KFC Radio - The Last Voicemails of 2019

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

What's the worst part of Christmas as an adult? Tell a friend not to get married. The Celtics are still obsessed with Lebron. How much to switch to arch rival? 1 porn for 1 year of life. Red dick pics from a ghost. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio. Today's episode is brought to you by Truly Hard Seltzer. It's the holidays. It's Christmas week. We got Christmas Eve parties. You got Christmas Day. A lot of family time. You're gonna maybe need to, uh... It's Christmas Eve right now as you're listening to this. So that means that tomorrow liquor stores are closed. So go... Ooh, stock up on it. It's Christmas Eve right now as you're listening to this. So that means that tomorrow liquor stores are closed. So go stock up on it.

It's in Massachusetts. Blue Laws gets you. I don't know what the rule is here, but better safe than sorry. So make sure you get yourself cases of Truly right now. I think you should go get a citrus pack, a berry pack, and a tropical pack, which means you'll get all 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 flavors, a baker's dozen of flavors. Make sure you got them all.

And when, you know, grandma and grandpa and your aunt and uncle come over and you got a million kids running around. I'm like thinking about the recycling boxes that are going to be in my house after this year. I'm going to need like truly running through my veins to get through this Christmas week. So whether you're celebrating and enjoying life with Truly or you're, you know, stressed out because of the holidays and you need to need a little pick-me-up or a little assistance getting through it, get yourself some Truly Hard Seltzer. You can drink it all year round, not just in the summertime, not just on the beach. You can do it in the snow, on the ski mountain, with your family, by the fire. Actually, you know, give someone a case of Truly Tomorrow as a gift. They will

appreciate it. So this year and this holiday season and every holiday season, make sure you get yourself some Truly Hard Seltzer. Also today is brought to you by Roman. There's probably going to be some babies being made tonight, right? I would imagine so. This has got to be one of those things where like six months from now, or

nine months from now. So let's see, like January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September babies. those things were like six months from now or nine months from now so let's see like january february march april may june july august september babies so if you're a september late september baby you probably your parents probably fucked on christmas yeah and uh well here's the thing about getting pregnant you don't need to last long for that one it's just kind of a business transaction you know but i also would be willing to bet that babies that were born during a uh a solid love making session are happier people i feel like if you're a baby born because your your your your mother was like get in here it's time i'm out i'm ovulating like put it in me turkey baster style you're you're not you're not a baby born out of love you're you're like a clone cooked in an oven. Yeah, exactly.

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Let's cook it up while you open up your gifts, while you're hanging with the family, drinking some eggnog. You're putting on new socks because if your mom doesn't get you socks in your stockings, she's a bad mother. Marty's probably got a new pair of underwear on right now. It's the Christmas episode of KC Radio. Let's get it.

What's up, Chance? This is Super Producer BC. So my brother and I are just driving to our grandparents' house Christmas episode of KFC Radio. Let's get it. What's up, KFC Spice? Super producer BC. So my brother and I are just driving to our grandparents' house. It's like the holiday season. We have to drive five fucking hours just to go do Christmas early. We just made this drive two weeks ago for Thanksgiving. And we're just sitting here talking, and we feel like we're always going somewhere for the holiday season.

And it is the most annoying thing. Like, we feel like we can't even, like, enjoy the holiday outside because we're just in the car for 45% of it, 50% of it. I don't know. But I just wanted to call and ask what the most annoying thing for your guys this holiday season is. Like, do you have to drive everywhere? Or, like, kids season, like, getting your kids together? Like, I don't know.

What about the holiday season just pisses you off. All right. I mean, the, the, the, the harsh truth of the holidays when you're an adult is that, you know, they, for a lot of people, it can just be more stress than, than happiness. When you're a kid, it's all gravy. You're still all good. Right. You love it.

Don't, don't become an adult. Yeah. Don't just stay Peter Pan. I wear sweatpants all the time. I, well, I get dressed up for like dinner and stuff like that, but like, well, don't get me wrong.

I still wear something. The, uh, yeah, I drink that. That actually should be, I actually get, you know,

I actually, I can, I can tell you what the worst part of my holiday is. And boy, are you not going to like this? The presents. Like I still get presents and it makes me really uncomfortable. Oh,

I can see you being the worst gift receiver on the planet. Like I have like, like aunts and uncles. Like, I still get presents, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Oh, I can see you being the worst gift receiver on the planet. Like, I have, like, aunts and uncles. Look, I mean, it's... You're the man who has everything he needs. And, but, like, here's, like, here's a sweater. Here's money. And I'm like, I don't need money. I'm 31 years old.

Thank you. Yeah. And it's... Yeah, send another of your boys. It's like... You know when they say, like like in lieu of flowers like send gifts in lieu of gifts like send a donation to my venmo's open it's it's once you hit a certain age it gets very uncomfortable to be getting i agree like yeah like my mom gets me shit and you know

my dad gets me shit obviously that my mom gets me shit that she writes from dad on um actually you know that handwriting. And then he's kind of watching just as eagerly to see what it is his eye. I love when it's like, oh, wow, that's a nice shirt. Who got that? It's like, you did, dad. You got it for me. You got it for me.

My godfather will do this to me all the time. He'll be like, don't get this. Who's your godfather? My mom's brother. Your uncle? Yeah. You call him your godfather instead of your uncle? Well, I get my godfather a present. Okay. But I don't get all my uncles presents. No. Yeah,'s brother. Your uncle. Yeah. You call him your godfather, so your uncle? Well, I get my godfather very present. Okay.

But I don't get all my uncles present. No, yeah, I guess that makes sense. So in this context, no, I call him my uncle regularly, though. But they're like, sick gift this year. I'm like, yeah. He's like, what was it? Yeah, I don't know. My mom got it for me.

Like I said, last episode with Troops, I got a bunch of tweets after we dropped of all the sisters out there, all the girls who were thanking me for shouting out sisters. Because you're a mother, you're an aunt, you're a sister, you're a female, you're getting the gifts for some other people. That's basically what – it's not Santa Claus. It's the women that make Christmas go around. Shout out to them. But anyway, sorry. That should be one of the biggest – I've given you a million reasons to not grow old and have kids and do the family thing. And like how like I mean, there's a million reasons why you should, of course, blah, blah, blah.

But I told you all the reasons why it kind of sucks. Like one of the main things that we need to harp upon is like it kills holidays when you have family and in-laws. Holidays suck. So if you like Christmas and you want to continue like Christmas, don't ever get married. Don't ever have don't ever have a family. But at the same time, I'll say, I'm more excited

for this Christmas than I have been in years because this is the first Christmas my kids are going to kind of know what's going on. Yeah, like my parents like Christmas. No, they don't.

They do. They really like Christmas. But I guarantee you that there are plenty of behind-the-scenes times where they're like, I can't wait for this to be fucking over.

But that's just a day. Yeah, but that's what I mean. That's the way the world works. It's just like, it is a day. You know, we... There are times I wish this was over. Put it on a pedestal. Yeah.

But like, there are more good parts of the day than bad. It's like we explained with the Chrissy Teigen shit last episode. It's like, there's hosting, and you gotta worry and stress and cook and clean and rent and set up and all that shit. And it's the Super Bowl for that.

So if you're responsible for all that, it definitely is a day. And then the travel. The travel is bullshit. The travel, if you live far away, you don't get to host Thanksgiving. You don't get to host Christmas. That's it. But I mean, what if... Or if you live far away, then guess what?

We're all fucking sleeping over. I'm not driving three hours to have a glass of wine with dinner. But I also don't want to stay over either. Like, unless I really like you or you have a cool place. It's like, what am I going to do? Like, crash in your little twin bed up in your old fucking... I don't know. It's just...

I guess I'm lucky. We used to have... My grandparents used to live probably 40 minutes away. And they would have it sometimes. But they moved. So, like like everyone lives relatively close you know what i used to do in fact like most of us live on the same street yeah i mean that's just lucky you know i i used to we would open up our presents get in the car

drive two hours to philadelphia or from philadelphia back to the bronx to do christmas with my grandma which in hindsight like my mom was just like such a g being like we're doing christmas with my family like i don't fucking care. But every Christmas day, hop in the car, drive two hours. But as a kid, I was loving it because my grandma would ball out. So we'd get there, and it would be another mountain of presents. But I'm sure my dad the whole time was like, what the fuck? It's Christmas Day.

We've got to go drive two hours? The travel, if you have to do it, can definitely be a damper. Especially, she's right, we just did this for Thanksgiving. I don't know why. Thanksgiving andmas are too important to ever combine they both need their own shine but having a a huge holiday end of november and a huge holiday end of december is fucking silly it's pretty fucking crazy so uh shout out to everyone traveling right now i i the time that i i did the four Christmases and Duncan puked in my mouth was like a seminal moment in my life that I will never forget where I was just like

oh this is Christmas as an adult no thank you no fucking thank you I'm gonna puke in the backseat with my dog I'm gonna puke into his mouth now so you gotta just make the bet if you let that stuff really ruin the day,

you're not gonna enjoy Christmas. Because as an adult, once you lose the kids' presents and Santa Claus shit, the only thing you have left is, well, there are always gonna be some presents, but it's just gonna be nice family time together. And if you let the travel and the expenses and the stress outweigh all that,

then you're gonna hate Christmas forever. So fucking figure it out. It's a shit thing. I don't know. I really like Christmas. I'm a big Christmas guy. I mean, I will never let that stress outweigh it because I will just get myself in the holiday mode

because I love Christmas so much. But it is undeniable that a lot of that stuff is stressful. I bet I like it so much because it's easy for me. But we have it in our house. People come to our house. I was a kid. I don't wake up early anymore, but I was up at 4 a.m. Ready to go.

My mom was like, get the fuck out. She would let us open our stockings and that was it. Me and my siblings would sit there just like playing with fucking underpants and socks. Waiting for the good shit. If you gotta travel, just make the best of it. What's up, dickheads?

Got a little situation here. So, my buddy started dating this chick from the Ukraine about, I don't know, four or five months ago, over the summer. About a month ago, they moved in together. And now, we get a note in a group chat here that they are going to a courthouse on Saturday and getting married. This chick is like off the boat from the Ukraine. Went to school here, no longer works here, so she obviously needs a way to stay here. It's a green card marriage.

And what the fuck do we do as a friend group to yell at this motherfucker or support him I don't fucking know what to do uh later you've had some slight experience with this right have I

I thought you had something with the green card marriage no no no this is the story you tell where you're like look I'm gonna tell you right now

it's a bad idea yeah it wasn't it was a girl who like she was from she was Albanian she was longing for a green card, but somehow she already had one. I think she had already done the green card marriage, to be honest.

Yeah, but once my buddy was with a girl who was not the right girl for him, and he was equally as bad for the situation, I took him to a bar. We sat down. I stared him in the eyes. I said, I am going to tell you my opinion. You can take it or leave it, and then I will support you no matter what. And I said, this is a bad decision. This is a bad girl for you, and you should not be with her.

And he said, like, thank you. Fuck off. And I said, okay. And it ended up being an absolute catastrophe for him. He has since moved on, and he's much happier. But, you know, I told you so. But, I mean, you can't. This guy has made up his mind that he's

he probably even deep down knows this is silly but he's under the spell of a girl and or or he's totally okay with this and either way you ain't changing his mind you the thing is like i i do appreciate that like i gotta sit down i gotta tell you the thing but he's the only guy i've ever done it with by like he's the only i would maybe do it for you too like i gotta be really close to for me to ever open my mouth he i have a lot of other friends that i consider really good friends that i would not do that for that's probably true there's probably is there's a small group of people who i would listen i'd be like i would heed that advice right at least it wouldn't be to me to fuck off it would be like he might you know and he does have my best interest at

heart and i and they need this was so glaring this wasn't like i just i don't like this girl it was like i can see this is bringing out the worst in you andaring. This wasn't like, I don't like this girl. It was like, I can see this is bringing out the worst in you, and yada, yada, yada. If you don't like your buddy's girlfriend, that's your fucking problem. So, you know, the circumstance, the stars have to align for this situation, but yeah. But it is one of those things where

it's like, what you're doing is creating the Us Against the World tagline. Which is most days. That's what, that's how teams go on runs. That's how the fucking Washington nationals go around. No one thinks we can do this.

Let's go boys. Let's fucking show them. Let's sign that paper at the courthouse. Let's get that citizenship. Let's go. Most of the time it fucking fails miserably, but every once in a while, you're going to be in Washington nationals or St.

Louis blues too. I don't think it's happened a couple of times more recently, but the, and it, like even you, you're like Rodney Harrison. If he's saying the Patriots don't think it's happened a couple times more recently. But the... Even you, you're like Rodney Harrison if he's saying the Patriots don't have it this year. It's like, well, look, you're in our clubhouse.

And I respect what you're saying, but it also fucks you up. Now you're out. Now you're not in the clubhouse anymore. Now fuck you. I think everybody... If you're in this deep for a green card situation, like I said. Five months is not long enough.

No. I don't have no problem doing, like, green card marriage. I meant in deep enough, like, your brain's in deep. Like, either you are like, I love this girl so much, and I want to get her this green card. And so, like, fuck you, because we're meant to be. Or she's got you under a spell whether it's like sex or whatever it may be and also your brain's not thinking right either way so if you agree to this one way or another you're all in yeah either for the right reasons or the wrong reasons and so there's really

no change i mean you're a green card man all i know about it is from the proposal starring ron reynolds in a classic film um but like you have to stay married right there's no it's not just like i don't think so i'll see you later i mean you know you i think you at least have to stay married for a while too right it's not just like I'll see you later I mean you know I think you at least have to like keep up that illusion so you don't get caught I think it's an unfortunate situation because I always say if you don't like your buddy's girlfriend your girlfriend's boyfriend

actually I don't know how it works with girls so I'm gonna speak for guys when you don't like your boy's girl you ride it out until he realizes it they dump and he comes back and then one day it's going to be you that like strays from the friend group and you'll realize it and you come back and everybody has to just always welcome you back with open arms knowing that one day it'll be you making the mistake one day it'll be you forgiving the mistake uh but when someone's doing it to the

extreme of marriage and legal papers and whatnot i think i would maybe be able to, I would never try to talk you out of it, like out of the girl, but I think, especially being a divorced person now, I could give you the speech of like, I don't think you should sign away your legal rights for anybody. Even a homegrown girl who's not using you for any means to an end.

So do you really want to legally put your name on anything? Anything, let alone a girl who might just be using you you for a green card i think you can have that conversation yeah maybe maybe that's maybe i think you'll find a divorce person to tell that to your buddy because i think divorce people will tell you like you can be absolutely head over heels in love with someone and it's really just not a good idea to sign away your property and your money and all that shit. I think as a regular person, I think it is always thought of like you hear the horror stories, but you're like, well, most of them are just easy. It's just like, OK, we're divorced. Bye. And that's it. Yeah, it seems like that's not the case. It is not. I mean, it was not for me.

I think I was a little more on the dramatic side of things than a lot of people do have easier ones than me. But I mean, I never thought I never thought i would be divorced let alone going through a messy one and i never thought you know i i i my my theory now the whole thing is i think prenups should be you have to do it i think we should take away the stigma of a prenup by just being like you have to it's a legal it's a government law yeah if you want to get married you have to sign a prenup because the problem is that you don't want to have the awkward conversation. You don't want to be like, in case we get divorced, but you probably should.

Everybody, and then if it was just a rule... I'm getting insurance in case there's a fire. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's basically marriage insurance, and I think that if the courthouse was just part of the process, you have to sign saying you'll split all your blah, blah, blah, then there's no problem. The whole green card, of the process. You have to sign saying you'll split all your blah blah blah.

Then there's no problem. The whole green card, they need to figure that out. There's clearly a loophole going on where people get married for these fucking things. Figure it out. I think you can give your buddy one talking to about that. And then one. And when he tells you, fuck off. So be it. I'll see you on the other side, buddy. Next voicemail is brought to you by Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew is all about the three ball, baby. Did you see that Kevin Garnett clip? I mean, last week, Kevin Garnett talking to Bill Simmons about how the Celtics broke LeBron and how they were the greatest team ever. I was like... As a... I root for the Celtics. I do not follow Celtics that closely.

As a loose Celtics fan, it is very strange, the obsession that that team has with LeBron. With LeBron and the Cavs. The Celtics snuck a title in between the Spurs and Lakers dynasties and before LeBron took over, and you would think that they won four out of five. Broke LeBron. He went on an unprecedented eight straight finals after that moment.

He didn't break shit. It's like did the Pistons break MJ when they beat him first? No. Eventually he just got a good enough team and he went on to be dominant. And I could go on and on about the Celtics and their delusion, but the reason why they won that title, the reason why they won some games, Ray Allen hitting that three ball, baby. Three ball's big.

It's the most badass shot in the game, and that's what Mountain Dew does. They align themselves with the badasses of the world who get shit done, the people who pursue their dreams, the people who get out there and do it. My life passion, I just started a podcast. I don't know if I'm badass, but whatever. I'm drinking Mountain Dew, so now I am badass. You want to just achieve your dreams, get out of the cubes. You want to hit that three ball in the corner.

You want to go be a badass and get it done. Drink Mountain Dew. That's the official drink of everybody who's a badass out there. Get your Dew on, baby. Next up. What's up, guys? I heard you talking on CCK about how much athletes care about playing for their hometown

when they're a free agent, so I'm just curious how much athletes care about playing for their hometown when they're a free agent. So I'm just curious how much money would it take for you guys to go with the rival instead of playing for your hometown? So KFC, like play for the Mets versus the Yankees. How much would the Yankees have to offer you more than the Mets? And John, whatever Boston team you want to pick over New York team. All right, Viva. $1 more.

Really? No, probably not really. No, this is the one thing for me. I say everyone's got a number. I actually would not want to play for the Mets, like the Wilpon Mets. Stevie Cole Mets will be a different story. But based on the experience I've had with my teams, I would not want to play for them if it was

like that or play, I really don't think I would play for the Yankees I really don't think I would I don't think I would like playing for the Canadians that's who that is more my, they're not even around now because they stink too, but like I have I harbor more hatred for the Canadians than the Yankees

still to this day the red sox have had so much more success with the yankees that you know and the broodens have had more success but like just not the same amount as the red sox i i i mean as long as as long as we're saying that like i can go sign with other teams for also generational wealth here you know what i mean if you told me that like every other team in the league is going to pay me starting Q-Bunky salary, I would probably say no. But if it's like the Yankees will pay you a billion or the Mets would pay you $200 million,

I don't think I'd put it for the Yankees. For $800 million? I know that sounds crazy, but I don't think I could do it. I mean, I would do that in a heartbeat. If it's a billion versus $200 million? If it's... I guess 200 million. If it's I guess if it's such an

extreme amount of money that the general public would like understand me, like I guess it's kind of narcissistic to think that I don't even care. Who cares? I wouldn't be like, oh my god, he spent his whole life making fun of the Yankees and now he plays for them. Oh my god, fuck off. Who cares about me? But I think on the inside, I hate

every time I see the fans, the pinstripes, the stadium, I hate – every time I see the fans, the pinstripes, the stadium, I hate – I loathe everything about that existence. I don't think I would do it. I think the, you know, I spent my life making fun of them thing is always kind of overblown. I hate when they do it on draft day when it goes big. Charlie McAvoy had that, like, I hate the Bruins or whatever. He was like 16 years old. He's from Long Island.

He's a Rangers fan. Right. It's not a big deal. Well, yeah. If I got drafted by the Yankees or something like that, it's like, well, I don't know. We got to do this. But if it's like up to me as like a free agent, I really don't think I would. I mean, if it's what was Cole?

He got 346, 324, 324. And then the next highest was like $280,000 or whatever. I would take $324,000. Really? Yeah. I would take $30,000, $40,000,000 extra dollars. To me, I think once you're talking, like $250,000 is so much like. But it's one of those things where I agree with you.

But also, like, what's the difference? The difference is $40,000,000. Right. But what does that mean? What's the difference? It means $40,000,000. But, like, do you think that Garrett Cole is going to live a much better life than Steven Strasburg? No.

But his kids will. Not really. His grandkids will. You have $40 million more in the bank. I think it's just more fuck you money. But I do think there's a certain level once you achieve it that's good enough. And if I have my choice of not having to have an existential crisis every time i put on a uniform i think it'll uh i think i would love to know i don't know the answer because i really in my in my heart i'm saying i couldn't do it i wonder

if i was ever presented with the opportunity it's like dude just put this ball cap on play for this team and you get a billion dollars if my my heart would change i don't know it in i i don't know it's one of those things where I think I would sign with the most money. Like, what if Deadspin came along right now? What if Deadspin

offered you a million dollars? Let me correct it. I wouldn't care about location or whether or not I hated that team. I would care about the structure

of the organization. That would play a much bigger factor in me rather than what team I rooted for as a kid and whether they were my rival. If it's like, if it's going to be a franchise,

if it's a shit franchise and it's like every day, people like, it's the Cleveland Browns and every day it's miserable there, then fuck that. But if it's the Yankees and it's a good team.

Yeah, from what I understand, it's a healthy organization, I'd go there. If it's like the Mets, the dysfunctional, I would not go there. So if Deadspin was a functioning company.

That was successful and doing pretty well, and they came over and offered me a bunch more money than me. I mean, it's a little different because it's like, this isn't like, this isn't the team I rooted for. This isn't the team I helped make. Yeah, it's like you're part of. You got ownership.

You're part of the fabric of it. Right. That's different than just being like, of the fabric. Right. It's, it's, uh, it's that, that's different than just being like, I like that team. But I also, like I would, I would argue that like the hate in the Yankees has been like a part of my

life. The same way Barstool has been. I mean, it's just like where I have been in the trenches from day one where I lived, you know what I mean? I hope you win a world series one day so you can, you can stop. Cause it's,

it's, it's very nice when it's like, like, I don't care anymore. And not only is it nice when it's like, I don't care anymore. And not only is it nice when you're like, I don't care anymore, it pisses them off even more. I know. I actually care more about the not caring though.

Like my buddy the Big Wheeze, when the Eagles won a Super Bowl, he's just like, I stopped caring about sports on February 4th, 2018 or whatever the date was because I got mine and that's all that matters. He's upset that the Eagles stink this year, but he's like, whatever, doesn't matter.

I still care about my team winning, but when they're like, oh, we're in the ALCS, I don't fucking care. I won the World Series last year. Fuck you. I'm currently the World Series champion. I don't give a fuck about you. That freedom sounds goddamn orgasmic shit. It's really, really, really nice. So final answer, yes for you,

no for me. Final answer, yeah, really, really nice. So final answer, yes for you, no for me? Final answer, yeah, probably. There would be a lot of factors that go into it, but there is a number. Yeah, it's not a no chance. I would have no problem. I'm probably leaning towards no chance, but I bet I can be bought because I'm a fucking whore. Next up.

Hey, boys, what's up? Just got a quick hypothetical for you let's say you have a total of 100 and you have to divide that up into the number of years you live and the number of new porn videos you can watch so if you want to live to be 99 that means you got to watch the same video for the rest of your life but you want to live to be 80 and you have 20 new porn videos to watch what do you think that's a really good question i mean i i value uh like i was thinking i'll just go 50 50 give me 50 years on the planet earth but like 50 porns is not a lot a lot so you're gonna have a drastic shortage of porns anyway so So I would recommend you get used to a handful of them and live a full life.

Yeah, I could do. I have one of those. And if I can pick like, you know, like my five classics, I'd probably be good. You know, I'm not very monogamous with my porn. I don't have like I don't even really have like, oh, I love this video. Oh, there are there. I know I'm going to go Heatherbrook in the laundry room. You know, well, there are see what those that's a little different because there are

here we go well it's like retired people well then i'm out of options yeah right but like anyone who's still active i don't have like a classic really yeah anyone who's active what's the new shit tori black when she went to that frat party love that yeah like tori black has a few frat boy is an all-timer they're're, yeah, they're retired. But even Tori Black, she's in the game still, so I'm still checking her new shit. By the way, do you remember that one guy who emailed me asking,

I don't know if I ever told this publicly, there is a guy on Twitter who emailed me and asked me to ask Asa for behind-the-scenes, cutting-room-floor footage of his favorite porn star who stopped making movies. And he wrote me this long email being like, there's this girl. She burst on the scene.

I love her. She made six videos and then disappeared. And I'm stuck, like you just said, like retired, like I don't have any more. But I have been able to dig up like some, like a cameraman who was filming that day who had like extra footage and sent it to him and he's like do you think you could ask asa about that for me if she has any

more yeah like could you yeah could you ask her like does she know this girl and can you put me in contact with like the producers who might have the footage and i was politely like yeah sure man because i didn't i mean when you're dealing with something like that i don't want to be like are you fucking crazy dude but like yeah no i will not want to be like, are you fucking crazy, dude? But like, yeah, no, I will not be asking you my new co-worker porn star about finding behind-the-scenes cutting room floor from the girl you're obsessed with, you freak. But when you run out of – but at the same time, I sympathize.

When one of your greats retires, it's like, well, there's never going to be another new one. I think the 80-20 is pretty solid. Yeah. 80-18. My first thing was 75-25, but like I think the 80-20 is pretty solid. Yeah. 82-18. My first thing was 75-25, but I think... I can do one of them. I'm like a superhero.

I can do it. If you give me one video for the rest of my life, I'll be fine. Yeah. Also, by the way, if I know this, I'll get off in the first minute of that video. I'll turn a 10-minute video into 10 videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you give me 20, you're really giving me 200 know yeah i'll finish real quick i didn't even see that position yet okay i know i had scrubbed past that one but i also don't have that that childlike wonder i

think with pornography anymore where it was like oh i love this like i'm having sex good good enough it's well but that's not true because there is are you just having regular right i mean sex in the vagina new bio films or whatever it is, then fuck that. But there are plenty. I have a certain level. There needs to be something in your butt, and I need to see the cum all over the place. If that's the case, I could watch it forever. While I'm sitting on my burrow couch, if you want to get yourself,

you want to get someone in your life a gift that will truly last and will truly matter, why don't you get them a burrow couch? You get someone a new couch. that's something they will use every day of their life that they will be so goddamn grateful for if you got me a brand new couch that fits in my apartment that's designed nice with a usb charger the nice armrest the right size legs the right size cushions i, I would be forever indebted. And it's, you know, probably in the past, it used to be something like, I can't, what am I, spitting chiclets?

I can get you a couch. I can't afford that. Well, that's where Burrow comes along. Not only are they affordable, but you can also get $75 off a new sofa when you go to burrow.com slash KFC. That's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC. Get $75 off. Oh, and by the way, they just launched a sleep kit, which transforms your couch into a comfy bed.

I don't know how that works, but I also didn't think that there was ever a couch that could charge my phone. And that's where Burrow comes in here, changing the goddamn game. They've got beds that turn, couches that turn into beds, couches that turn into chargers. All of it's affordable and customizable. Go to Burrow.com slash KFC to get yours today for 75 bucks off. What's up, guys? So I came across sort of a quarter-life realization today. I was about halfway done with my breakfast.

I looked at my oatmeal and thought, Jesus Christ, I used to find oatmeal absolutely repulsive when I was younger. So my question to you guys is, is there any food that you eat daily now in your adult life that you once gagged at looking at it when you were a kid or whatever? Unsweetened iced tea? Ah, gross. Ah, so good.

You child. You're a child. I'm the one with the Steven palette. Oh, here we go. Here we go. If you talk about your own palette, you're a fucking scumbag. Just because I know it's classic. I have a classy palate. No, you don't.

No, you don't. Yeah, I do. No, you don't. What don't I like? If you told me something that's like... You live off Sour Patch Kids. I like Sour Patch Kids a lot. Yeah, I'm a guy who can do many things.

I'm a 21st century man. I can appreciate good food, but then also, you know what? I like a Snick Snack. If you talk about your own fucking palate, I want to chop your head off. Well, when you tell me I have a garbage one, I respond with, actually, it's a good one. You are a garbage, pale person all around. So am I. I'm both.

I'm a versatile man. I can do everything. But unsweetened iced tea is no. It's just like, I mean, unsweetened iced tea is just saying it's bad iced tea. No, it's so good with a lot of lemon. It's not as bad as sweet tea. I'll give you that. Sweet tea is even worse.

So you're just out on iced tea? No, I like iced tea. What iced tea? Iced tea. Regular iced tea. Like Lipton? Any kind of iced tea. Like you mix it up yourself?

That's good. Unsweetened iced tea is iced tea. No, but it's not the good kind. I mean, like. You want the sugary kind. Yeah, but sweet tea is also the sugary kind. Sweet tea is bad as well. So you want like Snapple or Lippton yeah yeah that's yeah i mean i remember

doing that and then i grew up no see this is what i mean like you insulted my palate i was actually it's good you know you took my own palate i'm not talking about your palate i'm talking about your my taste maturity maturity maturity something happens where you uh when you get old you just you start to like it no not that one there are plenty of things radishes i like radishes a lot oh wow i've never even i don't even know what a rash looks like kale i like kale i don't like the salads in general i think is something that you probably start to eat once you're old enough that you're like fuck i actually have to worry about my weight see i learned to like them mine isn't even i still don't worry about my weight and that's probably not

coming as a surprise to most. You don't say. I'll get a salad. Sometimes I'll just get a salad. We were here watching Monday Night Football or something, and Spider was like, what do you guys want to eat? I was like, I just want a salad. When I find a good salad, I like it.

It's not like I'm suffering my way through it. There still is just something that's not as satisfying about leaves and vegetables. It can be a good, flavorful salad, but sometimes you just still want fucking bread you know real food um i had one the other day that i remember thinking comparing it to what that would probably fall into this category is fucking cheese but that's still overrated and shit um how this man can talk about his palate and not like one of the most important and versatile foods on the planet we've had this fight already recently i don't dislike it it's I'm not going to go out of my way

to get a plate of cheese. A little charcuterie for you? Some goat cheese? A little manchego? I saw a guy today who was like I was walking to work today and I don't know how this applies but I just imagine

this man doesn't like anything. He was at a crosswalk. He was a New York City bus driver. And I thought, I wonder what that guy, what makes him happy. What food he likes. And maybe it's even just like, he's talking about like, well, I didn't expect this when I was older. And maybe he was just sitting there thinking,

I didn't expect this when I was younger. But it was, I've never seen a person so was older. And maybe he was just sitting there thinking, I didn't expect this when I was younger. But it was, I've never seen a person so dead in my entire life. So dead on the inside? It was like so amazing. This guy was sitting there. I mean, I'd imagine when you're a New York City PTA bus driver, you've seen some shit that makes you just say,

fuck this world. He was actually, so he was like blocking the box, if you will. So like, cars were honking, cars were honking. Fuck.

It was, usually like in that situation, if it's me, I'm either like, trying to maneuver. Or I'm like, oh my God, I'm honking. Fuck. Usually in that situation, if it's me, I'm either trying to maneuver. Or I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Or I'm like, fuck you, shut the fuck up. But I have a reaction, whether it's apologetic or anger. And he was just two hands on the wheel.

Just chaos. He was a this is fine meme. It was chaos around him. I think that happens when you're a cab driver, but more specifically a bus driver, it's like bro i can't maneuver this thing like it's it's fucking done it's gonna be here till the till the light goes green and like that's it this is so this is your future like it's gonna be 45 seconds if you want you can stamp your feet but it ain't this is happening yeah get on board yeah i i as miserable as that guy's life is that that sort of uh like ignorance is bliss or not ignorance but just like just let go just like just don't fucking care you know once you

realize that there's like i don't know how that applies i clearly what's happened is that i saw this morning i wanted to talk about it i'm trying to wedge it in here um i actually was like i don't know where i was like maybe what kind of food he likes when he gets i don't know i just wanted to talk about this guy i saw a guy on the street today what's funny is i didn't even i was like, I don't know where that came from. I was like, maybe what kind of food he likes when he gets up. I don't know. I just wanted to talk about this guy I saw die on the street today. What's funny is I didn't even, I was like, okay. I didn't even think twice. I was like, wait, are we on a bus driver voicemail right now? Nope. I didn't have to talk about it.

We're on a food voicemail. He was so, not even sad. He was content. It was just lifeless. He was so lifeless. When you learn a lot about life and you realize there's just nothing worth getting fired up about. There's a scene in... Nick, I'm on episode five of Watchmen

with Looking Glass. Oh, yeah. He has a realization of sorts due to some crazy shit, and he's just like, fuck everything, man. And it's kind of liberating. Yeah? In a very pessimistic way, but pretty fucking cool.

And that bus driver, I'm kind of jealous. Yeah. Nothing shakes him. Unflappable. That man is the tomb of the unknown soldier. It's there. It's constant. There's no fucking with it.

Rain, sleet, snow, I'm here, baby. Doesn't fucking matter. I'm not going to honk. I'm not going to worry. I'm not going to drive fast. I'm not going to drive slow. I'm going to gonna fucking do what i want and i don't care otherwise and maybe he drinks some iced tea who knows yeah maybe maybe he has something he's like i'm surprised i like this i i had something else recently i wish i wrote it down i didn't but i i definitely have had

moments where i've always said like you know signs you're getting old you like on sweet and iced tea you like xyz and there was a food that i ate that i was like, you know, signs you're getting old. You like on sweet and nice tea. You like X, Y, Z. And there was a food that I ate that I was like, yep. You know, I would have never. Oh, you know what I think is a food related thing? And I know you can relate to this. When you first start having heartburn, that's a sign. I don't have that.

I don't have that because I don't. That's just been my life. You've always had it. Yeah. So I had it for the first time the other day. And I've had, I guess, so many fucked up issues with my body that if I ever get a sharp shooting pain, it's usually because of a nerve problem or whatever.

And I had this sharp pain right at the bottom of my ribs. Top of my ribs, whatever. Heart area. And I was just like, what is going on? And I remembered you saying you have to sleep propped up at night. And I was in bed when this happened. So I was like, I don't know what's happening,

but that sounds a little familiar. And I propped myself up and it kind of went away and I was like, fuck. And I had a bunch of peppers for dinner and I was like, shit, I got heartburn. And it's a fucking shitty realization. Heartburn is a bad name for something? Am I going to, do you just power through it?

You just eat whatever you want? Yeah. Yeah, because I love, I got these KCVs. I keep that you want? Yeah. Yeah, because, like, I love, I get these quesadillas. I keep that dang on me. Yeah. That's the thing. I need to have that. I don't have any of that shit on deck. Like, I have this place that I love chicken quesadillas with some peppers in it, and I'm like, I'm not gonna stop eating that.

But I was in agony. Agony! I mean, it's bad! Yeah. It's hard to ruin your night! Heartburn is, it's a weird thing, because it's it's almost like it's like a playful playful term in a sense. But it's a very inaccurate description as well because you think it's a heart problem. I think of it as like, yeah, well, you definitely think of it as heart at first. But I also think of it as like you've got gas or something like that with a fat guy who eats food.

It's like, no, it's like a debilitating pain racing through your chest and your throat because you ate something wrong. It hurts. It's terrible. It hurts really, really bad. I think it's almost like so talked about heartburn. I feel like that's the problem I blame Big Pharma for it because there are so many heartburn medicines that you

just feel like everyone has it. It's not a big deal. And they're constant commercials. Every commercial break has a heartburn. And I definitely have like had a feeling where I'm like, oh, heartburn. No, that was not heartburn. You thought it was. It is not. That was you just burping, dude. When you really get that burn, it's like, I never want to do this again.

I'd do it again in 10 minutes. I'd probably do it right now. Next up. I see fights, DC is gone, guys. Haven't called in a while. I had a hypothetical for you. My girl was asleep and I was bored, so I was thinking of some weird shit.

I listened to one of the voicemails from the show the other day where the guy was talking about if you only have, like, so many loads, blah, blah, whatever. So I was thinking, what if every time you came, you were to lose a millimeter off your dick size? And it, like, resets every year. So I had to look it up, and there's 25 millimeters in an inch.

So basically, like, every 25 times you come, you're losing an inch of length off your dick. So then New Year's Day resets. So what would be your approach to the year? Like, you know, would you try to fuck a lot at the beginning of the year where you have the confidence? And then, you know, close the year out jerking your tiny little dick off? Or, you know, I thought it wasking your tiny little dick off or you know i'm just i thought it was weird but that would be funny so yo i'll tell you what i don't know yet i gotta think it through but i'll tell you january 1st would be a fucking party yeah you

gained like three inches back on your dick your dick like doubles in size whoa buddy i think that the way to plan this is not not was every time come or every time you have sex? Come. Come. I think the way you really got to plan this is you got to look at a calendar and figure out like cuffing season. Like it's not just about when you come. It's like, all right, I'm going to like, like I'm going to fucking come a bunch and I got to get myself a girlfriend like right before my dick gets too small. And then because when you have a girlfriend, who cares if your dick's great? You know what I mean? Like you find someone, you settle down. You almost got to go back to an ex who, like, knows you and likes you.

And it's like, listen, let's get back together. By the way, my dick's also a lot smaller. Do exes know you and like you? Not an ex, but like a, yeah, but I mean, like a steady, like, go back to the well sort of thing. If you're lucky enough to have those, yeah, I know what you mean. But, you know, if you're like, listen, it's like, why don't you come back over, girl? And like, by the way, my dick's only four inches long now. But, you know, we already got good chemistry.

What happened? Were you in an accident? Nah, a fucking wizard. I had a genie chopping millimeters off every time I come. That's definitely one of those things where you'd be like, a millimeter is nothing. Like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. And you'd look up and your dick's a fraction the size it used to be. It's one of those things like, it's coffee a day.

It's $1.20. Who cares? And you're like, well, over the last 10 10 years you could have bought a house with that coffee money all right dude i that's my financial advisor for this fucking fidelity commercial i'd probably go like a couple months where i'd like and i and i think you gotta you know make them count in the beginning like don't just jerk off i'm gonna hook up with randoms i'm gonna i'm gonna go have some sex because you got to make these count i'd probably go 25 times i'd lose an inch off my dick i'd probably start to freak out when i lose an inch because you can tell you look down like that's a lot smaller notice that is you know for a lot of

us that's like a fucking you know a fifth of your dick gone and then i think i would try to get a girlfriend and then from there you basically almost have to like ride it out for the year because if you have a steady girlfriend you're gonna be fucking a lot you're gonna be losing millimeters by the fucking you know know, by the day. I have a son. And then you got to go on sabbatical. You got to go like, you got to be like a monk for six months. I take a vow of chastity for six months, and then I'm back on January 1st.

The thing that's fucked up about this is that, like, this doesn't even, it doesn't only affect my sex slash self-sex life. It affects my drinking, too. I have to stop drinking. Because you make bad decisions when you're drunk? No, I just get horny. Horny drunk. And then I get even hornier hungover.

I guess I could still drink whiskey. Wine would be gone. Wine. I'd turn into such a little slut. It's crazy. I get it. I get it. Yeah, I mean, that's why people, like, that's why wine is wine. That's why, you know. I get a couple of's yeah I mean that's why people like

that's why wine is wine that's why I get a couple antioxidants in me watch out buddy I mean I so much as fucking smelling acai bowl

and I'm fucking boned up like are you kidding me it's Chris DiStefano with Allegra and you with an antioxidant

watch out like I steer clear of red wine like I might I might fuck a coat tonight it is it's bad it's bad you get me accident. Watch out. I steer clear of red wine. I might fuck a coat tonight. It's bad. It's bad. You get me

a couple glasses of red wine, you'll see me with the crackheads. Who wants a piece? I'm fucking David Duchovny after half a gaffe. Is it called a gaffe what's it called a giraffe one one voicemail culture one voicemail these african animals full of wine i'll have a giraffe of the best of your best wine my good man

my man's ear is so clear of wine he doesn't even know the fucking terms for it don't tell me don't tell me that reminds me of my favorite story my buddy a glass of barefoot you'll see my bare ass in a second my buddy once took a girl out to dinner she was way out of his league and he was trying to impress her and take her to a fancy place and he asked the asked the uh waiter is your merlot red here that's right michael scott this is a white uh wow well so you like so now i mean everybody can know this now you see john at a dinner That's right, Michael Scott. This is a white. Wow. So now, I mean, everybody can know this now.

You see John at a dinner or anywhere with a glass of wine. He's got a half chub on. You can fuck him right now. You see me with a glass of red wine in my hand, I'll fuck you real quick. I don't know if you're a guy or a girl asking. I don't care. I'll fuck you. This might help your situation when you basically get uh like like you know assaulted when when you when you when you have your weekends where you come in like all fucking tired and banged out

you know she might not do that if she knows she's losing a millimeter every time that's true like is it really worth it to you girl like you're about to lose a quarter of an inch in a weekend you know take that wine put that in the freezer so final what would i mean final answer for me is i would i would slut put that in the freezer. So, final answer for me is I would slut it up in the beginning. I would try to use my first 25, my first inch I would hope would be using other people and not just my hand. I would get a girlfriend, preferably an ex that I'm on good terms with, who would accept me for me and also my new smaller dick. And then I would join the clergy for six months. I'd just fake it.

I'd fake cum all the time. Just not cum? Yeah. Fuck it. That's interesting. I'd fake it all the time. I don't... Spit on your back. I don't know if I could have the self-control to be like, alright, that was good enough. I don't know how girls do it. The fact that girls just fuck and don't cum is crazy!

I would... I'd probably have to masturbate, but I would never come during sex. I'd go Nikki Glaser with that. It doesn't count, doesn't count, doesn't count, doesn't count. Guess what? Keeping that millimeter. Trying to keep that, take that millimeter. You know, the post-nut clarity when you lose an inch off your dick, a millimeter off your dick, that would hurt.

So, like, you have some red wine, I'm out, like, I'm gonna fuck somebody tonight because I'm gonna lose a millimeter. And, you know, you take home someone you shouldn't or you know not of quality and then you come and you're like that wasn't worth a millimeter no this this was worth me shortening my dick there was

it's like the ultimate I shave my balls this I shave down my dick for this fuck out of here you would turn into kind of like a lady with who's like yeah I'm gonna fuck like are you sponge worthy? Are you millimeter worthy? I almost need you to submit a case.

Write down, submit a DBQ essay, four parts, explaining why you will... Fuck a FAQ about it. Give me a real. What does that mean? Let me see you in action. Oh, that move?

Okay, that's worth a couple million yeah okay yeah yeah now we'll do it i don't need to see i don't need to be like well i like sex like yeah i don't don't i guess what and also if you're too descriptive in that i might get my literatic on and then i come anyway guess what that millimeter is that today's millimeter across the list i also think once you have your girlfriend you could use it to your advantage and be like, come on, babe. You know that thing I've been wanting to try? Come on, I'm going to lose a millimeter.

Let me put it in there. Let me do this. Let me do that. Why don't we bring your friend around? Let's make it special. You can't just have a quickie in the morning. It's not worth that. Come on.

All right, next voicemail is brought to you by New Amsterdam Vodka. What can you say about New Amsterdam Vodka? That hasn't already been said. They are funding Rolexes. They are funding cash. $5,000 cash grabs. They are funding per bottle all the boys at Chicklets.

They are a powerhouse. 1.5 million bottles sold. What do you think they get per bottle? They get a dollar a bottle? I don't know, but this is what goes to show. You get down, like, New Amsterdam, saw the fucking light, saw the writing on the wall, and was like, let's go with these guys, and holy moly has it paid off. You got to imagine other liquors are just looking around going,

holy shit, these guys have just burst on the scene and dominated. Why? Because of this Muppet Ryan Whitney? You gotta be kidding me. They're smart. They know what they're doing by creating affordable vodka, quality vodka, flavored vodka, getting down with the right guys, with the NHL, with us, with chicklets. So pay the favor back. Get yourself a nice

bottle of vodka. Get your buzz on. Get a little horny like John. And at the same time save some money because it's an affordable liquor, and also pay it back to the podcast and the blog and the sports league that you love the most. So it's a win-win-win-win-win-win. It's like five birds

with one stone when you drink some New Amsterdam vodka. Charlie Sheen! I don't know. I feel like I had to add something. I mean, you said a lot of win in a row, and I just high-pitched said Charlie Sheen. I mean, I barely got the reference of winning, but then why you went, Charlie Sheen. You could have just been like, yeah, like Charlie Sheen winning. You just went, Charlie Sheen.

I mean, I will tell you what. I make a promise to you right now and all the listeners on this podcast. Every single New Amsterdam vodka read we ever do, there will be John going, Charlie Sheen. No sense, but it will be on every read ever. So get yourself a bottle. Go get some Pink Whitney. Support the homies.

Support the boys. And also, Charlie Sheen. Get that tiger blood in you. Mickey Mouse over here. What a weirdo. Next up. What's the next voicemail? Let's do it.

Let's do it. You're going to do the whole voicemail of Mickey Mouse, aren't you? I'm going to try, Kevin. Let's see how it works. I was listening to yesterday's pod about the whole, like, oh, is this what self-respect is like or anything like that? I kind of had an interesting thought. We kind of, fights especially, and KFC and guys like us,

we tend to pride ourselves on our ability to see ourselves as we are. Self-awareness is key. But what is the border between self-awareness and total lack of self-respect? I feel like we kind of border on that line and just be like, oh, I'm a fat piece of garbage. And everyone's like, oh, no, no, you're not. But we think we are. But is that because we have self-awareness or just have so little self-respect for ourselves that we can't see the difference? I got lost.

Yeah, I know you did. The question is, where is the line between self-awareness and just a complete lack of self-respect? Well, folks, let me tell you this. I have found it. It's about 17 miles back, I say. It's about when you're doing a podcast with a Mickey Mouse voice. Oh, yeah. That laugh is great. It's about when you're doing a podcast with a Mickey Mouse voice. What? Oh, yeah. That was great.

I would say that there's definitely a lot. It's becoming a little broke, too. Well, sure. It'll get there. I only have one voice. I get back to it pretty quickly. I guess I would have to say that the line is, I don't really know. I'm a pretty bad person to ask about this.

I know I crossed it some time ago. But it's certainly now we're treading in self-disrespect waters. Oh, my God. Yes, I understand. I have no self-worth, so therefore I can't have self-respect. Can't answer this question. You really can't because you have none of it. I don't know. I don't know.

I think self-awareness is the latest term that people are, like, misconstruing. Like, the same way they fucked up with troll and, like, all those words that lost meaning. Like, if someone, if I make a joke about something that somebody doesn't think I should be joking about, they say, where's your self-awareness? Like, no, I mean, I get it. I just think it's okay to make that joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't. I'm aware.

I know I'm making a joke about fidelity in a marriage. I get i'm aware of it i'm not a fucking idiot yeah like oh really you're gonna say that like have less self-awareness no i'm fully aware i just don't care so there's a difference between not caring and not being aware of something and i think everybody just lumps it into like if you don't like what i'm saying or you don't agree that i'm saying something or i should be saying something you're not self-aware oh i get it yeah i just don't like what I'm saying or you don't agree that I'm saying something or I should be saying something, you're not self-aware. Oh, I get it. Yeah. I just don't fucking care about you.

Imagine being self-aware about how awesome you are. Imagine that fucking world. What? What we were talking about recently where, I guess it was Mike Trout. Maybe I was talking to Jared about it. I don't know if it was you. Like, it was on CCK with Jared. Like, Mike Trout. Maybe it was something with Jared about it. I don't know if it was you. It was on CCK with Jared. Mike Trout is so good.

I just can't imagine that. Like a level where it's just like, you're not being cocky. You're not being an asshole. You're not being arrogant. You're just like, I'm the best at this. And it's like, in order to make sure you get the right contract

and the right everything, you have to acknowledge to yourself, I'm the greatest to ever do this. I can't wrap my head around that. No, I can't. I really can't. But also, like, I don't deserve to be able to wrap my head around that. No, I have nothing to wrap around.

But, like, it seems like, you know, the mere fact that this guy and us are equating awareness with no respect, it's like it could also go the other direction, guys. Yeah, you could. We're just pieces of shit. That's true. That's true. Like, you could be aware that you're the best singer on the planet and we're just aware that we're like talentless bums i think they go hand in hand though i think most people who do comedy or any of this kind of shit are very hyper aware of all their faults and

all of the world's like idiosyncras, and also that usually comes with, like, you know all your individual faults and you don't respect yourself. And that line is like, the Venn diagram, there's an overlap there. It's razor thin, that line. But yeah, I agree. It was a long time ago. It was way back, goof.

We'd have to ask about sophomore year high school, John. Oh, don't you know? All right, last voicemail of the episode, last voicemail of the all right last voicemail of the episode last voicemail of the day last voicemail voicemail of the year let's do it uh it's brought to you by raycon shout out to ray j you get to be the uh the one to send us into 2020 with our final voicemail ray j he doesn't lose dude and uh the latest endeavor that he is conquering is the wireless earbud headphones realm raycon has created several different models of the wireless earbud headphones realm. Raycon has created several different models of the wireless earbuds.

The best one yet, the E25s. It has six hours of playtime, seamless Bluetooth pairing, more bass, and a compact design that gives you a nice noise-isolating fit. It comes with different sizes for your ear hole. I bet you got a big, fat ear hole, bro. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I do. Yeah, you do. I got a little dainty ear hole. You got a big, fat fat ear hole, bro. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I do. Yeah, you do. I got a little dainty ear hole. You got a big fat loose one, bro. So you can, you know, I'm going to use the little tiny ones. John's going to use the big fat behemoth ones to fill that ear up. And it's going to fit nicely. Because actually the main problem I have with wireless earbuds from other companies is like they fall out.

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you get an additional 15% off your order. Get the latest and rate it the greatest from Raycon right now. Go to buy Raycon.com slash KFC. Last voicemail, Nikki, what do we got hey guys i just have a question about um unsolicited dick pics slash videos basically um one of my friends is talking to this guy for probably honestly like two weeks um not a big deal and he goes dead like they're

supposed to hang out he didn't come and then then he never texted her ever again until about a week ago. So it was like four months of not talking. And he just said one, hey, one warning shot. And then like three pictures of his dick in like the same position, just different angles, which is odd to me. And then I think she said something along the lines of caustic of like nice tan lines, because it, I don't know, it was a, it was a strange looking photo. He had a lot of tan lines going on and his dick was very red. I'm very concerned about that. Um, and then flashed her like three, four weeks later, at my bachelorette party. And he just sends videos, full-blown fucking jacking off, like multiple videos on Snapchat of him just jerking off. Again, his dick is still very red, and he just gives no warning, just full-blown sending videos of himself jerking off with nothing back um so my few questions are are unsolicited dick pics just like in now like you just have to expect if you talk to a guy like you're just going to get a picture of his dick or a picture of him jerking off um second why is his

dick so goddamn red like is he just beating this thing raw sending videos to girls all day um i kind of probably i mean i'd have to see the dick to know what we're talking about here uh i'm gonna say unequivocally that unsolicited solicited dick pics are not in i think they're on the way out i would say out or let me say this i'm not going to speak for the women they might be getting them at an enhanced rate or the same rate as always, but the public perception of them, they're getting condemned more and more every day. Whether or not guys are just still firing them off, I don't know, and that's the cross that the girls bear. But I think that more now than ever, people are saying,

like, unsolicited dick pics, you're a fucking asshole. Yeah. I don't understand that one. I mean, I don't understand anyone, but this whole circumstance, like you were supposed to hang out, never showed up, never called. That's what they think of a stranger. You can maybe fire one off. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's like sort of solicited. Well, this isn't really unsolicited. I think once you've had sex with someone, it's not really unsolicited anymore. I think once you've ghosted someone, you've basically slapped him in the face. But he did the ghosting, right? Yeah. Well, then that's like a guess who's back. No!

If you ghosted someone. We have just spun off the planet on this one. You're saying it's okay to not only blow a girl off, but then four months later just show her your raw dick? I don't think the ladies are going to agree with you on this one, one john i'm not saying it's okay i'm saying it happens um all right let's let's just do this then let's define unsolicited versus solicited unsolicited is this is sent to my dms and we've never met never met now all right i've met you we hung out we i got i met you at a bar we talked for a little bit i get your number no i go home send you a dick right agreed we go home together we make out i leave you at your apartment i go home i send you my dick wait what was i you mean

you have to have been you have to have met the person in person right i met her at a bar no no i'm talking about the penis. That's my person. You've met my buddy. The penis. Yeah. You guys have met face to face. All right, but even still, so we go home, one night stand.

The next text I send you is like, what's up, baby? Just fucking like me, jerking it. I mean, jerking it is crazy. It's crazy. Jerking it is never easy. I mean, look, I wouldn't send, like, to someone like that, I'm never in that game. Like, one night stand, I'm never fucking doing that.

Yeah. I think the, but I wouldn't say that is less unsolicited than how the term unsolicited dick pic is received. Unsolicited, I think, the true unsolicited is like, I found your fucking name on Instagram and I send you my dick in the dms i think that it that if and i also don't think solicited needs to be a formal request to send you my dick the same way you know like there's not really no such thing as like unsolicited pussy pics because guys are just like whatever thank you how about you girls just be grateful you bitches this poor guy he's got a raw dick out here just hammering away trying to

make you happy with his dick i mean the i know that game he's been into where he's probably like, you're playing catch, really, with flaccid and hard penis, where you're like, all right, all right, and then you've got to get to the camera quick. I'm going to peek you. You flex, you push. You take it in almost like a burst photo as it's going down. We've let it fall.

I'm like, all right, that one's pretty good. That looks flaccid enough, but it's got enough girth to it. down, like I've let it fall. I'm like, all right, that one's pretty good. That looks, looks off last enough, but it's got enough girth to it. So yeah, that's the one. What the, the, the,

I feel like the ultimate, like, like a, you're not fully erect. Penis has the most, most girth, right? Is that just me?

Yeah. When I'm like, when I got like a quarter, three quarters chub, I look thick. Yeah. It's like when you crouch down. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I'm standing straight standing straight up i look skinny i got a little bit

posture everyone's like oh you look thin what i want to do when i want to send you is like trying to make it like a bowling ball it's like mass right mask can neither be created or destroyed it's just got to go somewhere yeah i i think the the best dick pic is a is a fat thick three quarter one and when you see it at full, it's going to be tall and skinny. But three-quarters is going to be like, you fat. You thick. Anyway. I don't think that was a question.

All right. But my rule, I think that should be for dick pics. I think you should always let the girl send the first nude. That's probably the best. And then I think that usually be for dick pics. I think you should always let the girl send the first nude. That's probably the best. And then I think that usually in that conversation, you can tell whether she like wants to see a dick or not. Yeah. Like if she's sending you a nude,

you're also probably sexting, talking about what you're going to do, whatever. And if she is giving hints, like I want to see that three quarter fat dick, then you send it. But until there's been some sort of, uh,

the first shot needs to be,'s been some sort of the first shot needs to be I think sent from the female. The first nude ever. Yes. Yes. The nude heard around the world should be from the girl.

Yeah. I agree with that. And then you know and then once they've opened that door if they're going to be if they're going to turn around and be like

grasping at their clutching their pearls like well bitch you were talking about that fatty so I sent it over. All right. But no I don't think that the regular

unsolicited dick pic should ever be something that's just tolerated by all the girls. Agreed. All right. That's it for the year. Thank you. Also, if he fucking dicks beat Red Rock. Don't send the picture.

And I guess worry about your tan lines. That's a tough one. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, listen, you get you catch a dick pic for me in the winter. You're going to see a whole block of cream cheese. I mean, that midsection is not going to be fucking tan. This is over. Happy New Year. Turn around.

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