KFC Radio - Singer Pees Directly Onto Her Fan’s Face While Performing

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - We have a HOT start - Feits has a bone to pick with Barstool Sports… - Reviewing video of the singer who pees directly on a guys face while on stage - Feits thought they bombed the live show…. - NFL Week 10 Recap - Jacqed Up - Top Five Misheard Lyrics - Video Voicemails - stuff employees do - Sex position numbers - Hand foot and mouth ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Intro 3:15 - Feits has a bone to pick with Barstool Sports…. 19:50 - Singer pees on guys face 40:46 - Live show recap 1:14:00 - Jacqed Up 1:28:00 Top 5 Misheard Lyrics 1:46:00 Video Voicemails 2:11:00 Max Greenfield Interview Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh! Wait, no, never mind, that was light. She's pushing so hard! Wait, yeah, oh! Wait. Uh.

Yeah, that's... Wait, wait, wait. That is... It just keeps going! That is so... What? And then... He's Triple H-ing it.

And he hits it with a Triple H. Bro, this guy. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? We'll be right back. on Monday morning. Are we watching? Are we rolling? Yeah. It's another edition of KSC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I think it's a good commercial idea. It is Monday. It is Monday AM.

We just watched a fucking school shooter scene. All right, let me explain the commercial concept. But even still. We are giving out the commercial for Black Friday merch. Goodness. It certainly commercial for Black Friday merch. Goodness. It certainly is a Black Friday. God. We are reenacting the school shooter scene from American Horror Story with T-shirt guns.

And going around the office shooting people in the face with T-shirts. I think that is a good commercial idea. I think that would inspire people to buy that gun. Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo! Do-do-do-do-do! And you shoot people with merch, and then they wear it. That's fucking good.

I'd buy that merch. I'd be like, that is a bold marketing campaign. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so, man. This team is betting their life on this working. It's that number one Kylie Jenner handing a Pepsi to cops. That was, I think I know what kind of like mood John's in to start the week. School shooter shit on the brain.

I was like, you know what my idea was? I was going to be like Santa. Handing out presents. Everyone does Santa. No one does Christmas themed school shooting. You're goddamn right. Let's be original about this shit. Oh, you know what I was going to do?

I was going to put a pillow on my shirt and hand out things. I was going to light motherfuckers up. I was going to be koala claws and hand out the new koala hoodies and dress like a little cute bear. John was like, how about you murder everyone in the office? Well, I got a bone

to pick with Barstool Sports. Let's murder them then. We can get to it right away. What's your bone to pick, pal? My bone to pick, and this has been a long time coming. I have so many bones to pick. It's time, and this is... How many human bones are in the body, like 190 or something?

I was going to say 363. I think it's like 256. Everybody just said a different number at the same time. We all have passionate opinions on the count of bones. 206? 206. Who was your closest? Yeah, I didn't go over.

Price is the right record. My rules. All right, so this is something I've noticed, and it's time to put a stop to it. I am going anti-stereotype, whereas I thought this was Barstool Sports. I think we are Barstool. We like sports too much.

You think there's too much sports at Barstool? I know, but I think the sport-specific franchises have gotten too into their sports in the sense that no one has teams anymore. Everyone just likes the sport. It's insanity. It's Dan dipped his toe in this water. And then first of all, mind you,

this is coming from someone with three football teams. Yeah, I was about to say. I am throwing a stone from a glass house and he po-bitch. The Dan dipped his toe in the water where he liked the Bills kind of as a joke. This is years and years ago. Oh yeah, we did these dressing up as

Lions fans. Dan like jokingly liked really bad teams. Yeah. And then it kind of expanded where PMT became the football franchise. And they are. And they own it. And they like football. And now we got, I mean, now someone in the northern hemisphere can't hit a ball 300 feet

without Karabas sending a Caps Locks tweet about it. We got the fucking foreplay guys rooting for 10 guys a Sunday. The foreplay guys at Winf one point just rooting for countries. Entire countries. Mike Grinnell last night tweeting his goddamn tits off about the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. Grinnell, we're a Bruins team. We're Bruins fans here. We have Bruins fans in this house.

Everyone needs to have a team. It's a company of Rob Lowe's now. I can't do it anymore. Respect the Shields. And again, I know I have three football teams. I don't care. I'm allowed to do what I want. I can criticize other people.

This is do as I say, not as I do. Any given moment on all of the channels, your football teams will be covered. There could be a chance. CBS, Fox, all of the channels, your football teams will be covered. Like, there could be a chance. Like, CBS, Fox, and the NFL Network, John's watching all of his teams on the fucking screens. The chicklets guys, everyone's calling everyone by their nickname. You call guys on your team by their nicknames. You don't call Conor McDavid McJesus. He's Conor McDavid because he's the enemy.

I'm with you, man. Brother, I live this life. You talk about this life. I live this life. I go so this life. I live this life. I go so far as I don't even care about my own team. Not only do I not care about your team, I don't care about my team. I have fully – people told me I couldn't do it. People told me I wasn't going to be able to.

I have rebuked the Jets, and it's amazing. I mean, I truly – You have, but you were an addict with it. No, I have not watched it in like three weeks. Oh, you went back to the well a few times. We were talking, Mike White. One week. One week with Mike White.

After that. There wasn't another one? No. All right. Well, Jackie's been covering it for me. I mean, like, spoiler alert, Mike White's not actually good. No one's gotten more full of themselves faster than Mike White. Mike White's been shipping the number one overall pick?

Mike White said Shepard the number one overall pick? Motherfucker, you've been in the league four years, we just learned your name. Guy I mentioned at the SportsCenter once, he's like, should have been the first pick. I get what he was doing, but even then it's ridiculous. If I was Mike White, I would have been like, well, this is the part where I'm supposed to say, hey man, I think I'm the best player on the team, I should have been the number one this is the part where I'm supposed to say hey man I think I'm the best player on the team I should have been

the normal pick but like you know I'm not yeah wink yeah I'm on a magic carpet ride that's gonna fucking end in a week

like let me just say this quickly if you're a Jets fan that actually thought Mike White was gonna be good kill yourself like straight up

that means that must bleed into so many other things in your life where you're that stupid. If you were convinced that Mike White was, like, going to be Tom Brady, like, oh, we found, like, our franchise quarterback, like, in a Wally Pipps situation. It's a bottle of a landfill. Like, legit, you have no, like, no functioning brain capacity. You have no functioning brain capacity. You have no analytical skills.

You don't have comprehension ability to look at a situation and be like, oh, no, no, no, this is not the real thing. Zach Wilson, sucks. Mike White, sucks. Joe Douglas, sucks. Robert Sala, sucks. All of them are bad. Joe Douglas has been around for how many years now?

He sucks. Joe Douglas' record has to be many years now he sucks what's Joe Douglas Joe Douglas' record has to be like 3 and fucking 30 or whatever you know do the math he's been 3 years

yeah he sucks I guess he's got 5 I think he's 5 wins right oh ok yeah you've got 5 he sucks give the guy his credit he's been outscored

991 to 599 in his fucking Joe Douglas 10 and 28 10 and 28 he sucks everybody here is not good so 599 in his fucking. Joe Douglas is 10 and 28. He sucks. Everybody here is not good.

So, and I have been just like chilling. You know what I did yesterday? Cleaned the house. Went to a fucking comedy show. Had a great little Sunday. Hung out with my kids pretty much during the game. I'm just waiting for Jacked Up. Jacked Up is the only football consumption I have these days.

It's blissful. Because I don't care about your teams. I don't even care about my teams. Caring about a whole league of teams and people? I'm a conservative Christian when it comes to my sports viewing. You preach, but you... No, no, no. Sure, we can do that too. You're a homophobe who gets his dick sucked

I fuck kids yep what I what I meant was what I meant was is that in the traditional sense In the sense we used to think about conservative Christians in the 70s

Like they're good, God-fearing people Who are committed to relationships I watch my fucking shit You're monogamous Monogamy is the word I was looking for I watch, but I'm a conservative Christian In the sense that I don't even Watch the highlights of it

I don't even know players on your team. I don't even know what... Thou shalt not covet. I don't even know players on your team. All I care about are the Boston Bruins, the Boston Red Sox, and the New England Patriots. That's...

Oh, and the Tennessee Titans. But... All right. We're going to exclude football from the conversation. We're just talking about hockey. If you want your sport also being excluded

from the conversation, be a top three podcast. You can like the whole fucking league. Until then. I totally get what you're saying. It started with basketball. Basketball is a league of just people who like the show.

I actually do understand it in that sense because I think basketball is the most highlight oriented show of sport but also the most recognizable star because they're not wearing masks and helmets and pads and they're also the they tend to be

they're promoted, they're on TV for one reason or another basketball players are the most active on social media too the league is smart, they're smart they can do shit that is, I think, out of all of the sports, like high-flying dunks and half-court fucking jumpers now, I think are the most like... I think, you said it, but I think the deep threes are so much cooler than dunks.

Yeah, yeah. I'd rather watch 10 billion Steph Curry shots. Steph Curry, I think Coley tweeted about it so much cooler than dunks. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like. I'd rather watch 10 billion Steph Curry shots. Steph Curry, I think Coley tweeted about it, and it's so true. Like, the Steph Curry pop it and, like, look to the bench or start running to the back down court. He's been doing it for years now, and every time he does it, I think it's so fucking awesome. The other day he was pointing at someone while the ball was still floating. Like, Larry Bird had it in a three-point contest, the famous one with Zayn Duggan.

Stetford was doing it actively in games and pulling in the crowd while the ball was still fucking 15 feet from the hoop. And I rarely, like if ever, remember him doing it and missing. I think I've seen once when he started to run back down the court, but if he's turning

and pointing and talking, yeah, look at that guy in his face. He's waving at him and he's like, fuck you. He's like, yeah. That was at home, so he was probably shouting him out. Maybe it's because basketball is the sport that guys play the most.

God damn it. That ball's not even close to going in yet. Holy shit. He just so casually does it too. It's not even, oh my God. Now, to be fair, to be fair, that was like, I don't know how that happened. That was the most wide open three of all time. That was like a free throw.

That was the Larry Bird three-point contest shot. Right. Yeah, there was more D in the three-point contest. Maybe because like guys get on like the court most often because all you need is like you just grab a ball and go to the court and it's like, oh, I can't come close to doing like any of these things. I don't know what it is but um but yeah the whole world loves every fucking player in basketball uh and and yeah i don't know i guess the non-violence aspect of it helps too we're like hockey and football you grow to dislike people

because there's they're like hurting you're hitting your your play. But I don't know, because it's translating into every other sport now. And it's... I mean, you know what it might be? Basketball is so successful because of that, probably. Baseball is such a regional sport, and you just watch your team and your channel, that it doesn't ever fully grow. So maybe that's part of why

they're trying to do it. But it's the one thing I think... Everything in in life i'd be like totally logical and be like just do just root for who you want to root for though these are all made up rules yeah who fucking cares but when it comes to sports i'm like no you follow those fucking rules you fuck because and i've said this before because of you motherfuckers without that well they motherfuckers you motherf that... They motherfuckers? You motherfuckers. They motherfuckers.

I agree. They have fucked everything up. The whole system falls down. If you don't root for your team, your guys, when it's good and when it's bad, then the entire system of sports fandom falls apart. It doesn't work. Limited society here.

Yes, there are rules. This is not nom, Donnie. This is rule. It doesn't work. Living in a society here. Yes, there are rules. This is not nom, Donnie. This is rule. There are rules here. Because if you don't, like, take your medicine when you're bad, then you shouldn't get to, like, celebrate when you're good, and that leaves no time for people to be like, we were bad, and now we're on top.

The cycle doesn't exist anymore, and then there's no reason to be up when you're up or down when you're down because when you're down, it doesn't matter because I'm going to jump on a team when they're up. And when that team goes down, then I'm just going to jump onto another team that's up, and so there's no system to be like none of it matters. It's like if everybody's fucking pretty, then everyone's ugly. If everyone's fat, then no one's skinny.

You know? You got to have your ups and downs, and you got to live through it. Well, this is the problem with success is's fat, then no one's skinny. You know? You gotta have your ups and downs and you gotta live through it. Well, this is the problem with success is that like oh, the foreplay guys get to root for everybody because they're friends with everybody. And the checklist guys get to root for everybody because they played on all the teams. Yeah. Fuck that. Would you all stop being so

successful? That's the end of my bone to pick. My bone to pick is with other podcasts. More sex. No, but I love this is like Mets fans when I win my one it's going to be so much sweeter

or people being like no I don't want I don't want that level of success because then I can't say what I want to say I do like being able to stay fucking Mike White sucks, dude. He sucks. I'm not afraid to say that.

You know what I mean? Like, I like being able to say objective. I mean, I have to with my teams. Yeah, I was going to say, as someone who was on the field post-game yesterday, I disagree. John! You're contradicting Your whole fucking boy Your whole goddamn segment Yeah no

I have a bone to pick with you But you're a bone to pick Thank you to the Kraft family For the tickets I love these pairs And when the Bucks Offer you tickets tomorrow Thank you to them too

What's that? For the boys The Bables are great man The Bables are great to. What's up? For the boys. Vables are great, man. Vables are great to me. And, yeah, I mean, for the boys. And for the boys, yeah. I wonder if you had a brain and you were, like, a businessman, do you think that would have gone differently?

What? Would you have, like, stopped them from saying for the boys or been, like, you know, demanding money? If you were a businessman, not if you were you. I'm so happy you asked this question I bought this John bought his own bootleg merch the girl asked do you want me to take it down because she felt bad

and I said oh no no leave it up red bubble now that I actually I purchased this with my own money let me just say this woman made money off of me and it was my money yes yes but I will say this one that's fire that's well done I don't know why she did that and only that right no no there's a there's one of you oh there is yeah there's I thought that I figured like there would be like a whole like barstool set or something like that I thought it was just you there's one of you. Oh, there is? Yeah. I figured there would be a whole barstool set or something like that. I thought it was just you. All right, whatever.

No, it's just you guys, and I think it's also somehow my sister's friend. Okay, I mean, I would buy that, too. Wait, your sister's friend made it? Yeah, and I just happened to find it randomly, because that's how I got in touch with her. You know how this is fire? It got John to use a phone case. I don't know what I'm eating. Why are you what are you doing? I don't know.

You look like a little girl on a sleepover like your feet would be kicking back here. You know what I mean? Kicking your feet up gossiping with the girls. I can get down with that because that's if that was making like a shit ton of money I could not get down with that because if that was making a shit ton of money

I could not get down with that I hope this girl retires I have a similar thing this kid sent me a little logo he was making but not like for me but he sends me this logo

and it's fire and I think I'm going to buy it off of him, and we're going to do some merch with it. But it was a moon man. So, you know, I have this picture, the moon man holding the balloon that is the planet Earth. Okay, let me guess real quick. He's hanging himself with the Earth. Yeah. Okay.

Really? Yeah, not hanging himself, but he's being pulled up by it. But maybe hanging himself with the earth. Yeah. Okay. Not hanging himself, but he's being pulled up by it. But maybe hanging is the next thing to do. Let me see, because I'm going to think he's hanging. This is going to be a Rorschach test. He's going into space. Nah, he's killing himself. Well, yeah.

He's being pulled towards his dreams. Yeah. His dreams are death. This is definitely like a limp body. If it wasn't so clearly his shoulder, I'd definitely like a limp body. He's like, yeah. If it wasn't so clearly his shoulder, I'd be like, yeah, that dude's being hot. Oh, my God, yeah. So, of course, Mr. Suicide over here sees it through that lens. I just saw it as a guy, like, flying up.

So it's like this cartoony. Bro, that dude's killing himself. I like it a lot. I like it more now, but that dude's killing himself. I like it a lot. I like it more now, but that dude's killing himself. The only thing that would be better is if he was, like, frantically reaching for his helmet trying to save himself. So he sends me this. He's trying to decide if it's worth breaking the glass and going out that way or going out with the hang.

There's no oxygen up here. I'm out either way. I would for sure just be hitting that thing until my face gets vaporized or whatever. So he just sends me this and just says, to the moon. I think just kind of being like, to be honest, I think he wants a job. And if he makes things like this, if he keeps it up, maybe he can be part of a design team. Anyway, he sends me this.

And I go, wow, that's fucking dope. Can you make me a version where instead of a pineapple, it's Earth because that's kind of what I have him doing. And he's like, well, that's my actual logo. He does something with pineapples. So he has a whole bunch of pineapple things.

And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, maybe I could buy the planet one off of you and you just keep doing the pineapples and we both at the same time are DMing each other like and you just keep doing the pineapples. And we both at the same time are DMing each other like, I just don't want to get sued. And I'm sitting here. He thinks that we're going to sue if I buy this logo and use it.

This guy is worse than you. He was about to think that we're suing him for a logo he created. But I'm sitting here talking to this guy who's made like four Instagram posts about pineapples, being like it's his i'm gonna get sued i can't i don't know we are the goddamn worst businessman in the world the worst dude he owns tropical fruits so it's pineapples are his am i talking to mr dole here well we gotta talk about i almost want to go back and like start the episode on this. I meant to do this because it was all over the internet. That girl pissing on that dude's head. I never saw it. Okay.

Dude, I was at Carnegie Hall seeing Gary Goldman and I'm like, this is not a Carnegie Hall thing to be watching. No. I'm almost thinking, I mean, the beginning is such a mess of this episode. It was all over the place, but maybe we put this more towards the top because this was like all over the internet. It was on. And then I think we'll get his live react. You haven't seen this?

No. Okay. So this will be a really. I know what it is. Right. But it's still even knowing what's coming. Holy shit. I was doing something.

It wasn't as Carnegie Hall, but I was still doing something. I just kind of. I saw it. I intentionally scrolled past it. Okay. That was somewhere where I shouldned past it. Look at me. You can go to my Twitter. We'll do this segment and then maybe we can just kind of put it wherever we want to put it.

Whatever. If it just fits here, that's fine. I'm going to put it up top. I don't understand. I'm trying to guess what's coming because you said speaking of tomatoes. No, no, no no it has nothing to do uh i i it was i was saying when you see these crazy videos in new york i was gonna say that somebody could be coming on a tomato oh but i was thinking about crazy videos i saw so this weekend um video went viral and it takes a lot for me to go like whoa a lot to be like

that was a jarring video and it happened this like I think it's like a metal punk metal I don't know whatever those fucking groups are called Brass Against and the lead singer is named Sophia I believe and they

clearly do some sort of segment during their concerts. Like, you can tell this was like a guy they brought up. The cameras are out. They're ready. And you very quickly guess what's about to happen here. And yet and still, when it goes down, it's stunning. Do you have any guess of what's about to happen?

She pees on it. Oh, you do know that part? I know that. Okay, okay. Because you said it. I read your tweet, and then I scrolled by it. Because I was like, I'm not in a place where I should watch this. Okay. So, you know what's coming here.

And yet and still, when it does, it just keeps coming, and she keeps singing. Oh, I'm excited to watch this because this is going to be one of the first times I've seen, like, girls post on their, like, fucking, I don't know, like, Twitter, like, porn stars or something like that. Pee stuff. But I've never really seen a woman pee. Oh, and this is only.

And I've made a lot of jokes about it. And this is only going to reinforce your leaky faucet, broken faucet idea. I'm really excited about this. It is. It's actually, well, yes and no. Because on the one hand, it's bullseye. But it's impressive that it's bullseye because it's like... She's accurate with it.

Yes, but in a weird way. Interesting twist. I didn't predict that. Roll the clip. Wait, do we have audio? Let's make sure we have audio first cause you have to have her singing it as well oh she's singing too

she's singing so I actually got a serenaded piss face I actually got this mixed up come on me she's they're doing a Rage Against the Machine song

and I guess she said price of your head is the lyrics and I I didn't know that miss her lyrics I thought she was just saying

I'm gonna piss on your head I'm gonna piss on your head! I'm gonna piss on your head! And I was like, yeah, we know. You're fucking unbuckling and shit. But I guess she was saying price of your head. But you gotta even have the audio on top of it. Oh, okay. Sounds like me getting my pants off oh wait no never mind that was light

she's pushing so hard well Wait, oh, wait. Yeah, wait, wait, wait. That is, it just keeps going. That is so, what? And then, he's Triple H-ing it.

And then he's with the Triple H. Bro, this guy. Bro. This guy goes head back with the dog.

With piss. Bro, if you're, if you're gonna get pissed on him, you've gotta do that. I mean, he was like, time to play the game! That is... Jackie's face was priceless. She was truly disturbing. Yeah. That looks like a horse. That looks like horse piss. That was like a stream, man.

What a stressful... Oh, my God. That's so much piss. Look at that. He's getting waterboarded. Bro, this... This is exactly how I predicted women piss. Yes, exactly.

Women piss exactly like my imagination. And then, you know what I love? Wait, go... Let her roll one more time. It's like I created horses in my head, and I saw a horse, and I was like, holy shit, that's exactly what my brain thought. That is exactly what I thought.

I love, by the way, she's squatting, and she's like, oh, like, stage fright, I'm going to get this piss out. Here's the thing,

the worst part about this was when she accidentally farted on him, because you know she farted, too. Watch the way she, when she finishes up, watch the way she struts away, and she's pulling her pants back up. She's kind of like,

I just did the damn thing. That's right. Jackie Smith. This is disturbing. Look at that. Watch when she's done, man. This was like she unloaded. Look, it's still going.

And obviously no wipe. Squat, squat, squat. And then she's just like, yup. Yup. Did that. That fucking, you know what they call pink smoke? Pink smoke? Yeah.

It's like when someone gets shot in the head, and it's just like the blood splatters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was piss smoke. That was yellow smoke. That was piss smoke he spit out. That was yellow smoke. And so here's the kicker.

So this girl is married to the top Peloton instructor, like one of the main girls who is like this obviously like healthy lifestyle buttoned up like be your best self you know uh and i can't imagine she was not she was in some trouble i would imagine i i was like this is some doghouse shit right here like obviously you marry the the lead singer of a punk band or whatever, a rock metal band, you know what's up. And you know what? The tweet from the band was the real kicker because this is very much like

when they used to eat the heads off of bats and shit. They were doing this, and they followed up with a quote tweet, with a tweet. Brass again said, we had a great time last night at welcome to Rockville. Sophia got carried away. That's not something the rest of us expected. And it's not something you'll see again at our shows. Thanks for bringing it last night, Daytona.

Like it was so something you expected. You called up a fan. He laid there like, give me the piss. You unloaded on him. This was premeditated peeing. You absolutely expected this. What I am surprised about is, I was drinking waters before our live show.

I was kind of nervous. I was just going to get, that's what I do. I got to stay busy. But I was like, I'm and I was just going to get, that's what I do. I got to stay busy. But I was like, oh, I'm going to have to piss on stage because I drank so much water. And I never did. You get that adrenaline in you, your body. How much water did she have to drink to be ready to piss on a guy's face? Like a fucking camel, like loaded up with her fucking water weight.

And it shows. She had like a gallon of piss in her. The work she did shows. There is a lot of piss. It is so much. So much piss. But guess what, man? Here's the deal.

Like, we've watched this 10 times now. Yeah. There's something wrong with us, I think. Definitely. Like, run it back. Run it back. Run it back. Hang on.

You know what it is to me? We're intently watching this fucking piss. Let me tell you where I get really disturbed. Watch. I don't think. I don't get totally disturbed. I don't get disturbed at any point. Not disturbed, but I guess impressed is actually the better word.

Impressed would be the way to put it. Turned on? Yeah. Yeah. Right here. So she starts. I'll tell you one. Right.

I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a laser beam. Yeah. Yeah. Like a fucking Independence Day ship coming off. That does look like that. Hold off. That does look like that. That looks exactly like that.

That guy with the iPad is filming it from that angle. Yeah, so he knows. So are they streaming that to Facebook? That looks exactly like it. Look at that. Whoa! Because that would be a nice way to pee, like a controlled way to pee. But no, it splits out.

That piss looks like she had a little dried cum in her urethra. Then right here is where I think it's done. Because she's kind of losing the stream. And then it just... Get that. That was grosser than that dude I'm pretty sure I got that

you had you had snot shoot out to like here and come back in Jackie I'm gonna put a marker you do one of those zoom in things

in the part you caught it though I caught it you caught it all I the reason i laughed is ken jack just sent me a text and i guess he watched mayor of kingstown last night which i haven't seen yet i watched it too it's just a picture of that guy who's in everything i just i just got a snort laugh at that i don't recognize him he's watching it oh he's in every tale of taylor oh oh yeah the the other there's a couple taylor sherry and guys in in there. That show, that episode is jarring.

There's some shit in there. I can't wait to watch that. I'm, if we do a little quick DVR, I strongly, strongly, strongly recommend everyone spend seven hours catching up on Dope Sick. The finale is tomorrow night. I've watched Dope Sick twice now. I might watch it a third time before.

Before the finale? It's so good. The acting is so good. You re-watched a series, a season before the finale? Yeah. That's wild. I really, really like Dope Sick. That is insane. I think Dope Sick... Did you watch it and then watch it with somebody else again? You just watched it by yourself twice? No, I just watched it by myself twice.

Holy fuck. There's a chance I watched it a third. The... I think Dope Sick is... I think it's under... I feel like Hulu shows get play later. I think... Hulu just sucks because of the interface. The interface is awful. Their shows can be fine, but they're... This is hard to explain, but I almost did a video the other day.

I was watching Sonny after Sonny's announcement came out. And I was like, you know what? I'm re-watching the show. And I went to Hulu, and it looked like they only have one season. I know. Because on Netflix, it's season one, season two, season three. I know. They go up on Hulu.

So all you do is see season one. I was like, they only have the first season. This is nonsense. It is totally nonsense. It's crazy how bad they are at everything. H Netflix, you go season one, season two, season three. I know. They go up on Hulu. So all you do is see season one. I was like, they don't have the first season. This is nonsense. It is totally nonsense. It's crazy how bad they are at everything. Hulu, hire me. I'll fucking fix everything

because you suck despite the fact that you have some great shows. But they're smart, though. You know what they do is that when you pay, you get the easier interface. Suck a dick.

I don't care. I like commercial breaks. I am pro commercial break. It gives me time. It's like, hey, a little reward. It's like, hey, John, it's like when I read a chapter of a book, I get to play on my phone for a little bit.

If I watch a full show, a full five to seven minutes of a show intently, cut the commercial break, I get to play on my phone for a little bit. I like the commercial breaks. The Hulu commercial breaks are like 900 seconds long. Yeah, they're really long. They're not longer than actual commercial breaks.

That little thing comes up, and it's like 240 seconds. I'm doing the math. I'm like, I'm going to be here for like 10 minutes. What the fuck's going on? But dope. I'm doing the math. I'm like, I'm going to be here for like 10 minutes. What the fuck's going on? But dope. Michael Keaton is unbelievable in it. I'm a huge Keaton guy.

Keaton smokes it. The girl from Booksmart, I forget her name. She plays Betsy Callum. Betsy Mallum, something like that. Unbelievable. Caitlin Deaver. Caitlin Deaver, yeah. And then the Sackler family, who are the people who own Purdue Pharma

and created Oxycontin, it is like watching a fictional television show. Pure evil, right? Because it is evil in its absolute form. When they used to pay CVSs for if they had someone overdose from their pharmacy or something like that. Oh, we haven't gotten that.

They would like pay them to like keep it quiet, but you would like pay them to keep funding it. I don't want to give spoilers, but basically every single thing they used to market. And maybe at first you're doing it, you're like, look, we'll just do a couple of lies, make some money, who cares? And then when you realize what it was doing to the country,

maybe like maybe pull back like, ah, fuck. Wait a minute, we overdid this. I get fucking marketing. I understand marketing is lying. I get it. Absolutely. And it's happened before with cigarettes and all sorts of alcohol still happening. There's bad shit going on. We're ruining fucking the working class,

middle class of America. Oh, America. And some of these cities. The city in mayor of Kingstown is like just destroyed by like everything. But those are the type of cities that just get wrecked. It's watch Dope Sick. Dope Sick is going to win a bunch of Emmys. I don't think it's going to get the love it deserves until Emmy season.

The dog walk, the Chicago guys had on some dude, I'm not sure who, I think he's just an author, who was saying, you know, it you you these pharmaceutical companies and families like over prescribe them get everybody hooked then you have to pass legislation and like oh no this is bad you take it away now everyone's on heroin because you fucking got all these people addicted and took away the supply and now everyone's like dying from you know street drugs or needles and shit It's like, that's a very quick recipe. Get them hooked, take it away. You're fucked. It's crazy. And everybody knows it and I think they are being punished,

but monetarily. Not really. None of them did jail time. As far as I know. Because it probably is hard, like you said. We were just, I don't know, a million other medications that have ever been made, but this is particularly fucking gross. You'll find out. It is really, really, I don't even, like a million other medications that have ever been made. But this is particularly fucking gross. You'll find out. It is really, really.

I don't even want to tell you off air because I don't even want to spoil it for you either. There's one thing. What's crazy is it's fucking, it's not a spoiler. It's reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's more like, it's not like Easy E dies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. There's some shit that I definitely did not know about.

And I'm like, holy fucking shit. It's crazy. It's crazy. I got Paramount Plus to watch Mayor of Kingstown, so I'm going to watch that. I watched the first couple episodes of Yellowstone, which I think is great. Some people don't like it.

They call it, like, people are saying it's a soap opera for men. I don't get that at all. I also think it's an insult. Yeah, but I mean, like. So is Sons of Anarchy. But Sons of Anarchy was, particularly like stupid at times, you know? I think unless I just don't know like ranch life, maybe it's like wildly... Like there's sometimes where they were doing like big like gunfights, but it's usually

like a DEA like raid where I do think there probably is a lot of like fucking gunfire and shit. But I am maintaining... Somebody is dead in Yellowstone. There's no way, if you're caught up, there has to be somebody dead. I'll just leave it at that. But I fucking love that show. And I'm watching Invasion is a show on Apple TV about aliens.

And the big complaint has been they haven't shown the aliens yet, which I actually like because now it's a real show about other topics. You told me about this. Aliens, I would not be interested in. That I'm interested in. But then episode five or six or whatever just aired, they were clearly like, here's the alien episode. And it's a cool alien.

It's like a – and you only get a glimpse of it. And it's like it's – so I think Invasion is awesome, but I seem to be the only person out here thinking that. I feel like you're like that with almost all Apple TV shows. I love Apple TV. For All Mankind is fucking awesome. Invasion's awesome. Morning Show has gone like

crazy, kind of off the rails. That first season was so beloved. I knew the second season was out just because of buses in New York City. I still like it. I think it's good. I love the season one. Oh, it's still going week to week.

Yes. Okay. So I got to catch up on that. So I think we're up to the finale or like episode nine or 10, but they're catching up to COVID. Like, so, you know, it's kind of cool having like a real life spoiler in your head where you're like, they're even saying dates. She's like, all right, well, on March 16th, I'm going to do this.

And I think they picked that like, cause I think like that was like the day the world shuts down. So if you know what's coming, you're like March 16th, I'm going to do this. And I think they picked that because I think that was the day the world shuts down. So if you know it's coming, you're like, no, no, no, you're not going to do that. So that's the shit I'm watching now. The only thing I know that I do smart with my money is go to Blue Nile when I'm trying to buy jewelry online, whether it's an engagement ring, fine jewelry, watches. Yeah, there I am. Oh, my God. I look like I have the Michael Myers mascot.

Can you throw your boy a tan and some scruff on his face so he doesn't look fat as fuck? You look doughy. Here's the thing. Oh, first of all, this is wild. I'm wearing that hoodie right now. That's crazy. And I am doughy now,

but I'm not like doughy then. Like I... This is the look. Wait, hold on. I mean, that's dead on. Anyway, whether it's the engagement ring, like I said, or the fine jewelry or just, you know,

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You don't have to pay extra for any of that. Stress-free with the discount. That's BlueNile.com. Promo code KFC. Can I tell you something? Thank you, Josh. I don't know what's going on right now on this podcast. I don't even know what we just talked about.

Okay, can I tell you something? Second bone to pick with Barstool Sports. Stop not buying enough water. Just get enough water. I'm going to tell you something, though. I get it, but at what point do we just

drink too much water or something? We can't buy... At no point do we drink too much water. At no point. At no point. Dude, there's no way we can order more water. There's a way. No.

Yeah. No. Give me the controls. I'll handle it. No. I will show you the way. At some point, we have to commit to putting the endless source of water that we have access to into cups. No. We can't. I need a cup putting the endless source of water that we have access to into cups.

No. We can't. I need a cup. Fuck a cup of water. I like a glass cup better than a plastic bottle. Nonsense. Glass over plastic all day. You can't throw cups of water anywhere.

That's true, but. Okay, so I'm out. You just want to be able to throw it? Yeah. I want to be able to bottle flip with my cup. After I finish this, I'm going to bottle flip, and I don't care if it breaks everywhere. Look at this idiot. That kid loves his plastic.

I hope that's got the cancer plastic. You know what I mean? I hope so, too. You can't get me. Yeah, there is no... This is going to end up with him saying, order more water, and I wanna die This podcast

I had You know I was like alright we'll talk about the show We'll talk about this that I don't even know what's happening Yeah once you become school shooting things go pretty haywire Off the rails real quick When you start opening kickoff with Evan Peters put on a hell of a performance

Shooting those children in the face. Things go off the rails. Things actually stayed on the rails at our live show. Yeah. Well, I should say according to plan. Our plan was to go off the rails, but we went. It was like organized chaos. I've never seen.

You know, we're still relatively new to the live game world. Because every time we've done it, it's kind of been a different variation, a different venue, a different city, different people. So sometimes we just go up there ourselves. Sometimes, like this weekend, there was a fucking crew with earpieces.

Like three, two, one, roll tape. Green light. Go show. Hammer live. I was like, I don't know what any of this means. But we did some drinking on stage last night, this weekend, with milk. And there was some milk spillage, and that guy ran out there like there was a shooting.

I hated every second of that. And there was blood all over the place. It was like an NBA mop boy came out. I did like seven drops of milk. It was a little, man. Yeah, it was not a big deal. But I guess on the flip side is there was a show after us, and you don't need stale milk,

and really you shouldn't, I don't know what comedy act is just spilling milk all over the stage. Gallagher makes a mess. We were the milk version of Gallagher this weekend. So we had the milk girls from the last couple weeks of KFC Radio fame came to our show and

unbeknownst to them we decided we were going to play flip cup with milk with them. And there were three of them so it was me fights, Fights, and we grabbed Pabst. That was a funny moment. I was like, all right, so which one from the team is going to do it? And Pabst was like, who do you think? Who's going to do a flip cup competition?

Who's going to do a drink? The guy who looks like he's going to do a flip cup competition. Yeah. So we've already got the crowd being like, what? No. Like, you're going to play flip cup with milk? And the girls are like. Paz was like, I'm currently a pledge master at Delta.

It's like, I'm going to bring this one back to the house. We're going to do this. So the girls are like, holy shit. OK, let's do this. And they were like, how much are we doing? Are we going to do like the normal amount? And as they're saying that, I just poured a full solo cup full. And the crowd groaned at that like I took my balls out

and showed them from behind. They were like, oh, no, no. And me, Me Fights, and Pabs just worked these bitches. Mopped the floor with them. That other dude mopped the floor with milk. For real, though. And I'll tell you what, man. I could be a flip cup champion if we played with milk.

Like, I could absolutely play better with milk than I can with beer. Do you think you can play longer with milk or beer? I mean, like... It's beer. It's beer. It's beer. There is, like, an inflection point or whatever you want to call it. There's, like, a crossroads where it's, like, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk.

Like, I can do better, do better, do better, and then... I think it's one game of milk. No, I'm telling you, bro. Not in here. In this thing... Are you talking to a guy who... Like, a tin can of milk. It's, like, a vault in there that loves the milk. Yeah, bro, you're talking to a guy who. Like a tin can of milk. It's like a vault in there that loves the milk. Yeah.

Like, look, I did the fucking hot chip challenge where I drank a full gallon of milk, half gallon of milk, in about five minutes. I think there are rumors that you can't do a half gallon in 15 minutes. Maybe it was a full gallon. But I drank a full half gallon, basically just chugged the whole thing. Like, my stomach hears the Lil' Kim story and is like, pussy. So I can lock up my protein-based liquids pretty good. Any thick white liquids, it's good. We're fine.

We're locking it in. But still, I think I got one to two games. I mean, I chugged that down. It was, like, refreshing. It felt good. I think the girl I was going against just went, you got to chug it down. Joe just poured it down her chest.

I was like, you're losing, and I'm turned on over here. Joe turned that thing into a wet t-shirt contest, despite her green shirt. So I was thinking about this. I mean, we went to the bar afterwards. That girl just spent the rest of the night covered in milk. Not enough that it would go spoil, or not enough time and not enough milk that it would be smelly or rotten. But she was just covered in milk.

There's a lot of milk down there. It was too much milk to go out on the town with. What was funny was, we didn't know what was going to happen with the milk. We's a lot of milk down there. It was too much milk to go on the town with. What was funny was we didn't know what was going to happen with the milk. We got like six gallons. We used like, we poured six cups. We had gallons of milk left over at the show.

The crew was like, what is going to happen with all that milk? We don't even know, bro. Buckle up. You might be involved for all we fucking know. We are going to find out on stage uh it was funny though the so before the show uh we had an early start it was at 6 30 so it was like happy hour time time to have a beverage time to have a little drinky so me and john went to the bar uh beforehand and uh it was just around the corner and while we were having our drink,

this girl was like looking down the bar, kind of like scuzz-eyeing me. Reminds me of in Bad Santa when that guy is just eyeing Billy Bob Thornton the whole time and he's like, what the fuck? What are you looking at? Haven't seen it.

Watched it a few times, didn't care for any, no puns grabbed me, so I passed on it. That is insane. You would love Bad Santa. People tell me that all the time. But you're too stubborn. Now I know you. That is insane. You would love Bad Santa. People tell me that all the time. But you're too stubborn.

Now I know you won't like it. But you are Bad Santa. It's arguably the movie that I'm most told I love that movie. Yeah. And I will not watch it. I will tell you, as far as pure just funniness, I don't know. It's a pretty good plot, too. But I think it's maybe just the pure funniest movie I've ever seen.

Not the best. not the best comedy, but like Thurman Merman, this fat little kid, and the drunk Santa. What does that sentence mean? It's the funniest movie you've ever seen, not the best comedy? Yeah, like it's not like, I wouldn't say, like I think old school with the concept of like old guys starting their own, you know? And even wedding crashers. But this one's pretty good too, though. Like a fucking drunk bank robbing Santa Claus. But as far as just like, laugh out loud,

this is a deplorable fucking movie where Santa's like ass-fucking elves and Thurman Mermans got his wooden people and all sorts of shit. Spoiler alert, just for you. Only you. Wait, did you say elves get ass-fucked? Okay. swords and shit. Spoiler alert, just for you. Only you. Wait, did you say I'll get ass fucked? Okay.

She's eyeing me up like in Bad Santa, and she comes over eventually, and she goes, are you the Barstool guy? And I think she's just here to talk. And she's kind of drunk, so I'm just like, whatever. By the way, how I guess

irrational confidence, or how assuming of us all? Because I think there are probably maybe more, but I would say there are probably seven to ten people who would answer yes to are you the Barstool guy? Yeah. No, I'm not. But if you asked me, I'd say yes. Well, like, if you work for Barstool and someone comes up to you and says,

are you the Barstool guy? Yeah, what's the cutoff? Let's play that game. Let's piss off everyone at this company. Starting with the people who buy the waters. Do you think if somebody went up to Stephen Che and said, are you the Barstool guy? Stephen Che?

Yeah. Would he say yes? Yes. Yes, absolutely, right? If, uh, Glennie Balls. Yep. Yep.

Um, I think everybody would. I'm trying to think of someone who would be like, or do you think most people would be like, well, I work for Barstool, but I wouldn't call him. I think there's a lot of people who would say I work for Barstool. I'm trying to think. You have a reasonable. I should have said that probably.

No, because I think there's a good swath of the population who does consider you the Barstool guy. Because I think you're on the Barstool Sports Instagram more than anyone else probably. Because of OneMinuteMan, yeah. So I think it's reasonable for you to be, not only say you are the Barstool guy, but reasonable for you to even be considered the Barstool guy. Yeah, yeah. Motherfucker, I am the Barstool guy. Outside of that, it's obviously Dave, Dan, you. And I think that's probably it.

Yeah. And that's the only three people who could be like, yes, I'm the Barstool guy. But I think everyone would answer yes. Yeah. Because we're all fucking pricks. My favorite would be Nate. The dog. The dog would be like,

well, yes I am. Would you like a picture? You want an autograph? Let's go fuck. So she says to you, the barstool guy, I say yes I am. She goes, no you're not.

Which is something that's been happening for the last like five years. It's like, if you're going to say that to me, you already have like a inkling. Right. And then I confirm it.

And you're like so shocked that you say no. And people have been like, no, you're not. Well, then what are we doing? Then go sit back down if you don't think I am. Why even bring this the fuck up? It's at a wedding. She says, are you the guy from Barstool or something like that? I said, yes.

And she said, no, you are not. And I said, yes, I am said yes i am and she goes no and i was like what do you want me to do i gotta pull up my instagram i guess like i don't care enough yeah right like you can go away this is affecting your life not mine uh and she's she says oh uh i can't believe it are you the barstool guy no and she goes you're dave portnoy? And I was like, oh, whoa, no, no, no. This is the girl at the bar. Yes. Yeah. So at the end of last week, which the last couple weeks here at Barstool has been quite a bit,

and she thinks I'm Dave Portnoy, and I was like, oh, no, no, no. I'm a different guy. The whole time, what I didn't realize was going on, John informed me afterwards. This story reminds me of when you see someone, when you see those videos from above of someone swimming in the ocean, and there's a fucking shark that's underneath them. There's a big shadow of a shark, and that person just has no idea. And they're blissfully just breast-stroking away

while everyone on the boat's like, come to me. It's okay, just come to me. Just come to me right now. It's fine, totally fine. So John tells me afterwards that this chick, she had a pint of beer. The fullest pint of beer I've ever seen in my entire life. To the fucking brim.

Like, she asked the bartender, I want it. I want it. Give me two beers. I want to spill it while I walk over to throw it on that guy. I want to make sure something splashes out. That's what I didn't realize. It was a hand. She was like this.

It was locked and loaded. She was like this. It was locked and loaded. She was like this. Talking to me. No, no, no, no, no. She wasn't. She was like this talking to me. Well, because I was. Oh, she had a bat?

It was. When I say locked and loaded, it was locked and loaded. I'm sitting here. She's talking to me and just has it ready. It was just like, all right, say the word, motherfucker. And honestly, I don't even think it was a beer. It wasn't foamy enough. I think it was like an angry orchard.

It would have been sticky all night. And she was ready to lace it on you. And the whole time, I was sitting there going like this. Man, never being a foxhole with Feidelberg. We're in full action Bronson on him again? Yeah. Sucking in that? Yeah. No, I was like, this is going to get wild.

It is. It is. It is the important, I swear. Everything that was happening. As soon as he asked, I was like, I don't know who he's asking about. I looked at the drink. I was like, oh, boy, he's not answering this question right. I was oblivious, man. I didn't get the Dave stuff.

I didn't see the beer, the Angry Orchard. I was soious, man. I didn't get the Dave stuff. I didn't see the beer. The Angry Orchard. I was so excited. I had my notebook out. I was like, perfect. We got a great start to the show now. Afterwards, I was thinking, man, I would have loved to show up at the show.

I wish he hit half of me. So I wish half of my hair was fucked up, half of my shirt was soaked, and I could just be like, so, let me tell you how I got you. I wish he did it just so I could have put on an acting performance. Like, whoa! I cannot

believe that just happened. This is crazy. Who does something like that? Who could have foreseen such an event? Oh my god. Wow, this chick's nuts. See something. Say something, people.

Man. And then the most embarrassing, insulting part of all, I'm like, you know what? I don't really even care that you accuse me of being him after all the accusations floating around. She goes to me, well, you do really look like him. And I was like, well, now I'm offended. Now I'm truly upset. You ruined my night now. You want to accuse me of being the guy getting accused?

Fine. You want to say I look like Dave? No, thank you. No, thank you. That still wouldn't have been the crazy thing that happened that night, though. And I don't know if you remember this because you acknowledge it in the moment, but I don't think we've talked about it since. There was a point. At one point in the show, we listed the top five ugliest crowds of people.

Oh, fuck. Two separate things happened in response to this. First of all, Kevin had on his list, Irish people, 100% pure Irish people. They're disgusting. Some dude in the crowd. Irish people are covered,

smeared in freckles, they're in breads, they run on potatoes. 100, I'm Irish, but I'm cut with the German. If you add something in there, we're a very good looking people.

Pure Irish, we are disgusting. So, they are disgusting. So some dude in the crowd yells out, I'm 100% Irish. And I was like, I don't think you are, man. He was like, hey, yo,

dude, I'm 100% Irish. Doesn't sound like it, man. And that man came up to me later at the meet and greet. Okay. And he said, what's up? I'm John. Oh, that was wild. It's nice to meet another John. And I was was like what are you talking

about dude it was insane john quite literally i would say is the most popular name in existence i googled is it it is the number one right it is the most popular first name in the united states of america ever of all time take a piss and hit another John. Yeah. And this guy was. It's like John and like Muhammad worldwide. That's it. With earnest.

He was. You overheard it. Yeah. He was genuinely like, it's nice to meet another John. I'm very happy to have finally met another John. I could not believe. Everywhere I go. It wasn't even like a, you know, sometimes you get a cheesy like, you know, like, Kevin,

hey, my name too. Great name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like small talk like that. But for John to be like, I finally have stumbled upon another John. An ever long quest. Oh, my God. Fucking complete.

Dude, so many people are so weird, man. People are just so weird. Dude, Pabst, your boy, I think, was fucking mic'd up for the meet and greet. He was vlogging or something. I think he was trying to get me got. What did he say? Your boy is a Muslim, and he multiple times came up to me and was like, why didn't you say Muslims in top five August Coups of People? And I was like,

I don't know, man. He's like, I would have said it. You should have said it. And I was like, I don't think that's how these words work, dude. I said the N-word. You should say it too. He's like, I would have said it. I would have stood up. I would have said you were right. And I was like, I would have never said that. I would have never said that Muslims

are an ugly group of people. And he's like, well, you should have. You would have been right. And right and i was like dude you need to stop talking to me or at least let me see your phone so i know you're not recording any of this he goes to he goes to me after he said that he goes bro you better uh your job's in jeopardy because finalberg thinks i'm hilarious yeah when someone's being super offensive, you just keep laughing. Like, ah, yeah, totally, totally. I'm like, I guarantee you, he did not find that funny. No, no, no, no, no. He was absolutely crying, bro.

Bro, he was fucking making, he was like, I would have stood up and I would have yelled. And he starts yelling stereotypically Arab noises. And I was like, dude, the fact that you're a Muslim and I'm still thinking this is offensive is pretty fucked up. Was he the short one? Was he the tiny one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was insane, too. We're taking a picture.

And honestly, it was like Arrested Development with Martin Short. Where he's got the surrogate carrying him. They all step in. And he goes, let's take a picture, guys. Let's be. And his two buddies put his arms around him and hook his legs because he's the short one of the group now your boy is not tall by any means but he's like five six like he's short but he can take a photograph girls take pictures with guys all the time

and they're like five feet tall these two dudes nick asked me to run back all the equipment back to the office. So I wasn't there for the beginning of it. You could ask Zah. I was with Zah the whole time. How anxious I was because I'm leaving those two idiots with fights and Kevin. I can't imagine what they're going to do. That is a bad feeling.

And it lived up to the hype. Your job's in jeopardy because part of what things I'm hilarious about. Everyone's an idiot. Just kept yelling Allah, Wakbar at me. That is great. Only on a live show, man. The live show. When we were, we did our segment,

shit our lawyers don't want Us to Say on the Podcast, and in the middle of doing it at the live show – because we listed out the things we were going to play, the clips we were going to show. We didn't play them or go through them. And I was like, I don't think we should be doing this at a live show either. I don't think we can do these anywhere, bro. I was falling out of my skin.

That was a lot, man. We got to find a way to – I mean, you got to come to the show to see these things. But if I almost, we need like a Barstool Gold. We got to start a Patreon or something where we can play these for the fucking diehard. Can I just leave the stage for it in the future? Just go sit in the ground. Be a part of it. No, I mean like leave the building.

Leave the quiet room. Put me in the baby in a quiet place. It's tough listening to yourself do anything it's really tough listening to yourself like say just things you shouldn't be saying

yeah it's like as I said during the show where it's like it's like if you fucking jerked off and then they're like

you're like that was disgusting but you know it was fucking fine at least it's done and they're like alright time to run the tape back

watch it yeah right like ew that's what I look like? That's what I sound like? That's what it looks like? Gross! What would you, what's the last thing you would want to watch yourself do?

Is it jerk off? Nah. Take a shit? I jerk off pretty sensually. What does that mean? It's a lie. I'll tell you that. It's like, slow. I jerk off like a god

and his laugh's like a drowning. It's flailing and it's a cry for help. Water coming out of your nose. he's gargling he just hopes it dies fast I don't know what's worse that or sensual I think I'd rather see that if I walked in and you were like

oh my god straight eye contact I'd rather see you drown or the worst thing imagine if you were sensually coming if you were just like oh he's doing it to me right now folks

he's jerking off a water bottle looking right at me. I cut to the wide shot. It's not pretty. No, it cannot be. And I know what he's going to do. He's going to do it too long. Like, he's committed to this now.

It's going to be like a family guy bit where it goes too long, and then it's not funny, and then it becomes funny again. He's going to do this for another three to four minutes. It's going to be a long time of John jerking off right now. Can I tell you a little secret? Mm-hmm. Are you getting chubbed up over there? Yeah, like the bottle going into me is feeling good.

John's going to actually come, and I'm not going to look. I might have to stop so I don't. The only thing that can get me to stop jerking off right now is the threat of coming. Are you crying? He's got tears down his nose. Come on the other side. He's got fucking tears while he big jerks off. This is how I always do it.

Big shit. That's just Pavlovian. Jackie, go set up ATI. Yeah. I don't know what's happening. Whenever my dick gets a little chub, I immediately start crying. I don't know. The whole day, though.

I feel like I'm in a fever dream. We started off with school shootings. Now you're simulating masturbation and crying. I don't know. I need like an inception token. I need to spin my top. Figure out what's going on. Find out if I'm in reality or not.

What is going on? I don't know. It's pretty crazy, though. Today we've got Max Greenfield on the show, and that fits perfectly because that interview was even more off the fucking walls than this podcast has been. Poor Max was probably looking at his publicist off the Zoom, like, what the fuck is going on? What are we doing here? We've been talking about corduroy for 10 minutes.

I think the problem is once you get comfortable with us, or once we get comfortable with you, and Max has been on a few times, it's no longer an interview. Yeah. It was just, we're just having a conversation. We're just hanging out. And if we want to talk about Corduroy for 10 minutes, Guess what? Hanging out with us is insufferable.

Once you class a professional relationship into personal, it's fucking hell being friends with us. So true, man. It's like, oh, I liked him better when they didn't know me. Bro, you want to know what conversation me and my friends had this weekend for like 10 minutes, maybe longer? It was a long time. You know how on Saturday it started hailing?

It was a real bad hailstorm. Yeah, I missed this, but yes, I heard about it. So we were about to leave a bar, and we hunkered down in the bar. It was in a basement bar. It was my kind of bar. And then for like, I don about it. We were about to leave a bar and we hunkered down in the bar. It was in a basement bar. It's my kind of bar. And then for like, I don't know, until however long the hail lasted, we just in detail described the Nazis as ignoring all of the anti-Semitism and hatred of everybody.

And we just talked about them as the people who really disliked the Jones family. Like, they just hated Indiana Jones and his family. And they just did everything in their power to upset the Joneses. And I was in absolute fucking

tears. I will say this about your crew. Because we've had this conversation before where we say like, you know, I think that I have the funniest friends alive. But so do you. And so does she. And so does he. You have

when you and your friends get going it's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard and witnessed. And I could see that. The three of you just going like... It was almost like, you heard about Gerbos? Like, oh yeah, the guy who just couldn't stand archaeology? That is...

And that probably went on for like half an hour. Just like, how many dumb Indiana Jones Nazi jokes? Hitler hated anyone in a messenger bag. Be honest, dude. If you put a leather jacket and a fucking cowboy hat on, Hitler was coming for you because you reminded him of Indiana Jones. It is a manic Monday over here for your boy, Vice. Look at this man. He's looking around.

No, I'm pointing at you. I'm pointing at you, motherfucker. Look at this man. He's looking around. No, I'm pointing at you. I'm pointing at you, motherfucker. Look at yourself right now. Look at you. Sound like you're jerking off. Jesus Christ. I'm not drowning enough to be jerking off. Holy fucking moly, man.

So, Matt Green failed on the show. We'll also get into our video voicemails. What'd you guys think of the show? Oh, I think that's the best one. I thought that was our best show. Yeah. Yeah. Without a doubt.

I think that was our tightest show. We actually kind of got screwed. You know who I forgot? And maybe we could do it today. Unfortunately, we never got to the most handsome man alive, Jeremy Cohen's video voicemail. actually kind of got screwed you know who i forgot and maybe we could do it today unfortunately we never got to handsome most handsome man alive jeremy cohen's uh video voicemail oh yeah i thought it just didn't come no i got him um i don't know if he came but i got him he uh we we got we we started late so we had a hard out for the second show but people were still filing in we

ended up having like a sellout. So the line was long outside the door. So they were trying to seat everybody. And so we were like 10 or 15 minutes delayed, but we didn't get to tack on 10 or 15 minutes on the end. So we had to, you know, cut some corners on the show and I didn't get to play a hot Jeremy. So we have his voicemail and they're actually, for that handsome of a guy, they're good. They're thoughtful.

They're funny. It's like, man, this guy, he's fucking gorgeous and probably sucks great dick and is brilliant and is super clever. So we'll get to those. But, yeah, I mean, I thought that all things considered, that was our best show. And I think that now we kind of know the formula going forward to include bits from previous episodes and characters that we met along the way. I feel like we'll hit our stride.

We got March. We got Boston in March. I have to go with you because I had three empty seats in front of me, and it's all I thought about. Oh, that's right. This fucking guy. Do you guys know this? John thought that Friday night was like an abject failure.

Why? Because he's a dumb fucking depressed idiot. I walked downstairs and I was like, I'm going to quit. This is why this podcast is fucking me up. I meant to like lead the show off with this. It's one of the most. I knew you did. I didn't let you because I still feel bad about it. I feel like you're all lying to me.

I feel like I'm on Truman Show shit. It's crazy. So I walked off stage. You know me. Usually I'm fucking sweating and I'm nervous and I'm my own worst critic. And I walked off being like, that was the most successful thing I've ever done in my career. Like, that was the most, like, the best production that we've ever put on in our world ever. I thought it was like, we sold the place out.

I don't believe you. I believe you. I just, I still feel like you're lying to me. We sold the place out. We had, like, every segment planned. We hit, like, from a time point of view. Every time I looked at my phone, it was like perfect timing, perfect timing. We closed out strong with the garbage guys. We had ovations.

Even like our dumb things like the flip cup with milk went well. Usually we try some gimmicks that kind of like, ah, I missed the mark. Everything was perfect in front of like almost 350 people at the New York City Comedy Festival. And I text him afterwards being like, man, like great night for us. And he was like, really? What? All because there was like three empty seats in the front, which I think was because I think there was a reserve mix up because I reserved the left side for our guests to be able to just come right up. And I think they reserved the front side for our guests to be able to just come right up. And I think they reserved

the front side as well. The right side as well. I don't know why there would have been any empty seats there because it was first come first serve and it was basically a sellout. So John was just looking at the empty seats in front of him and just assumed that that meant the whole fucking place was empty.

And walked out of there being like, we bombed. I was like floored. I was like, it's like you're telling me the sky is yellow. It's like we won the lottery and you're being like, ah, nah, who cares. I couldn't. I was like, I actually felt bad because I was like, I know there's no way I can convince him. But how could I possibly get him to believe? Like, what can I say to make him realize that that was

the best night of our careers? I had eight friends come and they'd never listened before and they were like, wait, should I listen to KFC radio? It's really funny. After the meet and greet, everybody, we had a ton of girlfriends get dragged there. We had a ton of first timers. We had a bunch of solo people. Everybody was like,

that was amazing. Most importantly, we had a bunch of people. Everybody was like, that was amazing. Most importantly, we had a bunch of people who came to Do you think I had the money to pay people off to lie to you? I had people who went to almost all of our shows so far and were like, this one was by far the best.

So if you thought that any of the other ones were good, this one blew it out of the I can't, it's crazy to me. This is how I know you're an actual crazy person. I was out of the... I can't... It's crazy to me. It's like... This is how I know you're an actual crazy person. I was like, what? I don't even like talking about it because I don't... I don't...

I don't think it was a failure or anything like that. It's just like those seats fucked me up and that's all... Still all that. And then that was what was crazy was because I thought he had a particularly strong performance. So knowing that he was in his head the whole time, I'm like, well, what are you going to be like when you're fucking when you're confident and you feel like you're rolling? It was, it's actually Did you notice I pulled my hat down so I

couldn't see? I did the whole show like this. I was wearing a hat with a brim, not this hat. But I had like my brim down like this the whole show. Dude, don't you remember when you were getting loud pops? No, not at all. I mean, what do you mean? You just didn't hear it?

I guess not. I don't even like talking about this because I know I sound like a fucking loser. No, it's interesting how much, how many... It's also probably not the best way to market future shows, being like, John thinks it sucks. No, it is. And I, John thinks it sucks. No, it is. And I don't think it sucks.

I think you were It's the perfect way to market it because you're the dumb, sad boy moron and it translates on stage. It's almost like

it's like a experiment or a testament to how much people can view things differently, I guess. I thought that was an undeniable

success. The garbage guys were like, the agents were gushing, garbage guys were gushing, girls, guys, I couldn't... You're crazy stupid. I had random fans DMing me. I had random fans DMing me about how good of a show it was.

No one follows me on Instagram. I was like, yeah, it was awesome. And this fucker was crying himself to sleep jerking off. We had the fucking lighting and sound guys who did not have much of personality fucking cracking up during the entire thing. Yeah, that was the milk guy. He was mad at us, and he still liked the show. You're a fucking dummy. That's good. I'm glad that. thing. Yeah, that was the milk guy. He was mad at us, and he still liked the show. You're a fucking dummy.

That's good. I'm glad that, for some reason, that hit. Guys in Carhartt like me? Good. How could you think that there was any downside to that show when we got the first ever edition, live edition, of Jacked Up! Jacked Up.

Jacked Up! We got a special Thursday night football, Friday night edition of Jacked Up, where Jackie covered the Dolphins, Ravens. I couldn't really hear you well at one point, but I think you said something along the lines of, I don't even know what happened in this game, and the crowd just started dying. Jackie came out, of the four people who are KFC Radio employees and were on stage that night, the two least confident were you and I. Absolutely.

Zach and Jackie came out. Zach with his earrings just dangling around. He's like, I'm so hot. Jackie came out like, I'm here. Welcome to the Jackie Show. Thanks for the opener, KFC Radio. It's time for Jacked Up. Everyone give it up.

Give it up for your openers. They're great. Is that me? Is that my mic? Everybody wants a little jacked up. So, and I tell you, I mean it sincerely, yet again, not a single snap watched by your boys. So I'm relying on you for all of my football

information for week 11? 10. Week 10? Do you purposely get them all? I really don't. I can't ever keep up. We got three minutes on the clock. Week 10. Let's

get jacked up! Trying to go no notes again. No notes. Okay. Jets, Bills. Always start with the Jets. Mike White, bad, as you covered. Stephon Diggs, good.

Josh Allen, back, I think. What was the final score of that game? 45-7. Was every game this weekend a bloodbath? All it was was a pass. Was every game a bloodbath? Because I'm monogamous. The Jets have given up something like 400 points in the last two games.

It's something insane. It was 45-10. I know the fucking Falcons was a bloodbath. We'll play them next weekend. The 45-17? Is that what it was? Yeah. 45-17, just an absolute massacre.

Any other notes on the Jets there? How did Mike White play? Not well. Four interceptions or picks. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. And like a really tough third quarter. Just altogether not great.

Not great. Not great at all for the Jets. Good for the Bills though. And I think, yeah. Okay, and then fights for you. Downside, Brady. Not good. Not good.

That's all right. My other two teams won. But, yeah. Patriots blew out the... Same color as their shirt, but not the same color. Oh, the Browns. Yeah. Yeah, big blowout there.

Oh, Chiefs back. Patrick Mahomes back. Who was not in the building? Jackson Mahomes, not there. Oh? Jackson Mahomes, not there. Oh, Jackson Mahomes was not in the building. The curse of Jackson. TikTok boy, not in the building. Oh, I also have another.

Please tell me you have a tickling thing. I have another idea for how to win. Another revolutionary idea. In this one, I don't think it's revolutionary. What? I can't believe that there's... That was on camera. We're interrupting Jacked Up too much.

Jacked Up, go! I don't think this is very revolutionary, but I really just don't see how this can't work. The quarterback has the ball, yeah? Everybody else circles around him and holds hands. Right. And then they all just shuffle down the field together.

Mm-hmm. But nobody can get in the circle. And then if somehow somebody gets in the circle, then you just close the circle up so that they can't get out of the circle. But they don't want to get out of the circle. They don't want to tackle the quarterback. They don't want to tackle the quarterback at all. Okay, but then they can't do anything.

They can't. But as soon as you hit the ground, it's over But that's like the fail-proof plan Like they're not going to get in the circle Because they're all holding hands Well, like, okay, what if Me and John are going to hold hands, right? Around the quarterback? Yeah

Like what if somebody just goes underneath you? No, no, no, no, no You get really big guys And you just, it's a tight circle Maybe they're all like hugging or something like that. Oh, so everybody hugs each other. Okay, new plan. Almost like those penguins. You ever see the penguins that

huddle around? Or it's like a bird formation in like a president. Like a flying V. The flying V. So it's almost like, oh, what if they did this? What if they have a line, like they form form of wall in front? And then the quarterback's behind it.

Do now. Yeah. Oh, you tried to get in there. It's called an offensive line, Jackie. They do it. No, but that's where they screw up. It's because they're not good at that. Like, also, nobody, like, just.

To be fair, she's watching the Jets game, right? So, I mean, I get it, trying to come up with a whole new idea because that offensive line sucks! I also just think that everybody just needs to run faster. Like, it's crazy that, like, they just... She's got some pretty good ideas. No, be... Stop being slow.

Just, like, be better. What about when they, like, hand them the ball and they just, like, run into the defense? You know what I mean? Like, they just, like, run right into the guy trying to tackle him. They should stop doing that, too, right? Wait, when they hand them the ball... Yeah! Yeah,? They just run right into the guy trying to tackle him. They should stop doing that, too, right? Wait, when they hand them the ball? Yeah.

Yeah, just run around the guy trying to tackle him. Or it's like when they throw it. I mean, it's just like there shouldn't be interceptions. It's the NFL. It's just the NFL. It shouldn't be happening. You threw it to the wrong team. It's like high school, fine.

College, fine. NFL, no. Don't be doing that anymore. That was so sincere. Jackie should be a coach. You're an NFL quarterback. Throw picks? No.

It's unacceptable. Okay, I said no-no's, but I'm just going to take a little peek. Tell me a little something about Steelers-Lions. Oh, tie. A tie shouldn't be happening for the Steelers. High school? Sure. College?

Sure. NFL? NFL, there should not be ties, especially against the Lions. Very embarrassing for them in general. Good for the Lions, I guess. I mean, it's better than a loss because they didn't lose. What's tying like? What's tying like? Oh, it was in overtime, too.

They win in overtime. What do you mean, what's tying like? It's a popular phrase. You guys always give me these phrases. It's like doing something to a family member. Because you don't get satisfaction out of it. It's weird. It feels weird.

She's not going to do this one. It's kissing your sister okay you weren't gonna get that i wasn't gonna get that it's like yeah it's gross i don't get it though i i i never really got it too it's not fair you can't say you don't get it because i'm going to explain it and we don't get it either it's like it's like something that like shouldn't happen and you kind of but it's so extreme because like you really really shouldn't kiss your sister. I think it's more that it's technically kind of a good thing, but in this instance, it's a bad thing. Oh, yeah, right.

But I mean, I think it should be more like tying is like kissing a dead person. I feel like there's so many other unsatisfactory feelings other than kissing your sister. Like it needs to be... Like... How about you reinvent that? Tying is like... Tying is like...

Tying is like hooking up with a friend for the first time that you think it's a good idea yeah and it's not but it's like hey i had sex that doesn't that was super doesn't roll off the tongue at all yeah no it's a big long explanation maybe i'll think about that i'll think i'll come up with the better one at some point um but yeah but then they tied over time and it was just it was just like a bad game like nobody like wanted to win the game yeah. That's not my thought at all.

And then, yeah. Oh, Bucs. Bucs, Washington football team. Go for the Washington football team. Drive at the end. 19 plays. 80 yards. Wow.

Four third downs and one fourth down, I think, at the end there. Nice. And that's it. Wow. That was special. That was a great one. I yet again have another revolutionary idea plus just that clip.

I don't think you guys are understanding how What about the Panthers? You see what happened with the Panthers? The panties? The panties? I don't like that at all. Very uncomfortable. I like them. I was going to say, wait, have you actually said that into a mic before? You've been trying to make that happen, but it's not been on camera.

The panties? Oh, that's, I didn't know that one. I say panties all the time. Oh, no, I say underpants more. But you don't say it in terms of the Panthers. Yeah, she does. Oh, I think it's definitely panties. Which also. Okay, my head went underpants.

Wait, you're trying to make panties for the Panthers but not panties for your underwear, right? No, for the Panthers. You don't call it that. You just call it underwear, right? No, no, no, I do not. Yeah. It's disgusting.

The panties? Oh, I hate when he says it. Yeah, I don't like when he says it. Because he always goes panties. Yeah. He makes his A go like... Oh, I love Cam Newton's panties. But you want to call the Panthers the panties?

Wait, which also leads to another idea that I have. Or not idea at all, but I just... They're like little leggings. They have like underwear lines in it, which is like in the crotch or whatever. Wait, what are you talking about? Like football uniforms? Like, yeah, they're like little legging...

What are they? I don't know what they're called. Football pants. The football pants. They're leggings. They have like weird line... I just think that they need cuter pants. In general.

Long story short, need cuter pants. They have some pads in them. And then you wear a drop. Their crotch looks like they have granny panties under. It's not flattering. Go back to the white ones, Mike. The white Nike ones. Or those ones.

Like that. Right there. How it has white Nike ones. Yeah, or those ones. Like that. No, no, no. Like how it has that pouch almost. Yeah, but the pouch, but like... I don't know how to describe it. They just gotta be cuter pants. They're like not flattering on... You know, like get Lululemon to work on something. But I forgot.

Oh, the Panthers. Who played quarterback for them? Well, long hair. Yeah, long hair. Trevor. No. Tyler. No.

Let's keep going. You're not close. You're about as far away as you can be right now. Can you give me a letter? Starts with a C. Craig. Somehow getting further, I think. Rhymes with Ram.

Cram. Yes. Ram. First name Cram. Second name. Oh, Cam Newton. Yeah, there we go. He started for them. That's a big deal because he came back to them. He used to play for them and he's back to them. Oh, I missed that. He scored a touchdown. So yeah. There we go. He started for them. That's a big deal because he came back to them. He used to play for them, and he's back to them. Oh, I missed that.

And he scored a touchdown. So, yeah. Jacked up. Jacked up. Week 10 in the books. Make sure you get your stickers. It's not about the sticker. It's about the movement.

It's a revolution, my friends. The number one Tuesday afternoon football analyst in the world, Jackie. Make sure you get your jacked up stickers. Jacked up! Let's go on to top fives? No. Yes. Top five today is brought to you by Roman. Top five hardest boner I've ever had is

courtesy of Roman. Yeah? And it's like the top four are like when I was 16 years old, you know? And then one time Mine is courtesy of prolonged eye contact with you. Yeah, listen, not everyone has access to these baby blues, you know? You can't just

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This week we're doing misheard lyrics, something I've, I've chronicled and kept tabs of pretty much my whole life. After I, I was in high school. I don't listen to music. Well, even you saying that blows my mind.

Well, it's not like I like listen. I don't like listen. I mean more like I keep track of when I hear or see people get things wrong. Like this all started for me. My senior year of high school. When, uh,

my friend Annie, we were like at the bar and she's dancing and Lil Jon's on and she's going snap your bagels do you stay and she kept saying snap your bagels like as confidently as possible snap your bagels

and I was like what she's like yeah snap your bagels and I was like it's fingers snap your's like, yeah, snap your bagels. And I was like, it's fingers. Snap your fingers. What would snap the bread make any sense? So ever since then, I was like, man, just thinking about how many times people are out there, you know, singing the wrong words or not understanding the lyrics.

And there's a lot of them. Dude, I've done it. So what we're going to do, Kevin's going to do his top five, and I'm going to voice my opinions on them. because I don't have any. Because I listen to the lyrics so little that one time I sent a song to a girlfriend. Oh, no. Saying this song reminds me of you. I hadn't even read the title of the song.

What was it about? It was called Girlfriend in a Coma by the Smiths. No way. Yes, sir. You legit sent a song called Girlfriend in a Coma? I was like, this song reminds me of you. Girlfriend in a Coma by the Smiths. No way. Yes, sir. You legit sent a song called Girlfriend in a Coma? I was like, this song reminds me of you. Girlfriend in a Coma? Girlfriend in a Coma, I know, I know.

It's serious. It's a great song. I was like, this song's awesome. It reminds me of you. I didn't even realize the whole song was about a girlfriend getting in a car accident and dying in the hospital. And then I sent another song to a- Are you fucking-

Are you an idiot? I sent another song to a platonic friend who is the... I'm going to try and restart that. Navigate this one? I know I'm going to have to drop platonic.

Um... And I sent another I know I'm going to have to drop platonic. And I sent another song to a friend that was, I was like, hey, like, just, you know, listen to the song. It reminds me of you again. This song was just because the only reason I said it to her because they speak Spanish in the song and she's Spanish. And I didn't notice that this one was fucking Ed Sheeran's South of the Border, where it's all just about eating pussy and fucking. It's like aggressive pussy eating. And it wasn't someone you were eating their pussy? No, it wasn't someone's pussy I was eating, Kevin.

Just like this song reminds me of you. Why don't you listen to this fucking song about eating pussy? What the fuck, man? That's how little I listen to lyrics. But you're a Taylor Swift fan. Yeah, well, Taylor, I listen. I'm monogamous with Taylor Swift. Okay, well then, for our first pick here today,

I'll go with the greatest one of the modern era, Lonely Starbucks Lovers. Excuse me? Yeah. What is it? You don't know Lonely Starbucks Lovers? No. Who sings it? Taylor Swift. Fucking,. What is it? You don't know Lonely Starbucks Lovers? No. Who sings it?

Taylor Swift. Fucking, which song is it? Got a lonely Starbucks lovers. It's a long list of ex-lovers. Oh, yeah, no, I don't miss your Taylor Swift lyrics. I listened to them the first time as I scrolled Genius. I have annotations and marginalia on my fucking Taylor Swift lyrics. She even tweeted it out. her mom thought it was Starbucks lovers

Taylor Swift tweeted it out like last year this song was my ringtone forever literally the first line of my ringtone was got a long list of ex-lovers let me tell you why I'm insane lonely Starbucks lovers this is my favorite

Taylor Swift song. Blank Spaces? Yeah. I feel like that's a very surprising pick. Like, that's like a rookie pick. Blank Spaces?

Yeah. Nah. This is a great song, great video. I think she, I think at one point she tweeted out a cup of, like, Starbucks

or, like, on Valentine's Day or something she said, like, shout out to all my lonely Starbucks lovers. This sounds like something that was fucking put out there by Big Coffee. By Big Starbucks trying to make this shit happen. I remember hearing it though thinking that she said Starbucks lovers.

Or then I thought it was like star-crossed lovers or whatever. But just long list of ex-lovers, right? Yeah. And yeah, we know Taylor because you never fucking stop talking about it see i i think that the uh we're not gonna get the whole tell us something let's go number four uh number four uh we'll play we got to play this we'll have to blur it out um this is a mind fuck i'm not even gonna call this a misheard lyric i'm gonna call this subliminal messaging okay this is ti and rihanna oh i know your life uh because i'm a paper chaser right that is like clear as day because i'm a paper chaser live your life i never doubted it for one fucking second i

heard that one i knew those words from Jump Street. Then somebody made a version of YouTube where they just write the words out as they sing. I remember hearing someone say, did you hear the song where Rihanna says, I'm a big fucking slut? I was like, what? There was no song

where Rihanna says, I'm a big fucking slut. They play this. Do you have it queued up? I'm a big fucking slut. And they play this. Do you have it queued up? Cause I'm a big fucking slut. Live your life. It's nuts. This one, I did know about this one. It's wild. It's like so clear.

You sing along with it and then go right back to Paper Chaser and a lot of times you're like, oh, I can hear that. But like, how does Paper Chaser and Big Fucking Slut all go how does paper chaser and big fucking slut all go together cause I'm a big fucking slut and anytime that I mean imagine if Rihanna

imagine if she was like no no that's those were the lyrics imagine we're all singing paper chaser she's like no no no my number three on the list um we'll go with an all-time classic that kicked off this. I did a

mail time like 10 years ago on this. All because a bunch of people tweeted me and said that they thought Waterfalls by TLC was Jason Waterfalls. Go, go

Jason Waterfalls. Go, go, Jason Waterfalls. That dude sounds like Power Ranger. Jason Waterfalls? Yeah. With a go-go in the name, that's a Power Ranger. Go, go, Jason Waterfalls. Now, to be fair, it's kind of one of those things like, what does chasing waterfalls really mean?

A lot of times music is abstract, so that's why these things end up happening. But Jason Waterfalls, you've got to be a dumb motherfucker to think that that song is about a guy named Jason Waterfalls. I'm on team whatever. Team Go-Go Jason Waterfalls? Team Go-Go Jason Waterfalls. Team your friend. Is this one of your friends?

No, this was like the internet. This was the internet. The internet. My friend was Snap Your Bagels. Yes. Snap Your Bagels! Do you stay? Number four on the list is, I'm picking one thing here.

This personally blew my mind a few years ago. Because this was one, like if you put a gun to my head, I would have been like, no, no, no, this is the answer. Like, I was actually at a karaoke bar and saw the words come across, and I was like, ah, they fucked up. Like, the machine's wrong. That's not the right words. It's like, no, yes, it is.

You're just the idiot. Jeremy by Pearl Jam. I feel like fucking, I forget the Pearl Jam guy's name. So Eddie Vedder. Speaking of songs about school shooters. Yeah, yeah. Eddie Vedder, most of his words could be any words. Yellow Lead Vedder is, you ever heard that song?

It's just absolute gobbledygook. He's admitted like those aren't words. They're not words. He just sings it different every single time. It's crazy. It's just like. It's like fucking completely... Mark was saying that too. Yeah.

What he does crazy in poker. It's so hard to sing along. But that stuff is actual skibbity bop bop scat stuff, you know? Yellow Leadbetter is allegedly words. Like, I don't even know what the fucking title means. What does Yellow Leadbetter even fucking mean? I used to know. I don't even know what the fucking title means was it yellow lead better even fucking mean I used to know I don't anymore

so this is kind of like a all everything for Eddie Vedder here because there's a million it's not misheard lyrics it's just like I don't fucking know lyrics but I thought I thought it was Jeremy's spoken like Jeremy apostrophe S like Jeremy

has spoken and then he just went like hey but it's Jeremy's Jeremy spoke in class today and I had

no fucking clue of that I thought it was just Jeremy spoken Jeremy has spoken spoken that's what I so I thought it was

yeah that's what I thought it was I'm learning right now yeah it's Jeremy spoke in class today like he lit you motherfuckers up that's how Jeremy spoke what I thought it was he's spoken no I'm learning right now. Yeah. That's not what it is. Okay. It's Jeremy spoke in class today. Like, he lit you motherfuckers up. That's how Jeremy spoke.

What? I thought it was he spoken. No, I'm definitely learning that right now. And then even once I learned that it was about school shooters, I was like, it still makes sense. Like, Jeremy's spoken. Like, he has spoken. He fucking killed all you guys.

But spoke in class today. Very nice. Good episode for school shooters. Yeah. Big time school shooter episode. Maybe we'll just light this place up and finish it off. Jeremy Spokane! Spokane!

Jeremy Spokane! That's the other thing. I just thought he was going, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, not in class today. Fucking enunciate, Eddie Vedder, on your school shooter shit. And then, last one here.

I'll go. You have multis? Well, there's one from Blinded by the Light. Woke up like a douche. Yeah, revved up like a douche it really sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's wrapped up like a douche. Doucer, I Yeah, yeah. But it's wrapped up like a douche. Douche-er, I think.

Yeah, and it's like, I don't even know what the real lyrics are. Yeah, I don't know either. But we'll go with that one. Blinded by the light. I always thought it was douche-er in the middle of the night.

Revved up like a douche, it's like, it really fucking sounds like that. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what wrapped up like a douche means. Blinded by the Light or Paradise by the Dashboard

or whatever. Right? Those are the same song? No. No. One's Meatloaf. One is that guy everyone likes,

Bruce Springsteen. Jesus. Yeah, not a Bruce Springsteen guy. Clearly. This guy, that was genuine. Everyone sucks his dick

all the time. I don't get it. I like Bruce. That was. I'm not like a Bruce Diehard, but I'd certainly never disrespect the man

by saying that guy everyone likes. Bruce Springsteen. If he paused right there after that guy everybody likes, like one of the last people I think was

coming out of his mouth was Bruce Springsteen. You say that about whether or not you like the guy, you say that about like someone who like, I don't know,

barely cracks the charts. You know what I mean? You know that guy who had that one hit? This motherfucker says the guy everyone likes, Bruce Springsteen. But which one does Springsteen sing? Blinded by the Light. Meatloaf is Paradise by the Dashboard. Yeah, but it's Paradise by the Dashboard.

The other one I was going to go with, mention is, and I never heard this one, but a lot of people said it, Empire State of Mind, because it just doesn't make any sense. Concrete Jungle, Where Dreams Are Made Of just makes like total sense to me. And a lot of people say Wet Dream Tomato. Concrete Jungle, Wet Dream Tomato, or Wintry Tomato. And I just, I'm like, you guys just aren't even trying to listen for the words like at all there was a concrete jungle wet dream tomato there's nothing you can't now to be fair you know with some of these fucking videos you'll see out here on the internet wet

wet tree oh whatever that's top five we're done we gotta talk i was just gonna say real quick that the i'm the same i i could i don't can't really relate to this topic i was doing research today Whatever. That's top five. We're done. We gotta talk. I was just gonna say real quick that the... I'm gonna say... I can't really relate to this topic. I was doing research today and I was trying to find funny, like, misrelated... I was trying to steal anything, but ones that would, you know, shoot memories into me. Oh yeah, that one is one I had.

Number one is we built a city on sausage rolls. Yeah, like, what? No, that's not true. I believe in miracles, you sexy thing is i remove umbilicals yeah no i think i looked at that exact list i i got i wanted i wanted one to be true getting jiggy with it said um like kicking kicking chickens with it or something like that and i wanted it to be true because like if you listen for it you could hear it and you couldn't hear it video voicemails today are brought to you by SimpliSafe. Now, if you

were at our live show this weekend or saw us promoting it, you know that we had Skyler, we had the Milk Girls, and we had Joe. Joe never did a video voicemail, but the other two did well-done video voicemails. And it's a great way to, you know, if you want to be a part of our show

or become a part of the KFC radio history or just get involved with your favorite podcast, video voicemails, you get your name and your face out there. It's been a much more direct way to connect with our fans. So if you want to try to be a part of the show or get into our next live show or just get your Instagram account out there, whatever, video voicemails are kind of a great way to just, you know, the next level of being interactive with me and John.

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I love the bones you're picking. I'd love to pick a bone. Okay. Simply Safe. Bone to pick here. You know the picture of me in the executioner mask with the mustache coming out? Yes. Yeah.

It was ridiculous, right? Yes. Funny stuff. Simply Safe has a guy. Their commercial's on Hulu. Looks like that. He just, why didn't you have me do it? Why didn't you hire me to do it?

It's a guy in a robber's mask with an orange fucking mustache, and he's just the likable guy in the neighborhood who tells people about their SimpliSafe and stuff like that. I fucking do this. You know what? I do. Why didn't you just have me do it? I do this.

So let me just say, quickly, we need to get into a SimpliSafe commercial. Tank Sinatra was in a home security commercial. We got to get into it. Second of all, the commercial will be about this friendly neighborhood guy who goes around telling people all about it, but then he's the burglar. Yeah. And he's got the executioner on, and everyone goes, it was nice, John. No, he is the burglar. Oh, he is. He goes around telling people all about it, but then he's the burglar. Yeah. And he's got the execution mask on and everyone goes, it was nice John. No, he is the burglar.

Oh, he is. He goes around telling people. I forget the concepts of it. Got it, got it. He's in a burglar mask. He's not in an execution mask. He's in a burglar, like a robber mask.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's got the red mustache coming out and I'm like, that's... But are you saying... Yeah, this guy, Adelman Robert. Oh, so no, no.

Oh, Robert. I got it. So what we're going to do is make a real life version of this though. This fucking guy, this is just, I could do that. I could be this guy. Oh, you could definitely do this.

You could definitely be this guy. Come on, Simply Safe. And here's what I don't get. Legitimately, truly, Simply Safe does this with John Feidelberg, and this commercial goes viral. You know? Like, don't do this with some dumb jackass. Look at that guy.

Where's the executioner? I'm sure he's a very nice man. No, I'm sure he's not. I'm sure he sucks. You would look exactly like that. Except youass look at that guy where's the very nice man no i'm sure he's not you would look exactly like that except you look at that what a pause by babs that is you and you yeah it's like okay you could do that and also just have hundreds of thousands of people like take screenshots and tweet it and post it makes a lot of sense ro Robert. Sir, Sir, Sir Robert. I, you had another doppelganger this weekend in, and so what I decided to do in honor of another Feidelberg doppelganger, we're going to drop another koala hoodie. So, so we had the koala Berg hoodie drop because there's that one koala hoodie so so we had the uh koala berg um hoodie drop because there's that one

uh koala that looks just like you the one crazy koala did you really were you doing it on purpose earlier earlier you were doing it earlier yeah no not even that one okay uh can somebody just mark down because i want i want to see if there was cameras on both of us i think it was when you were trying to work the audio of the TV. John was just sitting there going. And I saw him and I didn't want to give him attention like a little baby. I was like, don't mention it. Don't react.

He won't fucking know. Disgusting. But now we have a new crazy koala. It's Knollage. He's in the tub with his light bulb going off because he's having a shower thought. And because every time there's a Feidelberg variant, every time there's a Feidelberg lookalike, we will put out a new koala hoodie. So get ready.

If you like the koala hoodies, there's going to be plenty because John pops out new fucking variants every goddamn day. Okay. Video voicemails. Let's go. Yo, KFC, Fights, Jackie, Zach. Sunburn. Fuck.

What's the other kid's name? The young fuck. I don't know. Anyways, so I'm a golf pro at a golf course, and there's certain things that just like fuck some of some of my co-workers do that i'm just like every day just pisses me off so much anyways my question is i know you're in like a different kind of industry you know barstool is like kind of on its own but kfc i know you coming from the uh

coming from the from the fucking cubes there's got to be something that your co-workers do every day that like you're just like what what the fuck man so i'm just wondering what uh what's something that your co-workers do on a daily basis Something you see around the office on a daily basis that you're just like... What's crazy to me is everybody has this feeling, but that means you're one of them too. Oh, you have something you do? Yeah. For sure.

What is it? I don't even know you. I don't have anyone here. My answer would have been, I don't know know you. I don't have anyone here. My answer would have been, I don't know, sing randomly or fall asleep. Who specifically did that? Frank Tank does both. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For sure. For sure. The fucking, I don't know what my answer would be for, I don't really know, because I don't really interact with enough people. Yeah, like we're in here a lot. I'm trying to think of when I'm out by the pantry, when I'm out in the kitchen, I mean, and I see people. I'm sure people would say throw up. Yeah.

Right? That's probably something. You're probably very much hated. I don't know, gaggle. Yeah, like me, I have a million answers for myself. I don't have any answers for anybody else. Like, exhales all the time. Makes just so much goddamn noise when he breathes.

Yeah, you're a very loud coworker. When he sits down, he's like, ugh. Oh, I got one. People who vape at work drive me fucking crazy. Vaping at work. Hey, that's just like, you're just smoking, man. And I know it's like not as bad, but it is. It's like very fucking annoying.

This one is not like, oh, you drive me crazy. This is like, I will fucking hunt you down and kill you with my bare hands if you do this again. Stealing someone's charger at work is an unforgivable offense. And if you do it,

I will kill you. I don't think I've ever done it because I don't even bring my laptop to work anymore. No, I'm talking about phone chargers, but yeah, even those. Phone chargers, I'm still chasing a charger. You two are just the same human. What? You just are. Why?

You're both charger stealers. I haven't stolen a charger. I said I've been chasing a charge. Yeah, but I saw you pause and think about it. You've stolen a charger. Oh, I'm sure I've stolen char charges before. That's what I'm saying! This isn't goat fucking. Like... I stole, I took a...

What? What the fuck does that mean? That's not a phrase. Yeah. You can't just drop that phrase. This ain't goat fucking. It takes more explaining. It's the phrase is, you could build a thousand bridges. You could build a thousand bridges and not be a bridge builder.

But if you fuck one goat, you're a goat fucker. And I don't think... How does that apply? Oh, because you stole one charger? I don't think you steal a charger. If you steal a thousand chargers, you're a charger stealer. I don't know. Every time or two you use a charger that's not yours, that's not stealing chargers. I don't know. I think we're in goat fucking territory. No. I think it's that bad.

I once borrowed Trent's headphones and lost them and I ruined my month. I think it's that bad. I once borrowed Trent's headphones and lost them and I like, it like ruined like my month. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'll get you new headphones.

I'll buy you a new one. I got, I brought in old ones. I didn't get him new ones but I gave him some of my old ones. I replaced them. You can't,

headphones? Yes. No, that's, no, Kevin. What? You gotta buy new headphones.

Why? Any of your headphones? Yeah, like the same, that's, no, Kevin. What? You gotta buy new headphones. Why? Any of your headphones? Yeah, like the same, I mean, I borrowed them from him. Still, still. It's the same thing, but ear swapping. Oh, I disagree. I think this is something that you have to right away, just get a new pair. If he gave them to me in the first place, we were going to be ear swapping.

Nah, nah, man. You're giving people, you're giving a gentleman like Trent your fucking dirty ears? If I said, can I borrow your headphones, he knows I'm going to put them in my ear. Yeah, I know, but... And then give them back to him, he's going to use them. It's like a one-time, all the time. No, it's not.

I know I'm using Kevin's old fucking ears. Versus like, yeah, he had them there briefly. I would borrow someone's headphones unless I'm going to borrow my headphones. I would not take someone's old headphones. That makes no sense. It doesn't, but it does. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't, but it makes a lot of sense. You've got a lot of goat fucking nonsense in your head right now, and it's all gobbledygook nonsense garbage. Also, while we're on the topic, golf pros need to relax. What is up with, I don't like like I am here to abolish the phrase golf pro. Absolutely. You are not a golf pro unless you are a pro golfer. Do you play on the PGA Tour?

Are you like Rory McIlroy and friends with those guys? Do you play in tournaments on the PGA? If you don't, you are not a golf pro. You work at a country club. Golf pros and tennis pros, you're just gym teachers for adults. Shut up and stop making yourself sound so fancy. You are a golf trainer.

You are a golf tutor. You give golf lessons. You're a golf teacher. You are a country club golf assistant. You're not a pro at golf. Hey, this guy seems like a real nice guy. Golf pro means you got a funny tan on your face. Yeah, I mean, look at, like, come on. You got a hat

tan. You better, if you're going to be a golf pro, you got to figure out how a sunblock works or whatever. You can't just walk around red like a fucking tomato all the time. Imagine if you were just like, I'm a hockey pro. And you just like, tutor kids in hockey or something like that. No one says they're a hockey pro. I have friends who don't kids in hockey or no one says they're a play in the

nfl friends who are like hockey trainers hockey coaches none of them say they're a hockey pro yeah i'm a basketball pro what you like i run a camp i run a camp for seven-year-olds i'm a baseball pro what are you are you fucking tommy manske what is that you want to know why it's only golf and tennis pros that do it because they're fucking silver spoon people who didn't reach what they wanted to reach and now still need validation.

Yes, yes. And actually, hats off to the first guy who did it. We're not getting voicemails anymore. Because he fucking, you know, that person probably got a lot of money. Probably got a lot of tutors. Well, I was working at fucking Purdue with that marketing. A lot of people were probably like, here lot of money. Probably got a lot of tutoring. I had to work at fucking Purdue with that marketing. A lot of people were probably like,

here's my money. Teach me how to swing. You're a golf professional. You're a golf pro. You work at a country club. That's it. You get paid by the same guy who was working the fucking snack bar.

Fuck you guys. Anyway, what do you guys got for something? Your coworkers. What do your coworkers do that you don't like? Stealing chargers. anyway what do you guys got for something your co-workers what do your co-workers do that you don't like stealing chargers hit home over here how about

there's got to be something you guys do to drive each other crazy trying to drive a wedge between these guys you're perfect the arrogance everybody thinks it's not me like it's not me, but like it's you sometimes. Not everybody. But like what?

I exclusively think it's me. But like what do you, yeah, you do all the noise. You make all the noise and shit. I make all the noise. What do I do? Oh, I do the, these motherfuckers. I'm going to quit this place because of these fucking people with the air conditioner.

They went and they snitched and they ratted to the air conditioner guy. So he calls me over to the front. Sparky? Yeah, Sparky. And he's like, they're complaining again. And I was like, these fucking people. Jeremy Spoken! And he says to me,

can we have it set so that when it hits a certain temperature, it turns off? I'm like, sure. I'm not saying we just need to continually plunge the degrees until it's like sub-zero. We can have there be a cutoff. It just needs to be cold enough.

So when they want their fucking cutoff to be 72, no. We can't have that. If you want the cutoff to be 66, then we're great. Guess who gets to decide the temperature in this room the barstool guy fucking people out here put on a blanket alright quit alright let's do let's try to do two quick

hi everyone it's Catherine I have noticed I've been doing this weird thing kind of the whole time I've had sex. But when I'm getting fucked, I correspond the position and the way it feels with a number. So not like a rating, not a 1 through 100, because that would make sense. But I give it it a corresponding number. 86 happens a lot.

Or 74. It's a weird thing my brain does. This is crazy. I don't understand. This is like a mental thing. Both my mom and my sister have this thing where they see

the months. They have the months of the year in a, like a swirling. So it's like January, February, March, April, May,

June, July. And they just see it. There's like a, you know, that like synesthesia thing where you can taste colors. Kevin. Yeah. It's like that.

It's where you, you visualize. It's like that. You can taste colors. This is like, you can visualize things that are intangible. I kind of have like numbers up to 10. Like times tables have personalities for me.

I don't know why. Okay. Like what? It's like so weirdly specific. But like. I don't know what any of you guys are talking about. Four and five are friends. Seven and a nine are dating.

But nine's emotionally abusive. So seven. Jesus Christ. I came up with this when I was in fourth grade. Getting worse, Jacqueline. You were creating fantasy emotionally abusive relationships when you were numbers? I used to make fun of this shit, but now I'm so fascinated by it. I love it.

What else? What's number one? One doesn't have a personality. Two is the two-man Tuesday. Two is awful. Two only has a personality with three. Two and three are childhood kids. The weirdest is seven is,

this one I don't know why. This is going to sound weird. This is the weirdest. Seven is like a Girl Scout that baby, that like, so, eight. No, no, no. Go back to seven seven's a girl scout that one like seven when seven babysits no seven babysits four and takes four girl scout cookie shopping and then

somebody buys 28 boxes and that's how i remember that. I don't know why. That's how you remember to multiply to 28? Seven times four is 28? Yeah, I don't know why. Because seven babysits four and buys... Let me tell you something.

Yeah. I've heard a lot of crazy shit. The women in my family are fucking crazy people. They have all these things too. My mom counts lines and spaces. This would be a line. The TV would be a space.

That's a line. She walks in a room and she'll be like, line, space, line, space, line, space. Crazy shit that eats her mind up. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. I'm not a crazy person. But wait, are you using it as a trick to learn? I actually understand the idea of seven 7 babysits 4 and they get 28 because then you're learning times

but like the rest of it just sounds like you've made up an army of numbers it was so subconscious like I didn't even mean to do this it wasn't like how I remember things it was just like I realized when I was learning the times tables that like I just associate like also like 5 is me for some reason

like I associate myself with 5 I don't know why you dropped this on me the second day I started Also, five is me for some reason. I associate myself with five. I don't know why. This is nuts. She dropped this on me the second day I started working. I was like, yo, I suck at math. She's like, yeah, I got this whole thing. I was like, what the fuck? But if it helps you do the math, whatever gets the answer.

But this just sounds like you've made characters up in your head for fun. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know. I can't explain it. I don't know. I love it when all. I don't know. I can't explain it. I don't know. I love it. We're all three and four friends. It's also...

That was crazy. Nothing that just happened is anything I've ever heard of in my life. I had no idea any of this happened. So was she saying like 86 is a position? Mm-hmm. But you don't know what position it is. Well, I can't believe she didn't tell us. I don't know if your mom had told. I can't believe she didn't tell us.

I don't know if your mom had told you. The fact that she didn't tell us what 86 is is going to drive me fucking insane. Like, what is that? You can't be like, yes. Like, 75 and 86 or whatever? Nah, that's not how I. Like, 69 makes sense. Is 86 like a thing or is it just like that's an 86?

That's when you're out of stuff at restaurants. Like, it's 86. Yeah, you're 86. Yeah, right? I was about to think you got kicked out. Yeah. When you're out of stuff at restaurants. Like it's 86. Yeah, you're 86. Yeah, right? I was about to think you got kicked out. Yeah, like you're canceled. Right. 86.

Dead. I thought she was going to be like, one is missionary, two is cowgirl, three is, you know, this, that. And then you just have like a table. But I need to now know. I love, by the way, I just love the casualness. So when I'm getting fucked. Yeah, shit.

Oh, man. So, I mean, 86 would be what in your mind? 86? Oh, wait, this is male? This is male? Okay, I was going to say, I recognize her voice kind of. I was like, of course, my girl Catherine's talking about just getting fucked in an 86. I'm going to DM her and find out what these mean.

What is 86? And are they dating? Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Sezzle. Sezzle, my Sezzle. So Sezzle is, with the holidays coming up, is a very important tool

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six weeks, four different payments at Sezzle. Go to the Barstool Sports store, start shopping, and shop now, pay later with Sezzle. Okay, so I'm 19 years old and just got hand, foot, and mouth. So I feel really gross and I was wondering, you know, I'm not the only gross guy out there. How did I get hand, foot, and mouth? And how do you think I got it? What?

That dude, we've never had someone call in whose body was physically rejecting an illness. Like, I can see the sweat and the illness pouring out of his skin. That guy, that guy looks like a character from Men in Black. That's an alien inside a human body that doesn't fit. He was like,

the whole time. And also, I mean, I know part of it, I don't think it's like your hand. I don't know what hand his mouth does. Let's find out. I couldn't see it on his hand. I don't know what hand comes out of those. Let's find out. I couldn't see it on his hand.

I think you have to have extreme cases of it. You get it when you're a little kid, and you get it when you're in college. So he's 19. You're living in a dorm. I was going to say it's like group showers. Yeah. It's like very, very, like he seems very surprised by this. If he doesn't live in the dorms, then he's got some explaining to do.

But like my kids got this when they were little, like daycare and shit like that and then you get it you get it by literally everything yeah you can get it by skin to skin contact handshake or hugs by airborne respiratory droplets culture stages by saliva kissing or shared drinks literally everything you do in college but i think people get it like wrestling mats they get it from sharing showers they get it from like sharing toys mean, the cameras are still rolling. Just because they're not doesn't mean that's not going to be on the camera. That was just a...

But I'll tell you what, I got to do it too. If you're going to do it, I'm going to do it. I don't care if the cameras are on. I just care that Jackie's not in here. I can scratch the fuck out of my nuts now. That was crazy.

That was insane. That girl is a lunatic. She is a basket case. Seven and four are dating. Nine's emotionally unavailable. Okay, well, how about this? Eight's three's grandfather. Is this crazy?

Three fucks one. Because that is all insane. But when she went, like, I'm, like, a five is like a me. And I was like, I was thinking I was a five, too. Well, you are. Because I think that when I. Middle of the road. When I was, let me see, like a pen.

For some, I vividly remember this. All I'm going to do is something very basic right now. But I remember as a kid when I was learning the letters and stuff like that. And I went like that. And I went, that's like me. Why is it all you? I don't know. I just thought a five looked like me.

Did you have a fat fucking belly or something? Definitely obesity would probably play a factor in it. I don't think I'm a number. I don't think I factor in it. I don't think I'm a number. I don't think I'm a number. I don't think I'm a letter. I don't have any of that shit. I'm a person! But I'll tell you,

this is how I have, this is how the days of the week look for me. It goes like Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It goes like, what are you talking about? Like when I visualize Like I don't see a calendar

When I think about the days of the week Everyone I see that I see like a step system I've always been so sure That everyone on this planet is crazy Except for me It goes

And I've never been more positive It goes specifically like this It goes like hallways almost Like And then it's like block, block Like I'm so happy I have proof Because this whole room sees things weirdly. Yeah, because we're artists, bro.

You're just a fucking brain-dead moron. I'm, I, I. We, we, our brains work in more complex ways than your little pea brain can handle. Really? Because everyone else, I'm the unique one. So. Oh, is that what your mommy tells you? You're unique?

You fucking loser. All you guys are the ones who see all these, like, numbers and shit. All you guys who want to see all these numbers and shit. Yeah. I'm the guy who doesn't fucking see numbers. I see you live in color. Bitch. Yeah, your mommy tells you you're unique. Your therapist tells you you're special.

Your mommy tells you her favorite sex positions with numbers. What are you talking about? That was her, not me. Yeah, that was some mommy. Yeah, you want to talk about mommy problems? You listen to a lady say how she likes to get fucked and go, this reminds me of my mom and my sister. My mom loves to get 77.

She gets 77 right in her face. This is exactly how my mom and my sister live their lives. I was like, what? What was crazy about those lunatic bitches, they both have the same thing. It was unspoken. Really? They both have the month swirl, they call it.

That is bizarre. And they never talked about it. That makes me think there really is some unspoken connection shit that goes on in human brains. Yeah. Except for yours. It's brain dead. You don't have any of this shit. I don't have any of this shit. It's have any of this fucking it's amazing because your shit is like a uh your brain you know when they say like

the like humans only use like one percent of their brain or ten percent you use like zero percent of your brain i use a hundred percent like if they no no no if they were to do a scan of your brain and they'd be like look this is a normal brain's activity it's all lit up yours would just be a big black blah well it'd be a big black blah. It'd be a wrinkly gray blah that isn't even turned on. If we're talking about childhood stuff we did. They would look at your brain and they'd be like, this is a dead brain.

The doctor would be like, that's the dead body. Where's the human one? They'd be like, no, that's just John's brain. There's a Boy Meets World episode where, who's the older brother? Sean. Corey and Eric. Eric.

Eric. Eric is getting a brain study, sleep scan, something like that. And they're like, we have a massive problem. And he's like, what's wrong? They're like, this is your brain at night. And he's like, what about it? Firing?

No, it's just not. And I was a child going, that's me. I was a child going, all right, so Eric Matthews, basically. Eric Matthews is like the dumbest character on television. I was like seven years old and was like, all right, so that's my scene. The adult who lives at home with his parents and picks on his little brother. So I knew where to set the bar.

You're a big, dumb bully. You're a big, dumb, idiot bully with no brain activity. Yeah. At a very young age, I knew. If they were to strap you up, everything is going like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yours would just be like. Yeah. And occasionally be like.

Right, right. They'd be like, they'd hate me because they'd be like, all right, I think he's, I think he's dead. And they go, boop. Oh, God. And they go along, they're like, all right, no. That's right. They're like, sometimes that happens when they die. There's like a little burst.

Nope. They'd be like, it's time to pull the plug. And the doctors would be like, they haven't pulled the plug yet. I thought this was off. The machine is, this is his brain working? You dumb fucking idiot. You bird brain moron with no brain activity. All right, let's get into our interview.

Today's interview, Max Greenfield. You know him from New Girl. Now he's diving into the world of children. Diving into the world of profiting of your kids. It's a fun one. It's a great one. I can't wait to follow suit. As soon as I can, I'm getting into the world of kids' money.

It's like being a legal drug dealer. It's crazy. Pay for college tuition with your childhood. Exploit you for money. It's like being a legal drug dealer. It's crazy. You paid for college tuition with your childhood. Exploit you for money! Max is brought to you by Tommy John. There's no doubt in my mind that Max is a Tommy John guy because he looks like a guy who likes to be comfortable and stylish and wear quality

stuff and that's what Tommy John is. It's underwear. It's lounge wear. It's clothes that are so comfortable you do everything in life better. You do better when you're... Before you take a big test or a presentation you can make sure you got to eat make sure you got to sleep well right make sure all these things that give you peak performance but you also got to make sure you feel good and comfortable and you're dressing well and everything is where it's supposed to be properly when you're wearing your underwear

where you wear your t-shirts whether you're wearing your lounge gear everything's got to be breathable it's got to be lightweight it's got to be breathable. It's got to be lightweight. It's got to be quality fabric that stretches with the way you move and think and act. So that's what Tommy John does. They don't have just customers, John. Tommy John has fans. They have fanatics.

You know how good you've got to be in an underwear company with fans? Big time. Big as my underpants. You wear a size small, you little bitch go to tommyjohn.com slash kfc and for your first order you'll get 20 off this is a great gift for your dad or your brother or any of the men in your life who uh you know they probably haven't like john he's john wears his small underpants because he's like ah whatever dude if someone were to make merry christmas here's a properly sized pair of quality underwear,

he'd be like, oh, my God, thank you so much. Now I can wear these Tommy John boxers with the quick dry fly, the quick draw fly because John also pees himself all the time. All the time. Because every time he's putting his dick back in, he's got to sneak it through and there's still pee left in his dick and there's pee all over the place. Now he can get it all out and put it back in with the quick draw and quick replace and there's no pee on his pants

it's amazing go to tommyjohn.com slash kfc uh and you get 20 off that first order that's tommyjohn.com slash kfc see site for details bye max greenfield let's talk to him. What's up? What's up, Maximilian? Handsome as fuck, man. Thank you. Are you Maximilian? No. No, just Max. I was supposed to be Maximilian. Oh, wait, are we on a video?

Hold on, I got to sit on a pillow. There I ask why? Well, I'm got to sit on a pillow. There I ask why. Well, I'm on the floor with my dog and my ass is starting to fall asleep. So wait, you're going to subject yourself to the pillow and the ass falling asleep just so you're on the ground with the dog? Like, do you do that at all times? Because the dog's always on the ground, yeah so like you just is he or she sick no he's just my best friend and i you know but like all right so you walk in a room and there's like a couch and chairs and tvs on and like the dog's on the floor you're always getting

on the floor with him if no one else is home maybe yeah yeah that's very nice of you that's really nice very sweet nice dog owner yeah no one else is home and he feels like he's alone i don't want him to feel like we're at different levels we're at the same level yeah can i can i pitch an idea max why don't you let him on furniture i we i've done that before but i'm in a room where there's there's no place where he can sit he'll sit on the couch and be with games this is a very strange room what's going on in this room here we've got a tv on the wall off to the side you got a straight chair facing this way what room is this that's a bed that's a bed oh it comes out of a murphy, they call it. I know. That's right. That's right.

That's right. Okay. Is that an active fireplace? Sure is. Fucking love fireplaces, man. I'm a huge fireplace guy, right? I mean, to me, like, we used to get, my dad would always get those Duraflame logs, and we would do it. Like, I think we would have, we would have fires like almost all year round. Like maybe August we'd take off.

Otherwise there was a fire roaring in my house every single night. Can I ask you something? I love a fire and we do fires often. Every time I light the fire, I think I'm going to, I'm going to explode. I'm actually, I'm going to explode. I'm actually better with fire. Every time I plug things in, I think I'm going to explode.

Like you're charging your phone? No, if I put it into the wall, yes, I get very scared. I'm very confident I'm going to get electrocuted and explode. I see those blue lights all the time. Yeah, that little spark. That little blue spark, I'm like, one day that'm going to get electrocuted and exploded. Because I see those blue lights all the time. Yeah, that little spark. That little blue spark. I'm like, one day that's going to get me. I don't light enough fires to be scared of that,

but I am terrified of plugging things into the wall. I hate it. I hate it. That's a crazy irrational fear. Yeah, that and garbage disposal is terrifying to me. You're just going to get sucked in or something? I always think I forgot something in it, and it's going to fire out at me. Forgot.

Oh, I forgot my phone in my hand. Yeah, I think there might be a fork that slipped, like a baby fork or like a screw, something slipped down there and it's going to come out. Dude, if I was designing a house, I would put the garbage disposal switch on the other side of the kitchen. That's actually not a bad idea.

It is kind of scary. It's almost like when you get an x-ray at the dentist and you got to like go outside before you push the button max is like what the fuck is going on right now this has got to definitely be the weirdest interview of the day this is where i want to live now although i'm really trying to visual well you you set a lot of things up for me to think about and visualize them now. Well, if we put the switch over on the other wall, what does that really mean? It means I can't get hit when things come flying out.

Shit flies out. It's like I'm on the other side of the room. I know. I'm thinking about it logistically now, and I'm like, well, that means we've got to run a line. Yeah. And it means a lot of people are going to be accidentally turned on the garbage disposal garbage disposal like i thought this was a fucking light for the bathroom dude yeah yeah i don't know it's the garbage you're gonna be in your bedroom upstairs flipping a switch to do the garbage yeah let me you know what i'm gonna give you a counter argument you bring it up at the same point

because with it close at least you're the one who's in control of it. Right. All of a sudden, you're pulling some shit out, and your son is like, let me turn the lights on. You're like, wait a minute, that's not the lights, and then your hand is gone. You could have your face in that thing, and little John Jr. is like, flip, and you're dead. Guess what, Max? Great card argument. I'm not one of those people who stick to my guns. I'm done. Never mind.

The switch stays by the garbage disposal i don't fucking care i'm not gonna sit here and argue you made a better point you win all right i wish somebody would have that reaction on shark tank where they were just like this you know what uh you know what uh uh mark human you're right. My product sucks. Yeah, you're right. You nailed it. They turn red, and they try to stick with it, and it's like, well, no, actually. Instead, I wish they would go, you poked a giant hole in everything I've worked with. I'm thrilled that I don't have to give it one more ounce of thought because it's

over now you're right i didn't see it the whole time it was right there man it's exceptionally impractical why would someone want a human-sized protein shaker like i that's why i would be a horrible uh shark they call it on shark tank because i wouldn't have the heart to be like sir you have wasted all of your money and the majority of your life on this idea that i i'm going to show you why it's completely useless that i don't have the heart to do american idol i think it's like you know listen, sorry, your dream's not going to happen. But this is like, you've already ruined your life over this dumb product, sir.

That's tough. To be the Simon Cowell of Shark Tank, you are ruining lives. I'm not going to be the one to tell you you failed. Your mom will tell you in a couple more years after she runs out of rent money. Oh my god, That's great. You, though, on the other hand, have been this successful entrepreneur

kind of diving into the children's realm where, like, I'll be honest, it's somewhere I think I've always said when I retire from doing what I do here, I would love to get into that game. I think it's, first of all, really fun, and I think it can be incredibly lucrative. I hope it's going well for you. Well, you know, I mean, I'm an author now. Exactly. Exactly, man.

Yeah, I mean, you can check that box, man. No one can take that away from you. I Don't Want to Read This Book is also the perfect title. It all came about in a way that and it's why i i genuinely am so proud of this thing you know as an actor i i'll jump into other people's projects and you're of service to those things and happily so and that's where I find I'm most comfortable um and this was brought to me during the craziness of lockdown and the pandemic and I was doing those videos with my daughter on Instagram and somebody had asked somebody asked me and they were like hey you want to do a podcast and I go because

they were like we think this is something and I was like um unless you want long pauses where i'm trying to like find a word or put a bunch of words together because i think they might make sense that way um a podcast is probably not the best place for me um unless you want to talk about garbage yeah max you're just describing our podcast. You'd be surprised, Max. You'd be surprised what works, man. Well, I will say this, but I'm sure you guys wouldn't for the next, I don't know, week or two weeks think about, oh, man, I shouldn't have talked about garbage disposal. No, no.

I don't want to be upset we talked about it too little. But, yeah. I had 10 more minutes of garbage talking. We might rebrand the whole podcast. This is just an official garbage disposal podcast now. Every single week we talk about the ups and downs of having a garbage disposal. But in all seriousness, it is bizarre what works. Because, you because – Totally.

Like, you know – So they – but they – so, you know, when I passed on the podcast idea, I – the idea of writing a book came about and I said, a real book? And they go, yeah. I go, no, no, no. Niente. No, no. no it's gonna take me forever i'll get halfway through and i'll quit i know it yeah um and then um this idea of a children's book came up and uh i have read so many children's book or tried to read so many children's book to my kids that I thought I could wrap my head around that. And that afternoon sort of just very organically thought, well, you know, if I was going to write one. to substitute the 30 minutes I spend every night with my kids going over all the books that they have in their room and them telling me why they don't want to read each one of them.

And you put that into a book and call it, I don't want to read this book. Maybe they would read that one because after I'm done fighting with them, it's time for them to go to bed and we haven't read a book. So I pitched them this idea i pitched my agent this idea and and and he was like can i take it out and i go yeah sure and two days later and a day later i was like you know i like that idea it's a shame nothing will ever happen with it and then later my agent came to me and was like, we sold it. And I was like, oh, my God, do I have to write it now? That's the worst. That's got to be the worst part.

Like, fuck. Yeah. I attained my dream. Not dream. You know, I attained my goal. I was dead for about two minutes. And then I realized, oh, this is not only my experience as a parent but this is my experience as a kid and you know a student and not wanting to read anything and I was like

oh I can write this in two minutes and we just threw all of my experience into the book and my daughter and I were you know talking about it and I was talking about it with her friends and this was the first thing as opposed as you know that was different from my experience as an actor where I went oh this is really this is this feels like my own thing um and the process was so much fun and getting an illustrator. This guy, Mike Lowry, came in, has all these books and just such a wonderful illustrator. He came in and brought the whole thing to life. And these things take a long time.

Well, how long? How long? How long was Max Greenfield putting pen to paper? Very short. 45 minutes. An afternoon. Very short. Three days top.

Amazing. That's like that motherfucker. That's like when Jimmy Fallon did his Dada book. You know what I'm talking about? Mm-hmm. I mean, he made probably tens of millions of dollars every single page that says Dada. I don't think that.

One, I don't think he made tens of millions of dollars. Let's find out. Let's find out. But at least you wrote, you know, that was some more shit because Jimmy just wrote Dada on every page. But yeah, and then you go through notes and everything. But it was the best and it really it came out in a way

where you felt proud of it and I think maybe we're going to do a couple more of these oh big drop is it going to be called I also don't want to Read This Book?

Yeah. I don't read that book either. I don't read this book either. Yeah, that's what it is. Listen, all I'm just saying real quick is that Jimmy had a box set of Mama and Dada that were both number one bestsellers on the New York Times list. That's $25. I'm sure he made a decent amount of coin, okay?

I'm sure you're doing pretty good, too. Well, look, that's why I'm here, man. We got to get it on that New York Times bestseller list. I tried to buy it last night, but it's not officially. It comes out November 9th. Boom. We'll plug there. You can preorder it.

You can preorder it? It said in the description, it said for – is it strictly children or is it like adults can read it too? Because the description said something along the lines that kind of hinted at both. Well, I like it. That speaks a lot because guess what? I don't like most things I do. No, but you know what? There's a really important thing, and this is part of what i would dream to do if i ever got involved in this

making things for children that are tolerable for the parents that have to read it or be involved in it whether it's a movie or a tv show or a song like disney does with all the sex jokes all the subliminal sex messages but that's uh you know having like some some subtle humor or something that's a little bit adult is is key if you could if you could make the book um every time you say book every time you read the word book in this book you know it's i don't want to read this book and it's all the reasons why you don't want to read a book and it's consensus up and paragraphs are the worst and i lose my train of thought during the paragraph was just every time you say the word book replace it with

email right and i don't know but but i just i stopped i don't want to read email i don't do that i don't do the emails i read more books than emails now i'm done with email i really i'm off the email train too it's crazy it's wildly irresponsible it's incredibly the amount of stuff that people like i emailed you about that a month ago and i'm like oh i don't do that anymore like who do i think i am like mariah carey or something i don't you don't do email it's a very basic form of communication you idiot i don't do it if you send me an email and I have to do this and scroll. Oh, my God. How much time do you think I'm going to have all day?

We had a boss. Our boss here used to put everything in the subject line. So smart. Yeah. This has no body. It was called. This has no text. It was usually just like, you're a fucking idiot.

But it was effective. And at least it didn't It was usually just like you're a fucking idiot, but it was effective, and at least it didn't take me much time to call me a fucking idiot. There was no scrolling. He didn't have to do the polite like, well, so I see what you tried to do here. You're a fucking idiot. Next email. I read it. Scrolling.

Give me a break. You know, you come to really appreciate people, and the people that I most respect are the ones that can truncate what they're trying to tell you, get it really tight, and make it very clear. That's all. The worst – I don't need – I don't need any, like, decoration around it. Just tell me what the fuck you're doing. The amount of double talk and re-explaining.

You know when you read three sentences in a row and they all just describe the same thing. We didn't need to do that three times, man. Or the stories, the people telling stories. So last week, no, no, it was two weeks ago. No, wait, I think it was Tuesday. It was Wednesday. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what day it was because I wasn't there. Just tell me the fucking story.

We just got to get rid of that as a people. I have a question for you, Max. I was just saying to Kevin before this. I was like, I got to get my Instagram stories under control. Not my Instagram stories, my Instagram ads. And I feel like this is probably a problem someone with money runs into more often than someone like me, but my ads have gotten smarter, so they keep just hitting me with more expensive things.

Like, it used to be, I used to get, like, $14 shirts, and I was like, I'd buy a couple $14 shirts. And now, like, this morning I bought a $350 corduroy shirt. Todd Snyder? No, it wasn't Todd Snyder. They've one-upped me from my Todd Snyder. Now I'm on some other company I haven't even heard of before because I spent too much time

buying Todd Snyder stuff. I feel like it's an issue that you must have as well because you have money. No. At no point have I been like, I need a $350 quarter Roy shirt. 350 quarter neither have i max this is my point

at no point have i thought that what is your uh what is it what is a rich guy's targeted ads look like well hold on hold on let's break is your hat quartering yeah i got a lot of quarter right now it's the phone just knows he's going through a quarteruroy face i don't i don't think i don't think the problem is the ads or your instagram i think you're a problem i don't think i mean you are 100 right i think it's impossible to have a problem with corduroy i think i think i think you guys are the one with a problem with Corduroy. You don't have enough Corduroy. I think your problem is Corduroy.

Look how upset you're getting. Dude, he came in a week ago. He has a pair of Corduroy. I actually like Corduroy. I bought a Todd Snyder Corduroy shirt. It was like $178, but whatever. He came in with a pair of corduroy pants. No other way to describe it other than enormous.

These pants were enormous. The legs of the pants were huge. Max, however much corduroy you think was on his pants, it was at least triple. Just imagine someone in the factory just pulling reams of corduroy out and just slicing it and there's your leg. It was insane how big these were. And they were wide-legged. They didn't taper at all. The kid is just drowning in corduroy. I actually think

they're from Noah and I think they're called the Noah you shouldn't buy these pants. There's way too much corduroy in them pants. They're huge! Huge, I tell you. Max has like no idea what's going on. We are just ranting about our own shortcomings. I think I have a pretty clear idea what's going on.

I don't think this is a corduroy thing. I don't think this is strictly a corduroy thing. I would guess that you probably have what we call phases and where you're like you're going through a corduroy phase and i'm going to spend upwards of three to four thousand dollars in the span of i don't know six months on several corduroy pieces that i feel like i need to own because going forward i know the corduroy is going to feel like I need to own because going forward, I know the quarter is going to be with me for the rest of my life. And then a year from now,

when you're like, I can't even look at corduroy. This is what do I have all this shit for? And you're, you're onto fucking denim or whatever. You're going to wear that. And you're gonna wear that and we're like i don't know if denim denim is in i i currently own six pairs of corduroy pants i don't even know i'm sick yeah it's do you have like one of those denim uh uh shawshank outfits

of course max you know like we're like really max did you hear about the corduroy pants yeah i got denim shawshank outfits i got denim shawshank outfits out the wazoo i got so much denim i got so much corduroy max i have i have i don't have a corduroy problem i don don't have a denim problem. I have an Instagram problem. And I have Instagram's targeted ads. They're one-upping me. This is the confession I got to make, is that I just bought, and this is an attempt to, like,

I wasn't thinking it at the time, but now that I'm looking at Max, I'm just trying to look like Max. I bought a fucking a a jaw muscle exerciser to improve. No, no, I chew it.

I chew it, and I'll show you the thing. It is... Are you working out this muscle? Yeah, right there. Oh, to get a better jaw. Yeah. Because you have a fucking outstanding No, Matt. Are you working out this muscle? Yeah, right there. Why would you do it to get a better jaw? Yeah. Because you have a fucking outstanding jaw, Spencer.

And the scruff you have is really unparalleled. That almost looks like fake. If you were to draw a cartoon character to be like, let's give him a good jaw and great scruff, it would be Max. We're going to bleep the name because we're not giving any free ads, but it's from a company called... Oh, God. And it's just you chew things it's like it's like it's called tough bite i just put that in my mouth and chew it i could have bought a pack of gum instead i bought a uh i forget what

it was it was like 80 bucks or something like that 80 for a jaw chisel enhancer this is this is one of the dumbest things i've ever done. One of the first things you said in a question that you had for me was, you phrased it, as somebody who doesn't have any money, I want to ask this question. I think we know why you don't have any money. Is it? I think we know why you don't have any money I'm like Michael Scott when Oscar's breaking down and this bar is for things nobody needs

you need outside help you need a business manager or a sponsor or something who's going to come in and say you don't need a jaw muscle exerciser. I mean, I do. I have a round face.

I have a baseball face. I need a jaw exerciser. And if this thing works, it's the greatest invention of all time. There's just no chance it works. Can I read you guys a couple descriptions? Because there's light, regular, and tough. So the light one says, yourisel journey begin just starts here if you can't decide what model to get don't second guess it go for the light bite okay so that's like the first one i think that's the one i got that's that's for the best for babies okay that's that's chump shit uh then

it says elevate your chisel program with the new level with this great fatigue booster. It will help you achieve your jawline definition. It's a great addition to your arsenal. And then my favorite here for this is called the tough bite. It's the final boss of your chisel journey. It says, listen to this and don't be careless with this. It might be tempting to grab the sleek, black, tough version from the start, but don't expect to get better or faster results. You need to come prepared.

I mean, I can't even believe this is a thing and that you're doing it. I'm begging you to stop. Max, You make, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You make your living talking to a microphone. Can you imagine what an asshole you're going to look like when you go,

I can't, I can't talk today because I hurt myself. I have an injury from my, from the fucking raw bone or whatever you call it. Chisel bite. And guess what? I already have jaw issues.

I have TMJ. You should hear me eat a bagel. It's a fucking nightmare. It's just a lot of cracking. Can you imagine? I can't comment it. Wait, was it wait was that yeah it's my jaw i don't i don't know if you can hear because it's on zoom do that again because with the with oh my god that's haunting that is haunting through the headphones you should see that thing trying to fucking wolf

down and everything bad it is a nightmare holy moly it's horrible to be in the same room as me this is dangerous. By the way, eating an empty thing bagel is probably a better workout for your jaw than eating a big box. Try to avoid the carbs, Max. I gotta get a toned jaw. Can't get a toned jaw when I'm having a loaf of bread every morning.

What do you think is the dumbest piece of clothing you own? Or accessory or something that you look back on? Are you like, holy shit, I can't believe I wore that. I mean, there's been there's been a lot of pieces. Yeah. God almighty. The dumbest.

I'm trying to think of the dumbest. I'm actually now that we're thinking of your dumbest clothes, the line, not one of my favorite lines, there's so many of my favorite lines in New Girl, but when you have the only suit you get left is the one with the lightning bolt. I think you said you look like a Ukrainian dentist. When

Jess has faked the robbery and it's like, I have a little Ukrainian dentist in this. I don't know why that kills me. There's so many good lines from that, man. As I've gotten older, my clothes have gotten plainer and simpler. Those are the ones I really like. And every time I've gone to a store and thought,

I'm going to take a risk. It's the dumbest thing I've ever done. Never works out. There are certain people who have like a knack for it. Like they can just see it and it might be silly, but they're like ahead of the curve. I'm not one of those guys. It's like if I venture outside of my comfort zone of like blue, like I go like white, black, gray. And if I do a blue, that's a big day.

Otherwise, I go outside of that, I'm in trouble, man. Yeah, even with the sneakers, like, you know, I can look at a pair of sneakers and go, those are cool. As soon as I put those on myself, I go, I can't wear these. I look like an idiot. It's tough. The sneakers are tough. I have a sneaker itch. And I remember one guy telling me, I started buying sneakers when I got a little bit of money.

I bought all the basketball shoes and sneakers from my past that I either couldn't afford or my mom wouldn't buy me, all these throwbacks. And I had a guy being like, I went through the same phase you went through. You're going to turn around like next year and look at this whole collection and be like, what what the fuck have i been doing and i was like no man no way not me man i love this shit and it took a little bit longer but now i look i'm like what am i gonna do with all these dumb ass sneakers man and then when and then you buy a nice pair of sneakers they get dirty and it's like well forget it the sneaker culture which i think is is i i don't know and it's like, well, forget it. The sneaker culture, which I think is, I don't know if it's toned down or not, maybe it's just personal.

People are like, you can't bend your toes in the shoes of Creasome. I can't, what are we talking about here? It's a sickness, man. You finally got the same problem with, or at least in the beginning with the corduroy. I was nervous to get it tailored

i was like be gentle when you cut it sir please man this is one of this is one for the record books this is as stupid as it gets on a serious note did you feel um that you know you you had this viral moment with your daughter and everybody loved it. We had many viral moments, and I hated every single one of them because they all were like, hot dad, cool kid, maybe that could be me, and it's just not going to be me. No, not going to be you. It's just not going to be me. Not going to be you.

Not without that quarter, Roy. Well, you know, because an Instagram ad is going to catch your attention, and the next thing you know, you're like, hold're like hold on i've got to work out my jaw baby let's conceive not tonight i'm tired from jaw working out but i i feel like um it's got to be cool to like you know you're working some in some ways directly with your daughter but even just doing something in, in like the children's realm, it's, it's just,

I don't know. I feel like in the internet can be such a mean place and a tough place and Hollywood's cutthroat and all this kind of shit. And while I'm sure what you're doing is still, you know, obviously a business, there just has to be an element of it. That's,

I don't know, a little lighter, a little like happier, more wholesome, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Well, what's nice I don't know, a little lighter, a little happier, more wholesome, all that kind of stuff? Yeah. Well, what's nice is you go from new girl and where you're essentially playing a douche the whole time.

Right. You're playing this wild guy. Yeah. And then I often get cast like in offsets of that, where it's like, you know, he's the asshole in Promising Young Woman or the asshole in this. I mean,

you are an all time asshole in Promising Young Woman and all times come back. Like the guy, the big short and all, it's all. And so like, at some point you go, this doesn't match up with my real life at all and i love you know i'm like getting dragged around by two kids all day long and when you're able to participate in things that

you really have experience with and that are closer to the life that you're leading, it just makes more sense. Right. And it feels organic. It feels real. And it's easy then to talk about it as well. Because then you have to do, you know, press for it and you have to get out there and discuss what it is that you're working on. And when you're like, this is a crazy thing that I'm doing, you're just sort of talking about the story and the experience working with

it. But when you write a children's book and where you play a father or you're part of some of the family content that I've been lucky enough to be able to do over the past couple of years, it's really rewarding because you can speak to it on an honest, organic level. Right. That, to me, is what I feel like it shows a different side that maybe people don't know about. It just feels more rewarding, if you will, than you've been kind of playing the douchebag. And over here, we just are the douchebags. There's not a character to it.

It's just like, Oh, that's the other side of, of daddy kids. But, um, but I, yeah,

I think that's gotta be a cool way to, you know, have a, another portion of your career while, while, you know, acting still thriving. What onto season four of,

of the neighborhood. Yeah. I mean, that's solid too. You know, that's solid, too. That's another great sitcom hit. You went right from New Girl to that, right? There wasn't much of a gap at all, was there? None.

I'm trying to stay on TV forever. Just hit sitcom to hit sitcom. Yeah. Well, I think it's going to be tough to get another one. So the idea is when this sort of starts to find it's way down or end I'm going to, I think I'm going to have to jump on

one of those NCIS shows get on that procedural money man I'll kill Chris O'Donnell you can hear what I'm saying I'll get a seven days out of that for sure well that's great man

we're getting the signal to wrap it up I think your people are like we can't talk about Corduroy anymore you gotta go so we appreciate the time like we said season four of The Neighborhood but the book is out I don't want to read this book and as always we appreciate the time man thank you Max

thank you guys for having me you guys are so great and so supportive I really appreciate it have a good one man thank you max yeah thank you guys for having me you guys are so great um and so supportive i really appreciate it have a good one man catch you later