KFC Radio - Thank You Adriana Chechik | Esther Povistsky Interview | Brian Baumgartner Interview

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share and leave a review! Feits beard trimming experience and the internet's reaction Feits is buying another apartment complex DNA Testing being used for crime solving Update on our social team drama John understands podcasts after listening to the Always Sunny pod Adriana Chechik is putting her body on the line for your entertainment #ThankYouAdriana John’s Got a real problem with a certain group of people Jacqed Up Week 11 Top 5 Assassinations Voicemails: What's always at your bedside, thinking of Kevin and John at the WRONG TIME, and more (02:17:00) Esther Povistky joins the show! We talk about how she got a tattoo for her cohost, her relationship with her cohosts Annie Lederman and Khalyla Kuhn on Trash Tuesdays, trying to buy happiness, and much more. (03:01:47) Brian Baumgartner returns to the show! We talk about his new book that shows never before told behind the scenes stories about The Office, what the best thanksgiving dishes are, and more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @nickhammy5 @JNics415 @macczack21 @littleesther @BBBaumgartnerYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The porn world needs to step in and be like, with like, hashtag, thank you, Adriana. And be like, we don't need you to break your fucking vertebrae anymore. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. This is our one episode this week, right? Yes. One episode, so we're going to smash a bunch of interviews in there.

We're going to get you some jacked up. We'll do some voicemails on the top five. So one big mega episode here for Thanksgiving. Episode, voicemail,

fucking tit shits are with, interviews are with Brian Bumgardner and Esther Povitsky. Esther, Lil' Esther, Lil' Esther Povitsky.

Who I think will, is the smallest guest we've ever had. Ellie's better than Joe. They're the same exact size. I want rough and rowdy Esther versus Ellie for supremacy over the E name or some shit. I don't know. Height-wise, it might be Enrique Iglesias. He was pretty low.

Enrique Iglesias. Not Iglesias. The other one. Enrique Iglesias. Not Iglesias. The other one. Enrique. I've never kissed Enrique Iglesias. I've never kissed him. Come back to me. I forget. This fucking guy said Enrique Iglesias.

Gabriel. Gabriel Iglesias. Gabriel Iglesias. Fluffy? Fluffy, yeah. He was short. Bro, you think Fluffy? Are you out of your fucking mind?

Are you a psychopath? Ellie's 4'11". Fluffy was tiny. We had a racist chair. Fluffy's like 5'6". Dude, you are a lunatic. Fluffy might be you out of your fucking mind? Are you a psychopath? Fluffy was tiny. Fluffy's like 5'6". Fluffy might be like 5'8". I don't know. Fluffy is wider than they are tall.

I'm pretty sure Fluffy is a completely normal-sized man. He's not. He's 5'10". No way is he 5'10". 5'8". I way is he 5'10". I mean, you listed 5'10"? 5'8". I don't even believe that.

And technically not in this studio, but we did have Danny DeVito. I think you're thinking of another person. You must be. No, I'm not. It's definitely not Enrique Iglesias. But yeah, I remember him being very small. We need a vacation. He is a notably humongous person.

We're talking about the all-time smallest guest, and you picked the biggest one we've ever had. Shout out to Fluffy. That is hilarious. If you ask anybody, do you know Gabriel Iglesias, their first response is, the huge guy?

Yeah. Imagine someone being like, oh, that's the smallest dude I've ever met. The smallest guy in the history of this world. Oh, but that's just a big, big, bulky person. I mean, just a big man. He's much smaller now. He got rich. That's amazing.

There was a time where Gabriel was. Can we get him next to anybody for me, not just him on a promo cutout? You can probably get him next to us. Look at the fucking... That's what kids look through. I'm done. You're just... You are sitting your heels in here,

and there is no winning this one. Anyway, so we get the two interviews, and we'll get into all our usual madness. I can't believe there was no before picture. I can't believe that was the only picture. I just, I couldn't believe it. What do you mean? I kept scrolling, and I was like, oh, my God, that's the after picture. Bro, I couldn't believe it. What do you mean? I kept scrolling and I was like, oh my God, that's the after picture.

Bro, I couldn't believe it. I wrote that. The joke in that blog is my experience, not my goddamn facial hair. I thought it looked good. I know. That's what made it. You wrote like 75,000 words on the experience all for everyone to go, where's the after picture?

Which makes it so much funnier. But not how you intended it. But goddamn, that's so much funnier. If you don't know what I'm talking about, John went and got his beard professionally trimmed this weekend and decided to dust off the old keyboard, get them blog fangers back working. And blog he did. I mean, painting a picture, just eloquent as fuck, details galore, just like writing this beautiful story about the experience for everyone to go,

but wait, where's the other picture? And there was no other picture. That was after the professional trim job. And the reaction, like literally every single tweet being like, where's the before picture? Where's the before picture? And I see after picture. You're like, enough!

Enough! Oh, I was dying. I mean, you covered every single detail of that experience, except for the fact that it doesn't look like you got your beard professionally trimmed. It's just. Bro, I've been I'll tell you what, I've been defending this company because here's the deal, what sucks

about our fame, I guess if you will, our rise of notoriety, it's like I used to, I'd fucking say everything in that blog, I'd say where I got it cut, I'd say his name and I don't care, like I'm protecting him and only him because he'll be like he'll he'll he'll get mad and like he doesn't say that

i'm thrilled about this like i i couldn't be happier that this is the way it went down and be like they don't people don't get jokes but fuck it mendy you kind of botched me bro yo yo you good, bro. All you need to know is go to my Venmo payments and I just paid someone $20 for a $25 beard trim as a tip and it's Mendy. Mendy, you're a nice guy. Mendy, you know what Mendy

did? So actually, here's one thing I want to talk to you about this story too. That's a story I would always just save for this show. And then I was like, I kind of want to write it. But now on the show, I'm like, do I tell a story? Do we just... Do you want to tell it? Tell it.

Is that how it goes? Tell it. Well, I was thinking we could have someone just read it. You want to do a dramatic reading? It feels weird to just tell a story. Just tell it again. Do you want me to read it? I don't...

I get... We're kind of figuring this out on the fly here. Yeah. I don't really know... Is it better to just tell a story or to fucking read a story? I think it's better to just tell a story. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to read it.

Yeah. Well, because there's probably some things you didn't say there or things you left out. So tell it to me. Because I didn't read the whole thing. I skimmed it because I figured we'd talk about it. So you can fill in the details for me. Okay. I skipped right to the bottom for the after picture and couldn't find it.

So I was with my mustache. I'm going to kick back and listen to the story. As many of you have noted over the last few months, my mustache has gotten out of control. Out of control. Like I couldn't. Wait, let me just interrupt before you get into it. The picture is also so unflattering of you. Oh, that's intentional.

I mean, goodness. Motherfucker, you forget your blog days? You know how to get someone to click on an image? Get the fuck out of here. The nose, the Roman nose looks like, I don't know. The Roman nose looks like someone carved out a whole fat nostril. Your nostril's the size of a huge belly button. That looks like someone took my belly button and put it in your nose.

Let me tell you something, motherfuckers. Nothing happens accidentally around this fucking place. Except when you think that you got a good beard trim and you didn't. That was kind of an accident. Okay, keep going. I know I feel like the internet

is like, you look gross. I know. I feel like on the internet, you look gross. I know. I know. You fucking clicked on it. This is what happens. Fucking Thoreau didn't have to go through this shit. He didn't have to have nice cover art to get people to read his books.

I knew I needed to get people in my goddamn blog because I knew it was a good blog. It's like, oh, no, it's going to click. I got my beard cut. I had to look grotesque for you motherfuckers what did I just watch with the real reference it's the only reason I had an author on my mind

oh uh Love Hard on Netflix yes you watch it yes yeah fun movie I fucking love Heather um the um but what was I saying? So anyway, I couldn't. Bro, let me tell you how I was drinking smoothies these days.

Oh, God. Okay? I wasn't even pouring smoothies. It was not possible for me to drink smoothies out of a glass. I was drinking them straight from the blender and then holding the blender under my chin while it dripped off and I'd have another sip.

So I knew things had to be fucking fixed. Have you considered buying one of the mustache blocker thingies? No. What's this? I haven't heard of it. It's like a little metal thing that has hooks on either side and hooks to your cup.

So then when you drink it, it blocks. Oh. It's called the whisker. Yeah, that's the premise, though. So that one's built in. But imagine if you just had a little stainless steel thing that you could hook onto your solo cup. And then it blocks all the mustache guard. I was going to say,

you could probably sell them, to be honest. Just for everybody with a mustache out there, buy the Feidelberg mustache guard. I can get into that. Let me get you the exact... Someone sent it to me and said, this is for Feidelberg. And I was like, okay. But so I decided, I was like,

I got to get this fixed. It's more Thanksgiving. This is a mess. And I'd always, I'm just exceptionally self-conscious about my facial hair or lack thereof. And I know I need to get it. The whisker dam. Sorry. The whisker dam. And I know I need to get it.

I've always been scared to walk into a place and be like, I want to cut my beard because I feel like everyone's just going to laugh at me. I just want to be like, hey, can you just clean me up? I feel you, but also, as always, you have to remember there are so many more ugly people out there

who are so much worse off than you. Yeah, I know, but I guess it's probably like what a bald person feels walking into a hairdresser. Sure.

Where I'm like, I just like, cut what you got left. I just want to get this a little, a little shape it up. So I knew there was a barbershop on

granite jab that i walked by all the time so i woke up sunday morning it was like today's the day baby we're gonna do it we're gonna fucking man i i literally i says the blog some things i think people think you're joking i literally intentionally didn't masturbate because i like i had to keep my testosterone i'm like all right baby here's it gonna be i woke up at morning wood and was like fuck it i'm gonna let this go down naturally because I need every fucking piece of man inside of me to work up the confidence to go ask another person to trim my hair. Then I boxed. Then I did light boxing. And I was like, all right.

By the way, did you see that Mike Tyson said the opposite of that? What? Mike Tyson said he always fucked before he fought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes so much more sense to me I got like the rubbery legs thing But like boxers going out there with a loaded gun never made sense to me You're gonna get reckless, you're gonna be stupid You gotta be thinking clearly

So this guy's going out to get his beard trimmed With a sack full of cum like a maniac Well then guess what, guess what happened You jerked off No, you jerked off in a barbershop Things went pretty haywire Sack full of cum Bro I walked into in a barbershop. Things went pretty haywire because I was not focused. You had a sack full of cum. Bro, I walked into the first barbershop thinking, like, I was like, I planned it.

I was like, all right, at 1230 I'll go out because at 1 o'clock men are watching football. Right. So there won't be a bunch of people. Right, you'll just go there, there'll just be a bunch of gays and women getting their beer. In a city of nine million. You go out in the streets and there's no males anywhere. It's football time. Not a fucking shred of facial hair

anywhere to be found. Any hair on a face in Manhattan is covered in buffalo sauce right now. And so I go in and the first thing, the first barbershop I walk into on Grand Avenue, yeah,

full of barber chains. It's a Sunday afternoon. And the two dudes were like fucking, like, they looked like they were on beers. They looked like they were on brawny ads. Yeah. And I kind of just. That's tough. I panicked and was like, take walk-ins.

And then they were like, I was like. What? Like, what? He goes, do you take walk-ins? He goes, uh, no. We full right now. I was like, okay, thank you. And he's like, wait, wait. I can take in 10. And he's like, he's saying 10 minutes.

Like, have you ever done this before, you asshole? But I want, I found one hurdle. You know, like, oh, it's a rainy day. Can't go to the gym. I was like, ah, they're full. I have to wait. They might have to leave. But I had taken my headphones out to talk to the guy.

I've got to show you how this went. This was so bad. Oh, gosh. And I had taken my headphones out to talk to the guy. And so I was in the middle of putting them away. But then I was already putting them back in. So I was just fidgeting and kind of fumbled it. And I dropped it. Oh, no.

But I wanted to keep my exiting momentum going. So you tried to like scoop as you go, like a fumble, like a scoop up fumble rather than falling on the ball. No. And I ended up hobbling out of the store going like this. Oh my God. I am embarrassed to do the show with you.

I cannot believe I know you. Bro, I looked like fucking... What's his name? Like a hunchback. Quasimodo. What's the thing from the fucking Lord of the Rings? Gollum.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hobbling around. My precious. I mean, that's what my beard did in my body. What an absolute asshole you are. Okay. So now you're leaving this place? So now I'm gone.

And I'm just on Granite Jab and I'm like, John, you gotta get together, baby. And by the way, you're wearing your kimono? No. No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. And I knew I needed to get myself a little confidence up. So I decided it's time for some retail therapy.

Just keep walking on down Granite Jav. Hit 6th Avenue. Went down to Bloomingdale's. In Bloomingdale's just looking for a sign. It's like, good Lord, please help me. Help me feel like a man again. I love what set out to be your big masculine afternoon. You end up in bloomies.

Yeah. Got a medium brown bag. And so like a shining light is this fucking winter kimono. And I was like, that's it right there. That's the one. That thing looks fucking beautiful. So I buy this bad Larry inside. It's gorgeous.

And what exactly is it? I see some clouds. Is that a mountain on the other side? Yeah, I'd say it's some Japanese shit. Technically what it's called. And then I went to All Saints and I got an animal print jacket. And then I was

like, alright, I'm feeling like a man again. I have a wool kimono and an animal print jacket. And a disgusting again. I have a wool kimono and an animal print jacket. And a disgusting beard. I have officially enough testosterone to go to a barbershop. Sack full of cum, a kimono, an animal print jacket, and an ugly beard. I am a man. I am all that is man.

Bow before me. Okay. So now how do you find, are you just walking? Do you find a new place? Or are you looking places up? So now I'm walking and again, like a sign from God, I bump into the mobile barbershop right off 6th Ave.

It's like a short, it's a short bus. Okay. And it's people with retarded beards. And uh, and uh, and uh, and uh, and so I was like, I was like, alright right and i kind of stopped in front of it and they have a sign in front and it's like it's like personal consultation plus oil treatment and

a beard trim 25 bucks i was like that's fucking primo and i'm kind of they i could see inside the short bus there are two barber's chairs and they were both full and i was kind of just pacing like all right come on man, just stick your head inside this bus and have someone cut your hair. And I'm like, alright, come on, you can do this, you can do this. And it turns out I could not do it. So I walked again

and I stress ate Wendy's. Bro, I went into a Wendy's on 6th Avenue and I was just like, you gotta get a chicken sandwich. You were that afraid? I'm gonna eat a chicken sandwich, fucking hammer it in a frosty,

get caught in my mustache. Naturally, yeah. I was like. You were too afraid to just ask the retard boss if you get a trim? I was like, well, if I'm gonna start doing barber shops, I gotta start with a real one before I'm hitting mobile. Right? And so I'm like, all right, all right, fine. And I fucking, I'm thinking about how my family's going to laugh at me

if I go to Thanksgiving looking like I'm looking. And I was like, I got to just do it. I got to do it. So I started walking home. I got to the West Village again. And I finally, I pop in barbershop. I happen to be by the Stonewall Inn. And there's one right next door to the Stonewall Inn. It's where Mendy works.

Whatever. I'm just saying the place at this point. Yeah. And I had a fantastic joke in my fucking blog that not many people seem to get. At least no one tweeted at me, hey, that was a good joke. But I said that it was right by the Stonewall Inn where manly men had famously gone to lose their beards. Yeah. Fucking, you don't even know.

No, I don't get it. What does it mean? Stonewall Inn is like the location of the gay revolution. How? Yeah, that's some gay shit, dude. Yeah, yeah. Where you go lose your beard. Yeah, well, if you don't know the deep facts of the gay revolution, you're not gonna get that joke.

I think the Stonewall is a pretty famous one. Yeah? Yeah. I've never heard that in my life. What is it? Stonewall Inn. It's like where, like, the bar, where, like, I don't know what started there, but I know. They refused to leave when cops were trying to kick them out, and, like, it started a whole giant, like, riot in the streets.

Yeah, it's... What the fuck were you on this one? Can you just set it quick? Oh, I think I just cut to myself and there's no camera so apologies for the black there for a second. Nick was embarrassed to show his face. And so I go

into this place and I walk in, beautiful this place and I walk in beautiful receptionist. And I was like, hey, I'm wondering if you guys take walk-ins. She's like, yeah, we can actually take you right now. I said, that's perfect. Put down my two shopping bags, my medium brown bag and my All Saints bag. And I'm taking off my scarf. And I go, by the way, it's just going to be just a beard trim.

Pregnant pause. She goes, oh. Oh, okay, we can absolutely do that. Like that reaction you have when you like, you did it naturally and then you're quickly trying to cover things up. Dude. And she offers me an espresso. I said, no, thank you.

I'm a fucking man with a beard. I'll drink espressos like a Nancy. And she, then Mendy comes and gets me. And he goes, so what are we doing today? And I was like, honestly, man, I've never done this before. I don't even know how, I don't know what to say. Like, I just, I'm just trying to get, like, I'm just trying to get my beard, like, cleaned up. I don't think that's

that, like, foreign of an idea, though, if someone came in and was just like, can you clean up my beard? Do people really not do that? Not with beards like me, apparently, because Mendy hit me with the, oh. Oh, okay, we can definitely do that. Let me see how high I can go. And then, so, so, he goes, I'm like I'm like yeah like I don't even know what to say

like just like just like just trim up my beard and swear to god he looks at me like this he just goes but you want to look like you have a beard and I was like come the fuck on man I am hanging on by a thread at this point

he goes yeah but you want to look like you have a beard I am hanging on by a thread at this point. He goes, yeah, but you want to go get a beer? I go, yeah, please. I just went, yes, please. So he leans me back, and I don't think he leaned me back right because the thing your footrest is supposed to be on, maybe he did, I don't know, I've never done this before. It was like resting my feet on a knife's edge. It was one little thin piece of bar, but I didn't correct him because I didn't this before. Like, it was like resting my feet on a knife's edge. Like, it was one little thin piece of bar,

but I didn't correct them because I didn't deserve it. And so I'm laying there. You're just, like, flexing your legs. Bro, bro, complete flex. Like, just a full. I had. Totally comfortable. There are 600 muscles in the human body.

I had every single one flexed. Just nervous as hell, mid-anxiety attack, panicking. Just begging the guy to turn to Sweeney Todd and slit me. Be like, end this for both of us. You know I don't belong here. I know I don't belong here. Get me the fuck out of here. And then he's rubbing a trimmer over

my face. And you ever trim you ever vacuum a rug that was clean and occasionally you hear a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was him shaving my face, dude. It was just, okay. Occasionally you heard a hair get cut. Very, just a bunch of individual hair.

Just a bunch of motor, motor. And then as we got done, as we got done, he lifted my chair up. He fucking goes, give me a tussle. Like an uncle does to a kid. Like a little kid.

Good job, first year cut. Only thing that would have made this better is if you were in a fucking little fire engine. You in a lollipop? You in a lollipop? You in a lollipop? You were such a good boy. You were such a good boy. Oh my God. It was...

How long did it take? The whole day? No, no, no. Like the cut, like 25 seconds? 20 minutes, probably. 20 minutes? I don't... It did not take 20 minutes.

Probably... To trim your beard? It felt like a goddamn eternity. 20 minutes, probably. 20 minutes? I don't, yeah. Did not take 20 minutes. Probably, yeah. Trim your beard? It felt like a goddamn eternity. 20 minutes. You don't grow here, do you? Not really, no. It's not like you need to shave or anything. We were literally just trimming the hair.

Yeah. It's not like he was like, he didn't do shaving cream and razor or anything like that. No, he did that. He did do that. Okay. Yeah. So that, yeah. And then he did the eucalyptus, the mask.

Okay. I got it. So there was the experience. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, it looks like it always did. It doesn't look like it does.

No, but it actually in person looks better. It does? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah, by the way, I'm wearing the woke kimono. Did I say that? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks, in person, looks much, like, cleaner. Usually it's all over, you know? The picture was not a good one. It was fucking, it was a day, man. picture was not a good one. It was a day, man. It was not a fun day. I can't tell if I've been having. You know what the problem is?

Is that a scar? Where? That strip right there where your mustache ends. Right there. That white strip. I don't even know. Look at at me now that's your right side yeah no i don't know that sometimes i i have a couple spots but they're like underneath like right under yeah it does look there's like white spots i don't know what that is yeah because i i i have some scars like on my chin from like when i fell as a kid that like

there's they're small but they just don't grow hair because they're scars. But they're not like... But you see that patch there underneath the ear looks like it. Yeah, Kev. I know my beard stinks. I got one of those Instagram things to get a better beard, so make it your jokes and while you can, motherfuckers.

I'm not going down like this forever. You need a full grooming line. I'll get a fucking facial hair transplant at this point. I don't give a shit. If that technology exists, send me a link. I'm fucking done.

I'm going to go back in there and be like, hey, Mendy, I hope you got fucking head trimmers, bro. Mendy was a very nice guy if you're listening to this. It was a nice experience. I'm sorry.

I'm pretty pissed. Did he say anything about your mustache? Was he like, put your mustaches... He said the important thing here is the mustache. To be like... Not a total lost cause. You're 99% disgusted.

Someone's been in a horrific car accident and they'll never walk again. The important thing is you're alive. You've got your health. Really? Because it feels like a lot of other fucked up stuff happened. You're getting divorced. You've lost your job, but you have your health. Like, really? Because it feels like a lot of other fucked up stuff happened. Like, you're getting divorced. You've lost your job. But, like, you have your health. That's what's going on here.

Don't worry. You're not dead. You're not a dead body. But everything else sucks. Wow. Well, you know, I'm sure there's some guys out there who can relate, John. Yeah, the six of us. Yeah.

Well, no, I'm sure there's definitely plenty of guys who want to or try to grow beards who can't. And then there's definitely some guys out there who are just terrified to do anything or ask for anything or go anywhere. The too long didn't read of that story is

it's such a fucking nightmare in my head that I spent $700 on clothes to work up the and ate a value meal to work up the courage to ask someone to cut my hair. To ask someone to do the job that they want people to ask them to do. That's the nightmare of my head. Day to day basis. And probably

even better than that, they probably charge you full price for just the beard trim. You know what I mean? You're probably a dream customer. I'm the guy getting delivery from the restaurant downstairs. Same money for me and half the work. More money. I had no idea it was a tip on a beard trimmer. So you just doubled it.

I tipped him. It was $25. I tipped him $20. $25? Yeah. Knew that was coming. 100% tip. Why not?

God. knew that was coming 100 tip why not god to be like like you you you're the greatest mark of all time oh like if if people could like know that about you and harness that they could you know it honestly is like the will ferrell and and paul ruddd the shrink next door it's like Paul Rudd notices that Will Ferrell is just this mess of a man that he can take advantage of in every possible way and if anybody knew that consistently was around you they could just take you for all your worth like the guy who sold you that fucking apartment in Atlanta

well hold the fucking phone brother I just got an offer last week for a new spot in Rock Hill, North Carolina. The portfolio expands, baby. From sea to shining sea. It is Feidelberg Manifest Destiny, baby. We're getting another spot.

Think about it. I think you have to. No matter what, this could be the worst investment. I'm now becoming a slumlord for content. I think you have to. No matter what, this could be the worst investment. I'm now becoming a slumlord for content. So, yeah, I like Barstool. Who's your favorite character? Who's the guy who owns tenements all over the country? That one.

I like him. Finalberg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to do it. You're the first Barstool landlord. That's going to be your game. Charlotte area, not far. Actually, wait, by the way.

It's technically in South Carolina, but it's Metro Charlotte. That's a good one. It's North Carolina, but it's South Carolina. Don't worry. You ever wanted to live by a capital but in a different state? I got a spot for you. Is this the same guy I'm assuming? Love Charlotte, hate North Carolina.

Yeah, look at that. It's right on the state line. Right through the middle of it. You could go do a little video where you're like, I'm in North Carolina. I'm in South Carolina. Best of both worlds. Everything you love about North Carolina without the frills. But also the down-home living.

Look at the... I'd rather. I don't care. This is great. I'd rather. Yeah, look at that, man. That's currently, right? Amazing. Look at that.

Totally. Totally, dude. Coming in, baby. How much? Huh? Are you you buying this i'm not buying it i'm investing you're doing great though babe yeah you're thriving you got it you got a new piece of property living the life i haven't done my and a kimono i have to talk to my financial advisor yeah yeah you gotta do due diligence check to make sure he hasn't died of COVID yet. The kid, aside from the fact that

he got disinvited from Thanksgiving, the kid is just absolutely thriving. Is it clear to people listening to this show that I'm absolutely falling apart? Yeah, check your mentions. I think so. Yeah, I can show you some DMs. And so, you know, if you need some help, John, there's always better help.

They are always there for you where you can get online help at the drop of a hat. Like next time you're having a meltdown while you're trying to get a beard trim, you can text or call or video Skype with your fucking therapist. Next time you are getting swindled of your money to buy properties south of the Mason-Dixon line, you can get on the phone with your therapist immediately. Next time you're about to buy a $700 kimono, they've got you covered.

Oh, this is $300. $300 plus the other shit, which is like $400. Betterhelp.com is all of the good of mental health help with none of the bad, meaning you don't have to go travel to somebody's office, you don't have to sit in the waiting room and listen to those sound machines and do that awkward thing where you see other patients at the fucking elevator and it's like, what are you here for? What are you here for?

And you don't have to see anybody except you and your doctor. Whether you want to text with with them you could call them you could uh video chat with them whatever form of communication you want through technology they got you covered and uh it's totally up to you the best part is you can find a doctor uh for your customized online help within 48 hours uh so you don't have to worry about you know know, yeah, I can see you next month. It's like, well, I'm in the middle of a crisis.

So, you know, next month's not going to work. The mobile barbershop will be on. Who knows where by then? I can see you in May. No, I don't think so.

Doc may is not going to work for me. Go to better help.com. B E T T E R H E L P.com slash KFC. And you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours and get 10% off that first month of help. That's betterhelp.com slash KFC. And think about it as an investment, John. Why invest in everything else but your mind?

Why invest in North Carolina but not your own brain? South Carolina, Kevin. South Carolina, excuse me. Charlotte metro area. Excuse me. Go to betterhelp. South Carolina, Kevin. South Carolina, excuse me. Charlotte metro area. Excuse me. Go to betterhelp.com slash cage. I'm so glad I brought this up because now I have to do it as a joke.

Yep, absolutely. I mean, just right back, yes. Yeah, man. You're in. You're totally in. What do we got? Black Friday is this weekend, Cyber Monday. We've got hats.

We've got hoodies. We've got sad Monday. We've got hats. We've got hoodies. We've got Sad Boy. We've got Moon Man. We've got sneakers. We've got accessories, jackets. I mean, this is our biggest Black Friday ever, I would think. We have everything. We have, like, everything, dude.

We have sweatshirts and shit that I, I mean, we got the Knicks. I've been wearing these hats nonstop. I didn't realize these hats aren't on sale. They're not? They will be though, right? Yeah, I was like, people are going to ask me where can I get that hat, but I'm going to fucking store you, dumb idiot. Yeah, no, they're not on sale. They will be on sale Black Friday. Black Friday's coming, yeah.

All that Sad Boy shit, all on sale. The blue and this hoodie, people have been asking me for two years. We're finally selling this one. I think we got a couple ugly sweaters if you're into that. Sad Boy jackets, like I said. Sad Boy the anorak is sick. Yep.

Restocking all the old stuff, so all the plush hoodies, all the color block hoodies, the Sherpa jackets, robes. New boxers are on sale. The Moon Man lounge pants. The Moon Man joggers. I mean, the koala hoodies. We got a new one on sale. The Moon Man lounge pants. The Moon Man joggers. I mean, the koala hoodies. We got a new one on sale. You got the Feidelberg lookalike on the back

if you want one on the front. Oh, we had a ton of Taylor Swift stuff too. Yeah, Taylor Swift and Adele stuff. Fucking buy all that. Because that's going to go somewhere. I am Adele. How about Adele just flexing on Spotify, getting the shuffle button removed?

Yeah, which is such a weird thing. It's so dramatic. I don't want to listen to 30 of your songs in a row. See how long it is? I haven't listened to it because all I've listened to is Siliconic. It's so good. I think it's 30 songs. 30 songs is too many songs. Too many songs.

And what was the other thing I was going to say? Is that it's not like Spotify invented the shuffle I might have lied because it's just called 30 I don't think there's actually 30 songs yeah no there's 12 songs I thought they were saying 30 songs and I was like fuck that no 12 songs

but the it's not like Spotify invented the shuffle when you got CDs you could skip to the songs you wanted to it's not like Spotify invented the shuffle. When you got CDs, you could skip to the songs you wanted to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like you're locked in to going 1 through 12. On vinyl, you could skip to the songs you wanted. It's a little bit difficult. You've got to sit there.

It's not that hard. You can just see where the lines are? Yeah, it changes pretty drastically. This, listening to a record player, I would want to set on fire. I would hate you so, so much. It's a miracle we even do this show together. You ever think that if we didn't meet when we did meet,

if you were new Barstool and you came in like this, I'd probably hate your guts. Really? Probably. I find myself to be very gregarious. That's not what I said. I'm sure you'd be gregarious. I would just hate you. I find gregarious to be a very likable quality

Gregarious Is that your word of the day? Well gregarious means you're very talkative and outgoing Yeah, but that's a likable person No, no, no There's no one who's gregarious who isn't likable You can be an outgoing person who I don't like I find gregariousness

is often attached to likable people You're probably right, but you can be a gregarious, like, hipster asshole, and I'd be like, that's a hipster asshole. I'm not a hipster asshole. You look like one. Why? You're wearing a fucking kimono and corduroy top to bottom with a hipster mustache. Mendy loved my corduroy pants.

Mendy literally complimented me. We need to do like a Marvel what if. He said very cool. Well, then you know. Then you must know. And you got Sonnen in your hair. I would hate you, sir. Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

That would be a good what if. What if Feidelberg and KFC never got together? What would happen? I don't know what would have happened. I don't know. Probably would have just both been failures. I would say I probably wouldn't be working here. Probably be, I mean, like, dead in the gutter.

Yeah, I'd, I'd, I'll tell you what would happen. I'd have a different job. Like, if I, I probably wouldn't, like, I don't, I don't think I would have, like, done the podcast. A line cook? Yeah. I'd probably be a line cook in Martha's Vineyard. Sure. You'd probably be happier.

Probably. Yeah. You wouldn't own two sweet pieces of property, though. Yeah. So. One, no more negotiations. Don't jinx it. No, it's also, it's just so perfectly, like, fucking serendipitous that there's also something ridiculous about this one.

That it's in the Charlotte area, but it's in South Carolina. But it's in South Carolina. I love it. If it was just in the Charlotte. If this was just in the Charlotte metro area in North Carolina, I'd be out. No. If this was in North Carolina or South Carolina, out. But it needs to be so that anyone interested has to go, oh, I can't wait to live in North Carolina.

Whoa, wait. No, you're 30 minutes from Charlotte. But you're in South Carolina. And then they're like, wait, what? to live in North Carolina. Whoa, wait. No, you're 30 minutes from Charlotte. But you're in South Carolina. And then they're like, wait, what? Yeah, no, no, listen. Listen, you're really close to Charlotte, North Carolina. It's a border town. Not many people know that.

You've got to find out if South Carolina just has better taxes or something. Yeah, there's got to be some stupid reason. You want to live in North Carolina with South Carolina taxes? But the fact that you're not in Atlanta, you're not in Charlotte, it's perfect. Just keep finding me stupid, annoying places. Like whoever this is, just keep finding me places that are hard to describe, sir. Give me places that are funny. I'll buy all of them.

All right, now I have a few things I want to get through today. Let's go. Okay, so I'm trying to think. Okay, I have, like, I have one that's a big one. We'll save that for another day, I think. This one I think you're going to want to get into. I might have you read the article first. It's a long one.

So you're probably not going to want to read it. The, it is, it's about the DNA stuff that we always talk about. How we're getting framed for murder? It's something like that. Mm. I'll just, I'll just, I'll go through some topics and you tell me if you're murder. It's something like that. I'll just go through some topics and you tell me if you're interested. Let's go. You throw them out

and I'll see if I'm picking up what you're putting down. Okay. The DNA thing I just mentioned. Right. But am I into it in what regard? Well, so this is about DNA testing being used for crime solving.

And it was a very long article recently This is about DNA testing being used for crime solving. Right. And it was a very long article recently, and it was, honestly, because one of those, not often do you put down articles three separate times before you finish it, but this was a two- I took a couple of shits reading this one. But it was, so I'll give you the intro here 1983 I believe there's a murder in Seattle brutal murder

guys it's near a prison guys found head caved in they don't know who did it later the body's unidentifiable the head was so fucked up and then a father hasn't heard from a Canadian father who sent his son out looking on like a And then a father, I haven't heard from a Canadian father, who sent his son out looking on a work trip,

says, you know, I haven't heard from my son in four or five days. I think that might be my kid. He was in this van with this woman, his girlfriend. Can you do a look for that? They find the van. She's raped, killed inside. Murder kit inside.

they've decided, oh, there's a killer. Obviously, it's him, it's them, there's a murder. 1983, that happened. Still unsolved with, like, it's like a small town. Wait, I'm sorry, the kid who got his head caved in is also a victim of the murder? Yes. Okay. Yeah. He wasn't raped.

So it's a double murder. Yeah. Okay. And so, like, small town, town, this is a cold case, but pretty actively worked for the last 40 years? I don't know, 30 some odd years. This new company called Parabon where they finally reach out to this woman.

Cece Moore is her name. She's the CEO I believe of Parabon or she works there. They say, here's all the DNA we have. Because there have been a lot of inventions in crime solving since 83. And here's all the DNA we have. Here are all our files. How can you help us?

She says, I will have you the killer by the end of the week. Like three days later, she calls him. She goes, here's his name. Fucking, he was not name. Fucking his, he was not in the list of, there was 30 years worth of suspects. He was not in the list of suspects, lived right in town.

Got, they, that's, that was like the same, the Dateline thing that I watched is like, you, you, there's just so many people who have put their DNA out there that like,

even if we don't have necessarily your DNA, we can at least narrow it down. Currently there's 68% of America is their dna is identifiable it will very soon be 100 and how because i'm just because of family members doing it like you like so like i don't do my whole family does it like they have my dna basically yeah yeah if you have a even like they're going like they're going off like second cousins like they're i'm i i would guess everyone around here, we're done. Because I have basically the same DNA as my brother, my sister, my cousin. Even my cousins and shit.

Like second cousins. They can tell. I forget exactly how far. My dumbass dad spit in a fucking cup. Your dad did? Oh, yeah. You're toast. Yeah.

I think you can go back. Now I can't fucking cup. Your dad did? Oh, yeah. You're toast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can go back. I would guess most... Now I can't fucking murder anyone, dad. Fuck. But the interesting thing I found... There are a few things I found interesting in that. This is some, like... What's that one with Tom Cruise?

The precog shit. Minority Report. Minority Report. I mean, they're just going to be like... They're going to just start throwing motherfuckers in jail left and right. Well, that was the issue. That's like, they're fucking so cowardly, I guess would be the word.

Like these DNA people, where they just keep moving the goalposts on what. First it was, you cannot use it. It is unethical. And then they're like, well, maybe we'll do it for uh violent for murders and then it was like well maybe we'll do it for rape so like then it was like cleared for violent crimes i'll do it which like i get like i get sure i get why it's a very fluid line yeah yeah but the one that like really opened it up i believe it was in texas an old woman was in a church playing an organ okay

someone ran into the church choked her out real quick and then left which is an objectively funny crime like that's just fucking hilarious it's a rough Sunday to just not have she thought that they was gonna go

run into a church choke out an old woman. Or cross-face chicken wing and make her tap out and get the fuck out of there. That's fucking hilarious. Give her the guillotine and get out of there. But the, I mean, that's, honestly, that's probably the funniest violent crime I've ever heard of. Just choking out an old woman. And then, but then that one,

like, they really opened it up where it was just like, they're like, we got to find this guy. I don't know why. I don't know. An old woman. I don't know.

Like, who fucking cares? Who gives a fucking old woman? We got to find this guy. Like, it's opened up for everything. Yeah. But then,

what they did was they opened up all the DNA testing, but when opening, like, it can all be, like, they changed, they kept changing the rules

on the website but this rule changed what they did was they automatically unsubscribed everybody basically so your DNA can be used to solve any crime but you have to subscribe into that and then they unsubscribed

everyone so they've got your DNA but they can't use it because you're not subscribed? If you had previously given it. Now, if you give it, now you're agreeing to those terms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now it's like. So it used to be like, I just want my DNA for like, I want to find out my family tree. Yeah.

You know, you're not allowed to use this for my, for crime. And now it's like, if you get your family tree, you're also in the database. You're in everything. Yeah. That makes sense to me that like, if you're going to be dumb and do this, we're going to, you know, you can't be like, cause there's just no way, uh, the authorities, the government, whoever is going to be like, we've got their spit sitting right there, but we can't use it.

Cause they didn't click a box. You know what I mean? They're going to be like, no, we're fucking doing it. But then ultimately, but don't do this shit. If you don't want it to happen. What this has found out is that it has found a level of criminal that people didn't really know about that people assume didn't exist

which is the one time murder people exactly not crime of passion but kind of just like people assume that they escalate and keep going and those guys

and they think boy talk about a fucking a raw deal for that guy who's just like 30 years later thinking he's on easy street like i got away with it when they just like bro knock knock knock we caught you when they got it that honestly if i'm that guy's lawyer i'm going to court and I'm my I would be like ladies and gentlemen of the jury I mean this kind of fucking sucks right

like my defense would be this sucks like he got away with it fair and square and he's been and he's been good

for fucking 40 years good behavior get him off on good behavior 30 years of good behavior this is time served alright like 40 years of good behavior. Get him off on good behavior. 30 years of good behavior. This is time served. 40 years of good behavior.

This is unfair. This is like, you know, this is cheating. This is cheating. You can't use DNA. That's bullshit. He's like an ineligible receiver or something. You went out of bounds and then came back. You're like, no, come on.

We just can't. This sucks. If I was in the jury, I'd be like, this sucks. This fucking sucks. They I was in the jury, I'd be like, this sucks. Right. This fucking sucks. They get a solid argument here. The one-time murder is an interesting thought. People just assume it didn't happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that makes sense where it's like you kind of – I mean, it doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong. You're still fucking crazy. But the people who want to dabble in drugs and you fuck somebody crazy, you have a one-night stand you drop some acid you smoke crack one time you hop on a plane and fly somewhere You can get talked into anything and then also you know why not the anger side of you also does that but it's not like like I get passions. This is like he there was a murder kit in the van like this was like a plan What is a murder kid? I don't know like like?

Planet all out and just murdered one time yeah, and in the van. This was like a plan. What does a murder kid? I don't know what that is. Like zip ties and rope. So he planned it all out and just murdered one time. Yeah. And no connection to the people? Because when they got his DNA, originally back in the day, his semen was on his pants and all that stuff.

Idiot. And they ran into the database. Nothing. They've been arrested. Because he's a good citizen otherwise. And they think it was... And there was no connection to these people.

Just crime. Yeah, no, they were from Canada. They were from Canada. They were down like... a good citizen otherwise. And they think it was, and there was no connection to these people. Just crime, like. Yeah, no, they were from Canada. They were from Canada. They were down like, I forget, there was a guy and his daughter, a guy and his girlfriend picking up something for his father

like at work. Like, I don't remember exactly what his father did, but like, since they were driving like a white panel van, I'm guessing it was some kind of construction

or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Picking up some kind of supplies. I mean, yeah, like, you know, it's almost like you learn to like never judge someone where it's like, you know, there are people who might be alcoholics or drug addicts or like weirdo,

kinky people, like whatever. And you're like, Oh, I would, I would never have guessed it. They're like a normal person. Otherwise,

you know, it's like, and that also applies to fucking murder. Yeah. Like Jim next door. He like bashed someone's head in 83. But otherwise, it's great.

You know? Except for that. It's a little road bump. They, because they didn't have his DNA, they just followed him until he threw away a coffee cup.

Yep. That's the one I saw too. It was a cigarette butt. Really? Yep. And they like got one, but it didn't work so they just kept following him

because he just smoked like a motherfucker. Just tossed him out the window. So, you know, the real moral of the story is, well, don't give your spit or your cum anywhere. But the second moral is, like, don't throw out anything.

Don't. I mean, like, you know, that's almost, I feel like the whole world knows that now. Like, when you're in, when you're getting questioned, they're like, would you like a cup of coffee? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like, they don't fucking, they're not trying to serve you here. Bro, I almost just took that one. Like, all right. That's how they get you wow

alright another topic yeah hit me okay let's see here I was gonna do social but Josh wasn't in here

should we do it behind his back or to his face let's do it behind his back behind his back okay good week of social good week yeah

I thought hey wait Josh or week. Yeah. I thought... Hey... Wait, Josh or Zach? I thought Zach's been on it. Did I say Zach? I meant Zach. Neither of us are here. Neither of us are here, so it doesn't matter. I thought it was a fun weekend to follow KFC Radio. What did you see that you liked? Everything.

Work. Yeah. Here he is. Good weekend of social media. We're complimenting a good weekend of social media. I was going to kill myself on Friday, so he is. Good weekend of social media. We're complimenting a good weekend of social media. I was going to kill myself on Friday, so thank you. Yeah, there you go. It was a good weekend. That was the intention. We'll make him want to kill himself, and then he'll do a good job.

Guess what? You fucked yourself, because now we know you can do it. Yeah, now the bar is even high. I said when he got in earlier, I was like, the overcorrection was beautiful. The pendulum swung way too far. And now it's not just corporate media memos from KFC radio accounts. The best social media post of all had nothing to do with Zach or the account. So it was you with, I'm going to do something. The most ominous tweet from the most suicidal person I know. I'm going to do something. The most ominous tweet from the most suicidal person I know.

I'm going to do something. I was legitimately like, well, this is it. It was write a blog. Is that what it was? I wasn't sure if it was write the blog or get the beard trimmed. No, no, no. That was a full day affair. I think it was only about 40 minutes from tweet to post.

I'm going to do something. That 40 minutes was stressful. Yeah. It's like replies right back to me. You didn't even respond to the group text. That's what I was like. I actually. This started as a joke.

Something separate right when that tweet happened. And I was like waiting for a response on that. Because then I saw your text being like, hey, apropos of just want to say hi how you doing we love you um but yeah I was like yeah let's get this guy's my dad no I was just writing a blog that's not where that's at um the uh the um I'm gonna use that tweet by the way going forward and like I'm about to do just if somebody tweets something I'm going to reply with a screenshot of that i'm about to do something like um okay let's see so social we could check that one off i guess on the same topic same subject here um i understand podcasts oh good finally you you know our i industry because i don't i have listened to a podcast. No, I don't really get it.

I understand being a podcast listener. So I started listening to the Sunny podcast. And I get it now. I get everything now. I hate when they actually talk about what they want to talk about. I understand. I never got into podcasts because I don't need new friends

and then I don't like I only like conversational conversations I don't like combative shit like that so I am friends with many people who have podcasts but I can't listen to those because I put a lot of pressure on myself to be entertained by my friends so I just don't do that

and then I don't want to listen to new podcasts because I'm like I don't have that connection with those people but with Sonny I do. They're in that weird thing where I've been friends with quote unquote friends with them for long enough that I get them. I understand their vibe and all that stuff

and I'm not talking in a personal level. I'm talking about watching them on Always Sunny and so I was listening to the podcast and it's just so funny listening to them be like, they're talking about dead air. Yeah, they're going off the rails. Dude, they're talking about Charlie just has the shits because he ate queso on Sunday. That's what people want to hear from us.

Glenn and Rob are talking about their favorite whiskeys. So every episode of Always Sunny is based on an episode. to hear from us. Glenn and Rob are talking about their favorite whiskeys. And like, so every episode of Always Sunny is based on an episode. So episode one is the gang gets racist. And there is some discussion

about how that all came about and all that shit and what they think of the episode. And then episode two is Charlie wants an abortion. And then episode three is underage drinking.

And I was, man, I was laughing my fucking ass off listening to underage drinking. In episode one, they fully acknowledge it. We suck. It's funny to hear someone who... Suck his pockets. Yeah, yeah. To you truly admire and be like, we can't do this.

And then they're like, we're going to find our feet. But they're doing fake snows and off. They're like, we're going to find our feet. But they're doing fake snows and off. They're like, dead air. This is boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the thing that you do is, it's almost like you said about your beard trimming. You've never even tried to trim your beard. So if you don't try to have a good beard, you can't get in trouble for having a bad beard.

Right, right, right. It's like if you make fun of yourself. It's like trying to M&M it. You know what I mean? 8 Mile. Where it's like, if we mention that we're not good at this, then we're off the hook. You can't hold it against us. That's not how it works though.

But those guys are – like what's annoying about these people who are starting podcasts is that they are supremely talented people. And it's just a matter of like 15 minutes before that talent is applied to podcasting. So it's not that they can't do it. It's just that they got to figure it out. And it'll take them three episodes to figure it out. It'll take them five years. Right. I don't think we figured it out yet.

But there is, it's just like when they're talking about the nonsense is when I'm like, oh, okay, I get it. The nonsense is the best part. That's what I like to hear. I'm listening to my friends talk about stupid stuff. And that's what life is. That's why this podcast does thrive is because it's all stupid stuff.

Yeah. There's very rarely anything that's not stupid. I mean, very rarely. Very, very, very rarely. Almost exclusively. Yeah. But the Glenn tells a story in Underage Drinking. They're all talking about their

Underage Drinking stories, which is kind of awesome because you also have like a fucking theme to every discussion. Yeah, yeah. And so there's some Underage Drinking stories

and Glenn was telling a story when he was younger and he hung himself. Not intentionally. Jesus Christ. Dude, it is so, so he was at Catholic camp

or some Christian camp some kind of religious camp right and uh and him and his friend found a noose hanging in a barn and they kept

what they dude here's I mean legitimate question have you ever seen a noose it was it was a very western themed

uh campground or whatever he said it was in Alabama or something like that ah that's not western John that's racist yeah campground or whatever. He says it was in Alabama or something like that. Ah! That's not Western, John. That's racist.

Yeah, as you're explaining things, yeah. I was thinking lasso in my head. I'm so not racist, I wasn't even thinking, like, when I hear noose, I picture lasso. Like, why are you saying lasso? What was it? Lasso. Lasso? Lasso.

I'm so not blue collar, I don't know how to say that word.? Lasso. Lasso? Lasso. I'm so not blue collar. I don't want to say that word. A lasso. I don't think I've ever. I said lasso with a French accent. That's how fucking posh I am. A lasso. Yeah, no, that motherfucker found a lynching noose.

Yeah, no, as you say, I didn't put it together, but it sounds right. You've got to think that there probably was at some point, maybe not, maybe I'm totally wrong, but I could see a scenario where tying that knot was also useful in farming or something like that. It also just happens to be a great way to break people's necks. So there might have been a time in certain places where it's like, I know how to tie a mean noose for the cows or for the farm or whatever. And it's like, that's one skill

you don't want to fucking have. The Boy Scouts out there are like, I'm Eagle Scout. I can fucking whip this up real quick. You might want to erase that one from your fucking brain, guy. You're great. I can tie a noose.

Or maybe not. Maybe there's only one use for a noose. But I've never seen a noose. If I saw a noose, can tie a noose. Or maybe not. Maybe there's only one use for a noose, but I've never seen a noose. If I saw a noose, that would freak me out. Where the fuck did this come from? Why did you make this? If all of a sudden there was just a noose, wasn't it hanging in someone's driveway

or some shit? No, it was a NASCAR in the garage. Just even the sight of it is like, well that means somebody tied this fucking thing relatively recently. Who the fuck did that? That's scary. Yeah, man, they were like, dude, we use it as a rope to pull down the garage door. Man.

Why don't you just use the rope for it? Why don't you just tie it into a noose? That's what I'm saying. You can just tie a little bow and hook it down. So what they were doing was they were putting their... It was him and his friend. They were hanging themselves. Holding it with a rope. This doesn't sound very accidental.

And then they would go and they'd get someone and be like, come in, look what happened, look what happened, look what happened. And then they'd go, right? So they did this on and off all day. Getting new people. That is insanely stupid.

That is so stupid. I'm sure he said, I'm not sure if I remember exactly, I'm going to say young teens. And so they're going back and forth. And then it's Glenn's turn now to be up in the news. And they've both done it numerous times. And so Glenn gets up there, and his friend leaves.

And his friend couldn't find anybody this time. But when his friend came back in, Glenn was arms down, unconscious, arms by his side. So his friend, like, grabbed a table, fucking pulls him down, gets him on a table, gets a doctor. Glenn woke up like John Snuggs. Didn't know where he was, what had happened or anything. And the doctor told him what had happened was that he had hit the nerve. Yeah, like to go to sleep. He hit that right away.

So it just knocked him out. and then he was just hanging. So if his friend didn't have a pass, he's dead. Dude, that's a great story to have. Unbelievable. If you don't die from that one, that's awesome. That's something, like, I encourage the kids out there to do that but not die because then you got a story for life bro that's amazing shit uh so anyway yeah i get podcasts you get fun stories yeah and you get people talk about nonsense like that i'm never

i'm only listening to zhonya i'm not i'm not expanding my podcast world but i fucking love this i never know whether people want to hear your comments on current events, because I equally like both. When I like a person, I want to hear their thoughts on whatever the news currently is, depending on who you are, if you're smart enough or interesting enough. But I also

like when I just hear them wild off the rails talking about their own shit. Like, truly original. Tim Jones is a perfect for example he's either talking like uh you know politics and shit or like he's talking about his fucking crazy family and i think like we kind of do it here where it's like you know we're gonna talk about whatever's happening or you know fucking whatever whatever time you were raped or something to the, they're also darker than I thought. Oh, yeah?

Dude, like Charlie, they're very much, I think like everyone becomes like, your character is a more exaggerated version of yourself. I can see their character in all of them. The weirdest thing to me about the whole group is how Charlie Day is like the superstar of the gang. In real life. Is he? He's done the most movies, like the biggest blockbusters. It's always like, he's Charlie and I would say, I don't know, I think they're all

equally, I think they're all pretty equal. I feel like. It might be Rob now. I think it's Rob at any point now. I mean, none of them have done any movies on Charlie's level. I guess Charlie has. Charlie has the horrible bosses. Oh, fuck, I've got horrible bosses. Oh, fuck. I've got horrible bosses. He's got a couple blockbusters.

Was the teacher one, him in Ice Cube? Yeah, yeah. He's kind of like the funny sidekick in several big Hollywood movies. He was also in like, how many commercials was he in for the Super Bowl that one year? Yeah, that was weird. He had like six in one night. That was weird. I don't remember that.

And I think, but like. Even Rob was like, when did you shoot all these? Yeah. Because Rob came in like the next week and was like, I have no idea when he did all this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was ringing a bell. But he like, like Rob's talking about finding the dead body and calling the police. Yeah. What?

It was in Philly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was at Lemon Hill where they drink in underage drinking. Yeah. And he says, well, we call on the cops and be like, found a dead body. And that's my Philly accent. And the cops, like, they come. And he goes, nah, it's just a pile of clothes.

And he's like, no, it's a dead body. He's like, nah, it's just a pile of clothes over there. And Rob's like, no, dude. Rob's an adult. Rob's an adult. He's like, no, it's just a pile of clothes over there. And Rob's like, no, dude. Rob's an adult. He's like, no, I looked at it. I saw it. His face is shot. It's a dead body. And Charlie goes, well,

it's kind of both when you think about it. It's not not a pile of clothes. It's very good. I highly recommend it. I'm almost jealous of doing, like, when you start a podcast now and you get it. Like, everything you just described, people figure it out now, you know? So you just got to think of your best stories and come in hot with all that. You know what I mean? We've basically told all of our stories, but because we stumbled into them,

talking about other topics. Oh, that reminds me of the one time. Now you can just be like, all right, you got to tell the time that you fucking hung yourself. we've basically told all of our stories, but because we like stumbled into them talking about other topics, oh, that reminds me of the one time. Now you can just be like, all right, you've got to tell the time that you fucking hung yourself. You've got to tell the time you hung yourself. But I don't think those stories, I don't think you can plan those stories. No, you can't. I got the vibe listening to it that none of them went in thinking,

I'm going to tell this story. Because it all starts, it all comes from Glenn saying, so do you have any good drinking stories? And Rob kind of laughs. He's like, I like how you're trying to put this on some kind of track. Right. This is going to go everywhere. Yeah.

And then Rob starts talking about Lemon Hill. And he's like, actually, when I was an adult at Lemon Hill, blah, blah, blah. So maybe they're great actors, but it doesn't. I don't think we've ever had planned, like, I'm going to tell that story today. And it went well. That's the best ones that just naturally unfold. Okay, I have two more topics. Hit me.

I'm going to say two words to you. Three words to you. And oh, oh, how I hope you don't know what I'm talking about. Adriana Chechik Instagram. I mean, I know what you're... What do you mean? How am I not going to know what you're talking about? It's a recent post.

I think I saw her story recently. Mike, bring it up. Well, I saw... Wait, hang on. I got to find it. She might have deleted it. I didn't see her. It was her on Len of the Plugs.

Yup. That's what you're talking about? How she broke her neck? Yup! Adrian. Why did that come up? I actually don't think I follow either of them. Why was this on my story?

On my feed? Instagram's been doing a lot of suggestions for you lately that I don't know. I sent this to you. No, you sent me. I know of the I know the show exists So Len of the Plug has a new show called Plug Talk And

Adriana And Adriana Cechik is the first guest on it Just to set this up These are injuries Adriana Cechik has suffered Having sex And not the position I thought it would be I have a pinched nerve And yeah my C6 Adriana Cechek has suffered having sex. And not the position I thought it would be. I have a pinched nerve.

Like a wrestler. And yeah, my C6 and 7 are out of place. The disc slipped. And then my brain stem actually comes out of pocket a little bit. And I know for a fact it's pile driver from bending my head like this and having that like constant impact. So do you not do that position anymore? I mean, I try not to, but it's really hard cuz it's kind of like it's like my move Yeah, yeah, bro, I mean that that is that she's committed to the art dang shit that is that's like

That's fucking fucking fucking Ronnie Lott. Yeah. That's fucking. Just chop my finger off. Let's go. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Only it's fucking with your brain stem.

Right. That is, Adriana Cechik is a 1990s linebacker of porn stars. Right. Just like, fuck it. I know I'm going to die from it. I don't give a shit. Right. Don't need my body to science.

I just want to contact bodies. Dude, that position absolutely would destroy your neck and brain. If you do that position more than like once in your whole life, that's something you do to check off and be like, I did it. Yeah. The guy doing it, you're like doing that squat thing. The girl doing it is like, oh, my God. Okay, we did it.

We're done. It's over. She does it like every fucking time. I'll be honest. i also don't know if i would have said that's her if you asked me move oh i don't know if she like it's all her move yeah yeah it's her it's all i would say like three dicks in your ass yeah i would i would say too many cock and ass is like the chechik move that's what i would say like it's just entirely too much spit is an Adriana move. We are in contact with Adriana, too. She'll be on the show eventually.

When the geography of it all works out, we will be on the show together. That clip, I was aghast. When she says, because I was like, oh, wow, she's never going to do a fucking pile driver anymore. No, no, no. She didn't stop it. She was like. She is like a wrestler. Well, I try to stop.

Dude, like that, honestly, Adam says it best. Like, that is like a wrestler who it's like, if you do another tombstone pile driver, like, you're going to die. And it's like, well, that's what the fans need, man. I got to jump off the top rope. Like, mankind. Like, I got to get hit in the head with a chair. I got to throw myself on the top of the LMSL. That's what they're expecting.

She is the ultimate. Meanwhile, it's like, Adrian, no, it's okay. We'll just watch you get fucked every other way. You don't need to fuck with your brain stem, girl. Like, the porn world needs to step in and be like, hashtag, thank you, Adriana. And be like, we don't need you to break your fucking vertebrae anymore. Adriana, we've done enough for us. We want you around for a long time, a good time.

Right. I'll make Adriana Cechik a solemn promise right here. If you never do Piledriver ever again, I will still watch every scene you do. That's a problem I will not end an Andrew Alcicic scene with a fucking belly full of cum belly butt full of cum thinking I wish you got pile of gum

as a matter of fact now if I see her doing pile of driver but the whole time I'll be thinking that poor girl's neck her brain stem is fucked come on I'm probably not. Well, I'm going to come. But the whole time I'll be thinking that poor girl's neck. Your body. It's all out of whack. Her brain stem is fucked.

Come on. Let her up, dude. Let her go up for some air. Fuck. Last topic? I'm going to salute you. Last topic. Yeah. Last topic.

I've got a real problem with a certain group of people. And I'm fucking done. Johnny Genocide over here? I would genocide these people. And, um, fucking... Johnny Genocide over here? I would genocide these people, yeah. Whoa. Fart announcers. The people who fart when they're announcing? No.

Oh, because that happened last time when they sent in a football. No, people... People who are like, I'm going to fart. No. What is a fart announcer? People fart call-a-routers. How about that? Oh,. With people who are like, I'm going to fart? No. What is a fart announcer? People fart call-a-routers.

How about that? Oh, okay. People who are like, something stinks. Did you fart? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, something stinks. So you farted recently.

My fucking sister did this to me at dinner Saturday night. So you farted at dinner and got called out. My fucking sister did this to me at dinner Saturday night. Oh, you shouldn't be farting at dinner, you animal.

What happened? It just came out, man. You're having a nice fucking meal. Okay? Yeah, these are all the reasons why you shouldn't be farting at dinner, you animal. What happened? It just came out, man. You're having a nice fucking meal, okay? Yeah, these are all the reasons why you shouldn't be farting. We don't call someone out for a fart, okay? You fucking, bro, I'm sitting there, fucking little fart sneaks out, okay? I'm already. Little SBD.

I'm already so embarrassed. It doesn't even smell that bad. It's not like a. Well. No, it didn't. It was a noticeable shift in the air, but it wasn't like fucking...

It wasn't like napalm had been dropped, okay? It was a little... You're at a restaurant or at home? I'm at a restaurant. Oh, jeez.

And I was like... It was just a little fart. I had a little fart. And... And I already immediately started sweating. I'm like, oh, this sucks.

This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. Just because I'm embarrassed. Yeah. Okay? And everybody knows it's you. And not everyone, oh, this sucks. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. Just because I'm embarrassed. Yeah. Okay? And everybody knows it's you. And not everyone could smell it.

Just my sister could. In fact, my mom was sitting on the other side of me. She was like, I can't smell anything. Because my sister goes. She was downwind. She just goes, something stinks. And like, yeah, man. You just saw me whack fucking three scallops racked in prosciutto.

You saw me whack tilapia. You saw me whack shrimp. You saw me whack gnocchiutto You saw me whack tilapia You saw me whack shrimp You saw me whack gnocchi You saw me whack The rest of your fucking Well now I'm on her side Because you were just Being irresponsible

Because everyone was Giving those I ate You ate the whole fucking Under the sea bro You ate everything in the ocean I was at dinner with four women They were all like

I can't finish I was like Fucking pass it over here You farted at a table With four women They were related to all of them. They all took the 23 in me. They're going to fuck me on DNA sometime down the road.

I'm getting it while I can. And so she's like, something stinks. I'm like, yeah, we're all adults at this table. Sometimes farting happens. We know what a fart smells like. There's no reason to embarrass the farter. They're already embarrassed enough. Let the fart linger.

Continue the conversation. It'll be gone in a minute. Smell is the most sensitive fucking sense. You'll get used to the fart. Even if you live in this fart for the rest of your life, you'll be used to it in seconds. So shut up and just let it happen. I am with you.

See, this all depends on if you're the fart her or the fart E. Dude, I've been the fart E a million times where I just shut my mouth. I do too, but we need someone out there to shame farters. Otherwise, we become a fart-free society. We become like free the fart, like everyone farts. I don't want to live in farts. There needs to be a healthy dose of embarrassment of farting. I think that's just, I think we're born with it.

It's like original sin. Well, then we got to keep it going. I think as a baby, I don't remember it, but I think as a baby I'd fart. I'd be like, oh my God, this is a fucking nightmare. They do say that the reason why fart humor is so funny forever is because it's like the first thing that you're like taught to be like embarrassed about as a little kid. Really? Like poop and shit and farts and stuff is like, you know, it's like taboo in a way or whatever when you're taught to be embarrassed about as a little kid. Really? Poop and shit and farts and stuff is like taboo in a way

or whatever when you're a kid. I think it's like, actually, you just know it. You know this is the stuff. But I don't know. If you just got away with farts for like 30 years, you probably would just start farting. You're right. But I think it's, I think once you're in,

I think adulthood, it's listen. Listen, we all know what the fuck that stink is. It's going to be gone soon. There's also just something of like a... I'm not intentionally farting. I'm not fucking having you pull my finger. I'm not dialing the fucking horn. I like whoever denied it supplied it.

Whoever smelt it dealt it. It's funny as a kid. No, it's funny forever. I mean, it's... That's why I like... So denied it supplied it. Whoever smelt it dealt it. It's funny as a kid. No, it's funny forever. I mean, it's... That's why I like, like, so the fart happened. And now I have to act like it wasn't me? Yeah, but then it's almost like playing rock, paper, scissors, where it's like you got to play, like,

do they know that I know that they know that I know? Where it's like, should I act like I did it? Because then I look like I'm guilty, but if I act like I did it, then I'd be like, what are you talking about? But then you can just go back and forth forever and ever and ever. Do we all need this much anxiety? That's why the best way, well, the best way to be innocent of farting,

I mean, obviously, first thing, don't fart, right? But if you're going to. Well, it's going to happen. Second of all, just don't be a disgusting garbage disposal of a human funneling all sorts of different fish into your mouth. I was literally just shifting places. They were probably like, yeah, you want some of this fucking

tilapia? He's going to fart. Here, have my Chilean sea bass. He's going to fucking fart. Bro, you can't feed the animals. There's a sign out there. Don't feed the animals. The animals a sign out there. Don't feed the animals. It exists for a reason. Fucking pass gas.

See, this is why we need to shame you, because you're like, yeah, I'm a fucking pass gas. Well, it's funny when I'm telling a story. I was trying to shrink into a little ball. I was so embarrassed. I hate farting. But sometimes it happens, because I'm a human being, and I have feelings. Don't shame me about them. By the way, speaking of that dinner, real quick, I texted you this.

My mom got a text at that dinner. I guess it's from like a charity she's donated to or something like that. And this is their marketing campaign they do. It's clearly a scam, not charity. Well, it's like it has a link to donate more below. She's so fucking blind that you can't see the full text. She had the full fucking sign, like size 24 font on. It says, this is the text she gets.

It's 730 Saturday night. Hi, it's Chase Yarborough, and I was shot six times at my high school in Santa Fe three years ago. I still live with four bullets in my arm, back, head, and heart. She just showed that to me in the middle of a fart. Not now, mom. Fart. My sister's like, does it stink? My mom's like, check out this text. I'm like, get me the fuck out of here. God, your family

sit is always so weird. So fucking bizarre. Alright, now that Finalberg's done with his topics, the Finalberg topics of the day inside that fucking Sid is always so weird. So fucking bizarre. All right. Now that Finalberg's done with his topics, the Finalberg topics of the day inside that fucking fun house of a brain is we got to do voicemails. We got to do top fives, our interviews. But first it is Tuesday,

which means it's time for your NFL roundup. And yet again, another edition of Jacked Up. Jackie is remote today uh so this will be the first ever uh on her own jacked up all right week 12

week 11 week 11 there you go jackie jacked up three minutes on the clock let's go okay i'll start with jets obviously um flaco started Jacked up three minutes on the clock. Let's go. Okay. I'll start with jets. Obviously Flacco started and yeah, or he was a quarterback this game.

He didn't play so well. There was like one and like really embarrassing tackle or he got it. And then he like, what was, oh, he got sacked and then um he like then they took the ball but then it was embarrassing because then am i frozen because you guys are we're not frozen we're just we're just powerful yeah we're just we're just frozen in time you guys are like definitely frozen on my okay whatever okay um uh but that's okay so he he's embarrassing he fell then the dolphins picked it up and then they fell and then it was just a mess which is just very um appropriate for dolphins versus jets jets lost dolphins won um and that was that. And that really was like the best breakdown of a Dolphins-Jets game I've ever heard.

That's just how it goes. It's just how it goes. And then, okay, Packers, that game. So Packers-Vikings, we're getting close to the end. And the Packers almost have like Aaron Rodgers is doing his thing. And then there was a chance that they were going to give him time on the clock. Number one thing you're not supposed to do. And then they didn't,

and then they didn't give it to him. You know what happened? They almost gave like Aaron Rodgers gave them too much time. Yeah. Aaron Rodgers scored so fast on that first play. Like it was like, okay, Aaron Rodgers, two-minute drill. It only took one fucking play. And then somehow, yeah, so.

Aaron Rodgers gave Kirk Cousins too much time on the clock. Too much time on the clock could kill you, though. Right, Jackie? What the Vikings did do, though, is they, like, at the end, it got close because they had a little interception, which we said last week not to do. And then it almost, like, made it, like, have the Packers ball, but then it they had a little interception which we said last week not to do and then it almost made it have the Packers ball

but then it wasn't even an interception but it got close there but they got pretty lucky and then you know what I think is really hot is Justin Herbert yeah he's dreamy I think he was sexy how did he grow his hair back so fast

when they cut it he shaved his head back so fast? When they cut it. He shaved his head, right? Last year. And now he's got the full flow again. Even if you let it grow for like a year, it should be out the back of your helmet. Late season too. That was like at the end of the season.

It's only all the way back. He honestly is fucking awesome. I didn't see the guy. It was last night, right? Yeah, I was at WLB last night. Oddly enough, watched fucking Southern Air football like every snap. Jackie didn't see the guy. It was last night, right? Yeah, I was at WWE last night. Oddly enough, watched fucking Southern Air Football like every snap. Jackie, tell us about that.

Well, so it was a close game. It was 34. I'll just break down the end. 34, 37, right? And then, well, before, okay, pretty much it was 34, 37. And then 34 being the

whoever they were playing against the sealers yeah yeah and then they they um justin herbert i guess he just threw a touchdown at the end but there was like two minutes left yeah and then and then they ended up winning but he um he's just like really really a good looking guy and i enjoy watching him um and then cowboys chiefs chiefs back patrick holmes back just like i said last week um and um oh the chiefs usually have a notoriously bad defense, but this time they were pretty good. Dak Prescott was just demolished by their defense.

Maybe you could call him Sack Prescott. Oh, you could call him Sack Prescott. Did you just come up with that? That one's free, Jackie. What? You can have that one for free. Okay, okay. So they call him Sack Preston.

I just gave up that. And he, oh, wait, wait, wait. I shouldn't be doing notes, but he, oh, interception. And sacks, two interceptions, one sack. I think that might be the wrong guy, but I'm pretty sure. He just didn't play well, and it was a good turnaround for the Chiefs. And then Texans-Titans. The Titans love to lose to bad teams.

That was a big upset. Similarly, the Colts beat the Cowboys? No. No. No. Nope. It was the... AFC East. It puts a new team atop the AFC East.

The Colts beat the... Oh, Bills. And Jonathan Taylor. Yeah. Five touchdowns. Nope. The most touchdowns. Do you say no? I thought him and Eckhart the same amount. Nope. The most touchdowns. Do you say no?

I thought him and Eckhart the same amount. Sorry. Keep going. Sorry. Yeah, you know, I have two questions. Jacked up. What am I doing here? Yeah.

I admittedly didn't watch. Please. Is it called fight stuff or jacked up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My sincere apologies. So I'm pretty sure five touchdowns. But, I mean, I guess John says no. Somebody fact-checked that bum for

sure and then oh and he but also the thing is and again i don't know if this is an original thought this is not something that i heard from any sports commentator but it seems like he's really good at just taking it for himself and running the ball to the end zone i don't know a good phrase for that but just like he, he takes it. He carries the team on his back. He doesn't need nobody. He doesn't need nobody. He carries the team on his back though.

Your, your professional analysis was that the guy who scored five touchdowns is good at scoring touchdowns. Yeah, no, he doesn't need nobody. He doesn't need nobody. If you technically break it down,

that is what I said but i mean like he like when i was looking at the stats and everything like he wasn't throwing it to people to receivers or anything he was just well yeah he's not a quarterback oh okay well still he was just taking on he wasn getting it from, he wasn't even getting it from any quarterback then. That's even better. He was just taking it like, he just did it himself. That's what's up.

Did they run a wild card? No, I don't know. Okay, I actually don't. I think, I'm pretty sure the quarterback was handing him the ball. Yeah. Okay, the point is that, like, he's that he just seems like he's doing a good job. He's definitely in the consideration for MVP, so he's doing an awesome job.

That's for sure. I apologize. I don't know why I'm speaking up. Again, I did nothing but trim my beard and watch wrestling yesterday. Why don't you just write down while the real fucking football expert is speaking? Thank you very much. That's pretty much it. I guess

let's just check. Oh, Michael Badgley is also really hot. He's a kicker for the Colts. He's a kicker for the Colts? Yeah. I was going to say, who the fuck is Michael Badgley? That makes sense. Alright, so that's

week 11 of Jacked Up, and we've decided to be on the lookout for Jackie's picks, which will be appearing on the Barstool Sportsbook. I don't know anything about gambling. You think I don't know anything about football? I really don't know anything about gambling. Jackie,

have you watched the gentlemen who work for our company gamble? They don't know anything either gambling. Jackie, have you watched the gentleman who worked for our company gamble? They don't know anything either. No, no, no. But like I didn't, you can ask Pavs this. I didn't know what a pick was. You know, we know that. Yeah.

We know. But that's what's amazing. I guarantee you that Jackie's picks will probably hit at a relatively normal like gambling clip for everyone else here. I advise that nobody picks what I pick. We're going to make you picks like the don't leave time on the clock pick or the Aaron Rodgers is good or do the Jets do well pick. It'll be very simple.

Can I do like Justin Herbert, going to look fine as hell next week? Well, I don't know if we can gamble on that, but we'll figure out something for you and your Justin Herbert, quite for sure. Jacked up, coming to the Barstool Sportsbook near you. If you are in a state that allows gambling, download the Barstool Sportsbook to see Jackie

and ride with her or fade her. West Virginia live now. So if you're down there, you can get involved and place your bets. And that was a beautiful rendition of Jacked Up. Jackie, thank you very much. Thank you. Miss you guys.

Miss you too, Jackie. Okay, let's bring in Hannah now. Shut up! Shut up! Yeah, we're going to cut all that. The real one. Real quick, before we move on, I mentioned

WWE last night. No appearance of The Rock, huh? I was talking about this with my cousin on the train home. How would you handle that? If there's all those rumors. And you're The Rock? No, if you're WWE. I was on the subway home, and people were filming screaming.

Being like, what the fuck do we do all that shit for? So if you're WWE, once the pay-per-views come in, I'd be like, by the way, The Rock's not here. I was going to say, you know what? It's honestly like TV shows when fans come up with crazy theories. And it's like, listen, man, I'm telling you, that the way, The Rock's not here. I was going to say, you know what? It's honestly like TV shows when fans come up with crazy theories and it's like, listen, man, I'm telling you, that's not what's going to happen here. I'll tell you what, I don't know if you saw, I imagine you didn't watch it. What happened with the egg?

That's what I'm saying, the egg. What is the egg? Because the egg is also, it was a Can I interest you in an egg? It was a piece of art, right? It's a $100 million piece of art that Vince owns. The Rock, in red notice, is an art thief. So everyone's like, we're all in art that Vince owns. The Rock in Red Notice is an art thief. So everyone's like, we're all in the stadium. We're like, it's going to be The Rock who stole it.

Well, maybe. Because they kept running advertisements for Red Notice in the stadium, too. Maybe The Rock is going to make an appearance. It just started at EMAV or just the next pay-per-view or whatever. But the... I would be like, look, he's not here. I don't want to tell you.

Right, right. Because everyone's pissed. That's like when you, if you're going to go away, like, with your girlfriend to Paris, be like, listen, you're not getting the engagement ring. Right, right, right. Like, I'm telling you right now, we're going to go to the Eiffel Tower. I don't have a ring. I'm not proposing.

Don't get your hopes up. Yeah, exactly. Don't think The Rock is coming out tonight. But the. Literally, The Rock. The two other, the Two things that were more outrageous Than the rock not showing up One

Not a piece of fucking candy In Barclays Center Did a full walk around Checked every fucking vendor No one sold Motherfuckers wanted a bag of M&M's No M&M's Second crazy thing

I'm buying I'm getting in In line to get I got like a chicken sandwich Something like that. I mean, it's so hard. Barclays is hard, man. I just wanted a fucking hot dog.

I just wanted some arena food. It's like banh mi, chicken sandwiches. It's just like you can have those things. We've got to have the staples. But they can't be the common spot. Like, yeah, sure, have a banh mi, have a sushi, whatever. But like, I don't know. It's B-A-H-N-M-I.

Oh, I've seen that. It's B-A-H-N-M-I. It's like some kind of... Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. But those were every one. Catch one hot dog, man. So I'm in line, and this kid asked me, he's like, you in 117? And I was like, nah, I'm in fucking... I said I'm in section F.

I didn't even know another section to say. I was on the floor. I was fucking two rows from the fucking thing. I'm in the ring, motherfucker. Yo, my seat said Final Burn, bitch. Yeah, yeah. I got a signed seating at an arena. And I kind of panicked

and didn't want to say, like, section one, whatever. And I was like, ah, I'm in section like F something. And he's like, he's like, oh shit, you're on the floor? And I was like, I guess, yeah. And he goes, he's like oh shit you're on the floor and i was like i guess yeah and he goes let me get your ticket and i was like ha ha no no and he's like he's like not for real like let me get your ticket and i was like i was like i was like nah like i can't i got it like it's through work it's like why would you give him why would he get your ticket and he's

like he's like but let me like he's like dude, dude, I'm a lifelong fan. Let me just get your ticket. What does this mean? And I was like, no, I can't give you my ticket. I can't. And he's like, but let me just. Let me just jerk off with you. He goes, all right, let me just take a picture of it on my phone. And I was like, nah, nah, nah.

I'm trying to play it. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And he's like, all right, man, all right. And then we stand there silently again for a couple of seconds, lines long. And he's like, but come on, let me get the ticket. What the fuck? And I was like, nah, man, I can't. I kind of got a little more stern, which is not very stern at all. And I was like, nah, man, I can't give you my ticket.

And he's like, all right, all right. I got to ask one more time, man. Can I get your ticket? And I left. I got out of line. I was like, fuck it, man. I got to. Absolutely.

I'm not this hungry. This kid's not getting it. I got to just leave this line. He thought you were just going to let him sneak down and find another seat. Find another seat down there, yeah. Wrestling creatures are weird, let's be honest. Wrestling people are weird. Fucking weird.

He wasn't trying to be intimidating. He was a little fellow. He wasn't intimidating. Let me get your ticket. It was like, let me get your ticket. Whoever he was with, he was just going to bail on and just go wander down on the floor seats. It was wild. You should have just punched him in the fucking face.

That's not... Shut the floor seats. It was wild. You should have just punched him in the fucking face. That's not... Shut the fuck up. That guy sucks. That guy's worse than the ice cream jerk-off guy. And that's saying a lot. You have the worst interactions, man. I know.

You have just bred this thing. I can go up to Feidelberg and say anything to him because he won't do anything bad. Which is helpful in storytelling and in content. Yeah, this crazy shit happened. It makes my fucking day-to-day life a living nightmare.

We have to get to the second ad of the podcast. Of five. Second of five. Can I take a piss real quick? Yeah. Top fives today is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Of five. Second of five. Can I take a piss real quick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah? Okay. Top fives today is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Sleep is the most important thing that you can get, especially as you get older.

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Get it right, bitch. It's a kimono with my lasso. Yesterday was the anniversary of John F. Kennedy getting his head blown off. It was crazy, man. I was in bed for an hour when I woke up this morning. I saw 70 tweets about the butt fumble, 100 tweets about Scott's stab. No one mentioned JFK to the point that I saw Peter Gammon's tweet about it.

And I was like, oh, Gammon's going crazy again. Because Gammon has a lot of fucking wrong tweets. He needs to hang him up. Nobody needs to hang him up more than Peter Gammon. And I was almost embarrassed to send that tweet. Would you have been able to tell me what month JFK was in that set? What did he say? He just told the story of how he found out.

But I was like, oh, Gamow. He wasn't assassinated. No, I would have been able to tell you that. The month or the day? The month. I wouldn't have told you either. I would have guessed the 23rd. Huh?

It's the 22nd, right? Yeah. Yeah, because there's that book that Stephen King wrote and the show is 11, 22, 63 right so I think I would 63 I thought the 3 was with so I would have been close

I would have got the 11 I wouldn't have gotten anything else but Scott Stapp the all time best Thanksgiving halftime performance Creed Take You Higher in the jersey with that guy flying on the fucking acrobat. Just fucking bliss. Glennie Ball said it best.

We are not worthy. And the buff fumble is more tragic than Kennedy getting his head blown off. That's just straight up. That's a fact. That's a fact. One guy's head got blown off. One guy's head went up. Someone's asshole.

You tell me what's worse. So we're going to do top five assassinations of all time in honor of JFK. Did you guys see Trill's Instagram post today, Tyler? Oh, my God. It was the fucking George W. Bush with the baseball. Darren Revell. Kennedy gets that blown off. I mean, that's one of the all-time bad tweets from – you know what, though?

I think people overrate how bad of a tweet that was. It's like a – it's an insensitive and, like, graphic tweet, but, like, I don't know. It's the fucking anniversary. It's crazy to put footage of someone's head getting blown off. But it's not like – Darren Revell didn't take the video. Right. Darren didn But it's not like... Darren Bell didn't take the video. Right. Darren didn't pull the trigger.

Yeah. Darren didn't film the video. Yeah. And I think that the Ruth Conda type tweets are worse, where it's like people were trying to do something clever or funny or whatever. It's like, I don't know. He's a fucking autistic weirdo who doesn't get that you can't put footage of someone's head getting blown off. Like, if he...

If someone else did that, he'd be crushing them. No, he just never owns stuff. Mm-hmm. Where, like, afterwards... If someone else did that, he'd be crushing them. No, he just never owned stuff. Yeah, afterwards... You're right, that was ridiculous. Right. Afterwards,

it was all about defending and digging his heels. What was his, like, it's never a good time? Someone was like, Jesus Christ, 7 o'clock in the morning.

I crack open Twitter and this is what I see. It's never a good time to talk about the assassinations. We're not having a conversation about... It's not like you're like,

I'm here to have a conversation with Charles Barkley. We're going to have a conversation. You just post the video and get retweets. That's all you're doing. Right, right, right, right. That's what we're all doing here. Who gives a shit? Stop trying to pretend it's more than that.

All right, I'm going to go first. I'm not picking JFK. Yeah, not me neither. I didn't even have my list. Because you know what? That day, that's not about... That whole thing is not about JFK getting assassinated. That's about Lee Harvey Oswald getting assassinated.

If Lee Harvey Oswald doesn't get shot, it's not even that big of a conspiracy. I'm learning. I don't really know much about this. So Lee Harvey Oswald was also killed. Oh, yeah. Jack Ruby runs up on him and fucking shoots him on camera. I don't,

uh, maybe not the same day cause he's like cuffed and shit. So they probably had like maybe a couple of days later. I don't know when they, whenever they found Lee Harvey Oswald, they're like bringing him into, I think the police station or it's at the police station. And Jack Ruby just runs up and he's like,

pow, pow, pow. And that's what made it be like, well, wait a minute. They had to whack this guy cause he's going to talk about, you know what I mean?

Otherwise it would have just been like, I't know yeah this crazy fucking guy doesn't like him and he just you know killed the president i i know i guess it's like you know you're not supposed to talk about uh comics bits outside of their act but santino has a joke about that where he's like you know you know nobody's getting assassinated he was he was talking about trump he's like can you believe that nobody you know you He's like, we at least used to try. You know, people would run out and I tried. I tried my hardest. It's a very funny bit.

But, yeah, without Lee Harvey Oswald getting killed, none of that even becomes a conspiracy theory. That's just like, yeah, the president, people don't like the president, so they fucking killed him. That happened all the fucking time back in the day. So that's when it became a whole big thing. Big thing, killing people. You didn't like.

Huge thing. Huge to do. Okay, who you got? You're first. Jesus. That was going to be my. I went with the vein of JFK, but yeah. Yeah, Jesus is a big one.

Jesus? Jesus. I did him at the live show. I had him as my top death of all time. Oh, that's right. It makes no sense that he wouldn't be the top assassination, but whatever. I think I said, like, the

butterfly effect or the meme of the one little thing knocking down things is like, you could do that, the meme, Jesus is assassinated, the little thing. Mm-hmm. Mark Ruffalo wins an Oscar. Yeah. Wait, why Mark Ruffalo wins an Oscar.

Yeah. Wait, why Mark Ruffalo? Spotlight. Spotlight, yeah, sure. Sure, yeah. Jesus' assassination directly led to Mark Ruffalo getting an Oscar. At his Oscar speech, he should have been like,

I want to thank Jesus Christ. And now, what do you think I'm saying? I'm not giving all praise due to Jesus. I'm saying, that guy, Jesus Christ, he's the reason I got this today. So thank you. That's a big time butterfly effect. I'll go with Julius Caesar. Because I want to say, maybe not the first time ever,

but pretty much he popularized getting stabbed in the back, right? That was the whole thing, right? Brutus fucking stabbed in the back. So without that, do we even really have the phrase, you backstab or you stab me in the back? Good point. Yeah, right? I'm sure, yes, people have been stabbed in the back before,

but that was the most famous one. And then, like, et tu, Brute? You too, Brutus? That guy, Brutus, won an asshole. Big time asshole move. Like, Jesus Christ. Two famous lines about being a son of a bitch came from you. Big time.

Backstabber. You really sucked, dude. All right. Franz Ferdinand. That was on the list for sure. Archduke Ferdinand. Started a whole fucking world war. Oh, I was going to say, we don't get Take Me Out. Take Me Out?

Take Me Out. It's a song by the group. Wait, what song? It's a song by the band Franz Ferdinand. If Archduke Ferdinand doesn't get assassinated, these guys don't have a clever enough name

to get famous, and I never hear Take Me Home. I am using assassinations that benefit me only. I like Spotlight. I like that song. Wait, what is this song?

I know I've heard the damn Franz Ferdinand before. I say, don't you go, you say you don't know. I say, take me out. Yeah, we'll play it real quick. Yeah, take me out. Franz Ferdinand. Maybe I don't know it.

Yeah, you know it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This is the official song of car commercials. I feel like every fucking car is that fucking thing. Hey, me, yo. Franz Ferdinand, you think we're modest mouths, but we're not.

Yeah. Dead on. I'm going to go Bob Marley. Whoa, he's assassinated? I mean, you're going to tell me he died of toe cancer or something? Yeah, fucking right. What's the reason for assassinating him? CIA killed that motherfucker.

Really? Yeah. He had that subversive music, man. He was starting the fucking revolution. He was smoking weed, man. He was starting the fucking revolution. He was smoking weed, bro. He was a problem for the government. And they pricked him with a needle that infected him and he died.

Something like that. That's the rumor, huh? I think there's something crazy. He was playing soccer barefoot in Jamaica. Something like that. Look it up, Pat. Something about toes and needles. This is the one that's something like that. Look it up, Pav. Something about toes and needles and, you know.

This is the one that's really fleshed out. Wait. Yeah. Infecting. I didn't know you could infect someone with cancer like this. But they did it, okay? They got him with the cancer needle. They gave him toe cancer when he was playing soccer in Jamaica.

Read it out loud there, Pabs. What does it say there? The conspiracy theory part. Let me start at the top. This claim is several years old, but a 2019 post to Instagram recently regained and renewed attention. This page... I'm not seeing anything here. But I know his dad didn't like him. That's part of the

conspiracy theory. Oh, yeah? Why the hell are they in the conspiracy theory? Right here. Okay, yeah, yeah. Adding fuel. Before the cancer diagnosis, Marley was shot in the chest for supporting Jamaican Prime Minister Michael Manley, according to The Guardian. How about that? Bob Marley just ate a bullet to the chest?

They don't really tell you that one. It's like, yeah, he probably got fucking assassinated. They just shot him two weeks ago. They just tried to kill him. Yeah. They had a failed assassination attempt and then he ended up dead. They shot him in the chest and he died of hospital cancer. Yeah. So wait, did this ex-CIA guy make a deathbed

confession or not? He said he didn't. He said he didn't do it? He said he didn't do it. Likely story. the... Wait, Bob tried on the shoe and screamed out, ouch. So this guy gave him a pair of shoes. Yeah, that's what it was. Put his shoe on and he got pricked with a cancer needle. And they found a pointed copper metal in the top part

of the shoe. They immediately thought it was radioactive or poisoned. This sounds like a dude who's really high. He tried to kill me, man! Radioactive copper got me! There's a much better way to kill people than... Radioactive copper in your shoes? Giving them a pair of shoes with clearly a needle in it.

I don't know, man. I feel like that's a good way to get somebody at the bowling alley, you know? Be like, ah, I got pricked by a cancer needle. I don't know. Anyway, Bob Marley assassinated, no doubt. Lennon. John. You know, I don't like John Lennon.

Yeah, that's why it's a good assassination. Yeah. True. True. Shout out to that guy. Yeah, that guy just got out, right? Oh, yeah. He did, or he's up for parole or something like that.

Just look at, John Lennon looks like, just so smug. He looks like a dude to shoot. Yeah, there he looks like Jesus. It's just like, you know, I just want to kill that guy. Yeah. I just look at that guy, and it's just like, I want to kill him. Yeah, it's not even like an anti-Beatles thing. That's part

of it for me. I don't like the look of him. I don't like anything about him. I don't like his smile. I don't like when he doesn't smile. I don't like his glasses. I don't it for me. I don't like the look of him. I don't like anything about him. I don't like his smile. I don't like when he doesn't smile. I don't like his glasses. I don't like his sunglasses. I don't like his hair. Did you know the Beatles were broken up by the time they were 27?

I did know that, yeah. I didn't know that until I learned on the Always Sunny podcast. Oh, yeah? Look at that. Look at that with those stupid glasses. I just want to shoot that guy with a gun. I wish I had the courage that one man had. Abraham Lincoln. Good one.

Yeah. That's, to me, that's the OG. Which maybe he's not. Did anyone get assassinated before him? Yeah. Fuck. Did anyone in like three? No, no, no.

President. I meant president. Oh. Like three of them. Really? Those guys really don't him? Yeah. Fuck. Did anyone in like three? No, no, no. President. I meant president. Oh, like three of them. Really? Those guys really don't get any love. No. I knew there was other ones, but I figured they were all. Yeah, that's that.

You want a lot of love for a business? Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Free slaves. Because, yeah. I mean, relatively speaking, Abe is kind of, you know, after him is like almost the 1900s. So, yeah. There's got to be.

What was it? Taft got assassinated. McKinley got assassinated, right? Taft died in a hot tub. You've been doing this for this long? This segment for this long? And you haven't realized I don't know shit about history?

Taft died in a tub. Taft just got stuck in a tub. Yeah, Taft died in a tub. He was too fat. He died in a tub. Somebody pointed out, we've been talking about Taft a lot lately. A lot, a lot.

The only thing we know is... He died in a tub. He got stuck in a tub. No, he died in a tub. Say it right. He died in a tub. McKinley got assassinated, right? No, Polk got assassinated.

I forget. One of them, like his entire cabinet, it was like a coordinated... Yeah. They tried to kill everyone. One guy survived. They tried to stab him in the throat. No. But because of an earlier assassination attempt, his neck was broken.

So he had a neck brace on, and they used to make him out of metal. So they stabbed it. and it came off, and then they killed the assassin. Wow. That all could be bullshit. I'm pretty sure I remember. Zachary Taylor. He got killed, right? Zachary Taylor plays linebacker for the

Dolphins. What happened? He died on the toilet. He got shot? No, he just, I think, just illness. Just died on the toilet. Well, who else No, he just, I think, just illness. Just died on the toilet. Well, who else got assassinated for fuck's sake? There's only, Abe Lincoln was the first. He was the first.

And then it goes Garfield. When did Garfield get assassinated? In 1881. Wow, that's pretty late. Yeah, 1865 was the first. That's Abe Lincoln. Garfield's the second, 1881. Anybody else in the 1900s besides

JFK? No. McKinley, 1901. Okay, so right there. Why did he get assassinated? McKinley? Yeah. Didn't Roosevelt get shot then finish his speech? He's a gangster. So is Reagan. Reagan

got shot, or at least, did he ever get hit? He got hit, but he survived, right? Yeah, he got hit, but then the next thing is a balloon pop. The balloon pop. That's all-time gangster. That's when you realize that all of these presidents, you know, you can right, left, whatever. All these guys, like, they got it. You know what I mean?

They got that, like, swag. Well, Reagan was a hot actor. Yeah, that's true. So he was the ultimate. Him, who's your all-time, it's like Reagan, JFK, who's your all-time swaggy presidents? Bro. You don't know. I am the poster child for like.

Bro. Stop asking me questions about presidents. I don't know anything about them. You know how they say if you don't learn history, you're bound to repeat it? I am the opposite of that. If you don't learn history, you're bound to repeat it? Yeah. I am the opposite of that. If you don't learn history, you won't have ideas to do bad shit. Write that down. I don't have the urge to repeat things.

I didn't hear about bad shit. I'm like, oh, that might have been a good idea because I don't have ideas. I don't fucking know anything, man. Your brain is just a vapid wasteland. Nothing. There's nothing in there. Who's your favorite president? I don't know, man.

Liz Presidents. I'll say random names. Who's the guy in the Taken series? I mean, Abe Lincoln had dope hats. Abe Lincoln had Marfan syndrome. That's a little tidbit for you. What's that? I know that because my buddy also has Marfan syndrome. That's a little tidbit for you. What's that? I know that because my buddy also has Marfan.

The reason why he was so long and tall and weird long fingers and long shits. Slenderman? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Marfan syndrome. But what's crazy is, I mean, that motherfucker got assassinated. Like, he was just like,

hand to the door, gun to the head, pow! You know, like. I'm not missing a shot. Yeah, right. There was no, you know, magic bullet. Bob Lee Swagger didn't take that one. No. That dude had, like, a musket.

That dude, like, threw a bullet in his hand. He was like, pow! He could have, like, hit him over the head with a pan and probably done the job. Imagine that. Imagine if JFK, if he got assassinated by just getting hit in the job. Imagine that. Imagine if JFK, if he got assassinated by just getting hit in the head. It was like, how'd he die?

Like a two by four to the fucking back of the skull. I just went to the theater and I clocked him. That has nothing to do with slavery. He's so goddamn tall that he needs a hat too. I couldn't see anything.

He was what, six four? And then with the hat, he had to be like seven feet tall freak also though without jfk without abe first you don't have all those made up stories right i got assassinated in a theater and ran to a warehouse and he got assassinated in a warehouse ran to a theater and kennedy's name was Lincoln, and Lincoln's name was Kennedy. It's all those things that are not even true at all. It's all fake. All made up.

But look at that. I mean, the pictures are just so funny. It's just like you are getting your head blown the fuck off, Abe. Look at that. And next to him is poor. The president got shot. He got a fucking muzzle burn on his head. Right.

And next to him is poor Mrs. Lincoln. I'll give you $100 if you know what her name is. Mary Todd. Fuck. Is that what it is? Yeah. Did you just read that? No.

I actually knew that. I didn't know that. I was just going to say Martha. Even knowing there's Martha Washington, I was like, everyone back then said Martha.

Yeah, okay. My number four is Marjorie Tyrell and the High Sparrow. yeah okay my number four is Marjorie Tyrell and the High Sparrow Marjorie Tyrell she she the Sept of the Baylor

wait what Marjorie I was thinking Elena the girl or the old woman the girl what happens there? The fucking Deceptive Baylor. The big explosion. So many other people died in that.

Not just her. But that's what was getting assassinated. A bunch of other casualties. The High Sparrow was really the main guy. I said Marjorie Tyler was the High Sparrow. Which one is it? You can't have a double assassination like that. Of course you can. I feel like you gotta single somebody out to be assassinated. Go and High Sparrow. Well, then which one is it? You can't have a double assassination like that. Of course you can. I feel like you've got to single somebody out to be assassinated.

I was going to say that's going more massacre. Yeah, that's more massacre. There were a lot of casualties, but the goal was to kill him. Well, see, you said it there. Them, him. Him, them, her. There were a couple people who she was that. God, that's such an awesome. That episode.

That scene is. I used to listen to that music. That's the first time piano was ever used in Game of Thrones. Intentionally to make you be confused and be like, why is this different? What's going on? And yeah. I definitely didn't think that in the moment but i took note of the music i didn't say to myself this is the first time pianos ever been playing but i was like this something's

happening right here and the build-up to that it is insanity that that's the same television show that we watched yeah it's it's just totally impossible that happened that shit that was so cool and then the homeboy jumps out the fucking window oh it's amazing one of the best gifts of all time ever yeah that that's like not only great television just great internetting um last one um i will go with epstein jeffrey epstein Oh, yeah. That is a strong one. I mean, it's crazy. That one's crazy. But you know what's nuts is that that other chick, she's on trial right now.

I know. No one cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. That, that. I mean, imagine if she got off. No one cares because they're not telling anything about it. Imagine if they were just like, nah, not guilty.

That would be crazy. Her trial has started. She's standing trial currently right now. Where is she? I want to say New Hampshire. I want to say like in the Northeast. And then they caught her in New Hampshire. I think she's like in New York.

Okay. Something like that. Imagine, like send her to like Rikers. Imagine a bitch like that's got to go to Rikers. Dude, I bet she doesn't do it in jail time. I mean, what's the point of being anybody of influence if you do jail time? For the sake of everybody else, she can't do jail time. Not even for the sake of we can't let her snitch and all that shit.

More for the sake of nobody's going to want to be an international villain if it means you're going to end up in jail. We've got to have our safety system here where it's like, don't worry. We always come and save you. Supervillains take care of supervillains. You know, if,

if Ghislaine can just go away for 60 years, then what's even the fucking point of being a pimp? Do you know where she is? That doesn't matter, but yeah. Um, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, that doesn't matter but but you know even still like people it all became

a meme and a joke and it's like arguably was like the most revealing thing to happen in like modern history and it proved like so many conspiracy theories true and everyone just kind of laughed about it it's crazy

that's the way it works when you are the proletariat, to find humor in it, to get through the day, when you know the game is rigged. This guy sounds like a learned man to me. I don't know what he's talking about. Number five is Jennifer Connelly. In what? In Jennifer Connelly. Is what? In Jennifer Connelly.

Is that in the Fallen franchise? No. No, it's in, I forget what movie it is. What's the heroin movie with Jared Leto? Requiem for a Dream. Requiem for a Dream. She gets killed in that? No, but ass to ass.

Yeah! I would do the exact same thing over you you're like the MSG guard that was the worst joke I've ever heard that was the first one I wrote down. That is how I remember how to spell assassinate. That guy going, ass to ass. That guy, by the way, that scene, it's like, chill out. We're going to do some cool shit with strippers.

Don't fucking ruin it for us by being overly eager. Ass to ass. That was the worst joke I've ever heard. Oh, come on. That's a 10 out of 10. I hope. Was that camera on his face? Yeah, I had it on one shot. You did the Shane Gillis. Yeah.

That was unbelievable. I was about to be like, in order to be assassinated, you need to be a person of power or influence. What are you talking about? Ask. I almost went one so you didn't steal it. I was like,

is he going to do Jesus or the Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass joke? I hate you so, so much. Let us know your best assassinations. the Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass choker. H-U-S-O-S-O-M-U-S-H. Let us know your best assassinations. And we'll get into voicemails now. Voicemails are brought to you

by Movement. Movement watches. Movement sunglasses. They are the truth. Let me get these stupid John Lennon glasses out after I trashed them.

I will, in fact, rock them because they do look pretty cool. Yeah. I just don't like them when they're on John Lennon. When they're on me, I don't like them when they're on John Lennon. It's the holiday season, which means you got to get gifts for guys in your life. And, you know, I don't know why people say this. I've made this argument many times. Guys are hard to shop for.

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Hello to the entire KFC radio crew and anyone who's hanging out in there today. Greetings from Ontario. So similar to John's pocket sheet, I have a bedside caddy that I keep only my bedtime essentials in. So my candy of choice are jawbreakers. So I have jawbreakers, my TV remote, my lighter, and my vibrator. So my four must haves for a splendid bedtime. So my question for you guys is, John, what is currently in your pocket sheet? And everyone else, what would be in your ideal pocket sheet scenario? Like what must you have within arm's reach when you go to sleep? Also, before anyone comes for me, these are not KC Musgraves.

They say crybaby. Sad boy sees them forever. Be that. Number one, my vibrator. Yeah. number one my vibrator yeah um mine is uh it's lesser than it used to be uh i used to have tobacco in it i used to have chewing tobacco i used to have weed in it i no longer have either of those two things um so i basically just have i have my remote control my clicker, and a lot of frozen, I mean, I have frozen candies, sour ones in there, and then I have frozen peanut butter cups in there.

That's basically it, and I like to eat them together, which I don't know if I've told you that before. I've been on a hot streak of that. What are you doing? I put the frozen sour patch, frozen candy. You're doing like sour candy with peanut butter cups at the same time? It's unbelievable. Oh, I got a combination of that. Bro, it's so fucking good.

Because what happens is it's a peanut butter and jelly with a little spice on it. Yeah. It's fucking divine. No. It a little spice on it. Yeah. It's fucking divine. No. It's so good. No. We're not doing peanut butter cups with sound. Oh, it's a spicy peanut butter and jelly. No.

It's fucking unbelievable. No. Everyone's doing it. No one's tried it yet. Can you do it? No. Can you run down to the winery real quick? No.

Just for the family. Oh, I'll eat it. Just have a couple of fucking... That's the second weirdest combination I've heard in the past 24 hours. Last night, my roommate goes... My mom was in town, and my little brother, he's like, hey, I'm going to make dinner for you guys. I'm making chili and cinnamon rolls.

And I'm like... What's his dick? I'm like, that's a weird combo to have together. And I was like, yeah, I guess for dessert we'll have cinnamon rolls and then chili. I look over, he's scooping it. Who? Somebody real?

Will Compton, I believe, is a big advocate of that. He said it's a big Iowa thing. It's Stefan. He's our fucking tech guy. I look over, he's scooping with it. I didn't try it. I fucking, I should have tried it before I talked shit about it. I'm more inclined to try that than this fucking shit. Can we just hear?

Get a big old bag of fucking SBKs. Big old bag of PBCs. Reese's peanut butter cups. Justin's at the Apple. Nah, get Reese's for it. Well, get Reese's, please. We'll get Reese's, please. This is, oh, my nips are hard to sing about it. It is fucking, fucking creamy.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Fucking creamy. I would need, I would need, let's go with, I would need my 3G some 3G in my pocket I would need

some chapstick or you know whatever yeah for when you're sucking boys off dick sucking I'm doing maybe I don't need this but like a thing of lotion for when I want to jerk off. You go wet in bed.

I'm trying to think of something to put in my pocket. You got the remote. Click it. I don't have a TV in my bed. What? I know. It's crazy. It's a crazy move.

When my TV in my living room like two years ago broke, I brought the one out and I just like never got another one. So what do you do at night? What do you do when you go to bed? I just go to sleep. Get out of town. I know. It's crazy. Really? It's a crazy town. You know what I've been doing? You just at night? What do you do when you go to bed? I just go to sleep. Get out of town. I know, it's crazy. Really?

It's a crazy town. You know what I've been doing? You just go in your room and close your eyes and go to bed? No, I mean, I go on my phone for a while. I guess that makes sense. You know what I've been doing? It makes me go to sleep like a motherfucker. I think I might have said this.

I don't know. I've been doing audiobooks. It puts me right the fuck to sleep. Yeah? It's the only thing that puts me to sleep. Yeah, you've been like, I don't think it ever came up. We were in Vegas. I went and came down to the pool. You were just sitting down there reading by yourself.

You've been hitting books. Whenever I travel, I'll grab a book to read on the plane maybe. And that book was like some stupid action fucking book that I started to get into. So no, I'm not really. But the books, I will... They're the only thing that... Because my brain

goes crazy at night. When you were out, I was doing Hel're the only thing that, because my brain goes crazy at night. When you were out, I was doing Helix Sleep, and I went crazy. I was going to say, put a TV in your room, you'll be distracted. Yeah, but then I'm too into it. The books is the perfect, it stops my brain from thinking about everything I don't like about my life, and I'm interested enough that I'm just thinking about the plot, but I'm not interested enough that it's like, what happens next? And I just fall asleep. And then I'll wake up and it's like chapter 89.

And I'm like, I got to go all the way back to the next day. I never finish these books. I never finish any of these books. It's crazy. But, you know, if I roll over, I need to crack one out. I'll go and I need some lotion. You fucking lube her up before you. Fucking flog the dolphin off. Sure.

I guess so. And, um, the last one, um, yeah, my vibrator. Yeah.

My butt plug. And I just get my butt plugs attached to my head. My butt plug's right right here it's my thumb next up yo what up KSG Radio first time long time so I'm sitting here in my parents basement at 3 in the morning just

unbelievably stoned just watching some Netflix just chilling just trying to go to bed and i go oh boy well i gotta jerk off before i go to bed because i can't sleep and so i pull my favorite favorite only fans page stella berry shout out and she's just getting absolutely railed by this dude right in her ass and it must have been hot there or something because this dude had unbelievably long balls i mean just preposterously long balls and i'm just sitting there doing my thing and all that can pop my head is kevin talking about his long balls and him nailing a

girl you know in her ass and his balls hitting cyclic just like this guy was and i just burst out laughing. Just crying laughing sitting here at three in the morning high as fuck. Couldn't stop thinking about it. I wanted to know is it weird that that pops into my head sometimes when I'm working off?

Is he saying this is my favorite one? Maybe it's other people. I don't know. I want to know. Yeah. I want to know your thoughts on it. If you're wondering, yeah, obviously I finished.

That was great. Is he saying that it just happened? Because like... Yeah, like I think... Thank you very much, Zach. That guy looked like he had the eyes of a man who had just been laughing about the long balls, you know, pass them over. No free ads.

Yeah. Yeah. These are fucking random sour candy. My mouth just started watering at the sight of Reese's Beets. I'm such a fucking fat kid. All right. Ready? Oh, man.

I'm fucking hard. Oh. Oh, man. Long. Oh. Wait. Wait. Wait. It is like a peanut butter.

Spicy BBJ! It is like a BBJ. He's right. I don't like it, but it does look like a peanut butter. Yep. I've been whacking the fuck out of these, dude. Bro, I just sit in bed like this. Oh, no.

You want to try one? I got to try it. Go on. It really is. It really is like a peanut butter and cheese sandwich. It's crazy. It's just crazy. It tastes so good.

I can't. It's fucking. My pocket just crazy. It's so good. I get fucking... My pocket is just full to the brim. With frozen S&Ks. But I usually get... I have the individual Reese's. Individual Justin's. And I know the exact recipe for that. It's two S&Ks to one mini cup.

That makes sense. It's a little harder to do with this. Right, right, right. To get like the... You've just been smashing those, haven't you? Fucking hammering. Bro, I ate those from 8 o'clock this morning until 11 a.m. before I got out of bed. Three hours of that shit. Man, that's great.

I love the edge of the... I don't know how that happens. It's a PBJ. Not yet, I'm cutting. I mean... Spicy PBJs is the only way to call it, and it is. It's... So get two to a bite It's two to like a mini cup

You know what I mean? Like the individually wrapped cups You want one of these? You're not smoking You're all set? What does that mean? I'm allergic to peanut butter That's why

Oh yeah You are gay I didn't want to say this I have never brought this up You guys have had peanut butter in here And I'm like I don't care I'm not going to do anything about it Because I knew you two

Make fun of anyone who does And so I That's why he's gay Entire time That's why he's gay This entire thing Entire time I've worked on this podcast I've've tried to get away with not being a gay. I was really hoping this wasn't going to be the time.

He was in like sixth grade. He was in sixth grade. Couldn't have any peanut butter. And he was like, I'm going to fuck guys. I'm not a normal boy. I'm going to fuck boys because I can't have peanut butter. Obviously, you can be in the room, right? Well, allegedly. I will find out. Yeah, I was going to say boys because I can't have peanut butter. Obviously, you can be in the room, right? Well, allegedly.

I will find out. Yeah, I was going to say, I won't die. Yeah. Don't kiss me. To be clear, I did not know that before I sent them to buy peanut butter. That is pretty funny. I did. I totally forgot.

This will kill me. My bad. No thanks. I'll die. What was the first one over there? Yeah, sorry. I just started eating the Sour Patch. Oh, God.

It's so good. This is the best snack. I mean, I'd still rather just have regular. Not me. Not me. Nick? Yeah, it's like somebody poured a bunch of sugar in a PB&J. Spicey PB&J.

Yeah, that is it. Meanwhile, fake Buddha over here is thinking about me banging clits. Fucking Kevin, the hunchback of Notre Dame. Time to sling bells, baby. Grandfather clock up in here.

But what is the question? Oh, there's another one. Is that normal? Is it weird that he thinks about KFC radio stuff when he jerks off? I think that happens more often than not with our listeners at this point. We've covered it all, man. Like, to the point that any given situation you find yourself in, you'd be like, ah, that's what John and Kevin said.

I mean, we've done it all. We've done absolutely everything. So at this point, I think it's unavoidable. Yeah. You're welcome, I guess. Slash welcome. Fucking sorry. What's the weirdest thing you've ever jerked off to?

Like, that one pops into your head while you jerk off. Um. I mean, probably. Mine's probably a woman. I was going to say, mine's probably a woman I don't know I was gonna say Mine's probably a dude Right? I don't know

Some gay shit You just had a random dude Pop in like Like guys fucking Yeah probably Yeah? Yeah like I mean I've seen like

I've seen like Peter North Fuck a dude before you know You've seen Peter North Fuck dudes? Yeah gay for pay bro That's where everybody, that's where all male porn stars start. I knew that there was a lot of money.

I watched Peter North fuck a guy in his mouth on a bench press. Guy was like laying back over it. He was just like, pow. It's crazy. Bro. This isn't something you stumbled upon. You watched this video. Well, once I stumbled upon it, I watched it something you stumbled upon. You watched this video.

Well, once I stumbled upon it, I watched it. I was like, that's Peter Norton. And I'm sitting there going, that dude's about to take a load. Yeah, yeah. I know what's about to happen. He doesn't even know what he's doing. He's about to pop off, homie. Just so you know, sir, that gentleman is very famous in the heterosexual world.

That gentleman is hydrated. What's up, KFC,fc fights rest of the crew um i remember you guys a couple weeks ago talking about uh inappropriate shower jerk offs and i thought that was really funny and i'm just really glad to know that i'm not the only animal out there um but anyways a couple weeks ago i was uh in bed with this girl and uh you know we're doing our thing and uh you know out of nowhere she just says uh uh do you want to get a little crazy and so i'm like uh well what do you mean define she said and then she says uh uh yes or no do you want to get crazy oh i love her so uh like obviously i have to say yes right um so there's a lot of things going through my head at this point i'm i'm like uh is she gonna like tie me up is she gonna slap me around like

she's gonna stick something in my ass i got i don't know really those are the three that's so what she does is she turns around and gets on her hands and knees and so i'm like oh sweet like she meant anal uh so i go for that and uh you know turns out she did not mean anal at all like she she was not having it um what she had meant by uh get a little crazy was just doggy style right uh but anyway i'd like to know am i the asshole for thinking she meant anal um and also what's the first thing you guys think of if somebody says let's get a little crazy in bed uh let me know shout out to this guy for putting his face on this. I'm going to say everyone's the asshole on this.

You can't just go running your dick up in asses without having, like, some sort of conversation. Also, I mean, what is this, like, the 1800s? Doggy style is not. What are we even talking about here? Like, why are you crazy? Like, that's on her that's irresponsible of her but you can't just be like dig in your ass for reference Kevin's

first thought was murder if a girl says to me you want to get nuts and then I say like what do you mean and she's like yes or no I'm expecting some crazy I'm not expecting any sexual position at all we're talking well beyond a different sexual

position I know I'm not walking out there without a bloodletting that's a it's so funny to think though like yeah i i don't know how old that guy looked like relatively like normal age but like yeah there's probably a time when when I was like, you know 17 if some chick was like you want to get nuts that meant like I don't have my butt and now it's like Like die off my penis until the blood is like What's your favorite Mortal Kombat 4 fatality let's get crazy when you're 36 means fucking who knows dude like russian let up in here pull the fucking revolver out dude

god damn you ever see you ever see... She starts... She ties a chain to your cock. You hear a fucking F-150 revving in the driveway. Yeah, this is the stuff! Feel just like Paul Walker in Joyride. All that being said, you cannot put your dick in someone's ass without being like, I'm going to stick my dick in your ass.

Just stick some dick in his ass. That is wildly reckless in the year 2021. That is. But yeah, you guys are not sexually compatible, to say the least. Yeah. There's this movie. I can't remember what movie this is.

But it's one of these movies where everyone's in the same hotel and everything's going on in different rooms. And there's this guy who's like a high roller. Is this a Cusack film? No. Maybe. I know he's in a hotel movie. I thought you liked that movie.

No, I didn't. It had something else. This guy, he's like the bellhop in this hotel. And they play this. And there's two people in this room. And they play this game. How many times can you light your lighter in a row successfully without a like a you know where sometimes it just sparks but doesn't light and this guy's like i guarantee my my lighter

yeah i think so wait is that it what about four rooms that's what he pulled up yeah oh okay i meant 1408 no it's not that but four rooms what he pulled it might be four rooms um the bellboy takes the money yes click that that that that it chops the finger off i think yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so if if the lighter doesn't light at all and he just takes the fucking money it's so awesome i don't know what the fuck else that movie's about i just will never forget that scene where he's just like yep that's the kind of shit you see some some girl says you want to get crazy i'm thinking butcher knives and lighters are coming out today i'm thinking about losing appendages uh all right let's get into our interviews uh we'll start with uh little esther pavitsky esther

originally her her people said no to us i think like her publicist or some shit was like we're all set and then um we had the same agent. He was like, Esther, you guys should do this show. So Esther herself said yes. And then afterwards I think she realized she was like she definitely had some preconceived notions because she was like, this was great. That was really enjoyable. I was like, you really

were dreading this apparently. And then I think even when we started it was like we were being weird. So we get weird with Esther. But we ended up being the odd couple. We only have one speed. Yeah, we really do at this point. We are not accommodating anybody ever.

I think I was saying, I don't know if you're in the room or not, but I was talking about how we need to embrace the weirdness on social media and stuff like that. And I was like, despite the fact that our catchphrase has kind of become be normal. Be normal. We are so far from normal. We have strayed far from God's light. So far from normal.

But, you know, it's like be normal in like social settings. Be weird and everything else. Yeah, you're trying to be entertaining. Be weird about it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Esther on KFC Radio is brought to you by Roman. If you want to get weird with it, if you want to get a little crazy,

as some girls may say, you might need a little bit of extra help. Because I'll be honest, if I'm thinking about losing pinkies and blood flow is going to be a problem and stuff, how am I going to keep the blood in my dick going if I have an open wound? I don't know. Could be cool. Could be. I don't know. Could be cool. You're going to need some help, and that's where Roman comes in.

With not only prescription strength solutions like erectile dysfunction medication, but also non-prescription, but FDA-approved solutions like the Roman swipes, which you open up and rub on your dick. You know what the Roman swipes are good for? That air, the airlock problem, like you can't be exposed to air. If you need to like take your dick out and be outside of the girl or guy for a period of time, having the Roman swipe on there, it almost is like a little, it keeps you from being exposed to the elements. So the Roman swipes clinically proven to help you last longer. That's a man speaking from experience. Yeah, absolutely. It's like you could blow on it. longer. Speaking of experience. You could

blow on it. You won't feel it. You will not feel it. You cannot feel your dick getting blown on if you have a Roman swipe on you. So you open it up, take it out of the packet, rub it on your dick. You last that much longer. Still can feel it. Still enjoy it. You just get 50% longer in bed. Don't quote me on that number, but

if you're going to fuck for like four minutes, you'll get an extra two. It's about right. Go to GetRoman.com slash KFC to get your first month of swipes for just five bucks. That's GetRoman.com slash KFC for Roman swipes for just $5. It's Esther Pervisky. Let's talk to her. He signed a waiver. Wow.

Yeah, it's all official. That's scary. Yeah, we just don't know. Don't worry. What are you going to do gonna do best thing to do with contracts is don't read them can't get scared

sadly that is my policy it's mine as well it's worked out terribly thus far but we uh yeah

you guys are like we work at Barstool we have no money that was a joke and it didn't make sense I'm sorry no but every contract I've signed here

I've been like this time I'm gonna like go through it and then like I see it. I'm sorry. No, but every contract I've signed here, I've been like, this time I'm going to go through it. And then I see it and I'm like, all right, whatever. It's not live, right? No. No.

Is it like a weird time here? Here at Barstool? Yeah. It's always weird. It's something we're not used to. We go from one weird time to another. Yeah, it really is. Oh, okay. We go from one drama to another.

This one was a little bit bigger than usual. But we also, it's very kind of clicky, so this doesn't really have any impact on us. Oh, okay. We just hide in here and do our thing, and whatever goes on out there goes on out there. We're basically the least space in this office. Yeah, pretty much.

It's a weird... What's your perception of Barstool? Oh my God. You're asking a. Coming in hot. Nothing? You don't know? I'm, you know, I'm a Jewish girl from Skokie, Illinois.

I live in Los Angeles. I'm. Yeah, that's not like our. Kind of an artsier type. Right, right, right, right. I've never seen a. I've never really watched sports. But it's not about sports. No.

Well, we're not about sports at all. There's some people here who are like diehard sports. And I don't think we've talked about sports. No, well, we're not about sports at all. There are some people here who are like diehard sports, and I don't think we've talked about sports in years. On this show? Never. Except for this current episode. We talked about sports today. But like very, very briefly.

And we complained about people liking sports too much. Oh, you do? Okay. I found as I got older, I'm like, I can't keep the same interest I once had. Like I used to be a nut, and now I'm just like. But that Okay. Okay, cool. It was. I found as I got older, I'm like, I can't keep the same, like, interest I once had. Like, I used to be a nut, and now I'm just like. But that's about everything, too. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just losing. You're just losing interest in life. You're just losing interest in the things you like? I think you have depression. Dude, well, definitely, girl. For sure, girl. Dude, no doubt about it. I was walking to work today, and I was on the phone with my mom and I had like... So cute.

That's when he talks to his mom. He calls his mom on his commute. I call mom, one or the other. I call mom on the way home, dad on the way, whatever. Are they divorced? No, they're together. They just can't speak at the same time. But so I had this, I had yesterday I had

my apartment organized and like really like... You did? Really organized, yeah. While I was out of town Yesterday, I had my apartment organized. And, like, really, like, really organized. Yeah, while I was out of town. Like one of those, like, Maria Kondo girls came over? It was my sister and her friend. What's her name? Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo.

Yeah. It was my sister and her friend, but they do this. I think you were thinking of Thai Kondo. Kondo. Definitely, that was a little bit, yep, canceled. Yep. That was for sure influenced by Taekwondo, no doubt. But they're like professionals, if you will.

Yeah, they're not professionals. They know what they're doing. Yes. Can they do me nice? So my mom was like, so what's the way you like the apartment? And it's really depressing. I was like, I thought it was gonna make me happy and it didn't and it didn't by the way that's the only lesson in life that you ever need to learn is like the

thing that you're about to buy or spend money on is you think it's gonna make you happy but it's not and that's that's exactly what I said to it I was like but that's life right like you think this is gonna make you happy and it doesn't so then you just start a quest to find the next thing and you hope that does yes yeah that yeah, that's really seriously it. I don't know how we got from, do you talk about sports to this, but that was the conversation I had on the way to work today. That's why I started talking about school shooting right away. It's all making sense.

But really, even, like, down to work stuff, like, I mean, I put, like, blood, sweat, and tears into this, and then we do certain things, and it's, like, I'll get, like, some satisfaction out of it, but it's pretty fleeting. And then it's like, all right, just on to the next thing. Yeah. That's kind of fucking depressing. No, it's fine. It's like we're all in it together.

We're all in it together. I love finding other sad people. You have come to the right place, girl. Because I'm like, ooh, we're all sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do something bad. Because it is. Let's hurt.

Being sick together is fun. Like, even when you're, like, in high school or something like that, you're like, oh, I'm not feeling good today. Like, you kind of, like, hang out. Even in your family. Your family's more accurate. But, like, you kind of all just, like, sit on the couch and watch movies. Yeah, you're like a pack mode.

You're like, yeah, we're all sick together. Fuck it. We all sound so lonely because we're just like, it's so fun to have something in common with someone, even if it's just being sick. As long as it's another human to relate to. Oh my God. Can I tell you, every time I've been in the hospital, I've had a bunch of different surgeries. I like it.

Okay, brag. You've never been more jealous. Like, I love being in the hospital minus like there's certain like times it's like heavy pain that sucks but otherwise it's like first of all waiting on your hand and foot second of all you get tons of sympathy and pity third of all like the rest of the world like doesn't matter for the time being like there were times where i was in school and i was like okay well class doesn't matter anymore there were times when i was in work and i was like i'm taking a vacation from work.

It's just like the best. Dude, also, can I just add on to that, that you're in the hospital. So like you're in the safest place you can be because if something goes wrong, like there's a doctor right there. Absolutely. I'm like, this is the safest I've ever been. That's my happy place. Oh, I love it.

I love it. I thought I was there for that. I was recently in the hospital. What is this show? Welcome to the terror dome, bitch. It's crazy up in here. Did we COVID test? Are you guys okay?

I was in the hospital and I completely disagreed with both of you. If you have your own room, great. If not, I was in the hospital my first roommate the first night was a literal crackhead and he acted like a fucking

crackhead all night in the sense that he was like looking for copper and stuff. The whole night I was in bed and I was like this dude, the whole night I was in bed, and I was like, this dude, he has to be taking apart his table. And then he left, and he'd done exactly what it sounded like. His table was just strewn about his side of the room, but there was a curtain, so I couldn't

really see. And I was like, it sounds like he's just ripping that table apart, and that's what he was doing. And then he left in the morning, of his own accord, stormed out, ripped out his IV, bled everywhere. Bled everywhere. And then just walked out. And then the next night, it was a little more perfect. I had like a 65-year-old Mexican man with gout, which is kind of great because you can't

walk around like the crackhead was doing. Yeah. Same foot. You're stationary. And then he couldn't talk to you, couldn't have conversations with you. But he had gout. And every time the doctors came in to, like, check his pain level, and, like, they'd just touch it, like a child checks if it hurts.

They're like, how's this feeling? How's this feeling? Oh, my God. And I swear to God, man, I swear to God, he was making noises where he sounded like a cartoon character, and I was like, they're fucking with me. Like, someone's trying to get me in trouble for laughing at the noises he's making. Because it was like a Mexican cartoon.

The noises a Mexican cartoon would make. A doctor would come and be like, how's your knee? Which I didn't know you could get gout in your knee. And a doctor would come in and go, how's your knee feeling? And he'd poke it. And he'd be like, ah! And I was like, dude, you can't do that! Stop fucking doing that!

It's not okay. Carlos is Mexican. We're okay. It's all good. I was like, this isn't fair. Nothing to worry about. We have approval. I like the guy that bled everywhere.

When you said someone bled everywhere, I was like, now that's a power move. Dude, it was awesome. I want to walk into your office and just fucking bleed and walk out. That's a mic drop. He didn't even try and stop the bleeding before he put his jacket on. Yeah, well, yeah, if you're in the hospital with crackheads, it sucks.

But when you're in your nice little room with your shitty TV and they got the good drugs and they give you shitty food but whatever, they're serving you. It's amazing. Yeah, like Cedars-Sinai is, like I don't know Brad. That's the crack spot. That's it right there.

Really? It was very good. See, people told me I was fucking bragging by getting admitted to Lenox Hill. Lenox Hill. I don't know the New York hospital.

Lenox Hill is I know I look like I would. I look like a person. Oh wait, Cedars-Sinai. There's one here too though. There's Mount Sinai. Mount Sinai in the Bronx. You don't want to go to Mount Sinai. I look like a person who knows. Oh, wait. Cedar Sinai. There's one here, too, though, isn't there? There's Mount Sinai. Mount Sinai. Yeah, yeah.

You don't want to go to Mount Sinai. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to do Mount Sinai here. That's not good. But, yeah, that's... I've never, like, really vocalized that because I thought I sounded like a fucking lunatic. It's crazy. But I'm happy to hear that at least one other person agrees with me.

It's very... Yeah, we're the weird ones, right? Okay. Speaking of... Can I ask what's on very un- Yeah, we're the weird ones, right? Okay. Speaking of- But it makes perfect sense to me. Can I ask what's on your wrist? Yeah, okay, so, yes. So there's like, this is crazy.

There's new tattoos. There's like new tattoo technology. This is what I wanted to talk to you about because I heard you talking about this, yes. There's new tattoo technology. I'm going to do this. That it's like called, it's called ephemeral tattoo.

They have it in New York and LA and they tattoo you like a real tattoo, but it only lasts for going to do this. It's called ephemeral tattoo. They have it in New York and LA and they tattoo you like a real tattoo but it only lasts for 9 to 15 months. Oh, you told me about this. I heard it from her. I got my podcast co-host named Kalilah on my arm and yes, I am engaged and my fiance

was concerned. You have another person's name on your body. Why? It's going to be in all our wedding photos if we ever get married. And then today I got another one because I'm addicted. Yeah, now you're going to be inked up for nine to 15 months. Because I have a bad personality. I'm addicted to things because mommy didn't look at me enough. So what's that one?

This one says Sunset Boulevard because I like that movie. What's the movie? The movie Sunset Boulevard? Yeah. Where are you from that you don't know that? Massachusetts. That's bad. You should know.

Those are smart people there. That's really bad. You're from the East Coast? Well, if you're talking movies, that's not... I might know when I look it up. We would know Queens Boulevard from Entourage before we know Sunset Boulevard. Wait, a 1950 American black comedy? That's not.

That's not. This has a year I've never heard of in the description, 1950. It has the word noir written in it. No shot am I going to know what this movie is. Who's in it? Gloria Swanson. Oh, Gloria Swanson. Got nothing.

What was it? Funky Steve Zabit? Who's Gloria Swanson? I feel like they used. I got nothing. You don't know. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille. That's it.

This is getting out of hand. All right. All right. I just realized I'm in the wrong building. Nice to meet you. Sorry. Switch. Switch.

You come in here expecting us to do noir film breakdowns? You guys are nerds in front of cameras. I don't know. No. We talk more about... All right. Never mind. According to you, we talk more about... All right, never mind. According to you,

we like sports a lot over here. What was the last movie we brought? I mean, we did a lot about Fast and the Furious. A lot of Fast 9 talk. I am a huge fan of the Fast and the Furious. Oh, you are?

Okay. It is... Okay, I'm going to do this brief because we do this all the time. I am not going to argue that they deserve awards but they're fun movies that know what they are

that's the only thing that matters by the way I don't care if good reviews bad reviews if it's fun as fuck I don't care

as long as you know what you're getting into each time if I think I'm going to watch an Oscar movie and it's a Fast and Furious movie that's bad if I think I'm going to watch

you know what I mean it's got to all match up with my expectations you should like that's good life logic that's bad I like I think I'm going to watch, you know what I mean? It's got to all match up with my expectations. You should like, that's good life logic. Like, that's bad. Like, I like how you said that. I was like, okay. There's good and there's bad. That's it. Very

binary here. One, zero. Good, bad. Two party system. Hospital, good. That's it. Outside, bad. Done. So, yeah. That's what I, the temporary tattoos is, I heard you Done. So yeah, I, I, I,

that's what I, the, the temporary tattoos is I, I heard you talking to Santino about that. Yeah. And that is like exactly what I need. Cause I do like want some tattoos, but I'm probably just too much of a pussy to get them permanently.

And I'd like to kind of test it out. That's how I feel too. But I didn't realize the backlash of people who are like, I see your real tattoos. These fucking tattoo people. Oh, I don't care. Well, hey, I don't want me. I don't care. Yeah.

Whatever the fuck you want me to tattoo. Some real tattoo people are being like, that's not real or some shit. Yeah. Which I'm like, I don't fucking care. That's lame as shit. Yeah. No, I'm like, I get it. Like, you have your thing.

No, I don't get it. Fuck them. That's so stupid. What do you care? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like, are you mad at people who just don't have tattoos at all?

You know what I mean? Like, okay, you have tattoos. Yeah. Some people don't. Some people have temporary tattoos. Some people have more temporary tattoos. Some people have permanent tattoos. Who fucking cares?

Do these people with tattoos, do they go to amusement parks and yell at children and be like, you're not even really in the gang. That's what I mean. That thing's going to wash up as soon as you get on the slide. Yeah, keep your eyes on your own paper. Yeah, worry about your own goddamn stupid tattoo that you're gonna regret in 15 minutes. Mine's gonna fade. Peace out.

If I can make a recommendation, just get real ones and then you just... Oh, they're just like I don't like any of my tattoos. Wouldn't that be an argument against? Yeah, no, but it's like fun. It's like a badge of honor. Like, yeah, I hate everything on me. I can't think of very few people I know that have tattoos from long ago in their life that still like them. Unless they're very basic.

I'm kidding. I don't hate them. But it's also, none of my tattoos, I'm like, this is an important aspect. This is detail. That might just be a you thing. This is life-changing. You know? Yeah, but the people who-

Oh, like total indifference and apathy? Yeah, pretty much. The people who have that are lame. Those people suck at having tattoos. The people who it means too much to them? Yeah, this is shit, man. If your tattoos are who you are... You ask them what it is,

and they have a way too long of a story attached. It's like, just give me a sentence. Yeah, seriously. If you ask me what a tattoo means, I just go, I don't know, it's fucking dumb. That's it. That's what a tattoo means, I just go, I don't know. It's fucking dumb. That's it. That's what a tattoo means.

I don't know. It's dumb. Yeah. It's the name of the person I work with. Cool. Weird. Okay. Sure.

Whatever, though. I don't really care. I do feel like if you get a name, I am like, that person's dead. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, that person died. I want to get something for my kid, for my son. Every time I pick him up, since he was a little kid, he always does this thing. He taps my shoulder three times, just like automatically. So I wanted to do something with like three and his handprint or something.

And I was like, but if I get a handprint of my kid on my body, people are going to think my kid's dead. Oh yeah. Right? I think so. Right? Like if I have a little baby print and they're like, what's that? I'm like, that's my son's handprint. They're going to be like, oh, your kid fell off a cliff and died.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now I'm like, no. But maybe if I can get it for nine or 15 months. That's so fucked up. It's a handprint. It's the last thing I wish I could have grabbed. Oh, man, he fell.

He fell from the monorail at the zoo. His hand was just a little bit bigger. This isn't true to size. And then we have this moon man is kind of like our logo slash clothing logo brand. What do you call that? So I was thinking about doing something like that but I was like, I don't know if I'm going to like it

forever. So wait, does it fade or do you have to get it removed? It fades. It disintegrates into your body. My dad was like, okay, you're going to have your arm removed in three months. I was going to say, isn't that fun with new technology? Like, whoa. Maybe. Sure, I'll be the test buddy for this one.

I can't wait until everyone who had Jules starts fucking. I don't know what it's going to be. It's going to be bad. Uh-oh, what's that look? Well, I know nothing. Okay. There's just no way that's okay. We've been for 10 years

you've been like you know what I had a thought and Hubs actually texted me over the weekend about this we did a show on Friday and afterwards

we did a meet and greet and we took 60,000 pictures Esther was at Grimms' Review I heard that your show went really really well from who?

it was really fun from our mutual friend he has to fucking say that I was actually going to get excited that somebody else said it. Of course he said that. But, I mean,

we took so many pictures and the flash is like and I'm thinking we're all going to go blind from getting flashes in our eyes. I think we are less likely to go blind. I think the flashes were bigger back in the day. Back in the Sunset Boulevard. Yeah, back when Gloria Swanson

was doing noir photos. I like how you say noir. Noir. I'm going to say the fucking word right. Noir. You make us look like assholes, Kevin. That's the thing for stupid. Fuck! Let's go watch some sports. I ain't told that story from Massachusetts. I have a reputation

to live up to I'm gonna go to the hospital check into the hospital right after this fuck you guys oh man how's the podcast going podcast is going really

it's fun it's a wild one yeah trash Tuesday you guys had Annie on yeah she is from another galaxy well actually

she's a wild one oh yeah no it's those girls are absolutely psychotic, insane. Like, will actually eat a tarantula. And then the audience... I was able to eat like three the other day. Shut up.

Like a dried tarantula. A dried tarantula. Yeah. And then the audience... People get mad at me because I'm not eating the tarantula. And I'm like, no, that's... You guys, they're insane. They're the weird ones.

Yes. Every show needs, like, the straight man, you know? Like, I'll be, like, the control. Kevin would be the tarantula. And I'm like, no, you guys, they're insane. They're the weird ones. Every show needs the straight man. Kevin would be the tarantula. I didn't eat the tarantula. It's funny you're calling me the straight man because everyone on the podcast accuses me of being gay. So thank you, even though you didn't mean it. So in order to prove them wrong, you had their name tattooed on you.

I'll fucking show you how straight I am. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, but they're crazy and we all, I do feel like there's a little element of girls, but jackass to it because we'll be like, oh, here's a thermometer. Let me stick it up your butt.

And then it's like, okay. You guys do crazy shit, right? Yeah. Do you, do you film it all? Do you record it all? Yeah. And then when you do some crazy shit, it just kind of goes on off camera? Or do you like?

No, we usually record it. Yeah. Yeah. It's some version of it ends up in there. But we always, yeah. Like, and Kalilah is. Who's crazier? Annie comes off like more wild and energetic.

Kalilah's more quiet, but then she'll just be like, yeah, so I was 15 and yeah, he raped me. And we're just like, wait, what? What? Like she just so... Just drops it in there, yeah. Yeah, and we're just like, all right, I guess we're three women talking about statutory rape today.

We'll make some jokes along the way. We'll normalize these conversations. But this is feminism. My co-host, Kalilah, talks about getting face-fucked all the time. It's like, all right, face-fuck, but make it feminist. It should be our tagline, honestly.

Well, can Bobby Lee really face fuck, though? That's above my pay grade to answer that. No idea. Oh, man. Last thing we talked to him about, you do not want to be getting face fucked by him. No. He was on here a couple weeks ago

talking just about how his penis smells really bad. Oh, my God. His penis stinks. You want to know why? I'll ask you if you can answer the question. You do red pill or blue pill?. You want to know why? You want to know why? I'll ask you if you can answer the question. Do you do red pill or blue pill here?

Do you want to know why his dick smells? You can say no. We can move on. It's fine. It's Bobby. I have to know. He doesn't shake off

enough when he pees so it's just like urine. It's just like, yeah, I guess. Why is he telling that to people? And then he made us promise to smell it

when he comes in. He made a bet with his dick next time we see him. And we did. It wasn't even a bet. He just said, will you smell smell it when he comes in. We made a bet to smell his dick next time we see him. And we did. It wasn't even a bet. He just said, will you smell my dick when I come in? And we said yes. Everyone in this room sounds like they've recently left their body.

This is really bad. Kevin, it makes sense. It's on par for all I'll tell you today. I'll only tell you, Kevin, this whole thing is a fever dream. What's going on in this episode? We were recording the rest of our episode earlier and I was like, is this even happening? What's going on in this episode? We were recording the rest of our episode earlier, and I was like, is this even happening? What are we talking about here? We're talking about Bobby Lee's dick.

I would imagine Trash Tuesdays gets like that, where like, I gave up on coming in with notes or ideas, like a general framework, maybe of a couple things I want to hit upon on the podcast. You gave up on that? Yeah, because I like- When were you doing it? Because I never was. That's what I mean.

Like, years ago, where it was like, okay, we'll do this and this and this, and then we press record, and it's like, we're talking about smelly dicks and stuff. I'm like, well, I'm fucking... Why even bother trying anymore? Oh, you want to know how discombobulated this goddamn fucking show is? I don't mean today. I mean, for the last 10 years. That much better?

The other day, I had a friend connect me with a porn star Gina Valentina is her name you may have heard of her and she wants to come on the show sounds lovely lovely maybe here and there very nicely and she was like

great let's connect we can storyboard on the episode right storyboard are you telling me that porn films have more of a detailed plot line than this goddamn fucking show i do does pretty much storyboarding you're used to storyboarding episodes and i'm not that's that's not a good that's not a good we have we have like one storyboard that just says like press record now i really want to storyboard a porn. Let's do it. Well, Bert, let's go. Where do we open up?

Come on, film star. Let's go. Come on, 1950s. All right, so it's a black and white wide shot. Yeah. In comes Audrey Hepburn. Oh, my God. I need to leave these offices.

There's some energy in here. It's scaring me. Just kidding. Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura did that for each other. They storyboarded their own porns. They did? Yeah, but I don't think it ever came out, right? I don't think so.

Because Tom's body fell apart? Yeah, I think that was before Tom exploded. They did a live reading of it on their live show. Got it. They scripted it out and had people play the characters. Some porn stars, but then some just like... Jason Biggs was somebody in it. Oh, right. I did see that.

Oh, wait. Now he brings the bell now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys go to strip clubs? Oh, great question. I've never been the strip club guy. I haven't gone probably in three years. There's such a formal answer.

I have fallen in love with a strip club. Two weeks and 16 days. 14 minutes. Such a formal answer. I have fallen in love with a strip club. That's the question. The strip club thing I think is a little bit of a phase for a lot of guys. Yeah. It doesn't seem like they're very popular with people who are young. I don't know. Also, I find in New York it's almost like clubs and strip clubs in general. It's like you can go any night, you know what I mean?

So then you end up never going? Yes. Like I feel like if you live somewhere that's not an option and then you go away to the weekend, for a weekend to New York, you're kind of like, let's go to the strip club, where it's like, oh, I can go. And I'm 24. I'm like, yeah, I can go tomorrow. I'll go tomorrow.

And you just never end up going, you know what I mean? Yes. So that plays a part in it. And then when you do go, you're broke and you lose all your money. It's like, I don't think I need this. But I definitely do know some of my friends who are always at a moment's notice. Oh, really? Yeah.

We went this weekend to Sapphires and we were like looking for – Great choice. Great choice. I do know them. So did you enjoy yourself? Yeah, it was really fun. You're a strip club girl? Well, I just started taking edibles.

Yes. So I was like, that's something on my bucket list to do while I'm – Oh, yeah. So it was really fun. You're a strip club girl? Well, I just started taking edibles. Yes. So I was like, that's something on my bucket list to do while I'm... Oh, yeah. So it was fun. When I'm on edibles, I'm going to sleep. And the last thing you want to do is sleep in a strip club. Why though? Why not?

Well, I've heard a horror story that does sound like an urban legend. But I've heard of a guy who went in the back and fell asleep. And they just charged him for like 2,000 lap dances. They were dancing on him and he was just like, and then he wakes up and they're like, that'll be, you know, 2,500 bucks. That's an iconic scam. I want to like do that to someone.

Drug a guy and dance up on him somehow. Some Cardi B shit right there. But, yeah, I I've dabbled and had some fun but then I've also there's been times where it's like I feel like going with girls is actually when it becomes fun then it becomes like a night

out and you just have to be somewhere where people are naked that's why 11 is kind of fun when you're in 11 and you're not naked yourself but others are it's like okay I, I like this. Yeah, that's a good vibe, but not partying and just drinking alone

with naked people in the room, bad vibe. Yeah. Not partying, drinking alone with people naked in the room. But if you're partying, then it's okay. Naked people in the room can't be the focal point. They have to be... Like performers or workers. Yes. They're the background

it's like the music playing that's all it is it's the accent pieces is what I was looking for yes do you when you go are you like sitting at the stage

or are you doing like a back table we sat at the stage no we sat at the stage you know we fed the girls fed the girls they're not llamas we're not at a petting farm Esther

I didn't mean it in a disrespectful way. I absolutely love sex workers or dancers. No, yeah, we gave our dollars, and we didn't find anyone for a dance. Who did you go with? I went with a group of people that I, from, we did a show Saturday night. So Corinne Fisher was there. Okay. My friend John Campanelli, our producer.

I feel like Corinne would like know her way around the strip club. She knows how to, she knows how to work a room. Yeah. She was hysterical. She was getting her boyfriend lap dances all night and she was just like,

she was like the sugar mama. It was really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a hot environment. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Like fun girls in the strip club, turn it, because I do, part of me feels weird when there's just like a bunch of dudes and it's like, oh, look at my lap dance and like hopefully I cum on my pants. It's like, we're all there trying it, because I do, part of me feels weird when there's just like a bunch of dudes and it's like oh, look at my lap dance and like

hopefully I cum on my pants. It's like, we're all there trying, but nothing, you know what I mean? That's when it feels a little bit like weird and desperate at times. And you bring some girls in the mix and it's like we're partying with naked girls. But also, I feel like strippers take advantage of girls. Really? Because like, it's literally a singular experience,

but I was at a strip club in Toronto and this is a long time ago, and the stripper was like, oh, there was one, two girls with us, like three guys. And the strippers were in the booth, and they were like, oh, what's up, girl? Why don't you get up there and dance? It's like, ha ha, like, yeah, no. She's like, come on.

Yeah, a lot of touching. And then, just pulled her shirt down. Oh my god! It was like my friend's girlfriend at the table. I was like, oh shit, Jesus Christ. Okay, now I'm just feeling really left out. Like no stripper. Nobody pulled your shirt down.

Touched me, pulled. That did not happen. But I do. It's a different time. I do love when my friends get naked in front of my fiance. Like I don't know why because he gets uncomfortable

like what you just did. Not looking. He's like, oh what you just did ew a naked girl i would never look at that during covid i started a clothing line because i had nothing to do and so i had my friends come over to like fit the clothes and we would go in the like in our backyard because it was covid and like to be out safe, whatever, outside. And my fiance would be inside on a Zoom work call. And so we would just be getting, my friends would be getting naked and like going like this. I don't know. That was weird. I like that.

Very bad. Oh, this stinks. What does he do? He's a TV writer. Okay. So he's taking like, you know, somewhat serious calls on Zoom and there's just naked chicks in the background. By the way, naked chicks, it's Annie.

Just Annie. I don't know if Annie wears clothes. Annie's naked everywhere she goes. Annie came in here last month and it was not weather. She just showed it in a sports bra. She was in a bra and sweatshirt. With her abs painted on. This isn't weather appropriate at all. This is a sports bra. She was in a bra and sweatshirt. With her abs painted on. This is weather appropriate at all.

This is a wild outfit. I think Trash Tuesdays has a vibe to me of like, I don't know. It feels like almost, you know Captain Planet? No, what's that? You don't know Captain Planet? I'm thinking of Captain Underwear. Is that something else? It's still a time frame. Underwear, what's that? Doug,'t know Captain Planet? I'm thinking of Captain Underwear. Is that something else? It's still a time frame.

Underwear. What's that? Doug. Doug Funny. That's not his name. No, Doug Funny's a superhero comic book. Captain Underwear. Yeah, he wears Underwear on his head with a belt.

Captain Underpants. Captain Underpants. Wasn't that Quail Man? That's what you do here? Wait, what's Quail Man? That's also from... Quail Man is from Doug. Right.

So what am I saying? Captain Underpants is a whole different thing. A guy, something... I don't know why I know so much about this. Nick's our cartoon guy. Captain Underpants. Yeah, you're starting to sound right here. Quail Man.

Quail Man sounds like something. Quail Man was from Doug. Okay. Captain Underpants illustrates... No, okay. You're right. That's its own... Oh, yeah.

This guy was just like one giant thumb. Yeah. I would like to formally apologize for my mistake. You don't know Captain Planet? How old are you? How old am I? 33? You should for sure know Captain Planet.

Why? When our powers combine. He's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Oh, yes. Wind, water, fire. Yeah, with the power. How old are you guys?

33. I'm 36. Oh, wow, okay. I'm almost 37. I have to kill myself. Hang on. What was the wow about? No, I just, same age. It was like, cool, rock on, class of 06.

Did you think that we were older or younger than that? I had no idea. No preconceived notions. I was assuming my age, honestly. Captain Planet. I feel like that was very weird. Oh, wow. I was like, hang on.

She definitely thought we looked forward to it. Never seen this guy? No, no, no, never. The fuck? Are you a weirdo? Yes. It's actually a lame. It's about saving the environment.

It's like the lamest thing in the world. And for that, I love you guys so much. Did you watch cartoons growing up? Yeah, I watched Nickelodeon. I loved Kaplan. Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah, I love Captain Planet. What channel?

I think it's like PBS or something. It's not PBS, but it's something like that because it's educational and some shit. So it wasn't on cable. I was like, what? It was on six seasons. Wow, that's a lot. No, we don't tell. 113 episodes.

Come on, girl. Good run. I was obsessed with the bad girl. Captain Planet and the Planeteers. You were obsessed with the bad girl? The bad woman? Like you had a crush? Yeah.

I understand that. She had half her face burned off by acid, but she did. Captain Planet? Yeah, the evil woman with the blonde hair. She looked like Sia. Captain Planet. She had Sia, her hair covering her face. I can't believe you know more about Captain Planet than me.

This is astounding. I'm just like, what is going on? Yeah, she does look like Sia. She's a baddie. She's a baddie. She's a baddie. Oh, she's hot. That's right. I can't believe you know this much about this. And then these are the Planeteers.

I used the word obsessed. Wheeler is the redhead. He's fire. And Gaia is... Inca? No, Linka. I'm looking at this like I care. What's going on? I was paying attention. Ia. Why am I looking at this like I care? What's going on?

I was like paying attention. I don't know why I'm explaining this either. So let me tell you the plot. I don't even know why I brought this up. You come in here bringing up Sunset Boulevard. We'll fire back. Fucking Captain Planet, man. I surrender.

Fucking, I don't even know. The point being, they all combine their powers. This really works out better if you know Captain Planet. You have a podcast with multiple people on it that all bring something to the show. Now go home. Goodbye, Esther. Fuck you. That was the longest and most ill-advised compliment I've ever seen in my life.

I was trying to think too. I was like, what's a wig? Oh, I know. Captain Planet. She'll know that reference. Idiot. You idiot, Kevin. That's so weird.

It's like, oh, she looks like a child. Let's tell her about that too. No. Captain Planet. I figured you knew it from our childhood. Why did this? 75% of our episodes. I was going to say, three of the last 30 podcasts I did, Captain Planet came up. It's a heavy reference.

Okay, okay. What was your favorite cartoon, girl? Cartoon. Rugrats, but then later in life I got into SpongeBob, like high school. That's weird. Yeah. It was on. That was weird, right? Like you think it was a lie kind of? No, I don't know. It was just weird to get into it in high school. That's weird. Yeah. It was on. That was weird. That was weird, right?

Like you think it was a lie kind of? No, I don't know. It was just weird to get into it in high school. I don't think so because I think that's when the meme started. Well, that's what I mean. I know it from like the internet, but I didn't start watching. I've never seen an episode of Spongebob. Oh, really?

No. I mean, I could tell you. I would guess I have a pretty solid understanding of the plot lines based on my meme translations. I guess. But what's the main goal of Spongebob? What's he like trying to do? pretty solid understanding of the plot lines based on my meme translations. Yes. What's the main goal of SpongeBob? What's he trying to do? Kind of not ruin Squidward's day,

but also just kind of do it. Okay. Are you a SpongeBob or a Squidward in life? I'm actually Patrick, the best friend who's the starfish, and then my best friend is SpongeBob. Okay, so you've thought this out before. And then Squidward is her brother. Wow. Okay, I...

This has gone crazy. This is bad. I'm going to get a phone call from my fiancé after this airs to go through all the ways that I was bad. This is bad. I mean, it can get a lot worse. Don't worry. Do numbers have personalities, too?

Oh, my God. worse. Don't worry. Do numbers have personalities, too? Oh, my God. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Explain which numbers and what are their personalities. Like, two is kind of slutty. What? This is exactly what she was just saying.

Jackie was just... Who's slutty in your one to ten? There wasn't a slutty one. Oh, I thought you had a slutty one. But seven is dating nine. But nine is emotionally unavailable or something? Nine is't a slutty one. Oh, I thought you had a slutty one. But 7 is dating 9. But 9 is emotionally unavailable or something? 9 is emotionally abusive. Abusive. And she came up with that when she was a child.

And 3 and 4 are best friends. 7 babysits 4. 7 babysits 4 and 4 is the girl scout and she goes around. She goes around. 4 and 5 are best friends but it's awkward because 5 and 6 are also best friends and six tries to keep five

and is jealous of the relationship that four... This sounds like how I describe role play. I'm like, and then I'm the Girl Scout and you'll be emotionally turned unavailable. But seven's slutty? Two is slutty. But seven slutty? Two is slutty. Two is slutty. Yeah.

Why? I just, like, see it. Like, two is, like, petite and, like, just, like, she has her. I'm, like, describing the fantasy of myself. I was going to say, are we looking in the mirror here? I'm like, she's a brunette. The girl, Little Esther. Five feet tall and she's beautiful.

I can see, like, two has a lot she's beautiful I can see like two has a lot of confidence I can see that yeah two has confidence two has attitude two is everything

that one wishes it could be yeah well yeah but then three is everything that two wants three is too much

three is a slog well then what's four if three is too much four is just a four is a marine four is a marine four is very straight in the...

Yeah. Yeah. Four is... Dare I ask what's five? Five, you kind of reset, and you kind of get to be a little more insecure again at five. What's like 120? So I see it makes sense to describe yourself as five. 20?

Oh, 120. 120. 120. So once you start combining the numbers, things get really crazy. And I need my chart. I need my chart. Do you have my chart? We were talking about it before. I have like a, when I look at the, when I think of the days of the week.

Okay. I don't look at like a calendar. It kind of goes like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then up. So it goes like kind of like steps in a weird way. Wow. Your mind is wild. Amazing. Yes, I know.

It's a beautiful mind. It's like John Nash. I do mathematics on windows with chalk and stuff. Do you like make that for yourself? No, I just, that's when I picture it. Okay. How often, like, there's your problem. What are you doing picturing days? I don't know, like, what's

going on tomorrow or what am I doing this weekend? I see it, like, in my head. You don't write it down? I, like, I have to have it all written down or else if I don't write down. You guys all suck at going with the flow. Yeah, I do. I get that note all the time. Why don't you just ride, man? Why can't you go with the flow? I get that bit of criticism a lot.

Feedback, don't go with the flow. Common. You want to guess what criticism I get? What? Poor planning. Weirdly, I also get that one, though. So what does that mean? So the podcast, I feel like that's like i mean recently especially with covid everybody

kind of like started podcasts or paired up yeah and i feel like you you know some worked and some didn't i feel like you kind of found one that oh seems to work right i have been trying to have a successful podcast where i'm not kidding you 12 years and i feel like i finally found like the right group where we just all bring something very different to the table. Yeah, it's a good feeling. Yeah, but our common ground, we have ones that will let each other stick thermometers up our butts, but also we all like to say,

because we all have really old dads, so we're all made from old sperm. So we're all rotten? Yeah, we call ourselves Rotten Sperm. Is that weird? I was being intentionally rude with the word rotten. I was about to say, that was very... I was like, oh, you're a fan.

I was about to say something afterwards. Be like, Jesus Christ, John. Don't call our guests rotten ever again. Rotten Sperm Girls. I feel like we've made a connection with us. So we can call each other rotten. Yeah, of course rotten sperm combining me and Annie have been friends for a really long time

and we always talked about having a podcast together because we are such an odd couple we're very different she does drugs, she's a crazy girl and I'm scared of everything and then when we when we basically we like approached, when we basically thought of,

Annie was like, I wish we could do it with Kalilah, but she never would. And I was like, why do you think Kalilah never would? And we immediately FaceTimed her and she was in the car with Bobby. And we're like, hey, question, would you do a podcast with us? And then Bobby's like, yeah, you should do it. And she's like, okay. And I was like, yeah.

Easy sells to the best yeah i mean why would she not right because she it's like she hops on with bobby and like is a part of other shows right so yeah yeah she i'm really glad that she said yes i love her i have her name tattooed on me yeah you better yeah i mean you're better at this point um and so is are there like i mean what where what do you consider like is that like a part of your career, a side thing, a passion project? I honestly think it started. Do you consider that your main thing now? It started as like our little like side thing for fun because we just love hanging out.

But I think now I feel like I'm really seeing the difference that podcasting can make in selling tickets on the road and just having people get to know you, as I'm sure you guys know when you meet your fans. I cannot believe how rewarding it is to all the crazy things that happen to me that I have a group of people to share them with. It's very rewarding, which I love acting and stuff. I'm on the show Dollface, and I love that job, but it's very disconnected from the world. Right, right, right. You're just an actor.

You're just a character. Yeah. So I don't know. How do you guys feel about this show? Is this your world? Yeah, this is our main thing. I still don't believe it. I still think everyone's lying that they like it

and find it interesting. I definitely sometimes feel, I'm like, for real? You guys like this that much? That's the best attitude to have, though. We always get the, like, people being like, like, we did our show, we did the meet and greet, and there was a couple people who were always like, really quickly, just like, I know it's like a silly,

stupid show, but like, seriously, it's like gotten me through sometimes, and I'm like, for real? I'm very proud of that. That's awesome, I love that, but i love that but i just like how like why are you lying to me no they're not though because i obviously they're not but also i relate to those people because the entertainment that i consume gets me out of bed yeah it is so i don't know like i grew up addicted to tv and entertainment stuff so i really understand like right

but i like i totally get it like yeah we need those things and then it's also like it's real entertainment stuff so I really understand like other stuff right but I totally get it like we need those things and then it's also like it's real you know I mean I tell I say like my deepest

darkest secrets you know what I mean maybe say one one two three go now more a horse one I feel like I can't

believe that I'm not do a horse one do a horse one a horse one he said a horse a horse one I don't know. Kevin did most

of his horse ones last week. Everybody already knows my horse secrets. Sorry. New to the show here. But that's great. I love that.

I mean, we've been doing it for a long time too. This show? Yeah. We started in 2012. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So like, yeah, we should be bigger than we are. That's funny. I love self-taught people. Like I said, I spent 12 years trying to make it in podcasting. Yeah, we just kept grinding at this one until we fucking made people like it. You got time to shoot a video with us?

Sure. Okay, we're going to go next door. We'll do Answer the Internet, which is all the stupid questions that we've gotten over the years on the show. Amazing. Let's do it. So the podcast is Trash Tuesdays. Yes. And you're on tour.

Yes. You can get tickets. EstherOnIce.com. EstherOnIce. Yeah. Thanks. This is so fun. You guys are so, like,

for sad, depressed people, you guys make me feel good. I love you. We put on a good front. That's the goalie! All right, shout out to Esther. Just a shade smaller than Gabriel Iglesias. One of the craziest things said on this podcast today.

And we use the words bloodletting. Okay. Insanity. I still think he's fucking short. I know you do. I know you do. It's one of the most outrageous hills to die on, but I respect you dying on this hill.

It is insane. It's just, it's an objectively wrong hill. It's just like, I'm in on it. He does a TV show with a bunch of kids, and he's clearly shorter than the kids. Well, then the kids are 6'3". I don't know what to tell you. Alright, now let's get into it with Brian Baumgartner.

You know him as Kevin Malone from The Office. He's back. And he's a guy we need like a full sit-down session with, I feel like. I almost need a session with him with no cameras rolling. Is that a bar? Yeah. Yeah. Dark whiskey in a dark bar with Brian Baumgartner. But, you know, we talk a little bit about The Office, but we get down to brass tacks.

We're talking cranberry sauce. We're talking Thanksgiving turkeys. We're talking, you know, the full Monty here of Thanksgiving talk with Brian Bumgarner from The Office. It's brought to you by SimpliSafe. The holidays are here. You know, the wet bandits are on the prowl. You might get all your presents stolen.

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whatever else. Oh, my God. Shay, yesterday we're in the car. I actually have it all recorded because I knew something stupid was coming. So I started filming it. She's just like, Dad, what do we do if trees fall down? What do we do if a tree falls on the house? I was like, it's just not going to happen.

She fell on my house. Well, it could happen, right? She's like, what do I do if a tree falls on her? That doesn't happen unless there's a lot of wind or a hurricane or a tornado.

And she's like, well, how does a tornado happen? And I was like, I don't know, like the hot air and then the warm air and the cold air. And then it's crazy. And then I started to like explain all these different ways that trees might fall. And she was kind of like, well, that might happen near our house. And I was like, fuck, it might. I was like, you just don't need to be worried about trees falling on you, okay? I promise you that.

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SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio. Let's talk to Brian Baumgartner on KFC Radio. I don't know why I'm even going to say this. I watched the one minute, man. Oh, thank you. Basically, yeah, every time. And most of the time, I think you're an idiot. Guess what?

Me too. I'm like, oh, that was pretty good. That was pretty good. I got to go to bed. We're a sponsor deal, right? Yeah. That's fine. Well, when do you think

I'm an idiot? Give me an example of when you thought I was an idiot. Yeah, because we can tag team him here. I'm with you. Now it's going to seem

I'm not going to be able to pull it right now. I've been talking to people since like 745 this morning. I know. You're earning your money, man. You're doing the work. But yeah, no, I really – I'm trying to think of an example, I think.

No, it's okay. I can just be a general idiot. I guess I'd agree with you most of the time too. I can't tell you how many times I do that and then like new information comes to light and I'm like, well, that video is wrong. That whole fucking thing is right down the toilet. And then all day, they're like, did you say this? I'm like, well, that wasn't happening when it was recording.

Yeah, it recorded at 8 a.m. It's 3 p.m. No, we're not doing journalistic research here, pal, so go fuck yourself. But you, sir, are getting into the book game here, man. This is a nice piece of work. I mean, truly, I can say this, I have nothing to do with it. It looks beautiful. No, I just, yeah, I was very impressed.

There is something about a book. I feel like when it does come out nice, it's like, man. Well, and then I can tell people, like when I first got it, all I could say was, it's thick. It is. It's a thick one. It's thick. It is. It's a thick one. It's got girth to it. Yeah.

And I was telling people, because I'm like, a book? Why is a book? That's what we're doing now? Time is cyclical, man. Everything comes back around. And there's something hipsterish about a book. I'm a pro book guy. Do you read books?

I do read books. Come on. No, I do read books. I do. You got defensive about book. I'm a pro book guy. Do you read books? I do read books. Come on. No, I do read books. I do. You got defensive about that. I'm reading. I know. I'm not an idiot like you guys.

I went through thousands and thousands. NBC had just buried it of pictures from the show behind the scenes that no one had ever seen before that was out. That alone is worth it. Yeah, like all these photos that you've never seen before. And the crazy thing was the photographer on the show, like the NBC staff photographer, started dating and is still now partners with Kate Flannery,

who played Meredith. So not only do you have like behind-the-scenes photos, but you have someone who became a part of the family who's taking all the pictures, definitive pictures of all this time. Yeah, so it was super fun to go into that. I saw that go viral. I don't remember exactly when it was,

but it was the pictures that Michael actually took at the Christmas party, I think it was, right? Yeah. And it was like, because he was actually taking pictures. And I was like, holy shit. How often does something like that happen where, like, suddenly it'll go viral where you're like, oh, fuck, I didn't even remember that, like, not even not remember,

but, like, that never even crossed my mind that that might be a thing out there. Yeah. Well, like, back in the day, we were doing, and part of the book we talk about is that, that we were really, really almost canceled. Yeah. Right. Like we were truly after six episodes. That was after season one. We were done. I mean, we were done. And, uh, there's a chapter that is called a billion things have had to go right, which is something that Mike Schur who like did Parks and Rec and

Brooklyn nine, nine is like the most prolific executive producer, not creator now. He's most too, right? He's most. He's most. But like season two started, Steve Carell becomes the biggest movie star on the planet with 40-Year-Old Virgin. And we talked about like with a bunch of the people, like a room of NBC execs going, fuck, I want to cancel the show,

but now we've got Steve Carell. We can't cancel the show, so let's give it a little more time so we don't look like idiots. And then the show just started picking up and gaining steam. I didn't realize that you are everything to four-year-old Virgin. Kind of. No, it was like, he is our pony.

Let's ride him As long as we can And then there was A bunch of There was a bunch Of other things Like Think about this

It hasn't been that long But video iPod Is Released The steak for the office Season two And NBC is like

Oh We like this show Let's throw the office On there Like give it Give them the office And this stuff And NBC Which like, oh, we like this show. Let's throw The Office on there. Like, give them The Office and this stuff. And NBC, which we were like the idiot stepchild on NBC, Apple, like, puts us on billboards. And now we're in Times Square for Apple, not for NBC. And we immediately become the number one downloaded show on iTunes.

Yeah. I used to watch TV shows on when I was commuting into school from the Bronx to Manhattan. I would watch on video iPod. Yeah. I guess, what was it called? iPod Touch? Whatever it was.

iPod. Video iPod. Yeah. I mean, it was like, and I loved it. I was like, put my hood up and watch it in the back of the van. It was great, man. Yeah. That's little things like that, that you can't buy that.

You can't. Do you think there would have been, I know, like, Odin Kirk came back, like, later. Do you think it works with Odin Kirk? Like, the show works, but do you think without him, because he wouldn't have become a movie star, the show gets canceled? Yeah.

I mean, we have a long discussion, and Allison Jones, who's, like, a legend at this point, casting director, right, like, Freaks and Geeks and Us and Arrested Development. It's insane. No, what she has done is crazy. Like, I don't know casting directors. Right.

You know her. I know that name. Oh, yeah, I know the person who did all those casts. It's crazy. Do you have any one of those to your name? It's all, you know, solid. No, 100%.

But we had a big discussion with her about Odin is in the book. Because it was really Steve was on another show, wasn't sure we could have him, wasn't sure he would be able to do the show. Everybody loved Bob. Bob loved the show, wanted to do it. And, yeah, but that was a fun cameo in him coming back later on, kind of recreating that.

Steve Carell in The Morning Show is quite the departure from what he's usually done. Yes. It was wild. Well, but did you see, top of my head, the wrestling one? Foxcatcher. Foxcatcher. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

That was an Oscar- type shit, right? Yeah, he's unbelievable. It turns out you guys are pretty good actors. Who fucking knew? Do you think that cranberry sauce belongs on the table at Thanksgiving? No. Really?

No, I'm not a cranberry guy. You're a cranberry guy? Hang on a second. You're a cranberry guy? Get this fucking thing out of here. You're a cranberry guy. You're a cranberry guy? Hang on a second. You're a cranberry guy? Get this fucking thing out of here. You're a cranberry guy? It almost like, well, I'm fake cranberry. I don't want the real stuff. I want like ocean spray

out of the can. So it has like the gelatin lines on it. Right. And then I cut off slivers. Don't ever make that song. I contact me directly. And this hand motor. Don't do that. don't do that. Don't do that.

It was disturbing. That makes Thanksgiving, that's one of the separators that makes Thanksgiving dinner different from regular ass dinner. Okay. Stuffing as well. Stuffing, you have gravy during regular ass dinners? No, I guess I don't. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot of separators.

That's it. Just those three. So I am a hater on something. And I understand this is not exactly cranberry, but somehow it feels the same when combined with these other things. I don't like, in fact, I am passionately against warm fruit. Ooh. See, okay, how about this? I got to fight you on that one.

Warm fruit. Because I have sensitive teeth. I use Sensodyne. I'm a 33-year-old man who uses Sensodyne. I have dentures. And I can't do cold fruit. I got to do warm fruit. So what?

Wait, I'm just drawing a blank. What are some other warm fruit? Like apple pie you don't like? So, yeah. I mean, no. Like a crumble? Yeah. If there's a lot of crumble, I can do an apple crumble.

I don't like when there's lumps of apple. Or blueberry pie or cherry pie, apple pie. No, right? Or pineapple on pizza. Pineapple on pizza. I'm fine with it. On an Easter ham when it's warm. No, why?

Because I feel like food needs to be crisp or cold and fresh. And warm is like bleh. No, I like... You're with me. So you put a cranberry. Well, but I don't think a cranberry has a fruit. I think I literally, when I think of cranberry... You don't think a cranberry has a fruit.

I don't. That's a bold statement. Because... This is... Because... What are you talking about? Because I think of it as a gelatin in a goddamn can, man. I have never...

When I think of cranberry, I never once actually picture a cranberry. I picture a cylindrical gelatin. But look at him. I mean, yeah, cranberry's not fruit. Are you guys crazy? I mean, like, intellectually, I agree with you. Yeah, because I'm the intellectual one here with these two morons. When I picture an ocean spray bottle, not that. But ocean spray comes in the can, too. But it's still a can. Yeah, because I'm the intellectual one here with these two morons. I picture an ocean spray bottle.

Yes. But ocean spray comes in the can, too. But it's still a can. Also, it's cold. Wait a minute. I have it cold, so that's why I didn't think of this at all. My ocean spray comes out of the fridge in a gelatin form. It's a cold fruit.

No, no. And most of it is cold. But combining the cranberry sauce on, you want it to be combined with hot turkey. Yes, that's true. It then turns into hot cranberry. It's you want it to be combined with hot turkey. It then turns into hot cranberry. Warm fruit. I oddly know Michael Schur also hates hot fruit. Oh, he does? I've seen him tweet

about this. I'm embarrassed to know this, but Michael Schur stares your stance against hot fruit. He's very passionate about it. You guys stick together, huh? It has become a phrase from, right? So, you know, like a buddy, like you call him luggage, right?

Like just luggage. I also call him warm fruit. You're just a warm fruit. Just useless. That's so mean. That is like the meanest thing I've ever heard. Especially when you have your view on warm fruit. Yeah.

You're like, there is, you are nothing. You are being carried by everyone else fruit. You're like, you're like, there is, you are, you are nothing. You are, you are being carried by everyone else here. There is nothing for you. You bring nothing to the table. You are fucking warm fruit. There you go. Warm fruit.

What, what, what are your, what are your top dishes at Thanksgiving then? Well, stuffing, dressing, whatever you call it, right? Dressing? People call it dressing? I don't know. Why don't you say it with some fucking conviction? Say it with your chest. No, you say it. I'm saying you. No, no, no, no, dressing, whatever you call it, right? Dressing, people call it dressing? I don't know. Why don't you say it with some fucking conviction? Say it with your chest. No, you say it.

I'm guessing you. No, no, no, no, no, no. I feel like that's a regional thing, what you call it. That's my only, no. Some people call it dressing? Yeah, because let's face it, most people don't stuff it in the turkey anymore. Yeah, that's true. My mom does.

Really? Fuck it, right up its ass. Yeah. No. Right up its ass. Yeah. Well. Right up its ass. Yeah, no, that, well, that, and I think that, to your point, and I guess if I liked cranberry, I'd feel the same way. That is not a thing that I eat other than Thanksgiving.

Other than Thanksgiving, yeah. Dressing, stuffing. You know, there's a turkey shortage. Is this the start of a joke? No, no. No, there's's a turkey shortage. Is this the start of a joke? No, there's literally a turkey shortage. Because there's just like a shortage of everything right now. Right. Because we're bringing turkeys from China?

Is that why? Everything's stuck in the port of Los Angeles. Really? I didn't know that we imported turkeys from China. Kevin, do that for tomorrow's one minute, man. Turkey shortages. Fuck, man.

Watch out. There will be. I think turkey is like double the price right now. The mass turkey shortage of 2021. Do you do your top five episodes in here? And if not, can you do them right now? Not top five. What's your top episode from Kevin?

Not the office. Kevin's top episode. Oh, Kevin's top episode? I think. Well, I mean. Don't make that noise ever again. We make a lot of weird noises on this show, so. Well, I mean, for me personally, the funniest story that

because to me it was a joke that was set up for four years right was Dwight trying to convince Holly that Kevin was slow. Yeah. Like that storyline was so much fun and there became this huge and that was bridging

a summer right so it was like the end of one season starting the next season and there was a huge debate when people was bridging a summer, right? So it was like the end of one season starting the next season. And there was a huge debate when people came back in the summer, like almost that got physical where people were like, this is a story that can never die. We have to continue this forever. And other people were like, come on, we're trying to create reality here. How long can this go on? Um, but that storyline was, um I haven't told you this before,

but for me, just personally, the moment when I never successfully was, I was unable to keep from laughing was when Holly is at the vending machine. And I have, I'm trying, I'm like, the story is Kevin is trying to decide what to buy at the vending machine. And I have, I'm trying, I'm like, the story is Kevin is trying to decide what to buy at the vending machine. Holly believes that Kevin is unsure

of what he is holding in his hand and starts describing. And her, just her face, her innocence, her purity, her trying to help. She did it so well. Says this is a button that she had to tell Kevin what a button was made me laugh. So I've told this story before, but I was, I knew what was coming next to the script

was like a direct address to camera and me saying, I'm totally going to bang Holly. And so I was like, okay, I think I can actually kind of laugh, smile and look at the camera because then it's like, oh, look, she likes me and I can get away with it. But that I couldn't, I mean, at this, at this point, the,

the, the chili thing has just become, yeah. Do you hate that kind of stuff? No, I wouldn't. No, I don't hate it.

It's, I mean, it's just, no, the only thing that I, the only thing that is hard for me is, which I'm sure even you guys get this, is the like hundredth time today in New York City that someone has said something like, don't spill

the chili. And as though it's the first time that joke has ever been made to me, that's old. It becomes harder and harder to laugh. Do you still try and do that? Like the fan enthusiasm? Like, oh, yes. Or you still kind the feign enthusiasm? It's not quite. I don't go that far. See, I have a good fake laugh.

I've perfected the fake laugh. I'll give you lessons if you don't. That's good. No, I mean. The fucking actor over here. I can't fake a laugh. Overall, I've been doing it the whole time I've been here, actually. I'm walking into that one.

No, I mean, look. The show, well, let me ask you this. I'll flip it around. Do you feel like the show brings comfort? Oh, hugely, yes. I think The Office is like a, like if I was a psychologist, I would prescribe it to people watch this every night before you go to bed it brings you happiness

it brings you comfort, repetition all that I've described it as adult bedtime stories I've seen it so many times I don't even have to watch it so what I do is I put it on TV and then I can just go and close my eyes and I can picture exactly what is happening

so I'm seeing the story in my head. Right. I know, I've seen it. I would probably say I've been to the whole series 50 times. I'm saying it a lot of times. And so I can just close my eyes and I fall asleep to that without having to watch the glow of the television. But yeah, it is exceptionally comforting.

In fact, my therapist tells me that it's because you know what's coming so there's no anxiety about what's about to happen. Right. That's, that's actually interesting, but that, so like to be totally real, I find it, I'm not an overly emotional person, but that people come up and not just tell me stories about the show and how it has brought them comfort in a difficult time, but actually me palpably feeling the need from them to tell me this particular story that is incredibly moving and passionate to me. So like in all sincerity, like the, that feeling, I feel so much having to deal with the idiot who makes the chili joke and expects that I haven't heard it.

But having those interactions are far outweigh in terms of the positive. Okay, let me throw something at you. Okay. Guy comes up to you on the street and tells you how much you spilling the chili has gotten him through a tough time. And now we're mixing those two together. Now you're an idiot. No, but I will say this. I sort of had this, I guess, bit.

I don't know if it's a bit, but that I do think there are a couple different types of people. And someone who comes up to me and just hammers on how hilarious the chili seed is, I think this is a potential psychopath. It's just the man dropping something. In a vacuum, it's really not that bad. I mean, it's hilarious.

I'll be this crazy guy for that. It's hilarious. Yeah, I mean, there is quite a bit of skilled physical comedy. I don't know what you were looking at. No, but to me, the combination of that physical and what everything that is behind it and what you know about him and him trying to have this small victory,

I think is, yeah, I mean, it's well written. Did you, when it kind of wrapped up, did you, obviously you didn't know what was coming because the, I think last time you were on, you told us the second wind of Netflix where it's still the most watched show in the world surprised you. And podcasts didn't even exist, so you didn't know you were going to start that. But did you have any idea of the lifeblood or the half-life, whatever the scientific term for it is, the show would have? No.

I mean, that's the – That's crazy, right? That's the thing is that – I mean, you went viral for like a million dollars on Cameo a year or something like that? Oh, yeah, you make a big money on Cameo. My guy's king cameo. You son of a bitch. Listen, listen, listen.

What do you charge, like $1,000 a video? You jerk off? This is crazy. You're trying to steal all the Cameo money out there. Listen, listen. You can't believe everything you read. So how much is it? You can believe a lot of it.

You can't believe everything you read. So how much is it? You can believe a lot of it. You can't believe everything you read. No, look, it's the show. I mean, here's another crazy thing. And actually, I think we talk about this in the book too, like why people respond to it. I honestly think this is the case, which is like it makes it so mind-blowing that networks still make the same choices they make year after year but just think about like what this show came

out of essentially and ben silverman uh my partner of the book and executive producer he says we were coming out of friends and like baywatch which was like friends in bikinis right like everyone had to be and the chairman of nbc talked to me about he was like there became there was like friends in bikinis, right? Like everyone had to be, and the chairman of NBC talked to me about it. He was like, there became, there was a thing in network television, which was they have to be funny and they have to be hot. And that was never a part of, of television before, but it sort of happened. And I, I do truly think that that like, um, again, to go deep for the second time, but that the whole end of the book is about the end of the show, which is Pam saying, you

know, why do I think they made a documentary? There's beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point? And last week, two weeks ago, I went back for the first time in years and to the set, like to, and it's a, it's a terrible street in a really bad area. And quite frankly, an unattractive building.

I mean, you see it right there. Yeah. No, however. It's a paper company building type, you know. Yes. It's a, it's a Scranton office park mall thing. Yeah. But the, like the beauty that was created in that and with

the people there, I do think that's what brings it back. It's like there is, these people are ordinary. Yeah. Ryan is ordinary. Right. And yet there's like something has happened and I want to be a part of that thing.

I don't know. Yeah. No, absolutely. It's real. Was it intentionally done like even with the dress and stuff like that with characters that it wasn't – the clothes were kind of ill-fitting? Yeah, everybody here looks like a slobber. It was like what you see in a –

You're all like Pennsylvania slobs. Yes. There was a story we talk about in the book actually, which was finding a love interest for Jim, or there's an episode called Hot Girl or whatever, and the conversation was Scranton Hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot New York or LA. Scranton 10 is a New York one or whatever. Yes, and Amy Adams, who was cast as that,

that was a huge conversation. It was like, is she Scranton Hot? Yeah, but then everyone on the show moved to the big city. Is she? Amy Adams, everyone's just hot now. That's what Kevin always says, that there's no such thing as hot and ugly. It's just rich and poor.

That's really it, man. That's how you get that cameo money. You're going to be looking good. Is it weird going back with, I feel like, what was it? Office diversity or whatever got taken off something? Where it's like, is it weird looking back, going through the book and being like, are you often like, ooh, I don't know if that would work today? Because I haven't watched it still today.

I think 99.9% of it holds up. But there are still some where I'm like, ooh, I wonder if they get away with that. Yeah, see, I'm a little bit different on this, which was, I feel like, so Michael Scott says something really inappropriate. Like, in fact, I will share with you guys example of, to me, one of the like most perfect moments that someone might say, oh, you can't say that. But Michael is really, really trying to connect, right? He's really trying to connect and understand. And he sits down in the chair.

I remember it to this day. He sits down in the chair and he sits backwards, but it's kind of too wide. So he's kind of weirdly straddling this thing and gets down to Oscar. And he says to Oscar, Oscar, what is a term that's less offensive than Mexican? And he's like, there's nothing offensive about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what is something that's less offensive than Mexican? And people say, you know, someone might say,

you can't say that. But here's what happens in that scene. You've got 15 other characters, other people that are in the scene, all telling you that is an inappropriate thing to say, right? So the message is actually woke. Correct.

It's actually future. Yeah. We're singling him out as the idiot. You're singling him out as the idiot for not, you know, for speaking inappropriate. I never, because I don't like that when people are like, you can't say that. I think you can say anything you want. I just wonder if it would work. I don't know. And I think you guys made so much work that is like, oh, I don't like that when people are like, you can't say that. I think you can say anything you want. I just wonder if it would work. I don't know.

And I think you guys made so much work that is like, oh, I don't know if I could make that work. But I think you guys did such an incredible job making basically everything. I think that scene would get laughs, but people of Mexican heritage would be upset by it. Maybe. But I think that premise is funny. Right. But, I mean, who knows? What do you watch?

Now? Yeah. I was late to the game. I did just watch Schitt's Creek. Okay. You like that? I thought it was good. Yeah.

You think it was? A little tempered. Oh, no. A little tempered approval there. These guys suck. Tell them. Eugene Levy, fuck you. You suck.

You had. I did not do that. You had more fruit eating son of a bitches. I didn't say it. I tend to be with you. I think it was very good. I'll give it very good. I'm not going to hit it with a great.

That was very good. No, it was very good. Yeah. I thought it was very good. No, I love. See the headlines now. No. No.

No. So then what's a show that you think is great? No, I love it. I see the headlines now. Brian Longaner hates Schitt's Creek. So then what's a show that you think is great? This will be unpopular. And I've actually given some true thought to why this is. Well, what I'm currently watching right now, it's just taken me a little bit long. But I am going back, and I'm watching The Sopranos. Right back and I'm watching the Sopranos right now. I'm watching the Sopranos. I tried to do that.

Cause I missed it. I don't, I find like I can't get into it because it's, it's almost too old and I missed the boat and there's no, but you know, interesting. So, so, but to, to, so to me, the best show on tell it's a drama spoiler alert, but the best show on television now is Handmaid's Tale. I still haven't seen that. And, but here's the crazy thing,

because I love Breaking Bad, Sopranos, some of these other dramas. And the one thing that Handmaid's Tale doesn't have at all, which makes me go like, it must be really, really good because there's no comedy. There is not.

No, there is. I know. There. No, there is nothing. I know the plot line. It's not a laugh. No, there is nothing funny. But even The Sopranos, I just watched the episode where they do the intervention on Christopher to tell him that, oh, you haven't seen the show. No, but I think I know. He does this intervention on Christopher and it turns into this like, this just like

him calling his mom a whore. Like, it was like, what is happening right now? And it's really, really, really funny. Also terribly dark, but yeah. Handmaid's Tale. Okay, so Brian Bongar thinks Handmaid's Tale is better than Schitt's Creek. I will say that. Yeah. Creek. I will say that. The actors on Handmaid's Tale are better than the actors on Schitt's Creek.

No, I wouldn't say that. Never say that. Never say that. No. All right. We're being told to wrap it up. So thank you, as always. The Ultimate Oral History of the Office is the book by Brian and Ben Silverman.

If you are a fan of The Office, you got it. This is a must-have. You are a living person. I'm taking that home, by the way. I have tips on that. Perfect. That's fair. Thanks, Lyman. Thank you. Alright, to all the OG KFC Radio listeners, the people who still listen every day, make sure that you

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