KFC Radio - The Mets And Frank The Tank Have Once Again Crushed KFC Ft. Maddy Smith

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Timecodes: 0:00 - The Mets Lose 26:53 - Feits' delayed flight 32:34 - Chicks suck at driving 47:48 - Botched Ad read 55:08 - Adriana Chechik broke her back 01:06:02 - Comedian Ariel Elias owns heckler 01:09:32 - Kanye West's Anti-Semitic tweets 01:18:16 - Video Voicemails 01:49:45 - Maddy Smith Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Adriana Twitchcon streamer: https://twitter.com/jakesucky/status/1579153886861881345?s=46&t=g3fAYdUJoorOzoMeTbEMyg Comedian Ariel chugged high noon after being heckled: https://twitter.com/ariel_comedy/status/1579127426986422272?s=46&t=8LnKO1WtC01Bfzrtinewog - KFC is taking the Mets loss hard - Feits went to a wedding this past weekend - Chicks suck at driving - Adriana Chechik broke her back at Twitchcon - Comedian Ariel Elias chugged a high noon after being heckled at her show - Kanye West had an antisemitic post that got him kicked off both Instagram and Twitter - Video Voicemails - TV shows/movie Prequels - Starbucks label cheating - Worst advice from a doctor - Maddy Smith for an interview that is all over the place talking about tying each other up with duct tape, Wild N Out and having thick skin during roasts, fetishes, how many wings they could eat in one sitting, drinking and much more. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WhistlePig Whiskey: Get your bottle at https://barstool.link/WPKFC or at a local retailer. Allbirds : Discover your perfect pair of Allbirds at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS Blue Nile: Go to https://barstool.link/bluenileBSS and use code KEVIN for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more Gametime Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Ridge Wallet: Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use the code KFC for 10% off your orderYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh my god, I didn't see the headline. I didn't see the picture. Bro, what could that tweet have been? Shout out to me, I nailed that. What could that tweet have been? I'm ready for this. Another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm as low as I've been in a long time, John.

Yeah? This one hurt a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's a whistle-pick kind of day. This one sucks. This is a new pain that I think you can help me with. Okay, let's go.

In the past, I think that, as a Mets fan, we've been using the word collapse and choke the complete wrong way for like decades when people like the Mets choked the Mets collapsed almost every time the Mets were not that good

and were like the team who just got hot or the team that was injured and like you know still were kind of holding it together but then got bounced. And so when they blow a lead or lose in the end, it was like, oh, they choked, it collapsed. It's like, well, if you look at that roster,

if you look at those injuries, it's like not really. It's like LeBron's Cavaliers. Yes. You lost in the finals, but you weren't supposed to be there. When the Mets were 7-up with 17 to go against the Phillies, it felt like a collapse because we thought we were the better team. And then if you look at the next six years after that, the Phillies were like an unstoppable juggernaut

and won the division every year. It was just the beginning of Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Jason Worth, you know. So, but this is the first time. This is a choke. It's not a collapse. This one is a choke. You had all the players.

Max and Jake, I think. Max, I think, is banged up and not saying it. Jake didn't have his best stuff, but he's still just such a fucking gamer. We won't talk too much sports here because I know we don't go into all that. This isn't sports Yeah this is life This is mental health And let me tell you something

This is mental health And this team I mean I was gutted last night And I've never really reacted like that I was like Really sad And I realized

I didn't realize I was I was really sad I was surprised how sad I was Well it's probably Because you lost all your money No it wasn't It was

Honestly it wasn't money It was you It was I felt bad for you I felt bad for what You were having to deal with I think I realized

And this might be Some sort of stretch But in my mind I made this connection Last night I was like The Mets are Just like I am

Like the Mets Have this Reputation made this connection last night i was like the mets are are just like i am like the mets have this uh reputation that they can't shake and they're just always it's always negativity and jokes and it's always like the lol and the butt of the joke and lol mets is so annoying because it's so stupid but it's also pretty accurate yeah so it's like god when you get it's like when you get insulted by a child yeah and you're like fuck that was really accurate but it wasn't clever and it just it was just poignant that's all so basic right stupid and and then i don't know why i said like get insulted by a child like it happens to me regularly you go to the park and kids just tear you down but i and i just kept thinking and i didn't realize

this at the time but like every all season long when people were making the same old comments and jokes it was like no you're wrong and they're proving you wrong every fucking time those guys were wrong for like six straight months four four nights a week, all the time. And then in the end, you realize you can't fix it. And they're going to keep doing it forever. And no one's ever going to change their opinion. And it is what it is. And I somehow like connected it all to everything in my life and was just like –

I was like baseball is life. everything in my life and was just like, like I was like, it's baseball is life. It's long and it's hard and it's stupid and you, and it's very hard to be good at. But even if you do and you get a lot of money and you start to do things right and you get the best people or the best job or the best relationship or the best house or whatever, it still doesn't guarantee you shit and things can go horribly wrong

and you'll still just be terribly sad and you got to just keep going out there and doing it. Right? That's fucking life. Dude, first of all, how the fuck am I the one who's going to help you with this? Like this whole thing was started with like, by the way, this is perfect for you, John. That's fucked up, dude. Originally, when I was going to keep it just sports, I was going to say this is the first time we had the best team. Not the best team, but the better team and one of the best teams and lost.

That's where I think you can relate to. And you've always said that that it's it's you know what I do. I guess I owe you an apology because I'm not sure I'm not ready to relinquish this just yet. But I always said, no, it's not worse. This is different. I don't know if it's worse. It's very different because I had it the other day. I got lucky where I had to do Bailey's happy and I was like, oh, this is awesome.

Having like a team where you just just trying to play house money. Yes. But the Mets would always be good enough. The Mets were never like, it's house money. It was like, you know, in 06, they were like the best team, but they had some injuries. But people didn't really care about those injuries. It was just like, you still should beat the Cardinals.

They only won a few games. In 2015, they basically won every single game. They were leading every single game all the time, and they blew it. It was never just like... I can't believe that was 2015. I can't believe it was 2015. I can't believe how long ago 2015 is. Yeah, right, right, right.

2015 used to mean a couple years ago. A couple years ago, 2015. We're pushing a decade ago. That's crazy. That's how long we've been in New York. I'll tell you how bad it is. I knew it was real bad when I pulled out my my mets 1986 sweater and i usually i pulled that out for the playoffs and the last time i wore it was well technically 2016 but that doesn't really count and so i put it on and i was like whoop doesn't fit don't fit in this uh that it's a it's a knit sweater from the year 1986 medium you know yeah 2022 your boy's rocking

double xl boxers he's gonna fit in a 1980s medium so uh that was that was depressing but um but yeah there's a different type of hurt with uh when you're the team that should win and didn't there's a different type of hurt when you do the job that we do and it becomes this personal and professional like rivalry for six straight months and it was very bizarre to not see everyone rowing the boat together that was that's very peculiar that's and that's Mets are so different. Like, I don't – I understand that there are – the problem with, like, I've always said, the difference maker, the X factor in New York is that you're not the only team. So when the Boston teams are all bad, you're all down. And when they're good, you're all up. In the Mets world, when you are winning,

there's still half the team that fucking, half the city that clowns you and fights you. So even in the good times, you're still like that. And then I can sort of understand that there are fans who are like, the Mets will still let us down in the end. If you said like, man, this team is great, but I think in the end they're gonna fucking disappoint us because they always do i would say that person's right when it's the

all year long who made 800 predictions declaring them dead 800 times and and the 801st was correct and they were wrong the other 800 times and they're like i was right i told you so very frustrating as an outside observer it's quite frustrating for me. And I saw a bunch of people who were like, you're a coward, you were wrong, why don't you admit it. I came in here and I started watching the game. Yeah, I saw that. I was just like, this team means too much to me.

The franchise means too much to me, and this team specifically. I spent so much time of my life that I'm not – I'm also just physically not going to sit there and let someone scream in my ear while I'm trying to watch this game. I'm never doing the streams like we did it on Friday night. I got assholes talking about Kansas State, Iowa State in the over. That was insane. My life's on the line.

I don't give a fuck how much you lost. Shut the fuck up about this. So I'm never doing a stream like that again with football and i know that there are some people who love the shtick with frank i can't watch a grown man have a chew toy screaming it's funny the first time it's not that funny the five millionth time and it's definitely not funny when you're the one trying to watch like the guy that is i've actually learned that through like my sports life that like when you put your life on the line for something like that, like I did it with David Price. David Price.

Like that is even more intense than like it's – that's big. And that's where it's – yeah, like you don't understand what it means for me when it's like for the last six months my job has basically been – it would be like if you were at work and you were telling management we got to do things this way. And they were saying, no, no, no, we got to go this way. And you were doing it your way and it was working and you were proving them right and proving them wrong, proving them wrong. And then at the end that it all falls apart, it would be like the last year of my life is fucked and the bad guy won. He was right you know and it's like it's tough for any fan but it is fucking crippling and of course this is all just like coinciding where dave decides to start doing the rundown again i'm pretty sure he'll stop after this uh so that sucks and it's

but it's like i also i was so mad at people on the stream, the guys, the rookies who were just taking the bait every time from – like when Dave Portnoy is doing his little snicker, you can see his face change. He goes, Frank was right, right? And then I had people going, no, he's not. And I'm like, just look at his face and look at what he's saying.

You know he's trolling you. Don't take the bait. Don't take the bait. And it's funny watching because even Rico was like, don't take the bait. Don't take the bait. And then in the sixth inning...

Even Rico's yelling it. Yeah, but then in the sixth inning, Rico's like, he's not right because then they're not. And I get it because everybody reaches their breaking point

and it takes a true man. I don't know if there's any man on earth. It's like Lord of the Rings shit. Like no one. There's no man that can resist this. There was a moment on Saturday. It was like right after you guys got a home run where Clemmer and Rico started going at each other. And you went full dad.

You're like, what? You guys got shit now? Just shut up and watch again. I didn't know that was a thing. I was like, we have. I thought we just had to worry about Frank. Now you two are fighting. Like, fuck all didn't know that was a thing. I thought we just had to worry about Frank. Now you two are fighting? Fuck all these guys.

There was one moment. This was my favorite moment. It was just blatantly mean, but super enjoyable. Was it the one I sent you? Yes. That was before all the Adriana stuff? How far back is that? I got it.

Paz was like, this is just very funny. And it was me. Was it you in the moment at the end of the game? Yeah. Wait, wait, pause, pause, pause. It was in his defense, like Darren Ruff should have been on third. A man should have gone from first to third, right? And he absolutely should have been on third a man should have gone from first to third right so and he And he absolutely should have but it was right after we just scored a run on like a RBI hit and this is Frank

It was like is like being able to talk to your son that way. Oh, I didn't see the shirt. The shirt's great. Oh, yeah. I went on. That game was awesome. That was like my moment of glory. We won.

We hit home runs. Frank was wrong. He, you know, is a fucking idiot. Now, what was really funny, I tried to explain the context to my mom first i got a text from my sister because a lot of these clips started going around and she said is there is is there something wrong with that guy and i said oh yes she was like no but really and i was like no but really no he wears a chill toy i mean he's a grown man who wears he buys he buys uh packs of leg soft legos in bulk he was like i like, I had the six pack

because I couldn't get the 12 pack. I didn't know that. Wait, so those are Legos? They're soft Legos. I thought it was an actual two-to-one. Well, for him it is. Actually, I shouldn't say that. They look like Legos.

Whatever they are. I finally explained the dynamic to Mama Clance and she was like i'll go on the stream i'll go i was like no you will not like i will not subject you to those animals and she was like i'll do it and i was like no no because it's one of those things you can't win like the guys are trolling and if if you fight back, you look stupid and you just have to keep doing it because he doesn't stop. And she was like, I don't care. I won't stop.

And I was like. Did we finally meet Frank's foe? So then I said, I said, the real problem is Frank is allowed to say and do whatever he wants. And it's funny. And then if you retort with something that's too mean or harsh all of a sudden you're making fun of a guy who has like issues or something so I explained that to her and she was like I don't give

a fuck and she started to say some things that I can't even repeat on here maybe I'll say it at the live show New York Carolines if you really want the full story I actually might get my mom to say it on like camera and I'll play it at the live show. So there's your incentive to buy tickets.

Go to the KC Radio social media. We have our show on October 19th at home, home turf, Carolines. We're going to pack the place out, and you'll get to hear what my mom said about Frank. But she said some things, and I was like, see? I was like, the whole family will be canceled if you go on the stream. You're going to say some things that are not acceptable in 2022. So, yeah, I couldn't do it. I can't do it.

And it's hard because when I got into the point at Barstool where you know your role, you know, like, you know, you know, I remember once I was I have a friend of mine who's got a big Italian family. There's four brothers big Italian family. There's four brothers and a sister. And I went to his family dinner once. Sunday supper? It was basically a Sunday supper, yeah. And I think we were in college maybe. So it was like, why don't you guys come home for like a home-cooked meal?

And it was – so yeah, it was a big deal. They're doing probably like a home-cooked meal and it was so yeah it was a big deal they're doing probably like a million uh courses and all my friend and all his brothers were just telling this their sister what to do like get us not in like a really mean way but kind of a too rude of a way yeah get me the get me to this get me to that pass the sauce where are the meatballs you didn't put the the pasta out whatever it's a little bit harsh and i and uh and so i was like in my family like the women you know don't that's not how it goes so i was like damn girl like uh you know you kind of like let them talk to you like this and she as she's reaching over and grabbing a plate and putting them down she goes i i know my role here like i get it and not in like a i know my role as a woman sort of thing she was just like i know my place i'm the youngest and i'm the one girl out of all these guys.

It's dinner time. They're talking about sports and shit. I'll go get the plate of meatballs. You know, like – and so I know my role here. I get it. It's, you know, people like to see my misery. That's why I did – I came in here and I did the stream with Castellani and Clem. And if you tune into barstool streams for

like the circus you go watch frank me and clem and chris had like like a baseball heart to heart like you know we were able to even speak you can't talk on the stream frank it's like gibberish yeah so but i was like i know people want to see this so like i tweeted out i said i'm gonna just sit here for the final out so you can watch and get your kicks. I know you love that one face that I make and all that shit. I just know what – you're basically an actor almost at one point. You're not acting, but you are. You're filling. This is like your character.

So I'm going to do the rundown and whatever but it's like the the feeling of like maybe one day getting to be the break that character and like you know the the the guy who always loses gets on top was like that's why some people were like oh now I remember like in 2015 you were so obnoxious when you started to win I was like yeah man yeah and if it man. And if we ever really win it or I get to the World Series with a team I know, know is going to win, it's going to be a hundred times worse. Because my whole fucking life,

even when they're good, has been Yankee fans or idiots like Frank being obnoxious and being rude and telling me I'm wrong and knocking me down. So I'm going to make the whole world suck my dick when it happens. There will be no gracious like you know, I'm just happy we won. There

will be no sportsmanship. There will be no maturity. I will be like a 12 year old who thinks he's the hottest shit in the world and I will be so obnoxious you'll never want to watch anything I do again and that's and I can't wait for it.

I'll lose all my fans if I have to if that's what i got to do to enjoy that moment because i i can't maybe can you i want to hear what your point of view is i think and this might be a little uh main character syndrome as they call it but i think that there are probably like a handful of teams that the world hates on because they're good. So the Yankees, Red Sox, Astros, Dodgers. It's kind of about it, right? Like these are the teams, the Cardinals. Like these are the class franchises that are always in it and spend a lot of money.

And they have a lot of fans that are on the bandwagon, a lot of obnoxious fans. So people relish them losing. And then I would say, like, right after that, at the top of that second tier, for teams that people love to watch lose and make fun of is the Mets. I would say definitely. Right? Yeah. And maybe you would even put them in that. I was going to say they might be in the top tier.

Yeah, they might be in that class while never winning. Like, God bless the Mariners. They're America's team as jared calls them like i i'm pulling for them so hard now uh why do the mets never have that like wow the guys who always stink are finally putting it together let's pull for them and i don't know if it's a new york thing i don't know if it's a money thing like they have a lot of money so they just should be good so this is not like a cinderella story they have a lot of money so they just should be good so this is not like a cinderella story or if a bunch of people from the midwest just hate loud obnoxious

new yorkers like myself or if it's the fact that one you think yeah but like but i've never i guess it's not a personal i mean i definitely have made fun of like midwesterners at points but like but it's like when it comes to baseball like i i think it is just more of like midwesterners at points but like but it's like when it comes to baseball like i i i think it is just more of like a societal thing where it's just like fuck new york they're like east coast elites and but we're as a baseball team we're not we're like the bums you know but we just get lumped in with like we fucking hate you guys i don't know if it's all midwesterners like shitty on you guys though like i feel like it's mainly East Coast people like especially now it's really loud because it's all the fucking stool. He's trying to get Dave to suck their dick.

Well, and that yeah. Well, what's going on right now is this trolling slash faking stick. I want to get attention from Dave. I want someone to retweet me like it's like, you know, it's like one baseball world with the Mets. The one giant comment section that wants to get that up so there's a lot of that going on but like you know if the mets win the the story will not be like one of like everybody was pulling for the the underdog mets to finally exercise the demons and like the grandmas that were almost going to go a lifetime without winning. Right, the now I can die in peace crowd.

Right, there will be people who are like, fuck, the Mets won. And I guess I kind of understand that we're loudmouthed New Yorkers, but I don't really. Do you think that's what it is? It's just like we don't like you because you're from New York? I mean, what other reason could there be? Because we are like, we're not like a band. There are bands that jump the bandwagon when they start to get good,

but we are there every year. We are one of the most diehard and informed. We're not like phony fans. The players are all likable. It's not like when the Yankees had a bunch of roid monkeys and fucking hateable guys, Gary Sheffields and shit like that. These are all really likable guys. I can understand people hating Frank.

I can understand people hating me once I'm winning, but I'm doing that in response to you fucking assholes treating me a certain way. So I guess it's like a vicious cycle that never ends. But it's just weird. It's like we're the most hated but the worst. That's a weird combo. We're the most hated but we – Really can't get a win at any point. So the team guts us, and then the rest of the fans.

I was telling you last night, it's the most unrewarding thing in life, being a Mets fan, because everybody hates you, and you also have nothing. You win nothing. Pats is a dead body today. I feel nothing. I feel nothing. I ruined so many friendships last night. I cried. I cried. You cried? Yeah. feel nothing i feel nothing i ruined so many friendships last night i cried i cried like

you cried yeah oh yeah i went to the game on saturday with my dad it was maybe the best night of my life just to be followed up by one of the worst nights of my life yep and i don't know why that's all i have to say yeah no i uh because it's also like a – like Jacob deGrom is like this – he's a baseball player, right? But he's not. He's like this thing that has been in our lives through the last decade. And like he's maybe or probably won't be, you know? And his music is Simple Man by Leonard Skinner. Yeah.

And so – and it's a very like – you listen to a, you listen to the lyrics, like, all about life advice and growing up and coming of age. And I was, like, listening to Simple Man being like, oh, wait. Like, he's probably never gonna come back again. And we didn't get it done for him. And again... You think he's not coming back?

I think there's a, like, a, you know, 50-50 shot. Really? I think... I feel like Cohen's gotta throw the bag at him. I think Cohen will throw the bag at him. I just don't know if, like, I think Jacob DeGrom's kind of a weird dude who, like, I think almost, like, what, if you don't, like, I think Jacob DeGrom thinks of, like,

the Mets as, like, the old Mets. Like, the new Mets is kind of new, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he closes his eyes and thinks of the Mets, he probably thinks of the Wilpons and, you know, getting no run support and nobody, they never went out and got any bats to surround him and those aces and he's probably like kind of like fuck this place, you know? And the new guys are probably like, it won't be like that, it won't be like that.

And he might be like, you know what, you're right, but I'm just I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm going somewhere else, you know? I think that could happen. I also think there's every chance that he's just like, okay, you paid me, I'm good. But like again, I'm going through this like introspective life baseball thing where I was like, that's part of it, too, where it's just like, is this guy who deserves better and didn't get it?

And, like, we missed the chance. And I was just fucking waterworks. This is preposterous. And I had this moment where I'm crying but laughing. I'm like, dude, that's so fucking stupid. Yeah, that's the best. I mean, I know it's silly. Were you in the office?

No, I held it together. I could not cry fucking on camera. Are you kidding me? But yeah, it's like sports becomes not sports. It becomes life, especially baseball. Every fucking night becomes becomes who you are. And it was like I just had these little victories every summer, all day, all summer. You know what I mean?

Like shit was going bad in life, but like the Mets came back and won it, so we were happy. And it just kept going until it fucking didn't. And now it's like now what? Now I just have nothing. Life still sucks and don't even have that. So it's the most crushed I've ever been. I started writing a blog that I think will be one of my

fucking salvos where it's like a jillion words long. I don't even think people will read, but I gotta get it out. I gotta get all this out. This is like poison right now. We'll also get through the podcast and do some fun shit now. We've got a lot to talk about. It's brought to you by GameTime. If you want to go see your team, if they're still in the playoffs,

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Lowest priced. Guaranteed. All right, so we got today Maddie Smith is on the show. Maddie Smith is one of the funniest people. She's so goddamn funny. She's one of the funniest people alive right now and one of the most likable. And just someone who just, I think, knows, like, she just knows who she is and who she isn't and just fucking loves it and does it right.

So she's on the show. You might have seen her on Wildin' Out. She's been on that for like seven seasons. She has her own stand-up, a couple podcasts. So she's on the show today. Very, very enjoyable. So we'll get to that. We got to do voicemails, of course.

But before we get into that you were flying this weekend yes um you you kind of got uh you got stuck in a situation that i'm familiar with where you you said yes to a wedding that you realized was in jacksonville too late right it was no no no no i i always didn't know how far i always i didn't know i knew it was in georgia i didn't know that like i had to land and drive two hours hours. I thought I could fly into town. Yeah, so day of when you find out. By the way, what do you think a Lyft was? Remember we talked about this?

Yeah, we thought it was going to be like $500. That makes me think it was like down south prices. It was like $60. It was $98. Bro, it costs you $98 to get a fucking car from here to Grand Central. It costs $15 to get me from my apartment to here. In the rain, from here to Grand Central, it'd be $100. Yeah.

I paid $150 once to get home from Jersey. Yeah. Bro, I am getting sick of living here. When I hear things like that, it's like, it used to be, but yeah, you have to live in Georgia and you can't make any money or have a life there. And now it's like, no, I can be the CEO of a fucking

New York company and live in Georgia. It doesn doesn't fucking matter anymore god damn it this god forsaken place uh so you you were trying to travel down there but following the uh the delay the flight delays i was like as a man who has watched this guy get kicked off planes for being too drunk this does not bode well i wanted to be i actually was like i because i knew i was like i was like i had a gut feeling the second it got delayed i was like this is gonna be a long one yeah and i was like let's pace yourself let's be i wanted to almost get on the phone with delta and just be like you don't know what you're doing right now like if there's any chance like if it's like a 50 50 ah let's just delay it a little more to be safe no no do it you're about to have a menace on your hands you're about to be a problem you want to have a fucking uh 6-1-2-20 bobblehead on your

hands if you don't fly the plane fly the fucking plane get out the duct tape or whatever and fly the fucking plane dude it was it was a lot you know it was a lot of delays and actually the funny thing was too I also forgot

I was like a Delta Sky Lounge member oh god so you could have been in there so I was at a bar for like I spent like $300 at a bar and then someone

someone tweeted me being like dude why aren't you in the Sky Lounge like you should be in the Sky Lounge I was like fuck that's where I can go

that's not free is it no it'd be like I have an American aren't you in the Sky Lounge? You should be in the Sky Lounge. I was like, fuck, that's where I can go. That's not free, is it? No, it'd be like I have an American Express. So like it is. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. You could have drank a free one? Yeah, so don't get me wrong. I got there and I still took care of it. I still made my $600 for an American Express. I made that nut this year.

Like, we're good. Man. Were you hammered? No, I wasn't that bad getting there. The weekend as a whole was a drunk weekend. I am very hungover right now. But the craziest thing that happened the whole weekend was coming home. So coming.

The craziest thing you can talk about. Again, come to Caroline's. Coming home, I coming. He can talk about it. Again, come to Caroline's. Coming home. I flew. I flew first class because it's, I don't know. It's Jacksonville. It's not. It's cheap.

Also, we do. Okay. Like, I don't think it's a secret anymore. But it was like comfort plus. It wasn't really first class. And the dude I was sitting next to, I got on the plane first, and then the dude I was sitting next to walks on with his girlfriend. And he goes, all right, I'll catch you later.

And she's like, I guess I'll see you later. And then she walked back to coach. And he sat next to me. Was it far, too? I didn't see how far back she went, but it was. Bro, that is. You were a madman to fucking just send your girlfriend back to coach. No, you know what, though?

Yes. You're either a madman who's like trying to sabotage the relationship, maybe. Or you're one of these guys. There are still some relationships out there that are just, it's pun intended, madmen. You're either a madman or it's madmen, one or the other. Because there are just still some guys out there who their girlfriends are like, okay, yes, I'm sorry. You're stronger a mad man or it's mad men One or the other There are just still some guys out there Who their girlfriends are like Okay yes I'm sorry

You're stronger than me I'll listen to you And I don't know who they are or how they achieve that Because I'd be like I've had first class that I've given up To another person We'll go sit and coach together Was it a soldier? I make sure I keep my head down just in case a soldier comes on.

That is tough. I'll see you, bro. I mean, I... I run next to the bathroom, dude. I do that on the train with old ladies sometimes. It's been a fucking... My day's been longer than yours. I mean, it's a capitalism capitalism thing whatever you paid for it but

also it is just insane that soldiers just fly to war yeah give them a like i have a connecting flight to war today are we gonna be delayed because i'm to miss my flight to war. That is... Imagine that. You're on the phone. Like, hey, Sergeant, I'm not going to make it for the war. There's a windshield issue. There's something with...

There's too many birds in the air or something, so you're going to need to send someone else to war instead of me. You know that battle that you were banking on me for? I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to be there for that one. You're going to miss the rehearsal before? I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to be there for that one. You're going to risk the rehearsal dinner. I'm missing the war. Brutal.

That is, though, that's one of those moves that's like you got to do the cost. Cost. Cost-benefit analysis. Cost-benefit analysis. Cost-benefit analysis. You know, what's... Is the comfort of sitting in first class worth the, like, you left me in coach. And here's the thing. If you can only afford to buy one first-class seat

at your relationship... And you're traveling with two people, you shouldn't buy... You don't fly first class. You can't afford it. Right. If you can only afford one, you can't afford it. Because you know that she's going to also go back there,

and she's not going to be able to get her bag in the overhead. Yeah. And she needed a man to help her to do that. And there's going to be an issue with the flight attendant that she needed someone to back her up on. And there's going to be something. There's going to be a whole list of other things that I always want to say to them.

What did you do before you were dating me? Because all of these things would just still happen to you you just wouldn't have someone to complain to it you would have just figured out a way to get the fucking bag up or you would ask someone else or you would have yelled that flight attendant yourself or whatever but sometimes i just hear these things you know i remember once a girlfriend it's like like the the parking is always one. Where do I park? I was just going to say that. No way, really? I got a phone call from a girlfriend once being like, I can't parallel park in the spot,

and there's no other spots. I've had some blowout fights about parallel parking. I want to just say, okay, here's what you do. Like some fucking relationship enders. Yeah, man. I'm like, why don't you just learn how to do it? Or like, fine, you don't know how to do it, but then recognize that calling me is not going to teach you how to do it. What are you going to do?

Talk you through it? Oh. Cut the wheel. They go 45 degrees. Like, why are you calling me? I've had it before where I pointed out a parking spot, and I was like, oh, there's a spot. She's like, no.

No, that's not it. And I was like, no, that's a spot right there. She's like, well, not for me it isn't. I was like, well, it's a fucking parking spot, so why don't you park in it? And she's like, I won't park there. I refuse to park there And then we had to get in a big fight

Where we made a whole scene in the middle of the street Where we switched seats But even more so than the parallel parking It's just like I had a lot when I lived in Boston Where I'd have girls come over And they would just call me Where do I park

And I'm like I don't fucking know Pretend that you have to park and get Pretend there's nothing around A garage or look for park and i don't fucking know pretend that you have to like park and get like right just like i'm in a garage or look for a spot like i don't i don't know seriously we live in a city i don't have you call up being like hey what's the parking situation do you do street parking do you do garages but to be like i'm here what now just pretend that i'm not here what would you do let's let's do make-believe. Jackie's laughing a lot. Let's do make-believe.

You pretend you're an adult. I do all of these things. Have you done some of this? No, no, no. I'm a good parallel parker. I doubt that. It's one thing that I can do. I can't do anything else. I was going to say, we don't let you drive.

Well, I can't drive, but I can parallel park. Wait, have we said this on the show yet? We said it on the live show. We described Jackie's driving. Did we talk about it on the podcast? I don't think so. Jackie's line. Were you here for this?

Do you know this one yet? No. Jackie said, because we were like, because here's why Jackie is such a fucking dick. Jackie is one of the worst passenger drivers. And I know that you guys all think that I drive aggressive and shit but Jackie is the worst if you like if you move the car anything that's like not like the smoothest like gentlest thing she's like you're the worst driver ever

that's so dramatic no you're so dramatic you say no what I appreciate cause Jackie voices things I just shut the fuck up about and I like that and Jackie would be in the back of the car like ugh no it's just like when I get queasy because you jerk around so much And I like that. And Jack would be in the back of the car like, ugh.

No, it's just like when I get queasy because you jerk around so much. Yes. When you look at the situation at hand, it's not like a, we're not on the open road fucking driving. We're going to be in Manhattan for an hour and a half if I don't get into this fucking tunnel soon. So I got to cut off a couple Ubers and a couple cabs and maybe run over an old lady. Because we got to get the fuck out of Manhattan. Okay, okay. So then, and then we, but, and. Because we've got to get the fuck out of Manhattan. Okay, okay. And also, you can only do that if you are a good driver. And Jackie gets behind the wheel and absolutely, admittedly, sucks.

And she says. No, it's like those two don't do TV. We were talking about driving down to Maryland, to D.C. And we always had this issue. Nick doesn't have a license. Who's not 25? I've got to get the car in my name, but'm driving my own car so what do we do and and paths will be like no no like Jackie can't drive like no no no like it's not safe this is not like a who can and who couldn't well and then so that's what I said that's what I said. That's what I said. And then Jackie says, if you're in the car with me, I don't – I won't look at the other cars in the road.

You have to tell me to look out for other cars. Because if I'm in the car, I'm not worrying about driving. I'm worrying about you being shotgun. So you're – she said, if you drive with me, you have to be my eyes. And I said it was like when you did Demolition Derby with Hank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had a blindfold on. One person, the driver had a blindfold, and the other person had to direct you, and Hank

kept pointing. Yeah, he would point. He was like, stop pointing. Just tell me. I can't see. Say left. Say right. Jackie will just be about to get hit by a car until the shotgun has to say, get out

of the way. She's like, oh, okay. I'll turn. Thanks for telling me it's insane but I'm a good driver by myself but it's just like

I actually so what if we all sat in the back seat no I can't be like this is with everything like I can't study in the library

because there are other people around me I get that that I understand I even understand from a driving point of view when I'm in a car with like my mom I know she wants me to be like 10 and 2 and drive 55 and all that shit.

So I do that for my mom. I don't do it for you guys because I don't fucking care. 10 and 2. But when I drive that way, I'm more dangerous because I'm like uncomfortable. I'm like I ordinarily would have like gone a little bit faster and been out of the way of this. But now I'm like in it because I'm driving properly. And now, you know what I mean? Like for me to me to be the safest driver i can be to drive my way yeah the best line i ever heard is my high school baseball coach we had our right fielder used to catch with two hands and like i was watching him hit fungos one day and he just kind of like

mumbles to me he goes catch him with two hands like driving a 10-2. If you see someone doing it, they suck. Because you need that extra. You need to be super focused. But, I mean, at least you know it. You say it about yourself. The only thing worse than that are the girls who are like, I can drive. And it's like, no, you fucking can't. And, you know, it's always like someone's doing something stupid on the road and then, like, you drive past them, and it's a check.

It's just a thing. It's just true. Can you drive, Colleen? Yes, but when I'm in, like, when I'm back in Arizona, I think if I was here. Can't drive in, like, high stress. Yeah. High anxiety. It's not normal driving here.

It's crazy. And having a big car sucks. It's a nice car, though. Trying to navigate around when you're doing that though is like i saw a guy the other day with a fucking lambo like in the same traffic i'm in i'm like what are you doing i mean i literally had that that fender bender the other day where we like we're yelling at each other and we just like went our separate ways imagine if i had a fucking lambo where that happened it's like jesus christ so uh by the way I just want to say for the record, I don't have a bunch of DUIs.

I'm just lazy. You've got to get a fucking license. Dude, it's a whole thing. I let it expire to the point that I have to go and get a permit with a bunch of 15-year-olds. Oh, we should do that for content. Yeah. You've got to do that for content. Nick learns to drive again.

Because I have to go up to Saratoga in two weeks and it's a problem that I don't have a license. You passed on your first try, right? Yeah, fuck yeah. You passed on your first try? And you? I failed my first one, I remember. You did? Yeah. Bro, I didn't leave the parking lot. I didn't go, I didn't parallel park, I didn't do anything.

I didn't leave the parking lot. I drove, I was gonna say I had never driven before I went to my driver's desk. My dad's just like, yeah, he logged all the hours and walked out of there with one. So it should be good this time. We didn't have a parking lot. You just go on the road. We did.

It was like because the DMV in Fall River is like in like this mill area. And so I did a lap around a Pub 99 and that was it. Oh, right. I did a she had me parallel park on a hill kind of, which was fucked. So like I – as I – or I think I had to do like a three-point turn first. And it was like on a hill. And it was – it's such a way – you know if you get like a perfect balance where you're going uphill. If it's slightly uphill but you take your foot off the pedal.

So you stay still kind of right and and so it was a way where it was like wait i'm taking my foot off the the brake but we're not moving and so all of a sudden i put like my second foot in i was like trying to like hold the the brake and then and i was like oh i'm shot i don't know where my brain went in that moment but i was like i just had two feet on the pedal i'm done and then she tried to tell me at the end though she was like it wasn't that it was like you rolled the stop sign and i was like ah that might be true and then i went this all checks out yeah this makes sense like i was still uh i still was doing it even at 15 trying to get my license um but man that's crushing when you don't get it oh Oh, it sucks. I rescheduled to, like, go out to Riverhead, Long Island, which is, like, way out there, right?

Way out there. And I didn't live anywhere close to it because everywhere near me was, like, you need to wait, like, six more months for an appointment. And I was, like, a 15-year-old kid, like, desperate to drive. So my mom was, like, all right, we'll just go, like, all the way out to the end of the world. And we had, like, this sweet little old lady in, like, an open, like an open like long island fucking road the one i was doing was in mount vernon it was like you know try to make sure you follow the rules of the road but also don't get shot at the same time uh all right let's get into some one minute man topics we're gonna bounce around the world uh and do uh some pop culture talk and then we'll get into voicemails, and then we get Maddie Smith.

Today is brought to you by Whistlepig. One-minute man, Whistlepig style. Whistlepig whiskey is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I would say so. I would agree with that. Legitimately. Yeah.

When you think about the idea of being effectively having an endorsement deal with a whiskey, getting to go up to their farm. I would never have gone to a Vermont farm probably ever in my life. That's just something I don't know people who do that. I don't know how to do that. I wouldn't think to do it myself.

They've invited me up to their farm. I've learned. I went through the tour. I've learned shit about tour like i've learned shit about whiskey i've learned shit about myself i've traveled i've enjoyed different drinks and cuisines because of them we're making money because of them we are doing like opportunities and events because of them we're achieving things that i like i would never in my wildest dreams think of and whistle pigs making it happen so um shout out to them their whole their whole operation from the distillers to the the uh branding people all of it everyone

there is the best person i've ever met yeah they really are it's like this little family i'm like you're awesome yeah great um and also the whiskey's the best i ever had, too. For at least, you know, it's somehow. Yeah, just a little more. A little more. When you drink the Boss Hog, man, the really good shit, it is like. Yeah. How is this even possible? Oh, God, it's so fucking good. It really is so fucking good.

My dad the other day found, I have some of the piglets around my house. Do you have any of those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little ones? Yep. Which I think is cool that they call them piglets. Yeah. It's fun branding.

My dad found one of those the other day and I think he had the 10 year. I think he's team 10 year because you know there's that debate between 10 and 12. No, it's 12 and 15.

It's 12 and 15. Yeah. So I think he had the 12 then because he was like I have the 12 but it's just the 12. Dude, the 12 is fucking amazing.

That was the one that I I leaned towards 12 too but then like some of those main distillers were like no, it's the 15. I'm like okay. If Sandy Kovacs tells you that this is the better pitch I lean towards 12, too. But then some of those main distillers were like, no, it's the 15. I'm like, okay. If Sandy Kovacs tells you that this is the better pitch. Jason says a 12.

I know. It's weird. There's enough people. It's like a LeBron Jordan sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't go wrong. Also, Megan says a 12, and I trust her. She really.

Megan is like the head distiller who is like this chick who's just like so normal, but happens to be a chemical engineer that, like, makes booze for a living. I remember when we asked her. I think it was you asked her. You're like, so, like, you loved whiskey and decided to make it a living? And she's like, no, I'm a fucking scientist. Yeah. What are you talking about, asshole?

No, like, yeah, I'm talking about the molecules and shit. I don't know. But at the same time She's also like I'll just like chug beers and party So it's awesome We gotta fix this ad read Oh yeah we're still doing an ad read Let's do like a

We pause right now To finish this ad read and then we'll put this back in Yeah Okay Get your bottles at shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com Let's finish this hand read, and then we'll put this back in. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Get your bottles at shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com or at a local retailer. That went off the rails. Also, I got to do my regular shot of maple syrup because that's the other thing that Whistlepig does well is the maple syrup.

I would almost say as better, as good, if not better than their whiskey is their maple syrup. Let's hang on a second. No, because think about it. Because think about it. Everybody else who does the fucking fancy maple syrup, it just tastes like you're drinking sap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And these guys have made a way that it's almost as tasty as Aunt Jemima and whatnot, while also still being the regular natural flavors of...

Well, I'm not doing it because I can't fucking get the plastic off. So the maple syrup is... There's also got to be an open one, because there's no way I drank a whole bottle of maple syrup. That would be crazy. Here's one open I got. Imagine if I was just like, over the last ten episodes, you drank a bottle of maple syrup. I wonder how much I could chug, like, Super Trooper style.

It's not a lot. It's not even close to, like, a bottle. You'll get diabetes, too. Here. It's so good, though. All right. Let me get a hit. Let me get a hit. I'm going to do a bottle. You'll get diabetes too. It's so good though. Let me get a hit. Switch it up. Because that's the thing though.

The maple, the old fashioned maple syrup. The maple old fashioned is the drink, man. It is so quality. Oh yeah, baby. So good. I mean, that's really nice. Actually, can you guys

do me a favor if you like Maple Old Fashions one of the things I've been pitching to Whistlepig is almost like oh that was really good

a Pink Whitney idea of a pre-mixed it's not like a mixed drink but it's a pre-mixed alcohol the way that they do theirs if it was in a bottle already, whiskey and maple mixed together. And you could do the orange slice if you wanted and some of

the bitters or whatever, but the hard part of having the whiskey and the maple syrup right then and there to do an old fashioned maple syrup style, if that was already just pre-made in a bottle, would you buy it? We'll do a little consumer research here. I think that's the moneymaker. I think that could be a huge trend the way that we have a lot of these ready-to-drink things. So let me know about that. And in the meantime, go to shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com or at a local retailer. Why don't you distill whiskey, Jackie? Why aren't you a head chemist?

Why don't you do something like that? I'm not good at science. No? Not a science girl? You're not? What kind of grades did you get in science class? Well, actually, I never got below a C. What were your grades like?

They were fine. They were pretty good. Your voice went pretty high for that. Yeah. Put it this way. They were fine. If I got a C in school, my parents were pissed. But I didn't do that.

You get a lot of Cs? I actually couldn't even tell you what my grades were. Really? I have no idea. I know. I know I was smart when I was younger. I think I tapered off a bit come high school and then really fell off a cliff when I got to college.

We should take some tests. I don't want to do the SATs, but I want to do like we should get if you're a teacher, I want all the teachers to reach out. I want to get, like, a 10th grade math test. Science test. 10th grade math test? Yeah. I'm going to get a zero on that. Yeah, that's what I mean.

I'm going to get an absolute zero on a 10th grade math test. How about 9th grade? Zero. Like, 8th grade? Like, algebra? Zero. You can do algebra. Nope.

You can't do algebra? No, dude. You can't solve for X? Absolutely not. Really? I can definitively tell you, absolutely not. But you can do like an easy one. Like if I said five minus X equals three, what's X?

Five minus X equals three. Two. Okay. Yeah, no, I got that. But so if I spice that up a little bit, if I was like 15. If you bring multiplication in or division? Yeah, you can. Well, I'm out.

Well, great. 10th grade was an insane number to throw out, bro. Give me a third grade. Do you want to do score in the fifth grade? No, I've played that. I lose. So let's go third. What about science? Absolutely not. None?

I'm trying to think of... Bro, I don't know what adjectives are. There's... That's funny because it has nothing to do with science. You know, but I don't know. I was just trying to think. I was like, well, I was good at English. Like, maybe... No.

But, like, no. What's an adverb? I know what an adjective is. I don't know those either. Okay, I don't know those. Adverbs are action words that also describe. Like quickly? Just descriptors of verbs.

What's an example of one? Anything with L-Y pretty much. You're doing something. Being quick is like a verb. You're describing it, right? Yeah. It's going to be bad, dude. I'm happy to do it. I don't have any qualms about showing the world how stupid I am.

So let's leave it to the teachers then. There's got to be some teachers out there who kind of understand our capabilities. And let's take some relatively short tests on history, where it's just how much do you remember. History I might be okay at. Yeah, because that's just memory, to be honest. Yeah, the lowest form of intelligence. If you're a history teacher, you have the same book that you just read every year. You know what I mean?

Because history doesn't change. It is. We've talked about that before. By the way, we're still in the middle of a whistle-tick ad. Yes. Yeah. Okay. We've talked about that before.

We're like going to poor schools. I just had 20 years where I just didn't learn about anything. Right. It was like I went to public schools my whole life in not a great town. And it was like we just stopped at the 70s. Yeah. Oh, my God. The textbooks just ended.

Yeah. I remember being like anything. That's all history. Anything about Vietnam? No, nothing? I think the last chapter was like, and then there was Desert Storm. Yada, yada, yada. I still have no idea what Desert Storm is.

Yeah, Desert Storm is like early 90s, but I don't know. I don't know if they teach that. They're just like, let's get all the ones where America won, and then some of those Do we lose Desert Storm? No. I think Desert Storm was just- I don't know. I didn't learn it.

Colin, do you know what we're talking about? I feel like you want to chime in here. Oh, okay. I thought you looked up like, you fucking idiots. She's probably thinking it. I think Desert Storm was one of those we want a whale, so we're going to go fight. I don't think there was any reason for that

other than we don't like Saddam Hussein. Okay. Okay. So that was my question. It was in Iraq. I think it was Iran. Here's the thing. Iran.

If you say Iran, you're an asshole. It's Iran. Iran. Yeah. Iran. The people who are like, I ran so far away. You know that song? It's actually Adam Levine.

It's an SNL, like, one of the original shorts. Uh-huh. And it's about how he's in love with Hussein. And it's like, not Hussein, because that's not who it is, the president there. Who is the president of Iran? Right now? Yeah. No fucking idea.

It was about Ammar Gaddafi? No. Yeah, it might have been about Gaddafi. It's definitely not about Ibrahim Rassi. There's no way that's... No, it's not about him. Who else we got here? Are you saying Adam Levine has a song about the president of Iran?

It's an SNL. He was hosting an SNL. So it's an SNL skit. Was it about... It's a hot song. And I ran. I ran so far away. I don't know.

But these are things that if you could remember, you would be like, I'm so smart. And it's like, no, you're fucking not. But when everyone's like, if you go out to Iran and Iraq, it's like, fuck you. It's Iran and Iraq. Ah, that's who it is. That guy. Ahmedadat. Ahmedadat.

Yeah, I kind of know that name. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a hot moment. He was involved in something that was like a pop culture-y moment, I want to say. Why is that picture there? I feel like he didn't have good opinions on George Floyd. I would imagine he didn't. Yeah, you want to read the headline?

Ahmed Ajaad uses the N-word to tweet about George Floyd. Oh my God, I didn't see the headline. I saw the picture. Bro, what could that tweet have been? Shout out to me, I nailed that. What could that tweet have been? Just being like me. I nailed that. What could that tweet have been? Just being like, yeah, that fucking. Oh, my God.

No. Whoa. Look, just. Goat. I don't know. I'm going to shut up. Oh, at least it was a quote from Tupac, but still. Oh, okay.

Okay. That's a little better. He's a hero. I know that quote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So was he trying to be like, this was- We got to fix this ad read.

Oh, yeah, we're still doing an ad read. Let's do like a, we pause right now To finish this ad read And then we'll put this back in Okay Yeah Okay Okay Bro that was a 10 minute ad read

You're welcome Best in the game We also might have dropped some I was gonna say Very problematic history details in there So You're welcome But also I'm sorry

In the middle of an ad read I was like by the way I haven't heard of Desert Storm Yeah What did that mean dude We always talk about You're welcome, boss. I'm sorry. In the middle of an ad read, I was like, by the way, I haven't heard of Desert Storm. We're that meme, dude. We always talk about the Domino's meme. It's like, starts with a big ad. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tweeting about George Floyd with the N-word.

Whoa. Crazy. Colleen's like, how do I fucking promote this show? What do I do here anyway uh to one minute man where we uh we're gonna go through um today's topics we begin with some upsetting news genuinely truly uh adriana chachik broke her back this weekend at TwitchCon, which is obviously terrible news. But also, given her history, I was going to bring that up privately. Like, there must have been a little bit of the structural integrity of her spine. Was compromised.

I feel like it was compromised, yeah. Yes, she said that her C4 and C5, I actually did one minute man on it, and I pulled up our clip talking about it, and it's my favorite. Again, this is not funny because she has problems, but she said, so I learned that C4, C5 is cracked, and I know it's because of the pile driver, and also my brain stem is a little bit floating because I have my head so far forward, and there's so much pressure on there cut to John gang shit I left it in for one minute gang shit bro I mean that is the definition of gang gangster

dude absolute gangster and she's like I'm still gonna fuck pile driver so she already had some spinal problems but despite that I don't know, man. I think this would break anybody's back. She went to TwitchCon because she does porn, but she also does – she streams her video games. She's like the number one Twitch streamer for Elden Ring. I believe it by far. She picked a game that's pretty good and popular and difficult. She sticks with it.

She streams all the time. And she's Adrian Chechik. It's not one of those things where she's like i'm hot you like you automatically win it obviously like helps you but you gotta like play video games every she's like doing streams all the time she does fun shit she gets naked in bowls she turns her body into a bowling ball um so she's like entertaining on it. So she came to TwitchCon and it sucks because I looked at her tweets and she was like, I think it was either traffic or a plane got delayed. So she was almost like not going to make it. And she was like, don't worry, I made it.

Like she almost probably wasn't going to be there at all. And she ends up going. They have a foam pit somewhere in the convention center. She used to be a gymnast or like is still a gymnast. You can tell she does like a toe touch. Her legs go flying. Like she is. I didn't need to see this video to know that.

To know. Yeah. And she jumps into the foam pit. However, the foam pit turns out to be like one layer of foam blocks deep. Those things are supposed to be eight feet deep. Yeah. And this was like one foot deep. Those things are supposed to be eight feet deep. Yeah. And this was like one foot deep. So she jumps,

touches her toes and lands right on her butt and like shattered her spine. Run the clip one more time. I want to see it. It is. You also can see her like doing the thing. Like, first of all, it's like crunch.

And then, and then you know that she fucking wears it though, dude, that's the thing, you know, she's embarrassed and doesn't want to just, like, cry, but she's like, ah, and she's kind of smiling. And then they're like, are you okay?

And she says yes, but then the pain sets in, and they're like, are you okay? And she shakes her head no. And all the while, the girl who's, like, running the, like, the emceeing the event is like, she's fine. She's no stranger to the foam pit. She's good. And then you cut to her tweet the next day.

Dude, I actually haven't watched this full clip. No, it's bad. It's like she's in a lot of pain. I saw the injury. And that guy is just removing one block at a time, being like, come here, come here. And it's like, dude, she can't move. Look at that. He's like sticking his hand out.

And she's like, I'm paralyzed, you asshole. The other girl was like, I think she hurt herself too, but she's not as bad. And she's like i'm paralyzed you asshole the other girl was like i think she hurt herself too but she's not as bad and she's looking at adriana like oh fuck adriana then tweets out so i broke my back in two places and i needed a metal rod put in i'm having surgery i'm telling you man that is i don't know what like rules are i saw a couple twitter lawyers out there saying uh negligence like always is like will trump all like at the end of the day you shouldn't be jumping off of platforms or whatever that's that's a gross miscarriage of justice if that is the case she should shoot she should sue the

fuck out of twitch yeah if you come up to me and say hey like you used to do gymnastics and shit we've got like a pile of blocks over there you can jump off it i'm going to assume that it's like safe enough. It was less than two feet. Less than two feet is crazy. Dude, imagine if you just jumped off this table as high as you could and just landed on your ass. I'd break my back. It would shatter

my back. I would be like the vertebrae would go up the ladder. All gone. I do love the tweet though. The tweet is her saying like, no, no, no,

no. The other guys, what he says, Twitch streamer, John Chechik. That's not how we know her. Apparently she's very popular. I'm not a switch guy.

She certainly is, but it's like, come on. That's like, uh, what? Clothing designer, Tom Brady.

Yeah. I went in my video. I want it I wanted to be like, you know, Adrian Achechik known like around the world by random Uber drivers. Pretty much anybody with a dick from, you know, this era to this era. I mean, how many people do you think know Adrian Achechik? Like, I think this is one of those things where I bet you it's far less than you think. Oh, yeah. No, I'm a pervert. I things where I bet you it's far less than you think. Oh, yeah. No, I'm a pervert.

I know. Yeah, we're perverts. If you pull the office. Jackie, do you know who she is? I mean, I knew, like, she was. Prior? Probably because, like, I've heard people talk about her, like, in the media. Probably you guys.

Did you know her? I didn't know until. Until this. Until this. You knew? Pabs is insulting. Yo, me and my boys used to go get fucking rubbing tugs. By the way, by the way, by the way, pass me my phone.

Is it Joey? No, I saw the funniest. Well, I find this to be funny. So I'm walking to work today. Where I park is right outside of the garage is one of the most famous of all, the West Garden Spa. This is the one.

And they're renovating. The guy is like, he was out there spackling and painting. That's actually all cum. And it's... There's years of cum Rows of it Layers on the outside

But like If you didn't know There's this place Called West Garden Spa It's pretty close to our Really close to our office And it is like The one

Like I know athletes Who like when they Fly into town For a game against the Knicks They're like I gotta hit up Bro I told you this story One time when I went

To the bathroom This is when I lived here When I was 21 And I went to the bathroom. This is when I lived here when I was 21. And I went to the bathroom and I like... At West Garden? No, no, no. No, I was at a bar

and I went to the bathroom and my friends left and they just left a note. Went to West Garden Spa. I'll be back in a bit. I was like, all right, guys. I guess I'll just sit here

with the Bud Light Tower. Did they just not want to invite you? I don't know why they did. They're my best friends. I don't know why they left without me. I bet you they would have been like, John's going to say no. just not want to invite you? I don't know why they didn't. They're my best friends. I don't know why they left without me. I bet you they would have been like, John's going to say no, and we want to go.

You wanted to stay, right? Yeah, I wanted to stay. That's why. They don't want people to get jerked off. I have an alcohol addiction, not a sex addiction. Well, I've got both, so I wanted to go.

West Garden is a fucking delight, bro. They treat you good bro So but the thought of them Like this just means So this picture We'll put it on the YouTube This guy is spackling over Like it also has like this nice

What appears to be like I'm sure it's fake But it looks like a marble Like facing front West Garden written all like fancy And he's spackling over this shit and painting it blue and it's just funny to think that there's somebody on the inside looking at the books like doing like the budget being like all right it's you know time for our renovations you know it's been about 10

years probably about you know a hundred thousand hand jobs it's like doing like a warranty on a car you know 10 years or 100 000 hand jobs time to uh we got to renovate the front we got to rejuvenate it a little bit let's make sure we spice things up so i just i mean i'm walking by just laughing at myself being like bro do you know do you know you know what you're working on right now i'd be like i'd be like do you don't have to pay me like no cash don't worry i'll do all this you take care of it i get i get i get free west garden for the guy who like uh painted the wall at facebook yes no no i'll do all this I get free West Garden for life Like the guy who painted the wall at Facebook Yes

I'll take equity in West Garden If you take equity in West Garden I bet you make so much money I bet those places Crush I'm sure it's all illegal and whatever But you make bank If you work at one of those joints

So Adriana has broken her neck. I don't think she's spoken out except for that tweet saying she needs the metal rod. But I understand at the end of the day maybe there's something when you speak legally. It's interesting, David Dobrik's

going through that with Jeff Wittek where he lost his eye on the Oh, he lost his eye? I saw that video. Or he either lost vision or lost the whole eyeball. Lost the eye. Yikes, dude. I didn't know that. So he's suing David Dobrik saying like you were reckless with the

controls. David Dobrik is like you knew the risk going in. And I kind of understand both sides of it where it's like you know, like if you go swing around on a fucking excavator, the very reason it's going to get a lot of eyeballs and the reason you're doing it is because it's reckless and dangerous. It's jackass type shit. He was saying that like we, you know, what happened was not on like the spinning. It was when you turned it off.

Like I fell into the machinery that way. And like that's why it's your fault because like you didn it was when you turned it off like i fell into the machinery that way and like that's why it's your fault because like you didn't know how to operate it it's like no fucking kidding nobody nobody here knew the physics of how like you spin around and then you stop like no kidding of course david dober doesn't know how to operate a excavator at high speeds like this is i don't know i don't know where If I was on that jury, I'd be like, I don't know. I'd probably have to be like, you put yourself in that position. But at the end of the day, if there is

some sort of power dynamic... It's kind of on you. Yeah. It's kind of... I mean, if there's ever a time to victim shame, it's that dude, no? I like to be very clear that was a joke

right though like i mean it's like you didn't you didn't know it operates like i guess the bigger argument would be like you made me do that whether or not you said it it was like implied that if i don't do these things i don't like like get a paycheck. Right. And if that's the truth, then like, there's a power struggle that like is fucked up. But the direct action of like, I don't know, part of me would be like, okay, your boss like treats you poorly.

We'll talk about that. Like in an HR case, this is you jumping on a goddamn, like a mechanical bull times a billion. Like, you know what you're getting into. So we'll see what happens. If he drowned, I mean, I'm, I'm making up that she's suing.

She hasn't said anything about litigation. I would imagine you would, though. We also got a comedian. Her name is Arielle Elias, and she was at the club. She was talking, and she had a heckler who asked her, like, totally drunk, interrupts being like,

I can tell you didn't vote for Trump. And at first she's a little bit rattled. She's like, um, like, why does it even matter? And roll the clip so John can see it. You haven't seen it yet, right? No. Do you even know what happens? Okay, well, there's the fucking headline now. Yeah.

Donald Trump, what do you's the fucking headline now. Foreshadowing. So what? Why does it matter? I can just tell by your jokes you've been provided. Why are we talking about politics? I can tell by the fact that you're still talking when nobody wants you to. Then you're going to be challenged. That's a good line. So. Yes. No one is telling you to stop. All right.

Make some noise if you want her to shut up. Most obvious applause. But I did ask if anybody had any questions. I didn't think it was going to be... That's on me. That was on me for thinking I could have a human interaction with somebody. No, look, I'm sending an insecure person here. I'll tell you the rest of that bit, and then we'll move on.

I'm so insecure, I went and got an IVD. Oh! And then, like a true G. Just fucking shots it. Loved it. Great move by her. She actually broke her sobriety to do that. What's funny is I've heard the rest of her bit she started to say I'm so insecure that

when I go get an IUD I watched another one of her sets where she tells the whole joke and she said that her doctor was like putting it in and she was like it's like a little bit of a different case with you, you have a very very small canal

and she said she was like stop and go on. You don't say. Really? Tell me again. Say it louder. But, yeah, I mean, that girl hurled a fucking Nuna Rico Bosco style. It's hilarious.

That was a big boy, too. That was like a 24-ouncer. Oh, that was a big one? I think so. I mean, unless she has extremely tiny hands, that girl. That looked like a tall boy. What a move by her to chug it. But that is, like, I'm happy for her because in the beginning, I think she was frazzled.

She was like, okay, like, what's the big deal? Like, who cares? So what? And then she hit her stride with the Jew joke. Everyone wants you to shut the fuck up. And then the chug afterwards. That's, I mean, man, people are just so fucking lame about politics where it's like you're behaving like an animal.

It is. Like an absolute fucking animal. It's fucking nuts. Also, it's like this is three years ago. Yeah. Like a long time ago. We're still doing this? Yeah, like that shit is played out.

And finally, we got Kanye West going hammer time on social media with one of just the most outright. Well, I would have said that before I learned about the other dudes. I forget his name, but the former president of Iran is apparently a little looser than Kanye West. than kanye weston well i mean not since um not since like at kfc barstool in 2010 have there been fucking tweets about the tribe like this one kanye west just comes out well first of all kanye west rocks the white lives matter shirt yeah a couple days which by the way shout out uh caroline tweeted it today and it's like look at my new merch. White Lives Matter? That's very funny. A lot of people

not happy. A lot of people really upset about that. Can understand why. Yeah, I get it. It's like Frank Fleming. It's like, we're trolling and we're going to give in to this? This is the most basic form of trolling for this asshole to be

contrarian and we're gonna like give him credit or or whatever you know it's like just get the fuck out of here so he rocks the white lives matter really pisses off the culture as they say his community and then tweets out a line that i mean his publicist and shit must have been like, Fuck! Dude, Kanye's publicist doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, Kanye probably didn't have a hat. He's like, dude, do your thing.

I don't give a fuck. He goes, he woke up and said, I'm going death con instead of death con. I'm going death con three on Jewish people. Yeah, here it is. I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up, I'm going death con three on Jewish people. Yeah, here it is. I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up, I'm going DEFCON three on Jewish people. The funny thing is I actually can't be anti-Semitic because black people are actually Jews

also. You guys have toyed with me forever and tried to blackball anyone who opposes your agenda. This is just like he's probably losing his battle with Adidas and of course there's a couple Jewish lawyers and he's pissed. What I think is funny is that he said DEFCON And what I think is really funny

Is John thought it was DEFCON 2 I read that without blanking I was like yep Kanye nailed that Do you know what it is now I know it's a defense Yeah I think it's just D-E-F-C-O-N Yeah yeah yeah What's it mean

I don't know what Desert Storm is So you got pretty high hopes I... What's it mean? What's it mean? I don't know what Desert Storm is, so you got a pretty high hopes thing I do with fucking DEFCON, man. I would think it would mean like defense contract... Defense readiness condition. So it's defense condition. Yeah. So, I mean, I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was not DEFCON, you dumbass.

I do know this. I know that it actually is worse the lower it is. That's one that people – It's like a golf score. Yes, correct. And then I do know this. I used to get that mixed up with Michelin stars. Oh, yeah.

I used to then think, oh, one star is a better restaurant than three. That's not correct. Michelin goes up like normal. Defcon goes down to be better. It's like golf scores. So yeah. The all-time greatest marketing campaign. Defcon 1 is like – what? The greatest marketing campaign of all time. What, Def like golf scores. Michelin. The all-time greatest marketing campaign. DEF CON 1 is like, what?

The greatest marketing campaign of all time. What, DEF CON? No, Michelin. The fact that it's from the tires is so bizarre. It's crazy. Why would that be the case? I thought it was going to be like a chef named Michelin who then became a... It was...

I can answer this for you. It was... They would rank... They were trying to get people to use their tires more. So they would... I know that whole idea, but I'm just like... It was, they would rank, they were trying to get people to use their tires more. I know that, like, the whole idea, but I'm just like, so that is, so that it was still, it was still about tires. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like a Michelin guy was like, I'm also a restaurant connoisseur. It was like, how can we get these motherfuckers to drive far away?

And it was like, three stars is worth an hour drive, two stars is worth like a half hour drive. Because I was like, what do they fucking care? But if you get your tires replaced, there you go. Yeah. So Kanye gets with the quick, fast ban. Usually there's like Andrew Tate goes for a couple weeks or Elon Musk or whoever's arguing. It's like, what do we do here? Oh, they finally banned him.

This was like, bam, bam. You are done. From Twitter and Instagram. Yeah, well, Zuckerberg doesn't play. Zuckerberg is not going to be happy with that one. And I don't know who's currently at it. As a Feidelberg, Zuckerberg doesn't play. I saw Silverman tweeting, being like, where is the outrage?

And I thought it was good. Our boy Adam, 22, from No Jumper, who was on the show not too long ago. What did Kanye say? How are you going? Used to be my N-word. That's fucking hilarious, man. This is where Kanye always, I'm mad and I hate him. I think he's an asshole.

And then he always kind of makes me laugh. He is funny. He's a funny guy. But I don't think. Kanye West is. But he's not. This is not the time to be taking this dance. I think he's unintentionally funny when he does it, though.

I don't think he understands. I caught myself good there. He said, so Kanye threatened the Jews yesterday on Twitter and it's not even trending. Why do mostly only Jews speak up against Jewish hate? The silence is so loud. And, um, I'm 22. It's like, it's the biggest news on online. And he got suspended from both platforms.

Like what else can you do besides like throw the guy in fucking jail? Like Jeffrey Dahmer went to jail. Where's the outrage? I don't know. He's in jail. We're done with this man. That was like, uh, Dante the other day tweeting about how Jeffrey Dahmer went to jail. Where's the outrage? I don't know. He's in jail. He's in jail. We're done with this, man. That was like Dante the other day tweeting about how Antonio Brown needs to be canceled. And it was like, dude, he doesn't have a job.

No one likes him. He doesn't seem to care. Right. Did you see that tweet to Brady? No. It was a Daddy Doesn't Live Here Anymore book. It's a children's book about divorce. It's fucked.

He tweeted a cup of whiskey emoji. Never mind. Antonio Brown is a mechanic. That's savage. That is really fucking nasty behavior. By the way, that book, Daddy Doesn't Live Here Anymore, look at the cover. This is appalling.

I obviously know about this book for obvious reasons but like look at that wait did he photoshop oh my goodness but the book I think the book itself like does look like that that is

that's really fucked up stuff that's fucked up stuff yeah cause I'm pretty sure it's like a regular book right yeah right and that's just like a normal family yeah

like that is that actually looks more like brady there yeah that looks like that looks like brady like old brady yeah and he puts ab in the fucking uh in the uh i mean that is it's jacked i guess this is a meme tom brady was like the last guy to fucking have his back. That's what's funny, too. People were like, yes, but he just wanted a Super Bowl. He didn't want to shit about Antonio Brown. He had to live with him. That's above and beyond. You know what's pretty funny?

Maybe that was the last straw. Maybe Gisele was like, we're getting a divorce. You moved Antonio Brown into the house you said hey honey i i gotta bring you know like like let's put the kids let's bunk the kids up together i need my buddy to use one of their bedrooms who is it antonio brown the biggest asshole most obnoxious motherfucker alive he went and lived with him you me and ab that should be the new fucking movie you me and ab and it's tom Tom Brady getting a divorce because Antonio Brown broke up the fucking wedding?

I mean, what a fucking asshole. How many times do you think she ever made chicken nuggets for Gronk? Today's voicemails are brought to you by Allbirds. We got the wool dasher mizzle for the fall and the winter. See, Allbirds has you covered the wool dasher mizzle for the fall and the winter.

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uh so i got a question for you i'm watching john wick right now and i'm at the part where uh the russian dad was like i saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil with a fucking pencil and i'm like that'd be a dope thing to watch right right? So I was Googling prequels. It got me thinking of prequels. They're making a John Wick prequel. That's going to be awesome. But what are some movies or TV shows that you guys would like to see a prequel of? Like they're just doing House of Dragon. So like, I don't know, Sopranos or The Matrix or something like that.

Well, The Sopranos bombed, right? That was what that movie was? Yeah. Totally fucking stunk because I heard. I didn't watch it. Yeah, The Sopranos was bombed, right? That was what that movie was? Yeah. It totally fucking stunk because I heard. I didn't watch it. Yeah, I didn't see it either. That almost makes me,

I mean, I don't know it, but it's like someone should do that right. I mean, bro, you had Gandolfini's kid. How much brighter can you do it? I know, I know. Gandolfini's kid

played young Gandolfini. Well, I mean, maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's not doing it right. Maybe they should've got a good actor. You know what I mean? I think he is. James Gandolfini, I know, but James Gandolf doing it right. Maybe they should have got a good actor. I think he is. James Gandolfini.

I know. James Gandolfini is like a classic actor. Yeah. Which I actually never knew that until he died. Yeah. He's got a lot of good roles. So I haven't seen much of his stuff. I've seen.

I've actually seen so much of Sopranos that I've basically seen Sopranos now. But I really haven't seen much of it. I hear the movie with him and Julia Louis-Dreyfus is fire. Yeah. Yeah. Is it funny? Yeah. It's like a comedy, like a dramedy kind of deal.

Have you seen the one with him and Tom Hardy? Oh, the drop. The drop's fire. Yeah. The drop's great. Yeah, the drop is dope. Does he always play sort of the same thing, though? Or no?

I don't know. I don't know many of his roles. Like I said, I didn't know he was like a big-time actor until... It's hard to imagine him doing that kind of shit. Yeah. But the... Yeah, it's supposed to be very funny, that one. I forget what it's called. Oh, you know what I would like to see? I mean, it's kind of a cop- the, yeah, it's supposed to be very funny, that one. I forget what it's called.

Oh, you know what I would like to see? I mean, it's kind of a cop-out answer because it's very similar, is the John, no, Odenkirk,

Bob Odenkirk movie where he's like John Wick. Oh. The prequel to like show Oh, the prequel to that one. To show him Yeah, that's a good one. Like when he was this

badass assassin and stuff like that. That's a good idea. The, this is, I mean, This is an impossible fucking question. Fast and Furious, obviously. It's not enough. I guess they've never gone backwards, right? C.C. Dom Toretto in high school.

Well, actually, in the most recent one. I think that will happen. In the most recent one, there are a lot of flashbacks. I think that's going to happen because of this right here. I think that management group or directors or whatever you call those like the the people who make those movies are so smart about like giving the fans what they want i think if this clip gets enough like traction they'd be like all right we'll do it do you think they're just listening to us at this point they're just like what's john gonna say they're just getting

free marketing advice the space thing was like all right we'll take him to space. Yeah. And I think there might be dinosaurs in one eventually. The, fuck, what was I just going to say? They are doing, it's not a prequel, but it's like a Tej offshoot, I think, on Paramount Plus. There's going to be a show. What did you say? Tej. It's Ludacris' character.

Oh, okay. I thought it was like an industry tournament. They're doing it in a Tej offshoot. No. What the fuck is that? A Tej okay yeah yeah they're doing like a they're he's gonna have a serious to luda he's had a great life bro fucking wait and when he did versus like i always thought like i like luda he's got some hits he is like a classic yeah all-time rapper he has amazing hits he was just kind of like fun and light- instead of being like, I'm a gangster, I'm going to murder you. I never dealt drugs or all that shit.

He was just like, bro, I got hoes. Bangs, man. And all his music videos are funny and shit. He's great. I've always said I wanted my thing instead of Better Call Saul was I wanted Mike Ehrmantraut. This is one of your best ideas ever.

Call the show No Half Measures and Mike Ehrmantrarout story of a cop in philly becoming going from cop to like dirty cop to you know cartel uh do you know i never finished better girls all i think you made it like to the finale i think three episodes left that's so i treated better girls all the way i treated college you did i'm about there but I think I'm done. Dude, that doesn't say everything about the show, man. College and Better Call Saul. Just not for me, man. I gave it a really honest try.

Bro, I spent, I think, 56 hours. Here's the question. Did you spend more time in college or watching Better Call Saul? Going to class? Better Call Saul. In college, I was more in college. But going to class? Yeah, yeah, no. watching Better Call Saul? Going to class? Yeah. Better Call Saul. Right, right. In college? I was more in college.

But going to class? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, definitely Better Call Saul. By a long shot, bro. I just said I spent 56 hours. Like, bro, that's a degree. Good man. That's funny.

Yeah, those would probably be my ones. I mean mean you know Prequels are funny They get like Sometimes they get a bad rap And it's like Leave it as is But I'm like always try it

Who knows I completely disagree with that I think that people I think it sucks Like it doesn't ruin it That still stands alone Right Bro like Caddyshack 2

I hear is like one of the worst movies of all time Nobody cares Doesn't fucking matter Right And Caddyshack 1 is great So who cares All those Indiana Jones Like ones with Shia LaBeouf and Crystal Skulls.

That's why I'm a fast boy. But if they hit, they hit. And if they don't, they don't. No big deal. Yeah. No, I'll tell you straight up. The last two Fast and Furious has been a little so-so. Make 10 more.

I don't fucking care. Yeah. I think in music you should stop. You think so? Well, yeah. I don't think I agree with that either. You think so? Well, yeah. I don't think I agree with that either. Because you might just hit one. I think what happens is you come out the other side,

and you're like a different person then. Well, I also say this from the point of view of rap. I think of rap like sports. And I think when you're done with sports, you should hang it up. Do you agree with that? When you're done with sports, you should hang it up. You think you should just play until you're like 50 and have shitty seasons? Well, Kevin, I'm a Tom Brady fan.

But he's not shitty. I know. He says it. Well, Kevin, I'm a Tom Brady fan. But he's not shitty. I know. He says it. When I suck, I'll retire. He says when I suck, I'll retire. So you agree with that. If Tom Brady played when he was kind of like Favre or... Didn't Favre make the NFC Championship his last year?

I don't know if it was his last. He went back to the Vikings and they were like 14-2 at that point. I think that was his last year. And even Peyton won one. But back to the vikings and they were like 14 and 2 at that point right i think that was last year and even peyton peyton like won one but remember when peyton was like really done yeah you could see the ducks and i i think he did always threw it always threw ducks yeah i think he retired pretty quickly after that but in rap and sports i think there's a little bit of like legacy talk where it's like just don't give them that last couple years or those last few albums like eminem is like a punchline to these kids that's crazy that is crazy because he put out just but he's making like he's going like triple platinum still but it's like man it's funny he has a song

where he says um like uh and when your run is over just admit when it's at its end like just go you know and he's kind of not really doing that but I guess if you're talking about album sales he's like my run is not over no but he's talking about my run is not over. No. But he's talking about, in that song, It's Till I Collapse, he's talking about his legacy. He's like talking about who the best rappers ever are. And he's like, I'm at the end of my wits with half the shit that gets in.

So when your run is over, just admit when it's at its end and retire. And he's not. So it's like, well, because I think going out on top in certain cases, but if you're like, I don't know, Rolling Stones or whoever, just keep going.

I think music's so different because for some reason some reason the first artist that come to mind was jason isbell and like he did drive by truckers which was fucking dope and then he got sober and like that was a whole it's a whole different thing right right that's like a second career second act exactly yeah like and i feel like that happens more in country music that guys get sober yeah it's like every country star gets sober. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's time to do it this way.

Right. And then you do it. It's a completely new style of music. I love what Hugh Jackman's doing. I love that. What's that? Like, being Wolverine again for Deadpool. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Like, that's just, like, two guys. Like, let's get the people they want. It'll be awesome. You know? I love that. Like, I love that more than Daniel Craig being like, I fucking hate James Bond. I'm not doing this anymore.

It's like, fuck it, let's go. What did you say, $40 million? No, he made like $100 million. I'm pretty sure it was like $130 million to be James Bond again. I'm not kidding. I think it was nuts. I think it was like a triple digit. I might have made this up.

That's crazy town. But also, I fucking love Daniel Craig, so I don't say anything bad about him. I really think it was like he needed a big number. crazy town, but also I fucking love Daniel Craig, so I don't say anything bad about him. I really think it was like he needed a big number. He was offered $150 for two more bonds.

Okay, so it was two. But still, that's $75 each. That's crazy, right? That's such cake! That's such cake, dude! How long did they take to shoot those? Like a month? A month or two? Dude, if you actually read his interviews, like he hated Bond. He hated being Bond. That's why he needed that much money.

And like if you read the interviews with him where he's like, dude, I would show up on set. And they just didn't have a script. Oh, that's insane. Okay, that's why. Yeah. Because I was like, it's not like a, it's not, I don't mean to disrespect, but it's not like Dom Toretto. Like James Bond is like a literature. It was books.

It was like, yeah, yeah. You're not being like some, like, summer blockbuster joke. Like, there's no reason to hate James Bond. Hang on a second. But, like, that's different. Like, the actual filming of it sucks. Yeah, he was like, he's like, I'd show up. I think he said Skyfall was the only one where there was, like, that's different. If like the actual filming of it sucks. It was, yeah. He was like, he's like, I'd show up. I think he said Skyfall was the only one where there was like a set script.

And he's like, that's the best one. Yeah. Yeah. Turns out there's a fucking recipe for making a movie. Right. And have a script is really step one. Yeah.

Yeah. When is Knives Out 2 coming? Soon? Soon. December. I think it's going to do one week. They're going to do one week in like 600 theaters. And then,

by the way, I do, I was underwhelmed by the trailer. Knives Out is one of my favorite movies of all time. I fucking love Knives Out. I love all those kind of movies. Did you ever watch that one, the Confess Fletch? No, I didn't, but I got to watch it. That's a fun whodunit. A fun whodunit is the move.

I watched his other one, Agony. I watched the, not Death on the Orient Express, the other one. I watched the... Not Death on the Orient Express, the other one. I know what you mean. Death on the Nile. Death on the Nile. Death on the Nile. You're thinking Murder on the Orient.

I don't usually... I just sit down and watch a movie, and I don't try to be like, I'm going to look for the twist or whatever. I'm going to look for the moment. I saw the exact moment where the trick happened. Like the end where it's like, it was actually this person. I saw it in real time.

And I was like, that was not good enough. Because I caught it. And I don't come into it catching. I was like, oh, the way that that person did that thing. I don't want to give it away. But it was like, mm-hmm. He was out there. She was out there.

So that was a little too sloppy. Yeah, it was like you're gonna that was he was out there she was out there you know and so that was a little sloppy yeah it was it was it was not even that it was just like oh it was one of those things where it's like if you don't see the dead body they're not dead sort of thing it was like so that kind of ruined it but i love those i love you ever see the original clue it's great no 80s with which version with fucking what's his name? Which version, right? The guy from Home Alone 2 is in it. Home Alone 2, also, what is it? Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah, I forget his name. It's fun.

Ah, fuck, what's his goddamn name? And they're so, I guess the word is campy. They're overdramatic on purpose and over the top and shit like that. Well, you know the thing about that movie they released on the DVD version? There's three different endings. Or VHS. So people would talk about it and be like,'s crazy he did it and no he didn't it's like no yeah people were arguing about it it's awesome why wait guys that was called the glass onion that's the two yeah what does that mean don't know that sounds like something you put in your ass or something like go to adam and eve get a glass onion Tim Curry Tim Curry No that's not what I'm talking about

He's in Home Alone 2 Yeah yeah Oh no we're all talking about the same person Oh okay got it got it got it Um Alright You got any prequels? I would love to see

Entourage seven years later Eight years later Probably That gets depressing fast brother That's a lot of cocaine addictions And alcohol Oh you know what i would like happy gilmore when he's a hockey player oh that would be fun fucking great answer bro

get hurt or flame out but also he was never a hockey player is that well whenever he was he sucked yeah he was not he kept going to tryouts but like he was not good so then that so his high school years yeah well I feel like that's just goon then. If you haven't seen Goon, that's a fucking great movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you can just watch John Feidelberg's high school highlights. Next up. Moneyball too?

Dude, Moneyball came to mind for me as well. I don't know why. Wait, that's like a true story. It doesn't work? It doesn't make any sense. It's so weird. Just Billy Keane sucking at baseball. And like that was, yeah, Moneyball was one of the first things I thought of, but it doesn't make any sense. It's so weird. Just Billy Beane sucking up baseball. And that was, yeah, Moneyball was one of the first things I thought of,

but it doesn't make any sense. It's just Billy Beane being bad in AAA. All right, so I'm not going to lie. I have called KFC years ago with the same question, and it's never got posted. But, yeah, first time, long time. No, you posted um but yeah first time long time uh no you're not second time long years ago i was dating this girl semi-serious whatever we were living together and she had left for work for a couple of hours or whatnot and i had went to starbucks with this

side piece and when she came back from work I was napping and she woke me up and she was like, Hey, you went to Starbucks. You didn't ask me if I wanted anything joking. And I was like, yeah, no, I just went and like, uh, got a coffee or whatever. And I came right home and fell asleep. She was like, Oh, like you went by yourself. And I was like, yeah. And she was like, Oh, you just got a coffee. Like you weren't hungry or nothing. I was like yeah and she was like oh you just got a coffee like you weren't hungry or nothing I was like no I just got a coffee and she takes the tag off my coffee and it was like item one out of three and ended up calling me out and I had no answer for that so my question being is I guess um like what type of sticky situation particularly in a relationship have you found

yourselves in which is no answer like you just know you're fucked i don't know you're a listener of the show huh not exactly uh a long time listener first time not so long time you you said your first time, long time. It was your second time calling, and you're clearly not a long time. But that's a new one. Starbucks barista sticker is, I haven't heard that one. That is very. It's also just a crazy move to just fucking go to Starbucks.

Go on a date with your side piece and then come home. Side piece is you fucking that's it. That might be like, we went to Starbucks. She's like, suck my dick in the parking lot in the car. She's like, suck my dick in the car. We went to you fucking, that's it. That might be like, we went to Starbucks, she like, sucked my dick in the parking lot of the car. Like, she sucked my dick in the car, we went and got Starbucks

afterwards sort of thing. That is tough. That would make more sense, but that is, that is, but also, I think that is, and obviously,

it's a little different in your situation, but like, if it's a girlfriend, you're like, ah, yeah, you got me.

Yeah, like, are we breaking up? Like, okay, what are we doing here? I don't know, I don't know what to tell you. You're right'm right we're we're done here yeah um did i i think

i talked about this with you guys i don't know if i said it on the air the alexa did i talk about that on the podcast it's ringing a bell guy who uh yes he had the tiktok went viral of her like she had the the log of all of his alexa requests and there's a girl being like turn volume up turn volume down they live together it's like that's not me talking shut your god damn mouth you don't tell my Alexa what to do I tell my Alexa what to do there's so many ways to get

caught it is I mean we've talked about this ad nauseam like we're like you know there was a time there was like when my parents were younger like my dad could have broken up with a girlfriend and then just never seen her and never left town like yeah like he could like just never see her again and never like probably she never called and if she did it was just like a hang up and whatever how many motherfuckers i have blocked nowadays and and it's just even if

you don't even if you don't have like a stalker x like just you don't get the clean break you still see them on instagram and see them on social media like there's no way to just be like i'm done with that i'm moving on it's fucking crazy for i think everybody to go through it is it is a a daunting task to break up in this for real it's like better to just be like i don't know let's stick it out because you know it's like it's like i'm not i'm not we're not even broken up actually i'm still hearing from you we're still fighting i might as well still be fucking you you know because we're not we're not even clean break i i also i think there's something to be said for like the easier you get caught i think the more like innocent of a person you are where it's like

if you think to make sure you clear your Alexa log every night or something like that, you're a fucking sociopathic cheater. You know, whereas if it's like, yeah, like I didn't like clear all the cookies out of my browser or something that you caught me because I was just like so fed up with this. I fucked a girl. I wasn't like maniacally like, how am I going to fuck it? You know, it was just like, like yeah if you if you go through like the records of my phone and all these crazy like there there are so many things you can do with a phone that you don't know about where it's like oh check here for the deleted this and i actually i intentionally don't learn about those things really i like i intentionally do not learn

just so i don't think that like i don't suspect because i don't know if you've ever had someone on your phone kevin um it's what you think about all the time for the rest of your life. Yeah. No, I know. It's all you fucking think about forever. So, like, I intentionally try and not learn much about technology because I'll just stress about it forever. Ever, dude. I mean, these are the devil.

These are the fucking devil. And then you see these TikToks where a lot of girls of girls would be like like tip number two to catch him like make sure you open up this folder in the phone because he'll know to delete this but he won't do that and like and they they all uh crowdsource it you know what i mean it's like we need some guy i like when jackie just throws out a quick laugh yeah yeah we do but to me, we do. But to me, that's almost like, it's like, God. I mean, I know this is generalization, and I'm sure it goes both ways, but it just feels like on a larger scale with chicks, it's like they're just always worrying about relationships.

You're just like always talking about dudes and shit. You know what I mean? It's like I just wouldn't even take the time to watch a TikTok to then learn how to go through my girl's phone. I just don't care i don't i i i think i say this on the interview with maddie where i'm like i expressly i'm like do not tell me your password yeah because i don't want to be able to get into it i don't want you to think that i could be into it i'm out and it's usually it should be like if you're

already if you're doing that you're probably reached a point where the relationship should be over but even if you're just like i'm in in love with him, but I'm addicted to snooping and I do it anyway. It's just like, boy, that's a shame because you're going to find something you hate. It's like, I could go my whole life. You look at my phone, you're going to find something you hate. It doesn't matter who you are. I could promise you my whole life I won't go through your phone. I do not want to.

I do not care. And if you are cheating, then like, I don't know. So be it, man. I don't go through your phone I do not want to Do not care And if you are cheating Then like I don't know So be it man I don't know Maybe I'll catch you Maybe we won't Maybe you'll be lucky

If I walk in the house And you're fucking someone I'm going to be pretty upset Aside from that That's about it You're going to be fine Yeah yeah yeah And even then

If you just give me like a Really really really pinky promise That you won't do it again I'll probably be fine Because I get it I fucking get it I was listening to joe de rosa on uh sickler and he was talking about relationships and stuff and he was waxing poetic about how good which by the way i'm on sickler now so if you oh yeah right now go listen to john on sickler

uh de rosa was talking about how much he loves Salvocano like really genuinely like nice he almost like started tearing up like talking about how good of a friend Ryan Sickler is and he told another story about a guy DeRosa put his car in the shop and then had to go like to LA for work or to New York LA for work went out went out of town

and his friend called him up and was like which like mechanic like where where did you go put your car i'm gonna go check in on it because i think that guy's like fucking around on like your bill or whatever and it's like he was like that's such a good friend thing to do like look out for my it's also like a really smart like you have that kind of knowledge yeah yeah right and he and and so he's going on and on about these guys. And then because his main point at the end was like, and I could never fucking live with them. Because when you invite someone to live with you, you eventually hate them.

Like no matter what. You hate the way they leave laundry out or food out or they don't clean or the way they sleep or the way they blah, blah, blah. And so you have this like great relationship. And then you're going to just put this intense stressor on it for what? I think his point was like things like monogamy and living together and all this stuff are kind of like, eh, what's really the point of doing it? You know, because it's like even with – if you can't do it with your best friends, you end up being like, I want to wring your neck. Now doing it with a girlfriend or a boyfriend who never – you're never on a best friend level, you know. You're always on a dating level.

Right, right. You're never on a best friend level. You're always on a dating level. So if best friends can't survive it, dating is certainly not going to survive it unless you just close your eyes and pretend. There's nobody who's actually like, yeah, no, no, we've been living together for 20 years and everything is perfect. It's like we're 20 years and we grit our teeth over the shit that we fucking hate. You want to hear a funny story actually? I probably shouldn't tell this on the podcast, but fuck it. My parents refuse to eat in our dining room anymore because together because they know they i mean they eat together still but they won't eat in the dining room because everything like they just moved into this house and the first three dinners they had they fought at it and they're like we're done in the dining room love it it just doesn't work it just doesn't work that

is funny though to be like 0 for 3. Right. Like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Like Thursday night, you're like, it happened again? You've got to be fucking kidding me. My mom was like, yeah, we just don't use the dining room anymore. I love that. It's like sports juju.

It's like, Hank, I've got to go watch in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't do it anymore. So now they eat together, but just like in the TV room or something. There's also a dining room table. Or not a dining room, I guess a kitchen table. I mean, you've been there. They eat in the kitchen now rather than the dining room.

That is awesome. I love them. Alright, last voicemail today is brought to you by Blue Nile. If you are in love with somebody and you do want to propose and you want to get that ring, you want to make sure that it's nice and high quality and a nice cut and a lot of carrots and you want to propose and you want to get that ring, you want to make sure that it's nice and high quality

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it is just like every other website you order your your uh all of your stuff in your life from except now you're doing it for your jewelry your diamonds and everything in between uh make your moment sparkle with blue nile go to blueNile.com. Use promo code Kevin. Save $50 on your purchase of $500 or more. We're talking everything from little fun bracelets and jewelry for an anniversary or just a Valentine's Day all the way up to the engagement ring, the big one. And it's all priced significantly below traditional retailers. They'll help you with the shape size clarity settings all of it they have jewelry experts on hand 24 7 you can talk

on the phone or chat and you'll find that memorable memorable gift for every budget level go to blue nile.com b-l-u-e-n-i-l-e.com code kevin save 50 on your purchase of $500 or more. BlueNile.com. Code Kevin. Hi. I'm your favorite mom. I'm trying to be quiet as I can. Sleeping baby. White noise machine going on. Shout out, John. I went to the doctor for my annual checkup,

and I told him I've been having a lot of anxiety, depression, being a new mom, and just having to deal with everything professionally and personally and his advice was to take Tums

so I just wanted to see what the worst piece of advice was from a doctor that you guys may have gotten I was going to say we both have obvious answers here what's mine? piece of advice was from a doctor that you guys may have gotten john you got this i'm gonna say like we both have obvious answers what's mine no no oh you and her yeah yeah yeah um yeah no mine

is uh i thought i had herpes and uh i went to the doctor and he was like dude if you just like shower after sex like you'll never get anything and i believe his exact quote was you could swim in gonorrhea as long as you take a shower afterwards you're fine i just can't believe that's even true he was wearing cargo shorts uh do you like i have anxiety depression here chew up some chow do you have a thumbs by the way why are you the white noise guy why did you get that shout out oh because last when i was at my buddy's house last weekend Oh, yes, yes I thought it was for the baby

I listen to white noise too Why did you get that? Yeah, that's tough The chlamydia one's tough to beat Gonorrhea You can swim in gonorrhea Also, by the way, I still operate under the fact that that is fact I haven't really changed much.

The... Medical advice. Also, I also have really crooked pinkies. Yeah. And I guess when I was younger, they were considering putting braces on them to straighten them out. Well, we know who didn't have that, right? It was a guy who had the same pinkies, right?

Larry Bird. Larry Bird. Larry Bird. So, yeah, Larry Bird has fingers like me, which is why I didn't get my fingers fixed. But that was your decision or the doctor said, hey, Larry Bird. No, it was like nine. It was my mom's decision. But the doctor was like, Larry Bird has these fingers, so you should leave it alone?

It was kind of like he just said it with a shrug. Well, Larry Bird's got fingers like that. And my mom was like, oh, was kind of like he just like said it with a shrug where's that larry bird's got fingers like that and my mom was like oh larry bird does i i didn't go through with this but when i shredded up my shoulder i went to a doctor and he was like i mean i couldn't move and i was like this this needs surgery i don't even need to look at the the the mris or whatever you don even need to look at the MRIs or whatever. Oh, you don't have to look at this? I was just saying the decision to do it. But he comes back and he goes, actually, no, no, no.

This is – you can heal on your own. We're going to put you in a sling, but you're going to go out instead of in. So it's almost like some rookie of the year type of shit. I would have just been walking around like this. Like I'm a gun out. See, but it would be totally immobilized and had to be up against my body and then stick out and like have this thing that connected around my waist.

And I just would have been like this for like weeks and weeks and weeks. And we went to a second opinion, which was like the surgeon for the jets or one of those stories, you know? And he was like the surgeon for the jets or one of those stories you know and he was like uh absolutely not like no fucking shot your entire labrum all your tendons all your ligaments they are all torn like no way and he was like i don't know who the fuck told you that but like that guy should legit not have a job. Dude, I did that same exact thing basically, but it was with the Florida State football surgeon. And it was like I can't drive.

I couldn't drive. It was the up movement, right? I couldn't get up. To the point where I would like fucking put my chin on the wheel. And the doctor was like, he's like, nah, you're fine, dude. You're good, dude. I'm driving a car with my mouth. I feel like i'm not and i also got when i since i had three shoulder surgeries the first one they went arthroscopic

and then it popped back out and then it's like doctor gospel i understand that like the next one you do open surgery you fix it like right you don't just go in with a couple vocals and they got a second arthroscopic just because, I don't know, the doctor was like, it's less invasive and we'll fix it that way. And then when I went to the third one, he was like, it's fucking like disbar type territory. Or like not disbar because that's lawyers, right? But like lose your license type territory as a doctor

for doing a second arthroscopic surgery for this. Really? I mean, you see my scar on this one. It looks like a fucking pussy. It's a big gnarly scar because he was like, we gotta fucking open this one up. So he was like, whoever did your second surgery, fuck that guy. And I'm like, yeah, fuck that guy.

Fuck these people. You guys ruined my lives. I got the doctor. The second doctor did arthroscopic. I got the kid who stabbed my spine with the needle. I'm like, you guys, fuck you guys, man. Stop fucking me up yeah i'm gonna go to start going to the japanese eastern medicine guys and fucking do it that way all right

interview time with maddie smith i cannot oversell maddie enough like she is awesome she will if this is your introduction to maddie if you are a guy you'll love her if you're a girl you'll love her young old black white whatever her sense of humor is just unparalleled it's just like the perfect type she's very very talented uh comedian and uh she's on she's very funny on while and out like always witty got quick bars uh and so this is our first interview with her she is great it's brought to you by ridge wallet where is it did i drop it a second ago? I was playing with my wallet a second ago.

Here's the Ridge Wallet, as thin as can be. You got a couple cards in there. I like the black on white. It does look very sharp. Oreo style. Do you think though, this is kind of like reverse Oreo, right? Yeah, reverse Oreo. Do you think that white is a chick color? Do you think that white is a chick color? Right, that? Do you think that white is a chick color?

I mean cars. Right. Okay, that's what I was going to say. If you have a white car, you're a chick. Chicks are drug dealers. They're drug dealers. Is that true? I don't know.

It is just so funny how chicks... I don't know. Chicks who have... If you have a white car, you're a baddie. You're probably a hot chick. Yeah, yeah. It's not even just chicks. It's, you're a baddie. You're probably a hot chick. It's not even just chicks. It's like you're a hot chick, and you had to make sure you had your little white fucking RAV4 or whatever it is. Like a Honda Civic.

You drive with your foot up on the fucking car. Why are you laughing? You know one? I know so many. Yeah. It is so funny. They don't even consider another color jackie's over there like my car's brown yeah fuck uh you can get a brown wallet a white wallet black wallet

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Yeah. No, I mean, that's a real. Pop Ellie's right down the stairs. It sounds like something that's like fucking made up, but it's real. It's got the money clip right here. So you just pull up the strap and bam, you can carry your cash as well as all your cards right in there. It is as sleek and simple as possible. Six different colors and styles in the carbon and burnt titanium. There's over 30 different other colors for the minimalistic style.

So you can check out their site, Ridge.com, and use promo code KFC for 10% off your order. It's Ridge.com. Oh, they also have new keys. So there's 30 colors for the wallet. There's six different colors for the keychains that can help you secure anywhere from two to six keys. And it keeps it all in a compact silhouette fold out with your keys.

So get your wallet and your keys all in order at Ridge.com. Promo code KFC for 10% off your order. It's Maddie Smith on KFC Radio. Let's talk to her. You ready, Rock? Yes. Maddie Smith is here. We just did a little like Mythbusters thing here.

You can just pull it. Oh, done. Good? Yes. Okay. just did a little like myth busters thing here you can just pull it oh done good yes okay uh we just did a little myth busters here um with duct tape okay so actually i'm just gonna get your opinion on this story real quick this guy we do like am i the asshole here we decide in in little like tidbit stories who behaved like an asshole on the story we did one that was pretty pretty fucking obvious um It was this guy role-playing with his wife. She tied him up

and then blindfolded him and then started looking through his phone while he was tied up. Baller! Queen! Changing the game! Just another idea to write down for the next time I get involved with a man.

No offense to you guys, but I don't know what's going on. Anyway, continue. Continue, continue. That's the whole thing, or is there more? That was the whole... Then he was like, I just got out of it, and I said, what are you doing? She was like, I had a gut feeling,

so I should be able to... I can't believe you're holding this against me. I had a feeling and I needed to check it out and like find out for myself Paz I saw you opened it what was the edit

because the edit that we didn't get to did you find it there was nothing there was nothing so like here's the thing if you do that you better

be right nevermind that's just details if you find something see I am of the belief you know in in court when they're like, strike that from the record.

Like, you never heard that. Right. But it's like the judge, the jury's like, we already heard it. It's too late. Right. But it's like, that should be inadmissible because you didn't follow the rules. I kind of think that's like, all right, you might have found something on my phone, but you found it by like fucking tying me up.

So that doesn't count. That's how I feel. If someone tied me up and did that, not that I don't think a guy would. You know what I mean? He knows that my DMs are empty. But if, yeah, if that happened to me, I would argue more about the way they did it. Yeah, yeah, right. So whether or not there's someone's nudes in my shit, I'm like, yo, but you did it unethically.

You just tied me up, sexually assaulted me. Yeah, it's like poachers. You know what I mean? I don't know what I'm saying. That's how poachers act. You're like, that's not fair. You can't do that you gotta sneak up

and do what you want and sell my tusk I'm just saying it's unfair it's unfair just like the elephants in the Serengeti or whatever

yeah also if you're at the point of going through the phone like it's over that's such a good point that's like the number one rule of everything it should be

but the amount of people myself included I stayed through someone going through my phone. So much, so much. But did you guys ever go through anyone's phones? No. No. Guys don't do that.

But, you know, we're going to speak generally. Like, it's like, I don't want to know, you know? I don't want to know is a thing. I've said it so far, like, if I've had someone, like, have me order food on their phone or change the song, and they're like, here, my password's blank, and I'll interrupt them. I'll be like, oh, I don't want to know your password. I want you to know that I don't know your password. So I'll get up, and I'll bring you your phone, and you can do your shit.

But I don't want you to think. I hate even the looming of when you leave your phone in the room, and then you're like, I know they know my password. And I know there's nothing in it that's that bad but like if you want to find something to be pissed at you'll find it

oh you'll find something to be pissed at whether it's like a screenshot or something they could dig I also hate like I can't help who texts me

you know if you find me saying shit that you don't like that's one thing but like you know if someone has my number

gaslight phrase I can't know who fucking wants my dick no but what i was thinking though what i was thinking is when you plug your phone in in the car and someone texts and it pops up and it's like no i don't that is a goddamn scumbag it's so stupid like the ad that was Apple Play? I won't do CarPlay. I won't listen to cassette tapes over CarPlay because when that shit pops up, you're like, oh, fuck. Dude, I've done it. Like, you're gripping the studio.

Yeah, like, even before a text might pop up, I'm just, like, looking like, uh, what if it does? What if it does? Girl, I've run tests being like, do muted people come through? Right. Right. You got to know. Do people on silent, do they come through this phone?

I've had it with, like, even it's just, like they come through this phone? I've had it with like, even it's just like, it's stuff that's being asked that is like, it's not even, what they're doing isn't even like really prying or anything like that.

They're just making conversation. But they'll be like, oh, what's Kevin talking about? Yeah. And I'm like, none of your fucking business. Right, right. And we're literally

just talking about work, but like, I don't like that you can see that I'm texting with Kevin right now. Right. You play the music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the time

my battery's almost fine I'll listen to 2000s rap yeah that shit gives everybody anxiety what they need to do is have like a person who has been through

toxic relationships design your car absolutely because that shit is not safety proof when it comes down to it That's what I want Before a seatbelt Is like me

To be able to Customize car play Because That shit pops out I agree I've always said that With like Like red carpet

Like celebrities On the red carpet Should hire like Memers Because it always seems Like every single Fucking celebrity On a red carpet

Turns into a meme Always looks exactly Like some cartoon Yeah We like It's just have Like the most Popular Like a consultant to be like here's how exactly how you want to look actually salvador fucking little dolly like avant-garde spongebob yeah like get ahead of the memes right i'm in on the joke i'm cam yes fuck you fuck you fuck you this also though was this more to the point was,

John said, if you ever tie me up in a chair, I will get out of it. Like, not just, like, in this situation, like, movie situation, like, you know, you're kidnapped, hostage, tied to a chair.

He was like, I will 100% get out of it. He said he would either stand up and, like, throw himself down and break the chair. He said as long as he has access to his toes to be able to push. So, he also was like, oh to be able to push. So, he also was like, oh, if you duct tape my hands,

I can get out of that. And I said, let's put this to the test. Lo and behold, we have some fucking duct tape. Oh, shit. Okay. I can say in full faith that I couldn't, so don't even try. That's our new guest thing. Imagine that if I was like, so, we're going to tie you to a chair, bitch. Oh, my God. Barstool's so

cool. One of the guys. The rumors are not true. The rumors aren't true. They just tied me up with duct tape. No, it's so cool. I love sports. Obsessed with whiskey.

Okay, yeah. So we tied you up, and you said you could get out? Really? That's confident. So I rafted around like three times. You have like Irish fucking. We're doing you, right? Is that what you said?

Yeah. No, we did it. Oh, you did it? Oh, shit. Really? So at first, I? No, no, no. We did it. Oh, you did it? Oh, shit. Really? So at first I did, like, I just went, like, two, three times around. Right. And he was like, oh, I got this.

I can already feel it. And he just went like this. And it broke off. And then we did more. And then we did more. This, feel that. Dude. That's a lot.

And I zigzagged it there. Oh, wow. Yeah. It kind of looks like what a sumo wrestler wears. It's really cute, actually. I said it was binoculars.. It kind of looks like what a sumo wrestler wears. It's really cute, actually. I said it was binoculars. That's like for a sumo wrestler cat. Okay, so this was around your hand.

Oh, you know what? You could use this as wraps under your boxing glove. There you go. That's my box. That's my plug. Okay, this is crazy. You should hold on to this for bondage future. Apparently, Maddie throws hands.

This will be for me in my ring. But this was the one You didn't get That was the one I ended up scratching it out Eventually I guess it was this one He went And it just didn't go anywhere

It was just It was locked But this is all to say That if you're ever In a situation Tied up Or duct taped up And it's not like

A ton Could have used this info Last night Yay When he was going Through my phone Wouldn't that be funny too or duct taped up and it's not like a ton. Could have used this info last night. I was going through my phone. I was going through my phone. Wouldn't that be funny too though if like,

you know, he or she thinks like you're all set and you're just like, give me the phone back. Right. Just super like adrenaline mode. But I wouldn't have thought,

I thought duct tape was like one of those things that's like, this is the strongest material in the world. But if you're ever tied up in duct tape, you're good.

Don't worry. Okay. Sounds good. We also, we also tried to duct tape you're good don't worry okay sounds good we also we also tried to duct tape his mouth that's the first thing to tell someone in case you get tied

up in duct tape you'll be fine we dive into our interviews all the time this is the most socially awkward I've ever been she probably thinks

this is super weird right no I think this is great just another day in the life you know because if you were being honest it was like

and someone said how was barstool well the first thing you know? Because if you were being honest, it was like, and someone said, like, how was Barstool? I'd be like, well, the first thing they told me was if you ever duct taped, it would be okay. And people would go, that makes sense. We talked a lot about tying people up. Like, more than a usual amount. Your question, Colleen, for around the office today should be, if you were duct taped up, do you think you'd get out of it? Yes. Because I wonder, I was like, no, no way.

I didn't even try it. I don't want to fucking do that. I don't want to do that, and it sounds like it would hurt my skin. Oh, yeah. I'm quite irritated at the moment. Yeah, but he doesn't have any hair on his, he's like an inside out cat. He doesn't have any hair on his skin. Well, we look like siblings, so don't even make fun of him.

All three of us look like a trio. We could be from the same family. Or cousins that like flirt. We just were talking about that, too, actually. What? Am I the asshole for wanting to be my cousin Or no No no no different thing

We have a lot of cousin questions here A lot of cousin questions We were talking about I think we were talking about someone Who had a threesome Do you know Brittany Schmidt comedian Yes I do Her clip went viral where she was talking about how she had a threesome with an NBA player and his cousin.

Whoa. And I think that's kind of weird. And I thought that that was more of an ethnic thing. I thought white guys are not fucking with their cousins. Black guys might do that a little more often. White guys are fucking with their cousins. It just depends on what state you're in. So that's where we.

That's why. I was thinking like me, me and my like Jewish cousins from the Upper West Side, we're not having a threesome together. Right. Yeah. I don't know why not. Put a schmear on it.

Let's go. I hate myself. But, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Would you, would you fuck with your cousins?

No. Mostly because they're weird. You know what I mean? I'm like, it's not, it's like you were cooler. I'd fuck with you. They're literally like good looking, but mean? It's like you were cooler, I thought. They're literally good looking, but they can't look me in the eyes.

I'm like, give me something. But yeah, I don't know. The threesome, I've never met a dude who would want to do a threesome with another dude, if I'm going to be honest. Every time I propose a threesome, because I'm a devil in relationships, I like to ask questions that you can't get right. So every time I ask, he says, with another girl. How early would you whip that question out? First date type shit? No, I'm kidding.

Probably like one and a half years in when you start to get a little bored. Right. And then you propose it seriously, but what you're doing is only doing reconnaissance on it. I kind of prodded a little bit of just like, hey, bringing a bitch in here. Just because I was trying to find anything to spice things up. Turns out I just didn't

like the guy. That's really what it comes down to. But no matter how the dude responds, you're wrong. Were you doing it, was it a real proposition? Or were you doing it to just be like, I want to see what your answer is? I think it was a little bit of both. I was being a little spicy. I was being a little bit of, like, even just hearing the answer kind of gets you turned on a little bit.

I'm a cuck. Well, no no you know what I think that has officially you know foot fetish is now kind of like who doesn't have

a foot fetish like it's kind of like a little bit of a mainstream fetish we both pulled back like I don't know not that I dislike feet

but I was like I don't know everyone's got a foot fetish out of all the kinks of the world though like foot fetish is the one that everybody knows

it's the punchline it's the cliche and a lot of guys Out of all the kinks of the world, though, foot fetish is the one that everybody knows. It's the punchline. It's the cliche. And a lot of guys have been open about their interest in feet, even that I've dated. It's more of a normal thing. That's not supposed to sound weird. No.

You're like, no, I'm into a nice foot. Would you then provide the foot? I never do that shit with it. No. Is this a censored show or no? No. Okay, I saw a radio so I had to check if the FCC was here no no but would you like send pictures of it then or something no no I don't like my info on the cloud I'll take a nude and immediately delete it it's

just for me I'm like if it was up to me I would be like snapping a polaroid and probably sending it in an envelope to you okay some Jeffrey Dah Jeffrey Dahmer shit. Just Jeffrey Dahmer shit. But yeah, I would never do... I've never done dick foot play. You know what I mean? I think it's more of just like adds to your femininity if you have a good foot.

I get that. A foot and a heel. It's like, yeah, that's what chicks do. Chicks do feet and heels, right? Right? No, guys, right? They do. They do feet and heels. right? Right? No, guys, right? They do.

They do feet and heels. I feel like everyone's going pretty silent for me saying women wear high heels. I didn't quite get what you were saying. I guess the way you were saying it. You could hear a pin drop in the room. That was crazy, dude. Fuck all you guys. You said girls like feet and heels?

I said it adds to feminine energy or something like that. And I was like, yeah, like it's a heel because your foot's exposed. A high heel. I thought you were talking about the heel of a foot. That's what I was talking about. Feet.

Right, right. You meant a high heel. A high heel, yeah. I was like, I think they like the toes actually, not the heels. I was like, okay,

my man likes the Achilles tendon. No problem. He's got high arches. He's got plantar fasciitis. What do you think of that, baby? What's that called When you have the things On the outside

That people have to get The bunion The bunion Yeah Oh I love watching A good bunion Like I like to watch like

Pimple poppers And shaving feet And shit like that Ew I don't mess with that That's horrifying Have you ever seen What they do for the surgery? It's straight up wild

No No it's not gross But it's actually They just like Fucking break your toe Really? And surgery? It's straight up wild. No. No. No, it's not gross, but it's actually, they just like fucking break your toe. Really? And put it, it's kind of like the nose job. Like they just break that shit and then put it into place and then like put a screw in. So it just like your toe will stay straight now.

But they also now, instead of, if you don't want to have surgery, they have kind of like a device that like you hook around your, your toe. So then, and then you put like a like a bungee cord like a stretchy thing and it just pulls your toe until like over time it just pulls that shit back and braces for feet i think it's gotta be long yeah like braces for feet exactly like that i got braces on my toes um it's almost like you guys have never heard of china yeah braces for my feet It's a whole lifestyle When it's like It's like old women With like a

Small feet And the neck That's like None of that shit can be You want a long neck Yeah You're just saying that right Yeah

Yeah okay No one's ever been like Yo I need a long neck I guess if you If you were like a Like a guinea with a meat head Like It would suck to be a dude

With like a short neck Like that guy Well I think it's usually It's not really your neck It's just that If you have big traps head like stretch me out man it would suck to be a dude with like a short neck like that well i think it's usually it's not really your neck it's just that if you have big traps it gives the illusion of it but if you just had a tiny neck yeah that would be great what's a tiny neck that guy a 90 day fiance oh yeah yeah i i've never seen the best i know you don't do the memes he looks like he got hit in the head with a cartoon sledgehammer. What's Flubber? Flubber?

Flubber? What's Flubber? The movie with Robin Williams? Yeah. He looks like he's got a Flubber. He does have a Flubber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that guy's amazing.

He is great. We're all over the place. I can't remember what my original point was. I don't know what we're talking about. Yeah, I love that. That's great. We were fucking riffing like crazy. We were fucking riffing.

That was good. That was wild. We were talking about the duct tape and then... There was a point. I had like a question to ask or whatever. Oh, okay. So my point about the foot fetish being like the popular fetish, which went over like a fucking lead balloon.

It is a popular fetish. I agree. It is. I agree. The new shit though is they put a word on being a cuck, and it's called compersion. Oh, I've never heard of this. So now you can be, it just means like you get off on your loved one getting off. Okay.

It's more like I want to see my loved one be loved also. Not like I want to see her get fucking pounded out, but that's what we're going to apply it to. Okay, I can identify with that. But don't you think now like that's like you're trying to get away from being called a cuck and be like, oh no, I participate in compersion. I would much rather be a compersion than a cuck. That's what I'm saying.

At the end of the day. So I really think, however, the cuck has more of a violent tonage to it. You know what I mean? It does. It's never like- Sitting in the corner of the hotel room watching your wife get pounded out by a dude.

It's like you're usually like duct taped. Yeah, duct taped shit. It's never like- Sitting in the corner of the hotel room watching your wife get pounded out by a dude. It's like you're usually like duct taped. Yeah, duct taped shit. It's not like you're just like, oh, wow, I love watching you celebrate your sexuality. This is amazing. No, it's- It's like, no, this guy's three times as big as me. And I am fully hard. And I think it has to do with my upbringing and my mother.

But I have compersion. Always does. But it's called a little- What was it called? Compersion. I like to think that it has nothing to do with that, where it's just more like they're upset that right-wingers stole the word from them. Cuck.

Yeah, and they're like, you know what? Right-wingers steal cuck? Did I say it a lot? Like, if you're making fun of a left liberal, they'd be like, you soy boy beta cuck. Oh, beta cuck, beta cuck, beta cuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, there's some cuck out there.

It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on. Definitionally. Like, no, it's actually a right-wing guy. I voted for Trump. I just like to jerk off to my wife getting fucked. What are you talking about, man? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not a cuck. I voted for Trump. Trump 2024. That would actually be a very funny... That would be a very funny skit.

A right-wing actual cuck who's just mad at the world about it. Let's draft it. Let's draft it, baby. That would be very good. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Hey, we're all having fun, guys. Let's relax for a second.

Let's relax for a cock talk. We can still do Soy Boy. We can still do Beta, but leave cock alone, all right? Leave cock alone. Seriously. Take back cock 20.3. I didn't know you were in New York until, obviously, this was all set up. I saw your Instagram being like, I'm at the stand or wherever you were in New York Until obviously this was all set up I was like I saw your Instagram being like

You know I'm at the stand Or wherever you were that night And I was like Oh you're in town I gotta get you in while you're here And you were like I live here too Yeah I was like

I guess you're on the road so much Yeah I'm on the road a lot I'm on the road a lot Is Wildin out in LA? In Atlanta Atlanta that's right We filmed that all at once We filmed that all at once

How What does all at once mean Like a week? So we filmed a whole season in like two weeks Yeah That's gotta be grinding It's a lot It We filmed that all at once. We filmed that all at once. What does all at once mean? Like a week? So we filmed a whole season in like two weeks. Yeah. That's got to be grinding. It's a lot. It's a lot all at once.

It's very. How many in like a day? Three. Three episodes in a day? And occasionally four. Because like, you know, here's a little behind the scenes for you guys. Oh, someone got COVID. So we had to shut down the set.

Then they jammed four episodes into one day. Yo. So we could finish. And you got to do, you change your hair and makeup and clothes honestly no they slow they slow all that down just because it's more about getting all the episodes out they're like uh less wardrobe changes but i guess it's like if you just change a hoodie or whatever it's not like you're in like yeah i'm like a hoodie kind of girl yeah i'm pretty i'm pretty easy jogger a weird hairstyle whatever you guys want to do on me that show man

shout out to Nick Cannon he's been I mean that's it's been around a long time 20 seasons I was about to say 20 but I was like I don't know if it's that long or not

that is dope how many have you been around for 7 7 yes whoa can you believe that no that's

you've been around almost half of the time of I know isn't that crazy it's like a third of the time I'm with a third yeah I'm with a third oh my god such a loser I get nervous around men but yeah I've been on for a long I know, isn't that crazy? It's like a third of the time. Yeah. Almost a third. Oh my God.

I'm such a loser. I get nervous around men. But yeah, I've been on for a long time. I started right before the pandemic and then there was a halt and everything. Oh, so, okay. So seven, so you did like seven seasons in like three, four years?

Yeah, the three. Yeah. That's wild. So it's really fun. I love the show. I'm really grateful to have been on it because it's like, I don't have to have a job. Is that, that's like a salary or like a it's like per you get paid for your per episode yeah so very cool so it's really cool I like it it's um you you met Roan through that or no

he was like okay I think he wrote a couple sketches and shit I think he was almost at one point gonna like work for them full-time And he's friends with the other rapper on Wild N' Out, Sharon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is the Canadian version of Rone. Right, right. But I, okay, so this is embarrassing. I was on Sabada, Son of a Boy Dad. And I was like 10 minutes into the podcast, and I was like, wait, you're Rone?

And I didn't know, but I knew about Rone. Oh, shit. Yo, I met Francis before, and he was like, my friend Rone. I had known of Rone. You know, you just know of people. Yeah, yeah because yo I met Francis before and he was like my friend Roan I had known of Roan you know you just know of people and on the fucking podcast I was like

you're Roan like a fucking idiot and so it's a little shaky between us he was like yeah I am and now I'm gonna

eviscerate you with a bow wrap yeah he probably thinks about me at night while he paces he does that kind of shit I've asked him that before

I'm like you know is your brain like always going and he's like yeah I pretty much I walk before. I'm like, you know, is your brain like always going? He's like, yeah, I pretty much, I walk in,

I size everybody up, what they're wearing, what they look like. How would I like, you know, verbally assault them? And then I just stop and then I'm cool.

But, but it's all up there right away. Right. I guess I kind of feel the same way about roasting, but I try to suppress it more because I'm trying to be

a more positive person. Roasting gets so uncomfortable. Oh yeah. It's horrifying. and i've said the rudest shit in my life and then afterwards you have to be like sorry but even though what you said was like actually true that's when it's like it's not like sorry like it's like we knew what we were doing here but it is like i'm just joking but you're not because it's like i do look like that or my face my hair is like you know right whatever it is like that shit is real joke about someone on wild and out it was a girl and i said how

do you lose weight but still look the same and um uh those things not been the same since then oh no things have been the same but you're like that is so like true that you had you just like it's gonna be a rough you have to be like was it worth the TV moment to make it shaky between you and one of the only girls on this show we have no

at all but you're just like it's so true it's like such a true rose joke that you're like sorry to generalize again

especially with girls you know what I mean guys have a little bit more of a chance they'll lie about it and suppress it but after time they'll be like oh oh, yeah, I forgot about that. There's a couple guys here who at one time I was like, you're fucking dead to me.

And then now I'm like, I don't really like you anymore. But we're still cool. Yeah, guys are a little bit better at kind of working over the beef. But I will not tolerate a lot. So you two are like this? Oh, no, no, no. We're fine. We're fine.

No, we're fine. It's just like a vibe That I'm just like I know that that was Kind of rude of me It's my own like It's a weird thing I would imagine We've talked about

Doing roasts here And I really am against it Because Oh I don't think We need to be Doing that Right Well I mean

Not even in this No like No just like all of it Right Also like Everyone would be Pretty specifically No one wants to hear

What Francis has to think Of all of us Right That's the immediate person Who I'm like Don't tell me the truth Yeah Fuck that

Yeah No but in general This is a company of people Who think that they're thick skinned And are really not And it would be like Also I think when you Are the roasty

You need You laugh And you go along with it Even if you're not Like I think people at Barstool Fucking Yeah You know And then afterwards It would never be the same again you laugh and you go along with it even if you're not like I think people at Barstool would fucking not want to talk you know

and then afterwards it would never be the same again so I'm always staunchly against it but like we also do reality show type shit Jackie did it

a couple weeks ago and we do like a survivor thing where you're voting people off and the prize is $10,000 so like yeah she came second

what's the second place anything? no but they gave me $10,000 yeah we hooked her what I still haven't given her my part

I'm gonna get to you I'm gonna get $5,000 I'm gonna get to you we were very proud of our girl she was on the show for like a week and so we hooked her up

but yeah it was like her and another girl a couple girls that were her age and they're friends at work and you had to be like I'm voting you off and then they're like I get it it's okay but fuck you but fucking drop dead

you know you work together yeah that's why it's very cool because yeah so you i always said i i host this like the survivor thing and i always when i'm doing it like talking to the audience i'm always saying like this is so different than other reality shows where you come in you don't know the people you vote them off and then you never see them again. These guys have to look at each other the next fucking day. But you kind of do that, like, it's the Wild and Out cast over and over and over again. Maybe you roast the guests and they go

home, but for the most part, it's like, see you tomorrow for four more episodes. No, literally, that's the number one thing you learn from being on Wild and Out, or just doing things in a high quantity, stand-up even. You can't have too much emotional weight over a bad moment. You have to think of yourself

as a fucking athlete, batting average. You know what I mean? And you can't be the next day like do you guys think I'm bad at comedy? Because you had one bad moment. You have to wake up and be like, hey, what's up everyone? And it trains you to be like, just be like, it's a everyone and it trains you to be like um just

be like it's a job you know yeah well i was gonna say it's like any job emotionally attached to every time i performed in front of someone yeah and it would ruin my but that i mean it kind of makes sense it's like i'm still in that stage i'm literally about to cry in the bathroom after this podcast but um if you think about regular jobs though it's like when you fuck up your job at your desk as an accountant, poor accountants always, like everybody's go-to is always like, if you were an accountant, you would be like, I don't know, like that sucked, but like I never cared about that spreadsheet or this folder. Right, you go home to your wife and your dog and you black out. Tie them up in a chair.

You look at their phone. Tie them up. Look at the phone but if you think about what like you know in those jobs you would you would be upset if you had a presentation that you bombed that would stick with you like for the rest of the year like oh my god in front of the ceo i like choked but that's what your job is so you're doing a presentation every single day my sets or jokes or whatever are just his spreadsheets Always And they do it like Once or twice a year And you do it like

A thousand That's why if you You know If you're miserable about it You'll never You'll never get through it But I also don't think I could turn it off

Like or get through it Really I don't know I have a lot of thick skin About like just people Being assholes on the internet But if I Was like

My podcast was really Terrible or Even when we We do our live podcast And I'm I'm always like Very hard on ourselves I don't know my podcast was really terrible. Even when we do our live podcast, and I'm always very hard on ourselves. I don't know if that was that good, but the audience seemed to like it, so whatever. But I don't know. I don't think I could just forget about it. Oh, yeah. Well, you don't forget.

It's always caked in there. It's always caked in there. I remember exclusively the bad memories. And the good compliments. Those don't count. I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. You're just saying that because you want to fuck me. And she's like, I'm your manager.

Shut up, you fucking cuck. You cuck fucking whatever. Compersion. Soy man, whatever you said. Soy made a cuck. I don't know. I live in Queens. I am not affiliated with any.

I have no identity. I have no gender. But I don't know. I live in Queens. I am not affiliated with any. I have no identity. I have no gender. But I don't remember what the question. I don't think there was a question. No, we are. We are. Great. We are just full of.

Sorry, I blacked out for a second. This is just a vibe. All right, quick little break here in the middle of Maddie. Maybe time to hit the vape pen. Make sure you're nice and giggly, goofy, feeling a little high. Get rid of some of that chronic pain. Oh, I'm feeling a little sexy. Yeah, you're feeling yourself, girl.

Nothing better than getting a little high and feeling sexy with yourself. You know what I mean? Like it's one thing you can get high. Does that happen a lot? No, but I'm saying like think about it. Like you get high and you want to just like sit on the couch and eat ice cream and watch TV. Why don't you get high and get sexy with yourself? Put on some music.

Light some candles. Hop on and watch Queen Adriana. Don't put on music. hop on and watch queen adriana music leave the podcast on please yeah leave the podcast on put on some porn with adriana chachik and while you're on three cheats just have yourself a blast that sounds like a nightmare i might just go do that right now yeah no kind of getting me going whether you're doing that or you want to just take small doses to help you get through the day whether you're doing it for chronic anxiety, chronic pain, restlessness, whatever, or you want to just get that euphoria, get the tingles and the giggles and have yourself a time, whatever your reason is, 3Chi is the best way to do it because it's a Delta-9 extract,

which means it's like a chemical extract of THC. It's not just your regular THC. It's kind of all the good stuff extracted out Jurassic Park style. They went in there, they pulled it out and they made a whole park. That's what three cheese doing with the Delta nine. Uh, and you can get it in the form of vape cartridges in gummies, in edibles, in oils that you can then make your own edibles, uh, powderless, uh, drink. I always mess this up. Tasteless drink powder, so you can just pour it into your water.

Or they have ones that make it pink lemonade, so you can just drink lemonade and get high. Crazy, man. And right now, you can get it all at 3chi.com. That's the number three, C-H-I.com. Use promo code STOOL5 and get 5% off your order. Must be 21 or older to purchase and enjoy. It's 3chi.com, promo code STOOL5 and get 5% off your order. Must be 21 or older to purchase and enjoy. It's 3chi.com, promo code STOOL5. Oh, yeah, the roast thing.

Yeah. I say maybe volunteer-based, but... What does that mean? Like to do a roast here? Like the reality show is volunteer-based, right? Yeah. Like you didn't have to do it, so maybe just find people who really want to. I always think it's like Dave was the one who, like, he always had the idea to do it. Oh, okay.

And then I always thought of just, like, the only other two roasts. I can't watch real roasts. Why don't you guys just do a roast of someone? The roast of... Because, like, whoever it is. You're going to want to pick somebody... You don't think Dave would like that? I act like I know him.

Yeah. I don't really talk about Dave. No, that's what he wanted. He wanted it to be. He said he wants it. He wants it of him. But it's like he would... Again, you know, the roasters are always like, the people getting roasted are always like, oh, that's good.

That's good. Dave would like stop you after every joke and be like, oh yeah, well you, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he would go like 10 times harder. Dave's like the guy where it's like, hey man, like your shirt's funny. And he's like, I hope your mom dies, you know? Oh, totally. So you can't get roasted if you have that, if you're that combative.

Well, he needs to meditate more. Because. Dave, go meditate, Dave Dave that's all it comes down to meditate, do your affirmations and you won't get so defensive are you into that? yeah absolutely daily gratitude, affirmations fucking like

meditation I already said that I've been eating vegetables so that's been pretty crazy. And drinking water. Okay. Meditate, affirmations, water, vegetables. Maybe some vitamins? Some Flintstones in there?

I don't really mess with vitamins. Nah, it's just too hardcore. I'm straight, dude. I'm straight. I'm straight. Having touched the vitamins is 96, man. I'll do like a multi like every two months where I'm like, I feel weird. I do.

I microdose a multi. I microdose vitamins. Yeah. So I don't know about you guys, but I've been feeling like the only way to move forward is if you fake yourself into positivity. I learned at a very young age, like way

too young an age, that my dad who at the time was like a salesman Uh oh, about to be sad boy season. And he taught me like, he's like, his example was, like, when you're on the phone with someone, but he's like, if you just smile, you can trick them into thinking you're happy. Absolutely.

And also yourself. And I was like, dude, I'm in third grade. Like, what the fuck, man? And he's like, for example, I'm on the phone with your mom, and she's nagging me again. He's like, you just pick up the phone, you make sure you're smiling, and it comes through that you're happier. And I was like, all right.

And then I won best smile for the next five years of my life. And now you're suicidal. Because I was always just smiling. I was like, dad taught me this will make me get through the day. Now John is clinically depressed. Taylor Swift song. Dad told me to smile so I did.

When I was eight. Lord. Oh man. So Bill's girl. So are you from Buffalo? This is really embarrassing and I was hoping that you would ask about my shirt. So it is a Bill shirt. This is embarrassing.

I just went on Sabada, son of a boy dad and I Ted on the podcast. I want to have sex No, not set date. I want to date. I'm a woman of standards I want to be wifed up to a Buffalo Bills player, but then today I was doing this podcast I didn't mean to wear this and now I look like kind of weird. I look weird I feel like I look like I'm trying to brand myself Oh shit, I talked about it there and now I'm like oh

I'm the bills girl it's not that at all I was on the way to the gym and then someone else texted me so I couldn't make it back home and that's why I came up to this podcast

showing up in sweatpants and what up no bra so that's what I'm telling you guys that's why I wanted to get ahead of people who are like wow no one's going to say that at all

you know like sometimes you get super high and you're like, oh, fuck. I'm going to say something about how I'm thirsty. If there was literally one person on the planet that was like, she talked about the bills on Son of a Boy Dad. And now she wore a bill shirt on KFC radio. This bitch is thirsty. It's probably Harry. I will say there are times where I go both ways. I think like, I freak out.

Like, yeah, they're all going to know that I have a crack in my tooth or something like that. And then I'm like. Kevin does have a crack in his tooth. Yeah. Then I'm like. I know. I know. I saw it.

That's why I'm on the podcast. We talked about the guy with the cracked tooth but then I'll have a moment where I'm like stop being it's almost like narcissistic to think that like the people are gonna think about you they're just gonna watch the video and laugh or not laugh and move on and then I sometimes see the feedback where it's just like

do you have a crack in your tooth do you have a crack in your tooth and it's like oh everybody knows everybody fucking knows the internet will find the one thing that will absolutely cut you down to your knees. Yeah. And they will fucking say it and do it. And then they wonder why celebrities change their bodies and faces constantly. Right, right.

Because we're constantly being like, you're a fat ho. You're so fake. It's like, yeah. Of course I am. Yeah. Because you fucking shamed me out of my realness. You fucking made me hate my real body. Absolutely.

So I am, I'm a, I'm a Bill's, I'm not really a sports person. So wait. Are you from Buffalo? Yes, I am. Yes. So that's why I support my team body. Absolutely. So I am, I'm a, I'm a Bill's, I'm not really a sports person, so wait. Are you from Buffalo? Yes, I am. Yes. So that's why I support my team as I can. I'll eat like the Buffalo chicken dip when the team's playing. I'll do my little girlfriend. Do you make the Buffalo chicken dip? I'm single, but if anyone wants to, so what were you going to say?

Buffalo chicken dip has been like the cliche for a thousand years. Like your girlfriend brings, girls love the Super Bowl because, you Bowl because that's the one football game of the year. They bring it in the glass tray. And you get to the party and there's like seven of them. And I'm not complaining because the more buffalo dip, the better. But it is funny. It's like, I brought my buffalo dip.

It's like, no kidding, bitch. You and every other girlfriend here did. And you're all going to think yours is the best. And they're all just cream cheese with like French Red Hot. French and pulled chicken. Yeah, that's it. Again, not complaining, but you're not exactly Anthony Bourdain. Right, where's my Michelin star?

I'm a little bit over buff chick dip, if I'm going to be honest. Really? Are you over like buffalo? No, I like wings. So that's why it's like all this buff chick stuff. You're like, bro, just give me some wings. Where's your best spot in Buffalo? Probably just like wings. So that's why it's like all this buff chick stuff. You're like, bro, just give me some wings. Where's your best spot in Buffalo? Probably just like anywhere.

Anywhere? Because like Buffalo is so, wings are so everywhere that you can pop by any pizza place and get pizza and wings and they'll probably be good. Dude, I actually don't have like a one. Well, I'm from, okay, shout out to my hometown, Clarence. And I used to work at a pizza place called the Pizza Inn. Then it got changed to the Pizza Company because they got sued by somewhere in North Carolina. So long story short, we had fire wings. But all wings in Buffalo are the same.

There's just butter and hot sauce with the fry. I don't know why people can't do that. Same thing with cheesesteaks in Philly though. What's going on here? What? Yeah, I'm saying the same thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Check that sub-person.

I'm sorry. I get really invested when I'm talking about food. For some reason. Cheese steaks are the easiest thing to make, and nobody can do it outside of this, like, 50-mile radius of, like, Philly and, like, South Jersey. It's like, what's wrong with you guys? It's always so bad. It's like, you see what they look like, and then you make this, and you put it on your

menu as a bleak cheese steak. When it has a thick hunk of meat, and it's like... I got one the other day, the cheese wasn't melted. It was put on a regular fucking deli sandwich. I'm so sorry. What is going on? I'm so sorry. No, I feel the same way about wings.

When I get a plate of wings that's mid or below, or they say wings and they give you the breaded and sauce on the side, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Do you like flats or below yeah or it's like they say wings and they give you the breaded and sauce on the side i'm like what the fuck is going on here so do you like flats or drumsticks i'm definitely a flats person but you know i fuck with the drums too so drum well the best the best thing in the world is you guys you're just wrong it's just like a lower intellectual scale yeah i'm like you know what it's just like it's just one thing you take a bite you eat it yeah flats you gotta like they're the people who can like suck it all off or you break it. Yeah, but see, we talked about this.

But it is, I don't fucking go hard on my wings. I'm not like, I leave just bone. The people who are like, I have a bite. I clean the whole thing. I have like a bite of the big chunk. Well, you know why. I get rid of that and I just get the rest of it. We're cocks.

We're beta cocks. That's because you're beta co-person conversion yeah the internet gets mad about how hot you cook your steak and how much meat you leave on your wings also slash if you eat boneless wings you're like a fucking f-word and you need to like kill yourself I honestly like hot take boneless wings are good thank you somebody says to me they always go they're like that's a chicken nugget

you're a child I'm like well chicken nuggets are fire too and I'm like either way it's fire bye but also nuggets are different from boneless wings are different from chicken fingers are different from popcorn chicken you know are different from a cutlet yes like all from chicken fingers, are different from popcorn chicken. Are different from a cutlet. Yes. Like all of that is so different.

And it's all delicious. But it's not the same. And there are plenty of times like I actually ultimately prefer a wing, but not when I'm at a bar or I'm out or I get, I want to get messy. Yeah, sometimes you don't want to get messy. You don't want to put some bones in.

And the texture of that like breading. Oh. Yo. Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum fork it. And the texture of that, like, breading. Oh. Yo. Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum. Especially when you're hungry. Like, a boneless. Oh, stuffing them in. How many wings do you think you could eat if you went for it?

Probably 12. Yeah, it's fine. Like, my friends, we would go to wing night. And that's pushing it, I think. Wing night is crazy. I don't even know if people do this anymore. But, like, we had our bar did. It wasn't, like, 10-cent wings, but it was, like, 30-cent wings. Yeah, we had that bar did it wasn't like 10 cent wings but it was like 30 cent wings

it was a weird number and we would always go that night and we would wait online for a fucking table because everybody went and I was always like guys we can't afford wings for like 75 cents each or whatever the fucking order is yeah but it's just the idea it's like quarters

when you go for wings yeah but these guys would eat like 30. And I would, whether I'm at wing night or regular night, I'll have like, what does it come with? Like eight? Okay, I'm good. Yeah, eight is good.

12 is like, okay, you're like binge eating. Are you okay? 20 is like, bruh. And you're probably sharing. Hopefully, I don't know. I don't know. But 30, you said? I could do 20.

20? You could do 20? Yes, you could. You're a garbage can I don't know I don't know But 30 you said? I could do 20 20 You could do 20? Yes Yuko You're a garbage can I could do 20 I mean you could rip out Of duct tape I think you could do 20 wings What am I saying?

Yeah To be clear I am not talking about you You are one of the guys I would say you could eat 50 Someone asked me the other day How many cookies

Do I think I could eat? Oh forget it I can eat a lot of cookies I was like I don't think Well there's a lot of questions Are we of cookies. I was like, I don't think there's a lot of questions. Are we talking cookie, cookie? Are we doing hard, soft?

I don't think it really matters. I think unlimited is my answer. But like, I think if I was sitting down eating like Chips Ahoy cookies with some crunch to it, I mean, I could eat a ton of those.

I could eat box. But if you gave me like a freshly baked soft one that I could just chew quick and like swallow, I could eat like infinity of those. Really? I think eventually crunching away, your mouth gets dry, I quick and swallow, I could eat infinity of those.

Really? I think eventually crunching away, your mouth gets dry, I've got to have milk, I've got to dip it. I'm the opposite. If something's crunchy, it's over. I will eat it until the bag is empty. Do you like Tate's cookies? Yeah, I like Tate's. I love Tate's.

Get off it. I like, no. Tate's is fucking terrible. No. You like crunchy over gooey? Not over. I like them all. But taste,

when you're eating them, but like a Levan cookie or like chips, that place, like I can eat one of those. Yeah. Those are like a cake almost. So intense.

But I could eat a whole box of Oreos easily. Double stuff. Done. Single stuff. Oh, you're, I almost said it. You're poor. I was like, nah, this is a big podcast. Say it. Say it. Single stuff. Oh, you're... I almost said it. You're poor. I was like, nah, this is a big podcast.

Say it. Say it. Just rewind. Say it. I would say you are guaranteed to be happy. And that's wonderful for you. You like a single? It does nothing for me.

It's too much cream. That's just not true. That's how straight I am. I'm like, too much cream on my cookie right here. You trying to do ooky cookie with me? These guys. No, wet cookie. No, ooky cookie is the same thing.

Wet cookie? What's wet cookie? It's like Limp Bizkit. It's. Calm on the cookies. Yeah. As I understood it, we never played it in high school, but it was a thing. Do you know what Limp Bizkit means?

Yeah, I think so. Because it's with a biscuit. I think it was like overseas. Like the UK does it was a thing. Do you know what limp biscuit means? Yeah, I think so, because it's with a biscuit. I think it was like overseas, like the UK does it with a biscuit. They cum on it? Yeah, your dick is limp, like at the end, whoever came. The last person to cum on it has to eat it. You're the limp biscuit. Ew, guys are so weird.

That's like guys are weird, and do Like all guys Like do weird stuff With their dick in the locker room Like we laugh about our dicks and balls Yeah But then there's like You come on a cookie and eat it Yeah that's You weird weird

There's like some stuff Where you're like But then there's stuff Where you're like bro You are like You have some demons Yeah I can't even pick this up

Do you have a fork? Right Imagine just It's too It's too Flopped Owasio eating pizza I'm going to pick this up. Do you have a fork? Right. Imagine just. Knife and fork. Flopped in a glass. You're eating pizza. Yeah, that's it. Don't make yourself puke.

We've got a lovely guest. I'm good. Did you guys, were you guys in frats in college? I was not. He was. You were? I was, yeah. But for like five minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't do it a lot? Did not take it seriously. It was not like, I was in pike. I was not allowed. There was no Greek life in my school. Oh, really? There was a little bit.

There was rumors of what they would do. I feel like there were. Because I heard about coming on pizza, too. Yeah, it just came out. I could never. Absolutely. Like, I am such a fucking, a little diva about it that, like, even if guys were like, hey, a pledge or whatever they call it, like, go give me a beer. I'd that like, even if guys were like, hey,

Rook, Pledge or whatever they call it, like, go give me a beer. I'd be like, fuck you. Get your own shit. And then when it comes to like,

we're also going to shove it up your ass, I'd be like, well, I'm definitely out on that. Well, that's what I'm in, but. That shit though,

where people are like telling you what to do, like, I remember my buddy told me that he went to GW and he said that they made the and what's the word I was about to say in pledge pledge they the pledges

had to drive to Philly to get them cheesesteaks and it's like I guess that one's like a little playful at least but it was like yeah we did that we had to drive cuz uh in Tallahassee it was this was like this is like I guess one of the flake few like pledge pledges I didn't even it's like I don't fucking care into college in Tallahassee yeah I'm the Florida State um and they it was like you had to cross because I think it was like they didn't sell 40s in Florida yeah so go to Georgia but it's like get the drive to Georgia to get 40s and I was like all right I'll go do that yeah like that is a little bit more like I guess fun it's like all right we'll go on a road trip whatever you're in college you don't fucking care. Yeah, that is a little bit more, like, I guess fun. It's like, all right, we'll go on a road trip or whatever.

You're in college. You don't have anything to worry about. But it's just the people telling what to do. I don't like that. Agreed. My friends were pledging a sorority, and they were forced to memorize the hometowns, the majors, and, like, the middle names or something of all the other girls in the sorority. That's, like, shit where you're like, okay, I actually am paying to be at this college.

Yeah, I'm just going to enjoy my time here or not. Yeah. I mean, people always say that there's some schools where it's like you literally don't have a social life if you're not in it. Right. It's like, I don't know, then you should have gone to a different college or something.

It's like, I don't want to go to a college where I can't go to any parties or have any friends unless I agree to your weird fucking rules. But that's also an exaggeration. Yeah. I think most of them are probably just like we... I mean, I heard stories of like Hell Week, right, what they call it, where maybe it was you.

You told me running through the hallway with the white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they get you out of your bed and stuff. Yeah, they make you run down a hallway and you just like – Oh, they push you? Yeah, but like it was like – I mean, honestly, I completely forgot about that. That was like – yeah, that was fun.

I was like, that was boys horsing around. That was like – no one's playing with my butthole. I was like yeah that was fun that was boys horsing around that was like no one's playing with my butthole I was like we're just fellas wrestling which is so funny because you know back in

when you're like 18 and people are like you're going to like join this frat and they're going to play with your butthole you're like if I rushed a frat now

I'd be like so when are we getting into the when is that part happening when's the fucking elephant walk guys because my prostate is tickling

we had we had where it was like it was like during hell week where it was there was a candle in the corner of the room

and it was like if one of like the brothers blew that out like you got in trouble but that was dope too because there was a kid who was

more wrestling yeah dude there was one point where I Kyle Long was in my in my pledge class I think it was like me and Kyle Long

just like fucking working the old line I was like this is fucking fun dude that is funny though but the hell you know

they'd be doing cheesesteaks and blowing out candles and I'd be like when is when does the hazing start yeah I'm a little horned up now. Can you get to that part?

I know something you can blow. Did you go to a sorority? Were you in a sorority? No, I wasn't. I went to a school that had kind of a, I don't know, a big, I went to a SUNY school. So it was a big part of SUNY, Geneseo.

All of them sound made up. Oswego, Geneseo. Well, it's an American name, so if you could respect our indigenous people, that'd be great. As soon as I said it, what was yours? Geneseo. Geneseo. And then I was like, yeah, they're all weird. Like Oswego.

Fuck, I know what they are. I'm making fun of you. God damn it. Oswego, Oneonta, all those fucking things. It's like the same thing in Jersey when you're at Manahawken and Manalapan it's like

it's the same as New Jersey it's all just the land we stole sorry we massacred you guys sorry but it's funny names so I don't like it

enjoy your mall how far up is how far north is it is it like bad winters six hours away yeah bad winters but you come from Buffalo

you're like whatever dude I would I drink like a motherfucker in college just because it was so cold. And you just want to black out to get ahead of like, you don't know if the party's going to have alcohol. So you're like, it's easier to wear a jacket or not. I don't want to lose the peacoat my mom just gave me from J.Crew because I already lost one last year. She's pissing me. So I'm going to go out in a hoodie and just fucking Hail Mary that shit. Black out.

Or I should pay for the girls too. They're like, I want to wear a dress or my heels or whatever. Oh, you go to a date party and then you're wearing heels because you want to look snatched? No. I'm not going to a date party in flats.

Heavens no. Heavens no. Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth. So there was a lot. Like you got to charge through the snow and your heels. We're not wearing tights. Oh my god. If I saw a girl in tights

I'd be like, what is this, the crucible? What is happening? So there was a lot of that. A lot of blacking out to get ahead of the chilliness. And then you wake up somewhere and you're like, I don't know this guy. At least I wasn't cold for ten minutes last night.

I am pregnant, however. Literally. No, however. Literally. No, literally. There's a comb on that cookie. What's happening here? And then three months later, you're Googling the price of horseshoe. Like, oh boy, I waited a little too long. I got to go to Georgia.

Yeah. So Geneseo. Yeah, it's like a liberal arts school. Yeah, right. Like, they're all the, I mean, literally all those schools. Rick Buildings, Boba.

SUNY schools are, you know, Binghamton and, like, I love when people are like, I went to the Bing, like, we're better. It's like, you're all in, like, the middle of New York. It's just like the part of New York

that sucks and you're all the fucking same. This is what the SUNY schools do to you. They trick you. They're like, same. This is what the SUNY schools do to you. They trick you. They're like, we, this is what Jenna Seo

said about our school. We are the hybrid of the SUNYs. I'm like, you're still a SUNY bitch. The Harvard of the SUNY? And they trick you and they're like,

don't even insult me. No, literally, I know. That's crazy. I fucking know. And they try to be like, no, but this school is the equivalent of like,

you can go anywhere with this name school. And then I to new york and my first interview she was like so where's genisoa yeah i was gonna say i can't even say it you can't even say it genesis what's what are we doing here all those schools are like good if you work in like rochester near like if you choose to like live in binghamton yeah i can work at the law firm there fuck no bitch binghamton sorry i sound like a classist now. I just don't want to live in upstate New York ever again in my life.

Upstate New York. And I'm like, hey, trying to fuck a billiard player. Date me. Dude, Rudy said to me the other day, Rudy was like,

because our guy we work with here went to University of Denver and he's like, dude, that's like the Harvard of the West. And I was like, you know Stanford's

out west, right? And Berkeley. I was saying, right? Berkeley. There are places that I didn't even know Denver was a decent school, let alone like anyone ever called the Harvard of the West. How about Stanford just being the Stanford of the West? We don't even need to be the Harvard, dude. We're just as good. Okay, I'd never heard that about Colorado.

Binghamton is like, it's just gray, like all year long It's so gray And for anybody to be like Yeah like I went to the Bing It's like It is just overcast

For eight straight months And then you drink yourself Into a coma And then you go home For the summer It's Absolutely And I'm sure it's fun

I did not mean to Shit on the schools I will say You can have fun Yeah you can have fun I went to Fordham We drank like all the time We didn't

We would pop into the city And go to bars, but we weren't, like – it was no frat parties. Our sports sucked, but, like, we still had fun. You go to, like, these three bars. You black out. The bars are where it's at. But, I mean, I would love to redo it and go to, like, University of Florida and have, like, outdoor, beautiful weather, football game, tailgates every week.

But I'll also – you know, you can drop me in like a dive bar in the Bronx, and I'm good to go, you know. I am G2G. Dive bar in the Bronx. Okay. That's an interesting. There was one, the Jolly Tinker, RIP. I think it's since deceased.

He tinked too hard. Never go full tank. It was awesome it was you know it was like local like cops and firemen and just car bombs and yeah drinking till you're dead blacking out a fucking irish pub and the bartender encourages it and if there's a female bartender big milkmaid Big white titties Mommy You're pouring me a Guinness That's how it feels Milkman

You see the foam on top It's grouching up I love an Irish pub Her tits are in the Guinness No you're in it Nipples floating on top Is that coming out of the tits? What's going on?

They're very comforting places Don't they call it Mother's milk Guinness? I think they call it that In Ireland It's like literally They call it mother's milk? Something like that places. Don't they call it Mother's Milk Guinness? I think they call it that in Ireland. It's like literally... They call it Mother's Milk? Something like that.

Isn't that what they call it in sunny where they feed the birds? The big boils? The big boils, it's Mother's Milk? No, Mother's a cow. Mother's a cow. I think there's some beer they call it Mother's Milk or whatever.

Yo, how about after the show the other night when that dude kept asking us to do car bombs and I didn't feel good. I was incredibly sick with the flu. I cannot believe you went out there. That's insane to go out with the flu. I didn't know I had the flu. He's like 12 years old at heart.

I just don't go out if I feel any sort of pain. I just don't go out. Honestly, at the time I knew I realized I was finally sick. Last week for a whole four days I thought I was just hungover. Right. And I just had to keep power to it. Because I was embarrassed that I had this long of a hangover.

This is crazy. Pussy beta cock. And then, eventually, my other friend who I'd been with the whole weekend was like, hey, just so you know, I have the flu. And I was like, all right, that checks out. That makes a lot more sense. But you were doing car bombs? No.

But he asked me like 10 times, and I was like, it's so the last thing in the world that I want to do that I kind of want to do it. Right? That's the thing. Sometimes you're like, no, but yes. But then he just gave us Red Bull. But then he bought us Vegas bombs and didn't give us any alcohol. He just gave us Red Bull. Oh, no.

He just chugged Red Bull? Yeah. Really? Was there anything to drop in? No, I figured he did it before he came back from the bar. So I just chugged the glass I was like was there anything in that? He's like no it was just Red Bull

You're crazy for that one That is nuts I just chugged like 16 ounces of Red Bull I mean I used to love Car bombs Or whatever you're supposed to call it I don't even know what the name is now But if you put one in front of me now I I'd be like, this is a tall task.

Carbon is technically Red Bull and what? No. Is it Rizzo? Guinness and Baileys. And a whiskey. You put whiskey and Baileys together. And you have to do it all at once, right? Yeah.

Because it curdles. It curdles quick, so you've got to drop it and drink it. And I remember watching a girl pour it. She poured the shot in, and it just immediately curdles. And then she fucking drank it anyway. I've done a curdled one or two before. Talk about mother's milk. They are curdled all the

time. I think it's just we drink it fast enough that we don't realize. Because it's mixed up. It curdles like instantly and then as you're drinking it, it's gonna... I got to the bottom and I was like, Sounds like three drinks at once. It fucks you up and it makes you full as fuck. They're actually the only bombs I respect Because they're the only bombs with a consequence

You have a deadline You better finish this shit The rest of it's a mixed drink You could sip on really When I got introduced to It's funny, I remember this guy I was like, do you want to do a car bomb? I would never have been the guy to recommend a Jaeger bomb.

So maybe I said Car Bomb. And he was like, how about a Jamo bomb? And I was like, what's that? And he was like, it's just with Jameson instead. I was like, whoa, this guy does Jameson instead. It was like he was a fucking mixologist. He was like, I just took out the Jaeger and I put in Jameson, dude. You forget you can change things.

I always forget when my friends are like, I'll do that. But with that, I'm like, oh, wait. You forget you can change things. I always forget when my friends are like, I'll do that, but with that, I'm like, oh, wait. You're innovative. Holy shit. I'll take a Sprite. Like,

like, martinis are a good example. Like, I'm not doing, I want a cup of gin. Oh, no, I don't do gin martinis. Vodka martinis all the way.

Can you drink a gin martini? Dirty. You're crazy. Filthy. Filthy. I want it to feel like I'm in the olives yeah

which is funny because I don't like olives but like with that it's probably because I just I don't want a cup of just plain vodka so I need something in there

but like but I'll drink a dirty martini but not I don't like if you were to give me an olive I'd be like also been on a big gimlet too though I love a gimlet

and what's a gimlet? gimlet's just the with like the fucking onions whatever they are oh right right but it's the same so I've been on a big onion I love it. And what's a gimlet? A gimlet's just with the fucking onions, whatever they are. Oh, right, right. But it's the same. I've been on a big onion.

I love onions, dude. I'm into onions. I'm also really into savory drinks. My chest hurts and my body hurts. You're eating all these onions. You've probably got all sorts of fucking heartburn and everything. Well, first of all, I'm on meds for heartburn now, so relax. Thank you.

Yeah, so chill. Stop bringing it up. Listen, tell her what your Side effects of your Heartburn medication Dementia Dementia What do you mean? He's on such a high Dosage of

Powerful medicine They said That this will give you Dementia if you Take too much of it And what do you do? You take it for heartburn? Yeah

And it works like a Motherfucker I don't want to sound rude But can you eat healthier? No Bro That's actually what The doctor said first too

She's like Not to be rude but before I give you this fucking pill that'll wipe your memory you want to have a salad instead you ever try a garbanzo bean like it changed your life I'm right there garbanzo bean um perfect I hate to bring it up again because we've talked about like three three episodes in a row, but the other day he had two Shake Shack burgers, French fries, two bowls of cereal, two slices of pizza, a pint of ice cream, mozzarella sticks, and jalapeno poppers. But that's awesome. That's like a wonderful day. Yeah.

Thanks to Omeprazole, 40 milligrams. I was just sitting on you and I'm like, wait. No, it was like a wonderful three hours. He ate that For dinner Yeah that was his dinner Yeah I used to be

I used to be heftier So I fully understand You got fat Fat at heart Sort of thing Yeah always still But now I'm a white woman In Hollywood

So I'm not allowed to eat I am restricted From any sort of intake Other than matcha lattes But yeah So when I started So intake other than matcha lattes. But, yeah, so when I started – Survival of matcha latte to dick. That's it. That's all we do here in Hollywood as a woman.

That's all we do in quinoa. So, yeah, when I started stand-up, I was like 200 pounds. So I used to eat like a motherfucker. So that sounds delicious to me. Good job by you, though. I mean, that's like you – Yeah. That's a lot.

I don't know. You know what it was? Actually, speaking of the roast battle thing, when I started doing roast battles. I mean, that's like you. Yeah. That's a lot. I don't know. You know what it was? Actually, speaking of the roast battle thing, when I started doing roast battles in New York, they would say I'm fat. And when you hear an

audience laugh at that, too, because you don't think you're fat until people say you're fat. And then people laugh at you being fat. You're like, oh, I'm fat. Yeah.

Like one person might be wrong. Like you're, you know, the whole audience. Yeah, I agree. You're fat. Oh, it's a bad photo. Oh, these jeans.

Like, oh, the gap runs small. That's why I'm a 14. No, you're fat. You're a fat fucking hoe. Sorry, that was rude. What about yourself? It's all good.

But then you hear an audience laugh at it because it would bomb if I wasn't fat. Right. And you're crushed. She's not fat. Yeah, crushed. That's actually a great point. Someone said like Maddie's dad grew up on a dairy farm and he obviously brought his work home with him

or something like that they call me a cow and the crowd was like it was an all white room but they laughed like a black audience running around leaving the room brought his work home

that's so mean did you just like cry? you just stand there sort of like you know when your lip quivers a little bit when you're trying not to cry and you're like, okay. Tears have like, you were in a cartoon, like eyes are filling up with tears. No, they're filling up. And you're just like, this will come out like in the car and I'll take it out on my boyfriend at the time, which I did.

I like to tell people I just got out of an abusive relationship i was the abuser it's hard don't date me guys like message me they're like i want to be your boyfriend i'm like i promise you don't i promise you don't i'm a stand-up comic with issues and i will fucking crush you that that um and then uh so how how long ago was that, if I can ask? Oh. A long time ago? Or is this a recent transformation? I guess I've been doing comedy six years.

So probably two years in, I had slimmed down. And then I slimmed down even more because I started just working out. You guys do not need to know all this info. No, but that's wild. This is for drinks with the girls. This isn't for guys. You know what I don't like doing, though, is I won't show's, I mean, that's wild. This is for drinks with the girls. This isn't for guys. You know what I don't like doing, though,

is, like, I won't show guys who I'm romantically interested in, I won't show them old photos of when I was fat. Hell no. Because they'll be like, oh, you fucking fat cat, dude.

You don't even look like that, dude. Like, and your skin isn't even loose. And you're like, they, like, tell it, they, like, go full and you're like, oh, this isn't going to.

Yeah. But it's also don't show that because then the guy doesn't know what to say. Yeah. I can see it being like, do I say, wow, you lost so much weight because then that's making fun of how you looked. I would just be like. I don't even tell the difference. That's what the guys usually say. The good guys are usually just like, oh, okay.

I like your dress. No, you know what I think? It's so goddamn awkward. Yeah, it's awkward. I realize it's awkward. I actually, I forgot to mention this. I'm blind. I can't see this picture at all.

I think, I don't know how you could bring it up, but there's always a tweet that kind of goes viral and gets recycled where it's a girl saying, I'm the best of both worlds because I grew up ugly or fat and so I had to have a personality and become funny and now I got hot so now I have the best of both worlds. You gotta work that somewhere in there. It's crazy to enter into that

and I'm not saying that I'm fucking hot but it's crazy to at one point in your life be ugly and you had to like dancing dancing hot girls would be like she's so funny you can come to the party. Maddie say something funny at one point in your life be ugly, and you had to like... Dancing, dancing, monkey. So the hot girls would be like, she's so funny. You can come to the party.

Maddie, say something funny. I'm gay. Wait, what? You just say shit, but then you get people who peak physically in their 30s got a great life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like...

And that's not to say that I'm... I just, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting ahead of any comments that are like bitch thinks she snatched i see you i read them i read them all i read them all it's so hard not to right yeah it is it's uh we always debated here john is the only person on the internet who says he doesn't read it and he actually doesn't read it everyone else who says that is a fucking liar. We are all at 2am. We're not watching porn anymore. We're reading comments. You really think that?

It's like my version of cutting. These are my two versions of cutting. Reading comments and going to an ex's social media. That's my version of self-harm. See, I would never do that. I'm on my social media. It feels a little tickly in the... I actually love...

I will eventually... I'm checking in. As a guy that you still have feelings for or a guy you don't have feelings for? Or all of it? I don't know. Maybe all of them. Probably still have feelings for.

Okay. But we don't need to dig for that. But that's my version of cutting. I don't... You don't want to see what they're doing, but you do and it tingles in your... Who's that girl? Who is that woman?

Okay. I'm literally turning into Jim Carrey on this podcast, and I don't know why. I feel like I've been here for six hours. You've covered a lot. I know. It's going to be a rapid fire here. I've said too much. Okay.

No, it's great. I love it. So what were you going to say? Were you going to say something? I was going to say that I don't unfollow, because I feel like I lose by unfollow. Me too. I feel like it's like a and but I don't go look and then occasionally someone will come across where I'm like Oh, I don't care anymore. Fuck. Yeah, that's that I don't go for that

That's not Urbana that I am like I'm like, yeah, nope All right, that doesn't fucking make it feel like my heart's gonna fall on my chest This is sick We're good now You have fully healed Just don't pick up When they call Yeah But you said Someone else said Like Oh yeah We were talking

About the comment stuff I actually am more scared Of the ones that would be good Because I'm like What if I believed that Because then it would be I think that's more of a problem Wait

Afraid of what are good Like I'm more afraid Of good comments I'm terrified of both But I'm more afraid Of good comments Because then like You get like addicted to it

because like now I'm just like whatever it is what it is I don't care but if I like if I was like oh they like me

they like me and I was like oh wait they always like me and then like when they stop liking me then it would be a problem it's great

when they just when they just hate you it's amazing trust me when it's just all negative it's you know have you been like like unleashed on

a lot by the internet? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That horrifies me. Yeah, it's not cool. It's terrible. That was rude of me to say. That sounds awful, but I'm not good with, like, negative comments.

What happens is it is a little bit freeing if, like, I had a Big public divorce And everything So people make fun of me for that And say horrible things about Like Real life shit That then make The Other shit Like

I used to be Upset if someone was like That blog you wrote is not funny Now that doesn't even Fucking Right Doesn't even penetrate The fucking surface

If people go into your personal Yeah it's like I got I hear way worse than that bro So like Oh your hairline's receding It's like don't fucking care bro like you can't you can say a lot worse than that right um so eventually it's like i i it sounds crazy and it's totally not true and a fucking spin zone and a defense mechanism but i i tell myself i'd rather it be like so bad

than just middle of the road where you're like i believe believe all of these comments and think all of these are harmful. It's like, ah, you can't even get to me unless you really go deep on me. It's hard when it's like a half and half on something because you're like just addicted to seeing if more good stuff comes in. You're like, fuck, another bad one. Also, I tell myself it doesn't matter. But then if it's 50 percent good, I'm like, those matter. But those don't. I know.

You got to take it all. That's exactly what I was talking about. Yeah. If you got to believe the good ones, then you got to believe the bad yeah it's sickening it's it's a terrible life and i think we'll all look back on it and be like this we always say that social media is going to be the new cigarettes where it's like can you believe that people used to be on this every day absolutely why did you make a permanent footprint of your entire personality on the internet like we dump everything every single day so bad there's no ever audio of anyone who existed before us and we decided to display all of our fucking souls

our deepest darkest like literally controversial thoughts we're on tiktok with a towel on our head like so i just got off a date with a guy turns out it was a mop. We're losing our minds. I'm also part of it, so I don't know what to do. I just don't want other people to feel alone. People should feel alone sometimes. Absolutely. You need to go back to being alone. The main thing, I think, is the ex stuff.

You can't get away from anything. I know. You can't start fresh. You can't get that person out of your life or that work out of your life or that friend or family, whatever. It's like they will haunt you forever. They will haunt you forever. And they will contact you and you will contact them and you will comment and like and see.

It's like I shouldn't know that you're – I shouldn't know anything about your new boyfriend or your new girlfriend or your new life. It's like you should be doing that over there. Agreed. And that is why I'm just – probably just going to stay single. Forever and ever. Yeah. Forever and ever. That's the way to do it, girl.

Your podcast is, I think, I described it. A lot of times people will be like, if there's a podcast about two girls just talking about all the dicks they sucked

and the guys they fucked, they'll be like, oh, that's like a female version of KFC Radio. Oh, okay. That's very disrespectful. You guys talk about dicks sucking? Yeah.

I apologize. Honestly, pretty often. Exclusively. I'm good at giving comments. Do you know Kevin Smith, the actor and comedian and producer and shit very disrespectful honestly pretty often exclusively do you know Kevin Smith the actor and comedian and producer

from Mallrats and Clerks and all that yeah yeah he sucked his own dick oh cool okay to completion

here or yeah we watched it oh to completion when he was younger to completion what because we always talk about how

we would do it and he did it I felt like I was finding like Bigfoot you know we've been talking about how we would do it, and he did it. I felt like I was finding Bigfoot. We've been talking about this forever, and we found a guy who did it. But how does his neck feel after that? He said that's why he stopped, because he was like, one day I'm going to break my neck, and my mom's going to find me. He was doing it regularly.

Oh, really? I don't know about regularly, but he did it multiple times. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if it was regularly. I think he did. He did it enough. I think he did it enough.

He did it enough. So yeah, we talk about that a lot but what i was gonna say is um i feel like your show actually is like a female version of our show it's just girls chilling occasionally we get into section and dating but like it's very uh honest and like though like you know it's i see, it's funny in general, but I could see girls being like, this is actually what it's like. Oh, totally. You know, when it's like, this is like the female podcast it's like, you know, it's like we had

Call Her Daddy here and it's like, girls, you might be entertained by this, but I don't know if you can relate to any of this. This is much more. This is for girls who look like girls, aka all the sixes out there. Come to my podcast. You got weird titties. You wear Rite Aid underwear sixes out there, come to my podcast. You've got weird titties.

You wear Rite Aid underwear. Pull through to that time of the week. I got hair on my pussy. The greatest plug of all time. The greatest plug of all time. You wear Rite Aid underwear and I wear my pussy. I do, though. I said too much.

I'm embarrassed. Okay. Are you guys like, oh, my gosh, this is crazy. Yes, definitely check it out. It's on all platforms and YouTube. And are you on stage or tour anywhere or anything right now? Yes, I'm always touring. So, like, if you guys follow me on Instagram, so Maddie Smith, I always, I think I pinned all my tour dates. So, pull through.

I think I'm coming to Burlington Vermont Tampa Florida San Antonio Texas Toronto so oh what one last question are you are you the only white person on Wild N Out or is there a couple oh good question there's a couple others but I'm the only good one no I'm kidding I just love

I mean the clips are always awesome it's like I do feel like there's this extra when you roast somebody or land a punchline or whatever and it's like I do feel like there's this extra When you roast somebody Or land a punchline or whatever And it's like You're like this tiny white girl Yeah I feel like it's like extra

I know it's extra It's a lot It's gotta feel Yeah And do you write all that yourself Or is it like a writer's room thing Oh there's like There's a mix of us

Cause there's writers on it Who are Just other stand ups too Right So we always hang out And talk shit back and forth And then if he says something That you You go Yo And he's like Use that Use that just other stand-ups too so we always hang out together and talk shit back and forth and then if he says something that you want you go yo he's like use that use that yeah it's pretty

cool and then when you do those roast battle things like it's you know you got that in the can you're ready you're ready you like know what the game is and sometimes they tell you who you're going against it depends on the day yeah yeah you can kind of plan it a little. Yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes I'm always like, that was on the spot. That was fucking like money, you know? Well. I don't know. The clips are great and the podcast is very funny. Yes.

So everybody go check out Maddie and we're going to go do Answer the Internet. Oh, cool. Wait, I hope I do well. I'm nervous. Set up against them. Yeah. Okay.

You will do fine. Okay. You will do just fine. Thanks for having me. It's impossible to be bad. This was really fun. Yeah. Thank you so much.

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