KFC Radio - Taylor Swift's Handshake With Brittany Mahomes and Jackson Mahomes Concerns Fans - Full Episode
Episode Date: October 24, 2023Timecodes: 0:00 Start 02:17 Girl who ate 48 Oysters 08:17 Taylor Swift's handshake with Brittany Mahomes 13:29 Brittany Mahomes spraying champaign: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oanyapyk3bM ... 22:02 Updating Show sounds TERRIBLE to be on 36:38 Midwest Tour Recap ft. Skyline Chill and fossil fuels 51:31 The House of Usher 01:00:17 Video Voicemails Stacker2 Energy: Go to https://Stacker2.com/Barstool-Sports for your Barstool Bite Back Special. Get $5 bucks off your purchase OR $5 bucks worth of free product. Pirate Water: Go to https://drinkpiratewater.com to find Pirate Water in a location near you or order on gopuff BetterHelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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It's like, say my whole life I've eaten steak and potatoes.
And you went, you need to eat some vegetables.
And I said, you know what, you're probably right.
I should eat vegetables.
And then you came.
It makes sense.
I should have more.
But instead of putting a couple of vegetables on my plate, when I'm sitting there eating my steak and potatoes,
you took a trash barrel full of vegetables
and dump it on the corner on the end of the table.
And eat all of this.
But not even eat all of it.
I'm just sitting there like, it doesn't ruin my meal,
and it doesn't affect me at all, but I notice it.
And I know you're doing it to make a point.
And that's bothering me.
That was brilliant.
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bite back special are we recording um we missed this a few weeks back i think it was during
survival week the chick who ate 48 oysters uh uh yes yeah yeah yeah what do you think that was real
i think I watched
It was like watching The Whale
Where I had to turn it off because I watched like two seconds of it
And it started all slurping
I was like get the fuck out of here
The
Yeah I think it was real
I don't
I think everything is real
I just don't
I guess he ran out when she started.
48 oysters.
All right.
This is some shit.
How many oysters do you think you could put down?
Three.
I hate oysters.
Oh, I thought you liked oysters.
No, no.
Oh.
I could crush like 30, I think.
You think so?
Yeah.
Could you do 48?
Yeah.
If there was a time, if there was like a prize at the end of it, probably could but for like just cash like if i had like oh oysters are free tonight i could
eat 30 oysters the prize is you get horny what what prize what's your prize pick a prize
like i could do it for like a thousand i would do it for 500 okay i'll give you 500 bucks if
you before you okay yeah we'll do this okay yeah oh no i was gonna do it
that was the dumbest thing ever bro you're gonna eat 40 oysters for 500 48 48 you're gonna owe
money at the end of the tab 15 a dozen bro i'll even cover the new orleans i'll even cover i'll
i'll i will cover the cost of the oysters.
Bro, I don't even want to be there for this.
Oh, I don't want to see it.
48 oysters.
Bro, they're coming in a plastic tub, too.
I'll give you $1,000 because you said $1,000 first,
and I would have agreed.
You were like, I'll do 40 oysters for $1,000.
You went down to $500 for some reason.
I will give you $1,000 for that.
Deal.
That's good.
Atlanta, not New Orleans.
It's one of the most repulsive things I've ever seen.
How much does a dozen oysters cost in New York?
Oh, I have no idea. They do
dollar oysters right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love this
dude. This move is awesome.
I would
leave a VU8 48 event.
If you eat 48 french fries a day.
No.
Dude, what is this thing where you are talking shit about other people eating food?
It's ridiculous.
But I do it.
It's like Frank the Tank yelling at someone for being fat.
It's like, what is going on here?
I do it in the comfort of my own home.
When I'm out to eat with people, I am perfectly pleasant.
Well, that's okay.
I will give you that.
I have table manners.
I will give you that.
Eating, yes. Ordering 48 oysters. Like, the manners part of it is is for sure the problem yeah but like you
could put that if you if you have a stack of four fucking yes oyster platters in front of you okay
but if if if this was in the privacy of of uh i don't know how you would eat oysters you can't
eat 48 of anything without making if you're making it a thing and you're having fun, that's a different story too.
Yeah, like if somebody ate 48 wings.
But on wing like 10, you got to start being like,
I'm going nuts here, guys.
You got to start acknowledging.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you're doing it, that's crazy.
Yeah, I'm all for having fun.
Is Jackie here?
Yeah.
Oh.
If you're like, this is fucking crazy, right?
Then I'm like, oh, yeah, slam those oysters. But if it's just you – If you're just eating this is fucking crazy, right? Then I'm like, hell yeah. Let's go. Slam those oysters.
But if it's just you.
If you're just eating 48 of anything.
I'm repulsed.
Repulsed.
What about, I mean, you know, candy obviously doesn't count.
You for sure put down 48 Sour Patch Kids in a bag.
Yeah.
Did you say fries before?
What's up?
Did you say fries?
I said fries.
That's.
Yeah, like that's like a carton of fries.
It's so easy to do.
It's like a large fry.
Yeah.
I mean, I was making a bit of a joke but the like if you're eating all of your fries on your plate garbage person i i actually so i had an idea the other day if you're like you get fries you pick
out you have like five ten of them on the plate i need leave the rest to go i need them to go a
little bit further with the idea of the sampler platter.
Because there are times where I literally want like one bite of fries.
Yeah.
I just want to get the flavor in my mouth.
Yeah.
And like the sampler platter is like two of this, two of that.
But it still ends up kind of being – I need like one of everything on the menu sometimes.
I just want like a wing, a bite of fries, like one pretzel knot, one – just give me – it's just like a mix and match, one of everything.
I think that could be done.
You're right.
There's just so much waste.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Like if I go out to eat, it's like I leave probably half a burger and, like, three-quarters of the fries.
I'm like, I'm good to go.
You know?
Yeah.
Everything's too big.
I said this the other day.
What did I have?
The big burgers are just ridiculous.
I mean, we've been preaching about that for years.
They're just never going to change, I guess.
But it's not even big burgers anymore.
It's, like, every great burger I've had, I could yield in my hand.
Yep.
All of them.
I was like, this is a great burger in one bite.
Not one bite, but one hand.
Good potato bread, like Francesca says, with one skinny patty, some good toppings, some good sauce.
That's a good burger.
Yeah.
Even if it is a good, well-made and fancy place where the meat is good.
Let's say it's Wagyu beef or whatever.
When it's fat, I don't want it.
It's like the ratios get off let's say it's wagyu beef or whatever when it's like fat i don't want it no it's like the the ratios get off the the it gets too messy the whole thing is just like
no there's a reason why the shake shacks and the five guys and the in and outs and all the places
that people like even those are a little big yeah they're getting there i feel like the when i go to
five guys i get the single burger yes one the fact that you have to order down at five guys
called i think it's a little bit a little bit junior a little bit can i have an itty bitty The fact that you have to order down at Five Guys? It's called, I think, the Little Burger. The Junior and the Little Burger.
Can I have an 80-bitty burger?
Everyone's like, pussy!
This is what the burger should be.
Why is it default double patty?
That's crazy town.
Yeah.
That is insane.
That just goes to show that America is just fucked, right?
Like, you go, imagine telling, you know, foreigners,
that it's like, oh, no, the standard is two.
You want a burger?
It's two
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I have some bad news for you, John.
I think your girl has overplayed her hand and is going back into the old Taylor.
What's that?
Like the handshake stuff.
I think we're cruising towards the old Taylor of where she just bothered everybody by her existence.
I think things like this is the one-way ticket to that town.
I don't think so.
I thought I was going to feel some type of way about it, and I saw it, and I was like, eh.
You never will, but I think for like –
But I have in those old times, I have been like, eh, I don't know.
This is like – don't get me wrong.
It's a little much.
It's try hard.
It's try hard, and really it's fine.
Like, again, all of these things, as always with Taylor, it's like, you know, live your life.
I don't care.
But I would say from a PR point of view, she doesn't care.
So whatever.
But it is like you are toeing the line.
I like to picture where they started it.
They're like, all right, we got to have a meeting tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, were they in the bathroom being like how are we gonna learn this fucking goddamn handshake
it is it is a very i do i do think it is more of a flex for taylor where she's like i can just
take this world over not even take this world over she Not even take this world over. She was just sitting at home becoming a billionaire, selling tickets everywhere, sold out, setting records at AMC.
Did I hear she made $4 billion on the tour?
I don't know.
I thought I heard that, which is crazy.
I know she was making a billion.
That actually would surprise me.
That's too much, right?
I heard projections were up.
She became a billionaire from the tour.
Nope, $4 billion.
$4.1 4.1 billion
stands to make so that might be with when the full but i mean the full international tour is done
yeah yeah yeah yeah but like that she's gonna buy the chiefs when she's done with this dude
but the imagine if she bought a team imagine all these dude oh please oh i would love nothing more
than for all these n NFL fans who are like,
get Taylor out of football.
And she's like, I'm buying a franchise and I'm naming them the Swifts.
Bro, the year is 2028.
Every NFL team is either owned by Taylor Swift or a chic from the Middle East.
Who could she buy right now?
Who's like in the worst shape?
The Jaguars.
The Jags.
By the Jacksonville Jags,
move them to,
I don't know,
some fucking,
Nashville's already got a spot,
whatever like a big country spot would be.
Whatever,
she could put them on the fucking moon,
she's Taylor Swift.
Oh,
that would be so good.
But I like to think it was that she was,
she saw how popular she was,
she got bored.
It's like the game where Larry Bird only shot lefty.
Yeah,
yeah.
Where she was like,
I'm going to challenge myself now.
She's like, who are the two most like hated people in football i'll turn oh i got
i'll turn that franchise around real quick like dude travis kelsey was definitely one who i like
he was like people liked him he obviously people he was more like than than not he's not but he's
douche but people did think he was a douchebag. He had the douchebag. And then Mahomes, Brittany Mahomes and Jackson Mahomes are by far two of the most hated people off the field in sports.
Was she fucking around with Jackson?
No, but he was standing right behind them.
If she can turn Jackson.
They did like something to each other.
If he's like in a music video, if the Swifties like turn to like him and all of a sudden he becomes.
Like Brittany Mahomes is one thing I find Brittany Mahomes is a perfect example of
the internet.
And,
and I,
I,
she's also the example of like a pretty white girl who's like,
like,
that's what I mean.
That's the curious that she sprayed champagne.
That was crazy.
That was the most.
So that's what I mean.
That like,
but when I say the internet,
I basically mean more like
life where like especially right now if you are if you just look like her and and you have a little
bit of a like when she cheers she goes like yeah you just have a little bit of a of a face that's
not the best when you're excited if you screech a little bit if you just do like one little thing
that is on the side of annoying people will hate your guts by all
accounts that girl is like perfectly fine yeah there's never been a single story i've ever heard
of and that's except they were people were so desperate to hate her when she sprayed champagne
when the chiefs like clinched i think they won the conference they won the AFC championship they were like there are people in the crowd
who might be sober
and you're spraying alcohol on them
there was one person
I think that said like you could get a DUI
and pulled over
and I was like I mean give me a fucking
break that girl
and she got like see that face right there go back up
that face on the right people hate that
yeah they hate that a white girl who's just like i and it's what does she do what's she supposed to
do that's her face that's her face when she gets excited she cheers on her man uh jackson mahomes
does her no favors i'm sure there's part of her that's like i wish i just i wish you were different
you know um but like she might she might There must be other things, but, like...
I really don't think...
I think we would know by now, dude.
This is so crazy if people got mad about this.
And it's the Chiefs fans, right?
She's not in a way.
Yeah, no, it's the Chiefs fans.
Yeah.
Like, that...
If you don't like that...
That's crazy.
It's one of the more...
I don't know if I've seen it in a long time.
Maybe I never even saw it.
I just heard about it.
The fact that the people were furious about this at their home stadium is nuts.
No.
And you know what?
Part of me, as a lifelong hater myself –
I like to hate on people who deserve it.
Part of me thinks, as a hater, it's almost impressive for Chiefs fans.
It's Patrick Mahomes' wife.
Girlfriend, I think.
I don't know.
You should take a bullet for that girl.
And instead they're like,
this girl sucks.
That is how powerful the internet and hate can be.
But I think by now we would have heard.
We heard Jackson Mahomes.
It started out with the little things.
He wouldn't pay a tip.
He wouldn't let them the bill. He was rude rude then it went to that whole weird pervert shit i think we would hear about
britney britney holmes being like a bad person by now she's just not she's just not likable i i
fully relate to that i'm like people hate me because they're like i just don't like your face
i don't like your voice i don't like you i'm like okay i get it you know uh but i don't i don't i feel like a lot of
times there's not much of a reason and certainly with her there's none but i if there's one person
that will just like you know bowl over that shit it's taylor yeah taylor swift's like she's cool
she's cool i i don't think i i think she's like yes yes. I think Taylor Swift has gotten – I don't think she can ever go back to that time you were talking about.
Yeah, you're probably right.
You're probably right, but boy, she is testing it.
They're like – people are like angry about it and they're sick of it, but it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
I mean we were just talking about One Minute Man.
He was like, did you do the handshake?
And I was like, I got to stop eventually. But I was saying like there's just too much – there's too many people who like her or are like parents or like – you know what I mean?
They probably need a video like that to show the handshake.
I think also when she was doing that, when she was like – I forget.
I think it was like pre-1989.
Maybe it was between 1989 and Reputation.
I forget when it was.
Obviously, Reputation was kind of the comeback from it.
But like she was still kind of like a little girl.
Yes.
And now she's like, I'm a woman.
And I fucking run shit.
I don't give a fuck.
There was no like – I mean obviously she was rich and shit.
But – and maybe this was already there and i just hadn't heard stories about it
and maybe people started writing more when you become an adult and shit or maybe she started
doing it when you hear the stories about like how she fucking changed hollywood how she changed the
world of touring how how they build her set and all that shit where you're like oh this woman
is like changing the fucking game whereas whether either she wasn't doing that yet or they just
weren't covering it yet it was just like she's a girl on door you know yeah it was definitely
don't fuck with this chick her her reputation or her but it's not just reputation i do think it was
like the character she was portraying as well was more like i'm just fun and whatever and that's
easy to step on i mean now she's like i'm a bad bitch
i've said i don't give a fuck about your opinion i've said it a million times and i'm sure she
would disagree with me but i think i'm right in the long run i think the best thing that ever
happened was the scooter run thing i think that's when people became like where she was like i'm a
bad bitch i'm taking all of my music back and it gave her fans a reason to rally behind her and not just like her music yeah us versus them
fuck you because that's when it became like this that's when i started really hearing about like
her as like a business entity and they stole her music and they didn't give her a chance and
they're a truce to that like you know everyone gets bigger when there's a reason to rally around
you but like before scooter braun people like, it was Kanye who made her big.
Like, Taylor Swift made Taylor Swift big.
Totally.
And then, like, it's like Dave with K.O. Barstool.
Like, K.O. Barstool helped.
Right.
But, like, if Dave wasn't Dave, it doesn't fucking matter.
Sure, sure.
But I do think Dave, you know, says, like, K.O. Barstool made it, like, what it was.
And I think that's where Taylor became, like, where it's well it's not even it's it's
not actually kanye kanye not as much scooter braun didn't really do anything to taylor swift it's
what the fan like it it changed the fans yeah because when you feel like you need to like
defend the person when you don't i mean she'll need you you know right right but you feel that
way that's when it becomes like every single thing you do we're going to support because
you're getting fucked left and right by guys like kanye and kim and and scooter braun um and i mean
kanye i don't mean kanye the rap song i mean kanye going on stage yeah yeah yeah but even and then
like going on stage the lying he's always been fucking you know in her shit um but so you should
probably never be you know anything other than what she is now she's like
reached a point of no return but i just it just it seems weird for me that someone who's so
cool and like has her own thing is just so it's like chameleon you know what i mean she's like
i'm now just the biggest football fan in the world and i you know what i mean it's like yeah
i i unless she just feels like i've always wanted to be a football fan and now i'mleon you know what i mean she's like i'm now just the biggest football fan in the world and i you know what i mean it's like yeah i i unless she just feels like i've always wanted
to be a football fan and now i'm doing it you know whatever it just feels like more people
it's like you come to me not i go to you sort of thing you know but like it's i i i go back and
forth where obviously we talk about how we've talked about a weird amount actually recently
with like how it's cool when you like what your spouse does or significant
other does but also like don't yes you too much of your personality like they are doing a weird
amount of it like him going to wherever they're going on their bi-week yeah it's like it's like
rio de janeiro it's not like you know it's like it's a big thing it's not like uh i guess it's
still like young enough love or whatever but like in a regular
relationship you're like i'm gonna work right i'm gonna be you go do your thing you do you go to
work i go to work we'll see each other we're not at work yeah right right but i guess with jobs
like that it's like what's my bi-week you got i have to go i can see you yeah i mean yeah if she
was not on tour his bi-week he'd be like i'm gonna go see taylor swift she's like well i'm in rio and he's like probably like can i come anyway yeah yeah i mean when you're
flying jets and shit it probably doesn't really matter right it seems weird for us but
yeah but it does a rio on a pj is probably like three hours yeah it's like not a big deal um
but the principle of like of both of them seemingly making it i mean this is just love
bombing at its finest right
like both both people just bombing the fuck out of each other and either that means you get married
or you eventually like crash yeah dog it's one of the other guys it sure does start yeah exactly
that max scherzer start late in his career.
How old is she? She's 33.
And how old is Kelsey?
He's younger, right?
I think he's my age.
Maybe he's younger.
Maybe he's 34.
34, yeah.
And she's 33?
That sounds about right.
I thought Kelsey was younger.
So wait.
He's been around for a while.
Really?
Yeah.
Was he not good in the beginning?
He's always been good.
No, he's always been good.
Kelsey's been around
for like 12 years.
He was with Alex Smith
and then Pat Mahomes
came in.
When Gronk was still
it was later
when Gronk came in
people were like
oh Travis Kelsey's better.
They were very wrong.
Yeah.
But
you see Gronk
with like his best answer
ever when he's asked
about that.
No.
Where he's just like
it's not for me to decide.
I think Travis has better hands.
I think Travis has a better pass threat.
But I think tight ends are supposed to have multiple jobs.
But it was like, you could see him becoming an analyst.
There's actually a very funny video.
I don't know what show they were on, him and Camille.
But it was like cards, cards like finding out like couples
like newlywed like kind of deal yeah you ask questions and it was like
what sport did my grandfather ignatius gronkowski compete
in the olympics and she's like rob you've never mentioned this person ever How the fuck would I know this?
I can hear Camille saying that.
He's like, yeah, he's like cycling.
She's like, who's grandfather?
What are you talking about?
Your grandfather's in the Olympics.
He goes, this is great.
I'm winning.
This reminds me of the show I was telling you about over the weekend uh updating
uh have you seen that past i think i was telling you i think i told jackie yeah to you yeah uh
it's a like a traveling comedy show slash dating show that started in new york uh in like the
comedy clubs and you i'm pretty sure you sign up to go or like you get tickets to go.
And I think it's under the premise that like you will be a part of the show.
I'm not quite sure how that works.
But there's like a couple comics who host it.
You come up on stage and they ask you questions about yourself.
What do you like?
What are you into?
What's your type?
Yada, yada, yada.
They then put a blindfold on you and they bring a girl up or a guy up from the crowd and
they start asking them questions and you have a conversation with them while you're blindfolded
and then usually they'll bring out a second girl and you ask questions to them and it's like which
girl do you like better and you pick with your blindfold and then they're
like okay take your blindfold off and now pick which girl you like better and it's like do you
do you pick the girl who's hot uh do you pick the girl you liked are those two the same thing
and then people in the crowd jump out and will like steal someone off stage and be like if you
don't want her i'll take her And that person joins the game show.
And everybody is just like being kind of maneuvered around by the,
the hosts.
And I can't think of something I would ever do less than this.
I,
when you were telling me about it,
if we're on the road and you totally,
you told me about it for a little while,
not like over the top,
but like,
let's say three straight minutes.
What have you explained to me?
And for two minutes and 50 seconds, my head was gone man how are you gonna pretend to like this how are you
like i was so happy when you said oh they just this sounds terrible i was like yes
thank god okay thank god i mean i find it entertaining i just would never do it
these these uh they do these these um blindfold makeouts where like people can't find
each other's faces like sucking on each other's face i i mean if i go to a comedy club i'm trying
to like you know i just want to be in the back and watch the jokes and like no thank you the the
people i mean i i commend anybody who could do this kind of shit but oh my god i i think anybody
could do this kind of thing right dude i mean i don't know you i don't mean host i mean be a part of it i i i would never i would rather
host this than be a part of it you'd rather do this oh i'd rather i'd rather be a part of it
than host it because you don't want the awkwardness yeah you would rather be the awkward than like
orchestrate the awkward yeah like like you want me you would rather be the awkward than orchestrate the awkward? Yeah. You would rather be blindfolded, talk to two different girls, not know who they are, take your blindfold off, and then you got to pick.
And if one's uglier than the other, you're just going to do that to that chick?
Yes.
That's crazy.
Because I think I can – first of all, it's a smaller amount of time where I don't have to deal with it all.
I'd rather be awkward than have to watch people be awkward.
That is interesting. It's like I'll take the bullet. I'll be awkward to deal with it all. I'd rather be awkward than have to watch people be awkward. That is interesting.
It's like, I'll take the bullet.
I'll be awkward.
I'll be uncomfortable.
Yeah, because you don't watch any of that shit.
I can handle it.
That's what most people love these days is the awkwardness.
It's most of my life.
So I can handle this for five minutes.
I'll wear it.
You're very selfless.
I'll take the awkward off of you.
But I don't want to have to watch people be uncomfortable.
That's like the entire genre of reality shows right now.
I know.
That's what the world gets off on.
There's the one clip where there's two girls and one is just very much prettier than the other.
And everyone's groaning and moaning in the crowd and even the girls know it.
And she's just like, fuck this.
And just – the guy is like, yep, not you.
I mean it's – I could never be a part of that.
I would so much rather just be the host being like, oh, shit.
But you can kind of like explain it away.
You can be like – right?
Like it's almost ruder to pick in a situation like that.
It's almost ruder to pick. It's like that. It's almost ruder to pick.
It's like you're patronizing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If it was me and Ryan Reynolds, I'd be like, don't fucking pick me.
A guy, I think, would be like, please, please pick.
Don't belittle me by being like, no, you're cute.
You have to fucking take the high.
Well, no, but the problem was he was like, I like like this chick better and then took it off and was
like never mind yeah that is so fuck i can't believe you'd rather do that i would i was that
girl's gonna fucking like burn her whole life down and yours maybe back here's speaking for
fucking ugly people you know i know like i'm not like what the fuck i will say you're taking the hot guy
i thought i was dark if you jump up on stage for one of these things you you know you gotta know
what you're getting into and if you're if you're not great looking you know you know but again i
think it's easier it's easier to say that as a guy because as as much as you're saying what you're
saying is true,
like, yeah, come on, just take fucking Ryan Reynolds.
There is a world where you – the world we live in, the regular world,
you can out – you can defeat whatever.
I don't know how to say it.
You can beat the hot guy by being funny.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, like, we can say that, but it's very different for chicks
where it's like at the end of the day, this does trump every single time.
Whereas a guy, it's fucking insane.
But there are probably women out there that would pick you over Chris Hemsworth.
No, but there's...
I agree with you that a guy...
Which is nuts.
The way it works, guys have...
You're not talking about a grotesque guy can't be a hot guy because he's funny.
You can like a good-looking guy can be the hot guy because he's funny.
You're talking like truly like ugly.
Well, like listen.
The true uggos are fucked.
Yeah.
On both sides, the really, really ugly people are fucked.
But I think – I'd rather have a woman who I think is like I'm attracted to and is funny and cool rather than just like straight up
hot yeah like it doesn't help me that the person i'm using is also incredibly uh charismatic yeah
but like if there was just some fucking cardboard cut out of a hot dude with no personality a good
question do you think maybe maybe i maybe i maybe I disagree with what I just said because girl – I guess it's more guys are looks and girls are like money.
Like guys will put up with a chick who sucks if they think she's hot, like the shallow ones, and girls will date like an ugly dude but for the money.
It's not really the funny.
It's the money.
Yeah, I get it. And then like the funny is for both people both sexes kind of yeah it's like both of us would rather be you have like a fun personality and i'm like yeah with anybody you have to be
attracted to them first but if it's just like this person's a fucking ton but this person's
like a seven which is cool like i don't know maybe i'm old but like i think i think that's
like i think that's how i've been and i think how people i know have been like throughout our lives when do you think you
stopped uh like i would never even tolerate someone who i didn't like at this point like
even just to fucking smash one time and just be like i'm not i not even going to spend a night with you? I have a different answer.
You still would?
Yeah, I'm talking about relationships.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, okay.
I mean, yes, maybe a night.
But, like, if you would – how long then?
Until she broke up with me, probably.
I feel like once you get –
Once I'm in the handcuffs, man.
Yeah, that is true.
Not Houdini.
It's tough to get out of.
I think there's so many of us like that who are just like,
it's not wanting the awkward.
It's just like, I'm not going to break up with you.
It is.
I absolutely should.
I know where my heart and my head is.
It makes me a bad person totally like it is no it's not a redeeming quality no that that's the same thing i character flaw i used to like think of that as you know like i'll it's yeah like you
know kind of the irish thing in me like this it's stubbornness but it's like we'll make it work and
blah blah and it's like no no this is this is a terrible way to be same thing with the when they when when i
first heard that term love bomb i i like never when did you first hear that a few years ago oh
okay i i never heard you use i was like kevin just learned that no no but but i i still what is it i
imagine it's just it's just when you use it in context when you like first start seeing someone
and you just love the fuck out of
them where you're just like,
I want to see you all the time and hang out with you all the time.
And like,
you know,
all that shit.
And you text it all the time,
you know?
And it's like,
you think that you're,
that's like you being nice.
Right.
But you're just setting them up for like in two weeks,
you're gonna be like,
Oh,
wait a minute.
I was just high off the fucking chemicals in my head telling me that
you know what i mean and then it's like well now you now you know it's like i wanted to marry you
and you're gonna dump me in two weeks and i i never knew that until this term i was like oh
shit i do that and people are like don't do it you know what i mean like it's bad and i was like oh
i get it yeah eventually you learn that all of your you get old enough that all of your personality traits are you're a love bomber yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah big time big time
like i'll i'll like i just right off the rip start doing like the cutesy shit and like the
thoughtful shit i was like that's i don't know i was raised to do that like be nice to girl you
know and it's like yeah but you don't need like, go over the top with it because in a
couple weeks you're going to get bored of doing that.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I've set up.
That's so scary.
What's up?
That's so scary to hear from, like, a guy's perspective.
What?
Just being, like, the cutesy stuff in the, like, start and then just being like, oh,
you can just, like, get bored, like, two weeks in.
Well, I say get bored because i'm being an asshole it i mean it's like anything else where it's like you
everything in the beginning is hot and heavy and fun and then when you settle into like the regular
shit it's like i don't know it's more it's more like i i thought i was there was going to be
something there and then you realize there's not and it it's like, well, now you're fully hooked, and I'm –
It can go both ways, too.
Yeah, yeah.
But I feel like it's – it is a danger.
I would be scared if I was a chick, too.
I mean, girls do it, right?
I feel like every girl I've ever been with does it.
Yeah.
I think it's more expected.
It might last longer. yeah i think it's more it's like expected so you're like like there's always this idea of like
guys are kind of like single and running and women are trying to like lock you down
and when it's the reverse or the guys like i want to be with you and hang out with you want to see
you what do you like what's your favorite this favorite that all that shit girls like oh my god
i found a good one and it's like that that feeling subsides and then it's like
do you still like the person when you're not all like google gaga you know so but i think that
girls are like a little bit more less driven by like chemicals like i think that guys are for sure
but like also girls like girls kind of foresee earlier,
could I have a life with this guy, all that.
Whereas guys, it's more like now.
I don't know.
I get that.
I don't know if it's just me personally, but I have never been like – No, that's not true.
I have done it.
Thinking of the future?
I did it once with the most random person.
I've done it once.
It was with a person who I was with for like three months.
That was weird.
I don't know why I did that.
I mean, nobody should do it.
But that's like crazy for me.
Like, oh, just never crosses.
I didn't even really like her.
And I was like, yeah, I could be with her forever that's i mean that's what the love bomb shit is like i i'm like don't
you want this and it's like well not if you're gonna stop oh okay i get that i mean it's probably
like the same you know the reverse is probably like guys and girls with sex where it's like oh
in the beginning it's hot and heavy and then you stop but yeah that shit is dangerous girl
watch out for that i that's truly one of those things where i'm like where i'm like i don't want
it to be this way i'm sorry i didn't think that was gonna happen but eventually when you do it
like five times in a row you're like oh okay this happens every time it's like it's on you to stop
it but that's why i do i do think when when you're talking about girls like in like late 20s early 30s like it took me a little while to figure out that like
that is something you should actively not do because it's going to hurt someone's feelings
in the beginning i was just like i'm gonna be nice i'm gonna do all those things and i hope
it keeps going and it's like it's not gonna because it's just not you know i guess natural
to be like that over the top for somebody all the time so anyway
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we just wrapped up our our one of our midwest tours of legs of the tour.
Um,
this,
that will forever be known as the skyline chili,
the skyline chili incident.
Um,
I mean, we haven't really done an episode since that happened,
did it?
Yeah.
So if you didn't see any of the social media videos and you weren't,
uh,
at,
at our live shows in,
in,
uh, in Pittsburgh and Ohio,
Feidelberg ate some Skyline Chili.
I can't even say ate.
Consumed, inhaled some Skyline Chili.
And I have watched it 500,000 times strictly for the and i gotta tell you that is it is every the
funniest part is feidelberg sucking down the the chili without taking a single bite but the the
real funny is that he's trying to have a dialogue for the video long enough that he's just like
filibustering it's so fucking funny the way he does it.
And I got to tell you, it is the best.
Obviously, the first thing you got to do, you got to try Skyline Chili.
And I got to tell you, I'm digging this.
It is really good.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
For this to be your thing, it's insanity.
This is so bad.
I really wish Bruce standing anywhere but in your kitchen right now.
I don't know.
It's like if you want cheese and beans and onions and spaghetti and cinnamon,
like there's only one place you can go get it.
It's here.
It's here.
Look at the cheese.
Don't eat that hot dog.'s don't oh god you're gonna fart and smell so much dude
i'd like i i guess to come i knew what i was doing here yeah that's what I mean
I can't be like what do you mean this is the way I eat
this is the normal way to eat
that's what I'm saying
you were trying to talk and eat at the same time
so you just coming up with bullshit
is very fucking funny
you were clapping in the middle
yeah I thought that was like
do people
I thought that was understood, do people, I thought that was understood.
I mean, we're laughing and like, you know.
Yeah.
I'm sure there are some people who just thought that.
Yeah.
The next morning, Nick was like, you got to call in.
I don't know how to talk about it.
I was just being an asshole.
I was just goofing around, like swallowing food whole.
Yo, there are definitely people out there who like take barcel way too seriously
and think that we think that we're like something that we're not you know what i mean who like
compare us to like comedians and shit people who are really funny and they're like this is this
like this is all they could do it's like yeah i don't know this is the shit we do
we just eat food funny that's our fucking that's our gig it but it is it is. But it is so impressive. I tried to do it, folks.
I challenge you to do it.
Get some, you know, anything other than like,
it's got to have some solid to it.
Get some wet dog food.
Either get Skyline Chili or wet dog food and you can do it.
I tried to just swallow it and my body absolutely would not let it happen
because it feels like you're fucking choking to death.
And somehow Fidelberg just.
I think it's like cereal.
You can do it with cereal.
No, you cannot do it with cereal.
Yeah.
Crunchy?
Like you can do it with like Honey Nut Cheerios or.
No.
No, you cannot.
You can do this with cereal.
Yeah.
When it's not soggy.
No, no, no.
You've got to let it sit.
Yeah.
Not like a.
Yeah.
Not the top of the bowl, but like. Yeah. The end of the bowl. Yeah. Probably not Frosted Flakes. They, no, no. Yeah, not like a top of the bowl, but like
the end of the bowl? Yeah, probably not
frosted flakes. They're a little rigid, but
there's definitely
some cereal. You can't do a cinnamon toast crunch.
For sure, once it gets soggy, yeah.
The same way like that?
Easily.
We're going to have to prove that.
There were a couple of highlights from it. one you know if you've been at the show
you'll probably this will be a little repetitive i would like to defend myself as a smart person
real quick um there was just because oil comes from living things doesn't mean that you can say
dinosaurs it's it's like everything in the world comes from like living matter you can't just be
like i was right you thought you thought that dinosaurs like liquefy and just boom like turn
into oil correct yes that is the stupid part that is the dumb part but it was it was smart of me to
remember that someone told me that.
It's not like I didn't.
Feidelberg, I believe, don't they say that memorization is the lowest form of intelligence?
But it's not memory.
I didn't memorize it. You're remembering something.
That's a different thing than memorization.
Not really.
It's your memory.
I remembered.
You remembered something.
I got a strong brain.
I remembered what someone told me.
That I will give you.
You have a strong. your brain has the ability.
I'll give you that.
Great.
I'll take it.
Okay.
But it's like you don't use it right.
I'm too trusting is the thing.
Yes.
Okay, so your brain is too strong and you're too trusting.
I love this spin, though.
Somebody somewhere one day said dinosaurs turn into oil
and Feidelberg believed it.
And that proves that he's smart somehow.
Yeah.
It was – when we did it at shows, I was like,
someone tell me where oil comes from.
No one had an answer.
I had an answer.
It was the answer someone taught me where oil comes from no one had an answer i had an answer it was the answer someone taught me like every everyone has been taught this at some point no right everyone has been
told about where fossil fuels come from and stuff like that no one remembered i did you've got my
teacher just told me the wrong answer i also challenged the fact the thought that a teacher told you that.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, okay.
Someone around the vicinity of a school told me.
And also, one more thing from the road is Mike Babcock's nephew was there.
I can't figure that one out.
And he was not happy with us.
We – at the shows, we do a lot of audience participation.
And usually, I'm like, does anybody have any – like, am I the assholes or a story or a question?
Like the premise of the show we've been doing for 15 years.
And at the live shows, people – I guess they're just shit shit face and they just ask really strange boring or personal questions but that one took the cake he
was just like i was like what's your question and he was like i'm mike babcock's nephew
i was like that's not a question and then and i thought maybe he was lying because he said his
last name was babcock and i was like oh he's just like pretending. Right. I think he said that live.
He was like, yeah, yeah, joking.
No, Pav said he talked to him after.
Yeah.
But at the moment, he was like, because I think we were like, what?
He also was like, Babcock, family, mad.
It sounded like Charlie Kelly when he's fucking speaking gibberish.
And then afterwards, I think he explained the story was that Babcock – I guess the Babcocks are from Ohio.
No, they're Canadian.
So what the fuck was he talking about?
He was like you got – like the family got back together and then you ripped us apart.
So maybe there are Babcocks living in Ohio and then Uncle mike got signed to the blue jackets and it was like oh
all the babcocks are gonna live together and then before they even could start the season we uh
we we that's it's such a guys ended like can you imagine moving because your uncle got a job
that can't talk to my uncle like twice no yeah it's got to be like his brothers and shit already
lived in ohio and then he came and then they were were like, oh, the Babcocks are going to have a big family reunion.
And then the Chiclets guys just fucking ruined it.
He's like, you guys blew it up.
He's like, you guys and Chiclets blew it up.
It's more a sketch.
I don't think our sketch had too much to do with it.
You know what?
You know who blew it up?
I think it was more Mike acting like –
Mike Babcock being a fucking weirdo pervert.
That's probably what it had – that's probably the issue there pal that's a weird one if
uh like i'd probably even if i was mad and wanted to yell at some people on stage i'd probably keep
that one quiet yeah it's like hey your uncle's a fucking weirdo i wouldn't want anybody to know
that shit um yeah it was it was a it was a good tour getting to see, I just, every time I leave, I am reminded by how different the rest of the world is.
I just, everything being closed is so, like, what do you do if you are having a non-emergency issue at like 11 o'clock at night?
What do you do?
What kind of issue? I don't know. You have like a
allergic reaction.
Oh, I thought you were referring specifically to yours.
Well, okay. Well, yeah. That's what made me think
of it. I'm an OCD fucking
freak and I have this one fingernail
that I fucked up when I was a kid from
chewing my nails too much. So now every
time it grows to a certain extent,
it's an ingrown nail and
it throbs and it fucking hurts.
So I always have a nail clipper on deck.
And I brought it on with me on the road.
I must have left it in my hotel.
So I get to the next one.
And I mean, when this thing gets going, my day is over.
It's ruined.
It throbs.
It has a heartbeat.
I just sit there and I look at it.
I was literally laying in bed just being like, I'm not going to sleep. I'm gonna sleep i'm gonna sleep so i was like let me find a 24-hour spot i'll just
go get you know nail clipper from behind the let me go to cvs oh wait those are closed all right
7-eleven is 24 hours they say 24 hours on the fucking thing i get there the sign just says
10 o'clock but and i was like whatever this is just my fingernail but what if i what if you needed
to get like benadryl what do you do that's a good
question what if you what if your baby you know what if your baby's sick and you need to get its
fever down you just have to go straight to the emergency room it's either like your own home
or emergency room how does that how does that fucking work or even it doesn't have to be an
emergency i just want some food when the sun is down.
How is it, you know?
I understand 24 hours is crazy.
You don't have to be open until 4 a.m. But I was going to say, the town I grew up in, Fall River, is a town of 100,000 people,
which is a big city.
Well, not a big city, but it's a city.
And that has 24 hours.
There's always a gas station.
I don't understand how Pittsburgh didn't. Right. Pittsburgh felt to me. So we went to Columbus, Ohio's always like a gas station. I don't understand how like Pittsburgh didn't.
Right.
Pittsburgh felt to me – so we went to Columbus, Ohio,
which is a college town.
We went to Cincinnati and Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh felt like the realist city to me.
Just walking around, it was like activity, buses.
Did you notice that no one was doing anything?
They were just kind of loitering.
I wrote down the streets.
I was like, what's the deal with Liberty Ave in Pittsburgh? They weren't homeless people, but they were just – of loitering. I wrote down the streets. I was like, what's the deal with Liberty Ave in Pittsburgh?
They weren't homeless people.
But they were just like the whole street.
It was like, is there a parade coming?
We had to like.
What is it?
Are you waiting?
We definitely had to like move through the crowd.
But no one was ever moving.
No one was ever walking.
But they weren't homeless.
It was just like people just.
No, it was Nick with us.
It's pre-homeless though.
It was like. It's on no, it was Nick with us. It's pre-homeless though. It was like –
It's on its way.
I don't know.
They were like – no one was like looking at like, ah, they're kind on the board.
Everyone was like hanging out, smoking, drinking.
It was a weekday too, right?
It wasn't the weekday.
Yeah, it was Friday afternoon.
Yeah.
I guess Friday afternoon is a little quick time.
But it was Friday at about 3 p.m.
And it was like the whole street, Liberty Ave, was just like people chilling. It's kind of cool. Yeah, it was pretty the whole street liberty app was just like people chilling it's kind of
cool yeah it was it was pretty sick where i was like damn i don't want to just vibe with everyone
like not even a not even a gas station was open at night yeah they had like a little you know a
little hut where you could like get shit you know it's like how is that even a thing well we talked
about i mean it was the it was maybe the craziest thing I've ever done.
I was walking around at like 11.30 at night just going from spot to spot looking for a goddamn nail clipper.
I knew.
I was watching TV and I just wasn't looking at my phone for a little bit.
And I looked at my phone and saw like 20 minutes earlier you had texted me like, do you have nail clippers?
And I was like, this is a crazy text.
And then it just got crazier.
I've been to 3-7-11.
I was like, what?
I had written out a whole thing. I know this is weird. And I was like, just got crazier. I've been to three 7-Elevens. I was like, what? I had written out a whole thing.
I know this is weird.
And I was like, just ask him if the fucking –
I asked Jackie too.
She wrote back, is it gay?
One of the segments we did in Pittsburgh was, is it gay?
Where you just list out random behaviors and things you did that people called you gay for.
It's very therapeutic.
People are very excited to say things they called you gay for.
That was the one time that
the the audience participation was ripping yeah people had all sorts of stories about
the thing things they were called gay for uh being adopted was my favorite um having nice eyebrows
is it gay to have nice eyebrows as a guy but it it's certainly gay to text your coworkers, do you have a nail clipper?
Dude, I went down to the – I also thought the front desk would have it because sometimes they have all the toiletries.
And the guy was like, we don't have a nail clipper.
We have a nail file.
I was like, all right.
That's not really going to help me, but I'll take it.
And the guy goes, I would offer you mine, but that's not sanitary.
And I wanted to be like, unsanitary for you or for me?
Because I don't give a fuck.
I would.
For some reason, nail clippers.
I would. I mean, in this, I would give anything to get rid of this fucking feeling.
But I was like, are you talking about you don't want me to give it back to you after I used it?
Or you think I don't want to use it with yours?
Because I will fucking.
But I just walked away.
I was like, I can't have that conversation. Why do you have nail clippers at work? I don't want to use it with yours because I will fucking – but I just walked away. I was like I can't have that conversation.
Why do you have nail clippers at work?
I don't know.
That would be weird too.
I mean I don't know.
I usually have them in my fucking pocket so I can't talk.
But I don't think there's anything germaphobe-wise that really gets me.
I don't know what it is about netflix but like they're just jackie hit me with the uh the good old borderline urban legend that you can get aids from clipping
your nails really yeah i mean it's like theoretically it's like very literally possible
but like no fucking way yeah but i feel like jackie probably read that one when she was like
13 years old and was afraid to ever use it.
I get it.
I had a friend who used to be petrified of it and would – he wouldn't finger girls if he had a hangnail.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He wouldn't clip nails.
He was just convinced as like an eighth grader.
He was going to get AIDS from fingering a girl.
Like the last thing you can get AIDS doing is that.
Bro, AIDS is terrifying me too.
I get it.
All right, let's rip some voicemails quick.
When you texted me about the thing,
I was watching Fall of the House of Usher.
Yeah.
And I have something to say about the Fall of the House of Usher.
Big hot in the streets right now on Netflix.
It's a great show.
It's not a great show. It's a good show i i'm going to sound ignorant here so
i'm going to be oh boy somewhat delicate my favorite mr smart john who can remember things
is just pronouncing his ignorance right now i wanna like before we get into it it's i know
i know the more i say it the the less you're going to believe me.
It's not something that makes me mad.
It's just insane.
The representation.
Too much representation!
Say it!
Just fucking say it!
Pull the band-aid off.
In the first ten minutes of the fall of the House of fall house flusher you meet all the siblings
and it's a white dad and his two kids his first two kids are white
and he's out two white kids so you got three white kids a black daughter uh indian son and uh
i think a hispanic son a lat son. And then they all have outrageous relationships
where the...
So the white son is married to a black woman.
The white woman is married to a white man,
but they're in like a polyamorous relationship.
Yeah, they swing or some shit.
The black daughter is a lesbian who's dating a spanish woman uh the check check indian son is british by british bisexual in a gay relationship
relationship who's cheating with a woman that doesn't matter at all that never comes up again
he just he's just getting his dick sucked by a girl just to like have that happen three minutes
just to be like just you know he's bi yeah then the uh the other white daughter is in some kind of cuddle puddle thing i don't know she's just
banging two kids um yeah yeah yeah she has and that is a asian dude and like a andro girl kind
of no reverse oh yes yeah whatever yeah they're just like like two andro people who are basically
getting like kind of raped and then yeah kind of yeah like weinstein style yeah yeah and then
because she's like you guys signed a contract you have to do you know i demand a lot from my
assistants um and then yeah even even just weird sex stuff is now a thing of representation yeah
just like if you're weird with your sex you you got to make sure that's in your show.
And then the Latin son,
they don't really ever,
he's kind of like amorphous as well.
Yeah.
And it was one of those things where I was watching it,
where I was just like,
I genuinely,
I know you're not going to believe me
because I'm saying it out loud,
but I'm not like,
what the fuck?
Why is this all on TV?
Just from like a strictly storytelling perspective, like the first 10 10 minutes like you're giving me a lot to hit like it makes you go like
like wait what like oh okay it's like i mean they all have different moms in this in the movie it's
not like a it's not like they just like do it and they don't like explain it it's like it's all from
different mothers and he has a lot of different like bastard children which is like part of this
the storyline so that is why they're all different, literally.
But the real reason they're doing it with the show is for all today's representation stuff.
And I was trying to think of a comparison for it.
And it was like, say my whole life I've eaten steak and potatoes.
And you went, you need to eat some vegetables.
And I said, you know what? You're probably right. I should some vegetables and i said you know what you're
probably right i should eat vegetables and then you came it makes sense i should have more i but
instead of putting a couple of vegetables on my plate when i'm sitting there eating my steak and
potatoes you took a trash barrel full of vegetables and dump it on the corner on the end of the table
and i'm gonna eat all of this but not even eat all of it i'm like i'm just in there like
it doesn't ruin my meal and it doesn't affect me at all but i notice it
and i know you're doing to make a point and that's bothering me
that was brilliant that that i followed you every step of the way on that one
that and that is the point like that it is bothersome that it's just like look at what
we're doing yeah god damn and i get the other side of it where where people have been watching just
rom-coms and movies and everything it's just white people white people white people straight
people straight people straight people and they're, it's never been for us.
But I'm like, I don't know.
Do they like this version of it too?
Or it's just like completely fucking ridiculous.
I don't know.
Just make it about black people and make it about gay people.
I'd rather watch shit that's like somewhat making some goddamn sense
rather than just having every fucking thing in there.
In the first 10 minutes, there's a dead woman who crawls out of a grave.
And it almost felt like Thrones. Remember when people get mad about Thrones? Were they like, it's a flow woman who crawls out of a grave. And it almost felt like Thrones.
Remember when people would get mad about Thrones?
Where they're like, it's a flow about dragons.
Are you worried about the timeline?
Like, well, yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense.
Right, right, right.
The timeline's illogical.
Right.
Yeah, it's illogical.
You can have things that are illogical in a fantasy world.
But there needs to be logic.
It's like, I didn't have a problem with the dead woman crawling out of a grave.
Because that made sense for what I was watching this just doesn't really make sense it's
kind of like it's like you're forcing it in here and again forcing i know it's it really like i'm
still enjoying my sticky potatoes i just noticed that out of the corner of my eye it's the whole
time i'm thinking about the garbage pail of fucking vegetables now it is as blatant as it gets i mean
every single show now has a lesbian
couple in it yeah all of them so there's some gay people there's some people of color
ever i think like lesbian is like the easiest to like consume if you will guys like a girl's leg
and nobody can you know what i mean every single there's like oh if there's a girl in it one of
them's gonna be a lesbian every single time take it to the bank. Today's voicemail is brought to you by Pirate Water.
Your boy, Nick Hammy, was throwing back Pirate Waters this week.
Three, two, one.
That's all it took for Nick was three Pirate Waters.
And he was taking pictures for us during our meet and greet.
Got to take like 200 pictures in a row because basically like the entire audience usually stays.
So you would think like we got to, you know, funnel people, file people through pretty quickly.
Otherwise, we're going to be here for a while.
Nick grabbed every single person's phone and went three, two, one for 200 straight people. And he was so so drunk he just didn't even realize he was doing
it because he kept cracking jokes he's like what what's going on i didn't realize until you said
after that probably added 15 minutes easily i was like oh my god he's right because there was one
there was one group that came up and he just went boom and moved and it was like it took two seconds
and i was like the other ones are taking 45 seconds each and then what we made
fun of him and he he was he he thought he was like he was like oh am i like saying that too
much and i was like yeah like it's crazy and so the next one comes up and he goes one two three
like it's not the order of the numbers it's not the order but that's because he had about three pyrowaters, and he was good for the night.
That's all it takes, man.
I mean, we found the pyrowater in –
What's up, bud?
We're talking about the three, two, one.
You were about three pyrowaters deep just snapping pictures oh yeah that on top
of the fact like i do that all the time just to kind of get people in a rhythm yeah that way they
get the fuck out but yeah that was that was it was very funny in the pirate water we uh we found
we you know when every time every time we go on the road the first thing we do is find like a
local spot that sells it and we go pick up pirate water and we found uh this
girl who was she was buying something else and we were picking up pirate water and she was like are
you getting pirate water right now and she i believe her name she was like me and my me and
my fiance come here like every night to get pirate water and she's like oh my god it's you guys
anyway the point being that we bought uh we bought all the pirate water because we gave her and her
fiance some and we took ours with us and i I think we grabbed like six cans and it was $11.89 for six fucking cans of a 16 ounce, 10% alcohol by volume drink.
It's, I mean, it's cheap anywhere, but in the rest of the parts of the country, it's like $1.50.
It's a free bus.
It's free.
It's getting drunk for free. It's the $1.50. It's a free bus. It's free.
It's getting drunk for free. It's the American dream.
So go to drinkpiratewater.com or order it now on GoPuff
and check everybody out on all the social media at Pirate Water
for your chance to be reposted.
What's up, boys?
This is Hank from St. Paul, Minnesota.
First time, long time.
Listening to you guys talk again about the whole Mountain Dew
debate. I guess it's not
really a debate. Yes, it's white trash from a small
town. Everybody drinks it. Us with class
drink Diet Coke. But anyways,
wanted to comment. I had a
teacher who would literally bring
a six pack of Diet
Mountain Dew to
school every day in middle school
and house them along with the popcorn
from the teacher's lounge?
Would he have a Mountain Dew per hour and he'd just guzzle them down and just crumple
them up and throw them away every hour?
So I guess along those lines, my question is, what is the craziest thing?
And I should say he's like the most in shape guy I've ever seen.
But anyway, I was about to say, what's the craziest thing that a teacher has ever done along those lines?
Or even what's the craziest thing that you guys do?
Obviously fights is going to have some answers here, but I'd love to hear.
Thanks.
Specifically teacher.
I just remember our history teacher was just a wild man.
Like you could just take one look at him and you knew that he smoked and
boozed and went hard in the paint.
And he just had like,
you know,
us history,
like in a binder that he just taught the same fucking thing every year.
And I remember like the minute,
the millisecond we graduated,
he was at like all of our parties.
Yeah.
And there was a,
uh,
where my,
my house was on the corner and there was a street that you know
like a regular intersection but the road cut off and it was a walkway like that you couldn't keep
driving it was as wide as a street but it was for walking am i describing this well yeah yeah so
like you had to turn left or right and we left the party and everybody who was behind the wheel
shouldn't have been and we we turned and he almost went through like the drive like the walkway that like
the whole town knows about it's like you can't go driving on that path and he was like we were like
oh my god this dude is hawking hammered that was more that was more uh just wildly inappropriate
drinking behavior other than like socially inappropriate food behavior. Yeah, most of mine is drinking too.
My humanities teacher in high school was a drinker.
And like he always had the mug and like –
Oh, that's bad.
Like one time a kid like jokingly picked – it was a joke like Mr. Blank is always drunk.
And one kid jokingly picked up and was like, what's in here? Mr. – to sip it. Like the whole class saw his face. It was like, oh like Mr. Blank is always drunk. And when a kid jokingly picked up, I was like, what's in here?
He was like, what's in here?
And the whole class saw his face.
We were like, oh, it's whiskey.
Holy shit.
That's bad.
That's bad.
He was the assistant hockey coach.
And he was the man.
He was like, I think I've told this to him.
He was the best, dude.
I saw him at the dining hall once because he lived on campus.
And like shaking his baby.
Not shaking, but rocking his baby and just humming, this is why daddy drinks.
This is why daddy drinks.
And he had – By the way, that was a great correction.
You can't say that someone's shaking their baby.
Yeah, yeah.
Rocking is the preferred nomenclature, dude.
But we had one time where our bus broke down and we couldn't – I think we had a game up in Vermont.
And we had to borrow the cars of either teachers or parents who lived nearby and drive the team up to the game.
And he got in the car.
He just looked back at us and he goes, didn't know I was going to be driving today.
And we were all like, oh, boy, this is going to be interesting.
Buckle up.
But we thought it was great because we could all, like, dip.
You know, you couldn't dip.
Yeah.
Or other cars.
He doesn't give a fuck about anything.
Right, right.
He also had, like, the – he had – you know, you can think back to a moment where a teacher was, like,
unlocked something in you where I was a – as a hockey player, I was somewhat violent.
And I would get penalties all the time and like i just
like i don't i just how you played the game that's how i played the game and i i was like oh like i
was i was like one or two penalties per game every game and my dad would always yell at me our head
coach would always yell at me and so my senior year i like started working on it where i just
like i'm not gonna get penalties and i was not playing well at all it wasn't playing my game i wasn't and and don't you do it
he pulled me aside he's like you need to be you and i was like but being me is like i'm gonna
fucking hit people and like and like and he's like he's like, just be you.
And I was like, but I don't know.
He goes, I'd rather have you for 58 minutes a game instead of 60 than zero out of 60.
And I was like, that was really nice.
I'm going to go take someone's head off right now.
Dude, that is horrible coaching advice.
What?
My season completely turned around.
No, it's good sports advice as a coach.
It's bad, like, you know, making young men.
Actually, you know what?
I completely disagree.
He was like, go play your game.
Yes, your game will put you in the box for two minutes a game,
but we get you the other 15.
Yeah, and, like, you put you in the box for two games, two games and like some kid can't play the rest of the season because he
has a broken wrist because vitalberg threw a fucking hissy fit on the on the fucking ice
fuck those kids who cares um but the the the takes back to the actual teacher question like
i don't people like that shouldn't be allowed to teach no that i mean that that's if you're
coming with a six pack of mountain de, I'd rather have you drunk.
You're a psychopath.
I was going to say, our stories are about drinking alcohol, and I think it's better than the Mountain Dew.
I'd rather – I get my – I understand my teacher who wants to be drunk.
I don't get the teacher who wants to be drunk.
I actually just – I also just don't under – and I know I'm talking to someone with one in a sense.
But, like, I don't get that like how you like you have
to drink soda i don't i get booze well i don't have to like i get nicotine like that makes you
feel a certain way like soda i don't get oh i mean it's just it's an addiction like anything
else i think my body is like like if i but i i will do i don't do that i don't just sit
i don't drink soda just drinking soda.
It's with meals.
I will never just go home and open a soda and just drink the soda.
But if I have dinner, like a sandwich, pizza, like things that go with it, and I don't have the soda, it's like I can't – like the meal is like – I mean I'll do it if I'm not – there will definitely be times if I like have a sandwich or have something like i have leftovers let's say so the meal is taken care of and i'm like
but there's no soda i'll like run to the store quick to get a soda really to me if i if i need
if i want if i was like looking forward to that meal i will do that that's crazy yeah and that's
not good that's not good that's i mean i drink Coke Zero now. So it's like, whatever.
I'm poisoning my brain, but I'm not getting fat off it.
But yeah, for sure.
I bet you there is some similar feeling that I get in my brain.
The same way you get a buzz or satisfaction.
That meal becomes that for me.
Yeah. or satisfaction like that that meal becomes that for me yeah well there was that thing recently that
and it is this happens every year that sugar is as addictive as heroin and cocaine
i i your instinct is to go no it's not but it can be as addictive just less destructive it's
less it's also just readily available right you know the old joke is like you ever you didn't
suck dick for weed or whatever it's like i can get i can just fucking get yeah
right you know it's like the drugs that are hard to get and you're addicted and you need it if you
took away sugar from if you literally took away sugar from those from some of these people i bet
you they would do terrible horrible things to get you it is like it yeah it's just because you i
remember chris heron had a thing where he's, picture an addict and your mind will always go to some decrepit person.
Yeah, junkie, homeless.
He's like, no, you're looking at – that's not an addict.
That's a person who's at rock bottom.
It's like an addict is – everyone's an addict or something.
An addict can just be in here and you have no fucking idea and that that's what like they're they're trying to change it but like there's still such a stigma around being a
drug addict like everybody automatically thinks of junkies and it's like you know every time it
happens people are like speak up you know you should be able to talk about it's like but you
can't you you might you might think that but like it's still a very heavy part of society that there's just like – there's no sympathy.
There's no whatever.
Yeah.
But with sugar, it is just like – I don't know if I'm addicted to sugar.
I definitely really like it.
I think I am addicted because I can't really go to bed without it.
I think you – I don't think you are addicted.
Cause I think if right now I like told you,
you have to stop.
I think you could.
Yeah.
Cause I think that's also just part of your personality.
Yeah.
But so I don't think you're physically like,
I'm good at my part.
I'm just good at following directions.
Yeah.
Well,
yeah,
but I mean,
it's,
you know,
the fact that you can flip switches on and off is,
is a lot of people can't do that. And that's like the hardest, that's the worst part. I mean, it's like, if you can flip switches on and off is a lot of people can't do that.
That's the worst part.
If you can gamble
and then when it gets bad,
stop yourself, then you don't really have a problem.
Same thing with all devices.
Candies, you don't
feel like you have to because it's not as destructive.
If it became destructive,
if you got seriously unhealthy,
I bet you could stop.
That's you. I really don't think... i think a lot of people otherwise can't i guess you're probably right about that but i i am now my my nighttime snack is i i can't i cannot fall
asleep without a peanut butter jelly well we might be oh i thought you're gonna say like
you know like a little candy bar or something a full-ass sandwich is funny
but that's also better for you than some other shit yeah you're getting some protein and stuff I thought you were going to say like a little candy bar or something. A full ass sandwich is funny.
But that's also better for you than some other shit.
Yeah. You're getting some protein and stuff.
Dude, the.
A full.
So you're ripping through loaves of bread.
You're ripping through jars of peanut butter.
I'm assuming that also comes with kegs of milk.
Yeah.
No, I'll be doing waters.
See, that's where he's disgusting.
I just need to get wet.
I just need my mouth to get wet.
It doesn't matter i i feel like i know that i'm like it's childish that i like how much i drink
soda but like that's that's disgusting yeah that you you drink you eat a peanut butter and jelly
and then just swish it around water yep i mean like i i don't really
chew it that's my that's that's the face that's it right it's not really in my mouth when i put
the water in it's just i just need something to wet my mouth you'll you'll have like like a when
you have that peanut butter in that on your tongue the back of your mouth and you wash that down with
like cold milk and it like pulls off. It's so satisfying.
You'll just fucking drink room temperature water.
That's usually cold water.
I might make it worse, I think.
Cold is almost worse than hot.
You're disgusting.
Anyway, next voicemail.
What's going on, guys?
First time, long time.
Wanted to call because I went to the Taylor Swift movie with my wife this weekend.
And I don't know how else to say it, but it's like totally changed my life and my perception on things.
I am like a peripheral fan of Taylor Swift.
So I see how big of a fan my wife is.
She went to one of the concerts at MetLife this summer.
You know, she's a huge Swifty, but, you know, I respect what she does,
but I'm not really one to go out of my way to listen to her.
That movie was insane.
Within three songs, the theater devolved into madness.
There were rows of 7- to 12-year-olds in front of us,
and I was thinking, okay, this might be a little weird,
but people behind us were up dancing.
Like, I was into it, and I, again, and i again like her music but like couldn't believe it the entire theater was a vibe
um it just totally changed like how i look at her and how like the respect i have for her not that
i didn't before but just that is i mean um so really i'm asking just to see if you guys ever
had an experience like that where you went
in with like a preconceived notion of okay like this is fine like i didn't expect anything to be
special and then it like just totally blows you away i i have one uh it was the taylor swift
concert i mean that that i guess if you haven't gone did he say he went to the concert though
oh okay i thought he said he went to the concert and then the movie was no no no i so i saw a video uh that went viral and it said when when your daughter
and her whole dance team go to the taylor swift video movie uh movie together and they were down
in front doing a whole routine what do you think of that it's's cool. Yeah. I was about, I hated it and I do hate it, but I was like, if Shay was there with her
dance team, I would, I would be like cheering it on.
But I think that sucks.
I don't think so.
Why?
Because it's like, it almost is like it, it like the, the, the, the attention was on them.
It's like, I feel like that's fun to go to and like dance in your seat
with like your mom or your friends or whatever and not have like the cool girls get up and do
a whole routine i mean like if you do a full movie that's probably a little much but if you
do for a song that's cool yeah i well i'm assuming that it was not a one-time thing
i mean you can't have that many songs i feel like they were probably just doing their routines the whole time.
I just felt like there's probably some girls who are not on the dance team sitting there being like, now, fuck.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but I mean like...
Or I'd rather it just be like everybody's just having a good time and it's not like, I don't know a fucking...
I can't do the moves and shit, but I just want to have fun with Taylor.
And now everyone's like, oh my god, look at them.
I guess, but whenever I'm at a party and there's a good dancer,'m not like i'm gonna stop dancing i'm like that actually gets me to dance more
yeah yeah i mean it was still like people were cheering shit but of course i mean the internet
was ripping it apart and i was thinking i was about to do it and then i was like if if shea
was there i would be like this is awesome yeah but i can also say like if i was if i had to be
involved in it i would cheer for it but if i have been like, let's just stay here and dance, I would do that.
But yeah, the people who are like, this is ridiculous.
You've expected people to go to a concert and sit there and just sing.
That would be insane.
Yeah, that would be 10 times crazy.
I don't know of other like i'm
sure i know i've seen bruce on dvd and shit like that i've always watched them like at like a dorm
room where you do just sit there and watch but i'm sure at some point those are in theaters and
like people did like jam out to them like what the that's crazy there's some things to criticize
with taylor some things yeah i can understand both sides of it.
That ain't it though.
I don't really know what – my thing is everything.
Like –
I would say –
Everything I've ever gone to.
I've said this a million times.
If people are passionate about it and they're having fun, I'm going to have fun.
I would say stand-up comedy is a big one.
The first time you do that, I think you realize how impressive it is yeah first time you see good live comedy i think um i happened with me for
improv with with ben schwartz that was a thing that i was like i like ben schwartz and i'll
watch this because i support him um and he really really sold it to me i was like i'll see we'll see
we'll see we'll see who if he's right We'll see if he knows what he's talking about.
And I was like, holy shit, this is unbelievable.
That would probably be the one that I most was like going into.
Like, I'm not gonna like this.
And I really, really did.
But I mean, if you just do if you do anything, if you watch an expert do anything, it's impressing.
Yeah.
I always remember a story of my dad.
I might have told this before, too, with like our landscaper or gardener or whatever.
And my dad's a fucking weirdo who likes looking to get a workout in for
anything.
Yeah.
So like when he'd come,
my dad'd be like,
I'll help you dig the holes and stuff like that.
So like he goes out and helps them and it's an older guy and my dad's in
shape and stuff like that.
And they'd be digging holes for the plants or whatever. And the other guy would dig like 10 to my dad's one. And my dad's in shape and stuff like that and they'd be digging holes for the plants or whatever and the other guy would dig
like 10 to my dad's one.
And my dad would be like, how are you doing
this? I'm younger than you.
I'm better shaped than you. I'm stronger than you.
This is art, bro.
Guy's name was Jacques
and Jacques just held up his
shovel and went 30 years.
He's just like,
he's an expert. It's an impressive like, yeah, he's an expert.
He knows what I watch.
It's an impressive thing to watch anyone who's an expert.
If you follow me on Instagram more often than not,
my stories are just people who like can draw really cool pictures with like
their toes or like do these cool things with markers or that guy showed you
with the 3d boxes with the shadows,
like things that I've never even heard of i'm like what do you call yourself a shadow box picture creator like
what the fuck even is this i love that kind of stuff more than like watching sports highlights
or whatever where i'm like i've seen that shit before have you seen the woman who paints with
her hands and her toes no she has this stop stop animation what's it called time lapse time
she's um she has a paintbrush between each toe and paintbrush and shit in her fingers in her
hands and she paints with her feet and her hands and she creates eight fucking like unbelievably
detailed pictures and the internet was like i can't believe in 2023
people think this is real and the comments were like this is sped up obviously like and i think
they do like they cut out the parts where sometimes she gets down on the floor and like
but she does paint with her toes and her hands yeah and on if you go to her youtube she has a
nine hour video that's like here's the full unedited, and she's just doing it.
And that's insane to me.
I can't even begin to understand how you start to paint with your toes to the level of like detail.
We're not talking Picasso.
We're talking like faces and hair and like individual details.
But the internet was like, no, this is not real.
This is not real.
This is just not real.
And it's like, no, it's impressive. It's so impressive you just don't think it's possible but
like there's so much cool shit out there that people can do and everybody just hates on it i
i don't get the idea of i think the world is either you either go into things ready to hate
or you go into things ready to like it rather than just let me see what it is yeah like you know that the game of thrones
it stunk people couldn't admit that um or you know drake people like fuck this it's like why
don't you just see where you go some things are good some things are bad uh last one yep
okay it's your radio crew i'll make this quick how old were you guys when you found out that pickles were actually cucumbers?
I was 23.
I'm 33 now.
My issue is the act of pickling is real, but why don't we call pickles what they are?
They're pickled cucumbers. Cucumbers, yeah.
Right?
We call pickled carrots, pickled carrots, pickled onions.
That always escapes me too.
I think that pickles are probably...
What's wrong, Oscar?
I think that pickled cucumbers are just so good they became the standard.
Yeah.
I was pretty young when I learned what that was.
My mom used to make them.
Really?
What does that mean, by the way?
You put them in a jar?
Vinegar.
And just let them sit.
Yeah.
So she wouldn't make them, make them.
It wouldn't be a jar thing. It would just be like we'd have a bowl of cucumbers out
and she just pour vinegar on them and then they would kind of sit out there and that like it was
so it wasn't pickled so to speak but i was right she was like i learned pretty young she's like
yeah you pickle in this blah blah what i've learned later in life is that everything that's
pickled is awesome yeah like it's just like it's just like making it super salty and tasty
dude like a lot
of hello freshers call for pickled onions they'll give you a little vinegar chop the ends up and
again pickled is i'm sure like there's so much maybe to get that that phrase that that moniker
it's got to be a longer period of time in a jar but like but for the hello fresh adding like
it's like to start the recipe put the onions onions in a bowl, pour vinegar on them,
make the rest of the recipe.
By the time it's done.
That's technically pickled, but they're vinegar-soaked onions.
And everything
pickled is.
I used to be terrified of...
I'd see a jar of pickled onions.
That looks gross if it's full of carrots
or whatever the fuck it is.
It's delicious every time. I've still never had a pickled egg. I don't know how that would be. I'm sure it's full of carrots or whatever the fuck it is it's delicious every time i've still never had a pickled egg i don't know how that would be but i'm sure it's delicious um i just
found out do you know what do you know where motel comes from motel yeah motor hotel yeah
just found that out yesterday 38 years what did you do the crossword um no um i think it was a tweet i just saw it it was like so it's crossword a lot um
and i don't know i i guess i never just thought i just i was like it's a smaller hotel and i guess
if you pressed me i would have said mini hotel i never never they're always right i i think i i
think i don't know if i technically knew it was motor hotel but i knew i think i think i think
maybe i i officially learned it in the crossword where it's like roadside hotel and i was like motel well right but that's to me
i didn't understand that it's motor i would have just said like along the road but like when you
stay at a smaller hotel that you're just like driving on the off the side you go to a motel
but i didn't know that was because it's literally the motor yeah i would say rosa i would have said
like roadside motel and just not putting together that roadside is motor and motor is the motor.
So I didn't know it was a literal.
Oh, I'll tell you why.
I know why.
I know why I came up with it.
So I did, when I did my Taylor Swift video the other day with Kelsey, I combined their names in every different combination.
So I did like Taylor Kelsey and Travisvis swift but then i did like trailer and
travis like yeah those are technically called a portmanteau yep and and somebody
wrote a comment saying like i loved all the portmanteaus and i was like i didn't know what
that was and when you google that the example is motor it's like when words combined to make a new
word like motor hotel and i was like i just found out portmanteau and motor i'm learning so much right now um that's it right that was it សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.