KFC Radio - The Homeless Holler, WFAN Candidates, and John Leguizamo

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

John witnessed a man selling ties catcalling two doctors. KFC gets consideration for the heir to Francesa's throne. Eating peanut butter with a spoon. What's the worst torture that you'd want to survive? Gary Gulman's The Depresh review. The Morning Show review. Voicemails include: worst job for your girlfriend, grumpy and old, how to find out if she's interestedJohn Leguizamo stops by to talk about his new movie Playing With Fire, Super Mario Brothers, Romeo and Juliet and losing at Who Wants To Be A MillionaireYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio, brought to you by Truly, Truly Hard Seltzer. They've been working with Parcel for a while now. The foreplay boys are just, I think they got Truly coming out of their pores. I appreciate a good hard seltzer because when you hit my age, I know it's, you know, the girls love it and the young kids are partying, but I also, at my age, I don't want to drink like 30 beers,

but I also don't want to have to like bring a bottle of vodka and soda with me when I go out or I go somewhere, you know? So just being able to have, you know, basically like a vodka soda in cans is as convenient as it gets. Yeah, and more importantly, it's delicious. Yeah. We go out and order them. That's what we got when we go out on our Monday night footballs. That's what we drink.

At the bar? Yeah, because it's nice and refreshing and also not so bad in the morning. What flavor you go? Also, a nice little pick-me-up when it's right at your bedside table. We go over in the morning. Monday, Tuesday morning is not so bad. I am a... Don't ask me that because I don't know any of the flavors.

They got the citrus pack, lime, grapefruit, orange, lemon. They got the berry pack, wild berry, blueberry, raspberry, black cherry. Black cherry is disgusting. I'm sorry. Who likes black cherry? I like black cherry. I like anything cherry. Oh, it's Robitussin.

No, cherry is good. No, no. We got in this fight with schultz the other day about like people don't like red starburst what are you talking about red starbursts are delicious it's cherry flavored i guess but red starbursts are the best i'm going with the tropical pack pineapple mango passion fruit watermelon kiwi kiwi is underrated watermelon kiwi yeah it's a good flavor also we're gonna be seeing your lady later that night if you've had yourself a pineapple mango passion fruit or watermelon kiwi,

she's going to be happy too. A little spiked seltzer for her, if you know what I'm saying. So get yourself some Truly today. Truly hard seltzer in the fall, the summer, the winter, all year round. Truly hard seltzer. What do we got today? John Leguizamo is on the show. New York legend.

The pest. More importantly, a lot of American history from War Monk. What do we got today? John Leguizamo is on the show. New York legend. The Pest. More importantly, a lot of American history from War Moms. Yeah, that's right. John is not a theater fan. He's now a theater snob. Yeah. For sure. I mean, I'm not, but I would welcome the...

I wish I was knowledgeable enough to have that type of... Well, Ryan, in these parts you are. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you could make up names and shit. Amongst Cretans, for sure. I am a theater snob. If you told that to a real theater snob, they'd be furious. I feel like the main thing you have to do for theater is say three names.

Like people have three names in theater. They go by their first, middle, and last. John Henry Feidelberg. Yeah, like if you were a theater stage actor, you would be like, I'm John Henry Feidelberg. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. Everybody goes with the middle name.

I might change my parcel handle to that. Yeah, you should. Just that act posted by John Henry Feidelberg. John Henry Feidelberg, minus that, you know, the horrific last name. John Henry in general, that sounds like,

and maybe because it is, it sounds like a historical figure. Yeah, it is. It's Doc Holliday. It's his real name. Right. But nobody knows that. Only you.

Only me. So that doesn't count. It's John Henry the. But nobody knows that. Only you. Only me. So that doesn't count. It's John Henry the Steel Driving Man. Right. That's the one you're thinking of, I think, probably. He won the battle and then died? John Henry won the... Yes, I don't know if I'd call it a battle. The race against the machine. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't worth it. Uh, probably

not, you know? If I had to come down to it. Like, the railroad company was probably like, or whatever, the robotic, whatever the fuck it was, was probably like, uh, okay, well, the guy who can do it is dead. Yeah, perfect. The last guy who could have put us out of business is dead. The only guy capable of doing this is dead now, so we're going to take over the town. You're all out of jobs. Good job, John Henry, you dickhead.

We could have used you as the union leader. Instead, you're fucking dead. Yeah, we're going to bring in a bunch of Chinese men now and just have them die while they run this thing. We're going to run these dead bodies over the train. I think they buried them in the mountains, didn't they? I'm sure. When they were doing like railroading and stuff like that. I believe, or maybe it was the Ming Dynasty building a wall would just use the bodies in the wall.

As like mortar. Yeah. I forget what it was. Spackle them together with the dead bodies. There were definitely some unfortunate chinese men buried in walls well i mean that's listen since the beginning of labor there's been dead chinese people i mean that's just how it goes what does that mean yeah like like when they have to put those nets in the iphone factories oh people are always dying okay that's a pretty good point i mean up until modern days i'm glad I asked you to expand on it because that was a weird clip otherwise.

But okay, now I understand. Yeah, it makes sense. I don't agree with it, but yeah, it checks out. If I was in charge, I probably would have helped them a bit. You're not. But I'm not. I'm a lowly blogger and podcaster. Yo, let's get political for a second.

How about that ABC News shit? That chick being like i had this whole fucking story right or rock i've seen the headline i have not seen the clip oh man it's it's uh we'll put it in real quick it's actually worth watching she is now it's funny and i understand where she's coming from but um she is more upset that like she didn't get the story you know what i mean it's not like she you know on some level yes like you're happy to uh take down this pedophile but she was like that was my story and like they didn't run it you know what i mean there was another clip too where she was just like i had um i had virginia roberts on the record i

had corroborating stories i had uh alan dershowitz got involved like they she had it all and abc was like it does not meet like she said they didn't have enough evidence yeah it didn't meet the journalistic standards and that's what they said she was like we wanted to talk to william and kate during their wedding like that's they didn't want to ruin any like any you know prince because prince andrews implicated in in it too oh yeah she was saying like we wanted because at one point she kind of like she doesn't realize she has a hot mic she's like we wanted to talk to will and kate so couldn't do that and she said that the guy whoever she was working with was like hey jeffrey epstein is the most prolific pedophile in human

history like here you go and abc was like nah we're not running it that's what the ronan farrow thing i think they said that he gave it to nb and they were like, no, it doesn't meet our journalistic standards. And then like three weeks later, or maybe it was three months later, I forget the exact timeline, it was the front page of The New Yorker and the biggest story in the world. Why would you not – like what is the downside of having that? I think that if you didn't have the foresight to know that this was going to be very widely accepted as fact. How could you not have the foresight? Well, I think that— If you didn't have the foresight to know this is a massive story, the biggest pedophile in history—

One that sticks, though. If you really didn't think you had enough evidence, you'd be like, we're going to be the guys that alienate the Clintons, the Royals, this, that, all the billionaires of the world. And it's maybe going to just be... Because that's the other thing, too, is like, even as ironclad as it is, I would be worried that the Clintons, the Royals, and the billionaires of the world would somehow make this look not stick. You know what I mean? And then you're the

assholes who try to, and you don't get access, you don't get anything ever again. What you should have to realize is when you have the case, when you have the smoking gun, basically, it's like, you'll be the case when you have the smoking gun basically it's like you'll be the yeah like if you look at websites at least

there's a lot of things the Clintons have done that just hasn't stuck right you know like you could paint these guys as like serial murderers but it hasn't stuck

for a reason so this is just one more thing that doesn't stay Epstein gets convicted and it's like oh okay so this was real you know that's what people believe it's real

like you get convicted in a court of law and sometimes even not then. Sometimes you think people are innocent even when they are convicted. Well, he went to jail, right? Yeah, didn't he get – Epstein didn't get convicted? I thought he did. I don't know if he ever stood trial.

In jail waiting for trial. Yeah, we should probably Google this real quick. But it did seem quick. Like I don't think he would have gone to – Harvey Weinstein hasn't even gone to trial yet. Right. So I feel like he was probably waiting in jail, didn't make bail or whatever. I don't think he would have gone to – Harvey Weinstein hasn't even gone to trial yet, you know? Right. So, like, I feel like he was probably waiting, you know, in jail, didn't make bail or whatever. I don't know.

But – Yeah, so maybe it was the – Okay, he pled guilty. Wait, no, that was in 2008. That was the thing that, like, really, like, put this forward where it was, like – So maybe it was the arrest. Like, you know know when somebody makes a move to like i mean like i didn't know much about epstein until he was arrested yeah no

but then you hear that he was you know like this has been going on for many many years so once it you know gets made real like okay the the the courts are making a move on this guy yeah yeah because that's definitely why that's why he got killed before court because he would have taken the stand and then yeah he could have never made it to trial that's definitely why he got killed before court, because he wouldn't have taken the stand. Yeah, he could have never made it to trial. He got arrested in July and died, killed himself. I'm sorry, murdered on August 10th. Suicided.

But it's like, you know, if Bill Clinton gets arrested tomorrow, then everybody says, oh, yeah, well, I mean, we've been hearing things about Bill Clinton for a long time. But it's made real once you get arrested. You think Slick Willie will ever go down? Maybe not for pedophilia, but you think something will ever catch up with him? No. I feel like in the end, when he's super old, it's going to happen. I don't think...

I mean, he is super old right now. You could argue he's the dead person at this moment. Yeah, how old is he? Is he in his 80s? I think 70s. But do you remember... What was the election? Four years ago?

Remember when he was on stage during the campaign speeches? Catching flies with that mouth open. It was just like you remember, what was the election? Four years ago? Remember when he was on stage, like during the campaign speeches? Catching flies with that mouth open. It was just like, dude, what is that over there? It looked like a Weekend at Bernie's type deal, but even worse. Yeah, like they didn't even find a... Like his body had been dead for six years. Yeah, it'd be like a Weekend at Bernie's, but they didn't put the glasses on and shit.

Yeah. That's a dead body. 73. He's a rough 73. I think when he's 80, 85, if he makes it that far, something's going to come out. I think he just dies before that. I think he's like, I'd rather be out. Well, no, I'm not going to.

Whatever. He did all that bad shit. But yeah, ABC would have had that big news. Also, some big news here. People talking about potential replacements for Mike Francesa. You on the list? It's one of these big lead lists, which are always, you know. This is basically a blog.

This is some guy, Ryan. Yeah, but like Brian Vascoville or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, he's like, I mean, he's a legitimate media reporter. Okay. So he said six outside talents WFIN should consider for afternoon drive. In no particular order, he said Ryan Rococo and CeCe Sabathia. Ryan Roco is a Fordham dude, Yankees play-by-play guy, very, very talented.

And CeCe Sabathia, I guess, does a podcast with him every now and then. So they got some good chemistry. Sarah Kustok, she does Nets broadcast. Brandon Tierney. Nick Kostos. That's another Fordham guy. And then your boy. KFC from Barstool lives and breathes New York sports.

From the outside, it would be astonishing if he left Barstool, where he's an OG member, and Barstool traditionally is not keen on sharing talent. Nonetheless, if there was a way to make a split work, he is a really strong radio host alongside Casey Smith and Jarek Rabas on Barstool's SiriusXM lineup. He would be a bold and I think successful choice to go up against the Michael K show in the long run.

I would love to go up against the Michael K show. We would fucking drown that dude. What is the... I'll drown that guy like a fucking litter of kittens you don't want. I hope WFAAN was listening. I was going to say, what an FAN bitch. Come and get him.

Great audition right there. I'll murder him like kittens. V, what's the number? For me to leave? Yeah. Oh, boy. That's got to be a big number, I think. What do afternoon drive people get paid?

I know what they used to get paid. I don't know if they do anymore. It's just like everything is getting cutted. I remember back in the day when Big O first left EEI, I remember being absolutely flabbergasted that he had a seven-figure salary. Yeah. Mike makes like $5 million. I mean, I know that's the – but I think Carton was making like $1 million,

$1.2 million, something like that. I think Carton was making like 1 million 1.2 million something like that I think starting at like half a million was it Carlin that at the end of the day got like left out

in the cold yeah I mean knowing him he probably signed a contract with a guarantee you would probably just leave and

you know if you got cancelled 6 months later you'd be like oh well I'll put you out of this I think Matt would have to you'd have to get

some kind of guarantee what this guy proposes is I should just do both. I don't know why I can't do both. They would never allow it. I have an idea why. But they should allow it. You know what I mean?

It would be like basically marketing for Barstool in a way. And I just go over there and do two hours, three hours instead of what? What if they just ask you to do CCK and then you go over there and you do radio for them and they pay you no extra but you get to be on wfan because that's probably that would be the proposal you would do that that'd probably be the proposal and barstool would get like whatever your salary would be my dream and money or something my dream would be to like retire to wfan to like land there but later that's why i wish this was all happening like 10 years from now then i would do it yeah i'm trying i mean you're worried you're too successful too young yeah i got it

i wish we were 10 years ahead of my career schedule it really it's a really sucks i'm assuming mike's just retiring too early i'm assuming that i would like lose my um like equity here so the number would have to be pretty big yeah because i would have to like assume the best but if you go go, I'll take it. So you should go. Get the fuck out of here. No, maybe that's what we'll do. I'll, like, transfer it to John.

We can figure out a thing, figure out a deal, and I'll go. I just feel it would be great to just, like, it's funny that I call it retirement. Because I'd be like, all right, this is so easy. I can do this in my sleep. Like, I'll just take these calls all day and yell about the Mets. I do that without a microphone. But it is weird. It feels so easy, but that's because it feels easy to you.

I could never host anything. I could never host anything. You could. You just don't. No, if you end the WFAN, KFC Radio is over. It's done. We'll have KFC Radio over anyway. But I probably just don't have a podcast anymore.

What am I going to do? I'm going to just sit here and be like, I don't know, guys. What's up? Is anyone going to read these fucking ads? I don't love it. Well, you actually are always the one coming. Like, right now, we're going to do some segment. I don't know what it's about.

You're always the one who's like, I got something for the show today. I never have anything. I'm always just like, I'll read the ad and then let John talk. I said, my job here is to bring the weird of you out. That's what I do. I don't do anything else. Look at us just sucking each other's dicks. Look at us.

Look at us. Look at us. Some fucking segment John wants to do is brought to you by Steve Madden. Steve Madden boots for the fall, for the winter, in the spring, and then for the summer, let's be honest. You can't be walking around like Chelsea boots in the summer the spring, you know, and then for the summer, let's be honest, you can't be walking around like Chelsea boots in the summer, but, you know, there are no rules. You can wear Steve Madden boots whenever you want all

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Really? They're like,? You know Michael Jackson wear black pants with black shoes and white socks? Yes. I gotta pair black shoes like that. Really? Like shiny leather? More like the chunky version. Like style. Okay. Where it's like just a black

almost boot but without a heel. Do you know which one it is? I think. They got an extraordinary. The Jotter boot, the Proven boot, the Harden boot, the Analyst boot, and the Hightail boot. I would guess it's the Analyst shoe. It's not a boot. It's a shoe. So I'm going to guess that's it, but don't hold me to it.

Yeah, I could see that wedge-style outsole, leather upper. That's probably the one you're talking about. I like the Jotter boot that has the zipper so you don't have to lace them up each and every time. And the Chelsea boots are kind of what's been on trend and in vogue for a couple of seasons now. So get yourself some Steve Madden's, any of the various array of boots at Dillard's. What do you got for me, Johnny?

I was walking, so obviously I think most people know, unfortunately, KC's dog is lost. Yes. If you're in the Hillsborough area of Texas. We got from Memphis. Yeah. So she's having a hard day yesterday so like at like lunch ish i was like yeah i heard you guys had a little liquid lunch we had i went i was like let's go take a walk and have a drink yeah and as we were walking we were walking back and we were walking by um msg and we're there's a hospital somewhere

around here because i always see nurses walking around and stuff like that. I don't know exactly where it is. But these two attractive female doctors. Doctors or nurses? Were they in the white coats or scrubs? They were in the white coats. Two attractive female doctors were walking by this stand

where this borderline homeless man was selling ties. Awful. Neck ties? Yeah was selling ties. Awful. Neck ties? Yeah, neck ties. Okay. Awful, awful ties. And he goes, what's up, ladies?

Get over here. Let me hit you up or whatever he said, you know? And I was like, the confidence of man is outrageous. Sir, you are selling neck ties. You are homeless. You are a derelict. You are hollering at doctors. You think you have a shot with that.

That is. I don't know if it's like if I appreciate that or think it's disgusting. It's somewhere in the middle. I mean, no, I don't think it's somewhere in the middle. I think it's both. Yes. It's horrific, and I wish I had it. Yeah.

I don't know if it's the mean, median, or mean. Nope. Whatever. But the. The mean, median, and average? Mean, median, and average. horrific and i wish i had it yeah it's i don't know if it's the mean median or mean nope whatever but the the mean median and average mean median average i don't know which one it is where like they would both if i if i'm i completely agree with the extreme of both you're right in the middle i end up in the middle of it but i am i am 100 on both sides being like that is you know you're a piece of shit and wow that guy jealous's awesome. He is just using his powers for evil. That's what it is.

I respect the powers. He's just using it completely inappropriately. But, like, what do you think is going to happen? You know what's crazy, though? I mean, it's not going to work, but, like, guys have been pulling girls out of their league with a little bit of confidence for a long time. Well, that's the thing, too, because Casey was saying how she has three homeless guys who live outside her apartment. Yeah. And she says every...

By the way, everybody does. Everybody in New York has three homeless guys who live outside their apartment. And she said, because as soon as I saw that, I started talking about it. I was like, this is insane. Yeah. Because it wasn't a cat call. It was a... Come over here.

It was like, hang on. Yeah, you're going to respond. Yeah. Talk to me. Yeah, of course you'll come over here, you women doctors, hang on, like, you're going to respond and talk to me. Yeah, like, of course you'll come over here, you women doctors who are, you women of medicine. I mean, maybe he just had a cyst he wanted

to get looked at, but it seemed like he wanted to fuck these female doctors. I'm pretty sure he wanted to fuck them. But Casey was like, yeah, like, almost every day they'll holler at me or whatever, and like, especially when she comes back from the gym in the summer, because Casey, don't know has never covered her stomach ever and uh if i had one i wouldn't yeah no i do have one if i didn't have yeah reverse um but the uh i was like what

like i mean at least this man is employed at some level who the guy selling neckties. Ah, we're being a little generous with the E-word. He's an entrepreneur. Yeah, he's an... Yeah, we're... He started his own business. We actually weren't being generous enough with E-words. He's his own boss.

He makes his own hours. I wake up when I want. I go to bed when I want. Right here, on this box. You gotta get those ties somewhere, right? Yeah. I mean...

Except they're hustling. They fall off a truck, for sure. How many people are buying those? I mean, zero. They're off the list. Like, that's the thing. Like, I'll buy, you know, I bought bought a pair of sunglasses i'll buy a phone case you'll buy a a little tchotchke or a little uh tourist thing to be like this looks like fine italian silk like

what you're buying your fucking dress ties from the homeless i mean i guess if you are like basically that's a newly non-homeless person by that time. Yeah. Like, I got a job interview. Right. I need this time. Yeah, I mean, sadly, there's a market. Fall apart as soon as it ends.

And he knows a guy where to go get the guys. He's like my old neighbor. When Casey was talking about it, and she was like, you know, they're always hollering. And I was like, especially, like, a homeless person. Like, do you think there was one homeless guy and just like tail almost like john henry tail of him has carried on for years like everyone's like always holler at the girls remember ricky in 86 he pulled that chick in union square she was a kappa kappa gamma she got a roof over her head she got a bi-weekly paycheck she'll pay for lunch and she she did it he took ricky out the

gutter like like there's like throwing it like through like tin can phones like you're good guys don't forget ricky in the morning numbers game do you think about it if you're on the street in manhattan and you holler at every girl i bet you one hits a day but i mean like isn't it crazy that these people are i've always thought this about like even at the bar forget about the homeless just other regular people like my peers i'm in a bar with someone i guess this is when i'm younger when we are that like bars where there's like dancing and shit like that like the amount of guys who would just like i'm gonna go up to that girl and grind on her it's like i don't actually i don't even know if that happens anymore that's probably not

allowed i don't think that happens anymore but like i don't know if it's not allowed i just don't think it's it's invoked nah it happens it's god it still happens right i think you're probably getting a little more in trouble if you do it the wrong way but like the amount of guys i would watch they would just go to some chick like start dancing behind her and then like you know their friends would pull her away and they'd just be like all right like now it's on to the next one yeah like a a massive amount of rejection right in your face you know and and they're just like cool with it on to the next one and they're shooting for the stars like way above girls that that would be down but i'm sure every now and then there's a girl

who's like yeah i'm gonna fucking just back it up on this guy for whatever reason you know like i'm mad at my boyfriend so whatever guy i see next i'm gonna grind up on or i'm just out with the girls and i want a good laugh whatever it is you never know things you never know and i'm not condoning it because like most of the time you do know you're probably gonna go poorly but you know the the level of confidence like in all things in life that guy probably walks around like he's the fucking cock of the walk it's it's you're homeless dude i and yeah he needs a little less confidence like just take the job at mcdonald's like really disgusting girls who wear like really revealing clothes i'm like do you not see this like they just no i, no, I'm hot. Do you not own a mirror?

Do you not know, like, standards of America? Like, what's considered, like, actually hot? I appreciate my body. Yeah, nobody else does. Why, though? I don't appreciate my body. Are you fat shaming me? It's like, yeah, you're shameful.

Look at you. Your body's shameful. You should be ashamed. Yeah, but, like, there's, honestly, honestly girls sometimes you just get duped too easily. You know, like that should be a 0% success rate. That is a definitive 0%. Even if it's like 0.1%. If anybody has ever even like smiled back.

Oh, let me know this guy one second. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just like. But also I would welcome it. You would what? I would welcome it. What do you mean? I would welcome getting like You would what? I would welcome it. What do you mean? I would welcome getting harassed like that.

Well, yeah. So I guess in that sense it kind of makes sense. If you're just looking for a little pick-me-up. I think it's just if men traditionally do not receive compliments. Oh, yeah. You don't get it. If the shantytown girl is hollering at you, you're like, oh. Yeah.

That's great. Definitely. Probably. Without a doubt. Wow. I mean, we are. I mean, we are... It's just a fact. Everybody compliment John and Kevin more.

I make it a point to compliment the guys in his office. I'll say, oh, you're looking trim. You're looking big. I like that shirt. I like those pants. Because guess what? Guys don't get compliments, but you come around John Feilerberg at Barstool HQ, I'll hit you with something. What did I say to you this morning, Kevin? I said you like my shoes. That's right, I did. I hit him with it right away. I was like,

damn, what are those? I love those shoes, buddy. Your hair looks great, John. Thank you! Men helping men! You know what? Anybody who's like, what's that that John's wearing when he wears this fucking dope scotch and soda windbreaker thing? You don't know what you're fucking talking about. And also, unrelated, but anybody telling me

not to eat peanut butter right out of the jar, you too well that's crazy crazy are they saying that oh yeah i thought that's a very popular thing it is but there was there was several people i saw somebody say like why are you scooping it with a spoon do you then transfer it to a knife and i get it's like okay you thought i was making a sandwich but no i'm just eating there was a handful of people who who came at me about that and it's an important lesson that i want to speak on here because these guys came at me being like what are you doing like what is that about and you know i put up a poll and it was like 85 of people are like yeah i eat peanut butter out of the fucking jar so it's just important to remember that almost exclusively almost like 100 of the time people coming at you on the internet are weirdos assholes are wrong are misinformed and it's good to just remember that the same guy was like coming out you were like

oh no no i wasn't no i wasn't that's the thing it was like i know you are dead wrong and so next time you're having like an argument someone's mad about your politics or your sports or whatever just know they're probably a closet fucking weirdo that's what they're talking about they don't know their fashion they don't know what people are eating they're the worst can i tell you a little trick? Sure. Once you spoon that peanut butter, you dip that into a bag of popcorn, you have a little like...

Oh, that's like some sticky bandage. Yeah. It's quite good. Maybe even, I don't know if you have a bag of bananas. I was going to say a bag of chocolate chips laying around. Yeah, mix that all up. Ooh, I like that. Excuse me.

Why don't they just make chocolate chips in the jar? In the peanut butter jar? Mm-hmm. Whoa. Like Reese's should make that. Delete that. Yeah, we're going to need that. Delete that.

Don't tell Jeff about that. Big peanut butter would steal that in a heartbeat. Big peanut butter has probably got that in the works, right? I'm surprised these days with all the different- We could just call it Nutella, but better. Old Tella. Nailed it. John's got a thought.

John had a thought that he wants to think about. So it's going to lead to good conversation. I said it would be a good question. Good question. I don't say anything when it's a good conversation. It's brought to you by Let Go. Let Go is going to make you think about letting go of some of your unwanted or unnecessary stuff. And it's going to provoke some thoughts of you clearing out some space in your apartment, where you live, in your home, in your garage, in your attic.

Because I've learned that over the years, you just accumulate. It's like, yes, when I do something silly like buy a million pairs of sneakers, I know i'm gonna run out of space but other stuff is just like where did this come from why do i have this many everything you own is unnecessary this many toys yeah really what it comes down to it's like you need a pair of jeans a couple shirts it makes you happy for a little bit so in that sense it's necessary right everything is superfluous uh i mean it can come down to gadgets and gizmos and technology or clothes or toys you have kids that outgrow their clothes

or toys and you just have all this clutter and you want to move it that's where let go comes in it teaches you to let go of all the stuff you don't need you can buy and sell your sneakers or outfits like I said the old clothing the treadmills and stuff like that.

I got a treadmill I can sell right now. Let me get rid of this thing. Have you ever used that again? No. Once I moved, I never unfolded it again. I used it in the old house. That was it. But yeah, you know how many people probably bought workout stuff and it just sits there collecting dust?

Let it go. Get some extra space. Get some extra money. Live and let go. Download the app. You can buy and sell items on there. You can browse the inventory. If you're moving, it's great.

If you're moving in and you want to find some cheap stuff locally, if you're moving out and you want to just get rid of stuff, live and let go. Download the LetGo app today and make that extra cash and find that extra space. Speaking of things to go get. Oh, boy. We've been restocked.

Restocked. Well, I'll be honest. By the time they hear this, it's probably gone. Oh, true. But you know what? Maybe not. Maybe not. Oh, boy. We've been restocked. Restocked. Well, I'll be honest. By the time they hear this, it's probably gone. Oh, true. But you know what? Maybe not. Maybe not. Go to Amazon.

We sent them like another 800 or something like that. And before I could even tweet it, they sold another 350 of them. So I'd imagine by the time I tweeted it, the other 450 went. It's crazy. They're going. Somebody asked me the other day, did we understock? And I was like, no, no, I think we're good. And now good now i'm like i think we did even though we times 10 did yeah crazy that's awesome okay well never mind go but but forget about it too so amazon might be sold out uh but we will be

restocked by like the 15th like middle of the month and walmart should have all their like ducks in a row as far as um shipping and production and like warehouses and all that shit so they have like a few thousand i think that are ready to like start on sale so i think they ship by like the 14th of november okay so basically by the time we're starting to restock walmart will be ready to go and then when they're sold out you can come back to us and then they'll always be one of the three outlets, I think, will have it. Keep selling this shit! And people are starting to get them now.

And so I issued the Dan Soder Challenge. If you think that you have an answer that rivals Dan Soder's, we asked Dan Soder, if you could fuck one person and after you fuck them, they die, who would you fuck? And right there on the spot, he comes up with Casey Anthony, calls himself Dick Justice, and dropped the card and said this one's for kaylee and like i mean that's such a good answer on so many levels because it is dick justice but she's also sexy man yeah let's go spade to spade yeah you're gonna fuck a murderer make her hot you know she's the best so uh if you think you got an answer on that level that's like retire the question worthy film yourself tweet it at us if you got pictures and and funny reactions send them along

and we'll make sure you get up on social so get involved in the answer the internet revolution uh and get yours at amazon right now talk to me what am i gonna think about oh yeah um so this morning my alarm went off. And you know like that stage where you're not awake but you're not asleep kind of deal. And I started thinking about medieval torture. Sure. Totally normal. And I was – I mean I wasn't thinking about it.

It was just I was envisioning it. And the torture that my mind created at that time was you have to lay your torso. Okay, I'm going to try and do it to show you. Go to barstoolgold.com slash KFC. You can watch this. You have to lay with your torso basically just over a stump of sorts. Okay. Like your stomach like this.

And then they have your arms are outstretched so that's like holding you up and then some dude with a big sledgehammer that's your dick? just drills you in the stomach like a huge huge sledgehammer as hard as he can like you're dead for sure

but where do you think all your insides go with that? it's gotta go up out your ass and out your mouth. That's what you think? Yeah. Yeah, I was just wondering. Because it's not going to – I was just wondering.

That's the segment. I mean, you said it was going to get me thinking. It got me thinking. I don't think even with like the most force and the biggest um hammer or whatever we're talking here like i don't think your skin's gonna rip i think it's got to go to a hole your asshole your mouth yeah well i was thinking about those things today since i've been awake now i've been thinking about you know like those slow-mo videos on youtube that like the supreme pressers yeah and they kind of just go everywhere. Right, but if it had

something around it, let's say if you were to crush some Play-Doh that was like this, right? But on the sides, there was something holding it in and there was two holes at the top. It would go out those holes. And that's kind of what your skin is. And then there's your asshole in your mouth.

Yeah, but I think your skin would rip with that force. I guess it depends on, you know. i feel like that force would like poke like a hole in the skin and then that hole would just get ripped open so that you would just explode i think so i mean i guess if we're talking about like you know like the mountain is hitting you with like a you know not even a real hammer like some sort of yeah i pictured it like this like a tree stump it's the size of the tree stump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That might just flatten you all together and just mush you all different ways. But I feel like it takes a lot to rip your skin. Stuff's coming out your asshole. I know that. Yeah. Yeah. You definitely got your pants.

That fucking thing's coming down on you. Poop's coming out. Poop. Yeah. Poop. Yeah. It's like a pregnancy, only worse. It's like the amount of people who don't understand that you're gonna

poop and your asshole's gonna rip crazy i can't believe they willingly get pregnant that's do you want to talk about torture that's torture now that made me think of if you were sentenced to death but you got to choose anything yeah not medieval i mean i guess you could choose medieval if you're a real sick fuck but you got to choose what would you choose hoping you'd still live afterwards where like they can't kill you again like you survived your death penalty so you're alive like lethal injections like not that's cheating right why'd you die but we're talking about hopefully i survive right yeah so like if you survive that you'd be fine afterwards if you survive the electric chair like you're fucked up are you i would imagine you're very electrocuted yeah but, if you survived that, you'd be fine afterwards. If you survived the electric chair, like, you're fucked up. Are you?

I would imagine you're very electrocuted. Yeah, but, like, if you survive electrocution, what's the long-term damage of electrocution? That's a good question. I don't know. It can't be great. Pretty sure brain damage. Yeah. I would imagine, like, your brain's fucked.

Imagine your skin's melted up. Well, I imagine if you get injected with poison and you make it out alive, you're still... Yeah, you're walking out like Bane like not Tom Hardy's Bane the fucking Batman and Robin Bane yeah green veins popping out all over him yeah well those are kind of the only two

like options right well it could be any it could be a death sentence from any time yeah I was thinking like a firing squad. Yeah. Because you could hit me in the gut. And then, but well, like a firing squad. Not a firing squad.

One shot. One shot. Because a firing squad, everybody shoots you. I thought a firing squad. I didn't know if a firing squad was everybody shoots a bullet or everybody pulls a trigger and there's only one bullet. So you don't know who did it. No, everyone shoots a bullet on a firing squad.

Yeah? Oh, yeah. Because then in that case, you're going to get riddled with bullets. Yeah. And you don't die, but you're fucked up. Yeah, you don't survive that one. Yeah. Firing squads, they take care of you.

But one guy, if one guy's just like... What if, like, somebody tried to chop your head off and just, like, didn't go all the way through? If we're talking about surviving and not being fucked up, I feel like the Headless Horseman, not the way to go. Like, chops you and it goes, like, three quarters of the way through. There's some ghost... Show me up, Doc.

There's some ghost movie where the ghost... The bent neck lady. No, but I'm thinking like someone else where like their head keeps... It's an actual ghost. It's like a comedy. It's Harry Potter. Nearly headless Nick. Yeah, that's it.

I knew there was something. And he's like a goofy guy. But he's a ghost. Yeah, well, that means he's dead. I mean, I think the lesson here is that like all of these methods, they kill you. They're pretty good. They're successful.

I think, Oh, you know what? Now walking the plank would suck. Um, what if you're getting hung? What if you, if you did survive,

you're just like under the boat and they all think you like sank to the bottom or something. How long can you, I mean, they stay out at the water for hours, years, almost an hour. But what about if you're getting hung?

Cause that's supposed to break your neck. You drop, it just doesn't break your neck. And then you strangle. Right. But I guess like, what about if you're getting hung because that's supposed to break your neck? You drop. It just doesn't break your neck. And then you strangle. Right. But I guess like imagine. I guess if you were hung. If there was like a time limit on the hanging, it's like, well, it's been three minutes and he's still alive.

Yo, have you been choked recently? Not in a good way. I was going to say, no. Dude, like when YP choked me out, we were wrestling. We haven't wrestled in a while, actually. I was going to say it was good. I was going to say it was good. No, no, we were wrestling. We haven't wrestled in a while, actually. You can say it was good. You can say it was good.

No, no, no, no, no. It was awful. And, like, I had to tap out. And then, like, my head hurt for, like, a week. I mean, I. But even then, like, that wasn't even the point of that, actually. The point was, it was, like, three seconds. Right. Of what a rope would be good.

Your neck was like. And I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Yeah, yeah. So, like, I don't know how long. Even if there's a time limit, it's got to be four seconds. That's why when someone gets you in the rear naked choke, the game's over. Because your body is like, well, we're going to die very soon. I was thinking about that, not even just choking.

I guess I was the polar opposite of engaging in a fight. I think I just ran out of breath during an ad read. I just paced it wrong, and I was, like, out of gas at the end, but I just wanted to, like, get through it. So I was like, like, getquip.com slash KFC, you know? And I was like, like, I went, like, blurry for a second. Oh, you see stars for a while. And it's like your body even, you know,

if you lose oxygen for just, like, a second, your body's like, whoa, shut it down, we're fucked, you know? It's crazy how much we need oxygen we're like little bitches you know we're really take away oxygen we ain't shit yeah aliens when they come here and they realize that we're we're our self we're done pretty quick um the uh the uh um when you're talking about getting choked out and shit, I was thinking about the other day, like Keegan threw his head back and just smashed my nose like really hard.

And I was like, you know, tears, not crying, but just like water up because, you know, you can't see. And I got that like that feeling. Is it such a- You yell? Huh? You yell?

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So I was going to say that's another reason like I don't think I'm ever going to be able to be a parent. I'd be like, you fucking piece of shit! God damn it, motherfucker! There may have been some of that going on. I may be very, because science shows it does alleviate pain or strengthen you.

So yelling and stuff like that, that's primal stuff? I definitely was like, get off of me and but you know i was like oh my god like my nose is like broken shattered it was like totally fine you know and my point being that like you if you're like the ufc and you catch one on the fucking nose to the point that you know you got the black eyes and broken nose and like those guys just like fight through that like My son knocked his head into me and I was like, what do I do now? But there is, I'm never going to remotely compare the two,

but there is the sense of surprise versus the adrenaline. I'm ready for it. I'm in a fight right now. Yeah, I was just hanging out. I was like, someone's going to die here, either me or him.

By the way, while I was speaking to my kids, I said this on the rundown. I got like, someone's going to die here, either me or him. By the way, while I'm speaking to my kids, I said this on the rundown. I got to – probably I shouldn't, but it's just too fucking funny. Everyone always asks me about kids on the iPad and when do you let them watch and all that shit. And I'm actually very pro-YouTube for a lot of things. When she gets on to the stuff that looks like ISIS is making it, that scares me a little bit. When we're doing foreign languages, that kind of scares me. I always

gotta get her back. She goes down the YouTube rabbit hole. I'm like, alright, let's get you back on course over here. But for the most part, I think she's a lot smarter and knows colors and words and all that sorts of shit because of the internet. But, when Shay plays pretend in her room

by herself, when she's like done with whatever little imaginary scenario, she says, please subscribe to my page. No way. My little brother does that. He's nine. He says thanks for watching after he's done playing video games. Is he secretly recording himself?

No. There's no camera. Isn't that crazy though? Please subscribe to my page. I'm like, oh boy, you're probably watching too much. Yikes. But then I'm like, well maybe you should not watch it enough. Maybe we got a YouTube star in the

making. Let's go get that red link, honey. That's where my mind was. She's ready to go. You know when Leroy Woods, was that his name? Tiger's father? Earl Woods? He was like, Earl put his fucking golf club in his hand when he was, like, 18 months old. You know, it's like, I just, I put her on YouTube. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense.

Maybe she's a, yeah, it's like, she's in her blood. Those kids make like a million dollars just opening toys. Right. Millions of dollars. Done. That's what I got. I got to get her on that unboxing train. Yeah.

Please subscribe to my page. I'm like, dude, I don't even say that. Your uncle's been trying to get me to say these things for fucking years, and you do it right away. You're a natural. Hey, go like KFC Radio. Subscribe and give us five stars. Five stars.

Review it. Too late. Give us a comment. Give us a comment that we're good. It's too late. We're like the Earth. It's too late. We're like the Earth. It's too late. Yeah.

Like the environment, the cats, the horses out of the barn on this one. It's too late. For the podcast, it's too late. For Answer the Internet, yes. Go. Why is it too late? Now I'm depressed. It's one of those things where I just thought it would be okay.

We'll just do it later. It's literally like the Earth. It's like, wait, oh, no, we're dead? Fuck. Why is it too late? Because it's been nine years years and whatever uptick we see now won't affect let's check let's check go try yes let's do it yes let's do it if everybody did the unsubscribe and resubscribe it wouldn't do anything no you're right let's do it let's do it guys five stars leave a review make my brother happy uh before we get to voicemails i have a recommendation

for everybody oh boy jack ryan season two was awesome but that's that's not the recommendation um the recommendation is gary goldman's new stand-up special on hbo have you watched it maybe a lot about it though it's i've watched it like six times here no i don't know i feel like we might are we that'd be that'd be great it's called the great depression oh and it's like it's really it starts off it's it starts off very dark it's him just on a stand-up stage i don't know 15 years ago and it's like he's despondent he's just like i have a mental illness it's excruciating and it's just like sad and then it goes into like the great depression intro and then it's him he took four years off of comedy i don't know if you remember gary goldman he used to be i believe he used to

be on tour with like dane cook like he was oh wow okay like yeah i think he was on the um what do you call it tvs i remember there was just a big jack guy with them and i'm pretty gary goldman's a big jack guy so i'm pretty sure it was him but it's a fucking really interesting story and really funny and kind of heartbreaking at times. And it's one of those new stand-ups. I love that there's like a new version of stand-up, I guess, kind of where it's not just stand-up. There are also like clips

like pre-recorded clips where he goes home to his mom and they hear her version of things. And it's very funny with that. They talk to his therapist. They talk to his wife. It's cool. That's a great idea. It's like a documentary. Yeah, I think Jenny Slate's new one on Netflix is like that too. I haven't seen it. I've just seen the trailer.

But Great Depression is fucking awesome. I think, is he the guy that has a running thread on Twitter where he just gives tips on stand-up? I think he's done like 250 tips where he just tweets and it's all on the same thread. And it's just like, write jokes like this. Think about stuff like that. So, I don't know.

It was funny to see in one of the scenes when he's in his apartment in New York, he is writing in his notebook, and I was like, that looks just like mine. It's just chaos. It's just all over the place. It's absolutely nonsense. Oh, yeah, you're both depressed lunatics.

He has one bit where he's just talking about how he went to a mental institution, and he was- Oh, boy, he's crazy crazy. Yeah, he was three weeks he was just talking about how he went to a mental institution and he was – Oh, boy. He's crazy crazy. Yeah. He was three weeks. He was there. And afterwards he went home because he couldn't – his New York lease was up and he just couldn't really deal with that.

And he went to BC and he's like, while I was home, I got an invitation to my 25-year anniversary and a request for $1,000. And I was like, did you guys not realize you sent this letter to the same house you sent my acceptance letter to yeah do you think i have a thousand dollars just laying around it's like i haven't i haven't progressed at all so if you think i want to go see my old friends like hey gary how you been well i'm allowed around belts again i can tie my shoes yeah things have been pretty good bob jacks i cut my own steak up it's it's fucking really really really funny my uh my recommendation is i don't think i talked about it on here the the the morning show on apple tv with steve carell

john rannison yeah yeah you gave me that i still haven't watched maybe i'll do it tonight actually so there's the first three episodes are out they they release three and then it's weekly so you get a little bit of binge and then every friday night a new episode comes out so steve carell plays basically matt lauer jennifer aniston is his partner reese witherspoon is like this uh off the beaten like down in like the south she does these like uh remotes you know like we're live on the scene at this like protest but she's like a true newswoman like she really cares and so it opens up the first like the very beginning is is steve carell basically getting canceled for uh sexual misconduct and it was funny so he's obviously matt lauer right and but i didn't know all this happened after matt lauer i feel like that was pretty recent yeah that's why

i'm like i don't know if it was they did it quick or if that was already in the works like because again like some people like even kind of looks like Matt Lauer in the trailers. Yeah, they dress him up in a way that he looks like he could be one of those morning show guys. But for the first three episodes, it's kind of funny. I don't want to spoil things, but I'm going to at least for one scene. He's like, I had an affair. It was consensual. I didn't hurt anybody.

His whole thing is kind of like, I'm not like the other me too guys and like the media and the fans are going so crazy and so i'm sitting there and i'm watching and then there's you know there's some parallels and i'm kind of thinking like yeah you know like sometimes it's like is it great no but is it the same as like this no it's not so i'm finding myself like sympathizing with him as a character at points and then there's a scene and then there's a scene where uh one of the producers goes in his in his uh stage room office thing and uh she pushes the button on the bottom of the door oh so the door closes yeah and i was like fuck i was like i was like the tyra banks gift i was like i was rooting for you we all you know we all weren't i was like come on like pat like show

the people what it can be and i was like no piece of predator fuck like god i was i was truly rooting for the bad guy there on that one so yeah fuck that let's get into uh voicemail all right let's get into these voicemails it's brought brought to you by SeatGeek. We are going to go to Nate Bargatze. We'll see him live. If you like other stand-up comics, you want to go see them live. You want to go see your favorite band, your favorite play, anything that's live. Live entertainment.

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uh, uh, the most affordable seats in live entertainment today. Download the C key gap, enter promo code KFC at checkout. You get $10 off your first purchase. That's the SeatGeek app, promo code KFC for $10 off. Hey, KFC, Mike, Super Producer BC. This is Walker, aka the guy whose girlfriend's mom read the I Wanna Fuck You text. Anyway, a few buddies of mine and I were talking the other day about what would be the worst

job that your girlfriend could have. I know way back when you guys did the, what would be the best job for your girlfriend to have and Big Cat gave the taxi driver answer, still cracks me up. But we were just wondering what would be in the opposite end of that spectrum and the answer we ultimately came up with was like taxidermist, I think. Anyway, I was just wondering if I could get your guys' input on it, and what you had to say. I think prostitute.

I think whore would be the worst one. A whore. I was going to say delivery woman. Okay. Why is that? It's just like the status thing. Yeah, but what if she was hot? Have you ever seen a delivery woman? Oh, I've seen about as many female taxi drivers as I have delivery women.

I've seen, I've never had a delivery woman. And I think that would be, I think everyone would be like, she's a delivery woman? The rise of like DoorDash. She brings food to people? Yeah, that's the thing. The status of it is a little bit like that. I don't, she's a delivery woman? The rise of like DoorDash. She brings food to people's homes? Yeah, that's the thing. The status of it is a little bit like that. It's not even the status thing. I think it's just like, she's a delivery woman?

She just picks up McDonald's and brings people to apartments? I think it's a little more prevalent. Very, very few still. But because of the apps that are now just like, hey, you need to make some extra cash. To be like, I work for this pizza place. I'm the delivery man for this pizza place. If you're a woman, that's insane. I think it's different.

I think I disagree. I think, yeah. I think he's like, yeah, I work at the local pizza hut. No, no, no. I think it's crazy to be like. Also, it's just a really dangerous job. So I wouldn't want my girlfriend doing it. I think it's a male-dominated industry because.

Your life's at risk. Yeah. If you're a female, if you open the door and you're a creep think it's a male-dominated industry because... Your life's at risk. Yeah. If you're a female, if you open the door and you're a creep and there's a woman there, you literally just got... Delivery of woman's care.

Yeah. You got your vice delivered to you. I mean, I just also... I don't know if I call murder a vice, but if that's what you do, and it's just like, oh, here's a young pretty girl at my doorstep. Well, that's why it's crazy that girls order you do, and it's just like, oh, here's a young pretty girl at my doorstep.

Well, that's why it's crazy that girls order delivery too, though. Because you invite a creep into your house. I've never really thought about that until fairly recently. I'm like, that must be so concerning. I would be like,

just leave it on the doorstep. It's all signed for. It's all paid for. You don't need to open the door. That's true. And I'll come get it afterwards. Otherwise, you're just going to push your way in.

You don't have to be rude to the That's true. And I'll come get it afterwards. Yeah. Otherwise, you're just going to push your way in. Yeah. You don't have to be like rude to the person themselves. Again, there's no sense of being rude. Not again. It's my first time saying it, but it's not being rude to like think about saving your own life. But the if you put like in the notes, like just hanging on my doorknob, don't come. Right. Don't just hang on my doorknob and not like I'm not going to be there.

You know, I'm coming home from work. There will be no body here to murder no murder will go on here um i would still think whore though whore uh uh like um what about spy well they're all spies they are all spies it's crazy they like their kink is just like snooping and thinking and espionage. It's crazy. I was watching in Jack Ryan. There's an awesome spy, and I was like, ah, I love her. Ah, shit, she's a spy.

I think like right now, like political feminist pundit would be very, very bad. Like if your girl worked for like the Daily Beast, is it? Or one of those fucking places where it's just like, all they do is yelling into the abyss. Yeah, it's just like, uh... Because you know those people can't turn it off. It's not like those people go home. Although, I don't know. I bet you Tommy Lahren, you know, she's a spy.

Well, I mean, I guess like I might be on the opposite end. It might be a great government. Like, in public or whatever, you might not get to eat be a great government. It might be like in public or whatever. You might not get to eat at some restaurants because people will just throw food at you or whatever. But like when I get home, I just shut up because I've talked all day. I don't want to talk. Yeah, but girls don't do that.

I don't know. Maybe they do. Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, you know, if we're coming up with a scenario here, if it's a girl who like is doing this because she's passing it, passionate about it. And I always think it's funny. I don't, I don't know if these things are real because like, I think it was in house of cards.

There was a scene where there was that one woman, she was fucking the black guy who was like on spacey staff. And they were like on opposite sides of the aisles and they just get together and they would fuck and they like liked each other. And I think like loved each other, but they were like, I am a black guy. This is my Herschel. Was it? Yeah. So I thought it was the other guy. and they would fuck and they liked each other and I think loved each other. But they were diametrically opposed. The black guy was Mahershala Ali.

Was it? Yeah. So I thought it was the other guy. I believe we were thinking about the same character. Mahershala Ali was definitely like Spacey's right-hand man. Yeah.

Are those real? Does that happen? I think there's like people who are diametrically opposed politically right now but they fuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Even that ratchets it up. For sure. You think politically right now, but they fuck? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Even that ratchets it up? For sure. Even in relationships, do they fuck? I would guess both. I just can't imagine your girl being like... I mean, every time you basically speak your mind or talk about your viewpoints, and your girl's just like, well, actually, the tax rate...

I mean, it's like dating people from different teams, right? But that's what... I guess politics has been so... Politics has become so prevalent where it's just like everything she talks about that's why in my mind i'm picturing a girl who's like this is not just her job because it would be cool if you come home and you're just like what'd you do it's like well i tricked a bunch of people on the internet into thinking like this about sports and i tricked a bunch of people thinking about this politics like then you're i think everybody in dc like thinks of it as a game like i think the people that work in d.C. don't believe either side.

They're not conservative. They're not liberal. They're like, this is all a game. I will switch sides like that. It doesn't matter. We'll just jump back and forth. So they all know they're just playing sides. I feel like my lawyer for my divorce was kind of like opened my eyes to that where like, you know, to me, it's like life and death.

Like this divorce is the most important thing. And to him, it was just like, this is just my job. You know what I mean? It's like you're living me it's like life and death like this divorce is the most important thing and to him it was just like this is just my job you know what i mean it's like you're living and breathing it every second i'm just like another client of mine you know what i mean i recently why can't you match my enthusiasm about this right right why don't you act like you're getting divorced i'm not actually getting divorced dude i'm just here to i started following him on instagram he's got like an instagram presence and it's like cocky and swaggy he's putting up pictures of his like cufflinks and his fucking suits and shit it's like you're like I bought you that suit yeah he's probably like nah bro this is no you didn't like as much as you bought

maybe my my pocket square uh I'm gonna go go with a combination of the two. A raging liberal feminist whore. That would be the worst profession for your girl. There's a drop. I'm sticking with delivery woman. What's up, KFC

Fights BC? Girlfriend and I hit up a concert Saturday night Tyler Childers country artist nothing too crazy uh we had a group of two people sitting in front of us who were so fucked up all they did the entire concert was have like their own conversation between the two of them the entire time and I sat behind them staring into the back of their heads just daydreaming about like killing them just because they were pissing me off um I don't mind if you're like yelling clapping singing that's all fine you're at a concert you're there to have fun but I for some reason could not handle them just talking the whole time.

On the drive home, it just kind of sank in that I finally turned into that grumpy old fuck. Like I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't expecting it to be at 29. So I was just wondering if you guys had a certain moment or example when you came to grips that you weren't like the young person anymore. Yeah. Or the fact that you turned into a grumpy old fuck. You said this the other day where you're like, I don't have a lawn, but I would imagine I wouldn't want people like trampling on it.

And the thing is, I think that the realization I had. I don't know if I said that, but I agreed with it. Or maybe I said it. I'm pretty sure you said it. Maybe you heard from someone else, i but i heard you say it and it's like it's almost like a double realization where it's like oh i am that guy now but you know what that guy's been right all along that guy's getting he's a bad rap that's i mean that's how life works yeah when you get to an age and you're like they were right like the dead and guess what everyone's giving me okay boomer because i tweeted

like if you have a real job if you have real life consequences and responsibilities, you don't just randomly quit your job. Okay, boomer. It's like, that's, okay, fine. But that's just, like, life. That's just, like, real life and fake life. Responsibilities, not responsibilities. But you'll get to that age where you think, ah, they were right all along.

And that doesn't mean they were right all along. You could still be wrong, but it's right to you at that point. Understand them, yeah. You get where they were coming from. At that stage of your life, it's like, okay, that was right i um it's mine was just neighbors i just i had neighbors playing really loud music yeah it's just i mean every thursday night friday and i never say anything because i'm a coward but the i remember just being like well just turn the music turn tv up it's not it's not that hard to deal with i'm not going to knock on the door like you gotta

keep it down. But I am thinking, God, I wish that music wasn't playing right now. You know what the thing is? You've always been bothered by that. You just didn't know it because on Thursday nights you were probably having your own party. The first one for me

was when I was like, it's unacceptable to be in a crowded bar for me now. I remember complaining about the beach bars that we used to go to in the Jersey Shore and the Hamptons. When did they get so crowded? And my buddy was like, they've always been crowded. You just notice now. That's true. That's a very

good one. Snapchat was a big one. When I opened up Snapchat and they had no words. It was just icons. I was like, I don't know how to even make a new post. I don't know how to post it. Music was a tough one for me. Rap music has been probably the most prevalent one where I'm just like, I hate all this shit,

and they don't make them like they used to. It's like 100% how I feel. See, I'm actually a little different than you because I've been great at aging with music. I mean, at liking the music I always liked, but I think it's because all that music hasn't changed all that much like pop music is still pretty pop music stays the same that's why like country music is totally okay for rap music when i was younger to me rap music really has

changed yeah i guess that's like you know pop music has sounded the same synthesizers and like catchy hooks and shit but rap music music going from one type of beat to the trap beats and punchlines to mumble rap. It's like, this sounds totally fucking different now, guys. Country has the... When I first started liking country, it was like stadium country is what I liked. I remember the first band I liked, I think,

was Rascal Flatts or whatever. Zac Brown Band. But Zac Brown Band is like the new version of anthem country, or Kenny Chesney I liked. But then I also did like the older version of anthem country. Kenny Chesney I liked. But then I also did like the older kind of country, which is a little more of the Chris Stapletons and Todd Childress that we used to talk about. So the music I like has kind of always stayed the same.

I don't dislike rap. I've just never been a huge rap guy. I'm just like, oh, is this the rap song? Turn it up. I'll shake my ass a little bit. I don't really listen to the lyrics. I don't really know any of that. I wasn't like vibing to Illmatic. I wasn't really listen to lyrics. I don't really know any of that. Right. I wasn't, like, vibing to Illmatic.

I wasn't in my bedroom with headphones on. That's why, like, I take raps. Not so speaking truths right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's funny is I was, and I was like, you don't know what the fuck he's talking about, dude. You're, like, 13 years old in your bedroom. I'm pretty sure, like, scientifically they say at, like, 30 or 31 you stop liking new music. So we'll have a test case coming up.

Yeah, talk to me in a year. Yeah. liking new music so we'll have a test case coming yeah talk to me in a year yeah i think uh um for blogging like i remember saying into bolivian and people were correcting me and didn't know the mike tyson reference oh yeah yeah man that fight happened in like i don't know like 91 or some shit same thing home alone i say a2d and people don't get it i'm like because you're making a 30 year old movie reference dude you know like for for the most part for the longest time i was within the the ballpark you know it's like i'm older but we're speaking the same language and now i'm realizing that like young people are they don't get my references they don't get my style they

don't get my likes what's barstool's target demo they say 18 to 35 you're at yeah i'm at the end of it yeah yeah no it makes sense everybody that we're going after is younger but like 18 to 35 you know that means if you throw out like the major outliers it's like from 24 to 32 you're all kind of in the mix together but now i'm clearly on the outskirts it's like they don't know what i'm talking about you know like that when you realize you are too old for that shit like you can't my my repertoire has mike tyson references and home alone references and i ain't getting new ones so it's wrapping up your simmons in it it's getting later this is like teen wolf yeah right it's just like uh i'm trying to keep up with new fucking, you know. That's like in euphoria.

Like, no, man, I'm still talking about fucking, you know. Mine, another one was kind of like your crowded bar, but line. What's that? Lines. I just, if you think I'm standing in a line. Oh, they're like doing or anything. Blowing them. Yeah, no, no shot.

There's, I mean, no, no getting like and then they kind of go hand in hand like i used to wait online to get into the bar you know yeah went on a two-hour line to get into the boardie barn i was at a bar on saturday marty marty called me and he was like and we went and it was empty and it was fun and then it started to get not super crowded but just the level of crowd where someone like puts their hand the small of your back to get by or like puts your hand on the shoulder to get by. And I was like, you know, I'm out of here. And then when I got out, it was a jammed line like around the block. And I was like, first of all, guys, there's room in there.

Second of all, it's not that good. I don't know why you're online second of all you're once you get in there and you fulfill that room the the little room that there is not a ton but enough room to make you uncomfortable or make me uncomfortable i can't imagine how you're gonna have fun right just like what are you gonna do just talk to each other jammed ass to dick no that's that's the thing too is i don't even like talking but i don't like noise or other people so i want to go to a bar where we could talk if it was if yeah but either of us desired don't but neither of us want to yeah a famous line i once heard uh who said it well i mean i talk a little bit i guess i think it was actually fat face jj said uh i want to go to a bar where it's quiet enough that you guys will laugh at my jokes

you'll hear me and laugh at me like okay, okay, I can get down with that. I went to one of the Blackout tours when I was here in New York. Oh, boy. And as soon as I showed up, I saw the line, and I was like, this is terrible because there's absolutely no chance I'm going to consider waiting on this line. Right. I don't want to be a diva either. Somebody's going to have to come out here and get me.

Or I'm not going home. I'm fine with either one. Either someone come get me or i'm going home when i went to uh this was this was a moment too and this is the extreme i wasn't even like like embarrassed this one i went to i think electric daisy or some shit at city field and uh you know tried to dress up and like tech like bright colors um uh i that. What year was this? I don't even know. It was 15 or 16. Does that make sense?

13 to 14? I thought Electric Daisy was really new. So it was that long ago. That makes more sense. Yeah, no, it was a few years old. And so like me and Caitlin went, I think I wore like that, it was back when

the Kelly Kapowski shirt like first kind of came out. I had like a backwards neon hat on and we tried to both dress up and we get there and the bud light uh like tent or whatever was like wide open because ain't nobody drinking there you know what i mean and i was like i'm like the old man being like i'm at the fucking edm molly festival like give me a bud light it's actually kind of great for me because i just there was no line to wait on i just kept getting my my Bud Lights, but I was like, this is not the right place.

That's like when I was at the Taylor Swift show. I was just running up to Gillette thinking, all right, in between songs, got to run up there and grab a beer. And everyone's 12. Oh. It's like there's going to be a tumbleweed is going to roll through here. There's not a single person. There literally wasn't a single person.

There were so few people there that from three sections down, I heard John Henry, and it was my mom so i mean in summation we just gave like 40 examples of how old we are that was like 15 solid minutes reading reading at night yeah you like reading if i i've started reading a little bit at night not every night it's not like a common thing. Although I was reading Walt Whitman on the train the other day. Yeah, what a fuck it. What a fuck it. The, uh... Walt Whitman. If I saw that, I would light the book on fire. Song of myself. Terrible.

Unsweetened iced tea. Unsweetened iced tea. But reading's a nice one because you're like, I gotta wind down a little bit. Yeah, I'm gonna have a glass of wine and read a book. Oh, just kill yourself now. Yeah, I thought about to wind down a little bit. Yeah, I'm going to have a glass of wine and read a book. Oh, just kill yourself now. Yeah, I thought about it. Next up. I thought about it.

Okay, let's see. Fight Super Producer Before Christ. I have one of the most painful stories that I've ever heard from you guys, and I need to get your take on it. So my friend told me that she went on a date yesterday, and it went really well. They went out for dinner, and and went back to his place afterwards and they're hanging out on the deck by the pool

having a drink and he says I have to go to the bathroom. So he goes downstairs. He's waiting up there. 20 minutes later, she gets a text from him saying, you won't believe this. My girlfriend just came home and found my Tinder and she's about to flip out. He then follows up with

do you have Venmo or paypal so he tried to pay her off to like get out of there before his girlfriend saw it is this just like the worst way to handle this situation ever say it one more time can i get that one more time i didn't follow all the circumstances uh so this girl goes on a date right the guy brings her home they're up on the deck. And then he has to go to the bathroom. So he has to go back down to his apartment. And then she waits 20 minutes.

He still hasn't come back. She gets a text from him saying, my girlfriend found my Tinder. Like, we're busted. Got it. And he says, what's your Venmo? So he can apparently send her money to go away. I mean, shouldn't she want to go away too, though? She doesn't want to get caught up in all this.

Yeah, it is. Like, if I went on a date and someone was like, you know, like, my girlfriend, my boyfriend found it, I'd be like, I'm skipping out of here. Yeah, I'm going home. Peace out, I'll never see you again. This is not my controversy. Yeah, I don't want to be involved in that. You can handle the ensuing fist fight.

Right. I'm going to stand on the sidelines like a fucking tag team just hand over like, hey,

when you need me, tap me and I'll jump in. Like, this is our fucking first date. I met you on Tinder, bitch. I don't give a fuck

about you. Dude, I'd fucking run, I'd jump off the deck. That's to me. I'm out of here. And I know, I'm sure people

jumped out my throat for this, but like, like, to have a dating pro, if you're going on Tinder dates when you're dating somebody, just break up. You know what I mean? If circumstances arise and things just come about,

but to be like, I'm on this dating app, actively seeking out these dates while having this girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever, it just seems like this is not straight. Like, I just want to go hang out and have some strange. Yeah. Which is like, just be single, though. You know? I mean, I guess it's easier said than done.

I've always thought. I used to say that myself. Like, why cheat? Just break up first. Well, not always easy to just break up. But if it's just like a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is. It's easier. Right? I would imagine so. I just, to put yourself into like the stress of like, all right, well, I'm going to get on this app and use it even though I shouldn't be.

But yeah, as the third party involves, I would be like, don't panipal me, Venmo me, text me, contact me ever again. I'm out of here. I'm slipping out the back door and never talk to you again. Not my argument. You deal with it. I don't like getting in my own fights, let alone your fights. Pass. I'm going home.

I'm going to get a pizza on the way home, and I'm going to watch some Netflix when I get there. But I would probably say PayPal, and I would skip out and see what shows up. Yeah, that's a good point. But if this guy is convinced. I'd skip out and then the cab on the way home, I'd be like, here's my PayPal. Yeah, like if this guy's convinced that I'm

going to like sit down with my boyfriend and like have a discussion about it and he can buy me out for a thousand bucks, I'll take that thousand. Yeah, I mean like this guy was going to offer $17. Yeah, like you're fucking, you know, covering up the Epstein thing here. You're a billionaire. Like name your price.

I have like 46 bucks left. But if someone, I think it's a good rule of thumb. I got to buy lunch tomorrow, so I can copy 30. How about that? If someone says to me Venmo or PayPal, I'll probably give it to them. Yeah. And just see what happens. Right?

Cheating, whatever. Otherwise, some shady people say you're some money. I'll fucking dig. Last voicemail, and then we'll get into our interview with John Leguizamo. Yo, what up, BC, KFC, and Pipe? Just a quick question.

I have multiple opportunities at work with potential coworkers, and just wondering, how would you guys find out if one of your coworkers is single and or interested? Let me know. Diva.

How would you find out if one of your coworkers is single or interested? I mean, I think you could find out single relatively, like, easily. No? Yeah. I mean, single is a different scenario. But I feel like if, assuming that there's, like, you know, then there's going to be you're going to try to pursue it. You probably have some sort of contact, right? Like I'm thinking if you're worried about this in the first place that it's like this is like Susie who works two desks down from you.

So you probably have enough time for like small talk or something like that. Yeah, yeah, I was like lost. Like, I mean, I think the the office relationship is the easiest i feel like where you just you're just there and you just end up dating like this is how it just happens like are you saying like you hang around and then it just happens well i feel like a lot of them are born out of like you go to a happy hour you get drunk you go home and fuck and you're like well that was a drunk mistake but also we kind of liked it and then you just kind of keep going from there not even that i think it's just like i think i think in offices you end up being

boyfriend and girlfriend before you ever have sex yeah that's definitely true you're just like work yeah we're just like we're dating but we're not dating but then eventually you're like well i've seen them the most i talked i guess we're actually dating i i think that if you're like i like this person at work she's pretty i want to pursue it it's different though like because i do think if you go up to your co-worker like do you have a boyfriend i think that's the move that's how even if you're pursuing them you just just be there yeah that's what i'm saying someone will like i don't think the round them in you i don there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Eventually someone will drown them in you. I don't think the way to do it is to bring it up or ask or something like that. No.

I would just be at the same happy hour, be at the same group project, be around. Be in the lunchroom. That's how it worked with Jim and Pam. Yeah, just eventually if there's going to be something, it'll probably go organically. Jim drowned Pam and Jim. He couldn't get out. Poor Roy. Roy got the raws. Yeah, Roy drowned Pam and Jim. He couldn't get out. Yeah.

Poor Roy. Roy got the raws. Yeah, Roy was downstairs, unfortunate. Should have gotten a promo. Wasn't around. Should have gotten that promotion Darryl got a little later. And the next thing you know, you're watching the front desk. But you don't think there's a way to say, like, you know,

like to do a little reconnaissance here and figure it out? You think you just got to roll the dice because i'll be honest also if you're like you know you're gonna have a work relationship that's a little like taboo anyway it might not even matter if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend i think i think you mean she's got to have a friend in the office right well that's that's what this guy's saying like should you go up to the friend and be like hey does you know so i mean i have to have a boyfriend and then it's like well now your cards are kind of on the table that you're interested for a reason i had a buddy who used to uh at the bar like if you start chatting up a handful of girls like after it's going well he would always

go would you say your boyfriend's name was again and she's like oh i don't have one oh okay that's right you know that's so obvious i guess do it it in a way that he was doing it on purpose, but it was a funny way to openly do it on purpose. Oh, that's right. Oh, okay. I got you. But I think if you just keep your ears open for a while, if it's someone you truly work with,

if it's like three departments down, maybe not, but if someone was around here, I'd be like, I'll just keep my ears open. Eventually she'll be like, I can tell you. How was your weekend your weekend well i got home with my boyfriend and it's like okay you're the boyfriend excuse me sorry i got heartburn i feel like you also might be able to tell these things by the way just someone fucking dresses half the time yeah i mean i can tell you every single i every single i work with the barcelo sports i can tell you if

they're single or not right not even if i like you know make content with them but if they're on the content side i can tell tell you if they're dating somebody. Just because of just talk. Yeah. Right. But I feel like if you just study a little bit, you might be able to figure it out on your own. I think so. Put in a little effort. You know, girls are single.

They work at a certain way, flaunt at a certain way. Even the fact if it's like they're at the happy hour all the time. They're probably not at home with their boyfriend. Put the pieces. Context clues. All right. John Leguizamo is here new york legend movie legend he's got a new flick out with john cena and michael keegan keegan k michael k keegan was his name michael keegan k keek uh you know he was the pest he was luigi and super mario brothers he's done shakespeare he's done it all man so uh this interview is brought to you by CBDMD.

Now, I eat peanut butter straight from the jar all the time, and I caught some heat for that on the internet, so much so that it caused me anxiety and stress. So now you know what I'm going to do is have the CBDMD peanut butter, because not only do I get my peanut butter fix, but it's going to ease my stress and anxiety from the few idiots on Twitter trying to tell me that you're not supposed to eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. I eat it out of the jar way more than I eat it on bread. I've been having PB&Js recently, but yes, I typically agree with you. Isn't that great when you go on a PB&J kick? I love PB&Js.

I get some Martin's potato bread. I'm on it three nights in a row. Super soft. To me, and you do the jelly? Oh, yeah. Sometimes I just do the peanut butter. Oh, I do preserves, not jelly. Fuck off.

When I do. do preserves not jelly fuck off uh when i do raspberry when i like i kind of eat around the crust like first on purpose that middle bite which is completely pure fresh soft like white wonder bread potato bread and you barely even have to bite it and it goes right through the smooth peanut butter and the the preserves oh that bite is orgasmic, dude. I cum. I take a bite, I cum. But I mix in a little CBD with that. I like how you went sexual.

I went angelic. Yeah. Well, I'm sure that says a lot about us. It says I eat preserves. Go to CBDMD. They got foods. They've got bath bombs. They've got tinctures.

They've got capsules. They've got tinctures. They've got capsules. They've got lotions. Every which way your body can absorb CBD. They've got it. And so I recommend you do a bath bomb and you sit there and have some peanut butter. Yeah. Who doesn't eat peanut butter in the bath? Is that a different thing?

Are you going to tell me that too, Twitter? CBDMD.com. Promo code KFC. Get not 10, not 15, not 20, 25% off your order at CBDMD.com. Premium CBD oil products for 25% off when you use the promo code KFC. John Leguizamo, what do you got? How are we doing? I'm doing good. Why are you yelling at me? Why am I yelling? Because the way I talk, you better get used to it. You've got a half hour of it. How are you doing? You good over there?

Yep, because I am loud and obnoxious. That's the best way to be. The only way to be, brother. John Leguizamo is in the building. KFC Radio here. You're looking sharp, dude. I like the tie. I like the shades. You're looking real

sharp, man. Yeah, I was on Wendy Williams' side. I look sharp. Well, how you doing? I'm a big Wendy guy. I'm a big Wendy fan. So, you know, we're not like the kind of gotcha guys. We're not here to bring up bad memories, but we did dig up the

appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Do you remember the question that you had? Oh, I don't remember the question, but I remember I had it right, and then the audience gave me the wrong tip and confused me. The audience gave you a, oh. And then you called your buddy Johnny Dana? Yeah, yeah. The audio was a little fuzzy, so I couldn't really hear Johnny Dana.

That's an impossible question, by the way. No, but I had it right. You had it right. And then they talked me out of it and then ruined it, and my charity could have got some money, and we ended up getting nothing. What do we got? No, we got something.

You got $32,000. This is good. It was for $125,000. The question was, who was the first official U.S. poet Lorette? And you had it correct with Robert Frost. Oh, wow. But the answer you said was Robert Penn Warren. Oh, wait, no, no. I'm sorry. correct with Robert Frost. Oh, wow. But the answer you said was Robert Penn Warren. Oh, wait, no, no.

I'm sorry. You said Robert Frost. Yeah, I said Robert Frost. But I did the same thing because you did the classic, I don't know the answer to this, so I'm going to say C. And that's what Robert Penn Warren was. And the crowd was not feeling it. Dude.

Losers. Always go with your gut. Yeah, I know. I should have trusted myself. Because they would have got 125 for the – I think it was the Spanish – the Harlem Brownstone. It like brings computers to the kids who don't have computers to do their homework. Do you – is that something that like – when you're at a charity event or something like that, is that something that like – do you feel bad about that? Like really?

I did feel bad about it. I know, but – I couldn't even have had 120 – you know how many computers they would have got? But it's like it's so unfair to feel bad because that? Like, really? I did feel bad about it. I know, but... I couldn't even have had 120... Do you know how many computers they would have got? But it's like, it's so unfair to feel bad, because it's almost like... You're already still doing something good. Right.

It's already 32 grand more. And I get how it's human nature and all that, but I was thinking, as I was watching it, I was like, I bet John felt bad about this. I did feel bad. I still feel... You reminded me. Now I feel bad again.

I know, we said we shouldn't... I was feeling... Because I forgot, and now I didn't care, but now I care again. Yeah, now you've got another 15 years of feeling bad. I don't think I'd even make it to 125. That's, you know, I think you did pretty well, brother. I did all right.

Thank you. Thank you. That's not like one of those, you know, like walk in the park type of games. Like, it's pretty fucking tough. You know, you've got to know your shit, man. But on to bigger and better things. You've got a new movie out now, Playing with Fire. Yeah, yeah.

John Cena. Monster. Monster cast, yeah. Yeah, I mean, Keegan might be the funniest person I've ever worked with in my entire life. Really? And you've, I mean, you've worked with some people. Oh, yeah.

I worked with Jon Favreau, who's hilarious, Tina Fey, Amy Poe, who are hilarious, but he's the tops. Really? Just like the funniest dude on camera, off camera, on the ride home, on the ride to work at dinner with a few glasses of wine without the wine we had such a blast man does that get combative on Leia Cobb?

not combative obviously even in this office where we all try to be funny we're trying to be funnier than each other definitely you get into it in a good way because you want to do better. You want to be the best. Yeah.

You want to be the funniest. Because you are competitive. We wouldn't be here if we both weren't competitive. Right. So, yeah. And then sometimes you win and sometimes you don't. Sometimes I know I'm going to win when they edit it. So I look like I didn't care, but I knew I cared.

It's like I was compared to like football practice. You're on the same team, but I'm going to kick your ass tonight. Yeah, right, right. And it's okay. It's like, I think it was compared to like football practice. We're like, you're on the same team, but I want to kick your ass tonight. Yeah, right, right. And it's okay, it's healthy.

Yeah, yeah. There's some unhealthy motherfuckers that I work with that I ain't going to mention their names. Like who? Yeah,

go ahead, tell us the names. No, let them fly. No, because they were too hostile. They were horrible. Yeah,

I've had to deal with some horrible people. I mean, you've been in the game for a long time. Who tried to, they want to, well,

you know, it's like those people you play basketball with and the elbow, you know, in the trachea, you know, like, oh, I'm sorry. No, you know, it's like those people you play basketball with and the elbow, you know, in the trachea, you know, like, oh, I'm sorry.

No, you aren't really sorry. Right. That was an empty apology. Yeah. I've heard a lot of those in my life. I know that was one of them. What was like the,

without giving names or anything, what was like the, was there everything that stands out that like somebody did you real dirty? Oh my God. Every, every moment

that person was trying to do me dirty. Really? Like if I, if I cracked a joke and the crew laughed in, on, on camera, that person would start talking really loud before the cue came up.

So nobody could hear me. And then, and then petty bullshit. He wouldn't call. I had a cue to come on camera. If I was off camera, he wouldn't give the cue. So he's like sabotaging you in every way.

Ah shit! Alright John look at that. No no no that was the other person. We'll piece it together. That was a good person. But yeah so this I mean a movie like this with John Cena too has got to be a blast to film right? I mean it's like funny. We had so much fun.

You got some napkins Nick? Yeah that was a lot of fun man. That was a lot of fun. I mean, it's like funny. We had so much fun. You got some napkins, Nick? Yeah, that was a lot of fun, man. That was a lot of fun. I mean, we were just goofing all day long. We don't need this t-shirt if you want to do that. Laughing our asses off. And you know, they tell you not to work with dogs and kids. And they're not wrong. Wait, wait, why do they say that?

Because it's usually impossible because you're not going to be able to, I mean, with the dogs, animals, they don't behave. Oh, okay. So I did a movie where we had a little – a cute little dog. I forgot what it was. And it started jumping, trying to bite people in the face after like the – because they got freaked out from the gunshots and all that stuff. Yeah, I guess they do. Probably John Wick, the dog died so we didn't have to deal with it.

Oh, get out of here. Dude, we were going to talk about John Wick. I didn't realize we were going to leave it with that. Can't talk about luckily the dog's dead. Jesus Christ. You don't have to deal with it. That's how you get canceled. Shit.

Holy moly. But in this one, the dog, you know, he was cute as hell, but all of a sudden he stopped performing. You know, he just would not. Well, he was probably trying to sabotage you too. Doing you wrong. He was trying to wreck my acting. Because he stopped wanting to do anything.

He would just lay there or wouldn't come out anymore. Once they hear a gunshot or a fire, they get scared. And they stop wanting to do what they're supposed to do. Then the other one, they bring the stand in, but the stand in couldn't focus. He was like, I love it. And you're sitting there. You're probably on hour number 20 on the set. You're like, I love it. And you're sitting there, you're probably on like, you know, hour number 20 on the set. You're like,

I want to go fucking home. And then the kids, you know, they only can work three hours or four hours. So you shoot their side. Then it's your turn. They leave.

Now I got to stick with the X on it. Now, good luck. See ya. Bye. But this one went well? That's what this one was.

Yeah. I've never thought about that. You know, we obviously, you know, like everything. That's what they pay to pay Yeah. I've never thought about that. We obviously, like everything, we see that. That's what they pay the big bucks. They make it look like, oh, you're having a great time. You're having this heartfelt moment where you're on camera sunning in your head. You're like, this fucking kid can't even show up for three more hours. I mean, the kids were really talented.

But they had their limits. They can only work a certain amount of time. But they were fantastic. Have you been acting since you were a kid? Well, I guess 17, 18. Yeah, I guess kind of a kid. Was there a plan B? Was there ever another road for you, or was it this or bust?

There was not a plan B, but there was always a plan C. Like that? I mean, if I'm going to be a waiter or a doorman or a taxi driver. Uber now would be better for me. You know, and then, you know, there was no fame plan. You know, there was no, like, make it, be a star. It wasn't that. That wasn't my point. It was, like, I wanted to do great work.

That's all I cared about. Did you ever foresee yourself on the stage? Like, did you see when you started? Oh, yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. I started doing plays. Plays was what I was doing.

That was what you started with? Yeah, that's what you started. Every acting class, you're doing plays. Did you see yourself as a one-man show?ays was what I was doing. That was what you started with? Yeah, that's what you started. Every acting class you do in plays. You're not really acting movies. Did you see yourself as a one-man show? No, that I never knew. That's fucking hard, man. You got out of New York before.

So one of my good friends is from Colombia. She's from Bogota. Oh, yeah, yeah. And she was going to come up, and we were going to see it together. And then before we- I'm going to be on this Saturday. I know you're on Saturday. We're going to see Nate Bargatze.

He's one of our favorite comedians. Oh, wow. Your favorite comedian, but I'm not. Put your foot in my mouth there. You should be like, we got to go to grandma's party. That's okay. That's all right. I was going to come here, but there's another studio open.

As I was researching this, I saw, I was like, shit, he's in Brooklyn on Saturday. But my mom was hassling me. My mom came down to see you and she loved it. Oh, it's pretty dope. She's been hassling me to get me to go see it

and I wanted to go see it with Elena. Oh yeah, she'd love it. She's going to be flipped out. She's going to be transformed, changed, and never be the same.

Oh, is that right? Oh yeah. That's a hell of a sell. That's what happens. Shit, man. I mean,

a one man show has got to be daunting. Oh yeah. You don't have to deal with dogs and kids, at least. That's true. It's just you. There is that.

No, I love the kids in the movie. I love the kids in the movie. They were great. After a show like that, though, I mean, are you, like, exhausted? Or is that just business now? Wiped out of my mind. I mean, I got nothing left. I leave it all on the stage.

And then I just want to go crawl in a hole and hide. Yeah. But it's worth it. That's awesome. I mean, the way the audience responds and people feel changed and transformed i go yes that's what i wanted to do i want i wanted people to leave the theater a little better how much research do you put into something crazy i just i just talked to ken burns on the phone who is one of my heroes one of the greatest documentarians that has ever existed.

And I gave him some information for his next project. And he said, send me all the links. I go, yeah, baby! All from his research for Latin History for More Hours. Yeah, exactly. No kidding. That's incredible. That's amazing, amazing. I mean, he's the cream of the crop.

You gave Barry Bond swing tips. Yeah, exactly. I feel... Here's a shot of this Vaughn swing tips. Yeah, exactly. And some steroids. Give you a shot of this. This will help you. Is there a little extra being on stage in New York, being a New York guy? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I know the audience comes in there primed, so they're going to be extra rowdy.

You know, sometimes it's a plus, sometimes it's a minus. Sometimes they think, okay, I'm going to talk to John through the whole entire show. Yeah, I can imagine that. But it's a one man show and it's a two person show. Not a two man show, yeah. Yeah,

yeah. I'm not sharing my salary with you, so be quiet. Did you, did you go out west when you made it or you've been in New York

your whole time, like your whole career? Oh no, I went out west for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for a couple years.

But you know, LA wasn't so hip back then. It's awesome now. I mean, they didn't, you know, everybody the business died in New York and everybody left.

And that's not when I went. I was there before everybody left. Now when I go there, all my friends left New York. They're all over there. I have to call what's up. What's up, Michael Rappaport, Freddie Ray. Do you ever get to when you were over there, did you get the feeling that you were getting soft? I feel like everyone who leaves New York is like,

You do, you do, because all you're talking about is business and work, and here you're talking about life and politics and drama, and people are calling you on your bullshit. Over there, everybody's talking bullshit, so nobody's calling you on anything. It's for real. When you got over there, did you, like it so i guess it was like you said it wasn't big yet so you didn't really get to feel like a head honcho immediately because we we me and kevin went and did meetings this is probably two years ago and we were there for one day it

wasn't like actor meetings or anything like that i honestly forget what the meetings were we were trying to get like our t-shirts and shit in the background oh yeah yeah we were trying to have meetings have our merch in. Product placement. That's what our meetings were for, right? So nothing, nothing important at all. And the first meeting, we were so timid and whatnot. By like the sixth meeting,

we were like, where's my fucking water? Let me tell you what you're going to do with your next movie, okay? It's this t-shirt and this scene with this guy. You do get cocky. You do get cocky.

It was a day. It was like that. I imagine 30 million people in that city all acting cocky. It gets a little bit much. Yeah. It's intoxicating. It is. I mean, I think our last one was at Warner Brothers.

Did you get – where did you get your t-shirt on? Zero things, John. Not a thing. I like that you don't give a fuck that you didn't get what you wanted, your mission statement, but you're still cool with it. There was a – somebody said it was when the rock was working on hobs and shaw which just came out like a couple months ago right yeah and so this is like a couple years ago talking about the spinoff and all this shit and we were like the rock's gonna fucking wear our shirt like we did it and then we like we just wait a couple years and it's like hobs and

shaw's coming out and i went to the movie thinking it was gonna be in it i was like i can't wait to see the scene where where dwaynene Johnson's in a barstool. You can't tell. We're idiots. That's what happened to me in John Wick 2. I was like, I came up with all these monologues, and I had a fight sequence, and then I go see the movie, and they cut my monologue out. You went on a fight sequence?

Fuck. Yeah, they took it all out. No way. I was like. Oh, my. Dude, that hurts it all out. No way. I was like. Oh, my. Dude, that hurts. That hurts. When you got onto John Wick 1, did you know what John Wick was going to be?

Did anybody? No, you didn't. I mean, I did have an amazing time on it, I got to say. Working with Alfie and the directors and Cano was such a blast. And that's usually a good barometer for me to go, oh, if I'm having that much fun, the audience is going to have that much fun. But I wasn't in all the scenes, so I didn't know what the rest of the flick was like.

I read the script and I was going, this could work. Yeah. You're not thinking like in a worldwide phenomenon way. No. And then you see the movie and you're like, what the fuck? How did they do that? I'll tell you now, man. They killed the dog.

But you didn't think that was going to carry you? No, I know. You read that script, you go, how is that going to carry the whole movie? And you were totally sold when you see it. It just hits you and you're like, I love this guy. He's one of those guys, Keanu Reeves, who I feel like... Well, he does his own action.

He's the real deal. That takes balls. That's the only way you can sell it. You do the Tony Jaa, who's an incredible martial artist and action guy who kind of flipped the whole action world. When you start bringing sort of the Thai, Hong Kong, and Korean sort of action film to American action, you're going to change the whole script. When you know the end and outs of that, do you feel like people sometimes think that acting is a little too easy? My son does. He says, Dad, come on.

You just lie on camera. I go, excuse me. You're offending me. This is my craft. This is my art. I've been chasing this my whole life. How old is your son? 18.

18, all right. So he's definitely busting the balls. He goes, you just make it up, Dad. Come on. You don't need to study for that. I go, excuse me. Do I go insult you when you go to school and go, oh, it's so easy? I could pass those tests for you.

Why aren't you passing them? When did you forget? When did you not be able to keep up with his tests? Yeah. Dude, do you know they're trying to change the alphabet now? What? They're trying to change the song. Oh. So, and when I say they What? They're trying to change the song. Oh.

And when I say they, it was like one person on the internet. So, you know, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, and then it goes L, M, N, O, P, right? That's how we know. Right, right. Well, I think that's too hard for the kids. They're not getting all the letters. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S. It's just like, no. I mean, no.

I can't do that. That's like saying a phone number like five letters first and then two letters. Yes. Oh, say can you maybe see from the dawns. They change how you do math. Then they're changing the song. The math, forget it. I couldn't help my kids with the math.

But I was good at helping them with their English and Spanish. Wow, that's, I hope. What do you mean? I hope you can do that. You're right. You would hope to. You're a Queens guy, right? Yeah.

Mets fan? Of course. Yeah. Well, it's not always. I'm a Bronx guy. I was a Mets fan. So it kind of like. Oh, you are? That's odd. That's so odd. You must have been really beat up. That's why I'm the miserable

prick that I am. I've been behind enemy lines my whole fucking life. Wow. Crazy, man. Amazing. Beautiful. So did you raise your son a Mets fan? I tried. Where'd he go? Is he a Yankee fan? No, he don't like baseball at all. See, I'm okay with that. I'm honestly. Are you okay with that? Yes. More like, I mean, I'm okay with that. Are you okay with that? Yes. More, like, I mean, I'm at the point.

More than flipping with the Yankees. My kids are young, and my son, like, I don't want to curse him with, like, this Mets life. It's so fucking terrible. It's so hard, man. But if I had the manager, that might make a change. Well, but then today, they completely botched announcing Carlos Beltran. Did you see that? These clowns. So they put out a picture of Beltron signing his contract and then like on

the desk like over here is a notebook and it had the name of the guy like they were secretly going after their bench coach and they deleted it and then reposted it without the cropped out like they were like hiding it like and then they had to just own up to it like yeah never mind we're going after that guy it's like you guys can't do anything right. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's so – That's heartbreaking, bro. It's like another – They're just clowns.

I know. They're just clowns. The Knicks too, bro. The Knicks are a mess. I mean – They're better than they were last year, but it's not – I mean – Until James Dolan's gone. Yeah.

That's the problem. I mean, that's a problem. So maybe you would know better than me. I'm flipping to the Mets. I know people are going to hate me. Are you? Oh, no. I think I am, bro.

Did you see the coach the other day with the earwax? You can't flip to this team. He picked earwax out of his ears and he rubbed it on his lips. No! Yes! It was disgusting. Maybe he stores his lip chat. He's got the chapstick up in there.

It's like a baseball. He just twists Burt's bees into his ear before every game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Melts it with a lighter. He's like. Oh, my God. That's disgusting. No, come on. Were you in the team? But that's not enough to make me hate a team. No, but you oh, my God, that's disgusting. No, come on.

But that's not enough to make me hate a team. No, but you can't flip to the Nets, man. As bad as it's gotten with the Knicks. I love Kyrie. I love Kevin Durant. When he comes back, it's going to be a problem for the Knicks fans. When is he coming back in? It'll probably be next year.

He's out this whole season, yeah. But I heard if you wait that long, then you get the fear and you're not going to play like you played before. You've got to get in there while it's still a little tender. Right, right, right. When it's really ready to break. I've got a question for you. How about Stephon Curry breaking the hand?

How are you going to be the same with plates? You're going to get plates, right? I think so. I feel like he's almost happy to not be a part of this one right now, though, because it's a shit show for them. Yeah, because you'd get blasted. Right. It would be his fault.

But also, he had like, his ankles don't work either. He's part robot when he's on the court. So I feel like they'll have something strapped to his hand that makes it work. That'd be easy, yeah. I had a question for you. Sad. With Romeo and Juliet. Yeah.

How awesome is that? Dude, that, you knew that that was going to be a mega hit. That was like the first adult movie as a kid where I was like, I'm in on this shit. These movies are awesome. Even though they're talking with thou, these, and those. How do you study for that? I remember when I just had to be like— That's like learning a whole other language, really.

Reading. I was reading all that. It was impossible. Yeah, I mean, hence and thence and whence. I remember the books we used to have for Shakespeare in high school would have the Shakespearean English on this page, or Shakespearean on this page, regular English on this page.

And our teacher would be like, you have to read that page. And I was like, fuck that. Yes, sir, Mr. O'Connor, I got you. And then, no. There's no way. I don't know how you memorize that. That really is learning a new language. It totally is a different language.

Because you don't use half that. The vocabulary is no longer functional. It's defunct. It was so cool to see that in just like a different style too. You play tie ball and it was – is it tibble? How's it pronounced? Tibble. Tibble.

Some people say tibble, but they're wrong. I was going to say, well, I'm one of those people, the wrong ones. But you know what? As per usual, that's how we roll. Before you came in, we were kind of doing a little research. We're professionals, you know. And I watched the trailer just to kind of refresh my memory a little bit. Oh, wow. What the hell is Paul Rudd doing in the trailer?

He's in that movie? Of course. Paul Rudd is a time traveler. He's the one that they want. The parents actually want him to hook up with Paul Rudd because he's on their side of their family. Right, okay. Romeo's on the opposite side. You're jogging my memory a little bit here.

It came out, when did it come out? 97. 97, so yeah, I was 10. So it was a little bit. It's excusable. A little bit younger to remember. But soft and bright, the window breaks. It is the east and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon. That's not my part. Still got it, though. Still got it, man. Still got it. How do you ever think it's weird that Romeo is 16 and Juliet's 13? Is that their real appropriate ages? Well, back then, there was no hashtag Me Too back then or hashtag Time's Up.

I mean. I learned that recently where I was like, hang on. Wait a second. Because even when I think about Romeo and Juliet, I think about your movie. But, dude, even if they're 15 and 13, there was no 15- or 13-year-old acting back then. Oh, no. First of all, there were – I don't need to talk about your movie.

I'm talking about like – The story. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah. First of all, there were no women actresses at that time. They were all played by men. So there could be a man playing Juliet, and then they're not going to be real kids.

No, no, no, of course. I've always been in the idea of the story itself, but even in medieval times, like, I mean, not medieval. I mean, because it was happening back then. Yeah, you're going to die in 10 years. Yeah, you're in middle age. When you're 15, you've got to get it in. Yeah, you're going to die in 10 years. Yeah, you're middle-aged. When you're 15, you've got to get it in. Yeah, you're going to have kids.

By 30, everybody was dead. Yeah, exactly. What about the even more iconic role, forget about Shakespeare, Luigi? Oh, Luigi. I mean, to be like a New York guy playing Super Mario Brothers, that is unbelievable. From Brooklyn. What's the matter for you?

I wasn't even acting. Yeah, yeah. No, I was doing myself. And then you got Bob Hoskins, who does the best Brooklyn you've ever heard from somebody not from Brooklyn or America. Where's he from? He talked like this. Oh, shit.

Get out of here. Oh, my God. He's got Cockney rhyme, eh? I didn't know that. You can't understand what he's saying, man. It's time. And he talked like this. And this is who I had to talk to.

They said, cut. And he's like, all right, well, I'm going to get a bit of a more sensation. And he go like this. And this is who I talked to. They said, cut. And he said, all right, well, I'm going to try it a bit. Get more sensation. And he go, what? I don't understand anything you just said. I got nothing. I don't know anything you just said. He needed subtitles.

I couldn't understand half of what somebody was saying. I was always going, what? What? He said, well, you're stupid. I go, no, I just don't understand you. I kind of. Well, you're stupid. Well, you're stupid.

Because I was kind of going, what? Because there's no way. You have great accent. You are. That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm you. You're stupid. What? You're stupid. Because I was kind of going, what? Because there's no way. You're great at accents. You are. That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm fantastic. You look like Pete Alonzo. Don't encourage him.

I look like Pete Alonzo? Yeah, I can see that. Okay. Got a little mask to you. Pete the Thick Boy. Thick Boy. We had one. It should be your Tinder name.

John, I don't know if I'm'm gonna be getting the people i want to get big boy grinder name dude hey the tender name i don't know if we're gonna be crossing the same streams there um the uh we had ken jong in here ages ago and uh we were giving him a hard time for uh vampire vampire suck vampire suck he made a real terrible likeoof movie. And he goes, that's my yacht movie. He goes, yeah, that was my yacht movie. I just did that one for a big old paycheck. Do you have a yacht movie? Oh, wow.

Oh, man, I'm trying to think. There's got to be ones where you know you're on set and you're like, this movie sucks. Like, this is not going well. Or like you thought it was going to be good and you see the way the business is running and you're just like, this is not going to make it. He's all about his craft. He's all about his art. No, no, no.

I'm not going to front like that didn't happen to me. I'm just trying to think. I've done a lot of movies and a lot of them not good. I mean, a lot of them you don't know they're going to suck.

They just suck. You don't go into it and go, I can't wait until this movie sucks oh boy no it happens after the fact um they just suck us yeah you go thinking oh we're gonna fix this we're gonna you're gonna we're gonna pump it up and fix it up and then it doesn't um i guess super mario brothers was that yeah really yeah i mean it's not you know when i was for it i mean

it paid me i mean i was like the the highest paid Latinx guy at the time. $500,000 was big for me. I mean, I just came out from the ghetto and shit. If you want to give us something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're like a, you know, you're on stage now. Like you said, you grew up kind of doing like, you know, true traditional acting. And then you're doing like something just wacky like The Pest.

Yeah. Do you take the same like approach to that? Or are kind of like this is like easy fun whatever yeah no it is this i'm gonna be crazy stupid and and dumb and i'm gonna enjoy the hell out of it yeah hell yeah yeah yeah so it's a it's a different mindset it's like it's like uh playing with fire it's the same thing it's like i did when they see us which is like you know i do research i meet the parents i meet the kids. We're talking to the consultants. You're making sure that everything is factual and perfect, and you don't stop.

I'll do another take. No, no, no. It's not right. No, no, another take. And you want to make it perfect. This, you just want to be silly as hell and not care, not judge, throw away all, all the judginess in you and just, and that's not easy either. That's not easy to, to let yourself go that way.

Right. Right. Do you kind of, do you like, I always get annoyed with actors who refuse to do that. Or people who are like, some people can't like, like,

like what about like, um, they can't build a butcher. Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis. I always method acting. Yeah. Some people can't,

you just can't do that? They can't do that. Joe, there's a lot of great actors who cannot be funny. You ever see Brando trying to do a comedy? It was unbearable. Yeah. And he's the greatest actor, to me, that has ever lived. Yeah.

Funny is the difference. Bedtime stories. He's trying to be comical and funny. Ooh. It just doesn't. And he's trying. He's putting in good effort. It's like Michael Jordan trying to play baseball

it's the same thing that's a good analogy you either can do or you can't and that's just never funny you're just a funny guy so you can do funny I'm a funny person it's natural to me it's gotta be natural to me

or not only are you not gonna be funny you're gonna be like bad when you're trying and you're not good to be funny, you're going to be like bad. You're trying and you're not good. Usually it's bad. It's almost like dancing too. We're like if you're trying to dance and you don't know how to dance, you look like an idiot. But if you're like trying to dance, you look like an absolute moron. Right, right, right.

You got to have some – right. Well, I respect you for just cutting loose and just going wild. And I'll love that. For its own sake. I'm not going to say it's good dancing. But I'm going to enjoy it. You're owning it. Right. But you're not going to be great. Playing the fire's out tomorrow.

Yes, it is. It's you. It's Keegan-Michael Kay. It's Judy Greer, who's brilliant, man. I love working with her. Yeah, you got a bomb squad cast. Some great kids and an okay dog. The dog was great. I love that dog. He just didn't always want to perform.

Didn't always want to, you know. Maybe the check wasn't big enough. That attitude. The trailer was small. I hope the check was big enough for you, John. You're a good dude. Great actor. Yeah, it was good enough.

Appreciate it. It was healthy. It was a healthy Chuck. Well, as a New York guy, too. I cashed it anyway too quick before they... Yeah, get it in good enough appreciate it it was healthy it was healthy it was a healthy chunk well as a New York guy I cashed it anyway too quick before they yeah get it in before they can take it back

you learned that quick cash that now hey man well we appreciate you coming through thanks a lot what a pleasure I'm so nice to meet you man

I love when they see us by the way oh isn't that powerful I watched that I