KFC Radio - Stone Cold Steve Austin, Whose Relationship is Crazier, and Snuggling with Pops

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

Stone Cold Steve Austin stops by to talk the Attitude Era, how the Stunner came to be, and dropping the Stunner on a future President. John writes a eulogy and eats popsicles in bed. Lindsay Lohan was purchased by a sultan. Hobbs & Shaw review. P Diddy is dating his son's ex who happens to be Steve Harvey's daughter. Who do you want to meet in heaven? Voicemails: getting in bed naked, Jesus on a plane, horse venmo.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Felix Gray. The average American will blast their eyeballs with blue light 11 hours a day. We are not the average American. We are above average. Well, we're below average, really, is what it comes down to. I'm an exceptional blue light blaster. Right, we're below average, really, is what it comes down to. I'm an exceptional blue light blaster.

Right. We're above average blue blasters. We are below average humans in general. For sure. And actually what leads to us blue blasting our eyes. That hurts to hear. Like when you agree with it. Yeah.

And you're just like, yup. Below average. Knocked that out of the park. Definitely just not. I'm just mediocre. I mean, I always have been. Embrace the mediocrity, though, John. It's okay. But you can't embrace the mediocrity, though, John. It's okay.

But you can't embrace the mediocrity to the point that your eyeballs go blind. No. I mean, being blind is – that's the worst. It's on the level of being dickless because it's an ATI question. We compare the two. So you want to keep your dick. You want to keep your eyeballs. Make sure you get yourself a pair.

Keep your vagina, too, I guess. Yeah, definitely. We are a feminist podcast, number one feminist podcast here. So make sure you get the pair of Felix Grey glasses to filter out the blue light, protect your eyeballs so that when you're staring at your computer screen, your tablet screen, your iPhone screen, your TV screen, any sort of screen, your eyes stay safe. And you're not going to have to walk around looking like you have some pair of goggles on

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grayglasses.com slash kevin you like to say free not free you quite literally paid me for those paid for that ad but that was a little bonus value. Today on the program, Stone Cold, Steve Austin. Hell yeah. Hell fucking yeah. This, to me, he really is. He is fast forward through us. Hell yeah. Hell fucking yeah. This, to me – He's the best. He really is.

He is, to me – Fast forward through us. Let's go to the interview. He's fucking so cool. Actually, we should run the interview at the top. We'll do that because it is what people are going to come here for today. Listen after, though. Yeah, stick around because we're funny, too.

You goddamn sons of bitches. I now have an answer, a definitive answer to who's the best guest you ever had or who's like the most excited you were. It's Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold. I used to be like, well, we did the thing with David Ortiz. That was cool. And then this guy.

And then, oh, I forgot about that. Stone Cold. It's it. He's the one. And that means The Rock is next. If you can get Stone Cold, you can get The Rock. I actually said to Bob, I was like, you know, it makes you realize just how big The Rock is. Because, like, if he came through here, we'd all be going crazy.

And Bob was explaining that The Rock does this thing where he just makes all the press come to him in Hawaii. He's like, yeah, we'll talk about my movie. I'm going to be in Hawaii. Do you want to come? That's right. I was watching on Saturday morning. I was watching TRL, which is apparently a show still. Total Request Live is still on the air?

It's called TRL Top 10, which is like calling the game played in the summer, baseball, baseball. It's the same. You're just saying the two words. Yes. TRL Top 10. That's all we do. But anyway, one of the hosts was, I guess, away last week, and they said they were like, yeah, you were in Hawaii talking to Dwayne Johnson about Hobbs and Shaw.

And I didn't realize that that's what just – they got a charter plane just full of journalists. I thought maybe they did a special thing out there. He flies them out or they – someone flies them out. You come to me in Hawaii. Okay. That's new information. But that also being said, the fact that Steve Austin just is like – I mean I know he's a podcaster now. He's got this new show coming out, Straight Up with Steve.

That's what we're talking about. Straight Up Steve Austin. But like the fact that he is here and doing this kind of shit – because in my mind, he's Stone Cold Steve Austin. That guy does nothing except gas beers and beat the shit out of Vince McMahon. And he's like here to be a normal-ass human. He's like, I'll sit down with you. He's like super gracious, very invested in the conversation. He was awesome.

So I now officially have an answer to best bar story. I mean, Joe Manganiello was short-lived. I said that about Joe Manganiello about two weeks ago. But, you know, there ain't no Stone Cold. I think Joe would understand that. So let's just get right into Stone Cold. Fuck it. Stone Cold Steve Austin is brought to you by Arc Teeth Whitening.

What's the most important thing, John? Teeth. It's your teeth, you stupid idiot. If you have bad teeth or brown teeth, yellow teeth, just not white teeth, I don't care what else is going on. You could have a perfect face, beautiful hair, ripped body, incredible personality. Messed up. You got bad teeth.

It's over, homie. It looks like your hobby is chewing rocks. It's not going to go well. It's done. It's like, why are they that color? And that means they must smell. And you just, it's just not good. I might buy a ton of arcs for people in this office.

We got a couple in this office. We got a few who could use it. And here's the thing. Arc whitening goes a step further. You could brush every day. You could even floss. When was the last time you flossed? I floss fairly regularly.

Do you? Yeah. Meaning what? Every other week? Every other week. Every other week? Yeah, something like that. You floss 25 times a year?

Yeah, probably. And I'll go on hot streaks. I definitely hit 25 times a year. I don't know if I'll go on hot streaks. So I'll definitely hit 25 times a year. I don't know if I stay with the schedule of every other week. But I'll hit a hot streak where I'll hit like 7 in a row, 10 in a row. I have little things in my desk. Yeah, I saw a guy doing that on the train. Sitting next to me on Metro North.

Don't look at me like you do that. I've never done it. I guess the idea of it doesn't disgust me. I think if it was happening to me, it would disgust me. Oh, it's disgusting all around, John. Let me just tell you right now, if you do that, you're a social misfit. I guess the reason I'm against flossing, not against flossing, but doing this. Food and smell.

I never have anything come out. You do. It's like you got stuff in there you don't even see. You got spit flying. No, no. If you're going like that and pulling it out, no, you can't be doing it in public. What? Don't even consider it.

If you're listening and watching, don't even look at John. Don't even consider what he's doing right now. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. I do it at my desk. Don't. You floss at your desk? I'll do that thing at my desk, yeah. Keith will take some from me.

Keith will do it too. We'll floss together. You clip your nails at your desk. I'll do that thing at my desk, yeah. Keith will take some from me. Keith will do it too. We'll floss together. You clip your nails at your desk. I do like one hangnail. Yeah, and you can hear that grating that... I just need like when I'm like bleeding or have a bad one, I don't sit there. I wouldn't do it like on a whim. What do you mean?

Like if I have like a fucking like a hangnail, I'll just like clip that off. You have nail clippers in your desk. Yes, I'm an OCD about my nails. I travel everywhere with them. But if I'm going to like cut my nails, I'll just clip that off. You have nail clippers in your desk. Yes. I'm an OCD about my nails. I travel everywhere with them. But if I'm going to cut my nails, I'll go to the bathroom. If I need to just get a hangnail, I'm not going to have to floss. I hear the clicking a lot. I've heard more clicking than you've seen flossing.

I didn't know you floss at all. That's what I mean. I'm very stealth about it. So then I don't think you really do it at your desk. I do it at my desk. When I do it, I do it at my desk. Oh, don't do that. I won't clip.

You don't floss. We shouldn't be doing any of these things. Okay. And my desk. Oh, don't do that. I won't clip. You don't floss. We shouldn't be doing any of these things. Okay, and if you get caught, 20 push-ups. I ain't doing any push-ups. I'm working a push-up bet into this show. No, no. John's dying to do push-ups. You can do push-ups.

We're doing a push-up bet. Fine. If you get caught, 20 push-ups. 20 push-ups. Arc whitening. So you can brush. You can floss at your desk, wherever it may be. It's not enough to make sure you have the white teeth. So Arc uses blue light technology.

This isn't just like you strap some plastic goo on your teeth and it eats away at your teeth. We're talking high-tech blue light that can make your teeth white, that can make your smile bright, and that can change your entire life, to be honest. What was the first thing Cardi B did when she got her money? Oh, cool. She fixed those teeth, bro. Not her butt, not her boobs. She went right for the teeth. That's how important your teeth are.

That is very smart. I didn't know that. That's the first thing she did. That's the new one for me. And then got pregnant. Yep. So if you want to get pregnant, fix your teeth. Someone will get you pregnant.

ArcSmile.com promo code kfc at checkout get 15 off your purchase of the blue light kit that's arcsmile.com promo code kfc 15 off your blue light whitening kit stone cold steve austin what we got oh by the way stone cold steve austin he uh slanted table a lot very very emphatic he was he chooses his table a lot. Very excited. He's very emphatic. He chooses his words very carefully. He had a moment where he said he was like, you know, in my everyday life, I'm at like a five. And then as we got through the interview, he was like getting to like a six and a seven and he started flexing.

And then you just got a gun. So he was like smashing his way through the desk. So if you're hearing any mic pops or if it's a little loud for your morning commute, that's just deal with it it's stone cold that's how stone cold steve if you expect stone cold steve austin to come in and be like hey guys what's up man uh no you're sadly mistaken so let's get it all right it's kfc radio uh robbie fox is

in with us our wrestling guy because we have in my opinion uh the greatest most entertaining wrestler of all time stone cold steve austin in the building i'm not gonna argue with you as you shouldn't, man. I'm going to sit up, my wife will kill me for my posture just because I slump too much. We've been working on that. You can still have one of those bras that pull your shoulders back. I've never used one, but I'm open-minded

now. Back when I was Stone Cold 24-7, never considered it. Now, I'd consider it. How much would you say you've toned it down since the days of Stone Cold 24-7? Oh, well, professionally and personally. Drastically. Yeah?

Yeah, I turned back into a civilian. It took a couple years to dial it down. And then I kind of go from zombie mode to where you go, go, go. And, you know, that's how you live life, to go to civilian mode. So currently I'm in civilian mode. You say you're in civilian mode. You still look like Stone Cold. I can see your veins from here.

Why haven't you decided to be like, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to get fat and stuff? Man, I can't turn into just a tub of guts. Why? It's so easy. We're really good at it here, man. We can give you tips. Hey, don't get me wrong. You get me in hunting season, and we're down there, because before I sold my ranch, but we're down there drinking IPAs and margaritas, you know,

for two months straight. I'd go back, and in my mirrors down there, I still look pretty good. And I'm like, hey, man, I'm kind of maintaining this. I look pretty good. And then I get back to my mirror in L.A., and it's like, holy shit, what happened? And, of course, my wife's got to hear me bitch and complain, like, how did you let me do this?

And then it's like, you know, trying to take it off is so much harder than putting it on. So stay in the gym and stay active. And it's kind of a love-hate thing, man. I dig it. And if I was to turn into a pile of shit, man, like, you know, I just got this gig. I know we're going to talk about it straight up, Steve Austin. So I can't be on camera just looking like shit. No, I know.

You know what I mean? We do it. Steve, let me tell you something. We're on camera 24-7. You want me to pop the top on this thing, I'm sure it looks like shit. You never know. If I fall upon hard times and I just absolutely have to make a comeback, if I have to because I need the money, I got to be ready.

Wait, are you saying there's going to be a comeback in the car? Steve wants it right now. Don't say that in front of me. I'm just effing with you guys. I ain't doing shit. Don't get Bob's hopes up. We'll take it. No, man.

No, well, I mean, it's funny because, you know, when I was growing up as a kid, it was like the big, it was, I guess, the end of like, is wrestling real or wrestling fake, right? And I always laughed at anybody who thought it was real. But then when it comes to you, I expect you to be like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Like, in my head, you know, you know The Undertaker's a character. You know Mankind's a character. With you, I expected you to be like Stone Cold Steve Austin. In my head, you know The Undertaker's a character. You know Mankind's a character. With you, I expected you to be just like your character.

How much of it is you and how much of it is ramped up? It's one and the same, and it's just me. It took me a while to figure this out. When I played sports, playing baseball, throwing the discus and track, whatever, I'm highly competitive, and I have a killer instinct. And so, you know, what it took was seven and a half years to learn that. First of all, learn the mechanics of the business, the 101 stuff, and then you learn, you know, the psychology of the business,

and you do something to elicit a response. But then finally, it was like, hey, man, when it came to the Stone Cold thing, and it was this persona, I realized that, yeah, even though the business is a work, it's the intensity level, which has to be there. So it's almost like, yeah, it's work, but I'm so competitive that I just dial myself back up to that mode. So it really is a shoot, but it's just me.

Like if we were fixing to throw down right now, you would get stone cold. So it wasn't a stretch. And I think my connection to the people had a lot to do with the fact that, yes, it was real, and it was an intensity level with which people could identify and relate to. And then all of a sudden you throw in anti-authority stuff with Mitch McMahon. You can definitely get into that. So it was many things which fed the totality of everything, which combined to be what it is.

But, yeah, I'm not the undertaker. I'm not this guy. I am me, but dialed up. And like right now, just because I'm so excited about talking to you guys, I'm probably number five. If you keep me going and I get to 11, shit's going to happen. Let's go to 11. Let's fucking go to 11.

Let's take it wherever you want to go. What would you say is the most important part of Stone Cold Steve Austin? Because I feel like you have the name coming from a cup of tea, which I think a lot of people would be surprised by that, you sipping on a cup of tea, Stone Cold. I think the glass breaking and the music is incredibly important. I think the clothing is important. I think the catch lines are important.

The stunner. The stunner, the actual finisher move. What do you think is the main thing that took it from a good wrestler to an immortal WWE superstar? It was everything that you mentioned and it was also key steps along the way. Like for instance, back when we were

doing Monday Night Raw and the times were down and we would do a live Monday Night Raw and then we'd do another one and then we'd go post-production because we couldn't afford to go live every week. And so I noticed that when they started doing those shows that they were giving me some chances on commentary. When I watched the shows back, they were editing some of the things I said because they had the ability to in post.

And I saw Vince walking across the parking lot one time, and I just kind of started being the Stone Cold character, and we're going to Lowell, Massachusetts, and we're going in for TV. And I didn't know Vince very well at the time. Of course, he was my boss, but I didn't have the close relationship that would develop years later. And I said, hey, Vince, can I ask you a question? And he goes, yeah.

I said, hey, man, I know when I watch Raw back, you guys are editing a lot of things I'm saying. I said, why is that? He goes, well, quite frankly, Steve, you're popping the guys in the truck, meaning the production truck. And if you can get a response from the guys in the truck, you can get a response from anybody, right? Because they've seen and heard it all. I said, Vince, I said, listen, you got guys here, seven feet, seven, one, 300, 330 pounds. I'm 250, bald head, goatee, black trunks, black boots. If you take my personality from me, I can't compete.

But if you give me my personality, I can't compete. And that's when he stopped restricting me, and that's when he started letting everything fly, and it all turned into what it turned into. But the bottom line is I'm basically me. People could identify with me and the intensity level. I feel like the anti-authority is what kind of roped in maybe. I mean, Bob here is like a wrestling nut.

I grew up watching Hulk Hogan and shit like that. But what pulled me in was the Attitude Era. And I feel like you just being like anti-boss, fuck the boss, fuck the man, is what the average person could join in. Would you say like the non-crazy wrestling fan? Yeah, because it transcended the business. And it's like even if you were not a hardcore wrestling fan or a casual wrestling fan, and all of a sudden you hear all the guys talking about it,

and it's like, hey, man, you got to check this. I know you don't watch wrestling, but you got to watch this one guy. And all of a sudden that's what happened. It became that water cooler talk, and it transcended the business. And we feuded on and off for, what, two years. And that was like the icing on the cake. And, you know, like when Bret Hart came back from a knee injury and he handpicked me to wrestle in the Garden, the Survivor Series, about 96.

And then we do 13 in Chicago when we did the double turn. So it was matches along the way that kept building those things that would lead to what it did. I feel like you were the first. I don't know how into the Internet you are, but I don't know what memes are. I feel like you were a living meme. When we were younger, it would be like we want to stone cold things you'd be like throw us

milks in the cafeteria and just slam milks together that was that was i i think that was the first thing what you're saying is like water cooler talk for like us when we were younger it was like we just want to reenact exactly like whenever you were happy you just you stone cold and stuff it was it is cool because you know like and the little things like that or the totality of an angle or storyline you know people want to live vicariously through, you know, the things that we're doing and that you remember and are emotional to your evoke emotion from your feelings, whether it's enthusiasm or anger or happiness, whatever. When you when you can affect people on an emotional level, that sticks with people for life. Without a doubt. What would you say would be your, I think of Booker T in the grocery store

as one of the most more ridiculous things you've ever done. What would you say is the one that sticks out in your mind as far as wrestling goes? Man, that was pretty ridiculous. When you're doing the pizza, it's amore. Smashing them with the dough. That is all improv. That's all ad lib. I did walk through that store and see what was available.

Obviously, we're in a supermarket. Are you like a kid in a candy store, so excited to record that before you do? It was cool. The thing about it was Booker T was so cool. Me and Booker got along as soon as he came into WCW way back in the day. We've been friends forever and do that. But as far as ridiculous, I think when The Undertaker and Paul Bearer were going to

embalm me. That kind of pushed it a little bit. That was one of those ones where I kind of like, is this a good idea? Oh, god damn, that's a good idea. Horseshit, it was ridiculous. You're talking about the good ideas that went out.

Do you think the attitude era could work today with the way social media reacts to everything, with the way just kind of people are? Do you think that kind of, I guess, anti-authority would work? Oh, absolutely. You think so still? Yeah, I think people want to be entertained. I mean, and the thing about the attitude era, we were pushing an envelope.

And, of course, once I got the opportunity and Vince took those restrictions off me, I just kept the antics. I was always looking for something to do. I wasn't afraid to go out on a limb, push the envelope. And so I think, man, you watch those old Opens. You know when the pyro was coming down, those explosions, the excitement going into those

shows, and it was the Monday Night Wars. Nitro was throwing everything, but the kitchen sink at their audience, they were doing, you know, we were doing the same, but there was just that enthusiasm. It was like, you're hanging on the edge of your seat, and I think it can go, you can bring, you don't have to even push your envelope that, but bring

the energy back, and the intensity back, and the angles and the characters, but you don't have to even push you. Envelope that, but bring the energy back and the intensity back and the angles and the characters. But you don't even have to say one single cuss word. But it's energy. People are going there to be entertained. I mean, grab them by the damn throat. I feel like you're going from a five to a six. I feel like we're getting into seven right now.

Embrace them, man. So, yeah, people would just hang on the edge of their seats as that show was going on. It was the fastest two-hour show in the business. I do remember those. I feel like, you know, the world's gotten a little more touchy with certain things. Like, you know, maybe Val Venis chopping someone's penis off.

I don't know if that would fly. Val Venis getting his penis off. Val Venis getting his penis chopped off. Choppy, choppy, you're a pee-pee. When you're in the business, are you keeping apprised of everyone else's storylines? Or did you know what was going on with the other belts and the other wrestlers and the other nonsense? When you're in the business, are you keeping a prize of everyone else's storylines? Did you know what was going on with the other belts and the other wrestlers, the other nonsense?

Yeah, man. I mean, you really have to because you want to know what everybody else is doing. But, yeah, I'm focused first and foremost on what I'm doing. And I know they're going to hit me with a lot of good stuff. And I was the first guy that would go into a room like this. And Hunter has told the story. And if I didn't like an idea, once I got hot, because believe me, it took me seven and a half years to get an opportunity to get hot, and I wasn't going to let it slip away, I'd flat out tell you right before live TV,

bullshit, that sucks, I ain't doing it. Well, you got a better idea? Nope. That one sucks. I'd walk out of the room, I got to come up with something better. I forgot what the actual question was. Great answer. Was there a guy back in the Attitude Era, sorry,

was there a guy who had a finisher or a signature move of some sort that every night going out, if you had to work with him, you were like, oh, Jesus Christ, I've got to take the choke slam from Kane tonight? Was there a specific move that you were just always afraid to take? No, and I was so fortunate. I never took the recliner thing that the Steiners used to do or the Road Warriors used to do, the closed-lap top turnbuckle. The other guy was on this guy's shoulders.

I was never even asked. I was never put in that position. And with taking the choke slam from the Undertaker and Kane, both those guys are so, you know, big and bad and powerful. I mean, they could pick you up. I mean, you'd give them a boost up, and you're up there in the air. Yeah, I mean. If you watch Taker, I mean, they're taking care of you, and it's all about a flat back landing, but no, I feared nobody's finisher because they were all safe to take, and that was one of the key things. When you're trying to come up with a finish,

you want a finish that you can do to someone that weighs 140 and they're 5'6", or, you know, 7'3". And that stunner for me was that perfect finish. How does that come about? Fayetteville, North Carolina, right before Monday Night Raw taping. Michael P.S. Hayes of the fabulous Freebirds. You know, back when I was playing football in North Texas State and Denton, Texas, Dallas, Texas was 30 miles away. So the Von Erich feud with the Freebirds was famous in Texas

and worldwide, really, if you watch world-class championship wrestling. So anyway, we're in Fayetteville. He's an agent. He comes up to me. I'd been using the Million Dollar Dream because I had been the ringmaster, and we know I need a new finish. And he comes up to me and goes, hey, kid, you got a minute? I want to show you something.

It's Michael Byrd of the Freebirds. And I said, yeah, man. So we go into the ring, and there's a couple of enhancement talents, you know, guys that get beat. There's a couple of those guys around, and he shows me what it is, and I go through it a couple of times. And so that's when the stunner was invented. Other people have used it or whatever.

Mikey Wiprek, I think, was using it in ECW, whatever. No, no, no. That's yours, brother. Anyone else who tries to claim that, get the fuck out. And then, you know, a couple of months went by, and we're like, you know what? You know how Jake the Snake Roberts would do a DDT? Well, he'd always set it up with the short-arm clothesline

so that you knew what was coming up next. It built the anticipation. So that's when, again, Michael Hayes says, man, we need to come up with something. What about a kick to the gut? So Michael P.S. Hayes was very instrumental in the development of the stunner and the kick before the stunner. When you were developing that, did you ever think that at one point

you would stun the future president of the United States of America? Man, I tell you what, no. But here's how that went down. I was going to be the referee and it was team versus team and whoever's team lost you know they were the head of that team which was vince and trump we're gonna have to get their head shaved of course you knew donald trump wasn't gonna get his head shaved because it's pro wrestling it's also hard to shave a toupee so i don't know vince is gonna get shaved so all of a sudden vince comes to me and straight up this is the way it

happened we're back here there's 90 000 people out there at ford field and he goes steve come over Vince was going to get shaved. So all of a sudden, Vince comes to me and straight up, this is the way it happened. We're back here. There's 90,000 people out there at Ford Field. And he goes, Steve, come over here. I'm going to see if I can get Trump to take a stunner. I said, oh, bullshit. I said, you think you will? He goes, I know Donald.

He'll do it. So anyway, he goes, Donald, come over here. And he goes, Steve, this is Donald Trump. I said, hey, Mr. Trump, how are you doing? And I met him. He goes, listen, I was thinking about after everything's all said and done, Steve would hit you with his finish move. Well, what is it?

Well, it's called the stunner, and it kind of goes like this. And Donald Trump's right-hand guy all of a sudden goes, oh, no, no, no, no, you don't need to do that. There's a million reasons why you shouldn't do that, and here's why. But Donald said, he looked at Vince, and he goes, do you think it'll help the show? He goes, oh, Donald, I go crazy. So Donald Trump was man enough to go out there.

Now, we botched it. It wasn't the slickest stutter that I ever delivered. But I give him credit just from it, whatever anybody's opinion is, that he was cool enough in a Showtime event like that event to go out there and be a part of the show and make people happy, I dug it. I would say on the spectrum of people who can take and sell a stunner, it's Donald Trump over here and it's The Rock on the other side.

Dwayne Johnson flipping and flailing and jumping out of the ring every stunner. Is he your favorite sell of all time? Yeah. Because who would have figured? You know, that guy, I hit him with that stunner, and half the time I had to watch out because he'd crash over me in the rock. I mean, dude, he's always been like 275, and when his legs or whatever careened off the ropes and hit you in the head,

it's like, damn, that hurts. And who would have thought then as he was flip-flopping around the ring for a stunner that now today as we speak, he's the biggest movie star in the world. Unbelievable. You're welcome, The Rock. When's he going to repay you? When you join the Fastest? I know, man.

It's my favorite franchise there is. I need you. No, that's great. Myself and The Rock remain great friends, and he's busy doing his thing, and I'm doing mine. We rarely talk, but as soon as we get in a room together, it's like time never runs out. That's how you know people are best friends. When you don't need to keep up. When you get in a room, man, let's have a mine. We rarely talk, but as soon as we get in a room together, it's like time never runs out. That's how you know people are best friends.

When you don't need to keep getting in a room, let's have a beer with besties. It's unbelievable that... I love it. I love it. Speaking of having a beer, we would like to offer you a beer. I'd like to sit down and have one with you if you don't mind while we talk about Straight Up with Steve Austin. Yeah.

The new show. Pass me some Steve Weisers. God! Are you guys ribbing me? Really? I mean, we don't have this. Can I wrap this in a napkin? Yeah, sure.

Here's the thing. We know you got your IPA. Yeah, no, here's the thing. We got a chance. You don't have me in New York. They called – mom's a word. They called me to go down to Tampa a few weeks ago for the Raw reunion. I said, hey, man, I'll be able to bring my Broken Skull IPA, right? You know, so I brought a case of it down there,

and then they covered some dummy beers for all the superstars because I didn't have enough at the time. So, yeah, I'm drinking this with you guys. Broken Skull IPA is the way to go. Best IPA in America, and that's the bottom line. Not just because I said so, but because it fucking is. So we got straight up with Steve Austin. It is, I mean, the trailer that we saw has people ranging from Gabriel Iglesias, Rob Riggle, Baker Mayfield.

So you got every walk of life kind of living the Stone Cold Steve Austin life in a way, right? Yep. Yeah, it was a lot of fun, man. I got a phone call from people at USA Network, one of my agents, saying, hey, man, USA wants to pitch you a show. And I guess based on, you know, what they've seen me do, hosting other stuff, my podcast, they figured, hey, this might make for a good TV show. Kind of a day in the life with. And so, you know, myself and a celebrity guest, we'll go out and do some activities,

whether it's something that they're used to doing or something that comes from my world. And then we bond over that, have conversation. I ask them, you know, how they, you know, succeeded, got to the level they're at, or what's going on with them, like Dale Jr., as far as his retirement from the sport, one of the most beloved drivers in the history of NASCAR. So it's a show where it's a good time, and we're not just sitting around. We're doing cool stuff, and I'll always challenge them to stuff.

Everything's about a world championship to me. So it's a show that appealed to me because I love doing my podcast. Isn't that funny for you? It just seems like podcasting to me, we've been doing it for years now, and it's kind of like an internet nerdy thing. It's become so popular. And for someone like yourself who's like this crazy entertainer, this big wrestler, it's like now you just talk on the mic and you're very fucking good at it.

You know what, though, is so funny or so interesting about that? When I first started doing the podcast thing, I wanted to start a year before I did, but I didn't know anything about the technology of it. I had to get it out there. So Podcast One calls my agent, and they were looking for people that might maybe have some success at it. And they said, hey, man, Podcast One calls.

You interested in doing a podcast? I said, you're goddamn right I am. And so what it has done for me, you know, once I left WWE, you know, I had to retire from some injuries. And so you lose that global platform, you know, and obviously WWE, you know, is a gigantic, you know, machine. So the podcast at least gave me a voice to voice my opinion, talk with people, and still entertain the fans that I worked my ass off for all those years,

you know, to build that fan base to have communication with them. So it's a line of communication as I look to it. And, you know, I hope that straight-up Steve Austin hits. I want to continue it. But I'll continue my podcast just because it's my voice to the world, and I'm able to stay in touch with them. And that's – I hate to use the word organic, but that's really – just because it's my voice to the world, and I'm able to stay in touch with them. And that's, I hate to use the word organic,

but that's really it. Yeah, I mean, it's the most natural, authentic type of outlet there is. And by the same token, I mean, there are periods of times, I took a six-month break just because I needed a break because there was a lot of things going on. But, man, I could be pretty damn antisocial. So we about half an anti-social do a podcast i don't feel like talking to a motherfucker right now so i do q a but it's a

lot of fun and you know what when i started doing that podcast and people get a chance to listen to me talk and all of a sudden and just the same thing happened when i moved to la 15 years ago i'd walk into a room and people think, hey man, Stone Cold's coming, boat down everything. He's going to be mad. He's going to be crazy. He's going to cuss at everybody. He's going to flip chairs over and he's probably going to be drunk. All of a sudden people realized that I actually had a sense of humor. And so it enabled me to kind of grow or people to realize that that wasn't who and what I am 24-7, 365. I mean, I can understand where they're coming from.

But for anybody to not get that you're a humorous guy, I mean, like, you were very funny. I guess more towards the end. But you really leaned into the comedy thing even when you were still wrestling. Yeah, but we had to because when Booker T put me through that table at the Meadowlands Arena when he made his debut, it broke three transverse processes in my back. So I couldn't do anything to elicit heat or beat anybody up because I was in so much pain and physically unable. And then when I even started getting back into the ring, man, there was a doctor in every dressing room waiting to shoot me full of 60 milligrams of Toradol, which is a non-narcotic painkiller, but you feel nothing.

So the doctor's shooting me up. So we relied on comedy just to further storylines, further the heel turn, which I had went down, which in hindsight, retrospect, 2020, I should have never turned heel, but I pushed the envelope and grew the character. So you're a classic funny guy. You're being funny to mask the pain. Yeah.

You just had physical hurt. Yeah. Classic funny guy. You're being funny to mask the pain. Yeah, that's what we all do. You just had a physical hurt. How big of a pain in the ass was the what era? I mean. Still going on, kind of. Yeah, like every time you speak, you have to speak in paused chunks. And I broke that out when I was leaving a voicemail on Christian's phone. And I just was leaving this message, and I don't know why you don't answer your phone.

What? You're trying to avoid me. What? After I hung up, I left about a two-minute voice message. I was thinking, because I was a heel at the time, and I was thinking, man, you could really use this in an irritating fashion, like to talk to you and then just say what. Totally blow you off. So smug.

That's how it was intended. And then, of course, as a catchphrase, when I turned back baby to just put the pregnant pause in there, the what's going to come. And so everybody started, I'm loved and hated for creating the what chant. And it's so easy to work around it because if I continue to talk like this, you have no ability to say what because of cadence. So you can't escape the what chant. And these days, I think it's starting

to diminish a little bit because I think the crowd wants to tune in and hear what the WWE superstars want to say. And it's just such a, in a way, you know, sometimes wrestling fans are their own worst enemies because they can ruin so many moments.

You go to the Hall of Fame and they're catcalling. There's guys and girls out there that work their balls off or their ovaries off to get in the Hall of Fame and they're trying to pour out their heart or say thank you. Hey, you still got it and all this other stuff. Just be quiet so they can get their message across. The watch hand is kind of a barometer of whether or not someone can work with a crowd now, dude, just be quiet so they can get their message across. The what-chan is like kind of a barometer of whether or not someone can work with a crowd now, though, because even they can mix up the cadence and prevent it from happening.

It's like, all right, well, they can improv. They know what they're doing. And when I went to Tampa to do that reunion, I briefly started it so they could go back and get a little nostalgia of what in there, and then I sped up the cadence and continued with the message. But, yeah, it's both a curse. You can control the crowd. Yeah. yeah i mean that's wild to me like and because you you you really didn't come from like a wrestling background per se like like generations of family right you were no no i'm just a wrestling fan right and no like was there any classical training as far as

acting and entertaining and all that so you just you see in the low budget movies i didn't know so for you to just step in the ring like grab grab a mic and like, you know, you work your way up. Sure. But when you're controlling an arena of people, whether down to what they're saying or not saying, and you're just, you know, technically a regular fucking guy, it's unbelievable. Yeah. And it's really fun.

And it was funny because we went out to Tampa for that reunion show. And all of a sudden I kind of get the message about what we're going to do. And it's a raw, it's a family reunion. So, you know, and I'm kind of thanking everybody and, what we're going to do. And it's, it's a raw, it's a family reunion. So, you know, and I'm kind of thanking everybody and, you know, paying homage to my brothers and sisters who went up down the road with me. And I'm like, Hey, but this is very, uh, unstoned, unstoned called Steve Austin-ish. And so I just ad-libbed the promo.

But when I went out there and I got a massive pop and I drank those beers. And when I, uh, when I got those three hell yeahs out of that crowd, I got the first one while I was testing the crowd. That was actually an experiment. Right. And I'm thinking the whole time I'm out there, and I don't know what I'm going to say next. So I got a second one, and I said, I know I can get a third one,

and this is going to be the loudest one, and they did. These guys are on in for a ride. And there was a Sea of 316 church out there, so a lot of them were there to see me, so it was a great feeling. And then I just started talking. But, yeah, it's an interesting dynamic because also I had to deal with the 40 superstars who were out there and bring them down to the ring. Because if I were to just go out there and talk on a microphone for 10, 15,

20, 30 minutes, I can. But what I couldn't do was make them feel like they had to thumbs up their asses and they're just hanging around this window dressing. So I didn't want to alienate them. So we did it all, and it turned out gangbusters. And then I threw that mic up in the air, and I said, hey, man, I picked it back up and said, how much time we got left? Someone said 60 seconds.

And I hadn't been on live TV in a long time, but I love being on live TV. He says, all right, I make chicken salad out of chicken shit. Started talking to Jerry Briscoee and it was a great feeling. Being able to take people on a ride is fun. Well, that's why I have no doubt in my mind that straight up with Steve Austin will be a success because I don't care what format you're in, you got the gift of

gab and you know how to talk to people. I'm very interested to see it. It premieres on August 12th, Monday night on USA. Back to the old USA Network. Thank you so much for the years of wrestling, and I appreciate you coming through. Man, I appreciate you guys having me on the show. And, you know, I'm getting handed the audience from which I came from,

but also, you know, I hope to be able to grow the show to people because I do have a fan base now that doesn't even realize I did wrestle. Right. So to come back to my roots, get handed that audience, but then try to grow it. And that being said, I mean, you know, there's learning steps. There are learning curves along the way in this new journey. This is a different job than I've ever had.

So I learned a lot, and I want to apply it again to season two. So everybody set your fucking DVRs and watch the show so we get season two. Let's do it. That's the bottom line, brother. Stone Cold said so. Thank you. Thank you so much. Stone Cold Steve Austin was brought to you by Postmates.

I don't know if you can get Postmates at the Broken Skull Ranch, but if you're living in any of the major cities anywhere where there's cars, drivers, and delivery to be had, Postmates has got your back. 25,000 merchants all across their network. That means pretty much everywhere you go that matters. At least you're going to be able to get delivered food, booze, anything. Anything you need, man. Band-Aids.

Flowers. Sure. Probably. Why not? Band-Aids. My kids love Band-Aids. That's like what they play with now. They just open them up and stick them on things.

Themselves, me, clothes. There are wrappers all the fuck over my apartment And I tried to tell I told Shay Here's your cup You have to put the bandaid The rappers in the cup And she just fucking doesn't care about them

She just doesn't listen at all Did you give her a cup? I give her a cup every time She just smashes it down I say to her I'm like Then she'll run off into her room I'm like

Shay, where's your cup? She goes She just shrugs I'm like You know where the cup is it's right where you left it go get it because there are rappers everywhere but the point was we got back from the pool she was tired having a meltdown i want the hello kitty rappers i want the hello kitty band-aids i went on postmates i went to the the walgreens on there

i could order down to the hello kitty wow yeah. Yeah, it was like, bam, the exact things she wanted. So I can help you get through the witching hour with your kids before bedtime. Go to Postmates, download the app, use the promo code KFC at checkout, and you're going to get $100 of free delivery for your first seven days. So sign up, and for the first week, you get $100 of stuff delivered to you for free, and you can get it delivered 24-7, 365. That's Postmates, promo code KFC. You're a good dad, man.

Yeah, man. I try. You know, last night was like one of my first nights staying up late, like since I've started being in a better mood. So I slept in a little bit today. You're a happy person. I was up until like 8.30. Uh-huh. You know why I was up so late last night?

I didn't even remember it until like now. Why? I was like 11.30. I was going to go to bed last night? I didn't even remember it until like now. Why? I was like 1130. I was like, going to go to bed. And then I couldn't fall asleep. This is so goddamn weird. I was writing my dad's eulogy. Your dad's totally fine.

Totally fine. Totally fine. Tell you what, Bob. When you kick it, I got that. You got some fire on that? I got that. Heat! Why were you doing that?

I don't know. Did you watch a movie or something? Nothing like that happened. You were just like, in case my dad's that was just like do you ever because it's not the first you would you ever in I I kind I've helped write one no I don't mean like oh I mean like I mean like laying in bed definitely not have done no have not see fuck cuz we had the other two like similar things we do laying down yeah yeah yeah I've never That one's not as regular for me.

When you say you wrote it down, are you just like, fuck? No, no, no, no. But I got it. It's done. Yeah. No, I wrote it. It's a written eulogy. Holy shit.

How are you envisioning him dying? Grizzly or just like old age? Probably of old age, yeah. No, it wasn't like a pending thing. He's good. Yeah, he's not like a low. Your dad might live to like a buck thing. He's good. He's not like a low. Your dad might live to like $1.20. He's in such good shape.

He'll probably outlive me. You better have a good eulogy for me because I'll tell you what. This thing is fucking dead out of the den. It's really good stuff. You are a sick pup. I don't know why. I don't know why. It was like I was laying in bed.

I was really tired. I actually was really tired. I was reading during the Red Sox-Yankee game, and I fell asleep. And I was like, all right, I'm going to eat dinner, and then I'm probably going to go to bed. I was really tired. I actually was really tired. I was reading during the Red Sox-Yankee game, and I fell asleep. And I was like, alright, I'm going to eat dinner, and then I'm probably going to go to bed. And once I got in bed, just couldn't fall asleep. And then... Time for the eulogy, naturally.

Just like, you know, one thing leads to another. You know, write no obituaries and shit. Yeah. I was... I think you're going to be... Are you? I'm stuck. I was like I was. You don't do it. Fuck. Is anyone else in here? I thought that was kind of. I think you're going to be. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, yeah. All right.

I'm stuck. I was like, I think you might be on an island on this one, bro. I mean, I've thought about it. I wouldn't say I wrote it. Yeah. I like. I had the mannerisms. I've thought about.

That's like. Point over to the father. Oh, you're sick. Wow. You did choreography? Yeah. You're like. Oh, man. You're like hoping this happens.

You're like, I can't wait. It is really good. Like if John dies early, it's like, it doesn't matter that I didn't live half my life. It just means that I'm upset I didn't get to do my dad's eulogy. I didn't get to give that eulogy. I don't even think sons give eulogies. Eulogies are usually given by someone a little more distant in the family, right? I don't think there's any rules to it.

I've actually thought about this. It's almost like being the best man. It's like, yeah, it's usually the brother, but do you have any friends or someone that you would pick to be the best man? You also think about would you be chosen to give the eulogy, but I did not sit there and write it. I certainly didn't do blocking. I'll enter stage left. At this point, look off into the distance You have crib notes and shit

Like non-verbal notes Long pause Again the crowd's going what Our thing is always like It's definitely saving the world You know like being like Not saving the world And then talking to Jimmy Fallon

And then talking on to Colbert And it's – But now I've never done – You know what I'm going to do now? Write a eulogy. Probably tonight. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I'll have to write my dad's eulogy too. I'll have to do it. Fucking A. You are one sick bastard. Yeah. I was eating a Popsicle during it. It was just laying in bed eating a Popsicle. It was a disaster.

Which kind? Oh, boy. I got these new kind of popsicles I've been getting. They are delicious. What flavor? They're strawberry dipped in dark chocolate. Oh, that's like a ice cream bar hybrid almost. It's just a thin layer of chocolate

which can be a pain in the ass as my bed right now will attest to because it kind of breaks a little bit. And then I wake up covered in melted chocolate. You know what? I'm super happy to hear that because I have not liked the new John, and I just want – some things will never change. John will eat highly inappropriate foods in his bed. That's still going on. I don't care for the happiness. I don't care for on i don't i don't care for the happiness

i don't care for the rising early i don't care for the productivity i just happy to know that you're still got you're that kid remember that kid who was rubbing the ice cream cone on his head that's you in bed yeah it was like bouncing off my chest i was like ah wait i'm sleeping in bed naked like fishing under my ass for a piece of ice no it's dropping for the rest of the air dude but disgusting the chocolate just reminded me of a story i told recently i forget where i told it but it was during the blackout tour days uh-huh and it was one of the i i left this uh the hotel cleaning lady my per diem that day day. I think we get like... She earned it. She earned it. So went home with a blackout tour, went home with a girl,

and didn't have sex with her. No, not happening. Just not happening. Late night. Woke up in the morning, she's gone. And it was... Oh, no. A disaster.

It was bad news bears. Like everybody peed the bed or something? Nope, no urine. A disaster It was Bad in his bed It was Everybody pee the bed or something? Nope, no urine It was like The Godfather Oh no It was like I woke up with a horse head in my bed

Oh no So you didn't have sex with her But something was going on Yeah I'm gonna guess it was something about menstruation No, it was just all over the sheets It was everywhere No, but I mean, yes Were you about menstruation. No, it was just all over the sheets. It was everywhere. No, but I mean, yes.

Were you fooling around? No, don't fool around. So that was just like it just bled everywhere. Yeah, it was like tossing and turning. I guess as I was tossing and turning in the middle of the night, I was just swapping uterine wall everywhere. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God.

He even used the word swamp. Uterine wall. So anyway. Oh, my God. So then I always. That was the one. I've never been that fucking grossed out on the podcast until now. So I always get.

I don't request it, but if it's possible, I do it. I'm a two-bed guy. I don't get one king. I'm like, I'll take two fulls, right? So back then it was just like we're always getting them. I'll take two fulls. I usually just lay my clothes on it or whatever. Just an extra safety net.

Yeah. So we were there for two nights. It was in D.C., I believe. And so I'm like, well, fuck it. I'll just use the other bed tonight yeah oh you just let it sit so i came home shit-faced from the second blackout show and was just rummaging through the uh minibar fell asleep on a snickers uh so she thought she was cleaning up blood and shit i left notes i left a note next to the stickers. That's a candy bar. That's what you think it is.

Candy, not poop. And then on the other one, I put not a murder. Please don't call the police. Here's $100. Not a murder. Not poop, not murder. Because that girl probably has to be like, yeah, this might be evidence.

It was so much blood. It was crazy. Are you sure you didn't fuck? A hundred percent positive. Did you put your fingers in there? Nope. You pulling it out? No. That night I wasn't even really drunk.

That night I wasn't really drunk. Sometimes if we had back-to-back nights, I'd be like, okay, keep in control of this one. Go crazy next night. I got a day off. So I wasn't even that drunk. I know we didn't hook up. I know we didn't fuck. I know we didn't hook up. I know we didn't. I mean, I know we didn't like fuck. I know we didn't do anything.

Thank you. Just kind of like got home, passed out. God damn, dude. And then I woke up to it. It was just a scene, man. The bodily fluids are. Yeah, I got it. I think the chocolate is worse.

The chocolate is not worse. No, it's not worse. It's just chocolate. Tons of blood. I would rather deal with a lot of blood than a lot of poop. Oh, but not chocolate. Right, but I'm saying if I look at two beds, I'm like, that one's blood, that one's shit. Well, I mean, at that point, you've got to just burn it all down, right?

I hope they just ball those up and throw them out. Yeah, that's tough if you're going back to, let's say it was at the Weston in D.C. You're getting recycled sheets. I mean, they probably, you know, all the other bodily fluids, but I think if it's stained with blood, they probably have a responsibility to just burn those. No. Yeah, they probably have a responsibility to call the police. You can't just listen to a note and see how the murder goes.

Well, I said it was not a murder. Well, all right. As a matter of fact, I would be like, that's a murder. Yeah, like, oh, I don't know. I thought someone had, like, an injury. Now I think someone's been murdered because you left me a note saying, no, it's not. be like, that's a murder. Yeah, like, I don't know. I thought someone had, like, an injury. Now I think someone's been murdered because you left me a note saying, no, it's not. I promise it's not a murder. That's what all the murderers would say.

What have you been doing in this room? Literally nothing. Not even fucking, not nothing, I promise. Not nothing. Not fucking, not nothing. Goodness fucking gracious. Let's get into voicemails, huh? Wait.

No, we got to uh weird relationship oh yeah yeah okay so we started this episode we didn't even talk about we really we're running on here no all right we can uh okay so i can um i i uh i did not fall asleep last night either i was going down a full-blown rabbit hole of old wwf stuff just stone cold best moments the whole nine had me super nostalgic for uh that entire era uh and it it and then i wake up this morning and i see uh the headlines about lindsey lohan who in that era i mean that was her prime oh that was like she that was her her redhead frat was wondering where you're going with that when you really tied it in i got you i got you i landed the plane because in that era she was really tied it in. Good job. I got you. I landed the plane. Because in that era, she was – think about it.

I mean she was up there with those tits and some of the – the two things she did that stuck out in my mind are that one picture in the purple bikini with the red hair and the freckles. And then she was Hermione on SNL, I think. She did like an SNL skit with Harry Potter and just had like bombs out. No, that was Katy think. She did, like, an SNL skit with Harry Potter and just had, like, bombs out. No, that was Katy Perry. She did some of those. Lindsay Lohan did that as well? Okay.

Did they do both of them? I know it's a Katy Perry. Katy Perry did something, but, yeah, she was... They both did it, I think. Because I have... I was going to say, the two things that stick out are that, her and the Harry Potter world. She was hot to fucking trot, man.

The Mean Girls run. I mean, she, she, one of the weirdest things about Lindsay Lohan, and maybe it's not weird, but, like, those pictures, the hottest thing she's ever done to me is none of those. Let's get arrested. Oh, her mug shots. But, no, it's just the actor. But just that she's the type of person.

Well, that's because you're a crazy person and you love lunatics. There's still old Johns sitting there. I'm like Logan Paul, like, ex-controversial. I'm ex-crazy. Yeah, yeah, you're recovering. You you're a crazy person and you love lunatics they're still old johns i'll be logan paul x controversial i'm x crazy yeah yeah you're recovering you're recovering crazy person speaking of logan paul's never gonna walk again by the way yeah i mean like and then like that night he was jumping around on stage in ibiza crowd jumping i was like you should not be walking i was like i was like a dad i wanted to reach out and be like logan you're never gonna walk again like please please elevate that ice He said he's transforming into Thanos. That's how purple it looks. Yeah, it was bad, man.

So, yeah, you're an ex-crazy. Most people like the mug shots that came from it. Not the crime. Not the breaking of the law. But I see what you mean. I'm both. She's a bad girl. But for us, that's it.

I mean, that's where it stops. She fell off. She became too crazy. Her looks kind of fell off along with, like, her behavior. But like anything else in this world, a lot of these celebs have huge, huge power overseas. And I guess Lindsay Lohan is still the it girl in the Middle East. And I'm going to call it like it is. She's been purchased by a

sultan she's been purchased by like a very bad saudi arabian man well she i i guess you know if you're like if you're hot over there and you want to be i'm sure i'm looking for the blog right now if you're hot over there and you wanna you know get with somebody i guess this is the guy to do it like the big money oil saudi guys how sheiks and shit yeah she's she's not with a sheep what's his name like muhammad al-sabine or some shit muhammad bin salman muhammad bin salman it's mbs pretty dangerous to me and that i know is a lot of profiling but god damn it well no it's not profiling because mbs is like one of the most dangerous people on the planet world mbs is who killed jamal kalagashi just chop him up he just had him murdered mb is i hope that's how you pronounce it is it kalagashi it's something

on those lines it's the washington post reporter and i forget what embassy he was in but mbs isn't like the you know he's not like dating like us where it's like the worst thing that happens is like I kind of say something bad about you on a podcast. Like MBS is, worst thing that happens is he sends a kill squad to a different country to chop you to pieces in a basement. That's worst case scenario here. You know what? I feel like if there's anybody like I guarantee you Lindsay Lohan still wears the pants in that relationship. No! I bet you she is ordering him around.

I bet you – What are you – are you the craziest person on the planet right now? I guarantee it. I guarantee it because if he – That's probably what he's paying for. Yes. Like you're not – you don't go out of your way to basically purchase Lindsay Lohan unless you're – it's almost like Kim Jong with the fucking –

I don't think you know how sex slavery works. Oh, no. I think that this is not like – I think that he – listen. If you want a sex slave, you just buy it straight up like Taken. You just buy one. You get a dime a dozen. He wants Lindsay Lohan. He thinks Lindsay Lohan is like the it girl that we were describing from back then.

I think MBS wants to control quite literally everything. But in this specific scenario, the former star of Herbie Fully Loaded. Because that's what's still her top billing is. In the page six article on this, it says, the former Herbie fully loaded star. Isn't it crazy when you see people who have big time celebrity name, but they haven't done a goddamn thing, really? Herbie fully loaded, I don't think I'd hit puberty yet. I think I was probably 11. She had the parent trap in Mean Girls as far as I'm concerned.

I don't even know about fucking Herbie. Oh, I knew about Herbie. But that guy wants – he thinks she's the hot shit girl. I don't think he just wants like a virgin to fuck. And I hope not because you ain't getting one with Lizzie. I think he is probably like – I bet you she still could tell him what to do. I don't think so. Why else would you buy her? I think you –

Go buy someone who's not famous. But you're controlling a famous person now. I mean like this is – She's just the cheapest available. That would be like – Saudi Arabia, I don't know exactly what the laws are there. But I mean I can't imagine it's a full-on women's rights. I think it's like the Republicans who end up being gay.

I don't think the suffragettes have made their way over there I think it's like the Republicans who end up being gay. I don't think the suffragettes have made their way over there yet. I think it's the Republicans who end up being gay. I think it's like the baddest thing in the world is that I let my girl, like, show her eyes. Like, show more than her eyeballs when she goes out in public. I don't know. I think he wants the fair-skinned, big-tits, redhead, fully Americanized Western girl. And that she is still I mean power the pussy bro you can even be a murderous sultaness

sultan oil baron and this girl could probably still be like MBS get home right now and he's like he's got like one of those envoys where they have to drive through fucking Dubai or some shit did you just buy another McLaren?

How fucking dare you? And you're just going to keep it in the apartment? That's what you're doing? I watch a lot of Fast and Furious this weekend. That's Fast 7 for you. You're just keeping it in a safe? Are you kidding me? You're caging the beast?

You are. I feel like you probably are the biggest Fast and the Furious fan. I'm definitely up there. Like I think – you know what? I always say like, oh, I'm a fan of like always Sonny, but if I went to like trivia night, it would be like they ask questions. You have no fucking idea. I bet you you could do it like with the Fast and the Furious. I bet I'd do pretty well.

Yeah. Yeah, I bet I'd do pretty well. Because you're the only one who takes it that seriously. Everyone else is like, oh, I don't remember which one was that. You're like, oh, that was halfway through. No, because there are so many now. I watched almost all of them this weekend. I don't remember which one was that. You're like, oh, that was halfway through. No, because there are so many now. I watched almost all of them this weekend. I didn't watch the –

Jesus Christ. I literally – I had two. Was there ten? All I did this weekend was watch Fast and Furious and Red Sox. That's it. And the – I have a bit of Revelation. Oh, boy. You're scaring me with Revelations these days.

I didn't really care for Hobbs and Shaw. Whoa! It is my second – I mean, look, it was very. I didn't really care for Hobbs and Shaw. Whoa! It is my second. I mean, look, it was very enjoyable. I had fun at it. I'm probably going to go see it again. When I say I didn't care for it, I mean in the spectrum of the fast world.

It is my second to least favorite one. Holy cow. It loses a lot of its essence. I mean, yeah. It's not Fast and the Furious. Right. You know, it's like they they probably had to do that a little bit to separate it yeah you can't just make it again without so it's like vin diesel not in it at all not at all so you kind of change it a little bit even if it's

for the worse yeah i mean it's the same characters it's they they kind of i'm going to talk about it on light's care bar so this weekend is he just elbow like a superhero does he have like superpowers um not like super technology? Super technology. Got it. Super tech. Everyone's still just – He's the black Superman.

Yeah. By the way, that guy teasing that Fast and the Furious could go to space, like that has to happen now. Yeah. It will. Mars, bitches. M-A-R-S. Like we need spaceships for sure. It's too funny.

Hobbs and Shaw. Yeah. It just tries to be A little too funny The first half hour Jokey jokey It gets like There's not enough

Fast and Furious There's no The family There's no fury Like I don't got friends I got family Yeah Hobbs isn't as good at that

You need someone Taking it too seriously Yeah Like they're almost admitting That they're a joke When the joke is better When it's like John Toretto is acting Like it's the end all be all.

But they know it's a fun movie. All the past years they know it's a fun movie. But Don Toretto doesn't act like that really, right? No, no, no, no. It's almost like they're breaking the fourth wall. Vin Diesel knows Don doesn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But instead the characters all take it very seriously and that's like the point.

And it's just a little bit – it's a little little too the first half hour is a little too buddy copy they don't really get like a car chase scene until like maybe 45 minutes i mean the one they show in the in the trailer stick with the helicopter and the yeah i mean like that's a highlight of the movie yeah the rock goes he is not a superhero he is not captain america but he does exactly what captain america does in Winter Soldier, maybe, when it's like holding a helicopter and holding something else. It's like, this guy is just a federal agent. He can just do it. He is not a superhero.

Well, you know, it depends on your definition, really. I did not care for the Euphoria finale. It was terrible. It was such a disappointment. That show has been getting better and better each week for me. I feel like the people who like Euphoria really like it and the people who don't even know

about it, but it was worse than Game of Thrones. The finale was so bad. Really? I mean, it was the season finale, I think. I'm pretty sure they're signed on for season two. Yeah, they did. I think they might have gotten two and three. So that maybe is why they didn't resolve a motherfucking thing. So maybe they're just like, they might have got two and three. So that maybe is why. They didn't resolve a motherfucking thing. So maybe they're just like,

see you next season. But holy shit, that was fucking terrible. And my favorite guy, the dude we talked about who looked like Mac Miller, they just plucked off the street. He's not an actor.

And it was like, almost everybody who watches that show was like, yeah, we know. It was weird. They made that big thing in the show? No, but it was just like, everybody who watched him, I was like, you could tell this dude was just They made that a big thing in the show? No, but it was just like everybody who watched him, I was like –

you could tell this dude was just like maybe a drug dealer in real life. The way he talked, I was like this is not an actor. This is just like some dude that they found, and that's exactly what happened. The article was awesome. He was just like some chick approached me on the street and was like, you need to come to do this casting for this show. And he was like – I didn't want to give him my phone number because I thought it was a scam, which is so – that's so real to me i'd be like give the fuck this is yeah like uh chances are i always think about like well when i inevitably get robbed or something and i have to

tell people yeah like someone came on the street and told me i was gonna be an actor like i'm thinking about the worst case scenario how dumb i would look and he just did it he read some lines but it's funny because he got the lines and he's like, I switched them around. I changed it to make it sound like me. So there was like a moment where he like took, you know. I almost think if you are going to do that, you have to be like, well, I got to go all in on it. Like I got to like the chances of this working for me just being off the street like slim. But if I like actually change the words and make it my thing like it'll you know maybe it comes real so anyway this guy was like i almost feel bad because usually that's like

wow did you know he wasn't even an actor like he just got the part and everyone was kind of like yeah no fez wasn't a fucking actor no fucking kidding of course not so uh euphoria stunk terrible um we kind of got it off track there lindsey lohan l Lohan. What's the whole thing we're going to do? What's the weirder relationship, Lindsay Lohan or P. Diddy? Oh, my God, P. Diddy. Dude, P. Diddy is dating his son's ex-girlfriend, 22 years old, Steve Harvey's daughter. That is some Maury Povich, some Shakespearean type of weird shit. And I don't like it. I i like puffy i like his whole family

i've always liked his whole vibe you can't go stealing your son's ex-girlfriend you still you're my dad you still my ex-girlfriend guess what i got a eulogy on deck yeah bro i got that but if your dad's a like a a rapper mogul worth a billion does that change or no no no i always think it makes it worse right yeah dude you can give anybody anybody like and then like that that would and isn't that embarrassing like for everybody first of all i mean she's she's a pretty girl but like you know puffy used to date cassie she's like the hottest chick to ever walk the fucking earth so underrated because i think puffy like kept her locked away it's like you're mine and nobody else can have you. She is like the most exotic, blended, gorgeous girl.

This girl is not worth being like the dad who's known as stealing your son's girl, is it? I mean, I don't know what girl would ever be worth that, but I don't think it's her. If my dad stole my girlfriend, I'm like, okay, fine. You live with, she lives with you now. I'm moving in with my therapist. Yeah. Because we got a lot we're going to talk about. And then like this just extra little stick of dynamite steve harvey's in the mix like what

why you're on a double date with steve harvey and his girl with your son's ex who's you know i don't understand how harvey as like a diehard catholic can allow that or a dire christian like i feel like does that break the rules i... No, honestly, I feel like it's actually some biblical shit. I feel like it's actually hardcore Christian. Like, and then you fuck the son's girl,

you know what I mean? And then the Lord said... You find out that the son has a richer father? That's who you're dating now. Yeah. That is probably some biblical stuff.

Yeah, the Christianity of, like, get that collection basket going, Puffy. But, like, I mean, how many times has Puffy been divorced? Yeah, well, he's been... I'm sure the

bible says he should have been murdered yeah yeah absolutely absolutely yeah you can't you can't always go by that but i mean like as as the son that's it you have to be like estranged from your father right you can't like i mean there's like you certainly can't be around them no i can't go to feel like i'm i'm yeah no we're not in the family anymore i can't it's not even god i don't know how serious their relationship was but just like that's how little you think of me. Like my friends who aren't connected by blood, who didn't wipe my hands. They wouldn't do that. My friends wouldn't do this.

Yeah. Unless that just is – maybe that's why. Maybe Puffy's like, you're the worst. Maybe he hates his son. He's like, no, I don't care. Maybe it is just like he's burning the ships. Yeah. I don't even – I never even liked you.

I want you out of my life. I don't care for you at all. I'm going to cock you the hardest I think this is weirder Than dating a known murderer I think this is weirder Than Lindsay Lohan dating MBS Also I love calling him MBS

Because I feel like I'm in White House Down Are you down with Angel Has Fallen? Dude that one looks awesome I'll be seeing it Before it comes out i didn't know that was coming gerard butler is regarded as like box office poison he always stinks yeah but they've

made like three olympuses now yep olympic like fallens yeah uh so those have got to be working somewhat i would imagine so um i don't know but like that the article that was the new york i think was new york post which i don't put a ton of stock in. I haven't seen that anywhere else. Oh, they should have times. I was like, we should put some stock in there. Yeah, the Post is trash. Even the Post is calling for no guns anymore, by the way.

That's when you know maybe the argument's over. Yeah, I saw that. It was like, Rupert Murdoch says this. Yeah, watch out. Apparently runs the world. I've only seen that in a New York Post article. So that's... By the way, Rupert Murdoch is Parker

Wembley in that new Seth Rogen movie. Is that who he's supposed to be? That's what I was thinking the whole time. Oh, yes. If you haven't seen the new movie with Seth Rogen, The Long Shot, you should watch it. It's a good romantic comedy. He comes on his own face. Spoiler alert.

That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable. It's good power. It's a good shot. For Seth Rogen to be the status that he is, 36 years old only. He's only 36? Isn't that depressing? Wow.

Were you not there the other day? Because that's when – who else was 36? Whitney Cummings. She'll be on the show this week. I was 38. Either way, she was younger. She's so accomplished. I was like, fuck, these people are relatively my age and way more accomplished.

Sutherland was 36 years old, and he's made everything he's made. Five classics. And yet he's like, yeah, no, I'll call him on my face in this movie. Like, Seth, I don't need to do that anymore, but okay. I think that dating a – I think it matters who you are like lindsey lohan is a freak and her life is fucked and it all blew up and like she's like i don't know i'll just like live with this murderous guy like puffy has like the world going for him and and he chooses to just like totally ruin his own son's life yeah i mean p mean, Puffy's like, I don't think people think about Puffy anymore.

Puffy's what, the third richest rapper? I think ordinarily, like within a couple years, he had like the number one year. Yeah. For a good stretch. He made like $130 million in like 2017. Yeah. And he hasn't put out an album in, you know what I mean? Like, yeah.

If you do not get murdered murdered if you're a rapper you become a billionaire that's it jay-z puffy dr dre like let these guys flourish they'll become a billionaire don't murder them uh but like it's just you know that guy that son like everywhere he goes all his friends it's not even about the girl it's like it's just about the level of disrespect where my life is now ruined disrespect yeah i'd rather if you could pick if it was like uh my mom dates like a a murderous sultan or my mom or my my dad fucks my ex-girl what are you picking and your mom's safe like she won't be she's not in sexual slavery and she's not going to get murdered but it's like you're known as that guy's mom is down with uh you know saudi

arabian murderer or that guy got cucked by his own dad i think i'm going with that you want you want it which i think is the weirder one yeah um excuse me um the uh but i i don't god bless i don't want thank you my mom i don't want my mom dating mbs what is it what if she's happy she's like john i love i love this guy too Too bad. Too bad. You know what? I don't want my parents happy. I don't care if you want to date my girlfriend, Dad. No, you can't be happy with her. Mom, you don't get to date anybody. You're a mom. That's it. It's over for you.

Shit. This is a fucked up world. I'm sure we'll find something even more fucked up with our voicemails today. Brought to you by CB Distillery. There's a lot of CBD oil craze going on right now, but CB Distillery is the number one out there to get CBD oil, to get CBD lotions, to get CBD in any form, any way to help you alleviate stress, to help you sleep at night, to help alleviate pain. There's ingestibles. There is topicals.

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20% off. 20% off. Hey, did you do that math problem that went viral? Yeah, it's 1. 2. I forget. Nah. It's not 16.

Shut up. 16. That's why math is so goddamn fucking stupid. I'll tell you why you're stupid. No, no. Hang on a second. Can we actually put that up or something? It's so... Ooh, goddamn. up or something? It's so...

Oh, goddamn. It's actually... Whoa. Whoa. Settle. If you're watching on gold, John just threw a temper tantrum. How did that come out? Barstoolgold.com slash KFC to watch John just have a fucking...

Oh, I was like, hang on. I might have just done something. I'm the strongest man in the world! No, this is a rip. Whole side open. The math problem that went viral... I feel like it missed Barstool. Barstool, I didn't... Nobody talked about this. You're a math fucking idiot.

It makes perfect sense why the answer is 16. Okay, Mr. Math, tell me why it's 1. You dumb fuck. I don't remember the equation. It's eight divided by two parentheses two plus two. Okay. So you do the parenthetical first.

Right. Four. Four. Then you multiply. No. Shut the goddamn hell up, man. Shut the goddamn hell up. So I agree that you do the parentheses.

Then after the parentheses, why don't you just go back to left to right Because I said so Yeah that's why No It's that simple In society we go left to right No it's not that simple It is that simple

You go left to right Except for PEMDOT This is bigger than the equation Kevin This is just a sign Why math Is the stupidest fucking thing In the history of the world Because there are mathematicians

And professors And fucking theorists Arguing about this on the internet. I don't think there are. They're arguing about it. I don't think so. Oh, there are a significant amount of people who say one or two, whatever the answer is, I forget. I don't think any of them are smart people.

There's one and there's 16. One and 16. Okay, it's one. I think even the regular people are arguing. I think that the mathematicians are like, it's 16. This is why, but this is like, can you imagine? By the way, the computer. Since when do you not trust technology on that kind of shit? You put it into Google, it's 16. This is why. But this is like – And the computer, by the way. By the way, the computer. Since when do you not trust technology on that kind of shit?

You put it into Google. It says 16. Why would you – All right, fine. I didn't do it. Then it's 16. But whatever. But just the fact that there is – like people arguing.

Like people don't argue about how to spell onomatopoeia. That's just how it's done. There's an argument being had, and that's why math is so fucking stupid. No, I think that the argument is just – I think that the argument is like some people are saying the sky is yellow. They're just wrong. You can argue. No.

You can yell about it. But there's not a significant amount of people who say the sky is yellow. There's a crazy person here and there. There are a significant amount of people saying one. There could be significant people who are wrong. The fact that there's a debate being had here on this internet. There's a debate to be had. I don't know if it's to be had, but it's being had.

No, see, I said that about LeBron. I was like, listen, there's enough people out there who are either down with the shoe or not down with the shoe, but that's a subjective matter. This is that there is a right and wrong number. And if you are saying the wrong number, but you're just saying it loudly with other people, it doesn't matter. No. I'm going to find out. I mean, I know it. number but you're just saying it loudly with other people it doesn't matter it's no the king i'm gonna find out i'm i mean i i know it it's eight divided by two parentheses two plus two no i know but all all of the mathematicians because i looked it up because i i i could understand where one came

from but you do this look here's how here's how math would go john if this was not there right you would just go left to right. Grab the mic. We're on Barstool Gold. We're just forgetting about the podcast here. You would just go left to right if you covered up that parenthetical. So it would be 8 divided by 2, right? That equals 4.

Now the parentheses tell you to do something else out of order. The order is left to right. We are going out of order because of the parenthetical. So you do the 2 plus 2. That is 4. You go back to left to right after that. Why would you just continue to do things completely out of order after parentheses are gone?

The standard convention holds that multiplication and division have equal priority. To break the tie, we work from left to right. So the division goes first on this. Yes! More generally, the conventional order of operations is to evaluate expressions of parentheses first then you deal with any exponents

next come multiplication and division which as I said are considered to have equal priority finally come addition and subtraction which are also blah blah blah so when they're equal you just do left to right so it's a pedmask bodemask thing yeah I've never even heard of bodemask you tell me there's not a debate

I'm tired of reading this I'm just scrolling this whole New York Times article this is explaining the whole fucking thing that guy didn't have something to write about for the day You're telling me there's not a debate. I'm tired of reading this. I'm just scrolling this whole New York Times article. This is explaining the whole fucking thing. That guy didn't have something to write about for the day. Because what you just read in one sentence is the answer. You go left to right. They have equal... Some people think the answer is 100, Kevin. This is the problem with math.

There's no sense to it. You cannot get to 100. Math is just... It's just philosophy with numbers. It's divided by something. You cannot get to 100 from that. Math philosophy with numbers. It's divided by something. You cannot get to 100 from that. Math is philosophy with numbers. There's no real answer. Nobody's saying 100. I swear, it's the

fucking byline of the New York Times. No fucking shot. The math equation that tried to stump the internet. Sometimes Bode Moss is just Ped Moss by another name, and no, the answer is not 100. It fucking makes perfect sense, dude. It does make perfect sense. It's stupid, just like math. Go left to right, unless answer is not 100. It fucking makes perfect sense, dude. It does make perfect sense. It's stupid just like math.

Go left to right unless there is parentheses. It's a dumb thing. It's a dumb thing. There's no right answer. Who knows what it could be? We'll never know. Pedmas, Bodmas, suck my ass. How about that?

Pedmas, Bodmas, your mother my ass. How about that? Bed mass, boat mass, your mother's ass. Let's let her rip. Hey, KFC Fights. Super producer BC. I have a funny story that happened to me a couple years back. Basically, I went to a Halloween party at one of my good friend's houses.

Got pretty drunk. Went back home with my girlfriend to my parents' house after just to crash, uh, wake up the next morning, uh, in my parents' bed, not knowing why I'm there, kind of where the fuck I am. So I wandered sort of belligerently back into my bedroom, uh, call my, my dad who was out. Um, my parents were not in the bed with me, by the way. Call my dad to see what the hell happened. He informs me apparently at around 6 a.m. I wandered into their bedroom butt naked, actually got into bed with my dad who also sleeps butt naked and start fully, you know, spooning him. He actually has a sleep apnea machine. I pulled that out apparently in my sleep.

I'm, you know, hearing him tell me this over the phone, kind of jaw hits the floor. I don't believe what he's telling me. I think he's fucking with me, but apparently it's actually true. My parents are trying to shake me awake, and I apparently was just completely comatose. So I thought it was a pretty funny story. I turned it into a would you rather.

Would you rather do what I did and have gotten in on your dad's side or gotten in on your mom's side but your mom is fully clothed. I'm taking what I did every time because my dad just kind of made fun of me about it for like two, three months and that was it. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Dude, that is a tough one to get the sleep

apnea out. It's definitely your dad. You always do sexual stuff with your dad. That's the answer you never you fuck him you blow him you jerk him whatever it is at the other side of the equation the other side of the mathematical equation is your mother you take your father you put your dad in the back parentheses because you're doing that first yeah no but uh that's a tough this is this i can't believe i there's a period of time when you hit like college and you're coming home when you when you really like in high school you're

drinking but maybe you're not like fully in your prime when you're like back home from college and you're doing your heavy drinking but you're still coexisting with your parents some shit can get weird i luckily i never did that um because yeah i I would. But I'm stunned that like it's a funny thing. I guess I didn't grow up like that. This wouldn't be a that wouldn't be funny. This would be a sit down. We're talking. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to you got to rein it in a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you ever push your dick up against my butt again. My naked butt. Don't you ever try. I mean, he tried to kill his dad.

You think that's enough? Like, like, I might try to fuck me he tried to kill his dad. He got me off. He tried to fuck me. He tried to murder me. Got to stop drinking. Maybe both. Whatever it is, we got to have a talk. When I was in – I don't know.

At some point in college, we were back home for like a break. And my buddy who is a heavy drinker, we were staying at my house. We had the crash at my house. I think – I don't even know why. He lived a block away from me. But he slept in my room, and I slept, like, on the couch. I think my sister had two beds. Whatever it was, it was like you take my room, and I'll go elsewhere. My room is, like, heavy.

I have, like, blackout shades. So, like, you close the door, it's fucking pitch black. So my boy wakes up in the middle of the night, and he's got a puke. And he opens up the closet door. He wakes up, and he's like, I'm in a black box. I don't know where I am. So he's, like, feeling around. He goes into my closet.

He opens it up, and he's, like, feeling. He realizes it's closed. It's not a bathroom. So now he's, like, really about to throw up. So he realizes, like, slams the closet door, and now he's, like, dry heaving and now he's like dry heaving and swallowing dry heaving swallowing gets out of my bedroom finally and runs to the uh bathroom in the hallway of like my parents house and he throws up on the door like makes it but doesn't quite make it boom splatters on the door gets inside closes the door locks the door finishes throwing up i wake up to the commotion my mom this is one of those things if i did it it would be a serious talking to he did it and

she's sitting there like with a paper towel like middle of the night wiping down the door and she's like yeah he went in there like puking uh is he okay i'm like fuck it yeah he's okay he's a fucking fat drunk fucking a man so i'm like mom go to sleep Yeah, he's okay. He's a fucking fat drunk. Fucking A, man. So I'm like, mom, go to sleep. I'll take care of this. So I clean up some of the inside. I'm like knocking. I'm like, yo, it's me.

Let me in. I go in there. It looked like he threw up into a tornado. It looked like he just spun around while puking. It was everywhere, dude. It was on the motherfucking ceiling. I don't know how there was like splatters on the ceiling all over the toilet, all over the walls and floor. And so I am like – it looked like a murder scene would throw up.

But I'm at my parents' house and like I'm freaking out. So I start helping him clean up. And this guy, he eats a ton and drinks a ton. It was vile. So I'm sitting there cleaning, and I'm like. Yo, the fact that you even did that is heroic. I mean, I can't. My friend throws up.

I know, but it's your house, no? I threw up on his throw up. I was just like. This is a family guy scene. Yes, it was like the epic. I mean, I threw up on the floor. I was just like, whatever. And we just kept fucking cleaning it up.

It was like, what's even the point of trying to. I couldn't get like, you know how you get like on your hands and knees to get in the toilet. It was everywhere. I didn't want to touch anything. So I just throw up on the fucking ground. Like, it's just add. It's like sand to the fucking beach in here bro It was disgusting

I still think I'd rather Have the puke fest Than naked spoon Either of my parents though That's a That's a like you You gotta You know you have a drinking problem

But like you need to chill For like six months Or some shit Yeah You don't necessarily No you have a drinking problem You're not necessarily an alcoholic But you have a drinking problem There You're not necessarily an alcoholic, but you have a drinking problem. There's a problem, yeah.

Like you do not know how to control yourself clearly. But yeah, you always fuck your dad. Okay, it's not spaghetti arms, but I thought that was really funny. I just think it's super weird that there's a girl on the airplane. I just think it's like, watch the fuck out. I had my AirPods in, motioned me to take my headphones out, so I took them out,

thinking that she wanted to, like, see out the window that had halfway closed or something because the sun was blaring in her eyes. And she goes, did you want to read about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with me? And I politely said no, because I don't have anything against anybody believing in their own situation or their own God or whatever. But is that fucking weird to ask the person next to you to read about it, about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with her? Yeah, man.

Missionaries are fucking crazy. Is this on a plane? Evangelicals, yeah. I mean, they think. If you do that. I saw a guy going to work the other day on the shuttle. He was, like, dressed in a suit. He had a briefcase, which is a little bit outdated, but whatever.

Like, he was going to work, but also just had a sign that says, Jesus loves you, and was like, they feel like they have to use their other like spare time to preach that it's like the word of the lord that god wants it and that like any time spent uh spreading the word is what he wants it's fucking insane you you would like you know uh phrases that are thrown around a lot but one is one is white privilege yeah and if you ask someone on a plane if you can talk about your God with them. Imagine if you were like, hey, do you want to talk about Muhammad with me? That's some white privilege shit. Like, call the air macho!

Like, can we pray together? Like, what kind of prayer? Like a last prayer before we fucking go down or some shit? Like, oh, I'll just roll up my mat. People would be like, no. Dude, my uncle told me a story once. He was sitting on a plane next to, this is a while ago, but he was sitting on a plane next to a gentleman in a

turban, and he kept playing with his watch, and the guy next to him hit my uncle and was like, talk to him, talk to him. My uncle's like, what? He's like, talk to him. What's he doing? I was like, I don't know. He's fucking on his watch, man. He's changing the time whenever we're going through different time zones. Chill out. He's like, you gotta see what's up.

My uncle's like a talker. He's a salesman. He loves talking to people. So he's like, just start chatting with the guy. He's a fucking mathematician at Temple or some shit like that. And he's like, great, dude. And he's like, yeah, just fucking change the time on my goddamn watch. But that's just someone changing their watch.

Right. And people are like, find out what's happening over there. If it's like, hey, let's talk about God for a bit. People are like, you changed that God to Allah. We're having a different fucking conversation on this plane. Air Marshal is pulling out guns and shit. It's so goddamn obnoxious. And I'll tell you what, it's just bad marketing.

Bad marketing by the Catholic Church. You want to get people to like you? Don't bother them on a plane. Don't scream and yell on the subway. You guys need to rebrand your whole missionary shit. Like, stop fucking bothering people. Don't try to get me to sign up. Don't stop me during my day.

You want me to think that Catholicism is something I want to get down with? Be a little more convenient. It's so obnoxious. They have tried. They've tried. Have they? Well, I mean, they're like, dogs go to heaven and all that shit. Yeah, like, cool Pope is like, you can fuck without, you know,

condoms are okay, birth control's okay, gays are right, I'll let you have it, dogs go to heaven. They're working on it, but still, the number one is... You gotta let the priest fuck. It starts all the way at the top. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I'm not out on that.

Why, you like your Catholicism old school? I don't. If you're my priest, that's your fucking job. I agree with you on that. The Irish Catholic in me is like old school? If you're my priest, that's your fucking job. I agree with you on that. The Irish Catholic in me is like, hell no. You can't even jerk off. You gotta have a gambling addiction and alcohol addiction. That's where you funnel your vices.

Those are allowed. Don't go banging little boys, but don't go banging grown women either. You can't have any of it. You put that little dick away. But if I was running the church... You're in love with a man named Jesus. That's it. That's it. And you can... I think you can fuck the nuns.

I always thought that priests and nuns were just fuck. Two birds, one stone. And everybody just... You can like praise the Lord Jesus while you come. But let's just keep this... It's a self-sufficient ecosystem here. If the nuns fuck the priests. If I was running the church, I'd say listen. Let's let these guys fuck. And then they're a little more normal and then they're

the ones preaching the you know that's how you get like a hot hot pastor everyone likes him because he fucks hot pastor fucks well he's got a family oh oh i'm thinking hot pastor from fleabag you're thinking i'm thinking hot pastor from uh real life i don't care for that guy um no i'm thinking the one from fleabag but he's cool because he's just an alcoholic. You've got to be a fucking raging alcoholic. That's part of the priesthood. Yeah. You've got to have a red face.

Guaranteed. Yeah, you've got to look like a tomato. I mean, those are things that I realize now that I'm older and I'm not going to church anymore. But when I was a kid, I'm like, oh, they were. He was drunk all the time. All the time. When you can see the veins in their nose. Just like drinking their whole life like the veins all

it's like their body spider web rejecting it's just like trying to get out like it looks like you like uh like the um the mind flare is like you know it's just like all getting all red and he's coming through and getting all black yes the alcohol that's alcohol it's the alcoholism out of you it's the jaundice and the alcohol and the veins. Turns out dumping poison into your body for decades on end. Bad idea. We'll find out what happens to me. What up, KFC

fights Nintendo 64 BC. My brother's wedding is next week and I'm in the wedding party, but I'm not the best man, which in the wedding party, but I'm not the best man, which a little weird, but I live in a different city than the rest of the guys.

So I guess it makes sense, but it makes no sense. I'm just wondering as the brother, who's not a best man, what's my role at the wedding here? I'll tell you what your role is, is to be spiteful the whole time and ruin it. I would be,

I mean, that that's, that's some serious mental jumping jacks tos to be like, well, I live in a different city, so of course I wouldn't be the best man. It's okay. Are you going to be in the city of the weddings happening in? That's it. I mean, I guess he's probably saying they're not as close, but it's just like, what about the first 20 years of life where you were all living under the same fucking roof? See, I actually don't. I don't think my brother's my best man, and it's not because he's not my best man.

I just think it's almost like in high school, the quarterback could never be the captain because you're the quarterback. Yeah, I feel you. You know how much power you have. You know how important you are. So we're going to give it to him. So there's someone else who's the captain. So it's a way to kind of like two birds, one stone in a way.

Yeah. That's kind of how I am with it. My dad and his brother are like best friends, but they weren't each other's best men. I'll tell you what. My brother wasn't my dad's best man. Being a best man is kind of a pain in the ass too. Yeah. That's what I mean.

All good, bro. What's your responsibility? I don't have a good fucking time. Yeah. Don't be self-conscious. I don't think I'd be my brother's best man. I don't think he'd be mine. I think it's, again, where are each What's your responsibility? I don't know. Have a good fucking time. Yeah. Like, I mean, don't be self-conscious. I don't think I'd be my brother's best man. I don't think he'd be mine. I think it's, again, like, where are the best men?

But, you know, like, have your boy do it. The reasoning is, like, that. You know what I mean? Not, well, I live, like, 40 minutes away. Yeah. Not having to give that speech, though. Oh, yeah. That's great.

He's, you know, your brother's going to be feet up, hanging out. No problem, gonna be feet up hanging out no problem right get fucked up enjoy like this is a family celebration i'm gonna give you a job let's have fun during your entire wedding i i couldn't tell you a single thing that happened because i was just like oh maybe i have to give this speech i'm gonna have to give this speech i'm gonna killed it by the way maybe we should rebrand maybe maybe we should rebrand for the world start the movement like you don't you don't just do the default sister brother for the maid of honor. I honestly thought that's how it was. That's how – because I feel like there's oftentimes a lot of brothers who aren't, like, that close.

And it's like, well, I got to give it to my brother. And it's like, why? Yeah. No. I think – have a good time. This is – our family's here. We're here to have fun. So you're thinking of – it's like a punishment.

Yeah. I think being a best man is a punishment. Yeah. So I was like, why would I do that to my brother? My flesh and blood. I can't bestow this upon him. That's like a punishment. Yeah. I think being a best man is a punishment. Yeah. So why would I do that to my brother? He's my flesh and blood. I can't bestow this upon him. That's my best man. Why would I do him like that?

All right. Last Voice of the Day is brought to you by Audible. Audible was our very first sponsor ever on the original, original podcast, maybe even on Mail Time. And now they are back around again, 2019, seven years later, and their platform has grown even more. It's not just audio books. They now have their own original audio content. So as members, you can choose three titles every month. You get one audio book plus two audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else. So if you sign up,

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for free. It's audible.com slash KFC Radio. What's up, KFC? Fight Super Producer BHC. Nailed that fucking intro. So, I'm literally, I just finished listening to the McPoyle interview, and I'm driving home. I live in New Orleans where, as you can probably hear, I just hit a pothole. And I just got shamed for the nicest, the, I don't know.

I mean, I know you've been to New Orleans a bunch. You know how many homeless people are here. And I pulled up next to a homeless guy, and I gave him like 75 cents and quarters. And this guy next to me, he starts following me side by side down the road. And I notice he's getting kind of close. So I look over, and he's just waving his finger at me like I was a bad dog for giving that guy 75 cents. So I was wondering, have you guys ever been shamed for doing a good deed? And if so, what was the weirdest thing you've been shamed for?

I'm going to say something here, and I don't side often with the homeless. But, you know, I think that inflation exists even with the homeless. It's like 75 cents, you're going to give me like chains now? Oh, I don't. I feel awful. I wouldn't give someone coins. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, yeah. I mean, it's rude when people have like a coffee cup full of like metal coins.

Like that is going to get you nowhere. That thing could be full with coins and like that's going to be like six dollars. Yeah. It's just it's an adult baby shaker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, like anything else, you got to you me like – I'm not going to give you anything. But if you are going to donate – I'll feel bad just like – sometimes I get a 10. It's like $8 or whatever it is. I mean it's like $14 here. But like sometimes – back in the day, it was $8. And sometimes I'd give them a 10 and I'd walk away. And I'd be like, oh, I feel like that was almost rude to only give them $1.30.

Like if you're going to give a tip, give a tip. No, I feel like when it's changed, you can kind of – I'll do it for like $0.25 just because I don't want the fucking quarter. I think if you're leaving changed, it's all appreciated. I feel like if you're going in, taking it out, giving it – I mean, I guess you got to get – they got to get something now though, right? Because I just don't have money on me.

I don't know what you're going to tell me. Unless you got your Venmo. I'm not even – I don't even get the fake pocket slaps anymore. I'm like I have cash to my name. Yeah. I have money to my name. It's like – It's almost like the bum gets in your face and it's like it's 2019.

That's my excuse now. What do you think? Not, oh, I don't have cash. It's cash doesn't exist anymore, dude. I'm 30 years old. What the hell do you think I have cash on me? I've always wanted to do this psychological experiment. If a homeless guy was

holding up his Venmo name, like it said Venmo at whatever, would you... I feel like it could happen. If you fell on hard times, if you had a Venmo and lost your job, if you're a straight homeless, I'd be like, how do you have a Venmo? What's going on? But if it was like, yeah, man, I used to have a job.

What if there was a charity that ran this for homeless people? And they said, we hand out Venmo accounts, and you just have to hold a sign. And be charismatic or do something, like panhandle. Like if you're singing on the subway. Basically, what you're doing is you're turning the homeless into street entertainers. I don't know if that's good for us, but it's good for them. Yeah. I mean, I think Venmo.

I told the guy I went to dinner last weekend. Make a Venmo for the shantytown. Let's get them back on their feet. Get the fuck out of here. I did it. This isn't a homeless person, but I did that with someone. I went to the bathroom. I was at the dinner probably last Thursday night or something like that.

And I went to the bathroom, and there's a guy in there. With the ballet? Yeah. And I was like, man, you should have a sign here with your Venmo on it. And he was like, oh, maybe I will do that. I would transfer you money, but I don't have the dollars. The shampoo girls at Fleischman have that, which is clutch. Yeah.

Because then I'm always like, oh, fuck, I don't have any money. The problem is, if you're homeless, you want to appear as destitute as possible, and having an app is the problem. It's bad marketing? Yeah. Bad marketing, but great marketing. If you had that, and you had – if you can't help but mean you were entertaining or something like that, you're doing something. So that's the difference. I'd probably drink with you.

Because you could be gainfully employed right now and just go down to the subway with your guitar and play and put your Venmo up and you're just like a hustling musician then. If you're like, I'm fucking poor and I'm homeless and I need money. Yeah, but you don't have to have a phone. Like a homeless person can't have one friend that gets that money out for him. Yeah. But what it is is like you need to then be like, all right, I'm going to give you a Venmo. I'm going to get you a shower and a Venmo and and you've got to dance for the people or something like that. Dance. Dance, puppet. Do something.

I mean, also, I guess it is hard because also, like, my Venmo just goes to a bank account. I would imagine homeless people don't have bank accounts. I'm just saying, if you saw that, wouldn't you just think it would be easier? Put your money where your mouth is. Go hang out with the homeless and give them a Venmo. Get at homeless Venmo. I'm pretty sure it's probably available.

No, because I feel like today, I'd somehow get shamed for that because I'd be taking advantage of them. Even if I gave them 100% of the money, because if I talked about it, they'd be like, oh, you're doing that for clicks. I'm literally giving money to the homeless.

You can't win, man. That's why you just don't do anything at all. Yeah, you can't. You're going to get in trouble one way or the other, so I'm just not going to help anybody. If you're homeless, find a way to get a... If you're homeless and you're listening to this, you probably do have a Venmo.

You're probably newly homeless. Condolences. Shit's gone really bad, but hustle with that Venmo, bro. Sorry to hear. All right, that's it for us. Huge shout-out to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Make sure you check out Straight Up Steve Austin on August 12th.

Before we go, I want to do the question we were texting about this weekend. The death one? Okay. Last segment of the day, this is a new question that we're going to incorporate into Answer the Internet. Go follow it on YouTube. Subscribe to it. We're very close to 100,000 subscribers. Also, you know what?

We haven't gotten in a while. Give us some fucking rate this podcast. Give it five stars. Ooh, you know BC's gonna cum his pants over that one. That one's for you, Brandon. That's gonna be the first time we've ever done that. Yeah. We are at 97,398 subscribers. I would very much like that

to be 100,000 by like right now. You have a Gmail. You can sign up. You have a YouTube account. Someone used to say to me, like, are you subscribed to this on YouTube? And I was like, no, I don't use YouTube like I use Twitter. I get that. A lot of the younger generation, they turn on YouTube at night the way you turn on the television.

So they're going to subscribe to shit. I did that this weekend. I went to my cousin's apartment for dinner. So I guess I lied. I didn't only watch that. I also went to my cousin's for dinner. You're fucking deceiving me. I was gone for like two hours.

But the reason I left, I thought we were going to like hang out on his roof and stuff like that. We ate. I thought we were going to grill out on his roof. We ordered in Italian and just watched YouTube videos. It's a fun night. That's what they do now, man. And you know what's funny about YouTube? Because especially if you use the app, you start on the home screen, not the subscriptions screen.

So everything you click to subscribe is really just telling YouTube what you like. And then they find stuff that you like for you. Like when you open your feed, it's not just what your subscription is. I get it. But like if you're not from the YouTube generation, you're probably not going to do it. But you're from the Gmail generation because we all are. And if you have a Gmail, that means you can sign into YouTube and subscribe. So I don't care if you fucking never look at it again. Just go subscribe.

You're going to want to watch it again. But even if you're just signing up with the intention of giving us a subscription, go to YouTube. Go to log in. Use your same exact Gmail login and password. Then you can subscribe. Yeah. Fuck it. Let's cover all the bases here.

Go subscribe to that give us five stars on iTunes tweet at Stone Cold how awesome he was yup I'm sure it's hit the Instagram follow ATI Barstool

follow ATI on Instagram the Barstool the ATI we're giving you a lot of goddamn chores this week sign up at Barstool Gold barstoolgold.com slash KFC

so the question was when you get to heaven the only people there are people who have died in the same exact manner that you died. How are you choosing to kick the bucket? So if you get in a car accident, your heaven is filled with only people who got in car accidents. There's a lot of different ways you can go here, a lot of different things to discuss. What was your first gut reaction? My first gut reaction was liver failure, of course. Just all the cool people drink?

Well, it's just I think interesting people drink. Yeah. I think if you don't drink, you're probably a boring person. Interesting people have the good stories. I think they have interesting takes on life. I don't know. Sometimes the most interesting people are people who drank and then went sober who aren't going to die from liver failure.

But I follow your point. Yeah. But also, those people still might die from liver failure. If you drank enough. If you get to the point where you guys probably stop this, that liver might be kicking out anyway. But I think they'll have the interesting stories and all that. I think fentanyl is an interesting route to go perhaps. Because fentanyl was – that's MJ, right?

Yeah. fentanyl is an interesting route to go perhaps because fentanyl was that's mj right yeah uh i think that that so that was one of my first thoughts is do you pick like one person or or a you know a handful of people that you want to see in heaven and pick theirs like you know in and of itself you get mj and prince it's pretty right there's pretty and i'm sure a lot of other like rock stars right a lot of rock stars are probably kicking the bucket from that uh if you can if you could broaden it to just drug overdose you're gonna get like all of the rock stars do you have to pick like the specific drug uh i i i think you have to knock it down because i was thinking the other the other idea would be if you do pick uh cancer heart attack car accident you just get size you're just like you can be like oh i didn't know that guy died in a car hey what's up

oh that guy you're just gonna get the most people like, oh, I didn't know that guy died in a car. Hey, what's up? Oh, that guy. You're just going to get the most people. The most popular heaven will be the one that's. I think heart attack's a good one because you have heart attack could almost be broken down into like neighborhoods where you have heart attack neighborhood. Here are my 20 some odd year olds who just like to party, die of a cocaine over roast. They're pretty cool. We got food. A bunch of obese people who cook some goddamn good food.

Absolutely. Heart attack, dead. And then you just got the old people who are... They got some tales. Yeah, they've seen it all. Interesting stories. That's what I mean. Heart attack is so broad,

you're going to get a lot of different cross-sections of life. You could also pick about, like, you could just be honest about how you think you're going to die and prepare for it. You know, I mean, there's suicide. Suicide is a good one. There's I mean, you're going to get interesting people there. Yeah, kind of depressing, but you're going to get a lot of interesting suicide.

I said AIDS heaven. He's having pops. AIDS heaven is going to be a lot of gay guys who love to party. A lot of people who like to fuck. A lot of people who do drugs. And the day that Magic Johnson shows up at AIDS Heaven is going to be the biggest AIDS party ever. Drugs and sex and all sorts of shit. We've been waiting.

Our hero, our savior has finally arrived. Honestly, AIDS heaven is like the reverse of like Jews on earth who are waiting for their Messiah to come. They're already in the afterlife waiting for the Messiah to get back from heaven. When magic gets to AIDS heaven, it's going to make Live Aid look like fucking bingo night. He's here, motherfucker. We've been waiting, my child. there was probably some guy who died in you know like 93 or some shit it was like ah magic will be up here in a minute how'd you beat the system you rich motherfucker so aids heaven would be popping cancer heaven would be huge suicide what if i just like pressing but interesting shove this whole mic all the way down my throat

you're the only person yeah Yeah, just chill by myself. Yeah, solitude. Welcome to shoved microphone down your throat heaven. You are the first. Like you go on the conference call. Boop. There is one participant here. There's like some shitty bouncers.

You'd have to keep it a secret though. Then what if a bunch of other people are like, I'll fight. I get to go handle the fights now. That would be flattering. You'd have to copycat people oh i wouldn't want that i'll tell you what i'll tell you something if you kill yourself stuffing a microphone down your throat i ain't writing your eulogy i don't want to have to be the guy who tries to spin that shout out to stone cold making making chicken soup out of chicken shit or whatever it was chicken salad out of chicken shit i can't give you a good eulogy if you stuff a microphone down your own throat.

I think you can figure it out. You think so? Yeah. Make John died like he lived. Like a fucking moron. Yeah, there you go. Doing dumb shit. Good start.

I'll write the eulogy then. All right. So let us know. Tweet at us. Amongst while subscribing to all of our various shit, also tweet at us. How would you want to die to get into your exclusive heaven? We're out of here. Turn around.

Look at what you see. In her face. The mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere Give it in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never ending story Ah Reach the stars I'm a story.

Read the stars. Not a fantasy. Dream a dream. And what you see will be. Sun and heat, there are secrets still. I'm pulled king, there are secrets too I'm cold behind my clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never ending story Story Soaring high