KFC Radio - The Legend of Patrick McGillicuddy, Matt Iseman, and the Best Disney Song Remixes

Episode Date: November 1, 2018

The latest round in the war of KFC vs Patrick McGillicuddy as he adds another championship to his dumb throne. Who would you want to party with from the Boston Red Sox? The problems with Team Portnoy. Matt Iseman joins to talk about American Ninja Warrior and how we should all do PEDs.  Voicemails: Eating Chlorophyl, Setting up a blind date with yourself, buying a homeless guy donuts, and put an F Bomb in a kids movie.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio brought to you by Thursday Boots. It's a Thursday edition of KFC Radio. With my Thursday boots on my feet, I feel like I'm a goddamn, like a CEO, like a leader of men. Money, power, boots. How about that? a leader of men. Money, power, boots. How about that? A leader of men?

Yeah. I put my boots on. I'm like, I'm a man. I'm 40. I'm a man. I got my boots on. We get the combat boot. That's kind of what you got to be.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Listen, if we drop a combat boot on your asses, better watch out. Thursdayboots.com. You can get your boots delivered to you in two days when you use the promo code FREESHIP2DAY. I've been talking to my guy over there. We're working with factories in Mexico and factories in America. We've got—

It's a lot of coordination. Horween, Chromexcel. You love the Horween. I love that. I love the Chromexcel. Chromexcel leather is like... Better watch out. You got Chromexcel on your feet? Horween should be like what? Halloween and college.

Yeah! I like that. Horween weekend. Yeah, buddy! Listen, you got a pair of boots on too on Halloween, Horween night. It's going to go well for you. Thursdayboots.com. T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y-B-O-O-T-S.com. I don't know if, you know, some companies you need to spell it out.

I don't think we need to. I should hope not, but you never really know. I would imagine most people know how to spell Thursday and know how to spell boots, but you never know. Yeah, there's at least one listener going, oh, that's right. Okay. I thought it was T-H-R-U. All right. Thursdayboots.com.

Promo code freeship2day. It is, as we record, Halloween. It is also McGillicuddy Day. It is the perfect storm of chaos. It's kind of nice for Boston because we're kind of bored of parades. So, like, now we have someone to spice it up. Like, it's a parade. Well, McGillicuddy was certainly bored of this parade after he put KFC's

boogeyman on his fucking sign. Finally, like, acknowledged that this, like, middle-aged blogger has been chasing him for the past decade. And he put, he updated his sign. For those, I mean, There are people out there. Who don't know Miguel Cuddy. I don't know. I'll give a quick little recap.

When he was. 11 years old. He had a sign that said. 11 years old. 10 parades. 8 parades. And. He became.

Sign kid. And I put up a blog. And I. And I hated him. I fucking hated this kid. I'm sitting here. With technically one parade. I was one year old. When the Mets won. I fucking hated this kid. I'm sitting here with technically one parade. I was one year old when the Mets won.

So I technically won, realistically zero. So I wrote a blog being like, fuck this kid. And I said, come here, what's your name? What's your name? This is a small little like redhead from Boston. What's your name? Patrick McGillicuddy or something. And that was it.

From that moment on, that kid was Patrick McGillicuddy. And then they won again, and they won again, and they won again, and they won again, and they won again, and they won again. And now he has his latest sign. Says 16 years old. 11. 11 parades. Pretty good.

It's disgusting. So he has his updated sign, but he also this time put in the bottom left-hand corner, small print, KFC's Boogeyman. Which, like, the weirdest part about this kid, and this is how I know he was raised by wolves in a cave in, like, you know, Western Mass. He has never engaged with Barstool at all. I guess what it is is Gaz followed him.

Probably the Barstool Sports account. Right. And McGillicuddy went in there. No, no, no. I think it was just Gaz's account. Because McGillicuddy went and liked a bunch of Gaz's pictures. Right. But never responded to anything.

But doesn't reply to his DMs. Because we've been like, hey, we need to get in contact with him for several reasons. And nothing from him. I mean, when you're a teenage kid in Massachusetts, in Boston, and you're like, you know, Barstool talks about you a lot, what kind of kid is not running with that? Nah, I wouldn't. 15-year-old

Steve is probably getting handjobs left and right because of his stature here at the school. 15-year-old Steve, he's an enigma, I think. I would be like McGillicuddy. I would be nervous. Well, yeah, because you will have social anxiety. The rest of us would be like, yeah, I'm fucking McGillicuddy i would be nervous well yeah because you will have social anxiety but like the rest of us would be like yeah i'm fucking mcgillicuddy what up i remember dave talking make out with me dave said he's weird and he doesn't he's weird he doesn't respond to us i said that's not weird for a 15 year old to say there's a major corporation who's the enemy all the time i think

i'm just gonna step back here that i i would think the same thing i I would say, eh. I'm sure he thinks I'm weird. I mean, I know I am. I think he enjoys it. That's what I mean. Like, does he? Because he's never, I mean, forget about like, fine, you don't have to come in here and do like an interview. But I mean, never a tweet, never a nothing,

no reaction or engagement at all. He just saves it up though. He knows he's going, he's getting another parade in the next few years. Do you know what was so cocky? His Instagram. He put up an Instagram story with a pole. It was just a white background with a pole. It just said, should I go to the parade? Yes or no?

Fuck you, McGillicuddy. You are the parade. And the funniest part, I say funniest through my fucking, like, gritting my teeth. He has his sign on like the giant piece of wood and so you just see the sign like above the heads of the crowd

just bobbing as he walks around like, there he is! It's McGillicuddy! And nobody knows his real name. Darren Revelle tweeted out a picture, said, 15-year-old, 16-year-old Patrick McGillicuddy from Massachusetts is the luckiest kid in the world. Had to delete it right away.

Last year, CNN ran with it. Major League Baseball tweeted it. Cut4 said this McGillicuddy kid is the luckiest guy alive. His name is not Patrick McGillicuddy. It should be. He should just change his name. It's probably Julio Sanchez. I actually do know his name.

I'm not even going to tell you. You don't want to know it. It's better. It's like believing in Santa Claus. You just want to believe in Patrick McGillicuddy. If he does not have a fake ID that says Patrick McGillicuddy, he is doing life so wrong. I mean, he has not capitalized on this little bit of infamy

in any way, shape, or form. I almost think you can have Patrick McGillicuddy because too many people will know him and think, oh, the bouncers will be... You're 16. They'll think, shape, or form. I almost think you can have Patrick McGillicuddy because too many people will know him and think, ah, the bouncers will be... You're 16. They'll think, ah, this kid, I know how old this kid is. No, they're probably looking at it and being like, oh, yeah, you're a side kid.

Come on right in, bro. Patrick fucking McGillicuddy. But what's weird is now that he's 16, he's like a little, he's like a man. He is. He went from, I mean, his original picture when he was 11, he's like a little boy.

He was 15 last month, so it's been one year. But 15 to 16, you know how that goes. There's always like, it's like Little League Baseball. You know, like when you're like a 12-year-old playing with 11-year-olds, it's like whatever. When you're a 13-year-old playing with 12-year-olds, you're like mashing balls to the moon. So 15 to 16, some shit can happen man dick grows a couple inches you start to get some some yeah well listen so so he pops out now and it's like he looks like a like a bro like i used to be like making fun of this little kid and now he looks

like he's gonna like play lacrosse in college and fucking bang chicks out or something. It's wild. I'm like, all right, well, now this is like a real fucking feud. Let's fight. Well, you said that it's actually easier now. Well, yeah, because it doesn't— You've succumbed to it? Yeah.

I mean, it's taken on a life of its own where I used to genuinely like, I hated this kid, and I hate the fact that he gets to celebrate championships and i don't but now it's taken on such a life of its own that it's it's like everything else at barstool where like the content kind of can take end up taking precedence i mean patrick mcgillicuddy is one of my greatest blog creations ever so i when i see the frenzy that comes about and people are like looking forward to it, I'm like alright, well, I made that. You know what I mean? It's so, I enjoy the content side of things, but I do have to

remember. He's a child that you've birthed who annoys you? Pretty much. You love it, but. I made you! I made you Miguel Alcote! He's sitting in his cave raised by wolves and Lombardi trophies. That stupid little Mona Lisa smile where it's like, are you even fucking happy?

He just sits there and smiling. Like, do I even want to be here? Fuck you. It's like he's bothered. He should have gone as you on Halloween. I will. If he was me, if he if he had like some some sort of clothes that looked like me and a sign that said 33 years old,

one parade. With a sad little, just a tiny little Mets logo in the middle and just blank white everywhere else on the fucking billboard. That would have been hilarious. KFC's boogeyman ain't bad either, though, you son of a bitch. What I really wanted, what is Mrs. McGillicuddy thinking? I'm sure the dad is kind of like, he knows Barstool. I'm sure he's like, that's a little weird, but whatever.

This is funny, guys, busting balls. I'm sure the mom is like, that guy, let's call the police. Let's get a restraining order on that guy. Mom doesn't love you. No, no. I would not love me either if I was that kid's mom. So, Karabas is out there on the... Karabas is up there with...

Karabas is on J.D. Martinez's float. I think it was Joe Kelly. That's the guy I would want to party with. If you could party with one person from the team, who would it be? You gotta go David Price. Take him out of the equation. I don't think David parties too much. But it's not necessarily...

That's a good question. Would you think of it as who is going to be the funnest to party with or who would you want to be next to in the pictures? No, funnest to party with. I'd get a picture with Price. I love that Price opting in, by the way. Thank fucking God. Of course he wasn't.

I think it's four years, one 30. When you got a buck 33 left, you're going to opt in. Obviously he wasn't going anywhere. I think it would probably be see it's it's tough i'm trying to think of like who the craziest guys on the team are and joe kelly's definitely one of them joe kelly had an interview before the playoffs this year saying he's been prepared for the playoffs his whole life first of all he's played in the playoffs before uh second of all he he wanted to be an undercover cop when he was younger and that prepared him for this he wanted to be a guy who went in with tattoos and drug lords and stuff like that russ cole shit and and that got him ready for

this so he's a psychopath yeah no doubt that would be fun to party with i'm sure steve pierce he's the one i was gonna say um. Brock Holt is fun, but I think he's sober fun, which is awful. Brock. Get out of here. Sober fun person isn't a fun person for me. Sober fun is a complete contradiction. It's a paradox.

Yeah, it's strange. Back when he had a Twitter account, he was one of those John 316 or whatever Bible verse guys. So Brock Holt off the list. Yeah, he would be off. He's got his kids with him. Shout out to you and your cycle. That was awesome.

But I don't know. I want to party with you. No, exactly. I think a lot of this team are fun guys, but I don't know how many I'd want to party with. Mookie seemed to be going on a bit. Well, that's just like swagged out. Like you roll with Mookie.

But Mookie goes from... Mookie's swaggy on the field. Mookie goes from swaggy to guest lecturer pretty quickly. Oh yeah? Once he gets in the locker room. He's got a bald spot. He gets the glasses on.

He's got a bald spot? Yeah, he's got a bald spot. He puts his glasses on right away. So it's he quickly goes oh you're my TA. In a creative writing kind of deal. He's a big cardigan guy. So he's like you're my TA. In creative writing, kind of.

He's a big cardigan guy. So he's like, you're my creative writing TA. I don't know if I want to party with him. There aren't a ton of guys. I mean, JD was cool. Just hang out with JD and all his guns. I mean, we have partied with JD and Sale. And they were both fun, but they weren't partying partying.

It was night before the All-Star Game. The answer's Pierce. The answer's Pierce. I think it's Pierce, too. Especially right now. Like, I'm fucking World Series MVP out of nowhere. Let's go. Bald spot is, I did not see that coming.

YP reenacted one of the all-time pictures at Barstool Sports, a little bald spot. YP's such a damn coward. YP is a fucking coward. That's how you know you have a problem within your team when you can't bust each other's balls. That's some Yankee shit. If Team Portnoy is scared to give Portnoy

or anyone else in Team Portnoy the business, that's not a real team. Infamous picture is Gross Dave. If you just Google Gross Dave, it pops up. That's how gross that picture is. And YP reenacted it. He put a shirt in his belly to give himself a gut. He gave himself a bald spot.

Made himself pigeon-toed. And we recreated the famous picture of him taking candy from a preteen girl in Chicago. And he was so nervous that he was going to be in trouble for it. He was like, you goddamn pussy! That's why you know

there's a problem within your team. I saw Deke Zucker tweeting a bunch of stuff from Barstool Radio yesterday. I guess Dave was going down the list of who hates him the most or something like that. Yeah, of his foes and who he likes or who he thinks likes him and doesn't like him and stuff like that.

And he brought me up. I think Tommy Smokes, by the way. I don't know where the fuck he's... Tommy Smokes, he's a step back. if he gets hit by a train tomorrow i wouldn't fucking bat an eyelash like good he he brought it up where he said we're the biggest dave haters here or something along those lines and then dave said that i had the i think he probably saw the tweet where i had the dad analogy last kfc radio or two kc radios ago yeah where i said it was like dad watching sports i mean david i don't have a ton in common we're not we're very similar where I had the dad analogy last KFC Radio or two KFC Radios ago. Yeah. Where I said it was like, you know. Dad watches sports.

I mean, David and I don't have a ton in common. We're not very similar. Don't have very similar personalities. At all, yeah. But it is, like, I wouldn't, I don't hate Dave. I wouldn't. I do. I wouldn't say the things I say

if I wasn't comfortable with our relationship. If I thought I was going to get fired or if I thought we weren't cool, I would. If I don't talk about you, that means I really don't like you. Right. Dave is talked about the most because he's an asshole.

He's the dark cloud that's over everything. He's a dickass. I don't talk about Trent or make fun of Trent very often because he doesn't come up. I like Trent a lot. He said me and Trent were one and two for hate. I mean, nobody likes him, but I didn't think Trent was at the top of the list of hate alongside. I don't know that one. I don't know where Trent came from.

But I wouldn't, I'm comfortable making fun of Dave, which I think makes it... You have some level of friendship. A better relationship than what apparently Team Portnoy has. I mean, if you can't just reenact a funny picture without feeling like you're about to be fired, you are soft. But that's Halloween, man. Halloween

is a weird fucking holiday. We're going to talk about costumes, partying, all the Halloween shenanigans, because right now we're old and washed up, and things are different when you're old for Halloween. Not for me. I never was a Halloween guy. Shocking. Halloween Talks brought to you by FanDuel. The Gold Bottles giveaway

is already wrapped up, so this ad read means nothing. So go ad read means nothing. So go to FanDuel.com slash Viva, I guess, maybe. And you'll be doing some football because the baseball's over. The baseball is certainly over. The baseball is done. The baseball is over for the season.

So there's the Beat Dave contest every single week. You can go to FanDuel.com slash Portnoy. You can also play with the PMT guys. If you win, you can get a trip to Atlanta for the Super Bowl. That's actually creeping up. That's going to be sooner or later. We'll be hopping on that train, heading down there, and we'll fucking watch the Patriots win the goddamn Super Bowl.

It's actually perfectly coming up for Patriots, too, because after the trade deadline, people in Boston are doing the exact same thing they did with the Red Sox deadline. This team isn't built to win. You can't win in the postseason with this team. You need a linebacker. You need another wide receiver. I don't know why we need another wide receiver. But you need another wide receiver.

You need a running back. All the stuff you needed. Once you start doubting Bill Belichick or Alex Cora, apparently, don't worry about it. I'm good. If Bill's good, I'm good. I'm starting to regret all this aligning with Boston for the past couple weeks.

FanDuel.com slash Portnoy. FanDuel.com slash Viva. I think FanDuel.com slash Barstool. There's a million of them out there. You can get $5 for new users when you sign up for age and state restrictions. Go to FanDuel.com. Check it out. Halloween is a motherfucker of a holiday.

The other day I was carving a pumpkin, John. Oh, yeah? My dad just texted me a picture of a pumpkin he carved. Yeah? See? He's a good pumpkin carver. Right. So this is the first one I carved since I was a kid.

It's the first one I carved for my kids. And so I'm carving their names into them. And I was like, Shay, Shay, come here, come here. You're like, we're going to carve the pumpkin. And she sits down and I'm like jamming this fucking knife in there. And I was like, Shay, Shay, come here, come here. You're like, we're going to carve the pumpkin. And she sits down and I'm like jamming this fucking knife in there and I'm struggling. And she was like, I'm going to go watch TV, dad. And so she's, she's watching TV and Keegan's like stuffing his face with food. And I'm sitting there carving a pumpkin while my mom, her grandma is doing the hair of her wig.

She's like putting bows in Shay's costume wig. She was Molly from the Bubble Guppies. Don't know what that means. Bubble Guppies. So yeah, she's like a little mermaid almost and has a pink wig, but the wig was getting in her face. So my mom is like combing fake hair

while I carve a pumpkin for these kids who are just like, I just want to watch TV. Like, fuck this holiday. Then I got to worry about trick-or-treating. They're like, two? Like, I'll just buy you some fucking candy. She doesn't know how to do this stuff yet, so let's just sit on the fucking couch. That's my favorite part about Shayra these days.

She goes, she doesn't like dressing up, but she doesn't have fun with it. No, she got, oh, let me tell you a fucking story. So, gymnastics. I go to gymnastics every Saturday. You know that. They did a Halloweenlloween thing a special it was friday last friday so um you had to pay this time though you just go to gymnastics and everyone does it in costume but you had to pay so i call up yeah which i've i mean i've already

given these people probably like several thousand dollars because i've been going to gymnastics for like two and a half years straight like since since Shay came out. So since Shay dropped. So I call up, like we only have one spot left. And I was like, well, I have two kids. So figure the fuck out. The clan scenes are rolling through, as we always do every week. So figure it out. So I roll up there, and I signed up for one.

And I was like, all right, we're just going to like squeeze Keegan in here. And at the very least, I'll just let him play around in the fucking room before the show starts, you know. And but I put him out there and it's not like there's like food that they have to eat that he's taking up, you know, someone slice a pizza or something like that. It was just like a little extra space. This bitch comes running up to me and she's like, excuse me, what's going on here? And I was like, well, you know know they're both playing and she was like yeah well like only one signed up so and i'm sitting there and i look at her and i look down at keegan who's dressed as bubble puppy so he's a little one-year-old boy dressed as a fucking

puppy john and she's looking at him like what's gonna happen here so i'm like looking at her and looking down at the puppy i'm looking at her looking down at the puppy i'm like are you fucking serious? Like she's a bouncer. She's going to kick my little puppy out of gymnastics. So I was like, all right, well, I'm going to, I'll just let him play in the beginning. And then when you guys start, I'll take him out. And I just didn't do that.

I just like let him keep playing. And she was like staring at me. And I was staring back. And I just had this vision. It was me, my two kids, and their grandparents. And grandparents and i was like we're all gonna get kicked out of this motherfucker i was like like we're all gonna be banned from gymnastics and i don't know what i'm gonna do every saturday from now on because it's a it's a big part of our weekend lives i was gonna be like well daddy had to cause a scene i was ready ready for the police to show up, trying to bounce my one-year-old puppy out of fucking gymnastics.

Fuck you! Did you stay the whole time? Yeah. Shit. But yeah, Halloween is like either you're... Halloween's great when you're a little... When you're old enough to do trick-or-treating, and it's still cool to dress up.

That's the sweet spot for me. When you're in college, it becomes Horoween, which is cool, I guess. J to dress up that's the sweet spot for me when you're in college it becomes horween which is cool i guess like chicks dress up slutty and everybody gets bombed that's fun uh when you're older it definitely sucks but that like when you're like i don't know 12 maybe i feel like that's that shit see i never had it i never had it at all i never really liked halloween i don't i was it's funny but it's strange because when you think john like dressing up like you put a mask on and you hide from the world. Well, it's.

Surprise is a Halloween every day for John. I think it stems, first of all, I just dressed up every day as a child. I was Peter Pan or the Rocketeer every single day for two years straight. Well, that'll do it. But I think, I think it's a New England thing where you don't, because you don't really get. I thought New England was like Halloween central. But that's what I blame it's a New England thing where you don't – because you don't really get – I thought New England was like Halloween Central. But that's what I blame it on. I don't know whether or not everyone else thinks the same way.

I blame it on that because I never really got to dress up. I wasn't the Red Ranger. You just said you dress up every day. That was as a kid in the summer and stuff like that. But on Halloween, when I dressed up as the Red Ranger, my mom would make me wear a coat. And I'd be like, well, I'm not the fucking Red Ranger then. I'm a guy in a mask. Your mom ruined that shit then. And a North Face

jacket. Yeah, that sucks. And then it would, you know, I'd try and be a cowboy. I'd just look like some guy skiing in Colorado. Because you had the jacket on. I had the jacket on. And I decided, I was like, fuck this! I'm not doing Halloween anymore. This is stupid. I don't look like my goddamn costume. So you were just a little bitch boy who, like, your mom made you wear a jacket. Yeah, exactly. You couldn't stop it. And my house isn't really in the neighborhood so I didn't really like my goddamn costume. So you're just a little bitch boy who, like, your mom made you wear a jacket. Yeah, exactly.

You couldn't stop it. And my house isn't really in the neighborhood, so I didn't really have anywhere to go anyway. Right, right. It was... I'm surprised you didn't do it on the battleship or whatever. Go trick-or-treating on the fucking yacht or some shit. There was... There wasn't...

I could go to a neighborhood, I guess, but then you got to drive. That's not really part of Halloween. You got to walk out of the house and you go. There weren't really houses next to me. Dude, I remember one year we went trick-or-treating when we lived outside of Philly. And it was pouring rain. And my mom was just like walking behind us with an umbrella being like, I'm going to murder you kids so we don't ever have to do this again.

I also had a bomb-ass costume. I took a machete. I cut it in half. And I put it through a piece of cardboard. And then I hung the cardboard over me so it looked like the knife went through me. It was dope. It was dope. You always remember your good costume. Except for John because he didn't have a childhood.

So much makes sense when you learn these things. All my stuff that I dressed up as was never Halloween. I remember there was one dope day where I very problematic day. Me and my cousins dressed up as Indians and we ran through the dunes and stuff like that. I'll do it.

And I had, like, a loincloth on and a headband, and there's a fucking dope. Loincloth. I'll take a picture of it. I know where the picture is. It's at our house that I'm going to, like, first week of December. So I will take a picture of it and tweet it. But it was dope. It was me just fucking posing in the dunes like fucking John Smith, but also an Indian. So wait, your family left you alone on Christmas.

You never got to dress up for Halloween. I got to dress up. Tell me what happened at Thanksgiving. Something bad happened at Thanksgiving? Maybe you just have like a holiday bugaboo. No, I love holidays. It doesn't sound like it. But it's – I do enjoy them.

I just don't dress up and stuff like that. It's one of those things where it's kind of like you were just saying with your mom. She was like, you fucking kids. I think we didn't do things kind of like you where you're like, can we just sit on the couch? I think my parents were like you. Yeah. Where they're like, I just don't want to do it. Right.

It's good to have memories. Yeah, well, that's why were like you. Yeah. Where they're like, I just don't want to do it. Right. It's good to have memories. Yeah, well, that's why I bought the pumpkin. I didn't go to fucking, I didn't go to Disney until I was like 12. My parents were like, well, you wouldn't have remembered it. Well, you fucking. I might have, we could have. Now I don't want to do this anymore. I'm over it.

I've spent 10 years convincing myself Disney sucks, and now we're going. And because you wanted me to remember it. Yeah. Just have a memory, lady. Honestly, I mean, Chase says to me all the time, let's go on the couch and relax. And I'm like, you are the best. I love this kid so much.

But I was like, I got to carve the pumpkin. I'm going to put him in their costumes because otherwise they're like the weirdo kids who don't do anything that regular kids do. The only thing that will motivate me is to make sure I have normal kids make sure your kids aren't your co-hosts let's get it

let's get into some super weird voicemails voicemails are brought to you we also have Matt Iceman coming up in the second half of the show he is the American Ninja Warrior host he's a comedian he just reps the Barstool brand at every turn he was on Megyn Kelly's show coming up in the second half of the show. He is the American Ninja Warrior host. He's a comedian.

He also just reps the Barstool brand at every turn. He was on Megyn Kelly's show talking about Barstool defending the wall when we were all caught up in some controversy. So he's a big-time stoolie, funny comedian, and you'll see him all over network TV. So we sat down with him for a little while. But first, we'll do these voicemails. They're brought to you by 15 Seconds of Fame. It's the mobile app delivering users their own personal jumbotron and tv appearances now

barstool is fucking made off of taking pictures of people in the crowd filming your tv screen when they when they pan to the crowd uh when you see people like you know the guy who was drinking milk the dodgers game the other day people on kiss cam, people throwing the home run ball back. Anytime you're on TV or on the Jumbotron, it is, you know, you go viral, you become famous for a minute, but you're at the game, you don't get to see it. It's very fleeting.

It's just a live moment. That's where 15 Seconds of Fame comes in, where the app will send you the video of you at your favorite baseball, basketball, football, or hockey. It's so good. It is so smart. So if you're at the game with your family, your friends, girlfriend, your boyfriend, whatever, it's cool to save those moments and then you can share them on social media,

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, whatever. So Karabas right now, he's on his duck boat. We'll make sure that we get the clip of it so you can live with it forever. It's 15 seconds of fame is the app. Go download it today. Make sure you capture your sports moments forever. What else? What is this word? There's something with a G. Halloween McGillicuddy G. Let me see.

Let's just go to voicemails Giants? that's what I thought but like Giants Giannis? just do voicemails I don't care voicemails what do we got hey KFC hey Fights BC first time long time so I have a question my friend told me the other day that apparently if a girl drinks or eats a tablespoon of chlorophyll a day, it'll start to make her vagina smells or tastes like vanilla cupcakes.

And personally, I have no idea if that's true, but we're getting a lot of girls saying that it is. So I'm just wondering, have you guys ever encountered a girl that smells or tastes like vanilla cupcakes? Because from watching this podcast, apparently the best it gets is pennies. So I'm trying to get to the bottom of this. So what happened here? I said this was the weirdest voicemail we've ever gotten. Chlorophyll? This sounds like some shit Bill Cosby would say. Right? That was... Wait, chlorophyll?

No, no, no. Chloroform. I first thought of chloroform too and I was like, this sounds extremely dangerous. Yeah, okay. Chlorophyll is the stuff in plants. It's borophyll. It's chlorophyll. It's from Billy Madison. I thought chloroform and I was like, this is just a guy trying to be a groupie or something.

Yes. But it's not that. It's not a guy trying to date rape you. It is a guy who's just fucking with you. Being like, yo, let's get these girls to eat chlorophyll. Why? I think people say chlorophyll. It's a green pigment present in all green plants.

I didn't even know you could eat chlorophyll. What does that even mean? I mean, you can eat everything. A spoonful of chlorophyll? It comes in a powder form or something? I bet this is real. I bet this is real, 100%. Okay, let's see. I mean, it's the same thing as a guy eating...

Pineapple to make your cum taste good? Your secretions have a taste. It's based on what you eat. If you eat fast food all the time, like the porn stars, I think I saw a bang about something like that, said, guys who eat fast food all the time, their cum tastes terrible. You know, I like the, what is it, the mangoes. They have like the mango, bags of mangoes. I'm a big mango guy.

You got a mango cum? Oh, yeah. Big time mango cum. Big time mango cum. A little citrus cum? Oh, yeah. Big time mango cum. Big time mango cum. A little citrus cum? Yeah. It's fantastic. And first of all, it's a delicious treat.

Just anyway, the mangoes. I looked it up here. Not the cum. Chlorophyll. Cum, not a great treat. I want to clear that up real quick. Chlorophyll has the power to regenerate our bodies at the molecular and cellular level. It helps cleanse the body, fight infections,

helps heal wounds, promote the health of the circulatory, digestive, and immune systems, and make your pussy taste like cake. Oh yeah, it's true. It's true.

It sounds like you can do a bunch of shit. I don't know about make your pussy taste like cupcake. I just googled chlorophyll vagina, which is like,

didn't think that was going to be in my search history and there's all sorts of results. There's a YouTube video here and it says how to cure your smelly vagina with chlorophyll. Yeah, I knew it was real. I was right. You were right.

I would have said that this, I thought this was a guy that is fucking with a bunch of girls. Be like, what else? What else do you think we can get him to eat? I'm sure it's real. I think I don't really. Yeah. If you have a problem, I guess do this.

But I'm fine with the way vaginas taste. The pennies? Yeah. I mean, I don't think I'm not. I'm not down there being like this tastes like a penny. I did put a penny in my mouth. No. I actually wish – if I wish we could recreate it because there was one time we were at dinner. It was me, Chaps, Keith.

The fat Chaps picture. Yeah. So we were at that dinner and we were talking about it. And I said, that's just something people say. And then Chaps was like, here, smell this. And he gave me a penny out of his pocket. I don't know why he had a penny on his pocket, but he did. He gave me a penny out of his pocket and I smelled it.

And it was, I might even put it in my mouth. I forget what it was. Yeah. But it was, first of all, it was warm. She had been in his pocket. And I was immediately like, holy shit! It was spot on. It is.

Pussy is pennies. Pennies is pussy. But when I'm, I'm never thinking about that when I'm down there. I'm never like, oh, this tastes like change. This tastes like couch change. Well, I mean, it's not like it's on my mind, but it's like I get down there and it's like, yep. Still tastes like pussy. Still tastes like pennies.

And then I go about my business. But, I mean, facts are facts. If you have an unhealthy vagina, I'd give this a whack, sure. But I think if you're just regular you. See, that's the thing. I don't like artificial flavoring. Not me. You just want to go, you want it all natural.

Yeah. You like the bush, too. You sick fuck. John's such a sick fuck. I don't like the bush. You like the bush. I say that bush is, I mean, it's facts are facts. First of all, let's clarify. Bush's such a sick fuck. I don't like the Bush. You like the Bush. I say that Bush is, it's facts are facts.

First of all, let's clarify. Bush means nothing below the cliff. This isn't fucking. Nothing below the cliff. The way you said that was hilarious. This isn't fucking medieval times. I mean,

you know, yeah, a nice pizza slice, sure. Right. But the. Yeah, they call it the landing strip

because like it ends, you know, and then the plane takes off and it should be, it should be smooth sailing after the landing strip ends. But I feel like if a girl has a problem, listen, you could tell if a girl is self-conscious about that or has had a bad encounter, you could tell her a spoonful of bleach will clean that up, and she's going to try it. But apparently chlorophyll. Who knew? I it so uh but apparently chlorophyll who knew i still don't understand what chlorophyll means i thought that what are you eating like plant

leaves how can you like anything any pill is yeah you just like mash it up and put it in a pill you grind it to dust put in the pill eat it girl people do that with their goddamn fucking placentas oh yeah that's disgusting if you eat your placenta you should be locked up we should uh buried their placenta in the backyard yeah that's that's weird too those people that's disgusting if you eat your placenta you should be locked up we should I have a family friend who buried their placenta in the backyard yeah that's weird too those people that's basically like

I think you're almost like a murderer it's strange you know it's like you're burying like body parts in your backyard I remember my mom

it was my mom's friend and she told me about it when I was young and it was actually really nice of her to tell me because I was like oh great

I don't need to bother becoming friendly with their children stay away from that fucking backyard. It's definitely haunted. Dogs out there digging it up and shit. I need someone to report back. There are some KFC radio couples out there.

I know they listen together, and the guy got the girl into it. The girl got the guy into it. I need a little before and after. I need you to go eat your girlfriend's pussy. Take note of what it tastes like. Eat some chlorophyll. Report back. It can't be immediate, I'm sure. No, it's got to take a little while.

I think it's pretty immediate with... If it's whatever's in your system, it's got to just be from that point. I mean, I'm sure it's not in five minutes. But you've got to keep it controlled. Don't go eating pineapple the same day you're doing your chlorophyll. Basically, eat nothing but chlorophyll and eat some pussy. And let me know if it tastes like a cupcake.

You never know what shows you're going to see. Hey KFC, hi Superdusher BC. I just got a situation that I just got to do outside of Dunkin' Donuts. I also just bought this homeless guy a donut and he stopped me completely to make sure that I got a fresh one. He was like, please make sure

it's fresh. And it kind of took me off guard. And is it wrong of me to be offended that there's homeless people that I offered to buy a donut for? Asked me to make sure it was fresh? He's a little ridiculous to me. But maybe I'm just insensitive to the homeless. Who knows? Well, I mean, I'm certainly insensitive to the homeless people.

But this is absolutely an outlandish request. A fresh donut? Yeah. Nah. If you're homeless? Yeah. I mean, the phrase is literally beggars can't be choosers. Don't care.

He is a beggar. He does not get to choose. Granted, if someone asked me this, I'd laugh and say, yeah, I'm just going to ask for a donut. I'm not going to say make it a fresh one. Also, I mean, I don't do that for myself. If I go to Dunkin' Donuts and I order a donut and it's like one of the stale ones that's been out for a few hours, I don't even return that for me. No, no, you don't return donuts. Mitch Hedberg, once you buy a donut, that's the end of that transaction.

I'm not returning this. I am not going to make sure that the homeless man's donut. I'm not buying the homeless man a donut. I'm not giving the homeless anything. But if I somehow get caught up in this, I am not going to make sure that the homeless man's donut... I'm not buying the homeless man a donut. I'm not giving the homeless anything. But if I somehow get caught up in this, I am not making sure he has a fresh donut. I thought about that recently. I think I was walking home after probably one of the Red Sox games, maybe Sunday night after electric chair. It's probably 2 in the morning because we had shit to do afterwards.

And there was just a guy asleep. For some reason, that time, you see so many, but the streets were empty that night. I was like, God, this really sucks. He was asleep. I didn't want to wake him up. I was thinking, I wish I could do something. It's one of those

things where it's... Listen, good for you, and I wish I was like you. I think I have just been around the homeless too long. They don't faze me one bit. When the streets are flooded with people, it's one thing. But when you see a solitary homeless man. When it's brick out, when it's really cold in the winter, I'll have a moment where I'm

sitting under my three or four blankets and my Sherpa hoodie. I'm all comfortable drinking hot cocoa. And I think, man, if I was just stuck outside right now, I would just kill myself. That would stink. So it hit my brain then. But John, the other day I was walking to work. I also noticed a lot of the homeless people I see on the way to work aren't even asking for money.

They're just hanging. John, I walked by a homeless guy the other day. He had a pair of Jordan 6s on. He had a pair of black and gold 6s on that were in pretty good shape. I was like, those are real. I mean, I almost put him on my goddamn Kicks in the Office Instagram.

He's homeless. Do you know if he was homeless, though? Because didn't Braids have an apartment? What? Remember Braids? Well, yeah. He had an apartment? This guy was homeless, though.

He was, like, laying on the street. Braids was an infamous beggar on Fordham Road outside of Fordham. He, you gave him the White Castle. That's much like the donut. You gave him the White Castle. That's much like the donut. My brother gave him White Castle. He said, that's bad for your cholesterol, man. He said, you're homeless. I left here the other day with a bag of popcorn.

And I offered it to the homeless guy, and he told me to keep walking. Listen, if I was homeless and someone offered me a bag of popcorn, I'd probably say the same thing. Popcorn is literally like... Six cents. Yeah, it's free. It's like pebbles that just pop open and you eat them.

That shit is fake food. Very filling, though. Donuts, you get what you fucking get, man. I once had a girlfriend who basically just ate popcorn. Because it's so filling. And I guess it keeps you skinny. Yeah. I don't know.

It wasn't moving. Yeah, that's called an eating disorder. But whatever. It's just like, I eat popcorn. That's it. Good for you. I kind of like that brand. That's what I do.

It's who I am. What's up, KFC, Fight, Super Producer BC, Logan? Just wanted to get your thoughts on this story. Went to a party this weekend and, you know, started hitting it off with this girl. After the party, she, you know, brought me back to her place. Walk in, immediately, it's a sorority house. So there's girls everywhere, and she, you know, the fucking big, the little. And, you know, all the girls are like, oh, you're gonna fuck.

So immediately I'm thinking, this girl, huge slut, super hot though, didn't bother me. Go down to her room. We end up having sex. While we're having sex, she looks me dead in the eyes and goes, if you come in me, I'm keeping it.

So immediately, I, you know, I didn't know what to do. I don't know if I liked it or I didn't like it. Didn't come in there. But then after, I'm trying to get an Uber home. My fucking Uber app's not working. So I'm sitting there for 40 minutes while this girl is talking about Zodiac sign, rising sign, setting sign.

I had no idea what was going on. I was just going along with it, trying to get home. Ended up just walking out and sitting in the rain for 40 minutes to wait for a cab. Let me know your thoughts. I wholeheartedly agree with this guy on every level. Everything here.

You walk into a sorority house and everyone's like, oh, you're going to fuck! Those are some hoochies. But then you definitely have sex with her. You definitely don't comment her And then when it's time to get the hell out of there And the Uber's not coming You just go sit in the rain

I would do everything this guy just did I would be so intimidated Just walking into the swerve house I've talked about it with shitting before Where I just want to be My life goal is to have another house Next to my house Whole shit house

It's just one The whole bathroom It's not all of its space It's just one bathroom You want to have a sex house too? Is. Whole shit house. It's not all a little bit of space. It's just one bathroom. You want to have a sex house too? Is that what you're about to say? Kind of. Where I get very nervous when I know people can hear me. My goal really in life

is to be the only person left on the planet. Just because things are easier that way. And I don't want to be self-conscious about everything. We kind of talked about it the other day. Suicide is so much easier. talked about like be the only person not on the planet my options are suicide or genocide the uh the uh but we talked about what we were doing after the socks came in in boston and i mentioned that nardini texted me she could hear me and that must have been weird

and it was I was just worried from then on when she could hear me having sex yeah John was back in a hotel room and it's she could hear him podcasting I wonder what else she could hear and I was not to be fair when we podcast we are loud as shit

you're a much better podcaster than you are a fucker so maybe she couldn't hear you at all. I'm sure she couldn't. But it was on my mind. So if I was in a packed sorority house where everyone's running around, I would think, ah, shit, people can hear me here.

Yep. But also they're probably trying to hear you. They got the fucking ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no Greek life for them, so I don't have any experience with sororities. But packs of chicks who are just openly like, we fuck, like guys are. That's so weird to me.

It's super weird. So like chicks just being like, oh, you're going to suck that dick tonight? It's like, whoa, that's weird. So that would definitely throw me for a loop. Bunch of chicks being like, fuck her, like put it in her butt. Like you are scaring me. Have some respect for your friend. I'm going to go make love to your friend.

This is going to be a monogamous relationship. Thank you very much. I proposed beforehand just out of spite. No, we're not, as a matter of fact. You think she's a little slut? I'm turning this hoe into a housewife. But let me tell you something, girls. I don't know if that was well thought out.

Like, if you come in me actually I mean maybe so that actually never mind I just changed my mind as I thought that through that's a girl who's like I ain't gonna deal with this and that's the fucking surefire way to make sure it happens that's the best contraception I've ever heard also I

think she's probably you know lying through her teeth but I think she's like I'm gonna make sure you don't come with me I have I have a twisted sense of carnal love. You don't say. But I think, I hear this and I immediately think she was just joking. She was having fun. She was making sex fun. Sex fun.

Make sex fun again. John's always been all about the fucking giggles and the laughs during sex. I sure am. Someone said to me, I'd be like... And then it would be a rollover and we'd start planning our life. So weird. Like, oh, yeah, we name it Timmy. I don't know.

I don't know what's wrong with me. He's so weird. I don't know what's wrong with me. He's got so many issues. I'm sorry. That's one of those ones where it's like, can we rewind that one? Put the words back in my mouth on that one. It's what I would do.

I'm sorry. It's like you're just bound by the podcasting laws of honesty where you had to be truthful there, and you just shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have been. You just shouldn't have been. There was so much wrong with me. Next up. What's up, boys? First time, short time.

So I got this friend, we'll call him Steve, and he's got this ridiculous move. He tells girls he's going to set them up on a blind date and then he's the one who shows up. And I can't decide if this is a total psycho move or a genius idea. That's awesome.

It's awesome. Thanks. It's a 10 out of 10. 10. 100 out of 10. It's a 10 out of 10. That might be better than my first date move. Yeah, that's up there.

That's up there. That's fucking A plus stuff. Well, you know why? Because the level of confusion into hopefully laughter into like i gotta tell my friends about this if it all goes well like like the first you do that kevin you own real estate in her head yeah it's true story it's true i mean can you imagine like so the girl is like walking into the place you know like all right i all right, I'm going to meet my blind date. And then it's the guy who said it, and she's just, I mean,

her brain short circuits in that moment. She's just like, what? What's happening? Wait, what is going on here? And then he's just like, surprise, it's fucking me. I think that they're so, the whole game, I mean, everybody knows every trick, right? Everybody knows every line, everything.

So you're just another lemming, another face in the crowd who's spitting the same game. That is so, like, she's off tilt now. It's like, you might as well just bang her right then and there. I think it's fantastic. I think the whole thing, everything is about standing out. Right, right. I'm not saying it's like smooth and seamless. There's this. It's not going to be like smooth and seamless. There's definitely going to be a moment of like, what the fuck is happening here?

But it's something that she's never encountered and may never encounter again. Yeah. The name of the game is Be Interesting. Yes. This is interesting. Right. 30 years I've never heard anything like this. But like, but here's the thing.

I would love to hear from this guy because I need to know he has like a line, you know, like when they're saying what the fuck is going on he's got some explanation there that has to work I don't think you can have an explanation not like you just like a you know even if it's just like it's me

or just the way he follows up with to make her understand like it's you're going on a date with me see I wouldn't do that. You have to. No, I just introduced myself. Hey, I'm John. No, no, no, no.

Look at you. You're all fucking flushed right now. Well, then it's like, okay, so you say you're John. It's like, John, what are you talking about? I thought you were setting me up with a blind date. Yeah, no, I'm here. Just keep powering through. No, it's me.

It's like just deny, deny, deny. It's me. What's up, little John? Really? That's all I had to say in the first place. But I think the difficulty here is just convincing someone in the 21st century to go on a blind date. Yeah, like someone in 2018. Well, these hoes are desperate.

That's the thing. I think it's hard to... I mean, I wouldn't go on a blind date. Never. You're these hoes are desperate. That's the thing. I think, I think it's hard to, I mean, I wouldn't go on a blind date. Never. You're not desperate though. If some rocket was trying to get me to go like trick me onto this, she was,

come on, you're going to love her. She's beautiful. I'd say no. Thank you. Yeah. Well, I mean,

if a girl is setting you up on a blind date, that girl is disgusting. Yeah, but she's cute. She's funny. Oh, she's fat and single. That's,

that's what's up there. And a guy said, how would you sell me on a blind date? Meaning what? Like, Oh, like if I wanted to set you up on a blind date, uh,

I mean, I would be like, she's like, uh, no, no, no. You're pitching me to a girl.

Oh, oh, uh, I would say he's a, uh, a, uh, a,

a hopeless romantic. He's the most romantic guy I know. Nah, I'm not getting it. Not getting that date. How would you pitch me? You'd be like, go read this article in the Daily Mail. What do you think about daddies? He's daddy twice.

Twice. You know what? I probably would just do it like that. He's a daddy. I mean it very literally. You know what? To go back to the last girl, you should be like, definitely don't let him come in you. Because that shit is bad in a thousand.

You know what? Imagine that. That's some carnal shit if you were just like, I'm going to set you up with my friend. He's fucking fertile as shit. I feel like there'd be some part of her that'd be like, yes, I must date him. I think to pitch me, you kind of have to do. You don't think the romantic thing plays? Nah.

What if I said he's a maladjusted romantic? That's better. Yeah. That's better. Like he better. He's got all sorts of issues. Yeah. What if I was like I was like, yo I'm gonna set you up on a date with my friend John. His parents left

him alone on Christmas when he was seven. He was afraid to dress up in Halloween costumes because he's got identity issues. Yeah. I gotta meet this person. He comes on his own belly a lot. And he's a romantic.

I think it's one of those things kind of like a house, right? You're a real estate agent. Continue, okay. You're a real estate agent. I'm a house that could be nice. You're a fixer-upper. I'm a big fixer-upper.

Oh, and girls love projects. And you say, look, if you invest just a little bit of time in this house, in one year, every other house is going to say, how did this house become the nicest house on the block? Honestly, that's like you are the definition of buying low. Be like, you're going to get this guy, this house, on the cheap. He is so below market value because his exterior and his interior is a wreck. But if you put a little bit of work into it.

Both can be. It's stunning. It's got the foundation of something that could be something. And if you fix his interior, he'll fix his exterior. Right. And then you will have the full package. The market value, he'll start out way below, and you'll be able to sell way high. Yeah.

You don't want to buy the nicest house on the block. And guess what? This is Hill House right here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's all sorts of haunted. But Hill House, that was a nice fucking house. It was beautiful.

Had its demons. Had its demons. If you can exercise those demons, and if he can exercise a little bit, you got yourself a beautiful piece of property. That is right. Right. I'm going on a fucking blind date with myself now. That's how,

that's how we pitching John. He's a haunted house that needs a lot of work. Tell me again. No, honestly. Legitimately, if I told that to a girl, I think she'd be like, okay. Haunted houses are exciting. Oh yeah. No, honestly. Legitimately, if I told that to a girl, I think she'd be like, okay.

Haunted houses are exciting. Oh, yeah. They're fun. They keep you on your toes. A little bit of danger. A little bit of story. Do it for the story. I might go as Halloween tonight just as Hill House.

It would be me. I don't have to dress up. I'm John Feidelberg. Hello, I'm Hill House. People should be Feidelberg for Halloween. And just walk around and be like, I have anxiety. Oh man, imagine if someone was walking around with your weighted blanket. Imagine if someone just had a weighted blanket and a lip in.

And you're like, I'm John, I have anxiety. Want to fuck? Last voicemail of the day before we get into Matt Eisman. Last voicemail is brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. You want to look good, you want to feel to you by Dollar Shave Club. You want to look good. You want to feel good. You want to smell good. You want to shower right, shave right. You want to moisturize

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Toothpaste. I got to get on this because I guess what? I always forget toothpaste. I always forget soap. I'm using shampoo with soap like a week now. That's fine. That's all the same stuff with toothpaste you need. You need toothpaste, John.

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You get the oral care kit or the Dollar Shave Starter Set, all for $5 when you go to dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. It's dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. By the way, what's up? KFC, Fights, Super Producer BC. First time, long time. Quick question for you. If you could take one kid's movie or generally a clean movie and you're allowed one F-bomb,

the rating's been up to PG-13, you're able to put one F-bomb into any G-rated or kid's movie, what movie are you putting it in and what scene? Great question. I'm going to tell you flat out right now. I'm going to need some more time to think about this. This is an impossible question. God, this is... This fucking show. I...

Do it, John. I don't know many kids' movies. Your childhood is so bad. It feels like... I'm going to go back to how I'm pitching you to the girls and be like, he never even watched a cartoon movie. It feels like I'm piling on at this point. I understand that.

Life's been piling on you for 30 years. But genuinely, I don't really have... I can't tell you... He's struggling right now, folks. What's your favorite Disney movie? It honestly feels like I'm laying it on thick. What's your favorite Disney movie? Aladdin. Okay, I'm laying it on thick. What's your favorite Disney movie? Aladdin.

Okay, that's good. I'm happy you had an answer. I saw these movies. I just don't remember them. I mean, I know the general premise, but I can't tell you a specific scene. It's crazy. I can tell you the songs I remember.

What's your favorite Disney song? Can't Wait to be King Great one, great choice That's my number two Under the Sea Under the Sea Darling it's better down where it's wet Take it from me

That's just a good song That's not like my favorite Disney song That's just my favorite song That's a good song. That's not like, oh, that's my favorite Disney song. That's just like my favorite song. That's a good song. Yeah. I remember Can't Wait to be King from the video game more so than the movie. Yeah, that was good too. That was good.

We were bouncing all the draft necks and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See those? You have these memories. You're good. I just don't have, I have a bad memory. It's not specific to children's movies. It's specific to anything before last week.

Yeah, well, your brain is broken. You don't have a brain that really works. I really can't. Can you think of one scene where you would put something like this? Well, you know, I'm trying to think of where the funniest fuck would be. So is that like, you know, like a father talking to a son or a guy talking to a girl or something like that? Like, fuck you in the right Disney moment, I think could be good, but you gotta, I mean, that's why I gotta give it some thought.

I gotta, I gotta, or, or like, uh, like when there's some sort of, you know, like Jasmine's talking to Aladdin, if he was like, I don't know, fuck you or something like that, you don't get it. You get to add up. You just get to add fuck. Right. Yeah. So like, you gotta gotta you gotta find the

right conversation yeah yeah but that's what i mean like like uh you gotta we gotta i gotta give some thought i gotta think of who who i think you have to start with the who what about what about um when scar yeah so is that mufasa mufasa just falling just falling. Fuck! Like in a very like, in a very like, damn it sort of way. Like I'm dead. Fuck. Maybe,

maybe an Aladdin genie. Rob Williams dropping a fuck in the right spot, I think would be, would be entertaining. Like when he gets out and he's got his, his, his sore neck. When he's like 10,000 years,

we'll give you such a crick in the neck. If he was just like, fuck my neck. Well, I'm going to give this some deep thought. We'll figure something out for you. And you get to drop one fuck into any child's movie ever. I'm surprised. Let's make it you can drop a phrase because fuck is harder.

Fuck you need to know the exact dialogue. Right, right, right, right. Okay. Yeah, you get to write one line of dialogue with an F-bomb in it for any of your favorite cartoons or Disney movies ever. Get at us on Twitter, at KFC Radio. We will break it down a little further on next episode. And right now we're going to wrap up today with an interview with our guy Matt Iceman. Which, if you'll notice, was recorded about a week or two ago because he had just come

from Megyn Kelly. Yeah. And she's not around anymore. Right. He was boys with Megyn. Shout out Megyn Kelly, by the way. Told NBC she'll sign an NDA for $10 million. $72 wasn't enough.

$69 wasn't enough. Secure the band. I'll get you $10 million. I'll shut my fucking mouth. I'm real. I honestly feel like you could make more money than $10 million, though, by blabbing. You think so? Because that's all Bud's work.

Oh, it depends. You have to write a book, and you got to do a lot of stuff. It also depends on what went on. If there's some dirt, you know? I'll take $10 million no work rather than $15 with work. Yeah, but what if it's $25 with work? $10 million no work. $50.

$50, I think, is where you got to start thinking about it. Yeah, you think about it for sure. Because it's also like you don't have to do that much work. You can just be like, I'm going to air out your details. Fuck you. Someone goes to write this, I'll tell you what to do. Right, yeah, exactly. 100%.

Iceman's brought to you what to do. Right. Yeah, exactly. 100%. Iceman's brought to you by Stitch Fix. You want to simplify your life? You want to talk about no work, John? Stitch Fix. It's personal style delivered right to your door. They find and deliver clothes, shoes, accessories that fit your body,

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And so you can get started right now at stitchfix.com slash KFC. And you get an extra 25% off all the items you keep in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash KFC to get started today. All right, let's get into it. KFC Radio, we are now joined by Matt Eisman, who is a, he's, you're everything. You're a doctor, you're a comedian, American Ninja Warrior. You had that smile right away. That's it, right?

Yeah, doctor. Lead with the doctor. That's what I tell the ladies. Listen, I mean, you know Ken Jeong, okay? As far as doctors turned. He's my nemesis. Everything I do, he's done it. And done it bigger and better. I was doing comedy before him.

So he's a cardiologist at Kaiser in the Valley. He was doing stand-up, but he was on the down low. And so he hired me to come speak to his group and do a medical talk. He's like, the caveat is you can't tell him I'm a comedian because I want to maintain my respect. Cut to the hangover when he jumps out with his little dr ken hanging out like you're hanging your dick out there and you're telling me you're worried about this becomes a movie star has his own sitcom and i'm toiling away in the the bowels of reality television he was when we first had him on kevin they kind of explaining about the keeping respect thing and because

kevin started as an accountant and he was on the down low as well and kevin was like yeah i kind of did something similar like i was an accountant and kendis goes not the fucking not the fucking same thing not even the same thing my highlight of kfc radio yeah he goes fucking asshole dr ken just putting in your place listen you can you can tabulate my returns on my my my cardiology practice yeah it's it's i I think, though, it gives you such an appreciation for what we get to do. Oh, yeah. When you go from a real job, a 9-to-5 job. Never done it.

He's never done it. Never done it. So you don't understand. And, I mean, I think that's one of the advantages I had when I got into entertainment was having come from something where it was truly life and death and where you felt this stress and this this shoulder this responsibility of of what a real job is and what real responsibility is and to leave that and be able to do entertainment and then make a living where i always tell people like what we do is not work the job is getting a job and if you've been lucky enough to work you won't appreciate this you. You need to be fired. Working as a bartender. You know what they need to do?

One of those undercover boss things. We send him out for a week and he works a shitty job. He comes back and quits both jobs. I always remember that. I do stand-up comedy and I always think about that. When I'm working, I heard Jay Moore say this once and he said it so perfectly. Some poor slub's

been working at NAP Auto Parts for 10 hours a day, five, six days a week, and he spends his hard-earned money to come out here and be entertained. So I'm going to work my ass off to entertain you because that's my job. And you've given me your time and money. And to have that appreciation of, like, people have, you know, especially with Barstool, when you think of the options people have now with podcasts and TV. This is the golden era of entertainment. But for you guys to stand out and be growing,

you guys are one of the rare, like, growing candles as everything else is getting dimmer. And we're seeing this on broadcast TV. It's in panic mode as the numbers on everything are dropping and they're like, the future is creating your own content and, more importantly, creating your own fan base. Yeah, I mean, it's not easy. It's hard.

It's, you know, No, it's the hardest thing to do. That's the thing is finding that line where, you know, I'm not complaining about the job. I'm not,

because I have seen what a real shitty job can be. I'm just complaining about life. But also, yeah, I'm complaining about life in general. My job is to complain about life so I can handle both. What is the job?

There's always this difference though. I heard you guys bitching about jeans versus sweatpants. Which, by the way, That was hard, Matt. Here it is. What is the job? I heard you guys bitching about jeans versus sweatpants. Which, by the way, this is the solution. Kit and Ace. This is like from Lululemon. These are guys, the stretchiest pants because I'm not a small individual. So anything tight, I feel like I'm being suffocated.

You came in here with the blue ensemble, the blue blazer. I was just hanging out with Megyn Kelly. Last time you were talking to Megyn Kelly, you were defending the wall hardcore. It was after Portnoy told Rhea she was going to be ugly in five years. Megyn Kelly and actually, I think Kelly was, she wasn't too hard on us. She was more understanding than expected. But there was a lot of, you know, we're misogynistic. We're shaming our female employees, yada, yada. you went on megan kelly shows on some real ass television and you

were like not that bad not that bad here was my problem nobody listened to what what el presidente actually said right everybody reacted to ria's reaction and really everybody reacted to an article written about her reaction and that's one of the things that drives me nuts in this knee-jerk reaction culture is listen to what was said and try to give it some context. Nobody allows for context anymore. And when you listen to Dave, it wasn't just Rhea. It was the boyfriend as well. And he's like, this ages you. This horrible place.

This evil nature that we've created of ball busting will age you. And when you look at Rhea, you're like, nah, I think in five years she's still going to be doing okay. El Presidente, on the other hand, his best years are behind him. And to me, again, though, what drives me crazy is the reason you, and this was the point I made that actually, and I

got emails about this, where I said, they're reacting to the PC culture. And there was just a study that came out that said the majority of Americans dislike this PC culture. And when you turn on ESPN or any traditional sports, they're very limited as to what they can say. And so people want authenticity. They want people who are speaking their minds. And that's why I think you guys are doing well is because it's not bullshit. You guys are sitting here saying what's honestly on your minds, giving real reactions. And that's harder and harder to do, particularly when you're

beholden to higher powers and sponsors, because sponsors are skittish, and what's crazy to me is when they really look at it, and they're like, there's an outrage mob on Twitter. Go look at that. Four people tweeted it. A cumulative reach of 30 followers, and until an article was written highlighting

those tweets, nobody knew about it. And what I would just love is if a brand would just say, go fuck yourself. And we're standing by our talent. We're pretty fucking close. We're pretty much there. You guys have that. And that's one of those things of, you know, and that's the fine line you walk as you get bigger. And I know you guys just put that out where you were saying something about a sponsor got skittish and you made a T-shirt push.

And I ordered two shirts. And I'm like, I don't need shirts. But what I need, what every single person who makes a living with words needs to do is support places like Barstool or Compound or Gas Digital. By the way, thank you for buying the shirt because you are truly through and through supporting the cause. But the people who probably should be supporting the most are the ones like throwing shots. It's all the other people who are writing, putting content out, putting their opinions out, who are like, fuck these guys who are speaking their mind.

And I'm like, one day it's coming for you. It's us. It is. And eventually it's going to come for your little tabloid or whatever the fuck it is. You want to invoke World War II, but it's like first they came for the Jews and I said nothing. And it's that thing of if you don't and you see it like even with Amy Schumer

how she got backlash over I feel pretty or snatched for being politically incorrect or some of her things and it's like eventually it consumes itself. This mob outrage, this virtue signal. They all turn on each other. I can never understand if I'm a good person or if I'm so disconnected.

Horrible. You're terrible. Because we talk about not being scared. I've never once for a second considered not saying something. But I also don't think I've gotten, like me personally, Barstool as a whole has, I don't think I've ever gotten that much backlash for anything. Well, I think you don't say as stupid things as some of us. I'm a smart person.

Yeah. Okay. Well, we finally settled the debate who's the smart one no i'm just the tough one i'm the cool one who says whatever i want online okay i mean you know i like it's very funny when whenever these hit pieces come out now they just throw my tweets in there like it's no context just like boom not even the hit piece is not even talking about me it's like and then dave said this and then there's a break in the page and it's just like a tweet about a Jewish joke I made.

And I'm like, that doesn't even make any sense. But context is like everything here. Everything. And they don't ever. And comedic. And nobody looks at you and says, well, what do you believe? Or what do you actually stand for? And it shouldn't even come down to that.

Like right now, they're going on about Elizabeth Warren and her bona fides is whether she's actually native american and so this is one of the things i talk about is is that i i did a 23 and me and i'm 26 percent jewish now obviously my last name is a little jewish sounding and it does have jewish origins but you might not know it so if i went on on stage and made a Jewish joke and people are, are, you know, like, how dare you be anti-Semitic?

It's like, no, let me show you my papers. I'm like, how will, you know, how 1940 is that? Papers,

please. Can you make this joke? Is your heritage in there? And it's, to me, it's South Park, either everything's fair game or nothing is fair game. And I just wish people,

look, nobody wants to be insensitive or run around hurting people, but the idea of the way I think we show affection often is by busting balls. And I just, if people feel like they're too, you can't make fun of

somebody because it hurts them, then it's like, now you're actually saying they're weaker. They're less than because they can't handle a joke. I mean, my theory has always been everybody can get it. I'll make fun of the Italians. I'll make fun of the Jews. I'll make fun of the Irish.

I'll make fun of everybody. So it's almost the same way as everything or nothing. If I'm making fun of all of you, I'm not prejudiced at all. And make fun of me. I'm an easy target. I'm actually, I prefer myself to be the butt of the show. Yeah. Whether I'm telling it or not, I prefer I'm the one who looks at the asshole. Look, my comedy is very clean.

I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy. I don't want to be offensive. I always picture my mom in the crowd. I'm not doing anything edgy. So it's not like this is me protecting my future as a comedian. It's just saying I think that in general we're much better served

having the marketplace of ideas and just debate it. Don't censor people. Let them market it. If people don't like what you're saying, then they won't pay to listen to it. But if they do, don't take it away from other people just because you don't like it. Do you make a conscious effort to stay clean? I kind of did initially starting out. It was just... Like business-wise?

I mean, who were we talking to recently? A little bit business. We had Jeff Foxworthy on and he was like, he's like i decided i brought i want to go up to walmart rather than like dive bars and like pretty and he made you know like 250 million dollars so good on you jeff but to me i like to say fuck a lot and i know i'm not gonna well i actually think it's much harder and much more impressive to do clean comedy like yourself like a jim gaffigan who could do these stand-ups and you know he's talking about hot pockets whereas i've got a i need a crutch of like do clean comedy like yourself, like a Jim Gaffigan who could do these stand-ups. Oh, Gaffigan or Brian Regan. You know, he'd sell out a fucking – all of it. And, you know, he's talking about Hot Pockets, whereas I've got a – I need a crutch of, like, sex and curse words and, you know, inflammatory shit.

I don't look at it as a crutch. I always think of it as just being authentic to yourself. And I think because I was brought up by a mom who was unbelievably supportive but also kind of from a small town in Nebraska, and I just think – I always felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of, look, you know, here, because I know my mom's not going to listen. Sorry, guys. But, you know, I'll say fuck.

But on stage, I always feel like I just, I'm more comfortable trying to be a little bit clean. And certainly there is a business element, particularly because the majority of shows I've done have been things like American Ninja Warrior, The Hallmark Channel, or a home makeover show, where it very much plays to middle America. Oh, yeah. You know, but then Bob Saget is the famous story

of he was doing Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos and people would come out and he'd go, my daughter's got a filthy cunt. What? And so, you know, that's who Saget is. That, like, revelation. When everybody finds out for the first time that Danny Tanner is, like is a wild pervert.

I suck dick for coke. But he was that before they hired him. Right, right. And so he's like, look, and I don't think there's anything wrong. Be who you are. It just happens to be. I think I'm a little more comfortable. I cringe.

I tried doing a roast and I sucked. Roast sucks. Being mean to somebody. It was Dennis Rodman, and I'm like, I'm trying to be mean to somebody who I don't even know, who's clearly got mental issues. Who's also, well, you're a big guy, too, but fucking Dennis Rodman's a monster, you know? Crush me. But the idea of, I just couldn't say it to somebody's, like, my friends ate bus balls,

because that's one of the things with roasts that I think is missing, is you watch the old roasts and it's the Rat Pack and, you know, Frank busting it on Sammy, you know, at the end of the day, these guys are going to go home arm in arm, have a drink, and be friends. I get really uncomfortable when I watch a roast where you're like, these people don't know each other. And they don't like it. And they're going hard. They're taking it personal, yeah.

They're taking hard shots. And to me, that's not what's funny. I much prefer, like, you know, you guys busting it on each other where you know, hey, this is because we're friends here. A couple of us here. Or at least you know each other. You know where it's coming from. I think that's

kind of why we even try and have something like a friendly report with our audience. It's fine to bust balls on Twitter with strangers. Trying to keep in that, we're all pretty friendly here. Because it is. I can't watch a roast. I get it.

I want to crawl out of my skin. Oh, my God. It's so uncomfortable. It's the worst. Yeah, it really is. Even with Ann Coulter, who's not someone. She's ready to talk to me. You don't even like Ann Coulter.

You're happy to laugh at her. But even that was like, oh, my God. She's got a horse. It's like, Jesus Christ, dude. She's right there. She can hear you. She's right there. And again, the thing of You don't

You don't get the sense That it's a joke You get the sense like I'm really trying to Hurt your feelings Exactly And they're saying things That it's like

It's very well known That you know You're ugly Or you said this You do that It's like they are going Right for the kill This is your weak point

We're gonna keep pushing this button But it is also Unlike anything else in comedy Where it's like I mean you're not going to get that anywhere else. You know you're going to hear someone really prey upon their worst insecurity. And these roast battles are blowing up and people love it.

And again, some of them I enjoy watching. I just can't do them. The roast battles, they have like the lip sync battle now too. Everything's about speaking to each other. Speaking of lip sync battle, I got to do it. Are you in on it? in 2019 Akbar and I go head to head

did you work with our guy Roan? uh Roan Roan like wrote for them before yeah I guess I guess he had to stop they probably wrote for LL and them

they don't do anything with us got it LL Cool J by the way that dude is ageless like I was telling him he doesn't really get that you guys are younger than I am but when I was in high school

like I remember I need love and going back to Cali, and he looks the same. Same exacted. I do not. He's shocked. He's shocked. He's still, like, he's raking it.

He's on, what, CBS? He's on, uh. Yeah, and CBS. He's got CBS money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, when you get on that network TV money, man, that's tough. Scripted. Unscripted, not so much.

Not so much. Have you done that? Have you done that? Have you done that? Have you done that? Have you done that? Have you done the course? You look like a guy who could.

Yeah, so I broke my left foot two years ago, and I broke my ankle this season trying it, and they're like, why? Why are you doing this? You're way too old. I'm in their camp. I say that about guys here. They'll come back from softball, and they're like,

ah, and I tore my ACL. I'm like, what are you doing playing softball still? You're 30. Relax. Softball's awful because you just sit around and then it's periodic movements of explosion. The burst. Where Achilles, hammies, or shoulders. Didi Gregorius is going in for Tommy John. That's right.

What's your chance? Right. What is your chance of doing it? Yeah. No, you got to know your limitations as you get older. Or PEDs. Get on PEDs. I hope we all should be on PEDs.

I totally agree. Like, why don't we all have a prescription for HGH? Low dose, absolutely. I took PEDs a long time ago. And I'll tell you what. Clearly. They're the best things ever. I took like one pill and I was like,

I feel like I'm made of stone right now. This is amazing. They came over from Russia. We got them mailed to the office because we... Oh, I'm sure they were healthy. It wasn't just radioactive juice from Chernobyl. Lou and I were like, we'll just get them shipped to the office, and that way we didn't put our name on it.

We just put Barcelona Sports. In case the feds come with them, we'll just— We'll see if the feds come. We'll be like, oh, that wasn't us. Well, good thing there's no evidence now. Oh, this was back in the Milton days. Statute of limitations is that over?

The American Ninja Warrior shit is wild like I can't believe there's any human on the planet who can do it at all. Let alone like how fast can you do it? The great thing is it's for not you know so many of the people are non-traditional athletes so people who didn't fit in in baseball, football or basketball or you know, so many of the people are non-traditional athletes. So people who didn't fit in in baseball,

football, or basketball, or, or, you know, hockey. I love hockey. I think hockey is some of the best athletes I've ever seen. All my roommates in college were hockey mutts.

They all had great hair, would have one beer that means a thousand beers, and they're getting naked and fighting. I love hockey. That is hockey players. And still like no tooth having, drinking, down to earth people. But with Ninja, you see these people who were like five, seven, 150 pounds, didn't play a sport.

But all of a sudden they found this thing that that caters to their particular athletic skill set. And the great equalizer about it is it's hard work. It's if you put the time in, you get better. And it's really been awesome to be a part the time and you get better and and it's really been awesome to be a part of something and i'm sure the barstool audience will love this but just where you see like these positive stories where you see these people who who overcome cancer or substance abuse or whatever and and it is the older you get the more you appreciate in life you really face some tough shit and and it's awesome when you see people who go through something,

knowing that there are people at home who are going through the same things who are probably struggling with it. And then to see this and it gives them hope. And, and it's, it's unbelievable. Like the, when, when you, I live tweet the show. And when you see people saying like, my God, you know, to see someone who's got cancer or Ehlers-Danlos and that's what I have. And they're on the course.

Maybe it could be me someday. And so it's nice in a very cynical world to be a part of something that's positive. That's a polar opposite of us. I like those. There's room for both. It's going to get worse. There's room for both. I cry every fucking time I see him.

I just don't like crying. So I don't go out of my way to see him. I know. I don't like real emotions and stuff. That's my man right there. Oh my God. I was't like real emotions and stuff. That's my man right there. Oh, my God. I was literally. Press it down.

So I just. I got to do. I got to work with Travis Pastrana. He did this Evel Knievel thing where he recreated Evel's stunts. So. All in a night. One night. It was Evel live.

And it was unbelievable. Three jumps. And the guys. That guy's a freak. We worked with him, too. He can barely walk. He can barely walk. But on a bike, he's magical.

So I go to Nitro Circus Saturday night in Anaheim, and I'm watching the show, and in the middle of it, they talk about this guy Bruce Cook, and they show a jump. He was trying to do a double front, and he just lands on his face. And as soon as he does, you see him. He taps his legs, and he'd broken his back. He was a paraplegic. And they go through the story, and it was a 90-second package.

And I'm sitting in the arena after, you know, the whole first part of this is just jumps and cool stuff. 90 seconds in, tears rolling down my face. He comes out in a wheelchair, and they put him on a bike. He gets back on a bike, and he does a backflip on a bike. And it was one of these things of, I came to this show not knowing what to expect, but this was one of those stories where you're like, if you're not crying and standing up and cheering for this guy, you don't

have a heart. And it was one of those, it was so unexpected, and I just thought, that's what sports can do, is those uplifting, like, you want that, the miracle, those moments, you want that moment where you think, I'll never forget seeing that. I agree wholeheartedly that it's incredibly inspirational. But didn't someone be like, dude, don't?

This didn't go well. Let's just keep with the broken back and we'll work on this. Let's not add any new ailments to this. You know what? Those guys. Bro, I worked so hard to fucking fuse your backpack together. You're going to go do it again? But you know do it again?

But you know what it was? I think for him, he's like, if I don't, then what am I doing? What's the point of even being alive? Yeah, those guys need it. And so you're right. There was a little bit of that. You still got your arms. Don't lose those. The adrenaline junkies, I don't think there's a group of people I identify with less.

Like, I am good on the couch. Those squirrel suit guys, those wing guys. The goal is to touch a balloon six feet off the ground. Your window of error is zero. Again, it's like, you lose. You ultimately lose. Game over, man.

I'm more with those guys. I've gone skydiving. I love skydiving. If skydiving fucks up, at least it's over. It's over. Yeah. If you fall on a bike, you might break your back. But if my parachute doesn't open, I don't get hurt.

I just die. It's a totally different thing. I don't know if your logic is sound here, but let me go with it. I don't want to be in pain. So if I just die, I die. Whatever. That's not it. I got nothing.

That sounds like something for your therapist. I don't want to feel. You said this. I don't want to feel pain. I don I just die, I die. Whatever. I got nothing. That sounds like something for your therapist. You said this. I don't want to feel pain. I don't want to cry. These are clear red flags here. They could write a fucking series of books on this guy over here. Jesus Christ. I think that's just... I don't have a family to support. If I die,

I just die. Whatever. I don't have anybody who loves me. Who cares? Wow, this is really revelatory here. See, this is, you know, this is, like I said, the polar opposite of your stuff. Life sucks. Just wait until you die. Jump out of a plane. Maybe your parachute won't work. Why do you think I live in New York trying to accelerate the process?

Ordering PEDs from Russia. I'm from Denver. I still feel like Denver's home, but I've been in L.A. Denver, I think we decided recently, is the greatest place in the world. Greatest place in the world. Because weed's legal. It's actually nice weather-wise, right? Great. People don't realize that it actually warms up.

More sunny days per year than any other city in America. Really? And haven't they, aren't they kicking around the idea of three-day weekends being permanent? Oh, they may be. Or somewhere nearby? I don't know. I mean, look at our career. We really need to worry about it.

No, and like the music scenes there, you know, Anschutz AEG is based out of there. So they have more music venues than even Austin. It's the country. And you got that airport, man. DIA. I will tell you, though, Coors Field, to me, started the transition. Because when we grew up, there was no downtown. There were two bars down there. Really?

And Coors Field, when they talk about urban renovation, that used to be just dilapidated warehouses. And it just spread out from there into lofts and restaurants. And I think it just opened people's eyes to kind of having an urban center and watching the development there. And obviously, Denver's weather is incredible, and weed being legal doesn't hurt. But it is. It's remarkable.

Because we moved there, I think, in 73. And where we lived, we were on like the Southern edge of civilization. And now it's almost contiguous with Colorado Springs, but I think it's like 60 miles away. Like the development is remarkable. It's, you know, the secret's out there. It's getting crowded, but it is, it's an awesome place to live. Are you a ski guy? Love skiing.

I snowboarded for a while, but I have rheumatoid arthritis, so I'm, I can't move my neck. And so I'd be like, you know, I'd have rheumatoid arthritis, so I can't move my neck. And so I'd be like, you know, I'd be skiing, looking, just using peripheral vision. And I thought this is not going to end well. So, yeah, ski. I love skiing. I snowboarded during my middle school rebellious years. And then I saw like a really old dude snowboarding once. And I was like, I can't be that guy.

You catch a back edge, you just smash your head. That was it. The threat of concussion always scared me because I like to drink afterwards. So I just went back to drinking. My man. My man. It's just the most elaborate way to go drinking. That's it, really.

We put on the fucking everything and the boots and snapping. That's what. Go up and down a mountain all so that we can just drink in the snow. Most right. I'll just sit in the jacuzzi at the ski house. I'll just be there waiting for you guys. That's what most white sports are. Yeah, it's true.

It's true. Let's get out to the ball field. Fishing, golfing, skiing. I'll just be there waiting for you guys. That's what most white sports are. Yeah, it's true. It's true. We're just flying. Let's get out to the ball field. Fishing, golfing, skiing. We're just trying to drink. The thing I love though is A, altitude, and B, if you're skiing, you get a workout. So that first beer goes right to your head. Even Coors Light, like 3-2 Coors Light in Colorado, which is essentially piss water.

It is. It'll get you going. There's nothing quite like drinking. All right. So. Yes, I agree. Drinking is awesome. You got American Ninja Warrior.

American Ninja. You are still doing stand-up comedy? Still doing stand-up. I'm going to be at the St. Louis Funny Bone. Then Comedy Works in Denver coming up.

Go to mattiseman.com to check out my hilarious but sadly clean comedy. And you're still a practicing doctor or what? God, no. Maybe give us a once over and tell me what we need to do. I will tell you, yeah, I keep my license current just because I don't want to lose it.

He was like, I want to be able to still say I'm a doctor. Fuck you guys. Well, so I do a lot of corporate talks. I think they appreciate being able to say he's a licensed MD. Right. And that's the sad part is stand-up comedy, unless you're Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan or selling out theaters, which I am not, stand-up comedy pays nothing. So the corporate gigs are nice and it's fun to ostensibly use the MD, you know.

So my parents are like, oh, it's not a total waste. Yeah. The MD. So I try to keep it current. Do a lot of charity stuff. I got the MBA over here. Totally useless. Like even, that's even useless if you even useless if you do business, the MBA.

And I'm not even close to that. It just gets you a job. It gets you a job. But I always think it gives you a perspective. It's discipline. And in this business, I think one of the – you guys work your asses off. And I don't know if people know. It's not easy to generate content as much as you guys do.

And that's one of the things I think people think. That's easy. They just speak their mind. Like, yeah, do it every day, five days a week, two to three hours a day, generate articles. And that's the thing people don't realize is this is still work. You have to work your ass off to be a success.

So, you know, you guys growing this. I tell you, that's why I like this guy. He's always defending us. He's always talking us up. Nobody makes me feel better about my shitty existence than that. What drives me nuts is the idea of the reason you guys are growing is because I think they feel, again, you speak your mind. And we need more of that.

See, I needed that little pumbo speech after my mom this morning. Or did she shame you? Did she listen to your podcast? I went to bed at like 8 o'clock last night. And I woke up at like 8.30 this morning. And the last two or three weekends we've been traveling, and we've been working a lot. And my mom goes, oh, you were all tuckered out.

I was like, I'm a 30-year-old man. I've been working hard. I'm not tuckered out. It wasn't field day at school today. I'm exhausted from working, Mom. Fuck you, Mom. You know, moms will always be moms. I was literally just at home.

My mom was still making my bed, doing laundry, and making me breakfast. Oh, we've talked about that extensively. I want to move back home. I feel like I'm cheating her if I don't let her do that for me. She loves it. I'm doing it for her. It's a mitzvah. It's a mitzvah.

Yeah, it's embarrassing. At some point, I'll grow up, but not today. Not today. Probably not anytime soon. All right, man. We appreciate you coming through. Thank you, guys. Continued success.

Thank you very much. All right. Big shout out to our guy, Matt Iceman. You think Matt Iceman, when he's on the bowl, he just uses regular toilet paper? I don't think so. He doesn't look like a man who uses regular toilet paper. No. He looks like a very classy, sophisticated gentleman who's living in the future.

He's probably got himself an Omego bidet strapped to that toilet seat. I know I do because I want to keep that butt fresh. Imagine walking around with a dirty butt. Couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. I got a clean butt because I roll with Omego. I'm living in the future, baby. This bidet, it straps right onto your toilet, right onto the seat. Yeah, pull this little, shoot that water up your butt, clean it, keep it nice and fresh. And I'll tell you something, on top of the hygiene, it just feels great. You control the water temperature, the position,

the pressure, the width, the movement. Honestly, this sounds like a sexual experience. This sounds like I just described a sex toy, and I basically kind of do have one strapped to my toilet. It's got a heated seat. It's got a nightlight. It's got a soft closing, air dry. It's remote controlled. It's got a deodorizer. I mean, this makes your whole toilet experience

a goddamn luxurious trip to the future. Say goodbye to just toilet paper. So you'll save trees and water and electricity. Say goodbye to a dirty butt. Keep it clean. Keep it fresh. Go to omigo.com, O-M-I-G-O dot com slash KFC. You get $100 off your next Omigo. That's myomigo.com. O-M-I-G-O dot com slash KFC. This song right here. The greatest remix of the greatest song of all time.

Steel drums. You could play anything with a steel drum. It instantly becomes that much better. Shout out to Cal and Rez. Shout out to Time Flies. When I came on this mic,

yeah, you knew it happened. And when I stepped up in here and started rapping, like at my shows when I see their hands, they clapping. Like when I'm under the sea chilling with Sebastian.

Yeah, now the phone rings and who they calling? Cause know that when I'm stepping in, you the way. It's crazy. It's crazy. Here it comes. Sexual innuendo on that one, by the way. Under the sea, yeah Darling, it's better down where it's wetter Take it from me It's a sexual innuendo on that one, by the way. Under the sea, yeah Darling, it's better down where it's wetter

I don't know any words. It's amazing. Amazing. Again, this goes back to the memory thing. I don't have a memory. Your brain's broken. I'm good at mout thing. I don't have a memory. Your brain's broken. I'm good at mouthing. Let's do the watermelon trick.

Yeah. Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon. Ribbit. Brilliant. and flip it. I feed on these time flies. Ribbit. I'm in it. I'm in it. Did it. Done it. And minus the additions to my life. I fucking love it. Yeah, I live it to the fullest. Ain't a minute that I let go. And we've been doing it big like this from the

motherfucking get-go. Yeah. That's from the start. The arrival. Hold the antibiotics cause the videos are viral. Oh, wow. Fuck you. Under the sea. Yeah original Under the Sea is rich as fuck. Probably not.

Probably not.