now. So Joe goes, he's

like, look at him. He shaved his beard, put on like 40 pounds of muscle. He looks like a juice head. And he goes, his piss would burn right through the bottom of a USADA cup right now. And then McGregor chert back that Joe's piss would burn through his pants. And it's like, yeah, these guys just both are doing steroids. But McGregor called out Rogan. He goes, you've been with the company for how many years and you never took a fight? Well, that's like, well, he's the fucking announcer.

He's an announcer. Can't really, you know, he's 50. First of all, he doesn't have to fight. Right. He's the fucking announcer. He does the announcing. That doesn't really work, dude. Yeah, I mean, he's like the face of UFC.

McGregor's having a wild time, dude. And he is funny. He is funny. I think he also. McGregor is hilarious. Have you seen the shots of him? He does look like he's on steroids. He has like fucking wings now.

He always kind of had them, but now he doesn't. He also has a white lotus penis. It's fake. His dick is always poking out. It's so funny, dude. What is that? He's like a weird boner at weigh-ins. It's always his dick.

I would do that, right? If you had weigh-ins, right? You'd chop it up a little bit. Oh, yeah. Give it a helicopter Oh shit too hard Too hard Oh shit

Oh shit I mean the underwear Is one thing Your dick Hopefully pops out Of your underwear You know But every

Like even his Tracks and shit Not every pair His dick is always out I got a couple pairs If I know I'm going To see a lady I'm like

I'm going to wear these ones When we put on those ski Those ski Outfits what are those called? Like the ski ones and things? Yeah, the spider ski outfits. We did the toboggan championships in Maine many, many, many years ago. And it's those stretchy one-piece zip-ups. And I was like, oh, man, I don't know.

It's going to be weird. My dick's bulging out. And I was like, you know what's weirder? When you put it on and your dick doesn't bulge out. And it was just like a, it looked like I had a fucking pussy. God damn it. I remember being in the fucking locker room sophomore year playing football. And this was like the height of Under Armour where everyone was wearing Under Armour unnecessarily.

And it's like November New England football. And I'm like in fucking like triple cold gear and all this and I start bending down to put on my like cold gear pants and my buddy hits me and he's like hey hey look over there stupid when you're like Playing sports and shit too I mean when you're really working Your dick is like As small as can be right

Yes This is pre-practice This is pre-practice Post-practice Smallest penis possible Yeah It's like in you know You can never be judged

For your post-practice penis Although a lot of guys judge me Well did you guys Like after a football I feel like Like after practice Everyone was just Clearly playing with their dicks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before they got in the shower. Dude, the whole, every shower was like, people only had one hand to wash their hair because their other hand was just going down. Constantly keeping it at three and a half inches at all times. Like, just maintaining a choke. Hoping the governor doesn't pop off.

If post-practice is your worst dick, what's your best dick? When's best dick? Yeah. I like a little semi in the morning. That's exactly what I was going to say, bro. But also you can be too hard. And then I stand in front of my bed and go to my girlfriend. I'm like, huh?

Pretty good. You're lucky. But the semi in the morning is great. We'll have sex in the morning. But when you wake up like full hard, full hard. To the point where it hurts. The hardest I've ever been in my life is always pre-9 a.m. And I'll be like, and my girlfriend will just be like, hey.

Huh? Stop elbowing me. It's not my elbow. She's like, I don't know. I'm like, hey. Yeah. It's almost like, hey, now or never. This is the best It's not my elbow. She's like, I'm just – She's like, I don't know. I'm like, hey. Yeah. It's almost like, hey, now or never. Like, this is the best it's going to be.

You're trying to draw their attention to it. I don't know, man. Maybe this is – It's like a – What? That's it. It's tough to come with a morning boner like that. Yep.

It's hard to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's good, too, though, you know? No, I like to come as fast as possible. I noticed that gravity works against me. This is my theory. Hold on, Isaac Newton. If I'm laying on my back, the minute I roll to my side, I think my dick fills up with blood.

So you're saying if you're on your back, you need to suck it in. Blood can work against gravity. I think my dick fills up with blood. So you're saying if you're on your back, I don't think soft dick can work against gravity. I think my dick... You get soft dick when you're on the bottom. This is not like during sex. It's like I wake up in the morning and the second I roll over, boom, my dick gets hard.

It's wild. That's mental. It sounds like an old husband's wild. And the only thing I was thinking is like, I don't know. That's mental. It sounds like an old husband's tale. You just got to roll on your side, kid. Then you think it's going to get hard. I don't know what the reasoning is, but that is every single time. It does just turn it on. It's too hard.

Old husband's tale made me think of the Gillian Keys. He's my doctor. He's a good doctor. I'm like, dude, he's my doctor. He's a good doctor. I bet you a couple stones. We tried to film a scene that we couldn't because he's so funny. And it was just a close-up of him like, I bet you a couple stones you can't catch a frog.

Yeah, I had a head injury. I'm fucking this up. I'm fucking this up. But he reminded me of it when he said that I'm gay, I suck, I suck, I suck You hate being what? Dude, it's the craziest thing He doesn't like being in the sketches

I kind of get that It's the worst He's the best That's the hardest part So you write them and then I start laughing and then I blow it And I'm like, I'm just going to cut myself out because I'm editing it. Right, right.

So like half the time I'm in stuff, I'm like, well, I'm just going to select all, move to trash. I don't have to worry about that, you know. That would be tough editing yourself. Because you have to watch it over and over again. You are fat, stupid, unfunny. We get it. This is obviously nowhere near to that extent. But like we get it here when I can just overhear them editing stuff.

And I'm like, get me the fuck out of here. I don't want to hear myself. You just seem so unlikable. Why does anybody ever want to laugh? My laugh is annoying. My voice is annoying. My opinions suck. I hate this.

Get me the fuck out of here. Yeah, opinions suck is a tough one to really come to grips with, which I've come to grips with. It was so hard for me to be like, damn'm dumb and i don't know anything and i keep talking no i think you're i think you're good like uh like rogan has it too where it's like all you need to do is be like one sentence more informed than the than the person you're talking to like you you say something about history that you know and it's like all right that right, that guy's smart. I don't know. He knows what he's talking about.

He knows the date of the war. And then they know it, and you're like, shh. Isaac Newton was all I had on gravity. Goddamn. That's my gravity mouse. Isaac Newton. Yeah, take it easy, Isaac Newton. How do you like them apples?

You guys have had him on here? Yeah, you guys have had stuff on him. They love stuff on him. Oh yeah, those guys are fucking great. The Ocon man. Tommy Pope came in here last time and he got loose. I don't know if we told the whole story but he basically ruined some guy's life. It was like his boss

at his old job was sober and he pulled him out for one night of partying and he like pulled him out of like for one night of partying and he like the hooker and then like I think ended up like six months later got divorced it was like and let go and let go yeah he got fired

and got divorced like six months after he after Tommy basically convinced him to but it started like that day and so then he saw him you know like later and was like hey man it was funny to see Tommy justify it and be like I mean he was he was already on that path I desperately want to do like a sock puppet thing of stuff I won't just take like an auto and just to like a yellow it's white sock. It's Bert and Ernie. Tommy's got a voice that is just like... It's so much energy.

It's so energetic. He's fucking Dagos. Dagos, Dagos. These WAP Dagos. Dagos WAPs. WAP Dagos. It's actually a perfect Tommy. He's the sign.

He's the roofing sign, right? Yes. Yes. I don't even know why I asked the question because he's got such a discernible voice. Like, all right, that's Tommy. Yeah. It is very, very honest. That's a great sketch.

Tommy used to, Tommy, we used to like sit in a restaurant together. Tommy's like. And I'd be like. So crazy. And I'd be like, what's wrong? You know something's coming. And he's like, look at this fucking bitch. And I'd be like, what?

And he'd be like, look at this fucking bitch. It's like be like, what? And he'd be like, look at this fucking bitch. It's like a perfectly normal person. And I would look over and it would just be this Asian woman like. Yeah. Like waiting for her train. Fucking Mongolian. And I'm like, what's wrong? He's like, she keeps fucking looking at me.

It's like, because you keep going. It's like, dude, You're an attractive guy That keeps staring at her Like look at this Look at this Look at this I love him I love him to death

I'd kill for him He gets deep too He's so funny He was talking Something on One of the recent episodes I was listening Where he's like

You know Philosophizing And talking about You know like Emotions and mental shit. And then two seconds later, he's like, he's a fucking bagel. Whatever, man. Yeah, we'll break out of it. We all do that.

All of us are like, never mind. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And you can see it happening. You're like, he's going to turn soon. He's going to turn soon. Hey, turn. You know it's going to happen. That's how our group of friends are. One of us starts to be honest And like deep And we're like

Shut up Shut up dude Let's get it So you You Aren't in any of the skits really? Like bit roles? Not really

Not even I'm trying to think Which is Preposterous Who's driving the scooter On the first one? Me Yeah

You're in that one right? That's just because I wanted to drive the scooter Yeah You wanted to drive the scooter The way you me yeah that's just cuz I wanted to drive this the way you like snuggle off to him I know you stick my legs straight out I actually thought it was the perfect size I was like this is a nice motor so how do you you guys collaborate on writing them are you like mostly writing all of it or what yeah we come up with the ideas together and then we just like break out write the script and then he writes them like right now we were thinking about doing a couple soon but i don't

know if we're gonna next week yeah it's down to the wire but we still good you guys uh it's just like hey we should do it throughout the day pop into your head or do you like have like writer sessions yeah no it's more like texting text here's should do it. Do you have a text throughout the day pop into your head, or do you have writer sessions? No, it's more like text. Here's an idea. Call each other. Be like, this is what would be funny. You can usually tell if you start texting, and then you have an idea, and then he adds to it,

and then I add to it. It's kind of like if you cut something and it bleeds, it's like, all right, we got something good. And if you cut something that's nothing, then you're like, ah. Yeah, so it's a bad feeling when you're like i got an idea that's what i said and you're like i think you gotta do so many skits that you're okay to yeah yeah but once you have a bunch of bangers i feel like it's it's easier to be like all right that one didn't work whatever in the beginning if something didn't work i'd be like i'm terrible at this this is that wasn't funny yeah i'm, I like this Toyota was the first one we made right?

Yeah, we wrote that via text. Yeah, I hope it was really just text and a phone call me driving from Philly to New York I was talking on the phone. Yeah, yeah Yeah, we're like this is a dumb idea and then we're like this gonna be fun. Yeah. Yeah, I mean most of the best ideas are done. That's why yeah, that's my favorite one I like the plane one was good the plane one I like the plane I was thinking that that was yes dude how good was Matt just the whole time just With Matt doing the The training Yeah yeah Matt dude How good was Matt Just the whole time Just like chewing his gum

Or whatever he was doing So fucking good Like yuck Yeah The plane one What do you You rent a fucking Like plane cargo thing

We had to fly to California To shoot it Shut up That's crazy Really Yeah There's no like set In New York

That has a plane No set in New York No way Yeah A plane And then all the extras Yeah we had to get extras Really? Yeah. There's no like set in New York that has a plane? No set in New York. No way. Yeah. A plane, yeah. And then all the extras. Yeah, we had to get extras for like $50 a day. So like, if you can imagine.

How many days for that? One day. Okay, yeah. So everything's in one day. But like the extras in California that you can get for $50 a day, it's like, it's pretty brutal. They're all looking directly at the camera. Every shot. Every shot. Yeah. And you'll be like'll be like all right just you're trying to be nice like all right just next take everybody you know don't look at the camera and then one dude the one of the dude in the back with

a neck pillow kept being like yeah yeah i got it and like right down the back the black dude was so good he was great i guess he was funny the black dude was so good. He was great. Not the black guy, because he was funny. The black dude was so good. I think he was wearing one, too. We had to move the guy who kept looking at the camera. And it's all like, riff something real quick. Just whatever. Riff, go ahead.

And that dude hit that one, and it was like, yes. Fucking hilarious. That must be like, when an extra gets in a role like that, that must be like, all right, this is my moment. Like, I am going to steal this scene.

I'm going to look down the barrel of the camera. It's time to go. People are going to remember me. I was so mad. That's what the job is. I was so mad. Were you? I get so mad.

Are you like a Tom Cruise type shit? No, no, no. You and I are Christian Bale? I don't say anything, but John knows me. So he knows I'm furious. Because when stuff doesn't make sense to Shane, he gets mad. Right? I'm also a child. So it's like he gets mad yeah I'm

also a child yeah so it's like yeah like when you're like don't look at the camera they do Shane's yeah well that that's justified that is as basic as it fucking but then like right before they're like alright right before they're like alright sound we're doing somebody will make a joke and people be like like an extra will be like what about this and it's like they start being like what if I said this yeah And it's like, say it. I'm just going to cut it out. Yeah.

John's good at that. John's very good at, no, no, no, do it. Wouldn't it be funny if I said this? And it's like, you know what it would? Embarrass yourself in front of 50 people on this fake plane. I would love to see you do that right now. On this fake plane. Because people think it's so easy.

They think like, I can do it. Shane's doing it. Right. But you do make it look easy. And it's not, though. It's so easy. You think, like, I can do what Shane's doing. Right. You do make it look easy, and it's not, though. It's really not. Yeah. I feel like people have a lot of those thoughts sometimes,

like a funny premise or a funny line, but to make it come together the way you guys do is not fucking easy. It's him and Gerben together. Gerben's. Which one's Gerben? Gerben's the weird one. You know him. The goosebumps.

Yeah, okay. Is that improvised and shit? Gervin also plays Gervin. That feels very... Dude, when we filmed the king sketch, or the king and the dynamic, Gervin made me so mad when Gervin was bullying me.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, dude, this is not going to work. Like, it became personal. He's like, dude, this is not going to work. Like, it became personal. He's like, well, you big fat piece of shit. And Shane's like, can we cut? Can we cut? The script seems off. Seems a little off to me.

He played Gerbils, too, right? Yes. Yeah. This guy wants a holocaust. Oh, God. I need the holocaust. I need it. And the idea from the jump,

are you guys always going to put it by the season, behind the paywall, you buy it all in one shot? Yeah. Yeah. Is that? Just for this one. I think we're done for a while. And if we make any more, they'll probably be free.

Yeah. I mean, you can go one of. And if we make any more, they'll probably be free. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can go one of two ways with that kind of shit. Yeah. Because the thing was, I was making money. Everyone else wasn't. Because I went and did a tour and did stand-up. So I was profiting from people seeing it for free. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

That's not cool. Well. Mamita. That's not really true. You yeah but I mean sure but what you're saying is the publicity helped you help me yeah I think we're like I just think like it was a fun thing to do in the meantime like I would like to make like sure movies or show yeah yeah yeah so do you think like there when you say you're done for a while you mean cuz you me focus gonna show like that yeah just cuz it's

it's a lot of work for like you're basically making a bunch of little movies yeah and then if one of them starts to not work you're like well we're already shooting it yeah yeah oh my god there's one the fucking my new mommy yeah we never really never really it was so goddamn bad dude we release it cuz it's that bad where you like in premise is it is it you really think it's that bad it's that bad it's like we watch it's bad it's that it's creepy yeah so the idea is like Shane is a is an incel and it's a game show like an old-fashioned like dating show and it's uh he's trying to find his new mommy and it's like my new mommy sounds great and that's why we filmed it and we shot it on like a sound stage like we

spent a ton of money on it we built a fucking because like it's a dating show it's like a right there's a wall between me yeah you got like the podium and the stairs and shit and there's funny moments but it was like it was just that we didn't have why is your mom dead or something in this kid no it's just it's never even you know what it looks like it looked like a david like a david lynch dude it was creepy and tommy's the game show host and he's like hey like he's so good at that and it's very off-putting the whole thing don't you think that people the whole thing's weird if you talk about it like this though people will want to see it almost just through the lens of like how fucking was it really that creepy like they won't judge you on how funny it is they'll be like wow you guys are right that was i would

be very interested to see how creepy it gets it's just you should see the it's like if you watch a game show it's really bright yeah and like they're the only way to do that is to spend a ton of money on lights yeah so we didn't so it looks like kind of dark and it's like kind of spotlighty and it's like a wide lens so it's like kind of it's great it's like really crazy and what do you how do you find like what are you asking your girls the girls to be your mom oh that's the other thing

like how do you cook and like tuck me in what type of dinner will you make me when I'm playing video games and then they like slide it through a thing that was a funny moment

yeah you have to judge it Rosebud Rosebud's great yeah this one girl leans over yeah

give the people what they want nevermind I'm gonna say it yeah Rosebud? Rosebud's great. This one girl leans over. Give the people what they want. Never mind. I'm going to say it. Rosebud. Never mind. You say it then. No, Rosebud. She's hot.

Yeah. When she slid her food through the tray to me, I was staring at her. Catch a glimpse. Whatever. I should have not said that. No. Like, when she slid her food through the tray to me, I was like, staring at her. Catch a glimpse. Yeah, whatever. I should have not said that. No, it's... Bro, you are so in your own head about everything. I don't want to go on.

Well... Fuck it. Yeah. Fuck it. With everything, though. Yeah. Fuck it. Futterberg, what's going on with you?

How are you doing, dude? You're sobering up. Huh? You seem sober. I'm sober right now, yeah. Well, for the moment. You look good. Your face, you look good. Yeah? You seem sober. I'm sober right now, yeah. Well, for the moment. You look good. Your face, you look good.

Yeah? You've been taking it easy? No, not really. I was bummed out when I heard you were taking it easy. That was like a year and a half ago. Has it been that long? I thought about it pretty consistently. I think it's been two years.

All right, good. So you're done taking it easy. Yeah, yeah. He's back. He's back. It's good to have you. We've got to give a little talk In like 45 minutes You guys have to give a talk?

We're like To who? To the year end company meeting We have to speak at Can me and John go to the company meeting? You can absolutely You guys should come You guys should do

I think you should give them more money Definitely do that You should be fired You should come and watch And then do a skit about that Because these kind of things I am very excited to see how it goes It's like you know

Dave talks She talks And we have to talk about Oh this is going to be like A real fucking meeting I think so It's like our end of year Like all hands

Everyone meeting Like everybody sits around You guys are like dude Imagine if we were Wolf of Wall Street But the thing is We usually get completely Left out of these.

And now, not only are we in it, we have to speak in it. And every time we get left out, we're like, fuck this company. They don't even fucking... And now I'm like, fuck, can we just get left out again? I like to say... I would be an offer, but I don't want to... We get left out, I'm like, that's cool. I don't really care.

It's like I know I'm supposed to be offended but I'm also like Yeah, and then when they do invite you it's like okay, so I guess you just have to give like a fucking speech I mean we've literally written nothing. How do you guys Ladies and gentlemen I love this company. Have you seen that video of those? The Microsoft guys dancing? Yeah, yeah. That's going to be you guys. Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Palmer. Get on your feet. Have you seen the finance bros? Pabs, you know that video, right?

The finance guys who are like, I am a fucking salesman. Can you pull that up? Do you know what that is? Bring up the Microsoft guys. They are. They're just like some. They're kind of like boiler room guys, but instead of traders, they're salesmen. And they're like, I am the fucking. Are they serious?

Yeah. Oh. But I think they know that they're being ridiculous, but they also are kind of being real about it. It's going to be hard to find. But they're kind of like these juiced up fucking tight shirt. Juiced up, but skinny. Yeah. Yeah. It was so good though yeah just like like jacked up finance guys I hate that shit not ideal but yeah come in and make fun of the corner I don't think I'm gonna come I didn't know it was it I'm not gonna come don't come I'm gonna come I'm gonna come even with

Hitler Hitler Trump Hitler it's like I know you think it's hacky or whatever you don't like doing it but it's just so spot on every time. How jacked are you with the re-announcement? Don't get me wrong, brother. I was pretty pumped. At least two more years, baby. Yeah, two more years of doing it. I will say, though, it is, yeah, it gets a little tiresome. Yeah. Every once in a while you'll do a show and somebody will be in the back like,

do Trump. I'm going to. Give it a minute. It's going to be in the show. You need like a sign When you go out there Like Trump will be at the end Please don't scream it out Let me do my act

Let me do my heart I was gonna say The craft I've been working on this Dude the The one when you I don't remember if you ever Told a story on the podcast

I don't think so I don't know if you Now you have been on Since Nashville But the When you did the Kid Rock show And Kid Like you just Bob

fucking sick that was one of the cooler moments in Santa have you done the show since then have you told that you were like he just sat on the side and was just fine yeah I mean his friends were on the side and then I did my set and then he walked back on stage handed me another beer was like keep going that's the rhyming auditor another beer it was like keep going it was the rhyming auditorium so it's like a big ass theater they're all like yeah oh in my head i was like well that was kind of all i had guys what about down syndrome all right all right all right all right yeah that is stuff for a guy it's's like, dude, I already did everything. Yeah, no, I planned it.

I planned it to end right now. And then Kid Rock comes out. He's like, keep going, brother. You're killing. You're like, oh, shit. But that's also the point we got to realize. You could probably say anything at that point, and Kid Rock and that crowd was going to fucking love it.

It was very cool. Yeah. It felt good. Kid Rock's cool. How's the material for the new tour? You think that's funny? Is all. You think it's funny the way I'm talking?

You're laughing at me? Behind my back. Fuck, I shouldn't have worn sunglasses. Fuck! You're going to think about this for four days, dude. I'm starting to drink enough to sober up. I'm like, oh, I look like a fucking dickhead. I got some news earlier today that you ran into Nick on the street.

And you were leaving Fat Black Pussycat, I think. He was leaving McDougal's Ale House. No, it was the other day. And one of my buddies was like, oh, that's Shane. Why didn't you say anything to him? I was like, because I'd probably be like, I'm the producer from KFC Radio. And that'd be about it. That would have been nice.

I also figured like I was like he just finished a show he doesn't want to fucking talk to me right now yeah I also was with the guy that we brought with to Nashville that was a giant pussy behind the scenes like that when Stefan was like oh yeah every day the joke he was like yeah yeah we had a talk with him and I was like fuck up to you he was the one that was like why didn't you say anything I was like, ooh. Yeah. Yeah, we had a talk with him. And I was like, shut the fuck up, dude. He was the one that was like, why didn't you say anything? I was like, because I just would have made fun of you the whole time. But I do.

He was a good guy. I respect someone being like, that person probably doesn't want to talk. I'm just going to move on. Yeah, me too. I much prefer that than an awkward conversation. Big time. Me and Colleen had one the other day, right? It was like, was it you?

You two had one, right? We had one where, i lived out like i had it with brandon i said i know we're walking the same direction bro so let's just cut this off yeah yeah it goes all across the street i was like dude we were like 10 blocks we were like 10 blocks from the office she goes this is too close to me before the office i'll walk that way you walk this way that's a pretty grown up yeah very good understanding to me too he was like yeah man I was walking behind you the whole time I just want to say anything Thank you

Everybody should abide by that That's one of the nicest things you can do to somebody you know outside of that environment Is ignore them This is like my daily routine Where I'm only alone for these 20 minutes Let me have it But I also I do it to people If I see someone I I'm like, hey.

I'll bother someone famous. Yeah, you play it well, though. You'll bother someone famous? I'll bother someone. If I see someone, yeah. If it's someone famous, yeah. If it's like Julianne Moore, I'm like, well, I'll fuck up your afternoon. Julianne Moore?

Because I did do that. That's how I said that. I saw her in the West Village, and I definitely ruined her afternoon. I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe it's you. And she was like, what the fuck? Yeah, I live around here. Yeah. Julian Moore, do the Boston accent.

Do the Boston accent. Charles Barkley. I got Barkley at an airport. That, to me, is worth it. I had to do it. It was also like 6 a.m. What'd you say? He was just sitting by himself.

He was a good shot. And I was like, dude, I'm not asking for a picture. You're the fucking man. Yeah, he is. He's very cool. was just sitting by himself and i was like dude i'm not asking for a picture you're the fucking man yeah he is and then uh i landed and the headline on cnn was charles barkley's testing for covid it was right when covid started maybe he has it i was like holy shit i'm dying i got a uh a girl uh passed me the other day and she was like very excited she was just like like oh my god, I'm just going to say like I love you. You guys have girls. Yeah, it's kind of weird, right?

Girls like you guys. And she was just like I just got to say you know like whatever, I like your shit. And so we're like kind of passing each other and I said like thank you so much and I go do you want a picture? And she said no and I wanted to fucking jump into traffic. I was like, I thought I would.

She was excited enough that I was like, this seems like a big fan. So I was like, do you want to take a picture? And she was like, no. And did it as we kept walking. She was like, no, I'm good. And I was like, oh, I'm fucking killing me. You guys were passing. You're like, yeah, I'll put my arm around you.

No, thank you. We had a bunch of awkward meet and greet pictures, too. Like, we'll have a couple that comes and everyone's taking pictures. And I'll be like, do you want to jump in, too, like with them? And the girlfriend would be like, no, I'm good. Couldn't you have just done it? And then rather than fucking now, I feel like a dickhead. Always that. You know, it's like, just take the picture and you can cut it out if you want or not post it or whatever.

But now I feel like a total dickhead that you can't even stand next to me for three seconds. Every dude that asks me for a picture goes, dude, I'm not fucking gay. I know this is fucking gay. I'm like, dude, it's not gay. It's taking a picture with someone. You're okay. You're not sucking my dick or anything, man. It's okay.

Yeah, I know. There's so many disclaimers. I know you guys hate this, but you know what I really hate, though? We had to do a couple FaceTimes. me crazy face time yeah no like when a friend couldn't make it can you give me face time I'm like yeah oh yeah I'll yell nonsense into a phone when I won't hear the replies and I'll try and reply a little bit yeah you got it's gotta be nice to be at the point where you can't yeah no it's so crazy you're You're at the point now where you just sell too many tickets. You can't talk to all of them, you know?

Dude, you want to hear a Barkley story that's funny? So our friend Luke, who used to work for Fallon, this is Luke's story. But he met Barkley when he was a kid at Wawa in Philly with his grandma. And it was kind of like a big moment for them. And they made a big deal about it. And Barkley was really nice to them and then anyways years later Luke's writing for Falm and Barkley comes on and he goes in the green room he's like I know this is weird but like years ago I met you with my grandmom and my brother and it was just an amazing moment and Barkley was like

oh my god in Philly and he was like yeah andley was like, oh, my God. In Philly? And he was like, yeah. And he was like, wait, did your grandma have, like, the short white hair? And he was like, yeah. And he was like, like every other fucking grandma, I don't fucking know you. But, like, let him, like, build up the story. And then he got so excited. Oh, my God. I left an impression on Chuck.

And it's like, dude, what a final dunk from Barkley. It's so fucking funny. I swear to God, last night I was watching NBA, the show Highlights. It's the funniest shit ever. Those guys, I mean, they basically kind of do, but if they had a podcast, forget about it. It is a podcast. That's what I said last night. I was watching and I was like, it's funny that the best show in the world is just a podcast.

And they're so fucking funny, dude. When they get Barkley going on Fat Women in San Antonio and they're so fucking funny dude when they get barkley going on fat women in san antonio yeah it's so fucking funny i mean they're down there eating them churros yeah he loves that's how they are jack's like dude how do they how do they eat them dude shack eating the fucking chip yeah it doesn't get better you know the fucking hot chip challenge he's like he eats the chip, he's like, he bets Chuck $20 he won't make a face.

Yeah. He's like, I won't make a face, Chuck. He's like, tell him I'm from Turnabout. He's like,

spicy. He's like, I'm not making a face. Does anybody have milk? Did you see last night when he got bodied into the tree? Was that fake? Is that planned? Because they bodied him.

Pabst, can you bring that up? Shaq getting bodied into the tree by Kenny Allen last night. I was like, it had to be planned. But then you watch him hit him. It's a legit hit. It seems pretty solid. Kenny launched Shaq into the tree. I would not think that Kenny can launch.

Dude, the way they both get up. Yeah, I think so, man. And then he's like. Hey, I don't know. Look at those little feet sticking out. Huge feet sticking out. And his legs His little feet sticking out Or huge feet sticking out Yo absolutely It was like the Wicked Witch of the West Yeah

Or East Which everyone got crushed Those guys probably make so much money I guess they I don't remember last year But I guess they raced to the tree Or raced to the stairs Yeah

And I think Shaq won the first one So he's just dusting off going we got a series now those guys must kill it and make so much money and have so much fun just fucking around one time my dad my sister was I remember this we were laying on the ground watching TV it's a Christmas memory of mine and my dad my sister fucked up I forget what she did and my dad came in and kicked her she rolled into the tree and the tree fell on it like a kick to like the he kicked her she was sitting down we were laying on our stomachs watching TV And I don't know what happened but he kicked She rolled under the tree in the tree we were all like he was done. I'm getting over it. It's gonna take a whiz. Yeah

Finicky guy it was like a cat. Where do we start at 3? All right. Well shit we got to do we had to some voicemails because technically what's voice doing?'re going to play videos. Oh, you've done it before, right? Fire him up. Fire him up. Manscaped. In the winter, you kind of want to let it go a little bit. Want to let it go, let it grow. But you got to keep it tight at all times. Tis the season for clean balls. Fa-la-la-la-la.

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Story time. There's only one thing you need to know before we start this story is that my girlfriend was black. Anyway, so one day, I'm about to fuck her brains out, right? We're getting freaky. I'm giving her a little poke, poke. And anyway, she goes, hey, do you want to watch porn together? I go, yes, sir, absolutely. Right now, what do you want to do? This is a little bit of a dream come true for me.

Bucket list thing. So I go first because I'm a gentleman, you know. Got the casting videos. I got the little amateur videos. All normal. Fine. So it's her turn. And she turns on Reddit.

I go, you watch porn on Reddit? She goes, yeah. I go, I didn't know Reddit did that. And then she goes to her porn, and it was all interracial porn. All interracial porn. Now, if you see me, I am pretty white, and she was black. And I quickly realized I was being fetishized in my relationship. I like this guy. Anyway, so what's your weirdest thing

that a girl ever had asked you to do or wanted you to do in sex and you were like, no, thank you? All right, first of all, I thought that, I like this guy a lot. Yes, he's awesome. I thought for sure he was like Spanish or something. I would have guessed some kind of Hispanic, yes.

It's the mustache and everything else. Yeah. The voice. The delivery. This guy's awesome. He's clearly Hispanic um but the boys the delivery this guy's awesome yeah clearly hispanic but yes he was very fun yeah the when he was like i thought he was going to be surprised that his girlfriend watched interracial porn was like well no like you're you're black and well yeah that actually makes sense i would he's white and she's black and she watches interracial porn that's actually a win for yeah he's saying I was fetishized so I guess

what are you complaining about bro? it's kind of an embarrassing time when men are like I'm fetishized that's the point if she was watching black dudes that would be the concern yeah I'll tell you what though

I don't think that would be a concern but what you're about to say I'm going to agree with Is if your girl's on Reddit porn I only know one person Who uses Reddit porn I don't even know if she's a keeper She might be a

No It might be too much Well then She's either a keeper Or she's a person you should fuck Yeah yeah yeah I think it's I think the Reddit porn

Is a dangerous area he's playing Yeah but I mean Yeah if a girl pulls up Reddit porn, I am, like, impressed and a little bit scared. Yeah, if a girl does it, that's weird. I mean, it's weird if a guy does it. Yeah, right. If dudes are whacking off on Reddit, you're like, yo, that's a little intense.

But if a girl does it, you think you're down with it? If a girl does it, it's very intense. Yeah. But in a good way or a bad way? Girls should never watch porn. Girls should never watch porn. That's a nice time to come back. It's also,

it is a dangerous game if you, when you play, when it's like, hey, we're going to watch porn together. You pick. I've never watched,

we've never watched, I've never watched porn. I have also never watched porn with a girlfriend. Maybe, maybe like when I was way younger. This is all bent down. Every time I talk,

I'm like, excuse me. Ah, never mind. You're twisted tight now after you move it up. I have to all bent down. Every time I talk, I'm like, excuse me? Ah, never mind. It's twisted tight now after you move it up. I have to alter that a little bit. I have more recently watched porn with a girl. You have? But like...

What was it like? It was all right. It was... I had a girl tell me... Both parties are into it. It's a ball. Let me tell you about it. She didn't want to watch porn with me

because she's scared of what I pull up. Yeah. And I was like, well, I was going to pull up something I absolutely don't watch. Yeah. I was going to be a well, I was going to pull up something I absolutely don't watch. I was going to pull up something really benign. It's like male, girl, girl, threesome.

Okay, you know, whatever. But if you can get into it, it's the time. It's more dangerous than going over exes because you're like, wait, that's what you want and guess what but that's every time the answer is your girl wants a gangbang yeah they do love the gangbang that's the answer that's not true that's dude no way they absolutely like the gangbang

it's all choking and gangbangs every time every time every time but it is a good way to somehow approach the topic of like why is that picture up when you're – That's the guy who asked the question. We had a voicemail. He called it and asked it. Oh, okay. I just didn't know why that – If you are – What do you think that guy is?

What's his ethnicity? I don't know. New Jersey Italian? All right. I thought he was Mexican. Some sort of Hispanic. He said he's white. There's a different name for it.

The problem is he goes, I am quite white. You don't look like Wonder Bread white. You're white passing. Italian. You are different. You're not Shane Gillis white. All right, next up. KFC, fights, rest of the crew.

Is it crazy for my new brother-in-law who just married my sister back in june to ask me to split a hundred dollar gift for my dad his new father-in-law six months after he just paid for my brother-in-law and sister's entire wedding. So the new brother-in-law is asking to split a $100 gift with him. And he thinks, yo, my dad just paid for your whole wedding. Why don't you pay $100 for the gift? Which is true, but also him paying for his wedding has nothing to do with you, dude. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, that's girl stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's girl stuff, but also splitting the gift is... I think getting gifts's girl stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's girl stuff, but also splitting the gift is nuts. I think getting gifts is girl stuff. I think, bro, if you're getting gifts. For your dad, it's crazy. For your dad. I haven't gotten my dad a gift.

I'll get a friend a random. If I see something, I'm like, oh, they might like that. I'll get it for him and just give it to him. I'm not getting you a Christmas gift. I'm not just giving someone a gift. I'm not getting you a present. No, I don't fucking really care. I know people always say that's the best. When you see their reaction, it I'm not getting you a present. No, I don't fucking really care. I know people always

say like, that's the best. Like when you see their reaction is better than getting your own presents. No, it's not. I'd much rather get

my own fucking presents. I got Dan Soder a pair of fucking Denver Nugget throwback shorts. I was like, these are the sickest fucking shorts. And I don't think

he likes them. Really? What was his reaction? He was happy about it, but I think he was more than thought. Those are wearing around the house. I don't think I've ever seen Soder in shorts. Yeah, he's a shorts guy. That is a nice time.

He plays video games and wears gym shorts. In his head. Yeah, in his head. Totally. That is the nice gift. The best kind of gift you can give to is something they'd never get for themselves. It's like, hey, this is how I see you. Right.

You can pull this off. I promise. I don't know. You're a bit of a gift giver, it sounds like. I just don't like doing it. I don't like being forced to do it. I don't like having to get a birthday gift or having to get a Christmas gift. I don't mean forced by the person.

I mean forced by the idea of the holiday. The idea, right. I just like, if I'm like, oh, I think they'd like that. One time I got Fidelberg a pair of sneakers. Like, same thing. I was like, I know he likes these. I'm going to get them for him. And then he gave them away to some dude.

Some guy came up to him at our live show and was like, yo, can we switch sneakers? He was literally a stranger. Switch sneakers. A stranger. And he switched with them. And I was like, I bought those for you, dude. Dude, that's fucked up You did that

Now to be fair I wore them He's like I'd rather give Give than get them He got his use They weren't They weren't brand new sneakers It was just a crazier move

That he switched sneakers With a stranger Yeah Yeah That's fucked up I follow that kid on Twitter now He's a good retweeter Good retweeters

Are super important to follow Yeah they put a lot of good shit On the Yeah It's like oh damn all right yeah you keep your opinions yourself but it's the first time you guys have addressed this uh no no no it was just uh yeah we're good but i i also traded them for like fucking hate but also now now that uh now that i did that and that's like out there people show up to shows like

yo you want to trade shoes really like I got I guess we you know yeah we open the door I open the door speaking of shoes at shows I was in Australia and they were like do a shoeie oh yeah I didn't know they like drink doogie into the shoe what first off the shoes disgusting yeah of course but then while they're passing around like no way do it and then you're supposed to do it did you way how many people Louie'd into it first I said no and then I thought you do your own yeah honestly I would be like sorry Australia fuck that Volkanovski to evoke to evasive a

shoe II Volkanovski sit next to him just yeah you guys see it. You're going to love it. He's going to throw up. He will definitely puke. He's puking. Is he puking for real? He has a trigger, man. He pukes. The best moment of maybe my career, Steve-O was here and we made him puke talking about

whatever. Me and Steve-O were just locked in like this just having a deep conversation about the prank and Feidelberg was just locked in like this, just having like a deep conversation about the prank. And Fidelberg was just puking in the garbage bag right there. Holy shit. And I was just like, this is awesome. Fucking Steve-O.

While my man pukes over here. It was fucking sad. I didn't see this podcast when his dog came in and threw up. And I was like, yeah, this is definitely your dog. In a van? Or no? No, we were in New York. He did it with Bert in a van.

I thought, yeah. Bro. Wait, no. There's one. In a van? Or no? No, we were in New York. He did it with Bert in a van. I thought, yeah, ugh. Bro. Wait, no, there's one. It's Tui Vasa. Does he really hock in this? Because I don't. I don't loogie into it, dude. I don't think I can watch that.

Other people loogie into it. That's great. I did not know that. Now, that's a new shoe. Volkanovski's. Yeah, that's like whatever. That's easy. It's when you've got your.

I can do it on a new shoe. Yeah. It's when it's somebody else's fucking's fucking shoe And they loogie into it And it's like almost chunky with the loogie You know what I mean Oh can you imagine We uh There's a guy

Damn he's really puking That was a lot of fun He definitely pukes Yeah Oh there it is Disgusting Yeah That was a big one too

At least the people around him are like Oh that was gross I would love to know the reason for that That's fun But that was also like one loogie Tu know the reason for that. That's fun. But that was also like one Lukey. Tuivasa is the man. He is the man.

And as soon as he, if he can win, yeah, if he can win big, like he'll be a megastar. I think he's. Tuivasa? Tuivasa just got knocked out this last week. Yeah. In the first round, the first 30 seconds. Dude, he's still the man. Oh, no. Tuivasa's the man.

He's the man. Let's do one more voicemail. What's going on, guys? I know it's been a while since the queen passed away, but I've thought about this question for a while now. If the queen at any point in her life committed suicide, do you think they'd cover it up because it would be a bad look, or do you think they would tell the truth?

Thanks. That's a bizarrely specific question. If the queen killed herself, would they cover it up? I think definitely. Go for it. I think for sure. Queen can't kill herself. Queen cannot kill herself. No.

How would... Let's drink more. Let's drink more. Let's drink more. Let's drink more. The... I fucking... I don't know. I think that...

I think that... There's no way they could be like, the queen fucking blew her brains out yesterday. Why is the queen going to kill herself? I'm going to die any second. Have you seen The Crown, dude? It sucks. Being queen sucks

being queen would be the worst I get a young queen killing herself but we're talking about the most recent queen I imagine I'm gonna die at any fucking moment

that's actually the reason it's like I should be fucking dead by now let me just call it I have drastically outlived my life here see you later

I was gonna say I'm gonna go have a suicide in nine get a little fucking suicide in it damn it I'm going to go have a suicide, ain't I? A little fucking suicide, ain't it? I'm going to go blow me fucking brains out. That's the best one. For God's sake.

The Stone and Wellington skit, whatever, where you blow your brains out at the end. Can't do it. Keep it soft. Can't do it, Kimo Sabe. John's got one bit that makes me laugh every time. What's that? And it's a British kid, I think,

answering the door saying that his dad's sick and you can't talk to him. It doesn't work in this medium. It's not going to work right now and while I'm saying it, I'm sorry I'm putting you on the spot, John. But I'm not going to do it.

What medium is it worth? I'm sorry I'm putting you on the spot, John. But I'm not going to do it. It's very good. I'm sorry. My dad, he's fucking sick. My dad can't come to the fucking door right now. He's sick.

He's having a shit. My dad's fucking puking everywhere. Shut the fuck up, dad. See, it's better that I just hear it. It's good. It is good.

And then you turn the phone away so it sounds like far away. God! I'm out of my own mind to see you die. Fuck, he's sick. He can't calm down right now. He's fucking sick. Now you're making a mess, that fucking shit.

It's really stupid. Is there any reason behind it? No. I think we were just on the phone one day. Neither of us were talking. It's so good. It's just fucking. Oh, no.

You might have a mess of the sheets. It's fucking sick. And then it's just funny. A dad being sick is funny. Yeah. My dad's sick. All the time. All the time.

My dad's fucking sick. My dad was sick for Thanksgiving, and he was laying. I'm fucking sick now. It's fun. You call me on the tank. Oh, fuck, man. We just ate without him, though. And then he came out.

He was probably delighted. Well, no. No, that's what I thought. I was like, this is his dream. He's in the back laying in bed. And then he came out and was in his robe, and he was a little sick. And he was like, this is his dream. He's in the back laying in bed. And then he came out and was like in his robe and he's all sick. And he was like, what? Like, we were dumb.

We were like Thanksgiving without me. Yeah. He was like, you guys ate without me. We're like, yeah, you're sick. And he was like, get back in the room. Don't sneeze on the potato. Honestly, I don't even know if I need to do an ad read for this. Cause if you watch Barstool content,

you see everybody wearing row back everywhere. It is active wear with the best fit, the best feel. There really isn't a better gift out there than row back. Nothing beats a performance, hoodies, polos, and quarter zips.

Performance hoodies are, uh, literally the most comfortable thing in the world. If you watch, if you, if you watch the golfers, they're always wearing their performance polos. If you have a man in your life, you might as well get him a rowback because that's what he wants.

That's what he needs. That's what he does. You have a nice walk in the spring, performance hoodie. You have a nice 18 in the spring, performance polo. Wherever you are, you can make your gift giving easy with Roback. Use code KFC on Roback.com for a generous 20% off your first purchase. That's spelled R-H-O

B-A-C-K dot com. 20% off all polos, Q-Zips, hoodies and more with code KFC. Let me find just a couple of these here and we'll let you guys go. I keep my mouthwash in a decanter in

my bathroom. My friends think it's pretentious, but I think it's classy. A decanter? Is that like a glass whiskey thing? Yeah. I think it is obviously pretentious. I think it's so pretentious it's fucking cool. I think it's kind of sick. I walk in the bathroom and someone's got one of like a

fucking cancer at Barbicide. I'm like, if you got that, that's class. I think it's kind of sick. I think it's like, you know, I keep... I walk in the bathroom and someone's got one of, like, a fucking cancer at Barbicide. I'm like, oof. If you got that, that's class. I'll be honest. I always get confident when I buy mouthwash. I'm like, oh, I'm fucking excited for some mouthwash. And then a mouthwash sits in my bathroom for eight fucking years. Except for the mornings I'm too hungover to brush my teeth.

I can't be stabbing my esophagus this morning. I'll just mouthwash it. Anytime I get anything new in my bathroom routine, like a scrub or a wash or whatever, I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Feels fancy. Fresh nuts.

Yeah, yeah. Things are looking up for me. I smell good. What do you say? Would you do a mouthwash if it's a cancer? If I was his roommate, I would fucking hate his guts. I hate it. Yeah, I would think it was corny.

Yeah, it sucks. No. Fuck you guys. I strongly disagree. They're like, what? Oh, oh. That's the point of this game. Wait, wait, but also you said garbage man in your plastic bottle? You said roommate.

He says friends. If you're living with a roommate, you can't be spending money like that. If he's living solo, yeah. Nah, man, I'm cool with it no matter what. Fuck you guys. Now you get to have some mouthwash and a decanter by default. Fuck you. No, I don't like it.

Well, you know, you're an asshole. No, I'm not. This took a turn. My friend always offers to drive me to the airport and I always take him up on it. But when he travels for work I never offer him a ride because I hate driving

to the airport. I think that's fair too. Driving to the airport is insane. It's like, too. That is fair. Driving to the airport is insane. It's totally insane. You are a fucking psycho. It's like, what are you, this is 1995? That's like a Seinfeld joke thing, right? They joke about it on the show,

are you a good enough friend to drive to the airport? You should make nobody do that. You pay for it, they drop you off, you're fine. You're done. You're good. I completely agree in cities. But if I live in Western Mass and you fly into Logan. That is true.

I'm going to come get you. Good point. I'm going to come get you. Also, it's nice. But also, I don't live in Western Mass. Right, right, right. So I don't really. Yeah, if it's a hang like that.

But driving into a city airport is such a fucking nightmare. Yeah. That's only if that's for Uber drivers and car service. Dude, that's when you need an Uber driver. You need a guy that's like, fuck you. That's all. Yes. Yeah, like beep, beep, beep. This is the guy. Yeah, yeah. He's like, what are you flying? You's like, fuck you, that's all you want. Yes, yes. You're like, beep, beep, beep.

This is the guy. He's like, what are you flying? You're like, Delta. He's like, all right. He's mad at you the whole time. Flicking off the guy behind you, he opens the trunk. He's like, thank you so much. You have a fucking great flight.

Dude, we flew to... My darling, come and fly. We flew to London last weekend. Fuck, it's not last weekend. Two, I don't know, A while ago. A month ago. Me and my buddy. He called me on Wednesday to plan a trip. Actually, Stuff Island was on the podcast

and they were like, you gotta do it. You gotta do it. You gotta go. You gotta go. Go do it. Go do it. But we didn't even have airports or hotels or anything booked and we landed in the airport cab and he's like, what airport, mates? And I was like, I go to a hotel.

I was like, I don't even know, man. Like, what do you suggest? He goes, no hotel, couple of mad lads. I was like, yeah, I like this guy. All right, last one here. My boyfriend and I made a list of our hall passes. He chose all celebrities, and I made a list of our hall passes. He chose all celebrities and I picked some hot guys at my gym.

Now he's mad at me because mine are too attainable. I knew you. I picked this one specifically for you. What a disaster. I knew it. By the way. This is Shane's nightmare. It's everybody's fucking nightmare. What type of fucking dumbass is sitting down with their girlfriend like, who would you fuck? Yeah, no. Make it easy for me.

And then she's like, this guy Jim that uses the fucking... Yeah, he's like Emily Ratajkowski, and she's like, Frank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's Frank? A guy who would spot me at the gym. A guy who would kill to fuck me. Yes. You're like, that girl is just going to fuck those dudes.

Yeah, that is... I think if you're ever seriously doing that, you're fucking other people. It bothers me. Your girlfriend's fucking you. If nothing bothers me more than someone being like, that's my hall pass. Yeah. Guy or girl. Shut up.

Guess what? Give me your hall pass. It's still going to ruin your relationship. Yeah, that's not a real fucking thing. Your hall pass is not a real fucking thing. She's like, I want to get dicked out. My girlfriend fucked David Beckham, and I'm fine. It's cool.

We're back together. She was allowed to fuck. I told her it was okay. I gave her the okay. We're back together. She was allowed to fuck him. I told her it was okay. I gave her the okay. We were watching TV. She said she would fuck him. I said, there's fucking good luck.

You're a fucking six. Yeah, hall passes are so much more attainable for chicks, even if you are like a six. Because you could run through somebody and one day, like David Beckham might be like, I'll throw it at you real quick. You just have to be near them.

Yeah. If you're the girl, you have to be near that guy. It could very much occur. We were talking about that with. Where he'd be like, I'm not going to like it, but I'll throw it in you. Whereas a guy, it's like, forget it. It's never going to happen. Yeah, like I got to find out where Emily Ratajkowski lives.

I got to follow her. There's no way that I could ever run into her naturally. The climate tree. Yeah. Oh, I ran into you on the street Isn't that weird And she'd still be like Police

Imagine if like There were like Female bands Were having What like You know the Motley Crue And all these parties Everyone talks about

Like if like Pussycat Dolls Was out there Just crushing dick I want fucking All these guys Waiting for me in the dressing room Yeah

Female groupies. Dude, it would be all guys in pussycat doll shows. Yeah. No, it can't be that because they're all, hey, you got to pick up like, all right, that guy, his girlfriend dragged him here. Get him to my dressing room. Oh, yeah. What a reward.

All right, boys, that's it. I hope it was good. It was. It was awesome. Just almost as good as Gilly and Kee good. It was. It was awesome. Almost as good as Gillian Keeves. Season two. It's out now. What's the website that you can get it at?

It's gilliankeeves.com? Gilliankeeves.tv. Dot TV. Check it out. Everybody will get it. I think I said dot com like five times. They'll find it. I don't think that shows goodness.

No, this is going to work. Gilliankees.tv. We're ruined, John. We're absolutely ruined. This isn't going to help. GildingKeeves.TV. We're ruined, John. We're absolutely ruined. This isn't going to help. They are all fucking hilarious. Go see it. Shane's on tour.

When are the tickets on sale? Already? I think today. Awesome. Congratulations on that. ShaneMGillis.com. If you go to ShaneGillis.com, it goes to fucking Soder's website. No way. That's very funny.

I don't know who did that, but it is hilarious. And I do owe a lot to Soder, so that is funny. That is very funny. All right't know who did that, but it is hilarious. And I do owe a lot to Soder, so that is funny. That is very funny. All right, thanks, boys. Thank you. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.