KFC Radio - The Hippies Were Right, Tinder Hookers, WWJHD, and We Revolutionize Vacations

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review. Head over to our youtube to see Feits' new mustachio. We play WWJHD (What Would John Henry Do) if he were put into the Kid Mayor who was shamed out of a protests shoes. We figure out that the hippies were right all along and we should just take their side now so we're not wrong in the future. Feits has a revolutionary solution to make vacations better. Top 5 Tuesday is here with the words that make you sound smarter than you are. Barstool DVR returns. We go over Lost, JK Rowling, Bloodline, High Fidelity, and the upcoming Sammy Sosa/ Mark McGuire Documentary. We also discuss Theo Epstein's wild past times. Voicemails today include living on the moon, tinder hookers, and sacrificing for the perfect temperature. Let us know what you think on twitter. @kfcradio @KFCBarstool @feitsbarstool Check out clips of the podcast on our Youtube Channel. Subscribe here: https://www.youtube.com/user/KFCradio #KFCRadio #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Could you imagine having to suck someone's dick while you're on your knees? Knees are not something you were meant to be on. We light it up, we won't come down. And the sun can't stop us now. What's it going to? We'll take it over you. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. What's that face?

I'm just looking at myself. Whatever happened to you doing your, like, evil mustache? You do the – well, actually, there is no ad read. Okay, hang on. I'm going gonna be right back no you know what go do it because uh one of our sponsors today is uh tj hanley which last week i did the ad read and i pronounced it tj hanley because i misread the ad copy and i thought the pronunciation said t slash j and really it's pronounced like siege, like Teej, Teej Hanley. So this is for men's

grooming and skincare that makes you look sharp and makes you look good. And a guy like John, he's got to take care of that mustache. He's got to take care of that face. We've all got to take care of our face. And that's what Teej Hanley does for us. They got uncomplicated skincare for men. If there's one word, there it is. There it is. I forgot it came in yesterday. You pop that bitch on. I'm going to sit here.

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They cut out the middleman. No extra cost. And for just $25, you can get started, get your face looking right, and get the free bag for when you travel. Go to Tiege.com, T-I-E-G-E.com slash KFC. You look awesome. I look really great. I look really great. I mean, this is a look, as the kids would say, L-E-W-K. This is something.

This is so annoying. You're annoying. These are the things that you do. Like you buy a stupid hat, and it's just like, ah, fuck. I don't know why you're pulling it off. Or you wear, like, sandals with socks and, like, a stupid shirt and dumb shorts. And it's like, ah, why doesn't he look stupid? And right now transform yourself

into the evil character from frosty the snowman who's trying to melt frosty and somehow you look good it's just is mustache wax is the real deal like it's this is it's like i'm just putting glue on my face this is like hard it's i've tried to do it with like uh like you know different hair waxes and things like that, and it never stays. Like it's got the different texture than the hair really. But mustache wax, it works right away. And I kind of fucking love it. Are you going to keep the beard?

I feel like if you had just the mustache like that, it would be. I got to trim the face up for sure. Yeah, because where it's coming to a point, you need to be totally clean so that people can see those points. And also, I think you have no choice but to become like an international villain. You have to be a bad guy now. I'm not too far off from that as is. I'm like really close to an international villain.

But the, yeah, I mean, I got to go in. I can get more violent is what I think. Yeah, right. But like not violent, violent. Like smart is violent, which I think this yeah right I mean but like not violent violent like smart it's violent which is smart too you need to plot a lot on my plate with just just just two twists of the fingers and all of a sudden I got a lot to do now yo it's like what happened to john he was such a nice guy and then like he murdered like 10 people well he twisted his mustache up he had no choice he had to become a mass murderer he had to become an evil man you know but you really have to get smarter if you look like that people think that you're like you know like a super genius

villain and you're gonna be like well actually i'm kind of dumb kind of kind of stupid i'm like i'm like a human podcast according to uh duncanussell, where it's like most of the time dumb but occasionally kind of poignant. Yeah. You know what? You are. You are. And I find you to be very inspirational, John, because in a world where people care so much and fight and scream and dig their heels in and don't admit when they're wrong and don't admit when they've changed and all that shit. You are always laid back.

You're relaxed. You don't involve yourself in shit you shouldn't be involved in. And you just keep it real. I don't like that about me, just to be clear. I wish I wasn't this way. I wish I was like you. I guess we got a real grass is greener situation. Yeah, goddamn right.

I feel like we always have. And then we switched lawns and I was like, well, well this lawn sucks too i don't know what's going on uh but there's so much going on in the world right now and by the way uh no guest on today's show so you just got me and your boy for a couple hours and we're gonna get weird with it we're gonna talk some barcelon dvr we're gonna do our top fives we're gonna do uh our voicemails course. So you know how we tend to get cooking and go off the rails when there's nobody. When there's no adult in the room to stop us, that's when we really – I mean, I just can't – look at that smile with the fucking mustache. Oh, my God.

It pops it out more. No, if you're listening to the podcast, God bless you, but go over to the KFC Radio YouTube page. Make sure you catch some videos of Feidelberg with this mustache because I guarantee this changes you completely. You can have the same exact opinions you always say. They're just going to hit different because you look like this now. The KFC Radio YouTube is up like 20% this month. Our boy Nick has been re-uploading all of our famous interviews, all of our best work, everything categorized

into different playlists. So if you're a YouTube fan or if you want to watch us a lot more, you go over to KFC Radio YouTube. It's a very well done page. I'm very excited about growing that the same way we grew Answer the Internet. So make sure you take a look at Fights. But I think today we're going to do life advice from John Feidelberg, because I do believe John, I know what you're saying about, you know,

you're your own worst critic, but don't you agree that the world could use a little more like let's, let's sit back and not fucking engage and throw myself in the middle of everything and fight. Right now. No, right now. Go, go do, do your thing. Right do you know right right now do i don't know maybe like maybe in less important times you can you can have i think that you're right the time is to speak up but i think we're getting a little goofy with it and i think people are like they don't know how to talk or bring it up or demonstrate or show.

I mean, some of the videos that I saw coming out of the world this weekend, while well-intentioned, I think are getting a little bit fucking silly. You know, I didn't see anything this weekend because I was without electricity all weekend. So wait, first of all, still no air conditioning that means then, huh? None this week. I was in Maine this weekend. Oh, okay. No,, still no air conditioning that means then, huh? None this week. I was in Maine this weekend. Oh, okay. No, the house, this house has air conditioning.

What was going on in Maine? You just like go Unabomber on us and go out into the wilderness? It wasn't intentional. It was a bad storm. Just knocked the power out Saturday morning at like noon-ish, give or take. Isn't that kind of the best? It was awesome. Yeah.

It was actually crazy how little it came up. Like I had a phone, but it was on low battery, whatever. But I didn't really have it with me that much. I didn't run out of phone battery. But the, not low battery, low power mode. And so I did, if I run out of a phone, I'd probably be singing a different tune right now. But with no electricity in the house, it was fucking awesome. Just drank and played cards by, like, fucking Fire and it was it was a fun ass weekend dude that sounds the i used to love

like a rainstorm or a blizzard that knocked the power out just for the firelight by the way we got a generator i don't know why i lied about that we got a generator from the neighbor to put on one lamp so there was a little electricity all right i thought you were gonna say you had a generator like put the house back on but you did not have power john there was a lamp there was a little extra stuff. Oh, all right. I thought you were going to say you had a generator, like, put the house back on. But you did not have power, John. No, there was a lamp. There was a lamp. Yeah, you need – that's – I wish the world could lose power. I wish my life could lose power.

Wouldn't that be great? And then it's not your fault. It's just like, hey, I can't do anything about it. It was fun for 24 hours on a weekend getaway. I might have a different opinion again. It was nice. But, like, somehow the beer stayed cold that was great if the beer got warm that might have been a different i might have a different opinion again but like the beer stayed cold cooked on the grill fucking played by a lamp it was it was a fun day fun weekend i that that what i'm saying is i didn't

see anything that you're about to tell me i feel like that line like if the beer stays cold that should be like a memoir like john henry spudelberg like the beer stays cold you know like or like or like the opposite like things went off the rails when the beer didn't stay cold all right so then is perfect. Then I'm going to explain to you a couple of situations and I'm going to ask WWJHD, what would John Henry do? It's brought to you by Omaha Steaks. I'll tell you what all of you should do right now is go to omahasteaks.com, search KSC in the search bar and get yourself a Father's Day package. The other day, John, at 3 PM, I wrapped up radio. I think it was Friday. I wrapped up the day, and I was stuck in between lunch and dinner, and I just cooked two filet mignons. Just had like

a little in-between meal snack. It was two goddamn filet mignons because my fucking freezer is loaded up with them because it's always Omaha season in this house. When you've got them on deck, you got them frozen, they're sealed, they're're fresh you can just pop them under the hot water defrost them a little bit cook them up let me tell you about how easy it is with this so i i'm obviously home so when like all of my promotional stuff is getting mailed here and i guess this is really a story of how useless i've been my entire life like so we got steaks one night. We have a big family, so this is about the Father's Day

order is about a night of food. It's like the four steaks, the four burgers, the whole shebang. The Feidelberg clan, you guys gotta kill a cow every time you want to just have a dinner. The whole fucking thing. But I didn't even cook it. I have aunts and uncles reaching out to me about like,

I heard what you did the other night. That's so nice. Like you got dinner for the family. Like I've been living here for free for like three months. And I, I was given food one night and be like, what a guy you are. That's how low I've set that.

It's really embarrassing. 31 years of life. And like, it's just like the strange relatives are reaching out and being like, I heard what a guy you are. What a hero in today's world. The hero tag is thrown around a lot, but the dude who gets the sponsor company to send a box of meat.

Hero. But that's how good it is because anybody that I've ever got on the Omaha train, they never stop. Once you go Omaha, you don't go back because it's so easy. It's so affordable. It gets delivered to you in the styrofoam box with the dry ice. So everything is fresh.

Everything's cold. Everything is frozen and sealed. And it's got different cuts of meat, poultry, pork. Right now, when you sign up and use KFC in the search bar, you get the applewood smoked bacon, the thick cut steakhouse you sign up and use KFC in the search bar, you get the Applewood smoked bacon, the thick cut steakhouse bacon. You get that for free. You got the caramel apple tartlets, the Omaha seasoning, uh, every, oh, the, uh, potatoes

all grotten, all grotten. A top five potato. If you're bad at drafting, maybe. Yeah. But when you get them for free, they're fucking delicious. Uh, so get on board with it with Omaha right now. But when you get them for free, they're fucking delicious. So get on board with Omaha right now. It's a great gift for Father's Day.

But it's really one of those gifts that, like, you say it's for your dad, but then you're the one cooking up the steak on the grill. It's like anything else you get for your dad. You just do it for yourself. Go to omahasteaks.com. Type in KSC in the search bar. And you can get the summer sizzle pack for $79.99, which is saving 55%. So when you go for $80, you get the four top sirloin steaks. You get the four premium chicken breasts.

You get the four jumbo franks and kielbasa sausages. You get a pack of all-beef meatballs, four perfectly brown potatoes au gratin, four caramel apple tartlets, and the signature seasoning pack, plus the free steak cut bacon. So go to omahasteaks.com, type KFC into the search bar. All right, what would John Henry do? Let's say hypothetically, you are the mayor of a city embroiled in the middle of a racial debate. You also, for some reason, look like you're 18 years old. You do not look like a mayoral candidate at all. You're wearing an outfit that looks like it belongs on a gap or like, not even gap, like Arapahoe style mannequin. You look just ridiculous, okay? You show up to your rally,

to their rally, and you're all on the same side, but somebody grabs a mic, puts it in your face, and asks you publicly to disband and defund the police department. Now, you being the, you know, political figure trying to help people, but not do anything rash in the moment, you do not agree to this. You say, listen, we gotta, you know, we gotta take a lot of steps, but we can't get rid of the police. They start to boo you and give you a real life Searcy walk of shame. They are literally yelling, shame, shame, like aside from a ringing bell, that's all that was missing from them completely recreating the Game of Thrones scene. So now you are standing there surrounded by these people, but you're the mayor of this city, and they boo you to death. And they're literally screaming, go home, John! Go home!

What does John Henry do? Well, first of all, I'd never find myself in that situation, because the moment someone asked me a question and put the microphone in my face, I'd just do what you wanted me to say. Well, okay. So in in that moment you would have agreed to uh disbanding the police to defund the police without a doubt no i think i think these guys were literally asking to disband done whatever man like if like i don't care are you kidding me there's a large group of people who are asking me a question and they want a very specific answer and they're putting a microphone in my face you get that answer i don't have in that moment i don't have principles or logic or reason or anything i have self-surfing survival tactic and guess what you get what you i'm oprah you get what you want you get what you want and you get

what you want it doesn't are you kidding that always creates like blows my mind when people are like like uh like referees like they're they're um objective they're they're not swayed by home court advantage stuff like that yeah they are there are 18 000 drunk maniacs screaming them for a call you're gonna get that call and that's if i was a referee anpire, if I'm calling a game, the home team is never getting a penalty. I just don't want to get yelled at by that many people right now. It's just not happening. If I'm an NHL referee, every game at TD Bank North Garden is like

overtime in a playoff game. You just put the whistle in your pocket. Whatever happens. No doubt. or overtime in a playoff game like you just put the whistle the whistle in your pocket no doubt and then if they guess what if i if i somehow just misspoke and gave them the wrong answer and they said to leave i leave that's what happens like i don't know you want me to do it all right i'll see you guys later i feel like i would have in the moment i think i would have spoken up and been like come on like we can't do that there's a there's a different answer and the minute they started booing and like really like giving me

the shit i would have grabbed the mic and been like all right i'm just kidding you we can do it we'll do it anyway you know what reminds me of reminds me of uh parks and rec when she marries the two gay penguins in in the beginning of the second season and she's trying to be impartial but then she goes to the gay bar and they're dancing for her and they're like they're like having a party for her and she's like okay let's do it it's that but the opposite if you i'm gonna try to be down the middle and the minute you you like you start throwing like tomatoes at me and hissing at me i'll be like i was just kidding you let's kill the police they both work for me either one works for me either either condemnation or celebration i'm in

on either one it will get me to say it's like i'm i'm a flip-flopper whatever whatever like you yell at me most about i i will change it's fine well i'm not i don't dig in my i i can't think of anything i would dig in my heels with because guess what you're gonna end up being wrong you're just aren't that's i i i've said i've alluded to this in a podcast before where i was like i follow enough people on instagram who are vegans who are most i was like i know i'm gonna become a vegan one day and it's like we're all gonna become vegans one day if you don't if you don't believe that you're wrong it's going to happen you're going to get yelled at enough and then like you'll look back and be like man i can't believe i cared about cheeseburgers that much when do you think you'll become a vegan give me a give me an age i want to follow three more vegans on instagram that's it

it's not even an age it's like a tipping point once my once my instagram becomes 27 percent vegan that's it i can't it's not even right they're not even there it's not yeah there's not a lot of yelling that sways me. It's the cooking. And I'm like, well, I look pretty good. You know what sways me? Like I read an article. I'm pretty sure the guy who wrote it was like a scientist, but he was like a vegan. So he's obviously swayed.

But he was talking about how fucking disgusting chickens are and how there's bird flus and bird diseases. And he's like, if we don't stop eating chicken, like we're all going to die. Like, look at these things. And like, you look at birds and their feathers and bird diseases and he's like if we don't stop eating chicken like we're all gonna die like look at these things and like you look at birds and their feathers and their diseases and it's like why is this like the number one food in the fucking world these things are fucking gross yeah it's it's what we were doing the other oh oh you know what so yesterday i was coming home and there was a ton of traffic so i got stuck i was at 44 and i wasn't sorry it wasn't traffic it was late at night the road was shut down um because of construction and i was just had to go back roads i was just following this car that was covered in bumper stickers all kinds of like hippie bumper stickers and i was reading them all and i was like they were right like everything they said

like it was like it's like we're 60 years late but like they kind of nailed everything so I'm gonna get I don't want to go back in 60 years to be like boy I was really dead set on keeping that cheeseburger I look like an idiot now whatever fine you're gonna end up being right yeah I understand the problem and the bad side of flip-flopping you don't want to just be like able to be bought off or easily persuaded but i also think like the other word for flip-flopping is like growth or change or education or like i have all need john kerry ah i'm um so it's like it's just it is i think it's just, it is. I think it's part, you know, where the politician might be different, but like,

I am just learning new things. Yeah. I always think that too, when people say like, like Howard Stern got soft or whatever, and maybe he did, but also like maybe he just met people with different perspectives. I was like, Oh yeah, that's probably pretty right. Dude. A hundred percent. I, I, I mean, Howard Stern, probably he got the bag and he's definitely like, I don't think I need to like fuck porn stars with objects in my studio anymore.

Also sometimes you just don't want to do that anymore. That's what I'm saying. I think he was just like, I looked at a stripper's asshole like six days a week for 20 years. I don't want to do this anymore. But, but yeah, you can find tweets of mine right now talking about past protests, Ferguson and whatnot, where I was on the complete opposite side because I was mad about traffic and I was mad about being inconvenienced at Grand Central and all this dumb shit when I was like a 20-something

who had no understanding of the world. And people were like, well, what happened now? It's like, well, I grew up. I got educated. I went through my own hardships that that maybe have empathy for others. And like the world changed a little bit. So yeah, like I have no problem telling you that the last time this happened, I was one of those dumb, ignorant white people. And this time around, I kind of get it. That's what I call a flip flopping. Fine. I call that like growing up.

I'm gonna throw a real big curveball at you here because I was not talking about that stuff. I was talking about I'm gonna get an only fans account because wait you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna buy one or you're gonna nope i'm gonna have one you're gonna get john everyone's gonna have one it's coming it's coming down the line the only fans people are gonna be the ones who were right you might as well start taking it now no we we saw the market's oversaturated we saw it with t TikTok. We saw it with every social media app. That's all that OnlyFans is, except it's a way to make that fucking paper.

We've joked about it before, like Logan Paul, I think. But it's officially time for me to start selling pictures for $2 a month. Because guess what? It's going to happen. You're going to have an OnlyFans.

Are you talking about dick pics? Or are you going to be like a regular account? People just have regular accounts on there. It's just Instagram. I don't ever use Instagram. Guess what? Now I do, and you pay me for it. Yeah. That's really all it is. It's like, if you were to pay me $2 to subscribe to my Instagram, I'd probably be

fucking more active on that shit, no doubt. Right. So what's your first upload going to be? I don't know you know what i think we should i really think we should as an experiment we'll start it we'll ask listeners to sign up and if and if there's a decent amount of them that pay we just have to become only fans models i feel like also it's a slippery slope where people start just being like guess what if you up to 10 bucks a month maybe increase increase the visibility of that content i'd be like well i started doing some math like yo this shit it's just it's it's like uh you're you're a waitress at a strip club

because this is a job and then you start finding out what other people are making, showing – It's like if I can stand here and make half my money or just stand up on that stage and make twice as much. Right. Well, I guess I might as well. What if you told people that you will finally commit to bringing back Barstool Confessions, but it's only on OnlyFans?

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. That's the people who want that. The people want that. You don't want that? No one wants that. Because guess what? Whenever I do it, I still get tweets being like, I did it like, what, three weeks in a row?

And people are like, when is Barstool Confessions coming back? You don't actually care. You just want to yell at me. Because guess what? It's been back three weeks. Ready? Okay. How about this?

Pay me $2 a month on Only only fans and you can berate me i don't know if i like that no we get berated for free we might as well get paid to get berated i don't get berated i get berated fuck you i'm gonna do this i'm sure i do i just don't see it i'm sure i get berated i'm gonna go i don't want to have to read it. I'm going to go on OnlyFans and it's like my OnlyFans account you can just make fun of me for my divorce and I sit there and I read your comments out loud as the video. So you know you're getting to me but you got to pay me

like five or ten bucks a month. Fuck that two dollar shit. That's a pretty good deal. Right? And then not only do I get some cash but I've also identified like the sickest motherfuckers in my fan base. Like, you guys are the worst. And now I know you're over there. But I'm getting paid for it.

It's like roast me on Reddit. Like, OnlyFans, roast KFC. I think I could get it. I don't know about you. I could get paid if that's where I could centralize my hate. You could get a lot of money for that. Yeah, for sure. that's where I could centralize my hate you could get a lot of money for that yeah I OnlyFans is is it really is um it's like more of a taboo subject but I think it is just the next app it's like it went from Twitter to Snapchat to Instagram to TikTok and now OnlyFans has this

like sex angle but you know the same thing like musically used to be like strictly like music videos and now TikTok just became whatever you wanted Like the first people to hop on OnlyFans, Asa told me it wasn't even sex to begin with. It was just that porn stars kind of hijacked it, but it was just like a, here's a platform for your fans, like your most diehard fans for whatever it is you put out there. And then Asa was like, well, I'm going to like fuck myself in the ass with this thing. And then, then, like history changed forever. I don't think that girl realizes how much

she changed history with that but we can take it back. We can take back that app. It's just, it's a way for people to get paid for their content. Why don't you play your ukulele and read Spanish books on there?

Do you only like live? No, you just post pictures. I don't have the live stream. You can post pictures. You can post videos. I don't know if you can do live, but you can do pictures and videos. All right. I'm going to look into this.

There is a pretty good chance. But also, I'm just going to feel really bad about myself if people don't sign up for it. Well, I mean, you already feel bad about yourself, right? Might as well take a shot. How much worse can it get? There's this chick in Australia, Renee. Renee what? She's on Twitter, at Renee Racer.

Her name is Renee Gracie. Gracie? I don't know. 22 years old. She was an Australian NASCAR driver, whatever their version is over in Australia. And she said, fuck it. I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm going to start an OnlyFans.

She makes a million dollars now. It's like, hmm, I can race extremely dangerous cars and put myself, my life on the line, put myself in danger every time. Or as she said, she's like, I just take a picture of my bum, I upload it, and I make money. Can't knock that hustle, man. Can't knock the hustle. And guess what? We're all doing it for free. We're all posting pictures on Instagram for free, lying in Zuckerberg's pockets. Lying your own. Lying your own.

And I'll be honest. I don't want to profile here because it's 2020. But you take one look at this girl, and she's got like a body with crazy tattoos. Like you would like this girl. And it's like, yeah, you're probably, you know, it's like being, like, it's like Aaron Judge playing baseball. It's like, you're in the wrong sport, dude. You're doing the wrong thing.

Like, you should be in football if you're that size. This girl should just be on OnlyFans. She does not. This is more what you were born to do. And she makes a million fucking dollars doing it. Yeah, but see, here's the problem. Like, you look at me and you don't say you were born to be on only fans yet you're gonna change the perception dude she makes she has 7 000 subscribers she makes 90 000 a month john

just 7 000 subscribers 7 000 how much is her page um it does not say. Let me see if I can find her page. Because you know what the thing is? You can do, I think you can do subscription, but then you can also just like do a la carte, like pay 20 bucks for this. Man, yeah, I, well, yeah, I've seen, I've seen some stuff on OnlyFans where it's like for the rest of this video,

DM me and that's what you get. But guess what? The seven minute video is enough for me me but I will not be giving seven minutes for free because I can't do that dude she she finished her best finish was 18th place in 48 races so like she was like happy Gilmore she like never really won any money and now she makes $90,000 a month. I would say you probably made the right career choice, Renee. Well done. And guess who's coming? We're right on your heels, girl.

The KFC radio boys are going to snag some of those 7,000 subscribers with hate watches and ukulele videos. Let's go. I had another idea today aside from um creating an only fans and and also we've made this joke a hundred times like only fans like let's get only fans you make a joke enough eventually you're just gonna do it do it right um but the other thing was so on part of my take they did the mount fleshmore things that uh vacations thing uh mount fleshmore things about from vacation, like the four worst things. And I think the worst is coming home on a Sunday and, like, you just got to get back in the office Monday.

Like, you're hungover, you got to be in the office the next day. And I think I've hinted this before, but maybe not. But this – I genuinely want this to be my lasting legacy in life. I want you completely – I want to be the guy who completely revamped vacations, okay? You take a vacation from Thursday to Thursday because now you get there Thursday or you get there

Friday or Thursday night, right? And then you have a regular full weekend. Okay, you're not traveling. Usually like you fly out on a Saturday morning, you fly back on a Saturday morning or something like that. You get an actual full weekend, which is like if you're going to a resort, I guess it doesn't matter, but if you're going to a city, it does change on the weekend versus week.

So you get an actual weekend there. And then you're home on Thursday night, maybe Friday morning, and then you have an actual weekend to relax and get reacclimated. Okay, I had a regular weekend. Now it's back to work so vacation is partly work oh absolutely i mean that the joke about like i need a vacation for my vacation is the realest shit ever i i whenever i'm away i'm like uh it's it's like this seinfeld's latest bit like you're i gotta get to my vacation i gotta get there let's get

the plane let's get that and then you get there like i gotta get home i gotta get back home that's that's life you gotta get to dinner you gotta get to museums you gotta get to you gotta see this thing you gotta see that thing you gotta go out on the boat yeah you gotta do a lot of things while you're there and it's nice to just have a weekend to chill after that so you it's all really about having enough self control like a lot of people would say why not just stay through the weekend in this city that you're that you're loving but it's because you're going to regret it when you get home on sunday you're 100 you gotta you need that like it's like uh coming up for air as a scuba diver right where you like what's it what's it called the bends you don't want to get the bends right so you

gotta like come up and get re-activated there and come up a little bit get re-activated there come home get re-activated to the couch before we have to get re-activated to the office brilliant i mean i think that's i i want that – like, vacations forever have changed. Well, so I think what's important is that you're giving yourself a whole weekend because when people say, like – people will be like, just take Monday off of your vacation. It's like, but then you stay through Sunday, and you basically always have a Sunday to Monday.

It might be Monday to Tuesday, Tuesday to Wednesday. But if you stop on a Thursday and you give yourself several days to, cause you wouldn't just be thinking like, let me squeeze one more day out. It would be squeezing a whole new weekend out. And you're not going to do that. You could probably go Friday to Friday too, if we're being honest. But like, I'm thinking, I think just as important as the reaffirmation weekend is having an actual weekend there. I think no one gets actual weekends on vacations. Like you,

you don't get to see, I don't know, I wouldn't want to go to a club or whatever but like that changes if you're there on a tuesday versus on a on a saturday night right right you're a completely different part of the city i want to see the city on a weekend so maybe this is the platform you should run on vacation or paul paps told me he'd vote for it any platform the idea leads me to. I'll tell you what. You stand up there in front of that same crowd. It's like, John, are you willing to disband police? And first of all, you twist up your mustache a little bit. And then you say, no, but, but, forget about that.

Let me tell you about Thursday to Thursday vacations. And I think the people would be like, I'm listening. Well, yeah, we're on to something here. Yeah. He's got ideas, that's for sure. And then when they're like, John, where can we find more? You'd be like, OnlyFans.com slash Vacation John, $7 a month. I'll teach you the way.

This is your second act. This is your second act of life. You're about to fucking kill it, babe. You've got to look. You've got a platform. You're about to fucking kill it, babe. You got a look. You got a platform. You've got a message. Yeah, we've really just completely revamped John Feidelberg in this half hour or whatever it's been. Holy shit.

Are you excited? Nah. Yeah. Still on brand. Still always on brand. Let's do our top fives. We'll get into top fives. We'll do a little Barstool DVR talk. Oh, wait. Let me hit you with another WWJHD, okay? Let's say you're a member of Congress, and you're a white person. And they say, you know what we're going to do today? We're all going to take a knee for eight minutes and 48 seconds, 46 seconds,

while wearing an African daishiki over your shoulders. What would John Vidalberg do? This is hard because guess what? Me and kneeling don't get along. Well, I was thinking that forget about, I mean, I think it's ridiculous to put on an African dashiki scarf over your shoulders. That's obviously preposterous. I mean, I mean like, that's like on the road to blackface. It was like, Hey, let's honor the black people by dressing like them.

Why don't we just paint our faces too? It's crazy. How about like, if that's what you dress like dress like it but but they don't nancy pelosi doesn't usually wear african colors it's very pandering and like this looks preposterous okay but as as correct as you are about that that was my thought all these old people they took a knee for nine straight minutes dude i was out of gas back when i was a kid and still went to church and shit like i was the kid who you know once people once i got my communion i was kneeling but i was sitting back on that bench absolutely my knees were barely touching that that that pad i was just sitting down on the edge of my seat while all these other fucking Christian dorks had their back all straight like a fucking pole down the side.

Fuck that. Dude, I kneeled for the first time probably since I was a kid the other day when I went to that funeral. And I was like, this is insane. I ended up just sitting. I was like, this is crazy. I can't keep doing this. The kneeling. How about girls who give head that way?

Could you imagine having to suck someone's dick while you're on your knees? I was like, this is crazy. I can't keep doing this. The kneeling. How about girls who give head that way? Could you imagine having to suck someone's dick while you're on your knees? That's a fucking fiasco, man. It's so incredibly painful. Knees are not something you were meant to be on. Obviously, we're talking about something different here now. Now we're just talking about basic anatomy. The fact that you kneel is so crazy. Can what can i just lay on my stomach what about that like the prone position is a far more comfortable one why do i have to be on my

knees right now this is it hurts so bad oh well let me hit you with one more then let's say uh you show up at a a protest or demonstration and all the white people are like you know what we're gonna do we're gonna wash the black people's feet right now, just like Jesus. What are you doing? I mean, it depends. Do they want me to do it

or am I forcing myself upon them? I can't imagine. I'm washing your feet. Again, if it's a lot of people want me to do something, I'm just going to do it. But it doesn't, if i'm not gonna make them let me wash their feet that one fell those two the the african dicegis and the washing of

the feet i was like i'll tell you what i haven't washed my own feet in about 20 years so don't trickle down showers you don't need to yeah i'm not i don't even know i i barely scrub my own toes i'm supposed to do it to a stranger i don't just drop the i dropped the the act i barely shut up you don't at all i don't i don't yeah it's i i went down to uh to put on uh suntan lotion on my feet this weekend probably the first time i touched my foot in 12 years. Like, I don't dry my feet. I don't wash my feet. I guess, well, I'll say at least three months because I haven't really put on shoes in three months. But I guess I do when I put my shoes on and socks on.

But, like, as far as cleanliness or just straight up taking care of my feet goes, I've never touched them. You clip your toenails yeah every every other it's actually weird that's an impressive part of the human body how it's just like every other time you cut your fingernails you got to cut your toenails why do they grow so much slower i don't know it's just how it works you cut your fingernails like once a week cut your toenails every other week that's just how i grow the most impressive thing to me are eyebrows and eyelashes. They just know to stop growing. Not true. I literally learned that this weekend.

It's crazy that you brought it up. What? Eyebrows just fall out. You don't have the same eyebrows you had. I don't know how often it happens, but they didn't just stop growing. That makes more sense. That makes more sense. Still, though, it's impressive that they know to do that.

Hair on your head is like, hold on as long as you can hair like two or three inches down your forehead let that shit go yeah yeah uh eyelashes are very suicidal you're gonna jump your eyebrows are looking like uh you have them today sometimes you look like you don't have them i got got some colors again, I think. So you can see my, my white eyebrows. That'll do it. That'll do it. All right. So we know WWJ HD and the answer is basically just get your only fans and get that money up, baby. Let's do some top fives. Top fives today are brought to you by Miller Lite. One of the most, you know, I keep talking about why Miller Lite's great.

And I'm always like, you get together with friends and you share some stories and you share some laughs. But really, when you think about what guys are doing the most, and everybody, not just guys, we're arguing, we're debating, we're making up our lists. We're arguing who's the goat, who's the best, who's the worst, who's the sexiest, who's the funniest, whatever. I mean, my entire life is really just one gigantic top five argument where I'm just like, I like this. No, fuck you for not liking this. Fuck you, you're wrong. And what better time to do that than kicking back, opening up a Miller Lite and sharing a beer,

whether you're lucky enough to be out there in the opened up world, having a beer at the bar, whether you're still at home drinking on zoom uh and especially right now when it comes to no current sports it's mj and lebron and brady versus this and who's the best at that it's all just one gigantic top five and so uh whether you're debating arguing discussing laughing sharing stories and your opinions there's no better way to do it than over a miller light uh it's brewed in milwaukee wisconsin 96 calories per 12 ounces only 3.2 carbs and you serve an ice cold miller light and uh you can never go wrong even if your top five is terrible you can never go wrong so get it delivered to your door today. Get it picked up from your

favorite bar or restaurant. And while you're home, enjoy a classic with Miller Lite. Today's top five. Top five words that you use that make you feel smart, that at least you think makes you feel smart. Because I have the feeling that a lot of these words are really not that smart, but you look awesome. What about what's, what's going on where your Hitler mustache would be? Is that, does that not grow there? Or do you cut that or you pull it apart? So not anti-Semitic. It's just not there. Yeah. You're the anti-Hitler. Can't even,

couldn't even grow a Hitler if I wanted to. All right, top five. These are just like basically, I don't know about you, but I have these things in my head that, like, I remember them from SAT, like, studying. Like certain words. Mine are very, very liquid. They're constantly changing because I'll hear one.

Yeah. That's a good one. I'll use it for a few weeks. I'll just forget about it. What's the flavor of the week right now? This one doesn't really apt. I've said apt a million times. Apt.

Simple. Short. Doesn't have to be big. Doesn't have to be a hard word to spell. You're not going to win the spelling bee for apt, but you're going to win points sound and smart when you say apt. I guess I'll use that as my number one. It probably wasn't going to win the spelling bee for apt but you're going to win points sound and smart when you say apt it's it's i i guess i'll use that as my number one it probably wasn't gonna be my number one but i will use apt as my number one because it is definitely my most used right what does it really mean it's like prone right like you're apt to do something you're prone to do it fancy yeah i also wouldn't have been able to define it i'd have been like you're just apt

to do something yeah yeah a lot of these words i said to jared the other day i was like yeah that's an apt comparison it's always an apt comparison that's a good one yeah that's that's true it's usually like there's a lot of words that you know that are just forever connected with with a second term you know what i mean uh i'm gonna go this one so so mine are kind of the opposite of you. These are classics. These are ones that I have either been trying. I was going to say appropriate, but you said prone first. It's appropriate. I was right. Wait, are you saying appropriate is a hard word?

No, apt is what it means. Oh, I thought you were saying I was going to use appropriate as my word. I was like, dude, that's not hard to find. But you no. I was going to say – but you beat me to it, so then you shamed me out of saying my answer. The definition one is appropriate or suitable for the circumstances. That's pretty funny that someone was like, ah, I'm sick of saying appropriate, so I'll just like cut the words out, put the T on there. It's now out.

Yeah, how often does an abbreviation sound like the smarter one? Hey, appropriate. Easy peasy, bro. This word right here, I've been using since I was probably like 17, studying for this shit. Juxtaposed. No!

That would have been my number one, and I've not said that. I think that I would be willing to bet that a lot of people's number one would be juxtaposed. Yeah. Because it's just i mean it's the simplest you know if you're comparing two things you can juxtapose them so you don't have to really be smart you just have this one word in your holster it's got an x in it if you

got an x in your word that's pretty fucking legit uh and and it's kind of fun to say juxtapose. Let's go. If it would be a good Scrabble word, it's a great fake smart word. You would get so many points if you were to juxtapose on like a triple word score with a triple letter on the X. Woo, baby. Okay. I got a list of things here. I'm trying to decide what order I'm going to go with. Juxtapose off the board.

I'll go with a similar word, dichot yeah it's a great one it's a great one that again so useful and you don't even have to be talking about like hard like like a serious topic you get there's a dichotomy with like your food you're eating your sports you're watching there's always dichotomies everywhere you look dichotomy is a nice one I don't know why I don't know but dichotomy is, like, your food you're eating, your sports you're watching. There's always dichotomies everywhere you look. Dichotomy is a nice one. I don't know why. I don't know, but dichotomy is one that's definitely stuck with me. It almost sounds like old English. I can see it written in that, like, old English font.

I don't know why. It's like a big picture in my head. A big, like, cartoon D when you start off the page with it. I like that. I'm going to – my second word here, I think I've been using it incorrectly my whole life. No, no,

I have been, but it doesn't make sense. Okay. Uh, inexorable. Whoa. Yeah. So I,

if, if things are inexorably connected, like you could, well, not anymore, but I was gonna say like Brady and Belichick are like inexorably connected. Or like peanut butter and jelly, inexorably connected. But the definition of inexorable – This game, it's like the words you use to sound smart.

It could also be called top five words you use wrong. Yes. Inexorable means impossible to stop or prevent. So I guess when something's inexorably connected, it means it's impossible to separate them. Inexorable means impossible to stop or prevent. So I guess when something's inexorably connected, it means that's impossible to separate them. So I've been using it right, but just not quite really. But see, that's, that's one. If I say that, you know, I'm in over my head. Like juxtapose, we all kind of know dichotomy, you know, if I try to drop an inexorably, it's like, on dude you're

doing too much yeah that's the i have some of those on my list where it's like when i when i say that even i'm like dude what are you doing yeah and it's like i hope no one else calls me out on this because i'm pretty sure i was using this wrong but okay yeah the uh this is definitely top five words you used to sound smart slash top five words you misuse. Right. Top five words that actual smart people think you're dumb because you tried to use it incorrectly. My number three actually isn't – my number three is, again, I think this one, it's not a hard word, although I used it once. Okay. So it's aforementioned um but the uh i remember like i almost can like

pinpoint the day and the time when i was like fuck college this is stupid and like stopped caring and it was i was in a creative writing class at florida state and the entire class and the teacher agreed that i shouldn't have made up words in my story because I said aforementioned. And I was like, fuck all of you. Fuck this. This is all bullshit. I'm out. They said that wasn't a word?

No. Like when people say like irregardless, that meant like it's just not used correctly? Or they're saying you made up the term? No, you didn't make up words. And I was like, and I'm so easily swayed because a group of people were trying to tell me one thing where i was like oh oh my bad and i got home and i looked it up and guess what i wasn't right that it's a word and my teacher was like yeah we should try and steer clear of that like i think what you're trying to say but i was like well no say because i said a word i i think that maybe i pronounce it differently or wrong.

I think I would say – You've got to hit the aff. Yeah. Affirmation. I would say the aforementioned, and that's out. No, no, no, no, no, no. Affirmation. Affirmation.

And it's so like – you could just say like the thing I was talking about before. The affirmation is – Right. It sounds lawyer-y. Yeah, big time. This is all bird talk. It sounds lawyer-y. Yeah, big time. This is all bird talk. This is all bird law. Yeah.

Affirmation, henceforth, hitherto. All that shit. They're all just like... They're all like little connecting pieces that keep your sentence going. You know what I mean? Affirmation, great one. I'm going to go...

This is such a stupid one. i can't believe they made a word this fucking difficult for just big fire but conflagration yeah conflagration i will use i i write it i don't i won't say it because i actually as i as i was about to speak it i was like conflagration conflagration i don't know won't say it. As I was about to speak it, I was like, conflagration, conflagration. I don't know how to say it. I'll sneak that into a blog like twice a year. Anytime we're talking about big fire, I'll also use it in a way like if I'm saying like a song is fire, I'll slide that in there. And I don't think that's correct at all.

But what is – You'll describe a musical song as conflagration yeah like like when i'm when when i'm like running out of other ways to say fire it's flames like when we were doing the you know the millmore like mount vesuvius lava flames i'll throw in a conflagration it's an extensive fire which destroys a great deal of property i don't know why we can't just say like forest fire or wildfire, but conflagration, John. Learn it. Know it.

Anytime you say it, super smart. All right. I'm going to go subterfuge. Oh. Because subterfuge makes like trickery sound. Sound like someone with a mustache. Yeah. Like that's how deceitful I am.

You're like James Bond type shit if you're doing subterfuge. Yeah. That's what I do with this stat. And you know what I think goes hand in hand with subterfuge? Obfuscate. Yeah, that's true. Right? You know what I learned? obfuscate yeah that's true right you know i learned i was like obfuscating the the the

evidence of me committing subterfuge or some shit dude it's always so weird too where you like learn like i remember where i was when i went oh good word uh it was i was watching the show dirty sexy money you know that show i know the name't think I've heard it. It was the dad from Parenthood is like a powerful lawyer. It's got Donald Sutherland, I believe. Right. Right. It's basically like – it's almost like Arrested Development, but it's not funny.

It's more of like a drama. It's not like overly serious, but there's not funny it's more of like a drama and it's not like overly serious but there's uh there's uh yeah donald sutherland i forget but what like the dumb ditzy daughter was like she came out and yelled was about subterfuge and i i wrote that down i was probably let's see when the show was on the air from 07 to 09 and at some point in 2008 i was like i like that word that's mine me and the ditzy daughter we're gonna say that shit let me go uh this is my fourth pick i'm gonna hit you with uh you're gonna get a two for one right here because i absolutely don't know which is which and i use them wrong all the time oh i think the daughter was Natalie Zay too, who I love.

Who's that? She's Natalie Z or Natalie Zay. I don't know how you pronounce her name. She was. Yep. Yeah, she's Is she in Californication? I feel like she's like a girlfriend somewhere. She's justified.

Justified. Oh, you know who too? The following. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I know her from. She's a weapon. I love her. Yeah, she's sexy.

Back when we used to do like wake-ups, I made Natalie Zay the wake-up probably like 100 times. Like it would just be like usually you kind of make the folder and then you delete all the pictures off your computer. I just had the Natalie Zay folder ready to go. Like today's the natalie's day load it up god the good old days of wake-ups when life was simple just find a girl and upload 350 pictures of her i remember the first time i did a wake-up it was like 25 pictures long i was like wake up with megan fox it was like 25 pictures of her and dave was like the fuck is this i was like uh wake up with Megan Fox. It was like 25 pictures of her. And Dave was like, the fuck is this? I was like, it's Megan Fox. He's like, yeah, you're like 275 pictures light. It's like, what?

He's like, yeah, Uncle Buck uploads like every single picture of them on the internet. Yeah, we got away from that pretty quick. I was like, it was always funny what things you were passionate about. Like, you could tell what things you liked about Barstool before you got here. And because that's what you worked harder on. But I never opened a wake-up gallery or a smoke show gallery. So I just didn't really – I certainly wouldn't click through like 278, 279, 301, 315.

I mean, that's fucking lunacy. All right, so this is my two-for-one because I definitely don't know which is which, and I use them incorrectly all the time. Gesticulate and Gregarious.garious good one they're interchangeable in my mind i think gesticulates moving your hands around gregarious is being like uh talkative yeah i don't i i wouldn't i wouldn't say they're similar words but like gregarious yeah it's like outgoing they're not they both just start with g but in my head head, like I learned them at the same time, and it was gregarious to circulate, just gregarious to circulate.

And I just like – I guarantee you if you search any of my tweets or blogs for that word, you'll find me using them incorrectly all the fucking time. But when I do nail it, sounds smart. Last one, diatribe. Oh. What's that? Like a, like you go off on like a rant almost?

You're on a diatribe? Like, because it's very like insulting. And it's like, what are we on this fucking diatribe now for? Yeah. And it's one I like to use in arguments. You know what I think I'm going to do from now on? When I make videos and people are like, oh, is that your rant? No, no, no.

It's my diatribe my diatribe i i always felt that rant was kind of like like sometimes i was ranting but sometimes i was just like talking for a minute about a topic i'm not always ranting the daily diatribe oh that's like yeah dude we were doing we were talking about this. You went off on a fucking diatribe. I tried. Goddamn right I did. Oh, that is a fucking great word. I'm going to have to steal that one right from you. All right, my last one.

I'm stuck between two. I'm going to go with the harder of the two here. Fastidious. You know what that one is? No. I'm going to try and pretend. You thought and pretend for a second like no uh when you're like super focused and and like detail oriented and you're paying attention like every detail yeah i definitely don't know that one kevin yeah so like when you're when you're committing subterfuge, you've got to be very fastidious with your plan.

I can't go off on a diatribe. You cannot go off on a diatribe. I don't know why I keep saying it as go off on a diatribe. It's just like a verbal attack. But for some reason, I keep putting off with it. Got to go off. So that's it. We're smart people.

If you use those words, you're smart. If you don't know those words, you're dumb. And I'm sure the beauty of this is there's like, there's so many words, John. There's so many words. Just like way too many words. I was going to use harbinger. Harbinger is a good one too. But that's like a harbinger of death.

That's like the only way you'd use it. Right. I was going to say that's the only way. And I also think I would definitely have said harbinger. Is it harbinger? I don't know. I think it's harbing I also think I would definitely have said harbinger. Is it harbinger? I don't know. I think it's harbinger. Yeah.

I would have said harbinger. So you saved me some embarrassment there. Well, I don't know for sure. So I'm – You – These are all, like, the words that you second guess a lot. I'm going to look it up real quick. Those are the words you say with one eye. Definitely harbinger.

One eye. Harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger. There it is. Harbinger yeah when i harbinger harbinger harbinger there it is harbinger of death uh can you imagine making these words up can you imagine being like shakespeare and just being like ah i'm gonna make up like a few hundred words and everybody made up after mentioned i you know if i were you i'd like track down that professor and be like

just wanted to let you fucking know that the aforementioned class I was in, you were fucking wrong. Be more fastidious, you dumb bitch. I'm going to go off on a diatribe now. All right, so the point is everyone's got their own words. So tweet at us at KFC Radio. Let us know your favorite words that you think make you sound smart. We're going to do our voicemails, but first

I want to do a little Barstool DVR. We've all been watching a lot of TV in quarantine, haven't talked about it much, so it's time to do a little roundup of something that we've all been watching. It's brought to you by Burrow. Barstool DVR brought to you by Burrow. It couldn't be a better fit when you're sitting on your couch, you're binging, you're sitting on your couch you're binging you're watching on netflix you're watching on amazon you're watching on hbo go max plus on or whatever the fuck it's called now there's about 60 000 streaming platforms and about a million shows for you to watch you got documentaries you got uh comedies you got short you got long you got i mean there's so much to watch in this world right now. I was thinking about back in the day when it used to just be like, all right, it's like

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It's the reason why I never really did The Wire and Sopranos because there's just so much new shit. which I always find that hard to do. It's the reason why I never really did the wire and Sopranos. Cause I like, there's just so much new shit that like, there's so much more discussion and conversation around it. And I find it hard to just go back and watch something like you're basically watching it all alone. But I, I went back and I started lost,

which did you ever watch? I did. I did. Yeah, I did. It was actually probably my first show yeah my first uh it was like when we were in college before uh teacher fucked me up um we would do like thursday nights at my buddy's apartment in fsu yeah we're like probably like 10 people right like that was yeah

that was probably the first show that i really i think it was the first show I really cared about. I think it was the first show kind of ruined by the internet and ruined by theories and fan fiction and all that shit because it was the first time – It was mostly a writer's strike. But the – Yeah, and in all of the universe, this writer's strike never happened. See, here's what – I've fallen in love with shows before that,

but never like a recurring weekly thing. Like I binged Friday Night Lights before that, or maybe around the same time. I forget exactly what dates. I've been, I think Californication I watched at that point. But like, again, I watched it on like mega upload rather than like watching it week to week. I did Scrubs. I was like, I liked TV, but that was, i think that's my first like well okay we're gonna discuss it and that kind of stuff there's also a big difference in that like friday night lights

sure when you're watching comedies and even californication is kind of just like you're watching this guy like stumble through life this was like a mystery and what's gonna happen with big reveals and twists and it was like i think the first for us or at least the biggest at that time uh that really like i mean it had me fucking captivated it was like it was a period of time like all i thought about and all i talked about was lost and the island and lock and jack i mean it was like it consumed me which is why it was awesome and why it was also so disappointing in the end but i wanted to go back to see if i like sorry what you're saying i just want to see like some people have told me on a i never re-watched it i watched it one time only i never went back um which usually for a show that

i loved that much i would have watched by now but i was so turned off by the ending but i've heard from people like it's not as bad as you remember and you were like you were so passionate in the moment that you were mad but if you go back and watch it with like you know some time gone by that it's not as bad as you think I don't know I remember it being pretty like this is fucking stupid regardless but I'm gonna I'll I'll give a shot I I did that was one show like I happened to be at my buddies on a Thursday night and people came over to watch it and I was like what the hell is this? And then, and they were in like season two or three or whatever it was. So I went home and it almost like when Michael Scott first discovered

YouTube, he's like, I didn't work for a week. It's like, I didn't go to class or do homework for like, however long it took me to catch up to like wherever they were, whatever season they were on, just like laid in bed. I think, and it's impossible to ever check me on this so you can't tell me i'm wrong but i believe that there was a day where i watched 20 episodes there was i forget what the exact number was but there was a day where i watched an insane insane number of that dude that is a that is like a that is a factoid about you. That should be in your Twitter bio.

In one day, I watched 20 episodes of Lost. If I was meeting people at cocktail hours, if I was at college doing two truths and a lie, one of those things would be like, I once watched 20 episodes of Lost in a day. Dude, I did it actually last time. I like competition in my laziness. Remember I got sick right before coronavirus hit?

I ended up having strep. Or no, I didn't have strep, but I went to, like, the city clinic and all that shit. Yeah. And I tried, I failed, but I tried to watch all seven Harry Potters in a day. And, like, I, I, I came so, I did, like, six and a half. I came so close. I, I, like, the first thing i did when i woke up was watch the rest of what i missed but like i was like i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it and i was like sick like i could just think dude rest like no i'm gonna put my body through

part two let's go yo speaking of has there ever been someone in the world, in history, who needs to take a page out of your book? Like J.K. Rowling. Just shut up and disappear. What did she do? She basically said something about that really pissed off trans people. you need to have like genders or like sex, like standard sex, like attributes, because I don't know. I don't know why. She was just saying like everything about me,

like I'm defined by being a woman. And if you get rid of that, then I don't know. It was very convoluted, but I know the trans people were not happy, but she keeps doing this. She keeps like, this character wasn't gay or this character was dead or I don't like trans people. She's like, just give me millions and go. I vividly remember she ruined the like comeback for me where people were like, dude, that person wrote the book.

When like someone's like trying to correct them. Right. It's like it doesn't matter. I remember someone being like, I saw someone break down the argument like very short. She said some character was gay. Maybe it was a sorting hat. I forget i forget who it was yeah i think she made a hat gay right and then someone was like no he's not and someone like dude she literally wrote the book it's like that's fine if she wrote the book but there is nothing no mention of that there's no like you can't just say things mean things. Like, it's like, red is blue in this book. Well, no, it's not. You didn't describe that.

Like, there's no way, like, and it was, like, it ruined it. Because there was a period of time when the internet was on her side about people mansplaining Harry Potter to her. And now it's like, oh, no, never mind. We did not. Dude, Taylor Swift unfollowed her. You know how pissed off you must be Taylor Swift to unfollow you? Wow.

That's how you talk about, like, you blew it. You blew a 28-3 lead on the world. You wrote Harry Potter, and the world loved you, and now everyone just thinks you're, like, a loudmouth asshole. Dude, I like Harry Potter, too. I actually like Harry Potter so much I was going to go to the Broadway show. Do you know about that Broadway show? I do not know about the Broadway show.

It's like seven hours. You have to go twice. You have to go two times. It's two separate shows. Like today and tomorrow or like early and late? I think on Saturdays you can do – they'll do – Saturdays they run the first half for the midday uh the matinee and then the second half for the night show but like otherwise you have to go like tuesday night wednesday night

that's preposterous and they're like 700 bucks a night it's crazy but i bet the harry potter people love that i know fran when i think she said it was very good yeah i feel like you can't go as a casual fan you imagine being like a boyfriend or you drag your girlfriend, they don't know about it, and you're like, well, it's a two-day show. Yeah, I mean, like, what are we going to do, a fucking Harry Potter music festival? I want to go to a play. Like, who's headlining the first night?

Hermione and tomorrow is Harry. Yo, I probably would fuck with Lost on Broadway, though, like a live performance of Lost somehow. See how they can fucking come up with that. It is, the fact that you said you can watch 20 episodes in a day is great because my takeaway right now, diving back into it, I don't know where they changed or how they changed, if it had to do with binging or budgets or writing or whatever 25 one hour episodes being the first season is fucking nuts

that would be two and a half seasons of like an hbo show and it's just we haven't changed kevin it's just the good shows aren't on those networks anymore but those networks yeah there's i think i still fuck around with the blacklist i don't watch it religiously but like the blacklist is a good show because it's kind of procedural like svu where you can pop it on and but it also has there are some relationships that you won't really understand the intricacies of but like that story will be wrapped up this episode right um but like the blacklist is still like 22 episodes a season i believe crazy man and uh i don't know what they did like they must have known they had a smash hit on their hands because the first episode cost 14 million dollars one

episode they bought a fucking they bought a lockheed 747 and they blew it up on the beach so like they had to buy and recreate like a wreckage and they did it all on location and it was like a 14 million i think it was uh two parts i think it was like two like harry potter two days so it was more like two episodes but like 14 million dollars just to get this shit started but do you think that they have like focus groups and stuff where they're like okay we know lost is going to be a hit or Or do you think they were like, all right, 25 episodes ready to roll. The first one costs 14 million. Let's fucking hope they like it.

Focus groups are wrong. A lot of the time, $14 million bet on a focus group is great. And remember they said, Jack, Jack was originally supposed to be Michael Keaton and he was supposed to die in the pilot. Could you imagine if they had done that? And like people were like oh like the hero is gone we don't want to watch this show anymore and you had 24 more episodes to air of just your first season how like every show has those crazy stories where it's like yeah like Jesse was supposed to be a die in season one and right uh the janitor in scrubs he was supposed to be in one episode, but, like, ends up being, like, a huge side part.

That's the craziest one, though. That's, like... I mean, that's the show. I think they, if I remember correctly, I think they said they wanted an atmosphere of, like, anybody can catch it, anybody can die, you don't know what's going on, which certainly would have done that, but, like, then who would be, I guess, Locke?

I don't know, who would be, like, the fucking hero? That's what I'll say about Lost. I don't know. Who would be like the fucking hero? That's what I'll say about Lost. I don't, they didn't tie it together. The ending wasn't good, whatever. The first, like, I'm on 15 now. They introduced these characters with the flashbacks and shit. It's like the best storytelling I've ever seen. Every character has a good enough backstory that it could have been like your own series. There could been a Kate series a Saeed series a Jack a Locke a Sawyer and they're

just like episode after episode they introduce someone tell their story tie it in perfectly and start this like whole other world it was it might have failed it might have it might have failed in the end in the beginning I think it's like the best tv storytelling character building maybe ever it's nuts really it's so fucking good dude like everybody like just the little twists of like like i don't even want to spoil that case people go back and watch but like there's the big shit but then every character has a like oh shit i didn't realize that or i can't believe all of it is incredible what's it on um hulu hulu and imdb tv yeah i've seen that flying around i don't know what it is but it's free so you can just watch it right now but if you uh it's on hulu for sure so if you want to join in

and bang it out uh i i know like blatman and my brother started re-watching it and people are talking about it so dude i've been re-watching a lot and for some reason i just haven't started new shows but like i re-watched with my family and they just think i'm like the greatest tv recommender ever you're stepping wall to them bro just recommending the best shows the last 15 years that's it are you watching like as a family yeah they've kind of like lost me i think they've they've they're still on bloodline um i i pop in now more than just the uh i watched like season one but just you know from doing things at night and yeah are you sitting there like put your phone down watch this is getting important watch watch watch um at one point i told my sister you know you don't have to watch right that's so great that's the deadline being like i'm gonna i'm gonna make you feel this i'm gonna make you upset like i'm gonna

hurt your feelings about this you know like if you want to go upstairs and be on the phone go upstairs i allow text messaging i do not allow social media scroll right it's like just don't even bother if you gotta reply to a text reply to a text but if you're just if you want to go fuck around on twitter just go fuck around on twitter yeah you know you got to reply to a text, reply to a text. But if you want to just go fuck around on Twitter, just go fuck around on Twitter. Yeah. You know, you don't have to watch. I got a real bitch. So, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of new shit to watch, too.

But I also feel like, you know, we got like a month left in quarantine. So, I think now is the time for quarantine where it's like things you said you were always going to do. This is it now. Like, are you going to get in shape? Are you going to go watch the wire? Are you going to read those books? This is you're down to your last like four weeks of it. So get it in now. Some people might not even, some people might already be out. I mean, yeah. Yeah. I'm speaking mostly just for New York at this point. I think we're going to be the last to open up, but yeah, you might,

you might've already missed your chance. But I would say for new shit, I know you were on it for a long time. I just finished High Fidelity. And I didn't even realize that's where our top five, like, segments came from. So it totally hits different for me now. I believe I admitted that when we started. I wasn't trying to culturally appropriate.

We weren't stealing it. i didn't i didn't realize how like when i when you see them do it on their show it makes me more excited to do ours yeah it's like they just throw it out when they're drunk at the diner like fucking around whatever that show's awesome that's if you like music and just like social friendship relationship shit uh i can't wait for season two of that that show is is, like, I might re-watch that again. I think I watched it at the start of quarantine. It's so good. I wish we could get Jake back on.

I mean, he's not on any social media, so we can't even, like, ask him. I know. I remember, like, we had him on for, like, the debut of that, right? And I think you had maybe watched, like, one episode or something. And I hadn't watched at all. And I knew him, and he seemed like a cool dude. But now I have so many questions about zoe kravitz and the show and what's real and what's not and what's this like so uh go back that's so with before i got

done episode one i was googling where everything is so i could go like visit it like like almost like like a pilgrimage to like a six week old show like take a pilgrimage to, like, a six-week-old show. Like, take a pilgrimage to go, like, oh, wow, this is the Allied bar. Did you make a shirt for the Allied? No, that was just my top five bars. That was my number one bar, but there's no shot. Sure. I would wear an Allied shirt. Now that you've seen that, is that not a bad – that's a great top five bar.

That's, like – Unbelievable. Yeah. Like, you were a victim of, like like you're too good of a choice really like not that many people are going to know it they haven't seen it yet but the allied the the the scene the oh i mean it's perfect even like all the other bars like all like the most beloved bars there's like something wrong with them right like the allied is just a great bar it's just a great dark bar it's not called the allied but that bar does exist, right?

Yes. People told me, like, there's a bar in Crown Heights that – it's a different name, but you can go, like, to that bar, which would be cool enough for me. I forget. By the way, oh, so I was watching Blacklist the other night, and fucking Robert California – Reddington? Raymond Reddington. Oh, no, James Spader. And he's always wearing fedoras. And at one point, Lizzie has to track him down to get some information about the blacklist or whatever.

And he's hot shopping in my hat shop. No! Wow. I was like, hang on. And I was looking, and I was like, that's exactly the place I wanted to get a hat. And then I saw the sign. I was like, oh,. Like, is that? And I was looking and I was like, that's, like, exactly the place I wanted to get a hat. And then I saw the sign. I was like, oh, yeah, that's it. That's exactly the hat.

Dude, that's how you know. That's how you know you got a legit hat when Red Reddington's in there. It's such a great, like, it's such a funny meme, the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at the TV. But, like, it's also so true. Like, if you still, like, something you recognize or a person you recognize. Like I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. Guys, I've been there. I used to never realize this until I got older,

but my dad would always like recognize everything in New York. He'd be like, Oh, that's like the Chrysler building. And that's some five state building where I used to work there. And I used to be like floored by it. I was like, my dad knows everything in TV and movies. And then I grew up, and I just realized that, like, 95% of the shows are taking place in New York. Yeah, there's the library.

There's the building. There's the park. Like, whatever. Also, for Barstool DVR, we'll have the Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire sports doc, 30 for 30 back. I don't know if that's a series or just a one-time thing. I think it's a one-time thing, which is crazy. Yeah, that's – after everybody got all gassed up, I feel like it was like,

all right, more Sports Docs, and now it's just a one-night thing, which I feel like you could have told – it could have been like 10 parts because you could do five for McGuire, five for Sosa, or do half and half of each episode and like chronicle the whole season and steroids and also like i feel like this one isn't going to be very good just because like i don't think people are to for a documentary to be good i i think that people and maybe it'll be good from their perspective but like the mlb needs to say we knew what was happening we let it happen like that's a whole story i'm just gonna be ignored because the MLB is not ready to admit that.

Right. If you're not going to mention steroids, if you're not going to mention saving baseball from the strike, in order to tell those stories, you have to talk about two major black eyes for baseball that they're probably not going to bring up at all. And it'll be interesting from their perspective, like how great that summer was for them and the media attention,

blah, blah, blah. But there's a significant portion of that story that's not going to be told. It's still fascinating to me that, like, the record stood forever. And then, I mean, it's because of the steroids, but the fact that, like, two dudes were both like, you know, we're going to eradicate this record, like, in the same season is fucking wild to me. I wonder if – It's also crazy to me that it still doesn't happen because the steroids still happen so do they just change their swing like yeah why

doesn't it happen anymore the steroids still happen i mean it still happens but i feel like it's not like full-blown like hulk anabolic steroids is it no they yeah they don't look there there's one video of mark muire. I think he's in Toronto. Maybe he's in Seattle where he's playing on the bases. It looks outrageous. It looks like a toy – like a G.I. Joe toy car, toy soldier running on the bases. He doesn't – I don't know what size his uniform was. He doesn't even come close to fitting in.

He has like a toothpick in his hands. And I'm sure it's like a tree trunk in real life is bad but it looks like he's just like nicking it with like a little wiffle ball bat and the balls just go so fucking i think the decline of steroids has a lot more to do with players taking them differently rather than them being out of the game. Like, players are now, like, working on fast twitch muscles and being 5-2 players rather than just, like, sluggers. Because they're not gone. It's just they're better at taking them. Do you think that they also, like, if you get bulked up,

it's like a red flag, so they're like, I can't look that way or else I'll get caught? Yeah, so they're more, like, working on lean muscle and shit like that. Fuck a lean muscle. If I was in the league right now juice me up let me hit 75 in a season and then you can suspend me for life but peace i left my mark on the game fuck you i'm gone that was brady anderson's comment yeah yes so uh and i just feel the need if we're going to talk about steroids and baseball real quick albert bell not being in the Hall of Fame, it's insane. It's insane.

I didn't know he was not in the Hall of Fame. Oh, he had a run of, like, 45 to 55 home runs a year for, like, 10 years. And, like, he had, like, 169 RBIs. Like, monster numbers. I remember. I forget what year it was. And maybe the facts will prove my memory wrong here, but I remember it was pre-All-Star break,

and Carlos Delgado had something like 115 RBIs. It was in. You know, Juan Gonzalez was like that. Juan Gano almost broke the record one year, and he had like 110 at the break, and he somehow didn't break the record. But, yeah, I mean, some of those numbers. You know, he's not in the Hall of Fame eithergado he was not even he was on the ballot once and he didn't get enough uh votes to like stick around on the ballot he's fucking

awesome in 2003 delgado had 97 at the all-star break bananas just juan gonzalez had 101 in 98. Yep. Manny Ramirez had 96 in 99. Dude, Manny Ramirez. We talked about this. That picture of Manny and Poppy, Manny Ramirez is a 70-year-old Dominican man. It's like he's such an impressive athlete. And then when you realize that he was 50 years old when he was doing it all, like we thought he was like 33. He was 50 years old when he was doing it all. Not like we thought he was like 33. He was 50.

It's like, it's crazy how old he looks. He looks so, and not like, it's not even like he looks old. He looks his age. No, yeah. Like, he looks like a guy who's 65 years old and played baseball and was in shape and all that stuff. He looks like a healthy 65-year-old, but he just looks like a 65-year-old. He is a healthy 65-year-old. Same thing with

Pujols. Pujols was like five years older than he said he was, and he fucking looks it, and he's always looked it. The only reason he didn't win the MVP when he was a rookie was because of Barry Bonds. Otherwise, Al Rapulis would have won the MVP as a rookie, and it looked like, oh man, this guy, he looks like he's

in the prime of his career, because he fucking was. Because he fucking was. Pedroia won it as a rookie. And it looked like, oh, man, this guy, like, he looks like he's in the prime of his career. Because he fucking was. Because he fucking was. Pedroia won it as a rookie, didn't he? Did he? I'm not saying he didn't, like, nobody's ever done it. Ichiro did it, too. But, like, he had a bomb-ass season. And it was only because Bonds, I think, had, like,

his 73 home run year or some shit like that. But it was like, yeah, this dude, he looks, like, well beyond his years. He looks like he's in his age 27 season because he fucking is. That's a huge difference when you're talking like four or five years. Voicemails. One rookie year 07 MVP 08. Man, what a run from him, huh? The speaking of baseball, Nick just reminded us,

they were talking about it on, on Barstool radio. So I'm just going to bring it out there real quick. Again, Oh, speaking of baseball, Nick just reminded us. They were talking about it on Barstool Radio, so I'm just going to bring it out there real quick again. Theo Epstein is the craziest person who's ever lived. And they were talking about how it was crazy that he would follow people home because, like, they wouldn't recognize him and he just wanted to see what a normal life was like. Which, by the way, let's not discount that. It's fucking crazy.

That's insane. It has nothing, nothing on him hanging out at his office in the middle of the night at Fenway Park listening to planes crash. Listening to the – I'm going to get exactly what it was, but that's what it was. It was – wasn't it like Breaking Bad? It was like the air traffic controller reports. Yes. It was – Into each other.

Okay, so here's the full paragraph during the famous red sox during the red sox famous chicken and beer collapse he didn't sleep staff members made jokes about waiting on the sun to rise mocking their own despair but on a few bad nights when things felt bleak theo would wander the internet lingering in macabre things like air traffic controller recordings from plane crashes he knew he needed to leave boston to start fresh no matter how the collapse made the exit look or feel i hated that i hated i was seen as running from the collapse he says but i guess on some level i was running from something yeah dude yeah you think yeah baseball bro it's your own inner goddamn demons by the way

macabre great words great words awesome one uh yeah theo i mean he's the man who dressed up in gorilla costumes and ran around like chasing people no he didn't chase anyone that was just so he could escape I mean Theo's got like he's just clearly a man with some like pretty serious like depression and mental issues but it was an anxiety issue weird at parties didn't you just like just sit in the corner and play the guitar at parties or some shit like that I forgot i don't know that one i can't speak i think there's some story about him at like a party with like eddie better and like it was like a bomb party with like a lot of people oh even like eddie better like best friends so i'm sure he does that a lot yeah yeah he's i mean the more and more i realize it is i feel like you have to be just like a total weirdo

on some level to achieve like any level of greatness you know you got to be like a total weirdo on some level to achieve like any level of greatness. You know, you've got to be like a lunatic like Jordan or a little bit off like Theo or like to be a funny comedian. You have to have like a dark past. It's like, if you're normal, just give up on greatness because you're never going to have it. Some of them replied to when I tweeted that, like the, uh, the paragraph, someone replied, said, imagine explaining to the man who invented baseball that this is the level of stress it will cause one day.

He's like, oh, no, I was just talking about going out back with your kids and hitting a ball with a stick. Like, why are you inside listening to air traffic controllers report plane crashes, dude? That is the darkest thing you can come up with. Like, if I was scripting, like, a depressing scene, I'd be like, ah, that's too much. We can't. Like, why would he do that? I don't know. He's just really fucked up.

He just sits there listening to like, like, like Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. Like pull up, pull up, pull up. And then he's just like, next, next one. Well, night's still dark at time. Cracks a beer, it's play again. All right. Voicemails today are brought to you by SimpliSafe. If you're trying to take care of your family and your loved ones,

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but the only stipulation was that you had to be among the first 10 people there. Would you do it? Let me know what you think. We've done this in different variations before. Would you rather be the first 1,000 people off the planet or the last 1,000 people on? I think 10 is too few, though. I think 10 is too few. If you put me with 100 people, I'll find someone i like you put with 10

people oh so you're worried about just the company you keep yeah i'm thinking that the first 10 people on any expedition are like you're dead oh no i'm not worried about that um the uh the yeah like i just i don't know like there's gonna to be. Okay. You can hand pick them. Done. Yeah. Because then. Well, no, because, like, there's no infrastructure there. There's no bars to go to.

There's no. So the answer is no. The answer is no. Because, like, I just. All right. What if I told you this? What if I told you there's, like, a moon, like, a space station, a base on the moon? It's not going to be, you know, the fucking coolest place in the world but you're gonna have somewhere to sleep you have somewhere to eat there'll be some sort

of like center you ever watch like star trek back in the day they have like a bar kind of like a restaurant on the thing and then their quarters and all that i never saw star trek but i saw the one that uh fucking uh chris pratt and uh whatever and jennifer lawrence are in where it's like okay similar to that like you know there's gonna be a there's a maybe a couple bartenders or robots or some shit to help you out and uh you'll have like a place to hang out place to eat and live not gonna be glamorous but then and then if i buy huh their wi-fi yeah yeah i mean you're gonna have like well are you uh you're saying, you want to be on, like, Twitter and, like, the regular internet?

Do you see you want Earth's internet on the moon? Yeah. You're making a lot of demands, and you're making a lot of, I can't think of the word, but it gets with a C. Concessions? Concessions, yeah. Yeah, well, I was going to say, I'm not giving you Earth's internet on the moon. You can communicate.

You can, like, you have, like, a, you know, when you see these people, they talk, like, on Zoom, like, in Interstellar. You can, like, leave a video message. You can communicate. But I'm not allowing you on, like, Instagram and shit. Because then you're just living at home. You're just in quarantine again. I was trying to see how far you'd go, and you get people that's it now because a different answer than what i would i would have given you a different answer four months ago but now that i've

done it in a sense yeah i miss a lot and i'm i can't have uh too much routine because like i just get i even like try changing my routine here where you know people said like it's good to keep a routine yeah my routine is is chaos my routine is not having a routine so like, I do what? It's just the, you speak in, uh, in like Chinese riddles, like fortune cooking. You know, it's like, what? My routine is chaos. Okay. But like, it is like, I like, I don't know. I'm not used to having a schedule. So like I did, like when I first came here, I was like working outside.

I was working in the garage all the time. Yeah. And was like i worked from bed a bit i worked from here a bit where i try to work outside i work out at different times like everything is just it keeps me on your toes i don't i don't like routine and if you're just like with 10 people in space for the rest of your life you're gonna fall into routines and that's not for me what what if uh you get to pick the 10 people? Could be famous, pretty, whatever. And they're all going to like you for it. Like if Bone the Moon was like, they won the lottery by having John Henry pick them.

So you'd be like the man up there with your pick of 10 people. No, you're making it worse. You're like, he's got 10 people who are thrilled to hang out with me. I don't like hanging out with people who are happy to hang out with me. I want someone who like mildly, mildly accepts the fact that I'm there. It's not like I don't want it to be a thing.

Thank God we're with Fights. I'll be like, Fights is here. That's what I strive for. I like a high. I don't like too much more attention than that. When I walk in and it's up, that's it. Back to your whiskey, that's it. It would be kind of cool if you were, like, drinking, like, whiskey on the moon with, like, The Rock or some shit.

That'd be cool for a night. Then after that, I just got a friend who was okay. Like, once I start – Okay, one more thing. What if you could bring anyone from history, alive, dead –, like you could bring Paul Walker to the moon with you. Well, yeah, then I just bring 10 dead people. But then, I mean, they're going to be alive again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like that's cool. Also, but that's cool. Like anything, that's cool until it's not cool anymore. I mean, what's cool about having Paul Walker back on the moon is now you get to watch more Paul Walker movies just like Paul Walker's on the moon with you. That's it. No, no, I'm that.

If I were to do something like that, that would strictly be. So like how people talk about me on earth, I probably find the whole experience miserable, but people are like, dude, fights on the moon, which is 10 dead dudes right now.

Like somehow fights as MLK on the moon with him, like Paul Walker. Okay. Alright, fuck it. You don't have to do ten. Give me five. Alright. Let's see. Straight up dead dudes. Alright.

JFK, MLK. Yep, yep. We'll go... I'm trying to think like i don't even know i think i'd bring back kobe oh no he made me like work out and stuff like wizard jump shot sucks dude but yeah i know man i fucking blog you don't want to get better like not really man for you would be terrible but if you were just like back on earth they were like yo he's up there with the mamba that'd be cool yeah that's true but like there's a certain line where it's like okay

this is cool and then it's like well now you're encroaching upon my personal space kobe bryant and like like i'll bring it back i'm gonna bring you the movie kobe under one condition you don't make me work out you don't bother me at all i brought you back to life is this not enough for you like I need to be able to hit an NBA three too like at three o'clock in the morning he would be such a dick to you he'd be running sprints and making you do it I wish I never brought you back Kobe I wish you were dead on earth instead of alive on the moon um okay Bowie um Bowie MLK mlk would be fun just because like mlk i would have the most fun with because i'd be like look this is how people use your message now and he'd be like what are you kidding me this is how you remember me what the hell and like we just bitch about people

that would be he'd be my most fun because we just bitch about people. That would be, he'd be my most fun because we just bitch about how people act. You know what I would love to, like, I would love to get MLK's thoughts, anybody's thoughts on like their big speech.

Like if MLK was like, I had, I had a dream. I wrote that in the shower, dude. Like I came up with that in like 15 minutes. You guys are still talking about that?

Yeah. That was like a thing that me and my buddy used to joke about that I put in at the last second. It i feel like that like uh like anyone who gets remembered like is must resent what they're remembered for like yeah or it's or it was never like that was not meant to be their last thing you know jfk like dude ask not what you're for country like i didn't care about that i just you know i just need to say that in the moment do what you're gonna do fuck off i know there's a boston athlete with a

quite a legacy and he like he hates it he's like i didn't even do the right thing that play like that's it's gregory campbell and he was like it's he broke his leg and he like stayed on the ice for too long and it was like from what from what i've heard he's like i should have gone off the ice like which i've always said and people said i'm wrong because he was on the ice for too long. And it was like, from what I've heard, he's like, I should have gone off the ice. Which I've always said, and people said it wrong, because he was on the ice for a minute and a half. And it was like, it would have been a five on three for 20 seconds if he went to the bench, rather than a five on three and a half

for a minute and a half. For a minute and a half. And people revere it as a good move? Oh, it's like heroic, yeah. Because he's a tough guy, but it wasn't like... Yeah. And he's never told me that first, I've never read it, but it's just what I've heard.

As long as those history reimagined stories and books and movies, people need to shut up, because it's like, you know, what's the phrase? Like, whoever wins the war writes the history books, or whatever the fuck it is. It's like, there's always more like the whoever wins the war writes the history books or whatever the fuck it is it's like there's always more uh there's always more to the story just depends on who gets to tell it so uh let us know who would you bring back from the dead and or live on the moon with if you could go and you had a bar but no wi-fi next voicemail hey what's going on fellas uh question for you so this pandemic this has been crazy times um i'm browsing tinder and uh you know swiping and whatnot and the girl's gotten

her profile you know add me on snapchat whatever so i do and i mean almost instantly after adding her i get a video from her and you know she, she's looking sexy and everything. So she's like, who's this, you know, who's this tender boy, blah, blah, blah. So I sent her a video back, and probably a couple minutes later, she hits me up in the chat and goes, look, you know, I'd love to go on a date, but, you know, I could really use some money. You know, I'm happy to give you some heads. Your place is mine. I'm sitting here thinking like yo quarantine man

this has been kind of crazy um so i guess my question is like he didn't tell me how much i guess my question is like would you guys pay for this or would you not i love this is just such a roundabout way to be like would you guys buy a whore that's all this is would you guys engage in prostitution or not like he's talking about quarantine and snapchat this is just a girl who wants you to pay her money for sucking your dick that's all i mean it's like aren't like dating apps overrun with like sex workers and things like that you just stumbled upon a prostitute i love the phrase i hope it was literal i hope he wasn't paraphrasing i'm happy to give you some head that's unreal if the price is right i'm happy to give you a little

bit of head it has nothing to do with quarantine dude but but it has everything to do with quarantine quarantine is like the great uh excuse like it's like well it's quarantine so i was buying whores but it was it was april 2020 doesn't count so would you do yeah no i would not do it i i i would be far too worried about that i i don't like i'm scared of social media of dating apps because of just like what my game would look like if it leaked if someone was like oh this is how john texts like a girl he's interested in or whatever i don't i don't want to mess dip my toe in the prostitution ring of tinder imagine you know what you would be terrible at i would love john's snapchat prostitution

negotiations to leak like i'm happy to give you a head uh you know it it's going to cost you like 500 bucks. And John's like, I'll give you, I'll give you 475. No, no. I feel like, I feel like a lot of people probably did though in quarantine. And depending on where you are, I bet you in New York, there were people who were like, I can't go out and just get laid like usual and like the only people who are willing to break the rules and shit are going to be like sex workers i bet you i bet your prostitution went up during quarantine yeah you're probably right but like who needs to get laid that bad oh there are i mean john you gotta remember you don't like sex but like that bad where it's like i'm gonna invite a stranger

into my house During a global pandemic I'll get by Well that's I mean Really that's what You're doing When you hook up anyway You're just like

I found this stranger At the bar We're gonna have sex I'm gonna come back To my house But there's A hundred thousand people Haven't died

Through something That person might have Like At least not in the last Month or so You know Maybe Maybe in the last 20 years But not in the last month or so, you know, maybe in the last 20 years,

but not in the last three months. It's just a crazy, I don't know, I guess I just don't understand sex. The risk is sex. Do you think coronavirus is going to come back? I think if you told me I could never have sex again, I'd be fine. I mean, you know you can just do that, right? You just don't have to have sex if you don't want to. But it's like I don't want to. I just think I'd be fine. I mean, you know you can just do that, right? You just don't have to have sex if you don't want to. But it's like I don't want to.

I just think I'd survive. I wouldn't, you wouldn't, I'd be, I don't think you'd catch me in a year being like, man, I haven't had sex in a year. I'm going crazy. Like, I enjoy it. It's fun, but it is not a medical, I'm going to come out clean. I don't have a sex addiction.

I just. Scott is the first anti-sex addict. I just submitted it on this radio show, on this podcast. I do not have a sex addiction. Do you think coronavirus is going to come back? Yeah, of course. He said that so, like, so casually that, like, but, like, the rest of the world doesn't think so. Everyone's just like, oh, yeah, like, the protesters ended coronavirus ended the coronavirus like no they fucking didn't well they did like they they did

they ended the the news discussion they didn't end the disease and they ended the news discussion and they ended the lockdown they're like hey but this is over and it's like oh people like oh so we're safe now it's like no they're gonna get sick in like two weeks. I think someone said that like for the foreseeable future, five to 10,000 Americans will die a day, a week, a week. And it's just like, this time it's okay. Like back in the day, people like, not back in the day, but a couple of months ago, everyone was like crying over that. And now people are like, man, got to do what you got to do.

Basically. It's all PR, man. Let's do one more voicemail and we'll get out of here it's brought to you by the zebra uh i pay so much goddamn money in my for my insurance that it is bananas i don't know what's going on my car insurance is through the roof probably has to do with a bunch of goddamn car accidents but uh i need to renegotiate you're the greatest driver in the world with the most speeding tickets and the highest car insurance it's not me john i don't have any accidents i pay for other people's insurance who got into fucking accidents it's not my fault but i do have a lot of tickets i do have

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using TheZebra.com. Go to T-H-E-Z-E-B-R-A, TheZebra.com, slash KFC, and find out how much you can save on car and home insurance today. That's TheZebra.com, slash KFC. What's up, guys? First time, long time. I was listening to the episode last week about, and you were talking about how you hate when it's uncomfortably hot in your house.

I've been living at this place for about three years now, and every summer the AC goes out for a long period of time, about a couple weeks, which in the middle of summer, it sucks. So it got me thinking about how, like, what would you give up if you could always live at a comfortable temperature? I know you guys said during the episode that 68 was your comfortable temperature, which I totally agree with. But what would you give up to live your life always at 68, whether you're inside or outside? I mean, first of all,

what are you doing, dude? Like three years in a place where you just know the AC goes out. Like you could have said like, all right. So every summer for a few weeks, marauders raid the village and light everything on fire. Like we just move, man. Stop. I agree with you.

But like the amount of people who are just like, we live in the hurricane zone. And like every August and September, we might lose our house. I just wouldn't live there. But there's a difference between like, this guy doesn't have to change locales. We can just get a new apartment. Basically, yeah. Down the street. It's a fucking problem.

Right. It's like, I understand that like, you know. You're home. Yeah, you're home. And you're like that. And's a fucking problem. Yeah. Right. It's like, I understand that like, you know, you're home and you're like that. And that's, that's one thing. But to just, to just be like,

yeah, this apartment complex, the air conditioner breaks every summer for the whole summer. I mean, you, you were, you were staring down the barrel of like no AC for like two weeks and, and one time. And you were like,

if this goes on a day longer, I'm leaving. I did it. The, I did one i i did one i did one full summer in new york no ac well it was i don't know if it's um if if i'm if i if as i get older i'm getting spoiled or if i'm getting less tolerant or if you know i'm making some more money so my but like i remember being a kid and i think we talked about this a couple weeks ago with DEC,

where it was just like, yeah, I don't know. You open the window. Maybe you have a box fan, and then you sweat. And it's just like that's just how it goes. And it's just like that's not an option anymore. No. It is a non-starter. But also, okay, so I wouldn't want this.

So I'd sacrifice nothing for this because I don't want it to be 68 all the time. Wait, yeah. So what's the actual hypothetical here at the end? What would you sacrifice to have the temperature, your perfect temperature at all times? All the time, yeah. I don't want that. Why? You want it to be like, you know, there is no light without the darkness sort of thing?

You want to know what it's like when it's not 68 so that when you get into 68, you feel good? I kind of – more of my routine is chaos type thing because like i i just like i just like not knowing what's going to happen i don't look at the weather i do like i just walk outside every day i get dressed without checking the weather i walk outside and that's what i wear and but like i like it when like oh it's going to be freezing next week that's cool with me oh or like i if i go outside i want i want there to be a change i want like the the escape of air conditioning possible like when i go to the beach i don't want to be 68 yeah i feel i get what you mean you need you know what's what's your famous phrase something about the variety of life you're a big variety guy. No, it's actually routine still.

No, I forget. I forget. I don't know. I think you just like there to be. Routine is the death of interest, according to Nick. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. I guess that was not the right.

I guess it all kind of ties in. But the same way you can't do any exercise unless it's, like, constantly changing. You're just like a goldfish. You just can't have, you know, I guess it all kind of ties in, but the same way you can't do any exercise unless it's like constantly changing. You're just like a goldfish. You just can't have, you know, it's just a constantly new, new, new, new, new. I get it. I'm becoming like the other day it was 80, low 80s, mid 80s. I was like, I'm done with summer.

I'm done with it. I don't want it anymore. Like my tolerance for these things that I don't like, like I used to be like, oh, it's the first day it's 80 degrees. I'm going to go to the beach or I don't want it anymore. Like my, my tolerance for these things that I don't like, like I used to be like, Oh, it's the first day it's 80 degrees. I'm going to go to the beach or a layout or whatever. Now that I'm not doing those things, as soon as I'm uncomfortable, I don't, I want the new season. Why had one day of summer and I was over it.

That's enough. That's enough. I'm the same way I've, I've become, I don't think it's, it's like a goldfish. I think I've just become like a rude old man. Yeah. You're becoming an old white man. That's what it is. I'm done doing this. I don't do this anymore. And that's it.

And that's fine. It's like, I do at dinner tables. I do it at bars. I do it. I say, I don't, I do it in conversations. Like my mom, my girlfriend, like just, they know now they're like, you're done with this. And then I, all right, I'll talk to you later. And it's like, it's like, yeah, you're right. I'm done. i'm done i'm done i'm out i can't fake you can't fake it anymore you spend the first

like 28 years of your life faking it and then by the time you're pushing 30 you're just like i'm not even gonna pretend anymore i'm not gonna pretend to like the beach i'm not gonna pretend to like this movie i'm not gonna pretend to like this conversation or whatever the fuck it is there's larry david's girlfriend like this is or whatever the fuck it is. There's Larry David's girlfriend. Like this is what I strive to have one day. She says she loves riding his coattails because when he's out and, and he decides he's done, he just gets up and walks away. And everyone's like, ah, classic Larry.

And it's, and she has to get up and leave because he got up and left. Right. Like it's beautiful. Like people say, ah, classic Larry. And I just. The best thing in life it's it's when you get the manny being manny treatment or in larry david's case it's like start grooming the world for you to be basically a selfish asshole yeah whatever you want and find a way to make the rest of the public find it endearing john he hasn't ever engaged in anything he doesn't want to do.

He doesn't leave his comfort zone at all. Classic. It's great. I can fake it for, like, serious things. Yeah. But I can't fake it for something that just doesn't matter. I can't anymore. You shouldn't.

You shouldn't. Life's too short, bro. So the answer is I would sacrifice nothing because I don't want this to happen. I would not want that. I don't want to live in san diego basically is what i'm saying yeah yeah i'm with you on that i would probably uh maybe not uh 68 but i would probably sacrifice something to be like all right it's never going to be 90 again and it's never going to be like zero again i might want to you still give me this the range but I don't want the extremes I mean I like a zero I love a zero in fact no is that because there's something about the cold that doesn't happen with

the heat like people aren't like a cold brings camaraderie cold cold cold brings people together yeah I mean you you catch a hundred day a hundred degree day in the city and there'll be like 25 murders overnight yeah when the temperature goes up Chicago becomes a bloodbathdegree day in the city, and there'll be like 25 murders overnight. Yeah. When the temperature goes up, Chicago becomes a bloodbath. In the cold, it's like everybody just like hunkers down and snuggles up, and it's fine. Yeah, cold brings you a common enemy. You're like, we're going to beat this by being at a bar and just drinking in jackets.

Right. And the heat is just like everyone hides from. Yeah, that's true. Boy, your boy's getting philosophical with the temperatures out here. All right, that's it for us. We'll be back on Thursday. We'll have some interviews for you. We'll get into our M of the assholes.

Make sure you tweet at us your top fives, your moon hypotheticals, and whatever else in today's episode. And we'll catch you guys next time. Peace. It's only right. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.