KFC Radio - TBH We Love Seeing Everyone's Spotify Wrapped Ft. Mark Normand

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Timecodes: 01:39 Spotify Wrapped 12:04 Feits' Dicksickle 20:44 Jackie got censored during the Cyber Monday Telethon 47:18 Beekeeper movie 47:39 Beekeeper trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzINZZ6iqxY&t=64s 58:14 Video Voicemails 01:21:23 Mark Normand Interview Preview +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Stacker2: Go to https://stacker2.com/barstool, make a purchase online, take a screenshot of your receipt, and tweet us the photo with the #BiteBack for a chance to win BodyArmor: Available in stores nationwide but you can head on over to the BODYARMOR Store on Amazon at https://barstool.link/BODYARMOR & get yours today! Omaha Steaks: Visit https://OmahaSteaks.com for 50% off sitewide plus use promo code KFC at checkout to get that EXTRA $30 OFF your order. Rent.app Head to https://Rent.app/barstool for $50 off your first rent payment and download Rent app in the App store today Solo Stove: Run, don’t walk, to https://solostove.com to pick up the limited-edition Snoop Stove and join Snoop in going smokeless for good.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Everybody, I want you to pause right now and have a s*** sex. Girls, get ready. Guys, ask her. Have some s*** sex right now. Pause and come back. Stacker 2 is the sponsor of KC Radio today. We've got the shots right here. B12, 10,000% of your daily value. They also have the chew gummies, the extreme energy gummies.

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at Stacker 2 and you can win a sweepstakes coming to New York. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today's a big day. It's Spotify Rap Day, baby. I think Spotify Rap is amazing. Oh, I think it's the best. Yeah, I think it's one of the most

brilliant marketing campaigns that has ever existed. I like what other companies try to replicate it. And then they just realize that they're all bad things. Here's how many Ubers you took. And everyone's like, I got to stop taking Uber. And I think Uber Eats did it once. Every company where it costs money did it.

And everyone was like, wait, did I spend $40,000 on delivery last year? Cut that one! Cut it! Dude, it's so true. It's like, yo, if you feel like you are struggling to get by, if you're one of those people that has a job and you're like, how can I not make rent? You go look at your Ubers and your delivery and shit. It's like for people in these cities at least, the major cities. It's like tens of thousands of dollars.

It's nuts. But they're all – it's like how – basically what those apps are – $40,000. For – those apps are like pay video games for adults. Like with kids where it's like – it's $0.10. Who cares? Where it's like adult version of $0.10 is $10. Whatever.

Who gives a shit? And at the end of the year, you're like, what? I spent my entire salary on fucking delivery. I have literally $0 in savings. This is why I'm paying – guys pay me $50 to fucking watch him jerk off. It's an inside joke I'm realizing right now that nobody really knows, right? It was a weird day. It's going to sound weird for listeners.

I'll tell you about it one day. I think Spotify Raps had a moment. It's been, what, like, I don't know, five years maybe? Or longer? Longer. I wouldn't say much longer, but definitely Old Office. Probably, I'd say 2017, that's a guess. So that's what pops up.

Because I remember trying to steal it, too. I feel like everyone tried to steal it. Do it for Barstool. I want to do it for Barstool Gold. Right. But there was really no way to do it, whereas maybe the video you watch, but you just know what movie. If you watch seven-minute like Maybe the most The video you watch But you just know What movie

If you watch Seven minute videos You know what video You watch a bunch of times Yeah I think it could work If you rewatch them at all I think it could work I mean there's no way

We would have the technology We would be told That that technology Is beyond human capacity At Barstool When I Think that's now Yeah

Seven years ago I was like Hey guys What if we did something Like we were just Show what articles they shared the most or something like that. And everyone is like, how will we do that? I was like, I don't know. What do you do here then? Yeah.

Like that would be the most basic. Like don't you analyze how much people watch and read? But then I think it like – it had a moment maybe in the last couple years where people were like, ugh, I'm so over it. I'm sure there are some people like that now. I'm not over it. I love it. I love every second of it.

I think it's great. I want to see it. I love every time there's a surprise. I'm like, ah! When you're in the top, oh, whatever percent, it's fun. I'm falling off. You fell off on Taylor? You know what?

That's not your fault. Top 2% this year. That's not your fault. There's too many odds. I agree. Because I would argue I've listened not your fault. Top 2% this year. That's not your fault. There's too many others. I agree. Because I would argue I've listened to more Taylor this year than any other year. You just have the freaks. Yeah.

You have the people. When you guys did the skittin' out of order with the Drake stuff, I was laughing so hard about it. But then these guys were telling me that dudes they know actually did that, where you play music over it. Oh, I didn't actually do it. Right? You told me that, right, Paps? Was there's oh i know people that curate their shit yeah oh yeah like people put it on overnight and turn down the volume oh no i i told you that i thought so maybe it wasn't you it was somebody young where i was like yeah like put on drake i remember hearing this from you now you're playing it overnight so that you have another 12 hours of drake just so you can be like Drake's number one.

Let me tell you that. Let me tell you something. If you do that, I feel like we might be two of the most insecure people on the planet Earth. I would never even dream. I never even knew

that was an idea to let me try to curate my Spotify rap. And by the way... Because also, it's not something you have to share. Right.

If it's not what you want, just don't share it. Yeah, yeah. But I could see people – also, if you do it for Drake, you're a fucking loser. Yeah. If you do it for like – what's that band that you love, Pavs? Icy Lovers? Yeah.

Like if you were to be like, I want to make this my number one and like show – you know, that kind of shit. But who fucking cares? Now, I'm always in the spot of my kids fucked mine up because we're in the car a lot. And for the first for the last few years, I couldn't even participate in Spotify Rap Day at all because it was songs from Peppa Pig and shit

like that. Now we're starting to get into it's still weird, but I play real music for them. My number one song of the year I was so fucking proud of. It's Super Thug by Noriega. Came out in 1998. It's a 25-year-old rap song.

You probably don't even know it, but in it, Noriega just goes, What, what, what, what, what? So Keegan just calls it the What What Song. And he just put it on loop. My number two song was uh look at me now with with bust the rhymes chris brown and no way uh then there was a lame hannah montana song for shea uh peaches from super mario oh i i it's jack black right i haven't heard that song here it's great oh it's great it's so good and then um snow at the beach. Taylor starts to do that. Oh, yeah.

Taylor is my number one artist of the year, though. So the problem with her is she didn't get to the top. Did you get a percentage? It's like 9%. But for me, that's like crazy. And that's mostly, I do like Taylor now, like her newer stuff. But that's mostly because Shay loves her. But she didn't crack any of the top five. Because we listened to like 20 different Taylor songs.

Whereas like Noriega. That's all the same way. I didn't have any Taylor. Because five Because we listened to like 20 different Taylor songs Whereas like Noriega That's on the same way I didn't have any Taylor Because I just put on like Taylor playlists And so I didn't know it got such a deep album I wonder I would venture to guess People catalog

That there's a huge Huge obviously percentage of people Who have number one as their Taylor With maybe Like Not songs in the top five. The total freaks are going to have all top five. Yeah.

But I bet you there are people who, like, Taylor's number one, but they don't even have a singular song that gets in there because they just spread around. Oh, that's on that person. Yeah, but I'm saying I bet you there's a lot of those. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I bet that's not that uncommon because it's just like you listen to all of these, you know, instead of just repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat,

you just let the album play. What's weird is my uh my top two artists are also named taylor i'm sorry my top two songs are also by an artist named taylor taylor it's taylor acorn who actually robbie fox just had in here she's like a punk rock girl oh wow and i would i would have guessed yours my guess for yours top five would have been Taylor Zach Bryan Noah Kahan These are all good guesses Only one's right But they're all good guesses

That Oliver Anthony guy Those weren't in there? No Did Olivia Rodrigo sneak in there? What's up? Did Olivia Rodrigo sneak in there? No

I was surprised by that too If that girl would do that I would fuck your brother song. That is our number one song of the year. If you have 10,000 minutes, listen to I'll Fuck Your Brother. Number one was Taylor, two, Blink, three, the 1975. Oh, yeah, I should have known these, too. Four, All Time Low, five, Knox.

That's a good game to play, like a newlywed couple game or a podcast couple or whatever. How well do you know your partner? Yeah. I should have known. You were slobbering on Matty Healy's dick the other day. Yeah, dude. I mean, he is a rock star. Bro, before I went to that concert, I didn't know much of.

I've liked the 1975. I've liked them for two years, three years. What was, like, their big hit? Didn't they have one that was, like, something about the summer? Or am I making that up? I forget. It was, years, three years. What was their big hit? Didn't they have one that was something about the summer? Or am I making that up? I forget. It was two albums ago. So I liked them since two albums ago came out.

And then I don't know what. Something about this new album, Being Funny in a Foreign Language, came out last year, I think. Maybe earlier this year. And I really liked that. So that's when I became a big fan. But I still didn't really know. I don't know a ton about each band.

I just like the music, right? Like it is like people always do that with – they always are like, why don't you do Tale of a Dozen? Like I get it wrong. I just like the music. I would probably know a decent amount about rap songs from my era because I really like followed that. Everything else, I'm just like like i just like your music like i don't take the time to look up like where they're

from and what their story is or whatever just like okay cool and before the 1975 i went with a guy who's buddies with uh uh the tour manager and we were getting drinks beforehand and like it was it we got tickets from the artist there's like band tickets and stuff like that so like we didn't think we were going to but it wasn't out of the question that we might meet the band right and so we're getting beers beforehand and almost be nervous and they're like they're like what are you gonna do if maddie tries to kiss you and i was like i was like what what are you talking about is that like a thing and he's like i guess he does it in interviews if he thinks the guy's attractive he's like do you want to kiss you and i was like i was like what what are you talking about is that like a thing and he's like i guess he does it in interviews if he thinks the guy's attractive he's like do you want to kiss no and i was like well i'm gonna kiss him wait wait wait maddie healy that's what

we're talking about right yeah yeah yeah okay i'm assuming he does that to make people uncomfortable i think so they don't usually do it i think he's done it A bunch of times Okay cause I was gonna say I would love it He does a lot He does a lot Yeah And they do kiss They do kiss yeah

Okay I guess nowadays You can't be like You'll be like Labeled homophobic or whatever Yeah But I would love it to be like You try

You fuck around In case you're ready You find out Tongue You wanna fucking You wanna reach around While I do it I'll take this I'll take this to the fucking very end, man.

I'll take my pants off right now, Matty Healy. You want to do a bit about kissing men. You've come to the right fucking place. I think he goes tongue in everything. No. I think so. I don't know. Oh, I don't know.

I've seen a couple TikTok clips of him kissing guys, and I've never seen tongue. I was going to say, listen, as much as I just talk shit, I'm not tongue-kissing anybody. That was an absolute joke. I will kiss you on the lips. I'm not tongue-ing. I don't even like tongue-ing girls, bro. Alright, this is a perfect segue. We'll get back to Spotify after the second. Last night, I did something that, in my life,

I've never done before. Well, I've done before. I've done twice before. Once before. I was, you know, you know how you do at Well, I've done before. I've done twice before. Whoa. Once before. I was, you know, you know how you do it, and I didn't do it with some popsicles. And, and...

You know I do. I do my popsicles. I get popsicles. You know how me and Couscous do? And I'm, and I'm, I get this popsicle out of the wrapper,

and I was like, this... Don't do anything sexual with a popsicle. I didn't do anything sexual with a popsicle out of the wrapper. And I was like, this... Don't do anything sexual with a popsicle. I didn't do anything sexual with a popsicle. Okay, so... But it sounds like you did. Did you do anything sexual with a popsicle? So look at this popsicle.

Right? Yeah. And before we go further... So then you put it in your asshole. I'll show her around the room. It's... And before we go further. So then you put it in your asshole. I'll show her around the room. Where it's. I mean, that's a pop nickel. So I'll send this here.

It was curved, right? Yep. And. Almost a little bit to the left, too. To the left, right? And it's almost like how. Boy. When realism became a thing in painting, right?

The way to make it look very real, what's the best way to make it look really real, is imperfections. Oh, wow. So that's how they would paint. The fruit would be rotten. There would be flies. That's how it looks real.

It's not perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Popsicles are usually. There would be flies. That's how it looks real. It's not perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Popsicles are usually straight and it's whatever. Straight is narrow, yeah. I popped that thing in my mouth and it hit the roof of my mouth. And I was like, all right, this is too gay. I was going to ask you. Jokingly, I was going to ask you, did you try to deep throw that popsicle?

And it sounds like you did. Just the second I put it in my mouth, just like a regular popsicle like i was like this and then dude twice in my life i've gone all right this is a little too gay it's when a guy offered to blow me and when i sucked that popsicle i don't know why it was it was not the roof of your mouth it was both both the first one just kind of scraped the roof of your mouth? Both. Both. The first one just kind of scraped the roof of my mouth. And I was like, that's not where a popsicle usually goes. And then I was like, maybe if I twist it a little bit. And then it was like.

You take it out and start licking it like this. I'm fucking straight, man. I'm eating my popsicle. I'll get the bottom. So I just bit it off I'll tell you what That's the one thing I get absolutely Nothing out of

Is when They put it in their cheek I don't think Everyone had it done to me But I'm talking about Watching it I'm like That's not gonna feel good

For him or you Just put it back In the hole part You don't need to stretch Your fucking cheeks out with it What are you doing here I don't know if you have it done I'm like, that's not going to feel good for him or you. Just put it back in the hole part. You don't have to stretch your fucking cheeks out with it. What are you doing here? I don't know if you have it done, to use the right way to phrase it. Oh, yeah.

She's doing it. She's doing the blowjob. I thought about it. I see what you're saying. I don't know if that's how I would have led. I hate when dudes put their dick in my cheeks. Like when they put it in and slap the side. I'm like, that's got to hurt your cheek.

Maybe it hurts the tip, the whole thing. That – it's – I think it's good. Good is not the right word because then what I'm about to say is genuinely homophobic. But it's like – I think that's okay. I so too you know it's like we're pretty gay i'm but also something like that happens you're like wait a minute i just felt like a dick that's okay but i was thinking about i was like i don't know why i don't get this feeling with a banana maybe it's the the peel it adds to the experience and you're like it takes you out of it that was just like you bite the banana yeah good point good point goodbye there it is yeah you put it in but if you put a banana in the inside your cheek you'll feel it yeah that shit's real gay yeah but then you just

but yeah the biting is obviously exactly what it is that's why i bit that popsicle like that's enough dick in my mouth for the night you almost wonder how does that happen like how does it freeze somebody somebody in the factory was like let's make some dick sick it's gonna like take the mold and turn it this way real quick it's me the I actually because of how my popsicle intake has increased there are like a weird amount of popsicle pictures in my folder in my like album and like I'll just take a picture of the popsicle every in my folder, in my album. And I'll just open... Are you taking a picture of the popsicle every time you eat it?

Yeah, they look funny. How many popsicle in your search? Yeah, yeah, yeah. By a weird amount, I mean like five. Still not normal. No, I must have deleted them. Never mind. Only one's coming up for popsicle

But I know that's not right Because I know I had some pink popsicles That were pretty fallical And I was holding it by my penis Because I thought it was funny Not my penis isn't in the picture I'm wearing pants Oh, wow

Did we all think the same thing? I thought you were basically sending dick pics with a popsicle No, no, no Look, baby, it's as long as a fucking As long as a mango stick I'm sitting over here in a post, I don't send dick pics. Look, baby, it's as long as a fucking... Dude. As long as a mango stick. I'm sitting over here in a post-nude society, dude. When was the last time you took a nude?

A nude? Yeah. A nude? I took a picture of your dick. A nude? A nude? I think of a nude like I'm naked in front of a mirror. I don't know.

I think I was like 22. When did you send a sexual picture? Years ago? Years ago, yeah, for sure. When was the last time you sent a sexual, like, words message? You still do that? Not really. Bro, we're so washed.

We're the guys who used to be like like don't search gape on our phone you know like thousands of messages will pop up like we're the guys who used to get fucking blackmailed for fucking dick pics

man and now we're just a couple washed up just put it out I don't give a fuck dude we were rock stars I stand by that

we were rock stars John if you got if you got something you got fucking John Feileberg nudes, you have permission to put them out. No one cares.

Dude, there's so many things that like, a lot of the threats I always received over the years, if I didn't have kids, I would have been like, I'll do it for you. I'll press send for you. Make me a fucking martyr. I don't know.

One time, somebody, I watched somebody press send on the phone, and there must have been a burner account or a Twitter account that had zero followers, but I watched it go like, whoop, your tweet has been sent. Of you? Yeah. And I was like, I mean, this is it.

It happened. I was like, I tried to call a bluff, and we were in a game of chicken. That must have been kind of nice. Yeah. But then I quickly searched, and it wasn't there. So then I was just in a whirlwind. Maybe it was a quick delete or, like I said, it was just like an account. I don't know.

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So we had the big Cyber Monday sale. Shout out to Dave for matching that big number. You guys walk away with like $10,000 each. I'm sorry to you. I did some wrong math early on on our trip. I remember telling Pat you were're gonna get a fat bonus the way the way i read dave's original text was i thought he was gonna give black all the black friday money to everybody so i i was looking back at my text being like i was taking like all six million dollars i was like you guys are gonna to get like $50,000, $60,000, $70,000 bonus.

Did you think that? There was like 10% of me that was like – I mean I did say it to him. I was like, yo, I've been like – like Dave told me that – because we didn't know how much we sold on Black Friday. He told me it was a million because it was only $10 million. So we were like – remember we were speculating? We were like, how much do we make? Like $500, 000 during like just the telethon all right so then i was like talking to him being like yeah you might get like

a few thousand you know and then i was like i gotta find out the number for you and i thought it was gonna be the whole thing which you know imagine paz bought a house in the last week bought a house on an iou he's, I got a big fucking black frantic. I think I got his hopes up a little bit. But everybody walks away with like 10 grand, I think, or whatever. So that's a dope little holiday gift. So part of the idea, if you don't know, is anything above our goal was spread around the producers.

And as such, the producers were a very heavy spread around the producers. And as such, the producers were very heavy part of the promoting. It was a very like make funny videos and sarcastic things about how you're, you're so broke and you need money and donate to the cause. And to say that Jacqueline took that very literally and seriously would be a gross understatement. Like we, we, I've been talking about it all week. So I guess I was like broken down. Yes. Jacqueline took that very literally and seriously would be a gross understatement. I've been talking about it all week, so I guess I was like broken down.

Yes, yes. What happens is – so you live in two worlds. You live in KFC radio world and the real world. And I've done this before too where like it's almost like mixing like high school friends with college friends and if you behave a certain way with one and not the other. You know what it really is? This is going to be a weird reference, and only old people will get it. When Marty McFly plays Johnny B. Goode at the Enchantment of the Sea dance, and everyone's like, whoa. That's how I sometimes feel like bringing KFC radio content to Barstool Radio or somewhere else, where they're like, you what you ate you deep throw to the popsicle

what are you talking about so the idea was uh each franchise each brand at barstool stands up during the telethon comes on the stage with dave and we run a video like a commercial video that the producers for each show created and our girl jaceline stepped up and made a video that I had to pull an audible on, like executive decision, we are absolutely not running this. And there was a lot of like, are you sure? I don't know. Maybe we should. Maybe we shouldn't.

And like we absolutely should not have. And it's a very good thing that we didn't. Now I see like, thank God we didn't. Yeah. Yeah. Even when I first said no, I was thinking more just about – I said I got to protect Jackie from herself. I don't want – like I just described, I don't want Dave and the outsiders to be like, what are you guys doing? Those are the two things I was thinking about.

After we made the decision, I was running through my head being like, maybe I should have and it would have just been awesome and funny. That's when I thought about the potential backlash, and I was like, oh, wait, yeah, that was for sure the right call. It also, I guess even probably this part I should take out, but it definitely wouldn't be good to like have it be like oh barstool females have to like yes that that was what i was worried about so when we were on the road um which like i'm realizing like i am a sex worker so when we were on the road i it came about so casually i think i just said something like, are there any Jackie fans in the house?

And everyone was like, woo, jacked up, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just said, Jackie, what's going on? It was just like a kind of... It was certainly not a planned segment. No. And I don't even think I... Oh, no, I did say, I was like, how's your fin dom going?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's the fin dom life going? Because I knew that she was single again and probably dove back into that game. And boy, did she. And I mean we can talk about it on here, right? I guess, yeah. Yeah.

I mean I don't know anymore. No, here's fine. I don't care about the – I mean for you, you're okay talking about it, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't give a fuck. She's the best. This is – what you're experiencing and started on the road is the best and the worst. Yep.

It's when you have something that you like, I don't really know if we should talk about it. And it's kind of a third rail. And then you just do like, you mention it here. And then you mention it there. And you mention it there. And you start realizing. I love it. You're like,

you're like, I didn't die, locusts didn't happen because I said it, and then you're like, and some people laughed, and then you say it again a little louder,

a little differently, and you're like, all right, more people laughed, and I didn't get struck by lightning, and you're like, and he's like,

you notice more and more, you're like, I can just say things and it doesn't seem to matter. There's no responsibility or consequence. You just start looking at yourself in the mirror like fucking Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man. You're like, what the fuck? I can just say everything.

Like, is it bad? I mean, I guess, like, it's not great. It's not great, but it's more funny. It's more funny because it's you. Like, other girls, I think I would be a little more like, it's just funny because it's like a Jackie. It's like a Feidelberg thing. It's like, oh, my God.

It really actually, I mean, you guys are in lockstep always. Anyway, let me explain it, and then I'll. John, you would do the same thing, John. Yeah, yeah. Right. So Jackie has been engaging in some fin dom stuff, and it's gone a little beyond, like, the text do the same thing, John. Yeah, right. So Jackie has been engaging in some fin-dom stuff, and it's gone a little beyond the text messages of like, oh, you're a pig with no money.

He now is FaceTiming her. He jerks off to me on FaceTime to spit it out. Okay, rip off the Band-Aid. He jerks off to her on FaceTime. And he sits there And he does it And Jackie You said you'll be out with friends

And just put it on Yeah I'll be just at the bar And did the friends know what's going on? Yeah And they're kind of laughing and shit? Yeah they're encouraging it See that's where it becomes a fun I might do that for free

I agree with that So Jackie's out at the bar So the real kicker here is Not only is she jerking off to her on FaceTime, he pays her for this, of course. He pays her $50. Five zero dollars. I'm not joking. Uber eats dinner.

No apps. I'm not kidding. That might be the greatest return on investment for a pretty obviously bricked up horny dude to get to jerk off to a chick a hot chick for $40 for $50 I've tried to like barter and like argue for more but he's

he's like good at arguing that we might have to do that next is go through the fucking negotiations that Jackie's putting on her phone so she reveals to fucking negotiations that Jackie's putting on her phone. So she reveals to the crowd that she's been getting jerked off to for 50 bucks. I'm not kidding. That number should 100% be in the thousands.

I would say like 2,500 bucks. That sort of activity. You want to get some pictures. You want to send me some pictures. You want me to rate your dick. You want me to do some light light lifting we could talk about hundreds if i am if you are like jerking off to my face but if i'm watching you come thousands i watch if i not even watch if i hear you come here you'd be like oh jackie that is thousands of dollars for someone who looks like you has a job like you like you're

not like i know you need the cash but you're not like i can't eat today yeah yeah so but this does now this is the first time i've kind of seen the other side of it a bunch of the girls sitting around like being like oh shit that feels like you're on fucking um hanging out with your buddies it's omegle it's like like whatever. What did you say? I was just going to say it's also one of those things though where it's like funnier in theory before. Yeah. Like you guys. Here's – first of all, like I've done – I get that exactly with Chatroulette.

I did Chatroulette with a girlfriend once where we were like, it would be funny. It would be hot. And then like – Sucks. A minute in, we were like, it's a lot of dicks. A lot of dicks. A lot of like ugly dudes. We knew what it was going to be, and it's a little over the top.

Were you thinking you were going to find like some hot chicks and like a couple or like people fucking and stuff? I think we were just kind of like drunk, and we were just like, let's just fucking see what happens. But here's where we're kind of getting this with Jackie. And Jackie, obviously, edit out whatever this is that makes you feel comfortable or not um the i thought about this actually when we were on the road and i i thought about during the last show and i i was like damn i wish we did another show because this is in this whole thing you've been like you know it's not a ton of money, but when it's gone, you realize like, oh, I kind of like to have that extra couple hundred bucks a month, whatever it was. On the road, we posited some other theories where maybe there's a connection here between you and this gentleman. No.

So what I'm offering right offering right you got excited when he got a promotion he said that that was when i realized like i gotta get out he said that he got a promotion i was like genuinely excited for him and i was like wait how long have i been talking to him i talked to him for like a year which is longer than my past relationship so i was like oh my god i i'm gonna catch like i'm'm a few months away from catching feelings for him. So here's where our offer is going to come to play. Whatever it is you're making per month, we will match. But you're not allowed to do this anymore.

Will you do it? We are buying out your contract. Would you stop? You know what this is? You know what this sort of is? This is the ATI question suck one dick for 50,000 or a thousand dollar dicks for everything you suck because she does have the earning potential yeah we'll match whatever you made last month or you can keep going okay I mean I'm obviously out

like I'm done oh really yeah I don't like enjoy this but i'm i'm never gonna i'm never gonna ask you guys for money but you know what so then you're just gonna stop that's that's not fun i want you to have the money no no no no wait that's so sweet um i honestly thought this was gonna go another way yeah no no i i not. We're obviously very okay doing that. I honestly thought you, I thought the funny part was going to be you going, I'm keeping that count. Because, like, if you decide tomorrow to do what we've been telling you and charge him, the day, by the way, I don't know if you've done this yet, when you said, like, I realize that I got to cut this off. The day that you say that is the day that that guy will start to play you like $1,000. Yeah.

You actually accidentally and stupidly played this perfectly now because he might be so used to this. He might be like, I will pay you $5,000 a month. Who knows?

Who knows what this guy has? Maybe he's fucking rich. He like isn't. Like he like doesn't pay though. Like he's like very tight with his money. Wait, does he pay you or not? Yeah, he does pay me but like not that much. Obviously. He's like very tight with his money wait does he does he pay you or not yeah he does pay me but like not that much obviously he's like yeah but i got the worst fucking fin dom

that's what i'm saying so that's where like you understand that's your job yeah you're refusing to do your job by taking his money from him and i'm so awkward with money i'm like the worst person to do it yeah that's why i said you and final burger the same it's like hey man do you want this money he's like i can't take it well that's the thing is like if you're offering to match me sure like right now i say oh my god i'm out thank god but i know i'm never gonna get them i'm never gonna ask you for money we'll give it to you no no no no no i'm like i'm refusing it no no no no no but so you're to refuse it and stop your side gig? No, no, no, no.

But like, then I'm just going to go back to it. Okay, so your answer is no. So I guess my answer is no. Yeah. I'm good. I'll do the jerk off three times. So, all right.

That is fine. I just, I, I, I, I will match one, like the first time you do it, I will match – like the first time you do it, I will match if you get him to do it for $2,500. $2,500? Maybe $1,000.

I think it should be like $2,500 for someone who looks like her and has a prominent position and like there's a little extra i would think to this pervert being like oh my god she's somebody you know what i mean i think i mean i think this should this potentially if you if you uh found the right guy and knew how to fucking negotiate you could just like ten thousand dollars but i'll match it if you make it uh high enough okay but then also it's like i mean i'm i'm i'm a good like i want to make sure that he's getting his money's worth. Oh, Jesus. He's giving you $50. He's getting his money's worth.

I know, but I do $50 worth of work. Like I was saying, he doesn't last very long on the FaceTimes. So it's like – That actually made the crowd ooh and ah a little bit. I said – I was like, hey, listen, how many of you guys make $50 or $100 a minute? And they were like, oh, all right right i see what you're talking about now yeah so it's like yeah i'll get like a minute i don't have to say anything i'll just kind of like look hot and then he gives me 50 bucks so it's like if he's charging more than i have to be yes my buckaroos. Get my 50 smackers. The way you say it perfectly represents how little money it is.

And he chucks me a quarter. Oh, my God. He's being single. I'm picking up off the floor. Yeah. If you get – I don't want to put a number on it. If you negotiate better and get a good number for this, I'll match it. Okay.

Okay, I'll try. But I'm not – it can't even be in the hundreds. I also kind of am like chilling now with this Dave bonus. negotiate better and get a good number for this i'll match it okay okay i'll try but i don't i'm not it can't even be in the hundreds i also kind of i'm like chilling now with this dave bonus that's true yeah but i work but now my money from work is allowing me so anyway to go back to this whole reason i'm telling this the video she made um i mean i i guess we can run no i don't i still don't think we should have a video of it out there. It's just Jackie being like, please buy Barstool merch so I don't have to do this anymore. Which 1,000% was going to get a hit piece being like, female Barstool employees need to resort to $50 FaceTime jerk offs to make their rent.

I was saying that during an ad read yesterday of the last episode. I was like, just because it's like, we're going to pay a producer's rent. I was like, just because it's like we're going to pay a producer's rent. I was like, just to be clear, we pay these people. Yeah. It took on a life of like we need to pay. We need to concoct this ridiculous barstool Black Friday sale challenge thing to make sure these people like put food on the table. They all have salaries. Probably some of them have regular bonuses,

and then this is an extra bonus. So they're not totally broken. It really is like no good deed goes unpunished. It's the same thing as when Bezos donates $100 million and gets criticized. It's like Dave decided ordinarily money that goes to probably rent and bills and technology, all this other shit,

he just said, take all that money and give it to the people who work really hard. And there were people out there who were like, this is disgusting. Jesus fucking Christ. Why don't you ask the people doing it if they have a problem with it? I'm pretty sure all of them are pretty fucking cool with this idea. You can't win. You really can't. But imagine now thinking about running that.

That was live, so there was no taking it back. I also said to Jackie, I was like, you know, it's one thing to do it on stage for a few hundred people at KFC Radio. This is even a little dicey doing it on this show, but it's still like, we're cool. We don't really have that many narcs on our team. Yeah, everyone's got to be cool about this. Yeah, be cool. Except for everyone who narced on me for the shirts that I sold on Black Friday. You fucking rats.

Which, by the way, I think I'm in the clear. One of my greatest Houdini acts ever. The fact that that didn't get taken down is crazy. So I think you can play it here. If we played it live on the telethon where you have people tuning in being like, I'm just a Chicks in the Office fan. Like here because, you know, Fran and Ria are here. Like I really like this.

I really like that. And you pop on and it's like this girl just being like her performance. Again, I really – I wish we still had some sort of Barstool Gold or something to play it because she's like, he just sits there sits there like to me to me all the time it's so fucking funny but like that would have run by the way if you ever do this again no more than 60 seconds is necessary I hit like the 45 second

mark and tap the screen and saw that we were halfway done and I was like oh my god what could she possibly say next and I just imagine it being like running for a minute 30 and coming back and Dave being there holding the mic being like what the

fuck was that was that real well so you know what's funny is I actually thought afterwards the reason why we're freaking out is because it's true and it's a little bit dark if if you were to play that for anybody else you'd be like no this is a bit yeah you know

what i mean like all the other girls in chicago being like they don't treat us well it's like this is a bit so we could have just played that and been like no one watches them get like hit and they're like that's what happened right so jack could have just played that and been like – No one watches them get hit and they're like, that's what happens? Right. So Jackie would get up there and be like, a guy jerks off to me and that's how I pay my rent. So I need money. He would be like, oh, she's doing – that's the kind of stuff that Dave used to do. I'm rich but I'm going to say I'm poor or all that.

Like you play up an angle to make the money. So people probably would have been like, oh, my God. Like she was, you know, she really. Yeah. But then I could also see them being like, well, it's a bit right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's where our reactions.

Once we reacted, it was like everybody would have been like, oh, this shit's real. Yeah. But this is, you know, I almost feel like this is graduation day for Jackie. This is when you hit that level of like, again, like you said, for better or worse, right or wrong, where you're like, oh, I'll do anything for content. Oh, attention? Okay, I'll do anything. I mean, it was very funny and well done and, like I said, a little too long and creepy. But it was a great piece of content.

Just like my Popsicle. I mean, afterwards, Dave was like i gotta see this video yeah so that's me like under his breath while we left and i was like i don't think he should not say that well you do as much as i i think it's very funny um but there is like some i i don't i want to i want to protect your reputation a little bit because people will be you know what I mean? And sometimes I wish there were people for me who said like, yo, you don't have to put that out or something.

You don't have to make that joke or say that thing. I can only fall through the wall with like pregnancy. Well, that's why the pregnancy and the sex work is like, man, this bitch wants to move merch. So, you know, yeah, you're really out there hustling, girl. I'm curious how it would have played out. What? I said I'm curious how it would have played out.

I am too because there is also a world where Dave saw that and was like, Jackie, we're doubling Jackie's salary. Yeah, like you just said, like, man, this girl will do anything for content. Like, down to ride, like you just said, like, man, this girl will do anything for content. Like, down to ride. Here you go. That's like one of those Doctor Strange, like, one in 14 billion whatever things. But, like, it's a possibility.

It's not a non-zero possibility. There is, like, sometimes, a lot of times Dave and, like, the sex humor doesn't, he doesn't like that. Like, the answer to the internet type questions where it's about fucking and sucking and doing weird shit, he's always kind of been like, that's not his style. So I could see him being like... I remember him writing a porn blog once.

Yeah, I can't even believe you did that. I've never really heard him talk about porn. It was like, do you know when you stumble upon that, your favorite video that you thought you lost? And I remember the screenshot of it he had in the blog. And I was just like, fuck. I give him the headline. I give him the title of that video. I don't know how many seconds in that video.

It's Christina Rose, dude. Just ask. I could find that video right now and just randomly text it to dave and you know he'd know it like that's the one what the but that is like to me i've always thought like the porn and sex things are funny and and i you get some haters being like uh thinking that it's like sophomoric or a crutch or that's all you talk about or whatever i think it's the most relatable like a crutch or that's all you talk about or whatever. I think it's the most relatable. Like all of us do that and all of us know these little things and it's like the most unspoken thing.

I think that's like where the funniest shit happens. Although what I am learning sometimes with Dave is like he is like my age now for a lot of the times when – a lot of times when I'd be like, why don't you think that's funny? Or why don't you go out and drink anymore? I'm now at that age and I'm like, ah. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I kind of forgot that like, I don't know, I was like 25 and he was, at that point he was like early 30s.

But by the time we got cooking, he's like mid to late 30s when, and thought of him almost like as a our peer yeah same temporary and he's not really you know same exact way when i i definitely thought not contemporary not peer because obviously hierarchy was different but definitely like the same generation sort of thing and i think i am i think when i started working like full-time Milton, I was off the Blackout Tour, all that stuff. I'm now his age. At that age, yeah. Yeah, I'm the age he was when I was like... When you realize how much stuff that I was probably like, ah, you're like an old man.

It's like, well, yeah. Yeah, I'm an old man. Totally. The music. Bro, I thought about that recently. I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds. And the killer we need criminal minds counter the uh we need wait wait we need a fight over bingo that would

be great criminal minds uh 30 rock popsicles popsicles mangoes uh doesn't it survive like there's there needs to be like 10 things for bingo or whatever Fast and Furious what? Fast and Furious Fast and Furious

that one's almost too obvious that's like Taylor but that's what I mean like some of them need to be like wait speaking of all this dumb shit I like Paz can you

can we take a break real quick can you pop the screen on and can you pull up a trailer for me why don't you take a break let's just do it on the show yeah oh yeah

that's what I meant like yeah yeah yeah break in conversation but the I was gonna say in Criminal Minds Pull up a trailer for me. Why don't you take a break? Let's just do another show. Yeah, that's what I meant. Like a break in conversation. But I was going to say, in Criminal Minds, it's a lot of serial killing. And first of all, I'd like to say that I don't hear a lot of clamoring for representation in shows like Criminal Minds. There's still one group of people who have a stranglehold on the supporting cast. And they're all mid-30s white men. And whenever they're like, he's mid-30s white male, I'm like, that dude's 50! Mid-30s in your bra.

I'm like, I'm mid-30s, my man. That dude looks 100! So I'm starting to realize even clearer how old I am. It's the holiday season. A lot of you out there are like, what do we get for dad? What should I get for my father? What should I get for my son? What should I get for my brother?

Uncles. Anybody, particularly the men in your life, but really anybody that enjoys a nice meal, get them Omaha Steaks. We do this every year a couple times a year. We do it for Father's Day. We do it for Christmas. It's always a smash hit. Omaha Steaks gives you the best deal on the most quality food delivered right to your home. Right now they're doing 50% off the whole store.

That includes juicy filet mignons, high-quality burgers, chicken, pork. They do desserts. They have their famous special seasoning, gourmet hot dog, gourmet franks. They've got everything you need to have your dad or whoever you're getting the gift for be a grill master. It comes in a nice, comes in a cooler. Dry ice keeps everything fresh and cool. You can pop it in the freezer. You can eat it right away.

We're talking ground beef for your burgers and top sirloins all the way up to the filet mignons. The pork, the cutlets, the chicken cutlets, the pork cutlets, all top-notch coming with the Omaha Steak seasoning that gives you that taste that only Omaha can bring. It's 50% off the whole store right now. When you go to omahasteaks.com and use promo code KFC at checkout, it's 50% off no matter what. Then when you use KFC at checkout, you get an additional $30 off your offer. So you can get a whole, like, meat and food.

They got sides, potatoes all gratin. They've got desserts, caramel apple tartlets. I mean, I've been doing Omaha Steaks for, like, 20 years now, and they've got it all. And you can get 50% off and then another $30 when you use promo code KFC at checkout at OmahaSteaks.com. But, Pat, just throw me a look for the Beekeeper trailer. I saw this preview when I went to see Salt Burn, and it looks like the sickest movie of all time. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude.

Is that Jason? It's Jason Statham. Will you stomp his ass out? You're telling me one man did this? The only thing you know is he's a beekeeper. Oh my god, that's the biggest fucking explosion I've ever seen. A beekeeper is a special

program outside the chain of command. I protect the hive Oh my god, that's the biggest fucking explosion I've ever seen. The viewkeeper's is a special program. Outside the chain of command. I protect the hive. When the system's out of balance, I correct it. We have laws for these things. Until they fail, then you have me. The viewkeeper.

You are a problem. Goddamn right, I'm a problem. I figured I'd give the firefighters a break somebody detain this guy we have to kill him before he kills his way to the top honey it's flammable who knows way to the top. Honey? It's flammable.

Oh, no. Bro, that looks like the sickest movie of all time. We gotta go to that. Wanna go to that? Let's do a KC Radio field trip just for the movie theater. Please, dude. We'll go to a thing before, like a bowling thing or or whatever again before and then we'll see the beekeeper i've i've said before that you're telling me one man did this and all we know is that he's a beekeeper

that's why that's why i kept feeling you gotta find the right show because gotta start with him as a beekeeper yes yeah you have to get the whole vibe not him start with i'm gonna burn the ground no no he's a beekeeper and it is I mean they've done things like that before like you know it starts off

he's like a lumberjack or something or he's in seclusion those are the best I've said this a million times but the best kind of movie is

I'm a former badass who just wants to be left alone and you fucked with somebody I care about now I have to kill everybody

that's the best genre of movie but it's it's it's gladiator it's taken yeah it's another jason stay the movie home front yeah it's like dude i just want on fire fast five fast five vin diesel's just like dude i'm out oh no that's not five uh that's seven but whatever um it's the class that story line i thought i was out they pulled me back in, I, every day I could kill everybody, but I choose not to just leave me alone. And you stopped leaving me alone. So now blood's coming. It's the bad. I love that.

He ties it into like his, he's like, I protect that. It's not just like, okay. I'm sure. Especially if he's that line. Plus the flammable honey. You know, there are parts where he talks about honeycomb, the queen bee, the worker bees. Some bees need to just work. Absolutely. Everything's going to be heavy bee similes and metaphors and shit.

I can't fucking wait. It's January 12th, 2024. We'll have to go like opening night we might need to reach we might need to i think is his wife in it i i feel like i saw she she remember she was she was so hot on the scene and then she's like i'm just gonna be jason davis way who's way rosie huntington whiteley whatever remember her she was a big like guess that ass i feel like i saw her in a trailer recently. I mean, as far as I know, they're still married. But they, like, got – she was, like, a big it girl type deal, like, on that – Slowly remembering that now, yeah.

That track. And then her and Statham got married, and it was just like – I don't know. I never heard from her again. Do you believe this guy? The worst guy. This guy is Googling. This man just Googled Jason Statham to open up his Wikipedia to find his wife. I wanted to see if they were still married because on Wikipedia it says the day that they're married and if they're divorced.

I thought that was high IQ. You didn't think Jason Statham's wife would have just been the better idea to Google there? Well, if you type it, I guess you're right. I do remember her now. I was about to say blonde chick, nice ass, yeah. Yep, yep. How old is she? She's 36.

They are engaged, not married. Oh, they've been engaged for a long ass time. Been together since 2010, engaged with two kids. I cannot believe that people overseas measure their height in meters. That's crazy. Like, how tall are you, 1.79? Who the fuck knows what that means? That is so crazy.

You're dealing in fractions of a meter? Nobody's above two meters. That's crazy. I don't think anybody's going to care, but I just saw the new Hunger Games. Dude, is that a show or a movie? Movie. Is it good? I mean, yes, but Tom Blythe is – I've never been so in love with a character

or just like I'm so taken aback. Tom Blythe? He's so hot tom blithe ew what oh my god he's so that fucking guy yeah yeah i can't say he does it for me there i like he's not even my type and oh my god i like cannot stop watching 28 year old from birmingham england juilliard uh you know, artsy guy. Is that office manager Brett? I've never seen any of the Hunger Games. Some of those look better.

But this one fucks with – for some reason I saw this trailer and I was like, this looks sick. Wait, you've never seen any of the Hunger Games? I've never seen any of the Hunger Games. Where are you at? Yeah. I mean, J-Lo is a legit actor, and so is Donald Sutherland, the bad guy. There's like some real actors in there. I think Lenny Kravitz is in it actually.

Really? Yeah. I might dabble. There's some real actors in there. I think Lenny Kravitz is in it, actually. Really? Yeah. I might dabble. Because I hear this one's good. The other ones are good. Yeah, no, I hear they're all good. But with young adult stuff, the only one I ever fucked with was Harry Potter. I didn't do Twilight.

I didn't like... But The Hunger Games, yeah, I agree with that, too. I've seen some of those other ones, like The Maze Runner. Yeah, I didn't fuck with that. Divergent. That and Divergent. To me, M to me maze runner and divergent same exact show yeah same exact movie um hunger games is actually good i hunger games is fire i'm surprised like i guess it's been a long time now seems a little early to do a full reboot to me and just call it like the hunger but this is at least a prequel oh but, is it? Oh, okay. But they are going to do a full reboot for Twilight.

I heard about that, yeah. I think that's just because Ortega and Lordy are so hot on the scene. Yeah. They're like, we need to do a movie where these two are fucking each other somehow. What would be a good fit? Perfect vampires. But so this is, I thought this was just like somebody else is replacing Jennifer Lawrence and playing her now.

No, it's like President Snow's villain origin story, basically. Oh, okay. I fuck with that a lot. I think I'm going to go see this, and if I like it, go watch the other ones. I would honestly tell you just to watch the first ones right away. They're good enough. At least, like, the first one, there's three, right? Yeah. And I think the second...

No, there's, like, four. Because the last one's in two parts. I think the last one is split into two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mockingjay 1 and Mockingjay two. They're – it's legit. They're – I've always found it funny that some of these – when I – when they get characterized as like young adults, books, I'm like this is my shit. This is sci-fi nerd shit. Living in a post-apocalyptic world where every district of the city needs to fight in a grand battle for their food because the empire is corrupt.

You're telling me that 13-year-old girls want to read that? What? That's so weird to me. You know, you would think it would, I guess, you know, they're into more than just fucking i don't know princesses and princes and shit but it's like you want to do weird sci-fi vampires and werewolves and you want to do this and all these weird things okay sounds good whatever um do we know if it's the same directors and actors and all that shit i don't know definitely not the same actors not actors at all yeah they um those are those are dope movies director different director Definitely not the same actors. Not actors. At all. Yeah, they...

Those are dope movies. Different director. Different director. Hmm. Liam Hemsworth is in it. Yeah, that's right. He's the... He's one of the guys in it.

Yeah, Ins... How about that's the one? Insurgent and Divergent and Allegiant. Are they the same? They're the same series, at least? I would imagine so. Okay, yeah. Those are all one movie to me in my mind.

So, anyway, where were we? Jackie, you're getting jerked off, yeah. Those are all one movie to me in my mind. So anyway, where were we, Jackie? You're getting jerked off too. Oh, I had something. I had something and it's gone. I can't remember now. Do you have some voicemails? Yeah. Rent app is teaming up with Barstool New York headquarters to help you pay your rent.

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And every time you pay on time, they will tell the three major credit bureaus, credit card bureaus, that you're paying your rent on time. They're not going to snitch if you're late, but if you pay it on time, they will let them know. So you're building your credit, you're getting rid of the hassle and you're paying your rent on time every single month so they help you uh with the ease of it they're actually going to literally help a barstool producer here that they're going to team up with one of the shows whoever uh we deem to be the most worthy kelly keegs president of barstool new york right now reigning president is going to sit down and and decide which franchise which show which podcast which video series which producers deserve a full month of rent paid through rent app so i say it should be our girl jackie and pavs uh they work hard they go to to any end for us i think

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You get your first month, $50 off your rent. Hey, KFC fights, Wrestling gang. I got a question for you. So when you find a new podcast, would you start from the newest episode and work your way back or go to the very first episode and work your way

up? So when I found KFC Radio years ago, I found that when I was listening to new episodes, you guys were referring to old episodes and I had no clue what the fuck was going on. So I went all the way back to the start and listened from the very first episode all the way up.

I just wondered what you guys would do. Thanks for your advice. Well, this is actually good, because as I struggled to remember what we... This is all started talking about Spotify Wrapped. Yes. And we never really mentioned the whole point of how there are people every year who post that they put how much KFC Radio is their number one show, how many episodes are in their top five, and more importantly, how many minutes they listen to KFC Radio. And one of our big super fans, Corey, watched or listened to 78,000 minutes of KFC radio.

It translates to 1,300 hours. That's 54 days, 24 hours a day. So if you're thinking about like a work day, that's more like 150 work days. Yeah, like three. Yeah, eight hours. Yeah, three. Three.

Divide that multiple by three. That's some like put a shotgun junior say-out shit. Like, it's where you look at your brain. You want to study your brain. Yeah. Like, I wish we studied it before and studied it after. Because, like, there's a difference. You are a different human.

Yeah. Like, you probably started listening, you know, probably since day one, like, 12 years ago. And you were, like, regular boy, probably. He's probably young years ago, and you were like a regular boy probably. He's probably young enough that he's like a regular boy, and now you're a deranged man. And it's like at least 75% our fault. He told me, he DMed me and said that's not one of those things where I turned it on and just listened overnight.

I went back and listened to every episode the way this guy is talking about. I imagine that's very interesting because like to go back we're just it's it's almost like when you watch a tv show i'm surprised i'm genuinely surprised you like it all because it's like when you're watching a tv show and like the character changes a lot changes a lot we're like oh i like the other character. I mean like it's been ten years. We've both changed a lot. I think even the – I would imagine.

Maybe we haven't changed at all. I don't know. But like I would think – I think we are very, very good at changing is not the right word. Some people buzzword kind of use evolving. But like I hate when people say reinvent. Yeah. Like they said a lot with music.

Like you've got to reinvent yourself. And it's like fuck that. That to me implies like I am an entirely different person. And I intentionally flipped a switch. Yeah, because I made too many albums that sound like this. So now I'm going to like become this. Or I did too many movies like this. So i'm gonna intentionally go that way i don't think we've reinvented i think we've stayed the same people i think we have changed like you know we

kind of have these little blips up and down certain things but like we're going in the same direction always i guess i occasionally reinvent intentionally but it's not for like the audience because i'm just sick of who i am as a person give me an example i don't really know to be honest because i don't think you i've never been like oh that's when that's when john used to do xyz and now he does like no it's just like things like like i'm gonna start exercising like that i don't do that for the show yeah well i'm just saying that's what i do right now that's like this This would be more like If you all of a sudden changed your whole style

Yeah yeah yeah Didn't watch sports anymore Became into art or some shit Right right right What? That's not who you are dude It's more just like Sometimes you're like I think regular people do the same thing

Totally I'm in a bit of a rut I feel like I should switch it up a bit Sometimes you're like – I think regular people do the same thing. Totally, totally, totally. You're like, I don't know. I'm a little – I'm in a bit of a rut. I feel like I should switch it up a bit. But that's not – I don't think of that as reinventing or even changing. I think of that as like your versatility. You do different things.

You like different things. You change. But I think in a world where it's so obvious that some people deliberately change and reinvent and – I just – So you – sometimes – I don't like that. That gets praised and I'm like – that to me is so try hard and it's like I'm just – if you were to tune in and listen and I was like in the beginning And now I'm like an entirely different person Like a Howard Stern kind of People are like what the fuck is this

It's like There's aging and maturing for sure And maybe you give me another 20-30 years Because Howard's pretty old now Maybe I will be that way But like My sense of humor and a couple things have changed But I think I'm the same guy.

You wouldn't be like, oh, that was KFC when he was in his whatever phase. Yeah. I think the – Like when you – MGK. MGK was like, I'm fucking just changing my whole – Yeah, right. And I actually liked that music, and so in that sense I enjoyed that. But it was like a definitive like either this isn't working or I don't like it so I'm going to go with this entirely different thing.

There's going to be a lot of people who are like, wait, what? That other thing I liked for like 10 years is just gone. The – fuck was I going to say? Excuse me, Machine Kelly. Sorry. The – I forgot what I was going to say. I think from an outsider's perspective, all the core values are still there. If somebody were to press a button, let me watch KS Radio 10 years from now, I'd be like, oh, that pretty much checks out.

I would think so. The way you guys would talk. Yeah. Maybe we were laughing at some different shit. Some of the jokes changed. But the jokes, that's what I was going to say actually the jokes I feel like when you reference

Howard Stern, I feel like he has become and I didn't listen to him before, I don't listen to him now I just know the fans so all I'm doing is speaking by what other people say but from what I gather is that he'll be like that's

not funny you can't joke about that kind of stuff that's bullshit things i think are funny have changed but like i you get joking whatever the fuck you want yeah and i'm not gonna be like you can't say that and i don't think i ever will who knows but the like yeah you can make a joke about it i don't know it's not great i actually watched Josh Wolfe had a clip the other day of him talking about the Matt Rife stuff. And we've touched on this kind of thing before where – and I was actually texting with Josh Wolfe. I texted him. I was like, that was a really good – what you very succinctly put. Where we used to get the – for some reason, I used to notice it.

I guess I used to make a lot more cancer jokes than i thought i don't know i don't i don't i don't think i ever had a phase in my life where i had a cancer repertoire but i did remember people getting mad being like dude my grandma died of cancer and i would be like everyone's fucking grandma died of cancer and you're laughing at you you would have no problem laughing at something that killed someone else's grandmother and uh but josh was just like either everything's funny or nothing's funny and like the way i forget the way he said it where i was just like yeah yeah that's right and like i've still somewhere like that where we didn't get to the howard being like that isn't something that's worth joking about yeah i i don't think i have again who knows i don't know i definitely

don't think we're there i don't think i think um. Who knows? I don't know. I definitely don't think we're there. I don't think. I think like a good example of like there's like maybe fatigue from certain things. Like I even said the other day on Twitter, I was like, I think I have to officially retire spelling torture. T-O-R-C-H-E-R. Because there's so many new fans. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's a joke.

And my replies just get filled with like, look at this this fucking moron who doesn't know how to spell torture and the same thing happens with into bolivian and the same thing happens with mind bottling and uh you know all these little like little uh semantical things that like barstool and my generation joked about that we're too old yeah and it's like yeah it would be like my parents referencing a joke from the 70s and 80s, and it's like, I don't know what the fuck that means. So I'll change that because I'm like, I can't just keep making the same jokes to an audience that doesn't know it.

And the audience that does know it is dwindling. They don't listen as much. They don't have as much time. So that's got to change. But I'll still, I'll just joke in a different way about new shit or whatever. I was planning on having a funeral for certain terms that have to just be retired. Like what?

A2D is another one when I do the Home Alone listing. People don't get that. Torture. What was torture from? I think that's why he talks Dave or maybe Dave Portnoy. One of them spelled torture that way and it was just like, you're insanely stupid. So, but, you know, I still find them to be very funny, but nobody knows anymore. It's like, I got to stop doing that, I think.

Rather than be the guy who's like, oh, I'm going to keep making the jokes from when I was a kid. Okay, you're going to fucking die. But, you know. You know what I did think, too? I changed from, like, we talk about the, everyone has the moment when you argue about, do you stand up or sit down to wipe? Do you put the toilet paper up or down? Do you like the flats or the legs for buffalo wings?

All these things, right? I even joked about it with Nate the other day because we put out a clip that was Titus and Brandon. And the headline was, like, hot take from Brandon Walker about Thanksgiving. And the caption was like, what time do you eat dinner? And I was like, we all are just doing the same shit. And that's where I can understand where an artist is like, I'm going to reinvent myself. I just don't think you need to reinvent. You can just be like, I'm going to be me but just do new shit.

Because I was like, I can't argue about stuffing again. I have no problem answering your question. I'm just not going to start it myself. I just – I don't have the passion because I've just done it 10,000 times. 10,000 times. What are you? You're nuts. And Brandon had it perfectly too because I saw people arguing with – Mincy showed up late and people were like, it's crazy.

And Brandon was like, eat whatever time you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just whatever time we eat. Right, right, right. But I feel like maybe this is just me being old and out of touch. I guess it's more influencers now and like TikTokers and shit. But I almost feel like we didn't pass the torch to another set of bloggers to have those conversations. Like when I was like 25, 24, we were arguing about shitting and wiping and all that stuff.

It arguably was like kind of the first time it was happening on blogs. So like you would maybe have those conversations with your friends. But that might have been like the first time in history that was happening on a mass scale. And then I feel like as we get older and there's new generation coming up that needs to have that discussion, we need to have the bloggers, the young bloggers, they're doing it for the first time. And I don't think we have that. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe like there is TikTokers joking about that and stuff. But it feels sometimes like there's nobody to –

somebody should be making those jokes and having those arguments. You pronounce it this way. I pronounce it that way. That's crazy. But they also – they probably just did it when they were 10. I get what – yeah, when we were – Yeah, they were there. So they're sticking with it too maybe.

I almost think that was one of the older things we've had where it's like, don't want to have the conversations we had. They don't really care. Right, right. What are these fucking kids talking about? I don't know. All right, next. Solo Stove is back as a sponsor of KFC Radio.

Finally, Solo Stove has come back to KFC Radio after, I think, like maybe a five or six year drought. They popped up when their company first came out. They advertised with us. And they sent us a solo stove. And at the time, I was living in an apartment. And I was like, I can do the ad read, but I can't use the product. I don't have a balcony.

I don't have a backyard. I don't have a rooftop. But this thing is awesome. I love it. And one day I will use it. And I brought that solo stove with me to, I think at least two and maybe three different apartments, knowing that one day I will have a backyard to use it in. And I'm the type of guy when I'm packing and moving, I throw out perfectly good stuff, clothes, appliances, stuff that is like, you're going

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season. That's solostove.com to get that solo stove at home today. Car gang, car gang. Hey, guys. So I had a random thought the other day that I don't think has ever been asked, but I might have missed it. But basically, I have a 9-to-5 job, but I'm trying to buy a house and plan a wedding in the New Jersey area at the same time. So if you're from this area, you know that's kind of like impossible to do unless you're loaded. So I have

been literally delivering for Amazon in my spare time outside of work. So that typically means I'm doing this from like four to 8am. And it's really dark out right now at that time. And when you sign up for these routes, like you have no idea where you're gonna get sent you could be sent to a really shitty neighborhood or like even when you're sent to like the rich neighborhoods like a lot of the times houses are really spread out or they're like in woods and like secure like i don't know it's just sketchy right and like i often think about like there's no one else out here in case something goes wrong i could be like attacked there's weird people out there right like just the world's fucking crazy these days

but even considering that i do the entire route listening to your podcasts on my noise canceling out pods i either listen to kfc radio barstool radio or the out and about and like i just don't prioritize my safety over catching up on the podcast and i don't know i don't think i'll ever change that um so it just got me thinking like what do you think is the craziest thing that has happened to someone while listening to kfc radio wow like do you think someone's like been attacked and murdered while listening to KFC radio? Wow. Or, like, if you know something crazy that's happened, like, what is it? That is awesome.

I don't know. That thought popped into my head when I was doing a shift in the morning and I wanted to ask. Does this girl know that she can get $50 a minute to get her doctor? I know a guy who can pay you extra money on the side. Remember in Sunny when Frank is, like, doorto-door and selling knives isn't working? He goes, it's when it's gone from full-blown recession to full-on depression. When pretty girls are delivering for Amazon, we've gone from recession to full-on depression. Bottom, bro.

I was going to say, that girl could make $100,000 a month on OnlyFans. That is nuts what she's talking about. Late night, I'll go to a random neighborhood, don't know what it's like, don't know where I am, and I will get out of the car and be holding valuables on top of all of it. I'm going to kidnap that girl and get a fucking TV or whatever she's fucking delivering. I'm a porch pirate too. Excuse me. God.

Just the other day I was walking through this hallway back here and someone steps off the freight elevator and just starts

making a beeline at me this guy Amazon vest on it's just two of us in the hallway and he's just like he's staring

me in the eyes and I'm are you like like kinda cause he's got he's got a box he's got a box he's just walking at me staring me in the eye and I'm like looking around the hallway like what the fuck because he's got a box. He's got a box. He's just walking to that.

And I'm like looking around the hall like, what the fuck? And he just hands it to me. Doesn't say anything. Turns around and walks away. And I was like, that's crazy that like this guy is delivering me a package and like walked out. He knew who I was. No signature or anything?

No. And I was like – and he just happened – like I had to be walking by and he just knew who I was. And I looked down at the package. It just wasn't for me. It was for Tara. Yeah, he just just knew who I was. And I looked down at the package. It just wasn't for me. It was for Tara. Yeah, he just, like, hit it in the building, and I was fucking done with it. Did you see someone who just handed it to him?

Yeah. That's why I don't get any of my goddamn packages. But the question as a whole here. Love this question. Great question. Has anybody ever been murdered while listening to KFC Radio? God, I hope so. I don't think so.

I mean, I don't want someone to be murdered, but if they do get murdered, it would be pretty cool. I hope the killer kept listening and told his friends about it. I hope the killer rated... Imagine that. What's the evidence, Johnson?

It's like, okay, we've got a handprint. We've got this pool of blood over here. It looks like they used a knife. And they rated KFC Radio five stars and left a review on his cell phone. We've got this podcast still playing in the background talking about jerking off. Someone's definitely been fucked in the ass. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think sodomized is probably... Women and men? You're going to hell still. You think girls have been fucked in the ass to KFC Radio? Yeah. Definitely guys, too guys too though I think

Yes My thought is more gay guys have sex to KFC Radio Than girls getting fucked in the ass to KFC Radio I don't think so I think it's more straight female anal I guess just because of the numbers of gays and straights Yeah You got 90% versus 10%

I want you to pause right now And have anal sex Girls get ready Guys Ask her I want you to pause right now and have anal sex. Girls, get ready. Guys, ask her. Have some anal sex right now. Pause and come back. How is that anal sex, guys?

How is that anal sex, folks? When it's good, it's great. When it's bad, it's a disaster. You very rarely get like, meh, anal sex. It's either like, holy shit, it was just like the movies. Or you're like, oh my god, this is why it's only in the movies. It's a crime scene of another color, literally. I have enough people stop me in the street and be like, dude, I'm listening to you right now.

Yeah, yeah. To be like, someone's probably been assaulted. Someone's definitely been hit by a car. Definitely hit by a car. Walking with the headphones in, like you said, noise counseling. Hit by a car, car accident. Somebody's definitely been meet Joe Black. Fucking dead and flattened. I would love to think that KFC Radio saved somebody somehow.

Like, I don't know, someone was kidnapped and they were listening to the podcast and got a message out somehow using our show. I don't know, something like that. I'd love to hear a story where it's like, how did you survive? It's like KFC Radio. I was trapped in the cave and all I had was downloaded episodes of KFC Radio and John and Kevin kept me going, kept me alive for 10 days. The homeland, the King James Bible wasn't available. But, I mean,

this girl, she should not be delivering for Amazon. Yeah. It is flat out, everything she described is so true, it is very dangerous for you to be delivering for Amazon. It's one of my favorite jokes I've ever seen where it's all like it's like guys if they could switch to a woman's body for a day it's like i would just stick so much stuff in myself girls if they could switch to a man's body for a day i'd run at night

with headphones on like so good so true so true how much did she say like it's just a side gig right it's like can't you go bartend or something like that get tips i i know this is this is not this job but delivery was a job my mother wouldn't let me do oh speaking of i meant to say this earlier um so i was talking to my mom my mom saw a lot of the clips of me talking about her saying don't get roofied at your reunion. I don't know how my mom, maybe my sister sent it to her. She doesn't have Instagram,

but one time she called me up and said, oh, I heard you were making fun of me. And then I called her again a couple days later and she's like, ah, you're making fun of me again on my computer. I see it. I don't know how this happened. But so we're talking about that and moms and stuff. And I bring up – I was like, oh, actually, funny story with John's mom the other day.

He told on the podcast that she like accidentally or sort of just like casually mentioned and confessed that she did cocaine. And I started to like explain how she kind of slipped up and said heroin and then was like, oh, my God. And the whole time my mom was like kind of half listening. She was like, yeah. So what's the point? I was kind of like, yeah, no, it was just crazy. Like we can't even like picture, you know, you guys doing that. And she goes, we were young adults in the 80s.

Like let's not be idiots here. I was like, oh, so you did a hefty amount of cocaine. Again, same thing as you. I know my dad probably was – my dad was probably like in Columbia for a while. But like I didn't know you were. She was like, yeah, we were – Why do you think I was a fan of the 86 Mets? Yeah, I didn't know you were. She was like, yeah, we were. Why do you think I was a fan of the 86 Mets? Yeah, I'm sure.

Like, think about it now. Like, if a team was known to party like that, there would be so many Mets fans. Like, let's be like them. Yeah. Show us what was fucking going on. So my mom was like, yeah. And it did change for me. I was like, wow.

I never thought of that. And I definitely didn't think she was going to be like yeah very often so I was like holy shit my mom's a co-cat alright let's get into our interview Mark Norman is back he has his special on Netflix

he's back on the road one of the most successful comics now in my mind one of the guys who really blazed that trail of the youtube comedy world to flip it to this to the uh mainstreaming services so let's talk to our boy mark we were next door and we uh we used to have like desks and high chairs i remember yeah and then i think we wanted a little more like a laid-back feel and uh one of our guys just kind of drew up this 70s you know sort of aesthetic

killer but it was you know it's a little arty garbage and uh you being eaten with jordan vibe as well so it's a little bit of overlap there but you get the comments what are you stealing their second book of course of course well it was it was very it took us you know when you're part of a big thing like this we asked for a studio to be done and it took about nine months. And I think those guys were like, let's do this this weekend. Yeah, right. Exactly. I mean you – I'm always so interested in the independent version of what we do.

I mean obviously we do different things but like – Wait, are we on? Yeah. Oh, jeez. We're just gonna go. Does that work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to know so I don't say, you know, I'm on us. I, you know, I'm at the point now, we're at the point where we've been doing this for 10, 12, 15 years.

So, like, all I've known is doing it as an employee of a company versus being out on your own. And I've always loved, steady paycheck of pretty good money, never really having to worry on that front. Don't be a comic then. Well, that's so, yeah. When I hear stories of how much you guys have to bomb,

how long you have to wait. First of all, how long you have to hone your craft. Secondly, even once you're good at it, you just got to wait and eat shit because of politics or just bad luck or whatever. Yep. The constant failure, the many, many years of living without money

and the travel and all that shit, I think you're all fucking psychotic. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, you must have to fucking love this shit. Gotta love it. To keep doing it. Also, most comics, there was no looking back. We had nothing good going on. So the cliff is behind you.

So you're like, fuck it, I might as well go this way. I worked as a janitor from Louisiana. You were a janitor? Oh, yeah. Where? At a high rise on 33rd and Midtown. No shit. On the east side.

Well, at least it's a little, you know, like a... I don't know if you probably... I guess I can kind of see it now that you say it. Well, at least it's a little, you know, like a... I don't know if you paid for it. I guess I can kind of see it now that you say it. Great gig. I mean, you mop, you clean the fridge. I was a porter where you had to install stuff. Like, they'd go, we need a new... You need to put this desk together, this shelf together.

And I'd go, okay. Oh, the fuse is blowing. I was Googling fuse box down there. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Dude, I kind of did the same job. It wasn't bad. My dad, like, of did the same job. It wasn't bad. My dad managed commercial properties.

He would hire the engine room guys, the engineers, and then the porters and the assistants and all that. Obviously, I didn't know any of the engineering shit, but I would just go in there as a helper, almost. I think that's what it was called. Engineer's Helper was the title. He would hook up. Me and my brother got the job, and one time he hooked up

my brother's friend, and he would hook up me my brother got the job and one time he hooked up my brother's friend and he was the uh he was the um elevator porter for a minute oh that's a good gig and well so that's what people say right and he he was on his feet the whole day and i guess a lot of these guys carry a marker to like what floor are you going to they push the buttons because if you just sit there and like push with your thumb all day it like starts to hurt oh and i think he ended up being real lazy and my dad had to fire him because it was like that's great like i got my job it is physically demanding and i need to use a marker instead of my thumb you know what i i think it sounds silly but i get but i'm sure it's one of those things like i push this button 600 times today exactly wear and tear but what's going on with the good cop, bad cop?

You're dressed like a 50s sitcom dad. This guy, a pipe and a newspaper and an N-word. You're dressed like his pothead son. This is John's aesthetic. Yeah, yeah. I'm in casual wear now. This is casual? Bro, I was. This is casual?

Yeah, this is casual. Can I show you something? You got loafers on. I want to. But this is so, like you're saying, like the sitcom dad. This is the most comfortable shirt. Neither of you are going to be able to feel it because you both have something on. Look at the inside. This hood is comfortable.

All right. Yeah. It's unbelievable. That does look nice. It's unbelievable. That does look nice. It's the most comfortable shirt I've ever owned. What do you call that? A shawl? What is that?

Is that a cardigan? It's got buttons, no? It's got a collar. It's got a collar. Oh, cardigans and collars? I think it's just like a jacket. Maybe a jacket. It's got pockets.

Oh. That is a shirt. I have a couple things not similar, but Yeah That is a shirt I have a couple things Not similar but I put on a shirt like that I automatically start Yeah Going for the pockets

It's not there It's like ah fuck Um You did something yesterday That I'm thrilled about Uh The Ugg slippers that you wore Yes

Whoa I can wear those in public now I've got like 30 pairs of those Those exact ones It's all changing I wear that shit at home Yeah And now I come to find out You know if he's, I'm like, oh, that's cool now?

That's fashionable? I'm like, bro, I'm about to blow you out of the fucking water. I got Uggs boots. I got Uggs slippers. I got Uggs clothes. I got Uggs everything. But you can't wear them with sweatpants. Right.

You got to wear them with corduroys. Oh, that's the booze. Yeah, because it's a little. No, I'll definitely be able to do that. Live in wear them with corduroys. Oh, that's the move. It's a little... I'll definitely be able to do that. Live in a little bit of both worlds. It's like a black guy in a MAGA hat. You gotta have a little of this and a little of that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Keep it on your toes. Don't put me in a box.

But it's so true because those cords, those browns are very baggy. Yeah, very baggy. And baggy's back. That's crazy too. You wore baggy pants three years ago. You'd be kicked out of society. I used to get fucking flamed for wearing two baggy pants. And now it yeah that's crazy you were baggy pants three years ago you'd be kicked out of society flamed for wearing two baggy pants and now it's like totally in style at all but this is this is that we had this fight on a different show the other day where like a buddy was like i didn't realize new balance were cool and he's like well when did you when when were they uncool and

he's like when i was in elementary school i was like well fucking yeah dude the world changes and you yeah but it's the it's the cycling of like, if it just kept moving in one direction, it's more like when you make fun of someone, you should be like, that's not currently in style. Not like you look ridiculous. You're correct about that. But they'll shame you to death. When I was a kid, if you wore the wrong thing, I went to a public school, a lot of Afro-Americanes, and you got creamed. Oh, crushed. Crushed. yeah i tell is it pabs or jackie right there now when uh our other other producer uh

dresses similar to john and he had on like corduroys that like when he sat down like came up to like oh yeah and then he had white tube socks like pulled up and loafers and i was like i can't even fathom like i would have been physically assaulted but that doesn't make any sense because he like he didn't dress like that as a child it's just like as fashion as style changes you keep up with the style i'm just saying yeah when i was his age the style was if you did that you would get your fucking you would get clown yes they're the high what do you you call flood pants yeah high water pants and and all that blood so my point being once you've lived through like a cycle or two you should never really make fun of anybody's outfit ever again

yeah yeah it's like i thought that was cool a minute ago and now i don't think it's cool because of i i think everything i think everything can be cool i like agree skinny pants are not although we're actually we're so baggy pants, we're getting back skinny again. Already swinging back. But I think I still have skinny pants I wear sometimes. It's just like I think you should wear everything. I also think it's weird. If he wears baggy pants, I don't know,

he'd look stylish. I wear baggy pants, I think I'd look like a slob. You gotta dress for you. But I do think there's a bigger factor at play here. This is kind of cultural. This is kind of cultural. This is what happens with the movements. The, hey, we got to do this. You can't say that word.

Hey, this is not cool. And then that all shifts. Yeah. So that's why you shouldn't shame anybody or try to ruin anybody for what's happening now. Because in two years, it could flip. Right. So you never know. Right. Let alone 10 years, 15 years.

Oh, my God. Then it's like, forget about it. Dude, did you see the article the other day? I saw this picture going around. The Chiefs kid? Yes. I love that kid. Pull him up.

Chiefs game, it was – I don't even remember who the Chiefs played this week. Chiefs game, and I saw the picture going around Twitter. It's a child in a headdress, and it's his profile of his face, and his face is black face painted. And I saw that going on Twitter. Half. Half black, half red. But in the picture you can see it, look, you can only see half his face so it looks like that. But they did it on purpose.

Yeah, but it was a different picture, a different angle. And it was going all over Twitter and I was just like I mean, there's no way that people were killing him and stuff like that. And I was like this kid's going to be ruined. He's like eight. And they were like I was like, there's just no way this kid's in straight be ruined. He's like, yeah, yeah. And they were like,

I was like, there's just no way this kid's in straight up blackface right now. Yeah. And it turns out he wasn't. And people were like going, I will say that it is a dangerous game to play at all. It is. The moment that you start smearing black on your face, anything other than under your eye for a baseball game,

you should go, wait a minute. Well, it is the, it's, it's funny. Cause the, that looks very well done,

which makes me think that the child didn't do it. So I can just picture his dad putting on being like, there. I can't wear it, but he'll be all right.

You'll never shame a nine-year-old. Well, what's also interesting is we're all worried about the black face. What about the Native Americans? Yes, the red part. See?

You didn't even think of that. And there's less of them than black people. They're more of a minority. This is so annoying, though. This is, of course, fucking Deadspin. I don't even think of that. And there's less of them than black people. They're more of a minority. This is so annoying, though. This is, of course, fucking Deadspin. I don't even know if you know or care about Deadspin, but they were our one-time competitor. There was a time when they had funny people.

Really? And it was good editors and names that we would know. You know the names of people at Barstool. Yeah. But these other websites, you don't know anybody's name because they're all just nameless, faceless. Deadspin once had like named people who were funny and they did more

like investigative shit. They would find out the fucking Brett Favre dick pics and those sort of things. Oh, okay. They were a little more journalist but they were funny and they were good writers.

Now, I say now, probably the last 10, 12 years they've just been fucking losers on like a crusade. It's a cancel factory. So Deadspin wrote an article saying by Caron Phillips that NFL needs to speak out against the Kansas City Chiefs fan

in blackface, native headdress. And he put that up, and he's, for the idiots of my mentions who are treating this as some harmless act because the other side of his face was painted red, I can make the argument that that makes it even worse. But it's like that. What argument? What is this?

It's like a courtroom scene. For him to, it's just i i guess i've been around long enough and i've had enough controversies where most of them are very harmless a couple of them were like fucked up things and when i thought it was fucked up i just said like yeah like or more the other way around when i was like throwing stones at someone yeah Yeah. And in the beginning, early on, I would find out a piece of evidence that's pretty damning for my side. Yeah. And I would just dig my heels in and be like, but no, but no, he did it prior to that, whatever. And now it's like if I wrote something and I was like, that kid did blackface, and then there was new evidence, I would be like, fuck. Yeah.

I fucked up. Why can't you just, like, these people dig their heels in when it's like you have been categorically proven wrong. They can't do it. They cannot do it. They cannot. It's impossible in this day and age. No one ever goes, I never thought of it that way. Yes.

You don't hear that anymore. You never, you never, you'll never, there will never be another debate where someone goes like, oh, I see what you're saying now. Discussion is important. So it's like, why even bother? Also, we wonder why the country's in the state it's in we can't discuss we can't have a debate we can't go back and forth and we need a guy proven right or wrong or a lady you know somebody needs to go no no you're wrong here and they have to go all right but they never will so we'll never get anywhere meanwhile like every discussion in history is somewhere in the middle you know probably yeah but here's Because most things are just emotional things.

So it's just like when you're having an emotional conversation, both people are, in a sense, 100% correct. It's just emotion. So you find a place to be in the middle and go, yeah, you're right. My truth shit gets real vague and gray-eried. Right. It's like, well, your truth happens to be a fucking very subjective feeling. Yeah, or even worse.

Right, right. My truth was that kid was 48. No, he was 4. feeling that you are yeah right right my truth was that kid was 48 but my point is this is bad news because this kid is gonna have to live with this forever he'll be the indian kid or whatever native american kid the chief kid but don't you think we kind of overstate that too like like like we're not gonna know don't you think in three weeks we won't even know this kid is but he'll know and his family will know i don't know it's gonna won't even know who this kid is? But he'll know. And his family will know. I don't know. This will change this kid's life.

I bet you on a neighborhood level. Yeah. We would be like, oh, that was the kid. But I'm sure he's going to school the next day and people are like, what the fuck, dude? But all we talk about is mental illness and we've got to be compassionate. What about compassion for this kid? Just because he made a mistake, he's clueless. This kid doesn't know about history and blackface and Al Jolson. You know?

So let's talk to the kid. Let's go, hey, hey, this is wrong. Let's not just ruin him. Yeah. Where's your compassion? He's a fucking eight-year-old. You know what? Let's let this kid sue and just get rid of him.

Or that. Yeah. Defamation money starts rolling in, and then he becomes a douchebag that we hate, and it's like, fuck you too. Yeah, yeah. Greer had one of the guys who works here had a funny tweet the other day. I don't know if you saw a very similar story. A kid in California maybe who had put on like eye black.

It's just eye black. Yeah, but it was like – But it's like the big – Oh, yeah. It's like a bat wing now. Yeah, yeah. So he had that on for going to go to a football game. And he got not kicked out of school but he's not allowed

to go to football games anymore what and this whole thing and greer just quote tweeted it like kind of as a joke with i mean obviously what greer was saying was 100 as a joke but like like this isn't even gonna happen we just quote to it went twitter do your thing and in parentheses ruin his life that's that's what twitter doing your thing is. And then that started to actually happen. He was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. They're not doing it, obviously, because of his tweet. But he was just like, I didn't actually think people were going to get mad at him. You're going to do it, yeah, because you can't give anybody the benefit of the doubt.

No, and I don't want people to be offended. If a black guy or a Native American guy is like, this is wrong. It hurt my feelings. Like, okay, let's talk about it let's discuss it but just to go scorched earth on this fucking nine-year-old feels very uh inhumane you know what was a turning point for me was the again actually native american related but the the kid who uh was at a maga rally with the native americans oh salmon and yeah and like he just kind of looked like a douchey lax bro yeah so we all was at a MAGA rally with the Native Americans. Oh, Sandman. Yeah. And he just kind of looked like a douchey lax bro. He did, yeah.

So we all said, like, fuck that guy. And then it turned out he was a perfectly good kid. And the Native Americans were fucking him. And they were the ones harassing him. Exactly. And that was a moment where I was like, oh, man. I think I sent some tweets. I probably was ready to fucking make a video, write a blog, make fun of him.

I think I even said something like, okay, fine, but chances are he's like a shitty lax douche and like fuck him anyway. And it was like – Did the same thing. No, he's just like a regular ass kid who has a dad haircut. And it's tough to be like a white guy who looks like that these days. And I remember thinking like that was a turning point for me where I was like, all right, I can't – you can't – Yeah, punchable face. Right, that's it.

Punchable face doesn't mean he's a fucking racist or whatever but to your point the news never went back and went we were wrong sorry about that that's what we got to start doing we got to take accountability do you think that there's like from an internet perspective i think there's been a bit of a reckoning with i feel like there were probably five plus years of a lot of cancel culture, cancel culture, cancel culture. Yeah. I think for starters, things like going back through old tweets, I never see that anymore. Yeah. I don't know. Interesting.

Right? When it last happened, it was Travis Kelsey and it was like funny things. Yeah. I'm sure that started because somebody was trying to be a motherfucker. Sure. Good point. Good point. I don't see the mainstream level of canceling, whatever you want to call it, happening anymore.

And I actually, I've seen... The only thing I might say to counter that is people have cleaned up their tweets. Yeah, it could be. Like maybe Travis Kelsey was all good. But I'm not even speaking strictly to... That was one example, but I was speaking like... But in general like the like crusades and the witch hunts and shit like that. Yeah. And it could be just my timeline. It could be things like that.

But I'm wondering is that something you see too. We're literally just talking about one. What's that? This kid with the Indian thing. Yeah. But I mean like with celebrities and things like that. Okay. Well, you had Lizzo not too long ago.

But even that, I wouldn't count that as like I guess like I don't know. I guess because I'm kind of removed a bit from like comments and things like that. Like Lizzo didn't get any trouble. Yeah, I think there's a difference between – Most of what I saw was people kind of laughing at it. I'm sure there were people in comments who were angry. But like that's been that way forever and it will be that way forever. That's true.

People will be angry, but like nothing happened. Largely what I saw was just people laughing about it and being like. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure she had to answer some questions, had a couple shitty articles. Yeah. But I think, I think there was, like, the cancel, cancel, you know, R. Kelly's the world. Well, he's a criminal. Right, right. That's what I mean.

Like, those, like, cancel, those guys got canceled because they were like we're removing them from society yes and then all of a sudden like cancel became like we just don't like you anymore right but there was a movement to like get sponsors to drop you and right on your whatever your platform is although actually lizzo i'm sorry to interrupt i i think i'm wrong i think lizzo did uh she lost a super bowl gig super bowl yeah i don't know if she officially had it, but she was out of the running. Yes. Yeah. I mean, that shit is like – my thing is you have to lose something to be canceled.

It's like if you have a couple shitty days online and maybe – okay, maybe you lost some fans. But you're going to lose some fans because they find out that you're a Mets fan and not a Yankees fan. That comes and goes. If you lose a sponsor, lose a gig, whatever, then, you know, there's always going to be like, I said something stupid and people are mad at me today. Yeah, like Matt Rife.

Matt Rife just got blown up. I think that almost... He's still going to be selling out on reunions and shit. It doesn't fucking matter. I think it actually kind of became a weapon for the celebrity. To use it. We start being like, they the celebrity to use it. We would start being like, they're trying to cancel me.

And I know we did it here. I know Dave did it. Oh, really? I know. It wasn't like they were team meetings and being like, let's use it. I know Dave put like, can't cancel, whatever, cancel, cancel culture and stuff like that. That was a financial decision. I'm sure Dave believes it.

Yeah, it was genuine genuine but it's also like hey the benefit of it it behooves a celebrity to have a reason to get his fans to rally around him the best thing that can happen is a salacious and very polarizing and intriguing scandal that is not that bad yeah what's her face to giving a hand job in the theater perfect perfect it was like that's kind of gross but you're hot and now we're talking about you and although i just said what's her face so i don't remember her name lauren bober but yeah so like people we looked into each other's eyes and said bobert as we did um yeah i mean it is weird though how like i'm saying all this and i'm like it like how the internet is such a unique experience to everyone because like i it's i can be here's what I see, and this is the world I think exists.

Exactly. And you're like, no, it's completely different in my world. People do not stop to think that. No. Even on little things. There'll be a time I'm arguing a sports thing, and they're like, what are you even talking about? Nobody said that.

And it's like, bro, if you saw my mentions on Sunday, like 1,000 people told me that Zach Wilson was a good quarterback. And that's harmless. But it's like if you saw my mentions on sunday like a thousand people told me that zach wilson was a good quarterback you know and that's harmless but it's like nobody's saying that you're just making this up it's like i'm telling you man but also then i go back and it's like i say a thousand it was probably like 25 tweets and when you're scrolling that's a good point and you see 25 in a row you feel like what the fuck the world that is literally 25 people yeah i know so i go back and forth on all of it. But do you feel like – I mean you never really curtailed much.

I feel like you were always letting it rip. Yeah, yeah. But have you changed one way or the other back and forth? Sometimes I'll be writing a joke and I'm like, I'll change this from a black guy to a white guy just to get less ears perked up. So there's stuff like that. But I feel like just keep going and if you just keep saying horrible things, they go ah he's what he does he's not gonna stop it's so true man i always thought that about sports with uh like a rod was fucking crucified really for steroids when he really i mean they at least in the new york media it was like they just acted like he killed somebody. Wow.

And a guy like Dennis Rodman or Charles Barkley or some of these guys who are constantly in the headlines, it becomes white noise. Yes, yes. But when the squeaky clean guy does one thing wrong, they go in on it. Yeah. And it's like, all right, yeah, I cheated.

Dennis Rodman just said that he fucked a horse before or whatever. Yeah, wedding dress. Nobody cares. He's with Kim Jong-il or whatever. It's just, oh, I cheated. Like, Dennis Rodman just said that he fucked a horse before or whatever. Yeah, wedding dress. Nobody cares. He's with Kim Jong-il or whatever. It's just, oh, that's just Rodman, you know? Yeah. So it's almost better if you're going to do a couple fucked up things,

might as well do all of them. Because what the media loves is the squeaky guy who fucked up. Yes. Not the bad boy who just always fucks around. It's like hip-hop. Hip-hop says crazy shit. Matt Rife says one offensive joke you're like can you believe this guy i'm like go listen to any rapper from the 90s and then yell

at them i i've always said there's a lot of parallels between rap and comedy punch lines and what they're saying and totally you know crafting some stories exaggerating whatever persona so yeah one one thing is you know kind of glorified or whatever the other is completely yeah my thing is when they just want to take, they're like, because it tends to not be about justice at the end of the day. It's about like, we got this motherfucker. We ruined this guy. Let's take money away.

Let's take business away or whatever. And that's what hurts me. Like, if you go, Matt Rife's a piece of shit. I hate his comedy. He's mean to women. I'm out. Like, great. That's all good.

That's your prerogative. Do what you got to do. But the, hey, Netflix, you should take this off. And you're like, let other people enjoy it. Like, great. That's all good. That's your prerogative. Do what you got to do. But the, hey, Netflix, you should take this off. And you're like, let other people enjoy it. You psycho narcissist. We got to have everything curated to exactly your emotions. That's insanity. That's insane.

That's deranged. Like, I had a joke on YouTube. And some guy wrote, hey, this is a Mulaney joke. You stole it. You're a joke thief. And I go, oh, shit. Oh, my god. So I looked at Mulaney's joke. And mine was from 2012, and his was from 2016.

So I wrote that back to the guy. And I go, hey, man, look at the dates. And he wrote, whatever. And you're like, no, no. That's the other thing. So why don't you go yell at Mulaney? I don't want to get Mulaney in trouble. He didn't steal the joke.

I'm not saying that. I deserve an apology? Yes. But he was like, I want the kill. I don't want justice. I just wanted to get you. That's a lot of what this is. That's something I learned from just my time in mentions and comments and things like that.

To me, it felt like I had to prove myself. I had to justify what I said, what I did. And to that person, it's nothing. It doesn't matter. I know. Or they're also not going to ever be like, oh, okay. Yeah. So like we talked about, they're never going to change their mind.

So it's truly. No, I'm right here, and I take my time, and they're like, whatever. I'm like, fucking son of a bitch. Or I'll get like, hey, man, I was just looking. I was just trolling. And it's like, well, then fuck you. Yeah, you ruined my day. Yeah.

But that's why we need this weird court that just goes, you're wrong, you're right, and just ends it. Oh, I would love internet court. Internet court. Let's start the show. We did a thing. It was more barstool controversy. You know, there's a barstool storyline. Was he in the wrong?

Was she in the right? And we would sit as like a... Literally, we had wigs on and everything. I think the one that we filmed was... We had an intern back in the day who stabbed an air conditioner with a pair of scissors and broke it. And just like flat out denied it.

Not denied it. He said he did it, but he's like, that's not what broke it. Oh, that's hilarious. And he was an intern and we like, you, but he's like, that's not what broke it. That's not what broke it. Oh, that's hilarious. And he was an intern. We were like, who broke the air conditioner? We had some fun with it. But I'd love a real internet court.

It's probably why cell phone cameras have changed. Because Kramer was the first guy to get filmed doing fucked up shit. And that changed everything. Because now we got Karens. Like, fuck you, Karen. And now you're filming her. And you're like, oh, we got her now. Because before it was just your word against theirs.

It's actually become so crazy now where people are so – they so truly believe that they're the ones on the right. That now it's just two people filming each other. Yes. Yes. We'll let the jury decide. We'll both post and we'll let the jury decide. That's hilarious. It's just two people with phones hanging out like I can't see either of your faces now even little things like you know when you're on the

subway and there's a guy just blaring a boombox and it's pissing everyone off but you're like if you go up to the guy and you go hey can you turn that down and he goes fuck you man it's a freak country get out of my face I can do what I want and you're like yeah but we all hate it and he's like I know but this is a public space and you're like yeah exactly it's a public space there's like I know but this is a public space and you're like yeah it's exactly

it's a public space there's other people here and he's like fuck you you piece of shit and you're like this guy is so clearly wrong but he thinks he's right I would love to just

have a bailiff and a podium come up with a guy with a robe and go here you're done you're fucked you're fucking wrong it would just be so satisfying

yeah no but that I feel like as you get older you just it's like you realize it's never gonna happen so i so i don't even but neither i would love the satisfaction and i still will get myself caught up in like a 50 tweet yeah here's why you're wrong but now as i get older i'm like it's they're not gonna change their mind i'm not gonna

get what i want. I guess so. I'm going to waste all my time. So fuck it. And this is kind of what marriage is. That's basically what marriage is. It's like, all right, fuck it. There's no point in arguing. I'm not going to win.

How's marriage going for you? Hey! It's going great. I give it a year. No, we're actually past a year. It's going good. We're moving to Brooklyn, getting a big old place with a backyard. Let's go.

Living the dream. What does she do, if you don't mind me asking? She is an influencer marketing. Okay. And don't ask me anything else. That's where I cut off. I always say that with, like, I don't have a wife, but with my friends, when people are like, what is this?

My parents, like, I'm home for Thanksgiving. They're like, so what's Pappin doing? I'm like, I don't have a clue. I think he does sales. That's hilarious. I think when you don't, you can't really describe someone's job who you spend a lot of time with. I think that's like the greatest testament to your friendship. Great point.

It doesn't come up. There are three, maybe four jobs. There's doctor, lawyer, dentist, sales. If you do those things, I can say what you do. Yes. Sales is even a cop out. My friend used to say, I know Halloween costume jobs. You know, nurse, fireman, cop.

There's the trades, but the jobs are – I've always found that accountant is the go-to for everybody when they're trying to describe the shitty job, the bad job, the lame job. It's always blah, blah, blah on accounting. I mean I did it, so I get it, but it's funny that that became the default. None of the other shitty jobs out there. Have you heard that old Brian Regan joke where he plays golf with his buddy all day and then he goes back home to his wife and she's like, where it was just like it's like ladies just so you know like men do have this ability and i don't know if women have it or not i guess they don't uh where it's like basically it's the thing where it's like when you ask what do you what do

you think about you're like nothing and like we can just shut off our brains and i was like i really am like most of my day nothing there's There's nothing. There's like winds. It's just inhale, exhale. It's blowing through. Inhale, exhale. It's a little bit like, oh, there's a cup right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a TV.

It's off. We played this game the other day. It's like an internet trend where two people say, you go one, two, three, and you say a word, any word. And then the next round you try to get to the point where they both say the same word ah so i would you know you would say television i would say table the next thing we hopefully both say couch or something like that yeah whatever and i just did it right here me and john played it and the only thing we could do is say words in the room like the game was just say words and i was like i don't know what to do

i don't know what to do television and he was, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Television. And he was like, I don't know what to do. Air conditioner. Yeah, yeah. It was like truly brain empty, nothing going on. And yet, not to toot men's horn, and women too, but men, like a lot of great books, a lot of great movie directing, a lot of great screenplays, a lot of great comedy albums, music, a lot written by men.

So we're thinking about something. We can do it. Yeah, we can just turn it off. Yeah, I guess so. It's actually like the episode of Parks and Rec when Rob Lowe's character takes Nick Offerman to he wants to see if he can see if he's

able to adapt. And he takes him to, Rob Lowe's a big yoga guy, so he takes him to a meditation studio. And he's like, so how was it? And he's like, it was fine. I didn't think about anything the whole time. And he's like, you did it. He's like, you did yoga.

He's like, you didn't think of anything? He's like, I didn't think of anything the entire time. And he's like, that's it. He's like, no, that's nothing. You didn't do anything. I've said, by meditation standards, most of my day i'm i i will say i i as i get older and i get more stressed and stuff the my ability to just chill and not think goes out the window i'm nowadays i'm like what about this what about that i should be doing i used to

be able to watch tv so my eyes bleed yeah stuff food in my mouth, go to sleep being like, that was a completely cool day. And now I'm like, I should have done this, I should have done that. Well, the question is, what's better? Is it better to think of things, to be creative, and go through your thoughts, or zone out? You've got to get the combo. This guy. Combo. And everything you say just sounds so much more profound with your leg and your sock and loafer sitting like that. No, but he's doing like

a sketch show he's funny on the podcast he comes up with marketing stuff and then can also be like nah that's the dream that's the key he's like a really smart able to communicate dog well girl gumpy's a dog your wife in bed or whatever, and she's like, what are you thinking about? And you're like, I don't know. I don't know. It's an abstract thing. It's like, I can't tell you nothing. Something was going through my brain, I think.

I don't know. Something. Childhood, whatever. Just fleeting moments. Yeah. Are you guys having kids? You got kids? I got kids.

No. You got kids? How old? I have two kids, eight and six. Oh, wow. So that's the fun, gooey fun part it is it is fun it's also the uh like just a thousand activities so far that when they when they when people make jokes like i'm an uber driver now it's fucking real man really constantly like back and forth

and where do you go i mean in the city i live in westchester oh Oh, that's perfect. So yeah, I get out of there. So I'm divorced, so I use the activities as an extra time to see my kids. Sure. So I'll stay at their practices. I'll go to all the games. I'll even stay at some of their practices and shit. But now I think my kid, specifically my son, can't really stay at the dance and gymnastics. They don't allow it. But you can hang out at the baseball game.

You can hang out at the basketball shit. And martial arts is the main one. I just sit in the crowd of martial arts and like i think he thinks it's totally like i'm gonna go to all of his practices yeah yeah i'm like brother you got about one more year i just sit there on my phone i'm like and he's like are you did you watch i'm like what did you kick the thing again yeah whatever man um but yeah that it's a fun age but it's there's there's shitty parts of every fucking age oh really it's like and certain things you get over the hump it's like okay yes getting out of diapers is great yeah but then you're on to another thing where it's like now you have to make sure they don't fall out the window every time because they're running around

and then it's like they're old enough that like you know uh get them kids being able to get in the car themselves and get in the shower themselves it's amazing so funny fucking life changer what's happiness in your life yes certain ages yeah you're like i'm getting blown i can't believe it i'm 19 i'm getting a blow job and now it's like this kid got in the car. One of the best jokes ever, if you're a parent. The Louie? It's so, so, so good and so real if you've lived it, because I've walked slower. You know, I've been like, I've got to read, like, one extra tweet.

Oh, this is terrifying. I'm trying to, I'm shooting loads in the lady like it's Columbine. Yeah, so I'm trying to get the old broad there knocked up eventually. But maybe I shoot blanks, unlike Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Is that a real thing? I've never tried to have a child. So the things in movies where, let's say, you and the lady just finish.

Does she actually lay there with her legs up and stuff like that? We're not there yet. I think when you start getting desperate that's like when it's not working but there is science too like they'll tell you like birthing oh yeah i mean it's all woo woo i think a lot of it is too nowadays you know they get the app and they will tell you when you're fucking that shit's real it's like this is when the eggs are ready i think the rest of some of that stuff is old wives' tale, but when you're struggling, you're like, I don't want to be the asshole who didn't try, so I'll eat that food, I'll sit with my legs up, I'll do it all because, hey, anything can help. And now Whitey, a lot of Whitey's doing that IVF.

A lot of Whitey. Very popular. I think Whitey waits until the last minute. We want to have our selfish life and live it up. And then we're like, oh, shit, we're late 30s. We want to have a rug rat, so you got to pay the piper. Was this your idea or was this your wife's? I've always thought about having kids.

Picture the Thanksgiving, the headlocks, throwing the ball around. I did that as a kid, like a kid into high school, I thought I would want kids. And as I've gotten older, I'm always like – Is that right? You'd be a great dad. It's gotten to the point too where I'm wondering, am I just too into my own bit or do I actually not want kids? I think it seems like I don't actually want kids.

You've got to tell your outfit. I would say this. Either you are not into it and you've made your decision or i would say if you're even like having that level of doubt it's probably pretty good to not yeah well i'm thinking i'm talking like i'm talking vasectomy whoa well the birth rate is lower than it's ever been yeah fun to keep our cell phones in our dicks yeah yeah and there's people boiling our comments well we live in a weird time where everybody's like That's going to keep our cell phones in our dicks. Yeah. Boiling our cum. Well, we live in a weird time where everybody's like, I'm depressed.

I have anxiety. I'm on eight medications, blah, blah, blah. But then you're like, you want kids? I don't want to ruin my life. I thought you were depressed. Like, which one is it? I don't know, bro. I'll tell you this much. It ruins your fucking life.

Oh! I'm sure the other stuff does, too. But I had a guy come up to me at the meet and greet the other day in, I want to say Minneapolis, like maybe Buffalo. I don't know. And he was like, thank you, bro. Like, thank you for telling it like it is. Mark is fucking done over here. If you're listening on the podcast, he is frozen.

He is a statue. I mean, it. Really? Yeah, bro. Yes. Think about all the stuff you like to do. Yeah. Is any of it child-friendly?

Strip club? No. Yeah, I guess you're right. And, like, when I... And then on the other side of things, like, I can now have a catch with my son. Okay. Baseball glove. That's something.

Fucking awesome. All right. Okay. That's one for the's something. Fucking awesome. Alright, okay. That's one for the good chart. Absolutely. And there's a bunch for the good stuff. But it is weirdly fulfilling things and loving things as far as like the life that you know and love. I sleep when I want.

I go where I want. I do what I want. I don't do what I don't want to do. All of it is gone. And you're only seeing a kid have. And I was going to say, and I have it easy. I actually think the way that we do it is, well, we'll see. Ideal? If my kids get fucked up, then I'm wrong.

But my kids are very good. They are doing very well. They're very talented. Maybe I just got lucky in that regard. But the fact that I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I will parent my dick off for that weekend that night that morning like whatever where i'm popping in and out and then i can get a reprieve yeah when you some of the guys here who are like 24 7 dads like it is a fucking grind wow and i just don't think people say it enough even

that yeah the books that are like this is like written by dads for dads are still very like exactly yeah it's like yo i personally think without knowing anything about it i think there are like hormones and a physical change that will happen to a woman where it's like they carry this baby and go into mom mode. And I can understand they change from like that party girl, that wild girl, that free spirit girl is now like, what's the calendar say? What's this? Like freaking out, you know? As a guy, you don't do it. You're just like, I just shot you up like Columbine.

That was my job. I didn't do – nothing like happened other than me being like, whoa, that's mine. I didn't have some physical and emotional mental transformation. It was just like now everything I do is out the window. I want to watch a baseball game every single night. You're not doing that anymore. You want to go out? You're not doing that anymore.

You want to sleep? You're not doing that anymore. And, you know, the moments where you're snuggling with them and they laugh at you and they smile at you. But in the beginning when there's not much reciprocation, it's like this is going to suck. Can I say when you're 65 and your kid's 20-whatever and you're at Thanksgiving, that might be nice.

You're probably going to be glad you did it. I think right now it's tough. Right. But it will pay off. I'm not into investments. I spend my money now. There you go. All right.

I do think, and I know it's because of the biological clock. But the fact that we give up almost, you know, regularly speaking, late 20s, definitely like your entire 30s, pretty much your 40s. And the way the world is going now, people stay at home. You financially support them until you're dead. But it's like, okay, when I'm 65, things get fun again. I'm 65. My dick doesn't work. My legs don't work. My back hurts. Who fucking cares

that 65 is fun? I gave up 30 to 45. Yeah, you got a point. I can't wait till your kids hear this. They're going to love this. The two people in my life who I'm closest with who have children are Kevin and my sister. And I do have to mention my sister. Now, to be fair, she's always been very maternal her whole life.

She's like – She loves it. She's like – not even loves it. She's like, I don't even get the difference. That's crazy. She had a baby. She's like, I don't know what the fuss is about childbirth. That was easy.

What? And now she's like, yeah, I don't know. It's just a kid around wow she again she's always been very maternal she's right way back i think a lot of uh a lot of it too is like i think the marriage and the relationship or whether it's whether you're married or just having a kid with somebody i think that also plays like sometimes it's not the kid it's the fact that like like i don't know when it's my kids like i don't know i'll let them crawl on the floor i'll let them do this i don't really

fucking care yeah when you have another partner is like no we have to do it this way you guys are fighting that sort of shit can become a problem you got to be in sync if you are in sync and you're all on the same page and it's like yeah i don't know but i don't know i mean that also sounds like when you're not getting sleep it's just its your life. If your baby sleeps, you're fine. If you're not, you're fucked. Yeah, she also has a good kid. He sleeps the whole time and shit like that. Wow.

I do have another friend who I'm close with who has two kids, and he's like Kevin. And I'm not. Maybe it's a guy. I always paint. He's like Kevin, too. I'm not going to come on the show and wax poetic about all the fucking good times because it's like shot the fuck up. Yeah, yeah.

No, I don't respect that. But I do think that the people speaking honestly, nobody, I'm going to get ripped again every time I do this. You're a bad father, like you said, your kids are going to see this.

You can still be a great father and be annoyed. Right, right. Someone's got to tell the fucking truth and the truth is it's going to radically

change your life. One I never thought of until I went to go visit my other friend who has two kids. And this was probably a year and a half ago, maybe something like that. It was like COVID might have been on an uptick. He lives in D.C. and I was on a train down there and I started getting sweats. And I hadn't been feeling well, but I was like, I think I have COVID.

And so the train, we were probably coming up on the Newark stop. And I called him and I was like, A, I just want you to know like i really i'm sick i think i might have covid like it's it's i i'm still willing to come i'm not bailing but like if you want me to turn around yeah i'm completely fine doing that too and it was actually his wife i was talking to and she's like john we have two kids in daycare if you didn't show up with covid you were leaving with it it. I was like, oh, all right. I'll see you in two hours. But to be fair, that whole house left with COVID, right? Wasn't that the house that you just moved? No, no, no.

That was the vineyard. That was a different time. That was a different house. That time I didn't have COVID because the kids are in daycare. They had like, excuse me. Now you got it. A closet full of tests. So I did tests when I got there.

I didn't have it. I did leave sick. Kids are just germ factories. I just did a Burt's Cruise. Oh, you did? We all got home and everybody had COVID. Yeah, I didn't get it because I've had it 78 times. What was the, was that like animal?

It was insane. And I've done a few cruises and I'm not a huge fan of them i was kind of dreading it like all right five days let's just drink the whole time and get through it i don't like the water that much fuck it and it was so fun burt carried it i mean the guy he is the machine he did a fucking small dick contest he did a halloween costume contest you do sets every night there's big beautiful theaters on these cruises. They're that big, huh? Yeah, I did like a 900-seater one a couple nights.

Yeah, shows were great. Crowds were great. Small dick. I love the small dick contest. It's funny. Yeah, they did a Speedo contest, but it turned into a micro penis off. Bare dick? Yeah, yeah.

How small did we talk? I'm talking micro. I'm talking acorn in a bush. We have a running joke, running story about a guy at a hockey event with Barstool chanting in the bathroom, I've got the smallest dick. And then we ran into this guy's buddy in Buffalo at our last show, and he was like, I'm friends with the smallest dick guy. And he showed us a picture of the whole gang. It's a doorbell.

It's crazy. No, no, no, no, no. It was just like a pretty regular dick. Oh, no. And all of his friends around him all had like, probably like a five inch flaccid dick. And I was like, you guys have been telling this dude he's in a micro dick.

He has a completely normal dick. He just hangs out with like five savages who have fucking hammers on them whoa it was crazy i remember looking at it being like i was looking around like i was like is that because then i have a microbe but yeah so these guys had like oh yeah like it didn't get over the ball sack you know it's just like a nub what do you do i i think you gotta own it because you're just like look how funny this is because what else are you gonna kill yourself but what do i mean what do you okay yes

that's we all know that right you lean into the most embarrassing thing yeah but then you still go home going like fuck i'm still so i think so you have a micro penis you still go home with a micro i made everyone laugh tonight about it but i am not having sex with anybody ever no well maybe there's some ladies out there who are very sensitive about length, and they're like, I need a micro. I don't know. I don't even know how jizz could shoot into you and get you pregnant even. Yeah, it must be like a droplet, right?

I guess so, yeah. Or is it like a full – You're pointing at me? Well, no, I'm saying – Why don't we ask this guy? You've got to do the upside-down thing to get the jizz in, like you were saying. And I heard you have a micro. That would be very funny if you shoot like a full load of cum from a micro penis.

I'm sure. That would be ridiculous. The sack is the same. Yeah. Like you get a fucking hotel toothpaste, but it just never ends. They thought, fuckers, don't stop it. That's what I would call it. Pimple poppers.

It just keeps going. Travel size. Travel size dick. Jackie, if everything else was perfect, dream scenario, money, looks, behavior, could you settle down with a micro penis? That's a no. Yeah, of course. That's a no.

That's the loudest no you've ever heard. You can't blame her. Yeah, no, I don't even think that's that bad. No, it's a no. Yeah, of course. That's a no. That's the loudest no you've ever heard. Yeah. You can't blame her. Yeah, no, I don't even think that's that bad. No, it's a no, and that's a very, very fair answer because it's an instinct. You would have known right away if it was a yes. I know a girl who's very pretty, very normal looking, and her fiancé now, I think, has a micro. Of course. You know what?

If you date someone with a micro penis, you can maybe discuss it with your best friend because I'm sure you need to have some discussions like, hey, can I really do this? You cannot be running around the girl crew telling everyone that he's got a micro penis. Well, I think everyone knew that he had a micro penis and then they started dating. Really? Like they're in college or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's her deal?

Is she just cool with it? She's cool with it. I mean, they got married. Is he awesome? No Wow Everything about him sucks He's like the most charming guy

I think he'd be the most charming guy on the planet Because he has to be He's like a funny fat gal Yeah, I mean I guess the other extremes would be like Could you date someone with a great dick Charming, super handsome But they literally have zero dollars I think, yeah guess the other extremes would be like could you date someone with a great dick charming super handsome but they literally have zero dollars like i think yeah because that is a bankrupt

dick but also the answer to that is yes yeah that happens all the time i i think so you think so girls and i guess you're right i think it happened like the first thing they're looking for is money well yeah and it's hard to get to the dick if you don't have a little dough. Yeah. You can't get a woman on your dong without a little cash. I guess you see enough, like, I'm dating the struggling artists or these bum comedians over here. You guys were always getting pussy

when you were broke, right? Yeah, but we had the comedy power, so you could get off stage and be like, hey. So, like, you have, you know, if you have all the other boxes, I think someone, still a lot of people would say no. But you're right.

More people would say yes to being totally broke versus being totally dick broke. Yeah. I'd rather have no money than no dick. Yes. In terms of romance. Actually, that's a good question. You can make money. You can't make dick.

But like let's say you can't make money. Let's say you are pretty talentless and stupid and you know that about yourself. Would you be like, I'll live in this very modest life. I'm in a trailer, but I can still throw a dick around every now and then. And I'm not saying you have a great dick. You just have a dick. Versus like micro penis, but you're a baller. Because the rest of your life. Micro penis. But you're a baller. Because like the rest of your life –

Micro penis. But you're a baller, yeah. Really? I don't know though. I think it bleeds into like – if you are totally at peace with it and you're like, I'm living on my yacht. I am traveling the world. So what?

Whatever. But I think the natural way of life, you would be like – it would just become who you are. I know. It's like the male brain right because people talk as we think about it all the time but like if you really want to break it down my dick is in use in the sense that a size matters you know for like i don't know 0.01 percent of my life well that's the argument your money impacts every single second of your life but this is what i mean like if you have a bad dick i use that thing a couple minutes at a time, a couple weeks, a couple days a week if you're lucky.

A couple – you know, like you add it all up. It's not that often. And you can still eat out and finger. Yeah. Right. That's always a good fallback. But I think the micropenis leaks into everything. Yes.

I think you can't walk in a room without getting made fun of. You can't – you don't stand up to your boss because you're like, I got a 90 dick. It just becomes, you know. It's small dick energy. Yeah, right, right. It really is. Interesting. I'm fascinated with this micropenis guy.

Does he have kids? No. No. They're like young. But he's like a gym rat, which. Oh, there it is. There's always an overcompensation Whether it's billionaire

Buff I think that's even worse Because you got these Big fucking legs And then it's Really hidden Good point That's why I don't work out

I bet he wears a strap on You know I guess If you find the Absolute right person And she's down And you're like Like truly

I don't make you Come with my dick It's everything else That you talked about Right Like I'm not If I make you come with my dick. It's everything else that you talked about. Right. If I make you come with my dick, that's a bonus. Yeah. Wait, what are you making her come with?

My hands, my mouth, everything else. Oh, really? I'm all dick. You're all dick? You're all dick? You make her come while you're doing it or while she's on top? Or you can make her come with your dick, with your moves? I'm on top.

I know the move. I put the legs up, and it works. We're married, though, so it's like we figure it all out. You do it, yeah. Yeah, and I say horrible. She likes being called horrible names, so I can put a thimble in her,

and I call her a cunt, and she's like, you know. It's also nice, because I get all my shit out in sex. Very symbiotic relationship. Yeah, you can't drive. You're ugly. Well, no one told you that the because a lot of women like being insulted in the bedroom but no one tells you their insults are supposed to be sexy you know so i'm just like yeah you can't

cook you're a fucking idiot and that does not work it's got to be like you're you're a whore yeah let's keep let's demean them sexually. Come on. Be respectable. Call them a slut. Right, right. I remember the first time a girl was like that, and I remember looking around, and I was like, this is crazy. Demented. Yeah. Don't you say that?

I know. I know. They say it's a woman with a good childhood prefers that. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's like the opposite. Dude, I'm getting hip to it. I think there's – I spoke of a reckoning earlier.

I think chicks are just long playing us where there's all this stuff about everyone is getting choked now and the hair pull and the dirty talk where you're like, call me a whore. I think in ten years, girl is going to be like, do you know what he said to me? I wonder, too, like how much of it is – I've said this several times recently. The choking thing became permeated culture so fast. I have a theory on this. Okay. I'm wondering, is it performative or do they actually all like it? I think a lot of them do like it.

I think it's a lot – when masculinity kind of went down, I think choking in the bedroom went up. They wanted it. So it's like you're a pussy in real life, so be a man. Yeah, yeah. There actually might be some logic to that. It's like I run your life. I think there's some caveman shit in there. Like guys aren't as guy-y anymore.

So in the bedroom, like be a fucking guy. Let's do it. You know what I will say to go back to the earlier conversation? When I'm talking about how much it sucks with kids i think there are probably also like dads out there who are or like old school dads are like i don't give a fuck i'm i'm gonna keep doing all the shit that i do yeah it's about how involved you you are sure and all that shit but yeah i think there's definitely a level of like we stopped being like the the mad men guys yeah and and while like 99 percent of the time that's probably good for girls yes there probably

is a a missing element of like i just missed when a guy was a fucking guy who you know manhandled yeah yeah i think so i think that's my theory we have a lady here who loves being choked so we could ask her but that's that's my dumb guy well i mean yeah jack, nobody, no girl, I feel like girls like it very much both ways where it's like you want a guy who's in touch with his feelings and lets you be independent and blah, blah, blah, blah, but it's also like if you're a pussy, you're unattractive. Well, yeah, I mean, it's like it's fun to feel like a slut. I guess that's the other thing too.

It's like anything else in the world, if you're going to do it, let's do it. Yeah. If I'm going to fuck you, I'm going to fuck you. Right. I think that there is some kind of, like, I don't know, evolution. Like, it's just hot. Yeah. Dominance.

Complete dominance. And the neck is a vulnerable spot. It's like, you know, you go play, like, some pickup ball. It's like, I want to play basketball. I want to do what I watch the pros do. Right. I'm going to try to do my best. I want to choke these kids.

But the hair pulling, the spanking, it all comes back to just naughty. And I think there's a lot of dad stuff at play. Yeah. I think dads really play a factor. It's upsetting when you – I don't know, though. They call us daddy. I know some pretty fucking well-adjusted girls who are just like – I think a lot of it is like I saw it in porn and I liked it and I do it. Yeah.

Maybe the issue is you have too good of a relationship with your dad. I don't fucking know. Right. That's true. I know plenty of people who are fucked up and do that shit and plenty of people who are totally normal and I just like to get down. Yeah. Well, I know a girl who's wacko, drug addict, in and out of rehab. Don't talk about your wife that way.

This is years ago. We had sex and I spanked her and she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, I just thought that's what you do. You're not doing it? Yeah. I was like, you're a psycho freak weirdo. You got a swastika tattoo on your lower back, and I spank you, and I'm the weirdo?

I had a girl once, and we were talking about that, and I was just like, do you like spanking? And she's like, I don't crave it. And I was like, you crave the other stuff? I think so, yeah. You crave it. And I'm like, you crave the other stuff? I think so, yeah. You crave to spit in your mouth? Jesus Christ. Well, there's something to be said, too, that women all day have to be prim, proper.

They look nice. They got makeup on. They're polite. They say sorry and thank you. So in the bedroom, let's get fucking nutty. I don't get why, I guess it's just how your body reacts or whatever. But I don't get people who have sex not that way. Yeah.

What are we doing here? Like I just said, let's get messy. It's like the fact that you want to do it but do it like – let's just do it in this one position for a little while and not say anything. Don't even fucking do it at all, man. Yeah. Go to separate rooms and masturbate. Yeah. Right. Well, there is the hungover sideways. Let's knock this out. say anything and don't even fucking do it at all yeah go to separate rooms and masturbate yeah well there is the hungover sideways uh let's knock this out you know the hungover when you're like

you wake up and you're hard but you're both hungover and it's just kind of like that game of chicken we're like which one of us is gonna roll over on the other one it's right there one of us how like like there's some you're playing a little hanky-panky, and you're like, all right, clearly this is going to happen, but maybe if I lay really still, she'll get on me. It's like playing chicken with the chores. Who's going to take the garbage out? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The dishes pile up in the sink. I have a theory that. I'll let out a groan or two, be like, look how tired I am. That kind of hurts. Yeah, some girls like to be handcuffed and shit and tied up, and I'm like, that's just... I got to do everything. I got to do everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is hot. This is labor. You're like, yo, that thing you do with your hands is pretty cool. Now you can't do any of that shit. Yeah. I have a theory that the spoon sex that you speak of... Yes.

The day that that becomes... The norm? No, I'm almost the op i guess so like i think if you can enjoy that consistently like everybody can enjoy when everybody throws their fastball you know and it's also just not realistic that everyone's going to do that every time now so but if you can have the enjoyable spoon sex whether it's because you like her ass or what she does or how her pussy feels or whatever. But the day that that starts to go, you know, it's like, I think you'll, over time

you will lose the, like, I put on some lingerie and we're doing these crazy things because it just happens. But if you can consistently enjoy that, I think you'll be good. Okay, that's good to know because in marriage I don't know what you're talking about, we're like the same age. Well, in marriage you do a lot of spoon because you're like, let's just knock this

out. My mom's in the next room. I was going to say, I think I've probably done spoon like three times in my life. Really? Huh. And every time, the mom was in the next room. Yeah. Well, I know that gets you off. Every lazy sex, you're getting up and putting in work. Yeah.

Or playing dead fish at work worked and she's on my so i know people kind of knock it it's just the lazy man's doggy style you just take doggy style and you put it oh you're right you're still clapping cheeks true yeah you can't really see their asshole as much as we know that that's why we love doggy style but if you just take doggy style and it's like, you know, when sometimes your heights don't match up or your back's kind of – you just go boom. Yeah, you're right.

Sideways doggy. I'm going to redefine. I'm going to have a revolution. We're going to rebrand the spoon and we're going to call it sideways doggy style. If you say to someone, you know, you like sideways doggy style, they're going to go, what's that? And then you're like, you just fucking lay down. I've never thought of it that way because when I think of Spoon, I think our heads

are the same way. You're saying she's bent over like that. It's a little bit up. Yeah, you're right. So it's not quite doggy style, but it's kind of that. Also, it can. I definitely, you know, head down there and it starts to make that perpendicular shape.

But, yeah, it's a little more like I guess it would be the prone bone, if you will. Prone bone. But I think it's a bad rap. I like it. No, I do it today. I'm on board. So you're back on the road? Back on the road every weekend. Have you been just did new orleans my hometown for thanks i do a thanksgiving show every year and it's a

fuck oh wait sorry before we do this we gotta talk about the fucking the bachelor party that launched you know god damn comedic civil war practically well i'm not allowed to bring it up were you uh were you even like aware of what was going on and all that Or were you just like I'm fucking blacked out At the strip club Whatever We were all All just hammered Kind of throughout the day

And then a big argument Went nuts And we're all like This is weird And then it was over The internet blew it up It wasn't until Yeah the podcast started

I mean Segura was just You know Yeah exactly Tell me the real detail And then Ari gets in the mix Yes We need content So you know Hey this is something That can start a feud But I did get the vibe Like that Yeah, exactly. Tell me the real detail, and then Ari gets in the mix. Yes, we need content.

So, hey, this is something that can start a feud. But I did get the vibe that I feel like Joe and Burt probably aren't. They squashed it. Yeah, totally squashed it. They're cool now? Totally cool. Because I feel like if I have those things, if I have those tiffs with somebody, it's like, all right, I don't hate you anymore, but I'm also not looking at the next bachelor party party i'm gonna like pair off with you and hang

out they got a lot in kind of both alcoholics they both like cigars they both love baseball like they're they're some potty coat so they're good but yeah that that was a wild trip though just you know i mean you had the the murder was wrong yeah it got ugly and it's all booze so joe was the only sober guy so he was kind of the babysitter that's gotta be tough it was if i was john like i'm not babysitting any of you motherfuckers i'll go home when i want to go home you die you die like i'm not i'm not dealing any of this shit yeah uh but last week i did a the hometown gig which is always a nightmare for a comedian because it's just my jerk-off high school friends going, talk about that

time you shit yourself at the bar. And you're like, I'm doing my act here. Hold on there, man. You weren't that funny in sophomore year. Yeah, exactly. Shut the fuck up. Do you have a friend or friends who are like, I'm funnier than you? Oh, yeah.

All day long. Are they? Probably, but they're not going to sit down and write it out. Yeah, that's a big That's the hard part. I got a lot of friends who almost a lot of my common phrases that I use and little catchphrase jokes are like kind of an amalgam of them. Yeah. And I'm like,

you all could have done it. Yes. You just didn't. Exactly. And I think that, you know, the fact that I would just sit there and write blogs and shit. I have so many friends who could have done it. Yes. You just didn't. Exactly. I think the fact that I would just sit there and write blogs and shit. I have so many friends who could have been our golf podcast. Our golf podcast makes so much money, and those guys are great. But they were funny guys who golfed and did it, and they would have had a head start. Yeah, well. You got to do it.

Funny people tend to be very lazy and just kind of unambitious. All the funniest guys I started with were just like, I've got to do clips. I've got to do a podcast. Fuck that. I just like telling jokes. I'm out. And now they're all working at, you know, they're like line cooks or mechanics. And they were the funniest people I've ever seen.

And all you had to do was put in some effort on the back end or whatever. Exactly. It does suck. I hate it. I hate putting the clips out. I hate the promotion. It's a nightmare but it's also like then i think like well then why do we even do i know it's bittersweet because it does help but it's also a lot of work and i always say comedy and other stuff like podcasting entertainment it used to be like boxing you go up you box you

punch people in the face you get punched in the face that was it now comedy is mma you got to know how to grapple you got to know how to grapple, you've got to know how to box, you've got to know Muay Thai and jiu-jitsu. I also think it's a lot like football. Ray Lewis used to talk about Sundays I play for free. My paycheck is Monday through Saturday, like the prep and all that. So it's like, yeah, when you're on stage in the moment, or you're doing the show, it's great,

but it's the social media and the promotion and all that shit. Otherwise, that's the work part of it yeah you have do you have strategy to yours like do you know when you're posting a tuesdays with more uh stories clip or do you know when you're doing stand do you have a times you do it out or you just kind of like fucking throwing it around i'm weird i got i got a like i'll have a hamas bit so i'll be like all right that's in the news let's put that out yeah you know or like uh oh i got a taylor news. Let's put that out. Yeah. You know? Or like, oh, I got a Taylor Swift joke. Let's put that out now while she's in the news. So I do stuff like that.

But like your steady everyday shit. Is it like you have a producer who's like, we have to have a clip in the morning, a clip at night. I feel it out. I try to do one every three days. Do you run all your shit? I do all of it. You don't have any?

I have a guy who cuts it and captions it, but I decide when to put it out and what to write under it. Interesting. Do you have time to go by or are you kind of like day? Like 10 a.m. versus 8 p.m. kind of deal? I have a guy who cuts it and captions it, but I decide when to put it out and what to write under it and all that. Do you have time to go by or are you kind of like day? Like 10 a.m. versus 8 p.m. kind of deal? Nah, it's kind of like, all right, I'm getting on a flight. I'll do it now. Knock it out.

How many clips would you say you do like a week or like when an episode drops? Do you have like – Oh, God. I don't know. I probably do like three a week. So it's a lot of work. It's funny, man. It's like I feel like we have to grind out much more you gotta it's

always a very fine line between you don't want to overexpose yes some people you pull away and it's mysterious they want more i think you have to be really very talented and the material has to be great for that and then other people i think it's like i gotta hit this i know see this clip and maybe the first two weren't that funny but but the third one you said, yes, I relate to that. And now I'm becoming a fan. So that shit is a grind for sure. It's a grind, and I hope it goes away. They say there's going to be data fatigue.

That's what they're calling it, coming soon. And I'm like, oh, I can't wait for that shit. Bro, if it hasn't come, I mean. That's true. Because people, you know, they say. Come already. Finish. Let's go, data.

Yeah. Most entertainment is within 24 hours. Like most of what you consume has been made within 24 hours. Isn't that insane? Yeah. So like all that footage is just gone. You don't even think about it. Yeah.

Unless it's an old tweet we pull up. But like all the shit you're watching on TikTok and all that when you're shitting or on the train – Do you ever think about that though? We have a particularly evergreen podcast, and I think I keep meaning to get a team together to just go back through hundreds of episodes and recut all the evergreen shit. That's a great idea.

Great idea. Because when you watch a TikTok, it's like unless you know what the person looks like, it's like, oh, that was five years ago. They had a beard. Yeah. You don't know if it's brand new or 10 years old. Totally. You don't know the name.

So if you have that catalog, it can be very, very valuable. Very valuable. But again, you need a fucking team. But if you've got the money, do it. You can sit back and be like, all right, we can take a breather and just do our shit instead of having to fucking put footage out all day. Jackie, that's what's next for you, girl. Do you think that the, like, with, you were talking about the data fatigue, where, like, I don't know if I'm

unique or whatever, but, like, I've been thinking recently, probably for a couple months now, closer to a year, where it's just, like, I'm just so, it's even commercials now, I'm so sick of everything that's being filmed on a phone. It's kind of what you're saying, like, everything was just created in 24 hours. Yeah.

I'm at the point now where I'm like, when I consume something, I want to see that they put in work. And they tried. And it's not just like... I watch Hulu a lot, and I have it with ads. I like the commercials.

Whatever. I could afford $12 a month. It's fine, $7.99. But every Olay commercial, and then it's a lot of skin creams, and people just selling auto insurance.99. But like every Olay commercial and then it's like it's a fucking – it's a lot of skin creams and it's like people just like selling auto insurance. Yeah. And I was like I remember when they used to hire actors for this shit. Right.

Give me a good Jake from State Farm. Let's go. Throw a few fucking bucks in there and get like a model to fucking do this. There's one particular cream that I'm always getting an ad for. It's like you can put it on your butt crack and it doesn't stink. Like, what the fuck are you putting lotion on your butt crack for? Whatever. My point is, do you think that there will be a come around

to, like, quality again? I think for sure. I think that's a great prediction. I'm not, like, I'm not trying to make a prediction. I'm just saying, like, that's how I... Well, everything shifts, because, you know, you get sick of hair metal, we go to grunge. You know, it just keeps shifting.

So, like, I think that's going to happen. I think that's why movies are coming back. Like, Oppenheimer killed it. Barbie killed it. I saw Napoleon last night. It's incredible. It's like an epic film with fucking cannonballs and horses and swords and castles. And you're like, oh, my God, I'm not watching some asshole go, hey, where you from?

And it's in a shitty club in Cleveland. They're like, I'm from Cleveland. Oh, this guy's from Cleveland. Yeah, who gives a fuck? Show me something good, some quality. So yeah, I think that's coming back. It's perfectly right where it's like everything is cyclical. But I think when the pandemic hit and everyone

was like, we can just do it like Skype. I'm like, get in the fucking studio. Get in the studio and talk. I don't want to hear you stepping over each other. I don't want to hear you just fucking get in the studio and go to work. Authenticism got real big for a while. Oh, it's gritty. Holy shit.

It's like I'm in the room with them. I think we got sick of that because every cum guzzler and twat and asshole could make anything. Yeah. And we're sick of it. There needs to be a little bit of a barrier eventually. Yeah, a little bit. You're good enough or have enough money or enough backing to like you rented a studio. There's a producer who like believes in you.

Yes. Or whatever. It's like there's enough faith put into you that you recorded it in a real way. It's like literally anybody can do it with their phone. You watch NFL Game Day or whatever the show is called on NFL Network and it's like five different boxes of people. It's like, can't you just go to a studio, guys? TV feels done.

This is better than most TV shows. It's so bad. And then the commercials. If you miss it, you miss it. TV had a real like without sports and news what do they got yeah right it was there was like a real golden age that golden age was not long ago man it was that it was that mad men breaking bad sure even went later than that because then you had thrones i think i think like up until the pandemic i think there

was still really good tv made right right now there's fucking people keep i'm just i've been in movie mode for like three months. I just watch movies every night because there's nothing. You sift for hours. I can't even think of one show. Even if I do, I'm like, it was alright. Yeah, like Squid Game was something. What grabs the nation?

Something we'd all be talking about at the water cooler shows. That was good. Even like Squid Game was like the ending of Squid Game I thought kind of sucked. It was very rare that it at least... and Game of Thrones sucked in the end, but it was like four, five, six, whatever seasons were, it was like, it was good for a long time. Yeah.

Week in and week out. Like, well done. That is just not. Oh, The Last of Us. That was, that was like one of the best. Yeah. I'll tell you what though, that's the answer. I'm playing video games a lot more now.

These guys should be making the movies. Oh. They make the Spider-Man game that just came out. I was like, this is a fucking awesome movie that I just get to be a part of a little bit. Wow, interesting.

I say, why don't those guys write the movies? It's probably because they're making more money doing video games. The real writers are doing games, not fucking TV. Movies got a little too queefy, too. You've got to have this many of these. You've got to have a woman beat up everybody. Did you watch House of Usher?

Who? The fall of House of Usher? No, I haven't heard of it. It was a Netflix thing that was, like, comical with the representation. Oh, really? It was a white dad who had six kids, and, like, three of them just weren't white. That's hilarious. It was so funny.

This one's gay. This one was bi. This one's straight, but getting his dick sucked. This one is a woman. This one's gay This one was bi This one's straight But getting his dick sucked This one is a woman This one's a black woman This one is a It was like And it's all fine

Oh you guys didn't even Fucking cry Just don't force it on me Like this is silly Now it's a South Park just ripped Disney a new asshole You like that?

It was great Yeah those were very good Those guys were really well done But yeah You can't force it And we all know what it is Like my wife loves Sex and the City. And the old seasons are great.

When it was on HBO, they were fun and young, and now it's just so obvious. It's almost like AI made it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old Sex and the City, I think, was one of the first shows that had a cum shot on television. Really? On regular TV. It was, I think, a happy ending massage situation, and it was just a, you didn't see the dick, but you saw it pop on the screen. Hey, that's fun.

I think it was one of the first times. I don't see a lot. It's still not. The reason, it was Issa Rae, her show. Insecure? Insecure. Had one where, I think she gets a facial. Whoa.

And it was a thing. He didn't ask. I think that was the whole story. No, he didn't ask. And that was a thing. He didn't ask. I think that was the whole story. Oh, he didn't ask. And I – that was a big deal, and it was like here are the firsts. And it was like that show The Americans had a 69. Whoa.

Sexy City had a cum shot. It was all the things that was like for the first time. That's fun. So, yeah, and they ain't doing that anymore though. Like the new Sexy City is very, you know, all cookie cutter shit. Right. Go back to the cum. Yeah. Give us the cum. Come on. You probably have a squirter now because you gotta have a lady take the power back but yeah that show it's wild and it's just panned all day long everybody makes fun of it yeah we just went good right that's why comedy's so popular right now yeah i mean

you guys are having having your fucking golden age for sure it's a boom and a half making huh oh yeah it's great. People are coming out. How much money are you making these days, Norman? You rich? I'm doing okay. I got a small nut. That first special was like 12 million views on YouTube. Yeah.

How much did you make from that? Nothing. Nothing. Not much. I mean pennies. Not even like that third party shit. It's a commercial to sell your tickets on the road. Right.

But there is not like 50 grand or not even that like like literal peanuts literally you get about uh like 700 bucks a month for that i get oh that was like a wild success yes exactly exactly youtube this guy's by the balls uh and then that parlays into uh a one special deal with netflix was like a tryout or you have i did a half hour they were like testing me right so then i got out of that i got an? Was it like a tryout? I did a half hour. They were testing me. Right. So then after that, I got an hour. So it's a long road. Some people just get an hour.

I had to do the YouTube. I did a Comedy Central hour, a Comedy Central half hour. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but I feel like that's the better way to do it in the long run. Probably. In the moment, it's like,

I would love to just cut to the $20 million Netflix deal, but it's like your comedy grew with it. Yes, yes. And now you're ready for it. I did the long route. Because some of these specials, it's like, you should have worked on that for a couple more years. I know, I know.

It's getting wild. And you have to know when you got the goods and when you don't. Yeah, yeah. If I went up there and tried right now, even if I did my best, I'd be like, well, that ain't like Mark. That ain't like Shane. That ain't like, you know. And so I'm not ready to put that out.

Well, it's funny how big of an asshole people are. They'll be like, oh, Shane Gillis has 15 million views. Must be nice. Like, must be nice. He earned that. He's hilarious. And he couldn't get on any other thing, so he put a thing on YouTube. He was forced to do it.

After he got in trouble, yeah. So, like, I hate the must be nice. He earned that. That's fucking crazy. But that's human nature. People get angry. Well, find the good ones on hate the must be nice. He earned that. That's fucking crazy. But that's human nature. People get angry. Well, find the good ones on the road and perform for them. So go check out Mark.

You going everywhere? Everywhere. MarkNormanComedy.com. We're doing the micro penis tour. Come on out. It's a fun one. But, yeah, I'm coming to your town, I swear to God. I don't know what camera I'm looking at.

But, yeah, I'll jizz on your shoe. We'll do it up. All right, beautiful. Thanks, man. Thank you very much. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.