KFC Radio - Taylor Schilling, Sam Morril, and Laundry Lady Sabotage

Episode Date: May 7, 2019

KFC and Feits move into the new office and studio and discuss the changes at Barstool. John's laundry lady has a crush on him and might be trying to ruin his relationship (15:00). Game of Thrones recap and recording in a Thrones themed hotel (25:00). Voicemails (47:00) is it ok for all the girlfriends of your friend group to have a group chat, what organ your you improve? Taylor Schilling (59:00) from Orange Is The New Black stops by to talk about her new movie, Family, and take the Birthday Booze Cruise. Then Sam Morril (1:27:54) stops by to talk about punishing a Fort Worth crowd with liberal jokes, LJ's 4-point play, and trying to trick Chris Rock into a conversation.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Another edition of KFC Radio presented by Postmates, brought to you by 1-800-Flowers. I'm mad at you if you're still listening to this ad and you're still like, oh wow, this is a big deal, I gotta listen. Because that means you haven't been listening to us. We've been telling you for the past week straight to stop everything you're doing and order your mother some flowers. Have to do it now.

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Radio icon. KFC. For your deal. We're here. We've arrived. New studio. New HQ. This is very cool.

Do you care about this? I care about this. I like it. Yeah. I care about this whole. Do you care about this? I care about this. I like it. Yeah. I care about this whole thing. I care about the new office. I care. And I really care. I don't not care about.

I guess I don't really care about it. I don't like people who are like, who cares? Whatever. I'm not like that. But I'm also. Just like you show up to work wherever. You do it here. You do it there.

Whatever. Yeah. I get that. But I think. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. But I think, uh, I mean, yeah, no,

I guess I got sentimental about it. I didn't care about leaving the old office, but being at the new one, this place is so big and so fucking cool. And this office is too big. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about getting scooters.

We're going to become scooter guys. We're going to die. We are in the process of getting two scooters for us. Cause getting from my desk to the office, to the studio. I mean, that's gotta to be, what, a quarter of a mile? Yeah, it's a good walk. It's a long walk. So we're going to be scooter guys. And then it's like, then you're like Silicon Valley assholes.

You know what I mean? We should get some beanbag chairs, too, or some shit. They're not motorized, to be fair, but we'll be scootering. We'll definitely be scootering around. I might even make you, I might even get, you have me i'll sit like we'll get like i can sit shotgun scooter me across the side cars yes exactly that the uh i i do i am frustrated that it's not done i think that i don't think we should have moved in when it's not done because i do think that changes the yeah well this is a soft launch yeah exactly this is like the beta version but this is

i mean i mean this has a little mean, this has a little bit, the studio has a little bit of work to be done. If you're watching on Gold, you know, there's some boxes and some empty things. But, I mean, the mural of the Moon Man is fucking fire. We've got some old T-shirts, some classic. We've got to get some Saturdays for the boys stuff up there. Like custom kicks.

We've got the mannequins supporting our gear. The quilted design on the wall. I mean, I've recorded from 28th and 3rd, 89th and 3rd, 80th and 2nd, Hoboken, my mom's house,

my brother's basement, and now here. It was the second bedroom. Second bedroom. Fucking basement. It was a duplex. Real estate agent over here. That's eight. It was the second bedroom. Second bedroom. Fucking basement. It was a duplex. Real estate agent over here. The fucking basement.

That's eight places. And even, and then, so this is nine, because, you know, and then last office, which,

you know, in the beginning, I mentioned, I think in the last episode, saying like, oh, I thought we like, had made it. Now I feel like we actually have made it.

Like, I came in today, I was just like clem you want to record right now like no scheduling conflicts our own our own chairs our own mics our own setup so that that means something to me i also think that um i think right now as you're listening as as we're recording this it's monday monday at noon i think by the end of today although dave's not here and usually a lot of the internal drama doesn't really kick up. By the way, I mean, it's funny that Dave's not here.

He's here. He's in New York, right? No, no, no. I think he's going to the Celtics tonight. Oh. So I think he's in Boston. Oh, okay. I thought that was his apartment.

According to Pete, at least. From the video last night. What? I thought that was his apartment in the Thrones video last night, but maybe it's his Boston one. That video's ridiculous. He was so stoned. Not that it matters.

You can be completely sober and make the same mistakes and say the same dumb shit. But I think by the end of today, the storyline is going to be people are upset about their seating. Who gives a fuck? Are people upset? Or is there an insider scuttlebutt? Yeah. I think people really clicked off at the old office and you got used to your seats and your neighbors and shit. And now this is like assigned seating, which is kind of real life corporate shit.

And I think that some of it was strategic. You're not with your best buddies anymore, so you're probably going to do a little bit more work. But I also think it's weird that this is a place where I think the more you're interacting and shit like the better i think it would be bad we might as well just all work from home again if it's just like sit down and write a blog yeah so but i think there's gonna be some issue with that it's nice to tommy i like tommy it'd be fun he's a bits guy oh tommy tommy won't be doing bits to me well he frankie was like fuck this i'm not a bits guy don't waste your time on me and and frank. And Frankie made him promise that he will tell him when he's doing bits so he can put his headphones on. So you're right next to Tommy.

You might get the brunt of the bits. I think people know don't talk to me. I think so, too. I think so, too. I think you have fully established that brand. That aesthetic is shining through, my friend. Yeah. It's a lot of work.

A lot of foundation here. I put fucking man hours into that shit. Your hair's looking fire right now. Thank you very much. You got some length going to it, huh? Yeah. You're going to let go? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, might as well see where it fucking ends up. I'm going to let it go because I'm excited to see. When I cut it, I'm just going to cut it right back to really short. Oh, wow. So I'm just going to go, let it go, let it go, let it go. And then just boom, like a jarring change. Yeah, that's going to be wild. I was watching an old video.

You had like short, short hair the other day. It's a wild look. Anyway, back to this office. Everybody is prone to judge and complain and don't like change and shit. People should not be complaining about this fucking place. This place is awesome. And I'm sure there are some hardcore Barstool fans who don't like that it's like, they think that we sold out.

They think it's too nice. They think it's corporate. Fucking whatever, dude. Shut the fuck up. Anybody that's doing that here, anybody, you know how much shit pete has probably gotten no and it's like he's delivering basically by himself i mean obviously there's a lot of people doing the work but he's doing like the planning he's delivering i don't know what is this like a

10 million 20 million dollar office where the fuck this is like here you go guys and people are like the stalls are we're gonna see or hear each other pooping shut the fuck up man like come on guys this is sick it is it is interesting it's like it's the only place barcelona like the only place in the world where you could complain about this just not just about anything like imagine anyone else walking into their job and being like uh hang on a second right i wasn't consulted about yeah i don't like this seat i don't like the walls i don't like how far i have to walk like this you weren't consulted because your opinion doesn't matter exactly shut up and go to well consultant because your opinion doesn't matter.

Exactly. Shut up and go to the bathroom. Well, I mean, I think this is going to be a new change where, you know, I don't think people are just going to walk into Eric Nardini, the CEO's office anymore. It's like, you might not even. Remember when Coley just took her office? Took over. She put up a picture, like a farewell picture, being like,

our office was great with Coley, like rolling with the punches. Like, how many CEOs are okay with? Casey said she just napped in there. She was like, I would just go in there and nap if I needed to. It's the CEO's office. I mean, you're not even supposed to know your CEO. They're supposed to never talk to the CEO, like at a real company ever. It's not like I talked to the head partners at Deloitte. You know what I mean?

It's like, you just come in and you fucking do your work and you're happy. They pay you and you shut up. There's a chain of command. Here, this is just like, I'm going to go nap in the CEO's office. Bananas.

If you want to send them an email, you talk to your direct superior first. Right. Yeah, yeah. And maybe there's someone even, yeah, direct superior and that guy's like nobody.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a whole, a lot of conversations have to happen before you can know your CEO's email address. Right.

Let alone fucking nap in their office. Absolutely, man. And I mean, you know, I hate to give the guy any sort of credit ever, but, you know, Dave Portnoy will blog in the fucking, you know, in the sewer. You give him a computer and internet connection. So I think a lot of people are going to be getting used. I mean, could you guys just start in Barstool now? It's like, I think I said this on CCK.

Like, if you start Barstool now, you're an asshole an asshole what do you mean i don't like any new hires like if this is your first impression of barstool oh yeah i think like if someone started like a barstool no no if you begin working for barstool now and this is your first office and your first studios and your first experience i hate to be the whole you know walked uphill both ways sort of thing but it's like but i walked uphill yeah but we really did that that that whole, you know, walked uphill both ways sort of thing. But I walked uphill both ways. Yeah, but we really did. That phrase doesn't make sense except if you work for Barstool. It was just constantly uphill. There was never any downside.

So I think it's dope. I'm proud of it. I also, we mentioned this already. I might be repeating myself. I'm sorry if I am. But I'm okay with, like, putting in effort to design this place. I don't think that's, like, corny. I don't think it's cheesy or try hard this place. Like, I don't think that's like corny. I don't think it's cheesy or try hard.

It's like, I like custom sneakers. And these are some of the t-shirts that put us on the map and we're going to have the mannequin for our, for our merch. And like, Oh yeah. Let's show,

let's show those mannequins titties by the way. Yo, this mannequin. So they gave us a female mannequin. Um, I don't know why, you know, we,

I mean, shout out to chicks in the office. Maybe we'll donate that to their room so that they can put their merch on display. But, uh, we don't do why. Shout out to Chicks in the Office. Maybe we'll donate that to their room so they can put their merch on display. But we don't do much female merch. So we have the male mannequin, which is jacked. I put this Cam'ron Dipset shirt on him. Boy, does it look better on him than it does on me. Shit.

And then we got the female mannequin. I'm a fucking bitch. Titties. Did I beat you up? I pinched myself. This mannequin has... titties are just beat you up this mannequin has bomb-ass titties they've got like when the nipple almost goes points upward you know what i mean like they've got it's like good round nice natural titties those are the best tits i've ever seen i mean and usually i'm a mannequin ass guy.

I come from the Bronx where all the... No, that's a white girl butt. Usually... It's got like the curve? Yeah, no, I mean, it's a nice tush. But usually, I like the mannequins that are clearly Hispanic. And they just have like fat asses. This girl just has a very nice figure. If you can't see it, get barcelogold.com right now.

Barcelogold.com slash KFC. Sign up. Get it. And it's... I mean, get barcelogold.com right now. barcelogold.com slash KFC. Sign up. And it's, I mean, look at his tits. No shirt's ever going on that man. Actually, why don't we do this? Why don't we make it like Major League? Remember when they took a piece off? Why don't we dress her up in something,

and we'll have a goal to strive for, and we'll peel it off every now and then. I mean, we kind of revealed the surprise already. Showing his tits. But look, as a guy who's looked back at them four times, you're going to want to see them again. You're going to want to see them again. Get gold.

Also get gold. Well, get gold because now there's something to see. Like there actually is. We've got a TV behind us, so we'll be referencing pictures, videos, highlights. We've got, I don't know, about 10 shows on either side of us that if you want to send something into the to the show uh that you want displayed do that it's got to be good you can send me a piece of shit we're not going to put it up there but you know we got these custom sneakers we got

some uh fan artwork from my guy brian malloy uh so if you if you do if you make art or you just got something cool to you know donate to the cause or you want to see one of your things up here on the KSU radio walls, send it in and you'll watch the studio grow. Also on gold this month for my one thing I learned from my cartoon, I think it's the one

people have been waiting for. The one. It is the New Orleans story. Very apropos considering you just got back from New Orleans what, 12 years later? 13 years? Yeah, yes. I think 11. I think it was 19.

11 to 12. So time is a flat circle. Did you have a cuckold threesome with butt sex and maybe a little bit of poop? It was a different experience in New Orleans this time. I went down with my girlfriend. I asked the question again. Did you have a Taco 3? It was fun.

You know what? I don't know the thing that was the craziest part of the weekend that happened. It didn't even happen in New Orleans. It happened in New York. My girlfriend came down Thursday. It's so weird you have a girlfriend. She's so steadfast and does not listen. We believe that 100%. do her girlfriends listen yeah uh i don't think so i don't know i don't know i've never really i've never gotten in trouble for anything i said so

i don't maybe she just keeps it i guess that's all that matters you know because i'm thinking most girls be like all right like i don't listen but it's like i'm she even has me muted on everything also what a woman yeah what a woman. Yeah. What a woman. I love it. But even that is like, you know, curiosity kills the cat. Eventually chicks are going to want to look. We'll see. It's been a while.

Yeah, no, it really hasn't. I was about to say, well, you're still in the honeymoon phase. But like it really hasn't. So I think if you're in the clear, you're in the clear. I almost feel weird. Like just even every now and then mentioning her like making a joke about your girlfriend i'm like am i what is i don't know what to say i don't know crazy don't i mean obviously a very different experience for me uh back to new orleans what

happened in new york no it was new york so she came down thursday night she trained out thursday night and then we flew out together friday afternoon and uh friday i i think that my clean my um my laundry lady oh wait okay wait i didn't know we were getting into this story just to set that scene me john gets to the office i was wrapping up recording with clem i was like kind of like all right what are we going to talk about you got your new orleans trip game of thrones and then john drops in this like oh and also when i was like well let's rearrange the whole show like that's what we're leading with tell the tell the people what's going on john i think my cleaning my laundry lady is obsessed with me and is trying to sabotage my relationship

now she is she's like probably 65 70 i thought she was gonna be somewhat young like i thought it was going to be somewhat young. I thought it was going to be somewhat even possible. No, no, no, no. She's much older. She's an Asian lady. Oh, my God. Her name is Cece.

Her Asian accent is so profound that I'm pretty sure she's a racist. And she's doing a bit. Oh, hi, Ralph. I walk in like, hi, Don and like she gets so excited to see me all the time and she's the best i like her a lot cc she's so nice that like she's like she fucks up my laundry wait when you say you mean like the washing full yeah okay okay got it got it and uh let me do some dry cleaning too right but it's not at first you had said cleaning lady it's not someone who comes to your No no no Oh so she's dropping like

Thongs in there and shit Right so You could sabotage someone All through their laundry So it's happened Twice Where one time I texted

My girlfriend a picture I'm like did you leave these here She was like those aren't mine And I was like Now again she's pretty cool So like I think You probably

Very quickly explained That it was no big deal But when you sent your girl A picture of a thong that is not hers. Were you even sweating for a second or were you just like, no, I was like, I was like, this is my laundry. I know I didn't do anything. You're so genuinely honest. He's like, no, no, no, no. Come on.

And then and then it happened again with like she put like a small shirt in my laundry. And that's almost she was like, who's this? I have no idea. I don't know. She found it. Yeah. I was like, I don't a small shirt in my lingerie. That's almost worse. She was like, whose is this? I was like, I have no idea. I don't know whose clothes. Yeah. I was like, I don't know whose clothes that is. It was like a belly shirt too. Oh, yeah.

I was like, I don't know whose. It was a slutty shirt. I was like, I don't know whose that is. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. That's like, I'm not even sorry. That's just, I don't know where that came from. Cece put it in there.

So then it really came to a head. When I go in Friday morning, we'd gone out. She had to pick up some things at Duane Reade, like travel stuff. And then the laundry lady is near there. So we went kind of just in one trip. Went from Duane Reade, went over to pick up my laundry. And we get in there. CeCe hits me with the, hi, Don.

And this must be Caitlyn. I'm like, CeCe, don't even know a Caitlyn. Who just takes a flying guess at a girl's name? And by the way, had you mentioned her name to her? Never. Like you're chatting with Cece? Like, oh, so then me and blah, blah, blah went here and went there. Never mentioned anything to anyone ever.

She just takes a guess. This must be Caitlyn. Who the hell just guesses at a person's name like what are you talking about cc i've never said the word caitlyn to you ever i don't know any caitlyn's i don't even i don't even think of your wife or your ex-wife as caitlyn because it's like yeah it's i i think of caitlyn in my head as a k-a-t-e-l-y-n right it's like a whole different name you were just felt it was so i never think of it like i didn't think of hers i was head as a K-A-T-E-L-I-N. Right, it's like a whole different name. And yours is spelled differently, so I never think of it. Like, I didn't even think of hers.

So I was like, I get out, and I addressed it immediately. I get out, I pick up my laundry. I get out, I'm like, what the hell did she call you? She's like, Caitlin. I was like, why would she call you Caitlin? That doesn't make any, and I was starting to get worked up. And she's like, it's fine, relax. I'm like, no, it's bullshit.

Why would you just guess at your name? That could really. Yeah, but now it almost starts to look like you're being defensive. You know what I mean? I was trying to balance that in my head. Right, right, right. The whole day. Don't get too mad.

It was like, see, you could have ruined my whole fucking weekend. Oh, absolutely. Dude, if you were with an even mildly crazy girl, you don't even have to be crazy, crazy girl to get upset about that. Like, all right, there's thongs, there's shirts, and there's a girl named Caitlyn. Like, where there's smoke, there's fire. That could have derailed the whole trip.

I mean, it could have sabotaged the relationship. That could have ruined everything. Who just takes a flying guess at a name? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. I mean, she is racist. She's got you confused with another white guy. There's another white guy

who's married to Caitlyn. That is very funny. It's a delicate balance to make sure you establish there's nothing going on here, but then not look like I'm trying to show you there's nothing going on here. It was. And then she was like,

you're really screwing yourself here by telling me all this because you could have just used that. And I was like, well, I'd rather in the future you could just use that. If you actually had underwear somewhere. I'd rather just share some laughs with you right now rather than plan to cheat five years down the road.

I'm not really going to be future conniving to be a piece of shit. This will be useful when I fuck a girl named Caitlyn Yeah that's a green light Like I'm just going to go smash a chick named Caitlyn And walk around the bar what's your name what's your name Okay you let's go come home with me Caitlyn

I got a free pass because I CC the Asian laundromat girl Pay off the DJ What song are you requesting no no I just want you to make an announcement Anyone named Caitlyn Caitlyn come to the front of the bar Alright what do we got today What song are you requesting? No, no. I just wanted to make an announcement. Anyone named Caitlyn. Caitlyn, come to the front of the bar. All right. What do we got today?

We got Sam Morrell on the show. Very funny comedian. Very funny on social media. And Taylor Schilling, who, I mean, very apropos of the conversation. I mean, I feel like John could have walked out of there with her on his arm. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there was fireworks. Really? Oh, yeah. You remember that? It was fine. There was for sure fireworks. Everybody and people were listening in the control room. Everybody had something to say about it.

Really? Oh, yeah. Caitlin's going to be upset. You were very, you know what it was? And girls always love this. You were very interested in her. You were asking her questions and interested in finding out her answer. You were listening to her answers. Girls get wet over that shit.

Basically, what you're saying is interview women. Yep, pretty much. That's what it takes. She's the girl from Orange is the New Black, Fordham girl. We had a lot of fun with her. She didn't know what she was getting into. And we just did our usual thing and we're fucking around with her she she didn't know what she was getting into and uh we just did our usual thing and we're fucking around with her and she was just laughing her head off like what the fuck

is going on here uh so a couple good interviews for you at the back end uh but first we'll get into our voicemails uh and also if you want to talk a little thrones we can do that brought to you by post mates i uh i was post matesing two so last night we watched Game of Thrones at the Game of Thrones hotel. Yeah, what the hell was that? I'll tell you about it in a second. So we all went to a hotel, and I was heading in, and I was timing my Postmates order to arrive. I texted the group. I said, do you guys want McDonald's?

I was going to have myself a Sunday. I was going to get a Big Mac extra value meal. I was was gonna get an extra double cheeseburger fries the whole nine everybody else was like oh fuck yeah join in have my postmates already and the mcdonald's like stopped fucking they were like we're not we're not accepting orders right now and postmates it was it wasn't a postmates thing it was the mcdonald's thing and it it crushed my soul and i realized how just how reliant i've become upon self postmates i i have no regrets for that no i did this i did the same thing with the plan like i was mapping out like my cab home from the airport all right 20 minutes 22 minutes from now by the way i took a cab home from the airport last night i tried for the first time ever to do like the pickup like uber what do you mean the pickup like you know like

they like they pick up spots now like you can for yellow cabs no no like for an uber like if you get an uber at an airport it's like passenger pickup oh yeah yeah that's been that's been that way for a while yeah yeah but it's my first time ever trying okay i had to cancel the uber and walk out i i can't do it why i i felt like i was the only this is some deep shit here just so I let you know. I felt like I was the only alive flower in a garden. Like it was – there were like 100 people around me and everyone was just – The only living flower in a garden. It was like eerie.

Everyone was just staring at their phone and just like watching it on a map. Yeah. Waiting for their car to get there. Yeah, I mean we're all zombies now. And it was like – I was like look around like no one was looking up if it felt like almost like i don't even know like a scene in the movie where like everyone's acting and they're like yeah it's true show shit right yeah i was like what is going i had to well i mean it's my uber and you're talking last night yeah this is sunday night people obviously coming back from the weekend like much like you just had

no one's in a good frame of mind. You got the Sunday Scaries on $100,000 trillion. It was so eerie. It was really, really creepy. So you just canceled it, and then what? I went and waited in line in the taxi. I mean, that's ridiculous. So you stood in line with a bunch of the fucking same zombies

looking at their phones? It wasn't the same because people weren't waiting for a card. People weren't just staring at maps. I was just standing in line. I wasn't interacting with people, but, like, there were people interacting. It was. You are a complete asshole. Yeah, it was very bomb.

I hated it. I hated it so much. I hated it. I love Postmates, though. Yep. My Postmate, Neil, hooked it up on Saturday night. Neil. Jabron was Friday night.

That's a great name. Jabron. I love my Postmates name. Before that was Sham. Before that was Friday night. That's a great name. Jabron? I love my Postmates name. Before that was Sham. Before that was Sharden. I mean, it's a prerequisite. If you're going to work for Postmates, you have to have a fire fucking name. You get that text that they're almost here.

It's amazing. What's also amazing is the promo code KFC right now will get you $100 off your delivery charges. That means free delivery charge for the next seven days or up to $100, which if you're doing breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you're going to get yourself a buttload of money. $100 off now. Promo code KFC. Get anything you want delivered. Food, booze, groceries, whatever, within the hour.

Guaranteed. Postmates, KFC, $100 off. We went, so the Refinery Hotel. Actually, I should stop saying it because I think I want to go back. I don't want people to book it the Refinery Hotel, actually, I should stop saying it because I think I want to go back. I don't want people to book it. Refinery Hotel has had the Game of Thrones suite for the entire eighth season.

Every Sunday you can go, and nobody's booking it. I thought, I was surprised by that. I thought there would be like Game of Thrones hardcore nerds doing it. I think it's pretty expensive. It's like 800 bucks. So if you're a normal person,

that's a little silly. But for us, it was like, yeah, fucking charge it to the game. So go to this suite it's got two tvs so i watched on the bed what it's like kind of like exactly like this i watched that tv on the bed there was a couch and everybody watched the other tv sitting down there was uh banners of all the houses who went to just to throw me yeah me uh yeah my brother and mikey plus the four people on um riggs clem myself, and Ellie. Did anyone sleep there? Clem did.

Clem daddy, he's here in the office today. So he's like, no fucking way. I'm going back north of the wall and then turning right around. So he stayed. He probably soaked in that whole night. They had the banners on the wall, like House Stark, House Lannister. They had fake candles and a candelabra set up. And they had a prefixed menu where it came with two free meals and the meals were like pork shank and ribeye steak like fucking you know medieval shit

bottles of wine uh like it was kind of like a like an open not open bar but it's just like a full package you know what i mean you show up and uh it was great it was it was much better than watching the office for sure watching the office i Office. I can't do anything in The Office anymore. Although we'll see. So here, is there a place that we could do that? Maybe where the rundown is? There's a bunch of TVs just out. The one good thing about the old office was there was a bullpen area to watch things.

It was like, we're all going to sit right here in the middle where the rundown is, turn the chairs around, and there's the TVs. Right now, if you were to do a game watch, it would be off-center of the main room. Maybe at the bar? Yeah, the bar. The bar's not done yet. We have a horseshoe-shaped bar. That's going to be cool.

We should just have a real bartender work there 24-7 so you can walk in and be like... Somebody said a bartender slash therapist. They should be a licensed therapist and also serve beer. Oh, that would be great. If you watch Bachelor in Paradise, there's a bartender who just serves them, gets them fucked up, and needles them and has them talking and shit.

So that becomes a character. We should do that. There's got to be some bar... It would be better in LA where everyone who's a bartender also thinks they're an actor. But if you think you have any sort of comedic chops and you can make drinks i would apply to be the bar my favorite uh part of gq magazine the uh bartender's page which is like someone yeah killing that sends those questions i forget the bartender's name but

i mean bartenders are the most wise people bartenders and barbers are the most wise people oh i don't know about barbers. You don't think so? I just don't. I don't talk to Erica. I talk to Erica. She's my therapist. I never really talk to people before Erica.

She drops knowledge on me. I think guy bartenders, it's funny. It's fun. It's like busting balls. Well, I'm talking about black people. White people do this. But you go to the barbershop

as a black guy and it's like everyone's clowning on each other. But Erica is like, I'm like, I text, she's like one of my best friends. She's like a best friend clowning on each other. But Erica is like, I'm like, I text. She's like one of my best friends. It's like a best friend slash mom sort of thing.

I like Game of Thrones. I feel like you didn't. I liked it. I thought it was fine. I thought it was like, I thought it was way, way better than it has been. And I think it's probably the best episode in the past two seasons. It was good. I mean, season seven didn't have much that stood out as far as

episode greatness to me. Oh, I don't know. I like a lot of them. When they go get the white, I like the finale. Well, I guess it's just so sour to me now that I know that that storyline doesn't matter anymore. But yeah, I guess when they assembled those

seven guys and went north of the wall. It was a good episode. It wasn't, you know, I'm not like, whoa, but I'm not like it was terrible either. In comparison, I was definitely like, whoa. I was very happy to have it back last night. I was very happy to not be. There were a lot of problems with it.

Well, I mean, two things. One, I think when it's all said and done, I think the story of Game of Thrones is going to be, we know how hard it is to wrap up a series. Like every TV show goes through this, but nobody has gone through it in the height, the peak, the prime of the social media era where like everything is going to get ripped to pieces. Like I saw someone, I think it might've been a commenter even said, Walter White killed

20 Nazis with a fucking robot gun in the back seat of a car. Like that wasn't the most realistic or whatever there were a lot of people who were like why like once once you heard one shot you just duck yeah but i but i also think that they you know in that show they always did science right they always had these tricks that walter white came up with because he was a smart man that was like the running theme so yeah they went a little far with it but you could explain it away a little bit some of the game of thrones shit is just kind of lazy like i mean the the the dragons the dragon getting killed i thought was awesome so i'm willing to look past the fact that it's like how the fuck did you let

this dragon get killed by a fleet of boats when you're flying in the sky yeah yeah like you you know i i took that more to mean uh you know they have now outfitted everything with those monster crossbows and so that to me was the thing not necessarily like an ambush it was like oh shit we have the weapon capability to kill them but they did ambush them from the ocean yeah like that's fucking impossible everything but the three shots of the dragon and the one kill shot through the neck was so cool visually that i was like all right you, there's some problems here. But overall, I'm just going to say, oh, shit, rather than be like, wow. But they also that that scene also bothered me because it was one.

They did the cutaway again, which is what they're obsessed with now. Whether they cut away there, just like the whole battle. Like, here he just jumps off. It's like, OK, never mind. Oh, yeah. But they did shows. I mean, they showed those boats getting fucking. They showed one boat getting ripped up. But we can't complain because I also say I don't like 45 minutes of battle.

So, like, I got the point. There was some cool visuals. The boat was splintering and exploding. Tyrion kind of running and the camera following him. That's all I need. I get it. I get the vibe, you know? But I don't think they didn't explain, like, how do you capture Missandei?

That was stupid. I thought she was going to be dead when Grey Worm was, like, on the beach, like Missandei. But then they just do the classic. That was like a soap opera she was going to be dead when Grey Worm was on the beach like Miss Andy. But then they just do the classic. That was like a soap opera where they cut to Cersei. She walks the hallway and the camera reveals Miss Andy. But that I'm also not going to nitpick too because when you are wrapping up a series and one that's very complicated with a lot of characters, some things are like, did we need to see that?

That wasn't my major issue with the cutaways. My major issue with the other two, the, the, the, the John and John and Sansa and Aria. And then also what was the other one? Aria,

like pitching Tyrion, telling, telling that to Tyrion. They basically cut out all of the conversations, the most important conversations in the show, John being the rifle air, which we, we know,

but also that might be why they did it. That might be why they did it. That's probably why they did it. But I want to see how Arya and Sansa react to learning that he's a Targaryen. Especially, they did that whole conversation already with them being like, we don't trust her. It's like, well, I'm actually one of them. Like, there's a lot that could have unfolded in that conversation from basically boring families.

It's like hugely emotional scenes to find out what you thought your what your brother your whole life isn't your brother and is actually the king of the world right right right i want to see what that's like yeah and and like you know maybe they people keep saying well maybe they'll show that or maybe they'll go back to that it's like well they didn't in in real time so that's annoying yeah but overall i just thought getting tyrian and varis together, like watching their conversations and like kind of giving the overall, like they, you know, they're kind of like the, they see everything really.

Like Varys kind of knows everything's going on. Getting Cersei back in the mix is fucking huge. That was great. But the more I think about it, the more problems I have with it too. Because that scene was, it was good with Tyrion, you know, kind of appealing to her, the little human side.

The little human side that's left. Right. But the, like, him announcing that he knows about the kid. I get Euron's probably just an idiot. But Euron should be like, wait, I just got back. Right. How does he know that you have a kid? Absolutely. 100%.

And maybe that'll be a thing. I mean, maybe that could be. He might be like, what the fuck's going on? Because Euron is, like, the type who would be like, all right, well, fuck you too then, you know? Yeah. I think what's cool is like, I thought the Bronn scene was awesome and Bronn is capable of like anything. I thought, I think Jamie is, you know, basically pretending to go be a bad guy again. But I do think there's a part of him that does feel like that crazy connection to like the girl that's bad for you.

I think a lot of people are kind of up in the air right now. Also, why wouldn't Cersei just light them up? That was my, that also. I mean a lot of people are kind of up in the air right now. Also, why wouldn't seriously just light them up? That was my, that also, like, like what is, what is Danny? Danny's proven to not be a great military mind,

but what is she doing? Rolling up to fucking King's ending with a basketball team. Yeah, that was crazy. I think my, my two explanations for that would be one, uh, three,

I guess one, it's a TV show and we have to like, we can, you know, I don't know. We, we have to have some like dialogue between the bad guys. guys it's like why doesn't the bad guy just shoot you right in the head why does he always let the bet you know give enough time for you have to do it two i think uh i think there's some notion of rules of engagement in like war and shit like that

cersei doesn't follow those but like but then three she did mention kind of like uh i think she wants to when she sits still have like real political power like she mentioned uh like let them have to come through and kill all these innocent people because then they'll look like terrible you know what i mean so at least there was one at least one sentence in my mind of her worrying about her political image and reputation. So I don't know. Maybe it's like if you just slaughter everybody, every other ruler or whoever that you ever meet. Yeah, but I think it's different when you're engaging in war, basically.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, she blew up the fucking set. She doesn't give a shit about these things. So that, to me, is just another plot hole. But overall, I thought it moved in such a good direction and got back to good action, not pointless action, and a lot of cool backstabbing, a lot of cool conversations. Brienne getting that dick. I didn't know that.

Are we never going to see Tormund again? Is he really gone? I don't know. It seemed like Bronn's gone. It seemed like we said kind of weird goodbyes to a fair amount of characters. It did feel that way. I could see Tormund not really like, he's not necessary, but he is a fan favorite.

So I think he might pop back up. I could see maybe. I didn't realize that they were just helping with the Night King. Yeah, basically. I mean, I guess when you really break it down, that's what it's about. They don't want to talk about who's king. Yeah, right. They're just like, we live amongst the trees and the fucking woods, and that's fucking it.

But the big talk of this episode is the goddamn Starbucks cup, which I guess was funny. Yes. Do you care about it? No, I certainly don't care. If you're really upset by this, you're an asshole. People who are like, they're lazy. Shut the fuck up. You want to talk about lazy? The writing's bad like the night king was lazy these cersei bottles that the night the writing

don't tell me about the fucking writing is crazy bad the writing is that's that shit is lazy not like and you do someone slipping a cup has even read the script yeah see that's don't tell me these things because that makes me really upset yeah Yeah. He didn't even read the script season eight. He hasn't really helped. I was reading an article on Vox, I think. No, nothing. He hasn't really been involved since season four or five. You know what?

Somebody tweeted me. He doesn't even go to the premieres anymore. This is the best example I've ever heard. This is asking a cover band to write original music. Yeah. We're not that good. We're good at copying his shit and putting it and making it come to life can't write our own songs that's exactly what's going on yeah that's true i mean if like you know he's upset if he's like i'm not even a part of this i'm not even reading i mean maybe that's that's you know i'd be that's almost like a breakup in a way where it's

like fuck you i want no part of you but i'm not gonna like slander you publicly you know what i mean like so i'll let you go make your show i want no part of this, but I'm not going to slander you publicly. You know what I mean? So I'll let you go make your show. I want no part of this. I'm not going to sabotage you. I won't tell everyone. These guys suck, but don't even call me. He picks up Emmys. That's it.

Doesn't go to premieres. He just goes. Just rolls up with that little hat. Put it in the trunk. The other 30,000 I've won. But the cup is. And by the way, some people are like, oh, it's symbolic of how much, how lazy they've gotten and how much it's deteriorated. There was a dude in jeans in episode one, season one.

It was an extra walking around. He had fucking Wrangler jeans on. So they did it back then. They did it in the most recent episode. So get out of here. I wonder how this shit happens. Well, I am getting a little bit woke because it does seem impossible that it would get through every single line of defense.

Oh, you think this is a, cause they're, cause they're definitely out of money. Like the, the Thrones doesn't. And that's, that's why everybody's got a price,

bro. They're wrapping it up because they like George R. Martin himself said, like we can do a lot more seasons and then they're wrapping it up because it's such an expensive show and they've, they've gotten everyone they're going to get. Yeah. Right?

Right. If you did three more seasons, the fans you pick up along that way, the HBO subscribers, are not going to offset. You might pick up 1% more fans. Not even, probably. And you've got to keep paying people big bucks and doing $20 million battles. Might as well. It's just not feasible. Yeah.

And that's why they have to do so many ad deals now. They have the Oreos and the sneakers and the fucking AT&T hotels. They have so many like. Revenue streams, basically. Yeah. Like different forms of revenue streams. If Starbucks came along and wanted to cut that check, like, hey, you know, we'll pay basically like everybody's fees, everybody's salaries for this fucking episode. You know, like Darren Nove's fees, everybody's salaries for this fucking episode.

You know? Like, I mean, Darren Revelle had a funny tweet. You see, it was Bart Simpson writing on the chalkboard. You know, like, that's what he said. He said, I will not tweet about the value of the Starbucks cup. I will not tweet about the value of the Starbucks cup because it's through the fucking roof. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody knows it's specifically Starbucks. It wasn't just a cup.

I mean, I don't know i i'm woke to either the fact that like it could just straight up be like product placement this is like a it's like a superbowl's commercial worth of exposure basically uh more and that or it's like they did it on purpose for either for this just like viral marketing like everyone's seen this scene now whether or not you watch the episode like maybe you're getting hooked in or it's like a joke or something like it's a fucking prank or some producer was like, I bet you I can sneak something

in or whatever. Who do you think feels the worst about it? Worst about it? I think about this all the time. Like, I'm such an idiot. Yeah, it's right in front of me. I mean, there's so many lines of defense to get through that it's like, come on, you're telling me this wasn't a thing? Like, Emilia Clarke was looking right at this fucking cup, you know?

Yeah, I mean, I can tell you everything on this table right now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even like I was thinking like, I sat down, I was like, well, should we have like Poland Spring on it? They didn't pay for anything. We're on camera now. I started thinking about it. It's not fucking Game of Thrones. But I always think about like, if there's a quick

on a football broadcast, if the camera like they cut to the wrong camera or something for like two seconds and they cut back, if there's a quick on a football broadcast if the camera like they cut to the wrong camera or something for like two seconds and they cut back that there's probably some producer who's like fire fired like fuck what have we done and it's like guys it was like one second don't worry this really doesn't affect the show at all but i'm sure there is a head of scenery or some shit who's like i'm gonna kill myself i'm gonna absolutely kill myself because they pride themselves on like we recreated this world so uh realistically it's all so real and like nope you put a fucking i i thought of that as like a posting the unedited version like i'm sure that

that was cgi out somewhere and they took oh oh you sent that so that i was thinking that too like what if you got the perfect everything thinking that too like what if you got the perfect everything else was perfect like what if that was i can't remember exactly what was happening but maybe everything else really clicked and they were like oh fuck the best scene that we have the best take we have has this stupid cup i think that was taken out pretty good scene it was amelia clark realizing that like that john was i still think you could cgi it out if you right so so they wanted to keep that one specifically rather than just redo it. All right, we'll CGI it out because that one's good.

And then the wrong cut somehow gets sent. Interesting. And the guy who ends up posting it to HBO doesn't go through it again. He probably should. He probably will next time. That would make it much more believable. Because if I said to you, like, all right, we took that out of the podcast, right? And you're like, yeah, yeah, we're good.

So someone did check. Don't worry. We fixed it. And then we just posted the wrong reason. No, but that's never happened. I mean, you know. I would never let that happen. That episode leaked in Germany.

And, like, you know, these things happen, I guess. But all in all, I'm happy. It's good enough to be, like, back in my mind. I just did a blog about it, too. I don't know what Kit Harington did to the writers. That tiny little man. It's crazy. I did not know what Kit Harington did to the writers. That tiny little man. It's crazy. I did not know that Kit Harington was short until this season.

I really didn't because I thought – I think I knew like two years ago, but it was a reveal. I mean, yeah. I'm not – yeah. It was like they did a good job of hiding that. There was not many scenes where you're like, oh my god, Brienne is like 10 feet taller than him. But this season, even if you didn't know it, you know now. Now that we've had back-to-back episodes

where, first of all, I mean, the most obvious one is just that they took an entire prophecy, seven years of build-up, and just told Kit to shove it up his fucking ass. They were like, oh, the prince who was promised? That's who you think you know. Arya's killing him. Right. That's like you're gonna get a quarterback and it's like, nah, man, I'm gonna put you on the bench.

You're not even fighting a walker. We're gonna make you look like a fucking asshole who fights dragons by yelling at them. That's what you're doing this episode. He even joked. I mean, he's like, I was pissed. He's like, I thought I was going to be the hero. I would have bet thousands and thousands of dollars if I was killing the Night King.

And he kind of did the thing. He's like, it's good. It has reasoning for all Arya's assassin skills. Yeah, they were to kill all the fucking people she's killed. Right. You were supposed to kill the Night King. There was already reasons for her assassin skills. Absolutely.

And she might kill Cersei. There are other people to kill in the future, too. The Night King was Jon's guy. Right. Now he's totally useless, Jon. They just took it out of his hands. He's such a dummy, too. And now, like you said, they hid it well.

You can't go ten minutes anymore in Game of Thrones without people talking about how little John is. Tiny little man. Yeah, you're lighter than two fleas fucking. Like, oh, yeah, what was your ex-husband like? Taller. Taller, taller man. What are you talking about? Leave the guy alone.

I mean, we're four episodes in with like three major short jokes. At least. He may be little. Like nugging him and shit like that. Dude, this is supposed to be like he's the king of the world. John's going to get a fucking swirl in episode five. It's crazy what a little dork they've turned him into. But also, one more thing for this episode.

The outcrying from, I guess, feminists, which is whatever. But one for Brianne. People are upset that the writers turned Brianne into a weeping woman over a man. But you get fucked for the first time. Yeah. Hormones running around. I mean, that stereotype exists for a reason, too. It's like that shit happens.

I mean, that guy, Jamie, was trying to sneak out in the middle of the night. If Brianne didn't wake up, he was happily just going to be gone sometimes guys hit it and quit it bro i mean she's been clearly had something for a while there i i think that she found love and they're gonna be fucking bouncing love hurts man like i mean the other feminist by the way why don't we just be like haria and she you know she she told the guy to fuck off it It was a fair balance. If you're going to start talking about TV shows that don't represent women well, Game of Thrones ain't the one.

This show is largely feminist. Although there was a weird line where Sansa was happy she's been raped. Yeah, but I got her point. She was just like, I'm not a little bitch anymore. But yeah, I mean the main showdown is female versus female with a third female kind of like maybe being smarter than both of them.

And also a fourth female who killed death. Yeah. This ain't the fucking episode. This ain't the show to come at for women. And then the other one was Miss Sandy. People upset that they killed a woman of color. And granted, there are a few people of color on the show. But the people like I saw a tweet, you know, it was a tweet from a woman being like, I cried. It's so painful to see like you not be represented or whatever.

And I get the representation was low. But that's a different argument. If you want to say there should be more black actors on Game of Thrones, fine. But I think Miss Andy being in that position as such an important character that like basically she's going to launch a thousand ships here. That's like an honor. Yeah. I think they did her well. I thought Dracarys was an awesome fucking final last word.

Like she got her head chopped off. You see what Miss Andy tweeted last night? Yeah. A.K.A. Burn the bitch. Yeah. That was great. Awesome.

But that was great. I mean like thousands upon thousands. All the ones. Of white people have been killed. So many white people are dead. If you want to have a different conversation about the lack of people of color, that's fine. But to be like, oh, they killed the black person. Well, they killed a lot of fucking white people.

You're still winning that battle. A lot of white people have been killed. Voicemails today brought to you by Burrow. We got this new office. We got to outfit it with all sorts of furniture. We only exclusively use Burrow couches. We got one in the office here. Like I said, when we do watch games or we do watch

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slash kfc So burrow.com. That's huge. Yeah, burrow.com slash KFC. What's up, KFC? Spice. First time, long time, all that. So I got a question for you guys. I have my friend group, you know, five of us, very normal friend group. And four out of five of us are in long-term relationships. Two of us are engaged, well, not me, but I have a long-term job for myself.

And, you know, whenever we hang out hang out you know sometimes it's boys sometimes it's you know all the significant others too and the girls have you know gone off on their own and made their own group chat and my question to you guys is do i have to stop this like should the should the girls be allowed to, like, congregate like that? Because it could get real messy if any of us break up. Like, you know, and how do I say anything if I have to say something? So, you know, let me know what I should do. So this guy, I mean, I get what he's kind of saying. Women convening and teaming up is always, can be very dangerous.

I think, I disagree. But I think it's a good thing. You get to hang out with the boys. The worst thing is the total opposite of this, when your girl doesn't have anybody and she tags along. Or there's just nobody. This is the best case scenario. This is kind of like what I was saying earlier,

where it's like, I'm not planning for something in the future. I don't want to keep that in my bag. Plan our eventual demise. Yes, it might be a problem i'd be like yeah you guys are all friends awesome we can go on vacation together right go hang out together makes it actually very convenient when you go on a double date it's like yeah you girls talk like we'll have an eye on the game or whatever you know what i mean if it were up to me and i would rather you presented me the option would you rather have your girlfriend not get along with your friend's girlfriends or your girlfriend be like best friends with them?

No brainer. Take best friends. No brainer. But I mean, I do understand that that can present some other issues. What other issues? I mean, like stupid thing. I think you can get like ganged up on almost. You know what I mean? Like I think if I would worry

about, you know, let's say one of your friends is cheating or doing something that's, like, shitty for the other girl. And it's like if your girlfriend doesn't even care about that girl, it's like whatever. You know what I mean? Like I actually saw an episode of New Girl where the other guy is cheating. Yeah. And, like, the new girl – I don't even know anybody's name. Joey.

Yeah. Zoe G. Chanel. She was, like, mad at her boyfriend because she's best friends with her. It just becomes, like, an incestuous thing where it's, like, everybody's got emotions for everybody now when it should kind of be everybody else's business. Yeah. When you all become, like, one big family, it's, like, relationships should kind of just stay in in just that relationship i just think you get like a little bit like messy potentially but not worth like blow this up this guy sounds like he's actually gonna break up with this girl that's my advice to you on this

voicemail break up with your girlfriend because you don't like her that much i i i think yeah i think that's a very strange call also i mean whether or not you like it you can't do anything about no so you might as well make the best of it. You're not allowed to see her. Girls, you guys can't be friends. Break this up? That's just going to make things way worse for you. But if you think girls

are listening to guys in 2019 like that, you're wrong. If I'm going to tell you who you can and cannot go out with, yeah, okay. Good luck with that one, bud. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Tommy John. john the most important thing you put on every morning is your underwear it's not the outerwear it's not the nice shirts or the fancy pants it's the underwear on the inside because you see when you have a comfortable pair of underwear on you walk around with the confidence like you're worth a million bucks you look good you feel good you play good so you put on a pair

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That's TommyJohn.com slash KFC for 20% off. Hey, KFC, Fight, BC, first time, long time. Got a quick question for you. If you could upgrade one organ or one body part, how would you do it, and what organ or body part would it be? One body part or organ? I mean, obviously, there's going to be a lot of people out there who upgrade their dick.

I think that's pretty fucking short-sighted if you use this magical genie who can upgrade your body in any way for a better penis. I think that's silly. Unless you're trying to be like a porn star. If you want to be in porn, fine. Yeah. But other than that,

like my dick is, is fine. What are you up to? Um, I, yeah, I don't, I don't care about my dick either.

I, well now, so your dick plays such a small factor. It's like 0.01% of your life. You know what I mean? There's very little time spent. It's very high quality moments, but not quantity of moments.

Um, so I get the, I, you know, I wish that, moments. So I get the, you know, I wish, you know, I wish I could upgrade two body parts

because then in that case I would probably do my dick. Maybe not even though. Probably like four or five body parts I'd start talking about my dick. I don't know if that's top 10. I don't think my dick is top 10.

But then my next, all right, so my dick's out. Because also it's, if you could do this at birth, that's one thing because then I think maybe you go dick

because you live with the confidence. So much of your thing. Because then I think maybe you go dick because you live so much of your life. I'm a big swinging dick. It's like Jonah Hill losing weight. You're still a fat guy at heart. If I have to set my fingers and have a big dick, I still got a tiny pecker brain. Right, exactly. I've lived 30 years with this. That's not going to change.

Also, if you did just get one, it's like girls get new tits and they're like plotting them out if i just all of a sudden had a dick it would be like gray sweatpants no fucking i'd be in biker shorts every day you know what i mean like look at this thing i'd be an asshole everyone hate me uh the next question i actually don't even if you could do it at birth i don't think i would do it because like if i was this this dick dude, I'm not here. That would be funny. Yeah. I mean, you might be like a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

That sucks. You got to get into work early for those. Fuck that. That's true. Big dicks lead to nothing but problems. Girls, like, falling over themselves for you. Like, you get girls who are, like, sprung on you and want to be with you all the time. You probably want to show it off, so you text it to bad people.

Oh, absolutely. Your dick's all over the place. It should not be there. got girls like brianne crying over you like please stay you got that dick now big dick disaster but would you go uh superficial like i mean you could you could upgrade your brain and be fucking incredibly smart right my first one was or would you just be like you know i want abs like i want like torso to be hot can i just do upper body does that count brain is brain was definitely gotta be the one right yeah brain was up there uh i mean i think brain is your no-brainer you could you could maybe argue that like if i could snap my finger and just make my arm incredible that i could like pitch or something like that like could you could

you upgrade anything enough to the point that you could really benefit from it like life like career wise or money wise that's a good but still your brain you know i mean i'll go big brain james this shit give me my brain i'll go on jeopardy and make 10 million dollars you know uh but there's got to be a better you know all right so you're smart there's plenty of smart people who just like they don't live this incredible life of luxury you know it's like yeah what are you gonna do with how how much can we upgrade our brain? Is there like a gimmicky upgrade? You had really good fucking hearing. What did you say?

Hands maybe. Those hands suck. My hands are tough. I've been getting called out recently because I do like a half hand pocket thing. People are like, why does your head always in your pocket? Because you can't see my fucking thing. Because I'm hiding my sausage. That's why.

But that would just be for peace of mind. But that goes a long way too too if I could just snap my fingers and get rid of my fucking fat love handles I'd be a happier person the uh I get what was your one

maybe I'll change my vocal cords I could sing oh that's a good one hearing was a good one because I can't hear for shit yeah I can't hear at the bar

by bar hearing is zero I went out with a girl who like she was just talking like a normal conversation like this but across the table I was like I don't know I was just talking like a normal conversation like this but across a table I was like

I don't know I was like how am I gonna get through this date I got nothing I don't even have to be in a bar anymore I'll be at my desk

and like I don't sit next to guys anymore but guys used to just talk I'm like dude I can't hear nothing we're five feet away I can't hear a fucking

thing you're saying it's really bad that would be convenient for sure and it's only gonna get worse bro I mean you know i don't know about your dad your dad's pretty like young and like fucking superhero my dad like he can't although he he says he can't hear anything he just sits there and he hears everything and then when it's too late you're yelling he very strategically ignores ignores you then yeah sometimes when you're just

like dad dad dad dad dad if he's if he's like wait wait wait i can't answer right like to be able to ignore people later exactly like right now i do want to talk to you but down the road when i don't want to i have to plant that seed the foundation uh that's an interesting question though get out of the side kfc radio what would you upgrade one body part or organ liver i could probably just use a new one of those i'd liver was a liver was a very because they didn't say organ yeah right so that's a good one yeah i need a replacement one of those pop in a new liver maybe a heart i think just i think i got a heart probably i'm that's just due to lack of cardiovascular exercise upgrade that ass have

the pop the pop in that ass i yeah yeah would you i'd like an ass would you yeah mine's a pain in the ass you're a fat ass it's a it's a disaster you don't know you don't flaunt it like yp though so i never really notice it with you no i mean well first of all i don't have a yps i have much less ass than that but like finding i feel like a chick i'm like these pants are never gonna fit like they're not gonna get over my hips uh yp i yeah i would never put never put on the quilted joggers and fucking flaunt that thing. I can fix my nipples, maybe. My nipples pop sometimes.

I think I was in a video with Nate and Clem recently, and I was like, my nipples just got to get under control. What are you doing, dude? Who the fuck do you think you are? Get inside that shirt and relax. What are you, Jennifer Aniston? Shut up. Yeah up yeah really shut up about the always maybe i would just your skin's an organ right isn't it like the biggest organ on your body technically yeah i just want tan skin i'm sick of being translucent oh you want that olive give me that fucking guinea skin

while i do these ads all right uh that's it for voicemails today let's get into these interviews. First interview is Taylor Schilling. It's brought to you by SimpliSafe, the best way to keep your family and your belongings and your home safe is SimpliSafe. We had this story from Steve. He said, the other week, my family and I had a bit of a scare.

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KFC Radio featuring Taylor Schilling. She's live in the building. Very nice jacket. I like your whole look right now. Thank you so much. Looking fly. It's very puffy. Yeah, I feel like that's, that's in, right? Yeah.

A puff, a bit of puffiness. Is it because the biceps have been working them out? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 6am promo, you're out here grinding for the new movie family. It's because I like it so much. I'm happy to What was the research like with a juggalo? Was there a lot of research in juggalo life? I'm playing this woman who doesn't

really have any idea what juggalos are. Who they are. Like a normal human. I was able to utilize my own experience. That's good. But then by the time in the shooting of the movie,

I did come to learn a fair amount about Juggalos and ICP. Are Juggalos considered, I think there was at least a time the FBI was considered. Are they considered a gang? I think that they were

on the FBI's watch list for a while, but I don't believe so. You may be tempted to join the Juggalo life at all. Maybe. Maybe you fell in love with it a little bit. Like, you know what? I kind of get down with this.

There was a part of me that was like, these people accept me. Maybe I should just call it here. Well, speaking of accepting you, in the movie you have a line that is very, it hits home a lot and it's not one that should. But it's when you say I hate myself, but I have a feeling of superiority over everybody?

I think I'm better than everybody. It's like, I feel like I, yeah, something like that. Like, I feel like I Yes, what is it? What would you say to two, two young men? The girl, the girl says, uh, well, yeah, like life's tough when you're a teenager, but then you grow up and you, you're in like a much better place. Right.

And you say, no, I pretty much hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everybody. Yeah. Essentially. Yes. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm like, well, I mean, there's sort of, that's like a very kind of human condition. Don't you think? Absolutely. That sense of like, I, I can't stand myself. think absolutely that sense of like i i can't stand myself i know that i suck but still i know i know i suck but maybe i suck a little less than yeah pretty much i love myself i don't necessarily like myself i don't right right i know that i suck but i still am choosing to do things differently than you for a reason right but

i still i'm gonna hold myself superior and above you. It's difficult. That lack of humility is something that we all deal with. Right? And I don't think I want to deal with it. It's easier than not. Do you feel like it's helping you in your life? Do you feel that way?

Look where I am. Do you think it's helping? It looks like it's working, Taylor. But this hat screams it, doesn't it? I mean, you're doing something right. Maybe if I put a hat on, I'm better than you. I'm here. I'm excited to be here. That's true. I don't know, you're doing something right. Maybe if I put a hat on, I'm better than you. I'm here. I'm excited to be here.

That's true. I don't know why you're stupid to our level, but thank you. But I want to hear about this. Do you feel like you experience that in your own, like, that sense of sort of, it's very, it's very, I think it's a rather universal experience. But it's so, like, paradoxical. If you really admit that, like, yeah, I don't like myself and I do things the wrong way, but if I was pressed by

somebody i'd be like fuck you i'm so better than you that's weird it makes no sense i know i we don't make any sense it's a real dialectic i guess it's like you're being honest with yourself but to others if they were to press you you put up the wall like well yeah i think so right it's like not letting down there it's like that metallic sort of guard up you know and also it's like not letting down there. It's like that metallic sort of guard up, you know? And also it's like I am not going to let you see how soft and hard up I am in here. I'm going to keep the walls up, keep the ruse going. That's kind of what we talk about that very often on this podcast. But it's easy for us to talk about it here because podcasting is weird because you, I don't know if you have any experience. I'd say you're a couple of levels above podcast. A couple wrong is above

No, I want to start a podcast which I do. Do you think so? It's fun because you can be honest and you can say stuff like that and we always talk about it where it's just like no one's, do you think about that with movies too? Do you think like, no one's going to see this I can be honest, I can dive into the character. Every movie I make

and they usually end up happening that way Every movie I make I'm like this end up happening that way. No, I'm just saying. Every movie I make, I'm like, this will just be fun, like a cool experiment. And usually it just is. Nobody ever sees it. It was just for me to play with. Well, whatever. I mean, when you did Orange is the New Black, a jillion people watched. Yes. So, like,

I get here. But then that started to feel like less of an experiment. That started to feel more like something that you were doing for people. Interesting. Does that take away from the enjoyment of it? Do you lose yourself in it? This is for someone else. I have to change how I'm presenting it? I don't think changing how

I presented it. When you do something for that long, the context changes. The idea that people are seeing it inherently becomes a part of the process. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, no, I do. It's like peas in pea soup. You can't take it out of the actual doing of the thing. Whereas like when you just make a movie or a podcast and you're like, well, here goes nothing. I'm going to like give it a shot. Yeah, the ongoing. But when you know you're doing something for someone else. I make it a point to never like read reviews or comments of stuff we do because

I'm always just being me because and like there's nothing I can change it's it's I'm just being honest and I'm I can't change myself to try and make like like this person offers a criticism I'm like well if I do it differently I'll make that person happy and then you really lose like your whole performance yeah if if you are aware that more people are watching are you trying to please them rather than you know season one where you didn't know what was going to happen are you just being Piper as you see it and that was the hit but then as people offer criticisms you're like oh maybe I'll change a little bit here and then

you can kind of lose it. You know I think that you can I mean I think that self consciousness is a real thing I do that less and I don't think I don't know if I do that a lot in my work in terms of like what other people what I imagine other people are thinking of me. Well, maybe a little bit.

Like I think that fear comes in. It certainly comes in a lot in my personal life. Really? Yeah, for sure. Just like kind of like what do you think? It's a lot harder for me in real life situations to be like, you know what I mean? I'll be like, who are you? What are you thinking of me?

Well, friends, dating, everything like you're worried about how they perceive you. Yeah. That feels a little bit more like tender to me. I think everyone always says they're anti-conformist or at least they like to pretend they are,

but really we're all, no one is. Everyone. We're all like, we're all human beings. So we're all like, like innately we're biologicallyologically programmed to go with the flock. So everybody's like, how do I fit?

Let me be a part of the herd. Let me stay in the center so I'm not eaten by the tiger. I'll be right in the middle. Thank you. Keep me in the middle. I don't need to be at the front of the pack. I'm good here. I think I try.

I mean, but that notion of like really, I think it's a valid way to live your life. I mean, I think it's a valid search. It's a journey to say like how am I honestly being myself in all situations. And that comes into huge play in this movie. Yes, it certainly does. That's I think one of the reasons I loved it so much. Yeah. You do seem like you're very passionate about it.

So it is interesting. Yeah. I mean, I really, really like how it turned out. It felt like it was, you know, I'm really proud of the woman who wrote it and directed it. It was a really, like, I feel like it's a good group all around. Do you find you enjoy doing movies more or TV shows or something like that where you can kind of continuously tell the story? Like, when you're done with the movie, you're done. With Orange and the Black, you never really know you're done, right?

Yeah, yeah, right, right, right, right, right. I think that there's something really fun about knowing there's a beginning, middle, and an end. It's kind of like what you're talking about. You can just sort of go like full out. Right, right, right. You have it all out there, yeah. Yeah, you just know what's going on.

Whereas it's sort of like when you don't quite know where you're going or how where you've been is going to relate to the next turn in the road. It's a little bit more soft putting it. But like, I think some of the most brilliant TV work is when people can utilize that and say, you know, you don't know what's going to happen next in life. So, like Lost. So just like Lost. Thank you. I mean, Orange is the New Black was such a smash hit kind of out of nowhere, I feel like. I feel like one of the first bingeable type of hits. I think it was. Was it like the one?

I think it was. It was House of Cards. It was several years ago now. Yeah, right, right, right. It was like shooting just with, I think we were shooting, House of Cards was shooting their first season, so they happened together. So you were kind of ahead of... A trailblazer.

A trailblazer. A pioneer woman. We've been talking about it a lot with... Do you watch Game of Thrones? What do you watch? Do you watch TV? Like I don't listen to podcasts. Not really.

Do you not? No. No. You know what? I started to listen to podcasts. Not really. Do you not? No. No. You know what? I started to listen to a podcast and I don't remember what it is. It's a good one. It's fantastic. Hopefully not this one.

She's like, oh shit, actually I was listening to you guys the other day. You were so not memorable. I don't remember the name. I watched, okay, so I like Killing Eve. I thought that was great. I watched all of that. I'm watching The Act with Patricia Arquette. That show on Hulu.

Fran and Ria were telling me about that. They love it. It's so good. They were yelling at me to watch it. Yes, it's really incredible. And I feel like there was something else. Oh, the other one with Patricia Arquette. Escape from...

Denimora. Denimora, yeah. I have a bone to pick with Hulu because they've come into the binge world, but they don't give a binging yet. Like I haven't started the – Fran and Ria were telling me about it in episode three. I'm like, well, I don't want to binge episode three and then have to start following week to week. Oh, they're doing the week to week. Yeah, Hulu does like the week to week. What do you like, the bingeable or the week to week?

I mean I never really am able to sit down and binge, so it doesn't really bother me. We were talking about it with Game of Thrones because we're thinking that it might be the last great week-to-week phenomenon. Because by the time we hit another cultural phenomenon type show, binging is just going to be the norm. Yeah, I think it may be the end of an era, Game of Thrones. People have said that it's the end of the recap. Did you feel like that was something you didn't get on Orange is the New Black where it wasn't just a week-to-week recap? That kind of, like, I guess it adds something to a show, no doubt, when you have an expert

breaking it down for you. Yeah. But I've gone the opposite way. When Netflix first came out, when it first dropped them like that, I was like, oh, I love the recaps. And I've gone the total opposite way now. Really? Like you were saying, the act. You don't want to watch it.

You can watch them all. I want to do the full season. Then I'll go back and read people who have written about it week to week. It's like anything where you just get so addicted to it. I know. I kind of like the notion that it's available to all watch. For example, the act, I was i mean i guess this

is to your point i was so interested in it that i watched up until it was right and i was like oh i can't get the next one but that very rarely i guess that kind of rarely happens for me i don't i don't know if i watched that much tv it's okay you're very apologetic about that. TV used to be such a thing where it was like, you're saying it like I say, I don't read books. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't read a lot of books. I feel like, but I do like, you know, I gosh, there are things like I started watching Sopranos.

I'd never seen it. Me either. Which it's so worth watching. Yeah? Yeah. I started watching Sopranos I'd never seen it which it's so worth watching I started it I don't like it so I'm out on it everyone hates me for it the Sopranos and The Wire people just bark at me so much about it

I'm like fuck you I'm not watching it I feel that way about The Wire a little bit to be honest I feel like I got barked at about The Wire. When people tell you, actually, it's what we started this whole show talking about. When people repeatedly tell you, this is great and you're an idiot if you don't like it. Yeah. I instinctively say, you can go to hell.

Right. I'm not going to like that just to spite you. Right. I do things exclusively out of spite. I'm getting that. Are you picking up that vibe? Because we're just letting it off for a second. I think that there's a lot.

I mean, there's something to that. Yeah, I think it's normal. There's something to it. I think that we like until, you know, I think at some point in all of our lives, there's this, you know, like there's an evening out. But I also think that there's something to as you're discovering yourself. It's like extremes. It's good. extremes it's good i think for a while that many people in who act or you know famous people i think you probably have something like that where because i'm sure you were told countless times throughout your life that you can't do it that you oh yes so you do things out of spite you

became famous out of spite yes well i don't know, I just, I feel like my entire life is based on out of spite. Despite you, I will do my job. I mean, there's kind of, there's kind of a truth to that. Sort of. Of saying like there are blinders on. And I think I get, I got a lot of juice out of, I do get a lot of juice out of, you're not going to stop me. It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you think.

Or is the new black to be as big as it was? No. I mean, nobody could have, right? I mean, no, it's kind of a. No, it's very strange. I mean, it's a weird show and it's got aggressive moments. I mean, I remember watching Crazy Eyes pee on the floor and I was like, this is fucking so weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That it's a hit with like everybody. Yeah. You know, it's a cop show or a drug show or whatever. Yeah. Like we know people like that stuff. These women all being like raw in jail, being like such a universal hit is,

I, I would have never guessed it was be as big as it is. Yeah. But maybe that's why it was so big. I think so. I think that there's something about, well, it kind of goes back to what we were talking about,

about like really being yourself, like figuring out a way to find your own voice and saying, it doesn't matter what anybody else is sort of ladling, shellacking on me. I'm going to keep doing my own thing. Do you think it being a true story helped? I think certainly in the beginning. Yeah, right. I mean, that's one of the things that it –

More? No, no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't – I mean, I think after the second season, it wasn't even close to a true story. In terms of the Piper-Chapman storyline, I think that they lifted other things out of the news. Do you think it's weird? Not weird. I guess you followed what I would consider really a more standard path where you started in TV or at least had the big break in TV and then went to movies.

Do you think it's weird that almost nowadays I feel like it works in reverse where people like actors, like major motion picture actors have gone to TV and to binging and things like that? I mean, I think it just makes sense. It's like where you go to where the story is and to where the material that is the juiciest lives, you know? And it doesn't seem like that really lives in as much as in the film world. It's just so rarefied for there to be a really good studio movie or a really good independent movie.

I was going to say, when are you going to get in that comic book? Right. I know. Call up Marvel. Pitch them a whole new superhero. Be like, I'm like Captain Spite. My superpower is I find people who don't like me and I spitefully kill them.

And I prove them wrong. It wouldn't be bad. There's something to that. You're a Fordham girl? Did you go to the Manhattan campus? No, I went to the Lincoln Center campus. Yeah, and I did all the artsy stuff. Yeah, that made sense. There's no way. I went to the Bronx.

I was like, there's no way. No, I wasn't in the Bronx. I was like rehearsing plays and stuff. Did you graduate? I was such a dork. Yeah, I did. I went to graduate school also. I went to a theater. Because there's a lot of Fordham alum that were at, like Denzel went there, but he didn't

really go there. Didn't he really go there? I don't think he, was he one of the ones who did? I thought he was like there for a cup of coffee. I think he actually went, I mean, I feel like he was there for a cup of coffee. I think he actually went. I heard him once talk. He came by. He came to the theater department and talked to us.

As did Marsha Clark. No, not Marsha Clark. Oh my god, we just talked to Marsha Clark. She was the best. Was she amazing? She was awesome. She was maybe my favorite guest ever. Please, watch yourself

wait till I leave the room give me a second she is so charming so funny I can't believe she lost the case she could walk in the room but he didn't

yes he did I'm obsessed with the OJ stuff so I was like this is incredible but she's now moved on to like TV, books, entertainment

so she's is she like hosting things right now she's producing the entertainment. So she's, is she hosting things right now? Uh, she, she's producing. The reason she was talking to us is she produced a new show about, um, stop me.

If you've heard this, it's a star athlete who, um, murders his wife and her friend. So I don't know if Marsha Clark, I don't know where she got that one from, but she was telling, she was to our faces.

This is how convincing you is to our faces. She's like, no, it has nothing to do with me. Okay. Her name's Maya in the show. And to do with me. And I was like, okay. Her name's Maya in the show. And it's an athlete who kills the wife and the friend. She's like, it's an original idea.

Fuck out of here, Marsha Clark. Yeah, she was awesome. Is she in it? She's just producing it. No, yeah, she's producing it. In fact, she didn't even write it. I'm not sure really what. I guess it was her friend called her up and said, I have this idea. She's producing it.

She's doing the promo tour, basically. And she totally hooked up with Christopher Darden. But she didn't even try to hide that. We asked her and she said, can we talk about something else? But she said it like laughing. She's like, can we? Because we talked about Serial and Adnan Syed before that. She's like, can we just talk about Adnan instead?

I know what that means. Okay, Marsha. Marsha. Well, Okay, Marsha. Marsha. Well, good for Marsha. But that's not at all who I was talking about. I was saying that Marsha Gay Harden came to speak to us at Fordham University. I just want to be clear that Marsha Clark did not. We just wanted this Marsha Clark tangent for no reason, apparently.

But I really appreciated it. I mean, if you ever get a chance, I'm sure Marsha K. Harden is great too. But if you ever get a chance to talk to Marsha Clark, you make sure you do it, girl. What is college like as – I mean I take it you did not have a traditional college experience if you were doing plays and stuff like that. No, no, no. I studied. I didn't really have a traditional high school experience. I was sort of like – I didn't really do that.

But by the time I decided to go to college, I auditioned for schools, and I really wanted to study theater, and I did. But when I say traditional college experience, I don't necessarily mean studying. I mean you mean like partying and stuff? Lincoln Center campus? I'm a fucking loser. But it was like a different – we saw a lot of plays and like – it was a whole different – it was like a different We like saw a lot of plays And like It was a whole different It was like a downtown scene Like we would try to sneak into places

And we all had fake IDs and go to fancy places It was like a little The difference is stark It wasn't like In the Bronx it's like beer pong Beer pong in the dorms We're in the hood at grimy bars and we're like, I'm just thinking about the Lincoln Center

campus living in midtown Manhattan. I gotta get up to do a performance tomorrow. I hope I don't get mugged tonight. Bed is still the only... Yeah, you're right. This is the only club I know from Sex and the Dream. I don't even remember the names of those places.

This is the only club. When I got mugged in the Bronx, I remember being like, fuck Lincoln Center kids. I don't even have to worry about this shit. Why did you go there? Why did you end up there? I don't know. I didn't really have any other options. Did you grow up here?

Huh? Did you grow up in New York? Yes. Yes. I was born in the Bronx. He was my brother. He went before me. And then.

You know, my father went to Lincoln Center. He went to Fordham in the Bronx. He isn't my brother. He went before me and then you know, my father went to Lincoln Center. He went to Fordham in the Bronx. Rose Hill? Yeah. Yeah, Rose Hill. That's terrible. You shouldn't go. I know. I think I like went and visited and had some sort of a heat stroke or something. Truly. I think I fainted. What? That's not your own fault. It has nothing to do with the

Bronx. Yeah, no, that was my own sensitive flower like constitution. I think I went up there and I fainted. Now you're an LA girl? No. I live in Brooklyn. Oh shit. I just assumed.

We shoot the shoe here. I don't live in Brooklyn anymore. But I have for the past three years. I've never left New York. Where is your home right now? A hotel. You don you go home to? It's a hotel. Oh, really?

So you don't even have like a permanent spot? No, I don't. I have a place in LA that I'm staying and then a place upstate that I'm staying. I'm like a very, I'm very much in a moment of transition. Interesting. Moment of transition then. Do you like living in a hotel? Because we were just talking earlier how awesome it is when people make your bed.

How like, I imagine that's really like all I need in life is someone to make my bed. You can have that anywhere you go. False. What? I mean, you could have that. Like, if that was something that you really valued and you were like, listen, I'm going to allocate for me to feel good in the world. I want someone to make my bed.

You can be like, listen, I am going to. Pay a bed maker? You just, I don't know. Like, cut back in other places. I'm sure. That would be, I think that would be an interesting project. How much would you pay, by the way? How much would I pay?

100 bucks a day? Whoa! That's a fucking ton of money, John. $700 a week? For someone to come in and make your bed? That was crazy. You can't afford that. No, I can't afford it.

You really, really like a maid bed. That's what I assume it costs. Three grand a month, John. I figured, look. That was an outlandish number. I said it's important. It's about $100 a day importance. That's all your expendable income.

You want to go out tonight? Can't. I've got my bed made every day for a month. All right. So we play this game. It's your birthday booze crew. Do you go out? Do you drink?

Do you party? What do you do? Not anymore. Yeah, you were a Lincoln Center kid. You were born on July 17th, is it? 27th. 27th. So you go through all the other famous birthdays.

Yeah. Celebrity birthdays that share the same day as you. And you pick your four people you'd like to go out on the town with. Wait, are you going to tell me who else was born on my birthday? Yeah, you wouldn't have to know. That would be great. Yeah, that would be wild. Wait, wait.

I'm so excited to know who else was born on my birthday. Okay, you actually have a star-studded crew. Oh my gosh. Tell me. I don't know. First of all, I actually have to bring up, who did you piss off at famouspeoplebirthdays.com? Because you are like, there in front of you is a woman named Pam Stepney. She is a YouTube vlogger with 7,000 subscribers.

She likes talking about how delicious lobsters are. I was looking through it. I was like, maybe Wikipedia has her birthday wrong. There are like 20 people you are way, way more famous than that. Is there a whole YouTube thing about lobsters?

I've got to show you a picture of her. It is. Fames. More famous than you. Orange is the new who? What? No, I don't know. Who the hell is Oliver Lanning?

He's ahead of you. He's a baby. He's a baby. She's like, fuck this baby. Who are any of these? Who's that guy? How do you even say his last name? That would be a corpse.

He's dead. He's not even human. This guy. Bethany Grieve. Des Bryant's girlfriend. I'll tell you what. If you need a fight to motivate you, celebritieswithbirthdays.com. There you go.

There she is. My next film. But we have Alex Rodriguez. Oh, wow. Who is now, I think he's J-Lo's fiance. They just got engaged, right? One of the best baseball players ever, but J-Lo's fiance. Triple H, who's a wrestler.

I don't know who that is. I believe he's actually the CEO of WWE. He's awesome. Maya Rudolph. Yay, Maya. Nikolai Koster-W of WWE. He's awesome. Maya Rudolph. Yay! Maya. Nikolai Kosterwaldo. Who's that?

Who's that? Jamie Lannister from Game of Thrones. Oh. He's a good looking guy. He was the first person we ever interviewed. And I told him to fuck himself to his face. But I did it in like a nice way. I was like, you're so attractive.

You're so good at acting. He's very charitable. I was like, I bet you play the guitar or something like that too. And he's like, you're so attractive. You're so good at acting. He's very charitable. I was like, I bet you play the guitar or something like that, too. And he's like, actually, the piano. I was like, alright, fine. Let's see. Jonathan Rhys-Myers. Who's that? He's a very pretty, famous

actor. He was in Match Point, which is a great movie. I think it's the only thing he's ever done. I feel like he was in a vampire thing, too. He looks like a vampire guy he does look like a vampire guy he might just look like a vampire we'd be confused alright fair fair fair

who else who else Tory Lanez who's a rapper Jordan Spieth who's a famous golfer I like need to know I need more things and Pam

and Pam's definitely I think you're it sounds like you're going with Maya and Pam that's your crew right there it's gonna be my crew ladies night let's go eat some lobster I think you're going to go out with Maya and Pam. That's your crew right there. Ladies night. Let's go eat some lobster.

Saturday Night Live and lobster. Let's go. I actually looked at her YouTube page because I was so intrigued by her. And her most viewed video was like, Pam Stepnick is caught in the Denver airport. Oh my god. She is. If you do end up going out for your birthday, maybe give us a call. We'll join the crew.

Because that's a wrecking crew right there. Holy shit. If I had to choose your crew, I would take Maya Rudolph, Nikolai Koster-Waldau. Who is he? He's Jamie Lannister in Game of Thrones. He's an important guy in Game of Thrones. He lost his hand. He lost his hand.

He lost his hand. Yeah. Yeah, I think I agree with you. I like that idea. I'd probably take Tory Lanez. Well, actually, didn't he get shot recently in a good New York club? I don't need that on my birthday. That's a whole thing.

I ruined it. You know, just someone coming in and shooting people. Pam definitely makes the list. Pam is the most famous person as far as I'm concerned. Pam makes the list. Pam is a legend. Pam's a legend. I'm going to go home and spend some time. She looks like she's having a great time as it is.

I bet you right now, I'll put a bed cleaning on it. Put $100 that Pam is from Florida. $100 bed maker. It's amazing. I would love to just send all of our listeners to her YouTube page And just have her be like, what is happening?

Like all of my views have just tripled Like what the fuck is going on? Like July 27th, you and Taylor are gonna burn it down Alright, the movie is Family Out April 19th April 19th We appreciate you coming by, thank you so much Thanks for having me Thanks a lot so much she's like i think oh my gosh all right big shout out big shout out to taylor schilling um

did she call you john you guys go on a date at all we did not maybe that's maybe that's what cc the the wash and fold guy girl she was she's got the names mixed up she heard the interview she was like this must be her obviously there's fireworks uh no that was good shit and she's uh it's funny like most of the guests we have come through here are all like comedians and or people who really are kind of cut from the same cloth live in the same world as we do when you get someone like her who's just like a professional actress who's been acting her whole life, and she lives in this whole different world. And then she comes into us. It is very fun watching them be completely out of whack.

But Sam Morrell is up next, who is exactly from our world. Very funny comedian. Crushes the social game. Every time he puts up a clip of his latest jokes, and they're very timely. He always gets them up. He's always got new material working into his act right away. We talked a little. Nick's basketball. we're both fucking tortured idiots in that department and uh stand-up comedy it's all brought to you by stitch fix summer is almost here which means it's time to get your summer wardrobe fresh you gotta be uh i mean it's t-shirt season

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So, Sam, morale, morale doesn't matter apparently. Nah. You just let people say whatever they want. My dad is like, it's morale. And I'm like, well, now you've given me an annoying task for the rest of my life. Yes, I agree. I agree. It's like I should start. Why morale. And I'm like, well, now you've given me an annoying task for the rest of my life. Yes, I agree. I agree. It's like.

I should stop. Why am I? I'm 32. Why am I still? It's like when I'm sure Colbert dealt with it. I'm going to be Colbert. And it's like, why? Why do that to yourself?

Just read it. And exactly how you say it. That's how we're going to pronounce it. Yeah. Maybe just drop it. Just be like Sam. Madonna. Just one name type of thing. I don't think Sam is unique enough. Yeah. Maybe just drop it. Just be like Sam. Madonna, just one name type of thing.

I don't think Sam is unique enough. Yeah, to be the Sam, you better be fucking big. I'm not. Remember Carlin? He used to have that bit, like these pretentious names. He's like, I got a two-word name for you, pretentious cocksucker. Yeah, so this came about pretty quickly. We've been putting out our new Answer the Internet videos.

Somebody tagged Sam saying he would be great in it. He wrote back, I would be. It's like, okay, then let's fucking go. So you set the bar pretty high, bud. You know what? That was before I was in Fort Worth, Texas all weekend, so I'm not as confident as I was. How was Fort Worth?

They fucking just hammered the whole show. All right, so I go on stage after. They do a thing called a blowjob shot before they bring me on. And I have like this new 20 minutes. I'm like, this is all social commentary. I feel pretty good about myself. They bring like a hick on stage just like with no hands, chug a shot.

And the crowd's like, whew. And I'm like, this is not for me. Yeah, no, no. I feel like we just had Segura in last week. And I feel like he said no to that. I heard him on his podcast being like, yeah, there was that spot that asked me to do the blowjob shot and he was just like, no, I'm not doing it. Yeah, I didn't know that

was an option. I didn't know you could just be like, this will not stand. I would just... I probably would not want to do that either, but if they were like, this is our thing and we do it, I'd be like... I would 1000% do it just because I don't like telling people my feelings. I'd prefer to not do this. Well, no, I'm just going to do it just because I don't like telling people my feelings.

I'd prefer to not do this. Well, no, I'm just going to do it and shut the fuck up. It was just so many classic, like I was in the middle of this vulnerable story. I was like, I'm telling this long story. I couldn't believe it was killing in Texas. And in the middle of it, I paused for a second and some guy yells out, and then he put it in the butt. And I'm like, do you have to be such a fucking Texas cliche? And then I was like, well, clearly it's one guy.

Two other people made gay heckle jokes. And I was like, alright, you guys live it up to the hype. You get five minutes of abortion jokes. And I just started fucking with them. Abortion joke. And I was like, this is what you paid for now. It didn't have to be like this. It didn't have to be.

Also, fucking, you know, evolution is real, guys. What other stupid shit do you guys believe in? I wasn't trying to stir like this. Yeah. It didn't have to be. Also, fucking, you know, evolution is real, guys. What other stupid shit do you guys believe in? I wasn't trying to stir the pot that hard. I wasn't, you know. We just all showed up one day. That's what I believe. Just appeared.

You're a New York guy through and through? Yeah. Yeah. Huge Knicks fan. Yeah, I saw that. I want Zion. More than anything in the world. I mean, I'd be happy with Mor Yeah, I saw that. I want Zion. More than anything in the world. I mean, I'd be happy with Morant, but the plan is to get Zion and Durant,

and then you get Kyrie at point guard. That's my plan. I mean, yeah. That's a good plan. Well, yeah. You're a Knicks fan, right? Yeah, I mean, that's the plan. That's not what's going to happen.

What do you think is going to happen? None of that. Really? Yeah. Why would you think that all of a sudden everything would go well for the Knicks? I don't know, man. Bill Simmons sounded like 100% sold on Durant. Simmons is weirdly pro-Knicks.

Yeah. I think it's like there's Barkley and then there's Simmons. Yeah. He wants to kind of be on the other side of it, sort of. Well, I mean, look. Porzingis gets these rape allegations. Usually you'd be a Knick for the allegations. So, I mean, that's, remember when they, remember when Isaiah Thomas got those pre me too, he

got the allegations and, and they just moved him to the Liberty, which is the one, like, Oh, you're being accused of like issues with women. Go coach our WNBA team. Can't write that shit. That's insane. They're actually really lucky that that went down exactly when it did. Cause if it happened in this era, like he's still, he's very lucky now. Right. All right. Him and James Dolan. They're actually really lucky that that went down exactly when it did. Because if it happened in this era, he's very lucky. Him and James Dolan, they're fucking.

Something's going on there. It is wild that he is still always lurking, always has a job, always being considered. Every time there's a job opening, a head coach opening, he's like, well, Isaiah's still in the mix. Why? I know. Why? He's actually the worst to ever do what he did. head coach opening he's like well Isaiah's still in the mix why I know why he's actually the worst to ever do what he did

I remember like that was probably the darkest it's weird to say that that was the darkest but it just felt like there was no hope it was it was the darkest

remember when Marbury was like I got so much dirt on this guy I'm like this has never happened before it's also like by the way let it out please give us the fucking dirt

Steph come on what a disappointment. A New Yorker coming to the Knicks, and then it happened with Melo, too. Although he was kind of like a fake New Yorker. Yeah, he was born here for like 25 seconds, you know? But Marbury was like a New York guy. I remember being like, the prodigal son returns,

like, let's go, a starberry's here. I love the trip. And then he was eating Vaseline and it was just a disaster. That was the weird, that's, I've seen so many weird videos on the internet, like really deranged stuff. That's up there. That's the worst video I've ever seen. And it's still, it's kind of like, it's a lot like the Rodman effect where like, you're

just like, oh yeah, okay. Like if someone else were to do that, there was just a video of another athlete eating globs of Vaseline, it would be a huge deal. Instead it's just like, remember that time? Well, Rodman at least was an amazing player. Like, for all the shit Rodman gets now, you're like, well, he was one of the best ever. Ever. Hall of Famer.

Yeah. Hall of Fame defender. He was in here. We talked to him probably, what, a month ago? Yeah. Wow. Lunatic. Lived up to the hype.

Didn't he, was he married to Carmen Electra? Oh, yeah. That was like inner prime. That was. You know he broke his dick three times? What? Yeah. How does that happen?

Well, let me tell you. First time, it was a casual, like I think, you know, slipped out and just kind of like. Second time, he sat down, opened his legs up. She ran across the room and jumped. And, you know, didn't get it in. Exactly how you think you would break your dick is how he broke his dick. And he said just like blood spews everywhere

and that the girls all freak out and he's like like in his voice too, he's just like, no, don't worry about it. It'll be good in five minutes to work. He's like Black Elvis kind of. Oh yeah. Big time. That's a great way to put it. He really, I mean, you have two runs like that with the Pistons and the Bulls.

Crazy. Championship rings coming out of his ass. We asked him, I asked him, I was like, how do you think the Bulls would deal with social media nowadays? And he just went in talking about how he fucked a guy's wife. Not even just a guy's wife, a lot of wives. Didn't even pretend to answer the question. A lot of fans. He wanted to talk about how he fucked someone's wife.

Fans of Dennis Rodman. Can you imagine if your wife just fucked Rodman? Because you're like, oh, so I have nothing to offer you. Like, you went that direction? The guy went up to them and said, like, will you please go fuck my wife? I said to him, Dennis, you're literally the last person on earth I want to fuck my wife. The last one. It is.

Although the only good thing is you're like, if your wife fucks someone kind of like you, you're like, well, she might want to leave me. With the Rodman thing, at least it's like, well, she just wants to try that. She got that out of her system. There's a spin zone for you. To marry Rodman? Can you imagine to put up with that? You got a special girl.

Or guy. Or I don't know. Carmen Electra was like singled out days. She was smoking. Yeah, he had a run there that was underappreciated. Because it was like Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra. With Jenny McCarthy you have to pretend she's funny probably.

That's got to be rough. Carmen's just here like look at my giant fake tits. They're amazing. She was so hot. She was part of that era where the biggest fakest tits possible were the look. Yeah, the Brianna Banks. That kind of style? Did I miss a memo?

Like, I don't appreciate these plastic surgeons making them look natural. All right? Like, do less because I want these things to be a fucking joke. Okay? I need like a two-lane highway between your tits. I want them separate. I want them big, plastic, the whole nine, man. It depends.

Obviously, the natural look can look great but there's certain people if it matches your personality yeah it's pretty hot yes the hair if you have like the bleach blonde hair with like the black streaks in it yeah walking around like basically in a stripper dress all day long like if you're that type of type of girl give me the fake ones i went i went to uh i was just in minneapolis and i it's so weird i was staying in a hotel across the street from the strip club i went to like years ago and I only remembered it because I just had a breakup and I was like, I'll be a cliche. I'll go to a strip club.

And I never really do that. So I go there and every girl is like 22 and has a horrible personality. All of them are like, I can't. I'm sorry. You're just the worst. I had to leave. I thought about doing that.

You had to leave? Yeah, I can't enjoy myself. They're all like, hey there, mister. And I'm like, this is not how a person talks. You know, I couldn't get into it. I thought about enjoy myself. They're all like, hey there, mister. And I'm like, this is not how a person talks. I couldn't get into it. I thought about doing that in this past year, just being the self-pity wallowing guy at the strip club. Never did it, though.

Never did it. But I thought about doing it. Probably would have done it if I'm just always nervous about a stoolie recognizing us there and then being like, wow, yeah, this guy's really down in the dumps. He's just sitting there in a strip club by himself. But I thought about it. How would you work at Barstool if people know you like women? Holy shit.

What a horrible... I feel like they'd be okay with that. No, no, it would just be... Just embarrassing? Yeah, yeah. They would, like, snipe a picture of me and it would be like, look at this fucking guy. That's the thing, you can't take a camera.

I know, I know. I feel like I shouldn't have known that that quickly, but I did. I've tried. You can't do it. One time I was in Milwaukee and I guess I'm already telling two strip club stories. I never do this. A strip club in Milwaukee is a move.

It was. It was not the move, but I went there. I took my phone. I remember the match was like, put it away. I'm not going to take a picture believe me I don't want to remember any of this you know but uh yeah it's not

it's weird I don't like them but you get like as a guy you get peer pressure you know the comic Sheng Wang no

he used to have this great he's such a funny comic he used to have this great bit about like why do we go on bachelor parties it's like oh you found someone

you're going to spend the rest of your life with let's go dehumanize some bitches such a funny guy it's true you know uh Sprewell oh, you found someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with? Let's go dehumanize some bitches. Such a funny guy. It's true. You know, Sprewell is a bouncer out in Milwaukee.

Dude, I have a crazy Sprewell story in Milwaukee. Latrell Sprewell is just like at a pretty popular... He's the bouncer? Dude, I met Sprewell in Milwaukee years ago. He just crushes Milwaukee. Dude, he's like the Kenny Powers in Milwaukee. It's upsetting because I see him there and he's like the Kenny Powers in Milwaukee. It's upsetting. Because I see him there, and he's... So I do a show. I'm wearing a Knicks sweatshirt, and this girl was in the show.

It's like, you know, Sprewell hangs at that bar every night. I'm like, not every night. She said, every night. So we go there, and he's not there, and I'm bummed. So then I see him just coming. He's got red hair now. Oh, wow. I was like, that's fucking Sprewell.

So I was like, can I get him a drink? She's like, yeah, he drinks Honey Jack. I was like, of course he does. Absolutely. Honey Jack. Spree was like, I still remember game five, they lost, but he had such a great... That era of Larry Johnson, Sprewell, the tail end of Ewing,

I love that team. He was a badass. LJ was so underrated, tough. That four-point play? Probably the best moment of our generation. Which is sad because it didn't lead to anything. It was just a cool play. But it was amazing. At home, on a maybe foul. Definitely not, but we'll take it.

So Sprewell comes in, and I was like, hey, man, so I'm a huge fan. And he was just like, okay. I'm expecting something better than that. And I was wearing a Knicks sweatshirt, too. And I was like, well, can I get you a drink? He's like, I got a drink. And I was like, I was wearing a Nick sweatshirt too. And I was like, well, can I get you a drink? He's like, I got a drink. And I was like, I'm thinking of anything I can pull.

I'm like, I'm playing the comedy club down the block. If you want a comedy show. He goes, yeah, don't count on it. So that's it. And then I was like, that hurts. So that was like my childhood. Anyway.

Don't meet your heroes. I see some other guy. He works for Bleacher Report there. And he's like, I got this. And I walk over and I see Sprewell like visibly look like he's going to kick his ass.

I'm like, all right, I got to, I got to be easy. The next night, the bartender from that bar, I guess he goes there every night. She was really cool

and she was like, I heard what happened with Sprewell. Let me text him. So she's in front of me, text him, hey, the comic you met last night,

the show's actually really good. And he wrote back, yeah, I met him. Great guy. Yeah, like in Spreewell's mind he was probably perfectly polite

he didn't even realize like that's just Spree being Spree I mean you're lucky he didn't choke you out man that's how Spree rolls that is how he rolls damn

I met him years later I had like a short run sports show on MSG and he did it and he was so nice and I was like that changed I was like

thank god that happened like before I died I just need to make that right I just want to make that right. I just want to be on good terms with Spree, Oak, and LJ. And Starks, maybe. You would definitely want to be on good terms with Charles Oakley. That's for certain.

Charles Oakley, one of the all-time lines, can't be an alcoholic with wine. Wine doesn't count. Is that true? James Dolan, I think he choked out Dolan, right? Yeah, he went after him. I don't know if he got him the way we wish he got him. No, he didn't choke him out. He went after him, and when that, you know, when he got kicked out of the garden and he was kind of like.

I was at that game. Were you? I was there with the comic Michelle Wolfe, and we're sitting, like, pretty close to it, and I was like, I just see a gray-haired guy throwing punches. Yeah. That's fucking Oakley. She's like, no, she's a huge Oakley fan. She's like, she's from Hershey, fan she's like she's from Hershey Pennsylvania

so they don't they can't really be a Sixers fan you can't be a Philly sports fan you're kind of a Pittsburgh sports fan so her and one of my

best friends Joe Mackey have kind of adopted the Knicks which makes me so happy to my close friends and then bad move by them the last 15 years

brutal but I think I know you guys are I think it's gonna turn around. They have the cap space, you know? Getting rid of Tim Hardaway Jr. was huge. Yeah, but who's going to come play for James Dolan?

You're still, it's still. You'd be insane. Yeah, but look, it's still the hot ticket, and the Lakers are kind of fucked now, I think. I really do. They're definitely fucked. Yeah, but it's either New York or L.A., and Brooklyn is just not, I know they've got a better team, but Knicks have the cap space. We have some good young talent.

Knox and Robinson are pretty good, I think. Yeah, I mean. I sound like a battered wife. Everything you're saying is true. It's just like you're probably not going to get the number one pick. It's just probably not going to happen. But if we get top two, we're good. And then Durant is like.

I'm from Boston, so I just enjoy. He just sits here and laughs. Yeah, I like when New York sports fans come on. But you have... I mean, you kind of could take or leave Kyrie probably, right? Oh, actually, I don't really care for basketball. I don't dislike it, but it's the sport I follow the least, total. I don't like Kyrie.

You don't like him? Who do you want? I mean, I just... You want Kemba instead? No, because Kemba's going to be that guy that they signed like a max contract and he's just like not that good. I would take, I mean, I want Zion. Zion is the only option here for like any sort of long-term turnaround. And I don't think Durant is actually going to sign here.

I don't know why Bill Simmons is so high on it. I mean, Durant is the most thin-skinned bitch in the world. Yeah. He will be eaten alive here. That's true. No, I see. I think that because it happens in Boston, too. It's like, oh, it's tough to play in Boston.

That's just the world now. Yeah. I don't think so. Yeah, the Internet has leveled everything. It's not media isn't more difficult in one. When I saw him having problems with Oklahoma City beat writers. That's hilarious. If you can't with Oklahoma City beat writers. That's hilarious. If you can't handle OKC newspaper writers.

This writer still lives at home. He's got no pull. When fucking Mike Francesa is chewing you out, it's going to be a different story. Yeah, but also. Yeah, you're right. He's got Curry and Thompson to bail him out and Draymond. Yeah, the only way he's coming here is if they have their own agreement that everyone else is coming to. There's no way Durant's going to go from.

The New York Daily News has to be like, we won't be too mean. All right, thank you. Yeah, basically. How do you go from Golden State to here? I mean, it's the polar opposite situation. Here's how. Money. If you make the second.

I guess you're going to make your money no matter what in the NBA. But if you make the second round in New York, you're a legend. Yeah, that's true. The bar is so fucking low. If you make a four-point play, you're going to make your money no matter what but if you make the second round in New York you're a legend if you make a four point play who's a better talent wise who's a better player than Durant that we've ever had forget it no fucking comparison so I think he will be worshipped

in New York I mean dude Mello was a god here for years I'm stumped I love what the Knicks did. Did you see how they sent out their season ticket packages? And it was a picture of, I don't know who the Knicks player is, but he was lined up. It was him and Durant.

What, like playing each other? Yeah. And it was just Durant. Yeah. It was like, year 2019, season tickets now. And it's like, Kevin Durant's in the picture. Jesus Christ. He's literally in the picture.

It's like the Wolf of Wall Street sending out packages, you know? Just full of shit. It's like, Kevin Durant's in the picture. He's literally in the picture. It's like the Wolf of Wall Street sending out packages, you know, just full of shit. It's like, this could happen. You're like, yeah, it could. It's not fair. You can't just promise that. I think it's going to, I believe it's going to happen. If I had to guess. More power to you, man.

I'll never believe anything positive. Well, dude, delusion is what has kept me here the whole time. I know, that's the thing. How do you think you stay a Knicks fan? I actually, I, out of all my all my teams, I'm still delusional about the Mets and Jets and the Knicks have just broken me

to the point where I took a step back and I have the perspective where I'm like, no, no. James Dolan's the worst owner of sports. How do you stick around

with the Mets though? The Mets are another one. I'm a Yankees fan but I still kind of love the Mets in a weird way. I don't know why. Really? I don't know why.

You're able to go that direction. I feel kind of guilty because my grandfather was such a big Yankees fan that I kind of and it was when they kind of sucked that I got in. I know they were still the most winningest franchise, but my team growing up was like Mattingly, those guys. They weren't good, really.

And then they won too much. I almost felt guilty. Fuck you, man. Suck my dick. No, I know, but it this isn't fair fuck you man suck my dick no I know but it's like doesn't you know no I don't know actually

we win so much I feel guilty nope don't know but that's how it felt it was like you almost lose it's like when the Giants people are like

the Giants suck I'm like yeah we won the two best ones I'm good for life I don't give a shit that is true if the Knicks just give me one for life

I only need one oh my god also just to compete the Knicks just give me one for life I only need one oh my god also just to compete the Knicks win the title yeah if you win a lot the 90s the 90s Knicks though

to me even though they lost are my favorite team ever yeah absolutely like Oakley and Starks even just just competing I was like wow

great memories Ewing I just watched like clips of Ewing this is so sad I watch clips of Ewing like I'm looking at like videos of me

with an ex I can't get over. I look at him and I'm like, this guy was the greatest. He was so, you know, like, oh, he deserved better.

Well, you just have the built-in excuse of the 90s, like, oh, we ran into Jordan. But it's like, well,

then there was that two-year gap where he wasn't around and we fucking... Playing baseball? Yeah, it's like we lost We lost that too. Can you imagine Jordan playing baseball... All the fucking rockets stuck in there.

Jordan playing baseball is like that. Can you imagine if LeBron just left to play hockey for you? It's so weird. I mean, he got suspended. Yeah, that has to be true. He got suspended for gambling. Because otherwise it makes no sense. There's no reason you would leave.

But even still, with that caveat, with that conspiracy theory, it's still underappreciated how wild it is. I do not appreciate that being called a conspiracy theory because it's an absolute true blue habit.

So Jordan, do you think he got his dad killed too? Definitely. Definitely. You're not a degenerate gambler who just also happens to have your father

be murdered. Those two things don't just coincidentally happen. There's always a, man, that's some dark shit. If you're responsible for your dad's murder, because you were just throwing around, especially like, you know, usually those things happen because you don't pay your debts, right?

You're fucking Michael Jordan. You should have just paid up. Just write the check. Yeah. Then you're really down a lot. It's like, oh, well, I'm just sitting on this stack of like Scrooge McDuck gold coins. I mean, he's a legitimate billionaire. I mean, he wasn't at that stack of Scrooge McDuck gold coins. He's a legitimate billionaire.

He wasn't at that time. But he was doing all right. He was okay. I definitely remember having the Michael Jordan cologne. I'm like, if that guy had cologne money, that's way down the tracks. He's got the sneakers. He had the steakhouse. If you ever had the Michael Jordan cologne or you ate at the Michael Jordan steakhouse,

you realize how much fucking money that dude's got. Can you imagine like, I mean, owning a steakhouse, that's a dream. You just show up and you eat steak with a place with your name on it. That's the coolest. That's that next level type shit. But he also was like, he was like the right type of leader where like he was an asshole, but you could tell the team loved him. Kobe, I feel like as great as he was, I feel like they genuinely did not like that guy. I mean, listen to Smush Parker talk about Kobe.

Shout out to Smush. He's just like. Shout out Fordham. I actually love the Kobe. I think it was in his last year where he fought everyone at practice. And it's like a cell phone recording video of him just screaming at everybody. I love Kobe. Yeah. He's a badass. He's like a cell phone recording video of him just screaming at everybody yeah i love kobe yeah he's a badass he's like eastwood and unforgiving like how is this guy so old and still fucking people up it's awesome they asked him the other day to rank him jordan and lebron he was just like well me number one yeah you gotta say you had to say that but

like it's very funny to be like because you know he dead ass believes it's true like totally um mj's two lebron three definitely kobe bryant number one coming from kobe bry-ass believes it's true. Totally. MJ's two. LeBron three. Definitely Kobe Bryant number one. Coming from Kobe Bryant. I mean, it's probably, it's definitely, right now you've got to say it's Jordan, Kobe, LeBron, right? No. Until LeBron's done. Once he's done, you put him two, I think.

I think he's one. Do you think LeBron is one? I mean, I don't really watch basketball, but yeah. I don't watch the sport, but I have a hot take. Depending on the way you measure it. I mean, we can't go down the MJ LeBron road right now. LeBron must be hurt right now because he really looked bad. I believe that doctor when she was like, Yeah, she had to delete the answer.

Yeah, she was like, he should have been out for like six months and he was out for six weeks. I kind of believe that. I believe it 100%. But I also don't think. LeBron James isn't a human being. Right. But I also believe they would have been out for six months, and he was out for six weeks. I kind of believe that. I believe it 100%. But I also don't think— LeBron James isn't a human being. Right. But I also believe they would have been fucked either way.

But that worries me. You see LeBron getting hurt now. You're like, that never happened. I'm worried about Zion staying healthy in the NBA. Just that body. I almost think that body helps when you're that fucking—you're not frail at all. You know what I mean? I know, but when you're throwing down—but he loses any explosiveness.

He's done. He's like 6'6". He's like Barkley, man. Right. he weighs almost 300 pounds and jumps really high and he's on the 18 when you land yeah is he 18 or 19 he's 18 now I think I mean that's can you imagine how big is he gonna is he gonna still be able to jump when he's that I guess Shaq could I don't know yeah but he's a different level where he's fucking skying if you like just come down on your ankle wrong it's gonna like your foot's gonna to snap off. He's like Shaq meets Russell Westbrook.

It's wild. It's crazy. Humans are not meant to do that. One of my favorite stats is he would be the second heaviest person in the NBA right now. Only Boban is heavier. He doesn't count. He's a fucking freak. I don't know what it is. He looks like the dude in Big Fish.

I think that's part of it. Yes, he does. He's so funny. I would love to roll with Boban. He's awesome. Just go do everyday stuff with him. I think the Sixers could go to the finals, man. They're a good team, man. They don't fit, really, but they're just that good. I mean, Jimmy Butler's your third option.

Tobias Harris is kind of your fourth. Jimmy Butler's a guy I'd like to roll with, too. I'd like to roll with him and Boban together. Jimmy Butler would hate your fucking job. You think so? Yeah. Jimmy Butler hates anybody who had a house when they were young. He's like the new Sprewell kind of.

You had parents. Jimmy Butler hates you. You're too good looking to like. You're like the Colin Jost radio vibe. Whoa! No, he's got the hair. Great guest. No one in radio has this good hair. It! No, he's got the hair. Great guest. No one in radio has this good hair.

It's a waste. I like this guy. It's a waste. Gotta give me the camera more. Both of you guys have like full heads of good radio hair. This is crazy. Dude, keep going. It's fine. Keep going.

I'm going to fall silent. I mean, look, Jimmy Butler, he seems hilarious. I just like that team. Embiid is awesome. Like, we've forgotten how awesome Embiid's personality is because they have, I mean, and Tobias Harris is a killer. I mean, I'm jealous of Philly, man. They just have a badass.

Whoa. Yeah, that's, that's. I think Toronto. That's where you know things are bleak. Well, Toronto also, I think, is a badass team this year. But they're the Raptors. There are just certain teams in sports that'll just never win because, like, the Toronto Raptors will never win.

Yeah, because it's their jerseys. You can't be a purple champ. It's just not going to happen. I don't think the Sacramento Kings will ever win. That hurts. You've got to have Hasan Minhaj in here, man. That'll cripple him.

He's the only Kings fan in the world. He's the biggest Kings fan. They look at that... The Kings fans... I played Sacramento and they look at that team that almost won as like we look at the 90s Knicks. I mean, that should have happened. Because they were close. They got screwed hard. They were literally screwed.

Yeah. And Donnie came out again. He was talking about it again. He was like, yeah, by the way, we really fucked them over. Yeah, and they definitely would have won had they got through them. Peja got fucked up by Rick Fox, though. I mean, for whatever reason had they got through them. Peja got fucked up by Rick Fox, though. I mean, for whatever reason, they just shut him.

Fox was such an underrated defender. And also, you know, that series, Bibby was lights out. That team was a very fun team to root for. And Vladi Divac was hilarious. He was like Boban with more skill. Yeah, a little bit smaller, a little more finesse. Love it. I loved him, man. I was watching some of the clips you put up

of your comedy on Twitter. The one about how you never cheated on your girl in two and a half years because nobody tried to fuck you. That's my secret.

People are like, how do you do it? I'm like, this is my secret to doing it. You know when you're dating someone, she's like,

I bet a lot of girls hit on you after the show and you're like, do you want to see pictures of them? Because there's not a lot of temptation going. I say that all the time.

Like, if I was gay, we would clean up, man. The only groupies we got are guys. Look, I'm wearing a Beastie Boys shirt. I'm dressed like I'm attracting straight men. Women aren't going for this shit. We had that. Years ago, we had, like, the Blackout Tour, which is kind of like our,

like, it was like an EDM show we did. And I was on it. I would always, I was kind of like, I'd dress up as did. And I was on it. I dressed up as a mascot. I was a real fucking asshole. And people would be like, I bet you fucking smashed on that. Dude, I'm in a fucking frog costume. Someone stole my chicken head tonight.

That's how fucking you smash. I flew back yesterday. And for whatever reason, they have classics on Delta So I'm watching French Connection With Gene Hackman It is so racist The shit he's saying Like against the French

He goes He goes Hear the fucking frogs You're like Jesus Christ Just casual cop racism It's a different era man It's hard to watch

Some of those scenes You're like God damn But you know The road is like It was really And also I was in a good relationship

At that time You know Or so I thought So you know I mean road is like, it was really, and also I was in a good relationship at that time, you know, or so I thought. So, you know, I mean, obviously it wasn't that good. So you guys married? No, I am alone again. I think that's the joke. You know, Nick Griffin, he goes, you know, once you're in your 40s, you're no longer single. You're alone. Yeah, that's a great distinction.

I'm not there yet, but damn, I feel like the way, uh, I mean the, the, the bits I've seen of your act, you just,

you just, you, you just, you're still, and you just like deliver your material. It's like very, I feel like you're very like comedy based. You know what I mean?

Like even in this conversation, like you've referenced different, different acts and different jokes. Like I feel like you, I love jokes. You know, you feel like you studied it. I like even in this conversation like you've referenced different different acts and different jokes like i feel like i love jokes yeah i feel like you studied it i feel like i feel like i just kind of what i do i guess i don't know like i grew up like worshiping like david tell and greg giraldo and you know all those like new york great joke writers i love i love dangerfield that was like my guy you know as a kid i mean just the fact that he had like you ever see like back to school to me those lines are the like when they're just classic jokes i remember there's like a scene that movie where his wife the guy's like i liked your old wife better and he goes hey don't knock vanessa she gives great

headache just classic dumb jokes i love that but they're not dumb they're smart but uh yeah i just like jokes i i never was like a move around guy on stage i know some people i mean like the comics that are great at that that was never my thing i liked i like kind of like the written word i like a joke that was quotable so that was kind of we i we just wrapped up watching uh crashing we had pete holmes in here sure yeah and i feel like you watch it you know i saw a couple uh i'm curious if that's like the i definitely real deal yeah i used to hand out flyers on the street they shot at the cellar all the yeah I used to hand out flyers on the street they shot at the cellar all the time

yeah I would hand out flyers I was so bad at it you can tell by my energy I'm not like you know I would do like live comedy show and then people would come in the show

and they'd be like four people in there and I'd be like great comics on stage and then I'd show up on stage and be like this fucking guy conned us there'd be like

four people in the crowd I'd barked him in they'd be like this asshole's in the crowd would just me uh yeah so you'd hand out flyers and i was so bad at it some people like the comics were really good at it they'd like have energy and be like great show tonight but doing it in times square was humiliating i kind of preferred it because it was tourist when i was doing on the west side run to people i knew and they'd be like oh yeah that, that's tough. That's,

that's not an easy, uh, like, like everybody, anybody, you run into like somebody from high school or whatever, and you're always trying to like, it's embarrassing. Yeah.

But when you're just standing on the corner, barking out flyers, it's like, well, there's no spins on, on this one at all. Yeah. They're like,

this guy is failing. So it sucks. You know, you can't be confident. You're like, Oh, this is just what you do. They don't get none of my family got it.

You know, I'd be like blowing off family dinners for like the maui taco open mic and they'd be like well why do you do that like well if i take one night off for this and i have to take all nights you know that yeah i think once you make one excuse that it's acceptable to take it so you just could never take a night off and then uh yeah i guess crashing is definitely realistic in that sense that you gotta barf. It's not realistic how quickly he climbed the ladder. Well, that's interesting, too, though. I feel like, you know, the scenes they show in the cellar, it's like there's the haves and the have nots kind of.

There's like the cool kids table and then the guys who are just like dying to be on there. The world within like the comedy world within the comedy world is fascinating. I love it. It's like its own clique, its own high school, its own, like whatever you want to call it. It's, it's an interesting dynamic. Yeah.

There's, you know, you'll be at the table sometimes with people that are way further. I kind of don't speak to them unless they speak to me. It's really like that, huh? Well, yeah.

I mean, what am I going to be like? Chris rocks. It's that one. We're like, so Chris, what's going on lately? You know,

what a tool I would have to be to like, think he has anything, any, like I have anything to contribute to a conversation with him, you know? But then like, but I know how to bait Rock into a conversation. So I'll be like, for the Knicks. And he'll like jump in when you get, when you start talking basketball.

But yeah. I saw porn with Chris Rock. That was his, in his new tambourine. He talked about how he was addicted to porn. I saw this new porn I've been watching. Chris, you don't porn, huh? I got a password for you. You see that new girls do porn, man?

Yeah, he definitely well he would talk about it on stage I think sometimes he just drops the bits but uh you know some of those guys come in there

and you just you know luckily I was on she booked me for years and years on the late show every night and at first I'd be like

god this is like killing me but then Dave Attell would be on that show every night and I'd be like I get to hang out with Dave Attell every night Dave Attell is like the comics comic.

I mean, the amount of guys who come through here who always reference him, it's like, you know, because there are guys like Rock and Chappelle who are selling out this, that, and the other thing, but Attell is always the guy who people are like, It's every single time. Every time. He makes you care about comedy because he cares so much. I mean, he's been there every night for almost

30 years, which is crazy. Unless he's on the road, you know, he's like, he is new york comedy guys like attell and quinn are new york comedy to me i attell was really good to me starting out he would take me on the road and stuff and you learn so much he challenges you in ways that are terrifying because he gets bored on stage because he's such a savant so he'll just bring you on stage to riff with and it's like playing you know shoot around with Jordan you're just like

why am I here it's embarrassing but that's also like that's the co-sign right he's not gonna just do that with any old person I think he would really

because he gets that bored so he but yeah but then it's like Larry Bird shooting lefty yeah I gotta spice it up

that's what he does dude he would just do different punchlines he gets bored so he's because he's so natural at it. I remember we had so many weird nights together, but I remember one night after he brought me on stage,

and he killed. I don't know why. He's so down on himself, but he was driving me out, and he's like, man, I'm so bad at this. I'm such a fucking hack. And I was like, dude, we all think you're the best. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm funnier than you guys.

You're really fucking bad. But he, no, dude, he's got that new special with Jeff Ross that's on Netflix now, Bumping Mike's. It's so good. They found a great thing because there's polar opposites. I did a few of those gigs with them. And God, I remember one of the nights we like i ended up gambling all night with a tail at a casino it was like to this day one of the best

nights of my life because he just uh he's it's rare that he shows a good mood and he showed a good mood that night yeah he was on a lot of people at the table didn't know who he was and he was just zinging everyone at one point you know i'm like exhausted it's like five or six a.m and the guy's like you gotta hit you gotta hit and dave goes thanks professor and then we end up winning a ton of money both of us leave at like 7 a.m he walks outside starts smoking a cigarette i felt like we were like in some weird movie we just beat the system or something like california split two jews taking them all down did you ever see that one George Segal

and what's his name and fuck how am I he's like the Jew act Elliot Gould the Jew actor King Jew I was like Richard Kind

was just in here yeah oh my god he's top notch that guy is like very funny guy I keep running into that guy in the weirdest places

I was in Carmine's on like 90th street that Italian restaurant I just turned to my left he's pissing next to me I was like Richard Kind that's New York man Street, that Italian restaurant. I just turned to my left. He's pissy next to me. I was like, Richard Kine. That's New York, man. You can always run into a funny Jew in New York.

Oh, he's the best, man. Well, we appreciate you coming through, man. We're going to go do Answer the Internet now and subject you to weird questions about probably having sex with your own parents. We'll see what happens. Thanks, dude.