KFC Radio - The Great Denver Soup Debate Ft. Christina P.

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

- The Great Denver Soup Debate…Please comment down below and help us decide who whether you’re #TeamTwoSoups or #TeamSoupandSandwhich - Denver, we are in you - Update to the Mitchell Miller Hockey storyline after Isaiah Meyer-Crothers speaks out - Eli Manning is living the life and proving that Tom Brady should have retired - AITA - Dump truck - Spending BFs money - Video Voicemails - Phillies loss a** eating girl - Who could you take down in a fight - Christina P. Interview: the most shocking/discusting thing she's seen on Your Mom's House, Andrew Tate, and grinding her way to the top with Tom Segura +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - The Great Denver Soup Debate 16:08 - We’re in Denver 31:30 - Update to the Mitchell Miller Hockey storyline 47:12 - Eli Manning is Proving Tom Brady Should Have retired 58:40 - AITA 01:14:32 - Video Voicemails +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SiriusXM: App Get your first 3 months for free of the Sirius XM App when you visit https://barstool.link/SXMKFC to sign up. Offer Details apply Mugsy Jeans: Go to https://barstool.link/Mugsy for up to 30% off the entire site HEYDUDE: Go to https://barstool.link/HEYDUDEKFC and use code BARSTOOL for 15% off. Cannot be combined with other discounts. One time use per code. 15 item limit. Must enter code at checkout. Not valid on previous purchases. No rainchecks. Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Betterhelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first monthYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Like, here's a question for you. If Giselle wanted to hook up with you, or like date you, would you do it? I'd ask for permission first. Right. Subscribe to the podcast, you bozos. Stop watching for free. Actually, it's always for free, but just click subscribe so you help us out.

Do it now. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We are in Denver, Colorado, the sunshine state. It is very nice. There's mountains, sort of. Yeah, well, they're out there. There's mountains out there. Yeah.

Enough of the fucking dilly-dally. I got something to say. I got sick on the plane last night. It was... Literally mid-flight. Got on it. It was good. Mid-flight.

Bro, it was like a reverse superhero thing. I felt it start in my head and course through my veins, and I was like, there's no way this is me getting sick because I can feel it going through my whole body. We were over Ohio. I knew where we were. I was like, I bet Sandusky. I was like, I hate this route.

I'm going to get sick. That's what Ohio does to you. It's just like oozing shit up into the sky. It was terrible. And I've been sick. I came home last night. We got to the hotel. I took Advil PM.

Slept all day. Slept all night. Slept all day. Side note, inhaled short ribs. Yeah, but this isn't food poisoning. Okay. But just to paint the full picture, we were served in first class. We were served a burrata ball that was frozen.

Which I avoided. I didn't do that. I ate that. It was cold as shit. It was like eating burrata ice cream, basically, which is fine with me. Shout out, burrata gang. Shout out, chief. And then this hunk of short ribs that it was fire.

It was good. But, you know, anytime you inhale a airline meal in under 90 seconds to the point that the stewardess comes back and says, you guys are already done with that? They were coming. They were about to start the drink service, and our plates were clean. She's like, wait, are you done? We're like, yeah. The judgment. I didn't have my company pay for a first class ticket to

be judged on your plane, madam. I got her back later. I farted on her face. Somebody was farting on that plane and I'm pretty sure it was you. No, I didn't fart on her face. I farted and she put her face in my mouth. Well, that's her fault. Remember when she bent down to get the water bottles? I was like, no, no, I'll get it. I had just farted.

John lit up that cabin a couple times because one time I smelled it and I was like, I, no, I'll get it. I had just farted. John lit up that cabin a couple times because one time I smelled it and I was like, I've smelled this brand before. And then another time, it was when someone else had just got out of the bathroom and I was like, oh, maybe that's just a stinky bathroom. You open it up and it wafts out like a port-a-potty. And I think it was John again, so congrats.

You smell like a port-a-potty. It wasn't that many farts, but the farts were noticeable. There were three. There were three times There were three. I knew it. There were three times where I was like, and just thinking about all that being circulated all the way back to that dumb bitch Jackie who was sitting in the last row. Everybody got a taste of Feidelberg. Yuck.

So continue. So today I was laying low. We got a show tonight. I was just like napping. I was going to consider working out and sweating it out, but I just don't have the energy for that. And the whole gang goes to lunch. There's a group text. Hey, let's go get lunch here.

I was like, look, I'm not going to make it. So I text Kevin on the side. And Kevin actually might even ask. No, no, I think I texted you. I was like, can you grab me a sandwich? And Kevin says, yeah, absolutely. And then he sent me the menu about 20 minutes later. I probably responded to it 20 minutes after that

because I was in and out of consciousness, as I said. And I looked at the menu. Quite the menu. 17-page menu. It 20 minutes after that because i was in and out of consciousness as i said and i looked at the menu quite the menu 17 page menu uh it was like a cheesecake factory yeah it's a diner type spot yeah and i i say to kevin kevin tells me that there's chili and he knows i'm a big chili guy so kevin says uh there's chili on the menu too and i went oh dope um let me get a french tip sandwich and you know what throw in a chili too but then because i'm sick i noticed chicken salad chicken soup on the menu and i went you know what make it a chicken soup instead and this motherfucker dropped the french dip sandwich and brought me back two soups i said to him in addition to or just the soup i i meant like just the soup dude here's this

text on you this is not on me literally said i've texted i've texted multiple people being like i'm not the crazy one here right and everyone's like no he's a fucking lunatic i said show up to a hotel and i want to be clear about something and i want to be clear about something there's a very nice gesture i don't know what this isn't this isn't taken away from i said i because i literally was like i don't know if he wants everything he said he said get me a french dip soup and then chicken and then he said you know what just make it a chicken soup I said

Actually you know what A chicken soup please That would of course I would mean Switch the fucking soups out When a sick person says You know what Just get soup

You think a sick person Wants to down A fucking fat roast beef sandwich Right now Or he came to his senses And said You know what Get me chicken soup

And then me Being the smart person That I am Thinking Well a normal person Would maybe just me chicken soup. And then me, being the smart person that I am, thinking, well, a normal person would maybe just want chicken soup. But John is a fucking dumpster garbage disposal, so let me clarify. No, I wanted a soup and sandwich

for lunch. It's a completely normal order. I said, no matter what your order is, when someone says, in addition to, or just the soup, and you say the soup, then I'm going to drop the first half of the order. I thought it was exceptionally clear. I'm going to read it for you verbatim.

They got chili here if you'd like. I said, sheesh, that's a menu. I'll do a chicken dip, please, if you guys are still there. Might as well rip a chili, too. Very quickly. Oh, in the same minute. Actually, you know what? A chicken noodle soup, please.

You said in addition or just the soup. I went just the soup. Thinking you meant. Thinking you meant. No, I mean, that's it. No. Thinking you meant. No, I mean, that's it. No. Thinking you meant. Obviously, I thought you meant like two soups and a sandwich.

I mean, no. Swap the soups. No. Swap the soups. If you had said to me, I want a French dip and a chili. And then you said, no, no, never mind. A French dip and a chicken soup. Then it would be a different story.

You went from the sandwich and the soup to saying in a separate text, I want chicken noodle soup. So I clarified. And you said just the soup. saying in a separate text, I want chicken noodle soup. So I clarified. And you said just the soup. But then you brought two soups. I could see if you. I brought my leftover chili. Oh, that's why it was cold.

I was trying to also. Didn't mention that. Well, it was in. And that's a whole other thing. If you just brought just the soup, I would be like, okay, I see. I fucked it up. But when I took out the chili, I was like,

this is a weird looking chicken soup. That's all right, I'll start with a French bib. And then I got in there and I was like, well, that's a normal looking chicken soup,

so what the fuck is that? He brought me a chili and a chicken soup? He got me a two-soup lunch? That's crazy town. We go to the place and Colorado's in one of the, I was kind of like,

what is Colorado food? You know, we're remarkably more in the middle of the country than I realized. I thought of it as north. It's pretty middle. Pretty middle. And I'm like, the next town down, next state down is Arizona.

And I was like, maybe there's like Tex-Mex vibe. I didn't know what the food is here. And then I see a lot of chili talk. They have bison burgers and they got chili. So I look at their chili menu. They have a cup, a bowl, a pint, a quart, and a gallon. I saw all those chilies. That's why it overwhelmed me. I was like, you know, just the chicken soup.

They had different flavors of chili. I was like, that's all too much. Just the chicken soup. So I went with the pint with the idea of bringing stuff back, which I then graciously gave to my friend John, who I thought likes chili. So I order a pint of chili. Now – So I'm just sharing soups with you now?

Yeah, pretty much. Yo, sharing – I'm not the sick one, bro. Sharing soups, you're an animal. You sharing wet food like a puppy? No, to be fair, I was putting it onto tortillas. Okay. So I wasn't like slopping into it. So let me show you

and maybe I'm crazy because we are in a restaurant and we're not just like at home but like I order a pint of something I'm kind of expecting like a pint. Like an ice cream pint almost. You know? I'm expecting one of those clear things.

Oh, just a big ass bowl? No, I wish I took a it was like the flattest plate. It was like those really shallow, wide ass plates. That's like kind of a bowl. You're kind of like scooping it. You almost got to use like an angle. Like what are those plates about in the first place? What are those good for?

I can't really serve a soup. You can't even. And maybe maybe chili. But I don't know. I didn't like that either because i'm like scraping the bottom those clear taller plastic containers so then yes yes or even just like a almost like a uh you know like chinese food does it sometimes they have a plastic one or they have like a uh i guess it's more about the ice creams in that cardboard with

the lip on the top you know but i was like all right maybe yeah it won't be like that but it'll be maybe something similar they gave me this wide ass plate and then when i said i need a chicken noodle soup to go not with a fucking french dip sandwich because he didn't say in addition to i do i thought you meant to him it's it look i'm gonna i'm gonna ease back on you, but I think that it was pretty clear you switched the soups. It wasn't. I thought you meant do you want French dip, chili, and chicken noodle soup. That's all it was. I just said flat out do you want it in addition, and you said no, so I got you the soup.

Because my order at the time was French dip and chili, so I didn't want it in addition to that. I wanted it instead of the chili. I thought you wanted soup instead of the whole this is why you don't text this is why you call people and I think the soup like of the day was chicken noodle so in my mind this sick person sees wait a minute actually

soup of the day chicken noodle that's good when you're sick and I still clarified by asking in addition to but but in addition to the order at the time was a french dip and a chili so no I didn't want it in addition to. But in addition to, the order at the time was a French dip and a chili. So no, I didn't want it in addition to that. I wanted just the soup switch. You didn't say that. You didn't say like swap out the soup for the chili.

I thought it was implied. Who's on what side here? This is important. I'm on Kevin's. My man. Jackie? Jackie, what's your answer? I'm on Kevin's.

Get the fuck out of here. I would say I would have gotten both. Jackie, what's your answer? I'm on Kevin. Yeah, Colleen. I would say I would have gotten both solely because we're on a trip, and I feel like might as well just get the sandwich as well. Colleen's smart. That makes sense. That's not really an answer, though, based on the situation. That's like just get him a bunch of shit. Pabs.

Sweet. Johns. Yeah! You fucking liar! You're just doing that for the fucking podcast. Fuck you. Fuck you. This will have to be decided tonight.

That's bullshit. You guys are both grown men, and you guys should just... I think Jackie should shut the fuck up. How about that? No, please continue. Take the microphone and continue. What are you saying about us grown men? Which, by the way, someone who's been with us for two years, I don't know.

Pump the brakes. I just think you guys have been arguing about soup for 15 minutes. I said it was going to be the whole show, so we have fucking an hour left. How about this move, though? An egregious move in its own right. I said, can we get that chicken soup to go And also That was piping hot

I should have known Something was up When the chili was freezing cold I got into that And I was like I think I'm done with the chili I should have said that That it was

That it was leftovers I asked You know Can I get this to go And he said Do you want it in a bowl I was kind of like First of all

I was like That's probably how It should have been served In the first place sir But yes And I come out And he just hands me The plastic bowl

Like walk home with that No no no Like it's empty Gives me Gives me the empty bowl Oh so you're gonna Dump it in yourself At the table

First of all Just I mean Go to the bathroom Do it over the toilet We're in a diner So I can't be nitpicky here i think that pretty much no matter what an eating establishment should probably put your your leftovers in the bowl they do that a lot i think that was a covid thing they just bring

your boxes out for you okay and then that fine much like covid stuff they don't just change anymore right they're just like we're never doing this again covid plus diner i'm not exactly you know asking for the moon here or i shouldn't expect the moon but when it's this plate thing there's no way to pour it yeah so nick goes give it to me give it to me and i'm thinking like nick's been in you know uh he's he was one that he tells about when he's the cook at that thing he became like couldn't get fired yeah yeah yeah yeah. So he puts the plate there, and he just rips it. And he probably got, I would say, 90% of it in the thing. So it was a good job. But it was very funny that he was like, give it to me, give it to me.

And I thought he was going to create. Colleen goes, use the tortillas as a funnel. And I'm thinking he has some idea of how to do it. He's just like, I'll do it. Whack. And just flips this plate of chili. I mean, that's how they would have done it in the back, just over a sink. I was like, I'm going to stay with five minutes here.

So what? You want a fucking French dip sandwich now? Yeah, I'd love a French dip sandwich. That'd be fantastic. I wish you had it in addition to your fucking chicken soup. This is going to be a big point of contention because it is... It is a situation where I'm right.

And the room agrees. It's what you talk about. The room's 50-50 split. He's a liar and he knows it. Look, he's a fucking liar. He sat there and was like, what should I say? To be clear... Actually, Kevin, now that you told me to shut the fuck up, I won.

3-1 I win That's politics Politics bitch I was gonna say Everyone went out To voting Abstract jump side Yeah right

That's politics baby Flip flopping Switching aisles That's great That's really how it works I don't know enough about Let's do politics You wanna talk politics

Real quick Yeah but before we do that I just wanna say One more thing My order at the time Was a french chip sandwich and a chili so i didn't want it in addition to the next i didn't like in addition to no not in addition to did you say to swap he a whole new text he says you know what a chicken soup please i said actually you know what a chicken soup yes it's a new order with a new text. It sounds like a new order. Yes. If you told the waiter that, he'd bring you chicken soup.

No. There is no way. If I said to you, do you want a French dip sandwich? The side choices are a salad, chili, or soup. And you said to me, I'll take the chili. Oh, no, no, wait. Make it a chicken noodle soup. I'd say fine.

That would make sense. Was chili its own text? No. I said to him that they they have chili do you want it he said no i want the roast beef sandwich um french dip and you know what let's rip a chili anyway and then the next thing said you know what chicken noodle soup i don't think i never said no to the sandwich when someone says in in addition to. But it wasn't in addition to. I already had my order.

It wasn't the. I didn't want three things. I didn't want a two soup lunch. That's right. It's. From you, sir. Anything's possible. I'm not.

John ordering lunch. Anything's possible. You could have been like, I'm going to put the chicken noodle soup onto my sandwich. And then eat it with the chili like in my ass. There's anything possible with you, you dumpster. Fuck. We're going to be arguing about this for months. I'm going to get a shirt that says, in addition to.

All right. We're in Denver at the Comedy Works for KFC Radio Live. If you want to go out and see any sort of live entertainment, live comedy, you can get your tickets through Game Time. You want to go see your favorite team, any sort of live sports, you get it through Game Time. They are the number one app for tickets on the secondary market because they will find you the best tickets at the lowest prices. They have up to the minute, up to the second pricing for any sort of live event, whether it is music, comedy, sports, whatever it may be. So you can get tickets to

get in the building for, you know, front row tickets for like $2 at the last second because someone just needs to get rid of them. You can find the best prices and the best tickets all right now on the Game Time app. We use it to go to baseball games. We've gone to concerts. We've all done, everybody at the KFC radio team has used Game Time multiple times now to get in the building for our favorite events. You can download the app right now.

Go to the Account tab. Create an account. Use promo code KFC to get $20 off your first ticket purchase. That's GameTime. Promo code KFC for $20 off your first purchase. I also – I don't even know if I have to ask you this question. Did you pack for 40 degrees? Because I didn't.

I packed everything. you this question. Did you pack for 40 degrees? Because I didn't. I packed everything. I tweeted yesterday. My packing was like when, what's his name? Vidar? I forget his name. In Always Sunny. It's from Patty's Bar, the worst bar in America. Kidnapping people.

And then Dennis is packing his bag. And Sweet D catches him. And she's like, what are you doing? He's like, what am I packing? It makes it look like he went on a trip. And she's like, you got winter jackets in there and bathing suits. He's going to Cancun to Canada. It doesn't make any sense.

That's how you get caught. And that's how I was packing. I was just like, taking jackets and bathing suits. I knew, you know, I never checked the weather. I don't check for rain. Dude, if you check the weather, you're a sucker. You're a gay sucker, dude. I can't stand that.

Just go out there and brave the elements like your fucking ancestors did. And no, I didn't bring an umbrella. Now, mind you, I'm the same person who had a blog written about him back in the Milton days because I wore a raincoat to the office when it was raining. And a scarf. No, no. I was in a black raincoat. It's a standard black waterproof

jacket. I remember talking about it. People were like, were you in the Gordon's Fisherman outfit? I was like, no. I was in a black waterproof jacket. Did you wear your deadliest catch? Just a water repellent jacket. One I still own. I can show it to you if I want.

Dave's Quality Meats. Very nice jacket. And it was like I walked in there in a tutu. Well, that was awesome. What are you wearing, Feidelberg? I looked out the window. That was because this was old Milton days run by old Dave who dressed like a 90s skater, like grunge kid until he got rich. Yeah.

So the idea of having a, I guess a raincoat was so foreign. I feel like a raincoat even makes it sound more fancy than it is. It sounds like a... Was it three quarters?

Nope. Waist. Waist. Wow. Because I do remember the Madame Feidelberg picture was you had like a brown coat with I think like

a red scarf and you were wearing glasses. That's in New York. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember that one being one of the big like Madame Feidelberg, Lady Feidelberg. Madame Feidelberg was before. Madame Feidelberg was Milan.

But that was just like stylish. It's a little more stylish. It was winter. I wore a jacket and a fucking scarf. Or maybe Burberry, whatever it was. Yeah. But like. Oh, please.

I don't wear Burberry. I'm from Long Island. You're just hocking it up there, huh? Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I wore, I had this t-shirt on. I was like,

that's not going to cut it. And then I threw on a fucking corduroy jacket and I was like, dude, it's almost in the 30s. So I had my paint, my mint moon man zip up on.

I mean, I'm layering up looking ridiculous in Denver so far. So I had my mint moon man zip up on. I mean, I'm layering up looking ridiculous in Denver so far. So, yeah, Denver it is. So today we have, as you listened to this last night, will have been our Denver show. Tonight will be our Phoenix show. If you're in Phoenix, come out. Please do.

We're going to bang it out. And it's a big week. We got some anniversary type shit going on old school kfc radio things uh not to mention a couple uh a couple extras plus we always play all of the stuff that can't make the cut for the podcast so we really relive all those really funny moments um it's gonna be a really good show actually it's one of those funny things which like the show just comes together so easy i'm always like what are we gonna do we have nothing we have nothing and then boom oh no never mind it's a three-hour show now yeah there's oh it's always good today was a good

anniversary of a throwback that we're gonna do uh and it's almost uh 11 11 which is the day that our whistle pig whiskey drops now this is just the regular old six-year piggyback. You get the KFC Radio Fancy Edition. You've got the sticker on it that says 10-year anniversary, and it's not just packed with the regular six-year Whistlepig. You know what? Can I get a glass? I actually wasn't going to drink this week until after Saturday's show.

I mean, that's the problem. But I'm sick, and I... And booze will fix you. This is like Grandpa's Cold Cough Medicine. Yeah. I mean, now. I mean, give me a really little pour, but just a little something, something. You do it. So our single barrel is a little bit spicy and a little bit smoky. It's got a little bit of fruit in it, a little bit of nut flavor in it.

And it's ours. No one else in the world has ever created a whiskey like this. It's the only barrel in existence. It's out November 11th. You can get it. You can check out your local retailers, although, you know, it's a small... When's November 11th? Is that tomorrow? It'll be tomorrow,

yeah. Tomorrow. Check out your local liquor stores and whatnot. It is a small batch, so you maybe might have it, depending on your market, but what you can definitely do is get it online at whistlepigwhiskey.com. We'll get that exact. It's changed a couple times. The link will be in the description. You can sign up right now on the email list,

and you'll get notified the moment it goes live. So you can get it before it sells out. Whistlepigwhiskey.com. Whistlepigwhiskey.com. Whistlepigwhiskey.com. Sign up on the mailing list. They'll let you know when the KFC Radio 10-year anniversary bottle drops. Get it quick. Get it fast.

And – By the way, Jason, if you're listening to this, you know they came out with a new boss hog. I saw that. Wouldn't hate one. It's fucking awesome. Siren song. Siren song, yeah.

And it's got like Silver and blue And it's all about the The Finishing Greek What's that from the Odyssey Or the Iliad I'm gonna get Siren song is the Odyssey

The Odyssey right And those bitches were like Come over here I took humanity's bitch I'm gonna crash my boat If I come over there right Imagine if you want a pussy so bad You crashed a boat

Into the fucking rocks Imagine you want a pussy so bad You looked at fish Off the side of the boat and said, that looks like a chick. God damn it. That thing looks half woman. They say that's how mermaids got invented.

Right. A guy saw a big fish and was like, is that a pair of boobs on that thing? It was manatees. I thought it was dolphins. Also, if you need any more proof of whistleblowers. That feels... Look, I'm not a doctor. Remember when I was talking about how I felt it

from here to here and I got sick? It's pushing it out of your feet now. It's coming right out of my toes, dog. That's how it works. That's science, man. That's science. You could wear those things, those pads on your feet where it sucks all the toxins out.

You ever see those? Those are probably not junk science. No, that's not's science. You could wear those things, those pads on your feet where it sucks all the toxins out. You ever see those? Yep. Those are probably not junk science. No, that's not junk science. This isn't junk science either. This is real science. Yeah. Ask your St. Bernard if this is real or not.

He'll tell you. And if you need any more proof of why to buy Whistlepig, check out... Let me get it real quick for you if I can find the DM. Because... God, that's making me feel good. Let me see. A little television show by the name of Breaking Bad.

Ever heard of it? Had Whistlepig in their show way back in the early days. Let me find the exact one. It's a great scene. It's when Hank is pouring out some whiskey for him. I feel like it's right after they killed someone. Or they captured someone.

It's in the DEA office, right? Yes, that's exactly what it is. It's Duco, right? Yeah, maybe. It's the episode Madrigal in season five. Hank Schrader and his two fellow agents uh uh gomez and the other guy gomi drink whistle pig from mugs at the office as they discuss how to bring down gus okay so it wasn't a celebration there is what you're thinking

of is a different one that's inferior whiskey so we won't talk about it but you can clearly see in the shot the uh whistle pig uh 10 year and it and it's got the AMC logo all over it. Oh, yeah, dude. That's very sick. And that's early, early. Season 5 is late Breaking Bad, but Breaking Bad is an old show now. So that was in the infancy. It was probably over a decade ago.

And I think Whistlepig's only been around 11 years, right? Wasn't it early 2010s? I don't know the answer to that but that's fucking clout right there that that's like proof of so and the reason you said he didn't is because vince gilgan's a whiskey connoisseur and so he sprinkled good whiskey there's like five or six of the ones that vince really liked that he included in the show vince gilgan drinks this shit dog and vince likes it and why am i so tom jack Jackson dude dog dude I say dog all the time can we get a dog counter

can we maybe go back and look at the recent episodes and the vlogs and what not Feidelberg dog counter it's at least a dozen a day bro I say dog all the time I don't know how it happens

I like it it makes me feel like I'm in 7th grade again it's not like I've been hanging out with someone who says dog I hang out with the same three people

I only have been watching a show where people say dog I don't know where I picked up dog what's up dog dog dog i'm trying to think who says dog dog dog dog dog it's me i said i was gonna say jackie has been trying to bring it back jack you've been saying dog you've got it for me i it seems like i may have but when when did you start this i'm bringing dog back saying thanks dog i don't know why because i just like sometimes i just feel awkward so i just like need to add like something on a thank you saying thanks dog I don't know why Because I just like Sometimes I just feel awkward So I just like Need to add like

Something on a thank you So I'll say thanks dog Or whatever Has Jackie Slowly accepted you Like I think it's I refuse to accept that

I think it's going the other way I've actually been thinking this The whole time But I didn't want to take Care for it But I was like I'm 9% sure When did you start

I started after Surviving Barstool Because people kept saying Congrats And I like Didn't know what to say. Thanks, dog. So I kept saying thanks, dog. That's a while ago.

That's a while ago. It feels like more recent for me. But it was subconscious. This feels like 1998 DMX. Like, what's up, dog? Everybody was dog back then. I love it. Feidelberg becoming a dog guy 20 years late is fucking amazing.

Yeah, I definitely wasn't a dog guy in his infancy. You were a bro and a dude. Dude, I actually remember when I – because I thought bro was lame on the Blackout Tour. And it's one of those things I started saying ironically and then I still say it to this day. Oh, no. I mean bro and dude are like filler. But there was a time in like around 2010 where bro was like douchebag. Yeah, for sure.

And then like 2010, I started saying that. You know what I really want to do? I think I mentioned this to you before. I want to do – maybe I'll do – maybe Pat, me and you can do this like a standalone little mini documentary paying homage to the phrase, let's go. Oh, I mean You know who started that Who Tom Brady

Tom Brady did not start Let's go He's not No No Tom Brady popularized Let's fucking go With that gif

But the Frat boy Let's go What's up dog Let's go I can tell you when it started It was Brady was already doing it

But I I'm joking a bit Yeah But The Because I didn't I didn it started It was Brady was already doing it But I'm joking a bit Yeah But The Because I didn't I didn't see it first Brady always did his full sprint out

And then like He does a public Let's go See I think a sports let's go Is very different than a Like a party You know like Good news man

I was able to like Pick up the keg Let's go Dude I know Did you fuck her Yeah Let's go Shit like that I know who Who you fuck her? Yeah. Let's go! Shit like that.

I know who I first heard it. I'm not saying this kid invented it. But who were you going to say? At FSU, 2006. No, no, no, no, no, no. I graduated in 2006. Oh, 2008? I would say I give it to my boy, Robert Lee.

Who? My boy, Robert Lee. Who's that? Just my boy at FSU. He's just a random dude. Dude, he's just my boy at FSU. He's just a random dude. Dude, he's just my boy at FSU. And I was like, dude, that's cool as shit, man. Let's go.

I would hear him yelling it from his room. His name was Robert Lee in the South? That's tough. No, I said Virginia, yeah. I would very much go by my middle name. Or I would be Bob Lee. I'd be like Bob F. Lee. Throw Robbie in there or something.

Robbie Kimo Sato. No, dude. Rob's the man. Let's go! I would hear him yelling from his room and shit like that. I'd be in the living room like, let's go! That guy, if he's listening, needs to be like the way Dusty Baker's like, I invented the high five.

I invented let's go. I thought it was the coolest thing. I'd hear him yell all the time. Let's go. And then I was like, I'm going to steal this from him. I think at Barstool, the main guy who I would give it to is Roan. Roan is a huge let's go guy. It's usually a calm, like, let's go.

Yeah. Let's go, dog. Let's go. But it's one of those things. It's been beaten to death, but I don't mind it. It is. I've actually tried to stop the cool it is actually you know what we've been talking about doing this forever social media yeah it's it's um

my social media in particular um and it is it's something i've gotten away from because i was like it's a little over the top now just like the let's go tweet lfg or something like that because it is it's something i said i i've made a pseudo-conscious decision to stop. I keep doing it with Liverpool because I think it's funny. But I don't just do like caps locks. It just doesn't add anything. Like what am I adding to the world? I do positive thing, but I don't do a caps lock for everyone. That's fine.

I do it for like the Mets have signed Max Scherzer. Like what else are you going to say other than like this is awesome? Yeah, yeah, yeah. LFG, let's go! You know? But it's pretty shitty. There's so much. I wish there was a thing.

So are we doing a funeral for it? No, no, no. I'm just saying the caps locks of anything. Oh. Where you're not really saying anything. Where it's like, touchdown! Right, right. We don't need to tweet that.

And I actually feel like I've gotten some backlash for not doing that kind of thing. You've been watching the game, dude? Oh, that's another thing, man. I wish you could have a status with like, I am watching like leave me the phone but then i'm also like fuck that i don't need to explain my fucking day to you right jets fans are the worst right now if i once like fourth quarter things start heating up i make a couple comments and it's like you you won't even watch the fucking game bro then if i do try to tweet it you're not a real fan nobody wants to fucking hear from you man i don't know man what

is it dude i've been watching the jets what do you want me to tell you i'm not invested enough like i am with the mets to tweet about every fucking first down yeah the mets i'm tweeting about every goddamn pitch the jets i'm not doing that all of a sudden you're not a real fan the gatekeeping with them is fucking they might be the worst in all the land right now. But yeah, those tweets of like, let's go, or just like, I'm watching the game. I want credit. Yeah, right. 100%.

They're like, if you're not having an actual commentary on a play or something like that, and I get it's part of our job, and it probably would behoove me to keep doing caps locks. Like, whoa, go! At some point. But it is like, I don't know. I do positive thing, and then like, I don't know like i do positive thing and then like i don't

know if there's something in particular to talk about with the goal i'll talk about something interesting in general great pass or something like yeah i don't need to what am i adding to the world with that and really i'm not at the game if i was at the game i'd be screaming yelling nonsense we're going go yeah but i'm not there i'm not adding to the noise i'm not adding to the atmosphere there's fucking no need for me to do that. But then sometimes I'm like, our job is – this is our arena. You know what I mean? This is our – we're on the field here almost to kick up the conversation and to garner the reaction and sway people or hype them up, get them positive, whatever. But then I also think – I go back and forth, back and and forth that there's like 30 people watching right my twitter feed right now you know it's

like a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of fraction of my following which is already a fraction of the fucking world happens to be looking at my tweets at the time so you can't win with social media we i learned this we learned we both learned it this week with the Mitchell Miller situation, which I know we touched upon already. But Isaiah Meyer Crothers finally came out and spoke himself in a written statement. And pretty much, like, if there was room for one more nail in Mitchell Miller's coffin. Yeah, it's going to be real tough to come back to. It was even worse than I thought. This sounds bad.

There wasn't anything in that letter that I found particularly revelatory. Bro, I'll tell you what. There was a new word that came into effect. What's that? My. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That, to me, makes it so much even worse.

We'll call it a my N-word. No, I think... I'm going to pull the thing up just to be sure. I think I'm assuming it's a hard R and not a like, there's nothing good in any of this. I'm not trying to make any argument. Also, by the way, I think we've been very fucking even keeled with this. So do I. If you look at my tweets from early on, I didn't have any kind of question at all.

I was like, get him off the team first tweet. Get him off this fucking team. But once the agent went on a podcast and was saying completely conflicting stories,

which I know, of course it's his agent, the truth is in the middle, but they're outright lies. Somebody is blatantly lying. I expect an agent to bend the truth. They're outright lies. Somebody is blatantly lying. I expect an agent to bend the truth. Yeah.

They're outright lies. Now, so the agent came out and said things to the effect of like, oh, no, you're right. I had to say I was his N-word. Yeah, that is fucking. I thought he was saying, I thought I misread it and thought he would have to say Mitchell is mine. Yeah, no. Again, I'm not making anything sound good. No, no, no.

It's just... But it's... It was... And also him being... Oh, fuck. Can we pause for like a minute so I can take this FaceTime? This is your chance.

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Everybody knows it happened. He pled guilty to it. Like there's no denying that the question on hand me, and maybe it wasn't for other people, but my thing the whole time was this was already a situation where a juvenile court looked at it. A judge said, you don't look remorseful to me, so here's your punishment, X, Y, and Z. I think that included an apology and community service and some sort of counseling and therapy now that the question then from there and in a bigger discussion is like do you believe in any sort of rehabilitation can people change because if if you get punished and someone in the system gives

you the the punishment the sentence and you do all that what then do you then you get to go back into life regularly do you get to go into life and be a ceo probably not do you get to be a professional athlete we've seen a lot of times people do uh do you get to you know be a fucking car salesman like i'm sure if he was looking for a regular job nobody would care but a professional athlete is a lot of money and a lot of fame so people they call that a privilege. I don't know if I – I guess it's like a privilege, but you kind of earn it by being like super talented. I'd say you certainly earn the privilege. Right.

So it's like a – that's a weird thing to say. It's like if he applied to an investment bank, and I'm sure an investment bank would be like, we looked at your past. You're out. But if they said, yes, yes you're in would people stop that would you know what is the level you know but more importantly to me is like if if he had changed and you you've seen instances of people who like run community centers or become like politicians or whatever it may be where it's like i was once you know a fucking gang member or something and now i educate the children because i saw the error of my ways.

Wallow. Wallow's a perfect example. A guy we work with. Went to jail, did his time, came out, and now spends his entire life telling people not to be like he was when he was, you know, 17 years old or whatever. So some of the best people in the community are sometimes people who went through the fire and were raised poorly and did bad shit and now are better.

If he did all that and there was proof of it and the victim who he abused said, like, yeah, we've talked and he showed me all the work he's done and I actually believe he's taking strides in the right direction, then maybe a team could consider signing him. They still have every right to be like, we're not touching it, but maybe they could. And if he didn't, then it's fuck him. And I just kind of wanted to wait until we found out, fuck him. You can say fuck him for 2008 or when he was 14 years old, whatever the fucking,

that is like, fuck you. But if you believe in any sort of, I paid the price, I did my time time and now i'd like to try to resume my life then you got to at least wait till you find out find out everything and i guess what's also different you have to and this is playing out all playing out on social media where everybody arguing is seeing different things you know yeah so like i'm seeing some of people who are claiming to be his classmates. I was in class with both these boys, and here's what I saw.

Now, the person I'm arguing with maybe never saw that, you know? And I'm seeing a Snapchat video of Isaiah himself saying some stuff about his mom that you haven't seen. And, you know, so it's kind of like I just wanted to wait after what I heard from the agent and some of his classmates and the fact that i've never heard from him you know before you go that's once once the agent was like saying i mean like again stuff once this letter came out and that's where i find i think i quote tweeted the podcast that the agent was on and i was like has anyone just talked to isaiah yeah and i didn't mean put him on fucking cbs like nightly news i've been like has anyone just fucking called isaiah like yo what's the deal how do you feel about it and people have been quoting that non-stop

and they're like what do you say what's your argument put a mentally challenged person on this I'm like no I'm not has anyone fucking had a conversation

with the guy just talk to him because he is 20 years old he does have social media and puts out a lot of his own thoughts in the first place

I think he has some sort of job you know if it was someone who was like completely developmentally disabled I understand you can't say anything but i think in this case as we eventually saw through the statement he put out he is capable of putting out his own thoughts and feelings and in that statement he said mitchell like harassed him first of all it was one of the things too that the agent said that i was like whoa okay if that's real then hang on yeah and

it was like it was like um mitchell and isaiah's real, then hang on. And it was like Mitchell and Isaiah had been talking for – and by the way, I never want him on the Bruins. That's never been my argument. My argument from day one was like, this team does not need this problem. The Bruins made the same argument. Regardless of anything else. The locker room made the same problem. I'm just like – I don't know.

I'm just interested. The story is a big story. I'm just trying to figure out how to get the bottom of it. And the – fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. The agent was saying like they've been in contact and talking. yeah kind of just trying to figure out the bottom of it and um and the uh fuck if it was any the uh the agent was saying like they've been oh yeah like they've been talking for a full month it started with social media because we'd heard that he only apologized on instagram whatever right and then they moved to text and then it became phone calls and then they were going to meet up and hang out but isaiah's job prevented that and that's what the agent said and then isaiah made in his his statement, was like, first of all, he said, Mitchell has

been saying, why does your mom talk so much? And he said, my mom can say whatever she wants, but she doesn't speak for me. I speak for myself. Which is all that I'm asking for. Which is literally what I quote to you. Has anyone spoken to Isaiah? All I meant by that. Right.

And then later in the letter, he goes on to clarify that it was actually borderline harassment what Mitchell was doing. Right. Which, like, he would not leave me alone on social media. Right, right, right. And it's like, okay. It's like, yeah, you've been in contact 30 days, 30 straight days of people saying, yo, man, I apologize. Why are you doing this to me, you know?

And then people say, you know, so he has to relive this trauma to, like, prove the case. And while that is very upsetting, it kind of is like you either a don't, don't make this a public spectacle. And like, if you don't want to relive it, you can't also bring it to the forefront. Yeah. Every single time the guy,

this guy tries to go do something, you know, if, if you want to stop him from, uh, any sort of career, there's going to be people who are like, well,

let's check out this situation. What are the details? And then unfortunately going through all the details is like reliving it right that's why i i also i had a bunch of tweets where i said i know for myself i would not want my mom to do this i'd be like let that guy go play hockey i'm gonna go live my life yeah because i don't want all this and they're like well he's developmentally disabled i get all that i'm just saying if it was me so if i ever become developmentally if i get if i a vegetable one day, don't do any of this for me. If the situation arises, don't do it for me.

I don't want it because I don't want to relive it. But when he finally spoke up, a lot of people were like, is this what you needed? I was kind of like, yeah. I needed to hear from that dude, not from a mom. Listen, if we're going to just decide cases by like whether someone's mom is mad or not. I didn't need to hear from her, but I thought it was an interesting clarification. Yeah. It wasn't going to change my stance on it one way or another.

Oh, okay. Here's what I say. And it's a very damning clarification. Yeah, exactly so. It's like a, yep, there is no change. This guy is a total scumbag. He's actually worse than I thought before. Fuck him.

He doesn't deserve to play hockey or work at a fucking fast food joint. So I'm sure there's way too much nuance in a situation like this to even discuss it on social media. It's why you can't play Twitter. You can't do it. But thank God Musk is just ruining it. Oh, God.

You know what I liked about Musk? What? He tweeted, he was like, Twitter's going to do a lot of dumb shit over the next couple years. Like, we're doing trial and error. We're going to figure it out. I kind of like that.

I would not want that for my CEO if I had stock in the company. Yeah, I guess not, but I feel like... So how about this? Everyone can have a blue checkmark now? Because this is fake? Yeah.

So... Now there's also white checkmarks. Right right so like that no they got rid of those already they were like because they were sports had one earlier they were great check marks and there was an official thing right yeah that's gone already so he he they start that was like their their first plan of attack and then they completely ended that oh this app is so close to being dead i can't wait but see okay like what you just showed me like who fucking cares huh like oh we thought josh mcdaniel's was out he's not oh you know i i don't care but it's like it's a it's an issue i did like like i like when you're like everyone can just be verified no i'll just change my name to adam kyle gelling changed his to stephen cohen and said like de grom is the first priority right he's got like a hundred retweets and is he gonna does he get

banned i don't know. So that was the other thing. Elon stood up and was like, if you change your name and you do parody and you don't let it be known it's parody, you're banned. Yeah, which is also funny. Like, the guy who's like, we're bringing free speech back.

Yeah, but that's where people would say, like, you know, there's lines in free speech. And I would imagine impersonation is not one of those. My impersonation is completely fine. How is impersonation not fine? I think if you're – Jay Pharoah is doing Denzel? No, I think that's very different than I'm trying to deceive.

I think whatever, however you want to – but also like – so people are like, what are we going to do? How are we going to fix that? He's like, if you do it, you're gone. And then everyone was like, well, what about when we want to change our names for fun? Well, then you can't do that. You were up in arms about keeping the news safe and understandable for everyone.

Here's how we're doing it. We have a zero tolerance policy. Well, wait a second. We don't want that. I mean, what do you fucking want? If you have problems with fake accounts,

here's how to do it. Don't allow it. Done. End of story. But like, I think people changing their name is fun who cares i mean the app's supposed to be fun that well that's then then you can't complain about it being like i'm so worried about freedom of speech and stuff you

know i mean i so if you want it i i'm not too concerned with freedom of speech i mean like i'm anti-freedom of speech if you want the if you want the app to be about news and all that shit like these people are complaining then here, then here's how you do it. And then if you don't like that, then you go fuck yourself. It's like, what about when I hear something that's not true? That happens all the time. People are like, what about when we pretend to be you, Elon? And he was like, that happens to me every single day for the last decade.

Like, this is nothing new on Twitter. People are just bringing up things that happen all the time that guy you don't get kicked off for it well now you will but this is like all of these things that are not twitter blue has there's nothing new that guy um but what's his name the guy who impersonates everybody all the time and tricks them bob something bob um but whatever it's like there's been a million people who pretend to be Adam Schefter every trade deadline. What's the difference? Blue checkmark. Who cares?

I mean, it makes it a lot more official. People who just write a blue checkmark next to their name. People have been doing this kind of shit forever. Yeah, without the actual blue checkmark. It's definitely different. It's very different except for the fact that it's the same result. It's like some people are getting duped, and a second later, it's not real. Yeah.

That's just not a big deal to me. No, I agree. Right now, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Pearl Jam concert at the Apollo is live on the SiriusXM app, along with all sorts of other entertainment. If you're a music fan, you should get the SiriusXM app. If you're a sports fan, get the SiriusXM app. If you're a comedy fan, guess what? SiriusXXM app. If you're a sports fan, get the SiriusXM app. If you're a comedy fan, guess what? SiriusXM app.

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Eli Manning is just living life, by the way. If you want to see why Tom Brady should have just retired and not gone down this route and had to deal with divorce and, like, struggling on the field and shit, Eli Manning is the answer, dude. Drop that last part. It's coming, bro. Can I get some more?

It's coming. Okay. Are the Bucs winning or still losing? the are the bucks winning they're still losing where are they at they're like four and five i think yeah you don't you don't i know but that's just because their fucking division is so garbage eli manning just being the the man one of the they're about eli manning standard record what the bucks are's how he did it uh being like half of the manning cast like star and then if shit like this is going to be his new i don't i i saw this i never watched it i saw a lot of screenshots of it in the studio with phivio ford and who's that he's like a rapper

new york rapper uh he was on donda he did like collabs with Drake. It's like him and Pop Smoke were kind of like the new Brooklyn, new rappers from New York. Bucket hat, like a $1,500 hoodie on, ripping shots, which was very funny because it was him, another dude, and Fivio. And they're like, yo, we're doing shots. And they all like sipped like they did like half their shot and he even like

showed it even Eli did yeah I thought Eli would be a fucking Ole Miss gangster so did I right so he goes

the girl goes did you really drink it he goes I drunk it and Eli said that yeah he goes I drunk it and then he goes I didn't shoot it but I did little sips

and then Fivio shows his and there's like a good amount left and I was like this is just a bunch of guys who aren't good at doing shots but Eli he shows his and there's like a good amount left and I was like this is just a bunch of guys who aren't good at doing shots but Eli he has the face

he's like and I love it though because he's in a rap studio is Hennessy it was it was something brown they didn't say what it was but it's funny

he's in a rap studio I don't know why I threw Hennessy out there probably racism wow it's a good bet if you're in a rap studio you're probably drinking Hennessy

he goes like I did a little sips He goes I'm not shooting And it's just funny Like a corny white guy In a rap studio Being like

I don't shoot I don't shoot But the whole look man Just Smiling with that Eli face I don't know how That comes about What is he

Is he like On the song Or something like that I don't know I think he was just Like in the studio I guess I mean this guy's from Brooklyn.

Maybe he's just a huge Giants fan. They get connected somehow. Do you want to come hang out? And Eli's just like, yeah, why not? When you're at that point of retirement where it's just like, I don't care. Why not do these things? Let's just get the fuck out of the house and go party with rappers. Could you imagine if there was like eli manning scandals he's one of those guys that i think

people would be like rocked to hear like what kind of scandal like a like a me too thing or something like that if you found out that eli manning was like a bad dude i mean i know his brother rubbed his nuts on that girl's face, allegedly. I was going to say, he might run in the blood. No, I don't think that was alleged. I think that's just a proven thing. Yeah, I'm just saying that's why I want to get sued. It was just before...

Before people cared. Yeah. Wait, I said this the other day, right? With the Corey Dillon one? Yeah, was that on the podcast? I forget. I think it was on an interview. I don't know if it aired yet, though.

Was it? Dude, so the other day... It was with Bobby and Ari, I think if it aired yet though was it dude so the other day uh it was with bobby and ari i think yeah oh was it yeah so on the regular podcast we'll say the um that there was we're looking up like other bad boston athlete signings and uh in the wake of the mitchell miller stuff and cory dillon came up and we're like what happened with cory dillon i know he had some domestic spirit then we googled it and Corey Dillon had he got arrested for domestic abuse

or violence or whatever it was and went to court and instead of doing jail time or whatever it was he got probation and had to pay

$750 $750 to a charity not $750k $750 and and one of the people

having this conversation with me their response was damn you could have done anything pre-9-11. Thanks, Osama. You really could, man. And that's kind of what the Peyton Manning thing is. Yeah.

Pre-9-11, it was fine. Also, he was a kid, man. He was a kid. Apparently that doesn't work anymore either, though, right? Eli Manning, would you rather be Eli or Aaron Rodgers? Would I rather be Eli or Aaron Rodgers? Oh, I mean, I'm taking their personality, or I'm just taking their body.

You're living their life. I'm living their life. So everyone runs around saying you're the greatest of all time, and you get praise, and everybody's a man. I think that one finally fell off the cliff. Finally, Max Kellerman's cliff got hit. It was Aaron Rodgers falling off. Or you're Eli, who everybody knows you have a 500 record,

but you have the two most unbelievable. Thank you. Is this the mineral water from the mountains? Bro, when we sat down at the diner, this guy who very clearly spotted Jackie as an Italian girl from New Jersey right away, like immediately knew. So Colleen's wearing the headband. She looks like straight out of Colorado, like just got off the mountain, right?

And Jackie's in like a hoodie. All she needed was like some cigarettes or long nails ordering, like, can I get some chili here but the guy spotted her right away as a uh as a tourist and he was like have you had the water out in where did he say like some creek denver yeah like we had the water out in denver creek and like and no and he like, you gotta have it. Mineral water, it is the best. Did you guess him? No, I didn't. Because, I mean, how, you know, we're not talking about a fucking, you gotta have the steak here, man. Have you had their fish?

It's fresh from the dock. I'll tell you what. You want that water? Gotta have that fucking water now, man. I mean, I actually think mineral water kind of tastes gross. I don't even, I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference. It's got like, it's got a little tinge to it, I actually think mineral water kind of tastes gross. I don't even know. I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference. It's got like a little tinge to it, I feel like. But yeah, man, my point being, Eli Manning's living that life.

I remember running into him in Hoboken once, and this was probably... Remember him in the fucking Daniel Jones' Red Green Rock? Yes. Yeah, yeah. He pops up every now and then and does shit like that, because I think he can party a little more than you think even though that shot was disappointing but i feel like he gets down uh it's just probably like maybe one super bowl in i don't know about the second one and he was just like pushing his daughter in a stroller wearing like dad khaki

shorts in hoboken yeah there's like a there's a building at the the top like the end of hobo the north end of hoboken that's like super luxury it's near the right next like the end of Hoboken, the north end of Hoboken. That's like super luxury. It's near the, right next to the stadium and all that shit. So a lot of athletes live there and he was just like walking on the pier.

I feel like that's like someone, I guess there are, I think there might be a few Bruins who live in Southie, but that's like, like Brady living in Southie.

That's what I mean. I think it was maybe pre the second one where at that point you're still a Super Bowl winner, but it was like, and I only saw him that one time,

but I just feel like he lives that like, I don't know, man. I mean, being Aaron Rodgers, if I had Aaron Rodgers, I would, it would be a nightmare to be inside Aaron Rodgers' head. If I'm bringing my own personality, that's a different story, but being Aaron Rodgers' head must be

absolute fucking hell. Especially because being on the outside of Aaron Rodgers' head with that hair. Dude, he did the Pat McAfee show. They did the Pat McAfee show Tuesdays. By the way, shout out to Pat McAfee, kid on the way of Aaron Rodgers head with that hair. Dude, he did, uh, he did Pat McAfee show. They did Pat McAfee show Tuesdays, by the way, shout out Pat McAfee kid on the way. Congrats, bro.

Um, big shout out to him. I mean, enormous shout out to his, his wife for going through everything that she's had to go through for Pat though, to, to like the career that he's been juggling while doing all that at home is

wild. Impressive. When you have a struggle like that at home, to do anything is tough. He's doing fucking WWE and FanDuel and fucking everything under the sun. He is a monster, man. That is a monster couple. I don't know what you're talking about.

She had like two miscarriages. Oh, fuck. She had two miscarriages. They did IVF. Oh, shit. I had no idea about that. She was pretty open about it, so it was like a public struggle.

But both of them Are fucking monsters The But when he was on When Rodgers was on The McAfee Iron Rodgers Tuesdays

He like Like the last thing Like the last bastion Of like I still have it Is like I don't care what The talking heads say

It's like Dude you threw Three red zone In a second With two I think Yeah you don't care Three picks Two red zones Yeah I don't care what they say because they're all –

Three picks, two red zones. I don't pay attention to that stuff. How old is he? I think you do. Rodgers? Yeah. I would guess late 30s. Yeah, he probably should have hung him up.

I would have made like that one last run where Brady beat him. I would have been like, ah, you know. He got like – I mean, his deal. I think he makes $50 million. Yeah, that's crazy. All right, we got Christina P. on the show today. Tom Segura. Christina P. from your mom's house.

Christina was a fucking delight. She's awesome. She is awesome. And sometimes when I see power couples like Tom and her, I'm always curious as to how they work because their lives have changed drastically from the beginning to the end. I think she was saying 2015, they were living in

not a poor house, but a house that couldn't fit them and their kids. Right. And then she was like, man, we need to move. And Tom was like, we can. We can move. She tells the story in the interview. But when you jump into megastardom, which is in the internet and comedy

world, he's the top. He's not megastardom which is in in the internet and comedy world he's the top you know he's not like mega stardom in the like a justin bieber sense but like in our realm he is you know top dog right there with like joe rogan and all the money changes and everything changes like you would think that your relationship changes too and you got to have like a rock solid thing going with a guy or a girl to really make it through that transition. Because money changes people and fame changes people and travel changes people and all that. And she's like, yeah, no. I was with him from the very beginning.

And we are like rock solid. And I've always had his back. He's always had mine. And it just was like, God. And then when you When you talk to her though You can really tell why It's like yeah

She's a down ass bitch Yeah Like behind the scenes at home They're just sitting on the couch talking You can tell that It's not the type of woman Who it's like Oh my god

You know It's like They are Basically like Pals Yeah You know She is a funny chick

She's awesome But she starts to let it rip It's even better So Christina P's on the show. We'll do some voicemails in a second. Quick, though, we've got to do Am I the Asshole? Hey, dude, our insanely comfortable, light, easy shoes.

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A little bit late from the Halloween world. I have a Halloween... I don't know what I'm trying to say. This is from Halloween. Emma the Asshole, 21, female, for embarrassing my little brother, 18, male, with my Halloween costume. My brother, 18, me, 21, female, for embarrassing my little brother, 18, male, with my Halloween costume. My brother, 18, me, 21, go to the same university.

I play soccer, and my teammates nicknamed me Dump Truck Danny because I've gained a bit of weight in a specific area. I thought the nickname was harmless and funny, and no one on campus really made me feel weird, a.k.a. I got a fat ass and people like it and they talk about it and I like when they talk about it. Dump Truck Danny. Dump Truck Danny. For Halloween, I decided to play up the nickname and I was a dump truck for Halloween and even put oversized load sign on my back. I told my brother what I was going to be

and he said he would never talk to me again if I went through with the costume because it would embarrass him. I don't think he was serious. I didn't think he was serious and I went through with it. Now it would embarrass him. I don't think he was serious. I didn't think he was serious, and I went through with it. Now he's actually not talking to me, and a lot of my family is saying I shouldn't have worn that costume. I'm honestly not sure if I should apologize or not.

Brother, I am sorry that your sister has a fatty, but that's – So wait, what was her costume? I know she had the dump truck Danny on the back. It said oversized load on her ass. Right, right, right. Yeah. You know, first of all, going to college with your sister, bad idea. You're 18.

Dude, that must happen so often. Just because siblings go to the same school. Yeah, and legacy and all that shit, for sure. But, you know, people fuck at college. People party at college. People have big butts at college. You know, rumors people fuck at college. People party at college. People have big butts at college. People get, you know, rumors go around at college. Non-rumors, like, real stories go around at college.

Like, you're going to be doing your thing. She's going to be doing her thing. That's, you know, not great. But, like, this is pretty harmless, you know. It is. She put up, like, she wore a fucking costume that was like, I'm Danny the fucking whore, and I fuck everybody. Did that one that goes viral every year, the come on, Eileen? Yeah.

Remember the girl in ASU who just was naked? No. This is old school Internet 1.0. She just is wearing high heels and a purse. She's just naked, pussy out at a Halloween party. Really? The only picture is her from the back with blonde hair. I think there's maybe one from the side, but I think it's just like pussy out it is wild it's probably like 2010

um you know she does that we've got we've got a situation dump truck danny wears a fucking i have a fat ass like i don't know fat ass who cares like it's it's weird that you're making it a thing yeah yeah like the more you talk about it the more that you that means you sit around thinking about how fat your sister's ass is. Brothers who are protective of their sisters, I think are weird. It's like one thing, obviously if your sister is fucking assaulted

or abused or something bad is happening to her, that's one thing. But it's like, you can't go out like that. You know what people are going to say? Who gives a fuck? Live your life. I think that there's... She's older.

Like, it's not really your... As someone with two sisters, like, growing up my whole life, people would be like, are you going to do something about that? Like, what? She's talking to a guy. No. I think all of it. Your boyfriend is the same thing.

Like, why are you... People are like, what does your boyfriend have to say about, you know, that costume or that picture or what you said on the internet or whatever like uh i don't fucking know like we're both adults and we're allowed to do whatever we want with our lives 21 years old you can talk about the fuck she wants like what are you talking about and then but then i would get my own head about it like am i like a bad brother right should i be i'm not a fucking psychotic man who's like yeah what are you doing talking to men right right i mean you know what i love it and i also

you know you got to see exactly what there's a difference between like i put on some weight in my butt area versus like i don't know you're walking around with a fucking donk and this costume is showing it off and everybody's that's what my sister wanted to do fucking do it yeah she's what 21 yeah 21 and he's 18 I'm gonna do whatever The fuck I want bro How about you Shut your goddamn mouth Yeah for real Like

Imagine my sister Like you can't You can't say that On a podcast I'd be like How about this Shut up Shut the fuck up

Yeah I'm just saying That wouldn't bother me I'm saying Maybe if the costume Is super risque Maybe if it's more Than we're

We're not just talking About like She's a little bit Bigger in the butt But that's just for you To be like Ugh this sucks And that's Your friends are gonna be like, oh, this sucks.

Your friends are going to clown on you. Your friends are going to be like, I want to fuck your sister in the ass. And they're going to say all these things because that's what happens. And you just got to deal with that because that's how it goes, bro. Yeah. I mean, it's just people live their own lives. Yeah. And to not talk to her.

I'm never going to talk to my sister again because she wore a Halloween costume on Halloween. That bitch and her butt. If you don't trim down that ass, we can't talk anymore. Okay, weirdo. Yeah, like, why are you focusing on your sister's ass that much? You're a fucking psychopath, bro.

You're the one making it weird by talking about your sister's ass and whether or not, you know, what she can do with it. Freak. What is this video you got? We've got a video

of the asshole submission here. I'm moving out. As soon as we became one Whatever is his is also mine So I pretty much live my life As I please And that's just the way it is Like I don't know what else to tell you So I mean The thing about this girl It's not the one we were talking about

No no that's her Oh but it's not the same one It's a new one Yes it's a new video So this girl I don't remember her name or the or her her husband but i saw these videos where if she's if it's a troll or like for fun she's very good at it yeah because what she does is first of all she never like

she never she exaggerates but she doesn't go too far where you're like you know what there are some of these girls out here who think that way i mean i i don't think they're wrong well let's so let me just explain what this girl does before we'll talk about this specific instance so she'll like also start very real like the question is like how do you how do you and your man like stay faithful when he's like on the road all the time and she's like i make sure that at the end of every night, like he calls me and I know that he's back at his hotel. And then part two is like, you know, I have the passwords to his social media so I can see what's going on.

And by the end of it, she's like, I make them, there's a private jet that no females will be on that he flies separately. If there's a meeting in a conference room where there are females,

he has to go outside of that room and zoom into it. And all of a sudden you're like, oh, wait a minute. This is all a fucking joke. And it makes me think that she's actually probably one of the coolest chicks out there and that she's kind of being funny about it. This instance, though, is one of those topics where it's like – I would venture to guess that's 90% of professional athlete wives. She's not alone.

I'm not saying it's wrong. Yeah. If I married Giselle, she's on the market again, I'd be like, guess what, babe? I'm spending money. Here's a question for you.

If Giselle wanted to hook up with you or date you, would you do it? I'd ask Tom's permission first. Right. Tom would have to. If Tom said no, if Tom was like,

yo, dude, I... If Tom didn't say no Right. Tom would have to. If Tom said no. If Tom was like, yo, dude, I. If Tom didn't say no, but if Tom said to you like, boy, you know, this is obviously this kind of sucks, but like, hey, you're both adults. You can do what you do. What would you say? Dude, I probably would, but I wouldn't. Dude, I probably would. It is like, if she approached me, I'd be like a 17th century wife or a woman.

Where I'm like, did you talk to my father? We talked about a dowry here? Have you asked for my father? That would be tough. She was like, I want to marry you, and I'll give you all my money and everything. And Tom Brady said no. Did you talk to daddy? But most people yeah like that's why you fucking get rich is to not work like I got that again whether she's serious or not in that

particular video so it's Jawan Johnson and that's his wife and they have like a joint tiktok so like yeah and they have a lot of more fun with it but like that is a topic that I do believe is also like a pretty valid discussion my mom says this shit all the time. She's like, cause so in my experience, I've always done keep your own account. And then you also have a joint account that you both put into. And I think that's a pretty good compromise where you keep your own finances. You have your own paycheck.

How does that work? And then you, you, you choose how much you put in every month. Uh, yeah, there's usually like a great and agreed upon amount. And then,

you know, in this case now I use it it to send money over every month. But we used to use it as like, let's start saving for the wedding. Let's start saving for a house, whatever. And then if there's bonuses, you know. But even that can kind of get dicey where it's like, how much do you want me to put in there? I was going to go to London with the boys. Right, right.

But also I was like free to buy a fucking million pair of sneakers because I had my own account, and they would show up at the door, and she'd be like, wait a minute, what's going on? But it's like, I have the money. I asked for discreet packaging. Send them one at a time. I don't know. But a lot of people don't. My mom is always joking that me and my brother and everybody handles it that way,

and she's like, you guys are fucking crazy. You get married. Everybody's money is everybody's money. You have one account. Like, your father made the money i stayed at home when i made the money like we all went to the same place like fuck that yeah and my dad's he's like i don't pay any of the bills i don't deal with any of the bullshit i just make the money and put it in and then she does all the shit so like it's cool we're good and my dad describes it as i buy you fly yeah yeah and i'm sure in this case like she like, she's another one.

She was very open about her struggles with getting pregnant. So I'm sure she's trying to be like a family mom. And she probably, I don't know, does whatever. I don't know, fucking maintains the house and does interior decorating of their, whatever it is. It is like, I mean, it's just what a homemaker does. That's your job is being a homemaker. Right. It is like, whether it's a fucking pro athlete or a regular dude he's always laughing like my mom took my dad out to dinner for his

birthday that's that's actually how this whole thing came up we were talking about getting gifts for each other my mom hasn't gotten a gift from my dad in like a hundred years because she's like it's just money coming out of an account that i get nervous about when it's lower so you're actually making my like you're ruining my birthday by me being worried about money so uh fuck that but uh yeah that's that to me is uh if you're a pro athlete you know and your your wife is gonna spend your money how much you're gonna live like poor yeah because he's the athlete like this is not how this shit works being like overly attitude about it but it's like yeah of course i mean this is a big this is a curb episode which is one of my favorite curb episodes with a pro athlete involved no no no it's it's it's too rich guys but it's larry and uh i don't i actually it's not a very often recurring

character but they go out to dinner and um and they always larry always picks up a check and this one time this guy picks up a check this guy you always go into the bathroom when the check comes that kind of deal which i never ever considered or thought about but recently i just happened to have to go to the bathroom and i was in the bathroom like oh my god fucking hurry up like the check might come out i think you're trying to fucking state this um but the uh larry thanks the guy he's like thank you very much for dinner. And then the wife is like, are you going to thank me too? And Larry is like, no, no, it's not your money.

She's like, well, we treated you to dinner. That's funny though. I mean, I would say thank you guys to both of you. Right, oh,

I would too. But it's Larry, Larry. Dude, and then she's like, and then he still did, it's one of the older seasons, he's still married to Cheryl.

And she's like, so like, so when Cheryl goes out and buys things, he's like, yeah, she's allowed to do that. It's my money, though. I'm allowing her. Yeah. He's like, no, she can buy whatever she wants, but it's my money.

The goat. Yeah, absolutely. That's it. All right. Let's do our voicemails. What do we got? All right. Before we get to voicemails, quick question.

New game. Weird or not weird? Oh, boy. I just went to the bathroom. I'm going to say weird. I just went to pee. We are all in the same hotel room. Jackie and Colleen are sitting right by the bathroom.

I intentionally aimed at the porcelain instead of the... Definitely weird or definitely not weird? No, definitely do that. No, that's the both. Okay. All right. You go for the backboard. I go side.

I go side. Side. All the way to the side go side. I go side. Side. Yeah, yeah. All the way to the side? Front side? Side side. Side middle, side front, side back. Left quadrant.

Left. No, not quadrant. Yeah, I guess quadrant. Or if you break it. I go right quadrant. You go right quadrant? Yeah. I go left because I go left.

But I go backboard. I'm probably more towards the front. I'm middle. Middle. Backboard. Backboard? Straight on? Yeah. Dude, because I don't know. I'm probably more towards the front. I'm middle. Middle. Backboard. Backboard? Straight on? Yeah.

Dude, because I don't know. I'm not comfortable with my accuracy for that. It also depends on how much water, how much space you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's why I basically went where I had the most room. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes it's shallow waters and you've got a whole field to play with. Other times we're talking tippy top and you're trying to kill the Death Star.

You got to get in that one hole. Yeah, this one was a little dicey. Yeah, yeah. It might have hit a little top a little bit. I went earlier and I just peed in the tub. In here? Yeah. That'd be funny.

You got a cake in a urinal? Or are you just filling up? Are you just fucking up that cake? Sometimes there's splashback if there's a little mat and a cake and i don't like that i paint the ceilings yeah john goes up up and over yeah he wants it to like cascade down yeah i make my little piss waterfall totally whack i like those places that put like a little tennis ball or a little something where you like yeah that's funny now

they have the fly i don't like the fly i'm always like why is it why is there a fly am i i think i talked about this at the office i thought we put a like, why is there a fly in my... I think I've talked about this at the office. I thought we put a fly in. It was just a fly in the office. Yeah. It's also such like a... Really a criticism of men as a whole. They're like, hey, you can just piss on the wall.

And somehow we still miss. Like, we got to give them something to play with. Like, they're pissing all over the floor. Underneath the urinal at work is the most disgusting floor of every city Bro it's been bleached It's like brown now It is a fucking nightmare It is discolored

The floor beneath the urinal is discolored Which you need You need The problem is the splash back You know But then the lower you make it Like those ones that are low all the way to the ground There's But then the lower you make it, like those ones that are low on like all the way to the ground, there's so much gravity by the end, it's like splatter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it's like tight and you're pissing on it, there's like, you know? Dude, in London, it was just full walls. You're just pissing on the wall. Just pissing on the wall. That's kind of wild. Dude, it was... No demarcation between the people?

Nope. Everybody just, you side up. There was a little grate at the bottom, obviously. Right. But like nothing in the bottom, obviously. Right. But like nothing in the grate, nothing like ice or whatever, like in the troughs. In China and Asia,

there's a hole, right? They just go hole in the ground. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Because they just shit in the hole. They just go like this. Imagine just going like this and just shit. That's what people

with the squatty potties. Crazy. People with squatty potties who keep them in public, you're fucking crazy. But the squatty potty at the office? No. There was just a squatty potty available keep them in public You're fucking Remember when we had A squatty potty At the old office No

There was just a squatty potty Available to use The back bathroom I'll be honest It does line you up Never used one It's a substantial difference I'm too self-conscious

You'll feel a difference Like that How people see me Like I would never ever have it Like just out Yeah it needs to be like You pull it out

But I'm also not Fucking pulling it out Every time I go'm also not fucking pulling shit out. Every time I go to the bathroom, it's an emergency. I don't have time for that. What do you think about the people with the urinal in their home? I don't care. I mean, I do what makes you happy, but I don't think I'd ever want a urinal in my house. I think it's one of those things that it's like, it's definitively tacky, but I would do it.

Yeah. I think it's like, yeah, this looks like I'm in the fucking bathroom. It looks like I'm in the fucking bathroom. It looks like I'm in a public bathroom in a personal, private place. But I think it's the move if you have a bunch of boys in the house or whatever. It's still a mess, as we can tell, but it's a lot less than a toilet. It is crazy how inaccurate just the male species is. Wild.

All right, voicemails, let's do it. What's up, guys? Tonight's game one, World Series. So I'm watching 2008 series where the Phillies wanted to get hyped for the game later. And I see Pat Burrell, and I'm reminded of all of his crazy sex stories. And it reminded me of your caller earlier this year or somebody that showed up at your one of your live shows uh that's the day to standing bet with their boyfriend but every time the phillies lost eat their ass or something like that oh if you're right about that oh yeah i'll never i feel like we need an update on this shit uh maybe we could do a callback or something phillies series run so the girl just bought tickets to the show in Denver.

Oh, let's go. We'll talk to you tonight, pal. Or, you know, yesterday night. The girl from Philly came up to us while we were partying, and she said – and I would have said that it was she just misspoke, but she told multiple people that she gets to eat his ass every time the phillies lose and this one they're bad this time they were bad yeah they were not good and so we were like boy this boy this boy's ass is clean and but it so it must have been a thing like

when i lose so this is what we never crack the case. It's like he needed a big pick-me-up after an L. Right, right, right. He's so depressed. I don't feel comfortable with it every night before I'm down. But she also made it as like I get to. Because she liked it. She was excited.

But she's rooting for the Phillies to lose every night then. Yeah. So she's into it, wants to eat his ass. He's so distraught. He's like, I need a tongue in my ass. Phillies lose. It happens. All of a sudden, they go on a World Series run.

So that guy, you know. So here's the thing. Here's the, this guy might have flown too close to the sun. Because the Phillies were racking up L's in the beginning. And even in the end. They were under.500 in the month of September. They were trying to hand that final wild card spot to Milwaukee. If they weren't bitches, the Phillies wouldn't have been in the end they were under 500 in the month of september they were trying to hand that final wild card spot to spot to milwaukee if they weren't bitches the phillies wouldn't have been in the fucking playoffs at all let alone the world series so you go through april may june like

the phillies did like 10 12 games back eight games back a second place you're starting to really get acclimated to getting your asshole eaten and then all of a sudden october comes and you guys can't lose a game but guess what's not happening at home anymore you know the he's in the world series like let's go phil's let's go fighting phil's then they you know fuck but you know then they lose and you're like okay well you know we lost the world series tonight but, then they lose, and you're like, okay, well, you know, we lost the World Series tonight, but hey, throw the likes back. So I don't know. You start to get – that's a dicey game you play, man.

It is tough. I think that game gets played a lot in the year 2022, not necessarily with the Phillies' loss, but just with the ass-eating. Trying to make it like a – Whether it's a thing or it's – Put your toe in that water. Well, I just mean like it happened. But there's a funny line Dennis Reynolds has in one of the more recent Sundays.

We were talking about a breakup. It's a chair song. And – Are you going to switch? No. I'm almost done with the finish line. Yeah. And they're talking about a breakup and Dennis is like –

I forget exactly what it is, but he's like, you know what I bet it was? I bet she ate his ass and he thought it was going to be an every night thing, and she's like, it's more of a birthday thing. Yeah, like, I think that it's an interesting time in hookup history where it's like, has this become a regular thing? It's become a regular thing for guys to girls. Yes. That's always been a regular thing, but then you know what comes next. Just fucking look at it.

Right. But as everything, everything, eventually everybody's doing it slowly, but surely, you know what I mean? So is it become regular? Not,

not quite regular, but it's also not totally a surprise thing. So what you do is you do these little funny things like, Hey, how about, you know, if the, if pasta things. Like, hey, how about, you know, if the apostate does the thing tonight, you have to, you know, because you're like,

what's going to happen fucking 55 times this year? Hey-oh! So, interesting. What type of treatment do you think you got after a World Series loss? So that's the thing, though. Almost, I wonder if at some point you go through and you come out the other side

where you're like, the Phillies are going to the fucking World Series. Like if he comes like, we're all just celebrating. Let's go. We're on Broad Street getting our asses licked. I don't know. They're a weird couple, man. They're a very, very odd couple.

All right. Let's do one more and then we'll get to Christina P. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a user manual. So when it's not working for you, it's normal to feel stuck. Navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure whether it's a career change or a new relationship

or becoming a parent. Therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills, which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour for the complex engine called you. We all here have done some therapy and we've done the online therapy, which has made it easier for all of us to make time to

figure out some of the things going on in our life. And I think we're all better for it here at KFC Radio. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with the therapist, and if things aren't clicking, you can switch easily to a new therapist anytime. It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash kfc that's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash kfc what's up you mutts got a hypothetical for you shout out sad boy season tis the season uh my name is justin

i got a hypothetical just real quick real short and easy could have been over by now. If there is one celebrity you got six months to train, six months to train, keep a count, weight, height, everything like that. Sure. Who do you think you could take down in a 12-round boxing match inside the ring? Oh, boy. Let me know. Love you guys. Love the pod. Thank Oh, boy. Let me know. Love you guys. Love the pod.

Thank you, brother. Most? I think my answer is most. Oh, you're saying just in general most celebrities? Like most. You give me six months to fight most 5'5 guys, I'm going to be in love. That's the thing is they're all surprising and small. But a lot of them are like Tom Cruise.

It's like, all right Cruise I'm not fucking with you yeah yeah yeah Jason Statham Tom Cruise these guys anybody who trains bro give me the fucking Disney lineup

I'll fucking crack their skulls and what about like just do I'll fucking Avengers let's go to the Avengers

nah fuck that not Avengers they could beat you up yeah yeah yeah okay so when you say Disney what do you mean oh I mean like

like fucking like – I think you have a shot against like Ruffalo, non-Hulk. Yeah, maybe I can probably take Ruffalo. I – you probably like – I bet you Mark Ruffalo probably like works out and does like – all these guys train now, you know? But they don't train off – like so I remember reading an article from a celebrity trainer. No, but they've all at least got like a little bit of, you know, I like punched some people in the face before. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That used to be – you could be in shape shape but you've never even like thrown a punch and i'm not saying these guys can like street fight but i'm just saying now almost every celebrity has like taken a course and know a little bit about handling themselves totally different if you were actually to fight but i'm just saying there's some sneaky guys who it's like yeah man i do fucking jujitsu every week you know yeah no that's for sure but also i i always remember the article i read by a celebrity trainer who was like he's like they don't look like that that's not what they look like like so i remember so um grace o'malley and her mom had that picture with like a fucking crazy amount of boston celebrities the other day you see that where

it was like it was fucking krasinski not all boston toots stanley tucci casey affleck and matt damon and people like well, Matt Damon looks chubby. And it's like, no, it's just he's not filming right now. Right. And the celebrity trainer was like, he said, I make sure they stay in I Can Get You Ripped in two months. I Can Get You There. Yeah. In two months, I Can Get You Ripped.

And by being like a fucking, you know, it's a nightmare. It's like you have to stick to it hardcore for 60 straight days. So obviously if they had six months of training too, that would be different. But when I say Disney, I mean like they start off with the glow sticks. Like, welcome to Disney. Oh, Disney Channel. Yeah, like bring Zack and Cody over here. I'll fucking run your show.

Yeah, we count the celebrity kids. Finn Wolfhard, I'll knock your head off. Give me the whole Stranger Things cast. You're all one by one. Bring them out.

You crossed up Hasan Minhaj. Wait till round three when I fucking hit you with an uppercut that puts you through the roof. When you punch her,

you left, you're ready. Ready. Interesting. I'm fairly ambidextrous with it, but I'm ready for sure. John is going to knock When you punch her You left her You're righty Righty Interesting I'm fairly ambidextrous with it But right hand from John Is going to knock out A lot of Hollywood A lot of kids

A lot of singers A lot of actors There's I could beat up like If you're an action movie guy Probably not Anyone else I could

I could Could you beat up Elliot Page That's my choice Elliot Page Oh fucking A Right Elliot Page would run my shit I was gonna say

Elliot Page would hit me With four quick ones And start doing sit ups In the middle of the ring Hilarious That's a great question Which celebrity Could you beat up with training

This is a good one The Yeah I mean like Dude like Like Stanley Tucci I love you bro I'll fucking knock like, dude, like Stanley Tucci. I love you, bro. I'll fucking knock your head off. I think Stanley Tucci's jacked.

Oh, he is. Whether or not he knows how to, like, throw that around. He likes... I would love... Stanley Tucci to me is actually a good fight. He likes to eat and drink. I think Stanley Tucci might work your shit. But he's little.

Is he? Yeah. He's also got glasses. I don't know. He's also got glasses. I would love, like, I would love Stanley Tucci to work your shit. I would love you to run this little act, and you jump in the ring, and you have no... Neither of you have any...

5'8". Listed 5'8". He's probably 5'6", 5'7". By the way, no disrespect to Stanley Tucci. I love him. It sounds like you're very much disrespecting Stanley Tucci. No, dude. No.

I would love it to be like you walk in there with this act. Tom Hanks? And he fucking. Tom Hanks, bro. Tom Hanks is getting it. I think you want him to live or you'd be down. That's the thing. We're not sparring.

You'd be, bow, body shot. I just broke your ribs. You can't breathe. Yeah. No, this isn't that celebrity boxing shit where everyone's going for the head. I'll work that fucking body, bro. I'll throw you in the corner of the ring. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Yeah, no. isn't that celebrity boxing shit where everyone's going for the head i'll work that fucking body bro i'll throw you in the corner of the ring yeah no that who's the last guy you would like

if if if they set it up for you and you walk in like the last person you want to see not from a he's gonna be me point of view from i'm gonna work this guy point of view and i don't want to. Charlie Day. Yeah. I got to do this to you. Come on, Charlie. Oh, DeVito, actually. Oh, yeah, DeVito. Imagine. No, Danny. No. You put a gun to me and my family's head

and you say, like, if you don't beat the shit out of Danny DeVito, we'll kill you and your family. I'd be like, we had a good run. We had a good run. Sorry, I can't do it. Dude, DeVito comes in. What's up, boys?

And I'm eating pizza with anchovies. Anchovies. You're going to beat up Tom? DeVito comes in. What's up, boys? And I'm eating pizza with anchovies. Anchovies. You're going to beat up Tom? DeVito beat that through a tube. Tom and Bert? Tom trains a lot. Tom trains a lot. And Bert is one of those guys where it's like, I don't think.

I think Bert and I would be a good fight. I think it would be a great fight. I could see him being like Rocky. I could see him just taking a punch. He's got to be drunk, obviously. This would be a drunk brawl. It's actually a celebrity boxing match.

We do it in a bar, like a bar fight, but we're in gloves. That would be awesome, but it's not even a ring. You could knock into tables. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not a cleared out.

It's a bar fight, but we're in boxing stuff. That would be so dope, dude. I think that would be... This is going to happen. Yeah. I think at the end, you guys are like rocky and apollo it's like both go down you end up just shaking each other's hands good scrap good scrap good scrap how could we fight how could we get john and bert to fight in a crowded bar no it couldn't be crowded there could be people it

could be a spatter of people yeah but like it can't be crowded because you gotta move a little bit i want no yeah yeah i want but i want's got to be. Yeah. But like, it can't be crowded because you got to be able to move a little bit. I want, no, yeah, yeah. I want, but I want like people to be sitting at the bar, a couple at a high top, a couple at eating dinner. And you can just like throw people through tables and shit. You have like gloves on, but it's a little bit of a street fight. I know some people that own bars. Like, we go to Hagwish.

Honestly, the real answer, I'd be like, how do you get them to do it? I don't know. Like, each have a bunch of whis, and I'll start arguing with them. Start revving them up a little bit. Who knows how it ends? That's a very good question. Let us know what you think on social media. Let's get into it with Christina P. on KFC Radio.

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For terms and conditions, go to Dave.com slash legal. Instant transfer fees apply. Banking provided by Evolve. Member FDIC. Future you will thank you. Got water? Drink and fart. Oh, yeah? Or whiskey. Whatever you want. Are you going to do that?

You want to, girl. Don't threaten me with a good time. No! I'm sure we got some weed floating around. We got some edibles. Where are you guys from originally? I'm from the Boston area. I'm from Massachusetts.

Southern Mass. I'm from the Boston area, following from Massachusetts, just like Southern Mass. Southern Mass. I'm a New York guy. Did you grow up in the city? No, no. I was born in the Bronx, like on the outskirts, so the Bronx and Westchester.

People who grow up in Manhattan are fucking lunatics. Well, we can talk about that because I saw like two 11-year-old kids at Starbucks and they were like, no eye contact bitch i've told this story before we're like there was one time i was walking home from work

and this story is so creepy i should stop telling the way you tell this story so problematic i know exactly where you're going where it was like i mean i to God, this kid was six. Like, their backpack was bigger than them. It was a boy, if that makes it better. Nope. Nope. How dare you gender somebody's child without their consent.

But I, like, he was so, I know, like, the New York kids, like, just have to run in the whole city. They can do whatever they want at all times. And I was like, but I was like, even he is borderline too young. Like, he might be lost. So I, like, followed him. And then I realized. That's so creepy. I followed him.

Following a small boy around the city. I realized I followed him, like, six blocks past my apartment. And I was like, all right, this is, I'm going home. Whatever's going to happen to this kid is going to happen to this kid. You go home and check the news and there's some dead kid in the sewer No when Every day During the school year

At like 2-3pm When school lets out I like stay off the streets of New York People say you know Don't go in the park at night No no no Don't go on the streets At 3pm

These kids will run your shit They're all fucking smoking cigs and drinking out of brown bags. And I'm like, you're fucking 11. And they're like, what about it, Whitey? Get the fuck out of here.

I'm like, all right, sorry, sorry, sorry. Dude, this kid had a full Mad Max haircut. And I was like, you're bad, dude. And he knew not to even look at anybody. My favorite, we used to work with Asa Akira,

who's a porn star. I love Asa Akira, who's a porn star. I love Asa Akira. She's the fucking best. And she grew up, like, Manhattan. And I'm pretty sure she said, like, I did coke before I, like, drank. For sure. They do everything out of order. She's like, on Molly, and fucking coke before you got a cigarette and, you know,

stole from your dad's liquor cabinet. It's bananas. Being stone sober the first time you ever do coke, you'd be like, holy shit. That's a good point. Whoa! I'm like 12, I already have energy. Holy shit! I think she was sober by the time she was like 17. Yeah, she went like so

hard and then was done. See, are we rolling? Yeah, we're rolling. Yeah, like I think, I know, it's so much better just to fucking just go. I think too, like, it's almost better to grow up in a big city like this like in a war zone because i grew up in los angeles so you do i smoked heroin accidentally when i was like 15 at a party so then by the time i was in college i was like oh good to go fucking zima who cares you don't really well it's like the uh how'd you smoke heroin accidentally

was it a goth party i was goth for like a decade and they just were passing around a thing and you know when you're a kid. Wait, what a thing? Like a bomb or like a pipe? A pipe is usually like a bowl or a bong, you know. A pipe is usually filled with crack.

Yeah. It was at least one red flag there. A pipe device a little different but yeah I was kind of an idiot so and then after the fact

they were like that's heroin or you knew you were like whoa no my subsister was like we just smoked heroin

and I was like no shit 15 jeez yeah so we just sat on the couch and watched like an easy stitch commercial

like a thing and my mom showed up and pulled us out of the party it was it was traumatic were you like rocked or was it kind of just like i don't know how that works to be honest until you're doing like needles you're good you can smoke a little h and it's no big deal but so did you do drugs early too because i was i was still a pussy with drugs but i we drank

and a lot and the town i lived in um had the town right next to me had like three or four bars that let you in at like the age of 15 so like from from like i knew kids it wasn't me because again i was like a little bit like i still respected my parents but i knew kids going to bars in like eighth grade but by like 10th i would we were like we had our you go to this bar on fridays and this bar on saturdays open bars drink specials we're doing shots like so i had bar life for you know by the time i got to college people were like oh we get to go to bars now and i was like yeah over it but i i still even to this day like i smoke a little weed. I'm going to have to get into mushrooms

because apparently if you don't do mushrooms, you're a loser. At this point, you're a fucking dork if you don't do mushrooms. Well, see, I feel like I need to work on my pot game because I'm very good with alcohol, but my tolerance is not as high with weed. And I always do too much and have panic attacks. Well, yeah, that you got to figure out. But I like

having, when you're young, you're like, I don't want to have a low tolerance. When I'm older, I'm like, fuck a tolerance. I want to be able to take a nibble of something. The other day, I took two hits of a joint, and I was fucking zooming. And I was like, okay, next time it's going to be one. One is the secret. And that's it. One is the secret.

And you feel ridiculous because you fucking, you got to either get it and roll or do whatever. And then all you do is hit it once. You feel like, all right, alright I need to get a couple no no just do one I know but see it's not as gratifying

as drinking cause you know you have more it's a whole thing what's your what's your drink of choice I'm the lamest I do

I'm just a Sauvignon Blanc yeah but even that it's like okay a white lady drinking Sauvignon Blanc is a tough look these days not gonna lie

you just see that and you're just like, bitch. I'm very basic that way. But also, like, fuck it. That's another thing. When you're younger, I'm like, I got to drink hard whiskey or something that's tough. And then by the end, I'm like, I don't give a fuck, man. Well, because you get sick.

You puke. And you're like, oh, I'm never drinking that. Well, tequila I've gotten into in my old age. That's another thing, too. Tequila is one of those things. What's something that rich people and poor people both do? Yeah. Like, well, tequila I've gotten into in my old age. That's another thing, too. Tequila is one of those, you know, those things, what's something that rich people and poor people both do? Yeah. Tequila is kind of one of those.

Really? Well, think about it. You're either drinking, like, the brown, like, Cuervo with the fucking worm in it, and you're, like, you know, a college kid or whatever. That's so funny. Or you, like, figure out the Don Julio's or whatever. Yeah. Because I feel like you can do, like, tequila tastings now where you're drinking, like,

you know, $100 shots. What a great topic. Something that both rich and poor people. Oh, it's my favorite. Because, like, cocaine is kind of one of them, too, right? It's interesting. It's like you're doing, like, shitty coke on the street if you're a homeless person or you're doing, like, high-end coke in, like, you know, the penthouse.

Well, I just had at someone's fancy house Frito pies. I guess those are coming in. Like, that's the Porsche that I eat growing. You know what I'm talking about?, Frito pies. I guess those are coming in. Like, that's the Porsche that I eat growing. You know what I'm talking about? A Frito? No. You take a bag of Fritos

and a can of chili and you dump the chili in the Frito bag. It's the most white trash. Yeah. Yeah. Now that you say it, I have heard of it.

And then you just eat out of the bag? It looks like diarrhea. Yeah. Guess what we're doing? I'm on a chili kick right now. I'm going to just put some Fritos. You are? Yeah.

Come on. Yeah, see, white people love chili. That's what I'm saying. I get right now I'm gonna just put some You are? Yeah Come on Yeah see why people love chili That's what I'm saying I get very like Obsessed with like I'll eat chili for like Three straight weeks now Like I just get on something

And then I eat it Until I'm like Yeah I do that too But not Yeah Chili Chili do you shit

Then do you No I also When I eat like tacos a lot I don't get like that I don't know My asshole just is weathered and veteran by now

it just like knows what it's doing I basically don't have a solid bowel movement from once the fall starts yeah why

it's just chili and fucking it's just chili it's chili and whiskey is all I do in the winter your fucking ass is like as soon as the weather

turns your asshole is like another back in the trenches, here we go. Dude, my ass is like fucking Westeros. It's like, winter is coming, boy. Can I tell you the thing I finally figured out? Well, I don't know if you travel a lot, but you ever take those early morning flight dumps in the airport?

Yes, those are the best. Dude, airport dumps are the best, bro. The best and the worst for cleanup. Anyway, you can buy wipes in the airport. Yes, those are the best. Dude, airport thumbs are the best, bro. The best and the worst for cleanup. Anyway, you can buy wipes in the airport and then use those. I never thought of that. I think airport bathrooms are pretty often like incredibly clean.

I think airport bathrooms, and if you're ever in a pinch on the highway, don't do the rest stop. Get off, go to a hotel. Hotel lobby. Oh, that's a move. That's a great life hack. Yeah, follow the lodging signs.

Wow. What room are you in, sir? The bathroom. I'll be fine. You got to walk in like you own the place. They will be like, can we help you? Give a wave to concierge That's a good safe haven Toilet

There is a safe haven I had Bookstores When those existed That's good Were excellent places To take a public dump Yeah I feel like

Not a lot of people Blowing that up right Not a lot of people Blowing it up You walk in You're like But actually I would disagree with that

I would think And maybe Because I'm not a coffee drinker, I don't really understand the culture. Oh, yeah, you drink a lot of coffee. I think a lot of coffee drinkers in bookstores. Yeah. You drink a lot of coffee? I'm thumping out.

Yeah, all the time. And the irony is that Starbucks has the worst bathrooms. Yeah. But they create a product. A lot of homeless guys masturbate in it. In New York, you go to a Starbucks bathroom, you get ready for war. Yeah. Well, I'm so in love with New York that every time I come here, I'm like,

hi, everybody. I'm here. Like, I'm just smiling. How often do you come here? Oh, every few months. And how long do you stay for? Like three days. Yeah.

That's it. That's it. But I use the restroom over at the pizza place on the corner. And that was dicey. Why couldn't you? Why didn't you just come here? Because I wanted the real deal.

I wanted to pee where the guys with the yellow vests pee. I heard them talking and doing the thing. I just love it. You have to sit on their piss. You have to sit right on their piss covered toilet. I walked down the street and some guy was like, butter bing!

It's so great. If you came a little bit closer to the pandemic, this block was dicey. I mean, there was just needles in arms of zombies walking around. And it was like, whoa. I thought this kind of shit was only in the movies. Or fear mongering on the internet. And I was like, no, that's real.

They're right there. They're right there. Philly's the worst, though. Philly's the night. Philly is like And I was like, no, it's real. They're right there. They're right there. They're right there. Philly's the worst, though. Philly's the worst. Philly's like a walking edge. Philly is like everyone's on like, what, Perk 40s, whatever they call them, like something like that. And it's like, it is, it truly is. We had a show there.

We did a show at the Fillmore. I forget. And then we dropped some stuff at the hotel and then went to this bar, McGinn's, I think it's called. And I was walking alone. And it was just like it really it truly was like everyone was a zombie and then some dude stopped me and he just goes hey man do you have five bucks and I was like no I don't I'm sorry he goes come on bro I'm about to shit myself

and I was like what are we gonna do with the five bucks well my friend Rob Eiler had a great idea he's like there should be like a membership club for New York City toilets where you pay a premium

and you get to go to the bathroom in like the greatest toilets of New York City and like that I would pay for that I think a friend of mine had the idea for an app that maybe not

like so much of a paid one but just like an app that we like a yelp but for toilets yeah you know like where the good ones are that app um i i think your friend stole that idea um it's it's curb oh yeah it's uh it exists no no no the curvy enthusiasm um george's character the season where they like the Seinfeld reunion George's character got rich inventing an app because that's something he talks about

in Seinfeld where George can like he just knows off the top of his head clean toilets and then in the Curb reunion season he became like a billionaire

off that app my buddy my buddy took a shit on the George Washington Bridge there's a bathroom like a little port-a-potty type thing on the George Washington Bridge

and so special I got a couple friends who i don't know they just shit all the time so they kind of know like all the spots like if like there was a period of time in murray hill where they were kind of like that they're like you go here you go there but he was also uh he ran track for columbia and that's on the upper west side and they would run over the bridge and one time he was running had to take a shit and there was a bathroom. And I was like, I can't even imagine how disgusting a bathroom

on the George Washington Bridge is. But I think it's kind of the opposite. I think it's actually clean because not many people are using it. He's going to stop on a bridge. At that point, you're shitting your car, man. I don't know.

I've had one time where I had like, I had some real bubble guts on the bridge. Just shit off the bridge. I luckily got off and guts on the bridge and just shit off the bridge I I luckily got off and I made

took the exit and this is at night and I just like went into the woods but I had a plastic bag in my car and for some reason I shit in that

in the woods in the bag in the bag and then like at the end I was like why am I now I just have a bag

of shit like why is this shit in the woods we're talking so much about disgusting things I did not see coming with you but I love it really Why does he have a bag of shit? Why is his shit in the woods? We're talking so much about disgusting things that I did not see coming with you, but I love it. Really?

Oh my God. My buddy, he went to NYU and I went to Fordham. So he came up to the Bronx. We had like a night of natty lights and fucking pizza and all that shit. And then on his way back downtown to NYU,

he starts getting the bubble guts and everything. And he was like on the subway being like, I'm going to shit my pants. And he's like walking back, squeezing it, gets to his dorm. At NYU, your dorms are like sky rises. And the fucking elevator was out. And he lived on like 13 or something like that. And he fucking started running up. And I think he made

it into his dorm but then he shit in the bag like he just held a bad bag back there he was like so close but you know when you get close enough your body just is like it's like we've come far enough it's coming out now and that actually is sneaky the best too when you're like this anxiety's gone it's over yeah i got deal with my hands are full of shit now at least i'm not stressing about this anymore yeah the surrender it's almost surprising at least for me like i'm always you know i'm commuting in and driving the kids around or whatever and i have not shit myself or had an accident. You would think that just in general, more humans would get caught where they're like,

I'm an hour away from home, and I gotta fucking go. I know. I guess if you find a Starbucks or whatever, but I just think more people would be shitting their pants. Oh, I do it about as often as Christina comes to New York. Quarterly thing, and you love it. I'm shitting again. Wow. You have kids. you're the one talking about you're like what your kid blows the uh standardized

testing oh my my kid got a zero the other day on uh some standardized testing shit rhyming and uh and matching sounds which i would imagine is like you hear a sound and then you have to say what animal makes that noise or what. Oh, right, right. I don't know. I'm only guessing. But like phonetic learning was the section. And he got a 10% because he got 20% and a zero.

And I was like, well, I guess we're going to work on rhyming. Well, just so you know, because I was listening to that. And our son, Ellis, they called us from school, and they were like, Ellis flunked his eye exam. He needs glasses. And we were like, God damn it. So we had to take him to the eye doctor, and the eye doctor is like, no, he has perfect vision. He's just an idiot.

Yeah, he was just like, fuck you, I'm not doing it like that. And I'm like, you shithead. That's so much better, though, than having a little kid with eye issues. It sucks. Just so you know, though, it's normal. Oh, I don't give a fuck about any of that. And why the fuck are they testing kids in pre-K or whatever? They can't even wipe their asses.

Yeah, for real. It's like, we just got out of shitting pants. I'm not worried about phonetic learning right now. We're all set. Standardized tests are, I think they're considered one of the things that ruined the American education system. Oh, it's terrible. But I remember in Massachusetts we had the MCAS, which is like teachers drilling you like it was North Korea about it. Because the teachers then lose their bonuses if we don't do all the MCAS.

So it was like we learned nothing interesting and just like how to do math basically. And I was like this sucks and I was in fifth grade. So like pre-K or whatever Keegan is in. That's fucking nuts. It's so stupid. But then because you do get like a number I truly don't give a shit but his mom and grandma

I told my mom that you know he didn't do well and she was like well like fuck that test then. She goes hard. My grandma will murder. You say anything even remotely bad about the kids. The other day, he got a report card, and it said satisfactory, which is good, fine. She was like, well, why isn't it?

Let me talk to the teacher. You're not going to talk to the teacher, mom, you fucking psycho. But, I mean i mean yeah it all starts so goddamn early it's so early and like uh yeah my kid in first grade uh the reading level is bananas yeah and like the math i can't well you guys are talking about that i can't do for they were like put the addend in the place and i'm like what the fuck's an addend addend i don't know how to do math like i don't know how to do any of it and think about like how when it's like seventh grade we're gonna be like oh i definitely don't know what i'm doing anymore no it's like like the one i was doing was like what

is seven plus five and it's like how do you work that out it's like i don't know you just know that seven plus five is fucking yeah no but now they're like you do five plus five and that's ten and then you have to like why shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's crazy. But I think that's what the Asians do. That it is. Is that what the Asians have been doing? I believe so.

Yeah, that's their secret. So I think if you start drilling it into society, we get super smart. Wait, do we seriously take this from the Asians? I think so. I'm almost positive. We're either being super racist or super accurate. It's one or the other. Or maybe super racist accurate.

They're super superior, though. But they also, like super racist accurate they're super superior though but they also like i think they're like we got to do that because that's how the asians do it but the asians also do it like a hundred hours a week and like their parents right now we're being racist yeah their parents beat them they don't do it all day long so it's like my kids you know do other shit i i i have no concerns. Like I watch my dumb son on his, you know, 0% standardized test can do shit playing video games. I'm like, I don't even know how you know how to do this. You are brilliant as far as I'm concerned. Oh, my God.

And my daughter's like memorizing lyrics and singing songs and all this shit. I'm like, I don't care what you guys are good. They're fine and you think about it too like at least the people we associate with um who have who of us like went to harvard i don't know are you guys like ivy leaguers we have a guy here who did go to harvard and it's usually like whenever he tries to talk shit we're like yeah well look where you are but you're right next to us so you know a lot of good that did you. Right.

But yeah, I mean, I think more and more in the world it's like we don't need that shit. Did Joe Rogan? I don't even know if Joe went to... I don't know if we've got

the world's most brilliant people. Joe Rogan? I mean, I think he's brilliant. He's pretty fucking successful. Yeah, that's a great point. I don't care. Success is the measure of, you know,

what should the successful people be doing? I don't know anyone who's successful or interesting who went to a good school. And that's just because of, you know. It is for me. What should the successful people be doing? I don't know anyone successful or interesting who went to a good school. And that's just because of my friend group. You're like, I just don't know anyone. Yeah, exactly. We just hang out with dumb people, guys.

Well, I wonder. I mean, you do wonder, like, in terms of a good life, is it necessarily getting A's and going to Ivy League schools? Well, your world is crazy. You're one of the most successful families in the goddamn world now. Really? Gosh. Yeah.

You guys are fucking rich as shit. Both have thriving careers. And as far as I know, you're both pretty dumb, probably. Yeah, totally. I don't think I broke a thousand on the essay. Like, really? I got goofed standardized testing all the time they thought i had a learning disability in fifth grade and i was like i don't know my mom my mom got me tested uh for being mentally challenged multiple multiple times

like like she did it so genuine like she would love his mother his mother is the fucking best and just the thought of polly being like is my son retarded and then like like a couple years later being like is he still i don't know we gotta try him again the doctor's like no he's he's good and she's like ow run the test again he's really a handful run it back why did she think you were i don't i don't know. I think I just, I'm so stupid. She's like, there's got to be something wrong. But your skin is really nice.

It is so good. I'm getting fucking nuts how, I'm getting a little offended, to be honest. Because we hear it, this is like the third time in like two, three weeks. Really? People come in and just like, you have great skin. And I honestly don't even know what great skin is, so I don't even... Well, here's the deal though.

So he didn't wash his face for like 30 straight years. Like I said, I had a British kid tell me and when I was in high school, I went to boarding school and so we had like kids from all over and a kid from Britain

with a British accent said, if you wash your face, that's how you get acne. And at the time, I was like, Europeans are like smarter. And at the time, I was like, Europeans are smarter. And so from age 13 to six months ago, I never touched my face with a soap.

He never washed his face. He washes his hair once a month. So he should be like a grease monster, but he's weirdly not. He also doesn't sweat. He doesn't have body hair. He's an inside out cat. None of it makes any sense. And then like two years ago, Whitney Cummings came in and said something about it, right?

She was like, you have to. She really leaned into me. She's like, you're disgusting. Really? And then I said, if any dermatologists are listening or whatever, send me a routine and i will start doing that to clean he's also a little gay so like so we got all the crew i'm gonna be tested for that too is he retarded is he gay gay and retarded those are my pronouns

but yeah then i started doing it. Ever since he's done that. Wait, so you have been washing your face? I have been. So when you stopped washing your face, did you get acne? No, I didn't. So that's why I was like, this kid must be right. Yeah.

It was weird. But it was not even like a stop. It was like, because he was so young. It was like most of his life. It was like, you know, for the last 15 years, he didn't wash his face. Yeah. It's crazy. Probably since... And the hair is really crazy because you got a lot of hair. And I know you're not supposed to wash every day, but whatever. Yeah. But like

once a month, it's a little wacky. And it's very luxurious. Yeah. I saw you when you took off your baseball cap. You did one of those. Yeah. Will you do it again? Yeah, you bet. I mean... Look at that. And it feels... It's ridiculous. It feels it seems like you know you should probably like rub your hands or and get like grease on you but it's not no you're not grody no it's very strange

don't i don't know why i wouldn't chastise you because if it's working yeah that's what i'm saying it's kind of like this you know the this being smart thing it's like i don't know am i successful then who cares if i'm fucking smart what am i reading books now it's like it's like the same thing about uh like how much do you weigh? I don't know what the number is. Do I look good or not? Exactly. And, yeah, does anybody even read anymore?

Like, do they even? I don't even think I read books. That was such a genuine question. Does anybody read anymore? I stopped reading in middle school. It's just podcasts. But I'm serious. I don't think people really read whole books.

I would love to read. I'll say I read about four books a year probably. And what are they about? Out there. It's more like 10. It's like, bleh. No, because I'll go on a run. I'll read like one a week.

Do you read or are you audible? No, no, no. I read. Yeah, I'm like old. I'm not even on a Kindle. I need like the book in my hand kind of deal. I like that too. But like I probably read like three books this summer and I'll. Yeah, I'm like old. I'm not even on a Kindle. I need like the book in my hand kind of deal. I like that too. But like I probably read like three books this summer and I'll probably read one more at some point. I always want to read more.

And then it's just so hard and boring. It's the time consuming. It's time consuming. Like everything else in my life is like so hectic. And then it's like I'm going to sit down and block off like two hours where i can read like 11 pages it's not gonna happen it's gonna take me a year to read this thing someone broke it down for me this summer that if you read 25 pages a day you'll likely read 25 books a year because the average book is about 250 pages and i was like that's all it takes is 25 a day but that's

that's one of those things like all it needs is eight minutes of workout a day. If you do fucking eight minutes of abs, you're going to be dying. Well, here's the truth of it is. Remember where we used to all read? In the shitter. Yeah. So if you just put your books in the shitter. Put your phone out there. Put your books in there.

Because I'm just scrolling now. I should be reading. I don't even read my phone when I'm scrolling. I just say it's like it's like a fucking thumb treadmill like i just i'm not even reading anything i'm just like just looking at it looking at it like i'll occasionally like see a picture that draws my interest like oh you know open the picture but like we're getting done i scroll twitter all day every day and i would guess i actually read 10 tweets yeah i don What? What are you looking at? Nothing.

I'm like basically cross-eyed. I'm just like... Like one of those Philadelphia zombies. Is there shit coming out of you? Drooling. Quite a little more time. Yo, I'm hoping our boy Elon makes Twitter like the new... Dude, if I hear about that fucking dude buying Twitter

one more time, it is all that's on Twitter Now the thing is that, so he's wiping everybody out he's firing everybody and it's a huge chunk of their verification team right before the elections

First of all, these elections don't count right they're like the ones that are for the nerds the big one yeah you know we'll worry about that one in a couple years but it's like what do you think he was going to buy the company and not do anything different with it yeah twitter is notorious for underachieving and sucking of course you're gonna do it all different so but so i mean my thinking is if you put a paywall up you're just gonna lose interest now like you can't do something for free if you put a paywall up you're just gonna lose interest now like you can't do something for free and then put a paywall yeah the only thing is i think there's a lot of people who are full-blown addicted oh really i think if i i would almost stop i got

well you know that's funny you say that because like we barstool's heavy uh twitter because we're dumb and we put all our eggs in that basket a long time ago and so yeah I'm like I need Twitter but yeah most you're probably right a lot of people would be like I'm already on TikTok and shit so fuck it but people who are on Twitter though are like they really love it

for me it's so it's so it's such a scary negative I can't stomach it it's like a scary negative. I can't stomach it. It's like the as horrifying and like bad for you and trolls and all that shit. The good side of it I think is like

wildly interesting. You have access to like Elon Musk and fucking Kim Kardashian. People who like unfiltered access to them just like their thoughts you know. And it can be funny and it's like we all came up writing. So like Twitter was kind of like little their thoughts you know and it can be funny and it's like we used we all came up writing so like twitter was kind of like little micro writing you know yeah but and then instagram we were like you have to be like a hot bitch to do this like we can't do this let's stick with

twitter and then you know we never we never did anything after that forget about if you can't do instagram you can't do tiktok and if you can't do tiktok you're dead so i don't know just kill us put a bullet in us we're done but yeah that's that's funny you say that because i'm like oh yeah i'd pay eight dollars but normal people are probably okay yeah i'll definitely do it i i don't know that i would so i'm hoping i'm not verified so i wouldn't pay for verification oh i don't care see that's what's also funny the people like the people talking about the literal check need to go kill themselves. I always had a check.

I know everyone's going to have a check. Shut the fuck up. I think the other stuff is interesting. They said your search results and replies and stuff, you get prioritized. So remember how we say if you went viral, you got a lot of followers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that all kind of disappeared and i think now it's like if you are a part of this like it weeds out like the bots and the stupid people and this is like a user who uses a lot so you'll be at the top of like search results

you'll be at the top of the replies that kind of stuff interests me interest me more than like the check is like i swear to god the aliens came down and saw the the debate that was had this week about a literal fucking piece of punctuation kill yourself man i'm trying to think of what i would pay like whose tweets would i want to see again that i would pay for the most are you on it at all not really i just i post i get out you are on it but you don't even yeah yeah i don't read shit i don't want to know why but tikt out. But you are on it, but you don't even. I don't read shit. I don't want to know why I'm canceled. But TikTok and Instagram, you are like.

Bro, the talk is my jam. And it's not for the reasons. Yes, yes, yes. I like it. But you made TikTok like part of your, like, I think it's interesting the people who don't work in this industry who literally are just like. It's like, what are you doing? At least we can kind of disguise it as work you know what i mean

you do a duet you're like i'm done for the day it doesn't work you know but you know it's like you can get caught in there and like what what do you do well i like the weirdos i like the outliers that's what's yeah it's to me i like the human circus and that's always what i've enjoyed about um i like instagram too but that's more like hot chicks to tick tock is when it first started it was like you know 12 year old girls dancing and freaks yeah we had a guy here who kind of does what you do he weeds he he's a connoisseur yeah some yay of the free some of the shit that's on there man it's it's horrifying it truly is I like it and it's also so

he has I remember he sent me one once where it was just like the guy with the arm the arm it's exactly what and he flips it around and around

I know that guy I mean not personally I was gonna say I wouldn't be surprised if you know know him I could play this game and I also love the stupidity

like the like there's just like these cops who are like trying to sing and look sexy. And it's like you're fucking so dumb. Like middle America just morons and creeps. Do you know the reborns? No. The people who have the dolls?

Oh my God. Oh yes, yes, yes. To replace their dead kids? That's horrifying. They're very lifelike dolls because they had they went through like a tragedy that's terrible but then they like post these like yes yeah those are very scary okay here's the app we need to do to okay so you think you're a model and that's like the app like you you get these guys who are like what you just said like i i think i'm a model and then you get

them to like really be cringy and horrible we're all laughing at them that'll be pretty yeah like to really bring out the real narcissist you have a team of people be like we're gonna get you modeling gigs you're gonna be on the cover and it's just some guy posting for just us to laugh at it's always the men that do it where i'm like oh yeah the lip lick remember that yeah yeah or like a be sexy app like where you're your sexiest that's what that would be about tiktok was the the kids the we we ended up uh dave the owner of this whole thing, has a podcast with Josh Richards, who is a, he's probably like 18, 19 now. And he actually has like a functioning brain and is going on to become like an entrepreneur and like smart. But when he started, he was like a 14-year-old kid.

And he's skinny, so he has like a six-pack because he's a fucking child. And he was, you you know floppy hair fucking yeah and i'm like we were playing you know fucking basketball and riding our bikes and like throwing rocks at cars and shit you know we're jerking off to porno max you're like it was like we were riding bikes playing basketball throwing rocks at cars the good old days and this guy is like you went from childhood fucking regular things to felonies like that that's what we did yeah but like that that's sexy like i can't imagine being any any sexy at all i know but certainly not when i was like a 13 year old boy the girls i get it that's you know you're all that's just how girls work comic like i don't

like it's so far from from from my existence to be like you know what i mean like when when you see like 13 years old in the 90s versus 13 year old now and it's like tits are popping and their ass is out and they make up and everything i'm like it's wild because i was fortunate enough to grow up where like you could look at Shirley Manson from Garbage and she was like my hero

but she was like kind of a grungy like meatly tough and there were tougher girls now it's just like boring fucking boring

who do you think is like a good female role model female role model I did like Billie Eilish and then she kind of like I don't know what she's doing now but i

know she went through a tits phase i think she's back into being like a dumpy boyish asexual i don't show my body phase which i like for girls yeah more right i think yeah anybody who's like rad right now i like i like mia i. I think she's cool. I mean, I like Santee Gold. I don't even know who that is. Santee Gold, she does,

there's one song of hers. She's on like, I forget, she's on like one of the rap songs with like a bunch of them. But like,

it's just not my lane. I mean, Taylor Swift is a stand-up chick. I think Taylor's a bit of a fucking crybaby, honestly. It's like,

you did this to me and I'm a victim. For sure. But in recent years, I think she's turned that into being a boss bitch. Great. There was a run where it was like, shut the fuck up, and now it's like, I run the world. Okay. It worked her.

Yeah. Well, here's a new one's great, so I don't know. The new one's, I mean, I'm a big Swifty. Are you big Swifty? He's getting retarded? It's borderline. He's getting retarded, so. It's borderline weird. I mean, he went to a Target the other day because he heard a rumor that she was going to be there.

He hung out for two and a half hours. Really? As a grown man. Now, yes, really. Don't play this. I was getting a work card. It was content. I wasn't just doing it alone. I wasn't just there. There were cameras there. So it's a work card. It was content. I wasn't just doing it alone.

I wasn't just there. There were cameras there. So it's a little different. Would I have just done that alone? No. Probably. Maybe. If nobody else knew.

If it was just a weekend day. But see, that's the thing with this fucking job is I would have done it to talk about it. Yeah. Like, everything I do is I just do for this goddamn show. I know. Like, everything i just do something oh it'll be interesting to talk about it'll be fun to talk about right it is like i just do things and hope something disastrous happens and i just put myself in precarious

so yeah i'll go do that i'll just fucking so what's your favorite taytay song um my favorite of all time of course um it's probably blank space which is kind of a it is like it's one of it. Yeah. Nailed it. Mirror Ball is also very good. How does that one go? Go ahead. Mirror Ball is... Sing it. You wouldn't know that one.

No, just sing it, though. Please, let's hear your best hand. I want you to know... Let's hear it. I'm a mirror ball. I'm a mirror ball. It is. I used to think I had a good voice

And If you sing along with the song You think you sound good And then if you can somehow hear yourself isolated Or like playback Have you ever played that game with your friends? That's the meanest thing We used to get drunk

And you put on headphones And you put them on full blast But you have to sing the song and then we like video you i would love to do this with you guys i would do so bad you sound like a deaf person it was it was so much have you ever seen that video on efuck.com no there's a deaf woman fucking no no please no it's a deaf woman having sex it's it's oh i'm not gonna do it but it's a deaf woman having sex out Out of all the shit that you've seen. You can't watch a deaf person fuck?

It makes me sad. I think I feel that way. That's fair. I mean, she's enjoying herself. It's not like, it's not. I'll tell you what. You know, people who have functioning ears make weird noises when they're getting fucked. That's true.

It's all ugly sounds. That's true. What do you think is the weirdest thing you've seen so far? From like your mom's house and everything? What do you guys call it? What segment? Heavy. That's true. What do you think is the weirdest thing you've seen so far? From like your mom's house and everything? What do you guys call it? What segment? Heavy. The heavy segment.

So your mom's house plays these heavy segments, which I love because when we started blogging, it was like 2000. I started in 2009. Boston website started in like 2004. So we always call that internet 1.0. The good days of like, it was just like sex, drugs, rock and roll on the internet. No rules, no laws. Everything was funny.

Nobody was – there was no fake video. No one was sharing opinions. No opinion. It was just fucked up videos. It was just people getting injured and like naked people and crazy shit. And you guys have brought that back with your mom's house where it's like we're going to watch people get like stabbed to death with screwdrivers. Well, first of of all let me clarify so that's only on the live show

where people pay money right right right because they won't let us show that stuff on YouTube and that's the heavy segment so at the very end of the live show we do the heavy segment

which is just good old fashioned violence and shit like that just fucking me and that's like guys putting you know screwdrivers in their penis and stuff

and like we once made it was me and uh the guy i co like we wrote the blog together and he i miss blogs yeah me too it's a good time uh he he started working with us and so he was like our intern and we sent him a link and we were like as an intern you gotta like you gotta watch this. Someone had sent it to Tip's email. And someone said to Tip, this is really fucked up. Because that's how we vlog videos people send us.

And we were like, we're going to have the intern screen it almost for us and see how bad it is. And the title was, what, Russian man gets stabbed with a screwdriver. And we were like, you got to watch it first. Stabbed to death on a bridge. And we were like, so how was it? So how Stabbed to death on a bridge. And we were like, so how was it? So how was it? Like, how did it go?

What was it? He was like, it was a Russian man getting stabbed to death on a bridge with a screwdriver. It was exactly what you think it was. It was awesome. It was a very accurate

description of the video. So the odd thing is, is that, because I'm also desensitized to the early internet, like two girls, one cup, and then what's the guy

when he sat on the glass and it went up his ass? Goatsy. Goatsy. Goatsy. Goatsy is the guy who did Somebody that you used to know just dropped one heater on us

and left. That's a good jam. Yeah, it's a great jam. Glass up the asshole though. That was seven. There's so much blood. There's so much work. But what a pure work. And I feel like ever since then we've been chasing that dragon. up the asshole though like that was so much blood it's just so much work now like but that what what

a pure work and i feel like ever since then we've been chasing that dragon yeah it's like smoking heroin you're 15 yeah you're never gonna get that high so for me it's not the gore it's the ones that get in my head and i think about these guys for years yeah and the one guy i think about there's a few well there's robert paul champagne who lives um 2395 apartment 2c wagner houses he's right here uh and uh what is it called what's the neighborhood not jamaica's whatever anyway queens yes he's in like a whatever anyway his whole thing was like he was in a darkened room and he was like black guys from jail i want to get fucked man fucked a lot come meet me and he's like piss on me beat jail i want to get fucked man fucked a lot come meet me and

he's like piss on me beat me i want to get fucked a lot man and he's like you just i give you a lease and a key fuck me i'm here 23 95 and you give out his address and his phone number and we found this man on youtube like what is this and we stuck with it for years and finally we found him and we called him and now he's a friend of the show. And like, those guys. I've heard that name. I don't think I knew what his whole bag was, that he's just getting fucked by black guys in an apartment. Yeah, he's like, I want black guys who are hot and who mean it, man.

Piss on me. Beat me. And he fucks them. Yeah. Like, he actually finds guys to do it. Get guys in and out of jail. He wants black guys who mean it and who will beat the fuck out of him and piss on him and beat him there's that guy

everyone's got their scene that's what we've learned on your mom's house yeah and i love this guy who was like who's like if you want to see my dick go from just a little limp dick to a very hard dick i will send you the video he's like he goes he goes all you have to do is smoke crystal meth and he goes and my dick got very very hard and it shot a lot of thick white cum and then he goes my brother didn't believe me and then he jerked off he came off in four strokes like he's he's jerking off with his brother and then they come together. Like those types of – These are posted by these guys, right? Yes.

And they probably initially have like 11 views. Yes. And then you guys – like you have producers that are just scouring? No. People are sending them in because it's just like a crowdfunding, crowdsourcing, right? Yes. Which is amazing when that starts to happen. Yes.

Because then we got a little bit of that with Barstool where it was like, hey, I got this video of, like, my uncle, like, throwing this fucking air conditioner at my cousin. You got to post it. And it's like we would never have gotten that. But we got big enough that everybody was like, send it to Barstool. Send it to Barstool. So you get these videos that were truly original or very, very few views. Like, no one's seen it yet, you know? And it's like, we got it.

It's gold. But that's the success, I think, of Barstool is this communal. That was the lifeblood yeah like yeah here's a video of a guy when i'm yeah jerking off with his brother they smoke meth together and they came in four strokes and he has no neuropathy issues and you're like because i love reality more than the fiction and that's why i love like new york where you're like dude that got all these people are crazy. People are fucking wild. You were on Andrew Tate really early, right?

That was your boy a long time ago, right? Hello. Yes, we found him. That was like your claim to fame. I would like to take credit for Cobra Tate. So we debuted Andrew, I think a little before the pandy, before the pandemic.

That's fucking... We found him and then we got really into him because his videos... I mean, he's amazing. He's amazing. I love... He's got the swag. He's such a bad person.

It's amazing. Yeah, he's sitting in his apartment and he's like, women should clean up unprompted. And he's just like looking dead in the mirror. That's a very bad accent. You know, it's not...

I don't know what it is, right? I remember I was seeing a bunch of videos and it just didn't even hit me until like the fourth video. I was like, wait, is he doing a British accent in this video? Has he had one in all of them?

Well, so I asked him, I was like, what is your accent? And it's a mishmash, I think, of a few things because he was born, I think, in the UK and then he moved to the US and he had moved around. So that's the thing. But I like when he goes,

he's like, I could put down my like he's like i could put down my he goes i'll put down my credit card it never gets declined they always take it and somebody wrote in the comments well yeah because of overdraft you idiot what a treasure and i you were like you were like when you first did it, you were like, so, Andrew, I'm a dumb bitch. That was so great. And me being a dumb bitch, I wouldn't know, right? Yeah. So when the cameras were off, was he more normal?

He's an entertainer, man. Look, he's who he is. I've got the jet fired up. I'm going to go back to Romania he is. I've got the jet fired up. I'm going to go back to Romania right now. I've got the jet fired up. I can't actually remember if this was a parody or he actually said this, which is where you want to live on the

internet. But I remember a video. I'm pretty sure it was real when he was like, listen, you get on a plane and there's a category five hurricane and you're flying into the eye of it. Do you want the pilot to be a woman or a man? And I was like, and the details of it. It's Category 5 and you're flying into the eye of it and you have a tiny plane.

And I'm like, I would probably want that pilot to be a man. Sounds about right. And all with that voice and the glasses. He's in great shape and his suit is just just you know every it's just perfectly glued to him like he is who he is and you know I just do I agree with everything that guy says

fucking no of course not he's an absolute asshole yeah let's just get back to the place where you can have assholes the internet I don't care

yeah like you're allowed to be an asshole you know I don't care I don't care what you think you know what the problem is people got too successful on the internet. Because I do believe that there is a level where all of a sudden,

if you're joking about women being inferior, and there's a swath of dudes who watch it and go beat their wives, it's like, well, we don't want that. It needs to just be like, everybody go back to just be cool. Just be cool. The internet can just be cool, man. I'm going gonna be a ridiculous fucking asshole for your entertainment but we can't have the morons over here take it

seriously but were those swath of dudes already beating their wives it's you know it's the old like 80s ronald reagan era thing of like well is ozzy osbourne causing the suicide of children because of his music or those people already it's always the chicken or the causal thing yeah it's like he's not creating right people are just listening to music and like fucking headbanging well yeah like if not andrew tate some other guy who's always gonna be somebody yeah you're looking for an excuse like ah that guy said i can do it okay fine i don't know if you ever heard of this guy tom lakers he was a popular radio guy in los angeles he was the afternoon drive guy. And his thing was more or less that same shtick.

And he was a huge whale of a man, 300 pounds, and he's fucking disgusted and bloated. And he's like, I don't spend a dime on that bitch. We're going for coffee. Maybe. And if she doesn't put out, get out, bitch. And everybody would call in and be like, and his catchphrase was blow me up, bitch. And everybody would call in and be like,

and his catchphrase was, blow me up, Tom. And at the end of every phone call, they'd be like, blow me up, Tom. And then he'd have like a sound effects board of like. This is great. I love this guy. It's so stupid. Or like, take me out, you know, African tribe style.

And they'd have like African tribal people, so racist singing like, Maringe, Maringe. He's like, dump that bitch bitch and he just told guys to dump their bitch and it was the fucking most entertaining radio that that is actually that sounds eerily familiar to our advice yeah we had a run it's it's not just girls it's but it's like like like we have like so we have like voicemails and callers call in and yeah there was a stretch where like early so we were doing for like 10 years and it all started with people would call in and leave a message so it wasn't live and then uh we had a run for like

five straight years that but but by accident like we would start talking about you know my girlfriend is like she's fat or she doesn't like shave and like so what do i do and we would like start no but we would be honest about it and we'd like talk through all these other different ideas and then we'd all inevitably be like i now you know what just fucking dump her and we did it again we did it again all we did was tell a bunch of like college kids for five straight years to dump their girlfriend my favorite one and i and I still think this was accurate advice. My favorite one was we had a guy call in.

I think it was a husband calling in about his wife. And he's like, look, she has this like thing. She has this picture of a boat that I fucking hate. Oh, yeah.

But she wants it in the kitchen. And I just let her put it in the kitchen. And every day I see that picture. I'm like, that fucking picture I hate it so much and I was like we were like divorce her

it's gonna end your relationship it sounds crazy but divorce her now because 10 years from now you're gonna just fucking throw the picture you're gonna hit her with the picture like that picture is going to fracture your relationship. And I think it is.

I think it probably would have. We were very big on the preemptive breakup is what we coined it where it was like, just fucking pull the ripcord now, man. Yeah.

Like why go through another year? Yes. Or sometimes, multiple years people do this where it's like, you know deep down this shit's over, bro.

It's over. And you're going to, either side, either guy or girl, you're going to just suffer through this. So true. Just fucking be done. Because I do think it takes about a year before you actually break up with someone. Yes. Because if you have any sort of like empathy or sympathy where it's like, I don't want to just like blow this person's life up. I'll just like kind of sit through it.

But it's like you're ruining your own life, dude. It's so, I know. And especially when you're young and unmarried, it should be just dump that bitch because there's a million other bitches on campus. I think you should not be able to be in a relationship until you're 25. That's an excellent idea. Don't they say your brain's not developing,

done developing until you're 25? 28. 28? So then fucking push it back even more. Yeah, dog. Who gives a fuck? Like, I know you can't, you know, obviously can't do that, but, like, I'm going to struggle mightily when my kids are, like, teenagers crying over a breakup. Oh, my God.

And I'm going to be like, go fuck another bitch, dude. Like, I know you think this is a big deal, but trust me, you and your life are so insignificant right now. I know. Like, nothing matters here dude shut up when i i had like my first serious relationship ended i was like not like i mean i wasn't a weepy mess but i did cry a little bit and and i was like sitting sad at dinner one night and uh and my mom was describing the relationship and why it ended and my mom just goes sounds like you weren't a good boyfriend. And I was like, all right.

I guess that kind of puts things in perspective. By the way, I was a fine boyfriend. I was like, I was a pretty good boyfriend. Yeah, I think as we've come to learn, we've both gone through some toxic hoes. Yeah. At some point, there's a common denominator here. I've had so many.

I've had some very good relationships, and I've also had three exceptionally toxic relationships. Like what? Like suicide threats and all that kind of shit. Oh, no. Like pregnancy and all that shit. Yeah. And I'm like, three's a lot. I remember I was telling my therapist once. A lot of people only have a couple, like a handful of relationships their whole life.

You know what I mean? You have a bunch, but serious ones, you only have a couple. And you've got three fucking crazy ones. I remember telling my therapist about one of them. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. She keeps saying she's going to kill herself. And she's like, whoa, whoa. Just so you know, John, and i want you to understand this

that's not normal and i was like i don't think you've dated enough women to tell me this tiffany because i don't know what it's like out here it's about a 50 50 shot with me no it is it is right on the border of normal the stuff that i've gotten become like desensitized to where it's like, all right, do it. Goodbye. I'll talk to you tomorrow. We'll fuck tonight. See you tomorrow. You know, like, get out of here.

It's scary. That's Elaine. Then the phones and the Internet make things so weird and hard. You imagine dating now. I know you're married. I don't know. You're not married. I'm not.

No, no. I can imagine. Like, Tom and I got together when, like, Friendster. Yeah. Friendster, bro. Like, MySpace had just kind of gotten cool. So, literally, I don't even remember really texting. The apps are crazy. When I got divorced, I never even, I'm not even, like.

Oh, yeah. So, when you get divorced, was it, like, your room springer where you were like, I'm fucking banging, dude? I had a run there. You had a few weeks where I was like, you're going on a date again? You were doing dates. But I never did apps, though. Apps to me are fucking weird and a lot of work. And people are going on like seven dates a week.

It's weird. It used to be like you go out maybe once a month on a date. It's weird. It used to be like, maybe once a month on a date. You know what I mean? Now it's like, I got an afternoon date and a night date. Oh my gosh.

I always feel so bad with that. I'm such a pussy. Like, if I'm sleeping with multiple people, even though we're not dating, I'm like, I feel so bad. I feel like I'm a cheater. yeah i used to be like brutally up front about it and some people are cool with it and i'd be like for real okay well let's keep doing this but then i'd be like

are you sure this is not how it's supposed to go i just i know like hours ago you sure okay all right okay i'm kind of old timey like that. Just the idea of like multiple dudes jizzing in you. That guy just laughed. And now that, yeah. I'd be like. All right. Jesus Christ.

But I have to like talk to myself. I'm like, stop being such a pussy dude. This is the way the world works now. Yeah, for real. But yeah. But if it doesn't feel right. Yeah. Then don't.

Because then you're just hurting yourself that's exactly what i'm doing like i love it hurt myself trying to please other people john final your people pleaser yeah you get rolled over all the time um yeah that's no good the The suicide is like, yeah. Dude, I had one where she was just shaking the pills into the phone. I was like, can you just not do that? I was a camp counselor.

I was like, I'm trying to watch the kids right now. I can't fucking deal with this. Jesus. And you know what? It sucks because it's like the guy who is like, I don't care. Do it. Goodbye. They just move on from.

And everyone's happy. And it's the guys who are like, have a conscience or like, what if? Oh, my God forbid. Think about their family and shit. And then you get trapped for like your whole life. I always. So true. I think of it like fucking.

I don't know if you know this story it was in they actually just did a Hulu show on it but there was a girl in the area I'm from Massachusetts

where she like convinced her boyfriend to kill himself it's the exact opposite of what is happening here but the she got tried right yeah she got convicted

of I don't know something it wasn't that big a deal but like it was like she was like do it it'll feel better like oh my god She got convicted of something. It wasn't that big a deal. She was like, do it. It'll feel better. Oh, my gosh.

He got out of the car at one point. She's like, get back in. He did the fucking exhaust type deal. And it was like, get back in the car. And they were in high school. But then she, because she was such a psycho, she then started all the GoF gofundmes and like started like the rallies for him and his family and all this stuff and she was obviously doing it all for the attention and um i forget oh and so my fear is that one day like someone's gonna actually do it and then they'll look at their texts and it won't be like you didn't do everything you could yeah stop yeah

so i'm always like those are the people we should be worried about, not the fucking Andrew Tate's of the world dicking around on the internet. I mean, yeah. I don't know. I don't know if there's really a causal... People like to point, does misogyny exist in the world? Yeah. Is it Andrew Tate's fault?

No. He just galvanized the audience. I think it's far worse, you know, the guy who's like, I don't know, lives in fucking like Idaho and just like comes home

and takes out his whole, all his fucking anger on the family and I don't think it's Andrew Tate's videos that are causing that, you know? But I guess if you can point to like,

again, if there's, if anybody is doing that, it's like, it's a dicey. But there's a lot, there's like, okay, so there's, lot there's like okay so

there's what's the line like with alex jones is that his name the guy who's claimed that sandy hook didn't happen there's a basketball player in new york kairi irving uh in one week he had to speak to the press and say i like let me clear this up i do believe that sandy hook happened and i do believe that the holocaust happened in one week he had to do that twice the holocaust he was very vague about the holocaust like he didn't admit that it happened not not like not fully not like no he was like they asked him like do you believe the holocaust is real and he said like I believe that is an important event to a lot of people. Oh my God. Why do people,

what do you think that is? They're assholes. This guy particularly is just a rich asshole who wants to be viewed as a smart person. He's like the dumbest person alive. He was smart. Yeah, I guess so. Or like the flat earthers.

He's a flat earther as well. They seem to just go hand in hand. That's the cross you're dying on? And what's funny is they all say the notion behind it of like, I'm not saying

the Earth is flat. I'm just saying that we should like examine things and not just like be told, like agree with everything you're told.

Like that, of course, carries water. I examined it. I saw the picture. But it's like, don't attach that to the earth being flat.

Attach it to something else that maybe is a little more big. Not the fucking planet being round. Right, because that's been proven. Proven. Pretty fucking hardcore. Lots of times. A lot of times.

Yeah, we don't need that. I interviewed a, the last living guy to ever walk on the moon. Oh, wow. And I'm a dick about like I joke around about the moon landing being fake. And I said to him, and I joked about it so much that now when I actually got the chance to interview a fucking moon walker, I could not bring it up because my fans would be like, now what do you know now the chance you back down you know so i was just like what hypothetically would you say

to someone if they told you that like the you know the the moon landing was faked and i think you just said something like shut the fuck up he was basically i would call that person stupid and i wouldn't dignify like anything further as than that. Anyway, next question. That's amazing. Could you imagine anything less appealing than going to the moon? What a production that is, man. Or just the Mars thing that Elon's into. I'm like, oh, you just sit in a vessel for what is it, three years?

Would you rather be the first people to go to Mars or to mars or the or the last people i'd rather die on earth honestly like i'm not interested like be the last couple thousand people on the planet earth so that means like everything's kind of like you know you're you're living in like uh dune suits yeah drinking my own fluid was that what you're doing you're good on earth i don't know honestly but if they built like some dope malls on mars is there a david maybe a nice outdoor and outdoor outdoor outdoor outlet get some of last year's pradas like come on malls are fucking fire, man. I feel bad for people growing up without malls.

I know. It's like when you walk around namelessly. Where do you finger people now? Where do you finger people? You finger people at the movies and the mall. That's it. People are doing none of that. Crazy.

I one time had a date at a movie when we were really young. I remember Anywhere But Here was a movie when we were really young. I remember them anywhere but here was a movie. It was Natalie Portman, maybe Susan Sarandon and it's a very sad movie and we were,

me and the girl. It's very funny that you remember all these details because you're going to talk about fingering a girl in this movie, aren't you? No, no.

Susan Sarandon's on stage and I'm fucking blasting her. No, we were just kissing but because the movie was so sad, she was like currently crying. And you're making out? And we're making out so I could like blasting her. No, we were just kissing. But because the movie's so sad, she was currently crying. And you're making out with her? And we're making out,

so I could taste her tears. Oh my God. I was like, do you want to do this? She's like, yeah, yeah. It's just the movie's so sad. It's like, yo, I made her wet, guys. Her face was soaked. Cancer movie.

No I actually I think that's what it is I think I think Natalie Porton's mom Is dying of cancer Classic And I think even her mom Had cancer

So it was like Oh my god It was It was Her tears were justified And she was making out with me So like That's amazing

Really nothing in life was good I don't want to watch cancer movies Or bummer movies Like white people love bummers I watched one About don't want to watch cancer movies or bummer movies like why people love bummers I watched one about I only want to watch Fast and Furious that's it yeah for real I watched one relatively recently

I was hanging out with this girl and she said she wanted to watch it and I'm like okay cool she was like I watched it like a long time ago but I never finished it sort of thing so I don't know I was, you vouch for it. Let's go. And it ended up being this woman.

I think Hillary Swank was getting Alzheimer's or MS or something. Oh, fuck off. And then the girl from Shameless, Emmy Rossum, is taking care of her. She's kind of like a street tough. And now she's taking care of it. They both teach each other these things, right? The very last scene is she wanted to come home from the hospital and die. And family was like no we're gonna put you on like ventilators and shit and she was like no i want to like die my way and she goes into the bedroom and she's like do not don't come

in here like do not come in and save me and she closes the door i can't even talk about it and like emmy rossum sits on the other side of the door and like listens to her take her last breaths and like like gasping and crying and screaming and she's like don't come in there and she doesn't she waits until there's like silence and then she goes in there like holds her dead body and i'm watching with this girl and i am soaked like my shirt is wet and the whole time i'm trying to just but i just wanted to be like you bitch put on billy madison or something have you ever seen paddleton paddleton yeah it's with fucking ray romano and mark duplass i know uh and it's like romano's dying bucket list sort of thing right Jesus Christ it is

and he's dying of cancer but he wants to die his own way too so basically that's the same scene you just described only he's in the room with him

oh my god it's like let's just watch this I like how you said you don't understand why people watch Bummers and then we proceed to tell you

I know the two of those I just want to hear it all do you like scary movies? No. I've read, have you heard of Terrifier? No. It's a Serbian movie.

I was like, oh, boy. Oh, that's real. And I read the synopsis of it. I don't even watch Serbian porn. Let alone fucking Serbian movies. Right, it sounds like a documentary. Anything from the Eastern Bloc is a little too heavy for me. Yeah, when you know the Serbs are coming out or Russian shit's going on, it's like, oh,

boy, it's like, oh boy, shit's about to be heavy. That's funny. You were on what? Road Rules, right? A million years ago. From the early seasons, right? Yeah, season six.

Six. That was cool? It was like... I don't think I've ever actually talked... Besides Johnny Bananas, it was more like... Johnny Bananas. I never met that guy. You've never met Johnny?

No, because he's much, much, much later. But I just figured at some point you would have, like, I'm not saying you would be on the same show, but at, like, a reunion or, I don't know, an event or something, you would have met him. Now, I'm long forgotten by that dynasty. But season six was Australia. Australia was cool.

It was rad. But looking back, so banal and boring. Well, at the time, it was cool. I mean, Road Rules was fucking fantasy shit. It's the best. We're doing these challenges across the outback or whatever. And it was like, this is wild. What a crazy way to live your life.

Oh, and legitimately dangerous, too. Who else was on your season? So it was Peggy from the UK, Susie, the blonde blonde girl the nice Christian girl and Chadwick and Shane from Canada and then Kifla and myself and it was they'd pull us up to a crocodile farm

and then be like go ahead and sign this release form and then they're like go ahead and sit on this crocodile and snap it's mouth shut and put duct tape but you would do it all Yeah. And then they're like, okay, go ahead and sit on this crocodile and snap its mouth shut and put duct tape around it. But you would do it all, right? Because it's 20 years old. Yeah.

You did that? Oh, yeah. I sat on a crocodile. There's footage of it. I shut his mouth, put tape around it, and a real big fucking six foot crocodile. In Australia, in the middle of nowhere, if our arm had gotten bitten off. We've got a medic here. You'll be fine.

He's got like a tape. He's got like this fucking thing. Yeah. There you go. I don't even know if they showed this. There was one season a girl did a flight – I don't know what it's called. She walked on top of a plane.

Oh, my God. You go up on a biplane like the – with the two wings and you get out of your seat and you climb up to the top. I think – and then you hook yourself. But I think there's a period of time where you you get out of your seat and you climb up to the top and then you hook yourself. I think there's a period of time where you're getting out of your seat and you're not really strapped in and then you stand on top of a fucking plane

while it does loops and shit. That's what Donnie just did. He did that? Yeah. Someone just did that? We have a kid here who has a show called Die Trying. He's gonna die. He's gonna die.

He does all these sharks. Yeah, he's like swimming with sharks. He's fucking... He does swimming sharks he's demolishing derby driving all these things that are really crazy but yeah he did he did the biplane he he did um bus school bus racing he went to this like hillbilly spot and just dropped in and won it and the locals were so mad like these guys it's like their their event for the year they like gear up for it and he dropped in with cameras like, can I film it?

And he fucking won the race. Damn, dude. Fuck you, kid. I did a demolition derby once. It is not fun. That's not. I'm not jerking around. I do.

Dude, it is like, so there are more rules than you think. You're not allowed to hit on the driver's side. But also, I'm not trying, but maybe what if they do?

And they did. Yeah. Like yeah like it was but there was one because like the cars are all so old and so beat to shit that like sometimes they'll just stall and they'll just stop and i remember i was sitting there and i was just like the car was stalled and just from like across the way someone's fucking lining me up and i was just sitting like fuck you can't get out of the car, that's more dangerous. I was like, this is gonna suck, this is gonna suck, this is gonna suck, this is gonna suck. And the fucking dude just drilled me. You have like a stick that you snap when you're done

and then you have to stay in the car for the whole thing but you snap that stick and it lets people know leave me alone. And I definitely had a concussion. I was just out of it, pulled that thing and just sat there while fucking chaos ensued around me. Your family had a rough fucking year

with those injuries, right? Yeah, Tommy... You guys were probably having the best professional years of your lives while also almost dying. Because you got hurt too, right? Yeah, so my husband, during COVID, we were living in Los Angeles still,

and he and bert did a basketball dunking challenge because they're idiots midlife fat idiots and my husband broke his arm and his leg and then and he won the dunk contest i want that known he fucking threw down one and was this close to dunking on nine a half feet. He just happened to break every bone in his body in the process. But he won the dunk contest. It was horrible. I remember him telling the story about like when I think Bert hooked him up with like an ambulance type deal. Because he didn't want to go to the hospital.

He went to a hospital and was like this hospital stuff. It's a horrible story. It was crazy. We're so dumb. This is how dumb we are. Okay. So Bert calls me. No we are So Burt calls me I'm in an ambulance I'm going to the hospital

but everything's okay I'm like no it ain't where are you I'm in this hospital it's terrible One of the last guys that you want like he's so he'll do anything to help but he's also he ran over and moved it right away Yeah Burt's retarded.

So then my husband's like, I don't like this ER. It's dicey as shit. I don't want to have surgery here. Get me out of here. So the boys take him home. Bert brings him broken through our door. And then we like, we should have just gone to a different hospital and called an ambulance. We took him home.

We didn't know that you can get blood clots or you can die. I didn't, nobody knew. How long were you home for? The overnight. was now midnight and tommy's home and i can't leave because it's like i have the two children and whatever covet they're not going to let me in the hospital so we wait until the sun comes up and we find a private and is he just in agony at that point yeah yeah he has drugs and his arm was reset improperly. And then we take him to the doctor, the surgeon, the next morning. And he's like, why are you not in the hospital? You need to go check yourself into Cedars right now.

And then they finally did it. Bert took him to do all that. It was horrible. And then he went to a recovery center after. Yeah. He needs to do major rehab. Terrible. And he's still.

He had another corrective surgery on his arm. In the middle of this fucking tour that he's doing? No, right before the tour. Okay. Because he wasn another corrective surgery on his arm. Really? In the middle of this fucking tour that he's doing? No, right before the tour. Okay. Because he wasn't getting feeling back into his arm. So they found a guy in LA who had done this surgery that he's only done one time before. It was so revolutionary. They took tendons from like one side, pushed it through the other, and now they're growing back.

It's crazy. Wow. Dude, people who are that smart to figure that shit out. I know. It's like some doctor who was just like who are that smart to figure that shit out. I know. It's like some doctor who was just like, you know, the way like a chef is like, let me add some of this,

some of that. Some doctors like, let me put the tendons that way. I know. And then how did you get hurt? You fell on the stairs. Yeah. So then we moved to Texas and then I fell down the stairs a month after we

fell in Texas. Tommy was a little Tommy on a couple. Listen to a lot of Andrew Tate. It was Andrew Tate's fault Damn it No I fell down At two in the morning But you like had like

Like a It wasn't just like You broke something You like fucked your shit up Yeah I fucked I broke four I broke it in four places My ankle

My leg My upper leg And everything And I didn't even know I did it Like it was two in the morning My kid was crying So I was just like I hurried down the stairs

And you know when your eyes Kind of blur Because you're going so fast Yeah yeah And I just't even know I did it. It was 2 in the morning. My kid was crying. So I was just like, I hurried down the stairs. And you know when your eyes kind of blur because you're going so fast? Yeah, yeah. And I just lost my footing. And I fell. And I was like, Tommy, get over here. And I'm like, help me up, babe. Help me up.

And he's like, oh. He's like, your bone. I was like, what? Fucking pussy. Help me up. It was horrible. Yeah, yeah. But honestly, not as bad as having babies.

Because it took eight weeks to recover. Oh, eight weeks of me laying around the house, boo-fucking-hoo. And then I just rehabbed the shit out of it. And now it's fine. Is that in Tom's new special that he talks about that? Yeah. He's taping it tonight as we speak in Arizona. No way. So how often do you go up on stage?

Depends on the time of year. So right now I'll do Caroline's, like this, I don't know when this airs, but. This will be probably early next week. Twice a month I go out. Okay. To do stand-ups. Go out. Go out of town.

But when you're home, are you like. Really? Yeah. Not really. See, I love that. I'm boring. No, but I also love, I've been kind of thinking how funny some of these comics are who are like, I go up 35 times a week.

I know. Tell the same jokes over and over again. But I mean, I've also been doing this for 20 years. So I have a really good gauge now when I write it of like, I pretty much know how it's going to land. Interesting. I work it out a little more, but I know, I know now. And a couple comedy marriage works I know, I know now. And a couple,

a comedy marriage works well? For us? Yeah. Well, yeah. But I mean like, yeah, we're rich. We're also successful comedy couples. Awesome.

But like just the, I would have always thought that the like, because comics are competitive and it's like, who's the funniest and whose joke is, who wrote that joke and all that shit? Was that ever weird? Yeah, I think because Tom and I started together.

We both started as open micers. We both were in the trenches together. So literally, I've known Tommy since day one of stand-up, and he's known me since my day one. So anytime, and our whole circle like ryan sickler matt full strong love like um just all the homies you know like we've always rooted for one another so we're kind of not like that with each other i fucking hate other bitches yeah these other female suck my dick yeah yeah but not. Like, we're on the same team, bro. Right, right. So his success is mine.

My bank account, too, bro. That's what's up. We've always been like that. Like, whatever I got helped him and vice versa. So we've always, like, been a team. And then doing the podcast together works. Like, there's no friction. There's no...

No, I mean, you guys, I'm sure, have your days where you're just like, fuck off. Yeah, but you know what? We have our days where I'm like, I don't want to do this fucking podcast but i'm rarely ever like and it's this guy's fault it does usually seem that like every comedy duo podcast partnership whatever always like kind of meets its demise i genuinely don't think we'll ever have that happen because we are two people who just care so little about life i'm just like i'm not gonna get mad that. But there's so many other people that do, but as a married couple, I was like, you can't let that happen.

I think because we know each other so well, like we've been together for so many years, that I can tell when he's having a day behind the mic, even though it looks like he's not, I understand. That guy, I can see his eyebrow fucking move, and I'm like, ah, he's furious right now.

Well, he's got some anger issues. But to the untrained eye, they don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I know, so I know when to run and hide. Or just like fight back at a stick. Or just let him. Sometimes shutting the fuck up is the best thing to do in marriage or

or saying something or not you know it's our dance that we do sure sure it's unconscious yeah but no I love it

I mean his tour is sickening it's so bad it's like he should he should never do comedy again after that

I know he's done enough comedy for like two lifetimes. It's really been hard. I would never want to get on stage again. I'd be so sick of those jokes and the people and the pictures. No, it's horrible. The aftertaste, the meet and greets and all that.

His last one, he's going to shoot the place up. I don't know how he's doing it, honestly. I really don't. When does it end? This is it. So he's doing this. He's taping tonight and tomorrow night. And then he's going gonna have a long break

And then he goes overseas next year Which is bananas too I thought he would like Take a break Well we're December I know I know

And then they're podcast I might take a break until December I know But then we have Yeah and then you do the I mean And then And he has two bears And the Spanish until December. I know. But then we have. Yeah, and then you do the podcast. I mean, and then. And he has two bears.

And the Spanish stuff too, right? He's not doing Spanish stuff. That's the one thing we pulled back on. I thought that was brilliant though. Just like, I'll just go get the other fucking half of the world, you know? It'll happen. I think once this cools off a bit, he can dedicate. Does he just do his act and other podcasts?

Does he do all new shit in Spanish? Or is it just the same act and the same podcast and stuff in Spanish? It's different. It has to be different for cultural reasons. Right, right, right. You can't tell the same jokes. It won't translate. Some of it is the same, but some of it won't translate.

It's crazy. He's a machine. You guys are like this comedy fucking, like the golden comedy couple it's crazy so weird it's honestly like i don't see it that way because we just we've always grinded we've never not grinded bro like right when we were poor as shit living in fucking the rampart division like i we've always just by any means homie like it's cool out Wednesday night work through Sunday night at the club Whatever week come back home. We had 48 hours at home in that 48 hours We would say hello eat fuck record your mom's house

And then go back out on the road and then both of us for just years and years and then I had our first son It was 2015 and Tom had just gotten on Netflix and i was like we got to move out of this fucking dump we lived in a house like as big as like a guest house really tiny i think it was 2015 2015 and i go we got to move babe we got to move and he's like we have money now we can and i go wait we have money what do you mean what's that what's money he's like look at the bank account and i was like oh fuck dude what are we doing let's go get the fuck out of here man but for us it's always been like just grind dude and we've enjoyed the process so much this never really felt like work and i know it's so trite to say but it's never i i love stand-up and podcasting so much that that this is this is it for me yeah

i love this and you can do it when you when you do it with your husband and bert and leanne and the people who like are kind of your family it's like because if you do it with co-workers like it will you'll will burn out you will crash and burn you'll break up if you want to call it that but when you do it with like your gang it's like we can just talk forever talk some shit like talk real shit you come to my house and we have ribs and like yeah it's awesome yeah i will say with burt like i mean he he and liam really helped that night that tommy broke himself like they were there dude two in the morning just like well what do you think of their uh their birthday gift uh i've always thought the wives must be like fuck this tradition

i do think they just recently like declared declared we're not doing anything crazy. We got to scale back a little bit. But as a fan, I want to just keep going. Bert brought Tom a fucking skyscraper for his birthday. Where could this go next? A fucking spaceship. I know. I think it was the race car was the last one.

Were you like, that's enough? I'd forgotten about it. And then Tom was like, let's go see my race car. I'm like, wait, what? You have the race car was the last one But you're like that's enough I'd forgotten about it and then Tom was like Let's go see my race car I'm like wait what You have a race car Well that's good Going from grinding to like I forgot we have a race car Yeah I'm stoked

Honestly I wake up and I'm just like I'm so happy that it worked out Because you don't know when you go into this business. No, not at all. Just no guarantee. And not working out in this business sucks. It's like you're just going to live like you're eating fucking, you know, cans of beans for the rest of your life doing your spots.

It's like, this could go one way or the other. It sucks. Definitely went one way. But I will say to anybody listening that is a comedian and you're like, how do I make it? And when they ask me how do I make it, I'll tell you how you make it just grind work as hard as you can right steal jokes no no definitely grind and then have a business sense to you because the guys i've seen who haven't popped and you're like why isn't that guy popping it's probably because they've neglected the business

side of this thing it's show business dude not show art not show fucking friends no one gives a fuck about you unless you make them you know right so anyway there's my fucking i love it it's great stuff um so you got shows for the comedy festivals that would no i'm just doing caroline's i've never done it before um but i didn't realize it was is it in times square yeah but i was like that's such a rookie move you know caroline's on broadway so you're like oh i'm going on broadway but it's like nah it's right next to applebee's it's but it is it's a good it's a good room like we we've done we've done a lot of shows at caroline's it's kind of like our our home spot here and it's it works we'll do spots if you want to do you guys do stand up too

no no we do live podcasts okay okay but it's it's a good room it is Times Square oh my god just run in and run out

yeah fuck yeah and then I came to see you guys I love it thank you so much I'm so thankful and Tom and Bert and everybody's been so good to us

and we were like we gotta get you yeah to check it off well you guys are lovely we love you thank you we're so thankful to be here. Thank you, guys.

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