KFC Radio - Taylor Swift Stole From Us Ft. Danny Lopriore (and Kelly Keegs + Rudy)

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Taylor Swift stole Sad Boy Season (Ft. Kelly Keeps) - Feits was disinvited from Thanksgiving with his family - Feits sun-ins his hair - When is the least likely time to Sui? - Barstool’s graphic of” Best Female Singers” broke the internet - AITA - Video Voicemails ft. Rudy - Embarrassing moments - Most embarrassing thing a neighbor has heard you do - Associating names with colors 02:05:00 - Danny Lopriore (hilarious interview) - would KFC or Feits get gender reassignment surgery to save the other? - having a nervous breakdown while beating someone up in a mall - rapping - and much more ++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 Taylor Swift stole from us 19:54 - Feits was uninvited from thanksgiving 39:04 - Average sui’s/month 52:07 - Best female singers graphic 01:01:05 - Am I the Ashole 01:21:19 - Voicemails 02:05:00 - Danny Lopriore Interview ++++++++++ Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This bitch, Taylor Swift, if she thinks she's gonna roll out Sad Girl Autumn and steal Sad Boy Season from my guy, she is 100% correct. That's exactly what she's gonna do, and John's not even gonna put up a little bit of a fight over it. Couldn't be more correct. That's exactly what she's going to do and John's not even going to put up a little bit of a fight over it. Couldn't be more correct. We've talked about this before. There was a third time it's happened.

Yes. But that was always... No, one time it was... Casey Musgraves. Casey Musgraves straight up stole it. The other girl, Adele. Adele, it was like People Magazine said, Adele is goingle, it was like People Magazine said, Adele is going to enjoy Sad Girl Fall or something. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. This is straight up stealing your IP. Not only taking it, but profiting off it. Yes. Significantly more than we will. Done. Done. She's making an entire song version of it

recorded at Long Pond Studios coming out at 8 o'clock tonight. You know how she usually has? She'll be like, oh, Willow, the Elvira version or whatever. It is a Sad Girl Autumn version

of All Too Well, the most popular song that she's ever put out, probably. He's so happy. The biggest song of the moment. I'm going to have a stroke. I don't understand

how you have luck like this. I'm so fucking mad about it. What are you guys talking about luck? She's stealing his shit. No, it doesn't matter. She is, it's, you and Taylor

shared a brainwave and had the same thought. That's crazy. We're all on different pages here. Kevin's like, it's not okay that she's stealing. You brainwashed morons. I am like,

it is okay that she's stealing. Yes. Kelly's like, she came up with this on her own. Go with a lunatic here. No. Yeah, this is 100%. This is now the third pop star that has seen, you know,

we've gone from Hot Girl Summer to, like, name your girl something with a season. John has been doing Sad Boy season longer than all of this. It's definitely been perpetuated and popularized by John and by KC Radio and Barstool. There's no doubt in my mind that all these PR people see this and are like, let's just do this exact same thing with the biggest stars on the

planet. And also, by the way, they probably do an ounce of research and they go, someone goes, aren't we going to, isn't this like a copyright thing? They go, oh no, this guy doesn't care. He'll just let us get rich. This guy's always getting hit with copyright situations. He'll never do anything about it. There's a very strong chance that

Taylor Swift, when she gets either flooded with tweets or comments or whatever, or somebody in her team brings it up, she will know about sad boy season. And that is a win for you. Because at at some point it will have to be acknowledged by her maybe not publicly or anything i'm not saying that but just like somewhere behind the scenes taylor swift's gonna learn that this some idiot named john

feidelberg is doing something called sad boy season and all and we don't know what it is or why it's happening but all we know is that a whole bunch of white dudes are tagging me on every single tweet i put out about sad girl autumn it's it's truly she already knows who I am we've met we've yeah you guys she favorited your tweet remember when you made that video or someone made that video for you maybe nick I don't know taylor swift that she's well aware of who john feidelberg is she is can I say this to you can I say this to you and I wonder if you think the same thing I still think that the guilty party here is casey musgraves. She's the one that stole it because she put out those tear stickers.

She was like, sad girl fall. She said fall, right? She said sad girl fall. And then you said as a rebuttal, sad girl autumn, actually, or something as kind of a joke. And then it spiraled from there. But then once it caught steam with Adele, of course Taylor Swift was going to see it. Taylor Swift moved her entire album re-release date for adele's album coming out this friday like she is in tune with what adele is doing and if adele is mentioned in the same breath as sad girl autumn

like she it's it is now it is that season it is sad girl autumn there's nothing we can do about it taylor swift is profiting off like the term of the moment no no no there's something in the term of the moment it's not sad girl autumn it's's something you can do about it. It's not sad girl autumn. It's sad boy season. I've said it before. If you use the word autumn, you're not sad. You spend too much time on Pinterest

to be a sad person. You're a happy-go-lucky person if you're using the word autumn. Fall. Fall is dark and depressing. Autumn is basically fucking summer. Yeah, autumn.

Autumn is like the leaves are pretty and the pumpkin spice and the pumpkin picking. Fall is like dark liquor are pretty. It's romantic. And the pumpkin spice and the pumpkin picking. Fall is like dark liquor, dark bar, depression, all that shit. Fall. The fall is the fall from grace. Fall is the fall into the

gutter. Fall is the fall from fucking joy. Fall is the fall from the six feet under. The casket going from under the grass. Yes. Autumn is fucking apple picking. Fall is depression. I mean, yeah, I think that also is the vibe that Taylor's going for, though. Yes, yes. Autumn is fucking apple picking. Yeah. Fall is depression. I mean, yeah, I think that also is the vibe

that Taylor's going for, though. Like, Autumn, she wants it to be romantic. She wants us all to cry and be in our feels, but also thinking about love. Oh, my God. I once had a three-month relationship 25 years ago. Of course I got dumped by a 50-year-old guy when I was 10, and I want all you guys to cry about it and ruin his year.

Kevin. You fucking lunatics. Kevin. You lunatics. Shut your fucking mouth. You fucking lunatics. Kevin. You lunatics. Shut your fucking mouth. You goddamn lunatics. Shut your fucking mouth. I just found out that she dated him for three months.

You guys are still going on about this a decade later after dating for three months? No, no, no. That means they like fucked like once. Do not say, don't be the person that says you're still going on about it a decade later. You know what she's doing. You know why this is back up. You know that she's capitalizing on the situation. Yes.

You know that she's sticking it to him like, yeah, I didn't fucking forget even a decade later, asshole. what she's doing. You know why this is back up. You know that she's capitalizing on the situation. You know that she's sticking it to him. Like, yeah, I didn't fucking forget even a decade later, asshole. No, no, no. If she's doing this for money and shit like that and popularity, that's fine. Obviously. Yeah, so don't tell me that she wants to stick it to him. I'm saying underlying. No, no.

It's also fun. If there's any way that Taylor Swift is still hung up on a three-month relationship 10 years ago, she's a fucking loser. If she's doing this for money, fine. The fact that all you idiot fans are acting like she's still hung up or that it's a big deal, you're the idiots. No one has ever said that she's still hung up. Wait, Kevin, did you think she was actually hung up? Yes, John. That's what he's trying to say.

He's trying to spew this bullshit, and I'm so sick of everyone spewing this bullshit. She's over Jake Gyllenhaal, but as she told us in her song Better Than Revenge, there was nothing that she does better than revenge. It does not sound like she's over it at all. She's over it. This song is over. It's over. Whoa. Thank you, Jake. I didn't realize this was the end. Thank you for waking up. I'm needing help.

I thought you were mad about her still using it to make money. That I've actually... It's one or the other. Do you guys love Taylor because she's a good businesswoman? Well, no. like her still using it to make money that I've actually, well, it's one or the other. If so, so do you guys love Taylor? Cause she's a good business woman. Well,

no, no, you love her because it's like, I love her. I love her. I love Taylor. People hate her. That's why I don't even really get in these fights. I like Taylor.

I just like Taylor, but the, I do think that if you want to pick bones, I think there could be a bone to pick. I think that women be a bone to pick. I think that women never get in trouble for their platform.

They never get considered to be sicking people on people. Yeah. The fact that people are saying, Jake Gyllenhaal, you don't deserve to breathe air right now. If a guy did that to a girl, forget it. If you wanted to criticize Taylor Swift, I think a good and fair angle that I would agree with would be a 10-year relationship that you don't fucking care about,

a 10-year-old relationship that you don't fucking care about, and you have no problem sticking your dogs on a guy who just doesn't matter, and you know it's a toxic fan base. I think that's kind of fucked up. It's the same exact shit as Barstool. It's the same Barstool argument. But if you, like, Jake Gyllenhaal, don't wake up today.

That shit's fucked up. Yeah, they really gave it to him. And also, but she can't come out and just say, hey guys, stop doing that because there has to be this aura of like, she never names names, we don't know who it's about and all that bullshit. That's a perfectly fair landing place.

Yes, I'll entertain that because I, yes, I know that Swifties are crazy. Well, we got, you know, all right. Kelly Keegs over here representing for the Aryan nation. Don't even. She wants, she's happy. Whitney overdosed in the tub. Jesus Christ.

I love Whitney Houston. Doesn't sound like you did. I listened to her all night long when she, when she died. We were in my sorority house. We passed her through all night long. Probably celebrating. You shut the fuck up. I'm so sick of defending myself over this we've dealt with it a lot and like you know throughout the time our time at barstool but particularly lately and stuff like

that like you quote tweet and reply to someone and it's like look you sick your dogs on them you fucking got in the studio and made a 10 minute song about a 10 year old relationship that was three months that was three months long. Listen, listen. Are we forgetting that this song already existed 10 years ago? Just the fact that she, it's not like she rewrote the song

with all these new lyrics in it. She already had this. She just re-recorded it so she would own the rights to it. That's why these are arguments I'm making, but they're arguments I'd acknowledge and say that's a fair point. I wouldn't even say that it's fair.

Like, I think that, well, also, by the way, no, no, no, well, also, by the way. No, no, no, no, no. By the way, she also goes on constantly to say that this song has become more than a breakup song about Jake Gyllenhaal. It's now a song between her and her fans because it spoke to her fans so deeply. Because so many people have been through a similar situation and they identify with it. Literally everyone in the world has been in a relationship for three months that breaks up. And you don't fucking cry about it for ten fucking years

it's not the three month relationship it's the age difference it's the love bombing it's the way that it made you feel and then dumped to the side it's like

so many different emotions that it brings out in people and sorry that she's just really good at putting it into words and sorry that she's so good she did ten minutes worth that she had to cut it down

deprive of it for so long we all knew about this ten minute version for years. We were all like, release it, release it, release it. And she's like, fine, this is for my fans who care about me enough to watch this. And I'm going to make a short film on top of it and get nominated for a fucking Oscar. And I'm going to win awards all day long right in this asshole's face because he wishes he

could have had me. And now he can't because I'm happy with Joe Alwyn in London. That's what's happening. Now, now, now, mind you as well. See, that's crazy. Why is that crazy? Because everything you just described is being hung up on Jake Gyllenhaal.

It's not hung up on him. You just said, I'm going to put it in his face and stick it to him. Right. Doesn't it feel good to have, at the same time of all this other success, and I'm doing all this shit already,

at the same time, doesn't it feel good, like, also, by the way, fuck you. No. You should absolutely be 100% over that to the point that you don't care at all no if you're i also disagree with that what thank you thank you god stick up for me a little bit if you want to tell stories about relationships those are your stories those are

fine yes i i also i don't agree with like a relationship and i can never talk about that ever again yes no but a relationship ended 10 years ago and now we're digging it all back up again and this guy's getting dragged. If something interesting happened, fucking, if something interesting happened. I'm on both sides of this, and I don't care about it. But, like, if, like, you're going to make money, if it's an interesting story, fucking tell a story. No, that's two different things. You want to make money if it's an interesting story, it's fine. Not, I'm going to stick it to him because I'm happy and you're not.

I'm not saying that the entire motive behind it is to stick it to him. Oh, that's every relationship. I think every time I have something good happen. You don't have a little bit of spite when something bad happens. A three-month relationship 10 years ago? No way. You think that I care about someone I dated three months, 10 years ago? Never.

Three months, though. But three months, the length of time is what people are saying. Men are so hung up on the length of time. Yes, because it's not a real relationship. Okay, that's according to you. That's according to just like the world of relationships. No, it it's not a real relationship. Okay, that's according to you. That's according to just like the world of relationships. No, it's not. Not in the situation that she's describing. She's describing

like half the lyrics are like this is love, why won't you call it love? Like the way that they were acting, it made it seem longer than just a three month relationship. God, I want Jake Gyllenhaal's side so bad. Men are so stupid. I want him to be like hung out a few times. You know what Gyllenhaal does? Whatsoever. Gyllenhaal is fucking the man about this. Gyllenhaal was

just, he just had like a full GQ article where his one stipulation is, I don't talk about past relationships at all. Yeah. And like that's, that would be commended unless you had a toxic family. You know who should do that? You know who should do that? Taylor fucking Swift. Well, what kind of career would she have if she did that?

Exactly. She's a one trick pony. Also, on set. No, that's also lies. She's a one-trick pony. Also, on set... She's just a good artist. Thank you. Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't make... Artists make money talking about their life experiences. Jake Gyllenhaal makes his living playing other people's life experiences. So if he was an artist,

a musician, this is what he'd do. But he's an actor, and that's it. It's fine, but all musicians just make money talking about their past experiences. Just, and just that Taylor Swift completely over-dramatizes everything and then her crazy-ass fans run with it like it actually is the truth. Do you not think it's like kind of pimp when she goes on

Seth Meyers, looks him in his eyes, one of Jake Gyllenhaal's best friends. No. Seth Meyers goes, hey, you're re-releasing all these songs, what do you think about the men that maybe these songs are about? And she's like, I haven't thought about their experience at all. I think that's super petty. I think you're taking it far. Hey, like, you're re-releasing all these songs. Like, what do you think about the men that, like, maybe these songs are about? And she's like, I haven't thought about their experience at all. I think that's super petty.

I think you're taking it far too seriously, Kevin. I think it's just like, I think even Jake Gyllenhaal is laughing about this. Yes. It's like, yeah, fucking funny. It's an old relationship. Yeah, I mean, I don't think Jake Gyllenhaal cares, but in terms of the internet and people, like, dragging people and fighting and all that,

like, I think you look crazy and petty. I do think it's insane that the fans are, like, you know, death to him. I think you look crazy and petty. I do think it's insane that the fans are death to him. I think the memes are hysterical. The memes are like, not now, I'm cyberbullying Jake Gyllenhaal. It's very funny. I'm laughing all day long. Which, again, would not be the other way. Only good one way.

It's only acceptable one way. That's why this is crazy. That's true. That's true. Yeah, there would be no memes about a guy being like, fuck that girl from 10 years ago. That bitch. Yeah, because women would never treat anybody like that.

Because guys would never be like, wait, who was that again? I can't say that on the street. Exactly, yeah. Because they don't give a fuck. Because they don't know anybody's name. God, it's fucked up. It's so fucked up. You know what it is?

This is Taylor keeping the matriarchy on her keychain here. Yeah. Whoa. This is what you get to have. You got your own Taylor Swift bars keeping the matriarchy on our keychain here. Whoa! This is what you get to have. You got your own Taylor Swift bars. Keeping the matriarchy on my keychain. Anyway, when are we sending the C&D letter?

Never. Yes, you gotta do that for the publicity. I texted the media. I was like, send her the merch. What are you doing? This is like when part of my take blew up because I got the C&D from ESPN for part of my take and part of the interruption. We're going to C&D Taylor.

No. We're not going to win, but KFC Radio is going to have like attention. KFC Radio, C&D to Taylor Swift Enterprise. Okay, fine. Can we do that? Who's your favorite artist in the world that you wouldn't care if they stole your intellectual property. Do you have somebody like that? No, I'm a fucking rational person.

I'm a level-headed human. We're going to see in detail, no chance we're going to win, but she's going to have to acknowledge. We're going to get Taylor Swift to tweet, like, while Sad Boy's season is blah, blah, blah, this is entirely separate from Sad Girl Autumn, and I wish John the best of luck

while in his future endeavors. Let's go. Imagine if she said something like, oh, yes, it's Sad Girl Autumn, but there are sad boys, too. Yeah. Quote tweet of your shit. Yeah, we need that.

Imagine. I would pass out. That's all I ask. All I ask is everybody go buy the fucking red Sad Girl season sweatshirt. That's a great sweatshirt. That's all I care about. I just want the bonus.

Buy Sad Boy, Sad Girl. Buy that shit. Taylor, fucking rock out. I'm going to rock out to this song. Is it 8 p.m. That's all I care about. I just want the bonus. My sad boy, sad girl, buy that shit. Taylor fucking rock out. I'm going to rock out to this song. Is it 8 p.m. tonight or tomorrow night? Tonight. Is it 8 p.m. tonight? I'm going to be banged out to this, but if everyone could just go buy a couple of pennies into our coffer. Who's banging you out at 8 p.m.?

Who's going to be banging you out? 8 p.m. I'm going to be banging myself out with me and fucking tea. That's how it gets done. A couple shekels into our coffer. Go buy some sad boy stuff because we're all laughing about it. Everyone's stealing from us. Just give us a couple of bucks.

It is important to our bottom line as a franchise. This dude, John, he's going to fucking kill himself soon if someone else just steals sad boy season again. I mean, it's actually gotten to to fucking kill himself soon if someone else just steals Sad Boy Season again. I mean, it's actually gotten to the point where it's like, someone was like, someone was like, it's impressive.

It's a feat in and of itself what you're doing. And like, now I want to just do another one. I want to think of a new thing, and I want to just let someone steal it. And then I want to just stop it. Well, it's like, what is it, Groundhog Day? The same shit happens

all the time? The guy is a fucking marketing ideas machine. Also, it kind of pissed me off just there where you're like, oh, I'm bored of getting ripped off on this part, so I'll just think of a new idea

to get ripped off again. I know, just let me rip up another million dollar idea. Like, fuck you. Like, whatever. Just pull it out of my fucking asshole. We understand.

You're creative. Like, you and Taylor run in the same circles. Don't be gross with your tongue. He's been doing this a lot. It's really disgusting. I mean you look more and more like that

fucking shit that I tell you look like all the time. What am I saying? From Year Without a Santa Claus that guy who helps them with the pickaxe. No you do. It's the cartoon

like claymation shit. The guy with the pickaxe. It's because I put on a red I'm going to red hat. The red hat. The red hat's the problem. No no I'll the pickaxe. It's because I put on a red hat. I'm going to go through. The red hat. The red hat's the problem. No, no, I'll show you right now. It's literally identical to John.

What would be your ideal situation here? Taylor acknowledges sad boy season. Taylor, knowing Taylor, yeah, absolutely. Knowing Taylor, she's going to fucking claim this as her own and C&D you and some shit and her fans are going to be going after you saying that you stole it from her. I don't think I could be C&D'd here, but my perfect

world, she just acknowledges it. She just shout out sad boy season. You know what she needs to do? We need a line in this song that she's putting out that's like, every sad girl needs to find a sad boy or something like that. And then she tweets out like the two t-shirts or some shit.

Woo! Also to be fair. Or if she's in a sad girl season sweatshirt on this fucking live thing. You know honestly what we really need? If we... That's an idea I just invented and now I'm going to be disappointed when it doesn't happen.

It's not going to happen. What we need is someone at Barstool to acknowledge what we do for a change and go make this happen. Somebody needs to be getting in contact with fucking Taylor Swift's record label or some shit. Why don't you DM? We're a major media company at this point. We're not some fucking

little hack shop in Milton anymore. We need to be like, yeah, we're going to get a Sad Boys season shirt in her hands or some shit. You've got to DM her girl with the red hair. She's like her PR person. I think her name's Iris. Yeah, how do we not know one Taylor Swift person yet? She's got a funky name. But she's like, they're always together drinking

wine during these drops, like all the time. That's who you've got to get in contact with. Oh, I know exactly who you're talking about. I know, the red hair girl who's got like an I name, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just DM her and be like, listen, I'm really, I know exactly what you're talking about. I know. The red hair girl who's got like an I name, I think. This bitch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just DM her and be like, listen, I love Sad Girl Autumn. I came up with this merch several years ago at this point.

I would like to send her a red sweatshirt. Let me do it. She doesn't even have to post it. I think that's fair. Fair play, right? And then she will post it. She'll post it on like a TikTok or something and you'll come all over yourself. That's all we need.

Exactly. I mean, I spend like 500 bucks a month at Taylor Swift's merch store, so just feel like it's fair play. I spend so much on merch, too. I wonder when it's going to come. I'm so excited. Not for like six months. You'll get mad at Barstool.

You should see Taylor Swift's merch. It's crazy slow. It is slow. Although my folklore merch came so fast, so I was spoiled at that time. Oh, man, John. I don't know. The only way you get attention from Taylor Swift is to date her for 45 seconds, man, John. I don't know.

The only way you get attention from Taylor Swift is to date her for 45 seconds, and then she'll be petty about you. And then she'll never stop talking about you, John. So maybe you've got to do that. Otherwise, there's no chance she'll ever fucking mention you at all. I swear. One day, Kevin, I'm going to literally slice your throat open. I know.

And nobody's going to do shit. No one's going to do shit. They're going to be like, oh, wow, well-deserved. You're a real asshole. And the internet's going to be like, that crazy Whitney Houston hater. Yeah, well, let him. She murdered somebody. Let him. I'll sing it from jail if I have to.

Sad girl autumn. Fuck out of here. Team Scooter brawn for life. No, we are not. What are you saying? Just go buy sad girl season merch. That's all we ask. We'll cyber bully fucking Scooter and whoever else you want.

Yeah, how about that like hire us Taylor mention this shit and we'll carry your water for fucking ever I'd love to cyber bully her this is like the one demographic actually that she like doesn't really fully like have we'll do it we'll give you all the white men 18 to 24 or whatever if you mention

our t-shirts instead of yours fair play mention our t-shirts instead of yours. Fair play. Did you see how I got invited to Thanksgiving? Is that one of the most disrespectful things your parents can do to you? We'll be right back. You got invited to your own family's Thanksgiving? Bro, not like a call. You can come. I got an invitation in the mail. In the mail? In the mail. First of all, your parents are doing invitations in the mail to Thanksgiving? Yeah.

And second of all, you got one? Got one. It's like the most backhanded compliment you could ever receive. Oh, no, John. That's not a compliment. Look, being invited to dinner is inherently nice, but it's not a compliment. I don't know. If you're not busy with your own fucking family, I guess you can come.

Where are you going in life, son, is what they were asking. What is your plan? When did everybody else get their invitations, and were you just like? Are you a B invitation? I got one in this room at the table because she said no, so we can fit in there. No, I'm an A. Look here, look here. I'm nothing if not an A invitation. Are you?

Yeah. Are you sure? Of course. I'm an A invitation guy. But it's just I don't want to be on it. I want it to be implied. Of course I'm coming. You're the only people I fucking, like, half of my life. Like, no shit, I'm coming. You're the only people I fucking have in my life.

No shit, I'm coming. What are you fucking talking about? It was up for debate. I should be like, here's where the family sits. John Henry's in the family. I was going to say, are you going to even have a seat? I don't know if I'm going to see the table anymore. I don't know.

I'm going to find out, man. I don't know what's going to happen when I show up to Thanksgiving. It's a new house. I've never been to this house. I don't know where I'm going to find out, man. I don't know what's going to happen when I show up to Thanksgiving. It's a new house. I've never been to this house. I don't know where I'm going to sleep at Thanksgiving. I'm going to have to get a hotel. I'm going to have to go to Thanksgiving at my goddamn family's house, get a hotel, and they're going to be like, all right.

You know how when a party's over and people start putting the booze away? It's kind of like the polite, old-fashioned way to be like, Eric, time for everyone to go home. Yeah. Like, I'm going to be on the couch watching a movie. You're going to be watching. They're going to get up and go like, all right. Yeah, I was going to be like clanking the liquor cabinet

being like, time to put the booze away. It's about that time. Jen, honey, where are you sleeping? Are you all set? I'm quitting time. Yeah, I'm on this fucking couch is where I'm sleeping. Bro, that's bad. I don't know what's worse.

My family, we're looking up reservations at local City Island restaurants. You going out for Thanksgiving? I think so. To like Artie's on City Island Avenue too. Like not a great spot. What's Artie's? I don't know that. It's just like a fucking local.

I'm just saying we're not going to like Per Se or some shit. We're not going to like some fancy Michelin star spot. We're going to like the local Italian slash seafood slash like steak burger joint. I could one-up that, and this is probably an RU Garbage question. We just went to a bar once. Not even a restaurant. My family was just like, ah, we don't want to do it. And the only place open was just like

a local bar. I think Bailey's it was called. And it was like, they just had bar food. It wasn't any Thanksgiving. It was just... Wait, wait, wait. I just had a revelation. I'm not supposed to be at Thanksgiving. I'm not

invited to Thanksgiving. Oh my God. what do you mean oh my god it's like just hit now my mom's gonna be mad at me for being dumb oh my god she was asking me if I'm doing Thanksgiving in my apartment again this year and I was like no and she's like wasn't that fun bro I got uninvited at Thanksgiving. I'm a B invite. I'm a B invite. I didn't get an invitation. She was like,

wasn't that fun with all your friends? Last year you did. We had it at my apartment. And she wanted you to do that again. And she was like, are you going to do it again? And I was like, no. I was like, no. We all have a vaccine now. And then I got an invitation. I'm still on your side.

I don't think that's dumb. I think she's dumb. Or not dumb. She just doesn't like you. I don't know. If I were you and I stayed at home for the pandemic and then the following year, I think I would be like, I'm back in with the family. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm dumb in that sense.

When she asked, that was, so no Thanksgiving for you, right? Right. That was being like, hey, if, that was, so no Thanksgiving for you, right? Right, right, right. That was being like, hey, if I were you, I'd not come home. I'd do your thing again. Oh, so you think she was giving you, like, an out almost? I think she was pushing an out upon me. Right. Yeah, I don't think it was like, here's a favor.

It's like, we don't want you here. Don't come home. Yes. Yes. What am I going to do? Want to come to Artie's? Bro. What am I going to? Wanna come to Artie's? Bro What am I gonna do?

I'm going home That's what's gonna happen My mom fucking uninvited me to Thanksgiving man And then invited me Which was the ruder part I got uninvited to Thanksgiving And then re-invited And that's the fucked up part

Bro speaking of Thanksgiving Another crazy thing happened to me Thanksgiving-wise? Sure. I got an email yesterday, last night, 7.30 p.m., inviting me to a Friendsgiving at my apartment from Eric Nathan. Now, to be fair, He mentioned it to me Like a week and a half ago And I was like

Sure yeah Sounds fun again Full plan Who's making what dishes All that shit At my apartment Well Well you're gonna need it

So I cancelled it I cancelled it Did you? Yeah Alright guys Let's be realistic here Yeah come on 99% of the time i've been there's just half of my parents are coming to town just kidding because i guess they wanted to see me around thanksgiving and didn't expect to be expect me to be on their fucking couch

so they had planned a little new york trip this weekend always nice to see each other on the holidays. Yeah, no, no. I'll see you guys Tuesday night for a week. Can you guys make sure you get a bunch of Sour Patch Kids and put them in the freezer and have them ready for me? Your adult son's coming home. This is a movie. This is a movie. This is a movie. This is definitely a movie right here.

Like Home for the Holidays starring this guy. Oh my God. My heart hurts. I think it's just broken. What's worse, this or E. coli Christmas? Oh my God. 30 years later. Yo, my parents fucking hate me. I hate you, man.

You're going to be the poster child for Jehovah's Witnesses. No holidays. Can't be sad on Thanksgiving and Christmas if you never fucking heard of it. I'm crying again. We're two for two. I'm leaking tears. These tears are a little bit different.

These tears are a little more warranted. These tears come from the fucking bottom of the heart. These aren't fun tears. These aren't even laughing so hard your eyes are watering tears. These are you having memories tears. Holy shit. Goddamn. One year we just went to the grocery store and bought everything,

and I thought that was shitty. Now we're going out, and I thought that was like shitty. Now we're going out and I thought that was extra shitty. But at least we're all inherently assumably doing it together. At least the family's together. What about your other siblings? Have you talked to them? I have not spoken to them, no.

Shoot one of them a text and just be like, what's going on for the next week? Are you invited? What's the deal? My sister just got married. If I'm not invited, she better not be married. How many of them live away from home?

Just two of us. Me and my sister, I live here. My sister lives in Connecticut. And then my other two siblings live in our hometown. Which isn't the town my parents live in. So if the siblings who are not at home are not invited, are you cool with it then? Does it help? Does it make it easier if it's like, oh, me and her are not invited?

No, because there's a huge distinction in the marriage. You have a new family. You're out of this family. You're out. You're willingly out. We gave you away last month. Yo, the worst part of being in a relationship, though, is the holidays. Because you still want to go home.

She wants to go home. Oh, she has long said, which I don't believe is what's going to happen. I think her husband's coming. But until this year, they've been together for a long time, obviously. They have always done holidays separately. I swear to God, separate holidays, separate dinners. They might catch up at some point, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Separate holidays, separate dinners. And they might, like, they might, like, they catch up at some point, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Separate holidays, separate dinners would save marriages all across the world. Separate holidays, you should, until you have your own kids, just go home. And then, yeah, like, you do, like, come back on that Saturday after Thanksgiving and do something with your spouse. Yeah. Do Christmas Eve, do the 23rd before you go home. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Just make up a fucking day.

You know what I mean? Days are arbitrary. Days don't mean a fucking thing. You're an adult. Pick one day. As evidence, you know, Christmas. We just decided it was in December. It's not a real date. Yeah, no, that was just a fuck the pagans, right?

Yeah. And fucking. There's something pagan about it. Who knows what Thanksgiving is? There's no way they did Thanksgiving on the Thursday in November. A fucking shot. I forget what day that massacre was. Right.

Right. They weren't trying to relive that fucking bloodbath. Give me a break. Fuck out of here. What was the day that they taught us how to grow corn and we taught them how to fucking die a smallpox? Smallpox. Yeah.

Here's how to die of a disease. Start coughing. Call it even? Yeah. how to die of a disease. Start coughing. Call it even? Great. We're going to take Manhattan while we're at it. Fucking idiots. Listen, it's not said very often, but Native Americans are idiots. The white man, not great.

Not great like morals. Native Americans Not smart Is that in the sales Of the Yeah in all of this shit Or is that of just Taking help from Strangers

All of it All of it to be like Yeah First of all Like we rolled up We rolled up pretty deep I would imagine And they were like

Oh this will be fine What's ours is yours What's yours is ours Whatever We all share the land Mother nature No No

Groups are trouble If a group rolls up Yes You know what I was thinking the other day What's fucked up But this is also Crazy accurate How

A group of five or more girls What are they all Hot A group of five or more guys What are they all Douchebags Yeah It's like

You see five guys Like those are all fucking losers. Yeah, when you see five girls, you're like, whoo, man, what is this, a sorority just opened up? Out tonight! Yeah, yeah. It's unfair but accurate. Well, but it's probably because, you know,

like the group of women can't like massacre you and rape you and stuff. They should have had their head on a swivel as soon as like the whites showed up. And then. They just put that on every minority's graves ever what happened whites came yeah whites just whites cause of death whites uh they then once it was clear that we wanted shit from them they were just like sorry they were just like Yeah you know Ugh I'm not I'm not feeling well either We're gonna be sick For the holidays

This is gonna be great What happened with the whites though? Well once they Once they made it clear They wanted shit The Native Americans Gave it away for free So it's like

Maybe they showed up And said okay Let's get along with these guys And then Like the next second They're like Hey how much for all this fucking land? How much for all these fucking resources? How much for everything that

you have? And they were like, my muffin. Well, but you ever think about that? By the way, I don't know if any of this is true. Of course. You listen to KFC radio. It's all fucking nonsense. Go listen to NPR, you fucking idiots. The how much more logical the Americans were.

Yeah. They said, they're like, what the fuck is money? Yeah. Just take the food. Right. We just grow it. Right. Imagine if Native Americans won and we just lived in a world now where just like, yeah,

just, oh, you want a tree? I mean, you want a house? Just build it. Yeah. They could take your shit. Sure. The lands right there. You want to do it right there? Go ahead. You want to do it right next to me? Like, yeah. Like, just, oh, you want a tree? I mean, you want a house? Just build it. Yeah, they could take your shit. Sure, the lands right there. Oh, you want to do it right there? Go ahead.

You want to do it right next to me? Like, okay. Like, Native Americans, homeowners associations? Yeah. Yeah, right. Coming around and knocking on TP doors, being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You think you can pay this in animal blood? I don't know.

Yeah, but you know what? Isn't it, I guess Native Americans are just, like, that cool of people. But I feel like, inherently inherently you get people together. They will take and fight. It just like happens. It's just like human nature. Was it just not in there? I'm a hippie.

I'm a Native American, man. Yeah, you are. You are. Exactly. That's why you're dumb. Yeah. Well, come on. Yeah.

You're stupid like the Indians. You're dumb like the Indians. I don't think so. I think the Indians would be like, yeah, use Saturdays for the boys. Saturdays for all of us. No big deal. Yeah, what? You want my IP?

Here, take it out. I don't care. You want my whole brain? Exactly. I don't care. Yeah, that was it. I think because it's more fun that way. It is, but unless you lose.

Nah, I haven't lost yet. You've been uninvited from Thanksgiving. You've lost. You've lost. You've lost. If you can live any way, live as blissfully optimistic. I do everything.

I'm like, this could work out. That's how I go into it. I could I know that it's probably not going to. Prepare for the worst, expect the best. Someone tweeted tweeted me today when I tweeted that picture of those fucking assholes

eating food in the water. And someone tweeted the clip. It's the best defense of anything in the history of the world. It is, let me see if I can find it real quick.

It is. This is a picture of this couple that was eating in like waist deep water in like a little tropical quick. It is. This is a picture of this couple that was eating in waist-deep water in a little tropical table. It is. It's insane. It's downright insane to walk out of that water with a fucking shirt on.

That dude's wet to his nipples. The shirt is crazy. It's nutsack. He looks like a muffin. He looks like a fucking idiot muffin. Look how wet. The crone up his back. It's like back in the day when you wore Paco jeans and it rained a little bit and next thing you knew your knees were wet.

The wicking effect. Yeah, this guy's going to finish his meal with wet shoulders. But I tweeted that picture and I said it was psychotic. And someone replied with this. And I think it's the best defense for anything ever. It could be cool. I don't know. It could be cool.

For real. Like, I don't know. Like, oh, a bunch of white people just show up on boats. I don't know. It could be cool. That's exactly what happened. It was like there was some, like, Indian chief who was like, I don't know. This isn't looking like, go get the bow and arrows ready.

Go get everything set. And there was some guy running bowls like, I don't know, because I need an apple. So she's like, could be cool. And they were like, all right,

we'll see what happens. Because everyone's dead. Everyone's dead in marketing. Maybe they have a currency system that they're going to fucking implement us with a hammer, iron fist. I don't know. Could be cool.

KC Radio. Could be cool. Could be cool. I don't know. Could be cool. Could be cool if you get all your diamonds and jewelry from Gage Diamonds this holiday season because they are the premier online retailer of all jewelry ranging from engagement rings to fine watches to small time gifts for anniversaries and birthdays.

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If I could get my parents a present with that discount, they might. Why don't you buy an engagement ring now for 20% off for one day when you're going to use it? What the fuck just happened? You just talked to my mom or something?

Just saying. Now's the chance you get 20% off your engagement ring. It makes a lot of sense for someone who's lovable. Someone who one day will find love. For someone who people could see a life with. Yeah, sure. Go ahead and get one. If you are on the verge, you should just buy it now.

Get the 20% off. Throw it in your sock drawer. It's called an investment. Yeah. This is what an investment is. Right, for real. One day, there aren't going to be 20% discounts on engagement rings. Real soon.

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Let it appreciate. You can actually don't even give it to her. Just sell it. Oh, yeah, that too. Sure. Yeah, you can make multiple investments into your future and happiness. Buy a couple engagement rings.

Yeah. You know? Fuck it. Yeah, then you get 100% off. Buy five. Buy five. Buy five. Sell them all. You make 500% of your money back. That's math.

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Gage.com. That is fucking smart. I will get five buddies. You all buy one. Then you're all individually getting 20%. I was going to say that you split the price because you got the free one. I was so close. I should have pulled the shoe on the 5-5 get one free.

You were good. You were good. You made it. You made it there. What do you think is going to happen for Christmas, John? Come on, man. I'm trying to send a tweet to promote our show since our social team doesn't anymore. Honestly, I'm at the point, if you want to do social for KC Radio, I'm not to the point.

If you want to do social for KC Radio, resumes, the job's open. The job's open. Send your resumes in. We've been trying to send it to you. Please watch our show. Please. Oh, man.

Anybody who wants to help KC Radio Social, just start doing it. Just start doing it. I'd give you the password, but I don't know it. You could guess it. Just start a new account that's like KFC Radio 1. Just think about a week to get more followers.

You'll eclipse the real account in 45 seconds. If you send two tweets a week. Ridiculous. The holidays are five seconds. If you send like two tweets a week. Ridiculous. Yeah, no, the holidays are this is why people kill themselves on the holidays, bro. This is why everybody kills themselves on the holidays. Yeah? Because they find out

like they got uninvited from Thanksgiving and stuff. Oh, no. I'm not going to go out like that. I'm not going to go out in a group like a loser. I'll wait till the spring to kill myself. Fourth of July, baby. Yeah, when is the least likely time to kill yourself? Good question.

Super Bowl. No. No, no, no. Because it's still dreary and cold and shit. You never know. True, true, true. And drama queens probably want to make a statement. Like, everyone's, like, getting together for, like, the day, and it's like, I'm going to kill myself.

You know what I mean? All my friends and family are doing something. Yeah, but unless they don't exist. Let's see. Average deaths per... Average suicides per month. Oh, okay. Boy, that's a lot of suicides, by the way.

Wait. December and November. 100,000 people a day kill themselves? No. No, no, no. 100. Point. Oh, that's a day kill themselves? No, no, no. 100. Point. Oh, that's a point.

I thought that was a comma there. I thought that was 116,710. I was like, holy shit. Okay, so by a shred, we're looking at. The decimal here I just don't like. That just makes it feel like somebody just died inside. I was like a.75 death. So actually, ironically,

it's the holidays. 111. Is the least likely day? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. How about that? Yeah, the 11th and 12th

ranked months for holidays is November and December. So eat a dick, mental health people who are always like, it's the holidays. Check in on each other. Oh, yeah?

How about like, it's May. Check in on your fucking friends. Yeah, look at that. May is in on each other. Oh, yeah? How about it's May. Check in on your fucking friends. Yeah, look at that. May is number one. How about that? Nailed it. Kevin had a rough May this year. None of you were helping me in May. All years was around in Christmas and I was getting presents. It was fine.

Nobody was checking in on May when I was tying the noose. We talked about this in the live show where we're becoming the anti-mental health people. We're about this in the live show. We're becoming the anti-mental health people. We're doing a hell of a job. Yeah. We are strong.

We are. If you're looking for an anti-mental health movement, you have come to the right place. It is fucking... Look at that. I think we said it. It was... Ain't nobody killing themselves during the holidays. It's because if you considered... I wouldn't say nobody.

Well, 100 people a day. If you considered doing it three to five times, maybe it's time to seriously consider doing it. This is the point I made, and I think it's a sentient point. If people like to make the connection that it is that mental health, being sick, is similar to getting sick actually. Which, first

of all, it's not. It's not. But second of all, if someone was battling cancer and kept fighting and fighting and fighting and the cancer kept coming back, I would say it's okay to go if you need to. I just say it. I told, I said to my grandfather.

I said, it's okay, Pop. I said, you can fucking go, man. It's okay, Pop. Just let go. Bro, they've taken multiple fingies. They've taken multiple feet from you. You've only got multiple. That's it. Yeah.

You can only do that once, John. You want a rep? Fucking go take a rep, man. Take one big hit of that morphine and beats. For real real though. I'm going to do that one. That's the way to go, like slamming a drink

before you leave a bar. Absolutely. Right. All right, I'm out. When I, when I, where are my keys?

When I'm like 71, I'm going to wake up one day and be like, ah, my back hurts. Let's do this. And I just want, I want a gallon of morphine.

I want it to be likeine I want it to be like I want to see Like in the tube I want the tubes to like You want to turn into Like a snake eating a deer I want it to be like Into the bane from

The bane from George Clooney's Batman Yeah Yeah Very vast Oh yes You can see it all through Right with all the tubes Yeah

Pumped down I want to see the morphine Running through my veins And then see you later And they're going to be like Yeah. Very vast. Oh, yes, yes. You can see it all through. Right, with all the tubes. Yeah, and I just pumped that in. I want to see the morphine running through my veins. And then see you later. And they're going to be like, what happened? And I'll be like, I don't know. Grandpa had a bad day. It was like a rainy day when he was 72.

He decided to just fucking cash out with a morphine overdose. Grandpa stubbed his toe and said, that's enough of life for me. Happy holidays, folks. Yeah, I think it's going well. I think it's going good. We're all having fun. You know what's happening right now? I'm sweating because it's 800 degrees in here again.

It's 800 degrees. I'm going to make you an offer. Oh, boy. I don't know if you can refuse, but I think you can. I think you will. Most offers I refuse You want to sun in your hair again? Yeah baby

Can you do me a favor guys? I definitely want to sun in your hair Can you go What are the different bottles? Like a I think one's lemon fresh One's tropical breeze I was using lemon fresh all summer

I'm sorry, the tropical breeze all summer. Can you go into the green room and there is, uh, there should be a blow dryer or ask case or something like that. Oh,

we're gonna heat this bitch up. Well, that's the way sun and work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is,

it is the heat that does it, not the sun itself. You are a colossal asshole. I am a what now? This is so funny that a grown man is doing this. Well, hang on a second. I have to make a call to another grown man

who wants in on this game. Who's that? Who do you think? He's no rude boy! What? Just to clarify, this takes like an hour to set in when you hit it with the hair dryer, right? What are you, nuts? I don't know. When I bleached my hair, takes like an hour to set in when you hit it with hair dryer, right? What are you, nuts? I don't know.

When I bleached my hair, it took an hour. Do you think we're messing with bleach right now? No. I don't think it's going to change right away. No. But it's going to be a thing. No, we'll do it, yeah. Uh-oh, Rude Boy's not answering.

I might be in this game alone. He's like, this guy's just going to, he wants to put sun in his hair. Oh, Rudy knows. Why you reach Rudy? All right. What could Rudy possibly be doing? He's not answering his phone. Let me hit that.

Let me do this. We got to get the back here. Yeah, get all over this bitch. Oh, yeah. How much are you supposed to put in? Don't know. Find out, though. Why don't you fuck around and find out, bitch?

Could be cool. All right. Yeah, got a nice little. God, it smells gross. Coming down. Balls in. Coming down. Oh, man.

I can understand where, like, it's wet and it's, like, kind of, like, you know, a little, like, greasy. And we're going to hit that with a fucking blow dryer and just, like, melt that into your hair. I get it. I understand how this is going to work. I am. A child. I get it. I understand how this is going to work. I am a child. I'm very excited. You're going to go orange for the holidays. I'm going to go blonde for the holidays, yeah.

Holidays. Here's what I'll do. I will concede before this happens again for a second time. I will concede. I will be honest about the hair color this time. Okay. Whatever color it is, I will be honest about it. You will be honest about the hair color this time. Okay. Whatever color it is, I will be honest about it. You will be honest

about your hair being orange. There might have been a time or two this summer where it was a hair orange. It was... Your hair was a hair orange. Are you going to hit the beard? No. I don't want to put a blow dryer on my face.

What color would that orange beard turn if you sun-in'd it? Fuck it. Yo, John, I want everyone to listen out there, and I want you to think of the person in your life who takes zero to convince to do anything. He was like, no, I don't want to do that. I was like, what would happen? He was like, okay, fine, fuck it. Could be cool. Could be cool. We're going to do a. He was like, no, I don't want to do that. I was like, what would happen? He was like, okay, fine, fuck it.

Could be cool. Could be cool. We're going to do a could be cool shirt. I don't know. Could be cool. You just said like, what color would it be? We got to find out. We don't know.

You are a literal puppy dog. Just like, I'll get a stick. Okay. Okay. I'll do it. We're going to have to. Where's this blow dryer at? I don't know, Pat.

Where the fuck are you? Our team's falling apart. It honestly, they're doing a college football show right now, so they may actually be using it. Isn't that girl in there? Do you smell that? It smells terrible. It doesn't smell that bad.

It smells awful. It smells not great. No, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. He told a story. Chris D told a story on his podcast. You can leave it in. You can leave this in now because I want to leave this.

He told a story on the podcast recently. This is the most recent episode of Christy Chaos. He was fucking this chick once, and this guy showed up at his door, banging on the door, and was like you are fucking my wife and he was like what are you talking about i'm like i'm banging this girl was like totally single uh like look and he was like what do you mean like look at her instagram it's just like me and the kids all the time and he's like no it's not like all the pictures i see she's like a single girl and he's like look at her instagram and he's like that's not the instagram i've had this girl had two separate instagrams living two separate lives and uh and this guy showed up at his door

being like i'm gonna fucking kill you chris explained his side of the story i guess they kind of like smoothed it out dude took out a list and was like okay man like thanks crossed off chris's name and like on to the next one what like some billy madison shit had a list of guys fucking his wife crazy bro see Bro, see this is like this is kind of the same thing. I don't understand how you care. That someone's

fucking your wife? If there was one person fucking my wife, I'd be upset. If there were 50 people fucking my wife, I'd be like this is too many people to go fight. It's also like fuck someone else once, shame on you. my wife, I'd be like, this is too many people to go fight. Well, you know what it's what? It's also like, fuck someone else once, shame on you.

Fuck someone else a dozen times, shame on me. At some point, Chris said in the episode, he was like, she was always coming over. She could spend the night. She never had anywhere to be. At some point, if your wife and the mother of your kids is, like, never coming home, it's on you eventually. It's, yeah. Eventually, you've got to be like, stop fucking these people. You've got to figure it out.

It's almost like, we saw a reference the other day. Like, it's like a family guy joke where, like, okay, one, I'm angry. Two, like, and then, like, two to fucking 49. Probably one to 49, I'm like, this is ridiculous. Right. And then 50, I'm like, there it is. Yeah. I actually, I honestly think the number's three.

If you're fucking three other people, I'm like. That's enough. I'm just done. It's like. It's almost like I just, all right, I'm to you. I'm just, yeah. You might as well go fuck four. You were clearly not prepared for this fucking relationship we're in. Right.

If you're fucking. I almost don't blame you. Three other people. It's like, yeah, you're trapped in something you clearly can't handle. in if you're fucking three other people it's like yeah you're trapped in something I can't imagine fucking three people

at the same time it's like impossible nowadays with texting and shit too they're all texting you they all want to see you everyone's hanging out everyone's got their

you gotta have separate Instagram pages and shit it's fucking wild separate Instagram pages bro imagine that imagine running

multiple Instagram pages for the different guys that. Imagine running multiple Instagram pages for the different guys you're fucking. Dude, I can't imagine running three separate social medias. Neither can our social team. I was waiting for it. Although I did get into Instagram filters lately

and I'll tell you what, I'm having a real lot of fun with it. You could be our social guy. Yeah, just me doing dumb shit on the filters. How about this one today? Oh, God, no. No, this is a good one. Look at this one. No.

No, I don't want to look at this one. I know it's not going to be good. I know this is not going to be good. Oh, my God. It's John as Baby Yoda. Oh, my God. Look at this. Yeah, I know, John.

I know. I know, John. I know. I know. I mean, this is like your grandfather finding out about the internet. You see this? Hey, come here. Look. I'm Yoda. How funny is this? It makes my head look like Yoda's head.

I hate you. I hope you kill yourself over the holidays. Bro, I'm going to do an Instagram filter right now. I'm going to do an Instagram filter. I can't kill myself over the holidays. Bro, I'm going to do an Instagram filter right now. I'm going to do an Instagram filter. I can't kill myself over the holidays. They wouldn't find my body for two weeks. While you do that, I have to make fun of the rest of the fucking internet along with you, you piece of shit. Okay.

The amount of people who, A, got mad at the Barstool Sports list of best female singers of all time. And, you know, trending on Twitter. Number one. Number, trending on Twitter. Number one. Number one trend on Twitter. That A, got mad about it at all, and then B, did not pick up on the sarcasm when JoJo was the number three greatest singer of all time. Ashley Simpson.

Don't disrespect a Foxborough legend like that. I love JoJo, too. On my personal list, she might be number one. On a top ten list of all time, right after Whitney and Celine or whatever, Mariah, Whitney, JoJo, then Lady Gaga, Aretha Franklin, Beyonce, then Ashley Simpson, Tina Turner, Adele, Addison Rae. Like, guys. And then the amount of people tweeting being like,

people are telling me it's sarcasm. Like, no, it's not. Look at the other tweets. Like, the other tweets are serious. You dumb fucking idiots. See, that's what pisses me off about it. Go wait until May when it's high suicide month and kill yourself. What pisses me off about these people is that one thing,

and I'm sure we've had this discussion before, because someone did it to me the other day when I said, who the fuck is Whitney Houston? And someone said, you're a fucking troll, you're a fucking idiot. No, man, it's the internet. We're just having some fun. Like, it's not troll. People forgot, John.

We're not just having fun. I'm just having a good time, man. I have to come clean. I know who the fuck Whitney Houston isston is but like it's like like i just it's not trolling it's not it's just we're just having a good time man that's what happened the world stopped using the internet as a thing to have fun they come to argue they come to learn they come to prove points if you look at this list and do anything other than laugh you're an asshole you're an asshole and then and then, if someone says, yo, yo,

dude, dude, dude, come on. Look at the list. It's satire. They put JoJo and it's a joke. It's not even satire. It's just funny. We're just fucking around. Yeah, satire's not the right word. It's just a joke. People love using satire. It's gaslighting satire. Nobody knows what it means anymore. No, it's just a joke. But then when someone

says, like, bro, it's a joke. Don't you get it it and then you go like no you know just be like oh fuck oh fuck yeah you're right yeah it's a joke people have such a hard time admitting just like you got got not in a bad way like you looked at a list you got fired up and then someone pointed out that it was a joke and you just be like oh fuck it says JoJo. That's it, and move on with your life. Multiple tweets of people being like, no, no.

Oh, well, then, oh, this is what they think is funny? Well, like, says a lot about them. What? No, what this says about us is that we made a stupid list for fun. It's a dumb fucking joke. We don't think it's anything more than a dumb fucking joke. Yeah, right, and you, I don't think anything more than a dumb fucking person. They're trying to pretend it's a dumb fucking joke. We don't think it's anything more than a dumb fucking joke. Yeah, right. And you, I don't think anything more than a dumb fucking person.

I'm trying to pretend it's a master of comedy. Yeah, right. This is their universe. Chuck made this. Our social media guy. Look, it's a shitty Photoshop job. Look at the fuck. It's not.

It's a terrible piece of media. And it got like. It's not the KFC radio thing. Our graphics are good. We do all that in-house. They don't get posted, but they're good. God, these people are so dumb. All right.

What else? Why are you yelling at me? Do you keep putting that in your hair? Yeah, I don't want it to dry. Ah, gotcha. I don't know what that would do. I'm going to yell at you and everyone else on the internet. I'm with you.

No, yeah, I don't know. I'm just going to yell at you because you're an idiot. Ah, I understand. Let's play Am I the Asshole with everyone on the internet. Everyone's an asshole. Okay. It's brought to you by Manscaped. You are an asshole if you don't manscape.

I manscape. So then you are an asshole because of other reasons. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I manscape my asshole. other reasons. Yeah. I manscaped my asshole. You gotta. I don't manscape. You gotta. You just let it run wild?

I don't have anything, man. Once you shave your ass, it just becomes a disaster. Sweat and stuff. It's a nightmare. All right, guys. Jesus Christ. But I love that they talk about keeping your dagger slick I can't

They're not going oh my god In their copy they're like keep your dagger slick My dagger slick as fuck My dagger is slick as fuck Listen if your dagger is not slick That's a problem This should be more like keep your sack slick If your dagger is bushy, imagine that.

Imagine if, oh, oh. That was gross. There's a lot of people with hairy penises, I bet. I don't think so. For sure. I don't think so. With a hairy penis? Okay, let's define hairy.

Hairy dagger? Yeah, like enough that, you know, it would be like Like enough that You know It would be like a problem That's sex If If left unkempt Yeah It looks like cousin it

Yeah Pull up cousin it Good amount of people No Yeah No I think it's biological All Italians All Greeks

All the Italians The Guineas are so Fucking hairy And the Greeks are even worse Pav's his friend Who tried to get me in trouble All Yeah that's true

But the rest are Imagine that You just fucking Take down a pair of pants There's just a cock right there Covered in hair With glasses and a top hat on That'd be pretty funny

If you had little glasses And a little top hat You're doing a little show Da da da da da da If you have little glasses and a little top hat You're doing a little show You don't want Listen You want to have a slick dagger If you don't have a slick dagger Put a fucking sunglasses and top hat on it

Speaking of daggers The other day I was walking down the street Some dude had Looked like he was carrying a sword Just an umbrella But it wasn't like a sheath That's cool And it was over And it was like strapped over his back That's cool And I was like that fucking lunatic's he was carrying a sword, just an umbrella, but it wasn't like a sheath. That's cool. And it was over,

and it was like strapped over his back. That's cool. And I was like, that fucking lunatic's walking around with a sword, and it was raining, and he took it out,

and I was like, that fucking lunatic is so much smarter than me because I was just getting wet in the rain. Yeah, and also like, the worst part about umbrellas

and the reason why guys often just don't use them is because you just don't want to carry things. But if you have like a, you know, like, it's also cool. It's cool to go That's cool. To pull things out of the back like an arrow or a foot.

Well, then it's not cool. Then you're a fuck. Banskates! Make sure your dick is slick. I can't. Why didn't they go with that? Why didn't they just go with like have a slick dick? It went dagger. Slick dick does that. I think't. Why didn't they go with that? Why didn't they just go with, like, have a slick dick? It went dagger. Slick dick does. I think dick's a little too profane.

I guess. Manscaped. I I You wanna do this? Let's do this. Okay. Main talking point. Host 1 screams really loud. Ah! Oh! OMG! Fuck! Oh no! It's a bloodbath in here.

There's gotta be a better way to get my dagger clean and shiny safely than this. This is what I used to deal with when I caught myself shaving before I knew about Manscaped. Thank you, Manscaped. No lines for O's too? No, just one. Damn, being O's too is a racket. Well, you improv. Let's improv, okay?

Okay. Okay. Ow! OMG. Fuck. Oh, no. It's a bloodbath a blood. Did you fall again in the shower? No, no, it's just It's just got a busy your period and no Just that there's got to be a way to keep my dagger clean and shiny Kevin There are a million different ways to do it, but which way would you like to do right now? Well, how about the manscaped or I'll come I'll come put it in my mouth. I'll bite it off.

Please don't. I would rather you just shoot my pubes and bite off my dick. I just bit off every pube one by one. That would take a long time. I got nothing but time, kid. I'm not going to Thanksgiving with my parents. It's fine. I got about a week and a half to kill. I've got things

to do. And I'm out of floss. It's fine. In fact, you'd be doing me a favor. There it is. Really? Do you want to do my dick and balls and, like, my whole body? Because it's not just my dick and balls. You can manscape your entire body.

Will you do my chest, too? Your chest? Sure. I probably do a lion in a butthole. Well, someone's going to have to do that then. You got any friends who can do that? Someone's going to have to. I got a friend who can do that.

His name's Manscaped. Go to manscaped.com, promo code KFC, and you can get 20% off plus free shipping so you don't have to call your friend with no family at Thanksgiving to take out your pubes one by one with his mouth. That's right. You heard it here first. The Lawn Mower 4.0. Better than your friend removing pubes individually one by one.

What that mouth do? It removes pubes one by one. Go to manscaped.com. Promo code KFC. 20% off plus free shipping. Get the Lawn Mower. Get the nose hair trimmer. Everything else to make sure that dick is slick.

Am I the asshole if I get disinvited to my family's Thanksgiving? Yes, you are. Am I the asshole for getting a cashier in trouble because he didn't believe in February 29th? Wait. Say it again, please. Am I the asshole for getting a cashier in trouble because he didn't believe in February 29th? Today, after leaving work, I needed to pick up some wine, so I made a stop at a local grocery store to get two different bottles. Like, why does...

I just hate the details. Today, after leaving work, I needed to pick up some wine, so I made a stop at a local grocery store to get two different bottles that he and some – I needed bleach and cat sand. Like, why? Yeah, I bet you did. Sounds like a person who needed cat sand. I just – like, everyone in the world, whether you're writing an M.O.A. The Asshole or you're just telling a story or just having a conversation,

think about all the details you're about to tell the person and cut it down to one-tenth, and you can still tell the story. For real. I don't know. Catsand might come into play. Maybe it does. And if it does, I will apologize to this person. But every story can be summed up in one sentence.

Every story. Every storymed up in one sentence. Every story. Every story. I've done it. I used to do one-minute mans that were like 10 minutes. Now I do them under 60 seconds every time. Really? Fuck you, Instagram. Yes.

I do them reels every time now because that's what gets the views. So I'm just like, you just don't need to – I mean, yeah, you're going to leave out some details and shit. But you can convey every single story in one sentence in maximum 60 seconds. Yes, you can. And there's a time and a place for storytelling. Yes, yes. If you're holding court, you're at the bar. But even when you're building a story to a punchline, when people are like,

I was getting the wine or the bleach or the cats? But also, nobody fucking cares. We talk about that a lot. But there are also times I catch myself doing it because it's just instinctual. Like, you just want to tell the truth. You want to be like, ah, fuck, I want to tell this accurately. But even, all right, the next time you catch yourself going like, ah, fuck. I do, I do stop.

Just keep going. But I do. Yeah, just fucking stop doing that and keep going with the story. I have a permanent baby face, so I'm always ready to give the ID. Usually there isn't a problem, the cashier just hands it back. I get to the id usually there isn't a problem the cashier just hands it back i get to the register i put my things in the cashier gives me the side eye and the following conversation ensues aren't you too young to be buying wine i get that a lot i'm 21 i hand my id to kevin good try but this is fake excuse me this is a fake id you're not gonna fool

me i bet the bleach is for you just to get high i guess it did come into play uh why would you think this is fake and how am i gonna get high. I guess it did come into play. Why would you think this is fake, and how am I going to get high with bleach? Because February just has 28 days, and this says February 29th. I'm not stupid. What? Now get out before I call the security guard. Excuse me, but February has 29 days every four years. I need my ID back.

No, I'm destroying this. Now get out. What? Excuse me, I need my ID. No, I'm going to cut it. Now go away. This is staff only. She raised.

Another woman in a different uniform shows up. What's happening here? Kevin, what are you doing? This kid is trying to buy alcohol and things to get high with. Fake ID. It's not fake. Please give it back. Get me some scissors so I can snap it.

Kevin, February 29th is real. It's a leap year. Okay. No, leap years are a myth from Greece Before the church took over They aren't real I'm so sorry I'll have a stern talking with him

Let me get back to you I mean, this is the dumbest Am I the asshole of all time On what fucking planet I guess ancient Greece maybe Well, I guess So then She signed this paper fucking planet. Would you be the asshole? I guess ancient Greece maybe would be the asshole? Well, I guess... So, then she signed this paper

stating what Kevin has done. So, she could have just got her ID back and bounced. Like, she signed some formal thing. Nope, fire that motherfucker. Yeah, I agree. Absolutely. I agree. Fire that motherfucker. That's the debate, though. Should she have just left? Nope. Fire. That guy is so stupid. There are plenty of times that it is... You know, like, yeah, that person fucked up.

Like, 99.99999% of the times, who gives a shit, whatever. Fuck that guy. Don't just fire him. Fucking go to his house, talk to the people who... Kill him. No, I'd rather have him live destitute until he kills himself in May. Sure. I'd rather, like, get him evicted.

It's gonna be May. Get him evicted. Get his line of credit taken away from in May. Sure. I'd rather, like, get him evicted. It's gonna be May. Get him evicted. Get his line of credit taken away from a bank. Yeah. Make sure his kids don't respect him. Yeah, no, they don't. They definitely don't. Like, this is your dad, Kevin.

He's the dumbest fucking person. Oh, his name's Kevin. Yeah. Yeah, we definitely gotta get rid of him. We gotta weed out the bad Kevins. Me and the Backstreet Boy Kevin, we're gonna go kill all the other bad Kevins. I like that guy.

The problem is not just that he's stupid if he just thought that like there was no such thing as february 29th but he knows and says no no this was a thing invented by like the church or whatever so now you're just being an asshole with weird like beliefs that you're putting on me you know what i mean could i make make a fucking... What's it called? Devil's Advocate? Nope. Admission. Nope. Fuck.

Admission? Admission. Well, you're dumb today. Yeah, it's going to get worse. I agreed with Kevin at the start of this story because I was like, there aren't 29 days left. Well, being born on February 29th

I think is cool Until you realize How many dumb Like jokes You have to deal with The rest of your life No I just thought What are you only like

7 years old I knew leap day was a thing I I thought they were 27 And 28 Oh no you're really dumb No that means you're really stupid That means you're

I don't give a fuck How many days are in months I could That's a pretty basic Piece of information Okay August Month I was born No clue how many days are in months. That's a pretty basic piece of information. August, the month I was born in. No clue how many days.

And then people go, don't you know? 30 days has September, April, June. You can just say that for all the months and make them rhyme. August, June. 30 days has September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31. I don't know. As long as you say ember at the end of the one fucking line, it all rhymes.

Name a month. Pick a month. I can't tell you how many days are in it. Wait, let's do the thing. 30 one fucking line. It all rhymes. I have, there is, name a month. Pick a month. I can't tell you how many days are in it. Wait, what's, okay, let's do the thing. 30 days has September. I'm going to say half. I'm going to say half. Yeah.

You fancy, huh? 30 days has September. I'm going to say April, June, and November. That's what I'm going to say. Ah, 30 days has, I'm right on that. Yeah, okay. I had Jackie teach me this like a month ago. Yeah, I don't know this fucking shit. And I still don't know it this fucking shit 30 days half September I'm going to say April June and November

Are my three guesses 30 days half September April May and September Yeah that's what I mean I just know it's November Wait so I'm not dumb I'm right What? No one knows how many days or how many months Well I do

But I do know February That's the weird one i knew it was a weird one i was off on the date i thought 27 to 28 now 28 to 19 30 days has to be april june and november so i was right accepting february alone and that's that has 28 days clear what is happening right now what am i yeah that's you just had a stroke well no and that had accepting february alone and that has the 28 days clear and 29 in each sleep year. I mean, I'm reading.

I know, John. You said I had a stroke. I was just reading the words. Is that how the whole thing goes? Yeah. Accepting February alone. Wait, how does that stay with 30 days past September, April, June, and November? All the rest have 31.

Accepting February alone? Yeah, it doesn't rhyme. It's stupid. And that has 28 days clear? It's past September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31, excepting February alone. Yeah, it doesn't rhyme. It's stupid. And that has 28 days clear. That's why everyone just stops at 31. Okay. I don't think I've ever heard past this. Yeah, no.

That's like the second half of the anthem where they talk about all the slavery and shit. Like, we're just going to skip that part. That part's fucking crazy. Stop at the bombs bursting in the air. Yeah, we're good. We're good. Oh, my God.

That shit gets pretty fucking loose. I'm out of that. We just go play ball. Shoot the fireworks and fucking throw the pitch. Let's go. Oh, man. Would I be the asshole for telling my siblings about their true paternity and taking everything out of my dad's will?

38 years old, I've been in North Carolina with my dad and two younger siblings for many years. My dad always treated me like crap because he was convinced that my mom cheated on him because she did a lot and trapped him into a shitty marriage and that I was not biologically his. For my 13th birthday, my dad brought me a paternity test, She did a lot and trapped him into a shitty marriage and that I was not biologically his. For my 13th birthday, my dad brought me a paternity test. And even though the test results came back that I am indeed his, he accused me or my mother of sleeping with the test guy.

I have also done an ancestry DNA test and also matched with all his relatives. So I'm pretty sure that unfortunately he is my biological dad. I have known for a long time that my younger sister was not my dad's. When I did the Ancestry DNA test, my sister wanted to get one too. My mom freaked out, admitted her indiscretion, begged me to convince my sister that it was a waste of money and that she could just have a copy of my results. I did because I thought I was protecting her. I recently got a notification about the Ancestry DNA match.

I looked it up, and it looks like my brother's ex-wife got one of the kits for my brother's kids. And lo and behold, my brother's kids only seem to share the relatives with my mom's side. My brother and sister have been really shitty to me for years. Comments about how I owed their dad for him putting a roof over my head. How dare I accept their terms from their grandfather's estate. So would I be the asshole if I did not tell my siblings and just let this play all out at the will reading? Take everything and kick them out of the family home

wow that's heavy that ended like that was like fucking kevin on february 29th he was surprised by that that was i mean whoa i i was like following along like yeah i'll be honest i did get a little lost there for a minute um but the my dad made sure it just ended with it just ended at knives out yeah i skipped over a little bit but like it doesn't really i was picturing like a pretty shitty kind of white trash family and and then the last sentence, it was taking place at the, uh, I can't think of his name, but the estate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The estate in Massachusetts. I think if you got a bunch of assholes in your family who have been treating you like shit for years, and you want to just have the ultimate revenge, but you're gonna be, you're an asshole. Well, you're an asshole if you even consider buying Ancestry.com. The people who are willingly giving their DNA

to the database of the world? It's not even that. Yes, that's absolutely insane. You're getting framed for murder. Bar none lunacy. Best case scenario, you find out you have a gluten allergy.

You're just like, oh, you have a family history of a gluten allergy. Worst case scenario, you find out your fucking uncle's a rapist. Worst case scenario, you find out your mom was fucking getting plugged by everyone and you all get nothing at the will. Or yeah, the main worst case scenario is that you no longer get to inherit anything. Yeah. It is. That's crazy.

There is literally, like, literal no upside. I mean, my aunt found her birth mom. That was kind of cool. Why? Because she was adopted. She was curious. Yeah, but, like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that was a pretty cool upside.

I don't know. I mean, you got to come with something stronger than find your mother. To outweigh everything else. If you were adopted, would you go for your birth parents? Probably not. But also, I don't know, it could be cool. She was just trying to figure out what her heritage was, and they were like, hey, we got a match in Boston,

and it's very, very similar. It's most likely your mother, and then she was able to reach out. So if you do what they tell you, you get your results back, and they'll also be like, by the way, there's this random person that you probably don't know. If somebody else has done the test that is somehow related to you, and it tells you, we have a match that's like they say how close the family is and ask you do you want to know right and then they like connect you with the person kind of wild i'm telling you man that that one um that

one date line i saw where they were they pinned some guy down for for a fucking murder because they were picking up cigarette butts and testing DNA and matching it all with all these motherfuckers who gave out their DNA. If anyone in my family gets Ancestry 21 done, no longer in my family. You are cut out of the trust. My dad did do it, and we're Asian.

Everyone's Asian. Everyone's everything. That means I get to make all the jokes I want. What's Brian Cranston in Seinfeld? An anti-dentite? No, he converts to Judaism so he can make the Jewish jokes. Yes.

Am I the asshole for lashing out at my husband for suggesting I stop buying formula instead of canceling his streaming services to save money? Female 32, I'm the breadwinner. I have a toddler and a nine-month-old baby. Their needs are never-ending, and everything I buy is expensive. My husband, 37, is unemployed but uses part of my salary for his subscription

and paid streaming services, which costs about $80 a month. Hulu, Netflix, HBO, Amazon, ESPN Plus, and more. I keep finding myself coming up short with money. I keep neglecting buying hygiene products and only have one pair of shoes that look decent. I can't remember the last time I bought anything nice for myself and keep feeling guilty just thinking of going shopping for stuff that's necessary. I sat him down for a discussion and told him that his subscriptions are taking money and I can't keep paying for them when I have other responsibilities. I asked him to choose one channel and he threw a fit, calling me ridiculous to think streaming services are the reason I'm always short on money and blamed it on all the expensive and unnecessary makeup he calls fake up.

He's... Got her! Nailed her! I got angry and said that he needed to respect that makeup as part of my personality and I won't quit buying it and wearing it. Wait, she said her makeup's part of her personality? Well, guess what's part of my personality and i won't quit buying it and wearing it wait she said her makeup is part of her personality guess what's part of my personality bitch netflix hbo max i use that all the time he said that i was trying to financially control him since i got offended and he pointed out that it was a waste of money on makeup um yabba yabba yabba final straw was when he suggested i stopped buying formula and go back to breastfeeding since that's unnecessary and expensive.

Hell yeah. Why don't you let that baby just suck that titty dry? I was floored and was seething. I lashed out asking him if he literally thought canceling formula is better than his precious subscriptions. Also, I got to work. I have no time to breastfeed. He just said he doesn't know what it is anymore and that I was pushing him. But I told him he no longer has the choice and I'll just stop paying for his channel subscriptions altogether,

which had him reply that I was being unfair and unappreciative of his efforts. Yo, I mean, this bitch has got to fucking start breastfeeding, man. I don't understand. Pick your makeup. Makeup or fucking milk. One or the other. I'm not kidding. Fake up, you mean? You mean fake up, Kevin?up Or fucking milk One or the other I'm not kidding Fake up you mean You mean fake up Kevin

You want the fake up Or the formula How loud is this Into the microphone Yeah this is gonna be The worst podcast experience Pretty obnoxious Yeah

Pretty obnoxious Just pretty Better than I thought It was gonna be People know what it is It's gonna be pretty cool Listen Fake Fake up Or fake milk Those are the two things here It's going to be pretty cool. Listen, fake up or fake milk?

Those are the two things here. I think it's... Your tits make milk for free. I can't get my free TV. If I could get Netflix for free, I would do it. If I had tits that projected Netflix, I would do it. That's a good invention. There's an invention. How old was this baby?

A newborn and a nine-month-old. A newborn and a nine-month-old? You got milk in those titties. Full. Fucking full. Plenty of milk left in those titties. Give me a break. All you got to do is squirt milk into the baby's mouth.

And then we get... Honestly, what's more important? Look, look, look. Here's the deal. The baby needs to drink some sort of milk, right? You got to have your makeup. I got to watch TV. The baby's got to drink milk.

There's only one of those things that naturally occurs, the milk. And also there's only one other thing that people in regular life are going to want to talk to you about. No one wants to talk about your breasts. Breastfeeding. I was going to say Netflix, not the baby. Oh. I don't want to talk about your baby. They want to hear you're watching Dope Sick.

Yes, exactly. Listen, you can't be ugly. You can't be uninformed about entertainment. Your baby can drink your tits. It's IRS My case your honor Now I didn't watch it anymore So

Bottom line Fake up Or formula It's your fucking choice bitch Because I Gotta get these fucking Takes off on television What am I supposed to do

I gotta watch Squid Game What am I supposed to do all day I don't have a job. I'm unemployed, god damn it. You want me to start reading a book all day? That's crazy town. I need fucking streaming services. Otherwise, I'll get so bored, I'll die.

And then what happens? Yeah, like that baby's only a few months. Fucking who cares? Come on. I've made connections in my life. I can't die. Squid Game, man. Come on. I've got people who know me. I can't die. It's a good game, man. Come on.

I've got people who know me. I've got people who are looking for me. That baby doesn't know anybody. Video voicemails today are brought to you by Lightboxer. It's the new at-home boxing fitness experience. It's like an at-home equivalent of Guitar Hero or Rock Band or DDR, Dance Dance Revolution, except you're fucking throwing those hands. I'm a hands thrower.

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Some little fucking kid put up 30,000. I'm calling bullshit. All I'm calling bullshit, I think that was him and all his little friends being like, you take the top, I'll take the bottom, you take the left, I take the right. Four kids out there. So anyway, I played Lightboxer at Legoland, and I had a fucking great time, so you can do this at home, and

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That's lightboxer.com, L-I-T-E, boxer.com. Get $400 off any Lightboxer. Milk, L-I-T-E, boxer.com. Get $400 off any Lifeboxer. Milk Girl. Milk Girl. Hey, guys, so I just submitted an e-com paper, and my professor just sent it back with revisions, and she said that she thinks that I meant to say the San Francisco Federal Reserve instead of the San Francisco Armory.

And now I feel like I need to drop the class, and I can never look at this lady ever again. So I was wondering if there was ever a time when you embarrassed yourself so bad that you can't even be in the same room as someone else. Yeah. That's shout out. That's Hannah? Hannah. Hannah the milk girl. Sorry that we

smashed you. I didn't know where everyone had gone. As soon as she said San Francisco I knew exactly. I thought conk happened. I thought it was going to be about the 49ers or something like that. No, this chick meant to say that San Francisco, what? Federal Reserve, she said? She's writing a paper about economics.

She just finished up at kink.com. Now, what's the number of people we think? That know that? That know the San Francisco Army. I mean, it's low. It's low, but I think the percentage of KFC radio listeners is high. Oh, the KFC radio listeners is 100%. Like 80%, yeah.

But the people who are just like, oh, you mean like they don't think anything of that. That's just. Oh, I think, yeah, the amount of people who don't know the San Francisco Army, it's like 99% of the world. It's so ridiculous. This was my favorite. Did you see this? This happened like a couple weeks ago. This picture uh the packers stadium lambo that's lambo at night basically if you take a picture of a building on the corner at nighttime it looks like i've said that with

new girl because new girl they're always showing the outside of the apartment complex i'm always like whoa someone's getting dicked down while suspended. It's got to be only like five or six stories tall. It's got to be like a little bit nighttime because the lights have to be shiny. Got to be on the corner. And then it's the kink.com fucking castle. A long time ago, the same kid who showed me The porn in the woods He was

He was like a nerdy kid You know I'm a nerdy I'm a nerdy kid I'm into this nerd shit We went to One of those stores in the mall I don't even know what it was It was like a nerd store

That was selling like Lord of the Rings type shit Okay stay with me here So they're selling like Little like Knights And dragons And shit right

And they were God you're such a loser And they were Well actually he was a loser and i was just trying to like chameleon bro you were going with your porn friend to the lord of the rings store i think you're a fucking loser dude he was the porn hookup he was the porn plug i wasn't gonna let this guy go me and my porn power had in the lord of the rings i don't even know what kind of store it was. Was it GameWorks? Probably, I guess. Is that what it is?

I fucking quit this fucking show. So I said, I was supposed to say pewter because it was like silver. It was called like pewter or some shit. And I said pubic. And the guy was like, what? And I was like, I need like, because he had to like open up the case. And I was like, I need one of these like pubic things. And he was like, what?

And my friend had to jump in and be like, pewter. He must want the pewter thing. It was like a knife. I was buying a fucking little dagger. And I was like, can I get that pubic knife? And the guy was like, what? And I was like 12 years old talking about pubic knife. It was tough.

It was a tough look. Yeah, I got a story where I was so embarrassed I couldn't talk to somebody anymore. Kevin just told a story about buying a pewter knife at a Lord of the Rings store With his porn friend Now I can't be around him I don't really have anything I have like the

Fucking I've told this story before where I have like a Fucking What do you call it I did it with like Fucking, what do you call it? I did it with like someone. By the way, it's preposterous that both of us would be like, I can't think of an embarrassing story I've ever told.

Well, that's the thing. Like they're all like, it's just, it's like my wife's fucked 50 other guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have the one to go after. I don't know. What is the one? What's the one most embarrassing thing you told on the podcast you wish you'd have back? St. Lawrence? New Orleans? No no i'm not embarrassed about that like there are times honestly i'm i'm definitely i'm definitely not in bed if it's funny i'm not embarrassed right

that's almost the thing it's like is there one out there so i don't i don't that's not even that funny that uh now yeah anything like anything that I'm genuinely embarrassed about, I won't remember. Right. Because I suppressed it. Like, there really isn't anything. Any of my, like, embarrassing – Oh, I have a million stories that a regular person would be like, Jesus Christ, I never told that.

Yeah. But, like, that's not embarrassing to me. It's a funny story. Well, this also is probably not embarrassing because this professor has no idea what the – You know, if they know – If you were like, oh, my God, I said San Francisco Armory because it looks like a castle that I watch all these fucking hardcore porn videos in. Then it's a problem. But I don't know.

She probably the teacher was probably like, you meant to say, you know, Armory and the other thing are fine to mix up. Honestly, I think like, OK, one day soon enough, we're going to go from – we've gone from podcast to lifestyle. One day we're just going to become like Project Mayhem, right? Yeah. It's just going to be like a cult. And our, like, code word, our password is San Francisco Armory. Okay.

Like, the ones in the know, they know what that means. You know what I mean? So we'll be like, psst. Like, open up the little slit of the door the chicken heads know uh but yeah she's in the clear she doesn't have to drop this this class i did the i the one i've told before where i was like i i still this haunts me this isn't embarrassing this isn't funny i mean it is embarrassing i genuinely do not know where this came from where it was like the is like a freshman in high school someone asked how to spell a teacher's name and he's like a big fat guy and I just like I just like blurted out FAT

yeah and that's before you and like it like this haunting that's not funny that's just me like that's not me as a person yeah I'm what you were but like I really was I really like it because it's like in the moment I was what the fuck was that why would you do that it was wrong with were a bully. I really was. You were a bully. I really was. You were really a bully. Because in the moment, I was like, what the fuck was that? Why would you do that? What's wrong with you? And that is probably the only way I've ever, like, I know I wasn't a bully because that sticks with me really. Like, I go to bed and I'm thinking about that.

Yeah. There was no reason for me to do that. It was just such a departure of who I am. Yeah, I don't have any of those stories because I wasn't a bully. And that is sort of the most embarrassing. Like, I was horrified. He was like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And I was embarrassed to go to that class for like a couple of years.

Yeah, I would drop if I could have. Yeah, I was in high school. Yeah, that's like never show your face again. Get out the transfer papers. But San Francisco Army, you're in the clear. All right, before we get to our final voicemails here, we got the rude boy. And we're about to do something that I believe is

irresponsible. Because you are already ugly. And you can do reckless things to your appearance. You laughed too hard at that. I don't appreciate that. You don't care about your appearance. Yeah, you don't care. Rudy, different story.

Rudy's a good looking guy, young dude. You know, I would imagine out there trying to attract people to have sex with them. You do none of these things. Guilty. You do none of these things, so you can walk around with a fucking head full of orange hair. Yeah. You can walk around licking your mustache. Guess what?

Head full of orange hair. I'm taking the game to a 2021 level. Oh, okay. Yeah, you got fucking. You got Peacock out here. Mysterious hat. What's it called? Mystery.

Mystery. You have fucking fancy hats and stuff. Yeah. Now I'm Peacocking. Yeah. I like that. Peacocking. Well, Rudy already Peacocks his Puka shells.

Oh, what do we got today? What is this? Oh, yeah. No, this is my. This is the new shit? The chokers, yeah. People, they're very divisive. So you got chokers.

We got the Puka shell bracelet. Yeah. That is. Yeah. And then what's this bracelet? Cartier. Oh, damn um and so you want to do sun in well yeah i kind of dug my own grave because i well you've done the frost tips i did the frost tips which which took a really bad turn out of the gate i I know everyone. I did sort of school Grinnell. I kind of took him for a ride on that bet for sure.

Yeah, when you were like, loser has to look awesome. So now I've done a 180. He can put all the sun in he wants. I might take the spray off and just pour it. But this is, I mean, the chemical reaction from the frosted tips off rip were good. And then it took a dark turn to orange. And then I got it recolored. And then it became something real pretty and real good. And then was that huh i don't remember like that part of it what

happened there it so i got the dark i had i had uh alana and ellie do it for me right with like over-the-counter products which no one recommends and that turned it dangerously orange and gross and then after that i was like oh i got to get it colored black to or back to brown and i went to professionals like just put it back to brown and they were like that isn't how yeah yeah it's like we can make it a different shade blonde i said okay let's do that and then that was really nice that had some nice color to it but over the course of time they change into these weird colors that you can't really predict this i think is much more dangerous because these are chemicals that are this is like whatever the step below over the counter is this is like something different yeah this is this is back out pass

it over this is this is a fucking it's also not this is a fucking coat hanging behind a dumpster yeah but i dug my own grave because i told fights the other day i was like dude your hair like actually looks really good it looks nice and blonde i'm jealous i want to color my hair again because i get my hair is getting darker the older i get and i hate it so i day, I was like, dude, your hair actually looks really good. It looks nice and blonde. I'm jealous. I want to color my hair again. Because my hair is just getting darker the older I get, and I hate it. So I told him, I was like, oh, it looks good. And he's like, all right, well, let's do you. And then he walked in the next day with sun in it.

And I was like, all right, well, I can't really back down now. Well, here's the thing, though. A couple things. First of all, you did see him over the summer, right? Yes. Listen, there's no way to put this. This is a huge roll of the dice. Also, because...

Also, it's the winter. It's a... I'm taking a huge gamble. That's how you fucking separate yourself. That's how the real assholes... That's how the fucking real ones do it. You show up with bleach blonde hair in fucking December. You show up to Thanksgiving with bleach blonde hair.

It's a statement. That's how everyone knows what's cracking. Okay, so let's just hit you with this. We gotta get... You sit here. What I forgot is that gotta get you sit here what I forgot is supposed to be a little damp okay so I'm gonna go for a second round myself okay John I mean I think you're supposed to be like John was like the other thing too is okay the other thing I heard was that you're not supposed to if you have dark hair you don't recommend this, so we're being-

I was gonna say, I- Anyone else wanna hit? Pavs? I did this before- right before the day of prom, and my shit turned so orange. Fuck! Pavs, hop on the ones and twos. I'll take a hit. Thank you.

What's gonna end up happening is I'm gonna have to get it recolored again. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's right. So, you're gonna hit on the thing a little bit? Yeah! Nicky ha Yeah. Yeah. So, you gonna handle the little heads? Yeah. The little heads? Here you go,

you wanna fuck? Now I'm feeling left out. Yeah. I am already a joke at, like, school and around the neighborhood and in my life.

I will not be the fucking dad with bleached hair sunning. Sit down. So the name sunning, though, isn't that kind of misleading? isn't it heat that I?

Guess the sun is hot. I'm doing a couple spritzes you How much you want me to do just just go okay go baby? It might have been a lot Are those two different colors? We don't know. That might have been reckless. This whole thing's reckless? That might have been a bad idea. This is a science experiment for sure.

Yeah. So now, am I blonde? If I can just speak up for the older people in the crowd right now, the guys who are like late 20s, early 30s, or even if you're younger and you're experiencing like some hair loss, like fuck you guys. That's what this is. This is just like a double middle finger to Mother Nature being like,

sure, I will put harsh chemicals into my very precious and fragile hair. It's not good for you. And so for everyone out there who's trying to do everything possible to hold on to their hair while you guys are loading it up and then blasting it with heat,

I just gotta say fuck you on their behalf because they're probably so annoyed with people like you. Is that it? How are you feeling, Rude Boy? Now it's got to wait. I think, like, are we supposed to wash this out at some point? No, no, I never did.

It looked great on me. God, I hope this turns out. It seems no. It seems no. Just comb evenly, blow dry. This is before using tests on one strand of hair. Oh, we've got to do my beard, too. That's a bad idea.

Now, do you have to reapply it? I'd give it a whack tomorrow. Okay. Let's make sure we get that back. That bottom, you know? I got my mom is coming in this weekend. This is going to be fun. To everybody who wants to do good things to their hair,

go to Fleischman Salon. Use the promo code KFC to get all the good products. No one tell Erica about this. Yeah, Erica's gonna be furious. She made me swear I'd never do it again. Well, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna narc on you right now. Alright, let's do these last voicemails while we got

Rudy here. If I said to you... We'll probably have to cut that a little bit. If I said to you the San Francisco Armory, do you know what that means? If I said to you... We'll probably have to cut that a little bit. If I said to you, um... The San Francisco Armory. Do you know what that means? No. Is that with Alcatraz? You're just a prude little bitch.

Prude? What does that mean with that? If I showed you that, do you know what that means? Thank you. Oh, I thought that was a Call of Duty map. I've seen a picture of that, but I always thought it was a Call of Duty map. I've seen that picture of that, but I always thought it was a Call of Duty map. I've seen that picture, but I don't know what it is. It's the kink.com castle.

Kink? Oh, like sex? Yeah, you know kink.com. There's always a girl tied up in the basement and shit. You would know kink.com if you saw it. Armie Hammer loves the armory. Oh, you can go straight or gay when you go to kink.com? Yeah.

You know what? I'm feeling saucy tonight. Wouldn't that be kind of... Oh, my God. This is the straight porn. Wait. Is it a club or what is it? It's where...

What? What is wrong with you? Have you never seen kink.com? No, I've never heard of that. It's like BDSM porn. Yeah, like... But, like, a lot of famous porn. It's not, like, underground shit.

Where do you watch porn at? The regular channels. The regular ways. Reddit. Oh, you're a Reddit guy. Fucking you and Frankie Barone. Dude, it used to be Tumblr back in the day. What are you, a fucking 18-year-old girl?

How about the categories on your tank? I just colored my hair. I wear bracelets and rings. I'm basically an 18-year-old girl. Anal BDSM bondage. Corporal punishment, domination, humiliation, lesbian role play, strap-on, submission. Those are the only categories in the tank. Gang.

Fucking gang. I mean, that's cool. It's just a website. Yes. But they always- Why the picture then? So they always start out. They're like-

Inside the- It's like a B-roll, and they show that armory. It's called the San Francisco Armory. And they bought it. It is where it's shot. That's the other side of where it's actually shot. So our crew. You can actually rent it right now.

Yeah. Yeah. We got to do a live show from there. Yeah. Is that possible? It's got to have an open space. I'm sure. Imagine the swag you get to wear.

I see, and that, as we know, is not okay. She said, what's going on? I said, sun in. She said, I see, and see and that as we know is not okay She said what's going on I said sun in I see and that as we know is not okay Why does she have a problem with sun in It's just horrible for your hair Sorry Erica When it falls out you'll have nobody but blame it yourself

Alright let's do our last couple voicemails With the rude boy What up KFC Jackie, Paz, Nick. Zach. Josh. This is like the 10th time I try to record this because I keep laughing. I am watching the episode where the woman peed on stage and fights snot. And I wanted to see that happen. I just wanted to see it happen in, like, real time. So I replayed it

about six times. I kept missing it. I was doing the dishes. I kept missing it. And I realized my windows are open. Like, I can hear... I live in an apartment complex. I can hear my neighbors having a conversation right now. So about six times they heard

I'd say, looks like she's got a big dry cum in her urethra because that was the last thing he said right before before the snot looks like a bitch got a dry cum in her urethra so anyway my question is

what do you think the weirdest thing your neighbors have witnessed probably not even the weirdest thing your neighbors have witnessed? Great question. It's probably not even the weirdest thing they've seen from me, but, like, it's up there. That's embarrassing. Do you know what she's talking about? The girl pissing on the guy's head on stage? I saw it. That shit was so cool.

Your thoughts, yeah? I thought that was lit, man. So fucking metal, dude. Rock and roll. I thought, yeah. Bro, that gave me a piss fetish. I was like, that's fucking hot. Yeah.

Also, piss is hot in the streets right now. There's a lot of pee videos I'm born of. Yeah. I saw a guy pee in a girl. It's not my bag, but. And it blew up. Like he peed in her. And then she blew up.

She imploded. Yeah, that's kind of hard. It's like a shortcut. I remember I saw a porn in freshman year of college where a guy shook up a champagne bottle and put it inside. And she was like. What? Spicy, bubbly. And it's kind of the same thing with me.

That's got to do so bad. It's basically piss going into you. I think, yeah, right. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, no, that's got to be bad for the pH levels. Yeah, your levels are all off, right? Way off. I've definitely seen some videos, seen some things.

I don't get too grossed out by it. I don't think I could ever pull the trigger and do it. Even if it was like a chick wanted it. I always say in the heat of the moment, I'll do anything. We could pull out a Dexter room and have it all ready. I think when it comes time, I would be like, this is just going to be a mess. And when I get my moment of clarity and my post-nut clarity, and this is the scene, I'm going to be really upset. Bro, if someone really wanted me to pee on them, I could pee on them.

No problem. I don't think I could. I've peed on people before. It's not in their fate. That's what I mean. It's fun. I've peed on my boys before all the time. I've done it.

I have. On the leg? Yeah, on the leg. Yeah, he does the leg too. I just feel like you know if you you don't piss on your boys dog I guess

I don't do sun in I don't pee on my friends I'm a loser here I feel like I gotta you know like when a chick's like on her knees like go ahead do it and when

when they like fill up their mouth like it's a water fountain I'm just like I I think I would throw the flag yeah it's a lot yeah

it's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. I need 20. But if a super hot chick in the moment, if you're having some kinky sex, she's like, do it. I mean, I probably will. Oh, this is with a bone? That's tough, right? I don't know if I'm doing piss bones.

That's a great. Dude, it is. Well, you got to have a bladder on deck. Childbirth is tough. Peeing with a boner is like landing on the moon. It's so hard. You've seen that shit in Apollo 13? Peeing with a boner is like landing on the moon. They try to line up the lunar module with the other thing.

That is fucking. Well, when you got it, I mean, I don't know what you guys are talking about. I get what you mean, but if I have to really pee and I have a boner, I'll fucking pee. Oh, I'll just drink off first. No, I'll pee first. Once again. You pee, then cum? Oh, I cum and pee.

So let's say I'm sitting on the couch and we're getting handsy. You better pee after? Yeah, it's healthier. You're going to flush it all out. Yeah, it's healthier. You know that? By that, you mean to get your own cum out of you? I thought that was something else.

No, physicians recommend that you urinate after sex. No, no, no, that's not about cum getting out of you. That's about bacteria getting out of you. Yeah, women especially are supposed to do it. Well, women I knew. Men I knew. It's way less likely, but you can get bacteria up in your pee hole. Oh, bro, I'll fucking leave a load in my dick for life.

To each his own. I clean my pipes. Yeah, I'll fucking fire off. I won't scrape the walls clean for a while. I keep this house tidy. Yeah, you can see mine. Inside my dick's like that. Damn, bitch, you live like this meme?

Yeah. It's like Jordan Peterson. It says, make your bed every morning and make sure you pee after you have sex. Little chores. Jordan Peterson? Yeah. He's the guy who's always like, well, like, if you have to, like, you know. Philosopher.

Yeah, men these days. Oh, so he's the guy who killed his wife. No. No, that's that's I see what you're trying to do there no no no that's Scott Peterson

who did not kill his wife okay that's genuinely who I thought you were talking about I thought you were taking lessons from Scott Peterson no but

you mean that innocent guy yeah Scott Peterson I there was a little bit of a fuckery with you there I I'll pee and then because I don't want to I don't want to have sex and not enjoy the sex because I'm thinking about peeing.

So I pee first. Right. And then sometimes I'll just go in the shower. I always think that your body is confused. Oh, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about waking up in Morningwood. I fire when I've been peeing. Yeah, that makes sense.

Oh, I'm not talking about intercourse. Yeah. The order of operations goes out the window in the morning you get fuck women pretty gay yeah yeah it is but i think i think the peeing on stage thing like that's not like a foreign concept who's there's this dude who used to be called the beast i can't remember his name that's like gg allen gg allen he used to hurl feces he used to shit shit it in his hands, throw it in the crowd, and then if it hit you, he would just go punch you.

What are you talking about? Yeah, man. Gigi Allen. Like fucking rock and roll, bro. Rock and roll. He's like the most punk. Like from the 70s. Yeah, the most punk dude of all time.

He made Ozzy Osbourne shit look like. Did you guys see the follow-up video of this one where the dude that got pissed on scooped it up and threw it into the crowd? No, I didn't see the follow-up. Oh, yeah. Where's that? I can't believe it. It's in that thread.

If you're doing it, you got to make a movie out of it. You know what I mean? Wait, so this dude would throw shit at you? Yes. And if he hit you with his shit, he'd beat you up? If you were fortunate enough

to get you hit with his shit, he'd have to take you down a level and kick your ass? Dude, he would club people with microphones. And I think people were like, fuck yeah hit with his shit, he'd have to take you down a level and kick your ass. Dude, he would club people with microphones. And I think people were like, fuck yeah, man. Oh, yeah. Piss and beat me up, dude. What?

The 70s were dope, man. This makes Astroworld look like Disneyland. Seriously. I mean, this dude was twisted. Oh, my God. He was born Jesus Christ Allen Was his name So you really were

Setting this guy up for failure This guy's a ledge 16 gruesome things You might not know about Gigi Allen Here we go 16 things He performed naked

All the time Or just like occasionally Number one His real name is Jesus Christ His friends will call him Gigi It's like J-E-J-E So then his name became Gigi Allen Number two Allen's controversialE-J-E. So then his name became Gigi Allen.

Number two, Allen's controversial stage act included such low-key practices as coprophobia, the fecal matter, and self-mutilation. Three, his band was called... Is that him and DT? What? Wow. His face is mangled, bro. Allen introduced his famed...

How did that not come out the last four years? Poop-punk. Wow. Poop- introduced his famed poop punk stage movement. When in 1985 in Peoria, Illinois, he literally and deliberately shat himself on stage. There was a near riot as people tried to get away from the stench. Alan always claimed he was the last true rock and roller. In 1989, Alan said he would commit suicide on stage on Halloween that year, but he was in jail so he couldn't carry out that threat.

Look at the name of this thing! Freaks, faggots, drunks, and junkies. Jesus! That's America right there. That's America in the 70s, right? He was a wild dude. Imagine being this guy's daughter. Jesus. That's America right there. That's America in the 70s, right? Yeah. He was a wild dude. Imagine being this guy's daughter.

He was a wild, wild dude. Alan was arrested 52 times and claimed he had raped both men and women on stage before. He raped them on stage or he was on stage claiming he had raped people before? I think raping on stage. Alan died's a heroin overdose no surprise there he was buried with a bottle of Jim Beam and yeah I mean that is I you know I might give it to this guy he might be the last three rock star who was after him no he's thought well yeah he's the last how do

you follow up an act yeah like honestly he sounds a more hardcore than like Ozzy Osbourne and all that shit. Fucking A, man. You're shitting your pants on stage and doing that. I look up to Gigi Allen now. Jesus Christ, Allen. This is a Gigi Allen fan. He's got a jockstrap on him.

That's all we talk about from now on. Gigi Allen? Yeah. Every day we come up with a new Gigi Allen story. These guys, man. I know you went mosh pitting not too long ago, but this lifestyle right here,

I can't think of anything less that I want to do than this. I don't know. It could be cool. No. It could be pretty cool. I'd be petrified. If you asked me, would I rather do this or go mountain like, mountain climbing

on Mount Everest, I think I would dig Mount Everest. This is awful. Why is it so bad? Survival rate's probably the same. Why is it so bad?

Yeah. Me and a bunch of, like, suicidal, homicidal, crazy, like, maniac, loser, white guys

who want to fucking shit on me and piss on me and bleed on me and fight me. No, thank you. Every night? No, it doesn't look fun. But, like, I'd give this a whack for sure. This is Nick Hamilton's life.

Like, Hammy's not even surprised by this. Hammy's like, yeah, I used to rock like that. I mean, I saw somebody stab themselves in the penis. I wouldn't get shit on that. What? That was on stage. That was that, you know, that was, that was, that was, that was the box. My guy's on stage. Dirty Circus. Yeah. Rudy, you gotta go to the Dirty Circus. The Dirty Circus does sound cool

or the box you know what I'm talking about the performance art places I've heard about this fucking shit yeah crazy shit like that so anyway

oh yeah anyway so what's the craziest thing your neighbors heard yeah me talking about Gigi fucking Punk for what is his name

Gigi Allen for a while right now me and my downstairs neighbors are like 80 years old and they fight a lot about Gigi fucking Punk for, what is his name, Gigi Allen for a while? Right now, me and my downstairs neighbors are like 80 years old and they fight a lot and I hear them scream and yell a lot and there was a time

when I was in a extremely toxic relationship where there was just like, we were just like, who can fight the loudest, the downstairs neighbors and the upstairs neighbors. Like, I mean,

screaming, right? I'd be like, what am I doing? What is happening right here? And then like, but then the next night I would hear them be like, you left the fucking laundry in the dryer again or whatever.

These little things that are like 80-year-old people just want to kill each other over. See, I actually as a pro of living in cities is that I don't publicly fight. So even in my home if there's an apartment complex, there's a chance I'm going to hit me. I'm not doing it.

You're right. You're a smart man. I saw that, by the way, I do have to just call this bitch out because I hate her. The barstool um barstool birds. So that's barstool Louisville? No, Illinois State.

Some chick at Illinois State, they posted a video of her on Instagram. She's shit-faced. They're outside of a bar. She, like, stumbles over to her boyfriend. She does these, like, lazy haymakers, just clocking him in the head, and he's blocking him. She's just wailing on his face. And everyone's just like, ha, ha, ha, LOL.

And they posted it on Instagram, and it got taken down because of, like, violence. And they posted it on Instagram and it got taken down because of like violence and they posted it on Twitter and I retweeted it being like not to get all serious because I know this is just like a dumb drunk college video but like if you're ever one of these guys fucking cut that shit if you fight in public one

time in a college relationship or any relationship but certainly in college you're done it's over it's crazy to be the people in public screaming and yelling and letting your girlfriend punch you in the face and then uh the girl dm'd the account and was like please take that down now the video this now please that's me i did not give you permission to post this please fucking delete that i did not know that video was taken i have no idea who sent that in for the love of god please hello please like yeah i bet you hope that's fucking taken down because this video of you being a fucking abusive drunk maniac

and everyone just kind of goes ah that's crazy that drunk girl like no you can't just punch your boyfriend in the fucking face repeatedly in public and act like it's just like a silly drunk thing we've got a lot on here bullshit it's always Bullshit It's tough to be that guy When it's like some girl clapping at her boyfriend's face In the face screaming and yelling Yeah you can't do that You can't berate people and belittle them And fucking violently attack them

And then be like we just had a bad night Makes me sick You fucking maniac The weirdest thing I've ever done Or my neighbors ever heard me do Is probably Either jerk off to them having sex or – You know you did that?

Or – no, that was a joke. Party? I mean, no, no, because I've done that. I thought you got caught doing it somehow. I have for sure whipped out my dick when neighbors are having sex. I was kidding. I've heard it. I've not done it.

You're unlucky then. But I have been drunk. You have not. You have not. It's cool. I have sung along to their parties that were like so loud that's just sad yeah that is really yeah i know like hey man i know like like real sad shit that's sad boy like sitting next to their like the wall sad boy origin story right there yeah that's like when this super sad boy was created you know yeah like Like when he kills himself.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Do you think that they were like, sing us a song? Is there someone on the side of that wall? Him singing? I hate that song. I'm impartial. I don't love it. I don't hate it.

Why do you hate it? Because it's too popular or you actually just don't like the song itself? Probably because I mostly hate people that sing along to that song. I just think it's like, hey, Caroline. I'm like, this has got to go. It's just so annoying. Do you really think that's the name of that song? Hey, Caroline.

Sweet Caroline. Sweet Caroline. Sweet Caroline. Hey, Caroline. That's fucking great. So you hate people from Long Island and Boston? Yes. I hate plenty of balls.

I agree. I see what you're saying. I mean, down to the fact that the Mets play it in the eighth inning of their games. It's very, very similar. Except I think it's just a far better actual song in a vacuum. Sweet Caroline, I think, is a stupid song. Yeah. No, Piano Man is definitely a better song in a vacuum than...

Like, if you listen to it, the song he's telling about the people at the bar sharing a drink called loneliness. Sharing a drink called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone. It's a fire. Yeah, it's a bar. Yeah, Sweet Caroline is just about a 16-year-old girl. And it doesn't even have the oh, oh, oh. If you don't sing along with it, when you just listen to Sweet Caroline by yourself in your headphones, it's the worst fucking song ever.

It's got to at least be a party vibe. 100%. Yeah, you know it's about a 16-year-old girl? It's about Caroline Kennedy, I believe? Yeah. Caroline Kennedy. Maybe even younger than 16. People... Yeah, that's out of my Spotify playlist. A lot of weird...

No more royalties from me, Neil Diamond. You're not getting my.001 cent. 12-year-old girl. Sure. The Romans would have fucked with this song heavy. Song came out in 1969.

She was 12 at the time. Nobody knew that for decades. That is so fucking creepy. Hey, sweet Caroline. Don't you ever. Good times never seem so good. So good. So good.

So good. I've been inclined. What is he talking about? To believe in never. Is he talking about being in love with her? I don't know. It's one of those songs where you start to look at the words like, I don't know what this fucking song's about.

He could just be like, this is a cool 12-year-old, which is a slippery song. Yeah. Just 12-year-olds gotta take vibes. Like the people at Arista Records were like, so Neil, what's your new song about? A really cool 12-year-old. Nine years old here. Was it nine here? It was inspired by a photograph of the then nine-year-old Caroline Kennedy.

Listen, if you have a song about a nine-year-old that talks about hands, touching hands, warm, touching warm. Reaching out. Touching me. Touching you. Touching you. That's a problem. That's a problem.

It's one of those facts where it's like it is either real, Touching you. That's a problem. That's a problem. It's one of those facts where it's like it is either real. Like people who know it know it. And then people don't like all facts. Yeah. People who know the facts know these details. But people talk about it a lot if they know it. Right, right, right. It's like when you find out that Jerry Seinfeld dated a teenager too.

What? I thought she was 18. What's the deal with statutory 18. What's the deal with statutory rape? What's the deal with the age of consent? It's different in different states.

There was a picture of a little girl dressed to the nines. I think that's where the nine came in. Next to her pony. It was such an innocent, wonderful picture.

I immediately felt like there was a song in there. I never discussed it with anybody before intentionally. I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday. I'm happy to have gotten it off my chest. I'm sure you're happy to have gotten it off.

I'm happy to get it off my chest when I expressed it to her at her 50th birthday party. I thought she might be embarrassed, but she seemed to be struck by it and really, really happy. Okay, I guess that's not as – It's not as – He was just inspired. All I know, you look at a picture of a little girl who's not yours or like in your family, and you feel like the inspiration to write a song, and it's all about touching and loving, that's fucking bizarre.

At no point is it good. But just being like, oh, and you just create this fairy tale in your head. Again, it's all inspired by kids. It's weird. Didn't he hate this? Isn't this one of those songs that he's like, ugh? I hate singing this song. Neil didn't like the song at all.

I'm not liking it. I'm not wanting to be a single. I bet. I bet he was like, ugh. I hate singing this song. Neil didn't like the song at all. I'm not liking it. I'm not wanting to be a single. I bet. I bet he was like, fuck. This is my jerk off song. Also, talk about an all-time. What a foul song. We didn't put this on the radio.

Where did you guys find this? Talk about, I mean, this is an all-time self-report. Yeah. It's Jenna Marbles type shit. You could have easily just kept that to yourself. 100%. He like i never told anyone intentionally you know what i don't tell anyone intentionally the things i know are fucked up yo the intentionally is a really funny line because that means like one night he like got up at the bar and was like should have told those guys any of that i never told this anyone intentionally but i'm old now so i don't know

one time in the 80s i was in love with a 12-year-old. I would love them to be like, Neil, what's this about? It's like, ah, this totally adult girl that I would have gotten consent before I did anything with her. What state are we in right now? California? Yeah. There's a 14-year-old girl.

Yeah. We're in Arkansas. 14-year-old girl. Yeah. Where am I? France? Yeah, that'll work. We're in Arkansas. 14-year-old girl. Yeah, where am I? In France? Yeah, that'll work. So me and Woody Allen.

I was going to say, so me and who's the other fucking? The director. Robin Polanski. Polanski, yeah. Me and Polanski were taking it. Me and Rome were out the other night. Yeah, I'm going to book a flight to France, guys. I'm going to be going away for a little while.

Yeah, a place where they're a little bit more liberal with numbers. The shackles that American fucking beard does. Back to a place where the laws are a little bit more medieval. All right. Last voicemail is brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Rude boy is in shape. Asshole. When are you going to start getting out of shape?

Probably never. 28. Famous last words. Fuck you, dude. I can't wait. If you hit 28 being a workout guy, thank you, Christ. I'm too self-conscious to be fat. You'll get depressed soon,

and then your depression will outweigh your self-consciousness. My mom won't allow it. Straight up. Straight up. Straight up won't allow it. She'll just Straight up. Straight up won't allow it. She'll just belittle you and abuse you until you get... No, yeah, she will not allow it to happen. Wait, obesity or depression?

Oh, well, she can't control depression. Okay, I thought you were like, gosh, you won't even let that happen. She just pins me in the bed and blasts me with vitamin D. Like the exorcist. She has one of those sun lamps. Like if you come home this holiday season with a little bit of weight on you, she'll be like, get the fuck out of here and go to the gym right Get one of those sun lamps. Like, if you come home this holiday season with, like, a little bit of weight on you, she'll be like, get the fuck out of here and go to the gym right now.

She would mention it. Yeah. She would definitely mention it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just, I think at some point, well, it depends on how your life goes, you know? Yeah. Oh, it could happen, but I just don't think the odds are good.

If things are bad, you're just like, ah, I'm not going to work out today or I'll eat whatever. I mean, dude, if I take another whack on crypto, I could get fat. There you go. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Bitcoin goes down a little bit, Rudy's getting fat. If I can't get a PS4 for another six months, I'll get fat.

Huh? Five? Five, sorry. PS5. Yo, by the way, there's just nothing. There's a shortage for everything. The PS5 shortage started way before all that, though. I know.

But I went to the fucking store the other day just getting normal shit. I went to the CVS, the Duane Reade. There was no Coke. I went to there was no there was like a severe lack of cheese the other day in the cheese aisle. There's just no fucking things. You know, it's a problem when Coke and cheese are in short supply because typically you you'd be like, listen, once Coke and cheese are not available in America, there will be riots. It's like we do another Frank Reynolds.

When people start going door to door selling knives and vacuums, goodbye recession, hollow depression. Once they run out of Coke and cheese, hollow supply chain. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't have done that one. I didn't have anything else. I didn't pay attention to the macro economics. Once they run out of Coke and cheese, hollow supply chain. Yeah, exactly. Supply chain's all I know. I couldn't have done that one. I didn't have anything else.

I didn't pay attention to the back broken off. You landed that plane. But anyway, the reason I say Rudy's in shape is because he's going to look fire in Cuts clothing. Any guy can wear it, but when you are in shape, Cuts clothing, the way it fits you, your arms, your chest, you look fucking Primo So whether you are in shape or fat You're going to look sharp because it's soft material Stylish material It's very versatile You can do it, you can dress it up, you can dress it down You can wear it to work, you can wear it on a date

You can wear it hanging out around the house You're comfortable enough, but stylish enough That it fits all occasions and all places They've got Hoodies, t-shirts polos, bomber jackets now, joggers, everything that you need for that sleek, classic, timeless look of the plain T-shirt, plain colors all across the spectrum so that it matches and goes with everything, and it's always on trend.

Go to cutsclothing.com. Right now, 30% off site-wide. No code necessary. We're getting into that holiday season. So starting now through December 3rd, so the next three, four weeks, upgrade that wardrobe. Get all your shopping done for the men in your life.

Get those shirts, those joggers, or the all-new outerwear with the bomber jackets. It's cutsclothing, C-U-T-S, clothing.com. 30% off site-wide right now. Last voicemail. Let's go. All chicks today, huh? What's up, ladies?

All of them. What's up, ladies? All good-looking girls. Hey, guys. It's Lauren. Listening to the latest episode. You guys were talking about synesthesia um i recently found out about a year ago that my grandmother has synesthesia and how she has it is she associates

certain names with colors so names have like an aura of color around them so for example my name lauren she said is pink i of course had to ask her about you guys she said uh kevin is red john is orange jackie is light blue mike is dark blue and nick is brown sorry nick um so i guess question is, if you had synesthesia, what do you, like, what form would you want it to take? Thanks, guys. What other forms could I have? Also, orange fucking sucks.

Yeah, that's a tough bounce. That's a tough bounce. So we learned that Jackie, last episode, Jackie, the numbers one through ten all have personalities. Like, three and 4 are best friends. Oh, yeah, you have that?

Well, no, I just, like, I fuck with certain numbers way more than others. Yeah, okay, that's fair. They don't have relationships with each other. Yeah, like 7's dating 9, but 9's emotionally abusive. Those are just all, like, jokes, aren't they? No, that is a joke. But 7 is dating 9, and 9's emotionally abusive. And 7 also babysits 4.

3 and 4 are best friends. All normal behavior for sure, Jack. Yeah. It's weird. I open up. Two does anal. One. I mean, it's no stupider than astrology, so whatever.

I don't understand. If you had synesthesia, what form would you want it to have? Well, I think I do. I have this with music. Like when I hear music, I think of colors with every song. Okay. Yeah. Give me an example.

Like a certain song will make me think of red. What song? Let's hear what it is. Oh, a good example would be Day and Night by Kid Cudi. That one is like a sort of like a black – well, this is going to sound dumb as fuck, but like sort of like a white or like a moon color. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I also think sometimes you're going to like mix up the album cover. You know what I mean? But a lot of times I'll think of one and I'll see the album cover and it'll be that and it'll be like blue or it'll make me think of like certain colors. I mean, if I hear a song off the Blueprint, I am thinking of that blue like plastic.

For example – Monster makes me think of red like from. I mean, if I hear a song off the blueprint, I am thinking of that blue, like plastic. For example. Monster makes me think of red, like from the beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Good example of Sweet Caroline makes me think of Prison Jumpsuit Orange. Rather fitting. What would you want it to be? I still don't understand. So you can like smell colors or you can hear names, taste colors. Like, yeah, would you want to? I think it would be pretty I still don't understand. So you can like smell colors or you can hear names,

taste colors. yeah, would you want to, I think it would be pretty cool to taste a color. Hell yeah. Taste orange? I don't think so.

Taste affects you the most. Because if it doesn't taste good, if you get a bad color, then like you have a rotten taste in your mouth for the rest of the day. I guess maybe like

I would want to feel music. That'd be cool. makes me like tango blue or makes me yeah I'm blue this song is hard yeah if I get a boner every time I heard blue that song is so good I would want to get an erection every time I heard, like, 90s techno. Or, like, early 2000s. show like b-roll shit like they call it penis music music that you know is bad shouldn't be listened to but triggers an uncontrollable instinct of wanting to dance yeah I'm out okay so it's not okay okay huh so that and that music does kind of you know like the like sandstorm yeah like what's the the crazy frog by my name I have some respect what's's that? That's Axel F. Axel F.

Crazy fuck, right? Yeah, that's penis music. You don't know Crazy Frog? Can you play Crazy Frog real quick, please? I know we have to blur it. What? You never heard of Crazy Frog? video on the internet. It's kind of both. It's a song. It's a song. I think I know what you're talking about but from the point of view of like a music

of like a video on the internet I don't think it was a real song. No, you are this is like we used to rock out to this.

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba sweet. In our high school high school cafeteria lunch library. Yeah, this was a staple back in the day.

Yeah, this shit rocks. I want I would want to get every time I hear Axl laugh I want to get hard. That's my synest want to get hard Every time I hear Axl Laff I want to get hard That's my synesthesia Like that

Every time I hear Penis music I get hard Yeah What song You got one song You know Your boner walk-up music

You're in the bedroom Drop your fucking robe Your dick is out And a song plays for the girl What do you want Or guy What do you want it to be From the window

To the wall That one, yeah. Or maybe some yin-yang twins or something like that. Ludicrous. The only answer, and this is... I gave this answer actually on this show. It is fucking...

Hang on a second. And I would do anything for love. No, I don't know. It's AO Technology. AO Technology is the best When things fall up. No, I don't know. I was going to say animals, Nickelback. It's A.O. Technology. A.O. Technology is the best fuck song in the world. It's got the fast pace.

It's got slow lovemaking. If you fuck to A.O. Technology and stay on beat the whole time, fucking the actual fucking music is tough. I agree. But it's just like, I don't think you can actually fuck it. But you know what I mean? I feel like if that came on, it's almost like it's... But it's just like, it's just like, I don't think you can actually fuck it. It's just like... But you know what I mean? I feel like if that came on, it's almost like

two on the nose. Picking a sex song for your sex... Is this a sex song? Ayo Technology? Yeah. You got me. Ayo.

I think it's about like, yeah, I'm tired of using technology. Like, come get on top of me. Like, we want to fuck.

I think it's about people who've been like sexting. Oh, yeah, you're right. I wouldn't even put that together. I love how every song, no have been like sexting. Oh, yeah. You're right. I would never put that together. I love how every song, no matter what the lyrics are, you can just like whittle it down.

It's like, oh, yeah, it's about fucking. Absolutely. Like every single song. That's why when people are like, dude, KFC radio, you talk about porn and sex. You're so horny. It's like, bro, that's what makes the world go round. At the end of the day, everybody is doing everything to try to get laid in one form or another. It's like, that's why you work. That's why you have a

job. That's why you put on clothes. That's why you try to be in shape. That's why you go out at night. That's everything. Yes, along the way, you're going to have some friends. You're going to have some fun. You're going to pay taxes. But all of it is just to fucking get your dick wet. One of the biggest arguments I ever got with my mom about

was about that exact thing. Just getting your dick wet? No, no. I was explaining to her that like if you really broke it down, everything anyone has ever done in the history of the world is to try to get laid. Yes, and we're making it crass, but it's also like to find a partner, to find love, to get, to have a family, but it's all about finding

you know, what gets your dick hard. I took it even a step further. I said that even if you don't realize it, it's written into your DNA. Like you're an animal. Yes. The only thing you know is to reproduce your dick hard. I took it even a step further. I said that even if you don't realize it, it's written into your DNA. Like, you're an animal. The only thing you know is to reproduce. Dude, Chappelle has a bit about it. He's like, I don't like fast cars. I don't care, but I got money.

I bought fast cars because girls like fast cars, and I don't want to fuck them. So everything is one step removed from, like, you're doing a deal. That's the Cat Williams bit. It's, like, one of the best ones about Michael Jackson. No, that's Chappelle, too, isn't it? No bit it's like one of the best ones about michael jackson no that's chappelle too isn't it no it's cat williams oh is it where he's like he's like talking about michael jackson he's like everyone wants to talk about how he's innocent and how he

you know just likes having kid stuff he's like listen when you come to my house i got alizé i don't like alizé but bitches do so if you were dude trying to fuck a kid what would you have In your crib Probably a Ferris wheel Hard to argue Hard to argue Dude that

Catlin was The fucker Yeah at his peak man He was He was doing big things Yeah Pam pam pam pam pam pam Alright there's

One last question Alright Rude boy You got anything going on? I think Jeff D'Lo alluded to the fact that we are going to play the experts next, I think, which is the Brandon Walker team, I think. Bring him. Yeah, fucking bring him on. I want his head on a spike.

Listen, there are some nerds out there in the dozen, no doubt. There are some good competitors out there in the dozen, no doubt. There are some good competitors out there, for sure. There is no team as good and as entertaining as your mom's team. Your mom brings it every time. I mean, we are a must-see TV every single match. You guys are fucking good. You guys are the most entertaining team. We're definitely the most entertaining.

It's called chemistry. We may not necessarily be the best yet. He has a lot of chemistry but I never talk to each other ever before we even game. Yeah, exactly.

I really never talked to Jack. Me and Rudy talked but I never really talked to Jack until now and now I feel like he's one of the most important people in my life.

I mean when he swept that NFL I was like I'll fucking suck your dick right now Jack. Yeah dude. My hair on the back of my head was lifting. I saw the... i saw honey made uh uh uh graham crackers in the grocery store the other day it like triggered my happiness it was amazing it's like a rush of dopamine like yeah

that's right sorry i saw my honey made graham crackers i saw nutrigrain and honey made were like two feet away from each other i was like yes oh my god um but yeah the only thing other thing i got going on, I'm going to do a Father Sebastian rap again with Wayne Jetski. That's right. Father Sebastian. Tell the people what Father Sebastian is about. He's a gaming rap and mass priest.

He hasn't gamed in a while. He's just been on his rap shit. Dude, you made like the greatest music video of all time that just got like banned from social media, right? Yeah. It got banned? Well, it got like the music. Yeah, it was copywritten music so it got dmc8 it was like i got dmc8 out the ass but this one this one is an original rap and i'm buying the beat

so this is oh wow yeah so you're making a song i yeah yeah father father you're having like it's your first single yeah it's a diss track. At who? The devil. The devil. That motherfucker. They're asking for it for a while now. Someone gave it to him. Yeah. He's been sailing free for too long.

Yeah. Time to pay the piper, bitch. Yeah. Time's up. Me too. All right. So be on the lookout for that from the Rude Boy. Follow him.

Rude Boy underscore Junda or something. Yep. Rude Boy underscore Junda. And let's get into our interview with Danny Lowe. Danny Lowe, Priori. It's brought to you by Nectar Sunglasses. I think there's some sunglasses, some shades over there on your desk or somewhere. I mean, sunglasses when you're at the beach. I have a vision.

With all the sunning in. But when you're at the beach with your dumb friends who have put artificial lightener into their hair and you just want to like shade your eyes from their disgusting hair and you just want to look cool with your own nectar shades, they got you covered. It's the best company right now to get your shades because they offer fully sustainable products that also have a lifetime warranty so you're living your life worry-free. You don't have to worry about these bad boys. Anything happens to them, you break them, you lose them, they cover them for your entire life. Buy one pair for the rest of your life.

That's a good point. Yeah, just one pair and you're done. Just $50 and you're set for the rest of your life if anything happens to them. They'll just keep replacing them because that's what a lifetime warranty does. You also can get their blue light light blockers which are the regular eyeglasses

that make you look smart and sophisticated. I actually was going to become an eyeglasses guy. I got them. Fatty over here sat on them and broke them. So I got to send them in to get them replaced. I like how his response goes... Literally. They were on the chair and I saw it happening

in slow motion and he was like, no. And I just started... Me fights. Those are broken. Me fights. Me breaks. Me sits. Me have glasses up my butt. So you can get the sunglasses for just $50 and that lasts you your entire life. And then So you can get the sunglasses for just 50 bucks. And that lasts you,

Oh, your entire life. And then when you're, if you're doing that shopping at nectar, sunglasses.com slash KFC, you get a free pair of their bestselling blue light blockers. So that keeps your eyes protected when you're scrolling through your phone and your TV and watching the screens all the time. And the shades keep your eyes protected from that UV sun.

And you also look pretty fucking cool let's go to nectar sunglasses.com slash kfc to do your holiday shopping online and get all the eyeglasses and sunglasses you need it's danny lopriori on what is one of the funniest kc radio interviews we say this a lot over the over the years when we have a guest who sits in for a long time he really could be a third host of the show. Like right away, we're talking about balls and dicks and being gay. He slid right in there. So, uh, Danny Lopriori on KFC radio.

Finally, let's talk to him. I've never sat down to do a show with a sponsor like this. So this is kind of cool. Can I drink this now? Or am I going to get in trouble? Do I have to open it on the show? This is the show, bro.

We're already going. This is it. If Chrissy D fucking shit his pants in the seat. Probably. Probably. I'll tell you one thing about Chris DiStefano. Possibly, and I hate to say this,

probably the funniest guy I've ever met. He's the funniest funniest I actually have to stop myself every time I do the show with him or I'm talking about him I absolutely like fellatio

all over the place I'm like you are the funniest naturally funniest person in the world and I have to stop myself from saying it like every single time

100% he's just I mean every fucking thing he says cause we did a basement yard episode with him and then we did a Basement Yard episode with him, and then we did a Hyenas episode.

And Giannis is hilarious, too. But I've never heard a funnier storyteller than Chris. And it's also, he makes you feel like you've known him your whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll text me out of nowhere. He'll be like, what's up? What's up, baby girl? I'm just like, no, I'm just chilling.

Even just recounting that story has a smile on your face yeah yeah yeah genuine one that's like the thing about him is like he'll text you he doesn't want anything

right he'll just be like what's up daddy literally just checking in yeah he'll literally just tell you like what's up what's going on yo he pulled a move

the other day I've been wanting to do it so bad and I don't have the balls to do it he just didn't bring his kids to school I've been wanting to do it so bad, and I don't have the balls to do it. He just didn't bring his kids to school. I saw you close to your dad. It was raining.

It was the other day when it was, like, torrential downpour. But why don't you just do it tomorrow? You're the dad. You can do whatever you want. Brother, don't have kids anytime. Unless you have kids with another dad. You are not. You are not.

You are not in charge. But, like, don't tell mom. So my kids are getting to that level. So the other day, I gave my kids marshmallows for breakfast. How many kids do you have? Two. Okay. I got a girl and a boy, and the girl is almost six,

and she is a conniving little motherfucker. She lies a lot now. Dope. But now I'm like, I can work with this. So, like, when she was a little baby, I used to give her Benadryl at night to go to sleep. Okay. But then she got to the point where she could talk. Might be illegal. I would drug my kids. Then she would

get to the point where she could talk. So I was like, if I do this, she's going to go home to her mom and say, Daddy gave me medicine at night. I was like, I can't do this anymore. Now we're getting to the point where I can say, don't tell your mom. So we had, not for Benadryl, that's fucked up. But for marshmallows for breakfast. I'll just tell microphones, it's fine. CPS, earmuffs.

For the marshmallows, I said, yes, you can have marshmallows for breakfast. Just don't tell your mom. And she goes, okay. But when she asks you, you don't tell her either. You just say that I had toast. I was like, yeah, I know. I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, we're good.

I know how to not snitch. I got you. I know how to lie. It's an important lesson. to you. Yeah, we're good. I know how to not snitch. I got you. I know how to lie. It's an important lesson. Don't worry. So that's good. But just straight up not. Because there are.

My kid gets up at like 6 in the morning to go to school. She's got to be there at 730. It's fucking early for a five-year-old. And I feel bad for her. And then it's raining. And now it's getting cold. And she wakes up crying and shit. And sometimes I'm like, I'm just not going to take you.

But then I always fucking pussy out. And DeStefano texts me. He goes, how bad was it getting your kids to school today? And I thought we were just going to commiserate. And he goes, yeah, I just didn't do it. And I was like, you motherfucker. But his baby mom was cooler than everything. I know, I know.

Everything he does is cool. He's just cooler than me. The first time we ever met him was, we hadn't even talked. We were sitting like pre-interview. We're sitting in the studio. This is the old office. And this kid, YP, our cameraman, came in. And he's just doing camera,

new guest in town, whatever. And YP turned around. YP had the fattest ass. We've tricked people before just posting a picture of his ass where people are like, yo, what's that at? What's her name? Was YP that kid that had a pet? Yes. Fat ass. oh, what's that at? Like, what's her name? And it's like, yes. Was YP that kid that, like, had, like, a pet? Yes. Yes.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a fat ass. Yeah. And Chris, like, I don't even know if we'd even talked before. And Chris just goes, YP, you better get out of here before I fuck that ass. And we were like, this kid's the best. He's the best. Yeah, I think if you don't get sexually harassed

by Chris DiStefano, he doesn't really like you. I don't think. Yeah. Also, you're like, you must be despicably ugly. You have to be disgusting. Because your gender doesn't matter. No. It actually does matter.

I think you get harassed more if you're a guy. If you're a guy, he wants to thrash you more than a woman. He went on Wendy Williams yesterday. Whitney Cummings is filling in for Wendy, so she invited Chris on. What happened to Wendy Williams? I think she's just off. I don't think it's anything. She's definitely off.

Remember when she fainted? Yes. One of my favorite moments of all time. That's a Halloween story. She was dressed as a statue of liberty. I said, Wendy's dead. Wendy's gone. So it was Whitney, two other women, and Chris on a panel.

And they're doing the entertainment news gossip cycle, right? And Rebel Wilson comes up. Rebel Wilson, the chick from Pitch Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fat Amy, she lost a bunch of weight, and now she's mad. The only thing people are talking about is that she lost weight, and they're not talking about her movies and her acting. So Chris flat out goes, having a man on this panel is such a bad idea.

Everything I say is going to be, all these girls are going to hate. He goes, go watch it on YouTube. Like, I bombed. And it was like a really short segment and wasn't really that bad because they took it out. Because when it came time to him on the panel, he goes, they talked about Adele too. He goes, I like them fat.

He goes, I like fat Adele. I like fat Amy. She can sing better when she's fat. She can't sing when she's skinny. She can't act when she's skinny. I agree with him. And they just cut the whole thing. I absolutely agree, but the crowd of women at Wendy Williams were like,

ah, ah, ah, ah. Like, burn this man alive. It's almost like at a point now where I'm afraid to say fat. Yeah, fat's almost on the list. But I'm fat, so I can say that. You know what I mean? I got fat friends. Yeah, I have fat friends.

I have a fat clothing line. Still fat is great. I have a fat clothing line. So it's like, Fat Adele. Have you heard the new Adele song? Yeah. Fine. It's great.

It's a skinny Adele song. Fat, fat Adele just made heater after heater. I could live without this. Fat Adele goes triple diamond. Yeah, only Fat Adele can make Skyfall. And you know what I love about Fat Adele goes triple diamond. Yeah, only Fat Adele can make, like, Skyfall. And you know what I love about Fat Adele? Her concerts, it's just a mic stand, and her in, like, a fucking tarp,

and she just stands there and belts it. You don't need pyrotechnics, you don't need dancers, she's just, like, listening to these fucking words. Now, like, Skinny, I don't know. Skinny Adele, you better be, like, popping that ass or something. You can't pull off doing the opera. Her concerts were just a night at the opera. You had to be a fat girl at the opera. You can't pull off the opera if it's just like, skinny? I don't know. Yeah. You better be, like, popping that ass or something. You can't pull off doing the opera. Right. Her concerts were just a night at the opera.

You had to be a fat girl at the opera. You can't pull off the opera if it's just like, yeah, I'll go to the beach with you. I'll tell you this, though. Her outfit at the Lakers game. Was it Louis? Was it Gucci? What was it? A1.

I didn't see it. A1. It was. With the Louis V monogram peacoat. Oh, when she came. That skinny bitch was rocking her shit. I'll tell you that. She went over to Kid Cudi, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Cudi, like... Whenever she said that Cudi was, like, the most prolific, profound thing I've ever heard in my life. Well, not heard, because... Oh, yeah. She had, like, almost a cape on, right? Yeah, yeah.

I'm happy Drake and... I mean, come on. This bitch is hot. We gotta give her props. I'm happy Drake and Cudi, like, kind of squashed it, because, like, Drake, like, kind of went after him for, like, having mental health issues. Like, there's some things... He's got a some things there's some things drake did three years ago that he'd be in some hot water if he did it in 2021 like well i i just don't remember uh i don't know like making

a song about georgia smith when she was like 17 oh i thought that was just something society decided to accept that yeah no we just were like were just like, yeah, he fucked Billy Bob Brown. That's just it. And people are weird because it's like the industry is a celebrity 17, a real 17. That's like the argument they have. I'm like, yeah, it's 17.

Bro, I defended him with the Billy Bob Brown shit. I'd like to have that one back. Of all the things I wish I could have back. Because my argument was like, there are so few people who can level with her.

Who understand what she's going Give her advice or something. Okay, I've been down that road. who can level with her. Yeah. Who understand what she's going through. Give her a word of advice or something. Okay, I've been down that road. You can vent to me. And Drake's one of them. But I'd like to take that one. No, I think that's fine as long as you are in a room. I would never be in a room with Millie Bobby Brown without five of the people.

Yeah. Let me ask you a question. You're a dad. You have an offspring here. I don't. If a man, if your daughter was a celebrity and was Millie Bobby Brown's age and somebody as famous as Drake was texting her, would you be cool with it? No, but that's the thing.

I think you would, though. You know what? I think I would. Because it's the association. You get blinded by the lights and the glitz and the glam. Just walking through fanning myself with her money. Tell Drake that's what happened. I do know.

It's just Drake. I know what you mean when you say no, bro. I don't care if she's famous. It's 17, 17, 17. But it's not, though. Famous is weird. Millie Bobby Brown's parents. Famous is weird. There is no age with famous. There really isn't. There's no famous ages. When all that shit came

out about Millie Bobby Brown and her boyfriend who was like, he was, I think he was young, but he was still over 18 and she was under 18. And her parents were he was young, but he was still over 18 and she was under 18. Yeah, that makes sense. And her parents were like pimping, like pushing it. Yeah. So I just don't think you can even get that famous if you have normal parents.

Yeah. Because I'll probably step in the way of my kid getting famous because of all the weird shit. I like how we're saying like famous, like age doesn't really matter in fame. And it's just because of all the trauma you were forced to endure before you turned 10. It's like, you better grow up fast, kid! I'm gonna sexually harass the

shit out of you! It's like Harvey Weinstein's coming to your house at 14. Good luck. Yeah, America's gonna sexualize you real fast. You better just get used to it. But that's the thing, it's like, there's levels of fame, right? So like, I consider myself like a Z-list celebrity. It's like, I can't do stuff like

that. I'll go to real person jail you know no it's just like yo it's like oh yeah we're in the same industry we're social media people they're gonna be like dude you're a fucking monster it's like you're going to have an instagram account that's it we're not in the same industry that's it dude i've been doing this shit for fucking since 2012 the shit that used to go out on social media is fucking crazy it was the best era because it was the wild wild it was wild and you know what's crazy also it was so dude fucking uh tyler i am phil weathers had uh like a kind of a thread and also just retweeted my pbs today i think it, talking about how much the internet's changed since, like, oh, 2011, when it was, like, 2011 is, like, he's just talking about meme culture.

Right. And it was, like, the memes were, like, LeBron, like, went to propose to my girlfriend but got no rings. And it was, like, with, like, you know, like, Times New Roman font over just a stock photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was, like, I can't believe the same internet created this, created this. And the other one was just, like, you know how they do it with the cartoons where they give the laser eyes and make it all blurry? And it was just, it was Bugs Bunny.

And it just said, uh-oh, Chungus got the dungus, the gungus. And it was like the funniest fucking game. Bro, I was, I gotta pull out a picture. I was like, it makes no goddamn fucking sense why it was so funny. You know the other thing, too? Which I just realized, like, two days ago. It hit me in the shower. I don't know why it hit me in the shower.

As always things do. But you know how, like, every era kind of had, like, a movie? Like, how old are you? I'm 36. So yours was old school. Definitely. I'm 32, so ours was super bad. Super bad, yeah.

You know what? I'm 33. I claim wedding crashes. I try to Superbad. Superbad, yeah. You know what? I'm 33. I claim wedding crashers. I try to claim both. I can claim both. But, like, I was a senior in high school when Superbad came out. So, like, that was, like, our movie. I don't know if today's era is going to get those movies.

Because they're going to get canceled. Dude, they also, they don't have. You can't do a movie like that. Oh, let's get these girls drunk and fuck them. You can't write that. We talked about Jason Biggs, American Pie. American Pie was a whole school. Just posting a girl naked?

They had a whole school watching her masturbate through webcams? It was awesome. It was amazing. In 1999. Also, just because of the way the fucking world was. What shit junk is that? The only way we're laughing at that, though. If you show that to any 18 year old they would have

they'd be like what are you talking about but like if Apple made a car what would it have to do if you go if you go further back on the movie thing right

if you go further back on the movie thing listen to this yeah wait he's you're 21 22 do you have a movie do you guys have a movie

probably Step Brothers that's us that's us that's us that's us. That's us. How old was the movie that came out? Yeah, so what did you have in high school? Yeah, what was your high school senior movie?

Probably some Seth Rogen, This is the End, maybe. Okay. That's not bad. But that's not like a high school... Coming of age type movie. And the other thing too is there was a guy that won an Academy Award. Oh, 21 Jump Street's a good one. 21 Jump Street's a good one.

That is true. There was a guy who won an Academy Award. His name was Matthew McConaughey. And he got famous off of being a statutory rapist in a movie. Dazed and confused. Oh, right. That's what I love about high school girls. I get older, they stay the same age.

That line. We said that line all the time. And this guy won an Academy Award. You couldn't say that in a movie. Not in a comedy. You could say that in a drama and make it weird. Yeah, yeah. You'd be the rapist.

You'd be the bad guy. You'd be the detective. You'd be the villain. It'd be some weird indie movie. They don't have a movie. Because that's also not only because of the cancel ship, but I just think the industry is like they're not. It's not like you just wait for a block indie movie. But they don't have a movie. Because that's also not only because of the cancel ship, but I just think the industry is like,

they're not, it's not like you just wait for a blockbuster movie. I subscribe to this YouTuber and I subscribe to this liar. They don't have an it girl because everybody's just got their own

fucking Instagram model that they like. They don't have anything that they all align on. I mean, old school was like, I think,

it is depending on your age. I think old school is the funniest movie of all time. It's 90 minutes, no romance story, I think, you know, it is depending on your age. I think old school is the funniest movie of all time. It's 90 minutes, no romance story, no bullshit, just jokes, inappropriate, fucking ridiculous. College factors in there. Yep. The other thing, too, is high school just doesn't fuck like it used to.

You know what I mean? Because here's the thing. When we were kids, you smoked weed and you drank. Yeah. That's what it was. And then now it's just like everyone has anxiety and depression. I have both clinically.

So I'm just letting you guys know. Don't cancel me! I can make fun of this. I'm suicidal. I can make fun of it. I've been in a mental hospital for three days. But that's the thing. When I came back to my hometown kids started OD'ing and shit.

Yeah. Nobody OD'd. No. It's like a dangerous thing. I grew up in a shit town. Someone get their stomach pumped and shit. We OD'd, bro. We OD'd.

I had motherfuckers on my hockey team OD'ing. Damn. But you were in boarding school, man. You were in a weird fucking zone. Yeah. That's weird shit. That was kids back home. Oh, okay.

Those kids I grew up playing with. The porps. The porps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd go was kids back home. Oh, okay. Those kids I grew up playing with. The porgs. The porgs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Go to the boarding school. I was at boarding school.

We weren't fucking shooting up with intravenous drugs. How poor could they be, though, because they're playing hockey. That's kind of a rich white sport.

Nah, it's a rich white sport, but it's also a very blue-collar sport. Yeah. The bag is expensive. If your dad talked like this and fucking came home and had six beers with dinner,

you played hockey. Because you like to see fucking his kid hit people. It's like Sean Penn's character from Mystic River. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a black leather jacket. His wife in that movie, one of the best ride or die bitches ever. I love her. Yeah, she was a fucking monster.

When he was feeling guilty at one point, and she was just like, you are a king. You are the king of this town, and you can do whatever you want. I was like, god damn, this bitch is evil. And then he fucks her. And then that guy is fucking dead. Hockey is one of those weird sports where it's almost like

a flight with first class and coach. If you go up in the rafters of a hockey game, it's nuts. It's awesome. First of all, it's a way better view of the game. And you have beers flying, people fighting, it's fucking chaos. Then down on the ice level, everyone's in suits.

There's a stark difference between the two. The amount of white excitement that was in that statement right there was like, listen, dude, it's the fucking up here. It's the greatest fucking view I've ever seen. When someone brings up hockey on the show, I'm like, fuck yeah! Hockey is a better sport in person. It's a better fucking view I've ever seen. When someone brings up hockey on the show, I'm like, fuck yeah. Hockey is a better sport in person.

Always. It's a better sport in person. I don't want to watch football in person. No. Fuck that shit. I don't really want to watch basketball. Yeah, when the Knicks are good, though. And when you get good seats.

I get tingly in my vagina. When you get good seats, man, basketball to me is the biggest spectacle in the world. When you're like courtside or whatever and you can see how big they are and how fast they are. It's like what the fuck? So I'll put close, like good tickets to basketball up against hockey. But otherwise, everything else. I could be good never going to a baseball game again. But you know what?

Because baseball, you're not going to a baseball game. You're going to like a big ass outdoor bar. If you go to a baseball game and you sit there and you watch the game, that shit sucks. You get beers and hang out. Because now they have these pavilions. Baseball is a second screen in person. You're more kind of hanging out. When we do our barstool shit, we don't sit down.

We have tickets. We don't sit down. What do you guys do? Do you go to Billy's or something? No. We do it at Citi Field. Disgusting. A concourse out in

Center Field where they have high top tables and you just get your beers and we just hang out and occasionally like, oh, what happened?

When I go to a regular season baseball game, I sit in my seats for an inning, two innings. I'm bouncing around from different bars.

Fenway's the same thing. Fenway's got a concourse here, bar here, and I'm just checking out from all the angles. A baseball game is

actually great because of that. It's like passive. You go to Billy's or Stan's? No, no, no, no. I sit in the legend suites. Yo, yo. Stan's is all right.

Stan's is cool when I was like 19. Stan's is like a blue-collar beer spot, right. Billy's, when it gets like the club vibe going, Yankee fans are the trash of the earth. They are garbage people goombas. And then when they're inside of Billy's, like with the lights low, fucking like, if we could lock all the doors to Billy's and set it on fire every night of the Yankees game,

we would be wiping out all of the skeletons of the earth. Yeah, I like how you're like, we can't really fight it. Yeah, bro, I know. We can see your necklace. Look at you. You fucking Goombas. I can't believe that's not a Yankee. It's stunning.

That's just a light three carats in the trailer. Internet's been good to me. Yeah, man. So you've been doing it since 2012. Yes. And that really was, I mean, the shit we used to say, man, it was the best. And I never thought twice about anything we were calling. And I have something to say about him, too.

About me? No, him. I'm going to tell you guys right now, the only person that ever fucked with me at this fucking company was this guy right here. What did I do? He used to blog my shit back in 2012, 2013. He's probably written so many blogs, I doesn't even remember. All of my friends who were like stoolies called me i had like 45 missed calls this is when second titties yeah this is like 2013 or whatever and they're like bro

you're on fucking barstool you made it you're on barstool and then i saw it was feidelberg so feidelberg and like chaps are like the only two people that fucked with me back then but the weird thing about the barstool audience is like it was a song about sucking tits and they were like, oh, this like sucks. So then I was just like, okay, this is kind of a weird audience. It's a paradox. I was like, so you guys just don't like tits? You guys don't like the song?

What's going on? Because I had a billion streams. So in my head, I'm like. Wait, you're saying I fucked with you in a good way. I think you're saying I fucked with you like I did something billion streams so in my head I'm like that way you're saying I fuck we were a good way I think saying I fuck you look I did something bad no that's like that's like that's half white are you yeah I was like what I do what I apologize I apologize that's my favorite service I was like what I was like yeah no no you were you you fuck with me that's a good I mean I know that phrase now but like I a fuck with you. You fuck with me. That's a good thing. I know that phrase now, but like I... I fuck with you.

It's usually I fucks with you, but I don't want to throw you that big of a Puerto Rican curveball. But no, then when Vine died, he posted a whole bunch of like top Vines and he put me on there, so I get to thank you. Well, you

blogged a lot about Vine, but you also hated everyone on Vine. I didn also hated everyone on Vine. I didn't hate everyone on Vine. I hated there was a 60-minute special about Logan Paul, who I've come to like now. And it was like, he was like 19. And it was all born of jealousy. Yeah. Where it was like, they were with Logan Paul shooting a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

Six seconds, it's a Vine. Yeah. And he fucking catches a football and chugs a Duncan Donalds, whatever. And then he throws both things in the air and just goes, made $250,000. And I was like, fuck that kid! I like Logan a lot. I always tell people who don't like him,

you're not giving him an honest chance if you actually listen to his shit and don't just fucking put this on a forest. Which we always say, but also I respect you. Because I'm not giving anyone an honest answer. I'm not going to research you and shit. And in the defense of everyone who hated them, like, they came in so hot. They were not looking to make friends. You're just like, I'm fucking richer than you and I'm 20 years younger than you and that was all your content?

Yeah, motherfuckers are going to hate you. So at one point I was bigger than them on the internet, which is crazy to say. And any time I spoke to them, they were super nice. Jake and Logan. Always super respectful. I did this roast session where I roasted all these Viners that suck. And a lot of them wanted to come fuck me up at one point. Very sensitive.

So I was like, bro, fucking bring all your smoke. I was like, bring it. You guys are all out in LA. Come meet me in fucking Queens somewhere. I'll call fucking Bobby and a couple other people, and they'll never find you again. But those kids were always super cool, and they'll fucking kick the fucking shit out of me now.

Now it's like they can do whatever they want at this point. Vine was crazy. Vine was crazy. And that's where you started? Vine? That's where I started. Was Suck Them Titties a Vine? Yeah, Suck Them Titties was a Vine.

Let Me Suck Them Titties was six seconds. I didn't want to get a regular job, so I figured I would just talk to my phone for a while. How old were you at that point? 23. Did you go to school? Fuck no. So I went to high school. As the law requires. Yeah, I went to high school. As the law requires.

Yeah. I went to high school as the state said I have to. So, you know, my parents were like, whatever. So my parents didn't really have a lot of money. And then my grandfather, who was just like an Italian, like, slumlord. I love him to death. Rest in peace. But, you know, he would have He would have properties all over the place.

I grew up in this town called Hastings, right outside of Yonkers. You're in Westchester now, so I'm sure you're aware of this. Money earned in Mount Vernon. I'm sure you've heard of Hastings. I'm trying to get out of there. Trust me. I have some Mount Vernon stories for you, too. A great one, actually,

that I'll tell you later. We were able to live in this nice town because my grandfather built this building in this nice town because my grandfather built this building in this nice westchester suburban town um and i was really good at football so i played football they made sure i was good in school they made me go to summer school a couple of times and then it came time to go to college but i didn't have the grades to get into like you know uh as chris acefano says, white D1, which is Division III. I got recruited by D2 schools and D3 schools to play football.

I didn't have the grades. We actually ran the shotgun, so I was a slot receiver. Many pounds ago. Yeah, yeah. Okay, quick feet. Take your word for it. Many pounds ago. Yeah, surprisingly fast, one of those guys. Yes, yeah. Okay, quick feet. Take your work for it. Yeah, surprisingly fast, one of those guys.

Yes, yes. So I did that, and I didn't want to go to school. Nothing really interesting. I had no interest in school. I had no interest in doing homework. That's like Weidelberg. Well, yeah, but everyone told me I was funny. Everyone told me I was funny, so I was like, okay.

You're a smart guy, though. Did you not do any work? Like, if you wanted to, because you've gotten good grades? All right, so you know, like, when Matt Damon gets caught, and he's like, come back here, and I'll touch this fucking chalkboard. This shit is easy for me. Yeah, so it was one of those things where it wasn't easy for me, but if I applied myself, I did more than above average in school.

I just never applied myself. Had a lot of behavioral issues. Like, I threw, like, garbage cans in the classrooms. You know what I mean? Like, I fought people. I always wanted to be one of those kids, too. I want to be a parent who doesn't send his kids to school, and I wanted to be a kid at school who just didn't give a fuck. Yeah.

Because I was always like, oh, no, the teacher's going to be mad. And there was, like, Danny throwing fucking garbage cans. But the teachers liked me because I had, you know, I could charm them a little bit. So they were, like, cool to me. So basically, on my graduation day, I didn't have enough credits to graduate from high school. Oh, fuck. And they didn't give a shit. They gave me my diploma and let me go.

I was three credits short. Oh, all right. One phys ed from cutting it, and then one foreign language, and then one math credit. And they didn't give a shit. They hated me so much. Like, gym doesn't count. You already speak Spanish? Enough. Enough. You're good to go. And, gym doesn't count. You already speak Spanish? Enough.

Enough. You're good to go. And, like, who needs math? No, no, no, no. They'll have calculators in the future. Yeah. The iPhone's coming. Don't worry.

Yeah, it was one of those things. And the iPhone came out, and I was like, listen, dude, I'm going to work. I've worked every shitty job. I was a mover. I was a camp counselor. I worked in a fucking group home. Camp counseling was great. I worked in a group home where kids would get

off the bus, throw their backpack at me, and just be like, Mr. Lowe, Mr. Lowe Priority. They'd go, Mr. Lowe, suck my dick. And these were like underprivileged kids, and you can't hit them because they already got problems. No, thank you, kids. I'd rather not. Can we go do this puzzle now? Yeah, so what I did,

and then Vine blew up, and I started getting ad money. How much are we talking? A good amount. Yeah? Yeah. We're talking, like, probably, like, this is when ad people were stupid. Ad people are smart now, just so you guys know.

You got to, like, prove it to them. Yeah, they want to see. Bullshit is what it is. Conversions, and they want to make revenue. Back then, they would just be like, yo, here's 10 grand. And, like, sell this dating app like, yo, here's 10 grand. Sell this dating app in a six-second thing. So I made a ton of money doing that, and then the app died, and then I spent it all.

And I had no money. I had no fucking money. But people knew you, but then you're... Bro, it was like people told me... Dude, I started delivering pizza after that, and people would be like, yo, are you the Vine guy? I'd just be like, no, here's your pepperoni pie. You know what I mean?

It was really sad. No way. It was sad. You know how many moments I had looking in the mirror? Like, dude, you had it, and then you blew it. No, you didn't, though, because I don't think people appreciate how crazy it was that they shut down Vine. Like, that should not be allowed.

It still doesn't make sense. I'll tell you why. But you guys all, like, banded together and wanted money and fucked yourselves, right? That wasn't me. I wasn't one of them. No, but right.

I mean, the royal you. The royal me wanted money, though. Yeah, but I feel like the Vine stars kind of were like, we deserve more money, and then that was the downfall, right? Well, the thing is... It's like, you guys kind of

overplayed your hand, I feel like. For sure. And then if you really think about it, from TikTok, like, TikTok did everything right. TikTok did everything that Vine was supposed to do you open the app and there's ads there

right away yep they're skippable ads but they're there but they'll get you every now and then yeah they'll get you

Vine had no monetization that's like Twitter too it's like they never fucking did it right and we weren't producing enough money to keep it open and then people got greedy for us to stay on the platform

but what does that mean what does producing money keep it open like then people got greedy for us to stay on the platform. What does that mean? What does producing money keep it open? Like, why can't that app just continue to exist? Alright, so KFC Radio, I'm sure you guys are gonna backlog this and throw ads in it, right? Not in this interview, but like... So what other shows that you guys do? We like lead into one

with it. We do live reads though. If you're talking about doing that dynamic shit where you put it back in, we just do live reads, really. Right you're talking about doing that dynamic shit where you put it back in, we just do live reads, really. Right, but Barstool gets that check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that keeps all these lights on, keeps these wonderful, beautiful young children involved,

keeps you guys happy. So that's where the money... Happy to more. That's where the ad revenue keeps things alive. Right. Twitter is just an anomaly because so many fucking people use it.

Yeah. It just became Facebook statuses for morons. You know what I mean? And I'm one of them. So they're not doing ads and that they...

They're not doing integrated ads. They can't afford to pay like engineers and shit like that to keep like the technology up. So what happened was... Because I just feel like

once it's out, it should just... Maybe you're not going to do upgrades and all that shit. Instagram video didn't exist. Right. and shit like that to keep the technology up. So what happened was... I just feel like once it's out, maybe you're not going to do upgrades or all that shit. Instagram video didn't exist. Instagram stories didn't exist. None of that shit existed. So Vine was literally... It was the video app. I still miss it, man.

I guess you can do that shit now on TikTok. There was a gap for a while where you couldn't do... TikTok's like the font's too small. Yeah, all of it's a little bit off. Too much shit. You know, I'm just too old. In the beginning when Vine had the ability to film, stop, film, stop, film, stop, nobody else did.

Instagram eventually did it. But in the beginning, that was very useful for like, for blog people, for, you know, like a highlight reel. Like, here's one hit. Here's another hit. Here's, you know, like, and then that was gone. And I was like, fuck, I need that. Well, it was also like good for like art people too.

Yeah. You guys did some shit that was gone. And I was like, fuck, I need that. Well, it was also good for art people, too. Yeah. You guys did some shit that was really cool. There were people that would like, who's that kid that turns a bottle of water into an entire building? Who's that fucking kid? Oh, I haven't seen that. The editing. Zach King?

Yeah, Zach King. That kid can turn anything into anything. And it was fucking amazing. He's making so much fucking money doing commercials now. It's disgusting. He's so rich. tiktok now you know they do the thing where they pull their head and it turns and they fucking jump into different clothes it's like i know tiktok's like goofy and corny you make fun of dancing and shit but there's

some people who a are really funny and b are there's the technical people who are making like mini movies yeah there's a lot of talented people out there it's for me thankfully like i could sing and like rap a little bit there's that's an understatement yeah but there's a lot of people that are so talented and i get a lot of my inspiration from watching other people just do cool shit and my whole thing was like i wanted to have millions of followers like millions and millions of followers brother no hulk hogan but like in my mind i was just, I sat down with another kid who I don't know if you've ever had him on here, but you should have him

on here. Joe Santagato. Yeah. He's great. He's got big fucking followers. You got big followers too. He's one dude. I didn't know how to say it because I felt rude and it's more on me.

About money? What do you want to know? I'll tell you everything about Joe's money. I didn't know. Who do you guys want to know? I didn't know who he was. And then I kind of got put onto him and I looked at his profile and I was like this motherfucker has a million followers. Yeah. He's the most low-key million follower dude like in the world. Two million subs

on YouTube. And that he just doesn't fucking use. Yeah, he's starting to use it now. He has two million subscribers that he was just like, I just don't use that anymore because, like, I don't know, I was kind of embarrassed about it. I was like,

are you out of your fucking mind? I was like, can you give it to me? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Me and him were, like, on a big hunt for sub buttons.

Remember that era? No, it's not. Remember we were trying to get, like, a direct link to subscribe to our YouTube? I'm still fucking trying to... I haven't figured it out. I just figured out how to buy a fucking Shiba Inu yesterday.

You know what I mean? The guy who bought $8,000 of Shiba Inu? No, I don't even know what... Shiba's one of those dumb fucking things. You're not gonna believe this. You're not gonna fucking believe this. This one wallet, I bought $8,000 worth of it. And that was 400 days ago, a little over a year.

It's now worth $5.7 billion. Billion? Billion. What? He's a billionaire. I don't know how you take that out. But can you sell it? That's the thing.

I mean, I definitely don't think you can cash out a billion. No, but you could trade it. You could trade it for like Ethereum or something. Or start cashing out like, I don't know, I'm going to $100,000 every month for the rest of my fucking generations of family. I don't fuck. Or start cashing out, like, I don't know, I'm gonna get $100,000 for the rest, every month for the rest of my fucking, like, generations of family. I don't know. I want out right now.

I want out now. I know. I know. I'll go home. I'm good. You guys should make a fights coin. Put your fucking mug

on there with that mustache. He's becoming a brand. He is a brand. He is. He is a brand. Bro, you know what will happen? But, like, over the last year, fights have become a real brand Becoming, he is. He is a brand. Bro, you know what will happen? But like over the last year, he's become a real brand.

Everybody, everybody will get rich off of Ice Cream. That is the way. That is the way. I wouldn't want to make money. It would be, yeah. That's actually, the only way that Fights Coin will be popular is if you don't get rich off it.

And therein lies the rub. Like, that's the only way. Then if you get too many chefs in the kitchen, you know, it's going to water you down as an artist And you're not going to love it anymore as much as you used to I came up with a question Yesterday In my head

That I wanted to ask you So you know how people make those scenarios It's like, yo, would you die to save this person's life? Build a career of it That's what it is Alright, so this is mine for you Would you get gender reassignment surgery to save Feidelberg's life?

This is a great question. It's because, you know, people don't... I gotta lose my dick and get a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a vagina for the rest of your life. Oh, wow. It's your whole life. I just bought boobs. No.

We're going no half measures. No, you're going bottom top. I think. To save his life or he dies instantly. And not like Infinity War, snap and disappears. It's fucking horrible. I think I'm doing it. It's like fucking VX gas.

Yeah, yeah. It's fucking real bad. It's bubbling up. Yeah, you put the guy in his mouth and close it like in the rock. And they make you watch like Clockwork Orange. They make you watch. I'm doing it

because, let me tell you why. That's dope. Guess what? You're getting fucked quick. By you. Yeah, I know. I'll do it if Firebird fucks me. I feel like if I were to transition this shit would we would fucking skyrocket yeah oh my god so i've been but but i can't i can't transition you get a spotify deal in like a month

right literally when alex hooper blew up we talked to our guy who works at spotify and i said how can i get some spotify money and he jokingly but not jokingly was like transition yeah become gay become a girl. That's what's going to make you separate from every other fucking duo male podcast. No Spotify execs know what they're talking about. So I was like, How much do you really love pussy? We hold on to you?

I love your show. Just hear me out. Just hear me out. Just stick with me. Stick with me. You become a woman, and he has sex with me stick with me you become a woman and he has sex with you and then you start a show about it bro if we had an OnlyFans

where you fuck me forget about it so you would do it here's the thing if I transitioned out of greed if people found out that I just transitioned because I wanted money

then they're nah no good if people find out that I transitioned to save my boy's life that's what it is transition out of love whatever comes after

is God's glory. He would be like, don't do it. Just let me go. Would you want him to do it? Would I want him to do it? That's a lot of guilt. Or would you come to him and be like, just let me die, bro. Like, no.

I would, man, I just know, like. I'd be like, bro, you got to get that puss. I would have the fucking most fire pussy. I'd be like, make this shit perfect, dude. The only reason I would do it is because I've always wanted to feel the female orgasm. Yes. Yeah. Yes. But do you feel it when you transition? I don't know.

Can they give you a kiss? Like, you start shaking right at like, I mean, I just, I'd kill one day just to feel an orgasm that makes me shake rather than one that makes me feel shamed. No, but no. I get like, I'm jealous of feel an orgasm that makes me shake rather than one that makes me feel shamed. No, but no. I get like, I call it a shake. I'm jealous of the female orgasm for two reasons. One, it's kind of hard to achieve, you know, if you, because they can have a clitoral and a vaginal.

Is that correct? Okay. So you can have a clitoral and a vaginal. So you have two different kinds of orgasms. Yeah, that's wild. That's super dope to me. Like, we got one. That's double O's?

Double orgasms? Sometimes they're like... Garen's to come? That's pretty cool. I mean, well, you guys have, too. You just gotta dig deep enough. No, no, no, but they could not be right. I don't think that's true.

I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. I don't know if I'm courageous enough to find out. I've asked Pat on Out and About. What did he say? He was talking about coming from anal sex. Girls apparently could come from anal sex. I don't know if that's an act or not,

but I've partaken and apparently that's true. I don't know if they were lying because I was famous at the time. My thing is I've asked Pat, who is a certified gay man. Are you gay as well, sir? Do you mind if I ask you?

Is it possible to achieve orgasm just from anal sex? Like, to the point where you ejaculate, sir? Yeah. No stroke? Just straight? Yeah. Good for you. Good for you.

Good for you. Good for you. Can you go from zero... Can you go from zero to a hundred just getting fucked? Like, if you're foreplay and all that shit, so you're kind of like nine-tenths of the way there, and then your prostate's getting hammered, so you come.

But, like, right now, you're basically going from soft. If someone starts fucking you in the ass, can you come? But you fucking are so turned on by this guy. Yeah, it's Skyler. Skyler comes in, and he fucks your ass. You're so turned on by this guy. Yeah, it's Skyler. Skyler comes in and he fucks your ass. You're so turned on already. But nobody's touched your dick at all. Yeah, there's no foreplay.

You go from pants on to dick and ass, no touching your dick. Are you coming? Oh, yeah. I don't know. I've never tried that, Kevin. Okay. All right. What are you doing out here then?

Let's myth bust it. Seriously. I've never tried Kevin with a pussy riding my my face, but I could come from it. See, that's the thing. When I see a female have an orgasm, I really want to know what that feels like. Yeah, because they're bugging, man. Dude, they go to another planet. They go crazy.

They come so hardly. And then when they keep rolling, it's like, you know. Yeah, and then they're shaking, and then you can kind of talk to them, and they still are coming. It's like, does that feel good? They just get straight dumb. They get dick dumb. Oh, they can't walk and shit?

I swear to God, you could ask them simple math, and they're not answering. I'm like, dude, I wish I could come this hard. Yeah, right? I wish I could come this hard real bad. This is the problem. You complain about how hard it is to come and I feel you because it probably is for you girls

but when you do, it's poppin' warm it's like a Mets championship people tell me about it about the Mets and I don't agree with it I remember you saying that recently I'm with you girls, I sympathize the theory on the female orgasm that I kind of figured out through my travels

is always kind of eat them out first. Mm-hmm. Everybody knows that. You guys are in your 30s. What are you, coming here telling me the sky's blue? No, no, no. If you eat them out first, you're just, you're on, your time's good. I said that, I told Whitney Cummings that.

You can come in 45 seconds. Eat them out first, they come, and they're like, fuck me. And then it's 45 seconds and they're good. And if somehow your dick game is good, it's icing on the cake. It's like, whatever, you know? Yeah.

But if it's bad, they're like, whatever. I already came a couple of times. Like, who cares? And if you're looking to last longer in bed, don't get Viagra.

Don't get Cialis. Get a antidepressant. You're never going to come, right? Dude, that turns you into a cocksmith. Yeah. Alexa pro.

First, it makes you good. Anti-anxiety. So, you know, general anxiety disorder gets rid of that for the most part. And then your penis stays hard forever. Aren't you upset you can't cum? No, I cum all the time. In the beginning.

So it's a good, like, because there's a tweet going viral that's like, me, I'm depressed. Like, them, here's a pill that makes you, like, never cum and, like, overweight. Yeah, yeah. And, you know i mean i'm on lexapro right now i'd be coming dog i'll be honest i get that lexapro bag yeah no that's what i'm saying lexapro if they said like hey man like side effects is like you could last a long time in bed i think a lot more people will be open antidepressants yeah it's one of the how viagra was accidentally discovered as like a heart medicine for old women

or something like that. Yeah, and then like, oh, this shit makes you hard. was trying to sell it. I was like, fuck this guy. I don't give a fuck. The day that I can't get a boner is going to be a rough day for me.

Well, I said, it's not that I, I mean. I'm talking all the time. Right. Not like drunk and just like, oh, you're so pretty, but my penis doesn't work. The first time that I couldn't get hard

from when I was like sober and I was just like, it's just not happening. Oh, that happened to you? I was like, this is some, I was like sober and I was just like, it's just not happening. I was like, this is some, I was like, that will never happen to me, dude. Never. Oh, it did happen to you though? Yeah, I'm 36 now, man. It's gonna happen.

I've had it happen, stone sober, but it wasn't because of, it happened like years ago where it was just like anxiety. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, you know, I had shit going on. Yeah, it was my mentals. Yeah, white people problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had shit going on. Yeah, it was my mentals. Yeah, white people problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at a house in the Hamptons.

I was like, I don't know if I'm ready. It's kind of me. I just got out of a relationship. This is such a beautiful home your parents have here. Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's why it happens, though. I guess you can be straight good in your brain, and your dick doesn't work just straight out of the blood flow.

I guess that hasn't happened to me yet. It becomes mental though. That's what I'm saying. For me, it's mental I guess. But that first time, I remember thinking like I need my dick to not be as hard all the time. I can't wait for some of that because my shit's always – You know what you said. And then when it does happen, it's like, oh, this is absolutely mortifying.

You know when that used to happen to me was when I went to put a condom on. My mind was taking off sex and now I'm doing science. Honestly? You know what I mean? So now I'm just like, oh, this thing is going away.

All it takes is like two seconds of not, you know, stimulation. We always say like the, Oxygen kills bones. Oxygen. That's true.

It's got to stay sealed. That's true. If it comes out to go do something else, you're done. You got to bury that shit. You got to seal it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thumb it in and never it comes out to go do something else, you're done. You've got to bury that shit. You've got to seal it up. Thumb it in and never take it out.

Because you don't... You just have to get it in there. And you can stay hard enough. You let it soak a little. Yeah. Just relax. Enjoy yourself a little bit. You know what I think, though, sometimes?

Cumming's great. That can't be. Cumming's the best. I think when you thumb it in... Put an ad right there. I think when you thumb it in. Put an ad right there. I think when you thumb it in and it's like three quarters and you think it's good, it's probably not for them. I think they're probably like, this feels like a floppy thing sitting in my pussy. No, they know.

They know. This thing is al dente at best. They know. They know. And they're like going along with it, but I think they're like, this just feels like. This dick is al dente at best. They know. They know exactly. And they're like going along with it, but I think they're like, this just feels like. But they're more, they're just as insecure, if not more, if you get soft inside them. Because they're like, he's not attracted to me. But he's so stupid.

I cannot. I mean, we've said this so many times on this show. Like when guys are like, it's not you, it's me. When that happens, it's like absolutely the fucking truth. We want to fuck you. But try something else like talk a little freakier get a little freaky nasty

that's what I mean let her spit on you we can get to the mountaintop everyone's gonna come today relax everyone in this room's gonna come we'll be fine I'm gonna sing you a lullaby or some shit

we'll get there, dude. You know what's kind of hot, too? Making a girl cum and then not having sex with her immediately after. Just like letting that sit for a moment? Let that sit because they want to fuck you twice as bad. And then you'll probably get a blowjob out of that.

So you make her cum and then you get up and do the dishes? Yeah, yeah. You're just like, yeah, hold that. Just like walk to the living room and just be like put do the dishes yeah yeah you're just like yeah hold that and then just like walk to the living room and just be like put the Knicks game on she's like where'd you go

I'm like oh like had to catch the second quarter I just wanted to finish you off and then it becomes super sexy that like you're not dependent on coming and then you get really good sex you know what story

Burt Kreischer told the other day when he fucked his wife for the first time when they first started dating he came he said he like he put it in and like came like it was like a matter of seconds.

That's awesome. And, uh, was wearing a condom, I guess. So he could kind of get away with it. He said his move that he did with like multiple people would be that he would pretend someone was breaking into the house. So he would come and not obviously not like, uh, he would just kind of try to come quietly and be like, did you hear that? Oh yeah.

Somebody, somebody's here. And he would get up, he would, you know, go out quietly and be like, did you hear that? Oh, yeah. Somebody's here. And he would get up. He would go out wherever, the living room, whatever, put on another condom, come back and be like, it's all good. It's all good. Let's get back to work. It's genius.

And she was like, I know you came, you idiot. Let's go. That is. But also props to him for being able to throw a condom on and, I guess, get back to work. I was going to say, yeah. Sometimes you just need to change the scenery, slap around a little bit, and then you're good. The helicopter. I've only had it happen once, Sometimes you just need to change the scenery. Slap around a little bit. I've only had it happen once and I turned into a full-blown

like that. And you know what? I brought up a fight earlier. I was like, you know what? Actually, the second I went in, came, same deal, in a condom and I was like, what am I going to do here? And I was like, yo, I'm not over that fight earlier. And we just like... The relationship mattered more. Yo, this is crazy

manipulated this isn't right and it's so fucked up you just gas lit a vagina yeah it's kind of fucked up out here gaslighting

puss it's not cool can we still say pussy puss I say puss I don't say pussy anymore

no like someone's a pussy no no no I'll call a person a pussy but like I anymore. No? Why? Because you're a pussy? Like, someone's a pussy? No, no, no. I'll call a person a pussy. But, like, I think it's worse if you call it a pussy. Yeah, but there's words you have to figure out with your partner that are acceptable to call their vagina. So, like, some girls are weird to be like, call it my flower.

I'm like, I don't want to do that. Bro, a chick tells me to call her a flower. Dude, the girls... This is a weird question, too. Like, the fucking... Like, the juvenile terms for pussy are that's so much grosser than like axe wound or some shit like that yeah yeah this is my hoo-ha yeah yeah they're like lick my lick my china i'm like no you're dead but also but a lot of words there are pro like like, pussy is kind of, like, vulgar, but, like, vagina feels like a doctor term, you know? Pussy is only good if they say it first.

Or if they say period, you know? A lot of pussies are coming out of my mouth at that point. They're like, eat my pussy? I'm like, whoa. Well, I also think there's a difference between, like, if you're in bed and if you're just, like, talking. Like, if a girl is just using pussy in a conversation about her pussy. Bro, I go pussy off the rim. You're not going to say cock either unless you're having sex.

I'm more gentle with cock than I am with pussy. Cock is only when you're in the heat of the moment. I feel like that's got to be. I think cock is only when I'm fucking hookers. Cock to me is like nuclear bomb shit. You got to turn your keys at the same time. We both got to say cock. We both got to be on the same page.

Like, suck my cock is so gross. It is. Suck my cock should be illegal to say. I'm all for freedom of speech. You guys are crazy. You drop a good suck my cock in the moment you're done. We're out here breaking ground. We're moving the culture along. She can say whatever the fuck she wants. Yeah, if you're both saying cock and you're on the same page together with cock and shit and fire. They can say cock. If you say suck my cock, we can't say cock anymore. Once they say cock and open the door to cock, you can say cock. No, I believe I can, but I don't, though. Because if they're like, I want that cock, I'll be like,

oh, you want this cock? I'm like, uh... Yeah. I also feel like cock... I crossed the line. I crossed the line. I'm sorry. I'll give you this penis. Yes. You know what? Because if you say you want this cock, that feels like you're about to deliver some dick. Like, you better back up. First of all, your dick better that feels like you're about to deliver some dick. You better be able to back up the cock. First of all, your dick better be huge if you're calling it cock.

Right. Because what I do, what I do. Don't bring a pee-pee to a cock fight. I don't use the word cock if I don't have one. What I should say is I'm going to give you this penis. My penis is not a cock, bro. You're going to get some penis sex. You're not going to get some cock sex.

You're getting straight pee-pee tonight. You're going to get some penis sex. You're not going to get some cock sex. You're getting straight pee pee tonight. You're going to get my wee wee, my willy. You're about to get my willy in your vagina, not my cock in your puss, okay? So let's agree. Over six and a half inches with some girth can say cock, right? I mean, I don't meet the specifications, but what I'm saying is you better have a monster if you're going to say it. If you're a man and going to say cock, a girl can call anything she wants. A girl can literally do and say whatever she wants.

They've got that right to call a penis whatever they want. I want the girls to start doing this now. If someone calls it a cock and they don't have it, if someone says suck my cock and they don't have a cock, take out a picture of a cock and toss. I'd be like, that's not a cock. This is a cock. Get out your vibrator.

Get out your fucking dildo. That's a cock. Are you intimidated? That's not a cock. You went crocodile ducky on his dick. It's funny because it's true. You can't lie on your dick like that calling it a cock. Your dick is down there.

I just got a fucking Charlie horse from laughing too hard. This is the oldest moment of my life. That's 36. No boners and Charlie horses from laughing. Oh, my God. Let me ask you this, though. Going back to the... Your cock would be looking at you going,

what are you doing calling me a cock, bro? Come on, you're writing a chapter 10 cast here. See, I don't like to ask girls what they prefer, but I wanted to ask you, you have a daughter, what does she... No, no, just give me a second. Give me a second.

Give me a second. Come on, bro. I know, when I become a parent, I'm not going to give my kid, like, play names for their vagina and shit. Like, I'm just going to give my kid like play names for their vagina and shit. Like, I'm just going to be like, that's your private parts. Like, that's your vagina. Like, I feel weird because I feel it's weird.

It's weird to be like, all right, let's take Mr. Timmy out. Like, people like name their kid. Even shit like my swimsuit area. Genitalia shit. Like, why are you naming your kid's genitalia? Because then on the chance you have a weird kid who just continues saying it his whole life, you're like, what the fuck? People are like, did your parents touch you?

Because that's the only reason you would be stunted in this age. Like, if a girl was just like, fucking eat my flower, baby. I'm just like, who gave you that name? Like, your fucking dad probably, yeah. I don't want that. I don't even like saying potty and pee-pee and poo-poo and all that. You just say you have to go potty, right? I don't even, I do say that, but I don't want that. I don't like saying potty and pee-pee and poo-poo and all that. You just say you have to go potty, right? I do say that, but I don't like potty.

I'll be like, yo, you have to go to the bathroom? You got to take a shit or what, man? Go piss. But I will also say the problem is I think you got to come up with something because like right now, I don't even know what I'm going to talk about. My kids just call everything butt. I got to pee out of my butt. They just think the whole thing is butt.

See, that's good. I want my kids to be as dumb as possible. I'm not saying your kids are dumb. I'm just saying I want my kids to be dumb and just be like, oh, I got to pee out my butt. I'm like, this kid's cool. This kid gets it. And then when he comes home and goes, somebody touched my butt, I'm going to say kid's cool. That's basically what they're doing. This kid gets it. And then when he comes home and goes,

somebody touched my butt, I'm going to say, which butt? Front butt or back butt? Basically, we got front butt and back butt. Yeah, now we have a case. I think that's Mattel's fault. Mattel. It's all butt. Dolls are all butt.

They even put the butt on the front. You can give it slick if you want, but they have it butt-like. There's like a little... Also, Barbie didn't have a vagina. Ken didn't have no pee-pee either. Ken has a pee-pee. He didn't have a cock. Ken's got a cock.

No, Ken's got a cock. No. You think Ken had a cock? Ken had a fucking cock. With like a five-inch inseam bathing suit. Just fucking... Dick rodded it. Just fucking...

No, no, no. Bust your head sticking out. Ken has a thin but long and very clean circumcised cock. Oh, he's definitely circumcised. He's so scared. That goes without saying. That goes without saying. That's what it is.

Are you circumcised? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. You guys suck. Oh, no. Let me tell you something.

I can smell your dick from here. That's why you're wearing a Dior. That's why he's covered up with a Dior. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. For all you guys that are uncircumcised out here, we have had enough. I want you to stand up right now. I want you to take a pass to that.

I want you to look at that fucking hooded penis. And I want you to stand there fucking proud and say, this is my penis. This is my original, natural, fucking as God created, or whoever you believe is up there just making rules. Can your next freestyle? That's your penis, my friend. Okay? And you fucking be proud of your Italian heritage. Or Italians on Clubfellas?

Oh, yeah. Italians, Greeks, and, like, people who were born in Europe that aren't, like, Russian Jews. Can your next freestyle be about uncovered, unsnipped dicks? Hell yeah, dawg. Represent for all the uncovered. I'll do a whole mixtape called Tales from the Hood. And it's gonna be all uncircumcised

tracks. I swear, yo, the uncircumcised community will flock to you if your next joints are about fucking... Uncircumcised dicks are coming back, dude. I don't know what you're thinking, man. Because, you know what? What are you going to tell me? It feels better for the girl? No! I'm not going to say anything about that. I gotta spend an extra 30 seconds in the shower.

I'm always late to things because of my penis. I think it was Winnie saying that. I was almost late to here because I had to clean my penis. ASAP. And I'm wearing sweatpants. It's going to get fuzzy. You know what I mean? Winnie Cummings has a theory that uncut guys are... She got peed on, man. Yes. Big time. Big time? She has a theory that uncut guys are...

Big time. She has a theory that all uncut guys are actually the most clean because they learn about cleaning their dick early and they clean everything, so you guys are actually the most... And I'm like, I don't think you know guys. There's a lot of guys who just let that shit rock.

My thing, I had a very uncomfortable relationship with my uncircumcised penis for a long time. That was a long statement. That's a mouthful. That should be the name of the mixtape. I had a very uncomfortable relationship with my uncircumcised penis for a long time. Because, I don't know about you kids nowadays, but we used to get naked in front of each other. And people would make fun of my penis all the time. I bet.

Why would you get naked in front of people? Because you want to know why? Because I wanted to be a fucking trendsetter. And I'm telling you now, people are worried about the environment. People are worrying more about plastic and shit. People are going to start worrying about cutting their kids' foreskins off.

I actually don't disagree with you. I think there is... And you're Jewish, right? I'm not Jewish. Oh, Feidelberg. I'm just undercover. So I was like, you had to, right? I'm not Jewish. Oh, Feidelberg. So I was like, you had to get it cut. That's why. I heard Feidelberg. Feidelberg, I should be Jewish.

I'm not. So your credit's like 650. If you were Jewish, you'd be like 810. I think I hit 670. You hit 670. Fred Carbo refreshes like every three days. This is still good to go. I've never met a Jewish guy with bad credit.

Never in my life. Everything you just to be good to go. I've never met a Jewish guy with bad credit. Never in my life. Everything you just said is true, though. Yeah, even the credit thing. Listen, all my friends are Jewish and their credit is immaculate. They bring out these credit cards that weigh 478 pounds. I like this thing. I'm just like, damn, bro.

We've been buying the whole restaurant. Here's my fucking Red Bank of America ATM card. Pins 2468. I'm 33 years old. I had a debit card until I was 29. Bro, I had a debit card until last month. Credit cards are a slippery slope. Yes, that's why I don't fuck with them.

They're very scary. I have one, and I put big expenses on it in case shit goes wrong Cause the express always has your back. And you got kids and shit. But like, yeah, but like, but my everyday spending, I don't really fuck with it because it sneaks up on you and all of a sudden you're like, Uh, I maxed this shit out. Do you want to know how much I spent on Ubers last year? Oh.

$17,000. Oh, shoot. What, bro? I spent 17 grand on Ubers. That's some Brewster's Million shit. How can you spend a million dollars in a day without anything to show for it? About being a fucking asshole. Ubers, bro? I spent 17 grand on Ubers. That's some Brewster's Million shit. How can you spend a million dollars a day without anything? About being a fucking asshole. Ubers, bro. Ubers and fucking DoorDash.

But at least DoorDash, you're getting some food. You get some... I don't know. I guess even Uber, you're getting some convenience. But half the time in this city, you're sitting in traffic for fucking half the time. My thing is I don't ride the subway. I haven't been on the subway in four years. I'm a huge subway.

I love the subway. See, yeah, but you look like you belong there. I'm not trying to make fun of you. You can protect yourself. Like, they see that mustache and they're like, I'm gonna give them some space. You know what I mean? I'm in there smelling like Dior. I got a fucking Rolex on and shit. I don't belong down there.

I'm afraid. And it started actually... He's just like, you're a dirtball, bro. No, no, no, no, no. I love Final Fantasy. He can do no wrong in my house. No, he fuck I love Final Fantasy. He can do no wrong in my house. No, he fucks with me hard. He can do no wrong. You have to play the part on the subway. You have to be a stone cold killer

down there. You gotta have the look. You gotta have the fucking... You got peacock up there. Yeah, you gotta peacock and fucking put your shoulders out and shit. I'm not doing all that. I'm a fucking pussy. If a guy came up to me, he could be 47 years old and be like, I'm raising money for my youth basketball team. I'll give him all the money.

I'm like, here's all this money, sir. What was the last time you were in a fight? That's a good question. About three years ago, I beat the fucking shit out of someone in a van store. In a van store? In a sneaker store. For what?

I just got out of the mental hospital. So I had to make sure they all knew we made the right choice. Yeah. Go fight someone with their slip-ons. They were like, ah, fuck. So I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I quit all of it, like cold turkey,

and started getting horrible panic and anxiety from it. From quitting or from doing it? From just withdrawal and not doing it. You know what I mean? Schneef was great. I loved it. It was awesome. It's one of the most fun drugs.

Don't ever try it. What is it? Cocaine. Cocaine, Schneef. Such a loser. Yeah, it's all right. You're dead. It's all right.

You don't fuck with it. But you're also 36, so your cocaine was like actually cocaine. Nowadays, don't do that shit. Yeah, now you're going to fuck with that. Yeah, it's all right. You're a dad. It's all right. You don't fuck with it. But you're also 36, so your cocaine was like actually cocaine. Nowadays, don't do that shit. It's just meth. Yeah, now you're gonna fuck with that. Yeah, don't do that shit now.

But I had like a nervous breakdown and I went to Lenox Hill Hospital. Shout out Lenox Hill Hospital. Shout out. Yeah, so I was there. Just got out there. Yeah, baby. Just got out there.

There's a lot of people over there. I was there for three days. Just did a bit myself. I was there for three days and like I never went to therapy or anything. I have an Italian and Puerto Rican mom. Absolutely. Therapy was just like, get something thrown at you.

That was it. So I never really had that. So I learned I actually got diagnosed with bipolar when I was there, which was kind of like I was embarrassed about that, too. I was more embarrassed about my uncut penis. But bipolar, I was afraid to that too. I was more embarrassed about my uncut penis. But bipolar, I was afraid to tell my friends and family and shit. But when I got out, I was still very high on edge.

Like very on edge. So I was with my ex at the time, and we were in the van store. And this guy would not shut the fuck up. He's like, I've been fucking waiting here for my fucking Black Panther collab van sneakers, screaming at the top of his lungs. And I'm like, yo, bro. I'm like, dude, you're going to get your sneakers. Because now my heart's going like this. And I'm like, yo, like, hey, man, listen, like, we're all going to get our shoes.

Like, it's all good. I was there looking for shoes to go to Italy with. So I was just like, yo, we're all going to get our shoes. And he goes, was I talking to you? So I let that go. I'm going to let that go. I'm sorry. Someone's like, was I talking to you?

I'm like, you know what? This guy's having a bad day. I said, all right, that's fine. He keeps cursing and keeps yelling like, this fucking place sucks. I've been waiting here 45 minutes. And I was like, yo, bro, now you have to stop. Please, please stop. And he goes, this is none of your business again to me.

And then my ex makes the mistake and goes, it's everyone's business because everyone can hear you yelling in the store. And then he goes to me, he goes, control your wife. And the only comeback that I could think of to say was, she's not my wife. Man, I barely know this. I'm not even married, bro. I haven't signed a single paper, bro. We've only been dating for six months.

Only spent one Valentine's Day together, motherfucker. She didn't even call it a cock. She still calls it my penis, man. She just saw my pee-pee for the first time last night. And it's uncut, so fuck you, pal! So I it my penis man she just saw my peepee for the first time and it's uncut so fuck you pal so i was just like she's not my wife and i was like oh dude no and then he was like you know what i'm not good they were like all right sir calm down like we're gonna get you your shoes or wherever he goes you know what i'm not buying these shoes unless you kick him and his ugly ass wife out of here this is obviously a white guy right

yeah super white um so i let it i literally do the most movie shit ever i go what'd you say what'd you say and he goes to open his mouth and i tell you dude and i tell you i landed the cleanest shot that i've ever landed ever in the history of my life and i used to box for like six or seven years you could throw hands so i could throw them so i landed the cleanest fucking overhand left that i've ever landed in my life and this guy just folds like a fucking lawn chair in the middle of the van store but now so just one shot one and done yeah but now remember So just one shot, one and done. Yeah, but now remember, I just... Like literally knocked out? Yeah.

So now, listen, I'm in the... I'm... Just out of hospital. So I have a lot of pent up stuff. So I kept hitting him. Oh no. So you know, have you ever seen the movie Jarhead? Yeah, but I don't recall it. Alright, so there's like a scene where like, he freezes

and like pisses his pants and you can't hear anything. I couldn't hear anything. I was just like, yeah, it was like, and then it all came through to me with this fucking Vans manager, he was like, Yo man, stop bro! Like mad slow motion, I would snap back, he was like, dude, chill! And he was like bleeding out of his mouth. Oh, were you just

wailing on him? Yeah, it was bad. I know it was like those World Star videos where their hands are like It was bad. So if you see like my hand here,

see how there's no knuckle here? I lost it in him. I lost it inside him. What? So you see like my What does that even mean? Did you kill him? No, no, no, no.

How do you lose a knuckle in somebody? No. Yeah, I've broken my hands before, but I've completely shattered my hand. Just got after it. So that happened. That story happened. This was like 10 years ago.

So like statute of limitations or God, I think. Did nothing? No, no. What happened was I even called. Did you just run? Oh, no. So what happened was he was not moving so now i go from to please get up yeah yeah please get up i'm so sorry please get up so he gets up and

he like comes to a little bit i think it's like a tooth came out um and he sits on the thing and just sits on the thing goes i want my shoes so he like don. Don't fucking sneer at him. No, because as soon, the thing was, was as soon as he said you and his ugly ass wife out of here, the entire store groaned. Yeah. Now I'm challenged. I'm a fucking man now. I was like, I know I have to do something. And then there was this like typical white dude.

He was like, come on, man. Like when he said that. Gee will it curse! I was like, that's not cool, bro! For God's sake! So I'm like, I can't let this guy stick up for my girl at the time. I don't need your help right now. You're making it worse. Yeah. So I was like, dude, I have to kill this man. So I did that, and for some reason,

I was like, I have to run away now. Like, you know, because I'm not... I'll tell you the fucking reason! You're gonna go to jail! Yeah, and the Vans people were like all burnt out, so they're like, I have to run away now. Like, you know, because I'm not going to reason. I'll tell you the fucking reason. You're going to go to jail. And the Vans people were like all burnouts. They're like, oh, man, like, I think I got a file of report about this, brother. And I was just like, yo, I'm going to go. But he was being such a dick that they kind of were like, get the fuck out. This guy was harassing staff.

And I felt, and he took a step towards me. Yeah. I'm off meds. I'm very anxious. And my personal space was invaded. I'm going to light you up. Yeah. So I'm off meds. I'm very anxious. And my personal space was invaded. I'm going to light you up. So I'm scared. I'm a better fighter if I'm terrified.

I'm not a macho man at all. So that, my ex actually takes napkins out of her bag and throws them to him, which was kind of cool. That's that fucking rush hour. Yeah, clean yourself up. You got blood on you. You're dead. Light yourself up. You're dead. Bite yourself off.

You're bleeding. So for me, I think I'm like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. I throw her in a cab. Shaving your beard. Yeah, yeah. I run three blocks, get out of the cab, jump in another one. But yeah, that was like three years ago, three and a half years ago. I've retired, though, since.

Yeah, let's keep those knuckles intact, bro. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, I've never been a physical person ever in my life, besides playing football. But in that moment, so much things, so much things, so many things in my life just came to this screeching halt. And I couldn't function as a person normally.

I just couldn't do normal things. I couldn't shower shower by myself i couldn't go to the bathroom i couldn't go to work by yourself oh boy dude it was terrible yeah it was terrible shower and shower with someone is even worse than that dude having somebody having somebody sit there and watch you fucking shower is fucking embarrassing but i'm afraid to close the shower curtain this is how bad my anxiety and my panic was why it was Was it just, I don't know, just like a mental thing? Bro, when you do a lot of drugs and then you do a lot of alcohol and then you stop doing that, your brain needs those receptors. So now everything that you fucked up in your brain is looking for those things. And my brain could not find them.

So my brain was like, who are you? Dude, I thought people were coming after me for days. But what specifically is like the the shower and not being alone? You just have this feeling of impending doom that you're going to die. So just someone to be there, like, it's all good. You're okay, you're okay. So when I first started having panic attacks,

I went to the ER nine nights in a row. Jesus. With no insurance. I had to pay $75,000 in medical bills. You had that? I didn't pay it. Yeah. I got a $100,000 in medical bills. You had that? I didn't pay it. Yeah. I got a $100,000 in medical bills.

Yeah, I don't pay that. They literally sent it to me. Shout out Lennox Hill. They were like, oh, it's like $74,000. I literally ripped it up and threw it in the trash and just watched the baseball game. I think that they send medical bills, and they're just like, we hope you pay,

and if you don't, whatever. Yeah, because- But if you're a sucker and you do, bonus for us. So what I had to do was I went and got my chest checked, everything checked, blood, brain. I was like, I just need to make sure that I'm not physically really dying. And all these doctors were just like, bro, you're not dying, dude. Like, you're actually good.

You have diabetes, but we'll get to that later. You know what I mean? But he's like, but other than that, you're good, bro. Dude, at least they were nice. I remember the first time I went for a panic attack, and they were like, sit in the corner. He's a bottle of water. Stop being a pussy.

And I just sit in the corner with some Orthodox Jewish dude bleeding out. And I was like, all right, I get it. I probably shouldn't be here. Right. The first time I ever had one was cocaine related. So I'm sitting with a friend of mine. We're playing NBA 2K18. And I'm fucking just doing a a line did a little bum ski and i said oh no i said uh-oh there's i think there's

something going on because this ain't the usual cocaine stuff that i feel so i'm like dude what's going on so now i'm hyperventilating which is something you do when you have panic disorder um so i'm hyperventilating, and I almost pass out. And my boy's like, holy fuck, man. Holy shit, bro. Somebody laced this shit. Fuck, man. So I'm like, yo, you got to get me to a hospital.

I get to a hospital, and the nurse is like, did you do any drugs tonight? I was like, no. No. Totally natural. Just a strike. Yeah, that's what you do. No, no. It's like when you were a kid, and they were like, do you smoke weed?

And I'm like, no. But they rip open my shirt. I get in there. They go, is it your heart? And I go, yeah. So they think it's my heart. So they're strapping the fucking AED or whatever the thing is. What is that thing called when they test your?

EKG. EKG. AED, I'd be dead. EKG. And then the nurse is there and I go, psst, I did some cocaine. I tell her, I go, I've come closer. I was like, I did a little cocaine. And then she was like, all right, thank you for being on it.

Now we can do other things. I'm having this panic attack, right? It's so bad. I'm like, my friend is there. I think I'm going to die. I pull him close, too. I go, go back and clean my apartment. Because if I died, I don't want my parents to be like, oh, this guy's a fucking drug addict loser, dying all over the place.

So I was like, OK. So they're like, all right, so what's going on? I was like, it's my heart. They're like, oh, you know, they're doing the test. They gave me some Ativan. Literally a minute later, I was walking around. I'm like, what's up, guys? I was like, what are you doing?

I was like, you OK? I was like, yeah, I think I can go home now. And then I went home and did more and went back to the hospital. So that's why I knew. I was like, yo, I have to stop. You've got to be the dumbest motherfucker alive. I'm telling you, bro, when you hear people coming here and talking about it. Nine nights in a row, you're like Norm in Cheers, bro.

It's like, hey, Danny's back. What up? 132, go ahead. Fucking Cass and shit. That's when i knew i had a problem though and that's when i was like yo bro i'm gonna go and get this help and i haven't used drugs or drank since you got the podcast too right you got a mental health podcast i got a mental health podcast yeah uh one-on-one life uh called off the cuff where um we talk to licensed therapists we talk to professional athletes actors um and also the listeners too so we do that and we talk to licensed therapists, we talk to professional athletes, actors, and also

the listeners, too. We do that, and we talk about our mental health journeys, what we're going through, and try to just normalize it. I like to tell people I was crazy before it was cool. You know what I'm saying? I'm retro crazy. It's hard to...

I don't want to ever make fun of or belittle anybody if you're coming out and talking about it. But there's, you know, there's a lot of, like, bandwagon shit going on right now. My thing with this is. All right, we know. My thing with this, especially, like, being a mental health advocate myself, don't say you have something unless you've been tested and. Diagnosed, right? It did diagnose.

And I'm not saying just like, oh, God, like, I'm so OCD today. That shit doesn't bother me. Yeah. But it's going to bother other people. And they're going to be like, dude, there's some girl pulling four hairs out of her head. I can't leave the house. I can't leave the house. And you're just like, you have OCD because you cleaned your room?

That's not how it works. I don't like dust. Measuring stick shit. Your struggle's not hard enough, but you do have to recognize there's levels to it yeah like there's levels to it i really only like to talk to people that have a medical diagnosis or in their medical uh professional because one they know way more than i'm talking about i just have cool stories about getting fucked up yeah that's what i always have like i'm like i am not someone who's like gonna like i'm gonna entertain you with what happened to me i'm never gonna try and

give you advice. I'm just going to tell a story. You can laugh at it if you want. You can vent. You can relate. I'm not here to educate. I take medication, and it works for me. But I don't go around just being like, yo, guys, you got to do that.

Do whatever you and your family and your circle want you to do. And by circle, I mean the medical professionals around you. It's just we've gotten to a place with mental health where it's very easy to claim a lot of stuff. And that's perfectly fine. And I'm not here, like you said, to be the measuring stick and say this person's not depressed. But go see a doctor and somebody who went to college for 14 fucking years that really knows what's going on with you.

Yeah. Because one, let's try and fix the problem. And two, don't spread the message unless it's not authentic. Yeah, absolutely. I think in the mental health world,

we're kind of in this limbo where we talk about it so much that people will be desensitized if you don't go and get that get looked at by a doctor looking at though gets dangerous if you think you have one

maybe just live with the one I remember the first time I went and then I got my receipt and it was like you got three and I was like I got three and then I just had one all the boxes I'm googling what codes mean and shit. People have struggles.

I got an 089, a 072, a 1540. I don't got anxiety about the anxiety, son of a bitch. That's why it's like, it's hard for me to say, it'd be hard for me to say I'm depressed if it wasn't, you okay? Oh, God. What happened? He's depressed. Yeah, definitely. Is that a camera? Did you hit your lip with it? It'd be hard for me to say I'm depressed if it wasn't you okay? He's depressed Cock a tail end

Double shot Were you one of those red lip G with those kids? Who the fuck wasn't a red-lipped Gatorade kid? No, I feel like they just let it sit like this. I'm like, dude, you're a freshman in high school. Stop drinking Gatorade like that. Put your whole mouth on it. It was just stained. It was just stained. Fucking stained. They would get like, remember Vita Pup?

Like slushy mouth and shit. I'm like, dude, you're not going to get any chicks with this fucking red lip. Did you go through Accutane? No, I never had acne in my life. But did your school, was that your generation? Yeah, I went, yeah, my, the kids, I had kids who had like their skin fucking

falling off. Oh, they had like, they had Popovich face? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just looked like young Popovich. Edward James almost, yeah. Pulling off chunks of it. Apparently like that makes you into like a murderous fucking maniac too. Oh yeah, you straight suicide. Oh, I was suicidal, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, we've said that once. Well, we're like the most tested on generation. They're like, here, this kid needs Oh, that was suicidal. Everybody killed themselves. That was, we've said that once. You want to kill yourself.

We're like the most tested on generation. They're like, here, this kid needs medicine. Try this one. And then like, you had like a couple, you had a pimple on picture day for prom. And you're like, mom, I need to see a dermatologist. And he's like, all right, try this. And you're like, now you're trying to hang yourself

in the attic. You have one pimple or you're jumping off a bridge. It's good three days. Instead of giving this kid Accutane, just throw him a little fucking concealer, a little contour. Teach a motherfucker how to contour. Teach a motherfucker how to contour, then he can be a makeup artist. He can turn into a thing.

Acne can be, you know, obviously debilitating if it's real bad. But also with all this shit, sometimes it's like you're going to go through just like struggles in life. That doesn't mean you have like a mental health problem with your brain. It's just like you're going through a patch where like work is hard or family's hard or whatever. Or you're going through puberty, which is normal to feel weird. But you should also talk to a therapist then. Yeah, no doubt. You know what I mean?

I think everybody should just have to talk to a therapist. Everyone should have to talk to a therapist. It should be mandatory in school that they talk to somebody that's not related to who fucking was the ninth president. Nobody gives a shit. You know, teach a kid how to write a fucking check. shit. Teach a kid how to write a fucking check. Teach a kid how to save money. Teach a kid how to buy land and invest.

Something I'm still learning at 33 years old. Teach him how to buy Shiba Inu. Yeah, teach him how to buy Shiba Inu and stop teaching the kid fucking Latin. Nobody fucking uses it. Nobody needs to do long division either. We have calculators, you fucking dork.

Nothing's a bigger flex than a fucking math teacher. Like, dude, we get it. You're a fucking nerd. Like, I don't need to hear that shit. There's that guy who goes viral, I guess it was years ago. He could just look at all the numbers really quickly. I just wish I was a nerd. Isn't that guy?

I just wish I was a nerd. Nerds are hot, man. Yeah, I mean, you're coming from a place of jealousy, yeah. I'm coming from anything you say, I say maliciously, is from a place of jealousy. I'm just letting you guys know now. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like Adele Skinny now, I'm mad at her. I thought she was one of us, you know?

Yeah, she's a traitor. She's a traitor because here's why she's a traitor. I don't know how she got there, but I'm happy for her. Who cares? My thing is, even if she got there with but I'm happy for her. Who cares? My thing is, you get there with money, you get there with hard work, who cares? Yeah, that's why

I don't want to hate, that's a very like, don't hate the player, hate the game situation. Yeah, I got money or whatever, I'm going to pay for this, I'm going to pay for that,

and I'm going to get there. Fuck you. I wish that I could get a lap band and just eat a fucking egg every day. And feel good, like I'm full? Yeah, it'd just be like that,

but I just know I have, I just love food, you know what I mean? Like, exercise is trash. Exercise is garbage. Diet is really garbage. Diet is garbage, but I will tell you, in terms of mental health, now that I've started to exercise more, I actually sleep at night, and I feel a lot better about myself in terms of being insecure, uncircumcised penis or not.

I feel a lot better so that's what try things my my only advice is try things before you try you know medicine and stuff just try stuff because i'll tell you this i had to get off benzodiazepines for my panic disorder and that was a pain in the ass like this is things they don't tell you yeah you know so there was a pain in the ass. Like, this is things they don't tell you. You know? So there was a lot that went into it. I did it very scientifically. Don't do it without a doctor being around. They're there. You know what I mean? Especially if you have health insurance.

You know? I love health insurance. Yeah, and if you don't, just don't pay the bill. Yeah, and then if you don't, just tell people you have a problem, and they'll figure it out. People will tell me all the time, like, I don't have health insurance. I'm like, bro, just go. You don't have to fucking pay that shit. Yeah, really, seriously, just don't do it. Like, you're gonna wanna fucking hurt yourself?

It doesn't hurt your credit, all that shit. Over a $4,000 bill? Bro, live in that bitch. It really, it's, there's no reason to pay for it. No. Just don't do it. If you learn anything from me today, do not pay medical bills. That seriously is the biggest fucking lesson you can learn. Okay. Teach third graders.

One day, someone's going to call you an ambulance, which is totally unnecessary, and it's going to cost $3,000. Just don't pay it. Yeah, bro. Save that money, get veneers, and start a fucking TikTok. You don't have to worry about all that shit. How's the podcast with your brother going? It's going great. It's going great.

The latest Halloween freestyle was fucking fire. I appreciate that. Freestyle, for me, I started doing latest Halloween freestyle was fucking fire. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Freestyle for me, I started doing it when I was like 10. Because my brother is 40. So he would get rap albums when they were cassettes. And he would throw them to me.

He'd be like, yo, listen to this album. And it would be like Cool G Rap. It'd be Capone and Noriega. It would be Onyx. All my favorites. Yeah. It would be Cam'ron from back in the my favorites yeah yeah it would be it would be cameron from back in the day like confession to fire yeah cameron uh before like goofy dips that

shit um tribe called quest all that so i had this ear already to i don't even i don't rhythm i don't think i mean yes you need that but like you i could listen to all the music i want and just you you guys have i mean you got a diss track out there, though. I mean, I got that. You know what I mean? You push shit on wax is all I know. I don't want to fucking say the wrong thing. I may end up getting dissed on this kind of thing. When you can freestyle, though, I feel like you need a brain that one part of the brain's working

while the other part of the brain's thinking two levels ahead. You want to know why I started really doing it, though? White girls think it's really cool. The best. White girls will fuck anybody a white girl sees a guy rapping and it makes sense you got a shot brother

especially when you're 16 you know what I mean he's cute he raps when we had Cal from Time Flies come through the office he did like a 3 minute freestyle where he just walked through the office and everybody handed him a different word and i mean it was puddles it was that's what i'm saying it was a tsunami coming through the and they don't understand they don't really have to understand

any of it as long as you accept it to the pan it's not to be the man they're like oh this motherfucker's spinning you know what i? That's why it becomes a situation where I was like, yo, white girls really think this is cool. I'm a Puerto Rican Italian kid in this all-Jewish town. You're standing out. Let's ruin some families. You know what I mean? Let's have some very unhappy fathers.

Yeah, let's get some dads upset. My GPA's a 1.9. Everything's off. You are a slot receiver, so he's like, he's got some white blood in him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I was 5'9", 185 pounds. I catch football.

They're like, that's where the white checks out. His scoring time isn't great. Shoots his free throws. Yeah, for me, it was literally, yeah, I could shoot free throws with the best of them. But for me, that's really what it became is people were like, yo, just start rapping. So I used to rap every day. But for me, that's really what it became is people were like, yo, just start rapping. So I used to rap every day. And me and my brother would rap battle each other every day.

So when we were developing the show, I said, what could make us really stand out from other podcasts and other shows? And I was like, we're going to do an original song every week. Which is fucking hard. So we have 40 episodes. An original song or like a freestyle? Original song. hard so we have an original song original freestyle original song dude we have songs with hooks right yeah yeah yeah then we just do freestyles so you you have one written every every week and then a freestyle i don't write shit yeah it's always just all the time i don't write anything yeah no so and my brother i'll just be like yo just catch it we'll listen to the beat i'm like yo i'm gonna go to one and then just come in with like a chorus or you come in with it chorus. It's so funny.

Fuck it, too. The way you guys cut it. The latest freestyle where you're spitting and he's like. Oh, he's just there with the knife dancing. It's very funny. There'll be times where if he's not feeling the beat, I'll be like, dude, I'll just do a freestyle for three minutes. It's crazy. You go for a long time.

Yeah. And it's good, though. There is a lot of freestyle, like you said, where you just rhyme man and fan and you kind of like good though yeah there is a lot of freestyle like like you said where it's like you just rhyme like man and fan and then you kind of repeat it and you do a lot of like that's an awful hot coffee pot yeah i love that line though i love that fucking line that's one of my favorite years has like multiple syllables and like callbacks see like even like roan that works here, I admire what those guys do. But he always says, like, because I think, you know, that shit's crazy,

but he's like, the guys who can do it off the top. Yeah, because this dude's remembering fucking four rounds. This guy's remembering a fucking syllabus and shit. Like an album in his brain. Yeah, and he's just like coming at this dude about his mom, and it all makes sense, and like, you know, he's killing it.

So I remember when I first talked to him, I was like, you know, he's killing it. So I remember when I first talked to him, I was like, dude, I really admire what you guys can do because I can't even remember my own fucking address. So the fact that those guys can do all that shit. That's crazy that you can't, like, your brain can't do one thing, but it can do what it can do. Yeah, I'm sure there's a scientific reason

for it. I just chalk it up to being stupid. That's what I do. I swear to God, donate your brain to science because I want to see, like. For sure. I would love to see what, you know, brain functions going on when you guys are freestyling. I don't want to see the results. Not much. But, no, like, for us, that's why I was like, dude, now when we go do tours and shows, we have a music element to our show.

That nobody else has. That nobody else really has. Nobody else is really doing that. Every song... Yo, people just watch our show for the songs sometimes. But can you... Could you do it again? You can't do it more than once. 100% I could. No, you can't. You can't do the same freestyle.

No, if I was gonna do a live show, I want people to have their own freestyle. But if they're like, yo, do fucking... I can't ask you to do... live show, I want people to have their own freestyle. Right, okay. But if they're like, yo, do fucking... Like, I can't ask you to do, that's just how it is. No, but I'll do it, though. That is the funniest. That's just how it is.

And another reason... It's just mumbling. It's so fucking funny. It's like, not real words, but it is. That's one of our huge ones. My brother kills it. My brother blacks out on it, and he doesn't make any sense. That is how it is.

That is how it is. That's how it is. Our other thing, too, is we like to kind of flip hip-hop on its head a little bit. So rap music is notoriously homophobic. Extremely homophobic. The gayest rappers in the world. They are so homophobic. If it wasn't for Jack Harlow, rap music would still be super homophobic. Like, if it wasn't for Jack Harlow, like, rap music would still be, like, super homophobic. It still is.

So we'll do, like, a lot of gay rapper shit because we just want to – it's so ironic that even if a dude was gay and had fire bars, he's gay. He's gay. Like, Lil Nas X is not a lyricist. He just makes very catchy music. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And like he'll say he's gay one day and then he's not. Like so I'm still, I'm not figured out on Lil Nas yet. But besides him

he has to go I love that he goes full scent. Oh yeah. He ain't taking no half gay measures. He's going full. No, yeah. And that's what you have to measures. He's going full. No, yeah. And that's what you have to do. And I hope there's some other rappers out there that are super talented and can break that mold. But we just do that because it's super ironic to hear a rapper with fire bars

also be super sus. The video, it's like the producer with the gay ad-libs. Oh, yeah. Let me suck that dick from the back, boy. It's like a gay DJ premiere. It's so funny because there's really a lot, like, suck my dick from the back and let me see that dick, boy. But then there's one that's just like, I've been in the gym working out. Oh, you've been in the gym, huh?

Yeah, so like chopping up gay samples. That shit is funny because it's just a naturally. And that's the other thing, though, too, is in rap music, you can really say a lot. Because the people that are usually doing it, their ancestors went through a lot.

Their struggle is different. It doesn't give them a right to be fucking homophobes. But the other thing, too, is you don't hear that in country. There's a lot of G's in manhattan like they're not gonna do that you know it's like too many gays outside the net like they're not gonna do it you know that's why it's hip-hop is a very weird you love hip-hop do you like hip-hop i didn't i'm not are you okay with it i i couldn't tell you it's tough for us because when they say the N-word, we don't know what to do.

You know what I mean? You might say it in the shower. I'm not saying you. I'm just saying you might say it in the shower, but if you go to a live concert, you're going to gauge. You're going to gauge the audience. You know what is funny, too, though? You're going to see how many mouths are moving. You're going to read the room for a moment.

And everyone that goes to concerts are white. It's such a useful word in rap, too. It's the best filler word of all time. The fact that it rhymes with trigger and bigger and like there's just so many things that

You gotta throw an A on both of those. Kevin said that and I slid back and like, Jesus! He was like, it's bigger!

Trigger! I was like, no! No! Don't tell him! But I think Lil Dicky was the one saying that, too. Like,'m just like, no! No! Don't tell him. I think Lil Dicky was the one saying that too. He's like, I wish I could use it. It's so useful in rap, but I can't.

And then people came out after him. They were like, he made Chris Brown say the N-word 45 times. I was like, he didn't say it though. Right. It's fucking common. Right. It's very hard. Now when every sorority girl in the world filmed themselves screaming it 45 times

was a different story. That's a tough one. That's a hard one. And they're like, what? What? What'd I say? Chris Breezy!

It was one thing when they would get caught singing like Gold Digger or something. That song, where you say it so many times in a row. Yeah, it's a lot.

You had a lot of times to check yourself. It's a lot. And you didn't. But that's why New York is a weird kind of place, because Dominicans and Puerto Ricans, they use it a lot. Right. And it's like... But if you go down south, that shit

doesn't fly like that. Right. I was in Florida. I saw some wrong people say the things. You ever been to Florida? Yeah. A lot of shit goes down there. Yeah. I see people pull semi-automatic weapons over parking tickets. Yeah. It's not.

It's not the same place. It's not the same place. Well, what do you got on the Island Boys? Island Boys. Let me tell you something. The white boys playing Cuban who say the N-word. Well, those kids have been trying to get on for a minute. Yeah.

I've seen those kids before all over the internet. I had a conversation with your brother about them. Oh, he's the best. Because he knows. I'm forcing him to come next time. He, I mean, he's If you think I'm cool, my brother's way cooler. Yeah, he's very fucking funny. Because his buddy, the Island Boys, or whatever their names are,

do this thing where they do IG Lives, and they let like, regular fans come on and talk to them. Yes. And Mike's buddy, like, destroyed them on their own IG Live. And so he, Mike has like, known about them for like a couple years now. Yeah, me too. And the way he talked about them, he was just like,

it was just pure disgust. Oh, my brother hates him. I'm just a fucking asshole. So my brother was huge on Vine too. He had a million followers and shit. But he did more kid-based stuff. Like, I've never had a child audience. I've just been talking about poop and tits, you know?

Yeah, you have the mature audience. Yeah, I have a mature audience. I have the Rhodes Scholars. Yeah, I have the mature audience. Yeah, I have a mature... I have the Rhodes Scholars. I have the Rhodes Scholars, people that can take a joke. But sometimes, like, I do have like Kanye moments, though. Like, when he was on Sway, he was like, are you gonna marginalize me till I'm out of my moment?

You know, like, I wanna make, like, serious music, and then, like, I'll make serious music to be like, this is cool, but talk about a fucking asshole. So I kinda, like i kind of like typecasted myself have you done like a album i have a whole album ready yeah ready but not out so um i was because i think there's enough people who are always like yo these are actual bars like it's funny but like also you're like really rhyming let me tell you something like i was saying before people are like in this thing like i need millions of followers i need millions or whatever get a thousand followers that will buy anything you

put out that's every that's really the key that's ten thousand dollars a month you're fucking chilling you can live a very comfortable life maybe not new york city Outer boroughs, maybe. But Toledo's nice this time of year. But I'll tell you, $120,000 from doing whatever you want, that's way worth it to me. That's way worth it to me than going to have somebody else be my boss. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to sound like a little fat Dame Dash over here, but my thing is Joe taught me a lot about that, Joe Santagato. That kid's been making money since he was like 20.

And he's younger than me, but he's like an old brother to me. He's like an old head when it comes to figuring out how to monetize yourself, how to advertise yourself, put yourself out there, network. He's awesome at it. And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gone and done my own thing. Really? Because I used to do a show with him. I did a show with him, Basement Yard, very successful show.

You know, we had a talk. What happened there? You just wanted to go on your own? I just – He still does Basement Yard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with Frankie. So I was engaged, and then I called off my engagement. And I needed some time.

It was just a lot. So when you're with somebody for a long time, you get engaged and you break up. It's not like you're just packing your backpack and getting a little stick with a little ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not it. There's credit cards involved. There's leases. There's a bunch of shit.

So I had to take time to do that. And I didn't take the time off. I kept doing the show. And it started to show. Really? You know what I mean? and I didn't take the time off. I kept doing the show and it started to show. You know what I mean? I wasn't being as honest with him about what was going on in my head and in my life because I just went through something so traumatic before that.

So we had a sit down conversation and I said, listen, bro, I love you so much that we don't want this to ruin our friendship. Right. I much... You start to become resentful. I value you way more as a friend than as a dude that puts money ruin our friendship. Right. I much... You start to become resentful. I value you way more as a friend than as a dude that puts money in my pocket.

Right. You know, and I don't want to further disrespect you. That's where, like, my Italian shit comes in. I don't want to disrespect you to the point where you think I'm putting the show on the back burner, but I got to have a little time to figure myself out. There was some stuff going on in my life

that I wasn't particularly proud of in terms of just how I was carrying myself. We had a long talk, and we're still great friends to this day. We send each other TikToks every day. We talk every day. That's the true measure. The definition of friendship is so funny.

It's who you send TikToks to. My grandpa's like, we're great friends. We fought Nazis together. I send TikToks. We are pussies. Our athletes are pussies. This is where I'll use pussy. Our athletes are pussies. We're pussies.

Dude, Ted Williams had to stop playing baseball to go fly a plane. In the war! And then came back and won MVP? And then went back to war, and then came back and won fucking Silver Sl sl- not silver sl- Crazy. What do you call it when all three- Triple Crown. Triple Crown.

He went like Triple Crown, MVP, Triple Crown with bouts of war in the game. Yeah, dude, this dude had like- And this guy was a fighter pilot. Yeah. Like he wasn't like I was just in like, you know, the medics or whatever. This guy won a Triple Crown. He was fucking shooting down planes, doing dog fights in the air. Yeah, bro, doing barrel rolls like Star Fox and shit.

Right. And this guy came back with probably like Nazi bone fragments in his cleats. This guy's a fucking monster. Yeah, no, we're so soft. If I got drafted today, I would dodge the fuck out of the draft. So hard, bro. I'm going right to Canada in a heartbeat. And listen, I don't claim to be a woke person.

There's things I'll support on the internet and stuff, but I'm not a marcher. You know what I mean? I can't wake up at 0500 and start walking around I'm not doing that fuck you you can suck this uncircumcised dick I'm not fucking with that shit and then like people will be like I know the Barstool audience

so I gotta be careful here they're very America but I know the Barstool audience, so I've got to be careful here. They're very... America! Not our town. No, no, that's why. Sometimes it'll be a little too much. It's almost like...

You know how people say, respect your elders? I'm like, this old guy could have been a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, absolutely. This guy's in the Klan. This dude's 80 years old and white. I guarantee you he's racist. Mark Money says he is. So I gotta let him cross the street. Fuck this old dude, bro.

I don't give a fuck. Respect your elders. What the fuck have you done for me? Besides be a fucking bump in the road. What do you think you... We're doing something right now that the next generation will be like, no, fuck that guy because I have to respect him. What do you think you're doing something right now that the next generation will be like nah fuck that guy

because he did I have to respect him what do you think you're doing right now? probably saying pussy too much no probably saying pussy too much that's probably it no but I want people

to just look at what I did and just be like my whole thing in my entire life is when I die I want people to go to my funeral and be like

you know what you had some problems but that's a good guy yeah yeah yeah he's alright that's really true that's all I want people show up and be like you know what he had he had some problems, but that's a good guy. That's all I want. People show up and be like, you know what, he had his shit,

but he was a fucking good dude. I feel like when somebody dies and everyone's like, he was the best, he was perfect, it's like, well, then something's up, man. I almost want it to be like, well, there was some years there, but he bounced back. So my grandmother died. Sorry to hear that.

That's what they do, man. That's what old people do. That's what old people do. They die. That's what old people do. They die. So my grandma died, and we all went up and said these wonderful things about my grandma. And it was not a dry eye in the house. And then my uncle, who's also dead, got up and was like, well, she used to beat me.

And the entire funeral home just goes, oh. We're like, is this dude really? And he spoke last. So the last thing I heard about my grandma was that she used to beat him all the time. So now I don't know whether I'm going to put her in the ground with a smile or a frown. The 70s were wild, man. You could hit the shit out of kids. The other thing I want when I die, too, is I want Bluetooth speakers on my grave

so when you come, you can play whatever you want. Oh. Yeah. Just vibe out. Vibe out. Just be like, yo, let's bump this tune. Like that. And I want flames on the side.

And while they're lowering me, I want them to play Highway to Hell as I'm going. You got to think of this stuff. Actually, I have a will that's written. Ready to go? Yes, and that's written in it. I originally wanted to be cremated and shot out of a cannon, but I don't think my family can afford it.

And then, I don't understand why people are like, sprinkle a little bit of me in the warning track of Yankee Stadium. I'm like, no. And then they're like, sprinkle me. I'm like, no. And then they're like, sprinkle me like, I'm like, dude, one spot. Yeah, pick a spot.

I'm not running all over the place for a dead person. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? It's like a little bit here and then in the Mount Kilimanjaro. I'm like, I'm not doing fucking dead homework, bro. I'm not doing it, bro. I'm not doing dead homework, dude. If you leave me a will like that, I'd be like,

we'll just pretend we did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll never know, bro. Dude, my will is just going dude. If you leave me a will like that, I'd be like, well, let's just pretend we did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell never now, bro. My will is just going to say, I don't care. Throw me out in the trash. I don't. And I also wrote in my will that I do want a military funeral. I want bagpipes and shit.

I want an American flag draped on my shit. I'm going out offensive. When they do the full-on thing together. Yeah, I want someone to, like, if I die just by getting hit by a car, I want someone to show up with an American flag and give it to my mom. Have your parents think that you're a spy. Tell your friends, what's wrong with this?

We were in Cairo. We didn't even know we were in Cairo. Remember how Danny said he didn't speak Spanish? He spoke 11 languages. And one of them was Latin. No, that's what I do. I really think about the next generation a lot because I just think what we do for a living, we constantly kind of have to look forward to what's going to be next.

I just want to give people the advice of enjoy what you're doing, though. Realistically, you wouldn't come here if you didn't enjoy what you were doing. You know, um, I always say like, there's like a Mount Rushmore at Barsville. You know what I mean? Like there's like,

these guys are good. But then like, I also walk through like the annals of the office. I feel like a lot of people are like scared to work here. Is that a thing? Um, like once you get the job here, I see some fucking scare faces.

Yeah. Every time I come in here, I'm like, where is the funniness? Where's Rob Gronkowski? I'm like, what's going on? It's not a light atmosphere. That shit is like a war zone out there.

This is like fucking Pacino's office in Devil's Advocate. I've only seen the nice parts. You know what it's like? You ever seen that Will Ferrell SNL sketch where he's like that crazy boss and Pierce Brosnan's coming for

a job and he's like, yeah, well, it's really easy and then someone brings him a piece of paper and he's like, you're so dumb! You're an idiot! This this place here like portnoy built it on like competition and fucking be the best and you're not you know we're not doing positive reinforcement here no and so people get here and it's like you have the opportunity go run it but you're not gonna it's not gonna be like fun and easy yeah because like you came up you were like what's up man i'm like what's up and then it just got really dark. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes. When I came around, the lighting in here is to make people scared.

There's a lot going on here. I was terrified. I was like, dude, I don't know if I know. It's heavy. It's heavy. 4 p.m. every day just starts playing screams over all the speakers. Yeah. Rah!

It's like, buy fucking stocks. I'm just like, dude, all right. Fuck. Back to the mouth! And you've been here, and you've been here. Since 09. Since pretty much the beginning, right? Yeah, I think I'm 10.

I think October 10, so I'm close to 11. Can you believe sometimes when you come to work? No. No, this is crazy. This is nuts. But it also was steady enough. I mean, it was enough. There's some dude with security with a barstool golf shirt on.

I said, what the fuck? We got two security guards now because Ebony doesn't actually do any security. I said, why do we have two security guards? And they said, because only one of them is a security guard. I love it. It's great. But think about where you guys came from. You have to take time to think about that. And then also, it's what's next?

Where are you guys going? And what do you guys want to do? That's the worst part about it. Well, that's why I like what you and guys like Joe do. It's like, I do want to do it on my own one day, because we've always had a safety net. We've always had the backing. But doing it on your own is a whole other fucking ballgame. Doing it on your own is a whole other ballgame.

So here are the pros and the cons. You make more money. That's a pro. A con is you have to pay your taxes. Another con is you get it. No, you won't. You won't get sued. You won't get sued.

Bing Bong might sue you. That guy's a wacko. I'm starting to learn more about Bing Bong guy. He's a wacko, dude. I'm very comfortable where I am on this side of history. Bing Bong guy is going to be the next internet weirdo. I look at it like this, bro. When it comes to merch, everybody steals everything.

I'm also, dude. Nobody has original merch. I'm sorry. Listen. I'm sorry. You really don't. I did not steal any merch. I'm not saying you stole it.

There was no merch. I'm not saying you stole it. There was no merch to steal. I'm not saying you stole it. But also, you're right. I ride for you. It's every man for himself out here. I fucks with you. I fucks out here. I fucks with you.

I fucks with you and I fucks with you. I feel bad, and I always wanted to talk to you about this in person. Maybe we'll save it for the other show. But I don't know how you're still standing as a person. Barely, bro. Barely. You've been getting dragged on the internet for probably 10 years how do you recover from that uh i've got the skin now i've got yeah well that's the thing

but how do you recover from it i stopped i stopped giving a fuck i read yes can't do that no but i'm not a pussy i'm like you know i'm gonna read that somebody called me still fat after so the legend of still fat was i lost 35 pounds and everyone was like bro way to go man fucking doing it dude you're awesome and then one dude just goes still fat and i lost it i don't fucking mean i thought it was so funny though and i said you know how i'm gonna flip this i'm gonna start a fucking clothing yeah yeah and make thousands of dollars selling it right so that's what i did i I also, once I went through some real shit

and the hate, like there's some hate that fucking hurts. I've seen you take some real shrapnel before I knew who you were. Before I really, like, you know, before we started talking, like I remember

This is the meanest question to ever ask anyone, by the way. Yeah. All the shit that people say to me. This is something that nobody else can understand. But we've been there. Dude, when I left the basement yard, you're a fucking sellout, fucking fat bitch.

I'm like, yo, bro, I'm just doing another show, man. You can watch two shows. There's very few people who can understand the internet game. It's like, you fucking ruined it. When we talk about aging in barstool years, there's always people who are like, oh, yeah, I'm sure it's so hard to show up to work and talk about sports and girls. I'm like, bro, it is. Trust me, I would rather be back at the cube where you're living anonymously and nobody

knows shit about you. But once real hate started, all of the things the hate, the things that used to upset me is like you make fun of my fucking hair or my own fat or, you know, whatever. Yeah. Now I'm like, oh, that's easy. That's lightweight. Yeah. Yeah.

Creative. Right. Well, that's why everybody, everybody tells me, I don't like to even give it attention, but people are like, um, like, oh, you still out there like cheating on your wife. I'm like, I'm not married anymore. That can't be the joke anymore like at least come with something better can i ask you can i ask you a question and then you don't have to keep it in the episode if you don't want to but um was that like was recording that video how many takes was it it wasn't as many as you would think because it was because i would be like dude i'm sending

this shit to spike lee i'm sending this shit to mad people. I'm putting a trailer out first. I'm like, yo, this is heavy shit. I didn't even know you. And I watched like 15 seconds. I said, that's heavy. I put my phone down. I sent it around to a couple of the guys here.

You have to. Can't go rogue on that. I can't be like, I hope he nails it next time. Because I can't keep watching. Dude, I'm hiring, I'm hiring Diane Sawyer and shit. I'm wearing a pack mic.

I'm doing mad shit. That's the problem is doing that shit alone. I had to go through some shit that like, I never thought it was going to be, I never thought I was on a level where people were going to care about fucking, you know, people magazine and TMZ and shit. Yeah.

The people who go through that have fucking publicists and teams and shit. I was like, I where people were going to care about fucking, you know, People Magazine and TMZ and shit. Yeah. The people who go through that have fucking publicists and teams and shit. I was like, I guess I'll film a video. It was a group text with like, me, you, Dan, and Erica.

You're like, does anyone have any advice? I was like, try again. Not that one? The advice was, I was like, maybe turn the TV off in the background.

It's a line drive by Castellanos. I was the original Tom Brenneman. No, but I always wanted to ask you that question because I kind of went through a similar thing

though because I was engaged. I was with somebody for a long time. I called my engagement off, and then I got into a relationship like relatively quick after, and that wasn't fun. That does not go, yeah. It did.

It was like, oh, how can you do this? Uh-huh. Ah! I was just like, all right, take it easy. Is that Vegeta? Yeah. I don't even know. It was like, what can you do? What's wrong with you? I'm like, dude, just let me be. There we go. Yeah, just right, take it easy, Gino. I don't even know. It was like, what could you ever do?

I'm like, dude, just let me be fucking happy. Out of here. I did. Relax, man. I'm a human, and fucking humans make mistakes. Yeah, for real, man. A lot of people don't realize that. Is divorce lit?

Divorce has its pros and its cons. I don't know a better way to ask that question. It has its pros and its cons I don't I didn't even look at him when I said that But that's one thing I love about you though Is that you're super open I couldn't look you in the eyes

So is that like lit or what's good? Pros and cons Divorce without kids You can tell me to stop at any time Divorce without kids would be dope divorce with kids stop yeah but like you're a good dad yeah you know i see i see you on the internet you know what i mean it's all you know people have to also understand that this is a show yeah you know like people will stop me i've been stopped when my mom's like yo let me suck your

fucking tits i'm like dude my fucking mom's stopped when my mom's just been like, yo, let me suck your fucking tits. I'm like, dude, my fucking mom's here. But my mom, thankfully, is cool. She's like, yeah, baby. You know, she's cool. Yeah, she's like, come on. You used to do it. And I was like, that was 30 years ago. Actually, he's like 15.

I breastfed for a long time. No, I was one of those kids that breastfed, like, while they were, they were walking around. Makes sense. It fucking makes sense. It was a little weird. Want to go answer some weird internet questions? Yeah, let's go.

I feel like it's that time of the program. I'm going to get ugly with it. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.