KFC Radio - Stu Feiner Risked His Life To Pay His Bills - Full Episode

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

The Legend, Stu Feiner joins us today to talk about getting into the gambling business, getting arrested, how he landed his beautiful wife and their relationship throughout the years, risking his life to make ends meet, coming to Barstool, and much much more. Dave.com: Learn more at https://dave.com/extra-cash-advancesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm an idiot! You know, like, my dick is inside my body. Right, right. But they like you, right? I'm the vagina of a four-year-old. Like, literally, there'd be no balls, they'd be sucked in, and my penis would be inside, inverted,

and it would just be, like, a little little slit like I was a four year old. Like literally, that's how scared I was. Like your family, so I always respected it, but I figured fucking let me, if I, you know, you've never said no when I've asked, because this is the first time I've actually went like, hey, let's go on. We're good, yeah, let's just talk about it. So fucking ready to roll, Stu Feiner is here.

Let me turn my phone off, please. We've done like little things here and there, group things, but you've never done the show, primarily because at Barstool things get so, like, kind of segmented, and it was just kind of like you're on advisors, you do the stuff with Dan and Dave, you do gambling. We don't really do that. You know, whatever.

He's in his world, I'm in mine. It was never anything like I don't want to do it, but then over the last, I'd say, like, year, came out to the house, we did a few more things and it's like we gotta and the guy who runs around the fucking joint screaming about eating ass and licking clit and fucking has gotta come on KFC radio

long overdue but listen I just want to say right now absolutely no hard feelings and it's an honor to actually be here yeah no I love it legitimately when I saw you come through the door, it was almost like the light behind you was a little bit of a Jesus situation.

Thank you. Listen, to be a living legend is not easy. Right. You know what I mean? Because you could be a legend and you're dead though. You can't fuck it up. You're a legacy. Every day I can fuck up my legacy. I can cancel myself out. You could be a legend. Right, absolutely. Dave thinks if I wasn't under Barstool's control that I would have been canceled like eight years ago.

I think. Like literally forever. And in ten minutes, he said. I think that Barstool probably brings your reputation down. Right. Because of all of our misogyny and all that shit. You, on the other hand, do nothing but honor and respect women and prop them up. You know what I'm saying?

I mean, you fuck them, eat their ass, and lick their clit, but you also honor them. Okay, so here we go. I mean, this bag is jam-packed, by the way. Along the lines of what we're talking about here. You're like Mary Poppins, bro. Oh, well, yeah,

we gotta have the cum towel. We all have to have a Stu Feiner cum towel. That's it. Upside down. Flip it over. It's the official cum towel. This have the cum towel. We all have to have a Stu Feiner cum towel. That's it. Upside down. Flip it over. Flip it over. It's the official cum towel. This is the cum towel. I usually cum. First to Jack, can I throw something at you without you being in like, to ruin your $100,000

operation like overnight? Stu Feiner breaks Jackie's nose for life. He goes level 11. Yeah, that is. You heard people left Jackie screaming. I hate that Jew. The thing about the cum towels, the cum towels, Stu,

is almost the problem is I don't want to cum on a piece of art. Usually it's just yesterday's boxers and it's gone. Let me just say something. Colleen, this is you, by the way. So if you're filming this, let me just say something.

This used to be 90% smaller than this. Yeah. But now this is the new way we make them. So you can use this as a bath mat. You can use this as a blotter on your desk. You can actually use it as a towel. But it's plush, so you can come on it. Your woman can come on it.

I think I'm going to use it as a cum towel. I will clean up the cum. All right. Here, Colleen, catch. So that's yours. And then we have... I'm trying to avoid looking in his bag, almost like when someone shows you their pictures.

They're scrolling through their pictures on their phone. He's like, wait. Can you avoid? So this is one gram of Joey Diaz's weed. Oh, boy. This shit scares me. It's like... Whoa! Joey Diaz's weed. Oh, boy. This shit scares me. It's like... Whoa.

Oh. That's all right. We'll make sure we distribute it to everybody else. All right. I mean, this is known as like the... This is Primo weed. So good. Wait, so this is like...

I'm feeling like this is like a bud in here. This is like regular grass, if you will, right? This is not... Yes, that's one gram of flour and marijuana. Total THC. 28%. This is the kind of stuff. I got higher than that.

And I have, look, one shirt for you. Oh, thank you so much. It's the leading seller at Barstool. We're approaching 700, which people think, you don't realize it's hard to sell 10 shirts. I don't care if you have the greatest idea ever. This is not year 2000.

It's not 2005. It's never going to be 2010. It's 2022. When you sell 50 shirts, that's a fucking, that's a hit. You know what I'm saying? Three legends on here. I mean, that's a good shirt. That's a good shirt yeah no this is that's a 600 and and the first person that said you you should do shirts uh was you with the diving and the mulch is here

it was so funny you know what it was because it was like so organic yeah it was that was the best things it's like if you thought about let me make a t-shirt saying mulch is here it's like that's stupid but when you do it and it becomes funny then you slap me make a t-shirt saying mulch is here, it's like, that's stupid. But when you do it and it becomes funny, then you slap it on a t-shirt, everyone remembers the moment. In the context. And then the diving shout-outs did good, too. Like, the diving, they sold, like, 300. That 300 is an epic number. I mean, it's not your million, which everything's the standard.

But that was one in a million. It was one in a billion, and you sold a million. If we sell 300 shirts, I'm fucking thrilled. What do you mean? That's, like, a legendary, you know, and that's you, and you sold a million. If we sell 300 shirts, I'm fucking thrilled. What do you mean? That's like a legendary, you know, and that's you and you're the biggest. I swear to God, I still do this now. And I definitely did it like for the last couple years when they were a little bit younger. When my kids are upset or they're crying or something's wrong, I show them the Stu Feiner diving video.

And it makes them laugh with Aria. With Aria going. Just the fucking, the way you just dive they love it the same and it's funny because all you're doing is diving thank you

I love that all you're doing is diving but it's funny I'm glad they get it but I'm trying to be funny though when I'm diving I'm trying to be funny I know but I get that

but the fact that a five year old picks up on it but that's good yes no I like that my comedy transcends. Yeah, it really does. It doesn't matter because I'm trying to be slapstick to start with. That is the origination of the doll I play.

Well, there's two Stu Feiners, though. And I describe it as there's capital letters, caps lock Stu Feiners and lowercase Stu Feiner. Correct. I'll get a text message from lowercase Stu Feiner that's like, do you need anything? Are you okay? You know, bring the kids out.

And then I'll get another one that's like, $50,000 lock of the fucking century! Fucking fuck pussy and put your money on this bet! That was a good Stu impression. It hurt, though, dude. I don't think I can do it again. I don't know how your voice, I don't know how your head doesn't explode.

I'm telling you, like the second Buffalo Super Bowl where they lost and I lost my voice. I couldn't know how your head doesn't explode. I'm telling you, like the second Buffalo Super Bowl where they lost and I lost my voice. I couldn't speak for like a week. I went to like a specialist and he said, you're going to lose your voice just a matter of time. I'm like, what should I do? He goes, there's nothing you can do.

Just do it. There's nothing you can do. Well, that was 40 years later. Exactly. Stu Feiner, a living legend. You've got the strongest vocal cords and the strongest cock in the world. Unbelievable. Yes, it's a miracle. Thank you, God. We just had Steve Owen here, and he said he's not allowed to puke anymore because of like

how it fucks up his vocal cords. Sure. Yeah, that would be like similar to when I was in like Overeaters Anonymous when I went into bulimia meetings. So there was Overeaters Like Me, fat. I was 262. Then you had this fucking bulimia girl who was a 10, first of all. On a scale of 1 to 10, she was a 10. It's working for you, baby.

But she thought she was fat as me. That's what would happen. You would force yourself to throw up and that's exactly it. You fluctuate though pretty quickly. I just gained 10 pounds. I've been smoking pot since Joey Diaz. 10 pounds I gained.

But by fucking Halloween, you'll be shredded again. It takes me almost 6 weeks to lose the 10 pounds. I've been smoking pot since Joey Diaz. 10 pounds I gained. But by, you know, fucking Halloween, you'll be shredded again. But it takes me almost six weeks to lose the 10 pounds. Really? Seven weeks. It's always more to lose than it is to gain. Yeah. But in general, over the course of a year, you'll run a marathon, you'll smoke some weed, you'll go clean, you'll da-da-da.

And all of a sudden, you know, there's pictures of you jacked and you're underweight. I have a good physical ability to lose weight, and I look healthy. I'm 61. I'm not fucking 21. Right. But sometimes that beer belly is fucking... No, I'm obese. I'm 262.

Sometimes I feel like that thing is like a cannonball in there. It's even bigger than a cannonball. I don't even know what. It's like a fat lard that could become like an alien, leap off my body and become like, you know. But then it'll be gone. A bad Spongebob, like it just punches people and

fucks their women, you know what I mean? But it's just a piece of lard. It's like a piece of lard. Like fat. The oil ball from Creme Erika. Yes. Right. Yes. You ever think we we changed the world and shut up and help me dump this below one of my favorite fucking scenes of

Seinfeld ever you just did twisted history right correct and you walked out of there and people were talking like they yeah yeah that's yours all right oh thank you you walked out of there and people were talking like they just spoke to, like, the Pope or, like, Forrest Gump or something. Like, the most interesting man in the world. I mean, your tale is, it's all fun and games and shit, but, like, your story is an iconic one. It's been in movies, right? I mean, you've been doing it for decades now. Made a zillionillion lost a zillion

earned it back you know all of that it's 44 years i mean the living legend is funny but it's not like it's it's real you're you're it's unbelievable you are genuinely a one-of-a-kind do you have any uh like competitors if you will are there like no there's no nobody else right the people that were in my business were either blatant thieves, because you were on the telephone when I did it in the 80s, so you were able to embellish a story, create a story, make a story. There was no way to fact-check you, so everything you said— Meaning, like, I just want all my bets hit or whatever? It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you can never fact-check anything. Right. And they were great salesmen. They were con artists. And then, so people embellished stories tremendously. You had some money to back you up, maybe? Like, so people embellished stories tremendously. You had some money to back you up maybe? Like, look, I made all my bets.

I had this mansion. No, no. How would anybody even believe you? No, no. Just blind faith? How it worked is I borrowed $1,500 from my father and a salesman that was in the industry that I was going into now. The industry was about, maybe about five years old.

So I got into it in 19- Talking about gambling. Well, maybe about five years old. So I got into it in 19... Talk about gambling. Well, sports advisory. Got it. When people are, you're not a bookmaker, you don't tell them where to bet at all. Right. You just give them your selections and they pay you strictly on selections. So let's say it started in like 1976.

Okay. I got into it full blown in 1980. I worked for people in high school there in 79. I learned the business. And then I watched someone on Channel 4 TV, this guy Ed Horowitz. His name was the Professor Pix. He was an accountant that became a cokehead

that died in Costa Rica being a bookmaker. But be that as it may, he was one of the big ones that he said exactly he he and i owe everything i have to him really he created a short form tax form that allowed you to um do your taxes and he made a million dollars creating this that was his proprietary uh form it was amazing and he took that money and dumped it into computers to create football winners.

So now the guy owns me. I'm like, you want me to kill somebody? You're right. I'd be like, literally. You want to fuck my girl? You got it. Like anything. So I'm like, wow. So this is on regular TV? Regular TV. Friday before the Super Bowl.

Friday 1980. At this point, do you think that you know more sports than the average guy? Not until this moment. Yes. You're just worried about the technology. Well, this is what happened. My father was a Raider and a Viking fan. And I became a Raider fan.

My brother became a Viking fan. And Vikings were 0 for 4 in Super Bowls. Raiders won their first Super Bowl in 1976. It was John Madden's only Super Bowl. Okay? And then, this is 1980. So, what happens is, I think I have a good opinion

because the Raiders won a Super Bowl in 76. My father taught me that defense wins games. I was only pro football. That was the only sport. It was pro football and pro basketball. There was no baseball to speak of and there was no college sports at all he never watched college sports so we became obsessed with pro football and pro football in the 70s it was amazing but you had the pittsburgh steelers

winning four super bowls but you had defense winning every super bowl and when you went across the middle the middle of the field was not yours like it is now. Receivers come across the middle, they slant across the middle. When I watched football when I was in the teens, in my teens and 20s, you could not do that because they were legally allowed to close on you. It wasn't even a penalty. And you could pick up a quarterback and dump him on his head in the 70s. You could do things. So I had a good opinion because the Raiders were winners.

I got lucky. John Madden got lucky. And I didn't pick the Vikings. I got opinion because the Raiders were winners I got lucky John Madden got lucky and I didn't pick the Vikings I got lucky because the Vikings sucked they were fucking horrible right so anyway

this guy comes on TV and says that the Philadelphia Eagles minus four they were a four point favorite over the Oakland Raiders we're going to kill the Raiders we're going to win big it was Ron Jaworski's team

it was Dick Vermeule was the coach Ron Jaworski was the quarterback. And me and my father looked at each other like, this can never happen. The Raiders are going to kill him. P.S. The Raiders did. 3rd to 14 was never that close.

I said, if somebody can be so smart and come with such energy, like this man came with fire. He's on TV. It's before the Super Bowl. He just made a million dollars dumped it in the computer you know like you gotta win that game

I'm some pothead from Farmingdale Long Island I know you're a douche bag now I know you're a coke head you just showed me with that pic you're a coke head because listen it's literally humanly I know that they're the favorite.

So you could say, how can you make this statement? But you know nothing about football. If you thought that the Raiders were going to lose to the Eagles, that you like, you knew nothing. So I went into the business with this guy that was in the business already, working for this guy. And he was 43. I was 21.

My father let me 1,500. We took 1,500 from this guy, put 3 43 I was 21 my father let me 1500 we took 1500 from this guy put 3000 in the business and there was a football strike our first year

in business and we had to go to the racetrack Belmont racetrack and bet a fucking horse we had 2600 in the bank and we had like

18,000 in bills it's our first year in business now this fucking is 43 so he says to me that he knows how to pick horses. So he buys the racing form, sits there like a jerk off and scribbles. You ever see these people?

It's like all those movies of a murderer. You know what I mean? This guy's a murderer. He's got a pencil, he's got his glasses. He's like, you know, talking to himself. I'm like, and the fucking thing pays like $18. So and the rest was history. We took the, and the fucking thing pays like $18. So, and the rest was history.

We took the money and we rolled. Now, what, I've heard you say, but I think you were in. But anyway, so am I better than people?

Yes, because my skill set is against the grain, against the public. My skill set is I want a dog shit team that's going to get embarrassed against a better team.

I want that bet. 80, 90% of the time. I want against what people think. I want against what's easy. I want the opposite of what should happen. But is that, I mean, you want that. So doesn't that almost like cloud, like sometimes they are just going to get their ass kicked. But if you, you know, like, are you betting with your head or your heart?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not against the point spread. Not against the point spread. Not against the point spread. The point spread makes it equal. The point spread makes it equal. Okay. So I'm not talking straight up. We have an idea

that we want to maybe try to start dabbling in the world of gambling. And it might be the worst idea ever, but. I think it's the best. But it might be the best. I think it's the best idea ever.

It's just gamble. Get a bankroll. I'll give you the game. Gamble with your the best. I think it's the best I've ever seen. I think we're just using the game. Get a bankroll. I'll give you the game. Gamble with your heart. No, gamble with your heart. Like, I... Oh, with your heart. Like, do I want...

Like, do I... Well, you're going to... Listen. You're going to get lucky here because the Mets are going to win the World Series. Like, the Mets are going to blow it tonight against the Marlins again and we're going to go to fucking hell

and we're... But I'm betting with my heart we're going to fucking win tonight. You see, like, as a... Listen. But I know they're going to lose but I'm betting with my heart that we're going to win.

As a Met fan now, but just let's touch on this just quickly. As a Met fan, you just want to get to the playoffs. I know, but they deserve it so much more than that, Stu. Well, listen. Well, I guess if they blow these games, they don't deserve it. No, no, no, no, no. But all year long, they deserve it. There is no shame in the world champs overtaking you at the buzzer

because this is their third go-around and it's without their best player freddie friedman but they were built three years ago to win last year yes for sure the mets are built this year to win this year so i mean you know it like if there is no shame but there is like god but again but we go to the playoffs and then it's a different because we are the best team in the playoffs. Right. I watched, listen, I watched every pitch last night at the Dodgers-Padres game. That was an amazing game.

I mean, both pitches are fucking amazing. Both of those pitches, and every at that, like the bases were, I had under seven and a half, and the bases were loaded five straight innings in a row. And we didn't score. Nobody scored. I'm like, this is unbelievable. But every half inning in that game was played, and every player on their team, both teams, are superstars.

Yeah. Like, it looked like an all-star game. Yeah, I know. It was crazy. It was like, I just zoned into that game last night, but it was amazing. Yeah. But I like, I think the Mets are going to be fine. Yeah.

Because in other words, they have the two best relievers. I mean, they have the two best pitchers. The best reliever. And they have the best reliever. And when their offense clicks. I believe I can trust with my life when the money's on the line. I don't know about my life, but I do believe him. Because we're not winning without him.

No, I know. Because we need a bridge. We need a middle relief, yes. We need a bridge to Diaz. If the middle relief's not there, just forget about it. Right. But even if we don't have any middle relief, but we have him as a stopper in the eighth so that Diaz doesn't have to go eight, nine.

Let's say, look, right now, Scherzer's going nine. He has to. He better. And DeGrom, really. You're emptying it at this point. But DeGrom can't even fucking go seven right now. Anyway, we're getting off track. So you start making this money.

I've heard you say, and I can't- But my point being that I disagree that it slants my opinion because it's a way of life. Right. It's a mission statement. Like, in other words, on single game boards, it's not always the underdog. But on a full board where I have to pick, the only value you're ever going to get gambling is using a dog shit team. Right. Using a team that the odds makers have to make it so enticing to you

that you're getting value right so if you can add on top of getting value against the grain against the public can't win you would never want to bet this because it's not even fun if you win those bets those are the ones win more than 55 percent of the time really yes without a without maybe 57 to 58 so you're also in a different spot with like most of the time really yes without without maybe 57 to 58 huh so you're also in a different spot with like most of the gamblers here because you like you want to win right like i feel like and obviously everyone wants to win i am not making money gambling a penny on my opinion i'm making money on people paying me for my opinion yes but like when like with dan like someone like sometimes someone will tweet dan be like nice picky idiot and he'll quote to you and be like yeah i'm, you fucking idiot. And he'll quote you and be like, yeah, I'm a big fucking idiot.

Like, I know. There's entertainers and then there's gamblers. You were a gambler. Right. For example, that's why when I first started with Barstool Sports Advices, it was so hard because I was giving out picks in advance that people were fucking saying, hey, that's your pick, pal. I don't want to hear about it. It was five days in advance. Because you guys were doing it on, like, Tuesdays.

So, in other words, I'm the only person that literally I have to win. Yeah. Like, there's no other way. Like, you know, I'm 3-0 on the show with my mortal locks. I won every week, my best bet. And it literally was the best bet you could have bet, you know, and I gave it for free. Yeah, giving up that five days in advance is crazy, Tom, right? But that's the least I can do.

I won all three weeks in a row so far. You know, all three of them, you know, the other two, Dan and Dave, were down pretty bad. Like, obviously, they fire a lot of games. They're not supposed to win. They're entertaining. But you also have this entertainment side of you. I'm one gambling, have to win in 1A entertainment because both

are hand in hand. But they could lose every game and they're still great. I lose every game. I'm out of business. They're not giving me a salary. You're still making money off of people buying picks yes absolutely i make over i make over over a million dollars a year for the last four years of people paying me specifically because they wanted my opinion on a given day interesting and then i you know then i mean what would most feel kind of god like yeah like if it's time for any of you yeah well well listen you. Yeah. If it's a time in control of you. Well, listen.

You know what it is? It's a tremendous amount of responsibility because in the end, do they make money unless they exactly listen? Like, for example, they're not going to stay with me when I lose three weeks in a row, but they have to.

Right. Because you're not going to catch the six weeks I'm going to win after that. Right. You've got to ride it out the whole way. Right. That's why there's that. No matter what you do,

you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Nobody wins. Right. Gambling is for the rich to have fun and lose money. Right. There's never been an equation

where you see the word gambling and you see winning. Gambling is, you want to win, but you don't. That's what gambling is. Right. Gambling is,

you fucking try everything possible, but you're not going to win. You know what I mean? Like you're never winning. Right. And people think like, well, come on, I don't want to pay you

because I can do 50% of my own. I can do 40% of my own like certain times and you're called 30%. No, you can't. You normally lose all your money and you're wiped out very quickly, very fast.

That's how gambling goes. Gambling is not very, it's very painful but it's very quick and painful. You don't really prolong it. You get murdered. Rarely do you have people that are making, you know making Dave Portnoy money,

big cap money. They can bet $10,000 a game. They can bet $25,000 a game. It's never going to affect them. Even me, if I lose $25,000 on a game, $10,000 on a game, I'm fucking crushed. Bet responsibly. Always bet responsibly.

No, no. You have to bet responsibly. Two years ago, I started dipping my toe in the gamble a little bit. And I think I'd always come in and be like, this is easy, dude. I got this. I'm winning. I'm not winning anymore. No, no, no.

Everybody does win. You catch your winning streak, but it eventually turns, and then you have to make a decision. Can you limit the amount of money you bet every day so you could fire every day, but the amounts you're firing are very tiny? Or do, or do you want to go down the road? You lose all your money. There is no other alternative. What was your highest at your peak? You're making, you're making over a million dollars a year right now. What was, is that? Well, no, no. In 1998 was my best. 1997 is my best year. I made 2.4 million. I wrote $16 million in business. I wrote 8 million on a

220 full and part-time people organization that worked for me. Right. In a building at an 8,000 square foot building. So, like 70s and 80s TV, telephones. I was the first person to create TV. Right. I was the first person to have a show. So, you're doing the TV.

I was the first person to do newspaper advertising. They call you and you have a recording of your picture? I would have an 800 number and people would leave their name and number. You know, it'd be too funny. Give me your name and number and I'll call you back. Stu Fonny, give me your number. Really? I had 100 people sitting at stations, little cubicles going, Stu Fonny, give me your name and number and I'll call you back.

And you would call them back? No. I would have a sales force. You would make a pick? You would make a list of picks? But it's my face. I'm presenting myself as the picker. Correct.

You would call back and say, here are all of Stu's picks? No, no, no. We would then have to sell the customer and get a form of payment. But that's what I mean. So they pay for per pick or they pay for everything? Every day we have three sets of games.

We have a single best bet a day, which if you can bet $1,000, $10,000, $50,000, $100,000, because the common denominator to win the easiest is 1 and 0. So if you go 1 and 0, that's what you want to do. Everything else is fun. Everything else is fun. You're normally supposed to be betting like 50 bets a

year. One a week. When I met Big Cat in PFT, I told him that and pardon my take, and he almost threw up. He's like, no, no, no, you don't understand. You don't understand Barstool. We fire. We watch the games. We stream.

We fire. We're betting every game, every day. It's action. That's our content. I'm like, but you can't win. They're like, we don't care, but we can't do it. So you look at the whole board and say, this is the best odds. Then I'll give three in, let's say baseball,

three in football right now. So I'll give you that combination. And you don't fuck around with like crazy parlays and all that shit. No, parlays are suck at bets. Right, right, right. Always suck at bets. Right.

And then I'll charge maybe a premium for a major play. Got it. Then I'll try to attract that million dollar guy that has a million, two million dollar bankroll

that can bet 25, 50, like Dave, 100,000 a night in action. Sure, sure. Doesn't really matter. That's what they do. I mean, is that one of the easiest

sales jobs in the world, being like a gambling? People love it. You cannot get an easier job ever, ever, ever, because they want to believe what you're saying because what you're saying is true.

You're going to collect cash because of you. You say anything. Nothing. They want to believe you. The coach's favorite color is blue and the sky is blue and the court is blue

and then you fuck it up. There's a big thing you're doing. I was doing this in 1981. Yeah. I had a sales pitch. I had people, to get a job with me, you had to go through a training thing

where I paid you $200 for training and lunch every day and lunch every day just because I like to eat lunch with people. Literally. You know what I mean? I made it up funny, it didn't matter, right? So I'd lock you in a room and you'd read a script and you would just for like seven hours a day,

yell it out loud and walk around like psychos for eight hours and then leave and do the same thing next night. So it would be like, you know, three key words in saying, listen, do this fair enough. Never let the customer talk when you're closing a sale. They're buying you and your enthusiasm. Yeah, some boiler room type shit. Right, exactly. Right, listen, do this fair enough. Never let the customer talk when you're closing a sale. They're buying you and your enthusiasm. Get some boiler room type shit. Right, exactly. In New England, there's a thing like, what color

sweatshirt Brady wears? Belichick wears, yeah. And he wore a red one this week, and they're like, why are we playing the game? Yeah, don't even bother. To answer your question, the easiest sale in the world. Well, they want it in the world. Well, they won in the world. And there's people in my business that can get a million to five million to ten million dollars out of a customer for nothing.

Just on a story. These people are super rich. Let me just say this. People are super rich and hence super lonely. When you're rich, you're lonely. And you got like a friend who's a gambling buddy. You would think Dave Portnoy has 100 best friends. You guys know he has one or two.

Right. You know what I mean? He does not even have five. You know what I mean? Like he really doesn't. You know what I mean? So in other words, you know. Kind of straight there.

You know, he who wears. He has no friends. Okay. He who wears the crown. You know what I mean? It's very lonely. So in other words. So these. So you would be able

to talk to these people and they paid you just to talk the sports meant nothing the gambling meant nothing you were like male escorts like male phone sex no no no

phone sex you know infinitum yes you know what I think what I love about it the most in whether it's gambling

or stocks or advertising whatever I love people who the most in whether it's gambling or stocks or advertising, whatever. I love people who have the gift of gab and the fucking, you know, the I'm going to charm you. Not like you're not like a phony. You're not like a con man. But like I got a product and I'm going to wow you with my knowledge or my enthusiasm or my charm or my wit. And like and the fact that you've withstood for 40 years or whatever it's the only job i've ever done since 1981 when the internet started did you like take

a hit or you always evolved like no no the internet put me out of business right it's not ready for the internet right and totally not ready i totally wiped out uh totally wiped out from 1999 to 2000 and like uh nine that nine. That's a long time. Like, so what are you doing there? Yeah, I was balls broke. Like, what are you, you got a mortgage, you got kids, you got like, what's going on? I didn't pay the mortgage for seven years. I put water, I put water from the faucet into water things because I couldn't afford water. Yeah, but when you say, I can't pay the mortgage for seven years, don't you lose your house?

What does that mean? No. No. What happens there? Well, for four years, the first time, I negotiated with the bank, and I said, I'm really struggling. And then I got a lawyer involved, and then the lawyer just padded it along until I could make good.

Then I renegotiated my deal. I gave them one payment. Then I went bad again for another three years. Same thing. So then my mortgage was, let's say, $600,000. payment and then i went bad again for another three years yeah but same thing so then they took then my mortgage was let's say 600 000 then they took like 740 000 i was in the arrears interest taxes penalties and they put it on the back of the mortgage so the mortgage became like a million five so you had to work out of that hole exactly so right now my mortgage is like 690 got it so in

other words but that's what they did. And at this point, is Sandy and the kids, are people scared? Are they freaking out? Dad's not making money? Is it dark times? I was very honest with my kids about everything. So in other words, when I had $4 million in the bank

and I was taking three limos of their children to F.A.O. Schwartz and to, you know, Planet Hollywood in Manhattan. And we're seeing Les Mis and Phantom and Miss Saigon and Cats, you know. Time for a great year. Christmas Carol every year. My son was born Christmas Eve, my 33-year-old. And he was the oldest.

So I didn't want him to cheat because he was a Jew. So, obviously, I didn't want to cheat him out of his birthday, which is Christmas Eve. So I used to take a lot of his friends into there and spend like $10,000. So my kids, when it was big, they was big. I was throwing, I was spending like, let's say, a half a million dollars a year on entertainment at the house. The house at the time was 7.88 because you served it was 2.58. I mean, the estate. And at 2.58, it's breathtaking, right?

Yeah, it's beautiful. It doesn't matter if you had a billion dollars. You had like three times that. Right. It's beautiful. It doesn't matter if you had a billion dollars. You still want to live there. You had like three times that. Right. It's unbelievable. So I was always living in the biggest house in the area, the most expensive, the most elaborate, making the most money. And when things went bad, like went bad for me meant I'm grinding making like $400,000. But there's still like money.

Right. There's always money. Yeah, okay. It just goes. So that's what I mean. It was never like you're in trouble as far as like. Well, no. When I was in trouble, still like money. Yeah, okay. It just goes. That's what I mean. It was never like you're in trouble as far as like. Well, no. When I was in trouble, I borrowed money.

I borrowed up to $7 million. So it was like $3 million to the mafia at like four points a week. I was paying them $12,000 cash a week, no interest back. But I had the strength to do that because I was with people since 1981. Plus, I was an earner. They always looked at me like Stewie the Jew The Christmas parties I was telling like twisted history like these people like hey, this is fucking Stewie the Jew He's a fucking earn it for us a little Stewie. Yeah No, I'm serious, you know me the knife I knife Knife. He knifed 10 people. I believe that. But he only went to jail for killing five.

I'm like, all the time. I'm like, I'm Vinny. Hey, you know, like my dick is inside my body. Right, right.

But they like you, right? I'm the vagina of a four-year-old. Like, literally, there'd be no balls. They'd be sucked in and my penis would be inside, inverted, and there would just be

like a little slit like I was a four-year-old. Like, literally, that's how scared I was for seven hours. I believe it. At this party, I just, you know. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Did any part of you,

at what stage of this was of your borrowing? Like did any part of you think like, I'm getting whack at this party? No, no, no. The very beginning parties when everything was super mellow. Like what happened was this, like I told the story in Twisted History where we had an office, we had the top floor.

I went from 100 square feet to the whole floor 3 000 square feet there was a place at the bottom that they got hookers uh and strip girls to dance at strip clubs now remember this is 1982 and uh they all look like cracks heads you know and they're all like disgusting ugly you know like bone bones girls you know and um all of a sudden this guy shows up one day, and his name was Joey Bang Bang, and he got out of jail for killing five people. And he owns the place.

He doesn't like my partner. He made a move on my partner, smacked him around twice. My partner reached out to his friend in the mafia. They smacked him around a third time. It was like the most ridiculous thing you ever saw in your life. But anyway. He called someone for help, and that person picked the shit up. Literally, how wild is that?

And the only reason he knew was he had to drive to Brooklyn. They were hyping up this guy that he was going to meet. But the guy that made a move on him really was a killer, so they weren't lying. And they asked him his address. And he thought that was wild. So he gave him a fake address. Next day they came to the office, smacked him around and said, we know where you live.

We're going to kill you. And they gave him a fake address. Oh my God! The first time the mafia guy downstairs made a move and hit my, I was late getting to the office, like 20 minutes, otherwise I would have been involved. The next time, same exact thing. It was unbelievable. Like people thought that it was me doing it.

Right, you're just missing these guys. I'm like 21, he's like 43. There's an Italian that went wild, got a toupee, got his face made up put like 50,000 worth of jewelry and when this guy got out of jail

he shunned him I'm like are you crazy shunning him he's like he's a graceful I'm like I don't care

what you think he is he's a murderer and he's gonna kill you and he's nice to me I mean why why are you doing this he's like fuck him he went to jail

I'm like oh my god so it really was so you were liked by the mafia then? What? Did you have any enemies? Everybody likes Stewie the Jew, right? Well, no, no, no. This guy was my enemy at the time until I secured a position, and then everything was smooth.

Yes. Did you ever, was there ever a moment where you were in deep and like, I'm not going to be able to pay them back? No. You were always pretty good with that. No, because they knew. First of all, they, they gave me so much credit that it was inhuman.

Got it. They gave me credit on the shot that I was going to pay back a third of the money and I paid back a hundred percent with interest. My man. You know what I mean? Like, so yeah, whatever.

And then I, I, and what's your famous line? You said I made $72 million and I spent 70 or I made 71 and I spent 72 or something. Correct. Like literally, right. Like literally,

like that's your, literally your life. I still owe a mortgage on my house. I won't, you know, within a spent 72 or something. Correct. Like literally. Right. Like literally. Right. Like that's your life. I still owe a mortgage on my house. I won't, you know, within a year, God willing. But I mean, it's amazing. You can't take it with you. You spent it. You rode the roller coaster.

I'm sure it was stressful as fuck. But when it's all said and done, you're on your deathbed. You're going to say you lived. For years on end, for years on end, we'd work from 8 in the morning until 10 at night. Yeah. And then we would open all the FedExes that came in that had cash in it. So that's how you were getting all those FedExes?

My only job... Boxes of money? And my only job was to like spend the money. So we would then drive to Atlantic City at like 12, get there at like 3.15, gamble until 4. Then it closed down then. At 4 o'clock, it wasn't 24 hours. Yeah.

And then we'd eat and come home back to work. I never even thought about that. Obviously, if I logically thought of it, like, yeah, you were getting cash sent to you. It wasn't credit or shit. I guess tax too, right? Well, there was a limit on the amount that people would trust us on a MasterCard and Visa

because you could just fucking bang it out. Like, you could just hit people's cards. The money goes in your bank. Then they charge back a month later and then they dispute it. You know, you got three months there. You could just hit people's cards. The money goes in your bank. Then they charge back a month later. And then they dispute it. You know, you got three months there. You could just murder people. But that's just, I mean, that would be like straight up criminal shit, right?

Yeah, but everyone did that. You were doing that? No, no, I wasn't doing that. But people did, in every form of business, people were doing that. Got it. But in my business, I could never get credit cards or credit because they were like, we don't understand how you're not a bookmaker we don't believe someone's paying you for that right what are

they buying i don't like they're buying my my brain yeah like we don't we're not lending you a penny on that so we was to get a merchant number was very hard like so we only got like a merchant at the beginning for 2500 a week in business if we're selling you know 10 250 sales and that was it so then people would have to send cash problem with cash is you could always get it on the back end after you won but to get it up front yeah you know because people are coming in not having money you know what i mean like people are never paying my business going hey how you doing i'm doing great i'm gambling i. Let's go. You're always trying to get back. You know, they might say that, but the reality is they're killed.

They're crushed. They're buried. You don't reach out to help on any level, males, until you're in trouble. You know, like, it's already too late, you know, like most of the time. For sure. So, yeah, so it was like the easiest sale. It was a good sale. Did you ever think about just, like, working in Vegas or something like that?

Being an odds maker? No, not really. Because I made like, for example, I was 21 years old and I made like 250. Yeah, so you were 23 years old. I made like 500. I just bought a house for 189,000. You know, I was already killing. You know what I mean?

There's no need to do it. I bought three cars. You know, a brand new Vette, brand new Mercedes, my wife, Alexis. I was going to say, and that's how you land your beautiful wife. If you are living paycheck to paycheck and need a little relief, even if you're not living paycheck to paycheck and need a little relief, Dave is going to hook you up

with $500. Not Dave Fortnoy, Dave.com. Go to the app store right now, get the app Dave, sign up for the extra cash, and you can be rewarded with up to $500 right this second. We all get random expenses we didn't expect. i actually i have to buy a wedding gift right now i need to buy a wedding gift i need to use dave to buy a wedding gift because i am super late on a wedding gift and that's what dave hooks you up with i don't have 500 bucks right now because i

spend money willy-nilly dave is going to give me 500 bucks in order to get a gift they can do the same thing for you like it doesn't have to be a wedding gift it can be uh gas money it can be clothes it can be groceries it doesn't matter if you need 500 bucks dave is going to hook you up no interest no credit check no nothing so go to go to the app store right now download the app dave again you go to the extra cash section and they'll hook you up with 500 bucks go to dave.com slash legal right now for all the legal mumbo jumbo. Or just go to the App Store and get yourself some Dave. Thanks, Dave. No. She was 11th grade, March 9th.

I saw her at the Farmingdale bowling alley. And she was at fucking 10. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, a 10. I'm like a 6. She's a 10. And she's bowling. She has these tight jeans on. And, you know, when you watch a girl bowl that has a hot ass, you know, is that anything better?

Right? There's nothing better than a hot chick bowl. And, you know, when you watch a girl bowl that has a hot ass, you know, is that anything better? Not even. Right? There is nothing better than a hot chick bowl. Literally, right? And then, God forbid, if you know you're getting laid afterwards, you get two hours of just, like, this is amazing. Like, you know what I'm saying? She was that good looking, my wife. So she's been with you through, like, kid shit.

March 9th, 11th grade, so that I went home and masturbated like 10 times. And then March 11th, we went into the city to cop acid from this guy Mountain at Central Park. Eight and a half by 11 piece of paper. He used to have a blotter, so we'd put him in like an eyedropper, and he would drop a little circle, and that would be like a blot on a piece of paper. And we'd buy 100 circles for $100. And then we'd go home and cut them in quarters and sell each quarter for a dollar. So we'd make back 300, we'd make 300 profits. She was doing that with you? Oh, so she's in the biz, huh?

No, no, no, no. She's a ride or die chick. I never met her before seeing her at the bowling alley. Never said two words to her. Right. I would never have the balls to talk to her. Right. I just wouldn't, you know, she's way too hot.

Right, right, right. There's no way. I literally wouldn't. You know's way too hot You know There's no way I literally wouldn't You know what I'm saying Yeah So She's there With this guy That I go in to buy the acid

From the Sky Mountain Who's 6'9 by the way Hair down to his ankles He has two dome and pitchers He takes a frisbee And wings it Like 70 yards They go fucking

Get it and come back So we just sit there And eat acid all day And we're at Central Park We're buying hot dogs After like the fucking Then this There's thousands of people There's so many people they would eat acid all day. And we're at Central Park, we're buying hot dogs off the fucking bend. There's thousands of people.

There's so many people. Thousands. And we used to do it most of the time from March to August. And it was gorgeous weather. And there would be thousands, there'd be hundreds of people

just watching this guy throw a frisbee and buying acid. And everybody was making money because you were able to make 400% selling it yourself. And it was great. And everybody was making money because you were able to make 400% selling it yourself. And it was great. And it was the acid that made you have like a trip

where you would have trails. And like if you looked at yourself in a mirror, you couldn't. You would have to cover the mirror because you would melt down like a devil. Like you would melt and you would just be like, ah! You know, it'd be like Freddy Krueger shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like when my parents or my friend's parents, we used to go, they used to come home like from work, they'd be like, why are all the mirrors coming to town? Like if you had a mirror when you walk in, a mirror in the kitchen, every bathroom, it was crazy. It just looks like a haunted house. And it was trails where you could literally,

like you could have a catch with a baseball with someone and it would be amazing because the baseball would go, it would leave a trail. Did drugs do that much better back then? I've always heard, you know, Quaaludes and acid. Yes, of course, 100%. And the reason being is that there were not, there were not like degenerate people

that were looking to cut it with something that you can get hurt with. Right. So you can't trust what you take now. Right. So yeah, we had pure connections. Everything. Cocaine, marijuana.

That's the coke's why I was here. Like think about it. You trusted a fucking jerk, a 6'9 whack job. Right. Throwing a frisbee in such a part with a blot thing. And I'm putting it in my, and it's fucking up my mind. But that's safer than what it was now. You used to be I would go like this

With your finger You would eat it And for six hours You would just go like this And your finger would go And then you would pull it back And you would just sit there You would sit there

For like the whole day Central Park That was your day What'd you do When you're making money Fucking gambling You ever wonder When people are like

What did they do for Netflix It took a lot of fucking Accidents It's so funny I'm always so fascinated By the Quaaludes Cause like The Coke is like not Listen Quaaludes I never wonder when people are like, what did they do for Netflix? There's a lot of fucking. I'm always so fascinated by the Quaaludes because like the Coke is like not. Listen, Quaaludes are very bad. You would take a Quaalude and try to fuck your best friend's girl in front of him. Literally.

I thought that was like a. It was a downer. But you would go crazy? Oh, yeah. You'd go wild? Every woman. Every morning? Every woman loses. It was like Bill Cosby's go to.

Oh. That was his go to. I thought it was more of a fun thing. No, that was his go-to. That's a bad thing. Literally. Because the coke is not as good as it was. But people took them on their own.

We weren't looking at drug people. You know what I'm saying? But it's like you might not get good coke anymore, but there is good coke. When I went to high school. When I went to high school by the college kids and the older brothers of my friends, we were taught to get girls drunk. Or to give them drugs.

I don't know about drugs, but there's always been a get a girl a drink. In other words, it was crazy. If you look back, it's like, oh my god. Everyone's animals. It was like the blind teaching the blind. Literally. So anyway, so March 11th, i just kissed sandy on the way back from so anyway the time we went the time so with sandy first time

he's not there he's not there so we go to brew and burger so for 4.95 cents you could have all the beer wine sandriga send, sangria that you can drink and a giant burger with fries and a shrimp cocktail and a cheesecake. Jesus. Fucking deal. So we go there, we get annihilated. I'm not a good drinker.

After five beers I would give away my life. I'd be like, take my clothes take a picture of my six inch dick. I don't think of that as a bad drinker i think i can eat a thousand milligrams and smoke a half ounce of pot and do 10 dabs right in front of you yeah and i could knock out any high school college fucking fraternity like yeah i'm standing right but beer you get drunk on beer or that yeah five shots of that i'm throwing up right it's different. Just not me. So anyway, so

in other words, I get back on the train. I go, wow, I really like Sandy. And the two other girls over there are like, you're such a dummy. That's why she's here. So we kissed March 11th like 11.40 at the train station. That was it. We're now 10 years in the day and got married. Now also though, you are the horniest man

alive, right? And it's just been horny for Sandy since then. Yes. Never – you know, you – like a man like yourself, I think you could have vetted thousands of women. Let me just say this. Let me just say this, okay? Prostitutes don't count, and can we go on? No, can we – I don't have a prenuptial.

The first time I'm on this guy's fucking scumbag kills me now. Sandy's going to be like. But so when it's all eat ass, lick clit. It's pretty much. Well, listen, this is you want you want to hear the essence of that? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't come across as like a fraud.

OK, so I get involved with Barstool. Now there is an absolute disconnect because I'm 55 years old. Yeah. And you guys are doing cutting edge 22-year-old things, 20-year-old things, 18-year-old things that unless you're living it, there's no way you'd even get the joke. Right, right. So, of course, Barstool to me was funny because Dave was being wild. You guys were being wild. But I had no idea of the actual content because it made no sense to me.

Right. Like, you guys said something. I'm like, I have no idea what you just said it makes you you're a you know right right like i have no idea what you're talking about you know what i'm saying so um so then my kids started telling me you know like what it is and you know it's cutting edge and you got to get involved and then finally uh big cat and uh pft reached out to me by doing a skit with Ria, who was taking the fish tank food and putting it on. Yeah, yeah, right. Larry's Fish. And they entered Larry the goldfish into the Hilton Handicapping Contest, 10,000 biggest bettors in the world. They paid $2,000 to enter the fish, $1,000 for a proxy to put the bets in every week. You've got to live in Nevada.

Three grand for the fish came in 63rd. So it hit like 64%. So it made all the stoolies like millions and millions of dollars yeah so much so that you know big cat and pft robbed him by saying hey buy into it i don't even know what happened anyway that was so illegal like every time they went into erica's office eric is like listen you can't sell anything with larry they're like, I'm sorry, Eric. I thought that was the greatest content Eric was ever involved with. I would pee in my bucket. I don't even know where that money went.

But in other words, you know, so in other words, so that's how I got involved. So now I have an audience of 13 to 35. And I'm thinking, what is the greatest gift I can actually give them besides being funny and i'm like when i was young when i a girl when i was young sandy 17 years old come quick

how do you make the girl come like you know that was my trainer reference you know i don't know if i made sandy come so she was like 21 she took me 17.. Like she made herself comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me actually figuring the game out. Right, right. Yeah, she was too hot. I'm like, I can't believe I'm fucking this girl. I can't believe I'm fucking this girl. I can't believe I'm fucking this girl.

I'm fucking a hobbit. She's a bitch. I mean, she was so smoking hot. Like if you go to my Twitter, you see what she looks like. Yeah, she's a bomb. She's fucking 61 years old. She's still classy. You know what I'm saying?

So let me put some meat on the bone here. looks like she's fucking 61 years old she's still classy you know what i'm saying so um let me put some meat on the bone here so i had i had my partner taught me to buy a vibrator and to eat my wife's pussy and to eat my wife's ass and i didn't when we when were you eating ass like when was the first time you were in ass 1980 i mean that's three i said you know like i was taught by him directly all right So then that guy's the first guy. It was when Chuck Berry was getting it. That was the first actual, like, literal someone said do this. Because all the guys I grew up with, which would be my peers.

In 1981, you're fucking like eating ass. So like, you know, a tongue gets in there. You're like, I'm doing this on purpose. Because it's a difference. You know, you're a girl out and you get down there versus like. She loved it so much and she came so quick

and it was the first time that I did it like it was my job. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I did it like my life. Pioneers, both of you.

She probably went back to her friends going, I gotta tell you what I was doing. This guy, he does things. I was 21, he was 43.

Right. So he taught me everything. You know what I'm saying? And he was never, he used to go to his parents without partners meetings and pick up like three girls at night and fuck them all.

And like, like he'd tell me what he did with them. I'd be like, this is insane. So anyway, so I thought, what would be great

to tell Barstool? And I said, put some meat on the bone. Let him, let me teach them how to eat ass liquid fuck. You know? Buy a vibrator. Put a five-minute, three-minute session. We've been through it.

Hottest girl in the world. You're trying to bang her for three weeks. You get her three minutes. And she's not into sucking your dick or eating your ass, so you're not getting a hard-on right now. You feel like, wow, I'm an inept fucking lay and I just came

with a girl in my dreams in three minutes. You know, that was the story. She's leaving. She's leaving. So that's when I put the 15-15-30 together

because it is a simple roadmap to having a plan to have sex. Well, if you can have sex, you have confidence. As a male It's so important sexually to be at least

Competent you know you're not gonna break because you know I mean in the fuck world You know there's a million great fucks, and you're not one of them right? Thank God. You know you know right? You know basically whatever yeah, right, so so that's how the 15-15-30 came about it's so fucking funny because sex sells I mean sex and gambling man you're you know you should get into 15-15-30 so you're 15 minutes

yeah no I know what it is but you're you're eating pussy for 15 minutes at a time no oh wait so what's the 15-15-30 well because but when yeah when I'm fucking 13-30

yeah not when I'm 61 right but no but the- But you were doing- 15 minutes, you eat her pussy. 15 minutes, you eat her ass. That's a lot of eating pussy. Yeah.

15 minutes is a long time. Well, listen, I mean, in this day and age, you're in a pandemic. You don't even see women. I mean, like, so when you might as well just fucking be good. Still, we're out of the pandemic, babe. Come on. No, no, no, but I'm saying you went through a- Right, right, right.

When I was a kid, that never happened. Right, right, right. We were, you know, at least- When did you lose your virginity? July 4th, 1978. Four months into the relationship. How old were you? We saw a movie called The Band.

It was like, and they did a song, if I don't do it, somebody else will. And I said to Sandy, I said, Sandy, listen, I love you, but there's so many other, I mean, hot girls, not as hot as you, but they will fuck me. And I don't want to fuck you behind your back, but that's not as true. So July 4th, like two days later, we fucked on my friend's bed, and she bled all over the bed.

It was crazy. It was like the most weirdest fucking thing. So that was when I lost my virginity. We lost it together. Together? Yeah. And then was that it? What does that mean?

Like then were you single? Never single. Sandy, you that it? What does that mean? Like, then, were you single? Never single. Sandy, you're one and only? I've never been single. But, yeah,

so, prostitutes don't count, but you've never had another girlfriend. you just said, you're a scumbag. No, no, no,

you're a, no, you're a low life, I'm gonna fight you. You only get one relationship. I'm gonna save you from dying. No, I'll tell you what,

I don't save Kevin from dying. Yeah, like, like literally, that's we know that like in reality land you know

not like I fucked a thousand women like Will Chamberlain my dick's you know the biggest and I'm the greatest even though I am a good lay because I try so hard

right right right and I can make a girl come without even touching her because I'm a great talker so that's like the battle you make him laugh and you can make him talk

I can make him talk. And I've been taught by some psycho guy. The best part about you, Stu. The whole key is if I didn't meet him, I might have been the one minute man. Your show and my sex life.

This is back like this is the Bushes big, right? Yeah. So like someone sent me that and I'm being like, you gotta eat ass. We used to buy a book with, it's called

from these people, Masters and Johnsons. I think they did like a show on these people and they created where how, like when you were gonna come, you would have to grip your penis so that you keep your cum down

like your partner would have to do this. Like put Sandy through this cum down like your partner would have to do this. I'm like, Sandy, you got to read it. She's like, can't we just watch Dynasty? We're in like a motel. Dude, this is too hard. I'm like, yeah, but I want to hold my penis. Come in for five to ten minutes.

All kinds of stuff in the Barstool store. The jacket is in there right now. Sad boy season. Terry button-ups. Moon man waffle long sleeve tees. KFC radio retro logo tees. Throwing bombs. Banging moms.

We do have so much more coming out. It's so sick. Cool ass fucking sad boy corduroy shirts. Hats. The knitted polo, which was a big hit, and we will be coming out with a bunch of long-sleeve ones. Go to store.barstoolesports.com to shop it all now. When it's all said and done, see, so many people live such a normal life.

Like, you can do Twisted History. You can do this. You probably should write a book at some point. I wrote a book. I have a book. Bet you I can. You need like a, a real book.

Yes. Like you are, you, someone needs to buy the rights to, you know, there should be movies and there was movies about you, but like,

you know, you know what I mean? There are just so many guys who are just like, I have normal parents and I lived a normal life and I got a job and I had a family.

You get with the mom and you're with the girls. You're in New York City in the 80s. You're gambling. You're making millions. You're losing millions. You're up, you're down. Didn't you do something... I remember you were explaining to me at one of the Islanders games

where you were almost like a ticket master before Ticketmaster was a thing. You were selling tickets to Bar like, like you were like a ticket master before ticket master was a thing? Yeah. Were you selling tickets to Barclays and like you were buying them in bulk and like you were a third party salesman? This guy, George Kazepis, a Greek, and he graduated from, in Elmont,

and he was on Arlington. They had a Carvel on the corner there. And then you get off the Southern State at exit 17, you go right to the Carvel, you make a left, this house is right there. Anyway, so me and Sandy loved Genesis. We love fucking Genesis. Genesis is our band. I see you rock out to them. Love Genesis. It was like two years after

Peter Gabriel left the band. He was the fronter, he was the singer, he wrote most of the material. Phil Collins was not the front man or the singer, he was the drummer. So now that Peter Gabriel left the band, Phil Collins is the singer. He wrote most of the material. Phil Collins was not the front man or the singer. He was the drummer. So now that Peter Gabriel left the band, Phil Collins is the singer and writing most of the material. So they put out an album called And Then There Were Three. Because there was really five people in the band.

And Phil Hackett left the band. And then Rick Wakeman. You know, there was like people. There's people that left. Not Rick Wakeman. But there's people that left the band. So then there were three. And they had this song, Follow You, Follow Me. And that became like me and Sandy's love song.

It was like, that was our love song. So we go to Madison Square Garden, and we each give this guy, George Gazepas, $40 each, and we buy Seventh Row Center. And we saw the show. He gave me his card. He said, if you could bring down people and wait in line for me, because I know when the concert's going to go

on sale, or I know when they're going to get about tickets. And then the next day, you use the ticket to buy the show so I get all the first five rows. If you get people, they'll get a free ticket or they'll get $100. Then that was so much money.

$100. I was in 11th grade. $100 is like a million fucking dollars. So we got all the first five rows to every show. And this guy used to let me keep tickets and I had hundreds of shows who floated his money

it was like five rows to every show MSG Madison Square Garden National Palisade the Palladium New Jersey

like 20 shows from the time you're fucking 16 years old you're wheeling and dealing and that was just fell into that

you've got to like that we started selling pot off of that you know what I'm saying yeah yeah you know my brother went into cocaine I was too skid

because I didn't want to go to jail you know what I mean and in high school one of my friends that was a year older than me got arrested somebody set him up

his friend set him up and he went to jail for like two years you ever have any trouble with the law no never never I was arrested once

in my entire life I was at the Trump castle and Donald Trump's like first wife, and she designed this amazing. So we were wasted. One of my salesmen's 21st birthday, we went there. This is going back. Where's the castle? Trump Castle doesn't exist no more.

Where was it? Atlantic City. Atlantic City. He had Trump Plaza. Right. Trump Taj Mahal. Trump Castle. I didn't know of the castle.

Yeah. that he had Trump Plaza, Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Castle. I didn't know where the castle was. And so then they had this bust of like, you know, like one of these men walks around in the tin outfit. So I said,

I'm going to fucking take this and put it on my brother-in-law's desk. So I took it. We'd go outside with it and it can't fit in the fucking trunk. And like,

they eventually came and arrested me and fucking brought me down and I had to do 200 hours worth of community service. 200 for stealing a fucking bus? Yeah, you know how much a bus was worth? 8,000 because it had all these like rubies and diamonds. No.

Grand laws. Oh my God. Grand. Oh my God. I wasn't stealing it for that. I swear to God. I just wanted to promote this. You were a joke.

I would have returned it. Yeah, yeah. Oh wasn't stealing it for that. I swear to God. I just wanted to prove it. I would have returned it. Oh, my God. It was terrible. It's the only time I've had any problems with the law ever. I mean, so you maybe took that one minor hit when the internet came out, but you're like a cockroach, man. You keep evolving. You keep up with Barstool. You got the show.

You're on the visors. I eventually have a good opinion. I make people laugh. You do great. How old are you? I'm 61 right now. Yeah, I mean, you're with it risers I have a good I eventually have a good opinion I make people laugh you do great how old are you I'm 61 right now yeah I mean like you're with it

with social media you know how to post how to you know you know you're you'll be doing this until you're fucking dead

I could do it until I'm dead if I want to my wife's retiring next year when we went Bowles broke she got a job she took the civil service test

got a hundred she's super smart photograph of memory like you know Jeopardy smart you know who's smart too your kids my kids are smart kids are her my kids are smart because of her but you know i i just think sometimes you know you're so funny and bombastic and ridiculous and then you learn that like you have how many kids three four four and thirty three thirty one twenty seven

twenty three graduating graduating magna cum laude and they have jobs my oldest was valedictorian right he went to brown university right valedictorian he went to brown university right valedictorian brown is fucking insane 1580 SAT 2280 the new way crazy but my second kid got

you know 1300 my third kid got 1200 everybody's brilliant you have this like family that's all succeeding and they're all so polite like anytime I met them they're all

how many do we have three four oh we have four I don't know we have four but they're all so polite to me and everybody else. He's my only college athlete. It's just that behind the fucking veil, there's also this whole family.

Listen, that's why I have a lot of meat on my own. I'm like an onion. You know what I mean? In other words, I'm a very good husband, a very good father, a very good friend. I'm an accomplice. Did that ever get weird? What? Were your kids ever like,

fuck up dad, you're being a clown on the TV? I don't know. No, they pissed on me. Oh yeah, okay. They destroyed me. All my kids were amazing until they were 14. Then children become scumbags.

14's the number where they turn on one of their parents and it only gets worse after that. But now, you're the fucking cool dad and they tell you to get in the barstool and you're a huge part of it now, so it's like, fuck you, I'm pissing on you now. Well, no, listen, but they're still my kids and within the

family setup. My wife's always right. My wife tells me to yell at my kids until they come back to my wife, and then my wife yells at me for yelling at them when I told her you told me to yell at them. And the cycle continues. And that's how it works.

The funniest thing I think I've ever fucking seen this past summer, Stu Feiner, Stu Apalooza, whatever the fuck it was, right? I mean, this party was ridiculous. There was no reason fuck it was right I mean this party was ridiculous there was no reason for it right

$70,000 no reason it was supposed to be no reason and I just it was supposed to be for the marathon and you never did the marathon

I just gave my wife $26,000 cash I settled up with see my wife could we'll go back to your story in a second my wife could never

stop me from spending so now she had a rule where it's match play you want to spend $10,000? Good. You just got to give me the $10,000 cash. I don't care what it is. You don't got to tell me it's a Met game. You're going to lie to me.

I don't care what you're spending money on. I just want it. So she murdered me. She stopped me. I had to give her like $160,000. I mean, I'm never going to. I don't even want to go to a bar. I don't want to spend a penny for the rest of my fucking life.

You fucked me, you piece of shit. You got me. And she's right. Yeah. Because I should have literally like maybe $ me. And she's right. Yeah. Because I should have literally like maybe 50 or 100 million saved. Yeah. Because I was making money

when there was nobody making money but me. Yeah. Like I was like making a million dollars a year and I was trying to spend a million one and I did. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can spend it. It was crazy.

But yeah, $70,000 party, no reason. Right. Everybody there was going, why are we here? And there was something about a marathon that you didn't run and it was like okay whatever we're doing tents and food catered someone sang the national fucking anthem how great was that amazing the band was amazing no the band was amazing like a superstar she is but the best moment uh on the mic was when you

you got on the mic and you started thanking everybody and and talking everybody and you bring up sandy and you were like she's amazing she puts up with somebody i mean seriously somebody should fucking murder me put me out of my misery she deserves it and i mean it was i've never laughed so hard i deserve to be murdered i put her through hell somebody fucking kill me i've never laughed so hard in my fucking life. It was so goddamn funny. It was a hell of a party too, man.

It was like the perfect Stu Feiner experience. You were high as shit, just shoveling food, making sure everyone's good. You're the greatest host. You're telling jokes on the mic. I mean, you live the life, man. Yeah, it was fun. That was a good party because that might be the last time I'm able to ever get away with that again. Yeah. Yeah, because she told me she was leaving me party because that might be the last time I'm able to ever get away with that again. Yeah.

Yeah, because she told me she was leaving me like five months up into the party every day. I'm like, you're such a scumbag. Why are you killing me? You're not going to leave me. And you just tortured me. She's like, fuck you. You didn't need to spend this much money. I want a kitchen.

It was great. I want to go to Europe. I'm like, honey, it's one last party. So I literally. What does she think of Barstool? She likes us or she thinks we're clowns that are. You see, like her MO is that she does not like the spotlight. She does not like to be on camera.

Even though she's a perfectionist, when she goes out of her house, her makeup's perfect. Her clothes are perfect. She looks like Patty Perfect. She's beautiful. You know, on a a world her worst day's people's best day right but uh no so she she says i'm perfect for it you know what i mean like this you found a home because this is fucking you you know i mean like literally but in other words but she would not be able to do it like right we've had some really good multi-million dollar guaranteed offers to do reality. I bet.

Yeah. And she's like, you don't want to give me a billion dollars. I know. But I would do it in a hot second. Like if my family was, and my kids don't like it either. None of them like the spotlight. None of them. Right.

So anything I do is embarrassing on a normal a normal father date no less me you know i might you know my kids come home i'm almost in fight with them she's like uh they're like don't like michelle's post you're embarrassing me everyone sees it you know she's hot in like a fucking... I just... I like it! She was like, oof, I could just see this bowl. So I embarrassed the fuck out of them. But what are you gonna do? I think they love it deep down.

Listen, you do what you gotta do. We should do... So you're very close with Joey Diaz, right? Yeah, that's just amazing because you know the whole story with Diaz?z well so it's funny you say that because i'm learning the story and this is what i want to pitch to you so ryan sickler is a podcast uh and a comedian out on the west coast he's very close with joey diaz what he's doing with him is joey's coming on his show and ryan is just kind of peppering him with questions and Joey is telling the whole

tale of his life he started back in like 1950 whatever and he goes like hour by hour on the podcast and they pick up wherever they leave off and then he said I'm going to give you all the tapes and you'll have the recording of like your whole life history and it's on my show but I'll give it to you we should do that here with you you come on regularly and you just tell each of these stories, and we go chronologically from whenever you want to start to whenever you want to end,

and it'll be the complete anthology of Stu Feiner. I could do that. I mean, because this is like the fucking, you know, the tip of the iceberg. I'd imagine the stories are endless. Endless. So as long as you can remember and tell them, you can come on here and tell.

I can't remember somebody's name that I just saw five minutes ago. No, but the story from 1972 when you were... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it was yesterday. I mean, I would love to do it, so we'll have you back whenever you want and we'll do it like, you know, every couple months or whatever and we'll tell the whole tale. Good. Anything you want to tell the people now?

I have a new podcast that's really funny. It's me and my son Alex. Okay. And Alex runs the social media. Alex is my 31 year old. When did this start? I recorded yesterday my fourth. Oh, okay. Brand new.

Four. How did I not know this? Yeah, it's only Stu. Got it. It's only Stu. Only Stu. Okay. And I just rattle with Alex for about an hour.

So, you know, that's something that I would love for everybody to subscribe. Well, yeah, do the stories there, too, and tell it on that. But, I mean, I have so – it's endless. If I talk for the rest of my life, if I'm coming on your show every day, I have endless stories. Every day. You'll never stop. Every day.

Like, I have millions of stories. When it's all said and done, man, good or bad, you lived it. So no toys about it. So I would like everybody to go to OnlyStew, and then BeLikeStew.com is for all my shout outs, which I love doing the shout outs. Somebody calls me up. I do so many bachelor parties. I bet.

People love me to do a bachelor party where they give me the ten people and I just torch. They give me little tidbits and I torch the people. You must do a lot of the fantasy. Yes, I do amazing fantasies. What are your punishments or your rewards or whatever? Yeah, 100%.

And you can get that at BeLikeStu.com, the flags. And now I have the cum towel that I just got out so you can buy the cum towel. And then on the Barstool store, the Barstool Sports Advisor shirt with me, Dave, and Dan. A quest to sell 1,000 items and to sell 1,000 items is epic. I mean, have you ever sold a thousand items on one thing? I mean, it's very, very hard.

Right. It was a big hit when you do that. Right, okay, right. So we will make that happen. You can't have them on your hands, I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Right. So, in other words, nobody sells like a flag like you did a million. How many did you sell? You sold over a million flags. I would guess, yeah. I would guess probably

over a million. I mean, that's amazing. But did you get rich on that or not? That's a whole other podcast, Stu. that's another story that you want to talk about a podcast the second time that story's come up today but i'm saying so no but you know but that's hey listen then that's how it works when you work for a company you work for roger gamble you invest chris toothpaste you get your salary that's why you're here asshole you know like i know dave portnoy yelling.

Like, any time I put Dave against the fucking wall, I'm like, I want fucking a million dollars. I want, no, I want two. I want to fucking be the number one guy. It's like, Stu, you know, I get people like you for $80,000. That's what you're worth. I'm like, I'm not worth $80,000. You fucking, I made you, you scumbag. You're bothering you and your uncle uncle watch my show, dick.

There is no Barstow without me. He's like, Stu, maybe a hundred grand. And that's a lot. And that's more than I want to give you, Stu. A hundred thousand. I'm like, Dave, for a hundred thousand, what do I have to do? Come to work every day and work your balls off. I'm like, I go for $100,000, what do I have to do? Come to work every day and work your balls off. I'm like, I go out of business, Dave.

You got too much else, man. All right, Stu Feiner, living legend. Love everyone. It's an honor. It's such an honor. We'll have you back soon. It was great. Ready to roll. you you you you you