KFC Radio - The Most Interesting Man, The Worst State, and Toddler vs Navy Seal

Episode Date: July 11, 2019

KFC and Feits prepare for their live show, have a spirited debate about Kanye West, debate the worst state in the USA, discuss KFC losing his wallet. Voicemails include: Navy Seal in a toddler body vs toddler in a Navy Seal body, leaving a fanbase, and teleport but lose a day off your life.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio. Today's episode is brought to you by Fleischman Salon. The hair gummies, the hair products, the woman who brought us flow. The woman who created flow is sponsoring today's episode. These gummies, they are hair supplements. They help your hair grow. They help the hair that you have grow thicker.

You're supposed to eat one per day. I could live out a darn day. I mean, at minimum, I eat as many as I would. Erica's going to be mad about this, but guess what? Guess what? When I text Erica in a couple days and say, I need more hair gummies, she's going to say, fucking why? I gave you four bottles for one per day.

Well, it's because I eat ten at a time because they're delicious. Okay? If you like fruit snacks and you like your hair, you'll like Fleischmann gummies because what it does, like I said, take one a day, quote, unquote, one, and it helps you grow your hair. It helps the hair that you have grow thicker, shinier, nicer. And now they're adding new products to the Fleischman Salon line. So they're going to have shampoo, conditioner.

It's going to have all the nice fragrances and scents that the girls are going to like. Get a whiff of your hair. It smells like grease because he doesn't fucking wash his hair. It doesn't smell like grease. You smell my hair, it smells like the Fleischman scent, bro. So, there's going to be one-stop shop. You go to Fleischmansalon.com

You'll be able to get the gummies. You'll be able to get, and they're going to keep rolling out more hair products. They're going to have styling products, shampoos, conditioners, all that. Just get it all in one shot. Get everything you need. So even if you don't need the hair gummies, you need shampoo,

right? And you also, you don't know, like when you go, you go, anyone listening to this, any, any of the guys,

like you go to the Dwayne Reed or whatever. And you're like, I don't know what hair I should get. Erica knows. These are the ones. Erica knows, bro. This girl's life is hair.

So she's looked into the gummies. She's put the ingredients in all the products herself. Your hair's going to smell good. It's going to grow thicker. And right now, when you use the promo code KFC, you get 20% off for your first six months of subscriptions. So if you need the hair, actually, you all need the hair gummies. I don't even care if you even have hair. Just eat the gummies.

You'll have better hair. So you can get all the gummies, all the products you need at FleischmanSalon.com. One bottle is a two-month supply. This is the greatest show. We light it up. We won't come down. And the sun can't stop us now. Watching it come true.

It's taking over you. This is the greatest show. Two months. Maybe two days, Erica. I told you where I go. Maybe make them taste a little less good, so I don't want to have ten at a time. Erica gives me jars filled with Swedish Fish and Sour Patch Kids as well. She's like, eat these ones. Have one of these for your hair

and have ten Swedish Fish for your craving. That's not a bad... Maybe she should just start selling Swedish Fish. Fleischmann Fish. So yeah, she was at our live show last night. She was killing it with us, as always. Shout out to you, by the way. Just finished Stranger Things.

Very much looks like Winona Ryder. You can see that. Even Joyce's personality, too. just finished Stranger Things very much looks like Winona Ryder. Like, I even Joyce's personality, too. In season three, season one, she doesn't have Joyce's personality because she's a crazy lunatic, but in season three, when she's a more normal person, even kind of like the same

mannerisms a little bit the whole time watching season three, I was like, that's her. I always think of her as the lead singer of Power More. Hayley Williams, yes. I think it's because they they both have like similar hair but in stranger things season three she has she has erica's hair now so yeah go to fleishman salon.com promo code kfc for 20 off and get yourself all the hair products you need today is uh old school episode not a single guest on the show. John is my guest. I'm John's guest.

We just got back from 4th of July week so there's not really a heavy guest people coming in when we're not here. We've had the live show to prepare for. The live show? Are you nervous for tonight? Nope, not anymore. Not even a little bit. I was nervous. I'm sure I will be.

Same thing I was saying with the vineyard thing where it's like, not nervous, not nervous, not nervous, not nervous, one foot on the stage, like, son of a bitch, get me out of here. So that's why I was happy I did the stand-up thing, because that's exactly what I wanted to test out, and I know exactly. How about this? How about this?

Does this make sense to you? I am more nervous to do stuff in front of a Barstool crowd than in front of Josh's crowd. crowd than in front of josh's crowd does that make sense or no sense that makes sense because you the um if you if you bomb in front of a crowd that doesn't know you doesn't matter it's almost like if you if you like you're young you like went to a party at like another school or something like that you're the people like you don't know it's just like i don't know whatever they're out of my life right yeah i will like in moments i'll never see any of you right again so it's like i'll say whatever i'll hook

up with you i'll party here oh i fucked that up doesn't matter i'm gonna see you again and these are also people i feel like i don't give a fuck about those people in the sense i want them to like me yes yeah but i don't feel any need for them. I feel a expectation. I feel a responsibility. I want to do really good. Yeah. It's like you guys. That makes me nervous.

That makes me nervous a bit. Now that we're talking about it. It makes me nervous that like, I don't know, if we go up there and bomb, these are all the people who are like in our Twitter world and like all like Dave will know and people here will know. Like when I went and did my Josh Wolf thing. Anyway, let's do the office. When I went and did my Josh Wolf thing,

it was like I went to Vegas by myself. And I was just like, I can do whatever I want right now. It doesn't matter. Now, I'm a kid with my family. I do think nerves are good to an extent. You're supposed to be nervous. When you go to see your family, you're nervous.

I'd be nervous over you. What? I'm funnier than you. Yeah. It's tough to go up there and be second middle. Does one stand up said he does? No, but the reason I'm really not nervous now is we went through like a run of show. And we just have a fuck ton of material.

And then we added in the viral video of the five foot tall dude at bagel boss going well he's the bagel boss he went fucking bananas that's gonna be like a in my mind like a top five video of the year yeah the 2019 countdown so things like that just fall out of the sky and it's like oh this is gonna be a piece of cake so de stefano will be there on stage with us my man akash from flagrant 2 is going to be opening up, maybe a couple more special guests. So if you are coming out tonight, I would say almost buckle up for a pretty long show, a pretty good night.

If you did come out last night. If you came out last night. You may not have buckled up, and you may have. You may have regretted not buckling up, because it's already done by now. So we got voicemails to get to. By the way, I can't believe how many gummies we just ate. I ate a lot of gummies. If you watched on barstoolgold.com slash KFC, I just ate 20 gummies.

They're still in my teeth. I don't know. I'm trying to get them out. I don't know. They're very good, though. They're delicious. We have what to do. I want to eat a lot of them, but I ate too many gummies just there.

I'll say it. Yeah, but you know what? I can feel the hair growing out of my head right now. It's bursting through my scalp. FleischmannSalon.com slash KFC. Come watch them on BarstoolGold.com slash KFC. Let's do an episode of The Office, an edition of The Office. Yeah.

Today's Office is brought to you by LetGo. It's the fastest-growing mobile marketplace to buy and sell locally. The vision of LetGo is to create a new future, a new world, John, where nothing goes to waste because one man's trash is another man's treasure. I just ate some of YP's ribs. Kind of the same thing. He had to let go of some of those ribs, and you ate it, and now you're happy. He was happy to not throw those in the garbage.

You're happy because you got a full belly. That is the LetGo dream right there. That's what you're happy. He was happy to not throw those in the garbage. You're happy because you got a full belly. That is the let go dream right there. That's what they're inspiring. If you're looking to sell, let go gives you an opportunity to sell all your unused items or if you're moving and you don't want to move stuff with you anything that you might consider junk or old or stuff that you buy and you

just don't use. I don't know. Maybe if you have, let's say, 65 pairs of sneakers that you don't wear. I don't know. Maybe hypothetically you could sell those on let go. And if you're looking to find stuff, uh, maybe for a little more of affordable price or, uh,

you know, pick it up locally in your neighborhood. You can also buy on let go. Uh, it says right here, thought starters, buying and selling sneakers. Fucking.

Yep. Absolutely. Uh, Oh, this is a good one too. Kids, old clothing. That's just,

that's just money sitting around. Because I don't know if you know this, John. Your kids will grow out of their clothes by the end of the day. You buy them something in the morning that fits, and by the end of the day, it fucking doesn't fit. That is crazy. That's why when people are wearing, when kids have like fire stickers. Can you stop your child's growth intentionally? He's not feeding vitamins and stuff?

No, I think what you do is you just put them in clothes that don't fit. Oh, okay. Just like, oh, those are capri pants now. Those are shorts now. Whatever. How about this shirt? How many strollers do you have? Well, me personally, not enough because, well, their mom has them all.

I have six. Six? Six strollers. Holy. You can get one from him. You got the, let's go, bro. What do you got, a double decker? Definitely a double. You have an umbrella. And then what? That's it. You got the... Let go, bro. What do you got? A double decker? Definitely a double.

You have an umbrella. And then what? That's it. You should have two. And then I've had different sizes for different kids as they need to upgrade. Yeah. We took one to California. We left it there.

I like that, though. I was just like, I'm not packing that. It's in God's hands. But you could have sold it. Right. Sell it on LetGo to the local people in California. Make a few bucks. Come back with money in your pocket. Why not you could have sold it. Right. Sell it on LetGo to the local people in California. Make a few bucks. Come back with money in your pocket.

Why not? So live in LetGo. Go to LetGo.com today. And LetGo.com slash Barstool. Tweet at us anything you're selling. All the extra items you're moving. And all the money you're making at LetGo.com slash Barstool. Today's office is brought to you by me, Fights, and Rowan.

My topic. Two really funny guys and one exceptionally funny guy. My topic is Kanye West. Now, where do you stand on Kanye these days? To brief everyone why it's Kanye, Kanye is on the cover of Forbes this month. He is the third richest celebrity of the last year. He made over $150 million last year. That's without an album, right?

He hasn't made any music, right? I don't remember when exactly. Oh, did Ye come out? Did that come out? Yeah, Ye came out. Yandy didn't. Yandy didn't. That was supposed to be September, wasn't it yeah yeah he keeps he's bopping around with that he's an asshole that's right no he's i mean he's he's an asshole yes but he is the most interesting man in

the world i'll give you that like he is intriguing and he when when kanye talks you listen and it's like it might be crazy it might not even make make sense. No, no, no. It's definitely crazy. But he also is really good at making it make sense at the very end. When he talks, it's almost like what Michael Scott's talking about, how he's like, sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going to go. But Kanye does, in the minute he's talking, finds a poignant end. I don't think he knows when he starts. I think he figures out a way to tie it all up.

It was like he had one thing where someone asked him. So he had that pretty, I feel like it's kind of an iconic picture of him in the middle of the Yeezy driveway with all of the shoes and prototypes he's made. And it's thousands of sneakers around him. And the guy asked him, so what number of these are never going to see the light of day? Are just prototypes and you're done with them? And he said, I'm not a numbers guy. And they're like. That is so annoying.

That's the guy who's like, just fucking answer the question, dude. Well, because he's like. Hey, how old are you, Kanye? Well, age is a state of mind. Like, just fucking how old are you, man? He Kanye's. I mean, he's famous for it. I mean, he changed when when Life of Apollo came out,

he changed that three times when it was done. He's like, some of these I think I'm done with. I might like it next year. I'm like, no, fuck it. That shoe's going out now.

But he had a quote and it was too long to even remember. But it was basically, he was like, if your grandmother showed up, would you, he's like,

you're asking me to calculate my love of these shoes. He's like, if your grandma showed up and handed you, he's like, you're asking me to calculate my love of these shoes. He's like, if your grandma showed up and hands you a birthday cake, what would you do? And I was like, what man? He's like, if your grandmother, you didn't know your grandmother was going to be in town. She flies into town and she brings you a birthday cake. What are you like? You're going to ask her, you're going to ask her about the frosting.

You're going to ask her about all the ingredients. And he's like, I don't, i'm not doing a story on my grandmother it's actually a great response i need more details for you because i'm writing a fucking story dude and and eventually he gets to he's like what i'm just saying is like just like you can't ask me to calculate my love like i don't ask me for the recipe i don't know the recipe just enjoy the just enjoy what i've done and like it's i hate this guy so much but it's so awesome it's like that's such a cool way to talk and cool way to say like no it's not it's a cool way to think it's cool to have your mind think yeah that is true and i guess and you know he kind of broke it down as like you know simplistic as he can and i get where he's coming from but this is the equivalent of when you say like how's it going man and you're supposed to just say good right but interesting people don't say good i know but like regular people do interesting ones don't fine but you can be

interesting without being a fucking like uh uh uh holier than thou like i'm smarter than you i'm better than you he comes off so smug he does because he is i know he's smarter than me he's better than me i don't even know i don't even know i don't i mean he's like it's another one of his great quotes people want you to be great they don't want you to say you're great he's like i'm fucking great man yeah and and i guess to to get to that next level you have to be that way but i think kanye west's greatest trait is not like his musical ability to make beats or to write raps or to even design sneakers. Much like his wife, it's just like the way he has convinced the world that everything he does is that important. No, but it is.

I don't think it is. See, I think – That's where – He's making songs and making sneakers. That's where I think you're wrong. Plenty of people have done that. But not to his extent. He's changed – like it sounds crazy because it is something he said, something like that.

Kanye West has changed the world. Kanye West's stamp on culture is irrefutable. On culture, sure. But when he goes out there and talks about it. But culture was what runs the world. No, not really. Because he puts himself in the same breath as the people who literally changed the world with technology. But Steve Jobs didn't change it with technology.

Steve Jobs changed it with design. No, that's not true. The iPhone is also the best piece of technology that's been invented. Kanye made low-top sneakers cool. No, he didn't. Yes, he – No, he didn't. When he made them cool again, when Yeezys came out, people were only wearing high-top, chunky shoes.

Sure, but if he didn't do it, everything's in cycles. And when they came out, he was like – everyone was like, oh, those aren't what people are wearing. That's all people wear now. Yeah, but if it wasn't him. No one buys basketball sneakers anymore. Like, low-top sneakers would have come back into style again if it wasn't Kanye. Definitely. Everything goes in cycles.

Maybe. Tight pants, then baggy pants. And someone has to start the cycle. Someone has to push the stone. But it would have been someone else. But it was Kanye West. It could have been Virgil Abloh. It could have been someone else like it would have but it was kanye it could have been virgil lablo it could have been someone else but it was kanye right but what but what he's he did the same thing he did it with he did it with music too like like i think you could say that someone else could have would have eventually done what kanye

did not like there's you can you couldn't say the same thing about some of the other people who are that he always puts on that list like i don't know if if steve jobs and apple didn't make a fucking iphone i don't know if that type of piece of technology would ever come about i think i do i think someone at one point would have said we should put music on phones yeah but to but they did so much more than that right they did a lot connie connie did with he with the way music is produced where he changed and even that is just like like like i don't think those songs are are I mean music is so weird because it's so subjective. But it's just like he convinced people that his new weird music is what's good. But you convince people by making – music is good by making good music.

I don't think so. That's what I'm saying. I think Kanye's greatest skill is whatever he does, people buy. I think – But that's been his skill since he came on the scene. Right. That's why he does well i think so how do you make how do you convince someone your genius step one i don't know that's why i

think he that's why i do give him by being like he did like i mean rap was before kanye came out rap was like the rap you like that's the the gangsters i mean kanye rapped about like god and you know he says like backpacks and polos and shit like that that that no one was doing that. He changed and then he made it more emotional. And that's what you have so many like emo rappers now. Kanye was the first on all of that. Right. That music, I think, is different. I think his new style, if someone else made the music that Kanye made, nobody would like it.

I don't know if that's true. I mean, it could be true, but Kanye makes it. I think it's so like overly produced and overly done. And the same thing with the sneakers and the clothes. I mean, the Yeezy jokes, the Yeezy line jokes forever. We're just like, this is homeless people's clothes. His entire existence from music to sneakers to everything is the Emperor's new clothes. Okay, but that's the joke when he releases it.

And then all the H&M's start selling knockoffs of it. Urban Outfitters start selling knockoffs of it urban outfitters start selling because he has all the power because he's got the power because what he tangibly but that's but that's defining culture yeah he i'm not he has the power that power he he had we are in agreement okay i think but i don't think he makes that good of music i don't think he makes that good of clothes i think his sneakers are pretty weird i mean like you wear like the scoop shirts those are all those are all just inspired by kanye you said it was almost when it came out now like it's like a shirt you wear every day scoop shirt is different than like a 700 sweatshirt with like but it's it's you it's

just the cheaper version of what like he made it a little bag here makes it scoop down here but it was tan and it was like and i was like that's what every guy wears i'm not gonna anoint that guy like the messiah because he put a scoop on a shirt i don't think what he's doing is that important it's it's cool it's music and clothes are important in the sense that it's like we like it they're like literally the most important things in our life right but but it's not but we live a very simple life like again when he compares himself to these like people who are actually revolutionizing the world it's like you make songs and t-shirts dude i think that's incredible i think defining cultures is an incredibly important thing

i mean he's on the cover of Forbes magazine. Yeah. There haven't been a lot of people on there. Because he has convinced the world that he's more than that. I don't know. I don't follow this argument. And I think much like Kim Kardashian, it's exactly like Kardashian. I give them all the credit in the world because what they're good at is convincing people that they are more important than they are.

But he's on the cover of Forbes. Right. Because Forbes is like, we have to talk to this guy because because he's the most he's one of the most important people in the world he's influential in music and clothing yes but i i just don't think that is that important on the grand scheme of things so what would you put above like world leaders and technological fucking he's like they can't influence world leaders. I mean, they came and did it. I guess. Kim reformed the prison jail and all that shit. Yeah.

I mean, Kim had like good, but I wrote it into reform. Yeah. Yeah. You can use your fame for good things and influential. I think when you define culture, political leaders want to impress you rather than the other way around. Yeah. And so I think that makes you almost more important than them.

Well, yeah. I mean, I see what you're saying, but I don't I don't think that makes you almost more important than them well yeah i mean i see what you're saying but i don't i don't think that like at the end of the day if like heine west disappeared like music and clothes would be different that's it it would be different yeah there would be something like we wouldn't lose you know at the end of the day if donald trump disappeared there'd be a different president yeah i mean that would probably be a good thing but i think you say that with like anybody you're what no i think i think if like apple didn't exist like the world would be in a less advanced place i think that and i think

i it's the the it's the world versus culture is what we're arguing about here and i think if yeezy didn't exist i think fashion and and everything you wear would be in a different place yeah but that to me is just not important. Because it would just be like... But it is! You're saying to you, it's important to you. It's important to me. It's important to us. But we just think something else is cool.

That's all it is. It's just like Kanye has said this is cool, and if Kanye wasn't around, someone else would be like, no, actually, high-top sneakers are cool. Right, but he's the one who... For 20 years, he's decided it. Who cares?

It's all made up. If for 20 years you decide what's cool, that's all it's all made up if you've been for 20 years you decide what's cool that's a fucking pretty impressive it's cool that's cool it's just not that important i mean that well you're just saying well like the years are green that like our lives like are meaningless right so like but you can say that you can say that about no but you can say about literally the head of every single thing if if apple didn't exist yes technology would be where it is they've made advancements but if you're saying that like music wouldn't change like

there would be there's still uh like microsoft there's still hewitt packard it's still ibm there there apple's not the only technology company people would have made technological advancements i think that they were they're revolutionary in the sense of like they were able to come up with technology that no one else was coming up with i think i think kanye is revolutionary in the sense that he was coming up with clothing things but what he's coming up with is just not that important okay that's kind of where it's just at the end of the day i think you're wrong but okay you think that like i think i think what style t-shirt we wear is i think culture defines the world yes i i think i think there always will be culture it's just like there always will be technology driving it. But but not the person driving is the most important person in the car at all times.

Yeah, but there will always be a driver like someone. What are we even talking about? Because I like if the world just gave me all the credit Kanye gave, like I could just say this is cool and that's cool. If you told me to let go, you have to do something to get that credit. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. And then once you have that credit, you have to build on it and you have to not fuck it up. And you have to get like you have to do something to get that credit yeah and that's what i'm saying and then once you have that credit you have to build on it and you have to not fuck it up and you have to not ruin it like he's kardashian like that's the same thing as kim kanye and kim are the same that's why they're the perfect match okay i mean we're just

gonna talk in circles so we can move on uh we'll do he's worth we made 150 million dollars this year i think he's he's pretty important i think those are two different things i don't think rich and important are the same important in the sense that we like so you think apple is important i'm just wondering like where is important to you apple is i think like technology and like health care and like political leaders i mean i don't think those are important but you like the world you don't know so you just think other worlds are important worlds you don't don't exist in i think that like things such as, I think this song is good or this shirt is cool is not important. So nothing that's important to you is important.

Yeah, basically. Important to me is just like I live a very simplistic life. I would never say. But you can still live a simplistic life and follow politics. Yeah, but I'm just saying. But you just don't think it's important enough to follow. I don't think they are important enough to canonize this guy. I think he's a very cool dude.

And he's brilliant in the sense of he has just spoken in such a way where everyone's like, we have to listen to that guy. And I love that. I think that's the most interesting thing about him. I just don't think that his sneakers are that transcendent or his music is even that good anymore. But the fact that he's convinced the world it is such is fucking fascinating and that if they were if they were doing articles like that like how did kanye west trick the world into thinking he's the most important person ever

that i would get the articles of kanye west is the most important person in the world and most important person ever it makes no sense to me it's not what it was the article was kanye west the second coming uh that's what drives me crazy it's you're saying the second coming of like sneaker design sure no it's just coming of like the world get the fuck out it's his second it's kanye's second act it's music now it's he made 100 is i mean yeezy has become a 1.5 billion dollar company in four years that doesn't happen by accident no it's not worth by tricking the world it's now it's not worth half of what jordan was jordan started in like the fucking what 92 94 or something like that that that's the better story to me is like how has kanye west convinced the

world that like his sneakers are that much more influential than michael jordan's like michael jordan had a reason why his sneakers were a thing it's like this is the greatest athlete ever playing in them it's just like kanye was just like i like these and i was like okay sounds good that's fascinating the shoe itself defining defining culture right which most people in the world is the most important thing just not that important really at the end of the day okay it's like kim like she said that like all the social media and reality tv is important really not at the end of the day no nothing most people like is important but it is what it is the most nothing is important on a small scale but it is also the most important thing in the world let's talk about dicks or something roan's topic on the office the worst state did he offer up a

state he did not the worst state it depends on what you define as the worst because like florida is like the worst state it produces the worst people the worst. Because Florida is the worst state. It produces the worst people, the worst stories. It's the skells of society. It's the dregs of the earth. You're not going to get... But it's culturally important. Florida has become a thing.

So that's true. What's worse? Is it irrelevance like Montana? Or is it like you fucked your sister and i don't think irrelevant is bad murdered your i think i think uh i think irrelevance is probably good i think as far as states go to disappear in a state and just like live somewhere beautiful montana is like regarded as the best yeah i can't imagine living there i want to kill myself idaho if you came from idaho i'd just be like potatoes i would have potatoes online because because if you're from an irrelevant state and you tell me

you're from that state i have no opinion of you're from that state, I have no opinion of you. Which I think is a good thing. You are a completely blank slate to me. You get to define a state. If I said you're from Florida, you'd be like, you're white trash. I'd be like, oh, you're a piece of fucking shit. If you say you're from Mississippi... Racist. Mississippi's terrible. Most states, I'm going to be like, racist.

Louisiana. If it didn't have New Orleans, we can separate the two. Louisiana is nothing but Carmelone having sex with 11-year-olds. It's just terrible. But they do have New Orleans. You can't take that away from them. Yeah, I mean, that is big to have a number one. One of the most important cities.

It's like Anthony Davis when he was in the Pelicans. Yeah, Pelicans stink. But Anthony Davis, that's worth the price of admission. Oklahoma's totally lame. Oklahoma. Oklahoma, I don't know if I'd call Oklahoma racist. That's worth the price of admission. Oklahoma is totally lame. Oklahoma. Oklahoma. I don't know if I'd call Oklahoma racist. I think they avoid the racist tag.

Don't know why. Just shooting from the hip here. Classic Oklahoma style. I also think you have to throw in all the cold, shitty states. The Dakotas. Even Minnesota to an extent. I think Michigan kind of sucks um michigan michigan sucks but it's almost they have university michigan which also kind of sucks

definitely i went one time like it wasn't and i had i had a good time but like i was so vastly underwhelmed by the big house um estate right, right? Wisconsin sucks. Imagine if your state is like, what saves you? I legit didn't realize. I thought Wisconsin, Michigan might have been a place. If your state, if the first thing you think of is the school, then I think you suck. Because at least New Orleans is a city. You have a town there.

It's not LSU. It's got history on top of fun. If it's like Michigan, what about Michigan? That football team was pretty cool for a while. Teams got the cool uniforms. That's the thing. Fuck that state. The Dakotas are terrible.

How about Alaska? I like Alaska don't know why yeah little mystery out there if you think like the northern states suck I mean like

that's at the top of the world isn't that also like the most southern state too isn't that one of those fucking riddles it's definitely the

furthest east and the furthest west I think it's something else I think it's three out of four rounds or some shit fuck Alaska

that's stupid yeah it's one of those dumb ones oh I guess yeah yeah furthest. I think it's three out of four south. Fuck Alaska. That's stupid. It's one of those dumb ones. I guess it's further east and west. That's the best part. What is it?

It's like northeast and west. It can't be the farthest south. Hawaii is that, right? Yeah. California,

most New York might suck. Like the city sucks. And the rest of New York really sucks. New York might be the worst state. We just got a lot going on on you make a lot of money and shit like that like we're important

but we suck that's a sneaky one because the other 99 in new york is really completely pointless what else and then the good part is overrated right but you know you like you take away new york and like i think like we wouldn't be as powerful of a nation or some shit like that. So you can't do that. But I do think my answer has to be Wisconsin because I didn't even know if it was a state. So I had to think about it there. I think I might give it to Missouri. Maybe Mississippi.

Missouri. Missouri. They had St. Louis, right? Yeah. But St. Louis is a good, poor, and racist. And Missouri is one of those. I remember when I was in St. Louis at the Super Bowl, and I was in an Uber cab, and the driver's like,

yeah, we're just good people down here, man. We don't hate nobody. And I was like, you know you're fucking lying to me. You hear that voice? You hate somebody. You hate a like, you know you're fucking lying to me. You hear that voice? You hate somebody. You hate a whole group of people I've met. Look, man, you sound like you hate fucking most people. Anybody who doesn't look like you, probably.

I think that's a topic if you have to bring up. If you don't hate people, I feel like it comes up a lot. I tell you what, I'd get in the ride and be like, hey, man, who do you hate? And he's like, nobody. I'm like, man, if you're fucking telling me something I wasn't trying to buy, I think you're a pretty shitty salesman, bro. My thing about Missouri, anytime you have to ask, like, I don't know where St. Louis is versus Kansas City. Isn't, like, Kansas City, are you in Kansas City?

Kansas is both. Are the Royals in Missouri? If I don't even know where your sports... If I don't know if a sports team is from your state when they are, that state sucks. Yeah. It's the same. I remember I was at the game. Patrick Mahomes was at the Blues game.

I'm like, what the fuck is Patrick Mahomes doing here? Why would he be at this game? So Kansas City Chiefs are in Missouri? No, he plays the sports board in the state. Yes. So yeah, I didn't even know that. It might be Missouri. I was completely baffled.

The Royals and the Chiefs play in Missouri? I even knew... Do the Royals, Chiefs, Cardinals, and Blues all play in Missouri? I think so. I thought the Royals were in Kansas. Kansas, no? No, I think it's one of those fucking weird things. Because if all four of those teams are from the state of Missouri,

and I didn't know that about any of them, Missouri is hands down the worst state in the union. Oh, the union just reminded me of the sentence I was already saying. My, like, great-grandfather was there, lived there. And he said – Yeah. And I believe his phrase used to be, Missouri. What's that?

They're all Missouri. The state of Missouri has four professional teams? His thing was, the state of Missouri, the only state in the union that has two Federal Reserve banks where the pigs live on peaches and poverty is unknown. And guess what, Grandpa Feidelberg, if you were around today, that state is doing different. Very, very different. Poverty is super known.

They are doing different, son. Super well-known. Very well acclimated with poverty. I absolutely thought the Royals were in Kansas. So the state of Missouri has had, in recent years, a World Series champion, a Stanley Cup champion. They have the new, like, best quarterback in the world. And who's the other team in there?

The Chiefs, Blues, Royals, and the Cardinals. Well, St. Louis and the Cardinals. And never once have I thought, like, man, it must be good to be from Missouri. They are, like, flooding with great sports. They got bad PR. Dude, they got terrible PR. Missouri, worst state in the union.

That's pathetic. Just bad at being a state. Terrible. Bad at being a state. Not bad teams, though. No, great. Don't hate anybody down there, neither. Nope.

We don't hate anybody down there neither no we don't hate nobody my topic for uh uh the office is i my wallet got stolen from me and i needed to get a new phone yeah that was you really had a hell of a time i went completely i went jason born i could have like just when did your wallet get stolen i left it in my car i had a bunch of shit in my hands i left it in my car i was like i'll run back down and get it and i just didn't and i forgot that i live in the hood now and it just got yoinked out of my car in the middle of the night so i i think i knew that yeah i i mean it just it all got done like 24 hours so i i and i needed to get a new phone so i but then i get a new phone and it was like all right i got to download all these new apps so i got to go to the app store and then it was like

enter your credit card information i didn't have any because i canceled it you know so i like i got on the train i was like i can't get a fucking ticket i couldn't download any of my new apps i could i had to go to the bank and fill out a fucking slip and get like two thousand dollars in cash to go buy a new cell phone they were like and then they're like you want to finance it like you don't have to pay it up front you can just roll it into your monthly bill just give me your credit card i was like i can't so here's a fucking like eleven hundred dollars up front see that's what we want to get deep here that's that's where the system fucks you i know and that's what got me thinking it was like i got to get back on this cash train because it was like they control every fucking thing now but no oh i'm saying it fucked you because it's one of those

things where like you can only afford to do it in like certain increments stuff like that it fucked you because you could get that phone for free yeah i could walk down there without paying a dime that day but also like the company pays your cell phone bill so you can just get a new phone fuck i really fucked up yeah also a topic on the office like do your expenses at work because i yeah yeah no like if i get a new phone it's just like it still fits in the fucking company thing. So it's just, like, they just pay for my phone. Totally fucked myself there.

I had to just give this guy $1,000 cash. iPhones are wildly expensive. Yeah. Wildly. I thought they were, like, $700. It was $1,000. $1,000. They're crazy.

See? Fucking Steve Jobs, bro. But, I mean, I had no cards. I had no phone. I had no, like, ability to buy anything or download anything. When you're like that, it's the most naked y'all ever feel. You're like, I don't know. Even if you just, I can't imagine not having both.

I don't know how the fuck, I wouldn't know what to do. It was only like 12 hours, and like, thank God, because otherwise I would have just been like, I'm just sitting in bed until I get my new card. And that's another thing. Chase was like, yeah, you'll get your card in seven to 10 days. Yeah. I said, motherfucker. No, I won't. And they were like, well, that's what we do.

And I was like, well, it's an emergency. I need money. And they were like, okay, we'll expedite it. Like, well, why wasn't that the first option? No, they'll do the day. I mean, again, the system, everyone's a bunch of fucking scammers and they'll be like, it's $35. I'm like, well, fuck it.

And take seven to 10 days. I guess I'm not. And it's not like I can afford it i can afford it but fuck you yeah and and then they're like well and i'll be like i'm like that's that's fucking bullshit but whatever i guess i'll take seven to ten like actually we'll waive the fee this time and it's like thank you yeah oh my but then i i'm sure that shit comes from like because i have money in the bank there and if i didn't they'd be like fuck you 35 bucks they like they don't want me to get pissed to go to a different bank but if i if i was like if i had like i have 60 and they're like well 35 to get that card yeah yeah and like they'd

fucking make you pay that because they don't give a shit about your business and now i also have to uh find all my all my like bills and re-enter them because they're all on my debit card like i literally don't know how I pay my car bill. It's not like – I remember when I first signed up, they were like, oh, no, no, no. You don't pay it through the dealership, like the Hyundai thing. It's like a separate portal. I kept saying portal. I can't find the portal.

I'm searching my Gmail. I'm searching car payment and Hyundai portal. Can't find it. Don't know what I'm going to do. Eventually, I'll get a bill in the mail and I'll be like, okay, here it is. Don't they just take that? I think they don't take a credit card for that. Maybe it's a checking account?

Yeah. Okay, so I might be good on that. I would be surprised if car payments take credit cards. I'm making up all these new passwords and everything. I'm like, ah! The worst. It is crazy how the grasp technology has now where it's just if you if you become so accustomed to it even little things like i couldn't get spotify or apple music downloaded

because again i was having the iCloud like i couldn't sign up until i had a card and i would start just walking to grand central without music playing or a podcast or anything and i was like i can't do this i can't just like walk and have my thoughts anymore. See, I like that. Yeah, you're a weirdo. You do that all the time. I need music playing. I need to be able to open up my Twitter. I just was left alone to walk with my thoughts, and I wanted to jump in front of a train.

I can't do that. What do you think about, though? I think people say that all the time, and it has become something of a... Me? What do I think about? My fucking miserable life but like you so that's what you're like replaying in your head just stuff like that

yeah see i like just i'm more just so what's the next steps or all that shit yeah i'm more just observe yeah rather than like i don't like i don't replay my day in my head or anything like that i'm just watching just like oh that guy's like dressed funny oh that person tripped look at that and then i just make fun of in my head yeah it's fun practice great way to live yeah like it's fun to get a funny stuff yeah i was just just just one track mind just fucking nothing else around me even mattered the technology grasp is scary though i was like oh boy i'm completely reliant upon this is it's very nerve-wracking twice recently i've showed up at grand central to get on the train and i had like two percent left on my battery and i just went to the Apple store in Grand Central

and bought a new charger. And those aren't cheap. The cord and the thing together now, it's like 50-something bucks, just so I could plug it in and charge it on the train. It's like, I can't just be on this 25-minute train with no stimulation. That's bad.

That's bad. That is bad. Real bad. I think maybe I'd do that once, and then I'd be like, I'm not going to. Yeah, I probably did it like three times. I'm not going to keep doing it. And where are those chargers?

I don't fucking know. I'm always like, where's the charger? God damn it. Kiwi Co. brings today's voicemails. Everybody loves a good subscription box, right? Because you sign up with one with your debit card and then it just comes and arrives and it delivers you goodness, right? You get food boxes and wellness boxes. Well, think about your kids.

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Yeah, she was like a teacher and all that, right? So she was probably stimulating him. And look at him. He makes $150 million. This isn't about the kids. This is not about the kids. This is not about the kids. This is about you. This is about making your kid become someone who can make $150 million a year so that you can retire.

I don't care if you're stimulated. I care about you making money to give back to me when you are older. That's the name of the game. KiwiCo. They create super cool hands-on projects to make learning fun. STEAM. Science, technology, engineering, art, and math. It's designed by experts.

It's tested by kids. So you know this is quality activities and interactive toys and games that are going to challenge your kid and help them grow. You get a new box each month. And that means you don't have to worry about going to the store and buying them stuff. You don't have to worry about all their toys and puzzles and stuff getting older. You're going to have new stuff to stimulate them every single month. It's convenient, affordable, and it's going to encourage kids to be anything they want. Go to KiwiCo.com slash KFC.

That's K-I-W-I-C-O dot com slash KFC. Get your first month free. And the other options start at just $19.95 a month, including shipping. So under $20, including shipping, with your first month free when you go to KiwiCo.com slash KFC. What's up, KFC? Fight, SupercomputerBC. Got a question for you about leaving a fan base. KFC, I saw you were talking about possibly leaving and becoming a Nets fan,

but you just couldn't do it. My buddy's from Jersey. He was a Nets fan when they left. He left too, but now he's in some sort of weird limbo. I've been in New Jersey and now Brooklyn Nets fan my whole life. I guess what are the grounds for leaving? Can Knicks fans come now? I'm telling you. Would you look down on them?

First of all, sorry, when did people start using Super something? I love it, but when? Which one did he say this time? Super computer. Super computer beast. Yeah. Somebody said, the first person said Super Nintendo, and now everybody's just buying something? I love it. But when? Which one did he say this time? Supercomputer BC. The first person said Super Nintendo and now everybody's just...

We should keep it running tallyable. Recently I was hanging out with older friends that I hadn't talked to in a while. For me, everybody was not offline, but they didn't follow along with Barstool, so they don't know that. And they found out that I have a nickname, and that was not a fun experience.

Oh, hey, Super Producer. I'm going on a bachelor party with all those same guys. Super Nintendo is a good one, though. I mean, it's good between me and you guys. It's real not good in real life. Shout out to the fans. I mean, I get that still all the time, too. People are like, oh, KFC's out tonight with us.

Like, if I say something, like, douchey, they're like, oh, douchey. Let me tell you what, if you're one of my friends and you do and you do that shut the fuck up i mean it's been a long fucking time like it was in the beginning fine if you're still doing that go fuck yourself i don't like it either like i don't like this existence either it doesn't it doesn't really happen with my friends so much anymore but it happens with like friends on like like outside friends and stuff like that and they're like oh look who's like a d-list celebrity now like you know the one that pisses me off the most is when like like outside friends and they're like yeah like i hear you're doing really well like i don't really follow i

don't know i'm not that into it yeah and i'm like all right man i don't know your fucking job either we don't need to bring it up i know i i love that it's just like yeah i don't have time to listen or something that's just like i don't have time to give a fuck about your accounting i don't give a fuck about your third grade history people are so fucking small like if they feel small you bring you down like like i'm not riding high you don't need to fucking pull me off the horse don't knock me down a few pegs like i'm okay i'm good i don't give a shit either i definitely don't give a shit about you yeah we don't have that conversation i'm just trying to be nice right now i don't give a shit about your job and i don't give a shit about you giving or not giving shit about my

right right right we don't have to talk about work at all i challenge you to do that every next person you meet you go out with you meet through friends try not to talk about work see what happens i i had it's impossible i don't know what do you do but i don't care about it we don't have to talk about it yeah it's one of those things i always started the uh it is like one of the things though that we're like you have to yeah because it's like it's in the like there's an office scene where they're like guys can we just not talk about work like jim's party or something like that i just can't talk at all yeah i don't fucking know anything about you like but i guess then like find out more about me though if i to say – if I had to give one piece of like fucking foo-foo hippie bullshit advice, I'd be like be an interesting enough person that you don't have to talk about work. Like when someone just says like what do you do or what do you – like what do you do?

Like if you're interesting enough that you can say something other than what you do for employment, you probably do a lot of cool shit. I've actually had an opposite thing happen to me recently where it's not what i'm saying but i i used to be bad it's like i've been working on it and it's i didn't ask people about themselves because i just assumed they hated it they don't want to talk about themselves yes yes and because i don't want to talk about it bring up like what do you do for work because you're probably fucking miserable no no i'm no i'm the opposite i ask them things like that because i don't like i vote i don't want to talk about it. I'm not going to bring up, like, what do you do for work? Because you're probably fucking miserable. No, no, no. No, I'm the opposite. I ask them things like that. Oh.

Because I don't like talking about me. I just don't, really. Like, I don't want you to ask me how. And people do find our days interesting. So they pry. And I'm like, I don't know, man. Like, we just, I don't know if I fucking did a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to. So, and usually the conversation would fall because I wouldn't ask them back. Or I wouldn't ask them back or i wouldn't ask them any questions about themselves because i just assumed like me you don't want to fucking do it yeah i've recently discovered most people really fucking like themselves and you can you can people think you're a great conversationalist just by asking them about them i'm just like yeah so like oh how are your children even that i wouldn't ask how are? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about your kids. 10 minutes.

Take that off the board right there. I know what you're saying. You just give them an inch and they'll run with it. Just be like, so, how was your day? And it's like, let me tell you everything that's happened since college. But I feel like if I said to someone like, so, how's work? I'm expecting them to be like, it's fucking terrible. And it's like, how's your kids doing?

It's like, I don't know. They're really expensive and loud and keep me up at night. All of these things things probably just projecting but i feel like i'm like what what would you want to talk about it's like is there anything you like and it's probably just themselves it probably is that but i find myself not asking the normal questions because i automatically assume you're as miserable as me right in the world that's what they might not be they might just want to talk about their day most people i've encountered are not they enjoy talking about themselves. It's bananas. That's fucking crazy.

And then I'll pick out a piece and I'll talk about that. I basically tried to start doing it just so I... Because I do the same thing in interviews. I'll kind of clam up and be like, oh boy, he's not going to want to talk about that. That wasn't a perfect thing. That wasn't me sucking his dick.

Oh, that's fucking weird. Probably a normal person who can just talk about whatever you ask him next voicemails brought to you by and we didn't answer anything close to the question no it was a question fanbase yeah we went off I actually can trace it it was I went to the nicknames I was in nicknames the nicknames. I went to nicknames. The nicknames went to real-life friends. Real-life friends went to real-life outside friends. That was a little two-for-one. That was a little double whammy voice.

I'll tell you something. And I'm serious. I'm fucking serious, guys. I'm serious. I'm almost out. Like, I cannot do this anymore. It's getting to the point. Here's your breaking point.

Mother fucker. I cannot do this anymore. It's getting to the point. Here's your breaking point. Motherfucker. You reach a breaking point where you are not just miserable. I am starting to be embarrassed of myself. I'm starting to feel stupid. Because you're continuing to be a Mets fan. And Knicks. And everything. Yeah. Jets fan. And Knicks. And everything.

Jets are actually good right now. But I think about, and maybe this is because we're a little bit elevated or have a little bit of access. I think about myself, there might be a chance I'm in a room with Jeff Wilpon somehow. More than the average person, right? And I don't think I could take myself seriously

if I saw that guy and I'd be like, this he fucking sucks he is a piece of shit and i am just like a puppet i am his puppet i am his lemming i am his little pet would you if you find yourself in a room would you say something i mean i always think about that because it's like i'm not gonna be you know i'm still like a socially normal person i'm not gonna like cause a scene at like a cocktail party i'm not gonna like be like a pita protester who's going to like throw something at him. But I feel like if there was ever a thing where it was like you're going to get to sit down with him or something, I would have to ask. That's what I mean. Like in order for me to look myself in the mirror, I would have to ask that question.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look myself in the mirror. I'm like what am I doing? And I think something's happening. At least the people I follow. Maybe it's my little echo chamber. But the beat reporters I follow and the radio hosts I listen to, everyone's kind of starting to use this analogy of, like, if this sports team was a friend of yours,

you would never fucking talk to them ever again. You would fucking hate them. You would write them off. You would belittle them. You would disparage them. It's because he keeps doing more and more outrageous stuff, like hiring an agent. It keeps getting worse.

Lowering the bar. If it's just a team that keeps losing, it's one thing. But if it's a team that keeps trying, they hire good baseball people, and they just lose because they're Pittsburgh, you'd be like, well, what are you going to do? You live in Pittsburgh. I can root for bad teams. I can't root for the stupid incompetence where you become a – As willful incompetence.

Yes. Yeah. And so my thing is I think you can quit. I would not begrudge any Mets fan who just gave up. Any Knicks fan. But you can't go. You can't switch. You can't go somewhere else.

You can't switch. Or you can, but I'll never take you seriously. Like if tomorrow I was just like, I am a Kansas City Chiefs fan. And I can do that. I mean, I've done that. We do that for content. I do that for fun. People do that when they gamble.

You become the biggest fan of that team when you put money down. And so you might root in the moment. And so you expect Frankie Borelli to take you as a serious, serious Islanders fan. Yeah, yeah. The Islanders is perfect. I did join up with the Islanders. And for like a three-year period, I wasn't watching every game. But I knew what was going on.

I followed the team. I watched like the Rangers rivalry, stuff like that. But then when Frankie came along, I was like, alright, I'm not the Islanders guy anymore because I know. So you can't be taken too seriously. If you want to just go be a casual fan, fine. I think you're allowed to leave when it's gross mismanagement

and incompetence, but I don't think you can ever switch. Can you come back? I don't think so. I think it's I agree with... No, fuck that because I'm kind of doing that with the Knicks. I was about to do can ever switch. Can you come back? I don't think so. I think it's – I agree with – No, fuck that because I'm kind of doing that with the Knicks. I was about to do that with Zion. I have not given my time to the Knicks for like a decade. And if they got Zion and they got some of these guys, I would have come back in the mix.

And I probably – There's between coming back from being an absentee father and then coming back from like, oh, I have a second family. Yeah, right. If you're just like, I don't really give a shit i yeah i was cheating on you i i i had a whole other life now but now i want to come crawling back i agree with that so if you just go into like a hiatus you can you're gonna catch shit though i i fully understand when my knicks fans like bro now you're a knicks fan i get it but if i became a nets fan fan you can't do that man I I agree with you on the fact that there is a shift and I think it's I think it's almost being restarted by our generation or

maybe it may be generation I can only speak for my generation but like when we were kids and that you do John you speak for this when we were kids like we liked I like players yeah yeah right I like the Bruins, but I also, I love the Colorado Avalanche. I love Mark Messi and the New York Rangers. I love Pavel Burry and the Vancouver Canucks. I like sports do that too.

The NBA is very much player driven. Right. I love Kobe. I loved Iverson. I love Garnett. Like no matter what teams they were on, I was, I was watching them.

And I think, and maybe they were, maybe other, I think as more and more access to outside markets becomes available. I can watch the Timberwolves. I think that's going to become a more acceptable thing. There's something like evolutionary happening. I think that there is.

I think people are just starting to realize that sports fandom is inherently like silly. And when you see someone like me, like I'm a generally like less happy person because of this. And it's just like, you know, if you sit in a room with a learned man, with a smart person, they would just be like, well, why are you doing this to yourself? And I personally know I can't stop. A therapist you're referring to. Yeah. Yeah. A therapist would be like, stop.

A therapist would break up with that person or quit that job. They'd be like, stop walking the mess. I don't like the person analogy. Like I guess it could only be like if you were if i were to break up with that person or quit that job they'd be like yeah but i don't like the person analogy like i guess it could only be like if you were in love with that person but a team always has the promise of winning a championship and celebrating and that is worth a lot but when they don't have the promise there is no promise so what am i doing jeff wilpon has a son named bradley bradleypon is going to do the same thing for the duration of my life. So I know this will never stop. So what the fuck am I doing?

Does anybody have an answer? It's a tough one. Do you have an answer? You always say, like, I rooted for the loser teams, too. We had a curse, and we had an incompetent, like, you know. John doesn't have an answer. John's the reward. John is the answer.

Yeah, I know. I like that. I'm the reward john's the reward john is the answer yeah i like that i'm the reward i'm the answer baby but i mean my answer is is 2015 we almost fell into one and that was that's what makes it worse because that was our shot yeah i mean you wait another 20 years and you only fall yeah you only fall until possibly one so we didn't fall into it yet we still have one that we can accidentally trip over ourselves Yeah, I mean, you wait another 20 years and you only fall until possibly one. We didn't fall into it yet. We still have one that we can accidentally trip over ourselves and win a championship. That's all I'm dead. I think you can actually, but that's what I'm saying. If you wanted to, if I was just like, I'm a Nets fan right now, the world would shame me.

I think if you do it. What if I was just like, I don't care. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. If you're going to do it, you got to lean into it. And you got to be like, don't care yeah that's what i was gonna say if you're gonna do it you gotta lean into it and you gotta be like look man it's like yo my team is fucking awesome i got home great over here like i don't give a shit about like what you but you're a fucking idiot yeah like go you can be mad at me all you want hate me all you want be on the fucking float at the parade though won't i yes i am the smarter, more level-headed, more reasonable, happier person because of this choice. Yeah, you can.

So you can go ahead with your, like, loyalty and honor and, like, I have a code and there's a system and there are rules. What the fuck ever. It's kind of like Kevin Durant joining up a super team. It's just like, okay, guys, you're mad at me because I didn't like, I wasn't like Jordan. But guess what? I got back-to-back finals MVPs, motherfucker. You know? Let's go live a happier life. But I don't think you, but guess what? I got back-to-back finals MVPs, motherfucker. You know? Just go live a happier life.

But I don't think you can join up and be taken seriously. You can do whatever you want. You just have to know that the backlash is going to be people who still play by the rules. I think just own the backlash. If you're going to do it, really, really own it. I'm a super fan of that shit. I think we also have to be concerned about the legitimate curse. That, like, the team that you would leave for would suddenly have something terrible befall them no no no you go the new team then just keep going

you don't find for it you don't you don't go for like one team anytime there's a new good team that's your fucking team like but yeah i'm just i wrote i wrote 34 years of my life i've rooted for losers next 34 i'm rooting for the winner every fucking year but so you don't even pick the clippers right now. You wait to see if they win. No, no, no. I'd be a front runner. I'd be like, whatever.

Then that didn't work out. It'd be the next year. I'd be like, you know what, man? I think Hawaii and Paul George got this year. Any team I was confident in, any team I liked and was confident in. That's my team. That's my team that year. I'm not worried about cursing the new one.

I'm worried about the old one winning. If I leave, the Mets then win. Wow. Because again, it's me. The only solution. Sleep is the only escape. Death is the only permanent escape. We would say and fire Wilpon.

Everybody else would be saying fire you. What if you met Wilpon and laid into him? And he's like, bro, we both know this is your fucking hell. I thought about that like if I, like what if I just killed myself and I was a fucking hero. If I was a martyr. A straight martyr. That would be good. Statue of you outside Sydney.

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The movement keeps growing. So you got to get on board, become a part of it, have stylish accessories with some extra money in your pocket because they are all affordable and all premium. Hundreds to choose from at MVMT.com slash KFC. Hey, what's up, boys? So one of my buddies asked me a little hypothetical the other day. Who would win the fight, a Navy SEAL in a toddler's body or a toddler in a Navy SEAL's body?

I think it's a pretty easy decision right there. Let's see what you say. Navy SEAL in a toddler's body, a toddler in a Navy SEAL's body. You've got to go with the Navy SEAL brain. No. I mean, a toddler is completely incompetent. Oh, wait. No.

Am I thinking about this right? No, I'm thinking about a toddler's body. A toddler understands fight or flight. I'm thinking Navy SEAL's body. A toddler understands, like, I'm being attacked. The toddler can hit back and stuff like that if it's hitting father's brain what's that so yeah so you're saying put a yeah i'm taking a toddler who understands fighting into a strong because give me the exact age of toddlers but

i was thinking like if it was seven for the seven-year-old that's not a toddler that's what i'm saying if a seven-year-old I would probably take the seal in that body. Two to four. Two to five. No, I think five maybe. Bro, a toddler wouldn't know how to strike you and shit. Well, I guess this depends. So does the Navy SEAL's body just take over? When it hits you, is it going to karate chop your neck? Or is it going to be a toddler going like this? Probably going to be going like that, but it's doing it to a five-year-old with the strength of a fucking warrior.

I thought it was talking about me fighting one. We're talking about them fighting each other? I don't think so. Oh, it's what you're fighting? I think so. You have to fight. Didn't he say a toddler baby? Or no, is it who would win?

I didn't hear. So those two are fighting each other. Those two are fighting each other, yes. So I'm thinking I'm taking the seal's body. Yeah, because I'm just going to kick the little baby. Yeah. Okay. The toddler's brain.

I was thinking if it's me, though, I think like a little fucking Navy seal could still kill me. I think I'm going with the Navy seal and the baby body. I think a Navy seal would like climb up the fucking big Navy SEAL and break its neck. No. Or like poke its eyes. Look, I don't know a lot in this world. I don't think you could. You think you could beat up a very tiny Navy SEAL is what you're telling me.

Yeah. I don't think you could. I think Navy SEALs are killing machines. A very tiny Navy SEAL with the body with the muscle mass of a fucking two-year-old. I still think they can like – I don't know. They'll like hit you in a fucking pressure point. But I definitely think then they could take like a really dumb person because that's what a Navy SEAL's body with a –

I think – Yeah, like I'm – I would probably win the fight with the Navy SEAL's body versus with a toddler's brain in it. Right, right, right. Because if it's – the only one that knows how to hit me is that, like, I could probably take that person.

Yeah. The, I think a super tiny Navy SEAL is almost like, they might have those, bro. They might deploy those. They might have

some little midget Navy SEALs that can get them to tiny places and, like, assassinate people. I think size is such a factor where it's just like,

as long as, like, the brain can, like, understand. Shay is like, Shay is like two feet tall and 30 pounds yeah so even if she was like an assassin i feel like you could just be like they like smash it into a wall but it's kind of like the mountain versus the viper right like yeah i almost pulled it off eventually size does can the baby can the baby use weapons can like because like a navy seal knows how to work a knife absolutely a navy seal can fucking kill you with a newspaper okay so where's this fight taking place is it really starting in the

living room in a nursery in a baby nursery oh then yes the baby's home turf I then I went in a nursery I went because there's not something that if we were in the house and like it was little blocks and shit like that little like wooden fucking like I have like I'd love to be able to do this yeah this is a great paper if we could just get not even like a real i'd love to fight a baby like if we could get like a robot like i would fight a robot baby that was like skill i think size i got two babies bro can we like can some computer programmer like figure this out and just like add in all the variables and we just watch this somehow i got two babies you can rent them.

I'll train her. She's not going to be a Navy SEAL, but I'll train her in the art of fighting for like a month. J-Bus. Feidelberg on pay-per-view. I think a two to four year old would run at me and I think I'd just grab it. Two is too young. Let's go four. Yeah, Keegan's like two. He's still like falling over.

Shay is like, she can run and shit. Okay, I think a four-year-old would run at me. I think it's in the right place. It hurts. Oh, yeah. I'm sure it would hurt, but I'm not saying, I think once I get hands on you, the fight's over. Yeah, but like, could that?

Like, if a Navy SEAL's like swinging from the chandeliers, like kicking you and shit. I mean, but a baby, a four-year-old can't jump to the chandelier. I don't know. Maybe part of it is their brain. They don't know how. Maybe if you unlock a baby's capabilities with the brain and know-how. Look, I would fucking punt a baby through the goddamn front window.

If that thing started coming at me, I would grab that baby and I would fucking punt it. It would just die like you might have to add this to the show tonight you might have to run this one back with the crowd like i will kill that baby like it would like there's just there's there's just no way if i like you you drop to drop kick a ball right and you like you know you point the angle down and whatever if i just fucking have a baby like that and i drop it head first and i fucking punt it that baby is dead dead it's a i don't care if it's got a navy seal's brain in it that baby is that baby is that fuck you that that's that navy seal doesn't even have a full fully formed skull yo i watched shay stubber toe the other day i was like that's it she's down for the night. I just, I watched

the toe, like, smash, and she was just like, Dad! And I was like, we gotta go to the hospital or something. She's fucking cooked for the night, dude. I was just stubbing her toe. Many of you just took a baby. You got your hands on the baby. You got one hand on, like, the arm, the other hand on the neck, and you just smash it into the wall.

That old WWE commercial with, like, Kane or whoever just fucking dragging a baby across the living room pictures? I'd fucking beat the shit out of this thing. I can't believe you guys are like, oh, I don't know. I bet you that there is a, I guess they're much bigger than like a four-year-old. But I bet you there's a midget Navy SEAL that will rock your world. I don't think they're midget Navy SEALs. But I still think...

There should be. Like a very... Look, I'm just saying... I'm trying to think of a comparison. A midget trained in the arts of fighting could fuck you up. If Zah had all the skills... But he doesn't have the strength of

a four-year-old. That's what have the strength of a four-year-old. That's what I'm saying. The four-year-old thing is too much. But I'm saying a very small, even Zah. Like, Zah could just beat me up right now. Like, I don't care how short he is. He's just so brolic. You take away some of his, like, thickness.

But if you gave Zah four and a half feet tall all the skills he needs, he'll murder you in a heartbeat. Yeah. But I'm just trying to think, like, in terms of the ratio. Take a regular Navy SEAL and now take a person, like an athletic person, but make them, like, 10 feet tall. Yeah. Like, that's how much bigger you are than them. Right, right.

10 feet tall, like 600 pounds, and still, like, fairly versatile. I feel like a full- Even a six-foot Navy SEAL versus- I think a full-blown, full-grown Navy SEAL can kill someone who's 10 feet tall and 600 pounds. An average person who's that big. I think you know

how to use the weight against you, you keep your distance, you know how to use weapons, you Jason Bourne that shit. That's impossible. That's more like the Mountain vs. the Viper.

That's like a big show. Yeah. I think a Navy SEAL can kill like that. But you're right, if somebody gets his hands on him, if that guy does get his hands on him and just puts his hands

around his neck, he'll probably win, but the Navy SEAL might be able to avoid that. I also feel like a Navy SEAL knows if you're in a choke clutch, you grab the guy's testicle and poke this fucking artery and grab that eyeball. And all of a sudden, the guy's humiliated. He gets your ass kicked by a toddler. Even if you knew he was a Navy SEAL, he just looked really bad. He's a Navy SEAL brain, I swear.

I didn't just get beat up by a body, I swear. I think even the 10-foot difference, like a SEAL knows how to – like you've never trained like versus 10-foot things, and you invade some new country, and we've never even heard of it. It's the fucking Wonder Woman Island. We just happen to stumble upon it. And just like someone swinging 10-foot leg kicks you. You're like, I've never seen shit like that. Like I kind of kind of know i'm gonna try and do it but like i am not super confident out of my depth i can't think if we ever get like invaded like a 10 foot tall person their legs as

big as i am right like their leg is like my size yeah it's just a six foot like swing like training did not prepare me yeah i could see like if you punch that person in the face it would be like a mosquito like nothing so you think it person in the face, it would be like a mosquito. Like, nothing. So you think if we get invaded, I guess you can use weapons and bombs and shit and it changes, but if we got invaded by, like, aliens and we didn't have access to our weapons and these aliens were huge, they would just run over the planet?

Yeah, for sure. So you think you need a gun of some sort to take down anything that big? Yes. I feel like you're setting me up for a trick question. No, maybe I just have too much faith in the Navy SEALs. I just feel like Navy SEALs are killing machines. So where does it stop? Is eight feet tall too big?

I guess I'd have to meet a SEAL, too, because it's almost like meeting your heroes in the sense that when your friends become doctors and stuff. You know what I think of this? You're a doctor? Yeah. We're hungover. I think of it more as like baseball.

It's all analytics and shit now. It's like the Navy SEALs are just good at carrying out the orders or this tactical planning. Yeah, I don't want to shame the troops here, but like... They ain't shit. I mean, if the aliens come and like, I got a buddy in the Marines. I know chaps, Kate, and cons don't like our odds. Chaps couldn't even handle the humans. He got shot by the regular people.

I know. Ten foot tall monsters. I have four good friends who have served. Aliens kick the fuck out of us, guys. Like, really fucking just destroy us. Unless we have heavy artillery, we are fucking toast. You sit here talking about

fucking eye pokes and this and that. Like, look, again, love the troops, love those four. If it's the Emirates aliens, switch in teams, baby. Oh, I'm not loyal. Guess what? I'm going to survive. Team alien.

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Hey, I have a question for you to ponder. I know you've talked about teleporting in the past. So if you could teleport, but every single time you teleported you lost a day of your life would you do it so it's like you pay to teleport with a day of your life a day for example if you were going to die in a car accident that car accident that you're dying which happened a day earlier what would you do would you tell man although i could see it getting dicey where it would just be like, I mean, I could teleport into my bed right now from the couch. I'm like, done.

I don't know if it was a day when I'm like 80. Sure. I don't want to get up right now. I was thinking that too. I was like, how often do I go on vacation? I was just thinking like avoiding air travel. I was like, it wouldn't be that bad. Dude, this – never mind. I changed my mind.

When I forget my notebook at my desk and I just teleport back there, I'd lose a year and a week. There was – I would teleport 365 times in one week. This morning, I wanted to listen to the new Beyonce song, which I have not heard yet. The Lion King one? Yeah.

But I was like, I was like, get a shower, and I was like, I'm going to listen to that song on the way to work. And I get downstairs, two floors down from my apartment, and I was like, ah, I forgot my fucking headphones. Lost the day today. Done. Lost the day today. Done. Lost the day right there.

Oh, my God. I live in a walk-up now. I got to walk up 33 steps every time I want to go into my apartment. I get down to the car. I forgot this. I forgot that. And that's actually two teleports. If you teleport somewhere back, that's two.

Two days. Oh, yeah. This gets. We were both. I'll be dead in a heartbeat. All of a sudden, I'll just drop dead. What happened? I only teleported 10,000 times.

Like you are. Bathroom. Yeah. It's one of those things where it would be something. It would be the worst drug addiction you've ever had. Yeah. It's very similar. It would be.

We're like. Just going to get high one more time. Oh, I'm only going to Croatia. And then you get to Croatia, you get back. God, that was pretty good. Yeah. Even think about like, you know, like a team wins a championship and the parade or the celebration is awesome.

Like, I'm going to go pop over there for a minute. Just things that you would never think about. Yeah, if it's just a vacation or every time you need to fly somewhere important, sure. But when it's just like, ooh, I could pop in. Get some chicks, like, come on over. I'm going to pop in, pop out, like, whatever. I very, very quickly be reasoning with myself. Be like, look, I mean, it's just one more.

Yeah. It's not one more hit. It's like a diet. Like I'm going to go hard this weekend, and then Monday I'm going to start fresh. I'm going to teleport all weekend long. Monday, no more teleporting. Guess what?

Monday you're hungover. And actually, you're going to commute every single day. If you live to your 80, you have 16,790 days left. Oh, never mind. That would be dead quick. See, that's – I probably would – honestly, I probably wouldn't get out of the year. Yeah.

No, because think about it. I mean, you would teleport to and from work every day. So that's two minimum. Everywhere I ever have to go, I would teleport. I would – maybe I wouldn't get out. Maybe I wouldn't make two years. Maybe I'd like – the first year, I'd slowly be dipping wouldn't get out. Maybe I wouldn't make two years. Cause maybe I'd like the first year I'd, I'd slowly be dipping my toe in the water and new things like,

all right, well, no, I'd have like a calculator. I got my door walking outside being like, how many days you have left? And then, or how many days you've erased?

And, uh, I'd be like, look, I mean, I mean, you've been pretty good to hear John. I haven't even hit a hundred yet.

So, you know what? This week we're going to take that. And then you're going to find out how great that is. If I knew you could teleport, I'd be like, yo, just teleport to the store and grab us a beer. You know what I mean? Just do it. Come on.

You can do it. And then you've got to realize every day, so you've got 16,000 days left, every day is just naturally ticking away. So it would snowball quickly. You'd be dead real fast. Yeah, like every day you already lose a day. Every day I would lose five to six days. At least. It's minimum three because you're going to commute to and from work.

Right. And you're going to lose a day just naturally. Yeah, and actually it really only works in twos because you're not really teleporting. It's not a one-way ticket. You're always coming back. So I'd probably lose six days a day. At least. Oh, yeah. Wow. That was we did a 180 we had we were like both like this is the stupidest question ever of course

and then very quickly realized i still might just do it and die in like a year it's just like i hate i hate traveling around that would be tough because you know what would eventually happen eventually i would check my notebook and be like, oh, I'm almost dead. So I might as well teleport everywhere. Once you're closer to death. Now it's all downhill. Hey, guys, guess what? I'm going to die tragically young.

I might as well teleport while I'm doing it. I'm only going to live to like 36 anyway. What's 32? Whatever. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, basically I just want to teleport and kill myself. It's a hell of a way to go.